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>> campus & Editorial manager Tim Mackey Advertising Manager Alexander Leventis Writers Tim Mackey, Kevin Setze, Mike Atkins , Jeremy Ber, Jeremy Meyers, Dylan Rieger photographer Tim Mackey distribution manager Dan Quintero Social media manager Megan Scott Promotions manager Amanda Weichselbaum
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What Your Dorm Says About Your Study Habits By: Isaac Dreidelschleitze
The
Top
Ten
Gift Ideas for
Reggie Redbird By: Sevin Ketze
Well the time is finally here. Finals? Finally? Get it? HAHAHA… never mind. There’s been a recent trend here at ISU of students in the same dorms getting the same scores on their finals, regardless of how much or little they study. There are just certain characteristics about each dorm that say a lot about how you’ll do on your finals. If you’re in one of these bad dorms, you might want to go to “Club Milner” or just drop out. That way you can keep reading The Black Sheep instead of studying for finals. That’s it. Yes. Keep reading these sweet, sweet words. Ahhh, yes. Let’s take a look at what dorms are best and worst in terms of studying for finals. Tri Towers: Located on the north side of campus, Tri Towers is home to some pretty interesting people with pretty unique study habits, and by that we mean people who live in Tri Towers do pretty terribly on their finals. It’s not their fault; it’s simply because of where they live. Onethird of the people who live in Tri Towers are physically fit, active in sports, and are complete assholes when it comes to keeping it down. Tri Towers is home to jocks, cheerleaders, and Tumblr feminists. These are the three least likely people to study for finals, so while some residents are trying to go over their notes for, say, a gender studies course, they will also have to watch out for baseballs, beer bottles, and naked cheerleaders breaking through their windows. It might also be hard to concentrate with the girl blogging aloud about how quiet, annoying, and creepy some people are while they study. Sorry to say, but if you live at Tri Towers, you should seek shelter somewhere else, because studying just isn’t as effective while three guys scream at the top of their lungs while watching a wrestling match from 1995. Manchester Hall: Living in Manchester Hall is a lot like living in France. It smells, no one speaks English, and everyone smokes weed. Although these may seem like bad attributes for a dorm, it can actually be quite beneficial when it comes to studying. Since people in Manchester are
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10.) Health insurance: Hollow bird bones weren’t meant to support the weight of a 180 pound human. Poor Reggie has so many pre-existing conditions that he’s considered legally dead, but I met a guy at Drifter’s who said he could help him out. Hopefully this isn’t another organ harvesting scheme, I’m getting really sick of falling for those. 9.) 50,000 kilograms of solid gold bars: I heard him talking about this in the showers last week. Maybe he knew I was listening and dropped the hint on purpose, but even if the surprise is ruined I’m sure he’ll love it. He’s dreamed of swimming in molten gold since he was a wee egg. Don’t we all, though? 8.) One of the Quad squirrels: I heard him dropping hints about this one too. Man, that kinda pisses me off, he’s acting like I owe him a present or something. Whatever. Anyway, do birds eat squirrels? I’m not sure if he wanted the squirrel dead or alive. Eh, just split the difference and bring him a squirrel with horrible injuries. 7.) A new nest: He said his last one blew away in the huge storm. Am I the only one who’s creeped out by this guy? I mean, let’s be real, this is just some student in a costume, but he seems to seriously, seriously think he’s an actual bird, to the point that he actually wove a basket of sticks together, stuck it in a tree, and slept in it for years. He’s sunk too much into this to just admit defeat and sleep indoors like a normal person, so just play along and help him live his sad, sad lie. It’s for the best. 6.) A pinch of magic dust: And by that, I mean cocaine. Being excited about ISU all day, every day must get exhausting. I can’t even do it for 30 seconds. Give him a much-needed boost, and he’ll love you forever. Seriously, he’ll love you any time you want, day or night. As long as you keep the cocaine coming, baby.
(for the most part) not American, they will be more likely to pay attention to their studies. Foreign exchange students are not influenced by distractions like cheap beer, slutty girls, and Miley Cyrus’ tongue. So, while most people are out celebrating Thirsty Thursday, Manchesterians can enjoy a nice, quiet evening with floormates while going over the vocabulary words from their international studies course. They will enjoy their A in the course, but will be much less fond of the free diarrhea they get from sharing a dish of karakaharalagahadiga with several of their floor-mates. Though we’re told diarrhea is good for cleansing the soul. Watterson: The tallest dormitory in the trans-continental United States is home to hundreds of loners, losers, and excellent students! S u r p r i s i n g l y, s t u d e nt s i n Watterson have the highest test averages out of any dorm at Illinois State. This is because of the architecture of the dorm rooms themselves. They are made to prohibit making friends, so people are literally forced to study or be bored. Another benefit is that residents aren’t distracted by silly things like “sleep” due to the frequent flooding and fire alarms that happen all the damn time. Watterson students also have an option that many other dorm residents do not have — they can walk down to the dining
center in their pajamas and stuff their face. They can eat all the General Tso’s chicken they want while reviewing the anatomy of a female seahorse. This comfort is only available at a few places in the world: your parents’ house, your grandmas’ house, and Watterson. In fact, Watterson is better than your grandma’s house. We said it. Deal with it. South Side: Students that choose to break in and live in this old, abandoned dormitory tend to have terrible study habits. They are constantly being berated by ghosts who jizz ectoplasm all over students’ notecards and trying to spook them out of the building. It is not a very healthy environment to study in, not to mention the lack of heat and electricity and the fact that if you are actually studying here there’s a good chance it is also serving as your meth den. The ghosts themselves tend to do well on their final exams, but unfortunately their ectoplasm clogs up the Scantron machines and most professors fail them anyway, leaving them stuck in finals limbo, studying for eternity and never moving on. So as you can tell, you’re doomed no matter what dorm you live in. All you can do is buy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, go over to the library and try to remember what your math professor meant when you wrote down “Cheesecake + Melon = Ballsack.” Good luck on your finals, everybody!
5.) The respect of his father: We might as well be suggesting you buy him a box of moon rocks, but maybe it’s worth a try. Try and scrounge up a few hundred dollars to grease his “I’m at least kinda proud of you” wheels, or dig up some dirt to blackmail his pop-pop into pretending he’s glad he had kids.
4.) His freedom: Type up something real official-looking and print it out on some fine-ass paper with one of those big gold stickers. When you give it to him, let him take a nice long look before you rip it into pieces. He’s stuck here forever and he needs to accept that, it’ll really lessen the mental torture if you can stomp out his hope. 3.) One of Kate Upton’s teeth: Reggie’s been spending lots of late nights in Felmley Hall of Science and he says this is the “last thing” he needs. I’m a little concerned because a lot of people have heard screaming and gurgling coming from one of the classrooms, but he assures me that it’ll end once he has the tooth. He seems like a stand-up guy, so I’ll trust him. 2.) Any of the fine products advertised in this issue: Boy, look at that wonderful item on page 5! I sure would be glad to receive that as a gift! Don’t forget about that amazing restaurant or apartment on page 11, I could gush for days about their delicious food or spacious bedrooms! 1.) A new host body: The restless spirit of ISU founder Jesse W. Fell has been imprisoned in his red feathery prison for well over a century, forced to perform tricks and pose for pictures to save the lives of his wife and daughter, who have also been dead for well over a century. Nobody got around to telling him, and if we spilled the beans now, boy would we look silly. A new body won’t change the fact that his soul is permanently shackled to the costume, but at least it’ll have knees that aren’t shattered.
Around campus send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets Would you rather eat a cup of pee-snow, or let it melt but have to drink it through a straw? r Emily, Junio
“I’d drink it through a straw because it will go straight down instead of having to eat it. Plus I just like straws.”
ior George, Sen
“I’d eat is so I can pretend it’s one of those slushy cones.”
r Kevin, Senio
“Eat it because I like eating snow so it wouldn’t be that big of a difference. Grown men don’t need straws.”
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With Technology!
Old Christmas Movies, Revisited
A Christmas Story The Evils of Technology Make… “I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!” becomes: “I want the X-Box One Day One Edition with Kinect, an extra controller, and a copy of Call of Duty: Ghosts!” And the Movie Flips: After Ralphie unwraps the gift his father so sneakily hid in the corner behind the tree he hustles over to his 50-inch flatscreen to hook up this modern technological marvel. After entering his info (and his parents’ credit card number) he anxiously slides the Call of Duty disc into the slot. The game whirrs and whirrs until finally a message appears on the screen: “Drive Cannot Read Disc.” In a fit of prepubescent rage, Ralphie clocks the flatscreen as hard as he can, splintering the thin film of glass and smashing a hole into the family’s sole source of happiness. Scared to death by a report on glass poisoning they saw on the news a week prior, his parents rush him to the hospital for a Christmas Day evaluation. Under his breath Ralphie mutters something about this being his parents’ fault, and a few quick calls later two DCFS representatives are at the hospital with some unwanted Christmas inquiries.
We’re not much for nostalgia, especially around the holidays. If we were six years old and Santa gifted us a plain wooden horse with tin wheels, we’d be so far down the Naughty List the next year, you’d think we’d have murdered our parents. And we did, we definitely did, because even at six we knew Santa was fake and, and that is not the PlayStation 4 we “asked” for. Yeah, so what? We like modern technology. What would happen if we forced this tech into old Christmas movies?
It’s a Wonderful Life The Evils of Technology Make… A tale about the redemption of a suicidal man who has given up on his dreams to help others becomes: Two guys on a cell phone chatting for two hours. And the Movie Flips: George Bailey sits alone in his underwear in his dark studio apartment watching a Christmas Eve Chopped marathon, empty 40s strewn around him. Bored and in need of attention, he fires up his cell phone and rips off a text message to his only friend, Clarence Odbody. “Gonna end it all tonight,” it reads. A minute later his phone vibrates, it’s Clarence, and he wants to talk. “Hah, there’s no heaven, you fuckin’ rube,” George the atheist tells Clarence, who insists that committing suicide with preclude George from getting into Heaven. They keep talking; Clarence citing examples of the good George’s service work has done for the community. George is only half paying attention because the contestants on Chopped have to work with a canned chicken, sweetbreads, honey sticks and Greek yogurt, and he has no idea what they’ll do with that. During commercial break, Clarence still on the phone, George walks over to the medicine cabinet and chases a handful of antidepressants with what’s left of his olde English 800, dozing off moments later to Clarence begging the phone, “Hello? Hello? George, you there?”
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer The Evils of Technology Make… The Island of Misfit Toys becomes: The Island of Outdated Gadgets. And the Movie Flips: As Rudolph and company run away from the Abominable Snow Monster, the FAA calls them out on deviating from their assigned flight path, forcing them to land on a nigh-inhabited island known the Island of Outdated Gadgets. Stranded on the island overnight, the crew seeks out a place that’ll be open on Christmas Eve. Walking into a restaurant, Rudolph sees booths heavy with first generation iPads, Nooks, and Kindles that don’t have color screens. They turn and stare at Rudolph, recognizing him immediately. A liaison approaches the Christmas cadre begging, “Mr. Reindeer, please, please take us away from this horrible place to a magical land where we’re wanted!” After a quick powwow with Santa, Rudolph returns with an offer, “We can swing by and get you guys tomorrow, we’re way behind, and those kids in sub-Saharan Africa can’t even afford calendars, so they won’t know if we’re a little late. Can’t promise you they won’t use you as rock picks or something, though.” The Outdated G a d g e t s cheer with joy, as their Christmas is saved.
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The Black Sheep’s
Guide to Wrapping a Gift
Step 2: Determine Your Length: Ah, victory! Victory over, you Tom, do you hear us? Unravel some wrapping paper and place your gift on it to make sure you measure enough wrapping paper to wrap the whole thing. Otherwise you’re just being wasteful and…wait, now there’s more than enough—like, an inch too much, which is perfect, because now you have to cut the paper. Now it’s time to see what you’re made of, buds-o. The cut should be straight and uniform, just make sure you use a steady hand and, no! No! God, why did you stop to scratch your stomach? Now we’re going to have to start all over because it’s uneven, or, wait, it’s not that bad, just freaking finish this cut and remember to tuck this side under the straight edge, or do you not have the self-control to do even that?
Step 1: Collect Your Supplies: You have the present you bought for the person you want to manipulate care for and you remembered to pick up some wrapping paper at Staples, and what do ribbons or bows matter anyway, right? Good, great, you’re doing well here, you’re even holding those scissors away from your body. Now where’s the tape? You, yes you totally have it somewhere, remember that time you had to hang those—no, stop. Go check the drawer. No, not that one, the other one. It’s in there, isn’t it? It’s not? Well then—Tom. It had to be that asshole Tom. Great. Now you’re going to have to go back to the store and get some—Yes, you’re definitely going to have to pee in Tom’s orange juice—you’re going to have to get some more tape.
Step 3: Determine Your Width: Unless you bought your loved one a twoby-four, that yard-tall roll of wrapping paper you just mangled is going to have to be hemmed a little for wrapping purposes. Measure the gift to determine an accurate cut point on the width sides and get to snippin’. Just—please, for the love of whatever deity it is your root for—do not make the same mistake again. Cut in a straight line, just be certain of yourself, man and don’t rip the—you ripped the goddamn paper, we just said not to do that. Ok, no, we’ll get through this. Just get a finished cut that works in theory. Yes, like string theory, but somehow more difficult for you to understand. We’re crying now, we hope you’re happy. Step 4: Tape the main lines: Remember that first big cut you finished? Now you’re going to tape each side together using one-inch pieces of tape at six-inch intervals. Oh yeah, that’s right, time to use that brandspankin’-new tape you nabbed in a jif, not that lost-under-his-bed roll that
Tom—fucking Tom—so lazily lost like it was sticky dust in the wind. Now, hold the wrapping seam together with one hand and use the other to tear off a piece of tape and—what do you mean this is harder than it sounds? No, ok, switch hands and try again. No, this way is definitely easier. Ugh, maybe work on your dexterity a little. You know, just let go of the wrapping and pull off like, six pieces of tape and put them somewhere, then use the tape. Jesus, you people. Step 5: Fold and Tape the Corners: You, uh, you haven’t been doing so hot at this, and now you expect to fold and tape at the same time? So you’re really going to do this? Fine. First, tear off four pieces of tape. Once those are easily accessible, pull each corner taught and fold it in half, diagonally. Then, fold in the sides. This isn’t brain surgery-level difficulty but—Christ, ok, just try it again, we’re so close. Deep breath…and fold. Wow, would you look at that. So great, once each of those have been done four times, you should fold and tape your trapezoidal flap to the gift. Goddammit, you forgot to prep the tape again, didn’t you? Fine, we’ll wait. Just…whistlin’ Dixie over here while this Cleatus-faced motherfu—Oh, hey, you’re back!
Fold it and tape it…there! Voila! Does it look good? What? No? Well, then… Step 6: Make Someone Else Do It: With your inability to do anything right, we’re sure you’ll hear it dozens of times this year: It’s the thought the counts. So, when you hand over that perfectly-wrapped gift to your family member or gift-level acquaintance, then you can say, “Hey, I tried wrapping this but I think my parents drove a railroad spike through my head as a child, so I totally butchered my attempt and I had to beg someone way more competent than I to do it for me,” or something to that effect. And beg them, you will.
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The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
SATURDAY: $1.50 Coors Light Bottle $2 Bud Family Drafts $2 Well & UV Flavors $2.50 Vegas Bombs
SUNDAY - WEDNESDAY $2 Any Beer, $3 Any Booze, FREE Juke and Bags
SATURDAY! $2.75 Hurricane & Tsunami Drinks, Bud Select & Bud Light Lime Bottles
WED: Karaoke! $2.00 Well Drinks and Miller Lite Pints
THURSDAY
$1 Wells and UV Flavors, $1.25 Miller Family Bottles, $2.50 Bud Family Drafts $2.50 Red Bull n Vodka
College Night w/ DJ at 10pm No Cover! $0.75 Wells, $1.50 Double Wells, $2 Bombs, Bud Light Bottles, Long Islands
$2 Domestic Bottles $2 Well Drinks $3 Draft Pints
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FRIDAY
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SATURDAY
$1.50 Coors Light Bottle $2 Bud Family Drafts $2 Well & UV Flavors $2.50 Vegas Bombs
DJ Vamp and Luke on the Drums - No Cover! $3 16oz Tall Double Wells, Bud Family Bottles, All Bombs $4 Jack Daniels, Long Islands
$2.75 Hurricane & Tsunami Drinks, Bud Select & Bud Light Lime Bottles
KARAOKE! $3.50 15oz, $4 20oz import or craft draft beer
SUNDAY
$2 Bud Family Drafts $2 Well & UV Flavors $2.50 Vegas Bombs
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All $2.75 Daily Specials!
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$1.75 Miller Lite Pints
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$1 Domestic Bottles $3 Vegas Bombs
Drifter’s Country Night w/ DJ and Karaoke $1 Cans, $2 Tall Doubles and Bombs, $3 Call Its including Top Shelf
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The Bar Grid Whiskey Wednesday $3 All CALL American, Irish, Scotch and Canadian Whiskey
MONDAY: $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
FRIDAY: $3 22oz Keeper Cup $2.75 Corona $3 Liquor Specials
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SPECIAL NIGHT
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$2 Miller Family Bottles $2 Well Drinks and Well Shots $6 32oz Vodka Red Bulls $4 Bud Light Pitchers
$2 Domestic Longnecks $3 Captain Morgan $3 Captain Lime
$2.50 19oz Bud Light and Miller Lite Drafts
THURSDAY
Failte Friday Try our special Long Ireland Iced Tea for $4!
$6 32oz Long Islands
$3 22oz Keeper Cup $2.75 Corona $3 Liquor Specials
$2.50 Import Bottles and Malt Beverages
FRIDAY
Slainte Saturday: $3 Any Flavor of Three Olives Premium Vodka
$2.75 Coronas $6 32oz Rum and Coke & Vodka Lemonade
$3.50 24oz cup $3.50 Liquor Special
$2.50 Well Drinks
SATURDAY
Sunday Bloody Sunday ALL of our Daily Specials available! $4 16oz Ultimate Bloody Marys featuring Ketel One Vodka
Closed
$3.50 24oz Cups $3.50 Liquor Special
Bucket Day! $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
SUNDAY
Mad Monday! $3 All Import Bottles and Microbrew Bottles
$9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
$4 Domestic Pitchers $3 Fireball Shots
$3 Smirnoff Vodka Drinks (Any Flavor)
MONDAY
Well To Do Tuesday $3 All WELL Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, American Whiskey and Liquors
$2 You-Call-Its
$2 Domestic Longnecks $3 Imports, Micros, & Rail Calls
$3 Captain Morgan
TUESDAY
Whiskey Wednesday $3 All CALL American, Irish, Scotch and Canadian Whiskey
$7 Premium Pitchers
$4 Bud Family Pitchers, Vodka Red Bull, & All Bombs
Bucket Day! $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
WEDNESDAY
quiz
What Late-Night Eatery Are You? 1. How late is it? a) I lost my phone, it’s probs about midnight. b) Time is irrelevant to Booze Man! Zoom zoom! c) 3:01 a.m. d) It’s not that late, they’re totally still delivering. 2. How drunk are you? a) I’m hungrier than I am drunk. b) I’m no math magician, but I am exactly 34 drunks. c) No, me? What? Pshhh, I’m fine. But you, though, how’re you? d) Zoom zoom! Alcohol has no effect on the mighty Booze Man! 3. What do you want most in your food? a) Grease. b) Pancakes. c) Rice. d) Cheese. 4. Is money an option? a) If someone tried to mug me, I would just start laughing. b) I want a lot for a little.
c) Does my driver’s license work as money? d) I am rich “bee-otch.” 5. How able are you to move? a) I have so much energy I could run to the moon! b) That depends, do we have a shopping cart? c) I can pick up a phone… but nothing else. d) I could sit up, but only to look at a mural of people with burrito heads. 6. How able are you to speak? a) I can speak coherently and am ready for some human interaction. b) I coo maybe do one phone. c) Kerble-Flable, Juz-Feen. d) Booze Man speaks for justice! And America!
c) I want them to be on top of each other, like a sexy ingredient orgy. d) Even if it was thrown in a blender, I wouldn’t care. 8. How afraid are you of ethnic people? a) Terribly. The spiciness in their food is caused by Satan himself. b) Not at all. I thoroughly enjoy the company of non-whites. c) I don’t mind their existence, I just don’t want to talk to them. d) Booze Man fears… no man.
answer key
7. How do you feel the ingredients of your food should be mixed? a) Separate, but equal. I want to be able to separate each ingredient with a fork. b) I want the ingredients to be an inseparable mound of flavor, bonded to one another as if God himself had attempted to create a new chemical compound.
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GO FOR THE PROS! 1408 Fort Jesse Road | Normal, Illinois 61761 | (309) 452-5595
1: a)2 b)4 c)1 d)3 2: a)1 b)3 c)2 d)4 3: a)4 b)1 c)2 d)3 4: a)2 b)1 c)4 d)3 5: a)1 b)4 c)3 d)2 6: a)1 b)3 c)2 d)4 7: a)1 b)2 c)3 d)4 8: a)1 b)2 c)3 d)4
8-13 Points: Merry Ann’s Diner: Looks like you didn’t get that drunk tonight. You have a bit of a buzz on, but you can still sit through a meal of mediocre pancakes and bacon while casually hitting on the waitress or busboy. You can do it all night long too, because this bitch is open 24/7. 14-19 Points: La Bamba Burritos: You’re a little bit wasted, but it’s ok. You don’t have to speak Spanish to eat here. In fact you don’t have to speak English. Drunkenly stumble up to the kindly Mexican guys and stare vacantly at them, and they’ll still make you a burrito. They know you’re confused, drunk, and hungry and they just want to help. 20-25 Points: DP Dough: You’re too drunk to drive, walk, or realize that you don’t have super powers. It’s cool though, DP Dough is your friend. Call them from the comfort of your floor and they will bring you a tasty treat in the short span of what will feel like multiple eternities. One bite into this greasy mess of meat, cheese, and dough and you’ll feel your taste buds getting DP’d. 26-32 Points: The Nearest Gas Station: You are just too wasted… It’s a surprise you’re still alive. But you need food, and human interaction and judgment is at its minimum at Thornton’s or Circle K. Go get that microwavable burrito or maybe those rollers that have been cooking so long they’re just wrinkled char logs. Then, maybe think about your life choices. By: Scoop Chang
Are You Smarter
than?
1) Christmas: Santa Claus is based off of Sinterklaas, a mythological person found in this group’s mythology.
6) Toys: 1998 saw a holiday craze for this toy, which could say things like, “Show me a dance” and “Tell me a joke.”
2) Hanukah: How many branches are there on a menorah?
7) History: On January 1, 1971, these items could no longer be advertised on TV in America.
3) Kwanzaa: In what year was Kwanzaa first celebrated? 4) New Year’s Eve: Since 2006, who has been tasked with presenting Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve? 5) The Rose Bowl: Each year, the Rose Bowl is played in what stadium?
Hailey of Mulligan’s drinking game
The 11th hour library drinking game By Chong Lighter Meyers
8) Birthdays: This “Stan” background singer was born on Christmas Day, 1971. 9) Snow: The North American record for record snow depth was measured in this contiguous state. 10) Holiday Music: What wintry song thing is given life via silk hat?
Hailey’s Answers
Correct Answers
1) The Germans 2) 8 3) 1899 4) Mark Wahlberg 5) The Rose Bowl 6) Elmo 7. Cigarettes 8) Adele 9) Minnesota 10) Frosty!
1) Dutch 2) 9 3) 1969 4) Ryan Seacrest 5) The Rose Bowl 6) Furby 7) Cigarettes 8) Dido 9) California 10) Frosty the Snowman
Hailey’s Score: 3 out of 10
The time has come for finals at Illinois State University. The freshmen are nervous, the sophomores still kind of care, the juniors are overwhelmed, and the seniors have disappeared. Maybe the senior education majors are hard at work, but the rest are getting wasted with their professors. Don’t worry! You can too with: The 11th Hour Library Drinking Game! Best of all, this one is real simple so you don’t even have to use your potato salad brain to set it up! What You’ll Need: As many walkie-talkies as there are people, a corner table at the library (to use as base), and a secret stash of booze. (Seriously though, hide that shit like it’s wanted by the feds.) Number of Players: You want an even number of players for two teams. Play with as many people as you want, just don’t get kicked out for being too loud. Or worse, bitched out by some nerd who needs “a quiet library” to “study.” Level of Intoxication: Anywhere from “I should text my ex” to “I can’t… read.” How To Play: First, break players into two teams. Try to divide them evenly based on who drinks like a fish and who starts to giggle after a few sips of hard lemonade. This works like a scavenger hunt, you and your partner(s) walk through the library until you see one of the things below. When you do, call in what you saw and everyone marks it off their list. Every point is a drink for the other team. First team to reach 11 points wins. Go back to base, where winners take one shot and losers take two. Play through best three out of five to declare a supreme victor. Then, wipe the drool off your face and start again! For extra fun, take a drink
every time someone goes “shhhh.” One point if you hear someone say: - How much they hate the library. - How much coffee they’ve drank. - “I’m going to fail Bill Shields’ geology test so hard.” - “Everyone is too loud!” - “I need ____ or I am literally going to die!” (double points if they say Prime Time or DP Dough) - “Everybody on the Quad looks like they’re from The Walking Dead. WTF?!” - “Anybody have any notes for the class we’re in? Because I never took any, ever…” Two points if you see: - Someone sleeping so hard you’re afraid they might be dead. - A girl in the Ugg boots, North Face jacket, and black tights (More than one? C-c-c-combo for bonus points!) - A mom/dad/grandparent who looks lost and confused. - A person gorging themselves with food to relieve the stress. - A nerd who looks like they haven’t slept since October. - Someone with that particular twitch in the eye that means they’re about to crack and run naked through Milner. - The two guys who are sitting there just eating chips and watching TV. - The confused stoner who thought it might be a good idea to come to the library, but is now too high to find the exit. Automatic win if you find one of these rarities: - Someone studying without coffee or a water bottle. - Someone crying alone in a corner. - A sleeping Asian kid.
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
Hanukkah Seek and Find
guess the movie santa!
each box features a different santa claus from various holiday movies. do you know which movie each santa comes from?
FINALS BINGO!
let us guess... you’re sitting in the library and can’t focus, right? well don’t scroll through facebook for the 10th time, play our library bingo! stay where you are, or take a loop around your floor, and see how many of these things you can find.
Kwanzaa Kwiz True or false Kwestion 1: True or False: Kwanzaa is celebrated from December 26th to January 1st.
Kwestion 4: True or False: Kwanzaa adopts much of its structure from Hanukkah.
Kwestion 2: True or False: The word “Kwanzaa” is derived from matunda ya kwanza, a Sotho phrase meaning, “first fruits of the harvest.”
Kwestion 5: True or False: Approximately 3.1% of Americans celebrate Kwanzaa each year.
Kwestion 3: True or False: The “pan-African colors” widely used during Kwanzaa are green, black and red.
answers:
Kwestion 6: True or False: Kwanzaa’s karamu feast is mentioned in Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long.”
1) True 2) False, the language is Swahili 3) True 4) F, it is adopted from Umkhosi in Zululand 5) F, 1.6% do 6) True 7) C 8) B 9) A 10) C
SPEND NYE IN CHAMPAIGN! Kam’s New Years Eve
Multiple choice Kwestion 7: Which one of these items is not considered a Kwanzaa symbol: a) A Mkeka, a decorative mat b) Muhindi, corn c) Watubi, a small statue of a person d) Zawadi, gifts
Kwestion 9: During Kwanzaa the pouring of libations to honor ancestors is performed by… a) An elder b) The oldest male child c) The mother d) This does not happen
Kwestion 8: The Kinara, the Kwanzaa candle holder, traditionally hosts how many candles? a) 5 b) 7 c) 9 d) 6
Kwestion 10: Named The Black Candle, a 2009 documentary on Kwanzaa is narrated by who? a) Cornel West b) Barack Obama c) Maya Angelou d) Oprah Winfrey
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madlib
the weekend
Now leasiNg for JuNe 2014!
before Finals Dude, the weekend before finals was __1__! I started drinking __2__ at 4a.m. on Friday and switched to __3__ a couple hours later. My buddy __4__ came over and said he found the __5__ of the Reggie the Redbird costume. He told me to put it on my __6__ so we could try to __7__ some slampieces over at __8__. I ended up browning out about __9__ minutes after we got there, but I remember __10__ Timothy Flanagan with a __11__ outside of __12__. I woke up to the sound of my alarm, ready to eat some Saturday hangover brunch at __13__. But before I even had time to scratch my genitals my roommate asked, “Aren’t you going to be late?” Great, galloping __14__ cocks! It was already Monday! I had been unconscious for several days and my finals started in under an hour! I __15__ down the stairs, still caked in __16__ from the weekend. I didn’t have time to make breakfast, so I just stole some __17__ from a girl as I ran through __18__ and shoved them down my __19__ as fast as I could. Standing outside the doors of __20__, blocking my path was Timothy Flanagan himself, donning nothing but a __21__ and war paint. “Not this time, you __22__ __23__!” He screamed as he knocked me into the middle of traffic on __24__.
my place THe BesT iN sTuDeNT liViNg oNliNe leasiNg | fasT & frieNDly MaiNTeNaNce PriVaTe BeDrooMs & BaTHrooMs | iNDiViDual leases rooMMaTe MaTcHiNg | wasHer & Dryer iN aParTMeNT
We fought for __25__ hours, and even though I missed my finals and failed all my classes, it was worth it to finally defeat Timothy Flanagan and return Al Bowman to his rightful throne.
1) Adjective 2) Liquid 3) Different liquid 4) Guy’s name 5) Body part 6) Body part 7) Verb 8) Favorite ISU bar 9) Number
10) Verb ending in –ing 11) Noun 12) Class building 13) Local food place 14) Your favorite animal 15) Past tense verb 16) Bodily fluid
17) Plural noun 18) School building 19) Body part 20) Different school building 21) Noun 22) Adjective 23) Noun 24) Local street 25) Number
TheeDGeONhOVeY.cOm
800 West hovey Avenue, Suite 100 Normal, IL 61761
309.454.5599
At the Corner of Main and Hovey
By Mitch Vaginapun TheEdge_5x11.25_Order978.indd 1
8/15/13 10:36 AM