Ole Miss - Issue 5 - 10/30/2014 by The Black Sheep

Volume 7

The Black Sheep

Hal Free! L low ike een Too ... t tsie hey Ro suc lls o k, a n mir ite?

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FALL HOME DECOR

ON A COLLEGE BUDGET Chaning Green wrote this

Issue 5

Everyone loves fall. Enough of that “Oh-ho look at these white girls and their scarves and delicious seasonal beverages.” No. That’s stupid. Fall is an amazing season with awesome things and weather that we all bitch about and yet somehow vastly enjoy. It’s for everyone, and everyone should be able openly celebrate it and be so freaking festive and domestic that preincarceration Martha Stewart would be totally cool with coming over to hang. Don’t use the whole “I’m in college” B.S. as an excuse. Anyone can make a house more homey during the fall on literally any budget. Read this and learn, son. First off, your house has to look like fall. If you have trees around your house that aren’t a part of any of the great North American evergreen forests, you should be good. Oxford is full of deciduous trees that turn hella colors in the fall. If you aren’t so blessed as to have one on your property, throw a pumpkin by the front door, slap an Ole Miss sticker on there and call it a day. Now let’s get to the inside of the house. Glade PlugIns are where it’s at. If you don’t have any, your house smells bad and your parents probably mentioned it on their last visit. But don’t stress. You got this. Just run to Wally World. Glade put out this dank-ass bakery edition of their PlugIns that are just ridiculous. Go get one that’s pumpkin pie flavored and one that’s red apple flavored. Put one in your bathroom and one in your living room and the two will combine to transform your house into a fall nosegasm. Just be sure to manage the output intensity of the oil. Overwhelming your guests’ olfactory nerves es no bueno. Okay so now you look and smell the part, time to back it up. Go grab a 64oz bottle of apple juice. Pour it into that big-ass pot you never know what to do with and set to medium heat. Do not boil, boil and you fail. The proper term is steam but that word is dumb. Now, while that shit is “steaming” grab half a cup of brown sugar, the same amount of regular white sugar ‘cause equality is awesome, two tablespoons of flour, a cup of water and half a teaspoon of cinnamon. Mix it up, and put it into a tiny-ass saucepan on medium high heat. It should be bubbling and you should be stirring. This is a super simple dolce de leche, which is Spanish for “I can cook so take your pants off,” syrup. Once it gets a syrupy consistency, pour it into the hot apple juice and mix up. Boom. Serve hot. It’s also totally cool to sit in the fridge overnight and be reheated later. It has a stronger flavor that way too. It also might be a little thick so add some water if it’s too sweet. Or rum. Rum is probably the better choice. Add rum. The last step to fallifying your place is to grab some fall movies. And by fall movies we mean the 1997 smash hit Annabelle’s Wish. Yeah, it’s more of a Christmas movie but shut up. It’s about a cow that can talk and a kid that can’t. Amazing. You are now ready for fall. You can invite over whomever you want or, the preferred option, stay home by yourself, drink that apple bullshit you just made and be alone. And then, after sobbing your eyes out at the sheer genius and overall purity that is Annabelle’s Wish, get turnt, put on a scarf, call a cab to ride around town and make people feel bad for their basic-ass décor and their unscented homes. It’s like they think it’s still summer. N00bs.

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PAGES 10-11

CONFESSIONS OF AN ENTITLED COLLEGE GRAD

TOP 10: WAYS TO KEEP THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT ALIVE

THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS: JIMMY PARDO

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A FEW MORE WAYS

SEX EUPHEMISM OR SERIAL KILLER NICKNAME?

TO KILL SOME TIME.

BEAT OUR CAPTION! Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

“Just wait until you see my Halloween costume.”

THE MAN OF THE VESTS

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nickname. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

WORD of the WEEK

QWERKEE A descriptor of anything intentionally misspelled.

Pam thought it would be qwerkee to end all her emails with “hugz n kizzez.” It was annoying.

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR! Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. The image to the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

A native of Milan, Italy.

Founder of Royal Treatment, a high-end grooming line for pets.

Is a prince.

# # #

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TRUE LIFE

CONFESSIONS OF AN

ENTITLED COLLEGE GRAD Knowlton Bourne wrote this

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After waiting for two weeks, I’m actually glad I haven’t heard back from the job I interviewed for. I didn’t even want that job anyway. As a recent college grad, the starting pay and title were way below my ideal job. Plus, the boss’ office isn’t even that big, so there wouldn’t be anything to work towards. Not only did I fail to see even one attractive secretary, but everyone was about as plain as the manila envelopes that float around the office, like the kind of people who would be extras on Burn Notice. Everyone was eating Quiznos and sack lunches. No P.F. Chang’s. No one was drinking scotch, smoking cigarettes, or anything. Their big ”whoopty-doo” was getting to wear jeans on casual Thursday. Anyway, my double major in philosophy and art appreciation really over-qualifies me for some drab office job. I’m too much of a ”big picture” kind of guy for Regional Account Manager. Instead of slumping around in a cubicle, biding my time by reading DIY blogs about birdhouses, I’ll probably just get a job as a director or churn out that novel I’ve been meaning to write. That’s the kind of gig I need. I can’t be pushing paper with these kinds of million-dollar ideas floating around in my head. What do they expect, man? Also, the interviewer said that he needed to see my résumé on paper. You know who else needs to see my résumé on paper? Global warming. He probably voted for Bush. Twice. I told the interviewer all about the indie short film my friends and I made for a class in college. Surprisingly, that didn’t really seem to impress him. He’s probably never even seen any French New Wave films or Christopher Nolan. I didn’t

even mention my short stint as a mumblecore critic. Also, I apparently needed job references from previous employers. I thought they wanted to see references to classic movies and books pretty much everyone knows, like Doctor Strangelove and Inception. They were probably way over the interviewer’s head. What a Joe Shmoe. My greatest strengths are probably that I was president of my Ole Miss’ Poetry Club and Deep Thinking Club. I was also the creative manager for the drum circle, not everyone can say that. If you’ve never tried to lead a drum circle, you don’t really know what the front line feels like. Also, I can write a really good villanelle; those have a bunch of rules and stuff. Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t get the job because they didn’t even have a company car for me or anything. It’s like they expect me to ride the bus with the regular people or something. Even if I did get the job, they would probably promote me too fast. All the other employees would get mad and I’d have to fire them or something. I would say it’s their loss but even if they did offer that stupid job to me, I’d probably just turn it down. I have way too much on my plate right now. Between improv class and my Buddhist meditations, I would just get way too overwhelmed with all that power and responsibility. So all in all, it totally works out for the best. I’ll move back in with my parents and start working on my poetry chapbook that is probably going be up there with the greats: Shakespeare, Jewel, and Kurt Cobain, those kinds of geniuses. See you in the stars, Grievingly Graduated

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Should You Be A Cat For Halloween? A Basic Guide Staff wrote this

You’ve been to a couple Halloween parties this year, and things have been great. That Despicable Me minion outfit showed the world how a large amount of creativity and a small amount of clothes can make you the center of attention at any Halloween event. You’ve experienced many hauntings, hayrides, and horse cops, but now it’s week two of Halloween and your ideas for themed attire are growing thin. We know the “classic” cat costume is tempting, but don’t rush to any clichéd, uninspired decisions just yet. Here’s The Black Sheep’s criteria on whether or not a cat costume is what you’re looking for as apparel in the coming Halloween weekends. Would you describe yourself as a cat person?: If you really love cats, then this costume may be for you. It may show the world that you’re adorable and soft, but at the same time cunning and perfectly willing to stab your closest friends in the back if they step on your tail. Everyone understands your affinity for your cute companion, and nobody’s accusing you of being a crazy cat lady just yet. Are you being just a cat, and not someone like the Cat in the Hat?: Think of all the famous cats out there that you could be with just a few more materials: the Cat in the Hat, Garfield, Puss in Boots. Hell, even Professor McGonagall fits into this category. Before you settle on the generic ears and tail, remember that you’ve passed up on representing some of the most

prominent pussies of the age. Are you really, one hundred percent, completely out of costume ideas?: Everyone is expecting the people who are too lazy to come up with something on their own to show up to the party dressed as a cat. Are you satisfied with being that person? If you’re really going to follow through with this, you have to really commit. You’ll have to spend the night eating Meow Mix and drinking milk—or the blood of your enemies. If you don’t think you can live up to the feline name, try another easy classic costume, like a ghost, a cowgirl, or Hillary Clinton. A manly pantsuit and a fierce haircut is all you need. Boys may possibly hit on a slutty secretary. No man, however, can resist a sexy ex-Secretary of State. Are you a catty bitch?: You’ve committed to your part, so you’re going to have to fit your personality to the costume. Cats are known for being solitary, temperamental, and self-absorbed. A devious and ruthless personality will broadcast to your peers that your black cat costume is perfectly fitting, and that bad luck will befall them if they think otherwise. Will this costume involve cat ears?: A cat costume’s success is directly proportional to the amount of clothes not worn with it. You’ve already discarded your hopes of preserving your self-image by dressing as a cat, so don’t stress too much if you’re not sure

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about wearing just a bandeau and a short skirt with cat ears. An ideal college Halloween cat costume would be black lingerie and cat ears without the cat ears. Just something to consider.

If you can confidently answer yes to all of these questions, then you’re prepared to dress as a feline night prowler. Unoriginality aside, you truly are an independent soul, and your costume choice reflects it well.

LOVE YOUR BODY

THE BLACK SHEEP INVESTIGATES:

FRESHMAN FIFTEEN Evan Myers wrote this

Chubbiness, huskiness, and breathlessness are slowly beginning to plague formerly– hot Ole Miss Rebels. The Freshman Fifteen, or as The Black Sheep likes to call it, “The Winter Coat,” is commonplace among the entire student body. Hell, who hasn’t gone home for winter break and realized your parents shrunk all the doors? For many students, meals at home were made by mom—or dad if your family was weird— and were limited in both size and scope. Now at Ole Miss, students face many new options to eat; such as the Rebel Market, known for its all-you-can-eat carb fest. Or if that isn’t enough, you can go to the Union and get whatever cultural heart attack they’re currently pushing on students. Noticing the new chunky monkeys waddling the campus, The Black Sheep decided to investigate in what ways the bastardous fifteen has worsened our beautiful student body and the corresponding campus experience. “We get at least seven calls a day on broken furniture,” Todd, the burnout from maintenance, said. “I’m not callin’ em overweight, but these fatties are breaking oak tables like toothpicks.” The University of Mississippi estimates that over three million dollars’ worth of damage has been committed by Rebel whales. While much of the damage is due to smaller items being broken; such as desks, chairs, and beds, there have been numerous large items destroyed as well. “Those damn goalposts never would have come down if the lardos didn’t climb ’em,” Todd continued unabashedly, “but we’re prepared to handle any threat now.” The university’s security and maintenance crews have been trained to deal with a situation before it gets out of hand.

THE TOP TEN Ways to Keep the

Halloween Spirit Alive Halloween is awesome, you get to wear a disguise and make a ruckus around town. It’s a cop’s worst nightmare and a delinquent’s dream come true. So when October 31st comes and goes far too quick, you’re left clinging to the few specials that are still running on TV and thinking how Halloween was as great as it was fleeting. The Black Sheep understands your pain and are here to help you ween from the teat of All Hallow’s Eve. 10.) Just Remember: Think of all the good times you had. Taking shots of Jameson, dancing with your wet dream incarnate, taking shots of SKYY, scaring that really old guy who had a mild heart attack, and last but not least taking shots of Jager. Actually, it’s understandable if you don’t recall, but we swear it was the best time of your life. 9.) Candy Everywhere: There’s not a better time to get a mouthful of cavities on a budget than the day after Halloween. Pretty much every store that sells a pack of gum is going to have pallets and pallets of candy they didn’t sell, and now it all costs pennies. The pickings might not be of the highest caliber, but 100 knockoff Hershey bars for a quarter is a hell of a deal.

Investing over $25 in a counterfatty program, Ole Miss has given these crews the ability to take down potential threats. “They gave us water balloons to throw at fat kids leaning on things. In fact, I think I see one now...” Todd proceeded to chuck balloons at an overweight child leaning on a Lyceum pillar.

Several sorority girls broke out into tears when asked to give their opinion. “I would have answered your question if you didn’t call me Fatty McGee,” Ms. McGee stated, “that’s not even my last name.” One guy at the Turner Center offered his perspective on maintaining a healthy body weight.

“I’m not callin’ em overweight, but these fatties are breaking oak tables like toothpicks.” As the child ran away in tears, Todd rambled about how he missed the good ol’ days “when you could use a BB gun on ‘em.” Then he lit a cigarette and took a nap in his golf cart. The student body seems just as concerned as the university on this subject. We spoke with various students addressing the issue. “Wait, you mean my metabolism is only getting worse? What the shit bro?” Jack Hill, a freshman women’s studies major, said. Mr. Hill wasn’t the only student in shock that he was no longer in a high school student’s body.

“Diet and exercise go a long way. If not, try and get dysentery at Panda Express. Worked for me.” Dysentery, while proven to be effective, is not considered a healthy lifestyle choice according to the internet. While students and faculty are most affected by this pandemic, even some of the locals expressed concern for the welfare of the school. “Is having a little extra weight okay? Does society have really fucked up views on beauty? Sure, but fat people are gross,” Henry, a local vagrant said.

8.) Keep on Treatin’: Maybe the store was already sold out from everyone else who read this rushing there and buying up all the Mexican Mars bars. So just take things into your own hands. March down the streets and start knocking on doors, and don’t you dare take no for an answer. You demand candy from them. Take their loved ones hostage if you have to, but get that sweet, nougat-y center. 7.) Feel Shame: This is an oft-overlooked aspect of the holiday, but those who truly get into the spirit of Halloween know that October 31st is not complete unless you can look back on the night and only shake your head. Sure, that little kid probably didn’t need a lap dance, but it sure made his night to have slutty Simba give him one. 6.) Continuously Redecorate: The worst part about a holiday being over is that people keep thinking that it’s over. Remind them that Halloween is forever by having emergency decorations on hand at all times. Lecture hall not looking spooky enough? COBWEBS EVERYWHERE. Classmates looking too confident in their footing while crossing the classroom? BLAST THAT FOG MACHINE. 5.) Hold Your Friends Hostage: Maybe your friends understand why you’re so desperate to keep the dream alive, maybe they don’t. Make them understand. All you need is the Halloweentown trilogy, Hocus Pocus, and every Scooby-Doo movie ever. We’re not saying a taser is a great way to make sure no one leaves your awesome movie marathon, but we’re not, not saying that. 4.) Scare people: Scare the piss out of ‘em and remind them what holiday just passed. Don’t half-ass it, either. You’re gonna need a P.A. system, a thick curtain, and at least one set of young twin girls that can request you come play dress up. Bonus points if their eyes are bottomless abysses of sorrow. 3.) Blast Some Jams: This is by far the easiest way to keep yourself feelin‘ spooky. Just put some Halloween tunes on repeat. Almost any store this time of the year will have some holiday CDs for $2 a pop. Get some “Monster Mash” bumpin‘ or maybe even “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah”. 2.) Do Dirty Stuff: While the rest of the world might think you’re insane and refuse to humor you, there’s always your significant other. Take the Halloween spirit straight to the bedroom and wake the dead. Try a little horror movie role-play. Don’t just do the tired ole serial killer in the house bit, mix it up. Do some role reversal and play out a gender-bent Jason Voorhees and you’re the strapping, young stoner-nerd-jock. 1.) Just Believe: If you close your eyes and wish really hard, they say you can bring back a holiday for a whole day and relive it beat for beat. We’re just kidding, but if you take enough acid you can totally transform your reality into A Nightmare Before Christmas. Not that we condone the intense usage of psychedelics, but they are an option. So, you’re welcome.

Barney Thompson wrote this

PARTY PICS

Tweet us your #partypics, or send them to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

ON THE STREETS What fictional character would make the best lover? BUELLER “Dory from Finding Nemo because she’d forget about it instantly.”

EVAN “Darth Vader. He gives the best helmet.”

PERRY “Duke Nukem because he’s always talking about fucking women while he’s also being a total hard ass and killing shit.”

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WEDNESDAY

TBS: So how did you get into stand-up and what drove you to pursue comedy? Jimmy: I started in the late 80s, the comedy boom was humongous, especially around Chicago. Every bar had comedy nights in addition to around a dozen comedy clubs at the time, so I was getting on stage two, three times a night driving all over the city to get some stage time. What drove me to pursue comedy was growing up in the South Side of Chicago and south suburbs. It’s a very sports-based city, not that I’m against sports but I wasn’t very good at them and I didn’t fit in with that scene. I had a sense of humor and I would use it to either impress the girls or get out of fights and I found my own groove of people. And you end up being friends with those types of people and you eventually find your way in life, and you either end up going to college and being a professional in something, or you end up being a clown like me. TBS: You still continue to do stand-up, but in 2006 you decided to start your podcast Never Not Funny, one of the first well-known comics to do so. What made you stop and think that would be something that you’d want to do? Jimmy: I think I was one of the first comics that had a following that started a podcast, and it really came out of the gentleman that’s now my cohost and producer, Matt Belknap, who was just a fan of mine. He would come and see me do shows at the UCB Theater here in LA. He was doing a very dry podcast where he would interview comedians about the craft, which was really great, but after he did the interview with me he said “Hey, I think I’d have more fun producing your podcast,” and I had no idea what that meant. I had listened to Ricky Gervais, his was hot at the time and it was the only other one that I knew of. I was between TV gigs and I thought “you know what, I don’t know what this is and I don’t wanna be the guy that’s left behind on it, so I’m gonna be the first of my group to do it.” And so we started in March of 2006 and here we are. TBS: You have the Pardcast-a-Thon coming up on November 28th, which for our readers that don’t know is a 12-hour live podcast featuring a rotating guest list that has raised over half a million dollars for Smile Train, a charity that provides corrective surgery for children with cleft lips and palates. What brought you to partner with Smile Train and what was the idea that sparked the 12-hour podcast? Jimmy: There’s a show regular by the name of Pat Francis and he came on as a guest one time and thought it would be funny if we had an auction to raise money for Smile Train. It was on the back of Parade magazine, and just coincidentally he brought it up and I said, “jeez, I just gave to them yesterday” and so I said let’s do it. So, we did an auction that whoever raised the most money got to be a guest on Never Not Funny. In 2008, and in 2009 we were toying around with what we could do next that would be neat and unique. I always grew up loving the Jerry Louis Labor Day Telethon. It’d go for 24 hours and you don’t know who’s gonna show up at 3:30 in the morning, everybody gets loopy tired but it’s a lot of fun and raises a ton of money. So we thought who could we do it for and we thought Smile Train made sense. So we just sent them a check after the first year, I think it was just 6,000 bucks, which is still a lot of money considering we were just this small, little podcast. So after a couple of years we ended up partnering with them and last year we raised $144,000. So in as little as five years, the awareness has grown, it’s been good for Smile Train, it’s been good for us, and it’s been a hell of a lot of fun too. TBS: Do you have any fundraising goals for this year? And do you have any idea who the guests will be? In the past you’ve had some great guests such as Amy Poehler, Zach Galifianakis, and Jon Hamm. Jimmy: I always like to say that the goal is to beat last year’s amount and $144,000 is a lot of money. But our audience has grown so it’s conceivable that we’ll make more. But any money for Smile Train is a win. And we’ve just started casting and putting out offers, but the show regulars are gonna be there. Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins, Janet Varney, and of course Matt Belknap and Pat Francis will be there the entire 12 hours. And we’ve reached out to the people we don’t necessarily know to bring in some star factor.

TBS: Going back to your live comedy, how has the podcast affected how you’ve approached standup? Jimmy: I’ve always been pretty improvisational on stage, talking stream of consciousness off the top of my head, and finding the funny, but when you’re a good comic that nobody knows you have to get on the stage and convince people that you’re funny. There’s a room of people that didn’t know who I was and just saw my name on a flier. For reasons I’ll never understand, people go to a comedy club with the mindset of “these guys better be funny,” which is the weirdest thing. If you’re gonna go there, why not just trust that it’s gonna be a good show? It’s always a weird adversarial relationship with the audience and the comedian. So, it went from spending the first three minutes on stage convincing people that they’re in good hands and it’s gonna be a good show, to now because of the podcast there’s this fan base that comes out to support. I went from maybe a few people in the audience knowing who I am to every show being full of podcast fans. I know that they’re on my side and I can make them laugh, plus attendance is better and people are coming to see me and not just to see comedy, which is great. And the shows are better because I run my mouth an hour and a half every week on my podcast, so I trust that I’m going to find the funny and for the most part the audience stays with it. TBS: You also open for Conan O’Brien, how has that experience been and how did you get that job? Jimmy: I started with them day one at The Tonight Show when they moved from New York to L.A., and I’d never met Conan or anyone on the staff. I knew a couple of the writers but none of the higher-ups. And I knew Andy Richter a little bit from doing some shows with him at The UCB, but it would’ve been presumptuous to say I was a friend of Andy’s at the time. When they were moving out to L.A., they wanted somebody to open the shows and legend has it that Andy Richter said “the guy that can do an hour off the top of his head and has the same sensibilities as this show is Jimmy Pardo.” So they called me in for an interview. I didn’t want the job. I didn’t want to be a warm-up act, that’s not why I moved to L.A., but I thought, “you know what, it’s The Tonight Show, it’s Conan O’Brien, I’ve gotta at least take that meeting.” I went to the meeting, and within minutes I was like “I’ve gotta take this job.” They told me that I didn’t have to throw out t-shirts or candy, I’ve just gotta go out there and do comedy, and then I’m done. So I met Conan, Mike Sweeney the head writer, Jeff Ross the executive producer, the stage manager Steve Hollander, and they all told me that I was the guy. I had never felt that wanted before in show business, so I took the job and I’ve been there for 5 years and it’s been great. Being around all those amazingly funny people every day, I never once bitch that I have to go to work. First I’m about to go do comedy for a living, and in addition I get to work with these hilarious people.

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BARTENDER of the WEEK Relationship Status: Single • Major: Graduated Favorite Drink: Budweiser • Favorite Shot: Tequila Disgusting Drink: Jagermeister If you had the opportunity to wipe one liquor off the face of this planet, what would it be?: Anything that’s not a natural color, because it’s toxic.

to hell for that” moment in recent memory?: I saw someone fall down the stairs and it was pretty funny. Blood was involved.

How would drinking be fundamentally different if beer looked like blood?: There would be a lot liquor drinkers.

What kind of crazy plot would your evil twin concoct?: Win the Heisman while playing at State.

Where’s the strangest place you’ve found yourself after a night of drinking?: 711 Jackson Ave E, Oxford, MS

MIKE OF THE BLIND PIG THE DRINKING GAME

What’s your most, “Yeah, I’m going

Name a sexual maneuver after yourself: The Sweet Nasty Why should people read The Blacks Sheep?: ‘Cause it can be found at The Blind Pig.

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

TRICK OR TREAT

CANDY SOUP

Alright, we know you’re not 5-years-old anymore, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want all the candy your lazy ass can possibly gather. It’s a rarity that Halloween falls on a Friday and that means you’ll be extra-blasted this year, so let’s put that inebriation to good use, shall we?

It’s that time of year again. Now that you’ve already gone trick or treating and have all that candy, it’s time to do something with it. You could try and get creative, but it’s always best to play it safe: go with the same game plan you’ve had since you were 4 years old. Mix it all together in a bowl and eat until you want to puke.

What You’ll Need: A 30 rack of your favorite beer, the biggest bag you can find (we like to go with one of the garbage variety), a damn strong sweet tooth. Number of Players: Just you, sugar tooth. Level of Intoxication: Enough to forget you’re 21 years old. How to play: - In preparation for this, you’re going to need to brush your teeth for two straight days beforehand. Yeah, you’ll need to skip class and work for this. It’s a commitment. - Finish off that 30 rack as quickly as possible. Yes, after a while it turns into more work than play, but who says the sweetest things in life come easy? - Grab the biggest bag you can find and hit the town, leaving all your friends at your Halloween party behind in the name of food. - .First, you’ll need to sweep through campus. You may not get as many prepared households at student-inhabited apartments, but you can always just push them aside and grab whatever you can from their cabinets. - Next, you’ll need to exit campus and hit up the residential areas. Yes, the townies may be a little freaked out by a 21-year-old in a cheerleading costume (that’s probably all you’ll be able to find the night before) begging for candy. The Game Ends When: You manage to gather at least three pounds of candy to the two black eyes you’ll receive raiding some bro’s apartment on campus.

When’s the least appropriate time for an evil laugh?: If tears are involved..

Who—like a spirit animal—is your spirit celebrity?: Bill Murray in The Life Aquatic

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What You’ll Need: A bag full of candy, a large bowl, Tylenol for your stomach. Fatty Factor: Don’t even look at the scale tomorrow morning. Let’s Get Baked: - Gather all the candy you’ve earned throughout the night and bring it to the kitchen. - Open up every piece of candy you got tonight and put them all in the bowl. - Roll with us here: Stir the candy with a gigantic spoon. - Now that you have a proper variety of candy to choose from, dig your hand in for a sweet surprise . - Keep shoving fistfuls of sugar down your throat until you physically can’t handle anymore. Be careful you don’t eat too much that you have to puke everything back up into the bowl. But if you do, just shrug and remember, this sweet, sweet meal only comes once a year.

NOMNOMNOM AT THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

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Halloween bingo

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CLASSIC COSTUME CROSSWORD ACROSS: 1) Broom not required. 4) Karin from Mean Girls; “I’m a ___, duh!” 5) Put a pacifier in your mouth and call yourself this. 6) Grab an orange sweater from American Apparel, boom, done. 7) Just borrow some stuff from your mom’s mom and be this. 8) A lady who gets athletes stoked.

9) The teacher of The Magic School Bus, Miss who? 11) The main character from The Nightmare Before Christmas, Jack who? 13) Arrrggghhh! 14) Throw a sheet over your head and call yourself this. 15) Her last name is Morgendorffer, and she’s apathetic towards most everything.

ANSWERS

DOWN: 1) Wait, where is he? 2) Aladdin’s love interest. 3) This is, like, so 60s, man. 5) She can be the nature and he can be this guy who make pretty little mistakes (two words). 7) The girls can go as these Girls; Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia. 10) “Is there a naughty lady in this room that I need to punish?” But not a stripper. 12) She’s sexy, and she’ll stick a needle in ya.

GET READY FOR GAMEDAY! VS.

THE LEVEE

ROUNDTABLE

MONDAY

THURSDAY

$0.25 WINGS, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL (3 - 8) $2 PITCHERS (8 - 12)

$5 CHICKEN FINGER BASKET & FRIES, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL (3 - 8) 2-FOR-1 WELLS, DOMESTICS & SHOOTERS (8 - 10) $2 CHAMPAGNE (7-11PM)

TUESDAY $10 BURGER & BOTTOMLESS BEER, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL (3 - 8) 2-FOR-1 WELLS & SHOOTERS (8 - 12)

WEDNESDAY 2-FOR-1 APPETIZERS & $3 WELL WHISKEY, $ 1 OFF ALL OTHER ALCOHOL (3 - 8) $2 WELLS & $1 DRAFTS (8 - 11:15)

FRIDAY 2-FOR-1 SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICHES, $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL (3 - 8)

SATURDAY HAPPY HOUR: $1 OFF ALL ALCOHOL (3 - 8)

HAPPY HOUR MONDAY - FRIDAY! $2 DOMESTICS, $3 IMPORTS, $4 WELLS, $1 OFF TOP SHELF MONDAY THURSDAY

$6 HALF SLAB OF RIBS, $3 FIREBALL

TUESDAY

HALF PRICE QUESADILLAS, $2 HOUSE WINE

WEDNESDAY

2 SANDWICHES FOR $10, $3 WELL WHISKEY DRINKS

HALF PRICE APPETIZERS UNTIL 7PM, 2 FOR 1 WELLS FROM 7-10:30PM

FRIDAY

$8 BREW AND CUE (BBQ SANDWICH, BEER AND FRIES)

! S L E B E R GO