The High Road: Guam's Guide to Elevating Your Life | September 2010 | Parenting Guide

SEPTEMBER 2010 — GUAM’S GUIDE TO ELEVATING YOUR LIFE | LIVING | FITNESS | STYLE | TECH | STRONGER MIND + BODY

RIDES: PARTY WITH THE NEW 2011 FORD FIESTA

OUR GUIDE TO RAISING YOUR CHILDREN IN THE MODERN AGE

www.highroadmagazine.com

INSIDE THIS ISSUE:

GET YOUR BABY TO SLEEP | HOW TO TAKE GREAT PHOTOS DEALING WITH CYBERBULLYING | BUY THE RIGHT CAR SEAT A DAD’S GUIDE TO RAISING A DAUGHTER AND MORE!

publisher’s post 9.10 Publisher Norman Analista

A parent is more than just a provider

By Norman Analista

I was just 22 years old when my daughter was born on January 19, 1998.

Words could not describe the joy I felt, even though the special moment was tempered with a little bit of hardship. She was born at eight months, weighing 3.5 pounds and measuring no more than the length of my forearm. And because she was born prematurely, she had to spend time in an incubator.

Now more than ever, we have to become vigilant and innovative to adapt to these changing times.

After about a week in the hospital, we finally brought her home. Many adjustments had to be made to the routine I had grown used to – especially my sleeping patterns. For the first few months, my wife and I would wake up to the cries of our baby girl. Sometimes, I’d even pretend to be sound asleep unless my wife insisted I get up to help out. And especially when it was time to bathe her and change diapers, I was nowhere to be found!

When my son was born a year and a half later, I found myself to be the same way. I wasn’t accustomed to my full role as a father yet. Like many other men, I thought that I was supposed to bring home the paycheck, pay for health insurance, supply the milk and diapers and made sure we had a roof over our heads and so forth.

I wholeheartedly accepted the responsibility of ensuring the physical well-being of my children - to be the provider of the family. This was to be my expression of love.

As I’ve matured as a parent, however, I’ve come to realize that there’s much more than fulfilling my family’s basic needs — mothers and fathers need to become engaged in various ways. Our society is constantly evolving,

and we’re competing with technology, the media, and peer pressure which all have the capability to negatively influence our children — if we let them.

Now more than ever, we have to become vigilant and innovative to adapt to these changing times.

In this issue, we’ll take a look at how we can become more effective parents through the experiences of others and advice from the experts.

In the coming pages, you’ll find a variety of tips from dealing with Cyberbullying to taking awesome baby pictures. Overall, we had a great time putting this issue together. And I appreciate the help of all those who contributed in one form or another.

In closing, whether you’re the parent of a newborn or a teen, we hope that this month’s issue becomes a helpful resource for you. Thanks again for taking The High Road! See you next month!

Sincerely,

Editor & DESIGNER Carlo Cariño Writers Maresa Aguon Leo Babauta Maria Cenzon, Esq. Dave Currie, Ph. D. Marylou Dulay, M.D. Jill Espiritu Peter Lombard, M.D. MaryAnn Pangelinan Suzanne Perez Dave Ramsey Faye Varias Photography Eugene C. Herrera Production Coordinator Raphon Apiag Published by Triple J Creative Services For advertising Inquiries contact: Tel: 648-6081 Fax: 649-3679 marketing@triplejguam.com THE HIGH ROAD Vol. 1 No. 10 is published 12 times per year (monthly) by Triple J Creative Services, 157 South Marine Corps Drive Tamuning, Guam 96913; (671) 646-9126. Copyright 2010

by Triple J Creative Services. All rights reserved. The reporting in THE HIGH ROAD is meant to increase your knowledge in various areas of life and wellbeing. Because everyone is different, the ideas expressed and research shared cannot be used to diagnose or treat individual health or other problems. Seek professional help. The views expressed in this publication are the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of Triple J Creative Services, its staff, management or its Board of Directors. Triple J Creative Services makes no representation concerning and does not guarantee the source, originality, accuracy, completeness or reliability of any statement, information, data, finding, interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.

definition: the high road also high·road n. The most positive, diplomatic, or ethical course. http://www.highroadmagazine.com

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SEPTEMBER 2010 — GUAM’S GUIDE TO ELEVATING YOUR LIFE | LIVING | FITNESS | STYLE | TECH | STRONGER MIND + BODY

24 | Safety: t: Install your Buckle it righright way car seat the next door 25 | Strangers : How to stop 26 | Live Easyrp arent being a hype rbullying 27 | Stop Cybe your child 28 | Saving for s: When 30 | Bright Ideeanough listening isn’t for Kids 31 | Vision Care t Pictures of 32 | Take Grena Your Childre ur Kids 34 | Getting Yo to Sleep

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ISSUE: GREAT PHOTOS INSIDE THIS TO SLEEP | HOW TO TAKE CAR SEAT RIGHT GET YOUR BABY BULLYING | BUY THEAND MORE! TER DEALING WITH CYBER RAISING A DAUGH A DAD’S GUIDE TO

rides 9.10

4 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

COMMUNITY PULSE If you have a positive photo of community interest, send it to community@highroadmagazine.com and we might include it in a future issue of The High Road.

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Jason Kraus, systems engineer at Deloitte & Touche, and Lolita Reyes, GCC asst. director of Development and Alumni Relations, hold one of five laptops donated to GCC by Deloitte & Touche on Aug. 6 for the upcoming WorkKeys program soon to be implemented at GCC.

The Guam Visitors Bureau (GVB) today introduced its title sponsor, Adidas Japan, to the island’s media and running community at the Pacific Islands Club.

Mr. Kentaro Kawai, Adidas Japan Group Manager, Brand / Running/Tennis marketing, and sport performance announced that Adidas Japan plans to launch a series of Ekiden relay races in Japan with the championship race to be held at the 2011 Guam Ko’ko’ Road Race.

Pictured here (left to right): David Tydingco, Guam Visitors Bureau, Chairman of the Board, Kentaro Kawai, Adidas Japan, 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa Project Manager, Group Manager, Brand/Running/Tennis, Brand Marketing, Sport Performance and Ernie Galito, Guam Visitors Bureau, Deputy General Manager.

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you’ll never regret 9.10

Constant criticism and condemnation crush the spirit and erode a child’s confidence.

The fall is an exciting time for families with the anticipation of school. When that first bell rings, there is the surge of excitement of reconnecting with friends, the new classroom setting, the new teacher and the new opportunities.

The influence of teachers and school is so significant. That being said, never for a second underestimate the incredibly important role you play as parents in the shaping of a life. You are always the number one, instrumental force that forges your child into who they will ultimately be.

I want to affect your ability to impact your children’s lives. Fill your children’s heads and hearts with these three essentials to create confident and secure kids. Withhold them and lose!

DOn’t hold back Can you give me any reason why you would ever withhold your ACCEPTANCE? Children need a sense of belonging. They want to know their place is secure. They must know that home is where they are loved, esteemed and valued. At one time, when Jody, our oldest child went off to a university, she and I wrote and e-mailed each other a lot. In a teasing way, she signed one of her letters home, “Love, Jody, Your Perfect Daughter.” Thirteen years later, the letters “YPD” are

6 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

Fill your children’s heads and hearts with these three essentials to create confident and secure kids.

still after her signature. When Keldy, our younger daughter (at age 11) got wind of the special letters, she saw it as a special connection between Jody and I. She concluded I must love the perfect daughter more. Within weeks and a good talk, she had a set of unique letters too and became my “Faultless Daughter.”

You see, each child longs to feel attached. They want to have that special unbreakable connection.

With one family I helped, after a clearly disappointing set of actions by the son, the father said, “No son of mine will ever...” and went on to describe the poor behavior. The son muttered these words through brimming tears as he walked away, “I guess I am not your son.” Parents, accept your kids – warts, wrinkles and all. Don’t let behavior affect belonging.

Can you give me any reason why you would ever withhold your FORGIVENESS? Children make mistakes – we all do, right? It’s how we handle them that matters. Making mistakes is okay. But making adjustments and making amends is essential.

Help your kids learn from their

screw-ups and move on. And when they blow it and even make you look bad, be willing to forgive them and give them a fresh start - a clean slate. My wife, Donalyn, and I took the stance and told our kids, “there is nothing you will ever do to make us stop loving you.” To withhold forgiveness is to withhold love. Model a forgiving heart. Teach them how to do it right. Love them through it all.

Can you give me a reason why you would ever withhold ENCOURAGEMENT? Words of affirmation are like the air we breathe. We all need it to survive. Research shows that for every negative comment a child receives, they need four to six times the positive verbal reinforcement to bring their self-worth back to a state of equilibrium. Picture a spilt milk incident and you as a parent saying something like “You stupid klutz.

Can’t you do anything right? Is it that hard to pour a glass of milk?

How many times have I told you to be careful? Now clean up this mess good!!” Easily said and done. Would most parents in the course of the next 24 hours

build up that same child with six encouraging remarks? I doubt not. That is one of the primary reasons why 80% of teenagers have low views of themselves. Constant criticism and condemnation crush the spirit and erode their confidence. Build your kids up. Believe in them. Be their greatest fan. Let them know, in words and action, “I am behind you, I know you can do it!”

When you see families that are fractured, alienated and not speaking to each other, it is usually one or more of these relational gifts that they are withholding from each other. I suggest that you give these things generously.

If you want to see a great example of how to do it right, take time to read the story of the prodigal son and how his father treated him (See Luke 15 in any Bible). Wow, what an example! Even though his son made a huge mess of his life, you got it, there were three things that the father never withheld...acceptance, forgiveness and encouragement. It might be time for every parent to do the same.

You’ll never regret putting your marriage and family first – especially extending this kind of love to raise confident and secure children. Pass this on to all the parents you know to encourage them as they build the next generation. ■

Dr. Dave Currie, as a Marriage and Family educator, counselor and sought after international speaker, is known as America’s TV Relationship Coach. He hosted Marriage Uncensored for 6 seasons and has been a welcome guest on Guam on four occasions. He and his wife live in the Pacific Northwest.

Send your questions to Dr. Dave at drdave@doingfamilyright.com or visit his website www.doingfamilyright.com for tons of great relational help. Get Dr. Dave’s daily marriage and family tips by following him on Twitter - www.twitter.com/ doingfmilyright

dining out 9.10

MORE THAN PEPPERONI: CPK By Suzanne Zahnen Perez A

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In the mood for unique culinary creations? Then California Pizza Kitchen, or CPK, has the menu for diners looking for new flavor combinations.

California Pizza Kitchen, or CPK, is the leader in authentic California-style cuisine. There are currently 260 CPK restaurants in 32 states and ten in foreign countries.

It introduced flavors from all over the world from Thai to Jamaican Jerk on pizzas. Guam has its own CPK restaurant located in the Holiday Resort and Spa in Tumon. The vast array of menu items is sure to please many taste buds.

CPK Guam opened its doors in October 2008. General Manager Jerry F. Pastones said CPK’s menu goes beyond gourmet pizza.

Also served are salads, pasta dishes, soups, sandwiches, appetizers and desserts. Pastones said customers can expect a warm, comfortable, modern ambiance in his restaurant. Having served customers from all walks of life, Pastones said everyone has their favorite menu items.

8 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

“The more popular items are the avocado club egg rolls, Thai crunch salad, the Original BBQ Chicken Pizza, the Milan Pizza, the Garlic Cream Fettuccine, the Chicken Club Sandwich, and the Red Velvet Cake.

A meal won’t be complete without delectable desserts. The red velvet cake –includes three layers of moist cake frosted with vanilla bean cream cheese and white chocolate curls served on vanilla bean sauce. CPK also offers Tiramisu – sweet Italian cream cheese and marsala custard between layers of espresso and rum-laced lady fingers topped with shaved bitter-sweet chocolate and a white chocolate strawberry cheesecake – A creamy New York style cheesecake with strawberry swirls topped with white chocolate curls, on an Oreo cookie crust and is served with fresh whipped cream.

Pastones has tried practically everything on the menu. Although he enjoys each dish, he would recommend the following to his customers. “This is tough but my favorite menu items are the avocado club egg rolls, lettuce wraps, minestrone soup, miso salad with shrimp, the original chopped salad, original BBQ chicken pizza, Sicilian Pizza, Kung Pao spaghetti with shrimp, red velvet cake and turtle Sundae, to name a few,” he said.

The restaurant includes a bar area and patio. Customers seated at the patio can enjoy the cool breezes and Tumon scenery while enjoying their meal.

For those watching their budgets, Pastones said an average check per person is under $20. If you would like to experience authentic California-style cuisine, call 6474888/4777 today for a reservation.

Walk-ins are also welcome. ■

IMAGES OF TASTE A. CALIFORNIA CLUB PIZZA: Applewood smoked bacon, grilled chicken and Mozzarella cheese, hearth-baked, then topped with Roma tomatoes, chilled chopped lettuce tossed in mayonnaise and fresh sliced avocado.

B. CHICKEN MARSALA: Thinly pounded chicken breast, sautéed with fresh mushrooms and fresh broccoli in a marsala wine sauce. Served with linguini fini pasta.

C. RED VELVET CAKE: Three layers of moist red velvet cake frosted with vanilla bean cream cheese and white chocolate curls. Served on vanilla bean sauce. Also available à la Dryers ice cream.

B. MISO SALAD WITH SHRIMP: Shredded Napa cabbage and crispy wontons tossed with fresh avocado, julienne cucumbers, edamame, carrots, red cabbage, green onions, cilantro, crispy rice noodles and crispy wontons tossed in a Miso dressing and topped with shrimp.

finances 9.10

I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS. SHOULD I KEEP LENDING MONEY TO MY SIBLING? Dear Dave, What’s the best way to respond to a sibling who continually makes poor choices with money and often asks to borrow money? I don’t want to be heartless, but they’re out of control asking for money anytime they want. I’m currently on Baby Step 2 of your plan, and I’m six months away from being debtfree. Do you have any suggestions? — Jen

Dear JEN, I think you should just tell them the truth. You’re trying to get out of debt, so you don’t have extra money sitting around. Let this sibling know that you’re working hard to change the way you handle your money. Let them know, too, that part of that is you’ve decided debt is dumb, so you don’t borrow or loan money anymore.

Make sure you do this with a kind spirit, Jen. You could even let them know you might consider giving them some money as a gift if you had any extra lying around and you knew they were in control financially. But you’re not really helping someone who’s incompetent with money when you give them cash or even loan them money.

You’ve got to look at the big picture in situations like this.

You’re not helping someone if you participate in their misbehavior with them. Sometimes you have to love somebody enough to tell them the truth, and that can mean saying no and telling them to straighten up! — Dave ............................................

Dear Dave, I want to keep one of our cred-

10 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

it cards open and use the billpay option for utilities and other monthly bills. I want to do this so we can continue earning rewards points, and the way I look at it, we’d just be re-routing the money and paying it off every month. My husband doesn’t like this idea and thinks we should get rid of them all. Am I just asking for trouble by wanting to keep the rewards card open? — Cheryl

Dear CHERYL, Yes, you are. Life never works out exactly the way you think it will. You can make all the wellreasoned and best-intentioned plans you want, but sooner or later that snake is going to bite you.

The only thing I’d consider in a situation like this is a debit card that has a rewards system attached. Lots of debit card programs offer the same kinds of rewards programs offered by credit card companies, with one big exception—you don’t have to go into debt!

You need to stop chasing these stupid brownie points.

According to Consumer Reports, 78 percent of credit card airline miles are never redeemed. Studies also show

that people spend more when using credit cards as opposed to cash. That extra money you spent is money you could have been saving.

Cut up the card and close the account, Cheryl. You don’t build wealth by using credit cards! — Dave ............................................

Dear Dave, I agree that historically gold is an extremely volatile investment. But wouldn’t it be a good idea to take advantage of this gold bubble and its popularity due to the market’s current hysteria? — Kevin

Dear KEVIN, A bubble is when an investment is no longer based on numbers, but on greed or fear.

So, you’re right on about it being a gold bubble. That’s exactly what’s happening at this point. Now, should you take advantage of that? Absolutely not.

You never know when a bubble will burst, but trust me—the bubble will burst on gold.

Here’s what happens during a bubble, using the real estate market as an example. Several years ago, Las Vegas was

the fastest growing city in North America. People were drawn by the flashing lights and the commercials. Most of them didn’t know the city had a vibrant, legitimate economy without all the gambling and glitter. There was a gold rush mentality when it came to buying property, and an irrational level of excitement drove the prices. In the end, it was a lot like playing musical chairs. The music stopped, and lots of folks were left without a seat. Someone gets booted every time!

A lot of this stuff about gold comes from the foolish idea that it’s the standard the world is based upon. This simply is not true. Gold is not the standard that wealth is based on, and it hasn’t been since the days of the Roman Empire. Gold has no intrinsic value. As a matter of fact, silver is probably a better investment. It’s being used like crazy in manufacturing for microchips and other products, and because of this has an actual mechanical, utilitarian value.

I work way too hard for my money to mess around and see it disappear in the blink of an eye. That’s why I don’t mess with bubbles. When it comes to investing, I want to be the tortoise—not the hare. I’m going to invest in things that are steady, slow, and have long track records of success! — Dave. ■ Dave Ramsey is a personal money management expert, popular national radio personality and the author of three New York Times best sellers – The Total Money Makeover, Financial Peace Revisited and More Than Enough. In them, Ramsey exemplifies his life’s work of teaching others how to be financially responsible. For more information visit www.daveramsey.com.

fitness 9.10

BOUNCING BACK SERIOUS FITNESS AFTER TWO PREGNANCIES By MaryAnn Pangelinan

Vivian Muratani — a mother with small children, a busy schedule, and 73 pounds of excess weight — was convinced she would never get her body into shape after two pregnancies.

PUTTING IN THE WORK: Vivian Muratani’s weight loss efforts include cardiovascular activity (left) and strength training, misinformed from the “Carbs are bad” to the “weight training will make you buff” myths. For many years, trainers and fitness experts, and especially infomercials on television, have ill-advised their clients and viewers creating a craze in fad diets, diet pills, and miracle exercise programs that promise huge weight drops. People have been convinced with the “one size fits all” fitness program. Other variables such as health condition, fitness level, age, finances, work, support system, family obligations, daily schedule, etc. are not taken into consideration. This was the first and most important lesson Vivian learned from the beginning of her program.

All her life she’d struggled with weight and unfortunately, an eating disorder that led her to the hospital.

Vivian enlisted the help of Tony Morrison and quickly realized the commitment required of her to attain a healthy body. She went from a size 16 to a size 4 today.

How did she do it? She learned to develop and follow a weight loss and nutrition program that included: • A balanced meal plan specifically for weight loss, strength and conditioning • Strength training for toning and physical development • Cardiovascular activity for fat loss • Weekly monitoring and assessment for continued progress • Supplementation to provide the body with complete nutrients

According to Tony, a specific strategy needs to be developed for anyone aiming to transform their physique and maintain a fit body.

First, their eating habits, physical activity, and mind set about weight drop needs to be readjusted. Many people have been

12 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

Personal program Here’s a closer look at her weekly routine that Tony developed to

BEFORE

AFTER

Vivian learned early on that honesty and accuracy when preparing her meals determine how well she succeeds.

DIET MONITORING Vivian learned early on that honesty and accuracy when preparing her meals determines her weekly success in weight drop and lower body fat percentage.

Her calorie in-take and carb/protein/fat ratios are calculated to fit her daily and weekly activities.

She pays careful attention to details by measuring her food properly to ensure she consumes the right amount of macronutrients.

A healthy balance Like everyone else, it was difficult for Vivian to balance work and family while implementing a fitness strategy. It all started with the help and support of her husband David. They were able to create an effective system that allotted her the time to workmake her goals attainable.

She was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis due to her weight gain during pregnancy. She also had bone spurs on her heels. For cardio, Tony limited her to the recumbent or spinning bikes for her fat burning activity. Every Monday and Friday, you’ll see her in the 5 a.m.. Spin class at Paradise Fitness, Hagåtña. She also incorporates the stair master and treadmill on other days.

Vivian follows Morrison’s fullbody fitness program that was featured in The High Road’s February, March, and April 2010 issues.

She continues to be a member of Paradise Fitness under Tony’s guidance and weight trains three times a week on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

BEYOND THE SCALES: A healthy all-around lifestyle is a reward that means more than just the number of pounds Vivian has lost.

out on a daily basis without sacrificing too much time away from her family. David was inspired by his wife’s improvements and later enrolled in Tony’s program. Today the two of them support and motivate each other to maintain their active lifestyles.

Progress Vivian Muratani has lost and kept off 73 pounds of excess weight. She had many obstacles in her way, but she decided to make a change and did it. Like all of us, she still has her struggles; but it never stops her from getting back on track.

“I learned to be patient and to commit to my goal. I learned to accept life the way it is and most importantly, be happy with how far I’ve come,” Vivian said. ■

HIGH ROAD STYLE

BLOOM WITH

FLORALS Who says

floral prints and

sophistication can’t go hand-in-hand?

Show off your tropical side with these fashionably flowered basics.

Achieve a laid-back, but polished look with the right pieces of clothing and accessories. While floral prints add character to any outfit, the right accessories serve to anchor the pieces together.

THE LOOK: Rosemarie Nanpei is wearing a classic black floral print blouse from American Rag, wide-leg jeans, round orange earrings by M Style Lab, and orange bangle bracelet by Macy’s.

HIGH ROAD STYLE

Real men know how to wear flowers with pride.

Strike the right chord with a classic Hawaiian print.

Combine your short-sleeve shirt with a pair of khakis or casual chinos and you’ll be strumming to the tune of good fashion sense.

18 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

THE LOOK: Jeff Borja is wearing a button-down Hawaiian print shirt by Reyn Spooner, “Freedom Fit” Khaki Pants by Tommy Hilfiger.

Textures and details make an outfit shine.

THE LOOK: Roxie Reyes is sporting a beige crochet scarf

by American Rag, Pin-tuck floral blouse by American Rag, and skinny jeans by Tyte.

Partial to neutrals.

Infuse color to a quiet palette with vivid floral prints.

Include accessories that are rich in textures and details — like this crocheted scarf — to upgrade from plain to effortless glam.

A

B

HIGH ROAD STYLE

A

Live a colorful life.

A: Rosemarie is wearing a floral pleated spaghetti strap dress by Trixxi, off white Denim jacket by Style & Co., dragonfly charm necklace by M Style Lab, and dusty plum handbag by Jessica Simpson.

B: Roxie is showcasing a pink and navy floral print baby doll blouse by Free People, dark wash skinny jeans by Tyte, denim cropped jacket and earrings are provided by the stylist and model.

C: Jeff is sporting a beach blue and gray dress shirt by Quicksilver, gray blazer by INC, straight-leg blue denim jeans by Guess, and black and white striped hat by American Rag. D: Rosemarie is modeling a blue and white dancing daisies shirt by INC, white linen pants by INC, layered silver teardrop necklace by Macy’s, 11-piece bangle bracelet

by Macy’s, woven hat by Ben Sherman, and white snakeskin tote bag by Style & Co, Credits: Models: Rosemarie Nanpei, Roxie Reyes, and Jeff Borja.

Clothes: Macy’s Stylist: Hernalin Analista Photography: Eugene C. Herrera Location: Hilton Guam Resort & Spa 20 the high road SEPTEMBER

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Relating to daughters doesn’t come natural to many of us, but we can learn to connect in an affirming way.

We testosterone-filled males can relate well to girls, and it doesn’t require a huge adjustment in our approach. We have so much potential power to influence their self-esteem, their independence, and their healthy body image.

Many experts are even finding that our masculine approach is a big benefit with daughters, not a hindrance.

Here are five key things that daughters need from their dads, based on research among several thousand dads:

1

COMFORT

Moms are great at giving comfort, but our daughters need it from us as well. The ability to comfort can be a huge asset to our relationships with our daughters—especially after a disappointment or a heated confrontation. If you have a tense relationship with your daughter, it isn’t easy to dive in and start comforting her. But you can start building a foundation for that acceptance and comfort by working on these three areas: First, allow her to express her feelings. It may sound obvious, but too few daughters feel an open acceptance from their dads. She needs freedom to express what she’s thinking, all the while knowing that you will respond calmly and not overreact, even when she has made a mistake. It’s so important to build the kind of relationship that encourages her to come to you with anything that’s on her heart.

Second, and closely related to the first, actively listen to her. Allowing her to express herself won’t make a difference if you don’t make the effort to draw her out, ask clarifying questions, clear your mind of preconceptions, read her voice inflections and body language, and keep listening for the heart of her concern.

And third, respond with empathy. It’s often a dad’s first reaction to try to fix the problem or launch into a lecture to make sure she has learned her lesson. But what she really needs is empathy. Simply express sadness or concern for what she is going through. It lets her know you are there for her, it will help you short-circuit your anger or disappointment and help you avoid a meltdown, and it will better prepare you to take action, if needed, to help your daughter.

2

GUIDANCE

As a girl matures, she comes to some significant crossroads. There are important life decisions ahead, and she needs the benefits of her dad’s life experiences and wisdom as she considers options and thinks through possible consequences of her choices.

First, guiding means discerning what’s right in the midst of all the gray areas in our culture.

Young women are under a lot of pressure to look, act, and be a certain way—to maintain a certain image. They also face expectations in regard to their future aspirations. Often, we men can bring an analytical approach to help clarify the picture and guide them along.

We can also guide through correction. Guidance really is the ultimate goal of discipline.

Enforcing limits and consequences is important, but especially with daughters we need to make sure we’re also communicating about why they’re being corrected, and letting them know clearly that, though their behavior may be unacceptable, we will always love and accept them as our children.

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ENCOURAGEMENT

When it comes to our daughters’ self-image, we’re a huge influence— and it goes deeper than appearance.

Girls feel pressure to be smart, thin, pretty, and involved in certain activities. We have the ability to make our daughters feel beautiful, inside and out.

First, we need to become comfortable affirming them verbally—giving thoughtful, clear, specific blessings that say, “You can do it,” or simply, “I love you.” That does include pointing out beautiful physical features, but it’s so much more. Compliment character qualities like emotional strength, a sense of humor, loyalty, intelligence and courage. Most of all, make it clear that, even without those features, you’d still love her just as much.

Get involved in her pursuits. Show that she is worth investing your time and energy.

Demonstrate confidence in her abilities. You might share something you’re working on and ask her opinion, or give her a challenging assignment and express trust that she can handle it. If your daughter knows that you think of

CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

her as a future achiever, that can change her whole outlook on the future.

4

VISION

Vision has to do with the attitudes a dad conveys about who his daughter is and what she can become. If we’re negative or even uncertain about our daughters’ future, that can be devastating. For example, a dad might tell his daughter, “Don’t worry about doing well in geometry; it might be over your head.”

It’s likely she’ll associate math with inadequacy—and maybe all her classes will suffer.

Or he might say, “Go easy on the sweets, Honey. You know boys don’t date overweight girls.”

There’s a good chance she will prove him right. Or, she may be-

come obsessed with proving him wrong and take any measures to be thin. Or, going a step further, she might throw herself at the first boy that shows her some positive attention.

Our daughters’ ability to achieve their potential depends in part on our resolve to appreciate them and cast a positive vision for their future. In practical terms, we can watch and take note of a daughter’s gifts and aspirations. Or just ask her, “What are your dreams?”

Dads can also “speak destiny” to their daughters by making positive comments that are specific to them. We don’t want to place expectations on them, but cast a hopeful vision. You might say, “You have such a sensitive heart.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you end up helping a lot of people in your lifetime.”

Write her short notes or e-mail where you affirm her and talk about your hopes for her life.

In many little ways, our daughters are asking us, “What am I good at, Dad? What do you see in me?” We need to be ready with

22 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

words of hope and promise.

5

PROTECTION

We typically think of protection as defending our daughters’ physical safety, but there are also emotional, moral and spiritual dangers out there. If we’re fulfilling our role, our girls will have a sense of security even when we can’t personally be there to protect them.

First, be aware and guard against the many forces that could threaten her. There are people who could try to lure her into a destructive lifestyle, or to follow a world-view that doesn’t match with your values. Not to mention the violence and sex on TV, the Internet, in music and movies. You have to be aware and ready to take appropriate action.

Second, prepare her to handle dangerous situations. We can’t always be there, but teaching our daughters skills is another way of protecting them. We can talk through scenarios and help them think through appropri-

ate responses—whether it’s calling 9-1-1 or changing a flat tire.

Or conversations like, “What happens when you lie to a friend?”

Or, “What do you suppose a teenage boy is thinking about when your friend wears an outfit like that?” We should prepare them to handle an uncomfortable dating situation, or an adult who does something inappropriate.

We need to teach them how to say “no.”

And the last one is simply prayer. The thought of protecting our daughters should be humbling, because we can’t always be with them, and we can’t anticipate every danger. But we can seek God’s protection daily for our daughters.

Dad, you are a tremendous and vital resource to meeting these five needs in the life of your daughter.

These needs are not limited by age, but manifest themselves in the heart of a little girl and continue on throughout her adult life—even into her own marriage relationship. ■

safety 9.10

Buckle it Right Buying car seats and boosters isn’t the only step to child safety — you also have to ensure you’re using them correctly. By Faye Varias It’s the middle of a hot summer day and an enthusiastic Therese Matanane is waving to a line of cars.

She was guiding them all to a group of certified child passenger safety technicians from the Department of Public Works Office of Highway Safety (DPWOHS) at a recent free car seat check up.

Therese is the program coordinator for the OHS, and the group is on one of their outreach events, educating the public about the proper use of car seats and boosters.

“Every year, [the office] holds a four-day course to certify participants to CPS technicians, after which they become certified. This event is their training ground to use what they learned to educate parents,” Therese said.

The Law According to a new law passed earlier this year, children below the age of 4 must be in a child Matanane restraint system and those ages 4 to 11 and under 4-feet, 9-inches should be in a booster seat.

She said an alarming 20 percent of people don’t use car seats and booster seats for their children and of those who do, a whopping 30 percent are used incorrectly. “Many parents graduate their children into using the regular seat belt as soon as their child outgrows their car seat. But they’re still too small,” she said.

24 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

HOW IT’S DONE Step 1: Place car seats in the

Those who do use them sometimes don’t realize that they aren’t tight enough or isn’t adjusted properly.

Therese said, “We work hand in hand with the police and fire department. We don’t want people to open their eyes after something bad happens. Prevention is the key.” ■

What You Can Do The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has designated Saturday, September 25 as “National Seat Check Saturday. On this date, you can stop by Triple J Honda beside McDonald’s in Tamuning from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.. for free child safety seat inspections. Certified technicians from DPW-OHS and other agencies will be on hand to answer any questions. Call 6486100 for more information.

backseat of the vehicle. The safest place in a vehicle for children under the age of 13 is in the backseat to prevent airbag injuries. You must disable your passenger air bag if you ever place a child under 13 in the front seat.

Step 2: Face the car seat in

the right direction for the weight and age of the child. Infants must be in rear-facing seats until they reach one year of age and 20 pounds. Booster seats must be used for children less than 11 years old and under 4 feet 9 inches in height according to Guam law.

Step 3:

Use the latch system, if available in your vehicle.

Check your owner’s manual to see if your vehicle features these anchors and tethers, which secure the car seat without the need to use a seat belt.

Step 4:

Recline rear-facing seats at the proper angle.

Your infant’s head must rest against the back of the seat.

If the child’s head falls forward,

you must adjust the angle of the seat with rolled up blankets or a foam wedge.

Step 5:

Route the seat belt through the correct slots in the car seat. Car seats that convert from rear to forward facing have different tracts for the seat belt, depending on the position of the seat. Read the CRS manual for instructions.

Step 6:

Adjust the harness straps and clip for the child. The harness strap for infants must be “at” or “below” the shoulder, and for over one year of age, using a convertible or forwarding facing child restraint, the harness strap should be “at” or “above” the child’s shoulder. The retainer clip should be at the armpit level of child’s chest. Remove any twists from the straps each time you use the car seat.

Step 7:

Remove any thick clothing before adjusting the harness straps. Children wearing thick buntings or coats cannot be secured properly, which increases the risk of ejection in a crash.

Source: www.ehow.com

Strangers Next Door Overcome fear by educating yourself and your child about abductions By Faye Varias According the FBI’s National Crime Information Center, parents call the police 2,100 times per day to report a child missing.

While a missing child isn’t an everyday occurrence in Guam, it is still important to ensure children are protected from strangers.

“Missing,” is a term that law enforcement officers use to refer to children who are reported lost under almost any condition, though it can also be a misunderstanding of the child’s whereabouts. In some cases, these children turn up safe within 72 hours, but in others, they never return home.

The Stranger Myth As children, we are all taught not to speak to strangers. But sadly, many of the children that are abducted today are already familiar with their attackers. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, parents have been rehearsing “Stranger Danger” but unfortunately children have a different perception of what a stranger is.

Recent research by the nonprofit international organization found, that in the case of long-term kidnapping, in which the child was found alive, 85 percent of the victims did not consider the offender to be a stranger. And in at least 65 percent of the cases where the child was found dead, and the offender identified, it became clear that the child had not considered the person a stranger.

It is therefore vital that children realize that a stranger is any adult they don’t know well, including adults they might encounter every day, such as a bus driver or a neighbor.

Precautions The Agana Shopping Center offers a free program called, Project KidCare ID, an event started in 1995 as public service to families on Guam and as part of a national effort to provide parents with personal safety Ids of their children in the event of an emergency.

The Project KidCare ID is approved by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The Project KidCare ID is conducted twice a year.

The next one is scheduled for December. Project KidCare is a program used nationwide to help battle the war against missing and exploited children.

The program provides attending children with an ID booklet, which includes the child’s most recent photo, weight, height, hair and eye color. It is given to parents to use, in case of an emergency. ■

TIPS FOR PARENTS • Always know where your child is at all times.

• Never leave your child unattended (at home, shopping malls, cars, etc.).

• Keep a recent photograph of your child and keep track of weight and height.

• Develop an identification file on your child including fingerprint, footprints, dental records and medical information.

• If you’re divorced or separated inform any caregiver of your spouse’s visitation rights.

• Know your child’s friends and their contact details.

• Post all emergency numbers by the phone. These should include police, fire, ambulance, your work number and the number of a trusted friend or relative.

• Listen to everything your child tells you. Encourage your child to tell you about any suspicious events, and believe if he or she has a bad feeling about someone. Tell your child he or she will never be punished for telling.

What You Can Teach Your Child • Teach your child early on about the facts of child abduction.

• Make sure your child knows your full names, full address and phone number. Explain the importance of this information.

• Teach your child how to use a phone and how to dial 911 and inform what to do if he or she is lost.

• Encourage your child to play in groups and in areas surrounded by people.

• If your child for some reason has to be home alone, make sure that all windows and doors are locked and remain that way. Tell your child to never ever open the door for anyone, and to tell people calling on the phone that you are in the house but unable to come to the phone at the moment.

• Teach your child to walk toward oncoming traffic; this way they will not be jumped from behind.

• Discuss and rehearse different scenarios with your child. This practice is vital to show your child the dangers of different scenarios such as strangers asking for directions in cars, offering gifts and making conversations. Tell your child to always back away and seek groups of adults. Always stress that adults should seek other adults for help.

• Teach your children to forget about being polite and scream if they are in a threatening situation.

• Assure your children that if anything ever happens you will never give up looking for them and that you will always love them.

live easy 9.10

If you’re a hyperparent,

you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake, and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted when they are trying to educate their child from the womb, and expose them to the most intellectually stimulating music and art and literature before the kid can crawl. They obsess over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape and bruise. They are overprotective, overbearing and overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once,

and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it only to yourselves, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned that some of these suggestions take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional methods — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on his or her own, and could possibly result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall.

I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It’s a much better response, and you’re teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it’s surprising how little respect we give to kids, because they’re kids.

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopes of the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that’s not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steer the child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hardworking child — but that’s not who the child is. Drop these expectations, and celebrate the child, as she is.

4. Let her play, let her explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow the kid to be a kid. Let her run around outside, ride a bike, explore nature, play with fire. Teach her, of course, about safety and dangers, but let her be a kid.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent.

Stop trying to control the child, and give him some freedom. That doesn’t mean you can say yes all the 26 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

time, because you have needs too, but it does mean you can say “Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I’m done with what I have to do now.”

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge on kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore, and read, and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he’s excited about something, he’ll learn. When you force it on him, he’ll do what he’s forced to do, but not learn much other than you’re controlling.

7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don’t worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you’ve broken a trust, and move on.

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child’s perspective. If you get angry, it’s because you’re only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won’t be mad at the child. You’ll try to make things better for her.

9. If the kid is “acting up,” try to figure out why, and meet that need. Often it’s a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Fig-

ure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don’t need to change him. You don’t need to mold him into the perfect person. He’s already perfect, just as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few, too impermanent. Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish this time with them, and make every moment a good one.

You’ll never regret those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving. ■

Leo Babauta is the author of The Power of Less and the creator and blogger at www. zenhabits.net, a Top 100 blog with 175,000 subscribers — one of the top productivity and simplicity blogs on the Internet. It was recently named one of the Top 25 blogs by TIME magazine. Babauta is a former journalist and freelance writer of 18 years, a husband and father of six children.

Bullying In the New Millennium Protect your kids from online harassment By Maria T. Cenzon, Esq.

As a mother of two pre-teens, I have heard many afterschool tales about the,“Mean Kid.” The person who always seemed to have something nasty to say about other kids’ hair, face, voice, mother … and I’ve listened to my children’s own reactions, (“I ignored him and told my teacher” and the not so diplomatic “I told him to ‘shut up.’”), when they became the recipient of bullying. Sometimes, when my son would suddenly get a stomach ache at 6 a.m. on a Monday after he had been healthy as a horse all weekend long, I’d ask him two things: “Are you sure you don’t have a test today?” and “Is there someone bothering you at school?” When the latter question was affirmed, it was time to have that “What-ToDo-About-Bullying” talk that my generation of parents learned from watching the, “ABC After School Special,” as latch-key kids.

But this is a whole new generation with a vastly more sophisticated form of bullying. No longer is the Mean Kid’s jurisdiction confined to the playground or emptied school halls, but the Internet has expanded his or her kingdom to include my home — if I allowed my children to have accounts on social networking sites like MySpace, Facebook or Twitter.

As parents, we have the responsibility to protect our kids against this invasion which can have tragic consequences.

Cyberbullying has been defined by the Cyberbullying Research Center as “Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.”

Megan Meier was a 13 year old from Missouri who struck up an online friendship on the popular social networking site MySpace with a person she believed was a new boy in

her hometown. In reality, the on-line “friend” was a group of individuals, including adults, who were intent on humiliating the poor girl because of a friendship with another child that had gone awry. When she found out the truth about her “friend,” Megan was very upset, then later committed suicide over the incident.

The horrifying case resulted in the passage of some of the harshest cyberbullying laws in the country.

Still, no matter how much we would like to shield our children from harm in every sense, we cannot wrap them up in a safety cocoon forever.

Cyberbulling can occur via text message on a cell phone, e-mail, or on any social networking site. Photos can be published without permission and “tagged” for others to see and with applications like Facebook’s Places, your child can be rumored to be somewhere he or she is not.

If bullies are now turning to the Internet to use as a sword, parents should be aware that it can also be used as a shield. Safety precautions can be taken without stunting your child’s social development by refusing to allow them to have an account on a social networking site. Monitor your child’s usage. In my house, I tell my daughter that when it comes to her cell phone and e-mail account, “You have absolutely no right to privacy.” This is essentially the same unspoken rule on the Internet

Allow your child to take advantage of the technology available today, but teach your children to be aware.

… nothing you say can ever be guaranteed to stay private. A good rule of thumb is, “If you wouldn’t say it or do it in front of me, don’t text it or e-mail it or post it either.”

Allow your child to take advantage of the technology available today, but teach your children to be aware that nothing they say on the internet is private once it goes out into the virtual world. Then, monitor your child’s account like there’s no tomorrow. ■

ACTION POINTS Here are some things that you can teach your child to do in a situation where he or she is being cyberbullied or is the recipient of a message or post about someone else being cyberbullied: • Refuse to pass along cyberbullying messages • Tell friends to stop cyberbullying • Block communication with cyberbullies • Report cyberbullying to a trusted adult • Never post or share your personal information online (this includes your full name, address, telephone number, school name, parents’ names, credit card number, or Social Security number) or your friends’ personal information.

• Never share your Internet passwords with anyone, except your parents.

• Never meet anyone face-to-face whom you only know online.

• Talk to your parents about what you do online.

kids & money 9.10

LOOKING AHEAD: Audrey Toves and her family are already putting money away for the future.

Saving up for your children By Jill Espiritu

It’s time to start saving!

In the August edition of The High Road, information was presented on how college-bound students can seek resources for financial assistance so that they don’t have to put their educational goals on hold. But what if new parents prepared now for their young child’s future education?

As financial experts explain, time is an ally.

PLAN AHEAD Audrey Toves had planned to attend college, but her dream was put on hold after graduating from high school. Her parents regretfully told her there was no money saved up for her college education and if she wanted to pursue higher education, she’d

“I just want to be prepared enough ... to give my kids options when they finish high school.” - Audrey Toves have to find a way to pay her way through.

Faced with the unsettling news, the 27-year-old Yigo resident had no choice but to enter the work force. Now as a mother, Toves is looking out for the best interest of her children. “I’m starting to save money now,” Audrey explained. She’s currently a server and bartender at TGI Friday’s. “I just want to be prepared enough, at least financially, to give my kids options when they finish high school – whether it is for college tuition, paying for vocational school, or any other life goal they

28 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

have.”

According to Collegeboard.com, college tuition can range from an average of $7,000 per year for a four-year public university to, on average, almost $30,000 per year for a four-year private university. A two-year community college or vocational school may cost about $3,000 per year. The average fees do not include the cost of housing, books, and supplies, the Web site states.

With the rising costs of college tuition and other fees, parents should start saving for their child’s education and future as

soon as they have a social security number, according to Michael F.Q. San Nicolas, Asst.

Vice President and Wealth Manager for Bank of Guam’s Wealth Management Services.

“The sooner a parent invests in their child’s education, the more that child will have when the time comes for them to go to school,” Michael said. “Most importantly, early investments have even more time to grow, making the out-of-pocket costs to the parent that much less.

The Web site FinAid.com, published by Mark Kantrowitz, a nationally recognized financial expert, states it matter-of-factly that saving for college now is less expensive than borrowing for college later. Although in both cases you are setting aside income for payment increments, savings earn interest, while loans require you to pay interest, the Web site states.

Michael added that overall it’s best to consult with a financial professional who can assess where your child is at, what your goals are, and what your ability is to be able to put money away for their future. “A planner with the expertise to look at the big picture may surprise you with different suggestions you may not have considered,” he added.

TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE ... USE IT! For new parents, time is one of their most valuable assets when it comes to financially preparing for their child’s future. For a student planning to enter college in two years time, for example, a safe place to be putting aside money may be in a simple savings account. For newborns who have a little more than a decade and a half before entering college, a plan that offers higher returns and more risk is recommended.

Parents will have time on their side to ride out risks, as well as take advantage of returns.

“The sooner a parent invests in their child’s education, the more that child WILL HAVe when the time comes ... ” - Michael San Nicolas To understand risk and return, Michael likens the two to dance partners – the more risk moves, the more returns move. Likewise, the less risk moves, the less return moves.

“Do you want a dance partner who moves a lot and can sweep you off your feet or do you want one that just stands around?” he asked. “At the same time do you want one that may trip you up or do you want one that will be there when the music stops? Ideally, we want a little of both … There are great investment vehicles out there that dance away in the beginning and slow down in the end.”

“The type of dance (investment) that is best for your child is that which is most suited to where the music (time) is in their life. A planner like me is great at reading the music (though I’m a lousy dancer in real life!).”

Incidentally, Michael wrote

a book, A Father’s Hand: Lessons for Life from Father to Son, which was published last year. He shared an excerpt in which he upholds the value of education. “As you learn new things think about how you can apply them to that which you have already learned.

Many great opportunities lie in applying new ways to old assumptions. A powerful mind is one that can take new information and make it work in a variety of circumstances. Your education will bring you new information and it is up to you to put that information to creative use.”

Audrey now sets aside some money in a savings account.

When she gains greater financial stability and can put away more, she may opt to pursue other types of investment vehicles. “I just want to be able to provide my kids what I didn’t have growing up. I want to give them the life I didn’t have.” ■

bright ideas 9.10

Understanding auditory processing disorders

Frank is a good kid.

He wants to please his parents and succeed in school. But he finds the 5th grade challenging. He listens, but just can’t keep up. His teacher is growing tired of his persistent asking of “what?” and needing instructions repeated. She thinks he is just not paying attention. He can read almost at grade level, but he can’t understand or remember what he reads. His spelling is dismal.

Even if he can spell the words at home, by the time he gets to the test he can’t remember them. He is bothered by the air-conditioner noise in the cafeteria and complains of ringing in his ears after lunch. He prefers quiet situations and gets overwhelmed on the basketball court by the noise during the games. His parents have had his ears checked, and they seem fine. Everyone is getting frustrated with Frank and now he often says he is, “stupid,” and that he “hates school.”

Frank has some classic signs of kids with Auditory Processing Disorders. This is a very common problem in our community.

About one in five students, suffer from Auditory Processing Disorders at some level. Our world is a visual one. But in the classroom in order to succeed, sound must come into play. Some students have a difficult time distinguishing subtle differences in sounds and may actually hear something that is different from what is said. This makes it challenging for them to follow directions, especially if several directions are given at one time. They may have difficulty blocking out background noises and confuse sound from several 30 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

sources. This makes them appear as if they are not paying attention.

They may take longer to process the meaning of words and get lost in conversation or text. When they are called on in class or at home they often appear “lost,” because they have not been able to keep up with what was said.

Reading becomes a challenge as well. There are 43 distinct units

about four years when this issue is addressed. At home you can do things like make sure the child is looking at you when you speak to them. Have them repeat back what you said, so that you are sure they heard you correctly. Limit the number of oral instructions to two or three things at a time, so it is easier for the child to process.

In the classroom, make sure the

It’s not as simple as saying, “Pay Attention.” of sound in the English language called phonemes. But if the child is unable to distinguish between them, he or she might confuse sounds that are alike.

For instance you might ask, “How are you?” and the child answers, “I’m nine.”

The child might have thought you said how old instead of how are you.

If you think your child may be having a problem with Auditory Processing, you should speak to your school, a psychologist, or an educational specialist and have him or her tested. If your child does have this difficulty, working with a teacher or therapist can remedy it. In my own practice, I have seen an average gain of

child is seated in the corner away from noise, but close enough to see and hear the teacher. These children tend to be the ones that look every time the classroom door is opened, so seat them where they won’t be distracted by these interruptions, as much as possible. In order to build these skills, your child needs to drill on sounds. Games that build

Signs or risk factors that your child may have this disorder: • Difficulty hearing in the presence of background noise • Asking to have things repeated • A tendency to say “what” or “huh” • Sensitivity to sounds that don’t bother others • Trouble reading or spelling • Difficulty following oral instructions • Long delays before responding to questions • Difficulty organizing behaviors • Difficulty taking notes • Worsening performance as grade level gets higher, due to more lecture • Head trauma • History of ear infections

this are: Bop it, Mad Gad, Brain Age, and What’s Gnu. You can also create your own game using Scrabble tiles and have the child practice the sounds for each letter and then blend them together working with both nonsense and real words. In addition, working with a speech therapist will help some students with this issue.

The good news is this is a problem that with some patience and perseverance can be overcome, which means kids like Frank can learn to like school and realize how bright they really are. ■ Deane Jessee-Jones lives with her husband, Jay and three children: Jake, Jenna, and Jeremy in Mangilao.

She works as an Educational Therapist and Consultant for Brain Builders Guam and Saipan. Send questions or comments to: brainbuilding@gmail. com. For more information on training programs available in Guam and Saipan go to: http://guam.processingskills.com.

Vision care starts early Understanding and protecting your children’s eyesight

Vision problems can begin at an early age; therefore it is important that children receive proper eye care and screening.

eye); ptosis (drooping of upper eyelid); color deficiency (color blindness); and refractive errors (nearsightedness, farsightedness and astigmatism). Other things parents can look for include a persistent head turn, a “jiggle” in one or both eyes, squinting, tearing, or unusual light sensitivity.

them to learn to read.

If there is a family history of vision problems or if your child appears to have any of the above conditions, speak to your eye doctor promptly about when and how often your child’s eyes should be examined. Vision problems in children can be se-

All chemicals and sprays must be kept out of reach of small children. Parents and others who provide care and supervision for children need to practice safe use of common items that can cause serious eye injury: paper clips, pencils, scissors, bungee cords, wire coat hangers, and rubber bands.

Help to ensure that your child’s eyes remain healthy and injuryfree.

Pediatric Eye Health Did you know vision problems affect one in 20 preschoolers and one in four school-aged children? The severity of these problems may vary, but if untreated these problems can worsen and lead to permanent vision loss and even delayed development.

It is possible for your child to have a serious vision problem without being aware of it. Newborn infants typically have their eyes examined while still in the hospital nursery. This examination can help detect several congenital eye problems, some of which can be very serious and permanently threaten vision.

From birth to age two, children should be screened for common eye problems during their regular pediatric appointments. In this age group, it is vital to let your doctor know if your child appears to see poorly, if they favor one eye over the other, if their eyes appear misaligned, if the size of their pupils appears different, or if the color of either pupil appears white. The pupil, located in the center of the eye and encircled by the iris, should be dark. Sometimes this is more noticeable in photos of your child.

Vision testing should be conducted for all children starting at age three for: strabismus (crossed eyes); amblyopia (lazy

By Peter Lombard, M.D.

From birth to age two, children should be screened for common eye problems during their regular pediatric appointments.

DYSLEXIA One of the most common learning disabilities is dyslexia. It is often misconstrued in the public to mean “backwards” reading and writing, but this is not the case. In fact, it is common for many children learning to read and write to write letters and words in the wrong direction.

Dyslexia is defined as an unexpected difficulty learning to read despite adequate intelligence, motivation and education. Dyslexic children can copy letters, but have a harder time learning to name them. It is important to realize that dyslexia is in no way related to intelligence.

While dyslexics eventually learn to read accurately, if the condition persists to adulthood - they may always read slowly and with effort. If your child has dyslexia, you should be aware of the extra effort that will be required to help

rious, but if caught in time and treated early, your child’s good vision can be protected.

Set a good example by always wearing protective eyewear when playing sports, working in the yard, using harsh chemicals or working on the car.

Eye First Aid Avoid rubbing or applying pressure to the eye. Do not try to remove any object stuck in the eye. Small debris may wash out with blinking and tearing. In the event of a chemical exposure, flush the eye with copious water, but in all cases, seek medical help! Even seemingly minor injuries can lead to vision loss. ■

Eye Safety Eye injuries continue to threaten your child’s sight as he or she ages. Sports are the leading cause of eye injuries in children.

There are an estimated 42,000 sports-related eye injuries each year and the majority of them happen to children.

To protect your child, make sure he or she wears appropriate protective eyewear with polycarbonate lenses or shields when playing on the field, in the yard or on the court. Many toys present a hidden danger to your child’s eyes. Avoid toys with sharp, protruding parts like paint or pellet guns, or rifles and darts.

Make sure toys and gifts are appropriate for your child’s age and maturity level.

Peter Lombard, M.D. comes from a family with strong medical ties to Guam. He is a Lieutenant Commander in the US Navy and was recently assigned to Naval Hospital Guam as the only military ophthalmologist on the island. He attended the US Naval Academy for undergraduate training, and completed medical school at Johns Hopkins University. The statements expressed here are his own and do not necessarily represent the views of the US Navy or US Government.

photography 9.10

Photograph your baby like a pro Expert advice for the camera-toting parent By Jill Espiritu PRO TIPS ABOUT THE ANGLES When taking pictures of babies lying on their backs, stand directly over them and shoot straight down. This technique will allow you to center the camera properly and you’ll get some great close-up shots.

TOO CUTE? NO SUCH THING! Photographing your

TIP: Capture a range of emotions.

Sure, when babies smile, they’re cute.

But, so are crying, pouting, sleeping and messy babies!

child in interesting situations can make for precious memories when they grow up. Child: Pedro Sgro Photo by Robert Tenorio

a living. I’d be out most of the day taking photographs of other people and when I got home, all I wanted to do was just spend time with my son” he said.

Robert has been a professional photographer for 20 years. He suggests that parents take photos of their children every chance because they will never look the same in their photos as the years go by. “This generation has no excuse,” Robert added. “With the availability and affordability of digital cameras, taking personal photos doesn’t have to be expensive. Owning a camera may have been rare a generation or two ago, but in this day and age, they’re widely available.”

BATHS BRING BUBBLY BABIES Bath time can be a great opportunity for pictures. Many babies love being in the water and become very expressive in the bath tub. They’re likely to be cooing, laughing, or splashing.

THEY’ll THANK YOU LATER Robert offers this last suggestion for parents, don’t forget to take cutesy pictures of your newborn baby. “You see them all the time, like in wedding reception slide shows,” he joked. “When your child becomes an adult, they might be embarrassed by the photo at first, but it’s always a cute, must-have photo for most parents!”

Evan S. Diras and his wife went camera-happy with their first child – taking over 200 photos in just the first year.

Every now and then, the couple will view the photos and reminisce. Like a lot of dads, he wanted to capture his child’s every waking and sleeping moment.

“Your photos tell the story of your child,” he said. “It portrays the laughter, the surprises, the smiles and the changes. And as they grow, you can tell them the story about those special pictures. It’s always a shock for them to look at their baby pictures and see how they’ve changed... the pictures can bring you closer to your child when you share those

THe right pose Isaac Luis Perez, 5 months old in the picture. Photo by Alan Perez, father 32 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

CONSIDER BABY’s PERSONALITY

GET STUDIO PHOTOS Make sure your photo history includes professional photos, too Child: Kini Mikaela Arroyo Photo by Evan Diras

special moments with them.”

Evan is the owner of D’s Agana Photo Center and has been a professional photographer for a decade.

Robert Tenorio, owner of Expressions Studio in Tamuning, meanwhile, wished he had taken more photos of his son Kyle, who now is 18 years old.

“I think of it like being a mechanic driving a broken car,” he said. “I took photographs to make

If you want your pictures to go from good to great, Robert believes it’s important to schedule a photo shoot based on your child’s biological clock. If you want an angelic photo of your child sleeping, set up the shoot based on his or her sleeping time. On the other hand, if you want your child upbeat and laughing, schedule the shoot when they’re likely to be the most playful. Otherwise they may be cranky when it’s time to take the picture. Just like any model, your child has to feel comfortable.

Both Evan and Robert agree that adding professional photos to the collection is a must.

Through lighting and other special techniques, talented professional photographers are able to enhance the photogenic profile of children and can provide highquality prints and products that will capture the special moment for many years. ■

baby tips 9.10

Getting your baby to sleep so you can, too!

By Maresa Aguon

Whether your child is newborn or entering school, sleep problems can create stress in the life of a parent.

Ideally, parents strive to instill good sleep habits in their children from a young age, but sometimes even the best of intentions do not yield the desired results.

Rhonda C. Rekdahl is a Parent Mentor at the Guam Parent Information Resource Center (PIRC) and has participated in trainings such as “All Learning Opportunities Nurture Growth” (ALONG) and “Guam Early Learning Guidelines” (GELG). In addition she is a Parent Trainer, Baby Basics facilitator, Certified Lactation Counselor (breastfeeding support) and an Apprentice Doula (professional support for women and families during pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum recovery) for five families.

Rhonda is a mother of three.

Her eldest child is 10-years old and her youngest is 18-months old. She has had different experiences with each of her children and their sleep patterns.

Her first child was a self-soother and slept through the night from an early age. Rhonda’s second child woke up at least once a night for the first three years of life. Her third kid is a combination; generally sleeping through the night but waking up once in a while.

“It is important to understand that all babies are different and their sleep patterns are based on personality and can differ from one child to the next even within the same family. Patience is key,” she explained.

To get babies to sleep longer and learn to be self soothers, Rhonda suggests imitating the conditions of the womb that babies enjoyed, usually, for 9 months straight. That includes swaddling, white noise (or a recording of your heart beat), and rocking. She recommends Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The Happiest Baby on the Block” or the website www.happiestbaby.com as useful resources. In his book and parent-friendly DVD, Dr. Karp describes the first three

34 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

help babies learn the difference between night and day. months of a baby’s life as the “Fourth Trimester” and says imitating the conditions of the womb helps to trigger a baby’s “calming reflex,” to allow them to eventually sooth themselves and help them sleep longer.

With practice and patience any parent can turn on their baby’s calming reflex.

You can also help babies learn the difference between night and day. If your baby falls asleep during the day, just go about your cleaning, or working, or moving around as if he or she were not sleeping. They will eventually learn that day is louder and brighter than night and eventually sleep longer during the evening and be awake in the daytime. When you allow babies to sleep in a dark and quiet room during the day, they may get confused and be awake at night if they had slept in a dark

environment during the day.

Mona Cruz, a Substance Abuse Prevention Specialist for Sanctuary, Incorporated and facilitator of Parenting Skills classes agrees that patience is important, and so is consistency. Mona has taken part in many trainings, most recently “Positive Solutions for Families” sponsored by the Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities Education, Research & Service (CEDDARS) at the University of Guam. She recognizes that sometimes older children, like school-age kids still have problems sleeping. “Let them know what is expected of them.

Set a schedule and keep them involved,” she explained. For her 8-year-old daughter, Mona limits distractions and sticks to a good routine. She encourages her daughter to read to her as part of their bedtime ritual.

Parents are never alone in their challenges. Rhonda recommends that you seek help especially if you get overwhelmed. “When our babies are little there’s always someone who is willing to hold your baby while you take time for yourself, take advantage of them!” she added. ■

SOCIAL STUDIES: PARENTHOOD EDITION A

B

C

EVERY MONTH, we invite everyday islanders to have an unfiltered conversation about the topic of the day.

Here’s what they said.

D

A. Jean Marie Diras-Arroyo

E

Medical Claims Auditor, Doctor of Medicine, Iloilo Doctors College of Medicine, two children.

B. Grace X. Fornier-Magno

Q: How can you teach a child to

effectively handle conflicts with others?

Fornier-Magno: We should teach them empathy which is a learned skill. Empathy is identifying or experiencing the feelings, thoughts and attitudes of the other - the one you are in conflict with. One does not have to agree with the other, but if one tries to understand why he or she is acting that way, or why the other person is hurt or angry — then one can respond in a positive manner rather than in an equally combative way. If one understands that conflict often begins with fear on the part of the combative person such as fear of losing security, safety, love, etc. then one will try to assuage that fear and soothe the hurt.

Diras-Arroyo: I’ve learned a long time ago, that a child’s learning begins at home. We parents and older family members influence the way children behave socially through our interactions with others in the home and outside. If parents do not behave appropriately when handling conflicts with others, their children will think it is ac-

36 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

ceptable to behave in the same way when encountering their own conflicts. Children should be made to realize that conflict can be avoided or handled in a non-hostile manner by learning to be polite and having respect for others. My husband and I try to emphasize to our daughter to try to compromise, and if that’s not possible, to walk away from such situations. Then, we encourage her to talk to us about it, and we either commend her for doing the right thing or suggest she handle it in another way if it happens again. This usually helps her to vent and control her anger or disappointment. We always remind her that it’s very bad to hit, tease, or call someone a bad name.

stand each other while playing.

Enforcing these rules will control the play time and encourage children to resolve their situation themselves in order to play longer.

Verango: Some examples of usual conflicts children experience are jealousy, sharing, being impatient towards each other.

These conflicts can be reduced by proper guidance. Mostly these situations happen during play time with friends. Setting rules and examples will allow children to work to together and under-

Sablan: My husband and I try to model healthy conflict resolution in order to teach it. I allow my kids to see the thought process that occurs by talking my way through problems. I also like to reflect on how they handled a sticky situation and we talk about whether or not there was a better way to handle it.

Zamora: From my experience, children need to be given attention and shown love and support. This will drive them to become very respectful towards others. For example, when I talk to someone being naughty, I tell them I want you to be good and you will be rewarded. Someday you will make it to the top and become a great dancer and instructor. Then, I’ll notice a difference in their attitude.

Marketing Director, iConnect, Masters in Theology, Major in Pastoral Ministry and Family Counseling, Loyola School of Theology, Ateneo de Manila University, three children.

C. Janiece A. Sablan

Music Program Director-American Music, PresidentU’ZEUM Children’s Discovery Museum of Guam, Bachelors Degree in English & Secondary Education, pursuing a Master’s Degree in Secondary Education, five children.

D. Mency Verango Co- Director for a model learning center, Child: one child.

E. Bobby Zamora Sales Associate, Triple J Auto Group, President of the Pilipino Amateur Basketball League (PABL), Step-Up Dance Company, General Manager, nine children.

Q: How would you address the situation if your child has

a close friend who has proven to be a negative influence?

Diras-Arroyo: Based on my daughter’s age now, I would start out by telling her that it’s great she has friends. I would ask her how she feels about this certain friend, and what she thinks of the negative influences her friend has shown. Would she know why her friend is like that? I would try to explain to my child that there might be a reason for her friend’s behavior. I would tell her that we do not like such behavior and we also do not want her behaving that way. I would encourage my daughter to try and help her friend. However, if this negative influence gets out of hand, then I would have to tell my child not to stay too close to this friend.

Fornier-Magno: We’d discuss the situation thoroughly, and go through a list of the pros and cons of being and not being with this friend. If your child can see that the negatives outweigh the positives of a relationship with

someone, then it becomes his or her decision to avoid this person.

Then, we leave the list for a few days after identifying the bullet points. Usually, your child will come back to you with his or her own decision based on what he or she knows is good for her/him.

Zamora: If my children have close friends that can be negative influences, I always welcome them to my home, offer them to eat with my family, and to join in our family activities like watching movies, going bowling, or shopping. We try to show them an example of how the members of a good family interact with each other. I believe that if you expose them to this type of atmosphere they will learn to adopt respectful ways and to become a good person.

Sablan: Fortunately, I have not had to deal with friends who are negative influences on

my children yet. I do, however, keep pretty close tabs on who their friends are and what kinds of things they talk about. This includes text messages and social media. Yes, I’m a pretty nosey parent. To be proactive, I discuss with them the importance of choosing friends who are kindhearted and who make them want to be better people.

Eventually children will choose their friends, and that may become beyond our control. If we set good examples, morals and values for them to follow, it will help them make good choices in life. Have discussions with your child and let them know what the consequences are of hanging out with the “bad crowd.”

Verango: Parents for both children will need to converse with one another to get a clearer understanding of their children’s likes, dislikes, and mannerisms. Both sets of parents would need to discuss this with their child to explain appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Constant monitoring and nurturing can turn a child who has been a negative influence into becoming a positive influence. Some children may even develop relationships that bloom into becoming “Best Friends Forever” or BFFs!

Sablan: Two of my daughters are in their tweens, so I am faced with a relatively new concern, the concept of popularity. Children who are not necessarily even friends with your kids can have a big impact on them.

They may want to be a part of the, “in crowd.” I believe it is extremely important for kids to feel unconditional love at home in order to minimize the need to fit in with the crowd. I tell my own daughters to be true to themselves because they’re pretty cool kids exactly the way they are. ■

digital human 9.10

Picture the possibilities Make the most of your digital photos By Carlo Cariño You bought the digital camera. You took the pictures of your family. You’ve organized them on your computer.

Back in the days of film, having your photos developed and printed was a given. After all, you shot the roll, what else were you supposed to do with them? Then your pictures mostly went to two places — the family album or the shoebox in your closet.

Today, with the ability to shoot thousands of pictures at a time without any associated developing costs, many of us have let our precious memories languish on computer hard drives. After all, you already e-mailed your God son’s picture to your cousin — what else is there? Well, if you’re ready to get creative, possibilities abound on the Web.

Photo Books Did you take a lot of pictures on your last vacation? Why not turn them into a customized and professionally-bound book? This is one of the most popular services offered online. You can have them done on many different websites, such as Shutterfly.com,

Organized and filed With so many people taking so many digital photos every day, organization and storage in programs such as iPhoto or Picasa is a common last stop for most pictures.

Picaboo.com, Snapfish.com, Kodakgallery.com, or through programs on your computer like iPhoto or Picasa.

Easy as clicking No matter where you purchase them, creating and ordering your books is a simple process.

1. Upload the photos you want to include in the book.

2. Use the tools provided to select a theme and arrange your photos.

3. Select what kind of book you want — size, hard or softcover, and binding.

4. Place your order and wait about a week to get your new book in the mail.

Prices vary, but $25 printing and shipping is usually a good price for a mediumsized custom book.

They make for outstanding sentimental gifts or just use them to revive the family album tradition.

out of the computer and into the real world Your photos can easily be turned into a variety of different items. Cards, calendars, books, and mugs are only the beginning.

38 the high road AUGUST 2010

Posters, Cards, Calendars, Mugs and more Many of these same sites offer other opportunities to turn your pictures into everyday items or gifts. Inject a little personality into your morning coffee with custom photo coasters. Or make a giant, wall-sized print of your favorite baby photo. If you’re willing to explore what sites like Shutterfly have to offer, you’ll be rewarded with plenty of unique ideas of how to use your most-loved pics.

Local options If you don’t want to wait

for things in your mail, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what you can have done locally. Load up a flash drive with pictures and head to a copy store or photo processing shop. Ask an attendant what kind of services they provide for your digital photos and you’ll learn that they offer much more than the standard 3”x 5” prints of yesteryear. ■

Carlo Cariño is a writer, artist, and graphic designer. He lives in Yigo with his wife, Juvy. He still needs to sort his iPhoto library. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter. com/itsjustcarlo or view his less-focused blog at www.itsjustcarlo.com.

doctor, doctor 9.10

HEALTHY MOMS = HEALTHY BABIES What eating for two really means — and more.

By Marylou Dulay, MD

Staying healthy: Advice for dads getting older

by Marylou Dulay M.D.

Caring for your unborn child begins with caring for yourself.

Here’s a primer on some things you should watch out for.

Mercury Among the more controversial topics in recent years is that surrounding fish consumption among pregnant women.

Fish and shellfish provide important nutrients, protein, and omega-3 fatty acids, all of which are important for growth and development in pregnant women and babies. However, they also contain variable amounts of mercury. In larger amounts, mercury can be harmful to an unborn baby’s or young child’s developing nervous system.

In a study published by the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences in 2005, higher fish consumption by pregnant

women was associated with infants with better cognition. However, higher levels of mercury were associated with lower cognition. In their latest advisory, the FDA and EPA recommend that pregnant women consume two servings of low mercury fish or seafood each week, and avoid those with high levels of mercury.

Of note, pregnant women should avoid raw or undercooked seafood altogether due to the increased risk of various bacterial (Salmonella), viral (hepatitis A), and parasitic infections.

Prenatal vitamins are not all created equal.

They come in many different brand names, and can be purchased over-the-counter or by prescription. There are specially formulated multivitamins, which contain folic acid, iron, and calcium among other vitamins and minerals.

Folic acid can reduce your risk of having a baby with a neural tube defect (serious birth defect of the brain and spine). It is

40 the high road SEPTEMBER 2010

recommended that women take 400mcg of folic acid daily while they are trying to conceive and for the first few months of pregnancy.

Dietary sources of folate include citrus fruits, green leafy vegetables, nuts, beans, broccoli, and asparagus, and in various fortified foods / enriched grain products like cereals and breads.

Can Your Baby Be Too Sweet?

Approximately five percent of all pregnant women in the United States will develop gestational diabetes (a type of diabetes that first presents during pregnancy).

The exact cause of gestational diabetes is unknown, but it occurs when your body is not able to make and use all the insulin required for pregnancy.

A test for gestational diabetes is usually done between 24 and 28 weeks of pregnancy.

Gestational diabetes can often be managed with a healthy diet and exercise, but sometimes requires insulin. If uncontrolled, it can lead to macrosomia, or a large baby, which in turn can lead to complications during delivery,

including shoulder problems for your baby or the need for a cesarean section. In addition, it may result in your baby having very low blood sugars or breathing problems at birth. Years later, it also increases your child’s risk for obesity and for developing diabetes as an adult.

Prenatal care is essential to a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Every pregnancy is different; make sure to see your doctor regularly and consult your doctor on all issues regarding your pregnancy. ■

Dr. Marylou Dulay is an Internal Medicine physician.

She received her medical degree from the University of Colorado School of Medicine. She completed her residency training and Kennamer fellowship at the University of California, Los Angeles - Olive View. She is a diplomate of the American Board of Internal Medicine.