LOCAL LAW STUDENT CONFUSES NEPOTISM AND NECROPHILIA

Words by Sofia Arlotta

Fifth year law student Jimmy is apprehensive about his impending graduation and finding a job, since the only way seems to be through nepotism. He, like many others, always thought of law school as a “fucking cult”, but for different reasons to most of his peers. Jimmy doesn’t understand how people continue getting jobs with their dads. He concludes his family must just be a bit different and not really into that stuff. Jimmy has decided to extend his degree a year.

Jimmy asked fellow fifth year Lachlan how he got that judge’s associateship and was more than disappointed to hear the response.

“The way everyone does it mate - nepotism!”

“I know it’s common but I just don’t think I could get a job that way,” said Jimmy.

“I just don’t know why it’s such a big thing in the law profession, especially since it’s such a male dominated industry. The fact that I’d probably have to do ‘it’ with a dude is way too much for me. That’s one of the reasons I support women in the law.”

A letter from a dedicated reader on the recent crisis.

Dear Mr. Xi Jingping,

Seriously?! Like what the fuck? You and your communist ‘comrades’ have gone too far this time. Creating a global pandemic and dismantling the global economy just so you can swoop in and establish communism - not cool.

It’s obvious and I don’t get why more people aren’t talking about it. COVID19 and communism both start with the letter ‘C’ and Lenin was the leader of the Soviet Union from 1917-1924 (this includes the year 1919 and 19 is the number stated next to COVID). Facts.

I bet you think this is funny sending us all into a recession. There’s just one tiny - and by that I mean BIG - flaw in your plan Mr Jinping: the market actually regulates itself like it did in 2007-2009. The jokes on you because the market had a go, so the market will get a go.

Even if this wasn’t the case your plan backfired anyway. People are buying like loads of stuff and stores have never been busier. Also an article came up on my Twitter saying that Coles is hiring 5000 new casual workers so unemployment rates are going to be way down and people will be able to continue to stimulate the economy without any government intervention. Result.

If I have one thing to say it’s, good try PRC, but we’re not about to have this economic system we’ve spent hundreds of years constructing brought down by a single microscopic cell.

Regards,

Ima Cuck