VCU - Issue 5 - 9/19/2013 by The Black Sheep

Vol. 5, Issue 5

The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

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9/19/13 - 9/25/13

VCU Fall 2013 Fashion Week BY: Sabrina Fuller Fashion Week recently wrapped in NYC, as well as here in our own backyard at VCU. The Black Sheep is here to give you the rundown of what you can expect to see around campus this semester. First up is VCU Barnes & Noble’s “Overpriced Collegiate Apparel” line. B&N opened their show with a chic cotton-poly blend sweatshirt with a blond VCU printed across the chest. This perfectly designed shirt is ideal for layering during those cold mornings that somehow turn into sweltering afternoons we’ve been experiencing here on campus. Paired with VCU’s luxury sweatpants, you are sure to establish yourself as a true Ramanista who says, “If I don’t spill on these clothes, I don’t have to wash them.”There are opportunities around VCU to get free t-shirts of course, but for an estimated $80 you could have a new snug outfit at the same cost as that textbook you didn’t buy for psych. What a bargain! The next collection to hit our brick sidewalk runway is the “Thrifty Rams” line. Several thrift stores in the Fan collaborated to bring vintage fashion to the VCU area. For the women’s collection, mini-skirts that may actually be children’s clothes and pre-ripped tights seemed to be a crowd pleaser, along with faded band tees and dusty actual-combat boots. As for the men, classic plaid shirts and never-beforewashed beanies were showcased. A special feature of this particular collection is the distinct incense-y smell that clings to each item. The total for these looks to be around $15, which means that you can ball on a budget. You may be poor, but you

can own bargain racks on racks on racks! Carytown Consignment’s collection is also managing to garner some early buzz this season. At first glance the collection seemed fairly similar to Thrifty Rams. However, the biggest difference lies in the price and quality of the clothing. Consignments are fancy thrift stores, so instead of a perfectly nice $2 Wet Seal tank top, Carytown Consignments is more likely to carry a $200 Betsey Johnson dress and sell it for $140. Sure they look the same, but they feel different. Real talk, SOMEONE call Macklemore on these people. Consignment clothing feels like money — specifically the money you should have put towards your rent this month. Oh well, you look environmentally, monetarily, and sexually aware! The last design team to showcase this semester was the Free & For Sale VCU Facebook group. These up-and-coming entreprenerds made quite a splash with their discount clothing. The Free & For Sale group boasts stock from Forever 21, Wet Seal, and Urban Outfitters, to name a few. Broke college students unite under this collection to bring “gently worn” and “barely used” name brands to campus. Shoppers are encouraged to purchase the pit-stained and “pre loved” merchandise right off the e-rack. Another plus? Most prices are negotiable. Cheap sheets for this fabulous collection can be viewed on the group Facebook page, so you don’t have to worry about getting that weird stankeye from one-legged thrift shop regulars. Whether your style is athletic, casual, or

just a wee bit dapper, there are plenty of places around VCU to get right. Sure, you could buy things that you need for school or for your apartment. Sure your car desperately needs an oil change. And sure “Chubs” is really turning up the heat

on all those back alley bets you made in March, but wouldn’t you rather spend your money supporting small businesses and student entrepreneurs in the area? Don’t you want to look less broke than you feel? Don’t you want to impress the girl at Cary

Street Gym who for some reason digs guys who still wear A&F? Don’t answer, we know you do. So heed the trends of VCU Fashion Week and break some bread for some cheap thread.

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Compass Dogs

The Good, The Bad, and the Hairy?

It’s pussy season in richmond

We look at the little pups who help get their owner laid.

the only thing worse than being at the gym? creepy catcalls while at the gym.

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Pussycat season, that is. Sorry to get your hopes up.

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An extended period in an academic year that rains down unnecessary school work onto a college student. “October’s my behemonth, man; I have 6 papers and 4 tests in a 3-week span.”

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Compass Dogs By: Kalsey Hanratty

Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay! Doggie dogs are all up in this motherfuckin’ Compass, and it’s not Snoop, since he animorphed into a lion. You might have noticed the abundance of adorable pups roaming The Compass. This is the time of year people enjoy taking their little sex magnets for a walk through campus. The Black Sheep is concerned that these adorable creatures are being taken advantage of, so we thought we’d ask them how they feel about being put on display just so their owner can get a little action err… attention, err.. exercise, that’s what we meant. We met with a frequent Compass dog first, the Chihuahua you love to coo at. He told us his name was Chico, even though that’s not what his owner calls him. The Black Sheep: Hola Chico! Chico: I don’t speak Spanish, dumbass. TBS: Oh, our apologies, it just seemed fitting. So how do you enjoy your trips to The Compass in the evenings? Chico: It’s all right. I like the cigarette smoke; this girl doesn’t let me smoke in the house. TBS: Do you enjoy seeing the other dogs? Chico: Eh, not really, they’re all a bunch of dudes. Where the bitches at around here? TBS: Where would you rather be right now? Chico: The dog kennel, you can basically do whatever you want there. And there are a lot of bitches.

TBS: Do you think about anything else besides bitches? Chico: Sniffin’ bitches. TBS: So you don’t get any pleasure out of knowing your cute little face is aiding in getting your owner laid? Chico: I mean, kind of. I’m all about the bitches gettin’ laid, ya’ feel me? TBS: Well, thanks for talking to us Chico. We hope to see you in the Compass again soon. Chico: I don’t really get a choice.

“So you don’t get any pleasure out of knowing your cute little face is aiding in getting your owner laid?” Next we met with a first-timer Compass dog. He’s a maltipoo and told us his name was Dexter. TBS: Do you enjoy coming to the Compass, Dexter? Dexter: Hell no, you people are so big and my little legs can only move so fast. Everyone wants to pick me up with their grimy hands and set me down again like I’m a dumbbell. Some of them could crush me with one hand; it scares the kibbles out of me. And then they get mad when I shit on the ground. I’d like to see what they’d

when something 30 times their size picks them up by their ass. TBS: You seem to feel pretty strongly about this, have you talked to your owner about it? Dexter: Yeah man, he doesn’t listen. He thinks it’s cute when I get mad and just laughs at me. It drives me nuts. And not the good, smelly kind of nuts! TBS: Why do you think they bring you to The Compass? Dexter: I don’t know, my little legs can only walk so far. Ten of their steps is enough exercise to last me a week. Seriously guy, just take me back home so I can watch Petflix. TBS: Well Dex, we hate to taint your innocence, but having you on the compass is a sort of mating call. It’s a way for your owner to tell all the other human “Hey, come have sex with me!” Dexter: I… what? I thought he just wanted people to love me! Not him! That selfish bastard, I’m going to shit in his bed tonight… TBS: That’s the spirit Dexter, and keep pooping in his bed until he wises up. There you have it guys, some pups just aren’t that pumped about being gawked at to make up for your sexual disadvantages in The Compass. So next time you’re blinded by cuteness and walk up to a strangers dog, remember what your own dog would think of such shallow peacocking. For shame!

Picking Up Sicklings Outside Student Health Center By: black sheep staff Within VCU’s hallowed campus lies a magical, albeit pregnancy-obsessed free clinic known as Student Health Center. It’s the place where predominantly freshmen go when they are desperately seeking a doctor’s note to get out of that first exam, the exam that weeds most freshies out of premed and into communications. Little do they know, upon request the SHS physicians will chastise their sick, fornicating souls, and only the lucky ones will escape intimately clutching the one note to rule them all. WhatSHS lacks in medical prowess, it makes up for in its “sickling” population, making it the perfect pick up destination for those seeking a younger, questionably more infectious prey than the classy dames one would find at good old Fish Bowl. You may be asking yourself why is SHS such a great place to find someone to tickle my pickle? And to answer that, we turn to some classic, tell tale signs that ensure the highest of hook-up success rates. Vulnerability: Okay, so there’s no guarantee that an SHS sickling is going to have daddy issues or just have broken up with the hindrance that is a long time high school boyfriend or girlfriend back home. But for the majority of these approximately 18-year-old sicklings, they will have just recently severed ties with mommy and daddy and have very little idea of how to nurse themselves back to health. That’s not to say us Van Wilder in our mid-twenties know anything about taking proper care of ourselves or others — if we actually still have a dentist we haven’t been to see him in years, we often use borrowed student loan money to pay off other borrowed money, and many of us may have not even been able to keep a Chia Pet alive, let alone a pet or another human. However, confidence is key, and luring a vulnerable sickling to your pad under the pretense of nursing him or her back to health allows for the

possibility of undressing followed by four to seven minutes of grunting. Finally, throw some dirt on that open gash and “promise” a follow-up appointment in the next two to three weeks. Desperation: One thing we have to love about the sicklings is the desperate state in which they find themselves. Let’s look at an example. Take what we’ll call “Sickling A.” Sickling A goes to SHS for a moderate to severe head cold that has prevented her from attending her dish room shift in the cafeteria. The bitter, old human resources rep tells Sickling A she needs to obtain a doctor’s note to avoid “possible termination.” Poor, little, naive Sickling A believes if she were to get fired from the caf she’d never find another job, have to move back in with her parents, and life would cease to exist as she knows it. The only possible solution is to get some treatment and a doctor’s note from Olin. Upon arrival, she is unwillingly tested for pregnancy, gonorrhea, and HIV. After she insists none of this is necessary and specifically details symptoms of a head cold, the physician decides to give her a pelvic exam. He refuses to give her a doctor’s note and sends her off with some penicillin. That’s where you come in. Sickling A is frustrated and needs to work off some anger in the form of some cardiovascular, junk-to-junk activity. Plus, you can be certain she’s clean and chocked full of antibiotics. Self-Esteem Issues: We’ll admit it — SHS is no Cary Street Gym where you can take your pick from a slew of skinny girls who think they’re fat. But what SHS lacks in starving females, it makes up for in those seeking validation. Chances are if a hood rat has an appointment at SHS and isn’t really sick and doesn’t really need a doctor’s note, he or she is far too health obsessed, has Munchausen’s, or is simply a hypochondriac. Granted, how crazy compared

to how hot a potential lay is must be considered, but we’ll assume if you’re in the presence of an eight or higher, an imagined “inner ear problem” isn’t that big of a deal. So lay the moves on that screwball, and let that screwball lay on you… or, more realistically, take their crazy out on you while you lean back and enjoy the probably sadomasochistic ride. No matter what combination and degree of vulnerability, desperation, and self-esteem issues of the sickling you pick up outside SHS, tread lightly as no one wants to inherit a disease, or worse, a clinger. Remember, you’re always busy because of “work” or something else that cannot be cancelled, it’s never a bad idea to use those free SHS condoms your sickling picked up on his or her way out.

m o c . e n i l n O p e e h S k c a l B e GAMES G Th IN K IN R PECIALS | D | BAR S ARTICLES

The good, the bad and the hairy?

The

Top

Ten

Ways to Avoid Voter Registration By: Joseph Miller

Each fall every VCU student is aware of the annoying and desperate people waiting to ask you: “Have you registered to vote yet?” We see them as we round the corner of Cabell and think, “How can I politely tell them I have no fucks to give?” Here are ten ways to make sure these civil servants stay away.

We Investigate Catcalls at the Gym.

10.) Don’t Toss Shade, Hurl It: As you approach The Compass racking your brain for an idea to dodge the booth, just throw on your sunglasses and tilt your head slightly to their left or right. They’ll never know where your attention lies, and your inquisitive head tilt will make them think you’re the deepest of bros. 9.) Selective Hearing: Everyone knows that a person wearing headphones in a crowd full of people sends the message, “‘Wrecking Ball’ trumps whatever you have to say.” So before passing the registration table, pop in your headphones and slide the output into your empty pocket. They’ll never know, just don’t end up an hour later with unplugged headphones still in your ears. 8.) The Foul Fowl: Using your middle finger to get a point across isn’t always the classiest way to do so, but if you’re beyond annoyed, flip that bird like it crapped on your new Prius. You might ruffle some feathers, but you’ll be remembered and never chirped at again. 7.) Water Works: A blubbering stranger is always an awkward situation best avoided. If you can bust out the croc tears, they’ll give you the hard side step, freeing you from their undivided attention. 6.) Shadow Game: Shadow, a bothersome yet humorous children’s game, could do the trick. When asked, “Have you registered to vote?” simply reply, “Have you registered to vote?” Their minds = blown. Your day = barely interrupted.

By: Nathan Heintschel It has come to our attention that a new epidemic is sweeping the VCU campus. Your fellow hot and sexy students cannot enjoy a simple workout at the Cary Street Gym without being unnecessarily catcalled for their hotness and their sexiness. The Black Sheep are obviously appalled by this activity, so we sent in our undercover reporters to get the scoop. When reporter Betty Suallos entered the gym, she was approached before she could even access the fingerprint scanner. A Jersey Shore wannabe asked her, “Aye yo gurl?! Lemme see what you pee wit!” Obviously disgusted, she ran away whilst blowing her rape whistle. Before she had time to regroup, another helpless meathead asked her, “If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?” In a desperate last ditch effort, he asked, “If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?” Confused and agitated, she spun on her heels and briskly walked away. Later, while doing laps in the pool, a European exchange student rocking a Speedo approached Miss Suallos. He began to woo her in French. At first she was acquiescing to his conversational tactics, but then a line stuck out to her — she was a French major and could understand everything he was saying. She immediately walked to the locker room after she heard him say, “Il y aura seulement 7 planètes gauche après je détruis Uranus.” This translates to: “There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.” The Black Sheep believes in fair and thorough reporting, and that’s why we sent our male undercover reporter, Mike Litoris, into the fray as well, and the results might shock you. Mike was stretching when a German exchange

student named Helga Von Sitzfliesch started chatting it up with him. They agreed to have drinks later, and Helga was being very suggestive which pleased Mike. However, what Mike didn’t know was that she was a closet dominatrix. So when Helga told Mike, “If I’m a pain in your ass, you can just add lubricant,” Mike hightailed it the fug out of there. Mike hid behind a rack of free weights, and waited until the psycho femdom passed by. He then decided he needed to get in a pump, Pain and Gain style. He furiously did bicep curls, which attracted the attention of a cute freshman girl with pigtails. She was the innocent looking type, and Mike was caught off guard when she said, “I’ll give you a nickel if you let me tickle your pickle.” Dumbfounded, Mike sat there mid pump with his jaw dropped. Pigtails began to make out with Mike’s face, and they hurried off to a dark exercise studio.

5.) Lie- Err, Life Across the Pond: We’ve all wanted to be a foreign exchange student with little knowledge of American culture. Now is the chance for your dreams to come true. Put on your best accent, any ethnicity will do, and Borat your way out of this pickle. 4.) I Voted: It’s fun to receive your “I voted” sticker to parade the fact that you matter in America now. But instead of tossing it out, get the sticker laminated and attached it to your backpack for the following fall. Just flash it in the registration slaves’ faces and giggle your way into Hibbs. 3.) Freedom of Speech: This may be a bit extreme, but if the questions have become insufferable, a simple tattoo of “Anarchy” across the forehead should definitely keep them quiet. 2.) Ballet Away: Common knowledge of basic ballet techniques is perfect for everyday life. Simply walk towards the woman asking, “Hey, have you registered to vote yet?” and pirouette right around dat trick.

The final portion of Mike’s report was very difficult to obtain because he was still in disbelief. Mike said that pigtails began to talk really dirty when they were in the studio. However, the line that stuck out to Mike was when pigtails said, “Your muscles must need lots of protein to rebuild, TIME TO FEAST ON THIS FUR BURGER!” She then ripped off her shorts to reveal a pubic bush that looked like it belonged on Black Dynamite’s head. She grabbed Mike’s head and [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED OH GOD OUR EYES]. Therefore, be warned Black Sheepers, and block out the dreaded cat calls of the Cary Street Gym. You might think it’s an opportunity for a lucky score, but alas, you might get stuck coughing up softball sized hairballs for weeks over at MCV’s psychiatric therapy ward like Mike. In this instance, we must insist that you don’t wanna be like Mike.

1.) The Fakeout: When approached by a voter vampire, simply point in a random direction and yell, “Ermagerd! Ken Cucc in a G-string!” The pest should almost immediately break their neck at the thought of such a sight. Then just slide out, homie.

Around campus Send us your party pics from around campus to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

on the Streets If you were to pen an R&B song about the time you lost your virginity, what would it be titled? o re Iyla, Sophom

“Lovers and Friends.”

o re Will, Sophom

“The Humpty Dance.”

Christopher,

Junior

“Sexual Relaxation.”

He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.

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cat

It’s Pussy^season

in Richmond

By: Elena Correa

It’s two in the morning on a Saturday night and you’re drunkenly stumbling over the incredibly messed up sidewalks of Richmond (ahem, Oregon Hill, ahem) yelling “PIGS!” at the blue lights with your posse of wasted hooligans when all of a sudden... POW! A cat jumps out of nowhere. Before you have the chance to think “where the hell did this cat even come from?” it violently presses its forehead against your leg, simultaneously letting out a crackley “MEOW!” loud enough to silence the entire Richmond SPCA. You decide to pat it on the head, really only to politely shoo it away so you can continue on without seeming like a cray cray cat lady. But now that you showed it some love, it won’t stop following you around. Lucky for you, it’s cat season! If you’re a cat lover, which you should be, your natural drunken lovey-dovey self tells you to reach down, scoop the kitty up and nuzzle it so close to your face that you can feel it purring against your cheek. But your street smarts, and the fact that your friend just got attacked by a rampant kitten, are telling you to stay away. How do you know whether a street cat is friendly or feral? Most physicians, veterinarians, or pretty much anyone who has graduated high school would say under any circumstances, “don’t touch the damn thing!” They’d talk your ear off about how cats carry fleas that will jump onto your skin and penetrate your pores, how a feral cat bite can lead to all sorts of colorful infections, or how cats are soulless, evil, unpredictable creatures. But, anyone who loves animals to the point of stupidity wouldn’t even think twice, because deep inside we’re all desperate for affection. So, we’ve devised a list of a few pretty obvious things to consider before you claim the pretty kitty as your own: Does it reek of depression? Is it missing an eye? Is it hissing at you uncontrollably? Foaming at the mouth? If you answered “kinda” to any or all of these questions, run! Get the hell away from there, just don’t twist your ankle in the process. You also don’t want to touch it if it is dripping with blood, chewing on a dead mouse, literally crawling with fleas (and the fleas are winning by a leg), black and white, speaking French

and trying to screw other stray cats, or all of the above. Otherwise, go on and give the kitty some (obviously much needed) lovin’. Basically what we’re saying is, you never know what kind of life that cat may lead. Maybe it’s lost, maybe it left home to live a more adventurous life, maybe it’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Or maybe it’s just a stray, born and raised on the streets, giving pawjobs for catnip. We’ve made friends with tons of stragglers (our staffers are real pussy magnets). Cats are awesome and let’s be honest here, you need some company. So give the cat a chance! You two could form a bond so close that you take up knitting so you can make it cute little outfits. And hey, eventually your love could grow into a lifelong obsession with hoarding passion for saving less fortunate cats! By the time you graduate you’ll be living alone in a house reeking of cat piss, with hair on every surface, and still not enough cats to love you! Yeah, the future is looking bright.

The Black Sheep Peruses

the Fall TV Schedule Don’t know about you, but we couldn’t be more excited for fall’s upcoming television series. TV, being a medium of propriety and constant self-improvement, has only continued to become more and more respected in the eyes of the public. And, really, it couldn’t be more important to us: sharing with you some of the best of what fall has to offer. Oh, this is so exhilarating! But enough of our gushing, this TV isn’t gonna watch itself! Now, let’s sit back and learn about what’s on the ol’ boob tube this fall…

Master Chef Junior (Friday, Sep. 27 at 8/7c on Fox) W-well okay. So, to start we have a show starring Gordon Ramsay and a bunch of children. Sounds like-well, it certainly sounds like an idea. Like Barney but with more chronic heartburn. Who is this show for? Kids? Probably not. Kids hate old British dudes. Adults? Probably not. Adults hate Gordon Ramsay. It’d be a lie to say that the show isn’t intriguing from a distance, however. What tools will Ramsay supply the kids with? Like, are the kids rationed out Easy-Bakes or are there really sharp knives everywhere or does Ramsay just not give a fuck? Has his culinary expertise actually caused him to acquire a taste for human flesh? Oh, God that would be such a delicious twist. It’s not going to happen, ‘cause “parent groups” and whatever. It’s also doubtful this series would be able to pull such a move with any dramatic tact whatsoever. What a shame. We were hoping the first show would really knock it out of the park. Oh, well. Let’s see what’s next.

By: Kevin Wise

Million Second Quiz (Monday, Sep. 9 at 8/7c on NBC) Huh. A game show. Okay, we’ll give this one a shot. Actually, the internet tells us this one already premiered. And no one liked it. Why, you ask? Well, it wasn’t because it was poorly made (although, certain technical problems suggest otherwise), but because it was too confusing. So, before we put on out basket hats and march into town, pitchforks ablaze, let’s see what the show’s website has to say for itself:

The story of several young people from around the world who represent the next stage in human evolution, possessing special powers, including the ability to teleport and communicate with each other telepathically. Together they work to defeat the forces of evil. – IMDB

Oh, okay. It’s in an hourglass. Cute. Wait, what does this even mean? The people in the MONEY CHAIR get money while they’re in the chair; that makes sense. But how long do they have to be there? Just the hour, right? For as long as the show is actually broadcast? And they’re just being asked random trivia? Like every quiz show ever? Could this just be called Quiz and no one would be the wiser? But they kidnap the people that win. And make them “survive” next to a giant hourglass in the middle of the city. That’s what makes it different? What the fuck is going on here?

Wait a minute. This sounds exactly like the movie Chronicle. And every X-Men thing ever. And Carrie. Is this what happens when CW tries to go toe-to-toe with ABC? Is this a response to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Well, good job with that one, as it’s clear The Tomorrow People set out on cancelling Agents’ banality with its own. Oh. Oh! You think Agents might be rad? Quickly, recite your favorite superheroes from the past Marvel movies. Was it Hawkeye, the dude who uses a bow? What about Black Widow, the lady who kills people by being all sexy? The guy who collected Captain America trading cards? Did you like him? Well, then…yeah, you might dig Agents. God, what is with these shows, though? We just wanted a fun fall season. Where’s the creativity? Where’s the spunk? Hopefully in the next few shows. We’re not sure we can take much more of this.

5 4

Dracula (Friday, Oct. 25 at 10/9c on NBC) Ugh. Vampires. Vampires and werewolves. Twilight wasn’t good! Neither was True Blood! Stop it! Stop it all of you! For some reason, the overreaching awfulness of the genre feels like accepted fact, but the urge to state your dissatisfaction still bubbles in the back of your throat. Why is this happening? Who is the person in charge of these projects that truly has a passion for the modern vampire? Who are the people that are just eating this up? Spoiler: he bites people. He’s a vampire and he’s going to bite sexy lady necks while looking all sexy. Maybe, if we’re lucky, he’ll bite some sexy dude necks. And then he’s going to be all mysterious and totally charming at the same time. This can’t still be selling. Please, tell us the vampire well is running dry. Tell us the perversion of classic horror monsters is done. What’s next? Mummies? Is the infatuation pop culture has with fetishizing old-timey, horror-fiction bullshit ever going to fade away?

Witches of the East End (Sunday, Oct. 6 at 10/9c on Lifetime) Ugh. Witches. Witches and wizards. When does it end? It’s our fault, really. It’s not like every, single millennial didn’t memorize their Patronus at an early age. It’s not like we didn’t treat Wicked as the greatest thing since the wheel. And we enabled it all, just so we could vicariously live our dreams of being magic people. But enough’s enough. Magic isn’t magic anymore. It’s time to go home. Witches of the East End looks like Wizards of Waverly Place for adults, but, if you take the time to really look at that statement, you’ll realize how ludicrous it is. Perhaps the next show bucks this trend.

The Tomorrow People, huh? That’s what you got? Future Folks not good enough for you? Whatever, have your name, but know that it isn’t even enough to convey what the show is about. We assume it has something to do with watch manufacturers. Well, actually, The Tomorrow People is:

...‘ The Million Second Quiz’ is a…competition where contestants…battle each other in intense head-to-head bouts of trivia for 12 consecutive days and nights. The competition…will air in primetime, LIVE from a three-story hourglassshaped structure. Money is accumulated by sitting in the ‘[MONEY CHAIR]’ (note: NBC doesn’t capitalize this, but they really should) and answering trivia questions against a rival. The longer a contestant stays in the chair, the more money is added until he/she is defeated by a challenger. During the million seconds the top four players who have accumulated the largest amounts of money up to that point in the game will live next to the hourglass in ‘Winners’ Row’ and try to survive there until the million seconds are up. – NBC

The Tomorrow People (Wednesday, Oct. 9 at 9/8c on CW)

Sleepy Hollow (Monday, Sep. 16 at 9/8c on Fox) Well, fuck you too, TV.

Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Happily paired up

neighbor’s house while local dogs and children watched.

Major: Dance

If you were alive in medieval England, what do you think you’d be doing with your life?: I’d want to be a jester with a funny hat, who would probably get decapitated for telling a bad joke.

Favorite Drink: A good margarita Favorite Shot: Buttery nipple Disgusting Drink: Anything bourbon If you could have a pound of anything, what would you have a pound of?: Bacon chocolate. Are you a member of the Illuminati? Prove it.: Prove that I’m not.

Morgan of Bandito’s Drinking Game Breaking Booze With AMC’s Breaking Bad coming to an end, making a drinking game out of it was inevitable. However this game is not a celebration of the Emmy Award-winning series but rather a celebration of the fact that in a very short amount of time you will stop being asked, “So do you watch Breaking Bad?” So sit back, drink, and watch Heisenberg do what he does best … ruin everyone’s life that he comes in contact with. What You’ll Need: Beer, a TV and someone raving about Breaking Bad enough to convince you to watch it. Number of Players: However many can comfortably fit on your couch. Level of Intoxication: Casual How To Play: - Invite all your friends over on Sunday night to watch Breaking Bad. - When the show begins, drink when: - Jesse says, “Bitch!” If he says it more than twice in a sentence, finish your beer. - A commercial for Low Winter Sun comes on. - Someone destroys a phone. - Someone in the room says, “Skyler is bitch” or “Fuck Skyler.” So pretty much anything anyone says about Skyler. - Money is shown.

- Percent purity of meth is brought up. - Walt Jr. eats breakfast (drink double if it’s awkward). - Saul changes phones. - Marie says something annoying, which is every time she opens her mouth. - Walt lies. - Somebody says, “Why are all the woman characters so friggin’ awful on this show? Is Vince Gilligan a misogynist? Or he just pissed off about constantly being asked about his island and how the Skipper is?”

The Game Ends When: The episode ends. If you’re a real fan, play again for the second showing.

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What’s the most embarrassing thing your best friend’s ever done?: Puked in the front lawn of

What word do you find strangely sexual?: Sledgehammer. What word do you find strangely disturbing?: Sexpot. What’s the nerdiest thing you did as a kid?: Dress up my pet guinea pig and made him ride around in my Barbie car. One time, you laughed so hard you…: Forgot my own name.

Recipe for disaster Morning-After Mixer Sometimes the previous night rears its ugly head the next morning in the form of nausea and migraine headaches. Lucky for you, we’ve compiled the best hangover cures to form an all-powerful hangover helper. What You’ll Need: A blender, two Tylenol, one bottle of purple Gatorade (it must be purple), orange juice, tomato juice, celery, a cup of black coffee, a greasy hamburger, 10-piece chicken nuggets, a can of beer, graham crackers, an Alka-Seltzer tablet, and pickle juice (an old Polish trick we learned from an alcoholic cleaning lady). Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: You had like 10 beers last night, let’s cut the crap. Let’s Get Baked: - Set up your blender. Make sure it has a tightly-fitted cap; this is gonna get messy. - Start making the coffee as you start filling the blender. - Put the hamburger and chicken nuggets in the blender first, these will require the most blending. - Now throw in the graham crackers, Tylenol, orange and tomato juices, celery, purple Gatorade, pickle juice and beer. - When the coffee is finished, pour it into the blender. - Blend the ingredients on high until it has the texture of a runny shake and a brownish-green color. Mmm… - Drop the Alka-Seltzer tablet in. If it just sits on the top, push it down into the mixture. - Once it dissolves, drink it up! Your hangover is now ready to be vanquished! If you throw up while drinking it remember that it isn’t from the Morning-After Mixer, it’s because you drank too much last night, you jackass!

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How to: Make Good Conversation By: Black Sheep Staff Carrying on a quality conversation is not a skill everybody has. Some people are too shy to talk at all, while there are others who try to turn everything into a discussion about Game of Thrones. By now, you’ve definitely gone to your fair share of parties and events here at VCU, but you were probably pretty awkward at all of them. So, it seems only worthwhile to briefly review kindergarten-level social skills in order to ride out the semester on a strong note. After all, making good conversation is an ability that will get you far in life—married, employed, all that jazz. Let us first examine what makes good conversation with your roommate. Whether you’re a freshman living in the dorms or a super senior living at a not-as-super apartment, it’s essential to be able to talk well with your roommate. They’re usually the closest friend you have in college and if you want to keep it that way, communication is vital. That’s why you should feel comfortable talking with your roommate about anything. Anything, that is, except for masturbation habits. Pretty much all possible topics of conversation between roommates are encouraged except how often you jerk the gherkin, because the answer to that is a mutually understood “a helluva lot.” And it would be really weird to hear that he does it, like, when you’re asleep or on your bed when you’re at class. Parties are another scenario to consider. There’s really no better place to socialize with other individuals than in a loud, dark, crowded, disgustingly hot apartment. But at a party, you want to keep conversations short and simple. Many people there have only a loose grip on reality, so you should keep your discussion basic when you’re conversing with the shitfaced. “What major are you in? Physics? Do you have classes in Oliver Hall? Cool!” And

move on. Moreover, the music at frat parties tends to be loud, so don’t say anything that can be easily misconstrued. You never want to talk about how you “practice sax with children” when your voice can barely be heard. Then you have the dilemma of talking in class. Contrary to all the scolding you used to get in high school, class is actually a good place to talk with friends … sometimes. Obviously, if you’re in an ordinary classroom, you’ll look like a jackass for making small talk during class. If you’re in the Noyes lecture hall, though, and nobody’s paying much attention anyway, then what the hell, go for it. The larger the room, the less likely the teacher is to call you out for talking and then spend the next ten minutes talking about people talking. Discussion sections are another story. Just shut up and try not to fall asleep.

interesting: “Did you know that hitting your head against a wall burns 150 calories per hour?” Bam, consider your conversation started. Also consider yourself a freak because the person you’re talking to does.

You also may wish to have a conversation at Cary Street Gym, instead of the usual grunting and heavy breathing. Beware: The average person appears 10 times more bang-able merely by being in a gym environment, so anything you say other than “Are you done with that machine yet?” is, in all likelihood, going to come across as flirtation. Even the slightest “Hey” has heavy sexual undertones whilst working out, especially after putting down some weights and wiping sweat from your brow. In retrospect, gyms aren’t always the best places for chit-chat if you want to be genuine, but they’re a great place to get a cheap phone number for a Fish Bowl happy hour date.

Of course, you should avoid talking about a given topic multiple times with the same person. There’s no point to having the same discussion twice, especially if it’s about how banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour. Plus you just sound like a doofus when you repeat jokes to someone. We recommend opening an Excel file and listing all potential subjects of conversation in the top row and all the people you know in the first column. Under this system, you can check off the appropriate cells after each conversation. It’s a great idea for people who have both a bad memory and way too much free time.

When it comes to conversation itself, you should have a healthy variety of subjects to discuss in any conversation. If you find yourself lacking things to talk about, you can share various fun facts that you’ve read. Those are usually

Ending conversations can be tough, though. After having talked for so long, you sort of run out of things to say, so you often just have to let it end abruptly.

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Cryptography

Music Genres ACROSS 3) When you can’t fit into any other category. 8) Toro Y Moi and Washed Out are popular artists of this genre. 9) Chicago is the birthplace of this club-based genre. 11) A color, plural. 12) Insane Clown Posse (amongst others) is at the front of this obscure genre. 15) The “ED” in EDM. 16) Skrillex popularized this genre in the U.S. 18) The tunes of Jamaica. DOWN 1) The Baha Men created music in this Bahamian genre. 2) A rock genre that originated in 1980s Seattle. 3) Dashboard Confessional and lots of angsty tears. 4) Your parents took drugs to this genre.

5) Men will play in this type of band, usually when you’re eating enchiladas. 6) United State bluegrass. 7) The umbrella term for rap music in general. 10) Psy’s “Gangnam Style” exemplifies this genre. 13) The “R” in R&B. 14) This type of music is also known as Muzak. 17) Germany is the birthplace of this slow techno genre.

crossword

Grocery Shopping

madlib Spending my first year in a ___1___ apartment

is, overall, exceptionally ___2___, but there’s one thing I’m nervous about: grocery shopping. Usually ___3___ does that for me, picking up my ___4___ ___5___and bags of ___6___-flavored ___7___ patties so you can imagine how ___8___ I was when I stepped into ___9___. I was like… ___10___ is in the what section? I have to push this cart with, I can only presume, ___11___ residue all over it? Can I lick my fingers? No, I shouldn’t. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. I saw a wall of candy from across the store and ___12___ my way over 1: Popular apartment complex 2: Synonym for good 3: Pushover relative 4: Meat 5: Breakfast pastry

6: Type of cheese 7: Vegetable 8: Synonym for confused 9: Local grocery store 10: Basic vegetable 11: Drug

there faster than a ___13___ girl swallows a lemon drop. I stood in awe of the buckets of ___14___ and ___15___ and ___16___! Like a ___17___ in heat, I dived in___18___-first into one of those bins of ___19___ and nearly drowned in that sweet, sweet sugar. An employee resembling ___20___ had to yank me out, and a crowd of ___21___ were studying me with intrigue. While I was getting escorted out, I saw one dive into a bucket of ___22___ and get a concussion. Scary! So I didn’t get very far at the grocery store. Looks like it’s ___23___ for the rest of the year! 12: Verb 13: Sorority 14: Gummy candy 15: Type of nut 16: Weird grain or legume 17: Wild animal

18: Body part 19: Favorite candy 20: Old celebrity 21: Nationality 22: Hard candy 23: Crappy fast food

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