TNT Magazine / Issue 1553

June 3-9 2013 Issue 1553 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A GOURMET WEEKEND BREAK IN BOLOGNA, ITALY!

BE BETTER AT DATING The experts on how to seal the deal

GALAPAGOS ISLANDS Giant tortoises and blue-footed boobies

STONER ROCK COMEBACK Adelaide’s Tracer are rolling into town

T O C S A L A ROY

n’t miss! a c u o y s ie t r ore posh pa m s lu p – s t e s and b Hats, bubble

ISSUE 1553 / £1.95

+ MICHAEL MONAGHAN ON JOEL CAMP CANADA TNT MEETS AUSSIE JESUS BEST OF MOROCCO

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18/04/2013 16:22:26

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER You may wonder what the hell the lady on our front cover has got happening on her bonce, but you should expect even wackier sights at this year’s Royal Ascot, where outrageous hats tend to grab even more attention than the multi-million-pound winnings. Flip to P6 to find out how to dress your best for the historic race meet and also take advantage of some pretty damn sweet TNT discounts while you’re at it. As always, you’re welcome!

THIS WEEK

LONDON DIARY DRINK & EATS

12+13

@TNT

14

SPOTTED

17

LONDON SOUND

18

COMPETITION

20

CHATROOM JAMES BALOG

21

LONDON SCENE

22

LONDON FOCUS

24

LIFESTYLE

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; bjwok.com / Benon Koebsch

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30-35

HEALTH

30

CAREERS

32

MONEY

35

NEWS

36-41

SPORT

42-46

TRAVEL

49-69

6

FEATURES HATS ON!

6

A guide to dressing up for Royal Ascot, plus details of exclusive TNT discounts

GUNS ‘N’ ROCKERS Adelaide trio Tracer on new album El Pistolero and their London live show

DIARY

50

OLD-FASHIONED WOOING

NEWS

51

UK TRIP

52

We ditch internet dating and try chivalry with the help of an etiquette expert

LATE DEALS

54

HAS JESUS COME?

HOTSHOTS

55

TOP FIVE

56

An Aussie by the name of AJ reckons he’s Jesus. We do some investigating

TIPS

60

SHORT BREAK

62

BIG TRIP

66

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

87-89 90

24

24

MICHAEL MONAGHAN

30

40

44

The rugby star on his brother Joel and landing a place in the Exiles team

GALAPAGOS CRUISE

66

Taking a trip to see some of the world’s wildest animals off the coast of Ecuador

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Caroline Garnar Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

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Vintage: find art sold by the (famous!) artist

Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online

Shhh... SECRET LONDON vauxhall art car boot sale east london

Usually car boot sales are staffed by stuffy oddballs who are trying to shift their family ‘antiques’ or top of the range Eighties tech gadgets (think the Betamax). Here, however, you will have the likes of Tracey Emin, Polly Morgan and Pam Hogg (above with Jaime Winstone) personally selling their own artworks from the back of vintage Vauxhalls.

So you get to buy a stunning piece of art and the chance to meet the artist, too. Might cost more than the £10-or-your-best-offer you normally get away with at car boot sales, though. £5

Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004

Sun, June 9, 12pm-7pm Brick Lane Yard, Corner of Brick Lane and Buxton Street, E1 6QN

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

terracotta film free urban festival boot caMP The fifth annual Far East film festival features a wealth of current Asian cinematic talent, a horror all nighter, an Indonesian cinema spotlight, and a special programme to mark the 10-year anniversary of the passing of two of the biggest stars of Far Eastern cinema, Leslie Cheung and Anita Mui.

Team GB star Louis Smith launched this six-week series of free inner city boot camp workouts last week – parkour, upper and core body exercises and aerobic training across the 4.2km route – that get you into shape while taking in the city sights. In association with the new Samsung Galaxy S4 mobile.

June 6-15, times vary ICA, SW1Y 5AH & Prince Charles, WC2H 7BX Charing X & Leicester Square terracottafestival.com

Tue & Thur til July 4, 6.30pm7.30pm Tower Bridge, SE1 2UP London Bridge facebook.com/Phones4u

£6+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Aldgate East

FREE

artcarbootfair.com

first time out The Horniman Museum, Royal Botanic Gardens, Natural History Museum, the Science Museum, Royal Shakespeare Company and the Wellcome Collection will show an artefact apiece from their vaults that’s never been shown before. A macabre Napoleonic bone guillotine and the world’s very first lightbulb feature. £various

June 6-July 31, times vary Various wellcomecollection.org

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Nobody calls me chicken!

jarred christmas Soho Theatre

Top Kiwi funnyman Mr Christmas – you can insert your own gag about his surname here – brings his ace show Let’s Go Mofo! back to Soho in which he looks at what exactly it means to be a man and, more importantly, how he has failed to live up to these talismanic gender-based expectations. Expect a ball of unbridled silliness, energy and top shirts and ‘burns (see above). If you haven’t seen Christmas yet, you are a loser – rectify it now! £12.50

June 6-8, 9.15pm 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE

sohotheatre.com

my night with philosophers

praxis makes perfect

No less than 70 philosophers from Europe will appear at this overnight (free wine from 1am-2am) feast for the mind and soul. Expect a host of lectures, performances, films and live readings at the heart of this drop-in summit for the ponderous. Topics include ‘The Meaning of Life’ and ‘How To Tame A Zombie.’

Gruff Rhys from indie unpredictables Super Furry Animals and LA producer Boom Bip are the masterminds behind this epic multimedia musical theatrical production – part of the Beyond Barbican series – about the 20thcentury left-wing activist Giangiacomo Feltrinelli. The show’s also available as a concept album.

FREE

Photos: Focalpoint Optics

Tottenham Court Road

June 7-8, 7pm-7am Institut Francais, SW7 2DT South Kensington institut-francais.org.uk

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£20

June 4-6, 8pm Village Underground, EC2A 3PQ Old Street barbican.org.uk

31/05/2013 14:16:28

Model behaviour: there are strict dress codes at the historic race meet, so be sure to glam it up

Day at the races Hats, horses and champers – it’s time for Royal Ascot. Plus more posh parties to dress up for this summer Words LAURA CHUBB & CAROL DRIVER Royal Ascot: a centuries-old British tradition, a multi-million pot of prize money, but mostly – hats.

Easily England’s top sporting and social engagement of the year, the event on June 18-22 might be a fun opportunity for a flutter on the horses (not to mention quaffing lots of bubbly), but it’s the fashion that gets the most attention – and if you don’t dress up, you’ll miss out.

And that’s not just because you’ll feel a bit bogan without your top hat and tails. There are strict dress codes for Royal Ascot’s various enclosures, which all adds to the deep tradition the meeting, founded by Queen Anne in 1711, is steeped in. Thanks to this sense of occasion, many racegoers choose to adopt the exclusive Royal Enclosure style no matter where they’re watching from. This includes morning dress for gents and formal day dresses for ladies, while hats are also a requirement.

Emphasising the seriousness of the situation, fascinators are banned.

“The wearing of hats is a tradition that traces its origins to the royals, as it was not considered respectful to have one’s head uncovered in the 6

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presence of the monarch,” says William Chambers, a milliner at British Fashion Council initiative Headonism, which celebrates emerging hatmakers.

This focus on headgear has resulted in some weird and wonderful creations turning up by the track, such as the ‘Full English’ effort on TNT’s front cover this week, and the collection of birds pictured right. You simply cannot arrive at Ascot without something fabulous adorning your bonce, so we asked Chambers to let us in on what makes the perfect Royal Ascot hat.

“For me the best hats have substance: large or small, they are refined and elegant, whilst still making a statement,” he advises. “The Ascot lady should look confident, charming and chic, wearing the hat with style – as opposed to the hat wearing them!”

We think there’s a chance the hats are having their way with some of the ladies pictured here, so we also prodded the expert for a comment on what constitutes a millinery misfire, so as to save TNT readers’ blushes.

“Real misfires happen when hats have way too much going on, with colours, trims, feathers, shapes and

materials all fighting with each other and the outfit,” he decides. “Two of these five are usually enough, so as not to distract from the woman’s own charm and personality. As Coco Chanel said, ‘Adornment, what a science!’”

Once you’ve got the science sorted, why not make sure you give your hat the outing it deserves? TNT has teamed up with Royal Ascot to offer you some exclusive discounts, from a £30 Silver Ring ticket with drink vouchers thrown in (score), to a Grandstand and Pavilion package with complimentary afternoon tea and more for £85. Book by June 14; tntmagazine.com/royal-ascot for deets.

In the mood for more hoity-toity festivities? Our picks over the page.

MORE POSH FESTIVALS ›› Royal Ascot. June 18-22. Gates 10.30am, last race 5.35pm, followed by singing around the bandstand at 6pm. Tickets £10-£62 depending on enclosure (Royal Enclosure is for members only). Ascot Racecourse, High Street, Ascot, SL5 7JX Ascot ascot.co.uk

TNT GUIDE: HOW TO TALK POSH tntmagazine.com/talk-posh

Game girl: a football-themed hat at Ascot

Posh birds: these ladies went for a group ‘look’

Hearty hat: give your headwear some personality

wimbledon tennis championships wimbledon

hampton court palace festival richmond

No British summer is ever complete without the grunts and groans of the tennis stars thrashing it out for the Wimbledon title. Although the public ballot has closed, you can join hundreds of others buying tickets via The Queue at Gate 3 from 8am on Sunday, June 23. Get there early and be prepared to wait. If that fails, buy bubbly, strawberries and cream and head to Aorangi Terrace (Murray Mound) where you can watch matches on a big screen for about £5.

For a truly top-drawer British affair, this is the courtyard concert to head to this summer. To really luxe it up, order a Jamie Oliver picnic (£75 for two including a bottle of wine) to scoff in the outrageously stunning East Front Gardens. For 10 nights, a stellar line-up will be taking to the Tudor Base Court in Henry VIII’s former abode (below) – come rain or shine, so bring a poncho.

Stars include Jools Holland, Imelda May, Lisa Stansfield and Cliff Richard.

£27+

June 24-July 7. Times vary Church Road, SW19 5AE Wimbledon wimbledon.com

£32.50+

goodwood festival of speed chichester Goodwood is a petrol head’s dream – think every supercar from Porsches to Lamborghinis. But, set on the immaculate grounds of Goodwood House, there are other attractions – including a top-notch Hamper service.

Get star-struck watching F1 racers such as Jenson Button burn rubber, check out classic cars, and watch the mighty hill climb in awe as the festival celebrates 20 years. £25+

June 13-24. 9pm (gardens 5.30pm) Hampton Court Palace, KT8 9AU Hampton Court hamptoncourtpalacefestival.com

July 11-14. 8.45am-7pm Goodwood Estate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO18 0PX Chichester goodwood.co.uk

foodies festival clapham common Upgrade to VIP entry (£48) to get a glass of bubbly, a meal in a popup venue plus a bunch of other goodies at this chilledout food-centric three-dayer, where, enticingly, there’s a booze-tasting masterclass every hour.

Ballroom dancing goes outdoors as you learn – or perfect – the fancy moves. It’s both a posh event and something to help you look even more refined at future toff-fests.

Ball gowns are optional ...

June 7-9. 10am-8pm Windmill Drive, SW4 9DE Clapham South foodiesfestival.com

July 13 & 14, Aug 10 & 11. From 1.30pm The Broadwalk, Avenue Gardens, NW1 Regent’s Park dancealfresco.org

found shoreditch

BP big screens various

Roll on the white gloves for a night of house and techno with a DJ line-up of global talent. Go VIP and you’ll get free entry to a warehouse after-party, a gourmet BBQ, VIP seating as well as fast-track entry.

Go high-cultured for an evening and watch The Royal Ballet’s Mayerling (June 18) or La Rondine (July 18) as well as Puccini’s Tosca (July 18) beamed on to big screens in parks across London.

June 15. 11am-9pm Haggerston Park, E2 8EX Bethnal Green foundseries.co.uk/festival

June 13-July 18. 7.30pm Various locations roh.org.uk/about/ bp-big-screens

£12+

CHAP OLYMPIAD bloomsbury Pack your pipe, perfect your posh English accent and get down to London’s Annual Contest for Gentleman Prowess. This eccentric sports day hosts competitions unlike any you’ve ever seen before – including immaculate trouser ironing, umbrella jousting and the pipeathon.

It promises to be a spiffing affair, with plenty of Pimm’s and chaps and chapettes going all-out with vintage attire (above). £20

July 13. Midday-11pm Bedford Square, WC1B 3HH Russell Square thechapolympiad.com

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al fresco ballroom dancing regent’s park

£50+

£10

FREE

ocean liner party central london More like how the posh would have enjoyed themselves in the 1930s, this is a champagne-drenched return to the world’s former most glamorous form of travel, as the Silver Sturgeon clipper becomes the SS Atlantica ocean liner for an evening.

From the folks behind the Prohibition and Blitz parties, there’ll be cabaret, fizz, a string quartet, fizz, a decktop bar and, yes, more fizz.

Glam it up and hop aboard. £20

June 22. From 8pm TBC London Bridge ssatlantica.com

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

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31/05/2013 09:25:07

TNT EXCLUSIVE OFFER The Pavilion Club at Royal Ascot Tuesday 18th & Wednesday 19th June The Pavilion Club provides the perfect place to soak up the atmosphere of the Royal Meeting and enjoy a glass of champagne with friends in quintessentially British surroundings. The Club is located a short walk from the track and Parade Ring.

• Grandstand Admission ticket • Pavilion Club badge • Complementary afternoon tea • Private bar • Party into the evening with extended opening hours • Free Racecard TNT Exclusive offer £85 per person. A saving of £37 per person per day.

To book, call 01344 878 536 or visit ascot.co.uk quoting TNTRA2013.

The offer is based on tickets purchased for Tuesday 18th or Wednesday 19th June 2013. Tickets must be booked no later than Friday 14th June. Max 9 tickets per booking, £6 delivery fee.

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TUESDAY 18TH JUNE TO SATURDAY 22ND JUNE 2013 31/05/2013 16:16:58

mint polo in the park fulham

taste of london Regent’s park Gorge on a la carte and experimental cuisine as some of the world’s best chefs and restaurants take part in the 10th annual Taste Of London. Stroll around Regent’s Park sampling a mix of British, French, Pan Asian, Japanese and South American cuisine (below).

Then get squiffy at a Laurent-Perrier masterclass (£70 and includes other goodies such as fasttrack entrance). Budding foodies should head to the Electrolux Taste Theatre where experts will be sharing their trade secrets. £25.80+

June 20-23. Times vary Regent’s Park, NW1 5HA Great Portland Street london.tastefestivals.com

Ladies, fascinators at the ready. This three-day event (below) boasts champers in the Pommery Garden, cocktails at the Mahiki Bar, and Pimm’s on a special bus as well as fantastic grub from Gourmet Street Food.

Matches kick off with ‘City Friday’, then Ladies’ Day on Saturday, rounding off with the finals on Sunday. There’s also a shopping village and afternoon tea – so plenty of off-field action to keep non-enthusiasts amused. £20+

kew the music richmond Taking place in the stunning grounds of Unesco World Heritage Site Kew Gardens, this six-night festival boasts one of the best settings in London. Branded a ‘picnic concert’, enjoy an evening of sophistication listening to the soulful sounds of Blondie, Human League, Paul Weller, Jools Holland, Leona Lewis and Soul II Soul. VIP your night by ordering a hamper and bubbly when you book. £35.50+

June 7-9. 12pm-9/8/7pm Hurlingham Park, SW6 3DR Putney Bridge polointheparklondon.com

July 9-14. 5.45pm-10.15pm (9.45pm Sunday, July 14) Kew, Surrey, TW9 3AB Kew Gardens kew.org

west end live trafalgar square

coronation fest victoria

Too skint to check out London’s West End? Now you can see the best of what’s at the theatre for free as the casts from all the shows perform al fresco in Trafalgar Square. Expect clips from Billy Elliot, Stomp, Mamma Mia! and more.

Celebrating the 60th anniversary of the Queen’s coronation, this event is set in the gardens of Buckingham Palace. Wander and eat posh goodies, or book for the gala gig in the evening, showcasing music from the Commonwealth.

June 22-23. 11am/12pm-6pm WC2N 5DS Charing Cross westendlive.co.uk

July 11-14. From 9.30am Buckingham Palace, SW1A 1AA St James’s Park coronationfestival.com

FREE

bbc proms in the park hyde park There’s absolutely nothing more quintessentially British than the Last Night Of The Proms.

With guest star Dame Edna Everage and presented by Terry Wogan, wave your flags to the BBC Concert Orchestra as well as a host of high-end entertainment, including the amusingly named Red Hot Chilli Pipers and the Royal Choral Society. Tally ho!

It’s like Royal Ascot, except on the Thames with rowing crews replacing horses, as a bunch of posh lads and lasses compete in knockout races along the river. Think lots of Pimm’s and picnics.

September 7. 5.15pm-10.30pm Rangers Lodge, W2 2UH Hyde Park bbc.co.uk/proms

July 3-7. Times vary Henley-on-Thames, RG9 2AQ Henley-on-Thames hrr.co.uk

£30+

Photos: Getty; Third Light

£35+

london restaurant festival across london It’s a way off, but this festival is worth flagging up. Eat your way across some of the 400 restaurants and 50 events that make up this foodie extravaganza. There’ll be quirky stuff aplenty, including the chance to dine on board a double-decker bus, and a three-course meal inspired by a renowned chef’s favourite film, served to punters inside a cinema. tbc

henley royal regatta south london £17+

HENLEY FESTIVAL sOUTH LONDON It doesn’t get much posher than a music and arts fest that requires punters wear black tie and designer dresses. Expect a floating stage, fireworks, flowing champagne, Jamie Cullum and Paloma Faith. £50+

July 10-14. From 6pm 14 Friday Street, RG9 1AH Henley-On-Thames henley-festival.co.uk

October 3-21. Times vary Various locations londonrestaurantfestival.com

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BAR

The folks behind The Sebright Arms go south of the river with this stylish and laid-back bar, which is like a student union with serious creative kudos – East End artist Pure Evil is currently exhibited here. There’s a pool table, ping pong on the roof (yep!) and comedy and live music in the upstairs space.

THE GRUB Top drawer homegrown-fuelled foodies Mark Jankel and Jun Tanaka’s Street Kitchen (in their first bricks-and-mortar residency) are the grub providers and their gourmet hot dogs are outstanding. We went for the Bull Mastiff (pork sausage, chorizo, onions, coriander, sour cream) and the Boston Hound (pork sausage, pork belly, crackling, dill pickles, red cabbage). Salivating yet? Ice creams and lollies from the Ice Kitchen are the perfect summer accompaniment – there’s strawberry, pepper and white chocolate flavour. We tried. We loved.

THE SCENE

Ample wine selection, but the ales and lagers are where it’s at.

There’s a wide variety of imports, many with large alcohol contents. The Okells bitter and Cornish Orchards cider (West Country and nothing like Strongbow) got us started before we moved on to a Flying Dog Raging Bitch (8.3 per cent and felt like it) and a Brooklyn East India Pale Ale (a soothing comedown to 6.9 per cent).

BILL PLEASE Dogs from £5.50; sides from £2.50; beers from £3.90.

VERDICT Great drinks, great food, great vibe – get down there. Simple. AM BEHIND THE BAR

96 Snowfields, SE1 3SS

London Bridge

ROOFTOP BARS

DALSTON ROOF PARK

MIDNIGHT APOTHECARY

For a chilled but trendy vibe, head to this spot in the heart of hipsterville, where there’s Meantime on tap, tea-infused cocktails and street food ranging from Vietnamese to fried chicken. Open daily.

Seek out the Brunel Museum in Rotherhithe and discover this fairylit oasis, serving up cocktails created using plants from the rooftop garden, plus sunset views over the Thames. Weekends only.

bootstrapcompany.co.uk

brunel-museum.org.uk

AQUA SPIRIT More of a glamourpuss?

Book a space at this fancy spot attached to swish restaurant Aqua Kyoto.

Guarantees views over Oxford Street and packs of dressed-to-the-nines posers jostling for space. aqua.com.hk

Try tastecard for a month and get 50% OFF or 2-for-1 deals!

No strings trial | No payment details taken | Details not passed on

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Photos: Aqua; Brunel Museum, Bootstrap company

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BITE SIZE

Healthy food fast: the Tibits ‘food boat’

EAT YOUR OWN GARDEN Edible plants might have somehow become a bit cool of late – see The Foragers at Dead Dolls Club, Kew Gardens’ IncrEdibles fest, and cocktails at Midnight Apothecary (P12) – but we’re not altogether sure what to make of The Book Club’s upcoming ‘Biteable Botany’ event. It promises an indoor picnic, complete with birdsong and blooms, where you’re invited to dig up candy insects, plant candy flowers and pot your own cake. No, we’ve no idea what they’re on about either, but it sounds ... interesting.

Tickets to this ‘edible installation’, running June 23 from 2pm, are £15. therobincollective.co.uk

The Robin Collective bring biteable botany

TIBITS VEGETARIAN

Just a short walk from Regent Street, this veggie Swiss import operates a ‘pay by weight’ policy, so the bill you rack up will depend on how much grub you decide to pile on your plate. While it’s essentially a fast food joint – albeit with homemade salads and seasonal, meat-free dishes as opposed to fried chicken or big burgers – the low-lit space creates a funky, warm ambience that’s a cut above the likes of Maccas. There’s no hanging around until a waiter notices you, either – punters get stuck straight into the ‘food boat’ (a buffet to you and me), then head to the till for their meal to be weighed.

The grub Tibits is all about fresh ingredients and avoiding products from overseas wherever possible, and I’m impressed that each product has an information label so you know exactly what you’re getting. There are Asian, Indian and Mediterranean influences in the food and, as I’ve arrived on an empty stomach, I end up filling my plate with an eclectic mix of cuisines. Curried vegetables, Asian vermicelli noodles, cous cous salad, vegetable stroganoff, bean and capsicum salad, olives, deep-fried chillis filled with cheese, falafel and aubergine are all tasty enough but, as I can only fit so much on my plate, I’m still hungry at the end of it.

So I finish on a dessert that’s akin to bread and butter pudding, only packed with fruit. It gives the impression of a rich, naughty treat, but with actual nutrients.

THE SCENE

SAFFA SIPPING This Wednesday sees a collective of South African independent wineries offering up their wares at a mass tasting in south London. The vino fest at Southwark’s Blue Fin Building will have 15 Saffa indie wine producers in attendance, and you’re invited to sup some samples between 6.30pm and 8.30pm. Tickets are £20 – book in advance from the site below. decanter.com/piwosa

seventies speakeasy Forget the Smeg fridge – there’s a new hidden speakeasy in a branch of The Breakfast Club in town. The trendy brunch chain’s Battersea venue has an in-cafe launderette with a secret sliding wall. Go on through and you’ll find yourself in a Seventies bachelor pad – thing pink flamingos, bamboo decor and barmen in Hawaiian shirts – serving up retro disco drinks (pina coladas, mai tais, et al). Good grief.

Cocktails are made with Tibits’ own freshly squeezed fruit juices (think blackcurrant caipirinhas and tutti frutti daiquiris), plus there’s a selection of organic beers and ciders from Brit brewers.

Bill please Tibits offers breakfast, lunch and dinner and also provides takeaways.

Breakfast £1.70 per 100g; lunch £2.20 per 100g; dinner £2.50 per 100g. Cocktails from £8; beer from £3.60/ £4.20 per bottle/ pint; wine from £4.30/ £15.70 per glass/ bottle. verdict Stuff yourself but still feel healthy? It’s a winner. PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Behind the bar

thebreakfastclubcafes.com 12-14 Heddon Street, W1B 4DA

tibits.co.uk

Oxford Circus; Piccadilly Circus

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My gut feeling says my hand is waAAAAy too far up my arse

Lawrence

FIDDY SAYS Get rich or die trying. I SAY WHY NOT buy a good life insurance policy and do both?

Trevor

just opened a Spanish themed library. THERE’S no books, only manuels

Doris

I’m not a fan of biology, but there will always be a special place in my heart for pumping blood to organs and muscles

Thom

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EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Re: ‘Social media suckers’ (TNT 1552): As a supporter of free speech, I don’t think anyone should face any legal penalty for expressing an opinion on Twitter. I am disgusted at the way the footballers’ union has refused to defend its own members from being fined for posting on nonfootballing matters. And I wish Peter Collier would respond to complaints by saying: “I enjoyed it.

That’s my opinion. If you don’t like it – so what!”

Mark Taha, via email

PEACE OF MIND

As an Australian Muslim convert married to a British-born Muslim, I have felt compelled to write to TNT in the wake of the tragic killing of Lee Rigby. All true Muslims are appalled by what happened and in no way do we condone what happened.

Islam forbids the taking of a life in the name of Allah. It forbids terrorist behaviour and inciting fear in to the hearts of others. The word Jihad does not and never has meant to take up arms and kill those who oppose you. Jihad means struggle in life, struggle from within. To find oneself and prevail in one’s life.

Please do not believe the propaganda. True Muslims live a peaceful life, not one of hatred for non-Muslims.

Ronan, via email

TOP TUCKER

In the wake of the sad closure of the Australia/ New Zealand/South Africa shop in Covent Garden,

Tesco at Brook Green (Hammersmith) has stepped in. They now have two sections of shelves full of our products including Tim Tams, Shapes, Perky Nanas, Bundeberg soft drinks and even VB (curiously not with the other alcohol). So now you can stock up on your food from home. The store manager said they are trialling the products in three supermarkets over the next few months.

Nick McAvaney, via email

VOTE ASSANGE

Re: Julian Assange could win senate seat (tntmagazine.com): It’s wise to vote a trustworthy person into senate and Julian Assange is probably more trustworthy than most people running for that position.

Jashan, via tntmagazine.com ROYAL ASCOT /6 GALAPAGOS ISLANDS /66

Mark wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS

Tweet us @tntmagazine @NickJSorenson I make it 2.9 miles from the Ecuadorian Embassy to the Australian High Commission...wonder if they have a helipad? @MyDestination Re: TNT is 30 years old celebrations: HAPPY FLIPPING BIRTHDAY you crazy bunch of party animals!!! @enquerre Re: Assange: support will only grow

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Clarey Egan: RE: TNT UKBA campaign: I recently got my Tier 5 visa approved for June. There was no correspondence until it had been approved. This meant that I had no way of knowing if my passport had been received by UKBA. Deplorable.

Allister Muir: Unfortunately too late for some, my application for sponsorship and a work visa were declined in October last year and I had to head home.

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FIELD DAY Victoria Park, Tower Hamlets May 25, 2013 Photos by: David Salas/ TNT More pics and tag yourself at facebook.com/tntmag

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Resurrected: the Madchester lot are back

festival

watch

isle of man festival

the stone roses Finsbury Park, Seven Sisters Rd, N4 2NQ June 7 & 8 | Doors at 6pm | £43+

Nobles Park, Douglas. July 6. £55+ theisleofmanfestival.com

The Isle of Man, the little island floating in the Irish Sea between the Lake District and Ireland, launches this new one-day festival. The likes of Primal Scream, Laura Mvula, Paloma Faith (below), Johnny Marr and Wretch 32 are confirmed, with Ministry of Sound also on board to run the biggest dance arena to ever grace the island. Add in to this the rolling hills and spectacular scenery of this weekend retreat, and you have a fab new fest calendar addition.

After their much adored reunion last year, the kings of baggy are back for the fourth coming of their two-album career of indie dance classics, showing you why they are, in fact, the resurrection.

The baggy boys who said they would never reunite and put their pasts behind them (mostly monkey man Ian Brown and six-string partner John Squire, who had been at each other’s throats since the mid-Nineties) did exactly that last year and got the band back together. They toured far and wide, from Manchester to Tokyo, digging in to a crate of solid gold classics from their self-titled 1989 debut and its fan-dividing follow up, The Second Coming.

She Bangs The Drums, Waterfall, I Wanna Be Adored, hell, even Ten Storey Love Song soared across festival fields and stadiums last year as Brown, Squire, Mani and Reni made many a grown man cry. This week, they’re out for your salty tears once more. You’ll most likely see Brown strut like a simian and dance from one foot to another in a godlike take on the squaddie two-step. Squire will beaver away, head down. Bassist Mani will make Primal Scream even more jealous he left them to return to the Roses. And drummer Reni will pound away at the back as the least appreciated member of the group, and maybe in a silly hat, too.

If you missed out on a piece of history last year, don’t be a fool again – get down while they are still mad for it. If you don’t succeed, you can always watch their comeback in movie Made Of Gold. Head to P22 for our review.

Finsbury Park

haringey.gov.uk/finsburypark

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NEW BAND

kings of leon GIG june 12 & 13. 6pm £50+

Clearly not taking any chances with the great British weather, the southern rockers are holing up in the indoor surrounds of The O2 for two nights of sexy fire music. As well as said hit single, they’re also likely to preview new material from their forthcoming, but as of yet untitled sixth album, due later this year.

Photos: Getty

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

pacha presents

digital soundboy summer boat party

CLUB

CLUB

fri, june 7. 10pm-6am £10+

sat, june 8. 6.15PM-11pm £10+

One of the biggest clubbing names in the world launches its new look room three in London with a series of Friday night parties showcasing underground talent, as well as huge established acts. This week it’s the turn of James Welsh, Citizen, Last Magpie and Zoo Look to well and truly rock the decks.

BassLaced presents a one-off boat bash with Soundboy to kick off the summer party season in top style. Shy FX, B.Traits, Breakage, Dismantle, Lazune, Champion, Youngman and more will be jostling for space on the packed line-up. After the four-hour party has docked, the after-party gets going at Concrete, too.

Pacha London Terminus Place, Victoria, SW1V 1JR London Bridge pachalondon.com

Dixie Queen Boat Tower Millenium Pier, EC3N 4DT Tower Hill residentadvisor.net

tegan and sara

the playground festival

rodriguez

GIG

CLUB

GIG

tue, junE 11. 7pm £22

june 7 & 8. 8pm-late £35+

June 7 & 8. 7pm £10+

The Canadian duo ditched the indie rock for their latest album, Heartthrob, which saw them embrace big song, electro-pop desires wholesale. The result landed them at number three on the US billboard chart. New single I Was A Fool is out June 7, and they’re heading out across the UK in support.

There are so many top electronic names on the line-up at this two-day indoor fest, it makes us goofily giddy with excitement: Leftfield (above), Digitalism, Gary Newman, Squarepusher, The Orb, James Lavelle, Juan Atkins Presents Model 500, and Vitalic, with a very special live set to boot, are just a few.

Sixto Rodriguez was a hero to millions who knew little of his overseas success for so long, his story – made famous by last year’s docco Searching For Sugarman – is the stuff of legend.

He’ll play to no fewer than 10,000 of his adoring, long-standing fans here. His music is a tonic for the soul. We need more like him.

The Troxy 490 Commercial Road, E1 0HX Limehouse troxy.co.uk

Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL Brixton o2academybrixton.co.uk

Hammersmith Apollo 45 Queen Caroline Street, W6 9QH Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.net

vienna ditto The buzz so far This Londonbased duo – vocalist Hatty Taylor and guitarist Nigel Firth – had a swift ascent to fame when a demo in April 2009 was played on Radio One, winning them a Tom Robinson Maida Vale slot and an appearance on the BBC Introducing stage at that year’s Glastonbury festival. That November’s debut single Long Way Down cemented their chunky guitar riffs, atmospheric electronica and Taylor’s haunting vocals as heard on follow up EP Liar Liar. Currently beavering away on a debut LP. The Critics say “‘Portishead doing a Tarantino soundtrack’” Huw Stephens, BBC Radio 1 the plug Liar Liar is out now through the band’s website. Play Water Rats. Jun 12. £5 WC1X 8BZ King’s Cross viennaditto.com

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A 4-STAR WEEKEND BREAK FOR TWO IN BOLOGNA, ITALY In celebration of their 50th anniversary and the launch of the new 50th anniversary menu, Ponti’s Italian Kitchen, specialists in cuisine from the Emilia Romagna region, is offering one lucky TNT reader the chance to win a fabulous four-star gourmet weekend for two in Italy.

One lucky reader and their guest will spend three nights in Bologna, the capital city of the Emilia Romagna region and home to the famous dish, spaghetti bolognese. Acclaimed as the food capital of Italy, the prize includes a guided tour of Bologna’s food market, a visit to see Parmigiano Reggiano being made, a private cooking lesson and the opportunity

to learn about the history of Modena’s balsamic vinegar. Of course there’ll also be lots of time to explore this historic city, which boasts the world’s oldest university and an abundance of shops and bars.

Ponti’s Italian Kitchen is passionate and committed to the food and exceptional quality ingredients from its home region, Emilia Romagna.

Provenance is a key part of the menu, with several dishes denoted with the D.O.P logo, the official mark which certifies that the products are genuine speciality products from the region.

So the Parma Ham is from Parma!

Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions p-i-k.co.uk

PREVIOUS WINNERS ONLINE COMPETITION: DORO PHONE: Claire Gray; Andrey Arzumanov; Audrey Boshell

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James Balog

The climate change activist and photographer on the inconvenient truth revealed in new movie Chasing Ice that affects us all INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Your Extreme Ice Survey set up cameras in the harsh environments of Iceland and Greenland to record glacier retreat – how tough was it?

In hindsight it wasn’t too bad but if you had lived in my brain for those first six months of 2007, it was miserable. There was so much stress as I’d made commitments to myself and the donors that I’d do certain projects in a certain timetable. It quickly became clear the electronics [of the cameras] were more difficult than I’d imagined. It took a lot of jiggering around to figure it all out. [Balog had his fourth knee operation during the shooting of Chasing Ice to keep him mobile in the field.]

You’re a climate change activist now, but were initially a sceptic – why so?

I thought the whole thing was a based on computer models which are only as good as the information you put into them. I’m a bit of a luddite – I don’t like the digital age. And it just wasn’t in my frame of reference that people could change the fundamental make-up of our world – I thought the world had been here for hundreds of thousands of years, it’s big and we are small, we can make a few animals extinct but its basic operating system will remain without alteration. But that was 20 years ago and I was wrong – yet that false notion is leading us all over a cliff right now.

Photos: 2005 Extreme Ice Survey/ Svavar Jónatansson

Why are we so opposed to the truth?

There’s a vast amount of money at stake – it’s no secret the industry that sells oil, coal and gas has an enormous interest in keeping the status quo as is. They’re doing just fine – their interest is not in preserving the future of the world.

Why don’t we accept what’s happening?

I don’t think that is the case. US poll numbers show Americans believe in climate change – but a rabid fanatical minority has an outsized voice because they have the money.

Does it make you angry?

Absolutely. Just last night I was watching an [anti-climate change] PBS show and it made me incredibly angry. It’s so greedy and selfish and inexcusable those financial interests say, ‘We don’t care, it doesn’t matter to us.’ The deniers

Wake-up call: Balog’s photos show climate change in action have painted the evidence as coming from esoteric out-there, living-on-a-moonbeam types that we can’t trust, which is just blarney.

What did you initially think the ‘glacier cams’ would show?

We didn’t know what we’d see – maybe some marginal changes in the receding glaciers, hoping it might be interesting by year three. So it was a shock to witness such a huge change almost right away. The degree to which you can see the 3D objects moving away still shocks me.

Is the film a wake-up call?

I hope it is, and that it acts as another piece of evidence that rattles people’s mental cages and makes them realise this is not fictional.

Does recent extreme weather keep the story in the spotlight?

Unquestionably it accelerates public interest in this story. Hurricane Sandy [which struck New York last October] put the knife in the gut on that! But there’s extreme weather all over the world: Syria’s had a severe drought for twothirds of the last decade that contributed to the civil war. Australia has seen extreme events – wildfire cycles, insect infestations.

How urgent is this issue?

When issues touch individual lives and

communities it makes you realise the immediacy.

We all tended to think of this as an issue about small, incremental changes – we’d see more [extreme weather] in a decade or two. But what we are all waking up to in the past couple of years is that this is happening right now.

Are we too disconnected from the natural environment?

We think the majority of the human population is insulated in urban environments, but it’s not, it’s in the rice paddies in Asia and South America.

The ‘colluding’ countries’ populations live in urban environments, where it’s easy to forget while living in temperature-controlled buildings that these issues have real world impacts.

Where are you taking the Extreme Ice Survey next?

We’re expanding to Patagonia and Antarctica where we already have one camera and hope to have another 12 by next year. We have 10 in Argentina and Chile, too. And then we’re off to expand other subject areas that connect with the issue of human causation [of climate change].

There will almost certainly be another film that carries on the story, maybe starting with ice and then zooming forward into other subjects.

Chasing Ice is out on DVD on June 10 through Dogwoof amazon.co.uk

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In bloom: The Stone Roses’ reunion is a fanboy love-in

the stone roses: made of stone FILM review by Dan Thorne Starring: Ian Brown, John Squire, Gary Mounfield, Alan Wren | 15 | 96mins

after earth FILM Starring: Will Smith, Jaden Smith | 12A | 100mins

Sci-fi spectacle starring Will Smith and his real-life son Jaden as father and son crash-landed on a quarantined planet loaded with threats. Let’s hope one of those threats isn’t the film’s director M Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense), once touted as the next Spielberg but now enduring a latter career slump that, at its lowest ebb, saw Mark Wahlberg talk to a pot plant in The Happening.

On general release June 7

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One of the UK’s most loved bands, The Stone Roses, set the British rock scene on fire with their 1989 self-titled debut, and last year’s feverishly anticipated reunion is documented by This Is England filmmaker and Roses mega-fan Shane Meadows.

Live footage and rehearsals look and sound great on the big screen as the build up to the band’s 15-years-in-the-making return to the live scene at Warrington’s Parr Hall last summer, filmed for no apparent reason in black and white, explains why Ian Brown and co. matter.

However, a more neutral point of view to the Nottingham-born filmmaker’s besotted fanboy love might have been beneficial, so too a more definitive history of the band alongside the reformation. The band’s early days are briefly considered and their 1995 The Second Coming LP brushed over – though the grim reality of wheeler-dealer managers and shady contracts has been dealt with previously in the BBC documentary Blood On The Turntable – War Of The Roses.

The Roses seem happy to be playing together again – Meadows leaves some touring squabbles on the cutting room floor – and he does a great job portraying the adoration and magic the band created for fans and critics alike. And the final scene, where the band perform Fools Gold at Manchester’s Heaton Park last year, with 35 cameras swooping across the crowds, is worth the admission price alone.

Good for: Roses fans – newbies might feel uninvited to the party.

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GIVE US A

simon munnery: fylm-makker

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

This fella gets a whopping 10 out of 10 for his wholly inventive way of approaching a comedy show. Does he stand on stage with a mic and tell jokes for an hour? Nope. Does he sit among the audience and project his face on to a screen on stage, flitting between that and a table of objects? Yes. Comedy genius.

Udderbelly Jubilee Gardens, SE1 8XX. June 8. £12.50 Waterloo udderbelly.co.uk

stands alone

to kill a mocking bird

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Arsenal’s former Highbury home now houses 700 flats in Highbury Stadium Square after the Gunners moved to the Emirates. This exhibition,

by Simone Novotny, comprises photos, films and sound recordings that document the lives of the inhabitants of 30 particular flats as they try to build a new community.

Regent’s Park casts its magic and the enduring strengths of Harper Lee’s 30s-set American classic come to the fore in this adaptation.

Robert Sean Leonard (TV’s House) brings a lowkey integrity to small town Alabama defence lawyer Atticus Finch as he tries to protect a fellow man from a fate he doesn’t deserve. LK

Geffrye Museum Kingsland Road, E2 8EA. Until Aug 26. £5+ Old Street geffrye-museum.org.uk

Open Air Theatre NW1 4NR. Until June 15. £25+ Baker Street openairtheatre.org

bridget christie What’s the show about? It’s a charity gig for the Women’s Resource Centre, who lobby the government on women’s issues. Proper work, not like us idiot comedians – when gigs like this come up, I think, “Ah yes, this is why I’m still doing comedy.”

Photos: Nobby Clark / Ed Moore

What’s the strangest show you’ve done? At one Edinburgh show a woman brought her dog in but zipped it up in her handbag. The bag just started moving along the floor so I got it out and carried on with the show but holding the dog.

It was a Yorkshire Terrier. And it yawned whenever I told a joke.

the iceman

RELATIVELY SPEAKING

FILM

THEATRE

Michael Shannon stars as a devoted husband and father who is also a contract killer responsible for the deaths of over 100 people. Sound farfetched? It’s based on the true story of Richard Kuklinski, who was captured by the authorities in 1986, much to the bafflement of his family who had no idea what daddy did for a living. Stellar stuff, with James Franco and Winona Ryder.

It’s lies and misunderstandings in this lively revival of Alan Ayckbourn’s Sixties comedy of betrayal and good manners, accurately reflecting the spirit of the period when pre-marital sex started to become acceptable fun rather than a prelude to marriage. A lot of laughs alongside the darkness of Ayckbourn’s later plays. LK

On general release June 7

Wyndhams Theatre WC2H 0DA. Until Aug 31. £20+ Leicester Square delfontmackintosh.co.uk

What’s the funniest thing you have ever seen? One time I was breastfeeding my newborn in the kitchen when the microwave caught fire. I screamed so my husband, who was in the bath, ran in soaking wet and naked, slipped on the floor and went flying. I nearly burst my stitches I was laughing so much. It was the fact he was naked and wet, but also concerned and confused and then in pain. So many layers of funny.

Comedy Eve! Supporting the Women’s Resource Centre. June 7. £25 The Bloomsbury, WC1H 0AH Euston Square thebloomsbury.com

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In disguise: Wil Anderson or KD Lang?

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Tracer: front to back, Dre Wise, Jett Heysen-Hicks and Mike Brown; right: Brown accepts the Classic Rock Roll of Honour award in London last year

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Young guns Adelaide power trio Tracer tell us about their new album, El Pistolero, being super badass and getting muddy in the UK Words alasdair morton

They picked up the Classic Rock magazine Best New Band award last November, have a stunning new album under their belt in El Pistolero, and are about to land in the UK for a second headline European tour – Tracer are going places.

“This album defines what we’re about and why we’re different to everyone else,” frontman Michael Brown tells us, and he has a point.

The powerhouse trio started out in Adelaide in 2006, recording a couple of EPs – Into The Night and L.A.? – before last year’s long playing debut, Spaces In Between, its trio of singles, Too Much, Devil Ride and Spaces In Between, winning them Planet Rock radio playlisting.

They then headed out on a three-month tour of the northern hemisphere, and wound up winning said Classic Rock Roll of Honour award at the end of the year. But rather than let this success go to their heads, they hunkered down and worked on the follow up, the storming El Pistolero.

“I had this idea to make it a bit more cinematic, and to be based around Robert Rodriguez’s movie Desperado,” guitarist and vocalist Brown says of the album’s gestation.

“We wanted it to have a cool Tex-Mex vibe with our stoner rock sound.”

While the band have taken on a Western vibe in places – especially in the video for lead single El Pistolero, check it out online – summing up their sound as simply stoner is something of a misnomer. There are elements of stoner in there, for sure, amid their classic rock leanings and even grunge influences, like a jam with Soundgarden, Kyuss and Orange Goblin, with Zeppelin joining in. “We have a lot of different approaches,” Brown says of their songwriting.

“That’s why there is such a variety of stuff on the album.”

For their sophomore stab at international superstardom, the band holed up in LA’s Revolver Studios with renowned producer Kevin Shirley, who has Led Zeppelin and Slayer on his CV as well as Down Under stars Silverchair and Cold Chisel.

Brown recalls they were hesitant at first about working with a label-picked knob-twiddler. “We weren’t familiar with how Kevin worked and so we were apprehensive. But in the studio he was immediately one of the group – and he swore like a machine.”

The album was recorded in an ultra-short seven days, Shirley working the band hard and capturing their famous live assault on record for the first time.

“We had been used to recording a part then going into the control room and really scrutinising it, but with Kevin it was more like, ‘Yeah, cool, we got it!’. [El Pistolero] is more balls to the wall [as a result] and closer to what we do on stage. It should translate really well to the live environment.”

Tracer’s sound has always been about the live show, their wall of noise belying their modest three-piece stature. It is

“

This album defines what we’re all about

”

a three-piece, however, that has taken on a different look since the band’s tour last year, with founding bassist Leigh Brown deciding to step down, leaving Brown and drummer Dre Wise to look for a new recruit. ››

tntMagazine.com

25

Smiles away: the boys strike a ‘rawk’ pose; Brown laying down riffs in the studio (below) “It was extreme,” Brown recalls of this tumultuous period.

“We had just lost a third of our band! But we’ve now got Jett [Heysen-Hicks] who fits the bill super well. He is used to playing in a three-piece and understands the Tracer sound. He immediately fit in sonically and personally and we’re looking forward to getting out on the road with him.”

And well they should, as Europe and especially the UK have always been fertile land for Tracer.

“We’ve always had a good run in London,” Brown enthuses of what has already become a firm favourite touring stop for the Adelaiders.

“We thought the UK would be a difficult place to crack into, but we were lucky with the Planet Rock radio support.

London was our first show when we did our first headline tour [last April]. We got off the plane and played the gig at the 800-capacity Islington Academy, which was sold out with people singing our songs back to us – it totally blew us away!”

Tracer have in many ways found their success on these shores, something Brown in part puts down to the music climate back home right now.

“Australia has a strong rock soul, but it’s not popular right

26

“

Oz is full of schmaltzy indie rock right now

”

at the Isle of Wight fest, too. So are they prepared for that unpredictable element summer festival season can throw at you – the Great British weather?

“I’ve seen those pictures of Glastonbury a couple of years ago with everyone covered in mud,” Brown counters with a laugh. “I figure if it gets too muddy I’ll just get muddy too. It looks like fun!”

Tracer have a “cool new album and stage show” to bring back to the UK, which Brown admits is in part influenced by their tour with six-string legend Zakk Wylde and his Black Label Society band last year – “it was like watching what we should be doing, a real learning curve”. So is there anything else the trio are looking forward to when they hit the capital this week?

“We have challenges on every tour,” Brown reveals of their extra curricular hobbies. Setting fire to hotels? Drunken debauchery that would make Jimmy Page shudder?

“The last one was ‘fun with statues’,” Brown says, explaining a time-killing, on-the-road photo game.

“One of us would make out it was blowing us off or something. For the tour coming up it’s about being a super badass and doing stuff that a sign tells you not to do, like ‘Keep off the grass’. Everyone will be able to see what big idiots we really are.”

Big idiots, but ones about to be bloody big rock stars. ❚ El Pistolero is out now through Provogue Records. Tracer play The Scala. June 10. £15 N1 9NL tracer-band.com King’s X

tntMagazine.com

Photos: Getty; bjwok.com

xxx xxxx

now. There is this underground thing full of people who are sick of hearing crappy music on the radio that has no soul.

“There will be one of those revolutions soon when bands come back and people want to hear live music rather than a DJ. But at the moment the climate for rock in Australia is filled with schmaltzy indie rock and that sort of shit!”

With their growing popularity, Tracer have bagged a gig

TNT_1553_027 27

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SPARETIME

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Grid 2: Race Day Edition

Wookie and Exemen: Reworks: The Anthology Volume 1

Game

Much anticipated follow up to the Bafta-award winning Race Driver: Grid. £37 play.com

CD

A compilation of remixes from one of the founding fathers of UK garage. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes

Alice In Chains: The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here

Game

An extra-specially pointyeared caped crusader battles a horde of DC villains. £30.99 amazon.co.uk

CD

Newbie from the Seattle titans who put the monster riffage into grunge. £10.99 amazon.co.uk

Moshcam Android app

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter: The Long War

Live music videos and interviews from the likes of Slash and PJ Harvey.

FREE play.google.com

Book

Sci-fi sequel from the UK’s best selling novelist and SF compatriot Baxter. £18.99 play.com

Haunting Melissa iOS app

A new trend for films as apps begins, with whole movies or ‘chapters’ on offer, such as this creepy ghost tale.

FREE itunes.apple.com

Lauren Conrad: Infamous Book

Third part in this trash-tastic series about an aspiring actress in Hollywood. £12.99 amazon.co.uk

Mus3 Mouse Gadget

Point the arrow where you want to go, literally. £29.99

Gangster Squad

iwantoneofthose.com

DVD

Zombieland director Rueben Fleischer’s entertaining LA gangster flick, with Sean Penn and Josh Brolin. £10.25 play.com

The Last Stand Blu-ray

Check out Arnie’s (wrinkly) return to explosive action carnage in glorious hi-def. £14.14 play.com

Camper van tent Gadget

Under the stars in style. £249.99 menkind.co.uk

App of the Week Xxxxx Whisper Xxxxxx app Android

Like Facebook without names, this anonymous Xxxxxx social portal lets you share the things £xx.xxmedia [web] you think but couldn’t dare confess.

FREE play.google.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

29

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

aerial silks

Why just do a workout when you can learn a circus skill while you’re at it? Aerial silks involves climbing and wrapping yourself up in long stretches of material dangling from the ceiling, getting into all sorts of fancy-looking positions that would gain a spider’s admiration. After a warm-up of stretches, sit-ups, pushups and planks, I am embarrassed to say I was exhausted already.

However, my super-friendly instructor, Hannah, took it relatively easy on me and I was impressed by how much I learned in just one class: two climbs, one inversion (an upside-down pike), and three positions (such as the one pictured below). I even made up a move of my own, which we named ‘The Caroline Roll’, although I am unsure it will catch on. Granted, I only managed to get about half-an-inch off the floor when you’re supposed to be about halfway up the silks, but, hey, it felt high enough. It was good fun, got the brain working (you have to think carefully about what you need to do with the silks), and, judging by the way I was aching the next day, it was a great all-over body workout, too. £20 per class, with packages available.

Mondays 7.40pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays 6.30pm and 7.40pm. CG

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How to woo In this newfangled world of ‘pokes’, ‘winks’ and star ratings, we need to bring back the chivalry Words CAROLINE GARNAR

Having trouble landing yourself a date?

William Sweeting, an etiquette consultant and events manager for royals and dignitaries, shares the good old-fashioned way to woo a woman, plus we suggest a few ideas of our own...

Chatting her up THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY: “A gentleman should always approach a lady first as it would be unseemly if it were the other way around,” says Sweeting, who counts ITV’s Ladette To Lady among his TV appearances.

“To gain the lady’s attention he should send over a glass of champagne to her table with a note. He should then try to gain eye contact and smile, assessing when or if an approach may be appropriate.” Once you’ve exchanged pleasantries, it’s time to “enquire if she might like to meet again”. If she gives you her number, call the next day to say how lovely it was to meet her and that you would be “most interested” in meeting her again.

THE MODERN WAY: You’ve spotted a fox on a dating website, so you give her a cyber-

wink, but wait for her to make the move, or you message her with something witty like, “Hi”. If you’ve spotted her in a public place, you ignore her, or shout “Oi oi!” if you’ve had a few bevvies, then sit back and wait for her to come to you. If you do manage to get her number, you wait a week before texting her: “How’s it going?”

THE TNT WAY: Drop her a message if you are online dating. Take time to actually read her profile and refer to it in your message, drawing on what you’ve got in common or by making a suggestion of a place you think she might like to visit. A sign of a sense of humour is always a bonus. In the real world, give her a big grin and, if she responds with a smile, go up to her and introduce yourself.

Simple as that. Get her number and call her within two days to arrange your first date.

The first date THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY: Sweeting advises: “A gentleman should offer to collect the lady for the first date and he should come bearing flowers, which is always a most

The Wilditch Centre, Culvert Road, Battersea, SW11 5BB Battersea Park flyingfantastic.co.uk

Modern-day gent: William Sweeting 30

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First pash: get better at online dating

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WHAT’S NEW

Barry M gelly nails Nail brights this summer £3.99 barrym.com

It’s in his kiss: 82% of women and 75% of men said that they would like to kiss on their first date, according to a poll by muddymatches.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock; J. Harry Edminston Photography

acceptable gift. The first date ought to be the theatre followed by dinner.

“During the date, a gentleman should always allow the lady precedence; he should always pull out her chair and stand when she does. In topics of conversation one always recommends showing interest in the lady’s hobbies, her work and her family. One should not talk too much about oneself.”

After dinner, “the gentleman should ensure that the lady gets safely to her mode of transport”. Kissing on a first date is a nono, with Sweeting advising you wait three dates to make the move for your first kiss.

THE MODERN WAY: You arrange to meet her in your local and rock up 15 minutes late. You buy the first round, down your pint and wait for her to buy the next, and after

talking about yourself for a couple of hours you stick your tongue down her throat.

THE TNT WAY: Arrange to meet her at the closest Tube station and walk her to a cool bar or pub that you love and think she will too. Buy most of – but not necessarily all – the drinks and ask her a lot of questions about herself, as well as being open about yourself when she asks. You can have a smooch on the first date, but make sure she’s NEXT WEEK willing! If you’d like to see her again, say Area guide: that at the end of the lowdown on date and follow up living in Bow the next day.

TOP FIRST DATE DEAL BREAKERS

Heaven bee venom mask The latest anti-ageing poison £25.30 heavenskincare.com

Walls lip balm Make your lips lick-worthy £2.50 primark.co.uk

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top treatment: eyelash extensions Sick of getting mascara under your eyes after a swim, sleep or ‘sweaty moment’? Eyelash extensions are the answer. Careful to get the exact look you want, so you don’t look like a member of TOWIE unless you want to, the pros at Lash Bar made my lashes look full and fluttery with no need for mascara. They took an hour to apply and last 2-6 weeks. Warning: once you get them you will never go back to plain old lashes again. £60 for a half-set.

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Swissdent toothcream Get pearly whites overnight £20 boots.co.uk tntMagazine.com

31

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Happy campers: you’ll be smiling too if you take on a paid summer holiday

Carry on camping Escape your dreary 9-5 and spend your days tearing around the great outdoors at a summer camp in Canada words caroline garnar Whether this is your first or your fifth year in England, it’s hard to adjust to its poor excuse for a summer. So why not escape on a holiday that you get paid to take and adds to your CV, too?

Summer camps are a great option, giving you the chance to travel, get active outdoors, and earn money for the privilege. But we’re not just talking about the usual Camp America. TNT checks out their friendly neighbours for something a little different...

Why Canada?

As well as being seriously stunning, the Canadian landscape is a giant playground for adventure-seekers, with activities such as horseriding, canoeing, climbing and trekking on offer. “Canada has a huge amount of untouched wilderness that you get to explore,” says Jonathan Nyquist, founder of NYQuest 32

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(go-nyquest.com), which helps place applicants in 55 camps across North America. “Our participants get a chance to travel before and/or after their work experience and there is no shortage of amazing places to visit.”

What are the camps like?

It depends what experience you want: NYQuest matches your needs and preferences with the camps it has on its books, so it’s worth filling out your application form with the camp you want in mind. Some examples are Camp Summit (campsummit. ca) in British Columbia, which is the rock climbing capital of Canada; you can sleep in tipis at YMCA Camp Chief Hector (ymcacalgary.org) in Alberta; Camp Timberlane in Ontario (camptimberlane.ca) has tennis, hockey and baseball, and Camp White Pine

(campwhitepine.com) has drama and a ‘School of Rock’. Or, for a really rewarding experience, there are camps such as the Tim Horton Children’s Ranch in Alberta. Belinda Brand, an Australian who spent three months in the latter camp, tells us: “There is now a time in my life that I refer to as ‘BC’ – before camp. Before camp, I had never been to Canada. Before camp, I’d never interacted with children who essentially have nothing, and I’d never been able to be an agent for change in those same children’s lives. Before camp, I was a different person.”

What jobs are there?

Counsellors are the most hands-on of the staff: they work directly with the campers, take them on trips and join in with all the activities.

Then there are specialists, who

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job adam caird

Career Musician and business owner Age 35 Lives Crouch End From London

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Row your boat: canoe in Canada

Rock out: channel Jack Black at the School of Rock in Camp White Pine

to work at a camp in will have a particular Canadian work permit activity skill, and so they canada you must... fee and background • Be available to travel by June 24 and medical check fees. will regularly host that and work until at least August 22 activity session for all With NYQuest, • Be age 19-27 by June 1 of the the camp’s groups. your application fee placement year Support staff do and programme fee • Have a clean criminal record the hard graft, such as totals CA$600 (£385), • Be in good physical and the kitchen duties and although if you return psychological health general maintenance. to the same camp the • Be able to work long hours with following year, the If you have a skill children and teenagers that you think could programme fee for • Be comfortable leading activities that season is waived. be useful at a summer • Be willing to have a go at a wide The company also camp, it’s always worth range of sports and wilderness getting in touch. offers a flight assist camping experiences While many Canadian programme, where • Be able to speak good English summer camps start it pays for your flight their recruitment drives upfront and then between eight and nine months prior deducts it from your camp salary. to the season, there’s often need for How do I apply? “top-up” staff. Still, to be in with the best chance, you want to be making NYQuest has closed its official your applications as early as the applications for the season, but it’s previous September. worth getting in touch with the camp you want, just in case they are looking What’s the pay? for someone with your skill set. To start planning for summer 2014, sign up You do this for the experience, not the at go-nyquest.com so that money, as camp counsellors earn up you receive an to CA$1600 (£1000) for an 8-10 week NEXT WEEK email alert when summer placement, while support applications staff earn up to CA$1700 (£1100). On Career juggling: the plus side, your accommodation re-open in meet an Aussie and meals are all covered, plus health October pop star/ lawyer insurance, transportation, training this year. and phone and internet. The costs MORE SUMMER HOLIDAY JOBS you have to cover include your return tntmagazine.com/summer-jobs flight, application fee, programme fee,

How did you get into your line of work?

I trained and worked as a classical musician before deciding that there was a need for more small venues for musicians in London. [Caird now owns Camden music venue and restaurant, The Forge And Foundry, with his wife, Charlotte.]

What do you do day-to-day?

I mainly seem to either run around the building making sure everything is going smoothly and everyone is OK, or I hide away so I can actually get some work done!

What’s the most rewarding part of the job?

Seeing people enjoying what we have created.

What’s the most challenging?

Keeping everyone happy! foundrycamden.co.uk

How to... find a job

online

Your dream job could be one click away...

• Be flexible. By expanding your

search area or keywords, you could open up a whole host of new job opportunities.

• Applying online can feel like

you’re sending your details into a black hole. Don’t be afraid to call or send an email asking if your application has been received.

• Try using specific phrases from the job description within your CV so that it’ll show up if HR does an automatic search.

tntMagazine.com

33

tntjobs.co.uk T: 01635 248407 www.acornfurniturehire.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Driver/Manual Location: Based near Newbury, Berkshire Salary: £60 per day pre tax includes accommodation if required

We supply dancefloors, bars, chairs, tables, sofas, etc on a temporary basis to the events industry, weddings and private parties.

Work permit & 7.5ton lorry & trailer licence essential. Immediate start to end September/possibly end December. Join a young team delivering, installing and removing furniture. Must be fit and strong – lifting involved.

ACORN FURNITURE HIRE LTD

Paddy Chichester | 07808 182580/01635 248407 | sales@acornfurniturehire.com

CLARENDON HOME CARE LTD T: 020 8546 2208 www.clarendonhomecare.com Clarendon Home Care is an established, family run care provider and we have clients across Surrey.

SIMPLY CREW www.acornfurniturehire.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-in Home Care Assistant Location: Surrey Salary: £470-£590 per week You provide round the clock care to support people (mainly the elderly) living in their own homes with all aspects of their daily living.

Sharon Mccarthy | 020 8546 2208 | recruitment@clarendonhomecare.com Please apply at www.clarendonhomecare.com/working-for-us

JOB OF THE WEEK: Events Crew Location: London Salary: £10ph

WE provider experienced support crew members and is primarily focused on the Special Events and Production industry.The founder has personal experience in this industry and is often found getting his hands dirty.

Role includes loading/unloading equipment, rigging/de-rigging equipment, AV, sound/ lighting. Building/dismantling stages, set and marquees. Candidates must be well presented, reliable, diligent, puntual. Due to the demands of the job you must be fit and healthy. Fluent English is a must. You must be prepared to work weekends and unsociable hours.

CMT LEARNING

JOB OF THE WEEK: Residential Retail Manager Location: Staffordshire & Reading Salary: Up to £500 per week dependent on experience

www.cmtlearning.com CMT Learning operates sport and language summer camps for children from all over the world in partnership with leading sports organisations.

jeremy@simplycrew.co.uk

Experienced retail manager required take complete control over all aspects of product sales at CMT camps this summer including camp shop, souvenir and photograph purchases. Full-board included. Please send CVs to: Rachel Godber | recruitment@cmtlearning.com

www.care24seven.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Carers Location: Across London – Head Office Chiswick 020 8912 4642 Salary: Fair rates of pay available

Dynamic Care Company is recruiting experienced LIVE IN & OUT carers within London.

You are expected to provide care to the elderly in their own home. We are currently recruiting carers who can be dynamic and have good communication skills.

Work within the guidelines of the company policies e procedures.

CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 4642

Please forward your CV to max@care24seven.com

SKI JOBS FRANCE T: 07824 68 1228 www.skijobsfrance.com.au Ski Jobs France supports Aussies, Kiwis and Canadians to organise a working holiday in France. Guaranteed job or your money back.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Ski Jobs in France Location: French Alps Salary: Competitive Package Employers are recruiting now for ski jobs in hotels, bars, restaurants, chalets, airport transfers & ski shops. Dec to May. French speaking not essential, but helps.

Assistance applying for French visa. Escape the grey British winter.

Visit www.skijobsfrance.com.au for more info & email info@skijobsfrance.com.au

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

TNT_1553_034 34

JOBS 31/05/2013 18:04:17

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

ROYAL ASCOT DISCOUNT Planning on poshing it up for Royal Ascot later this month? You can soak xxxxxxxxx up the atmosphere of the Royal Meeting for Xxxxxxxxxxx less with our awesome TNT Exclusive offer.

Grandstand admission ticket, Pavilion Club xxxxxxxxx badge, complimentary afternoon tea, private Xxxxxxxxxxx bar, free Racecard and evening party are just £85pp (a saving of £37pp) if you book with the code xxxxxxxxx TNTRA2013. Valid for tickets bought for Tuesday Xxxxxxxxxxx June 18 or Wednesday June 19. Tickets must be purchased by Friday June 14. Visit ascot.co.uk or xxxxxxxxx call 01344 878 536. You’re welcome! More on the Xxxxxxxxxxx event on P6. thongs on sale At some point this Great British summer, there is the chance it’ll get warm, in which case you’ll need some nice new thongs. Matalan is selling Havaianas for just £10 on its website right now (and will continue to do so while stocks last). They tend to cost anywhere from £16 to £26 elsewhere, so even with the £3.50 delivery fee it’s a saving, or you can collect in-store for free. Bargain.

Check out matalan.co.uk for more info.

LIFESTYLEMONEY

Daniel Vallejo, 22

Job Professional clarinetist & part-time fruit and veg trader From Spain Lives London How do you budget?

I try to spend no more than £200 a month on food.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

I go to Asda, or I’ll go for Tesco’s Value. Sometimes I don’t eat! No, not really, but I do always go for reduced items. And I can’t really afford meat.

What was your last big blow-out?

Last Saturday I went to Piccadilly Circus and spent all of my wages on beer and vodka.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

I like buying classical music, though I wouldn’t call that non-essential.

how THEY spend it!

A girl’s best friend Jessica Chastain wore a sapphire Bulgari necklace worth almost £4m to the Cannes Film Festival. It had been a 40th birthday present to Elizabeth Taylor from Richard Burton

Big bucks: Chastain wears Liz’s bday bling

❚ The sapphire isn’t the only bling that Burton lavished on Taylor during their stormy years together. He also bought her a pearl, ruby and diamond necklace by Cartier that sold for nearly £8m at Christie’s in 2011.

❚ She might have only borrowed her sparklers for the night, but Jennifer Garner cut an expensive figure at this year’s Oscars, where she wore £1.6m-worth of platinum jewellery by Neil Lane.

❚ Kanye West is another bloke who likes to cover his girl in diamonds. He bought baby mama Kim Kardashian £43,000 of jewellery on a trip to the Cartier store in Paris.

❚ Kelly Osbourne reportedly splashed out £165,000 on a manicure using polish infused with 267 carats of black diamonds. Hope it didn’t chip.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

35

WORLDVIEW

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Big smiles: Aussies

australia ‘happiest place in the world’ Australia

If you’re looking for happiness, a move back to Australia might be on the cards. Apparently the country is the best place to live in the world if you want a smiley face, according to the OECD Better Life Index.

Impressively, it was ranked number one among industrialised developed economies for the third year running, beating Sweden and Canada for the top spot.

The survey took into account life expectancy (average of 82) plus the fact a higher than average 73 per cent of the 23 million people aged 15 to 64 have a job. tweets of the week @BarclaysBible Gary Lineker: “Football is a simple game, 22 men chase a ball around for 90 minutes and in the end, the Germans win” @bratfourie Australian claims to be Jesus. If this is true, the wine industry is in trouble! @AntonyMCurrie Geeks are inheriting the earth – Jesus is apparently an Aussie ex-IT man. Repent!

‘rate your shag’ facebook page shut united kingdom

There’s always one killjoy. The Loughborough University ‘Rate your shag’ Facebook page has, sadly, closed.

It was created so people could boast about their sexual conquests or even name a particularly disappointing encounter.

Around 2500 Leicestershire students liked the page in just two days. But now Facebook has pulled it down after receiving complaints.

With tales of sordid sex during fresher’s 36

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Cheesetastic: Aussie Caleb Stalder won the cheese rolling event down Cooper’s Hill in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, picking up the gold in the second race of the day. “I can’t believe I got the cheese. It’s awesome,” he said. A crowd of 2000 turned out to watch the annual event, which dates back to the 1800s

weeks, the page stated: “Loughborough, here’s your opportunity to let everyone know who is good in bed, and who really isn’t. Rate your shag from 1 to 10, and add comments and gossip.”

The National Union Of Students said the comments were “not funny in the slightest” and “tantamount to bullying”.

viewers pissed off by violent gnome ad sweden

A TV ad by Ikea featuring gratuitous gnome-smashing violence has been flagged up by the Advertising Standards Agency after complaints.

The Time For Change advert, part of the flat-pack furniture company’s Say No To Gnomes campaign, shows the

homeowners waging war against menacing gnomes causing mischief in their garden.

The couple, who are refurbishing their back yard, take revenge by smashing them.

Nearly 50 complaints were made to ASA. One upset viewer said the ad was “offensive, unsuitable for children, frightening, violent and encouraged emulation and anti-social behaviour”.

Ikea’s UK marketing manager Peter Wright said: “We thought it was clearly fanciful and light-hearted.

We also didn’t share the view that it would encourage or condone violence or anti-social behaviour and was unlikely to upset kids.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 81

Amount, in millions of pounds, bagged by one incredibly lucky EuroMillions jackpot winner in the UK

Number of times serial thief Robert Knowles, 66, from Devon, has been jailed over the past 54 years

330

Zombie apocalypse: it’s coming...

LIVING DEAD TO HOP ACROSS THE TASMAN

36

NEW ZEALAND

The adrenalin capital of the world could soon become the home of the waking dead thanks to a few Aussie zombie enthusiasts.

Apocalypse Events is aiming to stage its first zombie apocalypse in New Zealand in which participants either take part as brain hungry undead, or as the last remaining survivors of the apocalypse.

The choice to hop across the Tasman is due to the banning of Airsoft guns in Oz. Spokesman Ross Gibson said: “We want people from all over to ... test their skills, to make their own choices in a story that they will remember for the rest of their lives.”

Check it out at wakingdead.co.nz.

ROADTRIP FOR ROCKY THE QUAKE ROCK

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

NEW ZEALAND

A rock weighing 25 tonnes that landed on a house during the Christchurch earthquake is about to embark on a two-day road trip, where it will meet its new ‘adopted’ family, and spend Thursday night at a pub.

No joke. The basalt rock, nicknamed Rocky, was sold on Trade Me by homeowner Phil Johnson, raising more than £32,000 for the Red Cross relief fund.

He’ll be making the trip to the rock’s new home at Mount Hutt Ski Field where winning bidders NZSki live. Ski area manager James McKenzie said: “We’re

Height, in metres, of the edge of a cliff at which Kevin Krupitzer, 17, from Arizona, was pictured extreme ironing

Time, in years, blood and muscle tissue from a woolly mammoth spent buried in a Siberian ice tomb found last week

Rock hard: Rocky anticipating a fair few people will turn out to see him on his long-awaited road trip and maybe even join us for a beer.”

Rocky also has his own Facebook page with nearly 3000 likes.

BEWARE THE BELARUS BEAVER BELARUS

A fisherman was attacked and killed by a beaver as he tried to pose with it for a photograph.

The victim spotted the creature while he was driving to a lake near the capital, Minsk, and thought it would make a good photo, so stopped his vehicle.

However, as the 60-year-old tried to grab the beaver for a pose, it bit the man with its razor-sharp teeth, slicing an artery and causing him to bleed to death.

A booming beaver population has led to a string of attacks on people in Belarus, but the fisherman is believed to be the first victim to die. Let that be a warning to you.

10,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK I love fast cars – I drive a Porsche 997 Turbo – but I am claustrophobic Holly Valance on why, clearly, it sucks to be a rich celebrity

TNT’s website is bursting with hilarious weblols, awesome travel features and news from home.

Do yourself a favour and get your peepers pointed at the genius of tntmagazine.com – ASAP.

E C A F R E Y INTER out our website at n’t stop here – check

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EXCLUSIVE FEATURES TNTmagazine.com is the best place to catch up on news from Down Under, and the most hilarious stories from across the web

CHECK OUT COMEDIAN WIL ANDERSON’S BEST BITS To celebrate the Aussie comedian’s longest run in the UK we’ve gathered his funniest moments

.com/yeti tntmagazine GRAB A DEAL

LOOKING FOR GREAT DEALS ON WEST END THEATRE TICKETS? Then check out TNT’s top-notch theatre tickets service for great late deals and amazingly low prices

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MYTNT – YOUR TNT

ALL THE OUTDOOR CINEMAS AND THEATRES IN LONDON Find out where London’s best outdoor cinemas and theatrical performances are on this summer

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MORE LAST-MINUTE TRAVEL DEALS THAN YOU CAN TAKE Looking for a getaway and don’t want to pay top whack? We’ve got massive deals for all budgets

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COMING SOON: Our revamped social networking, blogging and forum site where you can meet expats, share photos and more

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: HELEN ELFER helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Alarming: Assange for senate seat

Julian Assange: from leaker to leader?

Photos: Getty

Impressive ideas don’t necessarily make for great leadership There’s no doubt Julian Assange embodies many of the qualities people look for in a leader. A commitment to government transparency and exposing corruption.

Bravery. Vision. Intelligence. All ticks for the WikiLeaks founder. This goes a long way towards explaining why, according to a new poll, 26 per cent of Australians said they would vote for him to enter the senate in the next election.

But Assange also comes with a whole heap of baggage that no one in their right mind would imagine compatible with a high-level position in politics. To name a few: unresolved rape charges (which he denies); a notorious ability to piss off even the staunchest of his allies; appalling relations with most of the rest of the Australian government. Oh, and the small matter of him facing arrest the second he steps outside the small building he’s been holed up in for almost a year. So, um, not actually in a position to take the job.

Problematic, no?

Assange has not left Ecuador’s embassy in London since last June, and he must remain there if he wants to avoid extradition to Sweden to answer allegations over sexual assault.

His absence in Australian parliament would mean his seat would have to be declared vacant, meaning someone else, yet unnamed, from his party would have to take it.

So what do this 26 per cent mean when they say they’d vote for him? They’re not fussed about who would take the seat? That they don’t really know enough about his circumstances to realise he’s almost certainly unable to do the job? It’s baffling, and that’s before you even consider those who’ve worked closely with Assange say he displays alarming attitudes towards his own accountability. He “sees the world as being ‘with us or against us’” according to socialite Jemima Khan (who lost £20,000 when Assange jumped bail) and is intent on “silencing dissent” says Guardian journo and ex-colleague James Ball.

He may have done admirable work with WikiLeaks, but a vote for him as senator is a reckless and inappropriate way of showing support for his ideals. » Agree or disagree? Would you vote for Assange? letters@tntmagazine.com

KIWI CARTOONIST DEFENDS RACISM

BY BEING RACIST The cartoonist accused of being racist has hit back at critics, with a defence that shows he hasn’t even begun to even grasp the concept.

Al Nisbet’s cartoons, published in New Zealand’s Marlborough Express, showed a dark-skinned family, assumed to be Maori or Pasifika, talking about how the free breakfast programme would help them ease their poverty, while sitting by lottery tickets, cigarettes and empty beer cans.

Critics naturally slammed the cartoons for their blatant racial stereotyping. Nisbet’s bizarre comeback was simply to describe

“

No grasp of what racism actually is

”

his ‘thinking’ process. He said: “I just see it as humour and a bit of a joke. I basically just tried to work out ... the sort of people who would try to get away with something like that ...“ ...and decided it would be Maoris or Pasifikas. That’s precisely what people are criticising you for, moron.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

39

Holy moly!

TNT speaks to ‘Jesus’ – AKA Aussie AJ – about why he believes he’s the messiah WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Alan John Miller doesn’t have a beard or walk around wearing a white tunic – but the fact the former IT worker claims he’s Jesus Christ is causing quite a stir Down Under.

The 50-year-old Aussie also purports his girlfriend, Mary Luck, is really repentant prostitute Mary Magdalene who the Bible says was present at Jesus’s crucifixion in the first century. The media spotlight last week began to shine on Miller, who prefers to be called AJ, or ‘Yeshua ben Yosef’, said to be Jesus’s real name. About a three-hour drive from Brisbane – dubbed Queensland’s ‘Bible Belt’ – is where the couple have set up the Divine Truth, holding seminars which attract up to 150 people in a property which was bought for £253,000 in 2009 with public donations.

“My name is Jesus and I’m serious,” AJ, a divorced father of two says. “Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time. Because of my personal desire and passion for god, as I grew, I recognised not only that I was the messiah foretold by ancient prophets, but also that I was in a process designed by god that all humans could follow, if they so desired.”

He adds: “We don’t believe we were Mary Magdalene or Jesus, but we believe we are [them]. We had an opportunity to return to the planet.” It’s a bold claim, a controversial allegation which AJ seemingly believes to be fact – so where has he been for the past 2000 years? In the spirit world, of course. “Mary and I had a life in the spirit world, and we took over 1900 years to reach the soul union state in the 22nd sphere or dimension – the only state from which reincarnation can occur,” AJ says matter-of-factly. “Once we reached that state, in 1935 on Earth, we decided to return and, after waiting for others to reach the same state of soul union in the spirit world, we began the process.”

AJ says that although he had memories such as “nails being driven into his feet” from the age of two, he dismissed these ‘flashbacks’ until he was older. He says he was 42 40

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before he could really accept who he was. A controversial revelation which reportedly led to his mother calling the authorities, asking for him to be sectioned into a mental health institute. However, tests revealed he was sane.

So what about that walking on water display? And turning wine into water? Showboating or miracle? Neither apparently – they didn’t happen, according to AJ. “All the stories involving what I would call ‘supernatural feats’ were not true,” he explains.

What about all the healing? Was that just to pad out the big book as well? No, that stuff was real. “All those

“

I never walked on water – it’s not true

”

stories involving cripples and blind people and other physical ailments including loss of limbs and all of those stories are all true,” AJ reveals.

The overall message in AJ’s seminars is how people can have a greater relationship with god. “We bring to you a knowledge of god’s laws of divine love,” he says. And it’s a message many move thousands of miles to hear.

George Hamel, for example, left California for Australia, leaving behind his wife and business. He says people have nothing to fear from AJ’s teachings.

“It’s natural that people form fears when they don’t know about something,” he says. “Anyone who has a chance to look into it isn’t going to find anything too upsetting.”

Louise ‘Luli’ Faver, 39, a former neuroscientist from the UK, gave up her career to travel to AJ in Australia. She says: “It’s just nice, instead of being surrounded by people who think you’re nuts, to be surrounded by people who

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In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same.

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understand what you’re going through and the difficulties of trying to deal with all of our emotional stuff.”

So how does Luli fund her lifestyle? The Divine Truth website explains: “Luli does not have any other source of income aside from your donations and gifts, and she provides every service free of charge. Your donations in this section go directly towards Luli’s living expenses. This allows Luli to do her voluntary work full-time.”

AJ and Mary say they have no other source of income except for donations, and seminars and workshops are free to attend. They publish financial records on their website, which for 2012 includes more than £126,000 in donations – from which they spent £22,000 on travelling, spreading their message, as well as £7500 making and editing DVDs so their views can go global.

“We believe the ‘Truth that sets you free’ should also be free of financial fees,” the website adds.

However, it’s not enough to convince everyone. Reverend David Millikan, who has studied cults for 30 years, was interviewed by Sky News about AJ, who he has met. Millikan believes people have a lot to lose by following the Divine Truth teachings. He said: “The danger is you’ll be drawn closer and closer into his web to a point that you lose access to your social life, you spend all your money, you’ll have the curses of all your family ringing in your ears and you may well lose your relationship.”

And the website aj-miller.com claims AJ runs a cult, adding: “The best defence against organisations such as ‘Divine Truth’ is through education.”

Defiant to his critics, AJ tells Sky News: “There were lots of people in the first century who didn’t believe I was the messiah and were offended by what I said – and in fact I died at the hands of some of them. Unfortunately they didn’t learn love either and my suggestion is, even if you don’t believe I am Jesus, at least learn how to love.”

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Controverisal: AJ and Mary Luck, who claim they are Jesus and Mary Magdalene

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41

SPORTNEWS

Punchy: Kimi Raikonnen hits out

FORMULA ONE GOES TO CANADA

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Hollywood actor Will Smith takes a penalty at Wembley Stadium to open the UEFA Champions Festival, which marked the Champions League final between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund at the west London venue. Bayern won the match 2-1.

MOTOR RACING

There will be no shortage of drama at this weekend’s Canadian Grand Prix.

With tyres being a constant fixture in this season’s debate after a number of disintegrations and some teams claiming tyre management has become the main focus of racing, Pirelli are testing a new rear tyre this weekend in Montreal. Not in the Sunday race, though, but in the Friday warm-up, meaning this rubber-roulette saga has some way to go – not least with Ferrari and Red Bull. They claimed rivals Mercedes enjoyed an illegal tyre test between the Spanish and Monaco Grand Prixs, when the Italian tyre manufacturer used the German team for their own tests.

Mercedes’ Nico Rosberg and Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettell will be looking to add to their one-two on last week’s podium, with Rosberg in particular hoping to claw back some of the 15 points on the drivers board that separate his seventh place from team mate Lewis Hamilton in fourth.

The Brit will be out to make a point of his own, too, after his big money summer move from McLaren to the German team.

Brazilian Felipe Massa will be aiming to finish after crashing out so spectacularly last weekend (it was down to a suspension issue and not driver error, Ferrari has subsequently said). And then there’s the small matter of the rift between Kimi Raikonnen and Sergio Perez.

Raikonnen hit out at McLaren’s Perez and his error-laden performance last week, which included a collision with the Lotus driver, saying perhaps “someone should punch him in the face” to teach him a lesson. Leave it on the track, guys!

Canadian Grand Prix, Sunday June 9, 7pm. Live on BBC 1.

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IT’S LOOKING ALL BLACK FOR THE KIWIS CRICKET

New Zealand’s 170-run defeat in the first Test looked bad, until they followed it with a 247-run defeat in the second, meaning this week’s third One Day International is their last chance to claim some pride out of their visit to the northern hemisphere.

After last Friday’s first ODI at Lord’s – not a favourite place for the NZ squad right now after their first Test mauling – and the second ODI at Southampton’s Rose Bowl last Sunday, Brendon McCullum’s men go into this Wednesday’s Trent Bridge face-off wanting to sign off on a high note.

England v New Zealand ODI Series, Wed June 5, 1.30pm. Sky Sports 1 HD.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

As we go into the second week of the French Open, Rafa Nadal is gunning for a historic eighth win in Paris.

No one’s won more than seven titles at the same slam – Roger Federer and Pete Sampras both have seven Wimbledon titles – so Nadal would enter the history books should he triumph in the final this weekend. He’ll be hoping that pesky knee problem that’s troubled him for years stays quiet.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK A step back to the dark ages of two lines of four Former England striker Gary Lineker slams Roy Hodgson’s side after their flat draw against Ireland and warns that if England insist on playing 4-4-2, plenty more hidings lay in wait

Bale was born to play in Madrid

L to R: Lions’ first clash captain Paul O’Connell and coach Warren Gatland

PREVIEW BRITISH & IRISH LIONS VS WESTERN FORCE LIONS TOUR

JUNE 5, SKY SPORTS 1 The Lions tour is underway and after a money-spinning clash against the Barbarians in Hong Kong, Warren Gatland’s men land in Australia where the real work begins.

And it kicks off with what many are hailing as the tour’s biggest gimmie, against the Western Force, who currently languish bottom of the Super Rugby Australian Conference.

The Lions will be keen to set a marker for the rest of series and Michael Foley’s

men will be desperate to kickstart their season and avoid the wooden spoon.

Force will be buoyed by recent victories over the Reds, Crusaders, and a last gasp win against the Highlanders. But while their centres Nonu and Ellison will be a stern test for whichever pairing the Lions put out, the Lions pack should have far too much for the struggling Highlanders’ forwards.

While many predict a rout, it could be that the strength of the Lions’ bench will settle it. Though Force could spring a surprise if their mammoth flying fullback Jayden Hayward is on form.

THE CHAT | Preposterous pommie press

Galaticos president Florentino Perez sparked speculation that the Welsh wizard could be swapping the lily-white kit of Tottenham Hotspur for the strip of Los Blancos next season

I thought I needed glasses so I went to the doctors. They sent me for a scan and they found a brain tumour.

It was pretty horrifying Aussie halfback Scott Dureau on his return to top flight action with Catalan Dragons following surgery to remove a brain tumor from behind his eye. The NSW native even ran in a try in his man-of-the-match comeback game

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET The pommie press seems to think the Lions Q tour is going to be a complete cakewalk.

What’s their freakin’ problem?

Thanks for the slightly leading question, and yes they do.

A Despite their inconsistent performance during last year’s end of year internationals, the Wallabies still had enough to edge out Wales, and comfortably beat England and France. But the impression in the UK is that Australia hasn’t got the pack to beat the Lions. Problem is, a couple of injuries and that pack is all of a sudden far less imposing than the English press like to think. They also tend to forget that if the Aussies’ kicking game works, and they can recycle the ball quickly enough, they will keep the pack’s part to a minimum.

England v New Zealand One-day international Sat, 10.30am, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY Brumbies v Hurricanes Super Rugby Fri, 10.30am, Sky Sports 3

TENNIS Will Genia be key?

French Open finals The climax of this year’s tournament Sun, 3pm, ITV TNTMAGAZINE.COM

43

Down to The Wire Michael Monaghan explains the Super League’s class gap, his brother Joel’s turnaround and taking on London Broncos this weekend WORDS MICHAEL GADD

It’s a tale of two rugby league cities when Warrington Wolves play London Broncos on Saturday. One is sitting third on the Super League table looking to build on what Aussie Michael Monaghan calls a “slow” start to their season. The other is propping up the bottom of the ladder, looking to turn their talent into wins. One comes from rugby league’s heartland, the other is fighting for attention in a town where football is god.

This explains why, when TNT suggests Warrington aren’t going too bad with 10 rounds to go before the play-offs, the former Manly hooker politely says otherwise.

“We started the season slow,” he says. “We were still winning games, but we lost some we shouldn’t have and weren’t playing as well as we’d like to.”

Surprise losses to Hull KR, Widnes and St Helens are among the Wolves’ 2012/13 disappointments. Still, they’re improving, as a dominant win over St Helens showed recently.

But the bar is set high, and has been since 2009, when the team once known as ‘The Wire’ due to the city’s former main industry won the Challenge Cup, their first trophy in 35 years.

Monaghan, 32, won the Lance Todd Trophy for man of the match that day, in his second season at the club.

“The last few years we’ve set some standards people now expect from us, and we expect it too,” Monaghan explains.

“The question is being asked if we’re as good as we’re supposed to be, and fair enough. We have to play better.”

The Warrington that now scoffs at third and only shoots for silverware is a flip from what it was six years ago, Monaghan says. “It’s certainly changed from the first season I was here. The club’s improved every year. Since then we’ve won three Challenge Cups and made a grand final. Every year I’ve seen improvement, which is what we’re going for.”

The obvious difference was Australian former England coach Tony Smith, who joined from Leeds Rhinos in 2009.

He’s added quality to his squad every year since, including 44

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signing England half-back Richie Myler in 2010, and veteran fullback Brett Hodgson and Michael’s brother Joel Monaghan in 2011.

For Smith, the signing of Joel, 31, may have been brave given his exit from the Canberra Raiders the year before following a Twitter picture controversy involving a dog licking his genitals (look it up on the internet if you must), but the coach has been rewarded for giving the winger a shot – a return of 70 tries in 74 matches isn’t too shabby.

“He’s definitely come over in not so great circumstances, but I think most of that’s passed him by now,” Michael says of the 190cm flyer who played five times for Australia. “He’s really enjoying the lifestyle over here now and the different type of footy.

“The NRL’s the best rugby league competition, but the style of play in the Super League is probably more exciting, with more space for wingers where he’s not an extra forward trying to make yards, which he enjoys.

“It’s the best club for him to come to after what happened in Australia – he’s got good mates here, played with [club captain] Adrian Morley in Oz, [and I] obviously may have helped him settle quicker than he may have somewhere else.”

Last year, they were joined by Kangaroos and NSW rep Trent Waterhouse, but it’s not just personnel that makes Warrington strong, Monaghan adds. Behind the scenes is also key. “Our owner [music promoter Simon Moran] invested in our facilities, and it’s what makes the difference between the top and the bottom clubs,” he says.

“If you’ve got an owner willing to spend money on facilities and up to the salary cap on players, it gives you a massive advantage. We played in Wakefield recently and the changing rooms weren’t big enough to fit our team. There was one toilet for 25 blokes and staff. That why there’s a disparity between the clubs.”

Clockwise: Michael Monaghan in action for Wolves; celebrating his Carnegie Cup Challenge Final triumph; brother Joel breaks away for Wolves against Huddersfield

A look back at the past three years illustrates that gap between the top four or five sides. In 2010, Wigan, St Helens, Warrington, Leeds and Huddersfield made up the Super League’s top five, with Wigan beating St Helens in the final.

The next year, it went Warrington, Wigan, St Helens and Huddersfield. Leeds finished fifth but won the final over St Helens. Last season it went Wigan, Warrington and St Helens first to third. Leeds, fifth again, beat Warrington in the final.

But this doesn’t explain the Broncos, who have no trouble signing top players from the NRL and can beat anyone on their day. “Their place on the ladder doesn’t reflect what they can do,” Monaghan says. “London are a team that I think are really going to improve in the back half of the season and they’re a really good chance of having a successful Cup run.”

The Broncos have the best possible chance for their July 12 quarter final, the Sheffield Eagles, the only second flight side still in the draw. Warrington face a much tougher Huddersfield but will fancy themselves given recent years. For Monaghan, it’s one of his final opportunities at silverware before possible retirement.

“I’m off contract at the end of the year, so it’ll be a decision to retire or play at Warrington,” he says.

“I couldn’t see myself playing at another club so it’s here or finish up. But for me it’s all about the next game until the end of the season.”

That means no mercy for the Broncos this weekend in Gillingham, Kent.

Photos: Getty

London Broncos play Warrington Wolves. Sat, June 8. 3pm.

Tickets £15. Priestfield Stadium, Gillingham, ME7 4DD gillinghamfootballclub.com/tickets

GUIDE TO RUGBY LEAGUE IN LONDON tntmagazine.com/rugby-league

In exile: Joel Monaghan

BROTHERS IN EXILES MONAGHANS VS ENGLAND The brothers Monaghan could band together in representative rugby league for the first time this year when the Exiles play England on June 14 at their club’s home ground, Halliwell Jones Stadium, Warrington.

Hooker Michael has been picked in the squad but missed out through injury the past two years as his brother has starred. This year that could all change, and their parents Stewart and Mary are locked in to be there.

For a player in the UK, Origin is a dream past, while New Zealanders get rare chances to represent the regions. But here they band together, and it means plenty, says Monaghan.

“The Aussies and Kiwis cop a lot of stick from supporters, suggesting we come over here just for the money, that sort of thing, so I think it’s a thing the players enjoy,” he reckons. > England v Exiles airs live, Fri, June 14, 8pm, Sky Sports 2

tntMagazine.com

45

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Four-time All-Australian: Adam Goodes

It’s high time sport got the administrators it deserves

Club and governing body officials need to wake up and get serious

» Agree or disagree? letters@tntmagazine.com 46

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Shane Warne is clearly an optimistic man – the fact he thought he’d get away with that hair replacement advert is evidence enough – but his claim that Australia would win The Ashes if Kevin Pietersen is out strikes me as bordering on deluded.

While having KP in the England batting line-up would undoubtedly be a great boost for England, it’s simply facile to suggest that his inclusion or otherwise will settle the series.

Australia haven’t got the bowlers to decimate England’s top order and, other than Michael Clarke, who is probably the

“

Australia haven’t the bowlers or top order

”

only current Aussie player who’d get close to the all-conquering team of the Nineties, they haven’t got a batting line-up that can handle the world’s current premier bowling attack, sporting what by any objective measure includes the world’s best spin and swing bowlers, Swann and Anderson.

Bring on the summer.

Photos: Getty

You know those weeks that leave you feeling like you’ve just found out your gran is a Mossad agent? And that your feet are in fact made of compacted waferthin ham – the kind of week that leaves you feeling like nothing seems to make any sense anymore? That was how I was feeling come Friday. Having definitely started the week in 2013, I felt like I was ending it in the dim and distant past.

First the Adam Goodes incident: the Sydney Swans utility was racially abused during his side’s match against Collingwood, in, of all weeks, the Indigenous round of the AFL. Goodes to his credit made sure his abuser was removed from the stadium. At first the most depressing thing was that the comments came from a 13-year-old girl, who reportedly called him an ape. But things took an unexpected turn when Collingwood president Eddie McGuire said during his radio show that Goodes should be used to promote a new King Kong musical. An unsavoury incident quickly became a shit storm and McGuire waddled out in front of media to give a grovelling apology, during which he claimed he “said something which was the opposite of what I was thinking at the time”.

So what he was thinking was that using Goodes to advertise King Kong would be a bad idea? It’s hard to believe until you hear McGuire talk, at which point it becomes clear that having thoughts at all must be something of a struggle.

And then Sepp Blatter, a man who despite time and again showing that he hasn’t the wherewithal to run a bath, and yet continues to be in charge of the governing body of the world’s biggest sport, saw it fit to describe a newly appointed female executive, Australian Moya Dodd, as “good and good-looking”.

Sport is perhaps the most important arena of public life. Sports stars are admired and listened to. And for the most part they do a pretty good job, but it’s about time we had some sporting administrators who understood the seriousness of their roles.

WARNE’S WARNING SIMPLY A BLUFF

Men’s Wimbledon Final Day

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Sat 22nd June. Package includes return luxury coach travel to central London, glasses of bubbly, Silver ring enclosure tickets. A great chance for ladies and gents to dress up!

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

STRIKING GOLD

Photos: Getty, Andrew Westbrook, Bear Grylls Survival Academy, Thinkstock

Buddhist devotees visit Burmese capital Yangon’s Shwedagon Pagoda for the Kasone Festival, celebrating the birth and enlightenment of Buddha.

INSIDE

INTO THE WILD /52

MOROCCO’S CITIES /62

ENCHANTED ISLES /66

Imagine you got stranded alone in the wilderness – could you cope? Learn how at a tough survival boot camp.

There’s more to Morocco than Marrakech.

From the capital to the coast, explore the best of the country’s urban hubs.

TNT heads off on an eye-popping trip to the Galapagos Islands where giant tortoises, crusty iguanas and playful sea lions roam.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

49

TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

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Sacred celebration: join the throngs at Stonehenge for the Summer Solstice

IS THE HOLIDAY FLING DEAD? Once upon a time, holiday romances meant one or both parties could lie through their teeth in the hope of getting someone who would normally be way out of their league into the sack. “Back home I’m tremendously successful/don’t live in Peterborough/ not married with five kids/always this perfectly bronzed, honest!” And more often than not, get away with it.

But now it seems, thanks to social networking, the glory days for holiday fling fibbers are over.

According to a new survey by latedeals.co.uk, when we meet a new love interest on our travels, more than half of us now stalk them online immediately. And since it’s pretty easy to find out someone’s employment history, relationship status and other personal info in a matter of seconds... well, that’s got to lead to a few awkward encounters at the breakfast buffet the next morning. In fact, a third of 18 to 35-year-olds polled said they ditched new lovers immediately after checking them out online.

A former editor of a well-known men’s mag once told me that after the summer holidays, he used to be inundated with calls from girls who wrongly thought they had met him abroad and posed for saucy pics on the understanding they would appear in the magazine as models.

How fist-bitingly embarrassing.

Of course these days anyone who whips off their bikini for the camera without a precautionary Google search first is just asking for trouble.

The moral of the story for finding love abroad in the modern age?

Trust no one. Stalk online whenever possible. And never, ever take your kit off without a contract unless you really want to...

at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Into magical, spiritual, cosmic unity? Peace and love? Yeah? Then join the 20,000 like-minded souls who are expected to descend on 21 Stonehenge to watch the sun rise on the longest day of the year. This is also the once-a-year occasion when the the central Altar stone aligns with the Heel stone, the Slaughter stone and the rising sun to the northeast.

JUNE

WHY: The Summer Solstice festivities have had their ups and downs over the years with numerous clashes between authorities and revellers. Nowadays everyone’s welcome to celebrate, but there’s a hard line taken on drugs and loud music and large quantities of booze are forbidden.

MIDNIGHT SUN Finland

Need an excuse to just watch films 24 hours a day?

12-16 The Finns have one – their round-the-clock sunshine during the summer months is being celebrated at the Midnight Sun Film Festival in Sodankylä. Movies will be screened 24/7, plus there are film masterclasses, specialist talks and workshops.

JUNE

msfilmfestival.fi

DAY OF THE CRAZIES Mexico

Time to let your freak flag fly at this celebration of 17 nuttiness in San Miguel de Allende. Parades, drunkenness, cross-dressing and loud music are all part of the festivities.

JUNE

mexicotoday.org

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DO IT BECAUSE: Stonehenge is believed to have been used as a religious site by early Britons 4000 years ago – that’s quite a tradition to be a part of. There’s going to be an amazing atmosphere, and no end of brilliantly barmy characters to hang out with. english-heritage.org.uk

CZECH BEER FEST

Budapest

It’s the fifth year of this annual event, which will be 17-30 showcasing the very best microbrews from 18 Czech breweries.

You’ll be able to soak up all that grog with the regional Hungarian dishes on offer here, too.

JUNE

visitbudapest.travel

JUST FOR LAUGHS

US

Do you think Russell Brand is funny? Love or hate him, 11-16 you can watch him doing his thing along with a series of other stand-up comedians at Chicago’s Just For Laughs festival. Tobias from Arrested Development (David Cross) and Bill Maher are also appearing.

JUNE

justforlaughschicago.com

Photos: Getty

Ever had a holiday fling? Write in and tell us

SUMMER SOLSTICE England

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egypt Graffiti Graffiti scratched into a 3500-year-old Egyptian wall of hieroglyphics prompted an online hunt for the perpetrator after a photo of the damage was posted on the web. A tourist uploaded a snap of the scrawl on the ancient wall in the Temple of Luxor, which reads ‘Ding Jinhao was here’ in Chinese characters. The tagger was revealed to be a 15-year-old from Nanjing, whose mum released an embarrassed statement.“We want to apologise to the Egyptian people and to people who have paid attention to this case across China,” she said. According to the BBC, Egypt’s ministry of antiquities say the damage was “superficial”. It has already been removed.

Photos: Getty

queen at gatwick Two giant images of Queen Liz now greet passengers arriving at Gatwick Airport’s South Terminal. The collages, which are the size of a double-decker bus, mark the 60th anniversary of the Queen’s coronation and are composed of 5500 photos of British residents. Called The People’s Monarch, there is one picture of the Queen as she is today and another of her in 1953, both showing her smiling. A Gatwick spokesperson said: “It is a real honour for London Gatwick to have the pleasure of installing this piece of artwork, nearly 60 years to the day since Her Majesty’s coronation.”

Post clean-up: the ancient wall, which was graffitied

tallest swing opens

‘Fake’ online reviews

A theme park in Texas has just launched the planet’s highest tower swing ride. The Six Flags Over Texas amusement park in Arlington opened the Texas SkyScreamer, which allows up to 24 riders to sit in open-air swings that reach heights of 400ft at its peak (that’s the same height as a 40-floor building). Riders are spun in a 124ft circle at speeds up to 35mph.

It sounds pretty terrifying, but if you’re brave enough to keep your eyes open during the ride, it’s possible to see over Arlington, Dallas and Fort Worth from the top of the ride. Just better make sure your shoes are tied on good and tight.

Most people take TripAdvisor reviews with a pinch of salt, but yet another blow has been dealt to the travel review website’s reliability. Peter Hook, general manager of communications at the Parisbased Accor hotel, has admitted he posted more than 100 reviews on the site using a pseudonym.

He was identified by Kwikchex, a company that sells online reputation management software, and shown to have been posting positive reviews of Accor properties and largely terrible reviews of competitors. Hook told The Telegraph: “Every review I have written has resulted from personally experiencing the product.”

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Toughening up: training at the Bear Grylls Survival Academy in Scotland (here and below)

Boot camps united kingdom

New skills: learning the ropes

Back to nature: live off the land 52

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Heat is on: making a fire

UKTRIP

Into the wild Imagine you got stranded in the wilderness – could you survive?

These top boot camps will show you how. Wusses need not apply WORDS HELEN ELFER

Imagine there’s an apocalyptic zombie invasion. Or nuclear fallout. Or you drive out in to the middle of nowhere for a camping trip and accidentally lock yourself out of the car, only to realise you’ve left all your gear on the back seat, dammit. Either way, you’re stuck out in the wild with little but your wits to rely on – could you cope? Put yourself to the test at one of these survival camps.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Bear Grylls Survival Academy

Bear Grylls Survival Academy, Scotland As Bear Grylls is the ultimate posterboy for survival adventures, you can be pretty confident you’ll learn a thing or two about taking care of yourself on one of his Survival Academy courses. Scott Heffield, lead instructor at Bear Grylls Survival Academy, tells TNT: “The BGSA ‘Survival in the Highlands’ course is no boot camp. It’s an intensive fiveday course that incorporates epic journeys across rugged and mountainous terrain and prepares participants to deal with extreme survival situations. It culminates in a 36-hour, gruelling survival exercise that begins as they are dropped just off the shore of an uninhabited island. Participants then have to wade or swim through icy waters off the northwest coast of Scotland to reach land and are left with only a knife and an empty water canteen. The most challenging part of the course is these final 36 hours, as they have to apply all the skills taught in the previous days to build a shelter, light a fire, locate food and water and, most importantly, get rescued. No one’s going to help them. It’s self-rescue, Bear Grylls style!”

KEY SKILLS: Primal instinct training, improvised first aid, use of snares and traps, sourcing and purifying water and various techniques for covering rough terrain, including abseiling.

ROUGH RIDE? One of the challenges of the Highlands course is the possibility you’ll have to catch, skin, barbecue and eat a wild rat. That’s pretty hardcore. For those who just want a taster, the Bear Grylls Academy will be running a 24-hour course in Surrey at the end of September.

THE DAMAGE: The 24-hour Surrey course costs £349pp. The five-day ‘Survival in the Highlands’ course is £1899pp.

MORE: beargryllssurvivalacademy.com Woodlore, Sussex Another hero of the British outdoors, Ray Mears founded

Woodlore, The School of Wilderness Bushcraft, 30 years ago.

If you want an overview of basic woodland skills, the best option is the two-day ‘Introduction to Bushcraft’ course. This is one of the gentler courses out there, focusing on learning about the natural environment in everyday conditions. You don’t need to be an experienced ‘outdoorsy type,’ just have an interest in how to make use of nature.

KEY SKILLS: Making shelters, building fires, navigation and tracking, and learning about useful plants and trees.

ROUGH RIDE? There’s a camp nearby with tea, coffee, squash and biscuits on offer. So, no, not particularly gruelling.

THE DAMAGE: The two-day ‘Introduction to Bushcraft’ course costs £300pp.

MORE: raymears.com Trueways Survival School, various locations You can guarantee there’ll be no biscuit handouts on this course, which is designed by ex-SAS hardman John ‘Lofty’ Wiseman, who is also the author of The SAS Survival Handbook: How To Survive In The Wild, In Any Climate, On Land Or At Sea. In other words, it’s not going to be a cushy couple of days. The two-day ‘Basic Survival Skills’ course includes skills you’d need to survive in the wilderness in the UK, as well as general principles you can use if you find yourself in a spot of bother anywhere in the world.

Techniques taught are based on the tried and tested experience of Lofty himself.

KEY SKILLS: Shelter-building, fire, water, wild food, navigation skills, basic medical skills and survival psychology.

ROUGH RIDE? You think they stop for tea breaks in the SAS? This certainly won’t be a walk in the park.

THE DAMAGE: The two-day ‘Basic Survival Skills’ costs £189pp. Hire of equipment Cider trail: such as sleeping bags and Hitting the best survival knives can be booked pubs in Somerset in advance and costs extra.

MORE: truewayssurvival.com

NEXT WEEK

BEST AMAZING SURVIVAL STORIES tntmagazine.com/survival-stories

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£250 – £500 Madeira A seven-night stay costs £279pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel Gorgulho in Funchal. Departs London Luton on June 24.

Egypt An eight-day tour costs £480pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com).

Includes hotel and sleeper train accommodation, some meals, a felucca boat trip, visits to the Pyramids, Valley of the Kings. Excludes flights. Book by June 8. Departs Cairo on June 22.

Croatia An eight-day sailing tour is £310pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852, traveltalktours.com). Includes ‘A’ category private boat accommodation, some meals and vists to Hvar, Dubrovnik, Korcula and Brac. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by June 14. Departs Split on June 15.

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DEAL OF THE WEEK isle of wight Fest

£389

A three-day package with Anderson Tours (020 73577639; andersontours.co.uk) Includes coach transport, B&B hotel accommodation and festival tickets valid from June 14-17.

> £500 Greece & turkey A 12-day sailing tour is £500 (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 099 8852, traveltalktours.com).

Includes private ‘A’ category boat and five- and four-star hotel accommodation, plus some meals. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by June 15. Departs on June 16.

Turkey A seven-night stay is £518pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes return flights and five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Green Nature Resort and Spa in Marmaris. Departs London Stansted June 27. maldives A seven-night stay costs £989pp with Bridge The World (bridgetheworld.com, 0800 988 6884). Includes return flights and fourstar, B&B accommodation at the Bandos Island Resort & Spa. Valid for travel until July 4. Flights from London Heathrow or Gatwick airports.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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Madrid A two-night stay costs £156pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Husa Chamartin Hotel in Madrid.

Departs London Stansted on June 23.

Croatia An eight-day sailing trip is £204pp (save 70 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852, traveltalktours.com). Includes ‘A’ category private boat accommodation, some meals, visits to Slano, Korcula, Hvar and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by June 26.

Departs Dubrovnik on June 30.

Berlin A two-night stay costs £115pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays).

Includes direct return flights and fourstar, B&B accommodation. Prices based on two people sharing. Departs from London Luton on June 10.

Amsterdam A two-night stay costs £129pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 1041000). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Best Western Blue Square. Departs from London Southend on June 11. krakow A two-night stay costs £98pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Sympozjum.

Prices based on two people sharing.

Departs London Stansted on June 11.

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PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

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WIN

Email your images to hotshots@tntmultimedia.com First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

WINNER

RUNNER-UP

KAPELLBRÜCKE, LUCERNE, SWITZERLAND Tim Lawrence, London, England

PETERHOF GARDENS, ST PETERSBURG, RUSSIA Kristina Pennell, Brisbane, Australia

WHY IT WORKS We love the perspective of this shot, with the bridge giving the impression of an eternal tunnel to nowhere. “Kapellbrücke, when translated, means Chapel Bridge,” Tim explains. “We arrived here in the late evening and were admiring the beauty of the bridge and the delicate lights by night. We had no idea that when we woke up in the morning, we would be met by the magnificent sight of mountains. It’s an entirely different place in the morning to how it is in the evening.”

WHY IT WORKS Those who think of snow drifts and furry hats when they hear the word ‘Russia’ are offered an entirely different perspective by this picturesque garden scene. “Peterhof Gardens in the spring and summer is absolutely stunning,” Kristina tells us. “In such a country where you think everything is cold and miserable, finding a place like this moved me to capture a different side of Russia, in a different type of glory.”

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Going away somewhere soon?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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road trips

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route 66, us

Windows down, sun shining, something loud and cheesy on the soundsystem (AC/DC or White Snake will do) and a tank full of petrol.

You’ve seen the movies, you know how it works – it’s summer, which means it’s road trip time.

One of the most famous highways for driving adventures is of course the classic Route 66, aka The Mother Road. It shoots through eight states, which you’ll know if you’re a fan of the eponymous 1943 song, Get Your Kicks..., which lists them all in the lyrics and has been covered by everyone from Nat King Cole to the Rolling Stones.

Route 66 was one of the first in the US highway system, stretching from Chicago to Los Angeles. While it no longer exists as a single route, you can still drive through most of the trail along other interstate highways. And naturally, you remain able to jump out of your car for a thumbs-up snapshot by the iconic white emblem painted on the tarmac.

As for where to stop along the way, there’s all the scenery, history and 56 00

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straight-up Americana you could ask for. Start with the 3300ft-long Navy Pier in Chicago on the shoreline of Lake Michigan, then after a long drive through Missouri and Kansas, stop at Oklahoma for some Wild West action.

The National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum has racked up around 10 million visitors since opening in the Fifties, and is a showcase of western and American Indian culture that includes a 14,000 square foot turnof-the-century Western prairie town.

Soon you’ll be screeching into Amarillo (cue raucous rendition of Tony Christie’s Is This The Way...) where you’ll want to stay at The Big Texan Steak Ranch for a crack at the the 72oz steak challenge – polish it off within the hour and it comes free.

Finally, stop at Calico Ghost Town in the Mojave Desert, California, where you can find out about the cutthroat silver panning days of the past. drivingroute66.com

ROAD TRIPS: THE ESSENTIAL KIT tntmagazine.com/roadessentials

Road trippin’ in the USA

For over 40 years, TrekAmerica has been taking travellers on the ultimate road trips in the USA, Canada, Alaska and Central America. Groups are small (13 people maximum) and everyone’s aged between 18 and 38, so it makes for a great group dynamic.

With year-round departures and over 50 unique itineraries, from 3 day mini adventures to epic 64 day road trips, you’ll see and do more than you ever dreamed possible and have the adventure of a lifetime!

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Combine Washington DC, New Orleans and Las Vegas with mountains, canyons and cacti-studded deserts, for an incredible varied snapshot of the states. M E X I C O C

Go to: trekamerica.co.uk

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Cruise the Californian coast to San M E X I Francisco, then strike out for the desert oasis of Las Vegas via Yosemite National Park and the Grand Canyon.

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U T A H Bryce Canyon NP NEVADA Arches NP San Lake Moab Francisco C O L O R A D O K Zion NP Powell Colorado Rockies Las Vegas Mesa Verde NP Grand Pacific C A L I F O R N I A Canyon Monument Coast Santa Fe NP Valley Los Angeles A R I Z O N A

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Vibrant eastern cities, Great Lakes and the spectacular Niagara Falls. Add a soundtrack of blues and country and we reckon you’ve got the East covered.

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Tel: 0844 346 3028 31/05/2013 15:11:37

THE NoMADISTAN Moscow to Beijing

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Traverse deserts and mountains as you explore part of the fabled Old Silk Road.

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The classic Trans Siberian/Mongolian journey with all the highlights along the way.

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THE HOLY COW All around India

Experience some of the most amazing and off the beaten track places around India.

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Email us today for a brochure: brochures@vodkatrain.com Be inspired by pictures, videos and reviews from our travellers: facebook.com/vodkatraintravel

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2

Nakasendo Highway, japan

This road between Kyoto and Tokyo opens up a rich cross section of Japanese culture. Dating from the 8th century, it was first built for feudal lords travelling between provinces.

Nowadays, you can fuel up on blueberry cheesecake Kit Kats and other wacky snacks at the Dangou Zaka service area, before driving through traditional mountain villages and stopping at a ryokan (traditional inn) for dinner and local teas. jnto.go.jp/eng

Photos: Thinkstock

4

black Forest, Germany

For some fairytale fun, take a trip to the setting of the Grimm Brothers’ imagination. Take the Schwarzwaldhochstraße (that’s B500 if your pronunciation isn’t up to scratch), or Black Forest High Road, between Freudenstadt and Baden-Baden.

A high-altitude road which reaches between 800 and 1000 metres high, it passes picturesque villages and ancient picture-book castles, plus all those seriously creepy woods that the route is named after. blackforest-tourism.com

3

yorkshire moors, uk

York’s finest

Embrace your inner Brontë sister for a brush with the Yorkshire Moors on a drive to York via Kirkbymoorside. At less than four hours, this isn’t an epic drive, but it’s still a classic.

Between July and September, the hills and valleys are covered in pink and purple heather, and you can also include the Cleveland Way national trail, Castle Howard and Whitby’s Dracula trail on the itinerary. Finish up at a traditional Yorkshire pub for a pint of ale. yorkshire.com

5

basque circuit, Spain

This 480km route takes in Bilbao, Pamplona, the Pyrenees and miles of pristine Spanish coastline.

But don’t leave Bilbao too quickly.

The biggest city in the Basque Country delivers banging party nights, as well as great food in the form of bite-sized pintxos (the region’s take on tapas).

Plus of course there’s feast-your-eyes contemporary art and architecture to see at the Guggenheim museum. Then drive on to enjoy the Basque’s beaches and small villages.

middlethorpe HALL AND SPA overview This former home to Thomas Barlow, a 17thcentury Yorkshire country gent with lofty social climbing ambitions, was voted hotel of the year and restaurant of the year in this year’s Visit York Tourism Awards and it’s clear why. From the moment you arrive at the imposing facade and step inside, everything impresses. The character-filled drawing rooms downstairs are perfect for relaxing, and the extensive gardens give you room to roam. Adjacent to the historic building is a spa and swimming pool – we recommend the all over body massage for stripping you of all that city stress. wow factor Evening dinner in the hotel’s restaurant is an unparalleled classic country house experience. rooms From standard doubles to luxurious four-poster options. We recommend splashing out for a Regal Recline, which comes with great views of the surrounding grounds and is furnished with Georgian antiques. bill please From £99pn.

YO23 2GB York middlethorpe.com

basquecountry-tourism.com

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THE INSIDER

Sunshine coast: Tuscany’s stunning Elba Island

INGEMAR CRESSEY Professional surfer and head coach Cressey Surf Academy

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q My partner and I are spending a weekend in Rome in July and we then have a week to spare and would love to visit somewhere with sunshine, seaside and delicious Italian food!

Can you recommend any good places to visit?

Emma, via email A Rome is superbly connected for exploring

READERS’ TIPS ON GALAPAGOS ISLANDS Hammerhead shark

DIVING IN You can dive here any time of year, but June to December is the best, as you can catch a glimpse of whales and hammerhead sharks underwater. Try Darwin Island, it’s amazing.

Dan Thorpe, via email OFF THE BEATEN TRACK I visited Santa Cruz and found it much less crowded than other touristy sites, plus the beaches here are just stunning.

Clara Ai, via email

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parts of Italy’s west coast, so you have a variety of choices, Emma. En route to the coast, there are a few interesting sites you could check out such as Ostia Antica and Frascati. The historic Ostia Antica is a well-preserved ancient Roman town, with ruins dating back to the 4th century BC. It’s only a half an hour trip by train from Rome. Also a 30-minute train ride away is Frascati, famed for its sparkling wine, but also great for sampling local food. Cacciani is one of

the best restaurants in town (cacciani.it). Then head further south to the small group of islands between Rome and Naples known as Isole Pontine, for some sun, sea and sand. These small islands are relics from an extinct volcano and so have dramatic cliffs, grottos and beaches. The gorgeous emerald coves and incredible seafood make them the perfect beach break.

Alternatively, Tuscany’s second-largest city of Livorno is a great base for exploring vineyards, beaches and gourmet hotspots. Tuscany is a foodie heaven; try fish stews, T-bone steaks and white truffles here. Elba Island is a stunning, coastal spot, and Portoferraio to the south is a pleasant harbour town. Chianti is a good stop if you enjoy red wine, naturally, and if you have time spend a day strolling around and admiring Siena’s gothic architecture

Favourite UK spot to surf and why?

I love Sker beach in Porthcawl, the little-known surf town in South Wales.

It’s a well-shaped, left-hand point break, which runs out onto a beautiful beach break. To get there you walk through a really pretty nature reserve, which all adds to the adventure.

How does it compare to the world’s top surfing spots?

The waves here are some of the best in the UK, but just not quite as consistent as the world’s top spots.

Most memorable surfing experience?

Rest Bay in Porthcawl – there were only about five of us guys out surfing almost perfect waves, topped off with a stunning golden sunset. cresseyssurfacademy.com

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Local flavour: surf’s up in Essaouira [Caption]

Morocco North africa

TANGIER RABAT

FES

CASABLANCA ESSAOUIRA MARRAKECH

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By the sea: Essaouira’s port

Clockwise: the famous tanneries of Fes; traditional architecture in Casablanca; a busker in Marrakech’s Jemaa el-Fnaa 62

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Morocco’s best city breaks Ride a camel to the beach, hang in the smoky cafes of the Beat generation, or explore ancient souks – Morocco’s cities have it all Words Helen elfer

Morocco’s cities are impossibly exotic. North African culture bumps up against all the quirks and traditions of the Middle East, leaving travellers caught up in haggling sessions for carpets, tripping over snake charmers’ baskets, drinking scalding mint tea or getting lost in dark, maze-like souks.

From the capital to the coast, there’s plenty to discover in the urban hubs across the country. Here’s our pick of the top spots to see.

Exotic: Marrakech Morocco’s most famous city is the biggest tourist draw and no wonder. Particularly around the main square of Jemaa el-Fnaa, the city has a timeless Arabian appeal. Uneven, shabby-looking streets wind throughout and behind them lie amazing riads (traditional Moroccan houses), some private and others converted into guesthouses and cafes. Almost all have a cool central courtyard with a swimming pool or water feature, and are perfect places to sit with a sweet mint tea.

Spend your evenings back in the square, where the action goes on all evening. Groups of Moroccans gather to chat, eat, play games or listen to music. Take a table at one of the restaurants at the centre of the square to soak up all the atmosphere, and if you’re brave enough, buy a bowlful of cooked snails to eat from one of the vendors.

DON’T MISS: Brave a Moroccan hamman where you’ll be scrubbed, steamed and bathed to within an inch of your life. Try Hammam De La Rose (hammamdelarose.com) for an authentic experience, at about £25 for 45 minutes.

MORE: marrakech.travel

and poets that flocked to Tangier for inspiration.

MORE: visitmorocco.com

Relaxing: Rabat If you need a break from crowded streets, persistent carpet sellers and honking, screeching traffic, clean, quiet Rabat is the place to go and decompress. It used to be a refuge for the Barbary pirates who would hijack European merchant ships, but its crooked past is now far behind it. Palm trees line the wide streets and there are a handful of Unesco sites to visit too, including the Roman ruins of Chellah, the historic Almohad gates and wall and the mausoleum of Mohammed V. DON’T MISS: Head to the Kasbah des Oudaïas which looks out over the Bou Regreg river, then take a walk through the surrounding small streets lined with blue and white houses.

MORE: rabat-tourisme.org

Nightlife: Casablanca Casablanca is just as manic as you’d expect the economic ››

Boho: Tangier Anyone with a soft spot for Beat literature should make a stop in Tangier – once upon a time a notoriously seedy, dirty and debauched city, where writers such as Paul Bowles, William Burroughs and Jack Kerouac spent time in the Fifties.

While Tangier is still far from polished, it’s certainly less edgy than it used to be. The city centre is undergoing modern development and the beach is packed with Moroccan sunseekers at weekends. For a taste of the city’s older history, visit the Kasbah museum in Dar el-Makhzen, the former sultan’s palace.

DON’T MISS: The Cafe de Paris (find it at the Place de France) was a popular counterculture hangout for the writers, artists

Quiet life: Rabat’s winding passageways tntMagazine.com

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powerhouse of Morocco to be. Visit the imposing Hassan II Mosque, which is the second-largest religious building in the world and one of only two mosques in Morocco open to nonMuslims. While Morocco is by no means a place to go for a boozy break, Casablanca does have a thriving nightlife scene, and there are trendy bars and clubs along the beachside strip in Aïn Diab and in the city centre, on Rue Allal Ben Abdellah.

DON’T MISS: Casablanca is famous for its glamorous 1930s Art Deco architecture around the Marché Centrale area. Go and check out the intricate carved friezes and beautiful tile work.

MORE: visitmorocco.com

great heights TOP MOROCCAN mountain trekS

Surfing: Essaouira Essaouira might just be one of the most relaxing places in the world, an easy-going coastal city stuffed with tiny boutiques and galleries that are filled with paintings and crafts from Moroccan artists. Hang out at the 18th-century medina and neighbouring harbour, where fishermen bring their catch in.

If you want a taste of the goods, pull up a chair at one of the wooden shacks nearby, where the fish is cooked and served up a matter of hours after it’s been in the sea.

DON’T MISS: There's great surf along Essaouira Bay (gentle waves here are best for beginners) or at spots a short drive away, such as Moulay Bouzerktoun or Sidi Kaouki.

MORE: moroccotouristguide.org

History: Fes If you want to get a sense of what Morocco might have been like in the Middle Ages, try Fes. Home to the largest functioning Islamic medieval city in the world, the medina of Fes el-Bali looks as though nothing has changed since the city was first founded. Donkeys carry produce around (although these days they’re often sharing the thoroughfares with motorbikes) and there are 9000 winding passageways, where tanneries and stores selling huge sacks of dye ply their trade in the same style they have for centuries.

DON’T MISS: Stroll down either of the two main alleys in old Fes to reach Bab Bou Jeloud, the city’s monumental main gate, decorated with swirls of blue tiles. It’s always busy in this area so sit at one of the cafes for a spot of people-watching.

MORE: visit-fez.com ❚ BEST OF TRAVEL IN NORTH AFRICA tntmagazine.com/north-africa-travel

Escape: swap cities for the Atlas Mountains After a few days in the bustling chaos of Morocco’s major cities you’ll be dying for a bit of fresh air. Head into the mountains for a new perspective on the country and a taste of rural village life. mount toubkal At 4167m, Mount Toubkal is the highest mountain in North Africa, and it’s possible to hike right up to the top even if you don’t have any previous trekking experience.

This is a great two-day excursion from Marrakech, as the starting point of the trek is just a few hours’ drive from the city. From the top, you’ll be able to see views of the Marrakech Plain, the High Atlas in the north and the AntiAtlas and the Sahara in the south – that’s gotta make the climb worthwhile.

BOOK: toubkalguide.com Ras Kharzouza The northern Middle Atlas mountains are a scenic place to hike, with waterfalls and forests along the route. Tour operator Naturally Morocco’s ‘Cliffs, Cedar Forests and Cascades’ day-long walk takes your from the Berber village of Azrou through oak and cork woods up to the summit of Ras Kharzouza. Here’s where you’ll have a picnic lunch before continuing on to the open plateaus, where you’ll see Berber shepherds tending to their flocks.

BOOK: naturallymorocco.co.uk

Buzzing: Marrakech’s ever-busy Jemaa el-Fnaa 64

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Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

jebel aklim A lesser-visited hiking area is the volcanic mountain chain of the Anti-Atlas range. The ascent up Jebel Aklim (2531m) delivers views of the snowy High Atlas mountains to the north, and the desert range of Jebel Bani to the south.

On Exodus’ ‘Undiscovered Atlas’ tour, you’ll also get the chance to see traditional villagers’ way of life in small Berber communities along the way. The trek finishes in Taroudant, one of Morocco’s five imperial cities.

BOOK: exodus.co.uk

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Super size it: Galapagos is famous for giant tortoises

Galapagos Ecuador

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GETTING THERE Fly from London to Quito from £949 return with Delta, while onward flights from the Ecuadorian capital to the Galápagos Islands cost from £358 return with LAN. delta.com; lan.com

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Enchanted Isles TNT heads off on an eye-popping trip to the Galapagos Islands where giant tortoises, crusty iguanas and playful sea lions roam Words ANDREW WESTBROOK

WHEN TO GO: High seasons My head has barely dipped below the surface are June to September, and space along the smart main street.

December to January. December to when a torpedo flashes past, causing an Strolling to the edge of town I pass the May is rainy and June to November waterside fish market, where hungry pelicans eruption of colour that puts Sydney’s New is dry season, which is best for Year’s Eve celebrations to shame. Concerned and eagle rays outnumber customers; then I’ve stumbled across some sub-aqua warzone, snorkelling and diving. wooden benches, where sea lions kick back, CURRENCY: £1 = USD1.51 I take a closer look, and discover I wasn’t far like street corner hoodies daring you to ACCOMMODATION: wrong. Sea lions whiz left and right while take a breather on their seat. Opposite are parrotfish, boxfish and a dozen other tropical The quirky, mazelike Hostal Colonial the endless souvenir shops, each boasting species scarper for their lives, desperate to the obligatory “I love boobies” T-shirts (in House (colonialhousequito.com) on avoid the fate known simply as ‘lunch’. reference to the islands’ blue-footed booby the outskirts of Quito’s old town It’s been just a few short minutes since birds, in case you were wondering). has beds from £6.60pppn. Friendly, I first plunged into the waters of the A few minutes after the buildings have family-run Casa Hospedaje Germania Galápagos Islands to do some snorkelling, thinned out, I reach the Charles Darwin in Puerto Ayora, Galápagos and already some of the words of Charles (casahospedajegermania.hostel.com), Research Station. The station is named, Darwin, their most famous visitor, are unsurprisingly, in honour of the famed English has double rooms, with ensuite, echoing through my head – this chain of naturalist, who toured the islands aboard the for £35pn. volcanoes, straddling the equator, is without SEE: galapagos.org HMS Beagle back in 1835. The On The Origin doubt “a little world within itself”.

Of The Species author spent just five weeks In spite of the fact it’s painfully pricey to take a trip here in the archipelago, but that was all it took for Galápagos to (you won’t find tours for under £1000), Ecuador’s Galápagos inspire his theory of evolution.

Islands continue to draw over 170,000 travellers to the World The station’s headline act is the breeding programme for Heritage-listed archipelago each year. Most agree it’s worth the region’s most famous creature – the giant tortoise, from every penny to see the place that inspired Darwin’s theory which the islands gain their name, ‘galapago’ being Spanish of evolution, thanks to the various species that can only be for tortoise. They’ve played a central role in the link between found here, having evolved to specifically suit the volcanic the region and theories of evolution, thanks to multiple subislands’ conditions. It means you’ll come face to face with species existing on different islands. It’s thought just one type some of the planet’s most weird and wonderful creatures, of normal-sized tortoise washed up at first, with its offspring from giant tortoises to blue-footed birds. then developing to suit the varying conditions of the islands, Bobbing above the water, I see a pocket-sized penguin all the while growing huge due to a lack of predators. perched on shore, sunning itself like a calendar model living However, despite the tortoises being able to live for over from camera click to click. To my other side, meanwhile, a 100 years and once numbering in the hundreds of thousands, marine iguana rests. Craggy and well-camouflaged among centuries of peckish sailors (including Darwin himself), plus the black volcanic rocks, the lizard lays there dismissively, egg-eating rats introduced by those same sailors, meant the clearly unimpressed by his neighbour. Perhaps concerned his giant reptiles had dwindled to just 3000 by the Seventies. nonchalant sneer doesn’t suffice, the iguana then sneezes Luckily the current breeding programme has meant the giants out a spray of salt, like a tobacco-chewing cowboy awaiting have bounced back. They now number around 20,000. a high noon showdown.

It’s time to get into the wilds of Galápagos and explore the My five-day cruise around the Galápagos began the day living laboratory and so, on board our boat my small group before when I arrived at Puerto Ayora, the islands’ main of 16 leaves the bright lights of Puerto Ayora behind us, to human hub on Santa Cruz Island. Home to more than 12,000 discover the so-called Enchanted Isles for ourselves. people, guesthouses, dive shops and restaurants wrestle for We anchor by an islet called Chinese Hat, just off ›› tntMagazine.com

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One-offs: marine iguanas and blue-footed boobies (above) live solely in the Galapagos

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www.expresstravelclinic.co.uk a band somewhere in the world. I, however, love the iguanas.

For starters, they’re the world’s only iguanas that can swim, meaning that sometime after arriving from the mainland, they taught themselves to paddle, creating a new species in the process. Plus, measuring two to three feet in length, and with black scaly bodies crested with crusty mohicans, they genuinely look like dinosaurs, transported from another age.

Over the next few days we journey around Santa Cruz and over to San Cristobal where we hike alongside the iguanas, Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Andrew Westbrook

Santiago Island and realise there’s not another boat in sight.

Score! Interrupting the high-fives, however, is our guide, Galápagos local Christian Saa, who explains with a chuckle that we should “get used to being away from the crowds”.

Visitor regulations are so tight on the islands, he continues, that all boats’ itineraries are closely controlled. As a result, there’s rarely more than one tour at a single landing site.

With no delay it’s into our pangas, the small inflatable boats that take us to shore. And no sooner are we chugging towards the beach than the “oohs” and “aahs” begin, as a trio of Galápagos penguins have been spotted on the rocks.

Standing under half a metre tall, the black and white beauties are the only penguins found above the Equator, thanks to the archipelago’s cold currents. However, like penguins found anywhere in the world, they’re impossible not to immediately love. Hopping awkwardly between rocks and enjoying a post-brekkie bask in the sun, they stop, bemused, to watch our boatful of ecstatic grins drift past.

Within moments we’re at the golden sandy beach, where another treat awaits us – sea lions. We edge forward, eager to avoid disturbing our sun-drenched welcome committee.

We needn’t have worried, however, as the blubbery pups soon seem fascinated by their visitors, running up to nibble our shoes, before chasing each other around in circles. It’s like being surrounded by a pack of soaking wet Labrador puppies.

Tearing ourselves away we set out across the cactusstrewn islet. Everywhere we look, fluorescent red and blue Sally Lightfoot crabs lead the way. And, in among the neon claws, we realise another Galápagos poster boy has joined the party – the marine iguana. Darwin, you could say, was not an iguana fan, referring to them as “disgusting, clumsy lizards”, even “imps of darkness”, which I really hope is the name of

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snorkel with the sea lions and scour the skies for blue-footed boobies and Magnificent Frigatebirds.

At Black Turtle Cove, we paddle soundlessly in the pangas as great schools of baby golden rays and spotted eagle rays glide past, fluttering like underwater butterflies. Herons and pelicans fly above, while now and then a green turtle breaks the water’s surface, gasping for air.

“

Black, scaly iguanas look like dinosaurs

”

Everywhere we go, the fearless nature of the animals, over which scientists still argue, is consistently captivating and engaging – from birds chirping on nearby branches to iguanas resolutely holding their ground, none seem bothered by our presence.

The land iguanas become a regular fixture of our walks.

To me they’re majestic, their fiery red and yellow skins more visually impressive than their marine cousins. The everhungry iguana fan Darwin was of course less keen. “They are hideous animals,” he wrote, before adding, “but are considered good food.”

Undeniably, however, they remain a symbol of what makes Galápagos so unique and special. Like almost a third of the creatures found in the archipelago, they exist nowhere else, having evolved after arriving on these volcanoes raised from the seabed. As Darwin explained, it’s an “eminently curious” place to witness “that mystery of mysteries – the first appearance of new beings on this earth”.

Anti-iguana comments aside, I can’t help but agree. ❚ Andrew travelled courtesy of G Adventures on their seven-day Explore Galápagos tour, £1460pp with two nights at Quito’s Hilton Colon, four nights on board a yacht cruising through the Galapagos National Park, plus flights between the capital and island gadventures.com

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room in Manor House which I currently share with a daddy long legs. I’ll get rid of him. And I’ll put pillows down the middle of the bed so it won’t be awkward or anything. Skint BIRDS OF A FEATHER?: Dear Farm Boy, you had me at, “I want to keep chickens”. It’s not often you meet a man in a grimy club that dreams of owning a farm in the Kentish countryside, just as I do. I can even look past the fact

Things the Queen should do before she dies

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you were drinking a blue WKD. Hey, we’ve all done it. If you fancy a cluck, give me a call. Farm Girl SLIDING DOORS: Apparently I enjoy walking up to a train that has just arrived to simply stand next to the open doors before they close again and the train chugs away.

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MEXICAN STANDOFF: So I have recently tried this internet dating thing, and so far I have had a message from a man wearing women’s underwear, some skanky chick saying “hunni, put some body shots on your profile, I mean how is a girl supposed to know if she wants to turn you or not?” and a bloke with a latex fetish. My profile picture is of me wearing a sombrero.

I am very confused as to how they are picking up the message that I am a wannabe lesbian who dabbles in S&M and wants to get it on with a cross-dresser. Am I missing something? GG MEATY MAN: To the chubby lad on the 141 bus every morning, the short-arse one with the rosy cheeks who looks a bit like an apprentice butcher from a comely northern counties hamlet, you’re in luck sunshine, because short-arse, rosy-cheeked, apprentice butchers are just my type. And as you keep smiling at me like you’re imagining us ice skating hand-in-hand under the milky twilight, I’m guessing I’m yours. Clare PAGE BOYS: I’m looking for a man who isn’t going to get all fucking preachy when they find out I’ve neither owned, read nor given two shits about any book ever in my life. Books are for squint-eyed losers. I’m not saying I want a moron, though. I still want people who read newspapers and watch the news. Jenna GSOH: I am utterly miserable.

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DANCING QUEEN : I’ve invented a new style of dancing call groove grind. It’s a beautiful combination of shuffling, twerking and contemporary swing. I feel very strongly that it could be the dance genre that our generation can make its own and be remembered for. If you’re interested in lessons, or would like to receive an instructional VHS, please get in touch. Lianne BEAUTY AND THE BEAST : To Jake the muss penguin at The Church last Sunday – no Indian princess needs to be thrown to the floor like that. Hope she dumped your ass because she deserves better! From J GOOD PEOPLE : Thank you, Aussie bloke Michael and smiling girlfriend (name unknown). For it was due to you being decent people that this phone is still in my hands. Thanks for calling me from my phone that I dropped in Battersea Park AND refusing money for a thank you beer, saying you’d “already had plenty of luck this weekend”. It’s great to know there’s lots of good people in this city. Chris B POSH PRICKS : To the Pimm’sswilling posh idiots at the riverside pub in Wandsworth: your drunken advances on my girlfriend weren’t appreciated and I really think you should rethink that godawful pink shorts and sock-free loafers look.

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