TNT Magazine / Issue 1501

June 4-10 2012 Issue 1501 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

£500 TAB AT ZOO BAR DU RING EURO 2012 GAMES

RETURN OF RIOT GIRLS How feminism is trending in London

CLASSY AFFAIRS This summer’s poshest parties

BALLS OUT ON A BUDGET Our top 5 places to strip off on holiday

S H G I H L A R NATU

in Peru e im t e f li a f the trip o n o s n e g o in halluc Surfing and + 48 HOURS IN INSTANBUL LATE DEALS BARGAIN RENTS TRAIN LIKE A CHEERLEADER

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Explore Europe this summer up to

25% off

Adventure tours

375

ŠContiki

8 days from ÂŁ

For the best prices on airfares, tours and holidays call us today on

0844 335 0635

www.flightcentre.co.uk

W Flight Centre confirms availability by searching based on the exact itinerary, cabin class & conditions as per the competitors quote. For full terms & conditions & the distinction between cabin class (first & economy) & booking class, see www.flightcentre.co.uk. Offer is subject to change at any time. Travel restrictions & conditions apply. Please ask us for further details. Prices & taxes are correct as of 30 May 12 & are subject to change without notice. Prices are return per person & are subject to limited availability. All flights depart London & include prepaid taxes & fuel charges. Seasonal surcharges may apply depending on date of travel.

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Back to reality after a four-day weekend? Check out our 21-page travel section and get a trip booked to quash those post-Jubilee blues. We go on a survival course in Devon (P64); have a top adventure in France (P74); get naked in five different destinations (P70); and take drugs in Peru (P80). For something to look forward to a little closer to home, check out P8 for the lowdown on the poshest festivals in London. Champagne anyone?

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

19

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22,25

COMPETITION

24

COMPETITION

30

CHATROOM JARRED CHRISTMAS

31

LONDON SCENE

52

32-33 34

FEATURES

LIFESTYLE

37-47

POSH PARTIES

SHOPPING

37

HEALTH & BEAUTY

38

SPARE TIME

Photos: Geety Cover: Jennifer Carr

12

8

We give you the lowdown on the classiest events in London this summer

CAREERS

40-41

WHAT A RIOT

LIVING

46-47

NEWS & SPORT

48-59

Female-fronted bands and feminist zines are making a comeback in the capital

TRAVEL

61-84

DIARY

62

NEWS

63

LATE DEALS

66

HOTSHOTS

69

TOP FIVE

70-71

TIPS & STUFF

72-73

48 HOURS IN... ISTANBUL

78-79

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

87-113 114

GIVE ME A ‘HELL YEAH!’

26

26

38

TNT learns a new routine with the London Broncos cheerleaders, the Cowgirls

MONARCHY IN THE UK

52

Is the Queen still relevant in 2012?

We examine both sides of the story

TIME FOR AN ADVENTURE

74

Get a taste of high-wire action in the picturesque town of Ardennes, France

QUITE THE TRIP

80

Get acquainted with world-class barrels and the hallucinogen ayahuasca in Peru

74 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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Circus and cabaret for the new millenia

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair | Marie Smith Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

Shhh... SECRET LONDON POSTCARDS FESTIVAL JACKSONS LANE

Featuring the best circus, cabaret and ‘extraordinary’ performance artists, this impressively diverse festival was born out of artistic director Adrian Berry’s frustration at not being able to showcase new works by fresh and established acts. “Last year’s festival was just the start – we began to find new ways of curating circus and contemporary cabaret,” Berry says. “This year we have come of age.” Highlights include Boom!, an acrobatic performance billed as ‘Circus meets Stomp’, and Crimson Skye’s straitjacket striptease. £10+

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

June 7-30. Times vary Fulham, SW6 3PR Highgate

LONDON GREEN FAIR

LONDON ON FILM

TRESOR BERLIN EXHIBITION

Reflecting on London’s green aspiration, this eco-friendly fair features live music and DJs; speakers and debates; exhibitions by those living the green life and market stalls; as well as organic bars and global cuisine stalls.

There’s also an electric bikefest, with more than 40 of the cycles to be test-ridden.

Film-fan Mark Kermode leads this cinematic history lesson on London’s portrayal on the silver screen – told through the scores from famous movies. Michael Caine’s The Ipcress File, the mods and rockers of Quadrophenia, and the Russian folk-inspired score for Eastern Promises feature.

The Berlin club Tresor, founded after the fall of the Wall, has gone on to cement its place in electronic music history, and is the focus of this multimedia exhibition.

It features documentary SubBerlin, including interviews with Detroit techno legend Juan Atkins, Sven Vath and more.

June 9 & 10. 12pm-7pm Regent’s Park, NW1 4NR Camden Town londongreenfair.org

June 11. 7.30pm Queen Elizabeth Hall, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

June 8-17. 12pm-8pm Red Gallery, EC2A 3DT Old Street redgallerylondon.com

FREE

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Masked mystery for charity

MIDSUMMER MASQUERADE CHARITY BALL The Honourable Artillery Company

This glamorous event gives 1000 revellers the chance to don their finest and party in one of London’s most swanky venues. Tickets include a drinks reception, a threecourse gourmet meal, entertainment and a free bar, and it’s all in support of two charities – the Christchurch Earthquake Recovery Fund and Changing Faces, which supports people with hands, face or body disfigurements. Nothing like getting slammed in the name of a good cause. £125

June 9. 6.30pm-12.30pm HAC Gardens, EC1 2BQ

Moorgate

midsummermasquerade.com

ANIME WEEKEND

ALTERNATIVE LONDON TOUR

Although Japanese animation has existed since the Sixties, ‘anime’ is still relatively new to the majority of Western audiences, something this festival aims to rectify.

Famed Studio Ghibli’s latest, Up On Poppy Hill, is the events highlight, along with the chance to acquaint yourself with genre-defining Eighties classic Akira.

Everyone’s gone mad for the monarchy, over-spent on Union Jack bunting and delived into stories of Queen and country – so now check out the other side of the capital. This east London tour takes you through Brick Lane and Shoreditch’s areas of creative cool, as well as showing all manner of funky street art.

June 8-10. Times vary BFI Southbank, W1T 1LN Waterloo bfi.org.uk

Tues-Thurs, 7pm.Tues & Sat, 12pm E1 6DT Liverpool Street alternativeldn.co.uk

£10+

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FREE

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LONDONNEWS TOWER BRIDGE TO LIGHT UP FOR GAMES

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Connected: commuters can go online

A London landmark is being transformed with the addition of a state-of-the-art lighting system.

Tower Bridge is undergoing the energyefficient makeover in time for the Olympic and Paralympic games.

A total of 18000 special LED lights have been fitted, along with 2000 metres of linear lights.

Mayor Boris Johnson said: “Tower Bridge is already a global icon and this much-loved landmark is now even more spectacular thanks to a world-class illumination system.”

It is the most important representation of a shisha pipe yet created Mayor Boris Johnson hits back after Twitter users abused his #askboris session – including Mike Hazlewood who asked him to “tear down the big red sculpture at the Olympic site”

TOP PRICE FOR GAMES BOOZE AND FOOD Spectators at the Olympics will be forced to pay over the odds to eat and drink at the stadium.

A pint of beer will cost more than £7 – double the national average – and fish and chips will be priced at £8.

Olympic organiser Locog chief executive Paul Deighton said: “We have gone to great lengths to find top-quality, tasty food that celebrates the best of Britain.”

ON THE TUBE

Wireless access on Tubes Commuters can browse the net while waiting at 82 stations Liverpool Street, Oxford Circus and Stratford are among the first stations to offer wifi access to Tube passengers.

Commuters will be able to browse the entire web for free from laptops, tablets and mobiles while waiting for trains.

Leicester Square and King’s Cross are also signing up to the initiative, which will be on offer at 82 stations from the end of next month.

By the start of 2013, another 40 stations are expected to be on board as part of London Underground’s deal with Virgin Media.

However, the wifi will only be free up until the end of the Paralympic Games in September, after which commuters will have to pay Virgin for access.

Jon James, executive director of

broadband at Virgin Media, said: “In partnership with TfL, we’ve been working around the clock to install and test wifi on London Underground and are about to connect some iconic and world-famous Tube stations with a wifi service London will be proud of.”

TfL has refused to reveal how much the contract with Richard Branson’s company is worth.

The original plan to allow passengers to surf the internet while travelling on trains was ruled out because of the cost of upgrading the lines.

Gareth Powell, LU’s director of strategy and service development, said: “We’re on track for a successful launch this summer – all delivered at no additional cost to fare or tax payers.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

CENTRAL: No service between Marble Arch and Bethnal Green all weekend.

NORTHERN: No service between Edgware and Hampstead. Rail replacement buses will operate.

WATERLOO & CITY: No service on Monday, Tuesday and Sunday.

Photos: Getty

6

Yes, it’s still going on – London continues to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. Monday night sees worldrenowned musicians take to the stage at Buckingham Palace for a one-off gig.

If you don’t have tickets, head to the area anyway to soak up the atmosphere – the likes of Paul McCartney, Tom Jones, Jessie J and Annie Lennox will be performing.

However, Tuesday is the day for fans of the Windsor family. There’s the royal procession, the horse-drawn coach, the guards on horseback, a thanksgiving service at St Paul’s Cathedral, and the royal wave from the palace balcony.

The four-day celebrations will finish off with a flypast and fireworks. Sorted.

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Spectacular: the Henley Festival

S

Posh festivals This summer’s music events aren’t all about slumming it. Here, TNT checks out some of London’s classiest affairs WORDS CAROL DRIVER Festivals are all about wallowing in mud and not showering for days.

But, if the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations and the run-up to the Olympics have got you in the mood for all things proper and British, there’s a wealth of posh events happening in the capital this summer.

Celebrating its 30th year, the Henley Festival in July promises to be a glamorous affair. It’s been billed by Vogue as one of the most unmissable events of the summer season, so ditch the wellies and style yourself with British lawn chic in mind. Don a cocktail dress or smart suit for this strictly black-tie, five-night party, which will be taking place on the affluent banks of the River Thames, set in the quintessentially English countryside.

Instead of soggy burger and chips from a van, guests can enjoy dinner by candlelight at Albert and Michel Roux’s riverside restaurant, or at one of the numerous pop-up bistros.

And don’t expect thrash metal or pumping tunes – remember, this is a sophisticated affair. Instead, more than 20 acts will be performing jazz, opera, pop, theatre and literature. Sting 8

will be opening the festival on July 4; Katherine Jenkins will be belting out opera on July 5; and Aussie funnyman Tim Minchin will be taking to the stage on July 6. Over the weekend, there will be an Eighties party vibe from Lulu on Saturday, and loveable rogue Olly Murs headlines the closing night.

On display will also be work by Adelaide-based visual artist Emma Hack, who created the stunning body art for the music video of Gotye’s Somebody That I Used To Know.

Hack, 39, says: “Guests can expect to see a visual delight of illusionist art.

It’s unique, original artwork that looks amazing lifesized. I’ll also be available to chat to guests about my work.”

Hack usually spends between eight and 15 hours painting her models into their background. Speaking of working on Gotye’s video, she adds: “It was exhausting, but completely satisfying – it took 23 hours to create and was the most difficult creation I have ever worked on!”

Another lavish affair taking place this summer is the Royal Hampton Court Festival. For a feast fit for a king, dine on celebrity chef-inspired

delights in the tranquil setting of a royal garden. Jamie Oliver is preparing picnics for the event, which is celebrating its 20th year, and boasts headliners such as Katie Melua, Liza Minnelli, Van Morrison and Jools Holland, as well as an impressive fireworks display.

The concerts are set in the grand open air Base Court of the historic building – so don’t forget your umbrella (chances are it will rain), although emergency ponchos are available to buy cheaply.

Melua, who has sold more than 11 million albums worldwide, says: “Although the concert is outdoors, performing in the courtyard does feel very intimate.

“In many ways you get the best of both worlds and you can really connect with the audience even though you are singing under the stars.”

MORE POSH FESTIVALS ›› Henley Festival. July 4-8. £35. Henley, RG9 1AH Henley-on-Thames henley-festival.co.uk Hampton Court. 14-24 June. £37.50+ Hampton East Molesey, Surrey KT8 9AU Court hamptoncourtpalacefestival.com

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FINAL 1501 London listings featu8 8

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Super smart: Ascot racegoers (P10)

Lording it up: at Henley

Regal setting: Hampton Court Palace Festival

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GOODWOOD FESTIVAL OF SPEED CHICHESTER

TASTE OF LONDON REGENT’S PARK Think you’re a bit of a BBQ whiz? Put your grilling skills to the test at Taste of London’s amateur barbecue competition.

There’s also a masterclass, so get ready to impress your friends this summer by learning how to prepare the ultimate meal with top tips from professional chefs (Sat, June 23). The four-day festival also boasts a Laurent-Perrier Tous les Sens champagne masterclass, a VIP lounge, and a secret garden with a cocktail bar. £24+

If you like your petrol with a side order of posh, this four-day festival is a must. Top F1 names such as Jenson Button (below) and Lewis Hamilton will be in action up the 1.16-mile hillclimb, joining a roll-call of motorsports stars from the world of Grand Prix, rallying and motorbikes. Wander the Supercar Run, which will showcase the latest models from Ferrari, Lamborghini, Lotus and Bugatti. Then chow down on burgers, sausages and pastries, or up the ante with a meal at Gordon restaurant for £32 a head – you’ll get there by tractor shuttle. £20+

June 28-July 1 Goodwood Estate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO18 0PX Chichester goodwood.co.uk

ROYAL ASCOT WINDSOR Ascot has tightened its dress code for the Royal Enclosure to avoid a “misunderstanding of what constitutes appropriate attire”. So, ladies, ditch the fascinators and mini-skirts, and dress to impress. To mark the Jubilee, the racecourse will be decked in 4km of bunting and 80,000 Union Flags will be handed to racegoers. Gold Cup Day is the third day of Royal Ascot, known as Ladies’ Day. £17+

June 19-23. Ladies’ Day, June 21 Ascot ascot.co.uk Berkshire, SL5 7JX

BBC PROMS 2012 KENSINGTON

CHAP OLYMPIAD CAMDEN

Nothing says pomp and circumstance quite like the Proms. Nod along (like you know what you’re doing) to music by Strauss, Ravel and Prokofiev at this quintessentially British event. Head to the Last Night Of The Proms for a celebration marking the end of the Olympics. It’ll be incredibly impressive.

Twirl your mustache and get ready for umbrella jousting, swooning, ironing board surfing, and not playing tennis at this Olympics with a twist. Billed as this year’s annual sporting occasion for the overdressed, the Chap Olympiad (right) will put trouser creasing skills and pipe-smoking techniques to the test. You’ll be judged on “maintenance of panache, perfectly knotted ties, stiff upper lips and acceptable levels of skullduggery”. Due to the popularity of last year’s event, organisers have spread the fun over two days. Make sure you dress to impress, as there’s a strict code. Don elegant finery, cricket whites, military, formal and dandy wear.

Sounds spiffing.

Proving ballet isn’t just for the old and stuffy, this event merges the English National Ballet with Britain’s Got Talent champs Flawless. If you liked Street Dance, you’ll love this combination of traditional meets modern, of frills meets edgy. Street dance is fused with acrobatics and ballet, with the lads from the group and ballerinas in tutus. Well worth a look.

July 7-8 Bedford Square, WC1B 3DP Goodge Street thechapolympiad.com

June 23-34 93 The Broadway, SW19 1QG Wimbledon ballet.org.uk

£20+

WIMBLEDON TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIPS WIMBLEDON Munch on cream and strawberries on Henman Hill if you get tickets to this year’s championships, which attracts the finest players from around the globe.

That’s if you get tickets. The public ballot is now closed, so you’ll have to buy on the day – get ready to start queuing (at Gate 3) early. £36+

June 25-July 8 Church Road, SW19 5AE Wimbledon wimbledon.com

10

June 21-24 Inner Circle, NW1 4NR Baker Street tastefestivals.com

July 27-Sept 8 Royal Albert Hall, SW7 2AP South Kensington bbc.co.uk/proms

2012 MOTOREXPO CANARY WHARF Check out the rare £1m Lamborghini Reventón as well as a host of other supercars and classic vehicles. Perfect for well-heeled petrolheads.

FREE

June 11-17 E14 5AA motorexpo.com Canary Wharf

£20+

AGAINST TIME WIMBLEDON £11+

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THE NOMAD QUEEN’S PARK Fancy some highclass fare as you sit al fresco in luxurious surroundings, watching your favourite movie? Then you’re in luck. Renowned restaurateurs Salt Yard Group are teaming up with roaming cinema The Nomad for pop-up events. Instead of sweaty nachos, choose from Ibérico burgers with manchego and guindilla; Ibérico hot dogs with romesco sauce, caramelized onions, guindilla and mustard alioli; or salt cod croquettes and courgette flowers with goat’s cheese and honey. Available at The Big Lebowski, The Goonies (below), and The Graduate.

MINT POLO IN THE PARK FULHAM

£8.50+

August 18, September 8 + 22 Queen’s Park, Harvist Road, NW6 6SG Queen’s Park whereisthenomad.com

Sip Pimm’s or Veuve Clicquot while watching daredevil stunt team The Devil’s Horsemen at this three-day, high-end polo tournament.

As well as on-pitch entertainment, there’s plenty going on off the field, with a champagne garden, a cocktail bar as well a Harrods Food Court. Ladies’ Day (below) falls on Sat, June 9, so make sure you’ve got your fascinator at the ready. £15+

KEW THE MUSIC RICHMOND You don’t have to be green-fingered to appreciate the plant life going on at Kew Gardens. But this summer, take in the flora and fauna while rocking to top tunes. As part of Kew The Music, concerts will be held over six days, with a line-up including Status Quo, Will Young and James Morrison. VIP your night by ordering a picnic hamper (£48 for two) or enjoy a BBQ in the Pavilion Restaurant. £35+

July 3-8 Kew, Surrey, TW9 3AB

Kew Gardens

LONDON FESTIVAL OF ARCHITECTURE LONDON WIDE Snoop around some of London’s most intriguing, usually out-of-bounds buildings, installations and pop-ups.

Explore inside theatres and playhouses; discuss connections between music, motion, architects and developers at a roller disco; or romp around the London Pleasure Gardens being built next to the Olympic venue at ExCel. There are also walks through London markets, a roof-top party and pineapple hunting (of course) with experimental foodies Bompas and Parr.

FREE+

June 23-July 3 Various lfa2012.org

kew.org

FILM4 SUMMER SCREEN STRAND

LONDON RESTAURANT FESTIVAL VARIOUS

Take in Somerset House’s 55 fountains in the courtyard during its summer of film.

From premieres including On The Road to classics such as The Birds, 15 top movies will be screened in August.

Fancy yourself a bit of a wine buff? Put your palette to the test at this vino competition.

Although it has run since 2004, this is the first time it’s open to the public. Get along to taste a selection of award-winning wines.

This huge event is geared around showcasing one of the things London does best – dining out. Go for a culinary journey around London on a bright red Routemaster, stopping off for a starter, main and dessert in three different restaurants. The Tapas Tour is back by popular demand allowing ticket holders the chance to experience traditional Spanish style tapas crawls across the city during the festival fortnight. Eat Film will also host a different culinary personality across three evenings to enjoy dinner and a film of their choice.

There are choices for all budgets, but treat yourself to something top-end for a real taste sensation.

June 27 20 Sumner Street, SE1 9JZ Southwark decanter.com

October 1-15 Various londonrestaurantfestival.com

£14.50+

August 16-27 WC2R 1LA Covent Garden somersethouse.org.uk

DECANTER WORLD AWARD WINES SOUTHWARK £20

June 8-10 Hurlingham Park, SW6 3DR Putney Bridge polointheparklondon.com

£10+

MASTERPIECE LONDON CHELSEA Oggle Damien Hirst paintings, huge diamonds, bespoke motorbikes and cars, firstedition Charles Dickens novels and Cartier jewellery at this event. Also on display are fine and decorative arts with premium collectors’ items, fine wines and exquisite jewellery from around the world. Get involved in the champagne tastings with Ruinart. £20+

June 28-July 4 South Grounds, Royal Hospital Chelsea, SW3 4SR Sloane Square masterpiecefair.com

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MYLONDON

London’s best-kept secret is the John Soane museum in Lincoln’s Inn – a crazy and magical place full of amazing oddities and antiquities....

When I want to chill out I go to Hollow Ponds in Snaresbrook, followed

by The Nag’s Head in Walthamstow Village.

The most interesting person I’ve met was [muscian] Poly Styrene. She was one of the first people I met in London. She was always interesting, encouraging and kind. There was a man who used to wander up and down Hornsey High Street wearing a cloak and a tame crow on his shoulder, too.

My favourite place for a drink is definitely The Nag’s Head, The French House in Soho, or The Palm Tree in Mile End – it has an amazing house band of old crooners who play standards and get everyone dancing along to Sinatra songs until the wee hours.

8 DAY Essential Egypt

9 DAY Jordan & Israel

Dep. 17 Jun 2012

Dep. 23 Jun 2012

WAS £415

WAS £975 NOW

What baffles me about London is Boris Johnson! Twice. London – really?

£350

Includes US$180 local payment

UP TO

20% OFF

£855

Includes US$280 local payment

20 DAY Egypt, Jordan & Israel Dep. 17 Jun 2012

WAS £1707 NOW

SINGER – THE MURDER BARN

NOW

CHESCA DOLECKA

EGYPT & MIDDLE EAST £1415

Includes US$345 local payment

When you’re hungover in London try a strong Bloody Mary and scrambled eggs in Broadway Market, followed by junk shopping in Columbia Road.

What gets me up in the morning? Coffee. Caffeine. Coffee. Loud rock ‘n’ roll music. Coffee. Caffeine. Coffee.

My perfect weekend would consist of a wander in Epping Forest, followed by lunch at Eat17, and then a drink at Nag’s Head. Sunday morning, Borough Market. Can’t beat it. Then home to cook and eat/ drink all the lovely things I’ve bought there. I also would say the Horniman Museum, looking at badly stuffed animals, followed by a louche picnic and sunbathing in Waterlow Park and dinner and drinks at The Flask, Highgate. The next day would be spent in [band creative space] The Murder Barn writing, recording and drinking afternoon beer with the band.

UK Golden Backpack

NER WIN vourite Fa M iddle Ea st Operator As voted by you!

The last naughty thing I did was making Ryan (guitarist) go and ask a gentleman in a car if he was our taxi to take us to a gig, when he actually turned out to be an irate Rupert Everett.

Five words that sum up London ... Magnificent, cruel, kind, unique, home. themurderbarn.com / Single America/Harvest is out June 11 12

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www.topdeck.travel/egypt/tnt L8291 / Y2992

Call 0845 257 5211

*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.63, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments.

Subject to availability.

1/6/12 14:32:39

What’s going on Down Under?

t u o d e ck e ch t e g ts n » pa ty ar sm a e B Free, friendly sexual health clinics, open to everyone.

Just make an appointment for a sexual health checkup, emergency contraception and free condoms and lube.

Mortimer Market Centre Central London off Tottenham Court Road, WC1E 6JB 020 3317 5100

Goodge St, Warren St & Euston Square

The Archway Centre North London 681-689 Holloway Road N19 5SE 020 3317 5252

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Archway

1/6/12 12:37:09

LONDONDRINKS

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RUBY’S BAR THE SCENE Dalston, as we’re all acutely aware, is teeming with trendy hangouts.

Joining the fray, but offering something pleasantly different, is basement bar Ruby’s.

Just short of Beyond Retro on Stoke Newington Road, its slightly perturbing red doorway is easily missed sat beside Ruby House, a creative location for music videos and photo shoots. Converted from a former Chinese takeaway kitchen, this relaxed place has taken that what-if-the-apocalypse-had-happened-in-1953 aesthetic to its beautiful zenith. The bar has been salvaged from a Mayfair pub, and the glazed brick walls hint at the room’s various previous occupants. The low ceiling, period light fittings and other thoughtful touches, such as various vintage beers mats, all add to the laidback intimate atmosphere.

THE GRUB Erm, there isn’t any, thankfully. Food wouldn’t suit this place. There are, however, plenty of Turkish restaurants nearby.

BEHIND THE BAR Beautifully constructed cocktails, served in inventive vessels. There’s also a good range of beer, featuring some from east London’s Redchurch Brewery.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails £8; wine £5 a glass, £15 a bottle; bottled beers £4.

VERDICT Places with such a succinct offering can be accused of being prescriptively pretentious, but that’d be unfair accusation of Ruby’s. This is a place for people who want to talk and drink. It’s everything a basement bar should be. OLI JONES

76 Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XB

facebook.com/rubysdalston

Dalston Kingsland

SQUARE PIE

3 OF THE BEST PASTIES

14

Here you’ll find a treasure trove of pastry lovin’ goodness. For a more traditional Brit hot snack, try the lamb and rosemary (£3.79) or give this month’s special, chilli con-carne, a go. squarepie.co.uk

BATTERSEA PIE STATION

THE MODERN PANTRY

It’s not just pies, as the name suggests. Tuck into delicious pasties, too, at this Covent Garden eatery and celebrate Cameron’s U-turn on the pasty tax.

These guys are forever changing their flavours so pasty-lovers never get bored. But with flavours like pork smoked paprika and fennel seed, how could you?

batterseapiestation.co.uk

themodernpantry.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Easy eating: Tibits

TAKING THE BISCUIT If you’re a secret snacker, you’ll love this foodie event. London’s first British Biscuit Festival is taking place between June 8-10, celebrating the tea-time institution. Take part in build-a-biscuit workshops, compete in dunking challenges, or munch on crunchy delights while having a cuppa in a frilly chair next to a photo of Queen Liz to mark the Jubilee. The event is taking place at The Brunswick Centre in Camden. Entry is free. facebook.com/thebrunswick

STEP BACK IN TIME A new Prohibition-style bar and restaurant is opening in south Kensington this Friday. Punters will discover Evans & Peel Detective Agency on Earls Court Road, behind a secret entrance. The only giveaway as to its location is a flickering light behind a glass window. The 1920s-themed venue will boast vintage cocktails – such as the Old Fashioned and Sazerac. The food menu is small-plate style with an American twist, including house-smoked meat sliders. evansandpeel.com

HOT STUFF, BABY Like your booze with a bit of a kick?

Then head to The Vibe Bar, which has created the world’s spiciest cocktail.

The £15.50 Brick Lane Burner (above) is nearly 677,000 Scoville Heat Units – 270 hotter than Tabasco sauce. It was created by mixologists, chemists and chilli horticulturalist. Brave drinkers will have to don goggles and sign a disclaimer before trying it. Vibe will also provide a complimentary Mango Lassi cooler for afterwards. Phew! vibe-bar.co.uk

TIBITS VEGETARIAN THE SCENE A casual but stylish two-floor venue that offers high-quality, buffet-style food. Munch outside on park benches, or inside on high tables with tall chairs.

There are deep-red square lights giving the interior a soft glow, as well as chic wallpaper providing a funky edge. Inside, it’s lively and busy, with a mix of diners looking for a quick bite, or those wanting to make a night of it. The food is on display in the centre of the room – replenished by staff as soon as stocks run low.

We simply help ourselves to whatever we fancy (everything is clearly labelled), our plates are then weighed at the bar where we buy drinks. The only danger is piling on too much, and having to pay the price afterwards.

THE GRUB I’ve brought along my meat-eating husband, who chomps his way through two of most things on offer. There are 35 homemade salads, a hot daily special as well as vegetable dishes and a bunch of dips and chutneys. The special – Indian Jalfrezi – boasts a tantalisingly delicious sauce, and is cooked with cauliflower, bell peppers, courgettes and beans. We also help ourselves to broccoli quiche, rustic celeriac salad, aubergine amaranth and a pile of cream cheese and pepper croquettes. A eclectic mix, but good food nevertheless. Full, but not quite beaten, we finish up with top-class passionfruit cheesecake, made with crème fraiche, digestive biscuits and walnuts, which definitely hits the spot.

You’ll find everything from hot ginger tea and fresh fruit juices, to cocktails, wines and organic ciders.

BILL PLEASE Create your own lunch for £2.10 per 100g; dinner for 2.30g per 100g.

Cocktails from £8; spirits from £2.70; wine from £4.10 a glass, £15.10 a bottle; beer from £4.20 a pint.

VERDICT A decent selection of delicious dishes on offer – you won’t go hungry. And you won’t miss the meat. Just don’t pile on too much. CAROL DRIVER BEHIND THE BAR

12-14 Heddon Street, W1B 4DA

tibits.co.uk

Piccadilly Circus

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From SA to South London: DJ Fresh

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LOUNGE ON THE FARM

DJ FRESH Gigalum, 7-8 Cavendish Place, SW4 9DW SUN, JUN 10 | DOORS AT 3PM | Free

Growing out of its ‘best festival in Kent’ tag to be one of the most enjoyable, small festies of the British summer, this eclectic bash features poptress Emeli Sandé (below), The Wombats and Britpop survivors The Charlatans as its headliners, with all sorts of fun scattered around its three days, including the inaugral Cookin Workshop, and Stefan Gates: Gastronaut bringing his food stunt shows to the farm.

Merton Farm, CT4 7BA. July 6-8. £115+ Canterbury East

Not many knob-twiddlers secretly harbour desires to change the world, but then DJ Fresh is, and always has been, slightly different to most other DJs. Beginning his career as a disco jockey in Botswana, the man formerly known as Thato Sikwane, was initially studying for a law degree when he found his calling behind the mic and turntables. As a radio DJ, he could instigate the conversation between black and white and bridge the gap between the two cultures’ music.

Climbing the ranks to his spot at South Africa’s 5FM with his FreshDrive show, a broadcasting institution, Fresh has made a name for himself as a purveyor of house music (20-plus albums and going), a broadcaster of unrivalled popularity (his show is one of the most listened to in SA) and a DJ who’s toured the world and shared stages with Armand Van Helden, Paul van Dyk, Fatboy Slim and Frankie Knuckles, and played in cities as far apart as Miami and Moscow.

“I feel I still have a way to go,” Fresh says, clearly finding his achievements so far doing nothing to dampen his drive to succeed. “If I could use the analogy of a truck with 10 gears, I’d only be in sixth gear now. I’m still building the foundations of my career – so much can still be done. I like to push myself, the boundaries, and people’s perceptions of the boundaries. I also hate loose ends, which means I probably will finish my law degree one day.”

So catch him on these shores while you can – he’s flying in alone especially for this gig – before he picks up the books again.

loungeonthefarm.co.uk

Clapham Common

FINAL 1501 Lon Sound.indd 20

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31/5/12 16:25:06

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NEW BAND

THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM GIG MON, JUNE 11. 7PM £17.50

The rawkus melding of Bruce Springsteen’s NJ storytelling and E Street charm with an energetic punk aesthetic, The Gaslight Anthem hit London ahead of the release of their fourth long player, Handwritten, and a string of summer festival shows, to show why rock ‘n’ roll was born in the USA. Fist-pumping, sing-along stuff.

Koko 1a Camden High Street, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

WHITE HEAT

HEROES

CLUB

CLUB

TUES, JUNE 12. 8PM-3AM £5+

SAT, JUNE 9. 10PM-10AM £10

Forget Thursday being the new Friday, or Sundays being the new Saturdays, it’s all about Tuesday nights here at this trash-tastic Soho haunt. If you’ve got the stamina to last the week, get down and enjoy the electro-techno-indie-alt classics on the turntables, courtesy of DJs Matty and Marcus at this ice-cool knockout.

This monthly night looks to challenge the accepted norms of clubbing, combining music with performance to make one hell of a party.

Reset Robot, Nick Tcherniak, Warboy, Inigo Surio and Jay Tempest headline the first room with the house, techno and dubstep battling on through till 10am.

Madame JoJos 8-19 Brewer Street, W1F 0SE Tottenham Court Road whiteheatmayfair.com

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AP King’s Cross egglondon.net

2:54

RED BULL TAKEOVER AT FOUND: DAEDELUS

BLINK 182

GIG

CLUB

GIG

THURS, JUNE 7. 7PM £10

FRI, JUNE 8. 10PM-6AM £8-£12

WEDS, JUNE 6. 7PM £29.50

Two girls, two guitars and a load of distortionand reverb-laden chords straight out of a Fender Strat circa 1993, draped in a flannel shirt somewhere near Seattle. These grungeinfluenced gals add melody to the tunes to sidestep those ‘Nineties revival’ catcalls, mining a territory between Tegan And Sara and Warpaint.

The LA-bred experimental hip-hop fella also known as Daedelus – and his backdrop of disconcerting reflecting mirror visuals – drops into south London’s Hidden for this night of envelope-pushing electronica. Dorian Concept, Cooly G and Braiden provide the support for what should be a banging evening

Beginning as as bunch of cock-joke and sexobsessed smut merchants, Blink 182 made a career out of scatalogical puerility. They then reinvented themselves with emo honesty and promptly disbanded. They’re back now, though, with new album Neighborhoods, to show why pop-punk ruled the Noughties.

Scala 275-277 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL King’s Cross scala-london.co.uk

Hidden 100 Tinworth Street, SE11 5EQ Vauxhall hiddenclub.co.uk

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

BEING THERE THE BUZZ SO FAR From debut-album opener Punch The Clock, Being There revel in the sort of blissed-out, harmonious-hook-laden, indie rock that’ll delight fans of the Jesus And Mary Chain, Death Cab For Cutie and Teenage Fanclub. This Manchesterbred five-piece are swathed in the freedom of youth, and the possibilities it once offered, with the sort of fuzzed-out, effervescent guitars that leave life ringing in your ears for days afterwards like a happy smile. Top, rejuvenating stuff.

THE CRITICS SAY “They’ve made quite a special debut album.” soundsxp.com THE PLUG Debut album Breaking Away out now through Young & Lost Club. They play The Lexington June 18. £6 N1 9JB Angel thelexington.co.uk

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 4 60 Years On The Throne DJs and guests supply party anthems and dance beats to celebrate the Jubilee. The Lock Tavern, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AJ (020 7482 7163). 8pm-late. Free.

Egg Presents The Japanese Popstars, Luigi Rocca and The Loops Of Fury spin funk, electro and house, with hosts Itch Records and Filth & Splendour. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-7am. £15.

BOOK NOW!

Avicii Official Aftershow Party Residents spin house, electro and techno. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). 11pm-late. £36.

Bigga Fish Tinchy Stryder, Stooshe, Roxxxan, A Dot, Lioness, Stylo G, Josh Osho, Yungen, Ard Adz and Sho Shallow supply hip-hop, R‘n’B and dubstep, with hosts BBC Radio 1Xtra. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 6pm-late. £15.

Deelooded Boy George, Jodie Harsh, Fat Tony and Tom Stephan spin house, techno and funk in the main room, while Matt Bogard and La Gosse play in room two, plus hosts Daniel Lismore, Barbie Miraj, Alex Palumbo, JJ Clark and Danny Boyce. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 11pm-6am. Adv £10.

Fabriclive DJ EZ provides house, techno and electro.

Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898).

10pm-6am. Adv £10 & £15.

The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee: Kisstory Royal Diamond Jubilee Celebration Justin Wilkes spins house, old-school classics and party anthems. The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). 10pm-late. £5.

Queen’s Jubilee Continues Resident DJs spin house, electro and hip-hop. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

The Royal Link Up General Levy, Kenny Ken, Serial Killaz and Black Twang spin jungle, drum ‘n’ bass, hip-hop and reggae. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

8pm-6am. £15, adv £8 & £10.

TUESDAY 5 Balearic Deep, vocal and Balearic house courtest of Amir Groove and Nick Tcherniak.

The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988).

10pm-3am. £5, guestlist free.

Jubilee Night DJ Geoff plays indie, electro and pop. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). 8pm-late. £6.

Stupid Tuesday Resident DJs provide funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

Tuesday DJ Hacks and Joe Compton supply dance beats and party tunes. The Roadhouse, The Piazza, Covent Garden Market, WC2E 8HB (020 7379 6132).

5.30pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus spin electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

22

EASTERN ELECTRICS Area 12, Greenwich Peninsula. Aug 4. £40 Get ready to rave. This electronic-music mash-up features the likes of Jamie Jones (above), Crazy P, Joy Orbison, and Amirali for a serious all-day party.

SE10 0BE

N Greenwich

WEDNESDAY 6 Cheapskates Old-school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50.

Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4, guestlist £3.

Deviation Session 53 DJs Syd Tha Kyd, Benji B and MC Judah spin garage, dubstep and electronica.

Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888).9pm-2am. £10.

Garage Nation Ez, Norris Da Boss Windross, DJ Luck And Mc Neat, Pied Piper, Fonti And Bushkin and Jason Kaye supply garage. Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 8463 3070). 10pm-late. £10.

Metrolatina DJs mix jazzy salsa with Cuban sounds. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277).

9.30pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Under The Counter Jazz, swing and vintage hits, plus burlesque and cabaret performances. Cellar Door, Zero Aldwych, WC2E 7EN (020 7240 8848). 9pm-late. Free.

Work Lee Harris, Niyi Maximus Crown and Big John Freeman spin house, pop, electro, R‘n’B, funk and dancehall. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

11pm-5am. £5, £4 before 1am.

THURSDAY 7 Bad Sex Phaze One, Mayton DJs, Fin Munro, Bear Cavalry and YouMe And The Moon spin indie, rock and disco. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-2.30am. £7, £5 before 10pm, NUS £5, guestlist £5 before 10pm, NUS free before 10pm.

easternelectricsfestival.com Electronique B@TV Showcase Official Afterparty Bubba, Raffa FL, Si Heslin and Deep’art spin house, electro and techno.

XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 10pm-late. Free.

Gravity DJs Alan K and Fat Tony spin electro, house and disco, with hosts Mauricio and Danny Boyce. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890).

2pm-late. £10, concs £5.

It’s Your Birthday Resident DJs spin pop, rock ‘n’ roll, disco, electro and hip-hop. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm, concs £3.

Nonclassical Presents DJs Gabriel Prokofiev and Richard Lannoy play electro and acoustic, with live performances from Lore Lixenberg, Jane Manning and Barb Jungr. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 7pm-late. £5.

Tripswitch DJs Hazard, Crissy Criss, Annix, DJ Profile and guests supply drum ‘n’ bass, house and dance grooves.

East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

9pm-2am. £6, £5 before midnight.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

FRIDAY 8 Alpha Launch Party DJs Pan, Syrum, Pola, Kraze, Loot and Jooks spin drum ‘n’ bass, dubstep and jungle, with MCs Bunnage, Nitro and Kand.

The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443).

10pm-late. £6, £4 before 11.30pm.

Deeper Disco Resident DJs spin house, disco and old school.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Fabriclive Andy C (DJ set), Loadstar & MC Texas, Culture Shock, Phace & Misanthrop, DJ Die, Bryan Gee, Hamilton, Mind Vortex, GQ, MC Justyce, IC3, MJ Cole, Artwork, DC Breaks, Brookes Brothers, Mensah, Basher, Kove, North Base, Dynamite MC, 2Shy, Bassline, Ulterior Motive, Chris SU, Fracture, Dose, Xtrah, Stealth, Ray Rampage, System, Fokus and K Eye spin house, electro and techno across three rooms.

Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-6am. £18, adv £17, adv £22 inc CD, £7 after 3am, NUS £10 before midnight, mems £13.

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Decibel 2012 London Radium, Al-Coree, Chris Liberator, DAVE The Drummer, Vandal, Jerome Hill, Mandidextrous, NEA NKS, Space-Face, Manarchy, MR Meatball, Lynch The Hangman, Aimless Audio, Chilla B, Scratch, Tomfoolery, Balistik, Sik-Head, Error and Matty-Kore spin techno, house and jungle, with MCs Syte and Lymbers, plus a live performance from Micropoint.

Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

10pm-6am. Adv £8 & £10.

Fabric Claude VonStroke, Justin Martin, Sascha Braemer, Craig Richards, Peverelist, Terry Francis and Thugfucker spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, adv £23 inc CD, £10 after 4am, NUS £12, mems £13.

The Gallery Sister Bliss, Sied Van Riel, Fabio XB, Gavyn Mytchel, Steve Richards, Small Paul, Frank Dickens, Weekend Millionaires and Illumination spin electro and trance. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

10.30pm-6am. £14, mems £11.

Heroes Format B, Reset Robot, Nick Tcherniak, Warboy, Inigo Surio, Jay Tempest, Raphael Mello, Geshe Ewing, Paul Unkel, Nightlife In London, Ronald, Bruno Balbino and Ilona International spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-10am. £15.

On The Real With Fatlip & Homeboy Sandman Fatlip (DJ set), Spin Doctor, Mr Thing and Chris P Cuts spin soul and hip-hop, with MC Prankster, and Homeboy Sandman performs live. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

10pm-3am. £10, adv £7.50.

Hip Hop Fest II 2012 DJs Peja, Slums Attack, Pezet & Malolat, Wdowa, Onar and Plomien’81 spin hip-hop, R‘n’B and rap.

The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000).

7pm-2am. £25, adv £21.

Onyx Lee Harris, Phil Marriott, JC Christopher and DouG’uim, Hoxton Whores, Soul Avengerz, Mikey D, Sharp Boys, Pagano, Tasty Tim, Jason Prince, James St James, Lady Lloyd, Dusty O, Ariel and Lisa German spin house, electro, techno and funk across three floors. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-5am. w/flyer £6, free before midnight.

Soca Frenzy Radio & PSV Event Presents DJs Shaker HD, Tyrone, Tate, Ratty, Toro, Flex, Frisko, Scooby, Cold Chizzle and Mr Migz spin reggae, hip-hop and world beats. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). 11pm-late. £8-£15.

Tik Tok Twitz DJ Phat and DJ Cva spin disco, dance and party anthems. Proud 2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (020 8463 3070).

9pm-5am. £15, adv £12.

XOYO Versus Presents DJs Fabio, Marcus Intalex, Break, Skeptical and Krakota spin electro and dubstep. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959).

10pm-late. Adv £6 & £8.

SATURDAY 9 Connected Darius Syrossian, WildKats, No Artificial Colours, Hot Since 82, Matt Rich, Jesse James & Johnny Bloomfield, Lawrence Daffurn, LJ Laurie, Ricky Torres, Jamie Hillier and Billy Dove spin electro and house. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. £20, adv £12 & £15.

Mellophonik The Portuguese DJ spins dance and tech-house.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Scandalism Presents Mylo, Tiger & Woods, Moonlight Matters, Yuksek, Cosmonauts, Face and Heel spin electro and house. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959).

10pm-late. Adv £12.50.

SUNDAY 10 Beyond Afterhours DJs Steve Pitron, Mikey D, Alan K, Sharp Boys, Gonzalo Rivas, Paul Heron, HiFi Sean, Paul Christian, Ariel and Fat Tony spin house, electro and techno across three floors.

Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 6pm-1am. Adv £12.

Horse Meat Disco Residents Jim Stanton, Luke Howard, James Hillard and Severino spin disco and house. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 8pm-3am. £6.

Later D’Johnny, Paul Martin, The Oli, The Sharp Boys and Jamie Head spin house music.

Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11.30pm-8pm. £6, w/flyer £5 before 1.30pm.

Pause Resident DJs spin house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10.

Sunday DJ Fresh supplies house and dance beats.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.

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It’s been converted into a fully decked-out state-of-the-art venue, and will host showcases from Boiler Room, Numbers vs Swamp81, Hyperdub, Bleep and World Unknown. With a top line-up and amazing venue, Bloc 2012 will be a festival experience like no other.

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MONDAY 4

SATURDAY 9 Jim Bob, Lupen Crook Londonbased pop-punk and electro singer-songwriter James Morrison, famously a member of Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

Avicii House from Swedish DJ and producer Tim Bergling.

The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £36.

Coldplay Chris Martin’s outfit performs pop-rock and indie in support of its album Mylo Xyloto.

Emirates Stadium, Drayton Park, N5 1BU (020 7704 4504). £55-£75.

The Dualers The Bromley-based outfit plays lively ska and reggae.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £15 & £20.

Crash Festival Featuring The Selecter, Spotlight Kid, Miss 600, The Experimental Pop Band, Jail, Ruff As Stone, Crashing Flowers and Mosse. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £12.

Hamed Nikpay World music from the San Francisco-based vocalist and multi-instrumentalist. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £20-£50.

HUnsane, Big Business The New York-based trio plays noise-rock in support of the album Wreck. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). Adv £13.50.

Wizkid Pop, ragga, R‘n’B and hip-hop from the Nigerian artist.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £25-£80.

TUESDAY 5 Bad Manners, Max Splodge, The Pukes, The Uplifters Buster Bloodvessel and company perform their ska hits. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). £25, adv £20.

Priceless London Wonderground: Shlomo: Ministry Of Mouth Beatboxing from the World Loopstation Champion. The London Wonderground Spiegeltent, Jubilee Gardens, off Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (0844 545 8282). £12.50 & £17.50, concs £11.

Tenacious D The comedy-rock and metal band, featuring actors Jack Black and Kyle Gass, perform songs from the album Rize Of The Fenix. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000/cc 0844 477 2000).

Also Wed & Thu. £35.

WEDNESDAY 6 A$AP Rocky Hip-hop from Harlem-born rapper Rakim Mayers.

Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £15.

Axe Wound, While She Sleeps Groove metal and metalcore combo, featuring members of Bullet For My Valentine and Cancer Bats. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

CJoss Stone Pop and soul singer from Devon known for the songs You Had Me and Fell In Love With A Boy. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (020 7957 8261). £25.

Devin Townsend Unplugged Acoustic rock from the former frontman of metal band Strapping Young Lad. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). Also Thu. Adv £17.50.

Wavves The Californian outfit plays lo-fi noise-pop, surf-punk and psych rock. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). Adv £12.50.

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THURSDAY 7 2:54 Alt rock from the Londonbased duo. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £10.

Alessi Brothers The American duo plays pop-rock. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £20 & £23.50.

Dirty Three Post-rock instrumental trio featuring Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds member Warren Ellis. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £17.50.

Mahala Rai Banda Gypsy and world music by the band. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £15, adv £12.50.

Priceless London Wonderground: The Tiger Lillies Experimental music with elements of gypsy jazz by the London-based outfit. The London Wonderground Spiegeltent, Jubilee Gardens, off Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200). Also Fri & Sat. £17.50 & £22.50, concs £16.

Rays Of Sunshine Children’s Charity A fundraiser for Rays Of Sunshine Children’s Charity featuring JLS, Pixie Lott, Conor Maynard, StooShe, Leona Lewis and Adam Lambert, plus Diversity and Spelbound. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £25-£100.

FRIDAY 8 Blink 182, All American Rejects, Twin Atlantic The San Diegobased trio plays pop-punk.

The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). Also Sat. £35.

The Charlatans The indie veterans mark the 15th anniversary of Tellin Stories by playing the album in its entirety. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £29.50.

The Grand Slambovians Folk-rock from the American collective. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £16.50.

Richard Hawley The Sheffieldbased singer-songwriter plays alternative pop and country from

his album Standing At The Sky’s Edge. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £20.

Wayne Hernandez The singer and music producer performs a fusion of soul, jazz and R‘n’B. Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £10-£35.

Keane The band from East Sussex known for the hits Somewhere Only We Know and Is It Any Wonder? performs its piano-led pop-rock. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000/ cc 0844 477 2000). £28.50.

The Maccabees Brighton-based indie-pop five-piece. Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY (020 8365 2121). Adv £20.

The Outcasts, The Phobics The Belfast-based band plays punk.

New Cross Inn, New Cross Rd, SE14 6AS (020 8692 1866). £12, adv £8.

Slim Chance Original members Steve Simpson and Charlie Hart from the 1970s band rejoin to perform folk-rock songs by frontman Ronnie Lane. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15.

Songlines Encounters Festival: Lauren Kinsella’s Thought-Fox With Soufian Saihi The awardwinning singer leads her jazz group in a collaboration with the Moroccan oud player.

Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

Songlines Encounters Festival: Madagascar All Stars, The Yiddish Twist Orchestra With Sam Lee The outfit plays world music. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £13.50-£24.50, adv £9.50.

The Telescopes, Nova Saints, The Lost Rivers, Honey Noise-rock from the London-based outfit.

The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). Adv £7.

SUNDAY 10 Tori Allen-Martin, Suzie McAdam, Miranda Wilford Pop-soul and R‘n’B by the London-based singer. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £10.

Ricardo Garcia’s Flamenco Flow The Spanish guitarist and his band play Flamenco jazz. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £15-£28.50.

Robin Grey, The McGowns, Robin Elliot, The Self Help Group, The Woodland Creatures Londonbased contemporary-folk singersongwriter. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). £3.

Hoodie Allen Hip-hop and pop from the New York-based singer and rapper. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £10.

Interstatic Psychedelic avantgarde experimentation and jazz from the Oslo-based trio.

The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8JH (020 7254 4097). £12, adv £10.

Redmond Sisters Jazz and comedy songs from the duo.

The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.

Tankcsapda The Debrecen and Budapest-based trio play hard rock. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010 /cc 020 7428 5929). Adv £25.

Maximo Park Alt rock from the North East-based five-piece.

Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £16.

Songlines Encounters Festival: Nick Hart The singer and multiinstrumentalist plays traditional folk from his native East Anglia. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). Free.

Songlines Encounters Festival: Sam Lee Traditional and contemporary folk from the London-based singer-songwriter.

Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

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Songlines Encounters Festival: Spiro, Le Vent Du Nord Traditional and contemporary folk by the Bristol-based band. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490) £13.50-£24.50, adv £9.50.

Cecilia Stalin The Swedish singersongwriter performs electrojazz and nu-soul in support of her album Step Like A Giant.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200 /cc 0844 875 0073). Free.

Steve Tilston Folk from the veteran singer-songwriter and guitarist. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £15.

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Return of the riot Across London, female-fronted bands and feminist zines are making a comeback. But is it the revival of Riot Grrrl?

WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

“’Feminist, dyke, whore,’ /I’m so pretty alien/ She wants me to go to the mall/ She wants me /to put the pretty, pretty lipstick on/ She wants me to be like her/ I want to kill her/ But I'm afraid it might kill me.” So sang Bikini Kill’s Kathleen Hanna in Alien She (1993) at the height of Riot Grrrl’s guitarbrandishing, underwear-exposing, female-fury-unleashing heyday. Like other female-fronted bands of the era – think Huggy Bear or Heavens To Betsy – Riot Grrrl’s brand of feminism was angry and outspoken, not filtered through marketing departments and, undeniably, cool.

Of course, feminism shouldn’t be about cool. Really, does any right-minded person not want women and men to have equal rights? But a common lament among those brave enough to label themselves 'feminists' today is that the word has off-putting connotations. Despite media-friendly movements such as the global Slutwalks that took place after a US policeman accused an assaulted woman of “asking for it“, feminism is often seen as dreary, man-hating and glamourless. For a while, though, Riot Grrrls changed that.

But wait! What is this we hear springing up in bars and music venues across London? The non-saccharine lyrics of bands such as Chasing Girls, Covergirl, Throwing Up, She Makes War, Hysterical Injury, Fear Of Men and Good Throb singing about life, love and being a woman in 2012. They’re feminists alright, but are they Riot Grrrls?

To understand the original scene that spawned the likes of Bikini Kill, you need to invoke the wider, punk-inspired DIY ethos of the Nineties. This was an era when zines emerged from bedrooms, bands shunned the record-label gloss of the Eighties and ‘outsider’ groups of artists like Beautiful Losers stuck their middle finger up at the elitism of galleries and collectors. From this, an honest, messy form of feminism arose that didn’t need anyone’s approval and encouraged women to write, draw or sing without waiting for the backing of the establishment.

And something similar is taking place again. In London, feminist collectives, Riot Grrrl-esque club nights, female artists, musicians and writers are once more making a noise about gender inequality, regardless of whether their work will be picked up by the mainstream.

Verity Flecknell, 29, who lives in Hackney, founded feminist collective Storm In A Teacup (joinourteaparty.org) in 2009. “It was a flash of inspiration over a pint in a dingy

Camden bar with [co-founder] Elizabeth Martin,” Flecknell says. “As musicians, Elizabeth and I both felt disillusioned with the mainstream music industry and the underground music scene, due to the lack of representation of alternative women.

“We noticed there were lots of female-centric art projects popping up around London and we wanted to create links and bring people together to create a scene.”

Since then, Storm In A Teacup has been involved in organising a zine workshop at Southbank’s Women Of The World Festival in March; helping found the VV Collective to promote women in art; and jointly organising a benefit night for jailed Russian punk band Pussy Riot. Flecknell also regularly DJs at events, flying the female flag ever higher.

Girls Get Busy, another east London-based feminist collective, run by 23-year-old Beth Siveyer, holds club nights (expect handmade stickers and transfer-tattoos), workshops (such as video-making and skateboarding) and exhibitions, and publishes a monthly zine (girlsgetbusyzine.tumblr.com).

Full of poems and drawings from unpaid contributors, the ››

Nice to meet you: Verity Flecknell TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: Pussy Riot: jailed in Russia; zines are everywhere; Girls Get Busy

28

of Pussy Riot, organised jointly by Not So Popular, Girls Get Busy and Storm In A Teacup, the audience is mixed. There’s a core of trendy 20-something girls in grungy jumpers, but there are also lots of guys and a contingent of less hip, older-generation feminists.

The bill includes speakers from the East London Fawcett Group, which traces its roots back to suffragette Millicent Fawcett in 1866, and a performance from Viv Albertine of The Slits. The return of Riot Grrrl-style feminism has not created a closed community. Bryony Beynon, 26, from

“

Some gross, lecherous men even turned up

”

Brixton, is web editor for Hollaback! (ldn.ihollaback.org), the campaign to end the street harassment of women. She also plays the guitar in female punk band, Good Throb. An outspoken feminist, contributing to songs such as Shit Wife Day, Beynon is wary about Good Throb being labelled latterday Riot Grrrls.

“The DIY idea that influenced the Riot Grrrl is a thread for many girl bands that continues today, but the movement was short-lived and the thousands of feminist punk bands active today take inspiration from a much wider pool,” she says.

“That is one thing that I think a lot of feminist punk musicians have learnt from the days of Riot Grrrl, which fell apart due to media distortions. People are a lot less naive now. The aesthetic might be popular, but those who actually take action to change things and create their own culture know that this isn’t important.”

So London’s zine-making, band-forming feminists have moved on from Riot Grrrl. The world in 2012 is not the same place it was in 1993. What the new scene has borrowed from its older Nineties sister is hipness and an ethos of Do It Yourself and, if that makes feminism more, well, cool, then that can’t be a bad thing, can it. ❚

Photos: Ellie Green, Getty

zine’s content varies in its brilliance, but that is part of the charm. This is DIY culture; anyone can have a go.

Against this supportive backdrop, feminist, girl-fronted bands are making a comeback. Siveyer is a member of instrument-swapping post-punk band Chasing Girls.

“We’re a self-consciously feminist, queer-positive band,” she says. “I hope we inspire other girls.”

Before Chasing Girls had played their first gig, the band had amassed a following through the network of artists who are part of the grassroots feminist scene.

A common thread amoung this wave of London’s feminists is a desire to engage with the movement on their own terms. “Sometimes when I meet what I call ‘senior feminists’ I feel like I’m being tested,” Siveyer says.

“I feel as if I have to give validation that I’m really a feminist. For me, feminism is just about believing in ourselves and being able to do what we want.”

Flecknell agrees. “I think for some people it can be quite intimidating getting involved with feminism. I still feel like I don’t know enough facts or enough feminist history. I think finding other ways of getting women involved in feminism, like through arts events, shows we can all explore feminism in our own way.”

But between the lack of tough political stance and the high proportion of hipness in the scene, isn’t there something a bit suspiciously trendy about this seeming return to Riot Grrrl?

“I recently moved the Girls Get Busy events from Alibi to the Shacklewell Arms in Dalston, because I was worried people were just coming along to be seen,” Siveyer agrees.

“We even got some gross, lecherous men turning up.”

Over the last year, there has been a resurgence of Nineties music and fashion but, perhaps this trend goes deeper than the DMs and dip-dyed hair.

"I think the whole DIY attitude to arts and activism has made a real comeback, buoyed by the internet improving the way we all share and communicate,” Flecknell says. “People are turning away from capitalist, consumer culture and are looking into their backyard to feel a sense of belonging.”

In Dalston’s Shacklewell Arms, at the recent benefit in aid TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Jarred Christmas The NZ stand-up on Transformers, bitching too much and why Brits don’t give a shit about accents INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

What’s new show Let’s Go Mofo! about?

It’s all about great attitudes that I don’t have – noble, heroic attitudes my granddad had during WWII – and me trying to figure out if I’ve ever done anything heroic in my life.

I have, but I bitched about it afterwards. It’s also a celebration of those great attitudes and my realistion I don’t really live up to what I want myself to be. I am trying to suck it up a bit more.

Microphone ties: never really caught on

What was your most heroic moment?

One night when my wife and I were walking home, she had on a painful pair of high heels so I took my shoes off and gave her my socks!

And complained the whole way home.

Do people moan more these days?

If you compared all the Facebook updates, the negative would outweigh the positive. If you wrote, “I’m having a great day” most people would say: “So why don’t you fuck off!”

Is it a generational thing?

It’s what you had to put up with in life. My granddad had no idea about a Kindle, so he never got frustrated when the battery went flat – the golden years of uncomplicated shit.

What pisses you off the most?

When I fly home and I’m not happy with the movie selection, I don’t want to watch Avatar on a tiny screen. But then when my grandparents came over here they had to spend seven weeks on a boat!

How did you get into stand-up?

I was going to be an actor, but my way of getting that was to be walking down the street and have someone come up to me and say: “Hey, I need a guy with sideburns and glasses – do you want to be in my film?”

Was stand-up an easier option?

It’s proactive, you can write your own material and book your own gigs. I applied to the New Zealand drama school, but I didn’t get in. At the same time as getting that rejection letter, though, I got my first paid stand-up gig. It was five minutes for $10 (£5) – I thought: “That’s an incredible amount of money – I can’t wait until I do an hour.”

You have done some acting since though, haven’t you?

I still love to do it. I did a sitcom over here in 2009 called The Persuasionists for the BBC, and it tanked! I played an Australian, cashing in on the fact that no one over here cares about our accent being different. We think they’re ignorant, but they just don’t give a shit.

So how did your first show go?

It was at Rhys Darby’s open-mic comedy night, The Green Room, in Christchurch. He said: “Do you want to come along and do your best five mins” and I said: “I’ve only got five mins.” He said: “OK, do that! But do it better.“ What was it about?

If you put a propeller up your arse, bent over and put your arms out, would you fly?

Why’s your comedy less surreal now?

When I started at 18, I had nothing to talk about, I hadn’t lived. It was only when I moved over here, and had life experiences, I realised I didn’t need to go into that surreal stuff. I had this routine about fighting a black widow spider in my room. I had sex with a girl, my first one-night stand and, being naïve, afterwards I thought: “We are going to have a relationship now.”

She was like: “No, I am probably never going to see you again.” So in the routine she turned in

to a black widow spider and I had to escape to Narnia through my back door.

You did Celebrity Mastermind – what was your specialist subject?

Transformers, I got 12 right. My best moment was the host [John Humphrys] had to ask me things such as “in the episode when the Insecticons team up with the Decepticons when they’ve run out of Energon – where do the Decepticons take them to top up?” He was reading this gobbledygook like it actually meant something.

You got into trouble over comments you made on Big Brother’s Little Brother…

I was fairly critical of Big Brother in my standup: it just fed this vacuous system of minor celebrities. The producer thought the show was getting a bit sycophantic, so they asked me to go on and tear into people. This housemate came out and I asked: “How are you feeling?” He said: “Disappointed, I am in shock.” I said: “You want another shock? Michael Jackson is dead!” The day after that, I was walking through Leicester Square and this guy came up to me and said: “You’re a cunt!”

Jarred Christmas Let’s Go Mofo! at Leicester Square Theatre June 7 & July 8. 9pm. £10 WC2H 7BX leicestersquaretheatre.com Leicester Square

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LONDONSCENE

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‘Holy shit, is that a xenomorph?’

PROMETHEUS FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender | 15 | 124mins

IL MANORS FILM STARRING: Riz Ahmed, Nathalie Press | 18 | 110mins

Plan B, aka Ben Drew, makes his writing/ directing debut with this multi-stranded tale that tells the story of eight characters in London’s East End over the course of seven days as they struggle to survive on the streets.

It comes from a long line of gritty, Brit cinema, and the pressure’s on Drew to deliver. Drawing on his own life for the script, we expect he will.

On general release from June 6

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Ridley Scott’s return to sci-fi, and to the Alien story, is hotly anticipated: the filmmaker back in the genre he helped define with a reboot of the franchise pilloried for its Alien vs Predator mashups. Expectation’s tough to meet, though.

Prometheus offers a prequel story, of sorts, focusing on the ‘space jockey’ briefly glimpsed in Scott’s 1979 sci-fi shocker – who is he? where did he come from? – and the origins of the famous screen critter. A group of scientists (including Rapace’s Ripley-like believer and Michael Fassbender’s android, David) venture into space searching for a race detailed in cave painting ‘maps’ all over earth. It’s a ‘mankind meets its maker’ tale, with our origins tied up in this ‘engineer’ from beyond the stars. But in Lost writer Damon Lindelof’s hands Prometheus poses many questions, but offers precious little in reponse.

Scott’s world-building skills are in fine form and the production design is sterling – the Prometheus ship’s a hi-tech future vision Steve Jobs would be proud of, and the ‘temple’ where they seek their answers a Geiger-infused procession of icky nightmares. Yet there is too little tension to cause distress as the science trip goes wrong (those looking for monster-mayhem are underserved as Scott intentionally shies away from creature-thrills, save for a few CG-d sequences) and the crew are but B-movie cliches, with only Fassbender’s creeped-out David of note.

While it’s a sumptuous, serviceable blockbuster on an epic scale, ultimately Prometheus lacks the conviction to support its chin-stroking ambitions.

GOOD FOR: Alien fans bereft after the video-game mugging of the Alien vs Predator movies

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GIVE US A

SEAN LOCK: WORK IN PROGRESS

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

You’ll recognise him from Eight Out Of Ten Cats and other TV panel shows, but this south London stand-up is in a class of his own. Well-observed routines drawn from the minutiae of our daily lives, and a tendency to push things towards the squirm-inducing, he’s warming up here for his forthcoming UK tour.

Pleasance Theatre North Road, N7 9EF. June 9 & 18. £5+ Caledonian Road pleasance.co.uk

Ha ha!

SONG DONG: WASTE NOT

A FANTASTIC FEAR OF EVERYTHING

EXHIBITION

FILM

Ten thousand objects hoarded over five decades

by Beijing artist Song Dong’s late mother make up this extraordinary exhibition, which infuses articles from ordinary life – shoes, toothpaste tubes, sheets – with the cultural, social and political passages of China’s history. Captivating and unique.

Simon Pegg goes back to his UK indie roots in this quirky comedy about an author researching a book on Victorian serial killers who becomes paralysed by a fear of, well, you can guess what from the title. The debut by filmmaker Crispian ‘used to sing in Kula Shaker’ Mills, this is a quirky delight that will please Pegg fans, as well as those seeking something with a curiously British sense of humour.

Barbican Centre EC2Y 8DS. Until June 12. Free Barbican barbican.org.uk

On general release from June 8

SARA PASCOE What’s the show about? My life – mainly early-days stuff, such as how my parents divorced, running away to meet Robbie Williams and how I invented Revels.

Where was your first gig? At The Bedford in Balham. I drank two large glasses of wine for confidence and did a five-minute set about how High School Musical wasn’t representative of secondary school. The audience were smiley, and I went home thinking, “I want to do more of this job where you get to drink”.

Photos: Getty; Manuel Harlan

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen? A beetle flew into my mum’s hair on holiday. She was drunk and thought it was a hair clip someone had given her. She held it and asked whose it was and then it wriggled and she freaked out.

CANTINA

CHARIOTS OF FIRE

THEATRE

THEATRE

Slutty, sexy, sadistic – this Aussie import (first presented at the 2010 Brisbane Festival) isn’t for the faint-hearted. In a polished combination of dance and acrobatics, the performers in this circus-cum-vaudeville show put their bodies through the sort of torture that would make most of us run screaming. Top stuff. LK

Artistic director Edward Hall is behind this inspired production of Mike Bartlett’s stage adaptation of the award-winning 1981 film.

From the moment Vangelis’s iconic music floods the auditorium (brilliantly converted into a ministadium), this tale of British athletes’ quest for gold at the 1924 Olympics is a winner. LK

Priceless London Wonderground Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX. Until Sept 30. £15+ Waterloo cantinalondon.com

Hampstead Theatre NW3 3EU. Until June 16. £22-£29 Swiss Cottage hampsteadtheatre.com

If you could get a role in any movie... I would like to do proper fighting scenes and get one of those jobs that you have to work out for, like Scott Pilgrim vs The World.

Always Be Comedy Summer Festival Tommyfield, SE11 4EZ. June 16 & 17 (Pascoe plays Sun, June 17 ) £5+ Kennington

alwaysbecomedy.com

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SPARETIME

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The Ratchet & Clank Trilogy: Classics HD

CD

PS3

The soundtrack to Ben Drew’s directorial debut, set on the unforgiving streets of London. £11.95 zavvi.com

Two Playstation heroes relive their first three adventures. £27.90 hitari.co.uk

The Sims 3: Katy Perry’s Sweet Treats

Maximo Park: The National Health

PC DVD

A showcase of furniture, fashion and hairstyles inspired by the singer. £22.17

CD

The Sunderland band tackle some of Britain’s social ills. £8.99 play.com

tescoentertainment.com

Adam Thorpe: Flight

The Silver Goat Movie iPad app

eBook

A literary thriller about a paranoid ‘freight’ dog. £0.99 play.google.com

A psychological romance film, claimed to be the first exclusively shot for iPad. £2.49 itunes.apple.com

Dr Steve Peters: The Chimp Paradox

Tent Finder App

Book

Log in your tent’s location, and this’ll get you there. £0.59

Looking for happiness?

Try this advice. £7.99 waterstones.com

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Aqua iPhone waterproof case

Coriolanus DVD

Gadget

Ralph Fiennes and Gerard Butler star in this war drama, set in imperial Rome. £12.99 base.com

Take your iPhone swimming with you. £16.99

W.E.

Darth Vader alarm clock

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DVD

Gadget

Abbie Cornish comes under the directorship of Madonna in this film of love. £9.97 amazon.co.uk

It’s about time for the force to be with you. £24.99 firebox.com

App of the Week Re:route iPhone app

Collect points to spend at places such as M&S and Champneys in exchange for making journeys in London on foot or on bicycle.

Free recyclebank.com

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TNT GOLDEN BACKPACK AWARD winner - Voted by you the TNT reader TNT_1501_edit.indd 35

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LIFESTYLESHOPPING

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Aztec leggings Team with a crop top for a hot hipster look.

Men’s shorts Time to get the legs out, gentlemen.

Contrast dress A summer frock that will keep you looking fresh.

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MARKETWATCH BIGGEST JEWELLERY MARKET When the sun goes down, you’ve got to look elsewhere for a bit of dazzle. So it’s lucky for lovers of bling that all the glittering goods you could ever wish for can be found under one roof at London’s biggest jewellery market in Greenwich. There will be more than 100 stalls to browse, peddling everything from vintage to contemporary items from some the capital’s freshest designers. The Glittering Greenwich Pop-Up Shop also features sparkles from winners of a design competition.

Additionally, there’ll be live beats and a bar, so you can sip on a cocktail or two while admiring your purchases. Who says you can’t buy jewellery under the influence of a martini? The venue will also be decked out with giant tiaras made by local designers. The whole shebang is well worth a look, even if you don’t intend to buy (but end up doing so anyway. Oops!).

Minty cool

Pencil pocket T-shirt Get sartorially loaded up with lead. topman.com

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OPEN June 15, 11am-7.30pm shopgreenwich.co.uk College Approach, SE10 9HZ Greenwich

Men’s chinos Team with a light-coloured t-shirt for seasonal styling. next.co.uk

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

CARDIO TENNIS This tennis is not for soaking up the sun, but rather sweating off the pounds. Tennis-based drills are used in a hardcore workout with up-tempo music blaring on the tennis court to create an energetic ambience.

Affectionately called the ‘Zumba’ of tennis, Cardio Tennis is definitely high energy. A woman can burn up to 500 calories and a man up to 700 during a session.

And you don’t need to be a tennis aficionado, the goal of each class is to burn calories, keep up the heart rate and have fun.

Whether the ball goes in or out of the court is completly irrelevant.

Each session takes place on a court with a qualified coach and includes a warm-up, cardio workout, and cool down phase.

There are exercises for all levels.

Participants are advised to wear heart-rate monitors to see if they are working hard enough (or too hard). The monitors are also useful for counting calories to reach your optimal fitness level.

Groupon packages are available for Cardio Tennis sessions through All Star Coaching.

Cardio Tennis is located at venues including Archbishops Park, Chelsea and Lincolns Inn.

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Give me a ‘hell yeah!’

Yeehaw! With a passion for pom-poms, TNT goes cheerleading with the London Bronco’s Cowgirls WORDS RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

Think of cheerleading and what springs to mind? Usually it’s girls jumping up and down wearing tiny skirts, shaking pompoms with perfect smiles on their faces – reminiscent of the film Bring It On. Originally an American pastime for women during their college years, cheerleading has now grown into a worldwide phenomenon with the UK and Australia joining in on the sideline fun.

To understand what it takes to be a cheerleader, I’m training with the London Bronco’s Cowgirls at Christ’s School in North Sheen near Richmond. And as I’ll be performing at the rugby league team’s next game, the pressure is on.

Even though I’ve been dancing for years, at my first session with the Cowgirls, I’m nervous about what I’m about to be put through for the next 90 minutes.

When I was younger, I was a majorette

and now I train weekly in a Lindy Hop troupe, but I’m well aware that cheerleading will take me out of my comfort zone.

I’m met by Amy Howard, dance officer for the London Broncos Rugby League Foundation, who reassures me the routine I will be learning is one of their easier ones.

And when I walk into the training room, my preconceptions about cheerleaders are blown out of the window. The Cowgirls are a mixture of student and professional dancers, volunteering their time to support the London Broncos and build up their performing experience.

Jodie Munday, 21, from Kingston, tells me that cheerleading gives her another avenue to express herself physically, one where she can relax a little.

“Training is really laidback as we meet once a week and do a new routine every two weeks,” she explains.

All over London allplaytennis.com

The Cowgirls rehearse 38

[Caption] The writer (far right) joins the team

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WHAT’S NEW

Nourish face moisturiser With orange and mandarin £13.95 nourishskinrange.com

Go the girls: the Cowgirls entertain the crowd And I’m extraordinarily thankful to choreographer Ellen Curtis, 22, who shows a lot of patience as she walks me through the routine, danced to LMFAO’s Sorry For Party Rocking.

The style of dancing is a combination of hip hop and traditional cheerleader moves, such as the toe-touch jump that I am still to master without falling to the floor in a tangled heap. By the end of the session I’m exhausted and aching, but also pretty satified with my efforts.

Another Cowgirl, Kelsey Lashmar, 20, from Kingston, tells me to focus on how toned I’ll be getting. “Cheerleading is a really good exercise as you don’t realise you are working out,” she says. “It’s better than going to the gym.” Too true!

Even though I dance regularly, I have never had to learn a whole routine in one go before – and I’m nervous about my performance at the game on Saturday.

The prospect of getting a move wrong or turning the wrong way gives me the shivers,

See Ruth perform with the Cowgirls when the London Broncos play Widnes Vikings Saturday, June 9. 3pm. Twickenham Stoop Stadium, TW2 7SX. Tickets available from £15. londonbroncosrl.com

so I’m practising hard at home (much to my boyfriend’s amusement).

By my second training session, I manage to get most of the routine sussed – then Amy brings out the pompoms and I turn into a kid. It was one my dream to be a cheerleader, and here I am keeping up (almost) with the Cowgirls.

I’m also quite relieved when I receive my costume. Here I was thinking it would be teeny-tiny but thankfully it’s a black pair of leggings and a blue checked shirt, topped off with a black cowboy hat. Yeehaw!

I’m all set and ready NEXT WEEK to go. In the immortal Get involved in words of Kirsten Dunst: grassroots sport “ring it on!”.

Paul Smith Sunshine for him It’s a smell for the season £24.99 thefragranceshop.com

Champneys Refreshing hand wash Nourish your mits £6.00 champneys.com

Photos: TNT

TOP TREATMENT: THE COUNTESS OF GLOW It might be all about the Queen this week, but there’s no reason why you can’t dabble in the luxury of aristocracy, too. Do this at Elemis, which is celebrating its British heritage with a selection of Royal Treatment packages, including deliciously-titled Countess of Glow – a 45-minute treat that includes a skin booster facial and manicure. It’s available until June 10.

Bring a friend and get a glass of bubbly, plus a gift for your troubles. £50

Sheer luxury

2 Lancashire Court, W1S 1EX

elemis.com

Bond Street

Aqua Impact shower gel New for men, from Dove £2.65 champneys.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Johannesburg: wealth in the form of wages and weather

Modern-day gold rush South Africa’s thriving epicentre, Johannesburg, is booming in the face of global financial instability WORDS REBECCA KENT Not only is Johannesburg the beating heart of South Africa, it is the foremost financial centre on the African continent. Its economy is strong, seemingly immune from global economic woes, and the city is blessed with possibly the greatest weather in the world. TNT explores what it’s like to live and work in a city known as Egoli, the Place of Gold.

One of a kind An intriguing life experience awaits anyone moving to Jo’burg. The former stage upon which much of the country’s tumultous history played out, it is a frenetic and cosmopolitan place, buzzing with erratic minibus taxis, and modest markets and mega malls alike.

Much of the city is clad by high walls 40

and heavy gates, but beyond them you’ll find great restaurants, bars and clubs – particularly in Orange Grove or Melville – world-class sports facilities, and, most prominently, shopping.

The trendy Sandton City competes with Rosebank Rooftop Market, Northgate and Fourways Mall for shoppers’ bucks. Alternatively, Bruma Flea Market is ideal for African souveniers to deck out your home.

Animals on your doorstep As well as its friendly locals, one of Johannesburg’s biggest attractions is its location. Swaziland, Lesotho, Durban, Botswana, Kruger Park, Mozambique and Zimbabwe are all extremely close by.

“Forget the zoo,” says Michael Fraser,

associate director of Robert Walters in Johannesburg (robertwalters.co.za).

“You can see the big five in a safari, a two-hour drive away.”

However, in the city itself, there are ample parks, lakes and rivers, perfect for an unwind. And you can’t beat a braai, a South African barbecue.

Home is where the heart is After living in London for three years, with her boyfriend, South African Lauren Hatting, 31, initially struggled with the decision to return to Johannesburg, but her worries proved unfounded.

“Being able to see my parents whenever I wish has made the move back and sacrifice of travel and earning pounds completely worth it,” she says.

“We’re much happier being able to

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ON THE JOB CASSANDRA STAVROU CAREER Founder of Propercorn AGE 28 LIVES Clapton FROM London

Skilled tradies are needed enjoy a lifestyle that involves a little more sun, space, fresh air and lots of outdoor living.”

Hatting, who works in HR, is quick to point out the country’s relaxed, friendly nature.

“It’s hugely apparent in everything, everywhere, and soon you settle back into life the way you always knew it.”

Photos: Thinkstock

Finding work

Safari: A two-hour drive away WHERE TO LIVE Buccleuch: a jewel of a suburb in the swanky financial district of Sandton, with leafy streets and bordered by two rivers.

Randburg: an upmarket suburb full of great parks, but still an affordable area to set up home.

Melville: a trendy, bohemian suburb west of the city, dotted with cafes and containing the exquisite Melville Koppies Nature Reserve.

Norwood: a pretty, tree-lined area crammed with ethnic restaurants, due to its multicultural inhabitants.

Parkhurst: an eclectic part of town centred around 4th Avenue, full of resturants, bars and shops.

A side effect of the relatively recent aparthied era is a positive discrimination known as ‘Employment Equity’, with priority candidates for jobs being the previously disadvantaged.

But an exodus of a large chunk of South Africa’s workforce means there are skills deficits in the engineering, ICT and education sectors. Public sector senior managers, plus medical staff and skilled tradesmen are also sought after.

“Smaller companies are not under the same employment pressures as large organisations, so it can be easier to get work with them,” Fraser says.

In Jo’burg, the pay is good, and you can earn almost the equivalent in rand as what you would in British pounds, in

a comparable position.

So, a chartered accountant might earn R400,000 (£30,363).

If you have a highly sought-after skills, think about multiplying your London wage 10-12 times. A high school teacher can earn R481,000 (£36,405); a graphic artist R320,000 (£24,228); a human resources manager R550,000 (£41,721); and an executive assistant, R360,000 (£27,360).

Visas and permits

If you’re interested in emigrating to Johannesburg, you’ll need a General Skills permit to apply for a specific job; a Quota work permit if you meet the ‘scarce skills’ criteria; or an Exceptional Skills permit if you’re an expert in a given discipline. Arrange your visa before you arrive as it’s easier to sort out at a Western consulate.

Careerjunction.co.za and pnet.co.za are handy tools for NEXT WEEK job hunters and, as always, Working as a teacher networking once there will help.

How did you get into your line of work?

I have always had an entrepreneurial appetite and wanted to create something. I had no idea back then it would be popcorn. I was responding to the fact that often food that is deemed ‘good for you’ is presented in boring, sterile packaging, or lacks flavour. I’ve given Propercorn some proper thought.

What do you do day-to-day?

Anything from experimenting with new recipes, designing a website, speaking to potential shops, marketing plans, sampling, budgets and unloading vans.

What’s the best part of your job?

Seeing results everyday, from the first account with Google to getting a listing in Waitrose.

What’s the most challenging part?

I’ve never done anything like this before so the whole thing is a learning curve.

HOW TO...CHECK YOUR VIRTUAL APPEARANCE Check yourself out online before prospective employers do

• Ensure photos on your social networking profiles look professional and show you at your best.

• Get a Google search alert set

up for your name and, if you’ve got one, your company’s name so you know what’s floating around cyberspace about you.

• When was the last time you

updated your LinkedIn profile?

If it’s dusty, refresh it so it’s reassuringly complete.

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Don’t leave your loved one behind..... ship her back it’s cheaper and easier than you think!!

Complete a free online assessment www.sa-cia.com for some sound advice.

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A Once In A Lifetime Opportunity The TWO earthquakes (September 2010 - February 2011) in Christchurch, New Zealand have destroyed the inner city and caused catastrophic damage in surrounding suburbs.

The COST of rebuilding is difficult to estimate but could be more than: $ 30 - $40 billion. The “clean up” and “rebuilding” will create many 100’s or 1,000’s of new jobs.

What does this mean for you??

(National & International citizens)

These tasks will generate new jobs and new opportunities. Many christchurch residents / families / workers have left Christchurch for Australia, Auckland and other parts of New Zealand - but their skills are needed in Christchurch

The new zealand government regards the “clean up” and “rebuild” as matters of urgency.

There will be a very high demand for both new skilled workers and Graduates.

Jobs will be guaranteed - written job offer BEFORE you leave your home country Immigration New Zealand (INZ) “Fast Track” of Visa Applications with employer application Contribution to travel expenses for “high value” skilled workers (may be negotiable) Accommodation & travel expenses - where appropriate for both New Zealand Based / International Clients Priority given to specific skills and qualifications that are in demand Requirements will cover a wide range but initially: Construction Workers - Carpenters - Builders Electricians -Welders - Fitters - Welders / Fabricators - IT - Telecommunications - Surveyors Estimators - Engineers - Heavy Transport Drivers - Support Staff (Admin.) - Healthcare and many more.

Long Term opportunities as reconstruction is anticipated to take at least 10 to 15 years Opportunity for international clients to seek permanent residence and / or citizenship in New Zealand Great Opportunities for Graduates

A genuine opportunity of a lifetime awaits, New Zealand needs you! www.ekiwi-europe.com will be going live very soon, in the interim, please do not hesitate to contact us at: EKIWI EKIWI Email: admin@ekiwi-europe.com Group Ltd To have your details registered with Ekiwi Group Ltd. small registration fee payable to ensure that our candidates details are correctly presented, thus offering maximum potential of employment 42

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tntjobs.co.uk SILVERBACK EVENTS T: 0844 5617939 07595 021939 www.silverbackuk.com Silverback is a provider of premium support crew to production and AV companies within the event sector.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Crew Member Location: London Salary: £8.00 -15.00 per hour Silverback is looking for fit, intelligent, good communicators who can take direction from senior crewmen and clients. You need good social skills and impeccable punctuality and be prepared to work long & sometimes unsocial hours. Typical Duties: Loading / Unloading of vehicles, Rigging of AV equipment, Setting up and dismantling stage and set, Ensuring health & safety requirements are met, Liaising with clients in a professional manner. jason@silverbackuk.com | 07712 829348

CHRISTIES GROUP T: 01481 716220 christiesrestaurant.com Christies Restaurant. Based in Guernsey Channel Islands, we work hard… play hard. . .

Join us living and working on the beach!

VIBE TEACHER RECRUITMENT www.vibeteaching.co.uk Vibe is a well respected London-based teaching agency with a reputation for excellent knowledge, skills, service and standards.

BERRY MARQUEES T: 01784 471 410 www.berrymarquees.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: CDP / SOUS CHEF Location: Guernsey, Channel Islands Salary: £18,500 - £25,000 p.a.

Very Strong CDP or Sous Chef required to join our very busy restaurant & Bar in Guernsey. Must be fluent in English and be able to assist in the running of the kitchen.

Accommodation provided.

Phillip | 01481 716220 | philip@christiesrestaurant.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Financial Controller Location: Hammersmith, London Salary: (from) £25k - £35k + bonus + benefit Responsibility for: Payroll, Invoicing, Credit Control, Bookkeeping, Accounting and must have certified experience in Sage Line 50 and Sage Payroll Software. Organised, driven and friendly please. Send CV and introduce yourself!

Craig | craig@vibeteaching.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Foreman, Riggers, Warehouse Crew, HGV & Forklift Location: London Salary: £8 - £10ph + daily bonuses

Suppliers of stunning temporary structures to the event industry. From world famous sporting and music events to fashion shows, lavish private parties and royal weddings.

Berry are looking to immediately recruit hard working, motivated team members to join our existing crews installing temporary structures throughout the UK this summer.

The work is physically demanding but long hours and bonuses provide great earning potential. Located 30 minutes on train from Clapham Junction. info@berrymarquees.com | 01784 471 410

GALLOWGLASS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Crew Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments

T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

PITMANS PEOPLE T: 020 7749 0605 www.pitmanspeople.com We supply a vast range of staff to live events all over the UK and Europe.

Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew.

You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude.

CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Security and Stewards Wanted Location: London Salary: Stewards £6.50ph, SIA £9.50ph and Supervisors £10.00 Example: Stewards and SIA wanted to work with us over the summer on some huge events including the Olympics. Duties involve Crowd Management, Traffic Control and Customer Interaction.

Hettie Tetteh | 020 7749 0605 | eventstaffhr@pitmanspeople.com

GRIND COFFEE BAR T: 020 8789 5101 www.grindcoffeebar.co.uk At Grind Coffee Bar we strive to provide great quality customer service combined with freshly prepared REAL food and exceptional coffee.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Restaurant/Café Manager Location: Westfield Stratford Salary: £24,000 We are looking for an enthusiastic, hardworking Restaurant/Café Manager with a genuine passion for food, coffee and the industry itself. Café experience is a must, as well as very strong barista skills. david dickinson | 020 8789 5101 | david@grindcoffeebar.co.uk

1/6/12 16:00:42

tntjobs.co.uk JOGPOST

JOB OF THE WEEK: Distribution Supervisors Location: London (within M25 Salary: upto £120 per day

T: 020 7731 8994 07957 216 641 jogpost.co.uk Jogpost is the social enterprise, direct marketing company revolutionising the leaflet distribution industry, visit website for details.

CONVIVIUM CARE T: 01761 239029 01761 232689 www.conviviumcare.co.uk Convivium Care is a small home care company which prides itself on providing a personal and professional service to clients in the South West of England.

Job entails managing a team of upto 10 joggers, who will be leafletting around london (within m25). Working hours typically 08:00 to 18:00.

H.R. | 020 7731 8994 or 07957 216 641 | taurai@jogpost.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-in Carers Location: South West England Salary: Circa £2,000 PCM + Board & Lodging Are you a creative person with a big smile and a kind heart? Live-in care is such a rewarding job for people with imagination & compassion. Candidates must have UK Drivers licence & minimum 3 months availability.

Call 01761 239029 or 01761 232689

LEARNER LOGISTICS LTD

JOB OF THE WEEK: Estimator Location: Central London Salary: £32,000 to £35,000 per annum

leanerlogistics.co.uk

Estimator with 3-5 years experience within construction industry. Working in operations environment, preparing and creating tender/bid documents, including bills of quantities.

Past subcontractor experience. Organised, working to deadlines and liaise at all levels across the business.

Leaner Logistics is a modern, innovative, construction services company. Delivering services that meet the unique and individual needs of our Clients.

ASPECT.CO.UK

t.ennever@leanerlogistics.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Air Conditioning / Refrigeration Engineers required Location: Central London Salary: From £30ph / £160 per day

T: 07872 684 959 aspect.co.uk aspect.co.uk is a property maintenance company with a difference. Whatever your property maintenance needs, our highly skilled tradesmen will be happy to help 24/7.

Air Conditioning / Refrigeration Engineers required for work in and around Central London for breakdown, servicing and installation work. Mobile phone and vehicle provided.

Immediate start for the right applicants. Please email CV to vacancies@aspect.co.uk

GRAND UNION BARS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar Staff / Floor Staff / Supervisors Location: Kennington / Brixton Salary: Hourly rates based on past experience plus tips

T: 020 7582 6685 grandunionbars.com An opportunity to join one of the most successful and fastest growing new bar/ restaurant concepts in the UK.

Matt Burns | 07872 684 959 | vacancies@aspect.co.uk

We’re looking for exceptional people to join our award winning company.

If you are outgoing, sociable & confident and are interested in joining the team just visit our website/email your CV & cover letter. grandunionbars.com/jobs | kennington@grandunionbars.com | 020 7582 6685

WAAP EVENT SERVICES LIMITED

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Erector Location: National Salary: On Application

T: 01273 665 473

Crew needed to work from June to September building marquees on sites UK wide.

The job involves regular periods away from home. If you enjoy travelling and physical work, email waap@live.co.uk for an application form.

An established supplier of marquees to music festivals, outdoor events and film locations, WAAP operates on sites throughout the UK.

JOBS TNT_1501_JOTW_DPS.indd 45

Please email: waap@live.co.uk for an application form.

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

1/6/12 16:21:37

LIFESTYLELIVING

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The legal squatters

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Fed up with paying a fortune in rent each month to live in the capital? There are cheaper ways...

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WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Whore Tea Cup A favourite of Lady Gaga’s illicittouch.com

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Another month, another lump of cash winds its way from your bank account into that of a smug landlord, who’s no doubt gleefully rubbing his hands together that you’re paying off his mortgage for him.

On average, the price of renting a property has soared five per cent yearon-year in London, which means there’s increasingly less cash to have fun with while you’re living in the capital.

While it varies wildly borough to borough, it’s doubtful you’d get change from £300 a week in Shepherd’s Bush – while areas such as South Kensington are pretty much out of the question at £700 a week.

And, although it may feel the only alternative is to break into a property, set up home and demand squatters’ rights, there are other options.

As the mood of austerity further grips the country, more companies are springing up, offering temporary lets – these include empty homes, disused office spaces as well as commercial buildings.

Nice pad: Karine Laudort-Idonije application form, but after that, it could be just 24 hours before a property comes up for viewing.

Karine Lauzort-Idonije, 33, heard about the scheme when she and her partner were given unexpected notice to leave their property. It was a godsend.

“Financially, with the current market, where we want to live and the space we’d get for the money, it wasn’t an option,” she says. “Having lived in west Kensington, the rents have gone crazy. We realised if we wanted to save money to buy, we couldn’t carry on throwing cash away at someone else’s mortgage.”

Lauzort-Idonije, who works in PR, is staying

Guardians of London, guardiansoflondon.com

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Picnic basket Stuff it full of goodies tigerstores.co.uk

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Guardians of London is one such company.

It provides an anti-squatter service for clients with empty flats and houses in prime locations in the capital.

Licence fees (rent) can be as cheap as £60 a week – inclusive of bills – and, although you’ll need to be ready to move out with just two weeks’ notice, some properties are let for three years. You’ll need to fill out a basic

in a four-bedroom property that boasts living and dining rooms and lots of storage. And it’s costing her just £650 a month, including bills. “That amount of money wouldn’t even pay for a studio around here,” she says. “It’s

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31/5/12 14:11:12

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CHEAP RENTS CAMBERWELL, SE5

An arty hub in south London with plenty of rooms in converted Edwardian and Victorian buildings on offer.

RAIL: Denmark Hill Overground; Zone 2 AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £500pcm WALTHAMSTOW, E17

a wealthy woman who owns the property.

She wants to refurbish it, but is waiting for planning permission. That could take a while.”

To register with the company, you’ll need to be employed or a mature student, and the admin fee is £75. And if you’ve got a non-EU passport, they’ll need to check your visa and paperwork.

Gavin Handman, 37, who set up the company last year, says: “It’s not for everyone, being a property guardian, especially if you’re someone that likes quite a few creature comforts. If you’re happy to make do, then it’s a suitable way to live.”

Ad Hoc, adhoc.eu Licence fees range from £225-£310 per month with this company, which finds guardians to live full-time in empty flats, houses, offices, schools, pubs, care homes and other buildings. You’ll go through checks – Ad Hoc requires character and employer references – and will need to be flexible; the average stay is about eight months, but you’ll need to be prepared to leave a building with just two weeks’ notice.

Photos: TNT

Camelot Property Management, camelotproperty.com When we check out their website, there are six places available at a former care home in Morden, south London, and four places in a four-bedroom house in Crystal Palace, south-east London. The company manages empty buildings on behalf of owners. These

With a strong town-centre feel and Europe’s longest outdoor street market, you won’t need to venture to Zone 1 on the weekends, because everything is here.

TUBE: Walthamstow Central overground, Victoria line; Zone 3 AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £400pcm EARLSFIELD, SW17, SW18

properties could be awaiting demolition, renovation, sale, letting or redevelopment.

Fees vary from £25 to £100 per week, and you’ll need about £500 for a deposit.

Property Guardians, propertyguardians.org This company prioritises offering affordable living to key workers such as teachers, nurses and charity staff. The majority of guardians are “single, educated and creative” and can find themselves living in everything from warehouses and offices, to hospitals and schools. “With recent strengthening of anti-squatting laws, there is increased possibility for a middle way, which provides protection from vandalism and arson, and very cheap (sometimes free) accommodation for someone who’s happy NEXT WEEK to work looking after a place that’s Spotlight on less desirable,” Walthamstow a spokesman says.

An often forgotten southwest London suburb. The many Victorian terraced houses make good quality rental properties.

RAIL: Earlsfield; Zone 3 AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £550pcm NEW CROSS, SE14

Thanks to its reputation as a dive, plus its lack of a Tube, New Cross is supercheap. But if you don’t mind a bit of scuzz, it’s actually got lots going on.

RAIL: New Cross; Zone 2 AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £430pcm POPLAR, E15

Close to east London’s bars and markets, but far enough away to be out of the city.

RAIL: Poplar, DLR; Zone 2 AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £500pcm

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WORLDVIEW

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Being held: a croc

POLICE FIND CROC DURING DRUGS RAIDS AUSTRALIA A crocodile was seized from a flat in a series of raids in Melbourne – and is being held by police. Guns, drugs and cash were also discovered in nine properties.

Officers made 10 arrests as part of a long-running investigation into firearms and drug trafficking. The guns included two pen pistols and two sawn-off shotguns. Police also found two stolen cars, two stolen motorcycles and car parts.

The 25cm-long crocodile captured in an Essendon flat remains in custody.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @Queen_UK Bit worried about Jeremy Hunt. He seems to be having problems with his memory #leveson @AngryBritain #AskBoris I’ve got a spot coming up, is it going to ruin my night out tomorrow? @StephenMangan My last tweet (a pic of a pair of tits) earned me 1000 new followers. Could it work twice?

HUMAN FOOT SENT TO CONSERVATIVE PARTY CANADA Staff at a Conservative Party HQ were horrified after a blood-stained package was delivered to their offices.

Police were called after a receptionist partly opened the box, only to find a decomposing human foot inside.

It is being linked to the torso of a man found by police in a suitcase in a heap of rubbish. A second package containing a hand was sent to the Liberal party the following day.

A porn actor, Luka Rocco Magnotta, 48

Goal! Two beluga whales play with a football at the Beijing Aquarium.

The aquarium, the largest in China and shaped like a huge conch shell, houses more than 1000 species

is being sought in connection with the murder of the man.

He is also alleged to have posted online a video of him committing the crime, according to a source. It’s claimed it was found as police combed through a bloodsoaked Montreal studio.

“This is the kind of crime scene police have never seen in their career,” Montreal Police commander Ian Lafreniere said.

WOMAN, 83, GETS BUM STUCK IN DECKCHAIR UNITED KINGDOM An 83-year-old woman was trapped in her deckchair for nearly six hours before being rescued.

She became trapped when the fabric seat on her chair ripped, leaving her bottom lodged within the frame of the chair and her legs in the air.

She was freed after a passing fire crew heard her cries for help.

Firefighters climbed on to the woman’s balcony from a neighbour’s flat in Northway, Scarborough, North Yorkshire, and helped her out of the chair.

A North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service spokeswoman said: “This was an unusual incident, but fire fighters are trained for every eventuality.”

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1/6/12 11:16:11

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 7

Minutes erased from Men In Black 3

by Chinese censors to remove ‘offensive’ Chinese baddies

‘Smile all you like, you’re only getting 10%’

WAITER CASHES IN WITH $5K TIP UNITED STATES A waiter couldn’t believe his luck when a couple tipped him $5000.

Greg Rubar was speechless as he was handed 50 crisp $100 bills as he started his shift at D’Amico’s Italian Market Cafe in Rice Village, Houston, Texas. He’s worked at the restaurant for 16 years, and waited on the couple for about eight years.

Rubar said: “He said, ‘I’m not going to be giving you a tip for awhile. Take this money. Go buy yourself a car’.”

The couple, who wish to remain anonymous, knew that Rubar had been without transportation for weeks since his car was flooded after a thunderstorm several weeks ago.

TAKEN THE PUSS? THET’S NUT NUSS

Photos: Getty; AAP

AUSTRALIA We’ve all done it, even the Kiwis among us: we’ve all taken the puss out of the New Zild eksent.

But one Kiwi took such offence to a bit of gentle mocking that he allegedly attacked an Australian TV station executive.

The 44-year-old, who now lives in Griffith, NSW, was upset over a TV ad for Knockonwood furniture, which featured two birds mimicking a thick New Zealand accent as they talk about “sweet as” and “choice” deals.

Police claim the man abused Knockonwood’s owner over the phone before travelling to the WIN Television offices and assaulting a man from the

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Amount, in pounds, spectators will have to pay for a pint of beer while watching the Olympic Games

2

13

Months a lottery ticket was on a Nottingham couple’s fridge before they realised they’d scooped a £1m jackpot

Sentence, in months, given to a man from Hampshire who stole a £3000 pair of parrots in an amusement park prank

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Fido hadn’t expected that kind of bone station’s advertising team. Paul Pierotti, MD of Knockonwood’s parent company, the Caesar Group, said he would not take the ad off air. “It’s part of the culture of both Australia and New Zealand to poke fun at each other.”

COUPLE FACE JAIL FOR SEX WITH DOG AUSTRALIA A husband and wife are due to be sentenced after admitting having sex with a dog.

Tina and Gary Reichelt arranged their illicit activities over the internet with the pet’s owner Kathleen Modystack, who also pleaded guilty to one count of bestiality. Modystack, 58, was not involved in the sex act, but did loan her dog out.

Forensic psychologist Allen Fugler told South Australia’s District Court Mrs Reichelt, 53, committed the crime out of sexual naivety. He added she was “encouraged” into the sexual acts with dogs by her 51-year-old husband.

The trio will be sentenced in July.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK We’re just enjoying it at the minute and maybe once everyone’s finished doing what they’re doing ... neverr say never Jo O’Meara, one of three former S Club 7 members who performed on Australian TV last week. brings hope to her fans

1/6/12 11:16:24

It’s Tax Refund Time

Beat the rush and get your claim in now!

1 in 3 people working in the UK are due a tax refund and you could be one of them – even if you are a working student or did not work for the full financial year. 1st Contact has processed over 130 000 successful claims and we work on a “no refund, no fee”policy, so you have nothing to lose!

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Your personal claim will depend on your individual circumstances.

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1/6/12 12:37:35

TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Young, dumb and full of booze, apparently

Don’t hate the young for enjoying themselves

Photos: Getty

Insurance firm blames drunk, arrogant young Aussies for claims 1Cover Travel Insurance has risked becoming as popular Down Under as Frank Sinatra was when he referred to the Australian press as ‘fags, pimps and whores’ in its assertion that twenty-something Aussies are most likely to make claims – because they are a boozy bunch saddled with a sense of entitlement.

Managing director Eddie Feltham moaned how younger travellers pay less for their insurance than those aged 60-70, even though they are almost twice as likely to make a medical or dental claim. His incendiary accusations that this was due to certain Aussie traits and a national mindset would be offensive were they not so stupid.

Surely the larger amount of accidents sustained by twenty-somethings is to do with the age difference, a 25-year-old more likely to enjoy adventure activities, the associated risks more likely to incur medical expenses. When was the last time you saw a 70-year-old racing down the slopes of the Alps, their grey, thinning hair billowing in the wind? Or a bronzed sexagenarian emerging from the surf on a Hawaiian beach after storming the waves like some sort of modern-day, 65-year-old Ursula Andress?

Just as irksome is his assertion that all 23-30-year-old Antipodeans are binging boozehounds, belching from one bar to another causing havoc, mostly to themselves.

While it is churlish to argue that Aussies don’t like a drink, this is hardly an attribute they alone possess. Try to remember the last time you went to Amsterdam and didn’t see a procession of pissed-up Brits staggering though Dam Square, football shirts riding up over their London Pride bellies, showing utter disregard for themselves and everyone else.

We pay for insurance so when things go wrong (they’re accidents, not planned!) we have help when we need it. Perhaps if Feltham has a problem with Australian customers, they could activate another sense of entitlement – the entitlement to vote with their feet and take their money elsewhere. » Do young Aussies have a binge-drinking sense of entitlement? letters@tntmagazine.com

RACISM’S NOT A LOCALISED ISSUE Sol Campbell doesn’t want England fans to go to the Euros – “it’s not worth the risk,” he said after viewing BBC footage of trouble on the terraces at a match in the Ukraine.

Footballers, pundits and armchair experts have all said why Ukraine and Poland are behind the times, and shouldn’t have been awarded the Euros. The Ukrainian Foreign Ministry spokesman has said the Panorama show was deeply onesided, though, and he has a fair point.

Is there racism in the Ukraine and Poland? Almost certainly. Any form of racist abuse is deplorable and unforgiveable, but

“

There’s a lot of ‘Do as I say not as I do’

”

there seems to be a large amount of ‘Do as I say not as I do’ about the anxieties.

The former England captain, John Terry, who’s playing in the tournament, is himself still due in court on accusations of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand, younger brother of one of his former England teammates.

Maybe we should boycott Terry, too?

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Is the Queen still relevant?

As Liz celebrates her Diamond Jubilee, two experts debate whether the royal family is outdated EDITED BY CAROL DRIVER It’s been 60 years since Queen Elizabeth inherited the throne after the death of her father. Since then, a lot has changed. £1 in 1952 would be worth £24.34 today, and the UK’s GDP has increased 9332 per cent. The monarch’s role has also evolved, with her powers increasingly eroded, leaving more of a constitutional role. Here, we ask two experts whether, in a modern world, there’s still a place for our royal family.

Graham Smith, republic.org.uk The case for a republic is simple and universal – it’s about having a head of state and political system that represents modern national values and aspiration. In Britain we value democracy, accountability, the rule of law and fairness. The monarchy stands foursquare against those ideals. It is an institution that represents Victorian ideas of empire and the powerful state. It is completely out of place in Britain, but more so in the rest of the Commonwealth.

In Australia, and elsewhere in the Commonwealth, the issue has an added edge of farce – Australians have an absent monarch, a foreign monarch who is rarely seen on Australian soil and who – we are often told – represents British interests abroad. But in the UK, too, there are lots of good reasons why the monarchy should be abolished.

The principled objection is solid: we are supposed to value fairness and see each other as equal citizens. We can’t be a bit equal; it’s all or nothing. We can’t be equal at all if one family is raised above all others because of their parentage.

The royal household itself is rotten to the core: they abuse their access to our elected politicians by lobbying them for their own agenda behind closed doors and in secret. They wilfully misuse public funds, even when Britain is suffering from a serious economic downturn. They continue to represent us internationally, despite all the evidence suggesting that the likes of Prince Andrew do our nation’s reputation nothing but harm. Deference is expected 52

and received and this clouds the judgement of otherwise intelligent people in the corridors of power. Secrecy is granted, money is wasted and lobbying is listened to.

In Britain the monarchy is more than just the head of state. It is the basis of the constitution. Power flows from the Crown and that power is in the hands of the prime minister, with little or no parliamentary or public scrutiny or accountability.

The Queen and Prince Charles also have to be asked for their consent before any law is proposed to parliament if it affects their private interests. To put it simply, the

“

The royals wilfully misuse public funds

”

monarchy just isn’t good enough for Britain or any of our Commonwealth friends, we deserve better.

And there is a really good and inspiring alternative: a democratic republican alternative where everyone in this country gets to elect our head of state; choosing someone exciting and inspirational who can represent and understand us. The president wouldn’t be running the government – she or he would be on our side; a defender of the constitution and champion of the people. An elected head of state would have the authority to speak for the nation on non-partisan issues and to represent us internationally on state occasions.

What’s great, of course, is the British president would then be able to meet the Canadian president, the Australian president and the New Zealand president – we would all be independent, full-blooded democratic societies, each choosing our own national leader. So let’s make this the

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Clockwise: Carole Middleton, the Queen and Camilla, duchess of Cornwall; with Australian PM Julia Gillard; the royal family

final jubilee – instead of wasting millions on celebrating hereditary power and privilege (money that could be spent saving jobs), let’s instead do something inspirational and democratic, let’s move this country and all Commonwealth countries to become republics and real democracies.

Photos: Getty

Andrew Rosindell, Tory MP & royalist Aristotle famously wrote: “Monarchy is the one system of government where power is exercised for the good of all.”

Almost 2500 years later, this remains true. This year we celebrate 60 years of Queen Elizabeth’s reign and despite some ups and downs, she is now more popular as ever. Time and again polls suggest the overwhelming majority of the country wishes to retain the monarchy.

The reason why the oldest form of government is still so prevalent is that it is constantly updating itself. Other alternatives are often promulgated, only to fall to the wayside. Monarchical systems are stable and effective.

Despite being abolished in many countries, when monarchies evolve and adapt they are loved. Spain and Britain have tried to abolish the system, only to revert back shortly after.

The monarchy is a wonderful, prominent aspect of our society not only in this country, but in our 16 overseas territories, five crown dependencies and in all 16 realms. The Queen links us to the past and provides hope for the future.

The Queen’s reign has seen 12 British prime ministers and more than 140 PMs from countries where she reigns.

She guided us through the end of Empire, the 1970s recession and the Cold War. Her wealth of experience can guide us though any eventually. As head of state she is also head of the Armed Forces and the Church of England, both important to how our country runs.

The Queen is also head of more than 500 organisations that work to advantage the people of the UK and abroad.

Conversely presidential systems are often fraught with

problems. Recently German chancellor Angela Merkel underwent her second president resigning amongst scandal.

A British monarch has only once ceded the throne in more than 1000 years. There is always a clear line of succession, even when Edward VIII abdicated, offering much more stability. Despite the fact they can be deposed by the will of the people in the 21st century, monarchs are not concerned with their political futures and power like other elected heads of state as they think only of the good of the country.

A long-reigning monarch can act as a pillar of advice for transient politicians and can never be corrupted, bribed or bullied, monarchs are generally above this.

The monarchy is particular relevant in these hard economic times, as it is a very cost-effective system. Contrary to popular opinion, the monarchy doesn’t cost very much at all. The Queen is only the 50th richest person in the UK, costing the taxpayer only 69p a year. The PM and other parts of the government costs the taxpayer far more.

Initially, the royal family’s wealth came from the fact they owned and taxed all the land in England, now the “civil list” is voted on in parliament every year. This list basically agrees the nation will support the Queen and her husband Prince Philip. Prince Charles is supported by agricultural rents in the Duchy of Cornwall, due to his position as the Prince of Wales.

The amount of money they receive from the taxpayer is tiny.

In the financial year to 31 March, 2009, the revenue surplus from the Crown Estate paid to the Treasury amounted to £211m. On top of this, the monarchy brings in cash, not only as they are a well-loved tourist attraction, but they are often used in trade delegations and to aid British businesses.

As I began with a quote from a famous philosophers, I’ll end with a quote from one the most famous politicians, Margaret Thatcher: “Those who imagine a politician would make a better figurehead than a hereditary monarch might perhaps make the acquaintance of more politicians.”

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTNEWS

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Hardman: Benny Elias (centre)

ELIAS: WOULD YOU STIFF JON BON JOVI? RUGBY LEAGUE Former NSW Origin captain Ben Elias may have bled for his state for the paltry sum of $200, but he believes the current crop of representative players are grossly underpaid.

Elias, who last represented the Blues in 1994, said short-changed players deserved to be paid more than $20,000 per match.

It’s estimated an Origin series generates up to $35m with the 34 players earning $2m or about six per cent.

They are pushing for $50,000 a game.

“It’s like Bon Jovi coming out here singing and the promoters are going to get 90 per cent and you guys have got 10 per cent; there’s no way that’s going to happen,” Elias said.

“The players are the entertainers and the superstars of the game and if not for these people there’s nothing.”

LYON: PUNDITS’ VIEWS ARE NOT MY CONCERN AFL He’s been accused of destroying the game, but Fremantle coach Ross Lyon doesn’t care what AFL greats Kevin Bartlett and Mark Maclure have to say about his defensive game plan.

The Dockers have been heavily criticised by fans, former players and the media over the past fortnight, with Lyon’s tactics coming under particular scrutiny. But he’s not having a bar of it.

“There’s a lot of minnows out there that like to get heard above the pack, and there’s clearly some heavy hitters in journalism that have an opinion,” he said.

“You guys are trying to get heard. How do you do that? I don’t think you get heard if you’re vanilla.

54

Balls to you: Australian table tennis exponent Robert Frank delights in his inclusion in the nation’s Olympic team. Franks has spent six years in the national team and will be determined to prove his non-selection to Beijing was to Australia’s detriment “There’s clearly some unbalanced and sensationalist views. At the end of the day we’re 5-4, we’ve played some great footy and we’re really determined.”

BLOW FOR ALL WHITES AS REID OUT INJURED FOOTBALL West Ham defender Winston Reid has been ruled out of the NZ squad for the OFC Nations Cup with a groin injury.

Reid has been carrying the injury since the end of the east London club’s promotionwinning season and NZ’s schedule in the Solomon Islands – five games in 10 days – would risk further damage.

Meanwhile, 22-year-old Tommy Smith will captain the All Whites throughout NZ’s campaign as Spurs defender Ryan Nelsen is unavailable for duty.

BIG WEEK FOR ...

Christiano Ronaldo says he will only feel on top when he wins a trophy with his country.

This week brings the chance to get off on the right foot as the Euros begin, Ronaldo’s Portugal playing Germany on Saturday (BBC One, 7.45pm). The 27-year-old’s form has been scintillating this season – he’s racked up 60 goals in 55 games for Real Madrid. Ronaldo will be expecting to add to his international total of 32 in 89 games, but will have to work hard as the German backline, containing Boteng, Hahm and Mertesacker, look to nullify him at every opportunity.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Put some water on the fucking greens. I can’t control the wind, but I can’t control the green staff either South African Ernie Els takes a swing at the course setup at Wentworth, as conditions make life difficult for the players

Webber: driving like he stole it

I will go to jail, because I will kill them … I’m black and proud to have African roots

PREVIEW F1 continues exciting season CANADIAN GRAND PRIX, MONTREAL SUNDAY, SKY SPORTS F1, 5.30PM. BBC ONE. 10PM (HIGHLIGHTS) Whose turn is it this week? With the first six races of the season yielding six different winners, it could be anybody.

In Australian Mark Webber’s Monaco victory, Red Bull became the first team to chalk up two victories in 2012, extending their lead at top of the constructors’ championship to 38 points.

Webber sits second equal on the driver’s

table, alongside teammate Sebastian Vettel, but it is Ferrari’s Fernando Alonso who has delivered the most consistent races (results: 5, 1, 9, 7, 2, 3) to go clear by three points.

Circuit Gilles Villeneuve features 70 laps and is a challenging track, featuring high speeds into thin chicanes, and close walls waiting to punish even the slightest mistake.

It’s a tense week off the track as well: Quebec students have been protesting over tuition fees and are threatening to disturb or even force the cancellation of the race – a hard core citing sexism and nonenvironmental practices in F1. Puh-leese.

Italian striker Mario Balotelli will not tolerate banana throwing or any other racial abuse at the Euros. Good call, but murder may be a bit extreme Mario, even for you

Honestly never thought I would play for the Bulldogs, it’s probably the last team I’d join Former Eels and Warriors player Krisnan Inu after scoring two tries and kicking three goals on debut for the CanterburyBankstown Bulldogs in the NRL

TV HIGHLIGHTS

THE CHAT | All Blacks v Ireland

Photos: Getty

CRICKET Irish meet the world champion All Blacks Q The in Auckland on Saturday (8.35am, Sky Sports 2).

Should we be expecting a big win for NZ? so fast. Although Irish coach Declan Kidney recently A Not confessed that the three-test tour was “sadistic’’, he’s implored his side to “play with no fear” and win the series.

Considering Ireland sent the predicted World Cup finals draw into disarray last year by beating Australia, drew with runnerup France in Paris in March and had both sides (Leinster and Ulster) in the Heineken Cup final, they’re a force to reckoned with. Still, NZ’s players, surely now recovered from their Cup hangover, always lift when in black and will be determined to forge a new era of domination. Should be a cracker.

England v West Indies First day, third Test Thursday, 10.30am. Sky Sports 1

RUGBY Australia v Wales The Dragons are hungry for Wallabies Sat, 11am. Sky Sports 2

FOOTBALL Spain v Italy Brian O’Driscoll

European Championship action Sunday, 5pm. ITV 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY

Eyes on the prize: Jesse Ryder

Ryder does the right thing by turning down Kiwis The big man now free from the the ever-present threat of punishment

» Agree or disagree? Should Ryder have signed with NZC? letters@tntmagazine.com 56

IF YOU DON’T ASK, YOU’LL NEVER GET Players in Australia’s National Rugby League (NRL) must heed the call of well-respected forward Petero Civoniveva and unify in order to avoid being exploited as a billion-dollar broadcasting deal is negotiated by the games powers-that-be.

Much of the players’ concern centres around State of Origin, considered the sport’s pinnacle. It generates $30m annually, but the players, who put their bodies on the line in an effort to smash each other up, only receive six per cent.

They are also paid a loyalty payment,

“

State of Origin brings in $30m each year

”

which can only be claimed in 10 years time, but is forfeited if they switch to union or leave to play abroad. Ouch.

Considering there’s also a salary cap at club level, it appears that, unlike many other sports’ athletes, leagues’ players are, proportionately, actually being underpaid.

In a game considered the toughest in the world, that fact must hurt the most.

Photos: Getty

Kudos to big-hitting Jesse Ryder for turning down a New Zealand Cricket (NZC) contract for the coming year. Although fans would dearly love to see him smashing the ball about the park for the Black Caps, his decision to say ‘no’ is a wise one.

Ryder’s battles with NZC, usually relating to alcohol and discipline, are well documented, the 27-year-old’s latest indiscretion to break team protocol by drinking while carrying injuries after NZ’s second ODI against South Africa in Napier in February. He also faces a hearing with Cricket Wellington after a club match in which he took strong exception to an opponent questioning his commitment to the game. That matter is still to be resolved.

Right now, Ryder is too much of an individual for NZC to handle, a guy well aware of his own ability, one not prepared to compromise the things he enjoys and assimilate into a homogenous blend of good boys. He’s a man in the mold of England’s Ian ‘Beefy’ Botham or Australia’s Andrew Symonds, who notoriously loved a pint and in 2008 missed a team meeting because the fishing had been too excellent to leave.

But where Australia could say ‘catch ya later’ to Symonds, due to the wealth of talent lurking behind him, the Black Caps can’t really afford to lose Ryder. Of those in the current side who have played more than 15 Tests for NZ, Ryder’s average of 40.93 is second only to captain Ross Taylor’s 43.52. If he’s had a few drinks along the way and been a bit vocal about the restrictions placed on him, it would appear his batting hasn’t been too affected.

Ryder will now be in hot demand in T20 competitions around the globe, where he can command big money without being treated like a child. Some time away from the harsh spotlight on New Zealand’s small stage will do him good. Perhaps NZC will see him performing for other teams and welcome him back. Perhaps not, but seeing Big Jessie happily belting the leather again is something all fans of cricket, a game that seems ever more eager to marginalise its colourful characters, will raise a glass to.

jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

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Lucky number seven?

Rafael Nadal has his sights set on another historic achievement at the French Open WORDS TOM STURROCK

Since winning his first French Open title in 2005, on his first attempt, at the tender age of 19, it has been Rafael Nadal’s destiny to amass more Roland Garros trophies than any other player. This week, he will continue his campaign for a record seventh title in Paris – he currently sits level with Bjorn Borg, another player of precocious gifts, but has already vaulted past the Swede to stand alone as the greatest claycourter ever to slide through the red dirt. All that remains is for him to claim one more French Open title, to extend his phenomenal 48-1 record at this tournament with a further four ballistic, grinding victories.

Nadal, of course, starts as warm favourite, but that is not to say that victory is assured, that his ascension is a formality.

No one, after all, saw Robin Soderling coming in 2009, least of all Nadal, and the Swede became the first, last and only man to beat the Spaniard at the French Open. So best-laid plans can still be disrupted. What are the obstacles for Nadal to overcome this year?

last of the four majors, it would be a feat to rank alongside any of Federer’s or Nadal’s.

Novak Djokovic

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga

Nadal, as it turns out, is not the only champion who has arrived in Paris chasing his own slice of history. Since the start of last year, Djokovic has cemented his status as the dominant player on the men’s tour, claiming four of the past five majors – the only blip was his loss to Federer at the French Open last year. Still, it has been a breathtaking run, an audacious grab for supremacy, leapfrogging Nadal and Federer to the top of the pecking order.

And so Djokovic comes in holding the three other Grand Slam titles, having prevailed in London, New York and Melbourne. It is an even more amazing achievement for the fact he beat Nadal in the final each time – his road to number one has gone straight through the Spaniard. And, should he deny Nadal once more, en route to claiming the

It has been 29 long years since a French player won their national title – that was Yannick Noah back in 1983 – a drought the locals would dearly love to see broken. And, in Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, currently ranked No 5 in the world, they have a player who undoubtedly possesses the game to win a Grand Slam. At his best, he has the rare combination of power, pace and shot-making to beat any of the big three, but has yet to display the patience or the composure on the biggest stage required to take out a major.

At age 27, though, the clock is ticking for Tsonga. Clay may not be his favourite surface – he has, it is worth noting, never progressed beyond the fourth round in Paris. So the other majors may be Tsonga’s best chances, but he is the kind of player for whom momentum is everything.

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Roger Federer He’s nearly 31 and has spent the latter years of his career trying to figure out ways to beat Nadal – with a spectacular lack of success whenever they’ve met on clay. One can only wonder how many more Grand Slams Federer might have won – to go with the existing 16 – had he not run up against the greatest ever claycourter in the second half of his career.

Four times Federer has met Nadal in the final at Roland Garros, each occasion coming away empty-handed.

But Federer is doing a good job of defying Father Time.

Indeed, it was only a week or so ago that he won the Madrid Masters, on clay, for a third time, to move back up to second in the rankings. How he would love one last crack, once last chance to beat Nadal on his own turf. Should he succeed, his 17th major would become the sweetest of the lot.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: Novac Djokovic; Jo-Wilfried Tsonga; Roger Federer

Juan Martin del Potro There aren’t too many former Grand Slam champions on tour these days. There’s the big three, who have been gorging themselves for years, but who else? Well, there’s Lleyton Hewitt, who is hobbling through an extended farewell tour and the oft-forgotten Argentine, Juan Martin del Potro, who came from nowhere to win the 2009 US Open and then promptly disappeared after a nasty run of injuries.

Well, he’s still around – indeed, he’s back in the top 10 and at age 23 is only just coming into his prime. With his monstrous serve, Del Potro may yet prove more of a handful on the grasscourts of Wimbledon or on the blue hardcourts of New York; on clay, the likes of Nadal and Djokovic will fancy themselves to get the better of him from the back of the court. But Del Potro is a player on the rise – it would be a surprise if he doesn’t add to that US Open title at some point. Maybe this week?

Photos: Getty

A dodgy knee? A dicky groin?

It may seem like Nadal has been around forever but he’s still only 25. The relative tender age, though, belies the wear and tear inflicted on his body over the past eight or nine years. Whereas Federer has managed to avoid serious injury, Nadal is likely to fall apart long before he hits 30. More than any player in the modern era, Nadal plays an intensely physical, devastatingly taxing brand of tennis, which relies on maximum effort and brute force, on hitting hard and chasing more ferociously than any opponent.

He remains a champion player, of course, more at home at Roland Garros than at any other tournament, but there is a nagging question. Are the joints worn out? Is Nadal slowing down? Have the years of hard grind prematurely checked his ability to beat the best? Maybe. But there’s still at least one more shot in the locker. Expect Nadal to land it this week.

CHASING BJORN A CLAYCOURT MASTER Swede Bjorn Borg, known as the first rock star of the sport and the first player to win a million dollars, was almost unbeatable on clay, winning six times at Roland Garros between 1974 and 1981 – a record Nadal is aiming to beat this year.

Nicknamed “Ice Borg” for his unflappable on-court demeanour, Borg’s extremely high level of fitness and mental toughness, combined with his exceptional ground shots, allowed him to achieve a win-loss ratio of 49-2 (96 percent) at the French Open.

When Borg shocked the sporting world by retiring in 1983, aged 26, to enjoy his riches, people wondered if his French Open record would ever be broken. If Nadal captures it this year, he’ll be thankful the Swede bowed out so early – otherwise it may never have been his.

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Get amongst it!

With the African specialists Absolute Africa 30 years overlanding in Africa

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

BIRTHDAY BRIDGE Fireworks explode over the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California, to celebrate its 75th anniversary. The 1.7-mile bridge first opened to traffic in 1937.

Photos: Getty, Cath Millman, TNT

INSIDE

TROUBLE IN PARADISE /64

MAKE AN ADVENTURE /74

SURFING & SHAMANS /80

How would you cope as a castaway? Find out with a coastal survival course on the beaches of Devon.

The picturesque French Ardennes is yours to discover, whether it’s a taste of the simple life or high-wire action you’re after.

In northern Peru, we catch world-class barrels and try Amazonian hallucinogen ayahuasca with holy men. It’s quite the trip ...

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

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Krakow’s mayor meets Lajkonik

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

CELEBRITY AIRS “Fucking idiot” Kim Kardashian (Jon Hamm’s words, not ours) applied her customary tact to a travel mishap recently after a flight from Terminal 5.

LAJKONIK FESTIVAL Krakow, Poland Wrapped in bright robes, a figure in the traditional dress of the Tatar people rides a hobbyhorse through Krakow’s main square, Rynek 7 Glowny, bopping passersby with his mace and dancing and jumping along the way. The figure, known as Lajkonik, is eventually greeted by the mayor, who presents him with a symbolic ransom and a goblet of wine.

JUNE

WHY: According to Polish legend, when the head of defensive raftsmen for Krakow defeated a Tatar bandit in the 13th century, he then dressed in the Turkic’s robes and paraded around the city in his stolen costume.

Today’s festivities mark an elaborate puffing of Krakow’s chest, if you will.

FESTIVAL OF TRAVEL WRITING

visitkrakow.co.uk

FEAST OF ST ANTHONY

Lisbon, Portugal

Lismore, Ireland

There’s something fishy going on in Lisbon next 12 week. It’s the rows upon rows of sardines being grilled in the streets in honour of Lisbon’s patron saint, Anthony, who, according to legend, found himself confiding in the fish back in the 13th century when no one would listen to his sermons. The story goes that when the fish all popped their heads above the water to hear him speak, the townsfolk saw the spectacle and, at last, began to believe in him.

JUNE

Created to inspire travel writers, bloggers and 7-10 readers, this year’s festival headliner is co-founder of Lonely Planet Tony Wheeler, who’ll be sharing some of his most memorable experiences from the road.

JUNE

lismoreimmrama.com

WOOD FEST

Kimmel Estate, St George, North Wales

lisbonweekendguild.com

Showcasing the world of wood (yes, you read that 2-4 right), this festival includes extreme biking from one wooden post to another, chainsaw artistry and climbing an 80ft Douglas fir pole.

JUNE

woodfestwales.co.uk

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DO IT BECAUSE: A Pole dressed as a barbarian dancing around town and striking people with a spiky club isn’t something you get to see every day. The spectacle, accompanied by a musical troupe, is truly unlike anything else.

ADELAIDE CABARET

Adelaide, Australia JUNE

8-23

Musicians, storytellers and burlesque performers feature. adelaidecabaretfestival.com

Photos: Tulio Bertorini/ Creative Commons

“Very disappointed in British Airways for opening my luggage & taking some special items of mine!” she tweeted, no doubt undoing millions of BA’s PR pounds in fewer than 140 characters.

But nonchalantly using one welltended fingernail to tap a blemish on to a brand is not the biggest crime committed against an airline by a celeb. What is it about travel that brings the worst out in this usually so publicly polished caste?

The list of celeb bad behaviour on planes is long, to say the least.

Professional fuck-up Pete Doherty was busted with a needle on a BA plane in 2009 and found himself arrested in Geneva when it landed. Stroppy supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested at Heathrow the year before, on suspicion of assaulting a police officer on a Boeing 747 over a lost bag. Alec Baldwin recently launched a tirade against American Airlines on Twitter after crew had the audacity to ask him to turn off his phone, and Joan Collins publicly criticised home secretary Theresa May because she had to queue for a bit at Terminal 5.

Perhaps most impressive is generously conked French actor Gerard Depardieu urinating on a City Jet carpet during a flight from Paris to Dublin. The Green Card star was refused entry to the lavatories as the seatbelt signs had been turned on for takeoff, so he pissed on the floor. The plane was grounded for two hours while staff cleaned up.

Travelling takes patience, flexibility, and the understanding that you are not the most important person on earth. No wonder this lot are hopeless at it.

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NAKED DISCOUNT Aussie van hire company Wicked Campers has introduced a ‘naked discount’ in the mother country, offering an extra day of hire free to customers who turn up to WC’s offices in the nude. The deal has apparently been snapped up by crowds of bare-bummed backpackers, with two Swedish girls photographed topless at the company’s Cairns branch. Manager John Laughton told the local press that “an equal mix of guys and girls” are daring to bare.

The naked offer is not available in Europe – yet.

For more on naked travel, check out P70 for our favourite breaks to enjoy in the buff.

Photos: Getty

NO GREAT RATES Holidaymakers are being given wildly different exchange rates for their travel money depending on where they live in the UK, a new report by consumer group Which? has found. Branches of Thomas Cook and the Post Office had the biggest regional differences. One example showed that when a customer exchanged £500 for euros in Thomas Cook’s Sheffield and Manchester branches, there was a difference of £25 between what was received in return. Both Thomas Cook and the Post Office said rates varied to allow them to compete with prices offered by local rivals.

Could these two be on their way to the Wicked Campers office?

BE A PRO BEACH BUM Fancy a job as a ‘beach reporter’, travelling the world in search of the best ever romantic beach escape? Incredibly, the gig could be yours if you get your skates on and apply this week. Travel specialist ebookers.com is looking for a couple to travel to Europe, the UAE and Egypt and sample all of the top beach hotels en route, reviewing them as official ebookers.com beach reporters.

Criteria that you’ll be required to test out include romance factor, service and location. So, if you’re mad about travel and each other, enter via Facebook by June 1. facebook.com/ebookers

GREECE LIGHTNING Holiday bookings to Greece are soaring in Britain, despite fears the euro is about to collapse. Travel agents are reporting bookings for all-inclusive breaks to the troubled nation have rocketed by a third in the last two weeks, as savvy travellers take advantage of slashed prices. Meanwhile, almost half of people polled

by Travelex said they do expect the euro to collapse in Greece this summer. The strength of the pound may have helped inspire the raft of new bookings, as the pound-to-euro exchange rate is currently at its best since 2008.

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Forage for food and shelter on a deserted Devon beach

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP WALES

Coastal survival

ENGLAND

DEVON, ENGLAND Lyme Regis Poole

GETTING THERE Travel by train from London Waterloo to Axminster with South West Trains, from £20.50. The journey takes about three hours.

Coastal Survival School offers free transfers from the train station. southwesttrains.co.uk

Part of Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall’s empire, the River Cottage Deli & Canteen’s menu changes each day depending on what the local farms and fishing boats have brought in. Mains start from £8. rivercottage.net Situated under Corfe Castle, picture-perfect pub The Greyhound Inn offers fresh, local food, real ales and traditional ciders. Mains from £11.50. greyhoundcorfe.co.uk Loders Arms is a cosy 17th-century pub with a roaring log fire and seasonal food. Pints from £3.50. lodersarmsbridport.com Warm your cockles in traditional boozer The Harbour Inn. Pints from £3.40 (Church Street, Axmouth, tel. 01297 20371).

Bridge House Beaminster is a 13th-century B&B boasting oak beams, candlelight and fireplaces. Doubles from £126pn. (Prout Bridge, Beaminster, Dorset, tel. 01308 862200).

Where’s Tom Hanks when you need him? Below: yum, limpets for lunch

Someone is very proud of their shelter 64

With comfy beds, a wood burning stove, a dishwasher and free wifi, you and your mates can join civilisation again at Mazzard Farm. From £17.50pppn.

(East Hill, Ottery St Mary, tel. 01404 815492).

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UKTRIP

Trouble in paradise How would you cope as a castaway? Find out with a coastal survival course on the beaches of Devon

Photos: Cath Millman, Thinkstock

WORDS CATH MILLMAN

“The good thing about the beach is that there’s always plenty of protein around,” says Fraser, my guide, as he cuts a limpet from a rock with his blade. He inspects the grey gooey creature, and slices into its raw flesh. Flicking off any stray bits of sand and grit, he hands me a piece with a mischievous grin.

I take the measly offering without a second thought.

Having clambered over rocks, dug a shelter, built a fire from scratch and munched on numerous weeds and plants, I’m determined not to lose face now. Plus, I’m starving.

I smile back and pop the limpet in my mouth. It’s actually not that bad. To think people splash their cash on shellfish in posh restaurants when it’s right here for the taking.

I’m on a beach survival course on a strip of coastline in Devon dubbed by locals as the ‘secret beach’. So far, it’s been a pretty steep learning curve.

Fraser gives his students loads of practical information about the flora and fauna he finds, as well as the experience of roughing it and braving the elements.

“It’s a liberating experience, engaging with the wilderness,” he says. “Nature can provide everything you need: shelter, fire, water, and food. You just have to be prepared. If you like an adventure, you owe it to yourself to get some survival skills.”

A few miles from the pretty seaside town of Lyme Regis, we’re hardly in the wilderness, but, as Fraser explains, the skills we learn here can be used anywhere in the world.

“Making traps, finding wood, boiling water, foraging and putting up an emergency shelter are skills that can be used anywhere – you just need to have confidence and keep your wits about you,” he says.

Having trained with the Royal Marines and actually lived in the woods and on the beach for a while (he’s just one of those characters), Fraser knows what he’s talking about. He’s also a big foodie, and is always keen to apply his cooking skills to the ingredients he finds all around him. Survival students won’t be eating baked beans on his watch.

You can decide how hardcore you want the experience to be. If falling into a proper bed after a long day foraging or fishing is more appealing, no one will judge you for it. But there’s something pretty special about sleeping in a shelter you’ve built yourself.

Visitors who spend a few days learning the ropes go hunting with nets and traps, try their hand at spear fishing and even make their own tools. Crucially, everyone learns how to operate in a sustainable way and leave every site as they found it.

“It’s really important to respect your surroundings – you never know when you might need something again,” Fraser says. “Also, you may be in a situation where it’s not wise to leave any tracks.”

He looks up at the cliff face – he’s assessing the potential dangers around us all the time – and we make our way to

“

I pop the limpet in my mouth. It’s not bad

”

the woods. This is where we’ll set up camp, away from falling rocks and sheltered from the wind.

I follow his lead, plucking berries, seeds and leaves from the trees and bushes. Each one has its own distinct taste – one plant could pass for wasabi, something I regularly fork out for at the supermarket.

“We overlook all these things,” says Fraser, cutting more samples with his knife. “Take stinging nettles. They’re an antihistamine, they’re said to help arthritis, and they’re full of vitamins and protein. Now that’s what I call a super plant.”

Every step he takes is with great care, and he’s scanning everything around him for possible uses, tastes, and tools. For Fraser, this is a way of life, and anyone who wants to escape the daily grind and fend for themselves should join him on his adventure, if only for a couple of days. ❚

NEXT WEEK

Coastal Survival runs courses in Dorset, east Devon and northwest Wales. From £75pp. coastalsurvival.com

Derby: We test out the UK’s so-called best city for beer

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LATEDEALS

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Tour Vietnam for £1023pp with On the Go

DEAL OF THE WEEK THE FLOATING CITY

£229

Three nights in Venice with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

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EGYPT Two six-day Pharaoh’s Adventure tours are being offered for the price of one (£299) with On the Go (020 73711113; onthegotours.com). Taking the temple trail in Cairo and Luxor. Includes B&B accommodation, transportation and guides. Excludes flights. Departs July 24 and August 5.

KENYA, RWANDA, UGANDA A 16-day Gorillas, Chimps & Game Parks tour is £420pp (save 50 per cent) with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com).

Includes gorilla trek permit and most meals. Excludes flights and trip kitty of US$1230 (about £786). Book by June 9; departs June 16.

MAJORCA A seven-night stay in Majorca is £482pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271).

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> £500 THAILAND Six nights in Bangkok is £599pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

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VIETNAM & CAMBODIA A 15-day tour is £1023pp (save 20 per cent) with On the Go (020 73711113; onthegotours.com). Includes fourstar, B&B accommodation, some meals, transportation and guides. Excludes flights. Departs July 21.

MALAYSIA A 10-night trip to Kuala Lumpur and Penang is £899pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting reference 2347683. Includes return international and internal flights, three nights’ accommodation in Kuala Lumpur and seven nights’ accommodation in Penang. Book by June 30; valid for travel throughout September 2012.

WELCOME TO MONTENEGRO AND MONTENEGRO HOSTEL ACCOMMODATION!

Montenegro Hostel Kotor

Center of The Old Town Kotor 50 beds in dorms, 20 beds in privates, 30 beds in apartments

Montenegro Hostel Budva

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Center of The Old Town Budva 25 beds in dorms, 5 beds in privates (all dorms and private rooms are ensuite)

€13 to €25 per bed All rooms have AC, free Wi-Fi, free use of kitchen & computers and much more!

www.montenegrohostel.com TEL: + 382 69 039 751 montenegrohostel@gmail.com

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

PRAGUE Three nights in Prague is £199pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and flights from London Gatwick.

Departs June 16.

GRAN CANARIA Seven nights in Gran Canaria is £170pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, selfcatering accommodation and flights from London Stansted. Departs June 13.

CORFU Seven nights in Kassiopi is £247pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation and flights from London Stansted. Departs June 13.

AMSTERDAM Two nights in Amsterdam is £250pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and flights from London Southend. Departs June 26.

KRAKOW Two nights is £141pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes three-star, room-only accommodation and flights from London Gatwick. Departs June 12.

MADRID Two nights in Madrid is £184pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes B&B accommodation and flights from London Luton. Departs on June 12.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: The hook Photographs can be an extremely satisfying way of getting your point across creatively. When choosing your subject and composing your shot, seek out ‘the hook’ – the object or subject in a photograph that jumps out and grabs people’s attention. It is the rare detail that rises from

the scene to pull the viewer into the image. The subject can be powerful, and often it’s the unusual, accidental or humorous quality that locks people in. It could be a tiny detail or something huge. The point is to keep your eyes peeled for the quirk that will take your image to the next level.

WINNER TICKETS PLEASE Bearskin, Australia

WHY IT WORKS The bus sits abandoned and left to decay in the foreground of the Kosovan snow-capped mountain. The surrounding scenery invokes a feeling that this patch of grass should be more graceful than it actually is. The detritus of plastic bottles and litter that covers the land is an indicator this place has been forgotten.

No one lives here; it is only a transient space where people prepare to pass the border into Albania.

RUNNER-UP PETRA Ruchi Sheoran, Australia

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS Rather than the great ancient ruins for which Petra is famous for, we are treated to a view of the rugged landscape, untouched by human hands and shaped by the winds and sands over many years. This is a different kind of ancient ruin to be marvelled in equal measure to the famous rose-red city.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

1

NAKED HOLIDAYS

@tntmagazine

NUDIST BEACHES, EUROPE

London’s recent heatwave has us all hot and bothered and gagging to strip off. We started thinking about how best to perfect our all-over tan – and the answer is our top five naked holidays.

Europe has a bunch of great beaches for baring all, which means a knockout nakation is never far away.

Top of the list is Vera Playa in southeast Spain, with 2km of beach and seaside promenade for you to air your wares.

Considered the capital of Spain’s naturist scene, Vera Playa has a host of activities for you to enjoy sans clothes – think pedaloes and beach volleyball.

There are also plenty of bars and restaurants at which the patrons don’t need pants.

Croatia also has a surplus of sands on which to go starkers, including Valalta in Istria. Secluded coves, pretty olive groves and rolling vineyards make it a picturesque spot to disrobe, and you can enjoy going balls-out on a budget at the adjacent nudist campsite.

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There are plenty of knickerless nooks along Croatia’s Adriatic coastline, but if you want to make sure it’s officially OK to let it all sway, look for the ‘FKK’ signs. This stands for Freikörperkultur, German for ‘free body culture’.

Euronat in France is widely considered the cream of the continent’s crotchless crop, a resort that varies between shady pine forest and sundrenched gold beaches. On the Atlantic coast in the southwest, it also offers camping, and probably has the most laidback, wholesome atmosphere of the lot.

Finally, the Canary Islands are always a good bet for a naked holiday, as the year-round sun should ensure nothing shrivels. Try Playa de Maspalomas in southern Gran Canaria, near the pumping resort of Playa del Ingles.

Sweeping sets of sand dunes help hide your immodesty. veraplaya.info

valalta.hr

euronat.fr

playademaspalomas.com

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NAKED HOLIDAYS

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NAKED GOLF, FRANCE

The La Jenny naturist reserve in southwest France’s Gironde region offers what might just be the continent’s only go-nude golf course, with six holes to put your balls in.

If you’re a nude-golf novice, you can take advantage of private or group lessons on the green, which help crowds of swingers get to grips with their sticks.

La Jenny has a strict ‘nudity is not an option!’ policy – it’s a requirement. lajenny.fr

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

4

NAKED SAUNA, FINLAND

We’ve picked a naked sauna experience from a country that loves getting steamy more than most.

In Finland, there’s one sauna for about every three Finns, with the country boasting 1.8 million in total.

Try the Kotiharjun sauna in Helsinki for the ultimate in getting sweaty with 30 naked strangers (swimwear is forbidden). Kotiharjun retains its original Twenties architecture, and is the city’s only sauna to still be heated by a wood burner. kotiharjunsauna.fi

3

NAKED SCUBA DIVING

Life’s a beach

Buff Divers is a travel club especially tailored to those who like to let their dive equipment hang out.

The company even holds the world record for the largest group of naked folk to go scuba diving – 72 of Buff’s bare-arsed water babies took to the seas around the Turks and Caicos Islands in 2001.

Buff’s trips visit some of the world’s best dive sites, around the likes of the Bahamas and the Caymans. buffdivers.org

5

NAKED SAILING, CARIBBEAN

Get the sea breeze between your bits on a naked yacht sailing trip, cruising around the Caribbean completely nude with specialists In the Wild World Wide Yacht Charters.

You can choose to charter your own yacht, book a cabin to share a trip with other naturist singles and couples, or even board a swingers charter around the Virgin Islands (seriously, we couldn’t make this up).

So hit the high seas and enjoy the sun on your buns, naked sailors!

TOLCARNE BEACH APARTMENTS OVERVIEW Wake up to the ocean in Newquay at these four-star apartments. Set overlooking the privately owned Tolcarne Beach (you could almost leap off the balcony and land on the sand), these spacious lodgings are bright, airy and have everything, including all the mod cons, you need for a relaxing seaside stay.

WOW FACTOR Newquay is regarded as the UK’s surf capital and Tolcarne throws up consistent waves all year.

If you can wake up and be on the beach in seconds, life is almost too good. There’s the superb Kahuna bar and restaurant, a one-minute walk away, where you can unwind after a satisfying day of sun, sand and sea. If you’re on a budget, there’s a variety of surf shacks to rent.

ROOMS Full of light and soundtracked by the ocean.

BILL PLEASE A two-bedroom apartment from £100pn (sleeps four) and surf shacks from £60pn (sleeps four).

Narrowcliff Rd, Newquay, TR7 2QN tolcarnebeach.com Travel from London Paddington to Newquay from £47.50 return with First Great Western firstgreatwestern.co.uk

inthewild.org

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TRAVELTIPS

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Cambodia’s temples of Angkor, such as Ta Phrom (pictured here), deserve a few days of exploring

WIN

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free Wi-Fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

are the top sights to see in Q What Cambodia? I’m planning a trip and don’t want to miss anything out.

Rebecca Milford, via Facebook

the current political changes, Q Given how advisable is it to visit Burma, and what restrictions are imposed on visitors?

Maria, via email (Burma) is receiving a relatively A Myanmar significant increase in visitor numbers

are the most obvious sights to mention, the best known being the world’s largest religious building, Angkor Wat, a stunning ancient Hindu temple. However, there is far more to explore, with such a variety of temples that you could spend at least three days in the area.

To get to the heart of Cambodia, you should visit the booming capital of Phnom Penh. This cosmopolitan city is a great stop for shopping, cafe culture and, most importantly, history lessons. Phnom Penh is home to both the National Museum and the harrowing Tuol Sleng prison, essential stops for understanding the sad but important history of the country and the Khmer Rouge regime.

The beaches of Sihanoukville in the south are great for backpacker-style bungalows and a laidback vibe. To see traditional rural life in Cambodia, head out to the floating villages of Chong Kneas. A great scenic river trip is from Siem Reap to the town of Battambang in the northwest, and you can view the floating villages en route (five to nine hours depending on the season, about £13). You should note that travel to Preah Vihear (Khaoi Pra Viharn in Thai) and the Ta Krabey/ Ta Moan temple areas near to the Thai border is advised against due to unrest.

since the National League for Democracy (NLD) withdrew its advice to boycott tourism. However, there are still a large number of considerations for those who wish to travel to Myanmar, as there is a danger that travellers’ money could contribute to funding the military-controlled government. You should choose how and where you travel carefully, as how you spend your money will affect the lives of the local people.

Simple tips include avoiding organised tours and package trips booked within Myanmar, as more money will go to the government with this type of travel, and spreading your money by spending at different sources for your travel needs, such as using different hotels and taxis.

Whether to visit Myanmar is something that everyone has to decide for themselves.

Independent travel in Myanmar can create jobs, help locals have contact with the outside world and you can travel with the majority of your money going into the local economy. However, it is impossible to visit without some of your money going to the government (a tax of at least 10 per cent reaches it no matter which accommodation you choose) and international tourism can be viewed as a stamp of approval for the current regime.

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THE GIFT OF GIVING Travelling to Africa? For token gifts, the children love bubble mixture and also hand/ body creams. Especially as their skin can be dry due to the harsh weather conditions.

Joanna, via email Just to add to that, suncream makes a great gift, too, and provides children with really important protection.

– Travel Ed

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

WIN

Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Getty

could go on for pages, but I will do my A Ibest to keep it short. The temples at Angkor

DAM CHEAP TIP Tip for Amsterdam: don’t OF THE pay €36 (about £28) for WEEK a tour bus out to see the tulips and windmills, take the number 91 bus from the train station for a return ticket that costs only €7 (about £5.50)! Entry into windmills etc is free!

Alexandra Reeson, via Facebook

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

SORBA SLIDES, VALSESIA, ITALY Andrew Lodge, from New Zealand

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

CHARLOTTE WADE, 22

GEOFF LANG, 32

London, England

London, England

BEST When I was in a crowded bar in Ibiza, my friend and I jumped on top of the stage with the DJ. It took about five minutes for the bouncer to kick us off, but it was the best five minutes of the trip.

WORST I went on a school trip to Belgium and our teacher left us at a train station. He got on the next train, completely forgetting all of his students. It wasn’t until an hour and a half later that we finally found him. We were all so scared.

Most surprising travel experience?

I went to Cancun, Mexico, expecting to be bombarded with tourists. Instead I met wonderful locals with a rich Mayan heritage.

Scariest travel experience?

I was almost mugged while travelling by a man who walked up to me with a knife, but my brother and I talked him out of it.

Ever eaten anything weird abroad?

I tried boiled octopus curry along the coast of the Indian Ocean. It was very chewy, and isn’t something I would eat every day.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT

SPLASHING OUT

CALIFORNIA: BEER AND BURGERS Now this sounds like our kind of tour.

G Adventures has just launched a ‘Best Microbreweries, Burgers and Food Trucks’ trip to California, including a visit to the state’s beer festival in San Diego.

The eight-day tour costs £1049pp with G Adventures. Departs September 12. Price excludes flights. gadventures.com

THE INSIDER

AARON DAVIS Operator, Japan Intrepid Travel

My first ever big trip was four months travelling around the Middle East immediately after university. I had my final exam on a Thursday morning and that afternoon I flew to Kuwait.

In those days – 1993 – there were only two hotels in Dubai!

I explored the UAE, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Oman and the Yemen. I was curious to see somewhere less travelled.

My favourite place in the world is Grampians National Park in Victoria, Australia. It’s where I grew up, where I learned to ride a mountain bike, kayak, trail run and enjoy nature up close.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is Sabah. I’m taking the kids so that they can experience Mount Kinabalu, the orangutans, sea turtles and local villages. There’s no better classroom than the amazing world we live in; experiencing it is much better than learning about it from a text book.

My guilty travel pleasure is that I always head out early in the morning for a wild discovery run.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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[Caption]playground: the French Ardennes, with the River Meuse Personal

Ardennes FRANCE

Calais

BELGIUM

Charleville-Mézières

PARIS

FRANCE

Try your hand at archery.

Right: A Woinic welcome 74

GETTING THERE Take the ferry from Dover to Calais, from £49 return pandoferries.co.uk; or the Eurostar to Paris, from £69 return .eurostar.com. The Ardennes is a three-hour and two-hour drive from these respectively.

La [Caption] Place Ducale for cured meats, pastries and beer

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Choose your own adventure This picturesque pocket of France is yours to discover, whether it’s a taste of the simple life or high-wire action you’re after WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

The French Ardennes is a curious region of contradictions: an area on the border with neighbouring Belgium, it has been subject to conflict throughout the ages; man’s tumultous existence leaving an indelible mark through various war memorials, battle sites and fortified towns.

It is also home to tranquil surrounds and makes for a fine destination to ‘get away from it all’. But then this sort of variation is exactly what you’d expect from a region that consists of rolling fields and countryside to the south, the forested slopes of the Meuse Valley in the north, and is surrounded by mountains and ridges custom-built for action.

The result is your own playground, unspoilt by the identikit traverses of the tourist routes. In short, the Ardennes is ripe to explore as you see fit, with hikes, horse riding, archery, biking – whatever you like.

My travel buddy and I decide to give ourselves a taste of both – the gentle and the adventurous. With some stomachflipping antics already booked for the latter part of our journey, we decide to start slow. Arriving in the south, we absorb the sun-kissed scenery, passing by the 10m-high boar monument Woinic (he took artist Eric Sleziak 11 years to create and welcomes visitors to the Ardennes on the A34).

Our destination is the quiet Signy L’Abbaye, a farming village built around a traditional square that acts as our host for the evening. We enjoy a drink (or three) at the local bar Le Gibergeon, specialising in its own home-brewed cider, before a locally sourced dinner at restaurant Auberge de l’Abbaye. The meal introduces us to French cuisine: if an Englishman’s home is his castle, then a Frenchman’s focus is what’s on his plate, and they will not settle for second best.

The next day we set out – after a somewhat predictable and farcical moment of “you’re driving on the wrong side of the road!” – to visit Charleville-Mézières, the Ardennes’ main town. Built around a square, La Place Ducale, it comprises 27 houses with golden roofs (in colour, not material), and was the work of 17th-century Duke Charles I Gonzague, who wanted to build his own town to rival nearby Reims, and so did exactly that.

Today, the square, which was a forerunner to Paris’ Place Des Vosges, plays host to The Festival of Brotherhoods, honouring local artisans from both sides of the national border, with all manner of local produce – beers, cured meats, delicate pastries and desserts – on offer. Naturally, we

sample the Ardwen beer (as good as you’d expect this close to Belgium) and tuck into some sausages in the festival tent.

As the booze begins to flow, so too does the dancing.

Our evening destination is Sedan, our lodgings a hotel built inside the town castle. Offering novel slumber, as well as tours through the castle’s grizzly past, it boasts spectacular views of the underlying town and beyond.

We set out on foot the following morning in search of some vantage points in Monthermé, the steep hills of the

“

It’s a curious region of contradictions

”

Meuse Valley offering challenging inclines which are more than rewarded by the stunning vistas from the top. Our afternoon at the Terraltitude adventure park takes things up a notch, with a zip wire from one side of the valley to the other. Launching from a perch at the top of the tree line, I whizz through the sky, above the river, and all beneath. ››

Fly over the Ardennes at Terraltitude TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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It’s a unique vantage point from which to admire the views, but not one for the vertiginously challenged (so too the park’s bungee jump, as we firmly decide only after having experienced the earth racing towards us with just a stretch of elastic to halt our rapid, groundward descent).

For those with yet more energy, set in the beatific location in the bend of the river is Haybes, a popular pit stop for biking tours, and one of the more northern stops on the Green Route, an off-road trail from Charleville through the region.

With the French presidential election result gripping the nation that evening, the contrast between outgoing conservative Sarkozy and incoming socialist Hollande reminds us of the contrasts here, too: the Ardennes is home to the traditional as well as the contemporary, the retrospective as much as the escapist. With a ferry crossing and a couple of hours drive being all that distances it from London, the diverse options mean you can make of a trip to the Ardennes what you want – and, better, you don’t even have to decide until you get there. ❚ For more information on the Ardennes visit gb.ardennes.com More on activities at Terraltitude at terraltitude.com

The countryside begs for biking tours

NEXT WEEK Two-headed lambs?

Europe’s most bizarre museums

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

L’Echiquier in Sedan offers traditional food, a variety of meat and fish dishes, and for those keen for something that might challenge their taste buds, there are other options, too – snails, anyone? Mains from £9.50. l-echiquier.com

L’Atelier in Sedan is a charming family-run restaurant, with a menu chock-full of French cuisine specialities. It’s nothing too swanky, but decent food for a decent price, with a warm and welcoming interior and staff. Mains from £12.

9 Place Harcourt, 08200 Sedan.

La Clef Des Champs, in CharlevilleMézières, offers local dishes and traditional dishes, such as a saddle of wood pigeon, marbled goose liver and sea bass. There’s a choice of set menus from £28 to £52, as well as an introductory (read: cheapest) ‘traditional’ menu, from £18. laclefdeschamps.fr

DRINK

Le Gibergeon is a hotel and restaurant in Signy L’Abbaye, with a fantastically local-feeling bar. With top wines and beers on offer, it is best to sample the locally sourced cider, which is made on site. Drinks from £2. hotel-restaurant.gibergeon.fr

Bar a Vin Le Concept is the perfect place if you want to settle down and sample some regional red wine.

On the cusp of the Place Ducale in Charleville-Mézières, you can sample local tipples, some vintage reds, and the odd champagne, too. Drinks from £3.50. vins-et-tourisme-en-france.fr

Au Roy de la Bière in Sedan is a quirky establishment, ideal for taking in a late-night drink. It’s popular with locals and you’ll find the town’s young and trendy here, indie music on the jukebox, pool tables aplenty, and even an English red phone box. Why? We’re not sure; we asked, they didn’t know.

Drinks from £4.50. ratebeer.com

SLEEP

The Auberge De l’Abbaye is a quaint hotel in the town of Signy L’Abbaye. With a handful of rooms, it places a focus on quality, with the largest including a balcony and adjacent spare twin room. The restaurant sources its food locally, too. Rooms from £37pn. auberge-de-labbaye.com

Le Saint Hubert in Haybes is an old townhouse converted into a wonderful hotel, with rooms available from £42pn. They may be on the small side, but have some awesome views, and serve as a fantastic stop-off point on the Green Route. hotel-en-ardennes.com

Le Château Fort Sedan sits majestically atop the hills overlooking the town of Sedan. Entering through a pathway in the castle’s exterior walls, the feeling is akin to a royal arrival, and the luxurious rooms in a most eye-catching location make this a trip-topping destination.

From £75pn. chateau-fort-sedan.federal-hotel.com

Photos: TNT, Getty, Thinkstock

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BUDGET

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Top Turkey This is Istanbul in 48 hours WORDS RUTH FLETCHER

DAY 1: 08:00 Start your day with one of the most famous sights of Istanbul, The Blue Mosque (bluemosque.co/).

Nicknamed because of its 20,000 handmade blue Iznik tiles, its proper title is the Sultan Ahmed mosque. With six towering minarets, this historic building took seven years to build, and was finally completed in 1616. Morning visits are best to avoid limited access during the five daily prayer times.

10:00 From here, it’s a short 10-minute walk to Topkapi Palace (topkapipalace.com), the primary residence of Ottoman sultans for 400 years. At its peak, the palace was home to some 4000 people. The gorgeous architecture and interiors, not to mention the colourful stories played out in the grounds over history, could keep you here for days.

14:00 However, there’s so much more to see, and no doubt you’re hungry. For lunch, find a table on the patio outside Metropolis Restaurant (metropolisrestaurant.net), a haven for traditional Turkish and Ottoman delights in the heart of historical neighbourhood Sultanahmet. Try a mezze platter for a varied taste experience, or go for the grilled kebabs, finishing off with sweet baklava for dessert.

15:00 One of the best places to experience a real Turkish bath is Cag˘alog˘lu Hamami (cagalogluhamami.com).

Situated in the historic quarter, it was built in 1741 and was the last hamam to be built during the Ottoman Empire.

Taking a bath the Turk way isn’t exactly relaxing – it involves lots of sweating and being slapped into a lather by giant, naked ‘masseuses’ – but it is one hell of a story to take home.

It can be quite expensive so make sure you discuss what you want with the receptionist before you begin, and be sure to 78

sample some traditional apple tea and a nargileh (or water pipe) to wind down afterwards.

17:00 The 4000 shops and stalls in the 15th-century Grand Bazaar (grand-bazaar.com) make a great place to lose yourself among local sights and smells. With 58 winding streets and masses of men trying to sell you a carpet, it’s brilliant bedlam, but haggle hard to avoid getting ripped off.

19:00 Begin your evening by heading across town to the award-winning 360Istanbul (360istanbul.com) bar.

Perched in the penthouse of a 19th-century apartment building, it offers a breathtaking 360˚ view across Istanbul’s cityscape, plus ritzy cocktails and international cuisine ranging from grilled octopus shish to slow roast cherry duck (mains from about £15).

21:00 Stay lubricated at Sultana’s (sultanas-nights.com), which offers cheesy music and beautiful belly dancers to keep you entertained long into the night. For something a little more chic, Reina’s (reina.com.tr) gorgeous setting on the banks of the Bosphorous is popular with the young and trendy party-goers of Istanbul.

03:00 Sleep at Sumo Cat Hostel (sumocathostel.com).

This boutique location is surrounded by cafes, art galleries and shopping, and is a two-minute walk from Istıklal Street, lined with plenty of pumping nightspots should to continue the party. Dorms from £13pn.

DAY 2: 10:00 Wake yourself up with the best coffee in Turkey. Ethem Tezçakar Kahveci (Halicilar Sokak, Grand Bazaar) is run by a fourth-generation Grand Bazaar coffee shop owner, Bekir Tezçakar. Near ‘Rug Street’ within the

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Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

In a lather: get scrubbed silly at a traditional Turkish bath

Grand Bazaar, the tiny interior can squeeze in no more than four people, but is well worth it.

11:30 Another of Istanbul’s most famous sights is the Hagia Sophia (hagiasophia.com). A former Orthodox cathedral, later a mosque, and now a museum, seeing it in its full architectural glory is a must for any visitor to the city.

14:00 Lunch at Meze by Lemon Tree (mezze.com.tr), named as one of Istanbul’s top 10 restaurants. With mouthwatering meat dishes and a terrifyingly large selection of raki (the national evil, aniseed-tasting spirit), it should revive you. Mains from £10.

15:30 Silahtarag˘a Power Plant (santralistanbul.org) is probably Istanbul’s most interesting cultural space. The city’s sole provider of electricity between 1914 and 1952, it was decommissioned in 1983 and reinvented as a centre for the arts in 2007. See the website for full listings of current exhibits.

17:00 If the warm climate is taking its toll, go for a walk around the Magic Ice Museum of Istanbul (magicice. com.tr). At -5˚C, 1400sqm across and containing 70 tonnes of imported ice, it’s bound to cool you down. Entrance costs about £9.

20:00 End the weekend at Arkaoda (arkaoda.com/eng), a hip bar in the heart of the city’s alternative scene, Kadife Sokak. Bands, DJ sets and contemporary art make a great offbeat close to your time in unusual Istanbul.

Return direct flights to Istanbul’s Ataturk airport from London Heathrow start from £165 with AnadoluJet anadolujet.com

Colourful chaos: the Grand Bazaar is shopping bedlam

And relax: an apple tea and a nargileh take the edge off TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Mancora PERU

ECUADOR

Mancora

PERU BRAZIL

LIMA

GETTING THERE KLM flies to Lima from London Heathrow daily, starting at £548 return. From Lima, you can fly toXXXX Mancora with LAN airlines for £80 one-way, or take the 19-hour bus journey on Oltursa for £65 return. klm.com lan.com oltursa.pe

Xxxxxxxxx

MAP

GETTING THERE Xxxxxxxxx

REQUEST PLEASE!

[Caption] surfers including Sophie Mulanovich rate Mancora as world-class Champion 80

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BIGTRIP

Surfing and shamans In northern Peru, we catch world-class barrels and try Amazonian hallucinogen ayahuasca with holy men. It’s quite the trip ...

WORDS JENNIFER CARR

WHEN TO GO: Visit in April-September to ensure the I’m tired. Dog tired. So tired, in fact, I think One man who helps serious surfers (and longest waves and most reliable I’ll either break into delirious laughter or mere amateurs, like myself) discover the southwestern swell. a torrent of tears. I’ve travelled 19 hours best coastal spots is Marco ‘Pulpo’ Ravizza, on a bus from Lima and slept less than two, a longtime surfer and tour guide whose CURRENCY: £1 = PEN4.22 due to the unfortunate reality that screaming (Peruvian Nuevo Sol) specialist Octopus Surf Tours delivers the babies aren’t banned on Peruvian transport. ultimate ‘off the beaten wave’ extravaganza.

ACCOMMODATION: The As such, my humour was lost some time His trick, he tells me, is superior satellite ultimate place to party, socialise ago on Peru’s dusty Pan Americana highway forecasting for up-to-the-minute information and lose sleep (and liver function), – the only accessible route north into the on breaking swells and tidal shifts. But from a night at Loki Hostel comes with province of Piura. But enough whining. From Marco’s twinkly stare and obsession with the a free ‘continental’ breakfast (be the minute I survey dawn’s pink sunbeams sea, I’m guessing it’s also a lifetime’s worth of warned, this is a white bread roll). bouncing off the ocean, my faith in coming Dorms from £6pn. lokihostel.com intuition that lets him read the ocean like a here is instantly restored. second language.

For more laidback travellers, great ‘Here’ is Mancora, 1165km north from Day one is a trip to Lobitos, a good allstaff and a damn fine pisco sour, try the Peruvian capital of Lima, and considered round ‘warm up’ beach some 40km north of Kokopelli Hostel at the same price. the epicentre of the country’s surf scene.

Mancora heading towards the large coastal hostelkokopelli.com Receiving two ocean currents year round, the city of Piura. Boasting an impressive sand SEE: visitperu.com cold Humboldt Current (14-19˚C) and warm reef break with long lefts, these year-round El Nino Current (21-27˚C), the resulting surf is reliable and waves can reach 3m (10ft), so a good technique and strong comfortable. In nearby Chicama, sets of waves in excess of paddle is essential. I’ve got the latter, not the former, so 4km long are created thanks to forceful southwestern swells Marco pairs me with one of his ‘personal surf trainers’ to that push through the Pacific – that’s up to five minutes of help me better master my board. Having surfed since the continuous surf time. Strangely, though, this area remains tender age of 12, Carlos, a sunbeaten 28-year-old local, is the largely off the international surf radar, even though it’s ripped by-product of somebody who regularly spends nine hosted some of the world’s best surfing talent in the past hours a day in the water. “One big mistake is catching the 30 years, including 2004 female World Champion Sofia first wave,” Carlos advises, as we paddle over to 10 bronzed Mulanovich, recent 2011 World Junior Champion Cristobal bodies who are floating in the ocean like a silent tribe. “If de Col and legendary 2008 Grand Masters World Champion you keep patient, the right wave will appear with your name Magoo de la Rosa, who firmly believes the waves here are on it.” I quickly grasp that it’s impossible to learn how to “some of the finest on the planet”. ‘read the ocean’ overnight, but gradually, as the sets form, The historic associations of Peru’s surfing culture run I notice the shift in power from the first wave to the fifth, deep. Many argue the birthplace of modern surfing lies in and observe how fellow board-straddlers hold back from the Hawaii, but scientific archaeology – the process of analysing earlier, deceptively strong waves until the one really worth and measuring salt erosion on ancient artifacts to enable fighting for presents itself. deeper understanding of how our ancestors lived – indicates Keeping a watchful eye over my posture, I’m told to tuck that it actually evolved on Peru’s northern Pacific coast in my tailbone in and go really low, like a snowboarder. It feels Huanchaco, where pre-Colombian cultures used reed boats, awkward (and great for my thighs). Like skiing, though, or caballitos de totora, to surf the waves. It’s still possible the closer to the ground and the further forward I lean, the better I own the board. A steady afternoon wind yields to see this mode of old-school fishing taking place here white horses from the south and indicates the arrival of some alongside semi-pro surfers, whose end game is not so much ›› impressively high waves. Carlos feels my fear, breathes catching fresh grouper as it is the ultimate barrel.

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The drugs do work: shamans use hallucinogens to cleanse a patient’s aura “muy tranquilo” in my ear and tells me to sit on my board and absorb the ocean’s energy instead.

Heading back to Mancora town that night, we drop into the charming La Sirena (Spanish for ‘The Mermaid’). It’s the perfect spot to satisfy the kind of gnawing hunger that comes from battling waves for six hours. Run by local surfer and gourmet chef Juan Chi, the menu is a voyage into Peru’s renowned gastronomy with plenty of atmosphere to boot.

I order a potent mango sour, then recline my aching biceps on to a retro red sofa in the cosy bar.

The next day, Marco drags me out of bed at 6am, bouncing off the walls from life – and caffeine? – and says: “I check with my friend. There’s huge tubes at Piscinas for two more hours. You like to see?” Racing the 4X4 back down the PanAmericana, we take the turning off for Lobitos, hit a dirt track, then a sand dune and head into a desolate military facility requiring ID for beach access. We breeze through to join the other surfers, who skillfully glide through the barrels like bronzed darts. Marco turns to me and says, simply: “I live the really good life.” I don’t doubt it.

The good life, as it transpires, also extends to Mancora’s reputation as a backpacker party town. Perfect for kicking back after a hard day’s wave chasing, the main street offers a plethora of bars, eateries and entertainment for those craving a little aprés surf. I soon learn the nucleus of the small town’s party scene is at Loki, a large backpacker joint where twentysomethings mingle for hijinks and themed party nights with a similarly fun-loving bunch of nomads.

Knocking back pisco slushies and dancing to cringeworthy Bon Jovi classics is fun (for a short time), and at 2am the party shifts gear as the hostel decamps down to the beach for ear-blasting reggaeton and a generous dose of Rihanna.

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I head home, however. For tomorrow is about a different kind of high; I’m off to visit Mancora’s resident shaman, Eloy.

Shamanism and the concept of healing the physical through a purification of the emotional is integral to Peru’s holistic identity. For thousands of years, shamans have been visited for their ability to help enhance an individual’s consciousness in order to heal a person from sickness, addiction and mental disturbances. The catalyst that drives this ‘awareness’ is a selection of highly hallucinogenic plants

The surf’s great around Peru’s fishing villages

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from the Amazon. In other words, shamans get people high.

But the difference between these guys and your average London dealer is the drug they use is legal (at least in Peru). That, and it’s taken as part of a carefully controlled ceremony, not before a warehouse rave.

Entering Eloy’s peaceful farmstead the next evening on the outskirts of Mancora, apprehension and nerves shake my need for control to the core. I took LSD once – involuntarily (my drink was spiked when I was 15 and I was still seeing Pac-Man floating in front of me 48 hours later). So it’s fair to say my hallucinogenic career was pretty short-lived. Still, reports from others who’ve used the experience to free themselves from addictions, poor lifestyle choices and ‘clean their aura’ propel me to trust in the power of nature and give myself over.

Strictly speaking, you should detox for at least a week prior to taking ayahuasca. This means no sugar, meat, dairy,

“

I took LSD once and saw Pac-Man for 48 hours

”

caffeine, alcohol or sex – stimulants are totally off the cards.

I avoid telling Eloy I was out drinking rum till the early hours the night before. Not that I need to; his calm, observant manner suggests he’s got me pegged the moment I walk through the door. I later discover Eloy is a sixth-generation shaman, learning from his father and other established shamans to the north of Mancora in the Piura highlands.

And so we begin. Local palo santo incense is lit and a pungent floral essence applied to my forehead and limbs.

I sit cross-legged in the lotus pose, the dimly lit room filled with pictures of saints, owls and a rather disturbing eagle that I swear is staring into my soul. Eloy sits two metres in front of me. We both drink a small half-cup of ayahuasca, then another, then one more. I wait. Over the next 30 minutes, the sounds that were so distracting to me before – the bees and bugs, the banging of a loose gate, the sound of the river gushing nearby – grow eerily quiet. Then I notice ›› Eloy has lowered his head and is breathing deeply into

Marco ‘Pulpo’ Ravizza

The Insider's guide Marco ‘Pulpo’ Ravizza is the owner of leading surf tour company Octopus Surf Tours. He gives us his pick of the region’s ultimate surf breaks and where to kick back after a hard day chasing the waves.

Pena Redonda (Round Rock) “This is a great barreling beach break with short lefts and rights. It can be tricky to catch good conditions, so arrive very early before the wind picks up. When there are no waves at any other break you will find a little rideable wave here, especially when there’s a strong southern swell.”

Punta Ballenas (Whale Point) “Close to Mancora town, Punta Ballenas offers a serious left-hand point break with a reef bottom. It’s shorter than Mancora but bigger and more aggressive, with the added bonus of throwing up the occasional tube. Don’t be under any illusions – this wave is intense and there may be a longer wait between sets than in Mancora. But it’s worth it. Take special care on the inside section, as there are jagged rocks that can catch you out if you’re not the strongest surfer. This is definitely a break for the more experienced.”

Cabo Blanco (White Cape) “My favourite, and arguably the best, wave in Peru.

This spectacular left reef break is strong, magical and tubular. Cabo Blanco is world-famous for its long, perfect tubes and I actually think it’s the perfect wave with heights up to 3m (10ft).

“Once the sun goes down I like to drop in and catch up with the local surf students at the laidback Kokopelli hostel, where a nightly happy hour means I can also enjoy a killer pisco sour for only 7 soles (£1.60). If I’m in the mood for serious food, my good friend Juan Chi at La Sirena always serves up a storm.”

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his diaphragm. Involuntarily, I do the same. He begins a slow, soft chant that rapidly grows into an arch of noise. Eloy has become my other, beside me, behind me, beneath me.

His energy is everywhere. I learn afterwards the chanting element of an ayahuasca ceremony is what helps people ‘come up’. It certainly works in my case; I’m flying all over the place and for an unknown time, I lose all sense of spacial awareness and can’t feel the ground.

For an hour, two hours, who knows? I watch the shaman, who hovers before me waving his hands in rhythmic circles.

“I see you as a television. I clean your static,” he announces, before guiding my hands upwards in a prayer position as the roof caves in and the entire garden – flowers, weeds, vines, butterflies and bees – soar through my fingers and make me gasp out loud. I’m then suddenly calm. The experience has been completely unique and that night, I feel totally at odds and disconnected from the party atmosphere of Mancora.

My reflections come thick and fast, with one I can offer you.

For those willing to ride the wave, Mancora’s experiences will doubtless take your breath away. ❚

The writer and, right, the ayahuasca brew

To book a bespoke surf tour with Marco visit octopussurftours.com From £500pp, with tours tailored to suit surf experience. Marco can also arrange an ayahuasca ceremony with Eloy on request.

The vine used to brew ayahuasca

TAKE A TRIP WHAT IS AYAHUASCA?

Traditional fishing boats, a precursor to surfing [Caption]

Photos: Octopus Surf Tours, Getty, Thinkstock, Jennifer Carr

Considered the most potent of all mother’s nature’s hallucinogens, ayahuasca is a mind-expanding brew blended from the Amazonian banisteriopsis vine and leaves of dimethyltryptamine, or DMT as it’s known in the West. It’s referred to by shamans as “the mother plant”, who believe it will protect and guide the user to the right point of awareness if taken correctly.

In the West, a lot of focus is given to the spiritual applications of ayahuasca, but Peruvians also advocate its medicinal properties. Ayahuasca affects the human consciousness for less than six hours, beginning half an hour after you drink it and peaking after two hours.

The remedy also has cardiovascular effects, moderately increasing both heart rate and blood pressure. Side effects can include extreme purging, such as vomiting or diarrhea.

Sensory modalities are nearly always stimulated and commonly, psychological introspection can invoke elation, fear, illumination or all three simultaneously.

The DMT that’s mixed with the Amazonian vine to create ayahuasca is considered a Schedule 1 drug by The Commentary on the Convention on Psychotropic Substances (the same as MDMA). However, the plants containing it are not subject to international control, so undergoing ayahuasca ceremonies in Peru is still currently possible.

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NEXT WEEK Salvador: AfroBrazilian rhythm and boob-shaped rocks Peruvian surf dudes

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Opening Week 4 July 6 DAYS £319

Closing Week 11 July 6 DAYS £299 CAMPING PAMPLONA

Mid Festival 8 July & Final Week 12 July 5 DAYS £219 HOSTEL SAN SEBASTIAN

Mid Festival 9 July & Final Week 12 July 4 DAYS £269

£114

Odyssey

plus site & museum entrance fees / local guide in Kalambaka, plus entrance fees for two monasteries

TNT_1501_travel.indd 93

DEPART LONDON CAMPING

SAVE UP TO

METEORA & DELPHI 2 DAYS £139 INCLUDES: 1 night accommodation (triple share) & breakfast/ local guide in Delphi,

08450 267 514

RUNNING OF THE BULLS, PAMPLONA SPAIN

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Plus More of Europe’s Top Festivals TOMATINA & OKTOBERFEST TNTMAGAZINE.COM

info@busabout.com

93

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we

europe

2011 TRIPLE AWARD WINNERS BEST EUROPEAN TOUR OPERATOR AS VOTED BY YOU

Eastern Europe Treks 10% * OFF

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£59

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SAVE UP TO

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7 DAYS (May-Sep) FROM £449

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STUDENTS NOW FROM £391 SPLIT TO PRAGUE

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INCLUSIONS:

Classic Balkan Trek

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8 nights accommodation and breakfasts, walking tour of Olomouc, Auschwitz and Birkenau guided tours, bike tour of Krakow, orientation walks of Zakopane and Split, entrance to the Plitvice National Park

INCLUSIONS:

Also Available

8 nights accommodation and breakfasts, 2 dinners, Gallipoli tour, orientation walks of Thessaloniki, Tirana and Budva

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4 DAY Mini

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* Valid on 2012 bookings.

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TEL: 08450 267 507 INFO@SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM TNT_1501_travel.indd 94

6 nights accommodation and breakfast, Belgrade walking tour, Mostar local guide, Sarajevo walking tour with tunnel entrance, Istanbul orientation walk

INCLUSIONS:

ATHENS TO SPLIT

7 DAY Rhapsody 3 DAY Mini

SAVE UP TO

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SAVE UP TO

WWW.SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM 1/6/12 09:34:20

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TRAVEL

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6

•

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(STUDENTS NOW £214)

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THE GREAT GLEN ADVENTURE 4 DAYS £395 (JUL - SEP) Fort William, Great Glen, Loch Ness & Inverness

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3 PEAKS CHALLENGE 6 DAYS £459 (DEPARTS EDINBURGH 18 JUN) Climb the highest mountains of Scotland, England and Wales with loads of time to explore the truly wild parts of the British Isles

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TNT_1501_travel.indd 95

95

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EGYPT

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CLASSIC EGYPT TOURS Pharaohs Adventure: 6 days King Tutankhamen: 9 days Egypt Unplugged: 10 days King Ramses: 13 days

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*Head online for exclusive offers including a limited 2 for 1 Egypt sale (ends 8 June)

RUSSIA Simply St, Petes: 4 days Voka Shot: 6 days Back in the USSR: 7 days Russian Revolution: 9 days

£249 £449 £649 £699

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£295 £345 £495 £645

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onthegotours.com 020 7371 1113 OTG DPS May 2012 indd 1 TNT_1501_travel.indd 96

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5096

TNT_1501_travel.indd 97

ABTA number W4479

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Competiton ends 30 June 2012. facebook.com/OnTheGoTours

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

97

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TNT_1501_travel.indd 98

1/6/12 09:34:35

TRAVEL

TNT_1501_travel.indd 99

1/6/12 09:34:40

awesome europe explore europe 2012 `M O FR

twin and double hotels all the way!

EUROPE escape 12 DAYS

9 4 £6 9 9 £7 9 9 £ 10 9 9 0 £1

7 COUNTRIES: ND, GERMANY, FRANCE, SWITZERLA

ITALY NETHERLANDS, VATICAN CITY, & BELGIUM d of £99 * Excludes compulsory food fun

M O FR

9 COUNTRIES: ITALY, VATICAN CITY,

FRANCE,MONACO, GERMANY, SWITZERLAND, NETHERLANDS, BELGIUM & SPAIN

13 COUNTRIES: ND, ITALY, VATICAN CITY, GREECE, FRANCE, SWITZERLA PUBLIC, 9 * Excludes compulsory food of £16

TS DEPARRDAM! AMSTE

F

£ TS DEPARON! LOND

ULTIMIEAS:TE EUROPE 26 DAYS 16 COUNTR ERLAND, ITALY, VATICAN CITY, SLOVENIA, FRANCE, SWITZ PUBLIC, NETHERLANDS,

ECH RE AUSTRIA, SLOVAKIA, CZ , SPAIN, MONACO, BELGIUM, RG OU MB XE LU IN, TE NS TE CH LIE HUNGARY & GERMANY 9 * Excludes compulsory food of £16

TS DEPARON! D LON

Plus another 8 great europe tours on the website!

Only 10% deposit required to secure your place!

Book early to get the cheapest prices and guarantee your dates!

TNT_1501_travel.indd 100

3 £5

£

FR

bEST OF EUROPE 22 DAYS , CZECH RE SLOVENIA, AUSTRIA, SLOVAKIA & THE NETHERLANDS Y AR NG HU GERMANY, BELGIUM,

M O FR

TS DEPARON! LOND

EUROPE EXPLORER 17 DAYS d of £119 * Excludes compulsory food fun

M O R F

FRO

1/6/12 09:34:45

M O R F

no camping or sleeping bags needed on these tours!

EUROPEAN BLITZ 10 DAYS

9 5 £3 9 9 £5 9 9 £7 9 9 £5 9 9 £3

TRAVEL

e budget summer deals tours for 18-38's TS DEPARDAM! R E T AMS

ND, GERMANY,

SWITZERLA 6 COUNTRIES: FRLYAN&CEBE,LG IUM NETHERLANDS, ITA

d of £49 * Excludes compulsory food fun

N 15 DAYS EUROPEAN EXPEDLAITNDIO , GERMANY,

M O R F

TS DEPARRDAM! AMSTE

7 COUNTRIES: FRANCE, SWITZER LY & BELGIUM ITA NETHERLANDS, VATICAN CITY,

d of £79 * Excludes compulsory food fun

absolute EUROPNDE, GERMANY,24 DAYS

M O R F

TS DEPARON! D LON

SWITZERLA IN, 11 COUNTRIES: FRANCE, CITY, ITALY, AUSTRIA, LIECHTENSTE NETHERLANDS, VATICAN , BUDAPEST & SPAIN CZECH REPUBLIC, BELGIUM £129

d of * Excludes compulsory food fun

absolute eastern Y, AUSTR16IA, HUDNGAARYY,S

M O R F

TS DEPARE! ROM

ERLAND, GERMAN LGIUM. 10 COUNTRIES: ITALY, SWITZTH ERLANDS, LIECHTENSTEIN & BE SLOVAKIA, CZECH REPUBLIC, NE

d of £79 * Excludes compulsory food fun

M O FR

absolute western

12 DAYS TS DEPARON! D LON

4 COUNTRIES: FRANCE, SPAIN, ITALY & VATICAN CITY

d of £69 * Excludes compulsory food fun

e!

ůƐŽ͕ ŐƌĞĂƚ ĚĞĂůƐ ĨŽƌ ŽƵƌ ŽƚŚĞƌ ŐƌĞĂƚ ůŽĐĂƟŽŶƐ EGYPT, TURKEY, CROATIA, MALDIVES, SOUTH AFRICA & MOROCCO!

!

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM 101

or phone us on: +44(0)207 394 5232

TNT_1501_travel.indd 101

1/6/12 09:34:54

/wild/tnt www.topdeck.travel

call of

the wild!

20% OFF All Africa Trips Book by 30 June!

Africa with Topdeck?

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20 amazing itineraries from 7 to 58 days Overland travel by fully equipped safari trucks Small group sizes and EVERYONE is aged 18 to 39 National Park stays across Africa Spacious 2 person dome tents including foam mattresses

*Africa Promotion: Valid for new bookings only made 01/06/2012 to 30/06/2012 for travel between 15/10/2012 and 30/06/2013.

Topdeck reserves the right to withdraw this offer at any time. For full terms and conditions of travelling with Topdeck please see our website at www.topdeck.travel/wild20 *Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for speciďŹ c departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency ďŹ&#x201A;uctuations, depending when payment is made. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNT_1501_travel.indd 102

1/6/12 09:35:00

Oktoberfest

Edinburgh fringe festival & tattoo

L a st sea t H U R RY! s

4 DAY Make your own way Camping FROM

£109 5 DAY Prostmeister

Central hostel multi-share 24 -27 August 2012

Camping

ONLY

21-25 Sep, 28 Sep-2 Oct, 4-8 Oct

£279

FROM

£229

www.topdeck.travel/fringe/tnt

6 DAY Steinmeister

August bank holiday 4 DAYS Amsterdam

3 DAYS Brugge

August Bank Holiday

August Bank Holiday

24-27 June 2012

24 -27 June 2012

ONLY

ONLY

£249

£229

EUROPE

20 -25 Sep, 27 Sep-2 Oct, 3-8 Oct

FROM

£249 7 DAY Grossmeister Camping Our campsite atmosphere is second to none.

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21-27 Sep, 28 Sep - 4 Oct, 3 -9 Oct

FROM

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www.topdeck.travel/oktoberfest/tnt

20% OFF!

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16 DAY Gondolas Go North

36 DAY European Pioneer

Dep. 10 Jul & 19 Aug 2012 Includes Rome, Prague, Berlin, Amsterdam, plus more!

Dep. 9 Aug 2012 Includes Swiss Alps, Venice, Mykonos, Budapest, plus more!

WAS £1520

WAS £2770 NOW

Camping

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www.topdeck.travel/bank/tnt

NOW

ll wee ke n d s

21 - 24 Sep, 28 Sep - 1 Oct, 4 - 7 Oct

4 DAYS Edinburgh Fringe Festival & Tattoo

£1215

A

of the B u

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TRAVEL

FESTIVALS

& SHORT BREAKS

PAMPLO N

R u n n ing

£2305

Includes £450 food fund

Dep. 19 & 26 Jul 2012 Includes French Riviera, Vienna, Munich, Berlin, plus more!

NOW

WAS £1280

£1070

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ct s.

22 DAY Europe Uncovered Dep. 3 jul 2012 Includes Paris, Rome, Pag Island, Salzburg, Brugge, plus more!

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22 DAY Europe Unplugged

£1800

CALL 0845 257 5210 TNT_1501_travel.indd 103

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TRAVEL

Travelling to Europe on a Walkabout?

Cover valid throughout EU and other countries* Cover available for Campers including Vans Cover for periods ranging from 15 days to 1 year No permanent address needed, documents can be emailed Overseas driving licence acceptable *for more detailed information visit

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104 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TNT_1501_travel.indd 104

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TRAVEL

OKTOBERFEST

LA TOMATINA THE WORLD’S BIGGEST FOOD FIGHT! ■ Ibiza + La Tom Combos pre or post-La Tom ■ Barca + Ibiza + La Tom 23-30 AUG ■ Barca + La Tomatina 25-30 AUG ■ 4 Days Beach Camping 27-30 AUG ■ 4 Days Valencia Hostel 27-30 AUG ■ 3 Days Valencia Hotel 28-30 AUG

fr£379 £449 £259 £149 fr£189 £169

PALIO SIENA ITALY’S CRAZY 350 YEAR OLD FESTIVAL ■ Hostel Package 14-17 AUG £149 ✔ Florence ✔ Pisa ✔ Siena ✔ Coach transfers

■ All Italia Rome to Pisa ■ Palio to La Tom Odyssey

13-22 AUG 13-30 AUG

£529 £989

CROATIA CATEGORY A & A+ BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! JUN-SEP fr£439 ■ 7 NIGHTS WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac ■ CAT A+: JUN £439 JUL fr£519 AUG fr£479 SEP £479 ■ CAT A: JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 GREEK

ISLANDS

GREEK ISLANDS

GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER ■ 9 Days £399 ■ 11 Days £489 Tours start in Athens every Sat JUL-AUG ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Paros ✔ Athens ✔ High speed ferries ✔ Breakfasts ✔ Fanatics Tour Rep ✔ Parties

CIAO ITALIA CHECK OUT THE BEST ITALY HAS TO OFFER! ■ 7 Days JUN-AUG £349

✔ Weekly departures ✔ Express train travel ✔ Rome ✔ Florence ✔ Cinque Terre ✔ Pisa ✔ Venice ✔ Milan

BEERFEST IN MUNICH! 21 SEP-8 OCT Choice of Munich’s BEST hostels, hotel & #1 party campsite!

■ Prague + Buda Fest 8 Days fr£329 ✔ Prague ✔ Budapest ✔ Salzburg / Vienna Thu-Tue fr£219 ■ 6 Days Coach Tours ✔ Return coach from London ✔ Camping or hostel Fri-Mon fr£129 ■ 4 Days Camping ✔ Twin or single tents ✔ Coach shuttles Fri-Mon fr£179 ■ 4 Days Hostel ✔ Choice of Munich’s top hostels Fri-Mon £329 ■ 4 Days Hotel ✔ Munich’s #1 Oktoberfest hotel!

Mid week camping & hostel options also available fr£99!

PAMPLONA THE INCREDIBLE RUNNING OF THE BULLS! ■ 4 Days Pamps/San Seb Camping 4-15 JUL ■ Italy-Barcelona-Pamps 26 JUN-8 JUL ■ Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL ■ Pamplona + Ibiza Combo 5-11 JUL ■ San Sebastian + Pamps 3-8 or 5-10 JUL ■ Coach Tours Depart London 3 or 4 JUL fr£289 ■ 4 Days San Sebastian Hostel 5-8 JUL £279 ■ 4 Days Pamplona Hotel 5-8 JUL £349

£169 £779 £359 £399 £249

SKIFEST JOIN US FOR A MASSIVE WHITE XMAS & NYE AT THE FRENCH ALP’S BEST RESORTS! 21 DEC-1 JAN £749 ■ Skifest Xmas + Paris NYE ■ Xmas Coach Tour 21-29 DEC £599 ■ Xmas Flight Tour 23-30 DEC £699 ■ NYE Coach Tour 28 DEC-5 JAN £599 ✔ Accom on-piste ✔ Ski/snowboard hire ✔ 6 Day skiing

ROYAL ASCOT DON’T MISS BLACK CAVIAR’S EUROPEAN DEBUT! ■ Diamond Jubilee Day SAT 23 JUN £59 ✔ Coach Day Trip ✔ Silver Ring Ticket

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM 105

TNT_1501_travel.indd 105

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TRAVEL

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS WEEKEND BREAKS PARIS BY EUROSTAR

from

THJIHJRWHJRLYZ JVT

£225

15th, 22nd & 29th June 6th, 13th & 20th July. Return travel by Eurostar, 2 nights B&B accom, Tour Manager and plenty of free time to explore!

EDINBURGH BY RAIL

from

Tours

£170

Hostels Adventures

15th June, 13th July & 7th September. Return train travel, guided sightseeing tour with a local Scottish guide, 2 nights B&B hotel accom & Tour Manager

HOLLAND & BELGIUM

from

£171

22nd June, 20th July. Return coach & ferry travel, visit to Amsterdam & Brugge, B&B + dinner & free bar hotel accom.

T FESTIVAL ISLE OF WIGH SPORT, HOTEL, BREAKFAST &

THE genuine 3 day tour of Skye!* Departs Edinburgh Mondays and Fridays

22ND - 25TH JUNE TRAN DED! £20 OFF WEEKEND FESTIVAL TICKETS ARE INCLU booking. £379 but £20 off for TNT readers, just use the

promo code: TNTIOW when

DAY TRIPS ¸ Sat 9th June York from £45 ¸ Sun 10th June Leeds Castle & Rochester - Dickens Festival from £40 ¸ Sat 16th June A Day in Wales from £50 ¸ Sun 17th June Windsor & Hampton Court from £40 ¸ Sat 23rd June Cambridge from £32 ¸ Sun 24th June Cotswolds from £40

;OL Z[\Ɉ [OH[ SLNLUKZ HYL THKL VM Departs Edinburgh Saturdays

PLUS Stonehenge & Bath EVERYDAY. From £50 with entrances to Stonehenge & the Roman Baths included!

Oxford and Stratford EVERYDAY. From £45

www.andersontours.co.uk or call 0207 436 9304 Follow us @andersontours

The Ultimate Scottish Experience!

Departs Edinburgh Mondays

Anderson Tours is fully bonded

by Client Trust Account

Anderson Tours Travel Shop, 81 Charlotte Street, London W1T 4PP

Royal Ascot Grand Finale Day

The Highlands, and then some...

Departs Edinburgh Wednesdays

Saturday 23rd June

macbackpackers.com 0131 558 9900 MacBackpackersTours

ONLY £69pp

TOUR PACKAGE INCLUDES: Return luxury coach transport from central London Light refreshments (including bubbles!!) 1 Silver Ring enclosure ticket for Royal Ascot

* MacBackpackers runs the only genuine 3 day tour of the Isle of Skye for backpackers. Unlike other backpacker companies we actually stay overnight on the island - spending up to 36 hours there, compared to as little as 6 hours with other operators.

All MacBackpackers customers get exclusive access to loads of great deals on food, drink and attractions in Edinburgh, Scotland and beyond!

clan.macbackpackers.com

;:?D8KH=> <;IJ?L7B J7JJEE 3rd & 10th of August

from £245pp Explore the palatial grandeur of Castle Rock Hostel, Edinburgh’s most amazingly located hostel!

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Voted HostelWorld's Number 1 Hostel in Scotland 2008, 2009 and 2010! We were also named in the Top 10 Best Hostels in the World for 2010!

for details of our great hostels visit scotlandstophostels.com TOUR INCLUDES: Tattoo ticket | Return train travel & transfers | 2 nights B&B hotel accom Guided sightseeing tour with a local guide | Plenty of free time | Services of a Tour Manager

BOOK ON ANDERSONTOURS.CO.UK OR CALL 0207 436 9304

Visit the world-famous Loch Ness and get a taste of the Scottish Highlands Departs Edinburgh 4 days a week

106 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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FREIGHT

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FREIGHT

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* they going to grope once you’re off the market? As a special treat I’ve got your two fave fuckwits, Coxy & Si Dallow, all the way from New Zealand in for your stag. Good luck finding Greek strippers that look like Chezza Cole. BOOM. Kate.

Ukranian hottie: Shit girl, your Swiss-Ukranian fineness makes me want to cheat. I love my girlfriend but if you can keep a secret, so can I. And your badonkadonk is making me crazy. Text me. A Mac.

that’s why I’m happy to be yours, forever and ever – but only if you’ll fork me. Choco pops.

Tossed: To the guy at the tills at the Wandsworth Sainsbury’s last Tuesday at about 7.30pm. You dropped your cucumber and we bumped heads when we both went to pick it up. You looked a little bit embarrassed, but there was no need. I was thinking it, too. Shall we make a salad? Carrot top.

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#482 Take a beach holiday to unwind after the Jubilee. Now who could that be?

Jan: I know you read this on your way back from Acton, and I just want you to know that YOU ARE A SHIT. Who invites a girl on holiday, takes her on an amazing trip, then tells her he has a girlfriend while THEY ARE IN BED TOGETHER? I don’t know why I didn’t punch your fucking lights out. If I see you again, I won’t make that mistake twice. DD. To the Tassie massive: We’re comin’ at ya fast. Hide your extra finger, lickers. From the Polvores.

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Meathead-hater.

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*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

Photos: Getty

To the young Burt Reynolds: You’ve been waiting a year to see your name in here. This is as good as an occasion as any, and it doesn’t cost me a penny! You think you’re all that, but you gave me the fucking clap....I still hate you.

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