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Volume 3, Issue 8 10/25/12 - 10/31/12
Why The Hell is Halloween so Fun? McKinley Johnson wrote this
Every year Halloween rolls around with its free candy, mistaken identities, and loose morals, and it’s not even accepted as a national holiday. Still, it’s a de facto national celebration, with horror movie marathons on the tube and costumes on everyone from three to thirty. Certainly this is one of society’s favorite holidays, but what makes Halloween so awesome? The Candy: Let’s not lie here, no matter how old you are, you’re always going to be excited about free candy. From little bite-sized Snickers all the way to the king size Butterfingers, nothing makes your inner fatass giggle like the promise of free chocolate. Ever since you were big enough to leave your embarrassing parents behind, you’ve been bag snatching. Candy pirates 4 lyfe. The Myths: There a good terror tale or two for every city you’ll ever visit—how do you not know about Minneapolis’ own witch’s hat? There’s also the traditional stories like the one that anyone can tell you, from Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horsemen to the Frat Guy and the Girl Who Regretted Her Decision. Themed Parties: As children these lovely nights were so delightfully innocent at first. All of the sudden you’re having adult parties, and instead of exchanging candy, you’re exchanging hits and kisses, seven minutes in heaven suddenly turns into seventy and the only costume you’ve got on is that kimono you’re sliding off. The Mischievous Attitude: Everything and anything can be fair play on a night where tricks are the norm, the classic toilet paper across the house to something as intricate as bobbing for apples, in jungle juice. Weird how both may require police intervention. The Music: Nothing gets better than the answer to the classic question, “Who ya gonna call?” But there are some great seconds. A nice Marilyn Manson mix, throw in a few songs from the greatest American film ever made - glad you asked, that’s obviously The Nightmare Before Christmas - and you’ll wonder how you never knew Funkytown was this scary of a place. The Costumes: Yes, the absolute best part of any Hallows’ Eve are the costumes, there are never any shortages of ideas for this most unholy holiday, from your
Reasons Why Women Look Forward to Winter
standard and mind-numbingly unoriginal Waldo outfit to any kind of slutty variation on the simplest themes, oh, the lovely places you and your little man will go. The Sex: This shouldn’t even have to be mentioned, yet The Black Sheep finds it necessary to mention the elephant stashed in the closet, next to the “herb assignment.” It goes by many names, the beast with two backs, twenty toes, the bat on the cat, getting randy for some candy, loopy for a rupee, something strange for a little change, the list goes on and on. We’re talk-
what’s inside The Burnout Blues
ing about is the infamous horizontal tango, the jungle fever, s-e-x. Sex. Halloween is the haven for the freaks, you can do anything and everything under your new persona. When is the last time you got to ride a tricycle involving Smurfette, the naughty schoolgirl, and a midget Wolverine. This is the day for weird and kinky, let that freak flag fly! Now we hope this helps you make it through another harrowing adventure in the darkest, dirtiest, and most depraved day of the year. Happy haunting.
Halloween Costume Guide: The Skank-O-Meter
swimsuit season is not for a realllyyyy long time.
There's no light at the end of this tunnel, just a cold, sad winter.
Where does your costume fall this year?
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contents page 4: Top 10: Ways to Guarantee You'll Stay a Virgin In College
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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thrust your pelvis! do it!
page 5: 7-Year-Old Boy Wanders on to Campus for Halloween, Nearly Seals the Deal
Table of
Little Timothy leaves campus with more condoms than candy.
page 6: from the streets Which cartoon character would you elect as president?
page 7: Halloween's Sexiest, Sluttiest Costumes... For Men Women shouldn't have all the fun this year!
page 11: bartender of the week Jason from Burrito Loco would like "Call Me Maybe" to go away already.
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! k e e W e h t f o c i P
Dear Mr. Editorial Board of the Minnesota Daily, It has come to our attention that you’ve written a few interesting words on behalf of The Black Sheep, and we want to thank you for the time and energy in providing us with your services. As busy college students, it’s not often that we find time to read your newspaper, but we’re sure many of our fellow classmates (especially the art majors) have more time to read about the latest agricultural study or administrative retiree. Yet, as you could imagine it was quite surprise when we were alerted that the big guy on campus mentioned little old us! So Mr. Board, what is the Daily doing talking about The Black Sheep? After some consideration we determined that your issue comes down to a question of journalistic integrity, and to that we say this: We’ve never claimed to be journalists, we’ve never planned to win a Pulitzer Prize, and we don’t intend to be taken seriously. We are first and foremost students, doing what we do best. We use hyberbole and exaggeration because seriously, Beth is just like, the biggest bitch we’ve ever met. We call things as we see them—fatties be fat-- and sometimes we hurt people’s feelings. At the end of the day we’re kids being kids, but you’re the ones acting childish with your callings-out and whatnot. Maybe one day you will be the Editor-In-Chief of the Penny Saver, but today you’re just a student. So if we may offer you a token of advice: next time you get home from work, put your fedora on the coat rack, pour yourself a glass of soymilk, take a moment to relax, unwind, and just be a college kid. We only have four years on this campus, so make the most of it. Don’t get hung up on being taken seriously, or wondering where you’ll end up six years from now, just take a night to get shitfaced and shit in your neighbor’s lawn. Because in the end, Mr. Board, we aren’t too different of a species. So next time you want to pass judgment on our creative expression, take it for what it is. Don’t judge us by the color of our wool, but by the content of our characters…that write for our paper. We are students, we have fun, and we are proud to be The Black Sheep. Thank you kindly, now shove it up your ass, -The Black Sheep Staff at the U of M
Sexy Anagrams
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Do you know who these hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
Rail Clef Lorn last week’s answers
Charlize Theron & Paul Newman
"Yes my pretties, drink, drink the malignant elixir! Muahahehehe!" (Want to become famous next week? Awesome.) Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
word of the week Internpreter:
Colloquial term for a career center worker trained in parsing the vague language found in internship job postings.
“The internpreter I went to told me that ‘for class credit’ is just a nice way of saying an internship is unpaid.”
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Reasons Why Women Look Forward to Winter
Katrina Nicholson wrote this
Winter in Minnesota is a terrible and destructive thing bred from the fiery loins of Satan's father. It's a harsh reality we all accept when we choose to take residence in this vast wasteland. Exaggeration aside, we have the lowest average winter temperatures in the continental United States. So basically we're all insane for subjecting ourselves to this shit. Women specifically struggle with this time of the year because we're generally all wimps in the cold. However, there are a few benefits for women in the wintertime. Whether or not others see them as benefits is up for debate. Winter gives us a chance to let ourselves go a little bit. And by a little bit we mean a lot. What better excuse to skip going to the gym than the twenty-degree temperature? No one expects us to work out when getting to the gym is like surviving a trek across Antarctica or a climb up Everest. Getting to class alone is difficult enough, does anyone really expect you to leave your apartment once you finally make it back? In order to prepare ourselves for the cold we should all gain at least fifteen to twenty pounds. So really wintertime is just begging us to be fatasses, you know? Lay on the couch and finish entire cases of Easy Mac, eat entire bags of Reese's Miniatures, and of course any Christmasthemed food is begging to be over-consumed. We can't pretend to care about our appearance when no one is going to see us anyway. For the few times that we do need to make ourselves public, we can put in the least amount of effort possible. In the winter it's acceptable to wear a sweater that is twelve sizes too large (although eventually it might fit) and boots that look like they're straight out of a Lumberjacks Weekly magazine. Dressing becomes more about function than fashion, and as Minnesotans we are very accommodating to that. This excessive coverage also means that women don't need to shave their legs as often. That's right, once a month is plenty of shaving. Leg hair is just another source of warmth in this unforgiving climate. You can't afford to lose that extra insulation and everyone should be understanding of that. To expect a woman to look her best in
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the winter is like expecting a janitor to clean up your shit right in front of you: It's not extremely unrealistic, but you just look like an ass for expecting it. So while we're already gaining weight and letting ourselves go, we're also rapidly losing pigment. The small amount of summer color that persisted throughout the fall has almost entirely vanished, leaving us with that creepy translucent look. Yeah, the whole vampire movement has taken flight but you still look like a creepy wastoid when your entire body is the same shade as your bare ass. So how is this something to look forward to? Because everyone has to suffer through it, and those who choose to go tanning or use spray tans look like complete idiots. There's always that one girl who looks like she's just gotten back from vacation in the Bahamas. And yeah for a second everyone is jealous of her, but will we be jealous of her 30 years from now when she's as wrinkly as the crusty raisins at the bottom of the box? No. We'll be laughing at the fact that she thought it was a good idea to subject herself to 12 minutes of intense UV radiation on a daily basis. As for spray tans? Newsflash! They NEVER look real. At all. So come on, let's all band together and face the pale as a sickly looking army. While wintertime may look beautiful with all the snowflakes and shit, it's actually a freezing hell on earth. Though all Minnesotans pretend to love it because we're "supposed to," everyone actually wants to murder Frosty and all of his subordinates. The only hope that women can cling to during this time of desolation is the awareness of our decreased expectations to look presentable. Come on ladies, let's all go out and gain fifty pounds! Swimsuit season is far in the distance, and until then we can hide under our grandpa's old cable knit sweaters and the jeans we save only for those special occasions where we gain a lot of weight. Embrace the ugly that is the Minnesotan winter. Because if the weather isn't going to be cute, then why should we?
Ways to Guarantee You'll Stay a Virgin in College
10.) Wear a Hawaiian shirt: If you really want everyone at a party to think you're creepy and annoying, wear a Hawaiian shirt. It just screams “I'm trying to be funny but I actually don't have any friends.” People will do anything they can just to avoid you if they spot any pattern resembling an obnoxious-patterned button-up. 9.) Ask questions in lecture: There is no one more hated than the kid in lecture who constantly raises their hand. It's not that smarts are unattractive, but you sound like an ass when you constantly pose questions as if you know more than the professor. 8.) Talk excessively about your trips to the gym: No one wants to hear about how much you go to the gym. Seriously, no one cares. All that matters is the end result. Either you're hot or you're not. At the end of the day, telling people “I just had the most AMAZING workout!” will not convince them that you are attractive. It will also not convince them that you actually worked out. I'd like to see you TRY to bench 185. 7.) Hit on five different people consecutively at a party: Nothing is more unattractive than watching a guy walk up to one girl, get denied then go on to the next one. Especially when he's gotten denied by five women in a row and you're next in line. If you're going to hit on someone, commit to it. Because once people realize that you're getting rejected, they are not about to be the one who finally says yes. 6.) Thrust your pelvis: If you go to a party where there is dancing, and you grab a girl's waist and start thrusting your pelvis back and forth... Yeah you won’t get laid. Nothing is worse than feeling the awkward happy bump of a guys erect weenie on your ass. 5.) Talk about video games, a lot: Very few people are turned on by the image of you sitting at your computer for hours on end in some fantasy land with dragons and fairies and forests. It's okay to be a gamer, but don't use that as a focal point of conversation with a stranger. 4.) Compare yourself to a celebrity: If someone tells you that you look like a celebrity then go ahead and accept the compliment. Never outright tell people that you think you look like a celebrity. There is no good to be had from that, chances are you don't actually look like that person. 3.) Text repeatedly without response: This is such an obvious concept, but for some reason some people still do not understand. If someone does not respond to your text message, THEY DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. And just a little hint: winky faces will increase the creepy factor. 2.) Get too drunk: Nothing seals the deal like a good ol whiskey dick. But seriously, if you get drunk to the point that you're vomiting out of your ears... It just isn't happening. No one wants to be known as that kid who hooked up with the super drunk girl/guy. It makes both of you look sloppy. And that's because you are sloppy. 1.) Really try to not have sex: In all honesty, you could probably do all of these other things on the list and still get laid in college. The only surefire way to guarantee that you will stay a virgin throughout your college career is to physically put your hands over your private parts and block incoming genitalia with all of your might.
katrina nicholson wrotethis this Katrina Nicholson wrote
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7-Year-Old Boy Wanders on to Campus for Halloween, Nearly Seals the Deal Honeycombs wrote this Timothy Collins, age seven, found himself in the middle of campustown late Wednesday night after being separated from his older brother. Timothy, a resident of Minneapolis, was out trick-ortreating with his sibling when Matthew, age twelve, complained that his little brother was slowing him down saying, “The good candy will be all gone by the time we get there.” Matthew allegedly ran ahead of his brother until he was out of view. “The little snot,” as referred to by Matthew, then began to wander west towards campus until he found himself on 6th Street. Timothy began to notice the alcohol-to-candy ratio rapidly increasing after he crossed 12th Ave. He began to feel uneasy after being heckled by several passersby, while some threw half-empty beer bottles at Timothy’s feet. “I thought that dude was just some freshman looking for a party to sneak into or something,” Jeremy Singer, a junior in advertising remarked after he reportedly called Timmy a “chubby little douchenugget.” After being shoed away by several doormen and even receiving a wristband at one bar, Timothy ventured away from what he called “the scary people street” and made his way south where he attempted to resume trick-or-treating. “No one gave me much candy, but I got a fun-sized Jose Cuervo and half of a Jimmy John's Sandwich. I don’t know what either of those things are.” Timothy encountered several other drunken individuals as he made his way from apartment to apartment. “I saw a Pikachu, a witch, and a Teletubby who showed me her boobies. They all smelled like my Uncle Tony after Thanksgiving.” As Timothy continued along his way he was accosted by several men on the rooftop of a fraternity house. John Walker, senior in chemistry remarked, “Yeah we saw this tiny skeleton walking down University Ave., and we all thought, ‘holy crap, is that a dwarf?’ Right then we knew we needed that little bastard at our party.” Timothy, was invited into the party but was stopped at the door by one of the brothers. “Yeah, the guy at the front said that they’re a top house, and if I tell people I’m a brother I can get any job I want and any girl I want. There’s nothing I can’t have. Mommy said those guys are what she calls ‘tools’,” Timothy explained about the encounter. Inside the party Timothy searched
for candy but unfortunately for him his efforts were in vain. “They didn’t have any candy, but I did find a lot of plastic tubes that smelled like skunks and a whole box of little balloons called Magnums.” Timothy wandered about the dance floor where, according to eyewitnesses, several fraternity brothers lifted him up to crowd surf. Due to his reported “coolness” he was invited upstairs for a VIP party in one of the brother’s rooms. In this room was where Timothy ran into Jennifer Rawlings, freshman in communication and reported mattress queen of the fraternity house. “I remember this cute guy walking in dressed up as a skeleton, and I figured that since none of the other brothers will touch me anymore I’d try my chances with him,” Jennifer commented. According to reports she took Timothy to an empty room and attempted to flirt with him but was unsuccessful when Timothy remarked that she was icky and had cooties. Upon exiting the room moments later several fraternity brothers cheered for Timothy because, reportedly, “someone had finally blue-balled that bitch.” Timothy was then handed a formal bid by the president of and was invited to play some ultimate Frisbee at noon the next day. It was shortly after this incident that police arrived on the scene and busted the party. The police discovered Timothy there and thought it was just an innocent misunderstanding but were forced to place the child under arrest for having several grams of marijuana in his trick-or-treating bag.
The Burnout Blues Nik Strand wrote this Burnout: adj. The direct result of taking college classes at the University of Minnesota for more than 6 weeks. Often accompanied by depression, anxiety, and an “I don’t give a shit” mentality.
might just realize that they have high expectations of you. You’re their child and you want to be the best you can be for them, they're paying you to drink here, after all.
It’s that feeling that washes over us every semester. It’s the thing that makes us not want to get out of bed. It’s the reason why our grades suck and why we just don’t seem to really care. It’s burnout. A term synonymous with drug addicts and college students. Schoolwork is draining, we’re tired, and trying not to flunk out before winter break takes more effort than we really care to put in.
You could walk around North Minneapolis, and if that doesn’t make you realize that an education will help you avoid places like this, you’re probably already a convicted felon. And if you can’t rekindle that motivation to actually attend class, oh well. We’ve got less than two months left, you can bullshit your way through, it’s the one thing you’re good at, after all.
We can try to combat the seasonal laziness, but it’s easier not to. We can try to set our alarm clocks for 6:00a.m., make a to-do list with everything we need to get done, and set our coffee makers to have a cup ready for us in the morning, but nothing helps this depression. Even if we were to muster the energy to shower, wear something other than sweatpants and a R.E.M. t-shirt (It’s super-comfortable, and not ironic at all), we would find ourselves sitting in an underpopulated lecture hall playing a Mario Kart 64 emulator instead of taking notes, or even paying attention.
The best thing we can do is to embrace the burnout. Spending all our energy to try to achieve the impossible is illogical, we could be using that energy to watch YouTube videos, sleep, or practice sitting on a couch because that’s where our life is going. But hey, it’s a good life. Sure, our books and folders will be staring at us, asking us why we haven’t read chapters 14-29, answered the discussion questions, or really why we haven’t done anything even semi-productive. We don’t need that stress right now, we’re in a delicate state. Shove those books in the closet and take a nap, it’s hard work doing things, you deserve it.
There are, unfortunately, some things we can do that give us a little motivation to get back into the swing of school. Give Ma and Pa a call, they’ll love it and you
Burnout usually begins to fade right around December. The shock of possibly failing out of school gives us just enough energy to get through our exams so we don't
have to file an appeal with the university so that you can return, I mean, that’s what I think would happen, not that I would know. Burnout happens to everyone, or at least the interesting people. If you can avoid it, you’re an overachieving jerk who’s making everyone else feel bad, so stop it. If you’re like most and more susceptible to feelings of drowsiness, laziness, and overall boredom, It’s really no use fighting it; it’s a disease and sick people need rest. Take a nap, go to class to change things up a little bit, do something other than read for 14 hours a day. Don’t forget, burnout happens every semester.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Which cartoon character would you elect to be president? “I’d pick Stewie Griffin because he’s super smart and he can do whatever he wants.” - James R., Senior
“SpongeBob because he’s funny and a hardworker.” - Kim S., Sophomore
“I choose Jerry the Mouse from Tom & Jerry because he’s clever and he knows how to avoid issues.” - Brock V., Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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Halloween’s Sexiest, Sluttiest Costumes… for Men tex mex wrote this There’s always that one sourpuss who complains about how revealing women’s costumes are come Halloween, but let’s be serious here: No level of white knighted-ness is going to stop girls from partaking in such a rousing night of mini-skirts, bunny ears, or nothing at all. But with so many scantily clad sailors, soldiers and nurses, Halloween is growing a little stale on the female front. Here are some costume ideas for men so they can spice things up with that one night where guys can just be slutty for a change: Male French Maid: Lace up a dude with heels, stockings, a blouse, and a little hat, and you’ve got yourself a bona fide French manservant who isn’t afraid to “get into those tight corners.” A guy can even add in a feather duster to accentuate his manly arms whilst getting some cleaning done around the apartment. No matter what accessories you tack on, you still won’t have to shave your legs.
unannounced and at the worst possible time. You could even do something goofy like bringing a Sharpie along to have people “sign for their package” on your skin, which could either be phenomenally hysterical or abysmally traumatizing the next morning. Think Momento with less important reminders and more poorlydrawn penises. Cupid: If girls can pass off concealing 10% of their skin as a costume, then a guy donning nothing more than a diaper/cheetahprint Speedo and a quiver full of phallic arrows should be acceptable. As the God of Love, you may not have the same appeal as a buff Tarzan or the Old Spice guy, but you instead have the responsibility of being one hell of a wingman. Even on Halloween, the line between “hilariously adorable” and “public indecency” is regrettably unclear.
David Bowie: It’s not cross-dressing, but it’s pretty damn close. If you have the time (and the funds) to turn yourself into the glitterdazzled, fire red-haired wonder that was 70s Bowie, then there’s no way you wouldn’t be able to get Ziggy with it. With enough androgyny to confuse Boy George, you’ll attract the eyes of both sexes no matter where you go with that skin-tight, god-knowswhat-material suit and those sunken cheekbones that scream, “I’m not afraid to be ‘Under Pressure’!” Also, the Bowie Bulge, if any lesser man can manage it, is always a plus.
Genghis Khan: Was he the best looking ancient warlord? Probably not. But the power dynamic of being a fearsome, tyrannical conqueror of many a nation offers a hefty bit of attraction, but for a guy’s sexual sphere to peak at around 2,000 to 3,000 women, there’s got to be an overlooked tender side to him. It’s either that, or Genghis Khan was just a complete and totally shameless manwhore. The armored costume might not be the most revealing of the night, but using “I’m the sluttiest emperor the Mongolian empire has ever seen” as a pickup line will definitely cause some swooning.
UPS Man: Just to get it out of the way, yes, the endless barrage of your friends drunkenly sputtering, “Do you have a package for me?” and commenting on the thigh high short-shorts is going to grow tiresome, but being a UPS delivery man has way more benefits than simply dropping off the goods. For one, it opens up windows of opportunity such as showing up to parties completely
Slutty Abraham Lincoln: He’s America’s favorite sixteenth president and an absolute heartthrob. He may have not had the charisma of Bill Clinton or the spirited charm of JFK, but Abe Lincoln’s “Work hard, play hard” attitude (which was his campaign slogan) stands as the staple for this costumes rugged manliness and political promiscuity. Just toss on a top hat, a fake beard, prosthetic
mole, and a pair of button pants with cufflinks, and you’ll be ready to emancipate this proclamation. If things become too risqué, just toss on a hoodie to become Casual Abraham Lincoln, one more focused on just chilling and having a lax time, man. Gentlemen, don’t be afraid to show a little skin this Halloween season. You’ve been hitting the gym hard enough; it’s time to show off what you’ve got. Unless you’ve already gained more than your freshman fifteen this early on in the year. In that case, just stay out of our sight, please.
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2 for Thursday! 10pm - Close 2 for 1 Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Team Trivia from 9:30- Midnight
1/2 Price Apps Ladies Drink Free 9pm-11pm
THURSDAY 10/25
Join us for Our Opening Weekend!
Welcome to the Weekend! $2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Premo Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10 - Close
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
FRIDAY 10/26
Join us for Our Opening Weekend!
$2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Premo Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $4 Select Bombs: 10pm - Close $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11 am - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
SATURDAY 10/27
Join us for Our Opening Weekend!
Free Beer! During 1st Quarter of Noon, 3pm & 7pm Pro Football Games. $2 Kamis: 10pm - Close Happy Hour Pricing All Day Long! $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11am - 6:30pm and 10 pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
45 Cent Wings All Day
SUNDAY 10/28
Now Open!
Big Mug Monday! Free Beer During 1st Quarter of Monday Night Football $3 Lite & Premo, $4 Hand-Crafted, $5 Hop-Head Specialties $2 Rails & $3 Calls $2 & $3 Shots Game - Close
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day EVERYDAY, EVERYTHING 1/2 Price Burgers
MONDAY 10/29
Now Open!
2 for Tuesday! 10pm - Close 2 for 1 Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 -63:0pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
$9 All the Pizza You Can Eat and Beer! 7pm-9pm
TUESDAY 10/30
Happy Hour from 3 -6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10-Close
$1 Tacos 3pm-close
WEDNESDAY 10/31
Legendary wild wednedays: college id night
Now Open!
Power Hour 10pm - 12am: $2 Rails, Select Drafts & Bottles | Free Cocktail Hour: 11pm - 12am (w/ college ID) | $3 U-Call-It 11pm Close (Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails and Calls) $2 & $3 Shots: 10pm - Close
page 10
theblacksheeponline.com
Halloween Costume Guide: The Skank-O-Meter umn staff wrote this With Halloween just around the corner, there’s certainly a lot to look forward to: pumpkin carving, scary movies, and, of course, really slutty costumes! But it’s often hard to tell if a girl’s super skanky costume translates into you getting laid or them having daddy issues. After all, Halloween is the one day of the year when even the most conservative chicks least pretend that they’re up for anything, and manage to do a pretty convincing job. So, how do you tell if she’s a good girl playing bad or if she wants to treat you and lick that Blowpop? Spoiler alert: It’s all in the costume. Level Five: Slutty Monster: This is a dead giveaway for a goodie-two-shoes playing dress up. Honestly, how slutty can Frankenstein or his bride get? The answer is not very. Monsters are scary, no matter how much cleavage you show. Who thinks of zombies and sex simultaneously? Nobody, unless you’re into necrophilia. Nice try, Slutty Ghoul, you’ve been spotted as the straight-edge kid that you are. Level Four: Nurse, Firewoman, or Policewoman: Does she look sexy? More than likely. Is her outfit made entirely of pleather? Probably. But don’t be fooled, no matter how much T & A she’s showing she’s still dressed up as a gainfully employed woman of society. That inner feminist streak that some women have just can’t be hidden no matter how hard they try. She’s probably no Clean Cut Sally, but she’s smarter, and less likely to munch on dudes’ Whoppers while they lick her Bit-O-Honey than your average Hallo-whore.
Level Three: French Maid: This is the level that brings us to official slut status. Your odds of getting some with the French Maid are significantly higher than with the aforementioned Nurse. By wearing this costume, she’s totally broadcasting the right vibes, but be wary. As much of a ho as she may seem, the majority of her body is still covered. Not a great sign, but go for it anyways. Just be sure to approach with necessary caution, she may be into some weird stuff with that feather duster. Level Two: Naughty Schoolgirl: Now we’re getting somewhere. This one is classically not classy. Us ladies are smarter than we’re given credit for, and we know that the schoolgirl look will get us the extra-curriculars we’re after. We know men aren’t idiots, so the assskimming skirt and pigtails are a certified win. As soon as she whips out the plaid skirt, it’s a pretty solid sign that she’s open to letting you NutRageous all over her Mounds as she screams in Almond Joy. Level One: Bunny: Let’s be honest, this isn’t a costume. She put on underwear, ears, and a tail, and called it good. This lady DTH (down to hop) into your sack for sure. Think about it. It’s October, which means it’s cold as opposite hell outside. She had the lady balls to tug on a (probably) too-tight corset monstrosity, did her makeup, straightened her hair, and found ears and a tail to pin on. On top of all of that, the woman shaved her legs. That’s a whole lot of effort, friends. She has
braved the elements in her “costume,” and that means that she is on one mission and one mission only. For her dedication, we salute her. She’s definitely on the prowl and ready to have 3 Musketeers (or just three dudes dressed like musketeers) Skor with her in the McDonald’s bathroom. There you have it, folks, the Five Level Skank-O-Meter Guide to having a wild and weird Halloween. Good luck out there, ladies and gentlemen, and here’s to hoping you find your own Level One (or at least a decent Level Two). Or some candy corn.
page 11
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
bartender of the week Jason H. Burrito Loco Status: Married Major: Genetics
Most popular song on your iPod: “Song of Blood,” by In This Moment
Favorite drink: Jameson on the rocks.
Worst Song On The Radio: “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
Republican or Democrat: Obama
Are you a gamer: No, no time for it since I got married.
Favorite drinking spot: Burrito Loco Best idea for a Halloween costume: Joe Jenke (bouncer at Burrito Loco,) Thoughts about the zombie pub crawl: It’s awesome, but I was at a wedding for this one.
If you had a theme song, what would it be: “Determined” by Mudvayne. Packers or Vikings: Vikings, all the way. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to: Static-X Favorite superhero: Batman
the drinking game
Recipe for Disaster
hocus pocus
pumpk’n pudd’n
For anyone who ever had an ounce of a real childhood, October is all about the Thirteen Nights of Halloween on ABC Family. Between sexy high school virgins and Sarah Jessica Parker as a witch, Hocus Pocus is bound to get anyone going.
‘Tis the season for jack o’ lanterns and stealing candy out of the hands of little, helpless children (okay, we’re not that heartless. We leave them a Skittle or two). This will put your excess pumpkins to use, in case you have some leftovers after throwing your pumpkin guts at the neighbors.
What You’ll Need: Beer and Hocus Pocus. Number of Players: As many as you can get. Everyone loves it, shouldn’t be too hard. Level of Intoxication: Great game to a get an early night buzz going. How to Play: - Sit back with some brewskies and watch Hocus Pocus. Anytime something on this list appears in the film, you must drink your beer for a few seconds. - Drink when: - A spell is cast. - Sarah Jessica Parker sings. - Someone mentions a virgin. - The black flame candle is mentioned. - Binks (in cat or human form) says “Emily.” - Max gets bullied. - Bette Midler says “sisters.” - Sarah Jessica Parker flirts. - The magic book’s eye moves. - If someone forgets to drink, they must shotgun a new can of beer. The Game Ends When: Spoiler Alert: The witches turn to stone! Shotgun your last beer, and enjoy the rest of the magical night.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What You’ll Need: A pumpkin, rice, milk, brown sugar, and ground cinnamon. Cook Time: 45 minutes (but it’s well worth the wait!). Fatty Factor: You’ll get a hell of a sugar high but nothing too serious. Let’s Get Baked: - Combine 1 cup of rice, 3 cups of milk, and 1 cup of brown sugar in a saucepan. - Heat and stir until the mixture boils. - Continue to stir until rice is tender and most of the milk is absorbed. - Mix in a separate bowl 1 cup of mashed pumpkin and 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon. - Take your new mixture and put it into your heated concoction. - Stir in 1/2 cup of milk until it looks like a pudding mixture. - Let cool or chill in a refrigerator. - Once it’s set, dive on in and enjoy! If you’re trying to get real fancy wit’ it, sprinkle some cinnamon, pecans and whipped cream on top. This pudding will make you feel like you just got laid by someone who actually likes and respects you. No more pity sex, ever!
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
Hysterically Hilarious Hurried Halloween Habiliment Helper Start!
gender cat/hippie Slutty hooker/ box robot/ risque bizniz neutral ghost ryan locthe
the interview
the hush sound
The Hush Sound is a Chicago rock band that plays music and has also been known to eat food. After going on hiatus in 2009, they recently announced a reunion tour across the Midwest. To celebrate, we deigned to speak with vocalist and guitarist Bob Morris, as well as vocalist and pianist Greta Morgan. They were nice. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: What brought about The Hush Sound doing a reunion tour after being on hiatus for several years? Bob Morris: It was a perfect storm. We were happy just doing shows together once in a while, but our personal lives just all lined up. Greta and I got back in touch, we’ve grown in some cool ways and we’re all excited to play music together again, so we decided to tour. TBS: When you say, “getting back in touch,” what do you mean by that? Like, what to what degree did you guys stay in touch when you were on hiatus? Bob: Stressing about the break, or without the understanding of what we were, there wasn’t that much communication. Time heals all wounds. We realized that there wasn’t anything actually wrong, it was just issues we created ourselves. The day I quit this other band I instinctually called Greta. She’s like family, even if we were mad at each other at some point. Eventually we started hanging out and playing music, and we decided to do a tour. TBS: What’s it like preparing for a tour when you haven’t played music together regularly for several years? Greta Morgan: We take it on a show-by-show basis. We’ve played a few times a year for the past three years. Whether they were private college shows or hometown Chicago shows, we’ve been getting together, rehearsing the songs. Approaching these old songs, we can find something new in an old lyric, something that’s about our lives now. I mean, I wrote most of these songs before I graduated high school, and we put out our last album when I was 18, I think. TBS: So do you ever look back at your songs and say, “What the hell was I thinking?” Bob: Yes, I do think that sometimes. At the same time, when you say something and you’re young, it’s before you’ve seen anything in the world, so it’s this primal, reactionary thing. I think there’s something special about a band’s first album that is hard to replicate, but as you do it again you get better and better at expressing yourself. TBS: Is there anything where it’s just too embarrassing, where it’s just like, “No way we’re doing this song?” Greta: Oh yeah. Bob: Oh yeah. Greta: That’s what I was saying about finding something new about a song. There are a few songs during rehearsal where Bob would say, “There’s no emotion to your vocals,” but it’s hard to flash back to when you’re 16 so you can feel it. Bob would say, “Try it like it’s an instrument—like you’re a trombone player or it’s a flute.” Bob saying that all of a sudden shows you this old thing in a new way and you can find something new in it. TBS: What do you expect to get out of this short tour? Greta: It’s just an experiment to see how much fun we can have touring and playing together. Also, it’s really exciting to reconnect with fans that saw us in 2005 or 2006, their tastes have changed, as have ours. Beyond that, it’s wild to see these kids all grown up with their husbands or wives or kids. It’s a wild transition. Bob: And to your point about music taking on a new meaning, a friend of ours, Eric from Gold Motel (Ed. Note: Greta’s other band) just tweeted about how music you listen to when you’re 14 to 17 sticks with you. I know what he’s talking about—when I listen to some of the punk I listened to growing up, I think “Man, some of this is really awful.” TBS: Yeah, I know an embarrassing amount of KoRn songs. Speaking of touring, what’s the weirdest venue you’ve played in? Bob: We’ve played in a parking lot of Augusta, Georgia when the promoter didn’t have a PA, and a club in Long Island that had glass showers all around the club. Greta: Yeah, it was a strip club turned into a rock club. It was super-weird. When we started we’d play basements, Legion halls and VFWs. TBS: How do you engage with a crowd when you’re on stage? Greta: It’s really up to the band to start the ignition, but whether or not the audience responds in an excited, unguarded way, or if they stand back and just hang out, that determines how a show will go. Bob: And however potent the ecstasy is that we hand out before the show. TBS: Remind me to stop by your show.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
cloud atlas in theaters october 26
This trippy movie starring Tom Hanks and Halle Berry tells a tale of how your individual actions from way back in the day will effect what happens to you (and others) well into the future, even when “you” aren’t around anymore. Equal parts action, mystery, and romance, this film sees actors negotiate different roles in different points in the movie’s history. They’re the same, but different. Whoa, man, this is deep.
the walking dead sunday, october 28 at 9pm on amc
In the third episode of season three Andrea and Michonne are still struggling through the zombie apocalypse, but they do stumble upon a new community of survivors. Now an epic decision needs to be made; should they stay with them via the whole “power in numbers” philosophy, or should they stick with what they know? #zombieproblems
calvin harris - 18 months in stores october 30
18 Months is the third studio release from Scottish DJ and producer Calvin Harris, the same guy who brought you “Feel So Close,” the whimsical tune about the feelings EDM kids get when they take drugs together and go to a Calvin Harris show. His latest single “Sweet Nothing” features the lovely sounds of Florence Welch, which seems appropriate given the title of the song.
play Halloween bingo! Send in pictures that lead to BINGO and win a prize! Email us at bingo@theblacksheeponline.com
Playboy Bunny
Pirate
French Maid
Cheerleader
Nurse
Beer Wench
Firefighter
Toga
Hippie
Cat woman
School Girl
Pilot
Angel
Bumble Bee
Devil
Ladybug
Police Officer
Girl scout
Sailor
Fairy
Cave Girl
Witch
Disney Princess
Jailbird
the classtime Husband: • Rob Zombie • Pinhead • Count von Count • Mike Myers wife: • Elvira, Mistress of the Dark • Carrie White • Roseanne Barr • Samara Morgan met at: • A pet sematary •Those hills that have eyes • The house at the end of the street • Camp Crystal Lake
Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.
wedding dinner: • BRAAAAAAAAAINS!!! • Franken Berry • The blood of 1,000 babies • Liver, with fava beans and a nice chianti
Honeymoon Destination: • Sunny Transylvania • A cabin in the woods • Amityville • The Overlook Hotel favorite rom-com: • Evil Dead III: Army of Darkness • Troll 2 • Killer Klowns from Outer Space • The Killer Condom
double date couple: • The Frankensteins • Jack Skellington and Sally • Chucky and his bride • Gomez and Morticia Addams How you die: • By creepy kids • A zombie attack • Becoming possessed • Stabbing. Lots of stabbing. shared tombstone quote: • “ ‘Till death do us fart!” • “We’ll be back.” • “Eh. Have you seen a horror movie?” • “Paging Dr. Frankenstein!”
some dots on the page until a friend (or your brain) tells you to stop. Starting with M.A.S.H., go around the board crossing off whatever How to play Doodle option corresponds with your number. Go around the board until only one of each category is left. That, my friend, is your future. Enjoy it.
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