Father's Day

father’s day The Malta Independent on Sunday 12 June 2016

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JUNE 2016

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father’s day

1910-2016: 106 YEARS LATER, IT’S STILL A DAY FOR DADS

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bout four and a half years ago we filled iFather's Day was started more than a century ago because its founder Sonora Smart Dodd was upset by widespread mocking of fathers in popular culture as lazy, sleazy and drunk.

This month marks the 106th anniversary of Father's Day, and while today's fathers have come a long way, some would say they could once again use an image boost.

While it is easy to take shots at dads who mess up, it's important to focus on the important role of men, said Michael Gurian, an author who specialises in the struggles of men in the modern world.

"Making fun of guys to get them to perform and prove themselves, that's always going to exist," Gurian said. "But we have to equally celebrate them and empower them."

For Sonora Dodd, the last straw was a church sermon in 1908, when her priest rambled on about the newly created Mother's Day and the importance of mothers.

"I liked everything you said about motherhood," Sonora Dodd recalled telling the priest in a 1972 interview.

"However, don't you think fathers deserve a place in the sun too?"

WITHOUT FATHERS, NO CIVILIZATION Her father, William Smart, survived the US Civil War and then moved west to seek his fortune. His wife died in the winter of 1898.

But Mr Smart, with the help of Sonora, the eldest of six children and the only girl, held the family together. Sonora became convinced of the importance of fathers, at a time when they were not considered that relevant to the family.

While William Smart's sacrifice might

dren are from fatherless homes. Also, 71 per cent of high school dropouts and 63 per cent of young people who commit suicide are from fatherless homes.

"Without fathers you would have no civilization," Gurian said.

He acknowledged that men tend to take more risks, fool around more and suffer more crippling addictions than women. They also seem slower to mature these days, often living at home into their 20s.

"Father's Day is hopefully a time when the culture says 'this is our moment to look at who our men and boys are," he said. "If we don't protect fathering, we are going to really be messed up."

‘SHE KNEW HOW TO GET THINGS DONE’

Sonora Smart Dodd, founder of Father's Day, in a 1940s photo in Spokane, Wash. This Father’s Day marks the 106th anniversary of the holiday she started have been somewhat unique in its time, in the US these days 15 percent of single parents are men, according to the US Census Bureau. In addition, there were 158,000 stay-at-home dads in the US in 2009 who raised the kids while their wives worked, the US Census Bureau said.

And 71 percent of six-year-olds in the US ate breakfast and dinner with their fathers every day in 2006, the agency said. Fathers are also good about reading to their children, praising them at least three times a day and taking them on outings, various reports compiled by the Census Bureau said.

At the other extreme, Gurian said 90 percent of homeless and runaway chil-

Sonora Dodd certainly did her part.

She pushed for the first Father's Day celebration, which was held in June 1910, in Spokane. Fathers in church were given red roses, and people whose fathers were deceased wore white roses.

Some also credit the invention of the holiday to Grace Golden Clayton of Fairmount, West Virginia, who is said to have suggested to the pastor of her church in 1908 that he hold a service in honour of fathers.

But it was Dodd who campaigned nationally for the holiday.

Mother's Day was quickly accepted as a national holiday, with Congress in 1914 designating the second Sunday in May. Father's Day had a much longer road, perhaps reflecting the societal split involving mothers and fathers. It was not until 1966 that President Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honouring fathers and set the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. In 1972, President Nixon signed the law that made it permanent, to the delight of necktie and golf club makers everywhere.

A 2010 poster announcing the centennial celebration of Father's Day created by Spokane tourism officials portrays Sonora Smart Dodd, founder of Father's Day, and a drawing of her father, William Smart Sonora Dodd died in 1978 at age 96 and is buried in Spokane, Washington.

"She was a businesswoman and knew how to get things done," said Barbara Hillerman, Sonora Dodd's only grandchild. She did not know her grandmother well, in part because her family moved back and forth across the country as her father rose in the Forest Service.

"My relationship to her was as grandchild and grandmother," Hillerman said in a telephone interview from Vienna.

"One of my failures is we didn't talk about Father's Day." But "I sent my grandmother a Father's Day card every year," Hillerman said.

Obamas headed to Carlsbad, Yosemite for Father’s Day weekend

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resident Barack Obama is taking the first family on a mini-vacation to Carlsbad Caverns National Park in New Mexico and Yosemite National Park in California during Father's Day weekend.

The White House notes the trip is taking place as the National Park Service nears its 100th birthday. The administration is using the trip to highlight Obama's efforts to preserve land through the creation of new national monuments.

The White House is announcing the trip with a Facebook video of the president visiting Yellowstone and other national parks earlier in his presidency.

This year Barack Obama marks another milestone, as a father: his daughter Malia is graduating from high school.

The 17-year-old received her diploma from the private Sidwell Friends School on Friday.

Malia Obama was just 10 years old and longing for a promised puppy when her family moved into the White House. During seven years of growing up in the public eye, she has gotten and shed braces, learned to

drive and even spent brief stints away from her family.

Presidents are parents, too, and it hasn't been easy for Obama to watch as his daughter — "one of my best friends" — has grown up fast, and in front of the world.

"I'm not going to talk about the fact that my daughter leaving me is just breaking my heart," he said last week.

Months ago, the president blamed his emotions for declining an invitation to deliver the commencement address at the elite school where Malia is among 127 members of the Class of 2016. Younger sister Sasha, who turned 15 on Friday,

attends Sidwell, too.

Both parents often praise Malia and her sister for being normal, happy kids despite living lives that are anything but normal.

Start with calling the White House home. They were the youngest kids to do so since President John F. Kennedy's children, Caroline and John Jr., and they were trailed in public

by Secret Service agents. Obama has joked that it was comforting to know that when his girls were out and about they were being watched over by "men with guns."

Malia has travelled to Europe, Africa, Asia, South America and

the Caribbean with her parents, and taken a school trip to Mexico. She's met celebrities and high-powered people, including two popes.

Three months into her new White House life, Malia got the long-awaited puppy: Bo, a Portuguese water dog that was less likely than other breeds to aggravate her allergies. Obama had promised his kids a dog after the November 2008 election.

The young girl whose swing set still sits just outside the Oval Office is now taller than her 6foot-1 dad, and turns heads whenever she's spotted around town — including driving her car.

At school, Malia played soccer and tennis, the flute and piano.

In a house with 132 rooms, she opted not to share one with her sister. Both girls get themselves up early every day to get ready for school, the first lady has said. They also make their own beds and handle their laundry.

Braces appeared when Malia was 12. Secret Service agents taught her how to drive.

Malia turns 18 on July 4, in time to cast her first vote for president — and for her father's successor.

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The Island’s Edge Lido, the Paradise Bay Resort Hotel’s stunning private sandy beach overlooking Comino, will be set-up for the occasion of this month’s Weddings Showcase.

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The Weddings Showcase is being held on Saturday 25 June between 5pm and 9pm.

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father’s day

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JUNE 2016

A father’s role The father: traditional master of the house, breadwinner, judge, guardian and life-long friend – today’s dad has a lot to live up to.

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n years gone by a father’s position was sacrosanct. His wife loved, honoured and obeyed him, and so did the children, whether they actually liked him or not. They were, very often, strict disciplinarians. This was expected, to preserve their respect and perceived pecking order in the home.

Over indulgent fathers, who spoiled their children hopelessly, were much loved. But it is the heavy handed fathers whose characters made such an impression on history, literature and the lives of so many famous people, who survived their up-bringing under such authority.

Today’s fathers can take advantage of their less dictatorial and defined role and the opportunities offered since the late 20th century of playing a far greater part in their children’s everyday lives than in any other generation.

Mothers multi-task almost by instinct but the ‘hunter gatherer’, now possibly balancing his chairmanships with child care and sales and commerce with shopping and cooking may think of his grandfathers’ happy life of work and leisure with more than a little envy.

No young voices interrupting intelligent adult conversations, no health and safety, age appropriate conditions to the sports and activities he wants to encourage his children to enjoy.

Just their company, polite and well washed, whenever they met, to make flatter him and make him proud.

But, that was then; and it must have been very sad for children to have so narrow an acquaintance with their fathers. Today’s fathers and children, whether they always fully appreciate it, have a chance to build long and happy relationships of a closeness that can only come from being so deeply involved with all the aspects of the children’s lives.

Most fathers embrace this easily. They are no longer banned from the delivery ward as their children arrive. And indeed, having been heavily involved in their mother’s preparations for their arrival, as well all the domestic arrangements and nursery building, they can bond with their new little son or daughter from minute one. And no father would dream of staying asleep and not helping out with night feeds and emerging teeth when their child is already such a precious, familiar little person.

Working mothers now give fathers and children more time together. And with so many complexes, cafes and bars offering child-friendly facilities there is always a fun place to go and exciting things to do together. At last, fathers and children share more confidences and are more open with each other. There is less, “do as I say” and more consultation before plans and decisions are made, so children can appreciate what their father stands for in their lives and value the extraordinary care and love

they receive. Fathers and sons have a special tie and fathers and daughters a love like no other.

This is what we celebrate on Father’s Day and, even when we take it for granted, every day of the year. Treasure it.

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JUNE 2016

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father’s day

Australian PM’s ‘My Dad’ video recalls broken home and father’s sacrifices Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is trying to fight a perception that his wealth puts him out of touch with ordinary people by releasing a campaign video in which he describes being raised by his father after his mother left when he was 9.

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he 80-second video, entitled ‘My Dad’, came out late last Sunday, less than a month before 2 July general elections.

"He didn't have much money, but he worked hard and sacrificed so that I could go to school and achieve what he couldn't," Turnbull wrote about his father in a statement accompanying the video link.

On the campaign trail, Turnbull has boasted how his experience as a successful merchant banker qualifies him to steer the Australian economy. But opposition leader Bill Shorten, a former labour union boss, argues that Turnbull is focused on cutting taxes for the wealthy instead of helping the poor.

Asked at a press conference on Monday whether the video

was meant to "counter misconceptions," Turnbull's eyes moistened as he replied.

"It's important to honour your father," he said. "I would not be the man I am today without him."

His father, Bruce Turnbull, worked as a hotel broker to earn money to send his son to one of Sydney's most exclusive boarding schools.

Despite being a single parent without much money, Mr Turnbull said his father believed in hard work and sacrifice and struggled to send his young son to Sydney Grammar School to give him the best start in life.

"Big brother, little brother really was the type of relationship - we were incredibly close," Mr Turnbull says in the ad."I didn't feel I missed out on anything

Malcolm Turnbull, aged 9, with his father Bruce, who most likely worried about how to pay his bills

because I had lots of love.

"We didn't have much money, he was a hotel broker and for most of that time he was battling like a lot of people are, a lot of single parents are, certainly.

"And he did well after a while; in the latter part of his life he ¬kicked a few goals after a lot of ¬effort.

"He was incredibly loyal, very, very strong, very disciplined.

"I was the main object of everything he wanted to achieve. He was very focused on doing what was right for me."

Mr Turnbull says his father never spoke poorly of his mother, Coral Lansbury, who suddenly left to move to New Zealand with her new partner John Salmon in 1966.

She was always spoken in "the most glowing terms" by Bruce Turnbull, despite abandoning the family.

"I didn't feel I missed out on anything because I had lots of love. A father who was very strong and very loyal and filled with love, who never left me in any doubt that he loved me more than anything, anything on Earth."

Bruce Turnbull was killed in a plane crash in the NSW Hunter Valley in 1982.

The ad includes images of Mr Turnbull campaigning for the 2 July election as well as childhood photos and archival footage from his earlier career,

Malcolm Turnbull today as Australia’s Prime Minister including during the Republic campaign in the 1990s.

“My father, who had every reason to feel very let down by my mother because of the circumstances, did everything he could to ensure that I never thought ill of my mother — and he absolutely succeeded.

“You know, I have letters of his that he wrote to her filled with reproach and bitterness: ‘How could you leave us? How could you leave your son?’

Then he would say to me in the next breath, as it were, ‘Your mother loves you, she hasn’t really left you.

“No, she’s just gone to New

Zealand to do some studies, she’s coming back, don’t worry, everything’s OK’.”

Standing on the property Bruce had bought in 1981, Mr Turnbull recalled his father’s death “basically a year after he bought it”.

“I buried him here,” the Australian Prime Minister said.

“Anything I could do to attach myself to a memory of him, I did — everything. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. It was so hard to deal with. So I kept everything of his, and it took me many years to get used to the fact that he was gone.”

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JUNE 2016

THAT SPECIAL PERSON CALLED DAD ■ Fr Mario Attard

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ather’s Day is a sweet reminiscence of how much our lives have been blessed by our fathers. Honouring fatherhood and paternal bonds is a justifiable tribute to the fathers’ contribution for the betterment of our society. As many might have already noticed, this important occasion is celebrated on the third Sunday of June and it essentially complements Mother’s Day festivity.

A saying by an unknown wit goes: “Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad”. To be father is a biological consequence of generating an offspring but to be a dad is a call to lovingly nurture a child. To put it in another way, what makes a father a dad is not merely his paternal natural instinct but his deep spiritual insight of being a father. It is obvious that nature greatly aids nurture in this regard. But, and this is one of the paramount problems of our age, how come that we have people feeling hurt by the manner they were brought up by their fathers? How many claim that their fathers abandoned them when they really craved for their paternal support? Or that they have actually been raised by dictators rather than by caring fathers? In a nutshell, Father’s Day is calling for an authentic spirituality of fatherhood to be urgently promoted both at the societal as well as ecclesial level!

Jesus’ relationship with his Father is the paradigmatic model of what a dad should be for his children. Jesus Christ, the Word Incarnate drew his strength to perform the mighty deeds he did from his child-like relationship with God the Father. He was

capable of listening to his Father’s will. On the other hand, the latter’s utter trust in his Son was never lacking.

We all know that only God is perfect.

However some practical suggestions may help a disheartened father to become a caring Dad for his children. In effect, I would like to present the following tangible proposals.

If you would like to be a Dad your children would very much like to love and admire try to enjoy your God-given vocation for fatherhood.

Demonstrate to your kids that you are the happiest man on earth by being their father! Another way of communicating to them this powerful liberating reality is by spending time with and be responsible for them. Hence, by playing, helping, listening and just be with your children you get to know them faster and deep and, on their turn, they will get to know you as well. You will surely be laying solid foundations for mutual trust and understanding between you, as their parent, and they, as your kids.

Since deeds are more valuable then sheer phony words it is wise that you be a man of principle before your own children.

Make your decisions in their presence and take time to explain to them what motivated you to arrive at that those conclusions. Be brave enough to talk to

them about the decisions you did in the past and why some of them did work out while others failed to do so. Examine your decisions by asking: “What would I want my child to do in this situation?” Heal your children by inculcating in them the never ending lesson that it is understandable that one errs in life. Both of you in fact do mistakes. What is crucial is that one learns and does his/her best to bypass them inasmuch as s/he can.

You are a father not a ruthless tyrant. So, show affection to your children. By being affectionate to your kids you not only disclose to them your hidden love but also instruct them to show genuine affection to other people. Respecting your children’s mother is fundamental. In effect, children will mirror their parent’s behaviour. The way you behave with your child’s mum will undoubtedly determine the manner in which the child will regard his/her own role when s/he will enter into your parental shoes. Be brave to stress your thoughts as parent since they are similarly important with those of your child’s mother. As a caring Dad try to make your parenting a partnership! In their eagerness to show their parental authority some fathers tend to exaggerate. Therefore, it is wise not to put excessive demands on your children but rather encourage them to

acknowledge their desires and evaluate their abilities together with their constraints.

It is highly motivating when you assist your children in drawing up attainable goals and offer them viable suggestions to achieve them.

Children need to work out hard for their life progress. So, never place unrealistic expectations on yourself to the point of taking the blame for certain weaknesses that may have impaired your children’s development. Finally, recognize that your fatherhood vocation is a lifelong unfinished journey. Whilst it is necessary to strengthen your kids’ character by letting them be financially and emotionally independent it is likewise significant to pass on to them the message that you are constantly caring for them and that they are loved and treasured unconditionally by you.

The father’s greatness is powerfully portrayed when he is on his knees in prayer! In this happy occasion I would like to offer the following Father’s Day Prayer as a Father’s Day gift to all the readers who happen to be fathers. “Lord, I need your special care. Like your earthly father, Joseph, I want to do God’s will, even if I may not always understand. Make me gentle and selfless in the care of my family and children; help me guide them in the toils and troubles, the happiness and wonders of this life. Like my Father in heaven, make me strong in love and forgiveness for those you entrust to my care. No one can do these things rightly, Lord, without your constant help and boundless mercy. Be with me always, and may I come to you in heaven, and all my family with me. Amen”.

It is my fervent prayer and hope that these reflections may help you, dear father, become that special person called Dad!

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JUNE 2016

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father’s day

‘I wish I went and he was spared’ – a father’s anguish over son’s death at sea ■ Sarah El Deeb

The enemy is behind you, and the sea is in front of you. Where is the escape?

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n 25 May the Jaqali family was crammed into the metal fishing boat, packed with more than 700 migrants on their way from Libya to Italy. Father, mother and daughter squeezed together at the front of the bow, while the two sons were split up on either side.

When help finally came, they all got off the boat except for the oldest son, Mohammed. He couldn’t move and waved to the others, motioning: I will follow you.

That was the last they saw of him. As people scrambled to get off, the boat lurched violently from side to side. Then it tipped over. The Jaqalis watched helplessly from afar as those left behind, like crawling ants, fell straight into the water.

The Jaqalis are among more than 20,000 people who have made the perilous sea journey from North Africa to Europe in overcrowded boats so far this year. Some 2,500 died or went missing at sea — up from 1,800 in the same period last year, according to the United Nations refugee agency. Estimates for those dead from the Jaqalis’ boat alone go up to 250.

Rashid Jaqali, a 45-year-old Kurd from northern Syria, had moved his family to Libya so that the Kurdish militia couldn’t recruit his sons. But Libya’s chaos quickly spread, and Islamic State militants inched closer to the family’s refuge in the city of Zawiya. With none of the children schooled and the father not getting paid for his work, life in Libya became even worse than in Syria.

The family decided to move to Germany, where they had relatives. Rashid Jaqali paid off his debts, tied up loose ends and forked out about $1,200 to a smuggler.

Mohammed, 17, prepared his own backpack; he liked to dress well. He took a selfie with his new haircut, and promised his sister a camera when they got to Germany. He had no friends in Libya to say goodbye to.

His mother, Fatma, stuffed another backpack, keeping her jewellery well protected.

“The enemy is behind you, and the sea is in front of you.

Where is the escape?” asked Rashid. “The sea is the escape.”

Just after midnight, hundreds of migrants gathered in a warehouse with metal gates, where their smugglers had brought them. The smugglers took the migrants to the beach and shoved 60 or 70 people at a time into a small inflatable boat meant for 20.

The inflatable ferried them to a larger fishing boat moored a few kilometres offshore. The Africans were housed in the bottom, near the engine, with no windows and access to above only through a well-guarded ladder. Other young men and women went in the upper and middle decks, and the few families on board sat in front.

Despite protests from the

passengers, the smugglers overloaded the boat. When one woman complained, a smuggler told her, May you all die.

The Jaqalis couldn’t sit together. Rashid could see Mohammed and 15-year-old Yehia and gestured occasionally, but no movement was allowed so as not to tip the boat.

By 10 a.m., after six hours, the engine finally stopped. When help from the Italians arrived, relief turned to mayhem. The rescuers threw life vests into the water, and the young men on board swarmed to the same spot

to grab them. The commotion started the boat rocking.

“We would say, calm down, kids. You will all get one,” Rashid Jaqali said. “No one waited....Instead of rescue, there was death with those vests.”

The rescuers first saved the women, the children and the families. Yehia slid along the metal bars in the middle of the boat to reach his parents, terrified. Rashid squeezed him between two women and pushed them upfront for the rescuers.

When Rashid looked over, there were 20 people ahead of

Rashid Jaqali hugs his daughter Suzanne, left, and his son, Yehia, after an interview in the Sicilian town of Siculiana. (AP Photo/Daniel Ochoa de Olza)

Rashid Jaqali, second from left, hugs his daughter Suzanne, left, his wife Fatima, second from right, and his son, Yehia, as they mourn their family member Mohammed who died in the May 25 shipwreck in Siculiana, Italy. The Jaqali family was crammed into the metal fishing boat, packed with more than 700 migrants on their way from Libya to Italy. Father, mother and daughter squeezed together at the front of the bow, while the two sons were split up on either side. When help finally came, they all got off the boat except for the oldest son, Mohammed. He couldn’t move and waved to the others, motioning: I will follow you. The Jaqalis are among more than 20,000 people who have made the perilous sea journey from North Africa to Europe in overcrowded boats so far this year. (AP Photo/Pasquale Claudio Montana Lampo, File)

Mohammed.

Now migrants were climbing up from the engine level, making the boat sway even more. Rashid recited the Fatiha, the Quranic verse Muslims say when in trouble, as he got into the inflatable.

When Fatma stepped off, she spotted Mohammed, still sitting down close to the metal bars.

“He waved at me and said go, and they will come and get me.

He said that with his hands,” she said in tears. “He wanted to save me. But my heart was burning, not saved.”

The boat was rocking wildly.

When Rashid took one more look back, it had tilted over.

Five days later, Fatma was still waiting to hear word about Mohammed. Holding out pictures of her son, Fatma said: “I dreamt of him. He was smiling at me. Only his leg was injured. I saw him three times.

He was alive.”

On the sixth day, the news finally reached the Jaqalis: Mohammed was dead. Suzanne put flowers in the window sill to mark the loss of her brother.

Fatma said her son hit his head and died on the spot.

“Didn’t I tell you I dreamt of him wounded? He was smiling at me from afar,” she said, sitting on her bed with glazed eyes.

A day later, Fatma was hospitalized. She passed out and had the shivers.

A week and a half since, the Jaqalis have yet to bury their son. Their plans are all but shattered. Fatma mutters that Mohammed didn’t want to go to Germany, as if he knew he would not make it.

“I wish I went and he was spared,” Rashid said.

Rashid Jaqali disembarks from the Italian Navy ship Bettica, in the Sicilian harbour town of Porto Empedocle after being rescued. Rashid Jaqali, a 45year-old Kurd from northern Syria, had moved his family to Libya so that the Kurdish militia couldn’t recruit his sons. “We would say, calm down, kids. You will all get one,” Rashid Jaqali said. “No one waited....Instead of rescue, there was death with those vests.”

Fatma Jaqali her son Suranne, left, and her daughter Yehia, right, disembark from the Italian Navy ship Bettica, in the Sicilian harbour town of Porto Empedocle after being rescued. (AP Photo/Pasquale Claudio Montana Lampo)

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JUNE 2016

ROCKING FATHERHOOD:

A dude’s how-to guide on staying cool

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efore parenthood, Chris Kornelis rocked it as a music writer for Seattle Weekly. Two kids later, he's still making a living as a writer, a freelancer, and recently added a new book to his resume, a how-to guide for dads-to-be who want to stay cool.

And he rocks that, too. Who else gets Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan to write his foreword, in which he recalls of his own road trip to fatherhood: "I remember reading 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. I also remember being, quite frankly, freaked-the-(bleep) out."

Well said, Duff.

This book, ‘Rocking Fatherhood’, takes a cheeky week-by-week approach that might just soothe some new daddy nerves and help out in the empathy, sympathy, gotta-buy-some-gear departments.

With kids who are now five and 14 months, Kornelis, 34, takes on everything from ear infections to egg poaching, breast-feeding to bonding.

There's swaddling, playlists and quirky interviews, like his chat with the paediatrician of his childhood.

There's also the angst he endured after being laid off from Seattle Weekly while shouldering the responsibility of breadwinner for a growing family. Was it time to abandon big dreams in favour of fatherhood? Forget taking career risks to earn a bigger paycheque?

Ultimately, he decided his "big project" post unemployment wasn't a big project at all. It was a lifestyle choice: to continue freelancing and writing books so he could be around for the family.

A conversation with Chris Kornelis: AP: What kind of cool are you writing about, the cool of being a music journalist or the cool that helps you avoid being stabbed in the neck by your pregnant and emotional wife?

Kornelis: The cool as in not losing your cool and remaining calm and really taking the opportunity to enjoy the special time that is having a new baby.

It's a really exciting time. It's not the time to get unnecessarily stressed and anxious.

AP: Where do dads go wrong generally during pregnancy?

Kornelis: For me, I was able to kind of subconsciously, in a way, forget that my wife was pregnant and not always be as

He didn't have as many of the opportunities that I did in the sense that there wasn't as much of a flexible work environment. I have had more flexibility so I've played a slightly different role.

It's not a function of my dad not getting it, because he really did. It was the reality of the time.

AP: Why is the diaper bag so important to dudes? What is your dream bag?

Kornelis: It IS important. You're going to be using it all day, every day. Get a bag that's not like a fanny pack. Buy something you can see yourself carrying. There's no reason to put on the sweats and use a gross nylon bag. Get the good one. I say go for it. We're still members of the human race. If you can treat yourself, treat yourself. Get a leather backpack if that's what you like. I like the Filson bags.

It's the whole having a baby changes everything — and it sucks — undertone.

You don't have to give up.

AP: What are some of your cautionary tales?

Kornelis: The sleep deprivation is real.

The sympathy pregnancy weight is real.

I just gave away a pair of $200 jeans because I've been very sympathetic for the last couple of years.

Another thing is the over-worrying about breast-feeding. I wish we would have spent less time the first time around worrying about whether our son was fed off the breast or with a bottle. He's going to turn out just fine either way.

AP: Your elephant in the room during pregnancy is "What to Expect When You're Expecting." What's your take on that pregnancy bible?

Kornelis: We had it in the house. You take it for what it's worth. It has good information but it places as much emphasis on all of these things that could go wrong that probably aren't going to go wrong. ... I mean, people generally don't need to be worried about shark attacks but that book is like a shark attack for every week. attentive as I should have.

My wife has a different definition of cleanliness than I do, for example. If it weren't for her I would literally be living in my own filth. There were times during her pregnancy when I would actually get frustrated. Like why are you cleaning the shower, why aren't you sitting down and putting your feet up?

That was bad on me. I should have

Former Guns N’ Roses bassist Duff McKagan observes in the book’s foreword: “I remember reading ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. I also remember being, quite frankly, freaked-the-(bleep) out.”

said ... I know she has a hard time relaxing when things aren't picked up and I need to step forward and do a little bit more.

AP: Do you think younger dads get it more than, say, the "Leave it to Beaver" dad?

Kornelis: My dad was a fantastic father. My dad was a very active dad.

AP: So what's on your list of things many parents think they need to know during pregnancy, but don't really need to worry about?

Kornelis: We should be focusing on what we know is going to happen, focusing on the family and not things that have very slim chances of ever happening. We should be focusing on what we know is going to happen, focusing on the family.

Chris Kornelis (with kids Thomas and Lucy) has written a new guide for dads that covers everything from diaper bags to playing hooky with your kids

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JUNE 2016

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father’s day

Two Father’s Day recipes for the meat-loving dad Associated Press culinary gurus Sara Moulton and Elizabeth Karmel serve up two easy and delicious recipes for the meat-loving dad

DIY LAMB CHOPS WITH HEAVY-HITTING SPICE RUB

A LIGHTER TAKE ON CLASSIC STEAKHOUSE FARE

■ Elizabeth Karmel

■ Sara Moulton

The hardest thing about grilling lamb chops is buying them. Because once you get them home, the rest is easy. My favorite style of chops resembles lamb lollipops — a long, slender bone with a fat nugget of sweet and tender meat at the end. And they are just begging to be grilled.

Most meat counters stock lamb loin chops, which are tasty, but the bone to meat ratio is too high for my liking. Instead, I purchase racks of lamb, preferably from New Zealand or Australia, and cut my own chops from the racks. Each rack will have 7 to 8 bones, and most racks are packaged “Frenched.” It’s a fancy term that means that the rib bones are cleaned and exposed. If your rack is not Frenched, most butchers will do it for you.

Next is to decide how to flavour the chops. The natural smokiness of the grill and the richness of the lamb is such a good pairing that often I season the chops simply with olive oil, salt and pepper. But if you really want to treat your friends and family, try a sweet-and-spicy barbecue rub.

I am talking about the kind of rub that generally is used for chicken wings or pork ribs. The unexpected combination of sweet and hot spices rich with a touch of cumin and garlic — as well as three kinds of sugar — is perfect for lamb chops. It’s also great for Father’s Day. It’s a quick lamb rib fix everyone will love.

Just note that I go heavy on the rub in this recipe. This isn’t a time to season lightly. Dads like flavours big and bold, and this rub delivers. But don’t fear the rub. The sugars mellow out the heat and make a natural glaze for the lamb when you grill them quickly on both sides.

Sweet-and-spicy grilled lamb chops

My family has been weaning itself off red meat for years. We still love it, but the portions and frequency are less than they used to be. Still, when I started planning a Father’s Day menu for my husband and my dad, I thought it might be nice to bow to tradition by turning to the Batman and Robin of manly fare — steak and potatoes.

Happily, there are many ways these days to have your steak and eat it, too. For this menu, I was able to lower the fat and calorie count not only of the steak and potatoes, but of the equally sinful sauce — bearnaise. And, as ever, the flavour stays large.

START TO FINISH: 20 MINUTES; SERVES 4

Heat the oven to 175 C. In a large non-stick frying pan over medium-high, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil. Add the grated potatoes, pressing them down with a spatula, then reduce the heat to medium and cook until golden brown on the bottom, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove the frying pan from the heat. Set a large dinner plate over the frying pan, then invert to transfer the potatoes, browned side up, onto the plate.

Return the frying pan to the heat and add another 1/2 tablespoon of oil. Slide the potatoes back into the frying pan, browned side up. Cook until golden brown on the second side, about another 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper, then transfer to a sheet pan and place in the oven to keep warm.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan over medium-high, combine the shallot, vinegar, white wine, tarragon, a hefty pinch of salt and a few grinds of pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to simmer. Cook gently until reduced to about 1 tablespoon. Add the cream cheese, 1 tablespoon at a time, whisking each until incorporated. Whisk in 2 tablespoons water, then set aside.

Wipe out the frying pan, add 1 tablespoon of the remaining oil and heat it over medium-high. Pat the steak dry, sprinkle it on both sides with salt and pepper, then add it to the frying pan. Cook the steak to desired doneness, 4 to 5 minutes per side for medium rare, then transfer it to a platter, cover it loosely with foil and let it rest for 5 minutes.

While the steak is resting, add a tablespoon of the oil to the frying pan and reduce the heat to medium. Add the spinach in 4 batches, adding more as each batch cooks down slightly. Add the remaining 1/2 tablespoon of oil after the first 2 batches of spinach. Cook until the spinach is just wilted, then add the garlic and salt and pepper to taste. Cook for another minute, then keep warm on low heat.

Remove the potato pancake from the oven and cut it into 6 wedges. Slice the steak thinly at an angle against the grain. Add the juices from the resting steak to the sauce along with the fresh tarragon, and additional water, if necessary, to reach the desired consistency. Warm the sauce over medium heat just until hot.

Transfer a potato wedge, a mound of spinach and some of the steak to each of 6 serving plates. Drizzle the sauce over each portion of steak and serve immediately.

Ingredients: • 2 racks of lamb, Frenched (bone ends trimmed of meat), each rack about 700 grams • Olive oil • ¼ cup light brown sugar • ¼ cup dark brown sugar • ¼ cup granulated white sugar • 2 tablespoons kosher salt • 1 tablespoon chilli powder • 1 teaspoon cumin • 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper • 1 teaspoon garlic powder • 1 teaspoon dry mustard

DIRECTIONS Heat the grill to medium. Be certain the grill grates are very clean.

Use paper towels to pat dry the racks of lamb. One at a time, place each rack on a cutting board and cut through at every bone to create chops, using the bones as a guide. From each rack, you will get 7 to 8 thin chops with 1 bone each.

Brush each chop all over with olive oil.

To make the rub, in a small bowl mix together all 3 sugars, the salt, chilli powder, the cumin, cayenne, garlic powder and mustard. Place the rub on a dinner plate and drag each chop through it to coat on all sides. Pat the rub into the meat so that it sticks.

When the grill is ready, arrange the chops on the grates and cook, with the grill covered, for 2 to 3 minutes per side for medium rare. Cook longer if you prefer your meat more done.

Remove the chops from the grill and place on a clean platter. Let the chops rest for 5 minutes before serving. Serve with lots of paper towels and let people eat with their hands.

START TO FINISH: 1 HOUR; SERVINGS 6 Ingredients: • 4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided • 2 medium potatoes, peeled and coarsely grated, preferably using the grating disk of a food processor • Kosher salt and ground black pepper • 1 medium shallot, minced • 1 tablespoon white wine vinegar • 2 tablespoons dry white wine • 2 teaspoons dried tarragon • 170 grams reduced fat cream cheese • 700 grams flank steak, trimmed of any visible fat • 700grams baby spinach leaves • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 2 teaspoons chopped fresh tarragon

PREPARATION