2012-06 v14-n04

Vol.14 #4 THE

RIDER’S MAG

June ‘12

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

FREE Fort Erie Motorcycle Swap Meet

What’s Shakin Joke Page B.R.O. Cover the Kids Run

Feature Bike

We Support the Troops The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

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WELCOME TO

THE

RIDER’S MAG

www.hipscycle.ca

900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Riders Mag. The weather has been terrific...finally. It is time to enjoy the outdoors, the shows, the weekend party and good friends. Enjoy the riding and all the events.

TABLEOFCONTENTS Clare’s Demo Rides 4 (Rose checks out the latest bikes) On the Road 6 (The publisher grinds his axe) Fort Erie Motorcycle Swap Meet 8 (Critter writes up the Fort Erie Swap Meet) What’s Shakin 11 (Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page 12 (Time to Bust a Gut) B.R.O. Cover the Kids Run 16 (Finally got out for another ride) Hamilton Biker Church Swap Meet 27 (Pastor Ken holds his first swap meet) Stainless Steel Screamer 28 (Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church 30 (Pastor Dave and motorcycles) Cruising w/Critter Rewind 31 (Critters old stuff finally sees the light of day) Cruising w/Critter 32 (Critter talks up this issue) Something Happening Here 34 (Critter makes his usual noise) Ladies and their Harleys 40 (Lady number 2 of 2012) Danni’s Times 44 (A Ladies Perspective) B.R.O. Cover the Kids Run 48 (Rose writes up the ride as well) R.I.P. Chico 49 (Another Brother G.B.N.F. )

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Clare’s Demo Rides, April 27/12

by Rose T. Over the last few year’s the Harley Davidson® Test the Metal Demo Rides at Clare’s was always iffy because of rain. This year we had beautiful sunshine but no heat….a strong north wind and only 2 degrees at 10 am did not make for a comfortable riding day. That did not stop a large number of people coming out to sign up to test ride one of 21 different Harley Davidson® models that were gassed up and ready to roll. They had to pull one bike off the list because it picked up a nail. They had an HD trike available to test ride and you even got your own personal Outrider to lead the way so it was only the two of you on the open road. It was a popular bike to try out.

Randy Clare asked some Niagara HOG members to be the Outriders for the different runs. Steph, from Clare’s, took one group out and Billy B. took out group B. They had 10 rides of groupsAand B sign up so it was a busy day.

The route was over 17 km long so it gave the test riders a chance

to feel how the bike rode and how comfortable that model was for that individual. I spoke to a number of people asking how they enjoyed the ride.

One guy said he took out 4 different types of bikes and then another person said he tried 9 different rides. There was only one mishap that day when a guy had a hard time keeping his balance and dropped the bike in the ditch.

Lucky we had rain the day before so he wasn’t hurt and the bike was only muddy. I only saw a few female riders test the metal this year.

Mark from the Fenwick Lion’s Club was busy selling tickets on the 2012 Screaming Eagle bike that will be drawn at Biketoberfest. He also sold a few tickets on Niagara HOG’s Friday the 13th quilt. PigOut BBQ was busy selling pulled pork, hamburgers, hot dogs and other items, but the heat of the BBQ was the big seller. Alex Sr. from Rider’s Mag came in with a few bundles of the May issue looking for the lovely Lisa. The bundles were cut open and people were scooping them up to read with a hot cup of coffee from Clare’s Diana Sweets. What a way to spend a day!

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(519) 445-2275

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On the Road Well here we are hurtling into another riding season and year 14 for the mag, wow i never would have believed it way back when i was still a thirty something year old. And of course we will wish we were back there again, i don;t want to say it too loud but it almost feels like things are starting to improve a little. Hopefully its not just a sign of last gasp futility but we have been telling people for years getting your message out in the mag works.

Well hopefully we are moving forward and not just here at the mag but despite the best and continuing efforts of our stupid liberal dictators to destroy the economy maybe things are starting to pick up a little its hard to say but it feels a little better and we are seeing some new names popping up

in advertisements in the mag so that all helps, i hope you can all come out and support our advertisers and their events, it is because of them that we put the mag out and you have the mag to read, no ad dollars no mag, simple.

We have been out on the road running hard to get caught up on our feature shoots heading down Windsor way the last weekend of april which is our traditional time to head out on what is known as our southwestern Ontario trip. Tims on the mend and we got 5 shoots in that weekend, shortly after we headed up tri city way and got 3 out of 4 planned shoots in, a minor glitch held up that 4th shoot but we are heading back that way to pick that one up, then we need to find a free weekend to get our east of Toronto to pick up 4 shoots out that way.

Live Entertainment every Friday and Saturday

The

It was good to be back on the road, kicking off the season on April 12th just before Friday the 13th and getting out on the B.R.O. ride and also taking a relaxing ride to Ridgeway for the Fort Erie Swap meet.

I left that report in the capable hands of Critter who was actually on hand at the show longer than i was and got to meet more of our advertiers. I did finally make a complete tour of the outside of the building, inside the rink surface and outside of the boards and i swear after 2-3 hours of shooting the shit as i went along i still didn;t find all of our advertisers but i did make the effort.

I had to slip out this week and help my folks celebrate their 57th wedding anniversary between deadline and production date which is becoming a trend these days as my personal schedule continues to perpetually conflict with the deadlines and production schedule of the magazine. Lifes a busy place in my world and hopefully we can survive without exploding or worse having a stroke, heart attack or some other malady.

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Anyways theres plenty more to come and we are still always on the hunt for more vintage bikes so if you have a vintage bike send us a pic along with your contact info and we will be happy to ad you to our list.

Just remember that in our world vintage bikes are panheads or older, so no generator shovels although old do not qualify as vintage as they have their own category in the mag for all you shovel devotees.

And ladies we are always looking for more lady riders to put into our ladies and their Harleys feature which appears in the mag 5 of the 10 months each year, got a great story send us a pic of your Harley along with your contact info and we will add you to our list. And guys, just in case you been under a rock when we come to do your shoot you gotta have a lady to sit on your bike. I don’t care what you think you know, my fingerprints are on every issue of every mag thats ever been printed and no you have not seen a mag on the cover without a girl, its just never happened and never will.

Having said that i hope you will come out to the events in your area and take a ride and support some of the great causes that are out there, and we look forward to meeting you out there, on the road.

Fort Erie Swap Meet – 2012

by Critter I started out early having to make a stop in Mississauga to drop some stuff off with Francis at the silk screening shop enroute, but made it to JR’s with only seconds to spare as Sr. pulled in right behind me.

I know better than to keep Sr. waiting.

Then a heated argument erupted, about who’s truck we would take and who was driving and the serenity of that usually peaceful neighbourhood was broken, as words lead to pushing and shoving and eventually punches, eye gouging and kicking . But we sure settled that little matter once and for all!

As I loaded my stuff into Sr.’s truck and settled into the passenger seat licking my wounds until Sr. stopped for breakfast.

Another argument ensued over who was going to pay but I

298 Colborne St.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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wisely relented and Sr. paid the tab.

But I left the tip! Damn it!

It was a beautiful morning as we made our way out the QEW towards Fort Erie and one of the Best Swap meets around.

We noticed signs along the highway announcing that there was a power outage in Fort Erie.

Not parts of Fort Erie…..Fort Erie!

“This doesn’t look good!” I said.

As we got closer we hoped we would see some lights somewhere, but none were evident.

We rolled into the parking lot and unloaded the truck at 10:45 and found a darkened building with the usual large crowd waiting outside for the doors to open.

It was looking grim!

“They said the power would be on by 10:00 AM. They’re changing a main transformer or something.” Someone yelled out.

That was reassuring!

We got Sr. all situated at his usual perch just inside the front doors and sure enough the lights came on and we were good to go.

I parked Sr.’s truck out front grabbed my trusty Nikon and headed in to join him.

Tim and Tina from Triple K Upholstering were set up out front and were already hard at it.

I went in and joined Sr. for a while before going on a tour of the place.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 9

Fort Erie Swap Meet – 2012

by Critter There were a lot of familiar faces to be found here as people travel for miles to come to this event.

If you were looking for a part to start or complete a project, chances are real good that you will find it here.

If you were looking to buy a bike or to sell a bike, this would be the place to do it.

The show has a distinct flavour and feel to it and it is a pleasure just to come here to just socialize.

The food here is great and a real bargain. People were lined up all day for burgers, hot dogs, fries and onion rings cooked up fresh and they smelled as good cooking as they tasted.

I sure had a lot of people to talk to and a trip through the packed arena took a while longer than I thought it would and I figured I should head back and see how Sr. was making out.

I could tell by the fact that everyone I saw had a copy of the Mag that Sr. was large and in charge and the pile of Mags we brought in would be dwindling.

I got him a coffee then set out for some shots of the outside, making my way through the large constant parade of attendees filing through the doors, anxious to see what treasures lay inside.

The place was teaming with motorcycles and people. Parking spots even for motorcycles were getting hard to find.

I moved around It’s Kool To Drink Healthy to take pictures and managed to RENT A FREEZER FULL OF ICE find some folks FOR YOUR WEEKEND PARTY to talk to, one of whom was George Winney from Forever Free Motorcycle Hearse who had his fine looking unit sitting right out front. He gets a lot of attention and trying to get in to talk to him can OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK be a challenge, but worth the Mon - Fri 10 to 7 ! Sat - Sun 10 to 5 wait.

I had to stop a while at Eagles nest to talk to lovely Lori from Eagles Nest and her fine crew and Art from A& K Recreation had come all the way from Waubaushene to take part in this event and was doing a good steady business.

It was quite a day!

Each time I made a trip through the event there were more people that I knew that I hadn’t seen previously.

For a small venue it sure packs them in.

Moe and Crash were exhausted and nearly run off their feet but had the

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Fort Erie Swap Meet – 2012

by Critter satisfied smiles of men who had just run another successful event’ There were a lot of smiles on a lot of faces that day, vendors, buyers and those who just came out to be at someplace worth going to.

JR. rode in around noon and proceeded to make his way around just mostly to socialize and to make sure I wasn’t slacking off.

Around 2:00 the crowds had noticeably thinned out and we knew that it would soon be time to head out and head for home.

We loaded our gear up in Sr.’s truck and hit the road.

Another wonderful day behind us, with EMAIL FOR A FREE QUOTE beautiful weather, clear skies, good jconnery@rogers.com friends and great food, does it get any Scarborough ON better than this?

or John 1-800-305-1797 www.connerycustompaint.com

THE RIDER’S MAG

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WHAT’S SHAKIN WEEKLY EVENTS

ART, MOVER, BONDO

EVERY MONDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)679-3778

MEMORIAL FIELD DAY

Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Poker Night (905)898-0001

SATURDAY JUNE 23rd @ NOON

EVERY TUESDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778 Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Jazz Band from 1-5pm (905)547-8989 Albion Hotel at 1Main St Bayfield 11:30am-midnight food and refreshment specials (519)565-2641 Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Dart Night (905)898-0001 Loretto Tavern 7994 County Rd 1 and Hwy 50 is having their Bike Night (905)729-2215 EVERY WEDNESDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Frankie's Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more info please call (905)679-3778 Bike Night at Foolery's Sports Bar and Grill at 2300 Huron Church Road in Windsor (519)966-7888 Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Karaoke Night (905)898-0001 EVERY THURSDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778

China King 1320 Colborne St. East in Brantford has Bike Night (519)752-6389 Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Rider's Night (905)898-0001 EVERY FRIDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778

$25 per person $30 per traditional couple Price includes: Registration Burger, Pop, and Campsite

460 Highway #7 (8 min. east of Markham) ADULTS ONLY PLEASE The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has live entertainment at 9pm (905)529-0271CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

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JOKE PAGE

a The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby where he met the U.S. President. They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The President said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will." The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians or Pakistanis on Star Trek." The President laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "That's because it takes place in the future".

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about it.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did" Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

"And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora.......The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun." "And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man. "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father. The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet? His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert." "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son?" "Why are you living in Brampton , and still wearing all this shit?

Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

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Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.

The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?

Don't you see that sign right over your head."

JOKE PAGE "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'

A couple of rednecks are out in the Tenn. woods hunting when Bubba suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Billy Bob whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence.......and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"

Johnny got kicked out of math class again. The Teacher asked him what comes after 69. Apparently 'mouthwash' was the wrong answer!

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A middle-aged woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed,"

A sweet grandmother telephoned the hospital and timidly asked "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help dear, what's her name and room number?" The woman said, "Norma Findlay, room 302." A few minutes later the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news, the continued on page 24

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Jennifer, a manager at a big box store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man. 'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink ! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yup, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.' Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 'WHAT!?' asked Jennifer, stunned by the response... 'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK , BLINK , or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already crapped my pants.' Louie is now the new greeter at a store near you!

the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, and kneaded both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight.

You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm really glad I came in with him today."

!F

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember --you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes," said the Instructor." I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught. Kinda of brings a tear to your eye…..Don’t it?

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WHAT’S SHAKIN Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Live Bands (905)898-0001 EVERY SATURDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and Karaoke (905)679-3778 The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has live entertainment Matinees 3pm-7pm (905)529-0271 Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO STARTING June 2nd Niagara Motorcycle Raceway is having Balls To The Walls Motorcycle Racing starting at 7pm 603 Netherby Road Welland (905)734-7058 Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Ladies Night (905)898-0001 EVERY SUNDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)6793778 Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Free Pool and cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Bike Night at Denny's Restaurant (South Keys) 2208 Bank St. Ottawa 6pm - 9pm Sponsored By The Celtic Brotherhood, Show & Shine Prizes - Games Phone: Beau (613) 295 4444 Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Free Pool (905)898-0001 MONTHLY EVENTS MAY 24th Clare's Cycle in Fenwick is having Honda demo Rides from 10am-2pm for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAY 25th-26th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Spencer Creek playing (905)529-0271 MAY 25th-27th 3rd Annual Treating Yourself Expo at the Metro Toronto Convention CONTINUED ON PAGE 18

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B.R.O. 29th Annual Cover the Kids Run I took a refreshing ride down the Q.E.W. in about 40’ weather to hook up for the B.R.O. annual cover the kids ride. I hadn’t rode in this one for a few years so it was great to get out and take the ride down the parkway

from the starting point at Lakeside park in Port Dalhousie to the other side on Niagara Falls before heading out to the B.R.O. Property in the Welland area.

I rolled in around 11am despite knowing that the ride didn't start till past noon as it gave me time to watch the crowd grow at the starting point in the parking lot and giving me time to talk to many of the friends and readers that come out to show their support for the Biker Rights Organization and C.O.P.E. providing food and gifts for the less privileged in the area.

Most of the old bars and hotels that were quite popular were long since closed and the signage indicated they were putting

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B.R.O. 29th Annual Cover the Kids Run in condos, not a remarkable turn of events but these were party venues and frequently poker runs stopped in and they carried the mag at these spots as well.

The times are certainly changing. I strolled to the patio of the old Port Mansion to get a little elevation and some picks of the bikes as they arrived and grouped together in the various riding clubs that support the event.

intersections for the impending departure of the main body of the ride.

True to their word at 1:00pm sharp the ride got underway and it was an impressive site such a long group of bikes riding parade style with blockers set out at each intersection to control the traffic and ensure that the riders rarely if ever had to put foot to ground. Other than a slight detour as a result of a fire emergency near the beginning of the ride it was rather uneventful until we got into Niagara on the Lake which is always packed with tourists.

Riding through town was not that big of an issue with plenty of foreign tourists of Asian decent clicking pictures of the motorcycles as they rolled along the main drag, but some of those in cars were less patient and as CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

Before we hit the road for the first stop my educated guess was somewhere around 400 bikes but that was just a w.a.g. but it certainly looked like there could be that many bikes there and some were coming and going for fuel, coffee, whatever before the ride started.

Then about 15 minutes before the ride was to start a group of 20 or so B.R.O. bikes headed out to block the

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WHAT’S SHAKIN SUNDAY AUGUST 26TH

MAY 27th Critter Country Show and Shine in support of Alzheimer Society 400 Market Innisfil, Ont. 10am-5pm (905)251-2359 7th Annual Blackhawks Motorcycle Club Hamilton Open House at Suck Bang Blow 443 Hwy #20 E Stoney Creek Noon-4pm JUNE 1st-2nd The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has IN2U playing (905)529-0271

Freedom 55 Presents the third annual Freedom Ride to End MS www.freedomridetoendms.com

Where one lucky rider will win a 2012 HD Iron 883 from Kitchener Harley Davidson Register online for an extra chance to win

JUNE 1st-3rd The Eagle's Nest in Niagara Falls presents The Grand Central Taps Eagle's Nest Party on the Q Springlicious Block Party bands start at 5pm for more info please visit springlicious.ca JUNE 2nd Heroes Highway Ride and Rally a free ride and rally in support of Canada's Troops for more info please visit heroeshighwayride.ca JUNE 3rd The Deck Pub and Grill at 34 Mill Street Orangeville is having their Spring Motorcycle Show and Shine registration Noon-2pm proceeds to Orangeville Humane Society for more info please call (519)941-6555

Centre North Building Hall A Friday 10am-8pm Sat.10am-8pm Sun.10am-6pm for more info please visit www.treatingyourselfexpo.com

JUNE 8th-9th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Bullitt playing (905)529-0271 JUNE 9th Durham Motorcycle Ride for Dad join the fight against prostate cancer for more info please go to RideForDad.ca Westerntown Smokeout 370 Uxbridge Pickering Townline Rd. food trophies live bands camping games and much more for more info please call (905)294-4745

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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JUNE 10th Orangeville Legion #233 is having their 10th Annual Motorcycle Show and Shine 7 John Street all makes and models welcome music bbq draws and much more for more info please call (519)942-4895 R.D.M.C.Annual Bike Show at 30 Arden Ave. in Hamilton registration 11am-noon all makes welcome proceeds to support the C.N.I.B JUNE 15th-16th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Steel City playing (905)529-0271

WHAT’S SHAKIN JUNE 17th Harley's By The Beach Weekend at the Grand Bend Motorplex for more info please visit www.rockys-harley.com JUNE 21st Cathy's Country Kitchen at Peters Corners 1305 Hwy #5 West RR #1 Dundas is having a Charity Bike Night for a family in need 5pm-9pm for more info please call (905)628-7820 JUNE 22nd-23rd The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Spencer Creek playing (905)529-0271

JULY 7th Taps Brewery in Niagara Falls is having Wing Fest Lincoln County M.C. is having their Harley Davidson Show and Shine 4859 Hillside Dr. Beamsville Adults Only no pets gates open at noon awards at 4:30 for more info please call (905)563-4267 Aces and Eights presents A Christmas in July Toy Ride "Riding for the Children" registration 9am at 1755 Dundas Street West at lake Ridge Road (petro Canada) ride leaves 10am one toy per bike for registration for more info please call (416)991-3207

JUNE 23rd Art, Mover, Bondo Memorial Field Day 460 Highway #7 ADULTS ONLY camping available food prizes and more $25 per person $30 per Traditional Couple JUNE 24th Bobcaygeon Community 2nd Annual Bikefest music camping show and shine and much more starts at 9am-4pm for more info please call (705)738-2202 1-800-318-6173 Hawks Motorcycle Club is having their Annual Poker Run registration starts at 9am at Thee Cagney's Pub 802 1/2 Upper Gage St in Hamilton ride leaves 11am registration is 20 per rider 10 per passenger for more info please visit www.hawksmcc.ca JUNE 29th-30th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Tim Hebert &Playin Possum playing (905)529-0271 JUNE 30th 5th Annual Support The Troops Bash hosted by the London Chapter Falcons M.C. Veterans Canada 892 County Rd 46 Essex 2pm rain or shine for more info please call (519)551-6686 (905)391-7904 JULY 1st Run to the North Wall XVII in Windsor, staging is 12pm at R.C.L. Br. 594-5050 run leaves R.C.L. Br.594 at 1:30pm service at The North Wall at 2pm for more info please call (519)2566797

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WHAT’S SHAKIN Clare's Thunder Run to Port Dover leaves at 10am from Clare's Hwy #20 Fenwick for more info please call (905)684-4647 JULY 13th-14th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has IN2U playing (905)529-0271 JULY 14th-15th Taps Brewery Niagara Falls Inkfest/Motorcycle show

authenticltd@rogers.com / www.authenticltd.com Kawartha Bikers Church 9th Annual Show and Shine and Swap Meet Fairbairn St. Peterborough 10am-4pm live music draws trophies and much more for more info please call (705)875-5412 JULY 8th The Deck Pub and Grill at 34 Mill Street Orangeville is having their Spring Motorcycle Show and Shine registration Noon-2pm proceeds to Canadian Cancer Society for more info please call (519)941-6555 JULY 13th It's Friday the 13th

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JULY 20th-21st The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Amy Churm & Indiana Road playing (905)529-0271 JULY 21st Cargill Bike Bash at the Cargill Community Centre show and shine motorcycle rodeo food and camping available for more info please call (519)366-2701 Sixth Annual Show and Shine at the Royal Canadian Legion #134 140 King St Mount Forest 11am start registration is free prizes draws and more for more info please call (519)323-1570

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B.R.O. 29th Annual Cover the Kids Run we were rolling out of town I found myself quickly veering to my right after checking to ensure there was adequate space as a frustrated woman decided she had waited long enough and was determined not only to turn left to get out of the traffic jam but was going to accomplish this by taking over part of our lane.

Fortunately we were able to avoid her aggression, some people don’t seem to understand that just because their side of the road is blocked for whatever reason (in this case the vehicles ahead of her were stopped as one up front was trying to turn left and had to wait for our line of bikes to pass) does not immediately entitle them to use the other side of the road.

Our first stop was a lookout point over the gorge which I believe is called Niagara Glen, it used to have a restaurant and gift shop and facilities most of which have long since closed and the guys were saying a lot of people just use it as a spot to park for free (there's not much free parking along the Niagara parkway) and then hop a bus. It was a real challenge to try to park all the bikes in what was very limited space and as I was rolling through trying to find a spot one of the B.R.O. guys was walking through with his hand in the air signalling we were leaving in 5 minutes, a testament to how long the line of bikes was as I was near the back for the first leg of the ride.

The next stop was Kings Cross park where we shed a significant number

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B.R.O. 29th Annual Cover the Kids Run of bikes to the local hotels and Tim Horton's up the street but I stayed with the group as two local politicians were addressing the riders to thank them for their charitable work and for supporting the ride, both Mayor Jim Diodati and popular M.P.P. Kim Craitor spoke welcoming us and related personal stories. Kim Craitor told us about visiting one of his constituents while riding his motorcycle, and yes he rode to the park to address us that day. They speak very highly of him despite his political affiliations, but then they say his party wants to disown him on most days, good for him.

A much smaller group left the park heading for the B.R.O. party after the ride and despite getting official numbers from B.R.O. of just over 200 bikes based on waivers signed and door prize tickets issued the unofficial count which came from a barmaid at the hotel at the corner that we rode by was closer to 300 and as I previously stated we lost between 75 and 100 bikes at the last stop.

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When we rolled into the property around 4 pm or so the lineup for food tickets was impressive and stayed that way for more than an hour, they say the folks cooking the donated food from a local supermarket including sausage, burgers, hot dogs, and 50 pounds of potatoes gave up only when they ran out of food, wow. A hungry mob to say the least and event the security guys were impressed saying the line was never that long for that much time before so they had a good crowd.

The crowd was entertained by a band called shindig which played everyone's favorite classic rock tunes and the guitarist lamented his bike being at home as he had to set up to play while the ride was winding its way to the property. There was a guest singer from one of the Canadian talent search shows, a gal whose name I didn't take down and following her one of the barmaids got up and belted out some metal tunes, Zeppelin and Alice in Chains I think.

There were a couple of draws one for a weekend on B.R.O. which included a hotel room, and access to all the attractions including a helicopter ride, trip behind the falls, a ride on the maid of the mist and a few other things, this was all arranged by Dirty Nick. There were a wide range of door prizes and as the afternoon wore on into evening the bikes started to pull out, wanting to make it home before dark.

I stayed for the last draw I had tickets on and then it was getting on towards 7 pm and I hit the road having to be back on the bike early the following morning for a ride down to Fort Erie for the swap meet. The day was a huge success by any measure I can think of with money raised for C.O.P.E. a cool but sunny and dry day for the first big ride of the year, I really enjoyed it, if you've never been or haven't been for a while check it out next year, it's always the first Saturday in may.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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JOKE PAGE nurse just told me Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow." The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was worried. God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me crap around here."

dinner one four-year-old girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her.

The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The uncle checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said "I just want to see how you drink like a fish."

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes. By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asked Mike. "I'm a divorce lawyer."

Tom the Mailman was retiring and was on his last route. He went up to his last house on his route and a beautiful blond-haired woman answered the door in her negligee. She took him by the hand and escorted him into the dining room where she served him breakfast.

When he was done eating she then escorted him upstairs and made love to him. After they were done and got dressed again, she walked him back to the door and handed him a dollar. Baffled and confused, he asked her what that was all about. She smiled and said that she was talking to her husband last night and said that they should do something nice for a going away treat. He told her "Screw him! Give him a dollar...."

"But the breakfast was my idea!" She proudly claimed!

An elderly couple are listening to a preacher on the radio when the preacher tells the listeners "If you need healing today, I want you to place a hand on the part of your body you need healed, then place your other hand on the radio and you will be healed!" The old man slowly places a hand on the radio and slowly places his other hand down his pants. Upon seeing this, the old woman said "He said he could heal, not raise the dead!"

Patient: What is wrong? Why am I in the hospital?

Doctor: You have had an accident.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I have some good news and some bad news.

Patient: What is the bad news?

Doctor: We had to amputate both of your legs.

Patient: Oh no! What is the good news?

Doctor: We found a guy who's made a very good offer for your shoes.

A friend hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during the sit-down

The Rider’s Mag P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Rick Davis, Danni, Rosaire T., Cookie Chick.

Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”

THE RIDER’S MAG

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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc and then asks, "What's your occupation?" "I'm a prostitute," she says. The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl". "No, that still won't work. Try again." They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year." "Chicken Farmer it is."

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it should cause a scene at the check out stand." "I can handle that without a problem, the other nun replied and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it Catholic Shampoo." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

JOKE PAGE The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."

Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales. Tom, the hand from Brooks Alberta says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth." Ben, from Wyoming, couldn't stand to be bested. "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache." Old Reuben Loe, the cowboy from Calgary, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.

Arthur is 90 years old and has played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day, he arrived home looking downcast. "That's it," he told his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathized, and as they sat down to dinner, she had a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try?" "That's no good," sighed Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three," said the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur headed off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He teed up his ball, took a mighty swing, and squinted down the fairway.

Then he turned to his brother-in-law and asked, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" said the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asked Arthur. "Can't remember." .

Question for Bob Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern Michigan. He said that the snow is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is at fifteen degrees and still dropping... and the wind is increasing to near gale force. Even the plows are having a hard time getting around. The schools are closed, and alerts are on all the TV and radio stations urging people to stay off the streets. He said his wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window for hours on end, just staring. He says he's concerned that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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The wife told me to go to the doctor and get some of those tablets that "help" guys get an erection. I called my wife after my doctors visit and told her that he gave me something. You should have seen her face though when I got home and tossed her what the doctor had given me. A case of diet pills! I am still looking for a new place to live.

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."

"Oh yeah, what happened?" "I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"

"So, how'd you get away?" "The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over." "Man, that's scary. If it'd been me, I woulda probably crapped all over the place." "I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?"

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

An elderly couple were driving cross country when they got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer says, "Sir did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, who is hard of hearing, asks her husband , "What did he

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell the sex of a fly?" He responded, "Well, three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

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1,Hamilton Road,London, Ont. N6B-1M9 THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 25

JOKE PAGE Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'. She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you fucker'. He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off it'll be too painful', Now who's laughing'

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The old man yells, "He says I was speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman asks her husband again, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He wants to see my license!"

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Wisconsin. I had a girlfriend there once, worse piece of ass I ever had."

The woman asks her husband, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

Redneck couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.

Husband says ' Oh for fuck's sake stop crying, you're still my sister' My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, 'You're not fucking listening' I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

I love the part where he takes his ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.

Today a native was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times and shot twice.Regina police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

A car bomb was found outside Surrey mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.

Was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar. They both had strange accents so I said "Hello Are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them screamed "Its WALES you fucking idiot!" So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry are you two whales from Scotland?

The kids have all their texting codes, like BFF (best friends forever) WTF (what the f***?)

LOL (laughing out loud) So why not some codes for seniors (60 and over): ATD - At the Doctor's BFF - Best Friends Funeral BTW - Bring the Wheelchair BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth CBM - Covered by Medicare CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center FWIW - Forgot Where I Was FYI - Found Your Insulin GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low GHA - Got Heartburn Again HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out LOL - Living on Lipitor OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas ROFL CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing. Can't get Up! WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again WTP - Where's the Prunes WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!

DTAF - Don't Trust A Fart A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, ...

Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments. He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be". The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my SIDE." Sal was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting A personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're continued on page 43

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Hamilton Biker Church 1st Annual Swap Meet The Saturday thof the weekend after Friday the 13 was the first ever Hamilton Bikers Church Swap Meet, it was also a production weekend but Pastor Ken had put some money into advertising this first annual event and despite the less than stellar Saturday bikes showed up at the event.

Because it was a production weekend and we were putting together the May Mag at the time I didn't want to risk getting sick with a truckload of work ahead of me.

I headed over shortly after breakfast and although I knew it was on Barton Street I found myself looking at address numbers, I was looking for a traditional church but the Victory Church is in an industrial Strip mall which was unexpected. There was a Can Am 3 wheeler in the parking lot when I arrived and the barbeque was on under a tent and sausages and probably burgers and sodas were being served to the hungry and there was a lineup.

short time that I was there and there was one vendor complaining about the turnout at the event, and I pointed out to him that every event has to start somewhere and the turnout is not necessarily huge at any first outing for an event and this was the second first outing for Hamilton this year.

When I headed outside there were a couple more bikes outside so I stopped to take a pic and find out what brave souls were out riding on a miserable day. One was a truck driver who swore up and down he was riding today and dragged his buddy along with him cause he had missed Friday the 13th the week before being stuck in the cab of his tractor trailer in Dallas Texas on that day. Good on him for getting out for a ride and supporting a new local event in Hamilton, cograts to Pastor Ken and his crew for a good event we look forward to next year.

I was surprised at the interior being nothing like the church I had expected from the outside the inside also broke with my expectations with a cafe inside (which was not open this day) and a

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B.R.O. Erie Shores had an information booth set up and there were a number of other vendors with whom I was not familiar.

There was one lady there with tons of really tasty looking cupcakes and other baked goods along with a wide selection of dolls from current to antique, I took an interest as my youngest daughter is a huge fan of a popular brand from the United States.

There were a variety of people who came and went during the

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Stainless Steel Screamer

This month's feature guy is Ryan, and he came onto our list a few years back when we put out the appeal for more Sportster, so let's just say that he has been patiently waiting for about 3 years to get this done. What you see before you is the product of a dream that he had since he was a kid and all he had to do was get a little nudge from a co-worker to execute on his boyhood dream of building a totally sic ironhead Sportster.

As it turns out there was some motorcycling in his family background but after a few well publicized accidents back in the day his parents decided that riding would not be too good for their young son and their bike was sold and they retired from riding permanently in the hopes of not encouraging their son who was quite young from riding motorcycles.

Dad ran a thriving welding shop in Cambridge and as Ryan grew he was brought into the business beginning during his time in school working weekends and summers he became an excellent welder and was groomed to take over the business so Dad could cut back on his work hours and go to his property up north and

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relax 4 or 5 days a week.

Ryan's dream of building a totally sic ironhead Sportster was not much more than a distant memory as he focused on working in the family business and transitioning from just working to a more managerial role and

Stainless Steel Screamer bit of this story for me personally was the hand fabricated gas tank, not to mention the front and rear fenders which were also hand fabricated. Get this, fabricated out of pieces of scrap stainless steel from a project in the shop for a customer, these pieces were discarded and would have been sold by the ton as scrap when the job was finished.

Ryan says that they have a saying at his place and that is if you can mock it up in cardboard you can make it out of steel. He says that he mocked up the gas tank out of pieces of cardboard and taped them all together to make sure he had a proper fit over the frame and when he was satisfied with the fit he cut the tape and used the pieces of cardboard as patterns to laser cut all the pieces of steel saying that he had the all the pieces cut, tacked together and fitted onto the frame that first evening. What was truly remarkable was that the stainless was all welded together, welds ground to perfection and the tank polished to the point that it looked like it was chromed, all in less than 40 hours, this guy can weld!

He went on to make both front and rear fenders out of scrap stainless lying around the shop and to get that super tight fit on the rear fender he installed in the same fashion as he would install the front fender so that it travelled with the wheel never varying the distance between the tire and the steel giving it that uber clean and neat look.

expanding the business into a variety of different areas including marine welding. Then one of the staff members bought himself a Harley and asked Ryan to help out with a few custom fabricated pieces, but once he rode that bike the dream was revived and the ironhead dream was front and center.

He specifically bought the ironhead Sportster because it was his dream and he rode the bike as a totally stock, no wait a “the way he got it” bike for 5 minutes. Ryan says that he was so pumped to ride that he got the thing running, and my impression was that meant just that “running” and rode it a bit. He went to a local party and on the way there he seized up the valves.

Ouch, lack of lubrication 101? Well he let that bike cool down a bit got it turning over again and rode it home, saying it ran a bit rough but it ran, he’s never towed the bike.

Well this setback set the dream in motion and he yanked the engine and transmission out and sent it to local ironhead expert Ron who got busy tearing the engine down and measuring all tolerances to define what needed replacing and what could be machined. While Ron was busy with the power plant Ryan got busy with the frame, what you see is the remnants on the original frame from the steering head to the rear downtubes, everything else is custom.

And this was not a work in progress this was a lifelong dream being executed with extreme prejudice to build his dream. No butchering of the front of the frame, raked triple trees and chrome inverted downtubes, a wide rear wheel with fabricated by owner rear stainless steel swing arm and a custom double sided transmission sprocket with integral spacer to get the final chain outside the factory frame and to that extra wide rear wheel.

The truly impressive

Once the motor was professionally rebuilt and ready to install Ryan with help from his friends put the bike back together all within a year having it ready to ride the following spring. When he rode this bike out it rocked the tri city area saying that he used to ride it to a few local show and shines as well as some cruise nights saying eventually he got banned from bringing his bike due to complaints from credit card bikers who complained that he won week after week with his hand built totally sic ironhead Sportster.

Getting into riding was a lot of fun for both Ryan and his wife but rides like this are definitely limiting as they are great lookers and fun to scream around town on or buzz from one place to the other for the evening but travelling is usually out of the question so his wife ended up buying an Ultra Classic from a friend who was upgrading so that's their main ride these days. Ryan says he has considered putting his sporty up for sale but it usually draws complaints from his friends who really do not want him to let his creation go, whatever he decides to do he is a very talented fellow indeed and I am sure we will be hearing more about him and his talents in years to come.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Biker Church with Pastor Dave Neals Spring is upon us again and by now I am sure you are either in the process or have completed that major cleanup, getting rid of the junk, finding unfinished projects from the years before and possibly opened up space for your bike. I have found getting rid of the junk in our lives opens up many possibilities such as reaching goals, or maybe that special job you want to do.

The Wall Street Journal reported we spend 6 weeks of our lives looking for things we have lost, whether it be as simplest as a form we had to fill out to a large object. I know I went through our place looking for a windshield for my Decker (a cut down one) red in colour that I use when I show my bike, it high lites the paint. Well I turned my garage inside out , I searched the house and after 5 days of looking their on top of a bookshelf in my office sat that Accessories windshield. It took 5 days and some of the time I sat working at my desk Handlebars: Custom Stainless by trying to think where it would be; not more than 6 feet away.

I often think my life would be better if I was more organized, I could eliminate Owner Risers: Custom Stainless by wasted time. Possibly purchasing a new one would be cheaper, I could Owner probably experience a new level of peace in our home. Do you experienced Ignition Switch: H-D projects that stack up, you know those ones you are going to finish but just Controls: H-D haven’t found the right time, I think I would be better to bring in a bin, get rid Seat: Le Pera of the forgotten projects, get orderly and maybe then I could find that which I Tailight: Stainless Steel L.A.D. have lost.

Oil Tank: Custom Stainless by I had a old friend tell me finish what you start, and then proceed to the next Owner Gas Tank: Custom Stainless by project, what a great principle so for the next two weeks I concentrated on Owner doing just that, wow it worked and at the end of the two weeks all projects Front Pegs: Custom Stainless by were completed with no debris hanging around. God has entrusted many Owner Foot Controls: Custom Stainless by things into our hands over the years and if you just stand back and look around it's not hard to see what damage we have done.

Owner Clutter can be found anywhere and not just your physical surrounding.

Grips: Billet Aluminum w/turn signals What about the clutter that takes place in your mind, it could be -A phone Mirror: Arlen Ness call that needs to be made, -An apology that needs to be said, A relationship Headlight: Chrome Billet that needs to be ended, A book that needs to be finished, A Bill that needs to Speedometer: Mini be paid, A thank you that needs to be said, A will that needs to be settled.

Primary Cover: H-D You can accomplish more when your clutter is cleaned up. In Joshua 1:8 God wants us to prosper and have success. However, I've discovered that Front End when we surround ourselves with clutter, success is cluttered. Even if you Type: Milwaukee Twins enjoy a certain level of success today. I guarantee that if you remove the Year: 2009 clutter from your life, you will see an even greater level of success. st Builder: Milwaukee Twins How do I start –1 we must go through and remove the physical so go Extension: 6” through your home and clean up the clutter. After you have gone through Triple Trees: Raked 6’ Special Features: 58mm inverted each room make a list of what needs to be done. Start in the room that you spend most of your time. When you get to see your progress, you’ll stay motivated to finish and once you get the clutter removed around you, you Wheels Front will be able to see your dreams and as your vision clears you’ll see the next Size: 21” step, and the next step, and the next step leading you to successfully Type: Laced accomplishing your goals and fulfilling your dreams.

Tire: Metzler Brake: H-D Fender: Custom Stainless by Owner If we consult our repair manuals in 2 Tim 2:15 “Do you best to present as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed , rightly handling Rear Size: 200/16” the word of truth.2 Cor 14:40 But all things should be done decently and Type: Laced orderly.

Tire: Metzler It would be just great if we could keep that physical clutter gone, it is Brakes: H-D probably one of our hardest tasks to complete.

Fender: Custom Stainless by Hope to see you on the road!

Owner Pastor Dave daveneals@bikerschurch.com Model: Carolyn

Stainless Steel Screamer Owner: Ryan Z. City: Cambridge, ON General Year & Make: 84 H-D Model: Ironhead Sportster Assembly by: Owner Time: 1 Year Engine Year: 1984 Model: Ironhead Builder: H-D ReBuilder: Ronny Displacement: 1000 c.c.

Lower end: H-D Pistons: H-D Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: H-D Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: Andrews Lifters: Solid Ignition: Crane Fireball Hi 4 Coils/Wires: Crane Fireball Hi 4 Carb: S & S Air Cleaner: S & S Pipes: owner Transmission Year: 1984 Type: H-D Shifting: Foot Clutch: Barnett Scorpion Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Mirror Finish Polisher: Owner Frame Builder: H-D Type: 1000 Sportster Power Paint: Strip Tech Color: Custom Green Swing Arm: Custom by Owner Other Alterations: Custom rear section by owner Rear Suspension: Progressive

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Brotherhood Bash 2011 I was up early as I had to get a few things done in my studio before heading out and the morning looked promising at that point despite a weather forecast to the contrary.

I finished up opened up the garage door and WTF? Rain, heavy rain!

Whatever!

I threw on my Drover coat and headed on out and aimed Petoonia towards Fenelon Falls for the Brotherhood MC`s Annual Bash and Bike Games, come what may.

It poured on me making it not the most pleasant of rides but I`ve never let a little rain stop me before and it wasn`t going to happen today.

The games may be a little damp but I`m still showing up.

With no signs of relief from the relentless rainfall I decided to take temporary shelter and perhaps quell the growling in my stomach at the same time and when I reached Port Bolster I turned into longtime Mag supporter and good place to eat Mary`s Restaurant and abandoned Petoonia in the rain soaked parking lot and took refuge.

I hung my wet drover coat over a chair then languished over a great breakfast and several cups of hot coffee while engaging in some pleasant conversation with staff and some of the other patrons.

I finished up put on my coat and when I came back outside, the rain had stopped.

The sky still looked foreboding.

Ominous black clouds hung overhead taunting me as if to say ``Go ahead chump! Throw your leg over that motorcycle!

Make my day! You feeling lucky? Did I use all the rain in these clouds on your way here or do I have more and even worse in store for you?

I shot a defiant one finger salute towards the heavens but kept my Drover coat on and done up to the top button……………just in case.

Those clouds hung in there like a bad smell all the way to the beautiful Stone Fountain Motel, new home of the Brotherhood Bash.

I was greeted at the gate and waved on through and found a good place for Petoonia to sit for the day.

This event has been a tradition with me for a lot of years and while I would cover any event that I’m asked to cover for the Mag and these good folks would understand, but JR knows that this is a favourite of mine and leaves me to it and books me off other assignments.

So I grabbed my hat and my camera and some Mags and started to make my rounds and where better to start than the beer garden.

I walked in to warm and hearty greetings handshakes and hugs and a cold 50 was dug from deep in the ice filled cooler and plunked down in front of me.

I reached in my pocket and was waved off.

“Your money is no fucking good here.” I was told.

The clouds abruptly cleared away leaving the sun beaming in a clear blue sky radiating lovely heat that dried my rain soaked boots, pants and the drover coat that I had left draped over Petoonia.

I could swear I heard a choir start to sing from just over the horizon, a lump

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formed in my throat and a tear welled up in my eye and trickled down my cheek. I wiped the tear away and cracked it open. I raised the can in a salute to the heavens then put it to my lips. The golden nectar tricked over my palette and down my throat the choir swelled to a crescendo and all was right with the World (At least in my part of it and I call it Critter Country!)

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SPECIALIZING IN OUR FAMOUS BROASTED CHICKEN 8675 Montrose Rd. Niagara Falls, 905-374-4544

“You’re gonna mention this in your article aren’t you?” I was asked.

“Do bears shit in the woods?” Was my reply.

Now is that mentioned in my article enough for ya?

I then got on with the job at hand, socializing and taking pictures, lots of pictures.

The place was kind of quiet at this point and there was a lot of worry expressed that they might not get a good turnout.

“You guys are worried for nothing!” I tried to reassure them. “You always get CONTINUED ON PAGE 36

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Holy smoke! This year is flying past and has my head spinning a bit.

No, Petoonia still isn’t on the road but the most recent prognosis from Dr. Bronson is that she should be back on her feet for next week.

It’s like when I was a kid, waiting for Christmas or waiting for the mailman to arrive each day in hopes that he was bringing the scuba divers or other such stuff that I’d ordered from a comic book or cereal box.

Every time my phone rings I check hoping it’s word on when I can pick up my Darl’n and once again settle my ass onto her plush seat and hear her sing her special song as we roar off for another adventure in Critter Country.

I wander into the shop in hopes that she is sitting by the door waiting for me to take her home.

I then glance over to where she waits patiently for the skilled hands of Dr. B. to fix her ills and set her free.

“Soon!” I whisper as I walk over to her, gently running a finger through the dust that has gathered on her pretty purple paint, being careful not to take too much off so as not to scratch her or lead her to believe that I’m cleaning her up to go for a ride and giving her false hope that I was breaking her out of here.

“Easy baby.” I offered. “You’ll be out in time for the Show and Shine.”

I turn for one last parting glance.

She looks sad.

She gave me that same plaintive look that I get when one or both of the Wonder Dogs, Captain and Morgan, when they want something or are hurting (Godzilla now speaks fluent Wonder-dog), or the same sort of vibe that I get from Godzilla that tells me without words whether I’m in the good books (Not that common) or on the shit list (More often than not!) and that look spoke to me and said “Come on! Let’s make a break for it! We can be down the road and living the dream in a heartbeat! Good tires and all that stuff is just over-rated! I betcha we could make it all the way home if luck was on our side!”

“Shut the fuck up! Bronson will get to you next! He promised!” I snapped at her.

“Fuck! Did I say that out loud?”

Bronson just looked confused as I left.

As for me, my knee is coming along nicely and I no longer need crutches and canes and such to get around.

I’m back to work and going strong!

I’ve been busy as Hell making final preparations for my Show and Shine at The 400 Market coming up on May 27.

This will be the first of three events that I`m holding at that venue this year.

I`ve been given another spot to hold The Show and Shine this year that should prove to be much better as it is more space and we have our own driveway in so we will better be able to control parking and direct riders to the Show and Shine area.

We will better be able to co-ordinate which bikes go in which section to make the judges job a lot easier and speed up the process.

I`ve got Laura Lee and the Tequila Rockingbirds booked to do this show.

They are a fantastic band who plays good solid Rock and Roll.

Laura Lee has a fantastic voice and tremendous energy and should have the whole place rocking!

I`m also restarting my Thursday Riders Nights at Big Daddy`s in Newmarket, beginning on May 24, 2012 and then on through the summer and as long as we want to keep it alive.

Big Daddy`s is also offering a 10% discount off menu items to riders carrying a Critter`s Crew card (Which you can get from me, at no cost, any time you track me down) any time you visit either of Big Daddy`s locations.

These cards will also be honoured for discounts at Black Gold Canada and I hope to add other businesses and services available as time go by.

This is something I just started.

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) There are a number of Ride Nights starting up in my area and the event calendar is growing rapidly so I expect to be busy.

I`m also being trained in the art of laying out the Mag so I can step up and do my share on this thing so time is getting to be a rare commodity.

But as they say “Bust hands are happy hands.”

If that is true, I must be one happy guy, and I`m about to be a lot happier!

I did manage to get out to the Outlaws South Simcoe C H to help my brother CB and the huge gathering celebrate another of his birthdays.

What is it now 30th?

Whatever it’s been a while and a good time has been had along the way despite a few ups and downs along the way.

But it’s the ups and downs and surviving them that makes for good stories and memories to share at moments like these. They also prove to you who your real friends and brothers are and make you appreciate them.

My big Irish buddy Murph (Yes the one who keeps getting me in huge

amounts of trouble!) along with his bride, the beautiful and bountiful “Barbarella) and Bernie who was our designated driver and pilot of Murphy’s party bus for the evening picked me up at home, promising to get me home early as I told them that I had to be out to JR’s place in Burlington by 8:00 AM to learn how to layout this wonderful publication, and needed to be alert and attentive for the entire day.

That was the official plan!

But anyone who has read my drivel over the last bunch of years knows that in Critter Country “Official Plans” aren’t worth much and are disregarded and cast aside like someone wearing Sons of Anarchy patches at a real Motorcycle Club gathering (None of them dared to make an appearance here!).

We rolled up the street with our papers and documents in hand expecting the usual “greeting party” paid for by our tax dollars and much to our surprise there was none! continued on page 42

BIKERS RIGHTS ORGANIZATION OF ONTARIO INC. IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH SARNIA – LAMBTON BIKERS RIGHTS ORGANIZATION AND IS NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ACTIONS OR PROMOTIONS MADE BY THEM.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Somethings happening here…

There were a couple of stories in the news in the last while that got my attention, first a Civilian review board released its scathing report of Police actions and behavior at the G20 summit and now 29 officers will face charges and disciplinary actions.

The other was the Police raid on the Clubhouse belonging to The Vagabonds Motorcycle Club as well as the homes of some members.

First the G20 Riots At the G20 the Cops were criticized for a litany of things that included false arrest, excessive force and the usual fun stuff that Cops will tend to do when invited to a party such as this, but they went far beyond the bounds here.

There is lots of filmed footage to support the allegations.

After viewing some of the tapes from that weekend I was appalled by the whole thing!

I can appreciate that it would not have been an easy task for the police out there on the front lines and I`m sure that it was no picnic for the Police brass who just had to know that things were going to get ugly especially with Chief Bill Blair calling the shots apparently having no real plan other than to use everybody as scapegoats which seems to be “his way”. He’ll just call in some more busses to throw subordinates under as the needs arise.

With nerves were on end, adrenaline was pumping and the fact that there were some on both sides who didn`t want a peaceful protest in the first

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place didn’t help matters, so let the showdown begin.

There were some among the protesters, a small but very vocal group, who were not there to protest they were there to riot! They were there to instigate and they did everything in their power to provoke such a riot and once started they put in extra effort to fan the flames and escalate the whole thing into what we witnessed. From what I`ve been told there was more than words and taunts being thrown at the Cops that day. Urine and feces also were being flung at the officers in hopes of getting something started and to show defiance to any authority. I know that that would have been more than enough to get me swinging had I been in their shoes, but I’m not the one trained and equipped to face these kinds of situations. These goons also got what they came here for.

There were also some Cops (badges and ID removed) just spoiling for a fight and could hardly wait for the spark that would set off the ugly chain of events that would explode into a full blown riot so they could bust some heads and show these assholes who was boss (Or who the real assholes are!). They also got what they wanted!

Then there were those among the protesters who did come to have a voice their displeasures, discontent and state their views and just make some noise to let the Government know that they, as citizens weren’t about to buy into every piece of crap that is being crammed down the throats of the citizens!

But these people were never in control. They were never going to accomplish what they naively came here for. They would soon be swept up in the madness and then confusion, anger, adrenaline and the fulfillment of other`s agendas would take over and would rule the day and they would find themselves confronted by a group of Cops, some working under extreme stress, and emotions some there to satisfy their needs to impose their authority at any cost, and all would suffer. They would not get what they came for.

Also among the crowds that day were innocent people just going about their business and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once things erupted and they just became part of the scene and to even the Cops who were hoping to have avoided all this, everyone looks pretty much alike and weren`t listening to anything anyone said they just reacted to the situation at the time.

Shouting “I’m not with them!” at even one of the reasonable cops probably wasn’t going to carry much weight in light of what was going on all around them.

There were bound to be some errors in judgement and procedure in those circumstances but some Cops were just out there for the adrenaline rush and to satisfy their need to just beat people up and truly did overstep their bounds and their authority and they need to be weeded out so that good honest Cops can do the jobs that they hired on to do.

That is a task not easily accomplished particularly when Chief Bill Blair allegedly declared Martial Law with his “alleged” order to clear the streets of everyone.

Mike McCormack president of the Police Association, states that it was only 29 Officers that were charged and considering that there were thousands of Cops there and considering the circumstances, that’s not too bad.

That was only the Cops that they caught that they could prove did things to discredit their badges. There were many more.

He also stated that none of these charges have been substantiated in Court so until they are proven the Officers should be given the better of the doubt, innocent until proven guilty. He then uses the line that they use whenever any Cop or group of Cops “allegedly” commits a crime. The “alleged actions” of these officers should not reflect on the whole force and all police officers.

That is what the official spin Doctors try to sell the public and to some degree, I can buy that, but the same should apply to all groups!

Somethings happening here…

For Police that street doesn’t run both ways.

There is an invisible sign posted at the entrance that only cops can see and it states; “One Way. For Police use only!”

These same rules, perks and exemptions don’t apply to everyone and every group.

Oh no, the Police don’t make mistakes! Never! If they say you’re guilty, you are guilty! Take that to the bank! Guaranteed! They are the Pros! Just ask people who have experienced the expert tenacity and infallibility of the Police first hand like Guy Paul Morin, David Milgard, David Marshal and so many others for whom, if they had only been Cops they would not have been railroaded and had their lives put on hold if not ruined. What of those who had their lives ruined by the “Expert Testimony” of that bogus fruitcake, Dr. Smith that the Cops and Crown would parade up to the stands as “The ultimate truth”.

But they plead, no demand, that we treat these officers fairly and not colour them all with the same crayon. This was just a small portion that has been charged. Surely the public can’t feel that the entire group was guilty or even aware or involved?

Why not?

This is not what the police would have the public believe when they raided the Vagabonds Motorcycle Clubhouse!

It was quite a show!

They blew in the front door with an explosive device then searched the Clubhouse (probably a more accurate term would be ransacked, because that is what they usually do.) and found nothing.

They also raided some personal residences and confiscated a quantity of cocaine (Which news reports had overvalued) and a small quantity of Marijuana (So small an amount that it is surprizing that they had the nerve to lay a charge) for personal use. That was it! That was the result of what was being touted (By the Police) as great police work, A huge raid orchestrated and carried out in front of the media to further their, contention and support their implication that all Bikers are Criminal and be known that they are being scrutinized and kept in check by the people Club members in particular because if one or two had drugs, they all had to who put them there and pay their salaries and gold plated pensions. know.

We need Police services that are accountable and that are held See now! If they were Cops we would be asked to just forgive and forget accountable. and not look at all Cops like they are all complicit.

Make some noise!

So there we go, on the road to justice, fair treatment and equality, we get to make our way down the Yellow Brick Road, subjected to the detours, potholes, pitfalls, cracks, speed traps, spot checks, roadside suspensions and other related nonsense while the cops travel on the expressway where anything goes and there is a doughnut shop every 100 yards.

We need more 4859 Hillside Dr. Beamsville protests and we (Mountain St. To Albright Manor east on Hillside) need to question and examine $10 per person entry - Adults Only - No Pets everything that those in power want to slip by the scrutiny of mere Gates Open at Noon - Judging at 3:00-Awards at 4:30 pm Citizens.

Patches for all exhibitors. Trophies for winners!

We need make the Government More info: 905-563-4267 or e-mail lcmc1967@hotmail.com listen and make it

Harley Davidson

Show & Shine July 7, 2012

At L.C.M.C. Clubhouse Food & Beverages Available

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) a good turn out and this time will be no different! It barely past noon and most good bikers are just recovering from last night! But being bikers they recover quickly once they pry their eyes open and get a couple of cups of coffee or whatever into them, they are ready to go again and they will come!”

They didn’t look too convinced.

Then their regular announcer Casanova got word from home that his wife had been rushed to the hospital with a burst appendix and he rushed off to be with her so they got Greg to substitute and he did a fantastic job.

Their worries were finally put to rest as wave after wave of new arrivals filled the fields and the line of entrants in the Show and Shine swelled making the judges task a whole lot harder than it had been a short time ago.

I could hear a couple of car alarms going off from the parking lot and that could only signify a few things, a roving gang of vandals was striking the parking lot in broad daylight at a biker event, an earthquake or Delightful Dolores was close by.

I could see a nearby dog spring to attention picking up on a sound that at this point was inaudible to human ears.

Then I heard her.

“Critter!” Was heard the shrill but pleasant voice that belonged to The T shirt Queen of the 400 Market.

I spun around and prepared for our customary hug.

She, Crusty along with Ray and Blondezilla had showed up to support this event once again and were making their way across the field toward me.

The Show and Shine out of the way they moved on to the other games, slow races, passenger pick up, the tire pull, wienie bite and the drag races along with the eve

r popular pick up stick and tug of war.

These games have always been down and dirty and full of grit and these folks prove that that they are true hard core biker folks and worthy of the title.

They don’t let a little thing like age slow them down or dissuade them from competition.

They do what has to be done and get it done.

That is what I love about this event and what keeps me coming back year after year.

Don’t get me wrong. I attend lots of events each year and I enjoy them all (If I didn’t I would write that too along with my reasons for my opinion to which I am entitled.) and they all have a distinct flavor and feel to them. This one just exudes grit from the minute you ride through the gate. It always has and always will.

When you field a crew that is made up of real hard core, stand up people, that is what you get.

I can’t list them all and I don’t want to exclude anyone but when see older members like Wolfy, Denny, Vinnie and Haircut along with the women like HRH Tracy, Sophie Are you or your club looking at an effective way to show your support to our troops?

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund might be the answer.

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund supports Canadian service members who are wounded during operations.

From the outset of the healing process, we hope to improve the general morale and welfare of the soldiers and their families.

How can you help?

Send a donation, Have a club charity event, Pass the word to other riders Send donations or correspondence to:

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund 81 Ingram Dr. Toronto, sales@altimategear.com

www.altimategear.com

THE RIDER’S MAG

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For more information email: info@woundedwarriors.ca or Check out the website:

www.woundedwarriors.ca

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) and all the rest who are not afraid to compete alongside and against all comers in these balls to the wall events despite not being exactly Spring chickens and still showing the younger folks how its done and not one of them is willing to give up their well-earned titles of winners without a fight it gives me hope for the future of this lifestyle that we have come to love.

There is some great competitions here and many a grudge match is settled or left to be settled again next year.

There are some strong competitors such as Clint who comes out to win and as usual racked up some serious hardware to figure out how to get home.

The day flew by and it brought several pleasant surprises one being the appearance of Larry and Nancy Pooler who are getting back out there after several not so great years and looking fantastic and I got to sit and talk to them a while before having to get back to work when the setup for the wienie bite competition was complete and the contestants lined up to take a shot at being The Wienie Queen of 2011.

There was a lot of talk throughout the day about the previous night’s wet t shirt winner. The winner was Sue Edwardson who along wither husband Bob own and operate the Stone Fountain Motel and she beat competed against her own Granddaughter to take home the prize. Way to go Sue! You’re never too old!

The games over and the awards handed out and it was time for me to say my goodbyes and head for home.

Thanks for another great day!

See you next year.

Renegades Summer Bash –Aug. 2011 I had been hearing about this event for a while now and was invited but I’m never sure what else is going to come up with the Mag so I wasn’t certain if I’d be able to make it.

However things fell into place and it was set.

I was going.

I packed Petoonia and rode over to Dusty and Jaye’s place to rendezvous with other friends.

Jaye and Dusty were all ready to roll as was Dee who was joining our merry band for the day.

The weather forecasts were less than favourable; in fact they were just plain awful!

A litany of miserable conditions, none of them conducive to outdoor activities and or motorcycle events such as what we were heading to were what was being listed on all the weather forecasts.

We search them all and just pick the one that we like the best. But today they were all in agreement. It was going to Suck, Bang and Blow (Wouldn’t that be a great name for a Bar?)!

But WTF? Not attending wasn’t up for discussion.

How wet we were going to get however, and how much rain gear would we take was the topic of discussion for the morning.

It was still holding off and at times little patches of blue sky could be seen behind the grey foreboding masses that blocked the sun and challenged us to come out and play.

“Fuck you!” I muttered hoisting a defiant (You figure out which one.) digit contemptuously to the heavens.

“You don’t scare us! You may well scare lesser bikers into staying at home but not us Bitch!”

There was a sudden, thunderous roar!

I prepared for the bolt of lightning that I was positive was coming next.

“Wow she is real Bitchy today…..and sensitive!” I thought to myself while bracing for the jolt that would surely strike me dead.

It was Big Scott and Sensational Sylvia coming to join us for the day’s adventure.

“You OK?” Scott asked.

“Fine! I just dropped something!” I replied as I crawled out from under the picnic table. “Those pipes of yours are real loud!”

We headed out under those ominous clouds onto our next rendezvous location in Port Perry where we were joined by Cliff and Michelle and then on to the party.

If you have never been to Docville, do yourself a favour and check it out.

It is a Western town that Mr. Holliday has constructed on his property just outside of Newcastle and it is a place to experience.

It is so well suited to this type of party as it lends an atmosphere and creates a distinctive mood to the event and makes it even more special. The artifacts and antiques that Doc has accumulated over the years give it an authentic, rustic charm and character. He also rents it out to the film industry on occasion as a movie set.

We rolled into this great little property and stopped at the gate to register.

I hadn’t seen Ya Ya for a while and took the opportunity to catch up on things that had been happening in his world.

We found parking for the bikes and then on to the party.

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Serving Southern Ontario THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 37

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Big Lurch came over to me and leaned into me to speak (Actually he had to lean down to me. That’s why they call him Lurch!) “We don’t have any 50 for you yet Critter as we didn’t know you were coming, but a prospect is on his way to the beer store as we speak.”

“You guys don’t have to do that for me.” I said, quite flattered and surprised.

Nope we want you to be happy and we’re happy you could make it, we know you’re busy.

Scotty came rushing over to say hello.

“I didn’t think you were going to come but my ‘ol lady was certain. She says I have a feeling he will be here.” He blurted.

“You certainly make me feel welcome.” I replied.

I wandered off to explore this fantastic place shake some hands and get some pictures.

Krazy Doug was manning the grill and barbeque station and would disappear occasionally behind the smoke as he cooked mountains of great looking burgers and sausages and other good stuff.

There was a constant roar of motorcycles that filled the air and reverberated throughout this picturesque piece of real estate that Doc calls home and it told me that the Renegades party was going to be a huge success.

Someone came over and handed me an ice cold 50.

I smiled said thank you and took a big sip, looked up and the sky was clear blue, the sun shone brightly and the birds were singing loudly to be heard over the sound of all those motorcycles (Us Roving Reporters have very keen senses. It’s all in the training manual.) and it was another good day in Critter Country. I raised my bottle in a salute to the Heavens and Old Mother Nature.

“Sorry about that Bitch crack a while ago.” I muttered.

Store Hours: Just then a small bird Mon. - Fri. : 10:00 - 6:00 Saturday: 10:00 - 3:00 swooped from its perch Closed: Sunday in a nearby tree and crapped right on my hat.

“OK I guess we’re even?” I mumbled as I wiped the offensive deposit from my hat with a Kleenex. ”Bitch!” I muttered very quietly. I had the uneasy feeling

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though that all wasn’t quite forgiven and she wasn’t quite done with me yet.

Scotty bellowing through the bull horn announced that the games were about to begin and we should all get our asses down to where they had laid out pylons and such.

They had the usual slow race, plank race using a fire house as a substitute, wienie bite and then the ladies pick-up sticks.

The participation levels were high as lots of riders were anxious to prove that they were the best.

When it came down to the pick-up sticks game it came down to a hard fought battle between two of my favourite couples; Dusty and Jaye and Ty and Michelle (Of Suck, Bang, Blow fame) and they entertained the crowd with their grit, tenacity and the fact that they both look so damn fine didn’t hurt a bit (Not Dusty and Ty. Jaye and Michelle.).

When the dust settled, however, it was Michelle that was the victor but a warm friendship was established as she and Jaye hugged then went off to compare war wounds and battle scars or whatever and made sure that they would be allies and not adversaries in the up-coming tug of war.

All the while bikes kept rolling in and the place was packed.

One of the two bands began to play and it was time to mix and mingle and wander through the place.

Teams were being put together and strategies formed for the Tug of War that was going to be taking place soon.

There was some heavy duty competition on both the men’s and the women’s competition and it would not be an easy win for any particular team for either sex.

In the end the victory went to the Aces and Eights team for the men and the ladies team (I don’t think they had a particular name) but Jaye and Michelle were on the winning side.

I stayed longer than I expected as I waited for the prizes to be handed out and one of my favourite bands, Zed Head was playing and I had to check them out!

I figured I’d be riding out alone but those who rode in with me decided that they too would hit the road.

I made my rounds saying my goodbyes and gathered up our little group as I went.

Now, however the black clouds had come back around, with a vengeance and brought with them loud claps of thunder and very intense lightning strikes that lit up the sky for miles around.

We dug out our foul weather gear and suited up.

It looked had the potential to be an intense and interesting ride home.

However it didn’t amount to much and we all made it back none the worse for wear and in good spirits.

Another wonderful day in Critter Country was at an end.

Thanks all!

See you next year!

Aces and Eight’s – 2nd Annual Tour for Kids/Corn Roast It was a great day to go for a ride anywhere but I really like this house and these guys (And not just because they keep 50 in stock for me! You guys think I’m that shallow?) As it is a great place to kick back with good people and look out onto all the rolling hills and the view that goes on forever.

It is a well-kept place and you always feel welcome here.

Then there are Bird-man’s eagles that are a real attention grabber for all who come here. Even when you’ve seen them before they still hold an attraction and you are drawn to them.

I rolled down the long driveway and parked Petoonia in the line of bikes trying to stay out where I wouldn’t get blocked in as I would only be able to hang around for a few hours as I still had lots to do in preparation for my

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Show and Shine the next day up in Barrie.

The occasion for 2396 Queensway Drive – this get together was, as the title of this piece would suggest The Tour for Kids (T4K) Burlington L7R 3T3 which is a 4 day cycling (The ones you peddle.) event that raises money for three Oncology Camps for children in Ontario. They are Camp Quality, ! Harley-Davidson Camp Trillium and Camp Oochigeas.

These camps give children living with cancer and a ! All Makes - All Models welcome break from their daily struggles and allow them the opportunity, for a brief period, to just be kids! ! Service The camps also provide much needed relief for not just the children who live with this dreaded disease but their ! Parts & Accessories families as well, from the stress that can be overwhelming.

Many of those who have attended these camps cite their ! Sales time spent there as life-changing and critical in helping them cope with their illness. ! Consignment Sales Tour for Kids has been doing this for eight years and to date has raised over ten million dollars 100% of which goes directly to the camps.

C y c l i s t ’s r e g i s t r a t i o n a n d Corporate sponsors cover all administration and logistical costs of the events.

The Aces and Eights Motorcycle Club has committed itself and its members to furthering this cause and the money raised from this year’s event will send five children to camp for a week.

They have only just begun!

Next year on Aug. 25, 2012 they will do it all again bigger and better and they will make a difference!

Confidential. Reasonable.

They had some vendors set up and I wandered over to check them out.

Please Call Denise @ (905) 866-4272 Lace who is quite an accomplished artist had some of her paintings as well events. as several other artists work on display.

I fell in love with and purchased a couple of paintings myself and I know Their hospitality is second to none and the food the serve is nothing short of spectacular. It’s no wonder they do so well in the Tug of war with the way many others were sorting through them as well.

Also there was a lady selling some fine looking jewelry and other items and CONTINUED ON PAGE 52 they both seemed to be doing very well.

I sauntered into the bar and was handed a nice cold 50.

“You guys Rock!” I exclaimed after taking a nice long pull on the can!

They just smiled back knowing Charity Bike Night that they made an old man happy.

Food-Music-Door Prizes Guardrail and a crew of All Makes & Queensmen as were members of the Brotherhood, Perfect Pigs and Models Welcome many others were in attendance June 21, 2012 and it is always good to see all of 5 - 9pm those guys.

All Proceeds to be The Aces and Eights are a stand donated to a local up bunch of people and well Family in need respected by all clubs and it is Rain Date June 28th evident in who shows up to their

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Ladies and their Harley’s

This month's feature lady is Maria and she shot us off a pic of this beautiful new trike that she acquired from the local Harley dealer in March of last year. This gal does some serious riding and forgetting the fact that she has amassed 16,000 km’s since March of last year on this bike is only the beginning saying that one month after getting this brand new $39,000 ride it had a serious oil leak and had to be sent in for service.

When she came to visit the bike in the service department where they were busy trying to assess the reason for the oil leak she saw the bike with the engine torn down in so many pieces and freaked out about her brand new purchase sitting in pieces. She picked up the phone and called HarleyDavidsons head office and told them that she didn't think that a one month old bike should be like this and demanded a brand new bike, although she did settle for a brand new engine.

Once the new power plant was installed in the bike she was off and riding again saying that she has ridden most of the province of Ontario including some spots that are well known for bugs the size of small cars but then that's one

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of the upsides of the trike, that they keep the bugs off the rider. Maria says she was just anxious to get out and ride.

Maria had rode on the back for many years and had always wanted to get a ride of her own and about 3 years ago she did get her own ride purchasing a midsized metric bike. As for obtaining her license she says she did not go to the local school to take the course saying not only did she do it all on her own when it came to learning riding but that she also got her license on her own as well.

Once she experienced the freedom of riding her own machine as opposed to sitting on the back she got a little crazy and rode a little too aggressively.

She says that she had a pretty dramatic accident but to her good fortune she was not severely injured nor was the bike totalled, saying that she did not have to spend an extended period of time in the hospital, did not require surgeries just needed to get it all sorted out in her mind.

She returned to

Ladies and their Harley’s She is really in love with this ride since she got it despite some issues other than replacing that 103� engine in the first month.

She was on a local ride last year with friends when she was rear ended by another bike having the right rear fender replaced and saying that it now has some unique squeaks in the back end since that fender was replaced, also the speedometer was also replaced under warranty although she did not specify reasons but we can assume it stopped working and was replaced.

Maria likes to ride so much that she says she really never took the bike off the road for the winter this past year which as we all know would be an outstanding decision as we found ourselves in the midst of one of the mildest winters that anyone can remember and spring actually started back in march with bikes

riding on the back for a short period of time but became just as frustrated as before and decided that she was gonna ride one way or the other but maybe 2 wheels was not the answer she was looking for so she ordered up a trike kit for her metric bike and had it installed locally and got back on and started riding again a couple of years ago.

Once she was confident on her first three wheeler she decided that it was the right solution for her and her desire to ride her own ride and she sold her metric trike and purchased her Harley-Davidson trike which I believe the factory started producing a few years back as an ongoing model after watching a number of dealerships converting some of the 2 wheelers into trikes.

Since she got the new powerplant installed into this brand new trike back in the spring of last year she has down some serious riding racking up an impressive 16,000 kms riding throughout the province and has been busy blinging the bike out, as she calls it. Putting some blinged out bezels around the gauges in the fairing of the bike and having added a wide variety of chrome to the exterior of the bike.

on the road in southern Ontario in record numbers during the month of march.

She also rode down to Port Dover for Friday the 13th in April this year saying that she was riding with her guy and his older Decker decided to quit on the ride into town. He had to summon a trailer to come and pick the bike up, and she offered to ride him down on the back of her trike but he declined the offer but did say he would ride her bike down if she wanted to ride on the back again.

Well Maria wanted to go to Dover bad enough and of course she had ridden on the back many times before although never on her own bike but because she really wanted to go she agreed to let him sit up front and ride the trike the rest of the way to town that day and also all the way back the following day as they had stayed overnight in town.

Despite the rain the following day the ride back on the trike was fast and stress free as its three wheel stability was excellent for the less than favourable weather.

Maria is planning a trip to the west coast this summer and she's already booked the month of July off to accomplish it and her guy has also booked this time off. As for future plans they hope to ride to some of the major events in the United States in years to come, once the minor issue of some paperwork is taken care of. As you can tell she's not the sort to be held back, she just loves to ride.

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) We overcame the temptation to phone them and say “Where the fuck are you guys? Didn’t anyone tell you we were having a party? Its CB’s fucking Birthday! Let’s get on it!”

We instead put our papers back in our wallets and went on in unimpeded to what may well have been the best party of the year!

CB was there in his usual spot, large and in charge and sucking back the 50s that everyone kept dropping on the bar in front of him.

It was a great night indeed.

I got to talk to friends I haven’t seen in a while and strike up some new acquaintances throughout the evening.

I walked around drank a few 50’s, shot the shit and got a bunch of pictures and time flew by.

It soon became evident that our early departure that had been promised had been delayed indefinitely as we now had a whole bus full of partiers that first had to be gathered up and loaded into the party bus and then had to be driven to destinations not on the original route.

Between the singing and Brent’s farting it wasn’t always that pleasant either.

It was now 3:45 AM and it was clear that in order for me to get what had to be done in my studio, get stuff together, have a shower (so I wouldn’t stink JR out of his place) and still make my arrival in Burlington by 8:00 AM sleep was not going to happen.

I determined from Godzilla’s look and demeanor as to what list I was on, and figured that I’d might as well just carry on what I was doing.

Such is life in Critter Country!

Happy Birthday CB!!!!!!!

Let’s do it again next year!

Don’t invite the Cops again. It was a refreshing change!

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My apologies to The PDR for not making it out to their “On the Road Party” but I can only squeeze just so much into a day and legally get around.

My apologies and condolences go out to Fuse, family and friends for missing the funeral of “Chico” as my work and schedule had me in a different place at that time. L&R. I did make it out to The Aces and Eights for their “On the Road Party” at least for a short time.

They are a great crew of people and it would be easy to lose myself and spend time at their wonderful house and just kick back. Maybe one day I will, but not today I had things to do early the next day which required me to still put in some time in the office that day so I would be prepared for tomorrow.

I wandered around getting some pictures, catching up on happenings in our World.

Along with members of the Biker World the party had caught the attention and brought out a large contingent of the local constabulary who had cruisers parked throughout the area.

While they did hassle some of The Queensmen and issue a couple of tickets and while one cop even trudged through a field so as to get a couple of better photographs of the gathering from a better vantage point (Note to Cops; Henry’s is having a sale on some kick-ass telescopic lenses that will save your boots from getting all muddy…….wait that isn’t mud………..eewww!) they, for the most-part were ok and when I left I didn’t see hide nor hair of them. Then again there were no donut shops on my route home.

Thanks for the invite and the hospitality!

Have a great season guys!

See you out there!

JOKE PAGE proud of yourself!" "While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care." The man broke down and sobbed. The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just screwin' with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head CONTINUED ON PAGE 46

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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DANNI’S TIMES Hamilton’s Biker Church, Motorcycle Flea Market was met with serious success. Even with rain and over cast skies, they had a record attendance..

Rhona and Carol had a booth and really had a success with their merchandise but both mentioned the great people who appeared there..Pastor Ken has suffered the loss of his Dad, I would like to send our condolences...

To Bikers Church in Ottawa, they suffered the loss of one of their brothers..Condolences gentlemen, I went two seasons ago to their huge August event and enjoyed every moment I was there.

My long standing story of working with a Homeless Vet continues. I have not ever had an Agency help my brother but each and every Politician did steer me right on achieving some of his needs. Like I mention often talking to people, I asked for an Army sleeping bag, one was all I needed, there was not one offer.. Does help really exist? I have never seen any on the streets nor a mention from anyone to call, this person if requiring something. So I need to be more convinced of these Agencies that do all the talk.. walk or even walk at all. My one grave concern is the addiction that hangs like a haze over the streets in Montreal.

The HHR Ride is approaching and it will be a glorious day on the roads with respect being most prevalent. To see people on the overpass waving at the motorcycles makes one feel so worthy. All the Vets that will be involved, just a great day here in Ontario on June 2nd . A day for motorcyclists to show thanks to our very precious soldiers who endured hell overseas and at times even here..Let's make this day very special...

Veterans Affaires is aware but the people who work there are limited, we need to yell our story so money is allocated to such a fund..There are 15,000 homeless people on the streets, and 19 Homeless Vets.. My brother has had his skull split open in a robbery where his money was taken for drugs. .He has a scar from his eye to the back of his head.. Great isn’t it.. I haven’t seen anyone out there when we walk the streets. I ask, you know where you can find help…I get the same answer, no-one cares, and I do see this.. I was there cognitively strong looking for help..imagine not strong.

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Men and Women have gone to Battle. Men are not the only ones that face addiction. The only activity overseas is drinking, some have admitted to having smoke also after all they are in Afghanistan. We know ourselves addiction is strong amongst the women alone in our biker community..

There have been Ladies who have had serious addictions in the motorcycle community and had to be left behind because what you do in your home or backyards is your business but when you do it in Public it becomes Public knowledge if you like it or not. Addictions are not the top subject of Vets.. I wonder why. Addictions are strong, in your face there.. Drinking is an addiction but it was condoned while men were overseas. It had to be supplied by some-one. Did the ladies not drink?

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Page 44

DANNI’S TIMES If a Vet has anger problems, addiction or have attempted suicide are not criteria for entry into treatment centers .Any addiction class will tell you, anger, addiction can lead to suicide. This is what addiction is..

What about the women who have come back? Are they getting help? Is it offered, is there easy access to info if not readily in your face..

I have been fortunate I had 2 members of our motorcycle community travel

with us to see that my brother was receiving help. They saw the sad state of affairs that exist on the darkened streets of Montreal. I have strangers who saw the darkened truth.

Our Ladies group is tackling the addiction avenue.. Diva Dar has years of Counseling and myself I go weekly for guidance to speak with a person with addictions. .It’s a skill, to pay attention to a person stoned or drunk..It helps us to identify markers of an addict. Maybe we can save just one person..Not asking a lot..We have communicated with a lot of individuals who are working in their fields with the Homeless Vets so an answer could be in the near future.. Or ways to make an answer.. Make a change to what really has been going on..

It has just not made an appearance, it been there but never uncovered enough to show help is needed…Since my journey started, I have only heard words from so many people..but with Veterans Affaires, I must say, Thanks because of these workers who work there, they have shown support and shown support to my brother when no community gave a hoot.. Hands on is what is needed...Words are cheap..nothing happens Happy Birthday wishes going out to Carol,Anvil, Marisa, KJ. Mary Summer months aren’t they great times to celebrate birthday wishes...We will see you at the HHR....Smoke Out.. And on the roads...We are doing our yearly calendar for our charity and we will be out there on the roads..We are actually going to Quebec to do a shoot..stories and more stories to be told...

RIDE SAFE DANNI

THE RIDER’S MAG

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oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

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cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the

point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe www.rnrcustomcycle.com came from my hair. I'm still looking for Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service my testicles and I'm offering a Complete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order significant reward for their safe return!

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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CONTINUED ON PAGE 53

RIP Respects to Gerry “Chico” McQuestion

by Cookie th

It was a terrible day on Saturday, April 28 , 2012, when the phone call came that Chico was gone.

2 years ago, when the diagnosis came back that he had chest and brain cancer, the prognosis was excellent. Remove the tumor out of the brain, have some radiation, and you will live another 5 years plus. The chest cancer was treated and remained in remission. Surgery, treatments and finally, last summer, he was home and well enough to get back on his decker and ride. Simply amazing, some would say. , that after going through what Chico went through, he was bound and determined to NOT stop being who he was, or let something as stupid as some cancer put him down.

I’ve found through my experience, that sickness changes people. Gives them a different outlook on life and the people and things around them.

Chico was no different. He knew he had a disease, and he was going to fight the bitch as hard as he could and win. And he did. For a little while at least....

The doctors had warned him that radiation on the brain COULD POSSIBLY cause side effects that would be debilitating, but being the man that he was, Chico was again, bound and determined to kick the bitch out of his body and keep on living the solid, respectful, honest, true life that he’d already lived for the past 67 years. Coming out of his treatments, he would spend time on his yacht that was floating in Hastings, ON at the marina. Surrounded by his wife, sons, kids and grandkids, loving life and doing what he did so well.

Being the “Godfather” of the family meant that all his offspring, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, looked up to him, respected him and honored him on a daily basis. He kept in close touch with his sons and made sure he or they touched base every single day. And that’s something to be proud of.

I met Chico through his son, Fuse, at a Brotherhood MC Party. Chico was., at the time, working the “Program” to become a full patch member, and when w e w e r e introduced, it was like the 2 of us were destined to become great friends.

Through the years, we became MUCH more than that (In my opinion, anyhow)....

Chico and his wife Sherry and I became fast friends. We would talk almost daily, and the love and acceptance that they both showed me and my kids, was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was Chico’s sons friend, and yet Chico took the time, made the effort, and we got to know each other very well.

When I managed to achieve my

learners permit for my motorcycle license in 2008, Chico was the first person to offer to ride with me and teach me what his 60 years in the saddle of a bike could teach me. After a summer filled with a whole ton of miles and smiles, Chico honored me by telling me I could follow him to the ends of the earth, and that I rode better than some of his club brothers did. THAT statement made me cry...

Fall & the festive season approached, and treatments continued. Spring arrived, and we all were invited to celebrate Spring, and the coming of Chico’s 68th birthday at his property in Havelock. It was a gorgeous weekend, and the whole family was there, so many pictures and great memories happened.

In retrospect, I think Easter weekend was the last True GOOD weekend that was celebrated there. Weather proved awesome for riding, so Chico & Sherry got back in the saddle for a couple trips, then the unthinkable happened. While pulling out of their parking spot at the Havelock Tim Horton’s, Chico got cut off, and unfortunately, the bike fell to the right, and snapped his ankle BAD. Back to the hospital, surgery, pins and recuperation CON’T ON PG 50

THE RIDER’S MAG

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BRO Cover the Kids Run Rose T.

Well it is official….riding season is here! The first Saturday in May is always BRO’s Cover the Kids Run and it is a tradition to make it out to Lakeside Park in Port Dalhousie to meet up with old friends that you haven’t seen since last riding season. About 30 Niagara HOG members met at Prudhommes in Vineland to ride in together. The Iron Riders from Hamilton rode into Prudhommes also to get a coffee and warm up. Off we went down the service rode and into Port Dalhousie.

The sun was shining but the north wind off Lake Ontario made for a cool morning to stand around and socialise. We met up with a number of different riders from different clubs and everyone was in great spirits despite the cold wind. Around noon, more Niagara HOG members joined us and the parking lot was starting to fill up. I figured there were around 300 bikes when we left the park at 1:00.

I have to say, it was one of the oddest group rides I’ve done with BRO and not because of them, but because of the different things that happened along the route.

We were only a couple of miles down Lakeshore Rd. when the police made us detour through a subdivision because of an accident on Lakeshore.

The lead bikes followed a city bus through a quiet neighbourhood. I can just imagine what was going

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We were told before the ride started that a film crew was making a movie and they wanted everyone to pull into King’s Bridge Park so they could get some footage.

From there the usual peeling off of bikes to go to the Riverside, Boathouse and Timmie’s was happening.

I spoke to Bill, a BRO member, and BRO figured they had about 275 people come back to their field.

Bill said the line-ups for tickets, food and drinks were long when the pack first arrived around 4:00. People started leaving shortly after the door prizes raffle and the 50/50 was drawn.

The band played a couple more songs and at around 7:00 they called it a day. A good day it was…..a little cool but fun.

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Page 48

RIP Respects to Gerry “Chico” McQuestion

by Cookie was now the summer’s events, so the bike got parked, and between physio therapy appointments, and visits to the Cancer Doctors in Kingston, Sherry & Chico managed to get some much needed rest & relaxation on their yacht. Chico’s son, Shawn, was always there to assist his dad with anything that needed doing on the boat, and at home, so it was a relief to the rest of the kids and family, knowing that Chico was in good hands, and still able to function and get things done, even though he was in constant pain with his ankle, never mind the changes that were starting to show up as a result of the brain surgery and treatments he was receiving.

Fall arrived, and suddenly things changed again. Chico was getting dizzy again, and having trouble walking. We weren’t sure at that time, whether it was due to the ankle surgery, or effects of the treatment. Back to Kingston for more tests, and the next diagnosis was something that Chico, Sherry, and the rest of the family were dreading to hear.... He was diagnosed with Encephalitis on the brain (water), as a direct result of the Radiation treatments. They went past the point of no return with the treatments, to ensure that all the cancer was gone, and that he’d healed... but they did damage..... and that damage is irreversible. The doctors asked Chico what he wished to do, and his choices weren’t very many. Convalescence home, palliative care in hospital, or back home to die.

Not a whole lot of choices... not a good prognosis.... now the tears begin to roll.

Chico chose to go home.

His functionality became less and less as days w e n t b y.

The dizziness got so bad that he couldn’t walk at all, any more, nor was he able to eat very much. By the

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holidays of 2011/12, he was bedridden.

Myself, and Pastor Dave Neals, of Kawartha Bikers Church decided that it was time to start regular visits to ensure that Chico was maintaining faith in his healing, and to give prayers and hope to Chico. I watched, week by week, as the wonderfully opinionated, strong, force of a man was dwindled down, deteriorating like his brain cells were... and my heart ached for Sherry’s suffering, as well as Chico’s and the rest of the families sorrow as well. I would give weekly updates to his son Fuse, my friend and “brother from another mother” as I’ve grown to call him.... And each time, I had less positive things to report, and the sadness would overcome me at times, but I knew I would keep up my vigils... out of respect, out of love and out of honor to this wonderful family that accepted me into theirs.

I was at Fuse’s house when the calls came, that Chico had taken his last breath. I couldn’t answer the phone, even though I knew who was calling, but I also knew, that at that time of night, there would only be one reason that Sherry would call. I was all alone, waiting for Fuse and some of his brothers to arrive, and I sat and cried. And Cried and Cried. I said my goodbyes, and a few prayers, until I could hug Fuse and share the sorrow with him.

When, a few days later, Fuse asked me to be a pall bearer for his father and family, I was deeply honored to accept that responsibility. I’ve never been one, and knew that this responsibility was a great honor and an opportunity to show the family how much I loved and appreciated Chico.

The viewing was held on Saturday, May 5th, at the Northview Community Church, in Peterborough, ON. Pall bearers were to be there at 8 am, in order to transfer Chico from the Harley Hearse into the church to prepare for the visitors and the viewing. Viewing was from 9-11 am, and at 11, the casket was closed, and the service began. It was beautiful, wonderful, heartwrenching and heart breaking to watch the sorrow on the family’s faces, and my kids having experienced their first true funeral, were having a hard time coping with seeing their friend in a casket, and the grief on the faces of the mourners. I did my best to maintain a modicum of composure, but at the end of the service, there was a picture dvd played, and the tears just burst forth, uncontrolled, and flowed down my face, as I again, said good-bye to my friend, mentor and teacher.

Sunday May 6th, was Chico’s final Ride. We gathered again in Peterborough, but this time, we were at Kaye Funeral Home in the downtown core of the city. It seemed that somehow word had gotten out that Chico’s son is a Hells Angels MC member, and the blatant show of DIS-respect upon our arrival, was tantamount to an insult, when we realized that not only were the local press present to tape the mourners, but the BEU had arrived as well.

They weren’t stopping us, and they weren’t hassling us, but simply by their presence, did they put a sour note to what was supposed to be a solemn and respect filled day.

Kickstands up promptly at 10 am, I was now a passenger on my own bike, since one of Fuse’s brothers was without his bike at the time, so we took up our block position and allowed the procession to commence. Chico’s son, Fuse, positioned directly behind the hearse, alongside Sherry and her son Dave on Chico’s decker, as they escorted the man they loved to his final resting place. Hells Angels MC members ran block, with a few others stepping in to assist when needed, but since Chico was their brothers son, it was out of sheer respect and honor that this was being done. As a pall bearer, and passenger on a bike ridden by a full member, I was able to be a

RIP Respects to Gerry “Chico” McQuestion

by Cookie part of the blocking, as well as hold a respectful position within the pack.

We took a leisurely ride from Peterborough, through Port Perry, and linked up with the 407 Toll road for the long ride to Niagara Falls. Along the route, it was pre-scheduled that we would slow our pace to allow for others who were unable to make it to Peterborough by 10 am to join in the ride procession. The pack grew and grew as more and more people joined the ride, and by the time we stopped for fuel in Stoney Creek, I’d lost count completely. By the time we pulled into the cemetery in Niagara Falls, there HAD TO be 150+ bikes with passengers in the mix. I never did get a final count.

Pall bearers gathered, and we lifted my friend for his last move from the Harley Hearse to his final resting place. The tears threatened to flow, but I held them back as best I could. It was so sad and heartbreaking to see the sorrow on the family’s faces again, as they knew that this was it, the final moments, to touch, see and say good-bye to their dad, granddad, husband and friend.

Sherry thanked those gathered, and the rest of the people that were there.

Asked the family to hold their hands over their hearts and pledge themselves to the family. Honor, respect and love.

As they lowered the casket into the ground, I couldn’t hold back anymore, and the tears flowed again. The cemetery people removed the carpeting, and the family lined up, all with shovels in their hands. Sherry placed the first shovel of dirt on Chico. Then Fuse, and the rest of the brothers, then the daughters, and finally the rest of the family did so as well. I had removed a rose from the casket bouquet, and stood, at the head of Chico’s grave, and cried, while watching every person present this day, who rode in respect and honor of a great man, and family, bury him... shovel by shovel full till it was done. When the final shovel of dirt covered my friend, and those gathered began to depart, I knelt down, and placed the rose, patted the dirt, said a prayer, and said good-bye.

I know the family would like to thank many people for all their help and loyalty throughout Chico’s illness and death. Kawartha Biker’s Church, Pastor Dave and Karen Neals, Central East Community Care Access Centre, BootHill Hearses, Kaye Funeral Home, and the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club are just a few of those who assisted and were a part of a solemn day, honoring a wonderful man, who was respected to the end... and beyond.

Gone, But Never Forgotten Love, Respect, Strength & Honour Another Angel is born....

Till we meet again in Harley Heaven, my friend....

Cookie

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter)

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I couldn’t stay long as I said and didn’t stick around for the food but I sure had a ball while I was there.

Great day! Great cause! Great job!

Thanks guys.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Full throttle Rodeo This event has always proved to be a great time.

I was here last year for Bernie Guindon’s wedding which was piggy-backed on top of the Rodeo but I made the Wedding the main thrust of my article in the Mag but still covered the Rodeo on my website with a full slideshow of pictures.

The other difference between this year and last is that I reversed the order in which event I would do first.

I covered the Smoke-out on the same day last year and ended up leaving there early to cover the Wedding.

This year I rode across to Fenelon Falls early and had intended to get in some of the events before heading across to do the Smoke-out.

Well it didn’t go exactly as planned as they didn’t start the games while I was there.

That is the trouble with having so few to do so much and we just can’t be everywhere. But we do try.

It was a fantastic ride across as the twisty roads, big sweeping turns and great scenery that combined to make it interesting and a lot of fun.

I arrived at the Stone Fountain Motel which serves as an excellent venue for this event and was greeted at the gate and waved on through where I parked Petoonia in a nice spot that would enable us to make our exit when the time came.

The Magnificent Michelle (Yes the Suck Band Blow girl again! She is in more places than I am. Maybe JR will give her a job.) and Ty were right there as I parked and passed on some Suck, Bang, Blow panties for me in turn, to pass on to her new friend and ally Jaye who was at the Smoke-out.

She of course had her great looking bike with the Lizard skin paintjob entered in the Show and Shine and they were both anxious to take part in the games.

There were a lot of great looking bikes entered in that show and shine with more arriving all the time.

It sure had the makings of a great time.

Great venue, great weather, great people, great music, great looking motorcycles and lots of fine looking women, just add beer and you’ve got it beat!

It was a great time wandering through as there are so many people that I know here and it turns into a regular gab fest as I make why way through trying to remember to take pictures not just shake hands hug and talk.

It’s a lot to ask of one tired old fart but I do my best.

I ran into Bob Edwardson, owner of Full Throttle Cycle and explained that I couldn’t stay that long but I wanted to get by for a visit and check out the event.

They have a great set-up for the games and they have some good ones and get great participation and it was a shame to have not been able to take in some of them but when I commit to something I show up.

I showed up here and now it was time to make my way back across the same roads and head on to my next event for the day.

JOKE PAGE I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Ridley's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Jackie) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. She then beat the shit out of me....

Women have always been hard for me to figure out.

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'. 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. 'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'. The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer. Later when the lesson turn s to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada . Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast. When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question. Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.

That's why I got bugger all for breakfast' Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday." On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well , your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up

drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful How did you do it? " "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "Wow!" says the judge.

"156 people! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison..................

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court

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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.'

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 53

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www.martinscustommotorcycles.com detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah.

Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?'

I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.

The

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The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she's there”

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Once there were twin brothers by the name of Jones. John Jones was married, and Joe Jones was single. The single brother Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat. It happened that John Jone's wife died the same day that Joe's rowboat filled with water and sank. A few days later, A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and a kindly old lady met Joe and mistaken him for John said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear of your great loss, you must feel terrible". Joe smiled and said, "Well I am not a bit sorry, she was rather old from th e start. Her bottom was all chewed up and she smelled of dead fish.

Even the first time I got into her, she made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad crack and a pretty big hole in her front, and that hole got bigger every time I used her. It got so I could barely handle her, but if anyone !Financing Avaliable else used her she leaked like anything. The thing that finished her was four guys from the !Family Owned & Operated other side of town. They came down looking for !Since 1958 a good time and asked if I could lend her to them. I warned them she wasn't so hot, but they could take a crack at her if they liked. Well, the result was the crazy fools tried to get inside her all at once and it was too much for her. She

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