Vol. 3, Issue 12
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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11/14/13 - 11/20/13
The rise of blackboard BY: Austin McLaurine With our time machines (oh, you didn’t know we had those yet?), The Black Sheep has traveled into the future, and we’ve come back to spread the news. What we have discovered is more frightening than anything you could have possibly imagined. Much like the Terminator series, in the year 2029 Blackboard becomes sentient. Instead of a resulting war between man and machines (which would be freaking awesome), the United States government accepts Blackboard as the official website for everything. The good news is that the human race won’t get placed into pods that feed machines in a sun-destroyed world, right? Wrong. At least then you’d believe you were a superhuman in a computer simulation. The reality is much worse than being enslaved by a Dell. “What could possibly be so bad about having to use Blackboard for everything?” you ask. Imagine election day. Being the future, you rarely have to leave your house and can do everything conveniently from your wall-sized iPad. You log into your Blackboard voting account and... Blackboard is down. Ok, it’s not the end of the world, maybe you just won’t vote this year. In the meantime, Netflix is there to keep you company. Except because of the Netflix/Blackboard merger of 2033, it is also down. Now that’s something to get mad about. But what are you going to do, because the Blackboard Complaint Service, a subsidary of Blackboard whose servers take up the entirety of Texas, is also down. Looks like in the meantime you’ll just have to wait and enjoy a Blackboard Cola. “Okay, surely it can’t be any worse,” you say, like the 2013 idiot you are. Wrong again. All of that fuss over Obamacare at the beginning of the 21st century was for nothing. Blackboard also becomes the primary source of healthcare after the year 2036. Let’s assume Blackboard is working as well as it can. After watching the 75th season of How I Met Your Mother on Blackboardflix, it’s time to take your medicine. After hopping on to see how much you need to take, you notice a glaring mistake: your dosage is listed as “-/0.” Uhh, what? What does that even mean? Surely doctors should be required to post your dosage for easy viewing. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works, and you get left without knowing the right amount of medicine to take and
are put in a dire situation. But that’s not the extent of the damage this Blackboard-controlled world will have on the future of humanity. Locks on doors and anything requiring a password only works half the time. Some future humans believed their sheer frustration in the system kept them occupied from actually doing anything about it, but then they slammed their fists through their Blackboard Wallscreens in a fury of anger.
At this point, the future seems pretty bleak. A highly unreliable and mostly useless website takes over the world and dictates your every move. But it’s okay. As long as you finish your homework or register to vote before those projected “down times” on Blackboard’s homepage you should be fine. Unless, of course, it decides to go down unexpectedly and ruin everything. In the meantime, take advantage of not having Blackboard running everything, just running your life as a student.
page 5
page 6
page 13
Girl unaware she ruins everyone’s good time
10 Floats That Would Have Made homecoming awesome
Returning Freshman Causes Moment of Silence
Her every interaction causes men to break down in tears.
we look back and criticize the hard work of others.
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I don’t know why you cried when I gave back your pet hamster.
I mean, I mummified him and put him in a tiny coffin and everything!
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Word
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Dominear To manipulate or control men and women in close proximity to you.
of the
“Kaitlyn would dominear any man she shared the room with using her shrill laugh and overly aggressive sexuality.”
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Basketballer and Kardashian brood spawner racks up the miles on this as he pulls away from his wife.
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Girl unaware that her every interaction ruins someone else’s good time By: Dillon McLaughlin
For nearly six years, University of Tennessee sophomore Christina Chazikov has remained blissfully unaware that every interaction she has with another person ruins someone else’s good time. She began elementary school as an adorable, energetic child and left as a slightly annoying, but ultimately tolerable presence. Her condition deteriorated through high school and has culminated in her becoming the worst thing to happen to any social situation. “I was having a perfectly pleasant conversation with a few of my band friends when suddenly Christina jumps right in,” complained Jimmy Haverfield, a sophomore music major. “It was just as I was getting to the good part too, where the professor rips his pants as he bends over to get the chalk. But she came over and tore the foundation for the punchline right out from under me.” Chazikov has a history of haplessly flailing into stories at their climax. She once interrupted Haverfield’s random encounter with Jerry Seinfeld on a New York City street corner, ruining Haverfield’s chance to recreate the magic his young self felt during his first viewing of the
popular sitcom Seinfeld. “It’s not like it’s hard to read social cues,” Haverfield moaned. “If I’m talking to a world famous comedian, you don’t smash into the conversation with something as inane as ‘Hey Jimmy, fancy meeting you here. What’d you have for lunch? Who’s this guy?’” Haverfield recalled that as Seinfeld left, it looked as though he had decided he would never speak to another fan ever again. “I remember my first frat party with her,” said Chazikov’s freshman year roommate Suzie Gordman. “We walked in and the music literally stopped. Everyone looked at her and one guy in the back broke down into tears. He blubbered something about a broken childhood and buried his face in the basement dirt corner.” Chazikov’s mother, Cecilia, said of Christina’s inability to function socially, “We tried so hard with her, but when your family reunion stops cold because someone has such a strong aversion to, and high failure rate at communal functions, well, that speaks for itself.”
Mrs. Chazikov continued, “Eventually you have to abandon a sinking ship.” She then turned to her husband sitting next to her, who looked at reporters with resolute eyes. “Ask her about her first boyfriend,” said Chazikov’s father, Borneo. “He joined the Army because at least there they cultivate a sense of familiarity. At least there you’re part of a cause. Love’s not supposed to be a place where you abandon all hope of happiness. That happens anyway.” Sources reluctantly close to Chazikov confirm that her parents haven’t called her in two years and that Chazikov grows quiet at the mention of family, as if she is on the verge of some form of an epiphany. Large rain storms rarely occur above Chazikov, as they are unwilling to have their thunder stolen. Chazikov has been compared to societal cancer, the top of the hierarchy of social pariahship, and a black hole where amusement goes to die, crushed to death in the dimensional singularity that is Chazikov’s soul.
Professor cyber bullied out of utk By: staff
Konswallow reportedly stated, “There’s only one type of D I want in this class,” before sending the professor to the floor in a sexual rage. Their affair lasted for the remainder of the semester during Dover’s “special” office hours at his Knoxville home, until the final grades were posted online. That’s when her sexual games took a turn into full-on harassment. “I had to give her a C,” stated Dover defiantly. “Her ‘orals’ were mediocre at best, and the climaxes were too standard. She didn’t put out ‘A’ material.” After checking her grades online, Konswallow was reportedly sent into a crazed frenzy. After all, she had turned down several booty calls a week just to ensure she was in prime condition for her continued affair with her scholarly lover. According to sources, Konswallow initiated her vicious cyber attacks on the website Formspring.me. An “anonymous’” account began asking vulgar questions on Dover’s profile. Such questions ranged from, “Does your wife know you have a micropenis?” to “Do you cry every time you ejaculate?” Eventually, the attacks escalated off the website.
06
Ten We get it, people worked really hard on the floats last weekend — pomping away for hours on end in order to make a mediocre oversized Smokey with their crests beside it. However, the rest of the school never really cared about the floats, who wins, what they look like, or the parade in general.
What really would’ve gotten people going was a completely redesigned parade full of floats that were not only inappropriate and highly offensive but also had little to no connection to UT and its traditions.
According to the victim, who would prefer to protect his identity under his Skype username, “Ben Dover,” the student in question had attended his office hours in order to study for an upcoming exam.
Sources indicate the female student, who will be referred to under her Skype username name “Layla Konswallow,” began pursuing Dover in an attempt to raise her grade through physical strategies, rather than mental preparation. According to the police report, Konswallow entered Dover’s office around 11 p.m. on January 30, 2013, wearing nothing but a skimpy nurse costume.
Top
Floats that Would Have Made Homecoming Awesome By: Cat Pizazz
Stating that such actions are “shocking” and are a “first-time occurrence for the University of Tennessee,” university officials confirmed that a 20-year-old female student has been cyber bullying a male professor in an unnamed department, causing the professor to drop his tenure and leave the university. While the scandal is still currently under investigation, the university has released many of the details surrounding the events prior to his departure.
“It all began innocently enough,” whimpered Professor Dover as he fidgeted in the dark confines of his room. “She was doing well on all the in-class material, but her exam grades were plummeting. I thought I was just doing my job … until she seduced me.”
The
10.) Giant Penis: Nothing would’ve said UT spirit like an enormous hairy wiener complete with balls and a few veins. If alumni were to stand on the sidewalk and see the one image that epitomized their college years drive by, it would’ve been a giant, orange and white wang.
“She began posting about what a ‘whore’ I was on my Koofers profile and giving me low ratings on Ratemyprofessors.com,” said Dover, adding that Konswallow’s ratings have caused him to lose his chili pepper on the popular website. “She anonymously sent emails out to the class listserv saying the only reason I got my PhD is because I sucked off the PhD committee and my supervisor. It’s just awful.” Friends and family of the professor have encouraged him to simply turn off his computer and ignore her hurtful comments, but Dover seems to be consumed by the torment. Sources confirmed that soon after the cyber bullying became a daily occurrence, Dover was sent into a spiral of self destruction ranging from burning himself to taking up bulimia in order to cope with the internet assaults. Dover’s actions soon became apparent to his students, as he was often late to lecture and was no longer a stickler about required reading. “He just didn’t seem to care about anything anymore,” replied sophomore, Jenny Beckler. “I knew something was wrong as soon as he rolled up his tweed blazer, revealing his wrists. I pretended like I didn’t see, but I just knew.” University officials were first notified of the professor’s mental breakdown after he appeared in his 9 a.m. lecture wearing nothing but a teddy and some lipstick on his forehead that spelled “SLUT.” Dover was taken to the Med Center for psychiatric evaluation but was diagnosed with mono, or possibly strep throat. The embarrassment of the entire situation caused Dover to drop his tenure and relocate to Middle Tennessee State, where he is now a janitor. No development on the implications in store for Konswallow, although investigators are curious as to how mediocre her oral skills really are.
9.) Beer Float: Stacking hundreds upon hundreds of shitty beer cans that had been graciously donated by the local bars and fraternity houses would’ve made the greatest, most UT float. Better yet would’ve been to stack hundreds of beer cans to form one giant beer can with students passed out on top of each other next to it. 8.) Toilet: Seeing a huge toilet that has various liquids overflowing out of it would’ve been a trip down memory lane for not only the alumni but the students as well. It could have also had girls falling over themselves with toilet paper stuck to their heads and feet. As Socrates once asked: what is a toilet without drunk bitches? 7.) Blunt Float: This would have been the simplest float. Get about 15 super drugged-out hipsters, preferably ones that have hair to their knees and haven’t showered since ‘Nam. Give them all a shit ton of blunts and have them sit there and wave slowly as they pass the normal people by in a cloud of haze. 6.) Fancy Boobies: A crowd pleaser would’ve been the upper body of a woman, preferably the boobies with tassels moving in circles. We’re not sure what the tassels are for, but without them, just boobies would’ve been out of line. Come on, we’re decent people here. 5.) Sugar Glider Zoo: Just think of it — a giant cage on top of a float filled with millions of sugar gliders dancing around. That would have undoubtedly attracted the most people and created an overwhelming sense of cuteness and happiness that this campus is going to need in the coming weeks. 4.) Acrobats in Sequence: Everyone liked the circus theme this year…except for the whole clown bullshit. So there should have only been acrobats leaping over everything and doing backflips on this float. No clowns. Clowns don’t belong here, even on homecoming. 3.) Ellen: Just Ellen... people only really care about Ellen anyways. She wouldn’t have had to say anything and could’ve just stood on the plainest most boring float ever and it still would’ve been better than half the floats this year. 2.) Dancing Babies: Like those precious Youtube videos from the ‘00s except on a float in real life. There is not one person that would’ve been mad about seeing babies dance away and make other baby friends on a float in the parade. 1.) Undies Collection: If every man on campus donated undies that they have accumulated from nights of tequila and shame, the parade could have been like the Victoria’s Secret fashion show without the secrets, and less boring clothed-people walking slowly in front of boring fire trucks. So next year, you mysterious people who dedicate time to homecoming each year, take these ideas for floats to greatly enhance excitement and participation. No one really gives a shit if you win anyway, and all those pomping hours could be spent drinking on The Strip getting to know your fellow students, which is the whole point of homecoming. Now that we have a whole year ahead of us, let’s open the proverbial suggestion box on any other forms of wildly ridiculous or disgusting floats.
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Ladies Night! Drinks are $3.85-$4.50 Tequila Tasting with Reservation
Cedric Burnside Project, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
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Wednesday 11/20
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Monday 11/18
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Sunday 11/17
$2 Pinnacle Vodka, $2 Domestic bottles and drafts, $4 Jack and Jim NFL Thursday Nights: $12 Domestic Buckets, $3 16oz Aluminum Bottles, 35 Cent Wings
$12 Domestic Buckets, $3 16OZ Aluminum Bottles, 35 Cent Wings
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Thursday 11/14
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The Black Sheep Interviews: Indie Director Todd Sklar By: Brendan “Film director,” you think flashing lights, red carpet treatment, the power to just…Steve if you don’t get this take right you are finished in this town, do you hear me?! Not so fast, what about those directors still hauling themselves up one rung of the Hollywood ladder at a time? Todd Sklar is one of these indie directors, and with his recent release, Awful Nice, making the rounds, we decided to chat with him to see what the life of an up-and-coming director is actually like.
life. If you want to be doing it, it’s all-encompassing. It’s bad. You’re always doing work, thinking about doing work, finding work, doing work to get more work, if you’re not working you feel like you’re wasting time… Any career where you’re in a situation where you’re pursuing something outside of that nine-to-five, you have to work nonstop to get there, whether it’s a start-up, even an athlete. It’s all-encompassing if you want to be good.
The Black Sheep: You were a college student who dropped out to pursue a career in film, what was the impetus for that? Todd Sklar: I had an absolute blast in college. I loved it. I probably didn’t work hard enough studying, but I’d say I used most of what I’d learnt in college—both inside the classroom and out—after I left the University of Missouri. It helped me in the career I chose, but also helped refine what I wanted to do in that career. It was finding passion in filmmaking, and realizing the career I was looking towards was not one you typically go to college for, then landed a job after. I should note that this was halfway through my fifth year of college— I was a fifth-year senior when I recognized that a degree in theater acting would not help me become a filmmaker.
TBS: You say you fell into directing to better convey your writing vision, how do you balance working with people, but getting across the vision you set for yourself? Todd: I don’t know. I’ve only done a few features, I don’t know if I’ve figured that out yet, because in my experience, I’ve had great people and horrible people. The great people, they’re doing things and helping you through things that are so big, that these talented people help you make your ideas better. It’s incredible. I’ve had the other side too, people who are miserable to work with that and extremely unable to do the job they’re supposed to do. In that case it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, but you can’t do it any better either. It’s very dependent on the people you’re working with. It’s more about them than it is about you.
TBS: How do you get to the point where you’re directing your own films? Todd: I started making shorts, trying to learn how to make movies. I made a lot of bad ones for a while. I made like, fifteen horrible, horrible short films before I made one that was kind of good. I made my second one that was okay, and it was so much work I decided I wanted to make a feature next. After that, I had an idea that was a feature, I was 23 at the time, I watched 3 movies a night with DVD commentary. I gave it a go to see how it works. It was a learning experience—you learn while you’re doing it.
TBS: Your new movie, Awful Nice, how did that change or mature over the span of the creative process? Todd: It changed drastically. We did not have a very good shoot on this movie and the final movie is a shell of the script we wrote. In a weird way it became its own movie when we were shooting it, and again when we were editing it. The movie came out with a lot more physical comedy, a lot quicker, punchier than the script. Films, in a lot of ways, become indicative of what you’re going through at the time, and this film in specific, I was going through some growing pains, and the movie reflects that.
TBS: What does a director do, exactly? Todd: I come from a different background than a lot of directors. I never wanted to be a director, I always wanted to be a storyteller, and writing always comes first. Directing, for me, is making sure what comes out is the story that we wrote. As a result, I’m very much an actors’ director. All you’re doing is trying to get a bunch of other people to do things with you and for you, to get your story across. Usually you’re doing that because you can’t do what they do. If I knew how to get great sound, I could do it, but there’s a guy who is doing it because he’s better at it than I am. He can elevate my results. It’s a pretty humbling, and uh, terrible job.
TBS: Are there benefits to sticking in the indie genre, or is it more people do this so they can go to a studio? Todd: For me, the stories I’m interested in telling and the style I’m interested in telling them tend towards mainstream commercial sensibilities. To be able to transition from independent filmmaker to studio filmmaker you either need to have a lot of confidence and trust in people you’ll be working with, or you have to have a complete lack of care for your story, or it has to be about your career, or you have to be obsessed with the technical side of things. For me, I’m not a technically gifted filmmaker, so transitioning from an independent filmmaker to a studio filmmaker has a lot to do with confidence in myself as a filmmaker. I’ve had an opportunity for studio work, but it’s not something I’m dying to do quite yet.
TBS: How all-encompassing is what you’re doing? Todd: It’s definitely destroys any ability to have a normal
TBS: And speaking of the difference between studio and indie movies, with Awful Nice, you have a pretty big star in Christopher Merloni. Were you concerned at all with if or how he’d pull weight? Todd: All of my problems thus far with filmmaking has come from crew, not from the actors. There’s very much this level of professionalism—I’ll say this: When you have trouble with actors, they’re not invested in the project. In Awful Nice, all of the actors were invested in the project, and they were so helpful in covering up some chaos created by the crew. Very fortunate to have actors like that, and Merloni specifically was exceptionally helpful, not just as an actor, but as a mentor, a guy who came in and gave notes in a script that had nothing to do with his character. TBS: How do you deal with outside criticism, both positive and negative? Todd: You have to take it with a grain of salt. But, for me, there’s two goals: To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story. So, both positive and negative criticism help better that process by letting you know what you did well, or if someone’s critiquing something, it can tell you what you could be doing better, or where you may have failed story-wise. TBS: Is this a good time, historically, for someone who wants to get involved in moviemaking to do so? Todd: It’s the best time in the history of our existence to be doing this. At the same time, I think the danger to that is that it’s something you can do for a while before you realize it’s not what you want to be doing. I equate it to joining the army. I assume that if you join the Army, you’ll figure out pretty quickly whether or not it’s for you. Filmmaking isn’t like that. Especially nowadays, there’s so many ways to work that you can do it for five or ten years before you realize it’s not for you. There’s such a low barrier of entry, that there’s also such a low barrier to getting more deeply involved with it. The playing field has leveled out quite a bit. TBS: On IMDB a user named JonCharbineux writes, “Todd and Alex came home with my one of my roommates, who was trying to get laid, but they ditched her and stayed up watching die hard with me our other roommate until about 4am. We made ice cream pancakes and popped in Die Hard 2 and I passed out shortly after. When I woke up the next morning, Todd was in my bed and Alex was in Ben’s (my other roommate) and we were both on the couch. We found out later that they stole a bunch of our beer and a box of trisquits. WTF? “ Care to comment? Todd: Wow, when did that happen? That definitely sounds like something I’d do, but not recently. When was this written? TBS: April 2010. Todd: Oh yeah, I know exactly who that is, and yes, that did happen. 2010 was a weird year for everyone.
Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Single Favorite Drink: Dark beers Favorite Shot: Rumple Minze Disgusting Drink: Anything frozen If you could replace the turkey as Thanksgiving’s centerpiece, what food would you replace it with?: A burrito. What three items goes in your college cornucopia?: Beer, ramen noodles, and Taco Bell. What balloon would you float in the Macy’s Day Parade?: An invisible one. How concerned are you that the turkey getting the presidential pardon ends up spending a bunch of your hard-earned money on Obamacare?: Bartenders don’t discuss religion or politics. What fast food item would be better if it were made with turkey?: Anything at 4 a.m.
Will
of
The Blackhorse Pub
But for real, dark meat or light meat?: Light, and yea, that one’s racist.
Recipe for disaster
Drinking Game Canoe Race
Brownout-of-Your-Ass Burrito
A throwback to the high school garage party days. The Canoe Race is a quick game of a 2-person flip cup and pong hybrid that will get you belching and buzzing in no time flat.
This is one of those meals that you wouldn’t eat unless you were somewhat inebriated. Okay … very inebriated. This burrito will satisfy all your needs when you return to your apartment without a slampiece, and fall back on eating to make up for your lack of game. And it saves you money not having to buy it at Chipotle.
What You’ll Need: 16 red cups, 2 ping pong balls, a table and beers. Number of Players: 4 players Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a lot in ya pretty fast. How to Play: - Split up into two teams of two and stand on opposite sides of the table, each team having one ping pong ball. - Set up four cups in front of each person, Bozo Buckets-style. - Pour beer into each cup, about a quarter of the way up. - When you’re ready, the first people with the ping pong balls try to shoot across their table into their partner’s cups. - If you make a cup, your partner has to chug the beer in the cup and flip it onto the table. - Once your partner completes this, they shoot the ball back across the table to your cups. When they make it, you do the same—chug the beer, flip the cup and keep shooting. - There are no pauses in this game, so don’t wait for the other team to shoot or anything like that. The only time you have to wait before shooting is while your teammate is flipping their cup. They have to have that completed first before taking their turn. The Game Ends When: All of your team’s cups have been flipped!
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How racist is the phrase “BLACK Friday”?: What are you insinuating?
What You’ll Need: An oven, a microwave, Easy Mac, pizza rolls, a tortilla, Tabasco sauce, chopped lettuce, hot peppers and any other toppings of your choice. Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: You’ll poop it out. No big deal. Let’s Get Baked: - Put the pizza rolls in the oven and let them cook for 15 minutes. - When the pizza rolls are done cooking, take them out of the oven. While they’re cooling off, put the Easy Mac in the microwave for 3 minutes. - Once the pizza rolls have cooled off, wrap them up in the tortilla. - Pour the Easy Mac on top of the pizza rolls. - Drizzle Tabasco sauce over everything, as much or as little as you want. - Put the lettuce and hot peppers on top, along with any other garnishes that strike your fancy (shredded cheese, anyone?). - Roll it up burrito-style and chow down. Mmm, tastes even better when it comes back out.
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Returning Freshman Causes Moment of Silence upon Mentioning Native American Genocide By: TJ Kimball “We always knew college was a bullshit idea.” John, a 43 year old farmer, sat down with The Black Sheep to express his concerns over the nature of higher education. He was brought to anger by the attitude of his daughter Martha, a Tennessee freshman returning home for Thanksgiving break. According to John, she’s been dwelling on the trivial details of Europe’s liberation of the New World. She’s somehow found fault in the fact that the first Thanksgiving dinner was followed by the slaughter of an entire race of people. “It’s just that, in history class, we’re taught all about the facts of colonization.” Martha bursts out, her quickness to defend education demonstrating the depth of her ignorance. “The greater globalized society isn’t something that arose out of the sole industriousness of Europe or America. Their success, and really our whole modern way of living, was attained through the
exploitation of every civilization outside of the West.” Her arms are flailing at this point; the passion of her words falling on ears too caked with zealotry to mistake her ravings as anything beyond youthful angst. “This supposed celebration of unity and generosity is little more than the band-aid applied to our guiltridden conscience.” She continues. “Our history of mass slaughter and enslavement isn’t something to be celebrated with half-hearted grins shot across the table at relatives we don’t even like.” Martha’s interruption earns a stern glare from John. His cockwaving nationalism won’t allow his personal pride to take such a lashing. He knows those stars and stripes are soaked in the blood of patriots. There’s nothing about this conversation he’s enjoying, and the evidence is painted red all over his
face. “You see? You see!? Nothing but the brainwashed nonsense you’d hear from an academic nut-job. It’s like them pussy-mouthed brainiacs teached all the soul outta ‘er.” John’s lectures stem from a powerful connection to his ancestry. He delivers his remarks beneath a painting that depicts a tribe of Indians being given a generous gift of blankets by the indebted pilgrims. “It’s like this. First we had dumb folk. Now, we got good folk. You can thank the Bush family for that one. But what we gotta be damn well cautious about is becoming smart folk.” John explains, taking a moment to add to his spittoon. “There ain’t but one thing that helped this country become number one, and that’s our solid protestant work ethic. Imagine this great nation deprived of McDonalds, American Idol, or low budget
pornography. Is that really a country you want to live in; one where nature and community are all we can rely on? I didn’t think so.” John’s sentiments can brag of Knoxville’s support. According to polls taken by The Black Sheep, a rousing 100% of Caucasian families casually overlook Thanksgiving’s factual history in the hopes of hosting a more comfortable dinner. “Sometimes I just feel there might be more to life than major league football and Miley Cyrus jokes.” Martha interjects with profound naivety. “It’s just… I watch those twerking butt flaps and wonder if this moment was worth 200,000,000 deaths, you know? Like, maybe there’s some better way our short time on Earth could be spent, and that in learning from diversity we could come to appreciate our own place in the world with an authentic sense of depth. I don’t know. I guess I’ve got a lot
more lectures to get through before I reach a true understanding of history’s practical value.” “You’re damn right ya do.” John boasts with a victorious smirk. “They might be able to drill literature and science into your head, but they’ll never be able to drain the red white and blue from your heart.” His words express a common truth.
Thanksgiving is a time for sweeping uncomfortable realities under the rug for the sake of barely tolerating people we have almost nothing in common with. It’s a whole hearted love that looks to stuff its face, get wasted, and pass out in front of football. We can all carve our turkeys this year with the satisfying knowledge that all men are created equal, as long as they don’t have something we want.
y r e v E ic riday! s u M Live ay and F d s r u h T
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Guess The Coach
Do you know who all these college basketball coaches are? Send us your answers to backpage@theblacksheeponline.com and if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re right, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll win a sweet prize!
American Holidays ACROSS 2) Held every November 11th. 4) Or, Singles Awareness Day. 5) Celebrate the beginning of a new year on the Hebrew calendar, two words. 6) March 8th is a day to celebrate this perfect species. 7) This day happens every four years on January 20th. 10) The Friday after Thanksgiving is this color. 12) The third Monday in January celebrates the what of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? 14) We celebrate this Saint by dyeing the Chicago River green. 16) Important Jewish holiday that occurs in the spring. 17) The Friday before Easter. 18) Bill Murray celebrates this day over and over and over. 19) African American holiday starting on December 26th.
DOWN 1) 8-day Jewish holiday in the winter. 3) Earth Day is a celebration of what? 8) The day to celebrate â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;MURICA!!! 9) This day marks the end of the Ten Days of Penitence, two words. 11) Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army defeating which army? 12) A day for planting trees. 13) Gettinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; crazy in New Orleans, two words.
crossword
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