The Rider's Mag January 2013-01 v14-n09

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

THE RIDER’S MAG Volume 14 #9

READ FREE!

Under New Management

January 2013

Biketoberfest Rockingwheel Poker Ride

ABATE Final Frontier

Joke Page

What’s Shaking Feature Bike

RIDE FREE!

We Support

Our Troops!!!

The Rider’s Guide to Southern Ontario and Beyond!! www.theridersmag.com

Welcome to the Riders Mag heres our Table of Contents Fighting for your Rights 2 (Scarry Larry states his case On the Road) 5 (The publisher grinds his axe) Joke pages (Time to Bust a Gut) 6 Cruising with Critter 8 (Out and about in Critter Country) What’s Shakin 12 (Your Guide to up and Coming Events) RNR Custom Cycle (Manon checks out the annual event.)

13 Rocking Wheel Poker Ride 17 (Tracy Wardle reports on a great ride for a great cause) Las Vegas Repo 18 (Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church 24 (Pastor speaks up.)

Danni's times 25 (A ladies perspective on an issue of respect.)

Biketoberfest 27 (Jon keeps on keeping on ) ABATE- The Final Frontier 30 (Critter enjoys the hospitality in Durham) Triple K Upholstery Open House 35 (Our man Rose checks out a great event)

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THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 1

Fighting For Your Rights With Scary Larry Police State? Hell Ya!! . . . If you’re a clubber or other visible minority!!

Latest example of ongoing police contempt for bikers recently surfaced in Lindsay. Back in 2011, one of our OCC member clubs, Kawartha Charity Riders, marched in the Lindsay Legion Remembrance Day Parade without any objections or concerns – totally different situation this year. The legion deemed that KCR participation would not be appropriate in 2012 due to objections raised by Lindsay Police Chief John Hagarty. The Chief notified the legion that Lindsay Police Services personnel would NOT march in the parade if it allowed KCR to also march as a local organization demonstrating respect for our military.

The main objection concerned KCR attire – motorcycle jackets, jeans and, of course, a vest sporting their club’s colours. The Chief also commented that he was concerned that some of his officers might be photographed. Omigawwd, horrors of horrors – it’s a paranoia outbreak when the doer’s bein’ done, Eh Ollie? Obviously this individual’s selfish, biased, and prejudicial actions completely ignore the countless veterans and active military personnel that have adopted the biker lifestyle - or the historical fact that many MC’s were originally established by returning WW2 vets. Just as obvious is his anal and callous disregard for the sorrow of others and their desire to display respect for our fallen heroes as part of their healing process.

IMHO this reinforces my conviction that most LEO’s, particularly those LEO’s in positions of command, view all bikers as criminals simply because of our demeanor and dress code.

Another smell permeating from this fiasco is that this LE bullying tactic placed undue stress on the legion at a time allocated for reflection and remembrance.

The Durham Regional Police Services recently conducted a series of public meetings to garner 2013 budgetary expenditure input from its ratepayers. I was invited by Hoss (Aces & Eights M.C.) to attend and perhaps gain some insight into the overly extravagant waste of public funds during my club’s pig roast this past July. Accompanied by Hoss and Hoover, we entered the meeting which was long on officials (the Mayor of Oshawa and a dozen LE representatives) and way short on citizenry but we were welcomed and managed to raise our concerns and questions regarding LE activities - particularly as it applies to intrusive and unnecessary pullovers. The first of my questions raised the issue of the wasteful attendance of two or sometimes three officers in order to input my paperwork? The Superintendant gave me a pat answer that perhaps the other officers were merely passing by and attended out of curiosity.

Ya right! Then I inquired - what was the protocol when DRP attended a Biker Enforcement Unit road block like the one set up to harass

CONTINUED ON PAGE 4

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Fighting for Your Rights with Scary Larry attendees arriving at our pig roast? And I went on to underline my point by asking – everyone understands that off-duty officers are paid for assisting with events such as mall openings etc and I inquired if DRP invoiced the BEU for requesting and utilizing paid duty officers? This line of inquiry created one of those awkward pauses that momentarily stalled the dialogue.

The Superintendant admitted that it was a reciprocal event and that LE typically did not invoice for requested manpower assistance. This comment prompted other input from my companions that perhaps these were areas which begged either a reduction in the numbers of attending police personnel or, at the very least, a significant decline in unwarranted street checks. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions Ollie, regarding the answers, but ya better believe there were no earth-shakin’ revelations.

The Metro Toronto Police Services, bowing to pressure citing racial discrimination regarding their random police vehicular street check program, have decided to issue ‘receipts’ detailing the event in an effort to explain the rationale behind stopping a particular vehicle. I have studied the reports concerning the plan to issue these ‘receipts’ but have yet to discover any reference that this policy would also apply to bikers that experience non-criminal encounters with LE. Nevertheless, I believe this ‘receipt’ plan will assist us in our efforts to quell this ongoing discriminatory action by causing LEO’s to rethink this strategy as, I presume, they will have to include their officer information on the ‘receipt’. The OCC would then be able to include these ‘receipts’ as an addition to the statistics derived from our own OCC Harassment Form - thereby adding an undeniable and indisputable extra element essential to our publishing of any future report. While there are zero stats when it comes to random biker street checks, the Toronto Star reports that black men were 3.2 times more likely to be stopped than white men. Mmmmm, it’ll probably be the MF’r of all statistical gaps when they start comparing patch holders vs motorcyclists in general, Eh Ollie? While this policy is being adopted by the MTPS, it is my sincere hope that all Police Services in Ontario will eventually be mandated to issue ‘receipts’.

The backlash created by these random non-criminal street checks is heightening public awareness of this discriminatory practice; Mike Leitold, a member of the Law Union of Ontario, recently told the Toronto Star - “I think many judges agree that detaining individuals for the purpose of requiring ID is unlawful. I think it’s unconstitutional and a violation of people’s rights.” There is progress and we are finding some unsolicited allies due to the fallout created by the expansion of these disturbing tactics - but necessity sometimes creates strange bedfellows. Perhaps we may yet enjoy a reduction in random street checks once we embark on the 2013 riding season? I am hopeful but remember to document any discriminatory LE encounter and get it to the OCC for our data base. Email to

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 4

secretary@occ4u.org or bring it with you to an OCC general meeting. Or give it to me or any of my guys and I will see that it is recorded. Remember, you don’t have to be a clubber to join the OCC as an independent member. Interested individuals can visit www.occ4u.org where you’ll find all the info and membership application.

Good news for the brothers of the Downtown Chapter . . . a recent court decision has ruled that any personal memorabilia including jewelry, belt buckles and clothing be returned to the members. The ruling will prove useful and important in establishing personal property rights going forward.

Scary Larry

a

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On the Road

I said i wanted to retire, i said i was tired after 14 years at the helm, i said i wanted to spend quality time with my family, i havn’t completely got there yet but i did spend a little quality time to celebrate the ending and beginning if that makes any sense. I feel relieved and stressed at the same time but like all symptoms it will go away with time.

I am really looking forward to more freedom and less responsibility, not having to show up at every deadline anymore while at the same time still being able to hang out when i feel like it at various events and getting out and meeting people when we hit the road to do feature shoots and lady shoots alike. Yes i have said it before we are still doing this and Critter did ask me to be the keeper of the list so i still have the list of mens and ladies feature bikes.

We managed to sqeeze in enough shoots to carry us through this winter and spring but we will be out there beginning in april getting shoots done, no longer do we have conflicts with deadlines, events or any of that kind of stuff that used to make scheduling even more difficult that before so we are planning trips to the southwestern Ontario area as we have some applicants out that way and on the way but we do have room for more so if you wanna get on the list we can set you up.

I have a few folks east of Toronto who have been waiting along time to have their shoots done because of one dick who never should have been on the list in the first place, but it happens from time to time so a few more bikes in the Oshawa to Peterborough area would be a benefit to so guys and gals if you wanna get your names on the list do it in the next few months as we are gearing up for some road trips to do some shoots.

we can always work these into the schedule as well, so get yourself onto the list.

Geez you;d think it was my only job anymore eh? Send us a pic of your bike so we know how to classify it and get it onto the proper list along with your contact info inlcuing at least one phone # and an email address, multiple phone #’s Blackberry messenger, text messages, etc are all bonuses, the point being the more ways we have to get ahold of you the easier it is to schedule you.

So enough about that, i am excited to see the mag come out since i had almost no involvement in the production of all the new publications, it was not what i expected and was a little stressfull at first but i have had the utmost love and respect for critter over all these years now that i wouldn;t have handed it over if i didn;t have faith but i have found my faith tested a little.

I expect to be around at some of the shows of course assuming i get invited and we are given passes to get in the door, and i do plan to continue riding in some of my favorite events which generally involve long rides multiple stops and a good cigar on a sunny day. So i look forward to seeing you out there on the road.

As for all you folks that are local to the Hamilton nigara area don;t be shy we always like locals who come to us and with family in the peninsula and travelling with our oldies we are often out doing shoots in combination with family outings so

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Serving Southern Ontario THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 5

JOKE PAGE An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather, Abdullah, in a nursing home. All the local Arab facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian one. After a few weeks, they came to visit Grandpa. “How do you like it here?” asked the grandson. “It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” said Grandpa. “We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone else.” “Oh no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,” Abdullah said with a big smile. “There’s a musician here, he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years but everyone still calls him Maestro! There’s a judge over there, he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour! There’s a dentist here, 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor! Me? I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me The Fucking Arab.”“Turtle” A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. ‘Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!’ ‘I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there!’ ‘If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!’ she replied. ‘He’s gota hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!’ So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the

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town’s annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?’ one asked. ‘Oh yes!’ he replied, gasping in air. ‘It feels so wonderfully free!’ Another runner moved a long side.

‘Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?’ ‘Oh, yes’ our friend answered breathlessly. ‘That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!’ Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, ‘Do you always wear a condom when you run?’ ‘Nope.. just when it’s raining.

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi got together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.

And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.

He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

IN CASE YOU DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF TRIVIA, ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 6

CONTINUED ON PAGE 10

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 7

Cruising with Critter

(Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald, Recently, Reduced, Revamped,

Rejuvenated, Reshaped and Revitalized, Roving Reporter (formerly known as the Rotund Roving Reporter).

Well brothers and sisters, friends and family, and loyal readers and supporters of the Mag, this is it, my first kick at the cat as Publisher of the Riders Mag. I have some big shoes to fill and I’m going to give it my best shot.

This isn’t really my background and some of it is very overwhelming right now, to say the least but I believe I’m up to the task.

I may stumble and bumble a bit by I will get there.

Please be patient.

I never came on board to get to this stage in the game, it just sort of unfolded that way and time will tell if it was the right move or the worst mistake that I or JR has made in respect to the Mag.

I have enlisted the help of some friends to get me set up with computers, networks, setting up the office to better handle things.

Clive who has always helped me with computers and everything and anything electronic, joined with Al and Dan to get the computers all set up and talking to each other as they should and Peppermint Patty came on to work me through the program that we will be using to do layout.

It is a different program than what JR used but it is allegedly, more compatible with what the printer uses.

That remains to be proven.

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(Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald, Recently, Reduced, Revamped,

Rejuvenated, Reshaped and Revitalized, Roving Reporter (formerly known as the Rotund Roving Reporter).

This project along with fracturing my ankle in my shop a few weeks ago has somewhat cramped my normal routine and between trying to sort through this stuff and visits to the Dr.’s office, x rays and such takes up most of my time.

But why just have a job when you can have an adventure?

I got a call that Bear, one of the Apocalypse MC members’ son, 17 year old Sean had a fall while working on a barn roof.

The accident left Sean paralyzed from the waste down.

The accident, while certainly devastatingly for Sean, effected the entire family.

It certainly threw Bears World into a frenzy, with staying down in the city, to be there for Sean.

For an online library of this and other columns and cartoons along with an archive of pictures from events covered by Critter check out www.rickdavis.ca.

THE RIDERS MAG -----PAGE 9

JOKE PAGE THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, “THAT’S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,” WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD

BY MILLIONS.* BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - “GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY”. MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL

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SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - ‘GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY’ STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED. ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR’S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY “SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU’LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON !”

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered; I always call him “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent.

Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”Yep, it’s the golden years.“ Turtle A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 10

JOKE PAGE Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked . . . “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

One day, shortly after joining the PG A tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas ,Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked,” Excuse me, do you speak English ?” Lee responded, “ Yes Ma’am, I do “ The lady then asked, “ What do you charge to do yard work ? “ Lee said, “ Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her “. The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other scribes copy the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that the monks are all copying from other copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Abbot to question this, pointing out that if a scribe made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! Any error would be continued in all subsequent copies. The Abbot replies, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” The Abbot decides

to check so descends into the dark caves deep below the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault ...which has been unopened for centuries!

Hours go by and nobody sees the venerable old Abbot...

Our young monk was worried so went down to find him.

He finds him banging his head against the wall, wailing.

“We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !” His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. Our young monk asks the old Abbot, “What’s wrong, Father?” In a choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was...”CELEBRATE !!!”

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of my last Colonoscopy; I decided to have my next one done while visiting friends in San Francisco.! Where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure. “Don’t worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” the nurse told me. “I haven’t got an erection,” I replied. “No, but I have,” replied the nurse.

Lesson: Don’t get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.

I am seeing 5 gentlemen (give or take) every day!. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 11

WHAT’S SHAKIN WEEKLY EVENTS EVERY MONDAY Frankie’s in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)679-3778

EVERY SUNDAY Frankie’s Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778

EVERY TUESDAY Frankie’s in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778

JAN 4th-6th North American International Motorcycle Supershow at the International Centre in Toronto for more info please call 1- 888661-7469

EVERY WEDNESDAY Frankie’s Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more info please call (905)679-3778 EVERY THURSDAY Frankie’s in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)6793778 EVERY FRIDAY Frankie’s Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 EVERY SATURDAY Frankie’s Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and Karaoke (905)679-3778

Celebrating 67 Years of Motorcycling

JAN 26 Hip’s 25th Anniversary Open House 10-4 for more info please call 519 756-6218 FEB 8th-10th World of Motorcycle Expo in London at the Western Fair Agriplex for more info please call (519)851-5339 FEB 24th Big Al’s Annual Swap Meet at the Dundas Community Center 10 Market Street 10am-3pm for more info please call (905)7467077

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wellandmotorcycleclub.com wellandmotorcycleclub.com wellandmotorcycleclub.com THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 12

RNR Custom Cycle Customer Appreciation Day and Open House

by Manon Kellman It’s amazing how time flies by, already a year and here I am again at RNR Customer Appreciation Day. Feels like I haven’t left; same day, almost same temperature and same schedule.

But in reality, I haven’t seen Frances and Ryan in many months.

The weather on that Saturday morning was quite cool, but the sun was shining. I left the house at 10:00 and arrived on site 10 minutes later and already many people were enjoying the Tim Horton’s coffee and donuts. What a relief it was to see this wonderful coffee - I hadn’t had one all week; not because I am trying to quit, but because I was too lazy to go and buy some.

Once again, Frances and Ryan outdid themselves to make everyone feel welcome and right at home in there immaculate shop and store. This is one of the cleanest businesses I have ever set foot in, not only because of the Open House but at all times. Your bike is and will be treated with great care and will not be subject to an untidy environment where tools are lying everywhere, oil all over the floors, etc. Ryan had many of his custom built bikes outside for everyone to admire and also to purchase. Frances had set up a table inside the store with goodies to be won and many items were on sale. Everyone that arrived was treated as a member of their family, you never feel out of place or unwelcomed.By 11:00, the food on the BBQ was ready and it really did smell good. I did not eat, but one customer did mention that the hot-dog was amazing

and I am sure it was. The same cook as last year was on duty... might need to hire him for my BBQ’s.Here, at RNR, you can get your bike fixed or you can get Ryan to build you a custom bike.

Ryan is a Harley Phd. Trained Mechanic and he is recognized by the International Bike Builders Association as a Master Bike Builder II. If you are only looking for parts, they offer an extensive list from various manufacturers such as: Arlen Ness, Corbin, Harley Davidson, Kuryakyn, Vance & Hines and many more. Here is their website address, it is worth the visit: www. rnrcustomcycle.com. Christmas is just around the corner; RNR is a great place to start your Christmas shopping either for someone else or just to treat yourself!See you same time and same place next year.

Manon

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CARD # ______________________ EXP DATE ___________ CARDHOLDER SIGNATURE __________________________

1111 DAVIS DRIVE, SUITE 501, UNIT 23 NEWMARKET, ON. L3Y 9E5

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 13

JOKE PAGE John. Then Arthur Ritis shows up & stays the rest of the day.

He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I’m really tired & very glad to go to bed with Earl Grey. What a life! Oh, yes, I’m also flirting with Al Zymer; Or whatever his name is. I forget ! And I’m thinking of calling JACK DANIELS, Jim Beam, or JOHNNY WALKER to come over and keep me company. Now remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper.....the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.So have fun, think ‘good thoughts’ only, Learn to laugh at yourself, and ‘count your blessings!!!

``Ride by the gun shop I want to see if my Husband stiil gets Jealous.``

What a great Show n Shine for 2012 On behalf of the Black Hawks Motorcycle Club, Hamilton we would like to say a sincere thank you to all of our sponsors for making our Show n Shine 2012 a great success.

• Classic Leathers • On the Fringe • Reb Felker • Albert Skeates • Terry Moe • Bob Hampson • Sandy & Bud Jenkins • Jim Broome • Jim Wilkinson • Brass Pole

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 14

• Frankies’s Bar & Grill Mt. Hope • Hips Cycle H Brantford • Claire’s HD Niagara • Charles Jones Nanticoke • Rocky’s HD London • D&D Diner Jarivs • Wiggies Caldonia • Poole’s Hamilton • Boston Pizza Brantford/Simcoe

*THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER***Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.”Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. “How long will this take?” I ask.“They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies. I stopped. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?” Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your ass didn’t it?”He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.*Stupid, stupid man.* A husband walks into a shop to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs

CONTINUED ON PAGE 16

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 15

JOKE PAGE the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’ She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, ‘Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!’ He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin

590 York Rd. Niagara on the Lake, ON

This Woman Has More Guts Than a Sausage Factory. Take a look at this film. Fabulous footage, although grainy due to time and bad equipment in those days compared to today, but what nerve this gal had. Gladys Ingles was a member of a barnstorming troupe called the 13 Black Cats in the 1920s. Ingles was a wing walker; in this film, she shows her fearlessness in classic barnstorming fashion to save an airplane that has lost one of its main wheels. Ingles is shown with a wheel being strapped to her back and then off she goes as “Up She Goes,” a duet from the era, provides the soundtrack. In the film, Ingles transfers herself from the rescue plane to the one missing the main landing gear tire. She then expertly works herself down to the 905-684-4647 undercarriage only a few feet from a spinning prop. It’s certainly a feat many mechanics wouldn’t even try on the ground with the engine running. She died at 82….

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A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the Front Desk and asked for a room....He said, ‘This heerza special ‘casion -- our honeymoon-- and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.’ The clerk winked -- ‘You want the ‘Bridal’?’ The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, ‘Nope, reckon not. Guess I’ll jist hold on to her ears til she gits used to it.’

I don’t know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

To whom this may concern Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 16

CONTINUED ON PAGE 20

ROCKIN WHEEL POKER RIDE For Spinal Cord Research (August 18, 2012)

By Tracey Wardle

“When Kenny was just 17, he was checked from behind during a hockey game. That check, put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. When most people would give up, Kenny didn’t. In 2005 with the help of friends and family he called on some local bands to come and do an event in our small town and from that “Rockin Wheel” was born. This year was our 7th Annual event. To date we have raised over $150,000 for research.

In 2009 a friend of Kenny’s and avid Motorcyclist Frank Heuvel (99 Sportster owner and proud of it) wanted to do something to help raise money and so “Rockin Wheel Poker Ride” hit the streets.

This was the 4th Annual ride for Spinal Cord Research. This year we welcomed Rob and Sara Beaupre to help head the organization of the ride along with Frank. This year’s event was held on August 18, 2012 in Mt. Brydges, ON and only cost each rider $20, this included entry into the Main Event. We had 28 bikes this year and a few riding “Bitch” to help raise $670.00 towards the cause.

Each year, since the Poker Ride started our local Tim Horton’s has supplied the Bikers with fresh coffee while they wait to head ut.

This year’s ride headed out of Mt. Brydges at noon, the trip took the them up to Wallaceburg and back through Glencoe where they stop for a card draw and some refreshments then home to Mt. Brydges just in time to take part in the Main Event “Rockin Wheel #7.”

The afternoon and evening event showed close to 4000 people that rocked Mt. Brydges with Music by “Lifeline” “Dry County” “Bleeker ridge” “Eleven past One” “Two Crown King” and to end off the evening “The Trews” For a small community, Mt. Brydges really knows how to ROCK”.

Thank you to all of our supporters. Without you this would not be possible! Follow us on our Facebook Group “Rockin Wheel Poker Ride” for next year’s event details and right here in “The Riders Mag”

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 17

Las Vegas Repo

This month's feature guy is Kevin from Hamilton, Kevin is a talented fellow who has a wide range of skills and has worked at an amazing assortment of vocation over the years saying that he was a motorcycle mechanic back in the 90’s working at a local metric dealership. He rode a wide variety of motorcycles over a period of 32 years before he actually bought his first Harley-Davidson motorcycle but with his various licenses and tickets to perform a variety of tasks you can imagine that he fixes much of what he owns and rides.

He had sent us a picture of a very interesting Briggs and Stratton motorcycle that Kevin had built himself from scratch saying that it is also street legal and he rides it to Port Dover for Friday the 13ths once in a while. Kevin has to be in a particular mood as he finds that he is unable to escape the motorcycle or the gawkers who want to ask questions about his home built ride which includes all the cowling covers of the engine chrome plated, all street legal lights, signals, brakes etc. If you have seen his Briggs and Stratton in Dover you know what I am talking about.

Well of course I

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 18

told him that although a Briggs and Stratton home build would be interesting we are a Harley-Davidson enthusiast publication and we limit our feature space to American built V-twin motorcycles whether they carry a factory serial number or special construction tag it matters not to us as long as it has one or the other. I asked him if he had a Harley and he sent me off pictures of his 2006 Dyna Wide Glide motorcycle which I put onto my feature list telling him I would have a look at his other creation when we got around to the glide which would be a little while as our stock evo and twin cam list was quite long at the time.

We had been scrambling this past fall to get all the shoots done that were necessary to ensure we had feature bikes for all the cold weather issues on file and one or two lady shoots also on file as despite starting our ladies feature in May each year the book

Las Vegas Repo peanut flame job.

He pulled the front end off powder coating the lower legs and the front rim, he machined the hub himself and dropped it off to A.L. Choppers for lacing with chrome spokes which is something that requires tremendous patience and a lot of time on your hands or a particular talent to be able to do this job with authority.

The more he horsed around with his sporty the more he enjoyed riding it but it still was lacking that punch that he was looking for so after consulting Adam at A.L. Choppers he purchased and had them install a 1200 conversion to the bike saying he kept the factory barrels and pistons all oiled and wrapped for storage to return the bike to stock if he should ever desire to do so or if he blows up the 1200 conversion.

It was almost where he wanted it to be performance wise but he just needed that one last tweak and it was changing the gearing at the output gear on the goes to press in mid April so it's still kinda chilly. We had a few stops and starts as I tried to juggle our workload, family, babysitter, feature bikes and bikers in 3 different regions around Toronto.

During this melee I had been trying to schedule Kevin's wide glide onto my list as he was getting close and when we hit the road to do shoots and get all the moving parts to sync up we like to get 2 – 3 shoots per day, while conversing with him I learned that not only did he have a wide glide and Briggs and Stratton custom job but he had later acquired an 883 Sportster from a friend who was hard up for cash.

It was genius for me as we had just lost our January Sportster due to a babysitting snafu and needed a bike, here was the bike I needed and this guy was willing to take time off work or anything else necessary to get this bike shoot done, wrangling the barmaid from a block away to pose on the bike we headed over late afternoon to do the shoot.

Kevin's buddy was laid off from work at one of the local steel mills which is pretty par for the course around here and he had a 2002 883 Sporty from Las Vegas that had been repossessed and he had been storing it outdoors and needed cash in a hurry. Kevin scooped the bike up for his wife who upon seeing it at home announced that she hated it and did not want to ride it.

Well he says the bike ran awesome but definitely lacked in looks so he rode it a little bit and parked it to decide what he was gonna do with it now that his wife had declared she did not want it.

He says that early on he got a set of Rhinehart slip on glass packs and cut off the drag pipes, repainted the fenders in his back yard spray painting them flat black. He dropped the gas tank off to A.L. Choppers in town for a paint job and Adam shipped the tank off to Denis for a classic

back of the transmission. This was done last year just before Friday the 13th and he had some friends down from the Sudbury area who had never been before and they wanted to head out early and he said screw that I don’t wanna go in that early I'll catch up later he told them.

He was having a less than stellar day and was just a little pissed off so he decided that he was gonna ride the sporty as he was in no mood to talk to a bunch of gawkers and onlookers about his custom Briggs and Stratton so he flew down on the sporty in the afternoon in search of his pals. Finding them he led the way out of town and he says he couldn't figure out why they were always so far behind him, they were riding on side roads in the Nanticoke area and he finally slowed down and asked em what their problem was, they said were gong 110 km/hr and it's an 80 your flyin, it was then that it dawned on him that he had not really rode with anyone or in traffic since changing that last gear which had knocked his speedo out of whack which he had recalibrated immediately.

Kevin had a lot of cool things goin on at his place and I look forward to getting back over there sometime down the road to get his shoot done on that wide glide and maybe just maybe if we ever have space in the mag we’ll write a little something on that Briggs and Stratton he built himself.

THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 19

JOKE PAGE If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 20

Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex... #10. A below par performance is considered damn good. #9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #8. It’s much easier to find the sweet spot. #7. Foursomes are encouraged. #6. You can still make money doing it as a senior. #5. Three times a day IS possible. #4. Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. #3. If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day. #2. You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex... #1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

th

5

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FOR INFO CALL (905) 651-5233 www.forteriemotorcycleswapmeet.com THE RIDERS MAG ----- PAGE 21

JOKE PAGE anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’ The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’ Giuseppe proudly replied, “ I gonna go pick her up.”

An 78-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’ The next day the 78year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. ‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. ‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’ The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’ The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds 2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do 3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage 4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with 5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate 6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets 7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living 8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist 9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does 10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money 11. MISTY: How golfers create divots 12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower 14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm 15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with 16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring 18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife 19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 22

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official-!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws’ WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’

CREATION A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! !

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JOKE PAGE are not equipped for these kinds of contests.God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together..

Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anonymous The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, “What does a woman want?”

Dumas

CONTINUED ON PAGE 33

OK I think I’ll head for home......Uh...What I meant to say was I’ll buy my round then head for home!

WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’

Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’ Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’ So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .’HEBREWS’ The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM. He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’ Men

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 23

Biker Church with Pastor Ken

Las Vegas Repo Owner: Kevin City: Hamilton, ON General Year & Make: 2002 Model: Xl1200C Assembly by: Owner Value: Unknown Engine Year: 2002 Model: XL1200 Builder: Owner / A.L. Chopper Displacement: 1200 c.c.

Lower end: H-D Pistons: 1200 c.c. Big Bore Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: 1200 c.c. Big Bore Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: Andrews Lifters: Andrews Ignition: H-D Coils/Wires: Accel Carb: Mikuni re-jetted Air Cleaner: K & N Pipes: Reinhart Transmission Year: 2002 Type: 5 Speed Shifting: foot Trans Sprocket: Huge Clutch: H-D Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Hot Rod Flames Painter: Dennis Special Paint: Flat Black Fenders by Owner Frame Builder: H-D Year: 2002 Type: XL

Rake: H-D Stretch: None Swing Arm: H-D Rear Suspension: Progressive Accessories Handlebars: XL Risers: H-D Controls: H-D Seat: Solo Signals: H-D Front, Custom Chrome rear Tailight: LED Cats Eye Oil Tank: H-D w/temp guage Gas Tank: H-D Front Pegs: Custom Chrome Rear Pegs: none Foot Controls: H-D Forward Electrics: H-D Grips: Generic Mirrors: Custom Chrome Headlight: H-D Blacked out Speedometer: H-D Primary Cover: H-D w/chrome Derby Cover Front End Type: Showa 35mm Year: 202 Builder: Owner Extension: None Wheels Front Size: 19” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brake: H-D Fender: Stock Rear Size: 16” Type: Disc Tire: Dunlop Brakes: H-D Fender: Dyna Model: Danielle

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Forgive Your Enemies but Don’t Forget Their Names. Is this the way we should be?

Many of us have helmet stickers that either reflect something of who we are, what we believe, or are just plain funny. You know what I'm talking about; they are conversation pieces and personalize our lids. One of my stickers is the title sentence, forgive your enemies but don't forget their names.

Does that sound a little hypocritical for a Church Pastor? I don't think so and I'll tell you why shortly. The answer lies in the true meaning of forgiveness and still surviving in a somewhat Godless society.

Meanwhile, I've been enjoying meeting a lot of different people, a lot of club and non club guys and their ladies, partly due to being an O.C.C. member (thanks to the leaders who volunteer their time to run this great organization!). So far, I have made no enemies in the biker community. In fact I've made an uncountable pile of friends that I would not do without!

Surprisingly enough, I have found that most of the ones I would class as enemies, the ones that Jesus told us to forgive, are family and co-workers! Isn't that true? Yeah, some clubs have to say goodbye to a member who may leave on bad terms or correct one who isn't following the rules but isn't it usually family or a guy you work with that gives you the most grief (sometimes the boss)?

This makes forgiving people even harder as we look at Jesus' teaching about forgiveness. In Matthew 18:22 He said to forgive people an unlimited number of times. I Luke 6:27 He says to love your enemies! At times this is nearly impossible but I have learned to not just do what Jesus says but also to do what He does. Many times, His enemies were closing in on Him to kill Him because they didn't like His message and He walked away and distanced Himself from the conflict. I copied this when I had some brother in law trouble and stayed out of jail! The Spirit seemed to be saying, shake his hand and just walk away. You might be surprised at what letting go of hate feels like.

You know, I have to forgive some people just for my own mental health and time does the rest in most cases.

Jesus had a good system for healing relationships. Many of us have had some crummy experiences with church people (me included) and I know that if you are still reading this, you still have a little bit of faith in God left, somewhere. I want you to take a few seconds and ask God to make sure that there is still room for you in His kingdom. Let go of hate and trust in His love for you. There is still a place for you.

DANNI’S TIMES Happy New Years!

January is approaching and I believe winter will be light and over real quick.....A little hesitant at finally taking the battery out, the weather has not really been that bad..You never know when a day will just happen out of the blue... being positive..

Starting the New Year with bringing in some information that I believe to be quite disconcerting..disturbing..to say a few words about it..

What does Remembrance Day mean?

I started a Joke..Bee Gees Lyrics In this country I had always believed we were free and proud to be Canadians..

Something is all wrong here..

On November 11th..at Old City Hall, several thousand people lined up in front of the Cenotaph to pay homage to Vets who served in World War II, Korean and Afghanistan. The Veterans were ranging in ages from 28 years old to 9o years. The time frame being shown here helped us to maintain our freedom..They fought for all the people..all races, all creeds, for everyone..

What happened in front of all these Veterans on this glorious warm day was like spitting in each one of their faces. The behavior was disgusting..The very people who tried hard to disgrace this ceremony are the very people who should be thanking our country for the opportunity to live here, be educated and experience the freedom of speech..and this is their freedom of expression.. The war dead gave them that right—and the right of many women in Afghanistan to attend school and have a chance at a free life. These two Ladies shouted slogans in the midst of

the two minute silence being observed for the war dead..

They are both students of York University. After the awful chants they opened up a banner condemning Canadian troops for killing Taliban terrorists in the 2006 Operation Medusa.. Twelve Canadian Soldiers died in that battle.

However for these two women who were nether born in Canada or came here as children from Afghanistan, the battle of Panjwaii some 30 kilometers west of Kandahar City, the enemy was not the Taliban----it was Canada..

I started a joke, which made the whole world crying, but I didn’t see that the joke was on me..

The two cannot be arrested for treason, but to the men and women of the 1st Battalion, 3rd Special Forces Group and the 2nd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment who fought in Operation Medusa, is it possible they could think different?

It wasn’t just this banner that was disgusting nor the disruption during the two-minute silence with profanities that were provocative, it was the action they took on the internet, leading up to and after November 11th that deserve our attention even further. One of them shared a poster on Facebook that said, “ F---- K The Troops “. Also after a brief match at the ceremony, one of these Muslim students described her encounter..this is a mortified remark- her description of the senior citizens who had come to remember their war dead as a mob of old white men.

These Muslim students are a disgrace to Canada..Why they did it, These two Afghanistan Canadian Citizens did

Hamilton Biker's Church is moving to the Church of the Nazarene (downstairs) 92 Ottawa Street North, Jan. 3, 2013 Services 7pm Thursdays 905-870-8584 www.hamiltonbikerschurch.com THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 25

DANNI’S TIMES this because, there is no honor in Remembrance Day...

Many people believe we can’t do anything to stop people from desecrating the graves of our fallen soldiers other than to remember them and hang on to what they died for..

I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes.

And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from the things that I’d said.

This year’s Remembrance Day event should show us to the danger of not standing up to political ideology, period...These students should be exposed for who they are: hate mongers who have misunderstood Canadians’ civility for cowardice....

Oh, if I’d only seen, of yea Taking you up to Lindsay now and lets talk about their Remembrance Day. The issue of not allowing a motorcycle group participate in a parade...has this world gone completely crazy.?

Who does not know Rick Gibson and The Kawartha Charity Riders ?...Anyone who rides up north around Peterborough knows them..They are a bunch of friendly bikers who are always willing to support a charity event.

Oh, if I’d only seen, oh yea Here is someone wanting to stand tall with their Veterans and proudly walk beside them..And challenges become involved..Crazy actions here..because we all need to work at helping to preserve Remembrance Day, not tear it apart..

Everyone has the right..to attend a Remembrance Day Parade..How can we all stand here and not see we need

help on educating the new citizens of our country to leave their war behind because our Canadian soldiers have helped to fight for their freedom..

There should be a mandatory part of their Citizen Oath where it is mandatory they are showing respect for their new country and for what this country stands for...

Now to the ladies who tried hard to stop the Remembrance Day ceremonies..they should be made to somehow make restitution to the community. But just a minute, we first must find out, are they even paying for their education here.

I started a joke which started the whole world crying.

Now projecting to June, 2013 and there’s a motorcycle ride to Centennial Park in Trenton.. The Heroes Highway Ride.....There will be thousands of motorcycles riding along the stretch of 401 to show honor which thank god, still exists...This country needs help...

I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes, Now very sad news..We here in Toronto have lost one of our soldiers who was living on the streets, his name, Arthur Louttit. He served in the military from 2005 to 2008. Just lately he found out he was entitled to Veteran’s Housing. He wrote a song, Soldier in the Sun.. This is real sad news.. A salute for a soldier who fought for us...

Oh, if I’d only seen, oh yea.

The 55 year-old bottle of scotch from the Glenfiddich Janet Sheed Roberts reserve fetched $52,000. All of this money will go to the Wounded Warriors fund to help wounded Canadian soldiers and their family...

Oh, if I’d only seen, oh yea.

Over 100 used

Financing Avaliable Family Owned & Operated Since 1958

Wheatley, 519-825-4222 THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 26

I hope everyone has had a great Holiday season and hope you will visit our booth in January to buy a calendar off us...All to Prostate Cancer...

Here’s to a great 2013..I hope I can tell you Santa dropped by and gave me a new bike or filled my stocking with lots of chrome..

Drop By

Biketoberfest

By Jon

We all wanted it. It’s why we put $20 dollars towards a ticket. It was a brown kind of colour, and dark bronze with tribal flames. It had better stereo. It had a lot of chrome. It was 110 cubic inches of raw unbridled sheer freedom. It was a hotter, darker, more sinister looking version of the 105th anniversary colour Street Glide. And we wanted it.

You wanted it. I wanted it. There were even some of us who wanted it just because it was everything we ever wanted in a motorcycle. However you rationalize the reasons why we bought the tickets towards this Fenwick Biketoberfest raffle bike, we bought the tickets - because we wanted that motorcycle!

2012

behind the back, she didn’t do magic, she simply dug her hand in to the barrel of tickets, stirred it around in there a bit, on random grasping a ticket, and she pulled it out, she pulled out another, and one more. The first was the winner of the bike, the second was the second prize, and the third was the third prize.

Playing damn nice live rock, as loud as it gets, was the bands ‘More Bad News’, and the ‘Horns from Hell’. As

The day was, to put it mildly, “Glorious”. It was perfect.

Mid-September, bright sun, T-Shirt weather. You didn’t get the invitation? You didn’t read all the previous magazines throughout the years that clearly showed how this event has been increasing in popularity? You never heard of Fenwick before? You don’t know they raffle a unique Harley Davidson every year since 2003? What does it take? Fenwick is the place that the Lyons of Fenwick have settled in, and Biketoberfest is Bruce Bissell’s dream come to reality, with the sensible nod of approval from the Fenwick Lyons back in 2003. Have you ever been to an Ontario HOG rally? You know, with thousands of bikes parked in a parking lot, in a dozen lines that go on forever in either direction? That’s what was parked, out on the hard packed grass, in the back fields beyond the 52 vendors, and the event grounds.

OK, this goes to all the neigh sayers, the misery guts, all those who believe in conspiracies, Baksheesh, back handers, you scratch my back I give you a Harley - those people who haven’t won squat, and have to be rude about it. The barrel was see-through. We could all see the tickets in there. 3 or 4 thousand bikers stood about, at all angles, watching Heather Ireland approach the barrel, come nowhere close to anyone else, she had no tickets in her hand, she wasn’t handed any tickets

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 27

Biketoberfest

By Jon

before, the paved parking had the most number of vendors in it, with large bus-trailer bike retailer combinations out front – ‘Stoney Creek Chopers’ has a bright red and silver California style chopper for $17,500, the Biker’s Rights Organization of Niagara was here, Clare’sHarley Davidson (of course) had several vendor tents set up, and the remaining tickets for the Biketoberfest raffle bike were selling fast right up to the advertised deadline.

In the parking lot, Tim Pearson of Triple K Upholstery was there, Ron Johnston of ‘Purple slice clean wax & polish’ had a stand, Ed Van Rosum of ‘Tons of Bike Gear’ with kickstands, helmets and such, the North Wall Riders Association had a banner and table, the Brass Pole was here (of course).

I was expected to do the Ride of the Flags on Friday evening, riding out of old Clare’s on Hwy 20 in Fenwick at 6pm. If you missed my story about it, that was the sentence that explained it. If you wanted the whole story on the Niagara HOGs Dice Run ride in from Thorold, there were 115 bikes ride in with Heather Ireland and the guys, she will be broadcasting the thing on Biker TV, and ‘Toad’ won a Harley clock with a 6 dice toss of 33. Maybe I haven’t said anything about the show and shine yet.

Hold on to your panties ladies and gents, here it all comes.

Have you done a 50/50 recently at some bike event? How much money did it generate? 80 bucks? A hundred? Two hundred? Three? Four? Consider this, the third place winner of the Biketoberfest draw got $500. The second place winner got $1000. Margaret Boisvert spent $60 on 50/50 tickets, and won $1,588. There’s got to be a shit load of people at an event to

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 28

2012

generate that kind of support for 50/50 tickets, and hey? If you missed it? That’s a serious win there folks. The bikes in the show and shine were judged by the LCMC (who know their stuff). Decker/Dresser: 1st: Tracy K. 2nd: John H., Screaming Eagle 1st: Valmont G. 2nd: David G., Vintage 1st: Craig F. 2nd: Garth B., Stock 1st: Stoney Creek Choppers, 2nd: Ron W., Mild Custom 1st: John C. 2nd: Scott G., Full Custom st 1 : Quinn Custom Motorcycle, 2nd: John C., Sport bike 1st: Pete P. 2nd: Steve F., Trike 1st: Sully (same guy who won the LCMC Trike first btw), 2nd: Barb R., Best of Show: Rob L. Mayor Dave told us that in the last 10 years, the Fenwick Lyons raised over $350,000, John Clare got up to the mike and thanked everyone for 10 years of increasing awesomeness. Then it came down to the winning names to be called. And we held our breath and wished. But hell, so you didn’t win the Street Glide, this year - nobody else did either, but one man: Rob Brown (Waterloo) ticket number: 4222 (was not there, but it was thought that he had bought the ticket that morning). It was anticlimactic in that he wasn’t even at home, so an answering machine picked up the simple statement – you’ve won the bike. Dave Freeman from Fonthill won 2nd prize $1000. And that’s the story. Biketoberfest Canada is on Facebook, they ask to like and friend them. Lets make this the next biggest thing to Port Dover Friday 13th shall we? Be there.

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ABATE Final Frontier 2012 It was an absolutely picture perfect morning as I got all my gear together and loaded it on Petoonia. I was packing an extra piece of equipment this time due to the severe ankle sprain that I received the previous week.

It was a combination walking stick/ seat contraption that my buddy Gord from Black Gold had found on his travels down through the States and it looked like it would fit the bill so he gave it to me.

It is a nifty piece of workmanship to be sure, as the handle fold out to form a very comfortable seat that you merely stick it in the ground and plunk your butt down on it, and voila I now have a handy seat wherever and whenever I needed one. Of course it

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 30

screams for an official name so henceforth it shall be called “The CRITTER SITTER”.

It was perfect, light weight and easy to stash on Petoonia and it will now become a permanent, prominent, and often utilized piece of my Official Riders Mag, Roving, Reporter, Gear whether injured or not.

Travelling with me today was my buddy Allan who has been a tremendous help to me at my Show and Shines, bike shows and again at a recent Port Dover and he was looking at helping me again today and seeing firsthand what I do on these excursions.

After a quick breakfast stop and a short side trip to Barrie on a business matter, we worked our way across the picturesque countryside to the amazing piece of property that the ABATE people lovingly call The Final Frontier.

This was Allan’s first time here and he was blown away at the size of the place and the amount of work that has gone into it.

Work indeed!

That is an understatement to say the least as they had done some major renovations and alterations in an effort to put the brakes on or at least defuse an ongoing dispute with a neighbour who seems to nitpick and be a general

&'&9* +MREP +VSRXMIV pain in the ass, or at least that is what I make of it. dhis inǀolǀeĚ poinƟnŐ the staŐe anĚ ďeer ŐarĚen in the opposite ĚireĐƟon that it haĚ ďeen so the neiŐhďoƵr would not be subjected to the music.

go oī and edžplore this great property and the fantasƟc folks who come here to enjoy it. dhere were a lot of people here.

Campers, Motorhomes, and tents of every size shape and colour were set up or were in the process of being set up in every nook and cranny of the beauƟful property surrounded and protected from the outside World by lush and dense forest.

It seemed be working.

I was informed upon arrival at the check in staƟon that there was a good supply of 50 in the cooler as they were edžpecƟng me. dhese are not just good people, they are fantasƟc people!

Here you can forget the outside World and live for today and the moment with friends who seem more like family, and there were hundreds of people doing just that, and doing it well from my

We rode the rest of the way in and found a great place to park the bikes and I geared up with my trusty Nikon, my ͞ ZIdd Z ^Idd Z ͞, and strapped on another key piece of eƋuipment that I had recently acƋuired and puƫng to observaƟons. good use.

We had to stop by the GRIP Girl’s campsite It is a handͲkniƩed which is always holster. dhat adventure in itself. You incorporated a 50 can never know quite what that was given to me to expect other than to by a Buddy of mine, expect the unexpected durbo last winter and when you venture past kept forgeƫng to the panty fringe. dhe mannequin was a nice addiƟon and bring it with me. Įt in well!

We moved to the We Įgured we would beer garden where they obliged me with a nice cold 50 work our way back to make us oĸcially loaded up and we were now set to

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ABATE Final Frontier 2012 work our way back to the games area as experience has taught me when to expect things to get started and I wasn’t too far off the mark.

I had just enough time to reload my 50 holster a dark position myself for the games that are so popular here.

I was thankful for my CRITTER SITTER as it allowed me to move in close to the action to get the best shots possible.

Now I should point out that getting in close to the action has its dangers and drawbacks and a Roving Reporter must never let his guard down but I got caught up in the action and forgot that even an event like the wiener bite can hold surprizes for those who venture too close.

What happened next was the beautiful lady didn’t like either the mayonnaise, the wiener or both as she immediately spewed both out her mouth and all over the hapless photographer perched on the Critter Sitter and well within her range.

So don’t let anybody tell you that my job doesn’t have some dangers.

We worked our way through the huge variety of games that they have here and the participation in them is fantastic as guys and gals all compete together and just have a ball.

It was a hot, hot day and it does take a toll on us old guys after a while so I had to retreat to the beer garden where I discovered that the hot dry air must have caused the beer to evaporate from the can and that my beer holster now contained an empty can. The nice ABATE people behind the bar soon solved this problem by reaching deep into the ice and retrieving another for me.

Ahhhhh, life is good!

They cover the wieners at these events with mustard but the ABATE people who like to use Mayonnaise for whatever perverted reason they may have.

Still nothing to raise any warning flags for me.

The couple on the bike moved in, I readied myself, focused on the dangling wiener dripping with mayonnaise; the bike paused under the target, the rider skilfully coming Bring your bike seat Motorcycle for a gel insert to the motionless without putting his feet Accessories, Motorcycle Supershow Exotic Leathers down, balanced for the instant it took International Center Toronto for the attractive passenger to zero in Jan 4-6, 2013 on the prize, spring from the seat like a viper striking at its prey and performed her part of the operation perfectly. She wrapped her sensual lips around the Gel Pad Inserts, Pans ~ Shaping Air Horns, wiener, sank her perfect white teeth Engraving ~ Studs Top Pads, into the meat and bit off a huge chunk; Over 20 yrs of Award Winning Custom Bike Seats I framed the shot beautifully and with a click of a button captured the proud 905-735-7216 moment. www.triplekupholstery.com THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 32

ABATE FINAL FRONTIER We were told that the action was about to begin down at the newly designed and improved mud wrestling pit where people were already beginning to gather, and combatants readied for action.

Having learned from the wiener bite contest that things can get messy and having witnessed these mud wrestling sessions before I stayed back a bit as a crew of girls and a couple of guys as well battled it out in the mud for a cash prize that was collected from the spectators.

It was quite a battle!

Mud was splattered everywhere as these mud caked young people put on quite a show. Clothes, however skimpy, that had been on at the beginning had been either cast off, torn off or just filled with mud and fell off. It was quite an event and everybody had a ball.

The winner was declared and the teams of combatants were hosed down by the water truck and everybody wandered back to the games area to await the tug of war.

I was going to wait for the tug of war myself but still had another event and a meeting that I wanted to get in that day so Allan and I said our goodbyes loaded up and headed in the direction of home.

It was another spectacular day at The Final Frontier.

You people and this place is amazing.

If you’ve never been, do yourselves a favour and check it out.

Thanks folks, see Ya next year.

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JOKE PAGE I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud ‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’

Anonymous ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’

Sam Kinison ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.’

James Holt McGavra Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Patrick Murra The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once....

Nash You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

Anonymous First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’ Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

Anonymous “Turtle” The son of an immigrant asks his dad, “Dad, what’s democracy?” “Well, son, that’s when whites work and we get all the benefits from it!” “But dad, aren’t the white people unhappy about that?” “Sure they are son, but that’s called ‘racism’ A woman was playing golf alone at the Mississauga Golf & Country Club when she took a big swing, slipped and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from Queen’s Park that included Dalton McGuinty. Having seen the lady fall, Dalton

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 33

JOKE PAGE quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, “I’m Dalton McGuinty and I hope you’ll vote for me in the next election.”

She laughed loudly and quickly said, “I fell on my ass, not my head.”

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“Turtle” A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland

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near Colville , WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor .

She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?” He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a waste treatment facility. I’m sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.”

“Turtle” In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they held the glass to her lips.

The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

“Mother,” the nuns asked earnestly, “Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.”

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: “DON’T EVER SELL THAT COW!” A smile - is a sign of joy.

A hug - is a sign of love.

A laugh - is a sign of happiness.

And a friend like me? - Well that’s just a sign of good taste!!

We’ll be friends until I am senile.

Then we’ll be new friends.

A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town.” “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?” “No, he went with Mom and Dad.” The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other ,and mumbling to himself. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message.” “Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really

CONTINUED ON PAGE 36

Triple K Upholstery Open House

By Rose

On Saturday, August 18th, Tim Pearson and his family officially held the Triple K Upholstery Open House to welcome everyone to his new shop at 432 Pearson Rd. in Welland. The road is named after his family name and is easy to get to.

The real cool part is that Tim moved back to his family homestead to expand his custom leather seat and trim business. He grew up on the 100 acre farm with hotrods and bikes in his blood.

His father used to drag race and so did Tim in his younger days. The venue was perfect for an open house with lots of green space between the new shop and his home.Actually it felt more like a summer festival with lots of things to see and people to talk to. There was a young lady playing guitar and singing in one of the bays of the shop.

He had a free BBQ with hotdogs, hamburgers, water, pop and chips available. Old cars and pickups were placed strategically around the yard. He had an old 1930 Ford pickup with Triple K written on the doors set up under a tree with a

professional photographer taking pictures. The cost for a picture with you and your bike was $5 and the money went to Help a Child Smile. He expected over 100 bikes to come in as a poker run stop and for a picture opt. A number of Niagara HOG® members rode in with a dozen HOG® members from Boston. Triple K was a stop on the country road tour they were giving the visitors from Boston. There were a

few custom bikes around the front door of the office and a few motocross bikes sitting off to one side. The names of the sponsors were engraved into the seats to personalize their rides. There is even a motocross track behind one of the sheds. Bruce and Suzanne were there with the 2012 Screaming Eagle Street Glide selling tickets and promoting Biketoberfest. The common denominator is that Tim has done custom leather work on the cars, trucks, bikes and helicopters.

He was hoping to have a helicopter land next to the shop in the soy bean field. He has done 3 helicopter seats so far.I did a tour of his office and the shop and it is very impressive. He has a display of all types of leathers…even elephant hide that you can choose from. He has a few

custom laser engraved seats on display and an album of pictures with his excellent custom work.

In his shop, he had an Austin Healey that he was doing in dark burgundy leather… trunk, doors, roof liner and all. On his wall he has a number of loaner seats hanging so you can ride in, swap seats and ride home. He then does his magic on your seat with no downtime for you. To find out why he calls his shop Triple K or for more info about his custom applications or his Pro Pad installations go to www.triplekupholster.com.

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 35

JOKE PAGE wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant”. The boy thought for a moment... “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for The pig, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

A rich blonde buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won’t move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her. The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks: “Ma’am, are you sure you are using the right gears?” Full of anger, the blonde replies: “You idiot, how on earth could you ask such a question? I’m not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night.”

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, ‘I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...The girl looked at him, and then said, ‘NO!’ Eddie said, ‘I’ll be real fast.

I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I’ll finish by the time you’ve picked it up.’ She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, ‘Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won’t even be able to get his pants down.’ She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girl friend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, ‘What happened...?’ Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, ‘The bastard had all dimes!’

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it’s entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed “Turtle” I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?” Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.”Young man, we’re both 90 years old,” the husband said. “We may not have 45 minutes.”They were seated immediately.

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

THE RIDERS MAG ---- PAGE 36

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.

Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?”Artie said, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.” Eugene Phone: 519-846-0040 Fax: 519-846-0145

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