Queen's Joy
ONE WOMAN’S QUEST TOWARDS PROFOUND INNER PEACE
from the spiritual abilities I was experiencing within. Around the age of ve or six, I can recall several occasions when spirit was present in my bedroom. I often ‘saw’ Jesus standing beside me. It was very comforting (though I still slept with a night light), to know I was not alone (though I felt that way on so many levels). This is where my love of journaling & doodling had begun… in a small diary, with a lock, that I poured my heart and soul into. I do not know what ever happened to that diary, but it would not surprise me if my stepmother burned it. She was extremely jealous of my mother, and always placed me on restrictions for writing letters in my journal to my mom. My writings included all the craziness from her brainwashing, such as, “your mother put poison in those cookies” or “you have no other mothers except for me.” Lies and manipulation from someone who had never dealt with her childhood traumas. She was continuing the cycle of abuse, and so began the many years of my inner turmoil of not feeling worthy of unconditional love, which ultimately exploded years later when I found myself on the heels of another unhealthy relationship. “This is it.” Those three words crossed my mind when he threatened my life one final time. Not on my watch said my inner goddess. Abuse stops here. I moved out and promised myself a journey of self-discovery, overowing in nurture while I taught myself a healthier version of self-love.
The journey through self-discovery is a path worth exploring. Those were words I fought against for years. I must admit, it was a bit scary for me.
I was re-awakening my truths. I was owning my worth. This spiritual journey was transforming my inner peace on so many levels. I was experiencing life in the present (instead of traumabased reactions).
On a deeper soul level, I desired to be more connected with inner peace, yet I held myself back from experiencing it, simply because the inner chaos, being stirred up by external situations, felt safer.
It was also during this time that I discovered some crystals in my late paternal grandmother’s jewelry box.
Early on in life, I had learned ‘coping skills’ as a result of formative years’ abuse by family members, the most impactful one being my stepmother. Needless to say, those experiences at such an early age, made me shy away
During childhood, I knew I was dierent and so was Gram, but I did not know enough about ‘spiritual gifts’ to question her at a time when
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