The Black Sheep
fr ee Co ... li nd ke om Th s Y ose ou W r C elc A G om av e W e Y ee ou k .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 6 • 2/28/13 - 3/6/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_umn
Days That Should Be Holidays Gabby VandenAvond wrote this
Nestled in the shadow of Valentine's Day, it's easy to consider what other aspects of our lives could be made into seemingly pointless holidays. As the world's future Hallmark Greeting Card writers, we should all be on the lookout for the next big corporate scam. Here are some ideas that are a little less commercial and a lot more epic. National I-Don’t-Want-To Day: Every single day of our college careers the phrase, “I don’t want to” runs through our head two billion times. Setting aside a day when saying “I don’t want to” actually exempts you from your obligations may be a refreshing change of pace…that is, before society collapses in on itself due to lack of motivation to keep it running. Honorary Orgasm Day: While it is definitely beneficial to orgasm way more than once a year, it can’t hurt to set aside a day during which casual sex is acceptable, masturbation is encouraged, and condoms are thrown around like rice at a wedding. Oh wait, that's every day in college. Kudos to us, Gophers. Official Kitten Giveaway Day: Why is this not a thing? Who doesn’t want a free kitten? Are you seriously going to try and tell us that when Official Kitten Giveaway Day comes around you are going to dread it? NO. Nobody truly hates kittens. You may think that you do, but once you do some serious soul-searching and self-reflection, you will see that you, in fact, love kittens. Just imagine that purring fluff of cuteness curled beside you. Yes. This is a fantastic holiday. International Hug a Hottie Day: We all see countless, ineffably attractive human beings every single day of our lives. The West Bank is swarming with gorgeous theatrical women, scorching hot Carlson men, and lots of entrancing, gay art majors. Basically, there’s something for everyone. So why not have a day during which you have society's permission to waltz up to a Grade-A hottie and give them one giant, bear-smothering hug? You know you want to (actually, you probably want to do other things as well, but nobody’s going to condone a holiday for it). So here’s your chance, buddy. Squeeze that theater major. Free Bus Day: To be honest, we just hate picking out exactly $1.75 for a bus fare. Just let us go to Uptown without having to dig in the recesses of our pockets for lint-covered quarters. In fact, just let us go to and fro East and West Bank without breaking the empty bank or resorting to the tuna can we all know as the Campus Connector.
The top 10: Things to remember to be a better sexter
it's about time you brush up on those naughty emoticons.
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Thank A Custodian Day: No, really. There isn’t a single person who enjoys cleaning other people’s pubic hair out of a shower drain, and if they didn’t do it you’d be up to your knees in backed-up, cloudy water. We could go on and be all graphic about it, or we could just dedicate a day to showing some gratitude. Your call. Filter-less Friday: Miss Manners needs a day off. We can all use a day when we don't censor a single idea that comes in and out of our brains, or wonder if other people are telling us the truth (eyes on you, Passive Aggressive Minnesotans). Get it all out
what'’s inside
during the day. Then hit the frats with your friends and know what they ACTUALLY think about your outfit. I’ll drink to that. We had some just-misses as well, from “Yay! You Didn’t Poop Your Pants Day” to “Smoke Weed Every Day Day,” but with spring break, St. Patrick’s Day and the Ides of March (everyone, wine orgy, woo!) ahead, we decided against partying a little too hard. You know what? Did you shit yourself yesterday? No? We’ll go get a case.
Navigating The Friend Zone
Are you smarter than...
Enough of that "Just Friends" B.S. The Black Sheep is ready to help you take a stand.
Jens, the Sally's bartender who is possibly the first to not fail this test.
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4: A Guy's Perspective: Women's Winter Fashion Trends Around The U
page 4
Let's wrap our manly minds around last February's most impractical winter fashion trends.
page 5: Valuable Things to Do in Lecture
Like, doing anything other than paying attention to said lecture.
page 6: From the streets
Table of
What song would you live an a cappella group to serenade you with?
page 10: Thanks for Playing: Black History Month! Monumental steps forward during this past month.
page 12: Guess This Dress! Oscar Edition Which sexy ladies rocked 'em on the red carpet?
page 10
February signing bonus: all 3 bedrooms, $100 off rent for the year!
$500 signing bonus for all 5 bedroom leases signed in February!
! page three k e e W e h t f o Pic word of the week
Slumbeer:
The last beer of the evening, often drank as a person is nodding off. “If Neil drops his slumbeer, be sure to wake him up by pouring whatever isn’t spilt on his head.”
Meet The Staff campus manager Luis Guitart
marketing manager Nishad Trivedi
Editorial Manager Alyssa Hertig
campus director Brendan Bonham
Advertising Manager Eddie Lund
owner Atish Doshi
Writers McKinley Johnson, Katrina Nicholson Alexandra Adams, Becca Marsnik Tim Krueger, Liandra Sy Gabby Vanden Avond
Founders Luis Guitart, Hannah Comer, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers,
distribution manager Eddie Lund
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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The
Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
Things to Remember To Be a Better Sexter
In a world of ever-growing smart phone technology, staying connected has never been easier... or kinkier. Yup, we’re talking about sexting: the Western Frontier of subtle seduction. And we, the chosen generation of the 21st century, are its pioneers. Many will fail and only a few succeed. Worry not! Here are ten tips to remember for sexier sexting. 10.) Remember the Context: Imagine coming home from class and receiving this text: “Hey baby, what are you wearing?” Like foreplay, sexting must not be random. It has to follow a specific mood or event to be triggered. Initiating sexting is preferred after several rounds of romantic flirting (and sighing). 9.) Stay Cryptic: There's something about being completely mysterious in art and form which teases the human mind. That said, getting metaphorical on the shape of your woman's waist is appealing in cheap smut, but cliched in practice. Instead, a small glimpse of all the naughty and not-so-nice fetishes running free in your mind can unlock your own Cave of Wonders.
A Guy’s Perspective: Women's Winter Fashion Trends Around The U Tim Krueger wrote this This winter was cold... so damn cold that polar bears petitioned for an increase in greenhouse gas emissions this year. With the well-beyond subzero lows, it should have been perfectly acceptable to never leave the house, or dress like a mountaineer to venture for much-needed supplies. Of course there was the option of ordering your groceries online like any self-respecting shut-in would, but for some reason students still felt the need to go out for a breath of brisk air and get together with friends for a night out in town. For the weekend warriors this meant giving Old Man Winter and hemlines the middle finger. It’s always shocking to see how many women go out in miniskirts and stilettos, and how many guys thought that a button-up or t-shirt would suffice. It’s fucking cold, people! You could have dressed like the Michelin Man and people would understand. Really, who’s ever let a parka get in the way of a good time?
8.) Don't Demand or Beg: Regardless of how dire your hard-on is, nobody likes aggression, least of all in sext form. None of that SMS guilt tripping, either. 7.) Remember the Small Things: Every person works hard for their image. Whether it's something they say or wear, it shapes who they are, and recognition of that will help your lusting. A quick quip on how sexy that skirt looked on her can do the trick. 6.) No Sex Euphemisms: We know you're a big fan of literary smut, but sex euphemisms suck. We don't care how often George R.R. Martin uses “member” to mean penis in his otherwise epic fantasy saga. It doesn't work in sexting (or in real life, if you think about it). 5.) No Overused Sayings: Though it worked perfectly as an example, “What are you wearing?” is one of the must-avoid cliches in cyber foreplay. Though seduction needs to appear seamless, you don't want to look indifferent by recycling overused phrases. 4.) Determine Your Role: Both in sex and relationships, there will almost always be one person being more dominant than the other. It's a delicate balance that must be maintained to prevent a clash mid-sext. This is NOT the same as coercion and its counterpart, blind submission. Sexting is a tango, and based on the mood and rhythm, you might have to lead or you might have to follow.
To be fair, most students at the U were well equipped for the yearly 4-month freeze, but we’ve noticed a few odd trends, especially amongst the lady Gophers. Here’s our take, from guy to the universe, on some of the most notorious styles spotted last February. The Bedazzled Floral Head Band: This thing has been blooming pre-spring in a field of sorority girls all winter. We couldn't pass twenty girls without being blinded by the glimmering rays projected off their bejeweled flower heads. As to how warm they keep your head, it’s teetering between “not very” and “my head could be warmer.” Next winter, we suggest ditching the trend for a coonskin cap. Plus it makes us all wish spring would actually get off its winter-like beginnings and remind us what it's like to be warm again. The Massive Never-Ending-Scarf: This scarf has to weigh close to five pounds. We actually see girls' necks bulge from hauling the weight of this thing. However straining it looks to wear, it sure does look cozy. It’s like a portable winter pillow; bus napping has never seemed so achievable. The massive never-ending-scarf is definitely something we can get behind. It’s practical, chic, and looks like it can bring on quite a sweat. The Sweat Pants Tucked in the Uggs Look: First off, Uggs are expensive, and salt stains depreciate value. “I’m wearing them because they’re my old pair. My new ones are in the closet.” If guys paid $150+ for a pair a shoes, we’re wearing them until the soles fall out. We wouldn’t buy another pair until then. Yes, we know they’re warm, but so are grandma's knitted wool socks. When you pair the Uggs with sweat pants, it makes for a frumpy look. We don’t care that you were in a rush and didn’t have time to create an outfit. Most days, we pick our clothes off the floor pile, but if you’re willing to pay top dollar for some boots, don’t drag them through the salt and slush thinking that they’ll make up for the U of M sweats and your night time tee. If you’re going to dress down, go all out. Leave the makeup in the bag, screw the shower, bun the hair, and slip on them tennies 'cause you’re beautiful girl. Don’t let the Uggs wear you. Black Thermal Leggings: When we wear long underwear, we usually wear them – wait for it -- under something. If you’re going for a run, fine. If you’re heading to the gym, great. Most guys have never tried wearing long johns as part of their daily attire, but we assume it'd be something like women donning black leggings. Everyone would be staring at our asses as we walk by, trying to see what color boxer briefs we’re wearing. Maybe you wear them for a stranger's wandering eyes, to keep those hammies loose, or because they’re really that comfortable. Either way, those black leggings are booty-ful girl.
3.) Good Grammar: Not everyone is a grammar Nazi, but every person would like to know they're banging someone intelligent enough not to confuse “your” with “you're” or worse... “ur.” For the polyamorous: just remember the differences between “there,” “their,” and “they're.” 2.) Tease, Tease, Oh, and Tease: If sex is the birthday present, think of sexting as the beautiful gift wrap which conceals it. A present without any of that flashy wrapping paper isn't as awesome. Snapchat, get on it. 1.) “Fight Club Rule #1 There Are No Rules”: Though it's helpful to have a guideline in case you're completely clueless, it's better to just go with the flow. Different strokes for different folks. What could be socially unacceptable can be the hottest thing you whispered to your lover's ear all night. Remember that when having some sextual delight.
Liandra Sy wrote this
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
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Valuable Things to Do in Lecture Alexandra Adams wrote this There are no words that can describe how little you care for this class. Whether you’re hearing about rocks (geology) or old dead guys (… all of the subjects), you’re bored out of your mind. You figure there must be some better way to spend your time than listening to this drivel. Wait for it… There is. Take a Look Around: Stop taking college for granted. You’re currently in a room full of stupid, endlessly entertaining humans. Literally everyone there is making terrible decisions that you can physically see or hypothesize. If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that people who are bad at life are good entertainment. Like that nerd two seats ahead of you, making creepy-eyes at the blonde chick. Or, perhaps that artsy girl who is scribbling (what you can only assume is) culturally obscure gibberish into her hipster composition book. What you should really hope for, though, is someone still being drunk from last night. That priceless shit is hard to make up. Text: We’ve reached an enlightened age where you no longer have to be ashamed to openly text. Don’t bother hiding it under your desk like some collegiate goodie two-shoes. Simply act natural; nothing scores sex points like brazen apathy. There's no better way to waste your hundreds of dollars per credit hour. Read The Black Sheep: Yeah, we’re online. It’s smart, sleek, sexy, and super convenient. Instead of listening to some 700 year-old man (who isn’t even Gandalf) drone on about important things, you can look up drinking games or laugh your ass off. College is 90% about avoiding college, and 100% about drinking. See the discrepancy in the math there? PROOF. Just try not to cackle obnoxiously or have Gatorade come out your nose. You don’t want to be that guy.
the street doing performance art? Totally. Living with your weird, rich aunt and all seven of her cathusbands? You gotta do what you gotta do, dude. We all need back-up plans – and we’re not talking Plan B pills here. We mean a lifestyle fallback for when you’re sitting on $80,000 of debt and 80,000 tons of sadness. Read A Book: Yes. We mean a physical book. WITHOUT pictures. We’re big kids now. You can make mental pictures with words, bro. A quick tip for the laziest of the bunch: you don’t actually have to read that book. Even if you stare blankly at the pages of 1984, you’ll still get the attention of your smarter, trendier classmates. C’mon, who doesn’t want more hipster sex in their lives? Warning: Big Brother will be watching.
Do Other Homework: This is a last resort. If the Internet is down, an assignment is due in two hours, or (god forbid) laptops are prohibited, this is a fall back. At least, you’ll be doing something productive. Since we both know you’ve pretty much given up on this current class, might as well get a mediocre grade on your other ones.
Tweet: Take it upon yourself to live tweet the lecture. If possible, tell your classmates beforehand so that they’ll have their laptops out and at the ready during “note-taking time.” Share your views on the professor’s heinous suit, that hung-over kid who’s drooling on his new MacBook, and the fact that the current Power Point pic definitely looks like a penis. Your witty commentary will certainly keep your peers entertained. Someone had to…
Compose Life Theories: Once college is over, we’re basically screwed. If Girls and 21 Jump Street have taught us anything, it’s that being twenty is a hot, entropic mess. So start making lists. Living on
With all this sagacious advice, you should look forward to lecture. Forever gone are the days of sleeping in class or not going at all. Now mommy will rest assured knowing you're in class.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What song would you like an a capella group to serenade you with? “The Power Rangers theme song” - Cale, Junior
"'Rolling in the Deep' by Adele.” - Kelsy, Sophomore
“'When I Was Your Man' by Bruno Mars.” - Anna, Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
The Black Sheep Field Guide: Navigating The Friend Zone McKinley Johnson wrote this
“The difference between a girl friend and girlfriend is that tiny space… called the friend zone.” – Jovante Williams. I received the above message from a dear, platonic friend one cold February night. Sitting warm and voyeuristically cozy in the 1301 building right above the Purple Onion, I was not-really-watching a movie with some girl I knew I was never going to end up with. Seeing those wise words at the top of our newsfeed, I thought: “Why am I sitting here and not hunting for a sloppy, drunken hook-up out there?” Here is where things change. Here is where we take a stand and take the Friend Zone by the storm. Carpe diem? More like carpe amica. That's Latin for, “seize your friend,” boys and girls, and cop that feel. The first step to any battle plan is to know thine enemy. In this case, one needs to know more about that gorgeous piece of man-meat that you’re going to have furious drunken gorilla sex with before you promptly pick up some morning after pills with a side of shame. Remember, a homeless man will do anything for $5, and it’s only illegal to pose as a leasing agent who “needs to show” your beau’s apartment to a “potential tenant” if you get caught. In no time you’ll be well aware of his Coco Puffs fetish and his love of Scarface. Once you get to stalking, you get the secrets. Once you get the secrets, you get their heart. After you gather some intelligence you might get hungry. Go grab a Big Mac and a Shamrock Shake. We can’t exactly do some espionage extraction on an empty stomach, can we? Prepare flash cards and use this grubbing time to quiz yourself over this person’s past. The parent next to you with two children can use you as an example of what not to be when they grow up.
ALL DAY, EVERY DAY
Now it’s time to act. To continue down this road you’ll need an iron will, especially since you might find yourself in some sticky situations. If being in college teaches you anything, it’s to expect the unexpected. Send your future bang buddy a “sing-a-gram” via a capella group singing “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Nothing is quite as seductively spontaneous and blunt as a Color Me Badd classic. At this point there are two options. Option one: cry out for your love like Braveheart cried out for freedom, sans warrior face paint. Option two (preferable): give an oratory confession of repressed love to your friend. Say it with us, Ryan Gosling, “It wasn't over. Still isn't over.” But this speech really comes down to location, location, location. You need to have their entire schedule memorized to secure the perimeter. This is where the aforementioned stalk... research comes in handy. As soon as they’re out, get in their bedroom in breaking and entering fashion and scatter a path of rose petals leading to their bed. Make sure they’ll be out for a while 'cause you’re gonna need to brush up on your method acting. When they walk in, you’ll need to fist fight a ninja (one of your friends dressed up). Save them from near-death, then bust out their favorite Color Me Badd hit while you confess your burning passion. Trust us. This totally works. In no time you can go from friends to lubed up, on-the-go sex machines. And if a police officer asks you what you’re doing outside the target’s bushes, just let the fuzz know you’re planning a surprise birthday for your “best bud.” Ensure him it’ll be “totally hilarious” and he should let you go on with your business. Well, probably.
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The Bar Grid Friday and Saturday! $2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close
February Beer of the Month: $4 Shock Top Honeycrisp Apple Wheat Pints, $5 20oz Drafts Drink of the Month: $5 Bacardi Hurricanes FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS in FEbruary: $3.50 Bud Light Bottles, $4 Stella Artois Taps
SPECIAL NIGHT
FRIDAY: 8pm - Close: $3 Mich. Golden Light Pints $3 Rails Live Music 10pm - Close
THURSDAY 2/28
9pm - Close $2 Coors Light $2.50 Long Islands
Thirsty Thursday! $2 U-Call-Its: 9pm - Close
AUC2D! (All-U-Care-2-Drink) (college or military ID for AUC2D) $6 AUC2D Domestic Taps, $10 AUC2D Domestic Taps & Well Mixers, $1 O Bombs, $3 Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers, $15 "Group Sex" Fishbowls
FRIDAY 3/1
8pm - Close: $3 Mich. Golden Light Pints $3 Rails Live Music 10pm - Close
$2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close
Late Nite Happy Hour: 8-10pm: $4 Vodka Redbulls, $3 Any Pint, $3 Wells, $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $17 Shipwreck & O Face Fishbowls, 8pm - Close: $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $4 Three Olives Mixers, $5 Three Olives Vodka Long Islands (7pm Close), $3.50 Bottles of Bud Light
SATURDAY 3/2
9pm - Close: $3 Domestic Bottles 9pm - Midnight: $3 You-Call-It Shots
$2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close
Late Nite Happy Hour: 8-10pm: $4 Vodka Redbulls, $3 Any Pint, $3 Wells, $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $25 Fishbowls 8pm - Close: $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $6.50 Three Olives Vodka Long Islands, $4 Bacardi Mixers, $3.50 Bottles of Bud Light
SUNDAY 3/3
6pm – Close: $3 Bells & PBR Tall Boys
Sunday Funday! Flip for Free Drinks (Any Drink or Shot): 4pm - Close
Closed on Sundays, But Don't Miss Happy Hour Mon-Fri: Happy Hour 3-8pm Mon.-Fri, & 4-8pm Sat. 2 for 1 on "almost" anything & $1 off appetizers
MONDAY 3/4
8pm - Close: $3 Coors Mugs $5 Jameson Gingers Open Mic 10pm - Close
Flippin' Drinks! Flip for Free Drinks (Any Drink or Shot) 9pm - Close
Mason Jar Monday! $3 Bud & Bud Light, Double Wells, Double Jack and SoCo Mixers $5 Bud Light Pitchers $10 Bud Light Beer Towers
TUESDAY 3/5
8pm - Close $2.50 Mexican Beers & $3 Sauza Gold
Birthday Karaoke Night! Bring in 5 Friends 21+ & The Birthday Person Drinks for Free! (excludes shots & top shelf) $3 Tier 1 Mugs, $4 Tier 2 Mugs $3 Long Island Pints
$3 U-Call-It's
WEDNESDAY 3/6
8pm - Close: 2-for-1's $3 Pitcher of Wings 10pm - Close
Wings N Things $0.29 Wings: 4pm - 10pm $2 Rails & Tier 1 Taps: e9pm - Close
$0.15 Wings 9pm 'til They're Gone! $8 Bottomless Mugs of Miller Lite, Wells and Bacardi Oakheart $1.50 Miller High Life Tall Boys
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Friday is Ladies Night: Ladies Drink Free 10pm - Midnight PLUS $3 Captain & Jack mixers, $3 Domestic Tall Boys, $4 1800 Silver, $4 Reposado Shots
Legendary wild wednesdays: college id night FREE Cocktail Hour! 11pm - 12am Power Hour 10pm - 11pm: $2 Rails, Select Drafts and Bottles | $3 U-Call-It: 11pm Close: Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
The Bar Grid All Day, Every Day: Koozie Club Members Get $1 Off All Cans and Bottles when using their Koozie. Ask your server for details!
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday
SPECIAL NIGHT
$0.35 Boneless Buffalo Wings: 4pm - 12am (w/ beverage purchase)
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Team Trivia from 9:30- Midnight
1/2 Price Apps Ladies Drink Free 9pm-11pm
THURSDAY 2/28
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! $3 Captain and Jack Drinks, $3 Domestic Tall Boys, $4 1800 Silver and Reposado shots Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM LADIES DRINK FREE (LADIES NIGHT) 10pm to Midnight!
Welcome to the Weekend! $2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Grain Belt Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10 - Close
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
FRIDAY 3/1
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! $4 Domestic Tall Boys, $3 Sauza Tequila shots, $3 Any Flavor Bacardi Drinks Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM
$2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Premo Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11 am - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
SATURDAY 3/2
Closed
Happy Hour Pricing All Day Long! $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11am - 6:30pm and 10 pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
45 Cent Wings All Day
SUNDAY 3/3
Closed
Big Mug Monday! $3 Lite & Grain Belt, $4 Hand-Crafted, $5 Hop-Head Specialties (10pm - close) $2 Rails & $3 Calls $2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $0.35 Boneless Buffalo Wings: 4pm - 12am (w/ beverage purchase)
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day EVERYDAY, EVERYTHING 1/2 Price Burgers
MONDAY 3/4
Closed
2 for Tuesday! 10pm - Close Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm FREE Taco Bar: 4pm - 6pm 1/2 Price Appetizers: 4pm - 6pm
Happy Hour from 3 -63:0pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
$9 All the Pizza You Can Eat and Beer! 7pm-9pm
TUESDAY 3/5
Legendary wild wednesdays: college id night FREE Cocktail Hour! 11pm - 12am Power Hour 10pm - 11pm: $2 Rails, Select Drafts and Bottles | $3 U-Call-It: 11pm Close: Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 -6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10-Close
$1 Tacos 3pm-close
WED. 3/6
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! All You Care to Drink (8-Close) $6 Domestic Drafts, $10 Domestic Drafts and Rail drinks, $2 Kami-quila shots Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM
$4 House Margaritas - any flavor! $2 Rail Drinks , $3 Any Pint $4 Any BIG Draft
(excluding Chimay, Matilda & Big Eddy)
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks!
2 for Thursday! 10pm - Close 2 for 1 Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Shots: 10pm - Close
$2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm
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theblacksheeponline.com
Thanks for Playing: Black History Month! black sheep staff wrote this
Another February has come and gone and once again you’ve made it, white people! You can finally let go of the 28 days’ worth of guilt you’ve stored up and enjoy being yourselves again. Feel free to cross the street when a black guy in a hoodie is walking towards you or skip over BET. Go back to forgetting that every great moment in black history is also a horrible moment in white history. All the way from Rosa Parks (great moment for black commuters, terrible moment for white bus drivers) to Brown v. Board of Education (great moment for black students, terrible moment for white student athletes). However, let’s take a moment to look back on the things we learned this month. Mississippi ratifies the Thirteenth Amendment: Free at last boys and girls! Near the beginning of this month Mississippi finally became the last state to officially recognize the amendment that abolished slavery. It turns out they hadn’t ratified it because of a simple oversight made when they tried to officially ratify it … in 1995. It’s great to know that I could’ve legally been property before my fifth birthday. This wins Mississippi the longest grudge award within the United States. The whole nation got over Vietnam in roughly a decade. The Mississippi grudge ranks in the major leagues. We dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and firebombed Tokyo, but even the last Japanese soldier surrendered in the 70s probably saying, “Yeah, I figured it was time to move on and stop being a sore loser.” So thanks, Mississippi, for finally getting over it and admitting black people can’t be bought or sold, unless, of course, they’re prostitutes.
The LAPD proves it’s corrupt and brutal: Christopher Dorner wrote a manifesto about the LAPD using unnecessary force on people, and some other boring stuff we already knew. Our research team glued the story together based off what they read on Facebook statuses, and saw that he kind of proved his point. A manhunt was launched to find Dorner after he killed several LAPD police officers, and when the cops cornered him in a cabin they just proceeded to burn it down because fuck him, right? Who wants to go through due process when you can just set things on fire and mess with fate? Nation allows scariest black man alive to win the Super Bowl: Try to stare into Ray Lewis’ eyes for five seconds without puckering your butthole just once. Now tell us this isn’t a man who looks like he enjoys strangling his teammates for the fun of it in pre-game rituals. This is the man who led the Ravens to victory by the sheer terror he inflicts in his teammates. He was constantly vilified for having been involved in a murder, but he made America feel too much like a bitch to say it to his face. Just look at how uncomfortable the announcer was in the post-game interview when Lewis was only inches from his face, barking like a madman because he’s still hopped up on murder-hate and rabies. He proved now that all it takes for a black man to win anything is to be too intimidating to say no to. Just looking back on all that, it can be said that this Black History Month was a huge success. Join us again next February when Jesse Jackson sues a full moon for not having a dark side!
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are you smarter than? Jens from Sally's Saloon and Eatery
1) Sports: Last week, who became the first woman to win the pole for the Daytona 500? _____________________________________________________
6) Religion: In ancient Egyptian religion, Ra was considered the god of this. _____________________________________________________
2) Travel: What cruise line recently made headlines with as a ship limped back to a Texas port after an engine fire?
7) Music: What famous composer wrote his last symphony while almost entirely deaf?
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
3) Geography: By size, what is the world's smallest continent?
8) Science: The process by which a cell divides to produce two identical daughter cells is called this.
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
4) Math: What is the mathematical formula for finding the area of a circle? _____________________________________________________
9) Cartography: Name the line of longitude that rests 23 degrees south of the equator. _____________________________________________________
5) History: What decade saw the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi? _____________________________________________________
1) Danica Patrick 2) Carnival Cruises 3) Australia 4) Pi R squared 5) 1940s (1948) 6) The sun 7) Ludwig van Beethoven 8) Mitosis 9) Tropic of Capricorn 10) Amour, Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Django Unchained, Les Misérables, Life of Pi, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Zero Dark Thirty
correct answers
10) Academy Awards: Name five of the nine movies that were nominated for 2013 Best Picture. _____________________________________________________
jens' answers 1.) Danica Patrick 2.) Royal Caribbean 3.) Australia 4.) Pi r squared 5.) No idea 6.) The sun 7.) I guess... Beethoven?
8.) Mitosis 9.) I don't know 10.) Silver Linings Playbook... Lincoln... Django Unchained... The Hobbit?
jens' score: 7/10 correct
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
It’s that time again to take another classic game from your childhood and rework it into a beautiful piece of art. It’s time for Battleshots. Liam Neeson and Rihanna not included.
Sluts are easy and loved by all, except when they are screwing your significant other. These brownies won’t just bring joyous orgasms to every taste bud in your mouth, they’re also easy to make!
Battleshots
What You’ll Need: 2 pizza boxes, 34 shot glasses, and various alcohol. Number of Players: Just two. Level of Intoxication: If your opponent knows the game, prepare to pass out. How to Play: - On each pizza box, draw two 10x10 grids on the inside top and bottom. Label the horizontal side A through J and the vertical side 1 through 10. - Fill all 34 shot glasses with different liquids (get those cheap plastic ones from Walgreens). They could be vodka, beer, rum, water, milk, juice, whatever you have on hand. Obviously fill more of them with alcohol than anything else. - Sit across from your opponent and open up your box. One by one, opponents select shot glasses to use on their board until both players have 17. - Each player arranges them like the ships in Battleship (one 5-shot glass aircraft carrier, one 4-shot glass battleship, one 3-shot glass submarine, one 3-shot glass destroyer, and one 2-shot glass patrol boat). - Players take turns asking if their opponent has a ship at a spot on the grid. For example, “Do you have a ship on E3?” If the player does, they must take the shot that is on that space. If not, the asking player marks on their empty 10x10 grid that they have already guessed that space and must take a sip of a side drink. - Players alternate turns. - If a player guesses a lot correctly, he does not get another turn. The Game Ends When: One player has sunk all of the other player’s ships. This game is best played when wearing cut-off t-shirts and sweatbands. Crank up some Metallica, too.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
Slutty Brownies
What You’ll Need: 1 package of cookie mix, 1 box of brownie mix, the ingredients those mixes require, 1 package of Double Stuf Oreos, a baking pan, and any additional add-ins you want (like chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc.). Cook Time: Just under an hour. Fatty Factor: You’ll be a big ol’ grenade when you’re done with these sweets. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. - Make the cookie dough mix in a large bowl by following the directions on the back. Make them extra gooey by adding a teaspoon or two of vegetable oil. - Spread the prepared cookie mix evenly across the bottom of your pan. - Line up the Oreos in rows over the cookie dough, covering it completely. Don’t use the cracked Oreos; just eat those gems while baking. - In another large bowl make the brownie mix by following its directions. - Pour the brownie mix evenly over the Oreos. - Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, and when it’s finished let it cool. - If you have any, sprinkle your extra ingredients across the top of the brownies. - Slice ‘em up and stuff your face! Sluts are like doorknobs, everyone gets a turn! So make sure you share your brownies, fatty.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
Guess this Dress! oscar edition
Who were they? That doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter. What matters is who they wore. From Gucci to Oscar de la Renta, the glamour shone squarely on these lavish gowns. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re asking you who wore what. The dresses are pictured below, and the answers are at the bottom of the page. Fab-u-lous.
a
B
c
D
E
F
g
H
Salma Hayek Jennifer Lawrence
Olivia Munn Charlize Theron
Kerry Washington Naomi Watts
answer key
A) Halle Berry B) Kerry Washington C) Charlize Theron D) Adele E) Naomi Watts F) Salma Hayek G) Jennifer Lawrence H) Olivia Munn
celebrity bank
Adele Halle Berry
Over a billion people watched the 85th annual Academy Awards, an audience slightly larger than the reach of The Black Sheep. While Ben Affleck will be sleeping off his champagne hangover for the next month, we know the real winners of the evening were the ladies who dressed to impress.
we interview:
Big Gigantic
Dominic Lalli, saxophone extraordinaire of the acclaimed electronic jam band Big Gigantic (otherwise known simply as Big G) has been playing music his whole life, but when his project with drummer Jeremy Salkin started blowing up in the past two years, all he could really say is, "Wow." Other adjectives mentioned: crazy, overwhelming, fucking crazy, wow (again), funny, wild, and crazy (again). Be sure to check these guys out on tour all summer long, at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get started with the saxophone? With Big Gigantic? Dominc Lalli: I started playing saxophone in school, in band and all that, and then I ended up going to college and getting my master's degree in, pretty much, jazz performance, classical and jazz. I moved to New York and then Colorado, and started getting into DJs and electronic music. I started getting into producing and writing music, and just sitting in with electronic bands, I just naturally wanted to mix in the saxophone. TBS: So when you were listening to this electronic music, what made you think, "I want to put a saxophone with that?" DL: I had been playing music for so long, and the saxophone is kind of just my voice. It's just what I've always done. So I was producing music and then I wanted to start playing melodies, and then I wanted to do some solo stuff and then improvise over it all. TBS: Big Gigantic's sound is clearly a mesh of many different kinds of music. Who are some of your influences? DL: In the jazz world there's a lot of saxophone players, and I've been influenced by their sound and their song writing. You know, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock is a huge influence. I've also been influenced by a lot of hip-hop and R&B, Kanye West and Jay-Z, and I grew up listening to a lot of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. And all the way through Radiohead and more rock and electronic type of stuff. Then, of course, everyone in the electronic world; Derek from Pretty Lights, my buddy Alex from Paper Diamond, Griz, Skrillex, all of those heavyweights. I'm learning from all of those people, and I'm stirring it all up. TBS: Who would be a dream to work with? DL: Herbie Hancock, he's just an amazing piano player. In the 70s he did really funky, spaced-out music with awesome melodies and really cool solo stuff. We're really into the music he writes, in that funky, electronic vein. If you heard some of his stuff, you could definitely hear his influence. TBS: You guys play a lot of festivals. Could you put a finger on some of the craziest? DL: Electronic Forest is definitely one of my favorites, the fans are pretty wild. Ultra last year was pretty wild, too. But seriously, Electric Forest is, like, how I came up throughout this whole thing. A few years ago, when it first started in 2008, when it was called Rothbury, I was playing saxophone for the guitarist of the String Cheese Incident's side project. I was in such awe, it was one of my first times at a festival and I was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm really here." I ended up sitting in with all these different kinds of bands; it was really epic. The next year was when Big G just kind of got started, and we played Rothbury for free and I did a DJ set in the forest when it was just some boards set up and it was barely an official stage. I had never DJ'd before and I was so nervous and it was so funny. Then we ended up coming back, and last year we closed Saturday night and it was just great. TBS: How surreal was it, when four years ago you're playing on some janky stage to closing Saturday night on the main stage? DL: It's fucking crazy. It's just crazy! This last year, just every festival we played at, from Wakarusa to Bonnaroo, where we gave out thousands of these blow-up saxophones right before we went out, and just seeing all the fans, like, fist-pumping with these saxophones, it's just crazy shit. I've been playing music for so long and in so many different capacities, it's overwhelming in the best way possible. Just going out there and being like, "Wow." It's been a pretty wild ride. TBS: So how do you stay sane when you're touring and playing show after show? DL: I try to stay pretty focused, and keep in mind what's really real, you know, just what I'm working for. I just try to have fun and play music and stay in the moment and enjoy it, just kind of cruise through. TBS: Michelle Obama -- bangs or no bangs? DL: She seems a little emo with the bangs. It's cute though. TBS: Describe your perfect breakfast. DL: I love breakfast. You know, probably an omelette, cheddar cheese, definitely bacon, maybe some avocado. Some toast, coffee, and a large orange juice. TBS: Drink of choice? DL: Maker's Mark and ginger beer. Or ginger beer with tequila.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
21 and Over In Theaters Friday, March 1
Smarty-pants and straitlaced Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) turns 21 the day before a crucial med-school interview. Jeff ends up getting mad drunk with his best friends because, duh, that's just what you do when you turn 21, and a night of "just one quick beer" turns into nakedness, screaming, and all around debauchery. Oops! From the writers of The Hangover, this movie should be at least amusing, if not relatable.
How to Destroy Angels - An Omen Released Tuesday, March 5
In 2009 Trent Rezor decided that Nine Inch Nails should "disappear for a while." Well, like any good addict who thinks they've given up the Perfect Drug, he's found something else in How to Destroy Angels. Fronted by his hot Asian wife, Mariqueen Maandig, similar NIN sounds remain, only, you know, with a hot lead singer. Again, it's NIN sounds with hot Asians involved. We love it long time.
Archer Thursday, March 7 at 10 p.m. EST on FX
In the newest episode of FX's brilliantly subversive dhow, Archer heads to the Mexican border to take care of a notorious coyote. No, he doesn't want the animal exterminated like a cyborg or crocodile, he needs to take care of a bossy immigrant smuggler. But wait, why not keep a few for housekeeping duties? Maybe if there wasn't an ant problem in the office, Mallory would let them use the break area again.
the riddle
Do you know what's going on down there? Figure out our riddle and send us the answer to the question to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win something cool!
the madlib: prepping for a pop show Yes, it’s finally here! I bought my ticket months ago, it only took ___1___ shifts at ___2___and a ___3___ or two to get the money for the tickets, but its going to be so awesome. Sure, I may be a ___4___ in college, but I’m the biggest ___5___ fan ever. None of my friends wanted to go, so luckily I can meet up with some fellow fans I met on ___6___. Who cares if they’re ___7___ or getting driven by their mom, who thinks it’s creepy I’m hanging out with them? Whatever, we are total ___8___-fanatics and that’s all that matters! I’ve got my outfit all ready, too. First, ___9___ crop top with ___10___-print fringes that I handmade, totally inspired by ___11___, she’s so perfect! Let’s not forget my ___12___ skinnys with my ___13___ pumps! Oh yeah, and my ___14___ nail decals, yum! My dad said I look like a ___15___ but I told him that I don’t even love him. And what’s a concert without a little ___16___ vodka and Four Loko? I’m fittin’ to get mad hype! I’m going to try to bring some in for my new friends, but I’m having Skype session with my boyfriend from ___17___ before I go, and I might need all the liquid courage I can get to actually talk to him this time! His English isn’t the best, and he sends me ___18___ pics and dead-___19___ pics, but that’s a cultural difference, right? Plus I want him to finally hear me sing ___20___ ballads, because I think I could be the next ___21___ and make thousands of dollars. Okay, ___22___-flavored lip gloss? Check! ___23___- perfume? Check! Extra pair of ___24___, in case I meet the band? Check! Well, here goes nothing, hopefully I don’t faint from all this liquor and caffeine!
1) Big Number 2) Shitty Job 3) Sexual Favor 4) Class/Year 5) Current Boy Band 6) Social Media Site 7) ElementarySchool Age 8) Person From #5 9) Neon Color 10) Animal 11) Drunk Pop Star 12) Fabric
13) Has-Been Pop Star 14) Dessert 15) Famous Drag Queen 16) Flavor 17) Foreign Country 18) Body Part 19) Animal 20) 90s Pop Star 21) D-list Pop Star 22) Soda 23) Processed Food 24) Type of Underwear
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