The Black Sheep DUM
Vol. 2, Issue 1
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
PST FREE ER- ... L DIV IKE ED D I N YO U R NER TON I
GHT .
1/16/14 - 1/29/14
JUNIOR STAYS FOR WINTER BREAK, SURVIVES BY: BLACK SHEEP STAFF Unable to stomach the prospect of returning home, Jonathon Torrance, a Purdue junior, decided to remain in West Lafyette for the entirety of winter break. However, after a brief honeymoon in which the empty streets and roaming tumbleweeds seemed quaint and adorable, desperation set in. “At first it was fun,” said Torrance. “I could streak Cary Quad, break into everyone’s empty houses, and ride elevators to the second floor without shame. But you can only run the perimeter of the university naked so many times before the novelty wears off.” Those closest to Torrance expressed doubts about his plan to spend nearly a month in an empty college town from the onset. “I told him not to do it,” said roommate Thomas Garrich. “He knew the whole town would be empty; and without all the other students around, there’s really not much to do in West Lafyette.” When asked if he thought spending the break alone would be good for his sanity, Torrance responded that it was “exactly what [he] was looking for” and that “a month of solitude is just what [he] need[ed].” “I don’t know why he thought he needed seclusion,” said a bemused Garrich. “That kid can hardly get through a shower without getting lonely.” Despite his confidence, within a week devoid of human contact Torrance began to display some strange habits. Numerous reports state that Torrance was repeatedly seen in Ross-Ade Stadium screaming for someone to “pass him the ball,” despite the fact that there was no one else around, as well as no ball. The only comfort Torrance had throughout the endeavor was the companionship of Rosie, whom he met on Christmas Day as he climbed through her chimney, thinking he was Santa Claus. Rosie and Torrance soon fell deeply in love and consummated their love that very night, which was painful because Rosie was a plastic Christmas ornament. After the decidedly subpar sex with Rosie, the couple decided to break up “mutually” as Torrance put it. This left Torrance in an extremely vulnerable state that was made worse by the series of concussions he obtained trying to jump from roof to roof delivering imaginary presents on Christmas. On January 4th, Torrance finally succumbed to the combination of cabin fever and massive head trauma. Unaware of the actual date, Torrance thought it was New Year’s Eve and acted upon a desire to give Purdue “a real New Year’s experience.” Climbing
PAGE 4 JUST THE TIPS HERE’S HOW TO MAKE YOUR GROUP PROJECT FAMILY LOVE YOU.
atop Mackey Arena covered in Christmas lights so as to imitate the ball dropping, Torrance jumped to what should have been his imminent death. Luckily, the Christmas lights ran out of cord and stopped him just feet short of the pavement. The next day, Torrance was found by the police, who arrived late to
the scene. After a few weeks in the hospital and a few more weeks in an insane asylum, Torrance has gotten over the breakup with Rosie and is happy again. Though the brain damage has made it so that he will not be able to attend Purdue any longer, he has been accepted on scholarship to Indiana University, where his macaroni art puts him near the head of his class.
PAGE 5 MARIJUANA, SENSELESS MURDER LEGALIZED IN COLORADO JUST SAY NO TO KILLING PEOPLE AND YES TO CHEETOS AND NETFLIX.
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PAGE 7 THE DRUNKEN HEART-TO-HEART HOW TO DEAL WITH OVER SHARING WHEN YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO INHALE FRENCH FRIES.
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JUST THE TIPS:
Make Your Group Project Family Love You BY: BOB RODRIGUEZ
During syllabus week you’ll notice the dreaded phrase “group project” in that unholy document that lets you know exactly how much class-skipping you can get away with, your syllabus. And if we know anything about college, it’s that group projects are worse than RAs. Group projects are always easier when someone else does all the work for you. Keeping that in mind, TBS has come up with a few suggestions on how to make everyone in your group like you more than Paula Deen likes butter. First things first, personal hygiene is over. The key to making a lasting first impression is to smell like a solid three weeks of body odor. Nothing says I’m going to hardcore sexually fantasize about this person for the rest of the semester like the smell of expired cod fish, cigarette smoke, and unexceptional living standards. Everyone loves stewing in his or her own filth, so don’t be shy. Hot yoga three times a week, sans shower? No problem! Adopting seven incontinent orphan pussycats that need a loving owner? There’s nothing better to have in a one-bedroom apartment! By the time your group project deadline nears, you’ll be the envy of all your classmates and able to say with confidence, “Take that, Ke$ha.” You could also try staging a revolution. There’s always that one group member that loves the sound of his or her own voice, but unfortunately this individual is too blinded by selfinvolvement to understand how dumb they actually are. This person will try to control the group’s behavior, handwriting made up words like “supposably” and “prolifergate” all over a poster board. Make it your job to conspire with the other group members regarding a violent revolt against the cretin dictator. That way you can become the new dictator and
THE
tell everyone what to do while you sit back and watch the commoners work. You’ll be popular in no time, respected for both your maturity and strength of character. Plus, like, everyone knows you’re better than the peasants you’ve been assigned to work with, so this is without a doubt the ideal situation for everyone involved.
TOP
TEN
If the opportunity should present itself, borrow money from each group member and “promise” to pay them back. Remember how you felt when that one homeless guy came up to you and asked to borrow twenty dollars? It’s a fact—humans love when strangers ask for money. Even better, we all love loaning money to people we have no personal involvement with. Soon enough, though, your group members will start pestering you to pay them back, and that’s when you’ll seal the deal. Attracting friendly conversation using your personality is overrated, anyway. The best news is that if you never pay them back, they’ll be forced to maintain contact with you for a several solid months until they give up. Who knew making friends was so easy? Oh, that’s right. You did. Of course there are many other ways to guarantee respect and camaraderie from your fellow group members—posting a daily selfie on the group project Facebook page, talking about how superior your religion is to that of your fellow group members, and eating with your mouth open among other things. The truth is there is no such thing as a successful group project. Most end in a two to three month period of deep hatred toward humanity despite the shitty or wonderful grade you may have received. However, on the plus side, at least you’ll have yet another reason to have that “round one of grades is over” drink, or seven.
BY: BLACK SHEEP STAFF Back in class and already it’s a drag! College, the learning part is such a bummer, right? Well then just drop out, you big dummy. Here are ten jobs that’ll let you still feel the warming glow of college life without having to worry about getting one of those pesky degrees.
Marijuana, Senseless Murder
Legalized in Colorado BY: BLACK SHEEP STAFF The coming of the New Year has brought change in our nation’s drug policy—change that has brought with it a wave of panic and fear. With the legalization of marijuana and senseless murder in Colorado coming into effect, a panicked public has been voicing outrage across the nation. “It’s just absurd,” 45-year-old lumber mill worker Fred Davis said of the decision. “Lives are in danger, I don’t feel safe,” he added, his eyes nervously shifting back and forth, “I mean, how could they honestly think people wouldn’t get hurt if marijuana were legal.”
“Everyone was just supposed to be super chill. It was never supposed to come to this.” Although Davis’s claim may seem unlikely, we at The Black Sheep travelled to Colorado to check in with the state government’s statistics and do absolutely nothing else. The $5,000 in cash was for travel expenses; get off our back, Rick from corporate accounting. “Yeah, the death rate has spiked since the law went into effect,” Governor Rickolas Pentrope said, “which isn’t entirely shocking, given the exact wording of the law. I mean, how could you expect otherwise when those damn Democrats snuck in phrases like, ‘under no circumstances should a non-violent drug user be punished as severely as a rapist or serial killer,’” he added over the rattling gunfire and screaming outside his office. “I mean, what were they expecting to happen?”
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COLLEGE-RELATED JOBS YOU DON’T NEED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR
Even some of the law’s most adamant supporters turned their backs on the plan when it became a reality. We spoke with Burt Waldin, head of the “Legalize It!” student group at the University of Boulder, about his recent decision to resign from the group. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, man,”Waldin stammered, wringing his hands together nervously. “Everyone was just supposed to be super chill and sit around eating pizzas and watching cartoons all day. It was never supposed to come to this.” We asked Waldin if he thought the recent legalization of senseless, brutal murder could potentially explain the recent crime wave on the university’s campus, but he insisted that it had nothing to do with it. “Couldn’t be. You think that the ability to walk into a man’s house, drag him into the street, break both of his kneecaps with a tire iron, then remove his head and place it on a pike to warn your enemies, without any legal punishment, has something to do with it? I know weed is legal now, but you guys have been hitting it WAY too much if you think that’s the problem here.” Waldin shook his head remorsefully. “I never should have founded that organization.” When asked if he had advice for any other student-led legalization groups, Waldin said, “Legalizing marijuana was a huge mistake,” his face covered in the blood of Chris Baywood, single father of four, after Baywood’s head was cleaved off with one fell swoop of a broadsword. “Drugs are a danger to public health.” Waldin has since been sentenced to 25 years in prison for possession of cocaine.
10.) Person who unironically works at the Salvation Army when a college student goes there to buy a costume: Oh, the joy you’ll feel when you (yes, you!) see that petulant sophomore buy that $4.99 suit you’ve been eying for that job interview at the cracker factory next week. You’ll positively squeal with joy when he talks about cutting the sleeves off of it so he can be “a fuckin’ redneck CEO” for the party. 9.) Dorm janitor: Listen, no one will tell you that cleaning up puke every day is a life dream, and my job would sure be a lot easier if these guys would just trim their pubes over the sink. That said, fishing condom wrappers out of the garbage and leaving them strategically placed around my apartment so my roommates think I’m getting laid is a lot easier than actually getting laid. 8.) Beer deliveryman (or woman!): You’re not much of a romantic, but you can’t help but think of yourself as a descendent of those 1920s bootleggers you see in so many of those historical dramas. Hey, if the demand for warm Keystone Light is there, someone’s gotta supply it, right? The glory, man. The glory is all yours. 7.) Stripper hired for rush event: You’ve got the day circled on your calendar; you’ve been looking forward to it for months! Can you believe it’s finally here? Time to go to Tappa Kegga Alpha to pick some dollar bills off of the floor with your vagina. Hell, maybe you’ll offer them the opportunity to drilldo you for $300, rent is a little late, after all. 6.) Hobo: They love you! College students really love you! They keep showing you how to do all the new dance moves as long as you let them whip nickels at your feet. Little do they know, joke’s on them. With enough of those bad boys you’ll be able to afford a pint of vodka to make the tremors go away. 5.) Cafeteria worker: These 13-hour days of heavy lifting really help you avoid putting on the freshman 15 those stupid students have to worry so much about. Plus you get to save money on meals— they’ll let you eat anything that spends more than four seconds on the floor. Floor pizza is the best pizza, anyway. 4.) Vista customer service representative: It’s ok to live vicariously through others once in a while. You’re on the phone with someone who swears they didn’t mean to go over their dad’s credit limit to buy one’a them iPads you always see advertised on the TV. You don’t even know why someone would want one of ‘em, there’s not even an Ethernet port to plug it into the internet! 3.) Small-town taxi driver: You’re telling me that college students will pay me money for them to show me where all the good parties are? Hey! Hey! No! Stop! You’re not allowed to play with those binoculars in the glove box. 2.) Jimmy John’s deliver driver: Hah, no dude, I totally get you, you’re in college and you can’t afford to tip me; makes total sense. Here, let me just call my wife and let her know that her and our two sons are having day-old bread for dinner again. Man, I hope I can steal some mustard packets from work. 1.) Person who prints degrees: It seem like just yesterday you were slavin’ away at the ole’ degree mill to earn a piece of paper that would make you a “doctor” or some shit like that. Hah, the fools! Now it’s you who wields the power. If you want little lawyerin’ Jonny to be a sociology major, you have the power to print that, and it’ll only be the fourth time this week you’ll get reprimanded by your boss who ::yank yank:: has a degree in business administration.
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ON THE STREETS WHAT NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION BEST DEFINES A COLLEGE STUDENT? r Ryan, Junio
The Drunken Heart-to-Heart: How To Deal With Over Sharing BY: MOLLY BURFORD You wake up and your head is pounding. A half-eaten piece of pizza lays next to you, your jeans are still on, and for the life of you, you cannot seem to find your dignity--just a typical Saturday morning in Lexington. Your phone buzzes with a message that reads, “Hey, hope u r doing ok today, girl. I’m always here if u need 2 talk!” Ruh roh.
“I’m going to start talking about working out more.”
r Adam, Junio
“I won’t drunk text all my ex-girlfriends.”
Jon, Senior
Last night, you and your new gal pal were having a drunken heart to heart in McDonald’s along with a Big Mac, chicken nuggets, French fries, and impending heart disease. While you were blubbering over your 8th chicken nugget, you happened to reveal a little more about yourself than you would have liked to. Ever. You would not even tell a therapist the shit you disclosed last night and now your new friend knows enough about you to write a Lifetime movie. So, what now? Here at The Black Sheep, we acknowledge that saving face is important and are here with several options to help you get through the horror of your over share.
Option One: Deny EVERYTHING Respond to your caring friend’s text with, “That’s sweet. Thanks! I’ll let you know if I ever have a problem. I rarely do, though. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I actually had any drama in my life or talked about it because nothing is really serious enough to be mentioned.”
“You would not even tell a therapist the shit you disclosed last night and now your new friend knows enough about you to write a Lifetime movie.” Your friend will both drop the subject entirely and come to the conclusion that you were too drunk to have any recollection of your conversation, or she may pursue the topic further and think you could definitely use more heart-to-hearts. If this happens, consider option two. Option Two: Become affiliated with a gang. Threaten person with said gang. This is an extreme, but guaranteed method of self-preservation that will definitely
shut the second party up. However, be warned, it can also result in potential arrest. If this scares you, you’re a pansy, but go ahead and proceed to option three. Option Three: Join witness protection program, move. What are you a witness to, exactly? Your own drunken stupidity, that’s what. Join the witness protection program.Move to a remote location with a new identity where you can start fresh. If moving sounds like too much of a hassle, especially after moving into the dorms, option four can be of help to you. Option Four: Hire a PR guy to do damage control. Who doesn’t think they’re cool enough to have their own personal PR team? Well, now your wildest dreams can come true. Hire a PR representative to do damage control on your supposedly wrecked image. They will do things like make witty Facebook statuses, make fake accounts of attractive people to like said statuses, give you a makeover, and a hug when you need one. Or you could always address the problem, as will be seen in option five.
Option Five: Hold a press conference with a lawyer present. Hold a press conference at the cafeteria for anyone who has nothing better to do and answer any questions involving your recent incident. Enlist a lawyer (or well-dressed law student, nobody will be able to tell the difference) to represent you and to support your right to decline answering any questions you do not feel comfortable discussing. AKA all of them.
Option Six: Realize it’s not that big of a deal. Everyone has their nights. Everyone also has their problems. Think your shit is messed up? We can guarantee you that the person you spilled your life story to has done or been through something equally as messed up or will go through something of that nature eventually. And at least you’re not a cast member of Big Tips Texas, and you’ll always have that going for you. So, let it go and stop drinking so much, you damn fish.
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Post Syllabus-Week Blues
STRIKES AGAIN BY: ZOË KREMKE
As Boilermakers, we know the story of Winter Welcome Week all too well. Coming off of Christmas, New Years, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, or whatever the hell else you celebrate, the only viable option upon return to West Lafyette is to extend the party. After all, what are you going to do in class this week? Look over “unique” syllabuses that are essentially identical? Participating in Winter Welcome Week is, undoubtedly, the best way to fill your time and to stave off winter’s cold. Still, after all the fun you had during welcome week, you had to have known that life would eventually return to normal. You told yourself repeatedly that this was going to happen, that the fun and frivolity of carefree college life could only last so long. But, deep down, we both know that you were hoping that it was never going to end. It was this optimism that makes this week, post-syllabus-week, the hardest week out of each semester. Every time it rolls around, you think you’re prepared. You’re ready to attack the mile-high stacks of homework, fully engaged for each and every review session that you have to attend. “This is the semester that I show Purdue University what I’m truly made of,” you say to yourself, standing in front of your mirror, proudly sporting the reading glasses you never wear. Yet, every semester, you are proved wrong. It’s when what we at The Black Sheep call “Post SyllabusWeek Blues” kicks in. It is a lethal, heart-breaking sickness that attacks young, innocent college students who just want to enjoy their youth. There are only two paths to take once you catch The Blues. You can accept your fate and put too much stock in studying. You’ll lose sight of yourself, and begin to exhibit the side effects that have been known to include, but are not limited to sleep deprivation, binge coffee drinking, extreme Adderall addiction, apathy, and a complete and total lack of interest in putting on real pants. You will become a shell of yourself, excepting weekends when you will show a miraculous sign of recovery, only to take a turn for the worst come Monday. It’s a teasing, cruel sickness that eats away at your soul. The other path you can choose is chancy, and could be just as dangerous as The Blues itself. You could stop caring. You heard us right, the other way of fighting off The Blues is to shirk all of your responsibilities, and discover that laziness is the most wonderful thing that you will ever experience. To successfully engage in this curing method, sleep late. Don’t purchase any of your required textbooks. In fact, drop a class or two; you don’t need to be sporting 17 credits, that’s overkill, my friend. If you take a completely nonchalant approach to your academic lie this semester, it’s likely the Post-Syllabus-Week Blues will only give you trouble for a handful of days, or possibly not at all. Be warned that your new laid-back way of life will cause “The Guilty, Unemployed, and SelfDestroying Cold” to prey on you, or the “Scrub Flu” to infect your easy going state of mind. Both of these sicknesses are just as, if not more, abhorrent than The Blues, so it’s a high-risk toss-up. As we enter The Blues season, test new ways to keep The Blues at bay. If you come up with anything, we at The Black Sheep would love to hear your thoughts. You can find us camped out under a tent of blankets eating an entire box of fudgsicles. The Blues life is a hard one.
the madlib
BARTENDER of the WEEK
so, about that new years resolution
When the clock struck midnight - well, after the ___1___wore off, like, ___2___days later - I was all about my New Years resolution. Because 2014 is the year of change. I’m going to lose ___3___ weight, I’m going to 4.0 my ___4___ class, I’m going to finally land my dream internship at ___5___, and I’m going to find the love of my life. I though I’d be able to accomplish all of that in a few months! But here we are, and the past few months haven’t been perfect, but we can’t have it all!
___11___, followed by ___12___, then some shots of ___13___. By the time we got to the bar, I was 50 shades of ___14___ and ended up staying the night at the celebrity’s assistants hotel room.
The internship seemed a little out of range after I thought about it for a minute. Since I’m not active in any clubs or organizations, lying about being President of ___15___ and then being interview about it wasn’t too smart of me. But through that whole ordeal, I found my calling in studying So the losing weight thing… yeah, that’s not go- ___16___, so I’ll chalk that one up to a win. ing to happen. Between my roommate working at ___6___ and my friend having a pass to __7___, I But one positive is that I’ve found the love of my was pretty much screwed. Plus, for Christmas my life! No, not the assistant, but remember the hotel mom got me a ___8___-of-the-month Club, so we stayed in? Well I was still tipsy when I stumbled that’s really nice too. out the next morning, and started flirting with the front desk guy. He took me out to ___17___ for And the whole doing-well-in-school thing. I breakfast that day, and it’s been love ever since! missed my first exam because ___9___ was doing He even proposed… we’re getting married in a publicity appearance at ___10___ and I wasn’t ___18___! Yay, 2014!!! about to miss that. My roommates and I played
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1) Booze 2) Small number 3) Significant number 4) Major 5) Major Corporation 6) Late-night food spot 7) Awesome on-campus cafeteria 8) Sugary cereal 9) D-List celebrity 10) Campus bar 11) Drinking game 12) A different drinking game 13) Cheap liquor 14) Slang for intoxicated 15) Your major’s biggest club 16) Notoriously easy major 17) Chain fast food restaurant 18) Summer month
Relationship Status: Single Major: Movement and Sports Science Favorite Drink: Jack and Coke Favorite Shot: Rumpleminze Disgusting Drink: Birthday Shot 2014 will be the year of…?: Good tippers What song lyric best captures you?: “With arms wide open…” What’s your least favorite word? Why?: “Bro/brah” because that word makes me angry.
KEN of Harry’s
If you had to lose a limb, which one would it be and why?: My left arm, because I barely use it.
Who’s the fastest draw in the west?: Billy the Kid. Is capitalism a problem systemic in today’s culture, or in a postindustrialization world, should the delegation of labor be such that man is divided into classes, each different from the other socially, politically and economically?: Absolutely. What’s the next big paradigm shift in pornography?: I don’t know, I haven’t thought about that recently. Yo, where da Radisson at?: At Harry’s. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because they have great questions.
RECIPE for DISASTER
DRINKING GAME Questions
Easy Pizza Casserole
You always think you want to play Truth or Dare, mostly because you really hope to see Jennifer’s sweet ta-tas because you’re a big ole’ perv. When it gets down to the traumatic truths or the drop-trou dares, no one does it, no matter how drunk they are. So play Questions, where you get to be a little bit more of a coward until the booze kicks in, and even then you can continue being a big wuss.
Make this easy casserole one afternoon so your roommates have a hot, delicious dinner when they come home from class, and watch the good karma just roll in.
What You Need: Beer or mixed drinks, a solid imagination, and all of the friends. Players: Two would work, but the more the merrier. Level of Intoxication: Betsy might cry when she says she doesn’t know what a money shot is, but that might just be because she’s a sensitive drunk. How to Play: - Everyone grabs a beer or makes a mixed drink, something that you can drink a lot of without getting too crazy too quickly (like, don’t use shots). - One person is deemed the Questioner. The Questioner addresses another player by name and poses a yes or no question, which they must answer without hesitation. - Get creative with your questions, which can transcend all categories. Anything from “Have you ever had sex?” to “Do you approve of what that bigot from Duck Dynasty said about gay people?” works in this game. - The answerer then becomes the Questioner and must ask another player a question immediately. - Repeating questions in not allowed, nor is laughing before answering or asking to repeat the question. - The first person to violate any of the rules has to take a drink. That person then become the first Questioner of the next round. The Game Ends When: Bill questions Betsy: “Do you want to have sex right now?” Hey guys, she’s going to find out what a money shot is!
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What You Need: 2 pouches of buttermilk biscuit mix, 1 cup of water, 1 jar of pizza sauce, 1 package of pepperoni, 2 cups (or more… probably more, definitely more) of shredded mozzarella cheese, 1/2 cup(s) of any other pizza toppings you’d like (we suggest pickled jalapeños). Cook Time: 35 minutes. Fatty Factor: It’s homemade -- that has to count for something! Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Spray a 13x9-inch glass baking dish with cooking spray. - In a bowl, stir your biscuit mix and water until soft dough forms. - Drop half of the dough by spoonfuls evenly in the bottom of the baking dish. The dough probably won’t completely cover the bottom of the dish, but don’t stress. - Drizzle about 1 cup of pizza sauce over the dough. Arrange 1/2 of the pepperoni slices (and any additional toppings you’d like) evenly over the sauce. Top with a handful of cheese. - Repeat layers with remaining dough, pizza sauce, pepperoni and cheese. - Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cut into squares and serve with leftover keg beer. If you’re being super smart you’ll make one of these puppies while you’re pre-gaming, so when you get home from the bar you’ll have your pizza in less time then calling the stoned pizza man. You’re welcome for all the love your roommates will give you.
NOMNOMNOMNOM THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS The Makers of
: D A D O T C O
H C T A C T S E I L DAD By: Quinn
The Black Sheep: You’re bringing comedy to a new medium in video games. Was your initiative from the beginning to make a game as wacky and slapstick as it is challenging, or did that come together with Octodad? Phil Tibitoski: Really, we were just trying to make something new and weird – something that hasn’t been done before. A lot of us had only really just met each other on the first game, so a lot of it was just finding out that we’re all --at least we think-- pretty funny and weird people. And so the humor just came out through there, and choosing Octodad as the project to go for was obvious because we’re all pretty funny, and we figured we’d have fun working on it. TBS: So how did the idea of controlling an octopus who’s trying to play off being a human come up? Phil: The original idea behind Octodad as a concept is a meld of Being John Malkovich — being in someone’s head and controlling them, in really small, weird movements, kind of micromanaging — and a game called Jurassic Park Trespasser, which is this first person Jurassic Park-themed game where you have a lot control over the character’s arm, and it’s all physics based, but it just ended up being this hilarious disaster rather than a cool feature. So we took those two ideas and combined them. Originally you were an alien or an octopus inside an android’s head, but from there we spit around ideas and thought “Why don’t we just put the octopus in a suit?” because it would be funnier and more weird. And we all just ran with that with “Well what if he has a family, and since they don’t know he’s an octopus he has to act like a normal human, trying to keep from revealing himself to them and the rest of the world?” TBS: How did you create a control scheme that would both work and fit the awkward sloppin’ around of Octodad? Phil: We prototyped a bunch of different ways to do it — whether he just dragged his feet around or mimicked how an octopus would actually walk on land. Eventually we found a way for each that allowed for full free movement. You only raise or lower the arms when you want them to, and then for the legs it’s like a marionette where you hold his leg and move it to a position then when you release it drops. So when we figured out how to do both upper and lower body, we decided to make it into more of an adventure or story game. TBS: Testing the game had to be infinitely more frustrating than
playing the perfected version, how many times did someone have to go like, take a walk? Phil: There was one time our advisor was playing through an early vertical slice of the game, and by the time he was done it took him 45 minutes — something that took us like a few minutes. And we were like “Yay, you won!” because there wasn’t really an ending, but he was like “No. I’ve lost. I’ve lost 45 minutes of my life.” So we went through a lot of iterations as to what feels good or is too frustrating, or not frustrating enough. If you play a first person shooter or whatever, you can then go and play any version of those games and get the gist on how to run around and play. With our game everyone starts from square one and has to learn themselves. With Octodad: Dadliest Catch we did a good job of doing that within the first 2 minutes, and after that everyone pretty much gets it. TBS: Being a physics-based game where basically anything in a
room can be knocked around, were there any points where you stopped and thought “Oh shit, we’re in over our heads here”? Phil: That happens pretty much everyday, where one of us will be like “Oh God what have we done? What are we doing here?” Especially because it’s kind of a big thing for us to go after for our first commercial game — wholly 3D, physics-based puzzle-adventure action-ish game. But that’s also why it’s taken us a couple years to get where it’s at now. And we still have some problems from time to time, but really with this sort of game it ends up being more in our favor than anything, because it’s usually a funny thing that happens if anything does go awry. TBS: What’s new in Octodad: Dadliest Catch? Phil: Well, in the first game you were confined to his house, but in Octodad: Dadliest Catch you actually venture out into the world, like an aquarium or a grocery store, and you’re more involved with people in the public rather than just your family. Your family is a lot easier on you in understanding how weird you are, but the public isn’t as forgiving, so the suspicion this time around is much more brutal in getting to your level or completing the tasks you set out to do. So if you’re in the grocery store and you knock over a whole shelf of cereal and there are people watching you your suspicion levels will raise more than if you were at home and bowl over your wife’s flowers, and the circumstances are much more dire. We also have a full story. The first game’s story was done in the last two weeks of development just to tie the levels together and make sense of the game — whereas this one we have fully animated 3D cut scenes in the game, among other things. The production value has gone way up and the controls, although you control him in the same way, are a lot smoother now. It’s just as weird and awkward as it was before, but we got rid of a lot of bugs.
We chatted with Phil Tibitoski, President and CEO of Young Horses, the award-winning indie game designers behind Octodad and the upcoming Octodad: Dadliest Catch. In the Octodad video game, one sloppily attempts to control an octopus who’s posing as a man. Check out more at OctodadGame.com, and follow the designers @YoungHorses on Twitter.
TBS: Does he get any closer to completing his “Important Mission”? Phil: Yeah, we better explain Octodad’s priorities, and why he’s doing what he’s doing… where he comes from and how he came to the position he’s in. But there’s still a lot of mystery left up to the fans to try to think of how the hell this happened, because we think it’s funny to hear people’s interpretations.
DRINKIN’ SNOWMEN
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