1564

August 19-25 2013 Issue 1564 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

CAGE DIVING WITH SHARKS IN SOUTH AFRICA FOR YOU & THREE MATES

SURVIVE NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL An essential guide to London’s biggest party

TNT’S BEST BANK HOLIDAY BREAKS Top staycations for the year’s last long weekend

A-HOLE LANDLORDS: KNOW YOUR RIGHTS From who should fix it to clawing back your deposit

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Notting Hill Carnival will be rampaging loud and proud through the neighbourhood’s narrow streets this weekend, and it’s a London rite of passage you don’t want to miss. Sure, it’s got a bit of a rep – a dirty, drunken, slightly stabby one – but flick to our foolproof guide on P26 and, by knowing what to expect, you’ll be prepared for one hell of a party. The Carnival has been celebrating multiculturalism in the capital since the Sixties – something well worth showing your support for.

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You don’t need Notting Hill Carnival to get a taste of the tropics in the capital

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It’s the Big Smoke’s maddest street party.

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Make the most of the long weekend with one of these top-notch staycations

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There’s more to San Sebastian than surf: try festivals and food, to name but two

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Become a myTNT V for access to fantastic fre huge discounts and heaps o For just £50, joining our new club will give you the chan more in London and beyond For the full list of details an see tntmagazine.com/myT NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 FREE 8th Day Adventure membership for 30 VIPs – worth £140 FREE My Living London discount card for all VIPs – worth £60 FREE Cuisine Card membership for first 100 VIPs – worth £29.99 Save 10%

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NEW! £200 WITH MEDSAILORS The first 35 VIPs will get their hands on a FREE £200 voucher to spend with MedSailors for travel in September. Take in the breathtaking sights of Croatia, Greece or Turkey on the perfect holiday onboard your very own yacht

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FREE ANNUAL CUISINE CARD Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

FREE 8TH DAY ADVENTURE This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140.

After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

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NEW! THE TRAVEL CLUB Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

FREE CASE OF BONDI BEER Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. Because we all know summertime parties are thirsty work. You are very welcome.

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Salty: ‘seaside’ city street fest

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON bookstock-on-sea east london

Not a literary spin on Woodstock, as the name might suggest, but a street festival centred around east London bar The Book Club. This third annual event takes on a nautical theme, celebrating the British summer by the seaside. There will be music from disco band Odyssey, hip-hop duo Nextmen, Prince tribute Princeless and more, including a slow motion ‘Baywatch running’ competition, a Punch and Judy show and donkey rides along with a wealth of fish and chips and sea salt cocktails. Top stuff. free

Sun, Aug 25, 12pm-9pm Leonard Street, EC2A

Liverpool Street

neighbourhood beach

camden fringe

art in the wild

A big part of the Southbank Centre’s Festival of Neighbourhood, this 70m-long urban beach stretches the entire length of the South Bank’s Queen’s Walk and is a perfect riverside location for chilling out in the sand with a beer, lapping up those rays of sun and watching the people of London go past.

It’s your last chance to catch some top comedy and theatre as the Fringe enters its final week.

Check out surreal solo character show Paolo Ferrari Live And Al Dente and Ezra Elia’s absurd comic thriller, Heads Bodies Legs, in which a hospital patient forfeits his soul so that he can pay his bill (both until Aug 25).

After going down a storm last December, this hugely popular exhibition returns to the OXO Gallery. Photographer Roger Hooper’s work focuses on wildlife and the natural environment, capturing magical moments not often glimpsed, as well as the many WWF projects that he’s covered.

Until Sep 4, 10am-11pm Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

Until Aug 25, times vary Various across Camden Camden Town camdenfringe.com

Until Sep 1, 11am-6pm 108 Stamford Street, SE1 9NH Southwark coinstreet.org/whatson

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Axe-ellent: five-day horror movie festival

TEAM in A l ThiS AUETAGUE UMn

Represent your country

FILM4 FRIGHTFEST Central London

Awesome tours FREE Now in its 13th year, this annual event boasts a weekend of horror movie mania with a load of flicks screening over five days. Top picks are Ryan Reynolds timetravel thriller R.I.P.D., camcorder horror V/H/S/2 and Aussie Sharni Vinson’s You’re Next (above). There are also loads of special guest stars in attendance, including Bobcat ‘Zed from Police Academy’ Goldthwait, who is now a celebrated director.

Aug 22-26, times vary Empire Leicester Square, WC2H 7NA

Leicester Square

frightfest.co.uk

POETICAT

NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL

Part spoken word, part performance art, part heavy rock, part world music – safe to say four-piece PoetiCat is not your usual group. Resolutely alternative and proudly DIY, they’re wildly original yet wholly accessible as well. You’ll be converted instantly into their weird and wonderful world.

This annual bank holiday event has been going since 1966, led by members of the West Indian community. With around a million people attending, it is one of the biggest street festivals in the world, with music, food and its famous parade. Turn to P26 for our must-not-miss survival guide.

Aug 24, 7pm 22 Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ Brixton windmillbrixton.co.uk

Aug 25 & 26, 9am-7pm Notting Hill, W11 Latimer Road thenottinghillcarnival.com

£3

Weekend festivals

FREE

Weekly after match socials

Special: Shy FX plays his first reggae set at London Fields

Capital Caribbean London’s awash with the sights, sounds and flavours of the Caribbean. Here’s the best outside Notting Hill Words alasdair morton The Notting Hill Carnival is about to unleash a wealth of West Indian music, food and culture across the bank holiday weekend, but it’s not the only place to get a taste of the Caribbean in London (although you can find out all you need to know about the Carnival on P26).

The east gets its dose of the Carib spirit with Reggae Roast and Wray And Nephew’s Carnival Warm-Up Party on the opposite side of town at the London Fields Brewery in Hackney.

“It’s going to be a special day bringing the atmosphere of carnival and Jamaica to east London through a combination of music, art, food and of course authentic Jamaican cocktails,” says UK sound system and label Reggae Roast’s Moodie Ranking.

Reggae Roast will lead a musical journey through Jamaica’s fave stylings, from rocksteady to roots and dancehall throughout the day, with cocktails, a Jamaican-style barbecue and coconut stalls adding to the tropical vibe. World famous street artist Jack Murray will also be on hand to bring a little bit of Kingston to town with a very special live project.

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“He’ll be creating a scene from downtown Kingston as a huge mural throughout the day, incorporating aspects of Jamaican culture such as sound systems, street food stalls and music. People will be able to watch the scene develop in front of their eyes as the day progresses,” Ranking explains.

The daytime events are just half of what the Reggae Roast crew have planned: “From 9pm the night session will kick off and things will really start to ramp up. We’ll be cranking up the decibels on the huge Noise Control Audio Sound System.”

Headlining will be Shy FX, the worldrenowned drum ‘n’ bass producer who is just about to release his first fulllength reggae album.

“It’s a tribute to the rise in popularity of reggae and Jamaican culture recently,” Ranking adds of Shy FX’s performance. “This will be his first reggae set so it’s really special and not to be missed.”

The Caribbean vibes are not just curtailed to the bank holiday weekend, however, with famed Wandsworth pub The Ship planning to host a Caribbeanthemed day next month.

“People can expect a classic, chilled out Ship Sunday with a Caribbean twist,” says The Ship’s Jo Ellery of their plans for the day, which will see their new-look outdoor terrace taken over by an island theme and plenty of spicy jerk chicken.

Along with the tastes of the Caribbean will be special guest Levi Roots, who’s known for overloading the senses with his food and beats.

“Mr Reggae Reggae Sauce himself will be playing live acoustic music from his new album,” Ellery says. “His music, much like his cooking, is all about fun, relaxation and heart. He’ll be here all day so swing by and say hello – he might even give a cooking demo!”

And that’s just the start of it – Caribbean flavours can be found all across London if you look …

MORE TASTES OF THE CARIBBEAN ›› Reggae Roast and Wray And Nephew’s Carnival Warm Up. Aug 24. £8+ London London Fields Fields Brewery, E8 3RR reggaeroast.co.uk The Ship’s Caribbean Day. Sep 1. FREE The Ship, SW18 1TB Wandsworth Town theship.co.uk

Rootsy: Levi plays Wandsworth’s The Ship

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Business Design Centre Islington | N1 0QH Saturday 28 September

REGISTER NOW All aboard: The Ship hosts a Caribbean-themed all-dayer

Reggae Roast: Ramon Judah, MC Ishu and Ranking

DEALS 1 DAY SHOW | 50% ARS GIVEAWAYS | SEMIN ONLINE 1000 FREE TICKETS

tnttravelshow.com

rum shack tower hill

caribbean steel international kensington

This Caribbeanthemed pop-up arrived earlier this summer to bring a little ruminfused spice to rooftop bar Skylounge at Doubletree

by Hilton in central London.

There’s Windies food and drinks, reggae beats and stunning views of the Thames and the city to admire. We recommend the rum shack sangria. £14

Mon-Sat, 4pm-10pm 7 Pepys Street, EC3N 4AF Tower Hill doubletree3.hilton.com

This famous traditional steel music band are set to play three two-day residencies at this west London hotel. As well as sets from the band themselves, there will also be a three-course Caribbeaninfluenced buffet, limbo dancing and DJs, too. £38

Aug 24 & 25, Sep 28 & 29, Oct 26 & 27, 7.30pm 97 Cromwell Road, SW7 4DN Gloucester Road hikensingtonforumhotel.co.uk

uk rumfest 2013 central london UK Rumfest is “the ultimate rum experience”, bringing “the music, food and partying associated with rum drinking”, led by UK Rum Ambassador Ian Burrell (above). There will be over 400 rums to sample – we’d recommend not trying them all in one day – with cocktails and live mixing demonstrations, too. A tropical food market will bring you sustenance and there’s salsa, soca, reggae, zouk and samba dancing throughout the afternoon as well. £25+

Oct 12 & 13, 12pm-5pm Excel Centre, E16 1XL

Custom House

artesian central london

Afrospot east london

Artesian’s ‘rum ambassador’ has sourced more than 50 different rums, including many rare Caribbean types.

There is a reason this bar is one of London’s finest!

Kodjovi Kush and The Afrospot AllStars host this monthly night that brings you all the best afro, reggae and dub.

£5

cottons camden & islington These two branches of well-loved Cottons restaurant offer up the finest islands-inspired food. Cottons Camden has seen the likes of Samuel L. Jackson, Halle Berry and Chris Martin stop by to sample its menu, which is renowned for fusing traditional Caribbean dishes with nouveau cuisine.

Cottons Islington boasts a ‘Jerk Night’ every Tuesday, and Cottons Rhum Shack in Shoreditch is all about the rum cocktails and tall drinks. £4

Times and dates vary 55 Chalk Farm Road, NW1; 70 Exmouth Market, EC1R 4QP; 48 Boxpark, E1 6GY Camden Town; Angel Shoreditch High Street cottons-restaurant.co.uk; rhumshack.co.uk

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rumfest.co.uk

Mon-Sat, 12pm-2am. Sun, 12pm12am W1B 1JA Oxford Circus artesian-bar.co.uk

rum shack soho Floridita’s rum shack (left) goes to town with the Caribbean’s favourite spirit. There are 15 signature rum cocktails – so something for everyone, whether you’re after a simple classic or something a little more adventurous.

Also a top drawer line up of live music and DJs. FREE

Tue-Wed, 5.30pm-2am. Thur-Sat, 5.30pm-3am W1F 0TN Tottenham Court Road floriditalondon.com

£6

little roy and band chelsea

Rompa’s Reggae Shack bring this post-Carnival after party to central London for a night of reggae, roots, digi, dancehall and jungle. To make sure you’re properly in the mood, you’ll have to sample some of Rompa’s Reggae Rum Punch, too. Party time.

Little Roy started playing roots and reggae back in the Sixties, and has amassed a career that includes bona fide genre classics such as Prophesy, Christopher Columbus and Tribal War. He is also, perhaps a little surprisingly, known for performing covers in what can only be described as the ‘reggae style’, as seen on his Battle For Seattle album in 2011, in which he took a decidedly reggae approach to Nirvana’s grunge output.

You can definitely expect a little of both tonight at this west London show.

Aug 25, 7pm-3am Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, WC1H 9EU Russell Square bloomsburybowling.com

Aug 29, 7pm Stamford Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS Fulham Broadway underthebridge.co.uk

Last Sat of the month, 8pm-3am Passing Clouds, 1 Richmond Road, E8 4AA Liverpool Street passingclouds.org

rompa’s reggae shack carnival central london £5

£15

reggae salute brixton

anda de bridge shoreditch

Reggae Salute comes to south London’s iconic venue for this night of roots, reggae and dancehall, featuring star Jamaican roots, reggae and poetry performer Luciano as headliner and support from I-Octane, Etana, Christopher Martin and Chuck Fendor.

Possibly the best named bar in London (it has to be said with the accent!) brings reggae tunes and drinks to the east. The best sunny tracks blast out all day and night and you can feast on West Indian grub including dumplings and saltfish. Plus, be sure to get stuck into top rum-based cocktails.

FREE

£42

Sep 29, 7pm 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL Brixton o2academybrixton.co.uk

the hot caribbean carnival islington

Mon-Sat, 11am-11pm.

Sun, 12pm-10.30pm 42 Kingsland Road, E2 8DA Liverpool Street andadebridge.com

DJs and events label Sun Bailante is behind this Notting Hill Carnival after party, with a live PA by the Barbados megastar Lil Rick. They’ll be joined by the “best Caribbean DJs in the world”, including DJ Duchess Alicia, Djahman, Shakit, Mr General, Djorn and James, and more, to make sure the Carnival party keeps going all the way through to sun up the next day. £13.50

Aug 25, 11pm-6am 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS o2academyislington.co.uk

Angel

the village green market east London

reggae punk mondays soho

Every last Saturday of the month, this food and fashion market pops up in east London, and is famed for its Caribbean grub courtesy of Mama’s Jerk Station.

Reggae and punk classics, which fused a life together on the Seventies music scene in London, combine at this weekly club night.

FREE

batuke! festival various venues

Mon, 8pm-3am Madame Jo-Jo’s, 8-10 Brewer Street, W1F 0SE Oxford Circus madamejojos.com

This fourth annual music festival looks to highlight Afro-Latin and Caribbean cultures, and brings a wealth of music and performance from around the world via workshops so you can get a real taste for the flavour of dance and music, particularly from the West Indies. There are performances and parties in the evenings after you’ve tried it out for yourself and, hopefully, picked up some new skills. Remember to seek out their Afro-Latin sound system at Carnival.

Ellis (right) was named Best British Male Newcomer at the Brit Reggae Awards earlier this year and makes his first hometown appearance since then at the Jazz Cafe. A star in the making.

Mr Vegas has created a back catalogue of reggae and dancehall classics over the course of his decade-long career – as well as a name for himself as a diehard social media aficionado – which he’ll be taking to this north London venue.

Aug 23-26, times vary Various venues Various batukefestival.com

Sep 28, 7pm The Jazz Cafe, NW1 7PG Camden Town mamacolive.com

Aug 21, 7pm The Jazz Cafe, NW1 7PG Camden Town mamacolive.com

£20+

Photos: Getty

£3+

Last Sat of the month, 11am-6pm 17 Amhurst Terrace, E8 2BT Rectory Road hackneydownsstudios. wordpress.com

christopher ellis camden £12

mr vegas camden £20+

caribbean scene royale greenwich This award-winning 100-seat restaurant – it was voted the UK’s best Caribbean restaurant two years in a row – is famed for ‘Caribbean chic cuisine’. It serves up the finest cocktails – the Hurricane Bar is open for those who want to drink without dining – as well as a culinary journey through the various countries, making it a must stop in London for a genuine Caribbean experience. £5+

Mon-Thur, 12pm-11pm. Fri-Sat, 12pm-12am. Sun, 12pm-11pm 17 Western Gateway, Royal Victoria Dock, E16 1AQ Royal Victoria caribbeanscene.co.uk

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Industrial: The Light bar

BAR

The burly bouncers check inside my bag before I’m allowed to make my way into The Light. It’s a bit over the top for a bar but, confident I’m not carrying any weapons, they give me the nod and advise me against opening a packet of crisps they’ve found in my bag. There are others still in the queue that aren’t so (un)lucky – the packed beer garden is brimming with drinkers, so it’s one-in one-out and they have to wait. It’s the outside space that’s a massive draw here. Not a garden as such, but more a collection of pub benches. Parties of after-work drinkers are already lining up shots to kick off their Friday night. The music – house with a pulsing bassline – from inside the bar is thumping its way out. It’s torturously loud as we wander into the soulless industrial warehouse-style venue to order drinks, which takes far too long.

THE SCENE

THE GRUB Bar snacks include calamari, onion rings, burgers, salads and pittas with hummus – as well as a 50g bag of Maltesers and jelly beans (£2 if you’re keen).

BEHIND THE BAR A top selection of beers, ciders, whiskies, liqueurs, champers, bombs, spirits, ports, wines and cocktails raises this place from a one- to a two-star venue.

BILL PLEASE Beer from £4 a pint, £3.50 a bottle; cocktails from £8; shots from £3.75; wine from £3.40 a glass, £14.50 a bottle.

VERDICT Worth a visit if you’re in the area. Avoid going inside. CAROL DRIVER

223 Shoreditch High Street, E1 6PJ

thelighte1.com

Liverpool Street

NOTTING HILL ARTS CLUB

3 OF THE BEST

nottinghillartsclub.com

A revolutionary new concept in seafood dining, sourcing the best sustainable fish on a daily basis from our own fisheries in Cornwall and encouraging you to create your own dish

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TRAILER HAPPINESS

A colourful crowd tends to congregate in this gem of a pub on Portobello Road, which serves craft beers and cask ales alongside an eclectic mix of live music.

Sits opposite the blue door from that movie.

Unselfconscious cocktail bar with inventive takes on rumheavy blends (Mr Yellow Belly mixes Wray & Nephew with lime, jerk and tamarind syrup, £8). They call them “exceptional drinks with a tiki twist”.

castleportobello.co.uk

trailerhappiness.com

4 Inverness Street, Camden Town, London NW1 7HJ info@simplyfish.com | 020 7482 2977

www.simplyfish.com

Photos: Facebook

NOTTING HILL DRINKING DENS

This basement club is an old fave and offers a varied programme of live music and DJs, hosting everything from reggae and ska to beloved indie night Death2Disco.

Scruffy but cool.

THE CASTLE

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

EXCLUSIVE TNT

OFFER – SAVE 25% FESTIVAL OF FOOD AND WINE RACEDAY Saturday 7th September Be inspired by an array of tantalising local food and wines from around the world as celebrity chef, James Martin, presents a live cookery demonstration between a thrilling seven-race card.

Exclusive TNT Package for Just £23pp • Grandstand Admission Ticket • 2 Drinks Vouchers • £2 tote Betting Voucher

To take advantage of this exclusive TNT offer call 0844 346 3000 or visit ascot.co.uk quoting TNTFOOD. Terms and conditions apply.

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BITE SIZE

John Salt: blue collar grub in Islington

CONNECT 4-PLAY You can’t really call yourself a hip young thing making the most of London unless you’ve been to brunch at least once at The Breakfast Club, which is celebrating eight years in business this week with loads of Eighties-themed fun. On Thursday alone, there’s a space hopper race around Hoxton Square and a Rubik’s Cube challenge in the Spitalfields branch, while on Friday you can try Connect 4-Play speed dating in Hoxton and Clapham. As a bonus, money raised from these events will go to Rays of Sunshine, which grants wishes to kids with life-threatening illnesses. thebreakfastclubcafes.com

JOHN SALT BBQ

Join the space hopper race

GAME (SEASON) ON Calling all carnivores: it’s game season and the city’s restaurants are falling over themselves to get in on the meaty treats. For one, the City’s Paternoster Chop House has created a game and gin cocktail pairing menu (sample match: beetroot martini blended with Hendrick’s gin; pigeon breast on toast served with blackberry and onion chutney). How terribly British. paternosterchophouse.co.uk

Photos: Getty

CUPPAS AND COCKTAILS Fancy a pint with your full English breakfast, or maybe you’re more in the mood for a fry-up at 2am? Well weirdoes, your prayers have been answered. Newly refurbished Polo Bar on Bishopsgate is reopening and serving everything from breakfasts and pies to craft beers and Cristal, 24 hours a day. A Great British caff for all hours, where you can enjoy a cuppa or a cocktail whatever the time of day.

John Salt on Angel’s Upper Street describes itself with almost absurd modesty as: “A neighbourhood bar with good beer.” This, I imagine, tactical undersell suppressed my expectations on a smotheringly humid evening recently.

Split over two levels, John Salt carries off the, some would say now clichéd, industrial chic aesthetic with rare aplomb. Downstairs a number of slatted metal tables and benches sit next to floor-to-ceiling front windows. The bar is a pewtertopped expanse of beauty that forms a suitable centre-point to the relaxed downstairs, while the dining area is stationed in a murkily lit mezzanine.

The grub John Salt’s menu is the brainchild of former Pitt Cue Co chef/ BBQ savant Neil Rankin. Indulging the current trend for ‘sharing plates’, John Salt’s daily changing menu is a cacophony of clashes and cunning blue-collar embellishments.

See: aged-dripping fries. Our pork belly with pineapple is so good I wish it was served by the pallet, and the deep-fried whitebait with chipotle mayo is fresh and spicy. The heirloom tomato salad is delightfully biting and the chard onions with yoghurt is one of those dishes that is so simple it fools you into thinking you could create your own version at home. You couldn’t. Thoroughly stuffed I force down a strawberry soup with sesame brittle, which is a bizarrely fitting end to the meal.

THE SCENE

The sharing plates style of dining doesn’t lend itself to a bottle of plonk. You’re better off going with a couple of bottles from John Salt’s considered beer list. Kernel IPA is great. Although, if you’re set on wine, the Rioja is balanced and versatile enough to rub along happily with most dishes on the menu.

Bill please Small plates start from £3.50, with most medium plates £8, going up to £12 for really big plates. Sides £3; desserts £4; beer from £4; wine from £3.95. verdict Usually when you take blue collar food as your inspiration and give it a proper dining twist the soul disappears along with the taste. John Salt has kept both, in spades. Perfect for a relaxed mid-week treat, or, whisper it, a date. OJ Behind the bar

polo24hourbar.co.uk 131 Upper Street, N1 1QP

john-salt.com

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Bank holiday banger: SW4 brings the tunes back to south London

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south west four Clapham Common, SW4 9DE Aug 24 & 25 | Doors at 12pm | £50

The 10th anniversary bash for this Rob Da Bank-curated Isle of Wight fest is shaping up to be one of its best. Elton John, Snoop Dogg, Fatboy Slim (pictured), M.I.A., Franz Ferdinand, The Flaming Lips, WuTang Clan, Bombay Bicycle Club, Rudimental and Jessie Ware are just a smattering of what’s going on. Also with a wealth of DJs among the live music, comedy, and an HMS Bestival theme to mark the anniversary.

Sep 5-8. £199. Robin Hill Country Park, Isle Of Wight, PO30 2NU

bestival.net

London’s annual dance fest comes to Clapham Common for the 10th year to make sure the last bank holiday of the year goes off with a bang.

The two-day south London event has quickly become the must-not-miss dance event of the summer, taking clubland lovers outside for an all-day party.

Saturday night is headlined by Armin Van Buuren, with Afrojack, Laidback Luke, special guest Eddie Halliwell, alongside Paul Van Dyk, Paul Oakenfold and with back-to-back sets, Carl Cox and Loco Dice.

Example headlines the Sunday night with Knife Party (aka Rob Swire and Gareth McGrillen from defunct Aussie drum ‘n’ bass-ers Pendulum) alongside Nicky Romero, Andy C, Baauer, Benji B and Deviation, Strings, Dillon Francis, RL Grime, Friction and Friends, Kove, and special guest, Californian Steve Aoki.

Pete Tong presents the All Gone Pete Tong stage, with a Groove Armada DJ set, Erick Morillo, Steve Lawler, Dusky, Blond:Ish, Johnny Bloomfield, Jesse James and Scuba. Eric Prydz will be on hand too, with Boys Noize performing a live show and Laurent Garnier, James Zabiela, Tim Green and Sven Vath, with Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs (above) and The 2 Bears highlights on the Together Stage.

So cross your fingers for some top weather – on recent form, this is going to be the summer that comes through – and make sure you have the after party sorted as the show finishes at 11pm. Eric Prydz headlines the official after party, South West More, at Electric Brixton.

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reading festival GIG Aug 23-25. from 12pm £90

San Fran punks Green Day, hip-hop star Eminem (right) and Scot-rockers Biffy Clyro are the three headliners at this bank holiday weekend rock out. Throw into that System of A Down, Deftones, Foals, Nine Inch Nails, Fall Out Boy, Alt-J, Skrillex, Bastille, Azealia Banks, Sub Focus and Knife Party all turned up to 11.

Reading Richfield Avenue, RG1 8BD Reading readingfestival.com

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sun, aug 25. 10pm-3am £7

sun, aug 25. 2pm-10.30pm £20.50

The I Love gang pop into the Barfly for this full-on bank holiday bash, playing the best pop, rock, disco, cheese and indie tracks from the Nineties – everything from Pulp to Steps.

Upstairs, DJs will be going head-to-head to see who wins in the silent disco face-off at this noholds-barred classics fest.

This second mini-festival from the SecretSundaze crew embraces a wider spectrum of electronic music, with electro legend Juan Atkins and German producer Moritz Von Oswald presenting their collaboration Borderland (live). After the Studio 338 afternoon show, it continues at Coronet in Elephant & Castle from 10pm-7am.

The Barfly 49 Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AN Chalk Farm ilovethe90sparty.com

Studio 338 338 Boord Street, SE10 0PF North Greenwich residentadvisor.net

i am camera The buzz so far The synth-pop duo of Mancunian Francesca and Northern Irish Londoner Ian captured attention with their early singles Factory Boys and cover of Pet Shop Boys’ Rent, as well as remixing for the likes of Lana Del Ray and S’Express. They say the influences for the video for their new single, The Legendary Children, included the film Spring Breakers, Dee-Lite, Pedro Almodovar and Roy Lichtenstein – “all the classics”. Recently played Lovebox festival and the Sebright Arms, showing the cross-genre appeal that will take them places.

Children is sultry, sexy and seductive.

The Critics say “Synth stylists” Metro

The Legendary Children is out August 25. iamcameraofficial.com

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fri, aug 23. from 5.30pm £32.50

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thur, aug 22. 7pm FREE

Britpop legends Suede, who reunited back in 2010, bring their new album Bloodsports, their sixth LP, to north London’s Kenwood House for this proper posh gig in the surrounds of the stately home and its rather nice lake. Indie stalwarts British Sea Power and up-and-comers Teleman are the supports on the night.

Innovation bring this bank holiday bass off to south London, with the likes of Roni Size (above), Dynamite, Skibadee, Matrix and loads more. To make sure there’s room for everyone, they’re taking over this south London warehouse space to make it the biggest and best drum ‘n’ bass night going on in the capital.

This Hartlepool-birthed band is a collective of singer-songwriters who have been gaining quite a following for their blues and roots tunes, or ‘industrial folk’ as it has been coined. They’ve supported The Charlatans, Babyshambles and Jake Bugg, and play this London launch party for the release of their new album, Jarmalade.

Kenwood House Hampstead Lane, NW3 7JR Archway livebythelake.co.uk

Great Suffolk Street Warehouse 29 Great Suffolk Street Warehouse, SE1 0NR Borough innovationtickets.com

The Elgin 96 Ladbroke Grove, Notting Hill, W11 1PY Ladbroke Grove thejarfamily.com

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The Aussie actress on her new horror movie, doing her own stunts and beating the crap out of her best friend INTERVIEW alasdair morton

Your new movie You’re Next is a vicious home invasion horror. Have you always been a horror fan?

Totally. I never had nightmares watching horror as a kid. I’d walk into a video store and zone in on the horror section, all the Freddy Kruegers, Jaws, Pet Cemetery, the Chucky movies, Stephen King’s IT – I still won’t walk over a drain in the street, though!

How did you get involved in the film? It’s a bit different to your last (Step Up 3D).

I’m good friends with a lot of stuntmen; I have always had a passion for that [sort of work] and at one point wanted to be a stuntwoman. A friend who is a stuntman in the business knew [the filmmakers] were struggling to find their lead actress, as they wanted someone with a physicality and acting background. And then they asked him if he knew any women in the stunt world ...

When did you decide you wanted to pursue acting rather than stunts?

Acting was always first, but I’ve always had a passion for being physical [too]. I grew up a swimmer, a horserider and a dancer. A lot of the time when I fell dancing it was like doing your own stunts, so there was a crossover. And a lot of my friends were in the stunt business. I’d watch them do burn-outs, drive cars off bridges and light themselves on fire and think: “I want to do that.” I’ve always had a lot of energy.

And you need that for this movie.

You’re always running ...

Yes, always keep running, that was actually one of my mottos growing up. So it was funny that this comes in to the film!

Photos: Getty

There must have been some tough days filming. Which was the hardest?

I don’t remember there being a tough day, actually. That’s the weirdest part.

Not even when you had to bash someone in the head 10 times?

No, this was the funnest movie to shoot. The only person who was not having a fun time was the director, as he had this horrible toothache the whole time and was on all kinds of pain

Action girl: Vinson takes them all on in You’re Next killers just to get through it. I loved coming on to set and getting into hair and make-up and instead of looking all pretty, getting blood and guts sprayed all over me. We were shooting a horror movie, not a beauty pageant!

What was the best scene to film?

A choreographed three-person fight sequence in this small kitchen at the end of the movie. I had always wanted to work with a stunt co-ordinator like that. We were using all the objects in the kitchen and seeing what we could do with them (kitchen appliances get some very inventive uses, we’ll say that much!). And the other girl who is in the scene, Wendy Glenn, is my best friend and roommate of five years. We’ve lived together in Hollywood before.

You’re Next director Adam Wingard, writer Simon Barrett and many of the cast had worked together before. Was it tough coming into that group?

Only for the first day. I was very aware that Adam and Simon and much of the cast had all worked together before – I was this outsider girl that they only knew from Step Up 3D. The first scene we shot was a big dinner table scene with everyone and there was lots of improvisation.

It was like an out of body experience as I’m not an improvistional actor. Watching them deliver these lines I almost couldn’t stop laughing – we

had to cut a lot of our reactions out ‘cos we were just laughing the whole time!

How did you get on with the attackers in the movie?

They were such great guys and dedicated to do whatever they had to do – which wasn’t much fun for them, as I had to beat the shit out of them.

And the guy under the tiger mask was writer Barrett ...

Yeah, but he didn’t want to hurt me. He had to smash through a window at one point and he was so tentative about doing it. I had to encourage him to treat me pretty mean.

You must have picked up some injuries doing all this?

Actually, this was the first film where I‘ve not broken something. I’ve broken toes and fingers before. This time I escaped unscathed, almost.

In the dinner table scene I had to throw the table cloth off and dive under the table but I didn’t realise that Amy’s [Seimetz] heel was sticking out. So I got a six-inch stiletto about a millimetre from my eye. There was real blood then. But it’s not a real horror movie if you don’t have at least one injury!

You’re Next is released on August 28 through Lionsgate

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Summer times: a dazzling coming-of-age tale

the kings of summer FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso, Moises Arias | 15 | 95mins | Out Aug 23

elysium FILM Starring: Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley | 15 | 109mins

Neill Blomkamp follows up his acclaimed sci-fi/ social commentary District 9 with this equally epic-looking future tale, in which society is divided into two. The rich live on the titular paradise space station, the others root around in the grime on Earth – until Matt Damon’s crim sets out to break into ‘the most heavily defended place in the universe’, that is.

On general release August 21

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Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts and screenwriter Chris Galletta’s feature debut is a warm and decidedly funny coming-of-age comedy that deserves its acclaim as one of this year’s Sundance breakout hits.

The film tells the tale of Joe (Nick Robinson) and Patrick (Gabriel Basso), two teenaged best friends who are fed up with their lives at home. Joe’s father is a depressive widower and Patrick’s mother and father are overbearing in their attempts to be both parents and friends. So the two decide to take off for the summer and build their own house in a clearing in the woods, living by themselves with no one to tell them what to do, and with oddball pal Biaggio (Moises Arias) tagging along for the experience.

The insight and understanding of the young boys’ predicaments gives the film a heartfelt sincerity that is immediately touching, their longing for independence and adulthood an instantly recognisable experience from childhood.

It is also exceptionally funny, with Arias a scene-stealing wonder as the eccentric and unpredictable Biaggio and Nick Offerman, as Joe’s father Frank, bringing a sarcastic bite through his unrelenting intolerance of stupidity. “You’re right, it is a classic kidnapping – they took our children and the canned goods and pasta!” he growls at one point.

With great performances across the board and stunning cinematography that captures the beauty of an outdoors that enraptures the boys, it is a sterling debut.

Good for: Enjoying one of the films of the year.

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COMEDY

The celebrated US actress (The Larry Sanders Show, The Truth About Cats And Dogs) and funny lass Garofalo comes to London for a very special three-night stint. Famed for her acerbic wit, which takes in everything from pop culture to politics to this-is-what’s-wrong-with-theworld. Don’t miss.

Soho Theatre 41 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Aug 25-27. £20 Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

cover story: radio times at 90

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EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The history of Britain told through the historic British weekly TV and radio listings magazine, Radio Times. The exhibition illustrates the changing culture, politics and social mores of the years since, and includes iconic covers, historic broadcasts, and never-before-seen treats dug up from the BBC archives.

It’s hard to imagine Rodgers and Hammerstein II (Carousel, Oklahoma!) being responsible for a flop, but this is the first fully staged London production of their 1955 show which opened for a limited Broadway run. The plot is basically boy meets unsuitable girl but the leads give sympathetic performances. LK

Museum of London 150 London Wall, EC2Y 5HN. Until Nov 3.

FREE Barbican museumoflondon.org.uk

Union Theatre Union Theatre, SE1 0LX. Until Aug 31. £19.50 Southwark uniontheatre.biz

matt okine How has your show changed since you hit the road last year?

It’s a very different beast, like a comedy Frankenstein. I’ve chopped and changed, added some new legs, and now all it wants is brains.

A monster of a show!

Photos: Alastair Muir

You say you want to be hovercraft rich – what would you do with the money? I’d book flights to the 2014 World Cup. Turns out Brazil is quite a long way away.

Then I’d hire out a totally balling hotel penthouse for me and my friends for the month.

jurassic park 3D

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THEATRE

Steven Spielberg’s dinos-on-the-loose classic gets a three-dimensional retooling here. Back in 1993, no one knew what CGI was, not even Spielberg himself, but the film became a landmark in special effects. It is still, 20 years later, a thrilling movie, too, that rewards repeat viewings. Richard Attenborough’s Scottish accent not so much, though.

The finger-clicking opening of this dangerous musical still generates an air of excitement as rival gangs, the Jets and the Sharks, clash over their patch of New York. Not all the singing matches the vibrancy of the dancing, but who can resist classics such as Maria, I Feel Pretty, Tonight and the optimistic Somewhere. LK

IMAX release August 23

Sadler’s Wells Roseberry Avenue, EC1R 4TN. Until Sep 22. £15+ Angel sadlerswells.com

What was the strangest on stage moment of the last 12 months?

I went on stage at the Melbourne Comedy Fest and asked a lady in the front row how her night was. No ‘making fun of her’ business just, “Hi ma’am, how are you?” She then stood up and walked out and her husband had to follow her.

What have you learned from touring? Not every hotel provides complimentary moisturiser, so when you see that stuff – take it!

Being Black And Chicken And S#%t In Edinburgh. Aug 28-Sep 7. £15 W1D 3NE Tott Court Road sohotheatre.com

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Fest fashion: all you need is feathers

Grinder: you’ll work it out

Rum for it: bin there, drunk that

Gutter rap: “Just resting my eyes ossifer” [Caption]

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Survive Notting Hill Carnival is party heaven for some and a mission for others – here’s how to enjoy, not endure, London’s craziest streetfest Words MiCHAEL GADD & OLI JONES

It’s Europe’s biggest street party, where the vibrant sights, sounds and delectable smells of west London’s multicultural community are celebrated by a million-plus happy revellers on the bank holiday weekend. Or, it’s a loud sea of vomit, garbage and, in worst case scenarios, blood, that’s near impossible to get home from. The Notting Hill Carnival is a divisive beast, but for the majority it’s among the most anticipated parties on London’s fest calendar.

The festival that’s run in some form since 1964, first as a peaceful rally for race relations organised by the West Indian community, boasts 300 stalls, steel drum and sound system music blaring, and an epic parade through the streets of Richard Curtis’s favourite hood. Here’s what you need to know about the eats, drinks, tunes and more…

Booze WHAT HATERS SAY: Lukewarm lager and dodgy rum punch drunk with reckless abandon by vomiting dickheads.

WHY THEY’RE WRONG: It doesn’t have to be this way. While jammed pubs serve other stuff, Carnival is all about imbibing one of two things – cans of Jamaica’s fave lager Red Stripe from an offie, convenience store or enterprising local (not exactly legal) or fruity rum punch out of a plastic garbage bin from a street vendor. Beware the punch. Some vendors are stingy on the alcohol but the 25,000 bottles of the dark stuff drunk during the day has to go somewhere, so be careful.

Easy choice: if it’s a shop, it sells Red Stripe

Food WHAT HATERS SAY: Dirty chicken sitting out all day – a great way to get Tuesday off work with an acute case of salmonella.

WHY THEY’RE WRONG: While the many stalls at Carnival with barbies look a bit rough and ready, they have to have been approved for a permit and have paid to be there. And if they’re especially dodgy, they’re shut down, fined or lose their right to be there next year. More importantly, they’re cranking out seriously tasty, spicy, Caribbean goodness that’s more than worth the risk and kicks a kebab’s butt every time – jerk chicken with rice and peas or curried goat are the musthaves, and make awesome stomach lining for that punch.

Parade WHAT HATERS SAY: A motley rabble of bodily protuberances and indistinguishable cleavages performing a bad parody of Brazil’s Carnival and clogging the roads up.

WHY THEY’RE WRONG: Primarily, such grievances are bollocks, plain and simple. London’s streets are morbidly grey almost all year round, so when Notting Hill turns London’s depressing colonial history into a celebration of its encouraging multicultural present, in a fashion more glorious and honest than any state-organised inclusivityfest, it should be applauded. The parade is the centrepiece of the whole shebang – a trail of energy, music and Londoners. As with most parade advice, get there early to get a good spot. ››

Sound system: MCs make the place jump tntMagazine.com

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16 to Cricklewood Garage 98 to Willesden Garage 332 to Brent Park N16 to Edgware N98 to Stanmore

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TUBE Latimer Road: Closes at 11.30pm.

Porta-pee: loo line-ups, a great place to meet?

27 to Chiswick Notting Hill Gate: Exit only 12pm-7pm. Circle and District 28.N28 toline Wandsworth 220 to Victoria trains will not stop and no change from Central line.52x.52y Safety and facilities 70 to South Kensington 295 Routes 6, 23, 27, 36, 52, 94, 328 to Chelsea Royal Oak: Exit only 11am-6pm. Closes at 6pm.

220, of 295 and 452 to Wandsworth WHAT Road HATERS SAY: Wear a stab148, vest,159, take205, nothing value Westbourne Park: Exit only 11am-6pm. Closes at 11.30pm.

N31 to Clapham Junction 390 are 24-hour services and you better not be shy about pissing behind a tree.

220 to Wandsworth Bayswater: Open as usual.

295 to Clapham Junction WHY THEY’RE WRONG: We can’t defend the toilet issue, but Queensway: Open as usual. when you’ve got a million or more people packed into a few Paddington, High Street Kensington, Holland Park and blocks it’s going to make a music fest look comfy. Plan your Queen’s Park are good alternatives within walking distance. toilet stops if you can (Red Stripe isn’t your friend here), as BUSES you’ll have to line up and hold your nose once you get there as the day goes on, or try your luck paying a smallish fee to The big reds won’t go into the Carnival zone but they do use the lav of one of the locals who haven’t boarded up their start from Notting Hill Gate in the south and the Prince of windows and got out of dodge. While organisers do their Wales on Harrow Road to the north. These checkpoints will best to keep rubbish under control, as the day draws on the obviously be jammed, but if you’re up for a walk along the neighbourhood looks like a tip. Get over it. route it doesn’t take long for buses to become quieter.

As for the stabby Carnival stereotype, it’s blown way out Routes servicing Carnival: 2X, 6, 7, 16, 18, 23, 27, 28, 31, 36, 36X, 46, 52, 70, 94, 98, 148, 159, 187, 205, 205X, 220, 228, 295, of proportion every year. But it’s a fact that crowds attract assholes. Police are omnipresent throughout the festival 316, 328, 332, 390, 414, 436, 436X, 452, N7, N16, N18, N28, – 7000 of them made 299 arrests last year, mostly for minor N31, N98 and N207. stuff. That was 54 more than 2011, but not bad considering DRIVING the crazy amount of people boozing in a largely unrestricted Are you mad? Roads that aren’t closed will be packed, and environment. For the most part they add to the spirit of the you can’t drive after a skinful of punch and Stripes anyway. day and are often seen tolerating being grinded on. If you’re wearing best jewellery or carrying your spare iPhone and it TAXIS goes missing, serves you right, really. ❚ La-di-da moneybags. Enjoy sitting in the traffic and paying LLA

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G W SAY: It’s just bloody noise. It sounds like 5 2 2 5 . y I 1 WHAT THE HATERS .3 G 7.18 8.N7.N18 IR EL 187 A 6.16 .32 L 6 31 A H A RR O W 98 shout an army of pubescently warbly angry men trying toR Eout N 187 414 D R OA D 7 18 31 7 .

18.23 46 HAR R O 332 into a megaphone, to a bassline RO 316 328 N7 .36 moomins screaming threats R 2 A 0 .

O N18 5X. 3 D W Warwick A D 414 STARTKENSAL ROAD RHOAARD N7.N 6X.5 that sounds likeAvenue auto-tuned N16 exploding planets.

ROW 18 2v FINISH N98 Edgware Road Edgware Road RO.N28 .52y ‘Prince of 46 WHY THEY’RE WRONG: They’re not entirely wrong, the .N 3 7W.18.23W.36W A SOUTHERN Wales’ 1 D 36X.52v.52y.205X 18 tobut Euston basslines do sound like auto-tuned exploding planets, in 1 N7.N18.N28.N3 27 to Chalk Farm WES 205 to Bow Church T WA a really good way.

That, however, takes a narrow view; like Y 205X to Aldgate Westbourne AD 7.23.36w.46 RO N18 to Trafalgar Park most 52y.159.205.332 festivals, the aural offerings at Notting Hill are as diverseSquare LBY AR S T. T I N N7.N28.N31 B to Aldwych as you could ask for.ROFromPaddington this year’s big name acts6The Marley K N C R OA D ET QUI S. K TO 7.N7 to Russell Square Royal PA R H RE plethora of16.N16 DN VIS OA D .

E A Brothers, Disclosure and Wookie, to the sound S T to Victoria T w Oak ORT D. G G R N 7w S R TW 36 R I D GD to Liverpool Street E NS 7.23 tunes,23 w. Bdrums, LE GE ES 23wsystems, steel RN ED andDELatin samba troops if you can’t 3 D 36 to New Cross U I . Q U IN W 2 W A .

R O S T IN AV R 27.36w 36w 36X to Peckham 7w H O P PR TB MB E. AD 7 EST into, maybe 295 ES GA 159.205 CA find something you’re music just isn’t for you?

RO (non-stop to Vauxhall) S I W B 23.36w B 436.N7 Ladbroke OU 52v to Victoria 46.52y.159 Things are even more varied when it27.436 comes to the cacophony of Grove RN .

E (via Marble Arch) ER V R O T R R 205.332 E (closed) CAS RNE G urne 98.N98 to Holborn TE TBOU S westbo E Notting Hill after parties taking place across London throughout E L 27 N7.N28.N31 T L W 159 to Streatham ER LVI 414 to Putney Bridge CO RA W AY the weekend. Idris Elba is hosting Liquor WEST 436And to Lewisham ESTER CE a shingdig at Love L AS L I SILCH Bayswater V ROAD W and for those having to scarper back north, The Hot Garage Carribean TO N S 2X to Norwood P PA 94 to Piccadilly Circus White Carnival will be immense fun atLancaster the O2 Academy Islington.

See RK 148 to Camberwell Green City Queensway R O A D after N 0 party 390 to Archway R 9 O O Gate tntmagazine.com for full listings. .3 T A Notting 8 R OA D .

G S 4 D Latimer Road 436X to Peckham SIN N AT E R .94.1 7 Hill Gate K E N R K GD 31.70 Wood N207 to Holborn B A Y S WX.27.52y 31.N20 PA .N 2 220 8 E 2 T Lane .N GA 228 ILL 436X H 228 G 295 ET I N NNOUT 316 2X.27.28.52x.52y.70 AVE K R l 328 94.148.328.390.436X PA D 452.N28.N31.N207 Westfield AN Bush 2X.27.28 Holland Park ONLUL E Shopping E 52x.52y Centre AVH K 70.328 Shepherd’s PA R N207 436X.452 ND 328 A Bush L L 148 HO ESCAPE ROUTES 94 N28 70 rd’s Bush N31 arket Kensal Rise

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for every second, if you’re not refused by picky cabbies. tfl.gov.uk

The Notting Hill Carnival, Sunday (family day) and Monday (adults day), August 25 & 26. thenottinghillcarnival.com

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OF THE WEEK DAISY PARKER

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GAP YEAR RULES A-level results were out last week and according to UCAS, 24,000 students will take a gap year before uni. Aside from feeling incredibly old, I am also incredibly jealous. I took a gap year (more a gap six months) after university and went to South America. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

With money tight these days, the most popular type of gap year requested by students are work experience placements abroad. With any year abroad, the main thing is to stay safe and go with a well-respected company. To that end, here are ABTA’s top tips for gappers: Choose a reputable gap year travel company with a point of contact and support should anything go wrong. Check the Foreign Office for dos and don’ts and “no go” areas for the country you’re visiting.

Make sure to find out about visa requirements for your trip.

Research the local customs and culture of your chosen destination: this is a must to keep you from getting into trouble with the authorities or offending the sometimes delicate sensibilities of locals.

Get all the jabs and inoculations necessary and sort out travel insurance (take your time to find the right policy to suit your plans). Give your CV a refresh with an eye on the kind of work you’ll be aiming for once you’re out there. Tell your bank you’re off. Also make sure to keep digital copies of all your important travel documents.

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LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

moose x-training Although I love the thought of an underground operation where the military are training moose for combat, Moose X-Training is simply the name of a boutique personal training service. Personal training is never the cheapest option, but it is the most convenient, and arguably the most effective. A Moose PT will create a bespoke programme to suit your fitness level, goals and interests, as well as adapting each session to keep you challenged.

They will also ensure you are doing the moves correctly, and therefore most effectively. Coming to your home or local park, I met my Moose trainer, Phillippe, at Victoria Park. Some 45 minutes later I had lunged, star-jumped, planked and push-upped myself into panting oblivion, but, weirdly, I enjoyed it.

Knowing the exercises I was doing were tailored for me, that I was doing them right, and that I worked as hard as I could, made my PT session far more satisfying than a regular class or gym session. Free consultation and £20 introductory session. Sessions start at £32 if you bulk buy. TNT readers are exclusively offered five sessions for the price of four. Enter ‘TNT25’ when buying 25 tokens (code valid until Sep 15, but tokens last for six months). CG

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In the dumps Has your heart just been ripped out and put in a blender? Don’t worry, there is life after dropped Words caroline garnar

What feels like shit, looks like shit and smells like shit? Well, shit. But also someone who’s just been dumped. Here’s how to turn your manure moment into roses...

Let yourself wallow Right after ‘D-Day’, allow yourself a mourning period to “weep uncontrollably in a loud snot-filled way,” so says Claire Garber, who penned the book Love Is A Thief (£7.99, amazon.co.uk) when she got dumped just before her 30th birthday.

It’s important not to let this last too long, however, and also not to mistreat yourself or others. “Don’t use external solutions such as new dates, sex, alcohol, drugs, food and so on to numb you or give you an upper,” says author and founder of relationship website baggagereclaim.co.uk, Natalie Lue. “It’s important to acknowledge how you feel, but also to know that this will pass.“

Cut all contact ‘Staying friends’ with your ex is a no-no. ”You will end up auditioning for the

relationship under the guise of ‘friendship’ and basically trying to prove your worth,” Lue says. “You can only be true friends with someone who you are no longer in love with. Anything else will open you up to a great deal of hurt.”

Of course with the delight that is Facebook, even if you cease contact with your ex, you still get to see what a “great time” they are having without you. The solution to that is easy – de-friend them, or at least hide them from your news feed.

And remember, no contact means NO SEX. “Don’t allow your ex to downgrade you to casual,” Lue says. “Not only are you giving them the fringe benefits of the relationship without the commitment or the care, but you’re also going to come crashing down with a horrible feeling of neglect and rejection.”

Get your life back “Make a list of all the things you didn’t get to do because of your relationship,” advises Garber. “Any hobbies you stopped doing, an opportunity you said no to, the date you

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Down time: wallow for a bit, but don’t expect to find happiness down the back of the couch turned down with the hot Argentinian from the pub. Maybe you lost your skinny and your relationship made you a little bit fat?

Go out there and steal back all the things love stole from you. Become a love pirate.”

Lue agrees: “Keeping busy by meeting up with friends, trying out new activities and enjoying your own company helps to soothe you through this difficult time and also creates new memories.”

Accept it and move on “Remember that the relationship is broken, you’re not,” Lue says. Don’t blame yourself and don’t look at your ex through rosetinted glasses. ”You will struggle to move on because all of your self-esteem will be

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Lord of the lies Beware the trap of the arsehole landlord. TNT finds out how to avoid them and what to do if you have one Words caroline garnar

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Renting in London is the favoured option for expats – and anyone who doesn’t have a spare half-a-million quid knocking about.

But it can feel like there are villainous landlords lurking behind every door, ready to trick you into parting with your hardearned cash before going AWOL at the first sign of trouble (probably escaping into their underground lair).

It’s particularly rife at this time of year as, according to data from Gumtree.com, rental scams peak in September in the last-minute dash for new term or new job accommodation. Luckily, there are now government schemes and accreditation bodies in place to protect tenants’ rights. The important thing is to make sure everything is bona fide before you sign on the line...

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Leaked money: landlords must fix problems, unless they’re the tenant’s fault

[Caption] you should check that they are a member of an official landlord association. You should also ask to see proof of ownership before handing over any money.

Landlords should also provide the necessary certificates and documentation, such as the EPC (Energy Performance Certificate), gas certificate and electrical safety check. And, of course, always read the contract carefully.

“Some landlords have no idea how to legally let a property,” says Kate Faulkner, managing director of independent property advice site propertychecklists.co.uk.

“They are usually the ones with a poorly written agreement with mistakes in it, no gas safety certificate or EPC and no electric checks and they won’t have an inventory

Be a scam detector It sounds obvious, but make sure you view the property first. Photos can be misleading, or the person who is claiming to be the landlord may not even own the property.

Make sure you meet with the agent or landlord and view the property in person.

It can be tempting to rent directly from a landlord in order to avoid expensive agency fees, however, accredited agents (bodies include ARLA, NAL and NLA) will carry out important background checks on the landlord, so it could save you a lot of money and stress in the long run. They will also protect your deposit and rent with a client money protection account.

If you do deal directly with the landlord,

Read, don’t weep: go over your contract thoroughly done. They won’t protect your deposit and they will likely want to work on a cash basis so it’s untraceable to the tax man. If you avoid properties let this way, you are likely to do OK.”

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LIFESTYLEliving The rent trap: dodgy landlord activity peaks this time of year

your view sam

westenberger

Accountant, 24 “After university I was living in a sort of dodgy spot and the landlord was really bad at doing maintenance on the place. I ended up doing a lot of the work myself.”

dan

holland Student,

22

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Who will fix it?

As much as the landlord is responsible for the property, you are too. Indeed, there are certain areas that you are financially liable for. “It is the tenant’s responsibility to take care of the immediate property, like the walls, floorboards and so on, and they must pay for any damages; but it is the landlord’s duty to repair damage to the structure of the property, as well as the common parts of the building, like the garden or staircase,” Jonathan Hudson, founder of Hudson’s Property, tells TNT. “This may vary in cases where the landlord has transferred responsibility for some maintenance to the tenant in return for cheaper rent.”

So it’s important to be clear about this when signing the contract.

The landlord is also responsible for utilities, such as the boiler and kitchen appliances, if they came with the property. If something breaks and the landlord is uncontactable or refuses to pay, contact the agent who rented you the property. “They should help you seek legal advice, or you can go to Citizens Advice or somewhere like Landlord Law (landlordlaw.co.uk),” says Faulkner.

Make sure you document the problem – with photos and copies of the emails you have sent your landlord, and also check your contract for the time frame the landlord has to fix any issues before pursuing it. “If the landlord still won’t do anything your next port of call should be your local council,” Spareroom.co.uk’s Matt Hutchinson says.

“They may be able to inspect the property

and, especially if the issue poses a health and safety risk, can get involved.”

Getting your deposit back If you have done things properly and you have an assured Shorthold Tenancy Agreement, by law your deposit should be protected by the Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme. “In the case of disputes, the scheme will hold the deposit until it’s resolved,” says Hutchinson. “If your landlord didn’t use a scheme they can be fined up to three times the amount of the deposit.”

If you are renting a room rather than a property, however, you may not be protected, so it’s about making sure you don’t give your landlord any excuse to keep any of your deposit. “One mistake tenants often make is not paying their last month’s rent in lieu of having their deposit returned – you should do this as you can end up breaching your contract,” advises Faulkner.

“Also, issues tend to arise if you differ in your opinion of what is ‘good condition’.

In the main, the best way to avoid problems is to meet with the landlord – and/or the letting agent – once you have cleared everything out and go around the property together with NEXT WEEK the inventory and agree between you what’s owed Snow jobs: or what needs paying Work abroad in Canada for on the day.”

LANDLORD HORROR STORIES

“My landlord is horrible at collecting rent at the right time. He just seems to pop in whenever he fancies looking for money. It’s kind of a hassle, but not too bad.”

mark

vernon Sales rep,

25 “I’ve actually never had a difficult landlord, but I imagine I’d just leave him angry voicemails. I’m not good at being a hard-ass, so I don’t really know how I’d deal with it.”

YOUR VIEW FROM facebook.com/tntmag

Teresa Walsh: Had two years of leaking roof – grew mushrooms under the carpet – not good ones!

And had drunken texts from letting agent on weekends. Took it to tenancy tribunal and after eight months got £100 compensation.

Louise Gibney: Moved in to a room in a house the landlord lived in. Then the washing machine disappeared; the wi-fi disappeared; the furniture disappeared – my DVD player went walkabout. I moved out and he only gave me £200 of the £300 deposit back. I said he’d likely get a £1k fine for not registering with Deposit Protection Scheme.

He texted me to come back for the balance. I’ve not heard from him again.

tntmagazine.com/worst-landlords

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POSITION: We want you! Ministry of Paintball is recruiting for our summer/spring promotions team. If you love travel, flexibility, sunshine and earning loads of money, give us a call now!

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Kat Dillon | kat@ministryofpaintball.com | 020 7415 7003

CHARLES TYRWHITT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Customer Service Representative Location: Shepherds Bush, West London Salary: £18,500

Ministry of Paintball, regarded as the world’s

T: 0208 735 1072 www.ctshirts.co.uk Founded in 1986; Charles Tyrwhitt is a quintessential British multi-channel retailer selling men’s and women’s shirts and other clothing.

An office bound role, responsible for receiving calls from customers, liaising via email, white mail and web chat. We are passionate about providing our customers with award-winning WORLD CLASS customer service and the best shopping experiences.

Caroline Robertson | 0208 735 1072 | caroline.robertson@ctshirts.co.uk

DIRTY MARTINI

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bartenders and Bar Backs Location: City of London Salary: Competitive

T: 0844 371 2550 www.cgrestaurants.com Dirty Martini is a sparkling, fun, sophisticated slice of London life located at some of the

You’ll be in your element in a busy, fast moving, fun environment. A team player, you’ll also be driven, confident and hardworking with cocktail bar experience and superior customer service.

capital’s premier addresses.

recruitment@cgrestaurants.com

BERNERS TAVERN RESTAURANT & BAR

JOB OF THE WEEK: Waiter/ess / Bar Tenders

www.EDITIONhotels.com

Salary: Competitive hourly rates, plus service charge.

This gastronomic gem under the direction of Executive Chef Jason Atherton boasts 140 covers, serving guests for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

MONOCLE T:0207 725 4343 www.monocle.com Monocle is a premium media brand and global magazine.

THE DINER T: 07557 124 922 www.goodlifediner.com A fun expanding group of American diners serving all aspects of American food from burgers and pancakes to some new southern classics.

Location: Berners Tavern Restaurant & Bar, London POSITION: Berners Tavern are currently looking for waiters and waitresses.

LondonJobs@EDITIONhotels.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Monocle Café Manager Location: Monocle Café, Marylebone, London, W1U 7QA Salary: Based on experience, £25,000 POSITION: We are seeking someone extraordinary to manage the Monocle Café’s slick and speedy operation with confidence and ambition. Working with an excellent team, the energetic candidate will have extensive experience in operating an independent cafe.

Jessica Harris | 020 7725 4351 | jh@monocle.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: chefs of all levels Location: Central London Salary: Depends on experience POSITION: We are looking for chefs of all levels to join this fun dynamic group.

You must be able to work under pressure and deliver food to the highest quality. lizzy@goodlifediner.com | 07557124922

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

JOBS

Peach Nursing Limited are currently recruiting live-in/residential carers for positions in London.

We currently have vacancies for long-term, residential single placement posts with days off each week.

We are specifically interested in applications from experienced carers with up to date training certificates.

You will be required to provide evidence of your experience and training undertaken in your role as a carer, and two referees who will be able to provide an assessment of your suitability for the post.

Successful applicants will be provided with; • A competitive rate of pay • Days off each week • Further on-going training and support ESSENTIAL Requirements; • 2 years (minimum) ongoing care experience • Evidence of up to date training • An excellent command of English - written and spoken • Good communication skills • Presentable, reliable and professional • Exude strong work ethics Peach Nursing offer good rates of pay for Residential Carers to work in Central, N and NW London. We specialise in Domiciliary Care and currently have clients looking for residential support of the highest calibre; If you meet the criteria above, please forward your CV to us TODAY; office@peachnursing.com

For a better life www.whc.uk.com

Live-in Care Workers Locations are UK national

To provide care and support for the elderly and young vulnerable adults in their own homes.

Variety of work patterns available: Week on and week off • One to three month stays.

Experienced staff required covering older persons with dementia younger adults with physical disabilities.

If you are self-motivated, organised, flexible and caring to the needs of others, then, please come and join us!

Successful candidates will enjoy: • Flexible working patterns • Full In-house certificated training • Paid mandatory training • Excellent pay rates • Good terms and conditions • 28 Holiday days paid.

For an application form, immediate interview or a chat please contact Viv Hamilton or Trevor Smith on 01322 311311 or trevor.smith@whc.uk.com We are an equal opportunities employer.

Award winning, Michelin starred restaurant requires

CHEF DE PARTIE

If you are interested in working with great food and in an energetic, friendly team please email your CV to patra@latrompette.co.uk

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

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Photos: Getty. Interview: Brett Murphy

drive a hard bargain If you’re heading for Europe for your hols it’s worth renting a car so you can explore as much as possible. Rent one with Europcar when you book your easyJet flight and you‘ll get a car for seven days but only pay for five, available at all easyJet airport destinations. Book via cars.easyjet.com. travel vip-stylee The TNT Travel Show is a must if you’re looking for your next adventure, with ideas, exclusive offers and discounts available. And myTNT VIPs will get fasttrack entry, free tickets to the after party and a goodie bag worth £30.

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LIFESTYLEMONEY

Job Student From Chicago Lives Camden Town How do you budget?

Whenever I go shopping, especially for groceries, I’ll go in with a set amount of cash and as long as I stay under that each week, I do fine.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

I look for student discounts everywhere I go. There are a lot more deals than you might think.

What was your last big blowout?

I just took a weekend trip to Ireland.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Clothes. And random fancy restaurants. If I happen to be in a nice neighborhood and I’m hungry, I just can’t help it.

how THEY spend it!

Sail away from it all Rather than go into hiding after his recent scandal, daddyto-be Simon Cowell continued as “normal” by boarding a £300,000-a-week yacht for his summer holiday this month.

❚ Steven Spielberg’s bespoke boat, said to be worth around £130m, has a 15ft glass wall that can be converted into a cinema screen. He’d be wise not to play Jaws on it, mind you.

Smug: the cat that got the yacht

❚ When he’s not using it, Johnny Depp rents out his 156ft-long yacht for €90,000 (£77.5k) per week. Sleeping in the bed that Depp dreams in? We would pay double that, if we had it.

Do more Spend less

❚ Tiger Woods put his 155ft, £16m yacht up for sale after his ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, rejected it as part of her divorce settlement. We would say she was mad, but then again she could buy four with the £64m she walked away with. ❚ Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’s blingin’ £42m yacht has a 10-member staff on hand to ‘bake cookies’, among other things...

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WORLDVIEW

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Finger-licking good: bugs

locust jus and bee larvae on the menu united kingdom

Do honey caterpillar canapes and burnt bee larvae have you salivating?

Then you’re in luck – a new pop-up restaurant specialising in insects is opening in London.

Eat Ento kicked off with a threenight run last week, serving the likes of consomme of grasshopper dumplings with locust jus, in a bid to make creepy-crawlies a regular addition to diets in the West.

One of the founders, Julene Aguirre, 27, said: “We believe insect dishes could be a regular sight in your local supermarket by 2020.” Hmm, not sure we’d agree. tweets of the week @hipstermermaid Hey girl, are you calculus? Because you’re hard to understand and seem pretty useless in the greater scope of my life goals @meganamram Pandora thinking I want to hear a Coldplay song should count as cyberbullying @trevso_electric I believe in love at 1st sight or as science calls it, ‘boners’

thieves’ quiche craving sparks siege united kingdom

Ever felt so hungry it made you do crazy things? That’s exactly what happened to two thieves when they fancied a slice of quiche.

The knife-wielding thugs were involved in a lengthy stand-off with police when they barricaded themselves into a cafe after making their way there for a piece of the eggy-cheese dish.

The peckish burglars broke into Cafe@ Marshalls in Berwick-upon-Tweed, 40

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The Big Boss: a wax figure of Bruce Lee arrives at the Chinese Garden of Friendship in Sydney to mark the 40th anniversary of the actor’s death

Northumberland, in the early hours, apparently to get their hands on some food. But when police surrounded the premises, they armed themselves with knives and a five-hour siege ensued.

Angela Marshall, who runs the cafe, said: “Apparently they were hungry and wanted some quiche. There was a little bit of money in the till, but I think they just wanted food and then it got out of hand.”

Eventually officers were able to talk the pair of raiders out and they were arrested on suspicion of aggravated burglary.

nein to crazy golf hitler statue united kingdom

A crazy golf course has come under fire for having models of Adolf Hitler and

Saddam Hussein on its nine-hole set.

A Hitler statue on the course raises its right arm in a Nazi salute and shouts “Nein, nein, nein” when a golf ball is hit through its tunnel by players.

Another hole depicts an animated statue of former Iraqi dictator Hussein.

Michael Samuels, of the Board of Deputies of British Jews, called the Hitler figure “tasteless” and said it has “absolutely no artistic value whatsoever”.

The course is part of an art installation, called Doug Fishbone And Friends: Adventureland Golf, and has been designed by some of the UK’s most celebrated contemporary artists.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 15

Value, in thousands of dollars, of a diamond ring found by American Michael Dettlaff, who gets to keep it

Weight, in kgs, of Russell Kimble from Kent, who survived a flesh-eating bug because he was so fat

Looking for loo-ve? Toilet dating

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TOILET DATING – A FLASH IN THE PAN?

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Amount, in billions of dollars, binge drinking costs the States every year in health and productivity losses

UNITED KINGDOM

If your love life is going down the can, you may as well give this latest dating event a go.

Toilet Dating has been launched by quirky site DoingSomething.co.uk. It’s a pub crawl with a crappy twist – singletons are led around London with stops at toilets of historical note along the way. Taking place the first Friday of every month, thankfully it’s free to join in.

Founder Matt Janes said: “Nothing would be more awkward than having a first date in a toilet… until now.”

Dunny poo-poo it, ‘til you’ve tried it ... It’ll leave you feeling flushed ... You’d be potty not to give it a go ... Don’t be a porcelain princess ... We’ll get our coats.

WOMAN DRIVES 300KM WHILE ASLEEP

Photos: Getty; AAP; Thinkstock; Do Something

NEW ZEALAND

A woman drove 300km from Hamilton to Mount Mauganui near Auckland while asleep at the wheel.

The unnamed driver suffers from bouts of sleepwalking and had been prescribed heavy-duty pills after being caught sleepdriving 10 months ago.

However, oddly, she appears to have taken her medication before getting into her car. A friend who saw the woman driving off alerted police.

Tracking her phone, officers found not

Age, in years, of remains found in bog in Ireland, thought to be the oldest body in the world – predating Tutankhamun

Not so cute: flesh-eating cats only was she asleep, but she was texting.

They discovered her outside a house she used to live in. Sergeant Dave Litton said: “The potential for tragedy was huge.”

CATS EAT RECLUSE WOMAN’S BODY UNITED KINGDOM

A dead cat lover’s pet ate away at her body, which lay undiscovered in her home for weeks.

Recluse Janet Veal’s moggies were forced to munch on her after she died, leaving them with no food for three months. Neighbours alerted police after noticing a build-up of mail and realised they hadn’t seen Veal, 56, for some time.

Officers broke in and found dead cats and dogs. Veal’s body was in the kitchen.

Southampton Coroner Keith Wiseman said: “It was clear that certain parts of Mrs Veal’s body were missing and had, the officer formed the view, effectively been gnawed and eaten away by the animals.”

4000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK No one is the suppository of all wisdom Liberal leader Tony Abbott makes a not-tobe-forgotten gaffe on the election trail in Australia

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A SHARK CAGE DIVE IN SOUTH AFRICA TNT and Shark Cage Diving KZN have teamed up to give one lucky reader and three of their friends an unforgettable cage diving experience with sharks, which will take place from Rocky Bay, Park Rynie, South Africa.

The group will get together at 7am at the launch site, where you’ll be briefed about the surf and safety. Then you’ll head off to the dive site, which is an 8km ride with stunning views of the coastline.

There are normally anything from five to 20 sharks swimming around you on one of Shark Cage Diving KZN’s dives. You’ll also get a look at the area’s shark nets and undertake surface viewing of sharks from the boat.

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Promising: Abbott and Rudd at last week’s first TV debate

Politicians should be made to keep election promises

Photo: Getty

Despite the fast-flowing gaffe count, it’s an important time for Oz Elections are great fun, and highly entertaining, as the prospective candidates lurch from one gaffe-laden disaster to another, firing off soundbites and promises as they journey from one group of well-chosen listeners to the next. But the erroneous choices of words mask that this is a highly serious business and that all the promises these politicians make should be kept.

Tony Abbott has admittedly endured a few weeks that put even George ‘Dubya’ Bush and his famous utterances, or ‘Bushims’ as they were swiftly coined, to shame. He became an international laughing stock after he got his words muddled up and described his opponent, Kevin Rudd, as not being the “suppository of all wisdom”. The memes and jokes swiftly followed – know your enema; images of Abbott as Lord Of The Rings’ Gollum ‘squeezing out a policy’. Needless to say, Abbott’s authority immediately evaporated.

And this was not an isolated incident. He had already been accused of sexism, quite rightly, after he described Liberal candidate Fiona Scott as having “sex appeal”, a comment he later brushed off as stemming from his being “a bit exuberant”. And he had casually dismissed same-sex marriage as being nothing more than “the fashion of the moment”, a comment some say shows his disdain for the gay community.

Rudd has promised that should he be re-elected at next month’s polls, he will introduce a same-sex marriage bill within 100 days of his win. A fine promise, one which would move Australia forward into the present day rather than wallowing in such narrow-mindedness.

But it is a pledge he should be made to keep. Too often promises are made, then in predictable political fashion, abandoned. Just look at Nick Clegg’s grovelling apology after he reneged on his assurance before the last election that he would vote against any rise in university tuition fees. Promises made to garner votes should be kept – make it a law, even – as behind all the media pouting the future of a nation is on the line here. » Agree or disagree? Should pollies be forced to keep promises? letters@tntmagazine.com

DRIED BEER IS ON ITS WAY HERE Dried food has been around for ages, but now a company in the United States is about to launch sachets of powdered beer – just add water for an instant bevvie.

Alaskan company Pat’s Backcountry Beverages will launch next month a pale and dark ale dried beer, available in four packs, providing an instant and incredibly light alco-drink when packing for that weekend in the great outdoors.

The beer concentrate, the company promises, “contains all the great flavour, alcohol, and aroma of a premium quality microbrew”, only it doesn’t come with the 95 per cent water that makes up beer.

“

Just add water for an instant bevvie

”

So with your freeze-dried chicken tikka masala or roast dinner, you can now make yourself a pint at the campsite, though quite how close to the real thing this new powdered brew tastes remains to be seen.

After all, Diet Coke doesn’t quite taste just like the real thing, does it?

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

43

Innocent victims?

As two travellers claim they were forced into smuggling drugs, TNT looks at other famous cases WORDS CAROL DRIVER If their stories prove to be true, the two British women allegedly found attempting to smuggle £1.5m of cocaine into Peru last week were targeted by an organised crime gang, and forced into carrying the packages. Drug mules Melissa Reid and Michaella McCollum Connolly claim they had loaded guns held to their heads and were told to traffic the white powder or they would be killed. They were robbed of their passports and mobiles and followed by members of a violent drugs cartel on board flights from Ibiza to Peru. Reid, 19, from Scotland, and Connolly, 20, from Northern Ireland, say they were recruited while working on the Spanish party island – prompting police to issue a warning to other travellers heading to Ibiza this summer.

One officer told the Daily Mirror that it’s not an isolated incident: “In the past six months we have seen young girls being targeted in Spain and sent to Peru to take drugs back.

“From what we know from recent cases the mules are often shown a great time while they are out there [Spain] and many of them are actually supplied drugs for free. It’s only after a few weeks it’s explained to them in no uncertain terms that nothing is for free. They are then manipulated, threatened and abused into doing these runs. It is a line of investigation we are looking in to with Reid and Connolly.”

The two women were found with 11kg of cocaine as they tried to board a plane at Jorge Chavez International Airport in Lima heading to Majorca, from where police believe they were trying to move the shipment to Majorca via Madrid.

They are due to appear at a preliminary court hearing in Lima. They face lengthy prison sentences if found guilty – and could be waiting three years just for the case to go to trial. Connolly said: “I didn’t realise drugs were so big here but it happens all the time. The police have said they see girls like us all the time. We’ve resigned ourselves to the fact that we’re not going home soon and are doing jail time here. We’ll take responsibility for what was found on us but 44

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we didn’t do it of our free will, we didn’t have a choice.”

They’re not the first alleged drug smugglers to claim innocence. Here, TNT looks at other famous cases.

Schapelle Corby The 36-year-old hit the headlines last week after rumours circulated she would be released from jail – something Bali prison officials strongly denied. Having been holed up in Gusti Ngurah Wiratna for the past nine years, Corby was jailed after being found with 4.2kg of cannabis in her bodyboard bag at Ngurah Rai International Airport in Denpasar in 2004. The ex-beauty student’s trial was reported on around the world – with much opposition over the length of her sentence and the questionable judicial process. Corby

“

They are manipulated into doing these runs

”

has always maintained her innocence – claiming that the drugs were planted in her bag during transit.

Despite pleas from the defence, the prosecution argued against fingerprinting the bag of hash; they also refused to work out the weight of Corby’s bag when it was checked in with four others at Brisbane airport, to see whether it had gained 4.2kg en route – which would back up Corby’s defence. As far as Balinese officials were concerned, Corby was found with cannabis in her possession, so she was guilty.

After being spared death by firing squad, Corby was jailed for 20 years – in 2012, that term was slashed by five years, meaning she has been eligible to apply for parole since last year. Responding to stories that Corby could soon be

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Kiwi Armstrong is expected to be released from an Argentinian prison this year with good behaviour. The former deputy chief executive at the Maori Language Commission was arrested in 2011 with 5kg of cocaine – then worth NZ$1.25m – in a false bottom in her suitcase in Buenos Aires. She was attempting to board a flight to London. Her defence was that she was making her way to meet her new partner, who had asked her to pick up a bag for him en route. She was jailed for four years and 10 months, and has written a blog throughout her sentence.

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Sharon Armstrong

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Like Reid and Connolly, Australian teacher Dalziel claims she was carrying packages for someone else when in 2005 she was found with 4kg of heroin then worth US$1.3m in Mauritius. She was arrested on arrival from Nairobi, and despite pleading not guilty, the then 52-year-old was jailed for 28 years for drug trafficking – meaning she’ll be 80 by the time she’s released. Dalziel continues to maintain she was targeted and used as a decoy for the real smugglers. “Having regard to the huge amount of heroin, the manner in which it was hidden and its street value of 40 million Mauritius rupees, I find that she is a trafficker,” Judge Paul Lam Shang Leen wrote in his case report.

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Susan Dalziel

TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency and the service it offers to visa applicants. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK, New Zealand and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine. com/ukba. In March 2013, it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that:

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released, her lawyer, Iskandar Nawing, said he was waiting for word from immigration department officials who are yet to provide a letter clarifying her immigration status, which is needed before she applies for parole.

“We’re still waiting for green light from the immigration officials. When they’ve given signal that it’s OK, then we’ll go ahead,” he said. If Corby fails to win parole, the latest sentence cut if confirmed would mean the earliest she could walk free from Kerobokan jail is mid-2015.

••

Innocent?: (clockwise from top) Connolly and Reid; the packages allegedly found in their luggage; Schapelle Corby

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition.

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SPORTNEWS

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sinfield talks world and challenge cups rugby league

The world’s best player last year will be on the sidelines this weekend as Wigan take on Hull FC in the Challenge Cup final at Wembley. But in a couple of short months Kevin Sinfield will get his chance again on the hallowed London turf when both World Cup semi-finals are held there on November 23.

The Leeds and England skipper who won the 2012 Golden Boot will be part of a Rugby League World Cup promotion this Friday when the code takes over Trafalgar Square from 11am-3pm, so it seemed only logical to ask for his impartial view on Saturday’s big one and how the Poms are shaping up ahead of hosting their World Cup. Wigan take on Hull FC in the Challenge Cup final this weekend – how do you see it shaping up? It’s a really tough one to call – both teams are capable of winning. If Hull can show the same form they did against Warrington (in the semi-final) they’re a chance.

It’s important for Wigan to get [Sam] Tompkins and [captain Sean] O’Loughlin back. I‘m going to sit on the fence – the team who plays best on the day will win, the way we want it.

Wembley is the undisputed home of football – what does it mean to rugby league players when they play there?

Traditionally, it’s important in this country. You always strive to play there in big games. Anything there is a great sporting occasion, and the Challenge Cup is no exception. To get the opportunity to play on the big stage, in such a stadium, is awesome. I feel very fortunate to have played in a few of them, albeit getting second prize in 46

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‘Captain Fantastic’: one of Leeds superstar Sinfield’s many names a lot of them. It’s a great thing to be involved in, and there’s not many sports around the world where you can fill a whole stadium with supporters of a bunch of different teams and everyone has a great time.

You must be looking forward to hosting a World Cup at home, with the opening match in Cardiff against Australia and the semi-finals back to back at Wembley… Ticket sales have been great and it’s just around the corner now. People within league are interested and I’d like to think those outside will take notice – it is the largest sporting event to take place in this country this year. Both semi-finals there will be huge, so hopefully we can fill it and put on a real show for everyone. I’m sure the four teams there will play their part and make it a great festival of rugby league.

Is this the year England stop Australia or New Zealand from winning it?

I’d love to say yeah. There’s a lot to happen before then, and we don’t know what the make up of the squad is going to be like. We don’t know what injuries we’re going to have, but I’d love to say yeah. It’d be a great shot in the arm for British rugby league. It’d be great to jump on the back of the legacy that was left by the Olympics – if England was good enough to win the World Cup it would have a great impact on participation and the profile of the sport. That’s what we all want. rlwc2013.com

Hull enforcer: Gareth Ellis

Wigan points machine: Pat Richards

road to wembley Tetley’s Challenge Cup Final Saturday, August 24, Wembley Stadium.

Kick-off 3pm. Broadcast live on BBC One

WIGAN WARRIORS R4: Leigh Centurians (Championship) 60-10 R5: Hull KR (Super League) 14-46 QF: Widnes Vikings (Super League) 48-4 SF: London Broncos (Super League) 70-0

HULL FC R4: North Wales (Championship) 62-6 R5: Wakefield Trinity (Super League) 24-6 QF: Catalan Dragons (Super League) 24-13 SF: Warrington Wolves (Super League) 16-12

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THE ASHES 2013

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TNT’s extensive Ashes coverage as the Aussies fight to save the series Ramp it up: Jodie Fields is going from Test to limited overs mode

PREVIEW WOMEN’S ASHES GET THEIR DAY AT LORD’S ENGLAND V AUSTRALIA

TUE, 10.45AM, LORD’S The Southern Stars will take some confidence into their opening one-day match of their Ashes series against England, after declaring twice in a bid to force a result in their one-off Test.

Jodie Fields’ Australian side batted well in both innings of the Test at Wormsley last week but it fizzled to a draw courtesy of some stoic work from the hosts. The nonresult means both sides are on two points in the multi-format series going into three one-dayers and three Twenty20 clashes (each format has six points up for grabs).

The coloured clothing comes out first on Tuesday at Lord’s (tickets are £14, available at lords.org) followed by 50-over matches at the Sussex County Ground at Hove on Friday and Sunday.

Although disappointed her side couldn’t take all of the Test points on offer, it’s highly unlikely there’ll be a stalemate in the series once all games are done and dusted.

“Every match is vital, so even though it’s a drawn Test it’s down to the rest of the series now, and every match is as important as the other,” Fields said.

The Twenty20s will be played at Chelsfield on Aug 27, Southampton on Aug 29 and Durham on Aug 31.



Full reports on every session



All the latest Ashes news

   

Photo galleries Opinions & blogs Bluffer’s guides One-eyed rants

Photos: Getty

TV HIGHLIGHTS FOOTBALL

FOOTBALL

Fulham v Arsenal

Match Of The Day

Premier League action in London Sat, 12.45pm, BT Sport

Back into the Premier League routine Sat, 10.30pm, BBC One

FORMULA ONE

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Belgian Grand Prix

South Sydney v Bulldogs

The 11th race of the F1 Championship Sun, 11.30am, Sky Sports; 12.10pm, BBC

Friday Night Footy in the morning Fri, 10.30am, Premier Sports

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47

Barmy barracks The famed Army of English cricket fans formed when their team was crap – has Ashes success changed them?

WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Spiritual leader: Vic Flowers

With England an unbeatable 3-0 up ahead of the final Test series at the Oval on Wednesday, the Barmy Army will be out in force. It’s a vastly different picture to when the devoted fanbase first formed in 1994-95, and through to the Noughties, when England were largely Australia’s whipping boys. The contrasting results of the eras make no difference to co-founder Paul Burnham.

“It was so normal for the Brits,” says Burnham, 48, who started the Army with mates Dave Peacock and Gareth Evans.

“We support our team regardless. It’s always been about looking on the bright side of life and making the most of every little victory – a 50, a hat-trick or a partnership from the tail. The Aussie fans couldn’t understand it. They were so used to winning.”

There wasn’t a chance to do otherwise – the Aussies had won the Ashes since 1989 and went on to win series in 1997, 1998-99, 2001 and 2002-03. But the Barmies kept singing.

The tide turned in 2005 with a two-run win at Edgbaston, which Burnham reckons changed everything. “After then I think England certainly gained a psychological edge,” he says. England could outplay the dominant Aussies. “I think [the 5-0 whitewash in] 2006-07 would have happened either way, with the amazing side Australia had, but I think in ‘05 we realised that with some positive cricket and the crowd getting behind them, they could be a force. I’ve never known an atmosphere like that – I guess there was something like it in 1981 when [Ian] Botham did his magic, but ‘05 was remarkable for the atmosphere. I will never forget that.”

Whether winning a tight one or getting pasted away from home, the Barmy Army attitude never wavers. “When we go away from an English winter we go to some very nice countries – the subcontinent, Caribbean, Australia. We’ve paid a lot of money to support the team, but wouldn’t let our whole trip be decided by the way they go on the pitch.”

The Barmy Army bans negative chat at the ground – 48

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Burnham wasn’t a fan of Mitchell Johnson jibe, He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, Mitchell Johnson your bowling is shite. “Discuss it in the bar,” Burnham says of anything other than encouragement. And no favourites.

“Everybody’s your favourite. We started supporting a team that was losing and giving 100 per cent, and that’s all we ask of the team, regardless of the result,” he adds.

“

I like anything witty, without swear words

”

As winners though, and with new blood always arriving as part of what is now a significant business venture as well as a fan facilitating group, some need to be reminded of where the Army comes from. “I get worried about some of the younger guys who are getting too used to England winning, and they’re a bit critical, so we have to remind them what it’s about. On the whole, the Barmy Army ethos is there.”

Their philosophy aside, the Barmies are best remembered by those who’ve shared a ground with them for songs.

Their chants of “We’ve got three dollars to the pound” have expired with exchange rates, but they continue to add to their songbook. Unfortunately for them, the best new addition to the repertoire – about Ashton Agar to the tune of Black Lace’s Agadoo – is redundant after the young spinner was dropped and is unlikely to feature at the Oval.

“The songs have got cleverer over time,” Burnham says.

“They’re important because no one wants to hear ‘En-gerland’ any more than they want to hear ‘Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi’ over and over again. And on tour, six hours a day for five Tests is an awful lot of time to come up with something.

New Players Wanted Kingston Rugby Club is a friendly successful rugby club that welcomes players from all over the world.

We have excellent coaching, training, player support and facilities.

This season we are expanding the number of teams we run and are looking to recruit new players of all abilities. We are also looking to recruit additional team managers.

Photos: Getty

In tune: Billy ‘the Trumpet’ Cooper just wants to add to the atmosphere

I like anything that’s witty, without any swear words in it.”

One member of the group never likely to be heard swearing on crowd cam is Billy ‘the Trumpet’ Cooper. He became a regular fixture when he spotted a Barmy Army member in Antigua with a trumpet he had lost in a taxi in Barbados on England’s tour of the Caribbean in 2004.

“It was a bit of a novelty one with a blue bell, so I recognised it,” Cooper says. “When I said ‘That’s mine,’ they said, ‘Play us a tune to prove it.’ I played The Great Escape, which is why I always start with that one now. Paul came over and said, ‘That was fantastic, can you come and do it tomorrow?’ And it all went from there.”

Burnham says Cooper’s “an invaluable asset” in getting the crowd going in the same direction. “He’s got comic timing, he’s a very thoughtful guy, Billy,” he says. “He doesn’t rock up pissed playing trumpet, he’s a professional player and takes pride in what he does.”

Controversy rocked the Army when Cooper wasn’t allowed to take his horn into Trent Bridge for the first Test due to “health and safety” concerns, much to the disappointment of Kevin Pietersen, Graeme Swann and Stuart Broad, who were among a chorus of players saying he should be allowed in. And as Burnham says, “the Barmy Army’s not needed at Lord’s”. But at Old Trafford and Chester-le-Street, Billy’s featured heavily. David Warner even praised his choice of the Rocky theme when he came out.

“It’s not about giving a trumpet recital, it’s about adding some variety to the day and helping the singing be a bit more in tune than it might be,” he says. “England crowds like to have a sing-song anyway. There’s nothing wrong with quiet times either, but the times when the energy needs to be picked up a bit present themselves fairly obviously.”

“I’m careful for it not to be all about the trumpet, though.

The last thing I’d want is to take anything away from the cricket. That and people having a good time is what matters.”

For further information: headcoach@kingstonrfc.com | 0781 585 4628

Where’s Billy? The horn among the hordes

WHY’S Billy PLAYING THAT? and other barmy songs Watching the Ashes at the ground or on TV, you hear familiar tunes but may not have a clue why it’s being played or what the red and whites are singing.

Rocky theme: Makes sense when David Warner comes out.

Ring Of Fire: He’s Matty Prior, He’s Matty Prior.

Only Fools And Horses: For Johnathan Trott. Guess why.

Neighbours, Home & Away, I Should Be So Lucky: Billy plays Kylie, Jason and soapie themes for the Aussies.

Yellow Submarine: “You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony … ” God Save The Queen: They might just be singing the national anthem, or the Aussie specific version, “God save your gracious Queen, long live your noble…”

Rudy: The Specials’ song “A message to you Rooty” for Joe. Ding Dong Merrily On High: Great for Xmas and Ian Bell.

My Old Man’s A Dustman: A special occasion when this is sung for Graeme Swann. Features the closing line, “Never cut a spinner or pat a burning dog.”

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Good job: Chris Rogers shows selectors it’s not that hard to give Nathan Lyon a bit of support

Lyon gets kick in guts when he should be patted on back Selectors dangle axe over Lyon after excellent Test performance

» Agree or disagree? Has Lyon been kicked in the guts? letters@tntmagazine.com 52

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How good was that?! Actual players running around on fields with a round ball, goals, some controversy etc – for a moment it drowned out that incessant transfer chatter we’ve had all summer.

The big deals are far from done, but when we went to press this is what has happened in the biggest ones – Gareth Bale plays for Spurs, Luis Suarez plays for Liverpool (when his suspension for biting Ivanovic is over in five games anyway) and Wayne Rooney plays for Man United.

Nothing’s changed. You’d think this not-so merry annual dance of players

“

Suarez, Rooney, Bale – nothing’s changed

”

trying to get out of contracts they signed is getting old, but far from it.

Last week, BBC pundit Robbie Savage gave a list of tricks he and others have and do pull to force a move – sulking, faking injury, undermining managers, using media mates, starting rumours and more. It’s soap opera stuff that keeps pub chat flowing and for better or worse, it’s part of the game.

Photo: Getty

“Well done. You’re our number one tweaker. Sorry for screwing you around with the experiment with the young bloke who we dropped you for after your last Test included seven wickets in an innings,” is what no one likely said to Nathan Lyon following his good showing in the fourth Test at Durham.

Certainly not Australia’s chairman of selectors, John Inverarity, who with every utterance hangs an axe over the spinner. Lyon will never be Warney, but he’s hard-working, consistent and after trying everyone else, the best we’ve got. But no, after being dropped in favour of Ashton Agar for the first two Ashes matches, he was brought back. Player of the series already Ian Bell and prodigious Kevin Pietersen gave him some stick at Old Trafford, but at Durham he took seven wickets on a pitch doing little for him, fairly economically, and when series dominator Graeme Swann didn’t.

Cue Inverarity announcing a squad of 18 for the the one-day and T20 series. No shock it didn’t include Lyon. But it did include Fawad Ahmed, the Pakistani refugee leg-spinner helped into contention by Federal Government legislation, not just as a squad member but as the “lead spinner”. This was a kick in the guts for Xavier Doherty, who’s been good for Australia (45 ODIs to his name) in the short forms, and his average and economy rate over 145 List A (domestic one-day) games is better than Ahmed’s in 11 limited overs matches.

Inverarity’s baffling explanation for dumping Doherty is that he’s “very much a known quantity” and the national selection panel would like to see “how [Ahmed] fares in international competition”. So we’re trialling players in series in England now after being wiped winless in the Ashes? Doesn’t make a huge amount of sense, but not the least.

Ahmed is now “in contention” for the return Ashes in Australia, said Inverarity. Lyon copped being dropped for Agar like a champ, then repaid the little faith shown him in Durham. Ahmed’s story is a cracker, but not so good to not give Lyon a shot at writing his.

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WET AND WILD The crowd splashes water on each other at the Hainan Qixian Hot Spring Water Festival to greet Chinese Valentine’s Day at Qixian Square in Baoting, China.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

INSIDE

BANK ON IT /58

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CANADA BY RAIL /70

It’s the last long weekend before Christmas, so make the most of the August bank holiday with these ace staycations.

Beyond the beach, you’ll find surf favourite San Sebastian is also home to cracking festivals, sublime snacks and more.

From close encounters with river rapids and bears to freezing ice fields, a 2775-mile train journey across Canada is never boring.

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb EDITOR

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The horror! Alt rock band, er, The Horrors will appear

THE UGLIEST TOWN Hemel Hempstead last week topped a poll of the UK’s ugliest towns, leaving old (not so) favourites like Luton and Slough for dust. The survey by website Crap Towns Returns awarded the 89,000-people-strong town on the outskirts of the M25 the dubious ‘honour’, with one of the authors behind the survey, Sam Jordison, commenting: “I know exactly why Hemel did so well in the poll. I’ve been there once.”

Aw, poor Hemel Hempstead.

Imagine being voted the ugliest of anything – the town must be eating cookie batter out of the mixing bowl and crying itself to sleep en masse. So I’ve decided to take on cheer-up duty, metaphorically bringing round the Sex And The City box set by searching out double H’s more redeeming features. We all know looks fade, anyway – what’s important is personality.

An integral part of one’s identity, of course, is your name. One theory says the word ‘Hemel’ probably came from ‘Haemele’, which was the name of the district in the 8th century and means ‘broken country’.

Oh, woops. Er, well, what’s in a name, anyway?

OK, let’s move on to history. We are the sum of our experiences, right? Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn are reputed to have stayed in the town in the 1500s, although this was the wife who started Hezza’s unfortunate habit of lopping his missus’s heads off. Recent history, then ... in 2005, the Buncefield Oil Depot on the edge of the town exploded and burst into the biggest factory fire in peacetime Europe, belching black clouds. Ah. U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, Hemel Hempstead. You ugly.

Been to an uglier town? Write and tell us

Set beside the Adriatic Sea and surrounded by thick forest, Unknown is new on the festival scene this year but packs in an impressive line-up 10-14 of acts (The Horrors; Jessie Ware) across six days and nights of live music, plus forest, pool and boat parties in Rovin, Croatia. From the creators of Hideout, The Warehouse Project and Field Day, it’ll close summer with a bang.

SEP

WHY: Unknown’s tagline is “celebrate the last days of summer”. And there’s no better place than the sun-splashed Croatian coast to do just that. The organisers’ track record of fests is also promising, and you’d be hardpressed to find such a broad soundscape of artists at one festival anywhere else.

BERLIN FESTIVAL

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Held on the tarmac and in the hangars of the iconic Thirties 6-7 Tempelhof Airport, Berlin Festival attracts an eclectic crew from all over to its mix of edgy pop and indie dance. Thousands descend on the capital for the three-day party, headlined this year by Pet Shop Boys and Björk.

Widely celebrated as New York’s best music festival, 3O-1 Electric Zoo is a house music carnival held over the American bank holiday of Labor Day. They even have an iPhone app for schedule browsing and negotiating the stages. Headliners include David Guetta and Tiesto.

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It’s only a day long, so get there early, get a good spot and grab a pint for the eye-opening festivities.

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DO IT BECAUSE: This is the first year in what’s sure to become a festival tradition, so you can say you were there at the beginning.

And rarely does a venue offer so much in the way of location and a mix of chilling out and ‘avin’ it large.

Polo is made infinitely more entertaining with the 28-1 addition of gargantuan animals and the tropical setting of Hua Hin, a beach resort town on the northern part of the Malay Peninsula.

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Photo: Getty

about it: laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

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stansted STRIKE Another bank holiday, another airport strike threat. Ho hum. This time it’s Stansted staff who scan bags before they’re loaded onto aircraft planning walkouts over the long weekend, with 40 members of the GMB union set to stroll off the job at 3.30am and 3.30pm each day from Friday, leaving passengers little choice but to either deal with delays or travel with hand luggage only. The walkout is over premium payments for working anti-social hours and overtime.

According to reports, talks are being held to resolve the dispute before any strike action is taken. Want to stick it out in England this weekend now? See P58 for our top staycations.

Photos: Getty

edinburgh ‘expensive’ Edinburgh is Britain’s most expensive city break, according to a new survey by travel review website TripAdvisor. The study analysed the cost of a one-night stay (with four-star accommodation, pre-dinner drinks, meal for two and a taxi home) in 20 key UK cities, with the Scottish capital ringing up at £20 steeper than the second-most expensive getaway, Brighton.

The most cost-effective domestic holiday was Nottingham, followed closely by Cardiff.

Meanwhile, in a separate survey by website Crap Towns Returns, Hemel Hempstead was named England’s ugliest city, followed by Luton.

Happy holidays: expect queues this weekend

CHINA DEEMED ‘UNSAFE’ Tourists are turning away from China in droves thanks to the country’s persistent problems with air pollution, new data has suggested. Media reports about the thickening smog in January claimed pollution in Beijing at one point reached 40 times the World Health Organisation’s safe limit. The China National Tourism Administration admitted it recorded a dip of five per cent in the number of foreign visitors entering China between January and June, compared with the same period last year. China is the world’s third most popular destination for international travel, behind France and the US.

BARCA IS ‘SCAM CITY’ Barcelona is the city in which you’re most likely to fall victim to a travel scam, so says a study commissioned by Generator Hostels. The poll of 2000 British tourists revealed common ruses included taxi drivers taking unnecessarily long routes to the punter’s desired destination, and locals persuading tourists to take a photo and then trying to charge them for it. Paris and Rome came second and third, which is perhaps unsurprising in light of recent news stories reporting on increased pickpocketing in the French capital and a group of British tourists being charged £54 for four ice creams in Rome.

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[Caption] Cornish cracker: head to the southwest for a folk fest and sensational surfing

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Not a mod con: scoot on over to the Mod Weekender in Brighton 58

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Bank on it It’s the last long weekend before Christmas, so make the most of the August bank holiday WORDS ANDREW WESTBROOK

It’s amazing the difference a day can make. Come this Friday night, you’ll be hard-pushed to find an unsmiling face, and for good reason. Most of us will be buzzing at the prospect of a bonus 24 hours away from the office.

However, the August 26 bank holiday Monday will be the last public holiday for three months, so try to resist spending the long weekend getting up to date with Breaking Bad on the sofa. There’s stacks going on around the country to get involved in, as this quick guide shows.

Medieval Festival, Sussex Missing Game Of Thrones? Get your fix of knights, jesters and hog roasts (presumably sans the dismemberment) at the three-day Medieval Festival held at Herstmonceux, a stunning 15th-century moated castle set deep within the East Sussex countryside. The entertainment will include battles between more than 1000 knights and bowmen, jousting competitions, medieval markets and beer taverns. There’s camping available on site, too. Go on, get medieval on everyone’s asses. Tickets cost £15 in advance. englandsmedievalfestival.com

Photos: Getty Images; Thinkstock; Facebook

Mod Weekender, Brighton It doesn’t get much more British than the mod movement, which originated in London in the Fifties and went on to be cemented in pop culture iconography with the help of The Jam (and, today, Sir Bradley Wiggins). Prepare to get your Quadrophenia on as the who’s who of the mod world descend on their spiritual home for this annual roadtripping event. The Saturday and Sunday daytime action is all based around the Volks Tavern, 200m east of Brighton Pier, where there will be bands playing, retro markets and Scooter competitions. Entrance is free. Start growing those sideburns now, people! newuntouchables.com

Cornwall Folk Festival, Wadebridge Escape the Big Smoke and spend your weekend filling your belly with pasties and scrumpy, accompanied by the sounds of top folk music acts. The Cornish are a fiercely proud lot – any trip to this county at the southwestern tip of Great Britain (the bit that looks like a toe poking into the water)

will be draped in ubiquitous Saint Piran’s flags, the ‘national’ flag of Cornwall – so you can expect any fest celebrating the culture to be a right good old knees up. Tickets for the whole weekend cost £50, or individual events start at £6.

While in Cornwall, head over to England surfing capital Newquay and explore the consistent swell found on its seven miles of coastline. Or, if you’re looking for a more relaxing retreat, nearby Padstow is a cutesy fishing village perfect for indulging in fish ‘n’ chips, ice creams and the odd round of mini golf. cornwallfolkfestival.com

International Music Festival, Liverpool Liverpool’s month-long celebration of all things music reaches a crescendo over the long weekend with a stack of free shows, featuring the likes of Soul II Soul and The Saturdays in Sefton Park. Make sure you put enough time aside to sample some other ‘Scouse’ delights, from Beatlemania at The Cavern Club (cavernclub.org) to a proper big night on the town. Check out the freakshows at Circo (circoliverpool.com), or for the more student-friendly among you, The Blue Angel (savetheraz.co.uk/where), affectionately known among locals as ‘The Raz’, is a basement haven of sweaty punters and cheesy tunes. limfestival.com

Festival of Fools, Belfast Head over to Northern Ireland for a city break with the bonus of knowing that on Sunday, the Cathedral Quarter will play host to this free festival of street theatre and all-round circus shenanigans. While you’re in town, be sure to check out shiny new museum Titanic Belfast (titanicbelfast.com), which commemorates the ill-fated ship that was built in the Cork: The secrets city and sank on its maiden of Ireland’s pub trail voyage in 1912. are out of the bottle

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< £250

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malta Seven nights in Malta is £361pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes four-star, half-board accommodation at Hotel Canifor in Qawra and return flights from London Luton. Departs August 28.

GREECE SAILING An eight-day Mykonos to Bodrum sailing tour is now £375pp (50 per cent off) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 099 9596). Visiting Naxos, Ios, Santorini, Amorgos and Kos. Includes seven nights in an ‘A’ category private boat, some meals, tour leader, captain and crew. Excludes flights, local payment and port tax. Book by August 24. Departs August 25.

CYPRUS Seven nights in Cyprus is £456pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes five-star, self-catering accommodation at Aphrodite Sands Resort in Paphos and return flights from London Stansted.

Departs September 26.

> £500 vietnam A 10-day trip from Ho Chi Minh City to Hanoi is now £680pp (save 20 per cent) with G Adventures (0844 272 2040; gadventures.co.uk). Visiting Halong Bay, Mai Chau, Cu Chi Tunnels and more. Excludes international flights.

Departs Ho Chi Minh City August 24.

BOTSWANA A nine-day tour costs £544pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 499 8487; intrepidtravel.com).

Includes game drives, trips on the Okavango Delta, visit to Victoria Falls, hotel and camp accommodation, local transport. Excludes flights and trip kitty (approx £230). Departs Johannesburg on August 31. Book by August 27.

USA A 12-day round trip from Las Vegas is now £1200pp (save 25 per cent) with G Adventures (0844 272 2040; gadventures.co.uk). Visiting Bryce Canyon, Colorado River, Grand Canyon and more. Excludes international flights. Departs Las Vegas September 10.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

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ROME Two nights in Rome is £144pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation at Park Hotel Ginevra and return flights from London Stansted. Departs September 24. spain Seven nights in Salou, Spain is £232pp with loveholidays.com (0800 215 5900). Includes three-star accommodation at Solmiplaya Salou Pacific and return flights from London Luton. Excludes hold baggage and transfers. Departs September 5.

COPENHAGEN Two nights in Copenhagen is £184pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at Bella Sky Hotel and return flights from London Stansted. Departs September 9. morocco Three nights in Marrakech is £214pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at Red Hotel Marrakech and return flights from London Luton.

Departs September 22.

PARIS Two nights in Paris is £177pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes three-star, room-only accommodation at Best Western in Montmartre (hotel is at the foot of Sacre Coeur, one of Paris’s best known landmarks) and return flights from London Luton. Departs September 21.

£250 – £500

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REFLECTING ON ASTURIAS Irene Herrero Canencia, from Madrid, Spain

BEFORE THE PARTY Anita Leung, from Matamata, New Zealand

WHAT’S THE STORY? Irene took this character-filled reflection shot in Spanish village Asturias in Valle del Oso (Bear’s Valley). “I was on a walk with my brother and dog when I came across this reflection of the village houses in the window of the van,” she tells us. “I particularly like the distortion of the houses and the colours which contrast with the white van.”

WHAT’S THE STORY? The Old Town in Lisbon, Portugal, is pictured here in Anita’s image. “This street is usually packed, but was completely empty [when I took this],” she says. “There was an eeriness in the air. The streets were prepared for a party but the people were inside. The air was filled with the smell of spices and baked goods as we walked the cobblestones.”

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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TOP FIVE

1

extreme adventures

@tntmagazine

volcano boarding, nicaragua

Addicted to thrills? Find that trips based around sublime beaches, groundbreaking galleries or divine street food simply don’t cut it? You know who you are.

Sometimes, there’s simply nothing that makes you feel more alive than doing something incredibly stupid and oh-so-dangerous. You know, the sort of adrenalin rush insanities that you don’t tell your mum about until after you’ve survived, the type of sign-your-lifeaway activities you hope your insurance company never finds out about.

One of the newest, funniest and downright demented extreme sports to have a go at right now is volcano boarding in Central America’s Nicaragua. It’s based around the 2400ft slope of the Cerro Negro volcano, where unique weather conditions mean that one side has a relatively smooth, albeit very steep, slope.

The new sport was inspired by insane French cyclist Eric Barone, who used the live volcano to set two mountain bike world speed records in 2002. His fastest run saw him top 62 00

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173kmph. It also saw him take a serious tumble, resulting in a three-month stay at a Nicaraguan hospital.

Fast forward a few years and along came Daryn Webb, the Aussie owner of a hostel called Bigfoot in nearby Leon. He tried boarding down the black stuff on everything from surfboards to fridge doors, before settling on a crude Formica and plywood sledge.

And now you can join daily trips run by Webb’s Bigfoot successors. For under £20 (which includes two mojitos), you’re handed your board, goggles and orange jumpsuit before starting the leg-burning climb to the top. Once there, peer down the 40-degree drop and take the plunge into a cloud of dust and garbled screams. Volcanic gravel flies at you, and those who lose control will have the bloody face and arms to show for it. Stay straight, however, and you could top 80kmph when passing the speed gun. bigfoothostel.com/volcanoboarding.html

VIDEO: SEE ALL THESE IN ACTION tntmagazine.com/extreme-vids

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death road, bolivia

It’s been near the top of South America must-do lists for many a year, but when it comes to extreme adventures, mountain biking down the most dangerous road in the world simply doesn’t get boring.

Much of the cliff-side road is just 3.2m wide with sheer drops a pants-wetting 4000m. Safety barriers separating you from the abyss are nonexistent – that’d be cheating, right?

Costs from around £70pp. gravitybolivia.com

Photos: Andrew Westbrook, Thinkstock, Getty Images

4

bungee jumping, macau

When it comes to pure, unadulterated terror, it’s still hard to beat a bungee.

So why not try the biggest of the lot, all 764ft of it, in Macau.

Indeed, so massive is the recordbreaking China-based jump that Kiwi bungee pioneer AJ Hackett and his buddies had to invent a special second generation bungee cord which was able to take the extra pressure, plus drop straighter, meaning you won’t swing into the concrete Macau Tower.

That was nice of them. It costs £203pp. ajhackett.com

3

shark diving, fiji

New kid on the block

Fancy scuba diving with big man-eater sharks? How about when the sharks are getting fed and you don’t have a cage?

Well that’s exactly what you can do at Beqa Lagoon, off Pacific Harbour, on Fiji’s Viti Levu Island. Started by South African Brandon Paige, the fish feeding dives involve taking cover behind a small ocean wall while the dive crew police the visitors. Large bull sharks are almost always part of the action, while a lone tiger shark often drops by. From £103pp. aquatrek.com

5

ice climbing, alaska

Rise above the skiing vs boarding debate by trumping both sides with an arm-wrenching, death-defying ice climbing experience in the frosty surrounds of Alaska’s Valdez.

A regular destination for top climbers since the Seventies, thanks to the massive, stunning blue ice to be found in Keystone Canyon, plus the region’s many frozen waterfalls, Valdez has developed into a major hotspot for the ice lovers of the world. Full-day guided climbs of the Worthington Glacier cost from £97pp. alaskasummer.com

milhouse overview A couple of blocks from Cusco’s central Plaza De Armas, Milhouse is one of the newest hostels in the Machu Picchu gateway city, and already one of the best.

Created from a partnership between Inca Trail tour specialists Bamba Experience and legendary Buenos Aires party hostel Milhouse, the Cusco pad is set within a beautifully restored old colonial mansion. wow factor The moment you walk in off the bustling Peruvian street and into the historic courtyard, tarted up with funky modern touches, it’s clear the hostel is a cut above. There’s a lively bar and social scene for the party animals, but also plenty of space to escape. rooms Spacious and clean, with most rooms having en suite. Cage lockers near power sockets (so stuff can be securely left charging) and privacy headboards by dorm beds, are examples of the excellent design touches that show this crew know (and actually provide) what budget travellers want and need. bill please Dorm beds cost from £6.50pn, doubles £30pn.

Calle Quera, Cusco, Peru milhousehostel.com

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63

TRAVELTIPS

follow follow usus onon @tntmagazine @tntmagazine

THE INSIDER: ICELAND

Jurassic coast: Dorset’s famous Durdle Door

SVANA FRIDRIKSDOTTIRR Director of communications WOW air

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q With the recent scorching heat I really

want to get out of London for a few days – where would you recommend I visit to enjoy the sun? Preferably no more than four to five hours’ journey away. Helen, via email A That’s an easy one, Helen – I’m going to let

you in on my favourite place in Britain! Dorset is home to some of Britain’s best coastline, perfect for enjoying sunny weather. A mere two hours on the train from Waterloo, or less than three hours from London by car, is Bournemouth, Dorset’s biggest seaside town complete with pier, amusements and long sandy beach. Don’t dwell too long here, though, as you’ll miss out on some of the real gems this coastline has to offer.

If you have a car, it’s easy to hop between the picturesque towns and villages that line the

Jurassic Coast. Alternatively, the open-top bus from Bournemouth to Swanage via Sandbanks and Studland is a fun way to see the region.

Head west to the upmarket Sandbanks to admire the Malibu-esque mansions, before crossing to the Studland side of the harbour to sample some of the region’s best seafood at Shell Bay Cafe (shellbay.net). You can cross Poole Harbour using the quaint chain ferry, which shuttles back and forth for as little as £1 (pedestrians) and £3.50 (cars). Continue into the small town of Swanage for a dose of classic British seaside, before hopping on the steam railway to Corfe Castle, where you can explore the ruins of this 1000-year-old site. If you have time, try to visit Lulworth Cove and Durdle Door, where you will find some of the most dramatic rocky coastline in the area.

READERS’ TIPS ON CANADA Size matters not: Living Water Wayside Chapel

LAKE DISTRICT The most beautiful lakes are in Algonquin (Toronto, Ontario). Hire a canoe and purchase campsite permits ahead of time.

Hayley Callahan, via email ROOM FOR A LITTLE ONE Living Water Wayside Chapel, Niagara – smallest church in the world! Seats a small bummed bride, groom, two witnesses, two bridesmaids and mothers of the brides. Sorry, fathers!

Louise Gibney, via Facebook

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A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using this information

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If your tip is printed, you’ll win your very own Moleskine photo book (worth £70).

Create a stunning record of your travels with easy-to-use online tools and the option to design your own pages with a range of fonts and colours. You can even add video content to digital versions!

Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

What should you eat when in Iceland?

Have a hot dog at Bæjarins Bestu, near the harbour in Reykjavik. Icelanders are crazy for their Icelandic hot dogs and swear they’re the best in the world.

Ask for Eina með öllu (the one with everything) to get it with mustard, ketchup, rémoulade and crunchy onions.

Teach us an Icelandic phrase.

If you fall in love in Iceland it´s useful to know how to say ‘I love you.’ It’s quite easy: Ég elska þig (yeg l-skä thig). Don’t say it to everyone – we Icelanders use this sentence sparingly.

What’s the best way to see Reykjavik?

Take an evening tour with the guys at Bike Company (bikecompany.is) to watch the sunset above the Snæfellsnes glacier.

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Tan fans: the Basques love to bake [Caption]

San Sebastian Spain

san sebastian BARCELONA

SPAIN

Board meeting: San Seb is well known for its surf 66

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GETTING THERE Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s usually cheapest to fly London to Barcelona with Ryanair or easyJet, then change to a different carrier, such as Vueling Airlines, for the leg to San Sebastian. A return should cost from ÂŁ143. vueling.com; ryanair.com; easyjet.com

Hondarribia: this pretty town is home to San Sebastian Airport

Seafood diet: see a paella like this, you must eat it

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The cultured capital of cool Beyond the beach you’ll find surf favourite San Sebastian is also home to cracking festivals, sublime snacks and a whole lot more Words andrew westbrook

Beaches and surf. Those are often what first springs to mind when San Sebastian is mentioned, especially if it’s an Antipodean that’s doing the mentioning. And indeed, the northern Spanish city, overlooking the Cantabrian Sea, has plenty to boast about in those departments – La Concha is regularly labelled Europe’s best city beach, while Zurriola is the stuff of legend among serious surfers.

But bronzed beauties and boards aside, there’s far more to San Sebastian than simply hanging out half naked. As unbelievable as it may sound, this is one town where keeping your clothes on is as fun as whipping them off. Well, almost.

With food, culture and after-dark scenes to match just about any other small city on the continent, it’s no surprise this coastal getaway has been handed the European Capital of Culture crown for 2016. So read on for your guide to what stands behind the sands.

A Spain in the arse First things first, careful who you call Spanish. San Sebastian is in the heart of Basque country, the western Pyrenees region that straddles the border with France and includes the likes of Pamplona, Bilbao and Biarritz. Similar to the Catalans over in Barcelona, it’s an area where people are passionately proud of their own language and culture, while harbouring a general desire to be separate from Spain.

As such, many San Sebastian locals, or donostiarras as they’re known, would say they share more with their Basque brothers in French towns like Biarritz than their colonial overlords in Spanish capital Madrid. Everyone will speak Spanish but would much prefer, you’ll quickly realise, to banter in Basque. If you’re keen to learn the basics and earn some solidarity high fives, just remember the golden rule – every word needs to contain at least one ‘x’.

However, one similarity to the Spanish that even the most diehard separatist couldn’t deny is that San Sebastian loves a fiesta. Time your visit to coincide with one of the city’s many annual festivals and you’ll come across plenty of the old traditions – from pelota games (basically outdoors squash) to stone throwing contests, via drumming and period dress wearing, all accompanied with copious amounts of cider. Try to catch the fishing boat regattas on the first two Sundays in September, plus the Fair of Santo Tomas, on December 21. sansebastian.co.uk/events-and-festivals

Basque in the glory If A-list celebrities are more your thing, make sure you’re in town for one of Europe’s most glamorous cinematic feasts – the San Sebastian International Film Festival. Widely considered the biggest movie event in the Spanish-speaking world, the festival has hosted the European premieres for bighitters as varied as Star Wars and Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo.

“

This Basque beauty beats the easy hype

”

It’s back for its 61st year, from September 20-28, and on the line-up is new Jake Gyllenhaal flick Enemy, plus WW2 yarn The Railway Man, starring Colin Firth and Nicole Kidman. It’s a given that stars will be in attendance at the ‘Cool Cannes’. sansebastianfestival.com

››

La Concha: Europe’s best city beach? tntMagazine.com

67

P-pick up some pintxos San Sebastian is a magnet to the sort of sweeping, exaggerated statements which are normally written off as marketing talk or lazy journalism. The difference with this Basque beauty, however, is that it beats the easy hype. The beaches really are that good. And the film festival truly is damn cool. But here’s a third one for you, the biggest of the lot: San Sebastian is the best place to eat in Europe.

There, it’s said. We know, it sounds ridiculous. But here are the facts. For starters, check out any list of the world’s top restaurants. Keep your eyes to the skies and you’ll likely spot Donostia (the town’s Basque name) eateries Arzak and Mugaritz in the top 10. Better yet, forget Tokyo or Paris, if you’re after the city with more Michelin stars per capita than anywhere else in the world, look no further than San Seb. But so what, we hear you cry. What if you don’t want to cripple your credit card on a meal that will probably leave you hungry? Well, the best bit about eating out in San Sebastian is that it actually makes no sense to spend a fortune on the top restaurants – the cheap stuff is just so good. The local delicacy – pintxos – cost around £2.50 each and can be found on just about every street corner.

Basically the Basque version of tapas, pintxos (spot the ‘x’) are more often than not small pieces of bread generally topped with mushrooms, cheese or seafood, as well as a scrumptious sauce. From classic staples like tortilla to more decadent dining experiences, such as spider crab tarts or braised pig’s ears, pintxos tick every box on the holiday eating wishlist – delicious, reasonably priced and unique.

So make like a local and hop from bar to bar, gorging on pintxos while washing them down with txakoli, the local fizzy green wine. Find the best spots, and understand what you’re eating, on a gastronomic tour put on by Follow Me. justfollowme.com

The old ones are the best If you’re not sure where to go to satisfy your alcoholic appetites, a good bet is always to head into the Parte Vieja, San Sebastian’s characterful old town.

You’ll find the lively little lanes packed with people grazing on pintxos and chugging the region’s best beverages. Calle Fermin Calbeton is often the liveliest street, with many drinkers jumping on the all-nighter train. But it’s easy to escape the boozy buzz for those wanting to find something more romantically charming. Either way, in typical Iberian style, don’t expect the action to really get going until the early hours, so try not to hit your first bar before 10pm.

Kill time with a few swigs of Basque favourite kalimotxo (what’s that? An ‘x’?), basically red wine and Coke. It sounds wrong, but it’s Basque, so you know it won’t taste wrong. ❚

ZaporeaZ specializes in providing tailored itneraries around the Basque Country and La Rioja region.

The routes are designed for lovers and enthusiasts of gastronomy and wine.

See more at: www.zaporeaz.com (+34) 608 158 412 68

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OTHER GREAT EUROPEAN BEACH CITIES

Beachy Barca: catch rays Catalan-style San Sebastian isn’t the only great city break that lets you get some sand between your toes. Here’s three more.

NICE, FRANCE City slicker: Wander the winding lanes of the old town and soak up the atmosphere. Swing by the city’s myriad art museums for your fix of Monet, Warhol and more, then spend your evenings in clubs and bars to suit every taste, from bohemian jazz to big name DJs. Beach bum: There’s an array of free pebble beaches or, if you don’t mind paying a fee, 15 private beaches with bars, restaurants, changing rooms and loungers.

Flight time: About two hours from London.

BARCELONA, SPAIN City slicker: Don’t miss La Sagrada Familia church, an incredible feat of creativity still being built. Las Ramblas is also a must-see, a chaotic central boardwalk crammed with tarot readers and street artists, while the epic La Boqueria food market pulses at its top. Veer off the tourist trail to Carrer de la Riera Baixa for vintage boutiques.

Beach bum: Millions of sun-seekers pile on to Barcelona’s beaches, the busiest being Platja de la Nova Icària. A series of beaches spread northeast from the Port Olímpic marina, so have a wander if you’re looking for a calmer spot.

There’s a small nudist section at Platja de la Mar Bella.

Flight time: About two hours from London.

NAPLES, ITALY City slicker: The historic city centre is a World Heritage Site with a wealth of treasures to discover. We particularly like the Palazzo Donn’Anna, derelict but beautifully so, built out over the water and smack-bang next to a beach.

It’s not open to the public, but makes essential snapping.

Beach bum: There are plenty of sandy stretches to choose from, so sample a few. The most scenic are bordered by the big blue on one side, and black volcanic cliffs decorated with bright houses and tumbling greenery on the other.

Flight time: About two hours and 40 minutes from London.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; TNT

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13:54

GETTING THERE Flights from London Heathrow to Vancouver, via Minneapolis, start at about ÂŁ633 with Delta. delta.com

canada JASPER

Vancouver

WINNIPEG TORONTO

United States

Canada NORTH AMERICA

On the rails: a window seat is recommended for the Rockies 70

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BIGTRIP

Canada by rail From close encounters with river rapids and bears to freezing ice fields, a 2775-mile train journey across Canada is never boring Words sophie collard

WHEN TO GO: Summer is high season, as you can best make “Another turning point, a fork stuck in the rafting with Maligne Rafting Adventures, the most of Canada’s plentiful road, time grabs you by the wrist, directs about an hour outside of Jasper. outdoorsy action (summertime is you where to go.” Fabien, the train’s service “OK everyone,” says our Kiwi guide, Jesse. late May to mid-September). Winter “So, there are three different categories of manager, sings the Green Day classic in his is cold and dark, so best suited to French-Canadian accent, bald head bent over rafting on three different rivers here: class skiiers and city breakers. an acoustic guitar, eyes focusing steadily on 2 on the Athabasca River, class 3 on the CURRENCY: £1 = CA$1.59 the strings. He sits at a table by his walkieSunwapta or Fraser rivers, and finally the ACCOMMODATION talkie in the pale interior of the activity car.

Kakwa River, which is class 4. Today we’re on Responsible for the safety and wellbeing of the Fraser River.”

In Vancouver, The HI Vancouver the passengers while on board, he likes to Seeing as I haven’t been rafting in years, Downtown hostel has rooms from sit and play his guitar in the moments the going easy on the Fraser River is a wise £20pn. hihostels.ca passengers don’t need him. choice. The area is so beautiful that for me In Toronto, a bed in a dorm at The Along with a group of 12 travellers from it’s enough just to be here without proving Planet Traveler costs from £20pn all over the world, I’ve just boarded a train at my (non-existent) rafting prowess on the and private rooms with two beds Vancouver that will be stopping off at Jasper, cost from £50pn. scarier class 4 rapids. a small Rocky Mountains town, and big city We get changed into our wetsuits amid a theplanettraveler.com Winnipeg, on the way to Toronto. flurry of mega mozzies, before joining Jesse SEE: canada.travel The train is due to arrive in Jasper at 4pm for a demonstration of how to rescue each the next day and by the middle of the 18-hour journey to other from the water. Once in our rafts, the river carries us Jasper I’ve already paced the entire length of it – this is how I past towering evergreens and great cliffs. “Paddle forward!” found Fabien at the back. He tells me people in economy class Jesse shouts over the noise of the water. “Now backward!” have the most fun, which is a bonus, since that’s where I am.

“Watch out!” she yells, every time we’re about to get hit We sit and drink in the bar cars at night, watching the city in the face with water, much of which I take the brunt of, lights go past until everything disappears into darkness as gaining a particularly wet crotch. Super. the train heads into the Rocky Mountains. By day, we gaze The next day we embark on a tour of the Columbia out of the windows on the look out for the black bears and Icefield. This incredible expanse of otherworldly white feeds grizzly bears that often wander along beside the tracks. You eight major glaciers and some of the highest mountains in might even see bald eagles, their white heads poking out the Canadian Rockies teeter at its edges. from the nests at the top of the impossibly tall trees that are As our coach ascends the steep mountain road to take us so numerous in this part of the world. to the field, the tall green trees become increasingly dusted Snow-covered peaks rise up to greet us as we arrive in with snow, until it feels like we’re in a winter wonderland.

Jasper in the late afternoon. Jasper calls itself a ‘little town When we arrive, I buy a red hat with a maple leaf on it from in a big park’ (that’d be Jasper National Park, the largest the gift shop (natch) and we board a Brewster Ice Explorer. in the Canadian Rockies) and reminds me of Bariloche in It’s essentially a coach with thick, tractor-like tyres.

Argentina. The two ski villages have that same small town “We’re near Highway 93 – one of the most beautiful feel, with low-rise cabin-style buildings and trinket-selling in the world,” says our guide as we arrive at the icefield. shops, set in the midst of grand surroundings (Bariloche sits (Alberta Highway 93 travels over the Rockies and connects in the foothills of the Andes in Nahuel Huapi National Park).

Jasper with Lake Louise in the north, affording spectacular But where Bariloche has lakes, Jasper has all those lovely, tall views of the mountains.) “This ...” – he turns with his arms in Canadian pines. the air like he’s king of the glacier – “...is my office.” ›› After a good night’s sleep, we get up to go white water We walk out into the white. It’s akin to a desert tntMagazine.com

71

Nice ice, baby: transport for Columbia Icefield

landscape – if all the sand had been replaced by snow and ice. I’m standing on what is essentially an enormous ice rink, many metres thick and covered with a heavy layer of snow.

We gape in awe and make a couple of snow angels before returning to the vehicle and ploughing back down the slope.

On our way back into Jasper on the tour coach, the driver slows down as we approach a car parked by the side of the road. “Often cars will stop because there’s wildlife,” he tells us.

My excitement at the possibility of spotting a grizzly is short-lived – we see that the couple from the car are just taking pictures of each other in front of the mountains. We carry on not too much further and spy a second car parked by the side of the road – and this time I’m in luck. I see my first ever wild bear. He’s a small black creature wandering nonchalantly along the grassy embankment.

This turns out to be the first of two bears I see while on the trip. The second is brought to my attention by a headsup over the intercom on the train that same evening. The announcer tells us there’s a bear lounging around on the tracks; they often come down to eat grain left behind by goods trains. This particular black bear is curled over the track as if it’s a log; he’s lazing around like an oversized floppy teddy. I want to get out and cuddle him, but that would delay the train and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have much of a face left if I did.

We are now slowly chugging towards Winnipeg. This section of the journey is a long one, stretching overnight and all of the following day. We arrive in Winnipeg at night, have a quick drink at the hotel bar and flop into bed.

The next morning, our group digs into the history of the city with the tour A Prairie Legacy: The Bison and Its People.

Winnipeg was a trading centre for the aboriginal people 72

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Splashing out: tackle the white water around Jasper before the Europeans swooped in, and this tour looks at how their history was influenced by the local bison. The animals’ hides were used by the indigenous residents of the area for tipis and robes, rope was made from their hair ... they were integral to daily life. But when the European hunters arrived, bison numbers declined to the point that the species almost died out completely. Although getting up close to the bison is for most the highlight of this tour – the FortWhyte Alive centre that hosts it is dedicated to their conservation – I find

End of the line: finish up in Toronto

Photos: Facebook, Thinkstock

Wild thing: black bears roam about the Rockies

myself more taken with the history of the natives than these big furry cows.

The following day, we head to the Manitoba Legislative Building for the Hermetic Code Tour. Sounds boring, right?

It turns out to be one of the most interesting tours of the whole trip. This government building was designed by an architect who filled it with Freemasonic symbols, hidden hieroglyphic inscriptions and numerological codes. The tour follows a trail of occult clues that reveals the hidden meanings behind the building’s design features, the true

“

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I see my first ever wild bear in Jasper

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nature of which escaped the notice of visitors and historians for nearly 100 years. It’s truly unique.

The final leg of the journey is a bum-numbing 34 hours.

But in some ways, after two weeks of travelling across Canada, spending a total of four days and four nights on trains, I’m sad these are my last moments on board. I’ve spotted bears, walked glacial fields and battled rapids in Jasper, discovered the cultural crossroads of Winnipeg and am now approaching the buzzing (and sweltering) metropolis that is Toronto in summer. And yet, after all this time and all of these experiences, I’ve seen only a small part of this vast country. I know I’ll be back for more. ❚ A multi-city trip – from Vancouver to Jasper; Jasper to Winnipeg; Winnipeg to Toronto – starts at about £323 in economy class, with VIA Rail viarail.ca Rafting in Jasper starts at £37 for two hours raftjasper.com An icefield tour starts at £31 estore.explorerockies.com A Prairie Legacy: The Bison And Its People is £25 fortwhyte.org/ecotours The Hermetic Code Tour is £25 and runs this year until Sep 25 heartlandtravel.ca

Saturday 24th - Monday 26th Aug. Tour Includes: Return Eurostar travel, Transfers, Guided sightseeing tour, Plenty of Free time to explore the City of Light & B&B hotel accommodation for 2 nights.

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50 years now. Can anyone help?

Cheers, Ben GIVE ME AN (EAR) RING: Well, this is embarrassing. Man who I went home with last Thursday, I left my earrings at your place. I can’t remember your name or where you live (I must have still been drunk when I left) and we clearly didn’t change phone numbers (unless yours is the number listed under ‘never again’?). They are really nice

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Please can you please let TNT know if you have them? Sarah LOST IN TRANSLATION: There’s a beautiful Vietnamese woman who works at the cafe near my flat. I go in every day but I know she hardly speaks English and I want to be able to say something sweet to her in her native tongue.

Can someone help me translate: “Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cos I see myself in your pants.” Brian

JUST GOOD FRIENDS?: Desperately seeking an answer to the question of whether I can stay mates with a long-time friend after giving her a thorough banging on the kitchen floor when hammered and enjoying it immensely. Serious conundrum here, folks. Please help.

Todd TUBE TUNES: To the man listening to his iPod sans headphones on the Tube. You do realise that not everybody wants to hear techno blaring in their faces at 8am in an impossibly overstuffed train, right? Thanks for DJing for us all. Christina SHUT IT: To the unnamed roommate who chooses to leave the door cracked so we know when he has sex. We get it. We don’t need to hear your (hilariously brief) constipated moose noises coming from you or your girlfriend. P.S We think she’s faking it. Tony TREE HUGGER: To the man talking to the tree for 20 minutes yesterday in Hyde Park. I 100 per cent know where you are coming from. Sometimes people just don’t listen as well as nature. Absorbing the ambiance of the earth is the most basic form of tranquility. Not sure why you started making out with it though. Susan FELLOW LOSERS?: I’ve been on a diet I read about online for about two months now. I’ve been eating nothing but cottage cheese, prune juice and rhubarb. Not seeing the desired results. Does anybody have any success stories with this diet, or am I wasting my time and toilet paper? Diane

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QUIET, PLEASE: To the fat Aussie couple I hear daily, bickering their way upstairs, please keep your tawdry, depressing, infantile arguments to yourselves. No one who matters cares which Chicken Cottage meal represents ‘better value’ or your tuppence on why ‘cyclists are mormons’ (direct quote). At least the grinding of cyclists’ thighs isn’t likely to be audible through a fucking wall.

I wish this was New Zealand, then we could just fucking deport you for being such a pair of fat fucks.

Please fuck off. Pat KNOCKED UP: Baz, I can’t believe you’ve got your boss up the duff. Is she still pretending to her husband that it’s his? Seriously dude, you can’t just away to Oz and forget about the whole thing.

The poor kid has a right to know who his real dad is! If you don’t tell her she’s got to own up, I’m telling him. Taylor WEB PLEBS: So I’ve been arguing online recently and apparently, because I’m a straight, healthy white man, I’ve got white privilege, middle class privilege, able privilege and educational privilege. Will someone please tell that to the British bogan cunts I have to serve beer to every day – all this privilege doesn’t seem to be getting me very far! Keith STRANGE FRUIT: Some people are just plain weird. There are some things that just shouldn’t be done, ever. Everyone has different kitchen skills, but tomato ketchup on tomatoes? Are you for real!? You’re just plain weird and plain wrong. Si

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