TNT Magazine / Issue 1483

Jan 30-Feb 5 2012 Issue 1483 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

JET OFF TO IT ALY CROATIA OR , GREECE WIT H MONARCH

SOUND LONDON The city’s top live music venues

WORK AT THE GAMES Lowdown on Olympics jobs

WORLD’S BEST STREET PARTY How to have a riot at the Rio Carnival

R E D N O W T S L WAL

his head to o g d o o w y ll ot letting Ho n d n a lm fi w ker on his ne a B n o im S ie Auss

+ 32-PAGE GUIDE TO AFRICA

TOP 5 FILM FESTIVALS SECRET EDINBURGH

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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FREEPHONE 0800 085 0355 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER If you like your music live and loud in a dingy pub, London is the place to be. This year, the capital is alive with new acts on the cusp of stardom. To see them before they hit the big time, flick to P8 where we showcase the best gigs and the capital’s top venues.

Or if you like your live music with a generous dollop of flamboyancy and non-stop partying, get yourself over to Rio. Read the lowdown on the carnival on P74. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON

12

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

17

LONDON SOUND

18-19

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

20-23

COMPETITION

24

CHATROOM STEVE HUGHES

25

LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

Photos: PIP, Getty, Thinkstock. Cover: Getty.

8

26-27 32

LIFESTYLE

33-41

SHOPPING

33

HEALTH & BEAUTY

34-35

CAREERS

36-37

LIVING

40-41

NEWS & SPORT

42-53

FEATURES SOUND THINKING

8

Discover where to see the best upand-coming bands London has to offer

A RISING STAR

Australian Simon Baker on his new movie and finding success in Hollywood

TRAVEL

55

DIARY

56

NEWS

57

Want to run in the London Marathon?

We provide the tips to get you in shape

LATE DEALS

62

MODEL BEHAVIOUR?

HOTSHOTS

63

We explore a new documentary’s claims that modelling is exploiting teenagers

RUN, FORREST, RUN

TOP FIVE

64-65

TIPS & STUFF

66-67

SECRET EDINBURGH

SHORTBREAK

68-70

48 HOURS IN... TARTU

72-73

Here’s the lowdown on getting off the beaten trail in the Scottish city

CLASSIFIEDS

108-113

DESPERATELY SEEKING

114

34

28

PARTY TIME

34

46

60

74

Live it up in Rio. Your essential guide to the best bits of Carnival 2012

74 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

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Covent Garden has changed plenty

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 10 Greycoat Place, London, SW1P 1SB tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7960 6008 Fax 020 7960 6977 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON COVENT GARDEN AND ITS HIDDEN CORNERS IN AND AROUND COVENT GARDEN

Covent Garden is one of London’s most storied little patches and dates back to the capital’s formative years, when it was a focal point for so much of the city’s vice and associated rogues. Now, it’s one of the trendiest, most attractive precincts, brimming with food and drink and retail. It’s a great area to explore anyway, but the interest is sure to be heightened by having a knowledgeable companion pointing out the dark nooks and crannies of historical significance. You’re bound to come away with some cracking stories.

FREE

Feb 6-Feb 14 Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN

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WHERE TO GET TNT

SNOWDROP DAYS

A BATHING APE PIRATE STORE

DAVID SHRIGLEY: BRAIN ACTIVITY

Those who don’t have any gardens might roll their eyes and wonder why they’d want to go and look at flowers, but the Chelsea Physic Garden is actually pretty cool. It’s one of London’s many places with an old-school, weirdly esoteric history. And, at the end of the day, the new snowdrops prove winter is almost over.

For nearly 20 years, Japanese clothing line A Bathing Ape has been selling its off-kilter, harajuku streetwear – so swing past their short-lived pop-up store to cast an eye over its wares. The unusual name, if you must know, is short for indulgent people who, according to a Japanese expression, “bathe in lukewarm water”.

If you have a sense of humour that skews toward the messedup, but you’re unfamiliar with the work of David Shrigley, then do yourself a favour and check out his stuff online, or better yet, get along to this exhbition.

Cynical and blackly comic, Shrigley may well be Britain’s funniest visual artist. Worth a look.

Feb 4-12 Chelsea Physic Garden, 66 Royal Hospital Rd, SW3 4HS Victoria chelseaphysicgarden.co.uk

Until Sun, Feb 5 4 Upper James St, W1F 9DG Piccadilly Circus abathingape.com

Feb 1-May 13 Hayward Gallery, Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

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In bloom: go tropical at Kew Gardens

KEW GARDENS TROPICAL EXTRAVAGANZA Richmond

It’s got to be pretty damn special to justify the ‘extravaganza’ tag. In any event, Kew is an impressive location and rambling through its spectacular grounds is a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. And it’s hard to imagine a better way to blow out the bleak greys of a London winter than to take in the electric hues at the tropical showcase, even if ‘extravaganza’ does oversell it a touch. £14

Feb 4-Mar 4 Kew Road, TW9 3AB

Kew Gardens

ALE HOUSE ROCK

CUTTING EDGE

Take a break from your usual diet of flat Foster’s served in grubby glasses from poorly maintained taps and get a little experimental at this refreshing event. All kinds of bizarrely flavoured beers are on offer, including chocolate stout and a jasmine ale. OK, it sounds a bit weird, but even broccoli lager would be better than Foster’s.

The Comedy Store is a London institution and this regular Tuesday night feature delivers panel show laughs in a more intimate environment. It’s always a mixed bag of familiar faces and people you’ve never heard of, but that’s unlikely to stop you stealing their best bits and passing them off as your own. Dirty thief you are.

Feb 2-Feb 5 The Snooty Fox, 75 Grosvenor Ave, N5 2NN Canonbury snootyfoxlondon.co.uk

Tues, Jan 31 Comedy Store, 1a Oxendon St, SW1Y 4EE Piccadilly Circus thecomedystore.co.uk

FREE

Photos: Getty

kew.org

£14

LONDONNEWS

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PARKING FINE QUOTA DEEMED ‘DISHONEST’ A judge last week ruled in favour of a parking warden dismissed for objecting to his employer’s quota system, which demanded officers issue at least 10 fines per shift.

It is illegal to set quotas for parking workers, so Judge Burns ruled Hakim Berkani had been unfairly dismissed. “The managers took the view that a minimum number of PCNs should be issued, and 10 per shift was frequently mentioned as an absolute minimum,” Burns wrote in his judgment.

Not suitable for Primrose Hill

Without a shadow of doubt, Trafalgar Square has to be one of the most crap urban public spaces in the world Columnist Will Self reckons Nelson’s Column is too big

DE BOTTON WANTS TEMPLE OF ATHEISM Philosopher and writer Alain de Botton has proposed a temple for atheists be built amid the City of London’s medieval church spires.

“You can build a temple to anything that’s positive and good,” De Botton said of the structure, which would be inscribed with a binary sequence representing the human genome. Prominent atheist Richard Dawkins argued the money would be better spent on secular education.

ON THE TUBE

Redeemer plans for London Primrose Hill residents not impressed by suggested 9ft-high statue A scaled-down replica of Brazil’s iconic Christ the Redeemer statue could be built in Primrose Hill to mark the end of the 2012 Olympics, throwing forward to the 2016 Games, which will be held in Rio de Janeiro.

The Brazilian Tourist Board is drafting a planning application for a 9m-high statue, much smaller than the 30m original, which overlooks Rio from atop the city’s Corcovado mountain.

The Brazilian government would fund the project and wants it to be situated “close to the pinnacle” of Primrose Hill, to ensure the replica is visible for miles.

Unsurprisingly, residents are not entirely supportive of the plan.

The Camden New Journal reported: “Primrose Hill Lib Dem councillor Chris

Naylor said he wasn’t sure a 20ft statue of Christ with his arms outstretched was quite what the area needed.”

Malcolm Kafetz, the chairman of the Friends of Primrose Hill, said the replica would be unsuitable and held little appeal for residents.

“I do not see why it should go there,” he said. “I think it sounds unsuitable for a piece like this. It does not represent anything of England or Primrose Hill.

Primrose Hill is a place for people to go and enjoy the view.”

Another piece of feedback, received during consultation, went further: “This idea can only be described as a proposal for an outrageous act of ‘landscape hooliganism’. If erected I only hope Banksy defaces it as soon as possible.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

The British Library

THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

CENTRAL: No service between Hainault and Woodford on Saturday or Sunday due to upgrade works. Replacement buses operating

VICTORIA: Entire line closed on Saturday and Sunday due to upgrade works. Replacement buses operating

WATERLOO & CITY: Closed every Sunday

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Photos: Getty

6

Since the advent of the internet about 15 years ago, libraries are going the way of the dodo but this week, National Libraries Day aims to revive interest in these public spaces.

Fair enough, you might not fancy spending your Saturday afternoons thumbing through the Dewey Decimal System, but wouldn’t it be a pity if libraries disappeared completely? At the very least, it’s a good excuse to explore the British Library, if you haven’t already, on Euston Rd. And rest assured that it’s not some dusty, musty old building covered in cobwebs, but a brightly lit, high-tech, open space that shows the way forward for these buildings. If you like thumbing through random books at Waterstones, then the British Library offers that experience 10 times over.

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World’s finest venue: Brixton Academy

Feel the music London’s music scene is alive with new acts on the cusp of greatness, as HMV’s frantic 200-gigs-in-11-days festival shows WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

London: the birthplace of punk (some noisy New Yorkers might disagree), Britpop’s focus, the Beatles at Abbey Road studios – the city is a powerhouse of musical invention and an integral part of music, past, present and future.

It is the latter, though, which is most exciting right now, and is the focus for the HMV Next Big Thing festival, which shines a spotlight on the acts and bands expected to make waves during the next 12 months.

Entering its third year, the event showcases new acts about to break through, with 65 gigs in 11 days, featuring 200 artists at six London venues (and three others around the country) and an assortment of musical styles, attitudes and sounds.

Festival organiser Jason Legge says each September, he and his fellow promoter, Jim Benner, longlist all the musicians, from the UK and abroad, touted as the ‘next big things’ – often in excess of 600 bands – and whittle the line-up down from there.

“We try and see live and listen to as much music as we can manage,” Legge says. “The festival has no musical boundaries – we support new and 8

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

breakthrough music, whether it’s folk, classical, metal, pop, indie or postdubstep. We have a passion for new music, so it’s not much of a chore.”

That drive shines through in the breadth and depth of bands on offer, from a singer-songwriter star-in-themaking like London’s Delilah, to punknoisemongers Eagulls and dance-led electro firebrands Hadouken!

The capital boasts such an array of venues steeped in that aforementioned history that bands are almost begging to play. Several of those venues – The Borderline, The Garage, Upstairs At The Garage, Jazz Cafe, Heaven, Barfly Camden – play host to this year’s gigs.

Synth-rockers AWOLNATION (Garage, Feb 10), who released debut album Megalithic Symphony last year, are just thrilled to be invited to the whole shebang.

“Any chance to play for new audiences is an honor,” frontman Aaron Bruno gushes. “And I’m excited to play in the homeland that spawned so many of my favourite bands.”

Paul ‘Barney’ Barnes of popmetallers Sonic Boom Six is equally pumped ahead of his band’s show.

“This festival specialises in industry representatives so it’s an opportunity to get our new album on a label that will give it the shot it deserves,” he says.

Legge himself is understandably excited. Seeing his months of hard work come to fruitition will be satisfying and, even after being absolutely saturated with music, he’s champing at the bit for the festival to begin.

“With so many gigs, it’s difficult to pick out my personal faves,” he says of the kaleidoscopic range of acts. “But the artists I’m most looking forward to are Stooshe [Feb 11], New Look [Feb 7], Florrie [Feb 4], We Are Augustines [Feb 2] and Tonight Alive [Feb 10].”

Kicking off the year when audiences hear about new bands but often have to wait ages to actually hear them live, and with tickets a snip at a flat £10, the HMV Next Big Thing festival ensures that you’ve got no excuses not to be in the know when these guys crash the charts in the summer.

TOP VENUES FOR LIVE MUSIC ›› HMV Next Big Thing runs from Feb 2-12 at six London venues. Tickets £10 each hmvnextbigthing.com

Murray from ‘Flight of the Conchords’

Anthony Gonzalez: M83 (overleaf) frontman

“ He’s just absolutely brilliant. He’s got that Peter Sellers madness inside him” Jim Carrey

EXTRA SHOW ADDED DUE TO OUTSTANDING DEMAND SUNDAY 22 JULY FRIDAY 20TH & SATURDAY 21ST JULY AT 8:00PM Box Office: 0844 477 2000 www.o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk 0871 220 0260 | www.seetickets.com

0844 844 0444 | www.ticketmaster.co.uk

@rhysiedarby

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No one smile, it’s photo time: Hadouken!

King’s Cross Scala: Indie and rock pitstop par excellence

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ROUNDHOUSE CHALK FARM

ELECTRIC BALLROOM CAMDEN

Throughout the late Sixties and Seventies, Camden’s Roundhouse was synonymous with underground music.

Then it fell on hard times, disappeared, and was reborn in the Noughties as a performing arts centre with comedy, dance, theatre, cabaret and all. The iTunes fest takes up residency in the summer, with Boston Irish bruisers Dropkick Murphys (below, Feb 10), Brooklyn pretty boys The Drums (Feb 27) and Band Of Skulls (Mar 6) playing in the meantime.

Camden’s hard rock home is a refuge for those shaggy of hair and leather of jacket. Leeds alt-rockers Pulled Apart by Horses (Feb 23); indiesurprises LOS CAMPESINOS! (Mar 22); party-rock knucklehead Andrew WK (Apr 12); and sonic asssaulters Sleigh Bells (Mar 1) take a bow here.

£20

Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH roundhouse.org.uk Chalk Farm

£8+

184 Camden High Street, NW1 8QP electricballroom.co.uk Camden Town

BARFLY CAMDEN CAMDEN The Killers, The Strokes and Muse took the stage here, so you never know – you could be seeing the arena stars of tomorrow. At one of six venues hosting the Next Big Thing tour, the eclectically weird Francois and The Atlas Mountains (Feb 3), sugar-bomb pop punk metallers Sonic Boom Six (above, Feb 9) and Brighton noisesmiths Eagulls all take to the stage this month. £5+

49 Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AN barflyclub.com Chalk Farm

BORDERLINE CHARING CROSS In the heart of London, just off Charing Cross Road, The Borderline is dripping with the sort of history that oozes from every brick of its build: from gobbing punks, through post-punk invention, and latterly the rise of Britpop, indie and beyond. Today, it is a shelter for up-and-coming acts keen to make a name for themselves and is a perfect roadstop for NBT. 2012 alumnis include Sweet Billy Pilgrim (Feb 6); DIYinfused precision of El Khatib (Feb 4); Lianne La Havas (she’s everywhere, you can’t help miss her – Feb 8); Emile Sando (Feb 9); hard rockers, with a hint of emo Young Guns (Feb 10); and Reading’s metalcore five-piece Exit Ten (Feb 11).

SHEPHERD’S BUSH EMPIRE SHEPHERD’S BUSH

XOYO OLD STREET Brooklyn’s Friends (Feb 8); Glasgow’s post-rock unconventionalists Errors (Feb 16); and hardcore purveyors Ceremony (Mar 20) hit this East End art and culture hub. £10+

32-37 Cowper St, EC2A 4AW xoyo.co.uk Old Street

£5+

THE GARAGE HIGHBURY This north London indie and rock home has seen but the very finest bands of today – Red Hot Chili Peppers, Radiohead, Moby – grace its stage over its 20-odd year career.

Electro-indie Hadouken! bring their latest hit, Oxygen, to the NBT tour (Feb 3), with synth-rocker and Stateside stars AWOLNATION (Feb 10) and garage rockers The Virginmarys tearing it up, too. Songstress Delilah takes things down a notch before the The Big Pink unload their catchy-chorus-laden latest long player, Future This, later in the month (Feb 20). £12+

20-22 Highbury Corner, N5 1RD venues.meanfiddler.com Highbury and Islington

10

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Orange Yard, W1D 4JB venues.meanfiddler.com Tottenham Court Road

A music hall since 1903 and live venue since 1991, the Empire plays host to established acts and fast-rising stars. Case in point: the next month has the likes of ozone-breaking ascender M83; emo-poppunk front-combers Angels and Airwaves; and Britpop survivors Lightning Seeds. £15+

Shep Bush Green, W12 8TT o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk Shepherd’s Bush

THE DOME GREENWICH The millenium abomination that became one of the world’s finest venues. Snow Patrol (Feb 10-12) and Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds take the stage soon. £25

SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

HEAVEN CHARING CROSS A club that now moonlights as a live music venue, Heaven attracts only the very top, hippest acts. Azealia Banks headlines (above, Feb 27); the fantastically named Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs rock out (Feb 16); and the ace emo-indie outfit WU LYF bring their notdiscernible bag of aural tricks to the club under the arches during the forthcoming eight weeks. £11+

Villiers Street, WC2N 6NG heaven-live.co.uk Embankment

CARGO OLD STREET

100 CLUB OXFORD STREET

East End hip pervades this classy venue, which even has a restaurant for those who like the roll to go with their rock. ‘Too cool for the mainstream’ and ‘fervant cult following’ typifies the bands that stop here, and it’s a regular for record release bashes, too. Scotrockers The Twilight Sad (Feb 14) and the energetic pop-punk-whatever Will And People (Feb 11) are up soon.

The oldest live music venue in the city, saved from closure by Paul McCartney, and key player in the Seventies punk scene, the 100 club has seen it all (Oasis, Sex Pistols) and lived to tell the tale. Guitar solo rock gods DragonForce (Feb 16); and indie new boys Spector (Mar 1 & 7) are set to keep the spirit alive.

£10

83 Rivington Street, EC2A 3AY cargo-london.com Old Street

£10+

BRIXTON ACADEMY BRIXTON One of the capital’s largest non-arena venues, the just shy of 5000-capacity Brixton Academy is steeped in history (and hosted numerous live albums) since it opened its doors as a live music venue in the early Eighties (first act – UB40, it’s moved on since then). Post-rockers Explosions in the Sky play Jan 27, bro-core upstart Skrillex drops in Feb 17 & 18, Justice (above) headlines Feb 10, with Two Door Cinema Club and Azealia Banks on Feb 25. £20+

SW9 9SL

o2academybrixton.co.uk

A live music legend; the birthplace of Madness and Blur and countless others; a fave haunt of the late Amy Winehouse; an indie rock institution; epicentre of May’s Camden Crawl – Dublin Castle is all of these. With four bands a night, there is always someone to check out, with wall-adorning posters of the venue’s biggest names reminding you of its prestigious history. A must-return-to for rising or established acts. The band here tonight could be the superstar of tomorrow.

Photos: Matt Barnes; Michael Buckner; Getty

£5+

94 Parkway, NW1 7AN thedublincastle.com Camden Town

Brixton Academy

KOKO CAMDEN

THE FORUM KENTISH TOWN

Deep breath: altrockers Feeder (Jan 31); alt-stars Nada Surf (Feb 8); Mercury ‘11 nominee Ghostpoet (left, Feb 15); Australia’s own The Jezabels (Feb 22); unfeasibily cool and eclectic The Duke Spirit (Mar 7); and dubstep debaser SBTRKT (Mar 1), whose self-titled debut was one of last year’s finest, and that’s just the next few weeks. No shortage of quality here.

This local venue’s laidback attitude, praised by DJs and critics, has won it many admirers.

The cheap (or free) entrance doesn’t hurt.

Formerly the Kentish Town Forum, now shorn of its localising precursor, the Forum is one of London’s longstanding live music homes and has been in operation for donkey’s years, or, more specificaly, since 1993. It’s seen its share of class – from straight-edge activisits Fugazi, Coldplay, and Deftones to current indie poster boys The Vaccines, and ‘Weird’ Al Yankovic.

Up next in the pantheon of history is a returning – and maybe no longer lumpridden – The Presidents Of The United States Of America (Mar 16); Portland acoustic indie stars and Zach Braff faves The Shins (above right, Mar 22); hip hop’s Talib Kweli (Mar 20); and Irish proto-punks Stiff Little Fingers (Mar 30).

22 Blenheim Gdns, SW2 5BZ windmillbrixton.co.uk Brixton

9-17 Highgate Road, NW5 1JY venues.meanfiddler.com Kentish Town

£10+

DUBLIN CASTLE CAMDEN

100 Oxford Street, W1D 1LL the100club.co.uk Tottenham Court Road

NW1 7JE koko.uk.com Mornington Crescent

WINDMILL BRIXTON £5+

JAZZ CAFE CAMDEN Camden outpost, with indie songsters Two Wounded Birds, Lucy Rose, soulful singer Jay James Picton, and The Boxettes among the NBT talent heading its way. £5+

7 Parkway, NW1 7PJ venues.meanfiddler.com/jazz Camden Town

£15+

SCALA KING’S CROSS A small club with impressive pedigree, the Scala is the musical jewel in King’s Cross’s crown, a regular for upcoming bands about to smash, and ‘secret’ gigs.

Upcoming shows include The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion (Mar 8); soul star and woman of the moment Lianne LaHavas (Mar 13); and US new-wave dancers Future Islands (Mar 6). £8+

275-277 Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL scala-london.co.uk King’s Cross

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11

MYLONDON

BROOKE SUPPLE SINGER/ SONGWRITER What baffles me about London is the lack of road rules, customer service and milk bars. Give me a BBQ chook shop with a milkshake to go, please!

London’s best-kept secret The Khas Tandoori on Chamberlayne Road, NW10. I have been going for eight years and it is undoubtedly the best, most affordable Indian restaurant in London. Even David Cameron thinks so!

When I want to chill out I go to my rooftop garden terrace in Putney.

I should start charging people to check out the view.

Fellow travellers and musical celebrities are the most interesting people I’ve met in London. They all have unique, interesting or shocking tales to tell. One is Howard Marshall in Camden. If anyone bumps into him, buy him a cider and take a seat.

Need to send money between UK and home?

As an Aussie, the thing I miss the most about home are my family and friends, the sea air, an outback starry night, the smell of freshly mowed grass and the eternal ‘sky space’.

My favourite place for a drink is a tough one, but a couple are The Castle, Battersea; and The Old Ship, on the Thames in Hammersmith.

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a Bloody Mary and a hearty pub meal.

Nothing gets me up in the morning – I am NOT a morning person.

asons Good re tforex: n t e s u o t

tes Great ra fees en bank No hidd ns ansactio tr er s st Fa e system use onlin nt to sy Ea complia lly fu d cure an Safe, se service er om led cust Unrival

My idea of a perfect weekend is a great market followed by drinks and dinner with friends, or a really great gig with my band, LEGS 11.

The biggest faux pas I’ve ever made was when I trod on this guy at a charity ball and swore as I was apologising. It was Prince William.

The last naughty thing I did was travel to Majorca to immerse myself in Spanish culture, only to have a one-night stand with an Australian!

Five words that sum up London ... transient, spontaneous, multicultural, historical and architecturally beautiful. brookesupple.com 12

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Chilled by day ... explosive by night

BAR THE SCENE Brixton is a nightlife mecca, what with its live music venues, clubbing destinations and pubs open ‘til generous hours located about the high street. But perched some distance away from it all, on Brixton Hill, The White Horse is harder to define. It’s got the atmosphere of a shabby, chilled-out pub, and by night, explodes into a dynamic mass of trendy-ish dancing punters when the DJ takes to the decks, usually spinning a mix of funk, hip hop and house. Large sofas are settled in the corners, tables fill the in-between spaces, and there’s a pool room at the back and a patio area at the front. The walls are cluttered with flyers, kitschy framed posters and black-and-white photos, pots of greenery are dotted about, and the ceiling is embellished with a sprawling floral arrangement.

THE GRUB The bar offers breakfasts to weary clubbers from midday. Otherwise, it serves up light bites, such as cheesy chips and baked camembert. The mains menu has all the food groups covered, serving fish and chips, burgers, pastas and lasagne.

BEHIND THE BAR There are a selection of largers and ales, including Deuchars IPA, on tap, and a long selection of wines.

BILL PLEASE Pints from £3.70; bottles of wine from £13; snacks £4; mains from £6.75.

VERDICT A fun place, with music other venues would charge a cover for. Just mind the odd shady character milling about outside. REBECCA KENT

94 Brixton Hill, SW2 1QN

whitehorsebrixton.com

3 OF THE BEST HEATED GARDENS

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Brixton

WINDSOR CASTLE

GARDEN GATE

EDINBORO CASTLE

Tucked behind this cosy, Kensington winter hideaway is a small, intimate beer garden with a convenient outside bar and plenty of seating among the ivy and central plane tree.

A friendly, local boozer on the doorstep of Hampstead Heath, with a covered dining area and outdoor bar.

Perfect after a walk on the heath or, more likely, a gruelling Tube journey.

This Camden institution is always buzzing, thanks to its outdoor seating for up to 300 people, its sheltered tables providing a respite for the trendiest of north London’s hipsters.

thewindsorcastlekensington.co.uk

thegardengatehampstead.co.uk

edinborocastlepub.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Bumpkin: a bit of country in the city

TRY COCONUT YOGHURT This new treat, dubbed ‘heaven in a mouthful’ is the latest, tastiest export from Australia. Made from coconut milk, COYO is free from any added sugar, lactose, dairy, gluten, soya and additives, which makes it an entirely digestible treat for those fussy with their food. The best bit is that coconut reportedly increases your metabolism, making COYO a dieter’s friend. Get it at Planet Organic stores and John Lewis food halls for £5.49. coyo.co.uk

NEW YEAR KOREAN STYLE Korean restaurant Kimchee in Holborn is celebrating the new lunar year with something extra for its guests.

Between February 6 and 12, diners will receive a complimentary pouch of Bureom, or mixed nuts. Good health comes to those who customarily crack the nuts with their teeth and throw them over the roof, shouting “Bureom, get out”. There will also be an opportunity to try Gwibalgi-sul, a wine that is said to improve your hearing, so you don’t miss any good news in 2012. kimchee.uk.com

MOVIE AND A MEAL Popcorn pick’n’mix not cutting it? Go to the new Odeon cinema at Whitelys and munch on hamburgers, risotto, and squid fritters, washed down with retro ice-cream sodas. The menu comes courtesy of superchef Rowley Leigh, who ensures that if the movie’s a dud, at least you can count on good food. odeon.co.uk

BUMPKIN BRITISH THE SCENE As Bumpkin is one of the restaurants at Westfield shopping centre, in Stratford, east London, it’s shiny and new, which slightly opposes its ethos as a rustic eatery. Inside, it’s like a summer fête, with flowers and chunky tumbler glasses on the tables and wooden crates and boxes dotted around the venue.

Diners can choose to eat al fresco – although the view isn’t the stunning English countryside, instead flashing LED screens enticing shoppers into the centre – or there are two levels of seating inside, with mismatched chairs and an open kitchen.

THE GRUB Authentic, seasonal British fare. We have to wait a while for our starters to arrive, and when they do, my stuffed baked Portobello mushroom with chestnuts and breadcrumbs, topped with Butler’s Cheddar cheese is nearly cold.

However, across the table, the Scottish mussels with a bacon and Somerset cider sauce goes down a treat – it’s an unusual combination of flavours which fuse perfectly. My main course makes up for the bumpy start. The Butler’s Cheddar and caramelised onion tart with baked tender leeks and roasted artichokes is delicious, the tanginess of the cheese complemented by the sweetness of the onions. My other half tries the sustainable fish pie with leeks and peas – there are generous chunks of fresh-tasting fish, with vibrantly fresh veg. The dessert menu boasts Victoria sponge; apple crumble with custard; and sticky toffee pudding. But we opt for an artisan cheeseboard, with delicious Blue Monday, Tunworth Soft and Kidderton Ash.

A fantastic selection of wines by the glass from around the world, and a decent range of British ales and lagers.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £5.50; mains from £11.95; desserts £5.95; pint of beer from £3.80; glass of wine from £3.95.

VERDICT The only grumble is the timing, but when they get it right, the food here is spot on, so it’s definitely worth a visit while out shopping. CAROL DRIVER BEHIND THE BAR

Westfield Stratford City, Stratford, E20 1EN

bumpkinuk.com

Stratford

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POSTIVE VIBES

SO IGNORANT

Ah well, the dream of a non-existent winter seems to be over with the news of snow and cold weather moving in during the next two weeks. We’ve had a good run of it over the past few months. But rather than sit around moaning about the onset of the cold, I hope everyone does what they came here to do and get travelling to somewhere warm, bringing back some positivity for those stuck in the cold.

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Look, former Australian cricketer Rodney Hogg was wrong to tweet about writing ‘allah’ in shit across an Australian flag in order to offend Muslims on Australia Day. But to call him ‘racist’, like many in the media and the blogosphere is hideously incorrect. Islam is a religion, not a race.

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POOR WARNEY Shane Warne was voted the most un-Australian bloke by one of those lads’ rags.

What a bunch of hooey. Just cos he wants to chill with Liz Hurley doesn’t mean he’s forgotten his roots. What’s more un-Australian was the embarrassing parade of ocker bogans stumbling round She Bu last week after Australia Day. What a disgrace. Grow up, people.

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Thierry Henry the only player to have a statue?

What about the one of Nani outside Fulham’s craven cottage?

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Who fancies a toastie? Roots Manuva hits the Roundhouse this week

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD “It’s a pretty epic tune,” Elbow singer Guy Harvey said last week of thir official Olympics song, First Steps, which will be unveiled in March. We hope, for their sake, and for that of the Olympics, too, this musical endeavour lives up to its billing. Novelty songs have often found favour when trotted out for sporting events. Baddiel and Skinner’s Three Lions is a footy classic but Embrace’s official 2006 World Cup song, World At Your Feet, was less successful and, admittedly, less catchy. Time’s counting down until we see how Elbow have done, and whether they’ve been able to funnel their Mercury-winning magic into a worthy song. The odds, and history (Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballé’s Barcelona was the last Olympic song to capture the imagination) are stacked against them, though. Let’s hope they – and we – don’t end up regretting their flag-waving decision come Games time.

ROOTS MANUVA The Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH SAT, FEB 4 | DOORS AT 7.30PM | £17.50

South London hip hop star Rodney Smith, aka Roots Manuva, has been plying his trade since the mid-Nineties, embracing his own individual sounds and influences and burning a trail down his own distinctive musical road. Latest album 4everevolution, a kaleidoscopic slab of confounding musical styles, has quite rightly found universal acclaim, and been touted by all and sundry as his finest work to date. Such plaudits should infuse this north London show with a triumphant air as it celebrates a true, homegrown talent.

Veering from straight-up hip hop to pop-skewed funk, from dub-driven and disco-flavoured beats to epic strings-backed soul ballads, complete with mournful choruses, Manuva’s latest is a truly astounding record. Traversing genres, fusing the old with the new, throwing a shitload of styles together into a heady musical broth, it’s by turns moving and humourous, wryly observed, challenging and, above all, an instantly rewarding record that demands repeat listens.

Since storming on to the scene with his ground-breaking debut Brand New Second Hand in 1999, Manuva has ascended the ranks from being a MOBOwinning newcomer once described as the ‘voice of urban Britain’ (a label thrown his way by The Times) to a bona fide British hip hop institution. His unique voice, his instinctive home-spun lyrics, complete with references to cheese on toast and none-more-British bitter, stand him apart from many of his US-aping contemporaries. This show should be a blast. roundhouse.org.uk

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NEW BAND

PAUL KELLY GIG FRI, FEB 3. 7PM £16

The Australian singer-songwriter, who’s been marrying his social conscience observations with catchy tunes for nearly 40 years now, brings his extensive back catalogue to this award-winning and intimate venue for a career-spanning show in support of his soon to be released Best Of compilation.

Photos: Jason Jones; Brendan Thorne, Pool

Union Chapel Compton Avenue, N1 2XD unionchapel.org Highbury and Islington

INNER RHYTHM

NO QUARTER

CLUB

CLUB

SUN, FEB 5. 6PM-1AM £5

TUES, JAN 23. 7PM-2AM £8

The perfect way to end the weekend – or start the week, depending on your point of view and commitment to the cause – this fortnightly house event features US former-BasementBoys-turned-solo-star DJ Spen (jetting in for this slot), alongside residents Phil Asher and Stuart Patterson.

Each week, a different special-guest curator pulls together DJs, acts and labelmates they like, making this ever-changing evening gloriously unpredictable. Tonight is spearheaded by indie five-piece Youth Imperial, with Hella Better Dancer, Ryan Keen and Roo Panes along for the musical ride.

East Village Club 89 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX eastvillageclub.co.uk Old Street

Notting Hill Arts Club 21 Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ nottinghillartsclub.com Notting Hill Gate

WILD FLAG

BITE

THE LONG COUNT

GIG

CLUB

GIG

WED, FEB 1. 8PM £12.50

MON, JAN 30. 10PM-3AM £5

THURS, FEB 2. 8.30PM £20-£25

With members from Sleater-Kinney, Helium and The Minders, Wild Flag are an alternative rock supergroup, in a sense – though they’d most likely grimace at the thought of being called such a thing. After a handful of dates at the end of 2011, they return to show the young upstarts how it should be done.

From Peaches to the Ramones via Madonna, Two Door Cinema Club and Crystal Castles, Bite’s musical raison d’etre is “to play good music”.

Eclectic to say the least, this indie-bred mash-up of post-punk, pop, and electro (mainly) is firmly about having fun. Leave your pretensions at the door and get dancing!

The idea of an audio-visual, music-meets-art multimedia show can seem a little pretentious.

However, this hasn’t deterred twins Bryce and Aaron Dessner, from alt-indie-stars The National, who team up with Matthew Ritchie, and his visual backdrops, for this unique three-night performance.

Electric Ballroom 184 Camden High St, NW1 8QP electricballroom.co.uk Camden Town

Miabella 12-13 Greek Street, Soho, W1A 4DJ bitebitebite.co.uk Leicester Square

The Barbican Centre Silk St, EC2Y 8DS barbican.org.uk Barbican

CAPITAL SUN THE BUZZ SO FAR There are two things that immediately hit you about Capital Sun: the first is their unabashed passion for music Sixties and Seventies in origin, a love evident in the psychedelic and classic rock influences running through debut single, Forgotten Songs. The second is singer-guitarist-frontman Glen Boden’s astounding voice, his lyrics nostalgically looking back to the time when a record deal and tour was all that bands aimed for, not the Twitter-instant acclaim of today.

THE CRITICS SAY “A carefully crafted first offering of which Birmingham should be proud.” Fit4Talent.com THE PLUG Forgotten Songs is out on Jan 30. Capital Sun play The Bedford in Balham on Feb 6.

77 Bedford Hill, SW12 9HD thebedford.co.uk Balham

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MONDAY 30 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

BOOK NOW!

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

7pm-late. £4, free before 9pm.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm.

Revolution Monday DJ Si Collard plays commercial dance, house, chart and R‘n’B. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm.

TUESDAY 31 Caribbean Renaissance Holiday Special Jb Crew, Lover’s T and Mellow Bostic spin reggae, rock and retro hits. Porky’s Wine Bar, Sternhold Ave, SW2 4PA (020 8671 3424).

10pm-late. £5, free before 11pm.

Forca Brasil DJ Fred spins salsa, samba and Latin tunes, plus live bands. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

Jamm Sandwich Eddie Pillar, Arthur Baker and Lascelle Gordon spin pop, hip-hop, R‘n’B and dance hits. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

6.30pm. £5, guestlist £3.

OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS £3.

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DJ YODA The Forum. Sat, May 19. £19.50 Nothing is too far-fetched, too irreverent, or too weird for Yoda, who brings his YouTube-clip-splicing, madcap audio-visual mash-up to town.

NW5 1JY

kentishtownforum.com

WEDNESDAY 1 The Boom Bap Mr Thing and residents Hudge and Shredded Pete supply hip-hop, old skool, breaks and B-Boy funk. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 7pm-1am. Free.

Cheapskates Old school hiphop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Clubbing London & Max Parties The resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). midnight-6am. £10.

Kentish Town

THURSDAY 2 Fuel Thursdays DJ Melody Kane spins house, funk, soul and urban beats. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-2am. £10, adv £5.

Latin Krazy DJs spin salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton, plus salsa dances lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

The Loft Lee Harris plays house, electronica, heavy disco and 1980s dance classics.

Mother Bar, Old St, EC1V 9LE (020 7739 5949). 8pm-3am. Free.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Macho City Resident DJs spin disco, pop and retro.

Joiners Arms, Hackney Rd, E2 7QL (020 7739 9397).

10pm-3am. £3, free before 11.30pm.

Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight.

Our Party Good Block DJs spin pop, punk, electro-funk, rock ‘n’ roll and disco. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. Free.

Fat Poppa Daddys Resident DJs spin hip-hop, funk, dubstep 1980s hits, indie and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

11pm-2am. £5, free before midnight.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins commercial dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040).

9pm-3am. £5, mems £3.

Girls-A-Loud DJs Coco Yeah and MDMX play pop, chart and electro.

The Candy Bar, Carlisle St, W1D 3BJ (020 7494 4041). 7pm-10pm. Free.

Madd Raff Wednesdays The Heatwave supply bashment and dancehall, plus a dance session with dancehall instructor Safwaan Shoshoni of Pineapple Studios. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

7pm-1am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

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Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 10pm.

SATURDAY 4 Breakin Science: Clash Of The Titans Drum ‘n’ bass, dubstep and house from Original Sin B2B Hazard, Drumsound B2B Bassline Smith, Brockie B2B Kane, Sub Zero B2B Taxman, Bryan Gee B2B Ruffstuff and more. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500).

10pm-7am. £20, adv £12.50.

Kings Of House DJs Gregory and Bucie spin house and techno.

Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 7482 3867). 10pm-4am. £15.

Kisstory DJs Justin Wilkes, EZ and residents spin dance, hip-hop, R‘n’B and 1990s hits, with live PAs from Dane Bowers and Shanie.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). 10pm-late. £16.50.

Cellar Door Resident DJs spin electro and house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Moh-Teef DJs Margaret Dygas, Voigtmann, J Nelson, Pete Glasspool and Leroy Roberts spin house and techno. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-5am. £12, adv £10.

Fabriclive Fake Blood, Boy 8 Bit, Ado, Ego Troopers and Bowski spin dubstep, drum ‘n’ bass and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

10pm-6am. £17, adv £16, NUS £10, £7 after 3am, adv £21 inc CD.

Ride DJ Filthy Few spins indie, electro, new wave, dubstep and disco, with a dance performance from Keem Martinez. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-2.30am. £10.

The Gallery Eddie Halliwell, Marcel Woods, Kryder, Tall Paul, So Called Scumbags, Matt Capone & Birdsy, Kot - o, Dirty Disco and Subbass spin house, electro, techno and trance. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £13, mems £10.

Shake Disco and pop from DJ John Osbourne and Paul C in the main room, while DJ Milo plays party anthems in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10pm-3.15am. £10, NUS/mems £8 before 11.30pm.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, electro, dance anthems, R‘n’B, hip-hop and commercial dance.

One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

SQ Music Hilton Caswell and residents spin electro, trance and house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Plex Anthony Shakir and A Made Up Sound spin techno, house and hip-hop. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10pm-7am. £12.

Rootikal David Rodigan, David Hill, Stuart Patterson, Mr Faso and Sweetie spin reggae and dub in the basement, while Prime Cuts, Si Kurrage and Mr Shiver play hip-hop, soul, funk and disco. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm3.30am. £8, £6 before 10pm, adv £5.

Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience.

Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pmmidnight. £10 inc skates, £7.50 w/own skates, NUS £6 inc skates.

Sin City Stevie C, Riyad, Tony Madball and Demonic play rock and metal in the main room, while Shuff and Vixen spin metal in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006).

10.30pm-3.30am. £7, w/flyer £5 before 11.30pm, mems £5 before midnight.

Thursdays DJ Johnny G spins Latin music, plus salsa dance lessons. Wessex House, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TN (020 7622 6818). 9pm-1am. £6.

Therapy Electro-pop and dance from DJs Miswhite, Paul Heron and Sonathaq. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-5am. £10, free before 11pm.

Vampiir Gothic rock and metal, classical and soundtrack themes from DJs Grimorg, Sephiroth Goff and Kaon.

Elixir Bar, Eversholt St, NW1 1BL (020 7383 0925). 7pm-midnight. Free.

White Light DJ Credo spins electro, drum ‘n’ bass and indie, with Comedy Of Errors.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). 7.30pm4am. £12.75, free after 11pm.

We Are One DJs Krisis and DJ Flex spin house, mashups, electro, dance anthems, party hits, R‘n’B, hip-hop and commercial dance. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

SUNDAY 5 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maximus, Lee Edwards and Roch-Mix-Hard spin house and techno. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136).

11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight.

Jaded Raymundo Rodriguez spins house and techno.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

5pm-1am. £12, concs £8.

Showtime DJ F-Sound spins house, electro, R‘n’B and dance anthems.

One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, adv £5, ladies free before 11.30pm.

TuneAge Garth Hill, Hilton Caswell, Dean Griffiths, Joe Street, Shaun Stilwell and Vesna & Scotty spin electro, house and trance.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

Photos: Getty

Short Back And Sides Dubstep, electro, indie and drum ‘n’ bass from resident DJs. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-2am. £5, free before 10.30pm.

FRIDAY 3 Cat Face Presents The BreakFast Club DJs and residents spin indie, dubstep and dancehall.

The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 8pm-late. £10, £3 w/cat mask or face paint

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MONDAY 30 Foe Electro-pop from the London-based artist. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £6.

Bruce Lok, Sans Wilfred, Gina Sykes Pop-rock from the London-based singer-songwriter, Mitchell Bruce. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10.

BOOK NOW!

The Long Count The National’s Aaron and Bryce Dessner collaborate with video artist Matthew Ritchie for a multimedia performance concerning a myth about the beginning of time.

Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £20-£25.

Genticorum, The Raven The Montreal-based three-piece plays energetic folk steeped in North American tradition.

The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £12.

Gym Class Heroes Alt hip-hop with indie and rock influences from Travie McCoy’s New Yorkbased outfit. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £14.

Eleanor McEvoy, Al Lewis, Peter Katz Pop-rock with folk influences from the Dublin-based singersongwriter. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.

Stephie Peeka And The Seeking 7, Russ Diaper Band Pop-rock band with members from London, Germany and Boston.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50.

Phoebe Killdeer & The Short Straws Alternative rock from the singer and group. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £12.50.

THE SHINS The Forum. Mar 22. £20 With their fourth album, Port Of Morrow, their first in four years, out March 19, the indie-popsters come to town for this one-off, oh-so-special show.

NW5 1JY

kentishtownforum.com

WEDNESDAY 1 Chilly Gonzales The Canadian songwriter-producer plays comedic alt-pop with electronica and hip-hop leanings. Soho Theatre, Dean St, W1D 3NE (020 7478 0100). £15-£17.50.

Kentish Town

Wild Flag, Peggy Sue Psychedelic indie-rock and post-punk from the American four-piece, featuring former members of SleaterKinney and Helium. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £13.50.

The Secret Sisters, Lucette The Alabama-based twopiece plays pop-tinted country.

Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £16.

The Fallen Leaves, Hot Hooves, Argonaut, The Tramadols Garage-influenced blues-rock by the London-based combo.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

Laura Veirs The American singer-songwriter plays folk from her album Tumble Bee. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £15-£17.50, concs £7.50-£8.75.

James Ferraro, Palmistry, Felix Lee Experimental and ambient electronica by the Californiabased musician-composer.

The Dome, Dartmouth Park Hill, N19 5QQ (020 7272 8153). £8.

BB Collective The eightpiece plays Motown, soul and funk. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

Fin Indie-rock by the Londonbased band. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £6.

Hugh Cornwell The singersongwriter and ex Stranglers frontman plays acoustic punk and rock. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £20.

Four Year Strong The American four-piece plays pop-punk and rock in support of the album In Some Way, Shape, Or Form. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £12.50.

Steve Cradock, Simon Townsend Pop-rock by the singer-guitarist of Ocean Colour Scene and Paul Weller’s band. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £15, adv £12.

King Lemon, Parkbench, Plastiq, Dharma Sunset Garage-rock multi-instrumentalist from London. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £7.

Finbar Furey, Keston Cobblers Club Irish folk from the Dublinbased singer-songwriter.

Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £17.50 & £22.50.

La Femme Retro lo-fi rock by the Paris-based band.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £8.

HMV Next Big Thing: Sound Of Guns, St Spirit, Fractures Alt rock by the Liverpool-based combo.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

Misfits, Juicehead, Naughty Whisper, Those Furious Flames Pioneer horror-punk band from New York. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

Jesca Hoop Alt pop singersongwriter from Manchester.

The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £12.

TUESDAY 31 The Bullitts Writer, producer and musician Jeymes Samuel leads his alt pop, electronica and hip-hop combo. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.

GZA, Micall Parknsun Hip-hop from Wu Tang Clan member Gary Grice. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

Lianne La Havas Soul and alt pop from the Londonbased singer-songwriter.

The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). £9.90.

Man Overboard Pop-punk from the American five-piece.

The Old Blue Last, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES (020 7739 7033). £7.

The Megaphonic Thrift Experimental psych-rock performed by the Norwegian fourpiece. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £6.

Lucy Rose Indie-pop from the London-based singer-songwriter.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £7.

Photos: Getty

FRIDAY 3 All Time Low Pop-punk from the Baltimore-based four-piece.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £18.50.

Jonathan Wilson Indie-folk from the California-based singersongwriter. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £12.50.

The Playmakers, Jack Garratt, Laurie Nicoll, Steven Bor The Cirencester-based three-piece plays post-punk and new wave.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £6.

Andy White Irish folk by the singer from Belfast. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £9.

THURSDAY 2 Azari & III The Toronto-based fourpiece plays electronica. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £12.50.

Nicholas Jaar, Acid Pauli, Soul Keita Electro, house and dance by the New York-based musician.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £12-£18.

King Creosote And Jon Hopkins The alt folk duo performs songs from its album Diamond Mine. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.50.

Biohazard, Heights, Lionheart, Dripback The Brooklyn-based hardcore and metal band performs songs from its album Reborn in Defiance.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £17.50.

The Effect, Spirit Rd, The Theme The London-based four-piece plays alternative rock. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.

HMV Next Big Thing: Bluey Robinson, Ava Leigh Alt pop and soul from the Londonbased singer-songwriter.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

HMV Next Big Thing: Eugene McGuinness, Francois & The Atlas Mountains, Trailer Trash Tracys Indie-pop from the Londonbased singer-songwriter. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

Paul Kelly Contemporary folk by the Australian singer-songwriter. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15.

The Loyalties, Viva Las Vegas, Death Valley Surfers Indiepunk by the London-based band. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £10.

Manteca, Martha Acosta Latin and salsa from the Colombian-based singer and band. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

Nine Below Zero The South London band play blues and R‘n’B. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £14.

Skinny Machines, Joanna Mcgowan, The Pins The Londonbased quartet plays alt rock. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £10, adv £6.

Soul Purpose Bruce Henry leads the ensemble for soul and funk. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

Bobby Valentino & The Musicians Swing and easy listening by the Londonbased singer and colleagues.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

SATURDAY 4 Argent, Martin Turner’s Wishbone Ash Rock from Rod Argent’s veteran outfit, known for hits including Hold Your Head Up and God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll To You. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £25.

Andrew Chalk & Timo Van Luijk, Jessika Kenney & Eyvind Kang Experimental music from the two-piece.Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £12, adv £10.

Edguy Power metal with a sense of humour by the band from Fulda, Germany. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.

Thea Gilmore Folk-rock from the Oxfordshire-based singersongwriter. Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £21, adv £18.50.

Roots Manuva The London-born rapper and producer performs hiphop and dub promoting his ninth studio album, 4everevolution.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £17.50.

Olly Murs, Lonsdale Boys Club The pop singer and 2009 X Factor finalist from Essex performs songs from his album In Case You Didn’t Know. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £33.

The Sounds Indie-rock by the band from Malmo. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £12.50.

Thin Lizzy, Clutch Classic rock from the veteran Dublin-based outfit featuring singer Ricky Warwick.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £29.50.

Gordon Webber’s Rd Runners The nine-piece big band plays soul and Motown. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm.

SUNDAY 5 HMV Next Big Thing: Marlon Roudette, Hollie Cook Alt pop singer-songwriter from London.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

HMV Next Big Thing: Yasmin, Sway Pop-soul by the Londonbased singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

Three Bonzos And A Piano Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band members perform a highly visual, pared down set featuring tunes from their back catalogue. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £16.

Ulcerate, Svart Crown, Dead Beyond Buried, Nexus Inferis, Unfathomable Ruination, Lvcifyre, Cythrual, Trifixion, Bloodworks, Seeds Of Detest The New Zealand-based band plays death metal. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). £14.

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Steve Hughes The Aussie heavy metaller-turned-stand-up on his musical influences, legalising weed and laughing from your balls INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

So what is the show Big Issues about?

It will be opinionated and hilarious! Some might call it controversial but that’s not its intention. I talk about god, because he is very misunderstood these days, and about satan and his associates, working in the economic matrix that has octopused around the world. And there’ll be a few cock jokes too!

How does Australian and UK humour differ?

It is not that different. Comedy is universal; all cultures laugh!

Are there differences across the UK? The north of England is more conservative than London, they think they’re more rowdy but they are more conservative. London is a big city where debauchery becomes acceptable. But I like making Australians laugh cos they laugh from their balls. They don’t pretend to laugh, they don’t chuckle – they fucking laugh! And if they don’t like it, then they don’t make a noise at all.

Do you get nights where the audience is quiet?

At some gigs you may not be getting as big a laugh as usual and you think ‘this crowd doesn’t like it’. Then you realise people in different places enjoy themselves differently. In New Zealand you think you are dying on your arse and then, at the end, they go, ‘that was the greatest!’

You toured with Reginald D. Hunter last year – how was it?

He’s very competitive. He is an American and an ex-high school footballer. He told me he liked the fact I am not particularly competitive, but that I was good enough for him to be competitive with.

What made you decide to settle in Manchester, rather than London?

I lived in London for a couple of years but it was always too expensive and small and crap and then someone said ‘you should check out Manchester’. In London, you live in a box, whereas in Manchester, I have a top-floor apartment in the city centre. I can live there and not feel far away from London – it’s only 180 miles – fuck all!

Smart cookie: Steve Hughes Is being a stand-up quite a solitary job?

A lot of people can’t be by themselves, but I can; I have shit to do – play guitar, the gym, write comedy, read books. I can sit around by myself, there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

How has your writing process changed?

You’ll hear comedians or artists say they wait for inspiration but that’s bullshit, inspiration comes when you start. Jimmy Carr writes a lot of jokes – do you think he sits around meditating, waiting for god to give him that shit?

Why change from music to comedy?

I had been in bands for years and I loved it, and they were fairly good bands – we made albums and stuff. It was totally my life. I began toying with comedy – it was a way to be creative.

I always loved comedy growing up – Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby records, and spoken word albums by Jello Biafra [The Dead Kennedys] and Henry Rollins. I wanted to get out of Australia and it is difficult to do that in bands, but comedy was something I could do alone.

Would you ever go back?

I ponder that all the time. In Australia there is no structure for comedy; the establishment is not interested in art. It’s all about sport and the outdoors lifestyle. But it’s not the people, because if you give it to them they

piss themselves. Australia is corporate-as-fuck and sport-orientated and doesn’t care about art because art requires internalised thinking about your nature, your culture and your existence. They live on stolen land marred with genocide, and they don’t want to bring that to the forefront of the consciousness because it’ll ruin their patriotic, sports-orientated, macho bullshit.

What do you listen to these days?

A lot of heavy metal. I was in the first thrash metal band in Australia [Slaughter Lord] in the Eighties, but I can listen to anything from full-blown, ugly, nihilistic black metal to Enya.

Anything is possible with music – it is the language of god!

Still think cannabis should be legalised?

Instead of just saying ‘yes, it should be legalised’, we should be asking: ‘Who the fuck said we couldn’t smoke it in the first place?’ It’s a plant that grows on the planet that I was born on, and somehow you have got the right to tell me, about a bush that you have no claim to, that I can’t go in there and put it in me!

Steve Hughes: Big Issues is on at Leicester Square Theatre Feb 3 & 4 and Apr 5 & 6.

6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX leicestersquaretheatre.com Leicester Square

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LONDONSCENE

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Youthful exuberance: Charlize Theron is the author with issues

YOUNG ADULT FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, Patrick Murphy | 15 | 93mins

MAN ON A LEDGE FILM STARRING: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell | 12A | 102mins

Part-time blue-skinned 3D-warrior Worthington stars in this routine but hugely enjoyable heist thriller as a man pushed to the edge, literally, who decides to walk out on to the ledge of a Manhattan skyscraper to prove his innocence in regards to a crime that landed him behind bars.

On general release from Feb 3

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The duo behind 2007’s Juno, screenwriter Diablo Cody and director Jason Reitman, re-team for this dark and wryly observed midlife crisis comedy-drama.

Theron is Mavis Gary, a borderline alcoholic and writer of a high school novel series who, after divorce hits her hard, heads back to her hometown to rekindle a romance with her teenage sweetheart Buddy (Patrick Wilson). The only problem here, though, is that Buddy is happily married with a young daughter. However, such inconvenience won’t stop Mavis on her quest to rewrite her own life story.

After following up Juno with the misfiring Jennifer’s Body, a horror-comedy that satisfied neither genre, Cody’s back on firmer ground here. Where Ellen Page’s Juno was an intellectual outsider, Mavis is from the opposite side of the high school divide – the prom queen whose life hasn’t panned out as expected, and being a writer looking to validate her (early Nineties alt-indie-soundtracked) life, it’s easy to see similarities with Cody’s career trajectory here too.

The script calls for Theron to reveal a lot, emotionally and physically, and she bravely throws herself in to the role, making Mavis equal parts empathetic, sympathetic and vile, loaded with a writer’s vicious tongue and an alkie’s self pity.

Cody’s pop culture dialogue is less pronounced, here, making Young Adult, despite its name, a more mature film, and Reitman, bringing a lightness of touch to the dark subject matter, ensures it emerges with the right balance of knowing smarts, kooky cool and lived-it insight, too.

GOOD FOR: Nineties indie nostalgists and those who like their comedy extra dark

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GIVE US A

THE HOOTENANY

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Featuring a traditionally flavoured combination of music, magic and comedy, this brandspanking variety-style evening runs the gamut of entertainment genres, and features atop its proudly diverse bill the why-have-you-not-seenthem-yet book-your-ticket-now comedy duo The Pajama Men.

Ha ha!

Adam Street Members CLub 9 Adam St, WC2N 6AA Feb 2. £8 adamstreet.co.uk Charing Cross

SENSE THE CITY: PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT

CONSTELLATIONS

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Part of the London Transport Museum’s Sense And The City exhibition, looking at technological advancements’ effect on how we experience London, this gallery hosts 50 shortlisted images, which capture the manic energy of the city and portray the activities that make it one of the world’s foremost metropolises.

Quantum mechanics and string theory are distilled into an amusing, touching sparring match in Nick Payne’s playfully clever twohander in which beekeeper Roland and cosmologist Marianne bump into each other, every encounter yielding a different outcome as their relationship develops – or doesn’t. LK

London Transport Museum C2E 7BB. Until March 18. £13.50 ltmuseum.co.uk Covent Garden

Royal Court Theatre SW1W 8AS. Until Feb 11. From £10 royalcourttheatre.com Sloane Sq

TERRY ALDERTON What’s your show all about?

It’s about everything and nothing.

The Voices (my alter egos, who comment on what’s happening in the show) are a main feature, as always, but now my shoes have started piping up, too!

Strangest reaction from an audience member? A drunk women told me I was crap and that she’d only come to listen to The Voices. She was asking why I kept getting in the way!

The weirdest gig you’ve ever done? Kids Space in Romford, Essex – it’s a children’s soft-play area.

Photos: Getty, Steve Ullathorne

Strangest question asked by a fan? Why do I have no hair?

MARTHA, MARCY, MAY, MARLENE

THE MADNESS OF KING GEORGE

FILM

THEATRE

This debut from writer-director Sean Durkin is a Sundance-praised drama-thriller (Durkin won the Best Director award for a drama at last year’s festival) about a young woman (played by Elizabeth ‘sister of Mary-Kate and Ashley’ Olsen) who struggles to adjust to normal life after escaping an abusive cult. Critics have praised Olsen’s gutsy, haunting performance.

David Haig is superb in Christopher Luscombe’s unmissable revival of Alan Bennett’s witty, wellinformed 1991 account of a king plagued by a bewildering array of symptoms that confounded the day’s leading physicians and led to a raft of futile treatments. Haig’s performance has ‘award-winning’ written all over it. LK

On general release from Feb 3

Apollo Theatre W1D 7ES. Until Mar 31. From £22.50 nimaxtheatres.com Piccadilly Circus

How does it feel to be The Sun’s top comedian of 2011? It’s nice but I can’t take it down the bank.

Best onstage moment? Eddie Izzard, Comedy Store in London.

He came on and impersonated me, and The Voices.

Bloomsbury Theatre, Sat, Feb 4. 8pm. £14.

15 Gordon St, WC1H 0AH thebloosmbury.com Euston

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US-meets-Australia: Simon Baker 28

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Making it in Hollywood Simon Baker may have settled in Hollywood, and have film roles and a hit TV show, but he isn’t about to forget his roots anytime soon WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

Simon Baker is a tad drowsy when he sits down for a chat.

It’s late morning and he’s nearing the end of a week of night shoots – up to 16 hours apiece – for his hit TV detective series, The Mentalist. It may be tiring, but as Baker, who was born in Tasmania but relocated to the California coast in the mid-Nineties, admits, the US has been good to him. “I miss Australia, the sheer natural beauty of it and the lust for life that Australians have,” he says. “But, for me, America has been the land of opportunity.”

Indeed. Since being Stateside, Baker has racked up a diverse CV that includes his debut screen role in Curtis Hanson’s critically lauded L.A. Confidential; zombie-king George Romero’s horror movie Land Of The Dead; a turn as Naomi Watts’ boss in The Ring Two; and chick flicks such as The Devil Wears Prada (“I had despicable eyebrows in that film so I always get comments about that!”).

It is his self-confessed work ethic though that has steered the 42-year-old through such a varied career, and which allowed him to squeeze in, during a gap in his hectic TV schedule, a role as investment bank top dog Jared Cohen in the Oscar-tipped Margin Call, a finance drama about the 24 hours preceding the start of the 2008 global financial crisis.

Baker signed on a little more than a week before the film began shooting, with the rest of the cast already in place: Zachary Quinto, Demi Moore, Stanley Tucci, Kevin Spacey (“there’s a richness and complexity to what he does ... one of my favourite actors to watch”), Paul Bettany (“a cracker of a guy”), and Brit Jeremy Irons, as the ruthless head of an investment bank whose decision to save himself and his company by selling a shitload of worthless assets kickstarts the recession we find ourselves in now.

The film is stocked with suited, investment banking types who talk solely in terms of numbers. Whether it be salaries, the firm’s assets and trading, or just the digits on their screen, the very fabric of everyday life is seen, and lived, through figures.

“I’m not much of a numbers guy myself,” Baker confesses, though. “But what I liked about the script is that it pulled the curtain back on something I had no real understanding of. Moving debt from here to there, it’s fucking complicated but the script simplified it in a way that made it feel more accessible for average humans like me.

“Who are the people making these decisions? How did

they get to there? In the end you realise it’s just gambling.”

Baker may not have a mathematical mind, but one number, 17, made sure he was able to get into character – that’s how many days made up the film’s intense shooting. The location, too, played a part: offices on the 42nd floor of One Penn Plaza – former home to a trading firm that was

“

I miss Australia, the sheer natural beauty

”

a player in the collapse itself – with its Manhattan panorama and offices for dressing rooms, made it easy for the cast to imagine the scene as the scale of the situation unfolded back in September 2008.

Even though the story’s fallout is global in its reach, Margin Call is tightly focused on those at its heart. “It isn’t a spectacle of a film,” Baker reasons, somewhat ››

Top dog: In Margin Call with Demi Moore and Paul Bettany TNTMAGAZINE.COM

29

Clockwise from top left: Baker in Land Of The Dead; with the late Dennis Hopper; at the ninth annual G’day USA black-tie gala with wife Rebecca Rigg; in The Mentalist, with Robin Tunney

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TV again because it is too gruelling,” Baker says. “Unless the show is a real hit you’re plugging away and hoping people are going to watch. Since then TV has exploded though with the networks producing their own content and it is much broader in scope now.

“Then The Mentalist came along. [Screenwriter] Bruno Heller was English, he had just done Rome, and he brought a different humour to all of the other US shows. Culturally Aussies and Brits share common ground with humour that a lot of Americans don’t get. So I thought ‘Fuck it, I’ll have a go’ and then the show took off.”

Despite being based in LA now, and holding dual citizenship, Baker is not going to forget his roots quickly.

It would be hard for he and wife Rebecca Rigg to do so – what with having fellow Aussies Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts as godparents to their two youngest children, Harry Friday, 10, and Claude Blue, 13. In fact, Baker relishes the often-opposing approaches to life, particularly the work-life balance, that his origins and current home throw up.

“I go back twice a year,” he says of his Pacific-traversing movements fuelled by a love for his homeland. “I keep a place there. Australia and the United States are not that far away from each other, but differences do manifest.

“It’s like, ‘Yeah, I can do that but I am going fishing tomorrow, maybe I can get to it next week, depending on what the surf is like…’. That can be difficult if you are used to the service-orientated ways of the US – but I like the contrast and I like pitting one against the other.” ❚ Margin Call is out now. Read our review and see the trailer at tntmagazine.com/margincall. The Mentalist screens on Thursday nights at 9pm on Channel 5

Photos: Walter Thompson, Frazer Arrison, Toby Canham

understatedly. “There is an intensity but it doesn’t talk down to you nor inflate what it is either into high-camp drama.

Nothing explodes, no one gets laid!”

Despite this modest assessment, with a cast full of previous Academy Award winners and nominees, Margin Call has been tipped for glory come the Oscars February bash. And at Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre will be a host of famous faces (Clooney, Pitt et al) who are among the highprofile supporters of Occupy, the grassroots movement that sprang up in opposition to the causes of the GFC. Baker is part of that group.

“What [Occupy] wants is for people to be accountable, there should be limitations and transparency, otherwise the rich get richer and the poor get the picture. Capitalism is going to have to have a governor,” he says.

“At the same time, I have been involved in a number of different rallies and there can sometimes be a romantic notion to it that can become pretentious and waffle away from the point, and people love to take pot shots at that.”

There’s nothing waffly or pretentious about Baker, though. He has no time for such indulgences: when he’s not starring with Hollywood’s heavyweights, he’s busy pumping out episodes of The Mentalist. Though detective shows are ten a penny in the States (Bones, CSI,) The Mentalist has proved a resounding success – it has made Baker a star and is now currently halfway through its fourth season, a fact attributed to its novel spin on the genre (Baker plays Patrick Jane, a man whose intuitive, verging-on-psychic skills make him a crack case-solving consultant for the California Bureau of Investigation) and its novel sensibilities.

“I did this show called The Guardian for three years and it was a middling success. I vowed after that never to do

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SPARETIME

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Monochrome hearts You’ll stay warm and look the bomb in this loved-up piece.

Navy pattern yoke knit This geometric number will keep you cosy and stylish until spring.

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THE VINTAGE KILO SALE

No longer will lovers of all things old have to buy overpriced vintage in shops. Glass Onion, Europe’s biggest vintage wholesaler, and Judy’s Affordable Vintage Fair are bringing London two rooms and 70 rails worth of cheap gems (weighing a grand total of three tonnes – now that’s a whole lot of retro). Hunters of second-hand goods can root through jumpers, jackets, denim, satin, spring pieces and accessories from the 1960s onwards, bundle it all into a bag and pay a super-reasonable £15 per kilo (that works out at about five items). And if you only see the one perfect find (though that’s unlikely), items are individually priced between £5£10, except leather jackets and coats, which start from a tenner.

Now that is super cheap, and rest assured: the hand-picked pieces are good quality one-offs.

Elbows out!

OPEN February 11, 11am-4pm COST £1 entry, then £15 per kilo thevintagekilo.co.uk 16-18 Heneage Street, E1 5LJ Aldgate East

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

JUKARI

FIT TO FLEX If you have ever seen the dramatic feats of the uber flexible, mindbendingly strong performers of Cirque du Soleil, what with their giddy acrobatics and graceful body manipulations, and wished that you had just an iota of their talent, look no futher. Jukari Fit to Flex class is a fun instructor-led class that draws from the spirit, artisty and flexibility of the French Canadian troupe to offer us mere mortals a chance to apply the same level of discipline and achieve their enviable, lithe physiques – well, as close as possible anyway. Designed

by Cirque du Soleil in conjunction with Reebok, the class requires the use of the patented light-weight elastic Jukari Band, which you hook around your feet or hands, and use to perform a series of unique moves designed to improve your core strength, and sculpt and lengthen your body. The class involves elements of Pilates, dance and yoga, set to Cirque du Soleil music, and is quite high-energy – you’ve got to be fit to be a trapeze artist after all. If that’s not convincing enough, Kelly Brook is the celebrity face behind the brand, and she’s fit.

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Run, Forrest!

Put in the prep early and the 26-mile London Marathon won’t be as gruelling as it sounds WORDS REBECCA KENT

Are you one of the more than 35,000 people signed up to run the Virgin London marathon on April 22? If so, advice from personal trainer, Sarah O’Neill, 31, could help you over the finish line.

Three months to go Now’s the time to get off your backside and start training if you haven’t already, aiming for four-to-six runs a week.

“Midweek, push your body with speedbased interval sessions, doing four to eight x 400m runs, with 30-to-60-second jog recoveries, and four to five fast miles with two-minute jog recoveries,” O’Neill says.

“Also, mix in hill sessions, running uphill for 30-60 seconds, then jogging slowly back down, plus one or two short five- or six-milers. This will improve your aerobic capacity.”

For consistency, run to work, and if you’re feeling fatigued, well: no pain, no gain.

“Running on tired legs helps you push

through the pain barrier that you will experience in a marathon,” O’Neill promises.

Steve Lewis, 37, from Essex, who ran the marathon in 2003, joined a running club to keep him motivated.

“I don’t think I could have done it any other way,” Lewis remembers. “We had a sports psychologist on hand and there was support and advice from other runners, plus there’s always someone to challenge.”

Two months to go By now, you should be getting up to your longest runs, gradually working your way up to 20-22 miles, but no more. Do four to five above 16 miles, spaced a week or two apart.

Also, cut down on proceessed food, and eat complex carbohydrates, such as pasta, for energy. Top up on fruit and veg to keep your immune system strong, and eat plenty of fish for essential fats.

Also, weave in two sessions a week of strength training. It will improve your

David Lloyd gym, Carterhatch Lane, Enfield, EN1 4LF davidlloyd.co.uk Southbury

Aloha: the marathon’s a breeze 34

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Itchy: there will be the odd pair of sweaty balls

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Sugar StripEase hair remover It’s just sugar and water! £9.99 boots.com

Electrifying: tired legs, smashing views technique, reduce muscular fatigue and can keep injuries at bay, says O’Neill.

“You basically need to make sure you have a strong back, abs and glutes, so do dynamic core training, plus squats and glute kicks. Stretching is also really important; a foam roller is particularly good for tight thighs. Try hot yoga, too.”

One month to go This is where you can advance your fitness to its highest-possible state. Look at doing your final long run, then do powerful hill sessions and focus on your interval training.

“You’ve got to give up on parties, and get yourself out of bed to run, but the commitment will pay off,” says Brent Connell, 33, who has finished four marathons.

“The feeling when you’ve completed a marathon is electrifying, addictive even.”

Two weeks to go The taper is really important. Reduce your

longest run down to 15 miles, then about 10 miles the weekend before the marathon, and do just a few short runs (three- to fourmilers) the week before the race. “You want your body to be absolutely gasping for a run on marathon day,” says O’Neill.

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Marathon day Have a carb-rich breakfast, such as porridge with honey, sip water right up to the start, break into a light sweat warming up, and go for it. “You’ll go through so many different emotions, but counsel yourself out of the low moments, get high off the crowd support and you shoud have a great experience,” says O’Neill.

Connell adds: “At the 20-mile mark, there was a big sign that said, ‘Pain today, memories forever’. That got me over the line.”

NEXT WEEK O’Neill offers marathon Proposing in personal training package. a leap year See sarahoneill.co.uk.

Richard Ward Season detox For product-sodden tresses £24.00 qvcuk.com

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: MICRODERMABRASION They call it the celebrities’ skincare secret, though we reckon it’s actually some cheeky nip and tuck. In any case, it’s worth trying to achieve the same young visages of Hollywood’s oldest stars, isn’t it? Microdermabrasion uses crystals and a vacuum to buff the top layers of the skin, increasing new collagen and elsastin fibres, and reducing open pores, blackheads, pigmentation and acne scars. It’ll take years off you. £43

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35

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Your time to shine: be part of Blighty’s big moment

Be in the Olympics You may have never been good at sport – but you can still be part of London’s event of the decade, and get paid for it WORDS CLARE VOOGHT If you’re looking for short-term work during the summer, forget signing up as an office temp. London 2012 is hiring 100,000 people to work in different roles to support the Games – and there are still jobs going. You could be a brand protection lawyer, part of the opening ceremony, or, if those don’t work out, get yourself employment as a cleaner.

Organising committee Responsible for all things logistical is the London 2012 Organising Committee (LOCOG). It sells tickets and makes sure all the venues are up to scratch. It also provides all the sports equipment.

There are pages of job ads on LOCOG’s recruitment website 36

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(locogrecruitment.london2012.com) – with exciting titles such as VIP co-ordinator (looks after important guests), athlete services group leader for table tennis (takes care of the team) and road race manager for spectator experience (makes sure people without tickets get to see parts of the road races).

Adonis Pierre, 24, from Leytonstone, East London, who works in the security department, says: “My favourite experience at LOCOG so far is the opportunity I’ve been given to meet so many different individuals.

“Before I started working here, I asked myself if I would be capable of being a part of such a big event and undertaking such a huge task.

I remember standing in the interview assessments room on the Olympic site

and looking down from the window of the 22nd floor, thinking that I might have the opportunity to be part of the greatest show on earth.”

Opening ceremony Like attention? You’ll probably want to be part of the biggest event – the opening ceremony.

The initial welcome is a chance for Blighty, with the help of Danny Boyle and his artistic team, to show the world what it’s made of. The opening ceremony is the biggest, but there’ll also be a closing one and a total of 805 victory celebrations across the UK to celebrate medal events. There are roles in the spectacles themselves, and support jobs in areas such as IT. Dan Shipton, 29 from Bow, East

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Even cleaning can get you in

ON THE JOB ALI HYNES CAREER Reflexologist AGE 22 LIVES Bethnal Green FROM Kent

The official Games volunteer uniforms

How did you get into your line of work? After pursuing a career in beauty writing, I decided I wanted to do something hands-on that could do people some good. This led me to study several holistic therapies, but I was drawn to reflexology after I saw its amazing effects.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Dab hands in the kitchen can cook for athletes London, is lucky enough WEIRD OLYMPIC JOBS venues looking shipto get backstage for the 1. Mascots: someone’s got to spend shape you might get to big moment, as props watch some events too. a month inside the Wenlock outfit. production manager There are also more 2. Bug catcher: nets insects if the for London 2012’s people-based roles, Games are held in hot countries. ceremonies. “It’s my like in retail – for 3. Support roles: responsibilities job to manage how assistants, supervisers include putting out hurdles and to achieve the prop and managers selling checking water temperature. ideas that Danny merch in shops near Boyle and the other 4. The falconer: uses birds of prey to the Olympic site. Or creative directors have scare away pigeons and other birds go for a steward role, come up with for their welcoming visitors from during the construction phase. ceremonies,” he says. around the world to 5. Olympic spy: MI5 is recruiting “The overwhelming the Games, and you’ll some extra pairs of eyes and ears thing that I have to be spending your shifts to support agents for the Games. remind myself about at the Olympic venues. is scale. The four Volunteer ceremonies [Olympics and Paralympics] are the biggest shows to have been If all else fails – or if you just want attempted in the UK; they are some of to get involved around your normal the biggest in the world.” job – volunteer. There are roles in management, welcoming and Services providing information to visitors.

London ambassadors are being If you don’t have skills relevant to the recruited by BoJo to provide a visitor positions in the organising committee, service around the city, and they’ll and don’t fancy the opening ceremony, get free food, drink and travel within there are various service and hospitality London for every shift jobs that’ll give you a glimpse of the they work. big sporting events.

Fourteen million meals will have NEXT WEEK For more info: to be cooked for athletes, visitors and spectators. And even the cleaning jobs london2012.

Working in Sydney, Australia let you have a sneak peek into the com/getGames – if you’re employed to keep the involved

What do you do day to day?

I work at Margaret Dabbs Sole Spa in Liberty, which is famous for talented podiatrists and medical pedicures. By being there I have learnt a lot about feet. I also see private clients, so there’s a lot of running around town.

What is the best part of your job?

It’s gratifying to see clients get hooked and to see how much they’re getting out of the treatment.

What’s the most challenging?

It can be quite physically demanding.

After a busy day, my hands can get extremely sore and stiff. I constantly have to do hand exercises to keep them in top condition.

HOW TO...

CONCENTRATE When it hits mid-afternoon and your mind starts to flag, follow our handy tips to keep focused.

• Cut yourself off – turn off

email alerts and only answer them at scheduled times. Get away from any noise if you can or put headphones/earplugs in.

• Eat better – fatty foods can

harm your concentration so have a light lunch.

• If you hit a wall, try a different way of working – brainstorm on paper to jog ideas, rather than staring at a screen.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

37

tntjobs.co.uk PPA EDUCATION LTD T: 020 7421 4999 www.ppaeducation.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Primary School Teacher Location: East London Salary: Upwards of £35k

PPA Education provides teaching and support staff to schools to schools across all ages In London and the surrounding areas.

PPA Education is looking for a confident and passionate qualified teacher to work in an outstanding school that is focussed on teaching and learning. Applicants must possess a teaching qualification.

James Murphy | 020 7421 4999 | james@ppaeducation.com

GALLOWGLASS T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

BERRY MARQUEES LTD T: 01784 471 410 www.berrymarquees.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew.

You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude.

CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Foremen or Riggers Location: London Salary: £7 - £ 10 ph + Bonuses

Berry Marquees Ltd lives by its motto ‘Excellence Above All Else’, providing the highest quality marquees to the events industry.

Have you got the experience with marquees needed to join our team? Check out our website and see the service we deliver. We have several full time positions available, and transport from Putney every morning.

TRADESMEN FOR LONDON

JOB OF THE WEEK: ACS Qualified Gas Engineer Location: London Salary: £32k per annun plus overtime

T: 020 7627 6710 www.tradesmenforlondon.com We are a reactive maintenance company who facilitates the delivery of a full range of property management services predominantly across London and the South East.

jim@berrymarquees.com | 01784 471 410

This is a reactive maintenance position which will require problem solving and installation works. Flexibility is essential as out of hours and weekend works will be involved. You will also require a full and clean driving licence.

Lena Wilkinson on 0207 627 6710 or email lena@tradesmen forlondon.co.uk

KEMPSFORD HOUSE HOTEL T: 07889 181554 www.kempsfordhousehotel.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Assistant Location: Harrow Salary: On request. To include live-in.

The Kempsford House Hotel is a family owned, superior B&B with many of the comforts of a more expensive establishment, with an ideal location 3 mins. from Harrow Town Centre / Tube & Bus Station.

Family hotel in Harrow, north west London, require a new team member, for Reception, House-Keeping and Breakfast service duties. Straight shifts. Live in. Own room. Some IT skills required, along with good English. Training will be given to the right candidate.

GINO HAIRDRESSING

JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Ladies and Gents Hairdresser Location: Bloomsbury / Russell Square Salary: On Application

T: 07956 461237 www.ginohairdressing.com One of central London’s most known and favoured hairdressing salons, EST.1995, featured in GQ magazine and the Independent.

GES CARE LTD

Philip Geary | 07889 181554 | philip.geary@btclick.com

Experienced ladies and gents hairdresser required ASAP. Must be strong in cutting,colour,customer service.

Excellent opportunity,friendly team,a great area and with this years Olympics, the press will be based here in Bloomsbury.

Please call Mel on : 07956461237

T: 020 8393 3544 www.gescare.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Hourly and Live In Carers Location: London South West Salary: £7.25 - £9.00 - Live In from £500 p/w

GES Care is a care agency that provides hourly and live in care to people In the London South West area.

We are looking for people to join our team in providing high quality care. Successful applicants will be reliable and willing to learn. Drivers preferred. Full training is provided if necessary. Work the hours that suit you.

Gill or Jane | 02083933544 | info@gescare.co.uk

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CASH-SAVING TIPS DISCREET DINING DEALS Xxxxxxxxx Take someone out for a slap-up meal this XXXXXXXXX Valentine’s Day, with 20Xxxxxxxxxxx 30 per cent at big-name restaurants including St XXXXXXXXX John Hotel, Galoupet, and Xxxxxxxxxxx Maze. The discount will be subtly added to the XXXXXXXXX bill, without needing a Xxxxxxxxxxx voucher, so your date will be none the wiser. Book XXXXXXXXX online at table7.com Xxxxxxxxxxx SAVE MORE THAN £150 Feeling the pinch thanks to last year’s energy price hike? Navetas Energy has some tips to help: shower for one minute less every day to save £36 a year; stop using a dishwasher to save £77; halve oven use and eat more salads to save £52. That’ll pay for a few nights out.

HOW YOU SPEND IT! make big vats of soup, walk or cycle to work whenever I can, clothes-swap with friends and make the most of free London exhibitions, shows and museums.

JEN HARVEY, 24 JOB Graduate planner/buyer FROM Reading LIVES South Kensington How do you budget?

I’m terrible at sitting down and ‘budgeting’ but I try to

Photos: Getty

Any money-saving tips?

Always take lunch into work,

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Drinking and going out… but I still see these as partly essential.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Cash for kids Before she was 48 hours old, Blue Ivy’s parents Beyonce and Jay-Z had reportedly spent $1.5m on designer toys for their daughter. Celebs just love to lavish their children

SAVE ON BEAUTY BUYS Skincare addicts can now get £20 of beauty products a month sent to their door for £10. Not only will you get the newest products from brands such as Ren, Neal’s Yard and Inika but you’ll be making a fat saving, and you won’t even have to leave the house. amarya.co.uk LITHUANIA /68 RIO CARNIVAL /74

pay off everything the week I get paid – rent, bills etc – and limit myself to the essentials, so if I do drink and shop I don’t feel so bad.

Last big blow-out?

An SLR camera and a winter coat – because every year I always get caught out by the cold and swear to myself that next year I’ll buy a practical mum-wouldapprove jacket.

❚ Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes splashed out £3200 on a private ice skating session at New York’s Rockefeller Center for their daughter Suri – paying for an entire area of the rink to be blocked off. ❚ For Harper Seven’s first

Beyonce loves to splurge

Christmas, Victoria and David Beckham spent £35,000 on six trees and glitzy baubles.

❚ Brad and Angelina spend a huge £6.5m a year on their six kids, which goes on nannies, tutors, chefs, private transportation, food and clothing. That’s more than £1m per child. ❚ But Gwen Stefani spent a comparatively modest £50 on a pair of tiny little green and brown cowboy boots for her son Zuma. Now, after three: awwww...

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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If you’ve fallen head over heels in love with London and never want to leave, then maybe it’s time to stop renting and secure your own place. It might seem like buying a home is harder than getting tickets for the Olympics, but there are a few nifty ways to get onto the housing ladder.

apartment in Canada Water through Affinity Sutton (affinitysutton.com) for £121,000.

Stet says: “I’ve been renting a property in Canada Water with friends for eight years and the monthly rental for my room, without bills, is £1000. The total monthly outgoings for my new home will be less.”

Shared ownership

Avoid stamp duty

“Shared ownership is funded by the government, for people who can’t afford to buy outright,” explains Richard Geary, sales manager at Notting Hill Housing (nottinghillhousing.org.uk), which offers schemes in areas such as Brixton, Southwark and Hackney. “The person buys a share, usually between 25-75 per cent. The part they don’t own, they rent. The rent is subsidised so would be lower than the rate they’d pay for a mortgage.”

The requirements are that you must be a first-time buyer and not earn more than £60,000. Eventually, people either buy the housing scheme out or use it as a stepping stone to full ownership elsewhere.

Deposits vary between the housing providers, but they usually start at five or ten per cent of the share you’re buying, so they can be as low as £4000. This means people with incomes from as little as £17,000 can get themselves on to the housing ladder.

As with all mortgages, the deposit you put down affects what you pay back, so it’s still better to smack down as much as you can.

Council worker Jarno Stet, 30, bought a 25 per cent share in a two-bedroom

Until 2010, stamp duty sapped a lot of extra cash from homebuyers. But right now, thanks to the “stamp duty holiday” set in place to help people buy homes, first-time buyers are exempt from the tax. This ends on March 24, 2012, so get in quick if you can. Visit direct.gov.uk for more details.

Fee-free mortgages Samantha Baden, property analyst at findaproperty.co.uk, says: “While it’s true that the stamp duty holiday for first-time buyers ends in March, getting on the ladder could still become more affordable in 2012,

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UP YOUR CHANCES You’re up to speed on how to get a slice of the property pie, now make sure the bank says yes. Schemes are open to people not born in the UK – as long as they can prove they’ll sustain home ownership in the long run.

Pay off any debts you have, then mortgage lenders will see you as a low-risk borrower.

Save your pennies – the bigger the deposit you put down, the cheaper your mortgage will be.

Getting on to the property ladder is easier than you think due to government lending initiatives and an increase in the number of fee free mortgages for first-time buyers.”

Banks that offer mortgages with no extra fees include Halifax, which pledges to save you up to £1000 in booking and completion fees. ING Direct, Nationwide and HSBC also offer fee-free mortgages. Watch out for higher rates and hidden charges when picking one.

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

FirstBuy

USEFUL SITES LLOYDSTSB.COM

Includes a handy first-time buyer’s guide to mortgages.

MORTGAGEADVICEBUREAU.COM

Up-to-date info on everything you need to know.

WHICH.CO.UK/MONEY

Has a property and mortgage section to help find the best deals.

Mates mortgages You’ve lived with your best buds, so why not go all the way and buy a house with them? If you’re sure you won’t bicker over repayments, then there are options that allow a number of friends to buy a home together – and sharing a deposit makes it much more manageable.

Britannia’s Share to Buy mortgage lets up to four people club together, taking everyone’s incomes into account. You can be friends, family members, married or unmarried couples, as long as you all live in the property, and the minimum deposit is 10 per cent. It’s also fee-free.

To cut down costs on UNBIASED.CO.UK/MORTGAGES buying a home, FirstBuy For help with finding an adviser. is a good way to combat sky-high property prices, 100 per cent mortgages and covers newly built homes. The government scheme lets you Last year, Aldermore bank relaunched the own an entire property but only pay for 100 per cent mortgage, allowing people to 80 per cent. It’s available to first-time buyers buy houses without putting down a cash earning less than £60,000 a year and only deposit. Buyers need to prove they can pay requires a five per cent deposit. The extra back the entire amount borrowed and they 20 per cent will be covered by an equity also need a relative to act as a guarantor. loan from the government and the company This might work for some that built the home, which they get back people, especially when you sell up. Companies like Berkeley as you won’t be NEXT WEEK and Barratt London offer FirstBuy schemes throwing away on properties across the city. To find out money in rent, but Spotlight on more about the scheme and how to apply, it does cost more Camden visit firstbuyscheme.org.uk. in the long term.

Get your records in order – if your bank statements and pay slips are all up to date, you’ll appeal much more to a mortgage lender.

Get on the electoral role – this helps confirm your identity and address history and it may improve your credit score.

Don’t just apply to everyone.

Lenders can see when you’ve applied for a mortgage before and can wonder why you keep being refused.

Be realistic with your budgeting – it’s tempting to stretch to a fancier area, but this could leave you stuck for cash in the long run.

Having indefinite leave to remain in the UK is a big help – without this it’s harder to prove that you can sustain long-term ownership – but it won’t always be a deciding factor.

Apply before you change jobs – if you have been at your job for less than a year, your chances of getting bank backing could drop.

If you’re thinking of applying for a 0 per cent balance transfer credit card, wait until you’ve got your mortgage. They can impact on your credit score.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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WORLDVIEW

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Not serious: squirrel news anchor

PUPPET ANCHORS REPORT TRIAL UNITED STATES A Cleveland television station has enlisted Sesame Street-style puppets to report a high-profile corruption trial, using a talking squirrel reporter to recap the day’s events.

The trial of former commissioner Jimmy Dimora, on charges of bribery and racketeering, is packed with salacious details and is front-page news in the city.

“It’s a satirical look at the trial and, again, I think we have it appropriately placed at the end of the newscast,” the station’s news director, Dan Salamone, said. “It’s not intended in any way to replace any of the serious coverage.”

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @simonpegg If you do get into a fight, just say “Liam Neeson” as you throw a punch, your mittens will catch fire and your enemy’s life will fall off. @ConanOBrien According to a new study, talking after having sex is just as important as sex. I’m just glad listening isn’t important. @stephenfry Fear not: it’s merely unfortunate to attempt to correct grammar when a) you’re wrong & b) your tweet itself is ungrammatical.

POLE DANCERS READY FOR MAYORAL FIGHT ITALY Two porn stars are vying to become mayor of Taranto and have agreed to go head-to-head in a pole-dancing contest to impress voters.

Amandha Fox and Luana Borgia plan to speak about election issues as well, but it seems that the pole-dancing is more likely to attract an audience.

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All fun and games: Manufacturers and retailers from around the world packed into London’s Olympia centre for the annual Toy Fair. Is there not something slightly unsettling about the 8ft-tall Bananas In Pyjamas? Look at their fixed smiles, which don’t touch their blank, vacant eyes. That’s not fun. That’s repressed childhood trauma

“I want voters to see the real me,” said Fox, whose credits include the soft-porn flick, Emotions.

And, of course, in the interests of balance, the agent promoting the evening extended a kind invitation to other candidates: “We want to be fair so we would like to invite any other candidate to come along and dance too.”

SPIDERS GO TO WORK ON CANE TOADS AUSTRALIA Australia’s cane toad problem is welldocumented but it appears that hungry tarantulas could be the solution.

Large native spiders, like the Australian tarantula and the wolf spider, have been observed preying on cane toads, leading experts to credit them for keeping their numbers down across North Queensland.

“The toad had jumped near the entrance to the spider’s burrow at night, and the spider just launched out and grabbed it and took it down into the burrow, like a scene out of a movie,” Queensland Museum spider expert Dr Robert Raven said.

Cane toads were first introduced to Australia in 1935, in an attempt to control the native cane beetle.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 650

Age of an Asian elephant at an Amersterdam zoo who became the first in Europe to be fitted with a contact lens

That would ruin your holiday

CRASH TEST DUMMIES MAIMED BY NEW RIDE UNITED KINGDOM A new £20m ride at Thorpe Park has been booked in for urgent refurbishments after crash test dummies returned with missing limbs.

After being sent on the new Swarm rollercoaster, which promises to leave thrillseekers “exposed and vulnerable to the extreme near misses and gut-wrenching inversions as it rips through the sky on its mission of complete annihilation”, some dummies were left without arms or legs.

“We have been planning for The Swarm for almost two years now, and we’ve pushed the boundaries to the absolute limit because ‘extreme’ is what our thrill-seeking customers demand,” park director Mike Vallis said.

HISSING ROACHES ARE THE GREATEST GIFT

Photos: Getty

UNITED STATES If you’re stuck for original ideas for Valentine’s Day, why not pay to have a Madagascan hissing cockroach named after your beloved?

New York’s Bronx Zoo is offering the chance to supply a moniker for one of its 58,000 cockroaches at just £7 as an unparalleled Valentine’s Day surprise for that someone special. It surely doesn’t get any more romantic than that.

“You know, we always talk about ‘love is forever’. Well, there’s one thing that’s definitely forever, and that’s roaches.

Roaches have been around for millions of years. They play an important role in our ecosystem,” zoo spokesman John Calvelli said. “Flowers wilt, roaches are forever.”

Pounds bid on eBay for four-and-a-half rolls of loo paper with Moby Dick typed in its entirety on them

260,000

Cost, in pounds, of damage caused by a London bus driver who swerved at children who made fun of his weight

Amount, in pounds, Brazilian bank robbers were hoping to steal when one accidentally shot himself in the foot

Let slip the surly bonds of Earth

LEGO MAN EXPLORES THE FINAL FRONTIER CANADA Two Toronto teenagers launched a Lego man 80,000ft into space with four cameras to record its amazing journey.

Mathew Ho and Asad Muhammad, both 17, used a weather balloon ordered online and a makeshift styrofoam spacecraft to send the plastic astronaut 15 miles into the stratosphere. Footage shows the Lego man holding a Canadian flag, with the curvature of the Earth and the blackness of space in the background.

The students fitted a box tethered to the balloon with four cameras and a cellphone enabled with a GPS device to capture the journey. They then added a nylon parachute, stitched on Muhammad’s mother’s sewing machine, to ensure the Lego man would return to Earth safely, touching down in a field 75 miles from the launch point.

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11,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK There are some cities that are made for the world, not just the country they are in, and London is definitely one off them m George Clooney is going all-out to get some free tickets to this year’s Olympics

h s i l g n E h c TeCaombine travel & work

Language School

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} You could be in Eastern Europe, Italy, Spain, Costa Rica or Japan teaching English in a classroom, privately one-to-one, or even online.

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CLARE VOOGHT clare.vooght@tntmagazine.com

Timeline: seven days to clean up your life history

Kick Facebook to the kerb, you’ll come crawling back

Photos: Getty

The online privacy debate strikes again as Timeline is made mandatory

Our rocky, co-dependent relationship with Facebook has finally reached breaking point. The site has served us with an ultimatum: you have seven days to expose your life history, or we’ll do it for you. Brutal. We thought it was going so well.

The advent of Facebook’s wincingly nostalgic, story-of-your-life Timeline feature has set the “social media is ruining our lives” moaners off again. But they’re the same people who spend their evenings liking things such as: “Kevin Jones had a really nice kebab. Yum.” We are all guilty of being part of generation overshare.

Of course, it’s more than a little bit creepy that Facebook wants to show the world what we’ve been up to since we joined (which, for a lot of us, covers our entire adult lives). What’s worse is that we have until Thursday to get rid of anything we don’t want people to see. Now hang on, this is all getting a little bit intense. Surely we can talk about this. We’re just not ready for this kind of commitment. But Facebook won’t take no for an answer. It wants us to share.

So, left with no choice in the matter, we probably will. Because we’re addicted.

Hopelessly in love with the all-knowing and all-controlling monster. But, just like anyone in a bad relationship, we do have a choice: we could just leave Facebook.

Cue audible gasp: “But it’s such a good way of keeping in touch with people (without actually having to speak to them) and it lets us vet love interests (and unleash our stalkerish tendencies at the same time).” There is the small matter that Facebook has always shared our personal information to a degree that – when people think about it – makes us uneasy. And Timeline is going to make this worse.

But that’s how Facebook has always been, and always will be. So either accept it’ll never change, get a backbone and leave, or just suck it up, embrace the imminent overshare and stop moaning (because, in reality, we all know you’ll stay). » Are you ready to break up with Facebook yet? letters@tntmagazine.com

WHY NOT CASH IN ON DIET PILLS? Jersey Shore star Snooki’s new trim frame has caused a stir. Once a curvy lass who trogged around in chavvy clothes, the 24-year-old has dropped a few dress sizes and started wearing (slightly) better clothes. Brilliant. Let’s congratulate her.

But no, apparently that’s not appropriate.

We must be angry at her for endorsing a diet pill as the secret behind her svelte new figure. Boo! Get off our screens and hang your head in shame, Snooki, you evil diet-drug pusher.

“

A diet pill is legal.

It’s hardly crack.

”

But is she the one forcing people to use it? The legal pill, a mix of caffeine (its most active ingredient), guarana, green tea and yerba mate (a South American antioxidant tea) called Zantrex-3, is hardly crack. We all know diet pills aren’t that good for you, but nor are fizzy drinks, and Pepsi use celeb endorsements all the time.

But all that aside, who wants to copy someone off Jersey Shore anyway?

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Glamour that runs skin deep A new film casts an unflattering light on the modelling industry WORDS TOM STURROCK

The first scenes of Girl Model, a new documentary exploring the questionable ethics of the modelling industry, take place in a casting call in Siberia, where hundreds of rakishly thin teenage girls are being scouted and ruthlessly critiqued.

One’s hips are too big. Another has pimple problems.

Another, who is 16, looks, in the words of the scout, “at least 25 already”. Finally, 13-year-old Nadya is picked from the crowd, signed up to a contract and sent to Tokyo to work, casting her into an adult world shown to be as exploitative as it is distorted, as predatory as it is morally bankrupt.

For co-director Ashley Sabin, the experience of filming forced her to confront some uncomfortable questions, which translate to the screen, about the way the modelling industry is regulated, about whether it does enough to protect its underage workers – an issue certain to be on the agenda as London Fashion Week approaches.

“It’s definitely bleak – it’s a business run by adults and that means there’s a bottom line,” Sabin says. “But they’re dealing with young girls, 14, 15 years old, and when you add that to the mix, it can appear very cold. And it’s very cyclical – if one girl doesn’t work out, there are many more in line; if one girls moves on, there will be someone else waiting.”

Nadya, of course, is promised work, guaranteed that she will be earning almost from the point she steps off the plane.

The reality is far different – she is already in debt to her agency and, under the constant threat of being sent home should she gain any weight, is left to fend for herself. It is a miserable existence, shorn of illusions. There are no fabulous parties, no designer clothes. She is bonded labour.

“When you see it close-up, it’s not very glamorous at all,” Sabin says. “Still, young girls will look up to models and the fashion industry because of all the tropes about what those worlds embody.”

Although Girl Model tries to avoid imposing explicit judgements of the adults in charge, they do an excellent 46

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job of outing themselves as people whose compasses have stopped working. In one particularly baffling scene, Tigran Khachatrian, the powerful president of an agency, while rifling through photos of 12-year-old models, speaks of “trying to save all these young girls” as a “religious matter”.

“To have a good effect of education,” Khachatrian explains, “we sometimes take them to the morgue and show them young girls or boys who took drugs and passed away.

That has an everlasting effect. If the model is still too hardheaded, we have the autopsy done in front of them.”

“

The models live in fear of their agencies

”

Rachel Blais, a Canadian-born, London-based model, who has been working for nearly 10 years, having lived in New York, Paris, Milan and Tokyo, insists much of the ethically skewed behaviour shown in Girl Model persists throughout the industry, regardless of timezone. “Those things can happen anywhere, although London is a market that’s probably a bit more protected,” Blais says. “Something needs to change – you have kids thrust into this world of adults and there’s no regulation in the industry. If you’re 18, at least you’re a bit more yourself by that age, and you have a better sense of where boundaries are.”

Blais, 26, argues minors should simply not be employed as models and be left alone until they have finished school. That, she acknowledges, would be too great a sacrifice to be borne by an industry that fetishises youth – in the words of one scout in Girl Model, the Japanese market “likes skinny girls who look pre-pubescent”.

Photos: Getty; Girl Model

Clockwise: a casting call from Girl Model; Ashley Sabin during filming; Nadya prepares to leave for Tokyo

“It’s easier for the industry to use young girls because they can do whatever they want with them,” Blais says. “When you’re young, you don’t even know your rights exist. When you’re 15 or 16, that focus on how you look and whether you’re working becomes overwhelming.”

Blais had her own experience of industry pressure. After being scouted on the street, she began, at age 16, travelling for work; at age 18, her agency tried to persuade her to have liposuction, even enlisting her mother in an attempt to persuade her. “I kept saying no to different requests and then your agency starts to make suggestions – it’s never said straight out – like, ‘maybe you should think about hanging out with some photographers’, or ‘is there anything we can do to help you lose weight?’.

“It’s always underneath, like they’d call up and say: ‘You’re OK with doing topless, right?’ So you feel bound to say yes.

The girls are so young. They live in fear of their agencies.”

And, for every model who ends up fabulously wealthy, there are untold hundreds who, by their mid-twenties, are left on the shelf, having abandoned their education for an industry that has defaulted on its promise of fame and fortune. Blais insists that, to survive, models must recognise everything around them as illusory and fleeting.

“Even the girls who appear in Vogue don’t make that much money,” Blais says. “You have to pay for everything; you have to pay for your own flights, for your own book.

And if you complain too much, you stop working.

“I don’t know how girls can protect themselves, aside from thinking about their futures outside the industry. You need to be on top of everything but without sharing it because it makes people nervous. The industry sells these girls a dream and then that dream collapses.”

Girl Model opens at selected cinemas on February 10. London Fashion Week runs from February 17-22, with several smaller shows held in the lead-up

MODEL BEHAVIOUR CATWALK OR PICKETLINE? To be fair, London Fashion Week is one of the more ethically sound – regulations forbid using models younger than 15 – but Blais insists the industry still needs to do more to encourage models to join unions.

“Agencies say to all the new girls who come in, ‘oh, you’ll be a supermodel and make millions’,” Blais (above) says. “So if you try to talk to them about joining a union and being protected, they don’t listen.”

A models union exists, of course, just as there is Equity for actors but, according to Blais, it is undermined, rather than endorsed, by the industry’s powerbrokers, who make all the rules.

“It needs the support from agencies, from clients,” she says. “It’s not enough for them to just say they are behind it but to actually help start it up and advertise Equity for models. It needs the backing of the big people in the industry.”

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47

SPORTNEWS

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Surprise: George Bailey

BAILEY REPLACES WHITE AS T20 SKIPPER CRICKET Cameron White was unceremoniously dumped as Australia’s T20 captain for this week’s fixtures against India, Tasmanian George Bailey installed as his replacement.

Bailey has a modest domestic record himself but chairman of selectors John Inverarity suggested the 29-year-old was picked for his captaincy rather than his run-scoring. “He is widely respected and regarded as an outstanding captain,” Inverarity said.

“Meticulous preparation then needs to be accompanied by cool split-second decision-making throughout the 120 events when the team is in the field.

A captain can have a most significant impact on a game, even if he does not bowl or get to the crease.”

CIPRIANI ON THE OUTER AT REBELS RUGBY UNION Reports out of Melbourne suggest English recruit Danny Cipriani has outstayed his welcome at the Melbourne Rebels, sources at the Super 15 club indicating they would be happy for him to leave immediately.

Furthermore, The Age has reported that the Rebels are preparing a lucrative bid for the services of rugby league star Cooper Cronk, who plays for Melbourne Storm in the NRL. Cronk grew up playing union and, as a teenager, was earmarked as a future Test player but was instead persuaded to try his hand at league, and was snapped up by Melbourne.

The Rebels have already had a busy off-season, having recruited Wallabies backs James O’Connor and Kurtley Beale.

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Watch out for the sandtrap: Luke Donald drives from among the 250ft-high sand dunes in Abu Dhabi’s Liwa Desert, ahead of the HSBC Golf Championship. Doesn’t look like there’s any sprinkler system on that fairway. They do have some funny ideas out that way. Qatar, for example, think it’s perfectly sensible to stage a World Cup in the desert

BOGUT OUT OF ACTION BIG tomorrow’s the dayFOR of reckoning where WEEK ...

AFTER TURNING ANKLE I go under the MRI machine and BASKETBALL Australian NBA star Andrew Bogut has had a stack of injury setbacks during his career and the Milwaukee Bucks centre suffered another dose of bad luck, rolling his ankle against Houston.

Bogut left the court and wore a protective boot after the game and walked out of the locker room on crutches.

“I’m not going to speculate,” Bogut said, “but it feels really sore and pretty painful. It’s pretty swollen, the usual when you do an ankle.

“I knew when I came down I was in trouble. Keeping optimistic, everything’s fine with the X-ray, but that’s to be expected. I know I didn’t break a bone.”

Australia find out are my meant fate.’ to be rebuilding, right?

Well, no one told Brad Hogg, who, at age 40, has been called into Australia’s T20 squad.

Hogg’s tricky chinaman bowling made him the firstchoice spinner in Australia’s victorious 2003 and 2007 World Cup campaigns, but he hasn’t played at international level for nearly four years. He’s been in good form in the domestic T20 comp, though, so might get another opportunity.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Ishant and me both came together and started saying stuff to them. They got really pissed with that Indian batsman Virat Kohli waited until the series was lost before standing up to the Australian bowlers. Chickenhawk

Tom Brady has a charmed life

PREVIEW Brady chasing fourth Super Bowl title SUPER BOWL: NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS V NEW YORK GIANTS SUNDAY 10.30PM SKY SPORTS 1 As American lives go, very few are as charmed as Tom Brady’s, and the NFL’s top earner will be gunning for a fourth Super Bowl ring when he leads the New England Patriots against the New York Giants.

Brady, 34, has been the cornerstone of one of the great dynasties of modern American sport, the Patriots winning the Super Bowl in 2002, 2004 and 2005 – they

lost to the Giants in 2008 after going undefeated all season until the decider.

Should the Patriots win – and they have been significantly better-performed this season, Brady will become the outright leader for all-time playoff wins by a quarterback – he is currently tied with Joe Montana, giving some indication of the remarkable success achieved by a player who was drafted way down at 199th, before leading the Patriots to glory in his rookie season.

In 2009, Brady married supermodel Giselle Bundchen; the next year, he signed a four-year deal worth £46m. #Winning.

THE CHAT | Liverpool target League Cup

They gave me three today – tickets – and one police officer says he wants to hit me and it’s not a good feeling Rising star Bernard Tomic didn’t see eyeto-eye with police officers who busted him for hooning in his orange BMW

Hopefully they stop trying to be an Orwellian organisation and get to grips with the change that’s happening in the world around them Queen’s Park Rangers captain Joey Barton slams the FA, which has told him to stop predicting match results on Twitter

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET Gerrard and his mates did brilliantly to Q Steven beat Manchester City over two legs to qualify for the final on February 26, but isn’t the League Cup a bit Mickey Mouse?

It is. Generally, it is only taken seriously by middling A Yes. clubs for whom it represents their only chance to win something. Manchester United went back-to-back in 2009-10 but it was a footnote compared to their performances in the Premier League and in Europe. Equally, when Tottenham won it in 2008, back when they were still a bit of a joke, it was brandished as proof that they were a serious outfit again. It was nonsense. Interestingly, though, Liverpool’s Craig Bellamy will be facing his hometown club, Cardiff City, in the final.

Pakistan v England The third Test starts in Dubai Friday 5.30am, Sky Sports 1

CRICKET Australia v India India must bounce back in the ODIs Sunday 3am, Sky Sports 3

FOOTBALL Chelsea v Manchester United Bittersweet: Craig Bellamy

United can’t afford to drop more points Sunday 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

Manchester City have gone all out with transfers and player wages

Uefa talks tough but will big clubs play by their new rules?

Fair play regulations fly in the face of fooball’s acquisitive culture

» Should loss-posting clubs be punished? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Last week, Roger Federer was eliminated from the Australian Open

by Rafael Nadal. Federer is 30 and, given the quality of his younger rivals, his chances to win another major may have been exhausted.

Federer’s problem is that Nadal has his number. The 2007 Wimbledon final was the last time Federer beat Nadal in a major and, since the start of 2008, the pair have met 13 times in all tournaments, the Spaniard prevailing on 10 occasions.

It is a record that prompts some analysts to question Federer’s greatness.

The 16 Grand Slams are one thing and his dominance from 2004 through 2007 is

“

Federer’s problem: Nadal has his number

”

unequalled but if Nadal has the wood on him, can he really be the greatest?

The answer is that it is more than sheer weight of victories that defines Federer’s greatness – it is the fact he has played and won with a style that will never be emulated, and has elevated the sport more than any other player.

Photos: Getty

A recent audit of football clubs’ balance sheets reinforces the need for Europe’s governing body to demand greater fiscal accountability, but do they have the bottle to come down hard on the richest, most poweful clubs?

In the financial year 2009-10, 665 clubs across Europe’s 53 competitions posted combined losses of £1.3bn and reported debts exceding £7bn. And that was despite incomes rising – it is, point-blank, an indication that clubs are over-spending, most egregiously when it comes to transfers and wages.

Manchester City are the most jarring example of this profligacy – in the second year after Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed al-Nahyan took over the club’s affairs, City posted a loss of £121m. It is obscene and unsustainable. And, beginning this year, Uefa plans to force clubs to tighten their belts, limiting losses to £38m per financial year between now and 2013. From then, clubs continuing to haemorrhage funds will face sanctions which, ultimately, could result in being barred from Europe. For an owner like Roman Abramovich, for whom the Champions League is the Holy Grail, being forced to sit on the naughty step while other clubs compete in Europe’s top competiton would be unpalatable.

There will be two major tests – two proving grounds – of the muscle behind these new rules. Firstly, will the threat of being closely audited truly compel aspirational clubs to curtail their spending? One need only look across the channel, where Paris Saint-Germain are prepared to splash the cash in a bid to join football’s top table, to see that clubs are unlikely to accept that their ambitions are tethered with tightened purse-strings. Secondly, if a rich club – Manchester City or Chelsea or whichever other club is ‘lucky’ enough to be bought by a wealthy benefactor – will Uefa have the stomach to pull the trigger?

It would be an extreme step to kick one of Europe’s best clubs out of the Champions League but, ultimately, if Uefa is serious about reforming the culture of irresponsible spending, it is one they must be palpably willing to take.

FEDERER COOKED BUT STILL GREATEST

Is Valentine’s Day looming with no prospect of a hot date?

Don’t fear, our courageous blogger Coni – of single girl in London fame – is here to help.

!

E T A D T O WIN A H

; and it could be you!

ader reed to date a TNT re ag s ha ni Co r ge og Our single girl bl

If Coni chooses you as her date, the pair of you will spend an evening in London’s mega swanky Grand Imperial restaurant in the Grosvenor, eating a complimentary threecourse meal in the private dining room, drinking champagne and (hopefully) revelling in each other’s delightful company.

Private Dining Room

Coni looking hot!!

Here’s what Coni says: “Guys I usually date are quick witted, a bit of a challenge and can keep up with my ridiculously talkative nature.

If you’ve read my blog you’ll know I don’t take myself seriously and I’m looking for a guy with the same attitude.”

SOUND LIKE YOU? Tell me why you think we’d get along and where you’d take me if we ever make it to a second date. And try to throw a compliment or two in there, flattery will get you everywhere.”

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO...

To win, simlpy sign up to my.tntmagazine. com then write a blog post outlining why you think you’re the one.

Good Luck

MAGAZINE.COM

Closing date for blog entries: February 3. The date will take place before February 8.

Your picture and a story about the date will appear in TNT magazine, so be prepared to get famous!

New cycle, old rivals For sides licking their World Cup wounds, the Six Nations is a chance to bounce back WORDS TOM STURROCK

The World Cup has come and gone, levelling every side’s ambition, bringing their planning back to square one. It is in that context that this year’s Six Nations tournament begins this weekend, pitting the northern hemisphere’s top rugby nations against one another. And, given the fall-out from the World Cup, given the reassessments and recriminations and subsequent recharted courses, this year’s throwdown looms as being particularly unpredictable. Indeed, BBC pundit and former British and Irish Lions stalwart Keith Wood is hoping the tournament will be memorable for the break-out efforts of new stars.

“I’m looking forward to some positive refereeing and seeing some young guys emerge. It’s the start of a new four-year cycle, so it’s a great time to see what the key elements are going to be going forward,” he says. “Maybe there will be some young guys who didn’t quite get to the World Cup or who didn’t play much and now they’re given an opportunity and just deliver. I’m really looking forward to seeing how George North goes on the wing for Wales or Conor Murray at No 9 for Ireland.”

As for a prediction, Wood, after running the rule over all six sides, nominates France, led by inspirational skipper Thierry Dusautoir (main image), as favourites, provided they come to play, while also giving Ireland a vote of confidence.

“You look at the teams that have been relatively stable and I think that France, if they can get their act together, are favourites,” he says. “Ireland, though, still have a strong core of experienced players that went well at the World Cup and have performed well since in the Heineken Cup.”

England England were left more battered and bruised by the World Cup than any other side. They played horrible rugby throughout, unravelled off-field and were eliminated by the first decent side they played. Wood, unsurprisingly, doesn’t 52

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give them a prayer. “They performed badly in the World Cup and have had a radical overhaul since,” he says. “They’ll struggle – I haven’t seen a lot of great performances from English players recently. They need to make changes, but it becomes very hard if you chop everyone – it’s hard to bring new guys through because young guys need time.”

France Marc Lièvremont has been replaced as coach by Phillipe Saint-Andre, and although a new coach would normally diminish expectations, France have enough raw talent to take it in their stride. In fact, Wood believes the change will bring rewards. “Hopefully they get back to playing with some flair, with that dose of pragmatism – they could be phenomenal,” he says. “I was bewildered through the tenure of Marc Lièvremont – his selections and the decisions he made and the way he made them play. To see them come so close to winning a World Cup, losing by just one point, shook my foundations in rugby.”

Ireland Ireland promised plenty at the World Cup before coming up disappointingly short against Wales. Wood, though, has been encouraged by the performances of the Irish sides in the Heineken Cup and believes the men in green have the game plan and hardness to bounce back. “I think they know how to play and how to win games. A lot of players were dropped after the World Cup but I think a lot of them have come back and played well for their provinces,” Wood says. “The fact that the two biggest games, against England and France, are played away will make it tougher.”

Italy The perennial cellar-dwellers – they’ve won eight of 60 games played in this tournament – are undoubtedly improving,

Clockwise: Welsh star George North; Keith Wood in his heyday; Conor Murray could emerge for Ireland

and Wood believes upset victories will become increasingly regular, starting, perhaps, with England this year. “I think they will be a really tricky game for England, over there on the second weekend, and you can bet they will be targeting that fixture,” he says. “There’s no point writing Italy off forever because, at some point, they’ll start to beat these teams. They beat France last year and their wins tend to be at home. I think Mick Mallett has done a really good job as coach – they’ve become quite professional.”

Hendon Rugby New Players Wanted

Scotland Most years, Scotland manage to bloody someone’s nose by playing a dour, tight-fisted style of rugby, but they’ve never managed to truly propel themselves into the hunt. Wood expects the pattern to continue, insisting Scotland’s lack of variety and polish limits their ambition. “They’re a side that has improved but they’re not going to set the world alight,” he says. “They’ve got some handling issues that let them down. If they decide to throw it around, they make mistakes and come undone pretty quickly, but if they play a certain way, grinding it out, then they can maybe cause an upset.”

Wales The Welsh were the feel-good story of the World Cup, overcoming a dire run of injuries to make the semi-final, where they were desperately unfortunate to be beaten by France. Wood, although admiring Wales’ achievement, isn’t sure their momentum will carry through, given their history of running hot and cold. “They’ll be a Grand Slam winner one year and then struggle the next,” he says. ”You just don’t know which Wales will show up.”

The BBC will televise every match live, beginning on Saturday, with France v Italy from 2.30pm, followed by Scotland v England at 5pm, before Ireland v Wales on Sunday at 2.30pm

Come and Join us at Hendon RFC and be part of a club with 80 years worth of history. At Hendon we believe that Rugby is all about 3 key things:

TRAINING HARD, PLAYING HARD AND PARTYING HARD! ●

● ●

●

We are always looking for new players for our 1st & 2nd teams. Our first XV contests in Herts/Middlesex 1 & the 2nd XV competes in Merit table 3.

We have a young & motivated 1st XV with a progressive new coach.

Our 2nd XV has a bigger emphasis on the post match celebrations as well as playing on a Saturday so would suit those keen on playing social rugby.

We are now are looking to move the club forward and require new players to assist us in achieving these goals.

Micky Harber - Director of Rugby on 07957 294767 or Brian O’Regan - Club Captain on 07795 290 290

www.hendonrfc.com TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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HAPPY AUSSIE DAY! Beachgoers ride the surf on inflatable thongs ahead of the Havaianas Thong Challenge World Record attempt, as Aussies celebrate Australia Day at Bondi Beach. Australia Day is the official national day of the country, and commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet to Sydney in 1788.

Photos: Britainonview, Getty

INSIDE

BEYOND BAGPIPES /60

EASTERN PROMISE/68

RIO CARNIVAL /74

The Scottish capital of Edinburgh is a heaving tourist haunt, but there are still a few secret spots left. We show you where.

Lithuania’s capital Vilnius, and second city Kaunas, harbour rich histories – taking in vodka by royal decree, the KGB and bohemia.

It’s the craziest shindig you’re ever likely to score an invite to. So how to make sure you have the time of your life? Simple. Read this.

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55

TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

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Devotion at Malaysia’s Hindu festival

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

TNT IN TROUBLE “Shame upon @tntmagazine for promoting #tourism to occupied #Tibet.” Seems lobbying group Tibettruth wasn’t too impressed with our Tibet travel feature last week, and took to Twitter to denounce us.

The organisation’s anger poses an interesting question: how far should the politics of a place determine whether you deign to visit?

I don’t think anyone would try to deny that Chinese oppression of Tibet is anything short of horrifying.

(Well, apart from the Chinese.) And the terrible truth of the matter is that most – if not all – of your tourist dollars will fill the pockets of the brutal government that has claimed Tibet for itself.

But is there something to be said for seeing this with your own eyes?

For meeting the Tibetan people who have, as we said in our feature, kept their country “defiantly Tibetan” in spite of the “heavy hand of the Chinese”? For confronting the difficult truths of life here, as well as exploring what remains good: the unique spirituality of the people; experiencing the roof of the world?

I have always thought that travel is about trying to understand a world outside the confines of your own.

But regardless, does it make sense to boycott tourism in certain countries?

If we’re going to rule out Tibet, shouldn’t we also rule out China?

Should we have also refused to holiday in the US after Guantanamo?

Must we cross Malaysia off our list because the government keeps trying to imprison the opposition on invented charges of sodomy?

If we were to screen all destinations in terms of politics, I fear there’d be few places left to go.

Ultimately, it’s a matter of the traveller’s personal choice.

Isn’t it about time we had one of those festivals during which people skewer themselves with spikes and hooks, and we wince at the 7 pictures with an eye half-shut and say “oof”? Well, as luck would have it, there’s one coming up just outside of Kuala Lumpur. And it’s particularly nastylooking, too, with cages of spikes and tridents included.

FEB

WHY: This Hindu festival marks the day when Lord Shiva’s son, Murugan, was given a lance to destroy three demons. Some of the faithful carry pots of milk attached to their skin with hooks; others carry huge cages of spikes that pierce their skin, decorated prettily with feathers and flowers.

GROUNDHOG DAY

Punxsutawney, US

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tourism.gov.my

INTERNATIONAL ICE AND SNOW FESTIVAL Haerbin, China

It’s Groundhog Day, which can only mean one thing 2 – Bill Murray must embark on a personality 360 if he’s going to shag Andie MacDowell, the greatest actress of our time. (Note: there is some sarcasm afoot.) Oh wait, that’s not right ... seems it’s actually something to do with a furry fella, a shadow, and the weather forecast.

FEB

groundhog.org

FORT WORTH STOCK SHOW

The Heilongjiang province has one of the coldest 15 climates in Asia, which makes it the perfect destination for an impressive array of ice sculptures – Beijing’s Forbidden City has featured in the past, as has a Great Wall of China that apparently doubled as an ice slide.

Amazing. Find the best works of art in Zhaolin Park and Sun Island Park.

UNTIL FEB

chinaholidays.com

CARNAVAL DE QUÉBEC

Texas, US

Québec City, Canada

Check out the world’s first indoor rodeo for some 4 buckin’ bronco action. You’ll need to order tickets in advance.

Parades, snow rafting, ice slides and dance parties in 12 the powder are all part of the world’s biggest winter carnival.

UNTIL FEB

fwssr.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: You have a strong stomach, and are fascinated by the claim that these walking kebabs feel no pain – apparently, they are too deep into their trance-like state to feel anything. Still, doctors are on hand for the ill-prepared.

UNTIL FEB

carnaval.qc.ca/en

Photos: Getty

What do you think? Let me know on laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

THAIPUSAM Batu Caves, Malaysia

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CONCORDIA FOR SALE An Australian has put the Costa Concordia up for auction on eBay. The ad, which was promptly removed by the site, said: “For sale, one cruise ship, slight damage to right-hand hull, mainly cosmetic.” The seller also warned of “some water damage to the interior”. The joke ad also said the ship had one “careful owner”. eBay said the advert, which attracted bids to a total of $1008.88, was inappropriate. “eBay does not permit listings that attempt to profit from human tragedy or suffering,” a spokesperson said. In related news, Costa Cruises has denied offering cruise discounts to the survivors of the tragedy, as was reported in a newspaper last week.

MICHELIN WHISKY Scotland is to introduce a Michelin-style grading system for bars serving Scotch whisky. The star scheme would recognise Scottish bars where staff have been trained to explain the difference between whiskies and make recommendations.

Victor Brierley, who masterminded the scheme, said: “There are some excellent whisky bars and a lot of knowledge in some places ... [but some] premises will have sommeliers who can talk about champagne and wine until it’s coming out of their ears, but shockingly, they often don’t know the first thing about whisky.”

TICKET TO TRIPOLI British Airways will resume flights to Libya as of May 1, after suspending services to Tripoli last February when civil war broke out. Keith Williams, chief executive of the airline, said: “We are delighted to be returning to Libya. Our flights to Tripoli have provided a vital economic link for many years, and it is good news for everyone that we can now restart operations.”

However, the Foreign Office still advises against all but essential travel to Tripoli, meaning you’d have to be one hell of an adventurous traveller to take advantage of BA’s relaunched flights.

WE LOVE BORIS ISLAND Plans for the so-called ‘Boris Island’ are supported by the majority of Brits, according to a new poll by sunshine.co.uk. After surveying almost 1000 UK adults, results showed 67 per cent of people were “in favour” of it, while just 23 per cent were “opposed”. The proposals include an airport built in the middle of the Thames Estuary, and have received strong backing from the London mayor. If built, the airport would become Britain’s main international transport hub, handling 150 million passengers a year – more than double the capacity at Heathrow.

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Find a city that most tourists don’t see ...

Secret Edinburgh

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP SCOTLAND

SCOTLAND

The volunteer-run Mosque Kitchen, originally set up to serve its congregation, offers amazing home-cooked curries from £3. (mosquekitchen.com)

EDINBURGH

Jaaaaazz! Nice.

GETTING THERE Train tickets from London King’s Cross to Edinburgh start from about £60 one-way. (eastcoast.co.uk)

Smart City Hostel

A secret worth knowing is the excellent tapas diner El Bar. The food is seriously tasty and the portions are large and good value. It fills up quickly at weekends, so book ahead. (albaflamenca.co.uk/elbar.html) The Brass Monkey’s big selling point is a room made up entirely of mattresses and cushions, where you can sprawl out and watch daily DVD film screenings at 3pm. (14 Drummond Street, 0131 5561961) ‘The Swedish four’ – Boda, Sofi’s, Victoria, and Joseph Pearce’s – in Leith, all owned by a Swedish entrepreneurial couple, have become much-loved drinking dens for locals and hipsters alike, due to the shabby-chic Nordic style and excellent moose sausage. (bodabar.com) Industrial-chic boutique hostel Art Roch has a laidback, arty vibe. Dorm beds from £10pn; doubles from £55pn. (artrochhostel.com)

Shop in Stockbridge 60

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The Water of Leith

Stylish Smart City Hostel offers rooms from £50pn. (smartcityhostels.com)

UKTRIP

Beyond bagpipes The Scottish capital is a heaving tourist haunt, but there are still a few secret spots left WORDS SIRI ELISE DYBDAL

Edinburgh may be world famous for its beautiful castle and love of a wee dram, but there’s much more to the Scottish capital than tartan and bagpipes. We show you the city’s best-kept secrets, still bypassed by most tourists.

Cycle along the Water of Leith Below the hustle and bustle of the city, surrounded by leafy trees, the Water of Leith river snakes its way from the Pentland Hills to the Leith shore. Here, otters can be spotted lunching on brown trout by the riverbank, while herons and kingfishers rest on the rocks. The riverside path is a favourite getaway for local walkers and cyclists, and takes you under majestic stone bridges, past historic sites, and through ancient woodland. You can choose to join it and leave it wherever suits. One scenic route starts off in Roseburn, with a detour to the excellent Scottish Gallery of Modern Art, via picturesque Dean Village, finishing with a drink in a Stockbridge bar. (waterofleith.org.uk)

Photos: iconphotography.co.uk, Paul Tomkins/VisitScotland/Scottish Viewpoint, Thinkstock

Drink in a sailor’s pub After the regeneration of Edinbugh’s sketchy harbour area, a wide range of new and cutting-edge bars have cropped up in Leith. But at the Port O’ Leith bar, nothing much has changed for 30 years, which is why the pub is still loved by seafarers and locals alike. This Leith institution, where Irvine Welsh, of Trainspotting fame, was once a regular, is a real sailors’ pub, complete with ship flags on the roof, and a display of banknotes from around the globe. The scruffy, but charming, tavern oozes character, draws an interesting mix of people and has cheap beer. We guarantee that you will never be lonely here – nor will you be sober when you leave ...

(Port O’ Leith Bar, 50 Constitution Street, 0131 5557019) Second-hand shopping in Stockbridge The cobbled streets of Stockbridge are lined with independent shops selling everything from gramophones to handbags, as well as tempting delis, quirky cafés and a great assortment of charity stores. Although this slightly upmarket neighbourhood is only a 15-minute walk from the centre, it has a laidback village-feel, with a bohemian edge. There’s a wide variety of charity outlets spread along Raeburn Place and St Stephen Street, selling a mix of clothes and household

items. There are also a few specialist charity book and music shops worth a serious browse. Real bargains – from designer clothes to unique artefacts – are often found.

Every Sunday, there’s also a market offering delicious foods, crafts, vintage clothes and more. (stockbridgemarket.com; edinburgh-stockbridge.com) The other Edinburgh festivals As the host of one of the most famous festivals in the world, Edinburgh knows how to put on a cracking event.

The Edinburgh International Festival, held in August, draws hordes of visitors. But there are also many less well known festivals worth seeking out: • Being home to cinemas such as the Cameo and Filmhouse, which show a unique mix of art-house and indie movies, it’s no wonder that the Edinburgh Film Festival in June offers such a brilliant selection of flicks. (edfilmfest.org.uk) • The Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival in July is the warmup to the capital’s August festival season. It’s best enjoyed, pint in hand, at an outdoor concert in the Grassmarket on a sunny afternoon. (edinburghjazzfestival.com) • For those who prefer something a little more low key, the beer festival at Scotland’s oldest pub, the Sheep Heid Inn, at Easter, offers 75 types of beer and cider, live music and an award-winning barbie. (edinburghfestivals.co.uk; sheepheid. co.uk).

Picnic at Cramond beach Cramond, a 20-minute bus ride from Edinburgh’s city centre (No. 41 Lothian bus), still retains the feel of a sleepy fishing village, complete with a quaint row of pretty, whitewashed houses facing the sailboats moored at the river mouth.

A promenade, popular among cyclists, walkers and rollerbladers, follows the wide sandy beach for miles.

The splendid views of the Firth of Forth and the hills of Fife also make it an ideal spot for a picnic. At low tide, you can cross the causeway to Cramond NEXT WEEK Island, but keep an eye on the The UK’s very best tides, as the sea comes in fast and vintage breaks people occasionally get stuck. (britishbeaches.info). ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Sail Croatia with Travel Talk for £369pp

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A nine-day tour of Egypt is £164pp with Topdeck (topdeck.travel).

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EASTERN EUROPE A seven-day, one-way trip from Budapest to Prague is £362pp with Topdeck (topdeck.travel). Includes some meals, accommodation, and sightseeing tours. Departs February 22 and March 7.

LAS VEGAS A four-night trip is £495pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference LASLONPAC15.

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SAIL CROATIA An eight-day Sail Split-Dubrovnik-Split tour is £369pp (+ FREE Egypt or take 50 per cent off) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com).

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MOROCCO A 10-day tour is £619pp (+ FREE Egypt or take 25 per cent off) with Travel Talk (020 80998852; traveltalktours.com).

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ZANZIBAR A seven-night trip to Zanzibar is £819pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

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MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

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EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.49 New Zealand dollar 1.93 South African rand 12.52 Polish złoty 5.17 Euro 1.2 US dollar 1.57 Canadian dollar 1.58 Hong Kong dollar 12.08 Swedish krona 10.63 Swiss franc 1.45 Singapore dollar 1.98 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

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BRUGES A two-night trip is £159pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting ref BRULONVD1. Includes three-star, B&B accomodation and return travel. Book by February 15; valid for travel between March 1-31.

ALGARVE A seven-night trip is £129pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights.

Departs February 22.

AMSTERDAM A three-day tour of Amsterdam and Bruges is £189pp with Anderson Tours (020 7436 9304; andersontours.co.uk).

Includes return coach and ferry travel, two nights’ B&B, sightseeing. Departs February 3 and 24.

TENERIFE A seven-night trip is £175pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference TFSLONPAC5.

Includes three-star accommodation and return flights. Book by February 15; valid for travel May 4-11.

ANZAC A four-day Anzac tour is £169pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (020 80998852; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Istanbul, Gallipoli, Anzac Cove, Dawn Service, Australian and New Zealand national ceremonies, and more. Includes three-star accommodation, guides, commemorative T-shirt and more.

Excludes flights. Book by February 12; departs April 23.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Shooting straight We have all had the urge to slightly tilt our camera, thinking, ‘This is going to look amazing’.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but nine times out of 10 it fails miserably. You don’t view the world by putting your head slightly to one side do you? So why would you think a photograph will look good in this way? It is also very

RUNNER-UP

distracting, and takes away from what is the main subject of your image. Your brain is programmed to know what should be straight, and I personally find it unsettling looking at a wonky image. If you look at both images on this page, neither would have been as good if the photographer had decided to shoot crooked.

WINNER SUNSET PLAYGROUND Grant Slabber, Cape Town, South Africa

WHY IT WORKS What great, soft light in this image. The impact of that hazy colour creates a soothing, rustic, emotional response. The sun being behind the subjects has silhouetted the boat. Time of day will always have huge impact on the tone of any photograph – early morning or dusk are great times to capture that special lighting.

RUNNER-UP GEYSER AT SUNSET James Martin, Carshalton, south London

WHY IT WORKS The clear, straight horizon lines of this image bring structure. The wide approach to this shot has given us a view of the whole scene and lets us into the bigger picture. We are all guilty of cropping in too tightly at times – negative space can be very pleasant, and the symmetry of this image has brought a bewitching balance.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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63

TOP FIVE

1

FILM FESTIVAL CITIES

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CANNES, FRANCE

The Golden Globes have gone by and the Oscars are beckoning (tune in February 26), but for anyone who values their square eyes, a full calendar of film festivals will keep them glued to the screen year-round.

Even better, these cinematic celebrations just so happen to be stationed in a selection of the world’s greatest locales. Here’s our pick of the best film festival cities – hopefully it will encourage flicks fanatics to spend some time outside of the cinema.

First up is Cannes, which easily attracts the most glamorous guests.

Everyone wants to be seen at this festival, where a constellation of stars premiere their newest work. Cannes has a long history of pulling power, having earned a name for itself in the Fifties with the attendance of big celebs including Sophia Loren, Grace Kelly, Brigitte Bardot, and Cary Grant.

Nowadays, it’s the place to spot the Hollywood-royal likes of Brangelina and George Clooney.

With such dazzling folk flitting about the place, Cannes has to try to 64 00

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live up to the bling. And it does so handsomely, boasting gorgeous palmtree-lined beaches and superyachts bobbing smugly on the sparkling French Riviera.

For a night out, you could have a stab at getting into Le Palais (palaisclub.com). Set in the heart of Palais des Festivals – housing the red carpet, auditorium and stage where the film festival takes place – only the goodlooking and super-fashionably dressed will pass the strict door policy (kind of like trying to get into Embassy in London to have a chance at snogging a footballer, only classier).

If this doesn’t sound like your bag, head to Le Sub 7 (5 Rue du Dr Gerard Monod) instead, where there’s no cover charge and failing to be spectacularly rich and good-looking isn’t tantamount to a disability. The cocktail list is long, there are 350 whiskies on offer, and the draught selection is generous.

By day, check out the historical quarter and seek out the free beach on Plages du Midiand Plages de la Bocca. cannes.travel

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN

2

TORONTO, CANADA

The world’s leading publicly attended film festival, Toronto has garnered a reputation for creating “Oscar buzz”, having premiered the likes of Black Swan, American Beauty, The Wrestler and 127 Hours.

An impressively multicultural food scene and great shopping should keep you occupied outside of screenings; also make the pilgrimage to the observation deck of the CN Tower and a daytrip to Niagara Falls. seetorontonow.com

Photos: niedersachsen-bilder.de; Getty; Thinkstock; Ontario

4

PARK CITY, UTAH

Champion of indie flicks, Sundance – responsible for the success of great underdogs including The Wackness, Winter’s Bone and Precious – is held in popular ski town Park City.

Although the 2012 film fest finished last week, this gives you enough time to perfect your snowplough for 2013 and make the most of the city’s winter offerings. If you’re just curious about the place itself, spring is great for biking in the encircling mountains, and Salt Lake City is just down the road. visitparkcity.com

3

BERLIN, GERMANY

... and relax

In keeping with its ultra-hip-and-arty rep, the Berlin Film Festival highlights experimental and avante-garde cinematic works, as well as your more conventional commercial juggernauts.

As a travel destination, Berlin’s cutting-edge cool is still going strong, with skinny-jeaned Shoreditch types shamelessly salivating all over its artsquat scene and progressive nightlife.

But make sure you create time for the city’s history, too. visitberlin.de/en

5

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO

The biggest film festival in Latin America, this is an important cultural event in the city, attracting more than 100,000 film fans and showcasing the best in contemporary Mexican and Latino talent.

For holidaymakers, Guadalajara is a sunny delight of pretty fountains, stylish coffee houses and pumping nightclubs. Streets lined with restored colonial mansions make for pleasant shady wanderings; tequila, mariachi bands and tacos are in abundance. vive.guadalajara.gob.mx

ALILA SOORI OVERVIEW Nestled in a secluded corner of south-west Bali, this luxury villa resort is like a work of art. The eco-friendly architecture oozes soft lines and beautiful designs in keeping with the natural surrounds of its location between scenic lush rice paddy fields and black-sand beaches. Being so remote – it’s a 10-minute drive into town – you’ve no choice but to relax, or take part in organised activities such as horse riding or a facial in Alila’s first-rate spa.

WOW FACTOR You’ll feel like a celebrity (OK, you’ll be paying like one as well) if you stay in one of Alila’s stunning villas.

The vast room opens up to a sunbathing area, which leads to your own infinity pool. So, call up your personal butler, order a cocktail and sip while drifting, with the azure Indian Ocean as a backdrop.

THE ROOMS You don’t have to splash out on a villa, there are spacious rooms available, which have access to a public infinity pool, outdoor terraces and the beach.

BILL PLEASE A villa sleeping two will set you back £362pn.

Banjar Dukuh, Desa Kelating, Kerambitan, Tabanan, Bali 82161 alilahotels.com/soori

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READERS’ TIPS

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LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning a summer holiday to Q I’m Montenegro in June. I’ve heard it’s a beautiful and untouched country, but don’t know much else about it. Do you have any recommendations, eg: where to stay along the coast, and any ‘must-do’ activities while we are there? Jane, via email

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to get around and any absolute must-sees?

Is hiring a car a realistic option, or is it more advisable to use public transport?

Dana Esperanza, via email will find it incredibly difficult to find a A You car hire company that will allow you to pick up a car in one country and drop it off in another.

I would advise opting for public transport.

An excellent journey to travel by train is from Zagreb to Sarajevo. The journey is incredibly scenic and takes about nine hours (or you could choose to continue on to Mostar which takes 12 hours or Ploče, 13 hours). You cannot purchase this ticket online – you will need to buy it at the station or on the train. It is a fixed-price ticket (less than £30).

You may feel that travelling by train speeds through some of the best of the Balkans, so I would recommend using a combination of trains and buses. Travel by bus allows you to appreciate the scenery and it’s generally cheaper! Eurolines is a good place to start (eurolines.com).

The must-sees on this route include Dubrovnik, for its gorgeous walled old town, and Montenegro’s beautiful coastline. I’d also recommend you explore Zagreb for its atmospheric café culture; a great arts scene; and nearby Lake Jarun, for some rest and relaxation.

Head to Albania for underrated Tirana, where there is plenty of nightlife to provide a welcome distraction from all the beach hopping.

Delighful, Mike. Sage advice, though.

– Travel Ed MASTER PACKING Packing cubes! Amazing how much easier they make packing, unpacking and living out of a bag! Staying organised and finding what you want without having to completely unpack and repack everything is awesome!

Kimberly Wright, via Facebook

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: svjetlopisi.com

coast is dotted with A Montenegro’s gorgeous coves and quaint villages.

Petrovac is a very pretty resort about halfway along the Montenegrin coast, but it can be busy.

Try Perast, a historic and tiny town in the Bay of Kotor, boasting 16 churches and two small islands, which you can easily hop on a boat to (about £3) for some peace and tranquillity. Also within the Bay of Kotor is the unassuming town of Herceg Novi. Many people bypass it for the smaller villages, but the walled Old Town makes for a pleasant walk, and, as the water is clearer here at the mouth of the bay, you can cool off at one of the concrete swimming terraces.

After a few days in the Bay of Kotor, either head south to Budva or inland to Lovćen National Park. Budva is a lively coastal spot, and can be a bit of a love or hate destination as its popularity has led to garish bars and packed-out beaches. If this isn’t your cup of tea, Lovćen is the complete opposite. It’s a mountainous area offering great hiking and mountain biking in cooler climes than on the coast.

Hiring a car is a great way to explore this compact country and most major hire companies operate in Montenegro.

travelling through the Balkans this Q I’m spring. Could you suggest the best way

GUARD YOUR ARSE TIP When travelling in malaria OF THE zones, it is important WEEK to slap some mosquito repellent on your bare arse cheeks so as to not get bitten while pinching a loaf. Remember, mosquitos, along with other nasty insects, just love to hang out in hot, damp, thirdworld shitters.

Mike MacGillivray, via email

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ABU SIMBEL, EGYPT Sarah MacAvoy, from NZ

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

TESSA BRYAN, 26

CAMERON BENSON, 26

Melbourne, Australia

Sydney, Australia

BEST Visiting Thailand with five of my girlfriends.

Thailand is the whole package – culture, beaches, shopping, great food and, of course, Koh Phangan’s Full Moon Party!

Most memorable travel experience?

Oktoberfest, without a doubt. The best beer on the planet, and millions of people from all corners of the globe just getting together and having an awesome time.

I plan to do it every year for the rest of my life.

Scariest travel experience?

A hostel in Glasgow. I got woken up when something brushed my arm, so I opened my eyes to find the stranger from the bed across from me walking up and down the dorm completely naked. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

WORST Catching three trains over 50 hours to get from Split, Croatia to Istanbul, Turkey. It was days without food, surrounded by creepy old men with foot fetishes, and constantly being woken up for passport checks.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Photos: Thinkstock; TNT

SPLASHING OUT

MONEY-OFF MALDIVES Seems the ‘spa ban’ furore has blown over, so the Maldives is back to doing what it does best. Celebrate with a bargain stay at Vilamendhoo Island Resort.

A week is £859pp (save £414pp) with Hayes & Jarvis (hayesandjarvis.co.uk). Includes full-board, four-star accommodation and return flights from Gatwick with Emirates. Departs June 4.

THE INSIDER

DIANA STEVIE Tourism co-ordinator Texas Tourism

My first big trip was a family holiday in Hawaii. My grandparents took the entire family, 30 in all, to the islands for Christmas. We left Chicago after an eight-hour delay due to heavy snow, and landed in Honolulu to magnificent sunshine and gorgeous sandy beaches. Even at 10, I was hooked!

My most challenging travel experience was having a massive caiman attack our boat on Limoncocha, a swamp in Ecuador’s Amazon delta. It was a challenge to breathe after that.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is New Zealand. Every photo I’ve seen looks like heaven, and I have loved every Kiwi I’ve ever met. I’m a bit afraid I’ll never leave once I get there, truth be told.

My guilty travel pleasure is wandering. I love to meander and watch life going on around me. Something about watching the world go by in an unknown setting really inspires me.

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The pretty Vilnius skyline

Wander the capital’s Old Town

Lithuania EUROPE

LATVIA

LITHUANIA VILNIUS Kaunas

POLAND

GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Return flights from London to Vilnius cost from £70 with Ryanair (ryanair.com). Also try Wizzair for similar prices (wizzair.com).

Kaunas knows its vodka 68

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Modern sculpture in Vilnius

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Eastern promise Lithuania’s capital Vilnius, and second city Kaunas, harbour rich histories, taking in vodka by royal decree, the KGB, and bohemia WORDS JOHN SHERIDAN

I have a theory: if the name of a country ends in ‘ia’, it’s worth a visit. From Algeria to Armenia, Bulgaria to Bolivia, and Slovenia to Syria, all evoke a sense of adventure and the prospect of a steep cultural learning curve.

Now, Lithuania might not spring readily to mind when thinking of a short break destination. But whether it’s sampling the local moonshine or coming face-to-face with the devil, I soon find Lithuania ticks all the right boxes.

The country’s second city, Kaunas, is where I start my trip and a very interesting, compact and walkable place it turns out to be – with the added advantage that it’s Lithuania’s largest producer of alcoholic spirits.Kaunas started making vodka in 1906 in a factory built at the personal decree of Nicholas II of Russia, and has been manufacturing it almost without a break to this day.

For the not-unreasonable sum of about £15, you get a tour of the distillery, a visit to the museum, and a tasting class with 10 different drinks varying in strength and age.

Purely in the spirit of journalistic research, I feel that I have to go along and take part in the tasting class.

During the talk, the difference between the spirits and the reactions to the aging process are explained. Basically, at a certain age the spirit gains a fiery temperament that changes with the temperature, and eventually mellows. The selection of vodkas and local specialities – some with a few herbs mixed in – all taste pretty similar, but ‘the older the spirit, the smoother the taste’ seems to be the rule.

After an hour of nosing and tasting, it’s time to move on. I head to 55° Restaurant (Laisves aleja, 79) for lunch.

This intriguing cellar eatery gets its name from the alcohol content of the country’s traditional moonshine, samane.

Here, I learn about the making (and drinking) of the moonshine, which commands more of my attention than lunch itself. There seems to be a pattern emerging …

It’s soon time to check out one of the city’s stranger attractions – the world’s only devil museum. Housed in what looks like an unimposing government building, it comprises a collection of devils from around the world, and visitors are encouraged to bring along their own creations to put on display. The curator looks at my wife, but decides that she would not fit in the display cabinet.

Departing Kaunas, I head by coach to the capital of Vilnius, and if ever there was a city of two halves,

this is it. The best way to view the city is from the top of Gediminas Castle. It’s certainly worth the climb of 78 steps – although it seems more – to get panoramic views of castle turrets spiking out of forest greenery on one side, and highrise glass buildings on the other.

Of everything I see in Vilnius, the independent republic of Užupis definitely demands a visit. With its own president, constitution and Independence Day (which falls on April Fool’s Day), Užupis is a district of Vilnius Old Town and

“

Independence Day falls on April Fool’s

”

home to many artists, local celebs, and even religious prophets. It’s often compared to Montmartre in Paris, with ›› its citizens, their lifestyle and beliefs all contributing to

The boho enclave of Uzupis TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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the unfettled feel of the district, which seems like a cross between a Sixties hippy commune and a refugee camp.

In Užupis, numerous art and socially responsible activities take place year-round, including the release of live fish into the Vilnia river, or voluntarily helping to clean up the neighbourhood. However, the actual contents of the shops and stalls – hand-woven rugs, paintings, odd-shaped ceramic jugs and colourful plastic cups on bits of string – leave little to be desired.

Another highlight of my trip in Vilnius is a visit to the KGB, or Genocide, Museum. Here, I see the old KGB prison that was established in the basement of the building in the autumn of 1940, after Lithuania‘s occupation by the Soviet Union. Most frightening is that at street level, life and business continued as usual, but beneath the surface the misery, deprivation, torture and executions took place.

It’s a sobering and humbling few hours which, set against the devils, hippies and moonshine, shows the sheer breadth of experiences on offer in Lithuania. ❚ For more information see lithuaniatourism.co.uk More on the KGB museum at genocid.lt/muziejus

The Genocide Museum: sobering

NEXT WEEK How to see the Northern Lights on a budget

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Viva Blynai in Kaunas does a filling and cheap line in pancakes and dumplings (above). (Laisves aleja, 53)

In Vilnius, Bistro 18 in the Old Town features friendly staff on hand to serve dishes from a mixed menu of international favourites, with the occasional twist. (bistro18.lt/index_eng.htm)

Berneliu Uzeiga, in Vilnius Old Town, dates back to the 18th century (pictured). The restaurant is well known for its authentic Lithuanian cuisine, and affords great views of the city by day. There are also branches in Kaunas. (berneliuuzeiga.eu/en)

DRINK

The unfortunate name of laidback bar B.O in Kaunas is actually short for ‘Blue Orange’. The students tend to while away the wee hours of the weekend here. (Muitines gatve, 9 Old Town, tel. 37 206 542)

Manu Kavine in Vilnius has something for everybody: an extensive tea list; a wide selection of beer and stouts on tap, including Guinness; and a well- priced menu with delights including German sausages. The owner even throws in complimentary internet access on two computers.

(Bokšto gatve, 7 Old Town)

Ex-it is at the forefront of the club scene in Kaunas. This modern, glossy venue brings the party until the early hours of the morning.

(Maironio 19, Kaunas)

SLEEP

Probably the cheapest hotel room in Kaunas, from about £16, Hotel Babilon is situated in quiet district Zaliakalnis, 15 minutes by foot to the city centre. Expect large rooms and nice staff. (Raseiniu str. 25, Kaunas, Lithuania 3000)

A few minutes walk from the main square, from about £40, Amberton Cozy in Kaunas makes for a comfortable mid-range stay. (ambertonhotels.com/en/)

Try Santaka, from about £62, just one minute from the main square in Vilnius and very close to all of the tourist attractions and bars. The atrium design and cellar restaurant gives it a modern feel. (santakahotel.eu)

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

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BUDGET

ENJOY YOUR STAY IN VILNIUS! www.vilnius-tourism.lt www.vilnius-events.lt

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Eastern gems This is Tartu in 48 hours WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

DAY 1: 09:00 Find your bearings in Estonia’s second city.

Start off in Town Hall Square and see the famous Kissing Students fountain – nearly half of Tartu’s population is made up of students, so the best time to visit is definitely termtime, when there’s more of a buzz to the place. Since it was installed in 1998, Tartu locals have adopted the statue as a local symbol. Behind it is the majestic pink classic-meetsBaroque and Rococo Town Hall and on balmy summer nights, musicals and plays are performed outside it. Turn around and head towards the river for a walk along its banks, then turn right and up Toome Hill (central Tartu is built on and around a steep incline) to find the city’s Wilde and Vilde statue, a memorial to Oscar Wilde and Estonian writer Eduard Vilde.

10:30 Now work those calves and head further up the hill to the massive red-brick Cathedral Ruins – the cathedral was destroyed by Christain invaders in the 13th Century. If navigating your way around the town by map seems like far too much hassle, take a guided tour around the town, ruins and university – led by an enthusiastic lady in authentic medieval dress – and you’ll hear all about Tartu’s history, too.

See beneficium.ee for more information and to book.

13:30 Stay at the top of the hill for some more light history over schnitzel and ice cream at Rotund (address: Toomemäaii, next to Cathedral Ruins). The octagonal cafe started life in the 19th century as a lemonade stand (and has old sketches on the walls to prove it).

14:30 Now stomp back down to the main square and to Tartu’s answer to the Leaning Tower of Pisa – the Leaning House – made so because it was cleverly built on both the 72

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old city wall and wooden piles. The latter sank over time, giving it a wonky lean. Inside, it happens to be an art gallery (tartmus.ee), which houses modern paintings, sculptures and graphic art. Entry costs £2.50.

16:00 Estonians love their beer, and where better to sample some, than an Estonian beer museum. A. Le Coq Beer Museum (alecoq.ee) shows where the national drink is made, churning out 40 million litres a year. Admission is only £1.30 and, of course, you get to try the beer, too.

19:00 Once a little sozzled, your mind will again be on food. So head to the Pussirohukelder (pyss.ee), an old gunpowder cellar that earned itself a Guinness World Record as the highest pub in the world. There’s Estonian and international food on the menu, and you can get a good-sized meal for about £8. Stick around with a few pints until the music is cranked up and things get exciting.

01:00 Crash out at the new and eco-conscious Hostel Looming (loominghostel.ee) – rooms are bright and clean and more than 99 per cent of the decor has been recycled.

You’ll find free WIFI, hammocks and it’ll dent your wallet by no more than a bargainous £15.

DAY 2: 09:00 For a cheap and decent breakfast buffet, which is available from 8am-11am on weekdays for a mere £2.90, head to Cafe Vilde (vilde.ee). The cafe, named after the Estonian writer, is also known for its cakes.

10:00 A science museum might not sound that exciting, but given a chance, Ahhaa Science Centre (ahhaa.ee/en) will blow your mind. For about a tenner, see chicks hatching; go in a gravity-defying room that makes you feel drunk and

Photos: visittartu.com, Jaak Nilson, Thinkstock

Wonky: the Leaning House

seasick at the same time; take quick-fire action pictures of yourself as a helium balloon pops in your face; then ride a unicycle across the ceiling (yes, the ceiling).

13:30 Refuel with a Caesar salad or a quiche for about £6 at Kapriis (kapriis.ee), and something from their long cocktail list – you might need it for the afternoon’s activity.

15:00 Get to know the city even better with some Dutch courage and a Photo Hunt (360.ee). You’ll be given a images of spots around the town, and to prove you’ve found them, you’ll also get a camera and instructions for what poses you all need to take up in each location, like “feet off the ground”, and “Red Light District”. Compete to see who can cover the most places in two-and-a-half hours and, most importantly, who comes up with the most imaginative pictures. Costs £24 per person in a group of 10.

18:00 Finish in Moka restaurant (moka.ee) to look back on your photographic gems. Then tuck into some reasonably priced (about £13 for a main course) new-meetstraditional Estonian food, making sure to try dessert – there are a zillion cakes to choose from, plus some smoking molecular gastronomy to rival Heston Blumenthal’s efforts.

09:30 Enjoy £1.30 pints before happy hour ends at 10pm at Pool Kuus & Arriba (address: Rüühi 1, 51007). Afterwards, go to Mafia-themed bar Ristiisa (ristiisapubi.ee), which means Godfather.

Estonian Air offers flights from London Gatwick to Tartu from £141 return estonian-air.com For more information see: visitestonia.com or visittartu.com

Up there: mess with gravity at the Ahhaa Science Centre

Fine history: Tartu’s Town Hall Square TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Rio Carnival BRAZIL

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Rio de Janeiro, via Lisbon, from about ÂŁ550 return with TAP. (flytap.com)

BRAZIL BRASILIA

Rio de Janeiro

The Carnival is no time to be shy 74

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The biggest party on Earth It’s the craziest shindig you’re ever likely to score an invite to. So how to make sure you have the time of your life? Simple. Read on WORDS JOHN MALATHRONAS

The Rio Carnival is part Milan Fashion Week, part New Year’s Eve, part Eurovision telethon and part gay-pride exuberance, flaunted in such exotic attire that nature itself might flinch at it. It uses oceans of paint, mountains of plumes and galaxies of glitter. It makes and breaks celebrities, furnishes Brazil’s top ten tunes for weeks to come, and provides a pivot for the whole year: pre-Carnival anticipation gives way to post-Carnival hangovers that lead to debriefings for new Carnival designs and, finally, preparations for the next one.

Most importantly, however, Carnival is not a spectacle to be enjoyed passively; it demands your complete involvement and participation. Here’s a practical guide so that you can enjoy it to the max.

Getting there The cheapest flights to Rio are the ones with TAP via Lisbon, starting at about £550 (flytap.com). Even cheaper is arriving earlier, leaving later and making a longer holiday out of your trip. Another savings idea is to include Rio in a round-the- world ticket: you can get an RTW ticket to Australia or New Zealand, including Rio from just £1499 (roundtheworldflights.com). From Rio’s Central Station (Estação Central do Brasil at Praça Cristiano Ottoni), Intercity and Interstate buses – cheap, comfortable and air-conditioned – can take you anywhere, while the easyto-remember GOL airlines (voegol.com.br) is the Brazilian version of easyJet with a no-frills flying policy.

Where to stay The bad news first: about 350,000 tourists descend on Rio during Carnival and accommodation prices double or, in some cases, triple. Hotels, hostels and pensões (B&Bs) require you book a minimum of seven days, whereas the Carnival only lasts for the five days leading to Ash Wednesday – this year, it’s from February 17-21. You can minimise the price by reserving the room directly with some of the cheaper hotels involved (that normally insist on part-pre-payment). Rio Hostel Ipanema (riohostelipanema.com) is in an unbeatable location and good value for money; its sister in Santa Teresa (riohostel.com) is slightly away from the action but has amazing views. Medium-price hotels include the neo-classical

but noisy Hotel Imperial in Catete (imperialhotel.com.br) and Atlantis in Arpoador, popular with surfers (atlantishotel.com.br).

Finding the action The good news is that once in Rio, you can get by for little. Beer in choperias (pubs) is cold and cheap, food in lanchonetes (snack bars) is plentiful, lying on the beach is free and relaxing, and you don’t have to look out for entertainment: the action finds you.

Your hotel should be able to secure you tickets for the grand processions in the Sambódromo, an Oscar Niemeyer modernist creation that seats 60,000 screaming and dancing revellers every parade night. The marching ‘samba schools’ have nothing to do with educational institutions; they are large, competing organisations whose parades are graded by judges on precision, music, concept, attire, rhythm, choreography and a dozen other aspects of the spectacle.

They are organised in two divisions: the lesser-known ones march on Friday and Saturday when tickets are cheaper, while the most popular form the Grupo Especial and march on Monday or Tuesday, when prices skyrocket.

Tickets You can also buy tickets in any travel agency, but your best bet is to try in person at the Sambódromo Box Office itself for Friday or Saturday – even if you don’t get in, the area around it quickly becomes festive by itself. The best tickets are those towards the end of the parade – especially Sector 9, which sells out quickly – while the cheapest are the Grandstand tickets which are high up and where seating is unallocated.

Parades Sambódromo parades start at 9pm and each samba school takes exactly 75 minutes to cross the 700m of the parade ground: they have to; they lose points if they don’t. However, if you are in Rio earlier you can watch the rehearsals for a pittance; these take place every weekend for at least one month leading to Carnival and are, unsurprisingly, followed by impromptu parties outside.

Yet the main, incomparable buzz of Carnival is found in ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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See drag on Shrove Tuesday

Rio isn’t short on beauty full participation in these parades. You can choose the samba school you prefer (the 2011 winners were Beija Flor, but other top inclusive schools include Mocidade, Mangueira and Imperatriz), though you have to buy the set costume of your marching division, learn the basic dance movements and, if you are well advanced, chant their Carnival song.

The easiest way is to view the available styles and buy via rio-carnival.net.

There are cheaper attractions, too. During Carnival there are free concerts, raves and street parties every night. That’s where you can join in without having to buy expensive outfits, although dressing up will certainly improve your ‘grim gringo’ status. Start at 5pm every night at Praça Floriano in Cinelândia for a retro night with an older but still remarkably up-for-it crowd celebrating past Carnivals, continue at about 7pm in the Rua do Mercado with its al fresco dance nights, and finish under the Arches of Lapa, dancing to more contemporary Brazilian sounds from upand-coming groups and DJs all through the night. Then, there are the blocos, where you can follow a moving sound system, can of beer in hand and gyrating hips at the ready, through a particular route. Bloco Céu da Terra at Santa Teresa kickstarts the party at 7am (!) and there are blocos in Copacabana and Ipanema every afternoon.

want to team up with other young gringos, try Shenanigans (shenanigans.com.br) – this is a corner of Rio that will be forever Irish.

As for clubbing, if you just want to drink and dance, nothing compares with Baronetti (baronneti.com.br), which opens at 10pm Wed-Sun, has a steep RS$100 (about £36) entrance fee but offers free drinks. Café del Mar (cafedelmarbrasil.com) is the city’s prime chillout spot, which also encourages newcomers to DJ during the quiet periods (normally 6pm-10pm).

Nightlife If you just want to hang around, any choperia by the beach will do, but make an effort to discover some of Rio’s best: Bar Urca (barurca.com.br) is a small bar on the shady side of Sugarloaf mountain with amazing views towards Corcovado; Boteco Engarrafamento (Rua Prudente de Moraes 1838; +55 (21) 2529-6357) is popular, lively and good value; and if you 76

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At the Copacabana: epicentre of prostitution

G-A-Y Shrove Tuesday is gay day and Ipanema beach the place to be. In the morning, you can watch an ad hoc show-off of insanely muscular bodies with abs you can grate cheese on. In the afternoon, participate in the Banda de Ipanema bloco starting from Praça Osorio, where you bump into drag queens with extravagant hairstyles that would make a fruit-and-veg stand wilt with shame. The night finishes with the spectacular Scala Gay ball in Leblon – broadcast live on Brazilian TV – where even the most elaborately costumed transvestites take admiring pictures of each other. During the other Carnival nights, the place to go is Le Boy (leboy.com.br), a gay Rio institution that offers dazzling shows.

The Insider's guide

Vice Making friends with the locals is never difficult during Carnival, although ensuring that any pick-up is genuine can be beyond the most streetwise of visitors. It is quite common for men to chat up girls in a street party, buy them a drink and invite them over to their hotel for the night – only to discover that money has to be exchanged once the room door is closed. (And that is before you can check that the girl you were smooching with is, indeed, of the female persuasion.) The epicentre of overt – or covert – prostitution is the illustrious arc of Copacabana beach.

This has traditionally been the hub of tourist activity and, as a result, has attracted hustlers with a rich panoply of scams. In fact, hotel receptions in the area have taken a stand against sex-for-hire, and you may find that you won’t be allowed to bring anyone to your room, even if you accidentally bumped into your long-lost great-aunt Edna.

As for drugs – forget it. Drug taking has not penetrated the middle classes in the way it has in the West; however respectable and friendly your dealer appears to be, he or she is most definitely a member of a favela gang who are watching your every move, gun trigger at the ready.

Safety first Finally, on to safety: there are very few rules, but they are worth repeating. Keep up with the crowds and

A couple of wallflowers celebrate

››

Juliano Zappia is the owner and publisher of jungledrumsonline.com.

He now works in Rio as part of the organising committee for Rio+20, the UN Conference on Sustainable Development.

Rio is quite expensive this time of year. What tips do you have for someone on a shoestring budget?

Do you remember that Brazilian you used to work with and now he’s back in Brazil? Well, Facebook him! Or try your luck at Airbnb (airbnb.com).

How do you like to party during Carnival?

I usually find the blocos close to where I’m staying and stick with them. Orquestra Voadora at Flamengo Park is a must-see.

Where abouts would you take your Aussie friends during Carnival?

If I’m lucky enough to get tickets, I would definitely take them to the Sambódromo.

What places in Rio give travellers a more ‘authentic’ experience in the city?

If you are in Rio before Carnival, try to go to a rehearsal at Salgueiro School of Samba. You will never forget the experience.

Despite the obvious attractions of Rio, public impressions have been formed by films like City Of God and newspaper reports about violence. How do you allay the fears of the first-time visitor?

The pacification of the favelas and the preparations for the World Cup and Olympics are giving a more safe feeling to the city and creating a very positive vibe.

And finally, what about sex? What advice would you give to our young, hot-blooded readers?

Well, this time every year the Federal Government distributes millions of condoms for free. Nuff said.

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don’t stray into dimly lit cul-de-sacs; don’t make a big show of parading expensive jewellery, cameras or watches; don’t take valuables to the beach; only use call-out taxis; hang out with friends; and don’t accept open drinks from strangers. That’s it – have a great Carnival in 2012! ❚ John Malathronas is the author of Brazil: Life Blood Soul, Wildlife Guide To Brazil and co-author of the Michelin Green Guide To Rio. malathronas.com; rioguiaoficial.com.br/en

BRAZIL BEYOND RIO If you want to recover from the Carnival experience and work off that added alcohol fuel, your best bet is to escape to the dazzling National Park of Itatiaia. The park is divided into the Lower Itatiaia: exotic, tropical and brimming with animal life; and the Andean-looking Upper Itatiaia: cool, relatively bare and a hiker’s dream. Only four hours by bus from Rio on the Dutra Highway to São Paulo lies the eponymous village of Itatiaia, where there is plenty of cheap accommodation. Alternatively, you may decide to stay inside the park (RS$180, or £65, per double) at hoteldoype.com.br or itatiaia.tur.br. Maps for trails and guides are available locally; see ecoralph.com for hikes.

Dressing up is essential – and nothing is too weird

ONCE THERE, DON’T MISS: Birdlife: Itatiaia is particularly famous for its many species of hummingbirds. If you stay inside the park, check out the feeders hanging in the verandas, specially designed for these buzzing, bumble-bee-sized birds.

Vista do Ultimo Adeus: At 2km, the shortest trail from the entrance leads to a great panoramic viewpoint over the Rio Campo Belo; word has it that it’s the best view you can hope to see before you die.

Ipanema beach: free raves every night of Carnival

Itaporani: Half an hour walk away from Véu de Noiva, a junction of three small waterfalls forms a lake with crystal-clear waters, where you can dip in and enjoy a cool, refreshing swim after your hike.

Pico das Agulhas Negras: At 2791m, this spiky peak (the ‘Black Needles’) in Upper Itatiaia is the fifth highest in Brazil, and the most accessible. The three-hour hike up is easy-to-medium and highly rewarding, as you will be staring down on the cloud forest below.

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NEXT WEEK South Africa: Exploring the wild north of the country Shake your bon-bon

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Cachoeira Véu de Noiva: Only 45-minute walk away from the entrance, find a stunning 40-metre waterfall whose hugging of the rocks gives us the impression of a satin bridal veil.

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It wasn’t just me, was it? I’m sure there was chemistry there.

Unfortunately, we all had to leave to meet some friends somewhere else that night and I think we were both too shy to ask for each other’s numbers. My top lip’s not always that hairy, so I hope that’s not why you didn’t make a move. Please get in touch. Ruth34@gmail.com.

See ya later: Rose, I came to

you keep your grubby paws off my girl, or you’ll wake up without knackers one day. Got it?

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THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#464 Blend in seamlessly with the other fans at the African Cup of Nations

London almost penniless and you promised me you would be my budget party master. I’ve never done so many happy hours and scored so many free drinks at the bar in my life – and I didn’t even have to show my tits! Now I’m going to take all this learned wisdom back home with me and dedicate my first free drink to you.

Thanks for the good times. Rhiona.

Triple J play: To J and J. Sad to see you leaving London, but thrilled about your future and family plans back home. Make it a Triple J, hey!

Furry fucker: G-Rabbit, I suggest

lost your number. Get me on email.

Beenaround@hotmail.co.uk.

To the guy at She Bu Walkie with the green flannelette shirt on Australia Day: You were wearing a cork hat. I wouldn’t mind if you want to swat my fly.

The girl with the Chicken Crimpys.

Happy birthday, Mel!!!: We couldn’t let the big 3-0 pass without a shout-out in TNT. We all know you’ve been desperately Seeking someone to desperately seek you, but, until then, this will have to do! Have a great week.

Love, Jane.

A shode to Shinbone Shane: You shucked my shapes, you shadowy Shamrock, and shampooed my shadlocks, too.

But when a shabby shashlick starts to showboat with his shoelaces, what’s a shitfaced shiitake to do? Love from Sheila.

To the sequinned Australia flag dress girl at the TNT Australia Day party at Infernos: I want to make little Southern Cross babies with you upon a red rock in the wild Australian bush, with only the howl of dingos and the creak of cicadas to drown out your groans. My share house in Acton will do, too. I was the guy wearing the Hawthorne top – the name’s Bruce.

To Giselle: You were the girl from Shepparton at the Underdog bar on Australia Day. I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much, scraping the gravy meat from your right breast. That pie was tasty. I licked it off my finger as I turned away.

Do you want to lick me? You know where to find me. Scoobs.

Cheeky Pacheco face and Razzy Paz: A belated congratulations on squeezing out Lilly-Mai – well, for you, anyway, LP. Here’s a little message from the team at the orifice to put in bub’s scrapbook. Bring it out when she’s 21. Coochie coochi coo!

Redskin girl: To the brunette in the white singlet with an Australian map on the front. We were partying at Waxy O’Connor’s and you gave me a Redskin. Can I marry you?

Email me as soon as you see this. myskinisred@me.com

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Bye bye: You came here young and somewhat innocent. Four years on, you’re leaving knocked up and corrupt. You are one wild child that’s going to be missed (especially by Mandy). But don’t worry, you will be added to the top of the drunk-dial list. See you back at home, goldfish brain!! Hayden M. Mellow Yellow: We had an arm wrestle at Infernos that I happily won and you know it!!

Don’t remember too much, but I do remember you! You stole something from me which I would I like back please. It’s yellow. Zoe, via my.tntmagazine.com.

To the gang with the ‘we are happy little Vegemites T-shirts at the TNT Australia Day party: You all rocked! Thanks for letting me have the boogie with you. You are all true blue, vitamin B-laden, fistfuls of Skippy sunshine. Happy little Vegemite crew, London’s official Aussie ambassadors all the way. Gregg.

Looking for something embarrassing: I lost something at Temple Walkie on Aus Day, that has high sentimental value to me. It’s a butt plug with a single shiny green tassle dangling from the bottom. I normally keep a fairly tight grip on it, but I got a bit caught up in the revelry and lost control. If anyone found it, I’ll reward you for its return. Please email lostbuttplug@hotmail.co.uk.

Hairy lip lover: To the guys from New Zealand who sat at the table with me and my two German friends at The Larrik Inn on Friday, January 20. We were all having a

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