The Hilarian - Final Edition

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MITT ROMNEY A MORMON PRESIDENT ? GIRLS & AFL

FOOTY FEMALES

HLRN Why This Boy Could Be

The Next President of the AULSS By N.E. Juan

A S

LK L I P M A N K A R A S

THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 1 -­‐

L I P M A N

K A R A S

LK L I P M A N K A R A S

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THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 2 -­‐

CONTENTS 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 8. 10. 12. 14. 15. 16. 17. 20. 22. 24. 25.

From the Editors Letters to the Editor Meet the Editors for 2013 Summer Holiday Tips From the President Law Revue Review News of the Week HLRN Person of the Year AFL: Aussie Females Love (It Too) iRant Film Review Song Reviews How To: Justify Your Procrastination Poetry Corner A Public Service Announcement SELT Feedback form

Editors:

Patrick McCaffrie, Will Maitland, Lily Black and James Stewart

Contributors:

Matilda Conlon, Ken Menz, Chris Maitland, James Apps, Tilda Willman, Alexandra Lontos, Sophie Waples

Publisher:

Rainbow Press

This publication does not represent the views of the University of Adelaide Law School. This publication is not endorsed by the University of Adelaide Law School or the University of Adelaide generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the University of Adelaide’s Law Students’ Society. THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 3 -­‐

FROM THE  EDITORS Hilarian  is  now  single.   Â‡ Comment ‡ Like

Breaking  up  is  never  easy,  I  know,  but  we  have  to  go.  Knowing  me,  knowing  you‌we’re  breaking  up  over  the  summer  due  to  the  inevitable  passage  of  time  and  the  academic  structure  of  the  university  year.  But  this  break-­up  has  nothing  to  do  with  you,  really...  trust  us!  It’s  not  you‌it’s  us.  Really.  Actually,  we  aren’t  really  breaking  up.  It’s  more  of  a  â€˜break’  thing  that  modern  couples  do,  right?  We’ll  be  back  together  soon  don’t  worry,  and  while  we  can’t  tell  each  other  about  any  of  the  wild  things  ZH JRW XS WR ZKHQ ZH ZHUH DSDUW LW ZRQÂśW UHĂ€HFW RXU UHODWLRQVKLS WRR PXFKÂŤULJKW" , PHDQ I  know  we  were  kinda  compatible...but  there  just  hasn’t  been  any  chemistry  in  the  last  few  months.  I  feel  like  we’re  looking  for  different  things... Fear  not  dear  readers‌The  Hilarian  will  be  back,  so  don’t  worry  (or  do  worry  if  that  prospect  ¿OOV \RX ZLWK GUHDG DQG WKDW URWWHQ ELOH WDVWH \RX JHW MXVW EHIRUH \RX WKURZ XS %XW KH\ good  things  will  happen  in  the  meantime,  yeah?  I  mean,  you  won’t  have  to  read  anything  written  by  us.  And  we  won’t  have  to  write  anything!  So  really,  everyone’s  a  winner,  right?  So  yes,  while  this  is  technically  the  end  of  our  relationship  for  the  2012  calendar  year  we  will,  like  chlamydia,  be  back  all  too  soon‌   )RU RXU ÂżQDO LQVWDOOPHQW ZH OHDYH \RX ZLWK RXU 7,0( LQVSLUHG LVVXH RI WKH +/51 :H ORRN DW WKH 8 6 SUHVLGHQWLDO FDQGLGDWHV UHYLHZ WKH ZRUOG RI VRQJ ÂżOP DQG WKHDWUH DQG KHDU IURP VHYHUDO LQGLJQDQW PHPEHUV RI WKH SXEOLF ZKR KDYH VHHQ ÂżW WR JHW RQ WKHLU KLJK KRUVH RYHU several  topics  of  the  day.  We  farewell  our  editors  and  introduce  the  new  team  for  2013  and  we  give  you  the  chance  to  send  us  some  feedback  in  the  form  of  Adelaide  University’s  time-­ honoured  tradition:  the  SELT.  Be  Gentle.  So  from  all  of  us  here  at  the  Hilarian,  may  we  wish  you  the  best  of  luck  in  your  exams,  a  Happy  Christmas  and  the  very  best  of  Summers.  THE  HILARIAN  03/2012 -­â€?  4  -­â€?

LETTERS  TO  THE  EDITORS Dear  Peter,

Dear Eds, Like many students I am concerned about how best to perform in my exams. Do you have any tips which would help me exceed my high expectations? Hash Dee Distinction.

It’s  clear  that  you  know  how  to  talk  about  wine  so  we  won’t  challenge  you  on  that  issue.  We  would  point  out  that  you  seem  blind  to  the  EHQHÂżWV RI ZKLWH ZLQH Âą LWÂśV IUXLW\ WDQJ\ DQG oh  so  zesty.  Nothing  says  implied  immunities  doctrine  like  a  soft,  oaky  chardonnay  and  the  apples  and  pears  complexion  of  Shaw  and  Smith’s  sauvignon  blanc  is  the  ideal  partner  to  a  GLVVHUWDWLRQ RQ V *UDQWV <RX GHÂżQLWHO\ VHHP to  have  been  neglecting  your  whites,  Peter! We  don’t  mean  to  whine,

Dear  Hash,

Eds. Â

You  have  an  attention  to  study  which  leaves  editors  distressed.  As  for  tips  for  how  best  to  study,  may  we  suggest  that  you  set  Bernadette  Richards’  lectures  to  every  Phil  Collins’  track.  While  it  might  seem  counter-­intuitive,  trust  us  because  we  (almost)  know  what  we’re  doing.  Eds. Â

Dear Eds, I note that your third issue took some time to see its release. Is there a reason for that? Kindest regards, A. Reader.

Dear Eds,

Dear  A.  Reader

I’m looking to drink wine while I’m studying. At the moment I’ve found that, when looking for an explanation to the corporations power, a humble shiraz seems to do the trick, and while exploring the implied freedom of political communication I’ve been taking on a quick glass of the latest and best Merlot. Do you know of any cheeky new varieties that could help me in my oenological/ constitutional quest? Much love, Peter L Robinson

First,  thank  you  very  much  for  bothering  to  read  our  â€˜magazine’.  I  should  say  that  the  only  reason  that  the  magazine  has  been  a  bit  late  lately  is  that  the  editors  have  had  better  things  to  do  with  their  time.  We  also  assumed  that  you  had  better  things  to  do  with  your  time.  Eds. Keen to see your name in print but unable to think up anything to write? Why not whinge in a letter to our editorial team, they can’t wait to hear what you have to say. Email: hilarian.klap@gmail.com.

THE  HILARIAN  02/2012 -­â€?  5  -­â€?

On the lookout...

A New Breed: Meet the Editors for 2013 A

s this year’s editors of the Hilarian wave goodbye to their adoring public, we provide you with a brief introduction of the new and exciting talent that will soon EH ÀOOLQJ WKH SDJHV that you have grown to know and love. Meet the editors into whose capable hands our beloved and most august magazine will fall next year‌

The Hilarian is delighted to announce that Kylie Minogue will be an editor of the magazine next year. Despite a strong bid by Danni Minogue for the position, we could not overlook Kylie’s credentials. Kylie has promised to bring an increased focus on entertainment and fashion news. Unbeknownst to most, Kylie is well-versed in Japanese. which means that she will be bringing you the latest news from our oriental friends including the latest music and fashion trends and news on exactly how many whales they plan on killing in 2013.

Grimace, the one-time McDonalds mascot has, since losing his job several years ago, been looking for a position and has decided to turn his (I think‌) skills to writing and editing a student magazine. While he may not have any experience with writing or editing, he has been a member of a business which has successful global operations. Grimace will also put his experience living in Ronald McDonald House to use by providing accommodation advice and tips on the rental market.

While Jeffrey Dahmer has an unfortunate record as a serial killer, and a dead person, The Hilarian was more than happy to take him on as an editor for the magazine given his experience as a ‘people-person’, murderer and sex offender. What was XOWLPDWHO\ GHĂ€QLWLYH ZDV WKDW DV D serial killer, he illustrated a conviction and dedication to something which is more than can be said for the editors for this year.

Finally, the Hilarian is thrilled to announce that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is joining the editorial team for 2013. Are his views on the Holocaust controversial? Yes. Is that the sort of thing that could increase readership? Absolutely! While no one likes him, he is undoubtedly good for ratings and for that reason alone we are proud to appoint him an editor for 2013.

THE  HILARIAN  03/2012 -­â€?  6  -­â€?

Summer Holiday Tips Despite  not  getting  out  much  (as  in‌at  all)  Patrick  McCaffrie  gives  you  the  inside  word  on  four  scorching  hot  ways  to  spend  your  summer  holidays‌ 1. Summer School

2. A Clerkship

Don’t  be  fooled  into  thinking  that  a  course  at  summer  school  can’t  be  fun.  It  can  be  a  great  way  to  spend  the  holidays,  especially  as  the  university  takes  the  opportunity  to  run  some  of  the  more  interesting  subjects  which  can’t  be  taken  during  the  regular  university  year.  A  particular  highlight  in  2012  is  the  groundbreaking  new  course  where  students  can  listen  to  Shirley  Bassey  sing  the  constitutional  law  course.  Or  you  might  like  to  try  the  new  â€œCorporate  law  in  your  sleepâ€?  course  where  audio-­tapes  are  used  in  an  attempt  to  passively  absorb  the  corporate  veil  principle. Â

While  this  may  seem  like  a  terrible  way  to  spend  your  summer  holidays,  it  is  in  fact  merely  a  bad  way  to  spend  your  summer  holidays.  Is  a  clerkship  good?  No.  Are  there  things  worse  than  a  clerkship?  Yes.  And  while  many  of  those  â€˜things’  include  human  rights  atrocities  and  a  breach  of  at  least  3  different  United  Nations  Conventions,  that  does  not  necessarily  mean  that  a  clerkship  is  fundamentally  evil.  Sadly  there  is  nothing  you  FDQ GR DERXW LW VR ÂżQG \RXUVHOI D GHVN WDNH D deep  breath  and  then  hold  that  breath  until  you  pass  out. Â

3. Join a Club

4. Drinking

)LQG \RXUVHOI D FOXE WR MRLQ ÂżOOHG ZLWK OLNH PLQGHG people  to  spend  some  time  enjoying  your  favourite  hobby/activity  over  the  summer.  There  are  plenty  of  sports  clubs  at  university  or  you  could  join  rotary,  the  Girl  Guides,  or,  if  you  are  anything  like  me,  the  sex  offenders  register.  (Yes,  while  it  PLJKW QRW KDYH WKH EHQHÂżWV of  some  other  clubs,  its  membership  is  very  exclusive  and  the  people  really  aren’t  as  bad  as  people  make  them  out  to  be)  A  club  is  a  great  way  to  meet  some  new  people  and  have  some  new  experiences!

If  all  else  fails  and  life  is  getting  you  down,  then  throw  yourself  into  the  gutter,  snatch  a  bottle  of  cheap  red,  down  the  whole  thing  and  repeat.  Of  course,  this  plan  carries  some  risks,  examples  of  which  include  a   trip  to  the  local  constabulary  or,  more  excitingly,  the  RAH.  There  is  also  a  fair  chance  that  you  won’t  remember  any  of  the  upcoming  summer  once  it’s  over.  You  will  however  be  able  to  come  back  to  uni  the  next  year  tired,  hung-­over,  overweight,  scruffy  and  depressed.  Which,  to  be  honest,  wouldn’t  represent  much  of  a  change.

THE  HILARIAN  02/2012 -­â€?  7  -­â€?

FROM THE PRESIDENT

Sophie Waples

T

his year has absolutely whizzed past. We have all had an absolute (law) ball this year and have thoroughly enjoyed working with you to provide the services you want and need to improve

your experience in the Adelaide Law School. I hope that you have got as much out of the year as we have -­‐ that you’ve shared a drink at the largest ever Law Ball, enjoyed a thought ƉƌŽǀŽŬŝŶŐ ^ŽĐŝĂů :ƵƐƟĐĞ ďƌĞĂŬĨĂƐƚ͕ engaged in the hugely popular ĐŽŵƉĞƟƟŽŶƐ͕ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞĚ ƚŚĞ fun and excitement of ALSA Conference, had a laugh at our ǁŝƩLJ ĨĂĐĞŬ ƐƚĂƚƵƐĞƐ͕ ƌĂŶ ƚŚĞ ŝƚLJ ƚŽ ĂLJ ǁŝƚŚ ƚŚĞ ĮƌƐƚ h>^^ team, picked up an awesome new navy hoody, come along to our ƉĂĐŬĞĚ ŽƵƚ ĂƌĞĞƌƐ &Ăŝƌ͕ ĂƩĞŶĚĞĚ the inaugural Sue Me and Closing WĂƌƟĞƐ ĂŶĚ ƐƚƵŵďůĞĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ Woolshed during Pubcrawl. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the whole

ϮϬϭϮ ŽŵŵŝƩĞĞ͘ dŚĞLJ ŚĂǀĞ ǁŽƌŬĞĚ ƟƌĞůĞƐƐůLJ ƚŚĞ ǁŚŽůĞ ĞŶƟƌĞ year, always with a smile on their faces and fresh new ideas to shake up the Law school and improve your experiences. It has been an absolute pleasure working with them this year, and also having the opportunity to meet so many of you! ^Ž ŝƚ͛Ɛ ƟŵĞ ƚŽ ƐĂLJ ĨĂƌĞǁĞůů ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ϮϬϭϮ ŽŵŵŝƩĞĞ ĂŶĚ ŵĂŬĞ ǁĂLJ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ϮϬϭϯ ŽŵŵŝƩĞĞ͘ 'ŽŽĚ ůƵĐŬ ƚŽ ŚĂƌůŽƩĞ ĂŶĚ ŚĞƌ ƚĞĂŵ͕ who I am sure will do an absolutely phenomenal job. &ŝŶĂůůLJ͕ 'ŽŽĚ ůƵĐŬ ǁŝƚŚ Ăůů ŽĨ LJŽƵƌ ĞdžĂŵƐ ĂŶĚ ŽŶŐĂƚƵůĂƟŽŶƐ ƚŽ ƚŚŽƐĞ ǁŚŽ ĂƌĞ ŐƌĂĚƵĂƟŶŐ Ăƚ ƚŚĞ end of this year! ~

> ó Z òç Z ò® ó ϮϬϭϮ THE BURDEN OF SPOOF IS PROVEN BEYOND REASONABLE DOUBT Ally Lontos ĂĐŚ LJĞĂƌ ĚĞůĂŝĚĞ >Ăǁ ^ĐŚŽŽů ďŽĂƐƚƐ Ă ƉƌŽĚƵĐƟŽŶ ƚŚĂƚ ŝƐ ĞƐƐĞŶƟĂůůLJ ĂŝŵĞĚ Ăƚ͖ ƉƌŽǀŝĚŝŶŐ ƐŽŵĞ ĐŽŵĞĚŝĐ ƌĞůŝĞĨ ĨƌŽŵ ƚŚĞ ĚĂŝůLJ ůĂǁ ƐĐŚŽŽů ƌŽƵƟŶĞ͕ ĚĞŵŽŶƐƚƌĂƟŶŐ ƚŚĂƚ ƐĂŝĚ ƌŽƵƟŶĞ ĐĂŶ ĂĐƚƵĂůůLJ ďĞ ƌĞĂůůLJ ŚŝůĂƌŝŽƵƐ ĂŶĚ ĂůůŽǁŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ĞĂƐŝĞƐƚ ƉƵŶ ĞǀĞƌ ĂƐ Ă ƟƚůĞ ĨŽƌ Ă ƌĞǀŝĞǁ ŽĨ ŝƚ͘ &ƌŽŵ ƚŚĞ ĮƌƐƚ Đƚ͕ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƐƚ ŽĨ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ ĚĞŵŽŶƐƚƌĂƚĞĚ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞLJ ŬŶĞǁ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞ ďƵƌĚĞŶ ŽĨ ƐƉŽŽĨ ǁĂƐ ƵƉŽŶ ƚŚĞŵ͘ >ƵĐŬLJ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞŵ͕ ĞǀĞŶ :ƵƐƟĐĞ <ŝƌďLJ ĐŽƵůĚ ŶŽƚ ĚŝƐĂŐƌĞĞ ƚŚĂƚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ŵŽƐƚ ĚĞĮŶŝƚĞůLJ ƐƵĐĐĞƐƐĨƵůůLJ ƉƌŽǀĞŶ͘ dŚŝƐ ŐƌŽƵƉ ŽĨ ƟŐŚƚƐ ǁĞĂƌŝŶŐ͕ ŐƌĞĞŶ ƐŚŝƌƚ ďŽĂƐƟŶŐ͕ ũĂnjnjͲŚĂŶĚƐͲŇĂŝůŝŶŐ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ ƋƵŝĐŬůLJ ĐĂƉƚƵƌĞĚ ƚŚĞ ĂƩĞŶƟŽŶ ŽĨ ĞǀĞƌLJŽŶĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ƐŽůĚ ŽƵƚ ůŽŝƐƚĞƌƐ >ŝƩůĞ dŚĞĂƚƌĞ ǀĞŶƵĞ͘ &Žƌ ƚŚŽƐĞ ǁŚŽ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ƐŝŐŶŝĮĐĂŶƚůLJ ďĞƩĞƌ ƉƵŶƐ ƚŚĂŶ ĂƌĞ ŝŶ ƚŚŝƐ ĂƌƟĐůĞ ;ƐĞĞ ĂďŽǀĞ ƉĂƌĂŐƌĂƉŚͿ͕ ƚŚĞ WƵŶŐĞƌ 'ĂŵĞƐ ŝŶ Đƚ ϭ ǁŽƵůĚ ŚĂǀĞ ĚĞĮŶŝƚĞůLJ ƐĂƟƐĮĞĚ LJŽƵ͘ Đƚ ϭ ĂůƐŽ ŝŶĐůƵĚĞĚ Ă ZĂƉ Kī ďĞƚǁĞĞŶ ĚĞůĂŝĚĞ ĂŶĚ ǁĂŶŶĂďĞ Flinders students (arbitrated by a Judge that made you wish Judges were that entertaining) that ended with the whole stage dancing to Nicki Minaj’s Starships... and actually making it really enjoyable. dŚĞ ĞŶƟƌĞ ĐĂƐƚ͛Ɛ ǀŝďƌĂŶƚ ĞŶĞƌŐLJ ǁĂƐ ŝŶĨĞĐƟŽƵƐ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ĐƚƐ ǁĞƌĞ ďƌŝůůŝĂŶƚůLJ ǁƌŝƩĞŶ ĂŶĚ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ŽƵƚ͘ DĂŬŝŶŐ Ă ǁŚŽůĞ ĂƵĚŝĞŶĐĞ ;ŽĨ ŵŽƐƚůLJ ůĂǁ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐͿ ůĂƵŐŚ ǁŽƵůĚ ƐĞĞŵ Ă ĚĂƵŶƟŶŐ ƚĂƐŬ ĨŽƌ ŵŽƐƚ ŽĨ ƵƐ͘ ,ŽǁĞǀĞƌ͕ ŝƚ ĂƉƉĞĂƌĞĚ ĞīŽƌƚůĞƐƐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚŝƐ LJĞĂƌ͛Ɛ ŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ͕ WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ ;ǁŚŽ ŝƐ ĐŽŝŶĐŝĚĞŶƚĂůůLJ ƚŚĞ ĞĚŝƚŽƌ ŽĨ ƚŚŝƐ ŵĂŐĂnjŝŶĞ͘​͘​͘ ĂŶĚ ŝƐ ƉĂLJŝŶŐ Ă ŐĞŶĞƌŽƵƐ ƐƵŵ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ůĂǁ ƐĐŚŽŽů͛Ɛ ĨƵŶĚŝŶŐ ƚŽ ŵĞ ĨŽƌ ǁƌŝƟŶŐ ƚŚŝƐͿ͘ /͛ŵ ƐƵƌĞ ŽƵƌ ĞĂŶ ǁŽƵůĚŶ͛ƚ ŵŝŶĚ ƚŚŽƵŐŚ͘​͘​͘ ĂŌĞƌ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ĞŶĚĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ŵƵƐŝĐĂů ƚƌŝďƵƚĞ ƚŽ ͞>Ăǁ ^ĐŚŽŽů ĞĂŶ͟ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐŽƵŶĚ ŽĨ ͛Ɛ ĂŶĐŝŶŐ Queen. ǀĞƌLJŽŶĞ ůĞŌ ƚŚĞ ƉƌŽĚƵĐƟŽŶ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ĞƵƉŚŽƌŝĐ ĨĞĞůŝŶŐ ŽĨ ͚ƐƚƵĚLJŝŶŐͲůĂǁͲŝƐͲƚŚĞͲďĞƐƚͲƚŚŝŶŐͲĞǀĞƌͲŝŶǀĞŶƚĞĚ͛ ;ƚŚĂƚ ƉƌŽďĂďůLJ ĨĂĚĞĚ ŽŶĐĞ ƚŚĞLJ ƌĞĂĐŚĞĚ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƌ ƉĂƌŬͿ͘ ZĞĂůůLJ ƚŚŽƵŐŚ͕ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ŵĂŬĞƐ LJŽƵ ĨĞĞů ƉƌŽƵĚ ƚŽ ďĞ Ă ƉĂƌƚ ŽĨ Ă ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚ ďŽĚLJ ƚŚĂƚ ĐŽƵůĚ ƉƌŽĚƵĐĞ ƐƵĐŚ ŚŝůĂƌŝƚLJ ;ĂŶĚ Ă ƌĞĂůůLJ ĂƩƌĂĐƟǀĞ ĐĂƐƚ͘​͘​͘ ũƵƐƚ ƐĂLJŝŶŐͿ͘ ^Ž ŝĨ LJŽƵ ŵŝƐƐĞĚ ƚŚŝƐ LJĞĂƌ͛Ɛ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ LJŽƵ ƐŚŽƵůĚ ƌĞŐƌĞƚ ŝƚ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ƌĞƐƚ ŽĨ ĞƚĞƌŶŝƚLJ͘​͘​͘ ďƵƚ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ĨĞĞů ďĂĚ͕ Žƌ ĂŶLJƚŚŝŶŐ͘ ŽŶŐƌĂƚƵůĂƟŽŶƐ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƐƚ ĂŶĚ ĐƌĞǁ ĨŽƌ ƉƵƫŶŐ ŽŶ Ă ďƌŝůůŝĂŶƚ ƉƌŽĚƵĐƟŽŶ͊

THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 8 -­‐

THE LAW REVUE EXPERIENCE

dŽ ŚĞĂƌ ĂďŽƵƚ Ăůů ƚŚĞ ďĂĐŬƐƚĂŐĞ ĚƌĂŵĂ ĂŶĚ ĨŽƌ ĂŶ ŝŶƟŵĂƚĞ ďĞŚŝŶĚͲƚŚĞͲƐĐĞŶĞƐ ƌĞǀŝĞǁ͕ Ally Lontos ŚĂĚ Ă ĐŚĂƚ ƚŽ ŶĞǁĐŽŵĞƌƐ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ DĂƌƟŶ ĂŶĚ <ŽƐƚĂ 'ůLJŬŽƐ ŽŶ ǁŚĂƚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ďĞ ŝŶǀŽůǀĞĚ ŝŶ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ϮϬϭϮ͘ ŵƵƐƚͲƌĞĂĚ ĨŽƌ ĂŶLJŽŶĞ ǁŚŽ ďĞůŝĞǀĞƐ ƚŚĞLJ ŚĂǀĞ Ă ĐĂůůŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ Ă life of law related glitz, glamour and fame next year: /Ĩ LJŽƵ͛ǀĞ ĞǀĞƌ ĐŽŶƐŝĚĞƌĞĚ ĂƵĚŝƟŽŶŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ĚŽ ŝƚ͘ Ž ŝƚ ŶŽǁ͘ / ǁĂƐ ůƵĐŬLJ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƚŽ ďĞ ƉĂƌƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ĐĂƐƚ ĨŽƌ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ϮϬϭϮ ĂŶĚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ŽŶĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞƐ ŽĨ ŵLJ ůŝĨĞ͘ ĚŵŝƩĞĚůLJ͕ ƚŚĞ ϭϮ ŚŽƵƌ ƌĞŚĞĂƌƐĂůƐ ĞǀĞƌLJ ĚĂLJ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ ůĂƐƚ ǁĞĞŬ ǁĞƌĞ ĞdžŚĂƵƐƟŶŐ ĂŶĚ ŽƵƌ ůĞŐƐ ĂĐŚĞĚ ĨƌŽŵ Ăůů ƚŚĞ ĚĂŶĐŝŶŐ ďƵƚ ǁĞ ŚĂĚ dŝŵ dĂŵƐ ďĂĐŬƐƚĂŐĞ ƐŽ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ Ăůů ǁŽƌƚŚ ŝƚ͘ dŚŝƐ LJĞĂƌ ƚŚĞƌĞ ǁĞƌĞ Ă ĨĞǁ ŶĞǁĐŽŵĞƌƐ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƐƚ ďƵƚ ǁĞ ǁĞƌĞ Ăůů ǁĞůĐŽŵĞĚ ǁĂƌŵůLJ ĂŶĚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ŐƌĞĂƚ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ ŽƚŚĞƌ ŵĞŵďĞƌƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƐƚ ǁŝƚŚ ůŽƚƐ ŽĨ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͘ tƌŝƟŶŐ ƐŬĞƚĐŚĞƐ ĂŶĚ ĐŚŽƌĞŽŐƌĂƉŚLJ͕ ĐƌŽƐƐͲĚƌĞƐƐŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ƉƵƫŶŐ ƚŚĞ ƐĞƚ ƚŽŐĞƚŚĞƌ ǁĂƐ Ă ůŽƚ ŽĨ ĨƵŶ ďƵƚ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ƉĂƌƚ ǁĂƐ ƉĞƌĨŽƌŵŝŶŐ ŝŶ ĨƌŽŶƚ ŽĨ Ă ĨĂŶƚĂƐƟĐ͕ ůŝǀĞůLJ ĂƵĚŝĞŶĐĞ͘ dŚĞ ƐŬĞƚĐŚ / ŵŽƐƚ ĞŶũŽLJĞĚ ƚŚŝƐ LJĞĂƌ ǁĂƐ ƚŚĞ ZĂƉ ĂƩůĞ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ ĞǀĞƌLJŽŶĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƐƚ ǁĂƐ ŝŶǀŽůǀĞĚ ĂŶĚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ŚŝůĂƌŝŽƵƐ ƚŽ ĚƌĞƐƐ ƵƉ ĂƐ ŶĞƌĚƐ ĂŶĚ ƉŽŬĞ ĨƵŶ ŽĨ ŽƵƌƐĞůǀĞƐ͘ ŶĚ͕ ŽĨ ĐŽƵƌƐĞ͕ ǁŚŽ ĚŽĞƐŶ͛ƚ ůŽǀĞ Ă ũƵĚŐĞ ƌĂƉƉŝŶŐ ƚŽ EŝĐŬŝ DŝŶĂũ͍ /Ĩ LJŽƵ ŚĂǀĞŶ͛ƚ ǁĂƚĐŚĞĚ ƚŚĞ ƐŚŽǁ ďĞĨŽƌĞ͕ ĐŽŵĞ ŶĞdžƚ LJĞĂƌ ĂŶĚ / ĐĂŶ ĂƐƐƵƌĞ LJŽƵ͕ LJŽƵ͛ůů ůŽǀĞ ŝƚ͊ Ͳ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ DĂƌƟŶ ŌĞƌ ƐƚƵŵďůŝŶŐ ŝŶƚŽ ƚŚĞ >ŝƩůĞ dŚĞĂƚƌĞ ŝŶ ŵLJ ĮƌƐƚ LJĞĂƌ ŽĨ ůĂǁ ƐĐŚŽŽů ĂŶĚ ďĞŝŶŐ Ă ƐƉĞĐƚĂƚŽƌ ƚŽ ƚŚĞŝƌ ĐŽŵĞĚŝĐ ŐĞŶŝƵƐ͕ ĞƐƉĞĐŝĂůůLJ ƚŚĞ ƉĂƌŽĚLJ ŽĨ :ĞƌƐĞLJ ^ŚŽƌĞ͕ / ŬŶĞǁ ƚŚĂƚ / ǁĂŶƚĞĚ ƚŽ ƚĂŬĞ ƉĂƌƚ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĂŶŶƵĂů ĚĞůĂŝĚĞ hŶŝǀĞƌƐŝƚLJ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ͘ tŚĞŶ ŵLJ ĂƵĚŝƟŽŶƐ ĐĂŵĞ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ / ǁĂƐ ĞdžƚƌĞŵĞůLJ ŶĞƌǀŽƵƐ͕ / ŚĂĚ ƚŚŝƐ ǀŝƐŝŽŶ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĚŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ ůĂƵŐŚŝŶŐ Ăƚ ŵĞ ĂŶĚ ƚĞůůŝŶŐ ŵĞ / ǁĂƐ Ă ƚĞƌƌŝďůĞ ĂĐƚŽƌ͘ ,ŽǁĞǀĞƌ͕ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĞŶĚ / ǁĂƐ ĨŽƌƚƵŶĂƚĞ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƚŽ ďĞ ĐĂƐƚ ĂůŽŶŐ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ďƵŶĐŚ ŽĨ ǁŽŶĚĞƌĨƵů ƉĞŽƉůĞ͘ tĞ ƐƚĂƌƚĞĚ ƌĞŚĞĂƌƐĂůƐ ĂŌĞƌ ƚŚĞ ƐĞŵĞƐƚĞƌ ďƌĞĂŬ͕ ǁĞ Ăůů ǁŽƌŬĞĚ ǀĞƌLJ ŚĂƌĚ͕ ǁƌŝƟŶŐ ƐĐƌŝƉƚƐ͕ ƌĞŚĞĂƌƐŝŶŐ ĚĂŶĐĞ ƌŽƵƟŶĞƐ ĂŶĚ ŵŽƐƚůLJ ŽŶ ŵLJ ƉĂƌƚ ƚƌLJŝŶŐ ŶŽƚ ƚŽ ůĂƵŐŚ ĞǀĞƌLJ ƟŵĞ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ ĨƵŶŶLJ ǁĂƐ ƐĂŝĚ͘ tŚĞŶ ŽƉĞŶŝŶŐ ŶŝŐŚƚ ĐĂŵĞ / ǁĂƐ ĞdžƚƌĞŵĞůLJ ŶĞƌǀŽƵƐ͕ / ǁĂƐ ƐĐĂƌĞĚ ƚŚĂƚ ĚƵƌŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ŽƉĞŶŝŶŐ ŶƵŵďĞƌ / ǁĂƐ ŐŽŝŶŐ ƚŽ ĨĂůů ŇĂƚ ŽŶ ŵLJ ĨĂĐĞ͘ &ŽƌƚƵŶĂƚĞůLJ͕ ŽƉĞŶŝŶŐ ŶŝŐŚƚ ǁĂƐ Ă ŐƌĞĂƚ ƐƵĐĐĞƐƐ ĂŶĚ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ŽŶĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ĨĞĞůŝŶŐƐ ĞǀĞƌ͘ ůů ŽĨ ŽƵƌ ŚĂƌĚ ǁŽƌŬ ŚĂĚ ƉĂŝĚ Žī͕ Ăůů ƚŚĞ ůĂƚĞ ŶŝŐŚƚ ƌĞŚĞĂƌƐĂůƐ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ŐƌƵĞůůŝŶŐ ĚĂŶĐĞ ƌŽƵƟŶĞƐ ǁĞƌĞ ǁŽƌƚŚ ŝƚ͘ / ǁĂƐ ĨŽƌƚƵŶĂƚĞ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ Ă ŶƵŵďĞƌ ŽĨ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞĚ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ŵĞŵďĞƌƐ ƚŽ ŐƵŝĚĞ ŵĞ ƚŚƌŽƵŐŚ ĞǀĞƌLJƚŚŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ / ŚĂǀĞ ŵĂĚĞ ƐŽŵĞ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ ŽĨ ŝƚ͘ / ǁŽƵůĚ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ƚŚĂŶŬ ŽƵƌ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ĚŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ͕ WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ ĨŽƌ Ăůů ŚŝƐ ŚĞůƉ͕ ĨŽƌ ƉƵƫŶŐ ƵƉ ǁŝƚŚ ƵƐ Ăůů ĂŶĚ ĨŽƌ ŵĂŬŝŶŐ ƚŚŝƐ ŽŶĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞƐ ĞǀĞƌ͘ dŚĞ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ ŝƐ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ / ǁŝůů ĂůǁĂLJƐ ŬĞĞƉ ǁŝƚŚ ŵĞ ĂŶĚ / Ăŵ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ǀĞƌLJ ŵƵĐŚ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚ ƚŽ ƚĂŬŝŶŐ ƉĂƌƚ ŝŶ ĨƵƚƵƌĞ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞƐ͘ / ǁĂŶƚ ƚŽ ƚŚĂŶŬ ƚŚĞ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ ĐĂƐƚ ĨŽƌ ŵĂŬŝŶŐ ƚŚŝƐ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ĮƌƐƚ >Ăǁ ZĞǀƵĞ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͕ ƚŚĞ ďĂĐŬƐƚĂŐĞ ĐƌĞǁ ĂŶĚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƚĞĐŚŶŝĐĂů ĐŽŽƌĚŝŶĂƚŽƌ͘ zŽƵ ŐƵLJƐ ĂƌĞ ĂŵĂnjŝŶŐ͊ dŚĂŶŬ LJŽƵ ĨŽƌ ƉƵƫŶŐ ƵƉ ǁŝƚŚ ŵLJ ĂŶƟĐƐ ĂŶĚ ǁŝƚŚ ŵLJ ƐƚƵƉŝĚ ƌĞŵĂƌŬƐ ƐƵĐŚ ĂƐ ŵŝƐƚĂŬŝŶŐ Ă ĞĂƚůĞƐ ƐŽŶŐ ǁŝƚŚ ĞƐƟŶLJ͛Ɛ ŚŝůĚ͘ -­‐Kosta Glykos

THE CAST AND CREW OF THE 2012 LAW REVUE Director:

WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ

Cast:

,ƵŐŽ ĂůŶĂǀĞƐ͕ >ŝůLJ ůĂĐŬ͕ DĂƟůĚĂ ŽŶůŽŶ͕ >ĂƌĂ ŽƵǀĂƌƚnjŝĚŝƐ͕ <ŽƐƚĂ 'ůLJŬŽƐ͕ ^Ăŵ ,ŽŽƉĞƌ͕ KůůŝĞ >ƵĐŬŚƵƌƐƚͲ^ŵŝƚŚ͕ ,ĂŶŶĂŚ DĂƌƟŶ͕ ŽƵƌƚŶĞLJ DĐ ŽŶĂůĚ͕ :ŝŵŵLJ DĞĞŐĂŶ͕ EŝŬŝƚĂ KĚĚLJ

Backstage: ĂŝƚůŝŶ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ͕ >ĂǁƌĞŶĐĞ ĞŶ͕ ĂŝƚůŝŶ ,ĂƌƚǀŝŐƐĞŶͲWŽǁĞƌ Tech:

dŚŽŵĂƐ 'ŽŽĚĂůů͘ THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 9 -­‐

News of the Week

t,/d ,Kh^ yd E^/KE dK KDDK d ZKDE z t/s ^ Chris Maitland

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« t«®ã ,ÊçÝ has announced plans to build ĂŶ ĞdžƚƌĂ ǁŝŶŐ Žī ƚŚĞ ƉƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƟĂů ƌĞƐŝĚĞŶĐĞ ƚŽ ĂĐĐŽŵŵŽĚĂƚĞ DŝƩ ZŽŵŶĞLJ͛Ɛ ǁŝǀĞƐ͕ ƐŚŽƵůĚ he win in November. /Ĩ ƚŚĞ ZĞƉƵďůŝĐĂŶ ĐĂŶĚŝĚĂƚĞ is successful in this year’s ĞůĞĐƟŽŶ͕ ŝƚ ǁŝůů ďĞ ƚŚĞ ĮƌƐƚ

ƟŵĞ ŝŶ ŚŝƐƚŽƌLJ ƚŚĂƚ ŵĞƌŝĐĂ ŚĂƐ ǁĞůĐŽŵĞĚ Ă &ŝƌƐƚ͕ ^ĞĐŽŶĚ ĂŶĚ dŚŝƌĚ >ĂĚLJ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ tŚŝƚĞ ,ŽƵƐĞ͘ /ƚ ŝƐ ƵŶĚĞƌƐƚŽŽĚ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞ ĨŽƌŵĞƌ DĂƐƐĂĐŚƵƐĞƩƐ 'ŽǀĞƌŶŽƌ ŝƐ LJĞƚ ƚŽ ĚĞƚĞƌŵŝŶĞ ŝŶ ǁŚŝĐŚ ŽƌĚĞƌ ŚŝƐ ǁŝǀĞƐ ǁŝůů ďĞ ƌĂŶŬĞĚ͘ ͞/ ŚĂǀĞŶ͛ƚ ĚĞĐŝĚĞĚ ǁŚĞƚŚĞƌ ƚŽ ŽƌĚĞƌ ƚŚĞŵ ŝŶ ƚĞƌŵƐ ŽĨ ĂŐĞ Žƌ ďĞĂƵƚLJ͘ ŶŶ has indicated a preference for Second Lady, to avoid some of the spotlight. But I might pass the ĚĞĐŝƐŝŽŶ ŽǀĞƌ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ŵĞƌŝĐĂŶ ƉĞŽƉůĞ͘ / ďĞůŝĞǀĞ ŝŶ ĚĞŵŽĐƌĂĐLJ ŽŶ ƐƵĐŚ ŵĂƩĞƌƐ͕ ĞƐƉĞĐŝĂůůLJ ǁŚĞŶ ƌĂŶŬŝŶŐ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ŵĂŶ͛Ɛ ǁŝǀĞƐ͘͟ ZŽŵŶĞLJ͛Ɛ ĐĂŵƉĂŝŐŶ ĚŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ͕ ůĂƌĞŶĐĞ ^ŵŝƚŚ͕ ŚĂƐ ĚŝƐĐƵƐƐĞĚ ŚŽǁ Ă ƐƉŽƵƐĂů ƌĞĨĞƌĞŶĚƵŵ ŵŝŐŚƚ ůŽŽŬ͕ ƐŚŽƵůĚ ƚŚĞ ZĞƉƵďůŝĐĂŶƐ ǁŝŶ ŽĸĐĞ͘ ͞tĞ ƚŽLJĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ ĐĂůůŝŶŐ ŝƚ ƚŚĞ ZĂŶŬ DLJ tŝĨĞ ŝůů͕ ďƵƚ ĨŽƌŵĞƌ ƉƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ ůŝŶƚŽŶ ŚĂƐ ŝŶƚĞƌƉƌĞƚĞĚ ƚŚŝƐ ĂƐ Ă ƉĞƌƐŽŶĂů ŝŶǀŝƚĂƟŽŶ ƚŽ ƚĞƐƚ ƚŚĞŵ ŽƵƚ͘͟ ůĂƌŐĞ ŶƵŵďĞƌ ŽĨ ƉŽůůĞĚ ŵĞƌŝĐĂŶƐ ŝŶĚŝĐĂƚĞĚ ƚŚĞLJ ǁŽƵůĚ ƉƌĞĨĞƌ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ƚŚĞ ůĂĚŝĞƐ ĮŐŚƚ ŝƚ ŽƵƚ ŝŶ ƉƵďůŝĐ ƚŽ ĚĞƚĞƌŵŝŶĞ ƚŚĞ ƉĞĐŬŝŶŐ ŽƌĚĞƌ͘ ͞/ƚ ǁŽƵůĚ ĐĞƌƚĂŝŶůLJ ŝŵƉƌŽǀĞ Dƌ ZŽŵŶĞLJ͛Ɛ ƐƚĂŶĚŝŶŐ ĂŵŽŶŐ ŵĂůĞ ǀŽƚĞƌƐ͘ ůƚŚŽƵŐŚ / Ăŵ ŶŽƚ ƐƵƌĞ ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĞ ĨĞŵĂůĞ ǀŽƚĞ͕͟ ƐĂŝĚ ZĞƉƵďůŝĐĂŶ ƐƚƌĂƚĞŐŝƐƚ <Ăƌů ZŽǀĞ͘ ƵƌƌĞŶƚ &ŝƌƐƚ >ĂĚLJ͕ DŝĐŚĞůůĞ KďĂŵĂ͕ ŝƐ ƌĞƉŽƌƚĞĚ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ ĨŽƵŶĚ ƚŚĞ ŽďůŝŐĂƟŽŶƐ ĂƐ ǁŝĨĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ WƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ ŽŶĞƌŽƵƐ͘ ^ŚĞ ŚĂƐ ĨĂŵŽƵƐůLJ ĐůĂƐŚĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ tŚŝƚĞ ,ŽƵƐĞ ƐƚĂī ŽǀĞƌ ŚĞƌ ĐŽŵŵŝƚŵĞŶƚƐ ƉƌŽŵŽƟŶŐ ĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͛Ɛ ĐŚĂƌŝƟĞƐ͕ ƚĞŶĚŝŶŐ ŽƌŐĂŶŝĐ ŐĂƌĚĞŶƐ ĂŶĚ ǀŝƐŝƟŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĨĂŵŝůŝĞƐ ŽĨ ƐĞƌǀŝĐĞŵĞŶ͘ ͞^ŚĂƌŝŶŐ ƚŚŝƐ ũŽď ďĞƚǁĞĞŶ ƚŚƌĞĞ ǁŽƵůĚ ĐĞƌƚĂŝŶůLJ ŚĂǀĞ ŵĂĚĞ ŵLJ ůŝĨĞ ĞĂƐŝĞƌ͟ ƐŚĞ ƐƚĂƚĞĚ Ăƚ Ă ƌĞĐĞŶƚ ĐŚĂƌŝƚLJ ĚŝŶŶĞƌ͕ ͞/ ĞŶǀLJ ƚŚĞ DƌƐ ZŽŵŶĞLJƐ͘͟ For more from Chris Maitland, go to www.gdaymait.com THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 10 -­‐

WKKZ Yh >/dz ^ d/E'͗ E /E / E && /Z WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ

N

Êã® Ä çÄ ÊÃ¥ÊÙã ½ « ®Ù ®Ä ã« ½ ó ½® Ù Ùù͍ ĞĞŶ ƐƚƵĐŬ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ǁŽďďůLJ ƚĂďůĞ ŝŶ Ă ƐĞŵŝŶĂƌ ƌŽŽŵ͍ DĂŶLJ students have and their concerns have been reported to dŚĞ ,ŝůĂƌŝĂŶ͘ ŌĞƌ ƐŽŵĞ ƚŚŽƌŽƵŐŚ ŝŶǀĞƐƟŐĂƟŽŶƐ dŚĞ ,ŝůĂƌŝĂŶ ĐĂŶ reveal that the problems began several years ago when the Law School began sourcing its furnishings from Indian sweatshops, rather than the more reputable Chinese sweatshops. The decision saves the Law School approximately $20,000 a year (the ĞƋƵŝǀĂůĞŶƚ ǀĂůƵĞ ŽĨ ƚǁŽ ĐŽƉŝĞƐ ŽĨ ,ĞLJĚŽŶ͛Ɛ ƋƵŝƚLJ ĂŶĚ dƌƵƐƚƐ Žƌ ŽŶĞ ƋƵĂƌƚĞƌ ŽĨ ĂŶ ŶĞŽŶ ͚ ĚĞůĂŝĚĞ >Ăǁ ^ĐŚŽŽů͛ ƐŝŐŶͿ͘ ƉƉĂƌĞŶƚůLJ ŽƚŚĞƌ >Ăǁ ^ĐŚŽŽůƐ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ ƚŚĞ ĐŽƵŶƚƌLJ ŚĂǀĞ ŵĂĚĞ ƚŚĞ ƐĂŵĞ ĚĞĐŝƐŝŽŶ ĂŶĚ ŶĂƟŽŶǁŝĚĞ ŝƚ ŚĂƐ ďĞĐŽŵĞ ŽďǀŝŽƵƐ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚĞ /ŶĚŝĂŶ ĨƵƌŶŝƚƵƌĞ ŝƐ ŽĨ ŶŽƟĐĞĂďůLJ ƉŽŽƌĞƌ ƋƵĂůŝƚLJ͘ ŐƌŽƵƉ ŽĨ ĐŽŶĐĞƌŶĞĚ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ ŚĂƐ ƐĞƚͲƵƉ ĂŶ ĂĐƟŽŶ ŐƌŽƵƉ ĚĞŵĂŶĚŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ >Ăǁ ^ĐŚŽŽů ƌĞͲĞŶŐĂŐĞ Chinese sweatshops immediately.

W h>/E , E^KE >DK^d t/E^ , ^^ , DW/KE^,/W WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ

P

ç½®Ä , ÄÝÊÄ͕ ¥ÊÙà ٠Öʽ®ã® ® Ä Ä Ä ®Ä¦ ó®ã« the Stars dancer (note: not a star), has made headlines ĚƵƌŝŶŐ Ă ƌĞĐĞŶƚ ŝŶƚĞƌŶĂƟŽŶĂů ĐŚĞƐƐ ƚŽƵƌŶĂŵĞŶƚ͘ ,ĂŶƐŽŶ ŵĂĚĞ ŝƚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĮŶĂů ĂŐĂŝŶƐƚ ĐŚĞƐƐ ƐƵƉƌĞŵŽ 'ĂƌLJ <ĂƐƉĂƌŽǀ ďƵƚ ƐĂĚůLJ ŚĞƌ ƌƵŶ ǁĂƐ ƐĂďŽƚĂŐĞĚ ǁŚĞŶ ƐŚĞ ǁĂƐ ĂƐŬĞĚ ƚŽ ƉůĂLJ ƚŚĞ ďůĂĐŬ ƉŝĞĐĞƐ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ĮŶĂů͘ ,ĂŶƐŽŶ ĂŶŐƌŝůLJ refused to touch the pieces, overturned the chess board ĂŶĚ ůĞŌ ŝŶ ĂŶ ĂŶŐƌLJ ŚƵī ĂŌĞƌ ĐůĂŝŵŝŶŐ ƚŚĂƚ ŚĞƌ ƉŝĞĐĞƐ ǁĞƌĞ ͞ŽďǀŝŽƵƐůLJ ŵŽƌĞ ůŝŬĞůLJ ƚŽ ůŽƐĞ ĂƐ ƚŚĞLJ ǁĞƌĞ ŝŶĨĞƌŝŽƌ͘͟

The Hilarian is sponsored by Lipman Karas and Clayton Utz

THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 11 -­‐

HLRN Person of the Year Lily Black

KEd E Z ϭ ͗ D/dd ZKDE z “When the World Needs Someone…You Need an American (Mormon)” I’ve been through a dozen security points and clearance ĐŚĞĐŬƐ ƚŽ ŐĞƚ ƚŽ Ă ĐŽŶĨĞƌĞŶĐĞ ƌŽŽŵ ŝŶ ZŽŵŶĞLJ͛Ɛ ŚŽŵĞƚŽǁŶ ŽĨ ůŽŽŵĮĞůĚ ,ŝůůƐ͕ DŝĐŚŝŐĂŶ͘ dŚĞƌĞ͛Ɛ Ă ĚŽnjĞŶ ŽƚŚĞƌ ũŽƵƌŶŽƐ ǁĂŝƟŶŐ ĨƌŽŵ Ăůů ƚŚĞ ďŝŐ ŵĂŐƐ͕ dŝƚůĞƌ͕ 'ŝƌůƐ ĂŶĚ ŽƌƉƐĞƐ ĂŶĚ ^ Lyf. I’m nervous before I walk in to meet the Mormon of the DŽŵĞŶƚ͘ tŚĞŶ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ŵLJ ƚƵƌŶ ĨŽƌ ϱ ŵŝŶƵƚĞƐ ǁŝƚŚ DŝƩ͕ / ǁĂƐ ŝŵŵĞĚŝĂƚĞůLJ ƐƚƌƵĐŬ ďLJ ŚŝƐ ŬŝŶĚ͕ ďĂďLJ ďůƵĞ DŽƌŵŽŶ ĞLJĞƐ͘ ,Ğ ƐŵĞůƚ ůŝŬĞ ŵƵƐŬĞƚƐ Ăƚ ĚĂǁŶ ĂŶĚ ďĞĞĨ ũĞƌŬLJ͘ &Žƌ ĂŶ ŝŵƉŽƌƚĂŶƚ ĮŐƵƌĞ͕ ŚĞ ǁĂƐ ƌĞĂůůLJ ĚŽǁŶ ƚŽ ĞĂƌƚŚ ĂŶĚ didn’t blush when he farted loudly. ͞>ĞĞƐůĞ͍͊ &ƌŽŵ ,>ZE ŵĂŐĂnjŝŶĞ͍͟ ŚĞ ƐĂŝĚ͘ ͞ ĐƚƵĂůůLJ ŵLJ ŶĂŵĞ ŝƐ >ŝůLJ͕͟ ďƵƚ / ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚ ƌĞĂůůLJ ŵŝŶĚ͘ ͚dŚĞ ^ŽƵŶĚ of Music’ is my favourite movie and dyslexic people are groovy. I was nervous though and needed to either ƉŽŽƉ Žƌ ƐŶĞĞnjĞ͕ / ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚ ŬŶŽǁ ǁŚŝĐŚ͘ ^Ž / ũƵŵƉĞĚ ŝŶ ĂŶĚ ƐƚĂƌƚĞĚ ƚŽ ĂƐŬ ƚŚĞ ƌĞĂů ďŝŐ ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƐ ŝŶ ůŝĨĞ͙ DŝƩ͕ ǁŚĂƚ ďƌĂ ƐŝnjĞ ĂƌĞ LJŽƵ͍ /͛ŵ Ă ϯϮ >ŝƐĂ ďƵƚ >ŽǀĂďůĞ ĚŽ ƚŚŝƐ ŐƌĞĂƚ ƉƵƐŚͲƵƉ ƐŽ / ůŽŽŬ ůŝŬĞ Ă ϯϮ ͊ dŚĂƚ͛Ɛ ŐƌĞĂƚ DŝƩ͕ ƐŽ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ WƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ hŶŝƚĞĚ ^ƚĂƚĞƐ ďƵƚ ŵŽƌĞ ŝŵƉŽƌƚĂŶƚůLJ͕ ,>ZE͛Ɛ ĐŽǀĞƚĞĚ DĂŶ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ zĞĂƌ ǁĂƌĚ͘ ,Žǁ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ĨĞĞů͍ zŽƵ ŬŶŽǁ ǁŚĂƚ͕ / Ăŵ ƐŽ ĞdžĐŝƚĞĚ >ŽƌŝŶĂ͊ / Ăŵ ĞdžĐŝƚĞĚ ƚŽ ůŽŽŬ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚ ƚŽ Ă ƉƌŽƐƉĞƌŽƵƐ ŵĞƌŝĐĂŶ ŵŝĚĚůĞͲĐůĂƐƐ͘ I’m looking forward to watching those who earn less than $60,000 per year rot and burn like they deserve to. I’m looking forward to hiding my tax returns. I’m looking forward to strapping my dog on the roof of my ĐĂƌ͘ /͛ŵ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĮŶĂů ŝŶƐƚĂůůĂƟŽŶ ŽĨ ƌĞĂŬŝŶŐ ĂĚ͘ ŶĚ >ŝŶĚĂ͕ /͛ŵ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ĨŽƌǁĂƌĚ ƚŽ ďĞĐŽŵĞ ,>ZE͛Ɛ ŶĞdžƚ DĂŶ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ LJĞĂƌ͊ /ƚ ĚŽĞƐ ƐŽƵŶĚ ĞdžĐŝƟŶŐ DŝƩ͘ ^Ž͕ DŝƩ͕ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ůŝŬĞ ǁŽŵĞŶ͍ ^ŽƌƌLJ͕ ĐŽŵĞ ĂŐĂŝŶ >ŽƌĂŝŶĞ͍ Ž LJŽƵ ůŝŬĞ ǁŽŵĞŶ͍ I love my wife very much. DŝƩ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ŬŶŽǁ ĂŶLJ ǁŽŵĞŶ͍ I love my wife very much, Lykke. KŬ DŝƩ ůĞƚ͛Ɛ ƚĂůŬ ĂďŽƵƚ LJŽƵƌ ĨĂŝƚŚ͘ ϭϵй ŽĨ ŵĞƌŝĐĂŶƐ ƐĂLJ ŝƚ ŵĂŬĞƐ ƚŚĞŵ ĨĞĞů ƵŶĐŽŵĨŽƌƚĂďůĞ ƚŚĂƚ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ Ă DŽƌŵŽŶ͘ ,Žǁ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ĨĞĞů ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĂƚ͍ zŽƵ ŬŶŽǁ͕ ďƌĂŚĂŵ >ŝŶĐŽůŶ ĐĂůůĞĚ ŵĞƌŝĐĂ ͞ƚŚĞ ůĂƐƚ ďĞƐƚ ŚŽƉĞ ŽĨ ĞĂƌƚŚ͘͟ /Ĩ ĞůĞĐƚĞĚ͕ / ŝŶƚĞŶĚ ƚŽ ƉƌŽĐĞĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ ĨŽƌĞŝŐŶ ƉŽůŝĐLJ ǁŝƚŚ ĐůĂƌŝƚLJ ĂŶĚ ƌĞƐŽůǀĞ͘ ŌĞƌ Ăůů͕ ƚŚĞ ďĞƐƚ ĂůůLJ ǁŽƌůĚ ƉĞĂĐĞ ŚĂƐ ĞǀĞƌ ŬŶŽǁŶ ŝƐ Ă ƐƚƌŽŶŐ ŵĞƌŝĐĂ͘ ^ŽƌƌLJ͕ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ŶŽƚ ƌĞĂůůLJ ĂŶƐǁĞƌŝŶŐ ŵLJ ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶ͘ ,Ă ŽŬ ƚŚĞŶ >ƵůĂ͘ >ŽŽŬ / ƚŚŝŶŬ ǁĞ ŵŝŐŚƚ ďĞ ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ŽƵƚ ŽĨ ƟŵĞ͘ / ƚŚŝŶŬ /͛ǀĞ ŐŽƚ ƟŵĞ ĨŽƌ ŽŶĞ ŵŽƌĞ ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶ͘ /ƚ͛Ɛ ŶŽƚ ƌĞĂůůLJ Ă ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶ͕ ŵŽƌĞ ŽĨ Ă ƐƚĂƚĞŵĞŶƚ͘ /͛Ě ďĞ ĂďƐŽůƵƚĞůLJ ƚĞƌƌŝĮĞĚ ŝĨ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ĞůĞĐƚĞĚ͘ That’s great Lorinda. Speak to you next year when I go for my back-­‐to-­‐back award! THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 12 -­‐

HLRN Person of the Year James Apps

KEd E Z Ϯ ͗ Z < K D /Ŷ ƚŚŝƐ dŝŵĞ DĂŐĂnjŝŶĞ ĞdžĐůƵƐŝǀĞ, an American hero comes face to face ǁŝƚŚ ƚŚĞ ŵĂŶ ƐƵĐĐŝŶĐƚůLJ ĚĞƐĐƌŝďĞĚ ďLJ ,ĂŶŬ tŝůůŝĂŵƐ :ƌ ĂƐ ͚Ă DƵƐůŝŵ WƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ ǁŚŽ ŚĂƚĞƐ ĨĂƌŵŝŶŐ͕ ŚĂƚĞƐ ƚŚĞ ŵŝůŝƚĂƌLJ͕ ŚĂƚĞƐ ƚŚĞ h͘^͛͘ DĞĞƚ WƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ ĂƌĂĐŬ ,ƵƐƐĞŝŶ KďĂŵĂ ǁŚŽ͕ ĂŌĞƌ ĨŽƵƌ LJĞĂƌƐ ŽĨ ŶŽ ƐĐƌƵƟŶLJ Žƌ ĂĐĐŽƵŶƚĂďŝůŝƚLJ͕ ŝƐ ĮŶĂůůLJ ŵĂĚĞ ƚŽ ĂŶƐǁĞƌ ƚŚĞ ƚŽƵŐŚ ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƐ ďLJ ƚŚĞ ůƵĐŝĚ and un-­‐senile Clint Eastwood. Eastwood Hussein Eastwood

^Ž͕ Dƌ͘ WƌĞƐŝĚĞŶƚ͕ ŚŽǁ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ŚĂŶĚůĞ ƉƌŽŵŝƐĞƐ ƚŚĂƚ LJŽƵ ŚĂǀĞ ŵĂĚĞ ǁŚĞŶ LJŽƵ ǁĞƌĞ ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ĞůĞĐƟŽŶ͕ ĂŶĚ ŚŽǁ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ŚĂŶĚůĞ ƚŚĞŵ͍

Hussein

I didn’t say shut up Clint! I would just like to...

Eastwood

K<͕ / ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ŵĂLJďĞ ŝƚ ǁĂƐ ũƵƐƚ ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ ƐŽŵĞďŽĚLJ ŚĂĚ ƚŚĞ ƐƚƵƉŝĚ ŝĚĞĂ ŽĨ ƚƌLJŝŶŐ ƚĞƌƌŽƌŝƐƚƐ ŝŶ ĚŽǁŶƚŽǁŶ EĞǁ zŽƌŬ ŝƚLJ͘ /͛ǀĞ ŐŽƚ ƚŽ͘​͘​͘ƚŽ ŚĂŶĚ ŝƚ ƚŽ LJŽƵ͘ / ŚĂǀĞ ƚŽ ŐŝǀĞ ĐƌĞĚŝƚ ǁŚĞƌĞ ĐƌĞĚŝƚ ŝƐ ĚƵĞ͘ zŽƵ ĚŝĚ ĮŶĂůůLJ ŽǀĞƌƌƵůĞ ƚŚĂƚ ĮŶĂůůLJ͘ ŶĚ ƚŚĂƚ͛Ɛ ͲͲŶŽǁ ǁĞ ĂƌĞ ŵŽǀŝŶŐ ŽŶǁĂƌĚ͘ / ŬŶŽǁ LJŽƵ ǁĞƌĞ ĂŐĂŝŶƐƚ ƚŚĞ ǁĂƌ ŝŶ /ƌĂƋ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĂƚ͛Ɛ ŽŬĂLJ͘ Ƶƚ LJŽƵ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ƚŚĞ ǁĂƌ ŝŶ ĨŐŚĂŶŝƐƚĂŶ ǁĂƐ K<͘ zŽƵ ŬŶŽǁ͕ / ŵĞĂŶ ͲͲ LJŽƵ ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ƚŚĂƚ ǁĂƐ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ ǁŽƌƚŚ ĚŽŝŶŐ͘ tĞ ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚ ĐŚĞĐŬ ǁŝƚŚ ƚŚĞ ZƵƐƐŝĂŶƐ ƚŽ ƐĞĞ ŚŽǁ ĚŝĚ ŝƚ ͲͲ ƚŚĞLJ ĚŝĚ ƚŚĞƌĞ ĨŽƌ ϭϬ LJĞĂƌƐ͘

Hussein

Well look that’s a bit....

Eastwood

But we did it, and it is something to be thought about, and I think that, when we get to maybe -­‐-­‐I think LJŽƵ͛ǀĞ ŵĞŶƟŽŶĞĚ ƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ ĂďŽƵƚ ŚĂǀŝŶŐ Ă ƚĂƌŐĞƚ ĚĂƚĞ ĨŽƌ ďƌŝŶŐŝŶŐ ĞǀĞƌLJďŽĚLJ ŚŽŵĞ͘ zŽƵ ŐĂǀĞ ƚŚĂƚ ƚĂƌŐĞƚ ĚĂƚĞ͕ ĂŶĚ / ƚŚŝŶŬ Dƌ͘ ZŽŵŶĞLJ ĂƐŬĞĚ ƚŚĞ ŽŶůLJ ƐĞŶƐŝďůĞ ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶ͕ LJŽƵ ŬŶŽǁ͕ ŚĞ ƐĂLJƐ͕ tŚLJ ĂƌĞ LJŽƵ ŐŝǀŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĚĂƚĞ ŽƵƚ ŶŽǁ͍ tŚLJ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ LJŽƵ ũƵƐƚ ďƌŝŶŐ ƚŚĞŵ ŚŽŵĞ ƚŽŵŽƌƌŽǁ ŵŽƌŶŝŶŐ͍͟ ŶĚ / ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ͲͲ / thought, yeah -­‐-­‐ I am not going to shut up, it is my turn.

Hussein

Again, Clint, I didn’t say shut up. In fact, I do think that it’s my tur....

Eastwood

^Ž ĂŶLJǁĂLJ͕ ǁĞ͛ƌĞ ŐŽŝŶŐ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ ͲͲ ǁĞ͛ƌĞ ŐŽŝŶŐ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ Ă ůŝƩůĞ ĐŚĂƚ ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĂƚ͘ ŶĚ ƚŚĞŶ͕ / ũƵƐƚ ǁŽŶĚĞƌĞĚ͕ Ăůů ƚŚĞƐĞ ƉƌŽŵŝƐĞƐͲͲ / ǁŽŶĚĞƌĞĚ ĂďŽƵƚ ǁŚĞŶ ƚŚĞ ͲͲ ǁŚĂƚ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ǁĂŶƚ ŵĞ ƚŽ ƚĞůů ZŽŵŶĞLJ͍ / can’t tell him to do that. I can’t tell him to do that to himself.

Hussein

džĐƵƐĞ ŵĞ͕ Dƌ ĂƐƚǁŽŽĚ͘ dŚŝƐ ŝƐ ĞdžƚƌĞŵĞůLJ ƌƵĚĞ͘ zŽƵ ĂƌĞ ŶŽƚ ůĞƫŶŐ ŵĞ ƐĂLJ ĂŶLJƚŚŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ / Ăŵ ƌĞĂůůLJ confused by the fact you won’t stop looking at my chair. I would like to answer some of the alleg...

Eastwood

zŽƵ͛ƌĞ ĐƌĂnjLJ͕ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ĂďƐŽůƵƚĞůLJ ĐƌĂnjLJ͘ zŽƵ͛ƌĞ ŐĞƫŶŐ ĂƐ ďĂĚ ĂƐ ŝĚĞŶ͘

tĞůů ĮƌƐƚ ŽĨ Ăůů͕ ƚŚĂŶŬ LJŽƵ ĨŽƌ ƚŚŝƐ ŽƉƉŽƌƚƵŶ͘​͘​͘ / ŵĞĂŶ͕ ǁŚĂƚ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ƐĂLJ ƚŽ ƉĞŽƉůĞ͍ Ž LJŽƵ ũƵƐƚ ͲͲ LJŽƵ ŬŶŽǁͲͲ / ŬŶŽǁ ͲͲ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ǁĞƌĞ ǁŽŶĚĞƌŝŶŐ ͲͲ LJŽƵ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ͲͲ ŚĂŶĚůĞ ƚŚĂƚ K<͘ tĞůů͕ / ŬŶŽǁ ĞǀĞŶ ƉĞŽƉůĞ ŝŶ LJŽƵƌ ŽǁŶ ƉĂƌƚLJ ǁĞƌĞ ǀĞƌLJ ĚŝƐĂƉƉŽŝŶƚĞĚ ǁŚĞŶ LJŽƵ ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚ ĐůŽƐĞ 'ŝƚŵŽ͘ ŶĚ / ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ͕ ǁĞůů ĐůŽƐŝŶŐ 'ŝƚŵŽ ͲͲ ǁŚLJ ĐůŽƐĞ ƚŚĂƚ͕ ǁĞ ƐƉĞŶƚ ƐŽ ŵƵĐŚ ŵŽŶĞLJ ŽŶ ŝƚ͘ Ƶƚ͕ / ƚŚŽƵŐŚƚ ŵĂLJďĞ ĂƐ ĂŶ ĞdžĐƵƐĞͲͲ ǁŚĂƚ ĚŽ LJŽƵ ŵĞĂŶ ƐŚƵƚ ƵƉ͍

ͻ ůŝŶƚ ĂƐƚǁŽŽĚ ŝƐ ŵĞƌŝĐĂ͛Ɛ ŵŽƐƚ ƌĂĚŝĐĂů ĂŶĚ ĐŽŶƚƌŽǀĞƌƐŝĂů ĨĞŵŝŶŝƐƚ͘ ,ŝƐ ďĞƐƚͲŬŶŽǁŶ ǁŽƌŬ ŝŶĐůƵĚĞƐ dǁŽ DƵůĞƐ ĨŽƌ ^ŝƐƚĞƌ ^ĂƌĂ͕ >ĂĨĂLJĞƩĞ ƐĐĂĚƌŝůůĞ ĂŶĚ dŚĞ &ŝƌƐƚ Travelling Saleslady.

THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 13 -­‐

Hi gh Ho rse

AFL

Australian Females Love [It Too]

dob a Sherrin as far into the forward 50 as a guy ĐĂŶ͕ ĚŽĞƐŶ͛ƚ ŵĞĂŶ ǁĞ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ŬŶŽǁ ŽƵƌ ƐƚƵī ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĞ ƐƵď ƌƵůĞ͕ ƚŚĞ ^ǁĂŶƐ͛ 'ƌĂŶĚ &ŝŶĂů ƐůŝŶŐƐŚŽƚ ƐƚƌĂƚĞŐLJ Žƌ DĂƩLJ ^ĐĂƌůĞƩ͛Ɛ ŵĞĂŶ ƌŝŐŚƚͲŚŽŽŬ͘ Forcing my male friends to acknowledge my in-­‐ depth understanding of the game is harder than ŐĞƫŶŐ /ƐƌĂĞů &ŽůĂƵ ƚŽ ŬŝĐŬ ƐƚƌĂŝŐŚƚ͘ Ƶƚ ƚŚĂƚ͛Ɛ Ă ďŝƚ ƌŽƵŐŚ ŽŶ /njnjLJ͘ / ĐĂŶ ŝĚĞŶƟĨLJ Ăůů ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ƌŽǁƐ players by name, guernsey and eye colour in a heartbeat, and my match day commentary ŝƐ ƐƉƌŝŶŬůĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ DĐ ǀĂŶĞLJͲůŝŬĞ ͞ĚĞĞĞůŝĐŝŽƵƐ͟ moments. I’m a football tragic, not just a Crows fan.

DĂƟůĚĂ ŽŶůŽŶ DĂƟůĚĂ ŽŶůŽŶ ŚĂƐ ďĞĞŶ Ă ƌŽǁƐ ƐƵƉƉŽƌƚĞƌ for as long as she can remember. Shockingly, DĂƟůĚĂ ŚĂƐ ĂůƐŽ ďĞĞŶ Ă Őŝƌů ĨŽƌ ĂƐ ůŽŶŐ ĂƐ ƐŚĞ ĐĂŶ ƌĞŵĞŵďĞƌ ďƵƚ ŝƚ ŚĂƐŶ͛ƚ ƉƵƚ ŚĞƌ Žī ǁĂƚĐŚŝŶŐ AFL. She would like to take this opportunity to pay a free kick to other female footy fans. In the last four AFL seasons, I have only missed ĮǀĞ ƌŽǁƐ ŚŽŵĞ ŐĂŵĞƐ͘ zĞƐ͕ / ǁĞĂƌ Ă ƌĞĚ͕ LJĞůůŽǁ ĂŶĚ ďůƵĞ ƐĐĂƌĨ ƚŽ ĞǀĞƌLJ ŐĂŵĞ͘ zĞƐ͕ / love the roar of the crowd and atmosphere at AAMI Stadium (please understand that this has nothing to do with the actual appearance of the stadium, because it is uglier than the ĐŽůůĞĐƟǀĞ ŽůůŝŶŐǁŽŽĚ ĐŚĞĞƌ ƐƋƵĂĚͿ͘ ŶĚ LJĞƐ͕ / Ăŵ ŶŽƚ ũƵƐƚ ƚŚĞƌĞ ƚŽ ǁĂƚĐŚ ^ĐŽƩ dŚŽŵƉƐŽŶ͛Ɛ ŵƵƐĐůĞƐ ŇĞdž Žƌ dĂLJůŽƌ tĂůŬĞƌ͛Ɛ ŵƵůůĞƚ ďůŽǁ ŝŶ the wind. Cue looks of shock and horror from male footy ĨĂŶĂƟĐƐ ĞǀĞƌLJǁŚĞƌĞ ǁŚŽ ĨĂŝů ƚŽ ƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚ that someone without a goal post in their pants could possibly be interested in, let ĂůŽŶĞ ƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚ ǁŚĂƚ ŚĂƉƉĞŶƐ ŽŶ ĮĞůĚ͘ :ƵƐƚ because The Age football columnist and Footy ůĂƐƐŝĮĞĚ ƉĂŶĞůůŝƐƚ ĂƌŽ tŝůƐŽŶ͕ D ' ŐŽĂů ƵŵƉŝƌĞ ŚĞůƐĞĂ ZŽīĞLJ ĂŶĚ / ĐĂŶ͛ƚ ŶĞĐĞƐƐĂƌŝůLJ

There’s plenty for girls to like about footy! A fun1 car trip down to West Lakes, hot chips and Bernie sŝŶĐĞ͘ KŶůLJ ŬŝĚĚŝŶŐ͘ tŚĂƚ / ůŽǀĞ ŵŽƐƚ ĂďŽƵƚ &>͕ ĂŶĚ Ăůů ƐƉŽƌƚƐ͕ ĂƌĞ ƚŚĞ ũŽLJŽƵƐ ŚŝŐŚƐ ĂŶĚ ƐŚĂƩĞƌŝŶŐ lows that come with following a team. It’s a bonus that the length of your car journey to the end of the earth (aka AAMI Stadium) allows you to whinge ŵŽƌĞ ƚŚĂŶ EŝĐŬ DĂdžǁĞůů ĂŌĞƌ ĞǀĞƌLJ ƵŵƉŝƌŝŶŐ decision. ŌĞƌ Ă ǁŝŶ͕ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ĐŽŵƉƵůƐŽƌLJ ĨŽƌ ĨƵůůͲŽŶ ĨĂŶƐ ƚŽ ŇLJ ƚŚĞŝƌ scarves out of the car window on the drive home, ĚŝƐƉůĂLJŝŶŐ ƚŚĞŝƌ ĚĞĚŝĐĂƟŽŶ ǁŚŝůƐƚ ŐŝǀŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ŐůĂƐƐ Ă ĚƵƐƚ͘ ĚĞǀĂƐƚĂƟŶŐ ůŽƐƐ͕ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ŽƚŚĞƌ ŚĂŶĚ͕ Ăƚ ůĞĂƐƚ provides a good opportunity to do some serious soul searching on the walk back to your Toyota

“&ŽƌĐŝŶŐ ŵLJ ŵĂůĞ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ ƚŽ ĂĐŬŶŽǁůĞĚŐĞ ŵLJ ŝŶͲĚĞƉƚŚ ƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚŝŶŐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŐĂŵĞ ŝƐ ŚĂƌĚĞƌ ƚŚĂŶ ŐĞƫŶŐ /ƐƌĂĞů &ŽůĂƵ ƚŽ ŬŝĐŬ ƐƚƌĂŝŐŚƚ͘ ;ŽĸĐŝĂů ƐƉŽŶƐŽƌ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ &>͕ ŶŽƚ ŽĨ ƚŚŝƐ ĂƌƟĐůĞͿ͘ zŽƵ ŶĞĞĚ ŽŶůLJ ůŽŽŬ ĂƌŽƵŶĚ ƚŽ ĮŶĚ ĨĞůůŽǁ ĚŝƐŚĞĂƌƚĞŶĞĚ ĨĂŶƐ ĂƐŬŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ ƐĂŵĞ ƉĂŝŶĨƵů ƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƐ͖ ͞tŚĞƌĞ ĚŝĚ ŝƚ Ăůů ŐŽ ǁƌŽŶŐ͍ tŚĞƌĞ ǁĂƐ ŽƵƌ ĚĞĨĞŶƐŝǀĞ ƉƌĞƐƐƵƌĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ƚŚŝƌĚ ƋƵĂƌƚĞƌ͍ ͙tŚĞƌĞ ĚŝĚ / ƉĂƌŬ ƚŚĞ ĐĂƌ͍͊͟ 1

Subject to change.

THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 14 -­‐

So for the real female fans, it’s not about the six packs or spectacular arm muscles (but well done anyway, Jobe Watson, well done). It’s about the ǁŚŽůĞ ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ ŽĨ ĨŽůůŽǁŝŶŐ Ă ĐůƵď͕ ƐƟĐŬŝŶŐ with them through ups and downs, booking ŇŝŐŚƚƐ ƚŽ DĞůďŽƵƌŶĞ ďĞĨŽƌĞ ƚŚĞLJ ĞǀĞŶ ŵĂŬĞ ƚŚĞ 'ƌĂŶĚ &ŝŶĂů ;ůĞƚ͛Ɛ ŶŽƚ ŐŽ ƚŚĞƌĞ͕ ŝƚ ƐƟůů ŚƵƌƚƐͿ ĂŶĚ cheering so loudly you lose your voice.

New Rules in 2013 ZƵĐŬ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ ĐƵƚďĂĐŬ ʹ ZƵĐŬŵĞŶ ĂƌĞ ŶŽƚ ĂůůŽǁĞĚ ƚŽ ŵĂŬĞ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ ǁŝƚŚ ĞĂĐŚ ŽƚŚĞƌ ƵŶƟů ĂŌĞƌ ƚŚĞ ďĂůů ŚĂƐ ďĞĞŶ ďŽƵŶĐĞĚ͘ <ĞĞƉ LJŽƵƌ hands and your hair to yourself, Nic Nat!

Interchange cap ʹ ůŝŵŝƚ ŽĨ ϴϬ ďĞŶĐŚ ƌŽƚĂƟŽŶƐ per game will be trialled in the pre-­‐season. dŽ ĮŶŝƐŚ͕ /͛ǀĞ ƉƌŽǀŝĚĞĚ Ă ƐƵŵŵĂƌLJ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŶĞǁůLJ Benchwarmers everywhere announced today announced umpiring changes for next season that they’re thrilled to be given the chance to ;ƐĞĞ͕ / ŬŶŽǁ ƌƵůĞƐ͊Ϳ͘ >Ğƚ͛Ɛ ƐĞĞ ŚŽǁ ƚŚĞ ŇƵŽƌŽ get their new sprigs dirty. ŝĚŝŽƚƐ ŽŶͲĮĞůĚ ŐŽ ŝŶƚĞƌƉƌĞƟŶŐ ƚŚĞƐĞ͙ &Žƌ ƚŚĞ record, I do not condone the abuse of umpires. hŵƉŝƌĞ ďĂůů ƵƉƐ – Apart from the centre bounce But someone seriously needs to tell that one Ăƚ ƚŚĞ ƐƚĂƌƚ ŽĨ Ă ƋƵĂƌƚĞƌ Žƌ ĂŌĞƌ Ă ŐŽĂů͕ Ăůů ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ŚĂůĩĂĐŬ ŇĂŶŬ ƚŚĂƚ ĂŶ ŝŶĐŽƌƌĞĐƚ ĚŝƐƉŽƐĂů ƐƚŽƉƉĂŐĞƐ ǁŝůů ƌĞƋƵŝƌĞ ďĂůů ƵƉƐ ;/͛ŵ ƐƵƌĞ ƚŚĞLJ͛ůů means holding the baaaall!!!! balls it up anyway)

ŝZĂŶƚ

Tilda Willman

/Ŷ Ă ǁŽƌůĚ ǁŚĞƌĞ͕ ŝĨ LJŽƵƌ ƉƌŽĚƵĐƚ ŝƐŶ͛ƚ ƉƌĞĮdžĞĚ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ůŽǁĞƌ ĐĂƐĞ ͚Ğ͛ Žƌ ͚ŝ͕͛ ŝƚ ũƵƐƚ ĂŝŶ͛ƚ ǁŽƌƚŚ ƐĞůůŝŶŐ͕ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ƟŵĞ ƚŽ ǁŽŶĚĞƌ ǁŚĞƚŚĞƌ ƚŚŝŶŐƐ ŚĂǀĞ ŐŽŶĞ ƚŽŽ far. When the iPod arrived, it brought with it a new era of technology, nay a new way of life. And I have no problem with the iPod, or eMail, or eBay, or ĞǀĞŶ ƚŚĞ ŝ<ĞĂ Ğ ĂƚŽůŽŐƵĞ͘ Ƶƚ ǁŚĞŶ ƚŚĞ ŚƵŵďůĞ WĂĚ ďĞĐĂŵĞ ͚ŝ͕͛ / ďĞŐĂŶ ƚŽ wonder where it would end. Already eBooks are emptying the leather-­‐bound contents of our mahogany ƐŚĞůǀĞƐ ŝŶƚŽ ϴ͘ϱŽnj ŽĨ ƵŶĂĚƵůƚĞƌĂƚĞĚ ůŝƚĞƌĂƚƵƌĞ ;ǁŝƚŚ Ă ͚ŚŝŐŚ ĐŽŶƚƌĂƐƚ Ğ/ŶŬ ƐĐƌĞĞŶ͛ ĂŶĚ ͚ĐƌŝƐƉ͕ ĚĂƌŬ ĨŽŶƚƐ͛Ϳ͘1 And I’ll avoid going into too much detail on ƚŚĞ ͚ŝŶƐ ĂŶĚ ŽƵƚƐ͛ ŽĨ ĚƵůƚƐŚŽƉ͘ĐŽŵ͛Ɛ ͚ŝ'ĂƐŵ͛2 ͗ Ă ǀŝďƌĂƟŶŐ ǀĂƌŝĂƟŽŶ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƌĞ ĐŽŶǀĞŶƟŽŶĂů ŚĞĂĚƉŚŽŶĞƐ ĨŽƌ LJŽƵƌ͕ Ğƌ͕ ͚ůŝƐƚĞŶŝŶŐ͛ ƉůĞĂƐƵƌĞ͘ hŶĚŽƵďƚĞĚůLJ͕ ǁŚĞŶ ͚ŝ͛ ĞŶƚĞƌĞĚ ƚŚĞ ŬŝƚĐŚĞŶ͕ ŝƚ ƌĞĂůŝƐĞĚ ŝƚ ŚĂĚ ŐŽŶĞ ƚŽŽ ĨĂƌ͘ <ƌĂŌ͛Ɛ ͚ŝ^ŶĂĐŬ Ϯ͘Ϭ͛ ǁĂƐ Ă ŵĂƌŬĞƟŶŐ ĚŝƐĂƐƚĞƌ͘ ŶĚ ƚŚĞƌĞ͛Ɛ Ă ƉƌĞƩLJ ĐůĞĂƌ ƌĞĂƐŽŶ ǁŚLJ͘ /Ĩ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ͚ŝ͕͛ ƚŚĞŶ LJŽƵ͛ƌĞ ĐŽŽů͘ zŽƵ͛ƌĞ ƚĞĐŚŶŽůŽŐŝĐĂůůLJ ĂĚǀĂŶĐĞĚ ĂŶĚ ǁĂŶƚ ƚŽ ďĞ ĂďůĞ ƚŽ ƐƚŽƌĞ Ăƚ ůĞĂƐƚ ϮϬϬ' ;ŝ^ŶĂĐŬ Ϯ͘Ϭ ŝƐ ƐŝƫŶŐ Ăƚ Ă ŚŽƌƌŝďůLJ ůŽǁ ϭϰϱŐͿ͘ WĞŽƉůĞ ǁĂŶƚ ƚŚĞŝƌ ƚĞĐŚŶŽůŽŐLJ ƚŽ ďĞ ĐŽŽů͕ ďƵƚ ƚŚŝƐ ŝƐ ŶŽƚ Ă ƚƌĂŝƚ ƌĞƋƵŝƌĞĚ Ăƚ ďƌĞĂŬĨĂƐƚ ƟŵĞ͖ Ă ĚŽŵĂŝŶ ǁŚĞƌĞ ƐŶĂƉƉŝŶŐ͕ ĐƌĂĐŬůŝŶŐ ĂŶĚ ƉŽƉƉŝŶŐ ŝƐ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƚŽ ƐĞĐƵƌĞ Ă ƐŝŐŶŝĮĐĂŶƚ ŵĂƌŬĞƚ ƐŚĂƌĞ ĂŶĚ ďĞŝŶŐ Ă ĐƌƵŶĐŚLJ ŶƵƚ ŝƐ ĚĞƐŝƌĂďůĞ ĂŶĚ ŝŶ ŶŽ ǁĂLJ Ă ƌĞŇĞĐƟŽŶ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ƚĞdžƚƵƌĞ ŽĨ LJŽƵƌ ĂŶĂƚŽŵLJ͘ /͕ ĨŽƌ ŽŶĞ͕ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ǁĂŶƚ ŝ ŶLJƚŚŝŶŐ ŽŶ ŵLJ ŝdŽĂƐƚ͘ / ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ǁĂŶƚ ƚŽ ĐĂƚĐŚ ƚŚĞ ŝdƌĂŵ ƚŽ DLJhŶŝ ǁŚĞƌĞ / ƐƚƵĚLJ ŝ>Ăǁ ĂŶĚ Ă ŝƉ>ĂŶŐ ŝŶ Ğ^ƉĂŹŽů͕ ĂŶĚ / ĐĞƌƚĂŝŶůLJ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ǁĂŶƚ ƚŽ ǁŽƌŬ ŝŶ Ğ ŽŵŵĞƌĐĞ ǁŚĞŶ ŝ'ƌĂĚƵĂƚĞ͘ /͛ŵ ŚĂƉƉLJ ƚŽ ƵƐĞ ŵLJ ŝWŚŽŶĞ ƚŽ ƐƚŽƌĞ ŵLJ ĞdŝĐŬĞƚ ǁŚĞŶ / ŇLJ ƚŽ DĞůďŽƵƌŶĞ ŶĞdžƚ ǁĞĞŬ͕ ďƵƚ ŝĨ :Ğƚ^ƚĂƌ ĚŽŶ͛ƚ ĂĐĐĞƉƚ ŝƚ͕ /͛ůů ŵĂŬĞ ƚŚĞŵ ƌƵĞ ƚŚĞ ĚĂLJ ͚ŝ͛ ĐĂŵĞ ŽŶ ďŽĂƌĚ͘ ϭ Ϯ

dŚĞ <ŝŶĚůĞ ϯ͕ ƌĞƚĂŝůŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ Ψϳϵ Ăƚ ŵĂnjŽŶ͘ĐŽŵ /ƌŽŶŝĐĂůůLJ ĂůƐŽ ƌĞƚĂŝůŝŶŐ Ăƚ Ψϳϵ͘

THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 15 -­‐

͞

Johnson seems to be capable ŽĨ ƌĞůĞĂƐŝŶŐ ĮůŵƐ ŽŶůLJ ŝŶ ĞǀĞŶͲ numbered years.

Looper Disappointment WĂƚƌŝĐŬ DĐ ĂīƌŝĞ doesn’t watch movies at all that because he ŝƐ Ă ůŝƩůĞ ďƵƐLJ͕ ƐŽ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ŽĚĚ ƚŚĂƚ ŚĞ ǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌĞĚ ƚŽ ƌĞǀŝĞǁ ŽŶĞ of them. Nonetheless, he took on the task of reviewing a new release for this issue and, unfortunately, managed to take on ŽŶĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƐƚ ĞdžĐŝƟŶŐ͕ ĂŶĚ ǁĞůů ŬŶŽǁŶ͕ ĮůŵƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ LJĞĂƌ͙

T

ŚŝƐ ĐƟŽŶ ĂŶĚ ^ĐŝͲ&ŝ ŵŽǀŝĞ ŝƐ set in 2044 in a world where ƟŵĞͲƚƌĂǀĞů ŚĂƐ ďĞĞŶ ŝŶǀĞŶƚĞĚ͕ but outlawed, forcing those who want to use it onto the black market. This black market is ƵƐĞĚ ďLJ ĐƌŝŵŝŶĂů ŽƌŐĂŶŝƐĂƟŽŶƐ ƚŽ send those they want killed into the past where they are killed ďLJ ͞ůŽŽƉĞƌƐ͕͟ ĂƐƐĂƐƐŝŶƐ ƉĂŝĚ ǁŝƚŚ silver bars strapped to their ƚĂƌŐĞƚƐ͘ dŚĞ Įůŵ ƐƚĂƌƐ :ŽƐĞƉŚ 'ŽƌĚŽŶͲ>ĞǀŝƩ͕ ƌƵĐĞ tŝůůŝƐ ĂŶĚ Emily Blunt whose characters’ lives become entangled in a ĚƌĂŵĂƟĐ ĐŽŶŇŝĐƚ ǁŚŝĐŚ ƐĞƌǀĞƐ as the main story-­‐line of the movie. dŚĞ Įůŵ ǁĂƐ ƌĞůĞĂƐĞĚ ŝŶ September, which despite being autumn in the Northern ,ĞŵŝƐƉŚĞƌĞ ŝƐ ĂĐƚƵĂůůLJ ƐƉƌŝŶŐ ŝŶ

ƚŚĞ ^ŽƵƚŚĞƌŶ ,ĞŵŝƐƉŚĞƌĞ͘ dŚĞ ǁƌŝƚĞƌ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͕ ZŝĂŶ :ŽŚŶƐŽŶ͕ ŝƐ ĂůƐŽ ƚŚĞ ĚŝƌĞĐƚŽƌ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͘ Johnson previously wrote and ĚŝƌĞĐƚĞĚ ƚŚĞ ϮϬϬϲ Įůŵ ͚ ƌŝĐŬ͛ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ϮϬϬϴ Įůŵ ͚dŚĞ ƌŽƚŚĞƌƐ Bloom’, which both received ŐĞŶĞƌĂůůLJ ƉŽƐŝƟǀĞ ƌĞǀŝĞǁƐ͘ /ŶƚĞƌĞƐƟŶŐůLJ͕ :ŽŚŶƐŽŶ ƐĞĞŵƐ ƚŽ ďĞ ĐĂƉĂďůĞ ŽĨ ƌĞůĞĂƐŝŶŐ ĮůŵƐ ŽŶůLJ in even-­‐numbered years. More ŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƟŶŐůLJ͕ ƚŚĞ ƟƚůĞ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ has exactly the same number of vowels as it has consonants. ŽŝŶĐŝĚĞŶƚĂůůLJ͕ ƚŚĞ ĮƌƐƚ ŶĂŵĞƐ of each of the three stars of the Įůŵ Ăůů ŚĂǀĞ ŵŽƌĞ ĐŽŶƐŽŶĂŶƚƐ than vowels. With a budget of $30 million, ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͛Ɛ ƚĂŬŝŶŐƐ ŽĨ Ψϰϳ͕ϬϰϮ͕ϬϬϬ have more than made up for ƚŚĞ ĐŽƐƚƐ ŽĨ ƉƌŽĚƵĐŝŶŐ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͘ THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 16 -­‐

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This will no doubt please the ƉƌŽĚƵĐĞƌƐ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͕ ZĂŵ ĞƌŐŵĂŶ ĂŶĚ :ĂŵĞƐ ͘ ^ƚĞƌŶ͕ and the studios involved in >ŽŽƉĞƌ͛Ɛ ƉƌŽĚƵĐƟŽŶ ĂŶĚ ƌĞůĞĂƐĞ ǁŚŝĐŚ ŝŶĐůƵĚĞ &ŝůŵ ŝƐƚƌŝĐƚ͕ Endgame Entertainment and D' ŶƚĞƌƚĂŝŶŵĞŶƚ͘ WŽƚĞŶƟĂů viewers should be aware that ĂƐ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ ŚĂƐ Ă ƌƵŶŶŝŶŐ ƟŵĞ of one hour and 58 minutes, they should perhaps set aside a ^ĂƚƵƌĚĂLJ Žƌ ^ƵŶĚĂLJ ĂŌĞƌŶŽŽŶ ƚŽ ŐŝǀĞ ƚŚĞŵ ĞŶŽƵŐŚ ƟŵĞ ƚŽ ĚƌŝǀĞ ƚŽ ƚŚĞ ĐŝŶĞŵĂ͕ ũŽŝŶ ƚŚĞ ƋƵĞƵĞ ƚŽ ƉƵƌĐŚĂƐĞ ƟĐŬĞƚƐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͕ ƉƵƌĐŚĂƐĞ ƟĐŬĞƚƐ ĨŽƌ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͕ purchase over-­‐priced snacks and drinks and then walk into the theatre to sit through twenty ŵŝŶƵƚĞƐ ŽĨ ĂĚǀĞƌƟƐĞŵĞŶƚƐ͕ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞŶ ǁĂƚĐŚ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͘ As an end-­‐note, viewers might be interested to know that the Įůŵ ǁĂƐ ƌĞůĞĂƐĞĚ ŝŶ ƵƐƚƌĂůŝĂ ŽŶ ƚŚĞ ϮϳƚŚ ŽĨ ^ĞƉƚĞŵďĞƌ Ă ĨƵůů ĚĂLJ ďĞĨŽƌĞ ŝƚƐ ƌĞůĞĂƐĞ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ hŶŝƚĞĚ States of America and Europe. tŚĞŶ ĂƐŬĞĚ͕ ƚŚĞ Įůŵ͛Ɛ ƉƌŽĚƵĐĞƌƐ ǁŽƵůĚ ŶŽƚ ƉƌŽǀŝĚĞ ĂŶLJ ƉĂƌƟĐƵůĂƌ reason for the early release of ƚŚĞ Įůŵ ŝŶ ƵƐƚƌĂůŝĂ͘ hůƟŵĂƚĞůLJ͕ ƚŚŝƐ ƌĞǀŝĞǁĞƌ ǁĂƐ unimpressed. I give it 1 and a half kebabs out of 5.

Patrick McCaffrie

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Patrick McCaffrie, a trend-setter if ever there was one, keeps you up to date by reviewing the latest and hottest tracks to hit the airwaves and some more obscure numbers you might not have heard of.

Tame Impala Why Won’t They Talk To Me? 2Q WKLV WUDFN \RXQJ UXIÀDQV Tame Impala elect to provide a non-answer to a question no one asked. Despite believing that they are loners, this band is surprisingly popular. In fact, most music reviewers are rather eager to talk to any member of the psychedelic super-group who make Pink Floyd look like Bananarama had sex with Natalie Imbruglia. Despite the psycho-trance feel the band FODLP LQà XHQFHG WKLV SDUWLFXODU song, this reviewer ultimately felt that it sounded more like a B-52 B-Side with hints of the Baha Men, Paul Anka and super-group Starship. I hated all 3 of those groups and I hated this song. 3 and a half stars

THE  HILARIAN  02/2012 -­â€?  17  -­â€?

One Direction Live While We’re Young This is the sort of music that convinces any reviewer worth their salt to listen to white noise with the volume cranked to 11. As this piece lacked any lyrical inspiration, the music had a lot of catchup to do. Unfortunately the simple chord structure and year-3-piano fully failed to live up to the task. The endless repetition with which this song is played also leaves this reviewer thinking that less is more. And in this case, nothing is more. 3 and a half stars

Song Reviews Psy – Gangnam Style

Psy has been criticised by a truck-load of producers and music executives who all agree that he is a talentless, feckless, impotent, drugAdele – addicted, childless, alcoholic Skyfall whose success depends entirely on a backroom deal done with Satan. Despite The didactic surrealism those negative reviews, has experienced created by the innovative Psy success use of trumpets, trombones unprecedented and other brass instruments based mainly on a silly leaves the listener with a dance that he believes will feeling of apocalyptic fear guarantee him fame and similar to that created by fortune. Lets be honest, it Wagner’s ‘The Ring Cycle’. probably will. Best of luck to The stirring strings create a the lad! 3 and a half stars feeling of anticipation which suits the purpose of writing a theme for a James Bond movie. Unfortunately, the song is let down somewhat by the almost vowel-less title of the song and lyrical content which is entirely uninspiring. 3 and a half stars THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 18 -­‐

Rihanna – Diamonds This song is not worth as much as the allatrope of carbon with which it shares its title. Incidentally, if Rihanna had the same chemical composition and hardness that diamonds do then Chris Brown would not have posed any risk to her at all. However, if Rihanna had the same semiconductor properties as diamonds then she would likely have eloctructed herself on-stage at some point by now at which point her career ZRXOG ÀQDOO\ DWWUDFW P\ attention. 3 and a half stars.

Patrick McCaffrie

Flo Rida – I Cry Flo’s musical content aside, this track, and the rest of the album from which it comes, poses a potent challenge to the boring, hum-drum world of hiphop from which Flo Rida seeks to escape. Lyrically, this album challenges T. S. Eliot for content and makes Wilfred Owen look like a Hallmark hack. Flo lays down fat chops like a chef in an offal restaurant. The only downside here is that Flo seems unwilling to tackle the somewhat heavier lyrical content that he has in the past like the role of multi-grain bread in the disassembling of 21st Century society. Despite all of this…3 and a half stars

Sydney Swans – ‘Cheer, Cheer the Red and the White’

Fun – Some Nights

One can only describe the name of this band as borderline deliberately misleading and deceptive conduct. Nothing about this track, or any of the songs released by this turgid group, even remotely approaches ‘fun’. On the title track, lead singer Nate Reuss declares that “I was never one to believe the hype”. Well I’m certainly glad we agree on something Nate. 3 and a half stars. THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 19 -­‐

Despite being somewhat overplayed lately, the discordant piano and clashing vocal harmonies bring to mind early Stravinsky with undertones of late-period Stockhausen. The dissonance of the lyrical and musical content brings to the audience a deliberately ironically clear message about the frailty of humanity and the nature of social unrest DQG GLVKDUPRQ\ 7KH ÀQDO crescendo reminds us of the inevitable chasm of death into which we will all, oneday, sink. 3 and a half stars

e d  i s a ’ l t e n d e The  A Law  Stud Guide‌       Â

HOW TO: JUSTIFY YOUR PROCRASTINATION

HILARIAN’S HOW-TO GIRL, ALEXANDRA LONTOS, RETURNS WITH A BEGINNERS’ GUIDE TO THE ART OF PROCRASTINATION. Now we both know a good law student like you would never procrastinate. However, say-for-example-on-the-rare-chance-that-one-time-you-did . . . we both know that LW LV PRVW GHĂ€QLWHO\ DEOH WR EH MXVWLĂ€HG 6R UHDG RQ WR Ă€QG VRPH XQTXHVWLRQDEOH MXVWLĂ€FDWLRQV IRU VRPH RI \RXU IDYRXULWH ´, VKRXOG EH OLVWHQLQJ WR WKLV OHFWXUH but‌â€? activities. They’re undeniable and will make any accusations of you being a procrastinator look like they’re coming from a procrasti-hater.1 Television/Movies If your assignment is due tomorrow or you’re going to attempt some seminar prep then fear might try to pull you on to the couch, then guilt might try to tear you away from it. However, recent statistics may reveal that 80% of law students who watch law themed television materials instead of doing their readings are more likely to get HDs each semester.2 Ninety percent of the time, it works everytime.3 Also, it can increase motivation. In the last week alone, two separate people have told me that they were able to get successfully excited about Law School by watching the newly acclaimed Suits. Therefore, by making viewing choices like Boston Legal or /HJDOO\ %ORQGH \RX FRXOG DFWXDOO\ EH EHQHĂ€WLQJ \RXU ODZ VWXGLHVÂŤ DQG LQFUHDVLQJ awareness of the realities of what your future law career will be like (Hollywood looks, American accents and all). Coffee dates Catching up with your friends is never procrastination from work if it involves caffeinated beverages‌ It’s simple maths, really. Caffeine = less likely to fall asleep on top of a pile of case notes = distinctions. (YLGHQWO\ LI WKH ZKROH ODZ WKLQJ GRHVQ¡W ZRUN RXW ,¡G PDNH D Ă€QH PDWKHPDWLFLDQ 1 2 3

I don’t know if this actually makes any sense‌ but rhyming is fun! I said MAY. For no apparent reason, Anchorman references are a tradition in these articles.

THE  HILARIAN  03/2012 -­â€?  20  -­â€?

Facebook During a two hour law lecture make a FaceyB status/wallpost4 complaining about said lecture. Then see the amount of people in that room who ‘like’ it... go on. Even if you have only one mutual friend in the room (and assuming they’re too lazy to hand write), they will probably click that ‘like’ button within a second. The whole point of this experiment is not that science is way easier than law‌ it is that, in my humble view, the book of choice for law kids is the all mighty book of face. So, when the WHPSWDWLRQ WR FKHFN \RXU QRWLĂ€FDWLRQV RU GR D VQHDN\ VWDON5 gets the better of you during your law contact hours‌ make it feel productive. You could discuss a group assignment, send notes over inbox, make a really lame study event or keep up with the law chats group. Facebooking in this way is so productive that we should be able to get our law degrees just by logging in! General Daily Activities If you can justify that what you’re doing would further your law studies, then it’s not SURFUDVWLQDWLQJ IURP WKHP DW DOO $V ORQJ DV WKH MXVWLĂ€FDWLRQ LV ÂśIDLU DQG UHDVRQDEOH¡ LW¡V DOO JRRG ,I \RX¡UH ORRNLQJ DW RQOLQH VKRSSLQJ VLWHV GXULQJ D OHFWXUH WKDW¡V Ă€QH EHFDXVH WKH\ SUREDEO\ LQFOXGH PDQ\ RSWLRQV IRU FRUSRUDWH ZHDU RXWĂ€WV WKDW \RX PD\ QHHG LQ IXWXUH ,I \RX¡UH SOD\LQJ ),)$ WKDW¡V Ă€QH EHFDXVH WKH KDQG H\H FRRUGLQDWLRQ VNLOOV you’re practicing will allow you to perform better in your exam. ,I \RX¡UH GDQFLQJ WKDW¡V Ă€QH EHFDXVHÂŤ GDQFLQJ LV JUHDW See? Easy done! *** So, the next time you wonder how your plans to ‘be so productive today’ turned into D Ă HHWLQJ VHULHV RI HVFDSHG KRXUV SULQW VRPHWKLQJ KLJKOLJKW D VHQWHQFH WDE D SDJH make a ‘To Do’ list‌6 ,W WDNHV Ă€YH PLQXWHV VKRZV WKDW \RX¡UH RUJDQLVHG DQG PDNHV LW DQ XQGHQLDEOH IDFW that whatever procrastination you embarked upon must surely have been completely MXVWLĂ€HG 3OXVÂŤ SURFUDVWLQDWLRQ EDFNHG E\ MXVWLĂ€FDWLRQ ZLOO DOZD\V DZDNHQ LQVSLUDWLRQ WKDW leads directly to motivation that gives you the determination necessary to be law student of the nation!7 You Stay Classy Adelaide.

4 5 6 7

The author of this article would, however, never condone anything regarding a “like for a rateâ€? etc. Also, if u tlk lyk diz den u shuldnt b allowd on FB‌ no ofence, bebi gurl~x0x0x~ Check that they’re not sitting behind/near you‌ seriously, I’ve witnessed this happen (and it was hilarious). One time I even put “make a new To Do listâ€? as the first point on a weekly To Do list‌ it counts, okay? Above n 1. Also, this could make a fun little chant to yell at anyone who utters the words “shouldn’t you be studying?â€?

THE  HILARIAN  02/2012 -­â€?  21  -­â€?

y r t e r e Po n r Co Oh PPL Oh what the Hell You make no sense With you I wish I could dispense Eventually you all will know This course you ask? It really blows!

ʹ <͘ >͘ 'ƌĂŶƚŚĂŵ ;ϭƐƚ zĞĂƌ >Ăǁͬ ŽŵŵĞƌĐĞͿ

Law, Ugh Good God Y’all What is it good for? Absolutely nothing (sing it again now) Law, Ugh Good God Y’all What is it good for? Absolutely nothing Ͳ ĚǁŝŶ ^ƚĂƌƌ ;ϯƌĚ zĞĂƌ >Ăǁͬ ƌƚƐͿ

> t Ä W

Food at Brief’s cafe Your pies so well micro-­waved My e-­coli lunch.

-­‐ Naoko Fukazu (1st year Asian Studies) THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 22 -­‐

hŶĨŽƌƚƵŶĂƚĞůLJ ĂŶĚ ƐĂĚůLJ͕ dŚĞ ,ŝůĂƌŝĂŶ ŚĂƐ ŶĞŐůĞĐƚĞĚ dŚĞ ƌƚƐ ĨŽƌ ŵŽƐƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ LJĞĂƌ͘ ^Ž͕ ŝŶ ĂŶ ĂƩĞŵƉƚ ƚŽ ŵĂŬĞ ƵƉ ĨŽƌ ŝƚ ǁĞ ƉƌĞƐĞŶƚ ƚŽ LJŽƵ͕ ͚WŽĞƚƌLJ ŽƌŶĞƌ͛ ʹ Ă ƉůĂĐĞ ĨŽƌ ƐƚƵĚĞŶƚƐ ƚŽ ĞdžƉƌĞƐƐ themselves in verse and to make their feelings known on life, ůŽǀĞ ĂŶĚ ůĂǁ͘ tĞ ƉƌĞƐĞŶƚ ďĞůŽǁ Ă ƚĞĂƐĞƌ ŽĨ ǁŚĂƚ ŝƐ ƚŽ ĐŽŵĞ͙

Filled with dirty chairs While seemingly no one cares Though it’s just a foyer Should it not produce more lawyers? Staffed by front office clowns Worth a whole lot of pounds This rhyme recommends That y’all become friends…

Ͳ W͘ ͘ zŝĚĚŝƐŚ ;ϰƚŚ zĞĂƌ >Ăǁͬ ŽŵŵĞƌĐĞͿ

That neon sign That place is mine Y’all know I’m there Y’all know I’m fair Your choice is amazing The Law School’s appraising Its student body But Ligertwood aint shoddy!

-­‐ Crantham L Frackgrantham

A young law student of Adelaide, Wrote lim’ricks unspeakably bad(elaide), He’d spend all his time Trying to think of a rhyme And now he edits the Hilarian.

-­‐ Eds. THE HILARIAN 02/2012 -­‐ 23 -­‐

A Public Service Announcement

Ken DĞŶnj

As I approached the end of my law degree, the mantra that I repeated over and over to myself was ‘I will move to Canberra and work in the public service’. Well that is a lie, yet that is where I have found myself, in a ‘city’ that bureaucracy built. Canberra has a somewhat negative perception as being a soulless collection of roundabouts and cubicles with no reason to exist other than to give a place for public servants to have coffee and bitch about Canberra. And that perception is true to some extent. Living in Canberra is like living in a very nicely manicured park with a conspicuous lack of people. But don’t let that put you off selling your soul to become a career public servant! In order to encourage more of you young lads and lasses to consider strapping yourself to the public service rocket, let me list some of the positives of a Canberra lifestyle: Flextime: The most magic of all public service inventions, if you work anytime over your standard 7.5 hours a day, this becomes flextime which you can take off at any time in the future! You can literally do you whole 37.5 hour work week in just over 1.5 days and then the rest of the week is yours to think about those poor souls shackled to their desks all night in law firms with ‘real’ jobs. Acronyms: Everything in Canberra can be reduced to an acronym, why the public service itself is known as the APS. Come and work for the APS and soon you’ll be peppering your conversation with the likes of EL1, SES, DIAC and my personal favourite DIIRSTE, which sounds like a longforgotten Christina Aguilera remix. Celebrities, celebrities, celebrities: Living in the national capital means that you can get up close and personal with the nation’s living treasures – politicians! One day you might be haggling over the price of a second-hand sofa bed with Julia Gillard and the next day you might be sharing a rumba class with Christopher Pyne. Not only that, but Jackie Chan’s parents live in Canberra! Keep that autograph book handy as who knows who is around the corner! Floriade: Every September, Canberra has a four-week long flower festival! Flowers! Fun! Four weeks! Where do I sign up? Obscure agencies: Don’t be content with working for a Department which people may have heard of, there are nearly 300 individual agencies to choose from. Why not try your luck at the Commonwealth Food and Midwifery Industry Regulator (CoFMIR) or the Australian Asparagus Research Council (AARC) or even the Federal Manicurists Ombudsman (FMO). Confused tourists: The number one pastime in Canberra is meeting confused tourists when they realize that Canberra, not Sydney, is the capital of Australia! The top two questions are “Why does this place exist?” and “Why am I here?” Alcohol in supermarkets: In a welcome attempt to lure the more liquored in the community, the ACT allows supermarkets to sell alcohol, so no need for a separate trip to a bottle-o for you! All your shopping can be cut down to one trip, especially if your shopping only consists of soup for one and wine for six. Sydney: Canberra is only a three hour drive from Sydney. Sydney is a better place. So if that cannot tempt you into saddling onto the public service express with a one-way ticket to Canberra, then nothing will. But I have a feeling I will see some of your fresh faces here next year for a life of delicious government comfort.

THE HILARIAN 03/2012 -­‐ 24 -­‐

SELT

STUDENT Â EXPERIENCE Â OF Â LEARNING Â AND Â TEACHING

dĹšĹ?Ć? Ć?ĆľĆŒÇ€ÄžÇ‡ Ĺ?Ć? ĞǀĂůƾĂĆ&#x;ĹśĹ? ƚŚĞ Ä¨Ĺ˝ĹŻĹŻĹ˝Ç Ĺ?ĹśĹ? Ä?ŽƾĆŒĆ?Ğ͞Ć?Ϳ͗

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Use  a  DARK  PEN  to  mark  your  responses  as  follows:

X Yes

N/A

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Are  you  a  Law  student?  Amazing 7 6

1. Â

How  would  you  rate  The  Hilarian  so  far?

2. Â

Wasn’t  it  great?

3. Â

How  attractive  are  the  editors?

4. Â

Did  the  images  contribute  to  your  learning?

5. Â

What  were  your  views  on  page  12? Â

Strongly  Agree 7 6

6. Â

Reading  this  improved  with  alcohol

7. Â

The  magazine  was  free  from  discrimination

8. Â

The  Hilarian  is  a  preferable  alternative  to  On  Dit Â

9. Â

Envelope  cable  tube  sundae  organ-­clock?

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2YHUDOO , DP GLVVDWLVÂżHG ZLWK WKH TXDOLW\ RI WKLV magazine

5

Undecided 4 3

5

Undecided 4 3

2

Shit 1

N/A

Strongly  Disagree 2 1 N/A

Please  feel  free  to  rant  here.  John  Williams  will  take  this  into  account  in  selecting  next  year’s  editors. Â

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