The Hilarian – Edition 3, 2015 Published September 2015 Hilarian Team James D’Alessandro Patrick Edwards Alison Jones Lucy Roberts Contributors: Katie Warner, Georgina Watson, Edwina Lane, Zara Smith (Cover) Thank you to our sponsor Lipman Karas. Disclaimer: This publication does not represent the views of the Adelaide University Law School. The University of Adelaide and The Law School do not endorse this publication. This publication is solely produced by the Adelaide University Law Students’ Society (AULSS).
Contents A Letter from The Hilarian Nonnas and The Law F U Universe, Y U Do Dis? Friend or Pho Judicial Quips and Wits Law Lecturers on Snapchat New Semester Resolutions Ligfeed.adl.edu.au July is a Wednesday Clerkships at Lipman Karas Degree or No Degree One Month in the Top End Blanks Suck & Then You Blank One 9 Signs You’re an Adelaide Law Schooler A Message to Myself That Law Look
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A letter from... Patrick Edwards (Veteran) Oh…you’re still here? Seriously though, the winter is over! The birds are swaying and the trees are singing! Welcome back to the first edition of The Hilarian for semester 2! I must admit, as I’m writing this, its pouring with rain outside the dingy walls of Ligertwood. I’m anticipating mother nature will be a bit more pleasant at release, but I’m sure as you read this there’s monsoon weather outside. For months, every time I take that morning Snapchat and slide through the filters to see what the weathers like, its never been more than one significant figure. Even through I did Maths Apps at school, I know that that’s not very warm. Wtf is wrong with this sunburnt country of ours? Misleading and deceptive conduct if you ask me, warm up or gtfo. Semester 1 exams are well behind us, thank the gods above. They’re like a huge night out with a 3-week hangover. Swotvac and wayville are adrenaline and Redbull fuelled (minus the Jägër), sleepless, but if you’re lucky, you get a take-home (a night in with a glass of red talking to your dogs like they’re human.) The mid-year break is the hangover, facing the elements seems like too much, so you end up staying inside watching Gilmore Girls and wishing someone would deliver you food. Semester 2 however, is a sunny Sunday arvo with a cool breeze. You’ve had a Berocca, a Powerade, a Panadol, a pizza and a nap. You emerge to the outdoors and you realise you’d forgotten what sobriety feels like, THIS IS REAL LIFE. You dust yourself off and say yourself “I feel 4
James D’Alessandro (Veteran) alright; I could do that again! I don’t deserve to feel this good but I do, go me!” An incredibly positive outlook right? I know but c’mon people Adelaide is thawing and we’re consistently listed as one of the most livable cities in the world, we gotta make the most before we get trendy and the throbbing masses ruin our fair state in that fear inducing ‘Mad March.’ This Hilarian is set to be a real Adam Goodes (Yes I went there); honest, public and uncomfortable for middle-class white people. Our team has changed up a bit with the arrival of two new co-editors Lucy and Alison. We’d like to thank both Emily and Elly for the work they did on the first two issues, and can’t wait to hear what Elly has to contribute from her distant exchange! Lucy and Alison are more than up to the task, but we’ll let their work speak for itself and welcome them, for now, with open arms. I’d like to take this moment to highlight the Hilarian’s commitment to gender equality. Not only do we stick to the 2 guys 2 gals model, one of the founding philosophies of the Hilarian is that all of our coeditors should receive equal pay. To ensure that this standard is maintained, each of the editors receives the tidy sum of $0 for services rendered. How’s that for affirmative action right? Hey now, I’m not complaining, a jobs a job in this economy, amiright economics doubles!? Speaking of affirmative action, I would also like to thank the Social Justice team for all the hard work
The Hilarian !!1! Allison Jones (N00b aka. newcomer)
Lucy Roberts (N00b aka. newcomer)
that they have doing so far this year. The most recent Social Justice Breakfast was both delicious and informative. Their most recent event (LGBTIQ (et al.) in the law) was so gay (in the sense that it heavily focused on LGBTIQ issues in the law, not because it was bad. (That was a joke, get over yourself if you take offense to that. It was satirical commentary on how were reclaiming the word, and lucky for me we don’t have a ‘Letters to the Editors’ section, so all your complaints will go unheard mwahaha). As well as being enlightened about issues in out hopefully future workforce (at least it will be for the top 1% of the graduates), there was bulk food, those chicken meatballs were sublime. Make sure you keep your eye out for their other events because they’re sure to be the best thing to happen this year (besides Kanye announcing his 2020 presidential campaign).
need to get out of your way on the stairs, or vacate a project room in the hub for you. I’ve even heard stories about people walking the streets of Adelaide in their jumpers and being offered scholarships to Harvard or even jobs at Pearson Specter. (I know that Pearson Specter is fictional okay? but so are job offers).
Speaking of which, everyone has been very quick to bag yeezy on this one. We haven’t even heard his policies yet? To quote Kanye:
“But this pimp is, at the top of Mount Olympus Ready for the World’s game, this is my Olympics We make em say ho’ cos this game is so Pimpish” You gotta face it, the presidential election is rather pimpish and Kanye is at the top of Mount Olympus (apparently). I think he could be onto something. I wonder what he could do if we let him into his zone. Another great addition to Ligertwood since our last issue is the distribution of law school branded jumpers! This way, the arts students will know they
Writing the ‘Letter from the Editors’ part of the magazine is hard, cause there’s only so much to talk about. You think you’ve done a good job and then bam the person designing the pages frantically messages you saying words to this effect: “Heyy, there’s a huge gap at the bottom of the page because you haven’t written enough, I’ve tried altering the designs but I can make it work, you need to add a few more lines.” Then you’re left sitting at your computer thinking ‘well crap what the hell do I write about now?” This paragraph you’re reading now is the filler arc of the anime show you’re currently watching on Netflix. A bit of editorialception going on write here (get it instead of right cause I’m writing something). HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH— (I wonder how many lines I can fill with hahas)— HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I hope the designer is sitting at their desk as they add this paragraph feeling the shade that I’m sending their way. I hope that you enjoy this issue, it truly is a pleasure to be involved in this project. Remember its just for laughs. Cheers, xoxo Rico.
Spot all 3 Minions in this edition (not counting this guy). Theres no prize for doing it, its just for your own entertainment and to fill this space here. (Hope this annoys you).
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Nonnas and the Law A non-comprehensive legal analysis of the matriarchal powerhouse of every Italian family; the nonna and how she fits into the Australian legal system and High Court jurisprudence.
You’re either screwing them over (see. Commercial Bank of Australia Ltd v Amadio (1983) 151 CLR 447), or they’re screwing you over (see. Giumelli v Giumelli (1999) 196 CLR 101), our erudite and well cultured High Court has made it clear that nonnas and the law simply are not compatible. Whether it be abusing their lack of English-speaking skills to secure a loan, or the fact that you want to marry a non-Italian (unforgivable), it is clear, when a nonna is involved, a seminal High Court decision will closely ensue. Being of Mediterranean descent (not dissent), I have scholarly knowledge of the way a nonna’s mind works. It is an intricate web of blind affection layered upon unwavering family-centricity and traditionalism; kind of like the layers of an onion, but more like the layers of a lasagne. The nature of a nonna leaves them vulnerable to attack, but also capable of being an attacker, both predator and prey. Let’s take a look at the major case first involving an aggressive nonna: Giumelli. Firstly, let me tell you that Robert Giumelli isn’t the only son whose mother (essentially a nonna) caused trouble when the notion that an English girl could marry into the family became a very real possibility. Legend has it my dad was written out of my nonna’s last will and testament when he started dating my mum, who as you all can guess does not contain a drop of Mediterranean blood in her. When the purity of the bloodline is threatened, the claws come out. They may look frail and brittle, but don’t let that fool you, they’ll pull out the rolling pin if it will help stop having mud-blood grand-children (like me). (See image right: A wooden rolling pin, a typical weapon used by nonnas in family disputes). On the other hand, you have the nonna that gets screwed over, rather than doing the screwing over. There is no in-between; it’s black and white. Amadio is a perfect example of this, where the vulnerability shows. That poor innocent nonna, signing those legal documents with her limited English, as evidenced by an inherent necessity to add an ‘a’ to the end-a of-a everything-a she-a says-a. A nonna’s blind trust in their family is the one and only weak-spot they have. I don’t know what your weakness is, but theres no doubt that the law takes special interest in ensuring that all weaknesses of the nonna are legally protected, so that they can remain the apex-predator in the family food chain. The only thing that would make these cases any more Italian would be if Justice Bongiorno was presiding (and yes that’s are a real person, look them up: Bernard Bongiorno). I’m kind of angry at the universe that he wasn’t somehow involved in the cases, it’s such a perfect match, surely it could have done something? P.S. I’m allowed to make jokes about old Italian ladies, because I am Italian… right? But in all seriousness, this should not be taken to be offensive, I find it hilarious how so much precedent has developed around old-frail Italian ladies, who make a mean pasta sauce, and thought that an article ought to be written about it. 6
F U Universe, y u do dis? Murphy’s Law of ‘whatever can go wrong, will go wrong’ is just the tip of the iceberg. I have challenged the universe the past few months and made a list of all of the things it does to make sure your life is as annoying and inconvenient as possible (note: this list is not made by me, they are legitimate pre-established rules and laws that people have made, that I am certain they are just as real as the atoms that make up our bodies. Please take the time to make yourself aware of the multitude of things Madam Universe will do, and prepare reasonable emergency counter procedures. The Fifth Law of Kitchen Confusion You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare (e.g. if you make a ‘duck a l’orange,’ you will be complimented on the baked potato. Hyman’s Highway Hypothesis The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction. Basic Baggage Law Whatever carousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one. The Reja-Jansen Law of Curtains On the first pull of the cord, the drapes will move the wrong way. Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated in grease, your nose will begin to itch. Rennie’s Law of Public Transport If you start walking, the bus will come when you are precisely halfway between stops. First Law of Traffic The slow lane you were stuck in will immediately start moving as soon as you leave it. The Pineapple Principle The best parts of anything are always impossible to separate from the worst parts. Marquette’s Third Law of Home Repair A lost tool will always be found immediately upon purchasing a new one. Ken’s Law A flying particle will seek the nearest eye. Moser’s Law of Spectator Sports Exciting plays occur only while you are looking at your phone, or buying overpriced food. The Law of Talent Shows The best performer in your category will perform just before you do. Yellin’s Theatre Law The tallest person in the audience will sit down in front of you only after it is too late for you to find another seat. 7
Friend or Pho? Now I’m not going claim that I’ve got my finger on the pulse of the most groundbreaking trend to hit Adelaide since the Torrens System, but I will say I have noticed a recurring behavior: people mispronouncing the word Pho. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually have a problem with the mispronunciation of the word, what I do have a problem with however, is the cycle of bullshit that has to happen every time someone says the word “Pho”. I’m going to run you through the script of a common conversation, with the words written as pronounced (or as I hear them pronounced). After, I will repeat the same conversation with the words written as they were intended to be heard by both parties. To set the scene lets just say Archibald and Leopold are two law chums, who have crossed paths in the Ligertwood courtyard. To keep it realistic they are both wearing tan chinos, brown RM’s and a button down shirt (Tommy Hilfiger or Polo) with a sweater. Here’s how it plays out:
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Archibald: Leopold: Archibald: Leopold: Archibald: Leopold:
Maaate! Hows it going? Whatcha been up to? Maaate! Its going well thanks! Just grabbed some lunch. Oh sounds great, what did you get? Just some Foe. Some what?…oh some Fuh? Yeah…some Fuh.
Now…at this point our boy Leo is thinking “F*** you Archie, you didn’t have to be such a snob, now I feel like a dumbass” because Archie just corrected him on something that is so common in Adelaide it must be obvious to everyone, especially those to whom Vietnamese is not the native tongue, that Beef Noodle Soup is called Fuh, not Foe. I think its safe to assume that none of us actually know how its pronounced, but clearly a whole bunch of us think we do. Now lets look at that same conversation with the words that Archie and Leo are actually trying to convey:
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Archibald: Leopold: Archibald: Leopold: Archibald: Leopold:
Maaate! Hows it going? Whatcha been up to? Maaate! Its going well thanks! Just grabbed some lunch. Oh sounds great, what did you get? Just some Foe. Some what?…oh some Pho? Yeah…some Pho.
Seeing as Archibald doesn’t actually know how to pronounce Pho, he’s being a douche by correcting Leopold. Now here’s my main point: just don’t correct people: If you correct someone they might agree with you but in their head they are thinking “well it’s definitely not that because I asked at the restaurant and it was that”. If you correct your friend, you are deliberately creating a situation where the other person will feel dumb, even if they are of equal conviction of knowing the correct pronunciation. Also, avoid making Pho Puns, because Pho Puns are a Faux Pas. Saying things like “How Pho Away is the restaurant?” or “Pho-get about it”, if we assume your pronunciation is wrong, which it is, the first one sounds dumb and the second one is plain derogatory. Even if you ARE right, your friends probably aren’t and therefore don’t get your pun. It’s just not worth the risk. If you’re still not sure, just do what I do when I look at the menu and decide I want Pho, panic and order a Banh Mi instead (it’s pronounced “Barn Me”... probably...). 8
Judical quips and wits Occasionally the most learned of them all, our judiciary, include snippets of sarcastic cynicism in their judgments. It seems that having a distinguished career in the law is sure-fire way to develop your sense of humour. During my time at law school, I have muffled numerous chuckles in the dungeons of the law library at the simply hilarianous comments I’ve stumbled across. Despite the joy it has provided for me, judicial wit has been criticised as undermining the core judicial value of impartiality. I say, poo-poo to the kill-joys and encourage celebration of the lively banter of the judiciary. Please find examples below: With admirable concision, Lord Atkin describes his reasons for dissent in Liversidge v Anderson [1942] AC 206:
“I know of only one authority which might justify the suggested method of construction: “‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.’ ‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’ ‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.’” (Through the Looking Glass, c vi) After all this long discussion the question is whether the words “If a man has” can mean “If a man thinks he has.” I am of opinion that they cannot, and that the case should be decided accordingly.”
You know you’ve been burnt when someone cites Alice in Wonderland to undermine you. #sorrymajority. Meagher JA and his idgaf attitude towards sport in Trevali Pty Ltd v Hadad (1989) Aust Torts Rep 80-286:
“Whilst all reasonable people know that any form of physical activity is both unpleasant and dangerous, and probably unhealthy as well; and whilst sport, which is communal physical activity, suffers the added feature of exposing its participants to the perils of tribal barbarism; nonetheless the law has never regarded the playing of sport as contrary to public policy or even unreasonable, and therefore the mere participation in sport cannot of itself constitute contributory negligence. …”
He would rather read tort than play sport. Amirite?
Sir-mix-a-lot Stephen J makes statutory interpretation cool in Western Australia v Commonwealth (1975) 134 CLR 201, 251 “To read words into any statute is a strong thing and, in the absence of clear necessity, a wrong thing …”
#gangsta #rapper #kanyewesteatyourheartout
This bitchy comment in Green v Green (1989) 17 NSWLR 343, 346:
“The deceased appears to have maintained simultaneous domestic establishments with all three women and their respective children. In terms of division of his time he appears to have given preference to Margaret Green, but it seems that he spent two nights a week, regularly, with the respondent and, at least according to her evidence, gave what she regarded as a plausible explanation of his absences. Presumably, over a number of years, he managed to achieve the same result with the other women. This is consistent with his apparent success as a used car salesman.”
REEEOWWWWW. Car salesman resentment level = high.
And on a final note, please enjoy the below extract of classic judicial banter in Joslyn v Berryman (2003) 214 CLR 552: HAYNE J: Perhaps “hammered” is the more modern expression, Mr Jackson, or “well and truly hammered”. MR JACKSON: I am indebted to your Honour. KIRBY J: I do not know any of these expressions. McHUGH J: No, no. Justice Hayne must live a very different life to the sort of life we lead. KIRBY J: I have never heard that word “hammered” before, never. Not before this very minute.
…Kirby J clearly never went to Law Ball.
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If you Had your Law Lecturers on Snapchat Let’s be real, if Snapchat were a subject we would all get guaranteed HDs, and honestly with the rate at which Snapchat is expanding it is only a matter of time before the app infiltrates our Universities too. Forget phasing out lectures, perhaps it’s time to phase out MyUni and stream lectures through a live Snapchat story instead? At least that way lecturers would know who actually watched the entire duration of their lecture and didn’t give up after the first few minutes (sorry Law_1503 I really did try…) Realistically speaking though if this were the case Snapchat could replace MyUni and Unified altogether and become the sole platform for students to communicate with their lecturers. Also, who wouldn’t want to complete their daily snap of the law school with a Ligertwood GeoFilter?! If we had our law lecturers on Snapchat it would probably be best to disable them from seeing our weekend Snapstories (yes that definitely includes the weekend of Law Ball) and instead send them Snapchats that reflect how committed and truly dedicated we all are to living and breathing the #LAWLYF.
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Why stop with Law Lecturers though? Why not see Snapchat infiltrate the courts of Australia too? What better way to get around some legal research than by watching a live Snapchat story of cases as they are heard! Just imagine having been able to listen to and see Justice Kirby (Official Snapchat username: THE_Justice_Kirby) deliver a classic dissenting judgement instead of having to read through all of those pages tirelessly? Maybe the High Court could even have their own permanent story in the Discover page so we could stay up to date with cases (and have a constant source of legal banter). The possibilities are endless, what a time to be alive! 11
New Semester Resolutions We’ve all felt that conviction at the start of a new semester. We return from holidays with the belief that somehow our personalities have had a complete makeover and we are now playing with the big kids. We believe that this semester our levels of organisation will be up there with that crazy friend we have who finishes assignments 3 weeks before everyone else begins and complains of being 1000 words over the word limit, while everyone else is complaining that they don’t know which question to choose. We believe that never again will we experience that waive of all-consuming, heart-stopping, legs-to-jelly, spend-all-day-in-denial-watching-youtube-videos panic that we feel when we realise that it is the week before the exam and we have not yet begun writing notes. However, as the weeks go by, our determination fades and we find ourselves making the same excuses we did last semester. So, to save you the hard work, the Hilarian has made you a model timetable for this semester (and the next). Feel free to tear out this page and stick it on your fridge. Happy procrastinating and enjoy the inevitable academic decline!
Week of:
Monday, 27 July 2015 (week 1)
At end of each week, spend one hour writing exam notes for work covered during week. Add to document each week, so that exam notes are done by swot vac and I can focus on doing past exams etc. Go to every lecture. Write notes throughout lecture in addition to PowerPoint – add these to exam notes. Prepare seminar questions AT LEAST two nights in advance. Answer all questions thoroughly, using lecture notes and textbook. Read the set readings throughout the week – read a few pages each day. Add things that aren’t in lecture notes to exam notes as I go. Begin assignments AS SOON AS they are released. Write a thorough plan first. Finish assignment at least three days before it is due to allow time for careful editing. Use breaks during day to study- go to law library by myself to prepare for seminars/do readings.
Week of:
Monday, 3 August 2015 (week 2)
From now on spend time each week adding to exam notes. Catch up on notes for weeks one and two. TRY to go to every lecture. Otherwise, make sure I listen to the lecture online and write notes. Prepare seminar questions the night before. Make sure all questions are answered. Read the set readings a couple of days before the seminar. Try to use the readings for seminar preparation. Begin assignments AS SOON AS they are released. Write a thorough plan first. Finish assignment at least three days before it is due to allow time for careful editing. Use the break on Thursday to study- have coffee with James during break on Monday and have the Wednesday break as ME time.
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Week of:
Monday, 17 August 2015 (week 4)
START EXAM NOTES! It’s not too late- spend a few hours writing notes for weeks 1-3. From this week on, make sure I add to them each week!!!! Omg just accept that I won’t go to the lectures and listen to them online on the day they come out! Download onto phone and listen to them while taking dogs for walk. Don’t even worry about notes, just listen to them!!! Read the seminar questions the night before and try to write dot point answers to them on the train on the way in to uni. Skim read the set readings the night before the seminar. Begin assignments AS SOON AS they are released. Write a thorough plan first. Finish assignment at least three days before it is due to allow time for careful editing. Use break on Thursday to study if there’s something important to do. Otherwise, just relax. Need time to breathe and enjoy myself. Have coffee, go shopping etc. I’ll be more productive if I’m not too stressed.
Week of:
Monday, 14 September 2015 (week 8)
Don’t even worry about exam notes. Just do seminar questions etc. and consolidate later. (I’m sure someone will have notes I can use) Read the seminar questions on train on the way to uni. (Pretend set readings don’t exist.) HOW IS THE ASSIGNMENT DUE ON THURSDAY?? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? START ASSIGNMENT. DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLAN. DO NOT PASS GO. JUST START WRITING. NOW. THERE WILL BE NO BREAKS THIS WEEK. Use every spare minute on assignment. Do not go to uni, if necessary! Do not breathe. Just get the assignment done! Use the holidays to catch up on everything- listen to lectures, put PowerPoints in note form, do seminar questions again thoroughly.
Week of:
Monday, 19 October 2015 (week 11)
Go through Emily’s older sister’s friend’s boyfriend’s 2013 exam notes and make sure they’re okay. Listen to lectures during SWOT vac as exam prep!! Do the seminar questions properly now as exam practice, under exam conditions. What set readings? Just wing that section of the exam. It’s only worth 30%. It’ll be fine. Get assignment re-marked. There’s no way I deserved a pass!! Make sure notes are done by next week, so that I can spend all of SWOT vac doing past exams!!!
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Ligfeed.adl.edu.au 18 Most Awkward Uni Experiences (The Last One Will Make You Cringe) You know those moments that make you feel like hiding amongst the shelves in the law library, picking up a copy of Butterworths Concise Australian Legal Dictionary, 3rd ed. and repeatedly banging yourself on the forehead until you can no longer remember where you are? Well we’ve listed 18 of them here for you to reminisce! Enjoy
1. Trying to get to Napier Lower ground from lvs. 1-9 and praying that the right lift comes.
2. Acting like you’re writing the most serious/confusing text you’ve ever sent to avoid someone in the foyer.
3. Trying to find the Barr Smith Reading Room
4. When it’s been 3 years and you still don’t know what GDLP means
5. When people think the walls of the quiet study booths are sound proof.
6. When you realise you’ve been walking all the way around to get to Napier Level 1.
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7. When you come to Uni expecting a shocking LIG foyer transformation and you can’t tell the difference.
8. However, you go to buy a coffee from Briefs…
9. And then wonder whether you’ve stumbled into the chemistry hub by accident.
10. When you thought most of your time at uni would be spent in Elder/ Bonython hall.
11. When it’s been four years and you still only have two friends.
12. The anger when you get a 74 for a subject.
13. When you see this:
14. When a new small tree isn’t kidding anybody.
15. Trying to have a conversation with someone crossing North Terrace in the other direction.
16. When you think there’s an earthquake, but it’s just the LIG courtyard trembling.
17. When the law library tries to be hip (but doesn’t want to go too far).
18. When you’re in 5th year and you still can’t answer the question “so do you want to be a lawyer?”
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JUly is a Wednesday
If months were days, July would be a Wednesday. July is the ultimate hump-month, and not in the good way. It seems like the odds are stacked against July being fun for anybody at all. This July I was “stuck” in Adelaide. Like, I did nothing to get myself out of here, but like, I will complain about it all. the. time. I feel like July is one of the greatest collective downturns for Uni students in Adelaide, we seem to all be having the same experiences. Here’s some reflections about July that I penned at the time: People Going Overseas Observing the activity on my newsfeed during July is a confusing time for me, a real mixed bag of emotions come out of me while I sit and my desk, freezing my tits off. In early July, I’m bombarded with posts like “Seeya Adelaide”, “Saying goodbye to these beautiful girls” (Accompanied of course by a classic airport pic of all the gals with matching backpacks, leggings and new balance sneakers) or “Lads trip! yewwwwww shukkas.” Over the next month, these same, basic people, will be sending snaps, posting instas and sharing shoutouts about their contikis, yacht weeks and beer bikes. On one hand I am incredibly jealous. My Morgan and Finch flannelette sheets provide little comfort from the cold knowing that my friends are having an alcohol fuelled orgy on a boat called something like “Shintala” with a tour guide called “Big Mike”. On the other hand I am overwhelmed with self-righteous indignation. I did the exact same trip last year you plebs! Ha! Do something original for God’s sake. I mean, look at you, so drunk you can’t move any part of your body but your drooping face, while I’m here actually doing something for my future. When you come back I will pretend to care about what you did, but I will definitely find a way to turn the discussion about your trip, into a discussion about my trip and how mine was way more A. Authentic, B. Fun and C. Loose. All the negativity you are probably sensing is actually just from jealousy, I mean the other day I actually got excited about a deal on laundry detergent just so my life in Adelaide could feel validated, I even spoilt myself by getting a Nudie Juice with all the money I saved. If you’re in Europe, you’re definitely having a great time. There really is only one thing worse than seeing friends who are abroad posting on social media, and that’s seeing friends who AREN’T abroad posting on social media. Eg. “Wish I was back here! #croatia #yachtweek #tbt”. I mean I understand where you are coming from…that feeling you’ve given in to exactly what this rant is about, but for God’s sake have some self respect. Splendour in the Grass You’re just not selling it to me. I don’t care if Kanye is appearing on stage with the Stafford Brothers to do an Acapella remix of Shia La Beouf ’s TED talk while Matt Preston critiques Bronwyn Bishop memes. I know this has been said 1000 times but Splendour in the Grass should really change its name, 9/10 photos only show mud. Then, of those photos, 7/9 will be of girls I went to high school with wearing hunter gum boots with a stage in the background and a smile so big it could only be disingenuous. I knew you in school, you were on the committee for designing the schoolies top and cried because no one else wanted the tops to say “(insert school name) Slutz, Schoolies 2013). I have a hard time believing you are actually enjoying yourself without ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ and Sushi Train readily available. The other 2/9 photos are of people who have actively embraced the mud and wanna prove to everyone how hardcore they are by getting down and dirty. “Lol bought these shoes just for splendour! #ruined #splendourinthemud #volleys” Why did you pay so much to roll around in the mud? Mud is dirt and water, which can be found in much of the free world, just go out and get some!
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DEGREE OR NO DEGREE?
That is the question. We all know law is a pretty popular degree (just ignore the imbalanced ratio of law graduates to graduate jobs) but did you know that these featured celebs hold, alongside other awards and trophies, a law degree? At least we know now that if all else fails, there’s gonna be a spot for some of us on the ‘Real Housewives of Adelaide,’ or in Pitbull’s next filmclip.
Gina Liano Besides being our favourite Real Housewife of Melbourne, Gina Liano lives a double life as a Barrister. Gina got her Law Degree from Monash University and much like Elle Woods she proves that brains and beauty are not mutually exclusive #TeamGina.
Shaun Micallef Shaun is living proof that there is indeed life after law, and that such life can be quite entertaining. While most of us know him from his iconic appearances on ‘Thank God You’re Here’ and other shows, prior to this Shaun worked for 10 years as an Insurance Lawyer right here in Adelaide. He is also a notable past member of Adelaide Law School’s Law Revue.
Rebel Wilson Before Pitch Perfect and Bridesmaids there was The University of New South Wales’ Law School. Rebel Wilson graduated from there in 2009 with both a Bachelor of Laws and a Bachelor of Arts.
John Cleese What can’t he do?! Undoubtedly one of History’s funniest Actors and Comedians, Cleese also studied law at Cambridge. Yet to be completely honest, with the tortious antics taking place at Fawlty Towers it was probably a good thing someone on set held a law degree. (no pic soz, no space). 18
Andrew O’Keefe Before his Deal or No Deal days Andrew graduated from the University of Sydney and practised as an Intellectual Property lawyer. (FYI. The $200,000 is inside case 22; but if it’s not, it’s not his fault, it’s yours).
Charlie Pickering Like Gina, Charlie earned his Law (and Arts) degree at Monash University, and similar to Shaun MiCallef Charlie left the law to pursue a career in comedy. From performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival to hosting The Project, his career change has proved to be very successful.
Jane Turner As if we needed another reason to love Australian TV Royalty Jane Turner?! Jane (most popular alter ego; Kath Day-Knight) studied law at Monash University too and is also an Australian representative for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. I’ve got one word to say to you; multi-talented.
Pitbull Along with being Mr Worldwide and the best rapper of our generation Pitbull can now add “lawyer” to his current list of occupations. Just kidding he doesn’t actually have a law degree and he also isn’t the best rapper of our time. But if Pitbull can get a degree of some sort so can you (you’re also lying to yourself if Pitbull in robes holding a piece of parchment isn’t your dream graduation aesthetic). 19
one month in the top end MY AURORA INTERNSHIP IN DARWIN - Georgina Watson
As much as working 40 hours a week in retail and
interpretation, creating guides for self-represented
bracing the Adelaide chill had proven to be a steady
litigants, researching cases and summarising files.
winter break routine for the first four years of my
These tasks enabled me to apply skills already gained
law degree, I was ever more excited for what winter
through my Law degree, expand my knowledge, and
2015 had in store for me. This time, I would be on
appreciate the continuing importance of research
my way to Darwin to complete an Aurora internship
in the legal profession.
at the Northern Territory Magistrates Court. Being an Australian history nerd with no legal
In between completing research based tasks, I
experience and an interest in Aboriginal affairs,
was able to attend one of the six court rooms
I was grateful for the opportunity to complete an
which operate in the Magistrates Court building.
internship that would suit my academic
Attending court gave me invaluable
pursuits. Furthermore, the chance
insight into how the unique social
to visit Darwin had me excitedly
fabric of Darwin comes into
researching things to do and
contact with criminal and
planning trips to Kakadu
civil jurisdictions, and how
with
a Magistrates Court actually
hypothetical
new
friends.
operates. While there were no court room dramas or
Whilst in Darwin, I lived on
extensive hearings, I was
the Charles Darwin University
astounded
Campus and it was here I met
at
how
many
matters could be dealt with in
three girls interning at another
one day and how busy the foyers of
organisation. We spent every weekend
the court rooms could become. I certainly
together enjoying what the Top End had to offer,
gained a new found respect for the lawyers,
and I even got my dream camping trip in Kakadu.
prosecutors, court orderlies, corrections officers,
July is ultimately the best time of year to visit
and of course the Magistrates who work in the
Darwin as one can experience the ‘dry season’
Territory. Everyone worked tirelessly to ensure the
while visiting Mindil Beach markets, riding a bike
courts ran smoothly on a daily basis.
through Nightcliff, taking a stroll along Casuarina beach, and watching some of the best sunsets I’ve
One court I found myself repeatedly visiting was
ever seen.
the Youth Justice Court. It was here I paid particular attention to the inherent sense of urgency to have
At the Magistrates Court, I was placed in Chambers
these teenagers, mostly boys, mostly Aboriginals,
and it was here I worked closely with the Chief
rehabilitated before they are subject to the adult
Magistrate and his personal assistant. The tasks I was
criminal
asked to complete included statutory research and
Lawyer and Prosecutor, representatives from DCF
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system.
Alongside
the
Magistrate,
(Department of Children and Families), leaders of
meant I gained a greater understanding of life on
diversion programs and several family members
the Tiwi Islands and, more generally, what legal and
would often be present, all simply wanting a good,
social issues Aboriginal communities are facing in
honest outcome. With the stigma attached to youth
21st century Australia.
incarceration rates in the Territory, it was refreshing to see such genuine efforts made.
Above all, the most powerful lessons I learned from my time at the Magistrates Court were gained
Undoubtedly the highlight of my internship was
through having conversations with court officers,
being able to attend a circuit court at Wurrumiyanga,
lawyers, Magistrates and personal assistants. Talking
an Aboriginal community on Bathurst Island. This
about Darwin, talking about the Northern Territory,
island is one of two islands that make up the Tiwi
and talking about Aboriginal communities left me
Islands and is about a 20 minute flight north of
with many answers but even more questions I am
Darwin. For two days, I flew in and out of Bathurst
ever determined to answer.
Island, on a very small plane, with the attending Magistrate
and
two
court
orderlies.
Witnessing how a court operates on an island community was a
Completing an Aurora Internship is one of the best experiences I’ve had at Law School and I would recommend
most educational experience.
it to anyone who is looking for
Interpreters were often used
a challenge, the opportunity
for Tiwi defendants and
to engage with distinct legal
there were only two lawyers
frameworks, and perhaps the
to represent more than 20
chance to visit somewhere
clients. Without an actual
you’ve never been. Aurora
court room, the meeting room
places interns at organisations
at the council building was used with the Magistrate, Prosecutor, Lawyer and Client all sitting around the one table. Observing this process, I could see
right
across
Australia,
so
the possibilities are endless. I thoroughly enjoyed spending a month in Darwin and exploring surrounding natural
the large gap that existed between the court process
wonders. Having undertaken an Aurora Internship
and the Aboriginal defendants’ understanding of
now means I can complete the 3 unit Native Title
this inherently English system.
Course offered by Adelaide Law School.
Not only was I able to observe the circuit court, but I was also shown around Wurrumiyanga and parts of Bathurst Island by a local police officer, a corrections officer, and a local Tiwi man. Talking to these people so experienced with the Wurrumiyanga For more information, visit http://www.auroraproject.com.au/aboutapplyinginternship. Applications are open in March and August each year on-line via the Aurora website. 21
Blanks suck... & then you BLANK one One of the great things about being outside the mainstream is that you can look back in, and cherry pick from trends that you hate. There’s always something that “everyone” is doing, and there’s always a crowd that love to hate “everyone”. Unfortunately for the “crowd”, the reality is that “everyone” includes everyone, even the “crowd”. DJ’s suck… and then need one Remember in 2011 when Avicii was dominating the airwaves on a number of levels. For me personally it was the year after high school and everybody had heaps of spare time. Obviously we were attending heaps of cool events at the Havvy and Apple Bar, and dance music became a huge part of our lives. What happened next was predictable really, everyone was suddenly a DJ. I don’t know precisely how it happened… but all the guys I knew downloaded an illegal copy of “Virtual DJ Pro 8”. Of course everyone had their friend who embarked on their DJ career at this point, and then everyone decided that they could be cynical about their one DJ friend behind their back because lets face it, Benno, who had to leave sex ed awkwardly during year 11, isn’t exactly cut out to be the source of a party vibe for 200 people. However, when 21sts come around we are all very happy to ask Benno to DJ our party for free because we’re mates right? Personal Trainers suck… and then you have one In the last couple of years one of the biggest trends has been the health and fitness wave, “Fit is the new skinny” all that. Of course on the back of this trend, every second person on Facebook is, or is studying to be a personal trainer. The crowd loves to sit on the outside here and point fingers while sipping craft beers. It is easy to say that people are just riding the trend of wearing sports gear all the time, having expensive gym memberships and slamming kale smoothies. However, as “the crowd” get into their early twenties and get desk jobs, they start to get fat. The natural course of action is to get a damn personal trainer because all your personal trainer friends still look so damn good. So many times I’ve heard my friends justify their personal trainer as “like, a real chilled dude, not hell hardcore or anything like that, “what does that even mean? A hard core is the goal isn’t it? “oh but she isn’t like one of those “fit girls “or whatever, she is like, a normal trainer”. The worst situation is when one of your friends becomes a personal trainer and then you have to start justifying their lifestyle choice to friends and family. “What’s John up to these days?” “Oh, he’s a personal trainer, but he’s like actually good, and he is one of the nicest guys in the world.” Why do we insist that personal trainers must all be social media sharing, carb-avoiding, stereos attending assholes? They are physically active for a living, they are probably way happier and hotter than us…
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Vegans suck… and then hate yourself (rightly) There’s an ancient proverb that reads “How do you know if someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you”. One of the harshest criticisms I’ve heard of vegans is that its just a trend and people are just getting on the bandwagon. Now, I don’t actually have any facts about the benefits of veganism, and neither do you probably. Isn’t it super annoying when you’re out to dinner and your vegan friend can hardly eat anything on the menu? Isn’t it annoying when you go to their house and there’s no “real” food? BUT isn’t the most annoying thing that they might be right? And by actually enacting their beliefs, they make you feel shit for never acting on your beliefs, ever. I don’t care if vegans are right or wrong, I care that they’ve made a decision and run with it. I find myself staring at brands of ham in the supermarket for at leats ten minutes, let alone coming to a conclusion about the ethics of animal products. I’m hazarding a guess here but I reckon most people who love to bag vegans probably secretly think that the vegan cause (environmental and ethical) is valid, but would never actually change because meat and cheese taste too good. When a vegan mentions they have succeeded in living out the changes that the thought of animal suffering inspire, its bloody annoying for those of us that fail, constantly, to do anything we put out mind to. That is why vegans are annoying, because they draw attention to our inability to act. So next time, shut the hell up about vegans because while
you were “Netflix and Chilling” they were probably having a great time knowing
they can do what their brain tells them. The proverb should actually read: “How do you know if someone is a vegan? They are self actualising, and you’re not” On that note, here are a bunch of vegan memes that describe them to perfection—
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9 signs you’re an adelaide law Schooler
With 36 Law Schools around the Country and 3 in the State it could be hard to distinguish them from one another but here are 9 indefinite signs that make it obvious you attend (or attended) Adelaide Law School; 1. Law Library If you have found yourself lodged in the depths of the Law Library at an unprecedented hour of the night finishing off an assignment, or have simply asked Margaret for some help with legal research (talk about a lifesaver) you without a doubt go to Adelaide Law School. 2. Bar 9 When attempting to catch up on 5 weeks’ worth of textbook readings in one day, a double shot espresso is the only thing that will hold you hand through such dark times. Bar 9 understands. 3. Pre-lecture Videos How about that flipped classroom though? If you have had the pleasure of watching some Oscar-worthy prelecture videos about The High Court and Kable you have definitely undertaken PPL. It is also true that with his regular appearances in this video series, Stubbsy has a higher chance of winning an Oscar for Best Actor than Leonardo DiCaprio does even being nominated. 4. Small Group Discovery Experience Need I say more? Being exclusive to Adelaide University you can be certain that if you have participated in a SGDE you go here (shout out to @PrinciplesofPublicLaw). 5. Law Ball If you’ve woken up on a Sunday morning in the early month of June wondering what happened the night before you can almost guarantee that you attended Law Ball. Being the biggest Law Ball in the southern hemisphere, if you went to Law Ball you definitely went to Adelaide Law School. The bigger question can be asked though, if you didn’t attend Law Ball are you even a real Adelaide Uni Law student? 6. Law Chats Member of this Facebook group? Adelaide Uni Law student: confirmed Post memes in this group? Adelaide Uni Law Student: double confirmed Post videos in this group? Adelaide Uni Law Student: unconfirmed, does not go here, do not watch. 7. Macbooks You own a mac and are therefore a member of the prolific ‘Law Student with a Macbook’ cult on campus. For those who don’t own a Mac in defiance of conforming, we all know you secretly wish you had one. 8. Hexagons What once used to be viewed as a regular six-sided polygon can now only be synonymous with being an inhabitant of Ligertwood (aka. A Law Student of Adelaide Uni) 9. Facebook If you come across an ‘About Me’ section that resembles right, then your ‘Adelaide Uni Law Student’ radar should be going off. 24
A message to myself A few days ago I received a small piece of card in the letterbox. It was an invitation to my 5-year school reunion. I started thinking about life in high school and what advice I would give my 17-year-old self for the future. From all the worldly wisdom I have gained within the erudite confines of the Adelaide Law School, I know that with a time machine handy, the advice I would give to my former self would make me so much more savvy for this uncapped Uni fee world. Dear 17-year-old me, Don’t start drinking coffee!!! Ah coffee, the rich, sweet, frothy, hot (or iced! So versatile!!) highlight of my day. How would I get through my 9am administrative law seminar without this warm cup of happiness? I’m not exaggerating when I say, I actually do not know. I’ve done the calculations and, assuming I buy 1 coffee per day, I spend $1,600.00 per year on coffee. So if you ever want to buy a house, pay of your HECS or live somewhere where you don’t have to know by 2pm whether your going to be home for dinner, so that your parents know how many pieces of fish to buy from the market, don’t start drinking coffee. Life is better without it, learn to live without it. On a si de note, ’s does anyone else You may think it’s a great day when you finally get ?! parents do this that tenth burrito free at Zambrero, but when you really OMGF I do not think about it, that means you’ve spent like $120 on a know if I’m gonn Mexican food. That’s $120 dollars that could have been be ho me for put towards text-books for next year. Actually, while I d inner at 11am in remember, UniBooks has followed the path of Encompass the morning! Let and has gone down the gurgler… save your text books me live a little until you hear the news and then bam! Sell at a hell wow. inflated price. Then you don’t have to feel guilty about paying extra for that guacamole. When the seminar leader passes that sheet of paper around the class for people to write their name on for attendance, do not, under any circumstances, let someone borrow your pen to write their name on the list. You will never it again; it’ll be savagely taken from you and abused by the entire class as that pauper you were being a good Samaritan to idiotically passes it to the next person in the line, rather than giving it back to you. Its RIP pen if that happens. Use your printing money wisely, it is scarce and hard to come by. I once emailed the IT Department asking why they were so stingy with their printing quotas, thinking that I would be the famous student who got printing quotas uncapped for the uni. All I got back was a list of universities in that didn’t get any printing money from around the country with a smiley face emoticon, it was cold, it was the stuff of nightmares. Be a hero in the court room not at uni, if we survive. With kind regards, the future you xoxo. 25
That Law Look I’d hedge my bets that every law student has encountered that ‘law look’ served to us by most members of society when the topic of our career path arises. It tends to pop up when a past teacher or a wellmeaning family friend questions our choice of degree, and private schoolboys respond with ‘law/commerce’ while aspiring doctors with insufficient UMAT scores respond with ‘law/health science’. Why is it that such a look of pity often washes over our companion’s face when they learn that we are studying a –cue gasp- law degree?! And proceed to inform us that those young lawyers lucky enough to score a job work 18 hour days for next to the minimum wage? Yes, distant-friend-of-my-mother’s-but-still-not-close-enough-to-judge-me-onmy-degree-woman, we understand that our choice of study was a huge freaking mistake. Oh, and we’re aware that lawyers are the unhappiest people out of every profession on earth. Thanks. Law used to be considered pretty scholarly and everyone thought you had to be kind of smart to be accepted and actually pass the course. Granted, this was before Stubbsy made failing PPL almost impossible with the introduction of pre-lecture quizzes doable by a seven year old and the small group death discovery experience (guilty – I still don’t actually know what Boilermakers was about). This was before International Law lectures became more of an entertaining foray into Dale’s life story; his edge-of-your-seat naval adventures much more nail biting than opinio juris. As such, if anyone knows the definitive answer as to whether Palestine’s a state, I’d be eager to know. A supposedly well-intentioned family friend once informed me that Law is the new Arts degree –which I say in a completely self-deprecating fashion, as my double is International Studies and we all know that’s the same thing. But despite what people are accustomed to think, there do actually exist some merits to a law degree. For one, law has taught me to be brutal in life. Attack your word counts viciously, and you 26
actually learn to cut your own crap (and your friends’ too). Prioritize – don’t read the whole case if there is a perfectly adequate Wikipedia summary available for your perusal, and don’t go to the gym if there’s a perfectly adequate packet of Tim-Tams available for post-assignment consumption. Or maybe pre-assignment consumption, because we all know that anticipatory rewards are the best form of motivation. Regardless, we all know the job market is in as much trouble as Stevenson’s ginger beer company. We know that getting a GPA of 2.3 probably won’t guarantee us a job as a paper shredder. We know that our best bet is moving into uni full-time, sleeping in the Hub and becoming an academic on an obscure legal theory concept that has absolutely no use nor relevance for legal practice. I can’t help but reminisce on the days of career counseling, when we naively believed that the utterly useless yet reassuring advice of ‘passion will get you through’ would apply equally to the legal sphere. I’m looking forward to the day when I have to navigate this concrete jungle of snarling graduates baring their First Class Honours parchment like sharp pointed fangs, a little similar to fighting through hoards of overenthusiastic student pollies to get to class on AULSS Election Day. It’s survival of the fittest; a fight to the death just to make it to your 10am seminar with that one and only hot Contracts tutor. Let’s be honest, he’s the only reason you’d even bother – anyone who can rock a marf (a manscarf for any plebs who don’t follow) is right up there in my books. Maybe passion does count for something. We might not lust after another case to read, another citation to find or another ratio to decipher. But if we weren’t doing law, I think we’d quite miss laughing at cases about people fighting over who owns the sand flying between their backyards, or advising Aaron about how he could sue Beth when the third party damage was really caused by Con, or forever correcting AutoCorrect because judges make up words like ‘unconscionability’ that don’t exist. It’s this element of problem solving in the law degree that’s awfully stimulating, and appeals rather to our sense of justice. I’m not going to stop telling Year 12s to run away from law as fast as humanly possible because once they start it’s just a doomed black hole of imminent despair. I mean, what’s a Hilarian article without some hypocrisy? But even if we don’t get jobs as practicing lawyers, we will end up somewhere where we want to be. And if we don’t, then Maccas or post-grad Med will always be waiting for us. Edwina Lane. 27