WMU Spring Issue 2, Jan 26 2011 by The Black Sheep

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theblacksheeponline.com January 26th - February 9th Volume 2 Issue 02

Other stuff

Inside 04 A Bronco’s Guide to

Getting it On (PT2)

the lessons continue, and are awesome...

Read Me the Syllabus One More Time! Kristina Sablatzky wrote this

Really? Are you sure we will be covering psychology in my Psychology 1000?

05 late-night texting

wait, wait, wait...i texted you what last night?

07 classroom bs

get that nonsensical crap outta here!

Thank you captain obvious for that late breaking news update. I hate it, I mean hate it passionately when professors read me the syllabus. I loathe this action more than being forced to lick a sixtyseven year old man’s sweaty FUPA crease. For some reason every single time I walk into a class, regardless of the level, how many prerequisites I took to get into it, how many bribes of lindor truffles I had to offer the advising office before they would put me into this extremely prestigious class that would allow me some kind of moral and conceptual enlightenment, my dimwit professor always feels the need to read to me a fourteen page summary of his course. Is there even anything worthwhile in the syllabus anyways? No one really bothers with them. There is the contact information, but unless you plan on meeting your prof after hours for some extra special credit (winkity wink no judgment here) you will not be needing his office phone number or email because you can always tell him in person that you only missed the exam because you were still wasted in person. The blurb about what textbooks you need to con your parents into buying for you? We can get this information from the bookstore online weeks before we even think about the syllabus. The only reason we buy the book in the first place is so we can do book buyback and use the money on Burnett’s. Then comes some useless break down of the class, which I suppose we will reference on the days where we will be skipping in order to find out how many points we will lose for not turning in one of the twelve homework assignments. Finally there’s the class schedule, which is

referenced only for exam days so we know which nights we have to tragically cross off the “bar hop night” options list. Even though we will have this information oh-so-kindly repeated to us every single class. Syllabi are useless.

Grievously, when we walk into class for the first month’s worth of classes, we are going to be told to direct our sad illiterate selves to the syllabus in order to be read how many points our upcoming exam is going to be worth. I’m not sure if any of you professors are aware, WE KNOW HOW TO READ. I swear to god, if one more of you marshmallows decide to read me something about the academic honesty policy and tell me that if I’m caught cheating you are booting my ass out, I will punch you in the skull and then laugh as a mob of angry students beat you into a Western-flavored daiquiri for wasting our time. We are well aware that if we copy and paste something from the internet it is considered plagiarism, we are creative enough to come up with an exhausting number of ways to make a beer bong, I think we can handle your two page double spaced ‘paper’ that we have the whole semester to write without copy and pasting from Wikipedia.

I am just so completely baffled that professors get away with reading their own syllabus as part of their curriculum. As a professor at Western to be evaluated for tenure and to be considered a full time professor you are evaluated on three things: Twenty percent on contribution to the university, forty percent on research, and the final forty percent is how well you can read your students the syllabi... I mean teaching.

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In This Issue

05: Hangover Cures

One of these has to work...right? Right!?

12: Movie Review

Was No Strings Attached as sucky as we expected it to be?

06: PP and Shoutouts 13: Playlist

Proof that you guys are as crazy as you say you are...

Sometimes, everything just straight up sucks...

16: Back Page 15: Six Degrees of Separation Can you solve this mystery? If so, win an awesome prize!

13: Interview

We talk to Israeli rockers Monotonix

Are YOU getting laid tonight? We know the answer...

14: Bartender of the Week

Best pickup line ever? We think so...

a big list of awesome stuff

It really makes you wonder what she'd do for $3... Can you beat our caption? caption@theblacksheeponline.com

PIC WEEK of the

V O C A L P O I N T S

Last Week's Winner:

I saw my grandma naked the other day and had to break up with my girlfriend. Turns out they had the same hairitage. -James C.

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Chart of the week!

Here are a few words for you to learn, memorize, and use on a daily basis. Try it out and see what happens! Poopera Definition: The act of singing while dropping a deuce. Sentence: “Samantha always denies taking a dump, but when she’s singing in the bathroom you know she’s having herself a poopera.” Crassy: Definition: Wearing clothes one deems stylish, but are, in fact, very stupid. Sentence: “Angelo’s so crassy he basically owns the entire Armani Exchange wardrobe.”

Send us a sentence using one of the words above, and the best one wins a prize! vocab@theblacksheeponline.com

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Sex and Dating: A Bronco’s Guide to Getting it On Veronica Vaughn wrote this I understand that some of you may be embarrassed about your natural urges, some of you may read this and mistake my sexual holiness for sluttiness, and that is just simply not the case. I’m here to tell you, everybody’s doing it, and just because I enjoy talking about it doesn’t mean you have to—but I’d love it if you did! I want you to become one with your inner sex goddess (or God, excuse me) and understand that it is completely normal to be obsessed with toe curling, mind blowing, body numbing sex. Whoops! Are we excited? VeronicaI need help with the current relationship ‘status’ I am in, which might be or might not be the love of my life. We started dating about two weeks ago, and everything was peachy-keen, when all of a sudden he just drops me without so much as a good one-night stand. Should I try to cut him off on the way to his classes, or stop by his intramural basketball practice to ask why he won’t answer my texts or calls? I don’t want to give up but I got his roommates’ numbers to see if they could tell me what the deal is, and they are now not responding. Please help! -Lookin 4 <3 Lookin 4 <3: Honey, do not cut him off on the way to his classes, do not stop by his basketball practices, and leave his roommates alone! I don’t want to let you down, but that’s called stalking—and that’s illegal. I understand that your heart may be broken, but how in love can you be with a person you have only been seeing for two weeks? Some people just aren’t supposed to be together, and I’m thinking that this one is just not meant to be. I’m a huge believer in things happening for a reason, but com’on girl, seriously, get a grip on reality and leave this guy alone. Besides, anyone who

doesn’t have the decency to end the relationship like a man isn’t worth your time and you’re worth way more then that. So do yourself a favor, move on. VeronicaFirst of all I just wanna say you have the most seductive name, it fits well to the work you do. Ok so I just need to vent for a second, its so unfair that men can be ready for action the second the female gives him the sign, but what about us ladies? How are we supposed to be prepared for some sexual fun, spur of the moment, if we are expected to have our vaginas completely shaved, not to mention the hair off our legs?! Well, I came to this roadblock recently with this guy. Things started to get exciting when I remembered that I hadn’t prepared myself. It was incredibly disappointing when I had to turn him down, but he obliged and turned over to go to sleep. As I laid there staring at the ceiling I thought to myself, “why must I be deprived of some kinky fun just because of a little hair.” So I did what I hope my roommates never do, and went into his roommates bathroom (who, luckily, are girls) grabbed one of their razors and did the business down there. Granted it wasn’t the most sanitary, but it did the job. I went back in there and told him I changed my mind, and well…you can probably guess the rest of the story :) so what do u recommend so I don’t find myself dry shaving with an anonymous razor? Waxing, staying up to date with my trimming?? Help!! Razor Burn: Wow! I love that you are dedicated to enjoying yourself. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and if you’re feelin’ a little fuzzy sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. However, how painful it must be to be dry shaving your coot! And how nasty that you decided to use some poor girls razor! My recommendation? If you really feel like you are a ‘spur of the moment’ kind of girl, then just keep it trimmed. No guy—unless he really

likes it—should take a girls pants off and get a hairy bush punch to the face. Waxing is painful, but stops the hair growth for a longer period of time. Meaning, you won’t have to run into his bathroom and use that anonymous razor for at least three to six weeks. But girlfriend, if he wants you bad enough, it shouldn’t matter how hairy you are down there. If I may quote Barney Stinson “No man should be afraid to go through the grass to get to the gold.”

Sex Position of the week: So to further my encouragement of a rowdy (yet safe) sex life, I want to include my favorite sex position, featured in Cosmo this week. The Hot- Tub Hug

Editor’s note: Because, yes, we’re aware everyone at WMU has a hot tub.

Give me more! VVaughn@blacksheeponline.com

Hangover Cures: Myths and Bullshit

John Ellis

Even though it may seem that The Black Sheep is the newspaper equivalent of your dumb-fuck freshman friend who yells “Chug! Chug! Chug!” during your 12th beer and then scatters when you hit the ground, we’re not. Most of us are adults who know when enough is enough… most of us that is. Now I can’t quite figure out why, but Western seems to breed drooling drunk idiots (yes, more than other schools), and there’s nothing I can do about that. There’s also nothing I can say that will convince you that pounding beers the night before you have a 10am is a bad idea, but I can try to help you guys feel better so you can make it to school and get your heads straight. There are a lot of hangover cure myths and the majority of them are complete bullshit and hold absolutely no physical value other than, maybe if you believe they work, you can convince yourself you feel better, even though you don’t… and that you’re dumb. I’m going to go through some of these myths and point out which ones do have an effect. And I’d like to point out that in doing research for this article I used research done by doctors… not the 25-year-old who still lives in your dorm. I also tested all of these myself, so don’t think I’m preaching down to you.

Sorry About My Texts From Last Night Dana Borzea wrote this

It’s always an epic time when you mix large amounts of alcohol and a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. Hell, we go to Western; I have to throw in Sunday through Wednesday nights as well. While getting Gucci wasted there are three things that almost ALWAYS occur. 1) Your morals are thrown in the trash like the next morning’s empty box of Plan B. 2) The most embarrassing pictures will be taken and you will be tagged in them. 3) Along with embarrassing pictures, you’re probably going to embarrass yourself, whether it’s stumbling your feet or your words. To cap it off, 99.9% of drunk people will become the drunk dialer or texter. While reading this you’re probably nodding your head agreeing with me while thinking of last Saturday when you told your fuck buddy you’d walk 2 miles to go down on them. It’s alright, we’ve all done it. The drunk texting, not the walking 2 miles part.

Sometimes drunk texts are hilarious, especially when they’re not about you. That’s why the addicting website www.textsfromlastnight is so popular, because we love laughing at other drunk people’s fuck-ups. The guy who actually invited the website is from Michigan, it just proves that there’s not a whole lot to do in this state except drinking. It’s great reading them, but it’s not as funny when it’s you sending the texts. We get it, you’re drunk and you’ll use that excuse, but listen to my advice and maybe next time you’ll think twice before you do so. There are a few people you really should stop texting, like seriously:

Your Ex: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! Seriously. Repeat these words before you start drinking, “I don’t care about him/her” Texting your ex will either go 1 of 2 ways. You’ll beg for them back, ask them to bang and sound as desperate as a freshman. Or, you’ll bitch them out like you’re a white trash member of Jerry Springer. Either way, STOP IT! This is one of the biggest mistakes every drunkass makes. You’ll make a fool of yourself and end up regretting it in the morning. I’ve been on the sending side many times so I know from personal experience. I suggest everyone delete their ex’s number right now, okay? good!

Your Boss: First of all, you shouldn’t text your boss, you don’t want to be the work whore. Second of all, you shouldn’t text your boss drunk or else you’re just a complete idiot and will most likely lose your job, unless you’re the work whore. This one is the most simple of all the people not to text while you’re 4-0 in some beer pong.

Your Fuck Buddy: This is another terrible idea. I have a great example of why this shouldn’t be done: A friend of mine, he shall not be named because he’s a dumbass, hooked up with a freshman. When he was drunk he decided it would be a super idea to text her. No, he didn’t text her to screw again, but he texted her saying “I heard you get around and have an STD, should I get tested?” Yeah, he was tested and her number was deleted as quickly as he got that shot of penicillin. In his case it was a good thing he texted her, but maybe he could’ve done it in a more sober, grown-up way. Your Frienemy: Everyone has a frienemy, the one person, in every group of friends, that nobody likes. We all know who that person is of every group, but that might be a problem once you’re a few deep and you look through your contacts. You might text them saying how much you hate them, how no one likes them, how they’re retarded for thinking people like them, mixed in with a few “fuck yous” and “hahahha you have no real friends,” and you’ve got yourself a huge fight. So, to keep world peace let’s keep your frienemy in the dark and continue ripping on her terrible decision when she chose a ginger. More specifically, let’s keep the bashing session behind her back. A friend of mine, back in her freshman days, had the best solution to ANY drunk texting mistake. She would simply wake up wherever she fell asleep that night, open up her phone to her texts, and press the delete all button as fast she could say “what’s your name again?” I suggest we all take her advice and do the same. We can just convince ourselves if we don’t know what happened, it never did.

1. Hair of the dog Somewhere, it was conjured up that the best way to medicate yourself against an excessive night of drinking alcohol was to let your alcoholic impulses bleed into the next day. Now, drinking more alcohol will dull your senses a bit and it very well can make you feel better for a short period of time, but all this does is extend your misery. Your poor shriveled liver is still trying to process the toxins left over from last nights alcohol metabolism and you best believe that even though you may feel a little better now, as soon as you metabolize that extra alcohol and it hits your liver, you’re going to feel even worse than before. Keep in mind, your liver isn’t suppose to make noises like your stomach does, and punching it wont help either.

2. Burnt Toast Alright, now this seemed to make sense at first, but in the end, this doesn’t work either. It’s widely believed that the carbon produced by burnt toast acts similar to activated charcoal, which can be used to treat alcohol poisoning. This is interesting but alcohol poisoning and a hangover are very different things, and this is not only going to taste bad, it’s not going to do anything.

3. Greasy Shit I’m going to approach greasy food in a couple of different ways. This is both myth and bullshit. By eating some hardcore fatty shit before you drink, you are actually helping to prevent a bad hangover. Greasy foods stick to your stomach lining for a while and help to decrease the stomach’s absorption of the alcohol. This may make it take a little longer for you to feel the effects of the alcohol, but you’re going to feel much better in the morning because you’re actually giving your body a chance to react to the poisons you’re putting into it. Now as far as the morning after, the doctors say that eating a bunch of greasy food in the morning does nothing for you, but from personal experience I can tell you that going to Maggies and getting a big breakfast definitely seems like it makes me feel better. Maybe I’m just happier because that shit tastes so good.

4. Aspirin Do you know what a prostaglandin inhibitor is? Of course you don’t. You were too hungover to go to that class. Well, Asprin is one of these and if you take a couple before bed it will make you feel better. There have been many studies in which people all drank the same amount of hooch, some took Aspirin and some didn’t, and the ones who took Aspirin all felt better. This is fact. HOWEVER, only take Aspirin. If you mix anything that has acetaminophen with alcohol (ex: Tylenol) you can cause serious and permanent damage to your liver over time. We live in the day of continuously advancing medicine, but I doubt healthy livers will ever be cheap and they certainly don’t carry them at The Den… yet. 5. Potassium and Hydration Both of these things are attacked during a heavy night of getting shit canned in public with no consequences since cops in Kalamazoo don’t do shit. There’s various ways of replenishing these back into our bodies. Water, of course, is always a great way to help get over your dehydration. And if you keep yourself hydrated during the drinking process, you’ll feel even better when you wake up. Also, bananas are a good source of potassium so smash on one of these when you wake up. Then, there is the method that my friends and I all swear by; coconut water. That’s water, not juice, not milk. Young coconut water is so pure and full of nutrients that in some countries it has been used in IVs to hydrate patients. It’s not the easiest to find, but they sell it at Meijer next to the sports drinks in these bottles called Zico. If you pound one of these, it will re-hydrate you AND replenish your potassium. Unless you’re drinking way-the-fucktoo-much, a bottle of coconut water will reduce your hangover significantly and in my experience has been the most reliable hangover cure/prevention.

Now, if you take this all to heart and you’re still having issues with serious hangovers, you should probably consider that you may just be a frothing alcoholic and that you’re probably too young to already have the liver of a 50-year-old. WMU will do that to you. I love a beer (or ten) just as much, if not more, than the next guy but keep your shit straight and go to your classes. This isn’t Ireland and the town drunk isn’t regarded with pity. Unless you want to be that guy that collects all your cans and turns them in at 7-11 for a Steel Reserve, then finish college. Unless you DO want to be that guy … shit, have at it. Just stay off my porch.

S E R U T C I P k e e w E H T OF

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SHOUT OUTS! Shout out to Michelle B. for puking all over my room and leaving at 7am without cleaning anything up or even sending me a “sorry” text... it’s taken me 5 days and $100 in professional labor to rid my room of the smell.learn manners, -R To the drunk girl in 201 who woke me up at 3 AM to dance in your living room when I was in nothing but gym shorts and wouldn’t let me leave. Thank you for providing me with one of the most entertaining stories ever. Sincerely, half naked guy in 202 DJTJ- I can’t wait for you to blast your dirty beats at our upcoming Toga event and see how many panties we have to pick up off the floor the next morning. I also enjoyed having the TJ special all up in my mouth last week. Love, Fink. PS- *Somet M-Kat12: You know how I know you still love me? You let me keep the tape. Thanks - Bre Danny Boy, how did that snowball taste? You like it? Lee, you’re right, you’ve Brett Favred enough on this one, and I can’t wait to party with my favorite (and SINGLE) brother this semester! Love, your sister Laura Jackie and Steph, thanks a million times for the futon, I’ll be a on it a lot more during my last semester. Love, your Momma and Aunt

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Please, Bullshit the Bullshitter someone you fear wrote this So I’m a teacher’s assistant now (for a class that shall not be named; I don’t trust any of our bastard readers with that information) and it has been working out pretty cool so far. If you’re curious to what being a TA is like, imagine being like a Coke Zero: Yes, you are still a pop and part of the Coke family, but you’re Coke Zero. Only a fraction of the people who respect Coke care about you, but you still have the prestige of being part of the Coke family. If you don’t comprehend this soft drink allusion, you have no business being a TA. We talk in grandiose ways like this all the time. Backtracking to my original point, my teacher that I was assisting was out of class for the day due to the weather. I had to go in to run through the class’s main points and make them fill out a questionnaire, last question being “What do you think the purpose of [CLASS SUBJECT] is and how does it serve in our society?” The teacher requested 2-3 paragraphs, I add. A student in the front row looks up to me and asks “Do we really have to write three paragraphs?” in a tone that implied this was the biggest inconvenience I could have placed on their life. It was the first week of classes after all; the proverbial avalanche of the semester’s toughest assignments pours on you in that week.

KEYWORD:

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This question offended me in a strange way. It wasn’t that the student was legitimately asking me this on the first day of class, and it wasn’t the eerie, birdlike tone the question was delivered in. It was that this seemed like a challenge. Readers, we are the generation of bullshitters. All we text is bullshit, all we tweet is a linguistic defecation, and most of what we learn in class is fecal knowledge; stupid shit that sits in your brain that has no relevance to the real world. If you don’t believe me then you haven’t honestly assessed the purpose of Facebook in your life. It is a shit sprinkler; Facebook is constantly spraying useless information that you don’t want or need to know about your friends, and by “friends” I mean that girl you spoke to twice in that one class you had sophomore year so you added her as a friend on Facebook. Now this bullshit I’m writing is not to dump on the one student who asked that in class. Admittedly, I’m having a shitty week and writing this article is the closest I’ll get to a bullshit therapy session. It’s not their fault that s/he thought three paragraphs was a daunting task, because while we are generation bullshit we are more prevalently generation “I don’t give a shit.” Often described in English as “apathy,” not giving a shit often

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wins the over bullshitting an explanation in most contexts. It’s always more convenient for someone in my generation to say “I don’t give a FUCK. What of it? WHAT BRO?!” instead of “No man, I’m not hitting on your girlfriend. We were just mocking all of the people flirting with each other around here, and I’ll be the first to admit we’re both a little too convincing.” Bullshitting (caring enough to respond in a creative way) asserts your identity through response while not giving a shit (having no care in a given context; giving no (0) shits to the context at hand) displays a sense of apathy that makes you less desirable as a human being. Although it may be pure crap you’re peddling when one bullshits, at least they have shit to give. So to give you the tl;dr on this whole article, even if you don’t care at least act like you do. All people want to get a sense of when they talk to you is if you have enough of a pulse to show that you’re listening, and not just hearing what they say. Oftentimes displaying in colorful diction of your lack of interest in a given situation is more interesting than an honest response, and worlds better than just saying “Man, I’m so cool I don’t give a shit!” If you live life for too long not giving a shit, you’ll get shat on eventually.

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

Monday-Friday Happy Hour (3-7) Games: $1 Shoes: $2 Drink: $1 off beer/liquor/wine Food: 1/2 off apps

Red Wing Games: $2.50 16oz Miller Lite cans, $3 Tall Labatt/Lt Drafts Pistons Games: Tall $3 Miller Lite Drafts Happy Hour M-F 3-7 Sat 12-5

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

SUNDAY: Oak Tree Poetry Slam Sign Up at 7pm, Slam at 8pm Cash and Beer Prizes!!!

THURS, 1/27

Happy Hour All Day $5.99 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Tall Domestics 7-10pm 2.50 Wells 2.25 Miller Pints $3 SoCo Lime

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

$3.50 - Pints of any Draft Beer

Glow Bowl!

$1 Miller Lite Pints $4 Long Island $3 Washington Apple

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

The Sights Garage From Detroit The High Strung Rock/Pop Matt Jones and the Reconstruction Baroque Folk From Ypsilanti Spitting Nickels Power Pop From Detroit $3.50 Pints

Sick of the same bars? Come try something new!

$3 Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $3 We Pick Shots

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

Binary Star Hip Hop Legends Bedroxx Hip Hop From Ann Arbor Tree City Hip Hop From Ann Arbor DJ Bringham Young $3 Beer of the Month

$3 Tall Domestics $2 Bells Pints

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

Good Old War Pop Rock From Philidelphia Ender Pop Rock From Kzoo Jake Simmons and the Little Ghosts $3 Beer of the Month

$1 PBR Pints All Day $4 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub

Oak Tree Poetry Slam Sign Up at 7pm, Slam at 8pm Cash and Beer Prizes!!! The Strutt Open Mic Hosted by Adam Danis Sign up: 6.50pm, 15 minute sets Show: 7pm DRUMS, AMPS, PA Provided Free | $4 - Long Islands CHURCH OF SOUND Great music spun by rotating cast of local badasses $1 Coffee, $2 Shots, $3 Drafts NO COVER EVERY WEDNESDAY!!

FRI, 1/28 SAT, 1/29 SUN, 1/30

Take a study break and bowl a few games!

MON, 1/31

Miller Lite Mondays (8-Close) $5 Miller Lt. Pitchers $4 24oz Miller Lt. Cans $0.50 Wings $5 for 2 Hours of Bowling!

TUES, 2/01

College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

$3 ANYTHING! 9pm-1am

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

WED, 2/02

Ladies Night (8-Close) 1/2 Off Martinis 1/2 Off Wine $0.50 Games, $2 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

Micro Brew Wednesdays $4 Talls $3 Pints $3 Vodka Red Bull

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

The Bar Grid GAME SPECIALS: $2.50 Bud and Bud Lt. 24oz. Cans (Detroit Games) $1.00 PBR (Detroit Home Games) ALL NFL Games $1.50 Rolling Rock Cans

WEDNESDAY: College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

SATURDAY Glo Party Featuring DJ Benzi $2 Pints $2.50 Well Drinks

SPECIAL NIGHT

Pitcher Night Mixed Drink Pitchers Starting at $6.25 Domestic Draft Pitchers $5.00 $2 Ursus Waldo’s Shots. $1 Burgers

$2.75 bottles $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

College Night on Campus! 1/2 Off Ladies until 10pm $3 You-Call-Its until Midnight $6.75 mantinis

THURS, 1/27

Nadal Live! 12-3pm All You Can Eat Pizza $4.95 Happy Hour Night All Night $2.50 Well and Call drinks

PINT NIGHT! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leiny Pints $4.99 Martinis Poker Room Open!

$4 PBR Big Cans $4 Berry Splashes

$3 You-Call-It $6 Martinis & Mantinis

FRI, 1/28

Logan Castle Live! $10.00 Domestic Pitcher and Large One Topping Pizza $4.00 Shot-and-a-Beer $4.00 All Bombs

UCALLIT. $3.00 all drinks until midnight Poker Room Open!

$3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

Glo Party Featuring DJ Benzi $2 Pints $2.50 Well Drinks

SAT, 1/29

Closed

$3.99 Build Your Own Burger $12 Bucket of Domestic Bottles Poker Room Open!

Closed

1/2 off SIN Night 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Beer with SIN card

SUN, 1/30

$2.50 All Bells Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach and Blue Island $2 for 2 Tacos

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs 35 cent Hot Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings Poker Room Open!

Closed

1/2 off Pizza 7-10pm $3 Domestic Mugs $2 Wells

MON, 1/31

“W” Club Night $3.00 Domestic Liters & $5.00 Specialty Liters, $5.00 wings (for members only) Just $10.00 for a personalized mug and lifetime membership! Team Trivia every Tuesday

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Draft Beer w/ SIN card $6.50 Medium Pizza Team Trivia 8PM Poker Room Open!

Closed

$1 Pints $2 Wells $6.50 Martinis & Mantinis

TUES, 2/01

Waldo’s Infused Vodka Night $3 Vodka Shots and Drinks $5 Vodka Martini’s 1/2 Off Food for WMU and K College Staff (with valid ID) Open Mic Every Wednesday! Sign up at 8:00, Free Hosted by Cullin Anderson

College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC Poker Room Open!

Closed

$2 Pints $5 1 Item Pizzas

WED, 2/02

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

TUES: College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

SUNDAY: SUPER BOWL BASH $2.50 TALL MILLER LITES $2 MILLER BOTTLES $10 LRG TRADITIONAL UNLIMITED TOPPING PIZZA $3 Tall Domestics $2 Bells Pints

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

TUES: The Strutt Open Mic Hosted by Adam Danis Sign up: 6.50pm, 15 minute sets Show: 7pm DRUMS, AMPS, PA Provided Free | $4 - Long Islands

THURS, 2/03

Happy Hour All Day $5.99 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Tall Domestics 7-10pm 2.50 Wells 2.25 Miller Pints $3 SoCo Lime

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

COMA NOVA CD RELEASE Coma Nova Psych/Stoner Rock/Grunge From Kalamazoo The Wrap Hip Hop From Kzoo PAN Indie Rock From Kalamazoo

FRI, 2/04

Glow Bowl!

$1 Miller Lite Pints $4 Long Island $3 Washington Apple

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

Norm Stulz Comedian Russ Brown To benefit NTAF Great Lakes Transplant Fund, In Honor of Lisa Curti

SAT, 2/05

Sick of the same bars? Come try something new!

$3 Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $3 We Pick Shots

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

Moyindau Avant Garde Jazz From Lansing Saxsquatch & Bridge Band Fusion Jazz From Kalamazoo

SUN, 2/06

Take a study break and bowl a few games!

SUPER BOWL BASH $2.50 TALL MILLER LITES $2 MILLER BOTTLES $10 LRG TRADITIONAL UNLIMITED TOPPING PIZZA $3 Tall Domestics $2 Bells Pints

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

Americana Brunch 10am-1pm Under 21: $3 - Red Bull Dozer (Red Bull and Sprite) Over 21: $3 - Bloody Mary

MON, 2/07

Miller Lite Mondays (8-Close) $5 Miller Lt. Pitchers $4 24oz Miller Lt. Cans $0.50 Wings $5 for 2 Hours of Bowling!

$1 PBR Pints All Day $4 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub

$4 - Pints All Michigan Micros On Tap

TUES, 2/08

College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

$3 ANYTHING! 9pm-1am

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

The Strutt Open Mic Hosted by Adam Danis Sign up: 6.50pm, 15 minute sets Show: 7pm DRUMS, AMPS, PA Provided Free | $4 - Long Islands

WED, 2/09

Ladies Night (8-Close) 1/2 Off Martinis 1/2 Off Wine $0.50 Games, $2 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

Micro Brew Wednesdays $4 Talls $3 Pints $3 Vodka Red Bull

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

CHURCH OF SOUND Great music spun by rotating cast of local badasses $1 Coffee, $2 Shots, $3 Drafts NO COVER EVERY WEDNESDAY

The Bar Grid GAME SPECIALS: $2.50 Bud and Bud Lt. 24oz. Cans (Detroit Games) $1.00 PBR (Detroit Home Games) ALL NFL Games $1.50 Rolling Rock Cans

SUNDAY: SUPERBOWL! Tailgate Party starting at 2pm $2 Bud Light, Miller Lite and Coors Light $100 Hot Wing Eating Contest at Halftime

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

SUNDAY: Superbowl Afterparty with DJ MT 1/2 Off All Drinks

SPECIAL NIGHT

Pitcher Night Mixed Drink Pitchers Starting at $6.25 Domestic Draft Pitchers $5.00 $2 Ursus Waldo’s Shots. $1 Burgers

$2.75 bottles $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

College Night on Campus! 1/2 Off Ladies until 10pm $3 You-Call-Its until Midnight $6.75 mantinis

THURS, 2/03

Lucas Pederson Live! 12-3pm All You Can Eat Pizza $4.95 Happy Hour Night All Night $2.50 Well and Call drinks Every Friday live saxophone in Pilsen Klub, No cover!

PINT NIGHT! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leiny Pints $4.99 Martinis Poker Room Open!

$4 PBR Big Cans $4 Berry Splashes

$3 You-Call-It $6 Martinis & Mantinis

FRI, 2/04

Scott Seth Band Live! $10.00 Domestic Pitcher and Large One Topping Pizza $4.00 Shot-and-a-Beer $4.00 All Bombs

UFC Fight 10pm Free Admission UCALLIT. $3.00 All Drinks Until Midnight Poker Room Open!

$3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

$1 Bottles $2.50 Wells $2.50 Pints

SAT, 2/05

Closed

SUPERBOWL! Tailgate Party starting at 2pm $2 Bud Light, Miller Lite and Coors Light $100 Hot Wing Eating Contest at Halftime

Closed

Superbowl Afterparty with DJ MT 1/2 Off All Drinks

SUN, 2/06

$2.50 All Bells Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach and Blue Island $2 for 2 Tacos

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs 35 cent Hot Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings Poker Room Open!

Closed

1/2 off Pizza 7-10pm $3 Domestic Mugs $2 Wells

MON, 2/07

“W” Club Night $3.00 Domestic Liters & $5.00 Specialty Liters, $5.00 wings (for members only) Just $10.00 for a personalized mug and lifetime membership! Team Trivia every Tuesday

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Draft Beer w/ SIN card $6.50 Medium Pizza Team Trivia 8PM Poker Room Open!

Closed

$1 Pints $2 Wells $6.50 Martinis & Mantinis

TUES, 2/08

College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC Poker Room Open!

Closed

$2 Pints $5 1 Item Pizzas

WED, 2/09

www.theblacksheeponline.com

the movie page

Based on the Trailer

No Strings Attached dave saw this and gave it a...

Director:

Ivan Reitman

Rite

The Roommate

Feb. 4th

Starring: Leighton Meester, Minka Kelly, Cam Gigandet What You Need to Know: There’s a bunch of colleges, there’s a bunch of people who could be your roommate. And there’s a chance that that person is a huge emotionally unstable crazy bitch, so watch your drinks ya’ll. What We Think: Leighton Meester is a cutie, so we’re already hooked. This movie has an interesting premise that could play out in a totally unoriginal way. Like, “Ooh, the girl with all the money never had love as a child so she clings to people and then becomes a huge obsessive creep.” Been there, done that, yawn.

Just Go with It

Starring:

Jan. 28th

Starring: Anthony Hopkins What You Need to Know: Did you notice that there are a shitload of people needing exorcisms lately. Apparently the New York Times ran a piece saying that people are going crazy and blah blah blah. So a young man goes to Rome to relearn the ways of exorcisms by a creepy Anthony Hopkins. What We Think: Well, The Exorcist scared the shit out of us, mostly because of that nasty green pea soup stunt. This movie looks pretty scary though. I mean, Holy shit (see what I did there?), Anthony Hopkins is probably turning into the devil himself.

Feb. 11th

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker What You Need to Know: It's the same as so many movies in the world, we can't even describe it, but we'll try. Sandler lies to a very hot girl, to convince her he isn't lying, he makes up a crazy tale involving Jennifer Aniston. What We Think: Is there really plausible? Does Adam Sandler (who is pushing 50, we're guessing) really have a shot at a girl like Brooklyn Decker? No way in hell, not even in his Billy Madison days could he pull this kind of tail.

C+

Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline

Synopsis:

SEX! Now that I have your attention, here’s an average movie. For years, I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my friends to have sex with me. Of course, I’ve been trying to get anyone ever to have sex with me, but I figure it would be a lot easier to convince someone I already know than a complete stranger. No Strings Attached seems to have found the answer for me: all I have to do is look as good as Ashton Kutcher or Natalie Portman. Essentially, this is what No Strings Attached is about. Two good-looking friends who are busy with their professional lives decide to have sex without commitment. Portman plays Emma, a busy med student who can’t spend time with a “boyfriend” while Kutcher plays, as always, some goofy guy. This time he’s named Adam. Of course, as always, what Kutcher really wants is a relationship, but after he finds out his dad is having sex with his ex-girlfriend, he decides casual sex may be good for a while. But as Emma and Adam have sex, something more seems to be develop, and soon they may find love, and blah, blah, blah, until we get to the moment where they decide to be with each other or not. As unoriginal as the film was, really, it

on DVD

KUTCHER!!!!!

could have been a lot worse. Helping the material is the film’s R rating, giving it the ability to actually talk about sex and swear and such as normal people do. Plus, every once in a while, it actually stands true to the “comedy” part of romantic-comedy and makes a pretty funny joke. But there are far too many jokes that don’t hit, and there’s a strain on the “raunchy” material as if the characters are only making jokes about periods and penises not because they have anything to say, but just because they know they can. Most of this forced raunchiness is provided by the friends of Emma and Adam. The film decided to pile on the “wacky” friends, so instead of one or two people convincing the protagonists to be “crazy”, there’s about four or five. Some of these friends prove to be pretty annoying, just saying clichés like “leave that bitch” or “let’s all get laid!” But a few cast members, like Kevin Kline as Adam’s dad or Greta Gerwig as Emma’s friend, play the part of quirky person with a good low-key persona making the film a little less abrasive. Co-star Portman proves in No Strings Attached that every movie star enjoys making

money, meaning that every film she does can’t be critically appealing and adventurous like Black Swan. In this film she does fine with the standard rom-com stuff where she has to talk about feelings. Portman is an actress who impresses me in many things, yet when I watch films like Garden State or the Star Wars prequels, I find myself never wanting to watch her again. Here she’s a cross between my opinions: just pretty good. Kutcher, on the other hand, seems to love taking the same boring role over and over again. He always plays the hapless romantic hero; one who believes love will conquer all and the rest doesn’t matter. As annoying as Kutcher is, it would be nice to see him play a really awful character once and a while. He’s proven he can act beyond just his dopey smile, and he does well in the roles he’s given. Yet Kutcher doesn’t seem to want to ever play a person who makes him look badbesides that time he played that asshole who played pranks on famous people. No Strings Attached is far from great and rings hollow sonn after it’s over. Sounds like some inconsequential sex to me.

answers are a few pages from here

January 25th Saw 3D Red Secretariat Nowhere Boy

February 1st Let Me In Never Let Me Go Conviction Monsters

This 2000 Kutcher buddy comedy was adapted from a rejected live action Beavis and Butthead script.

In addition to starring in this 2004 sci-fi drama, Kutcher also acted as executive producer.

Kutcher had a cameo in this 2006 Emilio Estevez-directed movie about an assassinated American politician.

Which 2010 Kutcher bomb cost $75 million to make, but only took in $47 million at the box office?

www.theblacksheeponline.com

The Black Sheep Interviews: Monotonix Ami: We got kind of a basic idea that somebody kind of rolled in, sometimes they’re a few songs that begin with a drum beat, sometimes a song will begin with a guitar lead, or sometimes a vocal melody. Ten minutes tops that we’ll be jamming on it, there’s The Black Sheep: How did the whole Monotonix thing kind of something working there. And if we’ve got something, we’ll start get started? playing it, playing with the arrangement, organizing the song, like Ami Shalev : Everyone not in the mainstream basically knew each “this part should be like this” or “this part should be like this” and other because the town was very small. All of us have played before after ten minutes that somebody broke the basic idea and became a in bands and, sort of at the right time, all of our bands kind of broke song. It’s not going to happen, that’s the way that we work. up, so we decided “well, we know each other, we’re good friends, TBS: Where do you draw your inspiration from? let’s do something together.” And then we started writing songs and Ami: It’s from everything. It’s from everything that we see, feel, very, very, very quickly. I mean, like after a few weeks started touring get in touch in the world, from people that we know, from friends, in the US. from everything, from a lot of music that we hear, we feel it. I guess TBS: Let’s talk about your lives shows for a everything that we’re ever around and become in little bit, because they’re supposed to be super touch with is very influential. Monotonix enjoys setting duper intense. TBS: Outside just writing music, where do you are more than themselves and their Ami: It’s a very, very natural thing for us. For me, not There draw your inspiration from? What are some of equipment fire, stealbeing on stage feels like I’m pretty much in a cage 26 the bands that influence you or the band, in milliononporn sites or something like that. This is the first time that I ing drinks from audience general? can feel very, very free to do whatever I want, and members to pour on themAmi: I guess, for me, it’s like all the rock bands that basically it’s very natural for me to do these kinds of selves, and turning their I heard when I was a child, and then the kind of performances. Very physical, and I like it. music when I heard when I was a teenager. A lot shows into frenzied dance TBS: With the live show, what kind of reaction of Israeli music, I mean, in my record collection I parties. you get from the fans when you’re being superdon’t have a lot of Israeli music. But it’s there, it’s intense? in the air, you can’t avoid, the three of us grew up Ami: The band and the audience become one unit in Israel. that leaves me feeling like, like it’s a great energy TBS: So can you expand on that. What do you that you feel and that the audience feels, like, I mean by Israeli Identity in terms of music? don’t know, the sound from the cymbal or the snare Ami: You know, in Israel it’s kind of a big contrast drum, you can hear it in your ears very loud and you can touch the between east and west, so it’s not 100% eastern country or not drum or the guitar, the physical reaction between the audience and 100% western country. You can see and you can feel in the music the band so it’s all very different, and I think the reaction is very, very and the way that we play, an Israeli band, even if we are doing rock strong. music, it’s more similar in my eyes to Israeli band that is doing folk TBS: Can we talk a little bit about your album that’s coming out music than to an American rock band. January 25th called “Not Yet”? What’s it like? TBS: Getting back on track to the actual album, you worked Ami: I guess, uh, it’s very simple with very weird excerpts. with Steve Albini in Chicago. He’s pretty darn famous around TBS: What’s the creative process like? How do you get from these parts. How was that? How did he influence the sounds point A to point Z? on this album? Monotonix is a rock band from Tel Aviv, Israel. Oddly enough, they recorded their latest album “Not Yet” in Chicago. It came out the 25th. Buy it, listen to it and run through a freakin’ brick wall.

music

Iron & Wine

Everything Sucks Lady GaGa Bad Romance

Splitsville Mr. Yuck

Maps and Atlases The Ongoing Horrible

The Murmurs You Suck

Creature Feature Such Horrible Things

AFI Mini Trucks Suck

The Killers A Crippling Blow

Jack Off Jill Horrible

Depeche Mode It’s No Good

10 U2 Bad 11 Beck The Horrible Fanfare 12 The Dresen Dolls Bad Habit 13 Oag Horrible Adorable 14 Arcade Fire Black Wave/Bad Vibrations 15 Keller Williams Gate Crashers Suck 16 Nine Inch Nails Suck 17 Cake Ain’t No Good 18 Daniel Powter Bad Day

Kiss Each Other Clean

More wine and more kissing, please. It’s hard to be like “Oh man, that new Iron & Wine album is sooo fucking awesome!” even if you do think it’s pretty fucking awesome. At best, one might proclaim “Man, that new Iron & Wine album is so chill, so good to vibe to, I totally dig it, yeah.” Not that Iron & Wine is strictly for those with a fondness to laying in the grass and staring at the beauty of cloud formations, but they’re hardly the ones to raise their voice. Shh, everyone, Iron & Wine is on and I don’t want to miss a guitar progression. The latest album by Samuel Beam, the one man band behind the name Iron & Wine, Kiss Each Other Clean, is his fourth studio album, though he’s released multiple EP’s and singles. It’s clear to see that with each album Beam has grown more and more into his sound while still evolving and producing unique material each time, which is an welcomed change to those artists who try too hard to be different, or try too hard to be mainstream (and impress their label). Sure, his acoustic, chill sound has stayed the same but it’s clear that his latest album is much more poppy but not in a “Oh man, he sold out to Warner Brothers!”, commercialized sort of way. It’s more folk-pop, perhaps like some the soft tunes those back in the day listened to on the radio when times were simple, music was good and life was in sepia. The album starts off with “Walking Far From Home,” reminiscent of Sufjan Steven’s “Age of Adz”; a little Autotuney, a little abstract and a whole lot of inter-

others

Out Now

esting (see also “Rabbit Will Run”). It’s still, soft and melodic, blending perfectly into the unique second track “Me and Lazarus,” with it’s catchy chorus, nice lyrics and jazzy-without-being-cheesy saxophone interludes. While much of the album flows together, parts and points of psychedelic pop are so perfectly blended in that it’s not just another album that drones on. I mean, have you checked out the album cover? Homeboy is standing in a body of water with Technicolor peacocks behind him, grazing. “Big Burned Hand” is one of the bounciest, jazziest tunes on the album, but not in a tacky grandfathery way. Still whispering, Beams’ vocals are powerful enough to bring the track back down to folky goodness. My favorite track is the 7-minute long final one“Your Fake Name is Good Enough For Me,” which sounds a bit like Fleetwood Mac, a bit like jazzy brass, and a bit like fast-paced poppy delight. The song slows down so perfectly at the end that you just want to put it on repeat. So this album isn’t revolutionary or insanely obscure. What it is, though, is well done and perfectly timed, still keeping the listener interested instead of being able to predict what’s coming next. Now keep your voice down, I’m trying to vibe here. Sounds Like: Red wine, perhaps a nice cab Download: “Me and Lazarus,” “Your Fake Name is Good Enough For Me” Listen to it When: You’re running your fingers through the grass

Amos Lee – Mission Bell Eva Cassidy – Simply Eva Cold War Kids – Mine Is Yours Corinne Bailey Rae – The Love EP

Ami: I think he’s a great guy, and he’s brilliant engineer, the way that he recorded the band, I mean, it’s like, what you play, what you are is what you get in the speakers. It was a great experience to work with him, and it was a great studio and it was great to work with a legendary producer like him. TBS: I’d like to talk about your mustache, because it’s so awesome. How long have you been growing it? Ami: Uhm, I don’t know, I’ve got a beard too. ::laughs:: When my head stopped growing, I was thinking, well, I should morph into something in my face. I’m a very hairy guy from the Middle East, so I don’t have any problem growing hair. Sometimes people from the US or from Europe have a problem growing out a beard or a mustache because they aren’t very hairy at all, but I’m from the Middle East, I’m very hairy, I figured I’d grow up a mustache. I realize that this is a very big mustache, so right now it’s my face looks like, it’s all covered with hair. Just for the winter! TBS: What kind of maintenance do you have for that bad boy? Do you trim it, do you shampoo it? How do you make sure it’s not just a big ratty mess? Ami: No no, it’s all nature. I just cut my hair for the first time in 5 years, I didn’t touch my mustache for two a half, three years, I didn’t touch my beard. It’s all natural, like this. TBS: All right. That’s awesome. Cool.

DID YOU KNOW

brendan wrote this

Wanda Jackson – The Party Ain’t Over Deerhoof – Deerhoof Vs. Evil The Get Up Kids – There Are Rules Monotonix – Not Yet

www.theblacksheeponline.com

bartender

WEEK

of the

Nickname: R. Kelley Favorite Drink: Bottles of Bud Light; to space out all the Jager Bombs Biggest Pet Peeve Behind the Bar: Yelling my name, waving your hands, snapping your fingers, and/or just being plain annoying. Wait your turn. Best way to get my attention: Show me your boobs! Just kidding—sort of. Actually just tip me well. Bartending can be fun, but we all do it for the money. Favorite Night of the Week to Work: Monday is Service Industry Night. Bring in your pay stub and I’ll give you half off food and drinks! Pick up line: “Bet you can’t even taste those roofies.” Three things on a Desert Island: Fully fueled airplane, pilot, and a magazine to read on the flight back. Theme Song: “Beautiful Loser” by Bob Segar Motto: “Don’t knock the hustle.”

drink

ley Rob Kel izza Bilbo’s P

Humpin’ in the Sand

+Bacardi O, Bacardi Limon, Malibu, Peach Schnapps, Cranberry Juice, Orange Juice, Pineapple Juice, Chambord on top

shot

Rob’s Blue Koolaid

+Three Olives Cherry +Blue Curacao +Splash of Sour +Red Bull

dare you

Bear Fight

+ Irish Car Bomb + Jager Bomb

( class time )

1. Dude, Where’s My Car 2. The Butterfly Effect 3. Bobby 4. Killers

iel

Movie Quiz

Dam Matt

Do you know how two of our favorite celebrities to dream about (not at the same time) are related? Figure it out, email us at 6degrees@theblacksheeponline.com, and the first 10 win a prize!

Answers

6 Degrees of separation:

ca B Jessi

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