TNT Magazine / Issue 1495

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April 23-29 2012 Issue 1495 tntmagazine.com

Headline Hard Rock Calling

Performing the album Graceland and Greatest Hits!

First live show in Northern Hemisphere in 30 years!

PLAYING LIVE THIS SUMMER

IN HYDE PARK

SEE COLD CHISEL ON FRIDAY 13TH JULY For tickets got to hardrockcalling.co.uk TNT_1495_Covers.indd 1

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BLACK STONE CHERRY KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES

HYDE PARK, LONDON

SKINDRED

LIFE IN FILM

FRIDAY 13TH JULY

Buy online at www.hardrockcalling.co.uk Buy VIP Experiences and Hospitality please visit www.livenationexperience.co.uk or call 0207 009 3484. www.livenation.co.uk

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A Live Nation presentation

www.soundgardenworld.com

(subject to licence)

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April 23-29 2012 Issue 1495 tntmagazine.com

FULL OF BEANS We reveal London’s best coffee shops

START YOUR ENGINES!

WIN!

TICKETS TO THE WORLD PREM IERE OF THE DICT ATOR

Hold on tight for your wildest Van Tour ever

TOTAL ECSTASY Irvine Welsh on his new chemical love story

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER On May 28, TNT Magazine will be putting together a special issue to mark our milestone 1500th edition – and we want YOUR help. We want your stories about the role TNT has played in your lives. Maybe you picked up the first copy in 1983? Or did you meet via Desperately Seeking?

Have you attended our events? Whatever your story, send it to letters@tntmagazine.com with ‘1500th issue’ in the subject. And enjoy this week’s magazine!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

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LONDONNEWS

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MY LONDON

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DRINK & EATS

16-17

@TNT

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SPOTTED

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LONDON SOUND

22-23

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

24-25

COMPETITION

30

CHATROOM EMI WOKOMA

31

LONDON SCENE

32-33

SPARE TIME

52

LIFESTYLE

54-61

SHOPPING

59

FEATURES FEEL THE BUZZ

10

HEALTH & BEAUTY

54-55

The London Coffee Festival is here and we showcase the capital’s finest cafes

CAREERS

56-57

E IS FOR EXPERIENCE

LIVING

60-61

NEWS & SPORT

62-75

Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy arrives on the big screen. We talk to the writer and cast

TRAVEL

77-106

DIARY

78

NEWS

79

LATE DEALS

82

HOTSHOTS

83

TOP FIVE

84 86-87

TIPS & STUFF

48 HOURS IN... DUBROVNIK 92 Photos: Getty; TNT

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CLASSIFIEDS

102-131

DESPERATELY SEEKING

132

FESTIVAL FEVER

88

26

35

Your comprehensive 18-page guide to the top festivals in the UK and beyond

IS ANZAC DAY ALL OVER?

66

We examine whether April 25 has done its dash for Australians and New Zealanders

SUMMER CITY

88

Sweden’s capital, Stockholm, truly comes alive during the warmer months

A VAN WITH A PLAN

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It’s almost time for Van Tour 2012. Cut out and keep our survival guide

66 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Oliver Jones Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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‘No need to get big-headed about things’

Festivals supplement contributor Adam Leyland DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

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TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON FAMILY MATTERS GAZELLI ART HOUSE

The daughter of portrait artist Lucian Freud and great-granddaughter of Sigmund, Jane McAdam Freud presents this latest collection of her work exploring familial relationships, both her own and in wider culture. Among the works that comprise this exhibition are portrayals of her half sister, husband and children, a sculpture that combines both her face and Lucian’s to illustrate their facial similarity, and a large scale relief of her father, based on sketches McAdam Freud made of him at his deathbed.

FREE

Apr 24-May 29 39 Dover Street, W1S 4NN

Green Park

gazelliarthouse.com

MAGIC WHISKY NIGHT

JAWDANCE

RECORD STORE DAY

Bowmore Whisky celebrates its 15year matured Darkest with this sensory and theatrical experience that takes you around a candelit Victorian townhouse to discover the various production stages of the long-processed whisky.

There are star-gazing and pop-up culinary experts on hand with a special tasting session, too, naturally.

This open mic night features live peformance and poetry thrown together into an unpredictable whole that will have you laughing your head off and stroking your chin in confused befuddlement in equal measure. So get along, put some rhymes together and take to the stage to show off your lyrical skills.

This is the day that independent record stores, artists and the public get together to celebrate music, and stick it to the man. PiL played the launch day last month, Keane play an in store at Rough Trade East, and Billy Bragg’s at Soho store Sister Ray. Just a handful of the shows and releases that mark the day.

Apr 25-26. 7.30pm Near Liverpool Street Station Liverpool Street wegottickets.comm

Apr 25. 7.30pm 35-47 Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA Shoreditch High Street richmix.org.uk

Apr 21. Various times Rough Trade East, E1 6QL Aldgate East recordstoreday.co.uk

£15

FREE

VARIOUS

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The Sundance kid: Robert Redford

SAIL CROATIA OR GREECE ON YOUR OWN SKIPPERED YACHT From ÂŁ368 pp

SUNDANCE LONDON The O2

Robert Redford brings his independent cinemasupporting film fest to the UK, with screenings, interview panels and special events to sate the most ravenous cinema hound’s appetite. The top 14 movies from the US fest make their UK premiere, including Paul Dano’s For Ellen and Julie Delpy’s 2 Days In New York, with live performances from Placebo (Apr 28), Tricky (Apr 27) and Rufus and Martha Wainwright (Apr 29). £12.50+

Apr 26-29. Various times SE10 0DX North Greenwich

sundance-london.com

LONDON SPILL PARTY

CHEESE AND WINE FESTIVAL

The London party for online movie mag Spill brings together members from the international Spill community for a party that kicks off in the afternoon at Miabella in Soho and goes on into the small hours. There’s a VIP section, a happy hour that runs till 10pm, and US DJ Milez spinning the best tunes.

This cheese-tastic South Bank festival offers those who like a bit of brie with their glass of wine the chance to sample some tastes they may not otherwise encounter.

Boasting more than 35 stalls with offerings from as far afield as South America, there’s cheese-making demonstrations and a wine-tasting masterclass.

Apr 26-28. 7pm-1am.

12-13 Greek Street, W1D 4DJ Oxford Circus spill.com

Apr 27-29. 11am-8pm.

Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX Waterloo cheesewine-festival.com

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LONDONNEWS

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LONDON WOMEN ARE WORST OFF IN UK Women get a worse deal for pay and safety in London than anywhere else in Britain, a new report warns.

The study, by the Fawcell Society, the campaign for gender equality, says that women in the capital face a bigger gender pay gap, struggle to find a good balance between work and family life and are more likely to be assaulted.

Fawcett chief executive Ceri Goddard said, due to a “toxic combination” of rising female unemployment, fewer flexible working opportunities, cuts to welfare and high childcare and living costs, London women “face a bleak future”.

I just wish the flame was lit so I could get some heat from it.

Holding the metal is making me even colder The first Olympic torch carrier Jasmine Vanmali is reminded the Games are being held in England

TUBE CONGESTION AS STRIKE IS ON This week’s Tube strike is on after London Underground and unions discussions collapsed.

Walkouts on the Jubilee, Northern and Piccadilly lines will start from 4pm on Tuesday, ending at 4pm on Friday.

Lines will still be running, but disruption is likely as striking staff include Emergency Response Units who repair faults on the trains.

ON THE TUBE

Who’s going to run London?

Antipodeans urged to vote

Your help wanted to decide who gets to be mayor – Boris or Ken Antipodeans in London are being encouraged to vote in the elections for the Mayor of London and the London Assembly on May 3.

As members of the Commonwealth, Australians, New Zealanders and South Africans are eligible to vote in UK elections.

A spokesman for London Elects said: “The Mayor has an annual budget of around £14bn, and if you want to have you say on how that money is spent and how the capital is run, you need to vote.

“London is a diverse city, with Londoners from all over the Commonwealth, not least from Australia, New Zealand and South Africa. [They] have just as much right to have a say on how the capital they live in is run.”

The upcoming election will give voters a chance to have their say on issues such as

transport, housing and policing in London.

The battle for the capital has hotted up in the last few weeks, especially over transport, as Conservative candidate Boris Johnson hopped on a Routemaster bus last weekend and Labour candidate Ken Livingstone insisted that Olympic VIPs “get on the bloody Tube like everyone else”.

A few weeks ago, Johnson and Livingstone also had an altercation in a lift after a heated radio debate about tax affairs, where Johnson reportedly called Livingstone a “fucking liar”.

The hopefuls also revealed new campaign merchandise last week, with Johnson releasing cufflinks sporting his silhouette and the Green Party creating fake £250 bank notes with BoJo’s yawning face on to fight for candidate Jenny Jones’s cause.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

DISTRICT: No service between Turnham Green and Richmond on Saturday and Sunday. Rail replacement buses operate.

BAKERLOO: Suspended between Queen’s Park and Harrow & Wealdstone on Sunday before 12pm and after 9pm.

Rail replacement buses operate.

JUBILEE: No service between North Greenwich and Stratford on Sunday. Rail replacement buses operate.

WATERLOO & CITY: Closed on Sundays

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The big boat is back

Photos: Getty

and public holidays.

The Cutty Sark – the world’s last remaining tea clipper – will reopen to visitors this Thursday.

The vessel was given a £50m renovation – funded partly by donation from around the world – which involved painstakingly piecing back together the 143-year-old ship, after it was nearly destroyed by fire five years ago.

Nearly 90 per cent of fittings are from the original ship, which now sits on 11ft steel supports in Greenwich.

Cutty Sark Trust director Richard Doughty said: “Although we have taken the Cutty Sark apart and reassembled it almost entirely, this is very much still the original Cutty Sark.

“Any additional material we have added in to strengthen the ship we have painted a different colour.”

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Made with love: a barista does his best

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Brew’s talking Far from just a stimulant in a cup, caffeine is now an art and a lifestyle, and we have Antipodeans to thank for that WORDS REBECCA KENT Wake up and smell the coffee, London: a new wave of caffeine worship has dawned. We’ve moved on from the bitter first phase of instant coffee, through the commercialised second wave of stores, such as Starbucks, providing a slightly better product, to today, where you’ve got to know your cappuccinos from your cortados, plus everything from the origin of the bean to the hand that fills your mug.

It’s in this third wave that coffee has gone artisan, cafes sprouting on every corner as a result. But unless you get on to it fast, you risk eternally sipping an inferior product.

Helpfully, you can acquaint yourself with the cutting edge of caffeine this weekend at The London Coffee Festival at the Old Truman Brewery. The event will have London’s top baristas, a multitude of tastings and some far-out experiments. There’ll also be ethical debates and tips to open your own cafe.

“London is now a coffee mecca,” says Jeffrey Young, founder of Allegra Events, the company behind the Festival. “The East End, in particular, is becoming the new heart of the whole buzzing scene.”

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Reflective of the cafe’s new role in the capital, the festival will also feature a food market, live music, plus the Artisan Cafe, which hosts baristas from 18 different coffee shops and microroasteries for a three-hour slot each as they serve their signature drinks.

It’s the culmination of UK Coffee Week, which will be marked by events such as a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony hosted by at St Mark’s Clerkenwell, and roastery tours at Ozone Coffee.

According to Allegra Strategies, there are now 1900 independent coffee houses in London and the number is growing at an exponential rate – in the past year, 60 new artisan cafes have emerged, many staffed by baristas with a distinctly southern hemisphere drawl.

“We owe London’s current cafe culture to the Australasian community, particularly Kiwis,” Young says. “The perfection they achieve in coffee is unprecedented.”

Australian Peter Dore-Smith opened Kaffeine, in Great Titchfield Street, in the West End, in 2009, spotting a gap for “good service and coffee made with love”. In 2011, it was voted best

coffee shop in Europe at the European Coffee Awards. “We used to be part of a small community of Aussie coffee connoisseurs in London,” Dore-Smith says. “Now I predict the industry is going to attract investors, more money, and therefore bigger places and more equipment. It’s exciting times.”

But while Antipodeans have hauled London coffee into a sophisticated realm, Young says Starbucks’ contribution must never be forgotten.

“We owe a lot to the chain brands, for this culture of sitting in a cafe, using the wifi, and reading the paper. But consumers no longer wanted cookiecutter. They wanted artisan with an Australian casualness,” he says. ”Now the chains are reinventing themselves to achieve that effect.”

Young suggests approaching caffeine in 2012 with a curious mind, and to ask the barista the story of their coffee. And in no time, you, too, will demand the best this city has to offer. ❚ MORE COFFEE IN THE CAPITAL ›› The London Coffee Festival, April 27-29. £9.50.

Half of all ticket sales go to Project Waterfall.

Shoreditch High The Old Truman Brewery Street londoncoffeefestival.com

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Finesse: Antipodean coffee perfection is unprecedented

Cycling Around San Gimignano San Gimignano is a treasure on the hill and a jewel of Tuscany, wonderful for cycling and exploring. With its thirteen outstanding medieval towers, it s clear why the town is on the UNESCO World Heritage List. You ll ride among fields of sunflowers under the Tuscan sun and along cypress-lined country roads, through olive groves and vineyards which produce some of the world s finest olive oil and wine. You shall savor the flavor of these ingredients in the outstanding local cuisine. Travel back to Etruscan and Roman times, from one picturesque hilltop to the next, each with its own history and charisma. Pinch yourself, this is the real thing.

Trip Highlights:

Wheely cool: cafes pop up in unlikely places

* San Gimignano UNESCO world heritage town * Stay in a charming Tuscan farmhouse with pool * Quiet roads and quintessential strade bianche * Wonderful landscapes with vineyards, cypress-lined roads and olive groves * Authentic country towns & villages Duration: 5 days Price from: 造320/person Challenge: Moderate on hilly terrain, some shade on the roads (Daily ascents of 400-600m) riding on well-surfaced tarmac country lanes, secondary roads and 1/3 of the time on good dirt roads

Lodging: You spend the week on a real & characteristic Tuscan farm with spectacular views and a swimming pool in the hamlet of San Donato 5 km from San Gimignano.

Know your stuff: discover the origin of your beans

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T +39 055 2345334 W www.s-cape.eu

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THE SUNDAY CLUB VARIOUS

COMING SOON BARBICAN

These caffeine fanatics hold weekly classes in coffee cupping (like winetasting, but with coffee) and homebrewing, usually in a designated east London space – or one of your choice. The idea is to bring people together and extend their journey into the world of coffee, with taste deconstruction, bean origins and processing methods, plus various brewing processes.

This pop-up within a gallery is run by two architects – from Germany and Hong Kong – and opens just to capture the morning and lunch trades, while the owners go off to do their jobs in between.

That’s commitment. This is London’s first and only dedicated single-origin bean cafe, with brews made with a traditional hand-lever machine from Naples.

Various times and course dates thesundayclublondon.wordpress.com

SHOREDITCH GRIND OLD STREET This indie Antipodean cafe keeps the IT gurus on Silicon Roundabout wired on five-star brew. Drinkers are welcomed by a cinema-style neon sign with changeable innuendo-laden slogans, such as ‘the perfect cupsize’, and the cafe’s wraparound windows give the effect of a glass box of coffee gorgeousness. The food, too, is worth raving about.

Mon-Fri, 8.30am-9.30am, 1pm-2pm Exhibit Gallery, 20 Goswell Rd, EC1M 7AA Barbican comingsooncoffee.wordpress.com

Mon-Fri, 7am-8pm; Sat, 9am-6pm; Sun, 10am-6pm 213 Old Street, EC1 Old Street shoreditchgrind.com

SPRING COFFEEHOUSE TOUR VARIOUS Before Antipodeans instigated the London coffee revolution, believe it or not, this town had something of its own caffeine culture. This Unreal City tour brings the history of the capital’s coffee houses to life as you amble through the alleys of the capital, learning the importance of the 18th-century coffee shop for trade negotiations, stock selling and general gossipmongering. Indeed, you’ll visit many of them – and the characters inside – and see the fantastic comparison they make to many of the sterile interiors that exist in London today. £15

Sat, April 28, 11.30am Meet at steps of St Michael’s Church, Cornhill, EC3V 9DS Bank unrealcityaudio.co.uk

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WORKSHOP COFFEE CO CLERKENWELL

OZONE SHOREDITCH

Formerly St. ALi, this cafe recently parted ways with its Aussie sister store to blaze a trail in London. Perch at the bar for an espresso, and try the corn fritters.

One of the newest Kiwi jointson the block, this cafe makes its European debut with a rustic hangout and a roasting operation. The coffee is superb and the food equally tantalising.

Tues-Sat, 7am-10pm; Sun-Mon, 7am-6pm 27 Clerkenwell Rd, EC1M 5RN Farringdon workshopcoffee.com

Mon-Fri, 7.30am-5pm; Sat-Sun, 9am-4pm 11 Leonard Street, EC2A 4AQ Old Street ozonecoffee.co.uk

PRUFROCK LEATHER LANE

TAPPED & PACKED FITZROVIA

Former world barista champion Gwilym Davies helms the machines in this sparkly little place where drinkers are greeted with a scientific-looking coffee siphon set-up. It also has a barista training centre.

The facade is signless and the interior minimalist, so your focus is on this joint’s brewed coffee – a godsend in an espresso-dominated world. The Souvenir spoons and sugar in treacle tins are wickedly quriky.

Proving good coffee is available outside Zone One, this cafe has a staunch set of caffeine-loving disciples. It sources beans from southeast London’s Volcano Coffee Works, and serves them from a beautiful Mirage Veloce machine.

Here you get the perfect combination of coffee and free wifi, overlooking the lush Haven Green. If nothing else, this is your reason to schlep to the end of the Central line.

Mon-Fri, 8am-6pm; Sat, 10am4.30pm; Sun, 11am-4pm 23-25 Leather Lane, EC1N 7TE Chancery Lane prufrockcoffee.com

Mon-Fri, 8am-7pm; Sat, 10am-6pm 26 Rathbone Place, W1T 1JD Goodge Street tappedandpacked.co.uk

Mon-Fri, 7am-6pm; Sat, 8am-6pm; Sun, 9am-5pm 40 Haven Green, W5 2NX Ealing Broadway taylor-st.com

ELECTRIC COFFEE CO EALING

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LOOK MUM NO HANDS OLD STREET

THE ROASTERY WANDSWORTH

This bike shop-cum-cafe places its emphasis firmly on two wheels (there are big screens for cycling events) and coffee (it uses Square Mile blend and a two-group Marzocco Linea with a modified Anfim grinder, for all you caffiene geeks).

On April 24, it will host a lively Rollapaluza challenge, in which baristas will battle it out on a pair of mounted bikes at extremely high speeds, accompanied by music, an MC and cheering crowds. The venue is famed for its salads, pies and cakes. and there is even an inhouse beer, Slag.

Continue past Clapham’s string of humdrum cafes and you’ll find this coffee mecca, with sprightly Kiwi baristas who serve lush doubleshot coffees – chocolate marshmallow on the side – inside a little retro-styled establishment. There’s seating outside for sunny mornings, and scrumptious Anzac biscuits, brownies, fresh salads and bagels to make yours a dining experience, too.

Mon-Fri, 7.30am-10pm; Sat, 9am10pm; Sun, 10am-10pm 49 Old Street, EC1V 9HX Old Street lookmumnohands.com

BERTIE AND BOOS BALHAM This independently owned cafe won ‘best neighbourhood coffee shop’ in 2009’s Love London awards, and it’s easy to see why. Freshly ground coffee is flanked by fruit smoothies, handmade cakes, muffins and toasted melts. There are oldschool desks and red-leather sofas, as well as an outside area stacked with deck chairs to enhance those indulgent chill-out vibes.

Times vary 89 Wandsworth Rd, SW8 3JQ Wandsworth Road bullet-coffee.com

Mon-Fri, 7.30am-7.30pm; Sat, 9am-7.30pm; Sun, 9am-6pm 162 Balham High Street, SW12 9BW Balham bertieandboo.com

Photos: Getty, Jonathon Gregson

GINGER & WHITE HAMSTEAD We knew somewhere among the dazzling stars of Down Under there would be a grind waving the flag for Britain. This is it. Unshamedly patriotic, Ginger & White, amid the chichi shops of Hamstead Village, uses the ubiquitous Square Mile-roasted beans, and has a conscientious approach to sourcing ingredients locally for its refershingly brief menu.

The coffee and cakes are beyond delicious.

Mon-Fri, 7.30am-5.30pm; Sat-Sun, 8.30am-5.30pm 4a-5a Perrins Court, NW3 1QS Hamstead gingerandwhite.com

FEDERATION COFFEE BRIXTON

NUDE ESPRESSO SOHO/ BRICK LANE

At the heart of Brixton Village Market, this atmospheric coffee house is a perfect venue for a southof-the-river cuppa. Coffee is made from beans roasted in its own Brixton roastery and the menu’s bursting.

This espresso bar, which aims to combine ‘New Zealand ingenuity’ with ‘East End playfulness’, has a sister cafe in Brick Lane and a shop at its roastery site there, where its numerous blends are available to take home.

There is a range of blends to try (all are aged seven days). Particularly famed is the signature intense ‘east’ espresso. There’s also a bountiful selection of snacks and indulgences on offer to accompany your coffee.

Think homemade chocolate brownies, white chocolate and banana muffins, raspberry cupcakes and some divine spinach and feta scones.

Daily. 8am-6pm.

Unit 77-78, Brixton Village Market, SW9 Brixton federationcoffee.com

MONMOUTH COVENT GARDEN A beacon in caffeine excellence. The queues justify the coffee and vice versa. Monmouth’s been roasting since 1978 and its espresso blend is known as the among the capital’s finest.

Mon-Sat, 8am-6.30pm 27 Monmouth St, WC2H 9EU Covent Garden monmouthcoffee.co.uk

Mon-Fri. 7.30am-5pm; Sat-Sun 10am-6pm 19 Soho Square, W1D 3QN; 26 Hanbury St, E1 6QR Tottenham Court Road; Aldgate East nudeespresso.com

FLAT WHITE SOHO Effortlessly cool, but fiercely professional, this is the place that paved the way for Australian and Kiwi coffee shops in London, heralding the advent of Antipodean cafe culture in Britain. That it still ranks among the best cafes in London is testament to its emphasis on quality.

That it champions that holy grail of milky coffee – the flat white – does it no harm either. Its bean blend is custom-made by Square Mile, and you get a perfectly rounded cuppa every time. It’s not a particularly spacious joint, so pop in and out, and take humour in the helpful Aussie and Kiwi ‘flat white’ pronunciations on the wall.

Mon-Fri, 8am-7pm; Sat-Sun, 9am-6pm 17 Berwick Street, W1F 0PT Piccadilly Circus flatwhitecafe.com

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FINAL 1495 Lon Listings Coffee.i13 13

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MYLONDON

EGYPT & MIDDLE EAST www.topdeck.travel/deals

ON SALE! What baffles me about London is how the city can change people, especially with the pace of everyday life here. You can be used to buses coming every half an hour for years, yet move to London and when you see the next Tube is not for five minutes … oh boy.

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U K Go ld Backp en ack

London’s best-kept secret is Santa Maria Del Sur, an Argentinian steak house on Queenstown Road, Battersea. I’ve eaten a lot of steak on my travels, and this place tops the lot.

WI N N E

R

Favou M iddle rite O p e ra E a s t tor A s vot e by you d !

When I want to chill out, Battersea Park is a great place for a stroll, I’d definitely top off the walk with a good beer in a nearby pub – that just hits the spot.

The most interesting person I’ve met in London is the adventurer Monty Halls, while volunteering for Project Aware. He’s always got some unbelievable stories to tell – they never fail to amaze me!

FOR M O DEAL RE CHEC S KO OUR UT WEBS ITE

My favourite place for a drink is the Grand Union near Westbourne Park.

I always stop by for a cheeky one when I’m in the area.

For when you’re hungover in London find a good pub serving a great roast dinner and good beer – that always fixes me up.

What gets me up in the morning is the fact that living here, you never do really know what’s around the corner.

XXXXXXX /00 XXXXXXXXXXX /00

My perfect weekend would involve playing tag rugby or doing some triathlon training, followed up by catching up with friends. I love a bit of chilled time on the weekend, too, so I’d take stroll in the park, topped off with a beer – that’d be my winner of a weekend.

The biggest faux pas I’ve made was, apart from dating girls I really shouldn’t have, wearing a backpack on the Tube. I hate it, you hate it – yet I still do it.

trips for 18 to 30 somethings

Five words that sum up London ... Vibrant, tireless, surprising, cultural, home. projectaware.org 14

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FINAL 1495 MY LONDON.indd 14

L8291 / Y2992

www.topdeck.travel

*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.63, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Subject to availability.

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TNT_1495_edit.indd 15

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LONDONDRINKS

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THE OYSTER SHED

@tntmagazine

On the decking at the Oyster Shed

PUB THE SCENE Not your usual post-work City escape. Yes, The Oyster Shed has huge glass walls, but they’re for showing off the fact it’s right on the Thames. When we turn up at the newly opened pub, it’s heaving, but still waiting for final touches, and instead of a mirror in the ladies’ loos, there’s a sign saying, “You look great!

(Sorry, mirror coming next week)”. It is mostly intact, however, in full nauticalthemed, round-windowed glory.

THE GRUB Served on a mezzanine ‘observation deck’, the pork shoulder with apple sauce tastes more burnt than ‘spiced’ as the menu promises, and the fish cake with spinach and poached egg comes with a surprise slathering of hollandaise sauce, (not on the menu). Luckily, it matches the fish, and the egg is at perfect threeminute runniness. Treacle tart and clotted cream is a sticky, homely end.

BEHIND THE BAR There’s a good range of well-priced wines and fizz, with a southern hemisphere section on the menu. The cocktails are the best, with a particularly sweet Apple and Elderflower Martini that’s a perfect summer, riverside drink.

BILL PLEASE Wine from £3.80 a glass; beer and ale from £3.55; cocktails from £5; small plates from £4.50; bigger plates from £9.50; desserts from £1.50.

VERDICT The food is average, but it’s great as a bar. And with its location and decent drinks menu, it’s probably going to be even busier come summer. CLARE VOOGHT

1 Angel Lane, EC4R 3AB

geronimo-inns.co.uk/theoystershed

3 OF THE BEST MEGA PIZZAS

16

Monument

METER

BUNGA BUNGA

FIREZZA

The latest addition to the new giant pizza dining trend is Meter, where you can get metre-long slices identified by numbers, from £7. ‘Due’, with almost-field-fresh tomatoes, anchovies and capers, is a good call.

At this tongue-in-cheek Battersea nook, enormous metro pizzas, such as the The Julius Cheeser (£10), are served up with heartstopping toppings – think gorgonzola, taleggio, mozarella and goat’s cheese.

The London take-out serves pizza by the half-metre – the cheaper equivalent to two 12” pizzas. The four Stagioni, (£10.40) with artichokes, prosciutto cotto ham, pepperoni and mushrooms, is ideal for sharing.

meterlondon.com

bungabunga-london.com

firezza-orders.com

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BITE SIZE

Genuinely generous: Annie’s in Barnes

ABOARD THE NANNY GOAT Our favourite new sweet treat is Montezuma’s new Cockney rhyming slang chocolate range for Blighty’s year in the sun. Feast your apple pies (eyes) on the half-kilo slabs (they’re £13.99 and bigger than iPads) in five different flavours. The Shake & Shiver (river, as in the Thames) with Ecuadorian dark chocolate, peppermint and cocoa nibs, and the Nanny Goat (boat), with Venezuelan milk chocolate, salted peanuts and butterscotch, are particularly tasty. montezumas.co.uk

SMEAR IT ON YOUR BACON As bizarre as it sounds, we guarantee this will become your new favourite ingredient. Trendy Walthamstow foodie zone Eat 17 had to make more of its previously sold-out cult condiment, Bacon Jam (£3.80), containing smoked bacon, coffee, lemon juice, bourbon, garlic and rosemary. It’s great with cheese on toast or as a secret addition to a stew. bacon-jam.com

BE THE BURRITO KING Want to learn how to make the perfect salsa and tortillas, and then create your own margarita? Head to a Mexican-tastic masterclass at Benito’s Hat, Oxford Circus, to earn your burrito stripes. The two-hour session includes dinner and drinks for a tidy £15 per person, and you’ll compete in teams for a bottle of premium Don Agustin tequila and a free meal for two. Booking is essential, The next class is at 7pm on Thursday, May 24. benitos-hat.com

ANNIE’S RESTAURANT ENGLISH THE SCENE A few minutes walk from the riverside, this restaurant, which has a Chiswick sibling, claims to “love good food, generous portions and taking care of people” and prides itself on its homely decor, candelit ambiance and flowerfilled beauty. Pink cushions, thick-rimmed mirrors and cherub ornamentation are predominant, with a secret, canopied garden at the back for al fresco dining (blankets are even provided for the cooler evenings of the British ‘summer’).

THE GRUB Brunch, lunch and dinner are catered for, with a two-course fixed-priced lunch menu on offer, too. We opt to go ‘off piste’, though, and for starters sample the spicy squid with wasabi mayo – the spice a subtle, rather than domineering, taste; and salt and pepper prawns with garlic aioli – the plate arriving loaded with a most generous number of delicious large prawns that affirms the aforementioned portion claim. The fish pie, back on the menu for spring, comes loaded with tuna, prawns and cod, and is a warming, filling dish. The slow-roasted pork belly, however, served with savoy cabbage, bacon, apple and rosemary compote and crackling, is the winner – a towering, tender, gravy-laced delight.

Wines take prominence – the house red makes for a fruity accompaniment to your culinary excursion – and range from from the affordable to the indulgent. There is also an array of cocktails, beers and spirits on the menu, with a weekday happy hour for those looking for an enjoyable post-work, midweek tipple.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £7.95; mains from £13.95; wine from £4.25 a glass; cocktails from £7.50.

VERDICT The food, portions and service claims are most definitely backed up by an impressive menu, top smiley service and a welcoming, homely atmosphere that makes Annie’s a place to relax, indulge and enjoy. ALASDAIR MORTON BEHIND THE BAR

36-38 White Hart Lane, SW13 0PZ

anniesrestaurant.co.uk

Barnes Bridge

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Red sky in morning - Global warming.

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Marcus Got great teeth but My extra-sensitive toothpaste doesn’t seem to like it when I use other toothpastes.

Sara I must stop telling titanic jokes, doesn’t go down very well.

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EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM NO BULL ‘Run for your life’ (TNT 1494) failed to consider that the bulls at Pamplona are actually running for their lives, but have zero chance of succeeding.

Reports say the bulls are electrocuted before the run, have the tips of their horns shaved off to impair their co-ordination, have petroleum jelly smeared into their eyes, are stabbed in the kidneys and have sandbags dropped on to their backs in order to weaken them. PETA urges all compassionate tourists to boycott Pamplona and help put an end to this bloody spectacle Ben Williamson, via email

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My flatmate’s birthday is coming up and she was deciding what to do.

All she could come up with was getting wasted in a club. It seems such a shame, considering all London has to offer (as showcased weekly in your mag) that was all she could think of.

I’m sure she will have fun – but where is the creativity and originality for celebrating gone?

Understandable in New Zealand, but not over here in London!

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Jane Wow, so Apple plans to release the mini iPad...

Hold on, I already have one of them! It’s called a bloody iPhone!

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I am so excited about being here for the Olympics; I have been counting down the years since I arrived in 2007. I have been lucky enough to get a ticket to the athletics and will fly my NZ flag high. The best way to support your own

country is to be in the heart of it all, which is going to be an honour.

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KEEP IT CLEAN Summer is around the corner. How about we show some respect to not only what we take for granted back home, but also the cleaners who have to pick up the used cans and copious amounts of rubbish from the parks daily. Let’s show the UK how much we love the sun and their beautiful big parks.

Skye Zielke, via email

THE RIGHT STUFF I am 70 and cannot wait for my copy of TNT to be available every Monday in Richmond. The young are so lucky to have this mag.

There was nothing like it when I was young. GET IT. Mike Swift, via email WALES/80 STOCKHOLM /88

@HeyImGage: That awkward moment when Chris Brown sees a hot chick and says “I’d hit that”. @JennyJohnsonHi5: You can eat gluten-free, organic food without telling everyone at your table. @Nickadoo:Before Twitter, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind.

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Andrew White: My worst job would have to be my time working at the Golden Arches. Pure, undiluted hell.

Nicole Waters This boy band phenomenon makes me want to kick kittens!!! Arrrgghhh!!!!

Pete Rowe: Tim Minchin is weird – men do not wear eye makeup – and the language is appalling.

I’ll stick to going to the footy with mates who don’t wear makeup – and having a beer after.

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FINAL 1495 @TNT.indd 18

20/4/12 15:17:39

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plus special guests

Wednesday 8 August

London Koko 0844 847 2258

Buy online at ticketmaster.co.uk livenation.co.uk xavierrudd.com new album ‘Spirit Bird’ out 12 june a live nation presentation in association with CAA

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ARE YOU SPOTTED IN THE CIRCLE?

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Email us at marketing@ tntmagazine.com with ‘Spotted’ in the subject line, email must include a photo of yourself!

You’ve won a 13-week UK subscription to TNT Magazine!

LONDON BRONCOS V CATALAN DRAGONS Twickenham Stoop Thursday, April 5 Photos by: Chiara Palazzo/ TNT Magazine

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LONDONSOUND

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Bumfights: Next Generation: coming to a parking lot near you

festival

WIRELESS

watch

TRIBES Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT FRI, APR 27 | DOORS AT 7.30PM | £12.50

July 6-8, Hyde Park, Serpentine Rd, W2 2UH. £135 (weekend ticket), £52 (day ticket) Hyde Park Corner wirelessfestival.co.uk

This three-day poptastic centre-of-London festival has claimed recent Battleship-sinker Rihanna for its Sunday night closer, with Madonna-chastising Deadmau5 and hip-hop star Drake headlining the Friday and Saturday nights, respectively. They’ll be joined by the likes of Example, Nicki Minaj and X Factor-turned-’shaky-cam’ star Tulisa for a weekend of dance and pop-themed performances. Get in.

Bringing the cool back to Camden after the hipsters moved east, this north London-born-and-bred indie rock outfit are on the ascendancy, since unleashing their debut EP, We Were Children, a year ago.

They shot to fame almost instantly – helped in large part by their first release coming with an effortlessly cool vid shot on a Camden rooftop, cementing their history-soaked origins – and did the festival rounds last year, before completing a headline tour of their own and NME tour slot in February.

Citing their influences as REM, Nirvana and the Pixies, Tribes have their ear rooted firmly in the grunge era, as one listen to Children – particularly vocalist Johnny Llloyd’s “we were children of the mid-Nineties” refrain – testifies. But in their scuffed-up grunge leather-clad slacker chic, they’re more than just retrotinged revivalists riding the trend of all things Nineties cool.

Catchy choruses, skyscraper hooks and monstrous guitars abound across their debut, Baby, released earlier this year. Since then, the boys have been on a tour to the US, indulging their most hedonistic rock ‘n’ roll fantasies in the land of their heroes, and even becoming the focus of tabloid gossip when a story emerged wondering whether or not guitarist Dan White was ‘romantically linked’ with than Lost In Translation star Scarlett Johansson.

This headline show is their largest yet for a band no doubt keen to continue the strides they took last year.

Shepherd’s Bush

FINAL 1495 Lon Sound.indd 22

o2academyislington.co.uk

20/4/12 12:00:38

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NEW BAND

SANTIGOLD GIG THURS, APR 26. 7PM £17.50

New wave, dub and electronica wrapped up in a pop package that has indie-fied cross-genre appeal, Brooklyn-based Philadelphian Santigold (formerly known as Santogold) is on to a winner.

She’s touring sophomore album Master Of My Make-Believe, so expect funk-percussion-induced cuts from this and her self-titled 2008 debut.

Photos: Getty

Heaven Under the Arches, WC2N 6NG Embankment heaven-live.co.uk

SWERVE

MIXCLOUD DIGITAL SOUNDCLASH

CLUB

CLUB

WEDS, APR 25. 10.30PM-3.30AM £7

SAT, APR 28. 9PM-4AM £Free

Cable sits in the atmospheric tunnels and arches under London Bridge railway station, the perfect setting for DJ Fabio’s long-running and highly regarded drum ‘n’ bass night. This week it features guest slots from Tendai and Nu: Tone, who will be bring a little mid-week madness to the masses.

Forget battle of the bands, this iPod-styled faceoff has DJs from seven music providers (Spotify, Bleep, Deezer, 7 Digital and more) compete to win your vote, all hosted by DJ/producer The Last Skeptik! Booming sets from Mr Thing and Spin Doctor will follow to keep the party going into the night.

Cable 33a Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW London Bridge cable-london.net

The Big Chill House 257-259 Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL King’s Cross bigchill.net/house

TRACER

WOW

BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB + LIANE LA HAVAS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

TUES, APR 2. 7PM £9

SAT, APR 28. 10PM-10AM £20

SAT, APR 28. 7PM £20

Following the playlisting of second single Devil Ride, off last year’s debut album Spaces In Between, by Planet Rock Radio, the Aussie boys return to the UK for a string of headline shows.

They’ll be set to show off their ballsy classic rock-meets-stoner-grunge riffs, so get down and rock out!

Italian party providers Angels Of Love and event organisers DC7 have one clear aim – to bring house legends from the past 20 years together with techno legends of the present for a night that lives up to its own, self-aggrandising titular billing. Grammy-winning Frankie Knuckles (above), Rino Cerrone and Pirupa headline.

Gloomy, Interpol-esque, static-edged indie pop from the two-wheel-inspired London foursome, who are playing one of their biggest headline shows to date. They’ll be sure to draw from their three-album career and last year’s top 10, including A Different Kind Of Fix. Soulful storyteller Lianna La Havas supports.

O2 Academy Islington 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS Angel o2academyislington.co.uk

Egg 200 York Way, King’s Cross, N7 9AP King’s Cross egglondon.net

Alexandra Palace Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY Wood Green alexandrapalace.com

ESCAPISTS THE BUZZ SO FAR London foursome whose alt-rock shot through with compelling melancholic vocals, haunting melodies and steadily building percussion elements reminiscent of The Shins and The National, makes them a perfect festival band. Debut single, Post Gospel Blues, was out late last year and forthcoming debut EP Burial is set to maintain their upward trajectory.

THE CRITICS SAY “Escapists bring some much needed life to the indie rock landscape” VultureHound.co.uk THE PLUG Burial is out May 7 through Euphonius Records. They also play Sundance London Inc Club, April 29, 5.30pm.

The O2, SE10 0DX North Greenwich escapistsmusic.com

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FINAL 1495 Lon Sound.indd 23

23

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 23 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam spin pop and carnival classics. Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033).

8pm-midnight. £5, free before 8pm.

Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

Tins On Toast Indie, pop, electro and dance from Steve Harris, Liam Young, Ed Wilder from Club NME and Bandangos.

The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

7pm-late. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3.

TUESDAY 24 Bingo Night DJs spin indie, plus Mr David Nottingham hosts bingo.

The George Tavern, Commercial Rd, E1 0LA (020 7790 7335).

8.30pm-midnight. Free.

Jamm Sandwich Eddie Pillar, Arthur Baker and Lascelle Gordon spin pop, hip-hop, R‘n’B and dance hits. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

6.30pm-late. £5, guestlist £3.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, w/flyer free before 10.30pm.

Pink Tuesdays Freight Train spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, soul, funk and electro. Mother Bar, Old St, EC1V 9LE (020 7739 5949). 8pm-3am. Free.

Ruby Tuesdays Pop, R‘n’B and 1980s hits from Sandra D and Joe Grohl. Ku Bar, Lisle St, WC2H 7BA (020 7437 4303). 9pm-late. Free.

Stupid Tuesday Resident DJs play funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus spin electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

24

FRIDAY 27 BENGA KOKO. June 3. £12.50 The part-time Magnetic Man (above) decides to go it alone with his first solo show. Support comes from Joker and Dismantle.

NW1 7JE

Mornington Crescent

WEDNESDAY 25 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4, guestlist £3.

Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Eclectic City 2 DJs Slam Dunk, March Eight, Willie Vanillie and DJ Syko spin 1990s classics, hiphop, electronica, dance and pop.

The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 7pm-late. £5.

Fat Poppa Daddys Resident DJs spin hip-hop, funk, electro, house, dubstep, 1980s hits, indie and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

11pm-2am. £5, free before midnight.

Metrolatina Resident DJs mix jazzy salsa with Cuban sounds. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

9.30pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Smile Resident DJs play funky house, club classics and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £4, £3 before midnight.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

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Work Lee Harris, Niyi Maximus Crown and Big John Freeman spin house, pop, electro, R‘n’B, funk and dancehall. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-5am. £5, £4 before 1am.

THURSDAY 26 Bete Noire DJ Lucifer Box spins vintage swing, jazz and R‘n’B, plus burlesque performances, with host Ophelia Bitz. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 8pm3am. £10, adv £5, free before 10.30pm.

Dead Beat Society Battle: Heat 2 DA, Ranx, Noisses, AfSoulBeats, Excalibah, $nowm@nn, Dockmini and Manny Baidoo spin garage, hip-hop, house and reggae.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 8pm-late. £6.

The Doctor’s Orders Present Spin Doctor and Chris P Cuts play hiphop and rap, plus a live performance from 9th Wonder featuring Rapsody. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 9.30pm-2am. £8.

Elementz Sarah Love, DJ 279, DJ Mr Thing, DJ Snips, DJ Snuff and DJ Johny Garcia spin hip-hop, plus live music from Caxton Press, Genesis Elijah, Naba Napalm and Ether L Banks. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 8pm-3am. £8, adv £7.

Fuel Thursdays DJ Melody Kane spins house, funk, soul and urban beats. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

I Love Forward DJs Zinc and Boy 8-Bit spin dubstep and electronica.

Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 9.30pm-2am. £7.

Nonclassical Presents Clean Bandit, Gabriel Prokofiev and Alex Smoke spin electronica and techno, plus live performances of works by Penderecki, Ligeti and Xenakis. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-2am. £8, adv £6.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins commercial dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. £5, mems £3, free before 9pm.

Burlesque Idol Lola LaBelle hosts the burlesque talent show, plus live comedy support.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 7.30pm-9pm. £10.

Eclectic Fridays Resident DJs play hip-hop, soul and house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Egg Presents Circus Yousef, Oliver Huntemann, Technasia and Lewis Boardman spin house and techno to launch a new monthly residency, with Akil Varinda, Matt Hardinge, Amor, KMP & Jambo, Hardytoby Lyons and Neil Browne in The Loft. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-6am. £10.

Gouranga DJs Marshall Jefferson, Eats Everything, Frenchy, Ravene Voluz, Real Nice, Matt Fear, Cubiq and Disco Stu spin house and disco. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113).

10pm-5am. £12, concs £10.

Huntleys & Palmers: Actress R.I.P. Album Launch Electronica, techno and dubstep courtesy of Actress and Helena Hauff. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 10pm-3am. £10.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane play R‘n’B, house, electro and hip-hop. Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010).

10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

Over The Moon Commander B, Jolly Roger, Ice, Spider, PnP and Prezident spin hip-hop, reggae and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-5am. £12, w/flyer £5, w/flyer free before 12.30am.

Roller Disco Old school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

Staunch Alex Arnout, Midland, Terror Danjah, No Artificial Colours, Rudimental, Dusky and Klose One spin electro and house. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760).

11pm-7am. £12, adv £10.

Tales Of The Unexpected DJs Dixon Brothers and Filthy Few play electro, punk, rock and swing, with a live performance from Captain Dangerous, plus burlesque and cabaret. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10, £8 before 10pm, guestlist £6 before 10pm, free before 9pm.

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SATURDAY 28 Bambara Recordings Presents DJs Mirko Loko, Alfredo Ramos, Glove, Jez Pereira, Fabrizia, Jade Cox, Gilbear, Mirko Lampis And Diego Becaris, Paul Barry And Jon Vamp and Carl Phil supply house and techno. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

3pm-3am. £15, free before 9pm.

DC7 & Angels Of Love Presents DJs Frankie Knuckles, Rino Cerrone, Pirupa, Irregular Synth, Paride Saraceni, Dema, Gianni Scotto, Gigi Squillante and Diego CK spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

10pm-10am. £20, adv £15.

Electric Deluxe Speedy J, Marcel Dettman and Marcel Fengler mix techno in the main room, while Tom Dicicco, Chris Stanford And Dax J, Gareth Wild, Fabio Mann and Mr F spin house and techno in room two, plus a live performance from Sandwell District. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). 10pm-6am. £15.

Fabric DJs Craig Richards, Steve Bug, Terry Francis, Steve Rachmad, Move D, Prosumer and Voigtmann spin house and techno across three rooms, plus Kate Simko performs live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, £23 inc CD, mems £13, NUS £12, £10 before 4am.

Infectious Grooves DJs Danny Oatz, MattMan and James O’Callaghan spin house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

Tief DJs Todd Terje, Morgan Geist, Miguel Campbell, KRL, Medlar, Chicago Damn, Casino Times, The Pushamann, Matt Neale And Stu Clark, Hesseltime and John Malcolm Moore mix disco, house and electronica, plus a live performance from Greymatter.

Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10pm-6am. £15.

SUNDAY 29 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maximus, Lee Edwards and Roch-Mix-Hard spin house and techno. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136).

11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight.

La Dolce Vita DJs David Marais, Future Filth, Kerol Garcia, Cole Jonson and DJ Opti spin house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 4pm-11pm. Free.

Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-9am. £12, £10 before midnight, w/flyer £6 before midnight, adv £8.

WetYourSelf! DJs Fabrizio Maurizi, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm6am. £10, NUS/mems £7, adv £5.

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FINAL 1495 Club Listings.indd 24

20/4/12 12:09:42

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MONDAY 23 360 Hip-hop and rap from Australian artist Matt Colwell.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £8.

We Are The In Crowd, The Summer Set, Super Prime Pop-punk and rock by the Poughkeepsie-based band performing songs from its debut album Best Intentions. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £10.

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Ryan Adams Acoustica from the alt country trailblazer and prolific singer-songwriter, playing old favourites as well as showcasing material from his album Ashes & Fire. London Palladium, Argyll St, W1F 7TF (0844 412 2704). £28.50-£38.50.

Xtatic Soul and funk outfit fronted

by Vanessa Haynes. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

FRIDAY 27

Duke Special, Foreign Slippers Vaudevillian pop-rock from the Belfast-based singer-songwriter.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £15.

Gomez The Southport-based five-piece performs indie-rock from its album Whatever’s On Your Mind. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £22.50.

Pat Martino Trio Modern jazz from the veteran ItalianAmerican guitarist and his band. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£40.

Jack White The American singersongwriter and frontman of The White Stripes performs rock and blues from his album Blunderbuss.

HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £30-£37.

Young Jeezy American artist Jay Wayne Jenkins performs hip-hop and rap from his album Thug Motivation 103: Hustlerz Ambition.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £26.50 & £35.

TUESDAY 24 Gaz Coombes, Fractures Indierock by the singer-songwriter and ex-member of Supergrass.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £12.

Kevin Drumm, Thomas Ankersmit, Helm Improvised music by the saxophonist-synth player.

Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £12, adv £10.

Luke Haines The singer-songwriter behind the eloquent indie of The Auteurs and Black Box Recorder performs solo material.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £15.

Skip ‘Little Axe’ McDonald Blues, dub and hip-hop from the Ohiobased artist. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10-£25.

Larry Miller The blues guitarist performs arrangements from his album Outlaw Blues.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £12, adv £10.

Scritti Politti Singer Green Gartside leads his post-punk and synth pop outfit. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15.

Ufomammut Heavy rock and psychedelia by the Italian band.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

Uh Huh Her Electro-pop by the Los Angeles-based band.

O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Joe Brown London-born veteran rock ‘n’ roll singer and guitarist.

Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £28 & £30.50.

LADY GAGA Twickenham Stadium. September 8 & 9. £50+ The princess of pop brings her Born This Way Ball to town, with handpicked Eighties throwback rockers The Darkness in support.

Whitton Rd, TW2 7BA

Twickenham

WEDNESDAY 25 Chairlift Electro-pop from the American two-piece.

The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £12.50.

Tony Christie Yorkshire-born veteran pop singer. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £20 & £25.

Matt Corby Pop-folk by the Australian singer-songwriter.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

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The Sunshine Underground Indie-rock band from Leeds.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.50.

THURSDAY 26 The Antlers Indie-rock from the Brooklyn-based three-piece. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Guy Davis Blues by the New York-based guitarist.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £14.

Camille, Mina Tindle The French singer-songwriter performs chanson pop from the album Ilo Veyou. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £18-£28.

Chicane Electronica and disco from the London-based act. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16.

Adrian Crowley & Gill Sandell Alt folk by the multiinstrumentalist and vocalist duo.

Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

Deolinda The Portuguese four-piece plays Fado. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £17.50.

Dwele Soul and R‘n’B by Detroitborn singer-songwriter, Andwele Gardner. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £22.50.

SATURDAY 28 Beverley Craven Acoustic pop from the singer-songwriter best known for the 1991 hit Promise Me. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £25.

Bombay Bicycle Club, Lianne La Havas, Rae Morris The London-based four-piece plays melodic indie-rock. Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY (020 8365 2121). £20.

Ane Brun The Stockholm-based Norwegian singer-songwriter and guitarist plays reflective alt pop and acoustic folk in support of her album It All Starts With One. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £14.

Comus, Fusion Orchestra 2, Purson Folk-rock and psychedelia by the band. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £18.

Soumik Datta’s Circle Of Sound The London-born sarod player collaborates with Austrian-born drummer Bernhard Schimpelsberger for avant-garde improvisation and contemporary Asian music.

Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £10, concs/NUS £7.

Miles Kane Indie-rock from The Last Shadow Puppets singersongwriter. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £15.

Kwesachu Electronic producers and songwriters Micachu and Kwes perform their Kwesachu 2-Mixtape.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £12, concs £6.

Deaf Havana, The Swellers Alt rock by the Kings Lynn-based band. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £12.

Example, Wretch 32 Electronic hip-hop and grime from the London-based rapper, Elliot John Gleave.The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £25.

Die Apokalyptischen Reiter Metal from the German outfit.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

The Dillinger Escape Plan The American outfit plays mathcore and experimental metal. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £17.25.

The Osmonds The 1970s American family band plays its pop hits, which include One Bad Apple, Down By The Lazy River, Let Me In and Love Me For A Reason.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £30-£95.

David Ford The Eastbournebased singer performs commerical Americana.

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). £10.

Simone Felice Group The American singer-songwriter, musician, poet and author leads his outfit in playing heartfelt acoustica and folk. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15.

Cara Dillon The singer-songwriter from Country Derry performs folk ballads. Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £20, adv £18.

Foster The People Psychedelic electro-pop from the Californian three-piece. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £15.

Placebo London-based alt rock three-piece featuring singer and guitarist Brian Molko. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £35.

La Linea: Afro-Cuban All Stars, Lokkhi Terra Latin music band from Cuba led by musician Juan de Marcos Gonzalez.

Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15-£26.

Martin Harley Band The singersongwriter and guitarist leads his acoustic blues and roots combo. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £14.50.

Jethro Tull Ian Anderson leads his band in playing rock with folk influences. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £25-£32.50.

Of Montreal Indie-rock and psychedelic pop band from the US performing songs from its new album Paralytic Stalks. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £14.50.

La Linea: Morgan Szymanski The guitarist performs a selection of Mexican music. Bolivar Hall at Venezuelan Embassy, Grafton Way, W1T 5DL (020 7584 4206). £10.

Graham Coxon Alternative rock from the painter and Blur singer-songwriter, in support of his album A+E. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £17.50.

O’Hooley And Tidow Alt folk with classical influences by the Huddersfield-based duo.

Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £12.

Never The Bride London-based pop-rock band. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £12.

Rachael Roberts The singer performs pop and film music.

The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £12.50.

Santigold The American singersongwriter performs new wave, dub and electronica from her album Master Of My Make-Believe.

Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £15.

Charlene Soraia Alt folk from the singer-songwriter.

Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £12.

Ruby Turner The ex-Culture Club member sings soul numbers.

Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £20-£60.

Live Politics, The Razzle, The Chase Indie-rock by the London-based band. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.

John Oates Pop-rock and Americana by the US-based singersongwriter and one half of Hall & Oates. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £25 & £30.

Tricky The artist plays hip-hop and rock from his 1995 album Maxinquaye with singer Martina Topley-Bird. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £35.

Martin Turner’s Wishbone Ash The ex-bassist of the band plays classic Wishbone Ash songs. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £17.50.

SUNDAY 29 Allami, Piccioni, Al-Khatib & Hbeisch Experimental rock with a world music flavour by the musician and colleagues. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £12 & £15.

Paradise Lost, Insomnium, Vreid Halifax-formed classic metal band performing songs from the album Tragic Idol. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £16.50.

The Used The American fourpiece plays alt rock and posthardcore in support of the album Vulnerable. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

Zum Gypsy and world music melange by the London-based band. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £28.50, under 12s £15.

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FINAL 1495 Music Listings.indd Sec1:25

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Clockwise from top: Lloyd gets on it; Irvine Welsh in 2010; Sinclair with Kristin Kreuk; overlooking Edinburgh

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20/4/12 13:20:26

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Searching for ecstasy Irvine Welsh’s tale of chemical highs and endless nights makes it to the big screen, and it’s a surprisingly sweet and romantic tale WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

“This is not Trainspotting 2,” actor Adam Sinclair says empatically of his new movie Ecstasy, when we meet ahead of the film’s premiere at Ministry of Sound. Despite originating from Irvine Welsh, the mind behind Danny Boyle’s Nineties Brit cinema firecracker, and being set in the same city, Edinburgh, with a similar backdrop of drug culture and those who indulge in it, Ecstasy is far from a sequel. “It’s Irvine’s attempt at a love story,” Sinclair says.

Rather than a group of delinquents actively fuelling their own self-destruction through the needle in their arm, Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy follows a similarly young group of Edinburgians whose pharmaceutical of choice is E. There’s Sinclair’s Lloyd, Billy Boyd’s DJ-cum-E-prophet Woodsey, and Keram Malicki-Sánchez’s best pal, Ally, all of whom are wrapped up in getting off their heads. Despite this, though, it’s not just a ‘drugs movie’.

“It looks at what ecstasy is – as a drug and as a word,” Boyd (The Lord Of The Rings trilogy) explains. “When people are searching for ecstasy, what is it they’re looking for? Woodsy is looking for some spiritual or religious meaning and sees ecstasy as a means of talking to god; Ally is trying to find it through organic food; and Lloyd’s looking for love.”

Clubhound Lloyd finds it in the arrival of Kristin Kreuk’s (Smallville) Heather, a gorgeous young Canadian who captivates him from the first time he catches sight of her across the dancefloor and whom he sees as his salvation from the dead end life he’s in.

But don’t let these lovelorn themes distract you from the fact that this is Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy, nor suggest that the provocative author’s source material has been toned down beyond recognition. With a subplot involving Lloyd’s drug-mule employment leading to a host of ‘suppositories’ scenes, and Woodsy’s ‘over-consumption’ resulting in mental institution incarceration akin to Jack Nicholson’s One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (including a rabble-rousing, “My drugs are better than your drugs” tirade), drugs are far from glamorised here and the journey’s often fraught.

“Irvine Welsh looks at why people take that drug,” Boyd reasons. “In Leith [a working-class area of Edinburgh] there is no employment, people have no aspiration and so they are looking for a way out. It’s heroin in Trainspotting and it’s ecstasy here.”

With Nineties nostalgia at a peak right now, and Welsh’s

source novel of short stories first published in 1996, you could be forgiven for seeing Ecstasy as a timely adaptation to chime with the zeitgeist for all things pre-millenial, yet it is nothing of the sort.

“It’s not set in any time, not the Nineties specifically,” Boyd says of the film. “I felt that it should have been, but Rob [Heydon, director] didn’t want to make a nostalgia piece and so the music is from all over.” For the lead cast, though,

“

Clubbing has become the mainstream now

”

there was an element of nostalgia about the film. “I was that guy,” Sinclair says of Lloyd, explaining that his research for the pill-popping lead role was carried out a long time before he become involved in the production.

“There are so many parallels to my own personal life.

I was never a drug mule, but it is set in the culture that I grew up in. I was the guy in the clubs on top of the ››

Adam Sinclair as Lloyd TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise from top left: Lloyd and Heather on Arthur’s Seat; Billy Boyd as Woodsy; director Rob Heydon; Woodsy’s incarceration

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there, there, and there’. So we went right in to the heart of Leith. At one point we were by the docks and this big fight kicked off, so I had to put on my thickest Scottish brogue just to get the Americans and Canadians out!”

Although intentionally not a nostalgia piece, Ecstasy does hark back to a time when clubbing was a counter-culture activity. “It [clubbing] has become the mainstream now,” Welsh laments. “Before it was quite transgressive, take a pill and dance in a field or factory, but now it is a consumerist pattern for going out. We have gone from being a cultural society to a consumerist one.”

This eye-on-the-prize mentality also runs through Ecstasy, whose Trainspotting connections serve a large part of the film’s marketing, its poster in particular. Although the focus of the film has widened from that in the book, taking in wider club culture, whereas Welsh’s story had the couple at its heart, this doesn’t worry the writer, who is quite sage when it comes to the adapting of his books, fully understanding they’re going to become, through necessity, a different beast.

The fact that Ecstasy wrankled with Scottish Screen, though, seems to support his theory about the quality of artistic endeavour being judged by those whom it offends.

“When I first started out I thought ‘this is nice’ because I was winding up some wankers,” Welsh recalls of the reaction his writing has engendered in some. “It was quite good fun and I still think it is a good benchmark for what you do – if you do something that is liked by cool people, that is only half the battle, to be truly great you have got to be detested by wankers as well!” ❚ Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy is out now through Winstone Films

Photos: Ben Pruchnie; Jeff J Mitchell

speaker with his hands in the air. I lived it,” he recalls, with a knowing glint in his eye. “I remember in Glasgow, going to a rave in the tunnels in Kelvingrove, which had been shut down. You’d get a torch and follow the music and the police were going in circles trying to find it, but the music was coming from underground.”

While research for the role was not a problem for Sinclair, the production’s long gestation – eight years from Heydon’s initial optioning of the novel to filming last year – brought a host of other concerns.

“I was worried I was getting too old for the part,” the 35-year-old reveals. “I was putting night cream on and had to work on my physique – the middle-age spread was coming on. But I’m a different person now to who I was when I first auditioned for it – then I was a single guy in London, now I am married, with two kids, living in Los Angeles.”

His Californian domicile may have contributed to the funding problem the film faced. Originally conceived as a Scottish-Canadian co-production, [national film agency] Scottish Screen rejected it for not being ‘Scottish enough’, a decision that clearly bemuses Sinclair when we broach the subject. Or as Welsh himself puts it: “They bring some halfwits into these things, I don’t know who makes these decisions but it’s such a stupid thing to say. You have Billy, me, and my book – how can it not be a Scottish film?”

Despite being resolutely Scottish – in origins, execution and humour – the film was shot in Canada, with 10 days of exteriors shot in Edinburgh itself, but when these were shown to Welsh he had certain constructive criticisms.

“We showed it to Irvine and he went – ‘that’s not the Edinburgh I know’,” Sinclair recalls of their picture-postcard flirtations. “We filmed the castle, Princes Street, the Royal Mile, the nice bits, but he got on Google maps and said ‘go TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TICKETS TO THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE DICTATOR a meeting at the United Nations.

When kidnapped and stripped of his signature facial hair, the dictator wanders the city and meets Zoey (Anna Faris), a beautiful and generous organic-food-store owner.

With the help of Zoey, our hero fights to get back on the throne of Wadiya and make sure that democracy never comes to the country he’s so lovingly oppressed. Also starring Ben Kingsley and Megan Fox. Enter at

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To celebrate the release of The Dictatorr, at cinemas everywhere May 16 (cert 15 TBC), we have teamed up with Paramount Pictures UK to offer you the chance to win a pair of tickets to the world premiere, plus accommodation, in London.

From the executive producer of Curb Your Enthusiasm (Larry Charles) comes the scripted and outrageously funny comedy, The Dictator. Sacha Baron Cohen plays General Aladeen, a rich, cruel and pitiless dictator of Wadiya, who heads to the US for

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Emi Wokoma The former Casualty actress now plays Tina Turner as the star of Soul Sister. She explains the challenges the role entails INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

How did you wind up playing Tina Turner onstage?

I first auditioned back in October. I did a Tina medley, a rocky number to show that I could really belt it out. I sang River Deep, Mountain High, and Don’t Let Go. How did you think it went at the time?

I was working as a fitness instructor, so I had to run from the gym to the audition and then back again. It was literally in and out.

That sounds stressful…

That is the life of an actress. You have got to be able to drop everything and go – to be able to switch on and then switch off.

Were you surprised to get the role?

Absolutely. I thought my agent was having me on and then she called me back and said: “Emi you have got the part, it’s all systems go.”

Simply the best: Emi as Tina Turner

Tina’s had had an up-and-down life. Did you have to much research?

I watched lots of Tina footage, and did lots of stamina building, because she is never still.

explains how Ike has come to be Ike. The script shows the other side of him, his talent. He was a talented and charming guy and had women eating out of the palm of his hands.

Does the show show consider her spirituality, too?

It looks at her strength and how she finds it through her religion – Buddhism.

How did you approach the relationship between Tina Turner and Ike? We looked at the reasons why she stayed with him [despite the domestic violence] because they had a complex relationship.

Chris Tummings is Ike. How did the show go about choosing someone?

I was cast first and then helped audition the Ikes. Chris is very charming and has a way with words, too, and so was perfect for the part.

It was a fun day, I can tell you that! We did three scenes, when Tina and Ike first met, when they fell in love and when their relationship broke down. These guys had to come in and show that kind of variation.

Is the civil rights movement involved?

The script lightly mentions the movement at the time – because you could talk about that forever – and the temperature of black culture.

The show covers 25 years of her life...

We go right up until she is established as a solo artist, from when she was 16 through to the Eighties, and you have to age her accordingly, through body language and confidence, because she is a very confident performer.

Any onstage mishaps?

I am such a naughty person. On stage I’m professional, but I can be quite mischievous.

What did you learn about Tina?

I learnt she absolutely adored Ike, not in a foolish way, and that they actually got on at some point. She felt she couldn’t leave him out of loyalty, it would have been easier to stay with him. Ike was also very misunderstood and I got that she understood how he saw the world in a different way – I realised why she stayed with him for so long, but when I was first involved, I just didn’t get it.

Do you have more empathy for Ike now than you did before?

The show does not excuse domestic violence – violence is violence at the end of the day – but he is human, and for every character that’s ‘bad’ there’s a reason why they are the way they are.

There’s a key speech in the show where Tina

Do you perform in your own voice or do you try to mimic Tina’s?

Tina Turner is in a league of her own, but it’s important to get her character and her spirit across. You don’t want to just do a copycat version of her, though.

Is the pressure on for you?

At the moment I am not thinking about the opening night, I’m just focusing on what I’m doing. When it gets a bit heavy, I go for a couple of boxing rounds – that’s I how I deal with it all.

Any examples?

I am not going to tell you now – I have gotten away with them. But this is the most serious I have been for some time, I have not played any pranks ... yet.

Soul Sister, Hackney Empire. Until May 5. £10£27.50 291 Mare St, Hackney, E8 1EJ hackneyempire.co.uk Hackney Central

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No one had told them the fancy dress theme had been cancelled?

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE FILM review by James Rundle STARRING: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L Jackson, Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth | 12A | 132mins

THE MONK FILM STARRING: Vincent Cassell, Josephine Japy | 15 | 101mins

Vincent Cassell stars in this adaptation of Matthew Lewis’s gothic novel, about an 18th-century Spanish monk whose lust for the flesh finds him at odds with the other clergy, with the object of his affection carrying an otherworldly secret to boot. Through films like Irreversible and Black Swan, Cassel has demonstrated a physical screen presence perfect for this complex role.

Out on general release from Friday

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Long in gestation, and feverishly anticipated, the live-action Avengers outing promises much and delivers on nearly every count.

Set one year after the events of Thor, Avengers Assemble deals with the return of Loki (Hiddleston) and his plans for intergalactic domination after falling into bed with a devilishly evil, and appropriately belligerent, alien force. After stealing a source of unlimited energy known as the Tesseract, it’s up to the collection of superheroes introduced over the last few Marvel Studios outings to stop him.

What follows is just over two hours of unabashed comic-book joy, laden with stunning visual effects. As expected, Downey shines as Tony Stark, Ruffalo proves more than adequate as the new Bruce Banner, while Evans, Hemsworth, Renner and Johansson play their roles with aplomb. Jackson delivers his usual solidity, and Hiddleston steals the screen with his deliciously unlikeable antagonist.

The real star of the show, however, is director Joss Whedon. Here, his greatest triumph isn’t the glorious spectacle of New York being destroyed, or the sublime CG, but in the breaking down of traditional characters so routinely abused in comic book films to date. Hulk, Iron Man and Thor, traditionally some of the more boring characters, become the most interesting. The plot falls under its own weight at several points, but the overall experience should satisfy even the most ardent aficionado of Marvel’s imagined universe.

GOOD FOR: Fans of Marvel and blockbuster cinema alike

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GIVE US A

BILL BAILEY

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Inspiration to trolls everywhere, Bill Bailey continues to show everyone why he’s one of the best stands-ups out there. Holing up in the intimate Leicester Square Theatre for his Qualmpeddler show, he points out why we should all be worried, and performs a dub version of Downton Abbey, too.

Ha ha!

Leicester Square Theatre WC2H 7BX. Apr 26, May 3 & 10, Jun 4 & 14–16. £17.50 Leicester Square leicestersquaretheatre.com

SHAKESPEARE WORLD FESTIVAL

NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Part of the London 2012 festival, this is a nationwide event that will stage some 70 productions of the Bard’s work. His most famous plays, Macbeth, A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Romeo And Juliet, and some lesser-known creations, will feature at venues such as the Globe, the National Theatre and the Barbican.

The single living-room location of Alan Ayckbourn’s 75th play Neighbourhood Watch sits comfortably in the intimacy of the Tricycle.

While not among his very best, it neatly and entertainingly highlights the pitfalls of taking matters into one’s own hands in the quest for law and order.

London and across the UK Various. Until Nov worldshakespearefestival.org.uk

Tricycle Theatre NW6 7JR. Until May 5. From £14 Kilburn tricycle.co.uk

MATT PARKER How do you become a standup mathematician? The trick’s to find an obscure intersection of two industries so you have little competition! I work part-time as a stand-up and also a part-time ‘maths communicator’. It’s not a very crowded Venn diagram.

What’s the strangest statistic?

UK life expectancy is going up so fast that if you spend two hours at our show, your life expectance will have increased by 24 minutes.

Why are people not as excited about maths as you? Most people base their impression on what they learnt as a 14-year-old. Few of my opinions have remained unchanged since I was that age.

THE MONK

LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

FILM

THEATRE

Glenn Close stars in this based-on-a-true-story film of a woman who poses as a man in order to find work in 19th-century Ireland, only to find her lies imprison her in a role from which she is destined never to escape. Rather than being a Mrs Doubtfire-styled comedy – with ‘comedy’ Scottish accents – this is a serious drama about society’s roles for men and women.

A hard-drinking actor father, a drug-addicted mother and a dissolute brother – Eugene O’Neill didn’t have to look much past his own family to find the characters in his drama of the dysfunctional, self-destructive Tyrons. Anthony Page’s assured production, which leaves you stirred, though not, perhaps, completely shaken.

On general release from Friday

Apollo Shaftesbury Avenue W1D 7EZ. Until Aug 18. From £21 Piccadilly Circus longdaysjourney.co.uk

Why is 496 your favourite number? That was my favourite number because if you take all the numbers that divide evenly into it and add them together they sum to 496 – a perfect number. Now my favourite number is 3435.

Your Days Are Numbered

Leicester

Square Theatre, WC2H 7BX. Apr 28, 7pm, 9.30pm/Apr 29, 5.30pm/Apr 30, 9pm. £12 Leicester Square leicestersquaretheatre.com

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SPECIAL

BROTHERS IN ARMS Dance veterans Orbital on coming full circle, and how they’re gearing up for this summer’s non-stop gig scene

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Party on: South West Four; below, Hot Chip The Olympics are just around the corner, it’s the Queen’s Jubilee, and with a rammed-to-bursting summer calendar, 2012 is one of the best years to enjoy a slice of the traditional British festival experience. There are events of all shapes and sizes: intimate one-day gigs in remote locations; three-day, inner-city pop-drenched spectacles; and festivals that feature the biggest names on the planet. With hundreds of events across London and up and down the country to choose from, we’ve put together your essential festival guide with the lowdown on the what, where and when you can’t afford to miss. So pack the sunblock, dig out the tent, it’s festival time!

LONDON FESTIVALS ...

FIELD DAY WHEN 2 May WHERE Victoria Park, Tower Hamlets THE VIBE Celebrating its fifth year, Field Day unleashes a kaleidoscope of genres, from pop to punk and dance to dubstep.

LINE-UP Franz Ferdinand, Modeselektor, Rustie, Gold Panda, Afrocubism.

TICKETS £45+ » fielddayfestivals.com INTERNATIONAL SKA FEST WHEN 3–6 May WHERE Islington Metal Works THE VIBE Showcasing ska stalwarts such as Jerry Dammers (The Specials) and Dreadzone Soundsystem, this event is the perfect place to get your funk on.

LINE-UP Dawn Penn,

Hotknives, The Pioneers, The Skints. DJs Mark Barrett, Andy Smith, Andy Attic.

TICKETS £122 » londoninternational skafestival.co.uk

CAMDEN CRAWL WHEN 4–6 May WHERE Camden THE VIBE A dazzling array of events across this northLondon indie-haven, with comedy, spoken word and more than 300 top bands.

LINE-UP Death in Vegas, Alabama 3, Sway, The Futureheads.

TICKETS £39+ » thecamdencrawl.com

➟

FESTIVAL TIPS...

It’s all about stamina – pace yourself and you’ll be alright.

Out of the blocks too fast and you’ll crash before the end.

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HIGHLIGHTS ON

ERYKAH BADU HMV HAMMERSMITH APOLLO ^

WED 27 JUNE

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SINGS THE BLUES

HMV HAMMERSMITH APOLLO - FRI 29 JUNE

RONNIE WOOD & FRIENDS CELEBRATING THE CHESS RECORDS LABEL HMV HAMMERSMITH APOLLO - SAT 30 JUNE

TOM JONES

PERFORMING HIS ACCLAIMED ALBUM 'PRAISE & BLAME' & TRACKS FROM HIS NEW ALBUM 'SPIRIT IN THE ROOM' HMV HAMMERSMITH APOLLO - SUN 1 JULY

FEATURED VENUE - O2 SHEPHERDS BUSH EMPIRE

THE ROBERT CRAY BAND TUE 26 JUNE ERIC BIBB WED 27 JUNE NICK LOWE THU 28 JUNE SOUTHSIDE JOHNNY & THE ASBURY JUKES FRI 29 JUNE BRAND NEW HEAVIES SAT 30 JUNE PLUS MANY MORE

LONDON: HMV HAMMERSMITH APOLLO, ROYAL ALBERT HALL, O2 SHEPHERDS BUSH EMPIRE, UNDER THE BRIDGE, ISLINGTON ASSEMBLY HALL FOR FULL FESTIVAL LINE-UP AND TICKETS GO TO:

BLUESFEST.CO.UK / 0844 844 0444 A FULL CIRCLE LIVE & ^SJM PRESENTATION

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL

EDITOR’S CHOICE...

HARD ROCK CALLING When 13-15 July Where Hyde Park The Vibe It’s fist-in-the-air stadium rock from The Boss, some slower, Africanthemed tunes from Paul Simon and his Gracelands record, and grunge titans Soundgarden bring their reunion show to the capital.

Line-up Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon, Soundgarden, Kids in Glass Houses, Amy Macdonald, Big Coutry, Guillemots, Iggy And The Stooges.

Tickets £50 per day » hardrockcalling.co.uk

I’LL BE YOUR MIRROR WHEN 25-27 May WHERE Alexandra Palace THE VIBE Curated by electronic avant garde musicians Mogwai, this alternative festival hosts a mountain of alternative genres, including grunge and thrash.

LINE-UP Mogwai, Slayer, Mudhoney, Afghan Whigs.

TICKETS £39+ » atpfestival.com APPLECART WHEN 3 June WHERE Victoria Park THE VIBE Folk, comedy, art cinema and magic combine to satisfy even the snobbiest festival-goer. This is a lively, fun, colourful day event, which boasts a must-see line-up of music, as well as comedy performances from the likes of Phill Jupitus.

LINE-UP Adam Ant, Noah And The Whale, Billy Bragg, Beth Jeans Houghton, Gaz Coombes.

TICKETS £35 » theapplecartfestival.com LOVEBOX WHEN 15-17 June WHERE Victoria Park, Tower Hamlets THE VIBE This has grown year-on-year to become one of London’s most popular events.

Hotting up: Friendly Fires 2012 marks the three-day festival’s 10th birthday, so it’s set to impress with some of the biggest electronic music acts.

LINE-UP Lana Del Ray, Friendly Fires, Hot Chip, Azealia Banks, Mike, Emeli Sande, Grace Jones.

TICKETS £29.50+ » lovebox.net

HOMELANZ WHEN 16 June WHERE Boston Manor Park THE VIBE Missing Australia or New Zealand? Check out all the best bits from home, with top tucker and the great sounds from bands from the southern hemisphere.

LINE-UP Prime Circle, Jayson Norris, Kora, Alex Lloyd, JT Mills Experence, Dave Gander, Anna Coddington.

TICKET £35+ » homelanz.co.uk HACKNEY WEEKENDER WHEN 23-24 June WHERE Hackney Marshes THE VIBE The UK’s biggest free-ticketed music event hosts worldwide acts and expects 100,000 punters.

LINE-UP Jay-Z, Florence + The Machine, Calvin Harris, Rihanna, Plan B, Bombay Bicycle Club.

TICKETS Free, to the lucky chosen ones. » bbc.co.uk/radio1/ hackneyweekend/2012

BLUESFEST WHEN June 26–July 6 WHERE London + Manchester THE VIBE Taking place in various venues across two cities, this top-class blues festival packs some heavyweight punches with world-class names fronting the bill. Be prepared to be more than impressed.

LINE-UP Sir Tom Jones, Van Morrison, Robert Cray, George Benson, Charles Bradley, Brand New Heavies, Ronnie Wood.

TICKETS £25+ » bluesfest.co.uk WIRELESS WHEN 6-8 July WHERE Hyde Park THE VIBE A pop fest in the centre of the city with an allstar A-list line up. It’s time to get your groove on.

LINE-UP Rihanna, Calvin Harris, Deadmau5, Labyrinth.

TICKETS £55+ » wirelessfestival.co.uk OLYMPICS CLOSING CEREMONY WHEN 12 August

WHERE Hyde Park THE VIBE Whether you’re celebrating gold medals or drowning your sorrows, this will ensure the greatest show on earth goes out with a bang.

LINE-UP Blur, New Order, The Specials.

TICKETS TBC » london2012.com/games/ ceremonies

SOUTH WEST FOUR WHEN 25–26 August WHERE Clapham Common, Clapham THE VIBE With a top line-up, it’s easy to see why this nonstop, up-for-it event is deemed London’s premiere electronic music festival.

LINE-UP Skrillex, 2manydjs, Chase And Status.

TICKETS £45+ » southwestfour.com A pair of VIP Rockness tickets Set on the banks of Loch Ness, Scotland, this indie, electro and rock festival has beautiful surrounds, a line-up with Deadmau5 and Biffy Clyro, and the chance to spot Nessie. VIP experience includes relaxation tent, hot showers and a panormaic view, too!

WIN

» rockness.co.uk

See tntmagazine.com/competitions

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL Brothers in arms: Paul and Phil Hartnoll

With their first album in eight years, Wonky, and festival dates across the country, Orbital are back, and it’s business as usual WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

It had been eight long years, but this spring saw the release of a new Orbital album, Wonky. The Hartnoll brothers, Paul and Phil, who erupted on to the rave scene at the end of the Eighties, were back, not just to ride the reunion train, but to pick up where they had left off.

After the success of Wonky, widely hailed as one of their finest and most complete records to date, the duo are taking to the road, and will be playing a host of festivals. As Phil explains when we catch up with him in a rare moment of calmness, the whole thing couldn’t have

been more natural for them. “It was never a master-plan to get back together, do some reunion gigs and then make an album,” he says.

“It was just one step at a time. But when we did the reunion shows, there was so much warmth from people that we continued for two years. It then came to a point where we either had to stop or write new tracks to inject into the live set.”

Having been back out on the live stage since the reunion shows in 2009, including a legendary show at Glastonbury in 2010, the brothers reconvened, with a new

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record firmly in their sights, and they decided to rope in an old friend, too, in the shape of producer/electronic music legend Flood. If that name doesn’t ring a bell, go home, check your record collection and see who exactly is on the sleeve notes to some of your favourite albums. He’s worked with the likes of U2 (The Joshua Tree), Smashing Pumpkins (Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness), PJ Harvey (Let England Shake), The Killers (Sam’s Town), and that’s just for starters.

“He is fantastic,” Phil nonchalantly gushes, confessing that snaring the famed

producer was somewhat serendipitous.

“Paul had worked with him before on another project, so when we decided to do an album I said, ‘Give him a ring’.

He’s normally booked up for two years in advance, but it just happened that he had a month free coming up. He was excited to get a call from us, actually.”

Flood brought, as the brothers explain, a holistic element to the record that saw it come together as a whole rather than a single-splattered collection of individually produced tunes.

“What he did was, for example, when we would come up with a breakbeat, he’d put it through synthesizers and tweak the sounds we’d already made and twist them in ways we hadn’t considered. He was a great guy to work with.”

Not a dance record as such but an electronic record, as Phil explains, Wonky has garnered some of the best reviews of the brothers’ careers – entering the UK charts at 22 and shifting more than 8000 copies in its first week of release. Orbital have already played a triumphant show this month at the prestigious Royal Albert Hall as part of a six-date ‘comeback’ tour.

“We have a whole new production,” Phil says of the performance which they’ll be taking out on the road for this summer’s festivals.

“The video artists that we’ve worked with over the years have generated a whole new ‘Orbital returns’ look for us.”

So was it daunting coming back together officially, to record new music rather than just to play the old stuff?

“When we went out doing live shows again for the reunion [their first show back together as Orbital was Rockness in 2009], we got into a sort of flow and freedom,” Phil says.

“Me and Paul were re-establishing ourselves as working together, because we had been doing different things, but it went so well. There was a sense of freedom similar to when we first started.

We had gone off and done our own thing and then found ourselves again.”

The duo were also ‘found’ by a large part of the British festival-going public, and will be seen by hundreds of thousands more this summer, too.

Headlining London’s Bloc weekend, playing Bestival, toplining the Slam Tent at Scotland’s iconically chaotic T In The Park, Phil and Paul will be unmissable.

“We haven’t done any of these festivals before,” Phil reveals, obviously stoked not just at the reception for the new record, but also for the gigs they have in store.

“Beat Herder looks like an interesting one, that came out of the free party rave

scene, so I’m looking forward to it, and Secret Garden Party looks like a lovely event,” Phil says.

“When we were out before, these festivals were just building up, now they are at a level where they can get people like us. We’re looking forward to it.”

Orbital are famed for their live shows, their lights-adorned headgear for one, and also for their improv approach to electronic music, and this year’s gigs won’t see them change tact. Tailoring their ‘Orbital returns’ performance for the festival circuit, they have tweaked the production, mostly to maximise its impact at the curtailed running times they can get at festival appearances.

“On our own headline show we play for ages, you can’t get rid of us,” Phil laughs.

“But at a festival, you kind of get an hour to pump it in there. On the tour, we have been starting with One Big Moment, the title track of the new album, and then we go straight into Halcyon [1992’s instantclassic], but at the festivals, we’ll just jump straight into Halcyon.”

Dipping into a back catalogue that spans more than 20 years, from their debut single Chime and follow-up Omen to mid-Nineties fave Satan (“it used to clear dancefloors in 1999,” Phil laughs as he recollects the stubbornness that has always driven their music and which saw this 1996 single earn an odd reception upon release before being latterly embraced) and The Saint (from the Val Kilmer-starring movie). And then, of course, there’s the recent singles New France and title track Wonky itself.

“We’ve always done what we wanted to do,” Phil says, by way of explanation for not just Orbital’s longevity, but also for their ability to remain relevant and ahead of the curve, before offering another reason as to why they have remained just that.

“I’m a hard person to stop dancing.

When I am not in Orbital, I’m out DJing, so I get my clubbing fix from there.

I don’t think I will ever stop dancing.”

With Orbital set to own this summer, you’re going to find it difficult to stop dancing, too.

» Orbital will be playing Beat-Herder Festival (Ribble Valley, Lancashire, June 30; beatherder.co.uk); Bloc Festival (London Pleasure Gardens, July 7, blocweekend.com); Secret Garden Party (Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire, July 21, secretgardenparty. com); Bestival (Isle of Wight, Sept 9, bestival. net); T in the Park (Balado, Kinross-shire, July 8, tinthepark.com) Wonky is out now on ACP Recordings.

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DE MONTFORT HALL & GARDENS, LEICESTER ADAM ANT & THE GOOD THE MAD & THE LOVELY POSSE • ASIAN DUB FOUNDATION • BILLY BRAGG CELEBRATES WOODY GUTHRIE’S 100TH BIRTHDAY THE BLACK SEEDS • CASHIER NO 9 • CLEAN BANDIT • CLOCK OPERA • DEATH IN VEGAS • DEER TICK • DJANGO DJANGO FRANCOIS AND THE ATLAS MOUNTAINS • FRIENDS • GHOSTPOET • GOLD PANDA • JACK BEATS • JONATHAN RICHMAN JUAN ZELADA • KATY B • THE LEICESTER ALL SKA’S REGGAE BIG BAND • LEWIS FLOYD HENRY • LIANNE LA HAVAS • LUCY ROSE MOLOTOV JUKEBOX • OCEAN COLOUR SCENE • OLUGBENGA (METRONOMY DJ) • PATRICK WOLF • THePETEBOX • PUBLIC IMAGE LIMITED REVEREND AND THE MAKERS • SPEECH DEBELLE • SWAY • TINY RUINS • tUnE-yArDs • THE TWILIGHT SAD • UNCLE FRANK • WILLY MASON AND MANY MORE!

TO BUY TICKETS AND FOR MORE INFORMATION WWW.SUMMERSUNDAE.COM / FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @SUMMERSUNDAE

UK FESTIVALS...

THE GREAT ESCAPE WHEN 10-12 May WHERE Brighton THE VIBE A huge festival with hundreds of acts as well hotels and hostels for those not keen on smelly tents.

LINE-UP DZ Deathrays, Maximo Park, We Are Scientists, Mystery Jets, Dry The River and more.

TICKETS £49.50 » escapegreat.com LIVERPOOOL SOUND CITY WHEN 17–19 May WHERE Liverpool THE VIBE Showcasing some of the biggest indie acts around for a three-day fun-filled party.

LINE-UP Alkaline Trio, Death In Vegas, The Temper Trap, Bear In Heaven, By The Sea. TICKETS £45 » liverpoolsoundcity.co.uk NOISILY WHEN 25-27 May WHERE Between Leicester and Market Harborough THE VIBE A relentless electronic party in a beautiful

Plan who you want to see, and make sure you know where and when they are playing so you avoid last-minute sprints across people-filled fields to catch your favourite act.

Keith Flint’s back to

location, with beautiful people and “unrestrained hedonism”.

LINE-UP Audio Bullys, Spektre, Mark Broom, Ed Solo.

TICKETS £65+ » noisilyfestival.com

LOVE SAVES THE DAY WHEN 3 June WHERE Castle Park, Bristol THE VIBE A team from Glastonbury have set up a festival purporting to be “a mecca for British music”.

LINE-UP Annie Mac, Roots Manuva, Bonobo, Mr Scruff.

TICKETS £25+ » lovesavestheday.org EVOLUTION WHEN 3–4 June WHERE Newcastle Upon Tyne THE VIBE After the success of previous years, expect more chart-topping acts than ever.

LINE-UP Dizzee Rascal, Maximo Park, Deadmau5, Miles Kane.

TICKETS Weekend from £35, day passes £25 » evolutionfestival.co.uk ROCKNESS WHEN 8–10 June WHERE Loch Ness, Scotland THE VIBE A festival on Loch Ness speaks for itself! Indie, electro, rock and everything else in between.

LINE-UP Biffy Clyro, Mumford & Sons, Deadmau5, Friendly Fires, Justice, Ed Sheeran, Noah and the Whale.

TICKETS £159 » rockness.co.uk

Biffy Clyro bring their oddly named rock to the Isle of Wight and Rockness ROUGH BEATS WHEN 8–10 June WHERE Clapham, North Yorkshire THE VIBE Hidden in the Yorkshire Dales, including weather-proof stages (expect it to rain, a lot).

LINE-UP Pulled Apart By Horses, Gryff Rhys, Azealia Banks.

TICKETS One day £30, weekend £65 inc camping » roughbeatsfestival.co.uk PARKLIFE WHEN 9–10 June WHERE Platt Fields Park, Manchester THE VIBE Expect this to be a mammoth carnival to welcome the summer, with top music and some of the best artists and bands of their respective genres.

LINE-UP Flaming Lips, Dizze Rascal, Justice.

TICKETS Weekend tickets £64.50 including booking fee » parklife.uk.com

GLADE WHEN 14–17 June WHERE Houghton Hall, Norfolk THE VIBE A full-on electronic music fest where you can party the night away as it’s licensed until 8am.

LINE-UP Daedalus, Sven Vath, Vitalic, Pretty Lights, Rusko.

TICKETS £135 » gladefestival.com BEACH BREAKS LIVE WHEN 4–18 June WHERE Pembrey Country Park, South Wales THE VIBE A British beach party (optimistic!) billed as “The UK student festival”.

You’ll love it or hate it…

LINE-UP Dizzee Rascal, Chase And Status, Friendly

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, TNT

FESTIVAL TIPS...

0116 233 3111

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL TICKETS £35+

» edenproject.com/sessions CORNBURY WHEN June 29–July 1 WHERE The Great Tew Park, Oxfordshire THE VIBE It’s a festival with a country fair atmosphere. It’s family-friendly, so expect kids to be running loose.

LINE-UP James Morrison, Jools Holland, Pixie Lott, Alison Moyet, Aloe Blacc.

TICKETS £65+ » cornburyfestival.com s back to start the fire at this year’s Download Fires, The Maccabees.

TICKETS Non-student weekend ticket £119 » beachbreaklive.com

GOLDEN DOWN WHEN 15–17 June WHERE Black Bush Valley, Hampshire THE VIBE Expect great chillout, hip hop and avante garde tunes at this relaxed affair.

LINE-UP Roots Manuva, Lee Scratch Perry, The Herbaliser.

TICKETS Weekend £125 » goldendownfestival.co.uk ISLE OF WIGHT WHEN 21–24 June WHERE Newport, Isle of Wight THE VIBE Rock gods and alternative kings take to the stage at this historic festival (Jimi Hendrix once played).

LINE-UP Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, Feeder, Tinie Tempah, Jessie J, Lana Del Ray TICKETS £190 (camping) » isleofwightfestival.com EDEN SESSIONS WHEN June 23–July 8 WHERE Eden Project, Cornwall THE VIBE More day events than a festival, so leave your tent at home. It’s set against the stunning backdrop of the project’s twin eco-domes.

LINE-UP Tim Minchin, Blink 182, Example, Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls, Plan B, Noah and the Whale, The Vaccines.

HOP FARM When June 29–July 1 WHERE Hop Farm, Kent THE VIBE Expect none other than Bob Dylan at this fest, which prides itself on no sponsorship or branding.

Just how Dylan used to be.

LINE-UP Bob Dylan, Peter Gabriel, Maximo Park, The Stranglers, Suede.

TICKETS Weekends £162 » hopfarmfestival.com BEAT HERDER WHEN June 29–July 1 WHERE Ribble Valley, Lancashire THE VIBE A fancy-dress themed electronic party in beautiful forest surroundings, with a mini village amongst the trees. A fantasy-festival.

LINE-UP Orbital, Mr Scruff, Lee Scratch Perry, James Holden, Goldie.

TICKETS £100+ » beatherder.co.uk NOVA WHEN 5–8 July WHERE Bignor Park, West Sussex THE VIBE From the people who brought us Big Chill comes a festival of arts, music, theatre, movies and comedy.

LINE-UP Ghostpoet, Speech Debelle, Norman Jay, Abandoman.

TICKETS Weekends £139 » novafestival.co.uk T IN THE PARK WHEN 6–8 July WHERE Balado, Kinross-shire, Scotland

THE VIBE One of the most popular festivals in Britain – some artists consider it the best around. Known for its lively audiences, too.

LINE-UP Snow Patrol, Calvin Harris, Stone Roses, Jessie J. TICKETS £179+ » tinthepark.com

WAKESTOCK WHEN 6–8 July WHERE Cardigan Bay, Wales THE VIBE Europe’s biggest wakeboard music fest, with DJs and bands overlooking the beaches of Cardigan Bay. LINE-UP Calvin Harris, Zane Lowe, Katy B, The All American Rejects.

TICKETS £100+ » wakestock.co.uk LARMER TREE When 11–15 July WHERE Larmer Tree Gardens, Wiltshire/Dorset border.

THE VIBE With more than 70 diverse artists, hundreds of free workshops, comedy, street theatre, carnival processions

and great music it’s no surprise this festival has lasted 22 years.

LINE-UP Amadou And Mariam, The Levellers, Jools Holland, Tim Minchin.

TICKETS £140+ » larmertreefestival.co.uk

LATITUDE WHEN 13–15 July WHERE Henham Park, Sunrise Coast, Suffolk THE VIBE With some incredible activities, including a literary arena, contemporary art exhibitions, forest and lakeside stages, this is the festival for culture (and the cous-cous middle classes).

LINE-UP The Modfather Paul Weller, Elbow, Bon Iver, Jack Dee, Tim Minchin.

TICKETS £75+ » lattitudefestival.co.uk GUILFEST WHEN 13–15 July WHERE Stoke Park, Guildford THE VIBE It’s been nominated twice as the best mediumsized festival in the UK,

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL NOZSTOCK WHEN 27–29 July WHERE Bromyard, Herefordshire THE VIBE With sounds from folk to punk and a myths and legends theme, this festival is “a rural slice of English eccentricy”, according to Russell Howard.

LINE-UP The Proclaimers, Dreadzone, Skinny Listers, The Correspondents.

TICKETS £80 weekend » nozstock.com

so expect this to be busy.

LINE-UP Olly Murs, Jools Holland, Jimmy Cliff, Tim Minchin, Tulisa.

TICKETS Weekend £135.50 » guilfest.co.uk

VINTAGE WHEN 13–15 July WHERE Boughton Estate, Northamptonshire THE VIBE A unique venture featuring music from the 40s – 80s, alongside seriously dressed-up punters.

LINE-UP Sergio Mendes, Nouvelle Vague, St Etienne.

TICKETS £139 weekends » vintagefestival.co.uk SECRET GARDEN PARTY WHEN 19-22 July WHERE Huntgindon THE VIBE Winner of best small fest in 2010, SGP is hugely popular among flamboyant creative types.

Friendly people, magical surroundings and activities, what more could you want?

LINE UP Orbital, Little Roy, The Ladykillers, King Charles, KT Tunstall, Little Dragon, Passenger, Utah Saints.

TICKETS Weekend £195 » secretgardenparty.com TRUCK WHEN 20–21 July WHERE Hill Farm, Steventon

THE VIBE A rock, indie and electronica fest with ‘a little touch of village’.

LINE-UP The Temper Trap, Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly, Mystery Jets, The Low Anthem.

TICKETS Weekends £59+ » thisistruck.com

REWIND WHEN 20–22 July WHERE Scone Palace, Perth, Scotland THE VIBE A good reason to head north, Rewind looks set to smash it again this year with its retro-line up, eclectic mix of street entertainment, karaoke, funfairs, and, yes, luxury loos.

LINE-UP Midge Ure, UB40, Right Said Fred, The Village People, Rick Astley.

TICKETS Weekends £95, days £50 » rewindfestival.com DEER SHED WHEN 20–22 July WHERE Baldersby Park, Topcliffe, North Yorkshire THE VIBE Having sold out last year, and with a huge 90acre site, expect circus cabaret, headline music and arts.

LINE-UP Saint Etienne, Dutch Uncles, Club Smith, Cashier No 9, Villagers.

TICKETS £69+ » deershedfestival.com

EDITOR’S CHOICE...

DOWNLOAD WHEN June 8-10 WHERE Donnington park, Leicestershire THE VIBE Now in its tenth year, with Sonisphere bowing out, this is arguably the number one hard rock festival in the UK, with a line up to die for, including a special Black album performance from metal titans Metallica.

LINE-UP - Metallica, Prodigy, Black Sabbath, Soundgarden TICKETS From £190 for weekend passes » downloadfestival.com

CAMBRIDGE FOLK FEST WHEN 26–29 July WHERE Cherry Hinton Hall THE VIBE One of the longestrunning festivals in the world, this popular event is renowned for its folk-focused line up.

There are also music workshops and a young musician competition.

LINE-UP Billy Bragg, Four Men And A Dog, The Proclaimers.

TICKETS Weekends £120 » cambridgefolkfestival.co.uk

WOMAD WHEN 27–29 July WHERE Charlton Park, Malmesbury, Wiltshire THE VIBE Womad prides itself on having a little bit of everything, with music, art and beautiful installations littering the landscape.

LINE-UP Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra, Orquestra Buena Visa Social Club, Raghu Dixit, The Small Gods.

TICKETS Weekends £135 » womad.co.uk GLOBAL GATHERING WHEN 27–29 July WHERE Long Marston Airfield, Stratford-Upon-Avon THE VIBE Undeniably one of the top international electronic music festival brands, GG boasts a tireless 12 stages of serious techno, house, trance, and drum ‘n’ bass for the energetic clubhounds.

LINE-UP Chase And Status, Tinie Tempah, Armin Van Buuren, Maverick Sabre.

TICKETS £105+ » globalgathering.com

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Photos: Marc De Goot

Back for good: the Stone Roses bring their reunion show to the summer

MAGIC LOUNGEABOUT WHEN 27–29 July WHERE Broughton Hall, Yorkshire THE VIBE Aside from the great name, this promises to be one of the most imaginative festivals in the North and the ultimate escape to the country.

Don’t miss out.

LINE-UP Chic, The Charlatans, Lucy Rose, Benjamin Francis Leftwich.

TICKETS Weekends £119 » themagicloungeabout.net

FESTIVAL SPECIAL CAMP BESTIVAL WHEN 26-29 July WHERE Lulworth Castle, Dorset THE VIBE One of the premiere summer events.

Expect fairground-style fun, art performances as well as rock and electronica.

LINE-UP Happy Mondays, Kool and the Gang, DJ Yoda.

TICKETS Weekends £185 » campbestival.net

BEAUTIFUL DAYS WHEN 17–19 August WHERE Escot Park, Devon THE VIBE This awardwinning event will host six stages of music, comedy, food and real ale bars.

LINE-UP Richard Thompson, Inspiral Carpets, The Waterboys, Frank Turner, Public Image Ltd. TICKETS £120+ » beautifuldays.org

FOR FESTIVAL FASHIONISTAS

STANDON CALLING WHEN 3–5 August WHERE Standon, Hertfordshire THE VIBE Swimming pools, secret stages and creative colourful installations are just a few reasons why you should go here. Oh, and it’s only 40 minutes from London.

LINE-UP Death in Vegas, Beardyman, Fat Freddys Drop, Field Music.

TICKETS Weekends £99 » standon-calling.com

GREEN MAN WHEN 17–19 August WHEN Glanusk Park, Wales THE VIBE Set amongst truly spectacular scenery, Green Man is back with its famous mix of fun and frolicking, and the odd spot of music, comedy, art workshops and shows.

LINE-UP Van Morrison, Adam Buxton, Cashier No 9.

TICKETS £145+ » greenman.net

Pearl Jam get ready to rock the Isle of Wight

Photos: Marc De Goot

BOOM TOWN FAIR WHEN 9-12 August WHERE Matterly Estate, Hampshire THE VIBE A town packed with restaurants, houses, back alleys, stages and cinemas, is constructed. Or, as the organisers say, it’s “the UK’s maddest city.” One of a kind.

LINE-UP Reel Big Fish, Asian Dub Foundation, Caspa TICKETS £90+ » boomtownfair.co.uk WILDERNESS WHEN 10–12 August WHERE Cornbury Park, Oxfordshire THE VIBE This is billed as a celebration of the arts, but also expect cricket, top meals and stunning surroundings.

LINE-UP Wilco, Spiritualized, Field Music, Stornoway TICKETS £119+ » wilderness festival.com

V FESTIVAL WHEN 18–19 August WHERE Hylands Park, Essex/ Weston Park, Staffordshire THE VIBE Chart-topper-tastic.

This event pulls in big bands – and you’re bound to see the cast of TOWIE. LINE-UP The Stone Roses, The Killers, Snow Patrol, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds.

TICKETS Weekends with camping £190.50 (sold out) » vfestival.com GREEN BELT WHEN 24–27 August WHERE Cheltenham Racecourt THE VIBE Evolved from a Christian festival, Green Belt promises high-profile talks and top music.

LINE-UP Peter Tatchell, The Proclaimers.

TICKETS Weekends £99 » greenbelt.org.uk

CREAMFIELDS WHEN 24–26 August WHERE Daresbury, Cheshire THE VIBE This famed dance party is renowned for being one of the biggest and best electronic raves around.

LINE-UP David Guetta, Tiesto and Calvin Harris, Creamfields, Sub Focus, Eric Prydz, Example, Groove Armada, Deadmau5, Richie Hawtin.

TICKETS Two-day £135 » creamfields.com READING AND LEEDS WHEN 24–26 August WHERE Richfield Avenue, Reading/Bramham Park, Leeds THE VIBE In Glasto’s absence this is the biggie, promising some huge names in rock spread across two sites.

LINE-UP Foo Fighters, Kasabian, Bombay Bicycle Club, Florence + The Machine.

TICKETS Weekends £197.50, day passes from £85

» readingfestival.com » leedsfestival.com END OF THE ROAD WHEN Aug 31–Sept 2 WHERE Larmer Tree Gardens, North Dorset THE VIBE Set in an enchanted forest, with oldfashioned ‘plain good music’.

LINE-UP Grizzly Bear, Mark Lanegan Band, Grandaddy.

TICKETS Weekends £150 » endoftheroadfestival.com BESTIVAL WHEN 6–9 September WHERE Robin Hill Country Park, Isle of Wight THE VIBE The most upcoming of the British festivals, with a hippy vibe.

LINE-UP Stevie Wonder, New Order, The XX, Soulwax, Sigur Ros, Friendly Fires, Orbital, Spiritualized, SBTRKT. TICKETS £180+ » bestival.net A pair of tickets to Creamfields!

Creamfields is one of the biggest and most beloved dance festvials in the UK, and this year boasts a lineup that includes The Chemical Brothers, Eric Prydz, David Guetta, Deadmau5, Tiesto, and Paul van Dyk, to name but a few. Spead over three days in the Cheshire countryside over the August Bank Holiday weekend, this is an opportunity not to miss.

WIN

» creamfields.com

See tntmagazine/competitions

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL

FURTHER AFIELD ■ BONNAROO June 7-10, Manchester, Tennessee, US This 700-acre, multi-stage event tours the entire musical landscape from rock, to indie, by way of electronica, hip hop, and country, of course.

Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Beach Boys star this year. » bonnaroo.com

■ LOLLAPALOOZA

QUICK CHAT WITH: DAVE GORMAN Travelling the world to find other people called Dave Gorman, driving across the United States without utilising the services of any major chain stores, restaurants, petrol pumps or hotels; Dave Gorman has had a strange life as a comedian and author. He started out writing for The Fast Show and The Mrs Merton Show before striking out on his own, and has emerged as a wry storyteller with an acerbic wit and a shrewd political observationist. He also has a soft spot for festivals, as CLARE VOOGHT discovers.

absurd. It takes about four hours to become immune to it all.

Is it hard performing comedy at festivals where people are there for the music?

This is one of the things where Latitude is different – lots of people go there and don’t watch any bands, they watch theatre and the diverse, weird mix of things going on. With the literary tent, where I am, you see people 20 minutes before it starts, making out their patch at the front. Last time I was on the same time as Blondie. I felt like saying: “Go and watch Blondie! You might not get another chance!”

Your new book Dave Gorman Vs The Rest Of The World is out – is writing for the page different to writing for the stage?

Writing is something you get better at but I never find it easy – it all happens at 3am, when I can’t be distracted. You read about authors who say they get up and write 1000 words before breakfast, but I can’t do that.

What’s the best part of playing a festie?

Seeing things I wouldn’t have paid for. I saw Robbie Williams at T In The Park once – not my style, and you couldn’t say he didn’t do a decent job.

What’s your best festival memory?

I was with the woman who’s now my wife. We were at Latitude and walked past one of the lakes where there was a big wedding. We were going to join in but then walked past. My favourite memory is deciding not join in on that day as it would spoil it if I ever did it for real.

What’s the most absurd thing you’ve seen at a festival?

What’s odd is how quickly you accept the

Who are your comedic idols?

If you ask me tomorrow, it’ll be a different list, but today: John Hegley was inspirational, I grew up adoring Morecambe and Wise, I love Bill Bailey, Tim Minchin – the list never ends.

Any tips for up-and-coming comedians?

Australian Celia Pacquola is just fantastic.

What do you do in the downtime on tour?

You don’t have a lot of free time – I usually have two hours to kill, which is not enough to be a tourist. I’ll often put something on Twitter saying, “Anyone fancy a game of darts?” and then meet strangers and play darts in a pub.

Any other projects on the backburner?

With the book and tour I’m busy but not creating. I’ve never thought “my next book will be about this”. They come as things happen.

When I get ‘unbusy’ I’ll start living again.

» Dave Gorman will be reading excerpts from Dave Gorman Vs The Rest Of The World at Latitude Festival, Southwold, Suffolk. July 12-15.

He’s currently on tour with Dave Gorman’s Powerpoint Presentation and will play London’s Southbank centre on June 16. » davegorman.com

Aug 3-5, Grant Park, Chicago, US The king of alternative rock festivals, dating back to when the very term was coined. This Perry Farrellcreated event welcomes The Black Keys, Black Sabbath and Jack White. » lollapalooza.com

■ FUJI ROCKS July 29-31, Naeba Ski Resort, Niigata, Japan The Stone Roses and Radiohead are confirmed for this long-running Japanese alt-rock festival. » fujirockfestival.com

■ KAZANTIP Aug 4-11, Crimea, Ukraine Not a festival, but a selfconfessed ‘project’, this off-kilter, electronic music and performance bash promises the unexpected.

In a world of corporate, branded experiences this one stands out by a country mile. » kazantip-republic.com

■ SUMMER SONIC Aug 18-19, Tokyo and Osaka, Japan Garbage, Green Day, Death Cab For Cutie, New Order, Calvin Harris, Sigur Ros, Azealia Banks. This festival has one of the best line-ups going, so get a ticket, jump on a flight, and combine it with some Eastern experiences. » summersonic.com

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Banging: Bilbao BBK; below, Franz Ferdinand

FESTIVAL SPECIAL

EUROPEAN FESTIVALS ...

Magnetic Man, Lana Del Rey, Fatboy Slim, James Murphy.

TICKETS £126 » sonar.es.

SPRING FESTIVAL WHEN 16-20 May WHERE Graz, Austria THE VIBE Taking place in various cities, these events boast art, design and a host of alternative electronic music including IDM, post-garage, avante garde, drone and thumping drum ‘n’ bass.

LINE-UP The Shoes, Scratch Perverts, Skream, Modeselektor.

TICKETS £24-£130 » springfestival.at PINKPOP WHEN 26–28 May WHERE Landgraaf, Netherlands THE VIBE This may be the oldest pop festival in Europe, but there’s definitely life in the old dog yet. Expect three stages and 38 international acts to blow you away.

LINE-UP Bruce Springsteen, Bombay Bicycle Club, Chase And Status, James Morrison.

TICKETS £130 » pinkpop.nl

INMUSIC WHEN 26–30 June WHERE Zagreb, Lake Jarun, Croatia THE VIBE Held on the stunning Lake Jarun in Zagreb, with some huge acts and a famously friendly crowd, InMusic is bound to impress.

LINE-UP Gogo Bordello, The Cranberries, Franz Ferdinand, Mando Diao, Plan B. TICKETS £43+ » inmusicfestival.com ROCK AM RING WHEN 1–3 June WHERE Nurburgring Racetrack, Germany THE VIBE Along with its sister festival, Rock Im Park, it echoes Reading/Leeds with its sharing of acts. It also boasts some of the heaviest guitarbased music around.

LINE-UP Linkin Park, Soundgarden, Gossip, Metallica, Offspring, Motorhead, Marilyn Manson,

and Die Toten Hosen.

TICKETS Sold out » rock-am-ring.com

SONAR WHEN 14–16 June WHERE Barcelona, Spain THE VIBE Mixing pop, urban and art, this cool city festival, which takes places in two different locations will hit the right spot whatever your fussy music preference.

LINE-UP New Order, MIA,

HIDEOUT WHEN June 29–July 1 WHERE Zrce Beach, Island of Pag, Croatia THE VIBE Jump on a boat and

FESTIVAL TIPS...

Don’t pitch your tent near the toilets – they might be fresh when you arrive, but by the time you leave, they’ll be humming.

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL

EDITOR’S CHOICE.....

BILBAO BBK WHEN 12–14 July WHERE Bilbao, Spain THE VIBE You’ll be bowled over by the staggering mix of chart-topping bands at this friendly festival, which has grown to become one of Europe’s best-loved.

Sun, sand and non-stop entertainment – what more could you want?

LINE-UP The Cure, Bloc Party, Snow Patrol, Garbage, Radiohead.

TICKETS £88 » bilbaobbklive.com

party all day or take a swim against the backdrop of some banging bass music.

LINE-UP Annie Mac, Skream & Benga, Lomo Dice, Andy C. TICKETS £99+ » hideoutfestival.com

HEINEKEN OPEN’ER WHEN 4–7 July WHERE Gdynia, Poland THE VIBE Boasting modern art, film festivals, a load of gypsy-punk, reggae, indie and drum ‘n’ bass, this thumping festival has something for even the fussy tastes.

LINE-UP Franz Ferdinand, Jamie Woon, Public Enemy.

TICKETS £80 » opener.pl GARDEN FESTIVAL WHEN 4-11 July WHERE The Garden, Tisno, Croatia THE VIBE Held beside the sea, this event boasts a friendly and chilled-out atmosphere.

Loads of electronic music, sunshine and swimsuits.

LINE-UP 2020 Soundsystem, Free School, Steve Cobby (Fila Brazilia), Adam Regan.

TICKETS £90- £150; boat party £15 per trip » thegardenfestival.eu ROSKILDE WHEN 5-8 July WHERE Roskilde, Denmark

THE VIBE It’s been around since 1971 and is the biggest festival in north European culture. Expect 100,000 revellers, performers and artists at this crazy, colourful and open-minded celebration.

LINE-UP Friendly Fires, The Roots, Bruce Springsteen, The Refused, The Cure, Cerebral Ballzy.

TICKETS £198 » roskilde-festival.dk

SPLASH WHEN 6–8 July WHERE Ferropolis, Germany THE VIBE Chill-out at this hip hop and reggae festival on the German archipelago of Ferropolis. Featuring some quality European and worldwide urban tunes, live graffiti and great German beer to boot.

LINE-UP De la Soul, Major Lazer, Nas, Skream.

TICKETS £85+ » splash-festival.de BENICASSIM WHEN 12–15 July WHERE Castellon, Spain THE VIBE A huge festival popular with the Brits, this year promises no let up in the massive celebration. Expect sun, sea and silliness with this absolute gem of a party, with a top line up of headline acts.

LINE-UP Stone Roses, New Order, Crystal Castles, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds TICKETS £143. » fiberfib.com ELECTRIC ELEPHANT WHEN 12-16 July WHERE The Garden, Tisno, Croatia THE VIBE Dance your socks off to electronic beats while soaking up the rays.

LINE-UP Michael Mayer, Andrew Weatherall, A Love From Outer Space, Justin Robertson.

TICKETS £90+ » electricelephant.co.uk EXIT WHEN 12–15 July WHERE Novi Sad, Serbia THE VIBE You won’t want to

go home after cutting some shapes to big-name acts at this buzzing four-day event.

LINE-UP Guns and Roses, Duran Duran, Feliz Da Housecat, New Order, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs.

TICKETS £95+ » exitfest.org

MELT! WHEN 13–15 July WHERE Ferropolis, Grafenhainichen, Germany THE VIBE This year promises acts you wont find elsewhere on the festival circuit, alongside the likes of Two Door Cinema Club and Gossip.

LINE-UP Lana Del Rey, Nero, Squarepusher, Flux Pavillion.

TICKETS £103 » meltfestival.de SOUNDWAVE WHEN 19-23 July WHERE Garden, Croatia THE VIBE In the new festival capital of Europe, Croatia, this

boutique event has some top acts and a glorious setting.

LINE-UP Ghostpoet, DJ Yoda, De La Soul, Submotion Orchestra, Belleruche, Craig Charles, Teebs, Anchorsong TICKETS £105 four day ticket » soundwavecroatia.com

TOMORROWLAND WHEN 25–30 July WHERE Boom, Belgium THE VIBE A fairytale-style festival, packed with different underground electronic music genres, from hardhouse to psytrance, and electro to gabba.

LINE-UP Pendulum, David Guetta, Fatboy Slim, Carl Cox. TICKETS £140 » tomorrowland.be STOP MAKING SENSE WHEN 2–6 August WHERE Petrcane, Croatia THE VIBE Croatia continues to prove its worth with another stunningly located festival right by the sea. Enjoy fun,

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FESTIVAL SPECIAL THE VIBE This isn’t called Europe’s leading bass music festival for nothing. Expect four days of incessant partying with stunning surroundings, a friendly crowd, and a huge party in a castle.

LINE-UP Fat Freddy’s Drop, Skream, Andy C, DJ Zinc.

TICKETS £135 » outlookfestival.com

Get carried away: at Pukkelpop frolicking and frying in the sun, with beach sports, music and a top atmosphere.

LINE-UP Lil’ Louis, Jimmy Edgar, Tortured Soul, Chris Coco.

TICKETS £100+ » stopmakingsense.eu

OFF WHEN 3–5 August WHERE Katowice, Dolina Trzech Stawow, Poland THE VIBE Set in a huge park, this festival hosts independent arts and culture events, along with exhibitions, screenings and music.

LINE-UP Henry Rollins, Atari A pair of tickets to Glade!

Beginning as a renegade sound system at the Glastonbury festival before settling at its new spiritual home in Norfolk, Glade is an unmissable electronic music fest featuring the likes of Sven Vath and Vitalic.

This year it also boasts a spanking new woodland crater stage The Meteor, and an 8am licence to keep the party going all night and we’ve got a pair of tickets to give away.

WIN

» gladefestival.com

See tntmagazine.com/competitions

Teenage Riot, Death In Vegas, Spectrum. Metronomy, Iggy and the Stooges, Battles.

TICKETS £39+ » off-festival.pl

SZIGET WHEN 6–13 August WHERE Obudai Island, Budapest, Hungary THE VIBE It may be held on a small island, but Sziget boasts a stunning location.

This rock festival attracts hundreds of thousands of punters to see some of the world’s biggest acts.

LINE-UP Stone Roses, Two Door Cinema Club, Korn, Subways.

TICKETS £99+ » sziget.hu FLOW WHEN 8–12 August WHERE Suvilahti former power plant, Helsinki, Finland THE VIBE A party in a power plant? Judge for yourself, but you can guarantee that what this festival lacks in foliage, it makes up for in energy and effort. With top names and an expanded venue this year, Flow will deliver.

LINE-UP Flying Lotus, Four Tet and Caribou, Bjork, Bobby

Womack, Frank Ocean.

TICKETS £110 » flowfestival.com

WAY OUT WEST WHEN 9-11 August WHERE Goteborg, Sweden THE VIBE You’ll be grooving away to an eclectic line-up of top acts from electronica, pop and and rock, at this large, international festival.

LINE-UP Blur, Refused, Black Keys.

TICKETS £177 weekends » wayoutwest.se PUKKELPOP WHEN 16–18 August WHERE Kempische Steenweg, Kiewit, Belgium.

THE VIBE Celebrating more than 25 years of full-on festival fun with around 200 acts, across eight stages and some of the biggest bands you will be able to find anywhere on the planet.

LINE-UP Bjork, The Stone Roses, Foo Fighters, Black Keys.

TICKETS TBC » pukkelpop.be OUTLOOK WHEN August 30–Sept 3 WHERE Fort Punta Christo, Pula, Croatia

DIMENSIONS WHEN 6–9 September WHERE Fort Punta Christo, Pula Croatia THE VIBE This electronic music festival includes boat parties, beach gigs and castle concerts. Held in stunning surroundings as well as boasting good music and a raving, mad-for-it crowd, you can’t go wrong.

LINE-UP Little Dragon, Moodymann, Gold Panda, Ben Klock, Joy Orbison.

TICKETS £130 » dimensionsfestival.com GROOVEFEST WHEN 5–12 September WHERE Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic THE VIBE Held in a plush five-star beach resort, with free drinks and a seven-day relentless festival in the sun, it all looks pretty inviting. Other events include late night raves in a roman amphitheatre and boat parties.

LINE-UP Kenny Dope, Jamie Jones, Dennis Ferrer.

TICKETS £800+ » groovefestevents.com BERLIN FESTIVAL WHEN 7–8 September WHERE Tempelhof, Berlin, Germany THE VIBE Continuing the frenetic pace for which this event has become renowned, expect cutting-edge music and world renowned acts.

LINE-UP SBTRKT, Franz Ferdinand, Digitalism, Bonaparte, Orbital, The Killers, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Friendly Fires, Metronomy.

TICKETS £72 » berlinfestival.de

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SPARETIME

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Prototype 2 Playstation 3

Take the role of a shapeshifter cutting a bloody swathe through New York. £37.97 asda.com

CD

The White Stripes artist makes his solo debut. £8.95 zavvi.com

Tenacious D: Rize Of The Fenix

Angry Birds Space PC

The birds find themselves in a galaxy surrounded by pigs. £7.99 base.com

CD

Jack Black and the gang are back with their first album in six years. £14.18

Marvel AR

grooves-inc.co.uk

Android app

Point your camera at any Marvel AR logo and call up comics, videos and 3D shorts.

Free play.google.com

Suzanne Collins: The Hunger Games Kindle book

See nt ehfilm? Now read the story of a gameshow where you kill or die. £3.46 amazon.co.uk

Zombies, Run! iPhone app

Reluctant runners can now introduce a scary story into their regime. £5.49

Donovan Hohn: Moby-Duck

apple.com/uk/itunes

Book

Follow the writer on an ocean quest to find 28,800 rubber ducks drifting at sea. £8.75

Verso cover Kindle and Kindle Touch

Keep your Kindle safe and looking stylish. £26.99 amazon.co.uk

bookdepository.co.uk

The Morgana Show DVD

iFoolish Doodle case

Prepare to laugh out loud at hilarious celeb send-ups. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

iPhone gadget

Protection for your phone, and you can doodle your way to your heart’s content. £14.95 gadgets.co.uk

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo DVD

The first in the Hollywood three-picture adaptation of the Stieg Larsson book. £11.49 play.com

App of the Week London Jigsaw iPhone app

Time to test your London geography. This app scrambles up the capital’s landmarks and it’s your job to put the pieces together again.

Free itunes.apple.com

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Anzac Day BBQ Commemorate with In association with

Elk Bar, Fulham Wednesday 25th April 12noon till Late EVENT DEATILS Two Up Tournament AFL Screening Live music from Brooke Supple DJ Entertainment Anzac biscuits and BBQ food Drink specials

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

CIRCUS CIRCUITS Enjoy acrobatics? Gym Box have, true to form, come up with yet another wonderful but slightly deranged form of exercise. Yes, their new suggestion for getting healthy is by being vertically challenged with their new Circus Circuits class.

The session is based on traditional circuits (fast-paced resistance and aerobics training exercises repeated over and over), but with a circus-esque slant.

You’ll be working your muscles and honing that bod, not with weights, squats and push ups, but using a trapeze, stilts, ropes and hoops.

And what are the benefits of risking life and limb like that?

All-over body conditionaing and improved core strength, with the added ingredient of adrenaline to spur you on with your workout. And for all the clumsy kids out there – it also teaches you brilliant balance.

It might help to learn that model Gisele Bundchen is a big fan of the trapeze, as is Sadie Frost.

Classes are at Farringdon Gym Box on Monday and Tuesday at 7pm. You might get so darn good at it, you can run off and join the circus. Well, maybe.

Classes are free for Gym Box members; 310 for non-members.

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Festival time Summer means donning wellies and partying in a field. But don’t forget these essentials WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Bestival, Isle of Wight, V, T In The Park and Creamfields. What do they all have in common? Music, drinking, general revelry and, because it’s England, there’ll probably be at least a bit rain with your camping. Our festival survival guide will get you through.

Sleeping THE TENT: Obviously, unless you fancy sleeping under the stars, you’re going to need one of these. A tipi is a good choice – you can stand up in them and they’re slightly easier to locate when drunk. £59.99; activecamping.com AIRBEDS: Your sleep will be a zillion times better if you bring an airbed, which means more energy for partying.

From £9.99; argos.co.uk

What to wear SHOE COVERS: If wellies aren’t your style, or

you want to save on space, sling on a pair of Converse-style, waterproof and disposable Festival Feet to keep shoes mud-free. £4.95; red5.co.uk PACMAN PONCHO: Keep the rain off like a true child of the Eighties with a PacMan ghost. Why would you ever wear a plain one again? £4.95; red5.co.uk

Looking good and staying clean FELLAS WIPES: Lads, stay fresh with biodegradable intimate cleansing wipes when showering isn’t an option. £1.99; funkyleisure.co.uk EYE ROCK SHADOW TRANSFERS: Girls, don’t faff with make-up in your tent – slap on a make-up transfer. Comes in giraffe black and pink, black lace and stars. £6; asos.com

20 Farringdon Road, EC1M 3NH gymbox.com Farringdon

‘Now where did I pitch my tent...?’

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You’ll probably want some wet wipes for that

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SURVIVE AND THRIVE

Kiss and make-up wipes Nourishing and organic £3.49 organicsurge.com

Soleil hair and scalp spray SPF 30 Avoid a burnt head £4.00 tesco.com

Got enough in there?! You won’t just need the bare essentials

LA-TWEEZ ILLUMINATING TWEEZERS: Keep brows neat with light-up tweezers – perfect for when you’ve got to make yourself look good in a dingy tent. £15; houseoffraser.co.uk

with thin, comfy earbuds built in, so you can block out sound and listen to tunes as you fall asleep. Also doubles as an eye mask. £37; welovesleep.co.uk

Feeling fine

SHOT-O-B12: Drinking depletes your vitamin B12 levels, leaving you feeling drained. Top them back up. £4.75; nutricentre.com

PUSSY ENERGY DRINK: “Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity,” says the tagline, and its makers shun taurine for natural ingredients such as milk thistle, guarana, schizandra, sarsparilla and ginseng. £1.34; tesco.com

Photos: Adrian Dennis; Simone Joyner; Matt Cardy

SLEEPPHONES: We all need sleep sometimes – drown out late night/morning festival noise with sleepphones. It’s a fleecy headband

When you’re home

HOMEDICS iHEAL: Use electro-magnetic field therapy to ease muscle strain if you’ve overdone it a little. £49.99; amazon.co.uk

NEXT WEEK

Insect repellent after sun Two uses and saves on space £5.99 superdrug.com

London’s coolest hair salons

TOP TREATMENT: WEEKEND LASHES Got a big party this weekend and want your peepers to stand out? Or maybe you want long lashes for an entire festival. Either way, weekend lash extensions at The Powder Lounge at Topshop Oxford Circus will have you looking lush. In just 20 minutes, you can get fit lashes that last three to four days, and you can choose from dramatic or natural. £20.00

Get lashed

36-38 Great Castle Street, W1W 8LG thepowderlounge.co.uk Oxford Circus

Wash & shave gel Two jobs, one bottle £10.50 greenpeople.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Exciting: working in sport can be non-stop

Action stations Behind each sporting event, a team works around the clock to meet the needs of players and their sponsors WORDS REBECCA KENT Sport is an integral part of British culture, but the industry runs on more than athletes alone. Workers scurry behind the scenes to deliver games that keep us tuning in for more.

TNT meets a few of them.

Lucy Duncombe, Broncos RL player welfare manager With the hefty knocks they take on the field, it’s easy to forget some London Broncos players are barely out of school. They might know how to play rugby league, but life skills evade them.

“The word ‘mum’ comes up a lot,” says Duncombe, who takes new players at the London team under her wing.

“Some of the guys can be as young as 18, from Australia, or the north of England, and they’re living out of home 56

for the first time. It can be a huge learning experience for them. ‘’I had to take one player, who was 17, into a supermarket once. He’d never shopped for himself before and it was completely daunting.’’

Duncombe, 28, from Surbiton, has worked for the team for five years, and juggles many roles: she’s an estate agent, who advises imported players’ families where they should live; a financial adviser, who suggests where to bank their money; and a landlord, who conducts spot checks on the players’ shared house.

She adds: ‘’It’s a 24/7 job, and, as cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I’m a part of the team. The atmosphere is great.”

Average salary: From £25k londonbroncosrl.com

Malph Minns, sponsorship manager Sky Pro Cycling Unless you’re in the ranks of Tiger Woods and Lionel Messi, making ends meet as an athlete – especially in a not-so-high-profile sport can be a challenge. But Minns has Mark Cavendish, the BBC Sports Personality of the Year, to thank for helping put cycling under the spotlight.

It eases the pressure of his job as middle man between ‘Team Sky’ road cyclists and its sponsors. That the international team is currently ranked number one in the world, is a bonus.

“Sponsorship is the lifeblood of the team,” says Minns, 34, who is based in Syon Lane and manages 21 sponsors.

“We don’t have a stadium, we get no gate receipts, and no TV money, so the team is completely funded by sponsors.

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB STELI POP CAREER Tattoo artist AGE 26 LIVES Mitcham FROM Transylvania, Romania

Photos: Getty

Spinning: Malph Minns

Thrills: Katie Clements, and Lucy Duncombe (above)

“They get a list of WORKING IN SPORT it’s important that rights, such as rider It is easy for a sports nut to declare Clements, who looks appearances and simply that they ‘want to work in after the top drivers in branding, and my sport’, with dreamy ideas of Formula One, IndyCar job is to service those days spent alongside similarly and Le Mans stays rights as well to work obsessed people. In reality, sports on the ball. Fulhamwith them to help fulfil jobs not only involve long and based Clements, 33, their objectives.” irregular hours, but the industry does everything from With the riders’ is oversubscribed, says Will Lloyd, arranging TV and demanding schedules director of globalsportsjobs.com. media contracts, to (60 events in 19 “Organisations will not accept updating race team’s countries each year), a lazy approach to defining your social media and and the Olympics, that’s career,” he says. “Having an inensuring drivers’ not always easy. depth knowledge of your sector clothing is However, the perks and clarity of how you fit in may branded corrrectly. are jaunts to Australia, be what makes you stand out from “It’s non-stop,” and across Europe for that other candidate when it comes she says. “At any time races and photoshoots. down to who gets the job.” our clients can be in Last year, Minns Australia, US or Europe cycled a stage of so it’s not unusual to the Tour de France, confirming that be woken in the middle of the night. after two years with Team Sky, this ‘’I heard from a driver once who was was his dream job. ‘’Being part of standing at immigration with a team like this, while you might not a passport that had expired. Thinking be riding the bike, you’re still making quickly on your feet is required!” a contribution,” he says. “It’s exciting.’’

However bleary-eyed Clements Average salary: About £50k might be, she is spurred on by the teamsky.com disposition of the drivers.

“They have incredible energy and Katie Clements, GP Sports, they are always humble,” she says. head of business development “Working with them instantly lifts When you’re working in a scene where your mood.’’ cars can travel at 200mph, things Average salary: NEXT WEEK certainly move fast.

From £80k Worst jobs ever gpsportsmanagement.com That element of speed is why

How did you get into your line of work?

I was 14 when I watched a TV show about prisoners making their own tattoo machines from Walkman motors and toothbrushes, and I thought: ‘I can do that.’ I tattooed my friends with stamp ink and though I didn’t make money, I traded tattoos for clothing, etc. I got my first job here in the UK three years ago.

What do you do day-to-day?

Drawings and tattoos. I once did 12 tattoos in one day – a busy day!

What’s the best part of your job?

Meeting people. Though I try not to discuss their emotional reasons for getting a tattoo. What I do is a happy thing. My work suffers otherwise.

What’s the most challenging?

Not getting bored with the small stuff, like stars. I hate stars, but I have to respect that every tattoo counts for the person getting it. barrylouvaine.com

HOW TO...RUN

OFFICE COMPS Good-natured workplace rivalry can do wonders for team spirit

• Separate the office into teams and run competitons, such as a food charity drive or a recycling contest. This also benefits the community.

• Plan an annual afternoon off

for activities such as shooting paper into a bin, rubber band archery (not aiming at colleagues) or coffee-making.

• Guess how many calls will

come into the office, with a free lunch for the winner.

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tntjobs.co.uk COUNTY MARQUEES T: 020 7267 4469 www.countymarquees.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Riggers Location: All round South East England. Based in Surrey Salary: £70+ per day

We provide Marquees and ancillary equipment for hire in the South East of England

Outdoor physical work putting up and taking down Marquees all over Home Counties.

Long hours in all weathers. Some weekend work. Experience and drivers preferred but not required. Need own transport for trip to and from work.

David Higgs | marqueeriggers2012@gmail.com

RPM LIMITED T: 020 3110 0500 www.rpmltd.com RPM Promotional People, the UK’s leading event staffing company, provide fantastic staff to work across a varied spectrum of roadshows/campaigns.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Event Crew, 7.5ton Drivers and HGV Drivers Location: London based Salary: Rates start at £10p/h We are recruiting hardworking, flexible, reliable Event Crew to assist us building, de-rigging and driving for campaigns in 2012! Events experience a bonus however, if you are a physically strong, conscientious team player, please apply. rachel.helliwell@rpmltd.com

GEOFF CABLE T: +421-232-662-621 www.nextlevelpharma.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: International Sales Executive (junior) Location: Bratislava, Slovak Republic Salary: Basic + commission (€2000-2500+ monthly).

We organise conferences across Europe & The USA, that provide business intelligence and networking opportunities for the global pharmaceutical industry.

Make telephone contact with senior pharmaceutical executives, worldwide and promote/sell attendance to our exciting industry events, to meet other industry peers and learn about the latest developments in a dynamic, knowledge intensive industry.

BISTRO DU VIN T: 020 7432 4800 www.bistroduvinandbar.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bistro & Bar Team Location: SOHO, 36 Dean Street, London W1D 4PS Salary: £8.00 - £8.50 per hour including service charge

The critically-acclaimed Hotel du Vin brand comes to the city as Bistro du Vin. Same du Vin tastes. Same du Vin style.

Bistro & Bar must be passionate about food and beverage and delivering amazing hospitality to our guests. Experience is beneficial but not necessary, however, service with a smile and personality is a must.

Geoff Cable, CEO | +421-232-662-621 | geoff.cable@nextlevelpharma.com

Kate Underwood | Kate.underwood@hotelduvin.com

T: 01809 501 254 www.glengarry.net

JOB OF THE WEEK: Wine waiter / Waiter / Receptionist Location: Scottish Highland Salary: £250 weekly

Family run 3 star hotel with 26 bedrooms near Loch Ness in the Highlands. .

Looking for an adaptable person to help cover for wine waiter, waiter and receptionist time off. Must have waiting and bar experience. Position available now until 5th November. Live-in, own room, meals provided and free Wi-Fi.

GLENGARRY CASTLE HOTEL

Donald or Robert | 01809 501 254

SHOPFITTINGS DIRECT T: 020 7790 3007 www.shopfittingsshop.com We are a company that supplies shopfittings to the retail sector and to the public

JOB OF THE WEEK: Wholesale/Retail Position Location: London E.1 Salary: 20K Job includes sales, deliveries and stockroom.

Heavy lifting is involved.

Good personality and attitude are essential Mark Christie | 020 7790 3007

JULIA ROSS RECRUITMENT www.juliaross.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Corporate Receptionists Location: Central London Salary: Ranges from £8 - £11 per hour

We are a trendy boutique recruitment agency based in London city with a fantastic portfolio of clients.

Are you an experienced receptionist? You must have at least 6 months reception experience, possess a terrific phone manner and be polished in your presentation.

Experience with all MS Office packages a must.

T: 020 7929 1199

for Temporary Roles

Kim Howell | 020 79291199 | resourcer@juliaross.co.uk

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Canopy Cape This may look like a ponchobut don’t be fooled – it’s also made to be pitched as a shelter, if the weather refuses to play its part.

Berry chinos Guys, this is your excuse to wear trousers that you probably couldn’t get away with at work.

Breakthrough Breast Cancer charity welly Not only will these keep your feet protected from muddy puddles, £5 of the price will go to fight breast cancer.

rohan.co.uk

matalan.co.uk

wellingtonandbarrow.com

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£22

£39

.95

SHOPWATCH COVENT GARDEN: 20 PER CENT OFF SHOPPING

Images: PRShots.com; Matalan

Spring wardrobe: it’s the fashion cogniscenti’s buzz phrase right now, and if you’ve not already heeded advice to reinvigorate your clothing stockpile, Seven Dials and St Martin’s Courtyard in Covent Garden present the opportunity this Thursday, with a 20 per cent off shopping evening. The likes of Urban Outfitters, Office, Orla Kiely, Tatty Devine, Wolsey, T-shirt Store, Orion London, Albam, Neal’s Yard Remedies and Shu Uemura, are just some of the stores taking part, and cafes, restaurants and bars are also laying on deals. DJ tunes, live music, makeovers, random gifts and complimentary food and drink will make the whole shebang complete – that and a goodie bag for the first 200 shoppers to rack up £100 on their MasterCard. To qualify for the discount, download a voucher from the Seven Dials website.

OPEN Thursday, April 26. 5pm-9pm COST 20 per cent off selected items sevendials.co.uk WC2H Covent Garden

.00

£75

Classic parka Evoke the Britpop era with this snug piece coat, with a removable (fake) fur lining for chilly nights in the field.

Festival fashion

.00

£35

Crushable trilby A genius hat that springs back into shape, even if it’s left scrunched in the bottom of your rucsack.

il2l.com

.99

£69

christys-hats.com

£10

.00

Your tent or mine T-shirt If you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud...

00

. £54

bankfashion.co.uk

Paisley peplum top Cute worn with denim shorts on sunny festival days. You can feel smug, as it’s also made from organic fabrics. beaumontorganic.com

£29

.99

99 44.

£

Sunpocket foldable sunglasses These bad boys fold up small for easy packing and carrying in your pocket.

Patterned scarf Cosy up, or keep the sun off with this boho wonder. lindsay-phillips.com

surfdome.com

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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PARTY

PROPS 9 8.9

£

Fit for a queen

Verona Union Jack mask Go a little further and dress up fancydress.com

00

£1.

Liz’s Jubilee is nearly here, so prepare to hit the streets and celebrate WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

It’s the biggest excuse to go outside and party with your neighbours since the royal wedding, so do it in style. Here’s how to pull off a successful street party for June 5.

Three handheld flags Wave them, for Blighty poundland.co.uk

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£8.

Three-tier cake stand An essential for afternoon tea premierhousewares.co.uk

00

£6.

Cupcake cases and toppers Let the guards protect your baking waitrose.com

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The organising It’s going to take a bit of planning to execute a Jubilee Day street party. Before you begin organising, make sure your neighbours are on board – it’s not going to work if Beryl down the road can’t get her car out and knocks over your waving royals cutouts.

Enlist her help, too.

It’s dull as hell, but there are forms to fill in and rules to abide by. As you’ll be closing off the street, you need to get permission from your local authority. Get in touch early – councils recommend at least four weeks in advance. As part of this, you’ll need to sign a liability form, in case anything gets damaged. It’s worth getting public liability insurance, in case this does happen – it’s about £50. See direct.gov.uk.

Then, come up with a theme. Emma Angel from Angel’s Fancy Dress in central London’s Shaftesbury Avenue says: “Theme it. And keep a constant theme, instead of mixing and matching all sorts of different things together. Go with Union Jack or go with crowns. Because everything looks better if it’s got a universal theme to it.”

Before you start buying things, work out how much you want to spend – will you do it on a shoestring and get people to make everything and bring tables and chairs from home, or will you get everyone to put in £20

It’s street-party time, royal style for a party where you pull out all the stops?

If you need tables, you can rent them from £2.50 per day at capitalhire.com.

Rebecca Robinson, 32, is secretary of her local residents’ committee in Chelsea. She’s organising a street party through The Big Lunch (thebiglunch.com), a project that encourages people to get together with their communities every year.

Robinson says: “On our street, we’ve had various street parties, we thought it’d be nice to have a big lunch for the Jubilee. We’re not having costumes, but we are having flowers and a jazz band from a charity called Sound Minds – every street party we do we give half of our funds to charity.”

Their street party will be funded by

residents’ association subscriptions, and they’re also applying for a council grant to pay for a screen to be put in the street.

Lastly, you need to get the invites out.

Set up Facebook groups, post flyers through

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LIFESTYLELIVING PARTY TIPS Anthea Turner, who made Tracy Island on Blue Peter, gives her street party tips.

Photos: Dimitar Dilkoff; Mark Thompson; Alex Livesey

letterboxes, knock on doors and put up posters – get your whole area involved if you want.

the royal family, with masks of their faces.

Kim Einhorn from Theme Traders suggests The royal family has always making an entrance for enjoyed a gin and tonic, Here’s The props people to walk through. how to make a top mix: “Have a sentry, a guard Think all things Britain KEEP IT COLD: That applies to all in a box. It’s about wow – the more you can find the ingredients, and use lots of large factor,” she says. ”Have better. Angel says: “You ice cubes straight from the freezer. people waiting by the door need to have bunting and Use balloon-style glasses to keep it so you don’t get little boys you need to have flags. ultra-cool. zooming down on their If you’re not going to do GARNISH: Use three to four juniper bikes and nicking the food. anything else, I’d suggest berries and a long twist of lime peel Or rope off either end of that those two go in. It’s (don’t use pulp as it kills bubbles!). the road.” the little things.

BUBBLES: It is the bubbles that Robinson is having “At the royal wedding bring out the nuances in gin, so a village-fête theme, with we completely sold out of make sure the tonic is fresh. coconut shys, dog shows bunting and Union Jack PATIENCE: Wait 30 seconds before and a bake-off: “We’re dresses. I think the same serving, while the flavours merge. not buying anything, but is going to be true for TIPS FROM MARTIN MILLER’S GIN we are making bunting. the Jubilee.”

The idea is everyone If you’re going for Cool makes whatever they can and we’ll join Britania, go for red telephone boxes, Union it up together.”

Jacks, letterboxes, English bulldogs and plenty of red, white and blue.

The food and drink If you’ve got the budget, get a lifesize statue of the Queen. Theme Traders in This could be tricky and expensive for just Cricklewood (themetraders.com) rents them one person, so get everyone to bring one for £175. They’ve also got thrones for the dish. Go for Blighty’s greats, like coronation same price, or make your own cardboard chicken. Or get a hog roast in from cutouts if you’re on a budget. spittingpiglondon.co.uk.

For dressing up, Angel suggests girls You shouldn’t need a go for Union Jack dresses and mini toplicence – a temporary NEXT WEEK hat fascinators, emblazoned with the flag events notice to sell Spotlight on design. The guys should go for red, white alcohol, costs £21 from Kensal Rise and blue masks. Or dress up as members of the council.

PERFECT G&T

✪ Delegate – street parties are all about getting everyone involved. ✪ When it comes to food, go for crowd-pleasers. Give it a ‘royal’ theme with dishes like coronation chicken and scones. Make food that is easy to pick at; people never eat as much as you think they will so don’t go overboard. ✪ Ask everyone to bring a dish – non-cooks can bring the drinks. ✪ Gin and tonic has long been beenn a favoured tipple among the royal family, so why not make your own? For non-alcoholic options, serve nostalgic soft drinks such as pink lemonade and dandelion & burdock. ✪ Stop bin liners getting blown away by putting them in buckets underneath the tables. ✪ Keep it colourful – party hats, paper flags, napkins, balloons – more is more at a street party. ✪ Bunting, bunting and more bunting! It’s a street party essential – and you can make it so easily from paper, fabric, vintage hankies or knit some. ✪ Hold a baking competition and see what you and your neighbours can create – you’d be surprised how many secret brilliant bakers there are. ✪ Challenge your friends to dress up in a regal fashion – costume pearls, diamonds and crowns galore! Chalk a hopscotch on the pavement, or if you have a lawn available, hold a game of boules. ✪ Always have a Plan B – this is Britain, so it could rain! Do you have a venue you could use as back up?

Anthea Turner is brand ambassador for Create and Craft TV createandcraft.tv TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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WORLDVIEW Dangerous: watch out for falling lights

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Day of the dead: A flash mob of, ahem, flesh-eating mummies swarms the Brisbane CBD for the opening of Mummy: Secrets Of The Tomb. They showed off their Thriller moves to mark the exhibition of ancient Egyptian treasures at Brisbane’s Queensland Museum

PAYOUT FOR WORKER INJURED DURING SEX AUSTRALIA A public servant hurt while shagging in her hotel room during a work trip is eligible for compensation, a judge has ruled.

The woman was left with facial injuries after a light fitting came away from the wall as she and a male friend were “going hard”, and fell on her face.

“I think she was on her back when it happened but I was not paying attention because we were rolling around,” her friend said in a court statement.

Justice John Nicholas ruled she was hurt during the course of her employment.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @elizabday Someone just told me there’s an eco-friendly alternative to nuclear energy. I told them to frack off @jamiesont Hopefully Pippa Middleton making list of world’s 100 most influential people will empower women to look pretty & have great arse @wossy Rob Downey Jr told me that, in a fight, Tony Stark would man-bang Bruce Wayne

PARENTS REJECT ‘ALIEN’ KEA CHICK GERMANY A baby kea born in Germany is so ugly that even his mother doesn’t want him.

Described as a “cross between an alien and a roast chicken”, Nelson was born in Bergzoo in Germany.

The only survivor of three chicks, he pulled through only to face immediate rejection by his parents.

He has since spent the first four weeks of his life in an incubator being cared for by 62

zoo staff. However, being hideous is just a means to an end for young Nelson as he can look forward to growing into a handsome green adult kea.

Native to New Zealand, keas are renowned for their curiosity and appetite for rubber. They live mainly in alpine regions in the South Island, where they are a protected species.

LAST SPRINT FOR OLD MARATHON RUNNER UNITED KINGDOM The world’s oldest marathon runner is finally hanging up his running boots.

Fauja Singh, 101, said yesterday’s London Marathon will be his last.

Fauja, who was born in India but moved to the UK in the Sixties, took up

marathon running at the age of 89 and has completed eight races since. “Turning him into a marathon runner was one of the easiest jobs I’ve ever had,” his coach Harmandar Singh said.

“If I said we’re doing 10k he’d say ‘why not 20?’. I think the secret to his training regime and his attitude to life is he’s totally positive.”

Singh, pictured right, who is a world record holder in the over-90s and over-100s categories, said: “There’s a song which says forget age, your heart should be young.” He added the first 20 miles are easy, but “the last six I run talking to god”.

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Hug it out: Amma in Melbourne

THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 10,000

Amount, in pounds, spent by Stoke-on-Trent City Council on a video showing tenants how to change a lightbulb

Per cent of British 10-year-olds who have watched online porn, according to a study

THOUSANDS GEAR UP FOR FREE HUGS

4

AUSTRALIA An Indian guru has embraced more than 60,000 Australians after touring the country, offering cuddles.

Some 40,000 queued to meet Amma – who has clutched more than 31 million people to her breast worldwide – in Melbourne last week, waiting patiently as it took her 20 hours to hug everyone.

And a further 20,000 hug-seekers were expected to turn up to a converted Ashram in Sydney to cuddle Amma.

They also received a blessing from the humanitarian and spiritual leader, known as The Hugging Saint.

“It’s not just a physical hug, it is actually transmitting the power of pure energy,” Amma said. “Love is the purest form of energy. Love can transform.”

Her supporters estimate she has hugged 31 million people during the past 30 years.

MAN FATHERS 82 KIDS IN NINE YEARS

Photos: Getty; AAP

NETHERLANDS A Dutch man who set up a global ‘baby-making’ service remained a virgin living with his mother until the age of 34.

Ed Houben, now aged 42, launched his business after becoming frustrated with his sexless life and has fathered 82 children in just nine years – 45 girls, 35 boys and two unknown. He has another 10 on the way.

His growing ‘family’ live in New Zealand, Berlin, Holland, Italy, Spain,

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Popular: Ed’s website Belgium and France. The free service, via Spermaspender.de, sees women come to him from across the world. He now sleeps with around 15 childless women a month.

“I don’t fire blanks,” he said.

’COKE ADDICT’ DIES AFTER 18 PINTS A DAY NEW ZEALAND A woman died after drinking 18 pints of Coca-Cola a day, an inquest heard.

Natasha Marie Harris, 30-year-old mother-of-eight, would go “crazy” if she ran out of the fizzy drink.

However, she died in her home in Invercargill after being unwell for about a year. The court heard Harris had been vomiting up to six times a week.

An autopsy showed Miss Harris had a diseased liver but the cause of death was undetermined.

“I didn’t ever think about the Coke.

I never considered it would do any harm to a person. It’s just a soft drink, just like drinking water. I didn’t think a drink’s going to kill you,” her partner Christopher Hodgkinson said. The inquest continues.

30

Number of women South Africa’s first polygamous president, Jacob Zuma, is now married to

Value, in US dollars, of Facebook as the site prepares to float on the stock market next month

100BN

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Elizabeth calls me a lot more than just the Big Blond – she has dozens of names for me, all too embarrassing assi to share e Shane Warne reveals intimate details about his sickly sweet relationship with Liz Hurley to Hello!

20/4/12 15:54:27

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CLARE VOOGHT clare.vooght@tntmagazine.com

The Cult of Pippa: she’s unstoppable even after firearm furore

Two years ago, we would’ve said ‘Pippa Middle-who?’

Photos: Getty

Even during a gun scandal, she got into Time’s most influential list

What’s so special about Pippa Middleton? Last week, she (along with her sister Kate) made it into Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people, alongside Barack Obama, Kim Jong-un and Adele. Love them, hate them or fear them, those three people have done far more than a little bit more than bumfirming Bikram yoga to obtain their position of influence.

All Pippa has done is rock up at the royal wedding in a well-fitted dress as the little sister of Blighty’s new princess. Good for her, but she hasn’t done anything to earn her status. Time’s criteria for its list is for people to have “the infinite possibilities of influence and the power of influence to change the world” and who are able to “inspire us, entertain us, challenge us and change our world”.

Don’t get me wrong, Pippa’s influential in some ways: people copy what she wears, and there might even be a few nutjob fans who would jump off a cliff if Miss Middleton said it was a good idea. But I just don’t quite understand the cult of this well-heeled sister of the bride.

Right now, the nation’s beloved P-Middy is embroiled in a gun scandal after she was pictured in Paris, riding in a car in which the driver was wielding a pistol. And this was after she and her friend were partying until 5am at an event where dwarves and strippers were part of the entertainment. If anyone had replaced Pippa Middleton’s name with Barack Obama’s in this story, he’d be publicily shamed, taken straight off Time Magazine’s list and never allowed a shred of influence again.

I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, but when someone can say Pippa Middleton has actually done something with even the potential to change the world, maybe then she’d deserve a spot on the influential list. At this point, some people (and Time) are simply confusing ‘class’ with ‘ass’. » Agree or disagree? Is Pippa Middleton all that? letters@tntmagazine.com

EVERYBODY. STOP. WHINGING. Last week it was officially less than 100 days until the start of the Olympics.

But all anyone can do is whinge about how the Olympic Park is still a building site, why no one’s got a ticket and how the Tube is going to be rammed.

All those things are true, but isn’t it about time we stopped moaning and just enjoyed it? The Olympics are going to happen, in London, whether we like it or not, so you haters may as well get on board.

I was travelling through Beijing in 2008, and the atmosphere was electric. There was a real sense of excitement, and everyone we spoke to gushed about the Games.

Brits are too far past cynical

“

”

Brits are too far past cynical to be like that, but a little silence from the whingers wouldn’t go amiss.

Of course our commutes are going to be hellish, but without a bit of community spirit, they’ll be a lot worse. So even if your humour has to be of the gallows variety, grin and bear it. It might just be fun.

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Has the Anzac tribute had its day?

Does April 25 still have a place in the 21st century? EDITED BY CAROL DRIVER It’s billed as one of Australia’s and New Zealand’s most important national occasions, yet critics indicate support for Anzac Day could be waning. Every year on April 25, the soldiers who fought at Gallipoli, Turkey, during World War I are remembered. Poignant dawn services are held for Anzac – the acronym for the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps – which is marked by marches and a national holiday.

The book What’s Wrong With Anzac questions the tribute’s relevance in the 21st century, and asks whether it is time to cast it aside. Here, we ask one of its authors and an Anzac supporter whether, nearly 100 years on, Anzac Day is past its sell-by date.

YES. Lindsay Birrell London Legacy president Anzac Day means much more to Australians than recalling past military conflicts. During the first half of the 20th century, when the nation was wracked by two world wars and hardly a family was spared grief, Anzac Day allowed Australians to mourn the loss of loved ones.

Later, the 10 years of the controversial Vietnam War caused many Australians to question why their country should go to war at all. Some even blamed the soldiers themselves, even though many, like their fathers and grandfathers, had been conscripted into compulsory military service by the government of the day.

Thankfully, most young Australians today are spared exposure to military conflict. But that doesn’t mean we should forget those who continue to serve their country or forget the sacrifices made by earlier generations. These men and women helped make Australia the great place it is today.

Anzac Day gives us time to reflect on what really makes our country special.

Forget the politics of the day – wars are fought and 66

sacrifices are made by ordinary men and women serving their country, not by the politicians who sent them.

Like it or not, much of the character of the Australian nation – mateship and sacrifice, resourcefulness and devotion, pride in our country and ourselves, even our cheeky larrikin spirit – was forged on the hot anvil of a war no soldier ever wanted.

Many Australians now see Anzac Day as a time not only to commemorate, but to celebrate our love of country. This is the very reason our forefathers sacrificed their own lives in the first place. The infectious spirit of Anzac Day allows us to take time out from our busy lives on this one day of the year and reflect on what we have achieved, both as a nation and

“

It became a proud moment in history

”

as individuals, since those first landing craft ground ashore at Anzac Cove. Many Australians believe that as the first Anzacs struggled up the rugged slopes of Gallipoli and proved themselves in the heat of battle, the nation of Australia was truly born on the world stage.

The event had far less to do with military success or failure and much more to do with the quality of human endeavour. Militarily, the Gallipoli campaign was an abject failure, but for the emerging nations of Australia, New Zealand and Turkey it became a proud and defining moment in their history.

Today, Australia is a wonderfully diverse, multi-cultural

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Clockwise: Aussies in Gallipoli; Roll of Honour for WWI in Canberra, Australia; an Australian soldier in Turkey

and welcoming nation. Every Australian – from Aboriginal people to emigrants of every colour and creed – can stand shoulder to shoulder in proud celebration of what it means to be Australian.

And if you need further proof of what Anzac Day means today, particularly to young Australians, go along to the Dawn Service at Hyde Park Corner in London or any Australian city or town.

Photos: Getty; TNT

NO. Prof Henry Reynolds Australian historian Most countries have days when they remember their war dead. Since 1916, Australia has chosen April 25 – the date of the landing of Australian forces on the Gallipoli Peninsula in Turkey. It has assumed renewed importance in recent years as the occasion to remember dead from all 20th-century wars.

But it has been accorded even greater significance than that. The campaign at Gallipoli is commonly described as signifying the birth of the nation. The diggers displayed characteristics which defined the new nation’s identity.

It is this expanded interpretation of the Gallipoli campaign which evokes a whole series of awkward, and necessarily unpopular, questions about what has clearly become a cult sanctified by the fallen.

It is a strange event to choose as marking the birth of the nation when the very presence of the Australian forces in the assault on Turkey was a graphic illustration of Australia’s lingering colonial status.

Australia was at war because Britain was at war. It was the British government which decided where the Australians would fight, when they would fight and who they would oppose. The Australians had no say on the underlying strategy or why they died.

Another disturbing feature of the official rhetoric is the

implicit assumption that nations are made in war, that until 1915, Australia had not been blooded as contemporary rhetoric often asserted.

This was a particularly dangerous idea popular among militarists in Edwardian Europe and which added to the national belligerence which led to the outbreak of war in 1914. But such ideas were largely discredited by the carnage of the war itself.

They were revived in Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy and survived in Australia because the Australian domestic community had no experience of war and rigid censorship protected them from the harsh realities of trench warfare.

Another problem with the Anzac legend is that it gave priority to military over civil achievements. If the nation was born in 1915, what do we make of the century of nationbuilding that preceded it?

By any measure, the new federation was, on the eve of war, one of the most prosperous, democratic and successful societies in the world. If it was incomplete as a nation what precisely did it lack? And how did participation in an unsuccessful invasion of Turkey enhance the nation?

Gallipoli and the later experience of the Western Front did not unite the nation. It was far more deeply divided in 1919 than it had been in 1914. And if anything the war tied Australia more closely to Britain than had been the case in the early years of the century. » Agree or disagree? Is Anzac Day still relevant? letters@tntmagazine.com The Anzac Day dawn service will take place at 5am on April 25 at Hyde Park Corner, near the New Zealand Memorial. At 9.30am the Gallipoli Association will be holding a service its memorial in the Crypt at St Paul’s Cathedral londonlegacy.org

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COWAN HEADS TO GLOUCHESTER RUGBY World Cup-winning halfback Jimmy Cowan has decided to pull the pin on NZ rugby and enjoy a jaunt in England.

The 50-test All Black has signed with Gloucester after enduring a shaky start to the season, with Aaron Smith being preferred as the starting number 15 for the Highlanders in the Super 15.

“The reason I signed with Gloucester, and I had a couple of offers on the table, is I know they are a passionate club, very parochial, with great fans. It reminded me of my roots back home with Southland,” Cowan said.

BIG WILLIE MASON ARRIVES AT KNIGHTS RUGBY LEAGUE Former NRL hardman (and loose unit) Willie Mason will continue his NRL career under supercoach Wayne Bennett after he signed for Newcastle.

Mason, who played with the Bulldogs and Sydney Roosters, left the NRL in 2010 after a season at the Cowboys. He played just six English Super League games for Hull Kingston Rovers last season, and was cut six months into a three-year contract.

He switched codes to join French rugby union club Toulon but only played a total of 74 minutes in two pre-season trials and one Top 14 premiership game, during eight months.

MELBOURNE MERGER WILL NOT HAPPEN AFL Melbourne and North Melbourne have laughed off a suggestion from former Hawthorn president Jeff Kennett that the two clubs should merge.

Kennett, whose Hawks rejected forming a combination with Melbourne in 1996, said: “The two clubs together, strong, good at their game, good at administration – I think it’s the way of the future.”

The Demons and Kangaroos were not keen to add to the story, with one club official saying “we won’t dignify it with a response”.

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It’s war: New Zealand’s Josh Hoffman is wrapped by Australia’s Johnathan Thurston during last Friday’s Anzac Test in Auckland. The Kangaroos again proved too strong for their trans-Tasman counterparts, winning 20-12 in front of a crowd of 35, 339

PONTING’S ON HIS WAY OUT Are you?

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Drogba enjoys a rare upright moment

I am still fully focused on training, although now I am happier because I have god Phillipino boxing legend and former heavy gambler and late-night party boy Manny Pacquiao says he has been chosen to spread the Christian message

If we haven’t got all the technology, we shouldn’t use it at all

PREVIEW The road to Munich BARCELONA V CHELSEA

TUES, 7.45PM. SKY SPORTS 2

REAL MADRID V BAYERN MUNICH

WED, 7.45PM. SKY SPORTS 2 Will the two Spanish clubs be able to turn around their first-leg defeats? Will José Mourinho remain calm if things don’t go his way? And will Didier Drogba be able to remain on his feet?

The answer to the first question is highly likely. The other two, highly unlikely.

Barcelona and Real Madrid have had

excellent prepration for their game, facing each other in Saturday’s La Liga contest and, as both are playing at home this week, you’d expect them to win. However, if they cough up too many away goals in the process, Munich and Chelsea will be squaring off in May 19’s final.

Bayern has the incentive of the final being played in their home town; Chelsea have developed a seige mentality after being knocked mercilessy all year by England’s media. Both will go hell-forleather in stadia full of baying Spaniards.

This is football at its finest. Tune in.

THE CHAT | You dive, you’re banned?

West Indies cricket coach Ottis Gibson is unhappy the DRS is being used without snicko or hotspot. Instead, umpires in the current Australian/ WI Test series are relying solely on TV replays

When I was at Inter, I called my Mum to solve every little problem. But now I need to work them out myself Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli reckons he’s grown up since arriving in England. He wants to stay here, too

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL – EPL coach Arsene Wenger has proposed Q Arsenal a three-match ban for diving. Is there any merit to this suggestion? one likes a diver. Christiano Ronaldo’s legacy at Man A No United is forever tarnished by his theatrics in the box, and it seems United’s Ashley Young has taken a leaf out of the Portuguese’s book. While diving should be addressed, a threematch ban is over the top – players currently get such a ban for a red-card offence, such as a two-footed challenge. Two matches would be more in proportion. However, all scrutiny would have to be done retrospectively as there’s no way FIFA would allow the game being stopped for any longer, especially as it’s finally talking seriously about introducing goalline technology.

Chelsea v QPR No love lost in this west London derby Sunday, 1.30pm. Sky Sports 1

RUGBY – SUPER 15 Chiefs v Hurricanes Both sides are in great form Saturday, 8.35am. Sky Sports 1

BASKETBALL – NBA Miami v Boston Ashley Young (left)

Top slam-dunkin’ action Wednesday, 1am. ESPN TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY

Nice ink, bro: James Tamou’s tatts are at odds with his jersey

League’s eligibity rules serve to dilute the game

James Tamou can’t be blamed for wanting to bump up his salary

» Agree or disagree? Do league’s eligibility rules need a shake-up? letters@tntmagazine.com 72

SEEMS LIKE CHEATS CAN PROPSER The news British steroids cheat Dwain Chambers and Scottish blood-boosterusing cyclist David Millar will join 80 other enhancement-sampling athletes at the Olympics brings the Games into disrepute before they’ve even begun.

Most of us are aware drug-cheating goes on in sport, but are prepared to trust the official testing bodies, who are forever chasing increasingly sophisticated antidetection methods.

But when athletes have been caught, they should be banned for good. They’ve relied on people’s initial good faith and then used two middle fingers to try to pull wool over everyone’s eyes.

“

Is it fair on those who play by the rules?

”

The muscles Chambers developed while using steroids are still in action every day of his life. Is it fair that someone who has played by the rules all along has to face him?

If the ‘reformed’ cheats do win, a stain lingers on the entire event. Even if they don’t, any remaining innocence surrounding the Games has well and truly been oliterated.

Photos: Getty

When I left Australia four years ago, I had been there long enough to qualify for citizenship. Although I’m pretty awesome and can do a mean Aussie accent, I figured they didn’t really need me. However, if someone had offered me £50k to take an Australian passport, things may have been different. But then if they were that keen to sign up Kiwis, what would that say about their own people?

Fast forward to 2012, to NZ rugby league player James Tamou turning his back on the Kiwis to represent the Kangaroos. The reason for this not is because he loves the Lucky Country so much, but because someone’s had a wee whisper in his ear that he could be selected for Australian’s-only State of Origin duty, thereby earning another £50k a year.

Ignore, please, my forgetful compatriots, as they scream ‘turncoat traitor’ from the top of Mt Cook. They fail to remember that without Aussie import Nathan ‘Grannygate’ Fien, the Kiwis would never have won the 2010 Four Nations.

The issue here is not Tamou’s choice, but the international eligibility rules that allowed him to make it. Tamou didn’t swap because he swells with pride for a green-and-gold jumper (he didn’t even sing Advance Australia Fair last Friday) but because international footie means far less to him than Origin, considered the toughest (and most well-paid) league series in the world, with, funnily enough, quite strict eligibility rules. Problem is, like baseball in the US, or the AFL, where the winner is the champion of earth – but only because no one else really plays – league now has diminished credibility on the global stage.

If the game wants to be taken seriously, a clear criteria must be imposed to stop the dilution of the international talent pool. A player who even trains with a team in an official capacity should stick with that team for life. As it stands, Australia, despite its wealth of talent from having the NRL, the world’s top competition, can take advantage of weak rules and gather as much firepower as possible – even if that’s to the detriment of rugby league elsewhere. I’ll ask you again, exactly what does that say about its own people?

jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

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Europe at war The Heineken Cup semi-finals begin this weekend WORDS TOM STURROCK

Europe’s top rugby competition further intensifies this weekend when Ulster host Edinburgh in Dublin and Clermont Auvergne clash with Leinster in Bordeaux, with a spot in next month’s Heineken Cup final up for grabs.

Historically, England have performed the best of the countries represented, their clubs winning six of the 16 tournaments held, but not a single English club has made it to the final four this time around, after Saracens were knocked out in the quarter-finals.

It leaves a couple of Ireland’s usual suspects, an emerging French powerhouse and, lo and behold, a plucky Scottish side venturing further into this tournament than any before it. The last stage of the Heineken Cup produced its share of surprises, so who would bet against this weekend’s matches delivering a few more?

Ulster ✪ Overall: They’re still hustling for a playoff spot in the Pro12 league – which includes the top Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Italian sides – but scored possibly their most memorable result of the year in the quarter-finals when they put one over on Munster in Limerick. The Munster men had breezed through the group stage unbeaten, whereas Ulster had been forced to scrap, only edging out Leicester on bonus points.

But form did nothing to prevent a dramatic upset, leaving Ulster in the box seat to go through to the final. ✪ Key players: In terms of personnel, Ulster have a core of Irish stayers, complimented by a handful of Saffa ring-ins.

The signing of Ruan Pienaar has already paid dividends, the 27-year-old scrumhalf pulling the strings masterfully and scoring crucial points with the boot against Munster. At fullback, the evergreen Stefan Terblanche has also been a consistent contributor, using his vision and creativity to help set up many of the team’s best drives. Among the locals, hooker Rory Best and wing Andrew Trimble have been stars.

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✪ Prediction: Should be too strong for Edinburgh at home but will start as underdogs in the final.

Edinburgh ✪ Overall: It’s been a remarkable campaign for the Scots, made all the more improbable by the fact their performances in the league have been disastrous – they’re right down the bottom end of the Pro12, but have somehow managed to turn it on for the European competition. They topped their pool and then, in the quarter-finals, scored one of the biggest upsets in the tournament’s history, knocking over four-time champions Toulouse at Murrayfield. Previously, no Scottish team had made it to the last four of the Heineken Cup and the Gunners will be hoping their unlikely run continues for another couple of matches. ✪ Key players: Flyhalf Greig Laidlaw will be closely marked

by Ulster after proving the difference against Toulouse.

His partnership with scrumhalf Mike Blair will determine whether Edinburgh simply weather the storm or manage to threaten enough while in possession to keep Ulster on their toes. Up front, hooker Ross Ford is Scotland’s national captain and won’t take a backward step. ✪ Prediction: It’s been emotional, but Edinburgh will be outgunned in Dublin.

Clermont Auvergne ✪ Overall: In the past couple of seasons, Clermont and Toulouse have emerged as the dominant sides in French rugby, sharing the last two titles and pulling away from the chasing pack in this year’s Top 14 race. Still, their fans were made to sweat during the group stage, their team, like Edinburgh, only qualifying for the knock-out stage on bonus points. But they found an extra gear when they went to Vicarage Road and beat Saracens, the only English side who looked at all capable of firing a shot in Europe.

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Edinburgh’s Greig Laidlaw; Leinster’s Brian O’Driscoll (top right) and Ulster’s Ruan Pienaar

✪ Key players: They boast a clutch of French stars, most notably Aurelien Rougerie at centre and superstar scrumhalf Morgan Parra (main image). Both players were stand-outs during France’s World Cup campaign and are among the highest-profile players in French rugby. Out wide, former All Black Sitiveni Sivivatu poses a constant attacking threat – his breakaway runs were a feature of his career with the Chiefs and he’s no easier to stop since moving to France. ✪ Prediction: Are they favourites at home? Hard to say – they still lack Leinster’s pedigree in this competition.

Leinster

Photos: Getty

✪ Overall: They’re the reigning European champions and have retained plenty of players who also won the Heineken Cup two years earlier so they’re no strangers to this stage of the tournament. They’ve been in imperious form in the Pro12, topping the table, asserting themselves as hot favourites for the title. They qualified comfortably for the knock-out stage and then belted Cardiff in the quarter-finals.

So, basically, they’ve been simmering along beautifully and they’re the team no one wants to face. ✪ Key players: They’ve got a stack of Irish hard heads, led by Cian Healy and Mike Ross in the forward pack, complimented

by All Blacks legendary lock Brad Thorn and captain Leo Cullen. In the backline, it’s all about Brian O’Driscoll, who has been a fixture at centre for club and Ireland over the course of his glittering career. O’Driscoll needs to cross once more to become equal top try-scorer in this tournament. ✪ Prediction: They have the heavy artillery to go all the way but getting past Clermont won’t be easy.

Heineken Cup semi-finals 2012 Ulster v Edinburgh, Sat, Apr 28. 5.30pm. Sky Sports 1 Clermont Auvergne v Leinster, Sun, Apr 29. 2.30pm. Sky Sports 2

HAYMAN IN THE DRINK IN AN ALL-FRENCH AFFAIR The semi-finals of the Amlin Cup, the second-tier European competition, are also being played this weekend, and the four spots are filled entirely by French clubs.

Carl Hayman, the former All Blacks prop (above), is running around for Toulon these days, after a stint in England playing for Newcastle. As impressive as Hayman’s rugby CV may be, he has achieved distinction off-field as well. When Australian cricketer David Boon drank 52 cans of Victoria Bitter on a long-haul flight from England, he set a long-cherished record, but the whisper in rugby circles is that Hayman has since eclip sed that mark, inhaling a remarkable 60 cans. en route to New Zealand after the 2007 World Cup. Now he’s in France, it might be worth asking whether he’s traded in the beer for a nice little Beaujolais.

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

FLOWER POWER The crowds party on at California’s Coachella music festival, where acts including Radiohead, Snoop Dogg and Pulp rocked the stage. The festival took place twice – with the same line-up – first on April 13-15 and then again on April 20-22.

Photos: Frankie Mullin, Getty

INSIDE

PARK LIFE /80

SUMMER CITY /88

ROAD TRIP /94

The term ‘holiday park’ usually has us running for cover. An eco-adventure stay in Wales proves us wrong.

Sweden’s capital truly comes alive in the sunshine. Make like the locals with pagan parties, island-hopping and seafood soirées.

It’s the holiday your mother warned you about. Going on Van Tour is the wildest ride for an Antipodean in Europe. Hold on tight ...

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TRAVELDIARY

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Laura Chubb ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

AIRPORTS THAT LIE One of my most painful travel memories is landing in Sabiha Gökçen Airport at about three in the morning and hopping straight in a cab to get to my hostel in Istanbul.

Colourful casetas and dress at the fair

FERIA DE ABRIL Seville, Spain The Seville April Fair is six nights of tapas eating, sherry drinking and flamenco dancing in a temporary tent city constructed from 1000 24-29 brightly striped casetas (marquees). Daily bullfights, plus horse-andcarriage processions, also take over the town. Seville’s meandering medieval lanes and hidden plazas make a great venue for a party.

APR

WHY: Held two weeks after the much calmer Semana Santa – or Holy Week – the fair began as a livestock sale in the 1800s. It quickly evolved into less cattle purchasing and more celebrating, though, and is renowned as the biggest party in Seville (already a raucous locale in its own right).

AFRIKABURN

Tankwa, South Africa

andalucia.com/cities/sevilla.htm

LE PRINTEMPS DE BOURGES Bourges, France

Fiery festival featuring flaming artworks, 25-30 performance pieces and music. As a Burning Man regional event, it’s a community effort that produces a temporary art city dedicated to creative expression.

APR

afrikaburn.com

Showcasing more than 200 eclectic artists, this major 24-29 music event is known for presenting the best new talent. Friends, The Rapture and Django Django are just a few names on the bill this year.

APR

printemps-bourges.com

FIESTA DE MOROS Y CRISTIANOS

INTERSTATE MULLET TOSS

Locals fill the streets dressed as slaves and soldiers to 22-24 celebrate the Reconquista, the period during which Spain was liberated from Muslim rule in the 13th century. A year is spent preparing 28 armies to fight in the mock war.

Locals from two neighbouring states gather 27-29 on the beach to watch each other throw the mullet, an indigenous ray-finned fish, across the state line from Alabama into Florida. Makes perfect sense to us.

Alcoy, Spain APR

spain.info/en

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DO IT BECAUSE: This is the perfect opportunity to find out what Andalucia is all about. Folk from Seville flamenco dancing, churros con chocolate and some of the country’s best bullfights make this a party you just can’t afford to miss.

Pensacola, US APR

florabama.com

Photos: Getty

This is an agonising recollection because, when I reached my final destination, the fare had clicked up to a pretty fucking substantial £90.

Imagine spending that much of your holiday money before there’s been chance to do or see a damn thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I was pissed.

However, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in being screwed over by airports that lie about where they are. When I booked my plane tickets, I’d simply typed in London to Istanbul, and hadn’t realised the airport was actually situated more than 30 miles from the city centre.

The reason this rotten past has been dredged up is that I recently discovered Ryanair flies into Paris-Vatry-Disneyland airport – a particularly devious title, seeing as it is 70 miles from Disneyland and more than 80 miles from Paris.

Now, regarding the Istanbul debacle, I should shoulder some of the blame. I didn’t do my research.

As a result, I took a cab at a time when tariffs are double the daytime fare, and I was clueless as to whether there were any cheaper options, such as a shuttle bus.

And yes, you can’t necessarily build an airport in the middle of a city for obvious reasons – although some destinations, such as Dubai, seem to have managed fine – but then isn’t there a duty for the airport to (a) be clear about where it actually is, and (b) provide affordable transport between airport and city, available at all times of day and night?

What’s been your craziest airportto-city transfer? Email the worst to laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

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MEGABUS TO EUROPE Megabus, the uber-budget coach company, has announced it will begin offering UK to Europe routes starting at £1. Destinations include Paris, Boulogne, Brussels and Amsterdam. Better still, tickets include the ferry crossing, and even if you don’t manage to nab a super-sweet £1 fare, prices don’t nudge over £40. So what’s the downside to all of this? Just the small matter of the bum-numbing time spent on the coach – it takes nine hours and 15 minutes to get to Paris. Still, you don’t get to call yourself a proper traveller without spending some punishing stretches on the road. It’s simple: if the bank account is lacking, man up and take a road trip.

Photos: Getty

£260M ATM CHARGES Travellers are spending more than £260m annually in ATM charges when withdrawing money abroad, a new report claims. A survey of more than 2000 Brits found 67 per cent used their debit and credit cards overseas, incurring average charges of £13.75 per holiday.

Extrapolating this figure to the 28,598,000 British adults who holidayed abroad in 2011, researchers discovered the monstrous amount we’re collectively spending on bank charges.

Sunshine.co.uk co-founder Chris Clarkson said: “Planning is key: work out how much you will need for the duration of your break.”

Travel from London to Brussels for a quid

SHAKE UP BLACKPOOL Chavvy seaside resort Blackpool could be about to offer more thrills than even its Pleasure Beach theme park – drilling for natural gas has produced a series of earthquakes in the region, and the tremors look set to continue. Energy company Cuadrilla admitted to producing 2.3and 1.5-scale quakes last spring, and ceased drilling afterwards. But a new report that claims the drilling is unlikely to cause quakes that will result in damage means the work could soon restart. Dr Brian Baptie of the British Geological Survey confirmed: “The probability of damage is extremely small.” Let Blackpool shake, then.

EASYPHONE? NOPE! Call easyJet’s phone line for information and you face a wait of up to 68 minutes, a new study has revealed. The budget airline was named the second-worst company in the UK in terms of treatment of telephone customers, after queue-cutting service WeQ4U made calls to 3000 different firms, including Ikea, T-Mobile Direct, InHealth Netcare (which came first) and Apple UK. easyJet rejected the findings, insisting that 80 per cent of customers wait less than 60 seconds to speak to a staff member. British Airways was named the survey’s third-worst company.

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Sharp shooters: our writer (right) and pal set their sights on clay pigeons

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Bluestone National Park WALES

WALES Blue Stone National Park

Carreg Las is Bluestone’s fine-dining restaurant. Try the locally produced organic beef and lamb or locally landed sea bream. Great food and an extensive wine list. Two courses for £35.

Cardiff

GETTING THERE Take a First Great Western train from London to Swansea.

Weekend return tickets cost from £40 (firstgreatwestern.co.uk). From Swansea, take an Arriva train to Narberth. Return tickets from £26 (arrivatrainswales.co.uk).

There are several restaurants and cafes at Bluestone, but you can also have food, wine and beer delivered to your accommodation. Another alternative is to book an inclusive package, which includes morning and evening meals. From £30 per day per person.

Like camping but less hassle, sit around the BBQ pit with a cold beer at Camp Smokey. Some nights there’s entertainment, otherwise just enjoy getting drunk in the forest. Serves bottled beers from £3.50.

Bluestone’s pub, The Knights Tafarn, may not feel exactly like a local Welsh pub, but it’s unpretentious and there’s beer and an open fire. On a nice day, you can sit at tables outside.

Pints from £3.50.

Clockwise from above: try ziplining, chill out at Camp Smokey, relax in the spa, then sleep in wooden cabins 80

Bluestone offers a fournight midweek (MondayFriday) or three-night weekend (Friday-Monday) break from £249 for a two-bedrom lodge, sleeping up to four people, or from £99 for a studio, based on two people sharing. bluestonewales.com

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UKTRIP

Park life The term ‘holiday park’ usually has us running for cover. An eco-adventure stay proves us wrong

Photos: TNT

WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

As the one-carriage train pulls out of Swansea and sets off across ever more remote Welsh countryside, my friend Sam and I breathe almost theatrical sighs of relaxation. Blanking out the cider-drinking uni students a few seats down, we are already settling into a holier-than-thou ‘I’m on a detox’ state of mind.

We’re en route to Bluestone, an eco resort in the middle of the Pembrokeshire National Park. Along this quiet track, the train stops by request only and we’re the sole people to alight at Narberth. A short taxi ride later we’re at Bluestone, driving a golf buggy towards the timber lodge that will be home for the weekend.

Call me a snob, but the term ‘holiday park’ usually has me running for the hills. Bluestone, however, is already in said hills and goes a long way to breaking down some of my assumptions about this type of getaway. For a start, there’s the accommodation. Roomy wooden cabins look out over the Preseli Mountains – on some days. these distant peaks are sharp and clear, on others they rise from the mist. Then, there’s Bluestone’s green pledge. The resort operates on principles of sustainability and attempts to cause minimal impact on the environment – there’s no shortage of recycling facilities and the park aims to reduce energy and water consumption wherever possible.

We spend our first night in a pub located in the faux old Welsh village at the centre of the park. Despite the convincing stone exterior, the boozer’s authenticity is slightly dubious, but we don’t care. “We’re here to get healthy,” we say virtuously after a solitary bottle of wine.

True to our word, we’re up early the next day and are rewarded with glorious sunshine. And no hangover! First up is a session of laser clay pigeon shooting. Instead of a bullet, we fire a beam from a modified shotgun and a digital screen registers whether we’ve hit our flying target. I suffer from the delusion that whenever I try something new, I’ll discover it’s my calling and be heralded ‘a natural’. As frequently happens, however, this isn’t so, and Sam wipes the floor with me, hitting as many clay birds as I miss. I make her swap guns in case the competition has been rigged. It hasn’t.

Somehow still friends, we make our way to Camp Smokey, a wooden bar with BBQ at the bottom of a wooded ravine.

Lana Del Ray blasts out, but the forest is peaceful and I eat

a delicious swordfish steak and feel holiday-ish. From time to time, great shrieks burst from overhead and people whizz by on the zipwire that runs from the top of the ravine and through the trees. It looks like brilliant fun and I wish we’d booked in for a go ourselves.

After a cross-country run in the afternoon, Sam and I meet local guide, Terry John, for a historical tour of the site.

Again, I’m sceptical, finding it improbable that holiday parks and history coexist. And, again, I’m proved wrong. It turns out Bluestone was built over a spring that bubbles from the ground and was once a sacred spot, worshipped by the Pagans. Later, Christians, too, laid claim to the place, making pilgrimages to a holy well built over the spring. In a grassy field nearby, a large rock is really the witch Tanglwst,

“

The ground was once worshipped by Pagans

”

turned to stone as a punishment for making people dance on a Sunday, according to local legend.

The next day we’re feeling the effects of overindulging in Bluestone’s Carreg Las restaurant (we had to, the food and wine were that good). But no matter, we’re off to the spa to cleanse ourselves of all wrong-doing.

I spend the morning wandering between the eucalyptusscented steam room, the salt room and the Celtic sauna.

I drift in and out of conversation with a group of Welsh women who are here on a girlie weekend.

They’ve been to the spa before and are big fans. After my afternoon treatment, which involves being wrapped, (nearly) naked, in melted chocolate and essential Northern Ireland: oils, I’m in absolute Kayaking the agreement with them.

Giant’s Causeway Who knew holiday parks could be this fun? ❚

NEXT WEEK

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LATEDEALS

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A 13-day overland tour of Kenya and Tanzania is £1073pp with Acacia Africa

DEAL OF THE WEEK CRAZY COPENHAGEN

£329

Two nights is £329pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 1241050.

Includes B&B accommodation and flights. Book by April 30; valid for travel throughout September 2012.

< £250

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ISTANBUL Four nights is £375pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 1241823. Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and flights from London Heathrow. Book by April 30; valid for travel September 12-30.

MOROCCO An eight-day Adventure Morocco tour is £335pp (save 30 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Visiting M’Hamid/ Zagora, Sahara, Chigaga, Agadir, Marrakech and more. Includes four-star accommodation, desert camp, Bedouin camp, some meals, guides and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by April 30; departs May 19.

PORTUGAL A seven-night stay in the Algarve is £278pp with cheapflights.co.uk. Includes fourstar, all-inclusive accommodation in Albufeira and flights from London Gatwick. Valid for travel May 8-15.

> £500 TURKEY A 12-day tour is £524pp (save 30 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes accommodation, most meals, guide and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by April 30; departs May 19.

AFRICA A 13-day Kenya and Tanzania Adventure is £1073pp (save £373pp) with Acacia Africa (acacia-africa.com; 0207 7064700). This overland tour starts from Nairobi and ends in Dar Es Salaam.

Includes camping accommodation, transport, most meals and guides.

Excludes flights and local payment.

Departs May 6.

THAILAND A 10-night trip to Bangkok and Phuket is £659pp with Bridge the World (0800 9886884; bridgetheworld.com). Includes room-only accommodation and flights from London Heathrow. Book by April 30; valid for travel before June 30.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

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EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.53 New Zealand dollar 1.93 South African rand 12.42 Polish złoty 5.06 Euro 1.21 US dollar 1.59 Canadian dollar 1.57 Hong Kong dollar 12.36 Swedish krona 10.78 Swiss franc 1.45 Singapore dollar 1.98 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

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ROME Two nights is £95pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights from London Stansted. Departs May 10.

KRAKOW Two nights in Krakow is £165pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights from London Gatwick. Departs May 21.

SAIL GREECE An eight-day Bodrum to Mykonos tour is £159pp (save £340pp) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes seven nights on a private boat, some meals, tour leader and crew. Excludes flights, port tax and local payment. Book by April 30; departs May 20.

GREECE Seven nights in Kalithea is £192pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, all-inclusive accommodation and flights from London Stansted. Departs May 10.

AMSTERDAM Two nights is £145pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes B&B accommodation and flights from London Southend. Departs on May 8.

TURKEY Seven nights in Icmeler is £201pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, all-inclusive accommodation and flights from London Luton. Departs May 7.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Keeping it real Candid or reportage portraits are becoming more popular as photographers and viewers seek natural scenes. These images tend to lack the formality of posed portraits, and the best way to start is to always have a camera with you to shoot those unexpected moments. Try to position yourself strategically to help anticipate

the action. Using a zoom lens can be useful, as you don’t have to be so close to your subject while still maintaining intimacy. The further away you are, the more relaxed and natural your subject will be. Instead of using a flash, try a higher ISO, a faster lens and a larger aperture setting. Most importantly, be spontaneous!

WINNER THE PILGRIMAGE Lara Jones, Australia

WHY IT WORKS This photograph is fun and humourous. The three men are in traditional Spanish dress upon their handsome steeds, ready for the day’s action. The only modern item in the image, the digital camera in the centre, brings the scene from an old-fashioned one into the here and now. This isn’t a photograph of days gone by, but people dressing up and showing off. These guys are proud of how they look and want to record their day for posterity!

RUNNER-UP CHIANG MAI FOOD MARKET Matt Horspool, Australia

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS This truthful portrayal of everyday life in Thailand has been beautifully shot. The produce on the table, although simple, brings a necessary splash of colour to the dark indoor market. The woman’s eye catches the camera lens, but she remains poised, ready to serve.

It represents an aspect sometimes ignored by tourists.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

1

BOAT TRIPS

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KERALA’S BACKWATERS, INDIA

If forced to pick just one do-beforeyou-die boat trip, it’d be drifting lazily along Kerala’s backwaters on a ricebarge-cum-houseboat.

How to describe the bliss of a couple of days sailing the palm-fringed lagoons, lakes, rivers and canals that meander through this southern Indian state, known as ‘God’s own country’?

‘Paradise’ doesn’t quite cut it. Kerala is astonishingly green, and a medley of shades make an appearance as you glide past the coconut groves and backwater villages that flank this labyrinthine network of snaking, interconnected waterways.

But it’s not just the peaceful beauty of the still waters and verdant fringes that set this scenery to ‘stun’. The houseboats themselves – once used to transport grain, and now converted into floating accommodation for tourists – only add to the exotic miseen-scene, their wooden hulls covered over with thatched roofs.

You can easily hire a private boat and three-strong crew from Alleppey, probably the most popular spot to start 84 00

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a houseboat tour. Shop around before agreeing a price – a night on the boat and all meals included should cost about £30 per person, with the option to buy cold Kingfishers while you’re on board.

Then sit back and relax on the openair deck and soak up the sights. And if you’re lucky enough to spot a local fisherman hawking tiger prawns, we highly recommend you make a purchase – these succulent beasts were cooked to near-tear-inducing perfection by our onboard chef.

Houseboats come with double bedrooms and Western-style bathrooms, but be sure to spend as much time as you can out on deck.

There’s nothing quite like sipping a cold one by lamplight under the Keralan stars. (Tip: wear insect repellent.)

And while the backwaters are an undisputed highlight of a trip to Kerala, we can’t recommend exploring this stunning state more thoroughly enough. Keep an eye on TNT in June for more. keralatourism.org

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN

2

HALONG BAY, VIETNAM

3

FJORDS, NORWAY

Modest A few days’ sailing on a traditional junk around Halong Bay makes a welcome respite from the motorscooter madness of big city Vietnam.

Generously sprinkled with thousands of limestone karsts, this bay is genuinely breathtaking. Most tours also include kayaking around lagoons. If you have time, make a stop at Cat Ba Island and visit the fascinating Hospital Cave, an impressive feat of engineering during that war. vietnamtourism.gov.vn/English

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

4

DISKO BAY, GREENLAND

Bob between icebergs on an incredible cruise from Greenland’s western coast.

The town of Ilulissat borders the edge of a 40km icefjord that produces 20 million tonnes of ice per day.

The Disko Bay bergs are astoundingly large – some measure up to 3300ft in height. And as you stare out at these towering masses, you’re only seeing about one-eighth of the full iceberg.

Cruises typically include plenty of opportunities to go ashore for hiking and wildlife-watching, too. greenland-guide.gl

Take the classic Hurtigruten voyage from Bergen to Kirkenes, crossing the Arctic Circle and sailing through the exceptional Geirangerfjord, where the ice-blue water is hemmed by steep, imposing cliffs, and foaming waterfalls rush down on all sides.

The cruise also stops off at medieval towns, enters into the land of the Midnight Sun, and introduces you to the indigenous Sami communities of Northern Scandinavia. hurtigruten.co.uk

5

TONLE SAP LAKE, CAMBODIA

Taking the speedboat from Battambang to Siem Reap is flush with visual treats.

The six-hour journey passes a wealth of life on the water – floating pig pens, entire villages built on rafts, the odd ochre-robed monk paddling his way home in a canoe.

Sit up on the roof of the boat for the best views, but go below deck as you near Siem Reap. Unforgiving waves are thrown up around a flooded forest, and you could easily tumble overboard. We hear the lake is filled with snakes.

ALPIS COTTIA OVERVIEW This modest cafe enjoys prime real estate at the foot of the slopes of Montgenevre – France’s oldest ski resort, which straddles the French/ Italian border.

The hotel is right at the heart of the humbly proportioned town, clad by exciting pistes, surrounded by classy restaurants and slowly being pimped up with glossy hotel developments.

WOW FACTOR The rooms and communal dining area are cosy, with typical alpine stylings – just the trick when you’ve spent the day buried in snow – and underfloor heating keeps feet warm.

Depending on the position of your room, there are views of death-wish skiiers flogging a black run, soaring craggy mountains, or goggle-marked tourists enjoying the aprés ski scene in the al fresco Le Graal Cafe beneath. One of the best haunts in the area, it’s packed to the gills in the high season.

BILL PLEASE A double room costs £41pppn during winter and £28pppn in summer, including a simple cosmopolitan breakfast of croissants and coffee.

B. P. 5Route d’Italie hotelalpiscottia.com

tourismcambodia.org

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READERS’ TIPS

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LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

boyfriend and I are travelling Q My around Australia for four months and would really like to volunteer for an environmental NGO at the Great Barrier Reef (or any other organisation that protects this beautiful environment).

Can you help? Virginie, via email travel is a huge industry and A Volunteer travellers often find themselves paying over

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campervan. I’ll probably spend a day or two in Edinburgh, but after that, where do you recommend I go? Anthony, via email are so many routes to choose from, A There but I’ve opted for a Highlands tour as a good bet. On this trip you will get to experience the Scottish countryside with some island life thrown in for good measure.

First up, an hour’s drive north-west will get you to the magnificent Stirling castle – a commanding fortress steeped in Scotland’s tumultuous history. Start early on day two, driving two hours north-west again towards the Highlands. Break up the drive in the picturesque hills and lochs of the Trossachs National Park.

Finish your drive in Ben Nevis, where you will find the popular Glen Nevis campsite at the foot of the mountain (glen-nevis.co.uk). Spend a couple of days exploring the mountain and tourist hotspot Fort William on the banks of Loch Linnhe.

Then hit the road again, heading west to the silver sand coast between Arisaig and Morar.

You will find a campsite at Camusdarach beach (road-to-the-isles.org). Spend the evening sampling local seafood and then get up bright and early for the ferry to the Isle of Skye from Mallaig (calmac.co.uk), which takes 30 minutes.

Sample the island’s cosy pubs after a bracing walk along the cliff tops. Once you are back on the mainland, you are only a couple of hours drive from Loch Ness.

A TAXING TIME If you happen to be in New York do NOT try to get a taxi to the airport on a Friday afternoon or evening. Even if you book one via your hotel, it will either not turn up or demand double the usual price. Go home on Thursday instead: your wallet will thank you for it, as will your own sense of peace.

Di Hiatt, via Facebook

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the odds to experience this type of trip. Help is at hand, however, as Volunteering Australia has set up a free online service called Go Volunteer (govolunteer.com.au) to provide travellers with access to not-for-profit organisations that are looking for help. Go Volunteer has a job search function so you can access the latest opportunities in seconds. As you’re looking at a specific geographic area, you’ll need to sort through the listings, but the site catalogues a wide variety of options throughout the country.

The problem you will come up against is that the Great Barrier Reef is an incredibly soughtafter destination, so opportunities to volunteer and stay in this tropical paradise at a reduced rate are incredibly hard to come by. Due to the nature of marine life on the reef, opportunities often require expertise, such as helping Earthwatch to identify marine species (whc.unesco.org).

You could pay to volunteer in this region but it won’t be cheap. i to i, for example, offers two weeks’ work in a wildlife sanctuary on Kangaroo Island for about £615 (i-to-i.com).

planning to take 10 days in Q I’m summer to travel around Scotland by

MISTY MOMENTS TIP Mist Adventures is great OF THE for a Slovakian extreme WEEK sports holiday in the snow or the sun! You can go mountainboarding, mountainbiking, hiking, climbing and paragliding around the Liptov region, in the mountains of northern Slovakia.

It’s totally awesome. You should go there as soon as possible.

James Philpot, via Facebook

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

EMILY MORRIS, 20

KATE MENZIES, 27

Salt Lake, US

Cambridge, England

BEST I absolutely love being outdoors, so I go on a lot of camping trips. My favourite was a break in Joshua Tree, California two years ago. Every inch is beautiful – there are some breathtaking sites. It’s a very peaceful place.

Your most memorable travel experience?

I went trekking in the jungle in Peru and I’ve never been anywhere like it before. It’s something you can’t find anywhere else – you just can’t replicate it.

Scariest travel experience?

In Morocco I noticed a huge culture clash, and, as a woman, I found it intimidating at times. Otherwise, it was a beautiful country.

Top travel tip?

Seal everything in plastic. You never know when something might spill in your suitcase.

WORST My parents took my family to the Florida Everglades and I was terrified when we did an airboat tour.

I hate all reptiles and there were alligators swimming right up next to our tiny little boat! » Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Photos: TNT, Scottish Viewpoint, Luis Ascul

SPLASHING OUT

HELI-FISHING AND WHISKY WEEKEND Make like an old Scottish dude and try a spot of fly-fishing on the River Tay, with luxury fishing hut, helicopter rides, whisky tours and cooking lessons thrown in.

Three nights at the Craigellachie Hotel, with helicopter flights, fishing lessons and permits, threecourse dinner every day, and more is £1010pp with Oxford Hotels and Inns (oxfordhotelsandinns.com)

THE INSIDER

GLENYCE JOHNSON Managing director Peregrine Adventures and Gecko’s Adventures

My first big trip was when I was 19. I’d saved up all my money to go to California. I was just amazed by everything, especially the size of the food.

My most challenging travel experience was when I spent a year in Africa in 1989. I crossed the Sahara in a truck and we did everything from losing the vehicle in a river to getting malaria. I felt indestructible back then, though.

My favourite place in the world is... well, I’ve been to more than 100 countries, so that’s tough! Africa is my favourite continent, because it’s a life-changing experience. But Nepal, Antarctica and Burma all stick out, too.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is the TransMongolian railway. I’ve just got to find 19 consecutive days off work!

But it’s my goal to do it before 2016.

My guilty travel pleasure is enjoying all the fantastic food.

I always pack hand luggage only. And earplugs for the plane.

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Stockholm is spread over 14 islands, making it the perfect spot for some outdoorsy action [Caption]

Stockholm SWEDEN

SWEDEN STOCKHOLM

GETTING THERE Return flights from London Heathrow to Stockholm Arlanda cost from ÂŁ106 with British Airways. (britishairways.com) Clockwise from above: cafe culture; crayfish parties; theme park rides; feel summer vibes 88

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Summer city Sweden’s capital truly comes alive in the sunshine. Make like the locals with pagan parties, island-hopping and seafood soirées WORDS ANNA NORMAN

While there’s a real appeal to the idea of a winter break in Stockholm – with glögg (mulled wine), candles and Christmas markets creating a cosy vibe – ask any Stockholmer when the best time to visit their city is and nine times out of 10 they’ll answer, “in the summer”. This is when the city comes back to life after months of hibernation, with locals desperate to peel back the layers and fully embrace the new-found warmth and light.

Made up of one third greenery, one third land and one third water, Stockholm is a stunning sight in the sunshine, when the water glimmers and each of its 14 islands beckons with their own distinctive outdoor attractions. But despite the physical beauty of the surroundings, summer in Stockholm is as much a state of mind as it is sunny skies and long evenings – and the hedonistic vibe is addictive.

Swimming in Lake Mälaren Lake Mälaren, the expanse of water upon which much of the city is built, is clean enough to swim in, even in the city centre – a point of great pride for most locals. From May onwards, residents make the most of this at various spots in the centre, such as the lovely island of Skeppsholmen, in the heart of Stockholm. Two of the best swimming spots are a little further out, however: trendy Långholmsbadet, on the verdant island of Långholmen (tip: get there early to mark out your space) and the rocky ‘cliffs’ of Fredhällsbadet on Kungsholmen. If you head to the latter, do as the locals do and climb down the rough steps from Snoilskyvägen or Atterbomsvägen, and then jump into the deep, clear water from the rocky outcrop. stockholm.se fredhallsbadklubb.se

a barrel of laughs, but once the brännvin (aka schnapps) starts flowing, it’s a riot of a night that runs into the wee hours and rivals New Year’s Eve for its party spirit. sweden.se

Djurgården Stockholm’s ‘Sunday destination’, Djurgården (pronounced ‘your-gore-den’) is a green oasis of forests and cycle paths.

The island really comes into its own in summer for being the site of two of Stockholm’s best-loved outdoor venues: Gröna Lund theme park and, a five-minute walk away, Blå Porten café. The former is Sweden’s oldest amusement park, and a real symbol of summer; it has kitsch charm aplenty and hosts rock/ pop concerts in the evenings that draw an up-forit crowd. Blå Porten (‘Blue Door’), meanwhile, is the absolute don’t-miss outdoor lunch spot, drawing locals of all stripes to its courtyard space. Sitting in the sunshine enjoying the homely grub with a background hum of raucous chat, you’ll get an unrivalled feel-good summer vibe. ›› gronalund.com blaporten.com

Midsummer in the archipelago The pagan Midsummer festival on June 23-25 is a big deal in Sweden – a chance to celebrate the light and warmth that evades the country for two thirds of the year. Don’t stay in Stockholm at this time, though, as everyone heads to one of the 30,000 islands of the archipelago. Waxholm and Grinda are deservedly popular and easily reachable islands to decamp to – but be prepared for boats to rival Noah’s Ark in terms of crowding. Midsummer Eve is an outdoor affair, marked with garlands of flowers, maypole dancing and traditional smörgåsbord – which might not sound like

Splash: the city’s water demands a dip TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Crayfish parties Throughout August, locals partake in these legendary parties – called kräftskiva – that provide a chance to see Swedes at their rowdiest. The late-summer seasonal feasts are a chance for friends to get together and chow down on cold crayfish and sink a few beers. Tables are decorated with colourful paper lanterns, everyone wears a comic paper hat and bib, and much merriment is had all round, especially once the schnapps frees up everyone’s inhibitions. sweden.se

Popaganda festival Popaganda in late August is a two-day indie-rock/ electro music festival that’s distinctly Swedish, and oh-so-very stylish; situated around the open-air swimming pool of Eriksbadet on Södermalm, Stockholm’s large southern island, it draws a fashion-conscious but sociable crowd. Södermalm itself is a great summer spot, with dozens of cool bars and cafés to hang out in and watch the world go by. popaganda.se ❚

Indoctrinate: check out Popaganda fest

NEXT WEEK Osnabrück: Darkrobed weirdos and severed heads in the ‘City of Peace’

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Gildas Rum is a favoured café among the trendy locals of Södermalm, being perfectly situated opposite Nytorget – a grassy square and prime summer hangout. Order one of the delicious sandwiches and enjoy it at one of the outdoor tables.

Mains from £6. (Skånegatan 79, tel. 08 694 7590)

The open-air Nyfiken Gul grill is also located on Södermalm, serving barbecued meat, fish and veggie dishes to a lively crowd during the summer months. There’s sometimes a queue for tables, but you can get a beer at the bar and let the tasty aromas awaken your appetite while you wait. Mains from £11. nyfikengul.se

For something altogether more sophisticated, head to Gamla Stan (the Old Town) for Michelin-starred Frantzén & Lindeberg, serving contemporary Swedish cuisine. The vegetables and herbs come from the restaurant garden, and the fish and meat from local farmers and fishermen. Multi-course menus from £150. frantzen-lindeberg.com

DRINK

The terrace of Södra Bar, previously known as Mosebacke, is one of Stockholm’s hottest summer nightspots, thriving with a twentyand thirtysomething crowd enjoying the cutting-edge live music acts and fabulous views of the harbour. Beers from £3. sodrateatern.com/sv

Open in June, July and August, the bar at Gondolen restaurant offers some of the best views in Stockholm.

Reached via the famous Katarina lift, next to Slussen, it draws a mixed crowd of locals and tourists enjoying well-made cocktails and panoramic sunsets. Glasses of wine from £7.20. eriks.se

Gerda Bar on Kungsholmen has a distinct summer feel, by virtue of the fact that it’s located on a boat with a retractable roof. Attracting a smart, moneyed crowd, it’s a good spot to sip a cocktail (from £8) and enjoy the gentle breeze. gerdabarbrasserie.se

SLEEP

Located in a former prison, the Långholmen Youth Hostel is simply furnished, but has a warmer vibe than in its past. It also has a lovely summer café and is located near one of the city’s best beaches, Långholmsbadet. Dorm beds from £25pn. langholmen.com

One of Stockholm’s newest hotels, Hellstens Malmgård, on Södermalm, is located near Stockholm’s hippest nightlife, cafés and shops. Housed in a converted mansion, the rooms have a lovely airy vibe and a garden where breakfast is served. Doubles from £129pn. hellstensmalmgard.se

In the heart of the city, yet in a supremely peaceful spot, Hotel Skeppsholmen is one of the most stylish hotels in Stockholm. The vibe may be laidback, but attention to detail is second-to-none, and the tiny island – ringed with moored-up boats – offers some top cultural attractions.

Doubles from £167pn. hotelskeppsholmen.com

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Anna Norman

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Pearl of the Adriatic This is Dubrovnik in 48 hours WORDS ADAM LEYLAND

DAY 1: 09:00 Start your journey early at the Pile Gate (The Placa Thoroughfare, Stradun), built in 1537, which takes you into Dubrovnik’s enchanting Old Town.

09:15 Just beyond the gate are the steps that lead up to the ancient City Walls (inside the Pile Gate and to the left, admission £7), where you can soak up some unforgettable views of the Old Town and surrounding Adriatic coastline. At the coastal end of the wall, you’ll find the Fort Lovrijenac, or ‘Dubrovnik’s Gibraltar’, built in the 11th century. Once you’ve taken in the incredible views, make your way back to the gate where you started.

10:45 You’ll feel like you’ve stepped back in time as you pass through the Pile Gate into the Placa Thoroughfare, with its limestone-paved narrow streets, each steeped in centuriesold European architecture. Keep an eye out for the stunning Italian-built 15th-century Onofrio fountains – the bigger of the two is one of Dubrovnik’s most famous landmarks, built in 1438. Spot it right next to the Pile Gate.

11:15 Stroll through the spotless streets to the Franciscan Monastery (Placa 2, Stradun). Building work began in 1317. It contains world-renowned ancient manuscripts and is home to the oldest pharmacy in Europe.

12:00 Hungry? Head down to the tiny Sugar and Spice Cafe (Sv. Josipa 5, dishes from £1.50). As with everything else purchased in Dubrovnik, pay in kunas to avoid being overcharged. Grab a meat pasty and one of the cafe’s famed carrot cake muffins. Wash it down with a cup of local coffee, whilst sitting in the historic alleyway beside the building.

13:00 Burn off those calories by visiting the 15th-century 92

Rector’s Palace (Pred Dvorom 1, admission £4), the central government building of the old Republic of Dubrovnik. It looks pretty now, but has suffered damage from fires, gunpowder explosions and earthquakes over the years.

15:00 That’s enough pounding the pavements. Head back to the Pile Gate and make your way towards the Dubrovnik Cable Car (dubrovnikcablecar.com, admission £8 return). The car takes you up Mount Srd, home to the famous Napoleon-built Fort Imperial, a national treasure used by Croats to defend the city during the Balkans War. Get a harrowing insight into the horror of the 1991-1995 conflict by visiting the Museum of the Croatian War of Independence inside the fort (admission £2).

18:00 Watch the sun set from the top of the hill, where you’ll get great views over Dubrovnik and its surrounding islands – on a clear day, you can see up to 37 miles. Then head through the Old Town to Dalmatino Konoba Restaurant (Miha Pracata 6). Try the delicious cuttlefish black risotto, mussels and fried calamari for about £14.

21:30 Move on to Café Bar Buza (cafebuza.com), found through a hole in the southern city walls. Toast the sea view from this cliff-side bar with a £2.50 shot of fig rakia, a traditional Croatian spirit.

23:00 The night is yet young, so put on your dancing shoes and pay a visit to the beachfront EastWest Club (ew-dubrovnik.com), where the beautiful people party.

02:00 Wobble your way to the Old Town Hostel (dubrovnikoldtownhostel.com, from £20pn) for some well-earned kip after an eventful day.

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Wired: catch the cable car to see the war museum and views

DAY 2: 10:00 Scoff your free breakfast and then buy a bus ticket for 80p at the Pile Gate to Gruz Harbour, north-west of the Old Town, and jump on to a ferry heading to Lopud Island for only £5 return. Pick up a timetable, too, to avoid missing one of the three boats that returns to the city.

12:00 Stroll from Lopud’s port into town, and pass by one of the 30 ancient churches dotted around this small island.

Enjoy the zero car traffic and wander down to the pristine sands of Sunj Beach. Sample some local beers for £2, soak up some afternoon sun, and swim in the lagoon-like crystalclear waters.

15:00 Saunter back into town, clamber up a hill and find Peggy’s Restaurant (Od Sigurate 7). Grab a table overlooking the sea and enjoy a two-course meal of grilled fish and garlic mussels with house wine for £15.

17:00 Head back to the boat and enjoy the sunset on your return to Dubrovnik.

19:00 Check out the atmospheric Restaurant Poklisar (Ribarnica 1), accompanied by music courtesy of a friendly Croatian pianist and a £7 bottle of house wine.

21:00 Seek out more live music at Trubadur Hard Jazz Café (2 Bunieva Poljana). Grab a beer for £2.50, chat with the sociable locals and remember Irish playwrite George Bernard Shaw’s famous words: “Those who seek paradise on Earth should come to Dubrovnik.” We find it hard to disagree.

Return flights from London Stansted to Dubrovnik from £81 easyjet.com with easyJet

Admiral-able: the Fort Imperial was built by lil man Napoleon

Landmark: the 15th-century Onofrio Fountain is a famous sight TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Road trip It’s the holiday your mother warned you about. Going on Van Tour is the wildest ride for an Antipodean in Europe. Hold on tight ...

WORDS LAURA CHUBB

What is Van Tour? Chances are you’ve heard of it, even if the details are fuzzy. “A pisshead’s tour of Europe” is how it’s been put in the past – which isn’t too far from the truth.

In short, Van Tour is an Antipodean rite of passage, but one without any formal arrangements or routes. The general idea is to grab some buddies and a beat-up van and embark on a road trip around Europe. The unofficial start and end points are the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona (July 6) and Oktoberfest in Munich (September 22), though you can go for as long or short a period as you like. Taking in major European festivals along the way, you’ll bump into and meet up with fellow van touring types – and, in all likelihood, get ruinously pissed en masse.

While this is an independently organised ‘tour’, there are resources to ease your way. And your old buddy TNT is here to help you with those first tentative steps towards the ride of your life. Read on to find out which festivals you should work into your itinerary, some suggested routes, a few sensible points (not too many, promise), and the lowdown on the infamous 100 Club – an event exclusive to Van Tour, and not something you want to wander into without reading up on it first. Trust us.

Best of the fests A major part of Van Tour is swinging by as many crazy festivals as you can. We know all about Pamplona and Oktoberfest, but what should you hit up in between? Here are some ideas, but remember you can’t do them all. We’ve not included music festivals – see our special supplement in this issue instead, from P37. ✪ Calcio Storico, Florence, Italy – June 24: Start your Van Tour early with this football-rugby-fight mash-up that sees two teams of 27 men dressed in Renaissance pants play a non-stop 50-minute game of what might be better termed ‘murder ball’ in a giant sand pit. It dates back to 16th-century Italy and punching, head-butting and choking are encouraged. ultimateitaly.com ✪ Haro Wine Festival, La Rioja, Spain – June 29: Just a few days before Pamplona, get into the party spirit with this

town-wide celebration that demands participants throw gallons of red wine at each other. There are also winedrinking competitions – might as well start as you mean to go on. lariojaturismo.com ✪ Bordeaux Wine Festival, France – June 28-July 1: Why not stop off in Bordeaux as you drive down to Spain and check out the famous wine region’s festival? Supping fine vinos and visiting vineyards, this is probably the most respectable you’ll appear for some time. bordeaux-fete-le-vin.com/uk ✪ World Bodypainting Festival, Pörtschach am Wörthersee, Austria – July 2-8: You’ll see crazy creations at this event, which hosts the World Bodypainting Awards. There are also bands, DJs and the ‘Body Circus’, which invites “freaks to come out and get wild”. bodypainting-festival.com/en ✪ Santísima Sangre, Denia, Valencia, Spain – July 7: If you’ve already been to San Fermin, you might prefer to check out this alternative bull-running festival. The beasts are released through the streets and directed towards a bullring which has a pier in place of a fourth wall. Runners are challenged to taunt the bull into charging off the pier and into the sea.

We’re assured that people are on hand to help the bulls out of the water. valencia-cityguide.com ✪ Wasserschlacht, Berlin, Germany – July 20: A fun and filthy tradition since 1998, every July residents from Berlin’s Friedrichshain and Kreuzberg districts meet on the Oberbaumbrücke bridge to wage war on each other with water, eggs, fruit, veg, herrings – and anything else that comes to hand, so long as it’s rotten or cooked. Prepare to smell baaaad. Search ‘Wasserschlacht’ on Facebook ✪ Boom Festival, Idanha-a-Nova, Portugal, July 28-Aug 4: This festival for fruit loops – sorry, free spirits – is a sort of Euro Burning Man. Based on the “principles of peace, celebration, psychedelic culture, art, environment, knowledge, education, and love”, you’ll no doubt have a spiffing time in the Alchemy Circle and by the Sacred Fire – read: throwing ›› intoxicated shapes to trance. boomfestival.org TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Perfection: take van and board on the road

Food fight: waging war in Berlin in July ✪ International Regatta of Bathtubs, Dinant, Belgium – August 15: This particularly silly celebration sees locals ‘racing’ homemade crafts down the placid River Meuse.

The only rules are that their creations must include a bathtub and do not have a motor. Take a picnic and sink some beers as you spectate. visitbelgium.com ✪ La Tomatina, Buñol, Valencia, Spain – August 29: You know the drill. The world’s most famous food fight soaks the tiny town of Buñol in tomato juice for yet another year. Turn up early to increase your chances of actually seeing a tomato – thousands of tourists pack into Buñol’s narrow lanes. And do NOT wear a white T-shirt. latomatina.org

Calcio Storico: rugby-football punch-up The route There is no set route on Van Tour – you can motor wherever you please. But to help you make a plan, we’ve devised an itinerary from Pamplona to Oktoberfest, with no more than a day’s driving between each stop. Use it as a starting point to map out your own travels. We’ve kept this overland, but many folks like to work in the Greek islands, where they can earn money and party at the same time.

✪ Festa des Vermar, Binissalem, Majorca – September 15-30: This annual grape harvest festival is a riot of parades, parties, and grape-crushing competitions. Best of all, however, is the ‘grape battle’, slated to take place around the last weekend of September. Follow the thousands as they chase a piper into surrounding fields – then pelt everyone you see with grapes. illesbalears.es ✪ Closing parties, Ibiza – September 17-30: The notorious party island stages its final blow-outs to mark the end of the season. The biggest clubs and the best DJs will see another year of Ibiza out – could this be the perfect end to three months of pure hedonism? loveibiza.net ✪ 100 Club, Munich, Germany – September 21: You’re on Van Tour, so it’s a requirement – even if it is unutterably gross.

See P99 for the full story.

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Bathtub regatta: big Belgian silliness

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✪ START HERE: Calais, France Once off the ferry, head for Paris. Spend a couple of days exploring the city of love, and stock up on cheap bottles (or boxes – we’re not proud) of wine.

Drive south-west towards Bordeaux. Stop off for a day here, maybe visit a vineyard, and sample the local grape.

Remaining on the coastal route by the Bay of Biscay, you’ll soon find yourself in San Sebastian, Spain. Enjoy the stunning city beaches and prep yourself for some adventures in the region, such a Bilbao BBK Live or San Fermin in nearby Pamplona.

After the festival madness, point yourself in the direction of Lisbon, Portugal. It’s a mercifully compact city with plenty going on – think arty bars, surfing and vintage boutiques.

Hit up Lagos, where you’ll meet masses of fellow Antipodeans up for a beach party. Make sure you get down to Joe’s Garage, where they set fire to the bar and chase you with machetes. More in ‘What is 100 Club?’ (right).

Make a short stop in Seville, Spain, and sample the best nightlife in Andalucia.

Now to Madrid for more pumping bars and clubs. Also check out the capital’s great live music and food scenes.

Arrive in Valencia, on the east coast. Bear in mind when planning your trip that this is the region in which La Tomatina – the ‘tomato fight’ – goes down in August.

Head north up the coast to Barcelona. You’ll want to spend a few days at least in Spain’s sexiest city, admiring the sights (including the bodies on the beach) and, as almost no one says, living la vida loca.

Keep to the coast and dip back into France until you reach Marseilles. Delve into this city’s unique history or, if you prefer to relax, the small beaches between La Pointe Rouge harbour and La Madrague harbour are the cleanest.

A quick stop in Lyon demands you explore the city’s spectacular network of underground passages – called traboules – and take on its big clubbing scene.

It’s about 360 miles from Lyon to Venice, Italy, so you could mount an epic journey (and share the driving), or stop off at Milan in the middle. Work in Florence if you have time and soak up some culture seeing the likes of Michelangelo’s David. Pisa is just a daytrip from here, too.

Cross into Austria and, once at Innsbruck, wander its ›› medieval lanes and sip sundowners while admiring the

Ibiza: the closing parties are huuuuuge

Bud Light is one of the more disgusting ingredients we can think of for the bong

WHAT IS 100 CLUB? Held every year on the Friday before Oktoberfest, 100 Club is a Van Tour institution. Be warned: it is not for the faint-hearted.

Hundreds of Antipodeans park up their vans on a campsite in Munich (always the same one – near Siegenburger Str, ask around to find it or PP Travel provides transfers), and the games begin. The concept is the same as favoured drinking game Centurion – drink a shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes.

But 100 Club is Centurion on a much grander scale, plus there are extra (cruel) rules thrown in. First of all, competitors are not permitted to leave the circle to pee once the game has started. And if you puke, you’re out.

The latter is not as easy as it may sound, considering that a team of judges demands competitors drink disgusting concoctions from a beer bong/ bucket throughout the game.

Members of the crowd are asked to bring food from their vans to include in these most extreme of ‘dirty pints’. 100 Clubbers often find themselves forced to drink cocktails containing the likes of baked beans, eggs, mud … you name it. Often, these mixtures will be served in a crowd member’s dirty gumboot. Worse, we hear it is not beyond judges to pee/ puke into these cocktails and demand that a competitor drink it.

Why on earth would anybody agree to participate in this? Well, we suppose there is a certain kudos that comes with surviving 100 Club. Plus, if you make it to the end of the 100 minutes without spewing, you can take your revenge on the judges in any way you please. This is when it gets really disgusting.

If you want to get some practice in before you arrive in Munich, swing by Joe’s Garage in Lagos, Portugal.

This notorious party bar does its own version of 100 Club and will often set fire to the bar and chase customers with a chainsaw. You know, for fun. joesgarage.eu.com

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Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

surrounding Alps. The view here is truly breathtaking.

It’s about 100 miles from Innsbruck to Munich, Germany.

This is the last big festival stop, so gear up for gallons of beer and steel your liver. The time for Oktoberfest has arrived.

Once you’re no longer over the legal limit, drive 280 miles to Cologne and be glad they serve their beer in small glasses called stanges and not steins.

The fun’s not over yet – a couple more hours driving and you’re in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Of course you’ll be spending your days here visiting the floating flower market and wandering the Van Gogh Museum. Ahem.

To Bruges! This beautiful Belgian town is just over 150 miles yonder. It’s fairytale pretty, and then there’s the small matter of the beer. It’s the perfect end to the perfect tour, and just over an hour from Calais. ✪ END HERE: Dover, England.

You’ve just been to eight countries, dude. Legend. ❚

Santisima Sangre: bull-running, with water

NEXT WEEK Mongolia: Drinking fermented camel milk vodka. Ergh It’s bliss, buddy

KNOW BEFORE YOU GO HOW TO SURVIVE LIFE ON THE ROAD TNT doesn’t want to sound like your mum, but there are a few things worth considering that will help you avoid trouble on the road. Here’s our check-list:

THE VAN: Buying is an option, and although there’s always the danger you’ll end up with a piece of crap, it will be your piece of crap, so you can do whatever you want with it. Still, renting a van will make the insurance part of the proceedings a hell of a lot of easier. There are various companies that specialise in rentals especially for Van Tour, such as Spaceships Rentals and Wicked Campers.

INSURANCE: This can be a pain in the ass, especially if you’re planning on motoring around in an old banger. A lot of companies won’t provide less than 12 months cover, either. However, there are outfits that provide insurance tailored to Van Tour purposes, such as ‘Walkabout Insurance’ with Herts.

DOCUMENTS: Make sure you’ve got the right licences, insurance and visas. Medical insurance is recommended, considering the hijinks you’ll be getting up to.

CAMPSITES: It’s worth researching where to stay. There’s nothing cool about turning up to a quiet, family-oriented campsite and pissing off everyone with your antics. Ask around to find party campsites and look into which sites are notoriously Van Tour-friendly.

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TRAVEL

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Cyclist enraged: To the dickhead white van man who cut me up in the Tuesday arvo rush hour at Dalston Junction... Your ass is mine! Fixies Rule.

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tell anyone that you thought ‘blind auditions’ on The Voice meant that the people auditioning were actually going to be blind. Our little secret, or that could be an axe to your reputation. Steppie.

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Wah wah wah Sara: I can’t cheer you up with chocolate because you’re trying to be skinny, and I can’t cheer you up with a

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#476 School Pippa on the finer points of using a handgun before she returns to Paris

was a particular highlight! Love from Lindy Luscious Housemate war: To whoever nicked my best black T-shirt from the washing pile – give it back, you degenerate, I swear it’s got magic pulling powers. You better not have stunk it up. Jason, South Wimbledon.

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Your top triple-ace curries and your generous smile live on here in Clapham Common. Bodene.

Dopey Janine: It’s ok, I won’t

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It’s getting hot in here: Phoebe, I don’t know what you’re doing in between getting off the train and arriving in the office, but I’ve never seen someone get as hot and flustered as you by the time you’re at your desk. Happy to put up with a blast of morning air con, but shiver me timbers ... RB Filth pot: For fuck’s sake, you dirty minger, it’s not that hard to empty the bathroom bin. next time you’re on the bog make sure your jam rags go in the bin – not stuck on it. The angries at 17 Chittern Street.

Thanks Charlston: Cheers to you and your flatmates for letting me stay at your place over the past few weeks. I heard some horror stories about dossing before I arrived, but I experienced none of that. In fact, I got better service than at a fancy hotel. I stocked you up with Magners, which hopefully you’ve found by now. It’s the least I could have done. I’ll keep you posted on my travels and hope to see some of you while globetrotting sometime soon. Cheers, Luke.

Tooting: Darren, you might laugh at my lamb-curry-a-day-habit, but what were you doing while I was making a korma out of the waitress last night? Stephen.

Jam, Stacks, Neville and Vanna: Beer breakfast at mine Sunday, April 29, for you and the sub gangs. Tear out a copy of this message for entry. If you fail, prepare for a re-run of the Magaluf initiation. Supersoaker, treacle and talcum are at the ready. It going to be dope.

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

Photos: Getty

Oggy Oggy: Happy birthday to you and your £6000 rump. Can’t wait to show you some more wallaby style. Mmmm ... sabrosa.

Lots of love, Mr Fix. Edinburgh rocks: It took almost a year to get here, but I’m here!!!

Norelle, love ya to bits. And to my new hostel team, well ... what can I say? Bring on summer. Grant.

Little Chef: Thank god you are back in town. I was developing malnutrition. Please don’t ever go home for so long again!

London, and, more importantly, I need you. Little Chef’s Glamorous Assistant.

Barn Owl: Happy birthday Owlie!

Can’t wait to touch beaks and flap feathers round the east. Don’t miss that little tart in Melbourne too much. We can have a good time without her dirty ass in tow.

Snowy Owl. To my teaching agency: Stop calling me!!! How many times do I have to tell you cockmuppets that I’m unavailable this week. Christ! A. Kyle the tart: You ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the filthy London pavement and trampled all over it with your slutty little heels. How can I ever thank you? Without that treatment, I would never have hooked up with Rochelle, your former BFF. Eat a dick. Roman Graham, what a dude: Fuck you’re a legend. Cheers for being such a good houseguest. Our fridges have never been so full, or our toilets so clean. Cheers for the bottles of wine you left. Whenever you’re back in town, you’re always

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