The Black Sheep's
Fun and games issue
keep up all summer @BlackSheep_VCU
contents page 4: The Quiz: What Famous Alumni are You?
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 6
Cross your fingers and hope it’s not the one that’s on trial for murder.
page 5: Are You Smarter Than?: Ashley, a Fish Bowl Bartender Clearly, fish make terrible bar patrons.
page 6: School’s Out for Summer Because you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone.
Table of
page 6: Top Ten Ways to Leave Your Mark at VCU Hopefully it’s nothing scarring.
page 7: From the Streets What’s the First Thing You’re Going to Do After Your Last Exam?
page 13: Better Living Through Havoc: Applying Shaka Smart’s Principles to Finals Week Trap the grades. Pressure the professor. Score easy A’s in transition.
page 13
now hiring!
Why wouldn't you want to work somewhere with unlimited koozies and a "pants are optional" policy?
Marketing, Sales, Promotions, Writing, Groupies, & More!
apply online at theblacksheeponline.com
page three p e e h S k c a l B e h T ile App
! k e e W e h t f o c i P
Mob
G GAMES IN K IN R D | S PARTY PIC | S L IA C E BAR SP SCAN TO DOWNLOAD
THE iPHONE APP
SCAN TO DOWNLOAD
THE ANDROID APP
Sexy Anagrams
Did someone call room service and order the meat lover’s manwich? (Want to become famous next week?)
Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
Anal Will Limo Sis
Do you know who these celebrity hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
Coda Keno last week’s answers
Chanel West Coast & Matthew Morrison
word of the week Reticents: The last five dollars in a college
student’s bank account, which they are hesitant to spend. “Emilio only had $2.36 in reticents in his bank account, so he put the ramen back on the shelf and left the grocery store hungry.”
page 4
the Quiz
1) When going out with friends, you can usually be found wearing… a) Going out?! That’s ridiculous! I have entirely too much to study. b) The clothes I spent all day working in the arts and crafts building in. You don’t need to impress people, that’s the job of my art! c) OMG! This super-beautiful, hip, sparkly mini-dress I bought at Rumors last week.
2) On a beautiful afternoon, you can usually be found in the Compass or in Monroe Park soaking up the sun and listening to… a) Some underrated Indie song you’ve probably never heard of. b) As long as I got my suit and tie… c) Classical! It makes studying so much more enjoyable! 3) You just discovered the most amazing elective and you can’t wait to take it! But what is it? a) A theatre class where you get to practice your angelic singing voice. b) An extra biochemistry class! Goody! c) An art elective, like sculpting and painting my emotions. 4) It’s 9 a.m. and you’re in line at the Cabell Starbucks to get some coffee, what kind of
theblacksheeponline.com
Which Famous VCU Alum are YOU? coffee do you get? a) When I’m not supporting local coffee shops (which everyone should do) I like to always get something off of the Starbucks secret menu I found on Tumblr. b) A venti caramel frap. With two extra shots. It gets me peppy! c) Black coffee. The taste doesn’t matter, but I just pulled two all-nighters and am in desperate need of energy. 5) Fast forward to the weekend, it’s 10 p.m. on a Friday night, where can we find you? a) Pre-gaming with my sisters or a campus frat. b) Studying at Cabell or MCV! There’s entirely too much for me to learn for med school to go out every (or any) weekend! c) High as giraffe pussy doing something artist in public. I know, incognito street art, singing at some open mic on Cary, etc. 6) You kicked ass last semester and got a bit of scholarship money. Because of this, VCU just sent you a refund check for $1,000! What do you spend it on? a) I would donate the money to the Massey Center at MCV! It might help me get into med school… b) Spend the money buying art supplies for
answers answers answers
this semester! Plaza’s starting to charge an arm and a leg and a brotha/sista needs golden acrylic paint. c) Hit Short Pump and show H&M and Forever 21 who’s boss! Then, donate the rest to an organization that helps children… somewhere in the world. 7) If you’re trying to get on another level, what is your substance of choice to abuse? a) Vodka. A vodka drunk is a more manageable drunk. b) There’s nothing like a few hits of a blunt to make your creativity and conversation flow. c) What are you talking about? I’ve rarely been ducked up on anything ever… 8) Here it comes… one of the most dreaded questions for all students ever… what are your plans after graduation? a) Not entirely sure. The job market right now is kind of hard for art students... I’d like to work in my field, but if not, I’ll teach the subject I love the most. b) I just want to be cultured, awesome, and working in the entertainment industry or party planning… if all else fails! c) I’ve got a set plan to become a doctor. If anything, I just want to help people – saving lives, for the win!
1) a = 1 b = 3 c =2 • 2) a = 3 b = 2 c = 1 • 3) a =2 b = 3 c =1 • 4) a =3 b = 2 c = 1 5) a = 2 b =1 c= 3 • 6) a = 1 b = 3 c = 2 • 7) a = 2 b = 3 c = 1 • 8) a = 3 b =2 c =1
RELAX WITH A $30 MASSAGE
8-13 Points: You are PATCH ADAMS: Working your ass off and being anti-social now is going to pay off handsomely for you in the future! Your desire to help others and succeed will get you so far in life, Robin Williams will star in a movie about you. Despite your slightly nerdiness in college, you’re going to make some really big moves in the world. 14-19 Points: You are CARESSA CAMERON: Congratulations! You’re beautiful, fun and popular! Most girls want to be you and if you’re into pagents, you might just win Miss America one day. The good thing about you is that you’re grounded and not a pain in the vagina at all about your looks. People really appreciate that. Keep calm and be overwhelmingly beautiful. Seriously though, we don’t know if we want to be you or be on you… can we stare at you until we figure it out? 20-24 Points: You are SAM BEAM AKA IRON AND WINE: Your artsy-ness can be a bit overwhelming, but goddamn, you’re talented. Don’t listen when people tell you that majoring in art was stupid! Despite your rugged appearance that sometimes might read to others as “homeless,” you’re going to run circles around that stupid Econ major who told you that there are no jobs in art. We predict that although you might be really excellent at one section of art, you might find your career path in another genre of creation that you’re equally good at. Godspeed, and don’t forget to trim your beard from time to time.
OFF CAMPUS HOUSING, JUST STEPS AWAY FROM VCU
Exclusively for VCU Students and Faculty
OFFICE LOCATED @
GET A 1 HOUR MASSAGE FOR 1/2 OFF BOOK YOURS TODAY!
900 West Franklin St. Richmond, VA 23220 804-358-7022
BY APPOINTMENT ONLY • MUST PRESENT CURRENT VCU ID CARD
Richmond@landmarkpm.co
OPEN HOUSE FROM 2-5PM
EVERY MONDAY, THURSDAY & SATURDAY IN MAY
CHESTERFIELD & STUART COURT APARTMENTS STUDIOS, 1, 2, 3 & 4 BEDROOMS
CALL OR TEXT FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT TODAY! ELIZABETH A. MAURER DOULA CARE AND MASSAGE THERAPIES 919 W. GRACE ST, SUITE A | (804) 592-9838 | TRINITYDOULA-MASSAGE.COM
PET FRIENDLY!!! SOME UTILITIES INCLUDED LAUNDRY ROOM ON-SITE SECURED ENTRANCES 24HR. EMERGENCY MAINTENANCE
page 5
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
are you smarter than? ashley, a bartender at fish bowl
1) Technology: Who is the largest cell phone service provider in the United States? __________________________________________________
6) Slogans: What car company trumps themselves as the "Ultimate Driving Machines"? __________________________________________________
2) The Wild: The black mamba is the most poisonous what in the world? __________________________________________________
7) Famous Speeches: Which President of the United States issued a warning against the rise of the militaryindustrial complex in his farewell address? __________________________________________________
3) History: Bushido was a way of life practiced by these romanticized warriors of days past. __________________________________________________ 4) Comedy: Famously, where does SNL character Matt Foley live? __________________________________________________ 5) Sports: In 2012 R.A. Dickey won what prestigious award? __________________________________________________
9) Current Events: The bombs used in the recent Boston Marathon bombings were housed in what? __________________________________________________ 10) TV: What much-loved TV show sparked rumors of a comeback ten years after going off the air? __________________________________________________
1) Verizon 2) Snake 3) Samurai 4) In a van down by the river 5) Cy Young/NL Cy Young 6) BMW 7) Dwight D. Eisenhower 8) Friedrich Engels 9) Pressure cookers 10) Friends
correct answers
8) Politics: Who co-authored 1848's The Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx? __________________________________________________
ashley's answers 1. Verizon 2. Snake 3. Japanese Samurais 4. In a van down by the river! 5. Some type of
pitcher of the year. 6. BMW 7. Eisenhower 8. Engels? 9.Pressure cookers 10. Hawaii 5-0
ashley's score: 8/10 correct
we deliver food, beer, wine, champagne and cigarettes DELIVERY HOURS: Monday - Sunday 11am to 10pm 2631 West Cary Street • 804.353.7445 carystreetcafe.com
• music daily •
page 6
The
Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
Ways to leave your mark at VCU
With less than two weeks of school left, you’re feeling wistful and introspective. “How will people know that I rocked the fuck out of VCU?” you wonder. Wonder no more, here are ten ways to leave your mark on VCU. 10.) Start a food fight at Shafer: “Could you pass me the milk?” never sounded more soothing to the ears, especially after you failed your final exam and need to take out your milky frustration on some dope getting Pizza Hut. “Tossing the salads” takes on a different meaning when it flies across the table. 9.) Have sex on the Compass, film it, and upload video to YouPorn: Evangelists stand on the Compass and relay convicting messages. You’ll respond by having wild sex. There will be two full moons that night, both will be remembered by everyone forever. 8.) Join the fourth floor Cabell club: Keep in mind how challenging the fourth floor is, a place where sneezes don’t receive “bless you’s,” and flipping through pages gets one “shushed.” Leave your mark by letting out some of the most epic farts known to mankind, then sneaking away to a tent you have stashed in the basement. No one will find you, and your farts will prevail.
SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER Nathan Heintschel wrote this It’s that time again; another semester is left to the history books alongside Alice Cooper’s relevance as spring concedes to summer. The Black Sheep has taken it upon ourselves to reminisce about what you will miss most about VCU while you’re on break. Yoga Pants: Yes, you’ll see a couple pairs over the summer. However, you won’t see that push up bra for butts to the same degree that you saw on campus, especially if those pairs you see are on your sister or mom. As you waste away at the local swimming pool making shit fifty an hour, you might run into some of your female peers who reminded you of rap video extras when you were in high school. Alas, these girls who so often stretched out that beautifully thin fabric are now oddly pancakeish. So while you weep on the lifeguard stand, just think back to the days of loitering in the Compass with your darkest shades on as you just stared at ASS ASS ASS ASS. Free Shit: Picture this: You’re in your local convenience store, and you see those cans of overly-caffeinated, diabetes-guaranteeing drinks that vendors are always giving free samples of on the Compass. Purely out of habit, you pick up cans until you can’t hold anymore, and proceed to leave the store to stash your newfound treasure. Alas, that pissed off cashier at the convenience store is demanding you put the drinks back. You’re annoyed at the cashier’s demands. You violently throw the cans on the ground and enter a bout of fisticuffs as the cans fizz everywhere. Unfortunately for you, the cashier is only working at the store as part of his parole, and he uses this opportunity to try out his new butterfly knife.
As you bleed out on the horrifically disgusting corner store floor, covered in those shitty drinks you don’t even like that much, you’ll long for the days where you got free shit and didn’t make the news. Seeing Shaka Smart in person: As VCU students we are granted the opportunity to see one of the most highly regarded college basketball coaches on a daily basis. We’ve all been there; you’re walking across the Compass, hellaciously bumping into everyone as you update your Twitter, when divine intervention causes you to look up from your phone. Walking in front of you, surrounded in a gold aura as angels fly around him singing hymns, is that signature shaved head and goatee. No, that isn’t a well groomed unicorn, it’s Shaka Smart, and as you fight off the need to scream like a middle school girl, he disappears into the sunset. Fast forward to mid-July, when ESPN is doing there early season bball predictions, and Shaka is plastered on your TV. You’re guaranteed to miss that time you almost said hi to him before you sheepishly looked down and walked away, similar to the time you almost asked out the hot girl at The Fish Bowl. It goes without saying that you’ll miss The Black Sheep, but we’ll mention it anyway. Of course, we’ll miss you too, and we hope everyone (bikers too) had a good semester. Try not to go crazy from VCU withdrawals, and get admitted to a hospital with padded rooms, shivering and asking where Shaka is. That would be sad, and we love you too much to let that happen, so be sure to regularly check theblacksheeponline.com/campus/vcu to see what’s happening while you’re gone!
7.) Lead a protest: Are you angry about something? It’s about time for a brave soul to stand against the rise of tuition, or whatever. Hold signs and protest outside of Dr. Rao’s office, and people will remember you as “that guy who held a sign with just a penis drawn on it outside of Dr. Rao’s office for 20 hours straight.” 6.) Innocent graffiti: Change the lives of a few lucky students by drawing a nice set of balls, or a small cartoon involving graphic nudity. It’s a college bathroom so think “would what I’m drawing scar an 8-year-old?” If the answer is no, then think bigger and dickier. 5.) Robbin’ Hood: Our school is known for its arts program so we’re guessing makeup artists are plentiful. Find one, gather a handful of warm-hearted friends, paint your face like an old crusty man, dress up like a homeless person, and collect change. Once the group has finished begging for nickels and dimes, donate all the proceeds to the VCU Massey Cancer Center. 4.) Confess, to a professor: Write a meaningful poem about Dr. ________ and when s/he steps out of the office, proclaim your reverence. Check Blackboard and tweet us how many points they awarded you for making them blush. We’ll publish everything, creating to the greatest sex scandal to ever hit VCU since Rodney the Ram gazed into the wrestler’s showers for ten seconds too long. 3.) Get inked: Find the nearest tattoo parlor and get painfully penned down for a few days. Ram horns are cooler than angel wings, especially on the forehead. Technically speaking, this is VCU leaving its mark on you, but who’s counting? 2.) Offensive Graffiti: The Cabell Library has been torturing you for a few weeks and now it’s just asking to be vandalized. You’ll need a 30-foot ladder and fucktons of spray paint, but it’ll be worth it by the time you’re finished. We recommend starting your graffiti with a famous painting, then reinventing it by spray-painting a bunch of scrotums on it. 1.) Work for us: Sorry, but your judgmental parents were wrong when they told you to not to talk to strangers. Strangers have the best candy. Also, the strangest people intern for The Black Sheep. We know there’s talent out there – we request that you stop hiding and get into our van… er, writer’s room.
Daniel Park wrote this
[PartyPics]
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What's the first thing you're going to do after your last Exam? “Soak in a kiddie pool in my front yard with a glass of red wine.” - Lauren L.
“Lay out in the sun and read the 4th book in the Game of Thrones series.” - Alexis L.
“Sell back text books and buy booze.” - Logan W.
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
Fish Bowl
, s d n e , Fri r o v a Fl ! t s a e F Bistro Bar 101 South 15th street | (804) 562-1438 | 11am-2am daily
Carytown Bistro
The Food and Event Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Live Music every Tues, Wed, Fri. & Sat., Check our FB Page!
EVERYDAY! VCU Student Discount: 10% Off EVERYDAY! (**MUST SHOW ID**)
MONDAY! Open Mic Night 1/2 off Burgers ‘n’ Fries
THURSDAY: RVA Pong! Cash prizes! Signups at 9pm
Tuesday - Saturday: 5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm Mention The Black Sheep and receive 10% off!
THUR. 5/2
The Trongone Band 10pm, NO COVER! 1/2 Price Apps 4-6pm XBox 360 Rockband 9pm
$1.00 off ANY Panini OPEN MIC NIGHT! 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM
Blue Lotus Collective: Solace Sovay, The Badrats, Anthony Harrison $2 tacos (beef, chicken, vegetarian friendly)
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps RVA Pong! Cash prizes! Signups at 9pm
5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm
FRI. 5/3
E-String Al Acoustic 4-6pm, NO COVER! 1/2 price Apps 4-6pm
20% off ANY Signature Latte
Doc Branch & The Keynotes Fish ‘n’ Chips w/ cole slaw
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps Live Music & DJs Every Weekend! NO COVER!
5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm
SAT. 5/4
Open-Jam w/ Dave Shiflett, 2-5pm, Free!
Student Discount: 10% off anything (MUST SHOW ID) Live Jazz Every Other Saturday Night
The Downtown Connection 1/2 off Paella!
Live Music & DJs Every Weekend! NO COVER!
5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm
SUN. 5/5
Tripp & Jenny, Old-Time Jam Session, 2-5pm, Free! Karaoke 9:30 pm
VCU Student Discount: 10% off EVERYDAY! (**MUST SHOW ID**)
Acoustic Night w/ Andres Santamaria
Pitcher of Bud Lt., Coors Lt. or Miller Lt. AND a Plate of Jumbo Wings for $11.99
Brunch Carafe Specials!
MON. 5/6
1/2 price apps 4-6pm Karaoke 9:30 pm
Show Student ID = 15% Discount on Total Price
Open Mic Night 1/2 off Burgers ‘n’ Fries
Low Tide 4-8 pm: $2 OFF Select Apps
Closed
TUES. 5/7
ChampJam! feat. members of Former Champions plus different guests every week, 10pm, Free! 1/2 price apps 4-6pm
Buy ANY sandwich and get a FREE Small Latte!
Salsa Night! 1/2 off regular sized tapas
Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps Burger Special Buy One, Get One free Te-quil-ya Tuesdays
5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm
1/2 price apps 4-6pm
Buy ANY Coffee or Coffee Drink and get a FREE Muffin Top from 7:00 AM - 10:00 AM
Comedy Night w/ April Dowdy 3 course meal with bottle of wine $40
Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps College Night! Show Your ID For Great Specials
5 for $5 Appetizers until Close Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm
WED. 5/8
page 9
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
the wordsearch
fireworks! insanamania
snakes
james bomb
sparklers
bamboozle
roman
wacko
candle
craizy daizy
blastoid
pyro gyro
black widow
whistling bungholes
willow
cherry bomb
krazy kaplan
scooter
bombette brocade
stick husker do husker dont
firefly fountain
MONROE PROPERTIES www.MonroeProperties.com 804.643.3098
Facebook.com/MonroeProperties Twitter: @Monroeprop Apartment Buildings with
Studios, One, Two and Three Bedrooms
Single Family Homes
with up to Five Bedrooms
Duplexes Conveniently Located
Close to VCU/MCV Campus
Brand New Modern Buildings
and Historic Renovated Properties
Pet Friendly
VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER SPECIALS!! CALL US TODAY!!
Jackson Ward ~ Monroe Ward ~ Oregon Hill ~ Old Manchester ~ Shockoe Bottom ~ VCU/MCV ~ Museum District
page 10
THE
THE RIDDLE
theblacksheeponline.com
Do you know what's going on here?! Email us the question the riddle is asking plus the answer to said question, to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win something sweet!
summer music FESTIVAL MATRIX
want to hit up some sick festies this year, man? can't decide which ones you want to spend your parents’ money on? chill out, we've got a matrix to help narrow down some of the options for you.
passing the bar
If you're too cool for Burnett's or stopped shooting Smirnoff months ago, well la-di-dah. Test your knowledge on these blank liquor labels to see how well you know your stuff. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, you'll win a prize.
page 13
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
Better Living Through HAVOC: Applying Shaka Smart’s Principles to Finals Week J’Dinklage Morgoone wrote this When Shaka Smart first came to VCU he brought with him the idea of HAVOC: more than a defensive system, it was a philosophy, a training plan, and a really fun word to say. Try it out: Havoc. Havoc. It’s good. Havoc isn’t just what our basketball team does on the court; it’s what they do off the court as well. So, with that in mind, The Black Sheep has thought up some ways to incorporate the idea of HAVOC into the hellscape that is the last week of school (and for some of you, the last week of school ever). Train hard. Then train harder: After a semester of slacking off, your grades are looking like something they wouldn’t even serve in Shafer. You need this grade, so act like it. Incorporate a regimen of shoving your nose in a book and not letting up until you know everything in it. This is grueling work, so if it doesn’t feel like you’re about to have an aneurysm, you aren’t doing it right. Hire an ex-Navy SEAL if you can find one. If you can’t, just have one of your ROTC friends yell at you and call you names when you can’t remember the golden ratio, or the socioeconomic themes of Middlemarch. Always be pressing: Studying is one thing, but you need to have the attitude to go with it. You are a lean, mean studying machine that runs off of lattes and fear. Fear of what? Fear of having to take this class again next semester. Fear of not getting a degree and having to serve lattes to stressed-out college students. Your job is not to gaze at your navel, your job is to attack attack attack the knowledge and retain it and turn it into points (on exams). Even when you feel like you’ve got this down, never let up. You
are a well-conditioned killing machine and you are going to destroy some finals, so body up and crush it. No quitting early if you don’t know something or you think you’ve “done enough.” It is never enough until the test is crumpled on the floor in agony, wondering how someone went so hard on it for an hour and fortyfive minutes. Location, location, location: Studying in a noisy dorm room? Prepping in the Compass because you like the fresh air? Doing some prewriting in the bar down the street because it’s happy hour and you think better when you’ve got a buzz on? Sitting next to the window during the exam so you can gaze out and feel “renewed”? No you’re not. Much like the trap, finals week is all about location. Don’t bring that weak “Oh, I like to feel relaxed in my surroundings” game up in here. Do you not remember the pressing? You’re not going to get work done if you’re hanging out somewhere and getting your chillax on. You think this is a game? THIS IS NOT A GAME. Get your ass to the library and sit in silence. Think about what you’ve done, and also think about those Chem 101 formulas that you should’ve been memorizing. Be prepared to flame out spectacularly: Sometimes, no matter how bad we want it, success will elude us. Sure, we had that one time where we killed our finals, ended up with a 2.8, and totally made out with that hot dude/sexy lady who was way above our social status. But that’s not the norm. You can’t always compete with the big boys in basketball, and you can’t always ace your exams after not giving a shit for a whole semester. Like Icarus
OPEN
MIC NIGHT
EvEry Thursday 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM
Carytown Bistro & Coffee House
26 souTh auburn avE | 804.340.0272
flying too close to the sun, or Darius Theus wandering too close to Mitch McGary’s elbows, you partied too hard for too long, and now you are spiraling into the ocean/out of the lane, never to be heard from again while your dad cries and wonders what went wrong. It’s cool, though, there’s always next semester and you’re going to nail it. Remember: If you don’t do great on all of your exams, as long as you pass, there will be next semester and/or graduation to take your mind off your failures. It’s not the end of the world if you fail. Just act like it is.
Carriage House Under New Management Amenities Include: Free Utilities, High Speed Internet and Cable Walking Distance to VCU VCU Shuttle Bus Stop Individual Leases Washer/Dryer in Every Apartment 24Hr Maintenance Garage Parking Available Professional Management
For more information please call 804.343.0007, email us at CarriageHouseLLC@gmail.com or visit us at 728 West Marshall Street, Richmond, VA. Ask ab o our Fal ut l 2013 Specia l!
page 14
theblacksheeponline.com
the crossword: Studying for finals
Across 1) Literature majors’ online study buddy 4) Secret Starbucks super-strong coffee 5) Last-second study session 11) Coffee alternative for the weak 12) Hope you've taken notes since day one if you've got one of these exams 13) Don't let one audibly slip in the library 14) They always manage to break right before your paper is due 17) Look at these for last minute cramming 18) Biblioteca, according to Spaniards 19) Where to vent your #studyprobz 20) Coffee shits can be described as such DOWN 2) As finals get closer, the price of this goes higher 3) A bubbly test form 6) "Adderall Alternative" by Genetech Pharmaceutical 7) "To ___ perchance to dream" 8) Adderall and meth have this in common 9) The social networking mecca of procrastination 10) It streams hours of procrastination 12) The lifeblood of studying 15) You'll have to borrow these after never going to class 16) Scientific word for "why coffee makes you pee"
Meet The Staff campus manager Hayley Evans
Find Us At...
Editorial manager Gregory Alexander
pr/Marketing team Lorenzo Simpson, Rebecca Britt Brian Guerrero, Deanna Celmer Kenneth Jordan, Kelsey Grupp, Meredith Frick
Advertising ManagerS Tyler Harvey, Taylor Smith
campus director Quinn Myers
Writers Daniel Park, Olivia Talbott Jessica Overcash, Olivia Walthall Nathan Heinstchel, Ciara Roman Lorenzo Simpson, Sabrina Fuller distribution manager Jess Overcash Social media manager Kenneth Jordan pr/marketing manager Casey Burnett
owner Atish Doshi Founders Sarah A., Lenton A., Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Republic Mojo’s Philadeli 1800 Bar & Grill Fish Bowl First & Main Electronics The Camel Club Infuzion Posh Aurora Village Cafe Little Mexico 821 Cafe
Strange Matter Cous Cous Bellytimber Roxy Cafe Starlite Starbucks Godfreys Carry St Cafe Cha Cha’s Lucky Buddha Off The Hookah Stuffy’s Rumors
Crossroads Baja Apartments Virginia Book Mulligans Sports Head Hunters Company Bar Piccolas Absolute Tattoo Rev it UP Red Dragon China Plaza art supply City Dogs Hibbs hall shop Delux Harris Hall Apprentice Hair Monkeys Bar&Grill The Commons Salon Sidewalk Cafe Academic BuildRamz Nails Empire ing Fine Foods T T Lounge Broad and Panda Garden Good Taste Belvidere Sticky Rice Presidential Cuts Cary and BelviBodillaz 8 1/2 Canal dere
Ackell The Art building Chilli’s/Cary St Deli Snead Hall Engineering building Bleeker St Cafe Jonahs Cafeteria PLUS DORMS AND STREET TEAMS AND MORE!
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave., Suite 1 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747
the madlib “So__1__, how was college? I pray to__2__ you did well, with all that__3__ and __4__ going around.” As she looks up after deleting the last pic of her __5__ the calculus TA in the __6__ bathroom, __7__ replies, “Huh? Oh yeah, it was great, mom. I got involved in extracurriculars (twerking in front of __8__), made some great connections (__9__ dealers), and I even met some great actors (drag queens)!” Her mom responds, “Oh that’s nice! Yeah, you did tell me whatshisface, um, __10__ was visiting to answer questions. After ending the Bluetooth conversation with his bookie, her dad chimes in: “No honey it was __11__ ; you know, the one who dresses up like an old lady all the time.” Rolling her eyes behind her __12__ glasses, she groans, “Nooo, it was Spike Lee. You guys are so whit-I mean old.” “Well maybe if you helped update my __13__, I’d be in the loop.” “Mom no one cares about posts about frickin’ __14__.” “Well, you still won’t download any __15__ songs onto my iPod!”
The ride home with the parents 1) Stuck up, heiress-type name 2) Any deity 3) Drug 4) Harder drug 5) Sex Act, present tense 6) Fast food restaurant 7) Same name 8) Monument 9) REALLY HARD DRUG 10) Black actor, not Spike Lee 11) Black actor, not Spike Lee 12) Glasses brand 13) Social media site 14) Old person event 15) Pop singer 16) Sketch RVA place 17) Ratchet name 18) Ratchet name 19) Ratchet name 20) Ignorant rapper
“Too mainstream. SMH.” “Whatever that means. Sweetie, don’t talk in code.” “Daddy, I want to get an apartment in __16__ .” “Is it safe?” “Of course, police drive through there all the time. Plus I’ll be with my friends __17__, __18__, and __19__” “Did any of those have vowels? We’ll talk about it when we get home, honey. Now TURN UP dat __20__, and GIT CRAY!” “What?” “It’s amazing what you learn from your daughter’s Facebook page!”
By: Lorenzo
Live Close, Live Luxury
Hurry In! Brand NEW Student Living across from the Siegel Center! www.1200WestMarshall.com
1200w
1200w
1200w
All-Inclusive Student Living Luxury Apartments with Granite Countertops 40” HDTV in all Apartment Homes Computer Lab with Free Printing Private Study Rooms
Limited Availability U Cal l 8
s!
583 8 577 04-
Movie Theater 24 Hour Fitness Center & Yoga Studio Rooftop Terrace and Lounges