Vol. 5, Issue 12
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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11/14/13 - 11/20/13
Do the Last Month Hustle BY: Kalsey Hanratty We don’t mean to scare the shit out of you, but we don’t know if you’ve realized that there’s only about one month left in the semester. After you’re done banging your head on your desk, continue reading. With one month left, you’ve begun to think about finals. Well, maybe not, but you should start. The Black Sheep has come up with a survival guide to your last month of the semester, so you won’t have to set up a campsite in the library (librarians get so testy about indoor fires). Pay close attention — because you did that so well in all of your classes, right? Make a To Do List: Take a breather and get yourself together. Then, make a list of everything you have to do for the rest of the semester in order of importance. Then do number one and most of number two. You can go get drunk now, because that sure took a lot of energy and concentration, more than you’ve had to exert all semester. Chill Out: Take your work outside and vow to stay there until you finish it. It’s cold as virgin balls and no one wants to be outside, so hurry the hell up and finish your work. Bath Time: Take a warm bath after torturing your body outside and read something worthwhile in there. But stay away from the bath salts, ok? Take it from Rodney, that’s one school trip you can afford to miss. Work it Out: Get your fat ass out of the tub and get to the gym, and take a book with you. They actually have book holders on the rails next to the treadmills, in case you’ve never noticed, or thought that was for “motivational porn.” Get on a stair stepper and step up your reading game. The Temptations: Place your favorite food or drink in front of you on the table and don’t touch it until you’ve finished whatever it is you need to finish. A thesis, an art piece, a Pokémon Gym Leader, whatever! For this one you might need a friend to provide precautionary hand slaps if you think about slipping. Disconnect: Try turning off your cell phone for a minute. Based God forbid you can’t talk to your friends and family for a couple hours, what in the world will you do? Maybe actually get some work done, instead of taking 800 pictures of yourself “about to do it.” Plan to Plan a Party: Leading up to the weekend of a party is great motivation to get all your work done before the deadlines of the next week. That’ll get a lot of work out of your way and give you a reason to shake it like a red nose in December, no Rudolph. Pet Deprived: Pets are a great excuse for a distraction, with their wagging tails and your crippling loneliness. Have someone take care of Kennel Poochinelli until you’ve finished your work, then you can talk the poor pooch’s ear off about failing and wishing you were a dog too when you’re done. Incentives are usually the way to go when you’re stressed and can’t seem to stop and think for a second to get actual work done. So come up with your list of shit to do and shit on it, meaning get it done, don’t literally shit on it. Unless it’s some weird performance art piece. In that case, go H.A.M.!
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VCU Campus: “I Need a Makeover!”
Deny Finals: Throw a Post Halloween Party
Welcome to the Twilight Zone. We do take attendance.
Get rid of your Halloween stuff before you get cited. Again.
• Keep Up With Us! • @BlackSheep_VCU • theblacksheeponline.com •
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Cabell Campout S’mores taste so much better in the Periodical section!
>> campus manager Kenneth Jordan
Marketing TEAM Selamawit Tadesse, Brian Guerrero Kelsey Knight, Taylor Parker, Lul Hussein Margo Maier, Olivia Walthall
Editorial manager Lorenzo Simpson Advertising ManagerS Tyler Harvey, Lul Hussein, Margo Maier Writers Lorenzo Simpson, Julie Gassaway Nathan Heintschel, Kalsey Hanratty Sabrina Fuller, Elena Correa Social media manager Nathan Heintschel
Meet the Staff <<
campus director Quinn Myers owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
Staff Photographer Ingrid Medrano
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com
cartoonist Anna Blackburn
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#goodtimes
I don’t know why you cried when I gave back your pet hamster.
I mean, I mummified him and put him in a tiny coffin and everything!
Seriously?
DON’T MESS AROUND WITH
#BADTIMESMAN
Tweet us your creepiest, most hilarious, most perverted, most raunchy (or all of the above) pick-up lines to @BlackSheep_VCU #BadTimesMan If yours proves to be the weirdest, you’ll win a prize and be featured in next week’s issue!
Word
Tweet Us @BlackSheep_VCU
Dominear To manipulate or control men and women in close proximity to you.
of the
“Kaitlyn would dominear any man she shared the room with using her shrill laugh and overly aggressive sexuality.”
Week Guess The Mascot Tweet Us @BlackSheep_VCU First right answer wins a prize! Last Week’s Answer: Witchita State’s Wushock
The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_VCU and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Basketballer and Kardashian brood spawner racks up the miles on this as he pulls away from his wife.
Last Week’s Answer: Craig Finnegans Wake
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
VCU Major Zodiac By: Julie Gassaway
We all have our Chinese zodiac animals and astrology signs, but now get ready to discover your VCU inner animal. Everyone here has picked majors (or at least are planning to... someday.) Now, find out what animal that shrieks, barks, or purrs, “YOU!”
ficiency in a different language lets you blend into multiple surroundings. You can eavesdrop on people who think you don’t know what they’re saying, which is especially handy in the culture explosion that is VCU. And you’ll score a lot o’ tail during your semester abroad, yuk yuk.
Business (marketing, accounting, finance, management) - Wolf: You’re always on the hunt, whether it’s for an awesome party, one of the library’s coveted booths, or a kickass, take-no-prisoners job at your uncle’s accounting firm. Also you run in packs, tits swingin’ and howling at… well, something. Don’t believe us? Just ask the pack of sorority girls what their major is as they make their way to Jorge’s.
Mass Comm – Hummingbirds: You’re always flitting around from place to place at lightning speed, here at this event and then over there at that group project and then around the corner to drink with this frat group. For you, life is one big Tumblr feed.
Information Studies - Monkey: You’re obsessed with puzzles and figuring out how things work. Also, you love getting in screaming matches about seemingly nothing with other primates in your class. More than once you’ve almost thrown your poop at a friend who dared to say Apple is better than Microsoft. English - Owl: You’re up all hours of the night wide-eyed, reading or writing all over campus. You’re always asking who — “Who wrote Waiting for Godot?” “Who was Yeats talking about?”“Who is going to hire me after I graduate?” And your neck can turn all the way around, so you’re great at parties! Even if it’s not for class, you do it for fun. Foreign Language - Chameleon: Pro-
major! Anthropology/Sociology - Zebra: You hate study group and culture mentalities, and like zebras, are very self-aware in a crowd. You get how people work, so you have great social reflexes. If someone starts seizing in a crowd, you’re the one who rushes to call 911, since you know everyone else will just stand there stupidly for 10 minutes suffering from herd mentality.
Fashion - Peacocks: Come on, you know you saw this one coming. Fabulous and strut-worthy, the whole lot of you are! Also, you have a tendency to have short attention spans. Oh, look at the pretty colo-LACE LOOK AT THE LACE ON THIS!
Education - Dog: Whether you’re a black lab or a corgi, you’re the enthusiastic, full of life, kid-loving type. But dog-on-kid love, not, you know, man-on-kid love. Interacting with students gives you life. Plus, you eat homework for breakfast, lunch, second lunch, snack, and dinner! You love to take it, and you can’t f’n wait to give it.
Art School - Platypus: You can swim through the art world like a fish, while at the same time using your fur to give comfort the other majors. And on top of it all you pack a poisonous sting that almost everyone overlooks... that is, until someone asks if your Venus de Milo recreation is a floppy penis.
History - Giraffe: You’re all about patterns and have great eyesight since hindsight is always 20/20. Of course, sometimes you’re so high up in the clouds it’s hard to notice what’s right in front of you, like the fact that that girl’s flirting with you, not actually asking to know what happened at the “Battle of the Bulge.”
Sciences (Biology, Chem, Physics) - Falcon: You focus in on the tiniest of details then execute the shit out of them. Floating around campus, you watch your prey and/or lovers from afar, waiting to strike, but then fail to execute, because you’re of a different species and can’t have procreate — come on, you should know this bio
Social Work – Bull: You’ve got a great heart and take care of the herd. But you’re also tough as knives and stubborn as Rush Limbaugh when it comes to handling the job of a social worker. We won’t see you in any China shops… because you’ll be too broke to buy what the store is selling. Zing!
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Cabell confessions By: Gossip Girl Cabell, the place we flock to on cold fall mornings to watch students grasp at the last couple strands of hope for graduating on time. Cabell, whose shelves we duck behind to avoid overly friendly classmates. Cabell, with its almost-comfortable chairs and its hospital-like fluorescent lighting, is a welcoming location for students to “study” in comfort. What you may not know at first glance is that VCU’s Cabell Library is a hotbed of non-academic activities. Shocking, we know. The Black Sheep did some investigating to find out some of the student body’s dirtiest Cabell-related secrets. And by “investigating” we mean bribing people with Chocolate Chai Tea Lattes and promising to keep the stories anonymous. Our first story comes from a sophomore with a little gastrointestinal trouble. “I had just come from Taco Bell
and I was feeling okay for the most part. I decided to head up to the second floor to bang out a Lon-Capa assignment.” Instead of taking the stairs to the second floor, Mystery Sophomore pulled a total dick move and took the elevator up. “As soon as I stepped inside I felt off, you know? My stomach started rumbling, but I thought I could hold it in.” As the elevator filled with students and faculty he began to break out in chills, his abdominal muscles straining with the effort to keep everything together. “It just kind of slipped out. It was like a silent but deadly one. It was so bad, but I didn’t say anything because that’s like a dead giveaway.”The 10-second ride was one of the most awkward moments in Mystery Sophomore’s life, but he did learn a valuable lesson. “Take the stairs. Just… when in doubt take the stairs.”
The next confession comes from a freshman girl who doesn’t quite know how to turn down.
The last Cabell Confession comes from a super senior with financial aid troubles.
After going into Cabell on a Saturday night (who even does that?) and partaking in some not-so-legal recreational activities no less, this freshman girl lost a friendship.
“Yeah, I’ve stolen a few books from Cabell. I’ve been here for five years I think I’m entitled to take a few things. I don’t think it’s that big a deal, I mean whatever right?” Whatever indeed, Super Senior. When asked to justify his kleptomania Super Senior was quick to offer up a sob story.
“I was tripping balls and Snapchatting my roommate but she wasn’t into it. She told me she was working on a psych paper. For some reason I thought it would be hilarious to, like, go surprise her or whatever.” Fresh Girl stumbled past the front desk and found her roommate on one of the first-floor couches. She immediately burst into a giggle fit to end all giggle fits. “She was so pissed at me, it was sooo funny! I kept trying to take her laptop so I could write the paper for her.” The Black Sheep asked the freshman if she and her roommate are on good terms. “Nah, she’s such an uptight bitch.”
“I can barely afford coffee from 7-Eleven, how am I supposed to buy 15 textbooks a semester? I can barely pay my rent!” But he can mysteriously afford a case of PBRs on the weekends? “Look, it’s not like I stole a laptop or like I shoplifted from Starbucks. They’re just books.” When asked why he didn’t simply check out the books in question, Super Senior offered up a profound “ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!”
melt the iceberg of all the things that go on in Monroe Park’s beloved library. There are, of course, the tales of certain students who have the daily ritual of squeezing off a grumpy in the first floor bathroom every morning before class. There’s also the horror story of an upperclassman who once jerked one out in a silent corner of the fourth floor.
These Cabell Confessions barely
The admissions are easy enough
to weasel out of the right guy or girl. We all secretly want to reveal our dirty secrets. And what better way than to whisper them to an eager listener between shelves and shelves of academic literature? The next time you’re in Cabell ask a few people about the craziest thing they’ve done inside those four walls. The answers may surprise you, if not make you to study in your dorm for the rest of the semester.
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VCU Campus:
“I Need a Makeover!”
The
Top
Ten
Places on Campus to Cry When You Realize Finals Are A Month Away
By: Nathan Heintschel Let that title sink in for a moment. Finals are a month away and chances are you aren’t ready yet. You are probably now in the five stages of grief: First you deny and say, “Oh, but we still have Thanksgiving break.” Then you become angry because you’re going to spend break studying. Then you bargain, “If only I hadn’t failed that test back in August, then I’d be fine.” Finally, depression sets in, and you begin to dehydrate from the amount of tears you cry. However, you have to get the depression out before you can reach acceptance and begin to study for your tests. So, here are our top ten places on campus to cry yourself a river. 10.) Random aisle on the fourth floor of Cabell: Almost no one uses the fourth floor, so you should have all the privacy to crysterbate in peace. Chances are there will be many who join you in a depressing crysterbation session. 9.) Pool in the Cary St. Gym: Nothing releases endorphins like exercise, and you can at least claim your tears are actually just excess water being splashed in your face. 8.) Your professors’ offices: Maybe, just maybe, you crying in their offices will make them so uncomfortable that they give you a study guide so you’ll leave them alone. 7.) VCU bookstore: All the cloth in that store means more opportunities to dry your tears: a t-shirt, a bookstore employee’s shoulder, or a VCU handkerchief perhaps? Or you could actually buy your books and try to study… just sayin’. 6.) The grassy lawn in front of Snead Hall: There is so much room for you to roll around crying, pounding your fists, and cursing your deity of choice. If anything, maybe your professor will see you and think something is actually wrong in your life, and give you a pass.
By: Elena Correa If VCU’s campus was a high school stereotype, it would be the kid who wore camo every day since elementary school and all of the sudden, after one summer break, comes back with black lipstick and a face full of piercings. New buildings are popping up left and right, leaving campus looking like a ratchet Monopoly board. With all the new additions to campus, any prospective student is bound to get whiplash adjusting from the tacky “airport” decor in the Commons to the posh look of the newest dorms of West Grace North. You could stroll into Temple feeling like Archie Bunker and walk out of MCALC doing the “Cupid Shuffle.”
“New buildings are popping up left and right, leaving campus looking like a ratchet Monopoly board. “ Whoever furnished Temple needs a hug. Walking in to the building feels like you’re walking into Dracula’s lair: it’s dark and musty, with a weird smell that seems to have been lingering since the building was built. God forbid you’re big boned and you have a lecture there, good luck squeezing into the seat and having enough room for your blood to circulate. And good luck to all of you lefties out there when it comes test taking time and you’re twisting like pretzel trying to fill in those tiny bubbles. Looking back on Temple, it’s no wonder VCU built MCALC the way they did; it gives us all have enough space to avoid having a claustrophobic panic attack. Being the oldest dorm to date on campus, there’s a rumor that Johnson Hall is haunted for a reason; it’s
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creeptacular. Maybe it’s the narrow staircase or the fact that the rooms are squeezed together tighter than Nacho Libre’s buttcheeks, but one thing’s for sure, a film student could have a field day filming a horror movie in that building. The only thing about Johnson that doesn’t give you the creeps is its lobby. Similar to the newer buildings, the lobby is fresh and white, just uncomfortable enough to look modern. It seems like VCU’s designers got lazy on renovations, went to lunch and never came back. Or maybe it’s just a ploy to sucker naïve incoming freshman into requesting Johnson. If you’ve ever studied upstairs in the Commons, you’re just as confused as we are by the oddlyshaped chairs that look like your grandma’s favorite fall sweater. Really, VCU, we get that tacky prints and mass-produced furniture go hand in hand, but did you have to include the leaves? Also, did the designer of the Commons actually try to replicate an airport? Is it supposed to be a metaphor for “taking flight”? Passing through there feels like walking through the crowds of discontent people waiting on their test red eye, only to learn their graduation flight is delayed inevitably. Thank you VCU overlords for MCALC. The lecture halls in that building make us giddy with excitement as we swing around in those cool, surprisingly comfy, chairs. And anyone lucky enough to be in West Grace North & West will never know the struggle, like North West — those building are not dorms, they’re 4 star hotels. The way things are going, we wouldn’t be surprised if the new renovations to the library make Cabell feel like Gatsby’s mansion. Bravo VCU, you really are making it real... disorienting.
5.) The Siegel Center: Maybe the kick in the ass that you need is an inspirational pep talk from the one and only Shaka Smart. Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks will make sure you’re hyped and ready to unleash Havoc on your finals. That is, if you’re not arrested for sobbing on his jacket. 4.) The Singleton Center: Your tears reflect real pain and anguish. The theater program may want to use that raw intensity for its upcoming theatrical productions. You can be the Chris Crocker of VCU! 3.) The Oliver Hall elevator: That ride always feels like it lasts an eternity, and that might be just enough time for you to lacrimate as you elevate! You’ll make people uncomfortable, but not as much as Mr. Inconspicuously-Fart-In-The-Corner. 2.) Shafer: Nothing goes together with crying like eating. So eat your feelings away, but make sure your food doesn’t get soggy from the tears. It’s soggy enough as it is, and that just makes those tears flow more, doesn’t it, you poor, miserable wreck.
1.) Cabell Basement Bathrooms: This way when you’re pissing those six plates of pizza, three hamburgers, and seven ice cream cones out of your ass, you can enjoy some privacy. Pooping and crying, we’ve all been there bud.
Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you could switch an article of clothing with the opposite sex, which would you choose?
r Sara, Junio
“I would wear men’s coats; I like their cool army and pea coat styles.”
r Fabio, Junio
“I would wear yoga pants; I want my buttocks to look big and sexy.”
enior Diogenes, S
“I would wear Uggs because they are so comfortable and warm. ”
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He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.
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Every Friday: Doc & The Keynotes
Thur. 11/14
$2 Taco Night OC45, Monacan Hill, Insubordination, and Ashes
SUNDAY:
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Sunday: $1 Tacos
Tuesday-Saturday! Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps RVA Pong! Cash prizes! Signups at 9pm
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Fri. 11/15
Doc & The Keynotes
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps Live Music & DJs Every Weekend! NO COVER!
No Cover! Live Music at 9:30pm Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Sat. 11/16
Live Music: Man Takes the Sky, Sight Obscene, Cavern
Live Music & DJ’s Every Saturday Night!
Check Us Out During the Week for Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Come in on Sunday for $1 Tacos!
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Closed
Tues. 11/19
Salsa Night w/ Dj Steve Greene
Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps Burger Special Buy One, Get One free Te-quil-ya Tuesdays
1/2 Price Burger Night! 4-11pm, Dine-in Only Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
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Wed. 11/20
Live Music: The Wans w/ Special Guests
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Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Sun. 11/17 Mon. 11/18
Emilio’s Brunch Starting at Noon! Plus 1/2 Off Wings Radio Rubber Room: Crushed Purple, Fight Cloud
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Deny Finals: Throw a Post Halloween Party! By: Kalsey Hanratty Halloween season is over and things are getting bleak around Richmond. The weather is getting colder and finals are about to leave their bite marks in all our asses. We know we don’t want to face the upcoming bleak future that is finals week, so why not deny the passing of time by throwing a post Halloween party! Scavenge your house for leftover Halloween residue and toss it in a bin. Anything Halloween related goes in, and the more stuff you have the easier it will be to forget your impending academic doom. Throw in your leftover fake blood, dumb decorations that your mother sent you, Werther’s Originals that your grandmother sent you, costumes that were tossed to the side after long drunken walks home covered in sweat and puke that’s probably not even yours. Anything! Call your friends over and tell them to bring their Halloweeny stuff too. Once you have it all together, you can throw a post-Halloween partay! Costumes: Since Richmond is such a diverse and artistic city, it won’t be hard to find some interesting costumes in the bunch you’ve gathered. Make sure no one has all the pieces to one costume. The point is to make an entirely new costume from the scraps that are left. You can zombify anything with fake blood, so be original, Werther’s Original. Zombie Werther’s Original? Food and Drinks: Party food isn’t really a necessity, but at a Halloween party you gotta bring the sweet like Tyler Perry in Madea movies. Not too much though, you
don’t want people recreating the Willy Wonka Chocolate Fountain in your bathroom. Throw all the leftover candy you didn’t want into a big ass bowl and enjoy. And if no one eats it, you’ll always have munchies during tomorrow morning’s hangover. For drinks, all you have to do is gather the dregs of Halloween-themed alcohol you were too pussy to finish before October finished. Just don’t pour it all into one bucket and call it jungle juice, that’s a good way to make everyone sicknasty, and all those pumpkin flavors might actually form into a giant, drunken, man-eating pumpkin. Decorations: With the leftover costumes and decorations you’ll have an abundance of things to hang on the walls. t-shirts covered in fake blood, masks, and dangly spiders make for cheap decorations. You can also always just throw up some black trash bags over the windows, hang some from the ceiling fan and call it a haunted house. Write “GET OUT!” and “YOU’RE GONNA DIE” on some pieces of paper and tape them to the walls. If anything, people passing by might just think you’re a really intense studier. After Halloween is a depressing time of the year in Richmond. School is basically the only thing happening, the wind bites at your face every time you step outside, sickness spreads like the plague, and there is an entire month until you have a reason to celebrate and get drunk. So let’s make it a new holiday and celebrate that fact that we love celebrating.
The Black Sheep Interviews: Indie Director Todd Sklar By: Brendan “Film director,” you think flashing lights, red carpet treatment, the power to just…Steve if you don’t get this take right you are finished in this town, do you hear me?! Not so fast, what about those directors still hauling themselves up one rung of the Hollywood ladder at a time? Todd Sklar is one of these indie directors, and with his recent release, Awful Nice, making the rounds, we decided to chat with him to see what the life of an up-and-coming director is actually like.
life. If you want to be doing it, it’s all-encompassing. It’s bad. You’re always doing work, thinking about doing work, finding work, doing work to get more work, if you’re not working you feel like you’re wasting time… Any career where you’re in a situation where you’re pursuing something outside of that nine-to-five, you have to work nonstop to get there, whether it’s a start-up, even an athlete. It’s all-encompassing if you want to be good.
The Black Sheep: You were a college student who dropped out to pursue a career in film, what was the impetus for that? Todd Sklar: I had an absolute blast in college. I loved it. I probably didn’t work hard enough studying, but I’d say I used most of what I’d learnt in college—both inside the classroom and out—after I left the University of Missouri. It helped me in the career I chose, but also helped refine what I wanted to do in that career. It was finding passion in filmmaking, and realizing the career I was looking towards was not one you typically go to college for, then landed a job after. I should note that this was halfway through my fifth year of college— I was a fifth-year senior when I recognized that a degree in theater acting would not help me become a filmmaker.
TBS: You say you fell into directing to better convey your writing vision, how do you balance working with people, but getting across the vision you set for yourself? Todd: I don’t know. I’ve only done a few features, I don’t know if I’ve figured that out yet, because in my experience, I’ve had great people and horrible people. The great people, they’re doing things and helping you through things that are so big, that these talented people help you make your ideas better. It’s incredible. I’ve had the other side too, people who are miserable to work with that and extremely unable to do the job they’re supposed to do. In that case it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, but you can’t do it any better either. It’s very dependent on the people you’re working with. It’s more about them than it is about you.
TBS: How do you get to the point where you’re directing your own films? Todd: I started making shorts, trying to learn how to make movies. I made a lot of bad ones for a while. I made like, fifteen horrible, horrible short films before I made one that was kind of good. I made my second one that was okay, and it was so much work I decided I wanted to make a feature next. After that, I had an idea that was a feature, I was 23 at the time, I watched 3 movies a night with DVD commentary. I gave it a go to see how it works. It was a learning experience—you learn while you’re doing it.
TBS: Your new movie, Awful Nice, how did that change or mature over the span of the creative process? Todd: It changed drastically. We did not have a very good shoot on this movie and the final movie is a shell of the script we wrote. In a weird way it became its own movie when we were shooting it, and again when we were editing it. The movie came out with a lot more physical comedy, a lot quicker, punchier than the script. Films, in a lot of ways, become indicative of what you’re going through at the time, and this film in specific, I was going through some growing pains, and the movie reflects that.
TBS: What does a director do, exactly? Todd: I come from a different background than a lot of directors. I never wanted to be a director, I always wanted to be a storyteller, and writing always comes first. Directing, for me, is making sure what comes out is the story that we wrote. As a result, I’m very much an actors’ director. All you’re doing is trying to get a bunch of other people to do things with you and for you, to get your story across. Usually you’re doing that because you can’t do what they do. If I knew how to get great sound, I could do it, but there’s a guy who is doing it because he’s better at it than I am. He can elevate my results. It’s a pretty humbling, and uh, terrible job.
TBS: Are there benefits to sticking in the indie genre, or is it more people do this so they can go to a studio? Todd: For me, the stories I’m interested in telling and the style I’m interested in telling them tend towards mainstream commercial sensibilities. To be able to transition from independent filmmaker to studio filmmaker you either need to have a lot of confidence and trust in people you’ll be working with, or you have to have a complete lack of care for your story, or it has to be about your career, or you have to be obsessed with the technical side of things. For me, I’m not a technically gifted filmmaker, so transitioning from an independent filmmaker to a studio filmmaker has a lot to do with confidence in myself as a filmmaker. I’ve had an opportunity for studio work, but it’s not something I’m dying to do quite yet.
TBS: How all-encompassing is what you’re doing? Todd: It’s definitely destroys any ability to have a normal
TBS: And speaking of the difference between studio and indie movies, with Awful Nice, you have a pretty big star in Christopher Merloni. Were you concerned at all with if or how he’d pull weight? Todd: All of my problems thus far with filmmaking has come from crew, not from the actors. There’s very much this level of professionalism—I’ll say this: When you have trouble with actors, they’re not invested in the project. In Awful Nice, all of the actors were invested in the project, and they were so helpful in covering up some chaos created by the crew. Very fortunate to have actors like that, and Merloni specifically was exceptionally helpful, not just as an actor, but as a mentor, a guy who came in and gave notes in a script that had nothing to do with his character. TBS: How do you deal with outside criticism, both positive and negative? Todd: You have to take it with a grain of salt. But, for me, there’s two goals: To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story. So, both positive and negative criticism help better that process by letting you know what you did well, or if someone’s critiquing something, it can tell you what you could be doing better, or where you may have failed story-wise. TBS: Is this a good time, historically, for someone who wants to get involved in moviemaking to do so? Todd: It’s the best time in the history of our existence to be doing this. At the same time, I think the danger to that is that it’s something you can do for a while before you realize it’s not what you want to be doing. I equate it to joining the army. I assume that if you join the Army, you’ll figure out pretty quickly whether or not it’s for you. Filmmaking isn’t like that. Especially nowadays, there’s so many ways to work that you can do it for five or ten years before you realize it’s not for you. There’s such a low barrier of entry, that there’s also such a low barrier to getting more deeply involved with it. The playing field has leveled out quite a bit. TBS: On IMDB a user named JonCharbineux writes, “Todd and Alex came home with my one of my roommates, who was trying to get laid, but they ditched her and stayed up watching die hard with me our other roommate until about 4am. We made ice cream pancakes and popped in Die Hard 2 and I passed out shortly after. When I woke up the next morning, Todd was in my bed and Alex was in Ben’s (my other roommate) and we were both on the couch. We found out later that they stole a bunch of our beer and a box of trisquits. WTF? “ Care to comment? Todd: Wow, when did that happen? That definitely sounds like something I’d do, but not recently. When was this written? TBS: April 2010. Todd: Oh yeah, I know exactly who that is, and yes, that did happen. 2010 was a weird year for everyone.
Bartender of the Week What is the silliest thing you’ve cooked or baked in an oven?: Iron skillet lobster mac n cheese.
Relationship status: Single Major: Clinical Exercise Physiology Minor: Nutrition
What would you think to yourself when you see a person with a flip cell phone?: I’m actually all about the downgrade; flip phones should make a comeback.
Favorite Drink: Jorge’s Cantina avocado margarita Favorite shot: Avion Reposado Disgusting Drink: Sea breeze (not a fan of grapefruit juice) What would your online dating profile be?: Must love dogs. Who’s the sexiest comic book character?: Lenny Kravitz’s daughter in X-Men: 1st Class, Zoe Kravitz.
BRadley of Jorge’s Cantina
How do you look at yourself in the mirror after what you’ve done?: I consider myself to be a moral person. If I ever do something that I might regret I try to make it right. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Reminds me of other Richmond parody papers The Punch Line and The Brick, they were comical with great news stories.
Recipe for disaster
Drinking Game Canoe Race
Brownout Burrito
A throwback to the high school garage party days. The Canoe Race is a quick game of a 2-person flip cup and pong hybrid that will get you belching and buzzing in no time flat.
This is one of those meals that you wouldn’t eat unless you were somewhat inebriated. Okay … very inebriated. This burrito will satisfy all your needs when you return to your apartment without a slampiece, and fall back on eating to make up for your lack of game. And it saves you money not having to buy it at Chipotle.
What You’ll Need: 16 red cups, 2 ping pong balls, a table and beers. Number of Players: 4 players Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a lot in ya pretty fast. How to Play: - Split up into two teams of two and stand on opposite sides of the table, each team having one ping pong ball. - Set up four cups in front of each person, Bozo Buckets-style. - Pour beer into each cup, about a quarter of the way up. - When you’re ready, the first people with the ping pong balls try to shoot across their table into their partner’s cups. - If you make a cup, your partner has to chug the beer in the cup and flip it onto the table. - Once your partner completes this, they shoot the ball back across the table to your cups. When they make it, you do the same—chug the beer, flip the cup and keep shooting. - There are no pauses in this game, so don’t wait for the other team to shoot or anything like that. The only time you have to wait before shooting is while your teammate is flipping their cup. They have to have that completed first before taking their turn. The Game Ends When: All of your team’s cups have been flipped!
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What is the silliest thing you’ve ever cried about?: In My Dog Skip when [the dog] gets on the bed and dies.
Would you rather have a hornless unicorn, or a horse with a horn?: I’d choose a unicorn because they can fly.
What You’ll Need: An oven, a microwave, Easy Mac, pizza rolls, a tortilla, Tabasco sauce, chopped lettuce, hot peppers and any other toppings of your choice. Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: You’ll poop it out. No big deal. Let’s Get Baked: - Put the pizza rolls in the oven and let them cook for 15 minutes. - When the pizza rolls are done cooking, take them out of the oven. While they’re cooling off, put the Easy Mac in the microwave for 3 minutes. - Once the pizza rolls have cooled off, wrap them up in the tortilla. - Pour the Easy Mac on top of the pizza rolls. - Drizzle Tabasco sauce over everything, as much or as little as you want. - Put the lettuce and hot peppers on top, along with any other garnishes that strike your fancy (shredded cheese, anyone?). - Roll it up burrito-style and chow down. Mmm, tastes even better when it comes back out.
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Cabell Campout By: Elena Correa
Cabell Library: the best place, other than Monroe Park, to catch people sleeping. That booth may look empty from behind, but don’t get too excited. Take a closer look and you’ll see someone passed out, open-mouthed, dripping drool on the keyboard of their laptop with books and notes scattered everywhere. Don’t judge, you know those booths are comfy. Get ready to see more and more sleep-deprived students, because finals week is approaching. And if you plan on pulling a few all-nighters in Club Cabell, you might want to scout out a comfy spot for yourself to set up camp.
your comfy slippers, and your iPod docking station. The sound-proof rooms are perfect if you need some ambiance in the midst of wracking your brain to remember those terms you “learned” the first week of classes. Just put on your sleepytime playlist (we know you have one) and try to relax despite the fact you have a test in 4 hours and you’ve been too busy studying to catch even one Z. Some might inquire why you transferred your entire bedroom to Cabell instead of just going to your bedroom to sleep, but logic
The Booths:
If you’re too embarrassed to be seen snoozing, try the 3rd or 4th floor quiet zones. Although their tables and chairs aren’t the comfiest place to take a nap, the blinders on each side of the desks will shield you from any sort of harassment. And let’s be honest, no one goes in between the book shelves, so bring yourself a pillow and a blanket, start up a nice camp fire, and curl up in a ball. Disregard this entire paragraph if you are a loud snorer. You will get kicked out.
These are your prime spot for comfortable, inconspicuous relaxation in between your crazy cramming… if you can find one, that is. They’re the perfect little nooks, and depending on how tired you are, almost any position is comfortable. You could either slump straight over the desk, using your laptop as a warm, hard pillow, or you could stretch out and go coffin style. You could also boss it out and prop your legs up on the seat in front of you. Either way, you can’t go wrong. Also, unless you want your smushed-up face Snapchatted to everyone on campus, find a way to make your presence very unfelt.
Study Rooms:
If you’re feeling selfish, you could always reserve an entire room to yourself. But knowing Cabell, you’re gonna have to reserve it a semester ahead of time. These rooms are the perfect place if you just want to be left the hell alone. Go ahead and bring that stuffed animal you’ve been drooling on since age 5,
The Quiet Zones:
The great thing about finals week, and the weeks leading up to it, is that we’re all boiling in our personal hells together. If someone judges you for passing out on your books, they’re either failing their classes or they’re the Tony Stark of the Engineering Dept. So go ahead, make yourself at home. Don’t worry about being homely! Sleeping in the library is just as good as studying there, right? Hell, who wants to study in skinny jeans and pumps? No one. Put your hand down, rebellious guy in the back.
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American Holidays ACROSS 2) Held every November 11th. 4) Or, Singles Awareness Day. 5) Celebrate the beginning of a new year on the Hebrew calendar, two words. 6) March 8th is a day to celebrate this perfect species. 7) This day happens every four years on January 20th. 10) The Friday after Thanksgiving is this color. 12) The third Monday in January celebrates the what of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? 14) We celebrate this Saint by dyeing the Chicago River green. 16) Important Jewish holiday that occurs in the spring. 17) The Friday before Easter. 18) Bill Murray celebrates this day over and over and over. 19) African American holiday starting on December 26th.
crossword
DOWN 1) 8-day Jewish holiday in the winter. 3) Earth Day is a celebration of what? 8) The day to celebrate â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;MURICA!!! 9) This day marks the end of the Ten Days of Penitence, two words. 11) Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army defeating which army? 12) A day for planting trees. 13) Gettinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; crazy in New Orleans, two words.
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Flipping through cosmo
madlib I was on my way to ___1___ , sipping a
___2___ double-whipped, non-fat ___3___ latte or something, and I decided to pick up the Bible for college girls: Cosmo. ___4___ is on the cover and I love her! Her ___5___ is perfect and, personally, I don’t think she has a ___6___ problem, but if she does, who cares?
there, on the waitress, boom. No one got laid that night. Then there’s the beauty section, which had a list of ___11___ face masks. Who knew that rubbing that all over my ___12___ would make it shinier? Who knew you even wanted that shinier? There was also a guide to choosing the right color of ___13___ for your skin tone. They said ___14___ would be perfect for my ___15___ ? Uhm, okay.
Right away I flipped to the embarrassing stories section because it’s crazy how crazy they are!!! There was a story of a girl who ___7___ ed on a first date! You couldn’t make that shit up!!! They were ___8___ -deep in some endless ___9___ and ___10___ and then right 1: Academic building 2: Size 3: Italian word 4: Has-been celebrity
5: Body part 6: Drug 7: Bodily function 8: Body part 9: Appetizer
10: Fruity alcoholic drink 11: Root vegetable 12: Body part 13: Type of makeup 14: Obscure color
A flipped through the sex tips, which said that using ___16___ and my ___17___ to give a ___18___ to a guy would make him really like me. I’m skeptical. Then there was something about the ___19___ ___20___ -___21___ position and I was like, whoa. Can’t I get more embarrassing stories up in here? Lastly there was a column about making ___22___ , which I totally clipped and put on my mini-fridge!
15: Facial feature 16: Salad dressing 17: Appendage 18: Type of oral sex 19: Foreign country
20: Direction 21: Body part 22: Drink from #10
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