The Black Sheep
fre HEARe...lik ABO e - WAIT UT MILE , DID Y C Y YO U G R U S U YS YET ?
Vol. 3, Issue 2
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
8/29/13 - 9/4/13
Fast Times at UTK: Panty Drop Monday
BY: Birdii Haumschild An ancient right of passage known as “Panty Drop Monday” recently blossomed some of UTK’s cherished young, intelligent, and naive ladies into the “my-legs-are-never-closed” girls who parade down the Strip. Panty Drop Monday, or PDM, is the first day sorority girls young and old can finally hit the town, and a day every freshman boy on campus looks forward to finally losing his virginity (despite “totally losing it in high school”), or at least have a believable story of doing so. It can be a hard transformation for freshmen, filled with regret, confusion, and sometimes chlamydia. But the time has come upon us, and we accept it and we learn from it (PDM, not chlamydia). No doubt you saw them Tuesday morning. Holding their heels, holding their head down, and trying to wipe off the indecencies of the night before. It’s the walk of shame. You can play Bingo with the various stereotypical night-after wear. Just sit on your porch in The Fort and watch them parade by. Girl missing one shoe? Check. Girl with streaks of makeup down her face? Ooh, double check. Girl riding an old-timey bicycle singing “Down the Field”? Ok, doesn’t make sense, but we’ll say check anyway. There is a reason the sororities are trying to change the name of Panty Drop Monday to “First Night Out.” They seem to think it’s not a classy name. Now that’s a surprise. What could possibly be unclassy about a bunch of alcohol-deprived twenty-somethings suddenly unleashed to party hardy, finally allowed to enjoy a sexual partner somewhere their parents aren’t? Thanks to our dry campus some frats rent out bars and public spaces to hold their parties. When the lights go on and the parties end, the pheromones are almost visible in the air as guys scramble about to find Ms. Right Now in a beer-goggled haze. It’s a big night for freshman guys on campus too, as drunkenly seducing a mate is new to them. Just months ago they had to take their best gal to the ice cream parlor down the street at least three times before a kiss; now all they
have to do is say “Hi, my name’s Hank and I run The Black Sheep,” then bam. Sex. Every time. To the girls who did get a little sumptin’ sumptin’ on Monday, at least you aren’t delusional about yourself. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We need panty-dropping girls to keep UTK on the radar for… something. Something good must come out of PDM. Babies? Babies that will
one day come to UTK? Does college work like citizenship? Whatever the case, keep it up ladies. PDM always holds a sort of reverence, mystery, and infamy at UTK. Should it be a yearly practice? Of course, it brings humor, craziness, and yes, panty dropping, to an otherwise boring Monday night. We vote that it stays around for years and years to come.
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UTK: A Work in Progress
Roommate Horror Stories
ON the streets
Remember when wearing a hard hat to class was (still) not a bad idea?
Learn from our mistakes, and confront the overly sexual roommate before things get too awkward.
If you were a mermaid would you want your top or bottom half to be the first part?
• Keep Up With Us! • @BlackSheeputk• theblacksheeponline.com •
>> Table of Contents << page 5: Top 10: Things to Wear to Vol Games >> We’re not saying a suit and tie, we’re just saying no more shirtless torso and jorts.
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pages 10-11: The Least Anticipated Albums of Fall 2013 >> From Jack Johnson to Drake, we look at the albums that we probably won’t look at again.
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page 12: Bartender of the Week >> Kendall from Half Barrel is not impressed with Kim Kardashian. page 12: Recipe for Disaster >> FINALLY, we make a late-night treat with that delicious day-old Jimmy John’s bread. page 15: The Crossword >> Do you know all of your balls?
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Lamention
Word
The sad moment the morning after a hard night of drinking in which one person recalls an embarrassing, forgotten memory to another person. “Rebecca’s lamention of Sandra’s dance floor pee party caused Sandra to lock herself in her room for the rest of Sunday night.”
of the
Week Guess The Mascot Tweet Us @BlackSheepUTK First right answer wins a prize! Last Week’s Answer: Ohio State’s Brutus
The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheepUTK and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
A duo of divas, likely to release “Justify My Love to Love You Baby.” Last Week’s Answer: Harvey Milk and Cookies
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University of tennessee: A Work in Progress
The
Top
Ten
Things to Wear To Vol Games By: Simbuh
Southern pride at UTK is appropriately demonstrated through the rowdy yet loyal tradition of being Vols For Life, but around here we also dress to impress. Being the finest southern gentlemen and ladies around comes with a higher responsibility — mainly to not look like you just came from a Duck Dynasty convention. Not to say you need your suit and tie every game, but shirtless torsos and jorts are reserved for Gators, so try to leave that trash at home. 10.) Davy Crockett Outfit: Wearing animal skins and a coon hat will guarantee you free access to storming the field. Some may question whether you’re just one of those mascots trying to get Smokey to roll over for the Jumbotron, but you’ll be laid out by Butch before anyone can think twice. 9.) Smokey Ears: Dressing up like Smokey is so damn spirited and cute if you’re five. Cute girls can pull it off too, and though you might look desperate, it’s still a good play. 8. Movie Character in Orange and White: Darth Vol was one of the most dedicated characters seen walking around Neyland with orange eye contacts and all. If you can stand out in support of bleeding orange while getting a tiny bit nerdy, then by all means show that creative school spirit. 7.) Orange Pants: Obviously the whole “Fear the Pants” thing is way past its expiration date, and kind of shameful looking back at how pathetically non-magical they were compared to the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants pants, but they’re still fly as hell.
By: Austin McLaurine It’s no secret UTK’s been working hard to create an even more beautiful campus for all of us to enjoy. Well, “all of us” meaning people who aren’t here right now. Future students are going to be educated in state-of-the-art buildings that the university wouldn’t want to waste on those of us born in the 90s who got suckered into attending school at a construction zone. But be proud, fellow students who will graduate before 2015, while you sweat away pounds in Dougherty from the lack of air conditioning and breathe twenty-year-old, asbestos-laced secondhand smoke, know that you’re paving the way for progress. While future students will enjoy a nice breeze during a lecture fitted with some smart TVs and talking computers, you will be able to tell them you went to UTK during “The Good Ol’ Days” when wearing a hard hat on campus didn’t seem like a bad idea. It may seem as though the current batch of students are being ignored or written off as disposable, but that’s simply not the case. Upcoming students are always more important than the people already paying the bills, no matter how many butt-chugging incidents occur. When you want to become a Top 25 school you can’t cut corners, you’ve got to keep your eyes on the future, and raising tuition to knock down and pay for new dorms year after year is a step in the right direction. A competitive body builder doesn’t look in the mirror and say “Yep, that’s good for now.” No! They keep working! Although most of us won’t be around for the day that UT reaches the Top 25, most will agree that suffering through an increasingly expensive university will be worth it when we can tell people “Oh yeah, I went to UTK when that sucker was being built!
Oh God I’m old. Oh God, what am I doing with my life?” You might get envious of the students who will get to stay in the new dorms being built, but will they be able to boast of how they lived in a historic landmark? Will they know how to set up the perfect cross breeze in an AC-less building? Will those freshmen find hidden passageways behind their drawers that allow them to break into their suitemate’s room and steal all their weed?
6.) Tennessee T-Shirt: There is absolutely no excuse to show up without wearing school colors and blending into the sea of orange. You can get Tennessee shirts at Wal-Mart or even Wal-Mart’s inbred, half-wit cousin Walgreens for the price of a tall boy. 5.) Paint: Whether it be all over your face or body, you can’t go wrong as long as you’re sporting some O&W on your person. The Power T is a traditional approach for the sorostitutes wanting to Instagram the fact that they actually made it to the game, but the truest fans go hard in the paint (yes, we’re talking about painting our genitals). 4.) Checkered Overalls: If you think a lot of people have these so it’s nothing new, you’re wrong. Overalls are the most underrated form of shirt/pants, and you literally look like the Neyland endzones; they’ll never go out of style so long as our colors are orange and white. 3.) Cowboy Boots: Because it’s just a tiny bit more appropriate for kicking so much ass, because we’re almost positive Butch Jones wears them in the shower, and because you look like a mom if you wear tennis shoes to a football game.
Obviously not, because future frosh will find rooms with walls that don’t change color due to the inches of dust caked in them. Living in new, shiny, glorious, heavenly dorms will result in disappointment for the three years following as one realizes how much time he won’t be spending in fancy buildings. By not living in a dorms like our beloved Morrill, students won’t experience what it’s like to live in a building with its own gourmet cafeteria. Many an upperclassman claim “eating at Morrill ruined food for me.” Yeah, it’s that good. All of these new things coming to students that aren’t even enrolled yet are merely superficial luxuries. Even though they might not have their class disrupted by jackhammers, they won’t be able to have the pride that comes with navigating a campus riddled with safety hazards. When it’s a miracle that you survive your trek to class every day, you know you’re getting a genuine “real life” experience from your university. And in the end, that’s definitely worth more than actual livable buildings or a Wal-Mart that isn’t 20 minutes away.
2.) Tennessee Jersey: Reminding everyone around you, friend or foe, that Peyton Manning once ran through the Pride of the Southland Marching Band’s infamous Power T to lead us in to what we now know as the Glory Years. Outside of voodoo, it’s the best way to ensure the Vols will rise again! 1.) Orange and White Sunday Best: When it comes to showing off at the games, it isn’t just for the Greeks to act superior to everyone, but rather to portray the sense of pride and amount of seriousness that we take in supporting our Vols. Since UTK has recently ranked at the top for having the most beautiful girls around, there’s no reason anyone should be saying a damn thing against it.
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
Roommate Horror Stories
By: Big Booty
You never really know someone until you live with them. Across the nation, victims of awful/sketchy/evil roommates run to friends crying about how horrendous their living situation while providing shit talking material for days. These roommates can be put into the following categories: psychotic, secretly depressed, and the overly sexual. As you drift from apartment to apartment in college, you will inevitable come into contact with not one, but perhaps all three of these freaks. The Psychotic Roommate: This is the type of person that will try to assault you when drunk, threaten to arrest you if you use their things, and secretly plot to ruin your life for an entire calendar year. One victim of a psychotic roommate opened up to us, swearing they once lived with the son of Satan right here in Knoxville, Tennessee. This victim had been threatened with arrest if they were ever caught using the psycho’s toaster. Imagine being a fly on the wall for that police visit: “Yeah they used my toaster and it’s mine so you should take them away.” We would all hope that the police immediately respond with: “Go to bed, you’re drunk.” The Secretly Depressed Roommate: When you notice that your roommate pops pills like they’re Skittles or can’t keep down a meal,
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you’re in for a rocky year. Sadly, this happens very often and when you don’t know that person too well, things could get weird when you try to give them an intervention. Then again, just sitting quietly by while they throw up after every lunch in the UC doesn’t help either, just make sure it isn’t just the cafeteria food causing them to vomit before you accuse them of being bulimic. The Overly Inappropriate Sexual Roommate: For Pete’s sake, if you want to get it on at least keep the noise down, since the walls in Knoxville apartments tend to be paper-thin. And the dorm walls, though concrete, let a surprising amount of noise through. There are no secrets between neighbors in Humes, Carrick, and the rest. We get it, you’re drunk and you don’t care that your messy bone session is echoing throughout the place, but at least keep in mind that the person closest to your door is having to endure all the noise. Freshmen, your roommate’s bed is literally a few feet away, and even if they look asleep, we guarantee they’re lying awake, regretting every life decision that brought them to this point. Go do it in an empty room on the top floor of some building nobody uses, like definitely-not-haunted top floor of Estabrook, so as not be annoying to others. That makes for a better story anyway.
The only way to endure a roommate who possess these qualities is immediate confrontation, because the only way to prevent an allout war from happening is to talk about it. If it continues to happen even after this talk... well you’re screwed because you signed a lease. And people, if others are being forced to live with you, please try to cut down on the crazy. We don’t want every roommate relationship story to be sadder than a Sarah McLachlan pet adoption commercial.
Around campus Send us your party pics from around campus to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you were a mermaid would you want your top or bottom half to be the fish part? Laila
“Is that even a real question? Bottom obviously, because then I’d be a real mermaid.”
Alex
“Top half. So then I could still keep my ‘stuff’.”
N a ta s h a
“Bottom half. I want to wear those shell bras.”
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The Grid
BLACKSTOCK
SPECIAL NIGHT
FRIDAY: JP Harris and The Tough Choices, 10pm
Friday: VanDub presents: CHROMATIQ, HYPERION, TREACHERY & SOUR KANDI $5, 10pm
WEDNESDAY! Pint Night! $2 All Drafts, Whiskey Wednesday Specials
Now Open!
Thursday 8/29
Dank Sinatra, 10pm Half-Off Bottles of Wine Until 10 pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$2 Domestic Bottles, $0.50 Wings Thursday Night Football Package
Now Open!
Friday 8/30
JP Harris and The Tough Choices, 10pm
VanDub presents: CHROMATIQ, HYPERION, TREACHERY & SOUR KANDI $5, 10pm
$2.50 20oz Miller Lite and Shiner Bock Drafts
Now Open!
Saturday 8/31
Allman Brothers Tribute Band, 10pm
Goodbye June, $5, 9pm
It’s Football Time!! $2.50 20oz Yuengling and Bud Light Drafts
Now Open!
Sunday 9/1
Come join us for lunch and dinner!
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
NFL Football Package! Watch your favorite team here and enjoy $0.50 wings all day, $2 bottles and drafts all day and $5 double wells!
Now Open!
Monday 9/2
Honey Spine, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$5.50 Domestic Pitchers, $0.50 Wings Monday Night Football Drink Specials!
Now Open!
Tuesday 9/3
My Brother The Bear, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$2 Domestic Drafts, Team Trivia at 9pm, Drink Specials During and After
Now Open!
Wednesday 9/4
Live Team Trivia - 8pm
Locals Only - Live Local Music! FREE, 5pm
Pint Night! $2 All Drafts, Whiskey Wednesday Specials
Now Open!
He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games then you could ever play.
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The Grid WEDNESDAY! WINE NIGHT! Half off all bottles and $4 glasses of house wine
TUESDAYs and Wednesdays: All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $5.99
WEDNESDAY: Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
Bartender’s Choice Drink Specials Everyday!
SPECIAL NIGHT
$2 Night! Jazz from 6-9, DJ Rain 9-close $2 Pinnacle Drinks, Domestic Beers and Draft Beers
Large 3 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax
Half Off Drafts after 9pm
The Follies Girls with Fat Stacks and the Fun Guy, $5, 8pm $4 Shots!
Thursday 8/29
Best Happy Hour Downtown! 11am-7pm DJ and Dancing 9-close No cover + food and drink specials!
Large Supreme or Veggie Supreme Pizza $14.99 + Tax
Try any of our 30 craft beers on tap!
Brendan James Wright & Po Hannah Mike McGill and the Refills $2 Yuengling Light
Friday 8/30
Best Brunch Downtown! 10am - 4pm Happy Hour 11am - 7pm DJ and Dancing 9-close
Large Meatzaria or Veggie Pizza $12.99 + Tax
Come in and watch the game on our big screens!
Rasta Dog Reggae House Party and WUTK present Ras Bonghi, 10pm
Saturday 8/31
Best Brunch Downtown! 10am - 4pm $5 Bloody Marys, $3 Mimosas
Large 2 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax
Triva Starts at 8pm Brunch 10:30am - 3pm
Half Price Food Every Sunday!!! $4 Shots Every Day!
Sunday 9/1
Best Happy Hour Downtown! 11am-7pm Half off well liquors and domestic beers, $1 off speciality beers Get ready for Monday Night Football!
Large 1 Topping Pizza + Breadsticks $10.99 + Tax
Last Monday of Every Month: 5 Course Beer Dinner
Muddy Roots After Party: Calamity Cubes!, Matt Woods, Slaughter Daughters, Filthy Still, Carrie Nation and the Speakeasy, 8pm, $7
Monday 9/2
Best Happy Hour Downtown! 11am-7pm Half off well liquors and domestic beers, $1 off speciality beers
Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $5.99
$2 Drafts
Einstein Simplified Uncut Improv Show, 8pm, FREE!
Tuesday 9/3
WINE NIGHT! Half off all bottles and $4 glasses of house wine
Any Medium Pizza $10.99 + Tax All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $5.99
Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
Lo-Fi Horror Trash! (Free Show) Evil Streaks, La Basura Del Diablo, Cryptoids, 9pm
Wednesday 9/4
The Least-Anticipated 2013 has been a fantastic year for music. With great new releases from Youth Lagoon, Chance The Rapper, Vampire Weekend, Pity Sex, Major Lazer and The World is a Beautiful Place & I am no Longer Afraid to Die, you would hope the final third of this year of our lord has something great in store.
Hall of Fame Big Sean - August 27th Big Sean is a hack who pairs a massive ego with miniscule rhymes. Dude raps like he has a mouth full of wind chimes and his best song has a Nicki Minaj verse on it. Big Sean is on that CyHi level on G.O.O.D Music where you just wonder why the hell Ye’ still keeps him on there, but at least CyHi has “Ray-Ban Vision” and his verse on “So Appalled.” Big Sean’s claim to fame is the phrase “ass quake.” Next time someone tells you that the Detroit mixtape is one of the best albums of 2012, break their jaw. Big Sean thinks his verse on “Control” (which won’t even be on the album) was better than Kendrick’s or Jay Electronica’s because Big Sean is the EXACT type of pompous jackass who would read how much praise someone besides him is getting on a song he’s on, only to get jealous about the pub, so he says he’s better. He’s the guy who not only will jump off the bridge if everyone else is doing it, but he’ll jump off the Ambassador Bridge, claim that it was cooler than everyone else who jumped off the Golden Gate, and say that anyone who disagrees is a hater.
Prediction: Certified Platinum
Speaking of taking a plunge, Big Sean needs to find a void to fall in, never to return to plague us with rhymes as lame as “Now we out in Paris, yeah I'm Perriering / White girls politicking, that's that Sarah Palin.” Every day, nursing home geriatrics take shits hotter than the best Big Sean verse out there. This album is going to absolutely suck, yet will go platinum, making it a commercial success but an absolute waste of musical talent surrounding Sean Michael Anderson. Not even production from arguably the hottest producer out right now in Hit-Boy, who created the beat for “Goldie,” “N***s in Paris,” and “Clique,” can save Big Sean from audibly tripping over his own feet trying to pronounce a word with more than two syllables.
From Here to Now to You Jack Johnson - (Sept. 17th) Everyone listening to this album will be too stoned or too stupid to realize that Jack Johnson is the worst. Every single Jack Johnson song sounds the same. That sentiment gets used often in music, but never has it been quite so apt. Seriously, go put on Jack Johnson Radio on Pandora or something and try to figure out when one song ends and another begins. We’ll wait. Oh you fell asleep already? Sorry about that. Anyway, we need another Jack Johnson album like we need another Olive Garden. The parallells between the two are eerie.There are already plenty, and they are all perfectly mediocre and should never be utilized by sentient beings, yet there’ll always be someone convinced to go back for the breadsticks. Or something like that. The next album has just about zero chance to be any different. If Jack Johnson suddenly becomes something other than generic shitty stoner guitar music, it would cause a rip in the space-time continuum, letting in massive terrifying, spliffed monsters that would demand all of our couches and all of our Cheetos. If he drops something that’s not bland guitar and soft vocals, we’d be more frightened than impressed. Expect more of the same, unfortunately. Maybe he will just re-release “Banana Pancakes” and stretch it for like 45 minutes. That’s probably better than whatever this will be.
Prediction: Certified OG Kush
Albums of Fall 2013 Unfortunately, you would be wrong, as there is plenty of music scheduled to be released that is sure to be nothing short of an atrocity. Here are the five albums I’m least excited for in the Fall of 2013. By: Noel Purcell
Nothing Was the Same Drake - September 24th Stupid Drake. He still has that same monotone drawl that lulls you to sleep, and that same boring, lazy flow that makes him perfect in every generic white girl’s sex playlist on Spotify, nestled in between The Weeknd and “Burn” by Usher. The evolution of Drake has been commercial rather than musical, because in the end he is still exactly what he was when Best I Ever Had dropped in 2009: a soft, shitty, whiny fuckboy. Between the overrated, overstated, and wholly underwhelming cryfest that is Take Care and the absolute trainwreck that is “Started From the Bottom” (a song so soft that white bread suburban teenagers sipping bottles of Moet poolside while the maids clean the house took to it like ducks to water) the odds that we end up with anything more than Charmin Ultra Soft disc’s worth of music is merely wishful thinking. The album covers don’t bode well for this thing not sucking. That shit looks like what you’d get if you told someone to make a Drake album cover specifically designed to make fun of the other Drake album covers. He took the Nas/Biggie/Weezy route of the baby picture and then, in classic Drake fashion, made it the absolute softest and most uncool shit humanly possible, but 17-year old white girls will be all “Oh my god he’s so sensitive, this is what all hip-hop should be” while they finger themselves to pictures of Matthew McCconaughey, watch Gilmore Girls, and search Pinterest to design their dream wedding. Drake has officially earned the crown of the lamest rapper on the planet.
Prediction: Certified Double Platinum
This Is...Icona Pop Icona Pop - September 24th Man, “I Love It” was a fun song for like ten minutes, wasn’t it? It started getting serious play after being featured on episodes of both Snooki & JWoww and Girls, which is as bad of an omen as there is. It was catchy and fun and easy, it was basically the perfect piece of pop music. Then you heard it another fifty times, and after a while a chorus of sorority girls screaming “I DON’T CARE, I LOVE IT!” and hounding you to change the song for three hours haunts your dreams and you wake up in a cold sweat, longing for the days where you could just say “sorry we don’t have the CD burned for it yet.” This is a song whose single release, in various formats, has produced no less than 21 different remixes. 21. Talk about sucking the fat teat of fame dry. Anyway, Icona Pop is perfectly harmless as a synthpop duo, which is exactly why we’re not anticipating this album’s release. They say they’re trying new things and that it “Won’t be an album of 16 songs like ‘I Love It’,” which is exactly where they are messing up. True, they caught lightning in a bottle, and true Charli XCX (who was the reason “I Love It” was as successful as it was) is not a permanent member of the band, but if you can make quality, catchy pop music, stick to it. In the end they can either end up as a generic one-hit wonder that more or less encapsulated the spring of 2013, try something new and probably fail, or they stick to their strategy make another successful, catchy pop song. They don’t seem to want to do the last one, so this album will be the beginning of perpetual dissatisfaction for the entirety of the life of this band.
Prediction: Silver Record
Untitled Fourth Studio Album
Arcade Fire - Oct. 29th There is no more boring yet more universally praised album in 2010 than The Suburbs. “But it won a Grammy!” you say as we laugh in your face because using a Grammy as a measuring stick for the merit of a piece of music is like using the 30-inch rims on a guy’s Escalade as a measurement for his dick size. Remember, LMFAO has two Grammy nominations. Cut it out. Now, there are plenty of reasons one should be anticipating this album. LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy has been in the studio with Arcade Fire, recording them in his DFA studio! Funeral was really good! Win Butler does cool things with his hair! Wrong, oh so wrong. Pouring hype into this album will just leave you utterly disappointed when you hear 22 songs that sound like “We Used to Wait,” causing you to give up all hope in what you used to call indie music. Before you know it you’ll start listening to Lady Gaga religiously. Arcade Fire is the go-to “real” band for faux hipster girls who like to wear Indian headdresses and roll at MGMT concerts. It takes a lot to make Wayne Coyne think you’re an asshole, and these guys found a way. Enjoy what will surely be a universallypanned yet ultimately completely mediocre piece of profitable “indie” rock while you pretend you know who Brian Eno is. This album is going to eat a dick.
Prediction: Certified Platinum
Bartender of the Week Relationship status: In a relationship Favorite drink: Cucumber vodka and soda water Major: Sign language Favorite shot: California cactus Disgusting drink: White Russian You will celebrate Labor Day with what in your right hand?: I’ll be working. If a superhero movie were made about you, what would the villain be named?: The Mormon Man.
Kendall of Half Barrel Drinking Game
What college level class are you most qualified to teach?: American Sign Language
If you could have something named after you when you die what would it be?: A brand of hot sauce. Grossest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?: A Brazilian… the shot. Favorite old school slang term?: Badonadonk. “Sexy” celebrity you find disgusting?: Kim Kardashian. Good beer or bad wine?: Good beer. Most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done in public?: I was pied in the face for a charity event. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because I’m in it!
Recipe for disaster
Frat Party Observations
Oven-Baked 50-Cent Pizza
This week you will encounter a phenomenon that primarily happens at the beginning of the school year. There will be hundreds of them, and they will all suck as much as the next one. We’re talking, of course, about frat parties. You will go to them whether you want to or not, and you will smell like expired, Keystone Lightinfused sweat for weeks. To cope with the madness, try this game.
Sometimes you really want pizza but just can’t justify spending another $10 at Papa John’s for the third time this week. That’s okay! Here’s a solution: 50-cent day old bread from Jimmy John’s and a couple supplies from the kitchen.
What You’ll Need: Beer, a party, and frat bros and sorority sisters to stare at. Number of Players: One (this game is a bit anti-social and creepy.) Level of Intoxication: Varies from house to house.
What You’ll Need: An oven, a loaf of Jimmy John’s Day Old Bread, one jar of your favorite pasta sauce, shredded cheese, veggies (onions or peppers), garlic, oregano, and chicken/ pepperoni/sausage/all of the above Cook Time: 20 minutes Fatty Factor: It’s not the best…
How To Play: - Find a place to post up inside a house where you blend in just enough so some kid wearing an obnoxiously fluorescent “FRAT FRAT FRAT” tank won’t approach you. - Get yourself a couple beers so you don’t have to constantly go over to the tub of pneumoniainducing ice water. Now look. Really look at what is happening at this gathering and drink when: - Someone continues to play beer pong with the ball that has been rolling around the same floor the pledges had to piss all over the night before. - A helpless girl is crying for no apparent reason (there will be four or more).
- You spot Sperry Topsiders (if they are a chalky shade of blue or green, finish your beer). - You witness dancing that would have been illegal 30 years ago. - King “Player” and his “princess for the night” won’t stop sucking face. - A girl in the corner on her phone asks, “Lindsey, where are you? Why did you leave?” - A girl comments on how disgusting the bathrooms are (bonus drinks are encouraged if you politely remind her that she’s in a freaking frat, not her rich grandparents’ lake house). - When a dude comes up and asks, “Who do you know here?” - That one guy—who clearly practiced flippy cup in his garage all summer by himself—wins the third game in a row.
Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. - Slice your loaf of Day Old to your desired length and open it up so it lays flat. - Layer your toppings on the bread like you would on a pizza, starting with the sauce, the cheese and any chopped vegetables. - If you’re adding any meat on top, cook it if necessary (either on the grill or in a skillet). - Put your meat on top of the pizza bread and sprinkle on some garlic and oregano. - Place the pizza on a pan and into the oven for 10-15 or until the cheese is melted and the bread is crispy. You can basically toss anything onto this bad boy, and it’s guaranteed to be delicious. Plus, your bank account will love it.
The Game Ends When: The tub runs dry. Then it’s off to the next house!
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6 degrees of seperation
Miley Cyrus to
Mila Kunis These two are connected by 6 different people. if you know who, and how, tweet us @blacksheepUTK First 3 right answers get a prize!
The Seek and Find
This bookstore is filled with 10 stacks of fat cash. Can you find them all? Email your answers to seekfind@theblacksheeponline.com - The first three right get a prize!
Ball Varieties ACROSS 2) A ballistic this send warheads to a predetermined target. 4) The technical term for your man’s balls. 5) Lebron James, Michael Jordan, etc. 9) Foooore! 10) These high class ladies would attend a ball. 14) Ball State University is located in this state. 15) 30-Love 17) Soccer for the U.S. 18) This type of dance often happens on the ball of the foot. 19) Our beloved president is notoriously bad at this sport. 20) These popular pet snakes have a ball variety. DOWN 1) When a guy doesn’t get his rocks off, two words. 3) Football for the rest of the world.
6) “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston is considered one of her greatest what? 7) Pizza cheese that comes in the shape of a ball. 8) “N****s in Paris (Ball So Hard)” came off of which album? 11) Sophisticated pool 12) Most popular game in Australia, played with a bat and ball. 13) If your s/o is a pain in your ass, they might be your ball and this. 16) Girls in Spandex play this.
Meet The Staff campus manager Austin Owen
campus director Quinn Myers
Editorial manager Emily Hagenburger
owner Atish Doshi
Advertising Managers Samantha Hightower, Alyssa Watson
Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
Writers Mary Moss, Katie Vaughn Birdii Haumschild, Austin McLaurine Distribution manager Kelley Rieder Social media manager James Ballard
crossword
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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KNOXVILLE’S BEST BEER SELECTION!
COME ENJOY 96 BEERS ON DRAFT
L I V E M U S I C N I G H T LY OPEN
7 DAYS check out our rooftop patio at the new location
A WEEK!
2200 cumberland ave
tuesdays $2 drafts* wednesdays half off wines all day thursdays half off drafts* after 9 pm
WELCOME BACK, UT STUDENTS! With class back in session, we invite you to come unwind with friends with great food, craft beer, pool tables and live, local music at Barley’s.
865.637.4663 www.sunspotrestaurant.com
THE HISTORIC OLD CITY 200 E. Jackson Ave. Knoxville, TN 37915 www.barleysknoxville.com • 865-521-0092