2012-01 v13-n09

Vol.13 #9 THE

RIDER’S

Jan. MAG ‘12

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

What’s Shakin

FREE

Readers Writes

It’s Friday the 13th Again

Fenwick Lions Biketoberfest Critter Country Christmas Party

Joke Page Feature Bike

We Support Our Troops The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 2

WELCOME TO

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RIDER’S MAG

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900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218

Since 1988

Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Riders Mag. First off, Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. There are a lot more indoor shows this year starting off in January and going almost every weekend to March. We will see you at them, look for the Mag, drop by and say hi. Thank you for helping support the advertisers that support us.

TABLEOFCONTENTS Fighting for your Rights 4 (Scarry Larry is back) On the Road 6 (The publisher grinds his axe) Cruising with Critter 8 (Critter kicks off with his big 2011 show) What’s Shakin 11 (Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page 12 (Time to Bust a Gut) Sams Memorial Ride and Rodeo 18 (H.O.G. Niagara put together a tribute) 2nd Try Sportster 24 (Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church 26 (Pastor Dave back on the job) Ottawa Valley Motorcycle Show 27 (Beau Reports on a new Show in Ottawa) Biketoberfest 2011 39 (Jon hangs out with the Fenwick Lions) Kawartha Biker Church Show & Shine36 (Cookie rides down to Peterborogh) Noise 42 (Critter exposes corrupt bureaucracy) Danni’s Times 44 (A Ladies Perspective)

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CLOSING JANUARY 15, 2012 SEE YOU IN THE SPRING

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 3

Fighting For Your Rights With Scary Larry My eternal optimism has been restored! Events of the past year managed to erase all the sour memories of 2010 and replaced them with an enthusiastic glimpse into the future of the Ontario Confederation of Clubs. Our 2011 member roster has swelled due to the interest of new groups and individuals who are sympathetic to the pressures facing bikers today. The OCC Unity Ride proved to be a huge success with many, many member clubs participating in our demonstration of unity among the clans.

Attendance at our quarterly meetings is way up with many volunteers eager to assist with causes that further biker’s rights in Ontario.

While things appear to be rosy for the OCC, this is not a time for us to bask in the shade of our accomplishments – quite the reverse!

Following on the heels of the resounding message sent to the Ontario Liberal Party via the last election; it is now time for us to bring pressure on our elected officials to review and reassess their stand on biker-related issues in Ontario. There are many requiring action and attention – SingleRider Access to Ontario HOV lanes, a change to the current law regarding handlebar height, the usage of profiling as a means to detain and harass lawful motorcycle riders simply because of their demeanor, the current push by Ontario municipalities to enact noise restrictions on motorcycles, and the constant pressure by law enforcement to harass and harangue certain clubs simply because they maintain a clubhouse.

The OCC petition demanding Single Rider Access to Ontario HOV lanes was presented to the Minister of Transport for Ontario prior to the election, but it was dismissed. Now there is a new Minister of Transport, who we can only hope, has the smarts to realize that denying access is anal-thinking and not in keeping with twenty-first century solutions to gridlock and the safe movement of citizens. Recently, I spoke with Sue Whalen, a paralegal and a member of the OCC, concerning her legislative challenge in court regarding handlebar height violations. Sue readily admits that the introduction of her 500 page application (to have the court deem the law(s) of no force or effect) has never been examined by the court because, when faced with the preponderance of the document, the court merely dismisses the charge. Her mission is to keep pounding on the doors of

Inc.

Design Build THE RIDER’S MAG

justice until some court examines and accepts her application - resulting in a precedent that will ultimately cause a change to the law regarding handlebar height. Sue has one final piece of advice for anyone receiving a handlebar citation – do not plead guilty and fight it in court!! Sue can be contacted via legalbeaglerider@yahoo.ca . Biker profiling has successfully been defeated in some American states, but it has not been challenged in Ontario - but that will soon change, now that there are USA precedents in law. Noise By-laws are a seemingly innocent solution to noise-pollution, but they are ever-increasingly being utilized as a harassment tactic by the dogs of the establishment. This is yet another abuse of the current statutes that must be strenuously challenged in the courts. The raids on clubhouses in Ontario have consistently failed to prove the existence of major criminal acts being committed. On the contrary, outside of a few minor offences, the raids have served to illuminate and debunk the unfounded (media & police) propaganda heralding the preponderance of organized crime in the biker world.

All of which illustrates that now is not the time to relax our grip on the issues facing bikers in Ontario. The establishment has displayed contempt for our lifestyle by allowing law enforcement to distort the letter of the law in order to subject bikers to unsubstantiated profiling simply because of our attitude and demeanor. All of which is eagerly supported by a media thirsting for sensationalism in order to increase market share.

Bikers have long been vilified in movies, television and print but now, it appears that resentment and envy has replaced common sense while fiction has replaced fact in our society. All bikers need to realize that our rights are being undermined and that each of us must do their part to fend off the onslaught of unnecessary persecution simply because of our chosen lifestyle.

How can you play a part in the struggle? Join the OCC today www.occ4u.org and remember – you do not have to be a clubber to become a member of the Ontario Confederation of Clubs.

Larry Lilly OCC Treasurer

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On the Road

It is an amazing thing, we are starting a whole nuther year, happy happy, joy joy. It's been a lot of years and we kinda got used to the busy summers, the ignoring the kids, the not visiting the cottage, the riding to events all over hells half acre every weekend. What's new for 2012 is this sort of thing in the winter, it used to be that we had a few weekends off in the winter to goof off, hang with the kids, watch football, whatever.

This coming year is somewhat unique in that there are 3 Friday the 13ths that don't follow the all too familiar February, March, November. This theme has repeated itself many times over the years since Friday the 13th was founded by Road Runner and his buds back in 1981 which was one of those years, as was 1998 when we wereth preparing to kick off the mag which had a marketing kickoff of Friday the 13 November 1998.

I went through the perpetual calendar a while ago and this year's combination of January,April and July has never come up over the life of the event too date, and my memory is a little foggy but I do believe this is the only year with 3 Friday the 13th that is not the above mentioned sequence of 3 cold weather months.

Add to this freaky incident yet another new bike show and a major date shift for the traditional spring show from April to mid March pretty much stacking up an event of some form (of course including the Superbowl) every weekend from now until late April or early May, yikes. I like the summer for its warmth, I like the winter for its slower pace, not anymore I guess. th

So with two bike shows in January and a Friday the 13 (don’t forget I have one weekend every month that I spend producing a magazine) a bike show, swap meet and Superbowl in February, three bike shows in March, and a swap meet, Easter, and yet another Friday the 13th in April, maybe with our great stable of contributing writers I should look to the summer as my time to

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goof off but the problem is I like riding way too much to do that.

Interesting the way the year is shaping up, having complained about the fast approaching new year there is one item from this year that is quickly coming to a close that should be dealt with. There was some misinformation in a recent article concerning B.R.O. Niagara and the snow fencing on the property. They say it is there because the law requires that it be there, Bikers Rights Organization Niagara makes every effort to abide by the laws and ensure the safety and security of their guests.

There was an incident of a guest attending an event and lawyering up and pressing a lawsuit against B.R.O. There has been no resolution to the issue and it continues in the court system and for obvious reasons at this time Bikers Rights Organization Niagara cannot comment on this issue further.

You can be assured that B.R.O. Niagara is out there in the community fighting for their/your rights as motorcyclists in Ontario.

So to re-cap last year from an economic standpoint business was a crappy as it was for the previous couple of years so no good news to say the least from the economic front and if you look carefully through this mag you will note that some of our stalwart advertisers are conspicuously missing as well as they have succumb to the economic woes of Ontario or they are hanging on by a thread.

That bodes poorly for the mag going forward as we have been starved of revenue for about 4 years now and continuing on will require a significant upturn in ad revenues to help offset the ever increasing costs of paper, printing, delivery, postage, and insurance. We have cut about as much as we can from the expense side of the balance sheet, it's all up to the economy now. Who the hell voted McGuinty back in anyway?

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Well first off let me wish all of you a Very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year!

This past year has been quite a roller coaster ride for me and mine as I’ve faced many challenges and crisis throughout but things seem to have fallen into place now and it looks promising for the New Year.

I’ve even been to see a specialist and she offered some encouraging solutions for my issues with my knee and by spring I might even be able to walk normally again.

I would not have been able to do it without the tremendous support of family and friends and I include all of you readers in that group.

The kind words and the hospitality that you extend when I get out covering events are whole-heartedly appreciated and the tremendous turn-out and support for my Show and Shines was absolutely overwhelming.

You make doing what I do all worthwhile and an absolute pleasure.

This whole Riders Mag thing has been for me, a fantasy come to life and it still amazes me that I’m doing it and am treated so well by so many.

If someone had told me years ago that I would be doing this, I would have said that they had more than enough to drink or they had better stop doing whatever drug that was producing their hallucinations.

I’d often wondered if anyone read my stuff or if I was just wasting my time and paper with my drivel each month.

Then I get the reactions from you when I’m out and about and it is uplifting to say the

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least.

I feel honoured and privileged to be allowed the opportunity to do this job.

The Show and Shines that I did up at the 400 Market in Barrie were such a success that I will be doing more next year.

We are planning one early in the season (I will let you know when I set the date.) and one again at the end of August (tentatively August 26, 2012) and possibly a Swap-meet/ show and shine late September or early October.

I’m currently working out the nuts and bolts to make it bigger and better and a more permanent event.

This is definitely the spot to do it, as there is plenty of room for expansion and the Market management and their vendors are solidly behind it and want it to happen and the type of turnout that we got at past events tell me that I may be on the right track with this, for everybody involved.

It has been a learning experience to be sure and like my experience with the Mag, it wasn’t planned but just sort of evolved and things happened and I and those around me just hung on for the ride to see where it would go and how it would turn out.

It has been quite the ride (I think of my old friend Sunny and the things he taught me as things unfold and think that he would be smiling.)!

The Rider’s Nights/Jam Nights in support of The Alzheimer Society are still going on each and every Thursday night at Big Daddy’s in Newmarket and are still well attended and are a ball!

Our recent Christmas in Critter CON’T ON PAGE 10

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Country event was a total success and an absolute treat!

Laura Lee and The Tequila Rockingbirds do a tremendous job of running the Jam portion of the night and constantly amaze us with the quantity and quality of the talent out there.

We’ve had acts travel from all over to perform there, including an extremely talented young lady from Huntsville and they all seem to enjoy the venue and the reception they receive.

We will keep it going and build on it and come Spring when the new patio goes in and plans for additional parking happens, we will be there to greet the new riding season with a vengeance and provide a first class weekly event for riders.

I am also considering launching a new project this year.

I would like to build a Riders Mag Trike in which I could deliver the Mags each month.

I don’t want to convert Petoonia and don’t want a traditional “Harley” type of trike or something that looks like a “kit”, and I don’t want anything radical or stretched out. I have a definite idea as to what it will look like, getting there and getting it done will be the adventure!

I have sourced out the perfect rear end up at my buddy Josh’s shop in Keswick and am looking for a mid 80’s Decker (rubber mount) frame with a title that will serve as the basis for the project that started just as conversation over a beer or two with my pal Bronson and a few others and has evolved into more conversation over another beer or two and although I’m operating on a

THE RIDER’S MAG

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tight (very tight) budget and it could take a while it could be fun and give us something constructive to do while drinking beer.

We are planning to use a Shovelhead to power the beast and build something that looks unique and is fun to ride but functional at the same time.

If anyone out there has such a frame that will meet our budgetary constraints please let me know.

Once started, I will give updates on the progress each month in the Mag and on my website and any contributions and participation will be credited and acknowledged.

I have still been out and about trying to cover as many things as I can and I get invited to so many parties but time is always a factor and as much as I would love to attend them all, time and distance determines my limitations, so please understand if I don’t make it out to yours.

I also love my involvement in the OCC and feel that it is a much needed and valuable organization and would love to be more active but there too, you can only squeeze just so much into a day and I can’t even make it out to events that I pushed for and hoped would happen like the Unity Ride in Chatham this past summer.

I commend the membership with the leadership of Ray and Scary Larry for running it so well and making it a success while making a real statement.

Hopefully I can free up some more time and become more involved soon.

CON’T ON PAGE 16 It is something that all clubs should become involved in if they expect to survive the negative image

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CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

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JOKE PAGE replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.

While en route home he asks the cab driver if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cab driver agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cab driver tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, And there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cab driver and says, 'What would you do? The cab driver replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments. He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be". The priest

WHY TAKE YOUR LAST RIDE IN WHEN YOU CAN GO ON A

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 euros on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?' They draw straws Paul Gallagher picks the short one.. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost 500 Euros, and is afraid to come home' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife... 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp. 'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender. 'Micheal O'Connor and me had a A CADILLAC fight,' says Paddy. 'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in HARLEY ? his hand.' 'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.' 'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?' That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

'So,' says the cop to the driver, 'where have ya been?'

'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the Irishman.

'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.' 'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?' 'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs Paddy. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'

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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?' She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last

JOKE PAGE night.' The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?' She says, 'That he did, Father.' The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?' She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun....'

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.

converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

CONTINUED ON PAGE 22 A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

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A Catholic woman went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant." He asked, "How did this happen, my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?". She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one........"

A newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds. " When the newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

"Why, that's amazing", the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The newfie nodded. "I'll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 'tird day.." "From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from the fuckin' skippin'.

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Ray is Gay. He goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, ' Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.' Ray is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?'

'Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice'. Ray asks bewildered, ' Will that cure me, Doc?' Doc says, 'No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for'.

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A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

A Muslim dies and goes up to heaven. He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates

by St-Peter who says Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven.

What? Replies the Muslim, and Why Not? Well, we just don’t The Muslim complains and carries on until St-Peter gets fed up. Well, says St-Peter--have you ever done anything good in your life? Ummm--the Muslim replies. Yeah, the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten dollars. Last week I donated ten dollars to the Cancer Society and a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten dollars also. Alrighty then says St-Peter--let me go and have a quick word with God. Five minutes later St-Peter returns and says to the Muslim.Listen, I’ve spoken with God and he agrees with me--- Here’s your 30 bucks back, now fuck off!!!

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WHAT’S SHAKIN Friday 10am-10pm Saturday 10am-10pm Sunday 10am6pm for more info please call 1- 888-661-7469 JAN 21st Hip's Cycle at 900 Colborne Street East in Brantford is having their 12th Annual Open House 10am-4pm

JAN 28th World of Motorcycle Charity Ball not a black tie event contests prizes food and more 9pm-1am at the Careport Centre 270 Longwood Drive in Hamilton for more info please call (519)878-9829

JAN 27th-29th World of Motorcycle Expo at the Careport Centre in Hamilton admission is $15 for more info please call (519)319-5339

FEB 10th-12th World of Motorcycle Expo the Western Fair Agriplex in London admission is $15 for more info please call (519)319-5339 FEB 26th Big Al's Annual Swap Meet at the Dundas Community Center 10 Market St. South Dundas 10am3pm for more info please call(905)746-7077

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MAR 10th-11th World of Motorcycle Expo at Bingemans in Kitchener admission is $15 for more info please call (519)319-5339 MAR 17th-18th International Spring Motorcycle Supershow International Centre Toronto Sat 10am-9pm Sun 10am-5pm MAR 31st-APR 1st 31st Annual National Motorcycle and Tattoo Show at the Better Living Centre Exhibition Place Toronto for more info please call (705)778-2275 APR 21st Hamilton Biker's Church Swap Meet and Information Day 2799 Barton Street East (between Lake Ave and greys Rd.) 10am-3pm admission $5 all proceeds Send a Kid to Camp fund for more info please call pastor Ken (905)5478580 APR 28th Welland County Motorcycle Club is having their Annual Poki-BarbiDan

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) portrayed by the police and the main stream media and the pressures that these groups put on our community.

Like I said I have been out there in and around the area that I like to refer to as Critter Country and while there are no geographical boundaries that you can see on a map that defines the expanse it gets determined by how far I can travel and the time that I have to go there.

I have been neglecting portions of my website (Crittercountry.ca and Critter’s Roadhouse and the other sites that make up the main site lately and intend to rectify all with updates and new content very shortly so please be patient.

I got out to the Brothers of the Blade official Off-road party and was treated to their usual great hospitality, cold beer and some amazing food that included Wendy’s Wild and Wicked Chili and other goodies too numerous to mention!

I was also invited out to The Aces and Eights house to help celebrate their 3rd Anniversary along with a huge crew of well-wishers from Clubs and friends from across the Province.

They have been busy out here and made huge improvements since my last visit and transformed what was already a great CH into an even better CH. It is always a fun time here and they attract a great bunch of people.

Congratulations guys!

For those of you who think that this job is a cakewalk I’ll relate a story to you of the perils and trials and tribulations involved in doing the job of a Roving Reporter (Rotund or otherwise). It isn’t easy at times!

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 16

The Paradice Riders had invited me out for their Annual Christmas Party (An event that has become near and dear to my heart.) and I almost didn’t make it.

I had someone lined up who was going to be the DD so I had spent the afternoon in cheerful ignorance and abandon and indulged in more beverages than would be tolerated by the Cops that are out in force and ever vigilant, especially at this time of year and while driving down there wouldn’t be a problem but, (if I was to partake of another celebratory drink) getting back would be an issue.

I got the apologetic call telling me that he would not be able to go late that afternoon, but unfazed and undaunted, immediately swung to plan “B” which I was soon to find out also had become a “No go!” I explored other avenues in hopes of putting a plan “C” into effect but it was looking bleak as options that were available might involve me not getting home until daybreak the next day and with having a full day already planned out and plotted, was not viable.

In stepped Moaner, BOTB Prospect to the rescue and I now had a ride there and back and great company to boot.

The only thing better than that was the evening with the PDR and friends to enjoy the hospitality of a great crew of people.

I was blown away by the huge array of food that they had spread out for their guests. These guys know how to entertain.

Thanks to all!

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) ABATE – Final Frontier – 2011 The Sun was shining bright and glorious in a clear blue sky.

It would be a perfect day for a ride anywhere.

But I was not going just anywhere.

I was heading to The Final Frontier and it would be a perfect day for them as well.

To say that I love this place and these people would be a tremendous understatement.

I really look forward to it and am honoured to have it assigned to me each year and honoured to be welcomed into their midst and be treated so well.

It is a wonderful piece of property that the folks of ABATE and their many supporters have come to cherish and the event itself has grown and has become a mainstay on many rider`s calendars.

I had company on this trip as my buddy ``G`` and his wife`` Krazy Bitch`` Karen decided that they would accompany me today.

I had introduced them to this place and this event a couple of years back and

they caught the bug.

The only cure or rather remedy (Because once bitten you are infected for life.) for the bug is to come back each year for another dose. Kind of like the old hair of the dog that bit you treatment.

We rolled in and were treated to the usual warm greeting at the checkpoint inside the gate.

I left a bunch of Mags with them and took the first of what would be hundreds of pictures throughout the day before riding the rest of the way into the main event area.

We parked and I was immediately guided to the beer garden where I was presented with a nice cold 50.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 20 Talk about class!

This set the tone for the day and the tone hear has always been great to say the least.

This is another place that is not content to stagnate.

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 17

Sam’s Memorial Ride and Rodeo Rosaire Tisdelle On Saturday, August 6, we paid tribute to a good friend and HOG member, Sam Bielich, who passed away last fall. Simo wanted to do something special to celebrate Sam’s birthday, so we worked together to plan a ride and rodeo that turned out great despite the threatening skies, intense heat and humidity.

Simo and Lenny, our fearless leader, led a scenic ride out of the Montrose, down country roads passed Clare’s to River Road and to our first stop, the Grand Central on Queen St. in Niagara Falls. We left there and rode pass the Falls, entertaining the tourists. They were taking pictures, filming us and waving to the Rolling Thunder Tourist attraction.

Our next stop was the Riverside, of course. Many thanks to Georgina for providing trays of hamburgers and hot dogs free for the taking.

Our final stop was Simo’s for the bike games. The lines were still there from last year’s rally games and some of the equipment was in the garage so we were ready to rock and roll. Many thanks to my helpers, Bear, Fergie and Ken, for helping set up, tear down and judge the games. Thanks to Rick, his date Miss F, Lenny & April, and other HOG members for getting out there and participating to get others involved.

Thanks to Bill for providing the prizes for the rodeo and John and Donna Clare for coming out and donating a gift to the prize table.

The winners of the games were:

On-bike: Slow Poke – Todd D. Off-bike: H.D. Tire Roll – Rick I. On-bike: Construction Run – Todd & Penny Off-bike: Timmy Toss – Mike & Angie On-bike: Ball Drop – Frank & Julie Off-bike: Hoop Toss – Katriona “Schimo” Draw winners were: 1. “Why Not” gift Certificate: Robin Gelka 2. Car washes (6): George Kipp 3. H.D. Bar Set from Clare’s: Jim Penteluke (Eagle’s Nest) 4. 50/50 draw of $130 & 2 Tickets to Pink Floyd tribute band: John Butts Congratulations to all the winners and a special thanks to Simo and Val for putting on a great day with food and fun. Thanks to B.R.O. and the independent riders who came out to make it a meaningful event.

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter)

Every year I notice many improvements and innovations in an ongoing effort to make next year`s event better than this years and this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s better than the year before.

It is their little piece of heaven and a vast improvement over the initial year when heavy rain had turned their field of dreams to a sea of mud.

But rather than sit and cry about how bad things were, they partied on then went about the task of fixing what was wrong and building it into the great property it is today.

I split up from my travelling companions and we wandered off in different directions.

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Page 20

There are so many people here and so many to talk to and getting anywhere take me forever.

I did make it back in time for the events though, and found myself a vantage point from where to take pictures.

The games here are extremely popular and they have no problem getting line ups of participants.

Their games are very inventive to say the least and some I`d never seen at any other event.

They have the traditional ones like; The Slow Race, wienie bite, balloon toss and so on but they always throw in some new game, twist or variation just to keep people on their toes.

Then there is The Mud wrestling pit.

A couple of girls went at it first and were soon joined by a couple more and soon a couple of guys decided to challenge the bevy of already mud-coated ladies and soon discovered that these girls were no push-overs.

It is all just good clean or not so clean fun.

The winner gets a cash prize (A collection is gathered from the spectators) and everybody has a good laugh.

It was quite the time and time flies when you`re having fun.

I had another event that I wanted to cover on the way back today and had to be up early to cover yet another the next day so I wandered off to gather up ``G`` and the Krazy Bitch.

This was not to be an easy task as this is a huge property and there are campsite spread out in every nook and cranny of it and while in search of them I run into lots of folks who I want to talk to and they in turn want to talk to me and it doesn`t exactly translate into me making my exit any time soon.

I chose to walk (Hobble) rather than ride `Petoonia as I didn`t want G or Karen to think that I had left without them if they should come back before I was able to track them down.

I was picked up a golf cart already packed with a large contingent of very attractive, very exuberant and extremely accommodating ladies who took sympathy on me, made room for me and assisted me in my quest for my missing companions and had a great time along the way.

Now having found my friends it was time to say a few goodbyes and make our way out of this magnificent property and work our way towards home. Leaving this wonderful crew of

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) people to party the night away and enjoy the bounty of this place.

They had some excellent bands booked and some great entertainment in store and I`m sure that all who remained would have an absolute ball.

It is hard to leave when you know that the party has only just begun but I had other places to go and other wonderful people to see and that is the life I now lead.

We headed towards home on this glorious late afternoon travelling through some of the prettiest countryside in the province until it was time to split off G and The Krazy Bitch headed home to attend to family stuff and me off to another event.

Yet another wonderful day in Critter Country!

Thanks guys and gals!

See you next year at the Final Frontier!

AOA 34th National Party The welcoming committee was on the job, as expected and had the road blocked in both direction just down the road from the clubhouse and I went through the ritual before being allowed to proceed to the party.

They were all cordial enough but it just seems like such a waste of time (Theirs and ours, but mostly our because they are being well paid!) and taxpayers’ dollars to have that kind of manpower and equipment set up to take pictures of guys that they already have hundreds if not thousands of pictures of already.

It is harassment, pure and simple but that is what they are able to convince

somebody is necessary.

I pulled in and received the usual warm greeting and managed to track down a cold 50 and made my way around.

The place was packed.

It was good to see that the club doing so well these days and holding a fine event such as the National Party on this beautiful piece of property that these guys managed to save from demolition and turn into a clubhouse to be proud of and can easily accommodate such a gathering.

They all knew I wasn`t going to be staying long as I was already running late and had just missed the games portion of the day`s schedule.

There are just so many events and parties and I can only get to so many.

That is one of the prices you have to pay to do this job.

On one hand you get to meet so many great people and get invited to some of the best parties but time and distance ultimately dictates what you can do in the course of any given day.

There was a huge array of food laid out by the catering company and the line-up was long.

This was the same caterer that they had used last year and he had done such a great job at such a great price that they brought him back for an CONTINUED ON PAGE32 encore.

He didn’t disappoint.

I wandered through and talked awhile to a lot of guys that I hadn`t seen for a while, and met many new ones, before settling in at a table with my brother CB and a band of brothers for a 50 and some chatter.

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 21

JOKE PAGE Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back. (ouch!)

a A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

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THE RIDERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MAG

On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"

Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads, and nonEnglish speaking people" isn't the right answer. They've sent my form back!

Page 22

Dr. Drobkin was a world-famous cardiologist who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan where he quickly rose to the top of his field. Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference coincidently held in his home town. He walked on stage, placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted. The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the lecture room and reverberated it down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again. Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Cohen and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Cohen?" Dr. Drobkin replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here, received my education here, but then moved away." "Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others.. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Drobkin replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my embarrassment." "Was it a long time ago?" "Yes, many years." The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Drobkin fart?"

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH: Please enjoy and understand the following DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES? I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS? IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP? IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION? IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM? WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

JOKE PAGE WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT? IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES? WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK? IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS? IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT? WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK ATM MACHINES? HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS? WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD? DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY? IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO? IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY? IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE? WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM? IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

cowboy moaned. 'Where ya from, Fred?' asked the Ranger. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,....the balcony...

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REDNECK ETIQUETTE GENERAL:1. Never take a beer to a job interview.2.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.2.

Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a CONTINUED ON PAGE 35 woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DATING (Outside

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD? A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.' The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: 'Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.' Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy what's your name?' 'Fred,' the

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THE RIDERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MAG

Page 23

2nd Try Sportster

This month's feature guy is Bill and he’s been known as a big fan of the mag for many years now. It's been nearly 3 years since we did this shoot with Bill and his fiancé Melissa, because we had a last minute cancellation forcing us to scramble for another shoot to maintain our workload while on our April 2009 road trip. I told Bill at the time that it would be a while before we finally got it in but here it is more than 2-1/2 years after the shoot.

Bill had ended an eighteen year marriage and felt that he was taken to the cleaners by his x-wife as they say and after a lifetime of wanting a HarleyDavidson Motorcycles he decided that he was going to act on that desire now that he was a free man again and went out in 2008 and bought himself this sweet looking 2002 XL883 Sportster with so little mileage on it that with less than 10 k’s on it, it may as well be a brand new bike.

Bill had been riding for his whole life and came from a Harley-Davidson family

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 24

saying that the first bike he ever rode on the back of was his father's 1942 WLC 45 which he says was a surplus Canadian military bike that his father picked up for $600 when he was still a teenager after the war. Bill's father

2nd Try Sportster forward us photographs after the event and of course we saw the two of them at a variety of events over the past couple of years.

Bill says that in his life before Melissa he owned 5 motorcycles over the years saying that he never could come up with the money to buy the Harley that he always wanted and with three kids in his first marriage there was constant demands for money in places other than going into motorcycles and judging by the way he spat when he referred to getting hosed in his divorce he had some assets before.

Melissa was a little upset about Bill’s purchase of the Sportster and not for the reasons that you would think, she says that it's not the bike that Bill had always wanted and the bike he had always told her he wanted to own someday. She says that he had always told her that he wanted an FXST which is one of the earliest of the softails that came out after A.M.F. went away and the management and founding families took control of the company and basically transformed it.

Melissa insists Bill only bought this bike cause it was what she had always wanted a shiny new Sportster with a lot of chrome and some

rode that bike for years but unfortunately the bike was stolen before Bill himself had a chance to take the bike for a ride himself when he came of age.

Bill’s Uncle a trucker also owned a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and Bill did have the good fortune of often riding his uncles Harley. He says his uncle is a long distance trucker who would go on the road for 4 or 5 month stretches so Bill grabbing a ride on his uncles Harley was pretty certain when he was in Kimbleville which is where his uncle is at.

Bill himself lives and works in St. Thomas which was the location of the original shoot that ended up being cancelled and Kimbleville is somewhere about half way between St. Thomas and Tilsonburg. This was to be the location for our feature shoot on this day but also to be the spot for Bill and Melissa's upcoming wedding several months later and the cool thing was that since they were both previously married they were having a “Rider’s Mag” Wedding on the property where we did the shoot.

Yes this did invite us to the wedding as well although our schedule was still a little nutty. We could not attend in person although they did

pink pinstripe just to personalize it. Bill on the other hand says that he would really like an Electra Glide and would like to hand this one off to Melissa once they had settled down after their marriage and got their finances in order.

Whatever is the true story I said to them at the time that if they stayed on course as they had planned that by the time this bike finally made it to the cover of the mag it might belong to Melissa and we might be coming back to do a lady shoot and be shooting Bills new ride at the same time, I don’t know if they ever got that other bike that they were talking about but last time I saw Bill at an event he said that Melissa had some health issues and had minor surgery and was recovering in the hospital.

Hopefully all went well for the two of them and of course if they did get around to getting that other bike you never know you might just see the two of them showing up in the mag again at some future date.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Biker Church 2nd Try Sportster Owner: Bill K. City: St. Thomas, ON General Year & Make: 2002 Model: XL883 Assembly by: H-D Value: Not For Sale Engine Year: 2002 Model: Evo Builder: H-D Displacement: 883cc Lower end: H-D Pistons: H-D Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: H-D Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: H-D Lifters: H-D Ignition: H-D Coils/Wires: H-D Carb: Mikuni Air Cleaner: H-D Pipes: Screamin Eagle Transmission Year: 2002 Type: 5 Speed Shifting: foot Clutch: h-d Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Black Painter: H-D Frame Builder: H-D Type: XLCH Rake: H-D

Stretch: None Swing Arm: XLCH Accessories Handlebars: Straight Risers: H-D Ignition Switch: H-D Controls: H-D Seat: H-D Tailight: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Gas Tank: H-D Front Pegs: H-D Rear Pegs: H-D Foot Controls: Forward Electrics: H-D Grips: Willie G. Mirrors: Arlen Ness Headlight: H-D Bezzeled Speedometer: H-D Primary Cover: Chrome Front End Type: XL Year: 2002 Builder: H-D Extension: None Wheels Front Size: 21” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brake: H-D Fender: H-D Rear Size: 16” Type: Disc Tire: Dunlop Brakes: H-D Fender: H-D Model: Melissa

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 26

Here we are year 2012, I hope all had a great Christmas got lots of Chrome and a good New Years.. I can remember my Dad telling me the New Year was the time when we forgave all those that offend us and start over with a clean slate. I know those are pretty big words because it is probably the hardest thing to do to many that have offended us over the year, I too. I have a brother that has not talked to me for years, the reason we are not sure but I forgave him several years ago for not inviting me to his wedding, or his daughter's wedding. My wife and I think it is bike related reason but unsure.

Some I have talked to; says it’s a personal choice but God’s Word says “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him so that your father in Heaven can forgive you of your sins. Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned , Forgive and you will be forgiven. God is saying in our own best interest it is good to forgive. Forgiving does not carry with it a single decision that we need to ponder. He is not saying you should forgive him. He is saying to forgive everyone, always and do it immediately.

Forgiving others usually start as a decision of surrender-an act of your will.

We need to simply make the choice to be open to forgiveness and reconciliation.

Dr Ned Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of Dare to Forgive says there are four basic steps to forgive others. “A lot of men do not even get that far,” Dr Hallowell says. Then ask: What do I want this pain to turn into. Next, you work through your pain. Lastly , you let go of your rage and resentment.

“In order to forgive we must renounce resentment or anger.”Dr Hallowell says in his Book. “We do not have to forget, ignore or condone anyone or anything. We just have to renounce our anger and resentment.”

The four steps: Acknowledge pain & Hurt, Relive & Reflect, Work it out, & Renounce your anger and resentment.

The Benefits of Forgiveness. Why Forgiveness? - It's Good For You! Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness isn’t always easy. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive. But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done.

Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Forgiveness can be difficult when the person who wronged us doesn’t seem to deserve our forgiveness -- it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven. Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. However, it’s important to let go and forgive.

Here are some reasons why: •Forgiveness is good for your heart -- literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.

•A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.

•A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship.

Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)

So, to sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.

I guess Dad had something but now I give it to you, Happy New Year! daveneals@bikerschurch.com

st

1 Annual Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show

by Beau st

As we headed up the Ottawa Valley to attend the 1 Annual Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show we took full advantage of enjoying the great weather, warm temperatures and scenic route. We left Ottawa about 6 am and all along the 417 the road was filled with groups of bike riders, all on their way up to the town of Petawawa Ont where the OVMTS was taking place. The town has a population of about 15,000 people, and is most widely known for being the home to Canadian Forces Base, Petawawa, where many of our brave military troops shipped out to Afghanistan to do their tours of duty. On this particular day Petawawa was about to become known for becoming host and the new home of the only motorcycle & tattoo show in all of eastern Ontario.

The OVMTS was taking place at the Petawawa Civic Center, a complex on the eastern edge of the town. We arrived fairly early and there was a lot of activity going on around the outside of the main building and up to the main entrance. People who had volunteered to help out at the show were everywhere, busily directing vendors and exhibitors to the various entrances to the interior area and at the same time dealing with riders who decided to arrive early so they could get first crack at items in the swap meet or to enter their bikes in the outdoor show & shine taking place later on in the day. I have to admit that this show had enlisted the assistance of some of the most attractive

looking young ladies who volunteered to help get everybody get settled and I am guessing it cuts down on the moaning and bitching that usually go along with people trying to get set up. As we started to get our display up and ready to roll, I figured I would sneak off take a quick once around the inside of the arena and see who else was there because it doesn't seem to matter how many shows you attend, each one has it's own personality and it's own excitement as you watch it all come together.

I found it interesting to watch the various tattoo shops and artists setting up and creating their little micro-studios, all of which was taking place at one end of the arena. Kerry Anderson , the show promoter had gone to great efforts to see that all the public health and safety issues and concerns had been met to the satisfaction of ThePublic Health Board and it’s officials .As I walked around I counted at least 14 artists & piercers, coming from places like Petawawa, Pembroke, Cornwall, North Bay, Ottawa and Gatineau.

They were hustling to get going as there were customers lined up waiting to get tattooed at the show. The layout of the show included a large stage to one side of the arena where several bands were going to entertain the visitors throughout the day and some of those bands were Centerline Social Role Play (a group featuring Kerry Anderson’s son, James), Daydreams for Dollars and last but by far from least, Sab, a performer who knows how to get a crowd hand clapping and foot stomping, playing the kind of tunes that work well at any bike show. The booth layout for the vendors were around the outer edge of the arena and the center of the floor towards one end was the area set aside for the indoor bike show. There was also going to be an outside bike show that would take place later on in the afternoon along with some other specialty events.At the opposite end of the arena where the bikes were situated and between the tattoo section was area designated for the show’s swap meet . I finally had a opportunity to hook up with Kerry, the person who is responsible for coming up with the

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by Beau idea of putting on not only a custom chopper show, but one that also included a full blown tattoo show at the same time . Kerry told me he was really pumped based on all the bikes that kept pulling onto the grounds and how busy they were already at the front door. It was around this time I figured I would head outside to see how things were shaping up here before someone found me and called me back to the booth and put finally put me to work.

The weather was incredible outside, it was about 9 o'clock in the morning and the temperature was already about 21 degrees and the sky didn't have one single cloud in it. Bike after bike just kept rolling in and riders were trying to find a good place to park. You couldn't help but feel that for a first time show this one was maybe going to go monster. Along the outside wall, food vendors were already set up and some were feeding early arrivals. A bit further away and strategically situated just near the main entrance was

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Stripper Choppers, who were setting up with all their clothing line and displays that also included their famous stripper pole..which throughout the day several young ladies were giving out some pointers to other women on how to use the pole and encouraging them to come up on the stage and give the pole a shot. This activity met with much enjoyment by any of the bikers that might be standing nearby or passing.

About the time I got back inside, everybody was just about set-up and ready to go for when those front doors would be opened to the public, so I decided to go through the show & shine area and take some pictures of the bikes that were entered which included some radical custom choppers , some very interesting bobbers and some really customized cruisers both American and metric. The great thing about this show was that Kerry chose not to rely on just the Ottawa area bike community for participation and to draw attendance from. He traveled as far away as places like Sudbury, North Bay, Toronto & surrounding areas to convince custom bike builders, tattooists and fans to come to this show and did most of this riding on his own custom chopper or should I say two because in all his riding around promoting the show, he blew one motor but was back up and busy within a couple of days.

Kerry himself has been a dedicated chopper guy for years and is well known in the Toronto area bike building community before he decided to move back up to the Pembroke area and based upon all the different points of origin on the display cards in front of the bikes entered in the show & shine, I would say he succeeded in pulling people in from both eastern and northern Ontario.

When the doors were finally opened to the public it looked like a tidal wave of people streaming in through the front door and in almost no time the arena was filled with people who were there either to enjoy the bikes, the tattoos or both.

One of the first familiar faces to come by and visit us at our booth was a very close friend, Debbie Davis. Who just until recently had been the chairperson for S.O.A.R. (Society of Ottawa Area Riders). S.O.A.R is an organization that devotes itself to issues of particular interest for motorcyclists and people in the biker community, things such as working toward getting free parking on the streets of Ottawa for all motorcycles and being allowed to park more than one bike per parking space. Another issue S.O.A.R is hoping to one day get for all motorcycles is the right to ride in the H.O.V lanes.

Debbie had made the ride up on her harley named “Bob” along with another good friend Dan Thomas and not too far behind them, were a number of riders from the CCBC (Capital City Bikers Church), another group that hosts some of the best events in the Ottawa area including their famous Swap Meet & Motorcycle Info Day they hold in the Spring and their M.A.D (motorcycle appreciation day) held in August.

Based upon first impressions from everyone on their first trip around the arena, all were very pleased with the show, the ride up and the attendance, good things to hear said about any show.

Down the way from where we were set up was a booth where an attractive young lady offering hi-tech whitening for your teeth, this was the first time I had ever seen anything like this at a motorcycle show and I was amazed at how many people showed an interest, just not sure if the interest was in obtaining whiter teeth or just chatting with booth’s staff. Another friend at the show, who was set up was Cathy

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1 Annual Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show

by Beau Graham, one of the two ladies who are known as Chainz Maidz Creationz and who between the both of them create some truly wild looking jewelry and some pretty sharp looking clothing accessories for women such as bikini tops and collars that are all made up of chain mail like the knights used to wear in battle. Their creations were of interest to a lot of people and at the end of the evening when the show was finally closed I did a bit of a photo shoot with one of the young ladies who volunteered, helping out at the show and she kindly wore one of Cathy's chain mail tops and both the lady and the top looked awesome.

Ottawa Valley Custom Paint's booth display was getting a lot of attention from the public, owner Chris Mouroukas had brought up only two bikes to show but they both had crowds milling around them all day and people were definitely showing real interest in the kind of custom paint work that Chris turns out. One of the bikes he brought was a beautiful green HD cruiser laid out with a sea of skulls floating all over bike including the fairing and going right back to the rear fender and I think the skulls were done by Mitch McCallum, a fellow painter with Chris, and a tattoo artist, well known in the Ottawa area. One of the most talked about bikes that Chris brought to the show, was a truly eye-catching little bobber . It seems that bobbers are getting a lot of interest these days and after watching all the people who stood around admiring the one OVCP built and listening to all the positive

comments , I suspect most of us will see many, many more bobbers out on the road come next year. They have always been popular but it seems that in the last year or so, every time one pulls in at a cruise night or charity ride, they are drawing more & more attention than even some of the custom choppers. Another bike and it's display that drew lots of attention and comments from the crowd was a bike called “Wet Dream” built by Dave Giles, a 2004 Road King Custom that along with all the chrome and lots of lights, and a tricked out paint job, was displayed very creatively by being surrounded by a fence of sheet metal about 8” high on the floor and then he placed dry ice around the bike to give the effect of it smoking. Everyone seemed to get a real kick out of the display and it’s name and later on in the show Dave easily won best motorcycle display for his efforts. Several of my good buddies had already been over raiding the swap area and they were continually going back to the MCB's booth to stash away their treasures until there was an opportunity to head out to the van and pack them away.

The swap area was very busy for most of the day and certainly it was a major hit with the show’s attendees and many of the bikers were commenting that when next year’s show came around, they knew exactly where to come to sell off all their old parts they and gear they had laying around and no longer needed. There is a large bike community up in the Ottawa Valley including towns like Pembroke, Renfrew, Petawawa and the OVMTS now provides them with an opportunity to enjoy things like a swap meet that otherwise they would have to travel a hundred miles or so to participate in.

There are a number of riding groups in the valley such as the Old Bastards and there are also several riding clubs associated with the military presence in the Ottawa area. I saw patches from groups like the Veterans, the 1st Cav and the Falcons. Most of these groups consist of individuals who are either presently in or have served in the military. Having an event like this taking place in their area was like winning the lottery, because it allowed all the various riding organizations to meet and greet the

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by Beau community at large and promote their own rides and charities that they are putting on throughout the riding season. I remember prior to the show, Kerry had told me he had estimated how many people he figured might attend his show and in conversations with him later on during the day, I was pleased to hear that by about 11 am he had already sold out all those tickets he had and twice more during the day had to send out to get more tickets to supply the number of visitors that were coming to participate in the show.

Now that is every show promoter's dream! To need more tickets!

The OVMTS had also seen to it that there were prizes awarded for just about every division and class of motorcycle including American, metric, British and sport.. and along with all the prizes for all the divisions that were held inside, they had the judges then go outside and award prizes for bikes they felt were worthy of mention One of the bikes included in that group belonged to my cousin J.c and don't think that we didn't hear about that for the next couple of weeks.

Outside, Stripper Choppers now had crowds of onlookers enjoying themselves watching various ladies taking tips on how to master the art and magic of the strippers pole. Enough said on that except to comment that they never had to worry about having enough spectators to cheer any of the ladies on and more than one rider could be heard urging his lady to go up and take a try on mastering the pole.

Another big hit outside was a vendor selling buffalo burgers, now buffalo burgers have been around for a long time at bike events but I am always amazed at how popular they are with bikers, no one ever seems to buy just one and several never seem enough.

One well appreciated feature of the show being held at Petawawa’s Civic Center was that the arena has an indoor food area that happens to be licensed by the LLBO and by midday when the temperature hit about 28 degrees, a cold beer seemed to be a mighty popular idea amongst both visitors and participants and the lounge became an oasis to many of the crowd.

The tattoo booths and their artists were very busy working away doing lots

of tattoos on the customers who were lucky enough to get booked in and it was a good thing that the show stayed open until 10 pm because there were so many people in the line-ups to hopefully get something done on them, time was precious. One of the studios at the show which also is the oldest tattoo studio in the Petawawa area , is the Wizards Den and they were set up just a few booths down from us and owner Ivan Henderson, has been a longtime friend. Ivan couldn't be there himself to tattoo but his daughter, Velvet Blue and some of the studio’s other artists were doing a great job of representing what their shop is famous for. Later on in the day when the awards were being handed out, Wizards Den won the best tattoo booth award and they definitely deserved it, both on the merit of their set up and the professional way in which it was displayed.

The crew over at the Motorcyco Beau's were members of The Celtic Brotherhood, a group of bikers who donate their time to charitable causes and are organizing a Brain-Injury Awareness Ride taking place next year! the Brothers were up on their feet most of the day and even Garth, the wonder-Doberman and Brotherhood Mascot was pretty tuckered out by the end of the show from all the attention and petting he got from everybody , especially the lovely ladies. Man! It's a Dog's world!..

Because MCB's produces many items that they make specifically for the military riders such as patches, hats and t- shirts and they also promote any events or rides (such as the Red Ride) which is just one event that shows the biker community's genuine support for all our troops. It was especially rewarding for everyone with MCB’s to receive compliments and thank’s for all the support Motorcyco Beau’s gives the troops and their families and many of the military riders expressed their gratitude to The Rider's Mag and all the Staff for their continuing show of support for the military.

The Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show has made the commitment and saw to it that 20% of their net proceeds from the show would be donated to woundedwarriors.ca , one of the many organizations that devote their energies to see that all the young men and women who served overseas

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by Beau and who were injured, lots more 50/50 tickets after that and was a real big hit with the crowd. receive whatever they need The bands supplied the music throughout the day and the truth is, I was to be able to hasten their unfamiliar with some of them and they blew me away with their sound. As I return to their regular lives. I mentioned, one of the bands “Social Role Play” featured Kerry's son, had the pleasure of meeting James, who is every bit of a showman just like his Dad. SAB who was first to one young soldier who is open up and really rocked the arena and every time they appeared during back home riding his sport the day they always had a crowd of people in front of the stage tapping feet bike and enjoying himself and even a few brave souls who dared to dance while the tunes played. only now he is doing it with As the evening approached and things began to slow down, Kerry had two high tech carbon fiber some more awards to hand out to winners, most of which were for tattooists feet that he received due to and vendors and Kerry made sure that he thanked all the people who injuries he sustained while attended the show and to all the volunteers who made the show run so serving in Afghanistan and smoothly, people such as Samantha, Julien Dayna & Tracy who circled the he was determined to let show all day from the inside to the out to act as goodwill ambassadors for nothing get in the way of him the show. He also thanked all the employees of the Petawawa Civic Center getting back to having a normal life including his riding his motorcycles who kept all the fans and lights working throughout the day and he made a again. Listening to him reminded me that you are never too old to get special point to thank the people of Petawawa for allowing him to put this inspiration and maybe learn just a bit of humility the next time you feel sorry show on but I'm guessing it went both ways because all the press thought for yourself. the show was a huge success and one more way to bring the town of Later in the afternoon Kerry went up on stage and started to announce Petawawa up on the map. Kerry told me that he had over 30 tattooists lined some of the winners in the various bike categories. Some of the more up for next years' show, which I might add will be for 3 days, July 27th – july notable were 29th and he has acquired the three fields outside the Civic Center and plans to have a custom car & truck show, along with performances by a stunt Best in Show – Jason Reid motorcycle team, from Montreal, performing outside.

People Choice – Cynthia Blais The Canadian Military will have a presence at next year's show with the American Touring – Chris Mouroukas ( Ottawa Valley Custom Military Extreme/Big Gun show taking place on the grounds.

Paint) On Sunday Kerry is going to give away as a door prize, a Harley Davidson American Cruiser – Kevin Casselman Motorcycle.

Best Shovelhead – Shaft Brelaw We had a great time at the Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show and Best Trike – Rejean Fortier much thanks to all the participants , the volunteers and the Petawawa Civic Best Chopper – Chris Mouroukas OVCP Center for making this event not only take place but to make all the Best Paint – Ottawa Valley Custom Paint motorcycle riders who came to the show feel so welcome. Special thanks to Best Ladies – Cynthia Blais Kerry Anderson, who had the determination to make this show happen, and to all the riders and tattoo enthusiasts for making the effort to attend and Best English – Jim Schroeder most of all Special thanks to all the men and women of the Canadian Armed Special Interest – Jason Reid Forces and their families, for their service to us all!

Director's Choice – Bruce Jones Brotherhood Beau .

Best Rat – Greg Linton Best Motorcycle Display – Dave Giles Outdoor Cruiser – J.c Thomas These were just some of the many winners of awards, because Kerry wanted to be sure that all areas of the motorcycle community were represented and he did a fantastic job of doing just that and it really was truly appreciated by everyone who kindly participated in the motorcycle show and the show & shine!.

Thorold, Ontario L0S 1A0 2065 Allanport Road While taking a break back at the booth I had the pleasure of running into a very close friend and a longtime Harley rider, Judy Whelan. This lady has traveled all over the country on her bike and she not only can keep up with the best of us, she has been doing it for years. Ladies like Judy remind me of the three B's associated with lady riders, beauty, brains and her own bike (I am guessing you thought I was going to say something else!) Women riders are one of the fastest growing groups in the motorcycle community these days and I am pleased to see the change and truth is I find seeing women riding their own Mechanical Shop Rate $60/hr, Body Shop Rate $55/hr bikes kind of pleasing to the eye.

Throughout the day there were a couple of ladies who Phone: (905) 227-8453 Fax: (905) 227-8555 strolled through the crowd selling 50/50 tickets and one of niagarachoppers@yahoo.ca them was just dynamite at her sales pitch, for an arms Open Monday - Friday 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. length of tickets she charged a few bucks, but after she had made a few trips to the bar, she started selling the strips by wrapping the tickets around her bust. She sold

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter)

Hamilton Biker's Church Swap Meet and Motorcycle Information Day Saturday, April 21, 2012 10:00 A.M-3:00 P.M. Location: The Victory International Church and Parking Area 2799 Barton Street East, east of Centennial Parkway and the Q.E.W. (between Lake Ave. and Gray's Rd).

Featuring parts, leathers, accessories, and a new calendar system of events for the 2012 season for bikers in the Hamilton/Niagara/local G.T.A. area.

Admission $5 Vendors Invited $20 per table All proceeds go to our SEND A KID TO CAMP fund.

To register as a vendor, call Pastor Ken at 905 547 8580 or email williamsmusic@execulink.com Website: www.hamiltonbikerschurch.com Check it out!

I made my rounds to say hello and goodbyes together as it was getting late now and I had a couple of more things to do on the way home and a couple of more before I could settle in for the night and then be up early in the morning for yet another adventure.

Congratulations guys on another year.

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The Deck August 2011 I wasn’t expecting too much from this day weather wise as every forecast I had been hearing and seeing since way last week right up until that very morning was calling for severe thunderstorms and crap weather for the entire day.

I was surprised to find it really quite nice out.

Alittle over-cast but warm and no rain.

So I left my wet weather gear stowed in my side bags and Petoonia and I headed out in search of fun, frolic and adventure.

Man did I just write that?

Sorry JR what I meant to say is off to work hard for the Mag. No Fun. No Frolic! Just hard work!

I had to take a run up to the 400 Market to do more preparation for my upcoming Show and Shine and thought now I’m really going to push my luck and have to ride even further through the rain.

Instead the clouds cleared away and the sun came out and we were left with a beautiful day.

I didn’t feel cheated in the slightest.

It was a great day for a ride anywhere but today I was heading to The Deck in the heart of Orangeville where Tim Callahan holds Court and runs a monthly Show and Shine that generally fills Mill Street to capacity.

I was a little late arriving but was more than a little surprised to find only one motorcycle parked on the Street. That belonged to Hank who was sitting alone outside of the bar on their patio.

I joined him and he informed me that the bar wasn’t even open yet and there was no sign of Tim or any of his staff other than Big Dave who it seems is always on the job as he works tirelessly and endlessly and is a blessing to Tim. Johnny Sombrero and his crew of Black Diamond Riders who have always been solid supporters of this event were conspicuous by their absence but I already knew that they had another event that they were attending.

We waited there and talked a while and Big Dave appeared with two pints of 50 and handed them to us courtesy of Tim who had now appeared and was large and in charge.

I guess the weather forecasts had scared a lot of people off because it was a long time before two other bikes showed up and we were four for the show.

That is how it remained and Tim was considering pulling the plug when a few more arrived, then a few more and then it was game on.

We could hear Tim yacking on the phone saying stuff, like, ”Honest it’s not raining here!

Not a cloud in sight! Then he sighed and said look “I’m going to hand the phone to Critter he works for the Riders Mag and he don’t lie about anything!” and handed me the phone and I reassured the sweet voiced young lady on the

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) other end that there was indeed no rain in Orangeville and that she should be able to make the trek from Georgetown on the bike that she had just spent three hundred hours detailing without incident at least at this end.

As it turned out the light turn-out was a blessing in disguise as most of Tim’s staff had called in sick and if he had the crowd that he usually has for these events he and his skeleton crew would have been over-whelmed and it would have been a total disaster.

Instead we were treated to a laid back day where we could all just enjoy the surprisingly great weather have a couple of beer and some good food and everything worked out fine.

The lady on the phone who turned out to be as pleasant and even prettier than she sounded, Wanda arrived on her still, pristine bike with a great paintjob along with her equally pleasant husband and were rewarded for their efforts with trophies in each of their classes.

All in all it was a great day and everything worked out for the best.

Those who came out enjoyed themselves.

Thanks for the hospitality Tim. th See you on Sept. 11 .

The winners were; People’s Choice - Maria Ferenia, Promoter’s Choice – Hank Stevens, Decker, Mark Wilkin, Custom – Wanda Ferguson, Sportster – Scott Fisher, Paint – Dave Nieuwland, Alternative – Hank Stephens, Foreign – Wanda Ferguson, Chrome – Jefferson, Antique – Gary Woodcroft.

Alliston Potato Fest I covered this event two years ago when it was held on one of the side Streets just off Main St. and while it was a decent effort it felt disenfranchised or like a last minute add on to the main event which is The Potato Festival.

There was no specific beer garden and no place to sit and socialize other than on the bikes or on the curb or any available perch.

Not a great experience in my mind.

This year that all changed!

They found a suitable home for the orphaned event at The Legion and it is a win, win situation for all parties and an excellent fit.

The parking lot was adequate for the bikes that they had come out.

It was by all accounts a decent turnout and can only be rated as a success in my books.

It wasn’t an out of the park home run but sometimes you bunt to get on base and then you take it from there.

If I don’t miss my guess, they are going to clear the bases next year and are on their way to a good run with this event.

The Legion wins with an obvious financial benefit both at the bar and at the barbecue where they served up some awesome food.

Perhaps I should mention that they serve 50 there as well.

When I first arrived attendance was a little sparse and there were some worried expressions on the faces of organizer like Dave Magee who was already worn out from just making it back into town from out in our western Provinces just in time to jump into this

event with both feet.

It has been an obsession of his to make this happen and to do it right.

He knew that a Motorcycle Show and Shine would work in conjunction with

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I went into the bar and was served a nice frosty 50 and settled in at a table out in the spacious beer garden and managed to get involved in a conversation or six.

The constant sound of motorcycles told me that riders were starting to arrive and I knew that it was time to spring into full roving reporter mode

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) so as not to get bad reports going back to Boss-man JR at The Mag that would result in yet another asskicking session as he thinks that all I do at these things is socialize, drink 50 and take pictures of pretty ladies.

I grabbed my trusty Nikon and strode (OK I limped and hobbled but I used to stride and just thought I’d like to see it in print!) on out into the parking lot that was now filling to capacity and the worried expressions had turned to smiles.

There were many familiar faces and lots of great looking bikes, the sun shone brightly and it was getting hot and it had all the makings of another wonderful day in Critter Country!

There were a couple more trips to the beer garden and I was compelled to partake of one of those fantastic burgers the lovely Legion ladies were serving. As if the aroma of them sizzling away on the grill didn’t have me salivating and watching everyone around me devouring theirs wasn’t enough to drive me nuts, the satisfied smiles on the faces along with the “HMMMMMs” and “Ahhhhs” and the patting of the stomachs reactions of those who ate them had me over the edge!

I rushed to the barbecue area and blurted out “OK Lovey Legion Ladies, I can’t hold out any longer. I need a burger!”

They just smiled and handed me my burger.

They knew that they had me from the 1st whiff of that amazing food.

But I didn’t come here to eat good food, drink 50 and hang out with friends in the beer garden.

I had a job to do.

There were motorcycles and pretty ladies that needed their pictures taken.

The afternoon flew by and it was soon time to do the awards portion of the day.

My pal Jerry was there with his great looking Panhead chopper and it came as no surprise when he won one of the great looking trophies.

It is great to have a great looking award winning chopper but it does present certain problems when you win stuff with no good way of transporting it.

This is where us old guys that have taken so much abuse over the years for riding what has been termed as; “Geezer Glides” and other similarly endearing names come in handy.

When Jerry (who rode in by himself this time and lives not far from Me.) won I took his picture and without having to actually be asked the question answered his quizzical look with “Yes there is room in Petoonia’s beer box for it.”

It was a fun event and a good event.

They have done a lot of work and put a lot of effort and thought into it.

They found the missing piece to the puzzle, a suitable venue.

They got good support from a lot of local riders, clubs and organizations.

Once the word spreads it has all the potential to become a hugely popular event and a mainstay with bikers who are well known to travel large distances to get to an event that they like and feel welcome.

You may want to think seriously about taking the whole parking lot next year.

I think you are going to need it.

Thanks goes out to organizer Dave Magee and his lovely Wife for your generosity and hospitality.

Jerry and I rode out smiling and headed back to Newmarket where Jerry proudly put his trophy on the wall and we talked about the event and the good time that we’d had.

The winners were; Bill Mackenzie – Import, Dave Carrick – Best Custom and Pest Paint, Jim Mead – Chrome, Paul Vigus – Domestic, Trev Trevorrow – Sportster, Jerry – Vintage, People’s Choice Dave Carrick

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Chrome Divas Ride Night – August 2011 The Chrome Divas have been holding a Ride Night just up the Road from me in beautiful downtown Mount Albert all season and due to my heavy schedule I had yet to make the trip up to see them.

I had a great night kicked back with Danni, Kevin and her crew enjoyed a couple of cool ones and some great food all in the name of Prostate cancer.

Their season is winding down for this year as there were conflicts with member’s vacations, events and such that would put the ride nights on hold for a while but they know how to do it right and I will check them out again once they are up and running. Watch the Riders Mag for details.

Heavy Duty Cycle Bike Night-August 2011 This is another event that I’ve been missing not for lack of interest but lack of hours in a day so this Tuesday I found myself with some time on my hands and it was such a great night for a ride that I announced to Godzilla that I was going.

I had been asked by other friends to ride with them elsewhere but I’d already made my decision.

HD cycle has always been a huge supporter of the Mag and deserved some attention editorially and besides that, I like those people down there and it was a nice night for a ride.

I was just getting ready to leave when the phone rang.

It was a good friend of mine, Dee, daughter of Panhead Perry another close friend who died a couple of years ago.

She was down at Davies H.D. in Richmond Hill and heard I was heading to The HD Cycle thing and wondered if she could tag along for the evening.

We set up a rendezvous point on the 404 and were on our way and met as planned and soon were headed down the dreaded 404 amidst it would seem every other vehicle in the city.

I have travelled these roads too many times to know that there is going to be a huge traffic jam from Steeles Ave. all the way south to the 401 and it was not the place you want to be on a motorcycle on a hot summer day in rush hour or any other time if it can be avoided.

My finely honed Roving Reporter skills once again came into play and we took the first available exit.

CON’T ON PAGE 36 I knew alternate routes and while still very busy but we were moving and we made it down to the shop in good time.

We don’t need no stinking GPS! They were set up and ready for a busy night.

The barbecue was fired up and smoking, serving up great food to the throngs of hungry folks who milled

JOKE PAGE woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DATING (Outside the Family):1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE ETIQUETTE:1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.2.

Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.4.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession "Never squat while wearing your spurs"....​..........​.......

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Enjoy the following: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5.Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think ofAlgebra.

Fifth You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's

Harley ! BSA ! Norton ! Triumph

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(613) 392-8433 www.makeitroar.com such a nice change from being young.

Eighth One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.“Turtle Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statemen t.. - Mark Twain T h e secret of a good sermon is to have a g o o d beginnin g and a g o o d ending; and to have the two as c l o s e together a s possible George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea.

V i s i t people only once CON’T ON PG

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) around the bikes and socialized.

Q107 had a disk jockey there playing some great tunes and providing a terrific atmosphere that had pedestrians bopping down the street to Classic Rock.

It was great to see Tattoo Tony again and have a chance just to shoot the shit awhile.

So we just hung out talking to friends that I haven’t seen for a while and enjoyed a great evening with good people with weather tailor made for just this kind of thing.

They did the draws and gave away some great door prizes and it was time for Dee and I to head out and head for home. So we said our goodbyes, fired up our bikes and wormed our way out of the busy streets of Scarborough and onto the hwy. and made our way north.

It had been a good night and was well worth the time, in fact it was time well spent.

Thanks, I’ll be back again some Tuesday night.

Smoke out –Sept. 2011 It was a fantastic day to be alive and out on the roads doing what I do.

It is especially great when you have such great destinations in mind with so many fantastic people at those destinations.

The sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky.

Petoonia was running like a dream and the miles just drifted away and before I knew it I was rolling down the long winding driveway that leads to The Western Town that Charley and Ernie Sundal (Who are collectively known as The Twins.) built themselves out of love of the lifestyle and that of a great party, that they affectionately call “Smokeout.”

They have been plagued at many of the past parties with bad weather which had an adverse effect on attendance.

This year there was yet another major hurdle that had to be over-come; the fire that consumed a major portion of the house a month or so ago.

I took note of the damage as I went past. It was amazing that no one was killed or injured.

But these guys are resilient, stubborn and determined and figured that over the years their party has survived other elements like wind, rain and other nasty stuff so they could deal with a little fire too.

It is after all, called the Smokeout!

And the usual’s who come here don’t let a little rain or other assorted things put them off a good party either and just carry on.

There is no cancelling “Smokeout” just wet or dry versions of the party.

This would be a dry version and it was in full swing when I rolled through the gate and found a place for Petoonia to wait.

As is usual for me I would regretfully not be staying for the whole party as I had another event to cover the next day and would just have to be content with doing the best I can with what time I have and make the most of it.

The games were just about to start so I grabbed my camera and headed off to try and pick up a beer before it got real busy and it had been a long ride in from Fenelon Falls.

The problem is that I have a hard time getting anywhere quickly (and not just because of my gimpy right knee.) but because I know so many people and they all want to say hi.

I’d get partway down the hill and run into some friends coming up the hill and stop and talk and end up somehow at the top of the hill again and this process would be repeated over and over until a Black Diamond Rider (I’m not sure which one, but bless his heart.) saw what was happening and brought me a nice cold beer which quenched my thirst thus enabling me to carry on my way and get to my job.

Charley and Ernie were running around attending to all the stuff that needs to be done at an event such as this.

They have a great crew of friends and family to help them out here but these boys are run off their feet.

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1-866-377-1440 bikerinjurygroup.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 36

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) They never know just how much supply to buy as they are so subject to weather problems and never know just how big or little the attendance will be and don’t want to buy too much but not buying enough translates into emergency runs into town to restock.

There would be several of those runs made before this day was out.

The attendance was fantastic now and still growing.

I got some pictures and I made my first attempt of getting back up the hill to where the games were about to begin but was drawn back down to talk and take more pictures before successfully getting to the top and negotiated my way to a spot from which to get some good shots of the games.

They have some good games here and used to have more but the area that is used for that purpose is the place where many chose to park their bikes and camp and once there it is impossible to clear them out to make a place to do a lot of the games that do require more space.

So they are content to just do the best they can and do what games they can.

They ran three events and everyone had a great time and then just settled in to party.

Johnny Sombrero and his Black Diamond Riders seem to be a mainstay at this party after coming here for one afternoon several years back and finding out what a great place it is to spend an afternoon then discovering that it is even better if you just stay here set up camp and party their asses off.

Some set up camp on the Friday and were still going strong.

This is a great party!

I now got to wander around and locate friends.

I spotted my friends Jaye and Dusty and dragged Jaye on over to “Petoonia” where I unloaded the blinged up “Suck, Bang, Blow” panties that Michelle had entrusted me to transport and deliver from The Full Throttle event and hand deliver to her and her only.

I was also to pass on a kiss and a hug and then firmly but not too firmly grab the right cheek of her pretty bottom and I reluctantly complied with my instructions and completed my assignment as charged.

Damn it is rough doing this job!

Now it was my turn to be surprised as they now dragged me back to their campsite where their happy group of campers had settled into a full party rhythm and were enjoying the day.

Jaye brought out a decorated gift bag and handed it to me.

“Happy Birthday!” they chanted as I struggled to get the ribbons and boys and other fancy stuff out of the way to see the contents.

It was a clock! More specifically it was a clock in the shape of a bottle cap, a Labatt’s 50 bottle cap! It was fantastic!

My collection on my studio wall is growing and rapidly and will soon require the installation of more shelves but I knew exactly where this would be going. Right beside my peanut tank that was painted

by James way back in the 60’s or 70’s with the Labatt’s 50 logo that will someday serve as my urn and hang in a place of honour that some already know about.

“Wow thanks!” was about all I could manage to say.

It was a great surprise.

The day flew by and the many trips up and down that hill had taken its toll on my knee and after trying some of their amazing

roast beef on a bun (that was only one of the choices from the excellent bill of fare) and enjoying some of the music from what was the first of three incredible bands that had been booked for the evening I started making my rounds to say goodbye to this fantastic group of people and working my way to where Petoonia faithfully waited to take me home.

So I wound my way out of the meandering driveway past the remains of the house and made my way home leaving this crew of folks to party long and hearty into the wee hours and beyond.

One of the times very soon I will hopefully (As I’ve promised.) come here park Petoonia and just stay put for the entire party.

But today, I must be content to have shared the experience with some truly wonderful people and set my course for home.

Thanks for the experience. See you next year.

Bruce “Mover” Cotey”, AOA1%er- Forever Chapter While news of Movers death did not come as a surprise, as he had been ill for some time and we all knew that death was imminent, it was still a shock and a source of sadness.

He was a solid member and well-liked and respected.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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JOKE PAGE

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38 a year. - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out A good ole Arkansas boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that.

There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it. His brother came over to visit several days later.. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is. She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.. The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a CONTINUED ON PAGE 43

The Rider’s Mag a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -Alex Levine

Phone: 519-846-0040 Fax: 519-846-0145

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P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Rick Davis, Jonathon Musson, Danni, Scarry Larry, Beau Rooney, Rosaire Tisdale.

Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 38

Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”

Fenwick Lions Biketoberfest 2011

by Jon

th

2011 Saturday September 17 Fenwick Lyons Biketoberfest. At 8am, I awoke to a grey, overcast sky (weather people promised nice bright sunshine). All the news channels were surprised how autumnal, and cold it was (they probably believe the reports their weather people predict). Out at the lake, in Selkirk, the only piece of leather I didn’t wear was the neck piece – it felt to be in the low 50’s. As you’re reading this, probably there’s snow on the ground, deep snow, and the temperature is in the minuses, but after a summer of hot temperatures, the low 50’s was regarded with some unpleasantness. Somewhere en-route, the bleak clouds gave way to sun, and warmth was trying to rise in to the mid 60’s. When I arrived at the park, jackets were still being worn, but a lot of people were visiting the vendors tent city without, dressed in jeans and in t-shirt. I didn’t make it out to the Ride of the Flags event, which (as always) left Fenwick “Clare’s Motorcycle” on Hwy 20 at 6pm the night before Friday. In previous years, it was a good turn out, and this year was no different ($440 worth of tickets were sold towards the raffle bike that night); in previous years, this ride ended at the Welland airport for a dazzling show of flashing lights and speeding cop bikes put on by the OPP Golden Helmets, or back in Fenwick park for an evening show of balance and precision riding dirt bikes over dew soaked slippery obstacles such as cars, and park benches. This year, the ride ended at the Welland County MC for motorcycle dirt bike racing tryouts.

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Food tickets were a buck each, 4 tickets got you a sausage, hamburger, or fries, pop, water, and coffee were a buck. From experience, the line up

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I made it in to Fenwick for 11:30am, and stayed until about 1:30 - I thank Diane Cumming for the picture of the winner, and list of winner’s names.

Seems like permanent resident status has been given to Stoney Creek Choppers, talking to Jason www.brasspolema.com (Techie) & Max (owner’s son), who were showing a fair selection of metric cruisers, & Harleys from the sporty up to the bright red (later in the day), became long for all of these. The gorgeous blonde at the Classic upgraded to Ultra with a Lyons food pavilion window was Mackenzie, while cooks were Doug, Norm, lot of chrome, and a nicely Bob, John & Fred, Marge, Nancy, & Ken (outside on the barbeque, were modified black and white Road Dan, Mike & Fred).

Glide. Of course, the Bikers Rights Organization was on hand Walking around, there were a lot of vendors at Biketoberfest this year! with Bonnie and Russ manning the red tent, the massive Dynotunes trailer revved and roared in the back of the park (relegated there by angry locals who don’t like noise). Sue Bissell from Clare’s Harley, was manning the “Elvis” tent – a big blue trike that Elvis Presley owned was on site, as well as one of his custom designed Elvis show jump suit Originals (these are regularly shown at Clare’s Harley in St. Catharines).

Regularly, and for many years, Elvis Jr. was the www.rnrcustomcycle.com headliner for this event (he claims that he is not Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service just an Elvis impersonator, but a man with the Complete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order DNA proof that he is one of Elvis’s sons) singing Harley Davidson Trained P.H.D. Mechanic Elvis songs, but while I was there, the band “Larry & David” were playing the tunes. More Bad News and the Horns from Hell would be playing later on in the day, about 2:30 (I missed them) – they’d be playing Joe Cocker music,

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Page 39

Fenwick Lions Biketoberfest 2011

by Jon

Welland Hospital had a booth with Laurie and Ange manning it..womaning it..personing the $10,000 grand prize raffle ticket table, , Eazy-Up (the center stand guy), putting it on your bike FOR FREE that day at $50 less than they sell (uninstalled) at Harley dealerships for. This is the place for deals folks? Did I see all of the local bikers there this year? Did I suggest you should put this on your list for next year? Did I mention I’ve already won the 2008 $23,500 Harley for a cash outlay of $40? Again I talked to Tim of Triple K Upholstery there this year, I think he’s been there every year? Not sure.

He makes amazing custom leather seats, awesome work really – the designs that can be permanently laser burned in to form fitted saddle leather are amazing (beautiful stuff) you might want to consider a custom seat as a Christmas present? I’m missing out a lot vendors, but one can’t miss out the Lyons at the raffle bike table: Joan, Frank, & Mona.

In 2002, Bruce Bissell (Sue’s hubby) had the great idea to raise money for the Fabulous Fenwick Lions Club & Charities by raffling off a Harley Davidson motorcycle. The bike was purchased from Clare’s (obvious choice, being that the store was 2 minutes ride up the road), and the first Biketoberfest was held on the first weekend of October. It was cold & muddy. It snowed; but the formula was set for all future Biketoberfests – vendors, bands, bikes, show & shine, the Niagara

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HOG “Dice run” would arrive about 2pm out of Thorold, and the bike would be raffled off about 5pm. A good thousand bikers turned up for that first one, many of them on bikes. Each event has grown warmer, bigger, and better, with more vendors, a Flag Run to kick off the event on Friday night, and in the years it’s been going, the Lions have raised over $150,000 for charities!

Without further ado, here’s the lists of winners: Grand prize bike winner: nd rd John Bald from Beamsville. 2 Prize: Barb Banfield from Thorold. 3 Prize: Larry Coon from Fenwick. Niagara HOG Dice run winners: Dice toss of 27 winner of the Clare’s HD Wall Clock: Darlene Terryberry. Lowest Dice st Count: Al Riley.

Show & Shine winners – Decker/Dresser 1 : Don Ferguson.st 2nd: Roger. Screaming Eagle 1st: Gaston Labbe.

2nd: David Roma. nd st Vintage 1 : Dave Bunz 2 :st Kevin McAlpine.nd Stock 1 : Sante Tonellato. 2ndst: Bill Durant. Mild Custom 1 : Fat Bastard. 2 : Davidst Doma. Full Custom 1: nd John Cosentini. 2nd: Wayne Burgess.

Sportster 1 : Magie Epp. 2 : Dave Wakeling. Sport Bike 1st: Steve Fudge. 2nd: Jim Reese. Trike 1st: Art Evans.

Best of Show: Troy Molson.

Jonathan Musson (petflightinc.com)

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Page 40

Talk is cheap!

by Rick

How long can this stuff keep going on?

How long are the people of this Province going to tolerate the kind of abuses of power and authority that has and still is exhibited and exercised by various Police Agencies from the bottom of the chain of command to the top, on a regular and ongoing basis?

How many questionable, serious incidents involving Police officers where the officers are exonerated of wrong-doing mainly because the Police won’t co-operate or interfere with the SIU which they are supposed to co-operate with under the laws of this Province.

A law that these officers and their commanding officers choose to ignore!

They with-hold their notes and refuse to co-operate thereby thwarting a proper investigation by the agency that was put in place to protect the public’s interest and ensure that there isn’t an abuse of power, procedure and authority by the Police.

So much for having the public’s interests at heart!

To self- serve and self- protect at all costs would be a more appropriate motto for these forces.

How can they have any credibility when they have the choice to ignore certain laws only when it pertains to them and the actions of some of them while holding members of the public accountable for all laws?

scrutiny as is done when it involves a member of the public, simply because it involves a Police officer?

These Police Agencies feel that they can investigate the incidents involving their officers themselves and don’t need outside intervention.

Many extremely questionable incidents involving Police would suggest otherwise.

It is documented fact that Police officers have been involved in crimes ranging from theft and extortion to murder yet we are supposed to have blind faith that they have it under control and can be trusted to do the right thing?

Am I saying that all Police are to be doubted and unworthy of respect?

Not at all!

The majority are fine, brave, honest, upstanding officers with the public’s best interest at heart and do their jobs diligently and with pride and are deserving of our respect and trust.

Some are not and it has become painfully obvious that the Police agencies are either unable or unwilling, to weed out the bad from the good and as a result the reputations and credibility of all officers suffer and the needs of the public are not being properly served or protected.

They would like the public to believe in fairy tales that they tell and take them as if they were gospel.

Things like “All Police are good! All Police are honest! All Bikers are evil, immoral, tramps and thieves! The cheque is in the mail! I won’t come in your mouth!”

If you buy those statements give me a call I have some deals on bridges and well irrigated land that I’d like to offer you!

The Special Investigation Unit (SIU), the civilian watchdog agency should be given proper support and authority in this Province as it is the only way that we, the public will ever have true confidence in the various Police Agencies who say they have our best interests at heart.

Talk is cheap!

What have they got to hide?

Are we being treated fairly and are the laws being applied equally and without prejudice and bias?

There is much to suggest that that is not the case!

Put the public interests ahead of the personal interests and agendas of individuals and agencies that have much to gain by avoiding public scrutiny and accountability!

Make some noise!

If we, the public were to with-hold information or evidence or tamper or alter the facts we would be charged with obstruction of justice or other such charges.

So it should be for the Police as well.

The Police want us to provide DNA samples on demand and yield unquestionably to their authority yet they refuse to hand over their notebooks to an agency that is legally entitled to see them?

How is that allowed?

When did the Police Agencies and Associations gain the kind of power that they can over-ride or supersede the Laws that these officers are supposed to be enforcing?

How can they expect the public to have faith in them and respect for them when they can blatantly and at will, ignore laws that they are sworn by oath to uphold? Perhaps they had their fingers crossed when they swore that part of the oath?

They seem to feel that they are not accountable for their actions and the public doesn’t have the right to know the truth by virtue of the fact that they wear a badge and a gun and were given a job and that now they feel that they have the divine right to determine their own perimeters regardless of what the Law dictates.

Who do we think we are?

Do we not realize that they know what is best for us or more to the point, what is best for them, after all, we hired them to do the job and we gave them the badge and the gun?

"They actually want to investigate me shooting that guy! So what I thought was a gun was a candy bar!

A shooting and death at the hands of Police isn’t allowed the same

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 42

It was an honest mistake! They should just give me the benefit of the doubt! I'm a Cop for crying out loud!”

JOKE PAGE big field. He yells out to him, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "I'm fishin. What does it look like I'm a doing." His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Arkansas a bad name, makin everybody think we is stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!" ”Turtle” Police Stop at 1:00 A.M. An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1:00 A.M. and is asked where he is walking to at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

“Turtle” I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: Ahalf-gallon of 2% milk, Acarton of eggs, Aquart of orange juice, Ahead of lettuce, 2 lb. can of coffee and 1 lb. package of bacon As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -'You must be single.' I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said -- 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly'. “Turtle” A man is at work one day when he notices that one of his co-workers is wearing an earring. He knows the co-worker to be a regular, conservative fellow, and so he's curious about this sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his friend and says, “I didn't know you were into earrings.

“Don't make a big deal, it's only an earring”, was the sheepish reply.

There's silence for a few minutes, but curiosity prods and the next question is, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

“Turtle” An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For Pete Sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

I'm 76. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years.

I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honour"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning

teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand,

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I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or CONTINUED ON PAGE 46

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DANNI’S TIMES Are we not enjoying this great extended season we have been experiencing? It’s confusing put bike away, take it out, put it back, but it is the confusion I personally enjoy. I went to call on Amanda from the Thunder Horse Riders, in December, and she was ready to hop on her bike and ride..

This is Canada..when was the last time this happened ? We are spoiled.....enjoy every moment...

John Lennon...So this is Christmas..

So this is new years, what have you done?

I have had the most exciting couple of months working with a team of Volunteers doing a calendar for Prostate Cancer Canada. We have taken on the great job of promoting awareness for this cancer that is affecting our men..our male riders... our husbands... our brothers.. Our sons... Our dads.. Our uncles.. Our friends.. The precious male community...

The Lady Riders who traveled many kilometers to enhance our calendars..

When it came to them with the taking of pictures with the custom bikes, I’m afraid, they did want to take them for a boot.. And I have had these ladies ride in the Rogers Center and know they can handle any bike given to them...

Our fabulous partner, The Toronto Roller Derby Team worked with us, with playing games the night before and still showing with smiles.. Their dedication of their sport alone just compliments our calendar volunteers...

Sports and Motorcycling go hand in hand..I personally don’t know too many women who have not played hockey , soccer, or baseball. Now Roller Derby is a sport I personally enjoy watching because of the athletic requirements...These ladies work hard at their games...

Roller Derby Girls and Lady Riders are just are a fabulous bunch of girls to work with...

Another year over

And a new one just begun Our team mates, Ride De Gars from Quebec who jumped on board and who infused energy into our group... This group of women and men took this whole year 0f 2011 and each event just kept raising money for Prostate Cancer. Their team of men even dyed their moustaches , blue.. Their final tally as of December 12th, over $ 11,000 dollars... and their energy is such a great mentor... great Role-Models....

I hope you had fun!

Our phenomenal photographers who donated their time, their expenses to show their support.. We have on board an absolute awesome lady photographer who has some of her work exhibited in the Oakville Museum.

She is becoming a very popular Motorcycle Photographer in this country.

Her love for this community is shown in her work in the calendar. Stellar work ...

Her partner, Gus Granzela who worked alongside with her making magic with his camera. He is presently in Buenos Aires on a shoot... Not experiencing the magic of this calendar.

This team well be seen next season at all our events..And our next calendar in 2013...

The near and the dear one The old and the young Terry and Laura Hlywka also popular photographers who venture out in the charity community each week taking photos to help where ever they can..

Their contribution was appreciated.

Let’s hope it’s a good one Our designer, Rona who worked so hard behind the scenes putting all of this together. She is now a pro with the bikes and looking forward to more adventures with us..

The best Team mates ever... and every one was a Volunteer.. That makes such a project as this, so much fun...ideas..were flowing... At times, the hours were long, but I never saw a frown.. And I loved every moment of laughter we shared..With motorcycles how could we not have fun? Each one of us have a list for Santa, not sure if he’s doing his shopping in the motorcycle shops, but he better start...Chrome, chrome....

And what have we done?

We had shops go way out in early hours to be there.. Always met with coffee and smiles..This group would like to say a very special Thank You to you..You know who you are.. If you buy one of our calendars , you will know who they are...

The Bikes, the staff.. You are the best...

And a Happy new Years!

Our riding community here in this province needs to be applauded. I have not had a person renege on appearing for this worthy cause.. And looking over the season, the riders who make our runs a success. Without the riding community, what would runs be? I tried looking at the amount of charity rides here in Ontario and only grasping at the stats , all found on the net.

Some just local without advertising .I was met with Ontario having the most rides.. We have rides for every charity imaginable. Now with our group in Montreal, we will be aware of the many rides there..

And so this is new years As you can tell from my writing, it was an exciting time, refreshing to be with such a project... This is just the beginning.. This great team has future

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DANNI’S TIMES projects and we are ready for them.. Traveled many kilometers and met so many nice people....

This subject I found different, but listened to the ladies who together emailed me, not once but several times .. This subject bothered them... Their concern was the fact, some places are hanging signs, real women ride..The sign is predominant..I asked , did the shop treat you any different being a passenger on the back..They couldn’t say, yes, but when they were asked by salesperson, “ Are you shopping for your bikes, ladies? The salespeople would go on and point out this merchandise to buy..When it was mentioned that they rode the back, the sales pitch kinda removed itself... I needed to know the argument..And did they find a solution..

For weak and the strong First, their partners told the ladies, if they were bothered so much by this shop, they would not return to shop.. A lot of Motorcycle Shops out there...That sounded fair, riders can shop anywhere..That’s why we ride..

I had a suggestion, what if they told the sales persons this, You have two different types of riding with women on a bike. The lady Rider and the Lady passenger.. The first t-shirt, Real Women Ride.. Was for them.. Ask the shop or for them, to design themselves a t-shirt to wear too.. Their 2nd question was, Did I think this?

Well I was honest..I ride with both and enjoy the friendship of ladies being passengers and sole riders...I don’t wear this t-shirt.. I had a bit of advice, Not to let something like this bother them.. Lady passengers are important too, and as they explained to me, their opinion on the purchasing of bikes are heard with their partners.. There’s a chance the shop is not aware of the shopper’s opinions...Their partners were willing to change stores, move on and enjoy riding..Not to put your concern down but elevate yourselves, ride every time you can...

For rich and the poor ones Now, when the invitation arrives, you ‘re excited..A home-made Christmas Dinner with the Kawartha Bikers Church. Living in the city and making it to Peterborough for 7:15 pm was a direct challenge..I work downtown meaning two trains and a bus , making it home to pick up our passengers to travel the roads we did on our bikes during the summer months.. Whew! We did it. As we entered the door, the smell of turkey was there and it was our turn to receive food..

For good food and great company one will travel kilometers for it..

Food was fantastic, Karen and Dave Neals made sure all their guests were fed, and 2nds were welcome to experience..

I appreciate listening to the speeches, Dave delivers.. He encourages respect for whatever we do.. Deliver this and it falls back.. always takes the time to thank his wife, Karen for standing tall beside him and always has a great joke.. You are treated as guests in their home everywhere you meet with them...There is not an event that is not a success with this great group...

Great talking to Marnie, Jen and Jim.. The newlyweds look real happy...I had fun...Jon Burman delivered a great talk with offerings of gifts to the many who attended..First time for myself hearing him talk..

Every event has a 50/50, but we all had to leave for home, turkey over, work the next day.. You know..

Well, there was a 2nd prize, a Harley Davidson Foot stool. Leaving our tickets behind, never

thinking, we get this text, that Richard won this. Thanks to Jen and Jim for looking after them.. And thanks to Karen and Dave for delivering it..

Although someone else won it, I ended up with it in my house.. Thanks Rich!

Not sure how it happened but it did...Thanks! For the great time..

Another year over and a new one begun...

I’m always receiving such great material from our readers, from their riding trips especially...Received this awesome picture from Bulldog from Durham Cruisers who in August went to Beartooth Pass on their way to Sturgis. Picture this.. Motorcycles with a background of snow..no shoulder, the boys had to stop traffic to get the picture..I got to see Big Terry back in the saddle again.. Thanks Guys, maybe we should be thanking you for our green season, you kept the snow way down there.. Much appreciated..

And so this is New Years!

Now Please take a minute to drop by the booth and support our many great Volunteers who put this calendar together...The money goes to prostate cancer and word is we will be having special guests helping us at our booth..Some of the TTC Riders will be helping with the calendar sales.. The TTC Bikers are seen at many events, they are just never recognized as the TTC employees. I appreciate them taking the time in being there...

Darlene in Montreal still has not put the bike away, just confirmed she will not chance riding up in January..If there was a way she would be there on her bike..

These chariots of steel are what feeds our souls and keep us balanced in troubled times. It’s about enjoying the moments. I believe riding softens the blows of our daily lives, it enlightens us to look outside the box..Don’t sweat the small stuff..

T’is the season to make resolutions but rather than coming up with things you should do or do better, direct your energy to the 2012 season of riding..make the most out of our motorcycle shows, enjoy the best way you can and feel good about those small things..here’s to our 2012 season ahead of us...Here’s to all those great rides out there..Find them and enjoy..

Let’s hope it’s a good one..

Special words being sent to Billy.. I know you are there...Much love and respect...

Brianna, I hear your school picture is really Kool!!! Carol, I heard about your gift to Rona...time is precious..

Happy New years to all..I want to thank all you fabulous volunteers who

THE RIDER’S MAG

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JOKE PAGE stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertain ers and politician s of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or bigwhatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm damn tired.

But I'm also glad to be 76.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughters and their children.

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM

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'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.

I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money...! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now...!'

In 1872, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

A guy calls the company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a s h o t .

T h i s g i r l i s i n excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.' He lost 63 pounds that week.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch..Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.....In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.' The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it

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