Issue 1 2011 by Hilarian

ISSUE 1 2011

MY CORNEAS HURT! HILARIAN HOSPITAL answers ALL your icky questions

DATE STAMP THIS! Sass makes a comeback in the front office

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WAYSTO LIE ON YOUR CLERKSHIP APPLICATION

Can you DATE OUTSIDE THE LAW SCHOOL? The experts weigh in!

THE GIN DIET THE CRAZE SWEEPING LIGERTWOOD

SUITS IN SEMINARS Hot looks for 2011

CIBO or not CIBO? How do YOU choose which CIBO to go to?

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EDITORIAL

EDITORIAL OF THE HILARIAN: A HISTORY HISTORY ? LEGALLY UN-‐CONFUSED THE SUGGESTION BOX ? GREW HERE, YOU FLEW HERE WE ? DEATH OF A BULLSHIT ARTIST? DO I GO TO IBIZA OR DO I TAKE THAT CLERKSHIP? ? SCHOOL INVESTIGATION #20 LAW THE EW LLSS. SS EAT. PNRAY. You elected them, now meet them!

SNOOKI’S SOCIAL PAGES

SLEEPING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP ? THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID ? JAWOHL HERR KAPITÄN

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OUR JULIA

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EXCHANGE DIARY

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LEGAL GAMES PAGE

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KEN’S KONVERSATION KORNER

Editors: Lily Black, Andrew Christopher, Patrick McCaffrie, Ken Menz and Delia Obst Contributors: Michael Fair, Chris Maitland, Fuchsia Millevoi, Emily Taliangas Publisher: Rainbow Press Special Thanks to Elly Bishop, Megan Comerford and Claire Wong for participating in our photos. This publication does not represent the views of the University of Adelaide Law school. This publication is not endorsed by the University Law School or the University generally. This is a satirical publication and it is the sole production of the University of Adelaide’s Law Students’ Society.

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FROM THE EDITORS

Few would have suspected that following successful revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt that the University of Adelaide’s very own Law School would be the next to be gripped by an insatiable desire for change. Yet as students awoke in Week 3 of 2011 they were greeted by the news that Rosemary Owens, the beloved Dean of the Law School, had been Dr. Williams shows off his stylish new Dean’s hat. overthrown in a bloody coup by the Supreme Leader of Australian Constitutional Law, John Williams. Stung by WikiLeaks allegations regarding her prudent leadership of the Law School, Professor Owens’ position was proved to be untenable, especially since stepping down from her role as Dean. Seizing an opportunity created by the civil disturbance at the Front Office regarding a box of lost pencils, Dr. Williams boldly swept past the off-‐white plastic umbrellas of the Taib Mahmud Court and through the majestic sliding doors into the historic heartland of the Law School -‐ the Ligertwood Building. He was then briefly held up at the stairs because it was 10:05 and they were a bit blocked with people exiting Law Lecture Theatre 2, but once those people cleared, he soared up to 2.19 with the simple idea fermenting in his mind that no students actually held -‐ ‘CHANGE’. And so, Rosemary Owens’ reign of responsible leadership came to an abrupt end, leading the populace of law students who inhabit Ligertwood deeply saddened and also slightly hungry. But the question on everyone’s lips is of course ‘what does this mean for the Hilarian’? As the Law School’s last remaining source of free media, we remain committed to bringing those hard-‐hitting stories that law students know and love, ranging from reviews of the legal principles of negligence evidenced in The Secret World of Alex Mack all the way to hastily written articles based around some sort of pun (A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability. Get it?). So the Editors of the Hilarian welcome you to this tumultuous year of 2011 and welcome our new supreme overlord John Williams. Oh and Dr. Williams, if you need us to run any smear campaigns for you, by all means let us know. We accept payment in Cadbury Crème Eggs or even better, money! And no, the front cover does not relate at all to the contents of this edition of the Hilarian. Your new editors, Andrew, Delia, Lily, Ken and Patrick.

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LETTERS TO THE EDITORS Dear Eds,

Dear Eds,

After experiencing the joys of a fire drill in Ligertwood, I noticed that the stairs and foyer soon became jammed packed with confused looking people squirming in every direction. This caused me to observe that if there actually was a fire, most of us would have been burnt to death in an intense blaze. Is there anything I can or should do as a responsible law student to minimize the risk for me and for others? Regards, Concerned Law Student Dear Concerned, Yes. Eds

What are the legal implications of Julia Gillard’s Carbon Tax, most importantly, what are the constitutional issues? Yours Sincerely, Legal Beagle Dear Legal Beagle, What are we? On Dit? Go ask your real law questions to someone who can actually answer them – Wikipedia. Eds

Dear Eds, As a first-‐year law student, I’m awful nervous about starting at uni and making friends. Have you got any tips on how to make friends and fit in? Thanks, Nervous First Year Student Dear Nervous, Follow these few simple tips you’ll go from wallflower to sunflower in minutes! 1. Compliment people on their outfit of Year 12 jumper, denim cut-‐offs and Havaianas. 2. Mock yourself up a business card and stand in the foyer handing them round. 3. If all else fails, drink a carafe or two of House Rosé at the Exeter. You’ll have friends in a flash! Eds

Dear Eds, Kickin’ in the front seat Sittin’ in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take? Love, Rebecca Black Dear Rebecca, That is a good question. Do we seize life to the fullest and take control in the proverbial ‘front seat’ of our lives? Or do we stay in our comfort zone and remain in the comfortable ‘back seat’, forever afraid? Or more importantly, why is a 13-‐year-‐old driving a car in the first place? No front seat for you! But then again, if you’re going to take the back seat where ‘My friend is by my right’, you are just playing favourites. What about the gentle lass on your left? Not cool enough for you, huh? Shame on you, Rebecca Black. Shame. Eds.

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History of the Hilarian: A History It has been said that to know where you are going, you must first know where you have been or sometimes where you are currently. To that end, Patrick McCaffrie casts his penetrating eyes over the brief yet fascinating history of the Law School’s third most popular magazine1. Founded in 1880, somewhat confusingly three years before the Law School even began operating, the Hilarian started out as a twice-‐daily publication with a circulation of just over 18. The long cold winter of 1881 and the accompanying flu epidemic reduced that circulation to just 17, with loss of regular reader Jimmy ‘The Hands’ McMackerel. Upon the opening of the Law School, the magazine achieved a much higher level of exposure, leading immediately to the Salt-‐water taffy was the subject of over 30 death of the entire editorial staff from articles between 1884-‐1885! hypothermia. The extreme breeziness of the Law School was soon remedied by the addition of doors, windows and a fourth wall to the Law School. The extinction of the editorial board was the first of many great successes that would come to the Hilarian over the next decades. The Hilarian won plaudits for its breathtaking coverage of the arrival of salt-‐water taffy and jazz hands, culminating in an ‘Australia’s Most Eligible Bachelor’ Award from Cosmopolitan magazine in 1919. Tough times would come however in the 30s as the Great Depression struck Australia, which led to a brief period where the Hilarian was printed on tissue paper to save money. Thrifty students quickly realised that the magazine could be re-‐used as toilet paper, which had become a luxury item4. Peculiarly, despite the numerous changes made to the content (and paper quality) of the magazine, this is a practice that has endured to this day. The counter-‐culture, social revolution and radicalism of the 1960s failed to influence the editorship of the student magazine who bitterly pursued a surprisingly virulent neo-‐ Nazi agenda for much of the decade. Embracing the ‘Fascist’ tag so aptly applied to them, the editors incited controversy with a number of explosive articles that variously; expressed disgust that “African-‐Americans The neo-‐Nazi agenda would have proved still haven’t thanked white people for giving controversial had anyone actually read the Hilarian. 1

Last year the Hilarian’s readership was only beaten by a three year old Readers’ Digest and an IKEA catalogue currently found in the Ligertwood foyer. 4 At the time, various newspaper headlines captured the mood, such as “Economy in strife? – No Sheet”, “Holy Sheet that’s Expensive” and “Who’s Unemployed, Angry, Poor and Desperate for a Proper Sheet? Everyone!”.

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them their freedom”; opposed feminism because “if women went to university their brains would grow bigger and heavier, and their wombs would atrophy, sending the world’s population into freefall” and decried the “missed opportunity for ethnic cleansing” presented by the Woodstock Folk Music Festival5. For the entirety of the 1970s, the student magazine was written and edited by one man, Arthur Ternwinkle. A 92 year-‐old part-‐time, mature-‐age student, whose law degree took 10 years to complete, Arthur was encouraged by his great grand-‐daughter, to take up management of the magazine. She also encouraged him to stop calling her, yet sadly not all her advice was heeded. His tenure is infamous for his musty smell and a focus on mature-‐age issues (such as increasing the volume of lectures for the hearing impaired, shorter semesters to limit memory-‐loss One dose of Metamucil will purify you of any related failure, bridge tables in the toxins or impurities you may get as a result of library, Metamucil to be served in all reading the Hilarian. University refectories and the teaching of criminal law through Midsummer Murders/Jonathon Creek episodes, despite neither of these programs coming into existence for at least another 20 years). He was also fondly remembered for the persistent allegations of sexual harassment that accompanied his wandering hands. Coinciding with the turn of the century, the information technology revolution propelled the magazine into the 21st Century6. Boasting a new design and more than 75% of the articles in English, the magazine renewed its commitment to dealing with student issues and university life. Unfortunately, the promise of this new editorial direction was, like so much at the time (Y2K, the 1998 Nagano Winter Olympics, Princess Dianna) overhyped. The editors only managed one edition for the period of 2000-‐2005 and its focus was solely on pasteurised cheese and its uses in Who could forget the poorly drawn Corporate Law. It was widely regarded as the ‘Snowlets’ who helped promote the best edition of the Hilarian that had ever been Nagano Olympics. produced. So there you have it, an extensive and accurate history of this venerable student magazine. But while the Hilarian has gone through many changes in throughout its life, we can promise you one thing will remain constant – it will always be a waste or your time. 5

For a discussion of whether ‘Hippie’ is an ethnicity see www.hip-‐hip-‐hippie.co.uk/pdf. As with all revolutions (French, Iranian, Dance-‐Dance) there were casualties – in this case the magazine’s copy-‐boy, Walter. 6

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I’d like to dedicate this article to the Dean of the Adelaide Law School and Elle Woods, my legal idol – two people I could not have successfully started my law degree without. . To be honest, beginning this article was almost as difficult as beginning my law degree was. In fact, it might have been even more difficult if I hadn’t received an e-‐mail from the Dean who so kindly e-‐mailed all first year students during O-‐Week with some helpful suggestions regarding “an excellent place to start”. For those first year law students who didn’t check their e -‐mail during O-‐Week (and those who still haven’t realised that they have a uni e-‐mail address – hint: you do!), let me quickly outline the Dean’s suggestions for becoming familiar with the “fundamental legal skills that are central to your law degree” (don’t worry – I too found these long words overwhelming!). 1. Collected relevant course materials and read chapters 1, 2, 3 and 19 of your Foundations textbook. If you’re like me, you forgot how to read over the summer break. Unfortunately, this problem really hits home upon discovering we are required to source various textbooks and course materials from all over the university/construction site. Making the trek down to UniBooks is an accomplishment in itself, but then finding the correct book amongst piles of vomit-‐inducing accounting and finance textbooks is a whole other matter. Furthermore, we were also instructed to go down to this so-‐called ‘Image and Copy Centre’, which, according to older students is located in the basement of an asbestos-‐filled building where people go to die. This suggestion is of very little help. 2. Put your legal hat on. Try to identify when and how the law is operating in the world around you. My fellow first year law students, I have been too embarrassed to ask our older, wiser peers (even the friendly ones with balloons at O-‐Week), but where can I buy a ‘legal hat’? They don’t sell them at UniBooks and I lost two terrifying bidding wars on eBay. Is there perhaps a second year law student reading this article that I can buy a second-‐hand one from? I’ve checked every notice board in the uni, but haven’t had much luck. (I did however notice that Rebecca is desperately seeking housemates so I’m including a little helpful advertising for Rebecca’s desperate cause.) My difficulty in finding this legal accessory meant that this suggestion was also particularly unhelpful (in fact, it caused me a great deal of stress). And just when I thought I had already failed as a law student before even commencing my degree, I came to the Dean’s third and final suggestion, which I found particularly inspiring, and I hope you will too! 3. I encourage you to check out some films that involve the law. So, I headed straight to Blockbuster. Unfortunately, there isn’t a specific ‘legal’ section, however I came across the perfect movie after reading nearly every DVD blurb in the place. If you haven’t seen it (or haven’t even heard of it, which was the case for me!), I strongly recommend you go out and rent Legally Blonde. Heck, I’d buy the DVD it’s that helpful! I don’t want to give too much of the intricate plot away, but let’s just say that Elle Woods is a first year law student (just like us!) who has some initial difficulties getting a grip on her law studies (even if she does own legal hats in every colour). Despite this, she ends up winning a court case in her first year, and even graduates at the top of her class!7 I learned many lessons from this highly academic legal drama, but I won’t share these with you. I think it’s time we started learning some things for ourselves. So make yourself some microwave popcorn, sit yourself down and get to work. Oh, just one more thing: if anyone does manage to track down a legal hat for me, can they make sure it’s pink because apparently it’s the new black Article written by Emily Taliangis – first year law student, hat aficionado and Gemini vegetarian. 7

Upon watching this film, I realise I need to get my act together and apply for a clerkship. Can anyone list some firms that specialise in the area of hair-‐care and nourishment?

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The

Box

The question “does anyone else have any grievances to air?” should never be asked at a committee meeting, let alone an inaugural LSS committee meeting, where it most unfortunately was. Grievances were indeed aired, or rather spattered, like cheap oil on a dirty frying pan. We at the Hilarian want to give the committee a helping hand by finding some solutions to these problems. Call us old fashioned, but what better way to do this than a suggestions box? After leaving the box in the reception for some weeks now, Lily Black would like to publish some of the more helpful responses. Student Profiles: Alice Alice, a 2010 Wilderness School graduate, is a first year law/commerce student. Alice is a little daunted by the university’s lack of formality and self-‐aggrandising weekly prize-‐giving ceremonies. She mourns the fact that she can no longer attend the Head of the River and keep her integrity intact, but she has a few tricks up her sleeve. Alice’s neurotic colour-‐coding skills, vacant confidence and brand new, impeccably accessorised iPad 2 will help her sail through Foundations and Torts this semester. Liang Liang transferred to the Faculty of Law at Adelaide Uni from China last year after completing a double degree in computer science and economics. He has a brilliant mind but has failed to engage with the majority of the student cohort. Liang hopes to change this by embracing his blokier side and engaging in misguided displays of Australian nationalism.

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Brenda After 25 long years of waiting tables in Adelaide’s northern suburbs, this remarkable working class mother of three has just begun the long journey through law school. She’ll stop at nothing to represent and exonerate her brother, who was wrongfully convicted of murder five years ago and has exhausted all avenues of public appeal. Every time she enters a tute room, her face, bristling with will power and sheer determination in the fact of adversity, never fails to move students to tears. Her ex husband thought she looked like Hilary Swank. He was wrong. Mr X Mr X, passionate about the anonymity of a suggestion box, has asked for his identity to be kept private. Question 1: The law school has recently experienced an increase in ‘class hoarders’ or those who add multiple courses on enrolment day and then drop out later in order to get the perfect timetable. Consequently, students aren’t getting the classes they want. How would you address this problem? Alice: At Wildy we had a deposit system for the best lockers, but if you had orthotics for your school shoes, you could get around the deposit system. I have such a bad knee from rowing and netty that I really needed a top locker, so I made sure Mummy had the top-‐of-‐the-‐line Witchery orthotics at the start of each year. Anyway, like why don’t we create a deposit system at the Law School? Like $500 a class. If you want to enrol in an elective you have to pay and if you drop out, you don’t get your money back. Simple! Ok great! XOXO A. Brenda: You know, when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade. When my brother Lenny was sentenced to life imprisonment five years ago, he didn’t have a suggestion box. I’m his only hope now. I’ve had to pull myself up by the bootstraps and charge on. Don’t worry Lenny, baby. I’m almost there… The final, no doubt awe inspiring sentence of Brenda’s response was smudged by a cascade of tears and rendered illegible.

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Liang: Fix a price on enrolment in classes and let the principles of a free market reign. The university should not regulate class enrolment prices either directly or indirectly, thus guaranteeing marketplace efficiency. Such a system would help communicate consumer demand to tutors and provide an adequate long-‐term solution to the problem of class-‐hoarding. Australia is a beautiful sun-‐swept country. X: If we put cinnamon in the air vents, Ligertwood would smell like donuts. Question 2: The LSS has discovered that morale in the law school is at an all time low. To boost it, they have suggested a dating competition. The Bachelor, James Harthouse, flies planes, drives Porches and has a kick-‐ass share portfolio. It even has Westpac shares in it. They’re like $18 a share. Shit he must be rich. Anyway, is this a good idea? What other ways could morale be boosted? Alice: OMGOMGOMGOM!!! Great idea guys!!!! The important question is: is he cute too?! Am I right ladies?! HOLA! XOXO A. Liang: GIGGATY GIGGATY Gigabytes! Here, I have used the suave Quagmire from Family Guy’s catch phrase and turned it into computing joke. I am intelligent but also down with the pop cultures. I think I should be the candidate for Handsome Bachelor #1. Would you like to go for a froth, sheila? Brenda: My brother Lenny always used to say to me, ‘Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow’. Lenny ain’t got the time for dating competitions now. It’s just like what Lenny always used to say, ‘Life’s like a cement trampoline’. One more year of school left Lenny, I’m coming. Mr X: I think Fridays in Ligertwood should be funny hat day. That would make me happy. Question 3: First year law students are finding it difficult to adapt to a ‘legal’ style of writing and researching. What should we do about this? Alice: Students need to understand that by sharing information with classmates, a truly harmonious student contingent is created. I’d advocate (please note use of legalese and I DIDN’T even do Legal Studies in Year 12 because I got glandular fever) for a series of workshops espousing the benefits of sharing and teamwork. As a pastoral care mediator, I feel I’m well equipped to run these workshops. My student number is a1184342. XOXO A. Brenda: Life is like a box of chocolates -‐ a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-‐shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper. Liang: I could create a PowerPoint on legal styles of writing and upload to Blackboard in about 3 minutes. It can be called “Do you speaka my language? Now hand me a Vegemite sandwich”. Mr X: I think there should be a water slide from the 4th floor down to the courtyard. Those stairs are hard to climb if there’s nothing fun at the top.

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WE GREW HERE

YOU FLEW HERE

Patrick McCaffrie mounts his high horse and tells it like it is. The decision by the University of Adelaide to accept up to 200 foreign students is yet more evidence of an institution that is out of touch and a law unto itself. This incident has exposed the ascendancy of left-‐wing lunacy in tertiary institutions and the selective-‐ignorance of a biased mainstream media. This once great institution has chosen to ignore the significant scientific evidence that New Zealanders fail to integrate into mainstream Australian society and are a disruptive force for real Australians. This preposterous unaccountability has gone far enough. The clearest indication of the folly of the University of Adelaide’s decision to “accommodate” thousands of these people is exemplified by the indisputable fact that these students do not speak our language. When people do not speak the ‘natural’ language, they are likely to form their own social cliques and clusters, isolated from the general student body. These groups are 85% more likely to be unemployed and cause 73% more social disruption. Think of the disturbance this will cause to normal students as lecturers and seminar leaders are required to teach in two languages. In fact, we are accepting so many, that lectures will have to be taught entirely in New Zealandish! These “refugees” will not integrate, because our cultures are so vastly different. They suck at cricket, we are great at it. Their flag has red stars, ours has white stars. They don’t have summer, we love summer. Their Indigenous people face significant economic and social obstacles, our Indigenous people don’t. Is it any wonder the number of ethnic gangs roaming the streets at night has increased? These gangs prey on decent Australians who have grown up here, worked hard all their life, and never stuck their hand out for government welfare. They are spitting in our faces. Millions of dollars are flooding into the ethnic communities every week as the government simply hands over millions of our dollars to these invaders -‐ to keep on invading us! And it doesn’t even rate a mention in the media -‐ or from the Liberal opposition! Why am I the only one thinking about this? This policy will end in a shambles, mark my words. Australia needs to toughen its border protection policies to stem the flood of outsiders, not encourage them! I don’t know about you, but my grandparents fought hard in WWI and II so that people like me could be attacked by decent, hard-‐ working Australians, not these free-‐loading foreigners!

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Death of the Bullshit Artist?

Chris Maitland Only recently I was in the pub solving mine and the world’s problems over a pint of Theakston’s Old Peculiar. Midway through an interesting diatribe on the merits of trade over aid one of those present decided to crosscheck some of my supporting arguments with the aid of his iPhone. Within seconds he produced facts and figures that pulled the metaphorical rug out from under my argument. Within seconds I pulled the literal bar stool out from under him. The satisfaction of this was not, however, enough to overcome the irritation of this new social disease. My response is perhaps a symptom of iPhobia but his sleek thumbwork and fast wiki-‐wending in public is surely a symptom of a society gone to the dogs. The new title: wiki-‐wankers. When one can’t sit there over a beer spouting facts and figures that are as shaky as the bar stool and be looked up to with admiration, something is rotten in the state of Denmark, as MacBeth would say.* The once great quiz night, a highlight for all those who like me are snappers-‐up of unconsidered trifles, is now reduced to a battle of the thumbs. A thumb-‐war. The wiki-‐wanker has ‘kiddie pool knowledge’, broad but shallow. Then again, maybe conventional knowledge is a 20th century thing and the new battleground is over who can find the right fact the fastest. Who has time to read Plato’s Republic when Wikipedia can give you enough to name-‐drop it into your brief ranting article. Perhaps brevity is the new black. Take the Collins Pocket English Dictionary for example, it’s no OED. But the advantage? You can get from coffee to coitus without all those unnecessary words in between. Like what? Well, like cohabitation for example… *

The wiki-‐wanker tells me this is Hamlet, Act I Scene IV.

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Do I Go to Ibiza or Do I Take that Clerkship? Fuchsia Millevoi Yes, believe it or not, it is a question that we will all ponder at some stage of our law degree. Perhaps not necessarily Ibiza...after all I was dragged there against my will after the SuperClubs had shut for winter leaving primarily mingers behind. However, insert any similar sun drenched party island with scantily clad bronzed beach babes image here! As a young twenty-‐something I found myself, like a large chunk of other similar-‐minded law students, sitting in lectures daydreaming about being far, Eds: Here’s your image Fuchsia! far away from learning about the thrills of income tax law. You know those lectures where your friend on your right keeps nodding off and hitting you in the shoulder with his forehead, while you end up drawing a caricature of whoever your lecturer may be, with a brief interlude of Connect Four. It is inhumanely possible to not start planning for an extensive overseas trip as your eyes become dangerously glazed over. It is because of these thrilling lectures that I believe that law students contribute significantly to the tourism economy and potentially even keep it afloat. My pocket certainly did and I tried to get at least one trip overseas a year from the money I had scrounged up working casually during my degree. But as I ploughed through my final year of law, I knew that it was different this time. I wanted to go away for a while, 3 months at least, at the end of my degree and celebrate my last vestiges of freedom. However this came head-‐to-‐head against another thrilling way to spend three months – clerkships. This was the one topic on everyone’s lips – how many you had done, who you had done them with, how many you were going to do. Listening to people endlessly talk about them was enough to make even the best student doubt they will ever find a job and want to curl up into a bowl of brownie ice-‐cream. So my predicament was this – final year law student, getting above average grades with previous legal clerk work, doing a clerkship at the end of the year or living out my classroom daydream and escaping reality. The choice seemed pretty obvious to me at first. Heart racing, anticipation rising I decided to bite the bullet and do something unexpected. I decided to take that 6 week clerkship on award rate and begin my career as a tax lawyer! If I did though, this story would end here with a delightfully witty tax law based pun. It doesn't. Of course I didn't take the clerkship, nope I did not even come close. The reason being that Pandora's box was never opened wide enough for us to see the future -‐ precisely because if we could see the future we would always make the right career decision and have no fun, preventing us from learning things the hard way. THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 14 -

Being the invincible young person that I was, I decided to jump on out of little old Radelaide and get a taste of something different. I lived overseas for three months and loved every second of it. Travelled all over Europe, met some crazy, interesting kids and discovered what makes the world go round. On return to Adelaide however, life was a little more bleak. Most of my friends had done clerkships and many of them had got jobs as a result. I was very pleased for them but a bit stressed with my job hunting. Turns out it would take me a while to get myself any work at all and hindsight was having a good old laugh at me for not taking that clerkship. I realised how important they really are. But all in all, I knew that if I had gone straight into work, there still would have been a holiday ache within me busting to get out like a food baby after going all-‐out on a drunken Asian food binge on Gouger Street. I do not regret one moment of my rampage in Berlin or my frolicking through Spain. Despite the stern words from the parents and the gloating people in their ideal jobs, life is to live and learn and it is my view that work seeks you when you're completely ready to devote yourself to it. And by the way I have nothing against income tax law, you will all see how important it becomes when you start to practice.

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THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 17 -

The Hilarian Welcomes a New LSS!

Well wasn’t the campaign for the LSS bloodthirsty last year? I mean we had no clue who would reign supreme. So many talented candidates! But eventfully, Megan Comerford crawled her way to the top and now rules the Law School with an iron fist. Here is what she and her committee will be up to this year and also a brief idea of what each portfolio actually does.

2011 Executive President: Megan Comerford president@aulss.org.au Vice-‐President (Administration): Claire Wong vpa@aulss.org.au Vice-‐President (Education): Gabby Golding Personal: vpe@aulss.org.au Portfolio: education@aulss.org.au Vice-‐President (Careers & Sponsorship): Rebecca Schultz Personal: vpcs@aulss.org.au Portfolio: careers@aulss.org.au Activities Director: Joseph Scales Personal: vpac@aulss.org.au Portfolio: activities@aulss.org.au Competitions Director: Jon Black-‐Tiong comps@aulss.org.au Social Justice Director: Emmanuel Njuguna socialjustice@aulss.org.au

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 18 -

The Hilarian Welcomes a New LSS!

2011 Committee

Activities Representatives: Alyce Ricciardi, Natasha Hayes, Richard Hordern-‐Gibbings and Sophie Waples activities@aulss.org.au

Competitions Directors: Katie Aust, Michael Calabrese and Justin O’Donohoe competitions@aulss.org.au Education Representative: Evelyn Johns education@aulss.org.au I.T. Officer: Edward Gainer it@aulss.org.au Mature Age Representative: Beatrix Van Dissel matureagerep@aulss.org.au

Social Justice Officers: Asta Hill, Aphra Lee and Miriam Wishart socialjustice@aulss.org.au Hilarian Editors: Lily Black, Andrew Christopher, Patrick McCaffrie, Kenneth Menz and Delia Obst hilarian@aulss.org.au

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 19 -

President’s Report: Megan Comerford Meet the many fun faces of everyone’s favourite president as she lays down the law with a delightful acrostic poem. Can you guess what word she is spelling? (Hint: the word rhymes with resident)

assion: We have an amazing team of passionate individuals on

our AULSS Committee this year! Our dedication to each portfolio means that you will always know what is going on, what is coming up and how to get involved. gfnh

epresentation: The LSS represents the student body. We

promote your interests and needs, and communicate with the Law School on your behalf.

nthusiasm: We planned to run the 2010 election campaign as

the GO TEAM!!! We are all about ACTION!!! This LSS GETS THINGS DONE!!! And if that wasn’t enough for you here are some more exclamation marks!!!!!!

tudy: We want you to get the most out of your time here as

possible – and to achieve that, you need to have a balanced lifestyle. We can help you enhance your studies with educational workshops, seminars and bulletins, and balance this with career opportunities, competitions, social justice initiatives and more!

deas: Have you had a brainwave for a new initiative that the LSS

could implement? We are always looking for student involvement and would love to hear your ideas! Just email president@aulss.org.au.

D E

elightful: We are friendly and fun!

vents: Our Activities Team, and the LSS as a whole, is

committed to bringing you quality, good value Events. Party time starts very soon – check out our Calendar for dates and details!

ational: The Australian Law Students’ Association helps our

LSS get involved in national initiatives – so our students can get benefit from the great ideas at other universities. Being involved at a national level means we won’t get left behind!

eam: The 2011 LSS is all about working together as a team to

get the best possible results across all portfolios, to deliver maximum benefit to the student body! The whole team is looking forward to a fantastic year!

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 20 -

Administration: Claire Wong Say hi everyone to the super keen Claire Wong and her domain of organization. Hello Reader. For those who do not know, the VP (Admin) spends their time organising money, minute-‐taking and our personal favourite, lockers. Apart from these lovely tasks, life is pretty free and easy for me so you are more than welcome to drop me a line with any questions you may have about my portfolio or the AULSS in general.

Education: Gabrielle Golding and Evelyn Johns Let them educate you about life. Hey there! We would like to introduce ourselves as the LSS' Education Portfolio for 2011 -‐ Gabrielle Golding (Vice President (Education)), and Evelyn Johns (Education Representative). We hope you thoroughly enjoy your Law studies during 2011! Woo hoo! Our best piece of advice would be to do every single reading each week, not miss a single lecture, and basically not have any fun at all while you're studying. ...Well... maybe not! Just remember to enjoy yourself and get the most out of your classes (and don't be that person who puts their hand up 500 times per lecture). Please don't hesitate to email us if you have any education-‐related questions or concerns regarding your Law studies because it's our role to advocate on your behalf. We would love to get to know you all, and we both look forward to seeing you at the next pub crawl

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 21 -

Careers and Sponsorship: Bec Schultz Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, we love money. The Careers and Sponsorship Portfolio of the LSS plays the very necessary role of securing funds for the year’s activities. We pursue firms like hounds of the Baskervilles, nipping at their heels for every extra dollar, selling them exposure to students in Competitions, Publications, Social Events and the Careers Fair. A collateral benefit of this process is that students actually gain exposure to the opportunities that firms and organisations have to offer in your future careers. And our discount pricing and careers seminars ensure that less affluent organisations can get your attention too. Bec has a degree in International Studies and is in her final year of Law. Sam is in his third year of Arts/Law. They both live in the beer-‐sodden pits of North Adelaide that is St Mark’s College, and venture up to the University for fresh air and the occasional lecture at least once a month.

Competitions: Jon Black-Tiong Get ready to compete for this team’s love and affection. Greetings, I am Jon Black-‐Tiong your competitions director for 2011. I along with your competition reps. Justin O’Donoghue, Katie Aust and Michael Calabrese we organize the various AULSS competitions. In particular we organise mooting, client interviewing, witness examination, negotiations and, the ever popular, paper presentation. Competitions are a great way to get involved with your LSS, meet plenty of new people, and to gain some practical skills which you can use later in your career. I would encourage everyone to at least compete once in your time here at Adelaide University as they provide a real insight into various aspects of professional practice and you get to receive insight from professionals working at some of Australia’s leading law firms. Best of luck in the following year.

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 22 -

Activities Director: Joseph Scales If you ask him nicely, Joseph is more than willing to take you an all-‐expense paid night out on the town! (NB: that may be a lie) If there is one thing that makes the hours in the corner of the Law Library with your eyes bleeding over a textbook somewhat bearable, it’s the fact that you’re not alone. If you are not already a member, you really should join the ‘My upcoming law exams make me want to set myself on fire’ Facebook group, and then join the ‘Adelaide University Law Students’ page – the first, for solidarity, the second for information on where to release some pent up energy. We all feel the terror and the LSS is here to help with a series of debauchorous activities from dancing, to gambling, to drinking to crawling. Sometimes you just have to let off some steam. This semester, we have the first pubcrawl, the Oakbank Easter Races and the (in)famous Law Ball. Of course, the LSS at all times advocates responsible consumption of alcohol. And seriously, it’s not all about drinking – it’s about getting out and having some fun together. This year we will also have our Annual LSS Quiz Night, the odd pizza lunch and a spattering of little events to keep life light. Uni can be such an enjoyable time and as law students we are lucky that the campus culture is alive and well in Ligertwood. From first years to final years, the events organised by the Activities portfolio are the ideal way to build up friendships with the people with whom we will be studying into the early hours of the morning…the same people that we will be working alongside in years to come in the profession. Working with me in the Activities portfolio is a fantastic group of Activities Representatives (Tash Hayes, Richard Hordern-‐Gibbings, Sophie Waples and Alyce Ricciardi), all of whom have been busy over the summer to ensure that we enjoy some down time in 2011. You’ll see us often in the Law School foyer selling tickets and spruiking upcoming events. I look forward to studying, celebrating, commiserating and partying hard with you all in 2011!

Social Justice: Emmanuel Njuguna Emmanuel Njuguna Hi Everyone, Since not all of us are comfortable with selling their souls to a commercial law firm, as the 2011 Social Justice Portfolio, our job is to raise awareness of the many alternative ways to use your law degree. To do this we aim to bring in guest speakers on engaging topics which fall outside of the mainstream, like human rights and environmental issues. We will also be working on giving opportunities to law students to take part in conferences related to such issues through a sponsorship program. Look out for updates from us regarding non-‐commercial placements and conferences throughout the year.

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 23 -

Friday AApril pril 1 Friday PubCrawl PubCrawl Monday A pril 2 5 Oakbank Oakbank Monday April 25 Friday June 3 Law Ball Law Ball Friday June 3

Andrew Christopher Andrew Christopher

Sleeping Sleeping your w your way ay to the top! to the top!

Summer is over and many of our dear readers may have just finished a summer clerkship. The hours were long, the work was tough and the experience was pointless vital and most of us never wish to experience it again. Nevertheless, for students wishing to pursue law as a career, a clerkship is the perfect way to put your foot in the door at your favourite local firm. During those four weeks, you are expected to work a standard twenty-‐hour day, knowing full well that how well you perform will determine whether or not a job is offered to you in the future. However, how can one truly give their best performance, when one has come straight from a fulltime student lifestyle followed by a few weeks of fulltime summer break retreat? The answer is napping. Since its invention in 1920s Berlin, napping has been found to be beneficial, refreshing the mind, improving overall alertness, boosting mood and increasing productivity.8 For example, in an episode of Seinfeld9 George Costanza’s productivity in the workplace was dropping due to general fatigue. To combat this, George constructed a makeshift bed under his desk and proceeded to take a daily nap. The results were exceptional. Now we can take a leaf out of George’s book and apply it to our situation in the law firm, albeit with a few creative changes. Of course we’re aware that squeezing under your desk at 3pm to nap will not be looked upon favourably by the partners, so we have come up with the five best places to take a cheeky nap during your clerkship. 1. The Firm’s Law Library Each firm normally has a law library that is rarely used. These libraries often contain a corner where there are no windows or walkways intersecting. We recommend you pick up a thick text (A Lunn Volume or current Income Tax Legislation works perfectly well) and place directly on your lap whilst facing this corner on a comfortable yet sensible chair. Proceed to lower your eyelids and be whisked away to dreamland. If someone enters your section and asks why you are sitting there and not reading at your desk, you need simply reply that there was only one copy in the library and you didn’t want to ‘disturb the system’ considering you’re new to the firm. If anything, they will simply regard you as being exceptionally polite.

8 9

www.wikipedia.org Just because it is fictional doesn’t mean it’s not true.

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 25 -

2. The Toilet Cubicle Although not the most comfortable place to take a nap, it is definitely the most private. Make sure you pick the cubicle next the wall so as to make sure at least one side is completely solid. Using toilet paper, make a temporary pillow to rest your head on the wall. Be sure to lock the door and keep the lid down.10 3. The Fire-‐Exit Stairwell Depending on the size of the law firm, this next location could prove ideal for those of you wishing for uninterrupted solitude during your naps. With larger firms located on more than one level, there is often a staircase that is to be used only in the case of emergencies. Normally completely concrete, this area is perpetually cool in those summer months, ideal for an afternoon siesta. If your firm requires you to have a key card to enter the elevator, this spot proves even more foolproof as you can simply pretend to have forgotten your card when you went out to get your partner his ‘surprise’ afternoon macchiato. 4.The Supreme Court Library In today’s modern age, the majority of a law clerk’s time is spent doing menial researching for their partners online. Whether it be through Lexis Nexis, Westlaw or Hein Online, a law clerk is expected to be an expert on any given database. If given cases to find11, this is your perfect opportunity for another quality nap. Whilst ‘researching’ online, you can claim that you are unable to find an online version of a certain case and suggest to a partner that you go down to the Supreme Court Library to locate it in hard copy. Your success depends on your acting. You need to suggest to the partner that you need to go down the library in such a way that he/she believes they themselves came up with the idea. If they feel they made the decision, they are much more inclined to let you go for an unspecified amount of time. Once at the Supreme Court Library, you have endless possibilities of where to nap, whether it be next to the New Zealand Statutes of 1860, in the photocopy room or under the front desk by the librarian’s pleather sandals. The world’s your oyster and the never-‐ending domain of Mr. Sandman awaits you with open arms. 10

This position should not be used more than once twice a week in case of suspicion arousing concerning your general health. If you are female, this can be easily covered by using the words ‘women’s problems’. 11 You will be given cases to find.

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 26 -

5. At Your Own Desk This last location should only be attempted by the most experienced law clerks. Falling asleep at your desk whilst remaining unnoticed is a specialised art. In order to pull this one off, you need to be a light sleeper with greater than average sized hands. Once again, find a large textbook/legislation with small font and place on the desk. Rest your elbows either side of the text with your hands holding your head in a visor grip (refer to picture left). Being sure that your peripherals are completely covered by your hands, you may proceed to nap furtively. It is of the utmost importance to remember to wake yourself every 4 minutes to either turn the page or make a quiet noise of frustration suggesting the text is difficult to read. Partners walking by will simply believe that you are a dedicated and determined law student who wishes to grasp the intricate workings of the law, when really you are engaged in an epic dream battle constructed entirely in your own mind!

By following this advice, not only will you be refreshed every afternoon, but also the standard of your work will shine above the other, more sluggish clerks. Should you succeed in being offered a job, you can know full well your success is to be attributed to the humble nap.

Graduating soon? If you want to seek admission as a lawyer then you should enrol in Practical Legal Training (PLT) with The College of Law. The College is Australia’s only truly national PLT provider offering programs in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth and Canberra. Our Graduate Diploma of Legal Practice offers: multiple start dates throughout the year full-time and part-time options to suit your work situation flexible online learning platform Practice Papers included free of charge online legal job board to help you find work experience experienced practitioners as lecturers

Ask for our 2011 Handbook today. Call us on 1300 856 111 or visit www.collaw.edu.au/plt

That’s What She Said!

Below we have four despots who ruled their land with an iron yet supple fist. Sadly, they grips on their once mighty empires are slipping away, leading them to say some kooky yet illuminating things. Can YOU guess who said what? Let the great experiment begin! “Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”1 “Sharon is capable of making peace.”2 “I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood.”3 Muammar Gaddafi – Dictator of Libya “I am writing to let you know that today marks the end my term as Dean of Adelaide Law School.”4 “Were it not for electricity, we would have to watch television in the dark.”5 “There are some people who dislike this whole spirit and blood, or soul and blood business. It's Charlie Sheen – Dictator of Two and A Half Men 6

better to change it.” “I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”7 “Signal left, then right, then left, then park.”8

“My name is Charlie Sheen.”9

Hosni Murbarak – Dictator of Egypt

? Rosemary Owens – Dictator of Ligertwood

Charlie Sheen 2 Hosni Murbarak 3 Charlie Sheen

“Obeying your parents is more important than doing as your parents say.”10 “A woman has the right to run for election whether she's male or female.”11 ”In every year I have been Dean we have celebrated outstanding student successes.”12

Rosemary Owens Muammar Gaddafi 6 Hosni Murbarak

Charlie Sheen Hosni Murburak 9 Rosemary Owens

Muammar Gaddafi Muammar Gaddafi 12 Rosemary Owens 11

Jawohl Kapitän! Jawohl Herr Herr Kapitän! Interning erman Style Interning GGerman Style By air By M Michael ichael FFair

Friday night drinks were always an interesting affair at Schmidt & Fickinger. While learning German at school I was always in awe of the efficiency of its grammar – its inflexions, sound shifts and diphthongs. Their love of efficiency meant that I always had a desire to work with Germans in a German law firm. They just seemed so technologically advanced and bossy; a winning combination for a law firm one might think. Well this summer I had an opportunity to test that theory. I worked in Berlin at a commercial law firm in their Mergers and Acquisitions department. Before starting the internship my heels were clicking with enthusiasm. Sadly then I realised that their office wasn’t located in Berghain. Apart from that initial foolish hope, I didn’t expect too much else from the internship or my colleagues, except I guess a bad taste in shoes and a general affection for leather and chains. With my mind being firmly occupied by these purely non-‐professional matters, I paused for a few moments before the internship started in an almost religious state of silence, contemplating the days and weeks that would follow of me being the office slave. Faster than you could say ‘Neunundnuenzig Luftballoons’ it was my first day of work and I was taken around the office to meet everyone. After explaining to everyone that I was Australian, and not Irish as they all thought for some reason, it was time to get to work. With only paper-‐thin walls and glass windows in sight, my hopes of an oppressive dungeon like work atmosphere was looking severely out of touch with Schmidt & Fickinger’s cozy Global Headquarters. reality. THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 29 -

Reality was in fact doing all that which can be associated with an internship. There was a lot of nodding, coffee, looking lost, hiding from the partners and actually just doing work. Yet the German experience also included me trying not to smile when addressing people as ‘Herr Doktor Schmidt’ or ‘Frau Fickinger’. Conversely, it was also my turn to make them smile by trying to demonstrate my knowledge of German civil law. What would an English Michael's attempts to fit into German culture soon speaking student with endeared him to the fabulous Frau Fickinger. a common law background know about German law you might ask? Good question; and one that didn’t take long to answer – not much. But that in itself presented more of a welcome challenge than something to be nervous about. Although rooms full of codified law books can be quite daunting, it’s just a minor concern in comparison to overly professional Germans asking you questions. ‘Direct’ is a word that certainly comes to mind, but it would have been much more daunting if they had swapped their current Hugo Boss uniforms for those of days gone by and had Charlotte Rampling as the tea lady singing “Wenn Ich Was Wünschen Dürfte”. Suddenly, reality strikes back in the form of those incredibly annoying fluorescent lights and the fantasy has well and truly ended. A month on the bean, a month of office fantasies failing to come to fruition, a month of rambling to myself and a month of making myself smile. Interning in Germany was definitely an enjoyable experience and once I would recommend to everyone. Food was both confronting and confusing. THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 30 -

LAW IS FUN.

L o v e t Think you can write a better article than this? Send your contributions to klap.hilarian@gmail.com.

h e

H i l

Our Julia Delia Obst Our prodigal daughter has returned! On March 16th, The Hon Julia Gillard MP, almost owner of an Adelaide University Law degree, slipped into the back of Bonython Hall, artfully avoiding protestors (she also almost had an Arts degree) to give the Don Dunstan Foundation Key Note address. These days, politicians, like all public figures, receive so much media exposure it’s easy to believe we know them personally. As such, among the foundation regulars, Labor die-‐hards and the University faculty enjoying their VIP seats, there was also a section of the audience who had come simply to see Julia in real life and test their preconceptions. Rest assured, her voice is just as smooth as it sounds on TV. As the second red-‐headed Prime Minister of Australia, Julia has a high expectations to shoulder. I had looked forward to learning more about the woman who began her tertiary education here, even if, due to circumstances beyond her control, she had to receive From this her diploma in Melbourne. Julia began her speech with a healthy dose of the self-‐deprecating humor Australian audiences know and love; assuring us she wouldn’t follow so closely in Dunstan’s footsteps that we would see her wearing pink shorts into Parliament, “Not with my legs!”. Good one Jules. But, all too soon the Parliamentary version of AutoTune kicked in, and far from being ‘fun, fun, fun, fun’, she began to recite a policy speech about climate change. This came as a disappointment not only because all evidence points towards the world imploding in 2012, but also, if I had wanted to hear political rhetoric I would have tuned into Parliament or turned on Q&A. Speaking of which, is it a coincidence that during her Q&A appearance she also sought to charm the audience with self-‐deprecating comparisons to Gwyneth Paltrow? While it is understandable that Julia is taking all opportunities to defend the carbon tax and painstakingly paint her options as “action, or inaction” as part of a coalition government, surely returning to your first university is the perfect occasion for a little less media management. Julia spoke of Don Dunstan as the great social reformer, but never once broke from the well-‐ To this

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 32 -

rehearsed speech to acknowledge the students who cared enough about social progression to protest for equal marriage rights outside. I would have thought that for alumni, student activism and engagement would be welcomed, especially since we are hardly a generation prone to protest (unless joining a Facebook cause or a flashmob counts). “Friends,” she said, the greatest reforms are often met by “fear and misunderstanding”; “Friends,” Australians of the future will look back in shame if we miss “the wave of change”. Regardless of whether Julia considered it wise to be drawn on the issue of same sex marriage, how much credibility can a speech condemning those who close their eyes to change really hope to have, when it is delivered to an audience who are being asked to block their ears? Nevertheless, the ‘carbon tax’ sell continued, complete with frequent digs at the Liberals, most notably that their position on climate change was merely “a fig leaf for denial and decay”. Unfortunately in my mind this translated into an image of Tony Abbott swapping his speedos for foliage… perhaps Julia is a more cunning tactician than I thought. Searing imagery aside, my main cause for reaction over this speech is that I had hoped for more. When you have just come back from handballing a football around in the Oval Office (yes, we are so foreign we even have our own football) you have stories to tell! In a time of almost unimaginable reform in counties such as Egypt, and huge upheaval in Libya, there would be a captive audience for an explanation of just how this former Adelaide student approaches the world stage. How does life in the fast lane of North Terrace prepare you for life as the leader of the country? How do memories of the moon landing compare to memories of speaking in Bonython Hall as Student Union President? However, it was not to be, which leads me to the question: friends, what do we want from a But sadly, not to this Prime Minister? Is it too much to ask for an Obama? Someone who leaves you dizzy with the thought of change and progress, marveling at the idea that they went to the same University as you, and taking a second look at your hairdresser to see if he’s long-‐term partner material? I do think Julia is an impressive politician, and arguably the function of a Prime Minister should be to deliver policy, but I want to see Oprah with tears in her eyes! Or at the very least, Bert Newton. Could that happen here? A watery-‐eyed Bert in the front row, Guy Sebastian reaching out to the masses on the campaign trail, proclaiming, “Julia’s running so we all can fly”? Perhaps not. Perhaps Australians are too cynical, and perhaps with Barack’s approval rating lower than ever it is for the best. Should we be happier with the one we’ve got? After all, she knows where she’s going (…forward) and she knows where she’s from. Don’t be fooled by the accent she’s got, she’s still our Julie from the block.

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 33 -

OMG I’M ON EXCHANGE – SO COOL! Going on an exchange during your law degree? Realise that writing a diary of your time there takes an awful lot of effort? Well we have a handy readymade diary to present at the end of your trip as your own work. Just fill out the blanks or chose the preferred answers and you’re there! Good luck! D ay 1

Oh my god, so excited, just arrived in [destination] after 2 whole days of flying!!! I was met by my mentor – [vaguely foreign name] is so nice! [He/she] helped me pick my keys up from the international office and then took me to my [apartment/residence/hovel] where I’m going to be living for the next semester! I’ve met a few people already and they were SO nice. But they were all Australian [NB: no choice here]. Hopefully I’ll meet some [nationality of destination country] soon and be having the best time ever. I already am. Lots of love to you diary – [your name] Day 14

Sorry diary I haven’t updated you in a while, but I’ve been so busy with my [fabulous/amazing/fabumazing] life that I simply haven’t had the time! So far we have had a week of [orientation/drinking] followed by a week of [classes/drinking]. I’m making new friends every day, although all of them seem to be Australians [NB: no choice again]. Also I haven’t seen my mentor again, something about not wanting to be seen with me. Hope [he/she ] stays in touch! I’m looking forward to learning more in my classes. This semester I’m studying [three easiest, most irrelevant subjects available– e.g. Animal Law, Law of Outer Space, The Law of Shoes]. Can’t wait! Day 33

Diary, I’m so bad, I haven’t been to uni in [two weeks/three weeks/forever]. I just woke up from a [2/10] day drinking bender and found that I had [vomited on/set on fire/eaten] my textbooks. This week I’m definitely going to go to class and actually see more of [destination]. I can’t believe I actually haven’t done anything yet except get paro in disgusting student-run bars. D ay 62

Bit [drunk/druuuuuuuuuuuuuunk], diary…stupid bitch [person from Adelaide] thinks [he’s/she’s] havin more fun in Adelaide than me here. Well I’ll show them, I’ll show them all when I [rest obscured by [blood/vomit/mushed-‐up cupcake]]

THE HILARIAN 01/2011 - 34 -

D ay 100

Started [eating/drinking] in bed now, that way I can watch [YouTube/Megavideo] on my laptop and then pass out right then and there. It really saves time diary. Haven’t met any [nationality of destination county] yet but I’m sure I will soon!

D ay 152

Today I watched [thirteen/thirty] episodes of the Real Housewives of [New Jersey/Atlanta/Canberra] followed by a [two/ten] hour marathon of [Friends/Will and Grace/Glee]. I then drank a bottle of [coke/cream/soy sauce] and passed out. On Skype I told my friends my life was [bliss/amazing/blissazing]. This was while eating [nutella/ice cream] with a [used toothbrush/KFC chicken drumstick]. I don’t feel good. My voice sounds fat now. D ay 189

I’m home. I learnt [nothing/nothing] about [law/life]. Everything in Adelaide is [the same/exactly the same]. And I had the BEST TIME EVER in [destination]!!!!!! Love you diary!!!!!! Hugs and kisses

Feel free to photoshop yourself into this fun exchange photo!

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GAMES PAGE

WORD SEARCH #74 Can you find all the law-related words below? Remember, words can go in any direction, even in and out of the page in mind-blowing 3D! • Alcohol • Lexis • Arrogance Nexis • Asbestos • Legislation • Caffeine • Ligertwood • Clerkship • LSS • Cupcakes • Lying • Funship • Obiter • Google • Plagiarism • Harassment • Sleepy • Hilarian • Umbrellas • Zany • Law • Zumba Everyone Else Law Students

CROSSWORD #3 Test your brain jam with this challenging yet heartwarming game!

Down

1. The word ‘Law’

Across

2. See (1) 3. 4.

MAZE #90.4 Find your way through the Image and Copy Centre to the counter to pay for your overpriced reading materials which you won’t touch all semester! ICC

GAMES PAGE

MAGIC EYE #00001 Below is an actual PowerPoint slide from Dispute Resolution & Ethics, a final year law subject. Can you match the symbol to its meaning to decipher the zany law principle represented? One is already done for you!

Army of scarfed penguins

Rule of law

Cricket bat

Prospective clients

Slice of birthday cake

The High Court

Pot plant

Unethical practices

Bat

Work-life balance

Flamingo

Damages

Eiffel Tower with cat head

Future accomplishments

Cigarette

Long-winded judgments

Sun

Alternative Dispute Resolution

Ken’s Konversation Korner In this quasi-‐regular feature, Ken Menz interviews local Ligertwood celebrities with this edition’s subject being the Law School Lounge’s very own Microwave, whose tongue is as biting as its 350MW reheating power!

Microwave, you’ve been in the Ligertwood a long time now and seen many people come and go. What are some of the highlights from your time here? I’ve been working here over 35 years now since replacing the open flame that used to be used for re-‐heating food and boy have I seen a lot of things pass through this foyer. From Ngaire Naffine indulging in her secret passion for eating nasturtium flowers to Bernadette Richards holding late night giraffe fights. Sometimes things just get out-‐of-‐control! You wouldn’t believe the mess those giraffes make. That’s a lie, isn’t it? Well, yes of course it is. When you sit here having nothing else to do but open and close your door while flicking on and off your light, you’re going to end up making up a few little white lies to entertain yourself. What can I say, I’m a product of the Law School! Hahahahahahaha. Indeed. I notice currently that you smell like a combination of over-‐cooked Mi Goreng noodles and sour milk. And not just cows’ milk either. You would not believe some of the things people put inside of me. Once, someone had hollowed out their Corporations Legislation to make a bowl and reheated three week old chicken dumplings in it. The legislation subsequently caught on fire and Ligertwood was evacuated, yet nobody bothered to find out how I felt. You must get tired of simply being used to reheat leftovers. Don’t you crave some variety in your life? Do I ever! It seems like people don’t realize that I can be used for some much more than reheating. I mean, I can defrost things according to their weight, I can cook, and…heat things up…for the first time…which is very different to reheating. So yes, lots of different talents that just aren’t being utilised.

If you could meet any celebrity, who would it be? Well, I don’t need to meet any celebrity because I am already one – I am just like Carrie from Sex and the City. I’ve got the shoes, the clothes, the drinks and three fabulous girlfriends who I can share all of life’s ups and downs with. All the while being simply fabulous! You are aware that you are a microwave and have no need for clothes, shoes or friends for that matter? But does that mean that I can’t dream of being something more than a humble reheater of people’s leftover Chinese food? One day I’m going to break out of this plastic-‐molded box that society has placed on me and head straight for the stars. And when I do, you better watch out, ‘cause I’m gonna make it world! Speaking of your ‘fabulous girlfriends’ or more importantly lack of them, do you ever get lonely here in the foyer? I’d be fine being lonely, but the issue is that I have to share my little domain with a show-‐boating hussy who thinks she rules this place. The LSS president? No stupid, the drinking fountain! Ever since she had the surgery and had a PuraTap installed in her, she thinks she’s the bee’s knees of Ligertwood. But frankly, she is nothing more than a common hussy. Begging for boys and girls to come and wrap their lips around her stainless silver nozzle. Well the jokes on them, because that drinking fountain is highly contaminated with E. Coli. Hahahahaha! Well on that note, thanks for talking to us and we’ll aim to never talk to you again! I’ll go back to taking up room in the foyer now. I am so alone.

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A GROUP

WIN!

GETAWAY TO THE

Sunny Sarawak Sunny Sarawak Room Room

Simply accept large donations generated from illegal logging, and this romantic twelve-week group getaway could be yours! Terms & Conditions Apply, please contact the University of Adelaide for clarification.

You can trust in Taib Mahmud Airlines.

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LAWYERS LAWYERS

“Daddy got me my job here”

Where hard work and persistence doesn’t pay off. High distinctions? GPA of 7? Volunteer work? Extracurricular activities? Previous clerkships? None of these will help you get a job at WTF unless your Daddy happens to be a partner here.

WTF

www.wtf.com.au Adelaide � Brisbane � Melbourne � Perth � Sydney