Michigan State - Issue 6 - 9/25/2013 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

fr e on e... l ac ike cid ou en r a ta dv l a ic na e l.

Vol. 9, Issue 6

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

9/25/13 - 10/3/13

The Story of the

Albert Ave. Guitarist BY: Brendon White It’s 1 a.m. on a Saturday night and you just swallowed your Spartan Dub whole. You begin the long pilgrimage down Albert Avenue towards home. Nothing will slow you down, or so you think, until something beckons in the distance. At first you don’t think anything of it, but as you get closer to the source you recognize the riff. It’s the guitar solo from “Hotel California.” When you finally reach the guitar guru, you find yourself in the parking garage across from Leo’s. In front of you is a middle-aged man wailing on his Fender. You don’t dare to look the guitar hero in the eye in fear of your face being melted off by his angelic chord progression. Before you know it, the prodigy transitions right into the solo from “Free Bird.” You don’t know whether you should cheer or drop to your knees in worship of East Lansing’s very own Slash. You have just been formally introduced to the one-man metal band of Albert Avenue. As you regain your vision after being sent into a psychedelic coma from the guitarist’s rendition of “Crazy Train,” you notice he’s not alone. Loyally standing next to him is a bulldog with a 1000-yard stare. Your heart melts while simultaneously having your ears finger-blasted by what sounds like his personal rendition of “Running With The Devil.” After stumbling back from hearing the grand finale “National Anthem” solo, the man packs away his ax and disappears behind the Marriot with his pudgy friend following close behind. “Who was that guy?” you ask yourself while your ears continue to ring. You run to catch up with the outlaw, but all you find behind the hotel are a couple bums sniffing glue out of a paper bag. You ask the derelicts if they’ve seen the mystery man, but they’re too hopped up on Elmer’s liquid cement to be reliable. You finish your voyage home and spend the rest of the night trying to solve the mystery. You try and forget about the guitarist, but as the weeks go by you find yourself putting everything on the backburner. You forget about homework and exams and spend your nights waiting in the garage for the man to give you an encore performance. He never shows. The mystery of the Albert Avenue rock star has never been solved. He is nameless and his past is unknown, but there are many myths and campfire stories to fill the void. One in particular claims he was once a professor here at Michigan State, but lost his mind around the same time Lou Anna K became interim president in 2003. The two are said to have had a relationship back in the 70s, but she broke his heart and

his acid-stained brain never fully recovered. Another legend proclaims he is Mark Dantonio’s baby brother. It is rumored that the two were in a metal band together in 1994 called the “Little Giants.” The name comes from Mark’s second favorite Rick Moranis film. The two were flying high — opening for the likes Metallica and even The Rolling Stones. Their path was paved to stardom, but not every fairytale has a happy ending. Marky Mark, according to the legend, left the band to pursue a career in coaching. Naturally this crushed the younger Dantonio and caused him to lose his mind. Every night since their break up, he goes to the garage on Albert

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page 7

Addressing Accidental Anal

How to Win at IM Sports No Matter What

You shot for the moon but didn’t fall amongst the stars.

Avenue and rocks out in hopes his brother will return to the band so they can fulfill their birthright as the best god damn metal band the world has ever seen. No one know for certain who the man with the guitar in the CVS parking lot on Albert Avenue is. There are myths, there are legends, but one thing is for certain—when you drunkenly stumble back from the bars and have a heart-to-heart with him during the wee hours of the morning, he’s lying to you. His identity will forever remain a mystery, but his ax and his dog will forever melt our hearts.

We explain the rules to keeping IM Sports fun.

Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_MSU • theblacksheeponline.com

page 12

We Interview: Flux Pavilion We got to chat with the english dj/ producer, playing this friday in detroit!

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When not balling as the Clippers’ point guard, has a mouth that’s like a disco one. Last Week’s Answer: David Foster Wallace & Gromit

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A Conversation With A die-hard Quidditch Player By: Jack Harder We sat down for a chat with one of the self-proclaimed greatest athletes in East Lansing: The Spartan Quidditch Seeker. As she walked in the room we could tell that she was not your run-of-the-mill bookworm. Her hair was slicked back into a tight ponytail and held in place by a thick crimson and gold headband. Her black witch robe fluttered in the wind, smacking any passers-by that got too close to her. An emblazoned golden pin on her lapel read “SEEKER,” showing us that anyone who ever wants to beat her at anything would have to suck it. She had eyes like a hawk, hair like a hawk, and a moderately sharp nose. She was basically just a hawk-human hybrid. Seriously, her nails were sharpened.

This conversation was going to be a legendary.

She pulled up a chair and downed her mug, throwing it across the room into the pile of other shattered glasses.

“Quidditch is an elegant sport in which three chasers throw a ball through a hoop that is guarded by a keeper. The seeker runs around trying to catch the snitch to win an absurd amount of points that guarantees a win. In the meantime, there are two beaters that run around hitting things at people to try and make the other team lose.”

This statement sunk in slowly, killing any childhood that may be left within us. After making a quick Whomping Willow reference, we continued on the topic of the Wolverine’s Quidditch Club. It was rumored our seeker had an issue last year playing those maize-clad peasants in which aggressive physical contact got a little out of hand.

This description was simple, yet quite refreshing. Here at The Black Sheep we know all about tiny gold balls and consensual beatings.

“That was an honest mistake!” she exclaims instantly. “I’ve seen the first Harry Potter movie thousands of times and that guy looked exactly like Slytherin’s captain. Not only is he the epitome of douchebag, but he also has the most hideous set of teeth I’d ever seen. Typical Wolverine.”

“Butterbeer,” she said a bit too directly, “Never strong enough.” She slammed her fist down on the table and the bartender brought another. “Now let’s get this over with. I’ve got to trim my broomhairs tonight and I told my boyfriend that if he behaved I’d ride his broomstick.” Before we could speak she interrupted — “We going to the sheets so hard it’ll make finding a long term defense against the Dark Arts teacher seem easy.” Unable to actually comprehend what this hippogriff of a woman meant by that particular statement, we began with some formalities; namely, herself and her sport. “I’m a senior in James Madison, I was valedictorian in high school, and my wand is nine inches, elm, with a core of dragon heartstring,” she announced.

At this point she whipped out her wand and began attempting to levitate the beverages of other tables in the bar. It was clear she actually believed in not only magic but also thievery. Nobody said a word. There was a lingering suspicion this wasn’t the first time she had been caught attempting this. As she started to just drag other beers towards her with her wand, the bartender stepped in and said, “What the fuck are you doing, Kim? Stop.” We asked her what lead her to her sport of choice.

Her tone lowered and she begrudgingly confessed, “You know, I was once a beater. I was one of the best there was. A master beater some would say. I took my anger out with my beating. I would beat anyone that roused my anger and before long I was beating half the school. They said I had beaten…” She rambled on and on, not necessarily proud; yet certainly not ashamed of all the master beatings she had given. “Ah but you see, at that point a professor suggested I give the beating up, master or not. When I tried to beat him off of my case, Lou Anna came in and forbade me from beating ever again.”

Confused again, we assumed that the sons of snitches over at Ann Arbor were clearly at fault. Either that or they’re way better at Harry Potter roleplaying sports because they’re nerds. Our seeker rambled on until we told her that Dublin’s kitchen was only open for another hour, and that is was half-off. Strangely, she nodded in understanding. She mumbled a Dumbledore quote under her breath as we texted our friends and then flew off on her broom … wait, what? Holy shit.

The

Top

Ten

Unorthodox Things to Eat in Class By: Meg Enter

Addressing

Accidental Anal By: Zoë Kremke Well, this is certainly awkward. It’s every girl’s worst nightmare (or kinkiest fantasy, we don’t judge), and it’s time that the whole concept of “accidental anal” was formally addressed in a mature manner. The inevitable “whoops” moment can and will happen to all of us at one point or another, there’s no avoiding it whatsoever. So don’t be one of those people who says, “Oh, that will never happen to me, I’m young and impervious to accidental anal and all of its repercussions.” Wrong. That’s an unacceptable attitude to have towards accidental anal. What’s important to discuss is how to cope after the accidental anal occurs. Since there is no getting around this shitty situation, it’s best to just accept the general concept and move forward with a plan of action. Let’s start with the worse case scenario: You and your significant other, or not-so-significant one-night stand, are getting hot and heavy. All it takes is for your guard to get let down for just a few moments, because that’s just long enough to very literally slip up. Then, wouldn’t you know it, you’re shaking in a puddle of cold sweat as you fade into passing out, your head reeling on the bed of a seedy hotel in Niagara Falls. It’s amazing how a beautiful sexual experience can instantly take a sharp turn down the wrong one-way street. Now, you may be reading this thinking, Dear God, I never dreamed of such an unfortunate scenario. Tell me immediately how I would proceed in such a dire circumstance! First, don’t panic. It hurts. There’s a reason you’re blacking out. You

had no way to prepare yourself for this, so don’t be ashamed — think of it like cleaning out the sink when the garbage disposal randomly turns on. Wear your pain with pride. Don’t be afraid to puke all over your accidentally incompetent lover. They kind of deserve it. Next, you need to be aware of the longterm side effects. To make a long story short, shitting is going to be a problem for a while. If you think about it, this makes sense, as you’ve just had a hard rod shoved up your ass that’s bigger than most of the shits you take, or so we hope. We advise that you eat a lot of fruit to counter this problem. Or maybe just a lot of ethnic food from the shadiest hole in the wall restaurant you can drum up. Your call, either will work. The question you now need to ask yourself is whether or not this mistake should elicit a breakup with your sexual partner. Now, The Black Sheep doesn’t like to point fingers and place blame, especially in an incident as common as this. So, it’s our advice that you don’t abandon all sexual hope and hang yourself with a celibate rope Young MC style. You won’t die with this as your last sexual experience. As a matter of fact, the easiest way to go about handling accidental anal is to jump right back on the horse. Grab some water, shake yourself back into focus, and get back to bumping nasties. Never again will you have a reason for feeling inadequate, since getting back to it after experiencing that level of pain qualifies you as Ultimate Female Chuck Norris. And that’s quite a title, ladies.

From the casual nibblers to the gargantuan gobblers, we’ve all been there— wondering what we got ourselves into this semester while slouched over a desk that’s so small it appears as if it were built for ants, which are likely to begin colony given all the candy wrappers and fast food paper that surrounds us. Sometimes we’re emaciated from a drunken power walk to class after downing some midday Long Islands and we just have to chow. Sometimes we’re stress-eating instead of absorbing the critical knowledge at hand. Sometimes we just have the munchies. Mostly though, it’s the others; crumpling their chip bags, slurping a fine soup du jour while lecture is in progress, and generally irritating the attention out of everyone. We’ve unwillingly seen it all and got bored with the tired granola bar, so we put together a list of the top ten unorthodox things to eat in class. Switch it up, babes. 10.) Chowder: You’re sure to alienate all your fellow classmates with a big bowl of steamy chowder during your morning lecture. Approximately seventy-five percent of your cohorts are going to be hungover, so the warm cheese aroma mixed with concentrated piss fumes are sure to help expunge the mix of Franzia, Sailor Jerry’s, and late-night Taco Bell from their stomachs. 9.) Freshly made waffles: What’s so special about eating waffles in class? It’s all about the preparation. You’ll be the envy and distraction of everyone around you when you whip out your waffle iron and plug that bitch into the wall while your professor pretends not to notice. 8.) Canned fish: Move over, camping trip with dad. Fish in a can is now reserved for the collegiate experience. You’ll be saying, “Hello ladies!” as you slurp down some kippers covered in oil while the poor bastard next to you tries to erase his vom-face and just stay put until class is over. 7.) Chocolate from a rented, full-service fondue fountain: Imagine strawberries dipped in chocolate. Sounds delicious, right? Now imagine dipping a giant strawberry filled with chocolate dipped pretzels, candies, and crackers into an equally enormous chocolate fountain, while a couple dozen other detached college students watch in envy. If Jay Z went to college that’s what he would have done. 6.) Cactus: South of the border, our Mexican friends consider cactus quite the delicacy. Impress your Native American Studies professor and prove to your classmates how badass you are by mowing down on a raw cactus. 5.) Haggis: Haggis is a highlander dish comprised of a bunch of rejected sheep parts, some oatmeal, and suet that is simmered for a comfortable three hours in an animal stomach. It is currently illegal to import haggis to the US due to health and safety issues involving lamb intestines. So stick it to the man by gnawing on some haggis in the middle of your chemistry class. Fuck it, suck down some scotch while you’re at it. 4.) Head cheese: While we’re on the topic, why not add some meat jelly to the mix? Nothing says “I’m gearing up for this pop quiz on fatty acids” like a block of congealed gelatin found in animal skulls. 3.) Worms: What started as an innocent dare turned into a guilty childhood pleasure until we realized how fucked up eating worms actually is. Your classmates will definitely recognize you as unorthodox as you nosh from a bucket labeled “Country Larry’s Live Bait ‘N Tackle.” 2.) Hair: We’ve heard the new “in” thing is to pull out your hair and eat it. Not only is it a great source of fiber, apparently it’s also a great way to manage stress. So the professionals call it a “disease.” Eat a few strands and never have to worry about a group project again. 1.) Another human: When you get desperate enough, the guest lecturer will certainly give you something to chew over. The best part is once you’ve got your professor roasting on a spit, it couldn’t be easier to butter him up. Okay, you have to be a little impressed that we made a decent joke about cannibalism. We’ll stick with our bland string cheese and bags of Fritos, since causing an in-class house-of-cards-type puking scenario or going to jail for cooking a person just sounds way too hard.

Around campus Send us your party pics from around campus to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

on the Streets What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed at someone else’s expense? Lara, Senior

“My roommate tried to piggyback my other roommate and did a front flip over him.”

nior Spencer, Se

“Honestly, I laugh at other people’s expense daily.”

ior Connor, Sen

“I laughed pretty hard at the guy Mayweather just beat up.”

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How to win in im sports

No matter what

By: Black Sheep Staff

As fall hits its stride, the football players aren’t the only ones who feel like tossing the pigskin and dominating weaker counterparts. Don’t believe us? Drive down Albert on a weekday evening and count how many times a bro in Ray-Bans overthrows a deep ball into your windshield. Everyone is practicing for their intramural league, whether it be indoor volleyball, dodgeball, football, or if you like doing acid a lot, ultimate Frisbee. Here at The Black Sheep we’ve devised a guide to dominate you IM league while maintaining the key aspect of rec sports: looking like you’re not really trying at all. Rule 1. Pre-game preparation: This means fun things and not so fun things. Fun things first, of course: drink liquor. It’s important that we highlight liquor and not wine or beer because it won’t fill up your stomach and make you run to the side of Farm Lane to blow chunks. Second, actually prepare yourself physically. If that means taking enough shots of Rumple Minze to not feel like a pansy about stretching, go for it. Bottom line is you’re not in “high school shape” anymore, and running onto the field after your Welcome Month binge unprepared will make you look like you go to Michigan. Rule 2. Pick a great team name: “Coach Mark’s D” is a good one, but it’s not great. “Tom Izz-bro”? Getting

there. “Magic Johnson’s Cure”? Bingo. Be badass yet humorous. No one will take you seriously if you have a name like “The CMAC” or “Team Friendship.” Intimidation is half the battle and if your team name strikes fear or laughter, you look cool either way. Rule 3. Know the rules: It doesn’t matter if you’re playing sand volleyball, if you don’t know the rules you’re going to look like a dumbass and a cheater. Here’s one for guys with a Napoleon complex or people with pent-up aggression: you can’t hit in flagfootball. If you hit people, or “throw a shoulder,” everyone is going to think all that pent up aggression comes from you not hooking up with anyone in years, because you probably haven’t. Play fair, and if you’re down a few points, keep calm and draw up a Dantonio play. Rule 4. Guys, if you’re on a co-ed squad, be nice to the girls: When we say “nice” we don’t mean slapping asses and giving high-fives, we mean actually including them in plays. “But girls aren’t as good as sports!” a numbskull with no ability to see the big picture might say. It doesn’t matter whether the girls on your team are any good, including them will do two things for you. First, it will increase your chances of hooking up with any of them. Second, if you lose, you can just say “Well Rachel thought offside meant ‘go stand off

to the side’.” Just kidding ladies, you are all valuable members of society and we appreciate your effort on and off the field. Rule 5. Don’t argue with the refs. They’re college students just like you, except they probably really don’t want to watch you and your friends sweat yourself into thinking you’re still a natural athlete. Be kind to them and they might throw a few calls your way, because let’s face it, no one gives a shit who wins the damn league except the people who win the damn league. Who knows, if you run into one of them at the bar, a Johnny Vegas might be all it takes to secure that pivotal next W. Rule 6. Make t-shirts: With Underground Printing and Retro Duck within walking distance, there’s no

excuse to not make team shirts. You’ll look more official in the present, but look further down the line. In the future when you’re 35, working a desk job and toting 25 extra pounds around your gut, you’ll crack open an IPA you paid way too much for in your modest Chicago apartment. Your significant other that you’re thinking about marrying will watch you spill nacho cheese on your “Lou Anna’s Assassins” t-shirt and remember that you were once a fun, fit person. Above all, if you think that you’re about to do something that one drunk dad who used to yell at your tball team would do, stop! Take a few deep breaths, let the booze soak in, and remember that you and your opponent both go to the greatest university in the world. Well, the greatest in the B1G at least. Monsters University looked pretty cool.

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The Bar Grid

January 2010

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

SPECIAL NIGHT Thur. 9/26 Fri. 9/27

FRIDAY: Free Cover! Daily Specials: $2.50 Beers, Pints,Wednesday Wells Monday 9pm-Close $2.50 - Pints $2.50 Washington Apples, $2.50 – Call Drinks Johnny Vegas, Soco Limes, Tuesday 9pm-Close 6 $2.00 – Well Drinks Kamikazes $3.00 – Premium Drafts $4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close $2.00 – Domestic Drafts $2.50 – Well Drinks $3.00 – Bombs Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints $2.50 – Call Drinks Friday 9pm-Close $3.50 – All Pints $3.00 – Well Drinks Saturday 9pm-Close $3.50 – All Pints $3.00 – Well Drinks Sunday All Day $3.00 –Bloody Mary & Mimosas $3.00 – Pints $8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint Every Day $3.00 – Kamikaze Shots $4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs

Thursday

31 of Guinness, 1 Harp, Smithwicks 2 $3 Pints DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village and Bass, $5 Car Bombs, $3 Jameson, DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) Bushmills, John Powers, 7 8 9 $3 Wells, Half-off Potato Skins, Irish NaDJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) The Whirly Birds chos and Chicken Thumbs DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

Book Harper’s & RUSH Special Events 20 B-Days, Graduation, and Greek Functions!

28 DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

9pm – Close Every Day ½ Off – Potato Skins Hush Puppies & Onion Rings

29 DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

WED: $1.75 House-Brewed Pints,

$2 Shots, $2.25 Cocktails, $0.25 Boneless 1oz Wings, $4 Medium & $7 Large Cheese Pizza, $3 Burgers No Cover - Live Entertainment!, Live Music + DJs Starting at 6PM!

Ladies DJ Beats (Front Bar) Night: 1/2 Price Drinks!, DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers $2 Coors Light, 21 22 23 Miller Lite, Labatt DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM and Bud Light Drafts DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3 Bud Light Platinums DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar)

Free Cover! $2.50 Beers, Pints, Wells $2.50 Washington Apples, Johnny Vegas, Soco Limes, Kamikazes

Irish Happy Hour: 4-7pm Friday (except: Saturday Everyday! Wed.)

Thirsty Girl Thursday! $2.25 Wells and Beers Live DJ

30 DJ Beats

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Bud Light, Labatt Blue Light, $3.50 Well Liquor, DJ Dublin Square Irish Pub 327 Abbott Rd D Donnie For More Information Contact Us: (517) 3512222 www.dublinsquare.net Or Text: “Dublin Square” to 839863 for specials & updates.

No Cover! Burger Bash 3-8PM 1/2 off All Wells, Calls, Pints, Bottles, Pitchers, Shots and Bombs $2.50 ALL Call Drinks, $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

Specials Run Open to Close Monday - Sunday!

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

TGI Friday! Live Music! $3.00 Pints, Bombs, Bacardi, Stoli

$3 ALL DRAFT PINTS, $3 Jack Daniels, Wells, Domestic Bottles, Soco Lime, Kamakaze

$2 Domestic Pints & $4 Bombs, $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks, $2 Washington Apple Shots, Cheeseburger Combo/Falafurger Combo w/Pitcher $11 Dom/$13 Craft $5 Domestic & $7 Craft/Premium Pitchers, $5 16oz Long Islands, $5 22oz Dead Guy Ales, $2 SoCo Limes, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our "Other" Wines , $12.95 Surf N Turf, $2 off All Veggie Entrees

East Lansing MI 48823

Thursday: No Cover! Burger Bash 3-8PM 1/2 off All Wells, Calls, Pints, Bottles, Pitchers, Shots and Bombs

Sat. 9/28

Satisfaction Saturday! *Ladies Night~ Every Thursday! Live DJs All Night Long $2.50 Pints and $3.50 Calls

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Bud Light, Labatt Blue Light $3.50 Well Liquor DJ Beats

Satisfaction Saturday! Live Music! $2.50 Pints $3.50 Calls

$3.50 All Flavored Vodka $3.50 Captain Drinks $3 Wells & Domestics $3 Soco Lime $5 Spartan Bombs

Sun. 9/29

Harper’s Half Off Wednesday The Lowest Prices In East Lansing

$3 Bloody Marys $3 Mimosas $3.00 ALL Draft Pints $8 Burger and Pint Special

Sunday Funday! $2.00 Pints open til 7 ½ off Adult Beverages & Pizza 7-close

Closed for Lions football Please call (517) 332-2959 for Bar Crawls Live entertainment 6 nights/week

$3 Managers Choice Craft Beer Pints, $3 16oz Oasis Bloody Marys & Mimosas, $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $2 Well Whiskey Drinks $5 Off Kabob Combos For Two & $2 Off Veggie Sampler Appetizers

Mon. 9/30

$2 Bottles of Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Lt, Labatt Blue Light, $2 Wells

No Cover! $3.00 Burgers til 4 $2.00 Pints 7 til close

$4 Domestic Pitchers $5 Premium Pitchers $3 Blue Shots

$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 1/2 Lbs. Cheeseburger & Falafurger Combo

Tues. 10/1

Book Harper’s & RUSH For Fundraisers, Meet and Greets, Barcrawls!

$2 Wells $3 All Pints $4 Pitchers of Labatt DJ Juan Trevino

Free Pizza Rama! No Cover - Guest DJ! 7pm - Close: $2.00 Wells, $3.50 Well Doubles, $10.50 Buckets of Corona

NO COVER! $2.50 ALL Call Drinks $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lite and Rolling Rock Bottles, $2.50 Call Drinks, $3.50 Long Islands, $2.50 SoCo Lime and Kamikaze shots

$3 Made-in-Michigan Beers (Bottles and Pints), $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses of All, Our Made in Michigan Wines, $6 Pitchers of Oasis Mai Tai's, $3.50 Glasses of Oasis Mai Tai's, $3 Off Select Appetizers

No Cover! $2.50 Bud Lite and Budweiser Bottles, $2 Wells, $3 White Gummy Bears

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer, $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands, $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers, $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines, $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

Wed. 10/2

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1/2 Off Night DJ Juan Trevino

$1.75 House-Brewed Pints, $2 Shots, $2.25 Cocktails, $0.25 Boneless 1oz Wings, $4 Medium & $7 Large Cheese Pizza, $3 Burgers No Cover - Live Entertainment!, Live Music + DJs Starting at 6PM!

Thur. 10/3

Book Harper’s & RUSH Special Events B-Days, Graduation, and Greek Functions!

Ladies Night: 1/2 Price Drinks!, $2 Coors Light, Miller Lite, Labatt and Bud Light Drafts $3 Bud Light Platinums

Thirsty Girl Thursday! $2.25 Wells and Beers Live DJ

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

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famous jims ACROSS 1) President Jimmy, of the late 70s. 3) This Jimmy wants you to come on down to Margaritaville. 5) Jim Davis created this famous kitty cartoon. 6) Jim Morrison sang, “Come on baby, light my” what? 10) One of the headliners of Woodstock ‘69, two words. 11) This rapper’s biggest single was 2006’s “We Fly High,” two words. 12) Last name of Jim on The Office. 13) This Jimmy’s hit song was “The Middle,” two words. 15) Creator of Kermit the Frog, amongst others.

late-night talk show host. 5) This comedian’s most famous stand-up is King Baby. 7) British hottie Jim Sturgess played Jude in the 2007 film Across the what? 8) Guitarist and leader of Led Zeppelin, two words. 9) Former co-host of The Man Show. 14) Jim Carrey played this character in the successful 1998 film.

DOWN 1) This Jim’s most famous role was as Jesus in The Passion of the Christ. 2) Jim Parsons played this character on The Big Bang Theory. 2) Sean Connery is amongst many who played this famous James. 4) Former SNL cast member turned

crossword

HUNGRY?

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Bartender of the Week do?: Carry me on its back to class so I don’t have to walk to Hubbard anymore.

Relationship Status: Relationship with myself Major: Communication

Yoga pants: Overrated, underrated or properly rated? Why?: Yogas=life.

Favorite Drink: Vodka and water

What nostalgic TV show do you most dislike?: I secretly hated Hey Arnold! because Helga Pataki gave blondes a bad image.

Favorite Shot: Tequila Disgusting Drink: Liquid cocaine What bargoer pet peeve would you like to wipe off the face of this earth?: People who grab your attention and then are too drunk to form words.

What’s something that sounds like a sex position, but isn’t?: The Novak.

When was the last time you danced like no one was watching, loved like you’d never be hurt, or sang like no one was listening?: These are the guidelines on how I live my life.

Melissa of Harper’s Drinking Game Truth or Dare Just like the middle school game you played, but with more drinking involved. Hey, the “more drinking” part always works out for the best, doesn’t it? What You’ll Need: A deck of cards, some beer, and an iron will. Number of Players: 3+ Level of Intoxication: We dare you not to throw up. How to Play: -Begin the game by dealing each player four cards, face-up. -In the middle of the table, lay out two rows of five cards. One row will be “truth,” the other, “dare.” -Note which end of the rows you wish to start on. The first set of cards is worth two drinks, the second set is four, the third, six and so on. -Flip over the first card in the “truth” set. If any player has this card in their upturned set of four, then he or she must drink for two seconds or answer a question agreed upon by the group. -Flip over the first card in the “dare” set. Any player with this card in their upturned set of four may give any other player two drinks. In return, the player who takes the drinks gives a dare in return. -This escalates to four drinks or a truth, four drinks in return for a dare, etc. The Game Ends When: Everyone is naked from dares and crying because they’ve been forced to admit their darkest secrets.

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If you had a clone, what would be the weirdest thing you’d make it

If you had to have a hangover or diarrhea for a week, which is it?: Hangover, because then I could just watch Netflix all week. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Might as well read something since I know you’re not reading for school.

Recipe for disaster The Old-Fashioned With Breaking Bad coming to a close, it’s time to find a different series to pour yourself into. Enter: Netflix, the Holy Grail of all things TV. Our suggestion? Mad Men. To get you in the mood, we thought it’d be a good idea to introduce you to main character Don Draper’s go-to drink, which is also the manliest cocktail you could order during a night on the town. What You’ll Need: A tumbler whiskey glass, sugar cubes, angostura bitters (flavored or not), an orange, lemon or any citrus-like fruit of your choosing, a muddler and a bottle of your favorite bourbon whiskey Cook Time: 2 minutes Fatty Factor: Not fat, manly Let’s Get Baked, er Drunk: - Add one sugar cube to the glass and cover it with dashes of the angostura bitters - Muddle the cube until it is well dissolved - Add an orange wedge and a maraschino cherry and muddle the juices out of each - Add 2 oz. of whiskey (or a bit more if you’re feeling risky) - Add 1-2 large ice cubes and stir - Garnish with both an orange and lemon twist This drink is meant to be sipped and savored, so don’t chug this delicious concoction. It also pairs perfectly with a nice tenderloin, so order this when you’re out to dinner. This is also what Ryan Gosling’s character mixes up for Emma Stone’s in Crazy, Stupid, Love, so now you’re halfway there on landing a kick-ass chick like that.

nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com

the black sheep interviews:

Flux Pavilion English DJ-slash-producer Joshua Steele, better known as Flux Pavilion, was kind enough to give us a solid fifteen minutes to talk about music, because like us, he likes music. Be sure to check him out, as well as Calvin Harris and a ton of other awesome artists, at the Forever Festival in Detroit, Friday, September 27th!

I wanted to work with them because we have similar ideas that we can approach in different directions. There was no problem there. Where there was a problem, they write on a Game Boy, and that doesn’t stay in time or is necessarily in tune. They’d send me a tune and it’d be out of time because the algorithm in the Game Boy is different than a computer.

The Black Sheep: How does the songwriting process for electronic music differ when you’re working alone versus with a person? Flux Pavilion: I prefer to do a lot of work on my own. For a collaboration it depends on who I work with, and their creative process. Getting on the same page of music, often we’ll sit for a couple of hours talking before we work on the music, which allows you to know where they’re coming from so you can approach the music from a certain way. I was just did a session with these guys, Anamanaguchi, who are a four-piece group, who do video game-style music. I sat on my computer as they got their Game Boys out, they’d make music and they’d send it over by email. I ended up with 30 email cuts and I’d take those cuts and see where they’d take me. It was like I was producing a song with people in the room where we’d just say, “how about that there and that there?”

TBS: When you do a live set, do you adapt things show to show? FP: I don’t actually change my set for anyone, because I think that my job on that stage as an artist is to give a performance of who I am as a musician. I’m showing what my taste is and who I am as an artist. I think of myself as a band, and if a band shows up and the crowd doesn’t like their music and they decide instead to play a lot of covers, it’s like, what’s the point of the band being there if they don’t play what makes them tick? If people hate it, then those people aren’t a fan of what I do. I don’t give a shit about that, I don’t want everyone to like me. I want to give the best impression of what I do, and I want people to love that.

TBS: Someone like that, with such a distinct sound, does that provide you with any kind of challenges? FP: Their sound is quite similar to mine, actually. I wanted to work with them because I could tell that we think in the same way about music and chord structure and melodies.

TBS: Has that always been your frame of mind, or has your approach to a live show changed? FP: It has changed, I guess. I’m more confident now. I never used to talk on the mic, I’d just go out there and play the music. I used to mix the tracks with my back to the audience for a few minutes. My approach has changed because I think there’s something more thrilling with being up there and connecting with people. When I get into music, I want them to get into it as well.

TBS: What can people expect in a live show going forward? FP: Next year it’s a lot more towards live singing and live stuff. I’ve always written music with the idea of it being performed live. I’m not a producer who does loads of crazy sounds or chopping and editing. I quite like natural sounds, even if it’s a ridiculous electronic track, there’s natural elements to it. I want it to sound aesthetically the same, but performed by live people, but with me singing with a guitar solo. That’s every kid’s dream, isn’t it? To be like Jimi Hendrix. TBS: You’ve said before you’re inspired by Sigur Ros and Brian Eno. This seems to be a similar theme among musicians of all genres. What’s so musically interesting about them that they’re universally loved? FP: Because they work with feelings, I guess. Their music makes me feel something. It sounds like they want it to sound. It’s a hard thing to explain, but a track’s not made for the radio with a hook or a chorus, it’s music that exists because it needs to exist. It came from their brains or their hearts and there’s something pure and natural about that. It’s untouched by nothing but the humans that created it, which is a really awesome thing. I think Dr Dre’s The Chronic is one of the best hip-hop albums because it sounds like Dr. Dre wrote all the tracks, a music representation of his brain. Pure music is a vision or a concept that an artist doesn’t have a plan, they just sit down and write a song without thinking. By: Brendan Bonham

The black sheep

interviews: Dominique Ansel Creator of the cronut By: brendan bonham Is it a croissant? A donut? No, it’s a cronut. From the mind of mad pastry chef Dominique Ansel comes something that’s as much fun to push out of your mouth as it is to shove in. Cronut, cronut, cronut. Hah, cronut. We wanted to talk about cronuts (and say cronuts) and Mr. Ansel was kind enough to indulge us.

The Black Sheep: How do you get from the idea of a cronut, to a cronut? Dominique Ansel: I create new things all the time. The creative part is very, very important; I won’t launch an item until I know it’s up to my standards. For the cronut, it took me about two months. It’s not the question rushing something quickly, it’s more finding the perfect texture and the right way to do it to make sure the product lasts in time. Really, finding a good product that could made properly without requiring too much time and unique in texture and flavor. TBS: What are some of the variables in play when you’re getting this ready? DA: A lot of little things; the ratio for the recipe, the ingredients a product contains, the type of flour, the technique, the refining pricing. Everything is very, very important. If you change one thing, it’s different at the end. That’s why I test the product every day, to make sure it’s up to my standards. TBS: When did you decide they’re ready? Was it one of those eureka moments, or was it

more “finally, this is what I was looking for”? DA: You know, it’s just something that you know. Recipe after recipe, time after time it’s a good product that you try to make better. Once I had the perfect texture, I knew it was ready to go. TBS: And when you first started selling these, was it just something in your store, then it took off? DA: Exactly. We launched the product back in May and it was just on the menu. I make new things all the time. People really liked it, and we appeared on a blog. That same night the blog called us and said it was linked over 140 times, and that we should make a few more. The next day there were people waiting outside. It was a surprise for me. TBS: The amount you make a day, where does that number come from? DA: Well, we have a small kitchen, so we do as many as we can, but we need to make the other things that we serve. We’re not a cronut shop. I don’t want the creation to kill the creativity, I want to create new things and keep people excited. Right after the cronut we launched the frozen s’more, it’s marshmallowly ice cream, we torch it to order to caramelize the outside. You only have a few minutes to eat it, and it’s a unique experience to enjoy ice cream. I’m going to do something for the fall that is nice and different, too. TBS: How busy are you right now? DA: I spend a lot of time in the bakery. I open the doors myself every day. We’ll show up 4:30, 5 in the morning. I’ll be in the kitchen until 8a.m. then opening the doors and welcoming people. It’s important to me to be close to my staff. TBS: Do you own the name or the idea? DA: We own the trademark to the name “cronut.” TBS: People making knock-offs, do you try them? DA: I haven’t tried any yet. To me, when you inspire people to make new things, it’s great. TBS: Do you have concerns that you’ll be Cronut Guy? DA: I want to keep making things and keep people excited. People come now and see all the other pastries we have, a fresh selection and made-to-order. People don’t just come for the cronuts, they come because we’re different.

spot the difference

Can you find the 10 differences in this gameday scene? Send your answers to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com - the first right answer gets a prize!

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