The Hilarian, Edition 1 2014 by Hilarian

The Hilarian Edition 1, 2014 Published 28 March 2014 Editor-in-Chief

Tilde Wiese

Deputy Editor

Aditya Shivam

Cover Art

Jimmy Emmett

Contributors

Major Sponsor General Sponsors

Sherin Lim-Houssain Eleanor Kay Amos Washington Lipman Karas Allens Clayton Utz

This publication does not represent the views of the Adelaide University Law School. This publication is not endorsed by the Adelaide University Law School or the University of Adelaide generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the Adelaide University Law Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Society.

A Letter from the Editors

Internet Dating with the AULSS

Learning Stuff: Native Title

The Revival of Wingdings

The Best Dog-Based Videos on Youtube

The Places We Fly Over

Toilet Banter

Puzzle Me This

Ask Auntie Alice

Rates and Hates

Fighting First

Social Pages: Sue Me

Dearest readership, Welcome to our papery lair. Please, come inside - with your minds, obviously. Physics might place some barriers in the way of you actually getting into the pages of the magazine; as a human, you are simply too multidimensional. Unless of course you are Tintin or some other brand of friendly 2D character, but really, that’s just opening up a whole new can of logistical worms that we would prefer to leave firmly shut. Especially since our only intention here was to welcome you to this, the very first issue of the Hilarian for 2014!

Being staunch advocates of the freest kind of press, and the lucky recipient of some generous sponsorship, we are happy to offer you the opportunity to pick up your very own copy of the Hilarian from any of the piles in which they casually and seductively lie around the law school without having to provide even the slightest of consideration1. And we offer more than just that – within this twenty-eight leaf largely sub-par excuse for journalism, you will actually find some quality articles that will expand both your mind and outlook on life! You will also find a hearty chuckle or two, five meerkat pictures2 and the occasional poo joke. We hope that such content appeals to your sensibilities. If not, maybe stop reading now. And I wouldn’t bother picking up another issue for the rest of the year either, we’re pretty comfortable with our model. On that note, we bid you happy reading, and look forward to seeing your pretty face again the next time you read something we have written!3 With awkward half-hugs and an appropriate level of affection, Tilde (and Aditya) xx

1 Not 2

even a peppercorn. Send the page numbers of all five meerkat pictures to hilarian.klap@gmail.com for your chance to win a prize! (Note: chance of winning prize incredibly slim. Hilarian editorial team not currently in possession of any kind of prize, nor do they have even the slightest intention of acquiring one.) Yeah, we install hidden cameras within the pages of everything we write, what of it? Sure, it’s pricey, but we feel it helps us to really develop a bond with our readers.

Tilde Wiese, Editor-in-Chief Tilde is a fifth year Law and Arts student who isn’t at all worried that she has no desire to practice law; she’s certain her combined Arts major in French and English Literature will leave her with plenty of alternative job prospects. Tilde enjoys contemplating cooking but rarely actually eats anything other than what is provided for her by her mother and her kindly amigos. Her other skills include juggling and making party costumes out of any available packaging and giftwrapping materials at her place of employment. A true patriot at heart, you’ll find her down by the billabong waiting for her billy to boil, or occasionally engaging in a casual glass of Kangarouge poured from the finest cleanskin.

Aditya Shivam, Deputy Editor Some have referred to him as the modern day Snoop Dogg, but others beg to differ. He’s got his mind on his money and his money on his mind and enjoys the occasional gin and juice. Aditya dabbles in the general tomfoolery of fifth year Law and Economics and has a penchant for Harry Potter and Kit-Kats. His favourite animals are llamas, meerkats and quokka’s (the world’s happiest animal) mainly because they make him feel better about his apparent lack of intelligence. Unfortunately he doesn’t realise that most of these animals are making a mockery of him behind his back, especially Yuri from thecomparethemeerkat.com, who has recently launched areyousmarterthanaditya.com, a website which constantly answers its own question in the affirmative regardless of its user.

Daisy, Production Consultant Known to the group only by her twitter username @daisymoo4, rumour has it that the final member of the editorial team is, in fact, a dairy cow. Though her bovine limbs make the use of a keyboard relatively challenging, she plays a valuable role on the team, having been described as both “a valuable muse” and “a constant source of inspiration”. Daisy’s facebook page indicates that her interests include “munchin’ on grass”, “standing in fields” and starting her days by listening to the entire back catalogue of Queen. Whenever she sees the silhouette of a man, she does the fandango. Daisy is also an avid collector of stamps.

Have you ever wanted to get to know your AULSS better? Have you ever thought that the Hilarian would probably write a feature to that effect in their first issue? Have you ever then considered the fact that the editors of the Hilarian wouldn’t want to increase their workload excessively and therefore would kick off the task by doing a quick search on Australia’s favourite dating websites and see what might have already been written for them? Funny, we followed exactly the same thought process. and Mary on exchange, I’m back in Adelaide, flashing the society’s cheque book to make sure everyone has as much fun (and as much to drink) at AULSS events as I do. Raise your glasses guys, I’ll see you at Law Ball.

President Priya Pavri I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Except, I prefer gin, and really don’t like the rain. I’m a big fan of macaroons, half-lattes, an old book, yoga and laksa. I’m less keen on doing laundry, crickets, public transport and those reality TV shows where people sing and dance.

Vice President (Administration) Edward Gainer Sup. My name is Edward Gainer and I’m Vice President of Administration (VPA) of the Law Students’ Society, fondly known as “Valuable Party Animal.” When I’m not galavanting around the College of William

Vice President (Education) Steph Kolaczkos I’ll be frank with you, I genuinely enjoy hanging out in the dungeon…I mean Law Library, not so much to necessarily get anything done but because it’s law student central – the perfect place to catch up with everyone and get up to speed with the latest happenings. So I guess hanging out in the law library helped me get the job on the education team! I also get up to the usual student activities, attending the various uni events, working retail so I can afford my lunch – an expense proportional to my level of procrastination. On the side I also dabble in bit of flute playing...as if my geek rating isn’t already concerning.

Education Representative Miranda van Heuven What’s up kids?! My name is Miranda van Heuven or, if you prefer, RandyVan. I’m third year law, part time clerk, part time lifeguard. When I’m not using my crim law presentation to serenade David Caruso about marital rape or cooking totally rad vegan snacks you will find me at Sue Me, Pub Crawl or Law Ball. As Education Rep I’m responsible for looking after the first years (by keeping the 5th years away from them).

Vice President (Careers and Sponsorship) Annie McNeil I like candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach...kidding that stuff is

sooo cliché. A night in watching Suits is far more enjoyable. I am in my final year of law and am still working out what I want to do with my life, whether or not law will be apart of my future plans is the million dollar question. Any takers?!

for the upcoming Scrabble themed engineering pubcrawl has the letter “Y” on it, and I look forward to spelling “YOLO” with some first-years while jumping on a car like the spoilt little brat I am. Competitions Director Meg Lowe I am in my 4th year of a double degree with Arts majoring in Politics. I am super passionate about the law school and everything to do with life as a law student ranging from the Personal Property Securities Act, to eating tuna mid-lecture just to insult everyone’s nostrils, to posting obnoxiously frequently on law school-related social media (check the Adelaide Law School instagram, right?). I’m interested in International Criminal Law, and one day I hope to be Judge Judy.

Careers and Sponsorship Representatives Imogen Basedow Currently in my fourth year of Uni studying Law/Arts just like every second person. When I’m not devouring a Combination Laksa in the Hub’s Penang Hawkers Corner I can be found wandering the aisles at the Central Market or flicking through books at our spectacular Student CoOp (shameless plug: visit us at Level 4, Elizabeth House, 231 North Tce).

Competitions Representatives Henry James I am studying a double degree in Law and Mechanical Engineering and am in my fifth year of the seven year degree. When I’m not working or studying I’m a self confessed “petrol head” (not the doof doof Skyline type btw) who loves tinkering under cars

Taylor Rundell I’m a fourth year Law and Economics student, now officially working with the Careers & Sponsorship team, though I’m pretty well known for my IT skillz. I was an environmentalist until an exam invigilator told him to stop writing double-spaced on every second page of his contracts exam to “save a tree”. My t-shirt

and hanging out at car club events. I’m an easy going guy who’s always up for a chat about anything. Just don’t try and tell me how “totes awesome Suits is” because I’ve watched it, and Rake is far better.

Activities Director Fraser Andrews Have you seen this face? Right swipe away, ladies.

Activities Representatives Ned Marlow-Weir I recently suffered a severe blow to the head and consequently have absolutely no memory of my formative years. I imagine that I was an inquistive child and a constant source of pride and amusement for my parents. After that, I like to think that I grew out of my overalls and into a happy-go-lucky teen who enjoyed a casual hit of raquetball and the occasional frollick in the park. Looking for a fun-loving lady, ideally brunette and of average height, to help me rebuild my life. Said brunette would preferably also be amenable to the idea of having children at an early age and raising them in a cheery treehouse home. 5

I will do my best to sum myself up honestly in one sentence: I’m lively, a fan of the arts and a huge believer in the power of hard work in achieving success. DONE.

Activities Representatives Maddie Quinn I am a second year Law/International Studies student hailing from a little place called Bowral in NSW, home of Donald Bradman and halfway point between Sydney and Canberra. In my year so far in Adelaide, I’ve learnt that “footy” refers to AFL and not Rugby, there’s a reason no other state eats ABs, every South Australian loves “the River”, and that going through the Britannia Roundabout the first time you drive in Adelaide is a bad idea. How I ended up studying law in this whacky place is another story completely, but I can say with confidence that it was a “heaps good” decision.

Daniel D’Onofrio Hi! I’m Daniel, I’m 20 years old and enjoy long walks on the beach with my dog and love food. Forgive this extremely clichéd phrase, but at least it’s better than “I loathe homework, detest people who wear ‘sneans’ and would like to sit at home bingeing on junk food and watching Friends reruns.’ Bios have a depressing way of revealing how uninteresting my life is, hence my normal tendency to avoid them like the plague. Nevertheless,

Social Justice Director Alexander Lontos Hey, I’m Alexandra and I’m thrilled to introduce myself as your AULSS Social Justice Director for 2014! I’m dedicated to reforming the Social Justice portfolio this year… I just wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. I’m a fourth year Law/ Politics student who enjoys piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, overused cliché lyrics and referencing Mean Girls. I also enjoy nice things like giving away freebies such as tea and cupcakes… so that’s something my team and I will be aiming to do consistently throughout the year as part of our student wellbeing focus.

Social Justice Representative Thomas Wooden Ahoy! I am a fourth year Law/ International Studies student this year working with the LSS under the guidance of foxy SJ Director, Ally

Lontos. Variety is the spice of life and thus I love all sorts of things: yoga, tennis, reading, international affairs, tea and most of all, baked goods. God bless Nigella Lawson. I can swing dance a bit, too - Jitterbug and East Coast Swing are my thing. If you see me around uni make sure to introduce yourself - I love meeting new people and don’t bite! You stay excellent, prosecutes.

Mature Age Representative Adrienne Lea I’m in my final year of Law, having taken leave from my day job in the Federal Dept. of the Environment to polish this darn thing off. I am very excited to be counting down subjects on one hand now! Having been a long time working full-time external student, for me being a student full time is akin to dying and going to heaven. I have 7 kids and 3 grandsons, and love to travel, whether that be sailing around SA, visiting my kids interstate or venturing overseas. I speak some Pitjantjatjara and French and enjoy skiing, kayaking and cycling. I don’t cook or renovate, and therefore do not understand MKR or the Block, but I do love to read crime thrillers. At the moment I am distinguishable on campus being accompanied by Ushi my RSB guide dog in training. We also acknowledge the following members of the AULSS Committee who think they can “pick up like regular people”, or alternatively had profiles that were simply too kinky to publish: Careers & Sponsorship Reps Ben Atkinson, Hugh Brown, Hugo Shaw and Nick Lee; Competitions Reps Tom Cosentino and Sarah Grant; Activities Rep Leah Costanzo; Social Justice Reps Rebecca Cox, Eleanor Kay and Nina McEwan; and IT & Marketing Officer Nick Banks. 

Here at the Hilarian, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not all about fun and games - only mostly. Occassionally we do like to learn some things as well! In this issue, Eleanor Kay busts some knowledge on native title.

How it Works

The Native Title Act

Under the NTA definition, native title means the communal or individual rights and interests of Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander people in relation to land or waters where the rights and interests are possessed under their traditional laws and customs and those laws and customs have a The Mabo decision overruled the doctrine of connection with the land or waters. These rights Terra Nullius, the idea that Australian land did not and interests are recognised by common law. belong to anyone before European settlement, Right and interests include things such as hunting, and replaced it with native title. This doctrine gathering and fishing carried out by Aboriginal or recognises that the Indigenous people of Australia Torres Strait Islanders on the land. had ownership of the land and a set of traditional laws prior to European settlement. The term The main objects of the NTA are to provide for Indigenous is used here to encompass both the recognition and protection of native title, to establish ways in which future dealings affecting Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. native title may proceed, and provide for or The effect of the decision and subsequent permit the validation of acts preceding 1 July 1993 legislation, The Native Title Act 1993 (NTA), is that invalidated because of the existence of native title. under Australian law, some Indigenous individuals and communities have rights and interests in The Native Title Tribunal relation to their traditional land and may claim the The final object of the act was to provide a title to that land in certain circumstances. mechanism to deal with native title. The NTA Many of us have studied Mabo v Queensland (No. 2) or at least heard reference to it from Dennis Denuto in The Castle. If you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seen The Castle and intend to continue studying law you should find time to watch it as a matter of urgency.

therefore established the National Native Title Tribunal, an independent statutory body. The tribunal facilitates access to Native Title processes for individuals directly involved and the public. It also administers part of the future act process, which is the procedure that deals with proposals relating to areas that might be subject to native title. Future acts often involve mining companies and compulsory acquisitions. The Tribunal mediates between parties, conducts enquiries and makes future act determinations or decisions where parties canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t reach an agreement. It also maintains the registers of Native Title Claims, Determinations and Indigenous Land Use Agreements.

The Attorney-General is responsible for native title courts and tribunals and also approves the state and territory native title systems. The Commonwealth Attorney-Generalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s department also manages a legal aid fund for non-indigenous parties who are responding to native title claims. Understandably, State and Territory governments are involved in every native title application within their jurisdiction because they manage the land and water in their respective jurisdictions. They also provide land tenure information and handle most of the future act processes.

Key Issues

It is clear that there have been many successful claims for native title since the beginning of its Representative bodies under the NTA are legal life. However, The Australian Human Rights organisations which represent Indigenous people Commission identified some key issues associated within their selected regions by negotiating with the native title process in their 2012 report. Indigenous land use agreements, providing support for native title determinations and applications for The overarching problems identified are not compensation as well as responding to proposed directly concerned with the management of native future acts. However, some individuals choose to title but more broadly associated with the effects use private lawyers or represent themselves in that European colonisation and the loss of the traditional way of life had on Indigenous people. native title processes. These effects include things such as paternalistic policies, the corrosion of cultural identity and Government Agencies

Representative bodies

Figure 1.

Source: National Native Title Tribunal Report: Native Title. National Native Title Tribunal, February 2012. http://www.nntt.gov.au/ 8

feelings of displacement and powerlessness. It is important to understand that these issues permeate native title dealings. For instance, demonstrating Indigenous identity and cultural connection to the land can be difficult when Indigenous individuals are not necessarily using land in the manner prescribed in the legislation or may not have been continually associating with their traditional communities. A depiction of the problems that can arise in dealing with native title and their potential resolutions is illustrated in the Quandamooka Peoples native title consent determination. The case involved sand mining on North Stradbroke Island which had been occurring for over seventy years and had resulted in hostility between the individuals who had benefitted from the industry and those who had not or those who felt it had negatively affected their land. In order to deal with these issues, the Quandamooka People developed a decision making process in conjunction with a native title body and their solicitors which involved hearing applications from each of the families who were in the native title claim group. Any issues which could not be resolved here were taken to the Council of

Elders. The Yoolooburrabee Aboriginal Corporation was set up to manage their native tile rights and the Quandamooka People have ensured that this structure of decision-making continues within the corporation. Native title is an interesting area of law, not least of all because the system of law surrounding Indigenous land rights, which we have developed and continue to amend, is unique to Australia. For more information on Native Title visit the following websites: The Native Title Tribunal http://www.nntt.gov.au/ The Federal Court http://www.fedcourt.gov.au/ The Aurora Project http://www.auroraproject.com.au/ Be sure to check out Sherin Lim-Hussainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s account of her experience as an Aurora Native Title Intern in The Places We Fly Over, page 14. ď ´

Figure 2.

Source: National Native Title Tribunal Report: Native Title. National Native Title Tribunal, February 2012. http://www.nntt.gov.au/

Figure 1 illustrates the number of native title applications registered from 1994-2011. Their outcomes are detailed in Figure 2. 9

hlaAVFMNKlah Aditya Shivam delves deep into the secrets of divination with dingbats.

It has been described by typography critics around the world as the “totes most underground font ever” and was even prestigiously recognised as the font that best represented the country of Djibouti by several credible online quizzes. But what do we really know about this hideously cryptic font that hides in the midst of computers worldwide? In-depth research took me all around the world and finally led me to discover a man, hunched and greyed by the weight of wisdom, who was alive during the inception of the font into systems

worldwide . He spoke passionately about the so called “glory days” and how demand for the font in everyday activities grew so rapidly that the creators had to design rapid updates to their typeface in order to include numbers as well as letters so as to meet with high demand from academics who craved numerical characters that were not based on Hindu-Arabic origin, but instead on a totally non-discriminate “dingbat” platform. So came the age of Wingdings 2, and in subsequent years Wingdings 3. Needless to say, it was a hit with professors worldwide and naturally spurred on an era of great mathematic and scientific discovery, namely the discovery of the Higgs Boson particle and the successful mapping of E8. Its success spread through the lands over the years and the font in its current form (Wingdings 3, or   for the avid “wingdingers” out there in our readership) poses a great threat to many of Microsoft Word’s leading fonts, most significantly Times New Roman, which has had an unhealthy monopoly over the typography market for years; a development within the market that both the ACCC and Tony Abbott’s current probusiness government are very pleased about.

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Saying this, Windings is far more than just a font. In fact, some have referred to it as the Professor Trelawny of the modern era, and indeed these

are valid comments to make. Wingdings has been renowned in the world of prophecies and conspiracies. Who can forget the great failed prophecy that the world would end at the end of the last millennium? Academics have argued as to where such a theory first came from, but it is clear that Wingdings was to blame, just type in “MILLENIUM” in Wingdings and you get the following:  ...ominous indeed. Sadly, demand for the font began to decrease heavily after the failed prophecy as its audience began to claim that the font was out of touch with the needs of people in the twenty-first century.

in Wingding’s results in these three possibilities: 1) Wingdings 1 () suggests that there was a bomb on board and that this cause some sort of computer meltdown, leading to a terrible end. 2) Wingdings 2 () suggests that the plane was part of some aerobatics display which led to garbage clogging up vital systems and reports leading to a tragic end. 3) Wingdings 3(), the most current and credible of all Wingdings fonts, suggests that the flight made an initial deviation from its course, tried to return and in doing so landed off course, a theory well supported by the facts available.

This, though, is utterly incorrect; contrary evidence suggested that the font still had many secrets to divulge and thus justified its re-establishment within the typographic world. For example, who can forget missing Malaysian airlines Flight MH370? As we go to print, no credible evidence has surfaced to indicate what has happened. Some have suggested that pirates have commandeered the plane; others suggest that planned HBO publicity stunt for Season 13 of Lost. Boy, do we have something that will just blow this case wide open! Typing in MH370

As you can clearly see, Wingdings is not only an unbiased communicative tool imperative to the promotion of mathematics and science, but vital in the solving of some of the deepest and darkest mysteries that our world has to offer, making it an intrinsic element of the fabric of modern society. I therefore implore you to promote its use within the community and to stamp out the unhealthy monopoly that Times New Roman currently has in the market.  11

As the uni workload begins to snow you under, Crimea is annexed by Russia, Tony Abbott does his best to rejoin the empire and the destiny of MH370 remains a mystery, Tilde Wiese brings home the hard-hitting journalism that is relevant to you. Husky dog talking - “I love you” An old time hit if ever there was one. In this family favourite, verbose husky Mishka articulates the words “I love you” in a range of howls of varying comprehensibility. Sure, you may reach a point where you recognise that the dog simply has a knack for mimicking pitch rather than even the vaguest notion of linguistic skill or comprehension. But once you reach that point, grow a heart! This friendly ball of fluff just wants to tell you she loves you. Don’t criticise the fact that some of her pronunciation is slightly off - of course it is, she’s a dog. Just go ahead and accept her cuddly canine affections. Dog teaches puppy how to walk downstairs My parents often tell a story of how when I was growing up I had a certain amount of difficulty mastering the art of the stairwell, largely because still being a miniture person meant that I was as yet unable to reach the great heights of the balustrade with my pudgy toddler arms. Imagine then, the daunting task faced by a puppy who not only cannot reach the balustrade, but does not even have arms! The development of a certain level of support-free stairwell ascent and descent capabilities is rapidly going to become an essential part of life. Luckily for this video’s puppy protagonist, the friendly adult pooch Simon goes to her aid to arm her with the necessary climbing skills. Whether he is prompted to help others by his own sufferance of schoolyard bullying based on his overtly human name or whether he is simply good-natured by heart we shall never know, but the interaction sure does make for quality viewing.

Two dogs dining You remember that trick you used to do where when one person was seated at a table and another would sit behind them, put their hands through their sleeves and act as their arms? In control of what were notionally someone else’s limbs, you would proceed to engage in a certain amount of hilarious tomfoolery and hijinx. Said tomfoolery would even occasionally involve attempts to feed the other person if your mum would allow you to make that much mess and if the other person wasn’t too worried about a few lunch stains on their t-shirt. Needless to say, it was a 100% fail-safe recipe for comedy gold. Well, this video is that. Except the people at the table are dogs.

Sherin Lim-Hussain’s experience as an Aurora Native Title Intern based in the Pilbara, WA.

Like almost all penultimate-year law students, a noticeable shift occurred in my approach to my law degree over the course of the year. Slowly, my calendar full of upcoming pub crawls was replaced by one packed with upcoming application closing dates. Pre-lecture conversation with my peers turned from hilarious re-enactments of weekend antics to frantic discussions about extra-curricular opportunities. After four (or five, in my case) years of relative stress-free legal education we had suddenly been gripped by the collective realisation that in a mere matter of months we would be expected to gracefully transition into the real world, armed with shining resumes showcasing the full extent of our limitless talents and abilities. Needless to say, “an unmatched talent for borrowing other people’s exam notes” or “capable of learning the whole of the Equity course in SWOTVAC week” were not among the skills prospective employers would be seeking – as impressive as they may be.

With the all-consuming fear of creating fivepage resumes before graduation driving us, we set about building our legal experience through the considerable number of internship and clerkship opportunities available. After cruising

through the Careers Fair and taking more than my designated share of free stationary, one internship opportunity stood out to me from the mass of brochures. The Aurora Native Title Internship presented students and graduates with a unique opportunity to be placed within a native title or Indigenous-related body for a six week period, with many opportunities placing interns around the far-flung corners of remote Australia. With the extent of my native title knowledge coming from a half-hour discussion back in second year Property Law, an opportunity to learn more about this mysterious system strongly appealed to me. After a surprising first-round acceptance email and pleasant panel interview, I was formally accepted as an Aurora Intern awaiting placement with a host organisation. Given my limited funds I had listed predominately Adelaide-based bodies among my preferences, but inwardly had a strong desire to capitalise on the opportunity to travel somewhere completely unknown to me and experience the native title system firsthand. This opportunity came with a phone call from the Aurora Placements Manager, who asked me how “adventurous” I was feeling.

Answering “very” saw me disembarking from a plane to walk the tarmac in Australia’s mining heartland - the Pilbara of Western Australia. Ahead of me stood six weeks working with Kuruma Marthudunera Aboriginal Corporation (KMAC), an Aboriginal Corporate formed under the native title system. The flight from Perth had been a bizarre experience, being the only female on the plane and the only passenger not donning high visibility work-wear and steel-capped boots. Looking down over the empty, endless landscape I recalled all the times I had flown over these areas in the past on our annual family trips to Singapore. I had not even realized communities existed out here, let alone pictured myself spending my summer break amongst the mining camps and local pubs that comprise the region. But here I was, looking out over the empty red sanded landscape, realising that this was the first time I had been in a space so vast that nothing stood between me and the horizon. Already, this place felt surreal.

strategy to reviewing heritage Far from a mere resume-builder, agreements and seeking out an Aurora Internship offers bargain office supplies. an experience to participants unmatchedby any other Working for a corporation program. The opportunity to be dedicated to ensuring Aboriginal involved in worthwhile projects, members shared in the benefits of learn directly from Traditional the mining operations occurring Owners and experience life on their lands offered me rare in regional Australia combine insight into a difficult area of to make the internship truly the law. Whilst the corporation unique. Thanks to the generosity worked tirelessly to negotiate of my supervisor and support of the best possible opportunities the placements team, I was able for their members, the loss of to undertake a transformative traditional lands and sites was a experience that will hopefully seemingly inevitable reality the direct my future career goals into Traditional Owner’s continuously some challenging but valuable faced. After heading along to an directions. on-country meeting to observe land negotiations, the disparity I encourage all law students between Aboriginal and non- looking for a distinctive Aboriginal understandings of experience that teaches far more land became obvious. The native than core legal skills to apply for title system’s requirement for an internship with the Aurora Aboriginal claimants to frame Project. The next time you catch deep-seated connections to land a flight and look down at the in terms of formal property rights endless land below, you’ll have a proved a considerable tension lot more to think about than the in the system that needed to in-flight meal.  be overcome. The experience thus offered me the chance to be involved in work that felt More information on Aurora meaningful whilst also exposing Native Title Internships can me to the difficult realities be found on their website at www.auroraproject.com.au. Over the next few weeks the inherent in the system. initial isolation and vastness of the Pilbara started to dissolve; as locals welcomed me in, work colleagues became friends and I became a member of the community. I soon found myself speeding along the highway with my supervisor into work, watching the iron ore trains haul Australia’s economy past us every morning. Before long I was working away on a number of diverse and challenging tasks. From day one I was accepted as part of the small but enthusiastic team, being given a high-level of autonomy to complete my projects. My work was as varied as preparing a social media 15

Polar bears are left-han ded. How scientists m ade this discovery puzzles many scholars, but here at th e Hilarian we’re adamant that the data collected in the grea t Polar Bear Census of ’98 was key. Many a brave scien tis t was unassumingly clawed to de ath that year, but we’re de eply grateful for the informati on the collected. We also th ink it’s fair to assume those cla ws that performed the de ed most adeptly were all fo und on the bears’ left pa ws.

Google, to According re Australians typed in ”Whe es is Perth” so many tim t os m e that it became th searched “Where is…..” question in Australia during 2013. Seriously?

Ever wondered what the right way to hang your to ilet paper is? Turns out th out of four people hang at three their toilet paper with th e flap in front of the roll ra behind it. Yeah, the $100 th er than ,000 US that funded that study was money well sp ent.

Everyone loves a good read on the toilet, so why not let the Hilarian entertain you as you drain the strain that everyday digestive habits place on the body.

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A 22-pound housecat in Portland, Oregon manag ed to trap a family along wi th their dog inside the fam ily bedroom on the 10th of March, 2014. The bla ck and-white Himalayan ca t scratched a 7-month-o ld child and after being kic ked in retaliation chased the family into a room. At this point ,the cat sto od guard and according to 911 operators starte d screeching loudly, preven ting the family from exitin g the room. Police atten ded the scene prompt ly and apprehended the ca t. As we go to print, we do not have any details about the fate of the ca t.

The Titanic cost 7 million dollars to construct. Th e movie on the other ha nd cost 200 million do lla rs to make. Perhaps the shoddy workmanship an d not the iceberg was to blame for its sinkin g. 17

Whet your intellectual appetite with this Crossworld featuring banter from all over the planet!

ACROSS 4 Tony Abott revived this title. 6 Last name of a one-legged South African gunman and athlete. 7 Outgoing Governor-General’s last name. 9 Last name of the leader of the Australian Labor Party. 10 The state of being stuffed with food. 12 The world’s happiest animal. 13 Tony Abbott’s real first name. 18

DOWN 1 Last name of the Executive Chairman of Hancock Prospecting Ltd. 2 This city’s zoo recently killed a giraffe and four lions. 3 Last name of former Federal Assistant Treasurer fronting an ICAC enquiry. 5 Largest container shipping company in the world by revenue. 8 The Editor’s favourite animal. 11 Russian and now Crimean President.

Prove yourself as the grand master of law and literacy in this Find-a-Wordplay by finding all ten crude loosely legally-based inuendos!

Will you be the one to prove your keen eye by finding five differences between the two photos in this Spots the Difference?

Dubious life advice from our favourite agony aunt, Alice.

Dear Aunty Alice, I’ve just started studying law this year and it’s overwhelming! It’s impossible to do all the readings they set and I’ve had to start seeing a physio because my pale and spindly limbs can’t deal with the weight of all these textbooks. Everyone says student life is a party, but I don’t feel that way at all. Am I doing something wrong? Please help! Stressed and Sober, First Year.

Are you doing something wrong? Oh S&S, yes, yes you are. Some might say it’s your own fault for being 2) Develop alcoholism. a law student (“but surely it’ll look better than arts If you think wearing business wear during on my CV!” you cry, attempting to postpone the the day, drinking too many cold-pouredinevitability of life at the same time as appeasing single-origin-monkey-semen coffees, and your never-quite-proud-enough father figure), but using wanky latin phrases inappropriately in we’re both in this mess together, so let me pass casual conversation makes you a law student, on some of the wisdom of my many years roaming you would be wrong. Those are just optional Ligertwood: extras; what lies at the heart of the law student can also be found in the liver. That is, bottom 1) Readings are a serving suggestion only. dollar gin. Drink it down and let Donoghue v Don’t be that guy. I can picture you now, at 2am Stevenson fade into blissful oblivion. on a Sunday, high as a kite off those discount highlighters you got at unibooks, diligently 3) Get seedy. You are clearly an upper-middle class, white circling frankly nonsensical paragraphs of the law student (probably in a padded vest) if you brand new $589 textbook you were stupid can pay for the privilege of going to the physio enough to actually buy, thinking you’re required the rest of us stick with a strict medical regime to have ‘well-reasoned’ and ‘thoughtful’ points of intoxicated, soulless one night stands on to bring up at your morning class. Fool! Just do soiled IKEA mattresses to iron out the kinks what everyone else does: sleep during lectures, in our gammy backs. First years, take note: do “which Kylie Are You?” quizzes during tutes, sleeping your way to a second year’s colourand then lie, cheat, steal or kill your way to a coordinated Foundations of Law notes is set of notes off the class nerd two weeks’ out from exams. Done. 20

meerkats

pages of the Hilarian with no meerkats

Wingdings

any non-dingbats font

Auntie Alice’s vitriol

formatting

The Careers Fair

not having a career

the table tennis table in the law lounge

the fact that no one uses the table tennis table in the law lounge

Early minutes

8:00am lectures

Marg Castles’ Powerpoint illustrations

any purely text-based Powerpoint

cheap Asian food

Asian food that’s a bit too cheap

Mad March

the end of Mad March

newlydivorceddating.com, loveranger.com, doglover.com

any and all other forms of internet dating

not something to be ashamed of, but is in fact a pragmatic life choice as well as an insightful look into your future success in defence law. Well done.

daddy’s got you covered. If you’re the second, aim low: you need to calm the fuck down. And if you’re the third, aim low: you probs won’t get that job anyway, it was already given to the first guy.

4) Aspirations are overrated. You probably fall into one of three classes of So there you have it. You made a poor choice and law students: the private school kid with that it’s now too late to transfer to psych. Make the strangely tinny accents that no doubt came most of it and go have a drink. See you at Unibar.  from losing a silver spoon down the back of their throat at birth, who tell you about their summer internships at daddy’s firm and the ‘such fun!’ they had on the 49th hole of the Got a question fo r Auntie Alice? company golf course with all twelve partners Got something last week; the brown-nosing workaholic who you rate or som ehas their exam notes professionally bound thing you hate? and introduces themselves with a clammy Want to make a handshake and a breakdown of their year submsission? twelve results; and the one that was too Get in contact a scared to do social sciences because of ‘you t hilarian.klap@gm know, job prospects and shit’ who has now ail.com, or hit us up on our face shot themselves in the face with even less book, The Hilarjob prospects. If you’re the first one, aim low: 21

After finishing Yr 12 feeling like the king of the world, Amos Washington now attempts to find his feet at the bottom of the university food chain.

When asked to write an article about my first few weeks as a law student, I noted that basically nothing has gone right. Like, at all. I came into this degree with a woo-yay-forAmos-I’m-a-cool-kid-now-big-man-on-campus attitude, which sharply declined to more of a crap-this-is-different-to-school-helpplz-need-caffeine-shit-fuck sort of feeling. The following lists my misadventures in the first few weeks of university. Please enjoy and laugh at the sufferings of a first year law student: • Bought locker on first day, thought I was being rad and organised. Locker located on Level 6, Union House. The Union House guy said this was a super convenient place, when in fact it is nowhere near anywhere. Except the rainbow room and the Islamic prayer room. Which will come in handy if I become a queer Muslim.

Amos and friends enthusiastically stock up on uni supplies.

• Locked myself out of my locker and had to get the guy at the Union offices to break my oneday-old lock with bolt cutters. Subsequently purchased new lock. Received quizzical

Feeling small and low, I pondered within myself and asked: Why am I doing law? — a question I’m sure that many have asked before me. After a couple of minutes of soul-searching I realised that, fundamentally, it was because I wanted to gain skills that can help others. Despite the ‘negative vibe’ surrounding the law profession,* I think a law degree can provide you with many opportunities to assist the marginalised and desperate. Merely having the opportunity to study law means that none of us have to be insignificant. I’m in my first year out of five-and-a-half, but I can’t wait to see what else my degree has in store for me. I might have tripped up a couple of times in my first few weeks, but I hauled myself to my feet again, made the trek back and forth from my locker Nicola Moore and Amos Washington on First Year: excited, but also vaguely alarmed.

“haven’t I seen you before?” expression from post office lady. Purchased cheapest replacement available. Not confident in quality of said replacement. If you are wanting to engage in casual thievery on Level 6 of Union House, basically anything in that locker is yours for the taking. • Made the untimely mistake of purchasing cappuccino from Union House vending machine. Tragedy and non-dairy creamer ensued. Will remember to go to Bar 9 at David Jones next time. Will arrive at Bar 9 at David Jones and see price list. Will return to vending machine in defeat, and slowly accept five more years of beverages that taste of battery acid.

Merely to have the opportunity to study law means that none of us have to be insignificant.

• Bought ramen noodles only to find the boiling water tap in the hub wasn’t working. Actually was working. Failed to observe child lock. • Turned up flustered and sweaty to all of my classes after running from Scott to Ligertwood to Flentje to Union House to Bar 9 then back to Union House then back to Ligertwood. Heaving myself across the hideous Law School courtyard, I could feel the second and third years relishing the sight of human suffering. Shame on you all.

a few hundred more times, and now I’m fighting fit. So, props for law, and props for all you guys for sticking with it. I look forward to running into you all throughout the next five years in Law School – Feel free to bond with me over ramen and vending machine coffee.

Needless to say, at the end of my second week at uni I felt like nothing was working right. I was merely * A friend recently told me a joke. Q: What happens to lawyers when they take Viagra? A. They grow taller. Lolz. existing. I could not have been more insignificant. 23

Happy snaps from the AULSS Opening Party 2014