Minnesota - Issue 6 - 10/2/2014 by The Black Sheep

Volume 7

The Black Sheep

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Issue 6

Minnesota Small Talk Season in Full Swing Cora Neisen wrote this n any given fall day in any coffee shop, restaurant, park, sidewalk, gas station, bar, and basically any public space in Minnesota, you will, without a doubt, hear more than one conversation about the weather. “Oh, what a beautiful day we’re having!”“Yeah, you gotta get out and enjoy it while ya’ can, you know?”“Oh ya, I heard this winter is going to be really cold again.”“Oh you’re kidding me…” And cue 20 minute conversation about how last winter was so horrible and how their glove froze to their car door one morning, and their son got frost bite standing out at the bus stop, and their husband couldn’t even get the snow blower working on multiple mornings. In The Purple Onion you’ll hear students talking about the beauty of being able to wear shorts to a party, in Brit’s Pub you’ll hear 20- and 30-somethings grumble about having to work on such a nice day, and around the chain of lakes you’ll hear snippets of weather-praising conversations as people run past you. So much of our lives are dictated by the weather that it’s the one thing that everyone talk about. Yes, even that 72-yearold right-wing conservative with an “It’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” bumper sticker can have a conversation with his 19-year-old lesbian barista with pink dreadlocks and a legalize marijuana t-shirt about the awesome fall weather we’ve been having. Something like a timid, “So are you enjoying this nice weather?” from the purple-lipsticked mouth. “Oh lemme tell ya! I was able to head out to the gun range and get three rounds in, the weather was so great!” “Yeah… I did

some Jivamuki yoga by Lake Harriet… but guns sound fun too… You just gotta get out there any way you can!” “Oh you got that right!” And begin awkward four and a half minute silence because the only other thing every Minnesotan has in common is an obsession with Joe Mauer’s butt.

“And usually, when two of those smiles are simultaneously engaged, a conversation about the lovely day will ensue.” But dammit, we can sure exhaust the topic of the weather. Take the Stone Arch Bridge, for example. On a nice day you’re guaranteed to see every walk of life all enjoying the fleeting warm weather and sunshine. There will always be the family with two sticky children and parents struggling to keep them from running straight into a rollerblader, you’re guaranteed to see the serious biker in full spandex giving dirty looks to anyone who even sets a foot in the bike lane, and there will most likely be 5 different photographers taking high school senior pictures, engagement pictures, or just pictures of the narcissist that needs a new profile picture. In each passing encounter, each individual will give a smile of uniform understanding here in Minnesota. It’s the wow-what-a-beautifulday-so-glad-everyone-is-out-enjoying-ithopefully-it-stays-like-this-awhile-longer smile. And usually, when two of those smiles are simultaneously engaged, a conversation about the lovely day will ensue.

PAGE 4

You know the state as a whole is pretty pathetic when the leadoff story on the nightly news is the fact that the forecast for the week is mid 70s and sunny every day. Yeah, who cares about the People’s Climate March, or ISIS, or the governor election coming up in November? The weather this week is gonna be bitchin’ and that’s worthy of the top story, dammit!

However, we take this ability to talk to anyone anywhere despite being complete strangers for granted. In places like Florida or California, people can’t praise the sunshine and warmth to a total stranger because it’s nice weather all the time. Every day. Forever. They don’t have to wear snow boots to parties. They don’t have to feel their boogers freeze to their nostrils (don’t

PAGE 5

say that hasn’t ever happened to you… we know it has). And they don’t have to cherish each and every beautiful day like tomorrow will be -20 and snowing. So, who cares if the tell-everyone-howgreat-the-weather-is attitude is annoying? Let’s frickin’ own it ‘cause a nice Minnesota day truly is something to celebrate.

PAGES 12-13

CSE LOCKED IN BATTLE WITH THE AMISH

MINNEAPOLIS GUIDE TO FREE FOOD

THE BLUZZSHEED

THE WAR IS ON!

HEY, IT’S FOOL PROOF! WE WOULDN’T LEAD YOU ASTRAY, WOULD WE?

WE TAKE A PAGE FROM THE BUZZFEED BOOK AND DO OUR OWN IMAGE-WITH-QUOTE SPECTACULAR!

OCTOBER 2nd, 2014 - OCTOBER 15th, 2014

THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

MEET the STAFF CAMPUS MANAGER Mackenzie Harding

CAMPUS DIRECTOR Brendan Bonham

EDITORIAL MANAGER Megan Felz

OWNER Atish Doshi

ADVERTISING MANAGERS Aaron Grossman

FOUNDERS Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers

WRITERS Cora Neisen Lily Noonan Aron Wolde

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DISCLAIMER: The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

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PAGE 3

A FEW MORE WAYS

BEAT OUR CAPTION!

TO KILL SOME TIME.

THE GROSS SEX EUPHEMISM OR SERIAL KILLER NICKNAME GAME!

THE NIGHT CALLER “This is what it looks like when the sex industry gets its hands on genetic engineering.” Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

WORD of the WEEK

BRILLIAIN’T A word used to describe something one initially thinks is genius, only to later discover that it isn’t. When I initially thought of this fake word I thought it was brilliant, now I know it’s just brilliain’t.

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nickname. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR! Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. To the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

Dropped out of high school at 16.

Is functionally illiterate.

Born in High Point, North Carolina.

# # #

PLAY WITH US! @BLACKSHEEP_UMN

PAGE 4 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

CAMPUS BEEF

CSE Locked in Battle with the Amish Aron Wolde wrote this The war is on! After years of taunting, threatening, and barn-raising, two of the greatest powers in the nation will go to war. The University of Minnesota’s College of Science and Engineering goes to war against the Amish. While both sides have never threatened nor accosted any other group in their lifetime, the two groups have been fighting for years. Amelia Fantage of the Minnesota Daily has been reporting for an extended period of time on the conflict; she explains the situation from her Northrop Mall bunker. “For over a century, both sides have been bickering over what is essentially a misunderstanding. That misunderstanding is the Amish creation of the fireless fireplace and the, equally important, CSE zipper. When the College of Science and Engineering created the zipper in 1893, the Amish community took it as an affront to God and their way of life. At the time an Amish clergyman by the name of Jacob Macabe was so angry, he wrote a letter to the school condemning them for their ’crime.’” Thanks to the hard work of Fantage and the second page of a Google search, we

have obtained the letter and transcribed it below. Dear Godless heathens, it has come to our attention that you and the devil have created a device to tether one piece of garment with another, without the use of a humble button. We modestly ask that you destroy any knowledge of this creation, repent, and cover up your women. Sincerely, Jacob Macabe Much like the CSE we have today, those early engineers didn’t have any women to cover up, however they did continue with the production of zippers, much to the disapproval of the Amish community. Things were tense for the two sides until the Amish retaliated with a scientific endeavor of their own. This creation was the fireless fireplace. By keeping with their simple lifestyle and inventing a revolutionary product the Amish had vindicated themselves in the eyes of god. Unfortunately, they used this new attention to strike at the heart of CSE. Several days after the invention of the fireless fireplace, the Amish sent a letter to the school via horse messenger. Several months later the school received

the following message: “Dear Godless heathens, for years our people have been mocked by your people for our lack of creation. But lo, we have created the fireless fireplace, a device that outshines anything your insipid institution has ever made. We Amish are a merciful people, we shall forgive you if you apologize now, repent, and cover up your women. Sincerely, Jacob Macabe the 53rd After getting the letter, CSE Dean Joseph Totten was outraged by the insult. “These overrated farmers build one thing and they think they’re better than CSE? If I’m not going to take it from Carlson, I most certainly will not take it from them!” Totten wouldn’t elaborate on the controversy of the zipper, just that it took away from the other phenomenal creations CSE has made over the years. “We don’t care who they are or where they come from, if you want a war with the College of Science and Engineering, then that’s what you’ll get!” CBS and CLA have decided to stay neutral in the conflict. Mainly out of

respect for both sides, but also out of confusion at the war altogether. CBS Dean Leslie Rodriguez said this when asked about the subject: “The Amish are literally a hundred years late when it comes to technology and warfare and CSE has the frailest-looking army I have ever seen.” Totten has initiated a college-wide draft of all able-bodied men and women. He so far has an army of 13 armed with graphing calculators and gluten allergies.

So far the fighting seems to be at a standstill. The Amish assaults fueled by horse-drawn carriages and friendship bread seem to have no effect on the CSE’s tanks and SUVs. However CSE has been unable to make a counterstrike without an effective Wi-Fi connection. The outcome thus far is unclear, all anyone can hope for is that regardless of the victor, both sides can at least agree to stop covering up their women.

LOCAL GRUB

THE TOP TEN

Drunk phrases You’ll Say at UMN

MINNEAPOLIS GUIDE to Free Food Scoop Chang wrote this

Hey, it’s Fool-Proof!

Here at The Black Sheep, we’re passionate about the needs of the UMN community. Undoubtedly, the most important need for college students is food. Simply put, college students need more food than the average human. A brand new study in CBS revealed that the abrupt shifts between weeklong procrastination and stressfully intense cram sessions kick up students’ metabolism. Scientifically speaking, most college students cannot afford to satiate their ever-expanding appetites. Luckily, there are tricks of the trade to score free food to satisfy both your stomach and your wallet. Owning Activity Fairs: Whenever you see that an activity fair is taking up the Coffman Plaza or Northrop Mall, fully stocked with huge tents and prize wheels, chances are restaurants like Qdoba and Mesa will make an appearance. The key is to arrive at the tail end of these events. If you catch the last half hour, the events will be wrapping up. Thus, the lines will eventually be cut off, and you won’t have to wait to win some free Dilly Bars and mini nacho bowls. Attend Your Friends’ Meetings: If you want to grab dinner with your friends but follow a strict diet budget, Big Macs don’t have to be the only option. Pay attention to what clubs and groups your roommates are in. If they come back from a weekly AMSA meeting saying, “I just had three slices of Mesa and two subs,” then maybe it’s time to start pretending to be pre-med. By ME App: This app is basically a miniGroupon for very local deals. Almost every campus restaurant is on this app including Dino’s, Erbert’s and Gerbert’s, Tea Garden, Blarney’s, Purple Onion and plenty more. With this app, you could get anything from free bubble tea to free chips and queso. You even can score free hot dog at the Deja Vu strip club!

Keep that in mind next time you’re downtown with a wad of singles and an appetite. Tables: If there is any student group or business set up at a table, there’s a high probability candy will be present. When student groups are attempting to recruit, candy is almost always used as bait to lure pedestrians in. Take a look at whoever’s underneath the Coffman escalator. It might feel awkward the fifth time you swipe candy from The Campus Atheists/Skeptics or Korean Dance team, but at least you got to Taste the Rainbow™. Cultural Events: Affordable and authentic ethnic cuisine is pretty scarce. Luckily, despite Minnesota’s dominant Americana demographic, dozens of cultural groups on campus love to showcase their specialty grub. Most events that any cultural group hosts guarantees free food, such as Small World Coffee Hour and large-scale MISA events. And in case you aren’t convinced to swipe some pho from the VSAM yet, the Feast of Nations: Around the World in 80 Trays, is just around the corner. That’s right, 80 entrees to choose from; your penniless picnic dreams are now a reality. Get ready to spoon up some spumoni, Opa!

If your primary objective is to accumulate as much free food as possible, here is vocabulary you need to avoid: fundraiser, philanthropy, and charity drive. Now, this may sound selfish, but poor college students need to fend for themselves, even though most of you are reading this article on a laptop or smartphone.

At the bottom of every bottle of beer, glass of wine, and shot of tequila is a conversation starter that you would ordinarily never have. Sometimes this starter is brave or inspired, but more often than not, it’s just really, really stupid. It’s something you would never in your right mind say, but thanks to Mister Beam, Sammy Adams, or Madame Smirnoff you’re not in your mind, you’re somewhere else. Somewhere where anything you say has zero repercussions…for the most part.

10.) “We should be roommates!”

This is so sweet. You have a couple of drinks with a stranger, laugh at least once, and immediately decided that living with her is a good idea. Background check? Naw, this Gopher can do Jell-o shots and is down for anything, even living way out in Como.

9.) “I love this song!”

The proverbial catchphrase of the drunk girl, or “gurl.” This is said whenever any song that has ever been played on the radio is played anywhere at any time after there has been wine. To make matters worse, she often doesn’t love (or know) the song she’s talking about.

8.) “Who’s driving?”

This is an entirely worthwhile question to ask when you, and everyone else around you, is drinking. You especially start to wonder if you’re going to have to make the long, intensely sketchy trek from Northeast to Stadium Village on foot. The only problem is that when you ask it, you find yourself in a smelt-it/dealt-it kind of situation. First to notice needs to trade that beer for a ginger ale, pronto.

6.) “This is the greatest day of my life!”

This isn’t the greatest day of your life. This isn’t the thirtieth best day of your life! Unless you’re drunk the day your child is born, it’s not even in the top ten.

5.) “Hey girl/boy, how you doin’?”

Liquid courage has a tendency to make you swing for the fences. It doesn’t help that whenever you’re drunk you immediately talk to someone that’s way out of your league, or that whenever you’re drunk, you can’t see that he or she just isn’t interested.

4.) “Watch me vault…”

Running at high speeds down University Avenue, this seems like a bad idea after drink two, possible after drink three, and completely doable after drink five.

3.) “Party foul”

Saying “party foul” is the latest party foul. If and when you see someone saying this, shame them by un-popping the collar of their polo shirt.

2.) “How do you know (insert name)?”

Regardless of how you know anyone, this question is a last resort at befuddled mingling. They don’t care, you don’t care, and clearly (insert name) doesn’t care how you know them. If asked, just lie and tell them that you know the admin for the UMN Confessions page.

1.) “We should get snacks!”

Always say yes to this suggestion. The greatest stories of your lifetime will be based on the premise of you trying to get food when you are drunk. Don’t skimp either, if God didn’t want you to binge eat when you’re drunk, he wouldn’t have made Walgreens stay open all night. Aron Wolde wrote this

PARTY PICS

Tweet us your #partypics, or send them to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

ON THE STREETS If you were stranded on a desert island with only what’s currently in your backpack/purse, what’s the weirdest thing you’d be stuck with?

NICK, SOPHOMORE

“A gallon bag of gummy bears.”

JOEY, SOPHOMORE “A sword.”

ERIC, SOPHOMORE

“I’d have normal school supplies like a respectable college kid.”

LIFE ADVICE PAGE 7 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

How to Stop COCK-BLOCKING YOURSELF Molly Burford wrote this

Do you constantly find yourself watching your potential lover’s back as they sprint away, rather than staring longingly into each other’s eyes? You, my friend, may be a serial self-cockblocker (or self vag-blocker; we don’t’ want to discriminate against sexualities). But fret not! Just because you were born with less game than Darko Milicic doesn’t mean you can’t develop a façade of suave! Here are a few simple steps to ease your journey. Step One: Play in Your Own League: The first step to putting a halt to the perpetual cockblock is to stop chasing people who are so clearly out of your league. You aren’t meant for most people everyone, and that’s okay! If he or she is a solid 8 and you’re a 3, then forget it. Yeah, you may have a great personality, but that doesn’t matter until you’re 50 and divorced. Stay within your league; you’ll notice your rejection rate decline by at least half. Step Two: Check Your Laugh: Laughing is the heart and soul of all solid relationships. If your laugh sucks, nobody is going to point to you and say, “Yes, that is my person.” Remember Chandler

and that one lady from Friends? Yeah, she was awful. Don’t be her. Change it if you have to. Practice for hours until you’ve achieved the perfect chortle. YOUR LAUGH IS IMPORTANT. IF YOU SOUND LIKE A DYING GOAT, FETCH WILL NOT HAPPEN! Step Three: Stop Trying To Make FetchText Happen: Yes, we live in the day and age of constant communication, but since we’re assuming you’re clingy and not very witty, let them text you. This will give the aura that you don’t care (which will automatically make you more appealing) and it won’t give you the opportunity to cockblock yourself. However, if they do actually engage you in text convo… Step Four: Consult Everyone and Anyone Before You Respond: Sure, it’ll take longer for you to respond, but this adds the mystery you’ve been lacking. This also will prevent you from sending embarrassing three-page texts after they just asked you a simple, “what’s up?” Just make sure your text-checkers aren’t fellow self-cockblockers. Step Five: Stop Oversharing on Social Media:

Anyone you g e t i nvo l ve d with is going to be crazy. This is guaranteed. H o w e v e r, i n order to hide your brand of insanity for as long as possible, stop posting every fucking emotion, thought, and update on the interwebz. If you’re lucky enough to have your potential lover as a friend on Facebook or if they happen to follow you on Twitter, be cautious about what you share. In fact, Google “witty statuses” and only post your accomplishments (or fake accomplishments; who has to know?). Step Six: Inflate their Ego: People love to talk about themselves. Bitches love compliments. Utilizing these two principles is guaranteed to up your game. Just don’t talk about you or fish for compliments; they don’t care enough yet.

Step Seven: Once You Know Your Own League, Know They’re Just As Shitty As You: We’re guessing that you’re not that attractive, funny, smart, or driven. That’s ok, not everyone can be as suave as The Black Sheep, so stop trying to be. Just embrace your ugly, humorless, unintelligent self. If you exist, someone just like you exists too, and they’re just as scared of you as you are of them! So, you’re going to scare people regardless; just make sure you scare the right person! Whether you believe it or not, you can control your romantic destiny! Together, we can fight to put an end to self cock-blocking, one loser at a time.

NOW LEASING FOR 2014 & 2015!

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The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

Happy Hour: Monday - Saturday 3-8pm: 2 for 1 on “Almost” Anything $1 OFF Appetizers LATE NIGHT Happy Hour FRI-SAT 8pm-10PM: $3 Calls, Wells and Any Tap, $4 Vodka Red Bulls

Friday After Class (F.A.C.) 2 PM - 6 PM: $1.50 Beers, $2 Rails, and $2.50 Margaritas

FRIDAY: Cabooze Presents: PHO Special Guest: Hustle Rose Doors 8:30 PM, Music 9:30 PM, Age 18+ Cover $7 R&B, Soul, Funky Horns!

TUESDAY! Taco Tuesday, Live Music! Happy Hour! 3-6pm and 10pm-midnight

Thursday 10/2

8pm-Close: All-U-Care-2-Drink with a College or Military ID $10 AUC2D Domestic Taps & Well Mixers, $1 O-Bombs, $3 UV Vodka

Karaoke Thursdays! Free Shot When You Sing Karaoke $2 You Call It Drinks and $3 U-Call-It Shots

Cabooze Presents: Better Now Than (N)ever Tour Launch w/ Carnage The Executioner, Illogic & PCP Doors 8PM, Music 9PM Age 18+ Cover: $8

Half price bottles of wine starting at 5pm Happy Hour! 3-6pm and 10pm-midnight

Friday 10/3

8pm-Close: $4 Three Olives Vodka $5 Three Olives Flavored Long Islands, $2 Mini Bombs (Jäger, Cherry & Orange)

Friday After Class (F.A.C.) 2 PM - 6 PM: $1.50 Beers, $2 Rails, and $2.50 Margaritas

Cabooze Presents: PHO Special Guest: Hustle Rose Doors 8:30 PM, Music 9:30 PM, Age 18+ Cover $7 R&B, Soul, Funky Horns!

Happy Hour 3-6pm

Saturday 10/4

8pm-Close: $4 Bacardi $2 Mini Bombs (Jäger, Cherry & Orange)

$2 Rails & Tier 1 Pints: 9pm - 11pm $3 Rails & Tier 1 Pints, $4 Tier 2 Pints: 11pm - Close

Touch Entertainment Presents: Chief Keef w/ Special Guest Doors 9PM, Music 10PM, Age 18+ Advance $25, Door $35, VIP $50 ON SALE!

$10 Bottomless Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers 10am-Noon Happy Hour! 3-6pm

Sunday 10/5

Open ONLY DURING Twins/Vikings & Special Events $3 Wells and Domestic Taps $4 Calls, Micro/Import Taps

Sunday Funday! Flip for Free Drinks (Any Drink or Shot) 4pm - Close

$10 Bottomless Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers 10am-Noon Happy Hour! 3-6pm

Monday 10/6

Mason Jar Monday (8pm-Close) $3 Bud & Bud Light Taps $3 Double UV Vodka & Rails $5 Bud & Bud Light Pitchers $10 Bud or Bud Light Towers.

Bar Prizes After Every Quarter of Monday Night Football; Enter the $5000 Grand Prize Giveaway!

$2 Sloppy Jacks All Day Happy Hour! 3-6pm and 10pm-midnight

Tuesday 10/7

8pm - Close: $3 U-Call It’s Rails, Calls and Every Beer on Tap

Taco Tuesday, Live Music! Happy Hour! 3-6pm and 10pm-midnight

Wednesday 10/8

8pm-Close: $0.25 Wings with College or Military ID, or purchase of a $8 AUCD wristband. ($.50 without) $8 AUC2D Miller Lite Tap, Wells, Bacardi Oakheart, $1.50 Miller High Life “Tall Boys”

Cabooze & Studiiyo23 Presents: Yellowman w/ Special Guest Doors 8:30 PM, Music 9:30 PM, Age 18+ Advance $10, Door $15 ON SALE! Genre: Reggae, Dancehall

$2 1/2lb. Burgers Happy Hour! 3-6pm and 10pm-midnight

Birthday Karaoke Night!

Bring in 5 Friends 21+ & The Birthday Person Drinks for Free! (excludes shots & top shelf)

$3 Tier 1 Mugs, $4 Tier 2 Mugs, $3 Long Island Pints

Wings N Things! $0.39 wings: 4 PM - 10 PM; 2-4-1 drinks: 4 PM-close; Play Team Trivia with DJ Steve to Win Bar Prizes and Free Free Drinks

The Bar Grid WED: Amateur Night: Watch your sexy coeds on stage for the first time compete for $200! Contest Starts at 11:30pm Open to All Ladies

SUNDAY! Come in for Dinner! 18+ All Day! Come experience the 90s in its full glory with 6 bars and 3 live DJs!

Late Night Fish Bowls 9-Close! $5 for 1 Person Fishbowl $15 for 4 Person Fishbowl

Happy Hour 7 Days a Week! 3:30pm-7pm $2 - $4 Appetizers, $3 Domestics & Well Drinks, $4 Speciality and Premium, $5 Top Shelf

SPECIAL NIGHT

Military ID Night: Show your military ID for free cover!

Come in for Dinner! 18+ All Rail & Domestic Beer $1 Happy Hour: 8am - 2am Drag Show: 10pm - 1am

Late Night Fish Bowls 9-Close! Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps, $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

No Cover! $3 Bud, Bud Light, Bud Light Lime & Bud Select $3 Heineken, Amstel Light & Dos Equis $3 Cruzan 9 & Svedka 7pm - Close $6 Dozen Wings 7pm - Midnight

Thursday 10/2

Free Huge Hotdog Buffet Midnight to Close

Come in for Dinner! Twin Cities Hottest Male and Female Go Go Dancers! Happy Hour: 8am - 2am, La Femme: 8pm - 1am, Dance Annex: 9pm - 2am

Late Night Fish Bowls 9-Close! Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps, $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

$3 Wells & Domestic Bottles 7pm-Close

Friday 10/3

Free Huge Hotdog Buffet Midnight to Close

Come in for Dinner! All Six Bars are Open!

Late Night Fish Bowls 9-Close! Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps, $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

Happy Hour 7 Days a Week! 3:30pm-7pm $2 - $4 Appetizers, $3 Domestics & Well Drinks, $4 Speciality and Premium, $5 Top Shelf

Saturday 10/4

Service Industry Night! Show pay-stub from your bar or club and get free cover!

Come in for Dinner! 18+ All Day! Come experience the 90s in its full glory with 6 bars and 3 live DJs!

Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

Inventory Reduction Sundays! No Cover $3 Specials 7pm - Close

Sunday 10/5

College ID Night! Free cover with any College ID - old or new!

NO COVER! 2-4-1 Drinks (rail & domestic beer) from 9pm to 1am Happy Hour: 8am - 2am, Karaoke: 10pm - 2am

Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

Industry Mondays - No Cover! Beer Pong Nightly $0.35 Wings 8pm - 11pm Extended Happy Hour on Drinks Only 7pm - Close

Monday 10/6

Ladies Night! Free cover for all ladies Men: Wear any Deja vu or Hustler apparel and get in free!

18+! $2 Tuesdays (domestic beer, well drinks) from 8am to close $2 drink specials cover after 9pm Drag Queen Bingo: 8pm - 10pm Diamond Diva Drag Show: 10pm - 2am

Trivia Tuesday w/ Tim (8-Close): $3 Domestic Taps, $4 Craft & Import Taps Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps, $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

No Cover! Karaoke: 9pm-Close, Beer Pong Nightly, $3 Wells, Bud, Bud Light, Bud Light Lime & Bud Select 7pm - Close, $5 Captains $3 Vodkas 7pm - Close

Tuesday 10/7

WED: Amateur Night: Watch your sexy coeds on stage for the first time compete for $200! Contest Starts at 11:30pm Open to All Ladies

18+ (21+ no cover, 18-20 $5 cover) $3 Domestic Beers and Rail Drinks, $3.75 Heineken, Amateur Drag Show and Trans Exotica Come in for Dinner!

Karaoke 9-Close w/ $3 Summit Taps Happy Hour (4-6): 2-For 1 Beers, Wells, Cocktails, Glasses of Wine and $4 22oz Taps, $3/$4/$5 App Specials, $6 Flatbreads

Kill the Keg! $5 Bottomless Cups 8pm - Close $3 Miller Lite, MGD, Miller 64 & Highlife, 43 Captains & $3 Vodkas 7pm - Close, $5 Pizza 7pm - Midnight

Wednesday 10/8

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ARE YOU SMARTER THAN? 0 E t of 1 R SCO.5 ou 4

1) Song Lyrics: In 2013 who sang “They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard”?

6) Popular Fiction: What famous modern author penned works, Choke, Survivor, and Invisible Monsters?

2) Word Capitals: Kabul is the capital of what country?

7) Human Anatomy: In what part of the body can the hamate bone be found?

3) Mass Transit: Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport is a major U.S. hub found in what city?

8) American Military: What is the only branch of the United States Military that doesn’t have the rank of General?

4) Math: What makes a prime number unique?

9) Game Shows: What longtime SportsCenter anchor was the first choice to replace Bob Barker on The Price is Right?

5) Cereal: What cereal’s tagline is “Crave those crazy squares”?

DANI of JIMMY JOHN’S

THE DRINKING GAME DON’T PUKE IN YOUR SHOES! Hey you stupid, drunk idiot, don’t puke in your shoes. Aren’t you sick of that mushing between your toes every time you put your shoes on in the morning? Just aim to the left a little bit! What You’ll Need: Some sort of container (garbage can, mop bucket, not a pair of shoes, etc.) Number of Players: Two (Player one is the puker, player two cleans up and has a shitty night.) Level of Intoxication: High enough to need to puke in an odd item, low enough to have the capability to choose something other than your shoe. How to Play: - Go out to a bar and get accurately drunk enough to fall within our recommended “level of intoxication.” - Stumble back home (do NOT lose your shoes). - Arrive home and take off your shoes. - At this point, it may be good strategy to hide your shoes or throw them onto a high platform (shelf, top of the fridge) that way you can’t possibly puke in them. - Focus intently on your garbage can or bucket (do NOT look away). - When you finally have to puke, aim for the garbage can or bucket (may also be a good strategy to play with a teammate who can intercept your shoes from your path of puke). The Game Ends When: You puke (a win or loss is determined by whether you feel something warm and oddly comfortable in your shoes the next morning).

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE APP FOR ALL THE GAMES!

10) Elements: The Periodic Table of Elements is arranged by what?

Dani’s Answers

Correct Answers

1) Macklemore 2) Somewhere in the Middle East 3) Atlanta 4) I don’t know 5) Krave 6) Chuck Something 7) Arm 8) Navy 9) No Idea 10) Weight

1) Macklemore 2) Afhanistan 3) Atlanta 4) It’s only divisible by 1 and itself 5) Cinnamon Toast Crunch 6) Chuck Palahniuk 7) Wrist 8) Navy 9) Dan Patrick 10) Atomic Number

RECIPE FOR DISASTER WASHED-UP MASHED POTATOES Look at that shit. Do you see the spuds winding out of its side? It’s disgusting that a potato like that is even still around. Didn’t it know its time was up weeks ago and it should’ve just gone out on top when it was at its peak? Let’s get rid of this guy once and for all – get your oven mitts! It’s time to make some washed-up mashed potatoes. What You’ll Need: A sense of grit, determination, and nerves. This potato overstayed its welcome and you are NOT happy about it. Cook Time: As fast as possible, if we wait any longer it may start to root. Fatty Factor: Don’t worry about this; it’s all going to be worth it when it’s over. Let’s Get Baked: - Grab that son of a bitch and shave those gross growths off its side. Does it even think about how it looks when it goes out in public? - Snatch a pot and fill it with boiling-hot water. Then boil it some more. This guy isn’t making it out of here alive. - It’s time to truly embarrass the potato. Shave the skin off and leave it sitting bare on the counter. It didn’t have the self-respect enough to call it quits at the right moment, now look what it’s clinging on to – a life of naked worthlessness. - BOIL IT, BOIL IT, BOIL IT. - Watch it shrivel up like the washed-up potato it is. - Now throw it out in the trash. You’re not eating this recipe today, folks. This time it was all about setting things straight.

NOMNOMNOM AT THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

The BluzzSheed Buzzfeed has made a name for itself by posting gifs and pictures that go viral, and to be honest we’re a bit put off here at The Black Sheep. What they do isn’t very hard, you’ve just got to find a random number of pictures and a sentence that any schmuck can relate to, just like a horoscope. To prove our point that we are the superior media conglomerate, we’ve tried our hand at their little game. Without further ado, we present The Black Sheep image-with-quote spectacular!

4 Pictures That Will Remind You That You’re Just a Speck and What’s The Point of Taking That Midterm And What’s the Point of Anything Really

Banana Boy wrote this Look at us just floating out there.

5 Sloths Blissfully Unaware Their Homes Are Being Destroyed to Make Paper This idiot’s smile won’t last long.

Look how tiny we are. What’s the point?

This sloth’s tree is getting burned to the ground. This guy’s best friend just got frozen.

This guy’s home was destroyed so you could hold this paper in your hand. The guy’s family tree is now mulch for your garden.

All those people look like ants. Are our lives really worth more than theirs?

According to Men in Black, aliens play marbles with our galaxy, why shouldn’t we play more?

6 Monkeys Wearing Dresses That Share 99% of our DNA So It’s Not Weird To Find Them Attractive

She’s scared of you, too.

I’ve got a thing for famous actresses.

3 Babies That You’ll Never Believe Turned Into Assholes

Get a load of that smile.

Maybe not a 10 but a 6 at least.

Check out that cleavage!

She’d totally bang her boss to get a raise.

These 6 Squirrels Wearing Hats Make You Realize How Much You Miss Your Mom

This asshole committed arson.

These two assholes stole 15 million dollars.

This little prick started World War II.

Remember going to the Fourth of July parade with her?

Remember when she used to make you sandwiches?

Remember when she’d get you ready to go out in the snow?

Remember when she told you to stay away from Shriners?

You won’t see her on your birthday.

Remember watching Peter Pan with her on VHS?

THE BACK PAGE

do you know these album covers? Do you know all 8 of these album covers? Oh, you do, do â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;ya? Well, email us at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win a prize!

THE BACK PAGE

the WALK THROUGH CAMPUS madlib ___1___ is so alive in the fall! Just walking around campus and smelling the ___2___s and leftover ___3___, seeing the freshman skanks with their ___4___’s exposed groping the ___5___-year-old locals - god, they’re so cool - hearing the roar of the ___6___ bottles rolling into the gutter… I just love it all! As I walk past the bars, I just can’t help but feel a tingle in my ___7___ at the thought of finally downing a___8___ with a ___9___ and a ___10___ beer-back. Once I turn 21, everything will change. Sure, I could get a fake ID, but with this baby face, who’d believe it? Plus it’s so much better to wait, right? That’s pretty much my philosophy on everything, at least that’s what my mom wants me to do. Seeing all the lecture halls brimming with kids in front of their computers, reading up on ___11___, watching ___12___ do the Ice Bucket Challenge and seeing the hundreds of pictures of ___13___’s baby - who just turned three! - really gets me excited to hit up my remedial math class. I love creeping, er, watching over the shoulder of that cute ___14___ as she scrolls through page after page of Tumblr; I feel like I’m really getting to know her. Who needs math anyway? I’m an ___15___ after all! Finally flopping down on my lofted bed in ___16___ after a long day of learning is the icing on the cake of a classic college day. Hitting up ___17___ with my ___18___-loving roommate is always a highlight, mostly because we get high (heh) off of his sick ___19___ and then light (heh) a doobie on the walk over there, and just go hard on some ___20___ and ___21___. Freshman 15, my butt! It’s really these simple days that make me appreciate how badass it is going to ___22___. So maybe I’ll spend another night watching ___23___ and hangin’ with my floor mates, but it’s all about the memories, man, all about the memories. 1) Your college town 2) Type of flower 3) Late-night food 4) Body part 5) 30-something age 6) Type of liquor

CLUE BANK

7) Body part 8) Strong mixed drink 9) Novelty shot 10) Average beer 11) Latest hashtag trend 12) Random old relative

13) Your (annoying) homecoming queen 14) Hair color 15) Your major 16) Freshman dorm 17) Campus cafeteria

18) 60s rock band 19) Smoking apparatus 20) Savory food 21) Type of cereal 22) Your university 23) Terrible reality show

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