TNT Magazine / Issue 1488

March 5-11 2012 Issue 1488 tntmagazine.com

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Try an Olympic sport in London

COASTAL CAMBODIA Go off the beaten track for top beaches

COULD IT BE MAGIC? The flamboyant Hans Klok on his latest show

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Wow! A huge thank you to everyone who came along to the TNT Travel Show on Saturday. Thousands of travellers packed out Earl’s Court in search of a deal; and no one left empty-handed. There we announced the winner of our Photographer Of The Year competition – which Maria de la Guardia scooped with her stunning shot that’s on the cover. Flick to P61 for details. And to find out who won our blogging comp, and that amazing trip around South Africa, turn to travel news on P57. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

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LONDONNEWS

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MY LONDON DRINK & EATS @TNT

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LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

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SPOTTED LONDON FOCUS CHATROOM THE JEZABELS LONDON SCENE

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SPARE TIME

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SHOPPING

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LIFESTYLE

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HEALTH & BEAUTY

34-35

CAREERS

36-37

LIVING

40-41

NEWS & SPORT

42-53

TRAVEL

55-76

DIARY

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NEWS

57

UK TRIP

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock. Cover: Maria de la Guardia

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58-59

LATE DEALS

60

HOTSHOTS

61

UK TRIP

62-63

TIPS & STUFF

64+67

SHORTBREAK

68-70

48 HOURS IN...

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CLASSIFIEDS

79-113

DESPERATELY SEEKING

114

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FEATURES BEAT IT

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The lowdown on all things dance-related in London, including the Move It expo.

A KIND OF MAGIC

58

28

He might deliver an over-the-top Vegasstyle show, but we’re sold on Hans Klok.

GO FOR GOLD

34

Don’t wait for the Olympics. Here’s where you can try out the sports for yourself.

COLD CALLING

58

Are you brave enough to go surfing in winter in the UK? Our writer was ...

TREKKING WITH THE SAMI 68 We go reindeer herding with the indigenous people of Arctic Finland.

CAMBODIA’S BEACHES

74

Head to the country’s stunning coast to find secluded bays and hidden gems.

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Oliver Jones Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON CHESS-BOXING CHAMPIONSHIP SCALA

It’s exactly what it says on the tin – 11 rounds of heavyweight action in which contestants face off over a chessboard before clambering into the boxing ring.

The likes of Andy “The Rock” Costello and Nikolay “The Siberian Express” Sazhin are the stars of the show, although, in reality, it’s the zany concept that keeps the punters coming back for more. Be careful, though. After watching the frivolity from the sidelines, you might be tempted to join in the fun and that would only end in tears. £20

SALES ENQUIRIES

Sat, Mar 10 275-277 Pentonville Rrod, N1 9NL

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SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online

STREETMATE

HOLI HINDU SPRING FESTIVAL

WOMEN OF THE WORLD

SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004

These workshops instruct singles on the art of breaking the ice with strangers. So next time you bump into someone attractive on the Tube, you’ll have the misplaced confidence to pester them for all 10 stops, until they shuffle off into the night.

But that’s unfair. It’s not just a how-to guide for sex pests. Could be fun.

The end of winter and the start of spring is celebrated by throwing coloured pigment into the air. There’ll be heaps of music and street performers, as well as a cracking selection of food and drink. Most of Twickenham’s town centre will be taken over by the festivities so it promises to be a big day out.

There is a stack of theatre and live music sandwiched into this festival that’s all about the ladies. Ticket prices vary but you can get admission to most events for about £15.

With intriguing talks from the likes of Sinead O’Connor, lively debates, markets and workshops, you’re sure to stumble upon something of interest at this great venue.

Until May 26 Workshops take place on the streets in various corners of the capital streetmate.com

Sat, Mar 10 Orleans House Gallery, Riverside, TW1 3DJ Twickenham richmond.gov.uk/arts

Mar 7-11 Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk/wow

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Check out the serving wenches

MEDIEVAL BANQUET Ivory House

It always looks like great fun when, in movies set in olden days – like Braveheart or Highlander – everybody gets together and has a big boozy luncheon, with massive cuts of meat and clinking flagons of mead. Now, thankfully, you can do it for real, at this brilliantly nostalgic venue which recreates the medieval banquets of your imagination. If you’re dressing up, you might need a stiff drink before getting on the Tube. £50

Every night St Katharine’s Dock

Tower Hill

DANDY LION MARKET

CAMRA BEER AND CIDER FESTIVAL

This monthly brica-brac market is teaming up with Oxfam for a special International Women’s Day edition. Your usual market fare is in abundance, with plenty of vintage goods, clothes and homeware. But there’s also a live music set-up and lots of French food on offer. It’s sure to be brimming with vintage dandies.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to have a boozy festival during the week, but you should still swing past for a few cheeky pints, even if it is on a school night.

There are more than 70 real ales to sample, as well as a similarly expansive range of cider. This is a wonderful event for the anoraks, but also for the amateurs who simply enjoy a drop.

Sat, Mar 10 The Boogaloo, 312 Archway Rd, N6 5AT Highgate theboogaloo.co.uk

Mar 7-9 Camden Centre, Bidborough St, WC1H 9AU King’s Cross St Pancras camranorthlondon.org.uk

FREE

Photos: Yves Sucksdorff

medievalbanquet.com

£4

LONDONNEWS

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KYLIE TO SING AT QUEEN’S JUBLIEE Kylie Minogue will perform at the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee concert. The Spinning Around singer is the latest act to be confirmed for the June 4 bash in London, along with Motown legend Stevie Wonder.

The 43-year-old said: “To share the stage in front of Buckingham Palace with music legends including Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Tom Jones and Elton John is very exciting.”

Jessie J, Ed Sheeran, Madness, Cliff Richard, Shirley Bassey and Annie Lennox are also set to perform at the free concert.

At least I didn’t have to come down here today on one of your bikes The Queen speaks her mind when meeting London mayor Boris Johnson during an official visit to Fortnum & Mason

Spellbinding: the to-scale castle model

Harry Potter tour set to open First photos of models on display at studio – including Hogwarts It’s what Harry Potter fans have been waiting for – the chance to visit its famous boarding school for wizards and witches. The Warner Bros Studio Tour – The Making Of Harry Potter last week released images of what’s on display ahead of its March 31 opening.

The photos (more at tntmagazine.com) show an impressive hand-sculpted model of Hogwarts castle, inside will also boast the Great Hall and Dumbledore’s office.

When the attraction opens at Watford’s Leavesden Studios, visitors will also be able to wander around the Ministry Of Magic and Harry Potter’s famous cupboard under the stairs in Little Whingeing.

The Hogwarts castle model was built for the first film, Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone, and then rebuilt

and altered for the next seven films. A statement from the studio said: “The work was so extensive that if one was to add all the man hours that have gone into building and reworking the model, it would come to over 74 years.”

And the tour, for which tickets are now on sale, promises: “For the first time, the doors are going to be opened for everyone at the studio where it first began.

“You’ll have the chance to go behind the scenes and see many things the camera never showed. From breathtakingly detailed sets to stunning costumes, props and animatronics.”

However, with tickets priced at £28 for adults, not everyone is ethusiastic. “Sorry but did the films not make enough money then?” one forum user asked.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

BAKERLOO: No service between Elephant & Castle and Queen’s Park on Saturday. Replacement buses in operation.

Arch and West Ruislip/Ealing Broadway on Sunday. And no service between White City and West Ruislip/Ealing Broadway on Sunday. Replacement buses in operation.

WATERLOO & CITY: Closed Sundays.

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Photos: Getty; Matt Hocken

CENTRAL: No service between Marble

Cheeky TV presenters Ant and Dec (right) will be spearheading a flashmob in London on Friday.

Promoting the next series of Britain’s Got Talent, which starts at the end of the month, they’re aiming to gather a huge crowd in Trafalgar Square.

Anyone thinking of heading along might also catch a glimpse of the judges – Simon Cowell, David Walliams, Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon.

The movement is being coordinated by The Applause Store, and those who turn up will receive audience tickets for one of the BGT semi-finals.

The flashmob will be filmed and the footage used in the opening credits of the ITV talent show – so dress to impress.

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Wow factor: this is not a yoga pose

Smooth moves Dance isn’t just about drunken side-stepping at a club. Meet Belly Bolly and gentlemen’s tap – the latest moves to hit the street WORDS REBECCA KENT

Dance fever is sashaying its way across London. Thanks to the popularity of TV shows such as Strictly Come Dancing and Britain’s Got Talent – which streetdancers Diversity won in 2010 – we’re moving off the sofa, tapping our feet, wanting our moment in the spotlight (or some exercise). Dance is enjoying a renaissance, side-stepping away from its stuffy image into something more street, more trendy. Think cheerleading, hip hop, street bellydancing, house and gentlemen’s tap.

But if you don’t yet know what your style is, head to Move It this weekend at Olympia. It promises to be an extravaganza of hip-swivels, highkicks, body-ticks, toe-taps and Michael Jackson moonwalks. Do away with your Saturday night ‘big fish, little fish, pack the box’ routine, and learn a style that will draw gasps from your fans.

“This is the only event in the country where you can find all dance styles under one roof,” Georgina Harper, the event’s creative director, says.

“You can watch, you can take part and try every latest dance style before they are taken to a mass audience.”

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There will be more than 260 classes and shows – which visitors can join in – involving some 20,000 performers.

Attendees can expect fireworks on stage when street-dance troupe Flawless and the English National Ballet team up for a unique routine.

And ITV1’s Got To Dance judge and Aussie heartthrob Adam Garcia and Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt will be on the stage, strutting their stuff.

“The co-ordination required for dancing is equitable to doing a crossword – it keeps your mind in check,” Garcia says. “And there’s something about following a beat and making your body move in time to music that is fiercely different to any other form of exercise.”

To coincide with Move It, organisers have announced Belly Bolly – a fusion of Bollywood and Arabic belly dancing – and gentleman’s tap – in the vein of Fred Astaire – will be the styles to take the UK by storm this year.

“With access to booking systems and teachers in the know, we are in a unique position to forecast what will be hot in dance,” Harper says. “Plus, pop

culture usually has a huge influence.

When Rihanna came to prominence, Jamaican dancehall classes went through the roof.”

Matt Flint, 30, winner of BBC’s So You Think You Can Dance, a tap dancer with Happy Feet Productions, vouches for the boom of gentleman’s tap.

“It’s not just technique. With that debonair Fred Astaire visual, it’s good on the eye as well,” he says. “I recently danced with five other guys, all suited and booted, Rat Pack flavour, and the audience thought it was refreshing to see a bunch of lads dancing. There’s still a stigma that boy dancers are fairies.”

Jenni Jethwani, 30, of Bollywood dance company, Sheikh It, is similarly stoked about the increasingly popularity of Belly Bolly.

She says: “Movies in India have featured it for some time. It makes Bollywood dancing girlier, sultirer and sexier. Women are loving it.” ❚ MORE LONDON DANCE ›› Move It is on March 9-11. Tickets £13.50 Olympia, Hammersmith Road, W14 8UX Kensington Olympia moveitdance.co.uk

Heartthrob: Garcia’s going to storm the stage

Embarrassing: improve your dancefloor moves

Wy-not? Kimberly hearts dance

HUKILAU HULA OVAL

CHEERLEADING COVENT GARDEN

Imagine you’re on sunny Pacific shores and learn to do the Hukilau like a true Malihini with Hula Boogie’s Miss Aloha.

Lessons are at the start of Hula Boogie Sunday, held on the third Sunday of every month. Learn the moves to this popular 1950s dance style then strut your stuff on a night out on the tiles.

Any class where that lets you swoosh a pom-pom thorugh the air has got to be worth a look.

At this school, which is dedicated to the discipline of cheerleading, all elements are covered – cheers, chants, dance, kicks and jumps, plus basic stunting. Sociable, glamorous and fun, it will keep you fit, even if you do end up collapsing in a fit of giggles with your mates.

£7

Sun, Mar 18, 8pm South London Pacific Tiki Bar, 340 Kennington Road, SE11 4LD Oval hulaboogie.co.uk

£6

SWING DANCING PUTNEY BRIDGE No longer the preserve of a bygone era, styles such as the Lindy Hop and Charleston have gained a new following in the modern age. See what all the fuss is about at this weekly social dancing class, which revives styles from the 1920s through to the 1940s. Just swing by, you don’t need experience or a partner. £7

Saturdays, 12pm-1pm Pineapple Dance Studios, 7 Langley Street, WC2H 9JA Covent Garden pineapple.uk.com

Wednesdays, 7pm-8pm Temperance Bar, 90 Fulham High Street, SW6 3LF Putney Bridge swingpatrol.co.uk

BLUES REVOLUTION VARIOUS £10 Experience the music, dance and social spirit of a style once confined to backwater honkytonks in America’s Deep South. As much about hanging out as it is about having fun, this regular event starts with a one-hour class – suitable for beginners. Then drink, chillout or cut some serious shapes on the dancefloor to music courtesy of DJs and bands. Entrenched in African principles of movement, blues dancing is all about the motion of the hips and dancing within a boundary.

It’s also an expression of emotions. But you’ll leave this place feeling happy.

Monthly Various bluesrevolution.co.uk

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EROTICA NORTH LONDON

GAGA METHOD BOND STREET

This class will teach you to emulate the sassy r’n’b moves of Rihanna in six weeks. You never need an excuse to learn how to dance like a foxy minx, although you might need to find someone to practice on.

An oddly intriguing style promoting selfawareness by using imagery, such as tiny ants crawling all over your body, or ice-cold water rushing off your limbs, is used to promote various body movements.

Thursdays, 6.30pm-7.30pm The Basement Dance Studio, 400 York Way, N7 9LR Caledonian Road jumpanddance.com

Mondays, 10am-11.15am Danceworks studio, 6 Balderton Street, W1K 6TN Bond Street danceworks.net

MUSICAL THEATRE LONDON FIELDS

MICHAEL JACKSON DANCE WORKSHOP FARRINGDON

£80

Channel your inner stage star and learn a dance from a top West End musical – think Chicago, Dirty Dancing or Flash Dance. Classes are taught by real stage stars, so you can’t go wrong.

£7

The King of Pop sure had some moves in his lifetime, and you can do your best to emulate them in this day-long class themed on one of his music videos.

If this, the most elegant and fluid of dance styles, passed you by as a kid, this is your chance to give it a shot.

Don’t be concerned if you have the grace of an elephant, the class is for beginners. Pineapple’s groups are classically-based and start at the ‘barre’, which will support your body as you flit back and forth and practice your ‘turn out’, which is that awkward outward rotation of the leg. Apparently, it helps with your balance.

Only one way to find out.

TBC City Academy Office, 51-53 Mount Pleasant, WC1X 0AE Farringdon city-academy.com

Tuesdays, 8pm-9pm Pineapple Dance Studios, 7 Langley Street, WC2H 9JA Covent Garden pineapple.uk.com

£10

Tuesdays, 12pm Netil House, 1 Westgate St, London Fields E8 3RL moveyourframe.com

CLASSICAL BALLET COVENT GARDEN

£60

£6

RUMBA PARTY IMPERIAL WHARF

SHIM SHAM TAP JAM SHOREDITCH

Ballroom dancing is a fabulous pastime, just ask Karen Hardy, who shimmied her way to a Strictly Come Dancing winners’ trophy in 2006.

Set in her own salubrious studios, Hardy’s Practice Party Rumba class offers a bit little extra. You get a glass of bubbly on arrival and a 15-minute masterclass where you’ll learn the basics before heading to the dancefloor.

Named after the Shim Sham Shimmy, a dance created by legendary twinkle toes Leonard Reed in the 1920s, this weekly rhythm tap class will help you find your own groove. You’ll also draw inspiration from past masters, Bojangles, the Nicholas Brothers and Steve Condos who grooved to a slightly different beat.

£10

Sundays, 7pm-9pm 10 The Boulevard, SW6 2UB Imperial Wharf karenhardystudios.com

£10

SERIOUS ABOUT STREET DANCE 2012 NORTH GREENWICH

Mondays, 6.30pm-7.30pm Shoreditch Tab Centre, Godfrey Place, E2 7NT Shoreditch shimshamtapjam.co.uk

The elite of the UK dance scene gather under one roof for an explosive evening of live performances from groups such as Flawless, Alliance Collective and Magical Bones. Thrilling for spectators, the event will also stage the finals of a 5 v 5 street-dance crew battle. With 21 acts confirmed, this event promises to be electric. £17

Fri, Mar 16, 7pm-2am Indig02, the O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich superbadevents.com

BELLY BOLLY DANCE BOND STREET It’s belly dancing, but not as you know it. The Arabic dance form gets a Bollywood makeover, which requires you to isolate body parts, as in belly dancing, but loosen your muscles, as in Bollywood.

We wish you luck.

CONTACT IMPROVISATION DALSTON

£50

I LOVE EIGHTIES VARIOUS There are many things from the Eighties many of us would be happy to forget: cotton dungarees, shoulder pads, and highly flammable bouffant hairstyles. But the music – Fame, Footloose, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – are too good to keep locked away. Relive those awkward disco moments all over again, this time learning the famous moves and routines from the songs and films. Leggings, legwarmers, pumps and highly flammable bouffant hairstyles essential.

Photos: Christopher Allen / cpcallen.zenfolio.com, Ruth Roxanne Board, Getty, Thinkstock

£25

Anytime Various londonhen.co.uk

Mondays, 6pm-7pm Danceworks, 16 Balderton St, W1K 6TN Bond Street bollywooddancelondon.com

ACROBATIC ROCK ‘N’ ROLL WESTMINSTER Like rock ’n’ roll on springs, this style involves high-kicks and jumping, and so is more suited to shows than clubs.

All levels are welcome.

If nothing else, it makes for unusual dinner party conversation.

This movement involves two bodies moving together, with emphasis on the flow of kinesthetic energy.

Sometimes wild, other times meditative. It’s worth a go. £7

Saturdays, 11.30am-1.30pm St Mattias Church Hall, Wordsworth Road, N16 8DD Dalston Kingsland contactimprovisation.co.uk

RAVE COVENT GARDEN

£14

Thursdays, 8pm-10pm Naim Dangoor Centre, 255, Harrow Road, W2 5EZ Westbourne Park 2Rock.org

LOCKING AND POPPING NORTH LONDON

Can’t wait for the weekend? This explosion of energetic dance and rave moves to uplifting music with glow sticks, should do the trick. £20

Tuesdays, 6.45pm-7.30pm 2-43 Saint Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4EJ Covent Garden gymbox.com

It might sound like something you do to your jaw, but this is one of the original funk styles of dance which came out of California in the 1960s and 1970s. Popping is based on the technique of quickly contracting and relaxing muscles to cause a jerk in the body, referred to as a pop or a hit. For example, if you’ve ever done the ‘robot’ on the dancefloor before, you’ve ‘popped’.

This class incorporates ‘tutting’ (interpretive dance), ‘boogaloo’ (Latin dance), ‘waving’ (doing the motion of a wave) and moonwalking, so it’s an all-round street-dance class. Learn it all in six weeks. £85

Mondays, 7.30pm-8.30pm The Basement Dance Studio, 400 York Way, N7 9LR Caledonian Road jumpanddance.com

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MYLONDON

HAVE YOU BEEN MIS-SOLD PPI? Have you taken out loans, mortgages, credit cards without realising you have been sold a PAYMENT PROTECTIONS INSURANCE

without your knowledge?

MATILDA EGERE-COOPER JOURNALIST, FOUNDER OF THE CULTURAL EXPOSE AND CULTURE CLUB PHOTOGRAPHY What baffles me about London is the rising price of public transport.

The least they could do is run a 24-hour network – like New York.

London’s best-kept secret is this little Japanese restaurant on Gray’s Inn Road called Aki Japanese Bistro – it offers a real authentic experience at a very reasonable price. I’m always looking for quirky places to eat in the city, and Aki’s definitely that.

When I want to chill out I go to the Hospital Club in Covent Garden. It’s a private member’s club, but there are a lot of cosy, creative rooms and spaces that I’ll just hang out in with friends after I’ve finished working.

My favourite place for a drink? I don’t drink much but I’ve got to say the Virgin Spring Punch mocktail at Cottons in Islington is an astoundingly good choice. It’s made with grenadine.

The most interesting person I’ve met is my friend Tico. I met him outside Brixton Academy about 10 years ago, queuing to see The Roots, and I noticed he had a real sweet drawl when he talked. So being two Southerners in the heart of “souf Landan” with a mutual love for hip-hop, we hit it off instantly.

What gets me up in the morning? I’m one of those rare morning people that wakes up early and raring to go, so after shutting off the alarm clock, I simply think of how blessed I am to see another day.

My perfect weekend is one where the sun’s out and it’s warm so I can just hang out in the park and catch up on a good book. This time of year, I’m happy chilling on my sofa in my flat in Kensington with the heating blasting, eating a lot of comfort food, watching back-to-back comedies starring either Eddie Murphy or Will Farrell. I love those guys.

The biggest faux pas I’ve made was while out with a running collective called Run Dem Crew and I ploughed extremely hard into a bollard. The resounding “oooooooooooooo!!” that followed still haunts me to this day.

Five words to sum up London: Diverse. Urban. Trendy. Creative. Incredible. theculturalexpose.co.uk/ cultureclubphotographyworkshops.co.uk

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AN OPEN LETTER from James Nathan (Managing Director of Topdeck Travel) Growing up in Australia, I always had a great desire to experience the Dawn Service at Gallipoli. Coming together with your fellow Australians and New Zealanders at ANZAC Cove to remember fallen soldiers and commemorate the founding of the ‘ANZAC Spirit’ is an incredibly moving experience. I have been lucky enough to experience the Dawn Service in Turkey on several occasions.

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All Topdeck passengers have the comfort of knowing that their trip payments are 100% guaranteed by Topdeck’s ABTA bonding. In these uncertain times it’s comforting to know your funds are 100% secure. In addition, Topdeck are members of ETOA, WYSE Travel Confederation and USTOA and preferred partners of such big names as Flight Centre, Harvey World Travel, Jetset and Escape Travel.

Being at Gallipoli has also given me the chance to observe the performance of my own company as well as our competitors.

Through my experiences, we have constantly fine-tuned our ANZAC programme and I am now sure that our Gallipoli product is second to none in terms of quality and value for money.

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We have over 30 years experience of group travel, and have been running trips to Gallipoli for longer than any other festivals operator, so we know what you want!

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Finally, all Topdeck passengers will be given my personal phone number in Turkey, hence, in the unlikely event that there is a problem that can’t be resolved by our experienced staff members, I will personally attend to it.

For our 2012 Gallipoli program I can assure you: »

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All Topdeck passengers will stay in 3 to 4 star hotels, all of which in Istanbul are located within walking distance of the Blue Mosque and Grand Bazaar as well as the restaurants and nightlife of Sultanahmet.

All Topdeck trips will be accompanied by experienced Turkish Guides who have been to Gallipoli. Topdeck Turkish guides are paid above the industry average, are highly experienced and have an excellent command of English. We do not cut costs (as some companies do) by supplying a guide who has never visited Gallipoli.

In addition, all Topdeck trips will also be accompanied by one of our own European trained Australian or New Zealand Trip Leaders. Only Topdeck Trip Leaders undergo a rigorous 7 week Training Trip renowned for its quality within the travel industry.

As you can see, at Topdeck we are committed to giving all our passengers superior quality trips. As a preferred supplier to some of the most respected names in the travel industry worldwide, this is our charter.

So, if you are thinking of travelling to Gallipoli this year make sure you talk to us. You have my personal guarantee that we have left no stone unturned to ensure you will have a truly memorable ANZAC trip. This is a once in a life time experience, make sure you do it right.

I invite you all to experience Gallipoli in 2012 the Topdeck way.

Cheers,

All Topdeck passengers will travel in style in some of Turkey’s most modern air conditioned and video equipped coaches.

James Nathan

trips for 18 to 30 somethings

L8291 / Y2992

www.topdeck.travel

LONDONDRINKS

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THE ANGEL AND CROWN

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The unpretentious first-floor dining room

GASTROPUB

This brand spanking new West End gastropub is brought to us by the Martin brothers, responsible for award-winning boozers including The Gun in Tower Hamlets and The Cadogan Arms in Kensington (to name but a few). The restored 18th-century locale is a cosy mix of hunting lodge (spot the stuffed pheasant in a display case) and unflashy watering hole – the first floor dining room, painted a dullish green and white, feels mercifully relaxed in its lack of luxuriousness.

THE GRUB The seasonal British menu is largely spot-on for warming the winter chill in style; pig’s head terrine and snails with bacon and pearl barley inject a welcome flash of creativity, but I’m seduced by the daily special of foie gras and find myself disappointed at a sickly slab of glorified pate. The mains are faultless, though: my roast Cornish plaice with tenderstem broccoli, crayfish and sorrel butter is delicately complex, and an order of braised rabbit, grain mustard, faggots, bacon and peas is impressively tender and indulgently rich in flavour.

THE SCENE

BEHIND THE BAR Cask ales and rotating seasonal brews from £3.50; a lengthy wine list from £4.10 a glass. The staff seems knowledgeable about the drinks and can recommend the right flavours to go with your food if you ask.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £5.50; mains from £11.

VERDICT Unpretentious with great food, this could be your new favourite central hangout.

LAURA CHUBB

58 St Martin’s Lane, Covent Garden, WC2N 4EA

3 OF THE BEST PIES

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theangelandcrown.com

Covent Garden

RENAISSANCE PUBS THE WINDMILL

EAT MY PIES

With the pi-squared menu, pubs such as The Avalon in Clapham and Kennington’s Tommyfield will be serving square pies for the price of, er, pi squared (£9.85). Fillings include fish pie and rabbit, chorizo and butterbean.

If street food is more your style, head to Broadway Market on a Saturday or White Cross Street on Thursdays and Fridays for this stall. The chorizo fillings and pork pies are well worth making the trek for.

renaissancepubs.co.uk

Eat at this Mayfair third-time winner of the National Pie award this Pie Week (March 5-11). Try its famous all-day breakfast pie, or go for a pie of the day, which comes with a free expertly matched wine or 1/3 pint of ale all week. windmillmayfair.co.uk

eatmypies.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Traditional with modern quirks in Fulham

THE BON BON BAR Ever wondered what happens if you mix burlesque, booze and sweets?

The folks at Volupte obviously wanted to know as they’ve launched The Bon Bon Bar, with jars of brightly coloured candy and sweet-toothed cocktails along with the usual risque dancing. Try Miss Marshmallow, with raspberry and vanilla vodka, topped with a fluffy marshmallow, or Candy Cane with Koko Kanu, blue Curacao and a striped candy cane. volupte-lounge.com

FREE ANTIPASTI Pizza East Portobello is offering free antipasti plates to celebrate its new aperitivo menu. If you order an Italianinspired cocktail (think Aperol spritzers and vermouth cocktails), £7.50, you’ll get a selection of tasty antipasti including beef carpaccio, grilled sardines, lardo and pear crostini and Italian meats and cheeses. The deal is on offer from Monday to Wednesday, between 5pm and 7pm. Yum. pizzaeastportobello.com

Photos: Giles Christopher - Media Wisdom

HOLI MOLY This Thursday (March 8) marks Holi, the Indian festival of colour, and there’ll be foodie events all across London. The Cinnamon Kitchen is offering a free cocktail if you say “Holi Water” when ordering the special menu (£35pp) until March 10. For south-west Indian coastal cuisine, hit Trishna in Marylebone, which will be decked out in vibrant colour and serving up four courses for £35.50pp.

Make sure you wear plenty of colour.

COCK TAVERN BRITISH THE SCENE Newly refurbed Fulham pub that puts the emphasis on atmosphere and fun. High ceilings are accentuated with mirrors (some on the ceiling) and stylish lighting, with pop art scattered on the walls, and a mix of bubble seats, bar stools and booths, which come with an old rotary-dial phone with a direct link to the bar for ordering in cocktails. It’s quirky without being pretentious.

THE GRUB The emphasis is on the ‘sharing and grazing’ plates, which are diverse and include the ‘glorious’ fish pie, toad in the hole, lasagne, sticky bourbon barbecue ribs, and ham hock terrine, alongside the pub-ready beef burger, and cock in cider, a whole roast chicken with Aspall’s for two. We plump for the even more traditional Sunday roasts: the Dingley Dell Pork Belly with baked apple is sumptuous, with soft yet crunchy pork scratching and generously served seasonal veg. The 21 day-aged sirloin of beef matches its pork partner every step of the way – a succulent, tender and satisfying roast that boasts an embarrassingly large, fluffed up Yorkshire pud to boot. The sticky toffee pudding is a syrupy delight (caramel ice cream completes the indulgence) and the cheese board offers a diverse meal-finishing variety that challenges the palette.

The house red El Roto rioja is a decent table staple, and is supported by a suitably diverse array of mid-range wines, new world and old, with ales and ciders (Vedett, Blue Moon) that offer a different choice to the high street regular offenders, along with a few choice long drinks, too.

BILL PLEASE Sharing platters from £4; brunch from £7; mains from £9.50; desserts from £5. Wine from £3.90 a glass and ales from £4.40 a bottle.

VERDICT Ideal for groups and for couples alike; the decor and carefully sectioned floorplan offer a homely but memorable venue. The menu more than matches its aesthetics successes for a pub that lives up to its intent to be everyone’s favourite local, whether you’re from the area or not. ALASDAIR MORTON BEHIND THE BAR

cinnamon-kitchen.com / trishnalondon.com 360 North End Road, Fulham, SW6 1LY

cocktavern.co.uk

Fulham Broadway

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@TNT GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Newborns: a decision for doctors?

Text TNT and your message to

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Kylie is to perform at Her Maj’s diamond jubilee. does this mean we’ll see the Queen doing the Locomotion?

Jean A New York couple gets rained on by poo from a plane. See, shit happens.

Becky I was asked to donate clothes for starving people. I laughed hard; if they can fit in my clothes they’re not starving.

Paul I Just heard Davy Jones died. I thought Will Turner stabbed him?

Milky Engelbert Humperdink is to enter Eurovision.

He’s probably one of the few who remembers a time when England last won.

Jimbob With all the plastic, the Oscars looked like a Star Wars bar scene.

Kate I Just flew Cathy Pacific and the Spurs were all over the sports channels. They must be fans. COYS!!

Aston Re Laura chubb’s column (TNT 1478) about adele at the brits: yes, I very much wanted to hear her speech. not saying that she’s more important than the news in syria, but she’s way more important than blur. who cares about blur?!

Fel Bar

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Apparently the ‘public’ has spoken: Natasha Giggs – the cheating featherbrain who couldn’t keep her muff in her pants, so bunked down with the brother of her own husband – could be nominated as Celebrity Mother Of The Year 2012.

She no doubt caused untold heartache for her family, and has since proceeded to cash in on the scandal.

What a role model.

Cheryl, Putney

DO THE MATH The boss of TGI Friday’s is hardly a reliable expert on the number of dating partners British women have. If a woman is seeing 1.46 men at any one time, as its recent study claims, there must be a lot of “benchwarmers”. The 48/52 (male/female) ratio means, in simple arithmetic, that every man is seeing 1.58 women at any one time.

Matthew Lao, via Facebook.

GETTING REAL Deputy PM Nick Clegg is an over-privileged idiot if he thinks it is easy to get a job in the UK. I know plenty of students who have applied everywhere – even supermarkets – but no jobs avail. He seems out of touch with reality.

Aziza Al Busaidy, Facebook.

LIFE CYCLES Having been a careful car driver for many years, I’m not prepared to be castigated for spiralling cyclist deaths on roads. Every day I see sanctimonious cyclists dicing with death just to save a few seconds: cutting up the inside of vehicles, jumping red lights, wearing earphones and cycling at night with no lights. These pig-ignorant hypocrites must stick to road rules too.

Tony White, Earlsfield

AUCKLAND /36 THE SAMI /68

We are far from settling the debate about the rights of a foetus, and now an Oxford boffin suggests doctors should decide whether newborns have a right to live. It’s an interesting point. If someone is born severely disabled, without the prospect of a functioning body or faculties, then why shouldn’t their future be determined – by their parents, with the advice of a medical professional? The burden needs to be weighed up.

Stu Brody, Tooting Stu wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker. shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @notgareth Lucy Liu set to play Watson in American take on Sherlock Holmes. Please let this be bullshit. @wellminted Occupy London eviction went easy. Know what that means? They ran outta coin for spliff. @becbah Any tips for Stockholm? Must beat my BF in comp for best day planned.

YOUR FACEBOOK Follow us on facebook/tntmagazine

Amanda-Jane Peach: On a leap year proposal: Brad Pitt doesn’t appear to be getting my messages.

Angie’s leg is running interference.

Lara Jones: Seen in Metro: Apparently Paul Rudd is our ex-PM. I’ve been away from Oz a while but this is news to me!

Nicole Waters: On the right to kill babies at birth: This is really fucked up! Adopt it out! There are plenty of deserving people who can’t have a baby.

Photos: Thinkstock

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E& MGOYROPCCTO

www.topdeck.travel/deals

20% UP TO

10 DAY

MOROCCAN EXPLORER Dep. 23 Mar 2012

OFF! *

WAS £605

NOW

£555

Includes £110 Local Payment

9 DAY

EGYPT EXPRESS Dep. 24 Apr 2012

WAS £290

20 DAY

EGYPT, JORDAN & ISRAEL Dep. 1 Apr 2012

WAS £2010

Includes US$135 Local Payment

£1650

NOW

NOW

£269

Includes US$345 Local Payment

n U K Golde Backpack

NER WIaN vourite F st Middle Ear Operato As voted by you!

trips for 18 to 30 somethings L8291 / Y2992

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*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.63, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Subject to availability.

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LONDON FASHION WEEKEND 2012 Somerset House.

Thursday, February 23 Photos by: Anna Lawrence / TNT Images

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LONDONSOUND

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Unmissble: Florence ups the ante at her live shows

festival

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BESTIVAL

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY MAR 8-10 | DOORS AT 7PM | £40

Sept 6-9. Robin Hill Country Park, Isle of Wight. £180

bestival.net

Rob Da Bank curates this four-day music love-in, now in its ninth year, with Saturday headliners New Order (minus Peter Hook), alongside The XX, Sigur Ros, Justice, Two Door Cinema Club, Orbital, Friendly Fires, Soulwax, Azealia Banks, Hot Chip, and more. The best way to see out festival season.

The goth-indie-pop singer-songwriter that had an essential debut and went one further with last year’s Ceremonials headlines three nights at Alexandra Palace, crowning a career that has gone from breakout star to indie queen and beyond in just three short years.

Part of old Florence’s secret has been to be quirky enough to stand apart but without abandoning her mainstream appeal (something Bat For Lashes has managed with less All Pally-residency-staging success). Or, to put it more simply, the secret’s been to write catchy pop tracks that stick in your head and to saddle these with unmissable, scintillating live shows.

The lady formerly known as Florence Welch raced out of the blocks with 2009’s Lungs, an attention-catching debut of indie-flavoured goth-pop with energy and hooks that left few unturned. The Dog Days Are Coming, debut single Kiss With A Fist and the all-conquering You Got The Love, with heavy airplay and soundtrack placing, meant this swiftly became more than just another debut. But Florence was to go one bigger in every respect with last year’s follow up.

She took the ingredients that made Lungs work and amped them, as they say, all the way to 11 on the number one spot-nabbing Ceremonials. Some criticised it for its bombast, grandeur, and unapologetic epic-ness, but most, rightly, embraced it for this very reason. This three-night stand will give Florence and her machine the stage for the grandstanding celebration the record deserves.

Wood Green

alexandrapalace.com

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NEW BAND

THE DUKE SPIRIT GIG WED, MAR 7. 7PM £13.50

This London group have been out of the limelight for a while after they toured their sophomore record Neptune to the masses.

They’re back, though, to carry on where they left off with a refocused energy fuelling their own brand of rock n’ roll-infused soul and blues as seen on last year’s third album Bruiser.

Koko 1a Camden High Street, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

VIPER

MINISTRY OF SOUNDS PRESENTS ...

CLUB

CLUB

FRI, MAR 9. 10PM-6AM £10

THURS, MAR 8. 7PM-1AM Free

D&B imprint Viper return to this London Bridge venue for a second time after their boneshuddering debut in December with the finest drum & bass, dubstep and electro. Matrix and Futurehead topline the main room, and Dillinja will be serving up his finest Valve Classics selection, with Napt headlining next door.

The decade of shoulder pads, pastel jackets, massive earrings and leg warmers makes a comeback at this weekly night playing the finest Eighties electronic music anthems.

Madonna, New Order, Grandmaster Flash and Talking Heads, to name but a few, turn back the clock alongside funk and classic house.

Cable Bermondsey Street Tunnel, SE1 3JW London Bridge cable-london.com

Hed Kandi Bar SW4 7UR Clapham North hedkandi.com/clapham

DARLINGTONS THE BUZZ SO FAR This Somerset foursome play anthemic and decidedly euphoric guitar music that is far more suited to a larger stage than the lads currently occupy.

Pulsing bass lines and driving drums form the fuzzed out rhythmic backdrop for the sweet vocals and indie-styled guitars that positively soar over the top of these tunes.

Expect tales of longed-for escapism and broken dreams that the boys have been running in to shape during the last six months or so they’ve spent on the road.

THE CRITICS SAY “Drawing influences from many but managing to sound like none.” Music Week THE PLUG

New single Bats is released March 19 through Ordered Records. Debut album

Photos: Dave Hogan, Cory Schwartz

Decades Dance due in May.

TEAM ME + UNO MOLLER

HEROES

DZ DEATHRAYS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

WED, MAR 7. 7PM £8

SAT, MAR 10. 10PM £13

MAR 6-8. 8PM £3

This Norwegian group’s debut album To The Trees is a gorgeous collection of rhythms and vocal harmonies wrapped up in shimmering electro-pop – a little akin to a more wide-eyed and childlike Arcade Fire. The Oslo sextet take to the London stage, with support from fellow countryman and part-time Team Me-er Moller.

Scottee, Oozing Gloop & Lily Dean host with special guests on the decks Butch, former Bugged Out resident JoJo De Freq, Mark Storie, Warboy and Kris Di Angelis at Egg’s flagship tech house night which boasts superstar DJs alongside exciting up-and-coming talent across its three rooms.

Famed for their brutal live shows, this full-on garage-thrash pop-rock duo from Down Under arrive in town to stake their claim to being the most energetic, party-shaking rock band going.

With three nights at this residency to cement this claim, you can expect them to deliver the unexpected.

Lexington 96-98 Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB Angel thelexington.co.uk

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AP King’s Cross egglondon.com

The Old Blue Last 38 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES Old Street theoldbluelast.com

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 5 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

BOOK NOW!

Yoyo DJs Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, garage and grime, plus live performances from Lily McKenzie, EJ and F Stokes.

Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

7pm-late. £4, free before 9pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam spin pop and carnival classics. Walkabout Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033).

8pm-midnight. £5, free before 8pm.

Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, £1 before 10.30pm, mems free before 10.30pm.

Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk, salsa and reggae.

Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028).

9pm-late. £7, concs £4.

Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm.

Tins On Toast Indie, pop and electro from Steve Harris, Liam Young, Ed Wilder and Bandangos.

The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

7pm-late. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3.

TUESDAY 6 Jamm Sandwich Eddie Pillar, Arthur Baker and Lascelle Gordon spin pop, hip-hop, R‘n’B and dance hits. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976).

6.30pm-late. £5, £3 guestlist.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS £3.

Ruby Tuesdays Pop, R‘n’B and 1980s from Sandra D and Joe Grohl. Ku Bar, Lisle St, WC2H 7BA (020 7437 4303). 9pm-late. Free.

FRIDAY 9

MAJOR LAZER Shepherd’s Bush Empire. Thurs, April 19. £17.50 DJs Dilpo and Switch (above) bring their mad-capped electro Major Lazer show to town, with MC Skerrit Boy and dancers adding spice to the bash.

W12 8TT

Shep Bush

o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 7 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, electro and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS £4, guestlist £3.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Deviation Hudson Mohawke and Benji B spin house, hip-hop, electronica and dub, plus MC Judah. Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888). 9pm-2am. £7.

Fat Poppa Daddys Resident DJs spin hip-hop, funk, electro, house, dubstep and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

11pm-2am. £5, free before midnight.

Madd Raff Wednesdays The Heatwave supply bashment and dancehall, plus a dance session with dancehall instructor Safwaan Shoshoni of Pineapple Studios. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992).

7pm-1am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Symptomatic Presents Resident DJs spin rock, plus a live performance from Spotlight Kid. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600).

7pm-late. £8, adv £6.

The Tuesday Night Project DJ Matt and Julio Bravo spin chart, party, dance and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. Free.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop.

Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus spin electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, £4 mailing list.

UKF Presents Boregore, Document One, Tomba, XKore, Mojo and Koven spin dubstep, plus MC Maksim.

Villain, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-2.30am. Free.

22

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THURSDAY 8 Bad Sex Mayton DJs, Fin Munro and Phaze One spin electro, indie and disco.

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm2.30am. £5, NUS £3, guestlist free.

Fabriclive: Eglo 3rd Birthday DJs Alexander Nut and Funkineven spin electro, drum ‘n’ bass and dubstep, with live performances from Floating Points, ARP 101 and Eglo Records Live Band featuring Fatima, Olivier Day Soul and Shaunise. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 9pm-2am. £12.50.

It’s Your Birthday Resident DJs spin pop, rock ‘n’ roll, disco, electro and hip-hop.

The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm, concs £3.

Latin Krazy DJs spin salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton, plus salsa dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

Old Skool Thursdays Resident DJs supply R‘n’B, dancehall, funk, soca and old skool. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (020 8993 2915).

10pm-late. £5, free before 11pm.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins commercial dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. £5, £3 mems, free before 9pm.

Sounds Of The Underground DJs Fuzzy Logik, Pioneer, Naughty, Ma1, Hard House Banton, Good Vibe Clive and Apple spin dubstep and deep house. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-3am. £5.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer before midnight/ ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

Bangface 84 DJs Ratpack, Luna C, Bong Ra, Limewax, Chris Liberator, Michael Forshaw, Wan Bushi, Rrritalin, Thrasher and Saint Acid spin hardcore, electronica, acid, jungle and techno.

Electrowerkz, Torrens St, EC1V 1NQ (020 7837 6419). 10pm-6am. £12.

The Gallery Simon Patterson, TyDi, DJ Ahn, Gavyn Mytchel, Paul Morrell, Kane Harris & Shane Long, Dale Chambers & Jim, Jay Deep, Darren James, Paul Pure and House Beat Heroes spin trance, electro, house and techno. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £14, concs/mems £10.

Ghana Independence DJs spin Ghanaian hip-hop and R‘n’B, plus live performances from Keche, Gasmilla and Fuse.

The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). 9pm-4am. £15.

Hush Ibiza Vs Vinylogy DJs Paul Hill, Soul Rider, Jimi Deja, Roland London, Nick Chin and Matt Walker spin house and electro. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322).

10pm-7am. £12, £8 before midnight.

Love Hate Agent!, Tomoki Tamura, Jon & Leon, Hirokishiga, Mampi Swift, Macpherson, Bryan Gee and Stun Residents spin drum ‘n’ bass and techno across two rooms. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

10pm-6am. £10, adv £8.

Noisily Festival DJs Joachim Pastor, Hot Toddy, Real Nice, Jasper, Alter 8 spin electro, techno and funk. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-5am. £12, adv £10.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, electro, dance anthems and commercial dance. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453).

10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Panda Don’t Disco Resident DJs spin funk, disco, house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Roller Disco Old-school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat.

Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

Shifted DJs Foamo, Maribou State and Dan Johnson spin house and electronica. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-3.30am. £10, £8 before 11pm, adv £5.

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SATURDAY 10 Audio Whore DJs Karizma, Wbeeza, DJ Majesty, Mark Radford, Nick Doe, Steven Cee and Deadly Anticx spin house, R‘n’B and bashment. The House And Terrace, Boord St, SE10 0PF (020 8293 6669).

11pm-6am. £15, adv £10.

Bugged Out! The Chemical Brothers (DJ set), L-Vis 1990, Daniel Avery and James Holroyd spin house, techno, electro and funk. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

9.30pm-5.30am. £20.

Fabric Craig Richards, Matt Tolfrey, Laura Jones, Terry Francis, Surgeon and Josh T spin electro, house and techno, plus Genius Of Time and Martin Buttrich perform live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-8am. Adv inc CD £23, £19, adv £18, NUS £12, £10 after 4am.

Haven’t Stopped Dancing Yet! DJ Lord Ant spins soul, funk and disco from the 1970s and 1980s, plus a dance class with Ali Golding.

Saint Swithun’s Church Hall, Hither Green Ln, SE13 6QE (07967 163247).

7.30pm-11.30pm. £12, adv £10.

Kinky Malinki Presents Papaya Showcase DJs Alex Kenji, Marco Lys, Kid Massive and D Ramirez mix house, electro and techno.

Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 7482 3867). 10pm-6am. £20.

The Purim Party DJ Alex Clare spins dubstep, soul and rock.

The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443).

9pm-late. £20, adv £15, early bird £10.

Regenerate Phoenix 6, Airtight, James Dymond, Richard Boucher and Dominik Mori spin house, techno and trance. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

Saved Nic Fanciulli, Robert Dietzm, Guti, Subb-an, Italoboyz, Nikola Gala, Mark Fanciulli, Platinum, Freaky Electronique, Trent Gently, C Randall, Miss Tourettes, Junior Is Dead and Fernando De La Rosso spin electro, house and techno.

The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 11pm-7am. £18.

SUNDAY 11 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maximus, Lee Edwards and Roch-Mix-Hard spin house and techno. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136).

11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight.

The Shapeshifters The duo spin house, plus Jason Chance, Pete Griffiths, Matt Smallwood, So Called Scumbags and James Dexter.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

Showtime DJ F-Sound spins house and electro. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, adv £5, ladies free before 11.30pm.

WetYourSelf! Cormac, Peter Pixzel and Jacob Husley spin electro and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

11pm-6am. £10, NUS £7, adv £5.

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MUSICLISTINGS

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MONDAY 5 Baddies Indie-rock by the Londonbased band. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.50.

The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion Roots and garage-rock by the New York-based band. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £17.50.

BOOK NOW!

Avery Sunshine The American singer-songwriter and pianist plays gospel-infused R‘n’B and soul. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £19.50.

Andrew Bird, Dosh Indierock by the Chicago-based multi-instrumentalist.

Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15-£22.50.

FRIDAY 9

Dawes, Robert Ellis Country-rock by the Los Angeles-based band.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50.

Murray James Contemporary soul by the London-based singer-songwriter. The Enterprise, Haverstock Hill, NW3 2BL (020 7485 2659). £10.

Richie Kotzen, Porn Queen The American singer-songwriter and guitarist plays blues-infused rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Labrinth Hip-hop and R‘n’B from London-based singersongwriter, Timothy McKenzie.

Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £15.

The Dogbones Garage-punk and grunge by the London-based band.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £7, concs £5.

CHRIS CORNELL London Palladium. Mon, Jun 18. £35 The former Soundgarden man, last seen in ill-fated supergroup Audioslave, runs through his back catalogue in this stripped-back acoustic show.

W1F 7TF

Oxford Circus

WEDNESDAY 7 Attack Attack! Metalcore band from Columbus, Ohio.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £10.

Momus Experimental rock

by Osaka-based Nicholas Currie. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £10, adv £8.

Big Boy Bloater, John Lewis Chicago blues and classic R‘n’B by the Aldershot-based singer. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50.

O’Hooley And Tidow Alt folk with classical influences from the Huddersfield-based duo.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

The Bullitts Writer, producer and musician Jeymes Samuel leads his alt pop, electronica and hip-hop combo. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.

TUESDAY 6 Adam Ant The veteran rocker performs an acoustic set accompanied by The Good, The Mad & The Lovely guitarist Tom Edwards. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). £16.50.

The Duke Spirit Alt rock from the London-based fivepiece. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £13.50.

DZ Deathrays The Australian two-piece plays energetic, electronic-infused thrash rock.

The Old Blue Last, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES (020 7739 7033). £3.

Band Of Skulls Garage-flavoured alt rock by the London-based combo. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £17.50.

Fleshgod Apocalypse The Italian five-piece plays death metal. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). £12.

Chiddy Bang The American outfit plays alternative hiphop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £12.50.

Group Doueh Guitar music from Western Sahara, by the Dakhla-based band. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £14, adv £12, two day pass £21.

Future Islands, Way Through Visceral electronica and tender synth-pop from the Baltimore-based threepiece. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £9.

Kate Miller-Heidke The Australian singer-songwriter performs pop and rock from her album Liberty Bell. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £10.

Page 44 The Birminghambased four-piece plays pop-rock. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £7.

The Silver Seas Folk-rock from the Nashville-based four-piece. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £13.

Nick Lowe, Geraint Watkins Pop-rock by the veteran singersongwriter. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £32.50.

Laura Marling The awardwinning singer-songwriter and musician plays contemporary folk in support of her album A Creature I Don’t Know. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £17.50 & £26.50.

londonpalladium.org

THURSDAY 8 Claudia Aurora The Bristolbased Portuguese singersongwriter performs Fado music. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £15.

Florence + The Machine Singersongwriter Florence Welch leads her outfit in playing indie and folk-influenced pop in support of the album Ceremonials. Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY (020 8365 2121). £29.50.

Justin Furstenfeld Indie-rock by the Texan singer-songwriter.

Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £19.50.

The Jayhawks The American outfit plays alternative country and rock.

Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £20-£27.50.

Killing Joke, The Icarus Line Dark and intense rock with strong industrial and post-punk overtones by Jaz Coleman, back with the original line-up.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £23.50.

LMFAO, Far East Movement, Colette Carr Electronic hip-hop from the American two-piece. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £14.50.

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart The New York-based four-piece plays indie-pop.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £16.

Alan Price Soulful poprock from the former member of The Animals. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £14.

The Olivia Tremor Control Indierock from the American outfit.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £17, adv £15.50.

Rubberbandits The Limerickbased duo performs hiphop. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £15.

Three Trapped Tigers Alt rock instrumentals by the London-based outfit. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). £11.50.

School Of Seven Bells Electro-pop from the Brooklynbased duo. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £15, adv £13.50.

Siavash Ghomayshi Iranian music by the singer-composer from Dezful. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £45-£60.

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings Retro soul and a Motown feel from the Brooklyn-based singer, with her backing band. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £22.50.

SATURDAY 10 John Baily & Veronica Doubleday Traditional Afghan songs from the duo. Morley College, Westminster Bridge Rd, SE1 7HT (020 7928 8501). £15.

Cannibal Corpse Pioneering death metal by the band from Buffalo. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £20.

Fairport Convention Classic rock and folk ensemble.

Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £23.

FM The five-piece plays classic rock.

O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.50.

Vic Godard & Subway Sect Veteran punk band from London. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £12, adv £10.

Chas Hodges & His Band One half of boisterous rock ‘n’ roll duo Chas & Dave plays cult Cockney songs.

The Cavendish Arms, Hartington Rd, SW8 2HJ (020 7498 7464). £12.

London Guitar Festival: David Gibb And Elly Lucas The twopiece from Derbyshire performs folk. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £9.50.

The Jude, Christina Novelli Indie and pop-punk by the Londonbased band. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £15.

Manteca Latin and salsa from the Colombian-based singer Martha Acosta and her band. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

Karnataka Contemporary prog rock by the London-based band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £15.

Rory McLeod Folk singersongwriter and storyteller.

Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £15.

Hugh Masekela Modern and mainstream jazz from the world-famous South African trumpeter. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891/ cc 020 7638 8891). £10-£27.50.

Motown’s Greatest Hits: How Sweet It Is... Motown and soul show celebrating the music of The Four Tops, The Temptations and other genre favourites.

Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £21, adv £20.

Reuben Richards & Soul Train Blues, funk and soul by the London-based band. Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £10-£30.

Maverick Sabre Contemporary soul from the London-born singersongwriter. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £15.

Neonfly Heavy metal by the London-based band.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £9.

Vetusta Morla Alt rock by the band from Madrid. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). £22.

The Stranglers Classic punkrock by the veteran band.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £26.

Sanjay Subrahmanyan, Amjad Ali Khan The vocalist performs music from the Carnatic (or South Indian) tradition. Wigmore Hall, Wigmore St, W1U 2BF (020 7935 2141). £15-£30.

Tower Of Power Funk and soul by the well-established band from the USA. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £45-£60.

Versus Indie-rock by the New York band. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10.

Hank Wangford Country from the singer-songwriter.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £12.50.

WOW: Women Of The World Festival 2012: Equals Live 2012 Hosted by Annie Lennox. Featuring Katy B, Jess Mills and Emeli Sandé.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £35-£50, concs £17.50-£25.

WOW: Women Of The World Festival 2012: Sinead O’Connor The Irish-born singer-songwriter plays folk-influenced pop-rock.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £22.50 & £27.50, concs £11.25 & £13.75.

SUNDAY 11 Bane, Cruel Hand, Rotting Out Hardcore punk by the American outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Bodyslam Rock combo from Thailand. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £40-£50.

Earth, Mount Eerie, O Paon Drone and doom from the Seattle-based outfit. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £17, adv £15.

Hiperkarma The Hungarian outfit plays rock. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £18.

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23

BIKETO BRUSSELS 8 –11 JUNE 2012

With more enthusiastic requests than we could count, it is with great pleasure that we welcome back Bike to Brussels.

We’ve pulled out all the stops to make this year’s ride the most enjoyable yet.

Your weekender starts in Calais. After a night’s rest (or night out if you’re up for it) you’ll enjoy a picturesque route to Belgium, though the history steeped town of Ieper. On Sunday we’re off to Brussels, where you’ll enjoy a celebratory dinner before discovering the delights of the city.

Add the motorbike escort, new and old friends and local hospitality and we’re sure you’ll have the trip of your life.

The £450 fee covers your travel, three nights accommodation and all your meals. We’d like you to raise £500 sponsorship to support our cause.

For more information and an application form please contact Madeleine Bowler on 020 3465 9169 or email mbowler@britishlegion.org.uk Reg. Charity No. 219279

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Nik Kaloper The drummer from Sydney goth-popsters The Jezabels on thrash metal, Mecca bingo and tour bus crosswords INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

You played London club Koko on your February tour of the UK, how did it go?

It was packed out and a lot of fun. It was our first show of the tour so it was nerve-wracking.

Your impression of England has been it’s a land of real estate programmes and online bingo ...

Obviously I won’t make an assumption on a whole country based on two hours of daytime TV, but if I was to do so then, yes, that would be my assumption of the UK. They seem very popular pastimes.

You haven’t taken up bingo then?

No, none of us is an avid player. Our rehearsal studios are right next door to Mecca bingo, though, so we might.

How did you prepare for this tour with new album Prisoner giving you a wealth of new material to choose from?

We did 48 hours of rehearsal in the week leading up to the first show. Sometimes we try not to take it too seriously and other times we definitely do. We wanted to put a really good show together and play a few songs we have never played before.

What led you to do a trilogy of EPs – The Man Is Dead, She’s So Hard and Dark Storm – before Prisoner?

We decided to do a trilogy because we didn’t feel ready for a whole album. After Dark Storm in Nov ‘10, we toured for a month and then locked ourselves away for six to write the album.

Photos: Pip

How do London shows fare compared to other towns?

The smaller cities can be more energetic than the capital where people stand there with their arms folded. It can be a bit like: ‘Entertain me!’

Melbourne can be like that, they don’t want to show you they’re having a good time.

Do you get a lot of Aussies at your shows?

There was a small contingency of people jumping around and acting out at one of our gigs the other night. Just tomfoolery. I would have put money on the fact they were from

Nik (right) with fellow Jezabels Australia, they have a trademark enthusiasm that can be seen at gigs.

You all met at Sydney University ...

Originally, Hailey (Mary – vocals) and Heather (Shannon – keyboards) were writing folk songs in Byron Bay – they had known each other since high school. Sam (Lockwood – guitar) had lived up there, too, but didn’t know them until they were all at Sydney uni where they recognised each other and got together. They had entered a band competition at the university but didn’t have a drummer, and Sam mentioned on campus they were looking for someone for rehearsals and I said: ‘Sure, why not?’ Three weeks later we played the band competition.

Did it take a while for you to find your feet musically?

It took a while to figure out what we were all about; there are very few bands we all agree on and like. I listen to our first EP and can’t imagine us writing songs like that now. It took two to three years of gigging, writing and practising for us to find somewhere that we were all comfortable together, and that turned out to be gothic, epic pop.

Is that different to the music you were into before?

Before this band, I was into a lot of Seattle

Nineties grunge and a lot of metal. My old band was a metal band, but you won’t find much trace of us, we only put out one EP and played a few shows back home. But thrash metal let me drum as loud and as fast as I could all the time, which is not appropriate for this band.

Do you live up to the drummer stereotype, the party animal?

Haha. The last person at a bar is most likely going to be me, but it is laughable sometimes how much of a rock ‘n’ roll band we aren’t.

It’s not all sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll on the road then?

No, most of the time we just sit down and read books and do crosswords – we are big on crosswords! We have the Sydney Morning Herald back home that we are obsessed with.

No crazy stories, just crazy crosswords!

How has being in this band changed you?

The Jezabels really opened me up to loads of different kinds of music. I went to see M83 recently, not a band I would have typically been in to before. When you’re open to new things, you have your mind blown all the time.

The Jezabels’ debut album Prisoner is out March 5 through Play It Again Sam

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25

LONDONSCENE

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Have you seen that rare 19th-century copy of The Smith’s How Soon Is Now?

THE RAVEN FILM review by Tom Sturrock STARRING: John Cusack, Alice Eve, Luke Evans | 15 | 111mins

JOHN CARTER FILM STARRING: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins 12A | 131mins

‘Disney-do-Avatar’ is the description for this 3D spectacle, an adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ 1911 novel in which a Civil War cavalaryman (Kitsch) is zapped to Mars where he battles 12-foot-tall green-skinned aliens.

The industry buzz predicts box office problems, though, for the Mouse House’s £158m+ gamble, which has work to do just to break even.

On general release from Friday

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In Baltimore in the 1840s, someone is committing grisly murders based on the stories of Edgar Allen Poe (John Cusack). When the killer kidnaps Poe’s fiancee (Alice Eve), the writer joins police in trying to catch the psychopath he has inspired. Sadly, this intriguing, high-concept premise soon becomes unwieldy and, as the dead pile up, The Raven gropes in vain for its own pulse.

We’re told repeatedly by other characters that Poe “has a darkness” but there is precious little of it on screen; Cusack, reheating his cynical record store owner from High Fidelity, never convinces as truly tortured. Equally, the film fails to build any sense of dread or make the most of its period setting. Requisite shots of alleys shrouded in fog aside, there is no more atmosphere than in an episode of CSI. Luke Evans’ sidekick cop, ostensibly the second lead, seems to be in the film solely to give Cusack someone to talk to while explaining the references to Poe’s stories to keep the audience in the loop. A DVD commentary will excise the need for him to feature at all – maybe an older, less pretty actor would have brought some much-needed gravitas while still ticking the same expositional boxes.

The film develops some tempo two-thirds in and Cusack raises his game with the heightened stakes. But it is fleeting. The big reveal, while not entirely predictable, still has the ring of cliché. Indeed, one character even mentions the “unsatisfying denouement”, a jarring example of the way The Raven is diminished rather than emboldened by its writerly lyricism and winking cleverness.

GOOD FOR: Those determined to make excuses for everything Cusack appears in

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GIVE US A

JACK WHITEHALL

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The young comedian who stars as posh student JP in the ace university-sitcom Fresh Meat brings his Let’s Not Speak Of This Again show to the Apollo. The gig cements his arrival in the funnyman big time and will be recorded for Whitehall’s first live DVD, too, so get down there to be part of comedy-history being made.

Ha ha!

Hammersmith Apollo W6 9QH. Mar 9 & 10. £20. Hammersmith. venues.meanfiddler.com/apollo

ALL ABOUT EVE

IN BASILDON

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

More than 100 images by the celebrated photojournalist Eve Arnold comprise this career-retrospective which includes portraits and images from the Pennsylvanian-born photographer’s travels in Afghanistan, China and Russia. This is the first exhibition of Arnold’s work since she died in London this year.

Sisters Maureen and Doreen haven’t spoken to each other for 20 years. Even as they flank their 60-year-old brother Len’s deathbed (he gurgles his last as we watch) they still refuse to address each other in David Eldridge’s eminently watchable, blackly comic new play which keeps its secrets till the final scene. LK

Art Sensus 7 Howick Place, SW1P 1BB. Until Apr 27. Free Victoria artsensus.com

Royal Court Theatre SW1W 8AS. Until Mar 24. £10-£18.

Sloane Square royalcourttheatre.com

DIANCE SPENCER What’s your show about? The time I tried to get home after a gig and had blood on my shirt – I injured myself in a disgusting fashion.

It has car-jacking ferrets in it...

Mother has a habit of “getting involved” even if that means trapping a vicious animal in her car and calling me to rescue her. It’s more my parents: Dad pissed in a field and the cows tried to stampede him out of it, but he’s old and he couldn’t stop peeing as they ran towards him.

Photos: Manuel Harlan

What’s the oddest heckle you’ve had? “You need to get laid.” If you’ve heard my stories, you know this is extremely odd.

BEL AMI

SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN

FILM

THEATRE

Robert Pattinson aims to lose those Cullen ties with this role as a young man in 1890s Paris who schemes, manipulates and sleeps his way to wealth and fame without resorting to shiny skin or emo-pouting. He’ll have to hold his own opposite a trio of reliably impressive actresses – Uma Thurman, Christina Ricci and Kristin Scott Thomas – in a role that puts his skills to the test.

Exuberantly choreographed and packed with hummable tunes, Jonathan Church’s stage version of the famous 1952 film starring Gene Kelly – a story of romance set in Hollywood in 1927 when the talkies were poised to take over the silent screen – is guaranteed to swoosh away your worries and send you home happy.LK

On general release from Friday

Palace Theatre W1V 8AY. Until Sept 29. £15-£65 Leicester Square palacetheatrelondon.org

What was your first gig? Six minutes in New Zealand, about family. I was so nervous it was just a blinding light and my heartbeat.

It went well, in that I didn’t faint.

How did you celebrate winning the best Newcomer Chortle Award 2011? I spent a week grinning and skipping!

All Pervading Madness Soho Theatre, 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Mar 9 & 10. £12.50.

Oxford Circus

sohotheatre.com

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27

Shazam: the magic hands of Hans Klok

Hans and Rihanna at London Fashion Week 28

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The punishment for 80s hairdos is a little harsh

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LONDONFOCUS

The great pretender It's cheesy and incredibly outdated, but we found hair-tastic Hans Klok's Vegas-style cabaret magic show captivating. You will too WORDS ALASADIR MORTON

The first thing you notice about Hans Klok, the “fastest magician in the world“, is his hair. A blond mane of epic proportions that’s halfway between an Eighties Duran Duran video and Mufasa from The Lion King. It’s a style designed for the stage and for performance, and so it couldn’t be more suited to its owner, the energetic, acrobatic, Dutch magician, who brings his circus-cum-magic show The Houdini Experience to the capital for a five-week run.

London is, in many respects, the home of magic as a large crowd performance show – something Klok, a performer with 25 years’ experience and a six-month-running Las Vegas show, The Beauty Of Magic, under his belt, knows.

“It’s good to have the show in London because 100 years ago it was the biggest city in the world for magic. There was even a theatre here, The Egyptian Hall, especially built for magic and mystery shows,” he says.

Despite this, magicians as popular entertainers are not what they once were, either in famed escapologist Harry Houdini’s time, or even 15 years ago. With the rise of illusionists such as Derren Brown, simple tricks don’t fool us anymore. We want more magic for our buck. But no one’s told Klok, who delivers the sort of family-friendly, rapid-fire, all-dancing showmanship which many might class as out-of-date.

The Houdini Experience is a time-travel dream-shaped journey through magic, stunts and circus acts that scores some serious kitsch kudos with its rag-tag collection of tricks, as well as dancers, acrobats and contortionists. The centre of the show is Klok, who masterminds everything – with the aid of a diamond-encrusted wardrobe of various cuts.

“It is a big Las Vegas-type show with a story,” he tells us. And with that, the audience should expect a big Las Vegas-style plot to boot. “I am lost in a time-machine and end up in the time of the pirates and the 17th century. The other storyline is about Houdini, the greatest magician of all time,“ he says enthusiastically. “He took all of his secrets to his grave, so in this show I challenge some of his illusions by making them more dangerous, updating them for the time we live in.”

Klok serves up his own take on Houdini’s famous watertank escape, and throws in illusions of his own in this energetic two-and-a-half-hour show. Expect to see the Jaws Of Death, levitations, body slicing “cutting my assistant in

two“ routines, alongside a smorgasbord of disappearing and re-appearing feats in which he makes members of his Divas Of Magic (buxomed ladies in increasingly revealing attire), and frequently himself, vanish within a split second.

Indeed, it is the speed with which the illusions are performed – not necessarily the illusions themselves – that stuns. “A normal magician does eight tricks,” Klok says matter-of-factly of the tricks-per-minute rate of his show, “but I do more like 80!”

There are also smaller-scale but no less impressive tricks and sleight-of-hand, such as a table-top routine in which he pulls never-ending wine bottles from a tube, and his own take on the magician’s staple – the card trick.

Klok also has four variety acts: muscled Cuban acrobats Leosvel and Diosmani; Chinese balancing artist Zhang Fan; body-bending duo You And Me; and the rollerskating MG Team. The show is cheesy, for sure, the comedy (“Gordon Brown is a magician – he made millions disappear”), the Vegas showgirl dancing, and classical-meets-euro pop music particularly so, and several routines are more special effect than illusion (Klok’s self-levitation for one). But his energy ››

Ladies' man: Hans and Pam Anderson TNTMAGAZINE.COM

29

Over the top: Klok and his troupe on stage

and enthusiasm is infectious and will leave even the most cynical wondering how he did it.

Klok began his career as a magician at an early age. “I got a magic box when I was eight, and it had this trick where you took two pieces of rope and made them into one,“ he explains. “I practiced and then showed it to an audience of my parents, grandparents, my brother, and my friends from school. When I showed it to them, someone said, ‘How did you do that?’ and that was my first success. Doing something they didn’t understand was such a thrill that I decided in that moment that I wanted to become a magician.”

Klok has gone on not just to become a magician – he was Dutch and European Youth Champion of Magic by his 14th birthday – but the only magician in Europe with his own show. He’s toured the world, performed at Caesar’s Palace in Vegas in 1996, to a 60million NBC audience and then to a global audience of 500million at the 2006 World Cup in Germany, where he made the competition’s famous gold statue – the one England are destined never to win again – disappear. Yet when quizzed on his magic idols and inspirations, Klok name-checks an odd selection.

He says: “When I was 10, Siegfried and Roy were on TV, these two German guys who had their own shows for 35 years. And then in the Eighties there was Paul Daniels who had his own show every week on the BBC. And, of course, Harry Houdini.”

In the run-up to the launch of his show, Klok was hard at

30

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“

Now people want to get famous fast

”

assistant, rumours of a (stage-managed?) relationship following the show for its duration.

Despite this media-trail, magic and magicians are not as popular as they once were, a fact Klok attributes not to a lack of interest from the public in illusions but rather an impatience on the behalf of performers.

“It’s a long time before you can perform as a magician,” he says. “Anyone can do a card trick but to do a 10-minute routine takes time to perfect. Most people now want to do something, like singing, in which they can get famous fast.”

Despite this lack of patience, judging from the turnout to Klok’s show, the audience is still there – although the illusions aren’t always as beguiling now as they would have been to London crowds 100 years ago.

“When movies like The Prestige and The Illusionist came out, and then Harry Potter, and now this new movie Hugo, they show there is a thirst for escapism from reality, because a magician can do everything you can’t – flying and making himself and other people disappear,“ Klok says.

“But there are only a few magicians worldwide, who have their own shows and perform for paying audiences.” One of this select group of myth-makers is in London for a limited time only – it’s worth catching him before he disappears. ❚ The Houdini Experience Starring Hans Klok And Company runs at the Peacock Theatre until March 25. £19-£52 Portugal Street, Holborn, WC2A 2HT sadlerswells.com Holborn

Photos: Roy Beusker, Stardust International BV

Kate Moss: magic fan

work on the promo trail, and found himself a new admirer in the shape of Kate Moss, who saw him on TV and promptly booked him for Stella McCartney’s London Fashion Week party, where he hypnotised TV presenter Alexa Chung before balancing her across the stage on a sword’s tip.

The Dutchman is no stranger to celebrity assistants and admirers. After holing up in Las Vegas for The Beauty Of Magic at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino, he had none other than Pamela Anderson on board as his faithful

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SPARETIME

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Mario Party 9 Nintendo Wii

Get your friends round to combat a common foe. £31.99 hitari.co.uk

CD

The vet rocker’s ‘angriest’ release yet, apparently. £10.99 Amazon.co.uk

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Live out a Sim’s life while your friends watch – from their own home. £25.71

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Upload a photo of yourself to see how ugly drinking will make you in years to come.

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The author traces the path of a sexual revolution. £17.57 Bookdepository.co.uk

ComicBook iPhone app

Turn your photos and other images into a comic book. £1.49 itunes.apple.com

Helen Schulman: This Beautiful Life Book

A gripping modern fable about the decline of privacy. £11.63

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Steven Soderberg explores the effect of an infectious disease on humanity. £18.00 very.co.uk

iMusic water dancing speakers Gadget

Turn your beats into a mesmerising water show £39.95 gadgets.co.uk

The Ides Of March DVD

Ryan Gosling reveals the dirty side to American politics. £11.99 moviemail-online.co.uk

App of the Week BeatStep Android app

One for joggers and runners, this will toggle between playlists so it always selects music that matches your running speed.

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Candy coloured jeans These mint green lovelies will brighten up any wardrobe for spring. fashionunion.com

Ballerina dress Light, cute and just in time for spring – bring on the sunshine!

Men’s kangaroo hoody This red and white textured number will keep you toasty through chilly spring days.

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REDISTRIBUTING FASHION

The affordable pre-owned designer website Chic&Seek – set up by fashion enthusiast Tara Nash-King to bring affordable designer style to more women – is hosting a giant pop-up sale in Notting Hill. On March 16, you’ll be able to get fashion, jewellery and accessories from big names such as Alexander McQueen, Chanel and Christian Louboutin with 50-80 per cent off.

The event will include a celebrity Chic&Sheek rail filled with pieces donated directly from celebrities and other high-profile types. The sale also makes the perfect guilt-free shopping spree, as it benefits the Rugby Portobello Trust, a youth education and housing charity that works to provide young people in the W11 area with the skills they need to avoid a life of crime and social withdrawal.

We’ll shop to that.

OPEN March 16, 10am-8pm COST Pieces from £5 chicandseek.com 20th Century Theatre, Westbourne Grove, W11 2QA Notting Hill Gate

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Irish drinking team T-shirt Lads, get your St Patrick’s Day tees while they’re hot. amazon.co.uk

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

HOME RUN

With the Olympics coming up this summer, you’ll be thinking about getting fit. And you’ll also do almost anything to avoid commuter hell. So instead of being wedged between sweaty angry people on the Tube after work, lace up your running shoes and hit the tarmac.

From March 12, Home Run groups will meet at Tube stations across London to run back home together, while their bags are biked to their local stations.

The service is free, and it’ll also save you piles of money that you would’ve spent on transport or in the gym.

Routes include Bank and Waterloo to Clapham Junction; Oxford Circus to Shepherd’s Bush and Finsbury Park; Victoria to Putney Bridge; Liverpool Street to Stratford; and Charing Cross to Clapham Common (see the full list online). But if there aren’t any runs going your way home, you can vote on the website for additional routes to be added.

So if you’d rather pound it out on London’s pavements than brave the human squish on the Tube, book your spot on a 6pm run online by 4pm on the day.

Who said nothing in London comes for free?

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Sporting pro Fancy trying out an Olympic sport for yourself?

Here’s where to get your Games kick in London WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Canoe slalom and sprint Have the 2012 Olympics whet your appetite for all things sporty? Then don’t spend the summer lamenting your lack of Olympic tickets. Get off your backside and try one of the sports yourself – maybe even compete. Here are some of the Olympic sports you can do in the capital.

Triathlon Not the easiest of sports, but great if you’re in need of some cardio to shape up. Clapham Chasers holds five big triathlon events a year as well as running, cycling and swimming sessions through the week (their Monday run attracts up to 100 people). In summer, the swimming sessions happen in lidos and the group cycles to places like Windsor and Oxford. They’re also a pretty sociable bunch, too, with annual triathlon trips – the next one is in the Pyrenees in May. The club accepts beginners and seasoned triathletes, and newbies can try sessions before joining. £20 per year claphamchasers.co.uk or see triathlonengland.org for club details.

Want adrenaline-filled canoeing? The Islington-based Regents Canoe Club is a good choice. Start out paddling on the calm canal waters then, when you’ve mastered your technique, go away with the group on a weekend trip on white-water courses in south-west England – or head to the Olympic Lee Valley White Water Centre. The club meets twice a week – on Monday and Thursday nights. Beginners are welcome.

From £12 for two months’ membership plus £5 a day boat hire regentscanoeclub.co.uk

Handball This is a fun, fast-paced, contact sport. Men’s training at Great Dane Handball Club takes place on Tuesdays in Bethnal Green and Thursdays in Leyton from 8-10pm. Women’s sessions are also in Leyton, on Tuesdays from 8-10pm. Players of all levels are welcome and league games happen twice a month. £20 per season greatdanehandball.co.uk For more clubs see londonhandball.co.uk

homerunlondon.com Various Tube stations around London

Learn discipline and strength at Taekwondo

It’s a bull’s eye 34

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Don’t mess with a handball pro

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WHAT’S NEW

Dreamweave mascara Eyelash extensions in a tube £12.00 wrinkleregime.com

Urban decay naked palette This one’s got all you need £36.00 urbandecay.com

Photos: Sarah Gibbs / Regents Canoe Club, Thinkstock

Screw the Olympics: make your own white-water canoe championships Taekwondo

Archery

If martial arts are more your style, head to a Taekwondo London session in Barbican.

The 200-year-old Korean discipline focuses on controlled punching, kicking and blocking and it’s seen as a sport, an art and a self-defence method. It’ll also keep you strong, fit and flexible. Sessions take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays and all abilities are welcome to attend to see if they can progress to the all-important black belt.

Beginners can also attend their first two sessions for free. But make sure you adhere to the class rules – Taekwondo is all about being disciplined, restrained and respectful. £10 per session or £60 for 10 taekwondo-london.co.uk

Got good hand-eye coordination? Hone your skills at an archery workshop with Experience Archery. The mobile service holds sessions of the ancient sport in Archway and can also be booked for parties and events in London.

If you’re a beginner, head to the one-anda-half-hour “have a go” archery lesson on Friday evenings, where you can weigh up whether you’re any good. Once you’ve completed this, hit the more relaxed Friday night shooting sessions.

Booking is essential.

NEXT Friday evening shoots WEEK £10; have a go archery lessons £25 Geeky activities made cool archerylondon.com

St Ives olive scrub Who said olives were just for eating? £5.10 superdrug.com

TOP TREATMENT: MONEY OFF HAIRCUTS Until the end of March, anyone who books in with the “rising stars” at celebrity hair salon, Lockonego, gets 50 per cent off their snip. So a men’s haircut with one of their four bright young things (who have five years or more experience with scissors) will set blokes back just £13, and women £20.50. There’s no better excuse to swank it up at a celebrity salon on the King’s Road, is there?

Celebrity cuts for cheap

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My Face slinky liquid liner Slick and easy to apply £6.99 myfacecosmetics.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Sea breezes: lap up the City of Sails

Amazing Auckland Fancy the buzz of city life but want to be by the sea? Working in lively New Zealand could be just the ticket WORDS REBECCA KENT If you’re looking for a change of career and scenery, or considering returning home, there’s good news if Auckland is your destination. Having retained its top spot as New Zealand’s strongest economic region, there are jobs aplenty. Here’s our guide to what’s on offer, and how to bag them.

High demands If you have a skilled background, you’ll be in demand once you hit the shore.

Current vacancies show IT, finance, accounting, sales, marketing, secretarial and business support roles are all up for grabs for eager workers.

Shereen Low, brand manager of Madison Recruitment (madison.co.nz), says: “Given events in New Zealand over the past 12 months, growth in the 36

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job market is expected to be slow to moderate, but consistent throughout the next year.”

Teachers and construction workers are also in demand, plus there is a shortage of doctors and nurses in the country, so if you’re in the health sector you’ll be welcomed with open arms.

Some countries have a working holiday agreement with New Zealand for people aged 18-30. But if your skills match those on the shortage list (immigration.govt.nz) you may be eligible for residence.

Taking home the bacon From April 1, the minimum wage will rise to $13.50 (£7.10) an hour, which applies to most hospitality and retail jobs. Customer service or call centre

workers can make around £7 to £9 an hour, while admin staff are paid around £4.20-£6.80. An IT project manager can earn £110,000 a year, a brand manager £80,000, and a financial analyst can top up their salary by £18,000 by moving to Auckland. Wages are commensurate with the city’s high standard of living.

Down and dirty New Zealand is reliant on its agricultural industry, which always needs workers. Apiarists, aborists, beef and cattle herd managers, orchard managers and winemakers are desperately wanted, with jobs not far from the city centre, in places like Kumeu, Helensville and Albany.

If you’re short on qualifications, but want to give it a try, live in a farmhouse

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ON THE JOB ANTON BROOKS CAREER Director, Shine Corp AGE 41 LIVES London FROM Sydney

Hard hat: build a life in Auckland in exchange for doing grunt work such as gardening and feeding animals (fhinz.co.nz).

Photos: Thinkstock

Something for everyone

Grunt work: farmers are needed

WHERE TO LIVE City workers who enjoy a cosmopolitan lifestyle and can do without a lengthy commute, should plump for Ponsonby (from £90 a week for a houseshare), which is filled with cafes and restaurants. Point Chevalier (from £80 a week) is slightly futher away but is a genteel suburb, as are Mt Eden (from £85 a week) and Epsom (from £100 a week). Hop on over Harbour Bridge for North Shore (from £85 a week), which is generally considered the best city in Auckland, with low crime rates compared to South Auckland and West Auckland.

But, let’s face it, you’re not just considering moving to Auckland to work 24-7. There’s the obvious attraction of its laid-back lifestyle to boot. “On a nice day, hitting one of the beaches such as Takapuna, Mission Bay, Muriwai or Maraetai for fish and chips has to be at the top of anyone’s list,” says Nicole Smith, 27, who returned home to Auckland from London last year.

“Lately, I’ve been hitting Cornwall Park and One Tree Hill for a long walk on a sunny day.”

Smith, who works as a media planner, paints an idyllic image of Auckland, the ‘City of Sails’.

Built around two harbours, and brushed with sea breezes, indeed it is.

However, this picture-perfect city also offers a good time. Its population of 1.3million people are mainly of working age, which makes the city livelier

than anywhere else in the country. As such, there’s no shortage of nightlife venues.

The adventurous, sophisticated, and young-at-heart are all catered for.

Plan ahead

But make sure you plan your arrival to maximise your chances of landing a job. “For hospitality or retail work, come just before summer, and for office-based work, February, when everyone is back from the summer break, is your best bet. In agriculture, there are opportunities all year round,” Low says.

On the go slow Although, Smith warns that adjusting to the relaxed pace of life in Auckland after living in frantic London can take some time.

She adds: “There’s plenty to do, but you have to go out and NEXT WEEK find it, and most of it is outdoorsy Weird team – so my liver is buliding activities thanking me!”

How did you get into your line of work?

It was October 2000 in Sydney, and I saw a shoe-shine chair at the Queen Victoria building, which inspired me to set something up in London. I was already due in Europe for my sister’s wedding, so did a business plan while in Rome, sitting on the Spanish Steps gulping Italian wine. Setting it up was the toughest seven months.

What do you do day-to-day?

I am in the final stages of creating a very clever dry cleaning service for the square mile.

What’s the best part of your job?

Shine Corp stretches my comfort zone like I would never imagined.

After 10 years, I still wake up excited about the day.

What’s the most challenging?

The staff. Our vetting procedure is to the highest standard. shinecorp.com

HOW TO ... CLEAN YOUR OFFICE DESK You’ll promote serenity and productivity by giving your environment a thorough de-clutter. Follow our tips:

• Strip the desk right down:

unplug electronics, stack papers and office supplies, and clean with sanitising wipes.

• Limit your personal effects.

A couple are good for colour, but it’s time you sidelined the stuffed toys.

• Knock things off your to-do

list as you’re returning papers to their respective places.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

37

tntjobs.co.uk CLASSROOM LIMITED T: 020 7636 0600 www.classroomteachers.co.uk Classroom is an established recruitment services provider, providing exceptional levels of service. Our dedicated teams of consultants have a wealth of teaching expertise and education recruitment experience.

GALLOWGLASS T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

CITY KNIGHTS LTD T/A SHINE CORP T: 020 7116 1666 anton@shinecorp.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Science Teacher opportunity Location: East London Salary: £130.00 - £160.00 DOE This high-achieving East London School have equally high expectations of staff and pupils. They are looking for an exceptional educator who is committed to student achievement and development to deliver informative and engaging lessons. With experience at KS3 – KS4, the successful teacher would ideally have experience teaching Physics, Chemistry or biology, with relevant experience either in the UK or abroad.

Caroline Hardwick | 020 7636 0600 | caroline@classroomteachers.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew.

You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude.

CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Customer service / Shop assistant Location: London City Salary: : £6.70 per hour Monday – Friday 8am-4 pm

Shine Corp is an Australian owned business now in its 10th year. We specialise going into global banks and law firms providing concierge styled services..

Working in a busy shop in a corporate environment providing essential services to busy bankers and lawyers. Good fun environment to work in.

Call Jess for more details

NEW FRONTIERS TRAVEL RECRUITMENT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Business Travel Consultants Location: UK Wide Salary: Varies between £15,000 - £35,000

T: 0207 923 6423 www.newfrontiers.co.uk We are one of the UK’s leading travel recruitment agencies. We have over 18 years experience in dealing with a broad range of travel industry positions including business travel, retail, tour ops, car hire, marketing, executive & support.

anton.brooks@barclays.com | 020 7116 1666

Wan you use a recognised GDS system? Do you enjoy a fast paced role with a forward thinking company?

Responsibilities include: * Booking all aspects of business travel * Looking after clients * Making reservations on a GDS * Offering a high level of customer service Zaira Shaal | zaira@newfrontiers.co.uk | 0845 202 2222

PHOTOGRAPHY & DIGITAL SERVICES

JOB OF THE WEEK: Do You Have Photoshop Experience?

Location: London Salary: On Application

Digital Media Company specialising in high volume commercial photography and photographic retouching. We retouch images for a major high street retailer, which are used for in-store advertising, catalogues, and online media.

We are always looking for experienced freelance commercial retouchers.

This is a fantastic opportunity to gain experience working on commercial photography in a busy studio environment. Applicants must have advanced Photoshop knowlege and be Apple Mac literate. Experience using Capture One would be an advantage.

Send a covering note saying a little about yourself with your CV to:

SHERPA

JOB OF THE WEEK: Event Porters/Drivers/Crew Location: London Salary: £6.50 - £10 per hour

www.eventsherpa.co.uk

Tony | digipixwork@mac.com

SHERPA is a leading supplier of intelligent, articulate and professional porters, drivers and crew to the UK event industry. We work at some of the UK’s best-known events and venues, from high-profile sporting festivals and new product launches, to big-budget private and corporate events.

This summer will be extremely busy with the Olympics coming to town - We’re looking for reliable, hard working, well-presented team players with excellent spoken English to join us in 2012! SHERPA work is ideal for but not limited to Antipodeans in London on their working holiday visa as it is a great way to see London, meet new people and the hours are flexible.

AMPERSAND CATERING

JOB OF THE WEEK: Looking for Summer Work?

Location: London Salary: On Application

www.ampersandcatering.co.uk

No other caterer delivers such a personal, professional and unique service.

Send a CV and recent photo to: john@eventsherpa.co.uk

Ampersand are recruiting for all levels of Staff in the catering Industry who are dynamic & friendly with a good understanding of the English Language and a great sense of Fun! Send a C.V w/ covering letter to annette.goodger@ampersandvenues.co.uk

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HOW YOU SPEND IT!

CASH-SAVING TIPS DESIGNER DEALS Xxxxxxxxx If you’re looking to find high-end clothes at lowXXXXXXXXX end prices, head over to Xxxxxxxxxxx the London Accessory Sale.

From March 5-8 at The Old XXXXXXXXX Truman Brewery on Brick Xxxxxxxxxxx Lane, you can scoop up labels such as Marc Jacobs, XXXXXXXXX Prada and Balenciaga for Xxxxxxxxxxx up to 80 per cent off. londonaccessorysale.co.uk XXXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxxx

GRAZE ON Healthy snacking at your desk has never been so easy. Graze delivers boxes of nuts, olives, flapjacks, dried fruits and more to your office. Simply pick what you want in the box and when you want it delivered – all for £3.79. graze.com

Lower your rent by living with others (plus, it’s more fun) and reduce travel costs by walking more. London is smaller than you think!

STEWART JAQUES, 34 JOB Distributor at Universal Music Group FROM Australia LIVES Barons Court Any money-saving tips?

Pre-plan your route home

Photos: Getty

How do you budget?

By being employed – obvious I know, but it’s an expensive ol’ town when you’re not.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Clubs and comedy gigs, dining out, Tesco Pick ‘n’ Mix sweets.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Celeb backstage demands

GREEK ON THE CHEAP The Real Greek is offering seven dishes and two drinks for a recessionbusting £20 at any of its restaurants until March 29. Between Sunday and Thursday, the most expensive combination of its sharing dishes adds up to £35.65 if you purchased them separately. Print out a voucher from moneysavingexpert.com.

MOVE IT! /8 CAMBODIA /74

from a night out to avoid getting slayed by costly cab rides.

Last big blow-out?

A ‘fail’ blowout: £550 on a package trip to Pamplona that never happened because I booked flights for the wrong days and didn’t realise until the day I thought I was flying.

Rapper Nicki Minaj made headlines when her list of more than 25 backstage necessities went viral. But celebs have had even more pricey demands behind the curtain ...

❚ For an appearance at London’s Selfridges in 2008, Mariah Carey required a £1000 throne to sit on, and signed autographs on a £50,000 antique table.

Mimi’s quite the diva

JOB OF THE WEEK: PA needed starting APRIL

❚ Madonna paid more than $8,000 (£5,000) to stock her 2008 world tour with bottles of Kabbalah water. But exhubby Guy Ritchie nixed her plan to fill their swimming pool with the spiritual stuff.

❚ Jennifer Lopez has a fetish for white – she spent £10,000 changing carpets, repainting walls and flying in two white couches from Paris for her BBC dressing room, all for her 40-minute stay. ❚ While performing at a festival in Northern Ireland, rapper Eminem called for a koi pond in his dressing room. Each fish alone can cost up to £600.

Location: London Salary: On Application

Work will be shared by two PA’s working alternate weeks. Whilst working, you will live in the user’s house on a 24/7 basis.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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Putney dwellers love a good row on the Thames

HOME

STYLE 0

5 £6.

Queen ice cream scoop Ma’am says it’s pudding time heals.co.uk

Home from home Putney, SW15

99 £9.

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

A lively south London hub for Aussies, Kiwis and South Africans, this villagey spot is almost a town in itself – if it didn’t have so many red London buses, you’d be forgiven for forgetting you’re in the city at all.

Relax cushion And that’s an order dunelm-mill.com

75

£8.

Polaroid photo holders, 9-pack An arty twist to your travel snaps coxandcox.co.uk

0

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Why Putney?

It’s got a proper neighbourhood atmosphere that feels far from the hubbub of the city.

But Putney’s still in zone 2. Just over the bridge to the north, there’s Chelsea, and you can dash into central London by Tube or rail in about 30 minutes.

Julia Whyte, from Brinkley’s Estate Agents on Putney High Street, says: “People move to Putney, mainly because of its close proximity to central London and there’s a bit more nightlife and shops than surrounding areas.”

place to be. Sue Johnstone, from Andrews Letting and Management on Putney High Street, says: “The river’s a big draw because it’s very pretty and a lot of people here like to go rowing. All the restaurants are fantastic. And all along the bank you’ve got park land on both sides – it’s really green everywhere you go.”

Residents all rave about the food at the Thai Square restaurant and bar by the river (thaisq.com), or try The Duke’s Head for a hearty focus on fish, steak and luxe burgers (fillet steak burger with truffle chips, anyone?; dukesheadputney.com).

The candlelit Boathouse pub with outdoor seating on Putney Wharf is also a hit with locals (boathouseputney.co.uk).

Don’t move here if...

You don’t like sport – the river means it’s a top rowing spot and there’s also a big rugby fanbase here, so pubs are chocka with people watching games at weekends.

The people Putney attracts professionals in their midtwenties working in the City, who live alongside older generations who’ve been in the area for years. A strong Aussie, Kiwi and South African community can also be found living here, as can deputy PM, Nick Clegg.

Brick wine rack A stackable, colourful home for your booze aplaceforeverything.co.uk

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Where to hang out Putney High Street has a lot of shops, bars, restaurants and cafes. But the riverside is the

For bigger nights out (think club anthems and dancefloor classics) head to the Fez on Upper Richmond Road (putneyfez.com).

But Putney’s not all about booze – nearby, you’ve got Richmond Park and Wimbledon

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MY AREA DELPHINE VIVIER Student, 17

“I like Putney, there are a lot of buses going everywhere and it’s easy to get to the centre of London.

The people in the area are also really nice.”

REUBEN

SAMPAIO Sign writer,

31

Common to use for running and to lounge in when the weather gets warmer.

The connections Putney’s connections are one of the area’s most attractive features. It’s got two Tubes (Putney Bridge and Putney East) and a train station. You can get to Oxford Circus on the Tube in 30 minutes, and to Waterloo by train in 15 minutes.

What can you rent?

There are plenty of newly built blocks of flats in the area as there’s been so much

demand and investment. But you can also find plenty of converted period properties if you’re looking for a home with a little bit more character.

The most desirable areas are, not surprisingly, by the river and near the stations. But, for a good bargain, head to Putney Heath where you’ll find a decent selection of ex-council flat NEXT WEEK deals, which are still within a good Bizarre sharehouse rituals distance of the main Putney hub.

“It’s got one of the few proper little high streets left in London.

And Chelsea’s just over the river, plus there are Chelsea and Fulham football clubs.”

SOPHIE

ROBERTS Hairdresser,

19 “The bars down by the river are great. Thai Square is a restaurant and a cocktail bar with a great atmosphere, especially on the weeekends.”

SW15 INFO BOROUGH

Wandsworth AVERAGE COUNCIL TAX

£663 per year TRAVEL TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON

Photos: Getty

30mins HOUSESHARE £425pcm per person

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1,250pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £1,450pcm

A newly refurbished and fully furnished four-bed flat off Upper Richmon Road, moments away from East Putney and Putney stations. It’s got a large lounge, too.

A flat on the top floor of a period conversion in Putney with a lounge diner and bay window. It’s also got a double bedroom and a spacious communal garden.

A six-month let in a furnished two-bedroom flat in a quiet road off Putney Hill. With a modern bathroom, patio garden, parking and a spacious living/dining room.

brinkleys.co.uk

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TUBE

District line and rail; Zone 2 AVERAGE ROOM SHARE 1 BED

£1,200pcm AVERAGE RENTAL 1 BED

£1,600pcm AVERAGE FLAT 1 BED

£250,000

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41

WORLDVIEW

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The offending ad

SOFA AD BANNED FOR CHEEKY SLOGAN UNITED KINGDOM A discount furniture store has been told to pull an advert claiming its prices are ‘Sofa King Low’.

The slogan, which has been the Sofa King’s strapline since it began trading nine years ago, appears on the Northampton firm’s shop front and vehicles. But after an ad appeared in a local paper, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) intervened.

It said: “The ASA noted the phrase ‘Sofa King Low’ used the advertiser’s company name but considered that it could be interpreted as a derivative of the swear word ‘f***’, which consumer research had found to be a word so likely to offend that it should not be used in ads at all.”

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @juliussharpe A great prank would be if all six billion of us pretended not to know who Gwyneth Paltrow is. @jk_rowling As you may have heard, I have a new book out later this year.

Very different to Harry, although I’ve enjoyed writing it every bit as much. @stephenfry Oh dear. Human Centipede 2. I’m not sure I shall ever be the same again.

PROPOSING ON RADIO LENTINE’S DAY SNUB AUSTRALIA A Victorian radio presenter stunned listeners by rejecting a wedding proposal from his girlfriend live on air.

Aimee Parker called in to Bendigo radio station 3BO FM and asked Ben Jones, her boyfriend of four years, to marry her, making the most of the February 29 leap 42

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Toff with your hats: Members of the prestigious ‘In and Out Club’, one of the oldest and most exclusive clubs in London, cheer as they celebrate the club's 150th birthday.

And no, the name is not a grubby innuendo, but rather a reference to the signs above the entry and exit gates for vehicles at the club’s old headquarters in Cambridge House.

day tradition of women proposing to their partners. However, her offer was rejected.

“As flattered and as humorous as this has been this morning, Aimee you might as well get up off your knee,’’ Jones said, later insisting the proposal was not genuine.

CHUCK NORRIS BIG IN SLOVAKIA SLOVAKIA Former action movie star Chuck Norris appears to have plenty of fans in Slovakia, where a bridge is set to be named after him.

The moniker of the structure, connecting

Slovakia’s capital city, Bratislava, to Austria, is to be decided by an internet poll and, so far, Norris is streets ahead, amassing about three-quarters of the votes.

In second place, is Maria Theresa, the 18th-century AustroHungarian empress.

If Chuck Norris wins, it appears officials will honour the wishes of voters. “The same way as we have so far been building it in full sight of the public, we will seek that the name is accepted by the public as well,” regional governor Pavel Freso said.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 26

Combined age of two Californian seniors who got hitched last week after living together for 15 years. Never too late

Surely other fake photos were avilable

BUSTED FORGER CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH

BRAZIL

Police arrested a man for forgery when he tried to open a bank account using an identification document with a photo of actor Jack Nicholson.

A copy of the forged ID released by police shows Nicholson’s face next to the signature of “Joao Pedro dos Santos” and a fingerprint.

“The document with the photo of the actor and other false identification were used to start a fictitious company and with it, also open a bank account,” said Erivaldo Guerra, who leads the civil police investigation. “That way, he would use the limits on the cheques and the credit cards to steal money.”

PLAYBOY WRESTLER LOSES A TESTICLE

Photos: Getty

UNITED STATES

A former wrestler is suing an opponent who he claims had agreed to lose their bout, but instead kicked him in the crotch so hard that one of his testicles ruptured. Ouch.

John Levi Miller – who has made a few appearances in the WWE as Playboy J-Millz – alleges Clinton Woosley, who wrestles under the name Guido Andretti, had backed the plan that would result in him losing the fight, but then tried to win and lashed out at Miller.

His lawyer, Larry Wilder of Jeffersonville, said Miller applied ice to the swelling after returning home after his match with Woosley, but went to a hospital the next day, where doctors ended up removing his ruptured right testicle.

Age of Twiggy, thought to be the world’s oldest sheep, who died after falling off a cliff in the Western Isles

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Age in years of the world’s oldest vacuum cleaner, owned by a Manchester man and apparently still in perfect working order

Pounds won by a Scottish teen after finding his winning lottery ticket only when him mum made him clean his room

Was He actually a She-He?

JESUS MAY HAVE BEEN A HERMAPHRODITE?

53,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

UNITED KINGDOM

Jesus may well have had both male and female genitals, according to the somewhat controversial new theory of academic Dr Susannah Cornwall.

Cornwall, of Manchester University’s Lincoln Theological Institute, said in an essay entitled ‘Intersex and Ontology, a response to The Church, Women Bishops and Provision’, ”that it isn’t possible to know with any certainty that Jesus wasn’t a hermaphrodite”.

She continued: “It is impossible to assert with any degree of certainty that Jesus was a male as we now define maleness.

“There is no way of knowing that Jesus did not have one of the intersex conditions which would give him a body which appeared externally to be unremarkably male, but which might have had some ‘hidden’ female physical features.”

191

Really I came to the Brits to stalk Adele.

It was nothing about the awards or the performance, for me it was just to see Adele again Rihanna admits to an unhealthy admiration for British songstress Adele

TNT St Patricks Day

Party in association with

Shamrocker Adventures EVENTS DETAILS

Venue: Billabong Bar Wimbledon Date: Saturday, March 17th Time: 12noon – 3am Tickets: Free Entry

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England Vs Ireland 6 Nations Rubgy screened at 5pm Four piece band ‘The Ploughing Dogs’ live at 8pm DJ – 10pm – 3am ‘The Absolut Energy Hour’ from 8pm – 9pm £2 Vks and Vodka kicks with Billabong Discount Card Best Dressed Competition – Get your ‘Irish’ on! - ‘Come as something Irish’

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CLARE VOOGHT clare.vooght@tntmagazine.com

MARCH 25

Offensive? The Mad Men ad campaign

Mad Men’s ad campaign: insensitive or good publicity?

Photos: AMC

The falling man image near Ground Zero has got everyone talking

There’s no getting away from the fact that Mad Men’s new ad campaign to promote the fifth series, out later this month, is bleak. The silhouette of a man in a suit falling through the air has been used in ad campaigns for the TV show for the last five years, but only now has it been branded insensitive to 9/11 victims.

The posters – splashed all over New York, on billboards, in subways, on buildings – have been likened to the infamous images of people who jumped out of windows to escape the flames after the attack on the Twin Towers. What happened in New York on September 11, 2001, was tragic, and the photos are haunting. But the TV show – which is based 40 years before 9/11 happened – shouldn’t have to apologise for making the ad.

The black and white advert for the new series shows the tiny silhouette of protagonist Don Draper tumbling through the air in front of a woman peering through the blinds of an office. It’s meant to “represent a man whose life is in turmoil”, said a statement from AMC, the US network that broadcasts the hit show. It is what it is – an advert – and it’s a slick one. Why should an image of a person falling be off limits?

The design team has done a sterling job on creating an ad that fits in perfectly with the Mad Men aesthetic. And that shouldn’t have to change to avoid offending people. If you start controlling art in case it might upset someone, you’d be left in a world without artistic freedom and without satire. Harrowing subjects would never be represented in film, because there’ll always be someone in the world who finds it too close to the bone.

But desipte all this demonising, the backlash from the advert has got everyone talking about Mad Men. Regardless of the response being negative, and whether or not they really thought about how people would react to seeing the images near Ground Zero, the creators have been successful in getting the publicity they were after. How do they sleep at night? As Don Draper would say: “On a bed of money.” » Agree or disagree? Are images like this acceptable in ads? letters@tntmagazine.com

WATSON’S A CHICK? ELEMENTARY Remember when the Yanks tried to remake Spaced? It was doomed from the start – they just didn’t get it, and it never made it past the pilot. So now there’s going to be a US remake of the BBC hit series Sherlock. But, this time, everyone’s narked because Watson is, in fact, going to be a woman.

Yup, a woman. In the shape of none other than former Charlie’s Angels and Kill Bill actress, Lucy Liu. In the series, called Elementary, she’ll be Joan Watson – Holmes’s new struck-off surgeon companion in New York, where he’s conveniently gone for rehab.

“

It’s the most regurgitated story

”

But this remake might just be totally on the money. Sherlock Holmes is the most regurgitated story in the history of entertainment. Making John a Joan is a shrewd move to keep things fresh.

Why can’t Liu make the character her own? Besides, maybe Holmes needs a woman around to keep him in check.

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Who’s it gonna be?

Your eye-opening guide to London’s upcoming mayoral elections WORDS TOM STURROCK

Boris Johnson Conservative

With two months until London’s mayoral election, the campaigning is beginning to heat up. And it’s not just limited to Boris v Ken, although it will likely boil down to that in the end. There’s a full cast of contenders willing to promise free ice cream and pony rides – and anything else, for that matter – in return for your precious vote.

So, when you see their beaming mayoral candidate faces on the TV over the next two months, you’ll need to know who’s who. Which one is a dog-whistle racist? Which one wants driverless Tube trains within two years? Which one used to be an archaeologist? Which one breeds newts?

What’s the story? London’s snowy-haired incumbent, whose ‘charming buffoon’ schtick belies a prodigious intellect, began his career as a journalist, working at The Times, The Telegraph and The Spectator before moving into politics.

It can be tricky to pin Johnson down on details – he presents more as “bubbles in the champagne” than a full-blown policy wonk – but he has committed to introducing driverless Tube trains within two years, after 23 strikes since 2008.

What they won’t be saying: “The City of London and their banker mates are lovely. People should leave them alone.”

Siobhan Benita Independent

Jenny Jones Greens

What’s the story? She’s come from nowhere, ditching her job as a civil servant – in which she’s compiled an impressive and varied CV – in the hope of breaking the cosy duopoly by running as an independent. She’s big on transport and urban renewal, promising a “more creative, more inclusive, more forward-looking London”, extending the Tube’s operating hours, freezing fares until 2014 and sending a ‘hit-squad’ to spruce up the capital’s derelict buildings.

What they won’t be saying: “I’m the best of both worlds – a bit like Boris and a bit like Ken.”

What’s the story? After spending 10 years working as an archaeologist in the Middle East, Jones joined the Greens and has become a prominent activist, focusing on transport, planning and social justice. She would likely hold the Met’s feet to the fire, having hammered them on crowd control tactics and attitudes toward young people. She’s also a forceful advocate of cyclists, healthy food in schools and allotments to enable people to grow their own food.

What they won’t be saying: “Boris said all new buses would be hybrid electricals but, hey, let’s not sweat the details.”

Carlos Cortiglia BNP

Ken Livingstone Labour

What’s the story? Born in Uruguay, but with Italian and Spanish ancestry, Cortiglia moved to the UK in 1989, making him a curious candidate for a party so opposed to immigration. His main concern is ‘reclaiming’ parts of London for “indigenous caucasians” – he has compared Tower Hamlets to the old Yugoslavia because immigrants have been setting up “ghettos that usually have their own language, their own customs and their own values”.

What they won’t be saying: “London’s diversity and rich cultural tapestry is what makes it a truly global city.”

What’s the story? An avowed atheist, former food critic and breeder of newts, ‘Red Ken’ became the first mayor of London when the post was created in 2000 and is now seeking a return to office. During his tenure, Livingstone secured the Olympics, introduced the congestion charge and made a stirring, defiant speech following the 2005 London bombings. Livingstone has promised to boost police numbers and reintroduce living allowances for London-based students.

What they won’t be saying: “Well done, Boris – you deserve to preside at the opening ceremony of my Olympics.”

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Clockwise: Ken wants another go; Boris explains two-party politics; Brian Paddick at the trial of the men who killed Stephen Lawrence

Brian Paddick Liberal Democrat What’s the story? During more than 30 years at the Met, Paddick became Britain’s most senior openly gay policeman and ruffled a few feathers by instructing officers in Brixton to not bother arresting people busted with cannabis. After resigning from the Met over the handling of the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, Paddick ran in 2008 but is back, promising to reduce bus fares, reform policing and move toward running the Tube on renewable fuel.

What they won’t be saying: “Rebekah Brooks promised she would give the horse back once she was done with it.”

Femi Solola Independent What’s the story? The former teacher and Met community support officer is one of the feel-good stories of the mayoral election but faces an uphill battle to distinguish himself from the other candidates with greater name-recognition. So far, Solola has offered a grab-bag of crowd-pleasing promises: to improve the cost-effectiveness and reliability of the city’s transport systems, as well as helping small businesses by persuading banks to lend at lower interest rates. Good luck.

What they won’t be saying: “I now realise that proper, career politicians are just better at this stuff than me.”

Photos: Getty

Lawrence Webb UKIP What’s the story? A former electrician and member of the Territorial Army, Webb is hoping to capitalise on the financial crisis gripping Europe by pushing the party’s line that the UK should remain independent of the continent. This approach will also manifest itself in calls for tighter immigration laws to protect jobs and housing in London, as well as rolling back London’s Low Emission Zone, which will make life harder for businesses that rely on dirty vehicles.

What they won’t be saying: “We still hate the French, but maybe it’s a good idea to switch to the Euro after all.”

AND THIS GUY… WOLFGANG MONEYPENNY No, it’s not his real name but yes, he is actually running. A resident of the “glorious future-republic” of south London, Moneypenny has the most ambitious manifesto of any candidate.

A talisman of the separatist movement, Moneypenny (above) wants to build a Thames wall to divide the city and supports education to confront anti-South London attitudes.

“I am proudly transpontine, and I shall defend what is rightfully mine with as much luridity and melodrama as I see fit. Polite society, consider this a warning,” Moneypenny says. “Look at yourself in the mirror, London!

You are sick, and I’m offering myself as the cure.”

Moneypenny has promised to hijack other candidates’ campaigns to promote his agenda of scrapping the Olympics, disbanding the Met and utilising London’s empty spaces for free housing and creative spaces.

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47

SPORTNEWS

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Developing: Israel Folau

FOLAU SET TO START NEW CAREER IN RUCK AUSTRALIAN RULES Greater Western Sydney are preparing to throw rugby league-convert Israel Folau into the ruck in order to accelerate his learning curve.

Folau, 22, who stands 195cm and weighs in at 98kg, left the Brisbane Broncos to sign a lucrative deal with the newest AFL club. He was expected to play predominantly as a key forward this year, having looked his best in attack during the 2011 NEAFL season, but coach Kevin Sheedy revealed that may not be the case.

“He’ll learn to play AFL in lots of positions,” Sheedy said. “We’ll play him in the ruck, so he’ll learn about that. He’s got a fantastic spring. He’s got magnificent, huge hands – so he can push the ball down. We’re exploring all of those avenues for him to develop and keep improving.”

BRONCOS MAKE WINNING START RUGBY LEAGUE Brisbane began life without Darren Lockyer in positive fashion, seeing off the Eels 18-6 in Friday’s NRL clash at Parramatta Stadium.

In rainswept conditions, both sides struggled terribly in keeping possession with handling errors very much the order of the evening in a scrappy affair. However, it was the visitors who headed home with the two competition points thanks to second-half tries from Jharal Yow Yeh, Peter Wallace and Ben Hannant.

The Eels were without the services of star fullback Jarryd Hayne, who failed a fitness test on his injured knee, but got off to a flying start when big-money signing Chris Sandow made an instant impact with a try after just four minutes.

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PALMER VOWS REVENGE ON FFA

BIG WEEK FOR ...

FOOTBALL

Novak Djokovic is the undisputed top dog of men’s tennis but, at the Masters tournament in Indian Wells, the chasing pack have another chance to show they’ve closed the gap on the Serb. Djokovic, of course, extended his dominant 2011 season by winning the Australian Open in January, setting up a fascinating year in men’s tennis.

Fifa and Asia’s governing body on Friday threw their support behind Football Federation Australia (FFA) and against a rival football organisation set up by billionaire Clive Palmer.

Palmer’s threat was a response to the FFA’s decision to revoke the licence of Gold Coast United – which Palmer owned – in response to the mining magnate’s increasingly provocative behaviour.

“Frank Lowy is an institution who now belongs in an institution,” Palmer tweeted about the FFA boss, before vowing a legal battle. “We are prepared to go to the highest court in the country to challenge this ludicrous decision.”

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK If we were to have a divorce from our friends in Melbourne we would probably be walking away from Australia Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone insists Australia could lose its Grand Prix once the current deal expires after 2015

Manu Tuilagi has quickly become one of England’s stars

PREVIEW Must-watch rugby from both hemispheres REDS V REBELS SATURDAY 8.30AM, SKY SPORTS 1

FRANCE V ENGLAND SUNDAY 3PM, BBC1 Another early-season Australian Super 15 derby kicks off on Saturday morning before, on Sunday afternoon, England and France renew an even more fractious rivalry.

Despite having star flyhalf Quade Cooper on the sidelines, the Reds have done enough to suggest that, come the business end of this season, they will be Australia’s best chance. They are, after

all, the reigning champions and seem the best equipped to defy the powerhouses from New Zealand and South Africa. It will therefore be a litmus test for the Rebels, who were expected to improve this season.

Equally, England will be looking to test themselves against France, the side that bundled them out of the World Cup, triggering a top-to-bottom restructure that, although in its early days, England appear to be weathering better than expected. In particular, Manu Tuilagi seems to have taken the bull by the horns, while Owen Farrell looks equipped to replace Jonny Wilkinson as flyhalf.

THE CHAT | The Special One back in London

He was going mad and I quickly understood – he was unhappy because we came in with only a three-goal lead Everton striker Louis Saha recalls one of Sir Alex Ferguson’s memorable halftime ‘hairdryer’ treatments

If it means I don’t play Test cricket again, or cricket for Australia, then so be it Australian paceman Mitchell Johnson knows the emergence of younger quicks could prevent him returning to the side

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL Mourinho, the flamboyant Portuguese Q Jose manager, is unhappy at Real Madrid and reportedly house-hunting in London. How might a move back to the Premier League play out?

Mourinho truly plans to leave Real – it may be a powerA Ifplay – he will likely return to the Premier League as manager of Chelsea or Spurs. Andre Villas-Boas appears to be on borrowed time at Stamford Bridge and Mourinho’s return would deliver an enormous boost to morale. Equally, should Spurs boss Harry Redknapp leave to manage England, the top job at White Hart Lane might appeal more – Spurs are in better shape than Chelsea, who might not qualify for the Champions League and whose roster needs a significant overhaul.

Arsenal v AC Milan The Gunners need a miracle Tuesday 7pm, Sky Sports 2

CRICKET New Zealand v South Africa The first Test starts in Dunedin Tuesday 9.30pm, Sky Sports 3

TENNIS Indian Wells Masters Special: Jose Mourinho

The year’s first Masters tournament Saturday 7pm, Sky Sports 4 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

49

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

Clockwise: Gold Coast United players; Frank Lowy; Clive Palmer

A-League farce undermines bold talk about rising code Debacle shows ‘sleeping giant’ of Australian sport still has no legs

» Agree or disagree? Is the A-League still a bit Mickey Mouse? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

The prospect of regular-season AFL matches being played outside Australia became less remote last week when it emerged that St Kilda have asked the league to send them to New Zealand.

The Saints are reportedly asking for at least one game to be scheduled in Wellington as early as next season, or possibly 2014, with a view to eventually playing four games across the Tasman every year. It makes financial sense for the Saints, who could pocket as much as $1.5m (£1m) by selling four homes games, but it strains credulity to think Kiwis would seriously embrace Australia’s indigenous code.

“

Could Kiwis ever take to Aussie Rules?

”

The AFL already has its hands full doing missionary work in western Sydney and on the Gold Coast and that will be a hard slog. But it will be nothing compared to converting a Kiwi population that is, firstly, more rugby-obsessed than Australians and, second, pathologically hostile to their transTasman cousins when it comes to sport.

Photos: Getty

In recent years, there has been plenty of sabre-rattling from Australia’s football community. It is, apparently, only a matter of time before the round-ball game takes the nation by storm. But last week stoush, in which the cancellation of Gold Coast United’s A-League licence gave rise to threats of a breakaway governing body, suggests football remains a long way from claiming a seat at the top table.

The agent provocateur has been Clive Palmer, Gold Coast United’s billionaire owner, who has made a habit of criticising the way Football Federation Australia (FFA) administers the league. The final straw came when he elected to send his team out wearing ‘Free Speech’ logos, which also appeared on stadium signage. The FFA, fronted by chairman Frank Lowy – who asked, “Do they love the game? Do they love it enough to stay? Or do they want to piss off?” – withdrew the team’s licence; Palmer, in turn, vowed to set up a rebel body to govern the sport, insisting Lowy’s organisation had lost the plot.

Palmer is a super-rich troublemaker and should not be taken too seriously, but the debacle highlights some uncomfortable problems for the A-League. It is unclear whether the Gold Coast will survive with a new owner but they have lost a truckload of money and no one goes to their games, suggesting they could be the second Queensland team, after the North Queensland Fury, to come and go in the A-League’s short history. Such patent instability – teams pop up and disappear – makes it hard to sell the product to fans.

The A-League’s other problem is its private ownership model that subsists on the contributions of autocrats like Palmer. This needs to change. The moment of truth will come when the A-League negotiates its next TV deal – it will do well to get a quarter of the $1bn (£680m) attached to the AFL’s broadcast deal – which must be the downpayment on weaning the game off private wealth. Until it does so, Australia’s ‘sleeping giant’ – as its adherents’ hyperbole goes – will remain a golem unable to stand on its own.

SAINTS’ ITCH TO CROSS THE DITCH

Are the Kiwis a sneaky chance?

South Africa have the edge on paper but, at home, the Black Caps could spring an upset WORDS TOM STURROCK

When the three-Test series between New Zealand and South Africa begins in Dunedin this week, it will pit two sides that, were it a boxing match, would be fighting in different weight divisions against each other. South Africa have lost just one series in the past five-and-a-half years – a period of remarkable stability and consistency – but have, in recent times, struggled to find a knock-out punch, drawing series against England, Australia and twice against India, failing to convert momentum into outright victory. New Zealand, despite boasting less experience and less top-line talent, will be buoyed by their recent victory over Australia. Given the Kiwis – the lightweights here – are a genuine chance to cause a boilover, it should make for an absorbing contest.

Kiwis heading in the right direction One of the greatest obstacles facing New Zealand’s cricketers – aside from the difficulties of competing with rugby union in an already tiny population – is the sheer lack of Test cricket they play. This three-match affair against the Proteas is something of a rarity in a schedule loaded with short series against the top nations and one-offs against minnows. It makes it tricky for the Kiwis to blood young players, to force them up the curve by exposing them to a serious block of Test cricket. It also appears to take a toll on New Zealand’s senior players – the likes of Brendon McCullum, for example, whose propensity to throw away starts is a telltale sign of a temperament and technique forged in limited-overs cricket.

Still, there is plenty of cause for optimism in the Kiwis’ recent Test record. Convincing wins against Zimbabwe might not count for much, but their famous win over Australia at Bellerive last December, on the back of an exhilarating bowling performance – and, it must be said, some shocking Australian batting – was a stirring indicator that the current crop of Kiwis could actually be pretty good if the new kids on the block can manage to get 20-odd Tests under their belts.

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Saffas searching for killer instinct Dating back to the tail-end of 2009, South Africa have played seven Test series, in which they have gone unbeaten, but also been held to draws in five of them. It is a strangely underwhelming return for a side that remains the only genuine challenger to England as Test cricket’s top dog.

South Africa’s wobbles began in the southern-hemisphere summer of 2009-10, while hosting England. By rights, South Africa should have won that series 3-1 – in Centurion and then in Cape Town, England’s tailenders survived, scrapping their way to draws. Having twice let England wriggle off the hook, South Africa were forced to win the fourth and final Test just to level the series. If they are as profligate in England this northern summer, they won’t win anything.

There have since been two drawn series against India – after South Africa held a 1-0 lead in both instances – and last year’s bizarre series against Australia, which also ended 1-1 after South Africa had decimated Australia in the opening match in Cape Town. That Australia were able to dust themselves down and draw that series was proof positive that, although the Proteas are an outstanding unit with several champion players, there is something lacking when it comes to delivering the coup de grace.

Taylor and Bracewell the future New Zealand have embarked on several rebuilding efforts in recent years – whatever happened to Daniel Flynn? Or Jamie How? But there is evidence that this latest wave of new recruits – Kane Williamson, Doug Bracewell and Trent Boult, even Tim Southee, who is only 23 but seems to have been around for ages – are made of the right stuff. As willing as the early indications suggest they are, they are also raw, so it is vital the relatively senior players, who are not so old either – the likes of Ross Taylor, Martin Guptill and Brendon McCullum – get the most out of themselves.

Clockwise: the impressive Doug Bracewell; Vernon Philander has made his mark; AB de Villiers and Hashim Amla among the runs

Given Jesse Ryder’s ongoing disciplinary issues – a pity, given his talent and the Kiwis’ persistent need for another quality batsmen in the middle order – an even greater burden of responsibility comes to rest on Taylor’s shoulders.

The top order has potential but remains brittle, meaning Taylor is too often required to mount rescue missions after the loss of early wickets. The other key player for the Black Caps is rookie fast bowler Doug Bracewell, who, after just four Tests, looks a player capable of leading the New Zealand attack for a generation.

Photos: Getty

Proteas boast edge in talent The key to South Africa’s sustained performance in recent years has been their settled line-up, batsmen Graeme Smith, Jacques Kallis, Hashim Amla and AB de Villiers all walk-up starts – Kallis and De Villiers in particularly powerful form over the past two years. Behind the stumps, Mark Boucher is still plugging away, while pacemen Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel form the world’s most ferocious new-ball combination. To have players of such quality affords South Africa an enviable stability, anchoring a line-up with pinchhitters slotting in around the mainstays.

There are question marks over a couple of the batting spots. Ashwell Prince has fallen out of favour, allowing Jacques Rudolph and Alviro Petersen further opportunities at Test level. It is surely only a matter of time, though, until JP Duminy, a masterful limited-overs batsmen, finds his way back into the side after being dropped two years ago.

The Proteas’ spin options are less impressive. Journeyman Imran Tahir has replaced Paul Harris as the first-choice tweaker, while Robin Peterson is also in the squad. South Africa must be tempted to pick four quicks, given they have the remarkable Vernon Philander demanding selection along with Lonwabo Tsotsobe and rookie Marchant de Lange, who claimed a seven-wicket haul on debut last December.

HANGING BY A THREAD RYDER SUSPENDED AGAIN New Zealand batsman Jesse Ryder (above) could be finished at international level after again breaching alcohol rules, prompting team bosses to declare him unavailable for selection against South Africa.

Ryder, 27, has twice before landed himself in hot water through boozy off-field indiscretions but had vowed to stay off the grog. However, he and Doug Bracewell last week went out for a few drinks and got into an argument with a member of the public.

The players have been reprimanded for misconduct and, while Bracewell is likely to survive as it is his first offence, Ryder may have burnt his bridges, which would be a major loss for New Zealand.

“Both players have apologised for their actions and said they fully understand the consequences. They know they have let down fans and team-mates alike,” team manager Mike Sandle said.

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THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME TO SEE US AT THE SHOW

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METAL NIGHTS Swedish black metal silliness at Soundwave 2012 in the Sydney Showground, Australia, courtesy of Watain.

Photos: Celia Topping, Dmitry Gudkov, Getty

INSIDE

WINTER WAVES /58

REINDEER MAN /66

COASTAL CAMBODIA /72

Could surfing in Devon’s ice-cold waters actually be fun? Or is it just plain bonkers?

We wrap up warm and find out.

Try a day in the life of the Sami, the indigenous people of Arctic Finland, in one of the world’s most unforgiving environments.

Head to the coast to experience the country’s natural beauty, with arse-clenching bus rides, isolated beaches and jungle treks to boot.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

55

TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

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You will need many, many baths after Holi

ACTION ALGARVE The Algarve is perhaps best known as a makeshift retirement home for the more senior ranks of the British population; an undemanding stretch of beaches and sleepy fishing villages perfectly suited for working on a shade of tan to complement a blue rinse. However, I’ve just returned from four days in Portugal’s southernmost region and, far from feeling the contented peace of a person put out to pasture, find myself utterly knackered.

HOLI Northern India and Nepal Traditional divisions of class, gender and age are abandoned in this exuberant ‘Festival of Colours’ that celebrates the beginning of spring.

8 It’s a messy, technicolour affair where everyone takes to the streets and pelts each other with dyed powder, paint and water. The craziest day is this final one, when burning effigies and bonfires are also thrown into the mix.

MAR

WHY: The celebrations last for three days around the March full moon, marking the end of the winter season. It’s a time to rejoice and commemorate the legend of devout Vishnu follower, Prahlada. And what better way to do that than throw paint and water at each other?

SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

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holifestival.org

OMIZUTORI

Austin, Texas, US

Nara, Japan

This massive music festival features more than 2000 9-18 performances, including Lana Del Rey, Kimbra, Imogen Heap and The Shins. The fest also holds screenings of new films including 21 Jump Street and Wikileaks: Secrets & Lies. There are also workshops and presentations from stars such as Judd Apatow, Lisa Kudrow, and Kevin Smith.

Todai-ji monks carry giant burning torches up the steps 1-14 of the Buddhist temple in a sacred ceremony that dates back 1000 years. Those onlookers lucky enough to be showered with the purifying sparks will be protected from evil things in the coming year. No need to worry about burns – a water-drawing ceremony using healing water follows.

MAR

sxsw.com

WILDFOODS FESTIVAL

MAR

jnto.go.jp

CINCOMARZADA

Hokitika, New Zealand

Zaragoza, Spain

Huhu grubs, wasp larvae ice cream, ostrich 10 sandwiches – there’s nothing too weird to be featured on the menu at this culinary festival.

The holiday honours Zaragoza’s citizens, who 5 in 1838 defended the city against a Carlist attack. Picnics and barbies abound.

MAR

wildfoods.co.nz

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DO IT BECAUSE: When else can you splatter oceans of paint all over friends and strangers alike with no apologies, just a simple “Holi Hai”? Look out, though, as foreigners inevitably make the best targets.

You’ll be scrubbing yourself for days.

MAR

spain.info

Photos: Getty

I’d heard there was action in the Algarve – surfline.com named it the best place in the world to surf over February, after all. I even got chance to struggle to stand up on my own board amid the notorious winter swell, thanks to Sagres-based local surf guru Martha. This bleachedblonde Portuguese chick seems to know all the surfer hippies in town – there’s no shortage of weatherbeaten, dreadlocked dudes living out of their vans here. I even scored an invite from her band of buddies to pose as a restaurateur at Cliff Richard’s winery nearby and chug free samples but, alas, there was more than surfing on the agenda.

Over a handful of days I hiked through the Algarve’s mountains, penetrating tiny inland villages where oranges and almonds still carry the most currency; kayaked coastal lagoons to secret beaches and watched leathery, tanned fishermen collecting oysters from their traps; and biked along dramatic cliff tops smashed by angry waves below. Not quite the saggingskin-in-swimsuits scene most holidaymakers expect.

But then I reckon that, more often than not, there is far more to a destination than you’re led to believe. You just have to be bothered to look. More on my Algarve adventures in a couple of weeks – after I’ve recovered.

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MALARIA MAYHEM Own up: who hasn’t been taking their malaria medication when travelling? Quite a few of us, it would seem, as the NHS has reported a 27 per cent increase in patients seeking treatment for the disease over the past two years. Malaria – which can only be spread by mosquitoes in tropical areas – is the world’s second biggest killer. Dr Ron Behrens, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said the risk of catching malaria had increased because “there has been a significant rise in the number of people travelling to places, such as West Africa, India and Pakistan, where malaria can be contracted”.

PHONE BILL SHOCKER Data roaming charges racked up by holidaymakers using smart phones to access the web while abroad are generating phone bills that cost thousands of pounds. Telecoms watchdog Ofcom reported that 1.4 million customers could have been affected in the last six months alone. Which? also called for mobile phone companies to provide clearer information for customers regarding service and data charges abroad. Have you ever received a crazy mobile phone bill after a holiday? Let us know at letters@tntmagazine.com.

BIGGING UP BURMA We gave you the tip-off back in January, but it’s official: Burma (or Myanmar) is the destination to travel to this year. Tour operators are reporting overwhelming demand for Burma in 2012, with Explore adding a whopping 70 extra dates recently and the Ultimate Travel Company describing interest as “phenomenal”. Bookings have more than doubled after the National League for Democracy lifted its tourism boycott and encouraged ethical travel to the troubled country. We’ll be bringing you the best of Burma with two special features over summer.

THE LIFE OF BRIAN Life just got a lot sweeter for TNT reader Brian Murphy, who was announced as the winner of our blogging competition at the TNT Travel Show on Saturday. Brian’s blog, ‘A stroll through the favelas’, bagged him an all-expenses-paid trip around South Africa, travelling from Cape Town to Johannesburg and going shark diving, kite surfing and on safari along the way. Brian, a teacher from Belfast, will be blogging about his trip for us, so keep a keen eye on tntmagazine. com/southafricablog. You can also read Brian’s winning entry at my.tntmagazine.com/blogs.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Beach breaks: Croyde Bay in Devon 12 37#.+6; ;176* *156'. #%%1//1&#6+10

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Chilled out: get ready to brave the waves

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Croyde Bay NORTH DEVON

ENGLAND MAP

REQUEST LONDON PLEASE!

The Thatch is the centre of Croyde village. Enjoy pub grub from ÂŁ10. Something fancier, such as special ribs or Mexican chicken, goes for ÂŁ14.95.

Croyde Bay

Barnstaple

GETTING THERE A return coach ticket from London Victoria to Barnstaple starts at about ÂŁ35 (nationalexpress.com).

Then catch a bus from Barnstaple to Braunton (about ÂŁ1.80). Croyde Bay is a short walk from the bus stop.

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking to save some dosh, try the Brook Store, which has freshly cooked pasties â&#x20AC;&#x201C; including a great range of vegetarian options â&#x20AC;&#x201C; from ÂŁ2.

The Thatch (again!) has a great traditional English pub vibe. It has its own cider on tap and pints start at ÂŁ2.80. Get involved in â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Open Micâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; night on Sundays, which goes off even in winter.

The Manor is a five-minute walk from the main area of shops down Croydeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s original village lane, past 16th-century thatched cottages.

Sandy Hollow is clean and comfortable. The best thing about it is the owner, Dessy.

He does a daily surf report for magicseaweed.com and is full of advice. He also makes a mean full English breakfast. From about ÂŁ45pppn. (01271 890556) If booking with a big group of friends, try self-catering accommodation through a letting agent such as marsdens.co.uk, choicecottages. info, coastal-cottages.com, or holidayletttings.co.uk. Prices range from as little as ÂŁ150 a week.

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UKTRIP

Winter waves Could surfing in Devon’s ice-cold waters actually be fun, or is it just plain bonkers? We find out

Photos: Phil Bostwick, Getty

WORDS PHIL BOSTWICK

An icy upsurge catches me unawares. My legs spread-eagled for balance, I nose the board into the breaking wave and raise myself elegantly above its crest. At least that was the plan. Instead, the swell smashes me in the face and continues unsolicited into every narrow cranny between me and my seal-like outer layer. Having been ripped, only minutes earlier, from the cosy enclosure of my down jacket and thrust into unfamiliar freezing surrounds – wearing little more than my birthday suit – I feel as good as reborn.

“You want to avoid the flush-through,” says 59-year-old surf guru and local B&B owner Dessy. He’s right. As well as the ice-cold flooding in, my wetsuit is tucked incorrectly into my booties and one leg swells to elephantine proportions. My chilled groin, I suspect, is at the opposite end of the scale.

I’m in Croyde Bay – literally – in North Devon, home to what Dessy calls “one of the best beach breaks in England; if not the best”. For this reason, it warrants surfing year-round.

My self-appointed mission is to locate that dedicated surfer within, unhinged enough to risk beloved extremities and general wellbeing for a killer ride. I hit the surf at high tide, probably a good idea since the low-tide waves pack a harder punch. For the more experienced, there’s also a reef break at the northern and southern ends of the bay, perfect if you get a kick out of surfing shallow waters over rocks.

I got here after a few hours on the bus from London, catching my first glimpse of the West Country through the window. Dark green, rolling hills, spotted with quaint farm cottages and spindly, leafless trees, emerge from the misty midday haze. On the north coast, the hills, battered by cold westerly winds, dive headlong into murky, grey waters. It’s no wonder the crowds wait until summer to flood this area – which is good news for a Kiwi accustomed to sharing a beach with the seagulls and no one else.

“In winter you’ve got to want to surf,” explains Dessy, who gets amongst it whenever the swell warrants in summer, winter, whenever. As long as there’s surf. “I usually last for an hour-and-a-half at this time of year. As long as you get out as soon as your lips go numb, you’re OK. That’s one of the first signs of hypothermia.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, Dessy’s known for being a tad crazy – in the nicest possible way, of course. For this reason, I also enlist the assistance of a sensible surf instructor, Carlo,

manager of Surfing Croyde Bay. He spends a third of his life submerged, so when he hits the beach in winter his 6mmthick wetsuit spends the night before on a heater. I’m not so lucky. My borrowed second skin is still wet from a recent icy downpour. Luckily, this only deepens my resolve and, through gritted teeth, I cajole myself into a determined ‘bring it on’ mindset.

Avoiding the all-over-body-shock of a togged mid-winter dip – or a nuddy one, for that matter – with a winter wetsuit on, complete with three-fingered gloves and peaked hood, the unwelcome deep-freeze is more gradual. The water seeps

“

In winter, you’ve got to want to surf

”

in slowly from every angle and, after 20 minutes in the surf, my lips become numb and general communication is difficult.

Despite the warnings, I push on. I manage some upstanding moments, leaving me brimming with joy and wanting more.

But, after 45 minutes, a dull ice-cream headache starts to thrum behind my eyes and I call it a day. Still, I’d recommend winter surfing to anyone. Sure, the water’s freezing, but with the right kind of equipment and dedication to the cause, the suffering is sure to pay off.

I end a great day with a visit to prized local pub, The Thatch. Finding the place packed to the gunnels, I encounter many laidback, leathery-skinned types. With cosy, low ceilings, comfort food and drink on tap, this pub is the perfect place for me to float gently back down NEXT WEEK to Earth after my unceremonious, bone-chilling mid-winter rebirth Big action in the Peak District earlier in the day. ❚

Phil hit the waves with Surfing Croyde Bay surfingcroydebay.co.uk A surfing lesson costs from £40 for 2.5hrs. You can also hire a board and wetsuit from £15 for 4hrs. Other providers are open throughout winter

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LATEDEALS

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Two nights in Tallinn is £125pp with easyJet Holidays

DEAL OF THE WEEK LUXURY BUDAPEST

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Three nights is £285pp with lowcostholidays.com (0844 3722399). Includes fivestar, B&B accommodation and flights. Departs April 21. Tip: be sure to warm the Eastern European chill in the city’s thermal baths.

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

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ALGARVE Three nights in Portugal’s Algarve is £114pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays). Includes all-inclusive accommodation and flights.

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BERLIN Three nights in Berlin is £179pp with Flight Centre (08444 999284; flightcentre.co.uk), using discount code BERLONPAC4. Includes three-star, B&B accommodation and flights, based on two sharing. Add on a Cold War Berlin tour for £13 (saving £20). Book by March 15; valid for travel April 17-29.

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PHOTOGRAPHEROFTHEYEAR

RUNNER-UP

AND THE WINNER IS ...

A huge congratulations to all our Photographer Of The Year entrants (see the shortlist at tntmagazine.com/poty). We were impressed by the stunning images sent in by such talented snappers. However, there can only be one winner – so well done to Maria de la Guardia, you’ve bagged an Olympus camera – and the runner-up slot goes to Guy Nesher. Top work!

WINNER GENEVA REFUGEE CAMP, DHAKA, BANGLADESH Maria de la Guardia

WHY IT WORKS We were bowled over by this image. That cheeky smile, the glint in the little girl’s eyes, the vibrant colours all come together to convey a vivacity and positivity. These details become poignant when you consider the girl lives in one of the largest refugee camps in Dhaka, isolated from her own country, Pakistan. This is the perfect example of capturing a moment, an emotion which leaves us wanting to know more.

RUNNER-UP SALAR DE UYUNI, BOLIVIA Guy Nesher

WINNER

WHY IT WORKS Shot on the plains of the Bolivian salt desert, this image represents a beautifully rare moment. Rain from the previous night has remained on the flats, turning the ground into a perfect mirror. But it’s the simplicity of this image what struck us. The reflection of the blue sky complete with fluffy clouds is so perfect that the photograph could be viewed upside down. A fantastic shot.

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TOP FIVE

NORTHERN LIGHTS DESTINATIONS

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FINLAND

Relax...

SONESTA ST. GEORGE, LUXOR OVERVIEW After spending two days on a felucca (with no bathroom), it’s a pleasant surprise to check into this luxurious haven, which is up to promised five-star scratch (and also incredibly affordable). Shiny marble and huge, twinkling chandeliers are the first thing you see when you walk in, and the opulent decor smacks of colonial times – fitting for its location on the banks of the river Nile. There are plenty of restaurants with food from around the world, including Miyako, which serves Japanese cuisine, and the Nile-side Aladdin, where you can get good oriental and Middle Eastern grub.

WOW FACTOR You can watch the old-style cruise boats and feluccas pass along the Nile from the bar in the pool or one of two outdoor jacuzzis. Then there’s the floating deck that juts out above the river, so sunbathers can get really close to the water.

ROOMS Clean, comfy, with spacious balconies and fancy marble bathrooms.

BILL PLEASE This luxurious five-star hotel is super-cheap – doubles start from £38 per night.

Corniche El Nile Street, Luxor, Egypt. sonesta.com / Egypt packages available with onthegotours.com Return flights from London Heathrow to Cairo cost from £354 with BMI (flybmi.com)

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

You may have noticed that TNT is particularly excited about the Northern Lights this year, travelling all over, from Norway to Orkney, in the hope of catching them (were we successful?

Find out at tntmagazine.com/travel).

But there’s a jolly good reason for this, and that’s NASA’s prediction the unearthly auroral display will be at its very best for 50 years in 2012.

Here’s the science: this year is a period of a solar maximum, which means the sun’s magnetic field is rotating at a faster pace on the solar equator than it is at the solar poles, which creates greater activity than normal. Apparently.

So what does this mean to me and you? Big, exciting displays in the sky, that’s what. The phenomenon can appear as jagged twisting shapes, a billowing blanket of light, a spectacular laser show, or even resemble a pair of headlights – usually in a shade of rave-tastic alien-green, although other colours can materialise (often blue, pinky-purple and orange). It’s a dumbfounding sight witnessed by

few of your fellow earthlings, which is why travellers make the extra effort to seek them out in the most isolated corners of the Arctic Circle.

Finland is an awesome spot for anyone after some aurora borealis action. Get yourself up to Finnish Lapland – particularly Kilpisjarvi in the north-west – for the best chance of catching them. The further away you are from light pollution, the better.

You’ll need a clear, dark night – even a full moon will dull the effects.

Other options in Finland include the Oulanka National Park in the far north. Basecamp Oulanka offers log cabins with saunas and hot tubs (at a price – around £1500 for a week, with flights), and basic huts at the Davvi Arctic Lodge in Karesuando also let you learn about Sami culture (more on the Sami on P66) at about £1000 for a week, including flights.

We also like the Kakslauttanen Holiday Village, 80km from the Russian border, where you can view the light show from your bed in a glass igloo. visitfinland.com

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SWEDEN

Abisko Mountain Station touts itself as the best place in the world to view the Northern Lights, and visitors have reported “exceptional” displays so far this year.

The sky station is open from December until March, and you can spend the night or head on to the nearby Ice Hotel (pictured) – just in case you’ve not quite had your fill of ice and snow. Wrap up warm and bring your piggy bank – it’s pricey. visitsweden.com

Photos: Thinkstock

4

ICELAND

At Hotel Ranga in southern Iceland, you can relax and watch the lights from naturally heated outdoor hot tubs, with a backdrop of volcanoes, mountains and glaciers all adding to the wow factor.

Another option is a new trip to a remote fishing village on the Snaefellsnes Peninsula, where you can spend the days spotting killer whales and the nights watching the lights.

Iceland Express does some fairly cheap flights, too. visiticeland.com; icelandexpress.com

NORTHERN LIGHTS DESTINATIONS

3

TOP FIVE

ALASKA

Alaska’s Fairbanks is found within the ‘aurora oval’ where the red, green, blue and violet lights make the most regular appearances.

The best time to make a trip here is from December until March, when the sky is at its clearest. Luckily for you, the unusually active solar shenanigans are set to continue until early 2013, so this is still an option. travelalaska.com

5

NORWAY

There are plenty of cruises that sail up the country’s spectacular coastline, giving you great views of Norway’s dramatic fjords as well as the aurora borealis far away from the cities.

If you’re looking to save a bob or two, try Tromso – the destination itself is hardly cheap, but a five-hour lights-chasing bus tour with Tromso Adventure can cost as little as £90pp.

See our feature at tntmagazine.com/ travel for more details on chasing the lights cheaply.

NEXT WEEK Wildlife-spotting holidays: The best places to get up close

visitnorway.com; tromsoadventure.no

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TRAVELTIPS

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

father wants to go to the Republic Q My of Ireland in March for a family

considering visiting the Dolomites, Q I’m but am not sure of the cheapest airport

wedding. He hasn’t held a passport for 30 years or so – will he need one? We haven’t decided whether to drive or fly yet.

Miss Corbin, via email

to fly into and what exactly there is to do in that area if I have about four days. Do you have any advice?

Ruchi Sheoran, via email

is an interesting question as the rules A This are not hard and fast. The Foreign Office

good way to get there cheaply – and A Areasonably directly as you don’t have a

64

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great deal of time – is to fly to Venice Treviso.

Ryanair is the only airline to fly there from London – the service leaves from Stansted and costs from about £20.99 one-way. Then hop on the train to the town of Conegliano at the foot of the Dolomites.

This train journey will take you 25 minutes and you will need to get a taxi or bus to the train station from the airport, but it’s only 5km away. When you arrive in Conegliano you will be met with a delightful town which is also home to Prosecco, so spend a day here sampling the wares along Strada di Prosecco (Prosecco Road).

It’s also home to Italy’s most prestigious winemaking school, Scuola Enologica.

I would then head up to Belluno (you can get a direct train here from Conegliano) and use this pretty Renaissance-era town with incredible views of the mountains as your base.

To experience one of the flashier ski resorts, hop on the bus up to Cortina D’Ampezzo. Even without snow, the hiking and rock-climbing should keep you entertained.

To plan your travel, use trenitalia.com for train travel and dolomitibus.it for local buses.

TRAIN VS PLANE Use Eurostar to travel to Amsterdam, via Brussels. From about £99 return, it’s not much more than an airfare (especially when you take into account transport to Stansted and the rest), takes just over 4.5 hours direct (not much longer than flying when you count getting to the airport/ check-in times) and, if you fancy it, you can plan your connections to enjoy some moules et frites and a Hoegaarden in Brussels on the way ...

Catherine Jarvie, via email

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Thinkstock

explains that, as the Republic of Ireland is considered part of the common travel area of the UK, technically you do not need a passport as long as your dad has other photographic ID (eg a photo driving licence). However, the Foreign Office does caveat this by recommending you take your passport with you if you have one, as different operators have different rules.

Aer Lingus, for example, clearly states on its website that driving licences are accepted as a form of ID. Irish Ferries’ advice, however, is more ambiguous, recommending all passengers bring a passport, but that other forms of ID are acceptable. The simple answer is that having a passport is the safest option.

If you think it’s an unnecessary expense, make sure you choose an travel operator that states in its policy that other photographic ID is acceptable. I would confirm with the airline’s or ferry operator’s customer service team in writing, or consult their terms and conditions ahead of booking and then bring a print-out of this with you. I’m assuming your dad is a British or Irish citizen. Otherwise, he will most definitely need a passport.

APPY HOLIDAYS TIP Download the TripCase app OF THE (tripcase.com/travelsmarter). WEEK It helps organise the details of your trip, saves all your flight details, updates you if there are delays, cancellations, etc etc.

Anthony Fairweather, via Facebook

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OLD TBILISI, GEORGIA Shalva Chilindrishvili from Georgia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

MATTHEW CARR, 21

REMIE PURTILL, 25

St Louis, US

Dublin, Ireland

BEST For years I’ve taken an annual trip to Hilton Head in the summer. It’s a great time to relax on the beach and get away from the horrible summer heat in my home town.

Worst travel experience?

I went to Pakistan during the drum festival and I got talking to some men. I guess they thought too much of it and they followed me outside and jumped all over me, until an older Pakistani man told them to stop. There are such huge differences between the cultures – I wouldn’t recommend going to Pakistan to any young girls.

Essential travel item?

A money belt. Although I left mine at a hotel with everything in it once!

WORST It surprises people to hear this, but one of my least favourite holidays was a trip to the Lake District.

I guess I hadn’t realised it until I got there, but I’m not much of an outdoorsy person. Just a few hours into our trip, my friends and I were ready to get back to London. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Photos: TNT, Thinkstock

SPLASHING OUT

VIP SKI IN THE ALPS Check into a VIP ski chalet, located right in the centre of Morzine, and you can fit a group of two to 15 people in there.

Plus, there’s a sauna and hot tub.

Book a chalet from £75pn or £2000 per week for sole use with VIP Ski (0844 5573119; vip-chalets. com). Stay self-catering or half-board; breakfast from £7.50pp.

THE INSIDER

ANDY JONES Office manager Monkeyshrine Trans-Siberian Railway tours; monkeyshrine.com

My most challenging travel experience was hitchhiking through south-west France when I was 14. I was studying French at school but couldn’t understand a word any of the drivers said. With little money left, I slept on park benches with the tramps. A great experience in the end, as it gave me the independence and inspiration to travel further.

My favourite place in the world is Mongolia. It’s a world away from the hectic pace of China, with a wonderful culture, friendly people, clear blue skies and the endless open steppe.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Scandinavia. I travel across Russia on the Trans-Siberian railway for work, but never have the time to explore the countries on their western border. I want to head from Russia to Finland, Sweden and the Baltics.

My top travel tip is book a local guide. You see and learn so much more when you have a local to show you around.

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On the hoof: reindeer grazing at a clearing in Inari

Inari FINNISH LAPLAND

LA

L

Ivalo

A

ND

Inari

P

FINLAND

HELSINKI

‘Best job’: herder Petri Makkus GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Finnair flies from London Heathrow to Ivalo, via Helsinki.

Return tickets from from £199 (finnair.com).

Traditional Sami dress

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Reindeer man Try a day in the life of the Sami – the indigenous people of Arctic Finland – in one of the world’s most unforgiving environments WORDS CELIA TOPPING

A reindeer gallops behind me, chasing my sled. Petri, on the skidoo in front, calls out again, a long guttural sound, and I can see more reindeer lift their heads between the snow-laden trees and start to canter our way. We speed through the forest, and I feel like an Arctic pied piper as more reindeer gather in our wake. Suddenly we’re out the other side and into a vast flat clearing; a frozen lake under about a metre of ice and 30cm of snow.

I look around; from all directions reindeer are appearing out of the forest. It’s an extraordinary sight. They’re not tame, but I’m within five metres of them, and they seem happy for Petri and I to wander among them.

Petri Makkus is a Sami reindeer herder, like his ancestors for thousands of years before him. The Sami are the Arctic’s indigenous people and live across a region they call Sapmi, within the Arctic Circle of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. Although descended from a nomadic people that moved with their herds and lived in laavu (teepees), Petri and his family now live in a wooden house in Inari, the largest Sami region in Northern Lapland, Finland. Here, there are 6800 people and 42,000 reindeer.

Petri wastes no time in lighting a fire and cutting off hunks of smoked reindeer meat from his leather pouch. He spears them on the end of a sharpened stick and warms them over the fire. It all seems to happen in one smooth movement; years of habit following centuries of tradition.

“My best moment is when I see the first baby reindeer in May. New life,” he tells me. But there’s a lot more to the herder’s life than calving. There’s rounding up, slaughtering, skinning, hunting predators such as bear and wolverine, and ear-marking, the yearly ritual of cutting the new calves’ ears with a unique herder’s pattern, so each can identify his own animals. Petri explains: “You can see a little of my life in one day, but to really understand the life of a reindeer herder, you must be here one year, through all the seasons.”

Sadly, the Sami no longer wear their brightly coloured traditional clothing, except on special occasions. But Petri still uses curled-toe reindeer-fur shoes, a leather-embossed belt hung with his invaluable knives and a calf-skin hat.

The reindeer are beginning to wander off or lie down to rest, so it’s time for us to go. I bid goodbye to this tranquil spot and we take the jolting journey back through the forest, where glittering snow crystals dance and shimmer on the freezing air.

When we arrive back at the house, the sky is a pale shade of blue, fading towards the horizon into pink and orange, in what seems to be a permanent sunrise or sunset. Petri introduces me to his wife, Kirsi. “The sun only came back two weeks ago,” she tells me, “so I love to go out to admire it.”

After the polar winter, even just a few hours of this magical pinkish-blue light must be glorious.

“

I’m like an Arctic pied piper with reindeer

”

Far removed from the Samis’ traditional teepee, Petri and Kirsi live in two-storey digs with a fireplace and all the mod cons. I ask Kirsi what it’s like being a reindeer herder’s wife.

She laughs and tells me: “It’s not just a job, it’s a way of life for the whole family.” She gets involved in the round-ups ››

Ice fishing: Petri drills for dinner

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and their two sons already have their own earmarked animals.

We don’t have long before night sets in so we hop back on the skidoo and hurry to the lake where there are fishing nets that Petri’s father has lain. It’s an ingenious but simple method of ice-fishing which Petri tends three times a week – two holes drilled in the snow about 50m apart, with a fishing net strung between them. Petri begins to pull the net out of the water. He asks if I’d like to try, but I consider my bare hands, at -17ºC, in freezing water and politely demur.

“A good catch!” he exclaims. “Perch, pike and my favourite, trout. I will salt it tonight and eat it tomorrow with bread.”

The moon is up now, and the snowy expanse of the frozen lake looks beautiful in the half-light. I have the option of staying a night in the traditional laavu, but am keen to go on a snow-shoe trek, so I thank Petri and ask him if he wasn’t a reindeer herder, what would he be. He smiles, opens his arms wide, looks around and says: “There is no other job for me.

Look, I have the best office in the world!” ❚ Celia went reindeer herding with Petri Mattus €100 (about £85) per person per day. Also see

petrimattus.com from saariselka.fi

Are you looking at me?

NEXT WEEK Too hip to handle: Enjoying uber-cool Berlin like a local

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

If you get hungry on your crosscountry skiing/ hiking/ biking trail, stop by the popular Savotta Kahvila café for a big bowl of warming daily soup, or a cup of coffee with one of the great selection of cakes. (savottakahvila.fi)

Tucking into reindeer, lingonberries and mash at Huippu Panorama Café, overlooking the snowy Saariselka fells in the beautiful light of a Lappish sunset, is a pretty good way to spend your dinner money.

Downhill skiing and tobogganing are available next door. Meals from €17 (£14). (+358 16 668 803)

Petronella is named after a Dutch lady who hung around gold prospectors in the region, having a grand old time. Now enjoy traditional local and international food in style, and raise a glass to the original golddigger. (ravintolapetronella.fi)

DRINK

Local microbrewery Panimo does beers for €1 (85p). Can’t argue with that. (netti.fi/~panimo/english.htm)

For a bit of traditional dancing and live music, the bar at Santa’s Hotel Tunturi is the place to head for. You never know, after a few, you might meet the big man himself. (tunturihotelli.fi)

It’s not too pricey, but Teerenpesa is where the younger visitors to Saariselka tend to hang out, soak up the booze, eat some decent food and have a little dance. (saariselka.com)

SLEEP

At Kiilopaa, you can share a twobed log cabin (with its own sauna!) for as little as €45 (£38) per night.

If you’re travelling alone, there’s the youth hostel for €30 (£25) per night, both situated right next to Urho Kekkonen National Park, a veritable adventure playground for sport and nature lovers. (kiilopaa.fi; +358 16 670 0700)

Hotel Korpikartano’s former incarnation was a school for the local Sami children; you can now sleep in the old library and eat in what used to be the gymnasium. Overlooking Lake Menesjarvi, it makes a great base for a multitude of recreational pursuits all year round. From €45 (£38) for two sharing or €75 (£63) for one. (menesjarvi.fi)

Fancy relaxing on a comfy bed, in your own thermally insulated glass igloo while taking in the majesty of the Northern Lights?

At Kakslauttanen village, this is exactly what you can do. From €180p (£152) with €28 (£24) halfboard supplement including buffet breakfast and dinner. (kakslauttanen.fi)

EAT

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Photos: Getty; Celia Topping; Thinkstock

BUDGET

Scanbalt Experience The expert on budget travel in Scandinavia, The Baltics and Russia

www.scanbaltexperience.com

Due to the success of the TNT Travel Show, we will be extending the discounts on selected trips until the 25th of March 2012

ROUND TRIPS 2012 Scandinavian Explorer 9 Days was ¤590 TNT 15% off Stockholm-Oslo-Fjords-Bergen-Denmark and Copenhagen This trip is the perfect combination of awesome Scandinavian cities with great nightlife and loads of history and stunning Scandinavian nature with great scenery and activities.

Baltic Explorer 7 days was ¤350 TNT 15% off Vilnius-Curonian Spit- Riga-Tallinn Cool Baltic capitals, unique history, great nature, sandy beaches and excellent nightlife!

Russian Explorer 8 days was ¤430 TNT 15% off Tallinn-St Petersburg-Moscow-Helsinki-Stockholm Convenient train and boat travel between five fantastic cities!

Baltic Cruiser 7 days was ¤300 TNT 10% off Tallinn-St Petersburg-Helsinki-Stockholm Visa Free Russia visit and only travel with overnight ferries between four top cities!

Baltic Expedition 13 days was ¤650 TNT 15% off Vilnius-Curonian Spit-Riga-Tallinn- St Petersburg-Helsinki-Stockholm (This trip is the combination of the Baltic Explorer and Baltic Cruiser)

Lapland Christmas Tour was ¤680 TNT 20% off Stockholm-Kiruna-Inari-Rovaniemi-Helsinki Have a white Christmas, do amazing activities and look for the Northern Lights!

Possible combinations: Baltic Explorer + Russian Explorer, Baltic Expedition + Scandinavian Explorer

Baltic Backpacker Bus From Only ¤60 Vilnius-Riga-Tallinn!!!

The Baltic backpacker bus runs Vilnius-Riga and Riga-Tallinn June to August.

There are three departures a week from each city in each direction. There will be stops for sights and activities off the beaten track and great deals for activities in the cities!

Baltic Day Trips Our Baltic Day trips are perfect to combination with our Baltic Backpacker bus or if you just having a short break in Riga or Tallinn. Visit our website for more information about the day trips.

www.scanbaltexperience.com info@scanbaltexperience.com

TRAVELWEEKENDER

Easy Portuguese This is Lisbon in 48 hours WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

DAY 1: 09:00 It’s said to be Europe’s cheapest and sunniest capital. Plus, Lisbon is friendly, relaxed and pretty compact – you’ll be able to cover plenty in just two days. First, get acquainted with the downtown area, Baixa, with its big squares and pedestrianised streets lined with very European cafes, street performers and street sellers. If you’ve only got time to take a walk down one, make sure it’s Rua Augusta to see its arch and the majestic Comercio Square.

11:00 London’s got Big Ben, France has the Eiffel Tower.

Lisbon’s equivalent is the World Hertage-listed Belem Tower (whc.unesco.org). The 16th-century fortress used to guard the city’s harbour entrance and has some impressive stonework depicting saints and animals, including an exoticlooking rhinoceros.

13:00 You’ll be pretty hungry by now, so get stuck in to some authentic Portuguese food at the cosy 100 Manieras (restaurante100maneiras.com). There’s no list of dishes to choose from; you’ll get a set tasting menu of Portuguese culinary greats. And the chef is pretty creative – a cod dish arrives at the table hanging from clothes pegs.

14:30 As you’re not here for very long, get behind the wheel of a GoCar (gocartours.com) rather than trying to cover everything on foot. The three-wheel, toy-like cars may only reach a top speed of 30mph, but they’re all kitted out with GPS to guide you around the city. Drop by Lisbon Castle or ride up one of Lisbon’s seven hills towards the Graca area (this is best to save until a little later in the day, as it’s a top sunset-watching spot). As you drive, a recorded voice will tell you all about each place, dropping in jokes and 72

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anecdotes about the city. Routes aren’t set, so you can go at your own pace, and the two-person cars cost from £20.

18:30 Have a few cheeky drinks before dinner. Barrio Alto is a good spot to get to know if you’re looking for a night on the town. The easy-on-the-eye working class quarter dates back to the 16th century, and its cobbled lanes have traditionally attracted bohemian artists and writers. By the time evening comes, the graffiti-covered facades give way to bars and restaurants, plus shops that stay open until late.

Have a long dinner at Rua Atalaia’s gallery-cum-restaurant Imperio dos Sentidos (imperiodossentidos.com.pt), which serves up international cuisine such as cod, prawn and spinach lasagne, £10.70, and tempura prawns with chilli sauce, £6.50. Go next door to Capela, a favourite for electropop clubbing until the small hours.

03:00 When you can’t take any more, retreat to the Lisbon Old Town Hostel (lisbonoldtownhostel.com). Rooms at the friendly party hostel start at £11pppn.

DAY 2: 10:00 If you’re into surfing, Ribiera d’Ilhas, near the village of Ericeira, can be reached by bus in half an hour from Lisbon’s Campo Grande Terminal. It’s known for its unbeatable waves and has been dubbed one of Europe’s best surfing spots. Boards are £17 per day to rent, and lessons £25.50 (ribeirasurfcamp.com). If you’re not into braving the surf yourself, but are keen to watch, get to Ribiera des Ilhas during the World Surfing Championships, which have been hosted here since the 1980s. When the championships are on it’s worth staying a bit longer to check out the parties, bars and concerts.

present this ad and receive a complimentary hard rock souvenir with 30€ purchase.

Photos: Thinkstock

Not valid with any other offers, one per person per visit. Offer expires 31/12/12.

Valid only at Lisbon location.

14:00 When you get back to Lisbon, have a lunchtime break to sample some Portuguese cafe culture at Cafe no Chiado (cafenochiado.com). After a quiche or a hearty sarnie, don’t forget dessert – the ones here are renowned.

15:00 If you’re not all watered-out, hit the Oceanarium (oceanario.pt) to see penguins, otters, turtles, plus sharks, stingrays and barracudas. It’s Europe’s biggest aquarium with more than 450 different species.

16:30 Squeeze in one more dose of culture at the Lisbon Design and Fashion Museum (mude.pt). It’s got an Oscars gown worn by Renee Zellweger, plus fashion pieces

by Jean Paul Gaultier, Vivienne Westwood and Yves Saint Laurent. There are also lots of design classics from 1937 until now, including furnishings, jewellery, and pieces demonstrating trends in design from around the world.

19:30 You can’t leave Portugal without having its trademark spicy chicken. Try Bonjardim, just off Praca dos Restauradores. Also known as Rei des Frangos (the King of Chickens) this rustic eaterie is famous for its spit-roasted chickens, and you can get a three-course meal for around £13. Be warned: you’ll probably never want to go to Nando’s again.

21:00 Catch some traditional Portuguese folk music at a one of Lisbon’s many Fado Houses. The most authentic is Senor Vinho (srvinho.com), which is owned by one of the country’s top Fado performers, Maria de Fe. Return flights from London Gatwick to Lisbon cost around £127 with easyJet easyjet.com For more info see golisbon.com

lisboa ®

av. da liberdade, 2 +351 213 245 280 hardrock.com/lisbon lisbon _ salesandmarketing@hardrock.com www.facebook.com/hardrockcafelisboa • twitter.com/hardrocklisbon ©2011 Hard Rock International (USA), Inc. All rights reserved. SeeTheShow™

Kampot, Kep, Koh Kong CAMBODIA

CAMBODIA

PHNOM PENH

Koh Kong Kampot

Hidden beauty: Cambodia’s coast 74

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Kep

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Phnom Penh, via Bangkok, for £647 return with Thai Airways (thaiairways.co.uk).

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Coastal Cambodia Head to the coast to experience the country’s natural beauty, with arse-clenching bus rides, isolated beaches and jungle treks to boot WORDS LUCY C E JORDAN

As I walk toward Phnom Penh’s Damkor Market, tuk-tuk drivers call out to me. Do I want to go to S-21? The Killing Fields? You can’t blame them for making an assumption about a rucksack-toting white girl. After all, most visitors come to Cambodia for little more than a hit-and-run tour of its rich and tragic history – the sublime temples of Angkor Wat, or Phnom Penh’s macabre monuments to its bloody past.

But, right now, I’m not looking for Cambodia’s history. I’m looking for a £20 taxi to meet friends in Kampot, a sleepy riverside town with buttercup-yellow colonial buildings and the jump-off point for our tour of Cambodia’s rustic coastal regions.

Kampot

WHEN TO GO: December to February, when the weather is dry, and the vegetation is still green from the wet season.

CURRENCY: £1 = KHR6294 (Cambodian riel) SEE: For trips into Koh Kong’s mangroves, Rainbow Lodge (rainbowlodgecambodia.com) will set you up with Rai on +855 (0) 16 629 941. An eco-tourism project in Koh Kong employs former hunters to run tours. (ecoadventurecambodia.org) Cheang Try Tours in Kampot runs trips to Bokor, Rabbit Island and caves and can also provide motos to rent. (kampot-cambodia.com)

I snooze in the cab. It’s easier here than on the £3 bus, where karaoke videos blare and drivers lean on the horn with a frequency that suggests it’s more a psychological balm than anything else. Shutting my eyes seems preferable to watching the road, which can be, frankly, arse-clenchingly alarming.

Some three hours later I arrive at our guesthouse, Les Manguiers, 2km out of town on the wide Kampot river, cooled by a serene breeze. Resident goats make a comic attempt at disturbing the peace, alternating cautionary brays with absurd sneezes.

After nightfall, cicadas and clucking geckos are the only noises you’ll hear. Unless, like me, you bed down one thin wall away from a French couple watching The Bourne Ultimatum. Then the only noise you’ll hear is the The Bourne Ultimatum.

The owner is a mop-haired, affable chap called Jean Yves, who peppers his speech with plenty of Gallic “ehs” and “bouffs”. We’ve decided to hike to a waterfall, and Jean draws us a map (pass a lotus pond, left at the temple), hands us a packed lunch and motors us across the river. We set off through banana and jackfruit trees.

The warmth and generosity of Cambodians I meet throughout this trip strike me again and again, made all the

more remarkable by the horrors of recent decades. A couple of examples from today alone: we predictably lose our way on the hike, but just as panic takes hold, we come across a local repairing his small farm’s irrigation system, who promptly leads us to the splash pool (“Whoooosh” is the universal word for waterfall, it seems) and rewards himself with a quick dip. On the return leg, local men playing cards insist on sharing their watermelon with us, for no other reason than because we are passing. Parched and flagging, we’re grateful for the refreshment, but they won’t accept payment.

After taking the night to recoup, we visit Bokor Hill Station, built by the French in 1922 as a retreat from Phnom Penh’s swelter, and abandoned in 1972, when the Khmer Rouge took over the area. The burned-out and lichened grandeur of the buildings, including a palatial casino and a Catholic Church, is haunting – or at least it would be, if our guide would stem his incessant stream of jokes and animal impressions for a few seconds. He doesn’t. “To walk up the mountain, it takes one hour,” he continues. “To walk down the mountain, it is faster. Because of gravity.”

Bokor is rich in wildlife, so we also enjoy the company of armed forest rangers, there presumably to nip any impromptu poaching in the bud. They scamper up and down the pitted, slimy trails in flip-flops and hold AK-47s, putting us red-faced, plodding foreigners to shame.

If you can, visit Bokor soon. The government, ever attuned to the prospect of a tidy profit, has leased the site to one of Cambodia’s biggest developers.

They plan to redevelop the smoke-blackened casino, and build a massive new hotel halfway down the mountain, for which foundations are already being laid. Tourism accounts for roughly a fifth of the GDP here, so you can’t really blame the government for wanting to capitalise on an attraction. But it’s also difficult to see how a huge, glitzy hotel on this remote mountainside could be anything but ›› bone-jarringly out of place.

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Clockwise: a monk prays; a cheeky gibbon; sunset boat ride; a local on Boeung Kak lake Kep Next up is Kep, another erstwhile favourite of the French and Cambodian elite. Here, too, history proves hard to escape – the town is dotted with the bombed-out bones of once-grand seaside villas targeted by the Khmer Rouge for righteous destruction.

But while Bokor is eerie, Kep is vital. Colourful flowers and lush vegetation erupt from the ruins, and yet more irrepressible goats have the run of the place (they bear no respect for personal belongings). Monks in ochre robes amble down rust-red tracks, and local kids compete to give us directions to the crab market, thrilled to practice their English. It’s peaceful, but not a ghost town. “What really strikes me in Kep is the sense of isolation,” my travel buddy Dmitry says. “But in a good way.”

Kep National Park looms above the town, and can be circumnavigated in two hours – just long enough to warrant a reward at Knai Bang Chatt, a dazzlingly white luxury hotel on the seafront. The rates, which begin at $115 (£73) a night, are too rich for our backpacker budget, but we savour the two-for-one happy-hour cocktails as the sky blushes pink over the Gulf of Thailand.

The seafood in this town is famous, and rightly so. Our waitress at Kim Ly, for my money the best of the restaurants in a row of stilt houses jutting out over the water, tells us that Kep crabs are particularly delicious because they spend half their lives in the mangroves, and “it makes them fat”.

After the waitress takes our order, we see her brother calmly wade into the pitch-black sea and pluck our still-living supper from a tethered wooden crate. They are unbelievably good – plump, succulent, and perfectly spiced with fragrant local green pepper.

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Mainland Kep doesn’t have a decent beach, but the scruffily idyllic Rabbit Island is only a 20-minute boat ride away. Here, you’re as likely to meet a friendly puppy or a cow as a fellow sun-seeker. Good seafood, cold drinks, and massages are on offer, but there’s no sense of urgency – it’s all tout-free and wonderfully laid-back.

There are a few bare-bones bungalows where you can stay, but don’t expect a scene – the handful of locals shut off their generators after 9pm.

Isolated: Rainbow Lodge, solar-powered bungalows

Koh Kong Our last stop is Koh Kong. Four of us split a taxi and squeeze ourselves in for the five- or six-hour, £45 ride.

Until recently, residual fighting and poor infrastructure meant Koh Kong remained largely untouched by tourists.

Now new roads and bridges have allowed eco-tourism projects to flourish and help protect the area by giving a wage to locals who have historically logged the rainforest or poached to survive.

We’ve opted for Rainbow Lodge, a solar-powered cluster of bungalows wedged in a verdant corner between the Tatai river and the edge of the Cardamoms – an expanse of rainforest containing some of Asia’s most endangered species: Malayan sunbears, clouded leopards and Irrawaddy dolphins. Janet, Rainbow Lodge’s British owner, sends a boat

“

The sky blushes pink over the Gulf

”

to meet us at the bridge where the taxi drops us and take us down river to our bungalows.

Koh Kong is a great spot for energetic travellers, and we’re pretty busy over the next few days. We bike to a tangled, otherworldly mangrove swamp. We kayak up the Tatai river to a waterfall. (I’ve never seen so many butterflies.) On a day-trip to Koh Kong Island, which has painfully beautiful beaches, deserted but for a few yawning Cambodian soldiers, a pod of dolphins frolics in the wake of our boat. And, somehow, we also manage to spend a decent amount of time lying in hammocks, cold Angkor beer in hand, listening to gibbons holler and whoop in the trees, as though at a raucous party. I willfully push thoughts of returning to the city out of my mind.

On our penultimate night, we take Janet up on the offer of a night in the jungle. I love the outdoors, but remain a reluctant camper, having one too many grim childhood memories of a wet holiday spent pathetically needling my ›› sisters to play cards with me. But this is no dank Welsh

The Insider's guide Lauren Crothers, a journalist based in Phnom Penh, gives her top tips on getting the best from Cambodia.

What’s Cambodia’s best-kept secret?

While in Phnom Penh, go to a Khmer beer garden like Sbov Meas on St 184 – get the deep-fried prawns and dip them in a blend of pepper and lime; or Sovanna on St 21 – excellent barbecued pork and steak. You can also rent bikes and take them across to Silk Island, which gives you another perspective of the city. Battambang is equidistant to Phnom Penh and Siem Reap. Head there and check out the circus at Phar Ponleu Selpak and the pre-Angkorian ruin of Ek Phnom, where entry is only a few dollars. The same goes for Wat Atvea in Siem Reap, a few clicks out of town, where there is no entry fee. Both have still functioning pagodas on the grounds.

Where do you go to party?

Friday nights at Bodhi Villa in Kampot town for live music, a huge iTunes selection and an inevitable latenight swim in the river. Huge, who owns Bodhi with his wife, Joss, is a keen kitesurfer and knows some good spots to ride in the area. Line your stomach with a rack of pork ribs from The Rusty Keyhole on Kampot’s riverside. In Phnom Penh, the Elsewhere party on the first Friday of the month is a big draw on St 278; drinks are cheap and there are two pools to cool off in.

Where do you go to chill?

Otres Beach, which is Sihanoukville without the sleaze.

Beautiful white sand, clear water, gorgeous huts on the beach and cows wandering past. In Kep, go to Kim Ly – far left of the crab market – for crab with Kampot pepper, and Baraka a few doors down for a sunset cocktail on the roof. Stay at Kep Lodge, Kukuluku or the Veranda. If you’re lucky, the folks at Knai Bang Chaat let you use the pool, right on the seafront.

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hillside. At the spot we reach, after a few hours of trekking through the jungle, the river snakes and flattens out into a wide, tranquil pool, and the vista opens up to reveal clouds settling over an adjacent peak. We dive into the water. Our guides pitch shelter and set up a barbeque.

Despite the jungle’s cacophony, I sleep like a baby, well-fed and exhausted.

It strikes me, lying here, that so many come seeking Cambodia’s history that they miss out on what might be a short-lived heyday for these quiet areas. This could be a tipping point – political stability and growth have allowed access to these remote regions, but that access has yet to be exploited in full by aggressive economic interests.

Last April, prime minister Hun Sen withdrew permission for a titanium mine in the Cardamoms after a campaign by conservationists. It’s a win, but it’s hard to say if this sudden eco-consciousness will last – the decision came as a surprise to many here, and his track record elsewhere hasn’t been great, to say the least.

But for now, this part of Cambodia remains enchanting and feels a world away from the crush of Angkor and Phnom Penh’s museums. Come see it while you can. ❚

LYHEU TRAVEL CAMBODIA

UNFORGETTABLE TRAVEL EXPERIENCES IN SOUTHEAST ASIA...

Tel: (+855)23 21 79 21 Cellphone: (+855)17 84 65 85 / (+855)97 31 39 934 / (+855)16 555 462 www.lyheutravel.com lyheutravel@gmail.com

WHERE TO STAY OUR FAVOURITE DIGS KAMPOT Les Manguiers (The Mango Trees) Friendly and relaxing French-owned guesthouse 2km out of Kampot with a mix of families, expats and backpackers.

Call ahead if you’re coming from Phnom Penh on a Friday afternoon – Jean runs a minibus service every weekend for stressed-out expats. Rates range from about £6.50 for a double room with shared bathroom to £45 for a large wooden house with three rooms, each with private bathroom and balcony. Free access to kayaks and bikes.

See: mangokampot.com

Photos: Dmitry Gudkov, Lucy Jordan, Getty, Thinkstock

KEP Jasmine Valley Solar-powered, lush eco-retreat nestled under Kep National Park and serving home-grown produce. Lovely basic bungalows with hammocked balconies and friendly resident dogs. Rates from £14-£40.

See: jasminevalley.com

Rabbit Island: chill out on the beach

KOH KONG Rainbow Lodge Incredibly scenic eco-lodge, pictured above, perched on the edge of the Tatai river, with the rainforested Cardamom Mountains stretching behind. Free access to kayaks for puttering about on the river, and, Janet, the owner, can arrange trekking, boat trips and camping.

See: rainbowlodgecambodia.com 78

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NEXT WEEK The true Tanzania: Out from the shadow of Kili and Zanzibar

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ANZAC DEPARTURE 24 APRIL

Italian Adventure 3 DAYS (May-Sep)

FROM £189 STUDENTS FROM £179

Pompeii, Sorrento, Capri & Amalfi INCLUSIONS: 2 nights accommodation, entry to Pompeii and tour with local guide, orientation tour of Sorrento, boat trip to and around Capri, Limoncello and chocolate tasting

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7 DAYS (Apr-Sep)

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There are two ways to go: 1.Retox then Detox (Ibiza - Mallorca - Menorca) 2.Detox then Retox (Menorca - Mallorca - Ibiza) 8 DAYS (Jun-Sep)

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Scandi-Baltic Adventure There are two ways to go: 1.Vilnius to Tallin 2.Tallin to Vilnius 8 DAYS (Jun-Aug)

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POST

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Sail Turkey POST ANZAC DEPARTURE 28 APRIL

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FROM £295

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Fethiye, Kekova’s Sunken City, Oulodeniz, Blue Lagoon, Kas & Kalkan INCLUSIONS: 7 nights accommodation, breakfasts, lunches and dinners, afternoon tea and coffee, snorkels/ masks/flippers and fishing lines, board games, on board sound system

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More Adventures Available Online

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SUMMER FESTIVALS đƫ đƫ đƫ đƫ đƫ đƫ

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95

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GREEK

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* wasn’t your girlfriend, although I’d be happy to share you with her. I saw you at the traffic light party at Elk Bar without her on Thursday.

Let me know if you’re single or taken with the hottie. Lara, via my.tntmagazine.com To My darling Clementines: This is it ladies, our last days together before the Clem Crew abandons the Attlee hood. Thanks for all the bad TV watching, baked goods, copious amounts of wine

times, colourful birds, chocolate to devour, dreams to interpret, off-thewall feature ideas and talk of bodily fluids. We hope you managed to get through your cake – leaving all the rude bits of the picture – the best bits – for last. May there be good times and plenty of inspiration for you in the West Country. Weave us all into your book somehow. Much love, the TNT team.

Debs from Thirlmere: Thanks for the date. Our friends were right

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#469 Get a shot with Julia Gillard for Facebook – now K-Rudd is out of the mix

and for putting up with my sexual banter. May our next abode contain zero urine puddles in the lifts!

Fanny Clitfun. PS. Remember to never put socks in the microwave again! Steph, via tntmagazine.com.

To all female cyclists: You may not be aware but most of your leggings are see-through.

I love seeing a lacy thong when I’m pumping away behind you.

Not sure if you intend me to see it.

Purvey Peddler.

Farewell Frankie: The office is a somewhat less colourful place without you. You brought us good

on the money until about 9.30pm when you ducked off to the loo after our main meal and left me sitting at the table for 20 minutes.

I thought you’d done a runner on me, then you returned and the penny dropped: you’d gone for a poo. You were wriggling around early in the evening and I could hear some growling from under the table. Pooing on a first date? Not on dude. Don’t hold your breath for a call. James.

Seeking truth: We took the midnight train and ended up in, well ... not where I’d intended. Did

we? You left before I woke and now I can’t find you. Ash. Hip hip hooray: Happy birthday sweet pea passion plum, from all the way in Australia. I’d suggest getting loose at the Redback, but it’s not there! Ah well, the Walkie should do the trick. Find the husband you’re looking for and come back home. I miss you. Sarah.

Thanks for the memories: Docs and Jane, while it’s nice for our dossers to leave the odd legacy, a white crusty stain on the couch isn’t what we had in mind. You guys are both rank. The Mews Crew.

Rugby lover: To Derek in the England T-shirt who was at the Wandle pub in Earlsfield during the England v Wales rugby match. Too bad about the loss, but as far as I’m concerned, you won. Making a move on a Welch girl was bold, what with the patriotic fervour in the establishment. But hey, let’s do something for relations in the UK. You’ve got my number. BB Later Alligator: Dearest Juzz, the fashionista – with the everchanging hairstyles – from down under. We’ll miss your chirpy face in the office, mate, and inDesign pickles ... well, we’ll never find our way out of them. Make your last week a cracking one at TNT. Bon voyage and love from the team.

Stuntman: Happy birthday Jazza Blazza! Do the kids at school know how bad ass Mr Bourke gets when the celebration calls for it? It’s got to be time for the teacher to pull his tricks from the hat and show them! Go nuts, champion. I’m with you in Spirit. Clarkdog.

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

LONDON BRONCOS

CASTLEFORD TIGERS

KO: 3.00PM DATE: Saturday 10th March londonbroncosrl.com ADULTS: £15 CONCESSIONS: £10 KIDS: £5

114 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Photos: Getty

D-Stew: Have I got it right?

Waitangi Walkie fun times also = a late round of Coronas, a snowball ‘fight’ in the green, then a snowy stumble halfway home? Your restraint was impressive! Well, this tightness is always up for a dance, so maybe you will see it on the dancefloor sometime. The name isn’t Jaquie, but kinda close.

Disappearing drinking aid: I lost my beloved funnel (nek minnit) on the Waitangi Day pub crawl.

I am not 100 per cent sure exactly at what stage of the day it got lost, but I would like to get it back.

If anyone has it, please email at mark892@hotmail.com.

Cheers. Via my.tntmagazine.com Dear Barn Dogg: This is a message from your girlfriend. When you left me in New Zealand you gave me promises of commitment and celibacy. However, word has got back of your wicked ways. Since arriving in the UK two weeks ago I hear from one Loose Lips Burt that you have been out on the heen four times with a strike rate of 125 per cent. I told you that useless flap you excuse for genitalia was exclusively for my sugar walls.

If you don’t wrap it back in cotton wool I’ll be flying over with the Ginsu knife ASAP. With love, Trinni, via my.tntmagazine.com To the gorgeous Channing Tatumish man I saw at the Walkabout a few weeks ago: You have blond shaven hair and the cutest big ears I’ve ever seen!

You were with a beautiful girl, with shoulder length black hair and piercing blue eyes – I hope she

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