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THE HILARIAN
THIRD EDITION 2013 Edition 3 2013 -1-
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THE HILARIAN
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AWARDS 2013
HILARIAN AULSS MAGAZINE THIRD EDITION 2013
Meet the Cast of the Adelaide Law Revue How to Hold the Perfect Party Stopping at the Boats How to Be in the Law Revue From the AULSS Confessions of a Law School Marker Lex Salus Exchange at Close Range Advice from the Lecturers First Year Confessions Spot the Law School Identity
4 8 9 12 14 18 19 22 24 26 27
Editors:
Will Maitland, Patrick McCaffrie and Alexandra Lontos
Contributors:
Ben Bishop, Nadia Baldassi-Winderlich, Nick Banks, Marie Hadley, Corinne Walding, Kellie Toole, Mark Giancaspro, Matilda Conlon, Hannah Martin, Charlie Hamra, Imogen Basedow and the AULSS
Publisher:
Print Solutions
This publication does not represent the views of the University of Adelaide Law School. This publication is not endorsed by the University of Adelaide Law School or the University of Adelaide generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the Adelaide University Law Students’ Society. THE HILARIAN
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Meet the Cast and Crew of the Law Revue
Law Revue 2013
as introduced by each other Will Maitland - Director
Will’s favourite food is potato salad. Mr Director, as he forced the cast to call him, used the tried and tested technique of bribing his actors with pizza in order to get results. Amused audience members agreed that this approach was successful, although of the 87 people who asked for a refund, more than half agreed that Will may have been more succesful had he fed the cast Chianti dinners instead. He spent the past year on exchange in France and is now the proud owner of the same accent as Lumiere, the talking candlestick from Beauty and the Beast. Patrick McCaffrie - Actor Patrick has been delighting and frightening viewers of the Revue for the past 5 years. While many say he’s past it, the veteran performer showed the audience that he still had a few acting tricks up his sleeve and proved to his fellow cast mates that his creative juices were still flowing – albeit more viscously. Pat is well suited to legal practice given his years of litigious experience as a defendant. He has represented himself in a variety of matters, both civil and criminal. If Pat refuses to comment, then please direct questions to his legal representative Mr Allan Perry. Matilda Conlon - Actor Matilda grew up in the north of Borneo and, despite speaking the local dialect fluently, was always shunned for her inability to properly pronounce the word ‘farji’. Matilda moved to Adelaide in 2006 where she supported herself by selling miniature ponies from her bungalow in Prospect. Having ridden on her father’s coattails for a number of years, Matilda has finally stepped out of the shadows to claim her own glory. This move was somewhat ill-advised as Matilda shrivelled in the spotlight in a performance that some have described as satisfactory and that others have failed to remember. Hugo Balnaves - Actor Renowned for his constant innuendo and lack of hygeine, Hugo brought a new brand of comedy to this year’s show. After finishing the Law Revue, Hugo kidnapped four cast members and forced them to perform in a travelling circus. Unfortunately, after several weeks, two cast members had been mauled to death by a dancing bear and one other was killed while attempting an ill-advised breakout from the Anaconda enclosure. Since returning from the Amazon, Hugo has begun busking on Hindley Street. He asked this author to ask you to give him money…please… THE HILARIAN
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Hannah Martin - Actor Hannah grew up in the middle of somewhere and has been trying to find herself ever since. Her musical skills developed from a young age when she formed a band with her younger siblings called “The Mad Martins”. These days, Hannah’s musical hobbies have been confined to an obsession with piano, singing the wrong lyrics to pop songs and spending her weekends perfecting the ‘slut drop’, a whorish dance move that made many a feature in performance this year. Ben Bishop - Actor With his dreamy blue eyes and un-tameable blonde hair, Ben would fit in perfectly with the Hitler Youth. Except that he is frightened by loud noises and can’t grow a moustache. Bishop has an unhealthy enthusiasm for the 90’s sitcom Heil Honey I’m Home and refused to answer questions about his lineage, neither confirming nor denying his ancestry. Ben spent rather too much time in the lead up to this Revue watching youtube videos of our former Prime Minister and, apart from brief appearances during the actual show, has not been seen since. Eleanor Kay - Actor Eleanor or ‘El’ as she is known to her friends (or ‘that total bitch’ as she is known to her enemies), is a well-respected member of the Revue. Her impression of Julia Gillard was considered by David Stratton as ‘something approaching accuracy’ and described by Margaret Pomeranz as ‘Oh amazing! It’s like! She’s the same person! Where does she get it from?’ Stratton still claims Gillard’s inclusion was a desperate attempt by writers to remain relevant in a fast-changing political environment.
Charlie Hamra - Actor Charlie was the only first-year in the cast and therefore had the pleasure of not understanding 93% of the show. He is a tenured professor in the Department of Bad Conga Lines, and refuses to let his avocado allergy stop him from enjoying a night on the town. Charlie is also proud to be Adelaide’s only forhire Mark Ruffalo look-alike. He would like to dedicate his Law Revue debut to Vanessa Carlton. Yes, the singer of ‘A Thousand Miles’. Let’s not go there.
Imogen Basedow - Actor Upon finishing her Law/Arts degree, Imogen plans to pursue a career in cat breeding in San Francisco. Just in case this bio finds its way into the hands of any potential suitors, her poison of choice is an amalgamation of peppermint tea and gin and tonic. Imogen was voted ‘Ms Quirky 2013’ which was no mean feat in a cast composed substantially of lunatics. Strawberry hard drive rainbow labrador ceiling satchel. Imogen also loves custard. THE HILARIAN
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Alexandra Lontos - Actor Alexandra Lontos is a brand new addition to the Law Revue cast in 2013. Without her endless optimism and penchant for over-using puns, the show would have been, well, slightly less optimistic and punny. Alexandra is noted for her skills in playing the flute, writing poetry, and proficiency in both Greek and Swedish, none of which proved in any way useful for the Law Revue. Audiences will be delighted, however, by her natural wit, scarily high-pitched voice when excited and rap moves. As Ally herself would say, “I didn’t choose the thug life. The thug life chose me”. Alex Stanley - Actor Alex Stanley’s eyes say business, his ears say nothing, and his beard says paedophile. Alex, a man suspicious for having two first-names, emerged from the short-lived Tijuana-based Tango Club and, after winning two Olympic Bronze medals in floor-dancing, came to Adelaide to appear on the stage. After some mediocre performances in the Revue, Alex moved to Cuba where he has settled down with his long-time partner Consuela. Since retired, Alex and Consuela are raising their family on a small farm in Santa Clara; his daughter is a lacrosse goalkeeper. Alex has now shaved his beard. Gemma Borrello - Actor Since gracing the stage bearing the name Latickle Matits, Gemma has been forced to keep a low profile in fear of being recruited by the powers that be at the Hindley Street precinct’s ‘Strats’ and ‘Crazy Horse’. To avoid joining the ranks of the working ladies or ‘dancers of the night’, Gemma has been busying herself with third year law readings along Adelaide’s East End, a move that initially caused confusion as Gemma was unaware that ‘Madam’ was simply the term presented to a lady awaiting her chai latte, and not that of an agent who manages the aforementioned strip-pole ascenders. Gemma likes pasties and the occasional back rub. Lawrence Ben - Actor Lawrence, or ‘fuck-stick’ as he was known by the cast, was a vital cog in this year’s production. While his performances were weak, his personality annoying and his singing sub-par, his twerking was, according to one audience member ‘memorable’. Someone else described his twerking as ‘frightening’; another as ‘horrifying’; a third described it as ‘proof there is no God’. Regardless of this criticism, Lawrence performed adequately in the 2013 Law Revue.
Nicola Rostron - Actor and Stage Manager Nicola Rostron cut her teeth as Danny in ‘Grease’ on Broadway and subsequently enjoyed a long run as the hot air balloon in ‘The Wizard of Oz’. Nicola lost her leg in a freak washing machine accident, at the age of 21 while taking part in an all-nude production of Hair. Lucky to escape with her life, she has since concentrated more on her writing. Nicola originally turned to the stage after a successful career in the world of competitive pigeon racing- her arms simply couldn’t take the stress anymore. THE HILARIAN
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Thomas Goodall - Tech Tom grew up on a small island west of Bermuda but, despite the climate, he spent most of his free time indoors due to his over-sensitive skin. Trapped in the family home with nothing but his grandfather’s old Kodak camera for company, it was thus that his passion for film editing was born and the reason why Tom feels so at home in the confined space of the Little Theatre lighting box. Tom is particularly fond of pumpkin flan and is afraid of flying. His greatest friend in life is Jemima, a singing parrot that has thus far learnt only the first three lines to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro.
Daria Shigapova - Backstage As her nickname suggests, Dasha was a ‘dashing’ back stage crew member. Having just returned from exchange in Singapore where she was helping to tame spider monkeys for the past three months, Dasha was too late to audition as a cast member and was forced to weep backstage as she watched on from behind the curtain. Dasha particularly enjoys chicken schnitzel and has a propensity to burst out laughing at even the most feeble of puns.
Leah Costanzo - Backstage Leah was one of the masterminds backstage this year, ensuring that the rest of the cast arrived onstage in time with the correct props and almost all of their buttons done up. Secretly wishing she’d been cast in ‘Beyond Reasonable Pout’, she instead settled for imitating the narrators from the Discovery Channel in her Snapchats throughout the show. Leah has plans to invade the stage next year where she hopes to play the clarinet whilst crumping to Beyonce. Leah is not a renowned script writer, but, just like Shakespeare, has been known to invent words in her everyday life.
The Hilarian is proudly supported by Lipman Karas, Clayton Utz and The Botanic Bar.
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e d i s a ’ l t e n d e A d The Law Stu Guide… How To: Hold the Perfect Party
Patrick McCaffrie
We know how all you young people out there like “the parties”, what with your boogie-ing and your rock ‘n’ roll music. So we thought we’d provide you with a short guide about how to host a first-rate party that will have all the ‘young-things’ talking.1 First, make sure your guests have enough snacks and nibblies – otherwise they might get hungry and you could have a riot on your hands! Best to put out a range of sumptuous snacks to delight your guests; recommended options include celery sticks with hommus, apple slices, salmon and rhubarb pate and my personal favourite, broccoli paste! With such a wide variety of healthy snacks you’re sure to be the vegemite toast of the town! Second, it’s important to provide your guests with beverages to last them through the night – nobody likes parched party guests. Make sure not to offer your guests alcoholic beverages though – over-stimulated guests risk becoming rowdy and causing a disturbance. Instead, make sure your party guests receive plenty of water, carbonated flavoured drinks and a selection of juices e.g. prune. If you’re feeling adventurous, try mixing your own juices to come up with a saucy combo – guests at a recent party of mine told me my combination of carrot, mango and spinach surprise – was “stunning”. (The “surprise” was sour cream) Third, you will want to be careful about what music you play at the party – if it’s too loud then your guests won’t be able to talk to each other but if it’s too soft people will be able to talk to each other. A carefully selected playlist of ‘toons’ should provide the perfect backdrop to a pleasant evening. We recommend 80’s English rockers Half-Man Half-Biscuit, the complete works of the St Barnard’s Primary School Liturgical Ensemble and anything by the Johnny Burnette Rock ‘n’ Roll Trio. (All these and more are available in the Law School Library’s restricted section – just ask to speak to DJ Saddam at the front desk). Last of all, guests like entertainment. If you’re a thespian, then thrill your guests with a live performance. An acquaintance of mine really rocked this party-goer’s world with a one-man performance of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. Or if music is more your thing then start a sing-along and marvel as your guests sing along to your jaunty tune. At my latest cocktail party my party guests were rollicking along to “white, white, let’s keep Australia white!” – it was a hoot! So, what are you waiting for? Start writing those invitations now! See you all at the next birthday, gala, soiree, banquet or debutant ball! 1
Usually these ‘How To’ articles are written by our resident expert, Ally Lontos. Unfortunately Ally was unavailable to write this article so the Editors were forced to ask Pat. Sadly, he doesn’t hold or even attend many parties. As such this article turned out much worse than planned.2
2
Ally did in fact write a ‘How To’ article, as can be seen on page 12. Pat insisted that his article be included anyway on the grounds that we can’t really afford not to use the material. He’s right.
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Stopping at the Boats Nadia Baldassi-Winderlich On the 7th of September, I voted in my very first election, but I spent the weeks before that actively avoiding the entire campaign. Oh, I paid vague attention to the highlights – we have to as law students. Otherwise, what could we sound pompous about in the law library (how about that government, eh? Passing more policies on stuff. Blah blah blah opinion)? But this entire election was so awful that much of the public studiously ignored it. Fair call, Australia – it was tough to watch Abbott and Rudd’s catfights and admit that one of them would be running the country soon. Problem is that we chose a terrible time to switch off. While the population has been sharing a collective cringe at the behaviour of our potential leaders, they’ve been plugging away on a particularly gruesome battleground – refugee policy. And as tempting as it is to just ignore our politicians and hope they go away, I think that we should pay a little more attention to them, at least when they’re making decisions which will impact the lives of countless people and shape the International Community’s perception of Australia. For those who missed out (ie: found that Facebook app which transforms any election posts into picture of animals), all you really need to know is that Abbott and Rudd spent the last few weeks of campaigning embroiled in an ‘any policy you can make, I can make harsher’ style conflict – think schoolyard THE HILARIAN
bickering (Labor hates boat people times infinity. Well, Liberal hates boat people times infinity plus one). We moved through excising Australia from the migration zone, to the wonderful PNG solution, to promises of only temporary protection visas, the removal of the Refugee Review Tribunal and the incredibly creepy-sounding Operation Blackout. Labor, of course, played their part in this – thanks to their ad campaigns, people smugglers won’t be able to flick through The Advertiser or relax during the commercial break in Offspring without being reminded that Australia is cracking down. But nobody beats Abbott for enthusiasm – just throw him a rope and a pair of speedos and he’ll tow those goddamn boats back himself. With his teeth. Why? That’s the interesting part. As far as I can tell, the main message of the election campaign wasn’t overpopulation or terrorists – this time around, the platforms were based on “compassion”. That is, the underlying message within every policy announcement was ‘stop the boats, stop the drownings. The politicians weren’t shying away from the fact that their policies will hurt people, but they were willing to put on their best stern faces and make the ‘tough decisions’ for the sake of future asylum seekers. There are always going to be issues with deterrence policies, because they involve making an example out of a particular group of people to send a message to the rest. But the idea of harsh decisions made for a just cause is prevalent in Western thought, and saving Edition 3 2013 -9-
Stopping at the Boats (continued) the lives of the future asylum seekers who could die at sea is a difficult cause to poke holes in. Compassion isn’t something to scoff at. If both our political parties have made the wellbeing of the world’s most desperate people a priority, then we should be proud of that fact. But this sort of compassion comes at a very high cost to some very vulnerable people, and because of that it’s our duty to question it. The first question is relatively straight forward – why does Australia’s compassion only apply to those in boats? Australia wants to protect asylum seekers from a very specific fate – drowning. But that isn’t the only danger that asylum seekers face. It isn’t as though these people are blindly fleeing a middleclass suburban existence – they’re not the Brady Bunch gone rogue, they’re real people fleeing real danger and persecution. In a way, asylum seekers are jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan – the journey they face is long and dangerous, but their fate in transition countries or their country of origin is hardly stable. So why have we decided that the best way to help is to deter them from coming here? It’s fundamentally illogical – like barring your door to people fleeing a burning building because you’re worried they’ll get hit by a car while crossing the road. Why not funnel money into the UNHCR processing centre on Indonesia, or, as was the case following the Vietnam War, send our own agents over there to assess claims? THE HILARIAN
Somehow, the fact that asylum seekers face bombing, beating and shooting in their home countries or years of waiting living as fugitives in Indonesia and Malaysia doesn’t faze us, whilst the possibility of them drowning en route is enough to justify radical policy changes. It’s as though there’s a morality checkpoint that these boats have to sail across before we care what’s happening to them. They leave Indonesian waters, and our compassion switch is activated. Suddenly their wellbeing is our concern. There’s a clear reason for this – they’re coming to us. They’re in our territory for the express purpose of reaching Australian land. It makes sense for us to care more about people who are feasibly within the scope of our duty. So why does that duty (and with it, our compassion) now end the second they touch down on Australian soil? Suddenly, the morality checkpoint has an off switch, and Australia has a specific zone in which we worry about Asylum Seekers.
“...the fact that asylum seekers face bombing, beating and shooting in their home countries ... doesn’t faze us...” The second question is easier to ask and harder to answer. If what we’re doing is for the good of these people…. Shouldn’t we be proud of it? Shouldn’t we be able to hold our heads high in the International Community? But we can’t - Australia was recently found guilty of around 150 breaches of International Law regarding its treatment of a group of Asylum seekers, and even leaving aside this damning condemnation of our policy, what is
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there to be proud of? The direct result of our ‘compassion’ would be forcing people to live either in the slums of transition countries without access to basic rights, or (if caught by the authorities) in prisons as illegal immigrants. Why should we worry about the rights of the unaccompanied minors on leaky boats headed for our borders and dismiss the plight of those left behind in Indonesia and Malaysia? Or further back, those whose lives are still in danger in countries of origin? We’ve heard a lot of talk about ‘removing the product’ the people smugglers are offering in order to deter asylum seekers. Wording it like that makes it seem justifiable, but truthfully this ‘product’ we’re removing is safety and security in a country that is meant to be civilised. The product is ‘our boundless plains to share’ (how’s that for false advertising, Australia – we’ll sue you!). That isn’t a solution, and it definitely isn’t compassionate. Unfortunately, in the election it was all that was on offer from the major political parties, and with Operation Sovereign Borders up and running, and our three star general in place it’s all that will be on offer for a while now. And that is
why no matter how many times politicians take selfies, wear lycra or twerk, we cannot switch off. We have to watch our political train wrecks until the end and beyond, for the sake of the people that our hardline policies are hurting. I know the election is finally over and this article is too late to change your vote. But this fight doesn’t stop just because you dropped your ballot in the box. That’s when it starts, because that’s when the talk becomes law and Australia is stuck with refugee policy that exploits innocent people for political gain. There’s still hope for you, even if you ticked the Labor box because you like fast internet, or the Liberal box because Tony Abbott in budgie smugglers just does it for you (we’ve all been there). I’m no “suppository of wisdom”, but I like to think that if we all band together and keep questioning the policies that our two parties are continuously vomiting out, we’ll be able to make a difference. So keep asking questions, Adelaide Law School. Stay informed on this issue, because it’s likely to hurt much more than it helps. Don’t let the refugee issue become the Bermuda Triangle to Australia’s moral compass.
COMMERCIAL CLIENT FOCUSED LAW FIRM THE HILARIAN Edition 1 3 2013 www.claytonutz.com/graduates - 11 -
HILARIAN’S ‘HOW-TO’ GIRL, ALEXANDRA LONTOS, PRESENTS…
HOW TO:
BE
OF R E B M E A CAST M
E U V E R LAW
OUR ‘HOW-TO’ GIRL, ALEXANDRA LONTOS, EXPLAINS ALL ABOUT LAW REVUE AND HOW IT COMES TOGETHER 1
Get involved
Well, duh. To ‘do’ law revue you have to be in it. It’s very hard describing what it is to someone who hasn’t heard of it but think of it as a law school related satire/comedy show/bizarre musical featuring men in tights. The audition process may be intimidating, but ‘you’ve got to risk it to get the biscuit’ (…and think of Law Revue as one of those amazing chocolate chip type biscuits). I have always considered Law Revue to be one of the best things that the law school produces each year (particularly when Pat directed it last year). So when fellow editor Will was made Director I knew I had to get involved. It helps to be confident in your audition and to pretend you have incredible singing skills (to which Will pointed out to me “good try… but I’ve seen all your singing snapchats…”). It also helps to avoid sending singing snapchats to any potential Revue director. 2
The Writing Stage
This initially involves meetings in any room on campus available at night time, atleast twice a week. Given that we had six weeks (way shorter than usual and what I originally considered impossible) to put on this production, we had to get serious straight away. By serious I mean, it was time to pull out all the stops… it was time to bring out… Shania Twain. Once we had agreed on the title of Man I Feel Like a Lawyer, we began writing the scripts and songs. We should probably formally apologise to anyone who had to overhear our rehearsals. Although… a loud chorus of “we’re up all night to just study” (to the tune of Daft Punk) coming from the classroom next to you probably feels like your own personal study anthem. So, really, we provided some wonderful motivation to those kids studying on campus late at night. Giving back to the community one mismatched harmony at a time. It’s impossible to summarise all that is involved in producing Law Revue in a short paragraph but let’s just say that this year featured things like scootering and skateboarding around the District Court in Judge’s wigs, practising dance moves and eating chocolate in the Ligertwood classrooms after hours and getting behind the Law School front office desk to film our own version of Border Security (Law School Security) and surviving the wrath of the front office ladies. 3
The Performance Stage
This is when you get into Little Theatre and make it your home for the week. This stage included one particular thirteen hour rehearsal, lots of beer/cider and repeated practice of all sketches to the point that nothing was funny anymore and we had stopped laughing at our own jokes (admittedly, I was definitely the worst at this). We perform over three nights and get exposed to long-lived Law Revue traditions like finishing an entire beer/cider on stage during Pun Sketch (in an animal onesie) and dropping swear words when not necessary. If your family insists on coming, be sure to prepare them and guide them on where to sit (so you’re not slut dropping half a THE HILARIAN
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metre away from your Dad or having a dressed up Pope Benedict thrusting his ‘staff’ in your Grandmother’s face). Bringing the show to life, with the guidance of the Director and help of an amazing backstage crew, is the pinnacle of this incredibly fun experience. 4
The Aftermath
The traditions of Law Revue include a well-supplied after party and a very hungover post-show Saturday. This year’s aftermath was only improved by the joys of election day and I can safely say that the Law Revue may have been the cause of more than one donkey vote. 5
Extra Points
If you’re considering Law Revue, there are a few extra points you need to know. During the Revue period, your sleeping and eating patterns will change. Dinner will be replaced by ridiculously large (and constant) amounts of chocolate, chips and any other form of junk food. You’ll also likely form a little Revue family. I had the privilege of being surrounded by a cast and crew in which every single member was not only an amazing person but also extremely talented. There are some downsides though, so be prepared. When you’re surrounded by hilarious people, all your bad jokes are way more noticeable. As the Director (rudely) pointed out to me from across the table one night, “what was funny amongst the plebes, Ally, is not funny amongst us.” Whatever. 6 Conclusion Hopefully this has provided some sort of limited guidance on what the Law Revue experience is like for anyone who’s interested (emphasis on ‘limited’). You can see our ‘High Court’ video (to the tune of Thrift Shop) on legalsuperhub.com.au. Please go and give us a vote for Australian Law Revue of the Year! Even if only to help Adelaide beat those other eastern-states Universities. I had a wonderful experience this year but even if Revue is not for you, everyone should support it. Let’s face it, any time a law student is somewhat funny, it’s something worth celebrating.
MAN! I FEEL LIKE A LAWYER Vote for Adelaide as the LegalSuper Law Revue of the Year 2013 THE HILARIAN
at legalsuperhub.com.au
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President’s Report Charlotte Thomas Welcome to Semester 2 and to the third edition of the Hilarian for 2013! The AULSS hopes everyone had an enjoyable break, although by now it probably feels like holidays were months ago. The AULSS has another jam-packed calendar on offer for Semester 2. We will be bringing you information sessions on competitions, GDLP, and career options, as well as social justice events and various activities like the tri-varsity Law Dinner. We had a very successful City to Bay team involved in the run this year, if you missed out, be sure to start training for 2014! Semester 2 is also an opportunity to reflect on the year that has been, and many of you will notice we have launched surveys in some portfolios to get your feedback on how things are going. Please never hesitate to contact any of us about things bothering you at the Law School and how we can improve your experience here. We were very proud to take part in the Law School’s inaugural Health and Wellbeing Week in week 4. Law students face a unique set of pressures and stresses and the week was a good opportunity to raise awareness of the need to keep a balanced, healthy lifestyle. I look forward to hopefully getting to know more and more of you over the next few weeks. Please feel free to contact me if there’s ever anything I can help with! Enjoy!
The
Botanic Bar Student Deal $15 Sangria 10% off all drinks under $10 THE HILARIAN
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Competitions Report
Rebecca McEwen
Mooting got off to a flying start this semester with both the Novice Moot and the First Year Moot beginning in week 4. It was great to see so many people at the Mooting Information Seminar. I was also delighted to be able to release the AULSS Mooting Handbook last week, which I anticipate will make the task of preparing for moots much easier for competitors who are new to mooting. We have two upcoming seminars for moot competitors, and we are also introducing an exciting new resource for semester 2 mooters – the Competitions Discussion Board. The discussion board will be a forum for competitors to ask administrative and substantive questions about semester 2 competitions in a way that will ensure the answers are publicly available for the benefit of all competitors. Congratulations are also in order for all of the competitors who represented the University of Adelaide at the Australian Law Students Association Conference. They were Jessica McBride and Sophie Waples (Client Interviewing), Liam Casey and Crispin Paintner (Negotiations), Sam Hooper (Witness Examination), Tom Macura and Mark Giddings (IHL Mooting) and John Eldridge, Alice Wharldall and Rebecca McEwen (Championship Moot). All the competitors were a credit to the AULSS and to the University of Adelaide. It was a particularly good year for mooting, with the AULSS teams taking out both the IHL Moot and the ALSA Championship Moot and bringing back two impressive new shields for the trophy cabinet. As always, any competitions questions can be directed to me or to the competitions team. We are always happy to help.
Alexia Watts
Activities Report “Second semester for the AULSS Activities team is pretty jam-packed! We had a very successful pubcrawl on Fri 30th August in the Rundle street precinct themed ‘Claim of Thrones’. Coming up is the SALSC Annual Law Dinner on the 12th October. Details about this event will be released shortly, but this is a fantastic opportunity to mingle with the other South Australian law schools, over some good food, and plenty of drinks. Finally, we are planning the infamous AULSS Closing Party for Friday 25th of October. Stay tuned for more details about this event!.”
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Education Report Ben Cosentino Welcome to semester 2, 2013 from everyone here at the education team! This will be a huge semester for the portfolio with the final design and launch of the AULSS “myCareer” online portal and the Elective Guide for 2014. myCareer This online portal will provide a one-stop tool for students to build and improve their resumes, find information on pathways to their ideal jobs and receive the latest news from firms, departments, NGOs and other employers looking to recruit Adelaide law graduates. Designed to walk students of all ages through their options and provide assistance and direction, myCareer will be the seminal companion to students whilst making their numerous applications across a variety of employment fields. The myCareer portal has currently reserved its place on the AULSS website, and we will let you know when it’s all good to go! Electives guide This is an excellent resource for students contemplating subject selection. We wish to ensure this is published and readily available as well as updated with survey responses at the conclusion of each semester. The guide is currently being finalised and will be ready for production ASAP.
Mature Mature Age Age Report Report
Gerard Coleman
Hey everyone! Welcome back to semester II. Hope you all smashed your semester I exams and enjoyed some R+R over the break. I managed to squeeze in 5 days bushwalking in the Grampians and do some recreational reading which was refreshing. Behold the power of primates! I sometimes say if you pay people peanuts, you get monkeys but the guys hosting a questionnaire website have helped provide me with invaluable responses for future mature age events. The feedback gleaned from the recent online survey will help me ensure the next two events for the remainder of the year be better than ever. The majority preference was for informal drinks at a bar on a Tuesday evening, therefore the next event is tentatively planned for Tuesday, 24th September. This is during the first week of the mid-semester break following week 8, hopefully this means more can attend. Most were also enthusiastic about another Sunday BBQ in the Park™, preferably close to the CBD, so I’ll be out scouting for a suitable locale in the coming weeks. I’m looking forward to seeing familiar faces at these upcoming events, hopefully some new ones too - don’t be shy, come and say hi! Take of yourselves during the battle to remain above water this semester, nothing is worth drowning for.
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South Australian Law Students' Council (SALSC) Presents
LAW DINNER
KEYNOTE SPEAKER HON. JOHN RAU MP
SATURDAY OCTOBER 12TH 2013 7PM THE INTERCONTINENTAL TICKETS $100 PER PERSON 4 HOUR DRINKS PACKAGE, PRE DINNER DRESS CODE: BLACK TIE CANAPES, 3 COURSE DINNER.
SEE FACEBOOK AND YOUR LAW STUDENTS’ SOCIETY FOR MORE DETAILS.
PRDOUDLY SPONSORED BY ANU LEGAL WORKSHOP AND THE LEO CUSSEN CENTRE FOR LAW THE HILARIAN
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CONFESSIONS of a LAW
SCHOOLMARKER
Marie Hadley
Let’s be honest, I’ve worked really hard to be at the bottom of the law school food chain. I have sent hundreds of emails to different academics over the years, hoping, just hoping, that they have research funding and so can outsource their marking to someone like me – a permanent student in need of a hit of cash before semester break. Marking is treated with disdain by anyone with a permanent contract. It is awful, annoying work. But for us sessional lecturers, tutors and PhD students, it is the holy grail – it is what keeps us afloat. It is what puts off the inevitable – becoming a *shudder* practicing lawyer. Income perks aside, marking is a mind-numbingly intense and repetitious exercise. From the get-go, you sit, poised at your desk, waiting for the first hit of papers from the Course Convener. When they arrive BOOM! You’re in action! You quickly read through the first five, get confused how all five missed the key issue and forgot to capitalise ‘High Court,’ then talk moderation. And then the fun really begins….. Observing all the ways in which students try to cheat the word count! There is no denying it that law students are quite amazing problem solvers. A goodly number of you lie on your cover sheet (you have no idea how many papers I’ve seen over the years that are 1497, 1997, or 2497 words!), some “forget” to answer this question, and the most creative of you prefer to fiddle with the formatting. I’ve seen it all. From margin reductions, to 11.5 font instead of 12, to Garamond instead of Times New Roman. But my very favourite students are those that pepper their paper with a smattering of Latin because it uses fewer words than the English translation. This has the additional benefit of making you seem smart! But I have access to Google Translate too… so adopt this trick at your peril. To be honest, I find these word count contortions pretty amusing. But what I don’t enjoy is laziness - the dreaded papers that put argument in their footnotes. To muddy the waters of your citations with a sentence of content once is bad enough. But to have slabs of information below the little line on nearly every page – makes me MAD. You just shouldn’t mess with the AGLC.1 Make your marker happy. Keep your footnotes pure. But don’t think for a second that they don’t know you’re over the word limit. Marie Hadley is a lawyer, lecturer, tutor and PhD student. Check out her Law Blog at: www.mariekatherinehadley.com 1
KEEP CALM
MARK EXAMS
I concur. - Matthew Stubbs.
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Why was there a cycle class on in the student lounge? Why were our lecturers in costume? What the hell is a knitting circle? Alexandra Lontos finds out. It was a gloomy Monday as I ran towards the embrace (or dull unwelcoming glare) of the Ligertwood building, desperately trying to stop my umbrella from continually turning inside out (the only time that doesn’t suck is when you’re watching it happen to someone else). I walked into the foyer to be greeted by tables of pamphlets and colours, a banner displaying a slogan about kindness and sunshine and rainbows (okay so no sunshine or rainbows were actually included, but considering the Law School’s wealth, I’m definitely suggesting them for next year). As I approached the stairwell, I turned my eye to see a balding bearded man with a foreign accent yelling words of encouragement to a group of people (including my tutors) doing a spin cycle class in briefs cafe. I pinched myself and suddenly I woke up and realised it had all just been one crazy bizarre dream… Or maybe it hadn’t, because even my most bizarre dreams don’t generally result in an influx of emails from Corinne Walding. So what was this all about..? We’ve got the answers for you. I can make all the jokes I want about our teachers instructing meditation classes and dressing in costume (and I will!) but I cannot support and emphasise the importance of this initiative enough. We may have the dullest building on campus, but so long as it was the one with the awkward spin cycle class going on inside, it may aswell be considered the brightest. To find out exactly what this week was about, I asked some of the driving forces behind the initiative to give a brief rundown. Turn the page, to see what they have to say.
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Corinne Walding, Kellie Toole and Mark Giancaspro provide an explanation as to what this latin means… It was interesting to walk around the Law School during Weeks 2 and 3 and witness countless students staring in confusion at those weird posters popping up around the place. You couldn’t miss them; grassy field blanketed by a blue sky with a meditating person hovering gracefully between both in the lotus position. The words ‘Lex Salus’ scrawled underneath. An adapted version of the poster also included a Facebook link, hinting that answers would come from befriending this mystical ‘person’ called Lex Salus. What was it? Who was it? Theories abounded before the answers came gushing forth in Week 4.
For five days, without any real notice, the Law School came alive in ways it hasn’t before. The Student Lounge transformed from a dull doctor’s waiting room to a vibrant venue for tabletennis, spin classes, luncheons and Marg Castles’ now famous Knitting Circle. The foyer was no longer a grey and soulless box but a thoroughfare full of colour, freebies, stalls and free fruit. You could no longer walk through the corridors on any level without running into at least one staff member dressed as a cowgirl, leprechaun, hippie, flapper or even Julius Caesar. The Moot Court, a traditional arena for adversarial debate and advocacy, became a site for meditation and yoga. There were workshops on having fun, getting through Law School, working in legal practice, sleeping better. There was a hilarious comedy show involving improvisational comedy troupes. There were BBQs and even a DJ on hand to pump some tunes out into the Law School courtyard and give the old hall a heartbeat again. Most students wandered in confused by what was going on but couldn’t help but smile at the sights and savour the unmistakable aura and vibe of warmth and excitement that permeated every corner of the School. Never has the spirit of camaraderie been so strong within these ancient walls. What a buzz!
THE HILARIAN
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The lasting question is why this was all happening. What was – check that, what is – Lex Salus? Put simply it is an initiative of the Adelaide Law School aimed at raising law student awareness of the importance of physical and mental health across all year levels of the degree, and of the various counselling, disability and equity services both within and outside the University that can provide help. Research shows that law students, both in Australia and in many jurisdictions around the world, experience the highest levels of stress, anxiety and depression out of any other discipline. Many do not get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet or achieve a realistic work/life balance. Making matters worse, they are unwilling or afraid to speak up for fear of feeling ‘weak’ or because of the negative stigma that attaches to seeking help. Lex Salus has been engineered to tackle these problems head-on. Importantly Lex Salus is not a career fair which hands you a show bag and sends you on your merry way. It is not a program which lasts a week and dies off. It is a living, breathing institution. It’s a friend to everyone, the public face of a group of individuals committed to making the law student’s experience at our University a memorable and enjoyable occasion. Studying law should not be a chore, students should not feel imprisoned or unduly strained. Lex Salus is here now to listen and to help. You, our valued law students, ARE NOT ALONE. Talk to us privately on Facebook, post us and your peers useful links on our public page. From now until graduation we are going to be here for our law students, all the way. We’ll suggest strategies to maintain good physical and mental health and provide access to counselling, disability and equity services to make your life easier during Law School. We’ll help you strike the balance between work, rest and play. And I think we’ve already proven we can help you have fun. Law School is NOT your life, it is PART of it. We want you to dismiss your fears and embarrassment and SPEAK UP if you’re having trouble coping. It’s time to bring this issue out into the open. No more hiding. Now we’re here to help. We are committed to keeping this ball rolling; we want that happy vibe from last week to be a permanent fixture in the Law School. Already some of the initiatives from Lex Salus Week have been earmarked for continuation i.e. Marg’s resoundingly successful Knitting Circle (which will now be weekly), comedy hours in the lecture theatres (where you can come and watch a funny TV show for a while) and we might even be able to keep the table-tennis table downstairs! Lex Salus is Latin for ‘law and wellbeing’. The two should go hand in hand, not be diametrically opposed. Consider us the glue between them (not the cheap home-brand kind either). Add us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/lex.salus.9 and ‘like’ our Facebook page as well to keep up-to-date on our initiatives and to access our free help services. Might even be the occasional prize just for being involved!
THE HILARIAN
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Exchange At Close Range Ben Bishop (with contributions from Simon Vidovich) Disclaimer: The following article is written by a totally inept excuse for a human. It also took much longer then expected, it turns out binge drinking three to four times a week doesn’t facilitate brain function and is not good for the body or soul and it also means that I cannot vouch for the quality of any of the following text. Should you decide as a competent human being that you would like to go on exchange, then your experience is likely to be much more enjoyable and culturally rewarding. Therefore all following anecdotal advice must be taken with a grain of salt, and is probably better being completely ignored.
Fast forward to the end of your degree; you’re sitting in an interview room being asked about your experiences during your semester on exchange. You’ll no doubt be able to spin some bullshit about the cultural experiences, all the new friends you’ve made, the trials and tribulations of getting washing done without ruining clothes. However when your mind claws through the alcohol induced haze of memories you’ll have no fulfilling or cultural experiences to speak of, really just getting pissed for 6 months. The first night of exchange you arrive quite fresh faced at accommodation, still tired from flying. You get peer pressured into drinking, and channel all the energy that you have from being in a new place into lifting beers to mouth. The next day, after waking with a blinding hangover you and your new friends find that you had missed all the orientation you were supposed to do. This included a walking tour of the town, seeing the historic tourist sites and other things. This first night contributes even further to the fact that you seem to glide through life with no practical skills whatsoever and is a testament to the rest of your time on exchange. After a while you learn to deal with the hangover, and life seems to play out in a THE HILARIAN
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dramatized episodes that could make plotlines for Friends or Seinfeld. This would be entertaining and enjoyable, but for the fact your life strangely echoes George Costanza’s. Going to class gets a very infrequent look in. Travelling is a good pastime, but you can be sure you will forget almost every essential item. This includes: forgetting gloves and a beanie for going to the Arctic Circle in the north of Sweden. It could also include deciding you would like to sleep on an overnight train by finding a quiet carriage away from your friends. Later that carriage detaches from the train while you nap sending you to a new (and unknown) destination without your wallet, luggage or shoes during Scandanvian winter. In terms of travel, the only serious piece of advice I will give in this article is if you’re in Scandanavia, go to Lapland and see the Northern Lights, as its likely to be something you will never do again, and you can finally relive the Skinner and Superintendant Aurora Borealis scene in the Simpsons. One harsh reality of exchange is that you will gain weight. People who never eat chocolate at home rove the aisles of the supermarket looking for the next discounted fix, loudly exclaiming when they see a deal: 3 for 30!! Holy Fuck! Knowing this truth, for people who are contemplating exchange or travelling soon I would recommend bringing exercise gear, or at least runners. This way when you nonchalantly toss them out of your suitcase at the start Normal Single Exchange of exchange, leave them by the door. This trick will mean People Women Students that visitors will seem to think you have been running or How Much Chocolate People Eat exercising when you clearly haven’t. Another common tactic is to walk around your residence in gym gear. That way people think you are keeping fit, even if you’d struggle to run 50 metres and you catch the elevator up one flight of stairs to your room. At the end of the day however you can treat your body like a party, no one is interested when you bring a six pack, but love it when you have a keg. Take this as an excuse to indulge in as many triple carbohydrate meals as you can be bothered cooking! All of this might be somewhat harrowing to the study conscious student, but most of the people who have taken the time to read this article are clearly in the library on facebook doing anything to avoid study. Despite my inability as a person exchange is one of the best things you can do in your life, and you will never have the chance to live with as little obligations as you have abroad. I heartily recommend it, the friends you make are some of the greatest and you will have the most debaucherous time.
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If I could give one piece of advice to my law school self... We asked four of your favourite lecturers for some pearls of wisdom... * * * * * Paul Leadbeater (Property Law, Environmental Law, Water Resources Law, International Environmental Law and Introduction to Environmental Law) Finish my Arts degree (I dropped out as having the additional work interfered too much with my social life - one of my big regrets now) Make the most of the freedom (although I did a pretty good job in that regard) Try to do an exchange overseas (they did not offer them in the late seventies) Get to know an academic with a big research grant who needs research assistants (Professor Alex Castles employed me in my last 18 months at Law School and I used the money I earned to backpack around Europe for a year before doing GDLP) More seriously consider and explore alternatives to traditional legal practice as a solicitorthe billable unit can be a dispiriting thing, or aim to go to the Bar as soon as you can.
David Caruso (Evidence and Proof in Theory and Practice and Criminal Law and Procedure) I would have had more “schnitzel-coleslaw-hotchip-combos” at the cloister refectories. Whilst dining at these establishments was to sometimes take your life in your hands, the Doppler effect of approaching paramedic sirens is a great appetite enhancer, whilst hallucinations brought on by this pyramidtopping selection of food groups are a happy memory of a pre-VSU era. Fortified by the consumption of so-called “chicken” schnitzel washed down by mayonnaise with a hint of cabbage, I would tell myself to buy chocolates for Ms Margaret Priwer of the Law Library. Margaret has helped many legal minstrels wandering the corridors of the Law Library as they machete their way through dissertations and, whilst Margaret is customarily revered for her assistance and guidance, she can never be too highly valued by budding legal scholars.
THE HILARIAN
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Christopher Symes (Corporate Law) Notes to myself January 1986: When you pick up a law textbook (in any course but particularly those starting with the letter C) to read the recommended readings for the week, Do Not lie down on a bed. If the textbook writers have thought the case was important, they must have read it so… hmmm… maybe there are some alternatives to me reading every case mentioned on the weekly reading lists. Dress better. One green windcheater and a pair of tracky daks is not enough to get through 4 years of law. Try to make friends with those law students whose parents have great beach houses. Look out for novel, emerging areas of legal practice but don’t worry if I don’t know much about environment and planning law because it’s not going to get as big as criminal or commercial law. Social: Plan to wear an all white suit and a green tie to match my eyes at the Law Ball this year. I should then be known by everyone in the Law School. Go to ALSA every year and be in the Law Revue although don’t ever offer to be the straight man alongside Shaun Micallef again. I will choose compulsories and electives that smart, helpful students like Rebecca LaForgia are doing so that they can explain the law to me. Listen when anyone mentions “procedure” and pay less attention to [blanked out at the request of the Dean]. Put an absolute priority on swotvac, cancel every other event in my diary, it’s when I feel like I’m learning. Seek out more coffee shops that have yeast buns closer to the Ligertwood.
Alex Reilly (Foundations of Law, Australian Constitutional Law, Refugee Law and Policy)
Don’t talk to your lecturers. There’s a danger you’ll turn into one.
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First year confessions AULSS First Year Representative, Nick Banks, has compiled some secret confessions from Ligertwood’s very own first years.
Sometimes Snapchatting selfies with sleeping people is the only thing that gets me through those two-hour lectures
Writes textbook. Makes it compulsory text for 450 first year students. Well played Bernadette
It took until about week 3 before I realised that Ratio didn’t mean my chances of picking up at Law School
I think I have friends when my phone goes off…then I realise it’s just another email from Rose Cecere
I do all of the readings every week. Said no first year ever
Every time I leave the house, I live in fear of committing a crime and realising I’ve wasted five years of my life when I don’t get admitted
I’ve never actually been to the Law Library since we had to for Foundations
I spent half of my Foundations seminars with Heath Evans making bets with my friends about his clothing. Heath to wear black sneakers $1.05 or other $6.80. Heath to wear Tommy Hillfiger polo $1.34, Polo Ralph Lauren $1.95
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w a L e h T t Spo y t i t n e d I chool S
There are 4 Ligertwood Lecturers hidden in these cryptic pictograms. Can you see who they are? 1.
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3.
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Answers can be found in one of the photos on the Hilarian’s facebook page THE HILARIAN
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HILARIAN ANTHOLOGY OF LEGAL SATIRE LIGERTWOOD’S OFFICIAL MAGAZINE THIRD EDITION 2013 The Hilarian Anthology of Legal Satire, like any satirical publication, continues to change, adapt and re-adjust to parody the status-quo, whatever that may be. It is both national and uniquely Adelaidian, making it the source of amusement of choice for many budding Law students. The range of articles, be they satirical or not, coupled with the brilliance of the editors results in a product that many members of Ligertwood would consider an indispensible component of every magazine rack.
The Third Edition features: a who’s who of Law Revue members a discussion of the asylum seeker question under the new government a guide to hosting the very best of parties reports from the AULSS an explanation of Lex Salus a look at life on exchange advice from some of your favourite lecturers
www.issuu.com/thehilarian
THE HILARIAN
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