WMU Feb 9, 2011 by The Black Sheep

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“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College...”

theblacksheeponline.com February 9th - February 23th | Volume 2 Issue 03

a message to all you sloppy, drunk girls

04 Abroham Drinkin’:

great bro, or world’s greatest bro?

05 Our SB Commercials:

If you think they don’t involve beer, well, you don’t us

06 We Review Mens’

Underwear:

Nothing says “sexy” like tighty-whities! CONTINUED ON PAGE 11...

Dear Sloppy Drunk Girl, Put down the plastic red cup you showed your tits for and shut up for a few minutes, this letter was written just for you! I asked a lot of Broncos around campus what they would say if they had the chance to give you advice. No, their advice isn’t to continue dancing with your hands in the air screaming “woo-hoo” every 15 seconds. Nor is their advice to try to keep up with the guys, just admit you’re a lightweight and it’ll prevent that 3am throwing up session. You probably should stop doing both of those things. Actually, there’s a lot of shit your drunk ass should stop doing. The number one thing about you that almost every guy said that made them want to punch an infant was your loudness. STOP FUCKING YELLING WHEN YOU SPEAK. There is no need for the volume of your voice to be as high as the number of guys you’ve hooked up with tonight. There is also no need for you and your friends to jump up and down in the middle of the dance floor screaming “OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!” to every damn song that comes on. Even worse is the crying, sloppy drunk girl. Dear fat Jesus shut up. Alright, tears happen every once in a while, I totally understand, but try to wait until you’re home. The crying girl in the middle of a party is a bigger buzz kill than the po-po showing up, at least you can run from the po-po. There is no escaping the crying girl, because you feel like a bitch if you leave her alone. So, if you’re obnoxiously bawling your eyes out and notice people slowly backing away, just drink more to drown out your feelings and seriously, stop crying okay? Thanks. Another piece of advice: STOP BEING A SLOPPY SLUT. That guy next to you isn’t talking to you because he likes your personality; he likes the pretty shade of slut you’re wearing. But you’ll probably realize that when you wake up to him searching through your mail tomorrow morning because he’s trying to figure out your name. While we’re on the topic of how big of a whore you are, it’s not only because of your actions, but because of the pieces of cloth you have on

that you pass off as clothing. You probably shouldn’t be wearing that skin-tight dress that doesn’t cover your ass, has your tits hanging out, and makes you look like a walking Plan B billboard. While you’re “teaching everyone how to Dougie” you’re also giving them two shows. One, your awful, unbalanced, all over the place movements that you attempt to call dancing and two, everyone’s very own Victoria’s not-so-Secret fashion show modeled by you. Not only stop acting like a slut, but for your own dignity please stop dressing like one as well. Have you ever noticed when you’re at a party and none of your friends are by you? There’s a reason for that and I have no idea how you haven’t figured it out yet. YOU’RE ANNOYING. Yes, you sloppy drunk girl you make people want to push you off of the nearest cliff. You’re clinging on to all of your friends and following them around the party. If someone is running away from you…they don’t want to be near you. They’re trying to leave you alone in the corner somewhere so you can continue calling everyone in your phone telling them you love them, hate them, or want to fuck them. Every group of girls AND guys has the wasted friend that’s an annoying fuck when they drink and the friends switch off playing babysitter. Wondering why you’ve never played babysitter before? Ding ding ding! It’s because you’re that obnoxiously hammered friend that no one wants to be around! During freshman year it’s understandable that everyone gets this way every once in a while. After freshman year, it’s never acceptable. So if you want to have self-respect, safety, be STD free, keep your friends, and not get pushed off the nearest cliff HOLD YOUR ALCOHOL AND STOP GETTING SO DAMN SLOPPY DRUNK! Forever Yours, Dana Borzea A Member of the Sloppy Drunk Police Unit

In This Issue

09: Russell Stover Chocolates: Now, for losers!

20: Seinfeld: A XXX Parody:

We watch porn for you! No, seriously, we didn’t even jack it!

18: Top 10

Ways not to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

21: Ben & Vesper:

We talk to a married couple of musicians.

04: Dear Hallmark:

Why won’t you print our Valentine’s Day cards?

17: Booze Review

It has a long name but tastes alright...read on to know more!

06: A Second Look at Valentine’s Day: Roses are red, but why?

18: Valentine’s Day Bailout Ideas: Some tips and tricks to not get kicked in the nuts for being lame.

16: Drinking Game

Battleship Beer Pong sank our sobriety

07:The Sex Life of Famous People: You don’t know anything about that, do you Tisdale?

a big list of awesome stuff

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V O C A L P O I N T S

Here are a few words for you to learn, memorize, and use on a daily basis. Try it out and see what happens! Braffling: Definition: Maintaining narration in your head, like Zach Braff on Scrubs. Sentence: “I was Braffling for like 5 minutes at McDonalds before I realized it was my turn to order.” Guidon’t: Definition: A person who embraces guido culture, but only because it’s currently trendy. Sentence: “Kyle's a Guidon't, he's all "GTL" now, but just dropped his hipster jeans off at Goodwill last week.”

Send us a sentence using one of the words above, and the best one wins a prize! vocab@theblacksheeponline.com

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VALENTINES DAY Veronica Vaughn wrote this Regardless of whether or not there is someone special in your life, Valentine’s Day should be all about sharing some love, maybe a little champagne, and a lot of in-between-thesheets fun. So, for those of you who are planning on celebrating with a nice dinner, dessert and perhaps even some flowers, I say just skip it and head straight to the bedroom! Valentines Day has become so commercial that people have forgotten the real meaning. It’s not about being reminded how much you love each other, it’s not about dinner, it’s not about a silly card—it’s about makin’ moves.

Not one of you gentlemen can honestly tell me that you hope she wears the red dress so you can take her to Food Dance. NO! You hope she wears the red dress so you can rip it off of her later. Same goes for the ladies: yes, we know you love that red dress, but I refuse to believe that you’d rather put it on then take it off. We need to bring Valentines Day back to what it really means; a day to show your valentine that you are reading for action. One of my girlfriends has been seeing this guy—let’s call him Dick. Her and Dick are freaks, they barely leave the bedroom…I love it! However, they tend to skip foreplay and move right to sex. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that, but at the same time most of the fun comes from draw-

ing out the anticipation. I told her to just slow it down; take some time to touch each other a bit. Moral of the story: Extended playtime has definitely been worth Dick’s time.

I’ve talked to a lot of people, actually, who say cut the foreplay—let’s just get right to the punch. Well, that is just the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Don’t get me wrong, I like the punch (I really, really like the punch) but I truly don’t understand why more people wouldn’t like to have a sip before they drink the whole thing? I would like to see more people get in touch with their carnal side and start getting it on, and this Valentines Day may just be the perfect time to do so. Set yourself a goal: Incorporate new things into your sex life even if it’s only for this one night. Besides, Valentines Day is all about giving, right? I truly would rather not have the flowers, the fancy dinner, or the new Tiffany double heart tag pendant (although, that necklace is awesome). I much rather get a little tipsy, and go home with the person I care about.

Forget all the B.S. Hallmark tells us—if you really want to celebrate in style, take advantage of that special someone’s body and try something new! This Monday, I would really like all of you to reconsider the art of foreplay. There is something strangely fun about giving, and although you may

be more of a receiving kind of person, why not be the pleasure provider this time! You’re partner (or snug bud) will certainly be thanking you, and you will definitely enjoy the kinky power in it all.

One last thing. I decided that I wanted to take a poll to find out what you guys think the best way to play on Valentines Day is. I must say, I was pretty happy with the results—you sex addicts! Give me more! VVaughn@blacksheeponline.com

A Bronco’s Guide to Getting it On: Crazy Bitches

Veronica Vaughn wrote this

While I sat in the Wayside bathroom last Wednesday, taking a well deserved, seal-breaking pee, I overheard a girl’s drunken sobs in the stall next to mine. “He doesn’t like me, why doesn’t he like me?” She was hiccupping and crying, making her words jumble together. As I awkwardly sat there on the toilet, no longer peeing, just creeping, I couldn’t help but feel pretty sad for her. “What’s wrong with me, what does she have that I don’t?” She repeated this over and over again to the person on the receiving end of the phone. I heard her stumble toward the sinks and apologize loudly as she ran straight into my door. At that moment I wanted to bust out of there and give her a drunken hug, then slap her silly for even thinking that

there was something wrong with her. But instead, without moving from the toilet I said, “Girlfriend, men shouldn’t get the satisfaction of making us cry in the bathroom!” Then I thought, ‘Well that’s a weird thing to be yelling right now’ and it made total sense when she didn’t respond. No doubt, I waited at least five minutes before leaving the bathroom, so no one would assume I had been the weird, shouting, toilet girl. This incident, although awkwardly funny, did get me thinking. It is so frustrating that many girls are constantly thinking that they aren’t good enough-- their boobs aren’t the right size, they’re waist is too wide, they’re pores are huge— that in all honesty, has to be just draining. I have a really good guy friend who is always giving me advice. He helps me in my weak moments, makes me feel good when I need it and like a jackass when I deserve it. He tells me, “You’re a ten! You’re Kalamazoo’s finest bachelorette!” And he’s so right! I shouldn’t have to work so hard to get a slimy douche bag to like me, he should be pawning for my fine ass. But if you’re anything like these girls, good luck!: “ I was seeing this girl for a minute, she was really cool at first. Super funny, I thought we hit it off really well. My attraction for her died after about a month. I guess for no reason in particular, I was just over it. She was so sad that I didn’t want to see her anymore; she called me non-stop, wrote me a letter and put it in my car saying ‘she had changed.’ I didn’t get what she needed to change, she was cool, and I just really didn’t care. That bitch was crazy.” - Craig C.

“I hooked up with this girl that was in one of my classes last year. We had a steady thing going on for a while, and then she got too clingy. I’m not looking for that right now, so I ended it. She tried doing the whole ignoring me thing, ‘cause apparently girls think guys respond to that. Then she’d start blowing my phone up nonstop, seeing if I wanted to go out for a drink, “be just friends again.” She was hot and cold every few weeks, I couldn’t wait for that semester to be over. It’s weird how quickly she changed after I broke it off with her.” - Jason S. “I broke up with my girlfriend of a year about month or two ago. We had a pretty serious relationship, but after a while I was ready to start seeing people again. It was obvious she wasn’t over me—she would send me drunken texts all the time, call me at odd hours of the night. When I thought she had finally gotten the picture, I decided that I didn’t care if she saw me around other girls. I went to the Grotto and met this really hot chick—she was obviously DTF and I didn’t want anything more than that. We started making out downstairs by the pool tables and my ex-girlfriend came up to us (out of nowhere!) and dumped an entire long island on the hot chicks head. Needless to say, I never spoke to that cock-blocking hoebag again.” - Daniel L. The moral of the story: No matter how upset someone may make you feel, don’t forget that sex creates endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don’t stalk their ex’s. So find a partner, and practice my favorite sex position. The Octopus (see the picture). Give me more! VVaughn@theblacksheeponline.com

TOP 10

Top 10 Best Places to Go with a Hangover in Kalamazoo

10.

Maggie’s Café If you live on the west side of campus, chances are Maggie’s is only a block or two away from your crib. They serve sandwiches, but are best known for their sweet, sweet breakfast deals. Best Hangover Meal: The Breakfast Stew. A perfect, greasy combination of cheesy scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage, and bacon. It will cure your hangover within minutes of eating this amazing breakfast creation. Don’t forget to pick up an awesome Maggie’s t-shirt. They’ve been curing hangovers since 1985!

9. 8.

Menna’s Joint Who doesn’t love a dub filled with potatos, cheese, and egg? Menna’s in notorious for curing hangovers with their go-to guide for breakfast. Don’t be afraid to get a little wild with it, too. Extra toppings on a dub is just extra flavor, and that’s never a bad thing.

What WMU doesn’t want you to see a total fake name wrote this I often find myself stressed about all the backlash that The Black Sheep has received since we started. There’s a lot of sniffling hypocrites who don’t feel that The Black Sheep has a right to be distributed on this campus, and they have taken strides to make it more difficult for us to get our paper out. Since we started we have been trashed up and down from students, professors, faculty, and owners of campus buildings alike. Yet, every time one of them raises their nose at us, twenty of you thank us for saying what a lot of us are thinking, but have no way to say. Despite the ridiculous and foul content of The Black Sheep, you should also see what it is at the core. We are students who have had it with some of the things that we see around here, and how students here feel they are helpless to do anything about it. Do you think that if this were a different college (like MSU, who lets us exercise our free speech rights), our writers would have to use fake names in fear that the faculty or professors aren’t professional enough to not let it reflect on their grades. Did you know that a lot of students here think that you have to have a permit to protest?! That’s one of two things that kept any large protests of the Sangren debacle taking place… the other being laziness. Really, that’s one way you can look at this paper: a protest. I suppose we expected childish behavior from the people who responded to the report of WMU’s competitively low ratings on RateMyProfessor.com by saying that we, their students, aren’t reliable sources. See, they expect a lot of this stuff to happen behind closed doors, but, like any other protest, I’m just here to expose some of this childish behavior, so you (the unreliable, over-paying student) can determine if it’s right or wrong for yourselves. When we first started out, we never thought that people would respond to us in such a ridiculous manner. We expected some people would get pissed off, and that’s fine. Some of this garbage we print is pretty shameless, and I would be surprised if some stiff types didn’t respond negatively. But I expected them to do so in a mature fashion. Instead, they resort to the sophisticated strategy of grabbing our stacks of papers and throwing them away. The biggest offender of this is the Bernhard Center, one of the main hubs for students on campus. At first we weren’t sure what was happening. We distributed hundreds of papers in the normally empty newspaper bins at the Bernhard Center, and the next day… poof! Who cares, we thought. Those bins are always empty anyway, right? So, we investigated. After speaking with a higher up at the Bernhard Center, I was told that the Bernhard Center did not allow any publications that weren’t by WMU students. “Great” I said. “We are run and written by students.” He then changed his story, and said that we have to be a registered RSO to distribute inside… so basically, only the Herald is allowed. So despite the

multiple huge bins for publications (which are mostly empty) only one paper is allowed inside and the rest have to distribute in the badly placed, unprotected bins out front. I was under the impression that students here had their 1st amendment rights, so I did a little more digging. It turns out that the Bernhard Center is not public property. It is privately owned despite being right in the center of a university and advertised on the WMU website. SO, legally, they can regulate the press that you are allowed to read. They probably don’t intend for you to know that… but now you do. That probably pisses you off right? If you feel like letting them know how you feel their phone number is 269-387-4860. Be polite. See, it probably pisses these people off that there is an uncensored outlet for students to voice their opinions, and I’m sure they don’t like what we have to say. A lot of people appreciate this freedom, however. That’s why you can still find us at countless business and organizations around town. The Den, The Grotto, and Bills Pizza or Hot Dogs are great places near campus who still respect student’s right to read whatever they’d like. Both the Herald and The Black Sheep are at The Den… a dominantly student managed business that seemingly has more tolerance than the multi-million dollar Bernhard Center. We also have an issue with professors, especially journalism professors, attacking our paper during class while they’re supposed to be teaching students how to be objective. Here’s a news flash (no pun intended)… I’M IN YOUR CLASS! When you say that “The Black Sheep is disgracing WMU” I must correct you… WMU does plenty of that on its own. When students tell their siblings not to go to WMU, it’s not because of a comedy newspaper with large women in bikinis on the cover. After everything we students deal with (robberies, skyrocketing tuition, tickets, no jobs, etc), don’t we deserve some stupid entertainment? Being professionals, these teachers should know to do what they teach and leave their opinions out of their work. Contrary to what they will tell you, we do care about WMU. As much as we hate dealing with all this bullshit, this university deserves students with the audacity to keep peddling this smut just so we can have a laugh before we go pay our tickets, and sell back our books for $5 a piece. It’s not funny what’s happening to this university, but you have the right to laugh… at least until, they find some way to prevent you from doing that inside. (Editor’s Note: Your friendly founder Brendan Bonham here. I didn’t ask this writer to put this article together, he or she chose to do it. That said, if any academics or WMU policymakers—hell, anyone that has a problem with this paper—want to discuss the contents of this article at greater length, I can be reached at Brendan@Blackcardmedia.com)

Theo and Stacy’s This classic diner located downtown is one of Kalamazoo’s classics. The staff is old but extremely friendly. They have the most awesome breakfast platters for around $6 or less. After you’ve spent the past 8 hours drinking your ass off ‘til the wee hours of the morning go ahead and fill your gullet with 2 pancakes, 3 eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, and some OJ. That ain’t bad for the price! Don’t forget to tell them you’re a student and you get 10% off!! SWEET MEAT!

The Strutt The Strutt gets a rap as just being a hipster’s paradise, but the staff is super schweet and know how to cook a damn good meal. Most of their food is homegrown, local or organic and they make some of the best grilled cheese sandwiches on the planet. If you’re looking for an ultra-chill vibe while trying to kill your hangover The Strutt is a great place to eat yummy food while trying to forget those 10 shots of Patron you did the night before.

Bilbo’s Usually I would never suggest pizza as a go-to food for curing a hangover. However, Bilbo’s pizza is a gift from the almighty God himself. Their oneof-a-kind crust and top notch ingredients has the mega powers to cure any headache, stomach ache, or heart ache. It’s true. Don’t deny the Bilbo, you ass. If you have a raunchy night with Waldo’s Thursday night pitchers head over to Bilbo’s before 5 p.m. on Friday for their rad weekday lunch special.

The Grotto For some of you whores that only show up to The Grotto on the weekends at 9p.m. for drunken debauchery I’m here to let you know that they actually have a kick ass menu that every person should experience sober once in their life. Head over there after a mega-hangover has taken action and order one of their burgers. Your stomach will thank you.

Dogs with Style If you’re like me and you love a good sip o’ the gin mid-week because you’re finally a senior and don’t have any bullshit day classes, Dogs with Style is a great place to go during the week after you’ve woken up next to an empty bottle of tequila. The hotdogs are great but the fries are a sweet taste of heaven that is perfect for any common hangover. The place is owned by some old dude and maybe his brother and they’re only open Monday-Friday 11 a.m. – 3p.m. If you happen to stumble out of bed before then their fries are a MUST HAVE.

3. 2.

Checkers If you’re a broke ass after spending all your coin at The Entertainment District over the weekend Checkers is a classic example of pure, basic hang over food. They have chicken sandwiches, hamburgers, cheese sticks, and SO MUCH MORE. Checkers is the Mecca of all things delicious and greasy.

Sophie’s Pancake House Are you an alcoholic? Are you currently hungover? Do you love pancakes? Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Sophie is the queen of all queens when it comes to making the best pancake mix. She clearly puts something in her recipe to fix the nagging feeling we all get after pounding a dirty thirty of Keystone.

Taco Bob’s If you’ve met Taco Bob you know he’s fucking awesome. $5 gets you many tacos and a drink (I think). He makes the most delicious, hangover-ready taco meat IN THE WORLD. When I first walked in I thought, “what’s so special about this? I could make this shit at home” but then the power of Bob’s tacos came over me. I realized the complete ordinary flavor of his tacos you can find in a 69-cent bag of taco seasoning at Harding’s was the reason my drunken stomach was triumphant with free will.

Ashley Loomis wrote this

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SHOUT OUTS! To Matt, I know you read this religiously so I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you know how much I hate you. Dave To the girl on the third floor who keeps unzipping her pants before she gets into the stall-You disgust me. There are two things you need: patience and a bikini wax. Jake - Nice haircut! I didn’t know the bowl-cut was coming back! Did your brother do that...or did you lose a bet? Either way, I’d wear a hat for a while... To the dude at Jimmy John’s who thought it would be funny to steal my Slim Jim - I will hunt you down! Derek, remember when you passed out and woke up “untucked”...yeah, we took a peak, and it was pretty impressive - Allison

SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

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Ascots on Mascots Travis Pelto wrote this For those of us who don’t have the mind for sports, the mascots can quickly become the most entertaining part of the whole game. They really serve no purpose to the game then to rile down frightened toddlers who are too bewildered to understand why thousands of people are all yelling at or near them. One could argue that it creates school spirit and captures the heart of the crowd, but I would hope we’ve evolved enough culturally to stop getting riled up by a cheerleader in a plush outfit. Mascots are essentially the tribe leader for thousands of amped up fans. They get to wear the fanciest headdress, they are or are near the center of attention, and they spend hours shamelessly dancing in front of their followers in similar, yet much less elaborate, garb. That’s not to say the bastards aren’t amusing: I giggle incessantly when I see the hopeful face of the Ohio State round headed thing (apparently it’s a “Buckeye,” sure, why not). Its face looks like a stray puppy following you home, but when I realize I’m thoughtfully petting it and a strange man is actually inside there things get awkward for both of us. But then there’s delightfully surreal mascots like the like the Phillie Phanatic, with Muppet fur and all. If you’re slightly near something with internet I encourage you to look

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up this genetically challenged sock puppet because my words can’t capture its fuzzy green beak and puppet gut perfectly. Once you understand the frivolous reason for having a mascot you begin to root for the silliest one of all, almost filling the role of the village idiot. Having a serious mascot shows you don’t have a sense of humor about the sport in question. I don’t want to root for the Patriots because I feel like I’d be letting my country down if they lost; I would root for the Packers because I’ve never cared to look up what the meaning is behind the team name (What are they packing? Clothes for a vacation? Heat? Cheese!? Yup, probably packing cheese for a heated vacation). Our own mascot is in a weird gray area. A bronco is a great choice from the animal kingdom, but its image that the school promotes is that of a peaceful creature. The key to understanding broncos is that they are known for bucking, subsequently wrecking shit in their wake, and they are typically feral before domesticating (No shit). This puts a big question on the plates of Western Michigan students: Do we want our mascot to be a free spirited, downright dangerous feral animal or a domesticated pony? If you still can’t get a nice visual because my description was too objective for you to decide, consider

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the massive bronze statue in front of the Wrec center. It has a great, powerful face that demands you respect its territory and if you walk under it in the right place you might just fear it’ll kill you. Yes it’s serious and can be viewed as a downer of a mascot, but because it’s feral that means it’s a free spirit and not meant to be tamed. It shows that our school is a bad-ass lone wolf (or horse), like the Fonz of the athletic world. Now if we were to take Buster to the next level, we have to consider the following. A TA I had for an art history class raised the great point that Broncos are inherently male and therefore the statue at the WREC Center is anatomically incorrect and creepy. The horse should have male parts with the famed girth and size of the beast but instead it is polished over like Barbie’s weekend getaway horse or her own you-know-what. If we really want to take our school’s image to the next level we need Buster to be more masculine, dong and all. This shouldn’t just be corrected for the sculpture, but for the mascot also. The supply of brown furry fabric and stuffing may become scarce, but it will be for the good name of our school. That’s what should be considered first because our tribal dances should burn the brightest.

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

THURS, 2/10 FRI, 2/11 SAT, 2/12

Monday-Friday Happy Hour (3-7) Games: $1 Shoes: $2 Drink: $1 off beer/liquor/wine Food: 1/2 off apps

Red Wing Games: $2.50 16oz Miller Lite cans, $3 Tall Labatt/Lt Drafts Pistons Games: $3 Tall Miller Lt Happy Hour M-F 3-7 Sat 12-5 B.O.M.: Heineken $3 Pints $4 Mug

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

SATURDAY: Maritime Indie From Milkwaukee Glowfriends Shoegaze/Indie From Kzoo Wonder Caverns Pop Rock From Grand Rapids

Happy Hour All Day $5.99 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Tall Domestics 7-10pm 2.50 Wells 2.25 Miller Pints $3 SoCo Lime

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

The JHD Funk Rock From Lansing, MI Gunship Radio Rock From Kalamazoo Marcutio Rock From Kalamazoo

Glow Bowl!

$1 Miller Lite Pints $4 Long Island $3 Washington Apple

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

Shneal Hip Hop Anonymous Shark Hip Hop/Experimental/Psych Kinetic Stereokids Indie/Hip Hop/Experimental

Sick of the same bars? Come try something new!

$3 Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $3 We Pick Shots

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

Maritime Indie From Milkwaukee Glowfriends Shoegaze/Indie From Kzoo Wonder Caverns Pop Rock From Grand Rapids

$3 Tall Domestics $2 Bells Pints

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

BEAST IN THE FIELD Doom Metal Ozenza Doom Punk Hordes Drone Rock/DOOM

$1 PBR Pints All Day $4 DELUXE BURGER BASKET

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub

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The Strutt Open Mic Hosted by Adam Danis Sign up: 6.50pm, 15 minute sets Show: 7pm DRUMS, AMPS, PA Provided Free | $4 - Long Islands CHURCH OF SOUND Great music spun by rotating cast of local badasses $1 Coffee, $2 Shots, $3 Drafts NO COVER EVERY WEDNESDAY!!

SUN, 2/13

Take a study break and bowl a few games!

MON, 2/14

Miller Lite Mondays (8-Close) $5 Miller Lt. Pitchers $4 24oz Miller Lt. Cans $0.50 Wings $5 for 2 Hours of Bowling!

TUES, 2/15

College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

$3 ANYTHING! 9pm-1am

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

WED, 2/16

Ladies Night (8-Close) 1/2 Off Martinis 1/2 Off Wine $0.50 Games, $2 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

Micro Brew Wednesdays $4 Talls $3 Pints $3 Vodka Red Bull

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

The Bar Grid GAME SPECIALS: $2.50 Bud and Bud Lt. 24oz. Cans (Detroit Games) $1.00 PBR (Detroit Home Games)

WEDNESDAY: College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

THURSDAYS: College Night on Campus! 1/2 Off Ladies until 10pm $3 You-Call-Its until Midnight $6.75 mantinis

SPECIAL NIGHT

Pitcher Night Mixed Drink Pitchers Starting at $6.25 Domestic Draft Pitchers $5.00 $2 Ursus Waldo’s Shots. $1 Burgers

$2.75 bottles $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

College Night on Campus! 1/2 Off Ladies until 10pm $3 You-Call-Its until Midnight $6.75 mantinis

THURS, 2/10

Matt Foresman Live! 12-3pm All You Can Eat Pizza $4.95 Happy Hour Night All Night $2.50 Well and Call drinks

PINT NIGHT! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leiny Pints $4.99 Martinis Pama Liqueur Promo 930-1130 Poker Room Open!

$4 PBR Big Cans $4 Berry Splashes

$3 You-Call-It $6 Martinis & Mantinis

FRI, 2/11

Cullin Anderson Live! $10.00 Domestic Pitcher and Large One Topping Pizza $4.00 Shot-and-a-Beer $4.00 All Bombs

UCALLIT. $3.00 all drinks until midnight Poker Room Open!

$3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

$1 Bottles $2.50 Wells $2.50 Pints

SAT, 2/12

Closed

$3.99 Build Your Own Burger $12 Bucket of Domestic Bottles Poker Room Open!

Closed

1/2 off SIN Night 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Beer with SIN card

SUN, 2/13

Closed

1/2 off Pizza 7-10pm $3 Domestic Mugs $2 Wells

MON, 2/14

$2.50 All Bells Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach and Blue Island $2 for 2 Tacos

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs 35 cent Hot Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings Team Trivia 8PM

Poker Room Open!

“W” Club Night $3.00 Domestic Liters & $5.00 Specialty Liters, $5.00 wings (for members only) Just $10.00 for a personalized mug and lifetime membership! Team Trivia every Tuesday

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Draft Beer w/ SIN card $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Closed

$1 Pints $2 Wells $6.50 Martinis & Mantinis

TUES, 2/15

Waldo’s Infused Vodka Night $3 Vodka Shots and Drinks $5 Vodka Martini’s 1/2 Off Food for WMU and K College Staff (with valid ID) Open Mic Every Wednesday! Sign up at 8:00, Free Hosted by Cullin Anderson

College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC Poker Room Open!

Closed

$2 Pints $5 1 Item Pizzas

WED, 2/16

The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT

TUES: College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

Red Wing Games: $2.50 16oz Miller Lite cans, $3 Tall Labatt/Lt Drafts Pistons Games: $3 Tall Miller Lt Happy Hour M-F 3-7 Sat 12-5 B.O.M.: Heineken $3 Pints $4 Mug

THURS/SAT: 9 to Close Half-Price Drinks EVERY NIGHT After 10pmReg Stix w/Dill $2.50, Chzy Stix w/dill $3.50

FRIDAY: William Bonney Screamo From South Bend, IN The Penguin Collector Experimental Hardcore From Kalamazoo, MI

THURS, 2/17

Happy Hour All Day $5.99 Burger Baskets

$2.25 Tall Domestics 7-10pm 2.50 Wells 2.25 Miller Pints $3 SoCo Lime

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

Jetty Rae Indie Pop Dan Henig Indie Pop Andrew Sturtz Indie Pop

Glow Bowl!

$1 Miller Lite Pints $4 Long Island $3 Washington Apple

9 - Close $2.00 U CALL IT on Pints and Single Liquor Drinks $3 Bilbo & Domestic Quarts, $5 Double Premiums

William Bonney Screamo From South Bend, IN The Penguin Collector Experimental Hardcore From Kalamazoo, MI

SAT, 2/19

Sick of the same bars? Come try something new!

$3 Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $3 We Pick Shots

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

Jeremy Porter & The Tucos Alt Country From Michigan Birches Alt Country From Kalamazoo Chris Richards + The Subtractions Indie Rock From Detroit, MI

SUN, 2/20

Take a study break and bowl a few games!

$3 Tall Domestics $2 Bells Pints

Evening: $2 Well Drinks; $4 Double Wells

Americana Brunch 10am-1pm Under 21: $3 - Red Bull Dozer (Red Bull and Sprite) Over 21: $3 - Bloody Mary

MON, 2/21

Miller Lite Mondays (8-Close) $5 Miller Lt. Pitchers $4 24oz Miller Lt. Cans $0.50 Wings $5 for 2 Hours of Bowling!

$1 PBR Pints All Day $4 DELUXE BURGER BASKET

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints, $3.25 Super Premium Pints; ($2 well drinks, $4.00 double wells)? Service Industry- 1/2 Price on everything- Bring your pay stub

$4 - Pints All Michigan Micros On Tap

TUES, 2/22

College Night (9-Close) $2 Wells, $2 Domestic Pints $1 Games, $1 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

$3 ANYTHING! 9pm-1am

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

The Strutt Open Mic Hosted by Adam Danis Sign up: 6.50pm, 15 minute sets Show: 7pm DRUMS, AMPS, PA Provided Free | $4 - Long Islands

WED, 2/23

Ladies Night (8-Close) 1/2 Off Martinis 1/2 Off Wine $0.50 Games, $2 Shoes $4.99 1-Topping Pizza

Micro Brew Wednesdays $4 Talls $3 Pints $3 Vodka Red Bull

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pts, $3.25 Super Prem Pts. $2.00 well drinks $4.00 double wells

CHURCH OF SOUND Great music spun by rotating cast of local badasses $1 Coffee, $2 Shots, $3 Drafts NO COVER EVERY WEDNESDAY

FRI, 2/18

The Bar Grid GAME SPECIALS: $2.50 Bud and Bud Lt. 24oz. Cans (Detroit Games) $1.00 PBR (Detroit Home Games)

SUNDAY:

$3.99 Build Your Own Burger $12 Bucket of Domestic Bottles Poker Room Open!

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

SUNDAY: 1/2 off SIN Night 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Beer with SIN card

SPECIAL NIGHT

Pitcher Night Mixed Drink Pitchers Starting at $6.25 Domestic Draft Pitchers $5.00 $2 Ursus Waldo’s Shots. $1 Burgers

$2.75 bottles $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Monster Thursday! 18+ $3 Wells $3.50 Coronas Monster Energy Concoctions Available

College Night on Campus! 1/2 Off Ladies until 10pm $3 You-Call-Its until Midnight $6.75 mantinis

THURS, 2/17

John Sanger Live! 12-3pm All You Can Eat Pizza $4.95 Happy Hour Night All Night $2.50 Well and Call drinks Every Friday live saxophone in Pilsen Klub, No cover!

PINT NIGHT! $1 Domestic Pints $1.50 Leiny Pints $4.99 Martinis Poker Room Open!

$4 PBR Big Cans $4 Berry Splashes

$3 You-Call-It $6 Martinis & Mantinis

FRI, 2/18

Skeetown Stylee Band Live! $10.00 Domestic Pitcher and Large One Topping Pizza $4.00 Shot-and-a-Beer $4.00 All Bombs

UCALLIT. $3.00 All Drinks Until Midnight Poker Room Open!

$3.50 Featured Domestic Bottles $4 Sex on the Beach

$1 Bottles $2.50 Wells $2.50 Pints

SAT, 2/19

Closed

$3.99 Build Your Own Burger $12 Bucket of Domestic Bottles Poker Room Open!

Closed

1/2 off SIN Night 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Beer with SIN card

SUN, 2/20

Closed

1/2 off Pizza 7-10pm $3 Domestic Mugs $2 Wells

MON, 2/21

$2.50 All Bells Beer $3.00 Long Island, Long Beach and Blue Island $2 for 2 Tacos

$3.25 25oz Domestic Mugs 35 cent Hot Wings 50 cent Boneless Wings Team Trivia 8PM

Poker Room Open!

“W” Club Night $3.00 Domestic Liters & $5.00 Specialty Liters, $5.00 wings (for members only) Just $10.00 for a personalized mug and lifetime membership! Team Trivia every Tuesday

Service Industry Night! 1/2 Off Liquor and Domestic Draft Beer w/ SIN card $6.50 Medium Pizza Poker Room Open!

Closed

$1 Pints $2 Wells $6.50 Martinis & Mantinis

TUES, 2/22

College Night at Wayside 50 cent drafts, $1.25 wells DJ Kane and DJ AC Poker Room Open!

Closed

$2 Pints $5 1 Item Pizzas

WED, 2/23

www.theblacksheeponline.com

the movie page

Based on the Trailer

Black Sheep Reviews: Seinfeld: a XXX Parody The Roommate

Out Now

Starring: Leighton Meester, Minka Kelly, Cam Gigandet

What You Need to Know: There’s a bunch of colleges, there’s a bunch of people who could be your roommate. And there’s a chance that the person is a huge emotionally unstable crazy bitch, so watch your drinks y’all. What We Think: Leighton Meester is a cutie, so we’re already hooked. This movie has an interesting premise that could play out in a totally unoriginal way. Like, “Ooh, the girl with all the money never had love as a child so she clings to people and then becomes a huge obsessive creep.” Been there, done that, yawn.

Just Go With It

Feb. 11th

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker What You Need to Know: It's the same as so many movies in the world, we can't even describe it, but we'll try. Sandler lies to a very hot girl, to convince her he isn't lying, he makes up a crazy tale involving Jennifer Aniston. What We Think: Is this really plausible? Does Adam Sandler (who is pushing 50, we're guessing) really have a shot at a girl like Brooklyn Decker? No way in hell, not even in his Billy Madison days could he pull this kind of tail.

Frankie and Alice

Feb. 11th

Starring: Halle Berry, Stellan Skarsgard, Phylicia Rashad, Chandra Wilson What You Need to Know:This true story is about Frankie Murdoch (Halle Barry), a fun-loving lady who likes to dance because it’s the 70s in Los Angeles who wouldn’t want to dance? But alas she is crazy, she blacks out, she doesn’t remember things, she goes to a hospital. Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar yet much less cool. What We Think: This psychological drama looks damn good, as does Halle Berry rocking an afro. But with Berry playing a woman who suffers between being a seven-year-old child and a Southern white racist woman, we think this film will definitely keep our attention.

When Valentine’s Day rolls around my mind naturally drifts to porn and comedy staples that never make me feel alone, oh so alone. Since I own zero hard copies of porn or Seinfeld (I DON’T, I’m a streamer and a dreamer my friends), a quick walk down internet alley led me to this little gem: Seinfeld a XXX Parody. I watched it with my roommate, which is totally not gay because we fast forwarded through all the terrible dialogue and re-enacted the sex scenes – you know, just to really get a feel for the content. I’ve seen every episode of Seinfeld, which I think only made things even more uncomfortable. (On the message board for the site there is a comment that reads “I’ve never seen the actual comedy, but this looks great!” – which made me think Seriously? What kind of porn cave must this man live in? Is he like Patrick Star, only lifting up his jackin’ rock to eat, drink, and siphon the jizz before it suffocates him?) Unlike this man, I knew every joke and how poorly it was delivered, and every scene they were trying to re-enact. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to be overly critical, knocking a porn actor’s ability to act is like knocking normal people’s ability to fuck. In other words, when old Gerry goes off about pornography in his monologue: “What’s the deal with pornography,” he says in a flighty voice “I mean, if -ography means to study, shouldn’t it be called dick-ography? Sorry Mary Sue, I can’t go

on DVD

out with you tonight, I’ve got some dick-ography homework” (which I might have laughed at) – what he lacks in acting he makes up for in the ensuing 30-minute romp with Elaina on his couch. The overall movie is loosely based off the Soup Nazi episode, except in pornucopia he is the Porn Nazi. When Elaina can’t really decide what porn she wants he gives the old “No porn for you!” and Elaina is dismayed to say the least. Don’t worry though, because she and the Porn Nazi’s Asian assistant “get back at him” by having sweet lesbian sex in the back room. In the meantime, Krammer is sick of all his porn “I just can’t jerk-off, Gerry!” and decides to make a porn of his own! Classic Krammer! This basically a genius move by director Lee Roy Myers to deviate from the painstaking process of keeping to a parody and make a side plot that is pretty much just porn. So Krammer gets Sasha Grey and some other chicks to bone in a back yard, they involve him, and he is all weird Krammer like. The next scene is back in Gerry’s apartment, where Krammer has enlisted Gorge to make a sex scene with his fiancée Suzanne. Old Gerry walks in, and seeing that Krammer has transformed his apartment into a porn set, and that Gorge is going to be in it says “And that’s my cue to leave!” Then next person through the door, however, is Buck (who isn’t really a parody of anyone, not

Cannes Film Festival 2010

even Puddy. Let’s go Lee Roy, get it together), a beastly man who is going to have sex with Suzanne and enrages Gorge to drop his notorious line “Serenity now!” Krammer gives his porn tape to Noman, who in turn sells it to the Porn Nazi. And then something happens that leads Noman to have sex with Regina (read like vagina, ie. Mulva) in the back room of the porn shop. Gerry refers to Regina as Orgazma-girl because she is always having orgasms, which rubs Gerry the wrong way. Classic Gerry! Somehow everyone ends up in the Porn Nazi’s shop, and Gorge sees his tape being played on the TV. Gerry shakes his fist at Noman, and Gorge yells at Krammer because now Suzanne wants to be with Buck. Cut scene to Gerry on stage again, saying he is a big tit guy as an unnamed large breasted woman comes on stage and has sex with him. Classic unnamed large breasted woman! This was the first porn parody I’ve seen, and I was a little disappointed. I mean, I know I shouldn’t expect much, but there was like 20 minutes of parody and 50 minutes of hardcore, unforgiving penetration – in which the actors totally broke out of character. But it’s probably worth watching in the same way it’s necessary to drink rotten milk, just to experience the taste and know you need to stay far, far away from it.

answers are a few pages from here

February 8th You Again Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 Red The Social Network

February 15th Waiting for “Superman” Unstoppable Summer Wars Dr. Who: A Christmas Carol

The film “Biutiful” was directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, who also directed which 2003 film that’s title depicts how much weight you lose the moment of death?

The film “Blue Valentine” had large success both at the Cannes Festival and in the mainstream. Which Brooklyn band scored the entire film?

Which Ridley Scott directed film was the first to play at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival?

A remake of the 1987 film of nearly the same name, this mainstream blockbuster also premiered at the festival.

www.theblacksheeponline.com

The Black Sheep Interviews: Ben & Vesper We sat down with Ben Stamper of lovey-dovey band duo Ben & Vesper to talk insults, accordions and being married to your bandmate. They have a new album, Honors, out right now. You should buy it. The Black Sheep: So you and Vesper are married. Did it has a band sound. It was recorded quickly to contain that you meet and start a band, or start a band and get live feeling. It really defines a moment in time, which we’re hitched? excited about. It’s pretty sonically diverse; there are lots of Ben Stamper: We were working on our own projects, different things going on in each song. It’s a sonic journey. playing the same festival. By chance we were sharing the TBS: You worked with Sufjan Stevens on Honors, how’d bill at a concert. We met through music. We started working that happen? What’s it like? together when we got married. Ben: We’ve known him for a while and over the years we’ve TBS: How does the creative process work with maintained a pretty collaborative relationship with him. He’s marriage? Like, you can break up a band easily…you played on most of our albums. We work with him in a very can’t really say, “See ya later, wife!” friendly, congenial way, which is always a Ben: It’s about finding a rhythm that works nice break on a record. We met him many, for a music relationship and a personal many years ago when we used to run a There are more than relationship. We have a process that respects There's a U of I house concert series out of our home. We porn sites both sides of it. For Ben & Vesper I do all of 26 million invited him to play, and our friendship grew professor the initial writing, but Vesper has her own out of that. actually named parts and a lot of say in the final product. We TBS: You guys have some weird both went to art school, so we’re used to instruments, including an accordion, how Ben Vesper! criticism, because that’s what art school is do you guys accumulate all that stuff? about. Ben: The accordion, I don’t know, it’s TBS: Speaking of criticism, how do you something Vesper’s always been interested deal with it in the media? in playing. The accordion is great because Ben: I actually like criticism, even if it’s DID YOU KNOW it’s so portable and has a unique sound. negative, assuming that it’s obvious that the TBS: What’s the weirdest instrument you reviewer really thought it out. I play for an audience, so it guys have worked with? would be foolish to discount a well thought-out voice. Ben: I’d say an old piano I dismantled. I took the sound TBS: Let’s talk about your new album, Honors, what board out and tuned it to a really unique tune. can a listener expect to hear on it? TBS: At what point did you decide that was a good Ben: It’s our second full-length album. It’s a new experience idea? for me because it’s composed of newer material as well as Ben: (Laughs) I think that…whatever arrangement we’re some old material. I’m not used to working with old material playing with has to serve the material in the end. You may because it feels dated to me. It’s based around a live band, have the idea to use this random instrument- this thing no

music

Brendan wrote this

one has ever used before- but there’s no point if it doesn’t serve the sound of the song. TBS: What’s the best insult anyone’s ever used against you? Ben: In a music review someone was reviewing our first EP and they said we sounded like “two Disney-fied hyenas as they corner a zebra.” TBS: So were you like, “fuck this guy!” or was it a slowclap, “you got me” moment? Ben: We were very impressed with the imagery, and I’ve even considered using it in a song. The reviewer worked at crafting a way to describe his impressions of the record. We put it up on the website. I’d much rather have an insult like that than someone taking a passive glance at our work.

Out Now

Track-By-Track Analysis: Kanye West My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

This week, Kanye West’s is on pace to sell the 1,000,000 copy of his latest album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. A couple months ago, Pitchfork Media gave that same album an unprecedented and rare 10.0 out of 10.0 rating. Huh. The same guy with multiple drunk, danceable tracks; who grunts a lot; who talks a lot of shit; who is super duper confident and pretty awesome; who has tons of mainstream success… we’re curious as to what the hipsterist of hipster music saw in him. Here is our track-by-track analysis of the album.

Dark Fantasy: The opening track starts with an accented Nicki Minaj, transitions into gospel singing and ends up with some catchy, slow-ass rhymes. Okay Kanye, we’re hooked. We could bump and grind to this, while taking awkward pauses to look around at other people. Gorgeous: Raekwon and Kid Cudi show up early, Rae with a good, hard verse, while Cudi leaves something to be desired. When I listen to rap music I want to hear something foul-mouthed and fast-paced. I understand because… Power: ...the next track evokes images of Jessie Eisenberg running around, flipping off the proverbial “man.” And now the damn song is everywhere, during the Super Bowl it was on at least 1 trailer, as well as those “The

others

Yanni – Truth of Touch Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 37 And You Will Know Us... – Tao of the Dead

Chicago Code” promos they showed every 16 seconds. This does not make the song less delightful. All Of The Lights: Blinding (see what we did there?) in its above-averageness. It’s not great, but it’s a pretty good tribute to the lake King of Pop. Wait, did the CEO of Pepsi die or something? Monster: One of the best songs on the album, and the track that put Nicki Minaj on the map for white people everywhere. Her bizarre accent and random screaming in this song make contextual sense, as does collaborating with hipster deity Bon Iver, though he’s barely noticeable on this trace. Good name-drop though. So Appalled: Obviously anything that Jay-Z touches turns to platinum, and this track is no different. The dark melody and catchy backbeat resonate throughout the six minutes. It’s super-catchy, and the bros love it, even when it’s just RZA screaming ridiculous rhymes; “five-start dishes/different exotic fishes.” Sure, why not? Devil In A New Dress: The 2010-2011 evolution of Kanye’s first hit single, “Slow Jamz.” Sub out mediocre rapper Twista for mediocre rapper Rick Ross, sub out the Michael Jackson diss for a few passes at rapper-turnedpreacher Ma$e and keep Jamie Foxx away from the whole ordeal and it’s a Motorhead – The World Is Your Kurt Elling – The Gate Cut Copy – Zonoscope

Jessica Sommers wrote this

straight repeat, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Runaway: “24/7, 365 pussy stays on my mind…” Clipse’s Pusha-T absolutely murders his verse on “Runaway,” and it barely can keep up with the rest of the song. West’s never had a problem with honesty, and his selfloathing is in full bloom here. This song is just about perfect. Hell Of A Life: Distorted, pulsating guitar? Porn stars? We sure this isn’t Marilyn Manson? Not a great song by any stretch, but filler on this album would be a lead track on pretty much anything else. Hard to fault West for putting out an above-average banger, did people get pissed when Jordan only dropped 30? Blame Game: For years we’ve been saying Kanye’s hubris is only a front for massive insecurity issues, and if that’s not obvious to anyone by now they deserve to get hit by a truck. This song, along with “Runaway,” prove it. A pretty song heavy on the self-loathing, confusion and sadness. Lost In The World: More heartbreak from Mr. Yeezy, but…umm…a little more energetic. The beat is sick, the lyrics are tight and meaningful, and it stays in the same vein as the rest of the album. Plus, Bon Iver again. Who Will Survive In America: Who gives a shit, really? Poetry? Oh noetry! Thin Lizzy – Jailbreak: Deluxe Edition Hawk Nelson – Crazy Love/The Light Sides Thompson Square - Thompson Square

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bartender

WEEK

of the

Nickname: Onetime Age: 25 Relationship Status: Single Drink: Nothing but PBR! Favorite Drink: PBR or Whisky Porn name: “Eppe” cause he’s already a porn star Favorite pickup line: Can I get a ride? Best thing about the job: Doing magic tricks at the door. Celebrity you wanna beat up: Everyone, but especially Oprah.

drink

olfis Eppe W tt The Stru

Nothing but PBR!

shot

Johnny Vegas

+ Jose Cuervo +Watermelon schnapps +Red Bull

dare you

Come in and find out

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Movie Quiz

Do you know how two of our favorite big picture celebrities are related? Figure it out, email us at 6degrees@theboozenews.com, and the first 10 win a prize! m

Answers

6 Degrees of separation:

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Valentine's Day Cards...Cut 'Em Out!