2012-08 v14-n08

Vol.14 THE #8

RIDER’S MAG

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

Joke Page

Nov. Dec. ‘12

FREE

What’s Shakin

Kitchener Harley Endless Summer Bash

Critters Alzhiemers Show and Shine

We Support the Troops!!!

Feature Bike

The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 2

WELCOME TO

THE

RIDER’S MAG

www.hipscycle.ca

900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Rider's Mag. It has been a great riding summer however we are into the cooler crisper weather so put your winter woolies on and enjoy till the snow flies. Take a look inside for the changes that are coming! Keep telling our advertisers that you seen their ad in The Rider's Mag.

TABLEOFCONTENTS Fighting for your Rights

4

(Scarry Larry states his case) On the Road

6

Since 1988

WE DO IT ALL! M.T.O. INSPECTION STATION PARTS AVAILABLE FROM ALL SUPPLIERS

(The publisher grinds his axe) Critters August Show and Shine

10

ALL LICENSED MECHANICS

(A perfect day and a busy ride to Barrie) What’s Shakin

13

(Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page

15

(Time to Bust a Gut) Piglet

20

(Our feature bike of the month) Cruising with Critter

23

(Critter recounts his travels in C.C.) Bikers Church

26

(Pastor Dave and motorcycles) Ottawa Valley Motorcycle & Tattoo Show

27

(Beau reports on Ottawas Premier show) Kitchener Harley Endless Summer Bash

30

45

(Manon checks out the festivities) Brothers of the Blade Daybreak Event

32

(Critter finds an assistant in Ollie) Danni’s Times (A Ladies Perspective)

34

amsalestoronto.com

416.663.3382 THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 3

Fighting For Your Rights With Scary Larry I suppose I should be grateful for any sign of recognition . . . Since my last FFYR article, I have been exposed to some negative feedback from nonclubbers and, as a result of that exchange, I came to an undeniable conclusion - in Canada, to achieve public acceptance that a persecution problem exists is comparable to watching a race between a sloth and a tortoise in slo-mo. This conclusion is undeniably reinforced when the complainants can only recite media reports as the obvious gospel concerning the biker life. Gotta be true cuz the media is never biased, Eh Ollie? As I debated the situation with these ignoramuses, it came to me that, at the very least, someone was actually reading my rants and also that my writing caused them to, ponder the problem, and question my position. One of my literary mentors revealed that a disgruntled reader was only one step removed from becoming an ally – the trick is to make them understand your side of the situation, via the preponderance of undisputable evidence, which should ultimately compel them to agree with your position – or so it goes on paper. There have been many times in the past when I have envisioned myself akin to a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest – particularly when it appears that my activism instigated no cause or effect on the situation. However, due to this exchange, and the ultimate outcome (the protagonists became believers) I am reassured that public opinion may be, ever so slightly, conceding that there is merit in our complaint regarding the persecution of a visible minority. Perhaps – now that the Ontario K/W voters have delivered a resounding ‘thumbs- down’ to the Liberals - the bureaucrats’ inside Queens Park may be agreeable to do something for the bikers of Ontario instead of continually doing shit to the bikers of Ontario. Wouldn’t that be a refreshing turn of events, Eh Ollie? It’s time for Ontario politicians to address the issue concerning the prevalence of authoritative malice towards bikers - simply because we are separate

from mainstream society. An intelligent and sophisticated society would be able to rationalize that there is good and bad in all human organizations, yet the dogs of the establishment are allowed to harass and harangue bikers with a multitude of unnecessary intrusions into their everyday innocent activities. How long can these archaic tactics be permitted to insult and restrict a small sector of our social fabric? Begs the question - Does this crap actually help or hinder the advancement of our society? What is apparent is that people are being profiled and singled out merely for adopting a lifestyle. Every year, more citizens opt to enjoy the freedom of the biker life only to be persecuted for their legal choices. Perhaps the mandarins need to be reminded that . . . Resentment and outrage are the handmaidens of anarchy!

Thanx to the efforts of two dedicated OCC members, we have an organized form to assist us in recording examples of unjustified profiling.

With this form it is now possible for you, me, all of us to gather information during those unwarranted and unwanted LE intrusions. Everyone is invited to visit www.occ4u.org and download the form off our Information page.

Familiarize yourself with the topics listed on the form and the next time you are harassed because of your appearance – fill it out and email it to our secretary or snail mail it to the Ontario Confederation of Clubs address on our site. It is hoped that this effort will lead to a ruling against profiling similar to the legislation currently being contemplated or utilized in several of the United States.

Stand tall, stand proud and never settle for a lesser freedom than that which other levels of our society enjoy.

Larry Lilly OCC Treasurer

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(519) 445-2275

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On the Road

I have been talking about it for quite a while now; I have grown tired and cynical. I have been talking to the staff about change for nearly 3 years now finally making the point this past February in London 2 years after the initial proposal. I thought I might have a big speech or a rather lengthy diatribe written to sum up my 14 years as publisher and co-founder of the riders Magi whose concept came to fruition in the spring of 1998 and started to roll that fall with the premier issue in print March 1999. I always felt it was a fad that would last 6 months and we could move on but it became part of our life, our family and involved children and parents alike.

It was a fun and interesting ride, definitely a new experience for an entrepreneur who has been self employed since age 18 with absolutely no background in publishing a magazine although some knowledge of printing as I was involved for many years with the production of a rather elaborate spare parts catalogue for the auto body repair industry. Like all entrepreneurs you adapt and identify what needs to be done and the most efficient way to do it and we have turned that into an art form with the Mag over all these years.

But it is definitely time to move on, I was a young man in my late 30’s when I started out, still had hair on my head and my beard was reddish black, these days I am past 50 with so little hair I am susceptible to sunburn on my scalp if I don't cover up and a beard that has been grey so many years now most think I am closer to 60. We have given up 14 consecutive march breaks, may 24 weekends, and the majority of birthdays to deadlines and production weeks. It's time to work on family.

A sane individual likely would have shut it down after the economy collapsed in 2008 and admittedly it took me a year or so to realize that the world had changed and I better change with it cause things were going south. We made the necessary cuts and stopped 99% of sponsorships and since I have never taken any pay from the magazine, the only expenses were the printer, delivery via truck drivers, courier and post office and a

Inc.

Design Build THE RIDER’S MAG

shared office with my other company so we were able to carry on for our readers and fans alike.

I expected the economy to pick up within a few years but it has been less than spectacular in its recovery but we have leaned out the expenses so the Mag makes sufficient money to cover all of its expenses and it is here that I had the business over to Critter who has become the embodiment of the riders Mag, the most recognizable face of the Mag, and a guy with a lot of fresh ideas and some time on his hands to run the magazine his way. To be truthful not much is changing its kinds like taking the cards in shuffling and dealing again, Critter gets my job and all the annoyances that go along with it, I get my life back to spend with my family.

I will remain responsible for the list of feature applicants and will keep my email address theridersmag@gmail.com as well as my phone number 905-631-5890 although I will be letting the post office box go when the contract expires in the spring as I have no further need for the expense, my excellent editor J.B. will continue to edit my drivel. This will include feature guy, feature lady in season, on the road, and reports on all my favorite events which I will continue to cover and I will also be designing and submitting a cover for each issue but my expectation is that critter will do whatever he figures he needs to do to put his own personal stamp on the Mag and I know all of you will like it.

So I don't think there's much point in dwelling on it further, I had hoped to conclude the paperwork for this transferral over to Critter before it finally did get completed and have had the opportunity to send personal letters to all our advertisers and suppliers detailing the changes but that was not to be. I also to contact all of our volunteer writers who take their own time to attend events and submit articles and pictures for these advertised events using their own personal computers, internet connections, and cameras, and yes they all own and ride Harley Davidson motorcycles which has always been a requirement around here.

Advanced Architectural Systems Inc. aasinc@sulug.ca Page 6

On the Road

I will be staying on to help Critter get over all the hurdles, roadblocks, and whatever else may come up over whatever period of time it takes to get this thing moving forward and will show up at various events as I am invited or that I try to barge in on just cause that's the kind of guy that I am, I have already been asked if I might be at some of the upcoming shows and my answer was I don't know I haven't been invited to any but please don't think that's a slight on Critter, he's been busy trying to make all the preparations) to take over the Mag as of Nov 2, 2012 as I pass him the torch.

Wow enough of that, listen up feature wanna be’s I need more men's bikes in Sportster, shovel, and vintage categories, and ladies we might be close to a full list for next year but when we hit the road to do shoots so 4-6 shoots per weekend when we hit the road so send us your info and we will try to get you scheduled on one of our annual trips to the east of Toronto (which we never made this year) the southwest area which we do every April or so and the local Niagara area which we do usually on a whim and of course those who live close can ride on over to the casa and we get em done on weekdays which is highly convenient for us.

To expand on our lack of an east of Toronto trip this year there was a guy who put his and his wife's bike on the list, we tried to arrange a trip in the spring, he says well we are only available on weekends. So I put off a couple other folks in the area searching for a weekend when I am not at events, with my kids, attending family events or producing the Mag which takes the third weekend of each month. I emailed 2 months in advance proposing this date and followed it up with a phone call when he says well I really want her bike in I'll get a girl to model on it, wholly fuck buddy do you even read the Mag or just know a guy who likes it? This was a classic example of a guy who never told his wife the bike was on the list, didn't know he needed a girl on his bike (I always liked husband and wife shoots cause there was no waiting around for a model) Apologizes to the ones that were scheduled whom had to be cancelled.

attend on that date which ended up being one of the busiest days on the calendar for September which also was the date of the annual B.R.O. Niagara Scavenger hunt and I headed to Florida the following Monday.

Before I forget there was a lady who approached me at the Blackhawks show and shine at Frankie's at the end of September who wanted a much sought after “titty shirt” so as I do carry some in my tour pack I obliged with a picture and gave her a black spaghetti shirt.

She was eyeballing the white ones and wanted to know how she could get one of those and of course I told her I would exchange it or she could get another lady and I would give her a white one also, that didn't happen so she left happy with her one shirt. Gals we always have a few around left over from previous events so don’t be afraid to ask. As for the Blackhawks show the words will appear in a future issue once we get out of backlog with advertised events which should happen early this spring.

Well I think that's a wrap I have blown my stack, increased my blood pressure, finished my last issue of the Mag for which I have full responsibility and now onto tamer things like trading weekly derivatives which is my mainstay these days, spending time with my wonderful wife, raising my 7 children to the best of my abilities and becoming a grandfather two months ago. Also the primary caregiver to my aging parents who are both octogenarians whom I do my best for every day, so let's just say I am not slowing down and relaxing just getting rid of one annoyance so I can focus on all the others eh? See you out there, on the road.

Then there was another fellow who was scheduled for the spring, we showed up for his shoot, where's the girl? Shockingly NO girl. Of course I had to ask if he was a reader, like others before him he swore up and down he had seen bikes on the cover without a girl., Never happened, I went on to tell him my fingerprints are on every fuckin copy of the Mag ever created, and I have written every feature article with the exception of one lady shoot out of the past 152 issues which include all but one of the 70 lady features over that time period.

Funny I have never had these kind of issues in all the aforementioned years of doing these shoots, I dunno if its cause people are getting flakier or I'm lacking in patience. Maybe both. I mean over all the shoots we have had maybe one or two outta 150 who we had to come back to cause of a lack of lady, but that was years ago and I almost always say so in the emails and always do when it goes into the mag. People take days off work to accommodate us for shoots and generally speaking when I schedule shoots I go and do them and having cancelled two trips in a short span was unusual and we did get all the bikes shot we needed to get shot so we are rd good until the spring but gimme a break that's why we don't take 3 party applications they kinda end up like the above experiences and we don't go there and haven't since more than a dozen years.

I need to send out apologies to a few of our advertisers whom we were unable to get someone out to cover their events due to a shortage of warm bodies to get out and ride as I have mentioned before all our writers are volunteers and have lives, families, children that they spend time with and go on trips or just spend time together so my apologies to B.R.O. Niagara for not being able to cover the Summerbash on that busy weekend July 21 when I was finishing up the August Mag, and two different Clare's demo rides one Harley at the beautiful Niagara on the Lake facility and a non Harley at the original shop we all know and love on highway 20 in Fenwick. I wanted very much to attend the annual Red Devils MC poker run which is one of my favorites but I had the wedding of the daughter of a close friend to

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Perfect Pigs Perfect Pig Roast - 2012

by Critter

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Major & Minor Repairs, Rebuilds & Scheduled Service Complete Machine Shop Service, Frame Up Build to Order

or rather roadblocks had been set up near the entrance to the property and attendees were treated to and subjected to interrogation and harassment photo sessions and many received tickets for items such as high handlebars on a bone stock Harley just to remember the occasion by.

But even the locals were not to be excluded from the little party as even a local farmer and neighbour with his tractor and hay wagon was hassled.

I have a feeling (And have it on good authority.) that their presence was politically motivated and this action was a well-planned and orchestrated retaliation against the club and some of the members and not just a random safety check out in the middle of nowhere as claimed.

Whatever, it was a pain in ass and a complete and total waste of Police manpower not to mention Taxpayers dollars which could be better spent on any number of more worthwhile things such as health care, education, road repair or God forbid, even using all the manpower and resources that was brought to bear here today in high crime areas where people are actually being shot and killed rather than on a quiet country road where a hundred of so old bikers were holding a barbecue and were just trying to enjoy the day.

Once through the nonsense that these turkeys were trying to pass off as Law enforcement, I rode on into the property to discover that all that rain that we had been getting lately had done a real job on the long driveway that leads to the party area.

The twins do their level best to keep on top of it but old Ma Nature does her best just to fuck with them!

It is treacherous at the best of times, with some nasty ruts, washed out sections and some muddy spots that can prove to be a challenge even when you are prepared for it.

I have ridden in and out of here in all kinds of crap without incident hundreds of times over the years so I knew what to watch for and where most of the trouble spots were.

I took it slow and easy, veering right at the top of the first hill avoiding the section that is always heavily washed out and rutted then moved back to the centre then left again and up onto the grass to skirt the large muddy section at the corner.

Piece of cake!

Now one more hill and I was there.

I could see their smiling faces and smell the food cooking.

I could taste that first cold 50 as it trickled down my throat.

Continued on page 18

Harley Davidson Trained P.H.D. Mechanic

RNR CUSTOM CYCLE LTD.

108 Beaumont Cres. Guelph, Ont We had an abundance of rain over the past week but today it was bright and beautiful as Petoonia and I made our way out to the magnificent Western Town property, home to The World Famous Smoke Out which would today be the venue for The First Ever (Forgive me JD) Perfect Pig Roast put on by the Perfect Pigs M.C. It was an amazing, absolutely gorgeous, ride.

Nothing but blue skies and glorious sunshine, but a dark cloud loomed just over the next rise.

Not a cloud caused by Mother Nature but an over the top police roadblock

THE RIDER’S MAG

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Critter Country Show and Shine –Aug 26, 2012 These events are an adventure to say the least, and while I’ve learned a few tricks along the way, I find that there is still room for improvement. I get it done with lots of help from friends and family and there is no way I could do it without them.

Then there is the tremendous support I get from the clubs that not only, so generously sponsor trophies but come out to the events in large numbers.

The 400 Market is an amazing place and the size of the lot that I was given lends itself perfectly to these events.

The management are great to work with and very supportive so it makes it a lot easier to pull off.

I’m trying to create an event here that will bring people not only to the Show and Shine but to the Market and their vendors as well and I have succeeded in doing that to date, but I can do better and with each show I’ve added essential equipment and learned what appears to not be working so well and what I would like to do in the future.

THE RIDER’S MAG

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I’ve purchased my own sound equipment because I want tunes playing from the very start until the end of the day and when the band isn’t playing I have my stuff playing.

One thing that I wanted from the start was an outside beer garden and while there is an excellent licensed restaurant inside at DC’s Diner it pulls people away from the Show and Shine.

Plans for an outside area with a license fell through once again and with the new location for the event being further away from the Market it was a long walk for beer or washroom breaks and that is a problem but there was little time to do anything about it now so we pushed on ahead.

My favourite people, the weather forecasters had once again predicted rain but once again they were wrong and we awoke to a gorgeous day.

I had the truck just crammed full with equipment, trophies and what-not the night before and was sure that I had everything. con’t on page 12

Critter Country Show and Shine –Aug 26, 2012 So I swung by and picked up my Grandson, Nick and we headed north and after a breakfast stop in Bradford we made the trip to the Market before 8:00 to find vendors already there and ready to set up.

My buddyAllan who has been a tremendous help at all of my events and has helped out at the Riders Mag booth and at Port Dover showed up once again to help.

My big Irish buddy Murph rode up as well. He has also been with me right from the start when this was just an idea and without him it may never have left the planning stage. He was really missed at some previous shows as he had some health issues but he was large and in charge today and we set about the task of getting things set up and ready for what was to be a very busy day.

Doug, Butch and his son Jodie from the Black Diamond Riders having finished getting Johnny Sombrero’s booth set up came over to lend a much needed hand in getting our stuff up and running.

We set up the canopy first so we could get the music playing then went about covering the stage with other canopies at which point I sliced my finger open and bled like a stuck pig. Being on blood thinners doesn’t help when you’re trying to stop the blood from flowing and all attempts with regular bandages was fruitless as they would fill up and fall off so I

THE RIDER’S MAG

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improvised by wrapping a wad of napkins around it and securing it with duct tape.

It did the job but it did stand out.

I just told people it was my tribute to Red Green and to keep their sticks on the ice and not to pull their goalie.

We got that accomplished when Black Gold’s crew arrived with the generator so that the band would have some power.

I was off to check on the vendors.

Pamela the T Shirt Girl was ready to rock with her fantastic line of apparel and fashion accessories and she is always a hit and not because she looks great but she is a fun lady to be around.

Tina from Purple Slice and her crew were up and at it and if she had her way there wouldn’t be a bike in the lot that wasn’t gleaming in the bright sunlight and it wasn’t that she didn’t try. She is one busy lady!

It was warming up pretty good as I made my rounds stopping in to see Scary Larry and The Perfect Pigs at their booth.

The BDR’s were out in full force and there was an ever growing assortment of bikes in front of their booth and they attracted lots of attention and appeared to be having a great time. con’t on page 22

WHAT’S SHAKIN WEEKLY EVENTS EVERY MONDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)6793778 EVERY TUESDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778 EVERY WEDNESDAY Frankie's Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more Limited Time and Space available to imagine your info please call (905)679-3778 Dream Ride for 2013, call now to book your build EVERY THURSDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 EVERY FRIDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL MONTHLY EVENTS DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 NOV 8th EVERY SATURDAY Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having Bagger Nation Night to Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and register with Ian go to www.rockys-harley.com Karaoke (905)679-3778 EVERY SUNDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679NOV 15th 3778 Kitchener Harley Davidson London is having Bagger Nation Night to register with John go to www.kitchenerharley.com

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Please Call Denise @ (905) 866-4272 NOV 27th Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having their annual Ladies Night NOV 29th Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having their annual Men's Night DEC 4th Kitchener Harley Davidson is having their annual Ladies Night DEC 6th Kitchener Harley Davidson is having their annual Men's Night DEC 8th Clare's Harley Davidson Niagara at 590 York road in N.O.T.L. is having their Holiday Open House coffee donuts prizes and more for more info please call (905)684-4647 JAN 4th-6th North American International Motorcycle Supershow at the International Centre in Toronto for more info please call 1- 888-6617469 FEB 8th-10th World of Motorcycle Expo in London at the Western Fair Agriplex for more info please call (519)851-5339 FEB 24th Big Al's Annual Swap Meet at the Dundas Community Center 10 Market Street 10am3pm for more info please call (905)746-7077

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JOKE PAGE * I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! * The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.

She's 21, and her name's Kathy. * Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. * My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year!

You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." * The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. * A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!" * I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." * My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. * The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

The Dreaded Call: My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?" I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped. "Can you do me a favor?" he asked. I said, "Of course, what is it? "Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."

A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling Back and forth. A Mountie on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the Newfie replies. The Mountie asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies. About that time the Mountie looks down and sees the man's willyhanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out...."Holy shit!

Me girlfriend's gone, too!!

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Paterson about enlarging her breasts. Dr. Paterson advised her, "Every day after your shower, rub your chest" and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!"

She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning, she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened, she might lose her lovely BOOBS if she didn't recite the little

a rhyme, she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, "Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Paterson’s? "Yes I am.... How did you know?' He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock" I was in Starbucks recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod .and how was your day?

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED

BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?" THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND." "I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT. THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIXPACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER. HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."“Turtle

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it. Eventually, she had enough, and

THE RIDER’S MAG

Store Hours: Mon. - Fri. : 10:00 - 6:00 Saturday: 10:00 - 3:00 Closed: Sunday

Page 15

JOKE PAGE SAVE TOMORROW

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ecocomfortinsulation.com pulled the Emergency Cord. The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch." She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker."

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!

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2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 8 months.

4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me It's really not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a man

7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a bug exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate CONTINUED ON PAGE 36

Perfect Pigs Perfect Pig Roast - 2012

by Critter Then it happened!

Petoonia's front wheel got caught up in a washed out rut, her back tire started to spin in the loose dirt and gravel and she pitched to the right.

No problem I thought, I'll merely give a quick push off with my right leg balance her back up and be on my way.

That plan might have and should have worked if I wasn't wearing my new handy dandy leg brace that was out on her maiden trip with rough terrain and I was anxious to see how effective it would be in making my knee more stable.

Now the brace runs from my mid-calf to mid-thigh and while it gives a good range of motion to the front the upper part of my leg is pretty rigid to the sides.

The same can't, be said for my foot and ankle which when stabbed into the ground with Petoonia still with some forward motion, the only thing that could pivot, did, and that was my foot and my ankle, which was now twisted at right angle to the rest of my leg which offered no support for me and Petoonia whatsoever and down we went down and I now had the entire weight of Petoonia laying on it.

I'm pleased to report that the leg brace held up real well and supported the weight well and at no time was my knee in any distress.

The same could not be said for my ankle which has I knew was on the verge of breaking and all I could do was lie there holler for help and wait for the inevitable snap!

The Perfect Pigs heard me recognized my plight and immediately came running.

It is a good thing for me that these particular Perfect Pigs were built for speed and they moved in quickly like a fox on a wounded chicken and had Petoonia off of me and back on her feet before she could do any major damage.

It was not the perfect start to the day.

They got me to a shady spot, rode Petoonia the rest of the way in and parked her, brought a bag of ice gave me Advil and a can of pop and I just waited for the pain to subside before putting my boot on after establishing and confirming with the much concerned Perfect Pigs (Who were probably thinking what they were going to say to Godzilla to explain how I managed to get damaged at their event, much the same as other Brothers had to explain how I managed to get home from their place and had a heart attack years ago. Maybe just throw me and Petoonia in the driveway and fuck off quick and let her find me in the morning with the newspaper probably went through their heads.) that nothing was broken and I moved off to do what I came here to do, cover the event.

They had this thing planned out well, as they had enough food to feed a small Army and lots of everything that in included lots of beverages and good tunes blasting from the sound system.

There was plenty to talk about with many comparing the tickets they received from the hordes outside the gates, planning how best to fight the

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crap that was just harassment plain and simple.

I hobbled around visiting here and there and took a whack of pictures.

I was really shocked to learn that these guys even knew my favorite beer and had some 50 in stock.

I had been suffering from a nasty Kidney infection all week and this would be the first drink that I'd had of anything alcoholic all week.

I had not been eating much either so this was a real treat.

They had a tug of war that was a hard fought series of battles that had the crowd on its feet, cheering the combatants on.

There was lots of sweating, swearing, grunting and groaning people falling and getting dragged through the dirt but when the dust settled the behemoths of The Iron Phoenix came out victorious.

The food was served much to the delight of the entire crowd who had been teased and tantalized by the sensational aromas that wafted through the air all day lingering like a gentle kiss and leaving that gnawing feeling deep in your gut.

The response to the announcement that diner was about to be served was even better received than the news that the Cops had left and the lineup formed almost instantly!

The food was outstanding, beef, chicken, salads and other fantastic fare, not forgetting the perfectly roasted pig made for a “Pigout� fit for a king.

It was a great day with some great people and we'll worth the pain I went through to get in here.

The Perfect Pigs were the Perfect hosts and did everything right.

It is just too bad that Politics and bad blood had to come into play and put a bit of a damper in on things.

Maybe hatchets can be buried, differences can be sorted out and we can all get on with enjoying our lives and our lifestyle the way we chose to live without the bullshit that was demonstrated here.

There were a lot of people who suffered undue and totally unnecessary financial burdens resulting from this over the top nonsense of using taxpayer dollars and resources to make a point, or to strike back in what amounted to a personal vendetta.

The point being, some don't seem to really care about that much about bikers or Brotherhood as much as they claim to and it the real agenda appears to be to move one's self up the ladder at any expense.

Respect, honour and pride are sacrificed along with anybody who happens to be in the vicinity.

Is that all we are, all just collateral damage?

I hope you are happy and I'm sure you can count on members of the biker community for support in future endeavours.

The Piglet

This month's feature guy is Gazoo and if you have attended a motorcycle show in Ontario in the past 25 years or so you have met and spoke to him.

He is best known for manning the B.R.O. Ontario booth which promotes bikers rights and safe riding along with rider awareness on a variety of problems with the highway traffic act and almost always has a petition to sign to be delivered to the government to lobby for changes to these laws.

Gazoo has been riding for most of his life and started out riding an old BSA motorcycle which he still owns to this day, and has plans to restore to riding condition at some future date. He bought this 1967 ironhead Sportster from a club brother many years ago as a two wheeler and he rode his bike with pride and says he won a trophy at a show and shine for best bike in his class and shortly after bragging to his brothers blew the transmission in the bike.

Being a budget biker he says he didn't have the money at the time to repair the bike and was in jeopardy of losing his house so he was forced to sell the bike to another of his brothers to obtain the cash to pay off his property taxes. He says that his finances improved significantly and he was able to repurchase the bike from his beloved ironhead complete with refurbished transmission the following year and he was happy again to be riding, making him both the 7th and 9th owner of this vintage ironhead.

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Sadly about 10 years ago the member whom he had originally purchased the bike from passed away and of course he went to pay his respects at the funeral and attend the wake that followed in Peterborough. While leaving the wake and riding home he says that he was passing a left turning bus and as entering the intersection, on a green light an elderly lady not seeing him was executing a left turn coming from the opposite direction and he slammed into her car catching the front wheel in her wheel well and flying off the bike.

Gazoo says at that moment his life was changed forever and he ended up in the hospital for five months with a number of surgeries on his leg at hospitals in both Peterborough and Ottawa. He says that the 5 hour ambulance ride to Ottawa was particularly challenging not to mention boring and he says that the result was that he became a mechano man with a large quantity of metal in his leg.

The ensuing fight with both his insurance company and that of the lady who cut him off was epic and while in hospital the bike had been towed to the local Harley dealer for damage appraisal and apparently the appraiser had

The Piglet says once the kit was ordered and shipped to him he spent about a month converting it over from a two wheeler to a three wheeler.

Gazoo opted to keep his factory rear fender on it which is common on conversions where the drive wheel is retained and the trike kit is more like training wheels but his thinking was that if he wanted to return the bike to a two wheeler everything was still there saying if he was to remove the back fender and put a trike body on the rear end it would likely be a servicar style body.

Once the conversion was on the bike he sent it out to have the rear brake line installed to the rear calipers on the bike. He says that he replaced the factory fuel tank with a 4.2 gallon porkster because he says he got tired of looking over the next hill for the next gas station and that the tank and fenders where painted at a local body shop and the powder coating was also done locally.

Since he finished doing the conversion he has been slowly replacing or perhaps we should say blacking out the chrome saying that he really likes the blacked out look saying when he has to pull the engine out again he

dispatched a salvage yard to take the bike despite his desire to keep and repair the bike. He called the insurance adjuster from his hospital bed and blasted him for this indiscretion and was able to finally resolve this problem agreeing to purchase his bike back for a nominal sum.

When he finished his five month stint in the hospital he says that he spent another six months recuperating at a lakefront property that belonged to a family member and during all that time he never stopped thinking about his bike and riding again. Gazoo says it took two years to finally reach a cash settlement with the insurance companies, saying it was a mediation at a tall building in Toronto overlooking both old and new city halls and when they finally came to a number that was agreeable to him he says that sounds good to me where do I sign and when do I get my money?

No longer being able to work he took the remainder of his settlement after his lawyer had taken his 15% and put it into a variety of investments that would give him a monthly income for the rest of his life purchased himself a van to replace that old Lincoln that he used to haul the booth display to the shows in and set about planning the repairs to his ironhead.

He took the bike or at least parts of it to a variety of shops to have the frame straightened and all the mechanicals put back into order so that it was once again in rideable condition and got back on and started to ride again. It didn't take too long for him to come to the realization that despite the elaborate repairs to his leg it wasn't going to work out continuing to ride on two wheels so being the determined biker that he is he went shopping the internet looking for a trike conversion.

He settled on an American trike conversion kit and says by the time it was all said and done with the purchase he was on a first name basis with the salesman at the company which is based in Illinois. It's a particularly elaborate conversion with independent rear suspension which is one of the higher end versions and fairly expensive, he

might have it done over top to bottom in black. The rear taillights/brake lights are off a police special and says he bought them from a neighbor for $30.

Gazoo has done an extensive amount of riding within Ontario and says he makes an annual iron butt style ride out to Sault Ste. Marie every year and has done so when he is able for many years now obviously with the exception of the time he spent rehabilitating from his accident. He also says that his club brother who bought his bike for a year and then sold it back to him has also passed away and was laid to rest with his mother in Dauphin MN, and he is planning a out west ride to pay his respects to his brother and visit friends in both Medicine HatAB as well as New Westminster BC. He would also like to take a ride to the east coast at some future date but says that his priority at this point is getting out west for a ride and when he's kicking around at home he plans to revive his old BSA. Gazoo has been the Vice Chairman of B.R.O. Ontario for longer than anyone can remember and he says that someday someone will step up and take it over from him but until then he plans to stay active with B.R.O. attend their events and participate in local events in the Kawartha Lakes area.

Specs are on Page 26.

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Critter Country Show and Shine –Aug 26, 2012 Big Murph and Nick had the registration booth well in hand while Allan armed with his bright orange vest was braving the sun and heat out by the road directing traffic.

What had started out as a slow day started to pick up speed in a big way as wave after wave of riders came in and joined us.

Peppermint Patty arrived as did Julie Warren and went about the task of selling 50/50 tickets then Godzilla who got a ride up with Deadly Doug’s favourite girl Sweet Sue got busy in the booth.

The band arrived and started setting up.

This was an unknown for me as I’d never heard this band before and hired them strictly on the word and reputation of my buddy Donnie Meeker from The Perfect Pigs who had been telling me about his band for a long time and I really wanted to give him a gig.

I wasn’t the slightest bit disappointed.

In fact I wouldn’t hesitate to hire them again. They did an amazing job and I heard lots of favourable comments as I made my way around.

They came complete with a smoking hot lady singer by the name of Kimberly Wetmore who has a voice that makes you quiver and she looks fantastic as well, and she is a rider as well so she fit right in here.

They had the place rocking!

These shows keep me very busy from start to finish and while I’d like to stop and listen to the band I really can’t so I didn’t get to fully appreciate their talents.

It is a blur from start to finish and there is a constant flow

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of people to meet and greet and things to do.

I got the judges set up and ready to go having commandeered more of my friends, Dusty, Razz, and Roger from the AOA and they set about their task of picking winners from all the magnificent bikes that had registered, with the lovely Kreisha keeping track of their decisions.

Boss man JR paid an unexpected but, much appreciated visit but I didn’t get much time to talk to him as there were many demands on my time.

It was soon time to sort out the judges decisions and figure out the furthest travelled on get things ready for the awards.

The 50/50 draw was done with young Nick doing the honours and then it was on to the door prizes and finally the awards for the Show and Shine.

I have misplaced my winners list at the moment. I have the list for the May Show and the Sept. Show but the Aug. show winners list is hiding somewhere in the clutter that is my studio at the moment as I am reorganizing in order to get things set up for the change with the Mag and as I am on deadline for this article and the boss is already on my case, when I find it I will publish the list.

But for now I would like to thank the sponsors of the trophies for their generous support: The Outlaws MC, Canada, The Brothers of the Blade MC, The Black Diamond Riders MC, The Paradice Riders MC, The Renegades MC, The Aces and Eights MC, The Brotherhood MC, The Full Throttle Motor Company, Big Daddy’s Rock and Roll Emporium, Black Gold Canada, Jabber’s Airbrush Studio, The Riders Mag, The 400 Market and DC’s Diner.

I would like to thank all who came out and I hope you enjoyed the day.

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Well here we are closing in on the ending of another year.

This has been an extremely busy year for me and one filled with many challenges and changes with much more change to come, for me in my personal life, career-wise, and with my involvement with the Riders Mag. I just turned 65 in Sept. which is a milestone I never thought I’d see.

The thoughts of retirement, quite frankly just pissed me off as I had always thought that that !Financing Avaliable was just some word that applied to old people !Family Owned & Operated who were ready to slow down and lead a life of leisure. !Since 1958 I witnessed many friends take a fast road downhill into a grave that they (In the eyes of many, myself included.) wouldn’t have seen if they hadn’t retired.

It seemed to us that it was too much of a shock to Wheatley, 519-825-4222 the system to change the lifestyle that they had experienced and grown accustomed to all their adult lives and they didn’t With getting this great contract inAurora just 10 km. down the Road from my house and this news all was again looking rosy in Critter Country. get to enjoy their so called “Golden Years” for long if at all.

Now comes the twist and the dilemma.

I have been a hard worker all my life and I have enjoyed it.

I put in long hours and did my best to cram all that I had to do and all that I JR has long been talking and writing and out and out whining about how he wanted to do into the time allowed and days would run together many times. would like to get away from the owning and running of The Mag, as he has a Aside from my work with the Mag and some freelance cartooning for various young family and wants to spend more time with them and so on and so on newspapers and magazines throughout this country and the USAand along and while he still loves the entity that he and JB created some fourteen with the airbrushing and a couple of other things just so I wouldn’t get bored, years ago he wanted out and rather than shut it down he has decided to let I’ve worked for Canada Cartage for the past 40 some odd years and it has me take over. been an experience. We had our differences in opinions at times but I was So while he is staying on to give me guidance and do certain assignments always treated well and do not have anything bad to say about them and features of his choosing as well as some advertising sales he will be stepping down as boss and I will do my best to carry it on. whatsoever.

In fact I have always considered them to be a top notch company and it has I will do my best to maintain the Mag as you’ve come to know it, because if it aint broke, don’t fix it. been a pleasure to have worn their uniform and driven their trucks.

We used to have to retire when we reached 65 and it was something that I The website however is due for some changes and they will happen. found disappointing and increasingly disconcerting as the years went I will, however be retiring from my career as a truck driver although I will quickly by and the date loomed ominously and terrifyingly closer and closer. maintain my “AZ” endorsement and stay on as a part time driver when and if I never planned to live this long so other than small pensions and what you I’m needed as I’ve always loved driving trucks and it has been a good life get from the Government, I was as ready to face my Golden Years as I and a good living and has been a wealth of experience and I’ve made many long and lasting friendships over the years and I will miss it. would be ready to step in the Octagon with any of the current MMAstars.

I certainly didn’t feel old and useless and with my knee on the mend could So instead of slowing down and settling into a nice relaxed pace like most of my friends when they’ve reached this juncture in life, I find myself shifting even move pretty well again.

Over the years I managed to survive a heart attack and a stroke and in doing into another gear and heading down a new road. so I made some changes to my lifestyle, diet and so on and am still ready to Why just have a life, if you can have an adventure?

Rock and Roll, to a lesser degree than in days gone by perhaps, but still See you out there. ready willing and able to get it done.

My terse response to those who would smile as ask when I was going to retire was invariably; “When they put the fucking pennies on my eyes!”

To make a long story short, retirement wasn`t in my plans whatsoever!

CLEARANCE SALE! 20-30% OFF STOREWIDE Then there was the Mag which I love and have been thrilled to have been involved with and while it has been extremely satisfying to me personally, RIDING GEAR SUPERSTORE GREAT SAVINGS it didn’t offer much in the way of financial benefits, JOE ROCKET, SPEED & STRENGTH. TEKNIC, TOUR MASTER in fact being a volunteer, it was more of a drain on Motorcycle Jackets, Pants, Gloves, Helmets, Rain Suits my finances than a benefit as I travel on my own NELSON RIGGS, TALISMAN MOTORCYCLE LUGGAGE TANK BIBS, SADDLEBAGS, TOOLBAGS time and my own dime, as do all our volunteer HARLEY-DAVIDSON, BATES, BOULET, contributors.

ROADIRON, MARTINO BOOTS My ability to carry on with this in retirement and on a limited income was now in question as well.

Riding Goggles, Glasses Patches, Stickers, Biker Pins Then I find out that we are no longer being kicked Large Selection of T-Shirts & Hoodies and much more to the curb at 65 and as long as we can do the job Visit us Online www.leatherking.ca we would be able to stay on into our early 70`s.

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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Ones MC, Audie Van Draken passed away but was unable to attend his funeral. I offer condolences to his Brothers, friends and family. RIP. I would like to extend my condolences to the family, friends and members of the Loners MC on the loss of South Simcoe President, Gel Pad Inserts, Chris Demos. He was a Pans ~ Shaping hell of a guy and will be Air Horns, missed! L&R, RIP. Engraving ~ Studs Top Pads, I did get out to the Aces and Eights corn roast and Over 20 yrs of Award Winning Custom Bike Seats was treated to their fine hospitality and met many great people and enjoyed some of the fine food 905-735-7216 that was being turned out on their huge barbecue and yes, they did have cold 50 for me and were www.triplekupholstery.com only too happy to dust off the cans and set them down in front of me.

That being said I’ll bring you up to speed on some of the stuff that’s been It is a great house and always a pleasure to go there. happening in Critter Country.

The Critter Crew discount cards are developing well and are still a work in They do this event in support of victims of cancer Coast to Coast. progress as we are adding more merchants and services all the time and They had huge posters with pictures of victims, along with stories of how they will soon be listed on the website. We have just signed a couple of hotel this dreaded disease has affected their lives and how they are coping, and motels that will offer from 10 to 20% off of rooms for card holders and posted all around the property to give a face to some of the people that they Big Foot bar in Newmarket who will accept the cards for a 15% discount and are trying to help and giving it a personal touch rather than just dollars for cause. the Loretto Inn is on board as well is accepting them for discounts off food, some charity that has become more of a business than an actual st so hang in there.

The Aces and Eights are serious about this event and do a 1 class job and My Show and Shines have done extremely well and I’ve lucked out big time they have the support of many clubs and riders from all over the Province and they were out to show that support on this day. with the weather.

They had an amazing ice sculpture of The Aces and Eights patch that all lit I will write about them in depth in specific articles.

I’ve been out and about trying to fit in as many events as I can into my hectic and was a real touch of class that you’d expect from classy people. schedule especially trying to get things set up for the transition with the Mag. I couldn`t stay late enough to hear the band play but from all reports they Some of these events may not make the pages of the Mag but pictures will were fantastic!

Keep up the good work guys and ladies. be on my website at crittercountry.ca.

I got word that an old friend from the days I hung around with The Wild I got out to party with the Paradice Riders MC to support a couple of their brothers who were going through some tough times.

It is always a treat to get out to their house as well. has been stated here many times we have to give priority 2235 Industrial st. As to advertised events as they are who keeps the Mag alive, but there are certain events that I like to attend just to keep my spirit alive and I do my best to at least drop in.

This one Saturday I found myself free of official assignments and checked my notes for what else was going on.

The Renegades Party out in Newcastle was on the list right off as those guys know how to party.

There was one Club that has invited me out to their WINTER SPECIALS events for the past several years but due to conflicting WINTER STORAGE schedules has thus far been, unable to make it. ! Harley-Davidson Specialists It was my intention to stop in at that event for a while and Oil/Filter/Service Included swing on out to Newcastle, but it was not to be. ! All Makes - All Models ½ PRICE LABOUR – only $40./hr I then had been given the flyer with the date and time, while (Winter stored bikes only) attending another event earlier that month but there was ! Service TIRES – from $500. Set no address. told the prospect who gave it to me and extended the ! Parts & Accessories PAINT & CUSTOM WORK Specials Iinvitation on behalf of the Club that I would need an ENGINE REBUILDS address and if I could fit it in I would certainly try to make ! Sales it.

BE ALL READY FOR THE SPRING RIDING SEASON He said he would e mail me the information. ! Consignment Sales 905-637-2467 That never happened. I tried to find out but don`t have a lot of time to dig for info on something that should have come as promised.

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www.stoneycreekchoppers.ca THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 24

Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) All I knew was that it was in Toronto`s West end somewhere in the Rogers Rd. area and I was not about to ride around in search of a party.

I used to have contact info for some of the members of the MC, but when my Blackberry fried on me a couple of months back (No I hadn`t done the frequent back-ups that I was advised to do!) I lost tons of stuff that I still have not been able to replace.

So I went on out to the Renegades accompanied by my good friend Dangerous Doug on his beloved old Panhead to the amazing Docville Western Town, in Newcastle, Ont. This is a complete town that looks like it was transported right from the old west. It is fantastic place that was built by and is owned and operated by another good friend, Doc Holliday who rents it out as a move set and for parties such as this. This weekend, he was playing host once again, to another group of old friends the Renegades MC. and all of their friends and supporters at their annual party.

There was certainly a lot to see and do here as they have their Show and Shine and field meet games along with bands like Zed Head to keep all their guests entertained.

We had a ball.

They had some cold 50 brought in special for me (Godzilla says that you people are spoiling me and should stop...don`t listen to her.) the food was awesome and the day flew by.

I hung into the early evening before heading home and apparently missed the visit from the Police helicopter that swooped in and hovered just above the trees to take pictures of the festivities and were subsequently mooned by several of the attendees.

So the Renegades can also add impromptu Airshow to the list of attractions at their event.

Great party!

Thanks for everything. See you next year.

I also got word that The Outlaws MC were holding a benefit party for Rodger, one of their members who was involved in a nasty accident with a car and his motorcycle several weeks ago and suffered numerous serious

injuries, at their South Simcoe CH. Roger is recovering from his aches, breaks, cuts, contusions and a whole whack of other stuff and doing quite well and considering the extent of said aches and breaks, sprains and pains and such, is in great spirits and has a great attitude that can be attributed not only to his own great spirit and heart but also to the love, support and encouragement given him by his devoted and courageous wife and partner Karen who is suffering right along with him and maybe even more because she bears the burden of looking after him on top of everything else!

Then he has the additional support of his Club Brothers and all of his friends who have been there for him since the accident.

Rodger being a good friend, I could not possibly not attend, so Big Murph, his beautiful wife, Barbarella, myself and Bernie who was our designated driver headed over to the CH for a great night to raise some much need money that should take a bit of the strain off the family while he recovers.

To our amazement Roger (Who had just been released from the Hospital that morning) appeared at the party in a wheelchair for a brief visit.

It was a great night out with some great friends and it was great to see Rodger doing so well.

There was a raffle that never ended as each winner starting from Big Murph refused the prize and they re-raffled it again, and that was the way it went at by the time we left it had been raffled off two more times.

Rodger, you and Karen keep doing what you’re doing because it seems to be working. Take care and if there is anything I can do to help, call.

For an online library of this and other columns and cartoons along with an archive of pictures from events covered by Critter check out www.rickdavis.ca.

YEAH I’M TO FUCKIN LAZY TO PICK UP THE RIDERS MAG MAIL ME A YEARS WORTH FOR THE COST OF POSTAGE CANADA: $27.00 CDN, U.S.A.: $30.OO U.S.D. INTERNATIONAL: $60.00 CDN

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Biker Church

Piglet Owner: Gazoo City: Kawartha Lakes, ON General Year & Make: 1967 Model: Ironhead XLCH Assembly by: Various Parties Value: $20,000 Engine Year: 1967 Model: Ironhead XLCH Builder: H-D Displacement: 54 C.I. Lower end: H-D Pistons: H-D .020 over Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: H-D bored .020 over Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: Andrews Lifters: Jims Ignition: Joe Hunt Manual Advance Magneto Coils/Wires: 7mm Copper Carb: Keihin Air Cleaner: K & N Foam Element & Powder Coated screamin Eagle Dog Bowl Pipes: Cycle Shack reproductions Transmission Year: 1967 Type: 4 Speed Shifting: right foot Clutch: H-D Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Blue and White Painter: Claybow Autobody Type:Ford Special Paint: Custom White Flamed Bar and Shield Logos Frame Builder: H-D Year: 1967 Type: XL Rake: H-D Stretch: None Swing Arm: Trike Conversrion

Rear Suspension: 4 coil over spring shocks Accessories Handlebars: H-D Risers: H-D Ignition Switch: On Magneto body Controls: H-D XLCH Starter: Kick Only, Owners Leg Seat: Stock 2 person white Signals: H-D Windshield: H-D Compact w/ pewter skulls Tailight: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Gas Tank: Porkster 4.3 gal.

Front Pegs: Stock H-D Rear Pegs: Gold Wing Boards Foot Controls: Right Shift, left brake Electrics: Aftermarket Wiring Harness Grips: H-D Mirrors: Skull & Bones round Signals: Owners Left Arm Headlight: 5-3/4” Compact Halogen Speedometer: Schwinn Cycle Computer Primary Cover: Chrome Front End Type: XLCH Year: 1967 Builder: H-D Extension: None Wheels Front Size: 19” Type: Laced Tire: Avon Speedmaster MK2 Brake: H-D Drum Fender: Stock Repro Toolbag: Leather Rear Rear End:2010 American Trike Conversion Size: 16” Fierce w/40mm offset Type: Chrome Cast Tire: Dunlop Brakes: Wildwood 4 piston Caliper w/GMA Master Fenders: Fiberglass Model: Nikki

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RTG FACTOR I was standing in a line at a store just the other day when the woman ahead turned to the woman behind and said “How is life treating you” She started describing her day and I instantly thought all she was saying was negative thoughts, how bad her life was treating her, her bike was running on E, probably her tire will go flat by the way her day was going. I thought why are bikers so negative, what an idea for this month's article.

Do you ever stand amongst a crowd of bikers, you do not have to listen to hard to hear how bad life is treating everyone, they’re just existing. Life should not be this way. Don’t get me wrong life not be this way But, how good or how bad your life is has everything to do with the PR FACTOR. I like it a new phrase, the idea has been around for a long period, in fact if you read on you will see it has made effect on other lives to those who applied this principle. What is The PR Factor? I am glad you asked. It's how you Perceive and React. In other words, life is good or bad depending on how you perceive challenges and how you react to them.

What if the way you have been looking at your circumstances isn’t correct?

What if you being distracted and not seeing the greater truth. When you are going through a challenge, if the prospective is right your reaction is right.

If we turned back the clock to time of David & Goliath (if you are in your late 40’s upwards you would remember from your school days this story)When Israel seen Goliath they perceived him as being "to big to kill” and reacted in fear. But when David seen him, he perceived, “he’s too big to miss” and he reacted in faith and confidence that the MAN would enable him to defeat him. When Apostle Paul faced his challenges, he perceived them as a “light affliction which is but for a moment. Now that’s how we need to be today. You might be thinking. “But how did Paul get to a place where he could go through beatings, imprisonment, shipwrecked and more yet call it a “light affliction”. I would say he spent a lot of time with the MAN (God). I once heard someone say “Life should come with a warning label – DO NOT ATTEMPT BY YOURSELF” I think that really is why so many people are living unhappy lives – they’re attempting to do it themselves.

Solomon, one of the wisest men who ever lived tells us: Trust God from the bottom of your heart, don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for His voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one that will keep you on track; don’t assume you know it all. It took me over 40 years before I realized God is smarter than me. Are you tired, Worn out, Strung out. You need to find the MAN and recover your life, we need to face our challenges. It's not about how many times you go a church or how many good deeds you do, we need to face life and spend time with HIM I can tell you that my life changed when I decided to face my challenges and talk to the MAN. He not only changed my perspective but my reaction also and he can do that for you. Refuse to allow the negative things that are happening around you, distract you. Keep your eyes on Him and stay in fellowship with HIM. Allow Him to form your perspective and empower your response.

Pastor Dave

For Your Personal Needs:

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The Ottawa Valley Motorcycle & Tattoo Show

by Beau

There is an expression that says from little things, big things grow and in the case of the Ottawa Valley Motorcycle & Tattoo Show in Petawawa Ontario, that is exactly what happened. Last year the 1st annual OVMTS was just a one day event held inside the Petawawa Civic Center and had a few vendors and food booths outside but now in its second year the show has not only grown from one day to three, it has also greatly expanded its venue to include a large part of the surrounding grounds of the Civic Center so that the Valley Motorcycle Show can add some new items to their shows list of events.

Some of those activities that took place over the weekend included things as Mud Drags, where a huge hole was dug out on the ‘back forty’ of the grounds and then turned into a large monster pit of deep mud where challengers could take their bikes or trucks and take a shot at trying to make it through the quagmire. Show promoter, Kerry Anderson informed us later that well over a thousand people turned out to watch about 12 bikes and 15 trucks participate in trying to defeat that monster mud pit. Other events included a large hot rod show, a truck show and of special interest to us, a motorcycle stunt team called Stunt.Ca, who are a three man team from Montreal. They wowed onlookers with their incredible display of motorcycle acrobatics and tricks making Stunt.Ca definitely a crowd pleaser and you could see one or more young motorcycle riders walking away after the performance contemplating whether they should give one of those stunts a try when they got home. Personally over the decades of driving motorcycle I have found myself doing some acrobatics very similar to what Stunt.Ca only I did them by accident while trying to avoid being taken out by some damn car driver who wasn’t paying attention to the fact there were motorcycles on the road.

One of the obvious changes to the outside of the arena was the construction of large stage to handle a line up of bands and individual performers who were slated to entertain the show goers over the three days. After getting settled in to our spot inside the arena thanks to the assistance of the James, son of the show’s promoter and everything was set up. We did our proverbial ‘once around’ just to see who was back from last year and to get a quick peek at who was new. A number of the 14 tattooists that took part in the show last year had returned and along with them were about 20 new ones and several tattoo/piercing supply businesses. Pretty amazing when you consider that the City of Ottawa has a population of about 812,000 people and is less than two hours drive away has doesn’t have a tattoo show and Petawawa which has about 16,000 people now does, thanks to the Ottawa Valley Motorcycle/Tattoo Show. Local tattoo businesses such as Wizard’s Den, Dog House Tattoos Jeff’s Art and Four Kings and of course Ms.Lisa along with other tattoo shops like Motorcity from Oshawa, Bad Kitty from Gatineau Que, Tatz & Co. from Hamilton and a piercing outfit with a great name, Jenni One-Punch, all these were set up to work right there on the spot and create works of art on members of the public. Some of the other vendors that came to participate were some friends of ours from Hamilton, Angels N Demons Motorgear who brought

with them their lines of custom shirts & HD patches and other biker gear and from “La Belle Ville” Montreal there was The Great Spirit Jewelry Company manned by its owner Alain who had brought with him one of the largest selections of stainless steel biker jewelry that we have seen and for both vendors this was their first time in Petawawa. Just down the way was the Xalt magazine booth, a magazine dedicated to those who are fans of tattoos, piercings and body modifications and we had the opportunity to introduce ourselves to the magazine’s publisher and head of circulation, April & Danieca. These lovely ladies had come all the way down from Collingwood to participate in the OVMTS and throughout the show we had lots of fun kidding around with the both of them. Adjacent to their booth was Project Warhorse, a charity raffle created by a member of our military designed to provide help to Canadian military personnel who were casualties in Afghanistan whether physical or psychological. Project Warhorse had commissioned a chopper built by builder, Mike Brown who is the owner of Amen Motorcycles and for about the price of a case of beer ticket buyers had a chance to win this custom built bike when the drawing was to take place on August 8th. The Riders Mag and it’s members have always been strong supporters of Canada’s Military and proudly post right on our front cover “We Support The Troops” but it is not until you are in a place like Petawawa where you get to really meet many of these great men & women and tell them how much their sacrifice means.

Down in the corner opposite of where we were situated was Diablo Designs, a local business owned by Doug Quinn, who specializes in modifications on bikes, frames etc, who over the course of the show we got to know and along with Doug, was Wayne Leblanc, a custom seat builder. For over four decades I have personally worked with leather so it was great to meet someone starting out and who had chosen one of the hardest fields of leather work there is, custom seat building. Wayne not only is buildings seats but also does custom carving and tooling on seats as well so it was great to take some time out every so often and pass on a few tricks of the

THE BROTHERS OF THE BLADE, MC WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS OUR APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED US AND OUR WORK SUPPORTING W.I.S.H. AND THE DEVELOPMENTALLY HANDICAPPED. “YOUR EFFORTS ARE APPRECIATED”

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The Ottawa Valley Motorcycle Tattoo Show

by Beau

trade that I was lucky enough to have passed on to me years ago. Right next to Diablo Designs was Caliber Cycles, and in that booth are two good friends of ours, Dave aka Drifty and Kenny Froats, both long time hard core fans of Shovelheads and along with all the swap that they brought up for the show they also brought an great line of enameled tins HD and Indian signs that they carry in their shop.

Over the weekend the tattoo booths were busy and drew a lot of spectators to watch as people were inked and one really big hit with just about everyone at the show was the Toronto/Ottawa Body Painting booth where many people both young and old had art airbrushed on them. Young ladies getting painted seemed to be popular and whenever one was getting airbrushed it was nearly impossible to get near to have a look while the artists created temporary art on skin using non-toxic body paint. Some people had artwork done on arms, legs and faces but I would be lying if I didn’t say that the really big hit were the full or near full body paintings. At one point I remember a couple who stopped by our booth earlier in the day and the woman was wearing a bright summer top but later on in the show they came by again and I thought she had changed tops but discovered she had no top on at all but had been body-painted from shoulders to waist and I would be lying to you if I didn’t mention how attractive it looked and the artwork was great too!

We had a number of friends drop by to see us who traveled up to Petawawa

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for the show like Mark Cooper aka Squid, president of the Ottawa chapter of the Falcons, a riding club made up mostly made up of retired or active members of Canada’s military and we have posted pics of Falcon members at various military memorials that they attend in past issues of the Mag. Because Petawawa is home to Camp Petawawa there are a number of military bike clubs in the area and various patches were present all through the show. Bike clubs like the Veterans, the Shell Shock Veterans and the 1st Cav, the Falcons, and along with several more. . We were also visited by members of The Celtic Brotherhood, a group who came together to support various charitable causes from brain-injury awareness to dog rescues and to help in the creation of motorcycle cruise nights in various communities to encourage bikers to come together and get to know each other. Many of them came up along with their “lovely” ladies to help out at the Motorcyco Beau’s booth and to hand out copies of The Riders Mag and I cannot thank them enough for their assistance during the show and after but then that is what Brothers are for. One other “special” friend who was at the show and it was great to see him again was Tommy Garavellos, who helped Kerry out with the show. Tommy had some ink work done on him during the show and he is one hell of a guy. I look forward to seeing Tommy over the winter at some of the other shows.

The show attracted people from as far away as Montreal, Hamilton, Peterborough, Collingwood North Bay and Timmins as well as the Ottawa valley and even down to the Cornwall – Morrisburg area which when said and done is pretty impressive for a show based in a valley town of 16,000 people and the people of Petawawa are to be congratulated for their

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kindness and the friendly manner that they welcomed visitors to their town because all throughout the show visitors kept commenting on how friendly the people and the local businesses had been to them. The only complaint that we heard and we agreed is that the restaurants in the town close way too early for visitors. Hopefully one day that will change because it was a drag to have to drive to Pembroke to have a meal with friends.

A major component of the show was music and there was no shortage of bands to entertain the public and some of the bands playing were a couple of tribute bands, one called Great Scott, who were belted out AC/DC and another was Triple X, a ZZ Top tribute band and both of them were definitely crowd favorites. There was also a Metallica tribute band called Misery, a band from Montreal called that punched out southern rock and had feet stomping and several other groups that capped off the weekend along with the assistance of 106.9 The Bear & Star 96 fm radio.

The Bike component of the show this year was less than what many people had hoped for but Kerry took on a big task in turning a one day show into to three and he certainly provided a lot of items to entertain the public but a number of bikers were disappointed that the swap meet which the show had last year was not prominent this year and people had hoped to see an even larger show and shine outdoors this year. Hey! This is only the second year for this show and I am sure that there will be much larger bike component next year after all Rome wasn’t built in a day.

One of the main features of the OVMTS was the door prizes of a Harley Davidson & a Kawasaki motorcycle which took place towards the end of the show and the winning tickets were drawn by Petawawa’s Mayor Bob Sweet, who I might add went throughout the show and introduced himself to the vendors, trust me you don’t get many mayors who take the time out to greet visitors to their towns when they are in the world of motorcycles and tattoos.

Our compliments and thanks to Mayor Sweets.

The Harley Davidson was won by Jon Richards, from Pembroke and not only a member of the military but his wife is presently deployed in Afghanistan. Congratulations! Jon! The Kawasaki was won by Tyler Deshane of Cornwall. Tyler is 12 year old definitely a future biker in the making.

A particular bonus for us at the end of the show was the appearance of our cousin, Gerry who lives up in Deep River and is a renowned wood carver and is known as the Cane-carver Guy! His visit really topped off a great weekend.

All and all the 2nd Annual Ottawa Valley Motorcycle & Tattoo Show was a success with the public and many of the new additions that were added to the event were well received and next year’s show should be even better. I was informed that show attendance was over 5000 people and that is not calculating the people who had weekend passes and attended the show on multiple occasions. The weather could not have been better and as I mentioned earlier the people of Petawawa were incredibly hospitable.

A good time was had by all and we certainly look forward to the 3rd Annual Ottawa Valley Motorcycle & Tattoo Show. To all our friends, old & new, to all the great bikers and military personnel we met, to all the ink slingers who participated in the show, the Petawawa Civic Center & the town of Petawawa and of course the show’s creator, Kerry Anderson ..Thanks!

“Motorcyco”

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Kitchener Harley-Davidson 2nd annual Endless Summer Party

by Manon Kellman 8 a.m. raining and cold. Today is Kitchener’s street party and the bike is out of question so far. 12:00, still raining - mini van it is.

I arrived at 12:30 p.m. and already people were sitting under the tent eating BBQ pork sandwiches and drinking beer or pop (unfortunately no wine for the ladies…next year??). By the time 1:30 p.m. came around, the sun was starting to show itself and the temperature was much warmer. What a relief it was for everyone that had put so much effort in making this event one to remember: beer tent, food, band and face painting for the kids and the not so young.

Motorcycles started arriving and the party was on. All started with a very good singer, Smokin' Dave from London, Ontario, who got us in the mood for the following band “One Bald Tire”, what a great band they were. This band also featured one of Kitchener’s employee as guitar player and entertained us for over 2 hours.

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We then had the pleasure of meeting Nicole and Gordon Piluk, the lucky winners of the 2012 Harley-Davidson Sportster Iron 883 graciously donated by Kitchener Harley-Davidson during the Freedom Ride to End MS the previous week.

Many kids enjoyed the face painting ranging from flowers to the living dead, while their parents enjoyed the sale in the store or just walking around meeting old and new friends.

The event finished at 6:00 p.m. for most, but not for our little group…We ended up having diner at Swiss Chalet – what a relief, my first glass of wine of the day, WalMart for a pair of much needed comfortable shoes for our friend Kelly and then the liquor store for the party that was still going on at another of our friends house. At 10:00 p.m. we are on the road

Kitchener Harley-Davidson 2nd annual Endless Summer Party

by Manon Kellman Davidson f o r providing me with one of their motorcycle for more t h a n 5 weeks and for letting me put a little over 6,500 km on it; and thanks to all t h e employees that worked on the bike and that did not loose too much of t h e i r patience with my m a n y request for updates. I really do not know many dealers that would lend you a bike for such a long period of time without charging you for it!

G r e a t customer service and hopefully o n e d a y, HarleyDavidson parts will be again, this time to the Edelweiss Tavern in Kitchener where “One Bald Tire” was playing for the evening, we just could not get enough of them! The event was true to its name: An Endless Summer Party and an Endless PARTY day!

As many of you know, I was without my bike for a complete engine rebuild for 9 weeks. It was a long wait, with many obstacles on our path mainly beyond our control...but Scorpio his back on his wheels for another 160,000 km. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mike from Kitchener-Harley

easier to get.

Don’t miss out on next year’s Summer Party - great deals, good food and great people. Be sure to visit them all year long, they have the largest collection of women and men riding clothes/boots in store, garage parties for men and women, and so much more! Here is their website to see what's new and what’s h a p p e n i n g : www.kitchenerharley. com Manon

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BOTB – Daybreak 2012

By Ollie In a world filled with negative news these days, a sunny afternoon spent with the Brothers Of The Blade at their Daybreak event will put it all back in perspective for you.

For twelve years now the BTOB have held a day of fun, games, awards and barbeque in support of L’Arche Daybreak - caregivers known worldwide for their work with children and adults who face the challenges of emotional and physical disabilities each and every day. For them the news stays the same.

I’ve known the Blade’s for years and always admired their commitment to brotherhood, riding and the position they take in a biker community that at times can be volatile. Theirs is a “live and let live” mentality with the focus landing squarely on the foundation of true brotherhood, love and support for each other as well as those who need it most.

I was always aware of their annual “Penny Run” in support of developmentally challenged children and adult in the Manitoulin Islands, a

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cause near a n d dear to Bruce, t h e clubs presid ent.

Howev e r, a yearly commi tment that I h a d always fell on t h e same weekend of the run and prevented me from attending. So when Bruce invited me to the 12th annual DayBreaker’s event this year, and my calendar was clear, I jumped at the chance.

I woke up, polished up my bike and rode under a warm clear sky to the BTOB clubhouse. Both my mind and expectation were a clean slate heading there, not knowing what to expect but happy that I could finally attend and witness first hand the BTOB’s commitment to those people less fortunate than us all. I would not be disappointed and what I saw was inspiring and a day I will not soon forget.

Prior to my arrival and throughout the day “Bird Man” had brought along his Hawk, whom he had trained from birth for the Daybreakers to see up close and personal.

I did speak with Bird Man at length later on and was really impressed with his knowledge and commitment to the training and management of such a beautiful creature.

He said in particular; “you don’t want to completely imprint yourself on these birds”. He explained that if you do you are robbing them of their natural instincts and ability to function as the creature it was meant to be. There is a “balance” you want to achieve between man and bird, which allows them to live within the scope of their “natural being” but with just enough “love and assistance” from man to enhance that life.

When I pulled in and parked at the BTOB clubhouse I was warmly greeted by Bruce.

“These kids look more forward to this than Christmas” and for a

298 Colborne St.

BOTB – Daybreak 2012

By Ollie brief moment I found myself being just a tad skeptical of his remarks. I mean really? What tops Christmas for kids’ right? However, watching the days events unfold I was a firm believer in Bruce’s statement by the time I left.

For more than an hour bike after bike lined up and gingerly placed – the sometimes very fragile minds and bodies – of the Daybreaker’s on Harleys for a ride around the well-groomed lands of the clubhouse.

Individual photos were taken and printed out on the spot by brother Mouse and given to each and every rider. One young enthusiast, Darrell, really caught my attention and as I got closer I overheard a BTOB brother Gary ask him “is this your first ride” to which he quickly responded “yep”. The laughter ignited between us all as we knew that this was his fifth or sixth ride at least.

With the bikes safely parked, and the lawn full of beaming smiles, the fun didn’t miss a beat and the games began.

First up was the “Egg race” the Daybreaker version of this saw two daybreaker’s race to a brother, get an egg and race back to place the egg as carefully as they could onto a spoon in the mouth of a BTOB rider who would then race across the finish line.

Next up the weenie race were a forty something emotionally challenged man from Daybreakers would be, hands down, the world champion in this event if the rules applied to his particular technique.

As the driver carefully positioned him under the hanging wiener, he simply reached up, pulled the string attached the hotdog down and ate it all. The logic was pure and simple and brought roars of laughter from everyone and to those of us who noticed the expression on his face when he heard the crowd, it was like; “so what’s the big deal with that? That was easy”.

The games culminated with the clear favorite between the Daybreaker’s, the “potato game”.Afew potatoes are hidden in the cleanest bale of hay I’ve ever seen, and frantically found. By the process of elimination the game ends when you’re down to a single potato and the winner holding it in the air with same pride and intensity of any Super Bowl trophy I’ve seen being hoisted by the victor.

For me the highlight of the day was the award ceremony. The BTOB had generously made trophies for each winner and it was here that you saw the pride of personal achievement on the faces and in the acceptant speeches of the winners.

One young winner, Amanda, summed it all up beautifully when she took the microphone and said; “I want you to know I love you all very, very much”.

Suffice to say there was more than one moist eye in the house, including my own.

All guest were then treated to a great barbeque with all the trimmings – all of which were donated free of charge by Derek and Jaye, (friends of the club) to everyone there.

It was time to leave too soon and as I rode down the highway to meet some friends, I began to unravel all that I had seen and waxed philosophical on the

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day’s events.

The genuine joy I had seen in the eyes of everyone involved left a lasting impression on me and whittled away some of the tainted emotions today’s world lacquers on your heart.

It felt like it could breath again with the simple blessing of love and understanding for those less fortunate than we are.

The images of the Daybreakers gently placing the egg on the spoon in the mouth of their rider so he could win the race played back in my mind.

Or the simple, direct approach of the older Daybreaker grabbing the hotdog off the string and eating it with his “so what’s the deal here” expression on his face after doing it.

(Happy to report he won the race and received the trophy after the judges accepted his technique.)

But it was Birdman’s explanation of his relationship with birds that kept coming back to me as I rode.

Everyone, (the reason they are at this event) is because we all shared a common empathy and love for those among us that are faced with the emotional and physical challenges we are lucky enough not to have. The challenges they have to face each and every day of their lives.

In short, it sucks, plain and simple, that they are faced with this reality day in and day out. There is no cure for them. There are no medications, no surgeries…nothing that can reverse what they face now and for the rest of their lives.

Luckily there are those among us - like the care givers at DayBreakers and the Brothers of the Blade - who go to great lengths to strike that “balance” between what creation gave them and what the more privileged have to offer them.

When groups of well meaning brothers and sisters who ride motorcycles have – set aside one day a year – to give them their “imprint” of joy and true happiness into their lives and to receive it in return.

So Bruce was indeed correct, they do love this event more than Christmas, because here, Santa is very, very real.

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DANNI’S TIMES we challenge ourselves each time to make it bigger and better...Our Volunteer participants come from many different groups. Lady Riders from all over this province and other provinces as well. We make sure we do great photo’s each season. First priority though is having fun doing different things ..

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song..

It’s here, slowly creeping in...I mean slowly because there are still some great days left to ride.

I am looking for that week, we have been promised..Indian summer..if someone gets a glimpse of it , would you email me..I want in on it..

Thanksgiving was cold..but still managed to get out there and ride up north..I got to see so many riders up in Port Perry, you are never lonely if you know the places to go..Now, especially because you need that great hot stuff to drink to keep you warm..This hide-a way has always a friendly face..great conversations...and some-one to share stories with..

Get by with a little help from my friends..Joe Cocker What would you do if I sang out of tune?

We ladies, do a calendar each season raising money for our charity..and Are you or your club looking at an effective way to show your support to our troops?

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund might be the answer.

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund supports Canadian service members who are wounded during operations.

From the outset of the healing process, we hope to improve the general morale and welfare of the soldiers and their families.

This season it was really exciting as we got to fly in Vintage Airplanes..The feeling is so much like a motorcycle..it’s a rush...then turning the plane is like you are in a turn..The feeling of being up so high is just invigorating..Looking down was strange but you got used to it..everything was so small..I actually noticed a motorcycle in a driveway and it looked like a toy..I would like to have all these toys...Our flight was towards Peterborough and its surrounding counties..In one turn we saw Toronto..but then it was gone..It was raining on the ground but we were above it..

My ride was early enough..when the colors were just starting and the view from the skies just made the colors justice...The owners of these planes are motorcycle riders and this is where their riding has taken them..up, up and away..They invited us to be a part of their hobby and we enjoyed..every moment....

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends This season has been different..many of us riders are challenging ourselves not to be repeating the same thing..You have your favorite runs..and events but there must be something different out there..Fortunate enough to take an adventure into Quebec..because noone spoke of it..I wanted to see it..researched it and found it...

I know there is lots to see especially in this great province of ours. Everyone has been somewhere so different and I believe it’s time to share this news..I have been to Paris and it was hard to believe you were in Paris and got to be home for dinner..I mean, Paris, Ontario...You see, I would like for you to come to our booth in January and bring us names of places to see and things to do. Here in this great province of ours..There are many of us becoming adventurous enough to have a trip that is off the beaten track..what I mean by this..is I guarantee you have seen something or went to an event you could share with the rest of us..Please take the time to find us at the January show and give us that info..we will share it...

Mm, I ride with a little help from my friends..

I did notice one thing...I went one evening to go to a ride nite out here in the east and where were you listed? Again dropping into Port Perry, and met a lot of people sharing the same experience as our group..How do we know where to go..When I get home from work..Don’t have time to check the computer...If it was advertised it would be hanging in my garage..There needs to be a remedy..if you want people to attend...please advertise it..The only way to have added riders..

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

How can you help?

Send a donation, Have a club charity event, Pass the word to other riders Send donations or correspondence to:

The Sapper Mike McTeague Wounded Warrior Fund For more information email: info@woundedwarriors.ca or Check out the website:

www.woundedwarriors.ca

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I came across a great event on the 19th of October here in Toronto.....I believe there are not enough things done for the Soldiers but I do know of one person who has been out there for years...Captain Wayne Johnson of The Wounded Warriors Fund..When I hear this name..I smile..because he is a stellar gentleman who works so hard...has worked hours upon hours raising money for a cause that is real close to a lot of our hearts..I would appreciate..whenever you see him..to shake his hand.. I consider him a hero, because he cares and shows it.....

The LCBO, in conjunction with Waddington’s Auction House, will sell the record-breaking Scotch Whiskey to the highest bidder on October 19th at Trump International Hotel & Tower.

Glenfiddich will donate all proceeds from the bottle to WoundedWarriors.ca

DANNI’S TIMES We are talking a 55 -year-old bottle of scotch from the Glenfiddich Janet Sheed Roberts Reserve...here’s to this great event..I am really hoping there is lots of money raised..Awesome cause...

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends..

I have another issue here in the City of Toronto..E-Bikes...I am quite concerned about their abundance....I am talking of the ones that resemble the Vespa..These machines are on the roads where I live..I encounter daily, one of these machines on the road..the speed capacity is 35 Km/hr.

Now I will paint the picture here...One road I take is 70 Km and you are cruising along..and here’s this Scooter...sometimes he is close to the curb...then a fraction of a second he moves over to the white line..Cars do not want to pass..maybe they are unsure of what this machine is really doing on a 70 Km road...

Mm, I ride with a little help from my friends...

I believe all have their space but not on a road that the flow of traffic is at 65 to 70 Km...

Cars will hoot their horns..he waves back...some will talk the plunge and pass him..while myself..I look for another way real fast to make this scene not a part of my afternoon routine...

The law says the rider..needs a license, be at least 16 years old...and since 2009 all e-bikes are allowed on the roads..that conventional bicycles use...They can use our roads..for safety reasons..I really believe traveling on roads that have 70Km is really not the right venue..The Rider should ride like a bicycle but how do you monitor it...And today coming home..I saw him and immediately was able to escape..I could see him waving..not for me...

How do I feel at the end of the day.?.

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Well this is the last for 2012..I would like to wish all a very Healthy Happy Season...I hope that Santa delivers some new motorcycles to your garage in December..puts chrome in your stockings..and we hear loud pipes ringing season songs...

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song...

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends...

Here’s to riding till December...

Ride Safe DANNI

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Page 35

JOKE PAGE PLATINGMASTER

Chrome Plating Specialists Platingmaster(1978)Limited

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Mel Harris Jr. ph.(519) 433-3423 Fax.(519) 433-3595

1,Hamilton Road,London, Ont. N6B-1M9 44. Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. Give her compliments frequently 46. Love shopping 47. Be honest 48. Be very rich 49. Never stress her 50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

The Rider’s Mag P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Rick Davis, Danni, Scarry Larry, Manon Kellman, Beau Rooney, Ollie.

Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”

THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 36

53. Give her lots of space VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * her favorite color * her favorite flower * her favorite gem * her favorite fragrance * her favorite memories * her favorite holidays * her favorite friends * her favorite vacation destinations * her favorite beverage * her favorite food * her favorite restaurant * any arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY Leave him alone!

Two Trees and a Woodpecker It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, " Mom , how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

And God promised men, that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round....and laughed and laughed and laughed...

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?" Murphy

JOKE PAGE slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,' How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .‘Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . ‘So how's your breakfast this morning?' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'

Bob replied... I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.... It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read... 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said ‘Sorry... had to mow the lawn?'

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said... I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard... 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was... ‘I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener...'

Baby's First Doctor Visit A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied... 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight.

You don't have any milk.' ‘I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.'

authenticltd@rogers.com / www.authenticltd.com years and everyone still calls him Your Honour! There's a dentist here, 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor! Me? I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me The Fucking Arab."“Turtle”

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry!

Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's gota hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started

An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather, Abdullah, in a nursing home. All the local Arab facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian one. After a few weeks, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson. "It's wonderful!

Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said Grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone else." "Oh no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Abdullah said with a big smile. "There's a musician here, he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years but everyone still calls him Maestro! There's a judge over there, he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30

THE RIDER’S MAG

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JOKE PAGE the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.' running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.

After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your Phone: 519-846-0040 Fax: 519-846-0145

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Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!

Mostly Iron Heads

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

! Engine Rebuilding

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF TRIVIA, ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD

BY MILLIONS.* BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY".

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED. ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?!

YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON !"

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clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope..just when it's raining.

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi got together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made

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THE RIDER’S MAG

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were

Page 38

INJURED In A Motorcycle Accident???

CALL DAVID F. SMYE Q.C.

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(905) 525-2341

Call to Arrange Free First Consultation 40 Years of Riding 30 Years of Representing Motorcycle Accident Victims E-Mail: maclaw@mackesysmye.com