The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 2 8/30/12 -9/5/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepusc
Bros Disagree, Nothing Happens cody wrote this COLUMBIA, SC Saturday, two bros were spotted in their natural habitat, a local bar. The bros were performing their habitual mating techniques on several “sorostitutes,” when the two began to clash on the streets of Five Points. According to several reports, the clash started when both bros were attempting to “get it in” on the same freshman female. Several insults were exchanged between the two, followed by some very intense pushing, shoving, and pointing. Eventually, middle fingers were exchanged before they suddenly stopped the altercation and went their separate ways. Sources don’t know why exactly the fight ended so suddenly, but The Black Sheep believes that the two of them were, in fact, sackless d-bags. Witnesses at the scene reported seeing signs of “fronting” and “douchebaggery” before the heated confrontation began. Another witness reported hearing a tirade of profanity that would have escalated into a physical altercation in most circumstances. In any normal situation the night’s events would have ended in a clash, but thankfully the two parties involved were just “dudes being dudes.” The self-described “brotha’ froma’ notha’ motha’” recalled that “If I’da been ona dem foos I’da beat they odda’s face in wit a nine iron.” While the witnesses’ affinity for golf remains unconfirmed, it is clear that if the two bros were “real” rather than “pretty-boy bitches,” a real ass-beating would have ensued. After several repeated hyperbolic, but inconsequential verbal exchanges, the bros departed to “go smoke sticky buds.” While the origin of the bros’ remains unconfirmed, we do have reports that they were both from the bro-center of America, Northern Virginia. Better known as “NoVa,” Northern Virginia has long been a major bro hub. Filled with lacrosse players, white basketball players, and a good bit of stoners, “NoVa” is a melting pot of bros. With approximately 7 million bros being sent out to college from NoVa each year, USC is not the first school to experience such a rash in bro-ness. Many around the country have dubbed these brave NoVa college students as “Bro-mads.” Bro migration has increased in the past several years. Researchers are still trying to find the exact reason for the increased bro spread, especially into schools in the Southeast United States. One bro, when asked for comment, explained, “the South rages the hardest, that’s why so many bros come down here. The girls are hot and the parties are huge. Simple as that. I got bros from back in NoVa that go to Alabama, Auburn, and Ole Miss, too.” This incident highlights the problems with bro activity South Carolina has had in recent months. The Woodland’s pool was crushed,
5 Places to Have Sex on Campus It’s never too late to start your bucket list.
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just this last weekend by “an epic rager.” We at The Black Sheep would like to warn our readers about bros in Five Points. Some helpful advice to avoid bros: -Stay in a group: Bros are less likely to confront a group of males traveling together, while a group of girls provides a catty herd defense against unwanted brosexual advances. -Don’t laugh at their jokes: Bros gain power when acknowledged by a non-bro. This easy-excitable sub-culture has been known to elicit laughter by re-telling jokes they saw while watching stand-up comedy in class.
what’s inside
Secret Rush Party Levels Greek Village
-Do NOT mention you like to smoke weed sometimes; unless you want to be kidnapped and forced to hit the bros bong. -Avoid starting chants at all costs: A chant will cause bros will swarm the immediate vicinity. This will lead to a sudden outbreak of bro-on-bro violence. Authorities warn that this most recent incident of bro violence will almost certainly not be the last. Concerned college students may contact the Bro Crisis Hotline at 1-800-BRO-NONO.
That freshman kid: the try hard rushee
can we collectively blame it on the lion?
awwww and he still wears his lanyard!
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contents page 5: party pics & from the streets
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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ya’ll are crazy, and we love it.
page 6: Honors Dorm to Consolidate Fire Alarms Into Around-The-Clock Alarm
Table of
And you guys thought dubstep was bad.
page 7: the top ten
SEC schools to hate - apparently, they don’t all suck equally.
page 11: The black sheep interviews Electronic DJ Dan Deacon.
page 12: Bartender of the Week
Jay from Pavlov’s would love to make you an irish car bomb.
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page three d a o l n w o D heep Mobile App S The Black ! e e r f y l e m o s e w a o s s ’ it
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Obviously #17 Party School Was an Understatement... (Want to be humiliated next week? Awesome.)
Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
Waif Lost Try Caned Pore Row
Do you know who these hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
last week’s answers Amanda Bynes & Tom Cruise
word of the week Highjack:
To steal while under the influence of marijuana. “The fifteen-year-old quit Taco Bell after his manager berated him over letting some stoner highjack Baja Blast Mountain Dew with a water cup.”
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the Top Five Places to Have Sex Around Campus mel wrote this South Carolina’s campus is blessed with some of the best looking people in America. The school may be ranked the seventeenth best party school in the nation, but let’s not underestimate ourselves; we deserve a top-five spot. Here at The Black Sheep we believe in USC’s potential to be one of the wildest places to get an education in America. We also believe that sex in exotic locations is good for the soul and can help reduce exam stress, or some bullshit like that. Here’s our list of the top five places to make love on our beautiful campus: 1) The Horseshoe: What could be more enjoyable (or romantic) then spooning in the sunlight or shagging under the stars? Although it has recently come to our attention that public fornication of all varieties is presently illegal, the sensation of screwing in the wind is damn nearly compelling enough to justify the risk. What’s a freer feeling than banging in the woods? Or near a tree, at least? The Horseshoe is the closest thing we have to nature, so take advantage. Climb a tree and get busy, or maybe get some on a bench behind a bush, make up a weird position involving the University President’s house. The possibilities around the Horseshoe are endless, so get creative. 2) Williams-Brice Stadium: Football games are a feast for the eyes. Scantily-clad sorostitutes sipping mimosas in the fairgrounds. Big-breasted cheerleaders enhancing Carolina spirit (among other things). If you’re lucky, you might even run into a wet t-shirt contest at the Loose Cockaboose. What better way to show your Carolina spirit by getting your Gamecock wet at the tailgate? If you really want to be a boner ninja, sneak into the stadium late at night and screw with the spirit of a Game-
cock right on the fifty yard line! It’s been done, so don’t get discouraged. Whether you are in the back of a pickup truck, a lonely little port-a-john, on a frat couch, or in a tent brought just in case, when the mood is right - before, during or after the game - the Cocks always win when you get laid. 3) McMaster: It has long been accepted that sex is an art form. That being the case, what location could be more fantastically suited for screwing in all fifty shades of grey than the art building? If you’re into more modern displays of affection, don’t hesitate to craft coitus in the center of the hallway. Don’t worry! If someone asks you what you are doing, or why you are doing it, politely explain to them that your newfound hobby is a critique of arbitrary ethics, performed to challenge the arbitrary morals of American bourgeoisie culture. Duh. 4) Your Dorm Room: Your dorm room may be the most unequivocally chill place for you and your bang buddy to mate. Although the accommodations may be dilapidated (if you live in Columbia Hall, Capstone or Bates West), your roommate may be packing (if you live in Maxcy), or you are just generally surrounded by hipsters, nerds, and wanna-be cool kids. Barring a second amendment-supporting-roommate or an oppressive resident mentor, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend can ball hard without the possible inconvenience of being interrupted. What’s a more dangerous feeling than smashing on a bunk bed? 5) The Bathroom at Pavlov’s: When you’re in Five Points, and you’ve been drinking, and you’re horny, there is no reason to wait until you get home. We all understand that anything that
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happens in Five Points can’t be held against you, unless it’s a drinking ticket. They’ll hold you to that shit. The cops outside probably wouldn’t appreciate you and your sex puppet getting down on Pavlov’s porch, but bathrooms were made for sweaty, drunken love. And remember, no self-respecting girl goes to a bar like Pav’s unless she’s trying to get laid. Don’t lie to yourselves ladies. In four short years you are going to graduate from this blessed place, and all you will have is memories. Don’t you want to come back some day, point to port-o-john behind Williams-Brice Stadium, and tell little Jimmy that’s where he was conceived? He will respect you as a man, much more if you told him he was soberly conceived doing missionary in a sterile, white-walled hotel room.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
“What’s your biggest fear this school year?” “Losing my job, I already missed my first day of work.” - Donovan
“Sleeping through class!” - Claire
“Wetting the bed when my roommate’s home.” - Frank
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
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Honors Dorm to Consolidate Fire Alarms into Around-the-Clock Alarm
theblacksheeponline.com
usc staff wrote this In what is being hailed as a revolutionary new technique in fire safety and prevention, the USC Honors Dorm announced yesterday that it will be combining the eighty-seven fire alarms tests throughout each semester into one continuous alarm test. This new test will be active twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. “The primary trend in housing surveys administered to former residents was a general dislike of the high number of fire alarms set off, so we wanted to do something to make the test seem less confusing to the students,” said USC spokesperson in a press release. “However, it is the opinion of the Housing Department that the university’s best and brightest still need a “shit-ton” of alarms during any one semester in order to remember the proper procedure. We just weren’t comfortable with reducing the number of drills in case someone forgot this basic tenant of personal safety that has been taught since early childhood. We have decided that the best solution, one that doesn’t compromise the safety of the residents, is to simply consolidate the alarms into one everlasting alarm that is a constant reminder of what to do in case of a fire.” Reaction to the new policy has been mixed, with several incoming freshmen noting the potential benefits, like the
elimination of possibly oversleeping for a class, due to the fact that there will now be no sleeping. One incoming student, who wished to remain nameless, was very happy with the change. “This is a great move by USC. I have always been extremely safety-conscious, and the change will help make sure that I never underestimate the possibility of a fire while I’m anywhere within five hundred yards of my dorm. I really just don’t think 18 years of living has been enough to teach me what to do in the case of rapid oxidation of a combustible source. Thankfully, the Honor Dorm knows best.” When asked about how it has affected his sleeping, to which he responded “What? Sorry I can’t hear you. I have to constantly wear these ear plugs now so I can get some sleep!” Parents, too, have generally been in favor of the idea. While several have noted that they will be worried about ill effects on their children’s hearing, they also note that this is more than made up for by the constant awareness of a potential fire. The Housing Department has said that it is now considering keeping the alarm active even during school breaks, just
to reinforce to the surrounding area that fire is hot and can burn stuff. In fact, depending on how the fall semester goes, the university is also considering expanding the policy to every dorm and classroom on campus. A university spokesman was quoted saying, “I just think fire is really dangerous and scary, I won’t sleep until I know every USC knows about fire.” We wondered how students would know when to evacuate the building in case of an actual fire, but the Housing Department suddenly could not be reached for comment.
The Top ten
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
SEC Schools to Hate It’s more fun to hate on something than to like it. We all know it’s true—everyone loves hating things. This is especially true in college football, and more specifically, SEC football, where everyone is everyone’s rival and everyone calls everyone a redneck, because everyone is a redneck. However, thinking of reasons to hate other teams can be time-consuming. With that in mind, here is a guide on the top ten easiest SEC schools to hate. 10. Ole Miss: Drop the “Ole,” please. I know it makes you feel grand and southern, but that doesn’t change the fact you were everyone’s safety school. 9. Texas A&M: There is nothing wrong with male cheerleaders. There is something wrong with EXCLUSIVELY male cheerleaders. You can’t hide it by calling them “yell leaders,” either. We all know there should be scantily-clad co-eds in that fountain, not five dudes in white jumpers. 8. Mississippi State: Cowbells, huh? Well, that’s number two on the list of reasons not to go to Starkville, right after the crippling meth epidemic.
Secret Rush Party Levels Greek Village cody wrote this The only things missing after this fire-ridden escapade from the Greek Village are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The scene around campus is reminiscent of Baghdad and Vietnam combined. Devastation and chaos erupted throughout the city of Columbia on Thursday night in the aftermath of a fraternity rush party gone either terribly wrong or amazingly right. According to a source close to the planners, the party began as a private gathering for around twenty rush hopefuls. Based on eyewitness accounts, however, news of the party leaked enough to include every single fraternity at USC, several sororities, all the residents of South Quad, popular comedian and native South Carolinian Aziz Ansari, and, unexplainably, the entire Biology Department staff. The damage is devastating. According to police reports, the party escalated from a simple matter of “fratty raging” into a full-blown streak of vandalism, destruction, and general mayhem, leaving the Greek Village akin to any and every warzone ever. The Horseshoe has been littered with toilet paper and condom wrappers, and Strom has been decimated by the “gnarly rager.” Police have a vague idea of the timeline of events, pieced together by the path of devastation left through the city. With most all of the believed partygoers either unconscious or still missing, it is currently impossible to know exactly how the night progressed. Details should become clear after the necessary stomach pumps and search parties are conducted. Until such time, law enforcement and school officials will be kept busy attending to the many hotspots of mayhem caused by the party.
The first order of business will be finding new places for the fraternity and sorority students to live, as the smoldering ruins of the former Greek Village will hardly be hospitable dwellings anymore, even after the smoke clears. School administrators also are concerned with finding out the exact individual responsible for spray-painting “Turd Ferguson” on the side of several campus buildings. Sources say the student found responsible will be suspended for the lack of creativity. Meanwhile, police officers will be working in tandem with employees at Riverbanks Zoo in an attempt to locate and return the pack of lions set loose in the city. Security footage shows several overly ambitious biology students attempting to fit saddles on the large felines before guiding them out of the zoo grounds in the direction of the USC campus. The remains of several bloody fingers were found near the zoo exit, and police are therefore assuring citizens of Columbia that the lions are now well fed and should not be a threat to attack humans for a few days. It is unknown whether any of the fraternities will grant automatic admission to the original group of partiers simply for the sheer scale of their debauchery. Most of the rushes, however, have been reported missing. Students are encouraged to come forward with any knowledge they may have about the party, as President Pastides would like to know who put an orangutan in his bathroom. The primate will be given to the student who provides the best information on last night’s events. All we can do now, as a community, is hope for a safe return of the rushes, a swift recovery of the Greek Village, and a heads-up as to when this might happen again.
7. Arkansas: The state of Arkansas is most famously known as the pair of pants on the man who lives beside the Mississippi River. This is a role they fill well and they should be happy they’re given that much. 6. LSU: These people only emerge from their swamp to watch LSU play. I’m thankful I only have to hear about them on game days every fall. Oh wait, I forgot Swamp People was on History Channel EVERY WAKING SECOND OF MY LIFE. History Channel, could you stop playing Swamp People every time I turn on the TV? A documentary on the bubonic plague would be less depressing. 5. Tennessee: Score a touchdown. PLAY “ROCKY TOP!” Get sacked. PLAY “ROCKY TOP!” Wear jerseys the color of a Dreamsicle. PLAY “ROCKY TOP!” Dwell in mediocrity for the past ten years and probably the rest of your miserable existence. PLAY “ROCKY TOP!” Play “Rocky Top” again. SHOOT MYSELF! 4. Auburn: Everyone else grew out of throwing toilet paper at trees in high school. More than one of you can drive and you can buy beer now. Act like real people, please. 3. Georgia: The number six team in the nation won’t be that way for long. These Bulldogs start each year as media darlings, only to end up in the doghouse at year’s end. Enjoy a trip to the Chick-fil-A Bowl. 2. Florida: What is there to say about Florida that hasn’t already been said? Nothing in particular. Everyone knows they love jean shorts and Tebow. Thankfully, that’s all they have now since they’re terrible again. 1. Alabama: There was like, one Alabama fan pre-Nick Saban. They’ve infested the world like cockroaches, and they aren’t going anywhere. “Roll Tide Roll” is also, frankly, gibberish. If someone showed up at sporting event and yelled “FART GNARLY FART” it would mean exactly the same thing, which is nothing. 100,000 of these bumpkins get a pass on their version. I guess you’re afforded that opportunity when you’re with 100,000 people as stupid as you are. Traditions are dumb.
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The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Back
P
orch
Every Day Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
THURS 8/30
Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
FRI. 8/31
Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
SAT. 9/01
Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
Whiskey Wednesday! $2 Bourbon Free games with Drinks!
EVERY DAY! $2 Vodka & Bourbon 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports 20 Different $5 Shots!
Tweet for Treat (specials list) Live DJ: 5 Points Largest Dance Party
game day with dj ddl! free food during the game! $2.50 Miller Lite, $4 Goldschlager $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
Freaky Friday with Live DJ
Mix Masterson - Your Lucky Hour! $4 Goldschlager $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
SEC Saturday
Dell Castillo - Your Lucky Hour! $2 Vodka & Bourbon 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
SUN. 9/02
Closed
NFL Package!
$1.50 House Liquor, $5 Grandma $5 Rumplemintz $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
MON. 9/03
Wine Night! $3 Glasses of Wine All Night Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
$1 Wells NFL Monday Night Football
$2 Ultra & Blue Moon, $4 Fire Ball $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
TUES. 9/04
Taco Tuesday! $5 Taco Basket Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
Tuesday Boozeday! $2 Domestic
$2.50 Yuengling, $2 Tequila, $3 Virgil Kaine $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
WED. 9/05
Corn Hole Tournament @ 8:30 PM Winner Gets $30 Bar Tab Happy Hour! 4:30 - 7:30 pm: $2.50 Can Beer, $4 Wine, $3 House Liquor
Whiskey Wednesday! $2 Bourbon Free games with Drinks!
$2.50 Mich. Ultra, $3 Wine, $4 Fireball $2 Vodka & Bourbon | 20 Different $5 Shots! 7-10pm: $2 Domestic Beer, $3 Imports
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Rockaway Wednesdays BINGO! $5 All You Can Drink Tallboys, $1 Busch Light
tuesday & Friday Oyster Bar! $2.50 Vodka and Bourbon and $0.50 Oysters
Every Friday: $2 PBR Every Saturday: $1 Highlife
EVERYNIGHT! $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
SPECIAL NIGHT
Pint Night! $2.50 All Pints $5 All You Can Drink Tall Boys $1 Busch Light
Pint Night! $1.25 Domestic and $2.00 Imports
$1 Rolling Rocks
1/2 off Sangria Night $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
THURS.
$1 Busch Light $7.50 All You Can Drink Tall Boys $2 Corona and Corona Light
Oyster Bar! $2.50 Vodka and Bourbon and $0.50 Oysters
$2 PBR
$2 House Liquor $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
FRI.
$1 Busch Light $7.50 All You Can Drink Tallboys $3 Import / Craft Bottles
Music Trivia at 10:00 pm
$1 HIGHLIFE
$2 House Liquor $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
SAT.
Closed
Crablegs - 3 Clusters for $12.50
Closed
Closed
SUN.
Service Industry Night - 50% off! (Excludes house liquor, $1 Beers and Tallboys) $1 Busch Light Every Day!
Shrimp Special! Fried or Boiled for $0.30 Oysters for $0.50
Open Mic | 50% off!
College Night! $1 Margaritas and $1 Bud Light 20% off of your dinner with a student ID $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
MON.
Oyster Bar! $2.50 Vodka and Bourbon and $0.50 Oysters
$2 Drink Special
Service Industry Night! $1 Margaritas and $1 Bud Light 20% off of dinner with a paystub $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
TUES.
Trivia at 9:00 pm
Hawaiian Wednesday! King Kahina Burgers
$2 Corona Night $2 Margaritas, Bud Light, and Tequila Shots
WED.
$2 House Liquor, $2 Tall Boys $3 Van Gogh Vodka $1 Busch Light
BINGO! $5 All You Can Drink Tallboys, $1 Busch Light
the interview
Dan Deacon
Ask someone what they first think of when Baltimore comes to mind, and often the response will be one of two things: Crime or The Wire. Well, there’s also Dan Deacon, people. Part of the vibrant Wham City Collective, Deacon’s brand of music is as weird as it is catchy. His latest album, America, drops August 27th. Be patriotic and cop that shit. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: I’m not as interested in how you started playing music, but when did it hit you that this is something you wanted to do for a living? Dan Deacon: Actually, I think the “this is it” moment came in three parts. When I was young and I first heard the trombone, I knew at that moment I was really interested in music. The second step toward my life in music occurred when I first started using MIDI files (Editor’s Note: these are used in making music on a computer.), it showed me how much one could actually toy with sounds, and those sounds became music. It wasn’t until my first tour that I was sure that this was what I wanted to do for a living. I wrapped up a tour and realized that I got paid a little bit of money to play music in parts of the world I didn’t think I was going to see. TBS: Your live shows are notoriously awesome. Do you plan ahead for them, or is it all spontaneous? Dan: When I’m playing a live show, a lot of what happens really is playing off the crowd’s energy. I’ll try to introduce one or two new ideas on each tour, but a lot of what happens are spontaneous reactions to the crowd’s energy. Like, if the crowd is going crazy, I’m having a great time up there. If the crowd doesn’t seem like it’s having a good time, I take it in one of two directions, either I’ll try harder to try to win them over, or it’ll be like, “f*ck ‘em, I’m doing this anyway.” TBS: So what’s it like playing in front of a crowd that’s not into it? Dan: Oh, I mean, that rarely happens. I’d say nine out of ten times the crowd is really into it. I mean, really, I can’t even remember the last time I played a show and the crowd wasn’t having a good time. Even then, when I say, “f*ck ‘em,” it’s more, “I’m going to put on the best show I can, regardless of what they may think about it.” TBS: Over the past few years electronic music has really came on the scene, though it’s music that’s very different from the stuff that you do. Does that excite you? Make you wary? Dan: I’ll just be happy when it’s not considered electronic music anymore. I may not be really into a lot of what people consider electronic music, but I’m really interested in the way artists are able to create sounds that we’ve never seen in music before. Even more than that, many “electronic” musicians add non-electronic elements to their music. What I don’t want to see is us going backward- music that sounds like music that was popular in the eighties and the nineties. TBS: When you started to introduce elements like strings into your music again, was that difficult? Was there a learning curve? Dan: Well, when I started working with acoustic instruments again, it was challenging. I was rusty, having not used them in so long. Creating music isn’t like riding a bike—you don’t just pick it back up right away; it’s like speaking a language, if you don’t practice regularly, then you lose those skills. When I picked up some of the compositions that I had written when I was in college I was sitting there wondering how I had put them together back then. TBS: What the f*ck is “Crystal Cat” about? Dan: [Laughs] I’ve never heard anyone ask that before. Well, on “Crystal Cat” I took the instrumental part of the song and I just started making nonsense noises that fit with how the song was progressing. After that, I worked on turning those noises into words, which fit with the music. TBS: Watermelon or cantaloupe? Dan: I guess it would depend on the situation that I’m in, but nine times out of ten I’m going to choose the watermelon. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what animal would you choose? Dan: A dragon. TBS: What is one thing you want to see or do before you die? Dan: I’m not sure. Nothing.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
Animal collective - Centipede hz out september 4
Experimental psycho geniuses Animal Collective are out with their latest record Centipede HZ. This, their sixth studio album is less ambient, and more “live-band” rock, but with still all the screams and sounds that we’ve come to know and love from these Baltimore natives.
cat power - sun out september 4
Cat Power aka Chan Marshall’s latest album Sun is her first alloriginal album in six years and, dammit, we know it’ll be worth the wait. The elusive singer has jumped many hurdles to get to this point, including declaring bankruptcy and a stint in the hospital. She’s a total badass though, and we’re glad to see her back. Check out her latest single, “Cherokee.”
Breaking Bad - Season 5, part 1 finale Sunday, september 2 @ 10pm EST
Walt (Bryan Cranston) is becoming more and more desperate to stay in the meth business and having an even harder time convincing Jesse (Aaron Paul) to stay aboard. We’re curious to see how part 1 of Season 5 is going to end, and already anxious for Summer 2013 to come so we can see if Walt will finally get caught - and if Skyler will ever stop crying.
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theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week jay c. pavlov’s What is your personal favorite shot to mix up for customers?: The Irish Car Bomb is definitely the best. Gets the customer the most bang for their buck, if you know what I mean.
the way from the bar to the parking lot.
How long have you worked at Pavlov’s?: Almost a year to the day.
What’s the best part about being a bartender at Pavlov’s?: The people you meet here. Before I started here I mostly just went to metal bars. I thought Pav’s would have a very specific crowd and I would never meet anyone interesting. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve met some interesting and fun people while working here. You never know what you’re going to get from the crowd.
Can we find you at any other bars besides Pavlov’s?: Nope, it’s my one and only.
What’s your favorite story to tell from working here this past year?: Ha! One time I walked in the front door and saw a guy getting dome right in the middle of the dance floor. The other story happened a couple months ago when the security guard was attempting to pepper spray two guys fighting. The security guard whiffed and covered one of our bouncers in pepper spray. He ran around the parking lot then poured a milkshake all over his face to make his eyes feel better, I guess? Definitely the funniest moment since I’ve been here. Ever see any crazy fights while at the bar?: Yes! I got a concussion once because of these two exfootball players started a huge fight that went all
the drinking game Flip Cup Bananagrams Whether you like it or not, school is here. Since you’ve drank yourself silly this summer and need a little brain boost, here’s a way to wipe those cobwebs from your noggin and get Tipsy Russell at the same time. What You’ll Need: 50 cups, beer, Bananagrams or Scrabble letter tiles, and vodka. Number of Players: No more than five. Good thing you don’t have many friends. Level of Intoxication: Pukin’ in the banana bag. How to Play: - Set up 50 cups on a table. - Fill 35 with beer and 15 with vodka. Make sure the vodka cups are randomly dispersed among the beer cups. - Give every player 15 Bananagram pieces, face down. - All players must flip their pieces over at the same time. - Players individually begin creating words in a crossword-like fashion. - Players may trade letters with their opponents. - When a player uses all of her letters, he or she says “Peel!” and every player must choose one cup and flip it on the table. - If the cup doesn’t land facedown, that player must toss back another cup. This continues until a player successfully lands a cup upside down. - If a player has letters that are impossible to place in their crossword, that player can call out “Dump!” and exchange the letter for more letters depending on how many cups he or she drinks (for example, if the player drinks two cups, he or she can take two new letters). - Once someone uses all of their letters, they say “Bananagrams!” and every other player must take a shot. The Game Ends When: Someone gets “Bananagrams!” Refill all cups and start over.
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Please explain to the readers who Ronny and Donny are. Where have they been the past year?: Well, rumor has it that they are escaped clowns from the circus who just started living in Columbia after they got away years ago. They do all sorts of odd jobs for bars around here. I haven’t seen them in about a year. Basically they are just a couple of insane midgets.
Recipe for Disaster
S’mores Puppy Chow S’mores-flavored puppy chow, need we say more? Get s’more deliciousness without the pain-in-the-ass task of building, maintaining and extinguishing a bonfire. Where can one build a roaring campfire on a college campus, anyway? This grub is so delicious you might need a clean pair of pants afterwards. You’re welcome. What You’ll Need: Golden Grahams, chocolate chips, and mini-marshmallows. Cook Time: 30 minutes. Fatty Factor: Your stomach won’t grow outward, your teeth will just cave in. They’re totally worth it, though. Let’s Get Baked: - Microwave the chocolate chips in a bowl until fully melted. Don’t burn ‘em or it’ll stink up your apartment. - Stir the chocolate until all the lumps and bubbles are gone. - Pour your Golden Grahams into a bowl. - Slowly pour chocolate all over your cereal. - Mix the cereal until all pieces are covered in chocolate. Add a little more if you’re feeling generous. - Take the mini marshmallows and mix them into your chocolate-covered cereal. - Put your final product in the freezer until the chocolate has hardened. Taste just one handful of this and we promise you’ll never make an old, boring s’more again.
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That Freshman Kid: The Try Hard Rushee usc staff wrote this As Columbia is flooded with fresh-faced freshmen, and with fraternity rush starting next week, The Black Sheep has found our precious campus filled with a brand new group of wannabe frat stars aching for a bid… any bid, please? There is nothing worse than the ultimate try hard rushees. These are the freshmen who come to Columbia desperately trying to join a frat, as long as it’s totally “top tier.” These eager little beavers can’t wait to impress some dudes with the brand new fratty threads they had their mom buy a week before they got here. The douchers continuously rock Vineyard Vines when they have never sailed a boat in their life, and “professional fishing gear” to impress his new “brothers” with his awesome fishing skillz. Oh, and who could for get the ever-present Sperry that will never leave their young little feet? Despite their enthusiasm towards the rush process, most of rush is an awkward time for everyone, especially for the try-hards. A try-hard freshman is never hard to spot. These wannabes will do anything to prove to all their cool new friends that they get wrecked and are always totally down for anything. They start telling stories of crazy high school times when they had a sick rager on a school night, and banged out two grams of weed with ten of their friends
one time in like 100 blunts! It’s hard for these kids to realize that no matter what story they tell about high school, they will never be worth a conversation. Expect a try-hard to be wearing any and every cliché Southern Tide, Southern Proper, Southern Who-gives-af*ck-it-says-Southern-on-it button-down. They think going into a party with some sort of fish on their shirt will make them look awesome and ready to party. And who could forget the visor they’ll undoubtedly bring with them at night? Thank god they can get some shade while they take a keg stand. The classic try-hards aren’t your typical solo rushers out to finally find people who like them. These groups have a strict “ride or die” policy with their boys: “If one of us doesn’t get a bid, none of us get a bid!” There must be some sort of verbal contract between these kids to never talk to another person at the party without the other three behind him. Expect these kids to be in a circle watching other people play drinking games, or conversing with the classic blacked-out brother that has finally found someone who will listen to his gibberish. At rush events these tight-knit groups will never leave each other’s sides, under any circumstance. Every one of them
will be wearing a lighter shade of pastel than the next. None of them will be able to explain why they want to join a fraternity in the first place, only that they’d love a group discount on bids. Needless to say, if you can’t separate yourself from your friends, you will never make new ones.
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the riddle
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the classtime
messing with mixies crossword
Across
3) This dessert may get you falling. 5) UTI cure, sort of? 8) Bubbly Vitamin C. 9) A biblical reference. 10) Poor man’s mimosa. 11) Shaken, not stirred. 14) An odd mixture and a college staple. 16) A tool we all should have. 18) A borough of New York. 19) Readers of this magazine probably also enjoy these. 20) A punch with vino. 21) Very European, very trippy.
6) A drink for The Dude. 7) Very muddled. 10) A fairly legitimate meal. 12) Drink this then shout “Slainte!” 13) Fun, but sandy. 15) If you like this, and getting caught in the rain. 17) Lindsay Lohan’s birthplace, and probably drink of choice.
Down
1) Ichi... ni... san! 2) Katrina, that bitch. 4) It’s not Taco Tuesday without these.
Answers
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Adam’s University Bookstore 5 Points Pub Back Porch Bey’s The Big Ugly Blue Tile Skateboards Breakers Cantina 76 Carolina Cafe CJ’s College Grounds Cafe Cycle Center
D’s Wings Dano’s Pizza Flying Saucer Garnet River Walk Granby Groucho’s Hawg Scooters Jake’s Bar and Grill Kellys Deli and Pub The Library The Lofts Lucky’s Mellow Mushroon
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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the classtime madlib: 1st day of freshman year I’m just reading over my ___1___ entry from yesterday, where I live-blogged my first day of college. Holy ___2___, I am awesome: 8 am: Okay, so I’m getting ready for my first “class” lol. This to-go coffee mug is so perfect for ___3___ and ___4___. Plus I’ll look so ___5___ around the guys. I hope some are wearing ___6___! 10:20 am: Thaaaat was boring. Skipping ___7___ because I don’t even know what I want to be yet. I’m thinking I could be the next ___8___ because I’m so emotional and creative. Hopefully my roommate is back, she’s from ___9___ but I can tell she’s got a wild side to her, like that bitch ___10___. Maybe she’ll want to rip the ___11___ and go H.A.M. in the caf. 11:30 am: WOW what a ___12___! She said she won’t smoke yet because she usually waits until right before dinner. I wonder if everything is okay? I found her fifth of ___13___ and I’m just going to have a sip.
11:55am: I just Googled hiccup cure. :/ 1:30 pm: So I went to the Caf by myself and spilled a tray of ___14___ all over this cute dark-skinned boy. I said “___15___, you ain’t trippin’, I am trippin.’” Everyone laughed at me! Maybe I’ll be the next Chelsea Handler? 2pm: I just ordered an extra-large, double ___16___ pizza, about to carry it down the hall to make some drinkin’ buddies. 4:35 PM: OH MY GOSH I just got this sophomore to buy me alcohol, but she insisted on a 6-pack of ___17___ instead of the 30 rack I hoped for. She goes, “You don’t want to end up like ___18____.” I was kind of offended, but I took them anyway. 9:30 pm: Wow, I’ve never had a nap like that before! Feels like I’ve been on ___20___ for like three years. I went to the bathroom and saw I had vomit on my ___21____ so that’s cool. Met some girls bonging ___22___ in the bathroom, so I think I’m going to meet up with them now. College is awesome!
It’s a Semester of
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