TNT Magazine / Issue 1481

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January 16-22 2012 Issue 1481 tntmagazine.com

January 16-22 2012 Issue 1481 tntmagazine.com

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JORDANIAN ADVENTURES Discover a kingdom perfect for thrillseekers

HIGH VOLTAGE Actress Naomi Watts on her latest film, J Edgar

ENGLAND’S HIDDEN GEMS Not-to-be-missed weekend trips for 2012

Y A D A I L A R AUST London in r e d n U n ings Dow h t ll a g in t a r n on celeb w o d w lo e h T + interviews with: actor Adam Garcia, goalie Mark Schwarzer, comedian Deborah Frances-White

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER This week we’re celebrating all things Australian in honour of the country’s national day next week. Not yet decided where you’ll be partying? Check out P10 for our extensive guide to London’s hottest events – as well as interviews with some high-profile antipodeans. On P40, we speak to four Aussies about how they got into their careers. And flick to P28 where the gorgeous Naomi Watts chats to us about her new movie. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

6-7

LONDONNEWS

8

MY LONDON

18

DRINK & EATS

20-21

@TNT

22

SPOTTED

23

LONDON SOUND

24-25

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

26-27

COMPETITION

32

CHATROOM DARREN WELLER

33

LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

36

LIFESTYLE

37-41

SHOPPING

37

HEALTH & BEAUTY

38-39

CAREERS

40-41

NEWS & SPORT

44-52

FEATURES IT’S AUSTRALIA DAY!

10

London’s definitive guide to the best parties and celebrations on January 26

HIGH VOLTAGE

Hollywood actress Naomi Watts on life, love, motherhood and filming J. Edgar

53

TRAVEL

57

DIARY

58

BOOZE IN THE NEWS

59

Where’s that drink taking us? We talk to the experts about our alchol consumption

60-61

UK TRIP LATE DEALS

62

HOTSHOTS

63

TOP FIVE

64-65

TIPS & STUFF

66-67 72

48 HOURS IN... HANOI CLASSIFIEDS

113-115

DESPERATELY SEEKING

116

54

28

COMPETITION

NEWS

Photos: Getty, TNT. Cover: iStock

28

34-35

A NUMBERS GAME

48

54

Using maths to predict who will take the medals at the London 2012 Olympics

THE CRAZY LIFE

68

On the search for La Vida Loca in the colourful sidestreets of Barcelona

IN IT FOR THE THRILLS

74

Never mind Petra: there’s a whole lot of adrenaline to be had in Jordan

68 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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@tntmagazine

Something borrowed, something different

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst

Shhh... SECRET LONDON ALTERNATIVE WEDDING FAIR

PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

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January 22 The London Pavilion, 1 Piccadilly Circus, W1V 9LA

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WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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If you’re planning on getting hitched but don’t really go in for the whole ‘something borrowed, something blue’ traditional trappings of your big day, then get along to this fair to get some ideas about giving your matrimonials a tweak. Maybe you’re looking for an unusally designed wedding dress or a whole decor that’s out of the box? Maybe you want to kick out all things white and frilly and have a boho theme to your wedding? Or maybe you want to have the reception at a bowling alley? Think about it. That could be awesome. £8

Piccadilly Circus

thealternativeweddingfair.com

ECCENTRIC LONDON

APOCALYPTIC BOOK CLUB

DOUBLE R CLUB

London, like so many of the world’s old cities, is full of secrets. Even if you think you’re clued-up on London lore, this expedition into the capital’s nooks and crannies takes in various curiosities you may never have noticed before.

What’s the story behind Trafalagar Square’s three lions? Where is the world’s weirdest bookshop?

There’s no better time than the start of 2012 – in this, the year the world is supposed to come to an end – to explore the treasure trove of postapocalyptic literature, and even the odd film, too.

This week, prizes are being awarded for the club’s short story competition, before the group looks at The Hunger Games next week.

It’s a cabaret night inspired by the work of filmmaker David Lynch. So it promises to be a feel-good, if slightly straightforward affair, right?

Weird shit aside, it really is all singing, all dancing, with plenty of laughs thrown in.

So leave your expectations at the door and settle in for a performance that pushes the envelope.

Fridays until April 27 Embankment Place, WC2N 6NL Embankment londonwalks.com

January 17 The Coal Hole, The Strand, WC2R 0DW Embankment post-apocalypticbookclub.co.uk

January 19 Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, E2 6NB Bethnal Green thedoublerclub.co.uk

£8

FREE

£10

like us on

facebook/tntmagazine

Freestyle: Reggie Watts

A I L A R T S U A Y T R A P Y DA HT TILL MIDNIG FRI 27TH 7PM

FREE ENTRY

AUSSIE BEERS

AUSSIE BARBY

MENTION TNT FOR A FREE SHOT BEFORE 9PM 7-8 CAVENDISH PARADE CLAPHAM COMMON SOUTHSIDE SW4 9DW

REGGIE WATTS The Roundhouse

Mr Watts has got some pretty incredible skills, his quirky observational comedy fusing seamlessly with some remarkable vocal stylings. Tim Minchin has conquered the world sitting at his piano and Watts is in a similar league, creating equally inspirational compositions with little more than a sound mixer and his own, apparently limitless, vocal range. Watts has a cult following, so see what the fuss is about. £22

January 23 Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH

Chalk Farm

roundhouse.org.uk

FREE O T Y R T N E ON FRIDAYS COURTESY OF

FRONT LINE: YEAR OF JOURNALISM

LONDON ART FAIR

News junkies and budding journalists should take in this retrospective, which takes a closer look at the conflicts that scarred 2011: the Arab Spring, the war in Libya and, closer to home, the London riots. Stills and broadcast coverage has been collated, alongside interviews with reporters who covered the events.

Galleries from all over London – and even further afield – will set up stalls at this rambling celebration of British art. Mostly, it’s work from the start of the 20th century on offer, although you can pick up pieces from rising stars as well. There are also several projects in this exhibition, including multimedia works.

Until January 27 Somerset House, The Strand, WC2R 1LA Charing Cross somersethouse.org.uk

January 18-22 Business Design Centre, 52 Upper St, N1 0QH Angel londonartfair.co.uk

FREE

£16

Simply get yourself to The Gigalum Bar by Clapham South tube station before 9pm Fridays. ● Just turn by 9pm and get your name down at the bar to reserve your ticket ● You’ll be given your free Ministry of Sound tickets at 11:30pm ● Discounted taxis will then be waiting to take you from Gigalum or the tube ride is only 20 minutes door-to-door ● Tickets valid until 12:30am at Ministry that night ● Starts Jan 20th Offer limited to the first 100 people per night. Pre-booking optional

A WHY NOT BOOK A TABLE OR AN ARE US MENU? AT GIGALUM AND SAMPLE THE DELICIO

WWW.GIGALUM.COM 0208 772 0303

LONDONNEWS

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@tntmagazine

LONDON RENTALS TO SOAR DURING GAMES Real estate agents are expecting a once-in-a-lifetime rental boom before and during this year’s Olympics, when visitors from all over the world will descend on London.

Jemma Scott, head of residential corporate services at estate agency Knight Frank, said: “It is utterly unique and a very exciting time. I have never seen anything like it. If you take the buzz that surrounds short-term rentals in Wimbledon each year and multiply that by a thousand, you might get some idea of the Olympic market.”

Hirst: ‘Great architects don’t build the houses’

After the riots, it was Battersea brooms that came out to clear up Battersea councillor Tony Belton after persuading Google to correctly identify his area, putting it, as it were, ‘on the map’

JOHNSON ANNOUNCES MAJOR BRIDGE PLANS London mayor Boris Johnson has announced a major new road tunnel connecting the Greenwich Peninsula to Silvertown in Newham, to be completed within a decade.

“This is not a time for London to falter, it is a time for London to flourish,” Johnson said of the project, which would result in 2400 vehicles travelling through the tunnel every hour.

ON THE TUBE

Hirst shows open in London Artist pays short thrift to claims his assistants do most of the work Damien Hirst may be the world’s wealthiest living artist but his millions have done little to shield him from criticism that most of the works on show in his latest exhibition were made by his assistants.

The exhibition, The Complete Spot Paintings 1986-2011, is currently mounted simultaneously at 11 Gagosian Galleries around the world, including two in London – in King’s Cross and Mayfair – where it will run until February 18.

There are 1400 of Hirst’s ‘dot paintings’ on show, although the artist, who has divided critics with his sometimes garish, ostentatious work, concedes he probably created about five of them, although he insists that does nothing to diminish his sense of authorship.

“It amazes me that I still get asked these questions,” Hirst said. “You have to look at it as if the artist is an architect, and we don’t have a problem that great architects don’t actually build the houses.”

Hirst claimed “every single spot painting contains my eye, my hand and my heart.

I imagine you will want to say that if I don’t actually paint them myself, then how can my hand be there?

“But I controlled every aspect of them coming into being and much more than just designing them or even ordering them over the phone. And my hand is in evidence in the paintings everywhere.

“I think it’s important that they are hand-made but equally important that they look machine-made. I’ve never had a problem with using assistants.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

A bottomless resource

THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

CENTRAL: No service between North Acton and Ealing Broadway on Saturday

CIRCLE: No service on Saturday or Sunday DISTRICT: No service between Earls Court and Aldgate East on Sunday

HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Barking on Saturday and Sunday

JUBILEE: No service between Willesden Green and Stanmore on Saturday and Sunday Harrow-on-the-Hill and Aldgate on Saturday and Sunday

8

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty

METROPOLITAN: No service between

Students of architecture and design – or just anyone who’s interested in how sustainable cities of the future will operate – should swing past the Building Centre on Wednesday night.

The Building Centre is a bottomless resource when it comes to tracking the way London has reshaped and reinvented itself over the years – and the scale model of the capital offers a fascinating illustration of the city’s layout.

But this week, it’s all about the centre’s series of Energy Conversations. In particular, this week’s instalment ponders the question of whether the target of zero carbon emissions is simply too expensive to justify. It promises to be a memorable dissection of a problem that isn’t going away.

International mobile calls from 10p a minute And unlimited UK calls and texts to anyone on ø when you top up £15 a month

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Visit your local corner store, any ø shop or o2.co.uk/internationalsim Exclusions apply. International rates are for calls made from the UK. Excessive usage policy and terms apply. Minimum top up £15 for unlimited UK O2-O2 calls and texts. Prices above are promotional and valid until 28th February 2012, see o2.co.uk/internationalsim for details and latest call rates.

True blue: all Australians remain proud of home [Caption]

G’day! It’s Aus Day Footballers, film stars and ordinary Aussies alike, we all have a special place for our island home WORDS REBECCA KENT & ALASDAIR MORTON Well, strike me! Australia Day’s come round again. Get Narelle to make the pavlova, tell Thorne-dog to bring a plate, Shaneo can crank the Oils on the i-doovalacky, and we’ll all have a gutful of piss, and talk about cities we’ve been to that never close down.

It’s a long way from home, but there’s still some 100,000 Australians living in London to see to it that the capital gets a solid dose of green and gold on January 26.

And although Australia’s highprofile London expats may lead lives far removed from us ordinary Aussies, TNT’s exclusive interviews with the hornbag Adam Garcia, English Premier League star Mark Schwarzer, and seduction expert Deborah FrancesWhite, reveal that every Australian holds a special place in their heart for our beautiful island home.

Heartthrob Garcia, a judge on SkyTV’s Got To Dance, has lived in London on and off for 18 years. He says Cold Chisel’s Bow River gets him goo-eyed. “It makes me homesick every time,” he says. “[But] it’s the beaches, my family and friends, and the dawn-and-dusk bird chorus, I miss the most.”

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

The 38-year-old even keeps a souvenir close by, lest he should ever start to forget where he comes from.

“I have a calendar my best friend gave me of Sydney’s Northern Beaches, and a little bottle from my other best mate with ‘air and light’ in it from home,” he says. ”It sits there on the shelf near my bed.”

Fulham goalkeeper Schwarzer also harbours a desire to return home one day. “Australia is a place you have a lot of fond memories about,” the footballer says. ”I have to say, it’s one of the best places in the world.”

At 39, the Socceroos elder statesman is eyeing his final cap for Australia at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. He says the strains of Advance Australia Fair give him patriotic stirrings like nothing else, and adds: “My wife and I have always indoctrinated our kids to believe that even though they were born here, first and foremost they are Australian.

“We hope we can actually be at home one day to take part in the Australia Day celebrations.” (For our full interview with Schwarzer see tntmagazine.com/markschwarzer) And if you are looking to pull on Australia Day, take the sage advice of

Gold Coast-born comedienne FrancesWhite, star of the one-woman show How To Get Almost Anyone To Want To Sleep With You. “My big one is if you’re feeling a bit lonely and single, leave the frikkin’ house, because if you’re looking for a boyfriend, he’s not going to appear magically on your sofa – unless you live in an Earl’s Court share house. Then, he might well be sleeping on the floor, under your bed – but is that the man you really want?”

She adds: “You didn’t come to London to meet someone from Geelong. For a real ‘Hugh Grant’ English gentleman, go to the high-end bars in the City and flick your fabulous Australian hair – it is fabulous, it says so on the Tube. Get yourself a nice piece of English totty. Brits love Australians because we’re cheerful. Be a cultural ambassador romantically on Australia Day this year.” ❚ AUSTRALIA DAY FUN IN LONDON ›› How To Get Almost Anyone To Want To Sleep With You is on Feb 20 at Leicester Square Theatre. £15 leicestersquaretheatre.ticketsolve.com Fulham v West Brom is on Feb 1 at Craven Cottage. £15 fulhamfc.com Got to Dance is on Sundays, 6pm on Sky1

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[Caption] Garcia: Bow River gets him goo-eyed

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[Caption]Frances-White suggests English tottie Pulling:

Score: Schwarzer hopes to celebrate on home soil one day [Caption]

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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THE STRONGROOM SHOREDITCH

BISON AND BIRD CLAPHAM

Get your skinny jeans out ‘cos east London’s not missing out on the celebrations. The famed Strongroom leads the charge with, of course, drinks promos on Aussie beers and wines.

Deep in the south London heartland, the Bird and Bison kicks off its Jan 26 celebrations with a range of enticing drinks promotions (think £2.95 Snakebites, and Bundies and cokes). To counteract the carnage, there are Aussie pies and burgers on hand to soak it all up, as well as live music and DJs and Triple J’s Hottest 100. Party on.

FREE

FREE

Jan 26, ‘til 1am 120-124 Curtain Road, EC2A 3SQ strongroombar.com Old Street

VINOPOLIS AUSTRALIA DAY WINE TOUR BANKSIDE

Jan 26, noon to 1am 182-184 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG bisonandbird.com Clapham Common

A range of special guest producers give this winetasting tour an Aussie slant for the day, with Grant Burge Wines offering top tastings from an array of drops.

For those for who guzzling a skinful of vino on an empty stomach doesn’t sound like a top start to the evening, a seasonal Australian menu is on offer for the day too, with all the wines available for purchase. £22+

Jan 26, 2pm-10pm No. 1 Bank End, SE1 9BU vinopolis.co.uk/specialevents/australia_day

WINE-TASTING DATING CLAPHAM Cupid sometimes takes his time between strikes, so there’s no harm in engineering a perfect match yourself.

Antipodate, a dating service for strapping southern hemispherians (the clue’s in the name), is promoting a wine-tasting dating evening at Flame Bar. The Salubrious VIP venue, within Infernos, includes its own bar, DJ, sofas (for snuggling) and dancefloor. This is a great opportunity to learn how to enjoy a good wine, then sip seductively in the company of other singletons. There’ll be nibbles, a wine quiz to get all giggly over, and dancing til the wee hours.

Who needs Cupid?

THE UNDERDOG BAR AUSTRALIA DAY PARTY CLAPHAM

£35

Jan 27, 7.30pm Flame Bar, Infernos, 146 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UH antipodate.co.uk Clapham Common

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

There’s aren’t too many places you can go for a drink and learn to surf – or learn how not to be hurled off a surf simulator.

The Underdog is your spot.

Just make sure you tuck into the Pukka Pies, and go mad on the drink specials, after you give it a burl.

FREE

Jan 26, 5pm-12am 8-10 Northcote Road, SW11 1NT theunderdogbar.co.uk Clapham Junction

JUMBUCK’S CAFE SHEPHERDS BUSH Specialising in the iconic Jaffle Pie, this chain has stores across London and 10 pies to choose from, including the Aussie Rules and Bushranger Deluxe. £2+

Every day W12 8PH jumbucks.com Acton Town

London Bridge

REDBACK TAVERN ACTON The Reddie, London’s top venue for Australian live music, has something very special in store for Australia Day in the shape of Brisbane covers band Platform Six, who are in town to soundtrack the evening. A hit on the party scene from Melbourne to the Northern Territory for six years, the Six specialise in covers of pretty much everything: rock, old and new; disco; funk; classics; electric and acoustic, from the Seventies and beyond.

With a repertoire of more 100 songs, they’re sure to smash any request you’ve got (onstage from 11pm). Also, on tap are plenty of brews from Down Under, and a custom-built beer garden to spill out on to.

This Clapham hotspot, nestled on the side of the common, hosts its very own Australia Day bash. There’ll be DJs on hand spinning the hottest tunes, the Triple J 100 as well, not to mention all manner of Aussie beers to quench your thirst as well as barbecue-ing goings on a-happening too. And for those who get there before 9pm, and who mention your very own fave mag, TNT, there’s a free shot to get the party started.

Jan 26, 8pm-2am 264 Acton High Street, W3 9BH redbacktavern.com Acton Town

Jan 27, 7pm-midnight 7-8 Cavendish Place, SW4 9DW gigalum.com Acton Town

FREE

GIGALUM AUSTRALIA DAY PARTY CLAPHAM FREE

London’s Biggest

Australia Day Celebrations Party the Waxy’s Way on Thursday 26th January • • • •

Free entry all day • Drinks promotions Special Oz Day menu • Giveaways Prizes to be won on the day!

Playing all the very best Australian party tunes

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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AUSTRALIA DAY RY FREE ENTERN OS

VENUE: INF H ST, SW4 7UH 146 CLAPHAM HIG UARY 22, 2012 DATE: SUNDAY, JAN COMMON TUBE: CLAPHAM NIGHT TIME: 10AM – MID

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AUSSIE QUIZ AT THE BAROSSA PARSONS GREEN

OI, OI, OI CAMDEN Here’s a venue going all out for their Aussie punters, promising more Aussie rock and live music than you can smother Vegemite on. Appropriately, the venue is using Australia Day to showcase some great bands, including Bonfire Nights, Horse Fight, and Chris Brady. You can whet your whistle with two- forone beers and cocktails, and when the bands aren’t playing, expect AC/DC, Woflmother, INXS, Tame Impala, Powderfinger, Nick Cave, etc to be blasting from the speakers.

FREE

If you know the name of Jo Mangle’s dog in Neighbours, then knock your socks off at this Australia Day trivia night.

There’ll be banter aplenty, true-blue tunes, and a kitchen full of chicken parma. Of course, the bar will be loaded up with Aussie grog, too. £10

Jan 26, 8pm 277 New King’s Road, SW6 4RD thebarossa.co.uk Parsons Green

TNT MACBACKPACKERS AUS DAY PARTY CLAPHAM Right then, cobbers. Get your thongs on, tattoo-up your faces, and trim the mullet: this is going to be bonza. TNT has lined up gorgeous Aussie songstress Brooke Supple and funk/metal/rock outfit Melic for live tunes, plus the Bogan Bingo boys will host an epic air guitar challenge.

There’ll be pies, Aussie tunes, best-dressed prizes and sticky floors, too. Pre-register for guaranteed entry before noon.

FREE

Jan 26, 7pm-1am 20 Inverness Street , NW1 7HJ undersolo.co.uk Camden Town

Jan 22, 10am-midnight Infernos, 146 Clapham High St, SW4 7UH tntmagazine.com/australiaday Clapham Common

WALKABOUT AUSSIEFEST VARIOUS

Staying in and kicking the party off at home? Look no further than this shop, which has the the largest range of Aussie drinks and foodstuffs outside the homeland. It has all your party needs: nibbles, booze, music and games.

JETLAG AUSTRALIA DAY FITZROVIA

£1+

Determined to stretch out Australia Day for every bit of carousing it’s worth, the Walkabout has planned five weeks of events, including Aussie-themed party nights; Aussie karaoke; crocodile wrestling; bikini-babe competitions; and all things green, gold and doggone cringeworthy about the land Down Under. You’ll need to check the website of your favourite Walkabout (Temple has just been refurbished) to see what’s on when, but you can be certain their bars will be fully equipped to quench the thirst of an army of raving Aussies. Also, get 10 stamps in your Walkabout ‘passport’ by purchasing food and drinks, and you can win a trip to Australia.

Try the Melbourne (brie, butternut squash roasted red onions, toasted pumpkin seeds), Byron Bay (pesto, field mushrooms, cumin roasted sweet potato macadamia nuts) and many more awesome toppings.

Jan 26-Feb 29 walkabout.eu.com

Every day fireandstone.com

FREE

Photos: TNT

AUSTRALIA SHOP COVENT GARDEN

Open every day 27 Maiden Lane, WC2E7JS australiashop.co.uk Covent Garden

FIRE AND STONE AUSSIE PIZZAS VARIOUS LOCATIONS £8.75+

This sports bar is going to amp up its usual Thursday night revelry by giving an Australian slant to proceedings. Its menu will feature familiar tastes from home, with a surf ‘n’ turf dish of kangaroo steak and jumbo king prawns, plus there’s burgers and a sweet and fruity pavlova with fresh berries, just like Mum used to make. Thirsty little troopers will be taken care of, with Aussie beers and lagers, including Little Creatures pale ale and Tasmania’s finest, James Boag’s. Jetlag’s mixologists have also created a ‘Gold Coaster’ cocktail, with vodka, triple sec and guava juice. There’s live electronica being played all night, too. £3

Jan 26, 4pm-3am 25 Cleveland Street, W1T 6QB jetlagbar.com Warren Street

GENERATOR HOSTEL PARTY WEEKEND RUSSELL SQUARE Hostels are not just for sleeping, you know, and these guys are up for the whole weekend. The celebrations kick off on Australia Day with Disco Karaoke, then run into Friday’s ‘Hardman’ competition. On Saturday, celebrations reach a crescendo with beer pong and boat racing, then Sunday’s for winding down – depending on what your take on a ‘barbecue and entertainment’ is.

FREE

Jan 26-29, 6pm-3am generatorhostels.com 37 Tavistock Place, WC1H 9SE Russell Square

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A I L A R T S U A 0 2 DAY FREE ENTRY

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CHRIS RICHARDSON TRAVEL BLOGGER What baffles me about London is that, for a city so well-connected to the rest of Europe and everything that it can offer, why on earth they let a beer such as Fosters become so popular is beyond me.

London’s best-kept secret is nobody tells you before arriving in the UK that the pubs close at midnight.

When I want to chill out I go for a walk through one of the many parks scattered across London – it might seem boring, but when your holed up in a hostel or a sardine-can size apartment with five other roommates, you learn to appreciate wide open space.

What I miss most about Australia is being able to walk into a Bakers Delight and grab a cheesymite scroll for lunch or the 15-minute drive home from work rather than an hour-long train, bus and walk. It’s the everyday things I took for granted.

Living in Fulham, you’ll find me in the Cock and Hen, the Fiesta Havana and the Elk Bar for drinks. While they’re all good fun, it’s the big old London pubs such as the Cittie of Yorke, near Chancery Lane Tube, that are really something to see.

To ward off a hangover, I sample a kebab on the way home on a night out.

The best cure after a big Saturday night is a good old-fashioned Sunday roast from the closest local to your doorstep.

What gets me up in the morning? Realising that I’m living (and surviving) on the other side of the world, which many back home only ever dream of.

My perfect weekend would kick off with heading to a museum or a walking tour. From there, I’d round up some mates to enjoy good food and a cold beer to take us through to Sunday when that hangover cure comes into play.

My biggest faux pas is forgetting how many times you’re supposed to kiss someone on the cheek when you greet them. In Europe, I’ve ended up planting a third kiss on the lips, which can be embarrassing.

Five words that sum up London ... My home away from home. theaussienomad.com 18

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Go glam: Beach Blanket Babylon

BAR THE SCENE This converted Victorian warehouse oozes glamour, with luxurious Art Deco designs boasting deep browns, reds and golds, and Seventies opulence spilling across its three floors. Head downstairs to the basement for a 300-capacity cocktail lounge, with plush, stylish sofas, a marble bar and table service. On the ground floor is a 150-seat restaurant, where you can sip cocktails at the standalone, central bar. Some of the staff are friendly, others have visions of grandeur.

Be warned, even purchases over the bar have a 10 per cent service charge added.

If you notice it – and don’t want to pay it – you can opt out.

THE GRUB It’s a modern British menu on offer in the restaurant, boasting everything from steaks to scallops. At the bar, there are sharing platters. Choose from seafood, charcuterie or vegetarian with enough for two people.

BEHIND THE BAR Wines, champagnes and cocktails galore. Top-notch vinos include Chablis, Cloudy Bay and Gavi di Gavi.

BILL PLEASE Sharing platters from £13.50; cocktails from £8.90; a glass of wine from £6.90; a bottle from £21; champagne from £45. A magnum of Cristal is £2100.

VERDICT Yes, it’s pretentious. Yes, it’s full of beautiful people. But that doesn’t detract from it being a great venue for a glamorous night on the tiles. CAROL DRIVER

19-23 Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA

beachblanket.co.uk

Shoreditch High Street

BRETT GRAHAM AT THE LEDBURY

AUSSIE CHEFS

theledbury.com

Sydney-and-Paris-trained Gyngell gave Richmond a garden centre cafe – with a Michelin star – serving seasonal ingredients, often from the nursery garden. petershamnurseries.com

BILL GRANGER AT GRANGER & CO The self-taught cook from from Melbourne opened his latest restaurant last year in Notting Hill. Modern dishes include sweetcorn fritters, fish curry and a full Aussie breakfast. grangerandco.com

BIG BROTHER WANTS YOU! Big Brother returns to our screens on Channel 5 in summer 2012 and we’re looking for vibrant and interesting characters to enter the house.

If you are interested and would like more information you can contact us directly by emailing: bigbrotherteam2012@endemoluk.com Alternatively, you can call us on 0333 577 7769.

Calls will be charged at local rates and mobile phone charges will vary. *We will try and reply to every messages but cannot guarantee that we will be able to reply to every message received. **We may use any information provided by you for the purpose of selecting potential Housemates. We will keep your data securely and we will only share information with third parties when necessary for the purposes of this programme.**

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Photos: Mikkel Vang, Martin Hartley

3 OF THE BEST

From humble beginnings, aged 15, in a simple fish restaurant in Newcastle, Graham now has an arsenal of Michelin stars. The Ledbury is a bit pricey but totally worth it.

SKYE GYNGELL AT PETERSHAM NURSERIES

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BITE SIZE

Que Viet: make an occasion of it

PATRIOTIC PARTY Clapham party bar Bison and Bird is laying on food and drink deals for the Aussie contingent south of the river.

Rock up for snakebites and a glass of Bundaberg rum and coke at £2.95 on Australia Day only. Burgers and pies will also be on the menu. A DJ will be spinning tunes throughout the night ‘til 1am. bisonandbird

COOKIE TIME It’s not a fair dinkum Australia Day without a pantry chocked with foodstuffs from Down Under. So make sure you include Byron Bay cookies in your stash. The delectable crumbly treats were introduced to the world from an idyllic Byron Bay bakehouse 20 years ago. White chocolate & macadamia nut, fig & pecan, and triple-choc fudge are some of the delicious flavours available. Buy 12 cookies for £8.80. byronbaycookies.co.uk

BOTTLES FROM AUS Oz Wines has developed a quarterly vino plan for guzzlers who can’t get enough of an Australian drop. The cheapest of the three options is the ‘gluggers Dozen’ – a case of ‘drink now’ wines sent to your door, in any mix of red or white, for £114.99. Do a whip round with your flatties and stock up in the kitchen for Australia Day, knowing you’ve got vino chosen by experts. They’ll even send you tasting notes 10 days before, so you know you’ll like the stuff. ozwines.co.uk

QUE VIET Vietnamese THE SCENE Kingsland Road has such a glut of Vietnamese restaurants that culinary memories from the strip can blend into a blur of summer rolls and steamy BYO ambience. Here, Que Viet stands out like a beacon, with its friendly, attentive service and original, carefully crafted menu.

THE GRUB Que Viet serves food from northern Vietnam. Dishes are saltier than those in the south, and pepper, rather than chilli, is used for flavour. We begin with a house specialty, grilled mince beef wrapped in betal leaves. I’m vegetarian but the rolls look so delicious nestled in their beds of vermicelli and peanuts, I almost renounce my conviction. But before I abandon 20 years of meat abstinence, our waiter brings a decadently delicious plate of crispy soft-shelled crab. We also try the Ha Noi Fish, sizzling pancakes that we wrap in lettuce and dip in a salty, pungent fish sauce – another house recipe not for the faint-hearted.

Somehow convincing ourselves we’re still hungry, we plump for the steamed sea bass as a main. The fish flakes lightly off the bone and is delicately flavoured with lemongrass. With this, we share a slow-cooked aubergine, stuffed with tofu and mushrooms and literally dripping with flavour. We finish with bowls of warm coconut milk and banana and, in our full, food-drunk state, feel instantly transported to a tropical beach.

The owner is big on matching the right wines to his dishes so ask for advice. Many are available by the carafe so you can try several as your meal progresses. Que Viet also stocks beer and a full selection of spirits.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £3.50; mains from £6.80; wine from £15.50; beer from £3.

VERDICT Que Viet gets as busy as the rest of the Pho Mile, but coming here is more of an occasion than is warranted by some of the alternatives, which basically serve as cheap pre-boozing pit stops. FRANKIE MULLIN BEHIND THE BAR

104 Kingsland Road, E2 8DP

vietrestaurant.co.uk

Old Street

Hoxton

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@TNT GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Are rail fares affecting your life?

81707*

Once in a blue moon, two people connect the way we have. Georgia, I hope you feel the same way.

Let’s do dinner asap

Miguel ‘Web addiction like drink problem’. OK, pump beer to my house

Devious Dave Stephen Gerrard is right: Roberto mancini is a hypocrite for waving the card sign. He criticised rooney for it!!

Anon CAn’t wait to see goyte at She bu Empire. Jealous much, april??!! LOL

Suze Good to see Joe satriani given a run in tnt. he may be old but he’ll never lose it. Still love surfing with the alien!!

Henry If a picture is worth a 1000 words, what is a pic of a 1000 words worth?

Anon

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Sarah Does anyone know of a Uk Danny De Vito fan club?

Would love to join

NO SURPRISE Re: the Aussie girl whose bungee snapped at Victoria Falls. I did this bungee in April last year. The rope winch was broken that day, so they had a team of 10 men who pulled us back up to the bridge. The signs were all there!

Josh Hurrell, via Facebook

Any plans to charge airline customers by weight (re: Laura Chubb’s myTNT blog) by weight is rubbish, I am 6’4 and weigh about 100kg, but am not obese … so would I be included in this because of my aboveaverage weight?

Peter Jones, via Facebook

Sez After all this time, I’m off. Back to Australia for beers and bbqs.

Pretty much same as here!

Curse the visa sitch

Wagga

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NO RESPECT Re: the ‘US Marines urinating on dead Taliban’ video on tntmagazine.com: You would think after the scandal of the Iraq abuse videos they would know better. It’s disgraceful.

President Obama promised

an end to this and an end to Guantanimo and there has been nothing except an end to the space programme. Disgusting!

It’s not about what the Taliban may or may not have done. The whole point is to show people there is a more civilised way to live than the Taliban way – this defeats the object and makes the sacrifice of the majority of good soldiers almost in vain.

Craig Davies, via Facebook

Christian wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @the90slife:Having to call your friend’s home phone and talk to their parents first. @WillFarellParody: If twin females marry twin males, and they both have a child, will both children look the exact same? MIND = BLOWN @1_900_ShaTheGod: Just an FYI: Thursday the 12th is just as rare as Friday the 13th

TATTS STUPID Tom Sturrock’s sporting column last week (TNT 1480) hit the nail on the head about the Aussie cricket team being too metrosexual. Just this week, Mitchell Johnson had an interview about his injured foot and was pictured in a moonboot, wearing only his underwear. What a tosser.

Peter Samuels, via email TWITTER FAILS JORDAN /74

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Amy Lewis: My worst hostel experience was in Germany where an Austrian man threatened me for being a “English spoken” person.

Peter Rodgers: Former Aussie PM Bob Hawke is a legend for sculling a beer at the cricket. Never forget him on TV that morning we won the America’s Cup, in that terrible suit, soaked in champagne.

Lara Jones: It was disgusting and saddening to see an Amazon child burnt to death by loggers.

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Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

High-speed rail for £32bn (TNT 1480)? What a waste of effort. Why can’t the government spend some money in bringing down the cost of rail fares in this country.

What I pay for a round trip from Milton Keynes to London in one day is the same as what my friend pays for citywide travel in Sydney for two weeks. Insane! Some days it would be cheaper for me to fly to Europe than to catch the train to work. Seriously.

Christian Taylor, via Facebook

WEIGHING IN

My mate was telling me that he has made it into the 2012 British Olympic team. What does he want, a bloody medal?

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THE CHURCH The Clapham Grand, Clapham Sunday, January 8 Photos by: Llewellyn Cass / TNT Images

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LONDONSOUND

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Velvety vocals: La Havas

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD Indie-pop newcomer Lana Del Ray has been accumulating column/blog inches since her debut single Video Games made her hot property, but there have been voices attacking her authenticity because of her ‘false name and false look’. Sure, the lady born Lizzy Grant has adopted a funkier image (she freely admits this was dreamed up by the suits, too) but to criticise her for this is to miss pop and indie’s point. We want our stars to be eccentric and exciting, even if this is newly adopted – they are performers!

Most artists’ onstage persona is vastly different to their one backstage/on the tourbus/doing the weekly shop at Morrisons. To complain about someone taking up a new persona to succeed is naive and misguided. Lana/Lizzy may have found success with her calculated pouting, but what really matters is whether her new look and sound – and debut album Born To Die – is any good.

Not how ‘genuine’ it is.

LIANNE LA HAVAS The Social, 5 Little Portland Street, W1W 7JD TUES, JAN 17 | DOORS AT 8PM | £10

Soulful singer-songwriter Lianne La Havas jumped from obscurity to headlinegrabber when she delivered one career-changing performance. It was October last year, on Jools Holland’s Later show, and La Havas brought the room to a halt with her haunting, spell-binding performance of Age. All eyes in the room focused on her and refused to divert, everyone was transfixed. Since then, things have been different for this soul star in the making. Advance tickets for this show sold out for starters, with only a smattering left on the door.

La Havas’s debut EP, Lost & Found, was released last year and featured a duet with US folkster Willy Mason on opening track No Room For Doubt. Her strippedback, sparse sound is marked by its simplicity and directness – just a voice and acoustic guitar (an instrument she only picked up relatively late on). But what it lacks in complexity it more than makes up for in its ability to connect and affect, chiefly down to Lianne’s velvety vocals.

A storyteller and lyrical confidant, La Havas connects with the listener by conveying, simultaneously, a vulnerability and strength. Lost & Found reflects, mostly, on a former lover, with Lianne displaying a playfulness and wit too, as evidenced in lyrics like Age’s: “Is it a problem that he is old, so long as he does what he is told?”

It’s time to catch her now before she explodes, which, with a debut album set for the spring, and new EP Forget out next month, won’t be long. thesocial.com

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Oxford Circus

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NEW BAND

THE XCERTS GIG WED, JAN 18. 7PM £7.50

The Aberdeen/Exeter-bred trio bring their catchy emo-tinged indie-rock – heavy guitars and haunting melodies in the vein of fellow Scots Biffy Clyro and Twin Atlantic – to town. Expect a set that draws on their instant classic debut In The Cold Wind We Smile, their Scatterbrain follow-up, as well as recent EP Slackerpop.

Borderline W1D 4JB borderline

venues.meanfiddler.com/ Tott Crt Road

CLUB DE FROMAGE

DISTRICT

CLUB

CLUB

SAT, JAN 21. 10.30PM-3.30AM £6.50

SAT, JAN 21. 9PM-2.30AM FREE

Fat Tony and Slow Alfie lead the charge at this silliness-first indie, pop and retro night, with this evening’s fun-filled shenanigans tilting their hats to the likes of King of Pop Michael Jackson and the perennial (and definitely-not-dead) Jon Bon Jovi. Those in fancy dress get a pass to the front of the queue.

DJ Hooch of Funkin’ Pussy and Fresh n’ Funky’s Brian Norman team up for this block-partyvibing night, which comes stuffed full to the brim with the biggest hip hop, funk, soul, house and dubstep party tunes. Resident DJs Mr Blue, Renegade, DJ 279 and D-Bo join this meeting of minds on the decks.

Academy Islington 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS clubdefromage.com Angel

The Bowery 36-38 New Oxford St, WC1A 1EP thebowerylondon.co.uk Holborn

ENTER SHIKARI

WETYOURSELF

NADA SURF

GIG

CLUB

GIG

MON, JAN 16. 7PM FREE

SUN, JAN 22. 11PM-6AM £10

MON, JAN 16. 7PM Free

This young group of noisemongers looked like they were going to go stratospheric, then they dropped off the radar for two years. They return to unleash their self-described trancecore (that’s hardcore meets electronica, for the unitiated) at this intimate gig showcasing their third album, A Flash Flood Of Colour.

Clerkenwell’s clubbing institution keeps the weekend going with this celebrated technoelectro night. Featuring resident DJs Cormac, Peter Pixzel and Jacob Husley, it’s the place to be for the clubhounds with no work to go to on the Monday morning. Or a boss who doesn’t mind the odd bleary eye.

Promoting seventh album, The Stars Are Indifferent To Astronomy (tickets distributed to those buying the album at RTE today), this New York three-piece received Nineties mainstream fanfare in the alternative scene and have enjoyed longevity through their melancholic and always melodic output.

Borderline W1D 4JB borderline

Fabric 77a Charterhouse St, EC1M 3HN Farringdon fabriclive.com

Rough Trade East 91 Brick Lane, E1 6QL roughtrade.com Aldgate East

venues.meanfiddler.com/ Tott Crt Road

BETH JEANS HOUGHTON & THE HOOVES OF DESTINY THE BUZZ SO FAR Newcastle’s Beth (and co) was a tipped newcomer back in 2009 but debut album Yours Truly, Cellophane Nose will only be unveiled next month. Akin to a kookier Florence, ‘the Hooves are purveyors of a wildly diverse indie pop – think organs and trumpet accompaniment amidst the off-kilter eccentricity.

THE CRITICS SAY “She is a star in the making and her musical reach is large.” The Daily Mirror.

THE PLUG Yours Truly, Cellophane Nose is released Feb 6. Single Sweet Tooth Bird is due out Feb 20 through Mute Artists.

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25

CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 16 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

BOOK NOW!

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

7pm-late. £4, free before 9pm.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

Monday Midnight Mass Nicos and Shane spin indie and rock.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). 11pm-3am. £3.

Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm.

Revolution Monday DJ Si Collard plays commercial dance, house, chart and R‘n’B. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm.

TUESDAY 17 Caribbean Renaissance Holiday Special Jb Crew, Lover’s T and Mellow Bostic supply reggae, rock and retro hits. Porky’s Wine Bar, Sternhold Ave, SW2 4PA (020 8671 3424).

10pm-late. £5, free before 11pm.

Forca Brasil DJ Fred spins salsa, samba and Latin tunes, plus live bands. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown provide pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS £3.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus spin electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10.30pm-3am. £4-£5.

26

THE ORPHANAGE VALENTINE’S MASKED BALL Adam Street Club. Sat, Feb 18. £25 Sharply dressed, masked decadence and Valentine’s Day – the perfect fit.

WC2N 6AA

thelasttuesdaysociety.org

WEDNESDAY 18 Beach Bum DJ Larry Sun plays a mash-up of dance, hip-hop, electro and party.

Ladybird Bar, Upper St, N1 0NY (020 7359 1710). 9pm-2am. Free.

The Boom Bap Mr Thing and residents Hudge and Shredded Pete supply hip-hop, old skool, breaks and B-Boy funk. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 7pm-1am. Free.

Cheapskates Old school hiphop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Death2Disco DJ Danny Watson and guests supply rock, punk and indie, plus live performances from Black Tambourine and Innercity Pirates. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. Free.

Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight.

Madd Raff Wednesdays The Heatwave supply bashment and dancehall, plus a dance session with dancehall instructor Safwaan Shoshoni of Pineapple Studios. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

7pm-1am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

Charing Cross

Whipped Presents DJs Porta, Lemon and Zinc spin dubstep, drum ‘n’ bass, jungle and dub. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). 7pm-late. £4.

THURSDAY 19 Bad Sex Resident DJs spin electro and alternative.

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, guestlist free.

Fuel Thursdays DJ Melody Kane spins house, funk, soul and urban beats. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

The Gallery Gareth Emery, Daniel Kandi, Solarstone, Will Holland, Oliver Lang, Gavyn Mytchel, Steve Lee and Shaun Kay spin trance, progressive house, electronica and techno. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-6am. £13.

Gottwood With Wildkats Wildkats, eLDOKO, Ed Steele & Kostas G and Ambitur spin house, drum ‘n’ bass, electro and techno. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339).

10pm-4am. £12, adv £10.

Ghost On Toast Presents DJs Foamo and Jagerverb spin house, electro and techno, with support from Tharindu, Lolak and Robert Weak. Amersham Arms, New Cross Rd, SE14 6TY (020 8469 1499). 2pm-7pm. £5.

I Love Pacha DJs CK and All Stars spin house, electro and techno. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-6am. £20, adv £10.

Latin Krazy DJs spin salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton, plus salsa dances lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

Old School Fridays DJ Steve Butcher plays old school house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Musical Bingo DJs Rapture, Jonny Unknown and Stocky spin electro, rock and indie, with host Luisa Omielan, plus bingo.

Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888). 7.30pm-midnight. £5.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, electro, dance, R‘n’B and hip-hop. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Nonclassical Presents JD Twitch (DJ set), Gabriel Prokofiev and Richard Lannoy spin disco, house and techno, plus live orchestral music from Steve Reich, John Adams and Louis Andriessen. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959).

8pm-2am. £10, adv £8.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins commercial dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040).

9pm-3am. £5, mems £3.

Trannyoke Lady Lloyd hosts a night of transsexual karaoke, plus DJ Matt spins pop and dance.

Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. Free.

Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 10pm.

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Dub Force Showfest, Young Warrior, Sister Naffi I supply jungle, dub and drum ‘n’ bass.

Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

9pm-6am. £10, adv £8.

Roller Disco Old school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

Therapy Electro-pop and dance from DJs Miswhite, Minx, Paul Heron and Sonathaq.

The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-5am. £10, free before 11pm.

WWA Warm Up Gilles Peterson, If An Dafydd and Lefto spin electro and pop, with live performances from Bad Bad Not Good, 2morrow’s Victory and fLako. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-3am. £10.

SATURDAY 21 Blackout Drum ‘n’ bass, house and techno courtesy of DJs Black Sun Empire, Ed Rush, Calyx, Audio, Klute, Ulterior Motive and Presha with hosts MC DRS, 2Shy MC and MC System. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. £12, NUS/adv £10.

Dirty Dutch House and electro from Chuckie, who supplies a seven-hour set B2B with Knife Party, Gregor Salto, Joe and Will Ask in room one. Plus Gregori Klosman, Glow In The Dark and Mitchell Niemeyer in room two, with Gifted DJs in room three.

The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 11pm-7am. £15.

La Dolce VIta Lucio Aquilina, Marco Faraone, Ivan Jacobucci, Neverdogs and Dirty Channels supply techno, minimal and electronic house. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-6am. £13.

Fabric Terry Francis, Claude VonStroke, Efdemin and Delta Funktionen spin electro, house and techno, plus Ray Oka and Skudge perform live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, NUS £12, £9 after 4am, adv £23 inc CD. Gilles Peterson’s Worldwide Awards Hudson Mohawke, Julio Bashmore, Zane Lowe, Gang Colours, Koreless and Lefto spin house, techno and electro, with live performances.

Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 7pm-late. £25.

Hat Club DJ Guy Williams spins house, techno and disco, with support from Danny Keston, David Lee, Damien Stone, Alex Waring, Carl Smeaton, Carl Fidler and Boule. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 6pm-3am. £15, guestlist £10, free before 9pm.

Tempo Eterno Hausmann, Nic Ostacchini Horatioblood, Dan Gilchrist and Junior Is Dead spin house and techno. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

SUNDAY 22 Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-9am. £12, £10 before 12midnight, w/flyer £6 before 12midnight, adv £8.

Showtime DJ F-Sound spins house, electro, R‘n’B and dance anthems.

One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, adv £5, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Vibez Diablo V, Dirtybydesign, Jay Deep, Darren James and Matt Taylor spin house and techno.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

WetYourSelf Lee Brinx, Oiram Gar, Cormac and Peter Pixzel spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.

Photos: Sin Bozkurt

Short Back And Sides Dubstep, electro, indie and drum ‘n’ bass from resident DJs. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993).

9pm-2am. £5, free before 10.30pm.

FRIDAY 20 Basslaced Breakage, Benji B, Kasra & Foreign Concept, Silkie, R1 Ryders and Moxie spin dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass in the main room, while BNTL DJs play electro and funk in room two. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. £10, concs £8.

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MONDAY 16 Black Lion Project Rock from the London-based four-piece.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, adv £4.50.

Rebecca Pronsky, Steven Finn Alt country from the American singer-songwriter and guitarist.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £7.

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Seeds Of Creation, Al Scott Trio World music by the Algerian band. The Spice Of Life, Moor St, W1D 5NA (020 7739 3025). £10, NUS £8.

Doyle And The Fourfathers Alt pop from the London-based group. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £6.

Juan Zelada The Londonbased musician performs pop-driven indie-blues. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £8.

Alan Glen/John O’Leary Allstars The outfit plays blues.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Jacquelyn Hynes Traditional Irish folk from the singer-flautist.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £8.

Kano, Maxsta Rap from Londonbased artist Kane Robinson.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12, adv £10.

Mallory Knox Rock from the London-based five-piece.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £6.

Mem1 Electroacoustica from the US-based ensemble. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £6.

Brian Protheroe Acoustica from the singer-songwriter.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £11.

Sugar Ray Ford Quartet The outfit plays jump jive and swing. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £6, free before 10pm.

A Winged Victory For The Sullen The duo performs classicallyinfluenced ambient post-rock.

Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £13.50.

TUESDAY 17 Enfant Electro-pop group from London. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £8, guestlist £6.

The Hamptons, Mike Brightley Folk-pop by the London-based band. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

Ed Jones Quartet Blue Note style bop and improv with a touch of funk from the sax-led combo. Lower Ground Bar, West End Ln, NW6 1QS (020 7431 2211). £7.

FRIDAY 20 SPEECH DEBELLE Jazz Cafe. Mon, Feb 13. £10 After winning the 2009 Mercury Music Prize, Speech is back with album number two – see new single Studio Backpack Rap – and a heavier sound too.

5 Parkway, NW1 7PG

jazzcafe.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 18 Cashtastic Hip-hop and grime from the MC. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £8, adv £5.

Diagrams Tunng member Sam Genders leads his folk and electronic-infused alt pop combo. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £7.

Holy State Post-punk by the Leeds-based band. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £6, w/flyer £5.

Lawson The four-piece plays pop-rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8.

Richie Milton & The Lowdown Upbeat swing and R‘n’B septet.

Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £8, free before 10pm.

Tom Moriarty Folk-rock and blues by the Londonbased singer-songwriter.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £6.

Christina Perri, Marcus Foster, Jack Martello Pop by the Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Jonny Kearney & Lucy Farrell Folk from the Newcastle-based guitar and fiddle duo. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £9.50.

Punch Brothers Bluegrass and Americana by the US-based band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50.

Lianne La Havas Soul and alt pop from the Londonbased singer-songwriter.

The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). £9.90.

The Pyramids African-influenced psychedelic combo from the US. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). Wed & Thu. £12, adv £10, two day pass £18.

Various Cruelties Indie-pop from the London-based outfit. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £8.

Ian Siegal, Joe Corbin The singer-songwriter and guitarist plays blues and bluesrock. The Bedford, Bedford Hill, SW12 9HD (020 8682 8940). £8.

Wolf People Contemporary prog rock band from Bedford, London and North Yorkshire.

Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

Spagetti Anywhere, King Of Spain, Alexander’s Festival Hall Indie-pop by the London-based band. 93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). £7, concs £5.

Camden Town

Thirteen, Jonny Vs Lakey Alt and experimental prog by the London-based band. The Enterprise, Haverstock Hill, NW3 2BL (020 7485 2659). £7, adv £5.

The Xcerts Contemporary rock band from Aberdeen. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £7.50.

THURSDAY 19 Burton Bradstock The vocalist performs his own renditions of traditional English songs.

Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £5.

The Deptford Rivieras Film, soul and lounge music by the sax-led combo. Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £10-£20.

Fjokra Electronica and lo-fi poprock by the London-based band.

Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15.

Forest Tongues, Novas Basement The Londonbased two-piece plays dark experimental folk.

The Bowery, New Oxford St, WC1A 1EP (020 7580 3057/ cc 0844 477 1000). £8, adv £6.

Ledfoot The American singerguitarist plays gothic blues.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

Babelfish Folk musicians from groups including Peatbog Faeries, Session A9 and Blazin’ Fiddles unite to perform pieces inspired by Robert Burns. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50.

Olcay Bayir & Her Band World music singer-songwriter from Turkey. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12, adv £10.

Danny Bowes & Ben Matthews Classic rock by the singer from Thunder and colleague.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £17.50.

The Cellophane Flowers, Radiateur, VOS, Koasound Indie-pop by the London-based band. Underbelly, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7837 4412). £8, adv £6.

Asking Alexandria Metalcore from the York-based outfit.

HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £12.50-£14.

Congo Faith Healers Alt rock and blues by the Londonbased four-piece. Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £10-£25.

Peter Doherty Romantic indierock from the Libertine and Babyshambles frontman. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £22.50.

Empire State R‘n’B and soul outfit. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm.

Fred The Cork-based band plays tuneful indiepop. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £8.

Dana Gillespie Blues and bluesrock by the experienced singersongwriter from London. Brook’s Blues Bar, The Telegraph, Telegraph Rd, SW15 3TU (020 8788 2011). £12.

Amos Lee The Philadelphiabased singer performs soulful blues and folk. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.50.

Darren Hayman The singersongwriter performs solo indie-folk material as well as music from Hefner, his former band. The Hideaway, Junction Rd, N19 5LB (020 7561 0779). £10.

My Ruin, Godsized Metal and hard rock from the American outfit. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £12.

Icarus, Babs Electronica from the duo. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £8, adv £7.

Ledisi R‘n’B and soul from the American singer.

The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £18.50.

Of Mercia, Jake Benson, Antony Raine, George Schuster The London-based four-piece plays atmospheric rock. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £8, £7 before 10pm.

Ben Waters Boogie woogie and rock ‘n’ roll from the virtuoso pianist. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £15, adv £12.

The Long Notes Alt folk by the London-based band.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £8.

SUNDAY 22

Joao Neto & Frederico Country music by the Brazilian duo. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777). £20.

Meretto, Abbey Bowden, Lydia Baylis, Lucy Pullin The Londonbased three-piece plays poprock. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

The Pigott Brothers, Andrew Balkwill, Hannah Clive, The Luck Commercial pop-rock by the Canadian siblings. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £8, £7 before 10pm.

Ben Ottewell The singersongwriter, musician and Gomez member plays acoustica and indie. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £13.

Acid Drinkers Thrash metal by the band from Poland.

Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £17.

Fused, Harrison, Million Faces, Indigophonics Alt pop from the London-based band. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £8, adv £6.

Benet McLean Band The pianist and vocalist plays post-bop with his rhythm section. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

James Newman Contemporary soul by the London-based singer.

The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £5.

SATURDAY 21 999 The veteran outfit plays punk. Bridgehouse 2, Bidder St, E16 4ST (020 7474 3200). £10.

The Bonfire Band Folk and blues by the London-based combo. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £6.

Futureproof, Dive Bella Dive The London-based outfit plays energetic, dance-orientated pop.The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £5.

Ed Sheeran Soulful pop from the London-based singer-songwriter.

O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £18.50.

Tati Kalveks, Andy Patterson Indie-pop singer-songwriter from London. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £6.

Steelwing, Skull Fist, Vanderbuyst Heavy metal from the Swedish outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £10.

Model, Sudden Exit Pop band from Turkey. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

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Aussie at heart: Naomi Watts 28

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Still burning brightly Even with the twin demands of motherhood and a demanding career, Naomi Watts’s star qualities remain undiminished WORDS PIERRE DE VILLIERS

As you would expect from a woman who is juggling a successful acting career with being a mother to two young children, Naomi Watts looks a tad weary as she sits down for a chat. “I haven’t had a full eight hours of sleep in four years!” the Australian actress says with a warm smile. “I can safely say I am a little overwhelmed by it all.”

While her balancing act over the past few years has been enormously tiring, Watts wouldn’t swap the experience for the world. Motherhood and her relationship with fellow actor Liev Schreiber has brought about a kind of happiness and contentment the 43-year-old hankered after for decades.

“I’m happy with the work I’m doing, but being a mother will be my conscious priority for a long time,” she points out.

“I feel so rich inside – I feel blessed. For me, it’s been a way of fulfilling a long-buried childhood dream. I had always wanted to be a mother but when I was desperately searching for work in LA after I moved there from Australia, any thoughts of family were very distant indeed and it seemed that it might never happen for me. It’s almost frightening for me to think now that if I hadn’t met Liev, I might never have had children of my own.”

Watts and Schreiber (star of films like Wolverine and Salt) started dating in 2005 and it was while working together in China on drama The Painted Veil the next year that they both realised how much they cared for each other.

“We had started dating before doing that film but I think being in China with him was when I realised how much I missed him when he left because he only had a few weeks of shooting on the film,” Watts recalls. “That was probably the moment where we both realised how much we were going to miss each other. But in terms of my work on the film, it was much easier for me to focus on my character once Liev had gone back to New York because it was hard for me to concentrate when he was in China with me.”

Watts admits that by the time she met Schreiber – with who she has two sons Sasha, four, and Kai, three – she had serious doubts over whether she would ever meet Mr Right.

“You worry that it is not maybe meant to be and you start doubting whether it was worth working so hard and not leaving that much time for yourself and to be in the position to meet someone and be able to nurture a relationship,” the actress says. “If you’re doing three films a year, you’re basically living out of a hotel the entire time and your life is

whatever you make of it while you’re on a film set. I was also the kind of actress who had fought so long to finally make it that I was always overly anxious about finding the next project and maintaining my career. On top of that, you wonder why you aren’t meeting someone who might be the man to start a family with. I’m glad I’m past all that.”

“

I feel very Australian.

And very English

”

With things going so well with her love life, it takes some special projects to wrench Watts away from domestic bliss. New film J. Edgar more than qualifies. Chronicling the life of the notorious first head of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover, the Oscarbaiting film has a powerhouse director in Clint Eastwood and a sublime cast including Leonardo DiCaprio (as Hoover) and Judi Dench (as Hoover’s domineering mother). ››

Indispensable: Watts’s Gandy serves Di Caprio’s Hoover

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

29

Clockwise from top left: Watts with mother Niv; with J. Edgar director Clint Eastwood; and with husband Liev Schrieber

Natural beauty: Watts is a five-minute girl Doing sterling work, Watts plays Helen Gandy, Hoover’s secretary whom he described as “indispensable”. One of the challenges facing the actress was the fact that – with the film spanning the 48 years Hoover ran the FBI – she had to age on screen.

“It was interesting and I think I saw traces of my grandmother and mother,” she says. “I think with Helen, we wanted to make her look elegant, so we were trying to go carefully. The process of the endless hours, sitting in a make-up chair is hard and I’m quite an anxious, fidgety person anyway, so I don’t really like people touching me for too long.” Watts is far more relaxed when it comes to ageing

30

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J. Edgar is out now. Read our review on page 32 and see the movie trailer online at tntmagazine.com/jedgar

Photos: Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc., Getty

Old bones: Watts had to age for her role as Helen Gandy

in real life. Known as a star who refuses to respond to the arrival of crow’s feet with a dash to nearest Botox clinic, the actress is a natural beauty – in more ways than one.

“I like to look nice but it is certainly not the ruling thing in my life,” Watts shrugs. “I want my coffee in the morning and if I haven’t had a shower, I’ll still go out. I have always been a five-minute girl.”

Watts’ no-fuss attitude is an indication that, while she now lives in New York, the actress remains very much an Aussie at heart.

“I feel very Australian,” says Watts, who was born in Kent and moved Down Under when she was 14. “And I feel very English as well. I am a combination of the two.”

Watts swapped Sydney for Los Angeles in the mid-1990s, a move that, initially, looked to be a big mistake as she struggled to make a mark as an actress. The tough years the star spent trying to get a foothold in Hollywood makes Watts all the more grateful for the success she now has, both in her professional and personal life.

“Acting is such an uncertain kind of life,” says the star, who was nominated for an Oscar in 2004 for 21 Grams.

“You struggle so much at the beginning of your career – at least I did – and then you suddenly find yourself working all the time and after six or seven years you realise that maybe work and success isn’t everything.

“Meeting Liev was my great fortune in life and now I can enjoy being a mother and still manage to keep working.

It’s a busier kind of life, but, in the end, it’s everything I wanted.” ❚

Travel discounts of up to 50% | Jayson Norris & Melic Live | Travel Seminars Free to Pre-register at tnttravelshow.com

Saturday 3 March 2012 Earls Court Exhibition Centre West Brompton TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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A PAIR OF TICKETS TO PAJAMA MEN: IN THE MIDDLE OF NO ONE Following the most successful comedy run ever at Soho Theatre, an unprecedented nine weeks, the Pajama Men make their West End debut!

A fast-paced comedy thriller about love, alien abduction, the pressure cooker of solitude and the spirit of adventure.

Presented in the Pajama Men’s trademark style of blink-ofan-eye character switches and plot twists, underscored with unflinching joke telling, In the Middle of No One is a bizarre flight of fancy-pants.

‘Simply one of the most innovative, original and hilarious comedy acts around.’ ´´´´´ Telegraph ‘Comic bliss’ ´´´´´ Guardian ‘Oddball, seriously deranged and cleverly funny … a mustexperience event’ ´´´´ Evening Standard Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions Charing Cross Theatre Mon, Jan 9 – Sat, March 3. 7.30pm Box Office: 020 7907 7075 charingcrosstheatre.co.uk

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Darren Weller

The Australian actor on playing ‘shit-stirrer’ Wikileaks founder Julian Assange and ‘lightweight’ David Cameron INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

What did you learn about Julian Assange through playing him?

It is difficult to get material on what he is like, how he reacts to situations. When he is angry, he is very metered, still and calm, and he’s fiercely intelligent. He does like his own privacy in terms of who he is because he doesn’t see his personality as being important. He is full of contradictions, saying one thing and thinking something completely different. He has a great sense of humour and is a terrific shit-stirrer.

What sort of preparation did you do?

I watched videos of Assange incessantly because I want people to think, “That looks and sounds like Julian”. I didn’t want the audience to be thrown by an interpretation, so I bleached my hair, got the voice right, and studied his mannerisms, because he is quite kooky and there is a clownish quality to him. I haven’t met him or sat in a room with him, but who knows now that we are on the same continent. Although, he probably has more pressing issues, like the US Supreme Court.

How has Man In The Middle changed from its original Sydney production under the title of Stainless Steel Rat? There was a plot in the earlier version that a film director was making a movie about Assange and Wikileaks. The whole play was told from the director’s point of view, which was a large distraction, so that has gone.

How is the story told now?

It needs to be told from someone else’s point of view so all the characters are being recorded or taped, all these devices appear and you are never quite sure in which medium it’s taking place. We’re using technology to refract the story, as that’s how we receive information these days.

Are there any other new characters added into this version?

Mark Zuckerberg is in the new story, meeting UK prime minister David Cameron at Number 10.

Is this meeting fact or fiction, or both?

All of the play is based on known meetings, except for maybe one. Zuckerberg and Cameron had a meeting, and the Cameron and US

Separating the man and the myth: Weller as Assange

president Barrack Obama scene is about the diplomatic cables released saying Cameron was a lightweight. The conversations are imagined but the information contained within the scenes is not – it is all out there in the public record.

But there is a very strong sentiment of satire, especially with the public figures.

his shoulder, which bred into him, for better or worse, this sense of paranoia. He brings people close and then cuts them off, which is a pattern with most people – his break up with The Guardian, with his legal team. He always isolates himself, whether it’s about trust or this messianic thing where he thinks he’s right.

Does the story unfold chronologically?

The story is very complex. You could spend three hours explaining how Wikileaks works, and then there’s the personal drama, the extradition stuff, so we have tried to keep it flowing chronologically. The first half plays out on a larger political scale, we see Obama talking to Cameron, we see [Australian PM] Julia Gillard, even [Russian president] Dmitry Medvedev putting Assange up for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Then the second focuses on Assange and his legal battle.

What do you think about the freedom of information?

I can’t say whether I am for or against Wikileaks.

I admire what they are trying to do, but dumping a whole pile of documents online is irresponsible, there needs to be some very stern journalistic principles engaged within the process which is problematic if you are Assange and idealistic – you want people to make up their own minds.

It is horrible what has been done. I was living in the US when it blew up, especially the diplomatic cables, after which they were calling for his execution. And then about him being a rapist, even though he hasn’t been charged with anything. They want to extradite him to investigate him on potential charges, and that then becomes how he is branded.

What does it tell us about Julian Assange’s early life?

It is referred to, but there are not flashback scenes or anything. His backstory is fascinating – we’re both from Queensland – that he was on the run throughout a lot of his childhood from his mother’s allegedly abusive ex-partner, who was a member of a cult, with connections within Australian government departments.

He learnt from a young age to be looking over

Man In The Middle runs until Feb 4 at Theatre503. £14. The Latchmere, 503 Battersea Park Road, SW11 3BW Clapham Junction theatre503.com

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Leonardo DiCaprio as Hoover

J EDGAR FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts | 15 | 136mins

CORIOLANUS FILM STARRING: Ralph Fiennes, Gerard Butler, Brian Cox | 15 | 122mins

How do you make Shakespeare relevant to today’s audience? By dropping the Roman setting of the Bard’s original and transplanting it to the present day – guns, generals, Gerard Butler and all, accompanied by Shakespeare’s vintage dialogue. Bardfan Ralph Fiennes makes his directorial debut and stars in this brutal and bloody contemporary reworking.

On general release from Jan 20 34

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J Edgar Hoover, the man who built the FBI, is known for many things: his obsessive attention to the details of detection (he championed fingerprinting, hitherto thought of as a ‘speculative science’), his lack of love for the Kennedys, and his much-mused-over sexual persuasion. Clint Eastwood’s film – starring DiCaprio as the driven yet often-mocked bureau head – touches on these, but fails to reveal much more than we already know about the man.

J Edgar tells of the radicals and communists that Hoover despised and feared, as well as the Thirties gangster wars and the civil rights movement, but focuses on two key influences in his life: his professional/personal, did they-didn’t-they relationship with the specially appointed FBI second-in-command Clyde Tolson (The Social Network’s Armie Hammer) and his domineering, frighteningly possessive mother (played by a stern and cold Judi Dench).

Told through flashbacks as an ageing Edgar narrates his memoirs to various writers, the narrative is denied any real focus. Edgar’s mother fuels the guilt in part responsible for the denying of his man-love for Clyde, his jealousy and insecurities fuel his fallouts with other agents and public figures. This focus on the personal over professional, though, means too little is shown of the era and its crimes, resulting in a strangely time-less film. DiCaprio is excellent (despite some dodgy prosthetics for Hoover’s latter years), nailing the accent and personal demons of a secretive man, but the film’s fumbled focus means this biopic underwhelms.

GOOD FOR: Seeing DiCaprio deliver a spellbinding performance sure to be Oscar-recognised

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GIVE US A

ALEXEI SAYLE: PRESENTS

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Staunch left-winger and the man who famously fell out with fellow The Young Ones writer Ben Elton, the inimitable Alexei Sayle, returns to stand-up comedy with this first of four Tuesdaynight shows in which he presents a variety of acts he has personally chosen from the comedy scene.

Ha ha!

Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Jan 17, 24, 31 & Feb 7. £15 sohotheatre.com Oxford Circus

ALEX HARTLEY: THE WORLD IS STILL BIG

HUIS CLOS

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Artist Alex Hartley – who is taking his floating sculpture Nowhereisland, moored in the Miro’s back garden, on a 500km trip round the UK as part of the Cultural Olympiad – exhibits this collection of sneakily transformed photos of sparse rural locations (Devon to Arctic tundra), to which deceptive scale models have been added.

The Donmar’s second season showcasing the work of its Resident Assistant Directors concludes with Paul Hart’s intentionally claustrophobic revival of John Paul Sartre’s existential depiction of hell, as a journalist, postal clerk and socialite uncover the awkward truths that brought them there. LK

Victoria Miro 16 Wharf Road, N1 7RW, Until Jan 21. Free victoria-miro.com Old Street

Trafalgar Studios 2 14 Whitehall, SW1A 2DY. To Jan 28. £17.50£22 atgtickets.com Charing Cross

CHRIS RAMSEY Tell us about your show Offermation? It’s about unwanted, useless information in life. I received round-robin Christmas letters a few years ago from people I didn’t even know existed but they found it fitting to report their lives to me.

It’s all stand-up around that.

Weirdest gig you’ve ever done?

I once did a terrible gig at pub The Wasps Nest. There was no mic, stage, lighting or expecting audience. I had to walk into the middle of the room and talk … basically ruining the night for everyone who was there.

Photos: Arnim Freis; Getty

Weirdest question you’ve been asked? Do you watch Smallville?

From a random man in the street.

That’s the only thing he said to me.

THE SITTER

FOG

FILM

THEATRE

Jonah Hill, the fat one from Superbad, goes centre stage as a couch-bound slacker who starts work as a babysitter, only for things to go wrong when he is entrusted with a group of apocalyptic little brats. The pressure’s on Hill to prove himself as a solo star, and this lewd and crude comedy, from the director of Pineapple Express, shouldn’t prove too much of a stretch.

This powerful play began as a drama school audition piece for Toby Wharton, written in collaboration with Tash Fairbanks, a veteran of feminist lesbian theatre. Expanded to 80 mins, Wharton convinces as troubled white teenager Fog and Ché Walker’s streetsmart production paints a depressing picture of kids in care. LK

On general release from Jan 20

Finborough SW10 9ED. To Jan 28. £11-£15 finboroughtheatre.co.uk West Brompton

What makes you funny? I’ve changed my mind: that’s the weirdest question I’ve been asked.

What scares you in the world?

Tectonic plates, volcanoes, meteors (not technically in the world, I know), disease, falling off stuff, jellyfish and Jedward.

Offermation is at Soho Theatre. Jan 25-28. £10-£12.50

21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE

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35

SPARETIME The Big Pink: Future This Album

The art rock duo’s second album, named after an Eighties skateboard advert. £7.95 zavvi.com

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Winter Sports 2012 Wii

High octane sports on snow and ice from the toasty-warm comfort of your sofa. £24.99 base.com

Sonic Generations Tribes: Baby Album

The promising debut from a guitar band who are on this year’s NME awards tour. £7.99 hmv.com

3DS

Play as new Sonic or as the Nineties version of the bright-blue hedgehog. £19.95 thehut.com

SatSki Android app

Great Cake Places Book

The best spots in London to enjoy a tasty slice of cake.

What resolutions? £9.95

The old favourite ski map app now has a buddy tracker and a new online snow network for sharing your stats.

Free luvthesnow.com

greatcakeplaces.com

AirVinyl Wael Ghonim: Revolution 2.0 Book

Written by the Egyptian man who set up a Facebook page calling for people to protest. £11.99 waterstones.com

iPhone app

Add a warm, fuzzy vinyl sound to all your music. £0.69 itunes.apple.com

Nylon case iPad2

Kings of Leon: Iconic DVD

How the brothers (and cousin) took over the rock world, one song at a time. £5.99 play.com

Multiple viewing angles, a cut-out for the camera – and a rather nice design too. £49.99 maroo.com

Re:creation RipStik Gadget

The Whistleblower DVD

Rachel Weisz uncovers a sex trafficking operation in post-war Bosnia, involving UN personnel. £9.95 thehut.com

Anyone defying growing up can learn tricks on this modified skateboard. £79.99 argos.co.uk

App of the Week TuneIn Radio iOS, Android, Windows, Palm, Blackberry

Get your Australia Day fix from back home with the app that lets you listen to global radio stations wherever you are.

Free tunein.com

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Women’s Hot Tuna hoodie A foxy little hood from the iconic Aussie surf label. hot-tuna.com

Kangaroo Poo men’s T-shirt Don’t worry, it passed TNT’s sniff test.

Australia flag cricket board shorts Smooth, comfy and lairy. We love it!

mandmdirect.com

inspiredinsanity.com.au

£6.

65

99

MARKETWATCH

. £49

£4.

99

FLY53 POP-UP

This Soho pop-up shop for streetwise label Fly53 only has a few weeks left, so catch it while you can. Emphasis has been put on exposing its music and design focus, with an interior adorned with skulls, and a selection of killer T-shirts to boot.

The indie brand makes men’s and women’s clothing and accessories with a rebellious streak, inspired by decades of B-grade movies, iconographical images and rock ‘n’ roll.

Visit the pop-up shop for military-inspired pieces, knitwear, graphic tees and one-off pieces.

Fly53 also makes particularly good wallets and watches.

The brand is expanding at a rate of knots, so you’d best get your hands on its wares before the whole world knows about them. The skint among us will be glad to know this retailer also has a reputation for affordability.

That’s what we like.

OPEN Mon-Sat, 10am-6pm; Sun, noon-5pm, until Jan 31 fly53.com 22 Peter Street, W1F OAG Piccadilly Circus

Gold sequin dress Make it a razzle dazzle Aus Day.

Green & gold .10

dorothyperkins.com

£17

.00 £38

Australia cap Love the perched kangaroo. zazzle.co.uk

Supra Skytop II Do green and gold right to your toes.

£12

.95

supra-shoesuk.com

Green chinos Wrap your legs in these – a stylish, subtle way to be patriotic. bonprix.co.uk

.00 £45

Pixel Australia T-shirt Yellow fans, colour your world in this eye-catching number. cafepress.co.uk

£23

.00

£15

.00

Headphones For blasting Midnight Oil, Cold Chisel, et al. coloud.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

STARS ON THE RUN Got a marathon on your mind this year? If so, this unique programme is bound to make a winner out of you. Stars on the Run is essentially a group running club, with emphasis on individual performance, suitable for anyone from casual runners to halfmarathon runners who want to go that extra mile ... or 13. Sign up and you can trust you’re in good hands.

Richard Coates, a personal trainer and Stars gym’s general manager, puts runners through their paces alongside former Commonwealth marathon runner Keith Anderson, who is now the owner and head coach of running club Full Potential.

Lasting until the London Marathon on April 22, this programme features twice-weekly runs – including interval training – with Coates, taking in a path along the Thames, or around Battersea Park. Each participant also gets a personalised training programme devised by Anderson, who is always on hand to discuss personal progress. With so much support, there’s less of a chance you’ll slack off. Each fortnight of training costs £50 for non-members. Good luck!

Stars Gym, Albion Riverside Building, unit 5, 8 Hester Road, SW11 4AX starsgym.co.uk Imperial Wharf

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Sweat it out You don’t even need to leave the house to get fit. Start as you mean to go on this year with our top picks of workout DVDs and Apps WORDS REBECCA KENT

Do you want to start the new year undoing the excesses of the festive season, but can’t face the gym? There are enough DVDs and fitness products to ensure you don’t have to.

These should help you get off your lazy butt.

Kim Kardashian, Fit In Your Jeans By Friday WHAT: The reality TV star sports a onesie and weird knee-high trainers through a 55-minute ‘Butt Blasting Cardio Step’ routine (you’ll need your own step – try a rolled-up rug). The choreography requires a degree of co-ordination. Without it, your heart rate still increases, but only through clumping frustratingly over the step.

VERDICT: If you can deal with the refrain “rock up, rock over” coursing through your mind for days, it’ll get you sweating.

We also had a giggle when Kardashian urged, “don’t fuck up”. amazon.co.uk £12.99

The Only Way is Essex, The Essexercise Workout WHAT: TOWIE beauties Lydia Bright and Sam and Bille Faiers are put through their paces by hunky Glen Ball in the girls’ first

foray into workout DVD land. It’s in sections: ‘Totally Retro Reem’ – dancing to club classic tracks; ‘Burn those carbs before Marbs’ – cardio combat moves put into dance-based fitness routines; and ‘Well Jel Workout’ – a faster-paced cardio with tone-up techniques.

Variety is the spice of this baby. TOWIE fans will enjoy the added featurettes.

VERDICT: It feels like a fun, high-energy night out, with the girls constantly giggling behind Balls’ back. Be warned: they complain about their wedgies a lot. thehut.com. £11.95

Jennifer Ellison, Fat Blaster Workout WHAT: “This workout will blast off that fat”, the former soap actress Ellison promises.

Having ballooned from a size eight to 18 during pregnancy, then reducing her hippo frame back to a svelte eight stone, this is the kind of woman you’d take a pep-talk from.

Jen takes you through relentless interval training, with three different difficulty levels.

VERDICT: A 20-minute Ellison routine burns the same calories as an hour of jogging. It’s a no-brainer. hmv.com £10.99

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AUSSIE GOODIES

Bush Balm Aussie goodness for bumpy post-waxed skin £11.99 outbackorganics.co.uk

Get into the zone at home Ultimate Zumba DVD collection WHAT: Can’t get to Zumba classes regularly?

Then this seven-disc DVD collection is your fitness DIY. It goes through all the moves of the Latin-inspired dance workout, breaking them down into stages, then introducing rhythm. It comes with toning sticks that double as maracas, too.

VERDICT: Great for toning, and you’ll feel like you’re in your own music video. zumbafitness.co.uk. £59.99

App: 101 Yoga Poses WHAT: The poses featured are from beginner to expert skill level, with soothing music that plays while you practice. There are also tips to help you perfect your pose.

VERDICT: This will totally help you find your inner zen. itunes.apple.com. 69p

Antipodes Nirvana body wash Intoxicatingly delicious £14.99 feelunique.com

App: British Military Fitness: My Fitness Instructor WHAT: It’s like having a personal trainer in your pocket, barking instructions, just like the real outdoor BMF classes run by ex-servicemen. You can create your own programme – focusing on specific body areas – and intensity level.

VERDICT: Packed with features, it’s a genuine alternative to the gym, NEXT WEEK so worth the price.

Celebrating Aussie itunes.apple.com £2.99 products in London

Australian flag mirror I spy a little Aussie champion £2.09 ecrater.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: CATWALK MASTERCLASS Do you flick through magazines at your hairdresser, enviously eyeing up the elaborate up dos and luxurious down dos, wondering how you would recreate the look yourself? If that’s a yes, sign up for the Catwalk Masterclass at Charles Worthington, central London. You just need to take pictures of the styles you like and one of the team there will teach you how to replicate the look on your own. £47

Learn hair art

Percy Street, W1T 1DH

charlesworthington.com

Goodge Street

Aussie flag tattoos (9) Show your true colours £1.13 sanza.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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A leap of faith: Cook is swinging his way through London

Aussies abroad They might be miles from home but they’re going large in London WORDS REBECCA KENT

One hundred thousand Aussies with lofty career ambitions are in London, tapping into everything it has to offer.

TNT plucks four workers from the capital’s Australian diaspora to find out how they’re getting along.

Benjamin Cook, Dance teacher For several years, Cook has been cashing in on the cacky-footed. A swing dancer, who performed with Swing Patrol in Melbourne, he grabbed the chance to teach in London when the group went international in 2009.

It was an opportunity for Cook, who lives in Forest Hill, south London, to take the old Harlem pastime to the masses. And in Londoners, Cook, had a ready-made audience.

“In Melbourne, people came to 40

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dance, then they’d put on some Forties clothing for authenticity, but in London, the vintage culture was already here, and when people found out they could do some dancing to match their interest, our swing classes just exploded,” he says.

Now teaching the finer merits of Lindy Hop, Charleston, Shag, Balboa & Blues, plus performing, all over Europe, presumably London was a wise move. “It was still a leap of faith for me. I wanted to chase the dream, and now I’m living it.”

Amy Fallon, Journalist When Fallon upped sticks with a oneway ticket to the Old Dart to write the news, she envisaged a full-time job tracing scandalous goings-on. The

reality was different. “Staff jobs in journalism in London are like diamonds – very hard to find – and if you see one advertised, the competition’s stiff,” says Fallon, 31.

So, the hack from Murwillumbah, NSW, went freelance, writing for national papers and glossy magazines.

“It’s a buzz seeing the papers being put together, and your name in print,” Fallon, from West Hampstead, northwest London, says.

“In the beginning, I did some crazy stuff. The most memorable was covering a Pete Doherty court case. What a circus – two reporters, 100 snappers and his groupies. He seemed to pull a sausage roll out of his pocket as soon he stepped outside the courtroom!” Fallon warns you must be

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Clockwise: Kathryn Haling, Amy Fallon and Drew Smith

ON THE JOB SALLIE BRUCE CAREER Field marketing AGE 27 LIVES Notting Hill FROM Sydney How did you get into your line of work?

I had a starnow.com.au profile from completing a TV presenting course back in Aus, switched it to the UK website, applied for the job and was sent the job details.

[Caption] tenacious to cut it as a newshound in London.

“You’ve really got to be a self-starter with a great eye for a story and fabulous contacts.

Of course, you need those skills back home, but here you’re a dime a dozen.”

Photos: Simone Edwards

Drew Smith, Ethnographer

EVERY OFFICE NEEDS SOME AUSSIE SUNSHINE There are some 100,000 Australian workers in London, who have, anecdotally, always been very well received by British employers into their workplaces. Many express a fondness for the Australasian work ethic and easily transferable skills and qualifications. Of course, there’s the age-old sporting rivalry, too, which is always good for a spot of banter. TNT editor, Carol Driver, who is British, says: “The office would be a duller place without our antipodean friends – but we’d probably get more done. Especially when the cricket’s on.”

For an Aussie who likes to travel, Smith, from Sydney, hasn’t done too badly for himself. With his company, Sense Worldwide, he travels to some of Europe’s most cosmopolitan cities to immerse himself in the lives of foreigners, returning with thorough analyses on which global companies can develop their products.

“Converse wanted us to find out what young people were doing in European cities, so I spent a weekend hanging out in Madrid, clubbing and finding out what they like to wear.

The job has completely reshaped my perspective on the world,“ says Smith, 29, who lives in Stroud Green, north London. When he’s not globetrotting, Smith, a qualified automotive designer,

blogs, and he believes it was his propensity to be “opinionated” that got him the job. He used to be a research candidate, too, which gave him a shoe-in. “I was persistent. Put into an adverse situation, I will thrash about until something sticks.”

Kathryn Haling, Singer/songwriter

When Haling moved to London last year her brand of mellow country/folk, evolved into a more commercial sound. “After playing open mics here, my songs got louder and more band-oriented – think Stereophonics and Adele – and that’s from living in this amazing city. It’s a kick in the goal for sure,” says Haling, 33, who lives in Brixton, south-east London. She is set to release a cracking EP and doubts she would have achieved the same success in Australia.

“There’s a sense for musos in London that music is the only option.

NEXT WEEK The connections Tackling weird I’m making are interview questions amazing.”

What do you do day-to-day?

Sometimes, I can be setting up displays in retail stores of new products and speaking to customers about the technical aspects of that product, other times I can be gauging public opinion about pop-up art placed by a client. Everything is reported back by photos and detailed reports to the clients.

What’s the best part of your job?

I get to work on loads of different projects, engage with the public and see new places in England.

And the most challenging?

Tight deadlines and needing to know how to do so many different things.

I can now drill superbly.

HOW TO ... BE

AN AUSSIE AT WORK

Why fight the stereotype?

Embrace it.

• Yabber to colleagues all day

long about the utopia you left behind for this sodden land of slate skies and people who say ‘sorry’ far too frequently.

• Invite them around to your

houseshare of 16 for a BBQ, on the condition they bring a slab and a bowl of salad.

• When something goes tits up

in the office, blurt out a strained “strewth, mate, we’re up shit creek now.”

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41

tntjobs.co.uk PPA EDUCATION LTD T: 020 7421 4999 www.ppaeducation.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Primary School Teacher Location: East London Salary: Upwards of £35k

PPA Education provides teaching and support staff to schools to schools across all ages In London and the surrounding areas.

PPA Education is looking for a confident and passionate qualified teacher to work in an outstanding school that is focussed on teaching and learning. Applicants must possess a teaching qualification.

James Murphy | 020 7421 4999 | james@ppaeducation.com

GALLOWGLASS T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

BROOK STREET T: 020 8534 9335 www.brookstreet.co.uk Brook Street is one of the UK’s most successful recruitment agencies, supplying businesses across all industries with high quality personnel and staffing solutions.

SIMPLY OUTBOUND LTD T: 020 3432 7555 www.simplyoutbound.com We offer the complete solution for creating and implementing both Business to Consumer (B2C) and Business to Business (B2B) outbound calling campaigns

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew.

You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude.

CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: 100 confident callers NEEDED!!

Location: East London Salary: £8.27 - £11.19 per hour Are you confident and able to talk to anyone? We have temporary telephone fundraising positions available in the Olympic zone of East London. Applicants must be tenacious, ambitious and articulate with an expressive and persuasive manner.

Flexible Working Hours and Full induction/training given.

Ciara and Katie on ciara.lloyd@brookstreet.co.uk or Katie.bentley@brookstreet.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Business Development Manager Location: London Salary: 20 - 40k basic, 40-80k OTE + car allowance Wanted to support our fast growth in 2012. We need candidates with a “hit the ground running” attitude, comfortable dealing with both agencies and direct clients.

Therefore, prior experience in sales and enjoyment in closing contracts is a must, happy to pick up the phone, meet clients and then sell our portfolio. The role will be reporting straight to the directors with targets and KPI’s to achieve each month.

If this is for you get in touch quick! CV to chris.mackintosh@simplyoutbound.com

KEMPSFORD HOUSE HOTEL T: 07889 181554 www.kempsfordhousehotel.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Assistant Location: Harrow Salary: On request. To include live-in.

The Kempsford House Hotel is a family owned, superior B&B with many of the comforts of a more expensive establishment, with an ideal location 3 mins. from Harrow Town Centre / Tube & Bus Station.

Family hotel in Harrow, north west London, require a new team member, for Reception, House-Keeping and Breakfast service duties. Straight shifts. Live in. Own room. Some IT skills required, along with good English. Training will be given to the right candidate.

BERRY MARQUEES LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Foremen or Riggers Location: London Salary: £ 7 - £ 10 ph + Bonuses

T: 01784 471 410 www.berrymarquees.com

Philip Geary | 07889 181554 | philip.geary@btclick.com

Berry Marquees Ltd lives by its motto ‘Excellence Above All Else’, providing the highest quality marquees to the events industry.

Have you got the experience with marquees needed to join our team? Check out our website and see the service we deliver. We have several full time positions available, and transport from Putney every morning.

HARROW FENCING SUPPLIES LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Timber Yard Assistant Location: Hillingdon / Sudbury Hill Salary: £375 per week

T: 020 8422 6363 www.harrowfencing.com Harrow Fencing is one of London’s Largest Fencing stockists. A family run business supplying the Trade and DIY sectors.

jim@berrymarquees.com | 01784 471 410

The successful candidate will be dealing directly with customers, serving and loading materials. Therefore, must have good numeracy and customer service skills. Previous timber experience not essential as full training will be given.

Head Office - 020 84226363 | info@harrowfencing.com

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CASH SAVING TIPS MAP YOUR DEALS Xxxxxxxxx It’s annoying when you go out for dinner, then XXXXXXXXX discover a restaurant Xxxxxxxxxxx down the road is offering pretty much the same XXXXXXXXX meal for half the price.

Xxxxxxxxxxx Well, not any more. Deals on the Dealmap app are XXXXXXXXX updated daily, with offers Xxxxxxxxxxx from more than 400,000 shops, restaurants and XXXXXXXXX attractions and a service Xxxxxxxxxxx that tells you what’s available in the area you’re in. thedealmap.com KEEP FIT FOR LESS If paying extortionate monthly rates for a gym contract is putting you off your January exercise kick, payasUgym is worth a punt. Buy credit and you can visit gyms all over the city (and country) and only pay for the sessions you use. With one-day passes in London costing from £3.20, there’s no excuse. payasugym.com

HOW YOU SPEND IT! night out, flying with budget airlines while travelling around Europe and, where accepted, using Tastecard discounts.

Last big blow-out?

Oktoberfest. It hurt the back pocket bad, but great German food and plenty of steins made it worth it.

SCOTT DE BLASIO, 25 JOB, Customer service for a restaurant group FROM Melbourne LIVES Acton How do you budget?

Limiting dining out in favour

Any money-saving tips?

Catching the night bus instead of a cab after a

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Gigs, alcohol, Aussie confectionary, bets at the Ascot races and several holidays in one year – Portugal, France, Germany and Belgium, all at different times.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Seaside blowout Celebs aren’t just chasing the winter sun, they’re packing pricey beachwear too – Tamara Ecclestone hit the sand wearing £50,000 earrings, a Rolex and a £25,000 bracelet.

❚ Fashion designer Marc Jacobs was spotted at the beach carrying not one of his own creations, but a huge Hermes Birkin bag, which cost £6,500.

MONTH OF THE TIGER Every evening in January, TigerTiger is offering 50 per cent off all food and drink from 5-10pm.

Just print the voucher on tigertiger.co.uk and you’re ready to go.

BARCELONA /68 JORDAN /74

of a home-cooked meal, pre-drinks before nights out or going earlier to bars for two-for-one cocktails.

No, we’re not jealous at all

❚ Coleen Rooney wore a grand total of £1,500 worth of swimwear on a week-long holiday in Barbados with hubby Wayne – and spent £800 on a Missoni kaftan and matching bikini alone.

❚ American model and actress Molly Sims recently sported the most expensive bikini (worth £19 million) made with 150 carats of diamonds and platinum.

Let’s hope she doesn’t lose it in the pool. ❚ Kate Beckinsale was spotted wearing some £350 Louboutin wedges on the beach – surely they just made her sink into the sand.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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WORLDVIEW

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“This one needs more seasoning”

MALIK THE LION MEETS HIS MATCH NEW ZEALAND Footage of a three-year-old girl staring down an angry lion at Wellington Zoo has become a YouTube hit.

Sofia Walker is shown with her hands pressed against the glass of the big cat enclosure, a seven-year-old lion called Malik just inches away on the other side of the pane.

“I think he’s telling you to move away, Sofia,” a woman can be heard saying offcamera. Sofia is unimpressed, though, and Malik finally loses his temper, rearing up and swiping wildly at the glass.

“He’s massive and you sometimes forget how big he is until you see a picture of him right up next to a small child,” Paul Hatton, the zoo’s team leader, said.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @ConanOBrien Thank God Beyonce had her baby and can go back to work. For the past 6 months that family’s had to live entirely on Jay-Z’s salary. @charltonbrooker (Charlie Brooker) I reckon the next craze will be NHS hospital gowns with the exposed arse. @FrankieBoyle 1+1=3 when you don’t use a condom.

PRISONER GOES ON THE RUN IN HIS BRIEFS JAPAN A prisoner serving 23 years for attempted murder escaped from jail clad only in his Y-fronts, Japan’s first jailbreak in more than 20 years.

Li Guolin was exercising in a prison yard when he stripped off his convict’s uniform and used scaffolding erected by builders to 44

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You really have to want it: no – it’s not a Queer Eye Asian Army Christmas Special, but rather South Korean special warfare soldiers undergoing winter training in -20 degrees.

Gruelling instruction in making snow angels was followed by a no-holds-barred snowman-making contest, all topped off with a mug of hot chocolate and marshmallows

climb over a 16-ft perimeter fence.

A report quoted a security guard: “Li fell on his rear and turned over. Then he ran off at a steady trot.”

Prison breakouts are extremely rare in Japan, where the justice system prides itself on its efficiency, reports saying Li’s escape is the country’s first since 1990, when a youth fled a juvenile detention centre.

LOO TRAINING FOR STUDENTS AUSTRALIA An Australian university has taken the extraordinary step of installing cards illustrating proper use of its toilets, after claiming that

some migrant students were struggling to figure it out.

The signs were installed 15 months ago after complaints from a company contracted to clean campus loos.

“We received a complaint from our cleaning contractors about the state of some toilets,” a Macquarie University spokesman said.

“They believed that some students may have been squatting above the toilet rather than using them in a conventional western fashion.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 99

Pounds likely to be fetched on eBay by an old box of Shreddies, dated to the early Seventies, found in a village shop

Neary’s version of Khe Sanh bombed

DIPLOMAT FINDS FAME ON REALITY TV SHOW AUSTRALIA An Australian diplomat who serves as third secretary in Jakarta has become a celebrity after reaching the finals of a reality television singing show.

Adelle Neary – the so-called “singing diplomat” – has become a hit on the show Asing Star after earning high praise for her rendition of the classic Indonesian romantic ballad, Bengawan Solo.

“The number of viewers ... is quite possibly bigger than the population of my country,” the 29-year-old told the Jakarta Globe newspaper. Neary said she was not prepared for the amount of attention she has received. The programme, which features expatriates singing in Indonesian, is watched by about 9 million people.

THE UNIVERSE AGES LIKE FINE WINE

Photos: Getty

UNITED KINGDOM A British man, who moved from Norwich to Chile to pursue wine-making, claims he has made a vino with a 4.5bn-year vintage, as it is aged with a meteorite formed during the solar system’s birth.

Ian Hutcheon insists the rock, which is about 8cm (3in) wide, gives his Meteorito tipple a “livelier taste”.

“It came from the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter,” the 40-year-old said.

“You are drinking elements from the birth of the solar system.”

The meteorite crashed into the Atacama Desert in northern Chile about 6000 years ago. Hutcheon said his wine’s ageing process means he can “give everybody the chance to touch something from space.”

Age, in years, of an Italian man divorcing his wife over an affair she had 77 years ago. Plenty more fish in the sea, mate

7.7

Length, in mm, of the world’s smallest frog, found by scientists in the rainforests of Papua New Guinea

Length, in metres, of a saltwater crocodile that casually wandered into a Darwin family’s living room. Only in Australia

An Yanshi is really selling his tea

SERIOUSLY, THIS TEA TASTES LIKE SHIT

1.7

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

CHINA A Chinese entrepreneur has discovered the crucial ingredient to producing the world’s most expensive tea – it is, regrettably, panda droppings.

An Yanshi has purchased 11 tonnes of excrement from a panda breeding centre to fertilise a tea crop in the mountains of Sichuan province in southwestern China and says his first batch of tea leaves this spring will be the “world’s most expensive tea” at almost 220,000 yuan (£23,000) for 500gms.

The logo of his company, Panda Tea, features a smiling panda wearing a bow tie and holding a steaming glass of green tea.

“Panda dung is rich in nutrition ... and should be much better than chemical fertilisers,” An said. “People should make a harmonious relationship with heaven, Earth and the environment.”

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They are helped in this process by a presenter with the heart, soul and voice of a Dalek.

It’s a bear pit, it’s disgusting and I hate it Comedian Robert Webb reckons people who appear on The Jeremy Kyle Show are exploited

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Lee Steele: “#padlock my arse”

Age of the Twitter #fails

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY

Photos: Getty

Celebs are queueing up to sabotage their careers in 140 characters A ‘tweet’ sounds like such a cute little thing, doesn’t it? It calls to mind the innocent chirp of an iddy-biddy chick, and all the drippy imagery that comes with it – fluffiness, cuddles, a post-lobotomy grin. Who could have guessed that the tweet would turn out to be celebrity cyanide?

You wouldn’t need to resort to guessing if you’d been paying attention. Celebs and public figures, I’m talking to you. But you’re all so spectacularly self-involved – or dangerously brain-cell deficient – that, even when faced with all the evidence of its illadvisedness, you continue to blurt your bigoted and imbecilic impulses for an increasingly incredulous public to judge.

Last week, Oxford City footballer Lee Steele ended his career in 140 characters when he tweeted of openly gay former Welsh rugby captain Gareth Thomas: “wouldn’t fancy the bed next to Gareth Thomas #padlock my arse”. Steele was swiftly sacked; his sentiments were “seriously contrary to the ethos of the club”. Only the week before, shadow minister for public health Diane Abbott was deluged with demands that she quit, after tweeting that “white people love playing divide and rule”. And how about Alec Baldwin exposing his laughably prima donna behaviour on an American Airlines flight? They’d have done well to follow Ashton Kutcher’s example: the ex-Mr Moore sheepishly handed his Twitter account to a PR team in November, having drawn widespread derision for tweeting a controversial opinion about a sex abuse case.

In an age where the myth of celebrity collects ever-more currency, it’s brilliant that these idiots take the painstaking work of publicity gurus – who work round the clock to keep the true personality behind the name from the public – and fuck it up irreversibly within a single badly spelt sentence. Twitter taps us a direct line to their un-PR-approved thoughts: any public figure with an iota of sense would run a mile. But, clearly convinced of the gravity of what they’ve got to say, these lambs continue to queue for the slaughter.

Ah, Twitter: destroyer of reputations, unmasker of cretins. Keep up the good work. » What’s your favourite celebrity Twitter fail? letters@tntmagazine.com

Many a knicker has been thrust into a twist over a BBC sex education video for nine-year-olds that a Tory MP described as akin to “porn”. Offending scenes include a cartoon couple rutting and footage of a naked man and woman that demonstrates the differences between the sexes. The horror!

It’s ridiculous the fuss these prudes make over kids being exposed to sex, as though it’s something dirty and corrupting that should be hidden. That a movie showing two people pretend-shagging should carry an 18-certificate, while watching folks get hacked up and shot

“

Society should stop hiding that we fuck

”

to shit is fine if you’re 15, even 12, is equally baffling.

Eventually, everyone has sex, unless they’re a nun or hideously ugly. Even the uglies tend to find a fellow minger to do it with. Society should get over its sexual hang-ups and stop trying to hide that we all fuck. It’s fine; we’re supposed to.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Have a good one Australia Day can be a danger period for excessive drinking WORDS TOM STURROCK

As Australia Day approaches, plenty of London-based antipodeans will be looking forward to few beers or glasses of wine to toast their national day. Even after a boozy festive season, followed by the excesses of New Year’s Eve, there’s always room for a few more. Revellers, though, would do well to heed the recent warnings of the Commons’ Science and Technology Committee, which has urged Britons to abstain from drinking at least two days each week, singling out the heightened risk of heart and liver disease for those who indulge daily.

“While we urge the UK health departments to re-evaluate the guidelines more thoroughly, the evidence we received suggests the guidelines should not be increased and that people should be advised to take at least two drink-free days a week,” committee chairman Andrew Miller said last week.

“In addition to quantity, safe alcohol limits must also take into account frequency.”

It is a view shared by Drinkaware, an alcohol education charity that helps people monitor their drinking and encourages people to cut back. According to Drinkaware spokesman Rebecca Clough, Australians, particularly those newly arrived in London, can find themselves over-indulging.

“It can be easy to lose track of how much you’re drinking, especially if you’re in a new country with a new set of friends – it can be an exciting time for people,” Clough says, suggesting people should be more aware of the results of their drinking, both in terms of their health and how alcohol affects their behaviour.

“Most people are probably aware of the short-term effects of drinking too much, whether it’s being a bit dizzy or bumping into things or feeling a bit ill the next day. But they might also be more likely to indulge in risky behaviour and make risky decisions. Less commonly known is the fact it can lead to liver disease and is also the second-largest cause of cancer after smoking tobacco.”

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The recent recommendation that people should have at least two nights per week without alcohol makes intuitive sense, but it does little to neutralise binge drinking. Drinkers who go without alcohol during the week but then write themselves off at the weekend are unlikely to reap the benefits of moderation.

“We find that people between the ages of 18-25 – their drinking is geared mostly around Fridays and Saturdays nights, while it’s people who are 35 and older who drink more regularly, possibly every night,” Clough says, insisting that as much as binge drinking is unhealthy, it can also create dangerous situations. “It can put you at risk of injury but it

“

Binge drinking can increase risk of injury

”

can also have an effect on your mood, leading you to say or do things you mightn’t if you were sober. It can put you in situations where you’re more likely to have an argument or even worse, get into a fight.”

On special occasions, such as Australia Day, it is almost obligatory for alcohol to be consumed. Clough, though, insists a couple of drinks doesn’t have to turn into a messy night with subsequent recriminations.

“On these occasions when people are celebrating, it can be exciting and alcohol can certainly play a part in that. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a few drinks but just be aware of what you’re drinking and how much you’ve had,” she says, insisting there are steps people can take to ensure the evening doesn’t get out of hand.

“If people are planning a big night for Australia Day, it’s

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock;

Clockwise: big rounds can be dangerous; look after your friends; try not to get shit-faced on Australia Day important to pace themselves. Eat before you go out and also have something to eat to break up your drinking. And if you spot one of your friends looking a little the worse for wear, look after them. No one wants to be the embarrassing mate who gets sent home in a taxi.”

Alice Dodge, a 26-year-old Sydneysider now living in Shoreditch and working in PR, tries to drink in moderation but admits that, in the past, Australia Day has coincided with some heavy nights.

“I tend to drink about two to three times every week and try to avoid drinking alcohol mid-week so I can be on my game at work and also so I can keep up a healthy lifestyle over here,” she says.

“But Australia Day is traditionally a day when us Aussies go out and enjoy a day and night of drinking. It’s definitely more like that over here in London, where there’s a sense of everyone in it together, going out to party. It’s almost like, ‘this is our day, let’s go out and make the most of it’.

“Over the years, this has occasionally led to a few big nights out, and, as Australia Day is not a public holiday over here, we have to rock up to work the next day feeling rather worse for wear.”

This year, Dodge intends to rein in the boozing, planning dinner and a more low-key approach, instead of the no-holdsbarred drinking often associated with Australians in London.

“This year, me and my friends plan to take it steadier,” she says. “It’s embarrassing seeing how wasted some people support the stereotype that all Australians are drunk and rowdy. I want to enjoy Australia Day, and have a laugh with my friends. That doesn’t mean necking a load of shots. I’ll stick to the gin and tonics, and be more bothered about catching up with my Australian friends than racing through the drinks.”

For tips on how to moderate your drinking, check out the When Good Times Go Bad campaign at drinkaware.co.uk

BIG UNITS HOW MUCH BOOZE IS IN IT? One of the trickiest aspects of monitoring alcohol intake is, according to DrinkAware chief executive Chris Sorek, figuring out how many units are in each to begin with.

Sorek has called on manufacturers to more clearly convey alcohol content but he also encourages drinkers to use Drinkaware’s specially designed online kit to track their boozing.

“Our online drinks calculator, MyDrinkaware.co.uk, has seen a 387 per cent increase in sign ups in 2011 compared to 2010 and 1.2 million visits have been made to the unit calculator page in the last 12 months,” he says.

“Our research has found that active users of MyDrinkaware claim to have reduced their alcohol consumption from 5 to 3.9 units per day (two to three less drinks per week) and feel much more in control of their drinking.”

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

49

SPORTNEWS

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Returning fire: David Warner

WARNER FIRES OPENING SALVO CRICKET After last week smashing the fastest ever Test century by an opening batsman, Australia’s David Warner added salt to India’s wounds with a verbal uppercut.

After Australia bowled India out for 161 on the first day, Warner belted a century off 69 balls. It was the perfect rejoinder to Indian players who had tried to sledge Warner and opening partner Ed Cowan.

“No one said anything in the last two games,” Warner said. “A lot of teams know with myself and Ed, if you start having a go at us, we actually enjoy that and we love a little contest out there and we love to grind it back in their faces and that’s what we’ve done today.”

RANGERS LINKED TO SOCCEROO CAHILL

Mud, mud, glorious mud: All Blacks lock Ali Williams leads the line at the Auckland Blues’ pre-season training at the Devonport naval base. The so-called mud run is part of navy divers’ training, requiring participants to wade for a kilometre in sludge that is, in some parts, chest-high. Should prepare them for playing the Highlanders in Invercargill

FOOTBALL Socceroos midfielder-turned-striker Tim Cahill has been struggling while playing for Everton in the Premier League, prompting suggestions he may be on the move to London to join Queen’s Park Rangers.

According to The Times, incoming manager Mark Hughes may have targeted Cahill as a potential recruit during the January transfer window. Cahill, 32, joined Everton in 2004 but has battled repeated leg and ankle complaints during the past 12 months and hasn’t scored for the club since December 2010.

Hughes, who has peviously managed Manchester City and Fulham, last week made a move for Tottenham’s South African midfielder Steven Pienaar but had a bid for the speedy, but injury-prone, 29-year-old turned down.

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FEARS HEIGHTEN OVER BIG WEEK FOR ...

COUSINS’ HEALTH AUSTRALIAN RULES Former AFL player Ben Cousins’ battle against drug addiction appears to have taken a turn for the worse, the one-time West Coast Eagles captain in hospital after injuring himself in a fall at a rehabilitation clinic.

Cousins, 33, retired at the end of 2010, having joined Richmond for two seasons after being sacked by the Eagles for repeated off-field indiscretions linked to his methamphetamine addiction. The birth of his first child in September raised hopes that Cousins would finally be able to straighten himself out, but reports emerging from Perth indicate he has suffered a severe relapse in recent months.

There are few certainties during January’s football transfer window but Carlos Tevez seems assured to be on the move. The former Manchester City captain fell out spectacularly with manager Roberto Mancini last year and has since been linked to Italian club AC Milan, City reportedly rejecting a £20m bid.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Everyone is fantastic in the morning but what happens after the tea session, after a couple of barrels of beers, it gets a bit difficult Indian captain MS Dhoni claims Australian spectators become abusive after they’ve had too much to drink

One to watch: Bernard Tomic

PREVIEW A new year of tennis is served up AUSTRALIAN OPEN EVERY DAY, MIDNIGHT, BRITISH EUROSPORT

You’ve to be super-committed or unemployed to watch the first Grand Slam of the year, although you could still get up early and catch the night sessions, in which many of the best matches are played in the tournament’s first week.

The Australian Open is a fascinating tournament because there’s no form to speak of, making it the most unpredictable of the majors.

Still, conventional wisdom suggests

that, in the men’s draw, it’s all about the top four – Djokovic, Nadal, Federer and Murray – and only time will tell which of these guys jumps out sharpest. For the locals, 19-year-old Bernard Tomic is the player to watch. He’s the world’s highestranked teenager after making a quarterfinal appearance at Wimbledon last year and is capable of upsetting a more fancied opponent in Melbourne.

In women’s tennis, the persistent question is whether Serena Williams is fit and focused and, if she is, whether there is any other player in the women’s ranks capable of knocking her over.

THE CHAT | Lendl in Murray’s corner

To legitimise what God calls abominable sexual practices that include sodomy… violates their very own God-given nature of what is right and what is wrong Australian tennis great Margaret Court airs her views on gay marriage. Bigotry dressed up as faith is still bigotry. Shame

How can they pay £50m or £60m for Balotelli?

This is the value of Balotelli, he’s No 1 Mino Raiola, the agent for Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli, on his player’s value. Some people are just dickheads

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET his desperate bid to win a Grand Slam, Andy Q In Murray has recruited former world No 1 Ivan Lendl as coach. Will it do the trick? certainly knows what it feels like to be a nearly A Lendl man – he lost in the finals of four majors before finally breaking through to win the 1984 French Open. So in terms of the psychology required to take the next step, Lendl is absolutely equipped to offer advice. However, Lendl took the next step by being the fittest man on tour and by developing the steeliest of temperaments. His game, although initially based on counter-punching, developed to the point where he had more weapons than Murray. So, if Murray is to emulate Lendl, it will require a significant transformation.

Pakistan v England First Test from Dubai Monday onwards 6am, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Manchester City v Tottenham Cans Spurs claw back some points?

Sunday 1pm, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Arsenal v Manchester United Murray’s man: Ivan Lendl

Henry faces the Red Devils once more Sunday 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

The physical strain on bowlers such as Australia’s James Pattison is immense

Australia’s rotation policy is right move for team

Decision forces other sides to earn respect, rather than be given it

» Is Australia treating lesser-ranked opposition with disrespect? letters@tntmagazine.com 52

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Sure it was fun to see Thierry Henry back at Arsenal, scoring the winner in the FA Cup tie against Leeds. The sense of theatre, the fairytale finish, was a nice way to end the evening.

However, until Thierry came on for his cameo, Arsenal didn’t look like winning, and for the bulk of this season have relied on Robin van Persie to get them through.

Some money on world-class, champion players must be spent soon by manager Arsène Wenger if his team is to win trophies.

The youngsters Wenger placed so much investment in – the likes of Nasri and Fabregases – have left, frustrated at not

“

Arsenal fans are demanding more

”

being part of a champion group, and fans demand more – especially as ticket prices at the Emirates soon rise by 6.5 per cent.

Investment in youth and the return of a club legend create warm, fuzzy feelings, but as every Arsenal fan will tell you, solid, hard silver is the only thing that will truly warm the hearts of the Gunners faithful.

Photos: Getty

Australia’s introduction of a formal selection policy allowing top players to be rested from Tests against sides considered inferior opposition created an uncomfortable shuffling in armchairs across the Tasman. New Zealand fans cringed at the reminder their team is ranked eighth in the world and, as such, is no longer guaranteed to face the crème de la crème of their neighbour’s cricketers.

But, in coping with an increasingly demanding schedule, Australia has made the right decision. Player welfare is far more important than what an opponent may consider ‘disrespect’ or ‘arrogance’. Bowlers, especially, have savage demands made of their bodies; the very action of hurling the ball, accompanied by a thudding landing, is an unnatural one for the human form to continually be put through and often results in injury.

Australia, after losing to NZ and scoring only 47 against South Africa, now seeks to reassert their dominance in the closest thing the country has to a national sport. To do that, their players must be fit and firing against the form teams – England, South Africa and India.

For a team in rebuilding mode, and still some way from the crushing results demanded by their fanatical countrymen, this policy creates the chance for new stars to push for a permanent spot. While Australia’s well of talent will never be dry, it’s not as plentiful as it was in the Nineties and early Noughties and the selectors will pray this latest raindance helps deliver a refill.

For the opposition, motivation is created. To face the best of the best, a team must now earn the right to compete. It makes other results count even more – consistently produce a threatening excellence and you will get your day in the sun. And, even if a few fringe Australian players do stroll out into the middle on a summer’s day in New Zealand or Bangladesh, it won’t make much of a difference. Australia needs the win as much as anyone. They’re still far behind the English and, to them, that’s the biggest injury of all.

THIERRY HENRY NOT HERE FOREVER

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53

Written in the stars A Cambridge cosmologist examines the details of sporting success with some surprising results WORDS TOM STURROCK

There are a few certainties accompanying the approaching Olympics. There will an expensive opening ceremony featuring some kind of abstract claptrap that no one understands. There will be an athlete with a funny name or a silly haircut who becomes a cult figure. A fancied competitor will come up short and cry. Any female winner will be instantly christened ‘the nation’s golden girl’. Just as certain will be the crowing from pundits about Great Britain’s medal tally – particularly if they repeat the feat of Beijing and outstrip Australia. And, according to John D Barrow, a cosmologist and Cambridge professor of mathematical sciences who has turned his learned eye to an analysis of sporting success, if the Brits are serious, they should follow the Chinese lead of targeting the ‘easy sports’.

“Ahead of the Beijing Olympics, there was very targeted development in particular sports and there were clearly considerations about the best and most effective ways to maximise the country’s medal hauls,” Barrow explains.

“Where’s the best pay-off? If you’re going to go out there and try to develop a champion in the 100m sprint, then it’s going to be hard – that wouldn’t be a wise choice because so much of it is down to natural ability and you can’t buy that.

But, alternatively, if you were to go after rowing or women’s weightlifting, sports with huge premiums on organisation and consistent, heavy training, then that’s more likely to yield more medals.”

Indeed, Great Britain’s recent successes in cycling suggest they have already cottoned on to this equation.

“You look at cycling, one of the sports in which Great Britain have had great success,” he says. “All the cyclists are basically doing the same thing and if there’s any innovation, in the way cyclists ride or the way they train or what they wear, then the whole team gets the benefit. It’s a sport where the different participants are closely linked.

“Athletics, on the other hand, is not even really one 54

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sport. The way a sprinter trains and competes is completely different to a pole-vaulter. What works to help a highjumper succeed has nothing to do with helping someone win the 5000m.”

If the Brits are looking to cash in at the velodrome, though, the Aussies have them in the pool, another of the Olympics’ high-yield disciplines.

“In swimming, for example, there are far too many events – if you can win the 50m freestyle, then you’re probably a good chance to win the 100m freestyle,” Barrow says.

“Someone like Michael Phelps, a lot of his events are so closely related – it makes it far easier for him to win a lot of medals.”

Barrow’s observations are not limited only to identifying soft targets for medal-hungry nations hoping to fill their boots. In fact, he has been busy crunching the numbers, calculating a formula that correlates medal success against wealth – specifically, Gross National Product.

“Population and that measure of wealth are the two driving factors,” Barrow explains. “If you plot it on a graph, it’s almost a perfect line going up and across at 45 degrees.”

There are, of course some exceptions, countries that punch above their weight, returning from Olympics with medal hauls disproportionate to the population and economic footprint.

“A country like Jamaica, particularly recently, is well ahead of what it should be able to achieve,” Barrow says.

“They’ve really come to dominate parts of track and field, despite having only a few million people.

“There are other factors, of course. The break-up of the USSR really altered those countries’ positions and the most successful country of all was the old East Germany, which was despite a relatively small population. It was, though, part of the state policy to really dominate sport and win Olympic gold medals.”

Clockwise: Britain’s cyclists have been cashing in; as has US swimmer Michael Phelps; while Kiwi shot-putter Valerie Adams only gets one bite of the cherry

Photos: Getty

Like any self-respecting Englishman, Barrow even has a ready-made explanation for the fact Australia, poundfor-pound, out-performs Great Britain.

“In certain countries, the climate favours sport,” he says.

“And that’s certainly true in Australia – they love sport; it’s part of the culture and they invest a lot of time and effort in it. It’s also intriguing the number of sports countries participate in. England tries to do every sport and it means the outstanding physical specimens are split up. It dilutes the performance. In Kenya, for example, there are basically two choices – long-distance running and, maybe, football.

England, because it has more sports, is constrained. We don’t have any hammer-throwers, for example, because all those people are playing rugby.”

Barrow has even taken a stab at answering the most pressing question is the sporting world – one that is sure to be asked innumerably more times between now and the Olympics: how fast can Usain Bolt go? According to Barrow, the Jamaican sprinter should still be able to shave as much as 0.20sec off his world record of 9.58sec.

“How fast could he go without actually becoming a better runner?” he clarifies. “He has extremely slow reactions off the block – he’s consistently one of the slowest starters. If he improved that aspect, he could shave three-hundredths of a second off his time.

“During Bolt’s records, he hasn’t had a following wind, which is unusual. And, if he ran at altitude, somewhere like Mexico City, that would also help him go faster, because the air is less dense. When you put it all together – he’s the same runner but we’re just optimising the details – it’s very striking to think he could still get down to 9.38sec or 9.40sec.”

Professor John D. Barrow’s next lecture, in his series focusing on maths and sport, is Citius, Altius, Fortius: Records, Medals And Drug Taking, to be delivered at the Museum of London on Tuesday, January 17 gresham.ac.uk/lectures-and-events

‘If only I was closer to the equator’

BEST PLACE FOR A RECORD THIN AIR AND LESS GRAVITY According to Barrow, hard work and natural ability aren’t the only factors in sporting success. There are, he argues, certain cities, certain conditions, that help maximise performances in specific sports.

“In any sport where people are running, jumping, lifting, there are two factors,” he says. “The first is altitude. Mexico City, for example, hosted the Olympics in 1968 and is a city at 6000ft. The air is far less dense and it’s a considerable advantage, you could calculate it – it’s probably worth 0.07sec over 100m.

“The second, far subtler effect,” Barrow adds, “is the strength of gravity. It’s different in different places, because it’s all about the distance from the centre of the Earth. If you’re lifting or jumping or throwing, the closer you are to the equator, the easier it will be. Essentially, it will be easier for you to overcome gravity, the force attracting whatever object back to Earth.”

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YEAR OF THE DRAGON

Photos: visitlancashire.com, Hakim Tamimi/ Tropical Desert Trips, Getty

Cute, cuddly dragons are displayed on a stall in a bazaar in Singapore ahead of the Lunar New Year festivities. The Chinese Lunar New Year of the dragon falls on January 22 in the island country.

INSIDE

UNSUNG ENGLAND /60

THE CRAZY LIFE /68

CLIFF HANGER /74

All a quick train trip from London, here are some hidden corners that we reckon deserve a little love in 2012.

Barcelona, famed for its narrow streets abuzz with nightlife, is an old city. But there are new thrills for those willing to look.

Stop the press: thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a Jordan outside of Petra. Discover a kingdom of almostuntouched terrain, perfect for thrillseekers.

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57

TRAVELDIARY

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Laura Chubb ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

TOO FAT TO FLY Fat people should pay more to fly, former Qantas boss Tony Webber reckons, because the added weight means extra fuel costs for airlines. His admittedly controversial statement in the Aussie press saw a flurry of carriers (Tiger Airways, Virgin, Qantas itself) rush to disagree and reassure portly passengers that they are not considering such a surcharge. Am I alone in thinking Webber has a point?

LA TAMBORRADA San Sebastian, Spain For 24 hours, packs of drummers bang around town to celebrate the titular patron saint. Do not underestimate how loud this peculiar 19 festival will be – with about 100 regiments of drummers ceaselessly thumping away day and night, sleep isn’t really an option. The mayor raises the flag at midnight to signal for the drumming to start.

JAN

WHY: Like most bizarre rituals, the origins are obscure. Some say it harks back to a noisy way of mocking French occupiers during the Napoleonic wars. Others reckon it has its roots in the maids of yesteryear, who would bang their waterbuckets in San Sebastian’s wells.

AUSTRALIA DAY AT THE SKEFF

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sansebastianspain.info

TIMKAT

Gonder, Ethiopia

Galway City, Ireland

To commemorate the baptism of Jesus in the River 17-22 Jordan, huge crowds gather around the former capital’s bathing palace – Fasilidas’ Bath – where water is blessed and splashed over the multitudes. Many also leap into the baths to be baptised. Parades, singing and dancing ensue.

JAN

Catch perhaps the biggest January party in Ireland for 26 Australia Day at the Skeff Bar, an Australian-run extravaganza in the heart of this historical medieval town, known for springing to life at night. Expect Aussie beer, food, games, giveaways, music from Triple J’s Hottest 100, and more. Hostel Snoozles is offering €9.99 (£8.30) B&B, if you mention Australia Day when booking.

JAN

theskeff.ie; snoozleshostel.ie

WORLD BUSKERS

Christchurch, New Zealand JAN

19-29

A gathering of the world’s best street performers, from music to circus acts.

worldbuskersfestival.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: Providing you have a high tolerance threshold for noise, this unapologetically loud festival is a good laugh. The wine and cognac flows, and the city refuses to sleep until midnight on January 20, when the drums finally stop.

tourismethiopia.org

DUBAI SHOPPING FESTIVAL Dubai, UAE

For all those Dubai-bashers that accuse the desert city 5 of lacking culture, this month-long celebration of trawling malls should shut them up. Er, or not.

UNTIL FEB

dubaievents.ae

Photos: Getty

Look, I’m not ‘fattist’ in the sense that I hate fat people – judging the worthiness of a human being on a physical attribute would make me ignorant in the extreme. But nor am I a suscriber to ‘fat pride’. Being fat is unhealthy – what’s to be proud about? And if your inability to turn down a burger is costing people who have willpower more money or, worse, making them incredibly uncomfortable for the 10 hours they’re stuck in a tube squashed up next to you, then I say you have a duty to compensate.

Take the story of Arthur Berkowtiz, a 57-year-old who was forced to stand for the entirety of a seven-hour US Airways flight in November, because his 28-stone neighbour was spilling over into his personal space.

Berkowtiz couldn’t even use his seatbelt for take-off and landing, because the passenger’s gargantuan gut required both armrests be raised and his body to cover half of Berkowtiz’s seat.

In 2010, Air France and KLM proposed that larger passengers pay for not just one seat, but 75 per cent of the cost of a second as well. I would go further and say this: if you don’t fit into one seat, buy two. It’s only fair. Don’t like it? Lose weight.

Don’t want to lose weight? Then don’t fly. But be a decent human being and don’t make others suffer for what should be your problem.

And the beat goes on. And on. And on.

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ZAMBIA’S TOURISM MINISTER DOES BUNGEE Zambia’s tourism minister Given Lubinda has performed the bucket-list bungee jump off Victoria Falls to prove that it is safe. The famous jump received some unwelcome publicity last week when an Australian tourist was plunged into the crocodile-infested waters of the Zambezi River after her bungee cord snapped. The New Zimbabwe website reported that Lubinda made the leap and declared it a “viable operation”.

Mike Davies, boss of the Safari Par Excellence travel company, added: “There have been over 150,000 people jumping over the last 17 years without incident. So we are confident in it.”

Photos: Getty

GREEN LIGHTS The Northern Lights – expected to be at their best for 50 years in 2012 – will be visible from Ireland in the coming weeks, experts have revealed. The rarity is a result of a peak in the sun’s activity, according to astronomers, adding that the further north and away from city lights that people go, the more chance they have of seeing the phenomenon. Malin Head, Ireland’s most northerly point, is thought to be one of the best places to catch the Aurora Borealis in Ireland. Look out for our Northern Lights on a budget feature in TNT’s February 6 issue.

CARRIE BRUMSHAW? Birmingham’s reputation in England may revolve around that accent and baltis, but it is now held in much higher esteem in the Big Apple after The New York Times named it one of 2012’s must-see destinations. The idea of crowds of Carrie Bradshaws tottering around the Bullring in their Manolo Blahniks, super-skinny-extrafroth-double-espresso-shot-lattes in hand, seems a little hard to swallow, but there is plenty to recommend Brum – and did you know it’s home to more miles of canals than Venice? Check out our guide to the city at tntmagazine.com/travel

KENYA TERROR Terrorists may be on the verge of launching attacks on the Kenyan capital of Nairobi, the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) has warned. In an update to its travel advice, the FCO said: “The Kenyan authorities have alerted the public to a heightened threat from terrorist attacks in Nairobi. We believe that terrorists may be in the final stages of planning attacks.” The Kenyan authorities claimed to have thwarted attempted attacks by Al-Qaeda-connected Al Shabab militants in southern Somalia at Christmas and New Year.

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The terracotta-coloured Shrewsbury Castle

GETTING THERE

Up-and-coming

Sheffield Single tickets from London St Pancras start at about £20 at weekends.

The journey time is about 2hrs. (eastmidlandstrains.co.uk)

ENGLAND

The Severn river

Shrewsbury Single tickets from London Euston start at about £10 at weekends. The journey time is about 2hrs 30mins. (virgintrains.co.uk) Lancaster Single tickets from London Euston start at about £27 at weekends. The journey time is about 2hrs 30mins. (virgintrains.co.uk)

Olde worlde

0151 7071089 • www.embassie.com embassie@gmail.com

Bristol Single tickets from London Paddington start at about £10 at weekends. The journey time is about 1hr 30mins. (firstgreatwestern.co.uk)

p o ol ers H os te l Li ver ck a p ck a B ie ss a Th e Em b tles to ur of fe rs FR EE Be a - Sta rt in g 8pm Ever y Th ursd ay ¸Free wifi / pool table satellite TV and outside seating area

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Spot Banksy in Bristol

UKTRIP

Unsung England All a quick train trip from London, here are some hidden corners that deserve a little love in 2012 WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Bath, Manchester, Liverpool, Brighton … some cities in England have no trouble pulling in the punters. In fact, they’re so loud and proud, there’s little opportunity for anywhere else to get a look-in. We salute the silent few that offer great weekend breaks – without shouting about it.

Best for… A city break Sheffield WHY Like a small-scale Manchester, Sheffield boasts an iconic musical heritage (Pulp, The Human League, Def Leppard and Arctic Monkeys all hail from here) and thriving student – read: cheap – nightlife scene. A great spot for a bargain weekend of drinking and dancing, with enough shopping, museums and galleries to entertain the most ADHD of visitors.

DO A night on the town should include The Devonshire Cat (devonshirecat.co.uk) and its 150 varieties of beer, and indie mecca The Leadmill (leadmill.co.uk) – Jarvis Cocker has often been spotted here. Any ventures down West Street and Division Street will end in a good night out. See Meadowhall for all your shopping needs under one roof (meadowhall. co.uk), and the Millennium Galleries (museums-sheffield.org. uk) covers everything from contemporary to Victorian art.

Gastro pub The Milestone (the-milestone.co.uk) was a winner on Gordon Ramsay’s Best Restaurant TV show.

SEE sheffield.gov.uk/tourism

Photos: britainonview.com, Tony West, Thinkstock, TNT

Best for… Ye olde charm Shrewsbury WHY To discover a historical marvel away from the tourist crowds, unassuming-sounding Shrewsbury can’t be beaten.

The medieval town, described 300 years ago by Daniel Defoe as “pleasant, populous, and rich”, boasts a ramshackle collection of Tudor, Jacobean, Regency and Victorian architecture, the time-worn buildings tilting over a warren of winding streets.

DO A walking tour of the town lets you soak up the olde worlde atmosphere, passing the 16th-century Market Hall, the overhanging Henry Tudor House, where Henry VII reposed before the Battle of Bosworth, and the oddly terracotta-coloured Shrewsbury Castle. A river cruise along the Severn, which swaddles the town, is equally picturesque.

SEE visitshrewsbury.com

Best for… A horrid history Lancaster WHY A pretty place steeped in Georgian splendour, this year marks the 400th anniversary of the Lancashire – or Pendle – Witch Trials. Twenty people were tried for witchcraft in Lancaster in the autumn of 1612, rendering this county seat the almost-Salem of the UK. The town’s theatre, The Dukes, will perform a play all about the trials in the 54-acre Williamson Park later this year (dukes-lancaster.org).

DO To get a sense of this grisly episode of English history, check out Lancaster Castle, where 10 ‘witches’ were sentenced to death. Here, you’ll see the Well Tower, or Witches’ Tower, in which they were incarcerated, and even get a chance to find out what it was like to be locked up in the dungeon. As the castle still functions as a prison, you can only wander it on a guided tour. Also, make time to see the 17th-century Judges’ Lodgings, which were once the home of witch-hunter Thomas Covell, responsible for putting the unfortunate 20 on trial. Keep an eye on TNT for more on a trip to this spooky town.

SEE visitlancashire.com Best for… Emerging hip Bristol WHY Maybe it’s trading on the cutting-edge cool of its most famous export, elusive graffiti artist Banksy, but Bristol does seem to be eliciting murmurs of appreciation from unsuspecting culture vultures these days. A recent boom in galleries – such as trendy Spike Island (spikeisland.org.uk), a former tea-packing factory that now specialises in contemporary and visual arts – and designer bars provides plenty of entertainment for a great weekend jaunt.

DO Style-conscious types pack into Elbow Room (64 Park Street) for a spot of grunge-cool, playing pool and chugging bourbons to a soundtrack of jazz and funk. Cramped club Native (15 Small Street) is another in-the-know NEXT WEEK place to go, playing drum and bass, dubstep, hip-hop and jazz to the first Top Olympic 200 punters that manage to cram in. getaways SEE visitbristol.co.uk ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

61

LATEDEALS

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Three nights in Dubai is £395pp with Flight Centre. Sun, sea and sand comes guaranteed

DEAL OF THE WEEK SUNNY CYPRUS

£198

Seven nights in Cyprus is £198pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays).

Includes five-star, B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs February 27.

< £250

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TURKEY A nine-day tour of Turkey is £399pp (save 20 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Gallipoli, Troy, Cappadocia, and more.

Includes accommodation, most meals, guide and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by January 31; departs February 18.

DUBAI Three nights in Dubai is £395pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008628; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting reference DXBLONPAC28.

Includes three-star accommodation and return flights. Book by January 31; valid for travel May 1-31.

CROATIA An eight-day Sail Dubrovnik to Split tour is £459pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours. com). Includes seven nights aboard a pirate ship. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by January 31; departs May 20 and June 3.

> £500 EUROPE An 11-day tour from Berlin to Budapest, taking in five countries in total, is £801pp (save £89pp) with Contiki (0845 0750990; contiki.com). Visiting Prague, Vienna, Bratislava and more.

Includes transport and meals. Excludes flights. Book by January 23; departs February 11.

JORDAN A seven-day tour of Jordan is £517.50pp (save 10 per cent) with Topdeck (topdeck. travel). Includes accommodation, desert camp, guides, entrance fees to sights including Petra and Jerash, and a 4x4 jeep excursion to Wadi Rum. Departs March 17.

ITALY A 12-day tour of Italy is £779pp (save £260pp) with Contiki (0845 0750990; contiki.com).

Visiting Rome, Florence, Venice, Milan and more. Includes transport and meals.

Excludes flights. Book by January 23; departs February 12.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

TRANSFER FEES FROM £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.50 New Zealand dollar 1.95 South African rand 12.56 Polish złoty 5.41 Euro 1.21 US dollar 1.55 Canadian dollar 1.57 Hong Kong dollar 12.02 Swedish krona 10.65 Swiss franc 1.47 Singapore dollar 1.2 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

n Great rates n No hidden bank fees n Faster transactions n Easy-to-use online systems n Safe, secure and fully compliant

n Unrivalled customer service * Transfer rates are as of January 10 2012. Please note that these are mid market rates in relation to GBP

Photos: Getty; Cyprus Tourism; TNT

MAJORCA Seven nights in Majorca is £239pp with cheapflights.co.uk.

Includes seven nights, all-inclusive accommodation at the three-star Palma Bay Club in El Arenal and flights. Valid for travel between April 14 and May 17.

DUBLIN Two nights in Dublin is £125pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008628; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting reference DUBLONPAC3.

Includes three-star accommodation and return flights. Book by January 31; valid for travel April 10-13.

MALTA Seven nights in Malta is £133pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation and flights. Departs February 7.

FUERTEVENTURA Seven nights is £131pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation and flights. Departs London Luton on January 25.

LANZAROTE Seven nights in Lanzarote is £248pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, allinclusive accommdation and flights.

Departs London Luton February 16.

TURKEY Seven nights in Antalya is £119pp with Directline Holidays (0800 408 6324; directlineholidays.co.uk). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs January 29.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Travel Xxxxxxx shots Travel photography should be a XXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxx tale of what you have seen along your journey. Capturing sights and smells can be trickier than you think, but having fun is the main thing. Take your camera everywhere and shoot whatever pops up. Try things that are not typical market shots, everyone gets those; that’s not to say don’t shoot

scenes of these kinds but be aware of all the other elements around you. Learn to interact with your environment, get into those nooks, speak to the locals, and ask them to show you something new. Patience is also a key when shooting travel photography. What are you rushing for? Sit in a café for two hours and watch the world go by.

WINNER SPECTATOR Kieran Stone, Australia

WHY IT WORKS Kieran has made a fun and quirky image, using sunglasses to get the reflection and creating the main focus of the photo. By choosing to desaturate most of the image, and having a few select objects in colour, it really draws the viewer in. Having fun is a great way of trying out new photography tricks – sometimes it will work and often it won’t, but having that bit of creativity and thinking outside the box will push you to be better.

RUNNER-UP HANGING OUT IN MONGOLIA James Matthews, New Zealand

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS Boys will be boys, no matter where in the world you are. It reminds me of my brothers chasing me around the garden with a worm. The cheeky grin and proud posture have really given this light-hearted image warmth. The hand creates an almost 3D effect.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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63

TOP FIVE

1

HEALTHY CITIES

@tntmagazine

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA

It’s January, which means our good intentions for the year are still holding fast. OK, maybe we snuck that one lump of cheese in between meals the other day – but by and large, we’re doing more exercise, eating less crap, and cutting down on the booze.

Going on holiday, however, is a time notorious for the avowal that we don’t have to stick by the rules. Getaways are for indulging, right?

Well, if you want to be in with a chance of keeping to your resolutions until, say, at least February, here are some of the world’s healthiest spots to holiday – where the locals’ lifestyle might inspire you to stay on the wagon.

San Jose comes out on top after being named the healthiest metropolitan area in the US. It’s hardly surprising that our number one spot should go to a city in California – the sunshine state’s obsession with health is well documented, especially along the coast where beach bunnies work out maniacally and eat egg-white omelettes to look good on the sand.

San Jose’s residents have access to 64 00

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masses of outdoor trails, used for cardiovascular pursuits including walking, running, and mountain climbing. A whopping 53 miles of trails run throughout the city – making it the nation’s largest urban trail network – taking determined health nuts past rivers and creeks and through valleys, linking the city to surrounding open space and foothills.

The city is also home to a plethora of gardens and parks, including one of the largest municipal parks in the US, the 718-acre Alum Rock Park. This by itself offers 13 miles of trails for mountainbikers, hikers and horseriders; there are also volleyball courts and areas for camping.

And with more than 300 days of guaranteed sunshine and an average daily temperature of 23˚C, combined with all that exercise, it’s no wonder San Jose’s residents tend to be in an endorphin-rich state of mind. San Joseans rank highest for health, diet and lifestyle in the US. The bastards. sanjose.org

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PORTLAND, OREGON

One of the most environmentally friendly cities in the world, Portland’s preservation of open spaces extends to the largest wilderness park within city limits in the US – the 5000-acre Forest Park.

Portlanders are an outdoorsy lot, thanks to the city’s 146 miles of forested hiking trails, 227 (yes, 227) parks, and 277 miles of bike paths.

Being unhealthy in this city requires some effort. travelportland.com

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; swiss-image.ch; TNT

4

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

Perhaps smoking up doobies and catching tropical diseases from (officially sanctioned) red-bulb-bathed ladies doesn’t strike you as the most healthy of lifestyle choices, but there’s more to the ‘Dam than sex and drugs.

Being as flat as a Dutch pancake, AmDam is great for cycling – in fact, it’s one of the most bicycle-friendly large cities in the world, with 250 miles of bike paths, and many streets closed to cars. There are about half a million bikes in the Dutch capital. iamsterdam.com

3

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND

Oatmeal hues

The outdoor heated swimming pools that are open year-round play their part in Reykjavik residents’ healthy lifestyle.

That, and the fact that every Icelandic inhabitant is required to learn how to swim – the sport has been compulsory on the school curriculum for 60 years.

Iceland is also one of the least polluted countries in the world, and locals take advantage of their natural environment to do heaps of hiking and sailing too. visitreykjavik.is

5

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND

Sport is an important part of Swiss society, and an abundance of sporting facilities in the capital allows its city slickers to enjoy an active lifestyle.

Ice hockey, football and biking are the most popular sports (FIFA’s headquarters are here), and there are biking routes and hiking trails right throughout the city.

Oddly enough, Zurich is also a centre for curling, with 30 clubs and seven indoor facilities dedicated to the broomcentric sport.

NORDIC HOTEL OVERVIEW Perched on the border of Tallinn’s evercharming Old Town, this Scandinavian hotel chain aims to cater to a more corporate crowd. The lobby is awash in oatmeal hues, and the rooms can’t help but feel a bit dull. While the establishment lacks character – a rare failing in what is often touted as Estonia’s most picturesque neighbourhood – it does make up for it with a good location and a stellar staff. The price is surprisingly reasonable, and includes a continental breakfast.

WOW FACTOR The staff are as friendly as they are helpful.

On our visit, reception was eager to please, and sent us packing with maps, recommendations and instructions on how to navigate the city using public transport. Plus, the location is just about as central as you can get.

ROOMS Simple, but comfortable. As is expected at any four-star accommodation, the linens are crisp and blissfully soft.

BILL PLEASE Doubles from £70pn, inc. breakfast.

Viru Valjak 3, Tallinn, Estonia nordichotels.eu

zuerich.com

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TRAVELTIPS

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Niagara Falls: take a waterproof

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free Wi-Fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

sister and I are going to Amman in Q My Jordan for a long weekend. We have

wife and I want to go to Toronto for Q My our first anniversary. We would like to

already booked a day trip to Petra; what would you recommend for our second day?

Barbara, via email

do some sightseeing, and visit Niagara Falls.

Would you recommend staying overnight at the Falls or just booking a day trip? Also, what’s the best way to get to the Falls?

Simon, via email

tiny desert kingdom has plenty to see A This in addition to the stunning Petra. A long weekend won’t be enough time to see it all, so you’ll have to prioritise.

After a day trip to Petra, you will be exhausted, so you may prefer to opt for a shorter excursion on your second day. A trip to the Dead Sea is a great option. It’s an experience, but you’ll want to use the facilities at one of the resorts so you can wash off the salt afterwards.

By visiting a resort you will also have access to sunloungers and a pool to make the most of your relaxation time. A number of the resorts offer day rates; try the Mövenpick, which charges about £35 for use of the spa (movenpick-deadsea.com).

To get to the Dead Sea you’ll need to use a combination of minibuses and taxis. You can get a minibus from Amman (Muhajireen bus station) to Suweimah (one hour) and then take a taxi the last 5km stretch to the resort of your choice.

Alternatively, you could get a taxi direct from Amman for about £30 return.

If relaxation isn’t top of your agenda, consider visiting the stunning ruins at Jerash which lie 50km north of Amman – one of the Middle East’s best examples of a Roman provincial city.

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Falls, while home to a stunning A Niagara and iconic natural wonder, isn’t such a glamorous town. Expect casinos, sex shops and fast food joints. Given that the Falls are only two hours from Toronto via bus or train, I would opt for a day trip. Greyhound Canada operates buses along this route (greyhound.ca), as does VIA trains (viarail.ca).

There are a number of ways to experience the Falls, including the ingenious White Water Walk (about £5.90, April-October), a walkway close to the bottom of the Falls. For a more traditional view, try the early-20th-century cable car (the Whirlpool Aero car) or the exhilarating Maid of the Mist boat tour, which takes passengers up close to the Falls – wear a waterproof jacket!

Consider an overnight stay if you want to see the Falls very early before the crowds arrive or to check out the evening illuminations.

In Toronto, make sure you check out the CN Tower, one of the world’s tallest buildings, and soak up the atmosphere in the Distillery District (thedistillerydistrict.com). The latter is a popular entertainment complex of restaurants, shops and galleries in a converted Victorian warehouse.

READERS’ TIPS PLAYING IT STRAIGHT TIP If you’re travelling with OF THE hair straighteners or a hair WEEK dryer, use them to iron out creases in your clothes.

After returning from my travels, I still do this now. It saves a lot of time!

Zoe Jackson, via Facebook

SELL ‘EM A DUMMY Take a dummy wallet with you when travelling, containing a small amount of cash (notes and coins) and a couple of expired credit cards or membership cards. Fingers crossed you’ll never need it, but if you were to get mugged, you have something to hand over without leaving yourself penniless.

Kate Popham, via email

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

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Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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CAMP NOU, BARCELONA Tim Tregenza from Brisbane, Australia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

AMBER LAVELLE, 29

JAMIE HANNAH, 31

Newcastle, Australia

Newcastle, Australia

BEST There have been so many, but snorkelling in the Red Sea was incredible. My friend and I almost backed out of it after a massive night before – I’m so glad we changed our minds.

WORST Falling 400ft down a cliff in Switzerland in an attempt to tandem paraglide. We managed to get caught up in the parachute and it dragged us downwards. The worst bit was that we then had to re-climb the mountain to try to do it again!

Favourite travel experience?

I‘ve spent years travelling the globe but had seen very little of Australia. So, last year, I bought a campervan and drove around Aus for six months. It was phenomenal!

Scariest travel experience?

Getting food poisoning in India and the doctor wanting to cut out my appendix in a filthy shed.

Top travel tip?

Don’t put off those big trips until you’re older.

Seize the opportunity now.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

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SPLASHING OUT

CRUISE CONTROL Cruise from New York and onto the Caribbean, with full-board and flights to the Big Apple included. Valid for March 16 departure.

One night’s pre-cruise stay in New York and a 12night Caribbean cruise is £1279pp with Travelbag (0871 703 4240; travelbagcruise.co.uk).

THE INSIDER

CAMERON WALL, Customer Service Representative Contiki (from Sydney, Australia)

My first ever big trip was a few years ago. I wanted to see the world, so I jumped on a plane to Europe. I spent five weeks travelling and had such a ball that now I live here!

My most challenging travel experience was when I missed my coach from Madrid to Bilbao on my birthday last year.

I found it all pretty funny until I realised that no one could understand me or where I had to get to.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Ireland, finishing off with St Patrick’s Day, and then off to the Western Front for another memorable and special ANZAC Day. My guilty travel pleasure is spending a bit of cash on European football matches. The atmosphere in those stadiums is crazy. It’s something else when you see the home team score and there’s 40,000+ people going mental.

My top travel tip is just go with the flow, see where you end up, and if you get lost it’s just an unplanned adventure.

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Immerse yourself in the exotic adventure of Barcelona

Barcelona SPAIN

Barcelona’s famous ‘Magic Fountain’ Barcelona MADRID

SPAIN

GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Flights depart regularly to Barcelona. You can book a return flight from about £65 with easyJet, depending on what day you want to travel.

Clockwise: butchers at La Boqueria; nods to Picasso; relax on the beach

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In search of the crazy life Barcelona, famed for its narrow streets abuzz with nightlife, is an old city. But there are new thrills for those willing to look WORDS TOM STURROCK

About 50 metres out to sea from the sands of Barceloneta beach, a pile of hefty concrete slabs forms a man-made reef, clattered together like broken Lego. From there, looking back toward the city, the marina is visible behind the beach, set against the dust-grey skyline of the Old Town and, further to the south-west, the flat, green expanses of Montjiuc. Barceloneta is covered with barely clad bodies lounging in the late-afternoon Catalonian sun. After sunning myself like a lazy, rum-drunk lizard, I stroke my way back to dry land and, dodging the mobile barmen spruiking €5 mojitos, head towards the nearest chiringuito, a spindly shack, set back from the shore, that sings with the clink of beer bottles and warm chatter.

“How was it?” my guide, Carlos, asks, having set himself up in a narrow strip of shade next to the bar.

“It was perfect,” I reply, happy for the all too rare opportunity to get back in the water.

Carlos is a local – charmingly camp, somewhere in his thirties, with excellent, if heavily accented English, his head permanently covered with a jaunty flat cap. He has been showing me around Barcelona. It has been an education.

Earlier that morning, we meet near Las Ramblas, Barcelona’s teeming central boardwalk that, despite being a renowned tourist trap, retains enough of the city’s characteristically chaotic atmosphere. In the evening, it is almost unbearable for the foot traffic but, at this hour, is more sedate: café workers slowly clearing tables, human statues stretching, tarot card readers shuffling their decks, sketch artists setting up easels, early-rising tourists making idle inquiries.

“So, Tom,” Carlos begins, “Welcome so much to Barcelona – today we will hopefully show you our beautiful city and some of the things most tourists do not see.”

“That’s great, Carlos,” I reply. “Looking forward to it.”

“Is there anything, in particular, that you want to do?”

“Sure – I mean, I’m not so interested in the obvious tourist stuff. I want to see where locals live and eat and shop. And I want to see the crazy life – La Vida Loca.”

At this, Carlos lets out a peel of laughter and claps me on the back. “My friend, it is too early in the morning for La Vida Loca,” he says. “For that, you must come back at 3am, but we shall see what we can do for you.”

And, certainly, Barcelona is a whirlwind of surprises. It

is a city of narrow streets and winding passages, the most drab, innocuous alleys unfolding spectacularly into elegant squares and secluded gardens. It is, above all, a city that demands to be explored.

Carlos and I take coffee at La Boqueria, Barcelona’s epic food market, at the top end of Las Ramblas, lauded as one of the finest in Europe. It positively overflows with produce – spices fill the air with a heady cocktail of aromas and the fruit stands give it all a technicolour undercoat. The meats, piled high and hung from wooden slats in every second stall, range far beyond the standard steaks and sausages – it’s bulls’ tails and black eels for the adventurous epicure.

“

For La Vida Loca, you can come back at 3am

”

From the market, we pick our way through the lascivious Barrio Chino, El Raval – where, even in early afternoon, the area’s prostitutes are working their corners – and then on towards the Old Town, with its straight, dim corridors and the dinky pinxto bars of uber-trendy Born, which recedes, finally, into the soft sands of Barceloneta.

That evening, the tour of Barcelona continues, Carlos suggesting I take in a flamenco performance at the renowned El Tablao de Carmen, a dance theatre in Poble Espanyol, an arts and entertainment precinct in the city’s ›› north. Admittedly, I am reluctant. Dancing is for girls

Street artists crowd Las Ramblas TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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and there are bars to be caroused in. But Carlos insists.

Inside the rustic, two-tiered venue, waiters scuttle about, bringing tapas to and from tables, some of which are pressed square against the rectangular stage.

Flamenco is the music of Spanish Gypsies – the Romani people of Andalusia – and the dancing is an energetically frenzied, almost formless affair. A troupe of musicians sit in a ring onstage; one strikes up a guitar, while one of the women, forty-something and sun-kissed, sings in a language I don’t understand, though the sadness in her voice is no less palpable. One of the girls, who couldn’t be older than 20, begins to dance slowly in the centre and gradually, as the singer’s voice rises in a wailing crescendo, her movements accelerate, a jumble of stamping feet and outstretched palms. She throws her head back, her face twisted in a mixture of agony and ecstasy, exorting the audience to feel the same. It is impossible to look away and, as the sun sets over Barcelona, in one small corner of this old city, I can almost hear the crazy life draw breath. ❚ Tom Sturrock travelled with Paddle In Spain paddleinspain.com; and stayed at Hotel Mimic in Barcelona hotel-mimic.com/en

[Caption] Flamenco is an amazing spectacle

NEXT WEEK Ischgl, Austria: Party on at this super-fun ski resort

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Not far from Barceloneta, Euskal Etxea is one of the city’s best-known pinxto bars. If you’ve never been to one, you basically help yourself to small servings of various dishes.

You hang on to the skewers holding your food together and then use them to tally up your bill at the end.

It’s fantastic if you just want an afternoon snack. (euskaletxea.cat)

Check out Big Fish (left) in Born.

Barcelona does some great seafood and, at this exquisitely decorated restaurant, one half of the menu is sushi, while the other is cooked seafood. There’s so much sushi that it’s hard to choose, while, from the grill, the scallops and monkfish are the highlights. One of the best meals you’ll have in this city. (bigfish.cat)

To dine in style, check out Lasarte, one of the many posh restaurants owned and operated by high-profile chef Martin Berasategui. He’s known for his traditional Basque cooking and his name is attached to some of the country’s best restaurants. You’re looking at €40 (£33)-plus for mains but it’s worth it. (restaurantlasarte.com/en)

DRINK

All the chiringuitos (above) along Barceloneta beach provide a similarly laidback, authentic spot for a drink, but Vai Moana is one of the bestknown. You can easily sit back and put away a few Estrellas or mojitos while people-watching, but there’s also some decent tapas on offer for when you need to soak up the booze. (vaimoana.net)

If you explore Barcelona’s Barrio Gothic, you’ll stumble across heaps of quirky bars but Margarita Blue (left) may be the pick of the bunch.

Its vibrant, colourful atmosphere and eclectic crowd are complemented by some serious cocktails and surprisingly tasty Mexican food.

A perfect spot for a late night. (margaritablue.com)

Few bars in Barcelona make better use of the city’s eclectic, old-school ambience than Marmalade (above), which was a furniture store for 50 years and, happily, appears to have kept most of the coolest pieces. It has a Fifties feel and is one of the most sought-after venues for shakers and movers hoping to impress. (marmaladebarcelona.com)

SLEEP

If you’re after a fun, affordable hostel that’s going to enable you to make the most of your stay, it’s worth checking out Barcelona Mar, not far from the heart of the city. The dorms vary in size but you can rent a bed for as little as £9 per night.

You can also rent a bike, which is handy for seeing the sights. (barcelonamar.com)

Within five minutes’ walk of Las Ramblas, Hotel Mimic (above) is a snazzy, convenient base for your adventures in Barcelona. You can reserve a double room for as little as £58 per night if you get in on its current offer. Downstairs, the dining room and library are an ultracomfortable setting for your morning coffee. (hotel-mimic.com/en)

The rooms at Hotel Condes de Barcelona (left) are comfortable and airy and the high-ceiling foyer is awash with low-key opulence. But it’s the terrace, on the top floor, providing some of the best views in the city, that ensure people come back to this hotel. You’re looking at upwards of £100 per night, depending on your needs. (condesdebarcelona.com)

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Photos: Getty, TNT

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BUDGET

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Good morning, Vietnam This is Hanoi in 48 hours WORDS LAURA CHUBB

DAY 1: 09:00 Stay at Bamboo Hotel in the Old Quarter (32 P Hang Be) to be at the centre of the action. A clean, spacious double room with cable TV will set you back just £11pn. Enjoy your free breakfast before heading out into the Old Quarter’s hectic tangle of streets. Take some time to soak up the atmosphere, and ask yourself where on earth all these people could possibly be speeding to on their motorscooters – are they all just driving round and round to look busy, or do they really have somewhere they urgently need to go?

11:00 When you’ve plucked up the courage to cross a street – our top tip is to just keep striding ahead confidently, whatever’s coming at you – pull up a plastic stool at a streetside hole-in-the-wall and savour a Vietnamese coffee at the local tariff. The strong brew, mixed with condensed milk, is quickly addictive.

12:00 After browsing the endless stores filled with tat, find a café that attracts an authentic crowd to try your first pho.

Watch how the locals do it, adding lime and chilli to the broth and stirring around slices of beef until the soup has taken on the perfect balance of flavours.

13:00 From the Old Quarter, it’s just a short walk to Hoan Kiem Lake, a placid refuge amid the mayhem. At the lake, wander across the bright red bridge to a little island out on the water, and enjoy the shady peace at Ngoc Son Temple.

14:00 Back by the lakeside, walk the circumference until you reach Fanny ice cream parlour (48 P Le Thai To). Aside from the oh-so-amusing photo op with the big Fanny sign, the ice creams are well worth the effort – a scoop of ginger and a scoop of chili-chocolate is unbeatable.

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15:00 The Thang Long Water Puppet theatre (thanglongwaterpuppet.org) isn’t far from here, so head over and book tickets for the 6.30pm performance. As far back to the 11th century, villagers used to entertain each other with these puppets on the water when the rice fields flooded. Today’s big stage shows, wherein the puppets perform in a pool, attract huge crowds.

15:30 End your afternoon at the Temple of Literature (P Quoc Tu Giam; admission 15p), about 2km west of the lake. Vietnam’s first university is an assemblage of traditional architecture, and it makes a serene breather from the busy streets. Wander at leisure before heading home for a quick change, and then take your seat at the theatre.

20:00 Dinner at New Day (72 Ma May) back in the Old Quarter’s maze is highly recommended; there’s a great mix of tourists and locals and it’s always packed. You can’t go wrong with any of the restaurant’s takes on pork ribs (think rich, sticky barbecue sauces) and a cold Hanoi beer.

22:00 Swing by Bia Hoi Viet Ha (P Hang Bai) for cold bia hois (Vietnamese, cheap-as-chips draught beer) and a raucous atmosphere. Be warned: snagging a table isn’t easy.

End the night at New Century (10 Pho Trang Thi Nha Tho Area), joining a young, local crowd for hip-hop beats and go-go dancers. There are bar areas with karaoke, too.

DAY 2: 10:00 Rouse yourself with more coffee and then head to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum Complex (at the corner of P Ngoc Ha and P Doi Can; admission free), where you can peer at the embalmed body of Vietnam’s Marxist-Leninist revolutionary leader – unless it’s October

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Water puppetry has been performed since the 11th century

or November, when he’s shipped off to Russia for maintenance. The traffic-free area of monuments, lakes and pagodas is good for a stroll, though is always crowded.

12:30 The next stop is Hoa Lo Prison Museum (1 P Hoa Lo, admission 15p); on the way, find a local spot to try bun cha – a yummy dish of vermicelli rice with slabs of barbecued pork and vegetables. Hoa Lo is a fascinating site, first a prison for Vietnamese revolutionaries set up by French colonists, and later repurposed by the Vietnamese to hold American prisoners of war (POWs). US POWs – including Senator John McCain, who was incarcerated here – would sarcastically refer to it as the Hanoi Hilton.

15:00 The Military History Museum (btlsqsvn.org. vn; admission 30p) houses an edifying collection that showcases Vietnamese resourcefulness during the war with the US; think bamboo spikes and an arsenal of similarly cobbled-together weapons.

19:00 Check out Highway 4 (highway4.com) for sophisticated riffs on crickets and frogs’ legs and a large selection of rice wine. Don’t arrive too late, as the restaurant often sells out of its more popular dishes.

21:00 Directly opposite your digs at Bamboo, Le Pub (25 P Hang Be) is a backpacker hotspot with a street-facing terrace, big screens showing sports, and the dubiously named ‘rocket fuel’ cocktail (down it and you’ll earn yourself a T-shirt). There’s not far to stumble home.

Return flights from London Heathrow to Hanoi, via Hong Kong, start at about £530 with Cathay Pacific cathaypacific.com/uk

Determined hawkers in conical hats will flog any old junk

Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum makes an important pilgrimage TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Adventure sports JORDAN

GETTING THERE Fly direct from London Heathrow to Amman with BMI from £198 return. (flybmi.com)

AMMAN

JORDAN Aqaba

SINAI Gulf of Aqaba

Tackling Jordan’s terrain is a real voyage of discovery 74

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SAUDI ARABIA

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Cliff hanger Stop the press: there’s a Jordan outside of Petra. We discover a Kingdom of almost-untouched terrain, perfect for thrillseekers WORDS KAREN SIMON

If you think a visit to Jordan is confined to Petra, Jerash and Wadi Rum, think again. While Jordan’s natural wonders and archaeological marvels are fascinating and truly worth the visit, they are sights for another story.

For me, once I discovered the Hashemite Kingdom’s sheer limestone cliffs, deep narrow valleys, and colourful underwater expanses (not to mention the crazy crews that boldly navigate these regions), I can no longer imagine exploring the country any other way. And as adventure sports are yet to be fully exploited in Jordan, travellers can still enjoy – far from the eyes of rubbernecking vacationers – unspoiled and unfrequented spots. This is Jordan, beyond the tourist-trodden tracks.

Trekking “Clamber up the rock against the river’s swift current, try to avoid swallowing mouthfuls of water, and hold on to the embedded rope for support,” I tell myself. Why I only reflect upon the fact that trekking against a flowing river doesn’t seem like the brightest idea when I’m already far inside the Mujib gorge is beyond me. But it’s too late; I’m here, in the lowest nature reserve on the planet, surrounded by massive multilayered rock walls, treading deeper into the river of an ever-narrowing canyon.

A protected area under the Royal Society for the Conservation of Nature (RSCN), Wadi Mujib (“wadi” is Arabic for valley) is a spectacular reserve adjacent to the Dead Sea. When I finally reach the end of the trail – tired and thoroughly drenched – I see the reason for a route that so blatantly defies nature: a cascading waterfall that drops from 20m above. This beautiful sight washes away my original doubt and I bask in the awesomeness that is wild Jordan.

If you’re into trekking, with five impressive trails that ascend and descend the Mujib valley (and cross paths with biblical remnants, like the rock pillar that’s said to be Lot’s wife, turned into a pillar of salt in the Book Of Genesis), this is one of Jordan’s must-see destinations. But, as the RSCN boasts multiple nature reserves specialising in hiking trails, you can’t go wrong choosing any one of their sanctuaries.

HOW TO DO IT Visit a RSCN visitor centre (rscn.org.jo).

WHERE AND WHEN Mujib Nature Reserve, Ajloun Forest

Reserve, Azraq Wetland Reserve, Dana Biosphere Reserve.

GETTING THERE As most of the RSCN reserves are out of the way, renting a car would be the best choice for avid hikers.

Monte Carlo Rent-A-Car offers decent cars at good daily rates – about £36 to £45, including insurance (montecar.com).

CONTACTS See rscn.org.jo DIGS Each RSCN reserve boasts lodgings. The cost of an overnight stay can range from about £40 to £104.

THE DAMAGE Treks vary in price from £8 to £50. The charge includes equipment (if necessary) and reserve entrance fees.

Rock climbing The sun is beating down, the wind is picking up, and I’m halfway up a pockmarked sandstone wall. I’m told that if I can get high up enough, I’ll see the expansive Wadi Al Arab Dam Lake we drove past to get to this climbing spot in Irbid, an hour north of Amman. Even more amazing, apparently above us, past the overhang, sits a plateau that holds an archaeological site still uncovering the remains of a village that dates back to the fourth millennium BC. Rock-climbing is pretty exciting on its own, but Jordan always knows how to show off that little bit more.

Home to a steadily growing population of avid rockclimbers, Jordan’s outdoor routes are continually being discovered and bolted. Whether you’re a top-roper, a sport climber, a trad climber, or even an ardent boulderer, the Kingdom has vertical terrain for you to tackle and refine your technique on. And once you reach the top, you’ll pay no heed to your aching limbs, as the spectacular sight of the countryside below re-energises your body and mind.

HOW TO DO IT For safety reasons, rock-climbing trips are usually only open to already proficient climbers. All climbing equipment can be provided by the operator.

WE LIKE Tropical Desert – see tropicaldeserttrips.com WHERE AND WHEN Jordan boasts hundreds of different climbing routes, which range in difficulty. If the weather has other plans, Climbat Amman is a great indoor climbing centre (climbat.com).

GETTING THERE Transportation to the rock-climbing sites is provided by the operator, but to begin the trip, climbers meet at Tropical Desert’s offices. Located by Amman’s 3rd ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The Cedar Pride wreck dive, Aqaba

The writer on Wadi Mujib River trek

Canyoning in Wadi Zarqa Ma’in

Circle, it can be reached by taxi for a few dinars.

DIGS The guy who runs Tropical Desert, Hamit, also runs Rainbow House: a bohemian-style commune where a bed costs about £5.50pn. See tropicaldeserttrips.com THE DAMAGE Tropical Desert doesn’t charge for its rockclimbing trips; however, as this group drill and bolt practically all of Jordan’s outdoor routes, donations for the “bolt box” are always welcome.

Jordan offers pristine Red Sea dives

WHERE AND WHEN From north to south, there are plenty of canyons throughout the country. The best times to go are from April to October. However, groups still go out (sporting wetsuits) in winter.

THE DAMAGE Expect to pay around £36 to £50 for a single day’s canyoning (with multiple abseils); overnight trips can cost up to £72. Fees include transportation, food, water, and equipment.

Canyoning There’s nothing like enjoying a vista while dangling from a cliff 60m off the ground with nothing but rope to hold you.

High above me, waving enthusiastically is the group I left behind when I started my descent, moonwalking down the rocky limestone face of the Zarqa Ma’in canyon. To my left is a thin, fresh-water waterfall that ends in a green pool below, where the other half of my group awaits, shouting up words of encouragement and obligatory jokes about their view of an arse in mid-air.

Jordan is home to countless wadis making it the perfect place to take up canyoning, whether that means abseiling 12 consecutive falls at Wadi Feid or – an experience that avid canyoner Leah describes as, “just you, rope, and air!”

– descending the Kingdom’s highest waterfall at Wadi Himara. And the best part: as few groups have ventured out to explore the Kingdom’s wild backyard, most don’t even know that these parts of Jordan exist.

HOW TO DO IT Canyoning trips are open to all, whether or not you’ve abseiled previously.

WE LIKE As with rock-climbing, Tropical Desert is Jordan’s best operator for canyoning.

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Wadi Mujib is a protected area

Potholing Slithering on my stomach in the dark, between the muddy earth and a great slab of rock that’s pressing down overhead, I ask myself: “How did I get here again?” Then I recall that it was I who wanted to see what caving in Jordan looks like.

And after experiencing the descent into a cavern by rope, a dark and peaceful subterranean hike, and the discovery of a second floor underground – all created by lava that flowed centuries ago – I conclude my decision to voluntarily climb down deep into the earth was not so crazy after all.

Potholing remains Jordan’s most untapped adventure sport as only a handful of caves are currently being explored for sport. The Beir Al Hamam Lava Cave is the best known.

HOW TO DO IT Anyone can partake in potholing trips.

WE LIKE Wild Spirits. (+962 77 7285747 or join the Wild Spirits Facebook group).

WHERE AND WHEN The Harrat Ash Shamah volcanic field, which starts in southern Syria and extends to Jordan’s eastern basalt desert, has created many lava tube caves.

GETTING THERE Operators provide transportation to the desert potholing sites.

DIGS Farah Hotel is a backpacker-friendly hostel in the heart of Downtown Amman; beds from £5.70 (farahhotel.info).

THE DAMAGE Approximately £31. This covers equipment, transportation to the cave, food, and drinks.

Diving Here I am, enrapt by the gleaming coral below and surrounded by magnificent schools of tropical fish, when most unexpectedly – considering that I’m about 18 metres deep – I come up against an imposing barnacled wall.

This is the Cedar Pride Wreck, an 80-metre long cargo ship whose life was taken in 1982 by a violent fire that spread through her hull. She was deliberately sunk three years later to create an artificial reef off the coast of Aqaba. Today, home to lion and angel fish, barracuda and snappers, the ship has taken on a new life… and damn, is she impressive.

Although Egypt’s and Israel’s side of the Red Sea has received more touristic attention, Jordan’s side – known as Aqaba – should not be underestimated. In fact, because Jordan has been less commercialised as a diving destination, ›› Aqaba’s dive spots (more than 20 sites) remain pristine.

Hakim Tamimi

The Insider's guide Hakim Tamimi is the founder of Jordan-based adventure tour operator, Tropical Desert. He lives in the capital, Amman.

What is Jordan’s best-kept secret?

Our two-day trip in Wadi Hasa. You’re crossing the mountains and there’s nothing around, and at night, we camp out in the middle of nowhere under the stars.

The next day the hike ends at the Dead Sea, in what used to be Gomorrah.

What’s your top tip for people travelling to Jordan?

Negotiate, but be generous. As the guidebooks say, you can bargain; however, you should still tip. An extra dinar doesn’t make a big difference to you, but it’s a big deal to the person you’re giving it to.

What three Arabic words should travellers know?

IBM! Inshallah (“God willing”), bokra (“tomorrow”), and mumkin (“maybe”)!

Where’s good to party?

In Jordan, clubbing is very expensive, so house parties are better. I would suggest people go to La Calle (Rainbow Street, +962 77 7266928) or Café de Paris (Paris Square, +962 78 6544447), because these are places where you can meet people. And eventually someone will say that there’s a house party going on.

What’s your favourite thing about Jordan?

I love the fact that Jordan is still essentially a village.

Just like in a village, everyone knows each other, everybody gossips, and people are wary of outsiders (except for tourists, of course!). And, because it’s like a village, Jordan is still very safe.

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WE LIKE SeaStar Water Sports (aqabadivingseastar.com) WHERE AND WHEN Red Sea, Aqaba. Jordan’s south enjoys sunny weather all year round, which means it’s generally always a good time to dive.

GETTING THERE It’s about 350km from Amman to Aqaba, so the trip can be done by car, bus, or plane. JETT Buses depart from Amman to Aqaba daily, every two hours, and a single costs about £6.70 (jett.com.jo).

CONTACTS See aqabadivingseastar.com DIGS Bedouin Garden Village is good choice for budget travellers. A single room goes for about £22.50, but if you’re travelling in a small group, you can get a shared room for £50 (aqaba-hotels.com).

THE DAMAGE It’s about £27 for a shore dive (including dive equipment) or £72 for a day of multiple dives off of a boat (including dive equipment, food, and drinks). ❚

BEST OF THE REST WHAT TO DO, WHERE TO GO Aqaba is an underexplored mecca for diving BIKE If you’re into wheels, check out Cycling Jordan. This group of cyclists meets every weekend to explore Jordan by bike.

They provide all the equipment (including the bikes), transportation, and water, for between £13 and £18.

See: facebook.com/cyclingjordan; +962 79 8854454 SHOP Or, if you’ve had enough sport, take a Friday to explore Souk Al Jum’a, an open-air market found in Amman’s Abdali district. Here you’ll find everything from well-known European and American clothes and shoe brands to vintage accessories and antique books. Foraging is a must!

NEXT WEEK South-east Tibet: Road-tripping a remote region Happy chaps

• Private Beach Club • PADI Courses from Discover Scuba to Instructor • Guided Shore and Boat diving • Nitrox • Camera Hire • Free hotel transfers

Amman

As Aqaba’s longest running PADI 5 star IDC centre, we have built up our reputation as a friendly, professional and above all safe dive centre.

Our dive team is ready to show you the best the Northern Red Sea has to offer.

Wrecks, walls, canyons and stunning reefs, we have it all!

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Photos: Hakim Tamimi/Tropical Desert Trips, Alexey Stoyda, Karen Simon, Thinkstock

RELAX Most of Jordan’s budget travellers avoid staying by the Dead Sea because it’s predominantly five-star resorts that dot the coast. A cheaper (not to mention, more eco-friendly) alternative, however, are the Mujib Chalets. These singleroom adobe houses sit on the water’s edge and cost a couple – including breakfast – about £58pn, less than half the price of staying at any one of the big Dead Sea hotels.

See: rscn.org.jo

GOe LOCAL S in th BALK AN

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Freestyle through Eastern Europe with local guides on the best itineraries that give you the ultimate travel experience with like-minded travellers.

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Sail Croatia is the ‘number 1 travel experience in Europe’ as voted by our customers.

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Explore a Soviet Bunker RUSSIA & TRANS SIB Simply St. Peteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 4 days ÂŁ249 Mood for Moscow 4 days ÂŁ299 Museum Nights 4 days ÂŁ329 ÂŁ429 Vodka Shot 6 days Back in the USSR 7 days ÂŁ629

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Russia Revolution 9 days ÂŁ699 Romanovs Tour 10 days ÂŁ1149 Red Express 10 days ÂŁ799 Genghis Khan 13 days ÂŁ999 Highway to China 15 days ÂŁ1349

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Machu Warrior 7 days £740 Wild Costa Rica 9 days £580 Speedy Gonzalas 10 days £1050 Cancun to Antigua 10 days £610 Road to Rio 16 days £1220 Way to San Jose 15 days £990 Lima to Santiago 26 days £2070 Mayan Empires 22 days £1280 Why travel with ON THE GO t "#5" "*50 "50- o öOBODJBM protection t øFYJCMF HSPVQ UPVST t $FOUSBMMZ MPDBUFE TUBS IPUFMT t &YDFMMFOU FOUIVTJBTUJD UPVS MFBEFST t /P DPNQVMTPSZ ATJOHMF TVQQMFNFOU t No â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;local paymentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; t -PUT PG :FBS SPVOE HVBSBOUFFE EFQBSUVSFT UP DIPPTF from t 5BLJOH ZPV Pò UIF CFBUFO USBDL t *ODB USBJM "NB[PO KVOHMF JODMVEFE

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egypt 9 day tour from only

£199!

EGYPTIAN EXPRESS Ancient Egypt at its very best in 9 intoxicating days!

Selected Departures. Conditions Apply Please call us for details

No Local Payments or Hidden Extras!

Egyptian Express fr £199

Pyramids & Beaches fr £359

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Pyramids, Felucca, Luxor, Aswan - 9 days

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2-day tour to the Cove departs 24 April 2012

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Turkey · Morocco · Croatia Sailing Las Fallas · Pamps · La Tomatina

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Contiki Loves Europe 1 Continent – 38 Countries - Over 80 Tours

Eastern Road 13 Days / 6 Countries Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, Poland contiki.com/easternroad

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*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.65, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and ubject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Subject to availability.

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CALL US 0845 257 5210 TNTMAGAZINE.COM Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off trip prices only, and do not include food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included. See online for full terms and conditions.

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TRIPLE AWARD WINNERS

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6 APRIL

AMSTERDAM. 28 APRIL

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2 12 HIGHLAND EASTER

5 DAYS ÂŁ279 EARLYBIRD ÂŁ259 DEPARTS LONDON 5 APRIL LOCH NESS & ISLE OF SKYE

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HIGHLAND FLING 5 DAYS Normally from ÂŁ179-ÂŁ189 Now from ÂŁ149-ÂŁ159 Loch Ness, Isle of Skye & North West Highlands

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* Twilight lover: Hi there. I’m desperately seeking someone to come watch the latest Twilight movie with me. I don’t mind if you’re team Edward or Jacob but I’m team Edward!! My friends won’t come with me because they’re not cool enough and I don’t want to go alone! Please email me if you’re keen! twighlightlover26@ gmail.com. Lexey :) Malc and Elva: It is with a huge grin and a sigh of relief we

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THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#462 Brave the icy waters of Cornwall in a valiant bid to learn to surf

managed to pry the flat keys off you guys before you headed home to Aotearoa! Feel jealous in the knowledge of all of that hoisin ribs and chocolate lava you will miss out on? Ha ha! Seriously though, we miss you guys living at the No9 Putney Penthouse, and wish you both all the best back home! Michelle, via tntmagazine. com/forums.

Friday, January 6, Vesbar, Shepherd’s Bush: We were a group of girls sitting at the table and you came to me and asked me to dance with you, and

The stories we will have for our children will be forever. All my love, from Georges.

Sandi: If you don’t mow the lawns, I might be tempted to go play on the neighbour’s – if you know what I mean. Keep it under control, you dig?

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Aussie Matt at Gigalum, January 5: Be Jaysus, you cheeky little fucker, slipping your number in my handbag like that! Sorry to say, I’m not so keen, but remember my friend Jess, with the dimples?

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Adios, friend: Pablos, finally it’s time to skedaddle. I just want to thank you for helping me out when I first arrived here with not a brass bloody razoo to my name all those years ago. You’ve been an amazing mate. I’m sad to be leaving behind all the ripper times we’ve had here and in Europe – the Pyrénées, Redback blinders, skateboarding in Paris – but all good things ... Come visit the Coles Bay holiday pad some time. Cheers, Skandos.

Happy birthday to London’s biggest bogan: Three cheers and all that, Dougallally. Look under your bed, we’ve left a very BIG surprise. Love you long time, your Sherbourne Castle friends. Mwah!

Fed up: I’ve had it with Australian guys. I don’t care if you’ve got surfer curls and cheeky pick-up lines. Beyond that, you’re arrogant twats. Who’s keen for a night prowling for British beef? Kirsty.

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116 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty

To the blonde girl dressed half in pjs/half in an Indian outfit at the Church Jan 8: I told you you were the worst dancer. That was kind of my pick-up line, but then I couldn’t find you later to tell you I was joking and thought you were awesome. Fancy a drink/dance-off again? Brad: bad_ch_dancer@hotmail.co.uk.

Three flatties looking for the fourth to fill our new home: We’re looking for someone to move in within the next two weeks, at the end of January into a four bedroom house in Shepherd’s Bush. We don’t have a house as yet ... but we are actively looking at four-bedrooms in the She Bu community. We have a few houses on the go at the moment, so things are looking good. You would be sharing the house with a Swede, an Aussie and a Kiwi who all enjoy a good laugh and, of course, a few drinks!

Not to mention the casual trip to the Walkabout! If you are looking around and would like to be a part of what could be the best house in Shepherd’s Bush, please email shebu.flatmate@gmail.com.

Matt in London town: Hello from Sydney! I wish you were here, too and I’m sorry that I can’t be there to help you while your shoulder heals. I Can’t wait to smooch you all over when I’m back in London. Loads of love, AR. Seeking the little blonde bombshell from Brisbane: We met in Liverpool Street. You live in Fulham and you are a nurse ... and an absolute knockout! I could totally marry you. Toby.

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