1554

June 10-16 2013 Issue 1554 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A FIVE-DAY TOUR OF CORNWALL WITH HAGGIS ADVENTURES!

DISCOVER THE OTHER PARIS A guide to the secret world of street art

MOSCOW ON A BUDGET How to paint it red on the cheap

FELICITY WARD: UNCENSORED Giving up drinking and dying on stage

D L A W N U R G ASH t Koko! a y t r a p y a d 30th birth ’s T N T s e n li d gend hea The Aussie le ISSUE 1554 / £1.95

+ O2 RUGBY’S ‘HONEY BADGER’ LIVE A DOUBLE LIFE ASCOT READER OFFER SOMERSET CIDER TRAILS

9 772051 605008

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Your favourite magazine doesn’t stop here: TNT’s website is bursting with hilarious weblols, awesome travel features and news from home. Do yourself a favour and get your peepers pointed at tntmagazine.com … asap.

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d going, and goin TNT keeps going, an

SUPER SUMMER TNTmagazine.com is the best place to find out how to get the most out of living in London, from gig and event listings to area guides and more

HEADING TO HENLEY OR ROYAL ASCOT THIS SUMMER?

Then check out TNT’s guide on how to look like 100 dollars for peanuts – your bank account will thank you

.com/yeti tntmagazineESSENTIALS TRAVEL

WONDERING WHERE YOUR NEXT BIG TRIP SHOULD BE TO? TNTmagazine.com’s travel section is bursting with awesome travel ideas to suit all budgets and interests

tntmagazine.com/travel

TNT FAVOURITES

TNT’S DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO LONDON’S BEST BEER GARDENS

It’s a fact that a cool ale just tastes better in a sunny beer garden and we’ve found the best in the capital

tntmagazine.com/apes

SUPER-LAST-MINUTE TRAVEL DEALS FOR ALL BUDGETS Looking for a getaway and don’t want to pay top whack? TNT has got a deal that’s perfect for you

tntmagazine.com/late-deals

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TNTmagazine.com has galleries of all your TNT favourites from The Queen to Where In The World and Spotted

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER It might be hard to believe with its youthful good looks, but TNT turns 30 this year. That’s right, the big 3-0! We considered freaking out about whether we’ve achieved enough, if it’s time to settle down and using scary phrases like “the property ladder”, but decided to have a massive party instead. And you’re all invited! Turn to P10 for the lowdown on TNT’s big birthday bash at Koko, headlined

by Ash Grunwald and featuring huge travel giveaways!

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS

4 12&15

@TNT

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SPOTTED

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LONDON SOUND

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COMPETITIONS

22&65

CHATROOM DANIEL HOLDSWORTH 23 LONDON SCENE

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LONDON FOCUS

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Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

LIFESTYLE

30-35

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FEATURES

CAREERS

30

OZ ROCKS LONDON

MONEY

33

LIVING

34

Catch Aussie blues champ Ash Grunwald and stacks of his compatriots in London

NEWS

36-39

PRICKLY LAUGHS

SPORT

40-46

Oz’s funniest new export Felicity Ward brings The Hedgehog Dilemma to town

TRAVEL

49

DIARY

50

NEWS

51

UK TRIP

52

LATE DEALS

54

HOTSHOTS

57

TOP FIVE

58

TIPS & STUFF

60

SHORT BREAK

62

BIG TRIP

66

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

88-90 90

DOUBLE LIVES

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30

We meet a PHD student-Playboy Bunny, pop singer-lawyer and magician-PR

HONEY BADGER THEORY

44

Wallaby Nick Cummins found a kindred spirit, and the Lion’s better watch out

GRAFFITI PARADISE

62

Paris’s grungy Belleville district is a haven for street artists and appreciators alike

BUDGET MOSCOW

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Cheap drinks and activities galore to be found in Russia’s capital – true story

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Caroline Garnar

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Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Jaqui Ward ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 3011 1066 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

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Phone 020 7989 0567 Email sales@tntmagazine.com Where to get TNT

cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Horse racing, bubbly and mad hats that would make Alice In Wonderland’s tea party host not even stand out – if your main experience so far of the genteel sport is the Melbourne Cup, then you need to get down and see how the English do it. As a bonus, TNT has a load of special treats in store for you, everything from £30 Silver Ring ticket with drink voucher offers, to £85 Grandstand or Pavillion packages to make sure you can schmooze with the Brits’ most glamorous glambots. And why not bring a little bit of Flemington with you. £10+

Royal Ascot, June 18-22, 10.30am. Tickets depend on enclosures Ascot Racecourse, High Street, SL5 7JX Ascot tntmagazine.com/ascot

AFFORDABLE ART FAIR

tangled feet outdoor theatre

knock2bag: sean hughes

The Hampstead branch of this bi-annual event in which art is brought to those who can’t afford thousands on a single piece for the second living room in the stately mansion they don’t have.

Talks on art history as well as emerging artists – and how to spot them – might aid your bargain hunt.

The talented theatre ensemble brings this summer-long season of outdoor performance, including two world premieres – motherhoodfocused Push, which features comedy and pram choreography, and dazzling spinning aerial show One Million, about the number of unemployed youths in this country.

This Bethnal Green arts and creative space continues to attract some of the biggest names in comedy and spoken word, with legend Sean Hughes headlining this Friday’s show. Jacob Edwards, Dave Green, Bobby Mair, Kwame Asante and Brian Gittins line up as support for this night of funny lines and laughs.

£8+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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June 13, 11am-9.30pm. June 14-16, 11am-6pm East Heath Road, NW3 1TH Hampstead affordableartfair.com

FREE

Until Sept 1, times vary Various tangledfeet.com

£12

June 14, 7pm Rich Mix, 35-47 Bethnal Green Road, E1 6LA Liverpool Street richmix.org.uk

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Daring: the R Club kick start this cabaret fest

Men’s Wimbledon Final Day

PING PONG fancy dress PARTY

postcards festival North London

The Double R Club starts this third annual festival of circus, comedy, cabaret and burlesque with host Benjamin Louche leading you through a surreal David Lynchinspired world described as one of the most out-there nights in London. Other tops picks are the aerial performance groups Inverted and Bikes and Rabbits (14) in a double bill, and Piff The Magic Dragon’s madcapped magic and comedy (15). £15+

June 13-29, times vary 269a Archway Road, N6 5AA

Highgate

art in the wild

alternative guide to the universe

The wonderful natural world is in the spotlight for snapper Roger Hooper’s second exhibition this year. This time, the Pantanal wetlands of Africa and the Amazon rainforest are the focus as the breathtaking, wondrous evolutionary adaptation of lifeforms to their habitats are shown in all their diverse beauty.

The major show at the Southbank Centre’s Hayward Gallery takes an unconventional look at earth, with selftaught artists, architects and free thinkers showing their own take on the world and their perspective on the social and culture norms by which we abide. It forms part of the Festival of Neighbourhood season.

June 14-July 7, 11am-6pm Gallery@OXO, SE1 9PH London Bridge coinstreet.org

June 11-August 26 SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

FREE

Photos: Getty

jacksonslane.org.uk

£11

£5 TICKETS

Complimentary drink B4 2pm

BIG SCREENING of the Wimbledon Final at 2pm

Sunday 7th July Doors open 1pm

180-184 Earls Court Road, SW5 9QG No Wimbledon Tickets? No Problem!

TNT will be screening the Men’s FInal & running its very own tournament for the prestigious ‘TNT Ping Pong Champion’

Oz rock invasion Ash Grunwald headlines TNT’s 30th birthday bash next month, as Aussie bands storm the capital this summer Words alasdair MOrton “It is going to be a mega party!” Aussie blues champ Ash Grunwald promises for his forthcoming show at Koko to celebrate TNT’s 30th birthday. “I’ll dip into the back catalogue as well as some of the new stuff – I’ll be picking the party tunes for the night.”

Ash arrives in the capital at the end of the UK surf and beach community’s Sea Level tour. With seven albums to pick from he’s got no shortage of crowd rockers, but the Melbourne-born bluesman will be bringing something new to the capital, too, arriving fresh off gigging Down Under with The Living End’s bassist Scott Owen and drummer Andy Strachan.

“Scotty and I are mates,” he says of the collaboration sparked after the two began jamming when Owen moved to Ash’s hometown of Byron Bay. “We’d played a little before and I wanted to do something different, so I got Scott and then Rob Hirst [from Midnight Oil, no less] to make a novel rhythm section.” The threesome played a string of shows last year, before Hirst was replaced by Owen’s bandmate Strachan for a 14-date tour of Oz, which began last week in Hobart.

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Ash regularly collaborates, but this latest team-up of his trademark blues sound with rock’s power has made a new impression. “I never do things in the rock genre,” he says. “So it was something different for me that’s powerful and fun.”

The new supergroup even recorded an album, Gargantua (out June 20), which includes a bunch of new songs, including a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s global smash Crazy, which Ash fell in love with despite his love for old over the contemporary.

Their lead single, The Last Stand, was inspired by controversial coal and gas mining in Australia.

“It’s the worst environmental thing to ever happen in Australia,” he says.

“I used the idea of drawing a line in the sand, and wrote the lyrics from that.”

Working with Owen and Strachan opened up a new way of working, too.

“The notion of rehearsals is pretty novel to me,” Ash laughs. “But those guys are rehearsers, over-rehearsers even, which is a good thing!”

Fresh off rocking out in the southern hemisphere, Ash will arrive in London with Matthew P, Polly Maloney and

Melic in support, and with punk-rock’s urgency flowing into his legendary solo show and well-toured blues grooves.

“I keep things fresh for myself by mixing it up a lot,” he says of how his recent collaboration influences have influenced his trademark sounds.

“If you tour a lot in Australia, which is how I made my name, you inevitably play in the country a lot, which can be pretty raucous. You end up with a pub mongrel element in your music after a while, which I like!”

It will be this mongrel energy and his recent brush with the rock world that Ash will be tapping into at Koko.

“My theory is people work a nineto-five job, or even if they’re stoned all day, it’s great to come see music and leave excited and on top of the world.”

You’d need a lobotomy not to agree with that – it’s party time!

MORE AUSSIE GIGS IN LONDON ›› See Ash at TNT’s 30th Birthday Show. Koko.

July 28. £15 NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent tntmagazine.com/30thbday

OLD & NEW: ASH’S BEST SONGS tntmagazine.com/grunwald

tntMagazine.com

07/06/2013 17:12:11

ALL NEW

SOUND

SYSTEM

free entry AUs TrA LIA

N0.1 DJ Inspired: Ash’s blues has had a rock injection

28th July 2013 eArLY dJ seTs FroM 3PM TILL 11PM

GIGALUM | 7-8 CAvendIsh PArAde | CLAPhAM | London | UK | sW4 9dW

Funk-rockers: Melic fly the NZ flag at TNT’s party

‘the butcher for all your needs’ polskie mięso, mi so, w wę ędliny i kiełbasy kiełbasy łbasy

BUTCHERS

Unleashed: Ash’s Gargantua is hitting the UK TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TNT_1554_07 7

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07/06/2013 17:12:21

flume embankment

xavier rudd camden

The 26-year-old Sydneysider’s debut went to number one in the ARIA charts and his XOYO gig earlier this year sold out in the blink of a kangaroo’s eye. He’s back, this time with two shows at the Embankment club-cum-livemusic-venue Heaven. The star of this lad, aka Stephen Hartley, is rising rapidly!

Singer, multiinstrumentalist, songwriter, all-round talented bastard, activist, even – Rudd is many things.

To check out just how special this guy is as he plays the drums, didgeridoo and guitar, often all at the same time, get down to his Koko show, where he’ll be dipping into his 11-yearlong, seven LP-strong back catalogue, as well as serving up cuts from latest LP, last year’s Spirit Bird.

£10

July 3 & 4, 7pm 9 The Arches, WC2N 6NG Embankment heaven-live.co.uk

£22.50

jagwar ma north london Sydney duo Jono Ma and Gabriel Winterfield release their hotly anticipated debut album, Howlin’, on June 11, and have this hit-up-the-touts show at XOYO to blast the UK with their baggy-meets-electronica tunes.

You’ve heard Come Save Me already, and had its Haçienda fused with contemporary cool drilled into your cranium.

Now think of a whole album chock full of these infectious little blighters. Did we say they’re going to be huge? £9

June 19, 8pm 32-37 Cowper St, EC2A 4AP

bowie jane across london Stories don’t come much better than that of this pop siren lawyer – all fancy suits and Ally McBeal sass in the courtroom by daytime, but when the night falls she’s a slinky pop star (see P32 for more on this double life).

London-based Aussie singer Jane (above) released her debut single Luv Bomb earlier this year and has been seen at festival stages including Homelanz, Blackpool Pride and even the Australian Open grand slam tennis championships in Melbourne earlier this year.

Sophomore single Bad Boy is due for release on July 8. £10+

June 23, 12pm & Aug 10, 12pm Essex Pride Festival, CM1 1JJ; Homelanz, TW8 9JX Chelmsford Boston Manor bowiejane.com

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Old Street

June 24, 7pm 1a Camden High Street, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

xoyo.co.uk

glenn aitken across london

this flight tonight east london

The respected New Zealand singersongwriter will be playing a bunch of shows this summer across the capital. First up, he’ll be gracing the stages of southwest London at both Putney’s iconic Half Moon and then in Balham at ace local venue The Bedford (July 9), ahead of August’s Homelanz festival. Aitken moved to London back in 2003 to pursue his musical career and instantly found a superstar fan of his own, when Paul McCartney listed Aitken’s tune The Way as one of his favourite songs of 2004 before guesting on his debut, Extraordinary Lives. If you’re going to have a superstar fan, then you can’t do much better than a royally recognised ex-Beatle!

The indie-rockers who recently relocated from NZ to the Big Smoke explore the genre by recalling Radiohead, fellow London-Kiwis Temper Trap and even the late great Jeff Buckley. Their debut album Friendly Fire was out last year and the group, despite being signed, manage and crowd fund themselves to maintain their autonomy.

Also appearing at Homelanz.

Only London show this summer for the SA four-piece is Homelanz.

What do you get if you put a funk-rock bassist, a metal drummer, a classically trained saxophonist and a rock singer-songwriter into the same band? Easy – Melic (above). The groove-rockers from NZ have made London their home base for a while now and have been rocking you good folks the whole damn time. The EP Nowhere I’d Rather Be is out now, and the band have a debut LP in the pipeline due this summer. Play Water Rats (Jun 26) and Bush Hall (Aug 2). Best of all, they’ll be rocking TNT’s 30th (July 28).

June 17, 7pm Half Moon Putney, 93 Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU Putney halfmoon.co.uk

Aug 10, 12pm Boston Manor Park, TW8 9JX Boston Manor homelanz.co.uk

June 26, 7pm Water Rats, WC1X 8BZ King’s Cross melicband.com

£5

FREE

June 17, 10pm Vibe Bar, E1 6QL Old Street thisflighttonight.com

desmond and the tutus north london £30

melic north london £7

tntMagazine.com

07/06/2013 17:12:25

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07/06/2013 11:05:55 05/06/2013 15:49

Celebrating Years

FEATURING

Beach-themed fancy dress competition

Sunday 28th July First 100 people to book tickets will be entered into an exclusive prize draw

BOOK ONLINE AT

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1a Camden High St London NW1 7JE TNT_1554_010 10

07/06/2013 11:05:56

deep sea arcade north london

munkinpure north london

The psychedelic Sydney indie-rockers (below) are another allconquering component of the current Aussie invasion.

They released their debut, Outlands, last November to critical acclaim, and have supported the likes of Noel Gallagher and his High Flying Birds, The Charlatans, and Kaiser Chiefs. They’ve a new single out, Granite City, and a load of summer UK dates including the Buffalo Bar, the Shacklewell Arms (July 20) and the Blackadder and Friends all-dayer in Islington (Aug 10).

The alt rock band (below) upped and relocated from their native Johannesburg to London back in 2010 and have played consistently across the city. They followed the 2010 debut This Is Where The Money Went with the EP A Different Kind Of Beat, a hit last summer. Also play ZIM Arts Day (Aug 3), Homelanz Festival (Aug 10), Samfest in Surrey (Aug 17) and Dublin Castle (Aug 26).

£6

June 12, 7pm Buffalo Bar, N1 1RU Angel buffalobar.co.uk

£7

tame impala hammersmith Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker (above) won’t be suffering from lonerism when he and the rest of the band stride into London this month to cement their place as the hottest band of the moment and, surely, the best Aussie export since Guy Pearce rocked up on Ramsay Street. Well, you get what we mean. The Perth fivesome’s sophomore LP, Lonerism, was a Best Album of 2012 mainstay, making this Apollo gig hotly anticipated. Be there or be box-shaped! £22

June 25, 7pm W6 9QH Hammersmith

hammersmithapollo.com

tahuna breaks north london

i am giant north london

Named after Tahuna Street, where they had their first jam, the NZ seven-piece are this year’s Homelanz headliners.

They’re famed for an energetic live show and a sound that’s genre-crossing – funk to reggae to soul – and decade sprawling.

A classy southern hemisphere act.

They’ve just finished a UK tour in support of debut The Horrifying Truth and new single Neon Sunrise. The mental threepiece hit up Homelanz.

£30

splashh hyde park One of the support acts to The Rolling Stones at their first Barclaycard British Summer Time gig at Hyde Park, these guys serve up grunge and indie with sunny vibes mixed in among the scruffy tunes (and jeans).

An Antipodean-Brit hybrid (frontman and guitarist Sasha Carlson and drummer Jacob Moore are the Kiwis, guitarist Toto Vivian’s the Australian, and bassist Tom Beal is the UK component), they formed last year and their debut, Comfort, is due out July 2.

July 6, 12pm Hyde Park, SW1X 7LY Hyde Park Corner splashh.co.uk

Photos: Getty

£95+

July 12, 1pm The Fiddler’s Elbow, NW5 3HS Chalk Farm munkinpure.com

£30

Aug 10, 12pm Boston Manor Park, TW8 9JX Boston Manor homelanz.co.uk

blue king brown highbury

Funky house, disco and pop abound on the Sydney DJ duo’s new single, I Didn’t Believe. They play Village Underground.

Vocalist and guitarist Ryan Morris, drummer Adam Jenkins and vocalist and bassist Tyron Layley were born in Ballito, South Africa, but are based in London now. Influenced by the likes of pop-punkers Green Day, alt-rock kings Foo Fighters and My Chemical Romance.

The Melbournebased eight-piece urban roots band led by singer-activist Natalie Pa’apa’a bring their spirited tunes to town. Known as much for their allencompassing live show as for their political and philosophical take on the world, its people and its future, they’re a force to be reckoned with. Music that feeds the mind, body and soul, and might make you want to get out there and affect a change – or dance.

Play Homelanz, too (Aug 10).

June 13, 7pm 54 Holywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ Liverpool Street villageunderground.co.uk

Aug 10, 12pm Boston Manor Park, TW8 9JX Boston Manor homelanz.co.uk

July 1, 7pm The Garage, N5 1RD Highbury & Islintgon mamacolive.com/thegarage

Aug 10, 12pm Boston Marnor Park, TW8 9JX Boston Manor homelanz.co.uk

FLIGHT FACILITIES north london £11.50

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TNT_1554_011 11

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07/06/2013 17:13:00

LONDONDRINKS

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Oasis: sunny vibes at the Roof Park

BAR

An oasis of blissed-out calm high above the gritty streets of Dalston, this astro-turfed rooftop bar might not have the prettiest views of London, but it does nail the summer drinking vibe with inevitably trendy precision. On top of the Print House, a four-storey former factory near Dalston Kingsland station, if the sun’s out you’d be hard pushed to find a more satisfyingly summery place to chill, whether you manage to nab one of the child-sized plastic chairs near the bar, or just park your bum on the turf of the faux garden. It might be the very heart of hipsterland, but we didn’t detect anything tryhard on our visit – the opposite, in fact, with a relaxed community feel making this one of the more pleasant communal spaces in which to soak up London’s rays with your mates.

THE GRUB A rotating schedule of gourmet street food outfits are cooking on the rooftop, from fried chicken aficionados The Wing Men, to hot dog hawkers Frank’s Franks and the more exotic Zoe’s Ghana Kitchen.

THE SCENE

Cocktails blended using a selection of teas (Oolong to Earl Grey) and fruit and herbs from the Roof Park’s grow-bags, plus Meantime beers.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails start at £6.50; pints start at £4.50; wine from £4.50/ £17 per glass/ bottle.

VERDICT The model of a seasonal rooftop retreat, minus pretension. LAURA CHUBB BEHIND THE BAR

Print House, 18 Ashwin Street, E8 3DL

3 OF THE BEST CABARET DINNERS

bootstrapcompany.co.uk

Dalston Kingsland

VOLUPTÉ LOUNGE

CAFÉ DE PARIS

THE HIPPODROME

This decadent Bloomsbury den – all low lighting and red velvet drapes – offers three courses and a sassy show at regular night Baby Grand Burlesque for £67 (next on June 11). Proper grub too (sirloin, lamb rump, etc).

A historic slice of old-world glamour in Piccadilly (it first opened in 1924), Saturdays host The Wam Bam Club, where comedy, magic, music and burlesque take centre stage (£35 for the show, £70 with a two-course meal).

Burlesque star Kitty Bang Bang (The Hurly Burly Show) and cabaret producer Bioux Lee Hayes (Boom Boom Club) host this exotic late-night cabaret show (£10+), with pre- or post-show dinner in the Heliot restaurant.

volupte-lounge.com

cafedeparis.com

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Photos: Mikael Jaeger Jensen, Volupte-lounge

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BITE SIZE

Hot stuff: sizzling shows at Proud Cabaret

LONGEST TASTING MENU Fancy a bite of the world’s longest tasting menu? You’re in luck if you think you can stomach it, as foodie explorers unearthed are serving up samples of their Guinness World Record attempt – a whopping 193 courses, each of them for a different country – at a pop-up in Hackney this weekend. The record attempt takes place Thursday, where there’ll also be a vote on the best dishes. The winning 10 morsels will then be offered to punters during hour-long seating slots on Friday and Saturday. Thankfully for your waistbands, each dish is bitesized. Although there’s always the chance you could end up feasting on grasshoppers from Congo and bird’s milk from Romania. Yum. Tickets are £10; time slots 6pm-10pm. Tweet your interest and preferred seating time to @foodsunearthed. discoverunearthed.com

new BEER GIN GARDEN Forget beer gardens – this summer, top-notch Docklands pub The Gun is opening a gin garden on its sun deck, with astro turf, deck chairs, picnic blankets and ping pong giving it that classic English country feel. Open for ad hoc events through summer. Follow @thegundocklands for updates. thegundocklands.com

Photos: Getty; Proud Cabaraet

YANKEE BREWS AND ’CUE Date for the diary: The White Horse in Parsons Green hosts an American Beer Festival July 4-7, with microbreweries including Brooklyn (pictured), Flying Dog and Stone all represented, plus hog roast and a barbecue cooking up American classics. We recommend!

proud cabaret CONTEMPORARY EUROPEAN

Few meals in town are as sexy as the one to be had at Proud Cabaret’s City venue (not to be confused with their Camden locale). Set in the basement of an otherwise nondescript city building, the place does a good job of evoking the Twenties speakeasy it hopes to mimic. We sampled the scene on one of their event nights, The Silencing Of Miss Scarlet, which combines dinner with cabaret and a film noir murder plot. Voluptuous waitresses donned in glittery, hip-hugging basques pour the tipples, while West End actors between productions expertly belt out catchy (and often raunchy) show tunes. The real allure is the exceptional burlesque – easily some of London’s best. Expect fire eaters, fan dancers and some deft acrobatics.

The grub The food is definitely not the point at Proud Cabaret – and even if it were the greatest grub on the planet, it would have a difficult time competing with the tassels. That said, it’s solid fare. The ingredients are all UK-sourced (so pat yourself on your eco-friendly back). Still, you’re better off not challenging the chef too greatly. An order of scallops was a tad overcooked, though the salmon ceviche made for a simple and pleasing starter. British staples inevitably come up trumps; roast lamb, for instance, was expertly cooked, and a beef wellington was equally satisfactory. Service was a bit spotty at times – it could be slow and brusk – but this hardly detracted from a delightfully fun show.

THE SCENE

There are a few gems on the cocktail menu, such as the Gin ‘n’ Tea (Gordon’s mixed with tea and raspberry puree) and the Bourbon Breakfast (served with a helping of marmalade). The beer and wine menu is a bit more limited, so you might as well go for the more unusual cocktail mixes.

Bill please Show and three courses is £40. Bottles of beer from £4.50; cocktails from £9; a glass of wine starts at £3.50. Fridays at 8.30pm (doors open 6.30pm). verdict A tasting menu that titillates (in more ways than one). DAISY CARRINGTON Behind the bar

whitehorsesw6.com 1 Mark Lane, EC3R 7AH

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TNT EXCLUSIVE OFFER The Pavilion Club at Royal Ascot Tuesday 18th & Wednesday 19th June The Pavilion Club provides the perfect place to soak up the atmosphere of the Royal Meeting and enjoy a glass of champagne with friends in quintessentially British surroundings. The Club is located a short walk from the track and Parade Ring.

• Grandstand Admission ticket • Pavilion Club badge • Complementary afternoon tea • Private bar • Party into the evening with extended opening hours • Free Racecard TNT Exclusive offer £85 per person. A saving of £37 per person per day.

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Who’s The Boss?: Bruce Springsteen, that’s who

festival

watch

ibiza rocks

bruce springsteen Wembley Stadium, Empire Way, HA9 0WS sat, june 15 | Doors at 12pm | £45

Ibiza, the island forever associated with dance music, got an injection of rock in 1998 with this annual festival that adds the guitars to the decks.

This year’s four-month season sees Jake Bugg at the opening party, with the likes of The Vaccines, Chase and Status (live), Example and Ellie Goulding (left) before Foals and Aussie stars Jagwar Ma co-headline the closing party.

Majorca Rocks runs in parallel.

Ibiza Rocks House at Pikes Hotel, Sant Antoni, Ibiza. June 5-Sept 18. £23pppn+

You could’ve forgiven The Boss for avoiding London for the foreseeable future after his legendary, god-knows-how-many-years-in-the-making duet with Sir Paul McCartney last year got axed halfway through due to pedantic curfew laws. But the man of the people has forgiven the UK and is back with yet another one of his mammoth, three-hour (at least) gigs this year.

He is wisely not going back to the scene of the crime, Hyde Park, but is taking to the iconic surrounds of the totally ass-kicking Wembley Stadium. His last album, 2012’s Wrecking Ball, saw New Jersey’s famous son back in a bullish mood and featured the sort of grandstanding yet intimate songs he’s famous for (the milder eccentricity of the preceding Working On A Dream was replaced by a more bristling sound and lyrical content, with many of Ball’s songs dating back to the Nineties). Even so, it is the biggies most people will be rocking up for.

Springsteen’s ability to write the sort of music that is terrace-ready and crowd pleasing, but which does not lose either his emotional clout or personal voice is what has won him so many fans and ensured his longevity. See him play on stage, whether it is New York’s Madison Square Garden in 1978, or London’s Wembley Stadium in the new millennium’s second decade, and you never once get the feeling you’re watching a multi-millionaire on stage – his passion, energy, and dedication to delivering a great show remains undimmed and unparalleled.

Eighty thousand people singing Born To Run – it’s as rock ‘n’ roll should be!

ibizarocks.com Wembley Park

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NEW BAND

rihanna GIG jun 15 & 16. 4pm £45+

The sexy pop princess is never far from controversy, whether it’s angering women’s groups by getting back with her punchy ex, Chris Brown, or upsetting British farmers by cavorting nekkid in their fields. Far from sorry, she’s here on the Diamonds Tour playing from her platinum-selling sixth album, Unapologetic.

Twickenham Stadium Twickenham Stadium, TW2 7BA Twickenham rfu.com/TwickenhamStadium

key of life

soundcrash presents

CLUB

CLUB

fri, june 14. 10pm-6am FREE

sat, june 15. 9pm-3am £17.50

Key of Life are launching this new weekly house party, which celebrates the hottest underground sounds in the capital with some of the scene’s most established and loved stars, too. This first night features German duo Super Flu, Andhim and Mets, and there’ll also be magicians, belly dancers and an outdoor shisha area.

The Bug ft. Flowdan & Daddy Freddy (live), drum ‘n’ bass leader dBridge, dubstep pioneer Mala and dub legend Mad Professor (live) line up for this north London party, courtesy of Soundcrash, who are known for bringing you letfield electronic music with stellar lines ups, just like this.

Area 67-68 Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP Vauxhall facebook.com/keyoflifeevents

Koko 1a Camden High St, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent soundcrashmusic.com

dinosaur pile up The buzz so far The Leeds trio – “three dudes out to slay the world,” in their own words – are set to unleash sophomore LP, Nature Nurture, and its 11-stong rocking, rifftastic, harmonic laden tunes.

“Making the album, things felt very on the edge,” founder and frontman Matt Bigland says. “But that made the songs come out real, and alive.

It’s a real guitar record.” Non-album teaser track Hanging By A Thread is available on their website.

The Critics say “Energetic, anthemic grunge” theskinny.co.uk

Nature Nurture is out June 17 through So Recordings.

Play Cargo. July 17. £8.50 83

the plug

Photos: Getty

Rivington Street, London EC2A 3AY Old Street dinosaurpileup.com

the breeders

found festival

chelsea light moving

GIG

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wed, junE 19. 7pm £27.50

sat, junE 15. 11am-9pm $50

fri, june 14. 7.30pm £19.25

One quarter of The Pixies and legend to bassists everywhere, Kim Deal, along with her twin sister Kelley, formed The Breeders in 1990. They released one album in 1993, Last Splash, and it’s now getting the full-on 20-year anniversary treatment. You can bet indie-rock classic Cannonball is going to absolutely shred tonight.

Cutting edge electronic sounds will fill Haggerston Park in Shoreditch this Saturday as those lovely folks at Found, who championed the capital’s electronic scene through their 15 parties at Hidden, bring together a stunningly diverse line-up of artists. Features Maya Jane Coles, Todd Terry (above), Subb-An and more.

The oddly named new project from alt-rock pioneer and former Sonic Youth frontman Thurston Moore comes to town. Their self-titled debut – named after an NY moving company – is out now and they play this ultra-sold out gig to show it off. Best bag a handful of cash and find a friendly tout!

The Forum 9-17 Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY Kentish Town theforumlondon.com

Haggerston Park Haggerston Park, E2 8EX Haggerston foundseries.co.uk/festival

Village Underground 54 Holywell Lane, EC2A 3PQ Liverpool Street villageunderground.co.uk

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A DOUBLE PASS ON A HAGGIS ADVENTURES CORNWALL CRUSADER HAGGiS Adventures is giving one lucky reader a double pass worth £430 to a five-day Cornwall Crusader tour to Stonehenge, Newquay, Bath and Land’s End. This epic adventure includes your local HAGGiS guide, all transport, a free surfing lesson on Newquay Beach and a Lonely Planet guidebook. Tick another box on your bucket list as you marvel at the mysterious Stonehenge before exploring Salisbury’s medieval cathedral. See where the magic happens in Glastonbury and take in the dramatic Cheddar Gorge. Then,

party hard in Newquay, visit the birthplace of King Arthur, and marvel at the ancient Roman Baths and Georgian architecture in Bath.

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Daniel Holdsworth Half of Australian act Tubular Bells ‘For Two’ tells us how they came to tour the world playing Mike Oldfield’s oddball pop odyssey INTERVIEW alasdair morton

How did the idea of you and Aidan Roberts recreating Mike Oldfield’s seminal Tubular Bells record on stage come about?

It was really just an accident. Aidan and I were playing along with some guitars to some records one night over a bottle of wine, and gradually it turned into what it is now. We thought it would be a good idea to learn to play the whole record on two guitars, not to perform it, though, but for the fun of it – something to do during the week.

At what point did you realise it could become something more?

When we bought a loop pedal. We realised that during the finale on Side One you could loop the bass line and then go from one instrument to another – the grand piano, reed pipe organ, glockenspiel and then the bass guitar. We started adding more and more instruments until before we knew it we had a whole house full of them.

Were you big fans of Oldfield’s going in to this project?

It is strange, we are not a tribute act and we are not the biggest Mike Oldfield fans in the world, either. It happened to be a record we were listening to one night that has taken us on this journey. Normally back home we are playing our own music in our own bands and composing for film, TV and theatre. But this little idea that sparked that night has taken off.

Photos: shanerozario.com

How did the first show come about?

First we thought about playing at a local pub, but friends of ours run a cabaret room [The Clarendon in Katoomba, NSW] and they gave us a night. We said, “It’s a strange idea, we promise to bring 20 or 30 friends and family along.” We thought that would be the end of it.

But we arrived at the venue and it had sold out, so we did it again and again.

Rehearsals must have been tough…

Yeah. It took about nine months before that first show. We had to figure out how to piece the puzzle together. Who has a spare hand at one point. And it is still changing. We always want to make it better. We made a DVD of the show at the Sydney Festival last year. At that point we

Ambitious: Daniel (left) and Aidan bring a seminal pop classic to life thought it was as good as it could get, but I have looked back and watched it and it is quite awful. We have made it so much better!

I can hear that there are other layers we wanted in there that we now have.

You like to challenge yourselves then?

Of course. We aren’t a covers group – the show has taken on a life of its own. We have put so much work into getting the show to where it now is.

What is it like being out on the road for so long?

It’s the longest tour I have ever done – it is a fitness regime being out on tour for five months. We are going to go home pretty buff!

Do you get quite diverse audiences?

The show went down well at [Edinburgh] Fringe to mixed audiences. We get those who grew up with the record and know every Mike Oldfield album, but also people who don’t even know who Mike Oldfield is.

Who do you think best ‘gets’ the show?

In one way the show is aimed at them [the Oldfield fans], but we aren’t an Oldfield tribute band. You get all levels of appreciation. Some are there for the music, some for the theatrical spectacle – and then some girlfriends who got

dragged along but end up having a great time anyway and wanting to buy the DVD. What has been the best show?

The Union Chapel for the 40th anniversary of the LP’s release. We had a lot of Mike Oldfield Fan Club people there.

No pressure then…

Yeah, they know it really well, but they loved the show. We’re in touch with a lot of them regularly. Some of them think the show will be terrible but they want to know what it is about.

Are they protective?

Very. Some people come in thinking we are taking the piss, so they get quite defensive but then they realise how much respect we give it.

Many say that we perform it closer to how Mike Oldfield performs it, as he changes it all the time and rarely plays it now anyway.

What are your goals for the project?

Our long term goal is to play it exactly how it is in the record – if we can do that on stage then we will probably just hang up our boots and go and do something else for a while!

Tubular Bells ‘For Two’ at London Wonderground. June 25. £17.50 SE11 8XX Waterloo londonwonderground.co.uk

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Broken hearts: an impressive debut about life and love

stuck in love FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Lily Collins, Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Connelly, Logan Lerman | 15 | 96mins

man of steel FILM Starring: Henry Cavill, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon | 12A | 143mins

DC Comics and Warner Bros relaunch Superman with Zack Snyder (Watchmen) at the helm and Batgenius Christopher Nolan as executive producer. A more gritty, real worldbased adventure that goes back to the start and brings Clark Kent and his alien alter-ego to a whole new generation. Going to be this year’s mega-smash movie not to miss.

On general release June 14

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Lily Collins’ cynical 20-year-old aspiring writer Samantha tells one hapless suitor in a bar that there are hopeless romantics and realists out there, and that the former are the ones that don’t get laid. By the end of this familial drama about life and love, it is clear which side of this debate writer director Josh Boone is on.

Love spans a year in the lives of a family of bookworms – famed author Bill (Greg Kinnear); the ex wife he still loves (Connelly); daughter Samantha, whose first novel is about to be published; and teen Rusty (Nat Wolff) who’s making his first dalliances with the opposite sex – as they navigate relationships and love.

This could have been a god awful indie take on Valentine’s Day, with too many characters and wistful glances, and precious little actual content. But first time filmmaker Boone has made a debut that is shrewdly observant, darkly comic and more than a little hopeful as the relationships blossom.

Drawing on his own parents’ divorce when he was a youth, personal insights abound, especially in romantic yet naive Rusty. Boone’s smart script offers up a new take on dysfunctional families, too, and many a sharp exchange, especially between Sam and her quick-witted verbal-sparring partner Lou, who forces her to question her “avoid love at all costs” scepticism.

There’s also solid performances across the board from a team of up and coming talent – Cole and Lerman especially are ones to watch – and a hip indie-rock soundtrack rounds out the underground cool kudos. An impressive debut.

Good for: Bringing out the romantic in the most sceptical relationship realist.

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aziz ansari: buried alive

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Carolina-born stand-up and actor Ansari is best known in the UK from Get Him To The Greek, Scrubs and his current role in incredibly ace Parks And Recreation. It’s been two years since his sold-out shows at Soho Theatre, making this one-off gig – about the preposterousnous of love and marriage – a total must see.

Hammersmith Apollo W6 9QH. June 15. £22.50 Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.com

D*Face: new world disorder

THE WEST END MEN IN CONCERT

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

English street artist D*Face’s exhibition considers the thoroughly contemporary issues of chaos, disorder and loss. There is also the chance to pop above the StolenSpace gallery and check out his own studio at The Old Truman Brewery, a special experience indeed as the gallery is about to relocate and the studios are all demolished.

Four guys with West End credits, the curly one (Lee Mead), the short one (Glenn Carter), the ginger one (powerfully voiced David Thaxton) and the expensive one (Matt Willis) – their nomenclature, not ours – sing a compilation of West End songs and chart hits. Pleasing if unadventurous. LK

StolenSpace Gallery The Old Truman Brewery, E1 6QL. Until June 23. FREE Aldgate East stolenspace.com

Vaudeville The Strand, WC2R 0NH. Until June 22. £20+ Charing Cross nimaxtheatres.com

david griffiths What’s the show about? C U In Court is the true story of how I obsessively fought French Connection (FCUK) for my right to wear my Cnut T-shirts on stage. It exposes the double standards, intimidation and ruthlessness of giant corporations.

What’s been the most surprising reaction to your story? Balls Of Steel host Mark Dolan saw my show and said it was as important to see as Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me!

Photos: Getty; Richard Hubert Smith

When did you decide to take this story to the stage? I was asked to do a lecture for the University of Westminster’s Law Department in February on my legal battle with French Connection. The feedback was that it would make a good Edinburgh Show, so here I am!

summer in february

the perfect american

FILM

THEATRE

This love triangle romantic-drama is set in Cornwall in 1913 among a group of bohemian young folk as famous artist Alfred Mullings (Dominic Cooper, Mama Mia) and his well-todo friend Gilbert Evans (dapper Dan Stevens, Downton Abbey) both fall in love with Florence Carter-Wood (Emily Browning). Period romance based on Jonathon Smith’s novel.

Improbable Theatre brings you this new opera, a fictionalised musing on the last months of Walt Disney’s life that paints a far from flattering portrait of the man who created an empire out of cartoon creatures and crowd-pleasing theme parks. Copyrighted Donald and Mickey are conspicuously absent. LK

On general release June 14

London Coliseum St Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4ES. Until June 28. £19+ Leicester Square eno.org

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen? My mother’s cat once jumped on the back of a pheasant.

When it fell off she tried to catch it and she was scratched to death. Not literally. But she was scratched.

C U In Court Etcetera Theatre, NW1 7BU. June 15. £5 Camden etceteratheatre.com Lee Hurst’s Backyard Comedy Club, E2 0EL. July 7. £13

Bethnal Green

backyardbar.co.uk

kingcnut.com

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Show reel: Felicity Ward was Ugly As A Child and faced The Hedgehog Dilemma – Irregardless of this, she’s conquering comedy one performance at a time ...

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‘I’m a loosecannon nob’ Aussie treasure Felicity Ward conquered hometown Woy Woy and a drinking problem to be comedy’s next big thing. She’s moving to London and brings The Hedgehog Dilemma with her Words laura chubb “A railway station and a titty bar wrapped in an anus,” is how Felicity Ward describes her hometown of Woy Woy, a small slice of suburbia (pop. 9985) on the Central Coast of New South Wales. And yet it’s these humble beginnings that set Ward on a path to comedy stardom, her debut standup show Ugly As A Child recalling this less than glamorous upbringing with brutally hilarious honesty, and bagging her Best Newcomer at the Melbourne Fringe into the bargain.

That was back in 2008, and in the five short years since Ward has been decorated and adored the world over, winning accolades and selling out seasons at the Edinburgh Fringe, the Sydney and Perth Comedy Festivals and Melbourne International Comedy Festival, to name just a few. She’s also been a regular face on the likes of ABC’s Spicks And Specks and Network Ten’s Good News Week.

But while it might sound like Ward was blessed with a shortcut to success, truth is it’s been a rough road – a chapter she’s looking to close with a re-run of her most difficult show, The Hedgehog Dilemma, at the Soho Theatre this month, before starting afresh with new material at the Edinburgh Fringe in August.

“My last show [Hedgehog] was a bit gut-wrenching because it was based on a time when a lot of things were bad,” Ward tells TNT, her sober confession completely at odds with the assault of animated, ever-so-slightly unhinged energy she thrusts down the phone line.

Indeed, it’s hard to imagine Ward as the “sad clown” she’s admitted to feeling like in the past. Around her first Edinburgh Fringe show, one interviewer wrote that she was “as endearingly doolally when in civvies as she is when performing”, and that holds true today, even if Ward insists she’s “chilled out a lot since I first started”.

If this is Ward at her most mellow, we’re alarmed at the idea of her even more excitable: “When I first did Edinburgh I was crazy!” she yells in her brash Aussie brogue, before half-singing, half-squealing: “I LOST MY MIND!” Nod. Smile.

Back away.

Because Hedgehog is rooted in what was a tough time for the comedian, Ward had feared it might be too serious to get laughs. The title itself is hardly the stuff of knee-slapping mirth, referring to the impossibility of human intimacy without causing mutual harm (much as hedgehogs will hurt each other with their spines if they get too close).

She admits a trial run of the show for friends confirmed her anxieties. “They said the first half, which was full of stories about my drinking problem [Ward is now teetotal], was just too sad.” The solution? Ward converted her sorry tales into a three-minute, Supercalifragilisticexpialidociousesque ditty. Much funnier.

“

When I first did Edinburgh I was crazy

”

In the end, Hedgehog hit a home run. Taking Ward’s experiences of quitting the grog (her drinking was at one time so out of hand, she got a call from TV’s Logie Awards asking that she “pace herself” on the big night), ending ››

Barbed: Ward lives out her spiky conundrum tntMagazine.com

27

an eight-year relationship and starting life “from scratch”, it turned them into something audiences could both relate to and piss themselves laughing at. It won her Best Australian Act in Sydney and Perth and she was nominated for Best Comedy at Melbourne and the Adelaide Fringe last year, too.

“I want to talk about stuff that’s important to me, but I don’t want to preach at people,” Ward explains.

“So if I’m as honest as I can be, you’re either going to laugh at me and feel relieved it’s not you, or you might connect with what I’m saying.

“And that can be something as earnest as, ‘I had a drinking problem’, or as grotesque as the joke I make about going to the beautician and her asking if I want my toes waxed, and me saying, ‘No, stick to the arrangement, a half leg and my arsehole is fine.’

“There are always two women in the audience who laugh a lot louder than they want to at that.”

Perhaps it’s unsurprising Ward has so deftly turned tragedy into comedy – seems she just can’t help being funny.

After all, stand-up was never part of the plan.

“I’d wanted to be a serious actor,” she reveals. “I was a failed actor for a really long time. But since doing my very

“

I have slipped on a banana skin twice

”

first stand-up gig [in 2008] I’ve never had to do anything else, which is extraordinary.”

An example of this natural knack for clowning? “I’ve slipped on a banana peel twice in my life, and no one was there to see it.”

There remains an element of personal struggle in the new show debuting in Edinburgh, Irregardless, which touches on the anxiety attacks Ward suffered after her first Fringe performances in Scotland (she admits to “bawling” in the aftermath of particularly harsh heckles). But it’s not all gags from gloom.

“The themes are: stand-up is a ridiculous job, I had some anxiety and I love junkies,” she decides. “I did previews in Perth a few months ago and it was fucking great. It’s not a strict narrative like Hedgehog, so I was like, oh yeah, this is stand-up, talking to the audience and being a dickhead.

Being a nob really is my specialty. A loose-cannon nob.”

Irregardless marks both the end of Ward’s difficult Hedgehog chapter and the beginning of a new one, its more happy-go-lucky vibe coinciding with a decision to settle in London and make a go of it here.

“I want to get better and be as good as I can be, so it’s exciting being surrounded by the level of competition and opportunity [in London],” she says. “Hopefully I’ll thrive in that environment rather than get sucked under and overwhelmed.”

So long as there are no banana peels lying in wait, we reckon Ward will be standing tall. ❚ The Hedgehog Dilemma. June 20-22. £10+ Soho Theatre, 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE Court Road sohotheatre.com

Tottenham

FELICITY’S FUNNIEST MOMENTS tntmagazine.com/funny-felicity

28

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

MORE AUSSIE STAND-UPS… Ronny Chieng: The Ron Way Winner of the Best Newcomer award at last year’s Melbourne Comedy Festival, Chieng (right) takes The Ron Way to Edinburgh in August where he makes his Fringe debut, and London soon after. Condescending and hilarious, Ron has a staggering intellect, and knows it, so he proceeds to batter you and your insignificant-by-comparison IQ over the head to shows why, among other things, being Chinese is really, really cool.

Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. August TBC Tottenham Court Road ronnychieng.com

Matt Okine: Being Black & Chicken & S#%t Matt has been taking his Being Black... show around the world for the past 12 months, winning himself the joint Best Newcomer award at last year’s Melbourne Comedy Festival. He’s been slaying crowds with his well-crafted, superbly told stand-up, and tackles the silly as well as the serious. The 2Day FM Comedy God 2004 finalist is one to watch and also makes his Edinburgh Fringe debut in August.

Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. August TBC Tottenham Court Road mattokine.com

Claudia O’Doherty: Pioneer The eccentric and unpredictable Melbournite returns to Edinburgh to dazzle, stun and perplex in equal measure. Last year’s Fringe show The Telescope was a wild concoction of ‘upsetting theatre’ and historical spoofs that took apart theatrical conventions before submitting itself to Claudia’s whim. So who knows where the lass will go this year.

The Invisible Dot, N1 9BG. June 12. £10 King’s Cross theinvisibledot.com

Benny Boot: As Seen On TV He stormed the Altitude Festival last year and has since been hailed by the likes of Andrew Maxwell and Marcus Brigstocke as the next ‘comic’s comic’. He’s taking all this hoopla by staging his very own TV show in Edinburgh this year. The performances will be filmed, despite the small matter of Benny not actually having a TV show … yet. Catch this one-of-a-kind comedy before he heads north of the border.

Kingston Crack Comedy Kingston, KT2 5EE. July 12. £8 crackcomedy.com King’s Cross The Harrison, WC1H 8JF. July 18. £9 facebook.com/benny.boot

Jen Carnovale: Is Not A Person Despite appearances, the former Triple J host, who was a semi-finalist at last year’s Leicester Square New Act of the Year comp, insists with her new show she’s not a person. Why? You could ask Sam Simmons, in whose Urban Monkey show she’s appeared. Or you could check her out at this year’s Fringe – her third time up north – or at one of her London preview shows.

Jester Jesters, EC1R 3BL. June 10.

FREE Farringdon The T-Bird, N4 2DX June 28. Free Arsenal jencarnovale.com

TNT_1554_029 29

07/06/2013 11:05:59

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Bunny money: Playboy Club is funding Sara Rourke’s psychotherapy doctorate

Lead a double life In a world of Playboy Bunnies with PHDs and pop star lawyers, you really can be anything you want to be Words caroline garnar Leading a double life might sound impossibly cool, but plenty of people are juggling two careers these days, helping them earn more money, gather more skills and realise their dreams.

Money, money, money When considering the perks of having two jobs, John Cusack as Joey Coyle shagging his girlfriend on a big pile of wonga in Money For Nothing springs to mind. But even if you don’t get to cashmattress levels, you could potentially more than double your income.

At the least, having two jobs gives you added security in case you’re made redundant from one of your roles and you need something to fall back on.

“I will always have two options of careers in my life,” says Joe Morell, 30

tntMagazine.com

25, of Pinner in northeast London. He works for global PR agency Weber Shandwick by day and (with a little abracadabra) becomes a pro magician by night, having set up his company, Joe’s Magic (joesmagic.com) when he was 15. “If I decide to go down one route for a while, it’s always nice to know that, if times get hard, I have another option financially.”

Alternatively, it may be that you have a dream you want to fulfill, but can’t afford it. Taking up one job to fund another, or at least the training, is a canny answer. Sara Rourke, 29, became a Playboy Bunny brand ambassador at its club in Mayfair to put herself through a postgraduate doctorate in psychotherapy and counselling. “Before Bunnyhood, I was a commercial model

and ran a non-profit arts magazine (Arthur And Albert), but could never really save for my future,” she tells us.

As the London club’s only ambassador, Rourke mentors the other Bunnies, conducts Bunny training, brainstorms ideas for nights at the club and gives tours to VIPs and celebs.

“Being a Bunny has enabled me to follow my dreams,” she adds.

Two jobs are better than one If you have a hobby or ambition that you want to pursue professionally, it is a good idea to lay the groundwork alongside your full-time job, so you can test the waters before diving in.

“Most of my clients who have two sources of income are a little bit entrepreneurial, and enjoy dipping

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job simon johnson

Career Product manager for gaydar.co.uk Age 31 Lives Islington From Yorkshire How did you get into your job?

At the age of 17 I created the UK’s first commercial online magazine and brand for gay teenagers. Later, I sold the business to Millivres, publishers of Gay Times. Following the sale, the opportunity to join one of the world’s biggest and busiest gay brands was irresistible.

Lyrical lawyer: Bowie Jane

Working magic: Joe Morell

court, get changed their toes in the waters fitting it all in the toilet, and of ‘running my own • Don’t try to cram two full-time in run on stage. Most business’, but with jobs into one week. One needs people wouldn’t a secure job behind to fit into only your ‘spare’ hours, realise because I’m a them,” explains Ros usually evenings and weekends. different Toynbee, director • Go freelance – this way you can completely personality on stage.” at The Career Coach say ‘no’ to a job if necessary.

If your roles coincide, (thecareercoach.co.uk).

• Be organised. To-do lists and you can be open with Morell says having phone diaries are your best friends. your employer – they his extra skillset has • If you make a personal may even help you out. been a huge help. “I’ve commitment, stick to it. Don’t lose “The PR agency been able to use magic family contacts or friends over work.

I work for are very at various stages of • Talk to your boss about reducing supportive of my other my life, such as when your hours – you may be surprised career and have even I was away on my gap at how accommodating they are. me bookings,” year and I taught and • Know you will make sacrifices. got Morell says. Toynbee performed for underIt’s unavoidable, but the benefits adds if you’re keen to privileged children; should override them. If not, quit! work in a charitable also when I was at uni, sector, you may be able when I performed at to through your employer’s Corporate the annual society dinners.”

Social Responsibility (CSR) initiatives.

At the end of the day, it’s worth To be considered a go. As Toynbee says, “If it gets too How you go about having two jobs overwhelming, it’s OK to go back depends on whether the roles are to one career. You’ll have had complementary or not. If the jobs clash, the satisfaction that you will need to keep them separate you gave it NEXT WEEK and not let one affect the other. a good shot and A brilliant example of this is Aussie your CV will Bed fit: The sex lawyer/pop singer, Bowie Jane: “I’ve positions that will look better make you buff always kept my two jobs very separate, for it.” because it’s not very ‘pop’ to be a lawyer and it’s not very ‘lawyer’ to be CATCH BOWIE JANE IN ACTION pop,” she says. “I literally run from tntmagazine.com/pop-star-lawyer

What do you do day-to-day?

At the heart of every day of my job is creating and building relationships.

I was even lucky enough to meet my husband on the site. We ‘married’ last summer.

What’s the most rewarding part?

We support and develop initiatives with organisations such as the National AIDS Trust to ensure those with HIV have the same rights and protection as anybody else. We also provide a safe space for those living in countries where persecution for being gay can be the death penalty. gaydar.co.uk

How to... answer

this question: The job interview classic – What is your greatest weakness?

• “I tend to put work before everything else.”

• “I need to learn to delegate more as I often take on too much work myself.”

• “Chocolate” or “Rose Byrne”

will be met with a roll of the eyes. Don’t let your weakness be unprofessionalism.

• Pinpoint a skill you’ve

previously lacked but worked to improve (with evidence!).

tntMagazine.com

31

Multi award winning, Michelin starred restaurant requires

CHEF DE PARTIE If you are interested in working with great food and in an energetic, friendly team please email your CV to mattchristmas@chezbruce.co.uk

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

tntjobs.co.uk ACORN FURNITURE HIRE LTD T: 01635 248407 www.acornfurniturehire.com We supply dancefloors, bars, chairs, tables, sofas, etc on a temporary basis to the events industry, weddings and private parties.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Driver/Manual Location: Based near Newbury, Berkshire Salary: £60 per day pre tax includes accommodation if required Work permit & 7.5ton lorry & trailer licence essential. Immediate start to end September/possibly end December. Join a young team delivering, installing and removing furniture. Must be fit and strong – lifting involved.

Paddy Chichester | 07808 182580/01635 248407 | sales@

CLARENDON HOME CARE LTD T: 020 8546 2208 www.clarendonhomecare.com Clarendon Home Care is an established, family run care provider and we have clients across Surrey.

SIMPLY CREW www.simplycrew.co.uk We provider experienced support crew members and is primarily focused on the Special Events and Production industry.The founder has personal experience in this industry and is often found getting his hands dirty.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-in Home Care Assistant Location: Surrey Salary: £470-£590 per week You provide round the clock care to support people (mainly the elderly) living in their own homes with all aspects of their daily living.

Sharon Mccarthy | 020 8546 2208 | recruitment@clarendonhomecare.com Please apply at www.clarendonhomecare.com/working-for-us

JOB OF THE WEEK: Events Crew Location: London Salary: £10ph Role includes loading/unloading equipment, rigging/de-rigging equipment, AV, sound/lighting. Building/dismantling stages, set and marquees. Candidates must be well presented, reliable, diligent, puntual. Due to the demands of the job you must be fit and healthy. Fluent English is a must. You must be prepared to work weekends and unsociable hours. The is a part-time/casual role. jeremy@simplycrew.co.uk

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY 32

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JOBS

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07/06/2013 16:17:10

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

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Photos: Getty

ROYAL ASCOT BARGAINS It’s not long now ‘til Royal Ascot, so before you buy your hat, make sure xxxxxxxxx you’ve booked yourself a ticket. And you can bag Xxxxxxxxxxx yourself an awesome bargain with our TNT Exclusive offer. For just xxxxxxxxx £30, you get access to the Silver Ring, three free drinks, a £2 Tote bet and Xxxxxxxxxxx a Racecard, saving you more than 25 per cent.

Up for something a little more decadent? xxxxxxxxx Our Grandstand and Pavilion package includes Xxxxxxxxxxx complimentary afternoon tea and more for £85 (saving £37 per person).

Must be booked by June xxxxxxxxx 14. Call 01344 878536, quoting TNTRA2013. For Xxxxxxxxxxx full details of offers see tntmagazine.com/royalascot.

FAST FOOD FOR LESS Not sure how ethical it is of TNT to tell you this, but if you register at burgerking.co.uk/offers, you can download a whole sheet of vouchers that clinches you everything from 2-4-1 Whoppers to chicken nuggets and fries for under £2.50. Vouchers must be downloaded by July 14, but are valid until July 21. There are 18 deals in total. Disclaimer: we will not be blamed for ensuing obesity.

because if you bring loads of cash and your bank card you end up spending all of it, especially when you’re drunk. Or just buy loads of tinnies and drink at home.

Kelly Watson, 25 Job Pastry maker From Brockley Lives London

aside for spending and the rest of my wages go into the bank for bills, rent, overdraft and any other debts.

How do you budget?

I budget really well, actually.

I keep about £80 a week

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Only take £20 out with you,

Last big blow-out?

Last weekend, on naughty things like booze and fun.

It was my house party, though, so it wasn’t too hard on the old pocket.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

I don’t really spend money on myself. I don’t go shopping. The only nonessential stuff I buy is booze!

how THEY spend it!

Bonkers bar bills The BBC refused to pay for a £36 bottle of champagne to see off a departing staff member last week, despite having shelled out £103,667 on bubbly between 2007 and 2011

❚ Think that’s a big booze bill? Hollywood hotshot Leo DiCaprio is said to have spent £2m on Armand de Brignac champagne at his 38th birthday party last December. Just imagine the hangover ... ❚ Representing the ladies,

Bubbly: Leo D knows how to throw a party

Beyoncé reportedly dropped £17,000 on fizz for her crew during the after-party to celebrate her recent run at the O2.

❚ Not to be outdone by his missus, Jay-Z is reported to have splashed out £250,000 on champers at a Coldplay gig in New York. The tab included a 30-litre, 4ft-high bottle weighing in at 100kg. ❚ Another Stateside star oft associated with bling, P Diddy apparently racked up an £80,000 bar bill at Whisky Mist in London, including a cocktail accompanied by a Scottish bagpipe player.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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LIFESTYLEliving

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Home

Style 95

£9.

London Transport poster A grrr-eat London Zoo print culturelabel.com

Take a peek at Bow Bow, E3

.00

£60

Words caroline garnar

Mukka cappuccino maker A cow-print coffee machine? Sold prezzybox.com

95

£5.

With a cash machine by Bow Road Tube station asking, “What language do you require: English or cockney?” you truly are in the heart of east London in Bow. Don’t expect EastEnders come-to-life, however – it’s a little less dramatic than that. Instead, an eclectic mix of students, professionals, young families and ‘born-andbreds’ live alongside each other to create a bustling thoroughfare that connects the east to the rest of the city.

Why Bow?

Ladybug timer A bug you want in your kitchen liberty.co.uk

.00

£10

Bow offers affordable housing, such as the regenerated council blocks surrounding Roman Road, intertwined with tree-lined streets of Georgian terraced houses, such as those of the prestigious Tredegar Square.

“Bow is steeped in history and enjoys a varied mix of property,” says James Brough, property consultant at Butler & Stag.

“Properties rarely stay empty and rents have seen steady growth in recent years.”

The bustling Bow Road has an industrial feel, while a 10-minute walk will bring you to Victoria Park, with the pretty canal running alongside. Roman Road is also a hive of activity, with a market on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays offering clothes, accessories, furniture and food.

Who lives there?

Birds & Bees bird house Make birds welcome in your garden next.co.uk/homeware

34

tntMagazine.com

“Bow enjoys a multi-cultural community,” Brough says. “Recently there’s been an influx of middle-class professionals seeking highquality period and modern homes close to

Park life: rock out at festivals …

Victoria Park.”

The area’s close proximity to Canary Wharf makes it ideal for those working in the financial district, plus, with Queen Mary, University of London nearby, the area is popular with students.

The connections Bow has great transport links: Bow Road Tube serves both the Hammersmith & City and District lines, while the nearby Mile End Tube has those plus the Central and Circle lines connecting to central London. Bow Church DLR also gets you to Canary Wharf, Greenwich and Stratford.

There’s a plethora of buses, with stops dotted along the stretch of Bow Road. A mere 10-minute drive to Blackwall Tunnel means

Win: the facilities of Olympic Park are conveniently close you can easily jump onto the M25 too, linking you to the rest of the southeast and beyond.

Don’t move here if...

You want bars and clubs on your doorstep.

The high street is more practical than trendy,

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MY AREA kat lee Snake charmer, 25

“I’m a big fan of all the cottages in Bow. Particularly a place on Wellington Way called The Factory.

Other than that I love the cheap rent, food and location.”

james

Travis Musician, 22

... or paddle in peace in Victoria Park with supermarkets, car dealerships and kebab shops lining the streets rather than bars and clubs. But you will find a local that suits – it’s the East End after all. Plus, a night bus goes to Shoreditch and Oxford Circus, meaning there’s no need for early nights.

Where to hang out Bow is a haven for neighbourhood pubs.

The Morgan Arms (morganarmsbow.com) is one of the best gastro pubs in east London, serving a top Sunday roast, while The Lord Tredegar (50 Lichfield Road, E3 5AL) has a pretty courtyard garden and gourmet grub.

Palm Tree (127 Grove Road, E3 5BH) is a classic corner pub where punters spill out onto the streets in the summer months, while Victoria Park Village houses cute cafés, posh restaurants and cool pubs.

Plus, Victoria Park and the nearby Olympic Park host some of NEXT WEEK the biggest and best music fests in London (Lovebox Conflicted: and Hard Rock Calling to Dealing with dodgy flatties name a couple).

BOW’S TOP FIVE BOOZERS tntmagazine.com/bow-pubs

“I like the music scene in east London. I also love the ghetto chicken shop just by my house.

Rent’s cheap too – compared to the rest of London anyway.”

michael steel Porn actor, 26

“I love Bow because of all the hot chavvy boys at the station who shout at me, ‘Bloody hell, how come you’re always wearing hot pants mate?!’.”

E3 INFO Borough

Tower Hamlets Council Tax

Band C: £1056.46 Travel time to London

Photos: supplied

20 mins 3-bedroom £2383pcm

6-bedroom £4000pcm

2-bedroom £1278pcm

This Victorian pub conversion is close to Victoria Park, plus it has a communal outdoor area. With gorgeous original features, it’s clean and bright with high ceilings.

This stunning house, complete with garden and summer house, is the ideal shared pad for you and your mates. Can anyone say ‘house party’? Epic.

This modern plot is conveniently positioned between Bow, Victoria Park and Stratford. Ideal for professionals, plus a communal roof terrace offers views across the city.

butlerandstag.com

bridge.co.uk

butlerandstag.com

Tube

Bow Road Average rental 1 bed

£1235pcm Average rental 2 bed

£1516pcm Average rental 3 bed

£1820pcm

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35

WORLDVIEW

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Pull the udder one: cows

BOVINES’ BIG MOO-VE TO URBAN DWELLING NEW ZEALAND

Residents of a suburb in urban Wellington opened their curtains one morning last week to find cows grazing outside their windows.

Seven bovines had hoofed it to Grenada North, visiting houses along the street for three hours before being herded up and returned home.

Tobago Cres resident Irie Gray said: “I was scared, because they were really big and everyone says cows don’t hurt you but I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, my front lawn is filled with cows’.”

Gray and her neighbours photographed the cows – obviously a priority – before animal control officers arrived.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @brucepoontip If Adelaide is looking for a new claim to fame, they might want to consider ‘mullet capital’. I’ve seen some amazing displays today. @BibiLynch One Direction launch One Moment scent! Ah, the heady smell of Lynx and (premature) ejaculate

BLAND TO TWIN WITH DULL AND BORING AUSTRALIA

It sounds like a self-help meet group for those will self-esteem issues, but Bland is looking to establish links with Dull and Boring.

Bland Shire Council in Australia is seeking ties with the village of Dull in Scotland and Boring in Oregon, after the UK and US settlements twinned last year.

Politicians in Oregon have attempted to establish an official “Boring and Dull Day” to celebrate of all things banal. Now Bland 36

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Dyeing to run: Some of the 11,000 competitors celebrate completing the Colour Run last week on the Gold Coast, while being showered with pink, orange and yellow powder

in New South Wales, named after William Bland, founder of the Australian Medical Association, wants to get involved.

“Over the years we’ve had our share of fun poked at us,” Bland councillor Tony Lord said. “Wherever there’s a deemed negative, there’s always an opportunity.”

LEGO OF THOSE ANGRY FACES… NEW ZEALAND

Today’s Lego men and women are more likely to have an angry or fearful expression, according to a Kiwi expert.

Christoph Bartneck, director of the Human Interface Technology Laboratory at the University of Canterbury, wants the Danish-founded firm to instead paint the tiny figures with smiles. The robot

specialist painstakingly reviewed the facial expressions on 6000 figures to see what today’s children are being faced with. And he also found Lego is – shock! – moving towards “more conflictbased play themes”.

“Children’s toys and how they are perceived can have a significant impact on children,” Dr Bartneck said. “We cannot help but wonder how the move from only positive faces to an increasing number of negative faces impacts on how children play.”

Our thoughts exactly.

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Awesome: party in Richie’s head

THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 50

Cost, in pounds, Manchester Airport is to start charging passengers to help them find the right boarding gate

Age, in years, of UK pilot who glided a light aircraft to safety into a residential garden by opening its parachute

HELLO! BEST GIANT INFLATABLE EVER

5

UNITED KINGDOM

Why has no one ever thought of this before? A giant inflatable sculpture of Lionel Richie’s head you can climb inside. In the centre lies a telephone... ...and when you answer it, you’ll hear a voice saying: “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” Genius.

This could be a real thing at Bestival if a Kickstarter campaign to fund £4900 for the ‘public art project’ is successful.

Art Group Hungry Starter’s goal was to make an installation that people could interact and talk with, and space has already been set aside at the Isle of Wight’s four-day fest.

Bestival-goers will be able to sleep and party inside the head, too. It might just be the most fun thing you’ve ever done.

CAFÉ LETS PEOPLE PAY WITH A PASH

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

AUSTRALIA

A French cafe in Sydney is causing a stir – by allowing customers to pay for their morning drink with a kiss.

From 9am-11am every morning in June, the Metro St James café will serve up free coffee for lovers. But put your loose change away and bring in a mate/partner/ someone you met last night and pucker up in front of the barista.

That’s seriously all that the friendly (and perhaps a little voyeuristic) staff at Metro St James are asking for.

Time, in weeks, loyal terrier Mitzi remained at his dead owner’s side in the WA bush before being found alive

Amount, in pounds, London beggar Simon Wright earned in a year, while living in a £300k council flat in Fulham

Pucker up: free coffee Their promotional video shows a waiter telling a loved-up couple the ground rules.

“Do you know instead of paying, you can kiss for a free coffee? We’ll watch you. It has to be a real kiss ... a true kiss.

I can see if it is a fake kiss. I am kind of a specialist,” he says. “We don’t want your money. Just your kisses!” Creepy.

HAIR-BRAINED IDEA LANDS DINER IN JAIL UNITED KINGDOM

A man in Middlesbrough has been jailed for sprinkling pubic hair on a curry at an Indian restaurant in order to get out of stumping up for the bill.

Lee Tyers was a regular at Jamal’s but owed the business £110 in unpaid bills.

CCTV footage showed that Tyers pulled hair from inside his trousers and put it on his lamb bhuna meal, then complained.

Tyers has been jailed for two weeks and ordered to pay £39.55 for his unpaid bill.

76

50,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK I think I want another.

But I can’t just click my heels together and make it happen Dannii Minogue grasps that having another baby is going to be difficult without a man

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07/05/2013 16:29 07/06/2013 11:05:59

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: CAROL DRIVER

‘Top of his game’: Michael Christian

carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

Award for nurse prank call DJ is in incredibly bad taste

Photo: Twitter

It’s too soon for Christian to be boasting he’s ‘top of his game’

Nope, this isn’t another stupid joke: DJ Michael Christian has been handed the national radio award for being the Next Top Jock. Just to jog your memory, Aussies Christian and his then 2Day FM radio co-host Mel Greig were behind the prank call to London’s Edward VII hospital back in December. Putting on English accents, the ‘comedy’ duo pretended to be the Queen and Prince Charles enquiring about Kate Middleton, who was suffering acute morning sickness.

The following day, nurse Jacintha Saldanha, who fell for the prank, putting the call through to the Duchess’s ward, killed herself. The 42-year-old was found hanged along with three handwritten suicide notes – the contents of them only released in April. One read: “Please accept my apologies. I am truly sorry. Thank you for all your support. I hold the Radio Australians Mel Greig and Michael Christian responsible for this act. Please make them pay my mortgage. I am sorry. Jacintha.”

Fast-forward, and Christian is being flown to LA as part of his prize from new employer Southern Cross Austereo for being the best DJ in the company’s network. The DJ said: “That regardless of all that’s happened in the past few months I’m still at the top of my game. So it felt good to see my name at the top of the final leaderboard.”

The inquest into the death of the mother-of-two hasn’t even yet taken place, due to be held in September. And while Greig has offered to appear to answer the family’s questions, Christian has seemingly put the tragic events behind him too soon.

While no one can blame Christian and Greig for Saldanha’s suicide – she must have been unstable at the time – they did play a part. Yes, they should both be allowed to move on with their lives and their careers, but after a respectful period of time. The timing of this award is grotesque and in incredibly bad taste – something of which Christian’s bosses, if not the DJ himself, should have been aware. » Agree or disagree? Did Christian deserve the award? letters@tntmagazine.com

OURVIEW

VISA COMPLAINT? TAKE TO TWITTER Visa application being held up? Take a leaf out of former Downing Street spin doctor Alastair Campbell’s book.

Sod waiting around for months on end to hear whether or not it’s been approved – jump on to Twitter and start making a noise.

Campbell tweeted the Australian High Commission last week: “Misuse of Twitter part 643. Can anyone in Australia High Commission check out why not heard back re electronic visa application?”

Just hours later, his situation was sorted, with @SandiHLogan (from Department for Immigration & Citizenship) tweeting

“

It’s not what you know but who you are

”

Campbell a personal update – and how, happily, it had all been resolved.

So it seems it’s not what you know, but who you are – and how public you make your complaint. As TNT continues its UKBA campaign (tntmagazine.com/ukba), I’d advise those still waiting on their visas to make as much noise as possible.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTNEWS

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You could be forgiven for thinking the Australian Socceroos had done the job of making the World Cup from the heroes’ welcome they were given in Melbourne last week, arriving after their unlucky 1-1 draw with Japan. Far from it, though. After disappointing early results, they must get maximum points against Jordan on Tuesday and Iraq the following week at the MCG to go to Brazil next year

away game if their fans don’t step up.”

Tickets start at £20 and available through icc-cricket.com/champions-trophy

EXILES AND ENGLAND PROMISE TIGHT AFFAIR RUGBY LEAGUE Siege: Aussie skipper Michael Clarke

SRI LANKA TO DROWN OUT AUSSIES AT OVAL CRICKET

Australian fans will be vastly out-voiced next Monday when they play Sri Lanka at the Kia Oval, London, in their final ICC Champions Trophy group A match.

Official figures say a paltry 12 per cent of tickets sold so far for the June 17 game have been to Aussie supporters, while 48 per cent will be cheering for Sri Lanka – 28 per cent of fans say they support England, but it will be fair to assume they won’t be ‘neutral’ leading into the Ashes in July.

A spokesman for the Oval said: “The Australians will definitely feel like this is an 40

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The England v Exiles international origin match may not have the profile of the fired-up NSW-Queensland equivalent across the pond, but it’s building into a fierce and close rivalry.

Very little separates the England side who will be outsiders in this year’s World Cup and those (mostly) from Down Under with plenty to prove to those back home when they meet on Friday. Exiles lead the head-to-head for the past four years 3-1, but only scored eight more points in the past three years. In 2012, two matches were crammed into the schedule and the honours were shared 1-1.

If you can’t make it to Halliwell Jones Stadium in Warrington, home of the Super League’s Wolves, catch the game live on Friday at 8pm on Sky Sports 2.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Adam Scott broke the Australian hoodoo at the US Masters this year with his nail-biting play-off hole win over Angel Cabrera and will be looking for a repeat performance this week at the US Open.

Scott finished second at the Open last year and will be keen to go one better at the Merion Golf Club in Ardmore, Pennsylvania from Thursday.

It’s a massive turnaround for Scott, who was starting to get a name for himself as a major tournament choker, a title that will likely never leave his mentor Greg Norman.

With his long putter soon to be banned, he might want to make the most of it while he can before his best friend on the greens shrinks.

sri lanka v australia mon 17 June 2013, the oval

*contact your chosen venue for details

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Men’s Wimbledon Final Day

PING PONG fancy dress

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Complimentary drink before 2pm

BIG SCREENING of the Wimbledon final at 2pm

No Wimbledon tickets? No problem!

TNT will be screening the men’s final and running its very own tournament for the prestigious ‘TNT Ping Pong Champion’

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I’m pretty pleased. We’ll take that to start with.

But it doesn’t stop there Modest Lions fullback Leigh Halfpenny after kicking 24 of a possible 24 points in his side’s tour match at the Western Force

In football, in my career I’ve had two great passions, Inter and Chelsea, and Chelsea is more than important

Black out: Brendan McCullum’s Black Caps charges will be extra fired-up for the Aussie

PREVIEW TRANS-TASMAN RIVALS FOR TROPHY NEW ZEALAND V AUSTRALIA

WED, 10.30AM, SKY SPORTS 1 Even if New Zealand had been flogged

by England in their three-match series leading into this ICC Champions Trophy, they would be guaranteed to lift for this game. Instead, Brendan McCullum’s Black Caps have a head of steam up and are a team to watch.

Explosive batting and frugal bowling saw them dominate the first two games of that series and give the Kiwis great confidence leading into taking on this

tough group, including also England and the ever unpredictable Sri Lankans, who they played on Sunday in Cardiff. Australia played England on Saturday.

Results of those games will matter little at Edgbaston, Birmingham, though – it’s New Zealand v Australia. Sentiments aside, Michael Clarke’s men must fire and bounce back after the mental hit of being rolled for 63 runs by India in last week’s warm-up.

Despite recent results though, the Aussies’ form in this tournament – they’ve won the last three – make the Kiwis the underdogs. But that’s just how they like it.

Three years at Real Madrid meant sweet FA to Jose Mourinho now he’s back with his beloved blues in west London’s posh bit

It appears they don’t know their best team, it seems they don’t know the right mix Spin king Shane Warne doesn’t think much of the Australian selectors coming into the Champions League and Ashes

TV HIGHLIGHTS RUGBY UNION Lions v NSW-Qld Country

THE CHAT | Lions complain of lame tour games

Live tour match from Newcastle, NSW Tue, 10.30am, Sky Sports 2

Photos: Getty

New Zealand v France After facing a depleted Western Force line-up Q last week, the British and Irish Lions whinged about the quality of their tour match opponents – is this a fair complaint given their status?

Warren Gatland’s Lions have arrived in Oz at the height A of the Super Rugby season, which means more for the domestic teams than a warm-up match against not even the best Lions line-up. Sadly, it couldn’t work out for the Aussie teams to play in their bye weeks. Force had one the weekend before they were beaten 69-17 on Wednesday, before a game on Saturday – so of course the tourists weren’t going to face their best line-up. Would Sarries or Quins put up a full team against the Wallabies three days from a Heineken Cup match? Not a chance.

World Cup final replay in All Black zone Sat, 8.35am, Sky Sports 2

CRICKET South Africa v West Indies ICC Champions Trophy from Cardiff Fri, 8.30am, Sky Sports 1

HORSE RACING Royal Ascot Too good: Leigh Halfpenny against a lacklustre Force

Four days at racing’s most glam track Tue-Sat, Channel 4 (Check guide for times)

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43

zy

Animal instinct Meet Nick Cummins, the Wallaby who chased kangaroos and takes inspiration from honey badgers ahead of the Lions Tests WORDS MICAHEL GADD

Who would you back – a weasel-like honey badger, weighing no more than 16kg, or the King of the Jungle? Wrong answer. “It’s been documented that a honey badger has killed a male lion, one-on-one, by ripping the canastas off the big fella,” says animal enthusiast and wildly talented Australian Wallabies flyer Nick Cummins, who since bursting onto the international scene last year has become known affectionately, and accurately if you’re willing to buy into the metaphor, the ‘Honey Badger’.

By canastas, Cummins means balls, nuts or testicles, if David Attenborough is more your speed, and it’s an ominous warning to the England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales super squad playing under the Lions banner and taking on the Wallabies in the first of three Tests on June 22.

The ‘Honey Badger’ moniker was coined by Cummins after seeing the mustelid in action on the Discovery Channel.

Before speaking to the rampaging 25-year-old Western Force winger at the Wallabies’ camp in Sydney, TNT took to YouTube to see whether the fuss is justified. It is. We see honey badgers taking on king cobras, diving head-first into bee hives and facing off with four lion cubs, and surviving.

Two adult lionesses stay away from the action – “they know it’ll fight back and isn’t worth the injuries they’ll cop.”

“The last house I was in I spent a bit of time watching the Discovery Channel – I’m into that sort of gear – and a couple of docos came up about this honey badger,” Cummins recalls, with his true blue Aussie twang. “I was astonished at how amazing it is. I went to training and had to tell the boys about it. They didn’t believe me at first but soon they were into it, watching videos on their phones.”

From that, Cummins, renowned for his intensity, physicality and disregard for his own well-being on the field, found a new source of inspiration: “I thought it’s not a bad way to see life. [The honey badger] goes 40km a day, and when cornered he will launch in. He’s fearless. Mate, he’s just 44

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

a tough little rooster. That’s something to aspire to.” Since Cummins’ debut for Australia in Argentina last year and his role in the 18-all draw with the All Blacks that halted their record winning streak at 16 games, he’s become a cult figure.

A straight-talking character off the field who reckons “people don’t want to listen to a robot”, he’s been a hit on it as well, playing four matches in the Autumn Tests. He was Australia’s only try-scorer in tight-fought wins against England and Italy and if he can recover fully from a knee complaint, he’ll be a

“

Honey badgers are tough little roosters

”

good shot at facing the Lions in a fortnight. He says just as a Lions jersey is the pinnacle of rugby for Great Britain players, pulling on gold against them is the height for him.

“I’ve asked a few of the boys and they’ve said the World Cup doesn’t have the same hype as the Lions series,” he says.

“It’s massive, once in a lifetime. I’d be 37 or something for the next one and would need four facelifts and a bum tuck to be a shot. I’m excited at the chance.”

It’s been an impressive arrival for Cummins, whose career in Aussie senior team colours started in Sevens. He was the top try-scorer for Oz in the 2007 IRB World Series and won silver at the 2010 Commonwealth Games. Now he’s at the top.

“Coming from Beaudesert, you know where you came from,” he says of his Queensland country town upbringing which gives him no choice but to stay grounded.

“I enjoyed growing up out there doing what city kids can’t. You go out in the bush and see a kangaroo and find yourself running with it for a while until it decides

Aerial: this Honey Badger can fly too

Rampaging: Cummins running hard for the Western Force

Burst: in the tough 18-18 All Blacks draw

Photos: Getty

to put the after burners on and you never see them again.”

The same won’t happen when Cummins takes on the man mountain outside backs the Lions have planned for him, but he’s taking it all in his stride. “I wasn’t expecting what’s happened so quickly,” he says. “Even the Honey Badger thing’s gone off, which has surprised me but, mate, it’s good for a laugh. I’m just going with the flow, not trying to gee anything up. I’m just living in the now, creating memories so that when I’m an old codger on the verandah I can tell my grandkids, ‘Back in my day...’.”

One thing a honey badger (or a kangaroo, or the chooks it was his job as a kid to look after) didn’t teach him was this sense of perspective – that can go to his family, whose 2012 was impressive not just for his exploits. His father Mark was named Queensland Father of the Year (he has eight children, two with cystic fibrosis, and has been single for five years), and his auntie Margie, Mark’s sister, won The Biggest Loser.

“I had a couple relies say it was the year of the Cummins,” he says. “I had a bit of a chuckle at that, but dad deserved it.

He does a lot of good work. He’s had some battles and tough times to face but he’s a tough rooster and he faces ‘em.

“Margie, she lost 80 bloody kilos – that’s a human!” he marvels. “I think the thing that runs in their veins is they’re headstrong and disciplined when they need to be.”

For a bloke who knows how to channel inspiration when he sees it – see badgers – Nick takes plenty from them.

“I see them see the obstacle in front,” he says. “It may look hopeless, but it shows that, like the honey badger, if you’re facing up to a lion, the odds may not be in your favour, but if you have a good crack, and back yourself, things happen.

Margie has determination. Dad, every day, he has that will power. For me, I’ve just gotta play a game of rugby.”

ONE-LINE WONDER: BEST OF THE BADGER tntmagazine.com/honey-badger

Revenge: Sam Warburton’s Wales side lost 14-12 to the Wallabies last year

going for a grand slam wallabies add wales test Even before their first Test against the British and Irish Lions, the Australian Wallabies have their eye on an autumn Grand Slam in Europe.

The Wallabies camp has announced an extra game against Wales has been added to the tour, meaning they’ll play all sides which make up the Lions touring party and try to emulate the Andrew Slack-led side which beat England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales in 1984.

Six Nations champions Wales will host the Aussies in Cardiff on November 30 in what will be the last game of a tour kicking off at Twickenham on November 2 followed by Tests against Italy, Ireland and Scotland.

“The Grand Slam is a big thing and something the players will look forward to and be excited about,” Wallabies skipper James Horwill said. “It will be a great way to finish what is going to be one of the biggest years in the history of the game in Australia.”

tntMagazine.com

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Cultural: you can’t make a beer snake with cans ‘Lord’ Gower

Gower out of line and out of touch with Aussie sledging For starters, beer is served in plastic cups at grounds these days

» Agree or disagree? Is Australia cultureless and cricket fans feral? letters@tntmagazine.com 46

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

The primal satisfaction that comes with a guy from one team who seemingly deserves it getting jobbed on the chops is a real and understandable thing, but it doesn’t make it right, or tough.

NSW captain Paul Gallen’s punching practice on Queensland Nate Myles’s gob sadly became the main talking point in a first State of Origin match that was epic, exciting and breathed life into the series with a Blues win given the star-studded Maroons have won the past seven series.

But while the shots connected with the proficiency of a pro boxer, and he’ll miss a game for Cronulla, he should have gone to

“

Gallen should have gone to the sin bin

”

the sin bin. If Myles’ indiscretions inspiring the flurry were worthy of it, he should have gone too. It’s a bizarrely accepted reality that rules are more lenient in Origin, especially when it comes to a bit of biff.

The crowd loves it apparently. But it’s still the same game, with the same rules. The last thing league needs is more confusion.

Photo: Getty

Posh English cricket legend David Gower called Aussies “feral” and with “animal instincts” in early Ashes salvos last week. But just showed himself as out of touch.

Gower played 117 Tests for England and won an Ashes as skipper, so his voice is worth respecting. But he stepped away from his area of expertise in his Radio Times interview.

Asked whether England’s rivalry with Australia is a clash of cultures, he said: “I’m tempted to say, how can you have a clash of cultures when you’re playing against a country with no culture? That would almost be sledging.” Now, ‘Lord’ Gower (nickname, not official title), by saying that, it is sledging. And you’re out of order. When did you last step out of the commentary box and into the crowd. The Lord’s Pavilion doesn’t count.

Australian cricket stands are stacked with culture. Multi-culture! What about the Mexican in the form of waves and sombreros, tribal face paintings (green and gold of course) that’s traditional in countless cultures and so on…

He continued: “If you’re on the boundary you have to be very, very thick-skinned, because the Aussie crowd will try you with absolutely anything.” Wrong, the Aussie crowd will not try you with beer. That would be a waste and match referee David Boon would make you pick up rubbish for the duration of the tea break.

“The trouble is, if they’ve had 10 cans of lager, their ability to come up with something akin to Oscar Wilde diminishes.” On the contrary, Irishman Wilde didn’t mind a tipple, so elements of wit at that stage would be a bit like him. And beer is served in bloody plastic cups now anyway. The Barmy Army, as I’ve said here before, have had years of being pummeled to get great at singing, and on this I concede their genius. Aussie gibes are “stereotypical”, but we’re learning. A few years of floggings and we’ll be entertaining too.

“If they sense weakness, they’ll come at you.” For this one, I turn to Ricky Ponting, who told TNT last week: “If you’re not doing that, you don’t want to win. Simple as that.”

BRING BACK THE BIN FOR THE BIFF

‘the butcher for all your needs’ polskie mięso, mi so, w wę ędliny i kiełbasy kiełbasy łbasy

BUTCHERS

TNT_1554_047 47

07/06/2013 11:06:01

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

ROUND IN CIRCLES Revellers surround the ‘Nans Vells’ (‘old dwarves’ in Catalan) during the first day of La Patum Festival in Berga, Spain.

Photos: Getty; Demian Smith

INSIDE

ON THE CIDER TRAIL/52

TAKE TO THE STREET /62

CHEAP MOSCOW /66

How do ya like them apples? Take a tour of Somerset’s top cider farms and have a taste of the good stuff.

TNT encounters a weird, wonderful and spellbinding underworld of street art in Paris’s gritty Belleville district.

You can find discount drinks, freebie tours and cheapo activities galore in Russia’s capital, if you know where to look. Seriously.

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49

TRAVELDIARY

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Star-studded: America Ferrera walked the EIFF red carpet for The Illusionist

Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

PERFECT STRANGERS The buzz of complete anonymity, being the mysterious foreigner in strange climes, is a big kick for lots of travellers. It adds to that dizzying sense that you’re far from home and you could be anyone, doing anything.

Except, of course, if you live in London, when the opposite is true – the further you travel, the more everyone seems to know your business and is keen to get stuck into it. It’s not that I mind, it’s just that like anyone from this notoriously stand-offish city, I find it really unnerving.

In Chennai, India, a few years ago, I tried to buy a plastic alarm clock. I don’t know if it was the language barrier or just a difference of opinion on the properties of precious metals, but the seller seemed to be claiming it was solid gold, which was why he wouldn’t budge on the 1000 rupee price.

I left empty handed and, to my knowledge, no one else had overheard the (pretty bizarre) conversation. But over the next two days at least five people randomly approached me, saying casually “Clock?” and proffering everything from boxes of Disney watches to wooden kitchen clocks. It was weird, to say the least.

Another time in Inner Mongolia fellow passengers suddenly started yelling at me to get off the bus.

I was mystified until I realised we were passing the only place you could stay in a yurt for miles. They’d all (correctly) just assumed that’s what I was after, and decided to get involved. Even in Bridgend train station in Wales recently the guard asked how my weekend had been.

Certainly didn’t get that from the TfL staff at the other end.

in and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Scotland’s capital becomes a riot of culture during the summer months, with festival after festival showcasing jazz, comedy, art and, of course, 19-30 films. This year’s 11-day marathon of screenings will include highly anticipated US flick The Bling Ring, directed by Sofia Coppola, and The Great Hip Hop Hoax, about two Scottish rappers.

JUNE

WHY: Since 1947 this film fest has gained a reputation for discovering and promoting international talent – recent hits that had their first airing here include Killer Joe, Billy Elliot and The Hurt Locker. The festival also includes workshops and talks delivered by top film industry bods.

KYNSA OYSTER FEST South Africa

Oysters play a big part in this event, now in its 30th 28-7 year, but the festivities go far beyond the slippery creatures. The active can give cycling, running and adventure races a go as well, but for everyone else, it’s all about the oyster eating competition and wine and whisky tastings.

JUNE-JULY

oysterfestival.co.za

BAYBEATS MUSIC FEST

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edfilmfest.org.uk

ELECTRIC DAISY

US

The city of sin becomes an electro heaven for the week 18-25 with synth gods including Afro Jack, Andy C, Sub Focus and Rusko on the bill. Those with a penchant for heavy bass lines or trippy beats should be heading straight to Las Vegas for this event.

JUNE

electricdaisycarnival.com

FESTIVAL GNAOUA

Morocco

Singapore

The streets, beaches and public squares of Mogador, 20-23 or Essaouira, will be filled with the thrums and twangs of world music during the festival which has become known as Morocco’s answer to Woodstock.

JUNE

Pop, emo, rock and metal are all in the mix at this 28-30 eclectic music festival.

Budding musician? Talent scouts will be holding auditions to uncover new up-and-coming bands.

JUNE

baybeats.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: Come on film buffs, forget about all the high-brow stuff. What everyone’s really desperate to see is DisneyPixar’s latest offering, Monster’s University, which premieres at this fest on June 23. No need to be ashamed…

festival-gnaoua.net

Photo: Getty

Do you enjoy travelling anonymously? Write

EDINBURGH INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL Scotland

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non stop to oz

No stop-over: soon Istanbul to Sydney will be a single flight

Photo: Thinkstock

No more nights huddled in airport lounges and no more arriving home with a sleep deficit it’ll take you a week to recover from – Turkish Airlines has confirmed that it will be launching the first non-stop commercial flight from Istanbul to Sydney. The new route, which is expected to begin running within three years, will be the longest commercial flight in the world, covering 14,956km. What this also means is that a whole host of European cities will be much more accessible to travellers from Australia. Initially, Turkish Airlines will run the same service with a stopover in Asia before switching to a direct service.

annoying teenagers

westlife vs ryanair

Ever got on a plane and realised that you’re stuck with a classful of noisy school trippers for the whole flight? It’s enough to wind up even the most easy-going traveller. But the irate captain of a Southwest Airlines flight to New York decided enough was enough early on, and turfed 100 unruly school children back onto the runway. The Telegraph reports the kids, all aged 17 or 18, wouldn’t sit down or turn off their mobiles, even after repeated requests from cabin crew. The captain got so incensed he had them all removed, delaying the plane for 45 minutes as the kids and their chaperones disembarked.

Former Westlife singer Brian McFadden has taken on Ryanair in a feud over the company’s notorious extra charges. The boyband member ranted on Twitter that the low-cost airline tried to charge him £70 for printing his boarding pass at Liverpool airport, posting: “MICHAEL O LEARY (sic) you’re a scumbag who exploits.”

Ryanair’s head of communications, Robin Kiely, responded saying: “We’re surprised that Mr McFadden, having agreed to print his boarding card, couldn’t manage this supercomplex task, which is accomplished daily by over 80m passengers annually.” Zowee!

shark tourism You might think that enormous, man-hungry, bone-crunching ocean creatures might be something to avoid, but apparently the opposite is true. Shark watching tourism could double in the next two decades, according to a study published in the journal Oryx – The International Journal of Conservation.

Currently the pastime generates around £206m a year, but increasing popularity of the daredevil experience means it’s projected to reach £512m in 20 years. Popular places to see the toothy beasts include South Africa, Australia, Palau, the Maldives and Honduras.

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House rules: Perry’s Cider Mills

Cider Farms

United Kingdom

Somerset

GETTING THERE Take the train from London Paddington to Taunton for £43.50 return with First Great Western. firstgreatwestern.co.uk

london somerset Taunton

Barrels of laughs: where the cider’s kept

She’s apples: a toast to the fruity treasure

Pressing time: apples set to be shredded and crushed

Got bottle: the good stuff in its final stage

52

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UKTRIP

On the cider trail How do ya like them apples? Take a tour of Somerset’s top cider farms and have a taste WORDS HELEN ELFER

Nothing, and we mean nothing, suits a sunny weekend better than a few cool pints of sparkling, amber cider. And you can go right to the source of the good stuff in Somerset.

Now’s the perfect time to go too, as June is when the apple trees are in full blossom. You can spend a couple of days visiting historic cider farms, meeting the producers, wandering through the pretty orchards and, naturally, getting a teeny bit sozzled. Here’s some top places to start.

Perry’s Cider Mills This 16th-century thatched barn is a little off the beaten track, but when you get there you’ll be rewarded with the chance to try Perry’s award-winning draught and bottled ciders. They’ve been in business since 1920, using the apples grown in their own orchards and local farms, to make only small batch craft ciders.

After sampling a Somerset Dabinett, or a Premium Vintage, have a wander around the cider mills (there’s no charge) to check out the old farm wagons, machinery and tools – the presses here have produced over 14,000,000 pints in their time.

You can then while away a few hours drinking at the Tea Room or stock up on a few cases of grog to take away from the farm shop. Make the most of the fact the kind folk here let you sample whatever you like before you buy.

OPEN: All year round except Christmas. Weekdays, 9am5.30pm; Saturday/ bank holidays, 9.30am-4.30pm; Sunday, 10am-1pm.

MORE: perryscider.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock, Nell Barrington, Orchard Pig

Bridge Farm Cider Like a taste of the fancy stuff? Head to Bridge Farm, another award-winning producer, which has been making artisan cider for more than 25 years using only home-grown apples.

Bridge Farm’s tipples gained further prestige last year when they presented their limited edition Dorgis cider to the Queen herself. She looked very pleased, as it was named after her dogs – and any cider OK by Her Maj is A-OK by us.

When you visit, make sure to buy a glass or two of the traditional still farmhouse cider, which is kept in oak barrels in the farm shop. If you feel like something stiffer, try the five-year-old Cider Brandy.

OPEN: Seven days a week Monday-Saturday, 9am-6pm; by appointment on Sundays.

MORE: bridgefarmcider.co.uk Hecks Traditional Farmhouse Cider A seriously old-school farm, the Hecks family has been making cider here for six generations since 1840 and selling it since 1896. They still use traditional methods, blending juice from apples all grown locally in the farm’s orchards.

The Loyal Drain, from the Shepton Mallet area, is an interesting one to sample – bittersweet with lots of tannin and a strong smoky aftertaste. Or try the sharp, dry Tremlett’s Bitter Cider, a Devon variety with a butterscotch aftertaste.

Is your mouth watering? Buy some to take home from the farm shop along with a selection of local cheddar cheeses, chutneys and some traditional cider mugs.

OPEN: Weekdays and Saturday, 9am-5.30pm; Sunday, 10am12.30pm. Group tours need to call ahead.

MORE: hecksfarmhousecider.co.uk Orchard Pig The story beind this company says it all. Founders and mates Andrew Quinlan and Neil Macdonald were washing down a hog roast with some homemade cider when they were inspired to launch Orchard Pig in 2004.

Their ciders are slowly matured and include Reveller (you can buy this one in a 50L keg … oh the temptation), Charmer (which is smooth and intensely fruity), and the dry and crisp Truffler. Need another incentive to go there? They call themselves the ‘Notorious P.I.G’. That’ll be hilarious when you’re mid-way through that keg...

OPEN: You can pop into the shop for an apple juice or some cider, Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm.

MORE: orchardpig.co.uk

NEXT WEEK

Search for Somerset County Council’s “Somerset Cider and Apple Juice Map” on Facebook

Wales: We go rock climbing in Bridgend

MORE BEST OF BRITISH BOOZE TOURS tntmagazine.com/brit-booze-fests

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A two-night stay in Bergen is £212pp with easyJet Holidays

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Morocco A 14-day tour costs £439pp (save £300) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 020 8099 8852). Includes four-star accommodation, Bedouin tents at desert camp, some meals, visits to Marrakech, Fes, Casablanca, Zagora, Agadir and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by June 21.

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egypt A nine-day tour is £229pp (save £160) with Travel Talk (020 8099 8852; traveltalktours.com).

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Paris A two-night stay is £156pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Murat hotel.

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PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

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RUNNER-UP

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GRANADA GRANDSTAND Janika Berridge, New Jersey, United States

ANDALUCÍAN FORTRESS Shelley Cooper, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS One chair wasn’t enough for this woman in Granada, Nicaragua, framed by Janika on a visit following a three-month study trip in Costa Rica. “My friends and I were just walking around the neighborhood when I saw this woman sitting against this bright blue wall,” she tells us. “From afar, I knew it was an image I had to capture for the contrast between the wall, her shirt, and her beautiful white hair. I really enjoy taking photos of individuals that catch my attention in the streets.”

WHY IT WORKS Edinburgh-based Shelley is well accustomed to seeing stunning and grand old structures, but this view of the Alhambra in Andalucía, Spain, still captured her imagination. “I was in Andalucía last month and after winding my way up through the old Albayzin area in Granada, I came out at a square that looked across to the Alhambra,” she says. The timing was just right, she adds. “I got it just as the sun came streaming through the clouds above the Sierra Nevadas.”

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Kristina Pennell, from Brisbane, Australia TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TOP FIVE

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bizarre museums

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bad art, US

Forget the growling dinosaur joys of the Natural History Museum or the poignant collections of the National Portrait gallery. Some people prefer to get their kicks examining examples of 18th-century cross-stitching, while others enjoy an afternoon mooch around glass cabinets filled with handwritten train timetables. When it comes to museums, it really is each to their own, and for every niche interest you can almost guarantee there’s a bizarre collection somewhere dedicated to its honour.

One of the most random has to be the tremendously popular Museum of Bad Art in Somerville, Massachusetts.

Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder here, as the museum’s exhibitions include only the most eyewateringly fugly, painfully misjudged or just plain strange samples of artistic endeavour.

Among the highlights, or lowlights depending on your perspective, are some real howlers. There’s a barber’s chair beneath floating scissors, which seeks to capture the fear of a bad 58 00

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haircut. There’s also a very angry elderly lady (or gent, it’s tough to tell) skipping through a field of daisies.

The museum certainly lives up to its slogan: “Art too bad to be ignored.”

It was established in 1994 by antiques dealer Scott Wilson, who kept finding hideous pieces in rubbish tips and started putting them up in his own home for his friends’ entertainment.

There are about 600 pieces in the museum’s stores, although only 50-70 are displayed at a time due to space limitations. And they won’t take any old piece of junk either – potential additions are regularly turned down for not being ugly enough.

Become transfixed for a couple of hours and even try your hand at some art criticism – you won’t be short of inspiration and the museum offers a monthly prize for the best interpretation of a piece. Admission is worth every penny – it’s free. museumofbadart.org

READERS’ CHOICE: BEST MUSEUMS tntmagazine.com/best-museums

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Instant ramen, Japan

Ah, that most riveting of subjects: freeze-dried noodles. We could talk about it all day, couldn’t you?

In Japan’s Instant Ramen Museum, you can learn about the history of the delicacy and their invention in 1958.

The museum’s top attractions include a noodle cup theatre shaped like a Styrofoam holder, and the chance to make your very own chicken noodles to take home for tea. Can you contain your excitement? instantramen-museum.jp

Photos: Getty; WikiCommons

4

Currywurst, Germany

Go crazy for the Berlin speciality at the Currywurst Museum where you will find out everything you ever wanted to know about the spicy sausage but were afraid to ask. You can also sit on a sausage sofa, oversized ketchup drops and gigantic fries, or sample the sausage in a number of varieties.

If you’re feeling really wild, why not also pretend you’re the owner of a snack bar yourself, and pose for photos behind the counter? What a hoot, eh? Admission £9.50. currywurstmuseum.de

3

Witchcraft museum, uk

A seaside stay

Never mind the beaches, there’s nothing like spending a sunny afternoon in Cornwall perusing instruments of torture once used to interrogate suspected sorcerers.

The first incarnation of the museum opened in 1951, coinciding with the repeal of the Witchcraft Act. Wildly unpopular with local residents in the Isle of Man, it was forced to relocate before settling in its current location of Boscastle. Admission is £5. museumofwitchcraft.com

5

Dog Collar Museum, UK

Forgive the pun, but you’d have to be barking mad not to visit the Dog Collar Museum in Kent.

Housed in Leeds Castle, you can see 500 years’ worth of stylish doggy neck wear. There are over 100 collars here to see, some of which once belonged to great hunting hounds of the past and other more modern examples of 21stcentury canine couture.

Admission to Leeds Castle is £21 for unlimited admission for a year (one-off tickets not available).

ThE ATLANTic hotel overview Porthcawl might be a sleepily serene corner of Wales, near Bridgend, but there’s always plenty of action going on at the waterfront’s The Atlantic Hotel.

The sea-facing patio is perfect for whiling away a weekend over a few pints if you’re lucky enough to be here when it’s sunny. If, as is more likely, the weather’s a little rougher, take a seat at the bar or restaurant inside instead – both are spacious and relaxed. Service is friendly and easygoing, with staff only too happy to have a chat.

Wow factor The full Welsh breakfast served in the morning is a colossal, arteryclogging delight. Portions are so big you’ll probably have to go back to your room for a nap once you’ve finished it.

Rooms Basic but comfortable, with enormous, soft beds.

Bill please Standard singles from £75pn, including breakfast. Quote reference TNT/ATL#1 for the Booze & Snooze by the Sea offer: two people, one night, a bottle of wine and a three-course dinner for £125.

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THE INSIDER

Inca-redible: Machu Picchu

PHOEBE SMITH Author Extreme Sleeps: Adventures Of A Wild Camper

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Q Hi there, I’m off to South America for two weeks, and I’m hoping to visit Lima, Machu Picchu, La Paz, and Uyuni salt flats in Bolivia before flying back from Santiago, Chile. How realistic is it for me to see all of these places, and what’s the best way to get to Santiago from Uyuni?

Pedro, via email

READERS’ TIPS ON MOSCOW GET CHEESEY Georgian food is everywhere in Moscow, it’s amazing. Try khachapuri, their take on the cheese toastie, Georgian bread stuffed with melted sulguni cheese. Yum! Rani Salt, via email BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS Touristy Arbat Street is notorious for pickpockets, so watch your cash and don’t take out your valuables.

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A I’ll tackle your question in two parts here.

First, how much ground to cover? You could spend two weeks just exploring Peru and will need time to acclimatise to the altitude, too. I’d advise visiting only two of these three countries, as trying to travel the distance between Lima and Santiago (more than 2000 miles) with enough time to see anything in between just isn’t feasible in a fortnight. If you are keen to

visit Machu Picchu, centre your route around this, or maybe Santiago is the must-see for you.

If you opt for a Peru and Bolivia combination you will be able to get to Salar de Uyuni, Lake Titicaca, Machu Picchu and the Amazon rainforest. Alternatively, focusing on Bolivia and Chile will allow you to take in La Paz, Salar de Uyuni, the Atacama Desert and Santiago.

As for travel between Bolivia and Chile, my advice would be to opt for an organised tour, as you’ll be transported directly to major sites without the waiting times involved when you take public transport, especially as you’re packing a lot in. G Adventures and On The Go have great 15-day itineraries covering the routes I have suggested. If you want to travel independently, look at internal flights to save time. Uyuni has an airport which offers flights to La Paz.

Fave solo wild camping spot?

Sandwood Bay in far north Scotland – a beach that looks like it’s been lifted from the Caribbean and dropped at the tip of the UK, and the only way in is on foot. Having that place to myself was really very special.

Most memorable experience?

The first one I did on my own in Wales. I thought it would be really scary but having the Snowdonian mountains for company turned out to be all I needed.

Top tips for first timers?

Arrive late and leave early, take all rubbish with you and wait for good weather – you should enjoy not endure the experience!

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Blown away: colourful street art by C215 on a Paris wall [Caption]

Paris FRance

paris

france

GETTING THERE Take the Eurostar from London St Pancras International to Paris Gare Du Nord return from ÂŁ69pp (fastest journey time is two hours and 15 minutes).

Tickets are available from eurostar.com

Speechless: the Street Art Walking Tour reaches the council-backed Le M.U.R

Clockwise: the view from Parc de Belleville; guide Demian Smith; Maggieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s French link 62

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Taking to the streets TNT encounters a weird, wonderful and spellbinding underworld of street art in Paris’s gritty Belleville district Words Helen Elfer

Demian sniffs the air, which has just started to fill with a heady waft of chemicals. “There’s a sprayer in our midst,” he says. “I can smell it.” I’m in Belleville, Paris, in the middle of what feels like a living, breathing jungle of street art.

The spray painter might be out of sight, but the works of many a fellow artist are in plain view. On one wall alone, there’s a huge bald head, men perched in its eye sockets puppeteering long eyeball stalks. Beneath sits a howling gorilla, squatted next to a chap in an orange hammock, peacefully holding a pinwheel. And covering all of these pieces lies an endless, broken net of graffiti tags. This is the street after all, not a gallery.

Demian Smith, one-time graffiti artist, and someone who’s genuinely besotted with street art, is guiding our tour group through Paris’s main hub of it. It’s a district with a richly rebellious history – one of the last and bloodiest battles of the Paris Commune in 1871 took place in what is now Parc de Belleville. Until the Eighties, Belleville was filled with slum housing, but it’s now known for ramshackle artists’ studios, cafes and bars.

This gritty neighbourhood is nothing if not a levelling environment. Amateur graffiti – meaning basic tags and scrawls – sits alongside the work of world-class street artists, created with anything from brushes and cans to stencils, posters and installations. The whole lot comes together in a wild mishmash of colours, styles and textures, leaving me completely floored at the creativity and exuberance that bounces off the walls. Or, as Demian puts it when we pass a once-white van covered in chaotic layers of tags, “Whenever I see something like that, it makes me feel alive.”

Before long I’m starting to feel the same buzz, getting a thrill every time I spot a witty stencil or a cheeky tag placed somewhere so high it could only have been done by the lankiest of kids hanging by the toes. These positions are called ‘heaven spots’ – as that’s where you’re heading if you fall – but for many, the danger just adds to the rush. Demian explains, “The level of bravado is at the core of street art culture.” He later adds: “Interacting with space is the whole reason for graffiti. When you’re doing it, you feel connected to the city in a different way.”

Street art is illegal all across Paris, but how strictly this is enforced depends on individual local authorities. Much of Belleville lies in the 20th arrondissement (district), where La

Mairie (the council) values uncommissioned street art highly – so much so that while a lot of it is cleared every few weeks, particularly attractive or artistic pieces are often left up.

Then there’s the Le M.U.R. project. High profile multinational companies used to utilise this Belleville billboard to flog their wares, only to have their ads routinely hijacked by graffiti artists. When they complained, the mayor made an admirably open-minded move by buying the space to help promote urban art. Now every fortnight a new dauber is

“

A howling gorilla squats on the wall

”

asked to fill it – an invitation considered a real honour. Today, it’s Pro176’s work, an action-packed abstract using the bright colours and black outlines of a comic book. ››

Wallflower: street artists at work in Belleville tntMagazine.com

63

Before the end of the tour, we’ve seen Fred Le Chavalier’s romantic posters of red-lipped women with solemn, doll-like faces, one of Shepard Fairey’s famous anti-brand Obey Giant stickers (he’s the artist behind 2008’s Obama ‘HOPE’ poster), countless Space Invader tile mosaics and a host of other eclectic images. I come away dazzled, and wishing the walls of the world in general had less M&S Banking or Peugeot ads and more raw, just-for-the-hell-of-it art. Are you listening, Boris?

Leaving for London a few days later I recall Demian’s comment, “When I get a train into a city I can always tell what the overall artistic culture will be like.” Paris’s Metro, where graffiti tags stretch miles into the dark tunnels, give a hint of the city’s bursting street art scene, but around the tracks of the Gare du Nord is another story. Through the Eurostar’s window I see toothy sharks, grinning cats, huge spiky slogans whizzing by – the bat-shit crazy street art underworld is on full display, a showcase of the city’s sophisticated, daring, and exhilarating artists. As an indicator of the city’s art scene, it’s bang on. ❚ Underground Paris Street Art Walking Tours, £17

undergroundparis.org

WORLD’S 10 BEST CITIES FOR GRAFFITI ART tntmagazine.com/graffiti-travel

Shhh: one of French stencil graffiti genius Jef Aerosol’s finest works

Next week Northern Portugal: Exploring the vineyards of the Douro Valley

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

One of the Chinatowns of Paris is in Belleville, and it’s a good place for a bargain meal. Try Wen Zhou for steamed pork buns and other cheap Chinese dishes. Mains from around £6. (24 Rue de Belleville; tel. +33 1 46 36 56 33)

Busy Belleville bistro and wine bar Le Baratin serves tapas and hearty traditional French gourmet dishes.

Mains, such as cassoulet, duck terrine and roast beef, cost from around £10. restaurantlebaratin.fr

Chez Jenny Brasserie Alsacienne serves traditional Alsatian cuisine, specialising in choucroutes and seafood. Make sure you leave room for the dessert platter, which includes mini chocolate fondants and crème brûlées. Mains from around £15. chez-jenny.com

drink

Cafe Aux Folies is famous for being a haunt of singer Edith Piaf’s in the Fifties. Take a seat at one of the outdoor tables here to gaze at the graffiti and enjoy a mint tea or glass of wine for £1.70. (8 Rue de Belleville; tel. +33 1463 66598)

For drinks, live music and occasional literary events, try La Mariquinerie, one of Paris’s most popular gig venues. Glass of wine from £2.50. lamaroquinerie.fr

Go for cocktails at artsy hangout Café-Restaurant de la Halle aux Oliviers, housed in a cultural centre called La Bellevilloise. The Sunday jazz brunch draws a trendy set.

Cocktails cost from £7.60. labellevilloise.com

sleep

Snazzy new budget boutique hostel in Belleville The Loft has bright, comfortable rooms and is in a prime position for street art spotting. Dorm beds from £29pppn. theloft-paris.com

The middle-of-the-road rooms at Hotel Peyris have a contemporary style, with big comfy beds and a large, flat-screen TV. Breakfast, a decent continental buffet spread, is included. Rooms from £104pn. hotel-peyris.com

Le Bristol might just be one of the loveliest hotels on planet Earth.

You’ll feel like Marie Antoinette when standing in your opulent, neoclassically decorated room, gazing out at the Eiffel Tower from your balcony. If you splash out once in your life, make it here. Rooms from £811pn. lebristolparis.com

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Iconic: Ivan the Terrible ordered the building of the stunning St Basil’s Cathedral in 1555

Moscow Russia

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GETTING THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Moscow from £125 return with easyJet easyjet.com

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Moscow on a shoestring You can find discount drinks, freebie tours and cheapo activities galore in Russia’s capital, if you know where to look. Seriously Words Helen Elfer

Tell anyone you’re off to Moscow on your holidays, and they’ll probably whistle through their teeth at the inevitable bankruptcy they imagine you’ll soon face. And they have a point. It is darned expensive, with the costs of everything from accommodation to dining out costly enough to make London look like a city of paupers.

But since easyJet has just launched a new route from London Gatwick to Moscow, which could cost from as little as £125 return, the temptation for anyone on a budget to go now is at an all-time high.

Of course, as is the case in any major city, there are tricks to avoiding doing your wallet serious damage. So armed with a little insider info, you can visit, soak up the culture, party and see the sights on a (relatively) low budget. Here’s how.

WHEN TO GO: Unless you want to experience the bitter chills of a sub-zero Russian winter, you should stick to the summer months, between June and September, when temperatures reach around the 20ºC mark.

CURRENCY: £1 = 48RUB (Russian Rubles) AccomModation: It’s possible to get reasonably priced places to crash in Moscow. Try Godzillas Hostel, which is clean, welcoming and located close to major tourist attractions and metro stations. Beds in a 10-bed dorm cost £18pppn (godzillashostel.com).

SEE: visitrussia.com

Partying Well, here’s a challenge. Many of Moscow’s bars and clubs are all about minimum-spend tables, VIP areas and eyewateringly expensive cocktails, but there are exceptions.

Of course, there’s always vodka. You could do what the less well-off Muscovites do – drink at home first. You can buy a half-litre for around £3 in supermarkets, which should set you up for a decent night on the town.

Then, head to Barfly – one of the city’s worst-kept secrets.

It’s a proper smoky dive bar and sells cocktails from around £3 (about one-fifth of the cost of drinks in many of the more upmarket nightspots). MORE INFO: Barfly, Strastnoy bulvar 6, building 2; tel. +7 495 650 27 79.

Moving a fraction more fancy, drink at VinoSyr, an inexpensive cheese and wine bar where you’ll only have to shell out £3.90 for a glass of vino. MORE INFO: vinosyr.ru After a bit of an early charge, make your way to Propaganda, a huge warehouse where hip-hop, garage and jungle nights are held. Open until 6am, there’s no cover charge (except on Saturdays) and beers start from £1.90.

Quids in! MORE INFO: propagandamoscow.com

Sightseeing

Believe it or not, there’s a company that offers free sightseeing tours of Moscow.

Moscow Free Tour runs every day at 10.45am, takes two-and-a-half hours and includes a decent number of the city’s top sights, including St Basil’s Cathedral, Red Square, Lenin’s Mausoleum and the former KGB headquarters, also known as Lubyanka.

MORE INFO: moscowfreetour.com Of course, another way to sightsee on the cheap is to bring a map and do it yourself – there’s little to no charge for many of Moscow’s most interesting sights.

Keen on dead revolutionaries? Visit Lenin’s Mausoleum in Red Square to see the embalmed body of the former communist leader, where he lies in state under fierce armed guard. No horsing about is permitted here – visitors are expected to remain quiet and respectful when near the body or risk the wrath of the stern security. The Mausoleum is at the foot of the Kremlin wall, and was reopened to the public in May after months of renovations. Admission is free.

A stroll around Red Square itself is also free, and there’s no charge for gazing up at the St Basil’s Cathedral’s famous bright domes (entry is about £2 if you want to pop inside).

One of Russia’s most iconic (not to mention eccentric) sights, this Russian Orthodox church dates back to the 16th century.

The palaces and cathedrals of the Kremlin are also nearby, although you’ll have to stump up about £15 to get into the Armoury Chamber, Cathedral Square and the Ivan the Great Bell Tower.

On the eastern side of the square is Moscow’s grand GUM department store, and while you definitely won’t be buying anything here (it’s wall-to-wall designer brands, and prices are up to 20 per cent higher than in London), a stroll through to check out Moscow’s mega-rich oligarchs buying up a frenzy for their girlfriends is entertaining. Next to it is the restored Kazan Cathedral, while on the square’s northern side is the State Historical Museum. ›› MORE INFO: gum.ru; moscow.info tntMagazine.com

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+ 7 499 709 8760 ▪5 min walk to Red Square ▪Free internet and Wi-Fi ▪From £16 per night

Eating For a cheap taste of the region’s cuisine, try Stolovaya No 57 in GUM, which is themed in the style of the Soviet period. Russian classics including dressed herring, borsch (beetroot soup) and goulash (stew) can all be sampled here, and a multi-course meal will only set you back about £10.

MORE INFO: gum.ru At Restoranny Dom Tsentralny, a self-service canteen inside a Soviet-era mansion, you can help yourself to hearty Russian stews for less than a fiver. MORE INFO: Restoranny Dom Tsentralny, 1 Kudrinskaya Pl, Kudrinskaya skyscraper.

As for breakfast, Shokoladnitsa does a decent spread of pancakes, porridge, juice and coffee for £3. MORE INFO: Shokoladnitsa, Prospect Mira 29, tel. +7 495 680 85 15.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

Bizarre ballet: see the famed Bolshoi company

Za zdorovje: Means ‘for health’, another voddy?

to see entrance is totally free. MORE INFO: winzavod.ru/eng Gorky Park is temporarily home to the Garage Centre for Contemporary Culture, and hosts regular arts exhibitions.

Currently showing is the fifth installment of The Museum Of Everything, a travelling showcase for undiscovered, unintentional and untrained artists from across Russia.

Entrance is about £5.

MORE INFO: garageccc.com. ❚

Arts Moscow is developing a reputation as a world-class arts hub. Entry into the more classical art museums, such as the imposing Tretyakov State Gallery, is quite pricey, but it’s a different story where contemporary art is concerned. Delve into this scene at the Moscow Museum of Modern Art to see works from Pablo Picasso, Joan Miró, Salvador Dalí and Henri Rousseau as part of the permanent collection. Although the usual £5 entry fee isn’t steep, canny gallery goers can get in for nothing when visiting on the third Sunday of every month. MORE INFO: mmoma.ru Alternatively, visit Winzavod, Russia’s biggest contemporary arts centre. Here, seven old industrial buildings have been transformed into a space for exhibitions, festivals, lecture programmes, cinema screenings, designers, workshops, concerts and art galleries – and you’ll be stoked 68

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Red city: Moscow’s vibrant monuments as the sun sets

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MADE OF MONEY? Of course, it’s possible to visit Moscow without spending a small fortune. But as this is a city of seriously loaded people, there are ways to splash out – if you have some spare rubles, or find a rich benefactor, give these a go: Bolshoi Theatre It’s a quintessential tourist experience to see a ballet performance while in Russia, but tickets to see the Bolshoi Ballet Company, based at the Bolshoi Theatre, will set you back anything between £100-£300 or even more. bolshoi.ru/en The Most Even the name is ostentatious, but drink at swanky nightspot The Most and you could find yourself perched on a barstool next to Chelsea ower Roman Abramovich, who famously drowned his sorrows here after the 2008 Champions League final. He might have needed to drown them again when he saw his bar bill – drinks start from £10 for a small glass of wine and go up to around £600 for a bottle. themost.ru The Ritz-Carlton Moscow Sick of sharing a dorm with nine other smelly backpackers?

Check yourself into the Ritz-Carlton, where a swimming pool lit through Swarovski crystals, armchairs shaped like Fabergé eggs and a vodka sommelier at your service are all yours for a mere £2k a night if you opt for NEXT WEEK a nice spacious suite ... go on, treat yourself Cappadocia: Explored on (in your dreams). horseback and quad bike ritzcarlton.com MORE EXPENSIVE CITIES ON THE CHEAP tntmagazine.com/shoestring-luxury

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. nasty hobbit feet covered up, for Gandalf’s sakes. Mel KISS OFF : Following TNT’s ‘being a gentleman’ expert last week, I’m looking for a girl living in London who won’t want to pash until well into the third date.

Don’t worry girls, my breath is apparently horrendous so it won’t be a problem. Snogs (or anything else more XXXtreme) won’t be in the cards, but I’ll open the door and pull out your chair, deffo. Gerry

gain (well until we can find a way out of here anyway). It’s impossible to list all of the good times had in the little space here, but we have our memories, the people, the places, the trips, the banter, the bat cave, the ghetto, the mash … all are irreplaceable and all of them include you. Hurry home to us Miss Williams … the benders aren’t as affordable but we can’t wait to have one with you! Love NVG, Maria and the Gang

Things the Queen should do before she dies

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I’d vote for you. Laura MISSING YOU : Herbie, here’s to you being the last man standing!

What is London’s loss is Perth’s

BON VIVANT ON : Dear Jumbo (DS 1551), interesting nick you got there. I was compelled to write to you after reading your DS post. Do I assume the girls you tend to meet are after one thing (to be found in your wallet?) and you seek a more “I am my own person” kinda gal?

If so, here I am. I have no interest whatsoever in status and fame, but I have to say, I would love to listen to your Australian accent over and over again. You don’t reveal your age? I am far from being an ageist, but would prefer it if you were closer to my mid-30s. So you says “hit me

up”, well consider yourself hit. How about you do me a wine review sometime? Bye for now, Mary OVER AND OUT : They call me Honky Tonk Joe, and I gotta go go go go go … back to Australia, according to UKBA. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who’s made my time here such a wicked one.

Especially you little Sue. Hey, here’s an idea, why don’t you come with me to Oz and we can get married or something? Thoughts? Issie ANIMAL INSTINCT : There’s this immaculate transvestite who gets on my bus every morning. It took me such a long time to figure out why I’d clocked her, but eventually I figured it. Hun, if you want to complete the effect you need to stop using Lynx Africa. It’s a dead giveaway. Jenny GOOD LISTENER : To the weird guy in Verge bar last week, hope you enjoyed earwigging on me and my mate talking about whether leaving kisses off texts is an effective way to hint to someone you’re about to dump them. You were practically sitting in our laps by the end of the evening!

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EL HOOK-UPO : Dear DS, I noticed a cute Spanish-looking/ dancing boy at Movida as soon as he walked in on Saturday night.

I then had a boogie with him and his two nice big burly friends. We had an entire choreography going on. But then, much like Cinderalla (or Cinderello), he had to disappear.

If you are my mystery Spanish man post or message here. Sandy WHAT A TRIP : Art works made from pigs snouts, ‘cunt’ written on the wall in pink neon and The Warriors standing over the sink next to Yellow Submarine – your warehouse party was a cracker, Stevo. Thanks for the invite - when is the next one? Annie CAR CRASH : See a yellow Mini, get a punch, see an old Mini, get a punch, see an old yellow Mini, get mauled. Inadvertently walk past a Mini Clubs meet in Crystal palace last weekend, get absolutely massacred. The wounds will take a while to heal. Aaron FUN ‘N’ GAMES : Newly arrived, looking for fun, do you like playing tiddliwinks at all hours of the night? I do, really, that’s not a euphemism, I can’t get enough of flicking little bits of plastic into a plastic cup. It’s the best! Marty SUN SMARTS : It’s that time of year again, our glorious fortnight (ish) of sunshine and warmth. The pale creatures of London town emerge blinking at the mysterious yellow orb floating in the sky.

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