The Hilarian, Edition 3 2014 by Hilarian

The Hilarian Edition 3, 2014 Published 22 September 2014 Editor-in-Chief Deputy Editor Cover Art

Tilde Wiese Aditya Shivam Tilde Wiese

Contributors

Hugh Brown Kieran Cash Eleanor Kay Emily Taliangis

Major Sponsor

Lipman Karas

General Sponsors

Allens Clayton Utz

This publication does not represent the views of the Adelaide University Law School. This publication is not endorsed by the Adelaide University Law School or the University of Adelaide generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the Adelaide University Law Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Society.

A Letter from the Editor

Hindsight: AULSS Reports

Tony’s Travel Agency

Donate Your Old Textbooks. Build a School in Africa.

Tips to Impress Your Exam Marker

France: Equal Parts Bureaucracy and Cheese

School’s Out

New Year, New Eds.

Puzzle Me This

You Can’t Run From the Law

Dearest readership, Welcome, once again, to the homely folds of The Hilarian. We do so love your visits to our printbased lair! Tell us, what have you been up to? How is exam prep going? Did anything ever end up happening with you and that charming boy from the unlikely and somewhat suspicious drinking venue? No? Shame. Ah well, there are plenty more fish in the sea. God knows that you spend enough time in suspicious venues to find a plentiful store of alternatives! Don’t worry, we’re not judging. Quite to the contrary, we love the stories of your filth and debauchery! If only you would tell us them more frequently. For our part, we’ve been up to a huge amount. Well, mainly complaining about all the work that we’ve got to do before the end of the term and then proceeding not to do any of it, really, but hey, that puts a lot of strain on a person! Aditya is investing a lot of time in his hair at the moment.

Soon, he hopes to have it tall enough that he can install a periscope in there and look over people’s fences as he walks along the street to see if they’re doing anything naughty in their yards. Personally, I’ve been putting a lot of time into my caper farm, alongside a bit of casual carpentry. Capers are such an underrated berry; nothing quite matches their salty zing. My dream is to one day eat them by the handful as sit in a room filled entirely with hand-crafted wooden furniture of my very own fashioning – all the while being fanned with a palm frond by a tall and handsome barefoot man in chainmail speedos who is at my beck and call every hour of the day. His wages will be paid from my overflowing vaults of gold, endlessly charged with the everexpanding wealth of a caper baron. Soon I’ll have a lot of spare time to designate to my caper/carpentry-based dreams (caperntry, if you will), because, though it pains me to say it,

In a horrendous display of speciesism, the staff of Cibo’s Hutt St refused to admit Daisy, The Hilarian’s Creative Director, on the occassion on which the remainder of the Editorial team took the series of rollicking good times shots you see below. Nevertheless, she is pictured here in recognition of her contribution to the magazine throughout the course of the year.

my roguish sub-continental friend and I are leaving you. That’s right – sorry to up and break your hearts like this, but at the end of the year we shall be graduating from this great institute and moving into the real world, which also means handing over the reigns of this delightful publication to a dashing young squadron of new editors. Don’t worry though – they’re big on giggles (you can even check them out yourselves on page 19). Filling the remainder of the pages of this Hilarian Holiday Special, you can look back on the year that has been at the AULSS, pick up tips on what to do with your old textbooks, learn some pretty handy tricks to impress your exam markers, and be properly counselled on how not to waste the holidays that follow them. If you’re off on a Eurotrip for the break, disillusion yourself now about the great nation of France with a taste of the torturous bureaucracy that will plague your stay there. Or, if

you’ve not quite locked in any plans yet, check out the entertaining but more than vaguely offensive cultural tours on offer at Tony’s Travel Agency. Appetite whet? Hopefully, because now it’s time to dive in for the very last time for 2014. Although text alignment and dodgy design work really wore us down at times, we came through it in the end and we’re proud as punch with the mags that we’ve served up this year. We hope you’ve enjoyed coming along for the ride that has been The Hilarian 2014, and who knows, maybe we’ll catch up again sometime soon.* With lingering hugs, Tilde (and Aditya) *Probably not though, our relationship has been pretty strongly confined to print media up until this point, and I don’t feel like that’s likely to change at any point in the foreseeable future.

The AULSS Executive Committee reflect on the year’s shenanigans and achievements. put up with my overwhelming amount of emails, continuous demands and bad attempts at humour. And made 2014 an incredibly enjoyable year. Meg and the 2015 Committee, good luck! Ligertwood Palace is all yours!

Priya Pavri, President The time has finally come to take off the crown and pass the AULSS sceptre on. While this year has been jam packed with new guides, an influx of career’s information sessions, more hoodies and the return of Quiz Night, nobody was like, Crystal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece, jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash – though at Law Ball we might have seen gold teeth, Grey Goose, tripping in the bathroom, bloodstains, ball gowns and trashing the hotel room. The AULSS has grown, and so have our events. We’ve hosted an ALSA Conference, distributed more careers guides then ever before and survived Ticket Gate 2014. We’ve jumped into the 21st century with hashtags and a new website, and made solid improvements to our Facebook puns and memes (you’re welcome!). We’ve hosted tea parties, dragged you out of bed for SJ breakfasts and “run from the law” for our beloved Tristan Jepson Foundation… all while dodging the wrath of Three Law School Deans. Ooh ooh oh ooh We’re better than we’ve ever dreamed And I’m in love with being queen I’ve had the royal privilege of working with some incredible, clever and passionate people. AULSS 2014 Executive and Committee I thank you. You’ve 4

Ed Gainer, Administration 2014 has been another rollicking good year at the AULSS and we hope you all enjoyed it! Whether you overdid it at Law Ball, rolled out of bed for a Social Justice Breakfast, became a champion mooter or raised your beer stein at our Deutsch themed Quiz Night, I trust you enjoyed your AULSS experience. Thanks to Frank Underwood and House of Cards, 2014 marked the first time that being VicePresident became cool. In reality, I can’t say that writing cheques and settling the minutes is as exciting as organising Law Ball, but it’s always an honour to work with law students and help make the plethora of events and activities the AULSS runs possible. For me, personally, this marks the end of a law degree and four years as an AULSS committee member. In that time the AULSS has grown, our events are bigger than ever and there are simply more initiatives underway than I can list here. A parting piece of advice would be to encourage you all to get involved. Memories of that pub crawl, or City to Bay run or day at the Oakbank races last a

long longer and mean a lot more than good grades or a comprehensive understanding of whatever it is we learnt in Equity. Working with the members of the AULSS has undoubtedly been a highlight of my law school experience! I congratulate Priya Pavri and the 2014 AULSS team on their tireless work and unwavering spirit. Next year your AULSS is in great hands and I wish Meg Lowe and her team all the best for 2015. Until next time… good luck and see you at the Bar!

Annie McNeil, Careers and Sponsorship The C&S team kicked off the year by kindly asking (begging) firms in SA and around the country to provide the AULSS with sponsorship. This process is an important part of our job – without support we are unable to run events for you, our everenthusiastic law student body! Much to our delight, these firms obligingly handed over some moolah and went on their merry ways… little did they know that I would soon be flooding their inboxes on an almost stalker-like basis for the remainder of the year. The AULSS are extremely thankful to all firms and organisations that provided us with sponsorship this year; without their support we would not be able to implement our various initiatives. With money in the bank, the C&S posse looked to the organisation of the AULSS Careers Fair. With job prospects looking rather grim, we thought long and hard about how we were going to get students through the doors of Bonython Hall. The solution was easy: overhauling the content and layout of the Careers Guide to make it the best guide ever produced by the AULSS. And so that we did. Both the Fair and the Guide were great successes. Our caterers even got a shout out in the feedback provided by the Careers Fair exhibitors...now that’s high praise! Other events for the year included GDLP information sessions and the NextSteps Seminar Series run in conjunction with the Adelaide Law

School. Apart from the free food and drink that became part and parcel of these events, the AULSS hope that these sessions were beneficial to those students who attended. I would like to thank my team for all their hard work this year and to you, the student body for supporting our initiatives. Without you I’d practically be a loner at these events! Best of luck to Taylor Rundell as incoming Vice-President (Careers and Sponsorship).

Taylor Rundell, Education What a year for the Education portfolio! Under the careful eye of Steph Kolaczkos and Miranda Van Heuven, the AULSS published its first ever “First Year Survival Guide” – covering all the essential information for new law students, from describing the proper pronunciation of “clerkship” to introducing the dreaded “MIRAT” approach to solving problem questions. We were there to greet students at O-Week and at Law School Induction Day with cupcakes, ALSA showbags, and smiling faces before the souls were drained from the youngest among us. This was built upon in our “Surviving Law and Beyond Law” seminar, where, through the gratuitous use of memes, we gave interested students a kick-start in getting their law degree off the ground. Not everything was serious though – we held a great First Year Networking event at the Archer just before First Year Rep elections. In a heated contest, Thomas Blokland and Soraya Pradhan took on the role of representing the interests of their peers to the AULSS. After the whirlwind first semester, I stepped into the position of Education Directer, and I certainly had big shoes to fill. I’ve been advocating the interests of law students regarding the Law School’s new exam script viewing policy and attended the Australian Law Students’ Association Council to learn what other LSSes do for their students and what we can do about what

we euphemistically call the “careers expectation gap”. To close out the semester we are holding our last education seminar on exam preparation on October 28 at 4pm – check our Facebook page for the details. I’m looking forward to serving the AULSS for my fifth and final year at law school next year!

Ashleigh Jones, Competitions The AULSS Competitions season in 2014 has seen a smorgasbord of delightful and delectable legal problems targetted at improving student’s skills in negotiation, interviewing, oral advocacy, and general legal bad-assery. First semester saw many first-time as well as seasoned competitors negotiate interests, interview clients, examine witnesses, and moot to their hearts’ content. Although the problems faced were sometimes outrageous (what even is cowtipping?) and the witnesses examined sometimes hostile, our competitors navigated the rounds with the poise and grace expected of promising young lawyers, yet to meet the harsh realities of life outside Ligertwood. The second semester of competitions saw eighty brave and courageous competitors enter the moot arena and argue it out for the titles of novice and first year moot champion. The first-year mooters had to pilot their way through a minefield of torts and contract questions to make it to the final round, while the novice mooters delved into the depth of criminal, constitutional and tort law before the winner prevailed. Over the months of competition the previously inexperienced mooters worked on their skills and honed their ‘I’m a big important lawyer’ voice and impressed all of our student, and non-student judges alike. Of course, while the competitors were busy preparing and competing, the Competitions Team were also very hard at work picking out which business suit looks best on a Wednesday night, and playing ping pong between rounds. 6

their thanks to the many student judges, and lawyers from various firms around the city who dedicated their time and energy to listening, asking tough questions and scaring the bejesus out of our competitors this past year. We also wish to thank all of the competitors who committed their time, energy and enthusiasm to all of the competitions this year and we hope to see you all back again next year!

Ally Lontos, Social Justice There are many things that go together naturally… salt and pepper, coffee and assignments, Adelaide Law School and Social Justice. Okay, so maybe not so much that last one. However, I’m a valiant believer that you can make almost anything work if you try hard enough and that has been what I’ve dedicated myself to as the Director of the AULSS Social Justice Team this year. It has been a privilege for the Social Justice team to work to make a change in the Law School in 2014 by focusing on enhancing student wellbeing and promoting social justice within our local community. We have put on the first AULSS volunteering partnership initiative which we hope will be continued in future, the first free student wellbeing events (sadly, I will now always associate the joy of free T2 tea with the Ligertwood foyer) and more. We have had the largest AULSS ‘Walk For Justice’ and ‘City To Bay’ teams of any year thus far. We have had the most renowned human rights lawyers in South Australia speak at our Social Justice Breakfasts. We have helped raise over $3000 for various charitable organisations within the legal community.

I had actually never realised all this until right now as I hastily write this to submit for the next wonderful Hilarian magazine edition… seems like a good enough excuse to organise drinks with my team tonight! The most honourable of mentions The AULSS Competitions Team wishes to extend must go to the exceptional and still-sexy-even-in-

work-out-gear (see photo if you don’t believe me) organising the SALSC team, which is never an easy Thomas Wooden and Eleanor Kay. We hope you task. felt cared for in the law school this year, thank you We hope you all enjoyed the events this year! to everyone who supported our events. We’ve had a grand time putting them on! Stay classy (and socially just), Adelaide!

Fraser Andrews, Activities The Activities Team has loved bringing you all the social events on the AULSS calendar this year. The season started off to a flyer with Sue Me, many tore up Distill with form we would come to expect from them throughout the year. We all had a very royal time at the pub crawl through North Adelaide in June. A particularly sterling effort from law school personality Taylor Rundell for his now famous t shirt design.

Daisy Moo, The Hilarian Creative Director My team and I have had a hoot putting together The Hilarian for you every month term semester so often this year. As I brainstorm for each issue, I make a real point of making my way around the field and engaging as many of my peers as possible in order to try and make this an accessible and entertaining publication for all. Allen the Crossword Duck was Of course, to cap off the semester we had the absolutely stoked to get in the last issue! Hasn’t biggest event of the calendar and indeed the stopped quacking on about it since it came out. biggest one of its kind in the southern hemisphere, Sometimes people say to me, “hey Daisy, what do the IwannaLawBall, we mean #aulsslawball14. you know about Creative Direction? Don’t you just The Apple store saw a surge in business, after law stand around all day, munching on grass?” And students everywhere threw macs against the wall to that I say, “woah. That’s offensive, mate.” But violently in frustration, attempting to purchase that however rude Phar Lap and those other neighelusive ticket. In all seriousness, the Activities Team sayers over in the next paddock might be, I’ve got and the rest of the committee worked tirelessly to a lot of deep thoughts running through my mind bring you the Law Ball and we were just as annoyed as I digest that chlorophyll-rich, fibrous snack, and as you were! It turned out to be a fantastic night I’m pretty sure that the students at Adelaide Law and most of you made it to the end in one piece. School want to read about them. In the words of one well known, perhaps notorious law student, who will remain anonymous, “Law I’d like to give a shout out to my team, Tilde and Ball is like Christmas”. Aditya, who’ve been a massive help getting words on the page. People often don’t understand what a To kick off the second semester we were burden hoofs are for a cow that’s into publishing — Wilkommened back with the German themed computer keys are just so tiny and the mousepad quiz night. Joel Grieger entertained us all with his only registers your movements if whatever limb outstanding quiz master skills. After the quiz night, you’re dexterously manipulating in an attempt to sticking with the German theme, we all invaded use it is the temperature of a human finger. It’s Distill in our costumes when they least expected it. hard out here being bovine, but with a bit of hard The Law Dinner was another terrific success. Penny work we’ve managed to get The Hilarian here to Evans, our SALSC convener did a wonderful job of the finish line for your reading pleasure. 

If you haven’t noticed by now, summer is around the corner and there’s only one thing on everybody’s mind: holidays. But if you haven’t quite finalised your arrangements yet, don’t worry! We here at Tony’s Travels have some excellent packages to kick-start your planning.

Nauru Cultural Exchange Program Ever wanted to flee your country for another only to be surprised upon arrival and taken to an island getaway? No? Well then, this is the program for you. The first leg of this trip sees you travelling across the open sea, in an orange lifeboat – because nothing says “we like to party” quite like copious days singing ‘I’m on a Boat’ whilst on the high seas – to the tiny island of Nauru.

Renowned for its great camping facilities, picturesque Nauru has much to offer. Soaring heat and raging humidity will ensure that you come back with that killer tan that you’ve always wanted and a summer bod to boot. What about tour guides? Never fear, our friendly and experienced ex-militant “G-Force” guides will ensure that you know the ins and outs of the island and will get you integrated within the community (you know what they say: “Ain’t no thang like a G-force thang”). Who knows, you may even get a call up the next time a riot breaks out at the detention centre! If this isn’t enough, you’ll be in the running to be one of the lucky four or five that get selected for a free trip to Cambodia – a nation renowned for its “impressive” human rights record. You’ll have a one in five chance of actively involving yourself in the lives of those who live below the line and making a meaningful difference in their children’s futures by sporadically teaching them for four weeks at a time to ensure that

they have an inconsistent learning environment guaranteed to foster long-term success. Fancy a bit of shopping? Try out their surrogacy centres – but you’ll have to get in quick as loopholes are nearly sealed! Such Culture. Much Reward. Contact: Scott Morrison

and David with a glass of cement to re-grow their spines and their morality at the same time. Go Julie! What a minx. Contact: Julie Bishop Inclusions: Selfie with Vlad and his daughters.

Inclusions: Khmer language emersion course, Great Scott prior to re-settlement the journey of a lifetime to Braveheart may not be on Tony’s Top 10 Movies of Cambodia. All Time list, but we can assure you that Australians love the strong independent nature of Scotland. Experienced tour guide Russell is sure to give you the experience of a lifetime, taking you through the streets of Scotland and then to London with help from our friends at NAB who are more than happy to move people and foreign subsidiary banks across the border in times of impending independence. Great success. Contact: Andrew Thorburn

And many more! We have several more tours in store including Fancy judo, ice hockey or riding horseback through “Clive’s Chinese Experience” package provided the Russian country- side? Annex yourself from by our long-time travel partners PUP. A tour run the pack and get into some adrenalin rushing by the one and only Jacqui Lambie, an expert in action. Needless to say, Australia’s recent trade human capital mobility, or as she likes to put it, embargoes have done nothing but build positive invasions. Word has it she’s looking for a partner, relations between the two countries and safety is so who knows – you may even come back married, but only if you’re rich and well endowed. Jacqui all but guaranteed. please! All this and more in store.  Our tour guide, Vlad, will be happy to take you on a tour of Russia’s impressive gas pipelines, but only on the condition that you refrain from shirtfronting him in public – he gets quite touchy about such things.

“Put-in”g the Ho in Holidays

Traveller’s experiences: Past Tony travelers, Angela and David, were left spineless after they tripped over Moral High-Ground Street on their tour of a particular part of pipeline between Ukraine and Russia, which we’ve been assured will not happened again. It’s alright though, Julie, our On-the-Ground Support Officer, was there to pick up the pieces and swiftly provide both Angela 9

Hugh Brown shows you how to do away with your textbooks and brush off your privileged first-world guilt all in one flutter of philanthropic do-goodism.

Let’s face it – publishers of law textbooks have a pretty difficult job.

purchased the 4th edition of Australian Property Law: Cases & Materials, aren’t you! And don’t say Each and every year, these guys have to come you can just use the internet – it doesn’t exist. It’s up with new and exciting ways to ensure the a myth… Trust me. would-be lawyers of Law School continue to So it seems that first hand textbooks are here to line up during O’Week and buy their brand new stay. But with this comes an entirely new kind of editions. Over the years, we’ve seen a number of beast – enormous stockpiles of used textbooks innovations in the textbook space that have really (see, for example, The Student Co-op). This excess revolutionised the industry. In 2001, for example, waste is quite literally threatening the earth’s there was the introduction of ‘bundling’, whereby climate. Don’t believe me? Consider this: the additional instructional materials such as CD- environmental law textbook alone is contributing ROMs and workbooks were included at ‘no extra 4% to global deforestation each year. With the charge’. Bundling, of course, took studying law to resulting increase in green house gas emissions, a whole new level. No longer did we have to suffer immediate effects include increased rainfall and through the days of buying our Australian Public the spread of tropical disease, not to mention Law textbook without a pocket edition of the localised disasters like the melting of permafrost Australian Constitution and a spiral bound version in areas of Siberia, which may very well lead to the of the Australian Guide to Legal Citation! And who cracking of oil pipes, along with untold damage to could forget 2005, with the iconic introduction of flora and fauna! Who’s ethical now? Or did you ‘chapter rearrangement’. The utility of any page or forget your ethics textbook? chapter reference became obsolete overnight. But fear not dear reader, for I have the solution. But it seems today that the pace of innovation is slowing and the excuses for not going digital are wearing thin. However, there is still one thing – an ace in the hole – keeping it all together for legal academics. Fresh decisions. This seems to be the elixir of eternal profits, and the guys over at Thomson Reuters and LexisNexis are cashing in big time.

While textbooks do provide an entertaining read, they also conveniently make for fantastic and versatile building material. This is why I am proud to announce an exclusive LSS initiative, ‘Donate your old textbooks. Build a school in Africa’. From our estimates, only 750 textbooks are needed to build a rudimentary teaching room with desks and tables. This means that if just 5% of Australia’s Now before you label me a cynic, I’m here to tell law students donate one book each, we will you this: the publishers are right. You need to buy have enough material to build two schools, with these textbooks, each and every year. What are you capacity to teach 72 new students every year. With going to do if, say, in 20 years time, a case comes your donation, we can deliver education to those before you, and you suddenly need to refer back to who need it most, albeit not in its intended form. the minority judgment in Akiba v Queensland (No Remember, if knowledge is power, then your 2) on native title in territorial waters and property 2013 edition of Blackshield & Williams Australian for trading purposes? You’re going to wish you Constitutional Law & Theory is the first brick. 

Worried about your upcoming exams? Starting to think that maybe you should have done a few of those readings? Dreading the thought of writing your own notes, but distrustful of the acquaintance that gave you his old ones? Well, I’m not sure about those first couple of questions, but the answer to that last one should be a definite yes - I saw that guy’s snigger as you walked away holding onto the notes he palmed off, and he looks like he’s up to no good. Never fear! Daisy and her farmyard pals have been in your position before, and they’re here to offer up their top tips and how to make it through exams with flying colours.* Sir Francis Bacon’s top tip: “The key is to show your knowledge. ALL your knowledge.” You think that just because this is a Torts exam all you should talk about is negligence? Oh, how adorably naive! Well, sure, you could just talk about negligence - if you want to do what all four hundred other students in your class are doing! Or, you could stand out from the crowd and impress your marker by demonstrating your indepth understanding of privity, and why not through a few references to the Evidence Act in there as well? Hell, you might even want to embark on a thoroughly reasoned essay contemplating whether or not SA should go ahead and adopt the Uniform Legilsation or whether we’re better off sticking to our own act. The point is, don’t assume that just because your problem question seems to be exclusively about negligence, that’s all they want you to talk about. An examiner will always be impressed by your extensive comprehension of various fields, and will award your grades accordingly. Allen the Crossword Duck’s top tip: “Make your answer interesting.” Exam markers get bored reading the same thing over and over again. It’s like reading textbooks, but worse, because they are all in shocking handwriting and frequently don’t make sense - and where they do, they’re just repeating something the marker already knows anyway. I prefer to make the experience of marking my exam exciting for the marker by presenting it in the form of a puzzle. Crossword, jigsaw, wordfind - you name it! Anything to offer some sweet relief from the monotony of those bland papers your peers are writing. 12

Dolly Jr’s top tip: “No one ever got anywhere in life without a little charm.” How do you think David Caruso got to where he is today? Sure, he’s conventionally “accomplished” in his field, but could such a man have risen to such heights without first casing the venues in which he was to attend job interviews or networking events in order to assess which spots the light would hit at just the right angle to highlight his chiselled features? Could such a man have risen to such heights without the occasional well-timed bat of the eyelids, the rare flash of an Armani cufflink, and years of vocal couching in order to ensure his voice plays back on a lecture download at just the pitch that will put a baby dolphin into a restful and pleasantly dream-filled sleep? I think not! “But Dolly Jr,” you may say, “this is an exam! I can slowblink and eyelash-bat all I want, but no one is going to see me except the senior in sneens who has taken his day off from volunteering at the Bowling Club to come and invigilate the exam!” I see your point, but luckily there is a simple way around this. Firstly, charm is not only in how you look; for the most part, it is in what you say. Every now and then, throw a casually flirtatious remark into your exam. If you’re not confident in seguing from your problem question into a double entendre though, your best bet is to take along a few headshots. Leave a few minutes at the end of the exam to find the pages that you think are the worst. You should staple your headshots to these pages. Or, if you’re ugly or want to go with a safer option that will appeal to a wider audience, do the same thing but with pictures of cute baby animals instead of headshots. Works every time.

The Colonel’s top tip: “It’s all about making it personal, being creative. It’s about dishing up your own secret recipe.” The worst thing about marking law exams is that everyone refers to the same old boring laws. Somewhere in history, we’ve all got trapped by this notion that we all have to follow the same rules and regulations. But what if you were to challenge that notion? For your criminal law exam, why don’t you come up with a new system of criminal law? And I don’t just mean a simplified code à la our North Eastern friends, I mean new laws entirely. Why not redesign society completely? You could make animals in charge of everything! Our farm could be the new centre of government, and we could do away with government as we know it and instead we would all be equal and everyone would have plenty to eat and, well, everything they need, really. We could call it Animal Farm. It would be something entirely new, and it’s sure to go well! Your examiner has no choice but to reward your creativity and social innovation. 

*Daisy and her friends have never been in your position before. They’re freaking farm animals, for god’s sake! They’ve never read a case in their life! And, while you might not have either, my guess is your advice on how to pass an exam is still probably more trustworthy. 13

Kieran Cash offers up a taste of Franceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s far less delicious national icon.

Pictured above: your delirious pipedreams of what the great land of frogsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; legs, fine wines and Gerard Depardieu holds in store for you. Pictured opposite: the copious red tape that will come to define each and your each and every actual experience of the country. 14

It’s not so much a problem as it is a fact of life, like the wind, or breathing. To be confronted by bureaucracy in France is about as French as blue cheese, extramarital affairs, talking dirty to your partner, surrendering, or Daft Punk. General inefficiency is a popular pastime; one has the impression that if something can be made difficult, it most certainly will. Take, for instance, the process of obtaining a simple SD card for a camera at one of France’s leading electronics stores, FNAC, a sort of Harvey Norman-style establishment.

A sort of existentialist wave of doubt and confusion begins to saunter into your thoughts, taking cues from whatever scraps of Camus or Sartre have been left lying around from Year 11/12 English.

let you, in exchange for two of your finest goats, or whatever currency this backward establishment accepts, in the assumption that this whole process does not take your life. Step 3: Payment Presuming they’re not actually on strike, the thug behind the counter will print out a sort of invoice for the item on two large planes of papyrus, which you must then take to a completely separate counter, along with your goats. Livestock in tow, you seek out the appropriate counter and exchange your dowry for another scroll of parchment which permits you to extract the desired purchase from, again, an entirely separate counter. No bother, I wasn’t planning on doing anything with my life this week.

Step 4: Collecting your purchase After an extended sojourn waiting in line at this Step 1: Engaging the employee next counter, you finally pass over the deed for the Like all authentic encounters with French service, precious piece of technology, thus fulfilling your the customer is obliged firstly to humiliate original intention in entering the store, before you themselves, thereby establishing the appropriate find yourself in a re-enactment of Mao’s ‘Long customer-employee relationship that makes the March’. experience so memorable. You begin by standing awkwardly at one of the ‘help’ desks (apparently After a good few minutes of searching out back, one SD cards aren’t given the honour of being available of FNAC’s whores returns with what is indeed an on the shelves) until one of FNAC’s posse finds a SD card, but not the one you had actually asked for moment to molest your time. An employee may when you begun proceedings earlier this month. make eye contact with you from behind their In the knowledge that the process to acquire the computer screen, but don’t be fooled into thinking desired card would most likely involve copies of this is a sign of engagement. It is merely a taunt. your passport and a public referendum, you take The French are flirts in all aspects of life, the dirty whatever you can get, grateful that the whole thing turned out to be one of the more straightforward buggers. encounters with French bureaucracy.  A sort of existentialist wave of doubt and confusion begins to saunter into your thoughts, taking cues from whatever scraps of Camus or Sartre have been left lying around from Year 11/12 English – an ennui that becomes familiar and comforting throughout your time in France, and that strangely, you will miss when you return home to a country that has standards. All the while, the struggle for oracular engagement with the ‘being’ at the counter wages on. Step 2: Making a request Now that their appetite has been suitably whet by your nervous ponderings, they descend upon you, addressing you in a tone that suggests you may have unintentionally defiled the memory of their late mother with your simple “Bonjour”. Your pants jolly well shat, you ask for the SD card that you intend on wrangling from their store, should they 15

Emily Taliangis dishes out her top tips on making the most of the summer break.

In all honesty, it’s somewhat hypocritical of me to give advice when it comes to making the most of your summer break. I’ve spent the past four summers of my student life lolling around the house in my polkadot pyjamas, watching episode after episode of Sex and the City, all the while whinging of boredom. On more than one occasion I recall being so desperately bored that I’ve gone so far as to wish time away, and for Semester 1 to begin. Please, tell me I’m not alone. Through personal experience, I’ve come to realise that summer boredom comes down to our not knowing what to do without the comfort and security of uni’s demanding routine…and isn’t that a sad realisation. That’s where this guide comes in handy. I’ve constructed a little list of things to do when you think you have nothing to do. Once and for all, let’s you and me both make the most of summer’s rare and precious freedom. After all, when else can one drink to the point of oblivion on a weekday… 16

Spend time with friends and family Remember those strange people with whom you used to hang out regularly? With whom you used to watch movies and go to the beach and drink beer and do fun stuff? Well, they still exist, and they probably miss you. You’ve no doubt spent much of this year chained to your desk with the bedroom door closed. If so, then it’s time to allow your forgotten loved ones back into your life. Go on – you’ve got a year’s worth of life to catch up on! Why don’t you organise a road trip? Or throw a Sunday barbeque and share a cold one (or eight)? If you haven’t vomited in your best mate’s backyard by January, you’re not doing it right.

Boycott technology and social media Get off your phone/laptop/iPad/other technological Do something for someone else item. Take off those Google glasses. Seriously. You Don’t get me wrong, you’ve worked hard to earn know those pictures of pretty trees and sunsets this time off so most of your holidays should be and beaches that people post on Instagram? spent selfishly and indulgently. That being said, Well, they’re real life things. Why not step into why don’t you try doing just one little thing for the Great Outdoors and see them for yourself! somebody else during the summer break? Perhaps Take a friend. Try talking to each other face to your neighbour’s lawn needs mowing (not to face instead of using Facebook Messenger. Go to a mention your own). Perhaps your grandmother club/bar/supermarket to meet new people instead needs someone to take her grocery shopping. Or of relying on Tinder. Read a physical newspaper perhaps your little brother wants to play soccer in instead of Buzzfeed or The LAD Bible. Try leaving the park (which, by the way, is a great way to pick your phone at home when you go out for the day. up chicks). No matter how little or big the act, do You may discover that you actually enjoy yourself, something for someone who needs it. You’ve got not to mention life outside in the big bad world. three whole months of freedom – don’t spend it Don’t get me wrong; this one’s hard for me too. all on yourself. My phone is an additional limb, and without it I feel naked, lost and incomplete. So let’s make a Schedule weekly ‘me’ time pact to enjoy real life by boycotting all things social The summer holidays can be hectic. You’re media and technology related. Maybe not all probably rostered on to work crazy hours at your summer…say, two entire days out of each week as retail/hospitality job in the lead up to Christmas a starting point. #cleanliving #matesbeforetinder (shoot me), or perhaps you’re doing a summer law #eatpraylove internship (ew). Not to mention all the end of year parties you’re bound to attend. Phew! You’ve heard De-clutter your life it before but I’m here to remind you: balance is the Now, I’m not exactly a hoarder but I own a whole key to life. Make it your mission these holidays to bunch of stuff that I have absolutely zero use for. achieve balance between work, rest and play. Work Old textbooks, clothes, uni notes and the mouldy and play are no doubt taken care of – it’s the ‘rest’ cast of a once broken leg take up unnecessary part of this important trifecta that most people space in my life. It’s time to de-clutter. As they unknowingly ignore. So be sure to take some time say, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure (I out, at least one hour each week, and make the believe this applies to women too). Step 1: Take most of ‘me’ time. Do something you love, and do out every single item from your wardrobe, drawers it all by yourself. Take a book to the beach, go for and underneath your bed. Step 2: Sort said items a long walk, or listen to music...whatever! Think of into three piles: ‘Keep’, ‘Chuck’ and ‘Donate’. Drop it as modern day meditation. Your mind and body off bags at your local Vinnie’s, hold a garage sale or will thank you for it. (And your liver may too.) organise a clothes swap event with your friends. Step 3: Be ruthless! Trust me, there’s no better

feeling than ridding yourself and your life of useless clutter. Note: This 3 step de-cluttering process also apples to people. When all else fails… Here are some small suggestions for what to do when you (inevitably) reach the final week of your summer break and disover that you haven’t left the couch (you silly potato): 1. step outside the house 2. communicate with a person (any person) 3. eat something other than 2-minute noodles 4. have a shower. I hope this guide is of some use to you. You may ignore all of my suggestions, so long as you make the most of your summer break and do all of the things you wish to do – even if that means laying on the couch and watching Breaking Bad from start to finish. Happy holidays, friends! And please, drink responsibly! You can read more by Emily www.taggletalk.wordpress.com 

Taliangis

Fun new words to use in casual conversation in order to appear more intelligent than you actually are Bumfuzzle (v)

Haptic (adj)

Ebullience (n)

Borborygmus (n)

Confuse; perplex; fluster. Relating to, or based on the sense of touch. e.g. I’ve been going through these Evidence notes, e.g. My haptic senses are all off at the moment, but I just don’t get it. I’m so bumfuzzled! I’ve been so feverish. Bubbling enthusiasm. e.g. You were brimming with ebullience about your advocacy exercise the other day though! I thought that you were all over the Evidence stuff.

Taraddidle (n)

A rumbling or gurgling noise made by the movement of fluid and gas in the intestines. e.g. Oh, you’re feeling sick? Is that why you’re stomach keeps letting off borborygmuses every now and then?

A fib; pretentious nonsense. e.g. Yeah, that was a bit of a taradiddle. The guy I’m up against was within earshot and I really just wanted to psyche him out. Are you feeling cold?

Pessimal (adj)

Algid (adj)

Basorexia (n) A strong or overwhelming desire to kiss. e.g. That’s fine, don’t worry about me. In fact, I’m feeling weirdly basorexic towards you right now.

Chilly; cold. e.g. Yeah, I am. The air-con’s blasting, so it’s no surprise it’s pretty algid in here.

Maximally bad, opposite of optimal. e.g. Uhuh, sorry about that. Hopefully I’ll get better soon, it’s absolutely pessimal.

Like a poor, maladjusted foster child tossed anually between homes, it’s time for The Hilarian to meet its new parents for 2015.

Name: Emily Farrell Degree: 1 st year Law/Media Twitter Handle: @roxy_princess94 Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Challenge: Week 8 (Progress pictures pending) Writing Experience: I was born to an Inuit Tribe in the harsh, wintery sub-zero climates of Greenland. Until the age of 19, when I arrived in Adelaide, the only language I had spoken was my native tongue of Ejalakakoffl. While my grasp of the English language is still developing, my love for the people of Adelaide is strong. Upon my arrival in Adelaide, I was gifted a Girl Tech Password Journal. A place where I could write my deepest, darkest secrets with no fear of exposure? What more could a girl want! A few weeks later, I discovered MySpace when I first dabbled with web… and when my enrolment at UOA demanded I use a MacBook Pro or risk being deemed uncool. It’s quite hard to put into words the blood, sweat and tears that went into writing my biography on the home page. Whilst being a challenging experience, it significantly increased my writing abilities, so I will be forever grateful to Tom and the team at MySpace. More recently, I have become well versed in writing all my thoughts in 140 characters or less. Oh, and hashtags! #I’m #pretty #much #a #hashtag

#generator #now. I think it’s pretty impressive for a girl who didn’t speak English until 8 months ago. Also, I now specialise in writing entire legal essays in Emojis; contact me via Twitter if you would like my assistance. g2g!! I’m running late to meet my friends at a trendy coffee shop on Ebenezer Place!! Love you like XO

Name: Patrick Edwards Degree: 4th Year Law/Media Cheese: Gouda High School: No one cares TER (ATAR): No one cares Writing Experience: I started a travel blog once. My high school teacher was a published novelist, but he only wrote fantasy novels. When I was in Year 8, I insisted that I was going to be a lawyer one day. When I was in Year 10, I was dead-set on being a journalist. Being a coeditor of the Hilarian pretty much ticks both of those boxes so after next year, I’m going to follow my true passion: collecting Tony Lockett memorabilia. I just arrived home from a 3-month half-world tour spanning across Europe and Asia. On the trip I learnt lots about the world and myself, including how I have the money management skills of post-WWI Germany. I’m a volleyball player, coach and referee (yes, men play volleyball, we also go out for cosmos after). For work I’m a ‘Sports and Recreation Manager’ at Campbelltown Leisure Centre, but really I just sell Powerade and host roller-disco birthday parties. We are having a Halloween roller disco, be there or be square. I’m really excited about being one of the four co-editors of the Hilarian next year! It’s a great use of both of my degrees and we have a great team! I am absolutely terrified of ISIS and Ebola and look forward to keeping you up to date with my preparations for the inevitable apocalypse. Occasionally, I have been known to play Devil’s Advocate because I like to challenge ideas and so who is willing to get there hands dirty with some out-of-the-box critical thinking, like, maybe Beyonce and Jay-Z just aren’t meant to be together…. It’s going to be a great year, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22. Name: James D’Alessandro Degree: Bachelor of Laws and Bachelor of International Studies (Second Year) Legal Idol: Judge Judy (and other TV Court Drama show judges) Writing Experience: Ever since I stated to watch Judge Judy at my Nanna’s house in the bitter-sweet time between the end of school and the beginning of a night of terrifying chemistry questions, I knew that my life’s goal would be achieved when I had an my own afternoon TV Court Drama show, which I always thought would be called Judge James. I realised my next step involved becoming one of those annoying people that scream “BATTERY!” when some one hifives them, or makes their friend sign a contract before they borrow something (of course with adequate consideration) – in other words a law student. I’m not sure if it’s just me who does those things but Bernadette Richards taught me back in first year torts that if I want to come into money,

damages in the way of compensation for injury to my person has the best chance of paying off…so always lawyer someone when possible, it might convert into a hefty deposit into your bank account one day. These past few months have been somewhat hard for me – the mental strain of having to decide whether Oscar Pistorious was guilty or innocent really took its toll, but knowing that he’s got to spend some time in jail has helped me overcome recent obstacles. I work at a bank handing out cash left, right and centre, but for some reason having none of my own. I swear the price of textbooks has led me to a life of poverty and 2-minute noodles, hopefully all this is worth it when I become a big shot QC (SC) earning over the tax-free threshold in one day (probs not). Ever since the first week I went into the Law Library after some long and relentless seminar and found a Hilarian, I’ve always wanted to contribute to its greatness, so I’m really excited to be working with a group of awesome (and funny) co-editors. I’m a socialist-liberal-conservative, i.e. I really don’t have too strong of an opinion on anything other than my hatred of Ed Sheeran’s annoying rapping/talking/singing that he does in some of his songs (ugh, don’t get me started). I look forward to lightening up your law-school journey. Name: Elena Zola Degree: 2nd Year Law/Arts Magnum: Ego High School: No one cares TER (ATAR): No one cares Writing Experience: I started my journalism career in primary school, writing ghost stories for K-Zone magazine - generally they involved me and my sidekick, my Asperger’s (though psychic in the stories) poodle, Pepe. They paid me in Goosebumps books and temporary tattoos. My writing career quickly ended when I entered my emo phase in year 8, as most of my stories consisted of My Chemical Romance lyrics. I’ve found a new love for writing through university though and now study creative writing within my arts degree. I sit next to a group of 3 girls who all have bangs, are vegan and refer to themselves as “quirky”. What stereotype? And yes, I am fully aware that both my degrees leave me jobless, eating Twisties and re-watching Big Brother seasons for the rest of my life. “I love Reggie!” I wonder if I’ll ever get so pathetic that whilst watching previous seasons I try and vote for those 2009 contestants and tweet about slapping incidents in Big Brother Up-Late. I don’t know how batteries work. I have this brilliant idea where you combine nursing homes with childcares – the geriatrics are happy, with the brightness of children filling their otherwise boring, ignored lives, and the children are doted on and cared for in return. Unfortunately my parents don’t own a law firm, so I work as a casual for Dillons Music on the parade. I thought I would spend all day drinking black coffee and selling vinyl records, living real life High Fidelity, but really I sell Michael Bublé and listen to old people complain about the Justice Crew. I am super excited to be one of your Hilarian editors for 2015 and I hope after reading this bio you haven’t painfully regretted those ballot preferences. Xoxo Elly, Aussie rock  21

Nothing like a casual stroll along the (18 across).

Not realated to any crossword clue whatsoever.

What you can buy from your (20 across)

This crying baby probably saw a (7 down). Either that or he’s just super over all the Bachelor “news” updates that keep clogging his news feed. It finished a month ago, dammit!

What you can order at a (10 down)

21. 23. Down 1. 2. 3. 5. 6. Across 4. Coffee shop in The Hub 7. 7. Season of heat and holidays 8. 9. Australian chocolate-coated biscuit 11. Round decoration hung on a tree 10. 12. Place where you go to see animals 14. 13. Every second Friday night at Rhino 15. Room 16. Social network where you waste all 16. the time you should be spending studying 17. 18. Covered in sand 19. 20. Professional coffee maker 22.

What you need to prove a crime Australian PM sacked by GG Torturous tests of knowledge Felt in your neck and wrist Period of time that follows exams in which you don’t have to go to uni Power generated from the sun Used for executions in the French Revolution Insect with eight legs She’s like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Place where you go to drink What you fly in Torturous position in a law firm where you are the lowest of the low Unnecessary accessory worn on the wrist to count steps and track sleep Capital of Hungary Capital of Austria Latin dancercise fad

Eleanor Kay tells us about all the fun of the run as Adelaide Law students completed the City to Bay in order to raise money for the Tristan Jepson Foundation. The Adelaide Law students came out in style for the City to Bay Fun Run this year. It was a gorgeous sunny day, Iggy Azalea was blasting over the speakers, the birds were chirping and the Premier was also chirping. There were enough novelty outfits and Lorna Jane fluoro clothing to lull people into a false sense that they were merely attending a large costume party on King William Road rather than waiting nervously for their wave of eager participants to cross the start line. Whether students were running or walking, we were all sporting our t-shirts displaying the hilarious slogan “You Can’t Run From The Law” on the front, and emblazoned on the back were the names of our sponsors Kennedy and Co and the charity we were supporting, The Tristan Jepson Foundation.

Kennedy and Co. This was all in the name of good fun and support for the Tristan Jepson Memorial Foundation. The foundation is an independent charity that works to decrease work-related psychological ill health in the legal community and to promote workplace psychological health and safety. It is incredibly important that foundations like Tristan Jepson are able to carry out their work providing mental health support for the legal community, especially as mental illness is so prevalent in the legal profession. We managed to raise $500 for the Foundation and hope that we helped to promote awareness about the excellent work that it does. With any luck next year’s student team will be even larger and might involve some sneaky backwards running as it is the first year the event is also being held in reverse (Bay – City). There will be no swimming at the bay but perhaps participants will be able to enjoy a lovely dip in the Torrens.

We ran, jogged, walked and hobbled. We stopped for longer than necessary at drink stations, fell over Westpac advertisements scattered along the course and felt like champions overtaking seniors and small children. At the end of the course we were met with a brilliant spread of treats and You can find out more about The Tristan Jepson smiling faces at the tent provided by our sponsor Memorial Foundation at http://www.tjmf.org.au  24