2012-08 v14-n06

Vol.14 #6 THE

RIDER’S MAG

Aug. ‘12

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

Harleys by the Beach

Aces & 8’s Christmas in July

FREE Falcons MC Support the Troops Bash

Joke Page Friday the 13th

Feature Bike

What’s Shakin

We Support the Troops The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 2

WELCOME TO

THE

RIDER’S MAG

www.hipscycle.ca

900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Rider's Mag. The weather has been great...a little hot but better than snow. Hope you are all enjoying the bike nights and outdoor events. make sure you tell them that you saw it advertised here. Enjoy the summer months and see you at the events.

TABLEOFCONTENTS Under the Gun (Critter makes some noise) On the Road (The publisher grinds his axe) Rocky’s Harleys by the beach (Al heads out to the strip for some racing) Aces & 8’s Christmas in July (Critter pulls double duty, in the rain!)

What’s Shakin (Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page (Time to Bust a Gut) Fucking Low Harley (Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church (Pastor Dave and motorcycles) Falcons MC Support the Troops Bash (Tim hangs out with the Vets and Parties) A.O.A. Memorial Field Day (The club remembers fallen brothers) Bobcaygeon Bikefest (Critter checks out the event up North) Thanks for the Mammeries (the breasts of Friday the 13th July 2012) Cruising with Critter (Critter recounts his travels in C.C.) Niagara H.O.G. Poker Run (Rosaire rides with Niagara H.O.G.) Ladies and their Harleys (Lady number 4 of 2012) Hawks Poker Run (Jon goes for a ride with the Hawks) Danni’s Times (A Ladies Perspective)

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Under the Gun!

by Rick

Personnel and equipment and an enormous waste of tax dollars that Wow this is getting wild out there. Shootings every day, people dying, could be better used to fight the real gangs. and innocent bystanders shot in what appears to be a huge gang problem that has gotten so out of control and it also appears that no We don’t have a huge Biker Threat that has been touted by the cops for clear solutions can be found. years as a reason to exist and increase budgets!

The main stream media just love it!

The imminent Biker War that the Cops have been predicting has never It is the lead story in every broadcast front page stories everyday all day, materialized and is never going to happen, it is just what they preach in order to increase their budgets and keep them watching tired old bikers victims’ families, witnesses, cops, politicians and just about anybody at instead of being deployed to areas of Toronto and such where they could all with or without a valid opinion to interview. Wow it’s a great time out get hurt because those mother fuckers got guns and they use them and there for them who sit like vultures just waiting for something like this to they aren’t afraid of Cops! happen so they van invent new catch phrases and names like “Summer of the Gun!” and stuff like that make their lives worthwhile. It is called Deploy the number of Cops that were at Port Dover in some of the opportunism. problem neighbourhoods like Jane and Finch and watch the Community that so wanted to see their streets safe reaction.

The knee jerk politicians love it because they get to be Crusaders and put forward their half-baked ideas as the only solutions in front of the Put one of the Command Busses and the hundreds of Cops who man cameras and try their damndest to look concerned and outraged and them on the streets in front of a biker party, in one of those troubled sympathetic to the victims, while keeping their minds focussed on their Communities just to take ID and take their pictures and see how long it own personal agendas and allegiances. It just adds to their list of takes before the howls for action turn to cries of Police Harassment and accomplishments that they will rely on when election time comes around. profiling!

It is called politicking.

This stuff just seems to be spiraling out of control and there is no end in The Chief of Police tries to reassure the public that he and his force have sight. everything under control and that it is a safe city yet he is still reeling The problem is widespread and definitely not just a Toronto problem, or from the whole G20 fiasco and knows that they are being ineffective in and Ontario problem or a Canadian problem, these vicious attacks like this situation. It is called self preservation. the Eaton Centre and now that horrendous incident in Denver are getting The Mayor holds press conferences and tells how he is going to get far too common and it seems that nothing that has been done has tough with all these “Spineless Cowards, thugs” and so on and putting stemmed the tide. on the best tough guy face that he can muster for the cameras. It is a There is no budget to put extra cops where they really need to be, but a blend of all of the above. huge force is available to go to Port Dover and to hang around a bunch Groups from the community rant that it not their fault that their kids are of bikers just in case a “Biker War” should break out. hoodlums, thugs and cold blooded killers. It is not their fault or a failure I think someone ought to re-evaluate the priorities and focus of the on their part that someone failed to raise Crime finders they aren`t finding it their kids with respect for themselves, their hanging around in huge numbers community, society as a whole, or human outside a biker party for an entire life, it is the Governments fault for not weekend with a huge squad of heavily spending enough money in the armed personnel armed with cameras to communities and creating programs to retake pictures of the same bikers again instill basic values that should have been and again and again and in the end take done since birth in the homes. It is called one or two motorcycles off the road for denial. safety violations or issue a couple of I can see losing control of situations and tickets under the HTA. asking for assistance but some or most of Is this Crime fighting at its best? the responsibility has to rest solidly on the But it’s not profiling, hate mongering, shoulders of the parents for failing to say fear mongering, discrimination or any of or do anything until someone gets shot. that bad stuff that they would be As for policing, which is always branded accused of if they were to use these as one of the major issues when things same methods and tactics in some of like this occur and chants go out for more the more troubled areas and it isn’t cops on the street! dangerous.

The Politicians cry for more cops!

No one is shooting at them here.

The police Chief, the Mayor, Council say They know most of us on a first name they don’t have the money for more cops basis. and say that the Provincial Government They are doing a job and getting paid should be giving them the funding and well for it. they in turn say it should be a Federal But is it real Crime fighting, or just a contribution to solve their problem. It is good, safe gig that pays well? called passing the buck.

Is it saving any lives or preventing some No money for all those cops to patrol of the real crime with real gangs with those dangerous streets, too bad, so sad! real guns that they have absolutely no OK, I got a deal on all these vests and patches and stuff.

We'll dress Here’s a thought why not take all those conscience or hesitation to use them a couple of hundred of our cops as Sons of Anarchy, a couple of cops that were on duty at Port Dover hundred as the Mayans. We can stage a huge battle in the middle wherever and whenever they chose? which was essentially traffic duty because of Town. We charge in and round them all up. We have the Biker Make some noise! that many cops in that town where they War we have said was coming. The public is scared shitless and are really not needed is a huge waste of we get a budget increase.

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On the Road I started making notes about various topics I wanted to touch upon or make mention of in this column which I have tried to do for the one hundred and forty something “on the road” columns I have written. The operative word is tried, far too often I end up writing it in a rush as I try to finish yet another issue of the mag only to reflect on it later and realize that things I wanted to mention were forgotten, again.

I mention this because when I looked down at the list of things that have transpired in the last month it was an impressive list nearly a full page long in my notebook. This was a simple list of things that would not get mentioned in articles or events that we were unable to get someone out to cover, of things I

just felt the need to grind my axe on as I have been doing for these past 14 years.

It’s a testimonial to how much things have changed from when we were a lot younger, a lot less sure or confident of ourselves and how much things have remained the same despite the changes. We seem to find ways to cram more into every day of our life than we ever did at any time in the past, maybe it's just because our priorities have changed, maybe it's just because we realized that no matter how old our kids get they are going to be a continual pain in the ass.

Live Entertainment every Friday and Saturday

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Right around the time that last months mag deadlined, we hopped a flight and attended our annual conference in Chicago IL the home and birthplace of index and equity options, I won’t explain most people have no idea but it is what I and we do when we aren’t beating our heads against the wall with the mag.

I crammed a mag together and although I ran about a half a day behind the original plan it was not late and the proofing and approval process was left in the hands of the ever capable Critter, I did point out the rather washed out header and footer in this issue, yes that can be corrected too. Missing my ride to Ottawa with the rest of my family and the passing of my best brothers father I was at a crossroads, having promised my girls I would be there for and with them and supporting my best brother like I know he would me if the roles were reversed.

So I bought an online ticket Toronto to Ottawa cause I couldn’t get anything out of Hamilton, wow it's been so long since I flew from Toronto I didn’t even know they had replaced the old terminals 1 and 2 with a brand new terminal one. Gone were the familiar old rapidair gates to Montreal and Ottawa that I knew so well and the bar that I frequented every week for years when I was commuting in a different life. well I got to Ottawa kept my promise to the kids, grabbed a shower, shave, sleep and breakfast and jumped in a car to the airport and flew back in time to make the funeral home in Hamilton for 2pm Tuesday.

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I don’t do funerals well, and with our families being small have been somewhat exempt from family funerals although we lost my father in law a few years back and both of my uncles this past year. The typical funeral that I attend requires riding my bike and showing up as I am which is the way we do it so family funerals are a test as I always worry about offending someone out of ignorance of their traditions, but I came to show my respect to my brother and his family whom I did not know, G.B.N.F. Fred.

The girls had their graduation at the end of the week and our families thronged the hall at the convention center occupying nearly 3 tables to hold everyone that showed up to share in our pride that our girls were graduating grade 8 with great marks and moving on to high school, and yes I know, I know, we are the oldest parents in the whole class, but, we are the most experienced as well having 4 adult kids.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 18

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Rocky’s Harley’s by the Beach Father’s Day at Grand Bend Motorplex

by Kaz Waking up to a gloomy Sunday morning was not what I hoping for. After a night of much needed condensation, I was looking forward to a great day at the Grand Bend Motorplex for Rocky’s Harleys by the Beach event.

Overcast or not I was on my way. With periodic updates from Wally who was already there, I was informed that the skies were clearing and that the racing was scheduled to start at 12:30. Trucking it just in case and being constantly annoyed by sporadic drizzle, I made it there just as the ET dial ins were starting. I was surprised by the lack of spectator vehicles here for Eastern Canada’s largest all bike weekend. It didn’t mean anything when it came down to it. We were here to race, watch the racing and have some fun. Racers from across Canada and the US come here every Father’s day to catch the buzz and follow their passion. From the smell of Nitro Methane and the sounds coming from the pits, this was going to be an action packed day. From the pro’s to the novice this event is open to all classes of bikes.

Even if you are not a fan of sport bikes, they sure can put on a show for you. I caught up with some friends from the RCR & GRIP here and spent some time with them before heading back and getting some great shots for our readers. Met up with Brittany and Lana watching Lana’s boyfriend Keith, from Duke’s Harley Davidson, putting his anniversary sporty threw it paces

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and we took a tour around the pits. As I travelled I became aware of many more things happening here than I had noticed in the past. Of course there were the usual booths set up where you could buy T’s, buy tickets on a Harley and of course support our veterans, but there was much more going on. This is a multi-event weekend long venue. There were teams here from Kitchener Harley, Fox Harley and Rocky’s all competing in the Destroyer series, but there is more. HURA ( Heads Up Racing Association ) had several cars on the line breaking the 200 mph mark and SOAR ( Southern Ontario Association of Racing ) were also making good use of the newly designed road course. Let’s not forget about the 240 km/hour Superbike class. With all events come pitfalls and the weather won’t stop the diehards. So whether you are into fast cars, fast Harleys or screaming sport bikes this is definitely one of the best ways to enjoy Father’s day. If you want to find out if you have what it takes, then pack-up the family and join in next Fathers Day. Maybe even make it a family weekend with a trip to the beach afterwards. It was another great day of racing and another success for Rocky’s Harley Davidson.

Till we meet on the road keep your knees in the breeze…….. KAZ

Aces & Eights – Christmas in July Toy Ride / Kawartha Bikers Church Show and Shine – 2012

by Rick First and foremost, I’ll tell you that I’ve run these two events into one because one was the destination of the other by design of the organizers and wasn’t done simply to make my life easier. I don’t have that kind of pull.

Well, being the astute individual that many of you out there have come to know, when I looked out my window and saw torrents of water flowing through my back yard caused by the sheets of rain that was falling from the enormous black cloud that filled the sky accompanied by loud claps of rolling thunder and lightning flashes there was little doubt in my mind that this was going to be a wet ride or at least the start of it would be.

Now while all this rain might be good for the several hundred dollars’ worth of plants and stuff that Godzilla and I’d just recently planted it wasn’t particularly suited to a motorcycle event.

Even the Wonder dogs, Captain and Morgan who aren’t a big fan of thunderstorms or fireworks or other things that go boom at the best of times and were leery about even going out to do their business and had to be ordered to do so and were quick to get it done and return with no circling looking for just the right spot this time, looked at me as I put my stuff on with that quizzical look that in as much said “Are you fucking nuts? We’re going back to bed!

Later….. stupid!” before they turned and fled to the sanctity of the bed where Godzilla would know to keep them safe from their trembling that

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would turn our Queen sized bed into one of those “Magic Fingers, Vibrating Beds” that you find in some of the finer hotels and motels.

I went out and started getting ready to go.

I first just grabbed my Drover coat and figured that would be sufficient.

I hate all that rain pants and rubber bootie things and rarely use them.

I opened the garage door and was greeted by a huge sheet of rain that spoke to me and said “Rain pants might be a good idea unless you want to walk around with wet pants all day even if the rain does let up!”

So I was dressed up fully prepared to face the elements my boots even had a nice recent mink oil treatment so I fired up Petoonia thinking; “God I’m glad I didn’t waste my time washing Petoonia after last weekend’s return trip from Bobcaygeon in the rain.” And we were off to see what this day held in store.

We rolled down the street and I glanced over to see my neighbours looking out their window at me. I waved. They just stared at me with that same dumbfounded look that my dogs had just given me. I could read their lips and I had indeed interpreted the looks correctly. I rode off CON’T ON PG 15

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Big Daddy's 446 Davis Drive in Newmarket is having Live Bands (905)898-0001

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EVERY SATURDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989

Loretto Tavern 7994 County Rd 1 and Hwy 50 is having their Bike Night (905)729-2215

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EVERY WEDNESDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989

The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has live entertainment Matinees 3pm-7pm (905)529-0271CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

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JOKE PAGE you to see if there are any side effects. 'On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office...his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?' The man said, 'No one showed up.' . .

authenticltd@rogers.com / www.authenticltd.com A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose. 'Why not?' asked the man. 'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor. 'But I need it really bad,' said the man. 'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor. The

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His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Two little boys, ages 8 and 6, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent the 6 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and yelled, "WHERE IS GOD?!" The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

One day the Professor was talking about marriage during a class in a college.

Professor : "What kind of wife would you like to have, Harvender Singh?"

Singh : "I want a wife like the moon".

Professor : "Wow what a beautiful and poetic choice...do you want her to be serene, pure and calm like the moon?"

Singh : "NO. I want her to come at TOMORROW Night and Disappear in the morning‌"

man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see?

I've got to have a triple dose. The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check

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A blonde woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis. 'The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps

JOKE PAGE forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis." Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds." "Um... the head." "Good. Eight seconds." "Um... the heart." "That's right. Five seconds." "Oh... um... damn.

My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough! You've won $1,000,000!"

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". " Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" " That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?" " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised continued on page 22

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A cop pulls him over. " So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. " Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." " I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. " Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

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WHAT’S SHAKIN Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO STARTING June 2nd Niagara Motorcycle Raceway is having Balls To The Walls Motorcycle Racing starting at 7pm 603 Netherby Road Welland (905)734-7058

JULY 27th-29th Motorcycle Tattoo Show at the Petawawa Civic Centre live entertainment lots to see and do for more info please go to motorcycletattooshow.com

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AUG 3rd-6th ABATE the Final Frontier camping, swimming, wet-t shirt, and much much more for more info please go to www.abateontario.ca or call (519)934-1557 AUG 5th Thurst-T`s Cycle 100 Mountain Road unit 201 in Collingwood is having their 5th Annual Riders With A Message Collingwood Ride leaves 10:30 am from ThurstT's Cycle ALL proceeds go to woundedwarriors.ca for more info please call (705)443-8751 CONTINUED ON PAGE 23

Aces & Eights – Christmas in July Toy Ride / Kawartha Bikers Church Show and Shine – 2012

by Rick choosing to just ignore them.

It wasn’t a horrible ride out but the rain didn’t let up at all. In fact it just seemed to intensify once I got right out in it, as if the weather forecasting idiots (Probably lead by that creepy Tom Brown) all got together and were celebrating that they finally called one right and made a deal with Mother Nature whom I’ve had altercations with in the past to really drown me.

“Bring it on Bitch!” I shouted defiantly to the heavens while shooting a one finger salute to the sky!

And bring it on she did.

I got to the Petro Can station at the corner in Whitby to find a dozen or so bikes parked along the outer edge of the lot and a soggy bunch of riders either huddled under the canopy in on bay where the owners had graciously allowed them to set up the registration table out of the elements or inside getting coffee and snacks and enjoying the lack of rain inside.

Everybody was smiling and making the best of a bad situation and determined not to let the weather that would seriously impact on the outcome of ride that everyone knew had kept a

significant number of riders away, spoil the entire ride for those stalwart soles that don’t let the weather set the terms or tone of their riding schedule other than the fact that it would be a wet ride.

Of course we had Big Hoss making a strong fashion statement with his colourful raingear.

Hoover from the Perfect Pigs MC was there and getting more and more concerned as time went by, about some of his Club brothers, and a group of others who were supposed to be on their way but had yet to appear and the scheduled departure time had already come and gone. We waited.

Soon we heard the roar of Bikes and sure enough a dozen or so bikes led by the infamous Dangerous Donny Meeker rolled into the lot and joined the rest of us there in the rain soaked parking lot where we let them drip dry somewhat under the shelter of the canopy before we took off to see how heavy the rain was falling further down the road.

At this point we all knew that the scheduled departure time had been thrown out the window and was washed down the drain by the relentless rain and we did what all bikers do when put in this situation

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Aces & Eights – Christmas in July Toy Ride / Kawartha Bikers Church Show and Shine – 2012

by Rick we created a new one that better suited our purposes.

Anyhow we did get underway and were lead on a fine route with lots of twists and turns that would have been a real treat with dry roads that lead us to our midway stop in Omeme for refreshments and washroom breaks for those who needed it.

It was also time for many of us to remove our raingear as it had finally stopped raining and while some looked at the still threatening skies and elected to err on the side of caution and keep their stuff on in case it was just one of Mother Nature’s cute little traps that we’ve all got sucked into at one time or another.

I, for one had my stuff off and stashed faster than you could say fooled you, and this time I lucked out, the clouds disappeared and by the time we rolled into Peterborough we had clear blue skies a big bold sun that soon had us not only dried off but was set to bake, broil and fry us. Nice change up MN, you fickle bitch!

There was a nice shelter where some great tasting burgers, hotdogs and sausages were being served with, I might add, one of my favourite toppings, optional fried onions (Which I could smell cooking from the street before even turning into the lot and thought to myself “I sure hope that fried onion smell is coming from here!).

I opted for yes as soon as I was asked.

Anyhow attendance here had also been affected by the unsettled weather and adverse forecasts and Pastor Dave was relieved to see us roll in even with the

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numbers diminished from what was expected.

Again you have to be prepared for the worst when you plan any outdoor event and you take what you get and make the best of it.

Things did pick up once the less adventurous determined that the sun was indeed out for good and gradually more and more bikes rolled in and the lots filled and more bikes registered for the Show and Shine.

Bob from Full Throttle Motor Company had signed on to judge and he now had a major task ahead of him but undaunted by the volume of bikes he soldiered on under the blazing sun until winners were picked for the huge array of trophies that were displayed throughout the day beside the band “West of George St.” that did a fantastic job of keeping the crowd thoroughly entertained for the entire day with some excellent Rock and Roll.

There w a s some pretty nice lookin g bikes there one of which belong ed to John Hamilt o n wantin g to a d d

298 Colborne St.

Aces & Eights – Christmas in July Toy Ride / Kawartha Bikers Church Show and Shine – 2012

by Rick more trophies to the ever growing collection that he has won from events all over the Province with this bike and not to mention that it is the feature bike on the cover of the July issue of the Mag with his lovely bride to be Bonnie posing with it.

There was a loud roar from the street and Rick Gibson and a large pack of the Kawartha Charity Riders rolled in. They were on their way to another event and wouldn’t be able to stay long, but wanted to stop by, and show their respect and offer some support for Pastor Dave, who has given and still gives so much to the Biker Community, the event and the church.

They could only stay for a while but it was great to see them come by.

Some of the Aces and Eights and Perfect Pigs also left to go back to their CH to get ready for their end of the ride party along with some of the crew we rode in with while I stayed back to cover the Show and Shine and some of them remained as well as they had entered in the Show and Shine.

The day flew by and it was time to do the 50/50 draw and the awards (Winners list at the end of the article).

I rode back to The Aces and Eights CH where I stopped and joined them for a cold 50 which they just happened to have a tall boy or 2 hanging around in a fridge and I couldn’t let it go bad and it would be unsociable not to accept an invitation from such a fine Crew as this. I said my goodbyes and headed for home with one quick stop at another event as it was on the way.

Mother Nature really did take a toll on this ride that the Aces and Eights worked so hard at and take extreme pride in what they do but they did what they could and put their best efforts into it and as disappointed as they were with the turnout this year that was really down from last year’s event, they will be back at it next year and the years after that because they believe in the cause and they believe in Santa and for the Aces and Eights he comes in July and he rides a Harley. But you can’t control the weather and this year he’s a Soggy Santa but he’s still rocking! The Aces and Eights would like to thank their sponsors and all who came on the ride.

Thanks Guys! See you out there!

The winners from The Kawartha Bikers Church Show and Shine were; Best in Class - Best Plating Best North American Chopper & People’s Choice –John Hamilton, Best in Show &Best North American Vintage – Blake Knight, Judges trophy & Custom North American Custom – Ron Carpio, Best Represented Club – Kawartha Charity Riders, Best Paint & Best Mural– Gord Goodall, Best Vintage Asian – Jim Lamore, Best Asian Cruiser – Rick Terryberry, Best Asian Touring – Glen Gilmour, Best Asian Custom – Marnie Goodall, Best Sportster – Sandy Ziegler, Best Trike – Gazoo, North American Cruiser – Rick McMullen, North American Touring – Mel Hennessy, Mini or Pocket Bike – Bruce Cooper, It’s Kool To Drink Healthy Best Scooter – Sherwood, Best RENT A FREEZER FULL OF ICE FOR YOUR WEEKEND PARTY Women’s Tattoo – Chrystal, Best Men’s Tattoo – Rick.

Pastor Dave a n d t h e Kawartha Bikers Church would like to thank all of their sponsors and all who participated and supported them and their event.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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On the Road

We finally got John from Motorcycle Enhancements back on board advertising after many years of promises and of course by the time we got him in there was little time to promote the pink ribbon ride which was sponsored by his shop, this ride was going out from club 54 and seemed somewhat like a ride that used to happen out of there years ago with a totally different name, the radical ride.

I had a request for an event listing for the ladies of Harley London Chapter sponsored by Rockys Harley-Davidson in London and unfortunately it got lost in my mail box and missed the June mag but we did get it into our July issue and I hope that they had a great ride and great weather in their efforts to raise dough for M.S. A special thanks out to long time friend Wally from the Kitchener Red and White who came through for me when I needed a few support shirts for some friends from out of town. I was able to get it done with his help and I am indebted to my long time friend and brother now and am looking forward to getting together for a drink sometime when our schedule actually work out together.

I had the opportunity to ride down to Windsor this year again to ride in the run to the North Wall which is one of my favorite events and got a chance to stop into Tim’s garage (think of the Zappa tune Joes garage) and I was quickly reminded that the corona beer they had for me had been sittin since the previous year cause I skipped out on them or at least that’s what Silly said.

Tim was awesome enough to help me complete some tasks that needed completion including excommunicating a member of my family that I was rather fond of who stabbed me in the back. Oh well I will get over it, his loss.

Tim set me up a few feature shoots in town and although I did get out golfing with my best brother on Saturday we crammed a feature shoot in Sunday morning ahead of the ride and another after the ride then a nice steak dinner at Nero's with our Tim celebrating his birthday for another year.

Tim did get out to the Falcons MC party and promised me a write up for this issue although I haven't seen it as of writing this piece but if it arrives late it will appear in the next issue I assure you.

Don Norris our contributing writer from the Bolton area and a living and breathing

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Korean war vet also attended the falcons party with his hosts the North Wall Riders Association from Hamilton and he also contributed an article on the ride to the north wall for us.

Danni sent us in an ad for a little event called the ride for the Morraine and she says that she covers the event in her monthly Danni's times article. I only mention it because the ride was beginning and ending in a little town called Zephyr. I had a great uncle who lived in Zephyr and the family lore says he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps and was in the contingent that guarded the panama Canal during the run up to and during world war II. I am sure that Critter has had more than his fair share of thoughts about the tourist event that is more better known as Friday the 13th, we have watched this event take a downward spiral since the regular press showed up back in either the late 90’s or early 00’s and stuck the Dover mascot Laurie Fey on the cover, since then the event has been progressively overrun by kids, this year it was flip flop nation, plaid shorts, and baseball caps on sideways. Oh yeah and families with kids some so young as to be in strollers others a little older, what the hell is with that?

You know an event is in trouble when you stand on the main drag for an hour and don’t see one person you know but you have a lot of yuppie women come up to you and ask to have their picture taken with you cause they came to see a real biker? Well I think I am a real biker but apparently I fulfill their notion of a real biker and have had these requests for years but 3 times in an hour? Yikes.

Despite my bitchin about the gaggle of nimrods that showed up at Dover, I send our thanks to Dave Smye at McKesy Smye Lawyers and his associates who have been supporting our free t-shirt program since the very beginning, Gord and Critter founders of Critters Crew discount cards who stepped up and sponsored both the men's t’s and the ladies titty shirts along with long time titty shirt sponsor Dennis from Hwy 22 Action Trailer Sales who has been there for us for a long time now. As you can imagine getting rid of the ladies shirts was a blast and we have the pictures to prove it right here in this issue, of course the men were out with riders mag shirts and a surprising number of really old mags dating back to 2000 and 2001 a few that were turned in this year, that’s awesome thanks for knowing what's going on and supporting the mag.

On a final note I had planned to take a ride down to the Eagles Nest on the Sunday of that Friday the 13th weekend for the inkfest show that the eagles nest was putting on at Taps Brewery across the street from the shop, but besides being totally freaking exhausted from three days in Dover it rained almost all morning long in Burlington. I spoke to Tim from Triple K who attended the event and he said that it was definitely slowed down by the Motorcycle weather saying it never rained but I was really Accessories, cloudy and looked like rain until about 1pm when Exotic Leathers some really nice looking bikes rolled in.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Well sorry to Jim and Lorrie for not riding down but I knew I had to go early if I was gonna avoid the really miserable traffic that I have become accustomed to on the q.e.w. in the direction of Niagara and I was hard at work on this particular issue of the mag as well, I will be attending their Miles for Smiles ride rain or shine as it is one of my favorites and Smiley from B.R.O. and I ride this one together for many years now, looking forward to it (oh shit I almost forgot he came and helped out in Dover for quite a few hours on Friday along with Doug from the B.D.R. whom I kept calling Guy) see you out there on the road.

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Port Dover- Friday 13, July 2012 Times They Are A Changing ???????

by Rick Well this was the last one of these for this year and I’m not too sorry to see it done.

While it can be a great time and I do have a great time it can be quite taxing for an old fart like me.

My buddy Allan came along with me this time to help out for a while before he had to get back to help his wifeAnn celebrate her birthday.

We were on the road early, leaving Newmarket around 4:30 and with a fuel stop rolled into Port Dover around 6:30.

They had been predicting record crowds and given the weather that might have been a reasonable assumption and while it was busy it was nowhere near record crowds and don’t let anybody tell you different.

I could tell from the moment we hit town even at that early hour that something was different.

I parked Petoonia at her usual Friday the 13th spot out in front of the Royal Bank and Allan I wandered up to Angelo’s where John Derringer and his morning show crew with the exception ofAuntie Mo were holding court.

The crowd was light in there and never did really develop into anything to speak of and we went back several times.

There was always a lineup for the Peameal bacon sandwiches and stuff but to just get in you and find a place to sit no problem.

That wasn’t the case several years ago.

We grabbed one of the Peameal bacon sandwiches from the Erie Shores Crew that they do in support of local

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Hospitals and a coffee and took in some of the show before going for a tour of the town before it got too crowded and we got too involved.

It was actually a great time wandering around town as we got to actually get to talk to people and many of our advertisers. Of course Tina from Purple Slice was there and working her cute little Butt off (She is everywhere! I think she’s cloned herself and the real Tina is sitting back in some cool spot by a pool with man slaves tending to her every need while her clones are out there working their butts off!) George from Forever Free Hearse services at one end of town and Hank from Boot hill at the other both great people, advertisers and both supporters of the Mag and people are just dying to use the services of either but neither are in a hurry to see you as a customer but you can pre-book.

We stopped by On The Fringe and they were busy as usual.

We went through the park and saw Nash The Leather King in his usual spot but there seemed to be less vendors than other years.

There were a lot of usual people that we never did see.

We handed out what Mags I had carried in on Petoonia and then just sort of kept busy wandering aimlessly around town telling readers with old Riders Mag shirts and old copies of Mags that the shirts would be there soon and getting boob shots on credit.

The rest of our crew wouldn’t be showing up until later and it involved some serious manipulation of vehicles and dispensing of people and stuff that was somewhat akin to the planning of the D Day Invasion and far too complicated for an old fart like me to even try to decipher.

It revolved around the fact that JR’s truck had been left behind Thursday night to secure the spot that Sr.’s truck would occupy when they got to town because Sr.’s truck had all the shirts and the Mags in it that we needed to have and people were asking for but Sr. doesn’t get up and moving as early as he used to but it would all work out in the end.

Now the crew arrived with the exception of JB, Glen and Sue who would complete the operation later after JR switched trucks and dropped off Sr.

Port Dover- Friday 13, July 2012 Times They Are A Changing ???????

by Rick and his truck by riding back with JR and we would regroup and form into a formidable and unstoppable force and distribute the shirts to worthy readers who were waiting patiently for us to get it all happening.

At least now we had some stuff to work with and we hauled all our Mags and several boxes of shirts up the hill to our traditional spot in front of the Royal Bank.

So with the help of Allan until he left at around 1:00, Mr. Smiley from B.R.O. Niagara and B.D.R. Doug who we just sort of commandeered or he volunteered for duty or something (I have no idea how or who or when!

People just happen along. I’m just old and confused and don’t even try to explain things.) But he’s always fun to be around and he seemed to be enjoying himself, despite the fact that JR was calling him Guy all day. So we added him to our crew. We got rid of all the Mags in short order and I concentrated on the shirts.

I wandered a bit and it was definitely heating up! I was wearing a long sleeved denim Rider’s Mag shirt until I enlisted the assistance of Wonderful Wanda, The Zebra Lady and she cut my sleeves off making it more bearable. Thanks again Wanda!

By now our crew was complete with the exception of Allan who had to go home and we gathered up our little group with the exception of JR whom we armed with piles of shirts and a camera and he worked from his post in the middle of the street

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while the rest of us headed for Angelo’s on our mission.

I had been out in the heat for far too long and when we got to Angelo’s and faced the ensuing confusion I snapped!

You could now enter the building via the main doors but you could not exit from any of the exits and enter the beer garden from there as has been the case in every Friday the 13th for the past bunch of years you had to enter from the spot where you could not at previous events as it used to be exit only.

There was nothing to tell you this except for CONTINUED ON PAGE 28

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JOKE PAGE Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, SLIM & TALL 40 D Breasts, a 24" WAIST and 34" HIPS When she walks into a room, people say, Oh MY God

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and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. " Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. " That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." " That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." " Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" " That I

did," said Paddy.

"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square . The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your

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A Newfie won a fishing boat in a raffle and tows it home. His wife looks at him and says, "What in the name o' Lard Jasus are you gonna do with dat, bye? We lives on a farm. There's nary a bit o' water within 75 miles o' 'ere."

He says, "Don't care. I won 'er and I'm gonna keep 'er."...

Several days later the Newfie's brother comes over to visit. He looks out in the field behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a fishing boat in the middle of the field with a fishing rod in his hand. He stands at the edge of the field and yells out to him, "What the frig are you doin'?" His brother calls back, "I'm fishin'. What the frig does it look like I'm a doin'?" His bro ther yells back, "Lard tunderin' my son, it's people like you that gives Newfies a bad name, making everyone think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick you in the friggin arse."

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They s ay it's been trained to give blowjobs!' 'Blow jobs!' the woman replied. 'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off! .. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this Less than riveting act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. 'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked. The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.'

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So we walked past it again. I failed the mandatory Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March....... " This all makes sense to me now.....

WHY MENARE NEVER DEPRESSED: MenAre Just Happier People -What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. continued on page 27

WHAT’S SHAKIN AUG 10th-11th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Chris Syrie & spencer creek playing (905)529-0271

AUG 24th-25th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Amy Churm & indiana road playing (905)5290271

AUG 10th-12th Big Daddy's Cowpaddy 1st Annual Rodeo and Roast 11101 County Road 15 North Augusta for more info please go to www.BigDaddysCowpaddy.com

AUG 25th Clare's Harley Davidson Niagara 590 York Road Niagara on the Lake is having Test Our Metal Harley Davidson test ride 10am-3pm for more info please call (905)684-4647

AUG 11th The Eagle's Nest and Grand Central Present the 14th Annual Miles For Smiles Poker Run registration 10amnoon rain or shine $20 entry fee includes dinner raffles prizes and much more. Breakfast Buffet at Taps Grill, event in support of Dreams to Memories, for more info please call (905)353-8222

AUG 26th Critter Country Show and Shine in support of Alzheimer Society 400 Market Innisfil, Ont. 10am-5pm (905)251-2359

Rockys Harley Davidson in London is having their Pork Dover Fest 12-6pm pork roast prizes bike wash and much more AUG 12th Niagara HOG Chapter #9100 Poker Run registration at Clare's Harley in Niagara On The Lake 10am-noon ends at Royal Canadian Legion in Welland $20 per rider $15 per passenger includes prizes and dinner AUG 17th-18th The Galley Pump Tavern 365 Wentworth Street North Hamilton has Brad James playing (905)529-0271 AUG 18th Rockin Wheel Poker Run registration 11am-noon at the Tri-Township Arena 22647 Adelaide Rd. Mt. Brydges, Ont. ride leaves Noon camping available for more info please call (519)951-7906 or (519)859-8521 Triple K Upholstery is having their Grand Opening 432 Pearson Rd Welland 11am-4pm Free BBQ for more info please call (905)735-7216 Community Living Tillsonburg and The Blackhawks Motorcycle Club are having their 2nd Annual Ride registration is 11am-noon at My Bar and Grill 2-230 Lisgar Ave in Tillsonburg pre-registration is required please call (519)842-7816

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Fucking Low Harley

This month's feature guy is Ralph and this beauty is his FLH “Fucking Low Harley” Shovel. This bike is one of a long list of bikes that Ralph has owned over the years saying that he started out building bikes and hot rods 25 years ago and despite severe injuries disabling him from working he just hasn’t stopped although I think he would agree he has slowed down just a little bit.

Ralph says this bike was sitting in a buddies garage, it was covered in dust and overspray, many of the owners buddies hands had been on the bike and it just never seemed to run right and his pal was bummed over the whole thing and was on his way out to buy himself a brand new bike, this one was going cheap and Ralph scooped it up.

This was to become a theme in his life he calls it right place at the right time some might call it just plain lucky. He says he has no idea exactly how many bikes he has owned, built or customized over all those years but he says he usually had 3 bikes around and if a deal came along he would just decide to part with his least favorite at that time and keep the others, if he had two he usually just kept them until someone came along who was in the market for something he

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owned and he let it go.

Ralph took this dust covered poorly running shovel home about 15 years ago and started to tear it down checking out the engine for problems and making sure he had good quality stuff inside and anything that did not meet with his standards was summarily replaced putting together a nice running 88” motor and started to horse around with the sheet metal.

He says that he tore this bike apart and put it back together every year for the first five or six years he owned it just for the sheer love of making it better and says that although that first engine he built worked good it just wasn't fast enough for him so the last engine build he did on it he tore the engine down again and bored it out to a 93” and put S & S stroker internals into it and says at that point he was satisfied with this bike a n d i t basically stayed the way you see it now since then.

Fucking Low Harley He does maintain his shop and has a Decker at home that he says if he wakes up and feels good enough to ride it from home to the shop which is all of two minutes this is a great day for him, as for his fucking low Harley he says he has no hope of ever riding it again and yes although it does have for sale on the oil tank and battery box I could tell he was very fond of the bike and doubt he would part with it except perhaps under exceptional circumstances or of course for the right dough.

Ralph has or should I say had a wide range of talents that he employed over the years of building hot rods and bikes showing me pictures of a stretch Jaguar Limousine he built himself, the one I found most surprising was his custom fibreglass work, something I am familiar with as I worked in the industry early in my career in the late 70’s and early 80’s.

He did transplant an early evo into it for a while and took his beloved stroker out which he says ran like a million bucks with all the best technology, such as pressure relief valves, crankcase breathers, dual plugged heads, single fire ignition.

He was entertaining selling the bike at that time but was rather unenthusiastic to say the least and his salvation came when a buddy blew his evo engine and was without a ride and Ralph offered to sell him the engine out of his purple bike returning his 93” stroker to its rightful home.

About 5 years ago Ralph had an accident on the job and severely injured 3 discs in his lower back and broke his leg, of course after many efforts to repair the damage through medical and physiotherapy it was decided that he was too damaged and should be retrained. His injuries left him unable to stand or sit for extended periods of time and while in school sitting for an extended period got up from his desk and his leg gave out further complicating his problems when he broke his arm.

Ralph says it incredibly frustrating as he can no longer do the types of things he has done for all these years, he can’t sleep for any length of time, some days he can’t get up others he can’t walk without the assistance of a cane, walker or crutches. Since he broke his arm he is no longer steady enough to pursue his hobbies without the assistance of his many friends.

He is building himself another custom Decker with a 23” front wheel a mild rake, 1” lowering blocks on the rear shocks, a stretched gas tank and a custom seat pan that has been lowered 3” inside the stock frame giving him a seat height of 21”. He plans to make a custom seat with custom backrest which he says might allow him to get back onto the bike and ride.

Of course with the custom lowered seat pan he had to manufacture himself a set of custom side covers to replace the stock ones that sit below the seat ahead of the saddlebags. The bags on this bike have been stretched at the bottom so the pipes run through them and he has added fillers between the back fender and bags, moulding the taillight and license plate in, very sharp.

Ralph says that with this sort of project every time he has an idea it usually results in a cascade of changes as it affects other parts of the bike, but he says with his current problems he has no idea when this bike might be finished saying it could be 6 months it could be 6 years but its defiantly a little different than anything I have ever seen before and he has invited me back to the shop to check out its progress when I’m in town, it's gonna be a cool ride.

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 25

Biker Church with Pastor Dave Neals

Fucking Low Harley Owner: Ralph B. City: Windsor, ON General Year & Make: 1984 Model: FLH Assembly by: Owner Time: Too Long Engine Year: 1984 Model: Shovel Builder: H-D ReBuilder: Owner Displacement: 93” Lower end: S & S Stroker Pistons: S & S Stroker Rods: S & S Stroker Flywheels: S & S Stroker Balancing: S & S Stroker Cylinders: S & S Stroker Cases: Delcron Heads: H-D Dual Plugs Valves: H-D Cam: Jims Lifters: Jims Ignition: Crane Hi-4 Coils/Wires: Dyna Duals Carb: S & S Super E Air Cleaner: S & S Super E Pipes: Zinto 1 Transmission Year: New Type: Revtec 5 Speed Shifting: Foot Primary Drive: Belt Drive Case: H-D Painting Type: House of Kolor Colour: Yellow/Orange Flames Special Paint: Candy Purple Painter: Dan Lessard Frame Builder: Owner

Year: 1984 Type: Home Made Stretch: 2” Rake: 42’ Swing Arm: H-D Rear Suspension: H-D Accessories Handlebars: Burly Beach Bars Risers: H-D Controls: H-D Seat: Home made Tailight: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Gas Tank: Stretch 5 Bobs Front Pegs: H-D Rear Pegs: H-D Foot Controls: H-D Grips: H-D Mirrors:: H-D Headlight: H-D Speedometer: H-D Primary Cover: H-D Front End Type: H-D Year: 1984 Builder: Owner Extension: 4” overs Wheels Front Size: 16” Type: Custom Tire: Avon Brake: H-D Fender: Owner Rear Size: 16” Type: Custom Tire: Avon Brakes: H-D Fender: Owner Model: Jenny

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 26

Here I sit at my desk thinking about tomorrow, a day I should be heading west to Port Dover for a day with my Biker friends but due to not having a bike I am going to miss. But since I don’t have a bike at this time and hoping the insurance soon comes thru to correct that item I must drive the four wheels to wedding north of Dover Friday and then on Saturday back to Paris and Toronto for business meetings. I will probably be well done by that time but then we are going a small town north of London for some R & R. The other night at Bikers Church we talked about blessings, we found happy people are the ones who focus on what they have not what they don’t. There is always something to be thankful for and gratitude is what heals the heart. I am certainly thankful for God hearing my emergency prayer (God I need help now!) as my front wheel was entering that hole and he heard me, it was like a recording went off in my head – push, tuck and roll that all I could hear till after everything came to a halt including me. The reigning assumption about God exists in order to improve life. Its all about me. If I live right, God will give me good things. If something goes wrong in my life! I am being punished. If I get something wonderful, it is a well earned reward and sign of Gods love.

You might say there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that God does love each one of us as individuals, has the hair on our heads numbered, and cares about the large and small thing in our lives.

The bad news God does not separate us out as individuals from the larger group of the human family.

Over the years I have heard of children being blessed in many ways ; I have seen children suspended for a short time so as to prevent injury. I know a biker who was riding at around 90 K approached a intersection when a ¾ ton truck came through the stop sign, his last memory is seeing the trucks front wheel in front of his and wakening up leaning against the other side of the truck. Getting up he was amazed he did not even have a scratch, the bike was just a pile of scrape imbedded into the side of the truck. My accident could have been far worse I know riders who have gone through similar event unable to walk, another who had several broken bones and to have 2 Doctors, 2 Paramedics and 2 Nurses on site within minutes on a back road what’s almost a impossibility. I have heard about a biker who upon returning from picking up parts felt directed up a loose gravel road to find his ATV on top of his daughter in a ditch. I truly believe God does work miracles and all we have too do is believe and accept him as our personal Savior. He doesn’t care if you go to church he just provides all those resources for us to learn more about him and how we can benefit from those resources available to us.

Its great to be a blessing but I have found it can be even greater when we move it on. When someone blesses you, you can savior the blessing but if you include someone in your blessing or move it forward just think what you can do. Its like if someone blesses me I can bless Tom, who then can bless Harry, who can bless Jim, just think a never ending sequence of blessings.

Its like the basic lesson you learned in Kindergarten. Share one toy lovingly and willingly shared creates community. One toy hoarded creates tears and temper tantrums.

Pastor Dave daveneals@bikerschurch.com

For Your Personal Needs: Biker, Formal and Non Formal Weddings Childrens Dedications & Baptisms Funerals and Committal Services Contact Rev. David Neals david.neals@nexicom.net

Serving Southern Ontario

JOKE PAGE The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

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Car mechanics tell you the truth.

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You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

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You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

The Rider’s Mag P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers :Rev. Dave Neals, Tim Armstrong, Rick Davis, Jonathon Musson, Al Kasza, Danni.

Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 27

Port Dover- Friday 13, July 2012 Times They Are A Changing ???????

by Rick some asshole, smart-assed, smart-mouthed security lunk-head who was no help at all.

It was extremely hot and the band extremely loud and I just knew that I had to get out of there right as quickly as possible!

It was like being caught in a maze and I was less than amused!

It had to be then that I ran into friends L Ron from the PDR, Big Scott, Heather and Silvia and probably others that I probably pissed off by beating a path back through the main doors.

By the time we got to the beer garden I was completely wiped and had to sit down one buddy at a table must have recognised my situation and gave me a seat. JB thought I was kidding around and said that we had to go to another spot I refused! Stating quite emphatically that I would just be sitting down right now and having a beer. I sat down and someone set a cold beer

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 28

in front of me and the poor thing didn’t stand a chance! There I remained until I slowly regained my composure, my senses and my sense of humour.

My sincere apologies to anyone I may have unintentionally offended or pissed off.

We worked the bar getting our boob-shots and giving away men’s shirts to deserving readers and drinking water to get myself back up to snuff.

We then went out to join JR on the street and distributed shirts until the boos declared dinnertime and we trudged down the Street to our traditional Port Dover dinner spot The Erie Beech where the food is beyond fantastic! The service is excellent and they have 50 and it is ice cold and if you combine all that with the AC and it can quickly put the life back into you.

So dinner done and a couple of cold 50’s in me I was revitalized and ready to walk back up the hill to where Petoonia sat waiting to take me to the cottage where I could sit with some more cold 50’s that JR and JB were kind enough to have bought for me and sit relax and shoot the shit until we could shoot the shit no more.

Morning came we had breakfast and I was on the road and heading home.

I had a great time other than my brief meltdown at Angelo’s.

They called for record crowds. I’m here to tell you that they didn’t get them and probably never will again see the numbers we used to see.

The crowd is changing!

Many of the regular crew that we’ve seen here in years past are not coming.

Many state that they are just tired of the same old same old. The bullshit of an overwhelming and totally unnecessary police presence and being gawked at by a bunch of tourists at a freak show where we are the spectacle.

There were so many cops with so little to do that when some young gawker did something in the afternoon they were so hungry for something to do that it took a dozen cops to take down the one guy out in front ofAngelo’s.

They had so little to do that they hung out in clusters having a gab-fest all on the tax payer’s dime!

The times they are a changing.

There will probably always be a Friday 13th gathering in Port Dover but it will never be the same as it once was.

By mid-afternoon the streets had thinned out so substantially that we could walk four or five abreast down the street for the most part unobstructed.

You could not have done that several years ago.

Falcon’s MC “Support the Troops Bash”

by Tim The 5th annual “Support the Troops Bash” was a huge success as expected. The bash is considered a preparty to the “Run to the North Wall” that is scheduled for the following day and this yearly outing is hosted by the London Chapter of the Falcon’s MC Veterans Canada. The location for the bash is at Fred and Jan’s extensive farm on County Rd 46 just west of Patilo Rd in Essex.

foot-pegs was impressive to me and that’s just an example of what was displayed. Texas went in a completely different direction and painted his Harley with a black truck bed liner type material giving his ride a wicked stealth look.

The weather this year co-operated to the fullest with nothing but warm and sunny skies. Last year a storm blew in and took down a large tent and moved other belongings around but it was somewhat brief. I was on my way home when the storm blew in and after losing the fight to just keep my bike in my lane I had to pull over and wait it out. I never got caught in a storm that intense in my life and pulling into Windsor looked like a tornado just passed.

Not this year...it just was perfect!

You don’t have to have a military connection to attend this event. All that’s needed is a supportive attitude and the willingness to have a grand time in great company.

This year the event was a synch to locate with the Schneider National “Support our Troops” transport rig stationed at the roadway. I believe we will be seeing this worthy rig in an upcoming TruckerTV episode.

Collectively the Falcon’s MC Veterans Canada are appreciative to Fred and Jan for the use of their property for the function.

They didn’t find this prime location by chance. Both Fred and Jan are active military personal as well as their son. This venue has everything needed to hold a grand bash and the family’s hospitality is second to none.

Also perfect was the huge BBQ steak dinner and all the trimmings that was prepared by the clubs prospects who did a great job. Looks like the guys will have a rewarding future with the Falcons.

Following the grand feast a mess of door prized were given out and the guys had a lot of support with donations. Also the 50/50 draw generated some cash to be directed to the cause. All proceeds generated in this event CONTINUED ON PAGE 32

The Falcon’s MC are all active or retired military personal and all ride North American made V-twins only. The boy’s are also very imaginative when dressing up their rides too. Aside from the wicked military paint work witnessed on a number of bikes in attendance, there was more to take in than fantastic paint jobs and all incorporating a military theme. I like originality and seeing Six Shooters utilized as rear

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 29

Art Weller, Bondo and Mover Memorial Party

by Rick The sun shone bright in a clear blue sky and It was a first rate day for just about anything but it was an absolutely perfect day to be riding a motorcycle and heading to what was an amazing party with some great old friends.

There are some pretty spectacular roads out there running through some amazing countryside and they make getting there half the fun.

In fact, sometimes I wish I could just keep on riding but then I’d miss the party and have all kinds of people pissed off at me and Boss man JR hunting me down and hunting for a new Roving Reporter.

So I turned in to Wheel’s huge well-kept property and found a nice shady spot for Petoonia to spend the afternoon among the other bikes on the front lawn.

This is a drop dead gorgeous piece of property with a view that goes on forever.

The smoke from the barbecues came wafting across to me carrying the aroma of the fine fare that was being cooked fresh and served up to a rapidly growing and obviously hungry crowd, my stomach growled a bit reminding me that I hadn’t eaten yet today.

But no time for that now, I had work to do.

JR didn’t send me here to stuff my face. He sent me here to work.

But covering events such as this one with people like this showing the respect and the hospitality that they do makes it an absolute pleasure and a lot less like work!

I extracted my trusty Nikon from Petoonia’s beer box and headed across the wellmanicured lawn and

was greeted by Grump who had seen me ride in and was heading my way.

He gave me a couple of tickets for water and something to eat and let me know of the games schedule and left me to wander around and mostly just visit.

My finely tuned instincts led me directly to the bar where a super keen probate spotted me coming through the door and was already digging to the bottom of the cooler to find me a really cold 50.

Then it was just a case of wandering around shaking some hands and shooting the shit and taking some pictures while waiting for the games to begin.

This event, like many others, have, somewhat modified or scaled back their games in recent years due to lack of people who want to or can compete in them.

These Biker Rodeo games used to be the highlight of these events and people used to come out just to take part in the games, and some had specialized in a certain discipline.

Now maybe because of age, (I know if I were to go into some of the old games like pickup sticks today they would be carrying me home.) health issues and injuries many people aren’t quite so anxious to get down and dirty.

Here though, age, health and other factors aside, they take riding seriously but they take fun seriously as well and they don’t have much trouble finding anxious and enthusiastic participants

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Page 30

Art Weller, Bondo and Mover Memorial Party

by Rick (Some will pay the price and be nursing aches, pains and bruises the next day or days to come.) here ready to match their riding skills against those of their brothers and sisters in a friendly competition and just plain enjoy the camaraderie and the day.

It is a real example of what our lifestyle is all about.

It was great to sit awhile and sip away at a 50 with Brothers like CB, Neal, Teach, Mondo and Andy who, due to busy lives and conflicting schedules, I don’t get to see as often as I’d like these days.

The games began with the plank race where boards of differing lengths and widths are placed end to end and riders attempt to ride the entire span. The rider who gets the furthest on the planks wins.

It isn’t as easy as it sounds as the boards tend to wobble, wiggle and twist on the uneven ground when the tires run up on them and for many it was an just a frustrating experience but for others a piece of cake.

I stood out there under the hot sun that was beaming down from a cloudless sky, on a pretty patch of ground, overlooking that gorgeous scenery with the sound of the Harley’s and people laughing and enjoying the day and each other’s company music to my ears. A brother came up and placed an ice-cold 50 in my hand gave me a huge smile and a hug and I thought I must have died and gone to heaven.

The games played out with everybody just out to have fun doing old

favorites like; the slow race, weenie bite, tire toss and balloon toss (God Wheels those have to be the toughest damn balloons I’ve ever seen. You had to run a bike over them to break them! Kind of takes the challenge out of the game when a water filled balloon refuses to break.) and the potato in the haystack contest (But onions were substituted for potatoes because that is the vegetable that the kitchen raid produced.) and fun was indeed had by all.

I finally made it to the barbecue where an enormous burger was handed to me and that growling in my stomach became a distant memory.

The games done, trophies presented to deserving winners and it was time to go.

It was a great time guys. Thanks for having me out and your hospitality. See you next year.

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Page 31

Falcon’s MC “Support the Troops Bash”

by Tim are directed to individual causes of Veteran support.

man himself personally sign my new copy.Agreat read indeed!

Providing the live entertainment was The Tyler Wilson Band who was back again this year by popular demand. They’re a young 3 piece band who are quite accomplished and played a great variety of tunes without blowing your eardrums out.

During the Falcons MC group photo the comedy started when Machine who is the clubs National President decided it was time to have some fun and dropped his drawers and posed ass first for the cameras. Not to be outdone and more than willing to add to the ruckus was Texas who dropped his linen facing the cameras and the good time began.

Riding from Red Deer Alberta for the weekend festivities was Sultan who was a member of the Falcons while on tour in Germany in the mid 80’s and he was proudly wearing his original colours that were issued in that era. He was stylin big time!

The Falcons MC actually originated way back in 1968 while the Canadian military was stationed in Germany and was considered Germany’s longest serving club until Canadian Forces pulled out in 1994. Now that’s notable history!

Again making the trek for the bash was Don Norris and you may recognize him as a contributing writer right here at The Rider’s Mag. Don is also a Veteran and an accomplished author and he brought along copies of his newest publication titled “Comrades...Person al Stories of WWII Veterans” and I was fortunate to have the

SUNDAY AUGUST 26TH

The party lasted until the early morning hours with the last man standing calling it quits around sun up. The good news for the late night revellers is that this year’s “Run to the North Wall” was scheduled for a 1:30pm departure due to the Canada Day parade in Windsor.

The Falcons MC Veterans Canada done a fantastic job putting this event together and I can’t think of a better way to spend a birthday weekend than to party with the troops.

On a final note, big congrats to Creature from Gagetown NB who has been honoured as the newest fully fledged member of the Falcon’s MC Veterans Canada.

If you don’t stand behind our troops…by all means, feel free to stand in front of them!

In Essex Tim Are you or your club looking at an effective way to show your support to our troops?

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund might be the answer.

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund supports Canadian service members who are wounded during operations.

From the outset of the healing process, we hope to improve the general morale and welfare of the soldiers and their families.

Freedom 55 Presents the third annual Freedom Ride to End MS www.freedomridetoendms.com

Where one lucky rider will win a 2012 HD from Kitchener Harley-Davidson Register online for an extra chance to win How can you help?

Send a donation, Have a club charity event, Pass the word to other riders Send donations or correspondence to:

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund For more information email: info@woundedwarriors.ca or Check out the website:

www.woundedwarriors.ca THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 32

Bobcaygeon Community Bikefest – 2012

by Rick The weather forecasts for the day were far from impressive and I knew that Parking lots, driveways, alcoves and the sidewalks were transformed into the chances of me getting through this day without getting wet were slim, vendor’s areas where you could find pretty well anything you could want, from parts and accessories t shirts, leathers, products, services and bordering on non-existent.

But at this point and time it was still looking good and there was still room for everything and anything that could make you or your bike look good, feel good or both you could find them here. hope that the weather prognosticators were once again going to be wrong.

But just in case, I checked to make sure I had rain gear packed and with Bars and restaurants were doing a great business with most all patios’ filling that, Petoonia and I headed East to the beautiful town of Bobcaygeon for fast. what was to be the second running of this annual event that I had only heard It is an unfortunate part of any such event that greed is present to some about and what organizers claimed would eventually become an event and degree and that some establishments don’t fully grasp the concept of events such as this and rather than just be part of it and just letting it happen a destination that could and would, rival Port Dover.

I only remember coming to Bobcaygeon once before and that was on the try to squeeze a little extra out of it and end up being left out in the end, like outside of town so I was unfamiliar with the Town and was quite surprized one bar who’s staff stopped you at the gate to extract a $10.00 cover charge as they had hired a band for the day. with the size and the overall attractiveness of the downtown section.

Finding the event wasn’t hard at all as the town was all in on it and Petoonia I was not willing to pay a charge to get in so as to grab a quick sandwich and and I were waved through a gate restricting traffic flow to just bikes, a beer before continuing on.

They didn’t seem overly busy at any time when I passed by on my travels pedestrians and the golf carts for organizers and so on.

I found a nice spot for Petoonia to spend the day, armed myself with my throughout the day.

Oh well, you take the good with the bad and I witnessed mostly good and camera and headed out to see what The Bikefest was all about.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that this is one sharp looking spot and the positive things at this event. potential for growth and success as an annual event were not exaggerated Many of our fine advertisers had recognized the potential and the value of this event and were represented here, Dynotunes had their huge unit set up at all.

To s a y t h e To w n i s and were busy all day with a long stream of bikes lining up for their unique picturesque would be a huge services. Tina from Purple Slice (Who is perhaps one of the hardest working ladies I know.) and seems to be at every event I go to was there understatement.

It is gorgeous town right on shining bikes and demonstrating her fine line of products. the Trent Waterways System There were lots to cover and lots to do and see. with the swing bridges and There were many familiar faces and hands to shake that day, My pal water locks and constant Jabber, his Dad Frank and just about the entire Konoslowski clan along with movement of boats of all their animals had made their way to town to show off his fine airbrush and s i z e s a n d t y p e s t h a t pin striping talents, Bob from Full throttle, Larry and Nancy Pooler, Bernie provided an interesting Guindon and his lovely bride and so many others were also out enjoying the distraction from time to time. day.

The streets were now quickly John Hamilton along with all his family and friends had his fantastic looking filling with motorcycles, 2000 Softail Custom that graced the cover of our July issue of The Mag and people, vendors, gawkers his soon to be wife Bonnie (The Model on the cover.) on display on the and hawkers and we had a corner. r e a l motorcycle event going on.

There were at least three bands that I saw and heard, set 2235 Industrial st.– up and belting out some great Rock and Roll that blended with the sounds of motorcycles as I made my way along the off north service rd. streets and gave it a true street festival feel.

This was not going to be a quick walk through, and it between brant st. wouldn’t be boring.

I have absolutely no idea how many people and bikes were there but there were lots and those numbers were growing Burlington L7p 3e1 by the minute as wave after wave of motorcycles swept into town and the streets were teeming and gleaming with paint and chrome and the smiles on organizers Like Krazy Doug ! Harley-Davidson could be seen from a mile away.

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Page 33

Bobcaygeon Community Bikefest – 2012

by Rick The bands were excellent and provided a great street festival vibe that just made you feel comfortable and at ease.

Even waiting for the swing bridge to swing back to allow pedestrian traffic was entertaining and not at all annoying and actually provided a bit of a diversion and gave you time to stop and look around and appreciate just how beautiful this place really is and take time to soak it in.

The sky was quickly darkening and spitting at an ever increasing rate and I knew that the forecast bad weather that had held off all day had arrived and it was going to get nasty.

Krazy Doug picked me up in his golf cart and after a quick blast around to make last minute preparations to do the awards presentations he parked in front of the booth where the enormous display of trophies were staged and ready, giving me a perfect spot from which to shoot and keep myself and my camera dry.

A buddy, James came along with his young son in tow looking to get him out of the weather I pulled his son in the cart with me and he proved to be a valuable aid as a tripod as his head was just the right height for comfortable shooting. (Hey you make use of stuff that`s provided. He had a dry spot to sit I got a great assistant. It worked out.)

The rain was now getting intense and showing no sounds of stopping.

The streets that were a short time ago packed with motorcycles and people were now looking fairly quiet except for bikes making their exits and vendors tearing down their displays.

The awards ceremonies were a bit of a soggy affair, but everyone took the weather in stride, kept their sense of humour and persevered until the last award was presented and then thoughts turned to leaving.

I had company on the way out of town as Big Paul from the PDR MC had come out for the day and lives fairly close to me.

COMMUNITY LIVING TILLSONBURG & THE HAMILTON BLACK HAWKS MOTORCYCLE CLUB ARE HOSTING THEIR 2ND ANNUAL MOTORCYCLE RIDE SATURDAY, AUGUST 18, 2012 RAIN OR SHINE INCLUDES DINNER AND ENTERTAINMENT

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$15 for Passengers

4 - 5pm - Dinner Return to My Bar & Grill

Contact Sandra at sbray@communitylivingtillsonburg.ca

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 34

So while he kicked his old Panhead to life I made my trek back across the bridge to where Petoonia sat waiting to take me home.

I`ve been doing this stuff for a while and usually take riding in the rain fairly much in stride as with shit, rain does happen and you deal with it, but, I had been feeling a bit crappy from time to time for the last couple of days and now was starting to feel fully crappy to beyond crappy, my right knee that had been not too bad lately, was swelling to the point where it was hard to bend and slow to move and I wasn`t really relishing a cold wet ride home at all but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I couldn`t see much point in putting my rain pants on over wet jeans so I did up my Drover coat fired up Petoonia and headed out of town with Big Paul in close pursuit.

Being unfamiliar with this town I ended up taking the wrong road that extended our trip considerably and making me feel even crappier!

We did manage to make it home all in one piece and after a couple of shots of Rum and a shower an early night was in order and the Wonder dogs and I said goodnight to Godzilla and wandered off to bed.

As I drifted off to sleep I reflected back on the day’s events.

I had a great time (Excluding my crappy trip home.) and it is a great area to ride with some great roads. There are some great bars and restaurants with some real fantastic food. There are good accommodations and the people are accommodating and friendly and more to the point, ``Biker Friendly`` .

The event was great and the venue was fantastic!

It has as claimed by the organizers, all the potential in the World to grow to become a 1st class event, in fact it was a 1st class event this year and has earned a spot on many rider`s must attend spots on their ride calendars already.

When everybody else hears about it, the Town, the organizers, many businesses and many residents may well have their wish come true in having created their version of Port Dover in their quaint, beautiful town.

Be careful what you wish for, as some people’s dreams are other people’s nightmares and some peoples visions and ambitions are not shared by all.

Trust me you can`t and you won’t please everybody.

Great job!

I wasn`t sent a winners list from the Show and Shine so I`ll just say congratulations to all and the organizers would like to thank all the sponsors, their volunteers and all who participated.

See you next year!

JOKE PAGE If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

MIKES UPHOLSTERY of Hamilton

COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY SERVICE

Cars, Boats, Specializing in Custom Motorcycle Seats mmcphaden20@hotmail.com

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A Sable Coat? A Diamond Necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much......"

CONTINUED ON PAGE 46

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A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 35

THE MAMMARY’S OF FRIDAY 13TH,

JULY 2012 PORT DOVER ONTARIO

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Next on the list of things I wanted to attend but just simply couldn’t make it on time, list is the Hells Angels Summer Sizzler Party that I was graciously invited to but didn’t have enough hours in the day to get there until it was over.

When Doug invited me and gave me a ticket I told him that Friday was already booked solid and I thought that I had at least two events for Saturday and if I was anywhere close by to the CH I would try to drop in.

Saturday was indeed completely booked with advertised events that were miles and miles away. I spent the day getting rained on then baked (Depending on Mother Nature’s mood at that particular moment in time.) in the sun and covered a lot of miles and managed to squeeze in four separate events that day and while I may have been able to make it up there, I would not have been able to make it out again (With the pre party reception committee on the roads which I heard wasn’t exactly cordial or the kind of hospitality you really wanted to extend to your guests.) and I had stuff to cover early next morning.

The ticket did say three days so I showed up around noon Sunday to find that the party had packed up and gone home.

I understand it was a great party and I apologize.

I figured that Cookiechick was there anyway and she would write it up and take some pictures as I was covering events over in her area, but apparently her camera is fucked and she lost her pencil but we’ll see if she can write her recollections (If she didn’t get too fucked up to remember what she did, what she saw or where she was.) down and submit them.

My Thursday Riders Nights at Big Daddy’s are still going on although last week I bailed because of Port Dover.

Some weeks the attendance is great, other weeks, not so much, but I’m in this for the long haul and will take what we get and make the best of it.

We now have slideshows and video’s playing on the monitors inside that you can’t see anywhere else, good sound outside, great food and great hospitality. If that don’t suit you ride on Brother, Ride on! Don’t let the construction on Davis Dr. worry you. The lot out front is diminished but perfect for motorcycles.

Speaking of Ride Nights, I rode across to Loretto last Tuesday knowing that I would see a very disappointed young lady by the name of Chanel (Five to those who have seen her, love her and just simply swoon when she walks by.) as I had told her that her picture would run with the write up I submitted last issue. Somehow those fucking Gremlins and evil Goblins fucked with the layout and the picture got squeezed out of the Mag. I wasn’t involved in the layout of the last issue and will take no blame, as even when I proofed it at the printers, I noticed the omission, my heart stopped, my balls shrivelled and I gasped “Oh Lord let me be seeing things!” but I knew that there was nothing that I could do at that point to correct it And I knew, short of shooting myself or getting killed in a horrific but memorable accident on the way there, that would prevent me having to endure the sad eyed look that I got when our eyes locked at the Loretto Tavern that evening.

I’m now going to respectfully throw boss-man JR under the bus as he is big enough and tough enough and he has JB to back him up to stand up “Five” all day long! And he isn’t as susceptible to those haunting yet clearly tortured eyes and pouty lips as I am.

This time I’ve upped the ante a bit and got a picture of Charming Chanel and Sensational Stephanie together and I’ve submitted it and am www.rnrcustomcycle.com hoping for the best!

Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service Things with their Rider’s Nights are going well Complete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order and they have indeed signed on to honour the Harley Davidson Trained P.H.D. Mechanic Critter’s Crew cards for 10% off of menu items, not just on Tuesday Riders Nights, but whenever you stop by and when you do try to console the lovely Chanel and tell her I’m sorry.

The food is incredible, it’s a great ride coming or going and then there are the girls! Come on out

Man! How time flies when you’re having fun and busy as Hell!

And I have no one else to blame but me, because as Godzilla is quick to point out, I bring all of this on myself.

But Hell, truth be told, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The only problem is that I try to be too many places and I have come to the realization that I just can’t do it.

I sincerely regret not making it out to the funeral for Chris Lee, Son of the couple that I’ve lovingly and respectfully referred to often as Crusty Derek and Delightful Dolores as Chris lost his long and courageous battle with cancer. He passed away at home surrounded by those who loved him deeply and he will be in their hearts and minds forever. I just couldn’t move enough things around fast enough to be able to come. I hope you understand and my heart and best wishes go out to you both.

(519) 821-8666

RNR CUSTOM CYCLE LTD.

108 Beaumont Cres. Guelph, Ont THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 38

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) and enjoy!

Speaking of my Critter’s Crew Cards, it is growing quickly so keep an eye on the website as new merchants and services are being added all the time. West have added a hotel (The 1 of many!) and we will give you more bang for your buck or more pop to your penny, so join and save your coin!

Come on out and see me or any of the merchants already on board and get yours. It’s free!

If you are a Merchant or have a service that would benefit from a card such as this check us out.

I have been out and about as much as possible, Petoonia is running like a dream, and my knee is holding up well. I just got a knee brace as well so maybe I won’t wobble and fall over so much.

Our recent excursion to Port Dover which you will read further on in the Mag produced some mixed feelings for me because while I met a lot of really great people there and still had a great time, there were many regulars missing and I and others have noticed a very distinct change in the complexion and feel of the event that is hard to explain, but it is real.

I was still treated well (Beyond well!) by so many and it truly amazes me.

The gentleman who bought our crew cold Pepsi last year when we were tired and thirsty and really needed it stepped up again this time, and it was much appreciated.

Thank you very much indeed Sir! I saw an old friend at Port Dover and I didn’t recognize her at first, Wendy

who inspired me to write a piece on her in a column a while back when I met her at an ABATE party. I was taken with her sensational smile; her spirit and her total love for the lifestyle and the trike that was her dream that allowed her to overcome physical issues and carry on just doing what she loved.

It took a moment or two, but I recognized her amazing smile and realized who it was and was thrilled to see her. She is now dealing with the other challenges that life has thrown at her. Her hair is gone her beloved trike has been sold so that she can deal with the shit has come into her life but the smile and the spirit is still there. Hang in there Wendy!

Also while on the subject of Port Dover, I wrote about an incident where Ya Ya from the Renegades MC had been set upon by cops at a Port Dover event, earlier this year, where he was charged with littering because an empty cigarette package full of the wrappings of the new package he had just opened and intended to throw in the garbage had it not accidentally fallen from his vest pocket, to the ground and before he could retrieve it was given a ticket. He fought it and won.

Good for you Ya Ya! That is what we should all do. Fight everything or they win and we are all losers.

This is going to be one busy summer and I have events booked back to back and some doubled and tripled up on certain days but I always try to show up but sometimes get someone to sub for me at events that deserve to be covered.

I’ve had my Big Irish Brother Murphy sub at a few events to take pictures and give me the lowdown and now another friend, Ollie Nelson, covered for me at recent events and he did a great job even while plagued with a horrible case of gout, and I expect to use him some more in the future.

My Show and Shine in Aug. will fast be upon us, so my workload just keeps escalating.

Hope to see you all out there.

smokeout.ca

SEPT 8th THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 39

Ladies and their Harley’s

This month's feature lady is Jannie, and she has wanted to ride for her entire life. she dated a lot of bikers growing up in the Kitchener area but never got a bike of her own although she did have a brother who rode that had always encouraged her to get on a bike and ride. Tragically he died of a heart attack at a young age, but she remained determined to get on a bike and ride.

Jannie and her current husband Dave have been together for about 16 years now and he says they met just as he was getting divorced and said that he would take care of her and get her a bike if she would just be patient.

Well she put her faith in him and he says he told her he would get to it eventually but first he says they needed a house, and they have a beauty with a lot of upgrades and a humongous shop out back where he works on his and his pals bikes and does a little painting as a hobby.

Jannie says she started to get a little impatient and told him that if he didn’t

THE RIDER’S MAG

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get her that bike he had promised before she turned 50 or became a grandmother that he could just forget it. Well she did become a grandmother but Dave did get her a Johnny Pag motorcycle as a starter long before her 50th birthday. She did the schooling at the local college and got her middle license and became proficient at riding her metric (Dave describes the California bike as a metric) Dave's plan all along had been to transplant an 883 Sportster engine into the frame of the original bike and he had picked up a wrecked bike from the local salvage yard with low mileage on it and at the end of her first riding season he and his buddy Toby yanked the original 300cc engine out of the frame and started to work figuring out how to transplant that Harley engine into the existing bike.

Of course I had to question his sanity and that of his pal who he took along on this little oddesy when I quickly did the math in my head as to the cost of the o r i g i n a l purchase, the

Ladies and their Harley’s together and take some rides in the country just to test out the new bike.

Since this bike comes with a lightweight frame and aluminum wheels and hi tech 4 piston calipers with full floating rotors this bike goes like the wind. Dave admits that he has a hard time keeping up to Jannie when she's screamin along on her bike but the downfall is that she only gets about half the distance out of a tank of fuel that he gets out of his early 90’s Decker.

Since the conversion was finished a few years back the bike not surprisingly has been torn apart a few times since, and not because there was mechanical problems but because Jannie has been having Dave make upgrades to the bike each year, the graphics on the sheet metal was a Christmas gift one year and although Dave paints he does not airbrush but he does have a buddy who airbrushes for him.

used Harley engine, the hours required to do the change over to the 883 evo. It seemed almost crazy that someone would willingly set themselves up for this much work.

But in reality as you can see it is more than just a one of a kind ride, as a matter of fact when he finished the work (with much cursing, swearing, bloody knuckles, and near strokes) when Jannie rode the bike into Stoney Creek Choppers where the original bike was bought they lined up a bunch of other customers to have their bikes converted as well but Dave quickly fixed this with a “are you out of your minds?” or perhaps more colorful language.

This will be her 3rd riding season on this slick little custom screamer and they are talking about taking some time off and taking a ride down south, Dave says he took her for a ride on the back of his Decker 15 or so years ago down Tennessee way and she fell in love with the area and has always wanted to go back down that way for a ride.

For the previous couple of years they have stuck close to home saying that they participate in a lot of the local rides in the area but have been reluctant to go to any cruise nights in the area but think that might start to change a little bit. They do get out The skull rocker boxes were just the start of the upgrades that Jannie has in mind for this bike, the skull theme extends through the primary cover, derby cover, horn cover and carb breather cover. Extra long chromed out primary cover hides the transmission pulley all the way back to the softail swingarm.

Jannie says what she really wants is a wide tire kit on the back which Dan says he will consider but he warns her that the larger back tire will make it harder to turn.

You have to admit that this bike is truly the epitome of a one of a kind ride and Jannie says that she absolutely loves this ride and wants to continue to dream about cool things that she can do with her bike and places that they can ride to on it as well but admits that she has no thoughts or desires to get a different or larger bike at all liking to stay with her truly one of a kind Johnny pagg Harley Sportster conversion.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Hawks Poker Run

by Jon

Cagney's bar is on Upper Gage, and Mohawk in the far corner of a small strip mall that’s hardly noticeable under the large red advertising for a car detailer. It’s a cozy bar, it’s long, narrow, dark, with a heavy, (belly up to the) deeply urethane bar with brass and everything a bar should be. People play poker here with chips and scowl a lot. They throw darts. They know the bar tender, and the bar tender knows them. People shoot pool here. If there were spittoons, these no nonsense people would use them. The refrigerated warehouses in chrome and neon with every live game playing on big screens being drowned by brain itching noise that thumps inside

your chest while large breasted barely 18 year olds on roller skates perilously pirouette among empty tables with trays of wings – these are not the traditional thing associated with the ideal bar atmosphere.

Cagney's is the ideal.

It’s also easy to get to.

On the Hamilton escarpment, take the Lincoln Alexander to Upper Gage, turn towards the escarpment, and at Mohawk, look for that little strip mall on the far left corner, then follow it around, until you get to the end, with the little wooden fence enclosed outside beer terrace.

Saturday was brilliant. Man did I get sun burned out on the bike! +80 degrees. You have to understand that I’m English, thinking Fahrenheit, gallons, and miles – high school and college tried reforming everyone to think metric – I rebelled, refusing to think $1.30/Liter, but knowing that we’re all paying $6.00 per gallon, driving 60 miles an hour and it’s hot at 80 degrees. Using Cagney’s as the destination to get to on Saturday, I roamed Hamilton’s upper roads in search of it. It’s not like bars float from corner to corner, when you’re not looking (or anything like that), it’s not like you can turn away from it for a second, then look back, and find an empty lot spraying water from broken pipes (you understand), it was just that I didn’t have the ‘Mag’ this weekend, and wasn’t entirely sure where Cagney’s was left last year – which is why you now have clear instructions in the paragraph above. With eager anticipation, the news was watched that Saturday night for the Sunday weather report. Forecast: Rain in the afternoon.

You need to understand that on that Thursday, in Toronto, what they meant by “rain” turned out to be something that was awe inspiring. Noah would have built the ARK in preparation for what fell there on Thursday. It went dark, then an ugly dark brown, cars stopped and flashed hazard lights, as a mighty deluge occurred. I cannot believe that anyone would have been happy in that kind of “rain” on a motorcycle, even such as mine with full windshield and all the fairings Harley makes for the Ultra. I thought, maybe I shouldn’t go - tell JR the garage door stuck, the back tire was flat, cops caught me for a speeding ticked, something happened to my camera (something DID happen to my camera, which is why there’s no photos).

Well - ok? I subdued my more negative self in a fit of positive logical thoug ht, to be there for 10:00am, we’d all leave at about 11 + 3 hours for most poker runs to return back to the bar. That would be maybe 2 in the afternoon, back home for 3 or 4 – they wouldn’t have meant THAT early in the afternoon for the rain to start? would they?

The weather wouldn’t be that mean.

So, after all that preamble, we start this story in STOREWIDE SELKIRK 75 degrees, sunny, slightly overcast a

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Hawks Poker Run

by Jon

nice beginning to the second annual Hawks poker run.

Arriving at Cagney’s, 45 minutes later, now 80 degrees, and 30 bikes in the lot with representation from the Red Devils, Iron Riders, and of course the Hawks.

Inside Cagney’s owner, Brenda, had put on a buffet breakfast spread of coffee, toast, bacon, scrambled, baked potatoes, and sausage for $6. The cook told us she’d got up at the crack of dawn to get this lot cooked – not just the breakfast, but early supper as well. My day started with a hefty breakfast at home, so the $20 entry fee was paid to Lance, and a Queen bikers.

Diamonds was drawn from Robin at the entry table (good start, but a long Wendy won the poker hand with 3 Queens. Ray won the 50/50, and I don’t way to go). Dan told me that the proceeds go to a food bank that also does know of anyone who didn’t walk away without a door prize. Make this an tutoring programs called Neighbor to Neighbor (N2N), and to a boys event to go to next year folks. Thanks to: Mountain Theater, Dundas Valley baseball team.At 11, Charlie, the road captain, called everyone together for Hobby, Ancaster Silver city, Hagersville King Chinese Restaurant, Kelsey’s a pep-talk about there not being any blocking, and so on and so forth, then on Upper James, Rider’s Solution, Speedy Sups on Concession, Splitsville the ride was on. Departing Cagney’s heading up to the end of Upper Gage, we zigzagged through the city, making our way out in to the country, somehow, following a long line of now 40 bikes. It wasn’t until we turned a big bend on McClung Road (around the backside of Caledonia) that it was apparent we were. There may have been a little bit of blocking before we reached the first card stop destination at Fisherville Tavern. Another nice little bar folks, if you’re in the area. At the table, May & Barb watched me draw a King of Diamonds (Royal flush?

Maybe?). From there, there might have been a bit more blocking as we took Bowling, Steve & Rick’s Garage on Fennel E., Last Chance Garage, Jeans easy roads that I know well from Fisherville to Waterford, where May & Barb Flower Shop, Frisco’s Sports Bar, Lococo’s, Big B, Poole’s Cycle, 3 for 1 watched me draw a King of clubs (broke that royal flush, but maybe 4 Kings Glasses, Duke Electric, 1 BEW Local 105, and Jerry’s Hair Styling. This is a and a Queen – maybe a full house?). From there, it was paved twisty turns good fun ride, with great people, and should have far more riders, like you, of fields, hills, villages, and woods, lefts and rights requiring plenty of enjoying themselves in it. I hope to be there. blocking on the back roads until the semi-gloom overhead spat a raindrop at my forehead. One – single – solitary rain drop. I think the clouds strained to deliver even that much, and so we arrived at the River Bend outside Ohsweken, on the Indian reserve, but my hopes of drawing 4 kings was dashed when May & Barb watched me pick the 8 diamonds (still 3 kings to be had, or high 2 pair). From here, it was mind bending left turns, right turns, twists, and turns, lights and maybe a tad more blocking before we found ourselves parked back at Cagney’s. With www.rnrcustomcycle.com trepidation, Barb & May watched as I turned Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service over the 9 clubs. Useless. The buffet was Complete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order everything the Hawks said it would be. Fresh Harley Davidson Trained P.H.D. Mechanic buns, salad, pineapple & ham, pork chunks in veggies, sausage in fried peppers and veggies, vegetables and rice, as well as slices of cooked beef. It was an excellent deal. By the end of the day, 41 bikes were in the parking lot, maybe 70

(519) 821-8666

RNR CUSTOM CYCLE LTD.

108 Beaumont Cres. Guelph, Ont THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 43

DANNI’S TIMES Fabulous weather, fabulous rides and great friends make this season just a' rockin..So hard to get things done, any excuse to get out there..Riding these days in the fast lane..rain here tonight and I'm putting words into ink...or the computer is..

Life in the Fast lane , lyrics from The Eagles..

Smoke Out was great..In June, rain does present itself .. a little rain with the greatest bands in the province..with an event that only happens x 2 in a

season..The food smells so good, it’s a part of the event..You don't eat, you are not enjoying yourself..The event t-shirts sold out by 5pm...Everywhere I turned, I bumped into someone we knew..

Life in the fast lane The crowds still come..There still was bike games..with Brigette LaCourciere taking the plank race..She had stiff competition but still held on and took it..This gal's name is well known around here .Awesome rider...

The rain held off till 11:30 at night, lots of shelter to stand or sit under, the weather was warm..scenery was stellar, and as I start to leave the Smoke Out , the band is singing a Van Morrison tune, ..into the night..how appropriate...

Faster, faster. The lights are turnin' red I have been told, do not go around and tell anyone now. Atlantis will be playing in September. This is a Band that will make you move all night, again with Donnie Meeker and Stan Mazda, just to name a few..When they are all together, Atlantis..you have some great music to listen too...

Are you with me so far The Ride For The Moraine..was a total success.

Miss Mary and Reid's hard work really showed on July 8th..

This great little part of Ontario, Zephyr woke to the sounds of motorcycles coming in to their Community Center to help raise money for an important cause, to help protect the Moraine.. I believe I heard a wise ole biker once say, 'charity starts at home.” The Team who puts this ride together are an awesome group..Each one helps in providing the needs of the ride, so that all funds raised goes to , The Ride For The Moraine. Tom who owns the Zephyr Mini Mart and Gas bar loves to see the Riders in town and at his store.

He is the only store in Town and he supports all the causes, including the Ride for The Moraine.

Eager for action and hot for the rides The coffee and homemade cookies were appreciated by all at registration. Served up from The Volunteers from the Zephyr Community Center..10 am sharp and all kick stands of the bikes were up and rolling along the great back roads around Zephyr in recognition of the northern arm of the Moraine known as Zephyr Tract..Rode to Purple Woods Sugar Bush Conservation Area south of Port Perry for a spectacular view of the Moraine and Lake Ontario to the south..This writer rides at least once a week on this road and has never noticed the Conservation Area to the left..again spectacular is the word..

The Oak Ridges Moraine is a vibrant, sustainable, ecosystem that includes the head waters of 65 rivers and streams, providing drinking water to people in the GTA.

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DANNI’S TIMES The Oak Ridges Moraine Land Trust is a grassroots non-governmental organization that has legally binding protection on over 3, 300 acres on the Moraine, ensuring adequate protection for future generations.

Special thanks to Southern Cruisers, Balding Eagles, ( Lou, Bob, Scott), Central Ontario Chrome Divas ,The Breakfast Crew, ( Mary, Mike) , and all the great riders who rode with us that day...

Corbee, Dave, Earl, George, Matt, Paul, Stewart, Terry. ..If you see these great people out there, shake their hands..A stellar group who are always there, protecting us..Police escort right to the cemetery..Balding Eagles were also in attendance..Red Knights, Southern Cruisers..Blue Knights...

He knew all the right people And helped everyone.

Life in the fast lane..

Are you with me so far?

Riders awareness of the importance of the Moraine was immense.

Life in the fast lane.....

Mark your calendar for next year's exciting, Ride For The Moraine on Sunday, July 7th, 2013

This is to Real who has had a real nasty spill in Montreal..As he was riding along the service road at 1st Avenue in Lachine heading on the to Highway 20..met a pot hole that had been filled with cold asphalt..As the daily trucks drove over it their tires pulled it out creating a ski ramp effect. When he went down just a few cars behind were two nurses on their way to work..They were there immediately for him. He still has stitches in his elbow ,bandages on his hands and suffering severe neck pain...Real, a speedy recovery from the Biker community...

Are you with me so far?

Dave Connery has passed and it was a shock to all..Iconic in his artistry ..It was sure shown in the crowd who visited and attended his service..written on their web site...This great gentleman will also be missed in the Car World..I have had so many conversations with car guys who are driving cars with a Connery paint job...

He was a great man...

Are you with me so far?

Jack Baker who founded EMS White Knights on July 3, 1998 passed on June 22nd, 2012 and again was shown the many friends he collected during his life..The EMS are a pivotal group who ride with so many of the great rides here in Ontario. With Jack’s death, they have had a challenge concentrating on their work..Murray, Dennis, Ron, Karen, Albert, Wayne, James, James, Robin, Natalia, Lorne, Michael, Chris, Dion, Barry, Burx,

Inc.

Design Build

Had the greatest time down in Dover on the 13th..Walking along Main st..at 7:15 in the morning, who was there shooting pictures? Critter.. Even then the two sides were taken with bikes with the third in the middle being taken..I met so many people..Dave Balderson from Gananogue was there and that was really nice to see..So many french speaking people who came in from Quebec and all were enjoying themselves..The Veterans Riding group from Northern Ontario were there in numbers..enjoyed their conversations... A special birthday wish to Bob Deadman...celebrate my friend...

Safe Ride Danni

Advanced Architectural Systems Inc. aasinc@sulug.ca THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 45

JOKE PAGE Over 100 used

asked the Ranger. With pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, "...The Balcony..."

“Turtle”

Wanting Coffee: An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure. Coming right up." He gets !Financing Avaliable the Indian a tall mug of coffee...... The Indian !Family Owned & Operated drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and !Since 1958 blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male Wheatley, 519-825-4222 buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he proudly says, "Training for position in Canadian government. Come in, whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." drink coffee

Stock or Chopper Dyna Replacement Frames 1 Marconi Court Unit #9 Bolton ON

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right mister, what's your name?" "Fred," moaned the cowboy. "Where ya from, Fred?"

, shoot the bull, leave shit for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's behind: 1. If walking and cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2.

Harley ! BSA ! Norton ! Triumph

1st Annual Rodeo & Roast August 10-12, 2012 @

12 Carrying Place Road, Trenton, Ont. K8V 3E7

11101 County Rd. 15 North Augusta, ON (Google Maps “Big Daddy’s Cowpaddy Rodeo & Roast”)

(613) 392-8433

www.BigDaddysCowPaddy.ca greg@BigDaddysCowPaddy.ca

www.makeitroar.com

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 46

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