2012-05 v14-n03

Vol.14 #3 THE

RIDER’S MAG

May ‘12

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

FREE Spring Motorcycle Show

What’s Shakin Joke Page

Feature Bike

National Motorcycle & Tattoo Show

Friday the 13th

We Support the Troops The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 2

WELCOME TO

THE

RIDER’S MAG

www.hipscycle.ca

900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Rider's Mag. First, this is a call for jokes, email your jokes into theridersmag@gmail.com. They will get published and make sure you sign your name. Well the Friday the 13th went well and the weather co-operated. Hopefully the weather will be nice from now on but you never know. Have a great Spring and enjoy the coming of summer.

TABLEOFCONTENTS

Making up the Rules

4

(Critter bitches about the cops in Dover) On the Road

6

WE DO IT ALL! M.O.T. INSPECTION STATION PARTS AVAILABLE FROM ALL SUPPLIERS

(The publisher grinds his axe) Cruising with Critter

Since 1988

8

(Critter writes Spring & National Shows) What’s Shakin

ALL LICENSED MECHANICS 11

(Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page

12

(Time to Bust a Gut) Readers Pics

26

(Finally got some of your old pics cleared) Too Many Great Ideas

28

(Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church

30

(Pastor Dave and motorcycles) Port Dover Friday the 13

th

31

(Critter writes up April 2012) Thanks for the Mammeries

38

45

th

(the breasts of Friday the 13 April 2012) Ladies and their Harleys

40

(Our first lady of 2012) Danni’s Times (A Ladies Perspective)

44

amsalesmotorcycles.autotrader.ca

416.663.3382

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 3

Making up the rules………..

Well things are what they are and the laws and rules under which all citizens are to abide are made or made up as they have always been, seemingly on a whim or whatever by some person or group with a personal agenda or axe to grind with little or no consideration for or consultation from those that these rules and or laws will affect or the impact that these laws/rules will have on anyone or if indeed there are already laws on the books to deal quite nicely with problems, if someone saw fit to properly enforce them, or if these laws/rules have a basis in truth, or are even necessary or required.

Little thought goes into whether this new rules/laws are enforceable or contravene rights and freedoms guaranteed by the Charter of Rights or constitution.

Why should anyone give any concern to minor details like Rights and Freedoms when a politician’s agenda is on the line?

Most times these laws are vague at best, both in language and intent, because that is the way that they wanted them.

If you make things too concise and clear it make it too easy to come up with a clear and concise argument against them, If they had been clearly and completely researched and thought out the plans would never have left the drawing board in the first place and they might not have been rammed so easily through legislation and down our throats.

Why would they let clarity and infringements on a Citizens individual rights and freedoms interfere with their desire to further their agendas and interfere with their raising their public profile or to give police yet another tool to harass and bully the public that they are supposed to serve!

After all, people like Julian Fantino never let things like individual rights and freedoms and due process of law slow him down in his personal growth and look where he is now!

These things are made to ignore!

Such is the case with so many of these things that are being constantly crammed down our throat!

Motorcycles and motorcyclists tend to be a prime target of these zealots who in their minds, know so much better than we who ride what is good for us.

There are many examples, such as helmet laws (The war on this one is still being waged in the courts.) noise bylaws and handlebar laws that are clearly aimed solely at motorcycles only where definitions, and interpretations are left up to the individual officers to determine if there is an infraction.

Handlebar laws have been a thorn in the side of bikers for a long time and the subject of many a discussion.

They have been a cash cow and a real mainstay weapon of harassment for that the Police have wielded with gusto for years as demonstrated at events such as Friday 13th at Port Dover where it is like shooting fish in a barrel.

The cops were pulling over large packs and checking everyone over. Noise was a major area of attention, but the old standby, handlebars is a guaranteed money maker.

There is no clear cut method by which the handlebar measurements are made and no clear definition of what is and is not legal.

Also there is no evidence showing that high bars are a safety issue so what is the intention

THE RIDER’S MAG

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of the law in the first place?

Handle bar height is such a subjective thing and should be what fits and suits the individual rider based on factors such as height of the rider, reach and body type and would depend also on, seating, suspension, make, model of and style of the individual motorcycle.

These are only some of the factors, none of which are currently being used to determine if there is an offense being committed or what it really appears to be; an offensive, law.

The handlebar laws are being challenged right now by “Legal Beagle” Sue Whalen, a licenced Paralegal who has taken on a case pro bono, and has taken up the cause because it is just and it is time.

Sue who writes for me in a column on my website crittercountry.ca and is an Independent member of the OCC (Ontario Confederation of Clubs) has taken up the fight on her own time and her own time, investigating, researching and studying the law from legal, safety and practical aspects and is now close to getting a real decision that will affect riders in this Province.

Sue along assisted by Jamie Cargill who together measured the handlebar heights of various motorcycles documented their findings and then took time off work to attend court to testify to those measurements.

They have shown true commitment to the task and spent countless hours on this cause.

I am confident that the OCC ,( who are set up not only to represent the rights of Motorcycle Clubs but those of individuals and independent riders), will get behind Sue in this fight and support her financially so that she does not have to bear the full financial burden as well as the workload.

I am considering ways that I may offer something more than just moral support with my upcoming Show and Shines and such.

Many have tried, including our publisher/editor JR and JB to challenge these laws in the past (and have written about it in these pages) only to have the case dismissed before a ruling could be made.

Sue has come a long way.

Get behind her on this issue and when this is done, help her to move on to other issues and other challenges to laws that have been forced on us and affect our rights as riders and as citizens of this province.

We need people like Sue who are determined to make a difference and not be treated with the disrespect, arrogance and contempt that our Government has shown to date and not afraid to make some noise!

Keep on fighting Sue! You are not alone!

So in the meantime, if you do get a ticket for handlebar infractions……..do not pay it!

Fight it! We should all be fighting everything anyway but especially now!

(519) 445-2275

Hwy.#54 Caledonia

Brantford

6th Line

N 5th Line

4th Line

p.gardens@hotmail.com

Chiefswood Rd.

Grand River 2158 Chiefswood Road

Ohsweken Town Center

Hwy #6

Hwy #6

On The Road

Time flies when your having fun or when you're so busy that you have a list of all the things that need to get done that sits right next to the list of all the things you wanna do. Face it the to do list never actually gets finished and the wish list is just that only it keeps growing and probably always will, eventually you just accept if you get one of every things off your wish list that your doin ok. So I wanted to thank Kevin and his wife Mary-Ann for bringing to my attention the missing last paragraph from last month's feature article.

I never notice these things if someone doesn't bring them to my attention, but I missed it during proofing and the last paragraph mentions that the bike is for sale, so if you interested in a WL flathead give us a call here at the mag and we will get you connected with Dave on the sale of that bike.

I got an email in from one of the faithful in Michigan and I understand that they have joined the helmet optional club, for those of you who live in the southwest and ride over the border you can take advantage of that new

perk, for those of you who can’t get over the border you will never have the opportunity to ride in a helmet free environment so don't worry about it.

Frankly I have ridden all over and keeping track is hard especially when you are near one of those junctions where some are helmet states and others are helmet free.

I was standing in a Harley dealer t-shirt shop across the street from Graceland in Memphis Tennessee last year, and I knew that Tennessee was a helmet state, and I knew that Arkansas right across the Mississippi river was a helmet free state, and although I had ridden in Mississippi many times (I am referring to the state just south of Memphis TN) I wasn't sure whether it was or not. I watched a guy roll out of the parking lot on his Harley sans helmet, I pointed it out to the girl behind the counter saying he must think he's in Arkansas cause he didn't put his lid on but he's headed south towards Mississippi is that a helmet free state? She said nope guess he's gonna get a ticket if he makes it to the state line. (there's a story there I might write in a future issue)

THE CREAM OF THE CROP WE,VE GOT EM

PRE OWNED HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTORCYCLES JUST HOW YOU LIKE THEM RUGGED, DEPENDABLE & GENTLY USED

Here are the points of the ruling brought down by the Ontario Supreme Court in the Wayne Hayes helmet case. Again congratulations to Wayne and the law offices ofAlan Gold.

1. The police erred in escalating a simple Highway Traffic Act charge into the Criminal charge of Obstruct Police.

2. The police in the future may demand you to surrender your helmet or take it off for inspection on the side of the road. You the rider don't have to be subjected to this kind of treatment anymore because of the Hayes case. The police can still issue you a ticket for improper helmet under the HTA , if they feel your helmet is improper , but you the rider don't have to take off your helmet on the side of the road for any kind of inspection. They cannot seize or impound your helmet. If they have reason to suspect that the helmet is not compliant, they the police have two options; issue a ticket for improper helmet or they can issue you a written notice of compliance under sec.82(1) to bring in your helmet for an inspection on the date specified on the written notice.

GO TO

WWW.DUKESHARLEYDAVIDSON.COM

CALL 1 877 354 0650 LOW PAYMENTS FROM HARLEY DAVIDSON CREDIT FINANCING HARLEY DAVIDSON EXTENDED SERVICE CONTRACTS

THE RIDER’S MAG

We also have an update on the Wayne Hayes Helmet saga back home in Ontario and have included the update that was forwarded to us by our contributing writer Kaz for your information concerning surrendering your helmet at the side of the road which never was required despite the hollow threats from the cops and the frivolous obstructing justice charges, here ya go:

Page 6

We trust this information will be passed along to your members, and others in our community that may be affected by this ruling.

R. v. Hayes 129 of the Criminal Code - obstructing police CONTINUED ON PAGE 18

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Wow! It has been an eventful time over the course of the last couple of months and it’s still building.

This is shaping up to be an amazing year for me.

As many of you are aware I had my gimpy old knee worked on finally and though it is taking me a lot longer to get back in full swing than I had expected, and other than some excessive, and disconcerting leaking and draining of what resembled transmission fluid from said knee, stiffness and not being able to get back to work driving truck as soon as I’d anticipated, I am getting better every day and trying to make the best of the time off.

Maybe I’ll even catch up on some of the things that have been piling up on me.

What a winter!

Not being a snowmobiler, a skier, or a fan of winter or cold weather in any way, shape or form, and being of the mindset that the only good place for ice is in a glass of rum, this winter was like a kiss to me.

I could really get used to this!

Yesterday, without any regrets, I took my snow blower from the spot in my garage where I put it last fall and returned it unused to the back shed where it will spend the summer.

I have no problem repeating the entire process next year and if it never blows another bit of snow for the remainder of my life, I will not feel cheated or have the slightest desire to sell it. I’ll just change the gas add more stabilizer and I’m good with considering it a ritual in warding off foul weather.

Perhaps I’ll even make it a religion with rituals and chanting and drinking of special religious beverages such as 50, burning and maybe even smoking of specified herbs, if that is your preference (Which of course would be legalized for the performance of religious ceremonies.) or both, do a little dancing, or whatever and create some official religious garb to wear as we

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perform the whole ritual and invite a congregation of followers to join in.

We could serve special ceremonial foods like ribs, chicken wings, pizza, deep fried Turkey and beer, make an entire day or a week out of it, invent some neat character to represent the occasion along the lines of the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause or the Great Pumpkin (I’m leaning toward using a good looking naked chick (or several.) on a Harley perhaps name her “The Sexy, Spirited, Siren of Spring”.) and claim huge deductions at tax time or maybe petition Queens park or Ottawa to declare a mandatory religious holiday.

Anyway, come on summer!

Petoonia and I should both be ready to go about the same time, as she awaits tires and fussy shit to be done to her and get clearance from her Dr. Bronson and I’m awaiting clearance from my Doctor and not ready yet so I’ll let her rest awhile longer, but not too much longer.

I’m making the final preparation for what will be the 1st of three events that I have planned for 2012 at the 400 Market in Barrie. This will be the last Sunday in May (The 27th) and will again be a Show and Shine with a Swap Meet quotient thrown in to expand the event into something that has, hopefully, something for everybody what with the vendors that I will be bringing in and the entertainment that I will provide added to the huge variety that The vendors at the 400 Market have to offer, it should be good.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 10

BOOTH INFO

PARK AND SELL YOUR MOTORCYCLE INDOORS

Call Moe (905) 651-5233

$20

SALES SPACE

10 X 10 $50.00 Bring your own Table

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[KIDS 12 AND UNDER FREE WITH ADULT] www.forteriemotorcycleswapmeet.com

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) The Market has provided me with even more space with our own entrance for this year’s events and I’ve been working on some stuff that should prove to be entertaining and informative for anyone who comes out.

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There will be music, door prizes, trophies, beer garden, fun and frolic with lots to see and do, so come on out and join us.

I’m also working out details for my Thursday Riders Nights at Big Daddy’s in Newmarket and should have an update soon. I’m thinking near the end of May at this point.

I have been keeping busy with the last of the two indoor shows being in the book for this year, but that is not that I’ve been up to.

I wrote last month that Scott T Campbell of the Renegades MC had passed away and that there was a huge celebration of life for him in Oshawa that I attended.

Well, on a cold, windy March 24, 2012 we gathered once again, this time at a Funeral Home in Whitby to say our final goodbyes to Scott t and escort him on one last ride through the streets of Oshawa and Whitby then back to the funeral h o m e a n d graveyard to put our friend and brother in his eternal resting place.

Pastor Dave Neals CON’T ON PG 15

WHAT’S SHAKIN WEEKLY EVENTS EVERY MONDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)6793778

Over 100 used

EVERY TUESDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778

!Financing Avaliable !Family Owned & Operated !Since 1958

Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Jazz Band from 1-5pm (905)5478989

Wheatley, 519-825-4222

Albion Hotel at 1Main St Bayfield 11:30ammidnight food and refreshment specials (519)565-2641

Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO EVERY WEDNESDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989

Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO beginning April 14th

Frankie's Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more info please call (905)679-3778

STARTING June 2nd Niagara Motorcycle Raceway is having Balls To The Walls Motorcycle Racing starting at 7pm 603 Netherby Road Welland (905)734-7058

Bike Night at Foolery's Sports Bar and Grill at 2300 Huron Church Road in Windsor (519)966-7888

EVERY SUNDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778

EVERY THURSDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 On JUNE 7th Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. is starting their Lucky 13 Cruise Night (905)6844647 EVERY FRIDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has live entertainment at 9pm (905)529-0271 EVERY SATURDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and Karaoke (905)679-3778 The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has live entertainment Matinees 3pm-7pm (905)529-0271

continued on page 14

ACROSSTHE ROADS Come Check Out Our AC R T

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(905)547-8989 1123 MAIN ST. E. Hamilton, Ontario THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 11

JOKE PAGE WE SELL SEEDS

wHeads e er ere

MEET

We Sell Smoking Accessories & Vaporizers We buy and sell used L.P. Records 162 Ottawa Street North, Hamilton, ON

905-548-6338

www.whereheadsmeet.ca (visit us on facebook)

I just got off the phone with a friend living in Upper Michigan near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down. It is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

“Turtle” Einstein was born March 14, 1879. He would be 132 if he were alive today. Few people remember that he married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa "because she was so well endowed". He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as....

Einstein's Theory of "Relative Titty."

Sitting together on a train travelling through the Canadian Rockies were a fellow from Newfoundland , a fellow from Quebec , a little old lady and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later, there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the fellow from Quebec has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The little old lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have groped the blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The fellow from Quebec thinks: That Newfie must have groped the blond in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The Newfoundlander thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that asshole from Quebec again.

“Turtle” A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50." “Turtle” An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.' To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.' And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.' He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.' So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?' The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.' Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.' The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.' The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent. Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, 'SUPPLIES’;!!!“Turtle There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband....... For example ...

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JOKE PAGE A wife comes home late at night from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Emotionally shaken, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she is shocked to see her husband there. "Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit and l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say ‘hello’?”

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

LIVE BANDS EVERY FRIDAY

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

'CONTINUED ON PAGE 24

’S

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!' 'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

F

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.

“Mommy”, the little girl asks, “how old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age.” the mother replies “it’s not polite.” “Ok”, the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?” “Now really, those are personal questions and are really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks,” Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?” “That’s enough questions young lady! Honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two begin to play. “My mom won’t tell me anything about her”, the little girl tells her friend. “Well,’ says the friend, “all you have to do is look at her driver’s license. Ithas everything on it.” Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know you are 32.” The mother is surprised, “How did you find that out?” “I also know you weigh 140 pounds.” Mother is past surprised and shocked now. “How in Heaven’s name did you find that out?” “And” triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.” “Oh really” mother asks “Why?” “Because you got an F in sex.”

“Turtle”

a

!F

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Parliment Hill. One is from Toronto, another is from Fisherville, and the third is from Hamilton. All three go with a Parliment Hill official to examine the fence.

The Hamilton contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Fisherville contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Toronto contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Parliment Hill official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Toronto contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Fisherville to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

679-3778

2965 Homestead Drive - Mount Hope

THE RIDER’S MAG

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WHAT’S SHAKIN Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Free Pool and cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Denny's Restaurant (South Keys) 2208 Bank St. Ottawa 6pm - 9pm Sponsored By Denny's & The Celtic Brotherhood Show & Shine - Prizes - Games Phone: Beau (613) 295 4444 Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO beginning April 14th MONTHLY EVENTS APR 27th-28th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Bullitt playing (905)529-0271 APR 27th Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. is having test Our Metal Demo and BBQ 10am-3pm for more info please call (905)6844647 APR 28th Welland County Motorcycle Club is having their Annual Poki-BarbiDan Rockys Harley Davidson at 900 Wilton Grove Rd. in London is having their Demo Day for more info please call (519)438-1450 APR 29th Kitchener Harley Davidson at 2255 Kingsway Dr. in Kitchener is having their Demo Day for more info please call (519)893-0493 MAY 4th-5th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Steel City playing (905)529-0271 MAY 4th International Female Ride Day Ladies Ride leaves Clare's Cycle in Fenwick at 6:15pm for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAY 5th B.R.O. Niagara Cover The Kids Run registration at Lakeside Park in Port Dalhousie 10am-noon ride leaves at 1pm SHARP entry fee of grocery card or cash donation BBQ and live band to follow at 330 Young Rd. Welland for more info please call (905)401-1220 (905)714-9808 Capital City Bikers Church Swap Meet & Info Day 10am - 3 pm 155 Carillon St. Ottawa Free Admission Free Vendor Continued on page 19

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) did an admiral job as usual and rendered a heartfelt and inspirational service that did justice to this man we all loved and he included some great poetry both here and at the preceding Celebration of life, that fit the occasion and the man and the lifestyle that he lived. One poem in particular struck a chord with me and with Dave’s permission; I have included it in my column.

To My Brother As I stand here in this place, I remember the last time I saw you And I regret words unsaid and deeds undone What I would give to see you one more time or hear your voice I miss you more than words can say.

As I stand here in this place, I think of how your life impacted mine How grateful I am that our paths crossed for a season, even though it was too brief How just knowing you changed my heart And how much I loved you, completely and unconditionally.

As I stand here in this place, I reflect upon the days that are long since gone And I wonder, did you know that someday we would be legends?

Did you have any idea that stories of you, me and our Brothers would live on

And that future generations would try to emulate what we had?

As I stand here in this place, I am proud that you were my Brother I am proud that we wore the same patch, that we lived together, cried together, loved together, partied together, fought together and above all, always stood together Everything I had was yours and what you had was mine.

As I stand here in this place, I am reminded that though I carry on without you, It is not without a price because I have lived to see that what we had is no more The loyalty, love, guts, class, BROTHERHOOD that we had then has died And those of us who remain are dinosaurs in this generation of bikers.

As I stand here in this place, I will make you this promise That I will never let your memory die That every time I feel the wind in my face, I take you with me That your spirit and those of our Brothers lives on in me.

As I stand here in this place, I am reminded how fragile life is And of the certainty that someday, my Brother, I will be as you are now But I look forward to that day when we are all together once more, on the other side, When we will embrace each other again after all these years And we will mount up and ride together once more.

Family and friends made a final tribute to the man who meant so much to all of us before he was carried by his brothers to the hearse for his final ride on this earth accompanied by a Piper.

The mournful sound resonated through the building, bringing a lump to my

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 15

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) throat and sent a chill down my spine.

At graveside Fuse (Congrats by the way, on your personal achievement Fuse.) fulfilled his promise to his longtime, friend and brother and leads the gathering in a stirring rendition ofAmazing Grace.

Again the Piper played as the casket was lowered into the ground and it was now the time for Club Brothers, Family and friends to complete their homage to this wonderful man and took up shovels to complete the task at hand.

It was mentioned that somewhere on his marker it should read “Scotty, you dropped your pocket.” Scott t, his Brothers and his close friends and some family will know the meaning and the sentiment. That is enough.

It was to say the least an emotional day as we all hate to say goodbye to someone we love but we all know it is part of living.

But life will be a lot less exciting without the likes of Scott t.

The Aces and eights MC invited everybody back to their Clubhouse for food and refreshments after and I did drop by for a while just to make sure that their supply of 50 didn’t go stale.

It was a great time the 50 was cold, the food was great (as usual) and it would be easy just to kick back with some really great people but I still had another commitment that day and had to move along.

Such is the life of a Roving Reporter.

I have included a message from Scott t’s Ol’ lady Kathleen; Hello to all of Scott-T-B's family, friends, co-workers and especially to all his brothers&sisters.I can't tell you how much love and respect we and I will have forever

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 16

Rest Forever, Forever Rest.I loved my R.F.F.R....

Love to all, Kathleen.......

I now headed across to my next and last event of the day.

There was a birthday party at The Loners MC clubhouse and I had been invited to come along.

I arrived and wandered in to the awesome aroma of barbecue and received a warm welcome from the large gathering already in full party mode, a cold beer placed in my hand. It was off to a Hell of a start.

I explained to them that I could only stay a while as it had been a long day and my knee was letting me know just how long it had been in no uncertain terms.

One item that I had to get a picture of was a table that was made and carved by my friend John that he had been describing to me the week previous to the party.

It was something to be proud of to be certain.

He had taken a large piece of solid maple to serve as the table top, carved the Loners MC insignia on it, incorporated a set of moose antlers into the base and presented it as a gift to the club.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

On The Road

for a vehicle inspection, the offense of obstruct police could have been made out. However, since the officer did not attempt to enforce his power to inspect the helmet under s. 82(3) by issuing the written notice he was not entitled to invoke the far more serious offense of obstruct police....". R. v.

Hayes (2003), 177 C.C.C. (3d) 543, 65 O.R. (3d) 787 (Ont. C.A.)

officer - motorcyclist refusing to surrender his helmet to police officer for examination at roadside as required by s. 82(1) of the Highway Traffic Act accused liable to conviction under s. 82(4) of the HTA, but s. 82(3) requiring that accused first be given written notice given of obligation to submit to examination - police not attempting to give written notice, but instead charging appellant under the Criminal Code with obstructing police - a refusal to submit the helmet for examination cannot, in these circumstances, amount to an attempt to obstruct the police - semble, where a statute creates a duty to co-operate with the police and provides a penalty for failure to do so, the failure cannot be elevated into a criminal offense - "If the appellant had interfered with the officer's attempt to issue written notice

We accept paper or plastic SUPPORT SHIRTS $30 EACH ___ TEE

___ MUSCLE ___ TANK TOP

So we are into the warmer months now and the outdoor events, poker runs, cruise nights or bike nights along with a variety of other stuff is starting to happen and I still as always implore you to support the advertisers in the mag. This mag owes its existence to those who give us money to pay the printer, Purolator, Canada Post, and our drivers along with a host of phone and insurance companies who demand their pinch and percentage of our hides here at the mag. Just remember, the mag has costs and nothing is free, somebody paid for it somewhere along the line and if you're looking for advertising for your charitable event find yourself a prominent sponsor who has a budget for shameless self promotion and have them buy advertising for your event and plunk their name into your ad, that keeps the mag in business. We are after all the only non subsidized right wing voice of free speech in the province and have 25,000 + readers who love us and our publication if not our politics.

I am looking forward to more riding this year and in years to come to stay tuned for more updates on the mag and the southern Ontario area and all of its events. We are heading out for our feature shoot trips over the next few months and are always looking for more, vintage bikes and shovelheads and of course we can use a few more ladies, we are booking for next year but doing the shoots now. You can; t get in the mag if you don't get on the list, and once you do we will see you out there “on the road”

Support Shirts LONG SLEEVE ___ $35 S___ M___ L ___ XL ___

1. Support Tee $30.00 ___ Support Shirts @ $30.00 = ___ 2. Muscle Shirts $30.00 ___ Support Shirts @ $30.00 = ___ 3. Tank Tops $30.00 ___ Support Shirts @ $30.00 = ___

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5. Ladies Crop Top ___ Ladies Support Shirts @ $25.00 = ___ 6. Ladies Spaghetti Strap Tops ___ Ladies Support Shirts @ $30.00 = ___ 7. Ladies Cap Sleeve T-shirts ___ Ladies Support Shirts @ $30.00 = ___

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All prices are $cdn and include postage, handling, g.s.t. & p.s.t., orders outside Ontario are p.s.t. exempt, orders outside Canada will be g.s.t. exempt

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Page 18

WHAT’S SHAKIN Space Games 50/50 Draw Refreshments Live Music please call Hillbilly (613) 806 3351 Hillbilly@bikerschurch.com www.bikerschurch.com MAY 6th Fort Erie Swap Meet 10am-4pm at the West End Arena Ridge Rd. Fort Erie Ont. for more info please call (905)651-5233 Niagara HOG Annual Spring Poker Run registration at Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. 9:30am-noon for more info please call (905)374-4544

MAY 27th Critter Country Show and Shine in support of Alzheimer Society 400 Market Innisfil, Ont. 10am-5pm (905)251-2359 7th Annual Blackhawks Motorcycle Club Hamilton Open House at Suck Bang Blow 443 Hwy #20 E Stoney Creek Noon-4pm JUNE 1st-2nd The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has IN2U playing (905)529-0271

MAY 11th-12th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Darren Hancock playing (905)529-0271 MAY 12th Clare's Cycle in Fenwick is having Suzuki demo Rides and BBQ from 10am-2pm for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAY 18th-19th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Amy Churm and Indiana Road playing (905)529-0271 MAY 20th Kawartha Bikers Church is holding their 2nd annual Bike Blessing, Come be part of the largest Bike Blessing in Ontario for more info call (705) 875-5412 MAY 24th Clare's Cycle in Fenwick is having Honda demo Rides from 10am-2pm for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAY 25th-26th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Spencer Creek playing (905)529-0271 MAY 25th-27th 3rd Annual Treating Yourself Expo at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre North Building Hall A Friday 10am-8pm Sat.10am8pm Sun.10am-6pm for more info please visit www.treatingyourselfexpo.com

THE RIDER’S MAG

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WHAT’S SHAKIN JUNE 1st-3rd The Eagle's Nest in Niagara Falls presents The Grand Central Taps Eagle's Nest Party on the Q Springlicious Block Party bands start at 5pm for more info please visit springlicious.ca JUNE 2nd Heroes Highway Ride and Rally a free ride and rally in support of Canada's Troops for more info please visit heroeshighwayride.ca JUNE 3rd The Deck Pub and Grill at 34 Mill Street Orangeville is having their Spring Motorcycle Show and Shine registration Noon-2pm proceeds to Orangeville Humane Society for more info please call (519)9416555 JUNE 9th Durham Motorcycle Ride for Dad join the fight against prostate cancer for more info please go to RideForDad.ca Westerntown Smokeout 370 Uxbridge Pickering Townline Rd. food trophies live bands camping games and much more for more info please call (905)294-4745

Orangeville Legion #233 is having their 10th Annual Motorcycle Show and Shine 7 John Street all makes and models welcome music bbq draws and much more for more info please call (519)942-4895 R.D.M.C.Annual Bike Show at 30 Arden Ave. in Hamilton registration 11am-noon all makes welcome proceeds to support the C.N.I.B JUNE 24th Bobcaygeon Community 2nd Annual Bikefest music camping show and shine and much more starts at 9am-4pm for more info please call (705)738-2202 1-800-318-6173 JUNE 30th 5th Annual Support The Troops Bash hosted by the London Chapter Falcons M.C. Veterans Canada 892 County Rd 46 Essex 2pm rain or shine for more info please call (519)551-6686 (905)391-7904 JULY 7th Taps Brewery in Niagara Falls is having Wing Fest Lincoln County M.C. is having their Harley Davidson Show and Shine 4859 Hillside Dr. Beamsville Adults Only no pets gates open at noon awards at 4:30 for more info please call (905)563-4267

JUNE 10th

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) It was fantastic.

I hung in for a while and enjoyed their wonderful company and hospitality before saying my goodbyes before heading home where, Godzilla, Captain and Morgan (The Wonder dogs) a shot of their namesake mixed with some Pepsi accompanied by an icepack for my knee, a shower then collapse into bed.

It had been a It’s Kool To Drink Healthy long day and I’d RENT A FREEZER FULL OF ICE covered a lot of FOR YOUR WEEKEND PARTY miles.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

This show traditionally would be happening midApril but due to scheduling conflicts with the v e n u e , organizers moved it to this date.

Page 22

I had just had my knee surgery on the Tuesday so I would have to do this show on crutches.

JR would be knee deep in production of the new edition of the Mag and he would be unavailable for the weekend and Sr. in the middle of his own personal rebuild and restoration was a doubtful starter and Manon was busy with clients who assume that lack of planning on their part should interpret into an emergency on her part so she would be unavailable.

My Grandson Nick, who had been such a help and a pleasure to be with at the Super show in January, had signed on for this show as well and I was glad to have him.

Also on board for Sunday only (Which was crucial as I would certainly need help for tear down and loading that day.), was my buddy Allan who has helped out in the past at shows and my Show and Shines.

I went to the International Centre on Friday afternoon to help JR set up and obtain the passes and such, but a text message received enroute, from the Boss man informed me that he had finished set-up and had lost patience with the Show Office and had to

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) get back to the Riders Mag office to look after stuff so I was on my own.

I parked out front and made my way to the office via my crutches.

I secured the required passes and scoped out our booth.

JR had done an admiral job as usual.

The rest would be up to me.

I hobbled back to the Black Bitch and headed out to continue with my usual Friday routine and socializing before heading home.

Morning came and I cleaned up as best I could because a shower was verboten due to my recent surgery, dressings and such.

I grabbed my crutches and headed out to pick up Nick, grab breakfast and move on down to the show.

We found a decent parking spot and made our way to the booth in Hall 1.

Hall one is where the action is, as most of the things that interest me are situated so it was perfect.

Nice view of the stage so you could see what was going on.

They had bands and other activities on stage at various times and it is the hub for so much during the show and

then of course it is where the awards are presented at the end.

The show bikes are in this Hall as well and there was plenty to see and do.

Terez Leather does the Leather fashion Show (Always a crowd favourite.) at regular intervals throughout the course of the two day event and they are always interesting and entertaining.

She really pulls out all the stops in showcasing her line of leather garments and accessories that incorporate fashion with function, great looks with practical applications for men women and children.

The shows never get boring as she has a talent for acquiring models who are enthusiastic, look like they belong and suit the clothes that they are modeling, along an announcer who conveys what goes into the fashion with flair and style with capable person handling the mixing board. In a word, “Slick”. CONTINUED ON PAGE 34

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Page 23

JOKE PAGE anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.

How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!?

Like a newborn LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no FRIDAY AND SATURDAY teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 24

BEST BEEF IN HAMILTON

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his

JOKE PAGE paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door. 'He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

MIKES UPHOLSTERY

A guy is standing at a bar and a beautiful woman is beside him. He leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe." She replies, "What?...I'm small and cute?" He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

“Turtle”

Cars, Boats, Specializing in Custom Motorcycle Seats

Where I have been...... I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

The Rider’s Mag

of Hamilton

COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY SERVICE

mmcphaden20@hotmail.com

289-808-9190 I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in .continued on page 27

smokeout.ca

P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Rick Davis, Danni.

Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 25

Readers Pics

JOKE PAGE Two Canadian guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday." On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? " "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "Except I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison...................

A Ukrainian and a Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Ukie. He's never lost a match, because of this pretzel hold he has.

So, whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold!! If he does, you're finished !!" The Newfie nodded in acknowledgment........As the match started, the Newfie and the Ukrainian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Ukie lunged forward,......... grabbing the Newfie and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't bare to watch the inevitable happen.....Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Ukrainian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded !!..........When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked: "How the hell did you ever get out of that hold?? No one has ever done it before!!...." The wrestler answered: "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles, right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could !!" The trainer exclaimed: "So, THAT'S what finished him off !!...." "Not really"............. replied the Newfie......"You'd be amazed

CONTINUED ON PAGE 39

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 27

Too Many Great Ideas

This month's feature guy is Martin from Martin's Custom Motorcycles and he has been around motorcycle manufacturing for better than 40 years now saying he opened his first manufacturing business in Scarborough in 1969.

He has primarily focused on wholesale manufacturing saying that at the pinnacle he had a good sized business focusing on all aspects of the business which were manufacturing, bike building, and parts and accessories sales.

Martin says he came to the realization one day that even though he had a good sized business with more than a half dozen employees that he was working 16 hours a day effectively living the business rather than his life. he just decided that it was time for a change saying he decided to leave behind the bike building and parts and accessories sales; saying that those aspects of the business required prime location which he felt he had on Kingston Road.

Manufacturing was Martin's beginning having started into the business as a boy, he became a pattern maker for various castings at a foundry in town back in the 60’s and he had expanded that interest into a variety of manufacturing processes.

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 28

He realized that he was growing very tired and wanted to return to his manufacturing roots which included design, he brother was living out Cobourg way and Martin decided that it was a good time to get out of the city and return to his manufacturing roots saying to manufacture you can be anywhere all you need is a location for your machinery and a telephone so your clients can reach you to order.

Too Many Great Ideas of shows that began in January in Toronto in January, this was back in 2007.

Unfortunately he hurt his shoulder at that time and was unable to get the work done that he wanted to get done so he decided that he needed to build a bike that he had rattling around in his brain, as he describes it. He had a 194ard cy Cadillac taillight and he had a vision of a bike with that taillight on it and the lines that came out from the taillight ran through the entire motorcycle from front to back. He began working on this bike in earnest ordering the S & S engine and 6 speed transmission up right away.

He says that the bike began to take shape from that taillight as he manufactured each piece as he went along to get from the beginning being the back of the bike to the front being the ending, Martin says he only bought the things he had to buy manufacturing each other piece individually. He custom welded that style line from that taillight through the

With his wide range of talents and years of experience in manufacturing and design Martin was ahead of the curve on many of the products that he manufactured early on. Getting a decent custom exhaust for a motorcycle was a problem so he got himself a mandrel pipe bending machine and made his own exhaust and went on to manufacture for other shops and builders finally manufacturing wholesale for the parts and accessories industry, then a larger competitor came along and manufactured the same product cheaper. He moved on to frame design and building and similarly made his mark in that field as well and moved on as well.

A few years back Martin who had been quietly manufacturing wholesale parts for various companies and had also been had fabricating individual one off items for a variety of bike shops who had the benefit of being aware of not only him, and his location but also of his talents to be able to manufacture just about anything from a sketch or recreate a long obsolete part from a photograph. He got the itch to get back into the bike building end of the business saying he had some designs rolling around in his head and the only way he knew how to deal with this was to get it out and build it for real.

Martin says time was short when he decided he wanted to build some bikes and get back into the business having been on the sidelines for all these years so to have something to showcase some of his talents he went out and bought himself a brand new Harley-Davidson to put some of his custom accessories on so he had something to show at the upcoming run

rear fender, oil tank and he hand manufactured the fuel tank and front fender all including that line.

Martin says that although he worked in earnest to finish this bike for the January supershow that following year he did not get the bike finished at that time but did manage to get it done in time for the show in March at the C.N.E. and he put the bike on display and for sale at the show. It was here that we first met Martin and this one of a kind hand built motorcycle.

As you can see much attention has been paid to detail and finishing of this bike and he was very particular when having the Wizzard Custom Paint apply the color to the tins that he accentuate that style line running through the bike. When I asked him about the spoke wheels on the bike as opposed to the billet wheels you would expect Martin explained that billet are a very personal preference and accordingly expensive and he felt that the standard laced wheels could be more readily replaced by a potential buyer.

He went on to say that as a builder he would be willing to change just about anything on a bike that he was selling to suit a prospective buyer saying we can change just about anything that a buyer might want but he if there were so many changes he says it would make more sense to build a whole new bike from an idea. Having said that Martins says there are at least two more concepts rattling around in his brain that he needs to get out but he needs to sell this one to finance the next big idea.

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 29

Biker Church with Pastor Dave Neals

Too Many Great Ideas Owner: Martin H. City: Cobourg, ON General Year & Make: New Custom Model: FXR Assembly by: M.C.C. Value: Loaded Time: 1 Year Engine Year: New Model: S & S Builder: S & S Displacement: 80 C.I. Lower end: S & S Pistons: S & S Rods: S & S Flywheels: S & S Balancing: S & S Cylinders: S & S Cases: S & S Heads: S & S Valves: S & S Cam: S & S Lifters: S & S Ignition: Points/Condenser Coils/Wires: S & S Carb: S & S Air Cleaner: S & S Pipes: M.C.C. Transmission Year: 1999 Type: Dyna Modifications: to fit FXR Shifting: Foot Clutch: Barnett Gears: Jims 6 Speed Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Burnt Orange Painter: Wizzard Special Paint: True Flames Frame Builder: D5 Manufacturing Type: FXR Rake: 38’ Stretch: 1”

Swing Arm: Custom M.C.M. Other Alterations: Softail Seat Hieght Rear Suspension: Progressive Accessories Handlebars: M.C.M. Risers: M.C.M. Ignition Switch: H-D Controls: Chrome H-D Turn Signals: L.E.D. Seat: M.C.M. Tailight: 49 Cadillac Oil Tank: M.C.M. Gas Tank: M.C.M. Front Pegs: Chrome Billet Foot Controls: Chrome Billet Electrics: Badlands Grips: M.C.M. Mirror: Billet Teardrop Headlight: Chrome Billet Speedometer: Drag Specialties Primary Cover: H-D Front End Type: Deuce Year: *New* Builder: M.C.M. Extension: None Triple Trees: M.C.M. Special Features: Billet,. Painted to Match Wheels Front Size: 21” Type: Laced Tire: Avon Brake: G.M.A. Billet Fender: M.C.M. Rear Size: 18” Type: Laced Tire: Avon 200 Brakes: G.M.A. Billet Fender: M.C.M. Fender Struts: Internal M.C.M. Model: Hillary

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I just finished reading a book today wrote by Michael (Bull) Roberts called The Tender Heart of a Beast. Found I had trouble putting this book down as I read I could relate some my life similar to his... I too grew up with asthma & hay fever, had problems playing sports and after my fellow class mates having to take me rather than picking me caused many problems at school. I can remember myself and another boy use to get beaten up on a regular basis at school but by grade 4 or 5 we were a pair not to be teased, talking badly to us a definite wrong thing to do. I can remember the guys who would pick on us stayed as far away as possible but now the ones in lower grade they came to us for protection. I can remember the office well till the day we got hauled in for beating up on a guy that had caused us many problems and was still causing problems for others. We really did a number on him that day and now we stood in front of a principle that was going to show us discipline.After John received his 40th hit of that strap on his hand he simply clenched his fist and laid that guy out on his desk. They called the ambulance and we were kicked out for 3 weeks. I didn’t get it there but my mom a school teacher herself looked after it when I got home.

As I entered high school things didn’t improve a whole lot but also got involved Dusters Car Club and then with Satan’s Choice and the biker world, did pot, domestics, collections, etc. My life became involved with working to make money, then either working on cars or bikes or partying all weekend. At that time my “shovel head” was my nightmare, often not starting, often having to leave it to coming back to find it either sitting their burden with parking tickets or finding the compound it had been taken to. I thought it was a great life being almost broke by Monday and a head I thought would blow up with a drop of a pin.

Along came marriage to a great girl who has stuck it out with me over the last 43 years. I must say for the first 30 I do not know why or how, not being home on the weekends, the club, the parties etc but yes she managed but things did get better. She went to meeting and the next night was my turning point I never expected God would deal with me the way he did. It was not the way they taught us at The United Church when I was young.

Guys and girls that night a strange thing happened, my life changed, that’s right the old ended and the new started. For a couple of years I again got into fights usually winning as I still was a reckoning force hard to contain and numerous found they had to use numbers if they were going to win. But that night The Man brought me to my knees to correct my travel. Just like I was travelling on a wrong road and he gave me directions and placed me on the right road. That night he gave me a prayer that took all past sins away, it was like I was carrying a burden on my back all those years and that night he took it. I didn’t have to give up anything. He just gave me a new direction on a new road. Since that date I have changed many things but still have attain my old friend s and many more new ones.

The garbage I carried inside my body became heavy and stinky and that day came when I decided it was time to get rid of the garbage. It’s much like for a long period of time you don’t clean your house, what happens? It starts to stink and then you are forced to get rid of that trash. It becomes a time when the dishes are piling up, the ants are carrying away the food particles, the clothes are standing by themselves; it becomes a time to clean and when you are done cleaning you have a pile of trash to go to the road. Then along comes the garbage truck and the garbage is removed. The driver of that garbage truck is “God”...

I now have cleaned my body of those demons, burdens etc and then along comes my friend directs me to a position serving you guys as your pastor. I still can remember the day Sunny called and asked when could I be there and as he shared his dream he had of me pastoring bikers across this great country and is pretty much the way our life has been. Each morning I sit at my desk answering emails, arranging appointments or weddings. Often my wife will ask so where today, I thank God for her she is always there by my side, ready to ride, to do another service, to travel to an appointment, an event, or sometimes to say few words of blessing at a ride. We try our best to do all our events etc., sometimes finances just don’t arrive as we depend solely on the Man to provide our finance and I thank all who have supported us over the years. I would like to thank the Riders Mag for printing our advertising and Biker Church articles, JR, JB, Critter, Cookie and anyone out there I am not directly involved with. April the 21st is our 2012 start, hope to see our old and new friends on the road but don’t forget our Bike Blessing May 20th 10:15; Our Show & Shine July 7th, God Bless YouAll. Pastor Dave daveneals@kawarthabikerschurch.com www.kawarthabikerschurch.com

th

Friday 13 , Port Dover, April 2012 I was up early the side streets we were able to get parked. showered and on We gathered up what Mags we had and arm full of ladies t shirts the road by 4:00 AM as I had to pick up some shirts and stuff from the shop Formerly The Flight Deck Pub in Mississauga to be delivered to Tr i s h a t B r a s s Pole’s booth on main St. early, before they got the road blocks up and I wouldn’t be able to get the truck into town.

Yes I drove not rode!

My knee was still a short ways away from allowing me to ride and Petoonia is still languishing at “Spa Bronson” from where (proceeds donated to she will soon emerge better than ever to carry me on our Orangeville Humane Society) adventures in Critter Country.

I had gotten there PRIZES, PRIZES, PRIZES, MOLSON’S SPONSORED EVENT in the nick of time as the barricades were appearing on GOOD the street faster TIMES than Cops at a Outdoor Beer Garden & Live Music biker event and I The Deck Pub & Grill made my way The Deck Pub & Grill back down the street and headed to the cottage 519-941-6555 where Sr. was up a n d about and ready for a busy day in Port Dover.

WHY TAKE YOUR LAST RIDE IN A CADILLAC JR and JB were also up and at ‘em and JR showed WHEN YOU CAN GO ON A HARLEY ? off his legendary culinary skills and put together an amazing breakfast for us.

We formulated our strategies and Sr. and I went off in his truck with JR and JB to arrive later on his Decker.

It was busy indeed and parking spots for a pickup truck were hard to find but after a brief search down

The Deck Pub & Grill

Spring 2012

Sunday June 3, 2012

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Friday 13 , Port Dover, April 2012 from previous events as we were unable to find sufficient sponsors in time to do them for this event but will go full bore in July.

A short walk up towards Main St., we encountered the first of many friendly and familiar faces we would see throughout the day.

The amazing Jennifer (Still recovering from a serious accident from last year.) with the dazzling smile and too many other attributes to list, came hobbling towards me on her crutch.

I was handed a beer (What a life!) and led down the driveway

where her man Ray stood beaming over their new Harley that they came to town on from Havelock.

We hung out there for a while before making our way up to main Street and set up in front of The Royal Bank to get rid of what Mags we had.

There were several ladies anxious to take away our shirts and we were on a roll.

We went back up the street to Angelo’s where I left Sr. and took a tour through the crowded streets of Port Dover.

The sounds of thousands motorcycles, music and many voices filled the air and blended with the exhaust fumes, and the aroma of many different foods made available by vendors and the many restaurants and bars that line the streets to form a heady, intoxicating mixture that tells you in no uncertain terms that this is Port Dover and this is Friday the 13th.

Another thing that has become a constant here are the hordes of Cops who, like locusts,

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Friday 13 , Port Dover, April 2012 descend on the town to do traffic duty (Which can at times seem be a losing battle. But they are if nothing else, persistent and try to maintain some kind of control over the masses of people and bikes.) patrol and sometimes just needlessly harass some attendees for what seems to be no other reason than they can or it gives them some sort of pride or sense of power over the people who come here and they can assert their authority.

Such seems to be the case when Ya Ya, a member of The Renegades MC while sitting in the Tim Horton’s parking lot where he inadvertently and accidentally dropped his cigarettes on the ground.

Now Ya Ya who carries a cane due to foot problems and no longer moves that fast, had all intentions of picking them up, as he hadn’t just decided to quit smoking and was ridding himself of the demon cigarettes then and there, apparently didn’t pick them up fast enough for one cop who immediately set upon him, refused any explanation, and issued a $175.00 ticket for littering.

Really?

Is this kind of thing necessary?

Is this what we as citizens expect from the cops who are well paid to come here?

Is this what this cop considers to be Law enforcement, nipping crime in the bud?

There are many cops in town that didn’t have that chip on their shoulders to compel them to act like a “Goof” as this cop so obviously did.

Unfortunate, really unfortunate and totally unnecessary.

I guess this guy will go home and regale to his wife, family and friends how he stood up right in the face of some evil biker and made the streets of Port Dover a little safer and put the fear of his authority into the evil menace that this (Sorry Ya Ya.) old, worn out biker represents.

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Anyway there were lots of Cops, bikes of all shapes, sizes, makes models and designs with bikers to match.

There were gawkers, hawkers and squawkers, movers and shakers.

There were tons and tons of t shirts, leathers, paintings and pins, hot dogs, hamburgers, ribs, wings, pizza and numerous other goodies to eat and plenty of beer and other refreshments to wash it all down.

The streets were packed all day.

CON’T ON PG 36

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Young Mathew whom we had loaned to us by his lovely mother Lisa, at the Supershow in January was available to us again so I enlisted him as well and we went to work.

My young crew did a great job, handing out Mags leaving me free to wander around visiting advertisers and friends and just getting a feel of the show.

The doors opened, the crowds moved in and it was busy place indeed.

Negotiating my way through on crutches was a challenge at times but I got around OK. Early afternoon, we took a vote and declared that it was lunch break and had just made our way to the beer garden and were about to settle in for a bite to eat when I got the call that Sr. had indeed arrived and was waiting at the door for his pass.

Just the job for a couple of young lads!

They took off and soon returned with Sr. in tow.

It was great to see him.

It has been a treat for me to have worked these shows with him over the past number of years and it just isn’t the same without him.

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We sat awhile regaling each other with stories of our procedures, and ailments, our individual health issues, what treatment we are taking now or which new drug they put us on and what plans we have for future treatment and so on.

Exciting stuff!

We had a lot to catch up on.

We ambled back to the booth where Sr. immediately reclaimed his custom seat (Made special for him by Triple K Upholstery but was too good not to use.) and took charge of things.

The Boss was in the house!

It was fantastic to see him back.

Sr. hung in until around 6:00 and decided that he’d had enough.

So with crowds waning and the pile of Mags depleted sufficiently, Nick and I elected to leave as well and we escorted Sr. out to his truck where we said our goodbyes and headed home.

Mathew said he would look after things in our absence.

The next morning we were up early cleaned up and out the door to find Allan

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) day at the Show and now faced another long day with a grueling pack up at waiting there on time, as promised, fired up and ready to go.

We piled in the “Black Bitch” and headed out, grabbing breakfast on the way the end to look forward to. and got to the show in what was decent time but not quite as early as I would Today the usual chipper and energetic couple looked as if they were part of normally arrive, as I like to allow extra time to move around and get “The Walking Dead”. uncluttered shots of the Show bikes and some displays, which is difficult We left them to their misery. once the doors open.

We ran into some the fine folks from Reinhart Trailers and stopped to talk Nick and I leftAllan at the booth and went off on our photographic mission. awhile.

I knew getting the shots with the crutches would prove to be a challenge so I CONTINUED ON PAGE 42 enlisted Nicks help.

I showed him how to work my Nikon, how I wanted him to frame the shots the way I wanted and what to look for in a shot.

He caught on quickly and we were soon moving through the show getting everything we could on camera and were back to the booth just as the doors opened.

We were just about out of Mags so I sent Nick and Matt out to my truck to bring in 5 bundles that I still hadn’t distributed.

Not much but it would have to do.

We stopped handing them out and just let those who really wanted them to have them.

There are regular and semi-regular readers of the Mag who rely on these shows to pick up their copies.

We decided to go on a tour of the other two halls so Nick and I grabbed my Nikon left Allan in charge and took off in search of new things f o r m y n e w cameraman/bodyguard/wingman/assistant and charmer of ladies, young and old, to experience.

We swung by Black Gold’s massive booth and talked to Gord a while and he was very pleased with the show.

Next we stopped by CJ Cycle from Bolton’s usual enormous booth, chock full of both new and used parts and chrome and other goodies, located at their traditional location for these shows, to find both Tony and his amazing wife Ursula somewhat under the weather.

Tony also is a first rate guitar player and has an excellent band “ W h o ’ s Yo u r 4859 Hillside Dr. Beamsville Daddy?” that do (Mountain St. To Albright Manor east on Hillside) an awesome job and produce a $10 per person entry - Adults Only - No Pets sound that is “Good Old Rock and Roll”! They had played a gig Gates Open at Noon - Judging at 3:00-Awards at 4:30 pm on Saturday night Patches for all exhibitors. Trophies for winners! at a club until the wee hours after More info: 905-563-4267 or e-mail lcmc1967@hotmail.com putting in a long

Harley Davidson

Show & Shine July 7, 2012

At L.C.M.C. Clubhouse Food & Beverages Available

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Friday 13 , Port Dover, April 2012 I made my way around town, mixed and mingled with the masses until my knee told me that it had had enough and it was time to sit awhile.

I still got to visit with the Perfect Pigs at their booth on the way as well as members of the Lincoln County Motorcycle club, Phantom Thunder MC, Outlaws, Black Pistons, Hells Angels, Red Devils and many, many others along the way.

Where better that at Angelo’s where many familiar and friendly folk had gathered and were in full party mode when I finally found my way back..

I found www.actiontrailers.ca 4728 Egremont Dr. Strathroy, ON ( 15 min. west of London ) a spot a t a table There were all the usual ”Please take my picture people!” like with GRIP girls in the “G string dude.” Who, along with the others, just want so abundance who were bad to be a spectacle or one of the “Amazing and colourful quick to scoop up people of Port Dover” that are fodder for the tourists and what “I bared my tits gawkers and just love to pose and have their picture taken and in Port Dover and all I got was this lousy t I absolutely refuse to photograph them.

Maybe it’s just me, but when someone is screaming “Pay s h i r t . ” s h i r t s (however dated) I had left (with the exception of an unusually attention to me because I’m special.” I tend to ignore them. composed and demure Angel. I guess it was the new hair colour.) and I was able to settle in and enjoy a beer or two and the company of those who have become good friends over the years and whom it is a real pleasure to spend time with. Pretend 50 and everything!

Thanks! You all make it special.

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Friday 13 , Port Dover, April 2012 I was soon joined by JB and Larry, then Sr. and JR appeared and we partied on for a while until Sr. declared it was time for dinner.

We made our way slowly down the street as we have to stop and talk to this one and that one either individually or collectively along the way.

It can take a while.

George Winney from Forever Free Motorcycle Hearse had his attention grabbing hearse parked out on Main St. and you can’t walk past him without stopping in to talk awhile.

We eventually made it down to the Erie Beach Restaurant and enjoyed a fantastic meal in this beautiful establishment that exudes style, class and comfort and the service and courtesy is only surpassed by the food, which is over the top.

Yes they do serve 50 but that has absolutely no bearing on my love of this place.

It has been the traditional dinner spot for our crew for the last bunch of years and I look forward to coming

back.

It was now approaching 7:00 PM and it was time to call it a day.

We made it back to where Sr.’s truck was parked JR and JB headed to their bike and we all headed back to the cottage where I was told a box of cold 50 awaited me.

We talked long into the night, drank several or ten of the 50 that had been so kindly bought for me then faded off to bed.

I have heard the official tallies of the attendance at Port Dover that day and my estimation differs somewhat. I usually have found that if you divide the numbers given by the media by 3 and subtract that number from the number being toted you come up with a bit more believable number.

Whatever!

There were a whole lot of bikes bikers and other people in Port Dover that day!

It was fun!

The weather was great!

What more do you want?

See you in July and we’ll do it all over again!

For an online library of this and other columns and cartoons along with an archive of pictures from events covered by Critter check out www.rickdavis.ca.

10 10

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THE MAMMARY’S OF FRIDAY 13TH, APRIL 2012 PORT DOVER ONTARIO

JOKE PAGE how strong you get, when you bite your own nuts !!"...

A guy traveling through the USA on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the Canadian Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy. "Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent. "But I can prove I'm a Canadian!" he exclaimed."I have a picture of Celine Dion tattooed on one side of my butt and Shania Twain on the other." "This I got to see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. "By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent."Have a safe trip back to Toronto " Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Ontario ? "The agent replied,"I recognized Dalton McGuinty in the middle."

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning Sisters." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you the wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you and may God be with you." But again after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary, I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, good morning, Mother Superior, I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong?" I have tried to be pleasant but three times already today people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

“Turtle” I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that the police don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category. This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg , TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt. The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family

any unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Texas police do care.

“Turtle” Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.

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Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go at it.

Today is International Nutters Day. Please send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I’ve done. I don’t care if you lick CONTINUED ON PAGE 43

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Ladies and their Harley’s

Our first feature lady of the year is Sharon, and she took up riding about 10 years ago and has never looked back. Neither Sharon nor her husband were riders, and she says there was no family history although she says that her husband Will had done some dirt bike riding way back but had a near terminal accident and never considered riding again.

Sharon says that they just decided that they should take up riding and although he is considerably taller than she is they agreed to buy a bike that they could both ride and take a rider training course at Niagara college and take up riding. She says they got a 250 c.c. metric that was small enough for her to ride but still big enough for him to ride.

After completing the rider training course and obtaining his motorcycle license her husband went on to upgrade to a Shadow Vtwin motorcycle, Sharon continued to ride the small metric bike and practice. Shortly after that Will decided that he wanted a Harley and traded his metric in on his first Harley-Davidson a used Wide Glide.

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It was decided that they needed an appropriate place to store their motorcycles so as a quality time project they decided to build a shed to store their bikes in, and was told that the first version was not nearly as big or nice as the one that was standing on the property when I visited to do this shoot.

She says it was so low that when he wanted to ride the bike into the storage shed he had to lay down on the tank to get his head in and then had a challenge getting off the bike.

Over time they moved to a larger storage shed that more closely resembles a Harley-Davidson condominium, husband now on his third Harley, a used Road King. Sharon got her black Sportster brand new in 1998, and she says that it was his decision to get her the bike right after she had passed her M license test at the ministry. She had held onto her M1 license for the full 5 years allowed and then went on to get her license, she says they even made her

Ladies and their Harley’s Her husband and a friend had been horsing around with her bike and started to drill holes into a few things on the bike for the looks including the brake rotors and the pulley cover on the back of the transmission and their conversation turned to the 1200 kit for the engine. Sharon says that she had been riding for a couple of years at that point and was quite comfortable with the bike and agreed to send the bike to the dealer for the installation of a 1200 kit.

The kit was installed over the winter removing the barrels, heads, rocker boxes and pistons from the original 883 and replacing them with 1200 parts.

The new parts were ordered with black paint on the barrels to replace the original blonde parts that were on the bike and worked quite nicely with the blacked out theme she had been working on for a number of years.

Sharon says she has the original barrels, pistons, heads, rocker boxes and the upgraded clutch that came with the 1200 kit saying that was left out as it was thought that she may find it too difficult to pull the clutch lever in beside the factory clutch was still in good condition. As for additional changes she says that she's considering blacking out those chrome rocker boxes, put a shorter set of blacked out shocks on the back. ride on the Q.E.W. with that little 250 c.c. to show proficiency.

When she got the Sportster she says the bike had to be black and he wanted her to get a 1200 c.c. but Sharon says she was a little apprehensive about the larger engine and settled on the 883 instead. When the bike rolled out of Clare’s it had the solo seat and the slip on straight pipes on it and it was equipped with mid controls and the stock flat track style bars on it.

As you can see Sharon has made a number of changes and upgrades to the bike over the first three years she owned the bike saying that a number of the things that came blonde on the bike have been removed and powder coated black including some covers and the signal lights, horn and clutch cover.

Sharon also had the controls changed from mid controls to forward controls, ordered a new rear fender and had it painted to match as well as having ghost skulls airbrushed onto it and repositioning her blacked out license plate bracket onto the rear fender strut, as well as finally finding a blacked out flush mount gas tank cap saying she bought four of them before she finally found one that would fit in the stock tank of her 2008 Sportster.

As for riding experiences I got a no for pretty much every one of my stock questions when it came to riding. Doesn't attend poker runs, doesn't do cruise nights, doesn't go on long rides, she even said the furthest she had ever ridden the bike was to Port Dover. They like to go for rides in the evening after work towards Niagara on the lake and maybe up the parkway, she says often she doesn't even know where they are let alone where they are going she just follows.’

So my next question was, well then I guess this ride ain't got too much mileage on it then huh? Nope she says only about 15,000 kms, hmmm at that time she had been riding three years so was averaging about 5000 km’s per riding season and never took a long ride or went further than Port Dover so wherever she's been following her husband they been doing some riding for sure.

We did this shoot in early spring 2011 and Sharon had had to take a second part time job to try to offset the loss of hours as her husband had been cut back by about a dozen hours a week due to the state of the economy so she was somewhat concerned about how much riding she might get in since then, I don't know but if she ever gets around to riding a lot I'd be curious to how much that is.

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) They are thrilled with their new location having moved from the spot that they had occupied for years to a spot a bit further north Hwy 10.Moe from The Fort Erie Swap Meet had a table of parts set up and he stopped me to make sure we would be coming to their annual must attend event on May 6th.

I told him that Sr. and I had already discussed it and made plans to be there, that had even progressed to the point where we had determined where we would eat breakfast and who would be paying.

It was slow and steady with us stopping all along the way to talk to this one and that one; Nick ever vigilant for a photo op, seemed to have already caught on that pretty girls were big on our list of acceptable photographic material and was doing a fine job with no prompting whatsoever.

At one point I stopped to check out a helmet. I handed him my crutches and then to try on the crutches I had to take off my hat.

I placed it on his head and tried on the helmet.

There he stood with my hat, my camera slung around his neck and holding my crutches.

“Aaaaarrrrrr!” He exclaimed. “I’m turning into you!”

He was an absolute delight and really made this show very special for me.

By the time we finished our tour my knee was throbbing and let me know that I needed to sit, my stomach was telling me that I needed something to eat and my throat was saying beer me, so we stumbled into the beer garden and lo and behold, we could check off the entire list right here!

Nick added carrier/gofer to his list of accreditations and we settled in for a well-deserved break.

Refreshed and revitalized we moved off and found our way back to the booth to find that we were now totally out of Mags and Allan had taken the opportunity to do some shopping as well.

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We just sat for a while and as usual there was no shortage of fine folks who found us and it was a continuous gabfest.

Being right next to Mr. Hank is a treat in itself as he has some terrific and sometimes rare and unusual stuff mixed in with some really weird stuff but he has a lot of stuff and every time I looked over I saw something that I hadn’t seen before.

He has everything from old records, signage, posters and pictures, movies to motorcycle collectables and everything in between. Eclectic, comes close to describing his collection. Interesting to be sure, just like the man himself, interesting, and fun.

He has some great stories, a wonderful attitude and a mischievous twinkle in his eye that tells you that life around Hank isn’t dull.

We were also blessed with the presence of the Hooters booth being directly to the right of Mr. Hank’s booth and the Hooters girls and Hank had struck up a really nice relationship and they joked back and forth throughout the show which made for a nice time.

The day flew by and it was soon time to make my way to the stage area to cover the awards ceremonies, leavingAllan and Nick to tear down the booth and load everything into the “Black Bitch”.

I discovered that they weren’t quite ready to go yet so and had time to grab a quick beer (No! They don’t carry 50.) and I had just sat down to enjoy it when CONTINUED ON PAGE 47

JOKE PAGE windows, interfere with farm animals or occasionally shit yourself.

You hang in there cup cake, you’re fucking special to somebody!

Just look at you smiling “Turtle A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself." So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed. The Store Hours: girl finished her bath and Mon. - Fri. : 10:00 - 6:00 Saturday: 10:00 - 3:00 went to bed. Later that Closed: Sunday night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said.

"You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!" Turtle

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovere d his boys were no longer aching.

The doctor said," How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?" The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your rubber boots."

“Turtle” The sex between the wife and me had been a bit unsatisfying of late, so she told me, "Go to the pharmacy and get some of those pills that will help you to get an erection." You can imagine her reaction when I came back from the drug store and tossed her the diet pills! ......almost got me killed!

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 46 The testicles of a Newfoundland midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to www.rnrcustomcycle.com cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor once more, Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service and reached for his surgical scissors. SnipComplete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order snip-snip-snip on the right side ... then snipHarley Davidson Trained P.H.D. Mechanic snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

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DANNI’S TIMES The National Motorcycle Show was a total success. It was a different venue and changes were welcome. The line-ups for Tattoo’s were unbelievable.

Walking down the aisle several times, I was given the chance to see so many old acquaintances just sitting getting inked with a smile...

As I spoke with them, they had always wanted to go and have one done but really never knew who to go to. Came into the Show and found some-one to do one... The rest of the story is a fabulous tattoo. Motorcycles and Tattoo’s ride so well together...

The Load Out Stay by Jackson Browne Now the seats are all empty Let the roadies take the stage

work..

Saturday and Sunday were busy. Every show you are at, it’s a given you will see that special person that has not been around in a while, sometimes not for years. I glanced up from the booth and saw Soulman standing in front of me...I believe a lot of people remember him, he was with ABATE for years.

Well now, Soulman has a new family with proud pictures of a new son just a couple some of months old... Had a lot of fun riding with him, shared many cups of coffee and handed out many bottles of water to the street people downtown Toronto. We all enjoyed seeing him... Presently is now up in the Yukon with two churches and loving every moment with his new son... Hope to see you in the summer, Soulman.

Pack it up and tear it down Today the people were so fine

Friday, the 13th in April brought a lot of sunshine and happy Bikers being able to ride and celebrate...in Port Dover. The morning was cold. Real cold.

It was a situation of looking up in the sky and not believing those weather people and their predictions that it was going to be a sunny day.. even having four layers on, still did not elude the shaking feeling..

But it opened up and around 10 am the sun started to shine and warmth followed..

Cause when that morning sun comes beating down You`re going to wake up in your town

Our Club won club display at The show...I would like to thank Jen and Jim for the great bike in our display..Thanks to Carol, Jen, Jim, Darlene, April and Karen for your hard work..and to Rhona for the great behind the scenes

I also knew I would see Bathtub with his friends from Brantford if not walking around, you will find him socializing in the bar. Looking for someone in a show is not easy, look in the bar. This is the hub for a lot of the bikers looking for each other...Yes; I did find him there with Willard…Just have to know the magic spot...

They waited there in line And when they got up on their feet they made the show Cause when it comes to moving me You know you girls are the champs

I think of Friday, the 13th in Port Dover as a free dinner show... Don’t believe for a moment I am the only one with this belief because looking at the corner down from the bridge and all the chairs placed with people sitting in them to watch the collection of motorcycles as they ride by with the sounds of pipes providing music that is enjoyed by all...

Bikers come in all sizes. Little ones, medium ones, tall ones...Dogs are also along for the day...

Children just looking at the hustle of all the grownups tucked into this tiny little town...I managed to walk up Main Street and it took forever to reach the park... One way you look, someone you knew, and then another way an awesome bike parked, it was entertaining....

Fashion you say, well the runway was Main St. and if you wanted to be different it was shown here how to be. On The Fringe was so busy people were lined outside hoping to get in…

Better than any dinner show I have seen advertised…

Till those lights come up and we hear that crowd And we remember why we came I walked around Claire’s on the pier and who did we meet? But John Claire himself selling tickets on a Harley. John said, “wouldn’t one of you Ladies look great on the back of this new Harley? Well, the Ladies suddenly came back with, “John, you of all people should know, Ladies ride in both seats now...”

This is when John came back with the greatest smile... and you knew this was the smile that sold many Harley’s in his days... John‘s remark was, if you Ladies ride.. Then you should purchase a ticket.” Great salesman and he did sell a couple of tickets. .that smile...worked...

We`ve got rural scenes & magazines We`ve got motorcycles all over It was really great to see the Hero’s Highway Ride parked at the south east corner of the gas station... These boys rode in the cold and in no time the tent was set up... Immediately, they were surrounded. .Please put June 2nd on your calendar. Check out - www.heroeshighwayride.com I was worried about Hoover’s hands, they were cold, but he did mention something about a magic remedy. .I need to find out…. Policemen,

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DANNI’S TIMES Firemen, you name the person they all surrounded the tent just pouring out their comments of what an amazing event that these Bikers were organizing.

I must remind you, they have ride patches for sale and all proceeds go to the Veterans. .Once they are gone .they are gone... each year there will be different ones. These are the patches to collect on your vest…They are now collector’s items. .In Dover, Lou and The Perfect Pigs were just selling them so fast…Every bikers vest needs to have one. It shows respect…

Peter Mackay has said, ``All they have done on our behalf must be recognized and our country must be prepared to give back. `` Or you can pull us through Come along and sing the song You know you can`t go wrong

Rhona arrived around 10am and she had to first go to the booth to make sure she had their patch for her vest and to say hi, to these phenomenal Bikers who we believe represent the Motorcycle Community and who enable on June 2nd, all the Motorcyclists in every province who choose to join in here, in Ontario, to ride for all of our Military...This is the day, we the Motorcycle community deliver our message of thanks….

We got time to think of the ones we love While the miles roll away

Leaders like Lou DeVuono and The Perfect Pigs getting out there promoting their ride... has helped a lot in programs like this being put forward. Thanks, gentlemen for your endless effort... it`s helping a lot of veterans now..And my brother is one of them.

People stay just a little bit longer We want to ride a little longer

Rides like the Hero's Highway Ride wake up the community in so many different ways. .Riding does need leaders, like Lou Devino and The Perfect Pigs. I want to share some really important news with you... The Federal Government will provide 113 million dollars to prop up benefits to ill and injured veterans. Ill and injured Veterans and members of The Canadian Forces will now be able to focus on what matters most: their recovery, their families and their future.

The changes mean in plain English, the Veterans will have an increase in their monthly pension which was not been a huge amount to begin with.

This will bring a better quality of life for them.

People you got the power over what we do You can sit there and wait

Our Military deserve nothing less. These changes will benefit up to 2,000 personnel...

A special congrats to Miss April, Miss Carol, Miss Darlene on their Lady Bike of 2012Award...

We will see you in MountAlbert.

We will see all of you on June 2nd….at CFB Trenton...

The Smoke out is June 9th Bikers Church Hamilton is holding their Swap Meet and Motorcycle Information day at Victory International Church in the parking area..on April 21st..will keep you posted on the great turn out...

One more song. .One more ride…

Ride Safe DANNI

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Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?' Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'

When the husband finally died, his wife put the death notice in the paper,

to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was.'

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket .. They hear a faint moan. They opened the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'

She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon..

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.'

I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be STOREWIDE crying?'

She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'

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kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me....I CONTINUED ON PAGE 54

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Jeff Burgess and his lovely lady came by for a visit. Jeff I’ve found out is now also a Mag staffer as JR has commandeered him into service as one of our highly regarded distribution agents.

We talked until an increase in movement on the stage and the appearance of Barr, Heady, Peter and crew told me that things were about to start.

I stole the chair from the beer garden with Jeff’s help and positioned myself in the centre of photographer’s row where I remained for the duration of the awards.

The last awards were handed out with pictures taken.

I got a couple of shots of the winners with their winning entries and made my way to the exit where my crew waited patiently.

Nick and Allan had proved once again that they were up to the task at hand and had everything loaded and ready for the trip home.

It was a good show, with lots to see and do. I got the chance to talk to many great people who are our loyal readers, advertisers and supporters.

I got to spend some time with valued friends like Allan who volunteer to help out and to spend some incredibly valuable time and share some experiences with my Grandson Nick.

It was time grab some dinner, drop Allan and Nick off and head for home myself, to check out the damage that I’d done to myself, (Knee had leaked through my dressing. “This can’t be good.” I thought.) relaxed with Godzilla and the Wonder dogs awhile with a glass or two of rum and relive it all again to Godzilla with stories of what had happened, who I saw over the weekend and a ton of “Nick stories”. She listens before taking me to emerge to check out my soggy dressing.

It was a great weekend.

Headrush Chopper, $100; Specials; Best Club Display in Show, Brampton Motorcycle Association, """Go Battalion""" $100; Best Individual Display in Show, Christian Rivard, """Sparticus""" $200; Best Plating, Rene Methot,

Level 2 -All Classes Vintage Asian Street, Ed Petronis, 1983 Honda CBF1100F, $100; Vintage European, Farruccio Gazzola, 1967 Gilera Strada, $100; Vintage Competition Road Racing, George Oiegar, 1955 Parrila 250, $100; Vintage Competition Dirt Racing, MB Vintage Racing, 1978 Suzuki RM125, $100; Vintage Scooter, Keef Williams, 1959 Lambretta, $100; V-Max, Jim Rodgers, 1997 V-Max, $100; Domestic Touring, Rob Durisin, 2009 Harley-Davidson StreetGlide, $100; Goldwing, Donald Guppy, 2008 Goldwing, $100; Trike, Josh Desroches, 2000 Dyna Wide Glide, $100; Asian Touring, Rick Edwards, 2002 Yamaha V-Star, $100; Street, Neil Strath, 2000 Harley-Davidson Sportster, $100; Asian Sport Bike, Patrik Paletar, 2004 Honda CBR1000, $100; European Sportbike, Patrik Paletar, 2008 Ducati, $100; European Sport per-2000, Dukes of Cycle, 1998 Ducati 748-1099S, $100; Pro Street, Stunters Inc., 2009 Kawasaki ZX-14, $100; MV Agusta, Dukes of Cycle, 2011 MV Agusta, $100; Drag Bike, Rob Brown, 2010 Nitro Harley, $100; Radical, Headrush, 2010

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) """Dream Trike""" $50; Best Engraving, Wayne Burgess, """Nancy""" $100; Best Bodywork, Fred Vaillancourt, """Blade""" $100; Best Engine, Steve Schuller, """Speeding Billet""" , $100; Best Seat, Christian Rivard, ""Sparticus"""$50; Best Exhaust, Rob Durisin, Orange Roadglide, $100; Best Detail, Steve Schuller, """Speeding Billet""" $100; Best Use of Colour, Alain Panneton, """Samahain""", $100; Best Sign, Christian Rivard, """Sparticus""", $50; Best Engineering, Steve Schuller, """Speeding Billet""", $100; Best Paint, Alain Panneton; """Samahain""" $100; Best Artwork, EMAIL FOR A FREE QUOTE Christian Rivard """Sparticus""", $50 jconnery@rogers.com Best Metalwork, Scarborough ON Konstantine' """Penny or John 1-800-305-1797 Saved""", $100; Best www.connerycustompaint.com Inducti

on, Rene Methot """Dream Trike""" $100; Best Wheels, Fred Vaillancourt, """Blade""" $100; Best Vintage Bike in Show' Ed Petronis, 1983 Honda CBF1100F, $100; Best Level 2 Bike in Show, Rob Durisin, 2009 Harley-Davidson StreetGlide, $100; Level 3 Builders Class; Top 10, Wayne Burgess, """Nancy""", $250; Konstantine """Penny Saved""" $250; Rene Methot; """DreamTrike""" $250; Konstantine, Indian Larry Tribute Bike, $250; Konstantine """Miss Treated""", $250; Rob Durisin, Orange Roadglide, $250; 4th Place, Christian Rivard, """Sparticus""" "$1,000 "; 3rd Place, Alain Panneton, """Samahain""", "$1,500 "; 2nd Place, Steve Schuller, """Speeding Billet""" "$2,500 "; 1st Place - Best Bike in Show, Rat Shop, """Blade""" "$5,000 “ The National Motorcycle Show – 2012

There are Motorcycle Shows and there are MOTORCYLE SHOWS. This is a MOTORCYCL E SHOW. This is the oldest show around and although it has seen many changes over the years it still maintains its d i s t i n c t p e r s o n a l i t y, flavor and feel.

It has grit and character that goes beyond shiny custom paint, chrome and superficial glitz.

It has soul!

It remains a true representation to the bikers who came here CONT PG 50

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) from the beginning and those who make it happen.

I’ve been coming to the shows down here since maybe the first one.

I’m not sure anymore because I’m old and forgetful, but I’m not old or forgetful enough to forget that this show rocks!

Always has and always will!

Others have come along and may be bigger and done things to suit their own purposes and in their own style and done it well but no one can duplicate the chemistry that has been created here.

I was here when they held it at the Coliseum it was a treat then it is a treat now.

It set the standards for other similar shows that would follow.

I remember that I’d gotten a tattoo to cover up a really old (My first) tattoo at that show.

Squirrel did a great dragon that still holds up today which is more than I can say about the dragon (Done by someone else.) on my other arm. Perhaps

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another cover-up is due soon?

Anyhow, like that tattoo that has stood the test of time so has Bob and Carol and they have done an amazing job over the past 31 years and show no signs of stopping!

They have endured and in doing so, have endeared themselves to the Motorcycling Community.

The show has been moved from building to building with the move from the Coliseum to the Automotive building and now to the Better Living Building which is the current home for the show and still managed to be true to its roots.

For some bikers; this is still the only show that they attend.

For many, this Show is the traditional and official proclamation that spring is here and the new riding season can now begin!

It has the swap meet quotient, that for some is the main reason to come and many can’t wait for it to happen because it is at this show that many projects have come together with that one last vital part that they were looking for being acquired here.

Then there is the very popular used bike auction.

This year they brought back tattooing as a major part of the show with (I’m told.) some 200 artists set up and booked solid for the entire weekend.

I saw some wicked ink being applied during my walk through.

I had met JR and Sr. down here on Friday as I had all the main components for the booth with me and JR had the Mags.

I unloaded the “Black Bitch” at our spot and I’d had just moved her outside and was making my way back to the building when JR pulled up.

I had lost the crutches but still needed the cane for reassurance and to keep me upright and moving, as my knee, while improving, still left a lot to be desired.

I had come prepared and I had brought a small ladder to put up the banner but with JR now on the scene with his height it made it unnecessary.

He looked after the passes and parking permits while Sr. and I took care of the finishing touches to the booth.

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) We were in and out and on our way on to other things within the hour.

It was a piece of cake!

My Grandson Nick was to have come along again this time but other stuff came up for him and he baled.

Sr. was to come on Saturday but not until later and JR. does what JR does………the late shift.

I would be a solo act for much of the show.

I was up early and on the move stopping for a great breakfast and arriving at the show in plenty of time to secure a good parking spot and make my way in with plenty of time to spare before the doors opened.

We had some great neighbours with the OCC (Ontario Confederation of Clubs) directly to our right, next to them was Nash from Leather King, Tim and Tina from Triple K Upholstery kitty corner to us and right across the aisle………Mr. Hank! Then just down the aisle a little further were The Hooters Girls!

We were in good company!

Not to mention being in close proximity to the beer garden and washrooms.

Bob and Carol really know how to assign booth spaces.

I was on my own for the morning and managed to hold down the fort until Sr. arrived around 1:00.

Just before his arrival, having made a huge dent in our supply of Mags and being thirsty and hungry and being the only member of the Riders Mag on duty I made and executive call and determined that it was time for a trip to the beer garden. Having no seconder for the motion and no dissenting votes, the motion was passed and carried.

I grabbed my camera and cane and covered the 100 yards or so in a flash.

I found my pal Dudley the bartender who has been a fixture at these shows for years and his smiling face is always a welcome sight.

The beer (No not 50!) was cold and felt good going down.

I was about to get something to eat when I looked up at spotted Sr. in the booth and went to get him.

The rebuild and modification appeared to be going well as he was moving and looking better than the last time I’d seen him just over two weeks ago.

We went back to the beer garden together found something to eat and drink and again compared notes on health, wealth and everything in between.

It was a great time sitting there talking.

Many friends that we’ve made over the years continually stopped by the table to say hello.

This is more than a Motorcycle Show it is a social event and the beer garden is the hub.

There is always a large Club presence at this show and though there is never an issue or any trouble, with them come the “Copperatzi” who made their presence known as they had set up right inside of the main doors with their cameras to make sure they got the latest updates for their photo album of any Club member as they arrived. Kind of like having a bad case of hemorrhoids Biker style!

It was a busy day to be sure and by the time JR arrived for his shift Sr. was ready to go home and me not far behind.

JR and I had much to discuss so we just hung out at the booth to talk and field the constant stream of people wanting to say hi.

The crowd was thinning considerably when I finally said I was leaving and made my way to the exit, found the Black Bitch and headed for home.

It was a long but enjoyable day.

Sunday marked the last day of this show and the last of our major indoor shows for the year.

I was up early, showered, shaved dressed and on the road. I just grabbed an Egg McMuffin and a coffee at McDonalds on the way out of Newmarket and

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) hit the 404.

Good weather, traffic was light and I made good time.

I knew from past experience that they wouldn’t let us in before 9:00 AM but I had 5 bundles of Mags in the truck that we would need to replenish our quickly vanishing stock at the booth so I stopped by the back entrance to just drop the Mags off before parking the truck.

Several volunteers took pity on the old fart with the cane (Maybe I’ll just keep the cane thing going!) and did the slugging for me and piled them by the door for furtherance to the booth. Many thanks to all!

I found a great parking spot designed for a fast escape route at shows end and made my way to the back doors and joined a quickly expanding throng of vendors and such who were now waiting patiently (And some not so patiently.) for them to let us in.

In the group were a couple of members of the Perfect Pigs MC who were, as it happens, manning the OCC booth right next door to our booth. And being the respectful and kind hearted souls that they are volunteered to carry the bundles of Mags to the booth for the poor old fart with the cane.

I may never give up carrying this fucking cane!

Thank you………thank you very much!

After all it was a gift from my good friend Gord from Black Gold, it is unique and looks good and you never know when a long hunk of high impact plastic that looks like a menacing Dragon might come in handy.

If nothing else it gives me something to lean on and goes well with the Dragon theme on myself and Petoonia.

As is my habit, I went around getting shots of all the bikes before the doors opened.

This can be a long process as I usually stop and talk as I make my way through and with only five bundles of Mags left but they were opened and the booth was functioning as self-serve, there was really no pressure to rush back so off I went knowing that when I did get back I could get right to

work and hand out Mags until the piles were sufficiently diminished that I knew they would all easily be gone by the end of the day.

I just wandered, shot some pics, shot some shit here and there and just enjoyed the day, the show and the company and admired some great looking bikes that ranged from mild to wild, custom to classic, vintage to beyond modern and everything and anything in between.

There were some great displays of artistry in iron, custom paint and loads of chrome. There were antique bikes, vintage bikes, rare bikes, extremely rare bikes, trikes, bikes for tykes and firefighting bikes. Literally there was something for everybody who was interested in bikes at all.

I also picked up on a gorgeous model early that afternoon.

Actually I’d kind of spotted her the day before, just a brief glimpse of long blonde hair, long legs , clad in leather, but she was moving too fast or I was moving too slow (I couldn’t figure out to hit a higher gear on my cane!) and I got distracted and wasn’t able to track her down……….until now!

Actually she wouldn’t have been that hard to find if I’d applied myself as she was in the aisle directly behind our booth at the Lucas Oil/JH Custom Cycle booth. She would have been hard to miss under normal circumstances but a girl this attractive does tend to draw a crowd and that probably had obstructed my view and foiled my normally keen Roving Reporter senses that usually alert me to a treasure such as this.

Wow! I caught her standing still and moved in and introduced myself and convinced her that she should come with me and I’d shoot her on some of the custom bikes.

Her name was Paige and she was incredible!

She got permission from the fine folks that brought her here, and we were off.

I knew right where to take her. RNR Custom Cycles as usual had some great looking bikes on display with one bike in particular that I wanted to photograph her on.

YEAH I’M TO FUCKIN LAZY TO PICK UP THE RIDERS MAG MAIL ME A YEARS WORTH FOR THE COST OF POSTAGE CANADA: $27.00 CDN, U.S.A.: $30.OO U.S.D. INTERNATIONAL: $60.00 CDN

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Page 52

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) I checked with owner Ryan to make sure it was OK and went to work. I shot her first on Jakester a fantastic looking monoshock Buell that was such a contrast with this tall, long legged lady sitting on this short, low slung bike.

We shot with other bikes in his little coral before moving on over to where Steve Schuller from Industrial Custom Cycle had his usual incredible display of show winning bikes that included his own Speeding Billet that has always been a winner at all the shows and a definite crowd pleaser and she posed on many of them as well.

The owners of another show winner spotted us and asked if she would like to be shot with the hit of this as well as previous shows “Spartacus”.

Paige was only too happy to do so, much to the delight of the owners and builders of the bike.

We did make our rounds a bit before I returned her to the booth from which she’d come and they were only too glad to have her back.

I then moved on to take Mandy, the model who has graced many of these shows over the past couple of years and appeared on the pages of the Mag before, around to shoot on some other bikes as well.

John from Motorcycle Enhancements was happy to have her pose on several of his fine looking creations as were some other builders that had bikes on display.

As I stated earlier in this piece, this is not just a show this is a Swap meet and many come here just to look for or to sell parts and they come from great distances to do it.

Tony and Ursula from CJ Cycle in Bolton had an enormous booth set up again this year with a vast array of new and used parts and accessories.

Art and his family and crew from A and K Recreation came down and set up with a huge assortment of parts and even remembered to bring the parts that JR and myself were looking for.

Ryan from RNR in Guelph, Moe came in from Fort Erie and many local shops also took advantage of the huge crowds that this show attracts.

I stopped by to see Elaina from On The Fringe who has been a fixture and an icon in the motorcycle community for years as I don’t get to see near enough of her anymore as life gotten busier and busier and our paths don’t cross near as often or for as long as they used to.

All in all it was a busy morning doing what I do and I felt that a beer was well in order.

I took Mandy with me and bought her a beer as well.

We sat there for a bit and when I looked toward the booth I noticed that the bosses, JR and JB had both arrived.

When I got to the booth they suggested that they buy lunch and a beer for the crew and since I was the crew, and believe in the saying that “The Boss is always right!” How could I argue?

So we sauntered back to the beer garden where we indulged in a fine tasting Pastrami on Rye and a cold beer.

We went back to the booth and continued our conversations until it was

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time for me to go to the stage area for the awards ceremony.

The Hooters girls did a fantastic job as trophy girls and did it with a great sense of humour and style.

The presentations have a nice easy going, relaxed feel to them with a good flow that makes it easy for an old fart like me.

With that done it was time to call it a day and head for home.

Another show in the books and another fantastic time.

CLASS: MILD SPORT BIKE; 3rd, Frankenstein Custom Cycle, 204 Kawasaki ZX10; 2nd Champion Cycle, 2010 Yamaha R1; 1st Champion Cycle, 2007 Kawasaki ZX14; MODIFIED SPORT BIKE; 3rd Frankenstein Custom Cycle, 2005 Kawasaki ZX10; 2nd Champion Cycle, 2009 Kawasaki ZX14; 1st David Doma, 2008 Suzuki Hayabusa; TURBO SPORT BIKE; 3rd Champion Cycle, 2005 Suzuki GSXR1000 Turbo; 2nd Frankenstein Custom Cycle, "2001 Kawasaki ""Hired Gun"""; 1st Champion Cycle, 2009 Kawasaki; CRUISER; 3rd Motorcycle Enhancements, 2002 Honda VTX; 2nd Motorcycle Enhancements , 2000 Roadster; 1st Motorcycle Enhancements, "2005 Yamaha ""Indian Larry Tribute"""; INDIAN CLASS; 3rd Greg Yerex, 1940; 2nd Greg Patrick, 1926; 1st Don Hart, 1942 Indian 442; VINTAGE CLASS; 3rd Barry Mitton, 1966 Ducati; 2nd Paul Irwin, 1950 Vincent Comet; 1st Mike Whitehead, 1951 Vincent Black Shadow; ANTIQUE CLASS; 3rd Louis Bari, 1912 Merkel; 2nd Louis Bari, 1901 ER Thomas Auto; 1st Don Hart, 1914 Harley; SPECIAL INTEREST; 3rd Dunnville Firefighters, 1979 PE250 Suzuki; 2nd Harold Mutter, 2005 Suzuki GSXR 1000; 1st Frankenstein Custom Cycles, "2012 ""Ashphalt Terrorist"""; TRIKE CLASS; 3rd Ed Edwards, 1981 Rebel Stallion Trike; 2nd Monte Carlos, "1984 VW ""The Mask"""; 1st Monte Carlos "2011 VW Trike ""Anaconda"""; MILD STREET; 3rd Bruce Gaunt, 2008 Dyna Street; 2nd Shane Murphy, 2000 Softail; 1, David Doma, 2006 Fatboy; FULL STREET; 3rd RNR Custom Cycle, 2005 Harley Softail; 2nd Motorcycle Enhancements, 2006 Deluxe; 1st Brian MacInnes, "Softail ""Blue Collar"""; PRO STREET; 3rd Edith Tasse, 2010 Night Rod Special; 2nd RNR Custom Cycle, 2010 Pro Street Softail; 1st RNR Custom Cycle, 2008 Dayteck Red Rocket; BOBBER; 3rd CJ Cycles, Black Rigid; 2nd Konstantine Zakzanis, Copper Chopper, 1st Wayne Burgess, 2006 Chopper; VINTAGE HARLEY; 3rd Cliff Zimmerman, 1949 Harley Panhead; 2nd David Doma, 1945 Harley; 1st Don Hart, 1957 XL Sportster; SPORTSTER; 3rd Bruce Belford, 2006; 2nd Mette Vallis, 2007 XL1200L; 1st Neil Strath, 2000; H.D. TRIKE; 3rd JD Cycles, 2009 Dyna Super Glide; 2nd JD Cycles, 2007 Dyna Wideglide; 1st JD Cycles, 2000 Dyna Wideglide; DRESSED HARLEY; 3rd Ron Carriere, 2006 FLTR ; 2nd Robert Durisin, 2009 FLHX; 1st Robert Durisin, 2009 FLTR; RADICAL CLASS; 3rd CJ Cycles, 2009 Rigid; 2nd Konstantine Zakzanis, 2005 Indian Larry; 1st Christian Rivard, 2011 Chopper; BEST PAINT; Robert Durisin 2005 LFTR; BEST PLATING, Wayne Burgess 2006 Chopper; BEST MURAL, Ron Carrierre, 2006 LFTR; BEST ENGINE, RNR Custom Cycle, 2010 Harley; BEST ENGINEERED; Monte Carlos, 2011 VW Trike; BEST CLUB DISPLAY, Ontario Chrome Divas; BEST INDIVIDUAL DISPLAY, Christian Rivard, 2011 Chopper ""Spartacus"""; "BEST BIKE IN SHOW - $3,500.00", Christian Rivard, "2011 Chopper ""Spartacus"""

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 53

JOKE PAGE that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but Phone: 519-846-0040 Fax: 519-846-0145

know we've been friends for a long time......but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

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THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl

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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby where he met the U.S. President. They shook

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'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.' The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little David aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?' 'No,' said David, 'He plays hockey for the Toronto Maple Leafs but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'

Page 54

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