Hilarian Edition 4, 2013

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P M A N

Hilarian

4th Edn

2013

CP 45%

K A R A S From the AULSS

Sponsor

Sponsor

Ginanormous

Onesies

This year in Science

Contents

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Hilarian News

CU

HOW TO... Chinese Food

How To Guide

Letters to the Editor

Sponsor

Photos

63

From the AULSS

From the Eds

THE HILARIAN

Mail

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Music Review


L I P M A N

K A R A S

Local Presence

Global Opportunities

Lipman Karas is a specialist legal practice representing corporate, government and private clients.

A career at Lipman Karas provides opportunities and experiences that are unrivalled in South Australia.

With offices in Adelaide, Hong Kong and London, our team has a proven track record of consistently outstanding results in some of the most challenging, complex and high profile commercial litigation in the Asia Pacific region and internationally.

Lipman Karas offers practitioners a chance to work with lawyers who are recognised as leaders in their field on litigation projects, investigations and inquiries that are unique in both magnitude and complexity across many jurisdictions.

www.lipmankaras.com a specialist legal practice Adelaide | Hong Kong | London

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THE HILARIAN

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AWARDS 2013


Hilarian

4th Edn

2013

HD 85%

Contents

H

HOW TO...

CLC

From the Editors

4

Letters to the Editor

5

Hilarian News

6

Confessions of a Law School Marker

7

Literature Corner

8

2013 in Music

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Law School Royalty

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The Year in Study Breaks

13

This Year in Science

14

From the AULSS

16

How to Finish an Assignment

18

Ginanormous Rinehartocerous

20

Community Legal Centres

22

The AFL Grand Final

24

High Horse: Onesies

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18 Legal Personalities

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Editors:

Will Maitland, Patrick McCaffrie and Alexandra Lontos

Contributors:

Ben Bishop, Megan Geurts, Marie Hadley, Zane Dean, Hugo Balnaves, Alex Stanley, Lawreign Correspondant, Tilda Willman, Eleanor Kay, Caffrie McPatrick and the AULSS

Publisher:

Print Solutions

This publication does not represent the views of the University of Adelaide Law School. This publication is not endorsed by the University of Adelaide Law School or the University of Adelaide generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the Adelaide University Law Students’ Society. THE HILARIAN

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FROM THE EDITORS Welcome to the last edition of The Hilarian for 2013! We’ve never been particularly good at goodbyes. Let us just start by saying… it’s not you, it’s us. We feel like we just can’t commit… to another four editions next year. Oh c’mon, don’t be like that. We’ve had a really good relationship together. Remember the time you chuckled at our How To article and proudly put our Great Gatsby style edition on your bedside table? Yeah, there have been ups and downs. This is probably the first time you’ve properly read an edition in full and it’s only because it’s exam period. Plus, we know you’re upset that every time we said that the magazine wasn’t put together in less than two weeks… we faked it. And so we come to the end of yet another year and the end of your relationship with these editors and this magazine for a little while. For what it’s worth, it’s not our fault we’re breaking up. In fact it’s not really yours either. It’s really got a lot more to do with inevitable passage of time and the academic calendar. But putting that aside…it’s really more you than us if both sides are being fair. Along the way we hope that we have provided some entertainment, insight or understanding about life, love, law and beyond. Wishing you life’s best… you’re going to make some future Hilarian editor really happy one day. So for the last time (for now), You stay classy Adelaide. Will, Pat and Ally.

THE HILARIAN

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LETTERS TO THE EDITORS Dear Editors,

Dear Simon,

This year The Hilarian has been read by a slim minority of students; furthermore it is rarely accurate and regularly misinforms its readers. In fact it can only boast to print about half the amount of lies than The Bible, The Torah and The Koran combined. And I’d bet even those three are more likely to be read 2, 000 years from now than anything from your worthless pamphlet!

We night-owls at The Hilarian love to get our groove on at Hustle Club, The Bark Barn and The Casa de la Nova (try their 2-for-1 Tuesday tacos – get in early though because the second taco is technically Monday’s taco). Soon enough you’ll be the toast of the town! Laterz, Eds.

Regards,

Dear Editors,

Grumpy. Dear Joseph (a lucky guess), Unfortunately religious texts proved somewhat less than relevant in 2013, especially when several authors begged for help in preparing an examination in chief. Although given the age of some of the textbooks we had been hopeful they would still contain up to date notes for Family Law.

This eager beaver has been doing some late night study in the library and was appalled to see what can only be described as “kissing” between a male and female student. Surely something can be done about this? Is Bob Francis still around? Yours angrily, Agatha.

Yours sincerely,

Dear Aggers,

Eds

Dear Editors, As a first-year student from rural SA I was hoping that the Editors could give me some advice about where the best spots in town might be to hang out for a kool kat such as myself?

Try not to let them bother you. And if they are bothering you then feel free to take as many photographs as you deem necessary, blow them up to A3 size, and then post them all over the Ligertwood. Eds. Didn’t like the article about crayfish in the last edition? Not happy with On Dit’s antimonarchist views? Send us your comments and they might make it into an edition next year. Email: hilarian.klap@gmail.com.

Catch ya, Simon

THE HILARIAN

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News of the Week

CHINESE FOOD VOTED NOT AS SHIT AS REBECCA BLACK Will Maitland

I

n a shock decision today, members of the internet review website Rotten Tomatoes have decided that Alison Gold’s contender for ‘musical turd of the decade’, her song entitled Chinese Food, has not ousted Rebecca Black from her number one position. In a bid to dethrone the Queen of symphonious shit, Gold stars in a music video that combines infantile lyrics with temperate racism, a powerful concoction that, coupled with her grating vocals leaves the listener feeling aurally violated and highly uncomfortable. This abuse of the senses is only intensified by a visual invasion of Chinese stereotypes; from Geisha back-up dancers to chopstick wielding ninjas and gongs. The arrival two minutes in of a giant panda, as Gold’s newfound friend, furthered the Sesame Street vibe, and might

MARY POPPINS CLAIM! Caffrie McPatrick

MAKES

Julie Andrews and the deathadjacent Dick Van-Dyke have lodged a spurious copyright claim against the Adelaide law school’s use of the term ‘umbrella’ to describe whatever that plastic stuff is outside the law school which covers the wooden things drilled into the cement stuff.

not have overly exacerbated the underlying fucked-up nature of the song had the quadruped not subsequently revealed itself as 38 year old Patrice Wilson, the video’s producer, who not only began to sing in a Chinese accent with his eyes squinted shut, but also joined the group of fourteen year-old girls at their pyjama party, adding a somewhat paedophilic vibe to the whole affair. Nonetheless, the citizens of the internet have decided that no amount of inharmonious wontons or inappropriate ursine influence can bump our favourite vocoded princess from her faeces encrusted pedestal. Rebecca Black seems destined to sit out the decade at the number one spot. One commentor who asked to remain anonymous stated: “There is a sense of intense yet simple mundanity

UNBELIEVABLE

UMBRELLA

They claim that the only people allowed to use umbrellas are people with 13 Oscars. Fotina Agalidis has complained that her Oscar winning performances in The Exorcist, The Omen, Night of the Living Dead, Wolf Creek and MaryKate and Ashley go to New York were somehow ignored. THE HILARIAN

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about Black’s Friday that simply cannot be beaten by any amount of abhorrent randomness and abundant racism.” When asked to comment on the success (sic) of the two videos, Wilson responded: “In this Youtube age, people like f**ked up shit, and I’m only too happy to make money out of that.”

NIGEL WILSON PRESENTS INTERESTING LECTURE! Patrick McCaffrie tudents of Evidence were today stunned when lecturer Nigel Wilson presented a lecture that held their attention for longer than 8 minutes. Described as ‘a miracle worthy of Jesus’ by Rabbi Rabinowicz, several students were found speaking in Latin maxims and one particular student seemed possessed…with an understanding of the hearsay rule. Some days later an email, according to John…Williams, confirmed that he was seeking advice before taking action. Such advice will be taken from a pasta.

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CONFESSIONS of a LAW

SCHOOLMARKER

Marie Hadley

Putting the RESEARCH back into ‘Research Essay’ My favourite place in the whole world (apart from Sydney Harbour, the pool, East Coast beaches, AND anywhere with a swim up bar) is the library. Libraries are so warm! So inviting! A mecca of comfy chairs and rows upon rows of glorious books just waiting to teach you a million interesting things about a thousand different topics …. But not everyone loves libraries like I do. This makes me sad. It especially makes me sad when I am marking research essays. Perhaps I should emphasise the key word here? RESEARCH essays. Believe it or not, but research essays require research. Unfortunately many students think that 4 secondary sources (usually: the textbook, two case notes written by solicitors, and one unrelated government report) is enough to help them win the research section of the marking criteria. But that isn’t research; that’s opening a book you already own and jumping on Google. Now I’m not silly enough to think that every student prioritises research over having fun (like me!) However, you really do need to make more of an effort to at least pretend you’ve spent hours searching for relevant sources. And trust me – with research often allocated around 25% of the total marks for essays, finding some extra sources will pay off. Here are three of my top time-friendly, fake it til you make it, research tips: 1)

Go to the library

Libraries are fantastic places! Apart from the comfy chairs, free wifi, and nifty corridors between shelves that are perfect for sleeping, they also tend to have books! Books are one of my favourite ways to develop a base level understanding of a topic. And – because students tend to avoid all noninternet sources except for the set textbook like the plague – referencing a book will make you stand out (and make you look learned and cool!) Putting in the minimum effort and simply finding a second, non-prescribed textbook still puts you in front. 2)

Use your eyes

Another fascinating thing about the library is that books on similar topics are all grouped on the same shelf! So all you have to do is find one good source, shift your gaze to the left or the right, and BOOM! Relevant sources will magically jump out at you. This is the hard copy equivalent of data-mining a decent article’s footnotes. Which, just quietly, I also recommend (however, please actually read the other articles before you cite them…it avoids stupid mistakes, like misquoting your lecturer’s favourite author. Or, even more embarrassing, misquoting your lecturer!) 3)

Annoy the librarians

Now as well as real life books, libraries these days have online catalogues and databases and very helpful people called librarians just itching to help you construct a database search! If you ask them nicely, they can help you transform an overly broad, hit-tastic, Boolean search into something targeted and more relevant. If you’re really lucky, they might even put you onto an awesome comparative law database (good comparative articles can be so hard to find!) So there you have it! The next time you come to write a research essay, do not simply open your textbook and smash out a Google search. Go hang at one of the best places in the whole world – the library. Marie Hadley is a lawyer, lecturer, tutor and PhD student. Check out her law blog at www. mariekatherinehadley.com Marie Hadley is a lawyer, lecturer, tutor and PhD student. Check out her Law Blog at: www.mariekatherinehadley.com THE HILARIAN

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Literature Corner Patrick McCaffrie

The prospect of an extended break over the summer holidays gives students a welcome opportunity to pick up one of the many novels being released over Summer and really enjoy it. So, with that in mind, The Hilarian previews some of the fiction and non-fiction hits and misses…

The Unauthorised Biography of France Stieg Larsson

An unusual change of pace for an author who typically specialises in crime fiction and has been dead since 2004. It seems he is unfamiliar with the biographical genre given a biography is typically written about a person. An interesting read; however, the devotion of over 100 pages to the bloodless Anglo-Swedish War of 1810-1812 was a puzzling and alarmingly racist inclusion.

Me and My Lampshade: An Unlikely Love Story

Delila Muddlemouth

The long-awaited sequel to Muddlemouth’s first romantic novel ‘Lamb Chops & my Labia’, doesn’t disappoint. It is a thoughtful tale that leaves readers with much to think about and dissect. The sparse dialogue opens space for Muddlemouth’s narrative voice to talk to the reader and reveal all that the characters themselves cannot say – especially as one of them is a lampshade.

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I’ll be Bach!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Having finished his terms as Governor of California, and feeling like the action genre has little to offer him, Schwarzenegger has devoted just over a year and produced a book that is remarkably coherent profile of the musician, poet and magician. It’s the first in a series of books about the era of classical music written by action stars with Dwayne Johnson set to write a new book entitled ‘Baroque: My Life as a WWF Superstar and Closet Cellist”.

30 Easy to Cook Meals at Home Miley Cyrus

The only value this book has is as toilet paper. The first 6 recipes all require illicit substances; one recipe under the heading ‘Dinner’ was simply instructions for making Vegemite toast; and the last 5 recipes are just 5 different flavours of two-minute noodles! I would suggest Ms Cyrus sticks to what she’s good at but it’s not at all clear what that is.

Little Red Riding Hood and the Threat Matrix Tom Clancy

Mixing both a genre he is experienced in and one he isn’t, Clancy manages to pull this confusing balance off. Clancy’s character Jack Ryan now has to deal with an ex-Soviet ‘Big Bad Wolf’ with MI6, or ‘The Hunter” waiting in the wings to save the day. It’s not entirely clear who Granny is meant to be…

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3 c 1 i 0 s 2 u M in

technically New Years Eve’s Summadayze, which myself and nobody else went to. It was pretty good. I got to see Disclosure before they were cool (see their recent sold-out HQ show which was AMAZING) and I also watched M.I.A. wear sunglasses at the audience and do not much else.

Our very own radio talk show host Zane Dean recounts the weird and wonderful year of music we’ve encountered (but he still can’t manage to work out what the fox says…) 2013. What a bizarre year for music. 10 years ago, we were fondly remembering and replicating the 80s, and right now, we’re kind of doing the same thing with the 90s, decades in which we were too young to be adults. So it follows that in 20 years, our kids will reminisce on the music of now, and that will absolutely be the weirdest thing because frankly, music this year was freakin’ weird. There was a lot of good stuff, and a lot of very, very bad stuff. We’ve watched Miley turn into an unstoppable force of tongue and Kanye go full god-complex on us. In a year of trap, bass and electronic dance music, the most popular song was a Marvin Gaye rip-off about questionable consent. It was a year where pretty much every artist you loved from your childhood made a comeback of some sort. And of course, little old Adelaide outdid ourselves: we were visited by some outstanding festivals and world-class artist tours. So, without further ado, let’s reminisce on the year that was 2013 in music: the festivals, the albums, and the artists that got us talking. The year began in innocent enough fashion. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and everyone was still listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. The first festival of the year was THE HILARIAN

Big Day Out was the first big landmark of the music festival season, which was so satisfactory on all levels as to be really dull to write about. The Red Hot Chilli Peppers and The Killers headlined and it was sick. Laneway quickly followed, which I still hate that I didn’t get to attend, because my future wife (Jessie Ware) was there. From all reports, it was a wicked day ﹣ Flume was just hitting his stride in terms of popularity and delivered an excellent set, and Of Monsters and Men performed for the first of, like, 30 times this year. Around this time, Justin Timberlake ended a 7 long year hiatus from being a musician and all-around brilliant dude with The 20/20 Experience, an album of 70s soul and slow jams just because he could. He also starred in a number of TV comedy shows and was hilariously funny and talented. Can this dude do any wrong? (Actually, he brought out a “part 2” album very recently, and it’s crap, so let’s all ignore that.) Future Music Festival was… certainly a thing, with a lineup ranging from Avicii to the Stone Roses, and temperatures so hot you could

“...Daft Punk surprised everyone and released Random Access Memories, their first album since the cretaceous period...” smell ball sweat everywhere you went. Psy (remember him?) performed Gangnam Style (remember that?) and Azealia Banks, known for an underground house-rap song, a prolific Twitter account and a reputation for deciding to just not play shows, decided to just not play the Adelaide show. The rest of the festival was a blur for me; I found myself at the front of the Prodigy’s demonic set and apparently ended up in a circle pit (which, if you know me, is about as characteristic as the idea of Matthew Stubbs rapping a 2 Chainz verse).

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As Mad March and the run of Summer festivals came to a close, Daft Punk surprised everyone and released Random Access Memories, their first album since the cretaceous period. A high-concept softrock record about robots, they pulled it off partly because they’re so highly revered, but mostly because they’re French. They were pretty much unescapable for like a month with ‘Get Lucky’, a song which you all loved and then didn’t, because “Blurred Lines” came along. You’ll probably love it again in a year when the torture of having it flogged constantly on the radio has faded. Around June, Kanye West did… christ. How do I describe this? He took his out of control messiah complex to its only logical conclusion and released an aggressively ugly industrial rap record called Yeezus (not a joke, actually called “Yeezus”). Featuring such lyrical gems as “I am a God/HURRY UP WITH MY DAMN CROISSANTS” and “I be speakin’ swaghili,” everyone bought this record. But he was deadly serious and he’ll probably beat you up if he hears you talking smack. He also had a daughter with Kim Kardashian, called North West (not a joke, actually called “North West”) and is it just me, or is releasing a record with a song like “I’m In It” at the same time as welcoming a beautiful daughter into the world a really weird thing to do? If you’ve not heard the song, look it up, and you’ll know. Meanwhile, there were other festivals, but of course, they didn’t come to Adelaide. We did get a mini-taste of Splendour in the Grass in the form of the Spin Off Festival, which was actually pretty good. It involved Of Monsters and Men’s 19th performance in Australia for the year. Adelaide did, however, get a string of high-profile concerts, including P!nk, who your aunty absolutely loves; One Direction, which probably violated at least three noise laws from the sounds of young girls screaming, and Rihanna, who came onstage 90 minutes late and touched herself a lot. Of course, how could we write an article about music in 2013 without mentioning Miley Cyrus? Does anyone know what the hell happened there? One minute she was all “Party in the USA” and then suddenly she THE HILARIAN

re-emerged as a rapping, twerking monstrosity with P!nk’s haircut and a tongue that wouldn’t quit, no matter how much we wanted it to. She danced inappropriately with teddy bears, she licked hammers, and she swung around nude on a wrecking ball, leaving a visible stain of butt make-up on its surface. She just released an album called BANGERZ (what? No mash? Am I right? I’m here ‘til Sunday!) and everyone is buying it. Historians are going to look back on this and go “seriously, guys, what the hell.” 2013’s festival season is gearing up to launch into full swing, with Stereosonic, Big Day Out and Future Music Festival all having announced lineups that are pretty “yeah, alright I guess”. Still, they should be good. Laneway looks pretty badass, so there’s that. On the music front, Katy Perry at the time of writing holds the title of “that one song you can’t get away from” with “Roar”, which my Mum really likes. She’s releasing an album, as are Lady Gaga and Britney Spears, who are both doing things you probably don’t need to worry about because they’re not very good. Arcade Fire and Eminem are coming out with stuff, if you’re into that. As far as gigs, we have Beyoncé as well as a joint tour of Queens of the Stone Age and Nine Inch Nails coming, both of which will be excellent depending on what you’re into. And there you have it! That’s a rough summary of 2013 in music. What will 2014 hold for us? Will Nicki Minaj start yelling at us again? Will a Danish dance craze take over the internet for a month? Will Julia Gillard add “warehouse rave DJ” to her growing list of post-Prime Ministerial accomplishments? We’ll have to wait and see, but I’m pretty confident all three of those things will happen.

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The Fresh Princes and Princesses of Ligertwood Ben Bishop takes a look at the real Law School Royalty. There has been a lot of kafuffle recently about ‘law school royalty’ and a culture of nepotism within the law school, and in particular the LSS. However, the regular law school punter barely attends law school, or even knows what an LSS is, unless they have been cajoled into voting for a mate. Any claim of ‘royalty’ completely disregards and frankly disrespects the true royalty of law school: The Front Office These hard working princesses ensure that the Law School continues to run ever so smoothly (ahem.) The majority of their emails are deleted by otherwise uninterested law students. This is however a mistake, as they provide useful information regarding the tragic and depressing underrepresentation of cats and dogs in the legal profession. Also, did you know that if you took all of Sharon’s emails and put them together the first letter of every second word in the first paragraph spells: ‘I love you’, ‘the law school’, ‘have a good day’ and ‘keep smiling!’. How she managed to fit an exclamation mark in there is a testament to those wonderful geniuses behind the front desk. So next time your application to receive your late assignment falls on deaf ears remember that their grimace of disdain is actually a welcoming hug filled with strawberry kisses. The Law School Librarians So regal are the law librarians, I’ve never actually spoken to one in my time at law school. That has never stopped me from staring in awe at their knowledge of books, ability to tell people off, and, for one member in particular, flaunt those princely calves regardless of the weather. How would we navigate that ancient labyrinth if it weren’t for centuries of knowledge held in these glorious bastions of a bygone era.

Asian Studies Tutors The fifth floor of Ligertwood is their ever-decreasing domain. Deemed to have such a tight grip over law school politics they have in fact been relegated to somewhere. If you’ve never encountered one of these members of the royal family count yourself lucky. Their awe-inspiring presence has made one writer shit and wet himself simultaneously (for issues of maintaining an already tarnished reputation we won’t disclose who that writer is.) Rape Law Reform This text book, otherwise unnoticed by anyone else in the law school has kept many a student out of a sticky situation. However the layers of dust on the physical text seem to indicate that it has remained untouched for a number of years, which is obviously a good thing. Now that you’ve been exposed to the true royalty of law school, seek out their decree, chuck them a hello. Most importantly, remember that these characters make the law school the truly great educational establishment that it is! THE HILARIAN

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The Year in Study Breaks Eleanor Kay Study breaks are an excellent chance to sit back and reflect on what you have due and what you’ve accomplished in your day so far (completed a paragraph of your take home exam and listened to twenty minutes of Judith Bannister’s Admin lecture and it’s only four o’clock)! This year has presented plenty of opportunities for the very versatile study break. As the Uni year commenced The Fringe was in full swing and there were countless ‘hipper than hip’ locations to add to your facebook check ins, forget preliminary readings, drunken garden mishaps made for great stories. You couldn’t resist stepping out of the depths of the library for a perusal of the latest café: “Let’s go to The Exchange, I wanna try the Guatemalan La Perla and Puerta Verde bean brewing this week” “Oh, what about the New Bar 9? The interior design is super sleek; it’ll look so good on instie” In a sudden urge to become more cultured you wandered into the Heartland exhibition in the Art Gallery and were so mesmerized by the upside down rotating tree that you didn’t notice you’d missed your crim tute. After countless attempts to start your exam notes, you gave up and wandered into the mall to purchase some excessively large headphones, so you could start a conversation about the birth of hip hop and your upbringing on the wrong side of the tracks with the cute stranger on the bus. As the year draws to a close you find yourself productively procrastinating by searching for the perfect study location. Is it seated upon a wonky recycled chair amongst the bustle of hub dwellers or splayed across a circular concrete block in Taib Mahmud court, for optimal vitamin D consumption and annoying interruptions from fellow law students? For tried and tested study break options during swotvac, buy a giant piece of poster paper and make a colourful cut out of yourself covered in inspirational quotes or try baking a flourless kale and kidney bean cake. You will be disappointed with the result but it’s better than frantically searching cases on LexisNexis; in the exam you’ll only find the case note when there’s 2 minutes left and you’ve fucked it up anyway.

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Alex Stanley

This Year in Science

As assiduous law students, the likelihood that you’re across the scientific developments of 2013 is probably asymptotic. (In that it’s approaching zero, without ever actually reaching zero, of course). At the very least, many of you dapper people have infinitely large delusions of grandeur, so you probably watched with interest as the 2013 Nobel Laureates were announced; even if talk of the Higgs boson made you quiver with all the misapprehension of an equitable remedies lecture. But rest assured, you’ve lived and breathed breakthroughs of your own! For instance, last summer was “fucking hot”, to use the Bureau of Meteorology’s freshly-minted term for the 50°C+ temperature range. Similarly, science in 2013 is so hot right now. So just sit tight and learn a little… Tue, 8 Jan

In what was music to every dictator’s ears, German company Rheinmetall went one better than Dr Evil’s “sharks with freakin’ laser beams” and developed high-powered military lasers. These babies can cut through steel from over 1.6km away, regardless of weather conditions, and the crafty Krauts plan to mount them on a variety of battlefield vehicles… But is “Sieg Heil! WWIII is ours!” ever a good way to begin a press release? Tue, 19 Feb

A new species of ‘bent-toed gecko’ was discovered in Vietnam, reportedly by culinary coincidence. A hyperbolic herpetologist just happened to reach out for the shashliked sucker at a roadside stall, whereby those pesky crooked toes became lodged in his throat. Eureka!

Thu, 14 Mar

CERN confirmed what can only be described as the massive discovery of the Higgs boson, or ‘God Particle’, found by smashing protons in its Large Hadron Collider. But with a circumference of 27km, lying 175m below ground, this circular synchrotron may just prove to be another expensive folly of the ‘church’ of scientology… Thu, 21 Mar

Europe’s Planck cosmology probe proved the universe is approximately 13.8 billion years old and is made up of; 4.9% ordinary matter, 26.8% dark matter and, the rest, doesn’t matter. THE HILARIAN

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Thu, 6 Jun

In great news for heroin addicts, scientists successfully transplanted a labgrown blood vessel into a patient’s arm! But, in emasculating news for male birds, scientists declared that most have no penis- they ejaculate sperm out of their cloaca, which is also the egress for urine and faeces… Bestiality fans take note: Two geese, one cup.

Thu, 20 Jun

In a sterling effort, scientists discovered that adding silver particles to antibiotics made them hugely more effective, whilst also guaranteeing that the added expense of these precious pills would put them beyond all reach of dying Africans. Wed, 17 Jul

Researchers discovered a means of “switching off” the extra chromosome that causes Down’s syndrome, suggesting all manner of ‘uppers’ (including meth, crack and ‘E’s) may offer a new treatment for the condition. Fri, 27 Sep

The IPCC’s Fifth Assessment Report released: climate change is “unequivocal” with 95% probability that humans are the cause. By 2100, seas will rise 1m, temperatures will be 4-6°C warmer and polar bears will be suing the University for misusing their image to ‘Seek Light’, when in fact all they ever wanted was a long, dark winter…

Future

The use of 3D printing will continue apace, with the technology already used to create edible space food, cars, a theoretical lunar colony, guns and body parts, to name but a few. In anticipation, Alan Bond has moved to monopolise the production of 3D glasses with a predictable display of corporate nous.

So there you have it: I aimed to show you the scientific stars, hypothesise that you’ve stopped reading well and truly by now, have been dubious in my methods and, as a result, can safely conclude that, as this leaves two months 2013 still to run,4 more THE of HILARIAN Edition 2013 research is needed. - 15 -


President’s Report Charlotte Thomas Welcome to the final edition of the Hilarian for 2013! On behalf of the AULSS, thank you for your support this year. We have been privileged to serve as your representatives over the past 12 months and hope you have enjoyed the events we have run. Thank you also to the Hilarian editors and to everyone who has contributed to this publication in 2013. Good luck to Priya Pavri, the incoming AULSS President, and her dedicated team for 2014. And good luck to all Adelaide law students for our upcoming exams – happy studying and even happier holidaying come Sunday 24 November!

Alexia Watts

Activities Report

“The most recent event for the AULSS was the South Australian Law Students Council dinner with Flinders and Uni SA. 290 Tickets were sold to the black tie event held on October 12th in the Intercontinental ballroom. The night was a fantastic demonstration of university collaboration and featured the Hon. John Rau MP as guest speaker. The room looked absolutely spectacular with the mirrored ceiling adorned with fairy lights and tables covered in Moroccan lanterns and red rose petals which had been generously donated for the evening by Inside Morocco, Events and Decor on Magill road. Thanks to all who attended and made the evening a huge success. Particular thanks goes to Charlotte Thomas, Hugo Shaw and Miranda van Heuven who assisted in the event arrangements. The next event for the AULSS is the closing party to be held on Fri Oct 25th at Mr Kim’s. This is going to be an awesome way to finish off the 2013 academic year before SWOT VAC begins, with your $20 ticket including entry fee, drink on arrival and $5 base sprits all night. Keep an eye on facebook for the event launch and details of ticket sales.”

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Rebecca McEwen

Competitions Report Competitions are set to come to a close on the 15th and 16th of October with the grand finals of the Novice Moot and First Year Moot respectively. All the competitors should be commended for their efforts across the semester, and the grand finalist congratulated on their achievements. The judges of both moots remarked on the calibre and diligence of the mooters over the course of the preliminary rounds and the quarter and semi finals. Antoinette Beaumont, Katherine Warner, Gordon Wicks and James Williams will be competing in the First Year Moot grand final. Alice Ashby, Caitlin Doyle, Oliver Morris and Shauna Roeger will be competing in the Novice Moot Grand Final.

As the year comes to a close, I would like to thank a variety of people for their involvement in competitions in 2013. Firstly, thankyou to all the competitors for your efforts. I hope that all those who competed enjoyed their competitions experience and will be back for more in 2014. Secondly, thankyou to the AULSS and, in particular, Charlotte Thomas, Sam Hooper and Ben Cosentino for their assistance and support. It was invaluable. Last, but certainly not least, I would like to thank the competitions team – Igor Popov, Hannah Martin, Meg Lowe, Nick Lee and Henry Davis – for their tireless work, their conscientious, their enthusiasm and their good humour. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to work with them. I have every confidence in the 2014 competitions team, and I wish them the best of luck next year.

The

Botanic Bar Student Deal $15 Sangria 10% off all drinks under $10

THE HILARIAN

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HILARIAN’S ‘HOW-TO’ GIRL, ALEXANDRA LONTOS, PRESENTS…

HOW TO:

NMENT IG S S A N FINISH A FORE E B T H IG N THE IT’S DUE

So there’s always “that kid.” You know the one I’m talking about. That one who literally has not read the assignment cover sheet, has never heard of the AGLC and leaves every assignment to the night before it’s due. Marks come out and they get a ridiculously high grade despite not starting it til four hours before the deadline. Don’t worry; I’m not one of those nocturnal geniuses (despite being guilty of a few allnighters/night-beforers myself). However, we can learn a lot from those people. Knowing how to finish an assignment the night before it’s due seems to be one of the essential skills of life at law school, so read on to find out how to perfect it. 1

The ‘preparation’ stage

This stage involves doing everything you can possibly do to prepare for the writing of your assignment. You read it over, highlight the title and open up a blank word document. Then you go and quickly make yourself some coffee because you need full focus. An hour later you return to your desk and realise that you need to get a study playlist going because nothing says ‘study’ like pop classics from 2001. Logging into MyUni for no particular reason is also a good idea, as well as reading over those emails from the front office from two years ago. You’re about to start the assignment but you realise that you will be unproductive if your back is sore so you should probably stretch your muscles and go for an aimless wander. To prepare for the writing of this assignment you realise that you need to get rid of all possible distractions, so you put your phone away and log out of any websites that are not study related. This may also involve (but is not limited to) re-reading the last fifteen texts you were sent and going through your browser history (but only for the purpose of making sure you can leave your phone and Facebook unattended for the next few hours, of course). Okay, now you’re definitely ready to start this assignment and get in the zone. It is best not to procrastinate during this stage. 2

The ‘getting started’ stage

This is the stage in which you realise that this question is way harder than it was in previous years and what did the writer even mean by including those particular terms anyway? Panic sets in slightly but you don’t let it rule you. You’ve got this and you have all the time in the world. You’ll probably get to sleep before midnight! You’re Usain Bolt and you’re going to get to the finish line of this assignment so you can pose infront of your bedroom mirror thinking about how you’re so damn good you should rule the whole damn world. 3

‘The zone’ stage

Okay so you haven’t really got anything on the page yet and you’re struggling with noting through this but that’s absolutely fine, all it means is that you haven’t hit the zone. Once you’re there, the answers will involuntarily come spilling out of your brain and for a fleeting moment you’ll realise that you finally understand the true meaning of the universe. THE HILARIAN

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Then… all of sudden… finally, you get in the zone and start getting this thing done. You deserve to have someone forced to stand behind you holding up huge speakers blarring ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ and the Rocky themesong so you can feel even more pumped up and unstoppable. 4

‘The post-zone’ stage

This is the stage where you realise you may indeed by stoppable and that the zone can last for a lesser duration than the time it takes for you to continually tell yourself that you “need to get in the zone”. It’s getting to the point in the night where fatigue hits hard and your eyes are glazing over. You’re looking at what you just wrote and questioning whether any of it makes. Then you realise… nothing in life makes sense. You have a semi-meltdown. You then realise that your emotions are getting the better of you and you need to take a break to gather your thoughts so you can return to this assignment properly. You check both your phone and Facebook in search of other law students who are struggling at 2.30am and you find them. It’s a beautiful unifying moment as you realise you’re not so alone after all. 5

‘Getting it done’ stage

It’s late now and there’s no going back. You’re going to finish this thing. You sit and type it out as the air of exhaustion calmly sedates you. As the night progresses, you get some energy back and you’re making progress. As the night continues to progress you defiantly declare to yourself that you “don’t even care at all anymore!” You’re just going to get it finished and submitted. You care so little, in fact, that you end up still reading over it ten times after you finish, checking that there are full stops at the end of all of your citations. As daylight breaks through your window, you spare a thought for all the people out there who are comfortably fast asleep in their beds and oblivious to the long and treacherous journey that you’ve just been through. Journeys like this are the kind that break the best of people, but not you. Bed (and some vodka, perhaps) await you now. You vow that you’ll start your assignment earlier next time. You then vow that if (and when) you fail to do that; you will not consider anything in this article as advice.

COMMERCIAL CLIENT FOCUSED LAW FIRM THE HILARIAN Edition 4 2013 www.claytonutz.com/graduates - 19 -


Ginanormous Rinehartoceros A special Lawreign Correspondent report In spectacular scenes in WA’s Supreme Court, litigious leviathan Gina Rinehart was sensationally stripped of the fat suit given to her upon her recent win on Australia’s Ugliest Woman. This came despite a packed public gallery’s desperate pleas for her to “Keep it on! For fuck’s sake, keep it onnnn!” as they scrambled for the nearest exit. Overlooking the ensuing offence of Gross Public Indecency, the Full Court of the WASC found unanimously for the aggrieved appellants, giving a joint judgment on the matter at hand, cock. In imposing the gelatinous injunction, the court considered that the case turned on whether or not the impoverished Hancock children would be able to ‘go the distance’ nutritionally as the testing trial of the Hancock Trust grinds on. To this end, deciding to throw the kids this fat-suited bone will enable them to maintain their current quality of life, making for a mean foie gras. In their subsequent written reasons, their Honours gave high regard to procedural fairness and an instinctive desire to slap down this wanton Wart of

An artist’s impression of a disrobed Rinehart in court (in figure-enhancing frame) THE HILARIAN

Ginanormous in happier times the West. But this came at the expense of a concern for the retinas of the Australian people, ingrained as they now are with the image of the Hancockian heffalump stripped bare. Now, in the bewildering shadow cast by her considerable girth, authorities are left scratching their heads as to how it all came to this. Former University of Adelaide Equity Lecturer, David Wrong, concedes he “hasn’t the faintest”. However, in a somewhat cryptic statement emailed from the extraditional safety of the Canary Islands, he says he looks forward to the day that “the Toad discovers what I’ve constructed with her trust!” Sadly it seems the stress of playing the highestever-stakes game of Remedies Roulette between equity’s darlings, the Hancock children, and nobody’s darling, Rinehart, has finally cracked that once esteemed equity expert… More reliable commentators point to Rinehart’s widely-publicised ‘strategic play’ for a controlling stake in Earwax

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Media as the roo poo that snowballed into this elephantile excrement. [After all, Earwax do own the rights to all Australia’s Ugliest broadcasts]. In fact, it was through this (Han)cock-eyed scheme that the well-known secessionista intended to push her agenda, under the auspices of beauty contest reality television. This “misguided”,1 even “fucking moronic”,2 idea came unstuck following Rinehart’s amateurish attempts at stacking the board of the media organisation with judges favourable to her calorific cause. Ever slow on the uptake, ASIC only grew suspicious when Ginia, Genoa, Ginga and Genie Rinehart were installed as Earwax executives, and also Ugliest judges, in quick succession…

Ginanormous and Clive Palmer discuss the mining tax

In her defence, Ms Rinehart simply rose to recite her much-maligned poetry, in which she attempted, and spectacularly failed, to rhyme ‘special economic zone’. For this, the judges added a pecuniary penalty of $1 million and imposed 150 hours of basic literacy lessons. 1 2

Adding to an already gripping saga, this latest flare-up has given Rinehart’s children an enormous boost of confidence in the ongoing battle for control of the family trust. Stay with us in the weeks and months ahead as the situation comes to a head; we’ll look back on the languishing legacy of Lang, bring you interviews with the far from twiggy Andrew Forrest on that affidavit and ask Hancock insider, Ita Dick, just what was going through Gina’s mind when she named her daughter Ginia.

Assoc. Prof. Christopher Symes, pers. comm. Ibid, on second thoughts.

The Hilarian is proudly supported by Lipman Karas, Clayton Utz and The Botanic Bar.

THE HILARIAN

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Megan Geurts provides some insight in Community Legal Centres

What is a Community Legal Centre? Community Legal Centres (‘CLCs’) provide free legal services to the community, often ‘filling the gap’ left by legal aid which is primarily directed toward family and criminal law matters. By providing access to timely advice and legal services, CLCs assist clients to resolve their matters before they escalate, reducing the impact on the client and their family. Some CLCs provide specialist services, such as the Welfare Rights Centre who provide free assistance in relation to Social Security law; an area in which most lawyers have little knowledge. Access to free, specialist knowledge such as this is important to help clients resolve their disputes as quickly as possible. The role of CLCs in advocating for change In addition to individual case work, CLCs also assist the wider community by advocating for changes to laws which are unjust or not working, by running campaigns and test cases as well as by educating the community on their legal rights. CLCs are well placed to identify where laws are or are not performing well through their contact with large numbers of clients, particularly where the CLC runs a specialist service. CLC advocacy provides a voice for clients who are unable to advocate for themselves to create a fairer legal system. CLCs receive funding from state and/or federal governments, but they largely rely on volunteer lawyers and law students to run their services. Currently, however, CLCs are struggling as demand for their services increase, but their funding does not. In response to this struggle to meet demand, Community Law Australia recently led a THE HILARIAN

campaign to increase awareness of the access to justice crisis in Australia. As a result of this campaign, the federal government has increased CLC funding by 25% over the next 4 years, and the Attorney General has announced a Productivity Commission inquiry to determine how to best improve access to CLC services to meet community demand. Despite this increase in federal funding, state funding is becoming highly unreliable for CLCs, many of whom rely on both federal and state funding. For example, in April this year, the Sydney Welfare Rights Centre was informed that their $400,000 of State funding would be cut in the next financial year, despite receiving this funding for the previous 30 years. Not only was there no warning of the funding cut, but no transitional provisions were put in place for clients who rely on the centre’s specialist knowledge which cannot be found elsewhere. Kindly the federal government stepped in to provide $400,000 of funding over four years; however this replaces only a quarter of the funding that was lost. The New South Wales State government is also attempting to prevent CLCs advocating for change to laws and government policy through the recent introduction of Principles for Funding of Legal Assistance Services.1 These principles,

“...the Sydney Welfare Rights Centre was informed that their $400,000 of State funding would be cut in the next financial year...” which will affect 60 legal assistance services throughout NSW, prevent CLCs engaging in activities “which may reasonably be described as political advocacy or political activism”, including, but not limited to: 1 You can find a copy of the federal Principles for Funding of Legal Assistance Services at www.naclc.org.au/cb_pages/ files/Principles%20for%20Funding%20of%20Legal%20Assistance%20Services.pdf

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i. Lobbying governments and elected officials on law reform and policy issues; and ii. Public campaigning and advocacy … seeking changes to government policies or laws; The New South Wales state government justified the Funding Principles as ensuring that government funding is used for core legal services and advice for those who cannot afford it. CLCs however, view the funding principles as ‘gagging’ them. The Funding Principles restrictions are concerning to CLCs who believe that their legitimate public interest work will be affected. As CLCs are in a unique position allowing them to identify deficiencies in the law; a large part of their work involves advocating for legislative change to assist the wider community. The Funding Principles essentially restrict CLCs to casework so they can only assist one client at a time, which is highly inefficient process. This means that CLCs will see the same problem arise again and again, and resources will have to be channelled to assist with each of these cases individually. In contrast, where CLCs can advocate to change laws creating a certain problem, they could assist multiple clients at once, while also improving our legal system. For example, CLCs in NSW recently advocated against proposed reductions in victims’ compensation payments. This advocacy simply would not have been possible under the new Funding Principles. In Queensland, similar restrictions have also been introduced in into funding agreements between the Queensland Department of Health and certain non-government organisations. The restrictions prevent these organisations advocating for state or federal legislative change or hosting links on their websites to organisations who do. The federal government has, however, been moving in the opposite direction and placing protections on CLC funding. For example the new Not-for-Profit Sector Freedom to Advocate Act 2013 (Cth) prevents and THE HILARIAN

invalidates such restrictive clauses being used in federal funding agreements. While this provides some protection, the reality is that CLCs still rely heavily on state funding which is, in many cases, being withdrawn or restricted. CLCs are seen as easy targets, because withdrawing their funding does not mean that governments are taking away people’s legal rights, they are simply making them harder to enforce. Preventing CLCs advocating for legislative change, will create a highly inefficient and resource intensive system which will simply hinder, rather than help, the current access to justice crisis in Australia. Why not get involved with a CLC yourself? Volunteering with a CLC is a great way to gain legal experience while helping the community and no matter what area of law you are interested in, skills such as client interviewing and maintaining client files will be useful in any field of law. To find a CLC looking for volunteers, go to www.naclc.org.au/index.php and click on ‘CLC volunteers’. Alternatively, Clinical Legal Education is a great elective which allows you to be placed in a legal office one day per week providing legal services to people in need. You can find more information about CLE at www.law.adelaide.edu.au/students/ special/clinical.

In 2010/2011, CLCs2 provided over 164,000 information, support and referral services provided more than 244,000 individual services worked on over 72,000 individual cases

2

www.naclc.org.au/cb_pages/clcs.php

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18 Legal Personalities you need to know... George Ligertwood

Michael Kirby

02

01 Supreme Court Judge in South Australia in the mid 20th Century and eponymous patron of the worst blight on the Adelaide skyline since that of fellow Supreme Court Judge, Thomas Napier.

03

Ex High Court Judge and human rights advocate. Openly homosexual and outspokenly in favour of a Bill of Rights. Dissidently inclined.

Greek philosopher and tutor to Alexander the Great. Proponent of ‘natural law’ ie. Law is law because it is law, and therefore must be obeyed lawfully...or something like that.

Thomas à Becket

Thomas à Becket

Sir Isaac Isaacs

05

04 First Australian-born Chief Justice of the High Court. Renowned for his plethoric proclivity to utilise verbosity in the formulation of judicial arbitration.

First female Justice of the High Court and first female on this list. Advocate for indigenous rights and President of the Tribunal of the International Labour Organisation.

06

Also known as Saint Thomas of Canterbury, a catholic bishop who fought with Henry II over the legal status of the Church.

Mary Gaudron

07

Aristotle

Not to be confused with his namesake, (previous), this famous barrister and Victorian Supreme Court Judge specialised in equity. Imagine that.

Lord James Atkin

08

09

Justice on the King’s Bench of Australian-Welsh origin. Told us that escargot and carbonated gingiferous beverages do not mix.

THE HILARIAN

May Donoghue

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Successfully whinged about the combination of the aforementioned escargot and gingiferous beverage – hello tort of negligence.


Tilda Willman has compiled a list of important legal figures of whom you really should be aware before leaving the hallowed grounds of Ligertwood.

Eddie ‘Koiki’ Mabo

Dame Roma Mitchell

11

10 This saucy minx was the first woman to be a judge, a Queen’s Counsel, a chancellor of an Australian university and the Governor of an Australian state. And she managed it all while living in Adelaide.

12

Torress Strait Islander who succesfully proved he owned his own land...I think...I didn’t actually go to property perspectives.

Sir Anthony Mason

AC, KBE, QC and ex-CJ of the HC. Reduced the role of precedent in High Court decisions and was presiding judge in the case of Mabo v Queensland (No 2) [1992] (see 11).

Malevolent, stygian sorceress of immense power within the Law School front office. Approach with utmost caution.

Prof. John Williams

15

Can list almost completing a law degree at Adelaide University among her other better-known achievements.

Fotina Agilidis

16

Sovereign ruler of Australia and therefore head of the Executive government, despite holding minimal power. Her progeny are as inharmonious as they are inconsequential.

Julia Gillard

14

13

Queen Elizabeth II

Incumbent Dean of Adelaide Law School and Constitutional Law specialist. Cycling enthusiast and tweed afficionado.

Charlotte Thomas

17

18

Beware the charming smile and friendly emails with offers of exciting new events, this iron lady will stop at nothing to hold onto power for another year.

THE HILARIAN

The Hilarian Editors

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A group of sarcastic law-students who have nothing better to do with their time than write mildly-humorous satire involving one-line gags that deconstruct the joke in the very course of telling it.


gh rs Hi Ho

Onesies

The Morphsuit of 2013

e

Hugo Balnaves Many of you will be familiar with Cook Suck (not to be confused with cock suck), which is effectively a blog, fueled by cynicism that critically analyses Facebook photos of food prepared by retards, for lack of a better word. If you’re not familiar with it, get familiar with it, because it’s hilarious. I have found that Cook Suck has spoken to the inner bitchy-12-year-old girl inside of me, and has effectively inspired me to write this article that I hope will inspire the inner bitch in you all. I find myself criticizing all uploads of food (mainly because I really don’t give a shit what you’ve cooked because chances are I’ve cooked it better than you in times past). However, it would be unimaginative of me to just copy the premise of Cook Suck. This is why I’m instead targeting something else, something far more heinous. The onesie. Issue number one. My computer right now has underlined the word ‘onesie’ in an annoying red line, indicating that it’s not a word. I’m with you Microsoft Word, ‘onesie’ is not a word, it’s not anything. What it certainly is not is something you should wear to bed, nor out of the house, nor to a party and certainly not by an adult with all their mental faculties. For those of you who don’t know, a onesie is effectively a one piece suit, made by infants (probably...) for infants, usually unconvincingly disguising the wearer as an animal of some sort. If you were to search onesie in Wikipedia, you’d be redirected to ‘Infant Bodysuit’. There we have it. Microsoft Word and Wikipedia are on my side. The Sydney Morning Herald published an article a month ago titled ‘The Power Of The Onesie’ *sigh* which featured a quote from Lisa Dwan, the head of international public relations for Onepiece (the sick creators of this stupid suit) likening the onesieexperience to “crawling inside a teddy bear’s womb”. What the fuck, you sick bitch. Not only does that sound repulsive, but it aggravates me more that she thinks she’s being hilarious and creative. Bear Grylls beat you to it hunny, in fact he slept inside the womb of an animal; a camel. He did it for survival, yet you’re supposing that people should do it recreationally? Sort your life out Lisa. If by now you aren’t ashamed of yourself for ever considering wearing a onesie, this ought to do it. Guess who is currently endorsing Onepiece? None other than Harry Styles, the lead vocalist/dictator of the One Direction cult. I don’t have enough ATP reserves in my THE HILARIAN

fingers to type an article expressing my thoughts about this horrific boy band. I can only assume that their hit song ‘You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful’ is directed to all their fans out there wearing onesies. Hey girls wearing onesies, I can tell you why you don’t know you’re beautiful, it’s because you’re not. Ladies, come on, you’re going to a dress up party and you choose to go as an animal, let’s say a mouse. Surely you’ve learnt that if you want to look hot, go in some tight figurehugging lingerie with some mouse ears and some cute little whiskers drawn on with eye pencil, as Mean Girls has taught us so well. Don’t fucking go in a polyester sack with a bum flap. It’s not cute at all. To all the lads out there heading to a dress up party, we know you’re aching to unbutton your onesie and let loose the fruits of your Goodlife membership which you would call ‘abs’. But don’t. Save it for Chatroulette or other dingy webcam dating sites. Not a good look. Finally to you, dear reader, I hope that this rant has put you off the attempted onesie trend for good. If

“...’onesie’ is not a word, it’s not anything. What it certainly is not is something you should wear to bed...” you’re not in the process of burning your onesie right now, then maybe consider burning yourself. I feel that the onesie has just become the ‘I’m all out of costume ideas’ or worse still the old ‘I’m just a quirky kind of guy who doesn’t take life too seriously’ option. There is no excuse. Shame on you. ***** Edition 4 2013 - 26 -


AFL: Grand Final Day That one Saturday in September has come and gone and with it the AFL Grand Final, and the conclusion of the AFL season. It was, as many predicted, Hawthorn; but their opponent was, appearing in their first ever Grand Final, Fremantle. We at The Hilarian sought a brief review of the game from one Hawthorn fan and one Fremantle fan. They give their views on the game below…

Hawthorn fan: Garry ‘The Hawkitzer’ Holland

Fremantle fan: Shane ‘What the Fruck?’ Frenton

What a day! What a game! What a season! I knew the boys would get up – especially because I’d brought my lucky nail clippers to Dazza’s Grand Final party. [By the way Daz, think I left them at your place – let me know if you find them!]

Mzungu kicked our first goal? Tendai f***en Mzungu?! Was he even born in the country?! He’s meant to be a defender not a f***en full-forward! Where were you Pav?!

All the boys were great! Gunston was a star upfront and I knew he would be, even though Jacko swears I told him I thought he was over-rated. And Lewis was phenomenal; even though I reckoned beforehand he was over-the-hill. And Lake – I knew he was gonna win the Norm Smith, I just felt it, even though I put a few a $50 on Sewell. The sweetest taste of all is that Hayden Ballantyne missed two sitters, did nothing all day and was clearly overwhelmed by the occasion. His performance was so bad that now surely even Fremantle supporters have given up on him. Please Freo fans, join the rest of us in our hatred for that turd.

Congratulations as well to Danyle Pearce for coping with the pressure so well – oh wait…God Port must be laughing at having got anything for you. Thanks as well for scoring the first goal…for Hawthorn! And thanks for your efforts Fyfe – you’re kicking’s about as straight as Hugh Jackman in an ad for Tarjay! You’re like an inverse Midas – everything you touched turned to shit... Oh and finally, well done Dawson on keeping Gunston quiet…Jesus…

It was also great that despite Fremantle’s muchlauded defensive game, a style suited better to a thin ground like Subiaco than a larger, wider ground like the MCG, they managed to lead us for a total of 0 minutes of the game. Does it matter we are going to lose Buddy? Probably. Is it a problem that several senior players might retire? Definitely. Do I care about any of this? Of course not! THE HILARIAN

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iHilarian Designed by Will Maitland in Adelaide. Made in Australia Edition 4, 2013. The Hilarian is the Official Magazine of the AULSS.

LK

THE HILARIAN

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