The Rider's Mag Feb. 2015 V16-n10

The Magazine for Riders Volume 16 #10

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February 2015

Our Troops!!!

The Rider’s Guide to Ontario and Beyond!!

Over 25,000 Readers and Growing www.theridersmag.com

Table of Contents

Pg. 4 - What’s Skakin’

The Events Keep on Coming.

Pg. 5- Whispers of a Neoteric Nomad

That Northern Guy, Guy Introduces Himself Pg. 7 - Cruising with Critter

The Boss Sure can get Around Pg. 11 - SuperShow 2015

Great Start to another Great Year Pg. 20 - On The Road

JR’s Gearing up for Dover Pg. 21 - Fighting For Your Rights

Is it The Rooster or Double EI Who Knows Pg. 22 - Joke Page

They Just Keep Comin’ Pg. 24 - February Calendar and all thats going on.

www.hipscycle.ca 900 Colborne St. East 519-756-6218 Brantford, Ontario

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Pg. 26 - Shop/Builder Of The Month

Malicious Cycle and Clothing M.T.O. INSPECTION STATION Pg. 27 - The Publisher Speaks Out

Time to get your ISIS Hunting Permits Ready Pg. 28 - Shenanigans with Sherri O’Irish PARTS AVAILABLE FROM ALL SUPPLIERS

A.B.A.T.E. Final Frontier Part Deux Pg. 30 - Do I Look Like I take Stupid Pills?

Donny Petersen Challanges a Tradition.

Pg. 34 - Sticker Stories ALL LICENSED MECHANICS

Sharon’s at the Show and everywhere in Huron Pg. 37 - From the far East………Ontario that is.

Beau Readys Himself for the Ottawa Show.

Pg. 40 - Feature Bike

“Retirement Ride” Pg. 42 - Hello Fellow Inmates

Dangerous Donnie Does the Indoor Circuit 164 Main Street, Pg. 44 - Biker Church Lucan ON N0M 2J0

Pastor Dave Endures another Day.

THE RIDER’S MAG 1111 Davis Drive, Suite 501, Unit 23, Newmarket, ON L3Y 9E5 Phone: (905) 235-5353 Toll Free 1-855-873-6680 Fax: (905) 235-5358 Email: rickdavis@theridersmag.com Website: www.theridersmag.com

Publisher / Editor : Rick Davis

Publisher Emeritus: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor Emeritus: J.B. Ballantine

Managing Editor: ACE Wolske Creative Content Manager: Peppermint Patty Office Manager: Diane Davis

Advertizing and Sales Eastern Ont./Western Que. Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 Southern Ontario Rep: J.R. MacRae 905-631-5890 Southwestern Ontario Rep: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 Contributing Writers Pastor Dave Neals, Danni, Scary Larry, Manon Kellman, Beau Rooney, Jonathan Musson, Al Marentette, Rossaire, Tim Armstrong, Donny Petersen, Bob Laidlaw, Sherri O’Irish, Al Kasza, Dangerous Donnie, Bad Bob, Aaron Hesmer, Sharon Nicolson Contruibuting Cartoonists Critter, Michael MacDonald

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hogtowncycles.ca THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 3

What’s

January Jan.31st-Kitchener Harley Get into the Cold Event

2255 Kingsway Dr. Kitchener, 12 noon – 4pm, Ice Sculptors,Prizes, & Chilli Dogs.

More Info: 519-893-0493 or www.kitchenerharley.com

February Feb 12th- Clare’s Niagara Valentines Day Event

Shakin’

Mar. 13th- Friday the 13th Dover Part II “The Sequel” Mar. 14th- Clare’s 60th Anniversary Celebration Open House

Come on out and help us Celebrate 60 Years of Motorcycles at both Fenwick and Niagara on the Lake for more details check out www.clarescycle.com

590 York Rd. Niagara on the Lake, 5-8pm

Mar. 21st-22nd- 25th Annual Motorcycle Spring Show

Feb 13th- Friday the 13th Dover Feb. 13th-14th-15th- Ottawa International Motorcycle Show

International Centre Toronto, Saturday 10am-9pm, Sunday 10am-5pm, More info at www.motorcyclespringshow.com

April Apr. 8th- Jacox H-D Garage Party

At The EY Centre, 4899 Uplands Dr. Fri. 4pm-9pm, Sat. 9am-9pm & Sun. 9am-5pm

Feb. 14th- Jacox H-D Lunch & Learn “Customization”

2815 Argentia Road, Mississauga. At 1pm Sharp. Please contact Julie Martin, Jacox Harley-Davidson Marketing & Promotions Coordinator at jmartin@jacoxharley.com for more information and reservations

Feb. 22nd- Big Al’s Annual Swap Meet

Dundas Community Centre, 10 Market Street S., Dundas.

10am-3pm Admission only $5 for more info call 905-7467077

March Mar. 1 - Alvinston Motorcycle Swap Meet st

Alvinston Community Centre Complex, 10am-3pm, $5 Admission, Kids under 12 Free

2815 Argentia Road, Mississauga. From 6:30-8:30.

Please contact Julie Martin, Jacox Harley-Davidson Marketing & Promotions Coordinator at jmartin@ jacoxharley.com for more information.

May May 3rd- Fort Erie Motorcycle Swap Meet

West End Arena, Ridge Road, Fort Erie. 10am-4pm For more info: Contact Sean 289-686-6797 or 905-246-1282 or email shawnmccooey@yahoo.com

May 13th- Jacox H-D Boot Camp

2815 Argentia Road, Mississauga, From 6:30-8:30. Please contact Julie Martin, Jacox Harley-Davidson Marketing & Promotions Coordinator at jmartin@jacoxharley.com for more information.

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Whispers of a Neoteric Nomad

June June 21st- 5th Annual Bobcaygeon Bike Fest

Downtown Bobcaygeon, 9am-5pm Family Event, For more info Call Doug 705-793-1751 or www.BikeFestOntario.com

July July 11th- Hogtown Cycles “Baconfest”

Lucan, Ontario. Everything Bacon and Bikes, All day event More info at www.hogtowncycles.ca Cheers fellow motorcycle enthusiasts. Let me start by introducing myself as the “That Northern Guy”, who is thrilled to be joining such an excellent team that together put out this fine publication that we all enjoy, called “The Rider’s Mag”. My goal here will be to promote and raise awareness of all the biking activities that are happening in Northern Ontario, north of the 46th parallel. Yes, there is life up north past the Muskokas.

Should your club or organisation have an event that you would like covered in the Mag, or would like to advertise in the Mag, or even just be a distribution avenue of the Mag for the riders in Northern Ontario, I would love to hear from you so I can add it to the agenda as I’m predicting a very busy season of riding and photo taking. I can be reached at << ThatNorthernGuy144@gmail. com >> or text me at 705-662-1526.

Although our winters up north last a few weeks longer than in other parts of the province, we still participate in various motorcycling activities such as bike shows and other related events. Some of us even spend those long winter days in our personal shops creating our very own custom rides.

So look out for me, That Northern Guy, in and around the north covering various events and come introduce yourself, you might even end up with your picture in the Mag. See you down the road.......

by That Northern Guy

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THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 6

Cruising With Critter We are well into winter and Mother Nature is treating us to some wicked weather that leaves me longing for the heat of the summer sun and I’ve never been a fan of winter, cold, snow or ice (Except in a glass of rum.) and just don’t find these winter months too enjoyable but I have enough to keep me busy to distract me until spring.

It is a busy time of year for us here at the Mag as Show season is upon us and we are back to our monthly production schedule. Speaking of Shows; I regret to inform you that The National Motorcycle and Tattoo Show that ran for 33 consecutive years is now a thing of the past as Bob and Carol have decided that they have had enough and moved on into retirement.

It was a good run and was a personal favourite of mine and I know, many others and it’s passing will leave a void in our lives and schedules as it has long been an essential part of our season and was a valued source for the parts and new riding gear and a great place to socialize and regroup with those we hadn’t seen since the riding season ended in the fall.

For months I have had to field queries about when it was going to be held this year with guarded comments like “I’m not sure. I’m still waiting to hear.” and so on for months now, both from those who attend the show and vendors alike.

It was put up for sale early in the summer as they hoped that someone new would take it over and it could continue but it was not to be.

The speculation has been put to rest, the final announcement was made and it is now official as Bob and Carol were unable to sell the show and it will not happen this year. I

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know that there were parties who were interested in it but could not put it together in time.

Thanks Bob and Carol for all the time, effort, blood, sweat and tears along with a whole lot of love that you put into staging this great event for all these years. You brought much joy to many and were truly a part of the lifestyle and the motorcycle community. You will be remembered as true pioneers of Motorcycle Shows in Canada and your presence and your shows will be missed.

The other shows are still going and growing and seem to be making some changes to freshen things up. The Supershow which will be covered in depth in its own feature article in this issue, Big Al’s Swap Meet, Fort Erie Swap Meet, Alvinston Swap Meet and The Spring Motorcycle Show.

I was talking to Peter Derry from the Spring Motorcycle Show and he had said that there were going to be changes at this upcoming show and they are as follows; SPRINGSHOW 2015 Announces Expansion and 7 New Features The 2015 Edition of the Toronto International Motorcycle SPRINGSHOW, being held March 21 & 22, at the Toronto International Centre marks the 25th anniversary of this Show that has come to be known as the Springtime Season Opener for motorcyclists.

With some exciting new features being added, the SPRINGSHOW once again expands to include more of what motorcyclists are looking for as they start to plan the new riding season.

The Showbike competition will see some major restructuring, especially in the Level 3 Builders Class. In total there

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Cruising With Critter latest custom creations at 11am on Saturday in the Bikes of the Century Display. His Vincent Black Chopper is based on a chassis built by Redneck Engineering and he’s matched it up with the polished 1948 HRD Vincent engine found by the American Pickers on one of their TV episodes. Bar’s newly completed Vincent Black Shadow “Sandbagger” is also under tight wraps until the Show. Hint: it’s 1300 cc!

WE CAN KEEP YOU For those looking to buy advance tickets to the Show visit the secure ticket page on the web-site.

RIDING ALL YEAR Some brand new incentives will be listed there, inROUND! cluding a limited number of tickets at special disCOMMING TO FRI.13TH? count rates on special dates. Sign up for their e-mails if you want to be notified of those specials. And if STOP IN AND SAY HI you plan to visit the Show on Saturday night, make sure to print out a discount coupon which doubles in CUSTOM WORKS value from $3 to $6 after 6pm, as the New “6 after 6” kicks in at that time.

7 MAIN STREET EAST SELKIRK ONT. N0A 1P0 program There are additional features and some special guests in the works, which will be listed and detailed will be $20,000 in cash and awards being given out and a record number of top-notch bikes are expected to compete. on the SPRINGSHOW web-site in the weeks leading up to the for updates.

Still in the works at press time was the relocation of the en- Show. Check www.motorcyclespringshow.com Saturday, March 21st 10am – 9pm S u n d a y , tire showbike and stage area to a new Hall. You heard it here Show Hours: March 22nd 10am – 5pm Location: Toronto International first.

Centre, 6900 Airport Rd, Mississauga L4V 1E8Admission: New this year is the Pickers Market featuring vendors with used and hard-to-find parts for American, British, Euro- $18 for adults, $5 for youths (6–12 yrs) and free for kids 5 pean and Japanese motorcycles, as well as used motorcycles, and under Parking: Free for over 5000 vehicles! Web-site: memorabilia and collectibles. Peter Derry, of the SPRING- www.motorcyclespringshow.comVendor info and other inSHOW, states that, “There was a sudden need for a venue quiries: call (905)771-0132 This is not going to be an easy column to write. I have for these vendors to sell their stockpiles of used parts. We know that our audience is looking for this ‘impossible to find’ shared my thoughts, ramblings, rants, raves, reviews, trials, stuff and have created a dedicated area where they can pick tribulations, adventures, misadventures, joy and pain with through the vast selection to their heart’s content.” Vendors you over the years of doing it. I have travelled far and wide in this area can buy space at a greatly reduced price (for used to cover so many events and met so many wonderful people stuff only) so contact the Show if you need an area, big or who have treated me so well. You have all become part of my life and are the reason that I keep on doing what I do. I small.

The Editor’s Choice Awards (the EDDYs) will be back may not remember all your names but I remember you all. where the editors of Canadian Magazines and other media You are all part of who and what I am. I have come to reeach choose a deserving motorcyclist or group to be rec- gard you all as friends, perhaps not close, personal friends ognized and presented with an award for their accomplish- in the strictest sense of the word, but friends just the same. ments. The EDDYs will be held on stage on Saturday at 3pm. There is an unspoken bond for whatever reason and while The SPRINGSHOW is also launching a new program to rec- we may not see one another for months at a time’ the bond ognize a Motorcyclist of the Year and this will become an an- remains intact and the sight of one another brings instantanual award with expansion in the years to come. Betty Anne neous, mutual smiles that speak louder than words. We may Clark is this year’s Honouree, having been involved in motor- not even speak but the sight of that person and the exchange cycling since the late 80’s, much of that time as an invaluable of smiles, handshakes, hugs or just a brief acknowledgement volunteer to many groups and events, serving on the execu- like a wave from across a room a field or from the seats of our tive of many motorcycle organizations, and her many riding motorcycles as we see each other on the road is sufficient. It experiences. She will be this year’s Guest of Honour at the is comforting to know that the other is still there and doing what they enjoy doing and they too, remember have come Show.

Show Producer, Bar Hodgson, will be unveiling 2 of his to equate and associate events with the people I meet there

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Cruising With Critter and when I arrive my eyes immediately search for them.

You’ve invited me to weddings, parties, and personal events over the years and it has brought me much joy just to be invited as I can’t always attend. It has been a privilege and an honour to have been allowed into your World and your hearts. With the joy that that privilege allows, there is also the pain and the sorrow that is part of the package.

I have also attended many funerals as mortality stakes its claim and robs us of those we have come to cherish and I share your pain.

Such is the case with Kimberly Bazon (Darling) who passed away in her sleep while on her honeymoon in Jamaica, on December 20, 2014, at the tender age of 45, leaving us to mourn her passing.

I can’t remember exactly when I first met Kim but I know it was at one of the very first events that I covered for The Mag, as it has been a while and she seemed to turn up everywhere and anywhere and she was always a pleasure to see and to talk to.

I know she graced the pages of the Mag on many occasions, both in our feature article “Ladies and their Harleys but just because she was everywhere and just so damn photogenic.

She always seemed so exuberant and full of life and she seemingly, tried to extract every bit of life from every waking moment.

Kim was more than just a pretty girl on a pretty bike. She wasn’t a poser, like some who just buy a motorcycle and think that all they have to do is show up, when the weather and the mood suited them and then just sit and look good and people would think they are real biker chicks. Kim was

a biker, in every sense that the name implies. She was hard core and could really handle that big pink decker that she was so proud of with the best of them, unafraid, win or lose and was always game to compete. She was a pleasure to be around and had a way of putting you at ease.

She was very active in the motorcycle community and a constant presence at many events and charity rides. She also organized many of those events and always willing to help out.

I had been invited to her and Dave’s wedding last September and really wanted to attend but was unable to, due to conflicting events. I regret my decision even more now as I would have liked to have shared that happy moment with her, Dave, who made her extremely happy and her friends and family and to witness her easy, radiant smile on her joyous day. I saw pictures but those images couldn’t possibly capture or convey the true happiness that was in their hearts.

I became aware of her death when I stopped quickly to do a routine check e-mails and such on my computer before heading into the house when I arrived back from an event.

There was a posting by a mutual friend, Wendy, on Facebook that immediately caught my attention as there were pictures of Kim on there in a tribute and I went from a standing position, simply hovering over the keyboard to sinking down into the seat at my desk staring in complete disbelief at the monitor.

“Fuck! This has to be a terrible mistake or some cruel joke!” I thought. I read and re read the posting then checked other pages hoping to find evidence that it was indeed, an error.

It was not! My head reeled and my heart sank as confir-

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 9

Cruising With Critter mation was made.

I attended at the viewing at Corbett Funeral Home in Cambridge and gathered with stunned and shocked family and hundreds of friends to try and make sense of this tragedy. Dave was devastated by the loss, as you would expect but had family and a wealth of good, solid, friends to get him through. I visited with others, equally as shocked and saddened as I, before making the drive back to Newmarket with my head spinning and my thoughts muddled by memories of her and how truly happy she was and I found myself smiling broadly one moment and then the reality that she was gone would hit home and bring me down. So it was, but then it occurred to me that anyone that can invoke those kind of memories and feelings will never be gone because they will never be forgotten and that their life had meaning and purpose and they had an impact on others and they live on in those thoughts and memories.

Sadly, I was unable to make it out for the funeral but Manon, one of our contributors, who I ran into at the viewing who also knew and loved Kim, was going to attend and supplied us with some pictures and reported that the funeral was really well attended with hundreds of people and an es-

timated 100 motorcycles who braved the sub-zero temperatures to pay a proper, final tribute to this fine young woman who touched so many hearts and will be missed greatly by all who knew her. The funeral service and celebration of life was performed by Pastor Ken of the Hamilton Bikers Church of which Dave and Kim were members of their Congregation. There was music and pictures that represented Kim’s

time here on Earth.

I extend my sincere condolences to Dave Bazon, her Son and Daughter; Nathan and Richelle Roberts, her parents; Steve and Marie Darling, her sisters; Michelle Worton (Darling) and Melissa Steenbergen (Darling) and her beloved Grandchildren; Mason and Levi. We all share your loss and can only imagine the pain.

I try my best to convey my feelings and I really liked Kim and it’s so sad that a real happy period in her life was cut short. But I guess if you have to leave...leave on a high note.

I think she did that!

Gone but never forgotten - Kimberly Bazon (Darling) March 12, 1969 – December 20, 2014.

Ride in Peace – Rest in Peace

THE TRADITION CONTINUES

Harley-Davidson Motorclothes , Collectibles & Souvenirs

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 10

Malicious Cycle and Clothing Company Feb 2015 Calendar Shoot I had thought that I had some lined up for this feature this month but couldn’t get it to come together and offered it to the good folks at Malicious Clothing and they recognize the value and exposure that it gives them and they are constantly growing, adding new lines and have new exciting projects either in full swing or in the planning stages and this gives them the opportunity to get the word out there. They were in like Flint! They are nice and close and very accommodating.

I lined up Kriistyn quite some time ago and she was available so we headed on down to Scarborough and got it done.

Clint and Bryan are always great to talk to and they haven’t lost their enthusiasm at all and if anything with each accomplishment their drive and exuberance just seems to increase.

Thanks Guys!

Supershow 2015

It seemed like we had all kinds of time to get ready for this show back in September/October then November came and I thought crap that’s two months away still lots of time!

Then came Christmas and the cold hard reality hit me right between the eyes! Crap!

That’s close! Real close! Time to get serious about this thing!

The trike was still at Bronson’s slightly disassembled, there were body parts at Jabber Airbrush Studio up in beautiful downtown Argyle getting painted and I had my new raked headlight nacelle on order up at Strictly V Twin that needed to be picked up and put on the trike. So I made a quick road trip up through Beaverton and Pefferlaw and then back to Bronson’s to get it all together.

I had hoped to get the rear fenders up to Jabber to get them to match the rest of the bike but the brackets weren’t done yet and we were out of time. So with my buddy Dusty’s help, we gave them a quick sanding applied some shaky can gloss black in his spray booth and re installed them and put much of the

stuff that was to go on her back together and she was as good as she was going to get for this show.

I once again borrowed my buddy Buff’s trailer and the morning of set up day, with Dusty and Bronson’s help, loaded her up and dragged her down to the International centre along with the rest of the booth stuff and a load of Riders Mags did our set up and we were as good to go as ever.

The day of the Show I gathered up Managing Editor, Al, and our trusty sidekick and helper extraordinaire, Scott and headed on down to the show. After a hearty breakfast, we did the finishing touches to the booth and a quick cleanup of the trike, trying to make her look as good as possible before the show started.

We looked around us and found that we were in good company in what has become a favourite location for us at this show. The Hale Family; Fred, Ted and Amy from Strictly V Twin were directly across from us, Mike and Teresa and their crew along with a huge selection of motorcycles from Hogtown in Lucan resided to our

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 11

Supershow 2015

right with our friends from Quebec with their amazing jewelry to our left. Kitty corner to us was Josh Fairhall along with the lovely Maggie and Mom and Dad Fairhall and a large crew who were present at Tombstone’s great display of bikes and other goodies.

I noticed that Mid USA was sharing some space with them as well.

It is nice to see so many families working together in the motorcycle World these days.

Beside them was The Motorcycle Enhancements usual display of fine motorcycles with John, Cassandra and their large and competent

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crew and of course, John’s best friend and constant companion, Panda.

Josh and his crew from JD Cycle in Keswick had a great display of his fine trikes across from them and they were busy the entire weekend as people were lined up to talk to him.

I then wandered into the Show Office to get extra passes for the crew and register the trike. I was debating as to whether to enter it as it still wasn’t totally finished but figured “What the Hell?” and signed her up. I even got time to have a little talk with Richard from The Show and he was very excited as he anticipated record attendance for this show and shared with me some of the great new ideas they had put in place for this show and what they had planned for future shows to keep it fresh and exciting. He said he was an avid reader of The Mag. How he knew that my favourite beer was Labatt’s 50 was beyond me. He must be clairvoyant or something and he even suggested that he might make some available for me at the beer garden although I never did see any.

It’s nice just to know that the thought was there but this was a busy time for all connected with the Show and beer probably ranked real low in priority on their lists of things to do this weekend.

The doors opened and the crowds flooded in and I mean flooded! It was busy and all the halls were packed and reports of long walks from distant parking spots were constant throughout the day.

Joining us this time around for the Friday Show was our newest member of our Riders Mag Crew a tiny, attractive, blonde dynamo named Lee, who has come on board to do advertising sales and she was everywhere, returning to the booth only to stock up on more cards, Mags, and rate cards and gone again.

The Mags were moving really well and our pile of over 4000 copies was rapidly dwindling. We all knew that we would be out of Mags probably by late Saturday if it kept on with the volume that we were experiencing.

It was certainly going to be good for show organizers and vendors alike!

The Trike was receiving a lot of favourable attention and I was fielding a lot of questions about who did what in regards to the woodwork on the box that Dusty had done with his usual attention to detail and perfection. The CNC work that Jim from Against the Grain so skillfully accomplished really brought the whole project up several notches. The fantastic paintjob by Jabber and the all the mechanical aspects and I wished that I’d had time to get the display together that I’d wanted that would give all the great people who had a

Supershow 2015 590 York Rd. Niagara on the Lake, ON 905-684-4647 hand in it proper credit. (I will get it done soon. To borrow a line from Bronson; “I’m putting my best people on it!”)

Many of them were in close proximity to us and for questions about the rear end I gave them my glowing assessment then pointed to JD cycle’s booth and told them to talk to Josh. Many readers already knew that I’d had some issues with it early on that I’d attributed to gearing but my buddy Bronson suggested that it might just be tuning issues and I turned to Josh from Tombstone’s who sourced out and installed a Daytona Twin Tech Module, then set it up properly and it made a World of difference in the trike’s performance. I would then send them to their booth and “Richmond Hill Josh” for more information. Then there were the Hale Family at Simply V Twin who has been really helpful in sourcing out body parts and other essentials and getting me proper specs for things and getting them in promptly to counter my tendency to procrastinate. Our location was working out really well for all concerned.

Another example was that John from Motorcycle Enhancements is a skilled machinist and had custom made a cover to contain the remote for my sound system and that got a lot of attention as well. I could give a brief explanation and then just point to the party responsible.

People were really interested in even

the smallest details and it wasn’t unusual to see someone lying on the ground peering underneath. The fantastic Tonneau cover that my buddy Dave from Deluxe Auto Trim in Stouffville made for me on real short notice yet, still took the time to painstakingly finesse it, adding the flames that he stitched in while taking care to correctly match the flames shape and get the right colour thread to match the bike’s paint job. All the trademarks of a true craftsman who takes pride in what he does. The fenders that Just Metal in Aurora had custom crafted from a pair of “On Sale” Princess Auto items as well received much attention.

I still have more to do to it and by the Spring Show it should look different yet. It has been an exciting project and involved a lot of help from a lot of friends. Thank you all!

Bad Bob and Alex Senior arrived about noon and Senior was large and in charge in the booth and was, as always, a

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 13

Supershow 2015

huge hit, eswith the ladies.

Owner Frank Pastor Jr. It is good to Horticulturalist Class III U of T see him out Over 35 Yrs. Experience and enjoying Hydroponic Growing & Lighting Systems himself at the shows. for Vegetables & Flowers My two favourite barStore Hours tenders were Mon. - Fri.: 11:00 - 6:00 here once Saturday : 11:00 - 2:00 again this year Closed Sunday and their smiling faces are always a welcome sight.

E-mail : crops@cogeco.net Around 6:00 Tel. (905) 333 3282 480 Guelph Line the crowds Fax (905) 639 9190 Burlington, Ontario started to wain Toll Free 1 800 668 0980 Canada L7R 3M1 and we made our way to the exit as we were on deck for first thing in the morning once again.

Morning seemed to come soon after my eyes had closed and I had time for a quick shower before gathering the troops once again for the drive down.

Today Mother Nature was to treat us to some snow to go along with the extreme cold! She can be a heartless Bitch at times and so, throughout the day and night she dumped the white shit on us just to make things more interesting and the drive more of a challenge (f******g C***). She tested the resolve of the Canadian Biker and the lure of the Show itself to draw us out in the crap she was providing for us.

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of attendees. The place was packed once again and finding a decent parking spot was the challenge that now faced those who came out to spite Mother Nature and deny her the satisfaction of keeping them from something and somewhere they wanted to go. Show the bitch what Canadian Bikers are all about!! At this point the younger, less subdued Critter probably would write: “So Fuck you Bitch” or something like that, but I’m a lot more mellow and far classier than that now, and will simply say “So there Mother Nature!”

We were well equipped to handle the crowds with a large contingent of crew members, new and old, that seems to grow each year.

It was a concern that I once had, when I first took over The Mag, that I wouldn’t have enough people to be able to do the shows. That is no longer a concern. Senior and Bad Bob are a constant and were back in Saturday as well as Scott and Peppermint Patty who have been with us now since the beginning of my tenure and are invaluable at the shows. Patty, due to welcome and much needed, changes in her employment was only able to come out for one day and chose to come later on Saturday so that she and the magnificent Manon could stay late and let the early crew take off by late afternoon which was a much welcome and appreciated relief for us.

Another recent addition to the crew is Sharon (Sticker Chick) who is now our Owen Sound Durham Region Representative was in for a Saturday shift. She had a selection of stickers that she displayed and sold at the booth. The ISIS Hunting Permits were quite a popular item. Our other resident cartoonist, Magic Mike also came out and he was a tremendous help. We had numerous other offers of assistance as well, but we had things well in hand. In fact the crowds were snapping up the Mags so fast and our supply had dwindled to the point where we thought that our early prediction of being out by Sunday Morning would have to be revised to late Saturday afternoon if we just made them available and didn’t hand them out.

The Mag seems to be picking up steam and the demand for them growing.

I was free to wander and take in the Show and visit with our ever expanding list of advertisers. I would leave the bulk of Hall 5 to explore early Sunday. Terez who puts the Terez in Terez Leather was in her usual spot at the entrance from the hallway and I actually was able to catch her in a very rare lull in the action and chat awhile. She still had her ever popular Leather Fashion Show going on stage at various intervals throughout the entire run of the Show. I wandered out through the renovated hallway that links Hall 5 to the other Halls and found that there were even more renovations that saw previous separate Halls now combined that changed the configuration of how the vendors were now placed. It seems to have improved the flow of people.

I found Brian Greer of

Supershow 2015

Brian Greer Tin Ceilings at his usual spot just inside, whatever Hall it was now with all the vintage and racing bikes with his great display of his products.

Also in familiar territory was Robinson’s Motorcycle who came in from Wheatley with a huge display of bikes for sale.

What would a wander out through the show be without a stop at the Urad Leather Treatment Lady to shine my poor, painfully abused, boots? She once again, worked her magic and gave me pointers to get the salt stains out and better care for my boots.

Now, with footwear gleaming like new pennies I continued on my quest unfettered this year by any aching knees, broken ankles or any other challenges and was also also completely, cane free, although at times I miss that cane that Gord from Black Gold gave me several years ago. It served me well and assisted well in getting me around and it looked good doing it. Also you just never know when you’re going to run into some asshole, so

desperately in need of, if not, a full-on attitude adjustment, at least a major tune-up and a length of high impact plastic with binged out eyes ears and nostrils might come in quite handy as a tool with which to accomplish said adjustments. Gord, once again had a large section of real estate at the show at a different location than previous shows and had it crammed with his quality knives clothing and accessories. The relocation had him worried at first as he had gotten used to the old spot but found that this new location was working quite well for him and he was delighted with the attendance and the flow was better now.

The local Harley-Davidson dealers; Jacox, Davies, and Mackie’s had gone together on a great looking massive display of their new line of motorcycles. I spotted Keith Marshall from Jacox and had to stop for a chin wag.

There were great looking displays from all the dealers of all the different manufacturers,

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Supershow 2015

Indian, Victory, Suzuki, Honda and everything else you could think to mention with models to suit everybody’s preference and if you didn’t find anything stock to fit your fiddle there were outfits there who could make it to measure or sell you what would be required to do it yourself.

Len’s Auto from Jarvis was never one to take a back seat to anyone when it comes to making a display and his massive line of trikes and trike conversions was impressive to say the least.

I found Timothy Leigh-Bell the Bike Lawyer at his booth and he was busy as usual fielding legal questions from many interested parties. I did manage to get into a bit of conver-

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 16

sation before noticing that others were waiting to talk to him and moved off. I guess when you’re good people hear about it a seek you out!

I had been looking for Nash, The Leather King and looked in all the usual places but wasn’t able to find him.

I found out later that he was unable to attend this year.

Too bad though, as there were many there who were looking to buy some of his amazing line of boots and had also been wandering though the various Halls refusing to believe that he wasn’t there as he has been a mainstay at these shows for years and his presence was very obviously missed.

I also located the great display that Schomberg Powersports had set up and stopped to talk awhile with John and his great enthusiastic crew had set up before moving up into Hall 1 where the many charity rides and clubs had some really creative and well thought out displays as they competed to catch the eyes and capture attention of the many show goers.

These halls also contained vendors quite literally selling everything from soup to nuts. Health products to make you well or feel well or at least look well or in my case; just get as close as I can to any of the above. There were t shirts of all sizes, colours and descriptions, shirts with sayings or logos that were amusing thought provoking, sleazy, sexy, or that fit into no specific category or defied description altogether. There was glue, polishes, leather goods, leather polishes, Butt warmers and things that make your butt look good, feel good or make your fat ass smaller or at least look smaller or to make it bigger and shapelier. If you wanted it didn’t want it, needed it or didn’t need it, or just didn’t realize that you wanted and needed it, whatever, it was there in abundance you just had to look around. Whatever, it was available there because they know that bikers aren’t just bikers they are consumers.

I ran into Tim and Tina from Triple K Upholstery where they were kept busy throughout the show with their fine line of gel packs and custom upholstered seats. I bought one of the air horns that will be sure to get people’s attention, as I roll down the road on the Trike. Tim had actually dropped by our booth on Friday on the way to and on the way back from doing some final touches to a seat that he had done for one of the level 3 custom bike entrees in hall 5. It’s nice to see that it’s not just me putting shit together at the final moments. Sometimes it all comes down

Supershow 2015

to the short strokes.

Anyhow, I made it through to Hall one and now I had to find my way back to our booth in Hall 5.

It was time for a well-deserved beer break and although you were no longer confined to the perimeters of the beer garden area and could carry your purchase anywhere in the show I was content just to find a seat from which to sit quietly and digest all that I’d just taken in.

Sitting quietly alone at a Bike Show isn’t an easy task for me as people do tend to come over to visit and the table was filling up quickly. The ever popular and entertaining “Carpet Frogs were doing an amazing job on the stage that had the whole hall jumping with their renditions of good old rock ‘n roll.

There were a good number of Motorcycle Clubs out for the day as well as this show always coincides with The Ontario Confederation of Clubs meeting that is held at another location but many members from assorted Clubs from across the Province are in town for that and try to take in the Show before the meeting. There were representatives from The Hells Angel MCs, The Outlaws MC, The Queensmen MC, Aces and Eights MC, The Brotherhood MC, The Rangers MC, The Phantom Thunder MC and others too many to list checking out the show and along with them came the Police who hung around showing off their new cameras and equipment. New Budget time must have been good to them.

Also in town for the show was a long-time friend Guy Levasseur and his lovely Lady from Sudbury. I have been looking for someone to represent us in the wilds of Northern Ontario and Guy would fit the bill quite nicely. I offered him the gig and he couldn’t say yes fast enough, he starts this issue with a short introduction piece so watch for him in your travels in the Great White North. Welcome aboard Guy! The day just flew by and it was extremely busy our supply of Mags consisted of perhaps 100 but we noticed that the crowds were thinning dramatically and with constant reports that the weather was worsening we took our leave as did Senior and Bad Bob, Magic Mike and Sticker Chick leaving Manon and Peppermint Patty to look after the booth.

We headed out early the next morning to allow time to pick up the trailer have breakfast find a decent parking spot and still get in early so I could wander through hall 5 and get clear shots of all the bikes without having to shoot through crowds of people.

There were lots of great looking machines on display and proof positive that the creative talents and the imaginations of the builders hasn’t diminished at all and if anything those talents have just reached new levels.

Monte Carlos was there with his wild and whimsical creations that border on out and out weird but they certainly get your attention. This is an example of an imagination gone wild!

Sundays at the shows normally starts off slow and this year was no exception which is good for me as it gives me the opportunity to wander leisurely around and talk to people at the booths and displays throughout the various Halls and get their assessment of the show.

I had time to stroll through the used motorcycle section and there was an enormous selection with some of the Provinces largest dealers represented. Am Sales have been a long time advertiser with us and they had a large number of previously enjoyed bikes out in their display by the beer garden and they seemed quite happy with things. Jacox H-D

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and Davie’s H-D also had a booth in hall 5 with a selection of used bikes that was in addition to the massive new bike display in hall 3 that I mentioned previously. Classy Chasis, Marks Motorcycles from over in Brantford, all seemed to be extremely busy throughout entire run of the show. I know Mike, Teresa and company from Hogtown were very happy. I didn’t hear any negative comments at all from anyone, as the attendance was fantastic and the mood was good.

Being out of books and having things well in hand we knew Saturday that we could get by on Sunday with just a few of us to cover the rest of the show so Bob and Senior, Peppermint Patty, Magic Mike decided to take the day off and Al, Scott, Manon and myself would be more than up to Over 20 yrs of Award Winning Custom Bike Seats Pans~Shaping Engraving~Studs

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Supershow 2015

the task.

It was a slower day, typical of Sunday but still busy enough to keep people from getting bored and it was still a very busy time for the used bike section as people had time to peruse all the offerings and do sufficient comparison and come back to close the deal.

I checked out the Leather Fashion Show and just wandered around. One of The Swordsman MC stopped by the booth to inform me that I’d just missed a visit from a good friend of mine, Bryan Davis when we left the previous day.

Bryan is going through a rough patch right now as he battles a rare cancer.

He has an amazing attitude and has plenty of fight in him but I would have liked to have seen him before he went into hospital for the operation. Good luck Bryan! Keep fighting and keep smiling and you will be just fine!

Bob and crew from Eagle Eye Cycle in Whitby had a great looking display of motorcycles one that was put together

by Ian was a tribute to Kenny “Magic” Kerr “In memory of The Eater” Ken would have been thrilled. Steve Schuler had his usual fine display of custom motorcycles, Some of the displays were absolutely spectacular and I can only imagine the time and energy that went into the design, assembly and tear down that went into some of these displays. Hell when we tear down our bone simple booth we inevitably lose something be it brackets, clamps or nuts and bolts and have to replace whatever for the next event.

It was now time for the awards portion of the show and I carried my chair from the booth and found a good spot from which to get shots of the winners. I was joined by Manon and we moved from one category to the next. We got to the Trike Class and I was shocked to hear my name called as a winner. To say I was sur-

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authenticltd@rogers.com / www.authenticltd.com prised and happy would be an understatement. The rest of the awards were just a blur as I clutched my plaque while taking pictures as this was the first time I’d entered in a Major competition and the plaque sits displayed prominently in my office and it makes me smile every time I see it. I was happy to just have it looking good and running good and functioning like it does as a delivery vehicle and an excellent promotional tool, and this was just icing on the cake! Thank you all.

It was now time to pack up and head for home. The crappy weather continued but we got it all done dropped off the Trike at Bronson’s so we could finish the work remaining to be done dropped Buff ’s trailer off. Time for a good dinner drop off Al and Scott and collapse in my lazy boy and relax with Godzilla and the Wonderdogs.

It was a great time at the Show but it is very tiring!

Good Job by all involved with the show you make a hard job look easy. See you next year!

The List of Winners was not available at press time but will be posted online as soon as it is available.

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THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 19

On The

Getting back up to speed with monthly issues after lollygagging around for a couple of bi monthly issues is a challenge especially with some travel as well but I am in the seat and getting it together for the next few issues of the mag.

Although I won’t get to the upcoming Ottawa bike show I will be at Friday the 13th this month and unless there’s some disaster I should have some ladies titty shirts dated for 2015 and sponsored by yours truly. Ladies I will be hangin’ out around Angelo’s and maybe strolling over to a few of the other places in town but I will be doing it daytime as I have weekend plans and need to head out of town late afternoon for a snow filled weekend in Western New York.

Sadly I will not be able to attend the March event and it bums me out being the first I have missed in 2 decades of hanging out and 16 years of the mag. Yes next issue is the 16th Anniversary issue and start of year 17 of the publication although we did start the nuts and bolts work research and all the other things and there was a lot that need to be done to start a business like the mag from the ground up, especially with no former experience in the publishing business but a lot of entrepreneurial expertise at least.

It’s almost time that our thoughts turn to riding again up here in the Great White North where the weather might give us 8 months or so of riding maybe a little less if it is real crappy but you all know that when that time comes around I start lining up another year of feature shoots which is one of the responsibilities that I kept here at the mag. Back in the day we did our southwestern Ontario trip the last weekend out of necessity due to deadlines and shows, things have changed a lot but we kind of like getting out and visiting Windsor getting some shoots done on the way there and on the way back and maybe just maybe take in a Red Wings

Road

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game if their still in the hunt.

I currently have a few bikes in the Sarnia area that we couldn’t close the deal on last year and I have a shovel in the Windsor Essex area but I can still use another 3 bikes or so if any of you are up to it, we are always short on men’s sportsters, special construction and vintage bikes, and ladies as long as its American (Harley or Indian or special construction) we are good to go. You know our other classes are shovel and evo/twin cam stockish. We have the latitude to stretch our trip through the Friday and into the Monday to accommodate bikes en route and in the immediate area.

If you don’t live in the southwest don’t despair we do cover all the southern side of Ontario and do frequent trips into the TriCity area , Niagara and an annual trip east of Toronto. We have been known to take a ride out to Ottawa if we get a half dozen bikes, so even if you live up that way or in between cities we can fit you in. For all of you that live where ever we are always good with setting up ride in shoots for both men and ladies on weekdays down our way, our way being Burlington Ontario and we do have a place out Dover way that we hope to get back to this summer so bikes in Dover, Selkirk, Cayuga, Fishersville, even Cheapside.

Those of you that are not internet challenged send me a pic of your bike and your geographic and contact details, in other words where you’re at and how we get a hold of you at theridersmag@gmail.com or you can voice me at 905-631-5890. I don’t have a mailing address anymore since I retired but if you mail it to Critter I am sure he can forward it along to me. Looking forward to a fantastic, riding and reducing year, see you out there, on the road.

YEAH I’M TOO FUCKIN LAZY TO PICK UP THE RIDERS MAG FOR FREE! MAIL ME A YEARS WORTH FOR THE COST OF POSTAGE CANADA: $30.00 CDN, U.S.A.: $35.OO U.S.D. INTERNATIONAL: $75.00 CDN

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Fighting for Your Rights The Peter Principle is a concept in management theory in which the selection of a candidate for a position is based on the candidate’s performance in their current role rather than on abilities relevant to the intended role. Thus, employees only stop being promoted once they can no longer perform effectively, and “managers rise to the level of their incompetence.” Source: Wikipedia.

Following recent media reports concerning Mr. Julian Fantino MP, it is apparent that he ‘fits the shoe’. IMHO, Mr. Fantino actually reached that dubious plateau long before his entry into federal politics and subsequent demise as the minister in charge of veterans’ affairs. Rewind back to 2007, Chief Fantino, while head of our provincial police force, exercised the Peter Principal when he orchestrated the devastation of personal property and the significant intrusion into the lives of the Downtown Hells Angels. In last month’s issue, Donnie Petersen wrote about his experiences during that very stressful time, which troubled me as an individual dedicated to the protection of bikers rights. The article was very insightful, well written and deserves a second reading. I am looking forward the next installment.

Clubbers are the first line of resistance in the fight to preserve our rights as bikers. Far too bold a statement, ya think?? Consider this . . . the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms is constantly being abused every time a patch holder is subjected to harassment via the issuance of a bogus traffic act violation.

Clubbers challenge these impositions and are generally successful; with the resulting court decision benefiting all bikers. Clubbers are the core foundation of this lifestyle and, whether admitted or not by the riding public, are basically responsible for the popularity of motorcycling. The image of the non-conforming rebel has always been based upon the everyday attitude of club riders. Every time a weekend warrior pulls on his leathers, he is attempting to affect that same attitude.

Hell yea, he is playing to that cool image as he poses for the pedestrians and it is for that very occasion that he has acquired a ton of biker bling, wears SOA apparel and adopts the persona. When pressed by the dogs of the establishment, these same individuals loudly proclaim there are significant differences between them and club members. Oh yea, Over 30 Years of we may dress like them, talk Winning Cases. like them, ride loud machines like them, attend the same events as them and mimic the same attitudes as them but we are not anything like them.

An approach that brands them as bonafide counterfeit, sorta like transvestites in the Free Consultation women’s washroom, vaguely similar but seriously different. No Fees Unless The Ontario I Recover Money Confederation of Clubs, For You through the participation of its membership, has worked hard to raise public

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awareness of the unconstitutional profiling of bikers and the unconstitutional stereotyping of patch holders as criminals by law enforcement and the media. Our cause has never been more important than now and never more critical to the interests of everyone who rolls two big wheels.

Many individuals, and groups, both outside and inside the motorcycling community, incorrectly classify the O.C.C. as an organization with a narrow purview. This assumption could not be further from the truth. Yes, we are political in our insistence that bikers have rights, and that those rights should be respected, the same as any other citizen regardless of affiliation.

Yes, we are also political in our insistence that changes be made to the Highway Traffic Act to address motorcycling safety issues. Yes, we are political in our insistence that the citing of unfounded infractions of the Highway Traffic Act should cease being used by police as a method of harassment that presents an unnecessary burden on our legal system.

And yes, we are here to ensure that all of us, every last one of us that rides for enjoyment, are safe, respected and treated no differently than any other lifestyle participant. Political mandates aside, we are also riders, parents, taxpayers, workers and citizens of Canada.

Although currently I am not a member of any club, I lean on my experiences as a lifelong biker and founder of two motorcycle clubs when underlining my opinions and statements. And yes Ollie, even now in my twilight, I will always crank it up whenever I hear the Stones performing ‘Sympathy for the Devil’!

Every Canadian has the following fundamental freedoms: (a) freedom of conscience and religion; (b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication; (c) freedom of peaceful assembly; and (d) freedom of association.

Nuff said!

Larry Lilly aka Rooster OCC Treasurer

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(905) 826-3633 timleighbell@bellnet.ca THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 21

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The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?’

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: ‘No, not this time!’

The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 22

Page

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.’

So, he removed it, Stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

‘I have something to show you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed, ‘Schwartz is dead!’

The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

‘Hurry,’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’

She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.

‘Don’t move until I tell you, ‘She said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’

‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room.

‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied.

‘The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.’

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

‘Here,’ he said to the statue, ‘have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.’

The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

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‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’

‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed...

He glanced at the menu and asked: ‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’

‘A nickel,’ the barman replied.

‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man.

‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’

The bartender replied: ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’

The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’

The bartender replied: ‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’

The 6th & Best Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: ‘I have something I must confess.’

‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied.

‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace. ’I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!’

‘I know,’ she replied. ‘Now just rest and let the poison work.’

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“Husband 3 was from Field Services, he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

“Husband 4 was in Telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, husband 1 was a Sales Representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

“Husband 2 was in Software Services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d Continued look into it and get back with me.

on Page 45

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MONDAY

2015

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Malicious Clothing & Custom Cycle Builder/Shop of the Month Feb. 2015

The words stagnate or coast, do not exist in owners, Bryan and Clint’s vocabulary. Nor can the term “Resting on their laurels.” ever be applied to them or their business.

Since opening their doors just this past year they have been on a roll, constantly adding new lines and products and expanding the services they offer as well as the space that they are doing it in. Their location is perfect as there is plenty of space available to accommodate that growth as the need arises.

Each time I’ve gone there I find that something new has been added, as they are keeping it fresh and exciting.

There is a constant, ever changing flow of new t shirt designs, clothing and leather goods by quality craftsmen and manufacturers, custom made to meet their high quality standards and specifications.

They have a flair for

CUSTOM FABRICATORS “We Don’t Just Do The Same Old Thing” 3595 St. Clair E. Unit 7 Scarborough, Ont.

416-666-5827 THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 26

display as well and the store always looks fantastic, clean and inviting.

They are constantly improving and evolving from what was a good idea or concept into a great business model and their rapid and constant growth and acceptance in the community is phenomenal. This acceptance and growth was no accident and no real surprise but how rapidly it has been achieved was. The clothing end is doing very well but the custom fabrication has also been growing in leaps and bounds but they are not blindly expanding as each move has been carefully thought out and meticulously planned so as not to write cheques that their asses can’t cash or make promises they don’t have a hope in Hell of delivering on. It is easy to ride a wave of popularity when you are new and fresh but you have to be mindful of the highs and lows and be sure that you allow for the lows and they have done that and make realistic decisions based on sound judgement and honest assessment and are ever alert to changes in trends and mindful of improvements and adjustments that may have to be made.

They can now offer in house paint and artwork to go along with the custom metal fabrication, design and modification and mechanical engineering. They are now a one stop shop and can deliver first quality work at realistic prices and delivered in realistic time frames.

They have carefully assembled a top notch team of fully qualified people each with their own special set of skills but able to work as a team on any project big or small.

Plenty of heated, clean and secure storage is available at reasonable rates. That too is an area that has seen much growth and more space has been made available.

They have a number of in shop projects well underway that are way outside of the box and should cause quite a stir when they are unveiled.

So that pretty well sums up what they offer, quality goods and good, reliable, honest, service at reasonable prices but to me, what makes this place such a success is the owners, who sincerely love what they do and are genuinely excited by it. It comes through in everything they do and everyone involved.

Come on in and check them out sometime, but don’t expect to see the same old thing it doesn’t exist here.

The Publisher Speaks Je Suis Charlie

I have done Editorial Cartooning for various newspapers and Magazines including this one for the last four decades plus some, and in that time I have skewered Presidents, Prime Ministers, Politicians of all stripes, Military leaders, Cops, the occasional Police Chief and just about everything and anything that for whatever reason needed it either in my mind or at the request of my editors. I have taken shots at self-righteous, self-important egomaniacs, dictators Despots, Religious fanatics and inanimate things like unsafe cars, motorcycles, manufacturers, practices, laws, sports figures, sports and so on and so on, to the best of recollection I’ve never done one on Mohamed but it’s possible. Hell I even have two urinals with Julian Fantino’s likeness painted on the inside, both expertly painted by a good friend of mine, Jabber, who gave them to me as gifts. I have two because the first one I didn’t want to risk damaging and it is hung high on the wall so that my many friends who stop by won’t pee in it.

The second one is fully functioning and it is a delight indeed to vent, relieve oneself as well as express yourself in the face of some self-righteous arrogant jerk that has over the years made a career of pissing off and pissing on others like bikers before turning his attention to our Veterans. There may be space on the wall for others like Kathleen Wynne and/or her predecessor Dandy Dalton. They are not above being ridiculed, or criticized they and we are entitled to have an

opinion and have the right to express that opinion.

Having an opinion should not be an offense publishable by death or violence.

What happened in Paris by Religious Fanatics is totally unacceptable and a total outrage! I condemn these mindless morons who feel the need to force their religious beliefs on others with violence or threats of violence. There has been huge outpouring of support for the Satirical Newspaper in particular and for cartoonists, writers and journalists and all who value the right of free speech and expression in general. There has been worldwide commendation of the barbaric acts and atrocities committed by these brainwashed bastards who think that their right to express their beliefs supersede the rights of others and I will add my voice and my pens to that cause.

There has been much violence and people have died recently as the open minded, reasonable thinking have clashed with the religious zealots and crack-pots that counter any criticism and reason with hate violence, intimidation and threats in an attempt to censor and control the rest of us. The Riders Mag and myself have never been labelled as being “politically correct” to put it bluntly and succinctly, so the meaning of my statement is clear to them I simply say; Fuck you!

“Yeah, Tell the Chief that that is what the sign says alright” “And if he wants it taken down he can tell them.”

If your looking for us, We’ll be here looking out for our citizens!

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 27

Shenanigans

with Sherri O’Irish

ABATE THE FINAL FRONTIER PART II

Later in the day, I caught up with a stately gent with white hair and beard, named “HellCat”, who is President of Chapter 14 out of Huron Perth. He has been with ABATE for 23 out of the almost 25 years since it was founded, seen many members and changes come and go, and is very proud of the countless charities the have helped over the years. He also informed me that a couple from Saskatchewan, that have come down for the last couple years, were made Honorary Members by Chapter 14, for their long distance support and friendship.

Just as the evening bands started, I was introduced by “Surf”, to Erin Wright from Angus, whos’ son Drennan has autism. After trying to get help from other foundations in Simcoe County, and the military based riding club ( her husband is in the military), with no results, she reached out to the Grey-Bruce ABATE chapter. Through their annual March Pool Tournament, which Drennan attended, they raised over $7000 for a speech device, to help him communicate with. Erin said he was overjoyed and captivated by the members and their bikes, and especially with the Honorary patched vest he recieved. Tearfully NEW FOR 2015 Erin expressed to me her gratitude to ABATE for helping to change the lives of Drennan and her family.

My cousin Glens’ band 420 and Change took the stage mid evening (and YES I will be partial, they kicked ass), and got the crowd pumped up. During their set, a brief intermission ushered in the arrival of a bike to the front of the stage. The 1969 Rigid Chopper framed BanBuild Design dit, had been fixed, after the tragic loss of Dave “Dusty” Howard, President of the Woodstock Chapter. In May of this year, he was fatally injured in a motorcycle mishap riding the bike, and as a memorial, his brother got the Custom Bikes & Engines fixed for the event. A memorial sculpture was also easyacres@xplornet.ca 519-636-3717 bike made by “Cuzman” of Chapter 14, and displayed with 23983 Melbourne Rd. Strathroy, Ont. candles at the Chapter 2 camp. To close out the night,

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Shenanigans

with Sherri O’Irish Rust Proofing by

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the Bon Scott tribute band (including some of my home town guys) BONFIRE, let there be rock on a large, loud level. If the party hadn’t pissed off the neighbor by now, this would have put him over the edge! With the Bon and Angus appearance and personas, this band rocked the campgrounds for the rest of the evening.

The next day I had to leave for another event, missing the Memorial Ceremonies, and later the Blues bands. When I talked to “Surf” a week or so later, he said that there were approximately 1000 people and members in attendance, and that fundraising amounts were up substantially from previous years. This is a great event worth the ride, put on by a group of dedicated riders, to make a difference in their communities and throughout Ontario. Next year will be thier 25th Anniversary, I hope to see you out, to support ABATEs’ endeavors, and for one hell of a great party!

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Do I Look Like I Take Stupid Pills?

Both the Victory and Indian have technology improvements that should make Harley-Davidson cringe!

Harley-Davidson has been building motorcycles for 111 years. They have had more than enough time to get it right.

I know this because I have ridden various H-D’s for 44 years now and worked on them for 40 years.

If you don’t want to take the time to read the middle text look at the last two sentences. You may want to read the middle after all.

I went to the International World of Motorcycles to look at CVO Harley-Davidsons. My 2007 Street Glide is running fine but I thought I might get another.

The reader should know I feel that traditional Harley riders, especially those in 1% clubs have been mistreated by the Motor Company for a long time now. Our loyalty during their lean years has not been acknowledged nor paid back. I am not looking to get paid back for anything but there is an old saying by a guy that I respect. Treat me good and I will treat you better. Treat me bad and I will treat you worse.

Moreover, I feel the factory stole our lifestyle, pasteurized it, and marketed it as the H-D lifestyle with HOG et all. I have nothing against HOG as anyone on two wheels gets my thumbs up. I laughed when I saw that Victory has VOG. However, my hurt feelings did not make me buy another bike brand. I have looked over the years. Many are superior quality, handle and brake better. Most are faster and all are less expensive but they lacked the Harley magic. A lot of that “magic” I speak of has nothing to do with nuts and bolts.

Tradition and the past has been kind enough to bestow the magic.

What is this tradition?

Well, it is many things. H-D will talk about its proud tradition of racing. Ahhh; not what I am talking about. For the most part, Harley riders don’t care about that. Sport bike riders do but not us. The Motor Company has a military history.

Not many new riders know this. There is only one movie I am aware of that uses a Harley in a war movie. John Stamos plays the lead. I cannot remember the movie’s name but it is very good. American and Canadian police forces have a long history with using Harley-Davidson. We don’t ride a Harley because of this either.

I think the tradition that creates the magic is one of individualism and rebelliousness that plays itself out on the open road. I think it is an image of America’s past, settling

by Donny Petersen

the West; cowboys and outlaw stuff. It is one created by the original bikers and their clubs. Mostly, it is created by the media’s sensationalistic reporting of the originals lifestyle.

Whether you like these clubs or not is immaterial. However, the images they bestowed upon the machine they ride is.

These clubs also have a tradition of making an American made motorcycle mandatory as a ride. Furthermore, this motorcycle had to be a big one, generally 750cc or larger.

There was no other Choice!

In the old days, the Indian (1901 to 1953) was the only other option but it went out of business in 1953.

We loved our Harley’s back then. The dealers treated us well. Why wouldn’t they; many times they were just like us.

Back then, our bikes required constant work, which was fine.

Half the trip was working on your scooter in a garage with your bros and a case of beer.

Then along came the Honda Gold Wing. It was the only other bike with enough cubic inches that was American made. Intellectually, I knew the Gold Wing was superior in every way but it did not have the magic. We were not interested.

From 1999 to 2003, the Indian brand was resurrected.

The first ones were Harley clones using aftermarket engines.

Some riders liked this bike but not enough. In my opinion, Indian needed a stand alone bike that based on its tradition.

For the most part, we were not interested in this option. It too went out of business.

The Polaris Victory began production in 1998.

Polaris also bought the remnants of Indian more than a decade later. It really only wanted the name because their plan was to develop a traditional Indian using modern, reliable technology. The Polaris Indian was introduced in 2013 with three models. They have done a very nice job.

It remains to be seen if Indian will become a favorite with the Harley crowd. Polaris wisely let traditional design rule their styling.

Polaris Polaris Industries is an American company, well known for its success with snowmobiles and ATV’s. It is the new Big Twin biker on the block. Polaris developed the Victory a mere 16 years years ago.

I and most of my ilk paid scant attention. I paid even less when the Victory Vision came on the scene. I knew as soon as I laid eyes on it that Arlen Ness did the design. Arlen is a bit like Picasso. He can get too far in front of the herd.

B.A.K. ORIGINAL MOBILE MEMORIALS With that said, I have a good friend that has ridden a The ORIGINAL compact Handlebar Mounted Motorcycle Vision for three years now and he swears by it.

Today, Arlen’s style helped along by his son Zack Memorial Urn for your loved ones or pets ashes. working in conjunction with Victory design has come out with some real good stuff.

High grade Anodized Aluminum construction with Victory design is more subdued than the Vision silicone seal and Stainless Steel mounting Allen bolt but still innovative. What other Bagger has the coveted 21” front mag wheel found on the new model $64.95 each, Shipping and called the Magnum? applicable taxes extra Importantly, neither Victory nor Indian has copied Harley-Davidson.

Ships Worldwide After all, who wants a clone H-D when the real $5.00 from each sale donated to deal is available?

PTSD / Service Dog Organizations Resale Value E-Mail: b.a.k.originalmm@gmail.com It is very true that Harley’s used to maintain their resale value. I remember buying a used Shovelhead, www.originalmobilememorials.com riding it a minimum three years and the resale value climbed over what I had originally paid. If buying a RIDE ON

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 30

Do I Look Like I Take Stupid Pills?

by Donny Petersen

new Shovelhead, this increase in value would take longer but still happened.

This has not been true for over ten years now. If you get great resale value now, the purchaser will be new and lack knowledge. Go ask a dealer what he will give you for your bike on a trade-in! You will see. It starts with all the extras and options you were encouraged to upgrade your purchase. They cost a small fortune and they have zero value to a dealer.

Victory Magnum and Indian resale values remain to be seen. Will they increase in value. Of course not. Those days are long gone.

Paint Harley has developed state-of-the-art paint facilities. Their paint quality has improved exponentially Private Sale or From A Dealership! over the last decade or so. I know about paint. I already knew I wasn’t going to be thrilled by the curAll Makes and Models rent H-D paint schemes. They have great descriptive names; even a simple gloss black translates into Dealerships Welcome Vivid Black. Nothing H-D has done really grabs me in the paint design department.

Call Guy Direct at (647)693-7547 Go look at a Victory Magnum’s paint. Nuff said.

Custom, quality, stunning. Whether the designs apEmail: guy@creditconnect.ca peal to you is a personal thing. They do appeal to me. fect match. Look at one of these then go look at a CVO Harley The Hook with their 19” rim and its mating fender. I am not sure anyThere is nothing wrong with my 2007 Street Glide. It has one took time to introduce the wheel to the fender. It is like served me well. However, I feel the need to get a new one. they don’t know each other.

I walked into the Harley I studied the paint looking booth. Not one new model for defects. I found none. The turned me on. The paint is tiny flecked paint will dance in boring. Then the kicker! A top the sun. line H-D costs 50 grand. Are The Engine you fucking kidding me? Do I The air cooled engine looks look like I take stupid pills? I okay but my conditioned mind turned in disgust. I hate being likes the look of Harley. After played for a chump. all, I have been programmed A bike caught my eye in the to like nothing else. distance. It had nice paint. Me My eye caught a nuance and the boys sauntered over. that most would not notice. I It was a newly introduced Vicasked the salesman what detory model called the Maggrees the V-Twin configuration num. is. “Fifty degrees” he replied. My mind immediately proWhat the fuck! cessed less vibration than what I am used to.

It had a 21” rim on a Bagger. The upside down dual car“Balancing”, I enquired? “Counterbalancers”, came the tridge performance wide glide front end framed the pristine reply.” Yeah man, just like the Softails but more discreet. Sorwheel with floating brake rotors and dual 4-piston perfor- ry to squelch the H-D protesters that they were first. Neither mance brake calipers. Nice. Real Nice. company invented or was the first to use counterbalancing.

The fender hugged the wheel like father and son. A perBy the way, I have heard from a Victory spokesperson that

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Do I Look Like I Take Stupid Pills?

the V-Rod engine technology was invented by Victory engineers three years before V-Rod used it. True, sort of. Partially true, for sure.

“Cam(s),” I asked? “Overhead,” came the reply. Faster, I thought.

Overhead (OHC) cams eliminate the inefficient valve train.

The engine can rev higher with OHC. Cam specs are delivered to the valve precisely. Flexing or maladjusted valve train pushrods cause cams to lose some lift, which reduces engine power, especially at higher rpm capabilities.

He offered another tidbit, hardly a tidbit at all; “$-Valve heads”, sorry about that, valve heads. H-D has two valves per head, which limits top end horsepower. This is major. More valve surface gives more breathing (air) at high rpm, which gives more horsepower. We performance guys have done this to Harleys at major expense for years. This engine is much faster, I think.

I am starting to like this V-Twin engine. I will save the offset rear cylinder for superior cooling and side-by-side connecting rod improvements for a more technical article.

Five quarts of oil as opposed the 4 quarts in a Harley are cooled by an efficient oil cooler behind the chin strap. Oh yeah, it has a color coordinated chin strap that most top customizers use on some bikes they build.

Victory oil pump pressure is 50 psi (pounds per square inch) to 70 psi. Oil is pumped to an oil cooler then back into the heads, down cylinders, and into the crankcase. One side of the oil pump cools/lubricates engine while the other side delivers oil to the oil cooler. H-D oil pressure is specified at 30 psi to 38 psi. Do these figures mean that Victory oiling is

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by Donny Petersen

better than H-D. Maybe it is, I don’t know enough yet. I will after a while and will report back. You cannot say that one is better based on what I have presented. H-D oil pressure works just fine.

Chain Tensioners Harley Twin Cam cam chains are tensioned by two pads about an inch long. The 1999 to 2006 (except Dyna) springloaded cam chain tensioners are in my humble opinion, garbage. The 2007-to-present hydraulic cam chain tensioners have worked well thus far.

Victory cam chains are much longer as they are must serve the overhead camshafts. The chains require more support. Support they get by 4-hydraulic tensioned cam chain adjusters that run the whole length of each side of the chain.

Is this good? It cannot get any better.

The Primary Chaincase I know all of you are used to the Harley clunk. Do you think it is good? Do you think H-D should get rid of it?

Victory has, by using another gear between the engine sprocket and clutch sprocket. There is no primary chain to snap taut with a “clunk” when put into gear.

Harley starter motors and solenoids used to be unreliable. With the Japanese Nippodenso starter motor series that began use in circa-1989, H-D (Proudly Made in the USA) became more reliable. It is the best system to date on H-D. Is it the best system? Not really but I am happy with it because I am used to what predated the Nippodenso starter.

Have you ever pushed the starter button by accident after starting your Harley? If so, you also know the clashing parts and ensuing racket that follows. Push a Victory starter button whenever. This will not happen. Parts will last longer as a result.

The Victory starter motor, in use for over 10-years now because of its reliability mounts at the engine’s front behind the chin strap. It engages directly with the engine sprocket instead of way back on the clutch hub sprocket.

The stator, which is part of the charging system on both bikes, also has a simple but effective redesign or should I say new design on Victory. The H-D stator resides next to the engine case behind the motor sprocket. This is a very hot place to be. Yes, primary fluid helps cool the H-D the stator. However, the Victory stator mounts to the inside of the outer primary chaincase. It is also hot here but not as hot. Cooling oil has greater access. Furthermore, air cooling assists because the outer primary sits into the wind.

Is this a big deal. Not big but it is a small deal nevertheless. I can put this in perspective by saying, all other factors being equal, if an H-D stator has an expected 6-year lifespan then perhaps the Victory stator will have an 8-year lifespan.

Claims that we are Better I sat on my first Victory 6-days ago. I know a lot about H-D but nothing about Victory. Fortunately, I know mechanics. What is more important, I know the physics of mechanics like why things work or conversely why things will break.

If the reader watches YouTube H-D videos like I have watched Victory videos for the last few days, it is necessary to separate the wheat from the chaff. Unfortunately, the consumer (you) has difficulty with this. I don’t. Victory proponents like H-D ones hype the superiority of their products. I have yet to watch a YouTube Victory video that wasn’t true. I need to put true into perspective. Like the stator comparison above, it is not that the H-D stator is bad because it isn’t. The Victory positioning is superior but it does not mean that one

Do I Look Like I Take Stupid Pills?

is bad and the other is good. It simply means that a bit more life will result for the part in question. A video may make a big deal out of an improvement but improvements are not always a life (parts) saver.

Rear Belt Drive Both bikes use a carbon fiber rear belt drive. Both are bullet proof. However, all mechanical moving parts wear out, even carbon fiber. Changing an H-D rear belt costs more than the belt. The complete primary chaincase and rear fork must be removed and then reassembled. This cannot be done on the side of the road with tools found in your saddlebag. Oh, that’s right, you are a Harley rider, you carry a credit card instead of tools. Sorry about the crack for I am also a Harley rider and I too have a credit card and I betcha every Victory rider is the same. It is just that very few do their own repairs anymore.

The Victory belt can be changed in about 1.5 hours and this includes adjustment and alignment, with the tools that should be in the saddlebag.

Center of Gravity and Floorboards I asked if I could sit on a Victory. I did carefully. Remember I am only used to H-D. Both my short legs sat comfortably on the ground. This is big. After acclimatizing for a few seconds, I let go of the handlebars and moved the big bike back-andforth with my knees. It moves with ease. “Lower center of gravity,” says the salesman. “Yes, I can feel,” said I. This is a big plus for handling and control.

I put the bike on the stand and put my feet on the long (a’ la Ness) floorboards. I am talking to my guys when I realize that I am moving my feet back-and-forth on the boards. It hits me! I have never liked this particular Ness styling. However, I never thought of the functionality aspect. If you ride long distances on a Harley you know about your ass hurting.

Less vibration and a place to move your feet back-and-forth on a Victory will be kind to your rear end.

The Stereo Tired of your puny H-D 25 watt stereo? Proud of your 75 watt CVO? Move over boys, the Victory has 100 watts through 6-speakers in the fairing! Then there are optional saddlebag top speakers with an amp. The wire mesh protection for the speaker will double as a kick pad for high heels as they swing over the lustrous paint.

Speaking of the Fairing The inner fairing is color coordinated with the rest of the paint. Nice, very nice!

Speaking of Sound I spent four days trying to talk myself out of this bike. I brought my buddy Guy who hates all things not Harley to Spoiled Sports in Bowmanville to tell me why I should not buy the Magnum.

I told Guy to turn around. I asked John from Spoiled Sports to fire the bike. I then asked Guy, which bike he started. Guy replied, “Harley.” No banana, it was a Magnum.

Electronic Fuel Injection (EFI) All Harley’s are carbureted up to 1994 and all Harleys are fuel injected from 2007-to-present. Victory has never seen a carburetor, they have been fuel injected since their inception.

EFI is better on every front; environmentally, gas mileage, easier starting, precise fuel delivery no matter the situation, and it gives performance.

Why do I mention this? There are different types of EFI. H-D did not do a head-delivery redesign when converting

by Donny Petersen

to EFI. As a consequence, H-D requires a full throttle body to acquire passing air with fuel injecting into the manifold. Is this a problem? No. Later year H-D EFI works very well.

Victory has EFI compatible heads and design. Therefore, EFI is by direct injection. Is this better? Yes, it is. On a race bike it might be a game changer but either is fine for the type of bike being injected.

Slammed Rear End Slammed is an American customizing term that simply means something is smoothed out or in this case lowered.

The Magnum has been lowered both in seat height and with a lower rear end. Hence, Don’s short legs reach the pavement.

LED Headlight A current H-D rage is to replace the stock headlight with aftermarket hi-tech Multiple LED headlights that provide more light and high intensity. Man, I remember buying a headlight bulb for 25 cents. Then a sealed beam cost 25 bucks. Some of these H-D units are a G-note.

In fairness, the prices are coming down but still a long dollar. H-D is beginning to put them on some premium models. They are standard on the Victory Magnum.

Oh Yeah!

I almost forgot. All this and the Victory is 60% the cost of the equivalent Harley. Did I say equivalent? From what I know so far, equivalent might be the wrong word.

donny petersen

www.donnypetersen.com

The V Twin Specialists

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313 Enford Road

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647-522-0516 fb.com/tombstonesmotorcycles THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 33

Sticker

May is Motorcycle Awareness Month in Ontario, let’s all participate! Last year was the deadliest year yet for Ontario motorcyclists according to the OPP. Motorcycle Awareness Events are not something the government is going to do for us. We have to do it ourselves, then it will be done right.

There’s a lot of time between now and riding season for various groups to organize their own event one day in May that targets motorcycle awareness - we are the ones most affected so why shouldn’t we put the work into it? A few clubs in

this area have gotten together to organize different events in different towns throughout three or four counties. They already have support from the OPP, a large insurance company, the local Fire Departments, and many businesses. I will do my best to share their progress and any ideas that may benefit other events.

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THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 34

Stories

by Sharon

known for its many lakes, rivers, winding roads, and fantastic beaches. Grey Bruce is also home to some of the craziest bikers around! Take Oliver for example, riding around on his tricked out KTM bike/sled just to get some famous homemade pie! Sure, he may not be the only one out in the winter around here but he might just be the only one riding around in the snow wearing a kilt!

I don’t ride all winter like Oliver but this year a rare Boxing Day ride was made possible due to above zero temps and lots of rain to clean the roads from the November storms.

My Boxing Day ride was supercalifragiliciousexpialadocious , if there had been bugs I was smiling so much I would have had a full belly of them! Layered up, I made it all the way to Hanover Tim Hortons where I had a coffee and ran into some familiar faces , good to see some Relics out and about even if they were driving their pickup trucks!

The Lake Huron Steel Horse Riders invited me to their Christmas Party which was in a pretty neat spot! A hall in the middle of a trailer camp where you could BYOB, beats buying the bar.

Smiley received a big bottle of his favorite hard to find liquid gold as a thank you from the club for all the great things he does for everyone.

A really neat cake was baked by someone with talent, not sure who but good on ya! It was my pleasure to meet some of the Motor Maids and hear their stories. I hope to get to know them better over the riding season and perhaps participate in some stories! Free tickets to the Bike Show fell into my possession at

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The Bike Show at the Int’l Centre was a ton of fun, thanks for the tickets LHSHR! It was really great to meet some of my fellow Riders Mag reporters, cuz after all, I have only known Critter, Tim, and Senior all these years. My favorite part of the show is meeting new people and seeing old friends. I’m not much for looking at the bling, fashion trends, and newer machines, but I sure do like the antiques, the smell of leather, checking out this year’s runs, and hanging with the people!

The calendar is already filling up with two or more events some weekends and it’s barely January!

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Stories

by Sharon

Great to see Jenn Ephgrave who works hard all year to pull off the Ride for Lupus. Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease that occurs when your body’s immune system attacks your own tissues and organs. Inflammation caused by lupus can affect many different body systems.

The most distinctive sign of lupus ,a facial rash that resembles the wings of a butterfly unfolding across both cheeks, occurs in many but not all cases of lupus. There are many great causes out there and it is hard to decide what to support but please do consider supporting Jenn in raising funds and awareness for Lupus. Like the Ride for Lupus on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/RideForLupus. The ride is on Saturday, May 30th, 2015.

The Steve Mesic Memorial Ride is another ride I am interested in attending this coming summer. According to reports, Steve Mesic was mentally ill when he was fatally shot

by Hamilton Police in June of 2013.

The Steve Mesic Ride raises and funds awareness for mental illness.

It is a FREE ride with donations being accepted. Put this one on your calendar ,Saturday June 20th in Hamilton.

Regarding the Bikers Survival Guide to Winter, just a quick warning. Online dating is NOT recommended if you are married or already in a relationship. If this is the case, online dating could actually make the winter longer . . . DON’T DO IT! I greatly apologize for not mentioning this in the previous issue.

The most important thing in the Bikers Survival Guide to Winter this issue is to take advantage of this downtime to spend with your fellow club/organization members to work on your own Motorcycle Awareness Event. Let’s share contacts and pertinent information to help one another produce an event that targets our safety in a way the cagers can respect. We won’t get far with “Can you see me now asshole”, although I get that, and have screamed it at a cager at least once, but it won’t likely help in getting the positive attention that we need so they stop driving into us.

Some groups are going to stage a mock accident in a popular parking lot in co-operation with local fire fighters and OPP. The public will then be given goodie bags containing Motorcycle Awareness information as they talk to real bikers from the area, some of which are well known as area volunteers, hockey coaches, firemen, grandparents, etc. This is the time to get organized and plan your event, May is only a few short months away!

Happy New Year to all - it’s going to be an amazing year!

Motorcyco Beau

First I want to wish all of you good folks who read and support The Riders Mag a very Happy Freaking New Year and may the best of 2014 be the worst of your 2015 and while I know that sounds a bit confusing you have to remember that when your beard gets as long and white as mine is,, you truly appreciate the chance to celebrate another year of doing what you love best. As in previous years I made my annual pilgrimage the first weekend in January to take in the Toronto International Motorcycle Supershow and if my memory serves me correct I have participated in about 39 of these shows over the years. I used to set up commercial displays and to promote my business but now a days I get to head down to the show and catch up with old and new friends and just plain enjoy myself. This year’s trip included three of my buddies from the TCB in a minivan and as I have said in the past it always amazes me how you start out the journey with a vehicle loaded with bearded tattooed men and yet somehow by the time you arrive in Toronto you have a van load of crazy teenagers who have covered about every bad joke that exists in the universe.

By the time we arrived at the International Center the police were already telling people there was no more room in the parking lots and they were directing cars to the GO transit parking lots nearby but lucky for us my wife had the wisdom and forethought and made sure we brought my handicapped permit and with that we were directed to a special parking area not far from the show’s main entrance.

For most people the Supershow is a signal that the downside of winter has arrived and if by some stroke of luck and you have any money left over from the Xmas holidays and it’s burning a hole in your pocket then this show is a good place to extinguish that fire.

The extra bonus for attending the show is that I

tales from the Far East.... of Ontario that is!

get the opportunity to do a bit of actual socializing with my some of my fellow members of The Riders Mag because most of the time we are busy in our own individual communities and so except for texts, email, and the occasional phone call we don’t get to see much of each other throughout the year and so getting time to hang out and catch up on personal stuff is truly a bonus.

This year’s show had a large number of new faces taking part in it and the number of motorcycles on display in all the salons was way up considerably from last year and along with the bikes were more independent builders and custom

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 37

Motorcyco Beau

painters showing off their skills and abilities and when you were dizzy from viewing all the custom motorcycles you could take a change of pace and indulge in a bit of nostalgia because the Supershow has one of the best displays of bikes happening.

Dyno Machine Shop vintage I always enjoy strolling Welding Flowbench through them and Performance Parts hearing people other myself saying “I Precision Rebuilds than used to own one of COME SEE OUR those!. And one of those NEW LOCATION too!”. I suppose that we NOW OPEN! never get over the first bike that we rode and for 7174 Bank Street, Metcalfe, ON K0A 2P0 me that was a old 1947 Whizzer that (613) 821-9090 Schwinn my older brother got as Tim & Peri a payment for a debt he www.bamachine.ca was owed. I was 9 years old and blown away when he “let” me drive that balloontired two wheeled rocket down the street we lived on and I got it up to 47 mph and from that moment on I was hooked on two wheels. I often fantasize about how good the same model of Whizzer would look hanging over my fire place but the “lovely” Bette might have something to say about that.

One of the highlights of this year’s show was my having the opportunity to sit down and have a good long powwow with “Brother’ Donnie Meeker who aside from being a fellow member of the Mag staff, and highly respected in the Toronto area motorcycle communities, D o n n i e is a very accomplished b l u e s entertainer and one of this year’s resolutions is to take some time later on

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(613) 392-8433 www.makeitroar.com THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 38

tales from the Far East.... of Ontario that is!

this summer and make it to one of Donnie’s performances.

The Supershow always has a number of motorcycle clubs that host information booths and many of these clubs nowadays are meant to attract women who ride, the largest & fastest growing demographic in motorcycle rider communities around the world. One group of ladies that has grown considerably over the last year and call themselves the “Iron Sirens – Riding Club for Chicks” and you can’t make it any plainer than that and I expect to see this club and others like it springing up all over Ontario as more women want a get together with other women and ride.

When we finally arrived at the conclusion we were all tired and it was time to head back to Ottawa we found our trip back home was unlike the weather coming down and now the roads in Toronto were beginning to develop frozen slush as we cut across the city on the 401 and got passed Oshawa. The traffic was mostly tracking into one lane but the roads were salted & plowed until we hit eastern Ontario and from about Napanee on the weather and the roads turned ugly. The freezing rain got so bad that by the time we were coming up the 416 we had to stop several times and scrape the ice off the windows and the rest of the way to Ottawa other vehicles were doing the same thing in order to continue.

About the time most of you read this column everyone in eastern Ontario will be getting ready for the Ottawa International Motorcycle Show, taking place this year on February 13th – 14th & 15th at the Ernst-Young Center, near Ottawa’s airport and this year the show has been extended to three days from two and the headliners for this year see the return of Tommy Flanagan aka Chibbs, of Sons of Anarchy accompanied by Mark Boone Jr aka Bobby and for both evenings fans of the popular television show can participate in one of two v.i.p meet and greet dinners being put on for $125.00 per person. Last year’s appearance of Chibbs & Tig were a great success and I am guessing that this year will be no different and considering I have a booth to run I guess I will have to pass on the v.i.p dinner and stick with a couple of sandwiches and fruit juice.

Last year Tommy Flanagan stopped by and paused for a couple of pictures with some of the Mag’s “Paperboyz” in

Motorcyco Beau

tales from the Far East.... of Ontario that is!

front of the booth and we even gave him a couple of support t-shirts and copies of The Riders Mag and told him to leave them lying around the set while he was doing Blair “Gardog” the show...

Gardiner Hey! We are always +1(613)282-5872 looking for new readers!

By the way I bgardiner@shamelessblues.com would like all you folks that www.shamelessblues.com come to the show that as an added bonus you can always Well I guess that is all there is for now and I really look stop by and meet myself and some of the E.Ontario Riders forward to seeing many of you at the Ottawa International Mag Crew and at no extra cost, now you can’t beat that as an Motorcycle Show and as always I ask all of you to please added feature to the show. show your support of the Mag by supporting any of the Blair Gardiner & The Incredible Shameless Blues will be many businesses that kindly advertise with us because entertaining the crowd over the weekend and I think that thanks to them they make it possible for us to reach you Blair is doing much of the sound work for the whole show. every month for free! Like I said years ago... Read Free! Ride The Society of Ottawa Area Riders (S.O.A.R) will be at the Free! show to promote its campaign where it partnered with the If you know of an event or a business that deals with City of Ottawa for having the month of May designated as “ motorcycle riders and think they might like to advertise Motorcycle Awareness Month” and thanks to the hard work and/or carry The Riders Mag..Please contact me, and effort of folks like Mike Bossio and other members of Email: theridersmag.beau@gmail.com the group. This past year The Riders Mag along with The Twitter: https://twitter.com/Motorcyco_Beau Celtic Brotherhood teamed up together to encourage all of Read The Riders Mag Online : Ontario’s riders reach out to http://theridersmag.com/online/ their various municipal leaders As always I leave you with the reminder and encourage them to get ... We Make Our Motorcycle Communities more active and promote Stronger!.. By Making Them Better! Ride Safe! better awareness of motorcycle Ride Proud! riders on our highways and ..Brotherhood MC Beau streets.

In 2015 The TCB will be attending different motorcycle events in different areas of Ontario with their new “Busted Bucket Challenge” where local riders will be encouraged to participate by wearing special goggles that simulate some of the symptoms of head concussion and then they are asked to navigate a course of pylons while riding an adult tricycle. While the result is a lot of laughs it also helps to get the message out to the public to be aware of the signs of concussion and to seek medical help. At all the events that The Riders Mag (E.Ontario) or the TCB are present at there will be information in co-operation with the OBIA (Ontario Brain Injury Assoc) promoting www.actiontrailers.ca traumatic brain injury awareness and post 4728 Egremont Dr. Strathroy, ON ( 15 min. west of London ) traumatic stress disorder.

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Retirement Ride

This monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feature guy is Gille from Lakeshore Ontario and he is a very good friend and long time riding buddy of our own Tim from Windsor. These two rode bikes together for a lot of years, so close in fact that they say that once they were riding side by each down a road in the distant past and a cop with a radar outfit pulled them over for speeding thinking that they were a car and they say laughingly that when he realized that it was two motorcycles he said ok guys one of you is getting a speeding ticket so flip for it and I understand that it was Tim who got stuck with that ticket.

Like all good friendships as life moved along the friends grew up became more responsible, found work, wives,

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 40

settled down got careers and raised families still getting together for a ride whenever they could. Gilles says that his first Harley was a 55 Panhead which he rode prior to settling down, he says when he got his start at Chrysler in the mid 80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s he set himself up with a newer ride a 1983 FLH practically a brand new bike at that point in time and found himself a lady.

Gilles was still a hard riding man back in the day and besides doing long distance rides with his buddies to both Sturgis and Daytona for their respective 50th anniversary events he also was the first president of the first ever H.O.G. Chapter in Canada connected with the local dealership in Windsor.

Retirement Ride

Gilles says that he was involved at that time with the group and helped set up a lot of rides to H.O.G. rally’s and they also did some fly and ride adventures as well as shipping their bikes by tractor trailer to a variety of locations.

He added a homemade sidecar to his 83 FLH so that he could take his sons on road trips with him through the 90’s saying that he was always taking one of them on a ride with him whether it was up north camping or to a cottage or heading out to a H.O.G. rally somewhere in Ontario. He kept that ride on the road until the late 90’s when he decided to buy himself a brand new ride picking up an early HarleyDavidson Heritage Softail Springer in white with the red trim, you all from Windsor will know that Gilles best buddy Tim was hot on his heels picking up his own identical bike.

Well Gilles bought himself what he calls that most expensive bike that Harley ever sold a 100th anniversary edition Road King and he has just about everything on that bike that you could possibly imagine including a quick release bat wing fairing for touring and so much chrome that its blinding to see in the sunlight, he says at this point the money invested is so significant that he can’t trade it or sell it cause he couldn’t get anywhere near what he has invested so he is hanging onto it.

He bought that Road King as a tourer and really liked it but he was looking at some of the new bikes and he decided that what he really wanted was a full tourer and he took his time looking around deciding what he wanted. Gille talked

to buddies who owned different sorts of bikes taking em for rides and also doing some demo rides trying to decided what he was gonna got to next knowing that he was soon to have his 30 years in at Chrysler and retirement plans included returning to some of the legendary events that he had attended.

Gilles had attended the 50th anniversary of Sturgis and also the 50th anniversary of Daytona bike week as previously mentioned in 1990 and 1991 and with retirement calling and 75 anniversary’s approaching he finally settled on the idea of having a road glide as his touring bike, in fact not just a Road Glide but a Screaming Eagle Road Glide. The dealer principle at his local Harley dealer the same on where he had started the first Canadian H.O.G. chapter was riding one and he loved the thing to death and try as he might he could not find one available like the one he wanted.

Gilles also overcame some significant health problems around this time suffering a broken neck and fully recovering from what could have been a definite life changing event and also being diagnosed with prostate cancer which to the best of my knowledge is one of the few cancers that they are actually able to control through medications.

Once Gilles had to overcome all of these obstacles and

when his dealer was finished riding the beloved Screamin Eagle Road Glide after 3 years Gilles was able to purchase the bike used with a little over 60k’s on it and it is for obvious reasons his latest pride and joy. He got the bike in 2012 and when we did the pics with his lovely gal Collette in April of last year he was just embarking on his second full year of riding this bike.

Since he got the bike he said he had the lowers repainted black cause he said that it was just too much orange and he also plans to upgrade the stereo system and add a couple of speakers to the tour pack, so he does have some plans for upgrades and if he’s gonna stay to his schedule he should be heading out to Sturgis this summer having retire. I suggested that he just spend the time from Sturgis this year to Daytona next year riding the southwest of the U.S.A. heading to route 66 after Sturgis and following it to L.A. maybe a ride up the coast and back down then ride interstate 8 from San Diego over to Phoenix then onto I-10 which will take you all the way to Jacksonville, just a short ride from Daytona for March of next year? Will he make the ride? Hopefully, we’ll find out in a year or two.

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 41

Hello fellow inmates...

Retirement Ride

Owner: Gilles Provost City: Lakeshore Ont GENERAL Fabrication by: Harley Davidson Year & Make: 2009 Road Glide Model: Screaming Eagle Value: Lots Assembly by: Screaming Eagle Time: 2009 Chroming by: H-D ENGINE Year: 2009 Model: 110c.i CVO Builder: Screaming Eagle Coils/Wires: H-D Ignition: H-D Displacement: 110c.i Lower End: H-D Balancing: H-D Flywheels: H-D Rods: H-D Cylinders: Screaming Eagle Pistons: Sreaming Eagle Cases: Screaming Eagle Heads: Screaming Eagle Cam(s): Screaming Eagle Lifters: H-D Carb: Fuel Injected Air Cleaner: High flow Sceaming Eagle Valves: H-D Pipes: Perfect Storm crushers made by Karyakyn TRANSMISSION Year:2009 Type:6 speed Modifications:I’m thinkin Shifting:6 speed Engine Sprocket: H-D Trans Sprocket: H-D Wheel Sprocket: H-D Clutch: H-D Primary Drive: Belt Gears: 6 speed Case: H-D PAINTING Molding: Three color combination with ghost flames in silver Harley orange and Vivid Black with eagle on sides Painter: Harley Davidson

Type:Screaming Eagle Colour:Screaming Eagle orange and black with ghost flames FRAME/SUSPENSION Swing arm Year: 2009 Builder: Screaming Eagle Harley-Davidson Type: Road Glide Rear Suspension: Air ACCESSORIES Bars: Pull backs Controls: H-D Fenders: Custom Headlight: Double head light Fairing: Stationary…the best Turn Signals: Smoked lenses Taillight: LED Electrics: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Mirrors: Custom Grips: Custom Speedometer: H-D Gauges: H-D Gas Tanks: H-D Foot Controls: YES Seat: Yes Front Pegs: Floor boards Rear Pegs: Floor boards Primary Cover: H-D FRONT END FORKS: H-D Type: H-D Year:2009 Triple Trees: H-D Special Features: CVO Motor WHEELS & FENDERS FRONT Size: 18 in Type: Mags Rim Width: 220 Tire: H-D Fenders: Nice Fender Struts: Chrome Brakes: Good ones REAR Size:18in Type:H-D Model: Collette

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 42

Well here it is 2015, another year flies by, for me 2014 was a good one. Left my 9-5 job, said adios to tyrannical bosses as well other downright negative influences and people. But all in all the right things stood the test of time for another year, family/friends/health and club brothers stuck together and moved on to bigger and better things. Hoping the same for all you that read The Riders Mag and its merry band of ink and paper wasters.

I rack my brain with it’s limited capacity to write interesting stuff, other than the usual “went to this club party and ate that stuff etc.” Jeez wouldn’t mind trading places with guys like Donny P, he sure lives it, I met one of his travelling brothers “Paul from the Schwa” as he is now known, and all the stuff that you read really does happen.

Although not to bitch it out, I have it pretty good, .a great club to hang with, I still get to go out and earn a few bucks playing music in various watering holes, a shiny Harvey Daleyson motorbike, that runs ok, and places to go and people to see.

Knock on wood tho my fellow hooligans and reprobates we for the most part are lucky to live in this here Canada, although it is changing rapidly and if you live in the big smoke (GTA) think back 30 years or more or look at your old class pictures in grade school all the kids were Johnny, Donnie, Jane or Mary. Now it’s Hoo Flung Poo or Bust-a-nut RamaRama Ding Dong, not that there’s anything wrong with that…LOL Best I avoid the depressing shit we deal with in this world, The Mag is not about that, but in general from the people I communicate with our Canadian Tolerance Tachometer is soon to redline, somehow can we turn the tide?

So what did we do over the last month, well the mighty Rangers MC had a Christmas party at a cool Hungarian restaurant and our young Jeff got bumped up. Victor and Laszlo picked this place and all people that worked there spoke Hungarian, I was worried that the ordering of food was done in their

Hello fellow inmates...

language, maybe they were going to tell them to charge us English speaking mooks double price on our bill. But my fears were unwarranted. I was very surprised at how little it cost for our chapter considering the mountains of very good food and drink we consumed.

I did make it down to Florida to stay a week in sunshine with my buddy Ricky who just happened to have 2 Harleys in his driveway (I was lucky enough to ride his bride Dana’s mint 07 Ultra, such a sweet bike). Ricky did his Florida version of Santa Claus and all the old people in the trailer park were wondering if this was the end of world (check out his duds, too funny).

We rode here an there in the Fort Myers area but we found a place called Pine Island, and to me that’s what Florida should be. Funky spots down on the water with lots of bars and actually some people under the age of a 100! I have never been to what is considered a retirement community, where everyone drives a full size Ford Crown Vic and can barely see over the steering wheel. But God bless ‘em they are enjoying their lives even tho they could rename Fort Myers “Deaths Waiting Room”.

Kidding here Ricky. Thanks again for the hospitality and the trips to Walmart to see some very strange humanoids riding in convoys on electric scooters.

Made it to the bike show in January and the spent the usual, 20 bucks to get in, 20 bucks for gas, 20 bucks for two beers and 20 bucks for two sandwiches. Down 80 beans and not even enough to left over to buy a helmet sticker. But I always go just see friends that show up, the Riders Mag Crew and our main man Crittter doing his best impression of a guy with energy of a 20 year old. I did get stroll around to see the sights. I spent some quality time with Beau (our Riders Mag man from Ottawa) and planning on a visit to his area this year to hook with those Celtic Men of the Green.

My plug of the month is for Oshawa 81 who have opened a store featuring their very own 81 support gear. Now those of you in Durham area and nearby are in the know, so head on down.It’s 899 Nelson Avenue in the south Scwha, look for their ads in future issues of the Riders Mag. Tell them you heard it here.

Ok what did I forget? Oh yah I almost pulled the trigger on a new scooter but circumstances prevented that from happening so I will be keeping the 06 till I find something that will turn me on enough to dip into the jar and part with the

by Dangerous Donnie from Durham

$. I was coveting a road glide (lately it seems they are the hot Harley to own) so prices for used R-G’s have shot up, and our dollar soon sinking to 80cents yankee is not helping.

But I will not turn my nose up at a good deal on an E-Glide.

On another note talking to some Indies I know they hinted that the 6 spd trannys 07 and up are breaking down a hell of a lot more than the old 5 spds on the Twinkies, so I will be doing some asking around if that is for real. As it’s not like the Factory is going to send out a warning eh? They have never admitted the pre 07 twinkie Cam Chain Tensioner issues that cost a lot of us bucks to replace with gear drives or HD hydraulic tensioner kits, but maybe it’s best I just ride the freaking things instead of commenting on mechanical stuff. Leave it to the experts.

So I leave you this month with the thought ”that if things don’t change around here they will most likely remain the same” (confusis say) or maybe it was some kush smoker that told me that. I cannot remember……

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THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 43

Bikers Church

For a good part of December I was forced to take it easy something I hate to do. The last of November while raking wet leaves I lost my footing possibly stepped into a hole and in the next moment found myself on the ground.

I started to regain my position and placing my right foot on the ground to stand I immediately felt pain. I crawled to my truck planning to drive home but due to the pain that was not an option. Called Karen but she did not have her cell phone, called a brother who came and drove me to the hospital. I complained of pain to my knee but he only had the ankle x-rayed, his instructions use a boot (air cast) for 4 days then remove it walk on it. After 2 weeks the pain was getting worse and the leg was swelling. Went to my Doctor who sent me for x-ray. He found the leg was broke about a 1 ½ below my knew but after walking on it the bones were in place so no operation was required but cast was from my toes to my knee. At Bikers Church – they laid hands on my leg and prayed. You asked what can prayer do. The surgeon told me due to the type of break 12 weeks in a cast and then a couple in a air cast. Three weeks in the cast, it was cut off and x-rayed and to his surprise he just could not believe what he saw, b lots of new bone mass so much he put a air cast on for 3 weeks and stated by then it would be healed. Wow with a little prayer my healing time was reduced by 6 weeks. I have worked to do to my bike so by the 2nd week of January it will be apart and if all goes well will be back together by the end of February. Raising the handlebars may take us up to April if the finances come in. But will be running one way or other ready for May 1st.

Does prayer work, I could tell you of riders being healed from Cancer, Diseases etc. I have seen bikers healed of heart disease, broken backs healings that make mine look small. I had the opportunity to pray over an old rag I carried in my bike for a biker I Knew, his daughter was in Sunnybrook Hospital in a special bed the she could be turned daily. Her dad took that rag in and got a ruler off the nurse and he shoved it down between her back and the cast. At the HHR ride this year her dad came to me with tears in his eyes with a young

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girl at his side and he explained to me when they removed the first cast of many she was to have, x-rayed her back, it revealed the break was fused, she was removed from the bed.

The Doctors put a brace as a precautionary to give the back addition support. Every time I recall it I break out in joyous tears. God had touched that girl. That day she gave me hug asked me to lift her shirt and low and behold my rag out of my bike (a little cleaner) was there between the brace and her back.

Often times when we are in pain, sick, affiliated with disease, cancer or other body problems we can turn to the Great Physician, Jesus Christ for healing. I believe Doctors also play a big part in healing; God gave them the education and knowledge to use available medicines to assist in the process. God has the power to make us better. Isaiah 53:6 But he was pierced, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him and by HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED. Matthew 8:8 but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. Matthew 8:16 Jesus went through all the towns and he drove out the spirits with a word and HEALED ALL THE SICK; Luke 9:11 He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing. Prayer is not to be religious form with no power. It is to be effective and accurate and bring results . God watches over His word to perform it Jer 1:12 Prayer is the living word in our mouths. Our mouth must speak forth faith, for faith is what pleases God Hebrews 11:6. We hold His word up to him in prayer, and our Father sees Himself in His Word. God’s word is our contact with him. It takes someone to pray.

God moves as we pray in faith-believing . He says that His eyes run to fro “Best Value UK Motorcycle Rental” throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong in behalf in those hearts are blameless toHim 2 Chron 16:9 Countries you can visit ward Countries you can visit We are blameless Eph offered include: We are Less than 40 Miles • -Services 1:4, We are his very -Fully Comprehensive Insurance with only a £500 excess from both London Gatwick -Servicing carried out by Authorised Harley-Davidson main dealer own children Eph 1:5.

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THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 44

Joke

method.

“Husband 6 was from Administration, he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

“Husband 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

“Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

“Husband 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

“Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........

God I miss him. “ But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited”.

“Wonderful”, said the husband, “but why?

“You’re with the “GOVERNMENT”..

This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.” WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to four-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

- Oscar Wilde I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (18441912)

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“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

- Groucho Marx An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.

It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements.

Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 45

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I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.

The difference between the Supreme Court and the Ku Klux Klan is that the members of the Supreme Court dress in black robes and scare white people.

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, “Is that Corona or Bud?” I said, “There’s a tap underneath; taste it and find out.”

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Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.

And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

“What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer?

That’s a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell.

Send him to me.”

“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”

God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

A real woman is a man’s best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...Sorry.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

“Really” she said, “Go on then...try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

“Come on, what day was I born”?

I said, “Yesterday.”

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, “Nice legs.”

The girl giggled and said with a smile, “Do you really think so.”

I said “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. “ When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

A young cowboy from Bearberry just outside of Calgary goes off to college in Ontario.

Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Waterloo that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” his Dad says.

“How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?”

“Just send him down here with $1,000” the young cowboy says.

“I’ll get him in the course.”

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way Financing Avaliable through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

Family Owned & Operated “So how’s Ol’ Blue doing son?” his Since 1958 father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this - they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

519-825-4222 “Read!?” says his father, “No kid-

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THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 46

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