The Black Sheep
sc fre av e... en lik ge e d f th ro e fu m su ton pe yo rb lo u ck !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 13 • 4/25/13 - 5/1/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_umn
Remembering Why You Came to Minnesota Rebecca Marsnik wrote this
It’s that time of year again. You social media addicts know what I’m talking about. It’s that time when you see waves of Facebook statuses that go something like: “I wish I lived in the south,” or “Why didn’t I go to a school with winning sports teams?” and everyone’s favorite: “Why did I come to Minnesota anyway?” In times like these you often find yourself agreeing with such statuses. Maybe in a second-winter crisis of yours, you even find yourself looking at transfer applications to Florida Gulf Coast University, because not only is the climate warm, but everyone loves them right now. It’s a win-win, right? Wrong. Why? Because then you won’t be in beautiful Minnesota, silly. Looking back on things, there are actually a lot of reasons that the U is the best place to go to school. Okay, so maybe the Gophers haven’t been the easiest team to root for in just about any sport this year. Yeah, the football team lost in a really lame bowl game, the men’s basketball team lost in the round of 32 in the NCAA Tournament, which prompted the firing of Tubby Smith, and not to mention that men’s hockey lost not only in the conference tournament but also in the Frozen Four. In times like these it’s hard to remember what there is to live for in the realm of Minnesota sports. There’s not even the women’s hockey streak to be excited about because the season is over. What is there to be excited about at all? Well open your eyes, sports fan! If you're like a lot of students on this campus you probably came here partly because it’s a Big Ten school. Do you know what that means? Awesome sports that aren’t just football, hockey, and basketball! Look at this: Gopher baseball is currently first in the Big Ten and they have a super hot new field they’re playing on (to match the super hot players). Another great thing about Minnesota: your money goes to super bomb things like sick new stadiums. Remember when the football team played in the Metrodome? That sucked. Now your journey to a football game on a brisk September morning doesn’t include a bus ride. Yay new stadiums! Now you’re either mildly excited about spring sports or you’re rolling your eyes because you just don’t give a shit. Either way, you’re still pissed about the weather. If you are not ready to punch Mother Nature in the uterus you are either crazy or extremely patient. However, as much as you hate Mama Nature’s hormonal imbalance this April, you can at least be happy that there are seasons up here. If you had actually transferred to FGCU you would just be warm all the time. Then you would have no grounds to bitch about anything, and let’s be real, bitch rights make staying here kind of worth it.
An Ode to Tits
warmer weather means "cleavage, cleavage, CLEAVAGE," so let's pay metered homage.
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Besides, Minnesota has those beautiful fall seasons when the St. Paul campus is a festival of vermillion leaves. Even though winters can be harsh, they also have moments of breathtaking beauty. Where do you think St. Paul born-and-grown F. Scott Fitzgerald got his inspiration for Winter Dreams? Even if the snow right now isn’t pretty and looks more like a bunch of snowmen had the runs everywhere, you can still go to St. Anthony Main and take in the Minneapolis skyline from the other side of the river. Seriously, do it. You won’t regret it. For those of you who aren’t convinced, don’t send that transfer application yet! If you’re not here for the academics (third in the nation for chemistry, it’s hard to beat that unless you’re first or second) then you’re probably here for the vast number of awesome things to do here. Where else can you see Macklemore, four professional sports teams, and a ridiculous number of events sponsored by Red
what'’s inside
Bull all in the same year? The Minnesota State Fair is the most badass and inexpensive conglomeration of all things food, music, and agricultural innovations. Maybe you’re not as into the “awesome-things-watching” thing, which is cool too, but no matter what you are into, the absurdly nice and attractive people is a cultural staple unique to Minnesota. If you’re skeptical, you can always just look on the University of Minnesota Secret Admirer’s page, which is crawling with beautiful sweethearts. Or if you’re more of a social type, you could always try chatting up one of the many ridiculously attractive baristas at the Purple Onion. Looking back on everything, the U doesn’t seem to suck as much as you thought it did. Maybe you should just put that transfer application on hold for a semester or two while you fall in love with this place all over again.
The Smoker's Code
Are you smarter than mitch?
page 7
page 11
A Campus guide to cigarettiquette.
test yourself against this bartending fountain of random knowledge.
contents page 4: "It Could Be Worse"
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4
Yes, but it COULD be a lot better.
page 4: Top 10: Filler Words and Phrases Could you go a day without saying any of these?
page 5: Behind the Music: Festivals
pumped for summer music festivals? Take an insider's look to Cheese's hipster orgy misadventures.
page 6: From the Streets
Table of
what is the origin of april snow?
page 10: Why Stripping should be illegal in Minnesota
Nobody's got time for the naked nipples of Minnesotans.
pages 12-13: Our guide to Summer 2013 Fashion Two straight guys with no fashion sense hate on skinny bitches.
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ONE 3-bed unit left! 5 tenants, $480/month
ONE 5-bed unit left!
$500 SIGNING BONUS!
page three ! k e e W e h t f o c i P word of the week Boysterous:
An open proclamation of sexual joy by a female who just got laid. “Lana boysterously screamed ‘Yeah, just got banged, bitches!’ from the rooftops moments after Rodrigo exited her apartment.”
Meet The Staff campus manager Luis Guitart
marketing manager Nishad Trivedi
Editorial Manager Liandra Sy
campus director Brendan Bonham
Advertising Manager Eddie Lund, Brandt Tharp
owner Atish Doshi
Writers McKinley Johnson, Katrina Nicholson Alexandra Adams, Becca Marsnik Tim Krueger, Liandra Sy Gabby Vanden Avond
Founders Luis Guitart, Hannah Comer, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers,
distribution manager Eddie Lund
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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The
Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
Filler Words And Phrases
The average person says about 16,000 words a day, or so Google says. But what Google won’t tell you is how many of these words actually contribute meaning to our sentences and how many are “filler” words. After taking a quick lap around campus we’ve discovered that it’s approximately one shit-ton. Here is our list of top ten filler words and phrases that people say just about every other sentence. The Black Sheep challenges you to go a whole day without saying any one of the following: 10.) “Ya know?”: If you have to end your thought by asking the person if they “know” what it is you’re saying, then it’s either painfully obvious or totally obscure. Either way you’re not making it any clearer, ya know? 9.) “Really”: “Really” is the least descriptive adjective in the English language. “How bitchy was she?” “Really bitchy.” Okay now we got it. We can’t all be Poet Laureate, but words are awesome! They’re like how we can communicate really well and stuff. 8.) “Literally”: This word should be erased from everyone’s vocabulary. Anything that is not a figurative statement is a literal statement. “It’s literally like a million degrees out.” Even if we lived on the sun you still wouldn’t be right. 7.) “I guess”: “Houston are we clear for takeoff?” “Yeah, I guess.” We can’t be afraid to show a little conviction. We’re in college now. It’s time to stop guessing and start knowing.
“It Could Be Worse” McKinley Johnson wrote this As a student at the U and a resident of this great snow heap of a state, you’re familiar with the time-worn saying of many Minnesotans: “It could be worse.” Amidst this dismal weather especially, despair is all but unavoidable, but fear not! The duty of The Black Sheep has always been to counter all manners of depression. With this in mind, The Black Sheep humbly offers you this heartwarming anecdote about a good friend by the name of Joe Schmo. So put down the razor and prepare to be uplifted! Joe Schmo walks out of his house in the morning and views the oppressive cloud cover. He sighs inwardly knowing that it’s going to be another wonderful April morning full of obnoxious wind and face-tearing sleet. He continues his walk to history, only to catch some idiot quip while talking into his smartphone: “Could be worse.” At the back of his class, Joe looks out a window and thinks about the lost days of summer: sticky, humid, and too hot to get off the floor after twenty minutes of fondling his parents’ cheap whore of an air conditioner. In the back of his mind he remembers foolishly pleading with whatever winter gods might be listening to bring the cold weather back and end his suffering. As if to toy with her melting son, Joe remembers his mother commenting on the phone downstairs about how “it could be worse.” Class ends and Joe drifts with the crowd, meandering through the punishing shitstorm that has taken over the Mall. Joe wearily treks to Dinkytown, head burrowed in his coat, profanity filling its insides, to go to Espres-
so Royale for a strong cup of raspberry hot chocolate, and a momentary reprieve from the blizzard’s wrath. Inside the shop there’s a considerable line of people, each with different expressions of grief. Sorority girl texts solemnly as her frosty fingers fly across the keyboard, letting her neglected latte cool as she sends a storm of notifications for the weekend’s formal. A loud, portly gentleman yells from the top of a table, but no one seems to mind his diatribe of seasonal frustration. Like in “ye olde times,” he was professing announcements of wintry doom as the self-appointed town crier. It was as if looking out the crystal-clear shop window wasn’t enough for “Second Winter Crisis” awareness. From behind the counter, the gorgeous but overworked barista asks Joe for his order. He requests a large, and soon turns to treasuring the warmth now radiating through him. The cozy atmosphere, the idle conversations, and the intoxicating perfume of freshly steamed lattes wafts through the air. Making for the door, Joe does not see the slender redhead also reaching for the exit. The two collide, and Joe’s drink chaotically paints the walls as it flies away from his hands. Shaking his head, he abandons his cup and goes to help the girl to her feet. It’s at that moment he sees her eyes, a vibrant green reminiscent of the springtime Joe so longed for. He offers to buy her a coffee in apology, which after a moment, she accepts. Together they sit and sip their drinks. She then says, “Sorry for getting in the way.” Joe shrugs, “It could’ve been worse.”
6.) “Or whatever”: Yeah we know it’s cool to not give a shit, but saying “whatever” at the end of every sentence makes everyone else give less of a shit. It’s the ultimate badge of apathy and kills the whole point of making conversation. But, whatever… ya know? 5.) “I mean”: If you’re talking then people can only assume that you mean to say something. People shouldn’t have to try to understand what you’re saying. If you mean what you say, you shouldn’t have to say what you mean. 4.) “Idonknow” (phonetic: I-dunno): There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something, but you should never follow up an “Idonknow” with an explanation. “Why are you tired? Idonknow, I guess I stayed up too late,” Okay, so you do know. 3.) “So...”: Sorry, we couldn’t tell if you were finished. Using a coordinating conjunction at the end of the sentence without a follow-up clause is like writing a perpetual cliffhanger, and cliffhangers may be all right, but we’re all here for the climax anyway. 2.) “Um/Uh”: “Um” and “Uh” have become a means of kick starting our sentences. Even when asked the simplest questions we can’t help but let out an “Um.” “What did you say your name was?” “Um... Shit!” 1.) “Like”: The granddaddy of them all. “He was like... And then I was like...” When did “like” become a substitute for “said?” Instead of saying how everything is like something else, simply say what it actually is. Why do we even use it so much? When you listen to your parents talk, they’ll rarely use the word, and definitely not to the extent to which we use it. It’s the most normal way to talk these days, and it feels so natural to use it. If you can talk for five minute without saying the word “like” once, you are the prodigal leader, like, the one mankind has been waiting for.
Tim Krueger wrote this
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Behind the Music: Festivals Alexandra Adams wrote this It’s no secret that music festivals such as Lollapalooza, Coachella, and Bonnaroo have always been popular. But in today’s wacky world (by “wacky,” we mean stoned as a blasphemer in ancient Jerusalem) the longstanding tradition of burnouts flocking to an acoustic guitar has evolved into something more.
to the front desk. Be cool. Hello there, I have a reservation for two under Cheese.” Hotel Employee: “Excuse me sir, is that a first or last name?” Cheese: “Neither, my good man. May I please have seven room keys?” ” Hotel Employee: “You said there were two of you.” Cheese: “That is correct.”
It’s difficult to put a finger on what really goes down at these things, besides copious amounts of alcohol. Luckily, after last year’s 2012 Lollapalooza, one of our correspondents at The Black Sheep managed to stumble upon a video diary in front of the Dinkytown McDonalds. Based on the footage, the UMN student who took the poor quality video can only be identified as “Cheese.” What follows is the transcribed audio of Cheese’s escapades. Sure, a few cuts were made (mostly boring shots of Cheese staring vacantly at the camera and a number of bumbling sex scenes) but the end result still amounts to a comprehensive look into the music festival experience. Enjoy.
Friday, August 3, 10 a.m., Room 209. Cheese: “WOOOOO! The whole crew is hanging out, getting pumped, and shotgunning PBRs. Over there, that’s Marty, Play-dough, Ginneva, Tail, Leaf, and Martha. We’re so friggin excited!! I’m going to record everything that happens at Lolla today.”
Friday, August 3, 2 a.m., A Large Minivan. Cheese: “Heyyyy guys. It’s Cheese. I have to talk quiet ‘cuz everybody’s trying to sleep or some shit. Haha. I tried to sleep earlier but then I realized that I was too effin stoked and had a wicked case of the munchies. Did you guys know that Pop-Tarts are still kind of good with mold on them? THEY ARE. After that Pop-Tart though, I remember another reason why sleep isn’t the raddest idea; I’m DRIVING right now, MoFos. Aw fudge, that dude in the cop car over there looks pissed.”
Saturday, August 4, 1:30 a.m., Stranger’s Hotel Room. Cheese: “Hey there guys. It would appear that I forgot to take the lens cap off for 100% of Friday’s performances. Believe me though, it was DOPE. This lady here is named Charla.” Girl: “Charlotte!” Cheese: “Right, right, Chocolate… Bye, camera!” Saturday, August 4, 5 a.m., Grant Park. Cheese: “So far we’ve seen tUnE-yArDs, Neon Indian, Tame Impala, and Trampled by Turtles. So yeah, pretty big names. Next we’re going to see this dude named “Macklemore.” Never heard of him before, but he sounds weird.”
late to the performances. I can’t be confident what time it is because my cellphone, wallet, and underwear are all missing. Good thing I slept on top of this thing! That’s $70 right there. Okay, I’m going to try to run to Grant Park now. C’mon skinny jeans, let’s do this!”
Saturday, August 4, 6 a.m., Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Stage. Cheese: “So far, I see a white dude rapping. Is that it?”
Sunday, August 5, 10 p.m., Grant Park. Cheese: “Man. Today’s performances were so sick. I can’t wait for tomorrow. Wait, Lolla’s the three-day one, right? Dammit. Well, I’m gonna go enjoy the last couple sets now. Check you all on the flipside!”
Friday August 3, 2:01 a.m. Minivan. Cop: “License and registration.” Cheese: “Is a Jimmy John’s preferred customer card a license?” Cop: “Step out of the minivan, son.”
Saturday, August 4, 11 p.m., Of Monsters and Men Stage. Cheese: “And though the fruits may hairy this, shit will carry our bodies safe to floor. Those are the right words, right?”
Friday, August 3, 2:03 a.m., Minivan. Cheese: “The blue dude’s writing me a ticket right now. How am I supposed to afford that shit after blowing all my student loans on Lolla?” Friday, August 3, 8 a.m., Hotel Lobby. Cheese: “Okay, I’m going up
Sunday, August 5, 2 a.m., Bong Circle. Cheese: “I think rainbows are God’s way of saying ‘you guys are right, Jesus was gay.’” Sunday, August 5, 3 a.m., Art Museum Steps. Cheese: “I think I’m
an ode to tits umn staff wrote this
Monday, August 6, 3 p.m., Minneapolis. Cheese: “We’re finally back in Minnesota, don’t cha know? Can’t even help it; the ‘don’t cha knows’ just flow out of me. Anyway. I’m pretty sure this was a majorly successful trip. We danced, we drank, we saw SO MANY bands, like Of Mice and Men, and… Anyway, I’ll def see you guys next year. Peace in the middle east. CHEESE OUT.”
As the semester begins to wind down and the weight of finals begins to press every one into a finelyground demoralized paste, many students, while desperately trying to hold onto their last flickering moments of sanity, find solace in turning inward and reflecting on what really matters. Friends. Family. Dinkytown Wine and Spirits. The power naps in Coffman between lectures. Not being mugged on your way to the Rec Center. You know, the simple and unnoticed things that make life worth living. But there is one thing above all else you probably feel most fortunate to have [seen/felt], for they are the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon mankind. They are two innocuous body parts that so perfectly embody everything good and of value in the known universe. In a word: tits. Tits are pretty fantastic. Considering how you may not live to see June with that physics exam on the horizon, all you want to do, with every fiber of your being, is zealously express your inner appreciation of boobies through the majesty of the spoken word, but you are no poet. You hardly pass for an engineering major. The Black Sheep understands your torment, and so has taken to the liberty of providing you with such a confession. Behold. Thine tits, those knockers, oh I do profess Art none more lovely than your gorgeous breasts? Like zephyrs they sigh, like angels they sing A sweet siren to which mine hands must cling Why must we bother, why must we delay? When thine clasps but wait to be done away? Embrace me, my love, and be not surprised Should thee feel something grow betwixt thine thighs Tis but a compliment; think me not rude I feel so merry while touching thy boobs Wouldst thou think me vulgar were I to say: How splendid t’would be to see jugs today. None other can rival those rolling hills Soft wondrous blessings of enticing thrill Though some may contend that ass reigns supreme A bodacious rack deserves more esteem Nothing compares to a womanly chest A female torso is simply the best Men’s fallen ghosts will speak of the treasure
How spilled blood was worth the tender pleasure Great scholars and lowlifes, they all agree Our earth is void without squeezing boobies Pity the handless, saddest of cripples Who can never again fondle a nipple I doth see your eyes turn, up in your head Know I’m in earnest, or God strike me dead Tis not the passion Romeo wielded? T’were to such words which Juliet yielded. Think me not vile, nor crass, nor inane Tis but your top shelf I wish to obtain Life’s thin and quite short, death harrows and reaps Leaves short time to caress your grand twin peaks From April snow’s chill, your bosom, it hides Mine fingers are warm, ready to oblige Come darling, my muse, rest your weary feet Allow me to sample your bouncing treats Thine tits, those knockers, oh I do profess Art none more lovely than your gorgeous breasts?
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What is the origin of the April Snow? "Mother Nature took it in the ass so she's walking a little funny." - Susan M., Senior
"The popularity of Game of Thrones has forced itself into reality." - Connor K., Senior
"Canada's butthole." - Joe R., Junior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
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The Smoker's Code:
A Campus Guide To Cigarettiquette Arthur Martin wrote this It’s another glorious Thursday afternoon, and all you can think about is how pumped up you are to get to Ford Hall and cram your mind with so much knowledge that you’ll be vomiting rhetorical ideologies and theories into the water fountain after class. Right? Learning? Yes, that’s what we all love. So, you’re walking through the mall where some dickhole in manpris is sucking down an American Spirit, and of course the smoke blows right into your face. You don’t say anything to him because, let’s be honest, you’re passive aggressive. But remember, smoking is allowed on campus and that dickhole is still technically outside. All you can really hope for is that a biker clips him. Due to a lack of respect coming from some smokers on campus, some guidelines must be employed to show non-smokers that there are ways to go about smoking on campus without seeming like a total anal bead. Furthermore, smoker-on-smoker douchebaggery will not be tolerated. To understand the motives of the smoking community on campus, you first need to understand their culture. They’re a complex people. They could be Greeks, architecture majors, foreign exchange students, or even Canadian architecture majors in a Greek house. The difference between smokers and non-smokers is that smokers tend to have a little more underlying self-loathing. You should feel at least a little bad for them. They know they’re poisoning themselves slowly. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are all depressed or suicidal. If they were, they’d kill their bodies quicker by smoking crack or watching a Tyler Perry movie.
Most smokers have codes and morals, mostly unspoken and understood within their community. Bumming out a cigarette to a fellow smoker in need is common because they’ve all been there at some point: jonesing for a cigarette after class, but stuck near Willey Hall, far from Dinkytown. Rarely will they accept payment, but if they do, it’s common courtesy to give away two cigarettes. They also don’t have time for bullshit. Frowned upon within the smoking community are certain sub-groups of smokers like the Scavengers (smokers who never buy their own cigarettes) or Smoke-and-Chatters, strangers who insist on having a conversation with you after you’ve given them a cigarette. They tend to nag and complain about that test only they failed because their professor hates them, or soliciting for their acid rock band, Youth in Asia. Since smokers are a diverse people, some are definitely assholes. If you’re an asshole smoker (not to be confused with someone who smokes assholes), take note: do not smoke in a high traffic area with narrow sidewalks like the ones outside Appleby and Fraser Hall. During rush hour, you’ll end up burning the side of some poor girl’s North Face. And always be mindful of people downwind. Remember that it’s okay to hate smoking, but know that most smokers all hate that they smoke, too. Calling them “dirty” to their faces will yield one of two results: the smoker dies inside a little OR the smoker has a high enough nicotine tolerance that
the cigarette they’re smoking hasn’t calmed them at all and they’re still in a bad mood, making them explode in your face with vulgarities that would make Eminem soil himself. It’s a loselose situation. It’s possible for smokers and non-smokers to coexist on campus without stepping on each other’s toes. Keeping the smoke out of people’s faces will only help the healing process. There is a rift between these two groups, and narrowing that gap will create a healthier (sort of) campus. Plus, maybe one day you’ll be drunk outside of Burrito Loco and decide to try a cigarette for the first time. Some insight into smoking culture before crossing to the dark side can’t hurt.
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The Bar Grid
612.378.2417 | campuspizza.com TUES: Birthday Karaoke Night! Bring in 5 Friends 21+ & The Birthday Person Drinks for Free! (excludes shots & top shelf) $3 Tier 1 Mugs, $4 Tier 2 Mugs $3 Long Island Pints
Mason Jar Monday! $3 Light Domestic Drinks and Specialty Drinks $5 Domestic Pitchers $10 Bud Light Beer Towers
Monday - Friday: 2-4-1 Domestic Bottles, All Taps, Rails, and Calls During Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm)
THURSDAY 4/25
9pm - Close $2 Coors Light $2.50 Long Islands
Thirsty Thursday! $2 U-Call-Its: 9pm - Close
COLLEGE THURSDAYS! AUC2D! (All-U-Care-2-Drink) (college or military ID for AUC2D) $6 AUC2D Domestic Taps, $10 AUC2D Domestic Taps & Well Mixers, $1 O Bombs, $3 Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers, $15 "Group Sex" Fishbowls
Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm) | $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match 3pm-6pm | 5PM: $4 burgers w/ adult beverage $5 w/o adult beverage Throwback Thursdays! Karaoke at 9pm $2 Grain Belt, Hamms, PBR, High Life, and Busch Light tall boys from 8pm-midnight
FRIDAY 4/26
8pm - Close: $3 Mich. Golden Light Pints $3 Rails Live Music 10pm - Close
$2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close
Late Nite Happy Hour: 8-10pm: $4 Vodka Redbulls, $3 Any Pint, $3 Wells, $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $17 Shipwreck & O Face Fishbowls, 8pm - Close: $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $4 Three Olives Mixers, $5 Three Olives Vodka Long Islands (7pm - Close)
Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm) | $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match 3pm-6pm Campus College Friday at 5PM: $2.50 pizza by the slice, $.75 domestic taps, $2 Shots of the week $4 Bomb shots from 2-6pm
SATURDAY 4/27
9pm - Close: $3 Domestic Bottles 9pm - Midnight: $3 You-Call-It Shots
$2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close
Late Nite Happy Hour: 8-10pm: $4 Vodka Redbulls, $3 Any Pint, $3 Wells, $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $25 Fishbowls 8pm - Close: $2 Jager, Cherry & O Bombs, $6.50 Three Olives Vodka Long Islands, $4 Bacardi Mixers
2-4-1 Domestic Bottles, All Taps, Rails, and Calls (9pm-11pm) Bloody Mary Bar from 11am-2am Summit Slider Saturday: $3 summit draughts, $2 off all sliders $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match
Sunday Funday! Flip for Free Drinks (Any Drink or Shot): 4pm - Close
Closed on Sundays, But Don't Miss Happy Hour Mon-Fri: Happy Hour 3-8pm Mon.-Fri, & 4-8pm Sat. 2 for 1 on "almost" anything & $1 off appetizers
2-4-1 Domestic Bottles, All Taps, Rails, and Calls (9pm-11pm) Bloody Mary bar from 11am-2am S.I.N. Sundays: 2-4-1's on domestic bottles, all taps, rails, and calls all day if you work in the industry! $2 shots of the week, $3 off all large pizzas, $5 Milller Light Pitcher
8pm - Close: $3 Coors Mugs $5 Jameson Gingers Open Mic 10pm - Close
Flippin' Drinks! Flip for Free Drinks (Any Drink or Shot) 9pm - Close
Mason Jar Monday! $3 Light Domestic Drinks and Specialty Drinks $5 Domestic Pitchers $10 Bud Light Beer Towers
Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm)! $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match 3pm-6pm | Bring 4 friends the week of your birthday for cocktails and you drink free taps and rails all day/night | $3 tall Coors Light Taps | 5PM: $.50 wings Late night bar bingo
TUESDAY 4/30
8pm - Close $2.50 Mexican Beers & $3 Sauza Gold
Birthday Karaoke Night! Bring in 5 Friends 21+ & The Birthday Person Drinks for Free! (excludes shots & top shelf) $3 Tier 1 Mugs, $4 Tier 2 Mugs $3 Long Island Pints
$3 U-Call-It's
Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm) | $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match 3pm-6pm Tijuana Tuesdays w/ Trivia! $2.50 mexican beers, $2 shots of Jose Cuervo, $4 shots of Patron, $3 Margaritas, $6 Patron margaritas | 5PM: $6 chicken fajita pizza
WEDNESDAY 5/1
8pm - Close: 2-for-1's $3 Pitcher of Wings 10pm - Close
Wings N Things $0.29 Wings: 4pm - 10pm $2 Rails & Tier 1 Taps: e9pm - Close
$0.15 Wings 9pm 'til They're Gone! $8 Bottomless Mugs of Miller Lite, Wells and Bacardi Oakheart $1.50 Miller High Life Tall Boys
Campus Pizza HH (3pm-6pm) and Late Night HH (9pm-11pm) | $15 craft beer buckets 5 mix and match 3pm-6pm Whiskey Wednesdays! $2.50 Jameson & Ginger, $6 Hot Chicagos, $3 Shots of whiskey
SPECIAL NIGHT
SUNDAY 4/28 MONDAY 4/29
MONDAY: 8pm - Close: $3 Coors Mugs $5 Jameson Gingers Open Mic 10pm - Close
6pm – Close: $3 Bells & PBR Tall Boys
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our MOBILE APP! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
Legendary wild wednesdays: college id night FREE Cocktail Hour! 11pm - 12am Power Hour 10pm - 11pm: $2 Rails, Select Drafts and Bottles | $3 U-Call-It: 11pm Close: Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
The Bar Grid All Day, Every Day: Koozie Club Members Get $1 Off All Cans and Bottles when using their Koozie. Ask your server for details!
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday
SPECIAL NIGHT
$0.35 Boneless Buffalo Wings: 4pm - 12am (w/ beverage purchase)
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Team Trivia from 9:30- Midnight
1/2 Price Apps Ladies Drink Free 9pm-11pm
THURSDAY 4/25
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! $3 Select Rails and Specialty Drinks $3 Domestic Tall Boys, $4 Select Tequilas Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM LADIES DRINK FREE (LADIES NIGHT) 10pm to Midnight!
Welcome to the Weekend! $2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Grain Belt Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10 - Close
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
FRIDAY 4/26
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! $3 Specialty Drinks $3 Select Tequilas $4 Domestic Tall Boys Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM
$2 Rails, Domestic Bottles, Lite & Premo Drafts $3 Calls, Specialty Bottles & Hand Crafted Drafts $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11 am - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day, Everyday DJ Starts 10 pm
SATURDAY 4/27
Closed
Happy Hour Pricing All Day Long! $4 Bloodies & $3 Screws: 11am - 2pm
Happy Hour from 11am - 6:30pm and 10 pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
45 Cent Wings All Day
SUNDAY 4/28
Closed
Big Mug Monday! $3 Lite & Grain Belt, $4 Hand-Crafted, $5 Hop-Head Specialties (10pm - close) $2 Rails & $3 Calls $2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $0.35 Boneless Buffalo Wings: 4pm - 12am (w/ beverage purchase)
Happy Hour from 3 - 6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
2-4-1's All Day EVERYDAY, EVERYTHING 1/2 Price Burgers
MONDAY 4/29
Closed
2 for Tuesday! 10pm - Close Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close $2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm FREE Taco Bar: 4pm - 6pm 1/2 Price Appetizers: 4pm - 6pm
Happy Hour from 3 -63:0pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers
$9 All the Pizza You Can Eat and Beer! 7pm-9pm
TUESDAY 4/30
Legendary wild wednesdays: college id night FREE Cocktail Hour! 11pm - 12am Power Hour 10pm - 11pm: $2 Rails, Select Drafts and Bottles | $3 U-Call-It: 11pm Close: Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Select Shots: 10pm - Close
Happy Hour from 3 -6:30pm and 10pm-1am: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Karaoke from 10-Close
$1 Tacos 3pm-close
WEDNESDAY 5/1
Catch all the games at johnny tequilas!
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks! All You Care to Drink (8-Close) $6 Domestic Drafts, $10 Domestic Drafts and Rail drinks, Late Night Happy Hour 8-11PM
$4 House Margaritas - any flavor! $2 Rail Drinks , $3 Any Pint $4 Any BIG Draft
(excluding Chimay, Matilda & Big Eddy)
Happy Hour 3-8: Half-Off Almost Everything that Pours & Specialty Drinks!
2 for Thursday! 10pm - Close 2 for 1 Tier 1 & 2 Pints, Rails & Calls $2 & $3 Shots: 10pm - Close
$2.25 Rails/Select Bottles/Drafts: 3pm - 6pm
page 10
theblacksheeponline.com
Why Stripping Should be Illegal in Minnesota Katrina Nicholson wrote this There are some things that should be forever hidden from the world, one of them being the naked nipples of Minnesotans. The Minnesotan boob should be confined to the bedroom quarters, back seat of cars, or the occasional bar bathroom stall. While Minnesotans are a beautiful breed, uniquely endowed by their creator with certain inalienable boobies, it's not right to be waving them around in front of lumberjacks with crumpled beer-stained dollar bills. Minnesotans should maintain a classy demeanor to uphold their characteristic naiveté and stellar “nice” reputation. Put your boobies away and go find yourself a wholesome job as a farmhand where you'll grow big and strong on a nice, corn-only diet. Those boobies were destined for untainted greatness and they deserve to be treated with the utmost respect. Let's take a journey into a Minnesotan strip club. The wind is blowing strong outside and snow is fluttering wildly across the parking lot, mounding onto the pre-existing piles on top of other preexisting piles. An old man stands outside, shuddering in the cold with a cigarette dangling from his drooping lips. You open the door and trail in a pile of brown slush onto the already-soaked doormat. Ahead, a woman named Fran with a big belly and saggy boobs carelessly flops around on a wobbling stage illuminated by clearance-sale Christmas lights. A few other women slide down makeshift poles created by upside down snow shovels. A techno beat pulses quietly in the background played on the iPod of the owner, Phillip. Phillip is a dirty old ex-con looking to bring in some extra cash to pay for his high-class porn addiction. The entire establishment reeks of smoke, stale Cheez-Its, and tater-tot hot-dish. Minnesota is not a state known for its glitz and glamor. It is not Vegas. Strip clubs thrive on the culture of cities that never sleep nor feel shame. Minnesotans are not suited for such a cold, bemired industry. They are only suited for cold, bemired weather. Rather than wear skimpy clothing, they find themselves buried inside homemade cable-knit sweaters featuring two kittens playing with a ball of yarn. The average Minnesotan has spent approximately zero hours in a strip club by the time they turn 40. Why? Because they're perfectly happy hunting deer, or sitting by a fire and reading a Stephen King novel for sexual pleasure.
In order to preserve Minnesota's innocence, stripping should be banned all together. Public nudity should be met with a barrage of tomatoes and offensive slurs. While today's pop music encourages women to shake “dat ass” in order to acquire gentleman suitors, Minnesotans are above that. Like their Scandinavian ancestors, Minnesotan women are rough and tough shield-maidens. They win over their mate by demonstrating their ability to wrestle an angry pig or chop down the mightiest of pine trees in the forest. Women like Fran should not have to bounce senselessly to the tune of lost hopes and dreams. They should flourish in the vast fields of snow and ... more snow. The Minnesotan boob is a rare and beautiful gem. Fathers hide their daughters from men until they've developed into beautiful young women. At which point they trade them for the strongest of pigs to be married off to the wholesome, pale, and disturbingly stinky son of the town sheriff. Minnesotans are not harlots, they are not skanks, and they are certainly not strippers. Chastity belts should not be feared, but rather embraced and enjoyed. Appreciate innocence, because when you leave the confines of sweet home Minnesota, you will be thrust into the cold, scary, and dark world where men like Phillip hide around every corner, waiting to push you onto a stage and exploit your fantastic boobies.
BEST HAPPY HOUR IN TOWN! EVERY DAY: HAPPY HOUR FROM 3 - 6:30PM AND 10PM-1AM: $3 Taps (including crafts!), Single Pour Rail Cocktails and Wine, and Specialty Appetizers Team Trivia from 9:30- Midnight
WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY Karaoke 10 - Close
EVERY THURSDAY
Team Trivia at 9:30 pm
2124 COMO AVE SE | MINNEAPOLIS, MN | SPORTYSPUB.COM
page 11
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
are you smarter than? Mitch, bartender at sally's
1) Technology: Who is the largest cell phone service provider in the United States? __________________________________________________
6) Slogans: What car company trumps themselves as the "Ultimate Driving Machines"? __________________________________________________
2) The Wild: The black mamba is the most poisonous what in the world? __________________________________________________
7) Famous Speeches: Which President of the United States issued a warning against the rise of the militaryindustrial complex in his farewell address? __________________________________________________
3) History: Bushido was a way of life practiced by these romanticized warriors of days past. __________________________________________________ 4) Comedy: Famously, where does SNL character Matt Foley live? __________________________________________________ 5) Sports: In 2012 R.A. Dickey won what prestigious award? __________________________________________________
9) Current Events: The bombs used in the recent Boston Marathon bombings were housed in what? __________________________________________________ 10) TV: What much-loved TV show sparked rumors of a comeback ten years after going off the air? __________________________________________________
1) Verizon 2) Snake 3) Samurai 4) In a van down by the river 5) Cy Young/NL Cy Young 6) BMW 7) Dwight D. Eisenhower 8) Friedrich Engels 9) Pressure cookers 10) Friends
correct answers
8) Politics: Who co-authored 1848's The Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx? __________________________________________________
the drinking game:
mitch's answers 1) AT&T 2) Snake 3) Samurai 4) In a van down by the river
5) CY Young 6) BMW 7) Truman 8) Engels 9) Pressure Cooker 10) Friends
Mitch's score: 9/10 correct
recipe for disaster:
Target Practice
Roasted meat'n'cheese
When Mother Nature gets off her rag and the weather is consistently nice, grab some booze and grab your buddies and play some Target Practice. Nothing is better than knocking the most annoying people on their asses with a dodge ball while having a few stiff drinks.
Nothing says “manly” like a dish made of purely meat and cheese. Veggies are for pussies. So if you feel like stuffing your face, here’s a great way to do it with all the glory and splendor fit for a fat Italian don, capiche?
What You’ll Need: Your favorite kind of hard booze, a water bottle, and dodge balls. Number of Players: At least two throwers and one ball bitch. Level of Intoxication: Frat star status. How To Play: - Bring a water bottle full of booze and some dodge balls to your favorite place on campus between classes. Don’t get caught though. - Designate a ball bitch so time is not wasted running after your own balls. - The goal is to hit the different targets you see passing by. Each player must drink when a target is hit. -When hitting a target, one must pretend that it was, “Like, totally accidental, dude.” - Add up your points for the targets as follows to see who wins at the end. - 10 points for any kid running to class or trying to catch a bus. - 5 points for any couple making out. - 15 points for a professor. - 5 points for a sorostitute or frat star wearing their letters. - 10 points for a dog. - 10 points for anyone handing out flyers. - 15 points for Bible thumpers. - 5 points for a scholarship athlete. The Game Ends When: One player gets to one hundred points. Loser buys the first round at happy hour.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What You’ll Need: One box of your favorite type of pasta, 1.5 cups milk, 3 tablespoons flour, a bag or two of your favorite shredded cheese, 2 tablespoons breadcrumbs, 1/4 cup olive oil, a couple packages of sausage/pepperoni/some type of yummy meat, garlic powder and red pepper flakes. Cook Time: 30 minutes. Fatty Factor: The cheesy goodness will help you forget about the extra baggage ‘round the ole’ waist. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat your oven to 500 degrees. - Fill a pot with water, toss it on the stove, and bring that baby to a boil. - In a skillet, heat up the oil, garlic, red pepper and meat. - Whisk in the flour into the skillet and slowly add in the milk until the mixture becomes thick. - By now, the water is boiling. Dump in your box of pasta and cook until al dente. - Remove the skillet from heat, mix in your bags of cheese until you have a delicious sauce. - Pour the cheesy sauce mixture and strained pasta into a large casserole dish. - Sprinkle breadcrumbs on top and put the dish in the oven for 3-4 minutes until golden brown. Now pair this with some garlic bread and go H.A.M.! That reminds us, add some ham.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
The Black Sheep's guide to
Summer 2013 Fashion As spring turns to summer The Black Sheep does its best to bring you, dear reader, our most important thoughts on the season’s top fashions. Straight from the Paris runway to the hallowed pages of this tome, it’s time to get excited about fashion all over again. All photos courtesy of GoRunway @ Glamour « Written by Brendan and Quinn
Brendan: The perfect outfit for the modern woman who wants to take part in a bukkake session, but doesn’t want the overwhelming sense of shame that comes with people knowing what she did. The sheer, ringed pants show just enough skin to keep the gaggle of men she’s servicing interested, and the top is ugly enough to keep the audience’s focus on the important part of this lovemaking session.
Brendan: If I saw a woman walking down the street wearing this, I’d assume she’s a midget vampire lumberjack with body image issues, forced to share clothing with her gargantuan older brother. I will say the leopardprint bag goes well with the rest of her outfit, because when hunting for exotic furs it’s important to do so in silver heels and clothing that, while sleeveless, looks impractically hot and wildly unwieldy.
Get graphic
Quinn: Contrary to what out-of-theloop miscreants who wish midget vampire lumberjacks exist will say, this outfit is the perfect amalgamation of the hottest trends on the market. Unnecessarily deep v-neck? Check. Plaid? Check. Sort of tank top? Check. Pants-optional? Check and mate. Not only that, but you get the throwback to the staple outfit of the eighth grade stoner: the baja. This outfit takes everything good in fashion today and mashes them together into one beautiful nightmare.
Brendan: This fashion-forward fuschia and red ensemble is opposite a grim post-apocalypse on the “future hellscapes in which I do not want to exist” pendulum. Instead of the bare remnants of humanity sporting tattered rags and hanging onto existence by mere threads, this outfit suggests peacocked bright colors with resulting spontaneous vomiting like, everywhere. Quinn: How are we this far into a fashion column and I have yet to see even the slightest impression of a boob? This isn’t fashion, this is backwards... opposite fashion. First of all, she should give the crappy, Targetbrand super hero goggles back to the poor child she stole them from. She should then give someone a bear hug, because the slightest increase in pressure will have her weird, snake-like body thrust out of this outfit like squeezing a Van Holten’s Pickle-In-A-Pouch.
Sheen queen
Quinn: This is from a scene in Zoolander 2, yes? Obviously this woman dug an old lampshade, sexy window shades, and ninja turtle wristbands out of the garbage then threw them on and said “this is something humans wear.” No, it’s not. Take a moment to seriously imagine this person walking into Starbucks. Would you think “This woman must be insanely rich and out of touch with everything,” or “It’s nice that woman overcame her agoraphobia, but it’s too bad she has to wear the decorations from her antiquated apartment?”
Brendan: This is what happens when you let your cataracted grandma make you an outfit out of old tablecloths she stole from a garage sale. And just when you thought she’d given up commenting on your fallow chest, she goes and makes the bust big enough to smuggle a couple pounds of weed through customs. Hey, granny needs her medicine.
pencils at the ready
Quinn: This outfit might actually work for your 250 pound aunt who lives in Ohio and eats four deviled eggs every morning... besides the semi-transparent crotch area. But this looks like a thirty-three-year-old man living in his parent’s basement got walked in on while having sex with his eBay-bought Russian sex doll, and had to throw the nearest tapestry over her to cover his shame.
Fierce and Flourescent
Brendan: Congratulations on playing the evil chocolate baroness intent on ravaging the Candy Cane Forest so it can be harvested for sugar deposits to feed your company’s insatiable lust for money in this summer’s surefire blockbuster, Sweet Revenge. Quinn: There’s a lot of leather going on here, which I like. And they’re employing the classic fashion equation: leather + zippers = sex appeal. Being a big fan of sleeve-zippers, sewn-on flowers, and leather sports bras, I give this outfit three thumbs up. The third thumb is my erection.
Bomber Redux Brendan: Imagine wearing this out, then having to take it off in order to have sex. “Okay, so I zip this halfway down, then pull this other thing over my head, then this undershirt has clasps in the back and – hey Mitch, if you want to get laid then you’ll help me with this – and okay, this skirt doesn’t actually have a zipper so I’ll need some scissors. These boots, I mean can I just leave them on during sex? Yes, I know you just got these sheets and these boots are pretty dirty but... okay, fine. Can we just fuck on the ground or something?” Quinn: I’ve seen this movie. It’s the porn that takes place in a futuristic hospital, where all the patients have severe swelling and the nurses know “exactly how to take care of them.” And since they live in a future world where sex is banned, the only way to relieve their swelling is by going to these white, sterile hospitals where emotionless nurses hand out tugjobs in the waiting room. Sometimes they run into a severe case and have to unzip their bleach-white scrubs to show some cleav. Yeah, it’s a good one... be right back.
Quinn: FINALLY a fashion trend that I get. This is a perfect get-up for school, work, play, a day at the beach, a day on the couch, or your first date. You’ve got the collared shirt that says “Look I’m trying here,” and the ironic sweatshirt that says “Not too fast, I can still have fun!” Untuck the collared shirt because you don’t want to seem too uptight, throw on some throwback dance recital pants from sixth grade to show your youthful indiscretion, and finally, put on two different socks, because who has time to find clean matching socks these days! This outfit says “I’ve got a lot of weed to smoke and documentaries to watch today, so I can’t be bothered with having to put in the mental labor of picking out clean clothes.” Perfect.
90s Nostalgia
Brendan: This summer it’s finally cool to dress like the lonely 40-year-old unemployed stoner who meanders down the beach offering to buy underage kids beer if they’ll just hang out with him for “like, a minute, man.” This, of course, is a huge relief to said stoner, as he can’t really afford to buy any new clothes, and with these hip trends, narcs will have a harder time “like, abusing [his] civil rights” on the beach, when they arrest him for smoking pot on public property.
White out
Brendan: Whatever a chameleon is, this outfit is the opposite of it. Loud, garish, an affront to basic taste, any person walking down the street wearing something like this deserves to be eaten by whatever large bird or snake decides to dine on this very loud attention whore.
Sexy 60s
Brendan: After a rough break-up with Zed, her boyfriend of three years, Jacqueline decided a night out with the girls was in order. Thing is, she hadn’t felt sexy since Zed noted one of her nostrils was slightly larger than the other, so she tossed on whatever baggy clothes she had laying around and a sequined dress that she was sure no man would love. As she walked to meet her friends at the ironic gay bar, “Exit Only,” she entered what she thought was the front door. Instead, she stumbled into the staging area of a fashion show and onto the catwalk to the raucous applause of all in attendance. She committed suicide later that night.
Quinn: I like that they’ve re-imagined the fireballs from Super Mario Bros. onto the pants and blouse. I also like that the pants look like they have the word “poop” scattered throughout; judging by the happy-go-lucky demeanor of this model, it looks like she would never fail to pull a “I’ve got poop on my pants!” joke. This outfit is hilarious, and perfect for your funny friend in the group who always gets too drunk and poops her pants at the bar.
Bermuda Triangle
Quinn: If you know as much about fashion as we do, you know that the more colors, patterns, and fabrics you can cram onto a single piece of clothing, the higher the fashion. Poor people who know nothing wear solid colors and single layers. Rich people who live ahead of the curve wear layers upon layers of every pattern under the sun. The more fashion trends you cover in a single outfit, the more cultured you are. On this outfit I count five different patterns, not including her underwear which is surely polka-dotted or see-through. This outfit screams culture, and you’d be a fool to not wear it everywhere all the time.
Brendan: No! Save me! I’ve been wrongly convicted of wearing white pants after Labor Day! In fashion prison they make us wear playfully large buttons and vertical stripes because even here we have to look oh-so chic lest we do time in solitary confinement, a room with purple and green walls-those colors don’t even match! THEY DON’T EVEN MATCH! Quinn: What are fashion shows supposed to do? Show what fashion will be like in 250 years in an alternate universe? “This is what the Gorgons will have all the candy-making slaves wear. It is designed by the great leader Mork’s third birthing pod, and calls back to the 18th centuron when birthing pods worked less and birthed more. The times were simpler then, and the stripes remind the candy slaves of their status in society.”
candy stripers
The Black Sheep's guide to summer 2013 fashion
page 14
theblacksheeponline.com
The seek n find
crossword: ads
Across 2) Creepy ass dude who was kind of funny, mostly creepy, for this burger joint. 5) Duke always wants to tell the owner’s secret recipe. 7) He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does... 8) Brightly colored chicks dancing around about this soda 10) Yo quiero this, especially at 2 a.m. 11) AFLAC insurance mascot. 12) This super cool dude made cig’s look super cool. 16) This cheetah is Cheetos. 20) He keeps going and going and
going for this company. 21) Cocoa and Fruity Pebbles enlisted the help of this entire cartoon. 22) Hip-hop hamsters still don’t this car company cool. 23) He’s grrreat! 24) I like chicken, I like liver... Down 1) Classiest legume in a top hat and cane. 3) Colonel Sanders is both founder and mascot. 4) This cute amphibian made this insurance company known. 5) Burping frogs were the face of this beer company for awhile. 6) Coors Light used this type of siblings. 9) Acted by Dean Winters, Allstate will save you from this. 13) Your cute black Grandma, also vaguely racist. 14) Creepy clown for a huge fast food restaurant. 15) Can you hear me now? 17) Fabulous! 18) Dude, you had this circa early 2000s. 19) The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.
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