MSU March 30, 2011 by The Black Sheep

DOWNLOAD OUR NEW IPHONE AND ANDROID APPS AND GET SPECIAL MESSAGES AND OFFERS!

The Black Sheep “A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College...”

FREE...like placing that giant barrel of water next to your roommate’s door...

theblacksheeponline.com Week of March 30, 2011 | Volume 4 Issue 11

Other stuff

Inside 04

Am I the only one?

April Fool’s Day is for the Foolish

That guy at Panchero’s is weird and creepy to you too, right?

Frank Sorise wrote this

Signs Spring is here:

Rebecca Black:

Well, it might be here. Maybe. Kind of.

That silly broad makes Justin Bieber look legitimate.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 11...

on’t get me wrong, I’m all for making jokes and messing with people. Probably more so than most people, but when asked about April Fool’s Day and my opinion on it, only one word can accurately describe this day: Stupidasfuck. Everything about this day from its name, to the intellectually barren things people do on this day, and most importantly, the holiday’s origin(s). Many of you will read this opening paragraph and not agree with me and that’s fine. You will probably think to yourself, “How can someone who writes for a COMEDIC newspaper, hate on a COMEDIC holiday? You can make funny jokes on this day, Frank!” Shut up, and read on. According to the most credible information website in the world, Wikipedia.org, April Fool’s Day originated from like 2 or 3 different things. Seriously. Origin 1. On Wikipedia, it says “In Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales (1392), the ‘Nun’s Priest’s Tale’ is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two. Chaucer probably meant 32 days after March, i.e. 2nd of May, the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. However, readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean ‘32nd of March,’ i.e. 1st April. In Chaucer’s tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox.” ...Oh. So that’s why I put shaving cream on my roommate’s balls today? This makes no sense. It even says Chaucer probably meant 32 days after March. Probably? What if we did probably for other holidays? Like “Jesus probably died for all of your sins and rose

from the dead, probably to save the universe’s salvation or something, but I don’t actually know for sure.” Whether the Jesus thing actually happened is always a questionable debate between religious aficionados, but the people who firmly believe in the holiday BELIEVE the dates are correct. You’re not going to find anyone bitching you out about the actual date of April Fool’s Day. And if you do, they probably suck. Origin 2. Once again, according to Wikipedia.org, “In the Middle Ages, New Year’s Day was celebrated on the 25th of March in most European towns. In some areas of France, New Year’s was a week-long holiday ending on the 1st of April. So it is possible that April Fools originated because those who celebrated on the 1st of January made fun of those who celebrated on other dates.” So, you’re telling me there is a holiday made out of people who used to celebrate on a different day? And called them fools? Doesn’t Canada have a different Thanksgiving than us? Should we have November Fool’s Day? And once again, there is uncertainty as they use the words, “it is possible.” We should do that more often to get more holidays. Like, “Yeah it was possible on this day in 1921 the Pope and Babe Ruth got together and brought a dead baby with leprosy back to life. Then got smashed together. See how easy that was? April Fool’s Day is not recognized as a national holiday and probably never will be because it has no practical purpose. If we’re going to start making up holidays, we could at least choose days that are worthy of a holiday. My birthday, for example…

a big list of awesome stuff

Download:

Black Sheep Mobile iPhone and Android

Pic of the Week

riddle answer So a lot of people tried getting last week’s riddle...and a lot of people got it wrong. Idiots. Anyway, the correct answer was, “Our pick for March Madness is Richmond.” Okay, maybe we’re the idiots. But picture by picture, this is what it was: Hour + pick + four (loko) + march + mad + nest + is + rich + man. Get it? Ahhhhhh, now it all makes sense. Maybe next time boys and girls, maybe next time.

SEND IN YOUR PARTY PICTURES TO

pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

BEAT OUR CAPTION, WIN A PRIZE

Maybe a shirt. Maybe a hat. Maybe a hug. Who knows! captions@theblacksheeponline.com

Sent in from a rea der: “Don’t mess with strippers...no joke ”

join the team! Think you belong on our elite staff? Can you make a good penis joke while taking down a beer bong? Are you good looking enough to hook up with an 8 or two 4's in any given night? Well hot damn, we might be looking for you. Hit us up at hireme@theblacksheeponline.com and let us know what you'd want to do (even if your life goal is to hang out with Bailey, we might consider you).

theblacksheeponline.com online issues. bar grid. party pics.

V O C A L

Here are a few words for you to learn, memorize, and use on a daily basis. Try it out and see what happens!

P O I N T S

Abwhortion: Definition: Terminating a relationship because of infidelity. Sentence: “Last week I found out Brian was cheating on me with Lindsey, so I gave our two-year relationship an abwhortion.” Narcolpussy: Definition: Any consensual sex act that begins when one party is asleep. Sentence: “I got me some narcolpussy last week when Rebecca woke me up with some morning head.”

Send us a sentence using one of the words above, and the best one wins a prize! vocab@theblacksheeponline.com

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Am I the Only One Who Loves the Smiley Stamper? bailey walsh wrote this As a resident of East Lansing and burrito enthusiast, I frequent Panchero’s Mexican Grille for many reasons. The convenient Grand River location, the late hours, the fact that they “bob” their burritos to ensure that I get a taste of every ingredient in each bite, and of course, the homemade tortilla make Panchero’s the delicious establishment that we Spartans have come to know and love over the years. However, despite their famous tagline, “It’s all about the tortilla.” I beg to differ, as the Panchero’s experience isn’t quite complete without the Smiley Stamper working to make your burrito order as awkward as possible. Am I the only one who thinks that guy who always smiles at you while he makes your food is kind of creepy, but also kind of awesome? If you’re not instantly agreeing with me like you goddamn should be, let me explain my thought process. One of you may ask, “Why do you call him the Smiley Stamper?” To which my reply would be: He smiles in a way I would imagine a pedophile watching a middle school boy’s wrestling match would smile. Yet, after all of this uncomfortable grinning, he does stamp your frequency card multiple times, if not filling the card completely. Creepy, but, ultimately awesome. If I weren’t a sucker for free shit, the “awesome” part of my description would disappear into a smiley, awkward abyss. And to be clear, it’s not

DID YOU KNOW

‘Panchero’ isn’t actually a Spanish word for anything

how to:

just because he smiles, it’s his overall “presentation,” if you will. Let me elaborate…

Me: Hi. Chicken burrito, please. Smiley Stamper: Nope. [grins] Me: [uncomfortable “heh” laugh] (Smiley turns around and starts making the tortilla). SS: [puts main components into burrito] What else would you like? Me: Lettuce, jalapenos, and sour cream.

(He starts reaching for a scoop of totally different ingredient, pretends like he’s going to put it on the burrito, but stops; he slowly looks up and _______). Can you fill in the blank? If you guessed “smiles,” “grins,” or some other variation of that word, you guessed right. Classic Smiley Stamper. By the time you finally get to the end of the line and are ready to pay for said burrito, Smiley is ready and waiting to make his next move, (which is where the stamping part comes into play). He’ll tell you your total and you’ll hand him your debit card/cash and frequency card. Once he has finished ringing everything up, he’ll start to hand back your debit card/ change, but once you reach for it, he’ll draw back and… smile. Again. You’ll reach for it once more, and he’ll pull the same prank. Finally, in a desperate attempt to get the fuck out of there, you’ll throw up the imaginary guns like, “ha, you got me…” After what seems like a lifetime, Smiley will return your belongings and your frequency card that now has at least 3 more stamps than it did before. SCORE. If Smiley is feeling really saucy, he might even fill up the whole card. I remember one particular time when I was at Panchero’s pretty boozed up and I encountered my main man, Smiles,

in rare form. He took my frequency card, ripped it into shreds, and smiled. My jaw dropped; he smiled bigger. He then grabbed a new card, filled it with stamps, and I was on my merry way. So, let me pose this question once again- Am I the only one who thinks this guy is awesome in the weirdest way? I hope not. Tell me what you think… If I’m not the only one, shoot me an email at baileywalsh@gmail.com and tell me your thoughts.

Master an Interview Ryan Jurado wrote this Let me catch you up: you need a job, the economy is (still) shit, more people with your degree are graduating every year, and you have no practical skills or experiences that don’t involve hand lotion and a private room. Fortunately for you, I’m here to walk you through the interview process. With any luck, it’ll be a smashing success (but I can’t promise it won’t be a repeat of that time Jack Daniels walked you through your economics final). Before we get started today, I need you to trust me, as I am wise like Mother Earth. Like changing seasons, I will only deceive you five or six times for sadistic entertainment before I reward you in a show of extreme mediocrity. That last part is a guarantee. So, let’s suppose you have an interview at an extravagant firm (realistically McDonald, King & Bell). Prior to their interview, it is common for religious folks to pray. Prayer is a personal choice, but it obviously isn’t enough (unless you’re praying to Cthulhu—that motherfucker will make it happen). Your prayers won’t help if you don’t take action to help yourself. Therefore, first ask the invisible man in the sky to help guide you into your new job, then ask a real man to help guide your competition into a deep river. By “ask,” I mean pay. Pay God, too—even He likes to make it rain. So, step one: bribe God and eliminate the competition. During this process you’ve also earned two paid-off references, although it may be hard to list God’s phone number. If you need to make sure God receives your blank checks and large sums

of valuables, you can send them to The Black Sheep, labeled “Jurado.” God works in mysterious ways, and he receives bribes even more enigmatically. However, sometimes, just being the only candidate isn’t enough, and occasionally, actual qualifications are required. Yes, even if you eradicate your rivals with a genocidal efficiency reminiscent of MTV’s war on talent, you will still need to interview. Prepare for your interview by practicing answering potential questions without saying unprofessional phrases like “jungle juice orgy” or “like, dude, I’m so stoned right now.” Allot extra time for this endeavor; having seen your Facebook pages in the past, I’m going to guess this is harder than you might expect. In interviews, first impressions are important. You’ll often be encouraged to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. That’s probably good logic considering your current job is eating cheese puffs in the nude until you smell like a tornado dropped a sewage treatment plant onto a Wisconsin dairy farm. If you don’t own appropriate clothes and already spent your money on bribes, the next best thing to do is wear your worst clothes. If you set expectations as low as you can, you can trick a shockingly hefty quota of individuals into thinking you’re qualified even if you rarely succeed at anything (e.g. the

Palin effect). This can be used to your advantage in an interview. Finally, solidify the deal. Ask a bunch of your friends to apply for the same job and botch their interviews. Smearing feces on windows, general pyromania, and admissions to secret pedophile tendencies from other applicants will even make an underdressed failure like you look good. It’s like having a corporate wingman. Just to be sure, make sure your assassin pal mops up afterwards. After all, it would be pretty embarrassing if your nudist friend with the swastika armband turns out to be more qualified than you.

Fromwww.theblacksheeponline.com The Streets

What are you looking forward to this spring?

Justin Gawel’s Guide to Unleashing the Apathetic Environmentalist in You

“I can jog outside without freezing!” Janelle S. Freshman

justin gawel wrote this “Solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.” -Ralph Nader

ing, tedious, and boring. I’m suggesting that we start thinking outside the box… or outside the can. Think about that half sandwich your roommate put in the trash only a few short hours ago. In reality, it was set gently on top of the garbage pile, and surprisingly, is only touching paper and not anything too grotesque. The trash-wich is just sitting there, taunting and mocking you because said roommate did not offer its delectable bounty to you before discarding it. You need to snatch that munchfest up and save yourself the trouble of going out and buying a sandwich. It’s less money, less paper, and less work. For extra credit, use the rubbish water at the bottom of the trash bag as au jus sauce for dipping. Nothing screams “adventure” like Mystery Sauce! The average person just sees a garbage can, but to the slothful environmentalist, it’s an all-you-can-eat-buffet that is way cheaper and more sanitary than the Old Country Buffet. If you’re like me and most other human beings, you realize that the cost of gas to heat one’s home is a strain on the environment as well as the wallet. Electricity, on the other hand, is cheaper, and more often comes from a(more) environmentally friendly source. So, here’s what to do. Invest in an electric blanket (or two), and every night when the house is freezing, roll yourself into them and engulf your body into a hot pocket of heat. You’ll never feel great after eating a Hot Pocket, but you’ll always feel great after sleeping in one. Lastly, but certainly not least, noise pollution is another scourge ravaging our country. We can all pitch in to end this by just not giving a shit about what anyone has to talk about. Eventually all of these people will stop polluting the country with their pointless opinions, whiny complaints, and their feeble attempts to quote lines from movies. It is my dream that one day we can all live in a world where whenever someone realizes they are listening to something they find unfunny or uninteresting, they toss their social graces aside and tell the source of the noise to kindly, “shut yo mouth ‘fore I jam my meat in it.”Let’s make a difference by not having an open mind and recognizing that we are better off not listening to people talk about the bullshit that we only pretend to care about.

“”

A little over thirty years ago, Ralph Nader alerted the general public with some urgent news. He informed us that the oil industry does not have a stake in the ownership of the sun- a fact that the majority of the public was already aware of. Although Nader is probably best known for costing Al Gore the 2002 election in the state of Florida, he has also been active in the environmental movement when he’s not too busy making obvious claims about our solar system. ‘Going green’ is the mantra that environmentalists like Nader preach, and although that does sound like something a smelly hippie would say,there are ways you can be lazy and still be an environmentally conscious person (without the stigma of being a filthy, granola-eating hippie). Sure, there are several traditional and costly ways to save the environment, but these tend to distract from my napping schedule and/or the countless episodes of Maury patiently waiting to be watched on my DVR. The goal of this article is to teach all of my readers how they can help the environment with a few simple life changes, while staying near comatose. Read now, and ideally, these eco-friendly notions can appeal to the bedridden obese person in all of us. And if we’re really lucky, these ideas will become the norm of our country like the Old Navy Tech-Vests of 1998. Let’s begin with toilet paper, a nemesis to the environmentalist’s ideals, but a companion to their poop chute. Ladies and gentlemen, a catchtwenty-poo. To the conventional individual, there are no ways around it, but to the bidet-enthusiast, the answer is obvious… bidets, of course! You know, the things in European toilets that shoot water into one’s balloon knot after they’re done dropping the brown bombs over Baghdad. A guilty pleasure and a paperless solution? Yes and yes. These things may be costly to initially install, but fear not, I have managed to achieve virtually the same result with a small mirror attached to a SuperSoaker; but, like an eclipse, try to avoid looking directly into it. Recycling is another big way to go green. Recycling bottles, cans, and newspapers is one thing, but think about all of the trash! Of course I’m not suggesting that we sort it because that would just be energy consum-

The goal of this article is to teach all of my readers how they can help the environment while staying near comatose.

For more apathetic environmentally friendly options or diagrams of my SuperSoaker bidet, please email me at gaweljus@msu.edu.

“I just got off of probation so...” Conor O. Freshman

“It’s finally warm enough to party hop!”

Shannon L. Freshman

S E R U T C I P k e e w E H T OF

Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

View AND Send Pics from our App!

SHOUT OUTS! Kelsey, when I offer you a cookie because I believe it was super delicious, do not call me an asshole. Brittany, you said you loved me, and I went to a strip club in your shirt. Good times. Carly you are in the picture!! To the girl who passed out in the Menna’s bathroom - get your drunk act together, this isn’t a Denny’s! Uhh...Debz...have you seen Linda? She didn’t listen to us about the haircut. So sad, so sad...Amanda To the asshole who stole my bras from the laundry room... have fun? Jack, why did you tell Andy that I used his bed? I hate you. -Brian Amanda, is there a reason why you haven’t showered in six days? Just wondering. Love, your roommates Steph, screw Milk Duds. Am I right? Yeah, I am. Red headed BS writer... where have you been lately? Theresa, give up the act, nobody really believes you went home with Billy last weekend.

SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Sure Signs that Spring is Coming Leanne Johnson wrote this If you live in Michigan it’s always hard to tell what season it is, probably because one minute it’s 60 degrees and sunny, and the next thing you know there is enough snow on the ground to shut down six school districts. However, thanks to calendars, we can use the months to predict the beginning and end of each season. There are also several social behaviors and patterns in nature one can observe to predict when warmer weather is coming. Here are a few signs that spring is just around the river bend.

student who went missing back in November.

Greener Scenery: No, not more weed, but more leaves. Although weed might become more abundant too, (with 4/20 approaching), leaves will also start to appear, providing a beautiful landscape for your new Facebook photo album entitled, “SPRiiNG 2o11: S3W MaNYBOiiz, S3W LiiL TiiM3.” …At least that’s what I’m calling mine.

More parties: Spring fever eventually breaks out all over campus and people suddenly want to binge drink in large groups. When warm weather finally rolls around, class attendance drops at least 38% and partying increases by 84%. After being trapped inside all winter, who doesn’t want to enjoy a beer (or ten) in the warm air? You and your friends can finally walk to and from parties without feeling like you’re in a scene from March of the Penguins.

Girls in Slutty Clothes: In the next few weeks, you may notice the hooker-to-corner ratio increase significantly. Do not be alarmed. These are not actual prostitutes; these people are actually your fellow students having some old fashioned fun in the sun. However, before you hook up with these strangers, you better make sure they don’t expect $300 in return. Better safe than sorry.

Snow Melts: Sometimes, if we’re lucky, it will be warm for a few hours allowing just enough time to melt away that white stuff Mother Nature spits out on the reg. Luckily, you can finally recover all that was lost in those winter blizzards. Perhaps you’ll find that condom you once needed, your old set of house keys, or maybe that

Little Critters: You will also notice all the little forest animals making their appearance around campus once again. Squirrels, ducks, and birds galore! This can be cute, but sometimes scary. Watch out for the following things: bird crap, ducks chasing after Jimmy John’s delivery men, and squirrels crossing while you’re cruising around town on your moped.

More people: Some people will come out of hibernation and finally (but, temporarily) turn off Call of Duty when they sense spring’s arrival. You will soon notice all of the pesky hipsters playing hacky sack on the corner or the nerds LARPING in the fields. Well, here’s an idea for the people who choose to spend their time like that: get a goddamn job.

So, for those of you out there anxiously awaiting warmer weather, soon enough you’ll be able to put your Snuggies and Ugg boots away (hopefully you never bring them back out), and put your booty shorts on. Oh yeah.

The Bar Grid

January 2010

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

SPECIAL NIGHT

WED, 3/30 THURS, 3/31

WEDS: Who’s Hotter Than Me? THURS: No Cover, Live DJs Talent Competition at 9 $3 Pints of ‘lites’ $3 Miller Lt Drafts Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Daily Specials: $3 Wells 31 1 2 Monday 9pm-Close $4 Call Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village $2.50 - Pints $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3 Well Drinks $2.50 – Call Drinks Tuesday 9pm-Close $4 UV Bombs $3 Shot Specials 6 7 8 9 $2.00 – Well Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) The Whirly Birds $3.00 – Premium Drafts $4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Who’s Hotter Than Me? DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) Wednesday 9pm-Close 14 15 16 TalentDrafts Competition at13 9 $2.00 – Domestic DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) $2.50 – Well Drinks $3 Miller Lt Drafts DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers $3.00 – Bombs $4 Call Drinks Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints 20 21 22 23 $3 Well Drinks $2.50 – Call Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM Friday 9pm-Close $3 Shot Specials DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3.50 – All Pints $3.00 – Well Drinks Burger Bash 3-8: Half off ALL Drinks Saturday 9pm-Close 27 28 29 30 $1 Burgers, $1 Fries $3.50 – All Pints DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) $3.00 – Well 8-Close: Drinks Ladie’s Night! DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Beats Sunday All Day $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Lt., $3.00 –Bloody Mary & Mimosas $3.00Rolling – Pints Rock Bottles, Call Drinks, $8.00 – Burger, & Pintand Kamizakes SoCoFries Limes Every Day $3.50 Long Islands $3.00 – Kamikaze Shots Dublin Square Irish Pub $4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs 327 Abbott Rd East Lansing MI 48823 9pm – Close Every Day

Happy Hour 4-7, Monday-Friday: $1 Off Pitchers, $0.50 Off Cocktails, $0.25 Off Bottles and Drafts Lunch Specials 11:30 to 2, Monday-Friday $4.72 Burgers w/ chips and drink $5.47 Burgers w/ fries and drink

BURGERAMA! 3-9PM Burgers $1.50

DJ DANCE PARTY (live DJ or Band) 1/2 Food all day!

$3 Pints of ‘lites’ $3 Calls $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

Pitcher Night! $1.50 Off 60oz pitchers

No Cover, Live DJs $3 Pints of ‘lites’ $3 Wells $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

Southwest Night! $2.75 Corona, Sierra Nevada, and Cuervo Gold Shots

BURGERAMA: $1.50 Burgers (3-9) $3 ‘Rama Brew, $2.50 Frog Tanks $3.50 Labatt Pitchers

Live DJs $3 Pints of ‘lites’ For More Information Contact Us: (517) 3512222 $3 Wells www.dublinsquare.net Or Text: “Dublin Square” to $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes 839863 for specials & updates. $4 UV Bombs

Happy Hour 4-7: $1 Off Pitchers, $0.50 Off Cocktails, $0.25 Off Bottles and Drafts Lunch Specials 11:30 to 2, Monday-Friday $4.72 Burgers w/ chips and drink $5.47 Burgers w/ fries and drink

$7.50 ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH FRY! $3.75 Smirnoff $5 Red Bull and Well Vodka $3.50 Grape Crush Shots $3 Labatt Mugs

$3.75 Captain/Jack Drinks $3 Labatt Mugs $3.50 SoCo Lime $4 Burger/Fries 12-5 pm

$3 Labatt Mugs $3 Well & Call Drinks $4 Bombs/Shots (except Patron)

FRI, 4/01

Half Off Happy Hour 4-8PM $2 Nacho Bar, Half-Off Drinks 8-Close: $3 All Drafts, Jack Daniels, Soco Limes, *Ladies Night~ Every Thursday! and Kamikazes

SAT, 4/02

$3.50 Captain Morgan $3.50 Flavored Vodkas $3 SoCo Lime and Kamikazes $3 Domestic Bottles and Drafts

Live Band and DJ $4 Smirnoff flavors $3 Pints of ‘lites’ $3 Wells $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

$2.50 Pints of Labatt and Miller Lite all day!

SUN, 4/03

Closed

$3 Pints, Calls, and Bacardi Bombs $3 Bloody Mary’s and Mimosas $8 Burger, Fries, and a Pint

Canadian Night! $2.50 Bottles Labatt Blue & Blue Light; Molson Golden and Canadian

Taco Trio w/ Drink Purchase 4:30-11:00pm $2.75 3 Beef or Chicken Tacos

MON, 4/04

$4 Domestic Pitchers $5 Premium Pitchers $3 Gator Bite Shots

$2 Pints of ‘lites’ $2 Wells $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

Miller Lynchburg Night! $2.50 Miller, Lite, and Genuine Draft Bottles $2.75 Jack Shots

1/2 off FOOD all day! $1.75 Wll Drinks All Day $3 Labatt Mugs $4 Shots & Bombs

TUES, 4/05

$2.50 Bottles of Miller Lt, Coors Lt, and Rolling Rock $2.50 ALL CALL DRINKS $2.50 Soco Lime and Kamakazee Shots $3.50 Long Islands

$2 Pints of ‘lites’ $2 Wells $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

Big Draft Beer Night! $2.75 Labatt Blue and Miller Lite $3.70 Blue Moon and Sam Adams $4.90 Guiness

WED, 4/06

Who’s Hotter Than Me? Talent Competition at 9 $3 Miller Lt Drafts $4 Call Drinks $3 Well Drinks $3 Shot Specials

$3 Pints of ‘lites’ $3 Calls $3 SoCo-Limes, Kamikazes $4 UV Bombs

½ Off – Potato Skins Hush Puppies & Onion Rings

Pitcher Night! $1.50 Off 60oz pitchers

POOL TOURNAMENT 7 pm FREE POOL ALL DAY!! $2 Well and Call Drinks $3 Labatt Mugs $2.50 Sex on the Beach $3 Long Islands $2.75 3 Soft Shell Tacos DJ DANCE PARTY (live DJ or Band) 1/2 Food all day!

$3 Labatt Mugs $3 Well & Call Drinks $4 Bombs/Shots (except Patron)

The Bar Grid Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Sunday - Friday: $1.00 off ALL tall Drafts, $3 Smirnoff® flavors, Crown Royal®, Captain Morgan®, Jack Daniel’s®, SoCo®, Jameson Irish Whiskey® & $2 Select Shots PLUS $3 select appetizers!

HAPPY HOUR! Mon - Fri, 4-7 $1 Pints 1/2 Off Drinks and Drafts Free Pool and Darts

Free For All Friday DJ BOBOLAI 9-10 NO Cover 9-11 FREE Draft Beer Tasting 9-11 FREE Pizza 9-11 $1.00 Drafts, Wells & Shots 11-2 $2.50 Wells, Beers & Shots

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Wings at 7:30pm and Pistons at 8pm – Ask about our late night specials! Free Trivia Starting at 10PM!

Half Off Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

Closed

Come check out all our new hookahs!

WED, 3/30

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55-cent boneless wings Stop in for lunch and get a break in your day! Lunch combos starting at $6.99 served in 15 minutes or less!

THIRSTYGIRL THURSDAY DJ JUAN, NO Cover $1.95 You Call It Wells, Calls & Beers

Closed

Happy Hour 7-9PM

THURS, 3/31

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Try our Pinnacle Whipped Vodka – it’s our Drink of the Month! With our fun atmosphere, be sure to stop in to start your weekend off right! Plus, try one of our Lenten specials!

TGI FRIDAY X GENERATION No Cover Before 9PM! $2.50 Stoli, Pints, and Bombs $2.50 Captain Drinks $2.50 Jack Drinks

Free For All Friday DJ BOBOLAI 9-10 NO Cover 9-11 FREE Draft Beer Tasting 9-11 FREE Pizza 9-11 $1.00 Drafts, Wells & Shots 11-2 $2.50 Wells, Beers & Shots

Happy Hour 7-9PM

FRI, 4/01

Red Wings vs. Predators at 3pm. Plus, catch all the College Basketball action starting at 6pm. Watch it on our wall-to-wall TVs!

SATISFACTION SATURDAY HYPE SYNDICATE NO Cover before 9 $2.00 Pints, $3.00 Calls

SEDUCTION SATURDAY with DJ DIL NO Cover For The LADIES Doors open to public at 11:00 PM $1.95 Blow Jobs, Slippery Nipples, Screaming Orgasms, Dirty Girl Scouts and Wet Pussys, Cosmos & Glasses of Champagne, Flavored Vodka Drinks, Sex On The Beach

Happy Hour 7-9PM

SAT, 4/02

Closed

Rough weekend? A nice hookah can fix that...

SUN, 4/03

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Red Wings, Pistons, and NASCAR all today! Plus, WWE WrestleMania XXVII at 7pm. You Have to be Here!

Open - 7PM Half-Off Pizza $2.50 Pints, $6.75 Pitchers Sunday School 7-Close 1/2 Off Drinks, FREE PIZZA!

Open 7PM to 1AM Sunday-Wednesday Open 7PM to 3AM Thursday-Saturday

SPECIAL NIGHT

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55- cent boneless wings College Basketball Final Game at 9pm tonight! Catch all the action with us!

$1.50 Pints $3.00 Pitchers FREE Hot Dogs

Closed

Drinks and Hookah? Best way to start your week!

MON, 4/04

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 45-cent traditional wings Ask about our new menu options that we just rolled out!

Taco Tuesdays - FREE Tacos All-You-Can-Eat 7PM – 12AM $1.75 Wells $3.00 Well Doubles $2.50 Margaritas $5.00 Buckets of Coronas

Closed

Find us on Facebook!

TUES, 4/05

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Red Wings vs. Hurricanes at 7 pm Ask about our drink specials! Free Trivia Starting at 10PM!

Half Off Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

Closed

Come check out all our new hookahs!

WED, 4/06

www.theblacksheeponline.com

bartender

WEEK

of the

Nickname: “Fez” Relationship Status: Single April Fool’s Day prank you have done: Changed my roommate’s clock so he thought he was three hours late to work Favorite movie: The Departed Favorite song to set the mood: Al Green – “Let’s Stay Together” Hobbies: Anything pertaining to sports – watching, playing, or betting Turn on: Long legs for days Turn off: Bad laugh, a chuckle if you will Hangover cure: Smart Water Rockstar you want to party with: Maynard from Tool Celebrity Crush: Meadow Soprano Which of the 7 dwarves best describes you?: Happy Spot on campus that you want to hookup at: 50 yard line of the football field Would you rather streak in the Peanut Barrel or walk around a whole shift with a huge hole in your butt with no underwear on?: Hole in my pants Best pickup line you have heard: “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.” If your house were burning down, what would be the first thing you grabbed?: Well, I am a gamer, so my Xbox Who would in win a thumb war - Izzo or Dantonio?: Dantonio Kill - Rachel Ray Marry - Oprah (for the money) Fuck - Cameron Diaz Shout out: To all my Peanut Buddies!

ather e F k r a M arrel Peanut B

drink

shot

Grape Bomb

+ 3 Olive Grape Vodka + Red Bull

Old Gilbert Drag Race We’re not really sure why this game’s called “Old Gilbert Drag Race,” but it is. To us, it sounds like the least exciting historical event ever. Number of Players: 2 What You Need: An assload of shot glasses, an assload of booze and an assload of willpower. Intoxication Level: My god… How to Play: -To win the Old Gilbert Drag Race a participant must finish seven shots and a beer. -Before the game begins, line up seven shot glasses in front of each player. Use fourteen shot glasses total. -At the end of each row of drinks place an open can of beer. -Fill each shot glass on a side up with a different kind of liquor. Each player should have one shot of seven different kinds of liquor. -Both players start the game at the same time. -Both players must drink the liquor in the same order. -Liquor must be consumed first. Beer last. -First person to finish wins.

e Recip

Tequila Bomb + Tequila + Red Bull

er t s a Dis

for Sweet Tooth Sandie

Sometimes you have to let it all hang out, which means that if you want to satisfy every facet of your sweet tooth imaginable, go for it. So live your life, because you are drunk and you are high and the decisions you make won’t affect your ass until tomorrow. What You’ll Need: 3 pieces of bread, peanut butter, jam, honey, Nutella, jetpuffed marshmallow cream. Cook Time: About two minutes.

Fatty Factor: Let’s just hope you aren’t predisposed to diabetes.

Let’s Get Baked: - Spread peanut butter on one piece of bread. - On another piece, spread jam then drizzle with honey. - On the third piece (the “glue piece”) spread Nutella on one side and jet-puffed marshmallow cream on the other side. Put together like a sandwich and devour. The sugar crash will go nicely with your alcohol-induced passing out, so you’re welcome for a quality night’s sleep.

Sexy Time

Sandwiches

Indian

Studying

Tail-Gate

Soups

Italian

drinking games

Crown and Coke + Crown + Coke + Lime

Hangover

The Game Ends When: You probably shouldn’t even be playing this one in the first place, tough guy.

dare you

TOP 10

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Worst Purchases We’ve all been there, in the midst of making an embarrassing purchase, thinking we’re about to get away with it when, bam, there’s that girl who gave you her number last night. Preparation H? No, it’s not for your face. Awkwarddd. Well, at least whatever you were buying wasn’t on The Black Sheep’s Top 10 Most Embarrassing Purchases. TBS is rarely ashamed of anything: alcoholism, throwing up in public, making fun of public figures—you name it; we do it on a regular basis. But here are ten things you should try to avoid having to buy at any cost, mainly your dignity. 10) Burnett’s: Come on people, the “broke college student” excuse only goes so far. If I see you buying Burnett’s in public, I’m going to take you down the cleaning aisle, grab a bottle of Pine-Sol and tell you it tastes better. Does it really? Well, no, and you’ll probably end up in the hospital if you drink it... but let’s face it, that’s where Burnett’s was going to take you in the first place.

How Rebecca Black Completely Legitimizes Justin Bieber Ziev Beresh wrote this Something has been happening to pop music lately.

It seems like the only stuff coming out of the radio is either the slut-pop of Ke$ha and Katy Perry, the nauseatingly smooth voice of Bruno Mars, or the high pitched squeal that resonates out of Justin Bieber, whose career will likely change when his balls drop.

As a result, I never really listened to the radio, and only paid attention to music reviews I found online, especially at pitchfork.com. This allowed me to develop a highly sophisticated, yet pretentious music preference, which then led to taking acid at an Animal Collective concert as well as actually buying and wearing Toms shoes.

However, my attention has recently been drawn to an online music phenomenon of epically ghastly proportions. Actually, she’s kind of small. Anyway, I am talking, of course, about certified Days of the Week Expert, Rebecca Black, and the 45 million views (and counting) her music video “Friday” has received on Youtube. Now before I begin ripping our culture a new one, I’d first like to say this: Justin Bieber is not as shitty as I first thought he was. Granted, Black’s song has lyrics that could have been found in a bowl of alphabet soup, Bieber’s song “Baby” was kind of worse, staying in your head stubbornly, and annoyingly (baby, baby, baby, ooo). But as young Bieber unsuccess-

fully endured navigating revolving doors and water bottles thrown at him mid-song (Youtube), he eventually developed himself into a better lyricist, with a Chris Brownish vibe made smaller, whiter, and kiddier. “Somebody to Love” is not a bad song and neither is “One Less Lonely Girl.” Even though it was annoying to me that people liked him, and my “dislike” on his Youtube videos was but one of hundreds of others, he eventually won me over. Rebecca Black, on the other hand, faces a much tougher crowd, as evidenced by the 640,000 dislikes to her 75,000 or so likes. The first response one has is that clearly her video is popular because of how bad it is. But if it were really that bad, wouldn’t the first person to watch it just say, “this sucks” and click over to the next video without showing it to their friends? Maybe it’s her crowbar-smackable face, or the myriad of 8th graders totally partyin’! or the random guy in the video who raps while driving his Kia Spectra…(Editor’s Note: I thought it was Timbaland. I am not smart) but something about that video makes you watch it, without any control of your own emotions as you’re sucked in by its vicious charm. Unlike the now-harmless Bieber Fever, the Black Plague is exactly why the rest of the globe thinks we have no taste. Screw them, but this is exactly why “Friday” should be destroyed. Oh, and to answer Rebecca’s burning question: the seat you should take? Well, it’s the trunk of course ya’ dumb beeyatch. And watch out for Friday the 13th!

theblacksheeponline.com online issues. bar grid. party pics.

9) Never Say Never on DVD/Blu-Ray: I don’t care how cute you think the Biebs is, I don’t even care if you love his music. This is just creepy if you’re over the age of 18. The kid is 16 years old; he has like, four pubes.

8) Snuggie: Granted, I’ll wear the shit out of a Snuggie in my own home, and I’ll wear it damn well, but you’ll never catch me in public buying a blanket with sleeves. That’s why I ordered mine over the phone at 1-800-663-8166! Get yours today!

7) Chewing Tobacco: It’s one thing to buy a pack of cigs because you’re schwasted, it’s another thing to place fiberglass into your lip and proceed to spit the disgusting juice into an empty Gatorade bottle. If you chew, don’t do it in public. And maybe consider transferring to Alabama.

6) “Petite” Condoms: It’s a lot less embarrassing to buy regular-sized condoms to rubber band to your teenie weenie…is what some poorly hung but very handsome gentleman once told me.

5) Disposable Tooth Brush: This is mainly aimed at females, and I’ll tell you why. The vast majority of disposable toothbrush consumers are female college students. Regular people buy gum. College girls go out, drink pungent alcohol, possibly smoke cigarettes and/ or pole, and pass out … hopefully in a bed. Because of this, their morning-after breath is so horrid that actual toothpaste is required before the walk of shame. Therefore, buying disposable toothbrushes means preconceived whoreness. 4) K2: If you don’t know what K2 is, rest assured because your life is on a morally sound trajectory. If you know what it is, and partake in its consumption, you are most likely a huge stoner who is on probation and simply can’t go a day without blazing up, so you have resorted to smoking synthetic incense that you buy for $10 a gram at a shady-ass gas station. 3) Glenn Beck’s Book: I have Republican friends who would rather read Dreams From My Father. This book is awful, and that man is a moron. Enough said. 2) KY: Unless you’re 40, you should have no need for KY jelly. The only acceptable excuse for purchasing this product is when you’re ordering it in bulk for a wrestling pit. In that case, you’re making a purchase that will benefit many people.

1) A copy of anything but The Black Sheep: I’m putting this here to secure my job as a TBS writer in case of an emergency. I really need the free Buffalo Wild Wings meals they offer.

Alex Everard wrote this

By Steven VanMaele

www.theblacksheeponline.com

the movie page

Based on the Trailer

Sucker Punch brendan saw this and gave it a...

Director:

Zack Snyder

Insidious

Starring:

April 1st

Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Jena Malone, Jamie Chung, explosions

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Lin Shaye What You Need to Know: The people who brought you Paranormal Activity and Saw attempt to bring you the next scariest fucking thing ever, a film about a little boy who’s probably intending to entrap, or is stealthily treacherous (yeah, we looked up what “insidious” meant). What We Think: As much as we want to shit our pants in fear, this movie looks kind of predictable. Creepy kid? Check. Scary drawings from creepy kid? Check. Weird noises from scary house? Check. Looks like a bunch of cheap thrills to us, but it’s never a bad thing to jump closer into the arms of someone good looking.

Your Highness

April 8th

Starring: Danny R. McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel What You Need to Know: Accents, swords, monsters, and a whole lot of fake seriousness. McBride is a lazy prince who puffs on wizard weed, and Franco plays a sexy prince who must go on a quest to save his fathers kingdom. What We Think: Stones who actually take care of themselves and look good? We’ll take it! Although this could be a pseudo Monthy Python, we’re not sure if it’s going to be as good, ironic, or British. Hmm, perhaps anything Natalie Portman touches doesn’t turn to gold.

Scream 4

April 15th

Starring: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courteney Cox, Emma Roberts What You Need to Know: Since you probably don’t remember the 1996 box office success because you were too busy trying to play footsie in your parents’ basement, all you really need to know is that a masked dude is killing people. What We Think: Hell yeah! There’s nothing quite like a classic horror film that might not be Oscar-worthy, but is entertaining and nostalgic all at the same time. Be on the lookout for creeps at the movie theater who will inevitably wear that damn mask, man those guys need to talk to some girls.

C-

Synopsis:

Inception, as written by a 12-yearold boy’s id.

The argument often made for movies like Sucker Punch—movies heavy on action and light on plot—is, who cares as long as the movie’s entertaining? Fair enough, a movie doesn’t have to be intellectually involved to be stimulating, but it has to make sense. Basic sense. Not, “This movie adheres to its own laws,” but “the events of this movie can be defined by a vague sense of logic.” Sucker Punch can’t even do that. The basic plot of Zack Snyder’s latest is as follows: A young girl, Baby Doll (Emily Browning), is falsely accused of being insane and is sent to an asylum to be lobotomized. To escape her impending doom she slips into a dream state where she works as a dancer at a brothel. In this dream state she often enters another dream state in which she must fight hordes of enemies with other brothel-world/ insane asylum women to secure her freedom. Just think for a second how unintuitive of a plot that is. A girl fears for her mental well-being, so she escapes into a fantasy land. That fantasy land, though, is a place where she’s basically a sex slave forced to

on DVD

Sucker Punch

dress in clothing fit for a whorish Halloween party. Then, on top of that, Baby Doll’s second-level fantasy world – again, one willed into existence by her own imagination—is an ever-evolving battlefield. Because, yes, these are things young women often daydream about. So yeah, Sucker Punch is pretty convoluted. It’s almost as though Snyder wrote the movie backwards, he decided there were several things he wanted to see in his movie—hot girls kicking ass, steampunk vehicles, dragons, robots, machine guns, samurai, samurai with machine guns—and the aforementioned plot, regardless of how silly it may seem on its face, was the only way he could stuff all of his wacky “must-haves” into a movie. The end result is a movie filled with stilted dialogue, bad acting (Why would anyone ever let Jamie Chung be in a movie?) and overwhelming stupidity punctuated by several action scenes. Admittedly, the action scenes are pretty cool. It’s not every day one has the opportunity to see a jet-powered B-25 fast rope a bunch of scantily-clad hotties into a castle to

fight a dragon, few worlds exist that are full of robo-Nazis, and samurai of any kind are always badass. But…it’s not enough. These scenes are explosion porn vignettes that show the audience more about Snyder’s desire to look cool on screen than to tell a good, coherent story. If they were posted on YouTube as eight-minute action sequences independent of each other and independent of plot, they’d be amazing. They’d be a viral hit that would catapult Zack Snyder’s name into the hearts and minds of Hollywood producers. Instead, they just highlight his inability to tell a tale. Esoteric and random are a canyon apart, and unfortunately for Sucker Punch one works in the world of action movies, while the other does not. The Matrix and Inception are examples of movies that exist in multiple realities and provide more questions than answers, but they also abide by certain rules that explain not only the action on the screen, but the motives of the characters. Sucker Punch, on the other hand, is content with cinematic and dramatic schizophrenia as long as hot babes keep blowing shit up.

answers are a few pages from here

March 29th

Tangled Black Swan Mad Men: Season 4 Fair Game

April 5th Tron: Legacy The Chronicles of Narnia Taxi Driver Little Fockers

Which True Blood actress turned down the lead role because of scheduling conflicts with the show?

The four main girls in the film were told to be able to deadlift up to how many pounds?

The main character “Baby Doll” is played by Emily Browning, whose debut role was in a movie on what channel?

What is the name of the production company established by the writer of the film, Zack Snyder, and his wife Deborah?

www.theblacksheeponline.com

The Black Sheep Interviews: Molly Burnett of Days Of Our Lives Molly Burnett plays Melanie Layton Kirakis on the longest running soap opera (45 years to be exact!) of all time, Days of Our Lives. We chat about acting on a soap opera, James Franco, and of course Burnett’s vodka… not that she drinks it or anything. Next time you skip class after a random rowdy Tuesday, check out Days of Our Lives on NBC, which airs every weekday afternoon, so you can finally have something to talk to your grandma about.

Black Sheep: When you first got into acting, did you always MB: You know, yes and no, it kind of depends on what material want to be on a soap opera? you had that day. If you had a lot of really dramatic stuff you’re Molly Burnett: No I never really thought about soap operas, I just going to kind of take some of that home with you. But you have knew I wanted to be an actress. This was the first thing I booked to stay sane, so I just try to keep work at work and have my own when I moved to LA, so it’s just kind of where my path is taking life once I leave. me right now. TBS: Soap operas are notorious for having these bizarre TBS: The first audition you did and got was for Days of Our plotlines. Do you recall anything particularly wacky? Lives? MB: Oh my gosh, well right now my husband MB: Oh no, the first audition I ever did out here cheated on me with my dad’s wife that I didn’t was actually for a Nickelodeon Movie. So you know he had, and now they are having a baby. are more than know, you have lots and lots of auditions and you There So that’s pretty out there. Even just saying that The show's famous hope that you book maybe one out of every one 26 million porn sites out loud right now, it’s just so crazy. opening line, 'Like hundred. TBS: So you grew up in Colorado. What was sands through the TBS: How many auditions did you do before it like moving from there to California? hourglass, so are you got the role you have now? MB: Well they are actually kind of similar. Where MB: You know what, it actually happened pretty I lived in Littleton, Coloardo, it was pretty busy the days of our fast for me. I would guess probably about ten? and a lot going on. The difference is that there’s lives.' is actually So it was very cool that it happened very fast. a beach here in California, and it’s warm all year trademarked TBS: When you found out you were going round. But I miss the snow and the mountains, to be on one of the most popular, longestbut there are places in California where you running soap operas ever, what was running can go hiking or you can go up to Big Bear or through your mind? Mammoth and go snowboarding. MB: I was so excited! I knew my mom watched TBS: Do you ski or snowboard? General Hospital so she was like “Well, it looked like I’m switching MB: I’ve tried to snowboard but I’m terrible at it. I’ve tried both in my daytime show!” But Days of Our Lives is kind of like the show Colorado and California but I’m just, you know, I’m just not good everyone knows about, so it’s really cool. at balancing. It’s just not one of my strengths. TBS: Are you jealous James Franco was on General Hospital TBS: You went to college for just one year. What was that and not Days of Our Lives? like? MB: Oh yeah, I wish he would’ve come over and joined us here. MB: It was great! I went to Wegner College on Staten Island and, But I love everyone I work with! I still wish, though. you know, did the college thing for a year and had a blast, but I TBS: When you leave the set do you ever feel like you’re still realized that L.A. was where I needed to be. I wanted to be an in character because you spend so much time being here? actor and that was it.

music

Husker Du It’s Not Funny

Ghosts Something Hilarious

Melt-banana Giggle On The Stretcher

Death Cab for Cutie We Laugh Indoors

Dave Matthews Band Funny The Way It Is

Belle & Sebastian Funny Little Frog

Against Me! We Laugh At Danger

The Rolling Stones Laugh I Nearly Die

Passion Pit Smile Upon Me

10 The Smiths That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore 11 Ween Don’t Laugh I Love You 12 Amy Grant Giggle 13 Red Hot Chili Peppers Funny Face 14 Jon Denver It Makes Me Giggle 15 Atmosphere They’re All Gonna Laugh At You 16 Bloodhound Gang Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny 17 Queen Funny How Love Is 18

The Killers Smile Like You Mean It

Khalifa’s label debut hits on past promises, but isn’t quite a classic.

You’ve heard it bumping in the dorms, it’s been blared in your car, and I’m going to assume you’ve danced to it while severely inebriated at Rick’s. I’m talking about the infamous anthem, “Black and Yellow” by Wiz Khalifa. A lot of people are sick of the song because of its extreme radio overplay, but it’s the biggest reason for Wiz’s rise to national prominence. It’s why Khalifa’s Atlantic Record album debut Rolling Papers, which dropped Tuesday, is so highly anticipated. Wiz has been on his grind for years now and finally is generating the buzz he truly deserves. For a guy that gets high all the time, I don’t think even he realized he could get this high. In terms of quality, Rolling Papers is just a notch below his previous Kush and Orange Juice mixtape, but Wiz fans new and old will still be thrilled when they listen to Rolling Papers. Those fans that consider themselves “Taylors” will hear a lot of the same ole Mr. Spacely living large, partying with fine women, and smoking the dankest tree. It’s safe to say that for the most part (despite a

others

Something Big – Mary Mary Forevermore – Whitesnake Contact – Boney James Rolling Papers – Wiz Khalifa

B+

Out Now

wiz Khalifa

Rolling Papers

Hiiiiiiiiilarious!

TBS: Do you ever wish you had a stereotypical, crazy college experience like a lot of us did? MB: Sometimes, yeah. But my first year, I got a lot out of it, I got a lot of craziness out. I want to go back to school eventually and study political science or Spanish or something, but I just didn’t want to study acting, I wanted to do acting. But sometimes I hear about my friends, like on Facebook or something, and they’re posting pictures from their fraternity parties and stuff and I kind of wish I got to do all of that. But I’m pretty happy with where I’m at now. TBS: So since you’re last name is Burnett I have to ask – what’s your favorite flavor of Burnett’s vodka? MB: Oh shoot, now that’s straight-up college cheap stuff right there, I love it. My brother and I used to drink that! TBS: It’s totally the college introduction to vodka. MB: Absolutely! That and wine coolers. Not that I know, because I don’t drink, that’d be pretty irresponsible of me… but if I were to drink and I did drink Burnett’s vodka I would say blueberry is pretty good. Or cherry Burnett’s with diet cherry coke. Just from what I’ve heard though.

DID YOU KNOW

Jessica Sommers wrote this

few auto-tune songs and the blonde hair thing) he’s not selling out and changing who he is to appease the mainstream media, which is huge news for his dedicated followers. The best song on Rolling Papers is “The Race”; it portrays what Khalifa’s music is all about: smokin’ weed and putting down the haterz. Two other songs to become obsessed with are complete opposites but both display the wide spectrum of music Wiz puts out. The first, “No Sleep”, makes your day as soon as you hear it. It has a very catchy hook and a real feel-good sound to it. Though they’ve talked about scaling the building before, on “Rooftops” Wiz and Curren$y announce they’ve arrived on top with their best song together. Those are some of the highlights from Rolling Papers, but it still has a lot of other previously unreleased dope songs that will grow on you too. T.G.O.D. Sounds like: A better version of Deal Or No Deal Download: “When I’m Gone,” “Get Your Shit,” ‘Wake Up” Listen to it when: You’re about to roll one up. Rockpango Deluxe – Los Lonely Boys Femme Fatale – Britney Spears Screaming Bloody Mary – Sum 41 True Faith – George Michael

Where does your prank fall in the matrix?!

( class time )

Movie Quiz

Answers

1. Evan Rachel Wood 2. 210 pounds 3. Hallmark Channel 4. Cruel and Unusual Films

Daily Articles, Prizes, Polls, Videos, and More!

join our facebook group!

Meet The Staff! Managing Editor Bailey Walsh Advertising Manager Anthony Dostal Sean Kristl Contributing Writers Cristina Toscano Ryan Jurado Mike O’Keefe Lauryn Schroeder Samantha Shaughnessy Ziev Beresh Olivia Lambert Justin Gawel Frank Sorise Alex Everard Leanne Johnson photographer Art Klein Distribution Annalise Stromsta (Manager) Anna Aiken (Helper) cartoonist Steven VanMaele Brian Paul

Founders Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham

Find Us At...

Bin outside Espresso Royale Questions? Bin outside Union info@theblacksheeponline.com Bin outside Starbucks Advertising? Ricks ads@theblacksheeponline.com National Coney Beggars Banquet Conrad’s Mennas Harpers P.T. O Mally’s The Riv The Post Blue Midnight Tony’s BWW The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/ Biggby’s or under-age drinking. This newspaper is (Grand River) designed for entertainment purposes only and Crunchys does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Grand River Please drink...responsibly and legally. Coffee Owned & Operated By: Wild Side Black Card Media, LLC Jukebox Grille 1425 N. Wood Street, Suite 3A Campus Village Chicago, IL 60622 Abbott Place

Disclaimer

217.390.1747

Chandler (Village) Chandler (Club) Crossings Place Mayo Hall Brody Hall* Library Snyder/Phillips International Center Wells Hall Case Hall Communication & Arts Building Dairy Store Chemistry Building Holmes Hall Business Library Shaw (East/West) CATA Station The Union We also deliver straight to every fraternity and sorority house

join our staff! hireme@TheBlackSheepOnline.com

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

save $200 with

zero deposit resort-style amenities / individual leases / private bedrooms

apply online @ abbottpl.com

2501 abbot rd | 517.324.9880 see office for details / for a liMited tiMe oNlY /