TNT Magazine / Issue 1514 by TNT Magazine

September 3-9 2012 Issue 1514 tntmagazine.com

JUDGE AND EXECUTIONER Kiwi Karl Urban on his role in Dredd 3D

RETURN OF BEATLEMANIA New musical celebrates 50 years of the Fab Four

SENSATIONAL SCOTLAND

WIN!

TWO TICKET S TO THE WAV ES VIENNA FEST IVAL

Take on the Great Glen by bike, canoe and kayak

! Y D A E R S R O T A I D A L G

in Rome s r io r r a w t t like ancien h g fi d n a s d swing swor o t w o h n r a + CYCLE FROM GEORGIA TO ARMENIA Le 48 HOURS IN MOSCOW LATE TRAVEL DEALS

TNT 1514 Cover.indd 1

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER If, given recent performances at the Jubilee and Opening Ceremony, you had started to think Hey Jude was the entirety of the Beatles’ back catalogue, a new musical is set to remind you about the rest of the Fab Four’s classic tracks. Flick to P8 to find out more about the show. Also happening in London (if you hadn’t noticed) are the Paralympics. From wheelchair rugby to blind running, turn to P56 for the lowdown on these incredible sports.

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

LONDONNEWS

MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

12 14-15

@TNT

SPOTTED

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22, 25

COMPETITION

CHATROOM MICHAEL WORKMAN 27 LONDON SCENE

Photos: Getty; TNT

SPARE TIME

28-29 34

LIFESTYLE

35-45

SHOPPING

FEATURES FEELING THE BEAT

HEALTH & BEAUTY

36-37

We profile the new Beatles show, Let It Be, and other musical offerings in London

CAREERS

38-39

JUDGE AND EXECUTIONER 30

LIVING

44-45

NEWS & SPORT

46-58

Kiwi actor Karl Urban on playing Judge Dredd and not getting too ‘Hollywood’

TRAVEL

61-86

DIARY

NEWS

LATE DEALS

HOTSHOTS

TOP FIVE

70-71

TIPS & STUFF

72,75

48 HOURS IN... MOSCOW

80-81

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

89-113 114

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

We examine the cost of the Australian and NZ involvement in Afghanistan

OCH AYE!

Explore Scotland’s wild beauty by mountain bike, sea kayak and canoe

FIGHT CLUB

Swinging swords at gladiator school and discover Rome’s exciting but brutal past

FREE WHEELIN’

TNT cycles from Georgia to Armenia, making lots of new friends on the way

64 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social Media Dan Thorne

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Comedy, music and activism! DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Eddie Clinton Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

Shhh... SECRET LONDON LOVE MUSIC HATE RACISM RICH MIX

The Rock Against Racism movement of the late Seventies in London coincided with the eruption of punk across the city, and the spirit and ethos has lived on in the Love Music Hate Racism organisation celebrating its 10th anniversary this month. To get the party started, Rich Mix is hosting a month of events, including a programme of live music, dance, theatre, visual arts, film and spoken word, with special guests including punk legend Jerry Dammers, leftie comedian Mark Steel (above) and ex-mayor Ken Livingstone. £VARIOUS

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Sept 6-30. Times vary Rich Mix, 35-47 Bethnal Green Road, E1 6LA

00 4

richmix.org.uk

MAYOR’S THAMES FESTIVAL

JIMMY’S SUPPER CLUB

HOSTEL PARTY

The banks of the Thames host this end-of-summer party. From the London Eye to St Katharine Docks and beyond, there’ll be choral performances on HMS Belfast, acrobatic theatre, steel drums, and the four million volts powered Lords Of Lightning show. 800,000 are expected so get down there early.

Get ready for the second instalment of the sports-themed supper club with a 10-night stint for the duration of the Paralympics. There will be an opening ceremony feast, a beer tasting night, a curry and movie evening, as well as Thai, American and closing ceremony events, too, to titillate the palette.

The backpackers’ home-away-fromhome gears up for its second monthly hostel party. It’s the biggest event of its kind in the city, full of likeminded people up for having a laugh, and has a host of drinks and food offers to get you in the mood for a night of hedonism. You’ll never want to go home!

Until September 9 Annex East, E15 2JE Stratford annexeast.co.uk

September 8. 9pm-3am Belushi’s, 161-165 Borough High Street, SE1 1HR London Bridge belushis.com

FREE

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Shoreditch High Street

September 8 & 9 Various locations thamesfestival.org

£32+

FREE

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You still think about it when you go swimming don’t you?

JAWS SCREENING AND PARTY Greenwich Yacht Club

To coincide with the upcoming BD release of Spielberg’s stunning shark-shocker, Jameson’s is throwing an ‘Amity Island’ beach party at Greenwich Yacht club – complete with Seventies fashions, a BBQ, and a couple looking for their dog, of course. It’ll be followed by a screening of the film itself at 8pm. More than thirty-five years old, Spielberg’s careermaker still has the power to shock. FREE

September 5. 7pm SE10 0BW North Greenwich

HACKNEY FILM FESTIVAL The third annual Hackney Film Fest kicks off with a collaborative event between HFF and the Live Cinema Foundation, considering the intersect between film, digital practices and the performing arts. There’s a short movie programme, oodles of talks, and an emerging filmmakers screening line up, too. Photos: Getty

£VARIOUS

September 7-9. Times vary Various venues hackneyfilmfestival.com

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facebook.com/jamesoncultfilmclub

BT LONDON LIVE The fun and Games aren’t over yet. As the Paralympics get into full flow, BT London Live takes to Trafalgar Square for this last week of sporting and cultural partying. There will be medal winners, huge screens showing the action, and a host of bands, too, including The Beat and Reasons To Be Cheerful. FREE

Until Sept 9. 11am-10pm Trafalgar Square, WC2 5DS Piccadilly Circus btlondonlive.com

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LONDONNEWS SQUATTING IS NOW A CRIMINAL OFFENCE

@tntmagazine

Gold for swimmer Jacqueline Freney

Think again about overstaying your welcome at a mate’s house, a new law says you could be jailed for six months. Anyone proved to be a squatter in a residential building could face a £5,000 fine as well as time behind bars. Housing minister Grant Shapps said the new legislation was “slamming the door in the face of squatters”. From September 1, a homeowner can merely complain to the police about squatters in their house and the suspected may be arrested. Previously homeowners have had to prove that squatters are trespassing before they can be evicted.

However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at... Professor Stephen Hawking at the Opening Ceremony of the 2012 Paralympic Games in London

UNI LOSES RIGHT TO TEACH FOREIGNERS London Metropolitan University has been stripped of its licence to teach overseas students. The UK Border Agency’s decision could see 2000 people from outside of the EU deported. After sampling 61 per cent of student files, the UKBA said there were “serious systematic failings”. A spokeman said the university would be challenging the findings.

ON THE TUBE

Paralympians steam ahead

Australia wins nine medals in London on the first day of the Games Competitors from Down Under have been the ones to watch during the first dose of the 2012 Paralympics. The Aussie team got off to a flying start in cycling, swimming and shooting, getting three gold, three silver and three bronze medals in their events. Less than a year ago, cyclist Kieran Modra was bed-ridden in hospital with a broken back after a major crash on his bike. After an amazing recovery, and some hard training, he’s got a gold medal in the 4000m pursuit, along with his riding partner Scott McPhee. Gold medal winner Susan Powell was also one of the nine medal winners on the first day. “I still can’t believe it. I didn’t

dare dream,” the cyclist said. “You think ‘maybe’ but you just don’t dare to really believe that you can.” Powell lost the use of her leg after an innocent tumble during a hockey game. Star swimmer Jacqueline Freney nabbed a gold medal in the 100m backstroke in record time, while the Aquatics Centre went wild. She was in the lead by two body lengths and finished with a time of 1 minute and 22.84 seconds. Freney suffers from cerebral palsy. The London 2012 Paralympic Games has had a higher turn out of Paralympians than any other, and the Opening Ceremony alone was watched by more than a billion viewers. For Our View, see P49

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

SA’s greatest Paralympian

THIS WEEK’S HOTSPOTS Expect Tubes to be busier than usual (although that’s what they said during the Olympics) for the Paralympics. See getaheadofthegames.com for a full list

CENTRAL: Stratford, Mile End, Bethnal Green, Liverpool Street, Bank, St Paul’s Chancery Lane

NORTHERN: King’s Cross, London Bridge DLR: Canary Wharf, Custom House, Prince Regent, West Silvertown,

Photos: Getty

JUBILEE: Southwark, Bermondsey, Canada Water, Canary Wharf, Stratford

We’re pumped to watch South Africa’s Oscar Pistorius, the fastest man with no legs, do his thing this week. He’s expected to clear up at the Paralympics in the track events including the T44 200m, the T44 100m and the T44 400m. In Beijing he won gold in all three events and set a record of 47.49 in the 400m race. “I have big hopes for medals at the Paralympic Games in London,” Pistorius said. “I feel that the [London Paralympic] Games could be the best ever. Oscar will be sprinting on his £2k Flex-Foot Cheetah blades on Wednesday 5 at 7pm, Thursday 6 at 9.15pm and Friday 7 at 9.30pm. See oscarpistorius.com for a complete list of his timings and results during the games.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Let It Be’s McCartney, Harrison, Starr and Lennon

“

Beatlemania again New Fab Four production Let It Be spearheads an autumn of musical celebrations in the capital WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

the one we are performing on at the Prince of Wales, and we go through to their final recorded album, Abbey Road. Although we do educate a little bit along the way about the Sixties and what was going on then, we are not trying to tell a history story.” Instead, Let It Be focuses on the band and their music, driven by a desire to recreate their songs as truthfully as possible. “It is a theatrical concert that is very media rich. There is a lot of video footage that has been created for the show and there is original footage, too,” Hendry explains, adding that above all, the commitment has been to performing the songs live. “The Beatles did not perform a lot of their later stuff, so a lot of the songs we only know from LPs, they were not written to be performed live, they were backed by full orchestras in Abbey Road studios. It has been a challenge to recreate all the instruments that you would expect to hear, and to do that live onstage, with nothing prerecorded at all.” The production was inspired by the

Broadway show Rain. “What struck us most [about it] was the music sounded as it should, it wasn’t dressed up as anything other than the original music,” Hendry recalls. Casting a UK version of the show proved a tough task for Hendry and his team, not least because of the sheer numbers auditioning for the project. “We started casting last November. We ran open auditions in London and Liverpool, and had thousands of people sending in videos of themselves. “We never sought to find lookalikes, though,” he adds of his intent to find the best people for the job. “We wanted talented musicians who knew every nuance of the Beatles’ music.” Set to chime with the triumphant mood in Britain this year, Let It Be’s timing is perfect. With only a fourmonth run you best get in early to join the celebrations. ❚ MORE MUSICAL CELEBRATIONS ›› Let It Be, September 14–January 19 2013. £20+ Prince of Wales Theatre, W1D 6AS Picadilly Circus letitbelondon.com

Photos: Annabel Moeller; Getty

There have been Beatles musicals before, but the forthcoming Let It Be, at the forefront of a rock’n’roll autumn in the capital, has something over its forebears – the Beatles’ songs. “It is the first show in the West End to have full rights to the Beatles’ back catalogue,” producer Jamie Hendry tells us ahead of the production’s launch next week. “Sony believed in the show. There are thousands of shows out there, but this is the one that they have given the rights to.” The ‘Fab Four’ hit London to mark the 50th anniversary of the Beatles’ first single, Love Me Do, but this new show is not one of the jukebox musicals frequently seen on the West End, in which songs are amended to fit a bespoke story. Not by a long shot. “We’ve not shoehorned the music to fit around the book [musical script] – the music is as you would expect to hear it,” Hendry explains of his intent to be as faithful to the Beatles’ musical legacy as possible. “We take you through the Sixties from their first performance in 1963, which took place on the same stage as TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bigger then Jesusâ&#x20AC;?: the Fab Four in their heyday

Photos: Annabel Moeller; Getty

Reuven Gershon as John Lennon

The day McCartney forgot his moustache

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AFRICA EXPRESS KING’S CROSS

THE BODYGUARD WEST END

Damon Albarn – musical chameleon, Gallagher baiter, occasional Blur frontman – dons his experimental hat for this evening’s show. Birthed as a reaction to Live 8’s slebspotted posturing, Africa Express brings together artists from the continent that fascinates Geldof for an evening of jamming and spontaneous musical output. The line–up’s to die for – Amadou and Mariam, Kano, Noisettes, Jack Steadman – and intent on broadening your musical boundaries.

Accusations of ‘cashing in’ on the death of Whitney Houston are unfounded as this screen-to-stage adaptation had been in the works for a long time. Broadway legend Heather Hedley stars as the diva superstar made famous by Houston, who falls in love with her bodyguard. It’s hard to remember that when this movie came out, Kevin Costner was a cool, sexy Hollywood type, and not just a grumpy git!

£20

Sept 8. 5pm Granary Square, N1C 4AA King’s Cross africaexpress.co.uk

£20

AMERICAN IDIOT HAMMERSMITH APOLLO The San Fran punks who became multi-million rock gods bring their American Idiot album-as-a-musical to the UK for a nationwide tour and short London run at the Apollo. The duo have an ambitious three-piece record coming out this month, November and January, but it is back to their 2004 chart-topper for this tale of punk singalongs and socio-political observations. Rock on! £22.50

Dec 4-16. 7pm W6 9QH Hammersmith

hammersmithapopllo.net

KISS ME KATE LAMBETH

JOHN PEEL DAY VARIOUS

This Tony Awardwinning Broadway classic comes to town with its post modern play-withina-play tale that pits warring gangsters and beleaguered actors amidst the troubled production of Taming Of The Shrew.

After a run in Hackney, this Tina Turner musical (left), chronicling her life and shaky times with Ike Turner, made its move to the West End. Chock-full of the belter’s hits, it’s a rock’n’ roll musical spectacle.

The legendary DJ (right) died on October 25, 2004, yet his spirit and influence have lived on in the hearts of music fans everywhere. The man famous for his diverse tastes and laconic presenting style (as well as occasionally playing records at the wrong speed) is remembered annually with a host of gigs, shows and events across the nation. Details are still being finalised for this year, but the Buffalo Bar in Islington is holding its own John Peel Night on the Oct 25, and Symptomatic Presents: John Peel Night is kicking off the following evening at the Nambucca in Holloway. The station where he made his home, Radio One, honours him too with old Peel Sessions, famous fans, and a good old musical love in.

Until Sept 29. Times vary Savoy Theatre, WC2R 0ET Temple savoytheatre.org

Oct 25 and various dates. Various twitter #keepingitpeel

£11+

CABARET WEST END The unsettling musical from Rufus Norris, based on Kander and Ebb’s classic, itself based on the novel by Christopher Isherwood, stars Will Young as the impressionable emcee at a cabaret club in Berlin at the end of Weimar German Republic. The tale of sex, love and the rise of fascism makes for a thrillingly perverse melting pot, and is sure to see Young shake off his boy band days. £35+

Oct 3-Jan 19. Times vary Savoy Theatre, WC2R 0ET Charing Cross ambassadortickets.com

Nov 20-Mar 2. Times vary Old Vic, The Cut, SE1 8NB Waterloo oldvictheatre.com

SOUL SISTER WEST END £32

Nov 6-Apr 27. Times vary Adelphi Theatre, The Strand, WC2NE 7NA Piccadilly Circus adelphitheatrelondon.com

VARIOUS

SPAMALOT WEST END From Broadway to London and, now, in this new review show guise. The music’s toned down, and the laughs are turned up for this musical that is “lovingly ripped off” from the Monty Python movie of a similar name. Musical fans have loved it, and Python fans are in for a treat with this new gag-fest version of the show that is totally, and splendidly silly. £15+

Nov 14-April 13. 7.30pm Playhouse Theatre, WC2N 5DE Embankment ambassadortickets.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRANSCENDER FESTIVAL BARBICAN

REMEMBERING JOE – 10 YEARS ON OXFORD CIRCUS

This festival takes things left of centre with a line-up that looks to honour music that is ‘ecstatic, devotional and psychedelic’ and global in origin. You won’t find the latest pop hits here; what you will come across, though, are dazzling artists and performers from around the world. Think acts such as Djivan Gasparyan and Hossein Alizadech, who fuse Parisian and Armenian music, and The Sun Ra Arkestra, a 20-piece cosmic jazz orchestra. Exactly.

Joe Strummer (below) was a man of legend, a walking punk icon, activist, superstar and a purveyor of campfires, as Michael Eavis used to proudly say. It’s been 10 years since Strummer passed on, and these twin shows remember the man with Clash and Sex Pistols tribute bands; former Pistol Glen Matlock and The Philistines; and a host of friends and fellow trailblazers.

£12+

Sept 17-30. Times vary EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

£20

MICHAEL JACKSON: IMMORTAL WORLD TOUR GREENWICH The self-styled king of pop, who left this realm of reality in 2009, is the focus of a tribute show that looks to celebrate the man, his music, and, particularly, the creative powers that fuelled his work. With dance, visuals, music and fantasy, this comes along like a live-action Moonwalker, immersing the audience in Jacko’s world, particularly his Giving Tree, the ‘wellspring of his creativity’. £40

Oct 12-21. 6.30pm The O2, SE10 0DX

North Greenwich

APHEX TWIN: REMOTE ORCHESTRA BARBICAN

Dec 22 & 23. 6pm 100 Club, W1D 1LL Tottenham Court Road the100club.co.uk

theo2.com

GHOST WEST END The timeless – and highly mocked, due to its pottery lovemaking – story has been wowing audiences all year, but it only has two more months to run. So get down, and check out Swayze’s legacy in this movie adaptation £30+

Pop-muppet James Bourne, one third of former pop rockers Busted (the one that’s not Charlie Simpson or the one that ate ‘bush tucker’ on I’m A Celebrity ...) brings his teen-rock musical to the West End. Based on a nerdy teen in Sixties America, and featuring songs from Bourne’s post-Busted band Son Of Dork, it’s been touted as a Grease for the Noughties. Check out if it lives up to this lofty praise.

The man also known as Richard Jones (left) is best known for scaring the crap out of people with his creepy video for Come To Daddy – bearded school girls terrorising folks, a granny getting screamed at in the face by a TV-birthed mutant beast. He is a true innovator and boundary pusher and shows this with his latest endeavour, Remote Orchestra, for which he has roped in the Heritage Orchestra and Choir. First devised for last year’s European Culture Congress in Poland, this is the UK debut of the performance, in which he conducts a 28-piece string section and 12-person choir by remote control. Weird and ingenious!

Oct 1-Mar 2. Times vary Garrick Theatre, WC2H 0HH Leicester Square loservillethemusical.com

Oct 10. 8pm The Barbican Centre, Barbican Hall, EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

£15+

LOSERVILLE WEST END

Photos: Getty; Matt Humphrey; Frank Micelotta;

£10+

Until Oct 6. 7.30pm Piccadilly Theatre, W1D 7DY Piccadilly Circus piccadillytheatre.org

BANDSTAND MARATHON VARIOUS As the London 2012 Fest closes, bandstands across the city – Battersea, Clapham, Regent’s Park and more – will hum with music, from traditional to folk to funk and beyond. VARIOUS

September 21. From 1pm Various bandstandmarathon.org.uk

PEACE ONE DAY: WITH ELTON JOHN WEMBLEY September 21 is International Peace Day and not-for profit organisation Peace One Day founder Jeremy Gilley, with actor pal Jude Law, have been running these events since 2007. This concert, headlined by Elton John, alongside singer-songwriter James Morrison and 2cellos, is the final act in the London 2012 Festival. See out the celebrations with a bang. £30+

Sept 21. 7.30pm Wembley Arena, HA9 0PA Wembley Park wembley.co.uk

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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MYLONDON Two Weekends of the Best New Films from Down Under...

filmfestaustralia.org.uk By phone Clapham 0871 902 5727 Hackney 0871 902 5734

LINDSAY O’MAHONY SINGER – HONEY RYDER

Not Suitable for Children

Book online picturehouses.co.uk

In association with

Supported by

Festival partners

AustralianTimes For, by and about Aussies in the UK

.co.uk

What baffles me about London is The Thames Barrier and how it works. London’s best-kept secret is the City of London at the weekend. People usually head for the West End, but there are so many interesting things to see and do, plus great restaurants and pubs without the crowds of the City. When I want to chill out I take a walk along the river – water seems to have a very calming effect. There are a few pubs along Strand-on-the-Green that are great to sit outside with a book and a pint. The most interesting person I’ve met is Paul Worley, the producer of Dixie Chicks and Lady Antebellum, who I bumped into in a pub in Knightsbridge. He had loads of great anecdotes from his years in the music industry and had a lot of valuable advice for us. My favourite place for a drink depends on what type of evening I want, but my locals, The Havelock and The Parrs Head in Brook Green, are in the top 10. For when you’re hungover in London, a fry-up from a traditional cafe is the way forward. Some might say a hair of the dog pint is more healing. What gets me up in the morning? I’m totally in love with my bed, so it has to be something quite important to move me from there ... but these days it’s my 15-month-old baby boy chatting to himself. That does the trick. My perfect weekend would be shopping in Covent Garden in the morning, an afternoon pub crawl along the river in Hammersmith ending up with dinner and drinks in Richmond. Sunday would involve a huge breakfast and a walk in Hyde Park nursing my hangover. The biggest faux pas I’ve made was running for a train at Baker Street Tube, when I fell arse over tit, face-planting on to the platform in front of a train full of people. Everyone cheered. Highly embarrassing. Five words that sum up London ... Hectic, cosmopolitan, exasperating, exciting, historic. honeyrdyer.com / New album Marley’s Chain is released Sept 3 via through EMI/Oceanic 12

Bowled Over The sun’s come out and we figured it’s time for a barbie, some tunes and a roll on the lawn

lawn bowls tournament Grab a bunch of mates and head down for an afternoon of barefoot bowls

bodeans BBQ

For the rib-licious experience, we smoke it low cook it slow

dj live entertainment All day entertainment till late

Our first ever Barefoor Bowls event Tickets

£5

Book N

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When: Sunday Sept 9 - From Midday Southwark Sports Bowls Club, SE21 7EU

tntmagazine.com/BowledOver

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C E N T RAL SAIN T M A RTIN S C O L L EG E OF ARTS & D E SIGN

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P LU S T H E S E C O U R S E S : 13 – 15 YEAR OLDS / 16 - 18 YEAR OLDS / FULL-TIME PORTFOLIO PREPARATION / DUAL CITY SUMMER: MILAN, BARCELONA, PARIS, NEW YORK / ONLINE SHORT COURSES / SEMESTER STUDY ABROAD PROGRAMME / PROFESSIONAL TRAINING SHORT COURSE WEB LISTINGS AND SECURE ONLINE BOOKINGS

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THE GIPSY MOTH

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Don’t go on an empty stomach

PUB THE SCENE For years, The Gipsy Moth, in the shadow of the Cutty Sark, managed to remain something of an open secret: a great pub, with a lovely, dishevelled beer garden that managed somehow to avoid attracting a confluence of rainmacked tourists. A lick of paint and some new, (sadly) co-ordinated garden furniture seems to have reversed that trend. The pub’s small front leads on to a dark, austere bar, before opening out into a spacious, skylit dining room, replete with bare wood tables, and monastry and buttonback benches. The beer garden is ingeniously laid out, allowing most tables to achieve a feeling of seclusion without detracting from the atmosphere. The touristy feel the pub has from opening wanes in the evening. THE GRUB A sturdy menu of pub regulars that one might diplomatically deem, ‘economically readjusted to reflect the sterling geographic orientation’. Expect average and don’t be too disappointed when it’s just short of that. BEHIND THE BAR The usual continental lagers are joined by a formidable range of cask and speciality ales, made all the more comprehensive by an extended bottled-beer offering. The wine list is full, varied and unafraid to be affordable. BILL PLEASE Pints from £3.80; bottles from £3.50; wine from £15 a bottle; cocktails from £4.95. Starter from £5; mains from £9.76. VERDICT The quality of the food is galling given how good this pub is otherwise. OJ

Greenwich, SE10 9BL

thegipsymothgreenwich.co.uk

3 OF THE BEST MUSIC SESSIONS

Cutty Sark

Greenwich

THE NIGHTINGALE

BRITISH OAK

GOLDEN FLEECE

Turn up at this Wanstead pub with your instrument and play Irish music alongside beardy men and eccentric women on fiddles, tin whistles and bodrens. From 8.30pm every Wednesday. TEL 0208 530 4540

On Tuesdays, this Blackheath London boozer hosts lively open folk sessions for those brave enough to get involved. The action kicks off at 8pm, don’t forget your singing voice. TEL 020 8858 1082

The lively jam at this Forest Gate pub often has more than 15 guitarists strumming to rock classics, including everything from The Who to Oasis. From 8pm every Thursday. TEL 0208 478 0024

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BITE SIZE

No frills: street food at Pho

HAVING A RUM TIME Discover there’s more to rum than mojitos at A Real Rum Do, which promises to be an intoxicating affair. Enjoy Pina Colada over dominoes, take part in mixology lessons and enjoy the sounds of a live steel band at the event being held at the Museum of London Docklands. From palm-lined shores to East End shop floors, discover how rum shaped London’s cultural landscape. Taking place from 7pm-9.30pm, on September 26, tickets are £6. museumoflondon.org.uk

SLICE OF COOL Mix pizza with cocktails at a trendy new Soho venue opening its doors this week. B-SOHO is split over two levels on buzzing Poland Street, boasting live music from Tuesday to Saturday. Guests will find up to 30 signature cocktails served on the first floor, along with pizzas, cooked in a traditional oven for just 90 seconds at 900C. Downstairs is all about large communal tables – perfect for parties – and will host a karaoke night once a week. The venue opens September 6. b-soho.co.uk

AWARD-WINNING BEER The Gun in Docklands (above) has been awarded the Best County Dining Pub Of The Year by The Good Pub Guide 2013. The venue secured the accolade after reader reviews and an anonymous inspection. The gastropub serves top-notch British Food, as well as a like-your-mum-used-to-cook Sunday Roast. If you haven’t checked out this gem, head there now to make the most of the riverside views.

PHO VIETNAMESE THE SCENE Branches of this independent Vietnamese street food chain are popping up all over the place – with the latest in Spitalfields, just a hop away from the buzzing bars of Brick Lane and Shoreditch. Set in an old rickety three-storey building, the latest addition is styled on the old houses of Hanoi, with dark wooden tables and cosy lantern lighting. It’s bustling on the Friday night I visit. The huge windows of the downstairs area hug one end of the room – giving diners an almost-alfresco option – the busy kitchen is at the other. While upstairs is a cosy seating area as well as a takeaway counter, which is open seven days a week. THE GRUB With its ethos firmly set by its street food origins, expect dishes to be fresh and fairly healthy. My friends and I opt for a bunch of starters to share: Goi Cuon (veggie spring rolls); Nem Nuong (pork and lemongrass meatballs); and Rau Muong Xao Lai (stir fried morning glory). It’s all flavoursome and finished in minutes. Next, we decide to test Pho’s specialty – Vietnam’s national dish which is what the restaurant is named after. Three large bowls of glass noodle soup arrive, brimming with ingredients – choose from tofu and mushroom for veggies, sliced steak, brisket, meatballs, chicken or prawns. They’re served with a side of herbs, chillies and beansprouts which you can add according to your own taste. Despite the mammoth meal, we decide to share two desserts – Chuoi Chien (banana fritter with ice cream) and Pandan Pancake (bright green pancake served with roasted coconut and ice cream) are delicious. The staff are friendly, helpful and smiley.

Choose from fresh juices and herbal teas as well as Vietnamese beers (Halida, Hue, Saigon, Beer Lao) and rice wines. Oh, and they also serve weasel coffee (made from beans eaten and digested by weasels). BILL PLEASE Starters from £2.30; mains from £5.45; desserts from £2.25; wine from £3.10/ £14.90; beers from £3.60; weasel coffee £5.95. VERDICT Fast food that’s fresh and healthy and won’t leave you hungry. CAROL DRIVER BEHIND THE BAR

thegundocklands.com 48 Brushfield Street, E1 6AG

phocafe.co.uk

Liverpool Street

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‘Wenger sure Arsenal will share goals around’. So it’ll be like UNICEF tossing Africa a loaf of bread

Eddie Faithless’s Maxi Jazz is crap at Farmville. He can’t get no sheep

Lisa Just Saw two blokes fighting each other over the same piece of bread. I Said: “Alright, alright! Break it up...”

Grindley So, Rita Oras fans call themseLves Ritabots? I’d call them Ritards

Amber Sprinter Usain Bolt is going to be ‘the boy who cried wolf’ if he ever has to point out low-flying aerial danger

Shabba I can’t wait for next year’s summer ... I hear it’s on a thursday

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I’m enjoying every moment of the Paralympics. The Opening Ceremony was a bit short, but I guess it’s more about the sport than just a big party. London really seems to be in the spirit of things. I was at Trafalgar Square and everyone was cheering and happy watching the big screen. What an occasion and let’s hope it helps open people’s eyes to the abilities of those deemed to have ‘dis’ abilities. Marcus, via email

SPACED OUT It was sad to hear the first man on the moon Neil Armstrong died (tntmagazine.com). Let’s hope Nasa’s latest experiment, the Curiosity Rover currently exploring Mars, is not being filmed in a Hollywood basement. Gretchen, via email

Loving the magazine, TNT. You provide me with so much advice that makes my time in London so much more interesting. Keep up the good work! Andrea, via email

WC NO KILLER Re: Oli Jones’s column (The Massacre Of The Miners Ignored, TNT 1513): Churchill shooting unarmed miners is a myth beloved of class warriors with bigotry instead of historical knowledge. As home secretary in 1911, Churchill deployed troops as a precaution against

possible violence. They did not shoot anybody and most of the press criticised him for his restraint. Back in the 1970s, miners’ strikes in South Africa involved the police shooting striking miners. The British Left had no hesitation about which side it was on then. Now, with their ANC darlings running South Africa, they’re divided. I suppose we all excuse that in our friends which we would condemn in our enemies. Mark Taha, via email

HARRY’S TAME Re: the naked Prince Harry photos: who cares? Really, it’s the person who took the photo and sold them who should be punished. Goodness know what the older royals got up to in the days before social media … anyone remember the stories of Henry VIII? Jackqueline H, via Facebook

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ARE YOU A FUN, BUBBLY, SOCIABLE PERSON WANTING TO EARN EXTRA MONEY? We require professional, motivated men and women of all ages, who enjoy socialising and meeting new people. We are looking for friendly, bubbly, open minded individuals who pride themselves on being adaptable and getting along with others. Although hours are normally during evenings and weekends, they can be made flexible to fit around an existing work schedule or adapted to those wanting to work part time. So whether you work full time and are wanting to get out and meet new people or simply hoping to take a new career direction, this could be the perfect opportunity for you.

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Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on Down Under?

ut Be a smartypants Âť get checked o Free, friendly sexual health clinics, open to everyone. Just make an appointment for a sexual health checkup, emergency contraception and free condoms and lube.

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Email us at marketing@ tntmagazine.com with ‘Spotted’ in the subject line, email must include a photo of yourself! You’ve won a 13-week UK subscription to TNT Magazine!

SPOTTED AT BELUSHI’S HOSTEL PARTY Belushi’s, London Bridge Saturday, August 11, 2012 Photos by: Brandt Hurley / TNT For more Spotted like us on facebook/tntmagazine

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Back in black: The xx return

festival

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FESTIVAL NO 6

THE XX O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT SEPT 10-11 | DOORS AT 7PM | £35

This gig in Portmeirion, Wales, brings decadence and luxury to the usual festival mudbath. You can stay in a four-poster-bed suite in the town, or bed down in a stylish yurt (campsites are also available for those keen to keep it real). The town itself is the setting for the diverse cultural offerings, with cinema, literature and talks, and comedy complimenting the music (Spiritualized, Primal Scream and New Order are the headliners). Set in beautiful natural surroundings, there are even woodland trails for you to explore, too! Portmeirion, Wales, LL48 6ER. Sept 14-16. £99+ Bangor festivalnumber6.com

Difficult-second-album syndrome: it’s a plight that has afflicted many bands who have struggled to live up to the heights achieved by their debut. And then there’s the curse of the Mercury Prize, another anguish that has struck down many past winners – Roni Size, Klaxons – who have picked up the gong and disappeared into the ether shortly after. The xx have both challenges to overcome now, but if the lead singles from their hotly anticipated sophomore album, Coexist, are anything to go by, it’s not a worry that’s troubling them. The London-bred trio and their atmospheric, electro-indie sounds shot to fame with their 2009 debut xx, collecting plaudits like they were going out of fashion en route to swiping the 2010 Mercury Prize (beating competition from the likes of Mumford And Sons and Dizzee Rascal). Tracks such as VCR, Crystalised and Islands became instant classics, and they soared to popularity with a sound – sultry, low fi and truly haunting – that was entirely The xx’s own. In the fallout, after touring relentlessly and playing festival shows across the world, Jamie xx (aka Smith) embraced production duties elsewhere for a while and they all got some much-deserved downtime before the band broke cover to reveal how club music was shaping their follow-up. If you were fearing a dubstep-riddled offering, fear not, as lead singles Angels and Chained pick up where their debut left off – they’re minimal, sparse and masterfully textured songs coated with Romy Madley Croft’s trademark whispered vocals. Don’t miss! Shepherd’s Bush

o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

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LADY GAGA + THE DARKNESS

NEW BAND

GIG SEPT 8 & 9. 7PM £70

The screaming rockers from Lowestoft are back, and were handpicked by the high priestess of pop herself for this stadium show. Expect the Darkness to run through their Thing Called Lovestyled hits, before Gaga comes on to show why she is pop’s biggest star on the planet, with one or two eye-catching costume changes, too.

Photos: Getty

Twickenham Stadium Twickenham Whitton Road, TW2 7BA rfu.com/twickenhamstadium

SHAKE

ANIMATED

CLUB

SAT, SEPT 8. 10PM-3AM £10+

THURS, SEPT 6. 9PM-2.30AM £5+

Camden’s ballroom of debauchery hosts this weekly night of dance-pop and indie-electro club anthems. The night is soundtracked by everything from the Seventies to the Teens, the hottest hits to the best trackst, all amidst Rickky Rick’s all-firing havit party tunes. The focus is on fun, and lots of it.

Tripswitch and This Is Underground present this night of drum’n’bass that honours the stars who have made the genre what it is, as well as saluting the up-and-comers making waves right now. Feast on DJs Ruffstuff, Pleasure & Origin, Annix, Profile and D Side joined by MCs IC3, Stormin, Razda and Brink.

Electric Ballroom 184 Camden High Street, NW1 8QP Camden Town electricballroom.co.uk

East Village 89 Great Eastern Street, EC2A 3HX Old Street eastvillageclub.co.uk

MELIC

X PROJECT

KERRANG PRESENTS: SKUNK ANANSIE

GIG

CLUB

GIG

FRI, SEPT 7. 6PM £8+

FRI, SEPT 7. 10.30PM-7AM £15+

WED, SEPT 5. 8PM £25

London-based Kiwi four piece bring their funk-soul-rock-metal tuneage to east London as support to indie poppers Sensible Sam and Japan. With a new EP, Nowhere I’d Rather Be, out earlier this year, the band have continued to build on their steady fanbase, and they’re an absolute riot live. Support!

Promoters Troupe, Pack London, Four4 bring their talents together to celebrate the diverse electronic music of the world’s three clubland capitals – Berlin, Ibiza and London – and explore its ‘space, bass, time and rhythms’. Flashmob & Raffa FL will be looking after room one with Pack London curating the line-up next door.

Nineties Brit rockers who reformed three years ago are about to unleash their new, fifth studio album, Black Traffic, and have this intimate club show to celebrate. They’re sure to belt through back catalogue crackers like I Can Dream, Charity and Hedonism, as well as showcasing the stonking new material, too.

Cargo 83 Rivington Street, Shoreditch, EC2A 3AY Old Street cargo-london.com

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

Village Underground 54 Holywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ Liverpool Street villageunderground.co.uk

KIDS ON BRIDGES THE BUZZ SO FAR Scuzzy electro rockers, with skyscraping pop hooks, Kids On Bridges – the brainchild of Mancunian Christian Bragg – come on like Nine Inch Nails and Depeche Mode gatecrashing the Monsters Of Rock festival intent on not being outdone by anyone. Taking Nirvana’s Come As You Are bassline as the basis for their latest track, This Rock, a driving, electro-pounding rocker, they’ve already caught the attention in the US and snagged airplay aplenty. Throwing myriad influences, styles and attitudes together shouldn’t work, but it does; it works very, very well indeed! THE CRITICS SAY ‘Melodically brilliant’ - Tom Robinson/ BBC 6 Music THE PLUG This Rock is out Sept 10 via via Rise International Music

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CLUBLISTINGS

MONDAY 3 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor and guests provide disco, dance, funky house, R‘n’B and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £2, NHS staff free. Industry Night Pop, dance and house courtesy of resident DJs. Inigo, Wandsworth Rd, SW8 3JW (020 7622 4884). 9pm-late. £12. It’s Britney Bitch! DJ Tuomo Fox and special guests spin pop, R‘n’B and chart hits under the watchful eye of MC Patrick Lilley. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5. Popcorn Resident DJs provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 9.30pm. Salsa Cellar Resident DJs provide a mix of Latin funk, salsa and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). 9pm-late. £7, concs £4.

TUESDAY 4 The Elite Leagues DJ Sugai spins hip-hop and R‘n’B tracks, with live beat and freestyle challenge throughout the night. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 7pm-late. Free. Havana Club Resident DJs supply Cuban beats. Club Colosseum, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5NQ (020 7720 3609). 7.30pm-1pm. £4, mems £3, classes and club £8, NUS £6. Paradox Tuesdays Resident DJs spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-6am. mems £10, adv £8. Pongathon DJ Alex Gromadzski spins classic soundtracks, disco, funk, soul and electro, plus ping pong. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). 5pm-11pm. Free Riding High DJ Abi Clarke spins hits from the 1980s and 1990s, alongside boogie, soul, rock and dub tracks as part of a monthly guest spot at Vibe. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479). 7.30pm-11.30pm. Free. Smash Lab A live art scratch night with artist-led feedback, audience debate and DJs. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 7.30pm-midnight. £5. Tuesday Dance, pop, indie and R‘n’B from DJs Elle Tiyo and DJ Marco. The Roadhouse, The Piazza, Covent Garden Market, WC2E 8HB (020 7379 6132). 5.30pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm.

SUPERNOVA 4TH BIRTHDAY Egg, Sat, Sept 22. £10+ The house and techno mecca celebrates its fourth birthday, with Joel Mull, Dani Casarano, Paola Poletto and Pirupa joining the festivities N7 9AP

King’s Cross

egglondon.net

WEDNESDAY 5 Absolutely Lucky Resident DJ Bengee plays R‘n’B, hip-hop, house and pop. Storm, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7LE (020 7839 2633). 10.30pm-2am. guestlist free.

Caliente Explosion DJ Karlo Scarpelli spins R‘n’B and soul tracks, with performances from Latin dancers. The Green Carnation, Greek St, W1D 4DD (020 8123 4267). Phone for times. £5, adv £3, free before 9pm.

Guided Missile Presents Resident DJs spin pop and indie, plus live performances from Stars In Battledress, Prescott and Raf And O. Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191). 8pm-4am. £6.

Gravity Alan K and Fat Tony spin electro, house and disco, with Mauricio and Danny Boyce. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 2am-8am. £10, concs £5.

Hot Rocks Resident DJs spin rock ‘n’ roll, R‘n’B, punk-rock and ska. Surya, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JL (020 7713 6262). 10.30pm-2am. Free.

Nonclassical Presents Resident DJs spin John Cage-inspired electro and classical tracks, with performances from Leon Michener, Kerry Yong and Lore Lixenberg. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 7pm-late. £5.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2. Stripped Back Soul In-house DJs play Motown and soul. The Blues Kitchen, Camden High St, NW1 7JN (020 7387 5277). 7pm-midnight. Free. Traffic Light Party DJs and guests supply dance beats and party tunes. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 9pm-late. Phone for Prices. XXL Wednesdays DJs Christian M and Alex Logan play funky house, while Joe Egg spins retro. Pulse, Invicta Plaza, SE1 9UF (020 7403 9643). 9pm-3am. £3, mems free, annual m’ship £10.

THURSDAY 6 Animated Drum ‘n’ bass and jungle from of Ruffstuff, Pleasure, Origin, Annix, Profile and D Side, plus MCs IC3, Stormin and Brink. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-2.30am. £5 before midnight. Bad Sex Mayton DJs and Fin Munro spin electro and indie, plus a set from Florida Room. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £7, £5 before 10pm, guestlist NUS £5 before 10pm, NUS free before 10pm.

Thirsty Thursday DJ Aiden spins funky house and disco. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977). 5pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm. Tweetbox Mr TPFD supplies party anthems, dance beats and electronica, with playlists suggested by clubbers via twitter. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 8pm-2am. Free.

FRIDAY 7 Apogee Presents Simon Baker, Le Loup, Cera Alba, The Pushamann, Cameron Smith, Kag, George A G and James Winter spin the decks in a night of house and techno. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £10-£15. Eurofest DJs Don Grant and Dave Simmons spin classic Euro-pop, plus a live performance from pop vocalist Tina Cousins. Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Kennington Ln, SE11 5HY (020 7820 1222). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before 11pm. Gallery DJs Ferry Corsten, Shogun and resident DJ Lee Osborne spin dance and trance from the box with electro and house courtesy of Gavyn Mytchel, Steve Lee, Jay Deep and Jim & Dale Chambers. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-7am. £16.

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Ghetto Heaven DJs Honey Dijon, Stuart Patterson, Dave Jarvis, Femi Fem, Mr Shiver and Mastomic spin house, disco, funk, Afrobeat, reggae and hip-hop. Supperclub, Acklam Rd, W10 5QZ (020 8964 6600). 8pm-2.30am. £10, adv £7.

Magnetix: The 5th Birthday! Euphoric trance and psychedelic tracks courtesy of DJs Jake Nicholls, Libra9, Dean Zone, Distant Touch, Andy Forse and Adenassi. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 11pm7am. £10, free before midnight.

Idiosynphonic’s 2nd Birthday DJs Cyantific, Wilkinson, Brookes Brothers, Nu:Tone, Drumsound And Bassline Smith, CA:RO, Tomek N, Loot, Harikiri, Essbeedee and TRI:BAL spin drum ‘n’ bass, jungle and dubstep. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. £10, adv £7.

Mellophonik Portuguese DJ Carlos Manaca spins tribal house music. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Lost Present Spacebase DJs Andrew Weatherall and Steve Bicknell spin house, disco and techno. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 10pm-4am. Adv £8. Love2 Arnaud Le Texier, Monika Ross, Gabbi Lopez and Luke Black spin electro and techno. Relay, Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. £10, adv £8. Nauti: Cool By Nature Normski and Hamish Pritchard spin hiphop, house, garage and drum ‘n’ bass from the 1990s. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 8pm-2am. £5 after 9pm. Project X House, garage and bass music courtesy of Flashmob and Raffa FL. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-7am. £20, £15 before midnight, adv £13 & £15. Southern Kaos DJ duo Leroy Tayler and Simon H spin house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. Stroboscopic Artefacts Showcase Techno and electronica from Lucy, Xhin, Gareth Wild and Michael Wells. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 10pm-6am. Adv £8-£15.

SATURDAY 8 BBM Me Presents DJ and percussion duo Klaus and Ameet ‘El Bongo’ Jugnauth combine electro beats and house tracks. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-2am. £10, guestlist £7 before 10pm, concs £5, free before 9pm. Bounce Back 1St Birthday DJs Tuccillo, CJ Mackintosh, John Jones, Elijah Collins and Jambo spin house and disco. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm3.30am. £12, guestlist £10, adv £7. Dancekore Birthday Celebrations & Jungle Love Launch Party DJs Slipmatt, Remarc, Billy Daniel Bunter, Uncle Dugs and Dougal spin rave, electro and dance tracks for DanceKORE’s 5th birthday. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537). 10pm-6am. Adv £10 & £15. Funk Punk Resident DJs spin funk, soul, pop, hip-hop and retro hits. Electric Social, Acre Ln, SW2 5SP (020 3588 1111). 9pm-3am. Free before 10pm.

Pretty Ugly DJs Matt Fear, Kreature, Robert Charles, Ollie Gibson, Rem Kingston, Little Jonny, Benjamin Pigg, Matt Hall and Andy Pearce spin house, nu-disco and techno. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 10pm-6am. Adv £8 & £10. This Feeling DJs Steve Harris, Vinyl Solution and Tara Griffin spin rock ‘n’ roll with live performances from Gem and the Deadheads, The Imagineers, New St Adventure and The Razz. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. £8, £6 before 9pm, adv £5. Urban Desi Resident DJs spin R‘n’B, bashment, funk and garage in the Urban room, and Bhangra, Bollywood and pop in the Desi room. Raduno, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7490 5790). 10.30pm5am. £10, guestlist £8, NUS £7.

SUNDAY 9 Beyond 3am DJs Steve Pitron, Sharp Boys, Rob Sykes, Paul Heron, Fat Tony, HiFi Sean, Paul Christian, Jamie Head, The Oli, Jonny M and special guests spin house, electro and techno across three rooms. Area, Albert Embankment, SE1 7HD (020 7091 0080). 3am-noon. £10. Free Your Soul Resident DJs spin old skool, disco, soul, house and Latin. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-2.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm. Jamais Vu Resident DJs spin drum ‘n’ bass, dubstep and hiphop. Horse And Groom, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3NZ (020 7503 9421). 8pm-2am. £5, free before 9pm. S.L.A.G.S / CHILL-OUT Sundays Simon Le Vans, Andy Almighty and Sean Sirrs provide a mix of disco, electro and house, plus a live performance from The D E Experience. Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Kennington Ln, SE11 5HY (020 7820 1222). 2pmmidnight. £8, £5 before 7.30pm. Sunday Dance and party classics courtesy of James Crompton. The Roadhouse, The Piazza, Covent Garden Market, WC2E 8HB (020 7379 6132). 6.30pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm. The Sunday Social Resident DJs play a mix of indie, pop, house and electro. The Old Queen’s Head, Essex Rd, N1 8LN (020 7354 9993). 3pm-midnight. Free. Swing Patrol Resident DJs play swing and R‘n’B. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 7pm-11pm. £9.

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Bowled Over The sun’s come out and we figured it’s time for a barbie, some tunes and a roll on the lawn

lawn bowls tournament Grab a bunch of mates and head down for an afternoon of barefoot bowls

bodeans BBQ

For the rib-licious experience, we smoke it low cook it slow

dj live entertainment All day entertainment till late

Our first ever Barefoor Bowls event Tickets

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When: Sunday Sept 9 - From Midday Southwark Sports Bowls Club, SE21 7EU

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MONDAY 3 Amusement Parks On Fire, Nightmare Air Experimental rock with shoegaze and art rock elements by the Nottinghambased five-piece. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). Adv £6.

Turin Brakes, Goldheart Assembly, The Tenfivesixty The London-located duo of Olly Knights and Gale Paridjanian plays its acoustica-tinted modern folk hits with the backing band featuring drummer Rob Allum and bassist Eddie Myer. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £12.

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The Burning Crows, Dead Pin Ups, Gypsy Pistoleros Contemporary hard rock by the Norwich-based band. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £6. Hannah Cohen The young, New York-based singersongwriter performs melodic indie-pop. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £10. iTunes Festival 2012: Olly Murs, The Milk The pop singer and 2009 X Factor finalist from Essex performs songs from his album In Case You Didn’t Know. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. London 2012 Cultural Olympiad: Red Baraat The energetic New York-based dhol and brass band, led by the dhol drummer Sunny Jain, make their UK debut, performing tracks from the albums Chaal Baby and the American release Bootleg Bhangra. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (0845 267 2012). £12, adv £10. Abi Phillips, Charlee Drew, Krystal Roxx, Venice, Wolfe The singer-songwriter and Hollyoaks actress performs soulful pop ballads. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (020 7957 8261). £10. Poor Moon, Love Park Indie-rock outfit from Seattle. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £8.50. The Talisman Collection, A Sky Jet Black, O-Arc Pop-rock by the four-piece, Salzburg-based band with members from Australia and Austria. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, concs £4.50. Woods The New York-based band performs alt folk, campfire indie-folk and lo-fi rock in support of its album Sun And Shade. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10.

TUESDAY 4 The Deadstring Brothers, Howling Owl, Madcap Stranger The Detroit-based combo performs its blend of countryblues, rock and Americana. Rattlesnake Of Angel, Upper St, N1 0NY (0207 6134855). £10, adv £8. Euros Childs, The Wellgreen Folk-pop and rock by the former member of Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £9. Grandaddy American indie-rock band fronted by singer and musician Jason Lytle. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

Two Door Cinema Club The Bangor and Donaghadee-based threepiece plays a melodic and upbeat blend of indie, rock, electronica and pop in support of the album Beacon. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/cc 0844 477 2000). £14.

FRIDAY 7

RADIOHEAD The O2. Oct 8-9. £47.50+ The alternative-rock innovators bring their increasingly weighty back catalogue to town. Just don’t expect them to play Creep. SE10 0DX

North Greenwich

Melanie Harrold Folk and country by the London-based singer and voice therapist. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £10. iTunes Festival 2012: Plan B, Delilah Contemporary soul and hip-hop from London-based rapper and singer Ben Drew. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. Last Dinosaurs, Tropics, Buffalo Ink Powerpop and indierock by the band from Brisbane, Australia. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). Adv £6. Rudimental Dance music, hip-hop and grime by the chart-topping four-piece outfit from London. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £8.50.

WEDNESDAY 5 Deer Tick The Rhode Islandbased five-piece plays countryrock. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £13. John Foxx And The Maths, Tera Busch, I Speak Machine, Wrangler The original lead singer of the synthpop group Ultravox and his band performs electro-pop and new wave from the albums Interplay, The Shape Of Things and Evidence. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). Adv £20. Grimes Canadian singersongwriter Claire Boucher plays alternative electronic pop in support of her album Visions. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £11. iTunes Festival 2012: Emeli Sande, Bastille, Gabrielle Aplin The award-winning Aberdeenshire-born, Londonbased singer-songwriter performs contemporary soul and R‘n’B in support of her album Our Version Of Events. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

theo2.co.uk Sleep Party People, Younghusband, Teleman Alt rock and shoegaze by the band originating from Denmark. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10, adv £8. Joss Stone The pop and soul singer from Devon known for the songs You Had Me and Fell In Love With A Boy. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/cc 0844 477 2000). £25. Marques Toliver The American singer-songwriter and violinist performs R‘n’B with a classical influence. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £9.50.

THURSDAY 6 BBC Proms 2012: Prom 74: Staff Benda Bilili & Baloji The Congolese ensemble and rapper perform their own blend of Afrobeat, Latin and funk. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5040). £12 & £16. Grimes See Wednesday. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £11. iTunes Festival 2012: JLS, Conor Maynard The award-winning fourpiece plays chart-topping pop and R‘n’B from its album Jukebox. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. Kultur Shock Experimental and Balkan punk by the Seattle-based group containing members of Ministry and Sage. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £14. Perfume Genius Seattle-based singer-songwriter Mike Hadreas performs tender, folk-influenced indie and piano-driven alternative rock. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). Adv £12.50. The Stepkids The American threepiece plays a fusion of 1970s style soul, psychedelia, funk, electronica, folk and rock. With kaleidoscopic projections by experimental video artist Jesse Mann. Shacklewell Arms, Shacklewell Ln, E8 2EB (020 7249 0810). Adv £8.

Fatal Smile, Crazy Lixx Theatrical hard glam rock and metal from the Swedish fourpiece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, The Kooks, Graham Coxon The Britpop forefather and former Oasis songsmith plays solo material with his pop-rock project, including the single The Death Of You And Me. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £35-£59.50. iTunes Festival 2012: Elbow, Bat For Lashes Atmospheric alternative rock and indie-rock from the Mercury Music Prize winning five-piece from Bury in support of the album Dead In The Boot, a collection of B-sides and rare songs by the band. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. Mumiy Troll, Rubylux The Russian band plays rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £20. Neville Staple And His Band The veteran Jamaica-born singersongwriter, who has been a member of The Specials, Special Beat and Fun Boy Three, performs his various ska, reggae and 2-tone hits. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £20, adv £17.50. Dave Stewart: The Ringmaster Tour The former Eurythmics singer-songwriter and guitarist performs pop-rock and synthpop from his album The Ringmaster General. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £27.50.

SATURDAY 8 Africa Express The collective, which features artists from Africa and the West including Amadou & Mariam, Damon Albarn and Rokia Traore, performs a lively combination of world music, Afrobeat, dance and R‘n’B. Granary Square, Good’s Way, N1C 4AA (020 7638 8891). £20, under 13s £15. Apollo Survivor, Angel At My Table, If Looks Could Kill, Dead Alt rock and pop-punk by the London-located band. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £6.

Leonard Cohen The veteran Canadian soft rock and folk-rock singer-songwriter and his backing band performs songs from his album Old Ideas alongside his hits including Hallelujah, Suzanne and So Long, Marianne. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). Also Sun, £65-£95. iTunes Festival 2012: Jack White, Band Of Horses The American singer-songwriter and frontman of The White Stripes performs rock and blues from his album Blunderbuss. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. King Khan And The Shrines Eccentric garage-rock and psych soul combo. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12. Roop Kumar Rathod And Sunali Rathod The Indian playback singing duo celebrate 100 years of Bollywood cinema. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £25-£75. Taking Hayley The Birminghambased four-piece plays lively pop-punk and rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £6. Walk Off The Earth Indie-rock by the band from Burlington, Ontario. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £12.

SUNDAY 9 iTunes Festival 2012: Deadmau5, Foreign Beggars Progressive house from the Canadian electro producer. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 4828008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com. Jason Molina Benefit Concert Laurie McNamee hosts an evening of indie, alt, country and folk music featuring Alasdair Roberts, Emit Bloch, The Mariner’s Children, Dog Ears, Jess Bryant, Fierce County and Ali Warren. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £15. Klezmer In The Park BBC Late Junction’s Max Reinhardt hosts this celebratory event, featuring music from Los Desterrados, The Yiddish Twist Orchestra, The London Klezmer Quartet and She’koyokh, amongst others. There will also be other forms of entertainment, including cultural stalls, kosher food and Klezmer on Stilts. Regent’s Park, Inner Circle, NW1 4NR (0845 267 2012). Free. Modern English The original line-up of the veteran band performs new wave and postpunk. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). Adv £13. Radio 2 Live In Hyde Park: Rock and pop from old and new acts including Tom Jones, Jessie J, Status Quo, Mick Hucknall, Paloma Faith, Average White Band, Emeli Sande, Katzenjammer and many more. Hyde Park, W2 2UH (020 7298 2000). £35, under 3s free.

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Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs And Many More

TNT AND FESTICKET OFFER YOU A CHANCE TO RIDE WAVES

to offer you two weekend passes to Waves Festival in Vienna. The festival takes place in the heart of Vienna. Waves Vienna is the city’s first club and showcase Festival. In autumn, Vienna’s most significant clubs (Flex, Badeschiff, Fluc, Pratersauna) unique locations, and the public space will merge into the site of Waves Vienna Festival. Applicants must be over 18.

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Michael Workman The Aussie comedian on wowing Edinburgh, why he refuses to stagnate, and who the funniest person in his family is INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

Where did your new show Mercy – a comedy about life, love and family that centres around one man in 1960s Cuba – come from? I did a small cartoon one day in a sketch book of a man sitting in a boat filled with cabbages. Above it I wrote the word ‘Mercy’. It was just a matter of building the story around that image until it matched the mood I was trying to capture. The whole thing was quite organic. Is writing a show from a single initial image a new way of working for you? A show usually begins as a nebulous group of fuzzy ideas. Some synchronise with each other and begin falling into a framework, others atrophy and drift away. This was a new way of working for me because it was the first show to be completely fictitious, and the first to be completely self-contained – but the system for creating it was basically the same. Did you want people to take away specific things about Cuba? Setting the show in Cuba was really just a means to an end. The show is about now, and issues that have contemporary relevance. I have merely hidden them in Cuba in order to make them more palatable. What I want is for an emotional experience to lodge itself in the memories of the audience, so that when they are forced to make ethical decisions they can recall this particular point of view more viscerally. What was your experience at the Edinburgh Fringe festival this year? Dryer. But apart from that, much less stressful. Audiences were low this year due to the Olympics, but the punters that were there were much more invested as a result.

One man and his cabbages Did you get to let your hair down? Some days, I let my hair down by having a bit of a lie in, or a fish supper. That’s how I earned my uni nickname ‘animal’, because my lifestyle was akin to that of a particularly sedentary sloth. How did it feel going this year as an ‘Edinburgh veteran’? I knew what to expect, which kind of softened the blow I guess. And I already knew all the good places to eat so that’s a plus. Did you get to see any of the other shows there this year? I didn’t really have time to see shows, so I couldn’t offer a broad spectrum of experience. I liked John Conway’s New Conway Dimension.

Does doing so many shows in quick succession take its toll? I was doing two shows a day and I still haven’t completely recovered, so my recollections [of the festival] may be the result of exhaustion.

How did winning the Best Comedy award at the 2012 Adelaide Fringe feel? I was elated to win, it really validated what I was doing. I do feel pressured now to maintain a high level of work, but I would have pressured myself to do that anyway. I think the real test will be the incremental raising of the bar that must now occur.

Is it all work and no play? It depends. For me it was. But if you’re younger or perhaps less committed to a large debt, then certainly you could go crazy on the dancefloor.

Is it important to continue challenging yourself and raising your level or work? Really, maintaining the same level of work is just as good as gradually declining. As I see it, if I can

continually surprise myself, I think I’m doing fine, so that is what I am going to aim for. Do you enjoy the ‘life on the road’ aspect of touring, or is it a grind? Life on the road is very unglamorous. From a distance I suppose it would look quite exciting, but actually it’s just very melancholy and scary. Fortunately those conditions breed great performers and the best material, so you keep doing it if only to produce better work. Do you have a comedy hero? I don’t have one. But if you get the chance to check out [Aussie actor, comedian and writer] Shaun Micallef, I suggest you do. Who is the funniest person you have ever met? It’s at this point I might be tempted to say something nostalgic and sweet to end the interview on a high, such as: “My old uncle Jeff, the funniest man ever, I’m doing this for you uncle Jeff.” But I don’t have an uncle Jeff, and if I did he wouldn’t be funny because my family isn’t particularly funny. So, instead, I’m going to say Louis CK. Michael Workman: Mercy. Soho Theatre. Sept 3-8. £10. 9pm 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE sohotheatre.com Oxford Circus

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Breakin’ the law: Hillcoat’s latest is an unruly delight

LAWLESS FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Tom Hardy, Shia LaBeouf | 18 | 116mins | On general release Sept 7

SHUT UP AND PLAY THE HITS FILM STARRING: James Murphy | 15 | 110mins

“If it’s a funeral, let’s have the best funeral ever!” So goes the tagline to this more-than-a-music-documentary doco. Proclaimed as ‘the future of music,’ James Murphy lived up to the hype. This film, looking behind the scenes at his and LCD Soundsystem’s final show in 2011, will probably make you cry because you weren’t there! On general release Sept 7

The Wild West was a brutal time, the Prohibition era of Chicago gangsters just as much so. Throw the two together in a tale of bootlegging brothers clashing with the mob and corrupt cops, and you have the perfect concoction for Aussie filmmaker John Hillcoat, whose fourth flick, Lawless, is his most enjoyable yet. Tom Hardy, Jason Clarke and Shia LaBeouf are the Bondurant brothers. Locally feared and admired in equal measure in 1930s Franklin County, their moonshine business puts them on a collision course with Gary Oldman’s Chicago gangster and Guy Pearce’s corrupt – and shaved-eyebrowed, creepy-looking – special agent. Being a Hillcoat film, Lawless is violent. Several scenes will have you squirming as throats are slit, testicles removed, and one young man makes a painful acquaintance with a barrel of boiling tar. It also, though, shows a move forward for the director, as a duo of female characters refresh his usually male-centric narratives; Jessica Chastain excels as Hardy’s love interest, and Mia Wasikowska’s young Amish girl brings an element of naivety to a world of brutality. Lawless toys with notions of good and evil as the criminals become folk heroes, cops the corrupt money-grabbers, and is, memorably, imbued with a riotous sense of humour, much stemming from Hardy’s portrayal of a bullish brother afraid of no man, but intimated by women – and from scribe Nick Cave’s pen. Throw in an uplifting ending, of sorts, and you have a bold step forward for Hillcoat. One you might even call crowd-pleasing, albeit bruised and blood-stained. GOOD FOR: Seeing the gangster flick go rural

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GIVE US A

CHRIS RAMSEY: FEELING LUCKY

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The plucky young Geordie looks at luck or, rather, randomness and how it shapes our lives. It features those who have it, those who never find it, and the utter randomness that life is, when boiled down. Do yourself a favour, make your own luck on this occasion and don’t miss out on this show.

Ha ha!

Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Sept 12-15 £12.50+ Oxford Circus sohotheatre.com

POPTISM

CORNELIUS

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Street artist Vinnie Nylon’s first solo outing shows his obsessesive compulsion to hoard and collect, and looks back to a post-war era when childhood and adulthood were clearly defined. It’s a combination of high and low art with a pop-art sensibility, including vintage petrol cans, sticker art, as well as new paintings and pieces.

Alan Cox gives an impressively nuanced performance that would sit well on any West End stage in the first revival in more than 70 years of JB Priestley’s office drama. Sam Yates’s touchingly humane and pertinent show is a funny and finely acted production that deserves to reach a wider audience.

High Roller Society Unit 10 Palmers Rd, E2 0SY. Sept 8-Oct 7 Free Mile End highrollersociety.com

Finborough Finborouguh Road, SW10 9ED. Until Sept 8. £12+ Earl’s Court finboroughtheatre.co.uk

JESSICA FOSTEKEW What’s the show about? I’m not a prescriptive linguist, I’m a descriptive one – my show is about how we should learn the rules of language, but then smash them up and break them to find their beauty. Do you want to invent words sometimes? Frequently, eg mulled wine is Christmas ‘tastonified’.

Photos: Keith Patterson

What’s the funniest thing you have ever read? When in China, we went to a bar called ‘Rave Of Disco Club Dancing Night’ where tipsy children danced to Whigfield’s Saturday Night on repeat. If it was a film it would have been called Requiem For A Nightmare. We’d only gone because we missed cider, but once trapped in this hellhole, we opened the drinks menu and under ‘Cider’ it simply listed ‘Smirnoff Ice’.

JUDGE DREDD

VOLCANO

FILM

THEATRE

Sly Stallone starred in an ill-advised adaptation of this in the Nineties. Fans of the 2000AD comic hated it, the public skipped it, and everyone was happy to pretend it never happened. This new version, starring NZ’s Karl Urban and produced by one of the men behind Shallow Grave, looks set to put things right with an all-out blood-fest take. Exactly as it should be then!

Written during his years as a tax exile in Jamaica, Noel Coward’s 1956 expat drama bears more than a passing debt to his glamorous then neighbours – including the adulterous creator of 007, Ian Fleming. It marks an interesting change in Coward’s formerly free-wheeling attitude to sex, yet lacks the sparkle of his best known work

On general release Sept 7 Read our interview with Urban on P30

Vaudeville Strand, WC2R 0NH. Until Sept 29. £20+ Charing Cross kenwright.com

What’s the most commonly misunderstood word? The most frequently mispronounced word is mispronunciation. But then I’m listening more for the irony. And irony, thanks to Alanis Morissette, is the most misused. Lost In Laughter. Sept 9. £5 SW8 2JU Wandsworth lostinlaughter.co.uk

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Urban adventures As his profile grows with the release of Dredd, Kiwi Karl Urban is determined to stay as grounded as possible WORDS PIERRE DE VILLIERS He has travelled on the Starship Enterprise, fought alongside Gandalf and taken potshots at Jason Bourne. Yet, for all his franchise hopping, Kiwi actor Karl Urban has remained well below the celebrity radar – which is just the way he likes it. “I try to keep a pretty low profile and I don’t put myself out in the media or try to become a celebrity,” explains the actor, who lives in Auckland with wife Natalie and teenage sons Hunter and Indiana. “Part of that is about protecting my children. I want to ensure that they have as normal a childhood as possible.” It is becoming increasingly tougher for Urban and his family to dodge the spotlight, though. Having been part of large ensemble casts in the last two The Lord Of The Rings films, Star Trek and The Bourne Supremacy, the actor this month takes centre stage as UK comic book icon Judge Dredd in Dredd 3D, one of the year’s most anticipated action movies. With fanboys’ fingers hovering above their keyboards, ready to lash out if Urban’s portrayal of the futuristic cop does not do justice to the revered source material, the pressure is on like never before. But if the 40-year-old is feeling the heat, he’s not showing it. “To be honest, the pressure I felt was from myself. When I’m making a film, I am just concentrating on making the best choices I can,” he points out. “I don’t take too much time to think about peripheral elements, such as other people’s reactions. I just wanted to make sure that I got things right.” Dredd-heads can rest assured that Urban has done everything in his power to make his version of the Judge very memorable, starting with a gut-busting fitness regime. “Dredd cuts a very imposing figure in the comic books so I worked intensively with a trainer for 12–15 weeks and got into fantastic shape, the best shape of my life in fact,” he says. “Half of getting into shape is eating the right food, so every two hours you have to feed your body the right nutrients in order for it to respond and for the muscles to repair and grow. Staying in shape is a full-time job and one that I don’t particularly enjoy.” Another challenge was the fact that, unlike the derided 1995 Judge Dredd film starring Sylvester Stallone, Dredd does not remove his helmet at all in the new movie. “As an actor, your eyes are one of the most valuable tools,” Urban says. “So it was certainly tough working on

a project where I was denied the use of them. Working on Dredd 3D was very intense, but I thrive in that environment.” Making the film was a particularly satisfying experience for Urban because of where it was shot. To give the movie a distinctive look, the team behind Dredd 3D opted for Cape

“

A lot of Saffas owe me a vast amount of cash

”

Town as a location, a choice that suited the actor down to the ground as a rugby-mad New Zealander. “As a Kiwi, there is this instant connection culturally with South Africans because of rugby,” he says. “It’s a wonderful bonding agent. I went to a rugby game at Newlands while we were filming and it was fantastic. ››

‘Live long and prosper’ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: Urban in Star Trek; Out Of The Blue; Judge Dredd

progress towards stardom, first appearing in TV series such as Shortland Street and Xena: Warrior Princess, before landing his first Hollywood role in Ghost Ship in 2002. He caught the eye as Eomer in The Two Towers and Return Of The King and as an assassin sent to kill Jason Bourne in The Bourne

“

Being an actor is a ticket to see the world

”

Supremacy, before going boldly into space as Dr Bones McCoy in blockbuster reboot Star Trek. With the actor following up his high-profile stint as Judge Dredd with another ride on the Enterprise in a Star Trek sequel, you can’t help but think that Hunter and Indiana Urban must be bragging about their dad to their schoolmates. Their dad, though, won’t allow them to ever behave like celebrity sprogs. “When it comes to my kids, I have a real concern that too much emphasis is placed on what their dad does for a living,” he says. “I really want them to grow up like any other children. Their dad just happens to do job that people find interesting and want to know more about.” ❚ Dredd 3D is released on September 7

Photos: Getty

“I have a lot of people in South Africa who owe me vast amounts of cash from bets we made during the World Cup. I made some wonderful friendships out there. Discovering new countries and cultures and meeting new people while working in interesting locations are aspects of my job that I enjoy. Being an actor is a great ticket to see the world.” With Urban spending about half the year away from home, juggling fatherhood and a career is not easy. “Finding that balance between being a father and working is incredibly important,” he says. “Typically when I start a movie I will do all the pre-production stuff and then at some point I will bring my family out. “Once I’ve established the character and have found a good footing, I bring them out and we get to spend some time together just like a regular family. And if they can’t get to me, I will fly back to New Zealand as often as I can. It can be tricky, but you have to make it work.” While moving to Los Angeles might cut down on his travel time, Urban, who was born in Wellington, has no plans to leave the country that has acted as inspiration to him his whole life. “Growing up, I found New Zealand to be a very creative environment for many different reasons,” he says. “I had a lot of friends who worked in the film industry and I was around them a lot growing up and I fell in love with the medium. I was always interested in watching people and analysing why people did certain things. Me gravitating towards acting was born out of that curiosity.” Since choosing acting as a career, Urban has made steady TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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31/8/12 17:22:37

SPARETIME

Various Artists: Hed Kandi Ibiza

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Port Royale 3: Pirates And Merchants

PS3

The biggest tracks from this year’s season on the clubbing island. £11.99 play.com

Fight for supremacy in the 17th-century colonies. £34.99 play.com

Persona 4: Arena The Vaccines: Come Of Age

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RPG meets fight-‘em-up in this anime action adventure. £39.99 amazon.co.uk

Last year’s breakout indie stars return with album number two. £7.99 play.com

Urban Futbol Android app

Five city ‘pitches’ put your skills to the test in this street kick-about game. Free play.google.com

Tessa Clayton: 50 Shades Of Mr Darcy Book

Pride And Prejudice’s hearthrob finds himself the focus in this titilating parody mash-up. £7.99 play.com

Put Things Off iPhone app

Why do today what can wait for tomorrow? This helps you procastinate your life away. £1.49 itunes.apple.com

Pittacus Lore: The Rise Of Nine Book

The third instalment in the bestselling Lorien Legacies series hits the shelves. £14.99 amazon.co.uk

Scratch Box Gadget

For prospective DJs (sort of), this allows you to record voices and sounds and remix them. £12

The Hunger Games

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Jennifer Lawrence stars in this adaptation of the best-selling fantasy series, featuring a teen forced to fight for food to entertain the masses. £10 amazon.co.uk

Festival Feet Gadget

Keep your feet mud-free at festivals with these Converse-apeing cover-ups. £4 spinninghat.com

Jaws Blu-ray

The film that scared everyone out of the water comes to Blu-Ray, with shiny new docos, too. £19.99 play.com

App of the Week Archer App

Target practice! Keep the Games going with this ace archery game, with wind speed and moving targets to keep difficulty levels up. Free windowsphone.com

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Red Swing Dress Show off what’s left of your tan with maximum effect in this ruby number.

Sabik T-shirt Funk up cut-off jean-shorts with this Elvis-inspired Energie T-shirt.

Pretty Green Look as ‘ard as the Gallagher brothers in Liam’s T design.

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This beautiful little boutique is a floating vintage hat shop. Set on a canal boat, its location changes from week to week as it stops at idyllic settings on London’s canals. Its owner, Will Waghorn, is as mad as a hatter. “I’ve always loved hats,” Waghorn says. “I’ve Iived on a boat for a while and decide I’d got for it.” He reckons there’s nothing quite like his quaint little store in London. “It’s a floating shop and the hats that I feature are unique,” he explains. “You won’t find them in a market store, and the best bit is they’re affordable.” Waghorn imports labels including Groorin Bros., Jaxon Hats, New York Hat Co. and Sur La Tete. The boat will be in Angel this week, selling granny knit bobble hats, trilbys, flat caps and brimmed straw hats. OPEN 1pm-6pm COST £18-30 per item chapeaubateau.com On the canal near Noel Rd, N1 8HD until September 9. The boat moves from week to week so check the website for the current location. TEL 07980 821 580 Angel

Last days of summer

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Beach Athletics Flip-flop the day away in these super-soft, brightly coloured thongs. beachathletics.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

PARKOUR We’ve been aching for days, after a 90-minute lesson with Parkour Generations. At its purpose-built training facility, The LEAP, in Westminster, students practice the art of moving through an urban environment on a collection of smooth blocks, adult monkey bars and a bouncy surface to soften the fall. Our first task: to scale a 7ft wall 25 times. Yes, 25 times. We could barely reach the top, let alone pull ourselves up. We tried until our puny arms gave in. When we finally reached the summit, we had to hop across a series of increasingly bigger gaps. Concentrating on balance and fighting a fear of heights, we hadn’t even noticed we were using nearly every muscle, pushing each to the limits. The whole experience was utterly exhilarating. Tip: after the warm down, ask the instructors to show you how it’s really done. It’s beautiful to watch. The sessions costs £10 and take place daily at various times.

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Do good, keep fit Feel doubly smug by combing your workout with volunteering – here’s the lowdown on GoodGym WORDS JADE BREMNER

You know that amazing smugness you get after a sweaty workout? And that selfsatisfied feeling when you help a struggling mum take a pram up the stairs in the Tube? Well, you can feel both simultaneously at GoodGym, a not-for-profit company offering one of the most meaningful ways to exercise in London. “Many of us waste all of our energy working out in small rooms on machines,” GoodGym founder Ivo Gormley says. “I wanted to find a way to use that energy for more, by doing something good.” Gormley’s venture has grown to 600 members in three years. Each week, up to 40 meet in east London and run to help on a community project. Distances differ depending on the project. “Tonight we’re going to help an elderly man in Bow,” Gormley says. “There will be about 20 minutes of running to and from his house, and we’ll spend about an hour

helping him with his house and garden.” So far, GoodGym has four meeting points around east London, but people in other areas can also get involved. If you’re looking for a serious workout, you can go on a ‘mission’, which starts from your house and goes directly to the project. “We’re very inclusive,” Gormley says. “The distance of our runs changes to suit different levels, but no one gets left behind.” At the destination, runners do everything from clearing rubble from community areas to moving library books or helping the disabled people in their homes. “People can refer jobs to us on our website, and we’re also in contact with the NHS, pharmacists, occupational therapists and community centres, who also refer projects,” Gormley says. “Is it fun, you get to meet other people in the community and you get a kick out of helping people.” goodgym.org

Westminster Academy, 255 Harrow Road, W2 5EZ parkourgenerations.com Royal Oak

Rewarding: get stuck in at GoodGym 36

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Giving back: work up a sweat then put in some hard graft on a ‘mission’

INDIAN SUMMER

Mark Hill Beach Babe Spray Give tresses a sun-kissed look £5.99 boots.com

OTHER DO-GOODER WAYS TO KEEP FIT

Vinspired, vinspired This clever scheme puts volunteers in touch with companies who can offer them experience. Get sporty by choosing to learn martial arts for free in exchange for assisting on a PR and marketing team. Alternatively, volunteer to run StreetGames with your community and you’ll get the chance to gain various qualifications along the way.

Photos: Parkour Generations, stolenoranges.com, thinkstock

Do-It, do-it.org.uk With Do-it, you can sign up for sports and recreation volunteering online in your area at the click of a button. There’s a varied programme of fitness activities, from helping at sports classes for disabled people and

at conservation action days, to sea cadets groups, football coaching for kids and cycle deliveries for organic food companies.

FrontCover Pencils & Polish Give your style a colour burst £18 frontcovercosmetics.com

Back To Life, timebank.org.uk Offer emotional support through a new activity, hobby or sport with this project based in south London. Volunteers at Back To Life mentor young men and women between 18-25 with mental health issues. These individuals are often socially excluded or at risk of suicide. Doing what seems like a simple sporting activity NEXT WEEK could help build confidence, keep We go kayaking them (and you) fit, on the Thames plus be rewarding.

GeoSkincare Men’s scrub For a glowing complexion £19.95 thenaturalskincarecompany.co.uk

TOP TREATMENT: H.E.A.R.T Sceptics will find this hard to swallow, but if you give it a chance, Healing Emotions And Reconnection Therapy might just work. Based on the principal of energy levels, it works on your physical and emotional state. After an optional massage, the therapist goes through breathing techniques, releasing negative energy that may be caused by trauma or an event in your life, resulting in stress. The idea is you feel rejuvenated and happy after. £45 Campsbourne Road, N8 7PT

crouchendmassage.co.uk

Hornsey

New Look Brighten up grey days with a flash of colour £5.95 faithcosmetics.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Remote: NT is perfect if you love the great outdoors

It’s wild up north Fancy mustering cattle or working with crocs? Australia’s NT is bursting with opportunities for job-seekers WORDS CAROL DRIVER Crocodiles, cattle and campfires – if you like your spare time to be more on the wild side, Australia’s Northern Territory has it in bundles. Although it’s the country’s third biggest state, there are only 230,000 inhabitants, lending itself to wide open spaces, perfect for outdoorsy types. And with a strong jobs market – and unemployment low at 4.1 per cent – now is the perfect time to consider making your move. Darwin is the NT’s state capital city, with other major towns including Alice Springs, Katherine and Tennant Creek attracting workers from over Australia as well as hordes of expats. The NT is one of Australia’s most culturally diverse regions, with 100 nationalities, supporting some 50 social, 38

cultural and religious organisations – so you’ll have a field day trying to learn about them all. With mining boom lifting the country’s economy, experienced staff are always being sought in the industry – and there are also opportunities in oil and gas, agriculture as well as tourism. And, although there’s a massive push to secure jobs for locals and the indigenous population, the government recognises not all vacancies can be filled locally. “Job opportunities are not limited to professionals and trades, the NT’s forecasted labour shortages are in just about every area,” a spokesman for the NT government’s Department of Business And Employment explains. “The Territory has long been like

a home-away-from-home for overseas immigrants who have contributed enormously to our economy and culture, and have embraced our unique lifestyle.” For those looking for adventure in Australia on a 12-month working visa, there are heaps of options. You could find yourself mustering cattle on an outback ranch Hugh Jackman-style, or working in healthcare in remote indigenous communities, or there are plenty of jobs available for chefs, waiters, barstaff, motel and hotel staff, as well as nannies, maintenance workers and tour guides. If hospitality’s your thing, check out SkyCity in Darwin – a five-star luxury resort and casino – it’s the largest tourism employer in the NT. While

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB KATHARINE HIRST CAREER Joint MD AGE 27 LIVES Notting Hill FROM Canada

Photos: Thinkstock; AAP

Ranch life: work with cattle

Wild thing: Charlotte Pickering

Traffic Werx NT offers WORKING IN THE NT place to train is VisitOz jobs in traffic control ✔ To check out the jobs shortage (visitoz.org). So long in Darwin. list for the Northern Territory as you’ve got a visa, Neil Egan, 23, see nt.gov.au it guarantees to find started his NT work for 18-30✔ The Territory Worker Database adventure working helps local businesses find staff, see year-olds – either on on a remote station the land or in rural theterritory.com.au and register mustering, then moved hospitality, including in your details, which recruitment on to a company which the Northern Territory. agencies and potential employers helped disabled people On its courses, will be able to access. The site to ride horses. He now you’ll learn how to ride also hosts useful info for anyone works as a residential horses and motorbikes, considering moving to NT support worker in work with cattle, drive ✔ SkyCity Darwin – the largest Alice Springs. “The tractors, work with tourism employ in NT – has NT is often referred available full-time positions as well fencing and learn chain to as a the land of sawing skills – as well as seasonal work in hospitality opportunity,” Egan, as farm safety. listed on its site: from Ireland, says. With such a remote skycitydarwin.com.au “You need to have landscape, NT is perfect a good attitude, if you like working with willingness to learn, a good work ethic. wild animals. Charlotte Pickering, 20, Employers are always keen to give you moved to Darwin from Liverpool three a go, if you are positive.” years ago, landing her “dream job” in And after the working day is done, Crocosaurus Cove. Egan says there’s always a “good craic”, “I love telling my friends back home with plenty of nightlife. “The expats I with crocodiles and reptiles,” she says. are everywhere. They’ve caught on “The team spirit is great. My favourite to how good the lifestyle, wages and croc is Harry – a 4.9m saltwater who weather are here in the NT. Everything weighs more than 700kg and is close in Alice Springs. Everyone enjoys is 60 years old. a drink. Just be prepared to work hard It’s been an NEXT WEEK and party harder.” interesting If you’ve not grown up on a journey from Working in the farm, chances are your agricultural Liverpool fashion industry experience is limited. The perfect so far!”

How did you get into your line of work? I did a Masters at LSE and started off in research at Accenture, before moving to Accenture Strategy practice, and within months I was working on our biggest mobile project. I got completely hooked on how mobile and social networks are changing the way people interact and shop, and so when I heard about the opportunity to co-run DropGifts in the UK I jumped at the chance. What do you do day-to-day? Everything from pitching to retailers who might want to be featured on our site, to dreaming up PR ideas. What’s the best part of your job? Knowing that every single present sent in the UK through DropGifts is down to our team. What’s the most challenging? Deciding what ideas to pursue now and which ones need to sit and wait until later.

HOW TO... DEAL

WITH THE PUBLIC If your job involves being faceto-face with customers, make sure you’re a people person...

• Smile and be friendly, but not

too enthusiastically, you don’t want to scare them away.

• Do go the extra mile – offer to

find what they’re looking for or suggest an alternative – don’t just leave them hanging.

• Don’t be miserable. If you’re

having a bad day, take yourself off and give yourself a talking to – don’t take it out on everyone else.

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tntjobs.co.uk MURPHY’S PUB & ISLANDER’S REST

JOB OF THE WEEK:

Person to cover multiple roles: barmaid, house keeper and kitchen staff

Location: Sherkin Island, County Cork, Ireland Salary: Neg. Sherkin Island, West Cork, Ireland. 21 bedroom Island based hotel with bar and restaurant overlooking Baltimore harbour

Looking for staff from New Zealand or Australia to work from now until Christmas (or maybe until Saint Patrick’s Day). Jobs include bar, housekeeping and kitchen staff. Accommodation provided. Great place to meet new people and save money

www.islandersrest.ie

Contact: info@islandersrest.ie

LUCINDA ELLERY CONSULTANCY

JOB OF THE WEEK: Studio Stylist Manager Location: Edinburgh Salary: £25 000.00 - Based upon exp.

T: 0208 741 8224

Experienced Studio Stylist Manager required in Edinburgh with the relevant NVQ 2/3 or equivalent who is a natural leader and has an interest in hair loss and professional extensions. Training provided in London.

lucindaellery-hairloss.co.uk lucindaellery.com Lucinda Ellery Consultancy specialises in hair-loss management and professional hair extensions. We are based in London, Manchester, Edinburgh and Los Angeles

PEACH NURSING T: 01582 635 149 peachnursing.com • Good rate of pay & regular income guaranteed for the right people • In-House / External Training Live Out positions • Daily Travel subsistence

Rosemary Hocknell | 0208 741 8224 ext 1016 | rosemary@lucindaellery.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Carers and Qualified Nurses Location: Central and North London Salary: Good Rate of Pay Peach Nursing are offering good rates of pay for Carers and RGNs to work in Central and NW London. We spacialise in Domiciliary Care for the discerning client who wishes to be cared for in their own home. If this is something you can do and you have the relevant experience, please forward your CV to info@peachnursing.com 01582 635 149 | info@peachnursing.com

SWAN IT RECRUITMENT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Recruitment Consultant all levels Location: Watford Salary: Negotaible DOE

T: 01923 202 777 www.swanitrecruitment.com

Recruitment consultants competitive basic, monthly commission and flexible benefits. Friendly fun and sociable team. Our SA team staffed mainly by South African nationals focus on South African clients and candidates.

Swan iT Recruitment is enjoying unprecedented success and growth and as a result, we are looking to grow our team at our office in Watford

Sean Young | 01923 202 777 | seany@swanitrecruitment.com

ANDERS PLUS

JOB OF THE WEEK: RECRUITMENT CONSULTANT Location: VAUXHALL, LONDON Salary: NEGOTIABLE

T: 0207 7937825 Anders Plus is a specialist horticulture recruitment company supplying permanent & temporary staffing solutions to the landscaping and horticultural industries.

We require someone with a recruitment background, good initiative and a sense of humour to join our permanent division. In addition, you will need to be organised and adept at building solid client & candidate relationships. Knowledge of horticultural practices desirable.

IPG T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £10,000 by Summer

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night.

Sarah Ronan | 0207 7937825 | sarah@andersplus.com

07716 376 408

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

TNT_1514_JOTW.indd 40

JOBS 31/8/12 17:17:26

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Small historic country house Bed & Breakfast on Nantucket Island (off Cape Cod, near Boston) seeks fulltime housekeepers/cleaners/chambermaids to help us run our INN. Applicants must be cheerful, friendly, flexible, hardworking, fluent in English, NON-SMOKING, healthy, female, over age 21 and have a genuine interest in hospitality, tourism and travel to assist owners/ innkeepers in operation of an INN with 11 guestrooms. A commitment of 6-8 months is essential. Shared housing/accommodations, salary, tips and work visa provided. Anchor Inn will be a sponsor for H2B work VISA from May-Nov / or early Dec 2013.

Are you interested in living and working in the yachting, summer beach resort of NANTUCKET? Many of our past employees have been travelers from New Zealand, Australia, Sweden, Hungary, Scotland, Denmark and England on this seasonal work program. Please send a thoughtful, detailed email introducing yourself, along with your CV, a recent photo, and personal/ work references and email address and contact phone number to anchorin@nantucket.net Let us know a bit about you, your interests, hobbies, work experiences, family and personal information...and why you are interested in this opportunity. Have you been to the USA before for work or holiday? We will select candidates for Skype interviews.

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LIFESTYLEMONEY CASH-SAVING TIPS MONEY Xxxxxxxxx OFF GROCERIES Get your housemates together to order your XXXXXXXXX fi rst ever online shop this Xxxxxxxxxxx week (from Sainsbury’s) and you’ll get a £15 XXXXXXXXX voucher. You can blow Xxxxxxxxxxx the offer on anything from bread to booze. XXXXXXXXX Happy days! To get the Xxxxxxxxxxx deal, simply spend £75 and tap in this code: XXXXXXXXX XLLJ-PVD4-PQ93. Xxxxxxxxxxx CIDER AND CINEMA Special packs of Magners (original and pear cider flavours) have an awesome little offer on them this week. Buy two Magners four-packs or a single six- or eight- pack to get up to two free Vue Cinema tickets. Check your pack for special codes, then visit the Magners website and print your Vue ticket. See magnersvueinthedark.co.uk

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HOW YOU SPEND IT! a way of combining work with my spare time. Any money-saving tips for living in London? Get creative. I save money by being a mystery shopper. I also get paid for meal reviews. Plus I pick up magazines: there’s often lots of cosmetic deals and info on what’s cheap in them.

ANELIYA KYURKCHIEVA, 23 JOB Fashion design student FROM Bulgaria LIVES London How do you budget? I prioritise what’s most

important for the month. If I want to splurge on something to make me happy, I usually go vintage shopping in London’s markets and boutiques. That inspires me in my work and at the same time it’s fun. It’s

Last big blow-out? A holiday in Italy two weeks ago, that was expensive. What non-essential items do you spend money on? Fashion. It makes me very. very happy.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Football crazy, spending mad Forbes reported 20-year-old Brazilian soccer star Neymar may have a spending problem. In two years, he’s blown an estimated £7.5m on yachts and mansions

❚ Wayne Rooney is another big spending player; one of his most elaborate purchases includes an £11.3m neo-Georgian mega mansion in Cheshire. We bet Coleen was pleased.

❚ Mario Balotelli, of

Becks’ diamond studs

Manchester City, is one of the more generous footie players. He reportedly gave a homeless man £1000 after winning £25,000 in a casino.

❚ Ronaldo likes to treat himself to lavish Birthday gifts. This year he bought a special-edition Lamborghini Aventador LP700-4 worth £268,000. At least he didn’t have to wrap it. ❚ As footballers go, David Beckham is fairly thrifty with his spending. Oh... but then he does have that penchant for £7,000 diamond earrings.

Photos: Getty Images

CATCH A SHOW There’s a sale on at the moment for West End shows. You can see Thriller, The Lion King and Shrek The Musical for as little as £12.50 a pop. See theatrepeople. com to book yours, but get in there fast before the cheap tickets go. And enjoy the show.

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WORDS PETTER LARSSON

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This leafy area of London is synonymous with tennis, but, for the other 50 weeks of the year, Wimbledon offers chilled-out streets as well as lively weekends. And this sought-after area boasts classy quarters where you can indulge in strawberries and cream all year round. The area’s common and green spaces also offer stressed-out city workers refuge, and Wimbledon is only a 30-minute Tube journey from the busy Piccadilly Circus.

Why here?

Yellow blender Make your own smoothies morphyrichards.co.uk

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More than just tennis Wimbledon, SW19

.00

£25

Wimbledon is divided into three areas. For vibrant bars, restaurants and heaps of decent shops, head to the south. Wimbledon Village is where you’ll find designer boutiques as well as top nightlife with continental and European bars, restaurants and clubs. While the common is where locals and visitors sprawl out on sunny days, eating picnics. Oh, and there’s also the tennis matches you may have heard about ...

The common and (below) out on the town manager at Wimbledon estate agent Woollens, says: “The area attracts a lot of commuters because of the Underground – a lot of city workers, young people between 25 and 35, who would rather rent somewhere to live than buy.”

Where to hang out In summer, head to the common, which has ponds, a nature trail and a windmill – creating the illusion you’re a lot further from the city. For something more sophisticated than a picnic, there are plenty of bars around the High Street in Wimbledon Village. Hemingways (hemingwaysbar.co.uk) serves good cocktails, while The Crooked Billet (thecrookedbilletwimbledon.com),

Don’t move here if...

.00

£43

If you’re the type of person who gets stressed by the sound of the birds singing and the smell of flowers, this might not be for you. Maybe think twice if you hate the tennis – the locals are patriotic about their world-famous tournaments.

The people GPO Rotary Dial Go retro. Who needs an iPhone? qvcuk.com

Central Wimbledon is full of young professionals, with families tending to head up the hill. Geoff Keast, sales and lettings

on Osiers Road at the corner of Wimbledon Common, is a more traditional English pub – check out the quiz night every Monday. Continue the night at the Broadway, hitting clubs such as Po Na Na or The

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MY AREA IZZY FLATTERY HAIR STYLIST 25

“When we moved here I thought we’d be going to central London a lot, but now we’ve had a good look around we have realised we don’t need to as there’s so much to do.”

MATT DAWSON

BARTENDER 27

Watershed, or head to the New Wimbledon Theatre for something more cultural.

area that’s seen as very affluent – popular because of its transport connections.”

The connections

What you can rent

One of Wimbledon’s main attractions is its transport links. Get to central London on the District line from Wimbledon and Wimbledon Park or catch the Northern line from south Wimbledon. There is also a tramline to the major shops in Croydon, and South West Railway takes you to Waterloo in just 17 minutes. Richard Eddison at Wimbledon estate agent Eddison White says: “Wimbledon has always been an

Near the Broadway, the properties are mostly Victorian style. Further up the hill in the Wimbledon Village is where you’ll find a lot of larger Edwardian properties. Many were demolished in the Seventies and NEXT WEEK Eighties and are now Renovate your rebuilt as modern home on the cheap luxury apartments.

“The proximities are great. You get more space but you are also close to the city – so it really is the best of both worlds.”

JENNIFER

CLEMENTS STUDENT 24

“It’s nice that we’ve got different areas – the shops in the Broadway, the high sreet with the pretty shops and the common. I really like the common, especially for picnics.”

SW19 INFO BOROUGH

Merton COUNCIL TAX

£1434.41 Band D

Photos: Getty

TRAVEL TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON

STUDIO FLAT £187pw

ONE-BED FLAT £187pw

ONE-BED FLAT £211pw

This flat has a private parking space and a garden to boot. It has a ‘wall bed’, a fully fitted kitchen as well as a shower and bathroom. It’s seven minutes from Colliers Wood Tube.

With its own yard, this flat is near to South Wimbledon Tube. It’s also close to parks and gyms. It has a separate lounge as well as a kitchen and double bedroom.

This spacious first-floor masionette has a modern bathroom and kitchen, a living room as well as a large balcony for summer nights There’s also free parking.

ellisons.uk.com

woollens.co.uk

ellisons.uk.com

30 minutes Wimbledon, Wimbledon Park, South Wimbledon TUBE

AVERAGE ROOM SHARE 1 BED

£72pw AVERAGE RENTAL STUDIO

£850pcm AVERAGE RENTAL 1 BED

£960pcm

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WORLDVIEW

@tntmagazine

Mystery: [Caption]Wheel Clamp Man

POWER TO THE WHEEL CLAMPED PEOPLE AUSTRALIA A vigilante hero has taken to the streets of Perth to free angry motorists from wheel clamps with his trusty angle grinder. Wearing skin-tight green Lycra, a green hardhat, rainbow striped socks, and cape accessories, the mystery hero, known as Wheel Clamp Man, removes the clamps illegally for vexed residents. He said: “I’m helping people out. I don’t feel I’m damaging property. The amount of money these companies make off innocent people is insane.” In return for his services, the mystery man asks for a small donation, which he donates to a local homeless charity. TWEETS OF THE WEEK @ProResting This is embarrassing. They’ve already broken 2 world records at the paralympics today and I’m yet to get out of my pyjamas @TiernanDouieb There is something childishly great about scientists using the term ‘supermassive’. It’s megabrilliant

OLD ‘WITCH’ CLAIMS TO HAVE NED’S HEAD NEW ZEALAND A pensioner says she has Ned Kelly’s skull, one of Australia’s most soughtafter relics. Anna Hoffman, 74, said she was given the skull 30 years ago while on holiday in Melbourne by a security guard who told her it was “Ned’s head”. The discovery has raised the interest of the Victorian Institute of Forensic Medicine, which matched Kelly’s remains to the DNA of a surviving relative. Hoffman, who 46

Chilling out: polar bear Nelson is seen with the latest must-read book at at Sea World on the Gold Coast. Keepers are working hard to encourage breeding, including creating the book Fifty Shades Of White and making romantic poolside meals of sardines

courted notoriety as a witch in the Sixties, said she was given the skull by a mysterious uniformed man at a family dinner in 1980. “We got talking about skulls and the next day he turned up with this skull. He said it was Ned Kelly’s skull, and told me to ‘put it in the bottom of your bag and wrap it up’.” Hoffman said it is one of more than 20 skulls in her collection. Kelly, an Australian bushranger, was hanged in 1880 for killing three police officers, but the location of his remains had been a mystery until last year. Scientists identified his bones through DNA testing of 12 skeletons exhumed from Melbourne’s Pentridge Prison site.

MAN GETS RUN OVER MONKEYING AROUND UNITED STATES It was a gag that backfired. Randy Lee Tenley was dressed up as Bigfoot trying to fool motorists when he was knocked down by a car. Tenley, 44, was skulking around in a ghillie suit, a camouflage outfoot worn by hunters, when he was hit in Montana. After a car driven by 15-year-old girl hit him, a second car ran over him. “The camouflage suit was dark and subdued. It’s designed to break up a silhouette and blend in with your surroundings,” Highway Patrol trooper Jim Schneider said.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 33

Depth, in feet, of hole a retired couple from Plymouth found in their home after spotting a bump in the floor

Number of hours a search party spent looking for a woman in Iceland who had unwittingly joined the search party ...

Cannabis: just say no, kids

YOUNG STONERS ARE STUPID, SAYS STUDY

NEW ZEALAND Smoking cannabis permanently affects the IQ of under 18s, a study carried out in New Zealand has revealed. More than 1000 people were monitored from birth to the age of 38, for research carried out in Dunedin. The study showed those who had been habitual cannabis smokers in their youth experienced a drop of eight points on average in their IQ between ages 13 and 38. Those who started toking after 18 didn’t show the same decline in IQ. Researcher Avshalom Caspi said: “The simple message is that substance use is not healthy for kids. That’s true for tobacco, alcohol, and apparently for cannabis.”

BUS DRIVER FINED WHILE STATIONARY

Photos: Thinkstok; Getty; AAP

AUSTRALIA An Aussie bus driver was hit with a fine, despite being parked at a bus stop when caught on camera. Jeffrey Lambe, 65, was asked to pay AU$431 (£284) for driving 70km/h on a 50km/h road when he was actually picking up passengers at a stop in the Adelaide suburb Tranmere, Adelaide Now writes. Mr Lambe said: “My first reaction was I wouldn’t have been driving a bus with passengers at that speed because it’s way too dangerous.” However, the Transport Department’s footage shows the bus had its brake lights

FINAL 1514 World news.indd 47

Time, in months, escaped prisoner Brendan Ryan spent on the run – living with his mum in Wolverhampton

Cost to take pampered pooches on board a new service offered by private jet charter company Victor from the UK

Travelling at the speed of a parked bus and indicator on. “How could someone issue a fine based on this picture?” Lambe added, after his penalty was overturned.

RACIST JOB ADVERT SPARKS OUTRAGE AUSTRALIA A shopping centre advert banning “Indians and Asians” from applying has caused outrage. The online advert seeking cleaners for the mall in Hobart read: “Store requires no Indians or Asians please. MUST SPEAK ENGLISH.” The ad was later removed from the site after people posted outraged comments on social media sites. A Coles supermarket spokesman admitted the advert was posted by a contract company used to clean its store in Rosny, Hobart. A spokesman told The Mercury: “The ad was placed without Coles’ knowledge and we were extremely concerned to learn of the ad and its contents.”

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK Apparently the Saudi Arabian Paralympic team is mainly thieves So-called comedian Frankie Boyle cracks a ‘joke’ on Twitter. Stop it. Our sides are hurting

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CAROL DRIVER carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

Inspirational: the Opening Ceremony

Real Games legacy must come from the Paralympics

Photos: Getty

Will 2012 events spark shift in how disabled people are treated?

Twitter was rife with activity during the Paralympics Opening Ceremony: presenter Jon Snow’s suit was too white; there were *gasp* advert breaks; and there was too much political commentary. But, what stuck out was the outpouring of emotion over the athletes’ stories; their overcoming of unimaginable adversity to achieve what most able-bodied people would struggle to even attempt. It was as though many (admittedly, I’m basing this on Twitter) people had never been into contact with a disabled person. But then it occurred to me – this is entirely plausible. Before the Paralympics, the disabled – thanks to the government mantra that benefit cheats are the new scum of the earth – were considered potential leeches on society. “Because he thought I was fake, he’s called me a spacker, a cripple ... a benefit cheat ... a scrounger,” said multiple sclerosis sufferer Peter Greener, on the Don’t Hate Us feature on ITV’s London Tonight. Greener was subjected to a three-month campaign of abuse after a neighbour suspected he was faking his symptoms to claim cash from the government. And Greener isn’t alone. There were an estimated 65,000 disability hate crimes in the UK in 2011, with attitudes towards the disabled worsening over the past year. So that’s hate crimes against people just like the inspirational athletes rightfully receiving huge amounts of adulation as they complete in the Games. Shocking, isn’t it? Sod the Olympics legacy (who cares how the Stadium is used in years to come?), the important heritage from these weeks of sports will come from the Paralympics. There needs to be a shift towards a more inclusive society, where disabled people are seen for what they are – people – rather than just as vulnerable or different. Co-artistic director of the Opening Ceremony Jenny Sealey said: “I want people to see a great show and say: ‘Bloody hell, I never knew there were so many disabled people.’ This is our chance not to be hidden any more.” Mission accomplished? Let’s hope so. » Agree or disagree? Will the Paralympics change anything? letters@tntmagazine.com

LADIES, PLEASE YOURSELVES While the rest of the globe was getting involved in the incredible achievements of the Paralympians, the fashion world was, of course, going off in its own bizarre direction. In a statement you’d expect to have heard back in the Stepford Wives era of the Fifties, designer Achilleas Constantinou parted with some of the wisdom he has no doubt picked up around the catwalk over the years. Slamming really skinny models, he said: “Women should be slim for their men – but not size zero. An ideal weight is the goal. An ideal weight for health and

“

Harping back to the Stepford Wives Fifties

”

an ideal weight to appease your partner.” Yes, that’s right, ladies. You must be slim to please your men. Heaven forbid you want take care of your body just for yourself. Or that you find a partner who likes you (Bridget Jones-style) just as you are, which, looking at Constantinou, is obviously the method he lives by. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Our darkest hour After five soldiers are killed in Afghanistan, should Australia withdraw troops early? WORDS OLI JONES The deaths of five Australian soldiers in Afghanistan last week marked the deadliest day for the nation since the Vietnam War. The news that three diggers had been shot dead at close range in a ‘green on blue’ attack by an Afghan National Army sergeant in Uruzgan province was breaking when a helicopter crashed in Helmand province, killing two Australian special forces soldiers. The casualties come just weeks after five Kiwi troops were killed in two Taliban attacks in Bamiyan province. Australian prime minister Julia Gillard, who cut short a diplomatic visit to the Pacific Islands after receiving news, said: “This is news so truly shocking that it’s going to feel for many Australians like a physical blow. “If we are feeling that, then it is hard to imagine what the families of these five men are feeling,” she said. “Their loss is immense, their grief will be sharp and our condolences go to each of them as they are confronted by this news.” Opposition leader Tony Abbott called it a “black day for our military forces. A tragic day for the families and comrades of those killed in action”. The three unnamed soldiers – all from Brisbane’s Gallipoli Barracks – included a 40-year-old lance corporal, a 23-yearold private and a 21-year-old sapper. They were killed as they relaxed at the end of the day, and the assailant is still on the run. It marks the third ‘green on blue’ incident – an ‘insider killing’ named after military coding in which blue refers to the friendly force, and green to an allied friendly force – involving Australian forces in the past 12 months. So far this year, 45 Western soldiers have been killed in similar attacks – a rise of 10 from the previous year. In total, 35 Australians have been killed since the conflict began 11 years ago. The deaths have brought the Afghanistan war into sharp focus for many Australians, with The Greens and media commentators calling for an immediate withdrawal. The country has about 1550 military personnel deployed 50

in what’s often referred to in Western media as the ‘forgotten war’, with a further 800 in the Middle East. As part of the International Security Assistance Force coalition, the troops – alongside personnel from the US, UK, and other countries – are aiding the rebuilding infrastructure and training Afghan security forces in Uruzgan province. Australia is set to assume the leadership of the coalition forces working in Uruzgan in late 2012, taking over from the Americans, although The Australian Defence Ministry has said this will not necessitate an increase in the number of troops deployed in the province.

“

The Afghan army is not up to the task

”

Gillard announced in April the withdrawal of Australian troops would most likely be complete by the end of 2013. While this was nearly a year earlier than originally planned, Garth Pratten, from Australia National University’s Strategic Defense Studies Centre, said it was inline with coalition forces plan set down during 2011’s Lisbon summit. “Australia’s involvement has always been very closely tied to Uruzgan province,” Pratten said. Abbott offered conditional support for the revised withdrawal date, providing that Aussie military leaders believed “the transition in Uruzgan could realistically commence by mid-2013”. Uruzgan is not a key province, so is likely to be one of the first transitioned to Afghan control. However, difficult questions remain unanswered as to the readiness of the Afghan forces. Despite domestic military successfully repelling mid-scale attacks on Kabul, a recent NATO assessment of the Afghan National Army found only

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Photos: Getty

Clockwise: Afghan National Security Forces working with Australian soldiers: Julia Gillard shaking hands with US president Barack Obama; Australian Defence Force personnel

one unit it deemed fit to conduct independent operations, and none in the Afghan police. There are concerns that NATO and its allies are refusing to accept the Afghan Army is unreliable, that it’s not up to the task of beating the Taliban, meaning it could still be a safe haven for terrorists. Critics of the war are asking whether the achievements of troops in Uruzgan, of which there are many – from building infrastructure and developing social institutions in schools, hospitals and mosques, to offering trade courses and training Afghan security forces – are worth the lives of so many young Australians. Especially if, once they’ve pulled out, that infrastructure falls into the hands of the Taliban, and those lives would have been lost in vain. Bringing forward the withdrawal of troops certainly chimes with the Australian public, with 66 per cent voting in a recent opinion poll to bring forces home from Afghanistan. But Gillard has said she is not considering an earlier exit. “After all that we have lost and all that we have been through in Afghanistan, I cannot countenance leaving before the mission is completed,” she said last week. “I cannot and will not countenance giving a strategic victory to people who have made it their work to kill Australian soldiers. “We cannot allow even the most grievous of losses to change our strategy. In my view that wouldn’t be appropriately honouring the men we have lost. In my view it would be letting our nation down.” And acting defence force chief, Air Marshal Mark Binskin, backed the PM, saying the deaths had not made Australia’s commitment waver. But the attack will have come as a blow to troops on the ground, who have been forced to increase security, carrying loaded weapons at all times on base. John Cantwell, excommander of Australian troops in Afghanistan, said it will effect the entire purpose: ”At the heart of their mission, training the Afghan army, is the idea of trust, and if that is eroded, the mission is therefore eroded and put at risk.”

SPECIAL FORCES THEIR ROLE QUESTIONED The deaths of two special services soldiers killed in a helicopter crash in Helmand province have reignited the debate as to whether the SAS are baring too much of the brunt of the fighting in Afghanistan. Of the 35 Aussie military personnel killed in the war since 2002, 18 have been in the special forces. Military experts put this down to the nature of operations. Vietnam veteran and Victoria Cross recipient Keith Payne said: “The type of operation being conducted at the moment isn’t one where you are attacking an enemy defensive position. “We’re doing specialised operations to take out key enemy people. So we’ve got to have these key people on the ground all the time.” Chief of the Defense Force, David Hurley, said all the evidence currently available suggested the helicopter crash was an accident.

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SPORTNEWS

@tntmagazine

SHEEDY BACK FOR ANOTHER YEAR AFL Greater Western Sydney have kept their coaching dream team of Kevin Sheedy (above) and Mark Williams intact for 2013. And with the AFL’s newest club having largely exceeded expectations in their debut season, 64-year-old Sheedy has not ruled out the prospect of remaining in the top job even longer. Giants chief executive David Matthews said it had been a unanimous decision to reappoint the four-time Essendon premiership coach for another year, with Williams – who coached Port Adelaide to their only AFL flag in 2004 – also staying put as his senior assistant. “There’s no bigger figure in Australian football than Kevin Sheedy,” Matthews said. “He’s a great figure with great values, an icon of the game and a visionary.”

FANNING FINALLY WINS AT TEAHUPO’O SURFING World surfing championship leader Mick Fanning staged a remarkable come-from-behind performance to defeat fellow Australian Joel Parkinson in the final of the Billabong Pro in Teahupo’o Tahiti. It’s the second time Fanning has pulled out a clutch performance in a final this year. The 31-year-old held his nerve to overcome a perfect 10 from Slater at Bells Beach in April to clinch one of surfing’s greatest-ever heats. Teahupo’o was a crucial piece of silverware missing from Fanning’s glittering career. The Pipeline Masters in Hawaii is now the only major event title that eludes him. “I’m just super stoked,” he said. 52

Two athletes from Portugal soak up the atmosphere at the Paralympic Games Opening Ceremony. We’ve no idea who they are, but if you do, send us their names, plus 100 words on why you’ve enjoyed the Games so far to letters@tntmagazine.com. The best letter wins an amazing three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker Adventures

NZ MAORI TO TOUR UK IN NOVEMBER

BIG WEEK FOR ...

RUGBY UNION

With this week’s World Cup qualifier against Moldova (Friday, 7pm. ITV) the pressure goes on Roy Hodgson. After being given little time to prepare for the Euros, England’s manager wasn’t bogged down with expectations, but a poor showing against the Eastern Europeans will start the fans agitating. Hodgson’s assembled a good squad: a solid serving of experience seasoned with an exciting crop of young players, but things always look good on paper. His challenge will be firstly to win; secondly, to get his combinations firing; and thirdly, to do it in style. Easier said than done, but England are ranked third in the world. Moldova are 137th.

The Maori All Blacks will take on Leicester Tigers, Canada and a RFU Championship select XV in a three-match November tour of the UK. New Zealand Rugby Union chief executive Steve Tew said: “The Maori All Blacks have been an important part of New Zealand’s rugby history and this UK tour reflects a NZRU commitment to a meaningful programme for the Maori All Blacks.” The words ‘All Blacks’ were added to the team’s name this year, as the NZRU seeks to convert the world champion national side’s appeal into cash to raise funds for all levels of the game in NZ.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK They think he’s just some hooligan from up north. He is anything but. He’s a gentleman Andy Carroll obviously has a big fan in England teammate Joe Hart

Ma’a Nonu on the charge

PREVIEW Los Pumas ready to rumble RUGBY CHAMPIONSHIP NZ V ARGENTINA SAT, 8AM. SKY SPORTS 1 Can anyone stop the All Blacks? After they demolished Australia 22-0 at Eden Park a fortnight ago, running the Wallabies off the park with a scintillating brand of rugby, talk abounds of an ‘unbeaten season’. Such conjecture, however, is an insult to Los Pumas who arrive in Wellington this week. All Blacks fans would do well to remember the ferocity with which the Argentinians played in the World Cup

quarterfinal last year, scaring NZ before giving way in the final 20 minutes. Thsi time, Los Pumas are on a high after their 15-15 draw with the Springboks two weeks ago, a result that silenced anyone doubting they had the quality to compete. As a result, the All Blacks will be preparing for an onslaught as Argentina’s men mountains continue their good form, seeking to dominate the forward battles in an effort to prevent NZ getting quick ball to their exciting backline. Across the Tasman, Australia hosts South Africa (Sat,11am. Sky Sports 1).

THE CHAT | Australian Open boycott?

The player never arrived because of reckless and arrogant actions of other clubs, which have nothing to do with the values of honesty, fair play and sporting ethics Fiorentina Football Club criticises Dimitar Berbatov after he received more attractive offers ... from Juventus, and then Fulham

Courage becomes greater through a wound Wayne Rooney gets philosphical (via a T-shirt), reassuring fans he’ll be OK, despite suffering a nasty cut to his thigh

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

TENNIS heard some of the top men’s tennis Q I’ve players are muttering about not playing at Melbourne next year. What’s the deal? leading players have long been unhappy they only A The see less than 20 per cent of the revenue from the biggest tournaments, substantially less than in other sports. The main issue is the rewards for players who lose in the early rounds. Travel costs to Melbourne and other expenses incurred by players mean even those in the top 100 often struggle break even. Andy Murray (right) revealed the issue was raised at a player meeting earlier this year. “It was pretty brutal. Everyone was speaking up. The whole tour was kind of together – they still are. Who knows what’s going to happen?”

US Open Day Eight Can the Aussie contingent hang in? Mon, 4pm. British Eurosport

CRICKET England v South Africa Fifth ODI action. Wed, 1.30pm. Sky Sports 2

FORMULA ONE Italian Grand Prix All eyes on Mark Webber Sun, 11.30am. Sky Sports F1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Game on We examine four of the most interesting Paralympic sports WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

Olympic 400m silver medallist Christine Oguruhuru was spot on when she claimed it was wrong Paralympians looked up to her. Olympians, she said, should instead place their less able colleagues on a pedestal. “They’ve always had to fight against society telling them what they can and can’t do with their lives,” Oguruhuru explained. “They’ve had to fight a lot to get to where they’ve got to. They’ve already fought the hardest battle.” Great words. But thankfully for the rest of the world, there’s plenty of tough Paralympic battles still to be fought at London 2012 as the athletes bust a gut to win gold. Along the way, there’s a host of new names, new faces, new sports and new rules for spectators to learn. Here, we give you the top four events you should keep an eye out for as the Paralympians continue to shove a big finger up at anyone who tries to impose limits on them. That’s the spirit.

Goalball WHAT: Silence is golden in this sport, as its blind participants rely on their hearing to prevent the 1.25kg ball, embedded with bells, from entering their goal. It’s a quick game – only 10 seconds are allowed for each shot – with the ball sometimes reaching speeds of 80km/h (that’s faster than Usain Bolt). Players lie on the ground to give themselves more chance of stopping the ball, however they stand to hurl it. Some use the technique of a ten-pin bowler; more flamboyant exponents employ a spin before releasing. Top players can achieve spin with their throws, while others use a bounce technique to fool opposition. The best even have a curve ball in their armoury. Each team features three players and all six wear darkened eyeshades. But to make sure there’s no chance of sight, athletes don eyepatches underneath in case the shades are inadvertently knocked off. Touching the shades at any stage, unless instructed to, is considered an infraction of the rules 56

and will penalised. Penalties – also incurred by excessive noise, delay, being out of area – are defended by only one player. A tough ask, considering the goal measures nine metres wide – hard enough sighted, let alone impaired. WHO: Stay aware of athletic 17-year-old Team GB star Adam Knott, whose preparation includes going shopping with his parents while blindfolded, a method he says heightens his spatial awareness.

Wheelchair rugby WHAT: This event sold out fast, so if you haven’t got tickets, you’ll be watching on TV. Wheelchair rugby gained mass appeal due to the 2005 American film Murderball and is arguably the Games’ most popular sport due to its physical, fast-moving nature. In the sport, a player with the ball must bounce or pass it within 10 seconds, and a team has 40 seconds to score or they must relinquish possession. For a point to be scored, both an athlete’s wheels must cross the goalline when they are in possession of the ball. Physical contact between wheelchairs is a massive part of the game, but it’s illegal to strike from behind. Contact between players is not allowed. Athletes must have a loss of function in both their upper and lower limbs and are assigned a points ranking from 0.5 (least function) to 3.5 (most function). Each team can only field eight points at one time. WHO: Australia’s Ryley Batt is considered the game’s top exponent. He’s a physical machine who the Aussies will rely on to take them to the gold medal they just missed out at Beijing 2008.

Boccia WHAT: The most tactical of the 20 Paralympic sports, Boccia (it rhymes with ‘gotcha’) features athletes throwing leather ball as close as they can to a leather jack. Players also throw

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Clockwise: David Smith; goalball; and Ryley Batt

with the aim of knocking their opponents’ balls as far away from the jack as possible. The sport requires muscle control and players must be in a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy or other related locomotor conditions. The balls can be moved with hands and feet, or, if the player’s disability is particularly severe, with a device, such as a ramp. At the end of every round, during which each player tosses six balls, the ref measures the distance of the balls closest to the jack, and players score one point for each one closer to the jack than the opponent’s closest ball. WHO: Team GB’s David Smith won a team gold at Beijing and also triumphed at the 2007 world champs and 2011 European champs. The 23-year-old is well on his way to becoming a master of the sport, teaching it to the next generation at his Swansea base.

Photos: Getty

Guided athletics WHAT: In sports such as sprinting, blind or partially sighted athletes will utilise the services of a guide. T11 runners always require a helper, T12’s can elect not to have one. The pair are tethered together at the wrist and guides run in front of their charge, letting them know how far they are along the track, if a bend is coming up or whether they need to pick up the pace. An excellent level of fitness is also required by the guide; men usually guide women so they can keep up, such are the athletes’ abilities. Having a guide is far harder than it sounds. Both need to be in sync the whole race and variations in pace can be costly. Crucial, too, is the finish: the guide must not cross the line before the competitor. Such an infraction means instant disqualification and four years of training wasted. WHO: Team GB’s Libby Clegg and her guide Mikail Huggins (main image), won the 100 and 200m at the European champs in June. London’s the first time guides get medals, so Huggins has a little extra motivation – not that he’ll need it.

NO BOOSTING GAMES’ HIDDEN SHAME Boosting, known medically as induced autonomic dysreflexia, is an illegal practice in which athletes cause themselves physical pain to heighten adrenaline levels and aid output. In able-bodied athletes, intense physical exercise automatically raises the heart rate and blood pressure. However, athletes with a severe spinal cord injury don’t get that natural boost. There have been reports that in order to produce a rapid rise in blood pressure, some Paralympians use extreme measures such as breaking bones, strangling testicles and enduring electric shocks. More subdued methods include the use of tight leg straps or causing pain by filling the bladder to capacity. At London 2012, Paralympic officials will be checking athletes for evidence of boosting, including the common method of breaking toes.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Dismiss? What to do with a problem called KP?

Time has come to dismiss the problem child for good Kevin Pietersen should be dropped, permanently

» Should Pietersen be dropped for good? letters@tntmagazine.com 58

The most expensive English player in the Premier League, Andy Carroll, is on the move again, this time from Liverpool to West Ham. But time is running out for the young striker to prove himself. Swapping the Tyne for Merseyside in 2009 was a major case of WTF transfer deadline panic buying. That he repaid this inordinate amount of cash with a paltry eleven goals came as little surprise. He wanted to fight for his place this season at Anfield, but new boss Brendan Rodgers had other ideas, and Carroll wasn’t in them. In stepped Sam Allardyce to snag the

“

Carroll needs to prove himself soon

”

striker on a season-long loan at first, with an option to buy him outright at season’s end – for £17m. The gulf between this fee and his 2009 move shows how far he’s dropped in estimations since, and he’ll need to prove himself soon before he’s known for little more than that record-breaking fee.

Photos: Getty

Andrew Strauss has called time on his cricket career, drawing to a close one of English cricket’s most successful periods (retaining the Ashes Down Under, lest we forget). It also brings into focus the ongoing problems surrounding Kevin Pietersen, a tricky issue to circumnavigate for new skipper Alastair Cook. What to do with a player who has demonstrable natural ability, but who remains, despite warnings and prior incident, an unsettling force in the team? KP’s someone that can single-handedly win a match, but whose showboating, eye for the limelight, and dogged refusal to tow the line, can undermine with damaging consequences. As a player, Pietersen’s just as likely to reign at the crease with hundreds on the board as he is to drop for a golden duck. The only thing he can be relied on for is unreliability. Having his captainship withdrawn in 2009, and the debate that surrounded his relationship with the team and superiors as a result, did little to diminish his stubbornness. Last month’s revelations of ‘provocative’ texts to South African opposition concerning his teammates, captain included, came as little surprise from someone who is, in many external points of view, only ever interested in number one. You need look no further than the riotous scenes that greeted his first ball dismissal at the Rose Bowl in August as Hampshire fans delighted in seeing their former member come unstuck most spectacularly. While Strauss’s resignation has been attributed to his poor form in recent months – he posted an average of 17.83 in six innings against South Africa this summer despite being England’s ninth highest all time scorer – the relationship between him and Pietersen is likely to have played more than a small part in his decision to quit last week. Cook has voiced his intent to be part of the KP discussions, but for many there is only one course of action to be taken – drop for good a player whose many negative attributes outweigh his gleaming moments of inspiration.

TIME’S RUNNING OUT FOR CARROLL

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Scanbalt Experience

The expert on budget travel in Scandinavia, The Baltics and Russia

ROUND TRIPS 2012 - 2013 (Autumn, winter and spring 2012-2013)

LAPLAND

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9 Days LAPLAND CHRISTMAS TOUR ¤680 Stockholm-Kiruna-Inari-Rovaniemi-Helsinki Have a white Christmas, do amazing activities and look for the Northern Lights!

7 Days MAGIC LAPLAND ADVENTURE from ¤400* Enjoy the best of Swedish Lapland during a week packed with unique experiences north of the arctic circle! This tour departs December-March!

LAPLAND SPECIAL with JOKKMOKK MARKET from ¤400* This trip is partly the same as the 7 days Magic Lapland Adventure but it also includes the Jokkmokk market. That is a unique event where the sami people from all over Lapland come to participate in the festivities.

ff* o % 10 E P O R U E N R E RUSSIA & EAST 7 Days RUSSIAN NEW YEAR’S TOUR from ¤480* Helsinki-Petersburg-Moscow-Tallinn Have a great New Year’s tour in a wintry Russia and celebrate Sylvester on the Red Square in Moscow (This tour can be combinated with the Lapland Christmas Tour)

8 Days BALALAIKA AND VODKA TOUR from ¤345* Stockholm-Tallinn-St Petersburg-Helsinki-Stockholm Visa Free Russia visit and only travel with overnight ferries between four top cities! This trip will depart September-April (including Easter). *Get 10 % off on the tours above when using TNT as campaign code when booking before Sept 15th

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RED SEA Unfortunate revellers get buried in squashed tomato gunge at this year’s La Tomatina food fight festival in Buñol, Spain.

Photos: Dan Thorne/ TNT; Daisy Carrington; Getty

INSIDE

GREAT SCOT /64

FIGHT CLUB /76

FREE WHEELING /82

Take on Scotland’s wild beauty by mountain bike, sea kayak and canoe, via a few local ales and a kilt-modelling session.

We swing our sword at gladiator school and delve into the deepest parts of the Colosseum to discover Rome’s gruesome past.

Always up for a challenge, TNT cycles from Georgia to Armenia, where we make lots of new friends and commit unintentional arson. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

@tntmagazine

That’ll teach you for stealing his lunch

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

PARK LIFE Good on Brad and Ange for choosing the Lake District for a holiday with their sizeable brood this summer. The Hollywood power couple are to brave the English weather for a few days in the Lakes, if the Daily Mirror is to be believed. It might be a slightly less glamorous proposition than the usual celeb haunts (say, private Caribbean islands or hanging with George Clooney at Lake Como), but it’s no less beautiful round those parts, if a bit muddier (note to Brangelina: pack sensible shoes).

Watch the flab fly at one of only six professional sumo tournaments held each year (different to display tournaments, which don’t affect 9-23 a sumo wrestler’s ranking). Aki Basho, held every September, lasts for 15 days and pits Japan’s top fighters against each other at the National Sumo Hall (Ryogoku Kokugikan), where intense bouts are fought in the ring (or dohyo). SEP

WHY: The six-tournament system was established in 1958 and is taken very seriously by the Sumo Association. Wrestlers live in communal training stables where they adhere to strict regimes and traditions and, as such, these tournaments represent everything they’ve been working towards.

DO IT BECAUSE: The charged atmosphere as the fighters grapple for glory takes some beating. But as well as enjoying the surreal sight of near-naked dudes scrapping, you can also chalk it up as a cultural experience, as sumo dates back hundreds of years.

CALIFORNIA BEER FESTIVAL

WORLD GURNING CHAMPIONSHIPS

The craft beer scene is huge Stateside, with California 15-16 an epicentre for the most exciting experimental brews to be borne of the trend. Mission Park, Ventura will offer more than 130 top-quality craft beers on tap, with a ‘blues BBQ’ and gourmet burgers to help soak ‘em up. Get a headstart on that beer belly.

Held annually at the Egremont Crab Fair, this 15 ‘sporting event’ challenges competitors to stick their head in a horse collar and make the ugliest face possible. The most disturbing facial contortions – there are separate male and female categories – will win the coveted title of world champion.

California, US SEP

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Egremont, Cumbria SEP

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HUMAN RACE FESTIVAL OF SPORT

KING’S CUP ELEPHANT POLO

Enjoy a slew of mass participation sporting events, 14-16 from triathlons to openwater swimming, at this stunning site.

Polo is made infinitely more entertaining with the 12-16 addition of gargantuan animals and a tropical setting.

St Michael’s Mount, Cornwall SEP

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Hua Hin, Thailand SEP

anantaraelephantpolo.com

Photos: Getty

It’s easy to forget that the UK, home to a modest landscape when held up to some of the world’s wonders, has a collection of truly magnificent national parks. Oh, it might not have lions and cheetahs like Masai Mara or a ruddy great canyon like, er, the Grand Canyon, but there is a wealth of genuinely breathtaking scenery up and down this isle. Make the effort to escape the urban sprawls and you’ll be surprised by what’s tucked away in unmolested corners – and how radically different they feel from the UK you thought you knew. Take the number-one pick in our British National Parks feature on P70. The Cairngorms in Scotland is more akin to Canada than anything I’ve ever seen in the UK, and is just a train ride away. Go up there and I guarantee you’ll be gaping openmouthed at the scenery. When a friend and I visited last March, we must have said “this is amazing” 100 times between us. We were rendered inarticulate dunces by its sheer spectacle. There was only room to choose TNT’s five favourite parks, but there are many more sweeps of spirit-lifting green valleys (example: Dartmoor) and wild mountains (think Brecon Beacons) we couldn’t squeeze in. Don’t miss them.

AKI BASHO SUMO TOURNAMENT Tokyo, Japan

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TRAVEL ON TUESDAY

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Tuesday is the cheapest day to fly out of the UK, according to a new study by consumer watchdog Which? The research found tickets could be up to 35 per cent cheaper if holidaymakers chose to fly out midweek, while flying back home on a Sunday could be almost 50 per cent more expensive than other tickets. Trying to secondguess prices can be tricky, however – the study also discovered that different airlines offered cheaper tickets at differing times of day. For example, British Airways’ cheapest flights tended to take off before 7.30am, but easyJet’s most expensive flew between 5.45am and 11am. The lesson? Shop around, people.

Fly easyJet on a Tuesday for the cheapest tickets

BRITS CAN BE HAPPY

FLIGHT FOOD FARCE

The generally accepted view that the Brits are a bunch of grumps is only partially correct, according to TripAdvisor. Because once the Pommies escape from their own damp environment and go on holiday, they’re happy as that Larry fella. Brits post more positive reviews on the travel forum than almost any other nationality, awarding an average 4.1 out of five to hotels, TripAdvisor said. Their mood is only outdone by the South Africans, who lavish 4.22 out of five on their holidays. The biggest gripers are the Malaysians, apparently, who award a paltry 3.8 on average. Who’d have thunk it?

Buying lunch on a Ryanair flight can end up costing more than the plane ticket, new research has found. Price comparison website travelsupermarket.com reported that treating yourself to basic items in-flight – a cup of tea, a sandwich, a tin of Pringles, a Kit Kat, a bottle of water and a glass of wine – would rack up a bill of £18.07, which is more than the £18 price tag on flights to Genoa, Warsaw and Paris. The website also claimed that tea and coffee could cost 2355 per cent more on budget airlines than they would in a supermarket. Low-cost carriers overcharging for food? News, indeed.

BEATLES BUMMER A recent boom in Beatles tourism in Liverpool has ticked off the people who live in or near former homes of the Fab Four. One 74-yearold, who lives at George Harrison’s birthplace, complained that hundreds of tour taxis “come zooming up the street” at all hours, while another disgruntled resident who lives next door to Paul McCartney’s childhood home called the hordes of tourists turning up in tribute to their heroes “incredibly annoying”. Maybe happiness would be a warm gun in this case? Liverpool City Council said it was looking into how to balance the needs of fans and residents.

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Urquhart Castle: the crumbling ruins at Loch Ness

Great Glen

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Inverness

Fort Augustus

SCOTLAND Fort William

SCOTLAND Edinburgh

GETTING THERE easyJet flies from London Gatwick to Inverness twice daily from £22.99 each way. easyjet.com Local buses travel from Inverness to Fort William regularly. travelinescotland.com

Check out the Eagle Barge Inn, a converted barge pub/ restaurant that serves filling nosh and seafood platters from £7. greatglenway.com/eateries The Loch Ness Inn in Drumnadrochit caters to a more upmarket palate with traditional Scottish and posh contemporary cuisine. Mains from £8.95. staylochness.co.uk The go-to pub for weary hikers in Fort William is the Grog and Gruel. Offering a wide selection of single malt whiskys, main meals starting from £5 and local ales. grogandgruel.co.uk Sit by the canal and have a few ciders at The Lock Inn in Fort Augustus near the edge of Loch Ness. Pints from about £3. fortaugustus.net Berkeley House B&B is a friendly, family-run guesthouse in Fort William, just a short walk from town. Rooms from £35pppn. visitscotland.com

Taking five: there are plenty of spots to rest 64

Morag’s Lodge in Fort Augustus, minutes away from the shore of Loch Ness, boasts a bar stocked with local organic ales. Dorm beds from £20pn, twin rooms from £48pn. Bonus: serves an allyou-can-eat breakfast for £2.75. moragslodge.com

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UKTRIP

Great Scot We take on Scotland’s wild beauty by mountain bike, sea kayak and canoe, via a few local ales and a kilt-modelling session

Photos: TNT; Britainonview.com, Thinkstock

WORDS DAN THORNE

Floating on the inky black water of Loch Ness, surrounded by majestic pine-tree-covered hills in a grandiose landscape that makes my tour group’s small fleet of sea kayaks feel tiny and insignificant, I can’t think of anywhere else in the world I’d rather be. Onshore, an otter pokes his head above the rocks, watching as we paddle past – a rare appearance from the typically shy characters. “It’s a wee little Nessie,” our tour leader Stephen jokes in his soft Scottish brogue. “You’ll not be gettin’ yer money back now!” During the past few days we’ve been making our way along the Great Glen – a faultline that cuts right across the stunning Scottish Highlands – by mountain bike, canoe and kayak. As a seasoned deskbound mouse-clicker, I’ve been anticipating this trip with trepidation. Following years of gym-dodging, I’m nervous about how my clapped-out carcass will hold up. So when I’m first introduced to my fellow travellers and spot a guy wearing a ‘New York Athletic Club’ T-shirt, I’m convinced I’ll be left in the dust. But it turns out that Dan, a US teacher from a tough inner-city Philadelphia school who is here with his girlfriend, Kate, was given the T-shirt as a gift. Phew. Our journey begins in Fort William, situated between the mighty Ben Nevis mountain and Loch Linnhe. It’s a mecca for hikers and outdoor types, with more adventure-gear shops than you can shake a walking pole at, and it has a number of cosy pubs offering live music, from rock cover bands to traditional ceilidh groups. We meet our instructor, Stephen, and, health declarations signed, hop on to mountain bikes and pedal along the Caledonian Canal, constructed in the 19th century and linking all the lochs along the Great Glen. After a leisurely cycle breaks us in gently, we take things up a notch and plunge into pine forests, tearing along dirt tracks through beautiful moss-carpeted woodland, down steep hills and over bridges – all in brilliant sunshine. Our other trip instructor, Rosie, an English lassie who moved here a few years ago and “missed my friends, moved back down south, then missed the mountains and came back,” has been driving our gear around and meets us on the edge of picturesque Loch Lochy, with tents already set up. That evening, we pile into a floating pub moored at

the South Laggan locks for dinner. We play Chase The Ace, swipe at midges and swap riddles until the cards are blown overboard in a sudden gust of wind. Day two and we’re paddling two-man canoes from South Laggan along a canal. I sit up front, as Stephen steers and points out historic spots along the way. The stories are typical of Scotland’s brutal history, involving mass beheadings and burned-down castles. It all seems so incongruous in this peaceful, near-untouched landscape. After lunch, we head downstream to Morag’s Lodge in Fort Augustus, on the edge of Loch Ness, where there are great local organic ales and

“

We plunge into forests and tear along tracks

”

a pile of kilts to try on when the booze kicks in. The next day brings a misty morning and foggy heads from excessive ale consumption, but we head out on to Loch Ness in solo sea kayaks. It’s hard work, although Scotland’s understated beauty more than makes up for it – and, despite my misgivings that I wouldn’t be up to the task, I hold my own without collapsing in a crying heap or capsizing. When we eventually reach the ruins of Urquhart Castle – “the Scots blew it up to stop the English from stealing it back,” Stephen says – we’re all exhausted, but in good spirits. The next morning, we get helmeted up for the final canoe ride down the River Ness. The rain lashes down for the first time as thunder growls above. At one particularly tricky juncture, Kate and Dan’s canoe spins around and they head down the rapids backwards, screaming and laughing. It’s been one hell of a ride. ❚ Dan travelled with Haggis Adventures on the 4-day Great Glen Adventure trip, which costs £395pp. Special thanks to Active Outdoor Pursuits. haggisadventures.com

NEXT WEEK Wheely good fun: Cycling the 100-mile South Downs Way

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LATEDEALS

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A seven-day round trip around Spain from Madrid is £329pp with Busabout

DEAL OF THE WEEK HUNGARY FOR A DEAL

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RUSSIA A six-day Highlights of Russia tour is now £284pp (saving 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Visiting St Petersburg and Moscow. Includes accommodation, four breakfasts and tour guides. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by September 16; departs October 6. DUBAI Three nights in Dubai is £489pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes B&B accommodation at the five-star Movenpick Ibn Battuta Gate and flights from London Heathrow. Book by September 6, valid for travel until September 10. SPAIN A seven-day round trip from Madrid is £329pp (save £140) with Busabout (08450 267576; busabout.com). Includes guide, accommodation, orientation walks in each town. Excludes flights. Departs on September 8.

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

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VENICE A two-night trip is £175pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation at the La Forcola hotel and flights from London Stansted. Departs September 12. EGYPT A nine-day tour is now £159pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Cairo, Pyramids, Sphinx, Edfu Temple and more. Includes accommodation, some meals, guides and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by September 16. Departs January 12, 19 and 26 2013. KRAKOW A two-day trip is £115pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, roomonly accommodation at the Ostoya Palace hotel and flights from London Stansted. Departs September 25. OKTOBERFEST A three-night camping package is £99pp with PP Travel (020 79309999; pptravel. com). Includes transfers to the fest, daily breakfast and tours to Dachau and Andechs. Valid for any three days during the world’s biggest beerfest, which runs from September 22 to October 7. MAJORCA A seven-night trip is £209pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at Club Bellevue Apartments in Alcudia and flights. Departs October 9.

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Hustle and bustle Cities can be chaotic places to travel through, let alone compose a great still shot. To get a shot representative of the ebb and flow of city life, it’s important to take a step back and make a note of the scenery around you. Motion blur is your friend when it comes to traffic light trails, people on their morning commute

and other moving subjects. Use a long exposure, set the ISO to the light conditions and use a tripod to keep everything else sharp. Panning is another great way to capture moving subjects. To do this set your aperture between f11-f22 and expose for 1/60 or less. Keep your camera moving at the same speed as your subject.

WINNER A NEW YORK MINUTE Ilana Sallick, Sydney, Australia

WHY IT WORKS The iconic New York taxicab drives through the foreground in focus, cutting through the crowds of pedestrians, advertising boards and buildings. New York’s Times Square is said to be ‘the crossroads of the world’, but the most visited tourist attraction on earth loses out to the humble mechanical workhorse. The photographer has managed to successfully pan across the scene at the same speed as the cab to create this stunning visual effect.

RUNNER-UP THE BULL Dave Grapes, New Zealand

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS A rare image in the days of digital photography, the fuzzy view has been achieved by using a disposable film camera. The blur of the whole scene, the beige mixing with the white and red dots of the attendees’ uniform, denotes the frantic activity surrounding the photographer. In this situation the risk of being trampled is extremely high! A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

BRITISH NATIONAL PARKS

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CAIRNGORMS, SCOTLAND

National parks show off the blessings of a country’s natural good looks: they represent a nation at its rawest, non-architecturally-enhanced best. Visitors are wilfully awed by epic landscapes as unique beauty is flaunted the world over. From the red depths of the Grand Canyon to the creaking glaciers of New Zealand’s Fjordland, you might expect Britain’s modest wilderness to be an uneven match for world heavyweights. But explore the length of this small island (about 600 miles from Land’s End to John O’Groats) and you’ll find rugged peaks, rushing waterfalls and sweeping forests enough to spark flutters in your chest. The Cairngorms National Park – Britain’s largest – is perhaps most impressive. Snow-coated mountains ring a serene spread of still, clear lochs and thick Caledonian pine forest. Five of Scotland’s six highest peaks are found here and the 4528sqkm of land couldn’t be better suited to outdoors action. In winter, it’s skiing and husky-sledding; other seasons 70 00

bring mountain-biking and climbing, kayaking and rafting, river tubing and zip-lining … the opportunities for adventure are endless. Thanks to its world-class surrounds, the Cairngorms is home to a committed community of folk who spend their days running amok in the fresh air, and their evenings rewarding these efforts with a few ales and a wee dram in characteristically cosy pubs. The Cairngorms is a lifestyle as much as it is an amazing photo opportunity – and most who get a taste of Cairngorms life have a tough time trying to leave. While this national park’s beauty simply cannot be overstated, it has a rich history, too. Remnants of Celt and Pict settlements from as far back as the 10th century are scattered across its moors and grasslands – and what would a Scot landscape be without a few crumbling castles? Don’t leave Britain without seeing the Cairngorms – otherwise you’ve not really seen Britain at all. cairngorms.co.uk

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NORFOLK BROADS, ENGLAND

Quaint England at its picturepostcard best, the Norfolk Broads are a collection of placid lakes and rivers, the banks dotted with fairytale windmills and reed beds, all flanked by flat fields of green. The quintessential setting for a barge holiday, many of the broads are artificial creations, produced when medieval peat beds flooded. The result is a picturesque network of navigable waterways – and a place on our list.

Photos: Visit Wales; Getty; British Tourist Authority; Thinkstock; Tom Riby

broads-authority.gov.uk

BRITISH NATIONAL PARKS

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SNOWDONIA, WALES

The mountain scenery in Snowdonia, northwest Wales, steals the breath. From the looming might of the Snowdon Massif (at more than 3000ft high), to the isolated serenity of Llyn Llydaw lake (an ice-blue calm amid jagged drama), you’ll be stunned into admiring silence. While many come to conquer the big one – Snowdon is the highest point in the British Isles outside Scotland – there are lakes, woodlands and valleys to explore if you’ve no head for heights. eryri-npa.gov.uk

TOP FIVE

LAKE DISTRICT, ENGLAND

Pretty enough to inspire not just poetry, but an entire collection of ‘Lake Poets’ (including William Wordsworth and Samuel Taylor Coleridge), the UK’s secondlargest national park boasts England’s highest mountain, Scafell Pike, and its longest lake, Windermere. So scenic you actually catch yourself shaking your head in wonderment, don’t miss Catbells fell, the preposterously handsome hills that reflect resplendently

PEAK DISTRICT, ENGLAND

The simple splendour of Derbyshire’s natural wonder is its allure. This is a beauty without bells and whistles; no highest mountains or longest lakes here. Instead, acres of green hills and valleys spread out in the very definition of English idyll. It’s the archetypal ‘green and pleasant land’. Add to this picture caves, cliffs, rivers, and purple-heather-coated moors, and you’ve an adventure playground suited to all. The Peak District isn’t just for looking. Get involved.

NEXT WEEK Making a splash: We reveal the best lakes around

peakdistrict.gov.uk

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TRAVELTIPS

French fancy: catch your last surf of the summer in Biarritz

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free Wi-Fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ billpayers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning on a two-week holiday in Q I’m Southeast Asia en route back home to

heard good things about Biarritz, Q I’ve so was thinking of getting one last

Aus. I’ve done Thailand before, so this time I want to go somewhere different but still with beaches and culture. Where would you recommend? Darren, via email

weekend of surfing in before the winter. Is it easy to get to? Are there good places to stay on a budget? What else is there to do besides surfing? Stuart, via email

offers everything you’re looking for. A Bali There are incredible beaches, as well as

fly direct with Ryanair, and the airport in Biarritz is just 3km from the centre of town. Hop on bus 6 (every half an hour) to reach it. The bad news is that it’s not the cheapest of French resorts, but visiting out of season will reduce prices by 25 per cent. One of the cheapest options will be the local youth hostel, where you can bunk up in a dorm for £20pn. If you want something a little more stylish, go for the Hotel Mirano (hotelmirano.fr), a Seventies-style boutique hotel with doubles starting from £53. Whilst Biarritz’s biggest draw is undoubtedly its surf, until mid-September you can watch live cesta punta (a Basque sport, like squash but played with baskets) at the Parc des Sports d’Aguiléra complex. There’s more to experience in the area beyond the town. North of Biarritz is Les Landes, a wilderness of pine forests and lakes – great for walking. Visit the nearby fishing port of St Jean de Luz, a quintessential seaside port complete with narrow streets and lots of great seafood restaurants. You can also try out an alternative surfing spot at the nearby town of Hossegor, 20 miles north.

FILL UP AT FOUNTAINS How to save those precious pennies whilst enjoying Rome: no need to buy numerous bottles of juice – you can re-fill your water at the many public fountains scattered around the city. Found mostly at big tourist locations, they serve some welcome refreshment – especially in a city where temperatures can (and do) soar! Emilie-Louise Purdie, via email JUMP THE COLOSSEUM QUEUE Colosseum ticket lines are long even first thing in the morning during the peak months. Make sure you pre-book a ticket through your hotel or another source. You will be given fast-tracked entrance with little or no queuing. Bernard Yu, via email

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

WIN

Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Biarritz Tourisme

world-class surfing at Kuta and the neighbouring resort of Legian in the southwest of the island. This huge swath of coast also boasts a massive tourist metropolis of hotels, restaurants and surf schools. For something a little more relaxed, hop on a two-hour ferry east across the Bali Sea to the nearby Gili Islands (gilicat.com), where coral-fringed waters offer brilliant snorkelling. Each island has its own distinct personality: Gili Trawangan is a tropical party paradise with bars blasting out reggae tunes until the early hours; Gili Air is a stylish, laidback alternative with boutique beach bungalows; and Gili Meno is the ultimate island paradise with few tourist amenities, no cars and only 400 inhabitants. In Bali, you will also find a wealth of temples, local art and dance to add some culture to your trip. The Hindu temple of Pura Luhur Uluwatu, south of Kuta, is one of the most impressive owing to its clifftop position. In the centre of the island is Ubud, the cultural heart of Bali. A number of temples host Balinese dance displays in the evening. One of the most unique temples is Pura Taman Saraswati, where small lakes overflowing with lotus blossoms decorate the temple.

good news is Biarritz is a really easy A The destination to reach from London. You can

READERS’ TIPS ON ... ROME

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

MANAROLA, CINQUE TERRE, ITALY Kristy Deller, from Australia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

MAX BRASLAVSKY, 20

LUCAS SANTOS, 23

Manchester, England

São Paulo, Brazil

BEST I spent two months in Ghana last summer. I was teaching in a school there and they were all really appreciative. Everyone’s very friendly and it’s just a completely different culture.

Scariest travel experience? In Africa, I was riding in a truck on dirt roads in the middle of the desert. We crashed and there were no hospitals or clinics around. I honestly thought some people were going to die. But it all worked out, thank god. Ever get a tropical disease? Malaria, but it’s not so bad. You go to the clinic and get treated and it’s all right. Top travel tip? Speak English. People speak it everywhere you go. It makes things easier.

WORST Having to sleep on the floor in Palma airport. We didn’t have a room at the hotel for the last night and got bored, so we went to the airport to sleep. We’d spent seven days straight drinking, so the floor wasn’t fun. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

POSH TURKEY Snap up a luxury holiday with your mates in Turkey at Exclusive Escapes’ private villa on the Bay of Kalkan. Sleeps 10. Seven nights is £1200pp for the first two people sharing, and £550pp for each additional guest (020 86053500; exclusiveescapes.co.uk). Includes flights, a Turkish bath, welcome hamper, daily cleaning and car hire. Valid throughout October.

THE INSIDER

MARCO BARCELLA Trip Leader Discover Adventure

My first big trip was when I flew to Hanoi in Vietnam as a 22-year-old university graduate. I took my bike and spent four months riding 5000km through Vietnam, Laos, Thailand and Cambodia. It changed my life completely. My favourite place in the world is ... I don’t have one. Good memories and great times are down to the people you’re with and what you’re doing, not where you are. The next trip on my travel wishlist is Antarctica. I love how remote and harsh the environment is, but at the same time it’s such a spectacular and beautiful place. I always pack dry bags. The first time your bag gets soaked and you have to put on wet kit on a cold morning will be the last time you travel without dry bags. My top travel tip is don’t refuse a generous offer because you think it’s too good to be true. Stay wise, but keep an open mind and you’ll have the best experiences of your life. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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[Caption] Going underground: tour the cells where Rome’s gladiators were held

Rome ITALY

GETTING THERE Monarch flies to Rome from London Luton with fares, including taxes, starting from £64.99 one way, or £126.99 return. monarch.co.uk

Pisa

ITALY

ROME

Naples

Dark passage: slaves walked these halls to their deaths. Left: in training at the gladiator school [Caption] 76

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Fight club We swing our sword at gladiator school and delve into the deepest parts of the Colosseum to discover Rome’s gruesome past WORDS DAISY CARRINGTON

“Your warrior face is … terrifying.” So I’m told by my sparring partner, Nikki. The effect, I’m sure, is amplified by the fact that I’m barefoot, covered up to my knees in dust, clad in a torn tunic, and wielding a sword (OK, it’s wooden, but I feel badass none-the-less). My instructor, Marcus Valerius, snarls at me. “You’ll get a real sword when you become a gladiator. Now, you’re only a slave. Slave!” I get the point. Marcus, and his partner-in-arms, Hermes, are teachers at Scuola Gladiatori Roma, a one-of-a-kind training centre in Rome dedicated to preserving – through instruction – the fighting techniques used by real gladiators more than 2000 years ago. Back then, the warriors were a mix of prisoners, POWs and impoverished volunteers. Gruesome though these contests were, gladiators who did well earned money and status. Those that did poorly decorated the amphitheatre with their entrails. Before the lessons begin, our group of trainees do a ‘warm up’, which entails running through the type of obstacle course you’d expect to find on The Krypton Factor. Hermes swings a sinister-looking carousel with bars jutting out at neck and knee level. Fearing for my life, I jump and duck as each bar approaches, and curse that no story is worth a concussion or broken kneecap. Miraculously, I don’t get hit, but when I’m done, I’m streaming sweat. It doesn’t help that the heat in Rome is roasting. Finally, we’re each given a sword and shield. Marcus teaches us how to slice a man’s head off, how to gut him and how to make a eunuch of him. He shows us how to block each move with our shields, then lets us loose. As we change back into our civilian clothing, a wave of what look like hairy bikers arrives. These are bonafide members, who hit up the school regularly to practise their gladiator moves. These boys have graduated from playing with wooden sticks, and spar with the long, straight-edged gladius. The more advanced tackle a trident while expertly twirling a net to ensnare enemies. Seeing them makes me wonder about the real lives of these modern-day gladiators; unlike their predecessors, who were slaves battling for their freedom, or else a bit of local fame, these guys are history buffs and re-enactment geeks (albeit with a harder edge). I ask Hermes and Marcus Valerius what their real names are, but they decline to give them to me. As far as they’re concerned, they are their gladiator personas. OK, fine, but

what do they do when they’re not, um, gladiators? Hermes shrugs. “I work in real estate.” The next day, I visit where the action really happened, the Colosseum. My guide, Maria Grazia Barbieri, describes how some gladiators became addicted to the fame, and chose to stay in the job indefinitely. “They’d get recognised on the street,” she adds, putting me in mind of how ex-Apprentice contestants must feel. However, today’s reality TV has nothing on the spectacles that took place here. An audience

“

We learn how to behead and gut a man

”

of 50,000 would gleefully tune in to watch condemned prisoners get disembowelled by wild beasts, or ex-slaves ›› fight to the death.

Terrifying: the writer ‘does’ gladiator TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The amphitheatre’s main floor is, predictably, packed. Luckily for us, few tourists seem to know that for the first time this year, the lower level – where the gladiators waited underneath the stage for their turn to come up – and the upper level (basically, the nosebleed section) are now open to the public, but only with advance booking and a guided tour. As a result, I practically have these bits of the country’s most popular tourist destination to myself. For the first 200 years of the Colosseum’s existence, the only women allowed in were the Vestal Virgins, and these powerful ladies got to watch the proceedings with the Emperor himself (I personally find the ticket prices – a life of chastity – a bit high). Around 200AD, women were allowed to view the battles from the top galleries. Though decrepit, I’m stunned by how much of the Colosseum is intact. At other ruins, I’ll try to visualise an entire palace from a few pieces of stone. This is different, as are the other ancient remnants dotted about Rome, taking the place of the skyscrapers of most modern cities. I can’t help but marvel that Rome is so unchanged. Battle on, soldier. ❚ Gladiator training from £78pp

gsr-roma.com

Ancient sights: Rome’s Spanish Steps

NEXT WEEK Extreme winter sport: we go iceclimbing in France

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

Finding reasonably priced bites near the Colosseum is no easy feat, which is what makes Made in Sud a saving grace. Cheap eats and Neapolitan pizza by the slice make it a winner. (Via di San Giovanni in Laterano, tel. +39 06 7045 4900)

Hostaria da Pietro dishes up excellent hand-cut pastas and swank cuts of beef in a little eatery tucked away in a side street near Piazza del Popolo. From £11. hostariadapietro.com

The faultless food at Il Convivio di Troiani (so named for the brothers that run it) is worth a splurge. The menu is classical Italian, with a few modern twists (guinea fowl served in a truffle pistachio sauce is pure decadence). The place oozes elegance, and the food’s all whipped up from scratch. Mains from £30. ilconviviotroiani.com

DRINK

Though compact, Cul de Sac has 1500 wines on offer. This adorable wine bar has been in business since 1977, and has never wavered in popularity. The place gets packed out with oenophiles most nights of the week, many who opt for the limited number of outside tables (advice: come early). Drinks from £2. enotecaculdesac.com

Villaggio Globale makes the most of its warehouse vibe and churns out great dancehall reggae. It’s housed in an ex-slaughterhouse, where the walls are now covered in graffiti. The beers are a cheapish £4. ecn.org/villaggioglobale/joomla/

Bar del Fico is delightfully unpretentious. Patrons sip basil martinis over a game of table football while soul music croons through the speakers. Definitely one for a mellow night out. Drinks from £6. bardelfico.it

SLEEP

Beehive is a hostel with flair. Run by a Californian couple who’ve lovingly decorated the place in original art and funky furniture, the place is unique, as well as good value. Plus there’s a veggie café. Dorm beds from £20pn. the-beehive.com

A former cardinal’s residence, Teatropace 33 is central and well-priced. There are 23 rooms, each harkening back to the Baroque era (think parquet floors and thick, wood-beamed ceilings). In lieu of an elevator, there is an antique spiral staircase; unlucky if you have a room on the fourth floor. Rooms from £54pn. hotelteatropace.com

The Rome Cavalieri was the first Waldorf Astoria to grace Europe, and today houses the city’s only three-star Michelin restaurant, La Pergola. One can glimpse the Vatican on the drive up, and rooms overlook the stunning Olympic-sized pool. Well worth busting the budget. Doubles from £145pn. romecavalieri.com

EAT

Photos: Daisy Carrington, Thinkstock, Getty, OMINO71/CC

BUDGET

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

A red riot This is Moscow in 48 hours WORDS PETTER LARSSON

DAY 1: 10:00 Expensive and notoriously unfriendly, the hardened heart of the Russian Federation is an intimidating prospect for the traveller. But look carefully between the ugly grey buildings and civilian frowns and you’ll find colourful bars, unexpected elegance and even the odd (if infrequent) sunny disposition. First, check in at Pushkin Hostel (pushkin-hotel.com), a five-minute walk from Red Square. Here, you can bag a dorm bed for £16pn. 11:00 Head straight into the centre of the action at Red Square (Krasnaya pl). At the southern end is photogenic icon St Basil’s Cathedral. Commissioned in the 16th century by Ivan the Terrible, its colourful domes are said to represent the flame of a bonfire rising into the sky. Be sure to revisit in the evening to see how the colours become more vivid and snag that atmospheric nighttime snap. 11:30 Another essential stop at Red Square is Lenin’s Tomb (Revolyutsii pl; admission free). Queue up at the northwestern corner to file past the revolutionary’s embalmed body, displayed in a glass case. 12:30 Now duck into Gum (gum.ru), a glam department store that sports a grand 19th-century facade. Window-shop at its 1000 fancy stores (well, maybe not all of them), then recharge your batteries just around the corner at Bar 1920 (bar1920.ru), where you can fill up on sandwiches and pasta dishes for under a fiver. 14:30 In most cities you have to work hard to find underground art galleries, but in Moscow you can just buy a ticket for the metro and take yourself on a tour of its halls. The extravagant architecture includes acres of marble 80

and sparkling chandeliers, making it the most sumptuous subway system you’re ever likely to see. Elektrozavodskaya, Kievskaya and Komsomolskaya are most impressive. 17:00 Head back towards Red Square and the Kremlin to find the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour on the riverbank. Once upon a time, this gold-domed cathedral was famous for commemorating Russia’s victory over Napoleon, but has gained new notoriety for being where punk band Pussy Riot performed the anti-Putin prayer that landed them in jail. 18:00 It’s been a hard day’s sightseeing. Now sit down and relax with the Moscow hipsters at Kv44 (kv44.ru), an oldapartment-turned-cheap-bistro where the decor sets you in Soviet-era Moscow and their awesome aubergine cream soup comes in a hollowed-out hunk of bread. 20:00 Start (and possibly end) your night at The Real McCoy (mccoy.ru), a 24-hour ‘bootlegger’s bar’. It’s the kind of dive that’s custom-made for a disgraceful evening. Try their pint-sized cocktails at about £7 a pop. DAY 2: 12:00 If it’s warm weather, take your hangover to Gorky Park (ul Krymsky val Park Kultury; entrance £1.60). With a festive vibe and a funfair, it makes a welcome change from the city streets. Walk by the Moscow River or jump on the ferris wheel. If you’re visiting in winter – go to Gorky Park anyway. It turns into a winter wonderland where you can go cross-country skiing or ice-skating for £2-4 per hour. 14:00 Suitably refreshed, head to nearby Pyatnitskaya Ulitsa, a busy thoroughfare and marketplace. There are loads of restaurants to choose from, but we recommend Yadrena Matrena (Pyatnitskaya Ulitsa 18C1) for a

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Big night out: check out the ballet at the Bolshoi Theatre

Photos: TNT; Getty

Shop stop: head into Gum department store for souvenirs

cheap lunch. This classic Russian hut – with stuffed animals adorning the walls – serves up traditional pancakes with vodka shots for about £4. Go on, try some hair of the dog. 15:00 Now sweat the badness out at a traditional Russian bathhouse. Sandunovskiye Baths (sanduny.ru; two hours from £11) is Moscow’s most famous. Tradition dictates that you hot up in the dry sauna, follow that with a stint in the steam room, and finish the circuit by getting beaten with a bundle of twigs. Then repeat until your two hours are up. Good luck! 17:00 Undo the good work with a visit to the Vodka History Museum (vodkamuseum.ru). Learn about the demon drink’s journey through time and its role in Russian society. A tour with a complimentary shot is £2, and there’s the option to stay on for vodka tastings. 19:00 Check out the quirky Shinok (shinok.ru) for dinner. It’s decked out like a Ukrainian peasant’s home, and if you see a few farm animals wandering by, it’s not down to the vodka – there’s a yard in the centre of the restaurant that is home to turkeys, a cow and a sheep. Ukrainian fare (borsch, stuffed cabbage) is dished up for about £16. 21:00 If you’re up for a big one, party with the nouveau riche at The Most (themost.ru), co-owned by Roman Abramovich. Fancy something more cultural? The Bolshoi Theatre (bolshoi.ru) is a stunning venue offering worldfamous ballet and theatre. Tickets from as little as a fiver. Return flights from London Heathrow to Moscow, via Geneva, start around £182 with Swiss swiss.com/uk

ostel We ar e not your typical h

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Georgia and Armenia

GEORGIA TBILISI

TRANSCAUCASIA ARMENIA

GETTING THERE Fly with Air Baltic from Gatwick to Tbilisi from £330 return. airbaltic.com Take the Gatwick Express from London Victoria to the airport from £21 return. gatwickexpress.com

YEREVAN

Patchwork: Tbilisi’s Old Town is a colourful mess of styles 82

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Free wheeling Always up for a challenge, TNT cycles from Georgia to Armenia, making lots of new friends and committing unintentional arson WORDS CELIA TOPPING

WHEN TO GO: For mild weather and the most beautiful We wake with the sun streaming into Yerevan. Either side of the undulating road seasonal colours, visit between the tent we’d hurriedly erected the night are forests and high rocky peaks and ridges, September and October. before. Having crossed over the border dotted with broken buildings, ruined from Georgia to Armenia on the overnight houses, abandoned petrol stations and CURRENCY: £1 = AMD649 train, and aiming to cycle the next 250 miles rickety Indiana-Jones-style bridges, all (Armenian Dram). £1 = GEL2.6 to the Armenian capital of Yerevan, we’d shabby remnants of the Soviet era. (Georgian Lari). disembarked and watched the train pull Armenia’s history is not a happy one, ACCOMMODATION: The Old away, leaving us with our bikes on a lonely, Town Hostel is in the heart of Tbilisi, having been subject to various invasions, dark platform in the Armenian countryside. wars, occupations and a horrific genocide right by the main square. Dorm After about half-an-hour’s painstaking cycle as recently as 1915. Due to emigrations over beds from around £9pn. Email along uneven, pot-holed roads, lit only by past centuries, there are more Armenians tbilisioldtownhostel@gmail.com. our head-torches, we realised there wasn’t Daravand Guesthouse, in Armenia’s living outside the country than in it, going to be a motel, so hastily put up our including former tennis superstar Andre Dilijan National Park, is a scenic tent near the railway track. Agassi and System Of A Down frontman and secluded spot. From £15pn. Paul, my travelling companion, pokes Serj Tankian. However, despite past turmoil daravand.com his head out of the tent and laughs. In our and national division, since independence in SEE: armeniainfo.am tired, night-blind state, we’ve pitched up in 1991, Yerevan is thriving once more; Armenia gnta.ge someone’s garden. But instead of waking us is again open for business and the people, as to ask what the hell we think we’re doing, the homeowners we’ve already found, are incredibly kind and welcoming. have left us a basket of fruit and some water and allowed Just a couple of hours down the road, as we strive in us to snooze until 9am. However, as soon as the children of vain to cycle off our hangovers, the skies turn a dark grey, the household see movement, they bundle over in a frenzy a rumble of thunder echoes across the valley, and the of excitement and drag us into their father’s house. Amongst heavens open. We try to shelter under a tree, but the much laughter, handshaking, back-patting and miming, we onslaught is so intense, we’re soaked within minutes. Ahead are sat at a table and offered a meal of cheese, tomatoes, is what looks like a derelict hotel, so we push our bikes into bread and coffee. The house is small and poor, yet Alexander, the grounds and shelter in an unlocked shed. Using the bits a small, bald-headed man in his mid-forties, and his younger of wood and cardboard lying around, we make a fire in an brother Hajet, a more rotund type, are insistent that we old rusted tin bath and sit back smugly to wait out the storm. indulge in whatever food they have to offer. Then they bring After just a few minutes, an extremely puzzled man appears out the schnapps. As it’s only 9.30am, I’m pretty sure I’m not at the doorway. He looks at us, looks at the fire, back at us ready for hard liquor, but as it would be rude to decline, and beckons us to follow him. It seems it’s not a derelict I accept their toast and while by number five I’m feeling hotel at all; it’s occupied, and we’ve just set fire to his shed. a little woozy, the brothers seem to be just hitting their A few coffees, several biscuits and a lot of shame-faced stride. The children come in to play and dance, and the men’s apologising later, hotel owner Mihran sets us on our way wives, Diana and Carine, bring more food. It’s a little party again, giving us a bag of apples and a bottle of Fanta. I’m put on especially for us. utterly astonished by his humble, gracious manner. In what At 2pm, we manage to extricate ourselves and wobble other country can you trespass on someone’s property, away as the whole hamlet waves us off, most as drunk as we commit arson and still be invited in for tea? are. I guess they don’t have English people pitching tents in We manage the rest of the trip without any more major their garden that often. With the panniers feeling incredibly gaffes and, despite the sometimes difficult climbs – where heavy, we begin our cycle up the Debed Canyon towards we strain at the pedals, heads down, legs pumping, trying ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise from below: our new friends help fix our bikes; IndianaJones-style bridges; Laguna Vere swimming pool; rural village life

to ignore the lorry drivers tooting with glee at our efforts – we enjoy the beautiful Armenian countryside and visit several of the dozens of ancient monasteries scattered across the rolling hills. The 13th-century convent at Kobayr, just outside Tumanyan, is in a particularly pretty setting. A short, steep walk takes us through the hamlet and up to the convent, which overlooks a gorge at its deepest; a place of sublime tranquillity. Behind the convent, we find a series of small waterfalls and take a very welcome shower among the foliage and overhanging trees, looking out over the dramatic curves of the gorge. Our journey continues south, covering about 40km a day, through the post-industrial Soviet city of Vanadzor and on to the Molokan Villages of Fioletovo and Lermontovo. The Molokons, or ‘milk-drinkers’, were a Russian Christian sect who broke from the Orthodox church in the 17th century, and earned their name by refusing to fast on the specified days. As we enter Fioletovo, three boys gallop past on horses, whooping with delight. Gaggles of geese wander the tracks, flowers overspill the window boxes of ramshackle wooden houses, and men with scythes tend the fields. It feels like nothing much has changed in these villages since the 1600s. About 12km down the road, we enter Dilijan National Park, where I’m pleased not to bump into any of the bears that inhabit this heavily forested region. We stay at the secluded paradise of Daravand Guesthouse, owned by Rajik, an old bear of a man with a big beard and a penchant for vodka. While Rajik barbecues some delicious lamb chops, we relax on the large open veranda looking out over the river. Our last stop before Yerevan is Lake Sevan, where Yerevanites come to escape the heat of the city in summer. The Sevan Monastery sits in pride of place on a hillock at the 84

west-most point of the lake, and offers fantastic panoramic views across to the ragged Areguniats mountains enshrouded in clouds. We take a leisurely swim and camp on the beach, eating dinner from our camping stove as the sun sets. It takes us almost the entire next day to cycle to Yerevan, a leg-aching 70km away. The capital proves a vibrant city with countless outdoor cafes lining the streets, squares and parks. This penchant for the alfresco makes for an open, relaxed atmosphere and as Yerevan has a small centre, it’s easy to walk around the main sights, stopping

The Molokan villages of Armenia will take you back in time

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for ice-creams and coffees along the way. The Vernissage flea market is a hive of activity, with stalls selling masses of Soviet paraphernalia, such as enormous fur hats and military oddments, local handicrafts and the usual market bric-a-brac that make for excellent souvenirs. I buy a few old Soviet medals to award to friends and family back home. We also take an afternoon trip out to Khor Virap Monastery, set against the magnificent backdrop of Mount Ararat in neighbouring Turkey. I have an old friend, Sevag, who I want to visit, so head to the bar he owns with his brother Hrach. Calumet turns out to be one of the coolest places in town. This small underground bar is bursting with young and beautiful Yerevanites, dancing on tables, knocking back shots, flirting, snogging and generally having a blast. By the time we leave at 3am, the party is showing no signs of slowing down.

“

Nothing has changed since the 1600s

”

The train ride back to Tbilisi takes about 10 hours, but there are bunks to rest on and watch the Armenian and Georgian countryside slide gently by, so time passes quickly. The city itself is truly the jewel of the Caucasus crown, the 4th-century Narikala Fortress dominating the skyline. A charmingly shabby Old Town takes a day or two alone to explore, with its dangerously askew balconies, rickety staircases and centuries-old churches crowding the streets. The quirky, fairytale-esque clock tower is a good starting point for a walk around this medieval hub of the capital. Tbilisi comes from the old Georgian word meaning ‘warm’, due to its sulphuric hot springs bubbling up from the ground. With temperatures in July reaching 40˚C, it’s way too hot for a subterranean Turkish bath in the Abanotubani district, but for an excellent photo opportunity, take a stroll down there mid-morning and enjoy the view across the bricked domes rising out of the ground, up to the red-brick mosque and ›› the colourful patchwork mess of the Old Town.

Giorgi Nebierdize: drives fast

The Insider's Guide Giorgi Nebieridze is the affable owner and manager of the Old Town Hostel in Tbilisi, Georgia. Where’s the best place to eat in Tbilisi? Pur-pur. It’s only round the corner from the hostel, on a lovely little square. The food is great and the interior décor is really cool. It’s a bit more expensive than many places, but you can go any time of day and stay there for hours. Where do you go to chill out? There are a couple of places, actually. The Botanical Gardens are really lovely, with a waterfall and lush vegetation. Not too many people go there, so you can generally find a quiet spot without much difficulty. I also love the Open-Air Museum of Ethnography, which is huge and has old traditional Georgian houses built all over it. It’s like being in a really peaceful, beautiful village. What’s your top tip for visitors to Tbilisi? Try to get yourself invited along to a ‘supra’. This is a big dinner party with a toastmaster and can go on for hours and hours. There is so much food, it never all gets eaten, but the atmosphere is wonderful. The guest reigns supreme in Georgia and it’s the host’s pleasure to provide him with whatever he desires. You won’t be able to move by the time it’s finished! What do you miss when you’re away from Georgia? The driving! Georgians are crazy on the road, they love to drive fast, and I am no exception. I love the speed we drive. Nowhere else drives like us.

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We join the young, bronzed and buffed of Tbilisi at Laguna Vere, a slightly run-down outdoor swimming pool, oddly appealing in its own utilitarian, concrete way. Here, we swim a little and laze around a lot on sun-loungers, listening to summer hits blaring over antiquated speakers. As with Armenians, the Georgians are incredibly friendly; it’s not difficult to get into conversation with this affable bunch and find yourself being invited along to dinner and then a boisterous night out in one of Tbilisi’s many bars. Had we been in a car, we could’ve seen a lot more of both countries, as we‘ve only managed a fraction in our 10-day trip. I wonder whether hiring a local Lada might’ve been a better idea. But no, riding through the countryside on our bikes and camping out meant we were real travellers, more on a par with the people, not just observing them as we zoomed by. This was definitely the best way to get totally immersed and experience the unconditional hospitality of the big-hearted Armenian and Georgian people first-hand. ❚ Celia hired her trek bike from Action Bikes, which came with a rear pannier rack and bike transport bag. Hire from £100 per week. actionbikes.co.uk/hire-bikes

Real travel: two wheels and a tent is all you need Medieval villages are found in the hills of Svaneti

MUST-SEE GEORGIA GET HIGH IN SVANETI Don’t miss the medieval villages high in the mountains of Georgia for a truly unique trip.

A PEACEFUL PLACE In the far north of Georgia, close to the border with Russia, lies the stunningly beautiful, mountainous region of Svaneti. The Svans have retained many of their age-old traditional ways due to their isolation, including an unwritten, unique dialect and simple pastoral living.

VISIT USHGULI About a three-hour drive from the hotel is the spell-binding Ushguli at about 2200m, the highest village in Europe to maintain a year-round population. It’s made up of four smaller villages, which house the fairytale-esque 9th-century stone towers, or koshkebi, that define this area. These towers were originally used as a refuge against avalanches and rockfalls, and also as protection against unwelcome visitors. It’s possible to stay in one of the guesthouses that have popped up in recent years in this truly medieval setting. 86

Photos: Celia Topping

GET OUT AND ABOUT The area is perfect for hiking, mountain-biking, riding and more. The Grand Hotel Ushba (grandhotelushba.com) is an ideal base from which to enjoy all of these sports and its proprietor, Richard Baerug, also offers a wealth of excursions to explore the surrounding countryside and the ancient hamlets and villages within.

Crazy clocktower: seek it out in Tbilisi’s Old Town

NEXT WEEK Balkan Road Trip: We motor through Bosnia-Herzegovina Sevan Monastery

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