TNT Magazine / Issue 1479 by TNT Magazine

January 2-8 2012 Issue 1479 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

TWO GYM MEMBERSHIP S WITH FITRO OMS

TRAVEL HOTLIST Destinations you should visit this year

NEW YEAR NEW YOU? Resolutions? Here’s how to stick to them

TOP FILMS FOR 2012 The coolest flicks set to hit the silver screen

THE

R E V O S ’ Y PART ell you how t e W . r a e g our arse in y t e g o t e im 2012. It’s t Welcome to

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER So that’s it then. Another festive season done and dusted. But don’t worry, there are plenty of things to look forward to. Start the new year the way you mean to go on – by making resolutions, and sticking to them (turn to P26 to find out how). That doesn’t have to mean a boring January, though. Flick to P8 for ideas to keep your body active and your mind entertained. And on P40, we reveal the hottest destinations for 2012. Get booking!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

MY LONDON

DRINK & EATS

COMPETITION

CHATROOM SAM SIMMONS

SPARE TIME

LIFESTYLE

25-27

SHOPPING

HEALTH & BEAUTY

26-27

TRAVEL

35-52

TOP FIVE

36-37

TIPS & STUFF

48 HOURS IN... BUENOS AIRES 46-47 CLASSIFIEDS

DESPERATELY SEEKING

FEATURES KICK-START 2012

Everything you need to know about self-improvement in the New Year

SOUND AND VISION

We reveal the musicians you should be listening to and the must-see films

THE YEAR AHEAD

Will Barack Obama be re-elected? Will the world end? What about Iran?

CLEANSE YOURSELF

Photos: Getty, TNT Cover : Thinkstock

TNT serves up the best detox breaks the UK has to offer. No excuses now

SAIL AWAY

Explore the pristine waters and untouched islands of Croatia

UNEXPLORED TERRITORY

Your essential guide to all that’s new and worlthwhile in travel for the year ahead

48 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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Cirque du Soleil is cracklingly original

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst

Shhh... SECRET LONDON CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: TOTEM

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Cirque du Soleil’s fantastic performances are full of crazy costumes, colour and eye-popping acrobatics and stunts. A new production arrives in London every year or so and this show, Totem, employs the founding myths from different cultures to stitch together a fresh helping of Cirque du Soleil’s unique brand of organised chaos. It’s a cracklingly original stageshow, one that makes for a truly memorable night at the circus. Let them entertain you. £20

cirquedusoleil.com

South Kensington

COMEDIES OF WOODY ALLEN

SWOON: MURMATION

INTERNATIONAL BOAT SHOW

If you’re completely unfamiliar with the films of Woody Allen and just nod dumbly whenever his name comes up, then this is your chance to give yourself an education. His movies are full of the kind of nervous, navel-gazing characters that, today, might be played by the likes of Steve Carrell or Michael Cera in a Judd Apatow film.

New York street artist Swoon has brought her urban stylings to London and you can check out her work on the brick walls of Shoreditch. There’s obviously a grafitti sensibility but Swoon’s pieces are characterised by a rare technical sophistication and real finesse. She’s classically trained but has found her canvas in urban spaces.

If you’ve got a couple of million pounds lying around after Christmas, why not spend it on a new boat? If you don’t have that kind of money, there’s still some fun to be had at this boating extravaganza – you can practise your wakeboarding or windsurfing in the show’s ‘action pool’. With a name like that, who can resist?

Until January 31 Belvedere Rd, BFI Southbank, South Bank, SE1 8XT bfi.org.uk Waterloo

January 14 Black Rat Projects, Arch 461, 83 Rivington St, EC2A 3AY blackratprojects.com Old Street

January 6-15 ExCeL Centre, Royal Victoria Dock, E16 1XL londonboatshow. com Custom House

£10

FREE

£16

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Alex And Her Arse Truck

NINTH LONDON SHORT FILM FESTIVAL ONE OF THE BEST FOR QUICK FLICKS

There will be hundreds of shorts shown at different cinemas all across London, so get online and see which part of the programme tickles your fancy. Some of the shorts are dark; some are funny; some focus on femme fatales; others are deliberately abstract and a bit messed-up; and others focus on peculiarly striking landscapes. Get along and support a festival that has carved out a real niche for itself. £5

January 6-15 Various cinemas around London

shortfilms.org.uk

KING PONG SLAM JAM

GET INTO LONDON THEATRE

Pretty much everyone fancies themselves as a ping pong player so you can now test your skills against all comers at this delightfully kitted out Shoreditch social club. And, just as with pool, a couple of beers definitely helps your game. Start practising your pen-holder’s grip, kick-serve and devastating, looping sliced backhand.

Tourists come from all over the world to see a show in London’s West End but it’s one of those things that you’re perhaps less likely to do if you live in the capital. However, this month, you can get hold of tickets to all the big shows at bargain prices. There are a stack of different shows, so make the effort and book early.

Tuesdays The Book Club, 100 Leonard St, EC2A 4RH wearetbc.com Old Street

Until February 10 Various theatres in London getintolondontheatre.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

FREE

£10

Expand your mind with a Love Art London tour

A new year kick-start Oh, the pressure to reinvent yourself in 2012. There are, however, some appealing ways to help you start out on the right foot WORDS REBECCA KENT

No doubt, as the clocks chimed in January 1, 2012, sozzled on champagne, you vowed to create a better you in the new year. If 2011 is anything to go by, your good intentions will be out the window by the end of Jan. It’s fair to say only a few of us are steely enough to see these self-promises through to their conclusion. But don’t worry, as well as a city of vices, London also boasts a plethora of do-good activities. There’s no shortage of classes and workshops to help kick-start a new you, whether it’s to help banish the bulge, get fit, or nourish your mind. Gone are the days of dreary selfhelp classes and dismal weight-loss workshops, in 2012, they’ve got a sexier, more classy intellectual vibe. The School of Life is renowned for its diverse array of weird and wonderful to help you lead a better life. If losing weight is top of your resolutions, learn about ’A History of Beating the Bulge’, with ideas based on the wisdom of historian, Dr Louise Foxcroft, who will, in a 90-minute class, trace a fascinating past of calories, 6

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corsets and attempts to achieve the perfect body – from eating carbolic soap to swallowing tapeworm. “The Greeks and Romans had it right 2000 years ago,” Foxcroft says. “Yes, some did silly things to lose weight like not having sex, or walking around naked, but their system of keeping slim was just eating in moderation. It’s not sexy at all, but in this age where we’re all looking for a quick fix, we’ve completely lost track of how simple it is. “In modern times, we’ve done everything to slim down – from electric-pulse therapy to squeezing fat through pores, like mashed potato through a colander. However, I think we need to get back to basics.” And if Foxcroft’s advice urges you to stop injecting even more cash on the multi-million-pound weightloss industry, consider turning your attention from round tummies to a well-rounded mind. Love Art London is an engaging way to help you get cultured in 2012. With four insightful events each month, members have access to art experts,

private collections, and, indeed, artists themselves. The concept behind the experiences, which end with a debrief in a pub, is the brainchild of the well-connected founder Chris Pensa, a former Courtauld Institute graduate and Sotheby’s British art expert. “Love Art London is kind of a cultural gym membership,” Pensa says. “The art world is very cliquey, and unless you know the right people, there are barriers. I wanted to redress that to make special art experiences available to ordinary people, not just wealthy collectors.” A membership grants you the privilege to tread the halls of the Bank of England and take in its art collection, plus there’s the saucy Tits And Arse Tour of the National Gallery. As resolutions go, shrinking your waistline and expanding your mind is not a bad start – let us how you get on. MORE WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ›› A History Of Beating The Bulge. £20.50. Jan 12. The School of Life, 70 Marchmont Street, WC1N 1AB theschooloflife.com Russell Square Love Art London Memberships from £15 a month loveartlondon.com

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Explore London’s vast art scene

CIRCUS SKILLS HOXTON

WRITE A TV DRAMA HIGHBURY & ISLINGTON

Was your new year’s resolution to learn a new talent? How about circus skills? It’s the kind of derring-do that you can take to a music festival and wow grubby festies with. See how good you are at Circus Space’s circus arts taster sessions, which covers flying trapeze, acrobatic balancing, tightwire walking and juggling. Hoopla! £59

Fortnightly from Jan 7, 2.30-5.45pm Coronet Street, N1 6HD circusspace.co.uk Old Street

Have you ever thought your life, with its ups and downs, adventures and misadventures, would serve as juicy fodder for a TV drama? You might be sitting on something there. But don’t let someone else’s art imitate your life. In a two-day session, scriptwriter Susan Oudot teaches you how to write a script and, importantly, how to pitch it. See your name on the credit roll in 2012. £80

SELF DEFENCE PIMLICO/WANDSWORTH You don’t need the private tutelage of a sensei to master the disciplines of self defence. Attend classes teaching the basics of the Israeli form, Krav Maga, and you’re sure to walk taller. The system is based on a person’s instinctive reactions when being attacked. £15

January 14 & 15, 10am-1pm Arundel Square, N7 8AT. londonwritersworkshop.co.uk Highbury & Islington

Tuesdays and Wednesdays, 7pm-9pm Pimlico Academy, Lupust St, SW1V 3AT, or Esporta / Virgin Active Gym, Wandsworth Riverside, West Smugglers Way, SW18 1DG krav-maga.org.uk Pimlico Wandsworth Town

FIND THE JOB YOU LOVE RUSSELL SQUARE Quit languishing in the career doldrums and find your professional Shangri La. In this workshop, you’ll learn to get real about the prospect of landing a job that is highly paid, wellrespected, high-profile, intellectually stimulating and emotionally rewarding all at once. Then you’ll discuss what’s getting in the way of you emulating the success of the successful people whose biographies clog up bookshelves at this time of year. Is a meaningful job a well-paying one, or one that embodies your personal values? Find out. £30.50

Jan 14 or Feb 11, 10am-1pm The School of Life, WC1N 1AB theschooloflife.com Russell Square

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EAT RAW COVENT GARDEN

WALL CLIMBING LATIMER ROAD

If you’re tackling the raw diet this year in a bid to shed pounds, here’s your research. Learn how eating raw will help you live longer and develop inner peace, among other benefits.

If you can’t waltz, you can’t dance, so make this your year to learn the time-honoured 1-2-3 step, and you never know, it might open some doors. You don’t need a partner to join this ‘Cinderella waltz’ class.

Miley Cyrus sang it, and Joe McElderry had a fleeting whiff of stardom when he chimed over our airways, “It’s a climb”. And since there’s nothing quite so satisfying as a metaphor that translates into real life, why don’t you get climbing this year? Think James Franco in 127 Hours, only you get to keep your arm at the end. Westway holds one-hour taster sessions so you can dip your toe in the water before signing up. The centre has walls up to 14.5 metres high, plus bouldering walls. Find your feet, then, if you’re really brave, take your skills to the great outdoors. Improved strength and focus are just some benefits.

There are bound to be more resolutions you’d have made, had you known they existed. This is one of them. Craftivism is a good one if you’ve been inspired by the Occupy protesters to take personal action towards political change. At this event, chief craft collectivist, Sarah Corbett will teach you to embroider a hankerchief with a message for an influential person. She’ll also give you tips on how to make sure they receive it. It’s all a rather democratic way to kick start your year.

Saturdays, 3pm, from Jan 7 Egoist Body Studios, 6 Fitzroy Square, W1T 5DX egoistbody.com Warren Street

Wednesdays, Satudays & Sundays Westway Sports Centre, Crowthorne Rd, W10 6RP westwaysportscentre.org.uk Latimer Road

January 12, 7:30pm–9:30pm Paper Dress Boutique, 114-116 Curtain Road, EC2A 3AH craftivist-collective.com Shoreditch High Street

FREE

January 10, 6.30-8.30pm Seven Dials Club, 42 Earlham St, WC2H 9LA resource-me.com Covent Garden

LEARN TO DANCE WARREN STREET £15

£15

CRAFTIVISIM OLD STREET £15

WINE KNOWLEDGE CHANCERY LANE

IMPROV COMEDY BALHAM

Assuming your other new year’s resolution is not ban the bottle, why don’t you learn how to drink with discern? Michael Schuster’s wine school is one of the most reputed in the capital. His beginner’s course is twohours a week over six weeks, or you can attend a basic facts class. At least if you learn anything in 2012, it’ll be how to pronounce ‘oenophilist’.

Could your funny bone do with some fine-tuning? Get your laughs on at this weekly comedy improv class, where you’ll get taught how to make up scenes and sketches on the spot. There’s no need to book, just turn up and learn about a new topic each week. The cost includes free entry into the following Tuesday’s comedy show at Hoopla. The classes are run by improv maestro, Steve Roe. You’ll be hilarious.

£50

January 16 Bourdeaux Institute, 10 Hatton Garden, EC1N 8AH schuster.f9.co.uk Chancery Lane

£20

TRI STARS BATTERSEA Is it time you tackled a triathlon? Then take tips from a bona fide athlete. Former Team GB triathlete Rob Turner will put you through their paces once a week, in the park and gym, with sessions on technique, interval and long distance training, CV testing and spinning. Phew! £50

Every Saturday, 11am-5pm 2nd Floor, The Bedford, 77 Bedford Hill, Balham, SW12 9HD hooplaimpro.com Balham

Wednesdays, 6.30pm and Fridays 12.30pm, starting January 18. Each two-week training block includes four practical sessions Albion Riverside Bldg 8 Hester Rd, SW11 4AX starsgym.co.uk Battersea Park

CONVERSE BETTER RUSSELL SQUARE MEN ONLY: MAKING A MOVE MASTERCLASS VARIOUS If you’re tired of cold, lonely nights, and your advances on women go down like a lead balloon, then, men, you might find just the help you need in this masterclass from Sue Ostler. The ‘flirt diva’ dishes out tips, demonstrates techniques and promotes good oldfashioned confidence, charm, and the art of being a cheeky chap. That’s the stuff chicks dig, rather than scripts, awkward chats and the fake compliments. Classes are held at various bars in the West End, and involve a masterclass, ‘field prac’, then a debrief.

Photos: Craftist Collective, Getty

£35

Thursday nights A West End bar flirtdiva.vodkaand chocolate.com

At a time when our conversations are increasingly reduced to superficial chit-chat, explore the philosophy and psychology of conversation – at home, at work, with strangers – taking tips from the world’s top talkers.

BE AN INTREPID TRAVELLER ISLINGTON

£30.50

February 11 The School of Life, WC1N 1AB theschooloflife.com Russell Square

LEARN HOW TO SEW ANGEL Impose your own austerity measures by stitching yourself some clothes. This is an ABC class, covering bobbin-winding, machine-threading and the sewing of seams, where you make a tote bag to start. £49

January 12, 6.30pm-10pm The Make Lounge, N1 1TP themakelounge.com Angel

It could finally be your time to entertain that hankering for travel experiences in new global frontiers: trekking Peru’s awe-inspiring Inca Trail, traipsing through Delhi’s exotic spice markets, exploring the tanneries of Fez. With so much path to be beaten, it’s hard to know where to start. The Intrepid travel shop is a good place. Throughout the year, it hosts a variety of free travel talks – from the highlights of Latin America to the foodie delights of Japan – featuring the experience of its own staff, plus other industry experts. The tour operator kicks off its programme with round up of travel challenges for 2012. FREE

January 10, 7pm Intrepid My Adventure Store, 76 Upper St, N1 0NU intrepidtravel.com Angel

LEARN TO SING CITY If singing is your forte, but thus far, your vocal aerobics are confined to the shower or a Chinatown karaoke box, this group is the way to go. Vocality Singing runs choirs and workshops throughout London. It’s city group meets weekly and any level of vocalist can go and bash out some notes – try a free taster session. They sing an eclectic, uplifiting range of songs, with three or four part harmonies, so expect anything from a Slovakian Gypsy tune to an Appalachian prayer. FREE

Wednesdays, 6-8pm, from Jan 11 St Anne’s Lutheran Church, Gresham Street, EC2V 7BX vocalitysinging.co.uk St Paul’s

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MYLONDON

DYLAN LOWE TRAVEL BLOGGER London’s best-kept secret is your own backyard. The same road on the way to the Tube can seem dull three months after you moved in, but remember when you were the new kid and plotted to micro-world-dominate your neighbourhood? Check out back alleys. Drop in to a pub. Go back out there and explore. Wear a Stetson if it gets you into character. What baffles me about London is the ‘London rage’, which I’ve been infected with. When I want to chill out, it’s rather tempting to just leap into any Starbucks and debauch in corporate convenience; but the quainter and more ambient local establishments are where I can truly kick back and sip some black gold. Foxtrot and Ginger on Bremner Street in Soho is a personal favourite. Simon Reeve is the most interesting person I’ve never met. I interviewed him over the phone. He’s circumnavigated the world three times, following the Tropic of Capricorn, Equator and Tropic of Cancer, documenting his travels. He’s influenced me immensely as a traveller. And he owes me a real-life meeting.

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January 2012 Language Classes

My favourite place for a drink is pubs serving exclusively pints from Samuel Smith Brewery, like Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese on Fleet Street, with price tags as low as a gob-smackingly £2.40. For when you’re hungover in London anything greasy will suffice. What gets me up in the morning? Checking my social media accounts and find out more about what’s happening in my city. My perfect weekend would involve food experiments, and a visit to Borough Market. I always start with a flat white at Monmouth, even if it means joining in the ridiculously long queue in a near-hypnotic state, before aimless meander among the stalls. I’ve always attached a romanticism to kayaking – I’d love to take a kayak out on the Thames and go for a paddle. The last naughty thing I did was while watching the royal wedding. My bladder wanted to open the floodgates, but I had no change in my pocket for the public toilet, so I jumped over the barrier. Five words that sum up London ... Gotta mind that blimmin’ gap. thetravellingeditor.com 10

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Learn The Lingo courses, part of TNT’s Language School, are ideal for beginners or those who’d like to brush up on the basics French / Spanish / Italian

Ë SPANISH RÁPIDO

VENUE: YHA London St Pauls

Ë FRENCH RÁPIDO

COST: £65 before 11th Jan £75 after

Monday 23rd January Tuesday 24th January

Ë ITALIAN RÁPIDO

Wednesday 25th January

36 Carter Lane, London EC4V 5AB

COURSES INCLUDE:

u u u

Five weeks of intensive sessions Language machine tutor Language pack and reading materials

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FOR INFO AND TO BOOK YOUR PLACE SEE tntmagazine.com/school Places are limited, only 15 per course, book early to avoid disappointment!

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Head here for expert cocktails

BAR THE SCENE A chaotic, packed-out bar in haughty Chelsea that’s popular after work with Sloaney types. It’s just been fully done up to look like a comfortable modern-day gentlemen’s club, but the music is surprisingly indie – Sleigh Bells, The Raveonettes and The Strokes ring through the speakers after we turn up. THE GRUB The menu is filled with trendy slants on British greats such as black pudding scotch egg; Hampshire venison with pickled mushrooms; and a delicate Grey Goose vodka cured salmon. It’s a step above your usual pub grub, and you’ll be pleased it’s on your table because the cocktails are strong. BEHIND THE BAR A mix of decent wines, affordable bubbles and the real pulling factor – cocktails. Bar staff will make any classic cocktail on request, plus a good mix of house options such as the Sloe Royal (sloe gin with champagne). Skinnytails contain 105 calories or less, and include a sweet and heady Rose Martini and a vodka Hollywood Star, served with a crisp Prosecco chaser. BILL PLEASE It’s pretty affordable considering the bar’s location. You’ll pay around £5 for a glass of wine, skinnytails and classic cocktails are £6.95, while house cocktails are £7.95. If you’re eating, bar snacks and small plates start at £3. VERDICT A bizarre and slightly disconcerting brush of the East End on Sloaney south-west London – but the food and drink can’t be faulted. CLARE VOOGHT

45 Hollywood Road, SW10 9HX

3 OF THE BEST HEALTH KICKS

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hollywoodarmschelsea.com

West Brompton

BEATROOT CAFE

CRUSH

HUMMUS BROS

One of the best healthy eats in Soho, Beatroot sells hearty but righteously healthy veggie food, smoothies and juices. Its salads and hot dishes are perfect for a New Year health kick and not too tough on your wallet either.

With outlets across London, Crush sells virtuous nosh. Juices are filled with goodfor-you acai berries and wheatgrass (plus boosters for the extra health-conscious) and “healthpots” made up of ultra-fresh veggies.

With the tagline “give (chick) peas a chance”, every dish at this chain has a hummus base – just pick toppings from a list of salad, guacamole, chicken and fava beans. Sticking to resolutions has never been so easy.

beatroot.org.uk

crussh.com

hbros.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Cosy: meat-free Manna

NEW YEAR DETOX Overindulgence hurts. So, if, like most people, you’re on the road to a more virtuous you, Pukka’s detox tea will be a step in the right direction. Containing fennel, cardamom seeds and aniseed, it’s a soothing drink that doesn’t taste half bad either. Boxes of 20 bags are sold in Tesco (tesco.com) for £2.19 and it’s also a favourite with supermodel Erin O’Connor. If it’s good enough for her! pukkaherbs.com

DLR COCKTAILS To celebrate the mighty rollercoaster-style Docklands Light Railway, pubs and bars in the City and south-east London have come up with new cocktails based on its stations. To sample them for yourself (bar crawl alert) hit Patch in St Paul’s for a sweet lemon and lime tribute to Limehouse, then head to Pause for a fruity Bank Spender cocktail with a tequila bite and end up at The Gun in Docklands sipping a creamy, vodka-laced South Quay Lime Pie Martini. patch-bar.co.uk

CHEAP POSH TAKEAWAY The three words above aren’t often used together, but Housebites is leading a takeaway revolution. The posh order-in service brings fresh food cooked by chefs from top restaurants – such as The Ivy or Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen – for the same price as your local pizza joint. Perfect for a January evening in front of the telly. Dishes can also be rated by customers, so you know what you’re getting.

MANNA VEGAN THE SCENE Tucked away in Primrose Hill is this quaint, secluded eatery, which has a completely meat-free menu. Intrigued, my friend and I (neither of us is vegan) brave stormy weather to sample what’s on offer – and we’re pleasantly surprised with what we find. Inside, it’s warm and inviting; lighting on the walls creates a cosy ambience; dark wooden floorboards exude character; paintings of birds and trees on the walls give it an arty edge; and the staff are incredibly friendly. It’s one of Europe’s oldest vegan restaurants, celebrating its 44th birthday this year. THE GRUB Put aside thoughts of lentil burgers and nut roasts, and instead think more creatively. We start with the basil & cashew cheese croquettes (although there’s no cheese involved). Served on a bed of watercress & pea sprouts with chili jam, these nuggets burst with flavour. And the colourful spiced jerk tofu, plantain & sweet potato kebabs are equally impressive – the Caribbean coleslaw, lime cream & toasted cashews topping it off nicely. Each of the meals is presented like a small work of art. For mains, I go for tofu steak and mash served with crisp onion rings. The tofu is surprisingly flavoursome, although the mash needs more seasoning. Across the table, the meat isn’t being missed with the ravioli. The casing is thick and a little chewy, but it’s filled with a delicious wild mushroom & walnut pate and served with a moreish fennel cream sauce and sundried tomato pesto & balsamic reduction. Stuffed, we share dessert. One cranberry & orange cheesecake is gone within seconds – the amaretto brittle ‘vice’ cream rivalling any ice cream I’ve tried.

A huge selection of wines (all organic) as well as champagnes, liqueurs and beers – all vegan, and lots of your usual brands. BILL PLEASE Starters from £7; mains from £11; desserts from £5; a glass of wine from £4; bottle of Asahi £3. VERDICT Don’t avoid this because of a mis-conception about vegan food; instead, try it for the culinary delights on offer. CAROL DRIVER BEHIND THE BAR

housebites.com 4 Erskine Road, NW3 3AJ

mannav.com

Chalk Farm

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‘Give me some looove’: Andy Whitby

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD 2012 heralds many things, depending on your point of view. For some, Mayan-prophecy-following folk in particular, it could be the end of days. For others sunnier of disposition, the start of a new year is a time for positivity. I foresee several things happening next year. Firstly, the wheels will continue to fall off the X Factor/ Britain’s Got Talent – morally dubious, let’s-laugh-at-unfortunately-misguidedfolk-and-celebrate-karaoke-singers shows – as it did in the climactic months of 2011. Also, someone or someone will do ‘a Vaccines’ and make the jump from debut stars to headline superstars in the shortest space of time. My prediction for this accolade is east London’s Spector. Why? Indie-pop of the catchiest variety, a bandname free of ‘The’ -isms (so last year) and too-coolfor-school specs. Incidentally, I also predict something will go guffawingly wrong with the Olympics.

DANCE 4 FREE Hidden, 100 Tinworth Street, SE11 5EQ SAT, JAN 7 | 10PM-7AM | FREE

The best things in life are free – somebody, somewhere once said this. And while they were not always right – try a regular night out with nothing but pennies and see how far that gets you – their assertions are certainly true in the case of this passion-project night at south London’s Hidden, which offers nine hours of the best jungle, house, trance, and electro all for the princely sum of, well, nothing at all. Nada. Diddly squat. The only caveat to be a part of this fantastically fiscally friendly event is to email your name beforehand to get on the guest list, and to get there before midnight, otherwise you will be privvy to a Cinderella-esque levy of a tenner. Even then, though, this is a bargain for the cornucopia on offer here. Celebrating the right to dance – for free – this self-styled payback party passes the rewards on to the clubbers with a top line-up of no fewer than 35 artists, spread across three rooms. Freedom 2 Dance hosts the Old Skool and Classics arch, with a litte help from Slipmatt, Jumping Jack Frost and Nicky Blackmarket, along with Uncle Dugs, Twista, DJ Spice, Sense, Swifty B, EZM and SLB. The Frantic Hard Dance arch hosts Andy Whitby, Cally Gage, Lucy Fur, Dave Curtis, Wayne Smart, Zeebra Kid and Smyrky & Seraya. Then there’s a house, electro, breaks and club classics arch too, making sure that everybody is catered for. For those unconvinced, Hidden also promise a ‘new firm-but-friendly security team’. How can you argue with that? hiddenclub.co.uk

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KYTE + SAFARI + THE TENFIVESIXTY

NEW BAND

GIG THURS, JAN 5. FROM 7.45PM £6

Headliners Kyte (pictured) are the sort of electro-indie-pop outfit it is easy to see riding high in the charts, with their breathy vocals, catchy choruses and sincerity-drenched emotion easy to clamber on board with. Support comes from synth-poppers Safari and indie-flavoured songsmiths The Tenfivesixty.

Photos: Getty; Kato Tan

Bull and Gate 389 Kentish Town Road, NW5 2TJ clubfandango.co.uk Kentish Town

FUNDAY MONDAY

PANIC!

CLUB

MON, JAN 2. 7PM-1AM FREE

TUES, JAN 3. 10PM - 3AM £5

Cargo relaunches its weekly clubnight for the weekend workers who miss out on the madness inherent in the Friday and Saturday chaos. So kick off the new year in style – or keep the party spirit alive if you’re one of the endurancehardened throng still going from NYE – with host DJ Jimbo Jangles spinning the tunes.

Shake off those hangover blues and ditch the new year’s resolutions already with this indietastic start-of-the-week party. 2012 may only be three days old, but good intentions matter not to DJs Max, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble who spin only the coolest, classiest indie, electro and post-punk tunes.

Cargo 83 Rivington Street, EC2A 3AY cargo-london.com Old Street

The Roxy 3 Rathbone Place, W1P 1DA panicclub.net Tottenham Court Road

THE GHOSTS THE BUZZ SO FAR Synth-pop troupe whose name is drawn from the two founding members’ – Ou Est Le Swimming Pool’s Alex Starling and drummer Ian Palmer – shared experiences of death. Eighties electro percussion, Nineties indie guitars, and luscious, soundscaping synths combine to quite dazzling effect. Debut single Enough Time is a haunting little pop ditty, characterised by an air of melancholia that’s counterbalanced by an uplifting sense of hope. THE CRITICS SAY “It’s catchy, sometimes slight, often persuasively melodic, for fans of the lush arrangement and swelling refrain.” Paul Lester, The Guardian THE PLUG Single Enough Time is due for release Jan 22 via Pocket Records. Debut album The End is due in April.

THE SMYTHS

BINGO PLAYERS

SPAGHETTI WESTERN ORCHESTRA

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SAT, JAN 7. 8PM £10

SUN, JAN 8. 3PM - 11PM FREE

THURS, JAN 5. 7.30PM £20

With everyone else under the sun reforming, it’s a surprise Morrissey and Johnny Marr haven’t picked up the phone yet, but they haven’t. Until they do, The Smyths – the Smiths band of Smiths fans for fans of the Smiths – is the closest you’ll get. Tonight they’re playing the setlist from the Smiths’ final gig, and a greatest hits set too.

Paul Baumer and Maarten Hoogstraten had a hectic 2011 by anyone’s standards: a summer smash hit in the shape of Cry (Just A Little), constant airplay, festivals left, right and centre. They’re set to continue their ascent in 2012, and they kick off the year with this Sunday show at one of south London’s liveliest DJ bars.

Ever wondered what the theme tune to Once Upon A Time In The West would sound like played by five demented loons using, among other things, cornflakes and coathangers as instruments? Now’s your chance to find out, with the SWO playing the songs from the films that made Clint Eastwood famous.

Islington Academy 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS o2academyislington.co.uk

Gigalum 7-8 Cavendish Parade, SW4 9DW gigalum.com Clapham South

Queen Elizabeth Hall Southbank, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk

Angel

Waterloo

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Clockwise from top left: Daniel Radcliffe in The Woman In Black; Sacha Baron Cohen's The Dictator; Howler; Flux Pavillion; This Means War; The Amazing Spider-Man; Lianne La Havas; Young Adult; and Clock Opera.

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The future starts here From CIA agents fighting over a girl, to the singer-songwriter who will steal your heart, 2012 has it all WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON Forget the Mayans, 2012 is the year in which everything goes seriously right. With cinema set to return with the biggest blockbusters and coolest indie flicks in yonks, and a clutch of new artists and bands set to break through, now’s the time to find out exactly what you can’t afford to miss.

∑ THE FILMS This year’s Juno: Young Adult The team behind 2007’s Oscar-winning Juno – director Jason Reitman and writer Diablo Cody – are back for this Charlize Theron-starring dramedy, laced with Cody’s fizzing, acerbic pop-culture skewering dialogue, about a writer who returns to her home town to win back her now happily married high school sweetheart. Cody’s sophomore screenplay Jennifer’s Body was a flop so she’ll be looking to hit back at her one-hit wonder critics, so expect fireworks aplenty here. Released February 10

The funny one: The Dictator

The Marvel-lous one: The Avengers Geek-god Joss Whedon directs this comic-book-movie tagteam – Marvel Studios’ ambitious amalgamation of their characters – with Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and Hulk putting together their not discernible differences to save the world. Expect smash-bang action spectacle, comic-book references aplenty, Samuel L Jackson to kick arse as eyepatched Nick Fury, and Robert Downey Jr to steal the show as the wisecracking billionaire playboy Tony Stark. Released April 27

The one for the ladies: This Means War Two of the world’s hottest young stars – Captain Kirk Chris Pine and soon-to-be Mad Max Tom Hardy – star as hotshot CIA agents and best friends who clash, in spectacular ways, when they both fall for the same girl. Spy-fi histrionics (think Jason Bourne with a case of jealousy), sharp-suited cool and ultra-smart dialogue make this a refreshing spin on the boy(and other boy) meets-girl set up. Released February 17 ››

Former Ali G – Sacha Baron Cohen, the man who outraged everyone with Borat and Bruno – is at it again in this Saddam Hussein-Gaddafi-inspired tale of a eccentric fictional General Alladeen, who “risked his life to ensure that democracy will never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed“, and released a statement about the passing of Kim Jong Il in which he reflected on ’K-Jo’ as: “An extraordinary man, he did so much to spread compassion, wisdom and uranium throughout the world.“ Boundaries are sure to be pushed once more, with plenty ready to take offence. Released May 18

The reboot: The Amazing Spider-Man The franchise was only launched nine years ago with Tobey Maguire as the webslinger and Evil Dead head honcho Sam Raimi at the helm, but it’s back to radioactive spider basics already with this origin story with superstar-in-waiting Andrew Garfield’s (The Social Network) Spidey battling Rhys Ifans’ The Lizard. Appropriately surnamed director Marc Webb (500 Days Of Summer) ensures this take on Peter Parker will be full of youthful exuberance, and IMAX 3D too. Released July 4

Nobody told Dry The River or Downey Jr (above) Movember was over

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Tom Hardy as bat foe Bane (left) and the spectastic Spector The period chiller: The Woman in Black Potter’s gone but Daniel Radcliffe is moving on, his first post-Hogwarts release being this adaptation of Susan Hill’s enduring ghost tale in which he plays a lawyer who encounters a vengeful spirit in a remote English village. Eden Lake director James Watkins brings the period chills and is sure to show there’s more to the boy wizard than spells. Released February 10

The big one: The Dark Knight Rises Rumours are Christopher Nolan has been getting all emotional over this, his third and final Bat-outing. He vowed only to return if he could go one better than his Oscar-winning The Dark Knight and, judging by the newly unveiled trailer and hysteria surrounding the six-minute IMAX screening prologue, Rises looks set to do just that. With muscled maniac Batfoe Bane (a seriously pumped-up Tom Hardy, again), Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman, as well as Christian Bale’s gravel-voiced hero and the batwing, this is the summer movie to beat. Released July 20

ØAND THE BANDS... The superstar to be: Azealia Banks This rapidly rising, Harlem-bred firecracker topped the NME’s cool list and has but a handful of UK shows to her name. Single 212, with its filthy, flirty and none-funkier beats heralds a new superstar’s arrival. East coast meets west coast: Howler Debut EP This One’s Different cemented their arrival and with long player America, Give Up due to hit in Jan, this Minneapolis bunch’s west coast sunshine vibes-meets-east coast ‘tude garage-surf rock makes The Strokes look – and sound – positively geriatric by comparison. The new Noah: Dry The River Set to ride the folk-rock revival to mainstream success, Dry The River grew from 2009’s solo-project beginnings when Norwegian-born frontman Peter Liddle hired his mates. March’s debut album Shallow Bed and subsequent headline tour will send them stratospheric. The sharp-suited popsters: Spector These east London indie-popsters have the sharp suits, sultry specs, and soaring, swooning melodies – the style and the substance – to prevail in 2012. A debut album and Florence And The Machine support slot won’t hurt their chances much either. The singer-songwriter storyteller: Lianne La Havas Her jaw-droppingly haunting performance on Jools Holland’s Later ... last October supporting debut LP Lost And Found, saw Lianne go from an under the radar ‘who?’, to sold-out dates in Jan/Feb as one of next year’s hottest stars. Check out Willy Mason duet No Room For Doubt. The surprise package: Clock Opera Electro-rock-pop with pensive psychedelia and ambient awkwardness, Clock Opera (led by Guy Connelly) have risen to prominence with a slew of remixes en route to April debut Ways To Forget.

Scarlett Johansson in The Avengers 18

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The real dubstep deal: Flux Pavillion This dubstep newcomer’s Bass Cannon propelled him into the public consciousness and saw him Zane Lowe-d as the hottest record of the week. Recent Tweets boast" recording my first string section – that’s why I love music". And that’s why people are going to love him.

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Go to tntmagazine.com/competitions. See webpage for terms and conditions. Winners will be selected at random.

GYM MEMBERSHIPS & BEAUTY VOUCHERS TNT and Fitrooms have joined forces to give two lucky readers a six-month membership each. One runner-up will also win five pilates taster sessions, a fourth entrant will win five personal training sessions while a fifth reader will take home spa and beauty vouchers worth £50 to spend on any choice of treatment, massage or sunbed sessions. Fitrooms in Fulham is one of the best-equipped health clubs in London, with outstanding facilities including: a state-of-the-art gym, a huge workout studio, a full-size boxing ring,

a freeweights area, a pilates room and a fantastic spa and steam room. Enter at

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AIRPORT VOUCHERS READER OFFER! If you call Fitrooms on 020 7610 1410 and quote ‘TNT’ you can join the gym and get January FREE! (But hurry, offer limited to the first 50 places). Fitrooms is located at 254-258 North End Rd, Fulham. See

fitrooms.com for more details.

WE WANT YOUR THOUGHTS! Each week, TNT wants to know what you think about the issues of the week – the newsmakers, the hot topics, the best travel destinations, even the magazine itself. The letter judged best each issue will receive a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker, so get writing and let the world know what’s on your mind.

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GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

Anon

Crayons are a lot like M&M’s... All the colours taste the same

EMAIL YOUR THOUGHT LETTERS@TNTMAGA S TO ZINE.COM

What do you call a cheap tanning place? Outside In Spain

OFFENSIVE?

Stevie

In response to Tom Sturrock’s ‘Our View’ (TNT 1476) in which he writes ‘being offended doesn’t entitle you to anything’. Tom, you are an amoral degenerate. Nothing is sacred to you and your ilk anymore, is it? You just rip into people’s belief structures and morals under the guise of ‘freedom of speech’. Words hurt, Tom. Elizabeth Hoffman, via email

Apparently going onto Wikipedia and adding Jesus to the list of ‘famous fictional jews’ is enuf to earn you a ban Merry

Xmas

Daveo - You’re like a euro...Two faced and worthless. goodbye

Emma from Barnes

I absolutely hate it when people misuse the word literall y, it literally makes my brain explode

Juliette

Santa’s workshop to be shut down. It’s elf and safety gone mad

Rudolph

Stavros, get out a bit more. No mate, liking that girl’s bikini picture won’t get her messaging you for a shag

The 34a Crew

TNTMAGAZINE.

NO DEAL, KLM

KLM’s meet and seat matching via Facebook doesn’t do much for me. At the prices that KLM charge, I would expect to get a choice of high-class hookers and a bottle of 20-year-old single malt whiskey to entertain me during the ﬂight. Leonard Ramone, via Facebook

A NEW START

Now US troops are out of Iraq the people can get on with living. No matter what the reason for the war, the freedom of the Iraqis’ was most important. Sam Williams, via email

LIFE AS A GRINCH

I enjoyed your alternative Xmas guide (TNT 1476).

I can’t stand Xmas. Far too commercial for my tastes. I’ll take the holiday though! Charlie, via email XMAS FOOD ISRAEL /72

COM

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PREVIOUS WINNERS VIA TNTMAGAZINE: £5500 OF TRAVEL Alex Cheong

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/ 34

I saw the top 10 list for male ﬂaws. My man has them all but I still thinks he’s perfect. I wonder what the female list would look like? My partner would probably say: 1. Can’t cook steak 2. Underrates a good beer 3. Drinks lager 4. Buys shit that she doesn’t really need 5. Swears too much 6. Likes Glee 7. Hogs the bed 8. Threatens physical violence if snoring continues. 9. Repeats herself 9. Repeats herself 10. Completely feral. Rebecca Clark, via

Facebook

Rebecca wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventu res.com

YOUR TWEETS

Tweet us @tntmagazine @RichardDawkins: Christopher Hitchens, finest orator time, fellow horseman, of our valiant fighter against all tyrants including God @menshumour: It’s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad. @blackstewie: 85% of my regrets involve hitting “send”

YOUR FACEBOOK

Neoma Light: Re: Australia Day 2012. I’ve already booked the two days off ... one for Australia Day & one for liver and head recovery!!!! Albert Cedro: I’d probably visit Michael Jackson’s house now it’s open for tourists. Depends if they’ve cleaned the stains out... Lara Jones: First London snow of the winter, woohoo! Don’t care how much the English grumble, this little Aussie loves it!

Photos: Thinkstock

* Messages cost 25p each + standard rate. 18+ bill payers network only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

GO THE BIG MAN

In regards to the ‘Scotrail No Ticket’ video (YouTube it!), I’m on the Big Man’s side. Too many people, like the teenager, are disrespectful and swear in front of women and children. His excuse: that he had a few drinks ... so bloody what? He learned more during that two minutes than he has in all his young adult years. I hope he remembers that and respects others! Clint Heine, via Facebook

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Bazza

I thought it would another 10 years be before the US left Iraq. Who’d have thought they’d get thru the oil that quick?

Bushy

Photos: Fitrooms

Feral? Or kinda cute?

81707*

Lauren? the sexy blonde who lived 400kms from wogga. I met you at she bu walkie after the santa pub crawl. Get in Touch

tntjobs.co.uk REDBRIDGE TUITION GROUP T: 07927 186902 www.redbridgetuition.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Tutor Location: Barnet Salary: Competitive

We are an established and highly regarded tutoring service. We offer an encouraging and motivating environment for children to study.

Qualified teachers with knowledge of 11+ required for one year’s contract to work with us during out of school hours. Full training and support provided. .

WIDE RANGE MARKETING SPECIALIST

JOB OF THE WEEK: Office Administration / Admin Assistant Location: Croydon Salary: £14,000 Plus

T: 07961 987997 alexogun@hotmail.co.uk

The candidate needs to be able to work well within a team and have strong communication skills. They will also be expected to hit the ground running, whilst being a quick and efficient learner. Typical Duties: Sort correspondence, Support to the Accounts team, General admin work, Ensuring the office is well stocked, Documentation management, Monitor and help with database and stock management, Meeting, agendas and scheduling

We are a successful and growing business based in Croydon

Rupa Harji | 07927 186 902 | info@redbridgetuition.co.uk

alexogun@hotmail.co.uk | 07961 987997

PPA EDUCATION LTD T: 020 7421 4999 www.ppaeducation.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Early Years Foundation Stage Coordinator Location: East London Salary: Upwards of £35k

PPA Education provides teaching and support staff to schools to schools across all ages In London and the surrounding areas.

PPA Education is working with an Outstanding School in East London to source a Qualified Teacher to lead the Early Years Foundation Stage. This will be a one year contract. James Murphy | 0207 421 4999 | james@ppaeducation.com

ARBORAIL INDUSTRIES LIMITED T: 07715 33290

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chainsaw Operators Location: Merstham, Surrey Salary: On Application

Aussie run Arboricultural company based in Merstham, Surrey. Vegetation Clearance and Maintenance. Looking for hard working individuals with experience.

Chainsaw Tickets or experience in this field. We work on Network Rail sites therefore must have or, be prepared to obtain a Personal Track Safety card to work with us.Please enquire for further details..

CLASSROOM LIMITED

JOB OF THE WEEK: Year 3 Classroom Teacher opportunity – February start Location: South London Salary: Depending upon experience

T: 020 7636 0600 www.classroomteachers.co.uk

Emma | 07715 332908 | arborail@yahoo.com

Classroom is an established recruitment services provider, providing exceptional levels of service. Our dedicated teams of consultants have a wealth of teaching expertise and

This fantastic South London primary school are looking for a motivated and talented Year 3 teacher to fill a maternity leave cover beginning in February 2012. The successful candidate will boast solid experience in teaching KS2, exceptional adaptability and excellent and creative classroom management. Nicole Morgan-Cole | Tel: 020 7636 0600 | nicole@classroomteachers.co.uk

SLIM JIMS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Membership Sales Advisor Location: Slim Jims Broadgate Circus Salary: £2k per month (O.T.E)

T: 020 7247 9982 www.slim-jims.co.uk Slim Jims is the longest standing Health Club in The City. We have a great team , great members and great facilities.

January is the time gyms in The City are at their busiest and we need someone to help us out in selling the Club to potential new member, you must be articulate, energetic, friendly, honest and able to sell. Experience in a health club environment ideal but not essential. Temp contract. Proof of legal ability to work in the uk will be requested. ian.hassett@theplaygategroup.co.uk

GALLOWGLASS T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew. You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work antisocial hours and have a can-do attitude. CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

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Sam Simmons The absurdist comedian on taco kits, audience participation and why old ladies love him INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

Your show Meanwhile has a lot of musical interludes and a trolley full of props – what’s the inspiration? I was in Edinburgh last year and I had to get up at an improv comedy night and make something up on the spot. My prop was an Old el Paso taco kit, and that was it – I went, ‘I am going to write a show around that.’ And it has been pretty well received, and nominated for a big award at the Edinburgh festival. If people go with it, then it’s a really fun show, it’s heaps of fun, unless you are a group of 70 dentists, that is. Seventy dentists …? At one of the early shows in the run, there was a group booking of dentists for their Christmas party and the problem with that is it becomes their night. It was the night from hell!! Your show can be quite divisive… It was more divisive that night than usual, but it can be one of the best things to attach yourself to the villain. I love a villain in comedy, in cartoons, like a Dick Dastardly or Skeletor, so I was trying to recreate that. But why would so many people come and see an absurdist comedian and sit there and be apathetic?

Meanwhile has a lot of audience interaction – does it ever go wrong? It has only gone wrong once before, but that is part of the show, making fun of audience interaction. I think making fun of someone is quite lazy comedy. You know – ‘Where are you from? Germany…oh no!’ That sort of thing. So I try to play with that. Do the public surprise you? I normally pick them out before the show, I look through the curtains because you can tell from someone’s face if they are gentle or not, and more often than not it really does work. Do you ever regret your stage choice of blue vest and matching pants? No, it’s fine, and it helps because it gets hot and I bound around so much. It’s not like I wear tiny shorts in every single live show that I’ve done. But in this one the combination is hysterical.

Sam Simmons: surrealist animal lover There is a lot of material crammed in to every moment of your show, there is little room for pause … I like that because what I do is different and not really comparable to other stuff going on. I have worked hard to do that, I don’t want to be a straight stand-up. I want to do something innovative. But because it’s different if I give you a moment to stop and think, maybe you’ll stop and think it is a bit shit. So I pummel them with stuff so they haven’t got time to doubt. Do people have expectations of what an Australian comedian will be? Over here, there’s a bigger thirst for absurdist comedy. But UK audiences expect an Australian to be straighter, not to be absurd, to be more like Brendan Burns or Adam Hills, so it confronts them seeing an Australian being an idiot. When did you decide you wanted to be a comedian? I kind of fell into it. But I’d never call myself a comedian. What do you consider your job title? Broadcaster, because of my radio stuff. I was nearly a zookeeper back in Australia, I only had a couple of months left to study, and it is something I want to return to. It’s a necessary life skill, rather than being a professional clown.

Do you get some weird reactions to your show? I have had old ladies give me standing ovations and old ladies stand up and boo. I have run the gauntlet of all audience reactions. What ideas have you for the next show? I am trying to write it right now. I have been hanging out in galleries and museums and looking at taxidermies of animals, that sort of thing. I was home a few weeks ago trying to construct an Ikea flatpack coffee table, which was a source of much frustration, and I thought it might be interesting to stand on stage and try and do that. But then again … I haven’t stopped in about two years. Is it true you have a goat tattoo on your arse? Yeah, it was to raise money for the charity Wires [Australian wildlife rescue organisation] which helps a lot of the livestock and native animals threatened when there’s a bushfire in Australia. I said I’d get the tattoo if we raised $10,000 and we raised more than double that. Sam Simmons: Meanwhile runs until Jan 7 at Soho Theatre. £10-£17.50 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE sohotheatre.com Tottenham Court Road

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‘What do you mean you don’t find stealing children’s milk funny?’

THE IRON LADY FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Anthony Head | 12A | 105mins

GOON FILM review STARRING: Seann William Scott, Jay Baruchel, Alison Pill | 15 | 93mins

Scott stars in this comedy as a nicebut-dim bouncer whose way with his fists makes him an unlikely ice hockey hero. Goon adheres to sports movie cliches (underdog suffers setbacks then prevails) and Scott’s romance with Pill’s groupie never sparks, but its foul-mouthed, bloody and bruised spirit keeps it swinging through to the end. On general release from Jan 6

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Eyebrows were raised when Meryl Streep was cast as Margaret Thatcher – how could a non-Brit succeed in the role? – yet the two-time Oscar winner is sure to again receive academy noms for her astonishing portrayal of The Iron Lady. The film in which she is cast, though, is a curious beast, which focuses on the personal at the expense of the political to give an unbalanced portrayal. Told through flashbacks as a dementia-suffering Thatcher shuffles about her home, talking to her deceased husband Denis (Jim Broadbent) amid confusion she is still prime minister, we get a potted history of the moments that shaped the young Margaret Roberts – the motivations that fuelled one of this country’s most divisive figures, the patriarchal society she bested, and the sacrifices she made as her family took a backseat to her political ambition. But Abi Morgan’s script shows us too little of the political world, or indeed the world at large. Archive footage shows the poll tax riots, one sequence shows protesters calling her “a monster”, and there are those manoeuvring within her party to see her ousted, but there’s too little of her government’s impact on the public or of the political steps that got her to power in the first place. Streep’s performance anchors the film, capturing Thatcher’s traits without mere mimicry, revealing the person behind ‘the monster’. Thatcher explains to her physician at one point she’s interested “in thoughts, not feelings”, and it’s a shame Phyllida Lloyd’s film has too much of the latter and not enough of the former. GOOD FOR: Streep’s performance and seeing the woman behind the public portrayal

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GIVE US A

MONKEY BUSINESS

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

This north London comedy gem is a must for anyone who likes their life with a barrel-load of laughs. This evening’s show features top standup Andy Storey, Tom Craine (pictured) trialling new material, alongside a line-up chock-full of established acts and newbies, all of which is marshalled by MC Martin Besserman.

Ha ha!

The Oxford NW5 2AA. Jan 5. £6.50 monkeybusiness comedyclub.co.uk Kentish Town

PRIVATE EYE: THE FIRST 50 YEARS

SLAVA’S SNOWSHOW

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Its satirical eye on politics, the royal family and society as a whole has got it into trouble – and numerous court cases – over the years. That rich history is explored in this career-spanning exhibition, featuring magazine covers, extensive cartoons by the likes of Gerald Scarfe, and exhibits from its five decades. Ends this week.

This gentle, magical show combines theatrical clowning with stunning spectacle and still does what creator Slava Polunin set out to do back in 1993: to turn us all into wide-eyed children. This is particularly evident as young and not-soyoung join in the playful finale as the performers clamber over the seats to the exit. LK

V&A Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL. Until Jan 8. Free vam.ac.uk South Kensington

Royal Festival Hall South Bank Centre, SE1 8XX. Until Jan 8. From £20 slavasnowshow.co.uk Waterloo

MAX AND IVAN What’s your show Max And Ivan Are Holmes And Watson about? Max: It’s an award-winning twoman narrative sketch comedy about Sherlock Holmes’ final adventure. Have you always been big Holmes and Watson fans? Ivan: The TV series and the films are fantastic – I understand they’ve recently been adapted into a series of stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. What do you deal with hecklers? I: How do you deal with your mum? M: Masterfully, as you can see …

Photos: Getty; John Hunter; Johan Persson

Weirdest gig you’ve done? I: Once it was just me and a bunch of Japanese businessmen in a cellar...

MOTHER AND CHILD

NOISES OFF

FILM

THEATRE

STARRING: Annette Benning, Naomi Watts, Kerry Washington |15 | 126mins A star-studded ensemble cast convenes for this multi-stranded drama (from the producer of Babel) about three women – one living with guilt over the child she abandoned; a daughter who’s never known her biological mother; and a barren woman looking to adopt – and the relationships between parent and child.

The laughs keep on coming in this ingeniously constructed comedy, which leaves you wondering how the cast will maintain the frenetic pace throughout its run. Lindsay Posner’s precisely orchestrated revival of this 1982 multiaward-winning tale of fictional touring farce “Nothing On”is stunningly great fun. LK

On general release from Jan 6

Old Vic The Cut, SE1 8NB. Until March 10. £10£49.50 oldvictheatre.com Waterloo

What scares you in the world? M: Death, inequality, corruption and human rights issues. I: Just buttons. Tell us a secret ... I: Max is a sound sleeper, with a bedroom window easily opened with a screwdriver. He has warm but rough hands. Perfect. Max And Ivan: Are Holmes And Watson. Jan 12-14 & 19-21. £10 3NE

Soho Theatre, W1D Tott Crt Road

sohotheatre.com

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SPARETIME

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

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Child of Eden Playstation 3

Save Eden from a virus in this unique action game, with music by Genki Rockets. £11.99 amazon.co.uk

DVD

The music from the film of the moment, feat. Karen O. £13.99 sainsburys.co.uk

Boom Street Joyful Noise soundtrack

Wii

Play the stock and real estate markets to get filthy rich. It’s boom or bust. £29.99 amazon.co.uk

And you thought you’d never see Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah on the same album. £9.23 amazon.co.uk

Resolutions 2012 iPhone app

Caroline Buchanan: The 15 Minute Rule

It’s like a resolutions bootcamp in your phone. £0.63 itunes.apple.com

Book

A little kickstart in doing the jobs you’ve been putting off for ages. £6.07 whsmith.co.u

Frisbee Fever Android app

It’s too cold to play outside, so get some frisbee action on your phone. Free

Jonathan Tropper: This Is Where I Leave You

market.android.com

Kindle book

A wry and comic novel about a family mourning the death of the patricach. £7.94 amazon.co.uk

Electronic Cigarette starter kit Gadget

Trying to give up? These reproduce the vapour, flavour and look of the real thing. £39.99

Christine Bleakley Workout

skycig.co.uk

DVD

ITV’s daybreak presenter finally gets off the couch. £13.99 bbcshop.com

Tribal design iPad case iPad cover

Did you get a new iPad for Christmas? Jazz it up. £36.60 zazzle.co.uk

Elite Squad: The Enemy Within DVD

A sequel to the controversial 2007 film about two friends who join Rio’s corrupt Military Police Department. £8.95 thehut.com

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App of the Week 100 Places To See Before You Die iPad app

Have you vowed to travel more this year? This is a great place to start for inspiration. Start ticking them off. Good luck! Free itunes.apple.com

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Check suit jacket This’ll give your working wardrobe a swanky lift, without breaking the bank.

Cap-sleeve rufflefront dress Put some frills and thrills into your office environment.

Coleen watercolour dress Bold print, classic cut: it’s a splash of sunshine for the winter. littlewoods.com

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Most of us wear shoes with the luxury of cushioning, padding, arch support, midsoles and all the other fandangled features. However, a pop-up shop is trying to persuade us that our money is better spent on footwear that does precisely the opposite. Vivobarefoot sells ‘barefoot’ shoes for men, women and children, for a range of purposes. The brand’s patented feature is an ultra-thin, puncture-resistant sole, hinged on research that 70 per cent of the brain’s information for movement comes from the nerves on the soles of our feet. The shoes are made ethically, and there’s even a range for vegans. This pop-up is staffed by certified coaches, who offer personal consultations with video gait and plantar pressure analysis. Granted, not everyone’s sold on the benefits, but if curiosity kills you, pay them a visit. OPEN Mon–Sat, 10am–7pm; Sun noon–6pm, until at least Jan 31 COST About £100 a pair vivobarefoot.com 14 Great Marlborough St, W1

Dale chinos A tidy pair of bottoms that work for after-hours drinks, too.

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

KRANKING Luckily, kranking with a k doesn’t mean the same as the slang term, but this version is still all about using your arms. A big exercise trend in the US, kranking works the same wonders for arms as spinning does for legs. The state-of-the-art machines, which look like upturned bikes, work your arms as you pedal with them. And not only does kranking improve muscle tone in your upper limbs, it works the shoulders, chest and back too. Plus, it strengthens your core as you stabilise your body. Sporty types can krank as part of a group of six, competing against each other while attached to heart monitors, which tracks progress and spurs you on to krank harder. It’s a great way to keep up that new year’s resolution of toning your upper body, and like spinning, it burns calories in a big way. If just kranking isn’t enough for you, Virgin Active in Barbican also runs krank fusion classes, which involves a mix of kranking and spinning, so you work your lower body too. Half-hour sessions happen at Virgin Active Barbican throughout the week in the morning, evening and at lunchtimes. Membership costs from £59.95 per month. Hopefully there won’t be any tears.

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Time for change It’s a new year, new you, as the saying goes, so make the pledge and for once, follow it through WORDS REBECCA KENT

Making a new year’s resolution is easy. Seeing it through isn’t. In fact, research shows many of us have given up on making any altogether. But if you’ve vowed to give up the fags, get into that tight dress, or save money in 2012, here are some expert tips.

Forget resolutions, create a goal Psychologically, you’ll fare better from the go by junking the ‘r’ word altogether. “Do not set a resolution,” says Rachel Bamber, a life coach with Brighter Thinking (rachelbamber.com). “Instead, set a uniquely worded tangible goal with a clear deadline.”

Create a story aligned with your goal Shrugging your shoulders and uttering an irresolute “not much” when a friend asks “What have you been up to?” indicates you’re already forgetting about your journey towards the new you. Bamber says: “You need to create a new story about what you are doing that you are telling yourself and others, which is important for self-belief.

So replying with something like, ‘I’m really excited about going to new places, as I like meeting new people’, has more energy and works as a positive affirmation.”

Trying to start a nest egg? Muster the loose change lying around your house, empty out the penny collection in the pint glass you nicked from the pub, change all the foreign currency you’ve kept from trips abroad, and make a trip to the bank. Clem Chambers, CEO of shares website, advfn.com, says. “Bank it into an investment or savings account. It’s a good way to kickstart a goal to save.”

Shout it out from the rooftops Tell friends and family what your goal is and ask them for a reminder how much you want it when you stray, says Dr Christine Bundy, a psychologist with Simple skincare (simple. co.uk). “Research shows us that if you make it public that you plan to make a change you are more likely to implement that change.

97 Aldersgate Street, EC1A 4JP virginactive.co.uk Barbican

Quit the fags: find a healthy obsession instead 26

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Start now: don’t let time escape

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Pink grapefuit hand gel For a sweet-smelling wash £2.49 methodproducts.co.uk

See the light ... once you’ve reached your goal Find a healthy obsession Want to get fit? Then write down the reasons why, says Dan Roberts, of Dan Roberts Training (danrobertstraining.com). “Think about aesthetic, performance, your identity, and the social and health benefits. This will help cultivate a mini, yet healthy, obsession with exercise and being fit will become a part of who you are.”

Give up already If you keep making and breaking a resolution, consider relinquishing it entirely. “Put your energy toward smaller resolutions that give you a bigger happiness boost,” NEXT WEEK says Gretchen Rubin, of Weird world the Happiness Project of detoxing (happiness-project.com).

MAKE AN ALTERNATIVE RESOLUTION Lose weight, exercise more, drink less. Yep, heard them all before. Make some that are far less predictable. Here are our ideas: 1.Get yourself into the Guinness World Records. The options are limitless. Try balancing 76 pint glasses on your chin, for example. 2. Bury a time capsule. Start with a TOWIE DVD, a picture of Simon Cowell’s face, a Lady Gaga CD, an iPhone loaded with Angry Birds, feet-nibbling fish ... 3. Learn how to belch the alphabet. The mother of all party tricks, surely. 4. Take the bus, Overground, or a London Duck, just don’t take the Tube. Anywhere. 5. Recite Matt Damon’s speech in Good Will Hunting on the podium at Speakers’ Corner, Hyde Park ... in a Jamaican accent, just to spice things up.

Jelly Belly mini bath set Scrub up like a jelly bean £7.00 debenhams.com

Ed Hardy Love & Luck Man EDT The smell of Tokyo night £29.99 superdrug.com

Photos: Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: NJAVARAKIZHI You might find it easier to get your tongue around the English translation, rice bolus massage. Either way, it’s an odd-sounding, but highly nourishing treatment, where your body is massaged using a specially prepared concoction of rice, herbs and milk, wound up in a warm bolus bag. It’s rather left-field, but said to be excellent for sorting out aching joints and bones. It is also a great recovery boost for athletes. £60.00

Have rice dreams

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2012 THE YEAR AHEAD WORDS TOM STURROCK

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Apocalypse now? When it comes to 2012, a lot of people have been staring into the crystal ball for a long time and plenty have concluded that it’s going to be a really bad year. Like, really bad. Not just one of those years when there’s a shitty English summer and your football team comes last, but apocalyptically bad. But, even if the world doesn’t end this year, it promises to be turbulent enough. There are flashpoints across the globe – Iran, North Korea, Syria – what will happen? Will there be elections in Zimbabwe? Will US president Barack Obama win a second term? Will Julian Assange ring in the new year in Guantanamo Bay? Could it George Clooney’s year at the Academy Awards? And, most importantly, will the Poms win more medals than the Aussies at the Olympics?

History beckons for Barcelona

The end of the world as we know it

The Supreme Leader v3.0

Welcome to 2012, the year it all comes crashing down. Well, supposedly. The Mayan’s 5000-year countdown to the end of the world is the best-known projection of this year’s apocalypse – even though, on closer inspection, scholars have concluded that, actually, it’s not quite as precise as we’ve been led to believe. There are plenty of other theories that this will be a very bad year for a lot of people – the native American believed that we’ll go from the fourth world to the fifth world around this December’s winter solstice; Timewave zero numerologists believe the universe will become uniquely “interconnected”; others predict a geomagnetic reversal triggered by a solar flare; while others, having been tipped off by aliens, are braced for Earth’s collision with the planet Nibiru. Stay tuned.

Just before Christmas, Kim Jong-Il shuffled off this mortal coil, paving the way for his chubby-faced, 20-something son, Kim Jong-un, to succeed him as North Korea’s Supreme Leader. No one is quite sure what that means yet, particularly as verifiable reports out of Pyongyang are few and far between. But it appears Jong-un will share power with a council of military leaders, who, rather than launching a coup, have pledged their support to their new boss. Initially, there were concerns that, in a show of strength, Jong-un might lob a few proverbial grenades over the border into South Korea but Pyongyang’s bread is buttered in Beijing and China is not at all keen on the Korean peninsula blowing up into a hot war. Indeed, Beijing has even indicated that the young ruler could be ‘a reformer’ – don’t hold your breath.

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The Champions League final will be played in Munich on May 19 and, if the results of past seasons are anything to go by, Spanish giants Barcelona will be there. Of course, there are still 16 teams left in the competition so there’s plenty of football to be played, beginning on February 14 when Barça travel to Bayer Leverkusen. But Barcelona has the chance this year to cement their status as the greatest football side of the modern era; should they lift the Champions League trophy in Munich, they will be the first team since AC Milan in 1989-90 to defend their title and it would make it three wins in four years for the Catalan giants – you have to go back to Bayern Munich in the mid-Seventies for that kind of European success.

US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

‘Please Allah, I want a nuke’: Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; (above) the final reckoning Sabres rattling on Iran The drumbeat for war has already begun in the US, and the propaganda campaign, focusing on Iran’s nuclear programme and its aggression toward Israel, will be ratcheted up in coming months. The phrase du jour, “all options are on the table”, barely conceals the fact that covert operations – including support for armed opposition groups, assassinations of Iranian scientists, cyber warfare and attacks on military and missile installations – have already begun. After the toll in blood and treasure taken by the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, it is hard to believe the Obama Administration – or an incoming Republican president – will commit US forces to another lengthy occupation. More likely, precision strikes would be undertaken to satisfy an increasingly bullish Israel, who the US will not allow to go crashing into Iran unilaterally.

Test cricket’s heavyweight bout This year’s big showdown in Test cricket will take place in July and August, when South Africa arrive in England for a three-match series. England, of course, are the world’s number one side, having despatched Australia and India during the past 12 months. South Africa, admittedly, don’t have England’s impressive winning form but, equally, have only lost one series in the past five years, so deserve points for consistency. They have an even, experienced batting line-up as well as a handful of rolled-gold matchwinners, meaning it should be an absolute bumper series. If England win, they will be able to claim they are the ››

American voters will head to the polls in November, faced with a choice between returning Barack Obama to the White House for a second term and throwing him out in favour of a Republican candidate. The challenger has not yet been decided, the Republican primaries to drag on into mid-year. But, Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney (below) appears most likely to go toe-to-toe with Obama, although former Speaker Newt Gingrich and Texas congressman Ron Paul are still in the hunt. In normal circumstances, Obama would be in real trouble – unemployment is high and his approval ratings are low – but the Republicans have had such trouble finding a decent candidate that he is in the box seat to win a second term. As with any president seeking re-election, Obama faces a referendum on his first term, which began in the mire of the financial meltdown inherited from George Bush. Obama will rightly claim that these straitened times were not of his making but US voters can have short memories. The election will also be a referendum on the direction of the Republican Party. Since Obama’s 2008 inauguration, the so-called Grand Old Party has become increasingly shrill and obstructionist, spending much of the past three years indulging conspiracy theories about the president’s birth certificate, before using their majority in the House of Representatives to bring the wheels of government to a grinding halt. The Republicans’ problem is that they have become increasingly beholden to the zeal of the Tea Party, a far-right protest movement hell-bent on radically reducing the role of government in American life. While the Tea Party, cheered on by the nakedly pro-Republican Fox News, has reinvigorated the party’s base, it has also dragged it toward the fringe, away from the independent voters of Middle America, who are, as any pollster will tell you, the ones who decide elections.

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David Silva rather than building a side the old-fashioned way, through shrewd buys and developing their own players.

Oscar glory for gorgeous George

Clockwise: being mayor of London is like juggling vegetables; Roger Federer; Manchester City stars Sergio Aguero and David Silva

The Academy Awards, held every February, are, of course, flawed – actors and directors can be rewarded for a body of work rather than for their most recent film; comedy is habitually overlooked; and some films or actors just get lucky, a case of right film, right year. This year, there’s no clear frontrunner in the best picture category, although The Artist and Warhorse are tipped to be widely nominated. In a stacked best actor category, George Clooney (below), in The Descendants, could be the one to beat, although Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling and Leonardo DiCaprio are all in with a shot. On the other side, Meryl Streep’s portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady could secure her a remarkable 17th nomination.

London’s mayoral elections

absolute, undisputed top dogs; if they lose, bragging rights will belong to the Proteas. Given the stakes, it’s a pity, then, that it’s only three Tests instead of four or five.

The summer after the Arab Spring The momentum toward democratic reform in the Arab world is unlikely to slow in 2012 but the implications remain uncertain. This year, countries where regimes have been overthrown will need to elect new governments. In Egypt, for example, the protesters who deposed the Mubarak regime now have their hands full trying to prevent power-hungry generals hijacking the revolution. Should a new government be formed in 2012, its composition will be telling – how much sway does the military hold and, assuming the Muslim Brotherhood is wellrepresented, what will that mean for Israel, with whom Egypt shares a border? Elsewhere, Libya’s National Transitional Council must cobble together some kind of consensus government without alienating regional militias, while, in the Middle East, Syria lurches toward bloody civil war.

Noisy neighbours on top Manchester United are accustomed to lording it over Manchester City, the club Alex Ferguson once derisively referred to as “the noisy neighbours”, but a major reversal of fortunes has occurred this season. By May, it’s possible City will have won their first title in the Premier League, which they are currently leading. Of course, money makes the world go round and City’s transformation has been bankrolled by a cabal of oil sheikhs. It means that, even if neutrals are happy to see the old order reversed, with United on the bottom for once, there’s a sense that City have taken a shortcut, splashing the cash to sign the likes of Sergio Aguero and 32

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On May 3, London will elect its mayor for the next four years, incumbent Boris Johnson going up against Labour candidate Ken Livingstone, who was London’s first mayor between 2000 and 2008. Polling has Johnson marginally ahead but it promises to be an entertaining campaign, as both men seem to regard amusing, outlandish public comment as part of their campaign platform. Johnson is a Tory toff, if an unusually likeable one, educated at Eton and Oxford, where he was a member of the elite Bullingdon Club. Livingstone, on the other hand, dropped out of school to find work and, in his 40-plus years as a member of the Labour party, earned the nickname ‘Red Ken’ for his left-wing views, including vocal support for the socialist policies of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez.

Golden age of men’s tennis In 2011, the pecking order of men’s tennis was profoundly reshaped, Novak Djokovic motoring past Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer during one of the most dominant years of the modern era. It sets up a mouth-watering 2012, which kicks off at the Australian Open later this month. Can Djokovic hold the ground annexed last year? Can Nadal parlay his superiority on clay into retaking the top spot? Does Federer, who finished the year impressively, have one final shot in the locker? Outside the top three, Andy Murray’s quest for a Grand Slam title continues and, for Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, the ballistic Frenchman, it’s now or never. Meanwhile, Australia’s Bernard Tomic, the world’s highest-ranked teenager, has set his sights on the top 20.

Protesters to make it count In the UK, austerity measures will continue to bite and, across the Atlantic, president Obama will seek re-election as a champion of the middle-class. It makes for fertile ground for protests against financial inequality, for the likes of the Occupy movement, who claim to guard the interests of the 99 per cent against the rapacious, corrosive appetites of the richest one per cent. The City of London has moved heaven and Earth to evict Occupy protesters from their campsite in front of St Paul’s cathedral but the movement ›› enjoys widespread sympathy

LONDON OLYMPICS

Clockwise: Jessica Ennis; Usain Bolt; Valerie Adams; James Magnussen

According to some, the London Olympics are going to be a disaster – they’ll cost too much, the Tube will break down, the city will be too busy. For the misery guts, there’s a laundry list of reasons having London host a massive two-week party, with a shitload of sport at its epicentre, is a terrible idea. For everyone else, though, this year’s Olympics, beginning on July 27, looms as one of the most memorable events of their time in London. The great thing about the Olympics is that audiences are exposed to sports which don’t normally get much of a run. Instead of the steady diet of cricket, football and rugby, spectators find themselves tuning into track and field, gymnastics and volleyball. And, of course, as with any sporting event, it’s hard to get away from the rivalry between the Brits and the Aussies. Team GB edged Australia in the medal count in Beijing, and banged on about it incessantly, ignoring the fact that it’s actually par for the course for a country’s medal count to spike before they host an Olympics. It

will be interesting to see who comes out on top this year – early projections, for what they’re worth, suggest it will be pretty close. If Usain Bolt defends the 100m and 200m titles won in Beijing, he will be the biggest story of the Games but heptathlete Jessica Ennis is the British poster-girl – she’s a former world champion and her face will be everywhere if she wins. The Aussies will, as usual, be pinning a lot of their medal hopes on their swimmers and, in 100m freestyle world champion James Magnussen, they have a real chance of glory in the sport’s glamour event – you have to go back to 1968 for an Australian winner. The Kiwis aren’t likely to feature as prominently in the medal ceremonies but Valerie Adams will start favourite in the shot put, having won in Beijing before claiming a third world title in Daegu, South Korea last year. So, even if the doom-and-gloom pessimists are right and the Tube does break down, it still promises to be a spectacular fortnight.

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ASSANGE EXTRADITION ‘Kevin, we talked about why you can’t be prime minister’ and popular support for its objective of limiting the ability of a rich minority to make and break their own rules. Occupy protesters have established a foothold in the public consciousness but must make their next move count.

Musical chairs in Australian politics It’s the worst-kept secret in Australian politics – prime minister Julia Gillard’s hold on power and her own party is desperately weak, inviting a leadership challenge some time this year. Unsurprisingly, one of the prospective challengers is Kevin Rudd, who steered Labor to victory in 2007 before being deposed by Gillard just months before the 2010 election. Rudd has stayed on as Gillard’s foreign minister but would surely relish the chance to force his way back into his old job if he thinks he has the numbers. Of course, it might be akin to shuffling the deckchairs on the Titanic because all the polling shows Labor heading for an electoral hiding in 2013. That said, opposition leader Tony Abbott is also unpopular – if Malcolm Turnbull was the leader of the Coalition, Labor would be even further behind in the polls.

Wallabies chasing All Blacks New Zealand are deserved world champions but Australia have already announced their mission to overhaul their trans-Tasman rivals as the world’s top team. Given their slightly anaemic, disorganised showing at the World Cup, the Wallabies have their work cut out but can take solace in the relative youth of their side and the fact that, as opposed to the exodus that followed the 2007 tournament, they are unlikely to lose many key players. Once the Super 15 is done and dusted, Australia and New Zealand will sink their teeth into touring northern sides in June, before the new fourway international competition that replaces the Tri-Nations begins in August, Argentina joining the Sanzar nations. Australian coach Robbie Deans has had enough time to build a squad – it’s time to put some wins on the board.

From February 1, the UK’s Supreme Court will hear the final appeal against the extradition of Julian Assange, the Australian founder of the Wikileaks website to face accusations of rape and sexual assault in Sweden. Assange (above), a computer hacker whose mission is to tear down the veil of government secrecy, became a hatefigure in some circles of American politics after Wikileaks published a series of embassy cables detailing high-level strategic discussions between the US State Department and its representatives abroad. Previously, Wikileaks had uploaded classified documents pertaining to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq but it was the publication of the embassy cables, subsequently syndicated by newspapers around the world, that prompted Sarah Palin to describe Assange as “an anti-American operative with blood on his hands” who should be hunted down like a terrorist. Assange’s supporters insist the rape allegations are totally confected, designed to tie him up in legal proceedings that have made it impossible for him to continue his work. There is also a concern that, should Assange be extradited to Sweden, he will then be handed over to US authorities, who might attempt to try him for espionage. So whatever happens next month, Assange will be one of the big stories of the year. Either he will be allowed to remain in Britain, essentially a free man, or he will become subject to another country’s justice system, where he could become increasingly vulnerable to powerful interests who would like to silence him permanently.

Expectations high for Euro 2012

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‘You score, we get you two hookers, si’

Photos: Getty

Hosted by Poland and Ukraine, this year’s European football championships kick off on June 8 and, as at any major tournament, English involvement will oscillate between premature optimism and the shrillest self-flagellation when they are inevitably bundled out. To be fair, Fabio Capello – who, barring a miracle, will be replaced after the tournament – has done a decent job of rebooting the England side after their sluggish performance at the 2010 World Cup. He’s blooded some impressive youngsters and, even with Wayne Rooney banned for the first two matches, England should get through the group stage before meeting either Italy or Croatia in the knock-out stage. From there, the smart money is on Spain to defend the title they won four years ago. ❚

NEW YEAR’S DAY SWIM Our favourite memory from 2011: crazy Dutch folk take a dip at Scheveningen beach on New Year’s Day. Maybe the alcohol consumption helped with the freezing temperatures, or their matching woollen hats – who knows?

Photos: Matt Cardy, Luis Davilla, Getty

INSIDE

FIT CLUB /36

DALMATIAN DELIGHT /42

THE TO-DO LIST /48

2012: a year in which you’ll stop drinking and eat healthily – well, for a little while. Here’s how to do it on holiday in the UK.

Step aside Dubrovnik: we try island hopping, whitewater rafting and dining with pirates in Croatian Dalmatia.

Here’s what we’re planning on discovering in 2012 – the most exciting new trips and tours for the 12 months of travels ahead. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Clockwise: relax in Bath; find inner peace; sleep in Lovestruck; chill out with a facial; sign up for military training; go surfing in Newquay

Health breaks ENGLAND

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UKTRIP

Fit club 2012: a year in which you’ll stop drinking and eat healthily – well, for a little while. Here’s how WORDS CAROL DRIVER

You’ve gorged until your muffin top looks like a spare tyre; you’ve drunk so much booze, you’re in a constant state of dehydration; and the rings around your eyes could be mistaken for flying saucers. Welcome to another post-festive slump. By this stage, your body will be crying out for some TLC. To help you stick to your new year’s resolutions – for the first month at least – here are our best UK health breaks. Military Fitness, Weymouth WHAT: Be put through your paces by burly fatigue-clad army types during this five-night course aimed at giving you a merciless kick up the arse. Weymouth is a quintessential English seaside town, with a quaint harbour and lots of places for a sneaky bag of fish ‘n’ chips. But don’t expect to have time for that. You’ll be up at the crack of dawn to take on the day’s onslaught of non-stop, hardcore activity. Think battle marches, running drills, shuttle sprints, obstacle courses. And that’s all before a healthy lunch of baked, wheat-free vegetable tarts. Yum. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 5/5. Take an extra few days off to recover. PRICE: Five-night course from £495pp based on two sharing. SEE: militaryfitnessbootcamp.co.uk

Photos: Bath Tourism Plus/Colin Hawkins, Getty, Thinkstock

Thermae Spa, Bath Spend hours wallowing in Bath’s mineral-rich waters, which for hundreds of years have been revered for their therapeutic and restorative properties. The Somerset city is steeped in history, so, in between getting pampered, check out its Roman baths, the abbey and the magnificent Georgian architecture. Stay at the Hilton Bath City Hotel and you’ll get a free dip in the Thermae Bath Spa, as well as access to its roof-top pool and steam rooms, plus dinner and breakfasts. It’ll be a detox for the mind, as well as the body. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 1/5. Lie back and think of nothing. PRICE: £153pp based on two sharing a twin room. SEE: hilton.com/bath Surfing, Newquay WHAT: Being healthy doesn’t have to mean being dull. Head to Newquay, the surf capital of the UK, and fill your days with blood-pumping activities as you force every last trace of alcohol out of your system. Wake up every cell in your body

and ride the icy waves of Fistral Bay while toning muscles you never knew you had. Then, spend an afternoon traversing narrow cliff ledges, exploring smugglers’ caves and plunging into the wintry water in a coasteering adventure. After all that excitement, you’ll need to chill out. Discover your inner calm with yoga classes and a facial at the Bay Hotel. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 5/5. You’re going to ache. PRICE: Two days surfing: £80. Half-day coasteering: £40. Double room at The Bay Hotel: from £55pn. SEE: newquayactivitycentre.co.uk; newquay-hotels.co.uk Chilling, Perthshire WHAT: If you’re jumping on the wagon, make sure it’s with friends, otherwise it can be a lonely ride. Grab some mates and head north, away from the temptation of city life, and on to the secluded banks of Loch Voil in Lochearnhead, Perthshire. You’ll sleep in The Lovestruck, a converted horse truck which looks like a cross between an old-fashioned gypsy caravan and a quaint country cottage. Spend your days ambling around the tranquil lock and Heathcliff-esque glens. Book in for yoga, meditation, life coaching and body and emotional ‘clearing therapies’ at nearby sister hotel Monachlye Mhor, for some ultimate ‘me’ time. ACTIVITY LEVEL: 2/5. Nice and easy. You won’t strain anything. PRICE: Lovestruck sleeps four from £125pn. SEE: canopyandstars.co.uk Juicing, Hampshire This’ll be a shock to the system after all those late-night kebabs and greasy hangover fry-ups. Spend three days surviving on nothing but juices and smoothies to cleanse your system and give your strained digestive system a break. It might be a little bit pricey, but this stunning health farm is located in the sleepy town of Liphook, which boasts more scenic walking routes than you can shake your trainers at. ‘Food’ and accommodation are included in the cost, as are two spa treatments, access to all 20+ daily exercise classes and the sauna, steam room and pool. NEXT WEEK ACTIVITY LEVEL: 1/5. Energy levels will dip. UK’s quirkiest PRICE: £314pp based on two sharing a twin. accommodation SEE: champneys.com ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TOP FIVE

FESTIVAL CITIES

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VALENCIA, SPAIN

Valencia takes the top spot for hosting not one, but two essential festivals on the travellers’ trail. First up is Las Fallas, a fiery festival that takes place every March 15-19 in the regional capital, also called Valencia. Papier mache puppets are paraded through the streets, before being arranged into elaborate displays around town. (The puppets tend to poke satirical fun at film stars and politicians; the more outrageous, the better). On the final night, the whole lot is set on fire and costumed dancers flit about the flames. The pyrotechnics are pretty damn spectacular, but all five days are a non-stop party. Then, the summertime brings La Tomatina, held in the tiny Valencian town of Bunol on the last Wednesday of August. There’s dispute over how it all started, but the most popular theory involves a brawl among local folk in 1945 that ended in tomato slinging, thanks to a vegetable stand sitting nearby. The good-natured sparring caught on and was repeated with growing numbers in subsequent years, 38 00

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although the authorities soon stepped in and banned it. But you can’t keep a good tradition down and, in 1957, the powers-that-be relented and established an official festival. Nowadays, the festivities theoretically begin when a reveller climbs a greasy pole and pushes a local ham off the top. But as no-one can really be bothered to wait for that to happen, the ham hangs there ceremoniously, while cannonfire tends to mark the start. Because Bunol is a cramped warren of winding streets and tens of thousands of people turn up for the food fight, you should arrive early to avoid disappointment. We know plenty of pissed-off tourists who have turned up, only to not see a single tomato thrown, and in some cases get pelted with old, dusty flip-flops instead. You’ll probably end up staying in the city of Valencia for La Tomatina as Bunol is so small, so check out the trendy Old Quarter and the colourful Central market while you’re there, too. fallasfromvalencia.com; busabout.com

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RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL

One of the greatest shows on Earth, Rio Carnival from March 5-11 is a feast of raucous street parties and feathered, flamboyant costumes. This country’s capital is a crazy party city most nights of the year – see the street parties in Lapa – so turning it up a notch for Carnival is a wonder worth witnessing. Let loose on Copacabana beach and sink the Caipirinhas – but remember, this is Rio, so hold on to your wallet. rio-carnival.net

Photos: Getty; TNT

MUNICH, GERMANY

The world’s most famous beer festival, Oktoberfest – misleadingly enough – usually kicks off in late September. While the bizarre combo that is gallons of beer and theme-park rides might not strike you as a brilliant idea, the 16-day annual festival has been going strong since 1810. Local brews served up in steins by beer wenches guarantee a good party. But also take some time to explore Munich and, in particular, the popular nude-only areas of its public parks. oktoberfest.de/en

LERWICK, SHETLAND

The capital of the Shetlands in Scotland celebrates good, old-fashioned barbarism on January 31, with a procession of blokes dressed as Vikings wielding flaming torches, culminating in the burning of a big wooden galley. The Up Helly Aa festival is intended as a celebration of the islands’ Norse history – Vikings invaded in the early ninth century – but is more of a big fancy dress party with lashings of licking flames and booze. uphellyaa.org

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

Everyone knows Amsterdam is a place to party, but on no other day is this more true than April 30, or Queen’s Day. It’s in keeping with the Dutch spirit that Queen Beatrix’s birthday is actually January 31, but because winter is no time to be living it up outside, the generous royal has kept the celebrations to the more outdoors-friendly date of her mother Queen Juliana’s birth. Dress in your best orange togs and join the masses for dance- and drinkfuelled madness in the city streets.

AL MAHA DESERT RESORT OVERVIEW If you happen to win the lottery this year, Al Maha Desert Resort might make a nice place to start splashing the cash. A collection of exclusive villas in the Dubai Desert Conservation Reserve, on the very outskirts of the city, you’ll share your stay with the endangered Arabian oryx (a sort of long-horned antelope) and bounding desert gazelles. WOW FACTOR What, aside from the rare wildlife wandering across your path? (Though a gazelle did steal our bikini when we left it on the decking to dry.) How about the ‘welcome drink’ that is an entire bottle of sherry, which we took straight into our private pool with us? Or a camel trek into the sand dunes, to enjoy a few glasses of champagne in front of the sunset? ROOMS All villas come with a private pool and an easel and sketchpad, should the desert landscape so inspire you. ROOMS Get a discounted rate of about £800pn from now until August 31. Ouch.

Dubai - Al Ain Road starwoodhotels.com

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The Gobi desert in Mongolia is a must-see

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partner and I are planning on Q My travelling to Mongolia. Which places besides Ulaanbaatar are a must-do with regards to homestays? Tanja, via email is a huge and mesmerising A Mongolia country; depending on how long you have,

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a few weeks. I know I will have to stop somewhere between London and Bali on the way, and am wondering if a round-theworld ticket would be best? Jennifer, via email have a number of options; you can A You book all of the journeys separately as a multi-stop ticket, or if you are returning to the UK and have time to explore more countries, as a round-the-world (RTW) ticket. You don’t specify when you are travelling, so it’s difficult to provide exact pricing. If budget is the priority, a multi-stop ticket is most likely the best option. Check with a flight expert such as Round the World flights (roundtheworldflights. com; 020 77045700) who are able to offer a multistop deal for £693 one-way (UK, Singapore, Bali, Sydney) with BA and Jetstar (valid from April 16 – June 20) or £1099 return. If you have time and money on your side, a RTW ticket will give you the option of exploring even more places for not a great deal more money. For example, Round the World Flights offer UK, Singapore, Bali, Australia, New Zealand, LA or New York from £1122. This means that for only an extra £23 you could explore New Zealand and North America too. If you’ve got the time and budget, this is worth looking into! Most importantly, being flexible with your dates is a great way to get a good deal.

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there are vast amounts to explore. Staying in a traditional ger (a circular tent used by nomadic people) is an essential Mongolian experience, and there are a number of ways to do this. In some areas, you can stay in ger buudals – effectively ger hotels where families have an extra ger adjacent to their own. They will be basic, i.e without toilets or showers, but a great insight into how Mongolian people live. A popular option with tourists is a ger camp, which is a purpose-built area of gers for tourists, so the facilities are of a western standard. You will not, however, experience the world famous Mongolian hospitality. To ensure that you are staying in an authentic ger, check out community based tourism programmes, such as Ger to Ger (gertoger.org). The programme can arrange for you to travel around the country staying in ger buudals. The tours vary in price and some include horseback and camel riding. For example, a trip in the Bulgan region for five nights is £170. In terms of great areas to visit, the Gobi desert is an incredible landscape of sand dunes, ice-flats and canyons. Terelj, 55km north of Ulaanbaatar, is also popular with tourists.

am looking to fly from London to Q IBali before flying onto Sydney for

STUFF IT TIP Wear jackets with big OF THE pockets to the airport, and WEEK lots of them. This gets past the problem of overweight luggage as you can put stuff in your pockets. Also useful if you don’t want to pay for luggage at all and just want to travel with hand luggage. Angelene Rackett, via Facebook

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[Caption] Arrr me hearties!: the pirate town of Omis

Dalmatia CROATIA

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Dalmatia Omis

GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Return flights from London to Split, via Zagreb, start at around ÂŁ158 with Croatia Airlines. (croatiaairlines.com/en)

[Caption]the Makarska Riviera and its promenades Buzzing: 42

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Dalmatian delights Step aside Dubrovnik: we try island hopping, whitewater rafting and dining with pirates in Croatian Dalmatia WORDS JASLEEN KANDHARI

Forward, go forward through the labyrinth!” shouts Damir, the exuberant skipper aboard our raft hurtling over the rapids of River Cetina, on Croatia’s Dalmatian coast. As the longest river in the country, it’s an exhilarating setting for whitewater rafting, rushing past forests and steep gorges galore. We departed from the town of Slime – far more picturesque and charming than it sounds – to embark on this three-hour odyssey along what feels like Croatia’s answer to the Amazon River, thanks to its narrow, winding nature and the drooping trees overhead. “Look out, there’s a crocodile,” jokes Damir, as we watch a floating log drift by. The adventure includes hard paddling and jumping into rock pools from the cliffs above – the petrified look on one rafter’s face as he takes the plunge is captured on camera, much to our hilarity. During the quiet times, Damir serenades us with lively Croatian folk songs, accompanied by a backing track on his iPhone. Croatia’s Dalmatian coast on the Adriatic Sea provides an intrepid alternative to the overpopulated tourist hub that is Dubrovnik, and is characterised by influences of Mediterranean culture in its slow tempo of life, humid climate and delicious seafood. It’s also peppered with ancient remains of the Roman era and early Middle Ages, with monuments including the grand Diocletian Palace in Split. Before the rafting trip, I indulged in a spot of island hopping between pristine pebbled beaches and the scintillating azure waters of the Adriatic. I started at the oldest coastline settlement, Bol, on the island of Brac, before moving on to the Unesco World Heritage town of Trogir, and finishing up at the palm-treelined promenades of the Makarska Riviera. While Makarska has the buzz of a lively town – perfect for hanging out with likeminded travellers during the evenings – there is a certain tranquility throughout Trogir and Bol that allows you to soak up the beauty of the place in peace and quiet. Perhaps it harks back to a time when they were the subdued locality of fishermen and sailors. Also on Brac, I visit a stonemason school famous for quarrying the pristine white rocks used to build the White House in Washington DC. Here, I watch a stonemason painstakingly chip away and shape a white-stone fountain which will later be placed in Split. Back to the rafting trip, and we wash up in the

picturesque Dalmatian town of Omiš, which has a far more raucous history. Up until the 15th century, it was the stronghold of a band of pirates, the Omiški gusari or Corsairs of Omiš, who patrolled the waters in speed boats called sagittas. Now the Omiš Riviera is full of luxury yachts leisurely cruising. I can only imagine how different Omiš appeared during

“

It was the stronghold of a band of pirates

”

the time of the pirates, the town curling under a fortress at the mouth of the River Cetina, set against dramatic craggy rock faces, which afforded them protection from attackers. I’m unsurprised this was the most feared pirate town on the Adriatic coast, given the evidence of the mighty that ››

Brac island’s famous white stone TNTMAGAZINE.COM

is the Mirabella (or Peovica) fortress. This imposing stone structure lies in the heart of the historical part of town, reminding those who visit of the power of the Omiš pirates. Moreover, you can follow in these sea-bound rogues’ footsteps by joining a pirate night held in the canyons of River Cetina. Departing during the evening, you sail up the river – tranquilly enough at first, until the gunshots of the Omis pirates begin ringing out, giving a sense of what it must have been like to come under attack. Aboard the boat, I listen to the tales and legends of the Omiš pirates, retold by actors dressed to the nines, followed by dancing the night away aboard the ship. Lord Byron might have proclaimed Dubrovnik “the pearl of the Adriatic”, but I can’t help wondering whether he ever strayed any further into Dalmatia. No wonder pirates took to this place: forget pearls, this is the real treasure chest, overflowing with riches. ❚

Jasleen went rafting with the Slap Travel Agency in Slime, which also offers trekking, canyoning, rock climing, mountain biking and more hrslap.hr

Stirring: Dalmatia’s dramatic gorges

NEXT WEEK Essential winter festivals: what you can’t miss in 2012

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

Enjoy the rustic charm of traditional family-run restaurants such as Konoba Sperum in Split. Dalmatian smoked ham goes down well with the Croatian red wine. (Sperun 3, tel. 021 346999)

Savour the fare once favoured by Croatian pirates at Radmanove in Omiš. Soparnik is the Omiš specialty, a vegetable pie baked under iron lids and ashes. (radmanove-mlinice.hr/)

Dine under stars that glimmer over the sea at Vagabundo restaurant in Bol. Serving everything from tasty seafood to traditional Croatian meat dishes, including stewed beef. (dalmatinocatering.com)

DRINK

The nightlife hub on the island of Brac has to be Bol, with reams of cafés, cocktail bars and nightclubs. Aquarius is a favourite among the surf crowd. (Riva Frane Radica 1, tel. 385 21635996)

Riviera lifestyle includes a thriving nightlife. In Makarska, party the night away at the popular cocktail bar the Pink Panther (Jagerova 5), followed by the Petar Pan Club. (petarpan-makarska.com)

Split arguably offers the best nightlife in Croatia along its beach front, which is peppered with bars. Deep within the Diocletian Palace’s labyrinth lies the swanky Ghetto Bar, offering stiff drinks and house music. (Dosud 10, tel. 21 346879)

SLEEP

Venture further from the historical centre of town in Split to find value for money at Villa Marjela. You can explore the city’s untouristed parts in the surrounding area. (villamarjela.hr)

To experience the town of the Croatian pirates, stay at Hotel Villa Dvor on top of a cliff above Omiš. Enjoy a refreshing drink on the terrace rooftop with stunning panoramic views of the riviera below. (hotel-villadvor.hr)

Luxury abounds at the Bluesun Hotel Elaphusa in Bol, one of the largest wellness centres on the Adriatic coast. Walk along the promenade to the Zlatni Rat beach with its unbelievably blue waters. (bluesunhotels.com/eu)

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Party central This is Buenos Aires in 48 hours WORDS LAURA CHUBB

DAY 1: 09:00 A cycle tour is a great way to zip around the main sights of Buenos Aires in a day, so long as you don’t mind battling the London-worthy traffic. Stay at Hostel Inn Tango City (hihostels.com) in the bohemian San Telmo district – dorm beds from less than £12pppn – where the staff will recommend an operator. 10:00 There are a few sights that every tour worth its salt (or, in this city, steak) will take you to see. One is the Cementerio de la Recoleta (cnr Junín & Guido), an intriguing collection of statues and crypts, lined along the cemetery’s warren-like ‘streets’. Past presidents and military heroes abound, but there’s one plot you’ve absolutely got to find – the final resting place of much-loved national heroine Eva Peron. 12:00 Another biggie is the Plaza de Mayo (cnr Avs de Mayo and Bolívar Microcentro), the nerve centre of Argentina’s political history. The name commemorates the May Revolution of 1810 that began the country’s process of independence from Spain, and it’s here that Peron, known as Evita, addressed the adoring crowds from her balcony (think Madonna singing Don’t Cry For Me Argentina). 12:15 The balcony that Evita appeared on was attached to the Casa Rosada, or Pink House. This rosy-hued Renaissance building makes essential snapping, and is home to Argentina’s presidential offices. There’s no truth to the rumour that it was decorated so pinkly at the behest of the country’s female president; it was daubed with an ox-bloodand-whitewash mix shortly after first being built in 1862. 13:30 After lunch – which will be spectacular wherever you 46

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choose, for this is the land of out-of-this-world steak and red wine for under a tenner – next on the tick-list is the Obelisco (cnr Avs 9 de Julio and Corrientes Congreso), erected in 1936 to mark the 400th anniversary of the first Spanish settlement. It’s an iconic symbol of the modern Buenos Aires, and was once adorned with a giant pink condom in honour of Aids Awareness Day. 15:00 Then make your way to the Puerto Madero area. A display of architectural creativity along the waterfront, perhaps the most famous structure is its bridge, said to resemble a lady leaning backwards mid-Tango. 16:00 Head on back to the hostel for a spot of windowshopping around quirky San Telmo, taking care to keep clear of the dogshit piles that litter the pavements. (It’s everywhere in the city, as are the dog walkers wrestling packs of up to 10 mutts at a time.) 21:00 After preening yourself for a night on the town, you can walk from the hostel to La Cabrera (5099 Palermo Viejo), a steakhouse so good it will bring tears to your eyes. A melt-in-the-mouth slab of cow, with sides of sundried tomatoes and olives, plus a bottle of really good red wine (go for the Malbec), will set you back no more than £15pp. 23:00 Nightclub Pacha (pachabuenosaires.com) is a 10-minute cab ride away, so hit up some local bars before getting in line (it’s social suicide to turn up to a club here before 2am). The city’s original superclub, Pacha’s riverside terrace and international DJs will keep you partying until 9am. DAY 2: 15:00 Catch some shut-eye and then head for La Boca, a European-inspired neighbourhood famed for its

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

In the pink: the Casa Rosada’s balcony hosted Eva Peron

brightly coloured houses. There’s great street art too, but keep your wits about you – it’s a less-than-savoury locale. 16:30 In particular, El Caminito is a don’t miss – La Boca’s most famous street has crafts stalls, street artists selling their work, and even the odd pair of Tango dancers. 18:00 Buy a ticket for a match at La Bombonera Stadium (Brandsen), home to local football team, Boca Juniors (disgraced ‘Hand of God’ star Diego Maradona used to play for them). Watching a match here is a thrilling, if slightly unnerving, experience, as passionate fans fill stands well beyond capacity. Home and away supporters are seated on separate tiers, which means that one set throws buckets of questionable yellow liquid on to those below, who in turn aim and shoot fireworks into the crowds above. Top tip: don’t go with a tour, as you will be horrifically overcharged. Buying a ticket from the stadium like the locals do shouldn’t cost you much more than £3. 21:00 Check out Boca Tango (bocatango.com.ar) for dinner and a dance show. It not only provides a masterclass in sensual Latin rhythms, but a potted history of the neighbourhood too. 22:00 Say goodbye to the beautiful people at club Jet (Av Costanera Rafael Obligado), which plays mainstream sounds long into the morning. Make like a local and stroll home – sunglasses hiding the night’s sins – through the mid-morning sun.

Latin rhythm: catch Tango dancers performing in the streets

Fly from London Heathrow to Buenos Aires, via Amsterdam and Sao Paulo, with KLM from around £640 return (flight time, with klm.com two stopovers, approx. 17hrs).

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The to-do list Here’s what we’re planning on discovering in 2012 – the most exciting new trips and tours for the 12 months of travels ahead EDITED BY LAURA CHUBB

A new year means new opportunities to stick plenty more pins in your map. Here’s our pick of hot new destinations and tours for 2012. Jump in there quick, before the crowds cotton on.

But these aren’t the only adventures to unearth in Croatian Dalmatia: the region is ridiculously well suited to jump-starting your heart rate. You can climb karsts, take on the crystal-blue Adriatic, claim your own secret coves, or disappear into the Dinaric mountains. (dalmatia.info)

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1 SLOVENIA Slovenia is a booming destination for travellers seeking a taste of the European outdoors, and its range of au naturale activities and breathtaking scenery is sure to see the tourist numbers swell further in 2012. The Julian Alps are one of the country’s biggest drawcards, being one of Europe’s most picturesque mountain ranges. It’s no surprise that, in light of its stunning natural attractions, Slovenia is a European leader in sustainable green tourism. The country is also set to find itself firmly on the travel map thanks to its second city, Maribor, being named European Capital of Culture for 2012. Keep an eye on TNT for tales of our travels in the Julian Alps, and see next week’s issue for our guide to a weekend in the capital. (thinkslovenia.com) 2 THE NORTHERN LIGHTS The aurora borealis is the most spectacular luminescent phenomena that appears in the night sky above Scandinavia, and 2012 is tipped to produce the most jaw-dropping light show in 50 years. Don’t fancy breaking the bank with a notoriously expensive trip chasing the lights? Look out for our feature on how to do the Northern Lights on a budget later this month. 3

DALMATIAN CROATIA Ditch Dubrovnik and go island hopping along Croatia’s Dalmatian coast, famous not only for its spotted dogs, but also ancient towns, dramatic gorges and too-clear-to-be-true waters. Turn to page 42 for more on flitting between Bol and Brac, and how you can discover the pirate town of Omis after a hard day’s rafting over rapids.

ALGARVE WALKING TRAIL Forget sunning yourself on the beach all day long: take on the Algarve’s long-distance footpath to earn that tan. Away from Portugal’s tourist-thick coast, you can mount a four-day hike through the region’s rugged countryside, stopping to rest and refuel at locally run guesthouses. Inland, the scenery is greener, and the raw nature of it makes a welcome break from manicured beaches. Stop to admire the quiet Mediterranean villages, their cobbles and donkeys a world away from the uniform, Brit-packed whitewash villas. Better still, the trail ends at a secret cove perfect for surfing. TNT intends to thoroughly enjoy this pocket of peace when we take on the trail later this year – keep your eyes peeled, and your mouths shut. (visitalgarve.pt)

DEEPER INTO ICELAND Reykjavik is not Iceland’s only port of call. Turn your compass inland to reveal a glacier-carved world like no other; wonder at oceanic-sized floating icebergs – a regular Icelandic phenomena – and spectacular waterfalls. A new 11-day ‘Wild of Iceland’ tour from Imaginative Traveller will take you there, though if you fancy going independently, the soon-to-open Akureyi Backpackers Hostel in the country’s northern capital is the perfect launch-pad for exploring both city and its volcanic surrounds. Two new walking tours are also set to open the south coast and spectacular west to endurance-ready travellers, energetic exploits rewarded by the 100km-long, Snæfellsnes Peninsula, replete with breathtaking black-sand beaches and lava fields. (11 days from £1810pp, imaginativetraveller.co.uk; walking tours from £899pp, InnTravel.co.uk; akureyibackpackers.com) ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

A Burmese pagoda

Orissa in east India

Brazilian wildlife

An Icelandic lagoon

BIG TRIPS

6 BURMA/ MYANMAR Burma’s back on the travel map in 2012. Now you can visit this time-warped country with a clear conscience, due to the release of Aung San Suu Kyi – a Burmese opposition politician – from house arrest and the National League for Democracy’s decision to end its recommended tourist boycott. In Burma, you can get a taste of the type of adventure travel that in 2012 you normally only get to read about in books. Think rickety buses, creaking bridges, uneven potholed roads, curious locals and – hopefully – not a cheese omelette in sight. Combine visits to picturesque pagodas, monasteries and hill stations with a cruise on the Irrawaddy River, made famous in Rudyard Kipling’s poem, The Road To Mandalay. A host of tour operators are re-entering Burma this year. Intrepid Travel will run its first trip in March 2012 and has 19 departures scheduled until March 2013. (15 days from £1230pp, intrepidtravel.com)

MONGOLIAN CAMPING For a challenging experience heavy on the adventure, look no further than a Gobi desert camping trip to thrust you into the wilds. Rare wildlife and exotic scenery are just the window-dressing on a journey into the heart of Mongolia. With the help of a guide, you’ll cook local market food, discover spectacular landscapes such as the Yolin ice canyon and sand dunes, relive the past at historical monuments and monastery ruins, and even bear witness to a dinosaur

BRAZIL BEYOND RIO With the World Cup hitting its shores in 2014 and the Olympics in 2016, Brazil is speedily becoming the hottest South American destination. But while the Copacabana beach and favelas of Rio are nothing new, we reckon you should take the opportunity this year to check out what else this mammoth country has to offer. Busy, cosmopolitan Sao Paulo is the third largest city in the world and known for top-notch Brazilian and international food, especially modern Japanese and Italian. On the flipside, Morro de Sao Paulo is a car-free village paradise on the island of Tinhare near Salvador. (braziltour.com) 50

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The Northern Lights will look their very best for 50 years

graveyard. Two- and three-week options are available, but it’s the 21-day trip that has us most excited. (21 days from £1140pp, dragoman.com)

THE INDIAN BUSH Tourists have slogged through the cities of India for decades, and those seeking a bohemian beach getaway know to flock south and find Goa or Kerala. But you’ll be a pioneer among your traveller mates if you go bush. Dragoman’s new 14-day Chennai to Calcutta tour gets you overlanding through Andhra Pradesh, one of India’s least developed states, and camping in the remote hill tribes of Orissa. Along with most of eastern India, Orissa is barely even set up for mainstream tourism, and that’s exactly why we reckon you’ll love it. New frontiers are increasingly hard for a traveller to come by these days, so we suggest you grab this opportunity with both hands. (From £550pp, dragoman.com)

BACK ON TRACK It’s been a tough year for some travel hotspots. Here are the ones set to make a comeback in 2012

TUNISIA The country that kicked off the Middle Eastern uprisings is welcoming tourists to a freer, democratic Tunisia in 2012. And it seems to be pursuing a tourism makeover as well as a political one, moving away from its image as a sun-and-sea destination to encourage exploration of its 3000 years of culture, history and diverse landscapes (including a troglodyte town used to film Star Wars).

ARMENIA It’s not the first place you’d think to go trekking, but Armenia has earned its crust as a bucket list destination. This rugged, canyon-pocked part of The Silk Road is made up of lush forests, volcanic formations, glistening lakes and the spectacular Sulema mountain range. Passing through villages, you’ll gorge on eastern and western culture collisions, navigate some jagged peaks and may be lucky enough to spot a wolf, lynx, bear or Caucasian leopard prowling the region. Keep an eye on TNT for how to do Armenia independently, or check out the new hiking trips with Walks Worldwide, leaving on June 3, July 8 and September 9. (£1245pp, walksworldwide.com)

ZIMBABWE As Kenya continues to struggle amid a storm of bad publicity, the former king of the African tourism industry is – through no intention of its own – standing aside to make way for other nations on this continent in 2012. Following the dollarisation of the economy and a powersharing government, Zimbabwe is becoming more attractive to travellers. Among Africa’s most beautiful ››

JORDAN You’d think the country that has Petra wouldn’t ever find itself facing tourism woes, but Jordan was unfairly tarred with the Arab Spring brush in 2011. The Middle East’s mightiest holiday spot looks set to return to its former glories in 2012, however, as it marks the 200th anniversary of the western world’s ‘discovery’ of Petra. There’s more to explore here besides the usual tick-list, though – keep an eye on TNT this month for more. JAPAN The Land of the Rising Sun had a tough year, with visitor numbers plunging more than 60 per cent following the devastating earthquake and tsunami in March. But traveller confidence in the country was already growing towards the end of 2011, with visitor numbers down just 30 per cent and improving. Japan is now also the proud owner of a new Unesco World Heritage Site, the Ogasawara Group, an archipelago of more than 30 volcanic islands home to endemic species – the Galapagos of the east, if you will. The 10,000 free flights the tourist board is reportedly thinking about offering to travellers could also help. EGYPT A seemingly unshakeable cloud of uncertainty has shrouded Egypt since protests began in January 2011, and the recent clashes around Tahrir Square have done little to disperse it. However, so long as tourists and tours avoid demonstrations and elections – and really, why wouldn’t they? – travellers should feel no fear at returning. Let’s hope that in 2012, visitors begin to believe this – tourism accounts for 10 per cent of the country’s income.

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countries, an ongoing drive to promote conservation projects and opportunities to volunteer means Zimbabwe is appealing to a growing number of ethical tourists. Our top picks? Visit Victoria Falls to take an ultralight flight, or visit the only national park in Africa (with lions) that allows unguided walking safaris – how brave are you? (zimbabwetourism.net)

PANAMA New direct flights from Amsterdam will give Panama an edge over Costa Rica, which it has long tussled with for tourist trade. This is a destination unfettered by tourist crowds, offering the best of everything. Go to Panama City for five-star service at three-star prices and a rollicking nightlife. Then, venture further afield for spectacular Caribbean beaches, volcanic landscapes, lush rain forests, rivers and mountains, and remote archipelagos that offer unique experiences in the way of indigenous culture. Hurry, though – it won’t be a secret for long. (visitpanama.com) ❚

A Burmese market, now accessible to tourists

NORTH AMERICA UP AND COMING There are so many emerging destinations for travel in the US and Canada this year, we had to give them their very own box

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK Manhattan, Schmanhattan – see the tourist staples and then get yourself over the bridge to Brooklyn, where a more cutting-edge New York scene is at. Contemporary art, hipster and southern soul-food movements are just a few reasons to explore: look out for our guide to the must-visit neighbourhoods later this year.

Brooklyn brownstones AUSTIN, TEXAS If you thought Texas was all rednecks wearing cowboy hats and screeching “yeeeehaaaaaaahhhhh!”, think again. A more bohemian bent is creeping into the state capital, and it’s a haven for foodies and outdoor enthusiasts too. Keep an eye on TNT for the full story.

YUKON RIVER Get off the beaten track and into the Canadian wilderness, where you can share tourist-free lakes, forests and mountains with bald eagles and black bears. Grand American Adventures is now offering a new tour with camping. See: grandamericanadventures.com; from £1429pp

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See Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, or explore rural areas (below)

NEXT WEEK Eyre Peninsula: Swimming with sharks in Australia

Photos: Tomas Utsi/Image Bank Sweden, Getty, Thinkstock, TNT

VINTAGE VEGAS Do your bank balance a favour and forget the casinos – Downtown Vegas, with its retro flea market and museum of where the old neon signs go to die, makes a more imaginative trip to the Nevada desert. We’ll be checking it out.

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* end. Don’t be surprised if I end up wandering the streets looking for someone who looks like you. Next time, I won’t fall asleep whenever we go out. Cheers, Greg. Money buys you love: How much did you pay her, Ding Dong? The boys and I (and most of the girls to be honest) are pretty sure something’s going on. If you just come quietly there’ll be no trouble. Otherwise it’s gonna get messy, and there’s only going to be one winner.

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THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#460 Take part in the Australian Iron Man competition. Looking buff, Queenie

Kurly with a K: I actually can’t believe you’re moving to London. It’s finally happened. And just in time – I thought I was going to go mad. Fish stock isn’t quite the same without you, I’ll never tell you how ugly you are again. No promises though. Love, Saunders. Meat lovers: To the tall guy with dark hair and a hole in his pocket (you know who you are) in Gizel Kebab – we shared a glance and I commented on your kebab. I still think that was your fiver on the floor. Want to share a doner some time? Rosie.

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Sweet memories: Saw a guinea pig the other day and it reminded me of our chat in that little room in Bolivia.. Did you ever find the way out of that cage, by the way? Seems like years ago, T-dog, where next? Supercringe in the courtyard made me laugh so hard. Oh, and tiny planes that nearly kill us, not quite driving a motorbike into a tree, but still epic. Who’d have thought we would be so far away from J, let’s do it again! Don’t be the rabbit, eat the rabbit. Fin. Birthday boy: It’s your birthday again, Scotty. It’s always your bloody birthday, and it always involves pain. There’s no way around it, someone’s going to get hurt and chances are it’ll be me. Next year I’m moving to Mexico. Mad Max Jimbo calling: I know you remember me, Jen. I don’t use that chat on just anyone. You said you were Brazilian but I still don’t believe you. Same place next week? I’ll be the one pouring shots into my eye. NYE with the Spice Boys: Bring on Hogmanay! Stan, you better be waiting when we get there, I’m not having a repeat of last year. Besides, I’ve got you a little present and, trust me, you don’t want to miss it. Or maybe you do. Cal can’t make it, but he’d only hold you back anyway, you know it’s true. Brotherly love: Gonna miss you bro. I know it’s only a few months but I just got used to having you around. With nobody to clean up after, reckon I’ll be at a loose

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