TNT Magazine / Issue 1515

September 10-16 2012 Issue 1515 tntmagazine.com

A FEAST ON THE STREET Where to find stalls serving the finest grub

FILM FEST AUSTRALIA The best movies from Down Under

WIN!

VOTE IN OUR TRAVEL AWA RDS TO BAG AN OLYMPUS CA MERA

PADDLES AT THE READY We go early-morning kayaking on the Thames

Y B A B , E C I NICE

France in g in b im l c y extreme r t d n a in s mpon Dig your cra

+ BOSNIA ROAD TRIP LATE TRAVEL DEALS CAPITAL’S COOLEST HOSTELS TNT 1515 Cover.indd 1

6/9/12 15:28:48

HURRY! L A ST CHANCE

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Our campsite atmosphere is second to none Topdeck cooks will provide a fully cooked hot breakfast Stay in spacious, two person, pre-erected dome style tents Air mattresses are provided Return transport between campsite and Oktoberfest grounds Stay at the closest campsite to the Oktoberfest grounds Services of Topdeck Crew Oktoberfest information booklet

Includes return coach from London!

PLUS loads more great savings online!

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CALL 0845 257 5211 Open 8am-9pm

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Flights not included.

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09:18:15

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER The London food scene is changing. Long gone are the days of burger vans selling sweaty meat in a bun. In their place are street stalls, offering top-notch cuisine – see P8.

The Aus movie scene is adapting as well – shifting from depressing to romance. We check out the best new films on P28. Talking of changes, there have been a few here at TNT Towers. As of next week, I’ll be stepping up to a group editor role – leaving you in the incredibly capable hands of Laura Chubb, who moves up from travel editor.

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

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MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

12 14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

19

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

COMPETITION

24

CHATROOM JIM JEFFERIES

25

LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

26-27 32

LIFESTYLE

33-43

SHOPPING

33

HEALTH & BEAUTY

34

FEATURES TASTE OF THE STREET

35-36

AUSTRALIA VISION

LIVING

40-43

NEWS & SPORT

44-54

FilmFest Australia rocks into town – we preview our pick of the movies

TRAVEL

57-80

DIARY

58

NEWS

59

LATE DEALS

62

TOP FIVE

66-67

TIPS & STUFF

68-69 65

48 HOURS IN... NUREMBURG 74-75 CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

82-105 106

8

We help you savour the flavour of the best street food London has to offer

CAREERS

HOTSHOTS Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

28

GREEN TEAM

76

28

48

Meet Natalie Bennett - the Australian leader of Britain’s Green Party

ON YER BIKE

60

It’s bums on seats as we tour around the UK’s South Downs by bicycle

ICE SEE YOU, BABY

70

Face your fears as you clamber up an ice wall in Meribel, France

ROAD TRIPPIN’

76

We uncover the secrets and history of Bosnia on a seven-day road trip

70 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social Media Dan Thorne

LONDONDIARY

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Feel the rhythm DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Eddie Clinton Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

Shhh... SECRET LONDON CASA LATIN AMERICAN THEATRE FESTIVAL KENNINGTON

How do you surmise the music, arts, culture and attitude of a whole continent in one festival? It’s a tricky proposition, capturing the soul and spirit of such diverse cultures, but it is one not-for-profit theatre company CASA overcame by inviting five companies from Mexico, Brazil, Chile and Argentina to answer. There’s everything on offer, from comedy clowning, storytelling and dance to political theatre, with talks and Q&As delving behind the scenes of the performances on show. Something to invigorate your mind, body and soul. £5+

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Until Sept 16. Times vary.

52-54 Kennington Oval, SE11 5SW

00 4

casafestival.org.uk

HAWKERS, BRICK LANE HARLOTS & HACKS MUSIC FESTIVAL

VIVA LA DIVAS

As Aussie media tycoon Rupert Murdoch’s cronies continue to be hauled through the courts for various (alleged) misdeeds, this tour takes you behind the scenes of media-land’s former home, Fleet Street, with all manner of pilloried and disgraced hacks dispensing stories you wouldn’t believe.

Om Unit, David Rodigan, Kutmah, Ray Keith, DJ MK, Loefah are just some of the artists to grace this two-day totally free music fest in the heart of London’s East End. Cafe 1001, Vibe Bar and the Big Chill Bar are the hosts of this year’s event and you can bet there’ll be some good food knocking around, too.

A festival celebrating female musicians, divas or otherwise, the first night of which is hosted by Jools Holland, who presumably can be a bit of a diva, too. Singing for the ladies are the likes of jazz star Natalie Williams, singer/guitarist Dani Wilde and Nicola Emmanuelle, playing Ella Fitzgerald songs.

Sept 15. 3.30pm Fleet Street, EC4M 7DD City Thameslink unrealcityaudio.co.uk

Sept 15-16. Times vary E1 6PU Aldgate East cafe1001.co.uk; vibe-bar.co.uk; bigchill.net/bar

Sept 12-29 Boisdale Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Place, E14 4QT Heron Quays boisdale.co.uk

£13.50

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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FINAL 1515 Lon Diary.indd 4

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S Y A D N U S 16TH SEP 2012

Underground dining

Guy Herman (South Africa) ONE OF SA’S FINEST DJ’S BACK AGAIN

FOR ANOTHER NIGHT OF CARNAGE!

FREE ENTRY - EARLY DJ SET

GINGERLINE HQ

Somewhere along the East London line This secretive and wholly immersive dining experience is held from Wednesday to Friday somewhere along the East London, or Ginger, line. A clandestine 6pm text message will alert you to your underground experience’s location.

Previous events have included Victorian era, puppetry and a ‘submerged’ naval submarine nights, the evening including cocktails, a four-course meal and a take-home art menu amidst the wildly inventive eccentricity. £43+

Sept 12-Oct. 7pm Secret location

gingerline.co.uk

MORE LONDON FREE FILM

SPOKEN NERD

Pray for that Indian summer – or take a jumper – as September features a run of free movies at this South Bank sunken theatre. Up this month are spy thriller Tinker Tailor Solider Spy, Brit comedy The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Dickens-adap Great Expectations, and Woody Allen’s Midnight In Paris.

Science is king, ‘nerds’ rule the earth, and everyone else better get used to it. These monthly nights take that which was not normally fertile ground for comedy – mathematics, science experiments – and fashions it into unique, themed evenings of informative comedy. Laugh and learn.

Sept 12-28. 7.30pm The Scoop at More London, SE1 2DB London Bridge morelondon.co.uk

Sept 17. 7pm Cockpit Theatre, NW8 8EH Marylebone festivalofthespokennerd.com

Photos: Emli Bendixen

FREE

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£6+

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LONDONNEWS

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THE ROCK TACKLES GANG IN HACKNEY A fantasy character became a real-life action hero in London last week, as a gang tried to break into a van.

Hoodie-wearing youths were trying to force open a production company van, filled with expensive equipment.

Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, was filming for Fast And The Furious 6 in the area, and spotted the robbers.

The 6’5,19-stone muscle-man leapt into action and went sprinting down the road after them, waving a fake FBI badge around.

The hoodied crew certainly didn’t expect to get chased by the 16-time WWE champion. After the shock of their lives, they ran off and left the crew in peace.

There is ‘banter’ and there there is getting your arse out and opening you cheeks” Actor Martin Kemp on Celebrity Big Brother

FALLING WINDOW KILLS WOMAN Lawyer Amanda Telfer was killed after being hit by the frames of a groundfloor window in Hanover Street.

Telfer, 20, was walking along the road as workmen installed windows at a new office block.

According to witnesses, Telfer tried to dodge the frame, but was pronounced dead at the scene.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S HOTSPOTS Tubes are to resume their usual levels of commuter traffic post Games. See tfl.go.uk for daily updates

BAKERLOO: Sunday 16, no service between Queen’s Park and Harrow & Wealdstone.

DISTRICT: No service between Edgware Road and Wimbledon.

JUBILEE: No service between Green Park and Stratford on Saturday 15.

6

Goodbye to the Games London gets prepared for the inevitable sporting void The Paralympic Games drew to a close this weekend after a spectacular summer of nail-biting action.

The city has come to life over the season, as we’ve watched, cheered, commiserated, celebrated, jumped, danced and shed a tear watching the best of the best battle it out for gold.

Viewing figures have been record breaking, with 90 per cent of the British population tuning in to at least 15 minutes of the Olympics. The Paralympics audience figures have been equally as staggering with more than six million viewers switching on their sets to watch the men’s Paralympic 100m race, featuring stars

‘Blade Runner’ Oscar Pistorius and Britain’s Jonnie Peacock. Meanwhile, 2.9 million watched British star Ellie Simmonds win gold in freestyle swimming.

“The coverage of the Paralympics has completely captured the public’s imagination,” said Jay Hunt, Channel 4’s chief creative officer.

London 2012 has enabled the public to follow real and unknown people play sports we rarely get to watch, plus inspire generations to take the legacy forward.

While Michael Phelps may still be the greatest Olympian of all time, anything could happen in Brazil 2016. Rio, we pass the baton to you ...

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

The Brick Lane Music Festival takes place this week in London’s East End, and it’s completely free.

Musicians will take over the street’s renowned venues including Vibe Bar, Cafe 1001 and the Big Chill Bar, which will host sets from reggae DJ David Rodigan, acid house, hardcore and jungle from Ray Keith, plus Ninja Tune’s cut-paste expert King Cannibal.

Hipsters, ravers and hip hop heads will be out in force to celebrate some of the most eclectic sounds in progressive music and eat a falafel burger or two. Expect a host of other tasty electronic beats from the likes of MC Xander, Tomoki Tamura, Demolition Man. Get down there on Sept 15-16, see cafe1001.co.uk, vibe-bar.co.uk and bigchill.net/bar for more.

Get ready for Brick Lane Music Festival this week

Photos: Think Stock; Getty

NORTHERN: No service between Charing Cross and Camden Town on Saturday 15 and Sunday 16.

London we’ve had a blast

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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T

The team from What The Dickens

Taste of the street Street food has shaken off its greasy image. Now the best will be crown recognised at the Street Food Awards WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN There isn’t much to be said for being in a recession but, perhaps, the revolution in eating that has taken place on the streets of London is one such triumph over adversity.

A few years ago, street food meant questionable burgers from dirty vans, braved only on the way home from the pub. How times have changed.

Few Londoners will have failed to notice the growing army of traders serving gourmet eats from vans or market stalls around the capital.

This month, the British Street Food Awards holds its third annual competition on September 15-16, outside Jamie Oliver’s restaurant, Fifteen, rounding up the country’s best traders in a celebration that includes DJs, live music, cocktails and some seriously exciting menus.

Food journalist and TV food critic Richard Johnson, the man behind the awards, believes a number of factors have contributed to the rise of this new kind of eating.

“People don’t have the money to start a restaurant, but with street food they can be creative and inventive without the overheads,” he says.

“We’re lucky, as great food will often arrive on the street first.”

Johnson’s excited about the British public’s growing interest in food.

“People are bored of the starter-maincourse-dessert formula,” he says.

Epitomising this attitude, What The Dickens, a London outfit that has made the awards finals, has put a new slant on traditional British food, with dishes such as kedgeree and devilled kidneys.

Although food is their focus, Michael Quinn, Adam Bernstein and Dominic Rose have turned the process of buying grub into something of a spectacle, dressing in Victorian garb, playing ukuleles and riding a modified tricycle.

“People enjoy a bit of showmanship,“ Quinn explains. “We want it to be fun.”

But don’t let the hijinks fool you into thinking this isn’t about the food. What The Dickens describe themselves as being “a three-man mission to revitalise neglected British dishes”.

What The Dickens’s success has, of course, led to talks about opening a restaurant. But, Quinn says, it’s the freedom of being a street food trader that still appeals. They will, however, be serving breakfasts in the Reliance (336

Old Street) from the end of September.

Green Goat Food, another Londonbased finalist, only began trading this year, but have already built a following hungry for their fresh veg, seafood and meat. It’s hard to imagine dishes of the calibre of cuttlefish and roast garlic aioli being prepared in a van, but that’s definitely the case.

“It’s a whole different world and catastrophes happen,” chef Claude Compton says. “We can laugh now but on the way to a market in the early days, the fridge fell over and all our hard work was splattered against the back of the van.”

Compton welcomes the Street Food Awards as a way of recognising the scene’s impressive talent.

“Street food has no Michelin or Good Food Guide despite the food quality now competing some of these places,” he says. “The awards are a great idea.”

Y

TNT’S TOP STREETFOOD ›› For more on the British Street Food Awards, see britishstreetfood.co.uk

Y 8

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Saturday 27 October Business Design Cente Islington 9.30am - 5.30pm

The Green Goat Food boys

Free if you Pre-register at tnttravelshow.com Yes, this was cooked in a van

DON’T MISS OUT! #TNTtravelshow Yum Bun: see next pages

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EAT MY PIES WHITECROSS ST

WELL KNEADED WAGON KING’S CROSS

On a mission to elevate British staples such as Scotch eggs, pork pies and custard tarts to gourmet status, Eat My Pies owner Andy Bates has created a mobile menu that includes such delights as smoked haddock, Thai green curry scotch eggs, and pies filled with pork, sage, apple and currants. £3+

Sourdough firebread pizza smothered in tomato, pesto or garlic and topped with the likes of chorizo, Portobello mushrooms and goats cheese. Don’t miss the sweet pizza, which comes dripping in maple syrup, apple and cinnamon. A favourite at private parties, the Well Kneaded crew in their vintage van have been shortlisted in the Street Food Awards. £4+

eatmypies.co.uk

LUARDOS WHITECROSS STREET MARKET

facebook.com/ wellkneadedwagon

It’s hard to beat this lot for delicious, healthy-ish comfort eats. The brainchild of Simon Luard, who studied cookery in Oaxaca, Mexico, Luardos sells its wares from two graffiti-covered vans: the pink one called Mary; the blue one, Jesus H. All grub is prepared fresh daily and the chicken, beef, pork and veggie burritos are oozing with creamy guacamole, home-made salsa, herby salad and sour cream. £5+

luardos.co.uk

STREET KITCHEN BROADGATE Bistro-style meals served from the side of an airstream trailer.

The menu changes daily and you can find out what’s on offer with the Street Kitchen iPhone app. Expect fish and meat with lush accompaniments. Yum. £6+

SPIT & ROAST HACKNEY HOMEMADE MARKET Relatively new on the London street food scene, Spit & Roast serves chicken that has been soaked in buttermilk before being thrown in the fryer.

Alternatively, the crew are already known for their rotisserie spit chickens, if you prefer your hen that way. Backing up the meat fest (there’s pork on offer, too) are sides including cornbread muffins, garlic and rosemary potatoes and herb gravy. £6+

spitandroast.com

10

streetkitchen.co.uk

HOXTON BEACH FALAFEL GOODGE ST, MOORGATE Cheap, chirpy and tasty, Hoxton Beach’s falafel comes with salad, tahina and homemade organic pickles. The team have also been known to turn their hand to hot dogs. £3+

hoxtonbeach.com

For a comprehensive list of times, dates and locations see tntmagazine.com/streetfood

YUM BUN BROADWAY MARKET Soft, fluffy steamed buns filled to burst with slow-roasted belly pork, hoi sin sauce, cucumber, spring onion and shiracha. The veggie version is crammed with Portobello mushroom, toasted walnuts and miso glaze. Everything’s free range and organic, but these buns taste far from worthy and have indeed earned their ‘yum’. £3+

JAZ AND JUL’S CAMDEN LOCK This hot chocolate outfit prides itself on using real chocolate, spices and fruit oils. Its motto is ‘chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant‘ and the Chili con Choccy is to die for.

MAMA’S JERK STATION BRICK LANE

£3+

jazandjuls.co.uk

This Caribbean food stand serves up jerk chicken wraps, jerk pork sausages and jerk veggie bean cake among other delights. The secret is in the tropical mayonnaise. £3+

mamasjerkstation.com

yumbun.co.uk

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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THE ARABICA FOOD & SPICE COMPANY BOROUGH

CHURROS GARCIA PORTOBELLO MARKET, BROADWAY MARKET, SOUTH BANK

Levantine dishes inspired by the two owners’ travels through Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Palestine and Israel. Tempted by grilled squid with wild thyme, fennel and honey or oranges and pistachios with wild sumac? Hit one of the markets and take your pick from mezze, dips and salads, pulses, pickles and preserves, blended spices and the famous Damascean falafel wrap. £4+

Unpretentious, unhealthy but oh-so-delicious, the churros from Churro Garcia are light and crispy and come with a pot of rich, thick chocolate, flavoured with cinnamon, in which to dip your dough stick. This is a proper family business, running for 40 years, and is garnering increasing recognition. £5+

churrosgarcia.co.uk arabicafoodandspice.com

SORBITIUM KING’S CROSS With flavours such as salted caramel; roast white chocolate and sour cherry almond; lavender, honey and pistachio; or Prosecco and elderflower, this is ice cream for grown-ups. Sorbitium owners, ex-Petersham Nurseries chefs Pedro Confessore and Suzanna Austin, make everything from scratch, blending old-fashioned vanilla bean custard with seasonal ingredients. Leave Mr Whippy to the kids. £2+

sorbitiumices.com

LUCKY CHIP BETHNAL GREEN

PIZZA PILGRIMS SOHO

Quality beef burgers named after American movie stars. Try the latest, the John Candy: two aged beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions – all on a sesame seed buns. There’s no doubt the big man himself would have been proud to munch on one of these bad boys.

Neapolitan pizza cooked in the back of a Piaggio Ape van by a team who picked up their skills on a food pilgrimage around Italy. Fans rave about the nduja, a spicy Calabrian sausage topping.

£8+

ANNA MAE’S SMOKEHOUSE KING’S CROSS “Put some South in your mouth!” suggest the folks behind Anna Mae’s Smokehouse, which specialises in Southern US grub like pulled pork, BBQ sauce and macaroni cheese. Try the hugely popular ‘Kanye Western’: macaroni cheese with hot dog and BBQ sauce – or the ‘Notorious P.I.G’: a pulled-pork sandwich with everything. £4+

anna-maes.com

facebook.com/Luckychip

BANHMI11 SOHO Vietnamese fast bites including baguettes, noodle soups and BBQ meats. Top stuff. £5+

banhmi11.com

£5+

pizzapilgrims.co.uk

MERINGUE GIRLS VARIOUS Cupcakes and macaroons are so passé, say the Meringue Girls, and once you’ve tasted their chewy-yetlight meringues, you won’t argue. Flavours include fresh strawberry and black pepper, rhubarb and ginger and a sinful 70 per cent dark chocolate and hazelnut.

They also do a good turn in Eton Mess. £1+

BIG APPLE HOT DOGS OLD ST Promising “no nasty bits” in their 98 per cent meat hot dogs, the Big Apple crew, under the guidance of Abiye Cole do a brisk trade in big dogs (a blend of pork and beef) and pimp steaks (all beef). £3+

bigapplehotdogs.com

meringuegirls.com

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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MYLONDON

ARE YOU A FUN, BUBBLY, SOCIABLE PERSON WANTING TO EARN EXTRA MONEY?

IAN BURRELL FOUNDER OF UK RUMFEST What baffles me about London is how big the city is, yet how smallminded some – and only some, I hasten to add – of its residents can be.

We require professional, motivated men and women of all ages, who enjoy socialising and meeting new people. We are looking for friendly, bubbly, open minded individuals who pride themselves on being adaptable and getting along with others.

London’s best-kept secret is that the world’s only global rum ambassador lives here, which I suppose in many respects is a rather random profession, even for London!

When I want to chill out I like nothing better than relaxing at home watching movies.

The most interesting person I’ve met was Samuel L Jackson, because he just oozes confidence.

My favourite place for a drink is Cottons Rhum Shack, Camden. It’s arguably the best bar and restaurant in London for a rum punch.

Although hours are normally during evenings and weekends, they can be made flexible to fit around an existing work schedule or adapted to those wanting to work part time.

So whether you work full time and are wanting toXXXXXXX get out and meet new people or XXXXXXXXXXX simply hoping to take a new career direction, this could be the perfect opportunity for you.

For when you’re hungover in London a good old English breakfast is good. Crouch End is my favourite breakfast hangout.

What gets me up in the morning is the end of my sleep. I’m lucky enough to be the boss so I wake up when I’ve finished sleeping. There’s no alarm clocks.

What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? What did I do last night? And who did I do it with?

My perfect weekend begins with basketball in the park with friends, then some beers and lunch, watching football in the afternoon, a steak in the evening at Hawksmoor or Gaucho’s – and then it’s PARTY TIME!

Five words that sum up London ... multi-cultural, unpredictable, diverse, entertaining, home. rumfest.co.uk / Oct 13-14, London’s ExCel Centre, E16 1XL 12

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Photos: Victoria Stewart

The last naughty thing I did was using social media and my notoriety to convince people I had created a rum-flavoured vodka last April Fool’s Day. I had a few thousand people that wanted samples, although it didn’t exist.

You can probably tell I’m not the biggest vodka fan and people thought I’d sold out and gone over to the dark side!

/00

Contact us now for more information on 0203 432 8177 or at info@premierevents.biz www.premierevents.biz

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LONDONDRINKS

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GOLDEN BEE BAR THE SCENE This luxurious bar is a new addition to east London, bringing a touch of glam to the trendy streets of Shoreditch. Wander into the inconspicuous (bouncerprotected) doorway, up the deep-purple winding stairs to the chic rooftop terrace, taking in views over the busy streets. There’s also a big screen for film-watching, and ample seating. In the downstairs bar, you’ll find glittering chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, an opulent gold-and-turquoise colour scheme, and bottles of top-notch alcohol behind the bar. It’s busy when we visit on a Friday night straight from work, but not packed – although it soon will be once the word spreads that there’s a new bar on the scene.

THE GRUB There isn’t any – this place is all about the drinks, so don’t rock up hungry.

BEHIND THE BAR Although there’s a bar menu, the staff are all professional mixologists, and will create you a bespoke drink, depending on your taste. The Passionfruit Collins (gin, passionfruit, passoa, sugar and lemon juice) and CariBEEan (rum, fresh papaya, pineapple, mango and bitters) are both spot-on. There are also 20 types of whiskey and 11 gins for the connoisseur.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails £8; shots from £7; wine £4.80 a glass, £15.50 a bottle.

VERDICT Perfect for post-dinner drinks or for a special occasion. CAROL DRIVER

Singer Street entrance, EC1V 9DD

3 OF THE BEST FASHION WEEK

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goldenbee.co.uk

Old Street

Glam: there’s a buzz about Golden Bee

CINNAMON KITCHEN THE FOLLY

THE BOTANIST

This Liverpool Street bar is serving up special cocktails based on the major fashion cities of the world: New York, Paris, Milan and, of course, London during Fashion Week. All four of these stylish drinks are £9.50.

This upmarket Sloane Square bar has created three cocktails especially for London Fashion Week. Sip on a classic Stella McCartney, an elegant Victoria Beckham or a bold Vivienne Westwood (each a steal at £8.50).

cinnamon-kitchen.com

Keep up-to-date with the latest trends as SilkFred, an online fashion boutique, opens a pop-up in this central London pub.

Bag a bargain – exclusive discounts on offer – over a beer or three until Sept 28. thefollybar.co.uk

thebotanistonsloanesquare.com

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BITE SIZE

Get stuck in at Chipotle

WARM APPLE PIE PIZZA All September, Battersea’s Bunga Bunga is offering an apple pie pizza, a sweet and savoury taste sensation made of caramelised apple compote on a sweet pizza base with vanilla gelato. It’s all to do with the DVD release of American Pie: Reunion, but this £10 apple pie’s for eating only, nothing else. bungabunga-london.com

MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE Embrace the spirit of la fiesta and head to Cantina Laredo in Covent Garden on Friday, September 14 to party in true Mexican style. The modern restaurant will be kickingoff its homeland’s traditional Independence Day festivities with modern cuisine, Mariachi music and tequila. From 7pm onwards, Cantina Laredo will be serving its signature ‘Casa Rita’ margaritas for half price, helping diners get into the party mood while Mexicans prepare to celebrate their independence from Spain.

Viva Mexico!

CHIPOTLE MEXICAN

cantinalaredo.co.uk THE SCENE There’s a new sheriff in town, galloping in to take over the lucrative burrito market as Londoners embrace the handheld Mexican classic that’s rapidly gained popularity with office lunchers in recent years. Chipotle’s already got five branches in London, although that’s small tacos compared with 1300 restaurants in the US. The interior of the St Martin’s Lane branch (situated a stone’s throw from Leicester Square) is minimalist, with bar stools against a large metal tables, as well as a small basement with individual tables and chairs.

THE GRUB The chain aims to shake up the fast food market with an ethical twist that would make the likes of Jamie and Hugh very happy indeed. Commendably, all of the meat used at Chipotle is either free-range, farm assured or from RSPCAapproved Freedom Foods farms. But besides the animal welfare angle and marketing, is the grub any good? Yes, it is: mouth-watering Barbacoa shredded beef, black beans cooked with bacon, and some seriously tasty brown rice mixed with citrus juices and coriander make a wonderful treat. You can have your burrito in a tortilla or in a bowl and there’s a vegetarian option (which should really be priced a little lower), chicken and steak chunks prepared and cooked in an Mexican chipotle chilli adobo (marinade) and tasty Carnitas shredded pork.

A small selection of bottled beers, and fizzy drinks - and there’s the option to have a Margarita if you’re feeling saucy.

BILL PLEASE Burritos from £6.70. Soda cans £1.15; Margarita £4.35; bottled beers £3.65; juice £2.

VERDICT Others might claim gourmet but these guys have it all wrapped up. DT BEHIND THE BAR

114-116 Charing Cross Road, WC2H 0JR

chipotle.com

Leicester Square

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@TNT GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

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Weren’t the Games great?

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A group of celebs decide to play a game and imitate parts of the body... Schwarzenegger says: “I’ll be back”.

Rodney “Michael Owen to reveal new club on Wednesday.”

I bet it’s a putter.

Julian Facebook: Where attention whores post pics of themselves saying, “I’m so ugly,” but have 600 in an album called “ME”.

Nicki Alan Oliveira walks into a bar. Barman says, “Why the long blades?”

Gretchen My GF said she was so embarrassed when I went bra shopping with her.

To be fair, It is about time I lost some weight.

Allan What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of his cave? Camembert.

Sarah “Excuse me mate, How do you get to Etihad Stadium?’ Local: “easy...

Just have a few good seasons for Arsenal”.

Samir “BT Infinity”: Because it takes that long for them to fucking set it up.

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I’m up in court on a petty theft charge.

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I love the world coming together to share the same moments, the same spirit, to fight for the same thing at the same time: to be their best. I have loved that London came together to celebrate the Olympic and Paralympic Games.

Volunteers stood in the middle of the streets just sharing their knowledge and to be there to help.

In the end, we can all say with a smile and pride: I was here and I saw it all being conquered.

Ana Emilia Silva, via email

NOT SO TASTY I enjoyed your article on travelling to the Isle Of Wight (TNT 1514) but I’ve tried that garlic beer (sold at a local deli) and it tastes foul! I love beer and I love garlic … but the two don’t combine well!

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HOME IS SACRED RE: Squatting law changes (tntmagazine.com): Sure there are a lot of empty properties, but that should not give anybody the right to walk in and treat it as if it was their own. If people are worried about homeless people etc, then create a law that deals with it, but the state’s job is to protect private property and enforce property rights.

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KEEP KP Re: Alasdair Morton’s opinion piece on Kevin Pietersen (TNT 1514): KP is clearly England’s best bat, in fact one of the

world’s best. Yes, he can be a complete clown, selfcentred, badly advised and with poor judgement, but since when is everyone in a cricket dressing room supposed to be best mates?

KP is serving his penance and once everyone has finished kicking him, every effort should be made to re-integrate him in the side. Yes, some serious apologising is needed and yes, some ground rules reestablished, but it would be a crime against test cricket if he was no longer allowed to take part.

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Ana wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @hipstermermaid: Looking forward to the time when my level of awkwardness becomes socially acceptable. @ackmackenroth: You want people to leave you alone?

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Eugene Markow: Re: Cycling from Armenia to Georgia (TNT 1514): Now this is my kind of touring, by bike somewhere in the wild East.

Wonderful adventure, enjoyed reading it!

Layla English: So Mars isn’t keen on deep-fried Mars Bars.

Cop-out.. it’s an Eighties kid’s childhood sweetheart Llewellyn Cass: I had a ball getting out and about in Notting Hill for the Carnival.

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Next Stop?

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Big gamer: Lana Del Ray

festival

THE ZOO PROJECT

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ITUNES FESTIVAL Roundhouse, NW1 8EH UNTIL SEPT 30 | DOORS AT 7PM | FREE

There’s an Ibiza vibe and kick-ass tunes with animals – yes, that’s right – at this new festival. The likes of Sasha, DJ Sneak, Scuba and VisionQuest head up the music lineup of 50 artists across 10 stages and it’s all set on an active safari park, so there’s wild animal encounters, too. It’s a weekend in which dubstep meets the largest breeding herd of Black Rhinos outside of Africa. Like we said, unique indeed.

Port Lympne Wild Animal Park, Kent. CT21 4PD. Sept 14-16. £89.99 Ashford International thezooproject-festival.com

Celebrating its sixth year of free music, the iTunes fest continues with one of its biggest line-ups yet, veering from pop, indie and rock to stadium stars, low-fi indie cult heroes and dance sensations. No musical stone is left unturned.

Matchbox 20 (19) and Mumford & Sons (24) keep things indie, the former showcasing their arena radio-rock, with the Mumfords demonstrating that nufolk is more than just a passing fad.

Electronic music is represented by the twin header of David Guetta and support act Calvin Harris (15), with One Direction (20), Jessie J (21) and P!nk (13) – now with exclamatory punctuation – and Lana Del Ray (25) on Team Pop. There is even room for classical music with world renowned tenor Andrea Bocelli (18) showing that classical and opera are not just the reserve of the high-culture snobs.

The festival, though, is all about the big-name, superstar headliners, and this year it has some of the biggest yet: The Killers (11) continue to pick up speed on the comeback trail ahead of forthcoming LP Battle Born; Noel Gallagher brings his High Flying Birds to town (12); and Biffy Clyro (22), fresh off the festival circuit and with double album Opposites in their pockets ready to go this autumn, are on hand to ensure that Kerrang! readers have something to mosh to. Muse then bring the whole thing to cataclysmic conclusion on September 30.

The only snag is while it’s free, you have to register online to be in with a chance of getting tickets. Your luck could be in, though – fingers crossed.

Chalk Farm

itunesfestival.com

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NEW BAND

TINY RUINS GIG WED, SEPT 19. 7PM £7

The sparse, haunting and unforgettable songs from Bristol-born/ New Zealand-raised Hollie Fullbrook (aka Tiny Ruin)’s debut album, Some Were Meant for The Sea, stopped people in their tracks. She brings those tunes to this intimate show in Clerkenwell, no doubt to rapturous applause. Check her out.

The Wilmington Arms 69 Roseberry Road, EC1R 4RL King’s Cross thewilmingtonarms.co.uk

MCQUEEN PRESENTS...

SOUNDCRASH PRESENTS...

CLUB

CLUB

SAT, SEPT 15. 7PM-LATE £20

SAT, SEPT 15. 9PM-4AM £9.50

This London Fashion Week party celebrates the capital’s threads with a night of grooves, tunes and decadent, fabulous style. Boy George, Marc Vedo and Jason Herd are the headliners, with residents Kirkland & Macauley, Max Bloom, Miss Mavrik and JR on hand, as well as live performances by GirlsRoc, too.

This showboating, grandstanding night has its sights set on the best musical-visual experience possible. Clark, Plaid, Eskmo and many more will be playing live AV sets, with a line-up boasting electronic music pioneers and exciting new talent, too. Your eyes and ears are in for a real treat at this one.

McQueen 55-61 Tabernacle Street, EC2A 4AA Old Street mcqueen-shoreditch.co.uk

Koko NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent soundcrashmusic.com

DNTEL

PAUSE

VAN SUSANS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

MON, SEPT 17. 7PM £12.50

SAT, SEPT 15. 10PM-6AM £8+

WED, SEPT 12. 7PM £8

Electronic musician James Tamborello, the man behind the cryptic name, has been experimenting with bleeps and loops since high school. Best known in the UK for his work with DCfC’s Ben Gibbard on The Postal Service, he’s a man of many projects, and brings his most personal to town in support of this year’s Aimlessness LP.

This new underground techno and house night kicks off this weekend, with a huge Martin Audio sound system and its renowned Body Sonic dancefloor being put to full effect.

The line-up includes Darius Syrossian, Burnksi, Gllimpse, Waze & Odyssey, Casino Times, The Beat Medics and Jim Rider.

Indie with a hint of emo’s heartfelt sincerity, the Susans release their debut album, Paused In The Moment, with this celebratory launch party. They’re like Jimmy Eat World’s quieter moments crossed with the Beautiful South and Dashboard Confessional – soaring and soothing melodies.

Borderline Orange Yard, W1D 4JB Tottenham Court Road theborderline.co.uk

Proud 2 The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich proud2.com

The Barfly 49 Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AN Chalk Farm barflyclub.com

KIMBRA THE BUZZ SO FAR This New Zealand songstress, who’s a big deal back home, has toured with the likes of soul star Lianne La Havas; was the guest vocalist on Goyte’s outstanding single Somebody That I Used To Know; and has just released her debut album. Vows features synths, strings, piano lines, hypnotic beats, curious instrumentation and, above all, Kimbra’s majestic, soaring vocals. Pop enough to smash the charts, but quirky enough to stand out as an individual voice, too.

THE CRITICS SAY “If you like Nina Simone, Florence & The Machine and/or Bjork, you’ll enjoy Kimbra.

She reminds us of all those fierce ladies!” – Perez Hilton THE PLUG Union Chapel N1 2XD, Highbury & Islington, Sept 19, £12.50 kimbramusic.com

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CLUBLISTINGS MONDAY 10

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I Love Pacha DJs Bam Bam, James McLaughlin, John Mason and Baby Girrl spin house, techno and dance tracks in the main room whilst Abstract Sounds and resident DJs play electro and funky house in the global room.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-late. £10.

BOOK NOW!

Anthem Resident DJs play punk, rock, indie, emo and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, w/ flyer £3, guestlist £2, £1 before 11pm.

Frenchkiss DJs provide soul, reggae, R‘n’B, hip-hop, funky house and dance. Storm, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7LE (020 7839 2633).

10.30pm-2am. Free guestlist.

Monday Don’t Matter Anyway Adam Cotier, Raz, Mark Radford, Alex Sesto, J Da Buddah, Max Van Morrison, Kirri Cornwell, Domonique Danielle, Grant Richards, Bard Francis, Chloe Fontaine, Nico Da Funksta and Rocha spin a mix of techno, deep house and nu-disco The Lockside Lounge, West Yard Dock, NW1 8AF (020 7284 0007). 5pm-late. Free.

Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam supply pop and carnival classics. Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033). 8pm-midnight. £5.

Stampede DJ Laurence Rene spins pop-punk, alternative, rock and ska, with hosts Oli Sandler and Matt Boland. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040).

9pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm, £1 before 11pm, £3 before 1am.

Stop Showin’ Off DJ Lucy Pink hosts a night of hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, soul and funk.

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-1.30am. Free

TUESDAY 11 DJ Jorge Montiel The eclectic DJ spins funk, boogaloo and vintage soul records. Barrio Central, Poland St, W1F 8PS (020 3230 1002). 8pm-1am. Free.

No Quarter DJs Maz and TV Nights spin indie and rock, plus live performances from Natalie Duncan, Anja McCloske, The Divers, Zena Kitt and Rob Gentry.

Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £8, w/flyer £6.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, guestlist w/flyer free before 10.30pm.

Stupid Tuesday In-house DJs play funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

T-Spark Electro, hip-hop and reggae courtesy of the resident DJ. Theatre Royal Stratford East, Gerry Raffles Sq, E15 1BN (020 8534 0310/ cc 020 8534 0310). 10pm-2am. Free.

Paradise 5th Birthday DJ Norman Jay spins reggae, soul and broken beat, plus live performances from Hollie Cook and King Toby. Paradise

By Way Of Kensal Green, Kilburn Ln, W10 4AE (020 8969 0098).

8.30pm-2am. £10 after 9pm.

RUMPUS VOL11: A RATHER BIG ADVENTURE The Coronet. Fri, October 5. £10+ This all-night indoor festival has a host of musical acts – Slamboree, Gypry Hill and more – and merriment across 11 ‘strange and wonderful lands’.

SE1 6TJ

Elephant & Castle

WEDNESDAY 12 Aquila Resident DJs and guests spin house, hip-hop, electro and dubstep. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-1.30am. £8.

Beach Bum DJ Larry Sun plays a mash-up of dance, hip-hop, electro and party. Ladybird Bar, Upper St, N1 0NY (020 7359 1710). 9pm-2am. Free.

Death2Disco Danny Watson, Nigel Thomas and BlagSound DJs spin rock, punk and indie classics.

Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £3, free before 11pm.

Dub Me The Suburban Pirates and David Katz spin dub. Upstairs At The Ritzy, Coldharbour Ln, SW2 1JG (0871 704 2065). 8pm-11pm. Free.

Funkology Resident and guest DJs with live bands play a host of funk, soul, house, dance, electro, hip-hop, Motown and blues with a distinct influence from Brazil.

Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228). 5pm-1am. £5.

Hidden Depths Of Numbers DJs Lil Louis, Jackmaster, Artwork, Spencer and Goodhand spin house, techno and garage. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). 8pm-1am. Adv £5.

Kid Kanevil The DJ drops astro beats, hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass and alternative tracks. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479).

7.30pm-11.30pm. Free.

Smile DJs spin funky house, club classics and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £4, £3 before midnight.

THURSDAY 13

rumpusparty.co.uk Idiosynphonic Zeds Dead spin electronica and techno.

Relay, Bermondsey St Tunnel, SE1 3JW (020 7403 7730).

10pm-3am. Adv £7 & £10.

Love Present DJs Rob Bailey and Chris Dale spin 1960s club soul, ska, Motown, R‘n’B and boogaloo.

Orleans, Seven Sisters Rd, N4 2HZ (020 72841 8482). 10pm-late. £5, free before midnight.

Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 9pm.

Society John Brooks spins funky and uplifting house and dance anthems. Lo-Profile, Wardour St, W1F 0TQ (020 7734 3444). 10pm3am. £8, £5 before midnight.

Super Human Disco DJs Hee Man, Ray Juss, K15 and BenSamba spin funk, disco, breakbeat, electro and hip-hop. Wax Jambu, Upper St, N1 1QY (020 7704 6868). 7pm-1am. Free.

Thursday Night DJ Rusty Egan spins pop hits from the 1980s and 1990s, plus special guests.

Shaka Zulu, The Stables Market, NW1 8AB (020 3376 9911).

8pm-2am. £10, free before 10pm.

Traumatik DJs Charlie Banks, Tim Ross, Ricky Ward and Alex Sesto play house music in the basement.

East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm-3am. £10, guestlist/ladies Adv £5 before 11pm.

FRIDAY 14 Bump CJ Beatz, Rugrat and CWD spin hip-hop, funk, dancehall and dubstep. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372).

9pm-4am. £10, £7 before 11pm.

Bringing It East Presents Dub, heavy disco, dance and house played from The Idjut Boys and Felix Dickinson. The Waiting Room, Stoke Newington High St, N16 0LH (020 7241 5511). 10pm-late. £4.

Exist DJs Ed Wilder, Scott Thonson, Glyn Evans and Sidco Styli spin indie and electro, plus a live set from Bellakiss. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10pm-late £7, adv £5.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus supply electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

Hot Box Country, rock ‘n’ roll and R‘n’B from in-house DJs, plus a live set from Shea Seger. Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228).

6pm-1am. £5, free before 9pm.

Friday Resident DJs spin classic house tracks. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

22

Saints Don’t Sleep DJs Alex Crescent, Filthy Fiction, Will Puddle and Andrew Hill spin garage, bass, hip-hop and electro tracks. BNJMN, DjRUM and Lorca play live. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

10pm-6am. £6, adv £5.

Sin City Stevie C, Riyad, Tony Madball and Demonic play contemporary rock and metal in the main room, while Shuff and Vixen spin classic rock and metal in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10.30pm3.30am. £7, NUS/mems £5 before 11.30pm, w/flyer £5 before midnight.

Sumo#6 Deep house music courtesy of Zaki, Pete Dafeet, Ryan Bliss and Ryan Styles. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 10pm-7am. £10, adv £8, w/flyer/guestlist £6.

We Are Lizards DJs Beats International, Does It Offend You, Yeah?, Destruction, Push Music and Redshift Rebels spin pop, dance and retro beats.

The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618).

8pm-2am. £5 after 9pm.

Wearable Art DJs Stacey Pullen, James Priestley and Larry Tee spin house, techno and electro music for the bi-annual music and fashion party. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm7am. £20, adv £15, NUS/mems £13.

SATURDAY 15 Doctors Orders Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Spin Doctor play hip-hop and garage. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372).

10pm-4am. £15, adv £8.

Fact LDN House and techno courtesy of DJs Marko Nastic, Dejan Milicevic and Marko Milosavljevic. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

11pm-late. £20, adv £15, NUS £13. iTunes Festival 2012: Saturday Superstar DJ David Guetta spins house, dance and electro.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). 9pm-late. Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Kinki Malinki Presents House and dance courtesy of AFTC, Soul Avengerz, Bill Gill and Grant Nalder. Club Warehouse, Harbet Rd, N18 3HT (020 8807 0078).

11pm-7am. £12, adv £10.

Mixmag Live DJs Steve Aoki, South Central, Doorly, DOD, Urchins and Mixmag Allstars spin house, garage and electro. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040).

11pm-6am. £16, adv/NUS £12.50.

Paradise 5th Birthday DJs Jazzie B, Charlie (Londsale Boys Club) and Sam Young spin funk, soul and vintage R‘n’B. Paradise By Way Of Kensal Green, Kilburn Ln, W10 4AE (020 8969 0098).

8pm-2am. £10 after 9pm.

Red Bull Music Academy DJs Tiger & Woods, Lone, XXXY, Wbeeza, Gerd Janson and Jamie Funk spin dubstep, electronica, jungle and grime, plus a live set from Darling Farah. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

5pm-3am. £15, adv £10.

Tempo Eterno Resident DJs spin techno, house and progressive electro tracks. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

We Are 21: Saturday Sessions Calvin Harris spins dance, techno and house alongside Michael Woods, Burns, Sheldon, Joe & Will Ask, Shane Patrick, Nathan C, Junior G, James Murray, Dirty Stop Outs, Lee Game, O-Twins, Lyle M, Baby Box, Dean Clarke & Mr Black, Pablo De Linares, Dan Jorge & Chris Dewell, Route 1 and Keiran McCarthy. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010).

11pm-7am. £20, mems £15.

SUNDAY 16 Critical Damage Presents Flourish Sound Nu-disco, funk, deep house and techno courtesy of Critical Damage, Momchill Out and TITIss. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). noon-midnight. Free.

Guy Herman The South African DJ spins house and dance music.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Hula Boogie DJs Miss Aloha and Reverend Boogie play jive classics from the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s. South London Pacific, Kennington Rd, SE11 4LD (020 7820 9189). 7pm-1am. £7.

Pause Resident DJs spin house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10.

The Social Resident DJs spin pop, chart and retro. Candy Bar, Carlisle St, W1D 3BJ (020 7494 4041).

8.30pm-12.30am. Free.

Stink DJs Zero T, MarleyMarl, Bailey, Vapour, Pappa G and Icandy spin drum ‘n’ bass and jungle, plus MCs Moose, Fats and AD. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774).

9pm-3am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

Photos: Alce Peperell

Tuesday Night Inn Resident DJs spin folk and soul, plus ping pong and table football. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 5pm-midnight. Free.

Rootikal With Rodigan DJs David Rodigan, Stuart Patterson and Mr Faso spin reggae, dub and roots in the basement, while Spin Doctor, Chris P Cuts and Mo Fingaz play soul, funk and hip-hop in the lounge. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 9pm3.30am. £8, £6 before 10pm, adv £5.

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MONDAY 10

I Am Giant The London-based ensemble plays groove-laden rock.

The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £8.

BOOK NOW!

J Allen, Inti Rowland, Patrick Crowson Downbeat alt folk by the Brooklyn-located singersongwriter and member of the band, Meanwhiles. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £4.

iTunes Festival 2012: P!nk, Walk The Moon The multi-millionselling American singer, known for hits including Get The Party Started and Raise Your Glass, performs pop to promote her album The Truth About Love.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Mat Gibson, ToLiesel, Huck The London-based singersongwriter and musician plays lo-fi Americana and folk-rock to promote his album Long Goner.

The Windmill, Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ (020 8671 0700). Free.

Larry Graham & Graham Central Station Classic funk by the veteran ex-Sly And The Family Stone bassist and his band. The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). £25 & £30.

Husky, Bronze Medal The Melbourne-based four-piece plays alt folk and indie. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £8. iTunes Festival 2012: Norah Jones, Beth Orton The Grammy Awardwinning songstress performs heartfelt pop from her album Little Broken Hearts. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Love Amongst Ruin Alt rock

by Steve Hewitt, ex-drummer of Placebo and his band. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Adv £7.

Mi Ami, Majical Cloudz, Design A Wave The duo from San Francisco and New York City performs a combination of Afro-punk and disco-dance.

Shacklewell Arms, Shacklewell Ln, E8 2EB (020 7249 0810). Adv £7.

Karin Park, The Voyeurist Indie and electro-pop by the Swedish singer-songwriter. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £9.

Sacred Mother Tongue The Northampton-based fourpiece plays riff-driven metal.

O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £6.

The XX Downbeat indie-pop from the Mercury Music Prizewinning combo from London. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £22.50.

TUESDAY 11 Birdy Pop from Hampshirebased singer Jasmine van den Bogaerde, known for her cover of Bon Iver’s Skinny Love. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Cheek Mountain Thief Icelandbased singer-songwriter and Tunng co-founder Mike Lindsay performs sweeping indie-folk with his backing band to promote his self-titled debut album. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £12.50, concs £6.25.

RELENTLESS FREEZE FESTIVAL Battersea Power Station. October 26-27. £40+ DJ Shadow and Public Enemy (above) are the headliners at this music and ski/snowboarding festival and competition. Get involved.

SW8 5BP

Battersea Park

The Dead Formats, Ghouls The Essex-based new wave and power-pop band plays songs from its album At Sixes And Sevens.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Adv £8.

Graffiti6 London-based alt rock collective led by singer-songwriter and producer Jamie Scott. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £9.50. iTunes Festival 2012: The Killers, Jake Bugg The multi-platinum selling four-piece from Las Vegas, led by vocalist and keyboard player Brandon Flowers, plays anthemic indierock. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Ralfe Band, Piney Gir, Correatown Alt rock by the Oxford-based band formed by songwriter Oly Ralfe and drummer Andrew Mitchell.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10, adv £7.

Ravenface, Mask Of Judas, Subversion, Tradjectory, Bleeding Oath Metalcore by the five-piece combo originating from Blackpool and formed by front-man James Denton. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

WEDNESDAY 12 Lawrence Arabia, Andrew Keoghan Pop singer-songwriter from Christchurch, New Zealand.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £8.50. iTunes Festival 2012: Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, The Soundtrack Of Our Lives The Britpop forefather and former Oasis songsmith plays solo material with his pop-rock project.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Declan O’Rourke Criticallyacclaimed folk-rock singersongwriter from Dublin. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £16.

relentlessfreeze.com Rick Ross And Maybach Music Group Hip-hop from the American artist William Leonard Roberts II and his record label collective, featuring Meek Mill, Wale, Stalley and Omarion, promoting the albums Self Made Vol 2 and God Forgives, I Don’t. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £100.

The Script The chart-topping and multi-platinum selling threepiece from Dublin performs melodic, piano-based pop-rock with elements of blue-eyed soul to promote its album #3. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £28.50.

Van Susans, Colour Clouds, Narrow Plains The London-based band blends pop, rock and folk and performs songs from the album Paused In The Moment.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £8.

Wolf X Down, Tyrade, Dashwood, End Result Hard hitting hardcore punk from the German collective.

Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £6.

THURSDAY 13 Allo Darlin’, Tigercats, Martha Australian singer-songwriter and musician Elizabeth Morris leads the London-based fourpiece for a performance of indie and twee pop to promote the album Europe. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £13, adv £11.50.

Chrysta Bell, We Three, The Death Rattle The San Franciscobased singer-songwriter performs experimental electro-pop from the album This Train. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). Adv £11.

Tom Hingley, Rory McKee, The Brightsparks The Oxfordborn singer-songwriter and former frontman of alt rockers Inspiral Carpets performs indie-pop. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8.

Patti Smith Punk rock and art-rock from the American singer-songwriter and her band. Troxy, Commercial Rd, E1 0HX (020 7748 2728). £27.50.

FRIDAY 14 Abdoulaye Samb’s Minnjiaraby The group performs original Senegalese music inspired by Fula and Mandinka cultures.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £9.

Beirut Indie-folk by the New York-based outfit.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £20.

John Illsley The singer-songwriter, guitarist and founding member of Dire Straits plays Americana and blues-rock. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15. iTunes Festival 2012: Labrinth, Josh Kumra Hip-hop and R‘n’B from London-based singersongwriter Timothy McKenzie in support of the album Electronic Earth. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Iwrestledabearonce, Oceano, Vanna, For All Those Sleeping The American five-piece plays metalcore and avant-garde metal in support of the album Ruining It For Everybody. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

Opinaut The Sutton-based band plays experimental rock with elements of drum ‘n’ bass. The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). £8 & £10.

SATURDAY 15 Eskenderella Traditional Arab folk from the Egyptian ensemble, known for playing at protests and sit-ins during the Arab Spring revolutions. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £15 & £22, concs £7.50 & £11.

Love Music Hate Racism 10th Anniversary A celebration of 10 years of the anti-racist group featuring music, poetry, comedy and talks by Paul Gilroy, Salma Yaqoob, Drew McConnell, Zita Holbourne, Ken Livingstone, Mark Steel, Alan Gibbons, Jerry Dammers and Get Cape Wear Cape Fly. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). day ticket £12, concs/gig ticket £6, gig ticket concs £3.

Marc Bolan 35th Anniversary Concert An all-star rock showcase celebrating the life of the iconic T Rex frontman Marc Bolan, featuring performances from T.Rextasy, Glen Matlock, Rick Wakeman, Alvin Stardust, Steve Harley, Boy George, Tony Visconti, Andy Ellison, Howie Casey and Linda Lewis O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £25-£35.

Molly’s Lipps The East Londonbased six-piece plays a blend of heavy guitar, synth and harmonydriven electro, pop and grunge.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10, adv £8.

Random Hand, Tyrannosaurus Alan, Jakal, Tallowah, Subset The Keighley-based four-piece plays ska-punk with influences from metal, hip-hop and dub in support of its album Seething Is Believing. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £7.

Michele Stodart, James O’ Hara-Knight, Will O’Donaghue The Magic Numbers bassist and singer-songwriter performs indie-rock in support of her solo album Wide Eyed Crossing.

Torriano, Torriano Ave, NW5 2SG (020 7267 4305). £6.50.

Bobi Wine, Judith Babirye, Iryn Namubiru Afrobeat and reggae by the singer, real name Robert Ssentamu Kyagulanyi, from Kampala, Uganda. Includes a fashion show. Troxy, Commercial Rd, E1 0HX (020 7748 2728). £35.

SUNDAY 16 Billy Bragg, Joe Henry, Grace Petrie Politically charged folkpunk and rock from the Essexborn singer-songwriter. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £15-£22.50, concs £7.50-£11.25.

The Cult, Killing Joke, The Mission The veteran alt rock and goth-rock band, led by lead singer Ian Astbury, perform songs from the album Choice Of Weapon alongside their hits.

HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £37.50. iTunes Festival 2012: Rebecca Ferguson The Liverpool-born singer-songwriter, who gained fame in the 2012 series of The X Factor, performs R‘n’B and soul pop in support of her album Heaven. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

The Sunflower Jam Superjam 2012 Actor Jeremy Irons hosts an evening of rock and pop music raising money for charity.

Featuring Bruce Dickinson, Ian Paice, Mark King, Alfie Boe, Brian May And Kerry Ellis, John Paul Jones, Jerry Brown, Margo Buchanan, Micky Moody, Murray Gould, Nick Fyffe, Sandi Thom, Steve Balsamo, Temperance Movement, Uli Jon Roth and Wix Wickins. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £30-£130.

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Jim Jefferies The combative Aussie stand-up on his new tour, going Legit Stateside and impending fatherhood INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

How has it been taking your new show, Fully Functional, out on the road?

We’ve had a good run, it sold out in Edinburgh and it’s the best reviewed show I’ve done for years. A couple of years ago, there was a backlash against me. I got a couple of one-stars and there was maybe a feeling I wasn’t as good as people thought I was.

Do negative reviews ever bother you?

No, you have to take the good with the bad in this world. You can’t be the type of comic I am and expect everybody to like you, either.

Do you still enjoy winding people up?

Of course. It’s not my intent to upset people, but it is expected, so I did play up to it a little. I don’t angle my material that way – I like the jokes that I think are funny. It just turns out that I have a particularly sick sense of humour! For the most part, I don’t go for offensive – I go for funny.

What new topics have made the cut?

There is a bit of autobiographical stuff – I am having a kid soon. There’s three or four short stories and if you want to hear me doing the atheist stuff, there will be a bit in there, too.

Do you enjoy doing your ‘greatest hits’?

It seems to be what people like to hear me doing. There will be a few sex jokes, and all that good stuff, too. That said, I have a story about an aeroplane ride, which sounds pretty mundane, but it is probably some of the best stuff I’ve done. Now, with that and the US TV show Legit, the people that gave me one star probably feel a bit foolish.

Photos: Barry J Holmes

What’s Legit about then?

My job in Hollywood is to be a stand-up and try to sell TV shows to different networks. I have sold a few scripts before, but this is the first one that has been made in to a full season.

You’ve got 13 episodes already ...

We did the pilot last October and we start filming again this October for episode two.

It’s basically stories from my stand-up put into sitcom form – the pilot features me taking a friend with muscular dystrophy to a brothel, which was big piece in my last tour. We have DJ

Daisy Duke just out of shot Squalls – he was the skinny guy in Road Trip, as the kid with muscular dystrophy – and we have Dan Bakkedahl from The Daily Show as my best friend and Mini Sterling, too, who was Doctor Evil’s wife in Austin Powers.

There’s a big gap between the episodes ...

Yeah, I am trying to lose about 12 pounds before we start because the second carries on from the first and in it I was a lot lighter.

A year has passed and I have got a little fatter.

Do you have to temper your sense of humour for TV? It’s on FX, not HBO, so we can’t swear, but part of me wants to reach a larger audience, and maybe sell it to the UK and Australia. My experience is that you come in with a script and then they rewrite it so it looks nothing like the show you went in with. But here it still looks much like what I had in my head to begin with.

What have you learnt about TV? It doesn’t have to be too joke-heavy, story is more important. If you go joke-joke-joke, you’ll end up with something like that shitty [BBC One] sitcom In With The Flynns. It’s all jokes, but is it any good? No, it’s rubbish. Story is more important than anything, and if you can laugh along the way then that is great. The Office had a great story.

Are you comfortable with acting?

Not yet, I think I’ll get better as the show goes on. But I am lucky that, as the show’s creator, no one comes in and gives me grief if I don’t get it on the first take. I am exec producer and could write anyone of the other actors out of the show – just have them killed off!

Do you enjoy living in the US? I drive a Dodge Challenger the same colour as in the Dukes Of Hazzard and I don’t think I’d be able to get away with that in Britain.

Do you miss anything from back home?

I miss family and friends, but I go back every year to see everyone. I’m happy with my girlfriend and the baby on the way – that’s my family now.

I’m not becoming American, or my kid, but I do follow baseball. Once they got rid of the North Sydney Bears, I was done with Australian sport.

Is stand-up on hold for a while then?

Until January or February, when I’ll have to write a new hour of material. My plan is to get a second season, and then try and write a movie.

Hopefully, if the show is successful then people will call me a writer instead of a comedian.

Jim Jeffries’ Fully Functional. Lyric Theatre, Sept 17. 7.30pm £20 Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7ES nimaxtheatres.com Piccadilly Circus

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‘So, tell me about your sexual fantasies ... ‘

HOPE SPRINGS FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Meryl Streep, Steve Carrell, Tommy Lee Jones | 12A | 99mins

PREMIUM RUSH FILM Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt | TBC | 91mins

Gordon Levitt – last seen in The Dark Knight Rises – stars in this action flick as a bike courier chased around the Big Apple by Michael Shannon’s dirty cop. Like Speed, but with pedal power replacing automotive transportation.

It sounds dumb, but has rave reviews Stateside, and in Levitt and Shannon you’ve got two quality actors not usually known for action cinema – yet.

On general release September 14

26

Romantic comedies, more frequently known by their abbreviated handle, are most commonly the preserve of the young – boy and girl meet, complications keep them apart before the final-reel embrace. Hope Springs is nothing of the sort; it’s a middle-aged romcom as Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep’s married couple ponder where the love in their marriage went.

Arnold and Kay have been married 31 years, the children have moved out, had kids of their own, and they’ve settled in to a routine as a result, as well as separate rooms. Intimacy is not regular anymore, shall we say. So Kay takes them off to see Steve Carrell’s couples therapist, Dr Feld, for a week-long intensive course, with hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt results.

Watching Arnold squirm through therapy sessions as he’s asked about his sexual fantasies is hilarious, his awkward, insular nature slowly broken down and thawed, but the film’s trump card is its emotional honesty. Vanessa Taylor’s screenplay ensures neither partner is wholly to blame, the intricacies of their history revealed piece by piece in the portrayal of a relationship that’s believably complex.

Lee Jones and Streep are superb in their roles; he as a gruff penny-counter prone to complaining and ruled by routine, her as a lonely housewife struggling to catch her husband’s eye. Director David Frankel keeps things simple – there are few cinematic tricks, techniques or flashy moves here and even music is kept to a minimum – but with a cast this good he has no reason to do otherwise.

GOOD FOR: Showing the young ones they don’t have a stranglehold on relationship dramas

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GIVE US A

MARK THOMAS: BRAVO FIGARO

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The politically-minded stand-up and campaigner – Coca Cola once asked of him, pathetically, why he kept picking on them, after he sought to publicise their shady developing-world deeds – brings a new show to town that focuses on his late father and his paradoxical love of opera. A moving Edinburgh hit.

Ha ha!

Tricycle Theatre 269 Kilburn Road, NW6 7JR. Sept 10-22. £18+ Brondesbury tricycle.co.uk

TEKKEN ART EXHIBITION

AN INCIDENT AT THE BORDER

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Forget all the athletes and health freaks who’ve been sprinting round the East End, this exhibition celebrates the sofa-bound gamers out there – sort of. Games fans are invited to submit photos of art inspired by the famous game – tattoos, paintings, sculptures, the works – with the best ones chosen for exhibition.

Entertaining though it is, Kieran Lynn’s short new play – about a young couple on a park bench suddenly divided by a new border drawn between them a military jobsworth forbids them to cross – isn’t much more than an overextended comic sketch with serious undertones.

Winning performances, though.

East Gallery E1 6SA. Sept 14-16. Free Old Street eastgallery.co.uk / @wearetekken

Trafalgar Studios 2 Whitehall, SW1A 2DY. Until Sept 15 £20+ Charing Cross atgtickets.com

JOE HUNTER You’re the MC at the Camden Comedy Sessions – what’s the show all about? Philosophically, it’s about giving young comics a forgiving space to grow. But generally our values go out of the window and we wind up plunging them straight into a cauldron of hate.

What is the funniest thing you’ve seen this week? I saw a very old man trying to dress for summer, wearing knee-high woollen socks and 30-year-old khakis.

Photos: Sukan Draw; MarilynKingwill

When was the Sessions’ first show and how did it go? Our first show here was last year and it was filled with 16-year-old Australian scouts drinking lemonade. This was a frightening exprience as a compere, as I know nothing about camping, tents or woggles.

TO ROME WITH LOVE

SOUL SISTER

FILM

THEATRE

After moving his filmmaking to London, seemingly, to rejuvenate his creative juices, Woody Allen (each new film being touted as a return to form) has now moved to Europe.

Barcelona, Paris, and now the Italian capital play host to his witty lyricisms. This newbie’s an ensemble drama featuring the likes of Jesse Eisenberg, Penelope Cruz and Ellen Page.

From her early days as Anna Mae Bullock leaving Nutbush Tennessee for big city life to the revival of her global popularity several decades later, this lively new musical charts Tina Turner’s story with panache. You wouldn’t expect historical background from a biomusical, and don’t get it, but Emi Wokoma as Tina is simply the best.

On general release September 14

Savoy The Strand, WC2R 0ET. Until Sept 29 £25+ Charing Cross atgtickets.com

Who is the funniest person you have met in your life? My Dad, but he is only retrospectively funny.

He is growing onions in his secondfloor living room. Not only is he funny, but he actively encourages funny smells, too.

Camden Comedy Sessions

Camden Head,

NW1 0LU. Sept 11. 7.30pm

Mornington

Crescent

camdenhead.com

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Are you ready to party?: Ryan Kwanten’s one of FFA’s stars

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A lighter shade of ’Straya Forget depressing crime dramas, this festival of contemporary Australian cinema is set to bring the funnies WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON Not all Australian films have to be about the Outback, kangaroos and koalas. Similarly, not all Aussie movies have to be as slit-your-own-wrists-in-despair depressing as last year’s monumental but incredibly draining Snowtown. These sentiments have been at the forefront of the minds of the folk behind FilmFest Australia, which on Friday kicks off two weekends of movies celebrating Down Under cinema’s more joyful, jubilant and life-affirming side.

There’s always been a incongruity between the international perception of Australia – a land of sun-kissed larrikins with a laidback attitude to life – and the often dark cinematic portrayals of life there: think Wolf Creek, the aforementioned Snowtown and Chopper.

Perhaps now, with a natural resources boom and the resulting prosperous economy, Australia is beginning to lighten up a little. Perhaps.

“Cinema reflects the mood of the nation,” festival programmer Moira McVean says. “The thing I love about Aussie cinema is the raw, gritty voice, it is really unpretentious and can be really out there, but it really embraces comedy as well, and this year we really tried to focus on the lighter side of Australian cinema.”

Leading the laughs are the likes of sterility comedy Not Suitable For Children, a breakout hit at the 2012 Sydney Film Festival for first-time director Peter Templeman; commitment-phobia romcom Any Questions For Ben?; impending marriage comedy A Few Best Men, from Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert director Stephan Elliot; and the world premiere of comedy musical Goddess, a kitsch Tasmanian musical concoction that co-stars Ronan Keating as an ecowarrior (honestly).

There are also, though, plenty of films screening that are not about relationships and the amusing affect they have on our lives. There’s everything from noir thrillers and family dramas to slice-of-life realism, too – as well as disarming documentaries such as Life In Movement, about the late Sydney Opera Dance Company artistic director Tanja Liedtke.

Plus there’s Flickerfest, a programme of stunning new shorts, that, in a nod to the cinema experience of years gone by, play before the main feature.

The change in tone isn’t the only thing new about the festival. There’s a fresh name for the event formerly (for the past 17 years) known as the London Australian Film Festival,

and a new residence; previously at the Barbican, FilmFest Australia now calls the Picturehouse cinemas in Clapham and Hackney home.

And there’s also some weighty support behind the event, with 2012 Australian Of The Year Geoffrey Rush and Lawless star Noah Taylor its twin patrons for the season.

While the quality of Australian films to have emerged

“

We tried to focus on the lighter side

”

over the course of the last few years has been undoubtedly high, it has been this quality and spark married with crosscultural appeal that has ensured international success.

Breakout successes have now translated to other markets – think Animal Kingdom’s run to Oscar glory that had Jacki Weaver nab the Best Actress award for her turn as the terrifying matriach of a notorious crime family – and this year, especially, demonstrates an increasing success for homegrown Aussie cinema outside of the Lucky Country.

Elliott’s A Few Best Men, for example, has a down-themiddle, half-and-half Australian and British cast, including Kris Marshall, Kevin Bishop and Xavier Samuel, and opened here nationwide only a few weeks ago.

“There are so many releases of Australian films [in Britain],” Moira explains. “That shows distributors here are recognising the great product coming from Australia – and we are able to support that.”

Aussie cinema has never been in such rude health, and there is no better time for this newly named, newly reborn fest to celebrate this. So get down, check out the stars of tomorrow and join the party.

TNT’S PICKS OF THE FESTIVAL ›› FilmFest Australia. Sept 14-16, Clapham Picturehouse 76 Venn Street, SW4 0AT Clapham Common September 21-23, Hackney Picturehouse 260 Mare Street, E8 1HE Hackney Central filmfestaustralia.org.uk

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Clockwise: Any Questions For Ben?; Goddess; Toomelah

FILMFEST AUSTRALIA: TNT’S MUST-SEES Not Suitable For Children

Any Questions For Ben?

Hearthrob Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) stars in this quirky romcom as a party animal twenty-something struck down with the news he has testicular cancer, they have to op and he’ll be sterile afterwards. Before it’s too late, he decides to find a mate for his seed, and finds more than he bargained for in best mate Sarah Snook. Peter Templeman’s debut feature wowed at the Sydney Film Fest this year and is sure to be a crowd pleaser here, too. European premiere.

When: Sept 14, Clapham, 6.45pm; Sept 21, Hackney, 6.45pm

Snowtown’s creepy-as-fuck Ben Henshall is in this one.

Luckily here, though, he is the best mate to commitmentphobe Ben (Josh Lawson), in this finding-the-right-one romcom. With broad humour, relationship insights, and a warm, winning cast – including Rachel Taylor as the one that might make a difference – this is a heart-warming flick. You’d expect no less from Rob Sitch, the director of The Dish. UK premiere.

When: Sept 22, Hackney, 6pm

The Eye Of The Storm

Swerve

Geoffrey Rush and Judy Davis are two siblings returning to their dying mother’s (Charlotte Rampling) side in Sydney after years of estrangement. This powerful tale of familial dysfunction from acclaimed director Fred Schepisi marries keen observational drama, with a perverse sense of humour.

UK premiere.

When: Sept 15, Clapham, 6pm; Sept 23, Hackney, 6pm

The Flinders Ranges serve as the backdrop for this noir thriller that pits a soldier (Aussie-turned-part-timeHollywood-star David Lyons), a disgruntled and manipulative woman (Emma Booth) and a crooked copper (Jason Clarke, currently starring in John Hillcoat’s Lawless) on a collision course over a case of money. With black comedy, a sultry, tone and a bucketload of twists, this will have even Coen Brothers fans guessing right to the end. UK premiere.

When: Sept 22, Hackney, 8.45pm

Toomelah This Aboriginal community drama, set in director Ivan Sen’s mother’s titular hometown on the borders of Queensland and New South Wales, tells of a young boy’s battle to take the right path in life. Unashamedly naturalistic, spirited and featuring a standout turn from newcomer Daniel Connor, it received a standing ovation at Cannes this year.

When: Sept 16, Clapham, 8.15pm; Sept 21, Hackney, 9.15pm

Goddess

Australian of the year: Rush heads this Aussie cinema royalty cast

30

Boyzone’s Ronan Keating, Laura Michelle Kelly, who played Mary Poppins in the stage musical, and musical numbers performed by a housewife singing for an online audience from her kitchen sink – this is a wholly unique, offbeat offering from the team behind Priscilla: Queen Of The Desert. European premiere.

When: Sept 15, Clapham, 8.45pm.

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AFL

Grand Final

Party 2012 at Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes Beamed in live from the MCG in Melbourne, Australia 5 Large Screens

Australian Craft Beers

Footy Marathon of classic Grand Final’s Past

Post Match Analysis on stage

Half Time Handball Competition

On-Site Barista serving Monmouth Coffee

Hot Pies & Sausage Rolls from the Fleet River Bakery.

Buy tickets from www.wegottickets.com

Saturday 29th September 3:30am - 8.00am - Tickets £7.00 www.bloomsburybowling.com Basement of the Tavistock Hotel, Bedford Way, London WC1H 9EU Bloomsbury Lanes are proudly Australian owned and operated

Exciting new website selling local pay-as-you-go sim cards for over 40 countries

Cheap calls, texts and internet browsing – with no roaming costs!

Great savings for groups using local sim cards Local phone number emailed upon purchase Sim cards delivered to your door anywhere in the world

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SPARETIME

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@tntmagazine

Everyone Sing Wii game

Sing solo or in groups to the latest pop tracks in this karoke-party challenge. £24.99 17.99

CD

The wait is over: the sumptuous indie-electro troupe are back. £9.99 tesco.com

NHL 13 The Script: #3

PS3

The latest, updated, innovation-brandishing ice hockey gamer. £39.99 play.com

CD

The Irish pop-rockers are back with their third long player of crowd-pleasing, sing-along tunes. £8.99 play.com

Noteshelf iPad app

Clearly designed and proudly user-friendly, this helps you organise your i-life with ease. £3.99 itunes.apple.com

Patty O’Furniture: The Vacant Casualty Book

A parody/piss-take of the yet-to-be-published Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling.

Definitely not official. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

Little Sailor Samsung

Learn how to sail with this surprisingly detailed and informative simulator.

Free samsungapps.com

Martina Cole: The Life Book

Soon-to-be-bestselling newbie from the megabestselling author. £19.99 amazon.co.uk

Electronic Money Counting Jar Gadget

Throw your coppers in the jar, and it automatically counts how much there is. Genius. £14.99 amazon.co.uk

American Pie 4: Reunion DVD

The gang’s all back for their high school reunion, and Jim’s dad is still ace. £12.99 amazon.com

Golf Ball Glasses Gadget

These blue-lensed glasses make anything that’s white stand out. No more lost balls. £12.95 boysstuff.co.uk

Homeland DVD

The award-snaffling CIAterrorism drama is out for boxset indulgence. £21.99 play.com

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App of the Week Pris: A Unique Mobile Camera App

A deliciously simple app for Instagram fans. It’s loaded with shortcuts and tricks aplenty to make photos easier and more fun. £1.49 itunes.apple.com

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Green Messenger Bag This understated man-bag is perfect for all those bits you carry in your pockets.

Classy Wardrobe dress Shun all-things grey with this belle coral outfit by Vayana.

Crown Love Team Prince Harry After his shenanigans, everyone’s a fan of the third in line to the throne.

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SHOPWATCH SHOP AT BLUEBIRD

During London Fashion Week, Brazilian designers will take over at the design-led concept store Shop on Bluebird. The funky neighbourhood-favourite outlet will showcase some of the most talented individuals in Brazilian fashion and design, including Andrea Marques from Rio, who’s obsessed with floral patterns; embroidered party dress expert Barbara Bela; and leather artist Patricia Viera. Each of these designers has just come back from presenting, or having had a whole show, at Sao Paulo Fashion Week – meaning they’re pegged as the next big names.

You could take home an original label design from a future megastar in fashion this week. The Latin American pop-up will only be available from September 14-28, so get in there quick.

Many items will be one-offs and sizes are limited.

OPEN Mon-Sat, 10am-7pm; Sun, 12pm-5pm COST From £55 theshopatbluebird.com 350 Kings Road, SW3 5UU South Kensington

Autumn Days

JuJu Tortoise wellies Festival season may be over, but autumn brings new reasons to wear wellies.

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Classic Solid watch Add a burst of colour to your outfit with this funky piece. ice-watch.com

Oasis Pocket Barrel Bag Get that old back-toschool feeling with this sachel-style bag.

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Falling for you These golden leaf earrings are the perfect accessory for autumn.

Toots McSkibum Look ultra-cool in this turquoise, Teal Ribbed Beanie.

eclecticeccentricity.co.uk

Black canvas pumps Stomp around in these trendy, east Londonstyle trainers. Solid.

tootsmcskibum.com

prettygreen.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

RIP TRAINING If your summer eating and drinking binge has left you with a bit of a bulge, this London class may be just the ticket. Train with a newfangled device called a ‘rip trainer,’ and you could get a six-pack that will make Peter Andre look fat.

What makes this bit of TRX kit different is that it was developed by a physical therapist, and the former US Tae Kwon-do champ Pete Holman. And he’s ripped. Londonbased trainer Mark Rahaman reckons users can maximise their core workout with rip training with control, and without damaging themselves. “It works every angle of the core,” he says, “while keeping the spine in a neutral position so you don’t damage or put a stress or a heavy load on your discs.” Rahaman, has started offering one-to-one rip training sessions and rip training as part of his boot camps.

The best bit is that Rahaman reckons participants only need to do rip training twice a week to see banging results. One-to-one training sessions start from £60 or join in a group boot camp session for £10 every Mon, Wed and Fri from 7.40am to 8.25am.

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Kayak to fitness Sick of your humdrum workout? Hit the Thames and change your perspective WORDS JADE BREMNER It’s 6.45am and I’m kayaking against the tide of the Thames. When I signed up for this early morning session with Kayaking London, I knew that my upper body, legs and core strength would be challenged – but this doesn’t feel like a gentle cruise down the river, more like an expedition.

Ten minutes in and my arms are pumped.

But the current (and my guide) takes no prisoners, and I struggle to keep up.

Approximately 14,475 gallons a second is discharged in the central London section of the river, meaning if caught by a nasty rip, I could get swept away into oncoming boat traffic or, worse, capsize.

Taking a drink of the Thames’ sewageinfested water could potentially give me a bunch of nasty diseases, including Wiles disease and leptospirosis. Such thoughts are a welcome distraction from the tough workout. “Don’t fall in, don’t fall in,” I repeat to myself.

On the banks, there’s a similar atmosphere to a marathon crowd, with people waving and cheering, attracted by our flotilla of colourful little boats and their captains with death wishes. Each time I try to

give up ploughing through the brown juice, one of London’s epic landmarks, including the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, lures me in for a closer look.

“Paddling against the tide develops skill, increases stamina and finer boat control,” instructor Harry Whelan says, urging me on.

However, Whelan’s been paddling nearly as long as he’s been walking – he’s circuited the UK in his canoe, and makes this exigent morning paddle look effortless.

On the way back, it’s even harder as the wind pushes against me. “You’re lucky; you get to see the Thames in its ever-changing moods,” Whelan says. “It’s even better in the dead of winter, there are more challenges like the crisp cold, and you get to see the sun as it rises on the water.”

I’m not convinced, and think Whelan’s possibly a bit bonkers, but one thing’s for sure: I’ve had the workout of my life.

Kayak London sessions, Wed 6.45am and Sat 8.15am. £15. Leaving from Cremorne Riverside, Cremorne Gardens, Lots Road, SW10 0QH kayakinglondon.com

Russell Square, W1 markrfitness.com Russell Square

Take the plunge: go swimming 34

On the go: early morning running

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AUTUMN FEVER

Hair Emergency Kit Repair your locks with milk_shake £9.99 milkshakehaircare.co.uk

Rolling on the river: hit the Thames OTHER EARLY MORNING WORKOUTS

Beach Body Blitz WHAT: Drop into this all-round cardio shape and tone class for spinning, step, circuits, aerobics and dance. Routines are tailored to focus on legs, abs, arms, bottoms.

COST: £10 per session.

WHEN & WHERE: Wednesdays, 6.45am.

West Health Yard, 174 Mill Lane, NW6 1TB. SEE: myfitnessboutique.co.uk

Running WHAT: Push through your hangover on Sunday morning with an early morning longdistance run in Richmond Park. The circuit is seven miles and there are plenty of running groups for different speeds.

COST: Free.

WHEN & WHERE: Sunday, 9am sharp.

Meet at the information point in Richmond Park, TW10 5HS. SEE: serpentine.org.uk

Crimson Fire Lipstick Go bold with this vibrant Smooch hue £7.50 smoochcosmeticsuk.com

Swimming WHAT: Start the day by getting wet. Finchley Lido is open super-early so you can get a few lengths in before work in their 25m outdoor pool. Freezing cold? Jump into their 29°C indoor pool to warm up.

COST: £5.50 per session.

WHEN & WHERE: Mon-Fri from 6.45am. Finchley Lido Leisure Centre, NEXT WEEK Great North Leisure Park, Chaplin Square, In the ring. TNT N12 0GL. goes boxing SEE: gll.org

Neutrogena Backhead Scrub Exfoliate for top-looking skin £3.50 tesco.com

Photos: Kayak London; Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: THERMAL SPA This labyrinth of pleasure rooms has got to be experienced at least once to be fully appreciated. The spa’s six chambers include a Middle Eastern-style hammam (complete with tiled seats to relax in), hot rooms that vary in temperature from cosy to intense, and monsoon showers – with all sorts of aromatherapy smells and water jets to stimulate and relax different areas of your body. £24 York Hall Leisure Centre, E2 9PJ

spa-london.org

Bethnal Green

Frontcover Smoulder Eyes All that your peepers need £25 frontcovercosmetics.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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In the spotlight We delve behind the scenes at London Fashion Week to find out what it’s really like working in the industry WORDS CAROL DRIVER Fashion, darling. If you thought a career in the industry was all about air kisses, fake accents and schmoozing, think again (although, of course, there’s always some of that).

There’s more to a catwalk show than designers; and more to a photoshoot than models. You don’t have to be mad about the clothing sector to work in it.

As London Fashion Week (Sept 14-18) proves, stylists are needed, hairdressers are sought-after, make-up artists are a necessity – and there are plenty of people doing the jobs in between.

But, although it may seem like a glamorous industry to work in, with lots of potential for travel, you’ll be expected to put in the hours.

Catherine Dearden, placement team leader at the London College Of 36

Fashion’s Fashion Business Resource Studio, says the best way to get a foot in the door is to network.

“Often it’s about who you know in the fashion industry,” she says. “Get out there – attend events, be prepared to sell your skills at every opportunity.

You need to be persistent – and ready for some rejection along the way.”

To dip your toe in the water before committing to a career, bag yourself some work experience. “Interning is almost essential in the fashion industry.

It’s a great way to gain insight into a company, you can develop core skills, and build future networks,” she adds.

In terms of qualifications, the London College Of Fashion offers everything from part-time short courses to postgrad MAs. But go

into the industry with your eyes open.

“Be open-minded,” Dearden says. “The fashion industry is not one-size-fits-all, and if you choose a career in it, it can be exciting, rewarding and fun. Just be prepared to put in the hard work to get there.”

James Brackenbury, 23, who lives in Seven Sisters, is a sales executive with Vivienne Westwood. He sells the collections to stores across the world.

After studying for a degree in Contemporary Art Practices, Brackenbury decided to get into fashion, interning in the sales department after working in a Vivienne Westwood store for three years. After his placement, he was offered a job.

“If you want to get into the fashion industry, persevere. Interning can be

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB CLAIRE BULLOCK CAREER Meetings & events manager, Lord’s Cricket Ground AGE 31 LIVES Surrey How did you get into your line of work?

Seven years ago, I worked in a small PR and events agency where I found my love for events.

Photos: Getty; Christopher Appleton

Appleton in action, and, right, at Paris Fashion Week

brutal at times, but WHAT COURSE? Hairdresser Of The Year. it gives you access Fancy learning in your spare time?

He can now be found to companies and London College Of Fashion offers doing photoshoots professional situations part-time and flexible courses for the likes of Vogue, that would never – perfect if you’re not ready to Marie Claire, Grazia, ordinarily be available ditch your current job for a career in Look and Vanity Fair. to you,” he says. “And the spotlight. Check out the list at “At London you get to travel fashion.arts.ac.uk/courses/flexible Fashion Week, I’ll be – I get to go to Milan.” assisting hairdressers INSPIRATION Brackenbury has on numerous shows, The college’s Catherine Dearden also rubbed shoulders doing catwalk hair says look at the best of fashion with the stars, meeting – fast. Working with – such as Stella McCartney – for Kanye West, Paloma celebrities is part inspiration. But she adds there’s Faith, Jessie J and Janet of the job, anyone always scope to become the next Jackson. “Kanye was from Lady Gaga to big thing. For up-and-coming quite dismissive, the Claudia Schiffer.” designers to check out, see Louise rest were lovely,” he When it comes to Gray, Christopher Raeburn, Mary adds. “During London salary, Appleton says Katrantzou and Ada Zanditon.

Fashion Week, I’ll be if you want big bucks, working the door, expect to long hours. which will include a lot of crowd “It’s not a 9-5 job. You’re always on it, control, ensuring buyers are seated pushing boundaries and ideas. I travel and taken care of. It’s a stressful so much, I sometimes don’t know environment, but as soon as the lights where I am!” And when it comes to go down and you know you have done qualifications, Appleton says: “Apart your job it is worth it,” he explains. from the usual NVQs and training, you In a job similar to Brackenbury’s, you need creativity, passion, commitment, can expect to earn between £24k-£50k. and broad shoulders! “Just keep But, if you fancy a more handspushing and don’t take no for on role, look into hairdressing. an answer.

Session stylist Christopher Appleton “It’s a fast pace NEXT WEEK (christopherappleton.co.uk), 29, started and you have in a salon in Leicester aged 13, working to ride that Working a ski his way up through the ranks before wave otherwise season in Europe winning awards, including BBC Young you’ll drown.”

What do you do day-to-day?

I manage the meetings and events team and also co-ordinate some of the larger, higher-profile events.

What’s the best part of your job?

It is very satisfying to work with my clients, building up our relationship over the years and seeing their events come to life on the event day after sometimes a year of planning.

What’s the most challenging?

In the current economic climate, clients still want to do amazing events, but with lower budgets. Our aim is to deliver the best events for clients without compromising on our high standards. lords.org

HOW TO... GET

A SECOND JOB

Want to save for that next trip, but finding it hard on one wage?

Get another job on the side.

• Chat it through with your

current employer first to make sure there aren’t any contractual issues to take into account.

• Don’t get a job in a late-

night bar if you’re also doing early-morning work – your performance will suffer.

• Don’t go for something too similar to your current job.

Go for something you enjoy so that you don’t get bored.

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SUMMER WORK IN THE 2013 Small historic country house Bed & Breakfast on Nantucket Island (off Cape Cod, near Boston) seeks fulltime housekeepers/cleaners/chambermaids to help us run our INN.

Evolve Hospitality is looking to recruit with immediate start for the following roles...

Experienced Silver Service Staff – up to £8 an hour Waiters and Waitresses – up to £7.50 an hour Chef de Parties – up to £12 an hour Pastry Chefs – up to £14 an hour FREE front of house training to all new candidates!

Please send your CV to: symmone@evolvehospitality.co.uk and specify in the subject line what job you are applying for.

Evolve Hospitality specialises in supplying staffing solutions to the Hospitality and Catering industry.

We believe in evolving the standards of service, be it in a Michelin-starred restaurant, a 5* hotel or an events venue.

OUR PASSION FOR HOSPITALITY COMES FROM OUR INHERENT UNDERSTANDING OF INDUSTRY OPERATIONS AND WE DEDICATE OURSELVES TO CREATING CLOSE BONDS WITH CLIENTS AND CANDIDATES ALIKE.

Applicants must be cheerful, friendly, flexible, hardworking, fluent in English, NON-SMOKING, healthy, female, over age 21 and have a genuine interest in hospitality, tourism and travel to assist owners/ innkeepers in operation of an INN with 11 guestrooms. A commitment of 6-8 months is essential.

Shared housing/accommodations, salary, tips and work visa provided. Anchor Inn will be a sponsor for H2B work VISA from May-Nov / or early Dec 2013.

Are you interested in living and working in the yachting, summer beach resort of NANTUCKET? Many of our past employees have been travelers from New Zealand, Australia, Sweden, Hungary, Scotland, Denmark and England on this seasonal work program.

Please send a thoughtful, detailed email introducing yourself, along with your CV, a recent photo, and personal/ work references and email address and contact phone number to anchorin@nantucket.net Let us know a bit about you, your interests, hobbies, work experiences, family and personal information...and why you are interested in this opportunity.

Have you been to the USA before for work or holiday?

We will select candidates for Skype interviews.

www.anchor-inn.net

tntjobs.co.uk PRIVATE ADVERT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Part-time, Live-in Child Care/Mothers Help Location: Notting Hill (Near Portabello) Salary: On Application (includes Accommodation) Duties include picking kids up (aged 5 and 8) from school/clubs, assisting with homework, shopping/errands, light cooking and some babysitting. Approx 3pm – 7pm, 4/5 days per week + some evening babysitting. Must be fun, energetic & English speaking. Accomm includes a lovely double bedroom, and separate bathroom & kitchenette.

Poppy Adams | 07528 525263 | poppybarter@btopenworld.com

CLARENDON HOME CARE T: 020 8546 2208 www.clarendonhomecare.com Clarendon Home Care is a long established, family run care provider and we have clients across Surrey.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Home Care Assistant Location: Surrey Salary: £ 8.25-£14.70 ph You will support people living in their own homes with all aspects of daily living, from personal care through to shopping and general housekeeping.

We provide full training, so no experience is necessary.

Please apply at: www.clarendonhomecare.com or call 020 8546 2208

www.newfrontiers.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Travel Consultant Location: Greater London Salary: Good basic salary and excellent commission

A leading specialist worldwide tour operator is looking to recruit a sales person to sell their exciting product.

This challenging role would suit someone bright, enthusiastic and excited to work for one of the world’s leading brands. Duties include: Advising clients and selling worldwide destinations, providing excellent customer service and working to targets.

NEW FRONTIERS T: 0845 202 2222

Email your CV to Zoe | zoe@newfrontiers.co.uk

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY 38

JOBS

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

FREE JUICE Xxxxxxxxx Feeling fruity? We are.

We’ve just realised we XXXXXXXXX can drink the stuff for Xxxxxxxxxxx free. Until December buy a ‘try me free’ bottle of XXXXXXXXX Ocean Spray then send off Xxxxxxxxxxx your till receipt to their freepost address (below) XXXXXXXXX and they’ll give you up to Xxxxxxxxxxx a total of £2.30 back.

XXXXXXXXX FREEPOST RSZS-LUKS-YTZ, Xxxxxxxxxxx Ocean Spray 100% Try Me Free, PO Box 487, Gateshead, NE8 9BQ

Photos: Getty

GREEN FINGERS? Gardening and eco fans should pop by Starbucks this week – apparently they’re giving away five pound bags of coffee grounds, which you can poor all over your garden.

It’s one of Starbucks’ recycling initiatives (a good way for them to shift waste for free, too).

fun. Go out and meet people, spend money.

Last big blow-out?

I’ve just spent about £1000 on holiday. I went to Mallorca and the money went on villas and speedboats. I was pretty wasteful with my cash, but you can do that once in a while, can’t you?

JOB Restaurant owner FROM UK LIVES London

enough cash to be able to buy the things I want, but I don’t overspend. I’m pretty cautious.

How do you budget?

I’m pretty careful with the money that I get. I earn

Any money-saving tips for living in London?

Pay your rent and then have

JOHNNY SMITH, 31

HOW THEY SPEND IT! The price of beauty It was revealed last week that Kim Kardashian spends over £1250 on beatifying herself each week. Blimey.

GET NEW TRAINERS Reebok’s EasyTone trainers are going for a steal this week. They’ve slashed prices on the built-in balance-ball shoes by 40 per cent if you have the secret code. Luckily we do.

It’s EASYTONE40GB. Visit Reebok’s website, select your favourite shoe and tap in the magical code when you check out. shop.reebok.com/gb/shop

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Luxury items. We all spend money on non-essential stuff. Sunglasses, shoes, meals out – none of this is essential.

It costs to look this good

❚ Jennifer Aniston is another sucker for expensive products. She’s been reported to spend over £5000 per month on pricey moisturisers, facials and er... eating fish.

❚ It’s rumoured that megastar singer Rihanna spends a whopping £630k on her hair treatments per year.

Around £12k per week goes straight to celebrity stylist Ursula Stephen.

❚ Apparently Serena Williams spends £3100 on each bath she takes. Reason being, she can’t bare to get in the tub unless it’s filled with French Evian spring water, ooh la la.

❚ Kate Middleton is supposedly taking beauty advice from step-motherin-law Camilla, who’s into bee venom masks, priced at £34k per ounce. Ouch, that’s got to sting.

Do you want to start work immediately?

We can start you next day for full or part time, evenings or weekends!

• • • • •

Bar staff Waiters and room service Chefs - all catagories Housekeepers Hotel reception staff

Call us now on 02080904654 and start work today! or email your cv to tnt@supplyemploymentgroup.co.uk

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LIFESTYLELIVING HOME

STYLE .00

£28

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Top 5 hostels in the capital

Corsage by Jones Clocks A cool time machine debenhams.com

The lowdown on where to stay in London when you first arrive

.95

£31

WORDS CAROL DRIVER

Damask Cafetiere Wake yourself up in style lacafetiere.co.uk

59+

£3.

So you’ve just rocked up in London; backpack strapped to your shoulders and an iPhone in your hand. What next?

If you’re the adventurous type, you haven’t got anywhere to stay, preferring to play it by ear, or crash on mates’ sofas for a while.

The easiest thing to do is book into a hostel, especially if you’re travelling alone; you’ll meet plenty of like-minded people, and have a place to call home while you find your feet in this big bad city.

And you don’t have to be a new arrival – staying in a hostel is way cheaper than a hotel for a night out. Not sure where to start? Here’s our pick of the best.

Clink78, King’s Cross

Martha Stewart Create a workspace at home staples.co.uk

.99

£21

Lego Storage Bricks Store stuff in bright cubes clasohlson.com

40

WHAT: Set in a 200-year-old magistrates’ court, this popular temporary digs has guests staying in refurbished prison cells with the old courtroom transformed into communal areas. Surf the internet in the same room where The Clash famously went on trial in 1977; relax in the former workplace of Charles Dickens; or watch films in the old wood-panelled courtroom. Sup cheap pints in the Clash Bar – a basement, punk-themed space, with a late licence until 3am on Saturdays.

CHECKING IN: From 2.30pm – out by 10am.

DAMAGE: From £9pppn in a mixed dorm, including all-you-can eat breakfast in the large kitchen.

WHERE: 78 King’s Cross Road, WC1 9QG TUBE: King’s Cross SEE: clinkhostels.com

Generator, Russell Square WHAT: With plenty of themed parties (Michael Jackson tribute night anyone?) and regular entertainment, this central London hostel is the place to make friends.

Take part in the Monday night quiz, belt out a few tracks on karaoke Thursdays, or check out the live sport on the big screen in the bar, which is open until 3am every day.

The rooms are clean and boast colourful decor – choose from private, mixed or female-only dorms.

CHECKING IN: From 2pm – out by 10am.

DAMAGE: From £12.80pppn, including free walking tour and wifi. All-you-can-eat breakfast is £4.50 in the Generator Cafe.

Clean: St Christopher’s, above, Clink WHERE: 37 Tavistock Place, WC1H 9SE TUBE: Russell Square SEE: generatorhostels.com

St Christopher’s Inn, London Bridge WHAT: Dating back hundreds of years, to when travellers in horse-drawn carriages ››

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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£5 OFF GET £5 OFF PER PERSON PER NIGHT FOR THE FIRST 2 NIGHTS

GENERATORhostels.com/London T&C's: Bookings must be made directly on the website. Bring voucher and quote TNTO100912 upon check-in to receive th the discount. Subject to availability and only applicable to Generator Hostel London. Valid until 27 December 2012.

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tntjobs.co.uk BUSABA EATHAI T: 020 7291 1111 www.busaba.com Busaba Eathai, originally conceived in 1999 by Alan Yau (Wagamama, Hakkasan) is opening a new sister brand, Naamyaa Café, in October.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chef de partie and Sous chef Location: Angel, Islington Salary: Negotiable on experience. Excellent benefits/ incentives.

The successful candidate will have an innate understanding of Asian and European cuisine and be looking for excellent career development within a fun team environment. You will be driven, dedicated, ambitious and passionate about customer service through delivering culinary excellence.

Leila Botham | 020 7291 1129 | leila@busaba.com

TEACHING PERSONNEL T: 0203 056 7510 www.teachingpersonnel.com Teaching Personnel provides teachers and classroom support staff to thousands of schools across England and Wales.

MPP LTD www.nursing-personnel.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Primary School Teacher Location: South West London Salary: £100 to £135 per day An outstanding school in South West London is looking for a KS1 teacher from September 2012. Applications are welcome from NQT’s, FQT’s and Overseas Teachers. Please contact us for details on this and other opportunities.

Lloyd Curtis | 0203 056 7510 | lloyd.curtis@teachingpersonnel.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Payroll Administrator Location: Brentford, TW8 Salary: £25,000

We provide a medical recruitment service to healthcare providers. We have grown to be one of the largest and most respected medical and nursing agencies in the UK.

You will be responsible for maintaining a large payroll database and leading a team (3).

This is a frontline position. You’ll need a proactive work ethic and experience managing a team and meeting reporting deadlines.

STAGING CONNECTIONS PTY

JOB OF THE WEEK: Audio Visual Technicians Location: Australia Salary: Not specified.

www.stagingconnections.com

Ever thought about working and travelling in sunny Australia using your outstanding audio visual skills? Asia Pacific’s largest event staging services provider is offering contract roles that will allow you to combine work and play. If you are an Audio Visual Technician with experience in working in 5 star venues then we have the job for you.

All you need to do is apply for a working holiday visa and make your way to Australia.

We offer a total event management solution for audio visual, styling and theming, set design and multimedia content through to digital event services.

Toni Cooney | tonic@medicpp.co.uk

Mascha.jeschonke@scgl.com.au

PEACH NURSING T: 01582 635 149 peachnursing.com • Good rate of pay & regular income guaranteed for the right people • In-House / External Training Live Out positions • Daily Travel subsistence

JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Carers and Qualified Nurses Location: Central and North London Salary: Good Rate of Pay Peach Nursing are offering good rates of pay for Carers and RGNs to work in Central and NW London. We spacialise in Domiciliary Care for the discerning client who wishes to be cared for in their own home. If this is something you can do and you have the relevant experience, please forward your CV to info@peachnursing.com.

01582 635 149 | info@peachnursing.com

SLATER BESPOKE JOINERY (LONDON)

JOB OF THE WEEK: Cabinet Maker/Bench Joiner Location: South West London SW18 Salary: £14/hr (40+ hrs)

T: 075 1585 0356 www.slater-joinery.com

Looking to employ a trade qualified bench joiner experienced in high-end finishes. Must be able to conduct site surveys, manufacture and fit. Fluent English/clean driving licence essential. Quote Ref DPTL

Slater London is a high-end bespoke joinery company working from a modern workshop in Southfields.

PINNACLE CREW T: 0870 609 1993 www.pinnaclecrew.co.uk Pinnacle Crew is a leading provider of Event Crew. We are recruiting crew for the Olympics NOW!! We assist Production Teams and Event Companies with all aspects of Event Production.

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Joel Molinari | 07515 850 356 | joel@slater-joinery.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Olympic Events Crew Location: London Salary: On Application Role includes loading/unloading equipment, rigging/de-rigging equipment, AV, sound/ lighting. Building/dismantling stages, set and marquees. Candidates must be over 25, have Steel Toe Cap safety Boots, CSCS Card or SPA Card and able to work in UK (Work Permit, Visa) with NI Number and able to work flexible hours, including evenings/weekends.

Rui de Oliveira - 0118 989 4262 | www.pinnaclecrew.co.uk/join_the_crew.asp

7/9/12 17:33:30

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HOSTEL

ETIQUETTE Unsure of the rules when staying in a hostel? Here, Kash Bhattacharya – Twitter’s @BudgetTraveller – points you in the right direction. ✓ Keep it clean Remember your mum isn’t there to clean up your dishes or to pick up your dirty clothes. When you’re sharing a 10-bed dorm, make sure you smell good – showering daily is a sound idea. Body spray is not a substitute.

Chill out: make friends at Clink would stop overnight to recharge by a roaring fire, this homely hostel is above a traditional English pub. It’s next to St Christopher’s flagship venue, The Village, which boasts an onsite nightclub, cinema, comedy club and a chill-out room. As well as top DJs at Belushi’s (licensed until 4am on weekends), there are karaoke nights, beach parties and big screens showing live sports. The location is perfect for wandering through some of London’s best sights – including Borough Market for top grub.

CHECKING IN: 2pm – leave by 10am.

DAMAGE: £11.50pppn including free breakfast and wifi.

WHERE: 161-165 Borough High St, SE1 1HR TUBE: Borough SEE: st-christophers.co.uk

Photos: Generator; Clink; St Christopher’s

Swiss Cottage, Hampstead WHAT: If you like your accommodation a bit more upmarket, this award-winning boutique offers nicely furnished rooms, with beds that are already made up – perfect if you’re a late arrival. Recently refurbished, Palmers Lodges’ Swiss Cottage was the former lodge of Lord Palmer – hence its nod to all things luxurious – and prides itself on offering better service than many three-star hotels. Get ready to celebrate Australia Day in style at one of its top BBQs, and there are also themed parties throughout the year.

CHECKING IN: After 2pm – out by 11am.

DAMAGE: £23pppn including wifi and breakfast in the onsite restaurant.

ADDRESS: 40 College Crescent, NW3 5LB

✓ Washing your clothes Keep a small sachet of washing power or liquid for washing socks, underwear or smaller garments. You can do it while in the shower so kill two birds with one stone. ✓ Internet Many hostels offer free wifi, but don’t abuse this privilege by downloading movies or software updates. Use the free wifi for emails, checking Facebook and any light internet usage, so everyone can stay connected.

TUBE: Swiss Cottage SEE: palmerslodges.com

Journeys, Greenwich WHAT: This recently refurbished hostel is smack-bang in the middle of the hustle of Greenwich, surrounded by street markets and lively music venues. As well as being in a smart hostel, you’ll be staying in a top location. Check out the sights, including the Observatory, O2 Arena, and the maritime museum, then shoot pool in the downstairs Royal Standard pub. After, relax in the common room, watching the big TVs. CHECKING IN: From 2pm – out 11am.

DAMAGE: From £9pppn, including free wifi and continental breakfast.

NEXT WEEK ADDRESS: 86 Tanner’s Spotlight on living Hill, SE8 4PN in Canary Wharf SEE: visitjourneys.com

✓ Keep it quiet If you’re coming into your dorm late at night, don’t be rowdy. Use your smartphone iTorch4 flashlight app to help you find your way to your bunk. Do not turn on the light and wake up your fellow room mates. ✓ Sex in the dorm This is a big no-no. I was told by a hostel owner some hostels have designated ‘sex rooms’, but I have never come across such a thing. budgettraveller.org for more info and the Luxury Hostels Of Europe Guide

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WORLDVIEW

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In danger: World Wildlife Fund Australia has warned the blackflanked rock wallaby faces extinction unless action is taken to stop them being killed by foxes and feral cats

Good dogs: blue heelers

OWNER DIES, DOG SURVIVES FOR MONTH AUSTRALIA A brave blue heeler was found trapped in a toilet in a house after surviving for a month after his owner died.

Basil’s survival instincts kicked in and he rummaged around for food, finding a bag of dog treats in the kitchen. The K9 also discovered the best source of water was from the toilet – but managed to wedge the door shut, tapping himself inside.

Neighbours became suspicious when they hadn’t seen his owner – who died of natural causes – for weeks. Upon investigation, they found a thin Basil. “He was very, very hungry,” Colin Peterson said.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @MagpieManny: Might nick David Cameron’s shiny face. Not going to bother him, he’s got another one. @NYC_Blonde: Getting political on Facebook is like preaching a sermon at a bar to a bunch of drunk toddlers. @Charles_HRH Cabinet reshuffle like rearranging chairs on Titanic. Pointless

GINGERS CELEBRATE BEING, ER, GINGER HOLLAND Some 1400 redheads got together at a festival celebrating red hair in the Netherlands.

Less than two per cent of the world’s population are blessed with ginger locks, and at a festival in Breda, Holland, they got together for the annual event.

Many of the festival attendees, from all over Europe, chose to wear green, perhaps as a nod to Irish heritage.

The festival, known as ‘Roodharigan’, was attended by about 1400 gingers from 44

52 countries, and took over Breda city centre in Grote Markt square.

Events included large group photo shoots, fashion shows and ladies dressing as mermaids in a tribute to the Disney classic The Little Mermaid.

Roodharigan’s official website promises that “walking in the middle of all these redheads is something special”.

AIRLINE PASSENGER BITTEN BY SPIDER UNITED STATES A woman was left with a fistsized “oozing mass” on her thigh after she was bitten by a spider on a Delta Airlines flight.

Brandi DeLao, 38, had a nap

on her flight from Atlanta to South Africa, but woke up after she felt a pain in her leg.

She sought medical help after becoming feverish. After three operations, doctors finally managed to extract the venom.

The bite came from a deadly brown recluse spider, otherwise known as a violin spider, one of the most deadly creatures native to North America. “I would not wish that on my worst enemy for anything,” DeLao said. “It was horrible.” Delta spokesman Betsy Talton said that the aircraft had been checked: “That particular aircraft also was inspected after her flight and no infestation was found.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 16

Length, in feet, of python that slithered and stayed in the engine of a car for three miles at Kruger National park, SA

Time, in hours, spent by artist Simon Beck, creating each huge ‘crop circle’ in the snow of the French Alps

‘Why did the emu cross the ... oh’

5

EMUS TO GET OWN SUBWAYS

10

Number of fake US$50 bills a 35-year-old man tried to swallow after police caught him with fake cash in New York

AUSTRALIA Emus, the ‘big birds with little brains,’ are set to get their very own underpasses in New South Wales.

The state roads authority is worried the rare creatures will soon be wiped out as they get splattered crossing the busy highway. In an attempt to protect numbers, there are plans to build underpasses – similar to tunnels for reptiles and koalas who head towards the highways – later this year.

But Birdlife Australia representative Gary Whale said he was concerned the emu was too dumb to work out the tunnel was the best way to go to avoid being hit by a vehicle. “There is no evidence that emus have ever gone through an underpass.”

MUM OF 12 GIVES BIRTH TO FIVE

Photos: AAP; Thinkstock; Getty

AUSTRALIA A mum of 12 has given birth to quintuplets – taking her brood to 16.

The woman gave birth to two boys and three girls at Monash Medical Centre, but one of the girls has died.

A spokesman confirmed four babies were delivered healthy. “One unfortunately did not make it,” he told AAP. “Mum is doing well.”

The babies were delivered by caesarean section by a team of 30 specialists.

The 48-year-old, who conceived

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Age, in years, of glamorous grandmother Marion Finlayson, who returned to the catwalk in Scotland

Record breaker: message in bottle naturally, already has 12 children. The chances of conceiving quintuplets naturally is about one in 55 million, doctors say.

It is the first set of quintuplets born in Victoria in three decades.

MESSAGE IN BOTTLE FOUND AFTER 98YRS SCOTLAND It was scooped up from the sea after 98 years, and now officials say a message in a bottle discovered in Scotland has set a world record.

Fisherman Andrew Leaper found the bottle – released in 1914 – in his nets while sailing east of the Shetland Islands, which lie off Scotland’s northern coast.

Guinness World Records confirmed the find is the oldest message in a bottle, beating a previous record by five years.

It was released in a batch of 1890 bottles in a government experiment to map the undercurrents of the seas around Scotland.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK All those actors that tell you they don’t like seeing themselves on screen are lying Hollywood actor Samuel L Jackson is happy to watch his own films

7/9/12 17:59:55

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7/9/12 15:39:37

TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Obama can’t hide from his lack of economic success

America needs change as election time beckons

Photos: Getty

But Obama’s plans will be less about ‘change’ than before

The US presidential election race is underway and the November 6 finishing line is in sight. It’s going to be a much closer race than four years ago when Obama swept to power on the back of one word – ‘change’. Change from the Bush administration, Iraq, the financial crisis. America was on its knees, and he provided a history-changing way out. Fast forward to 2012 and Obama risks becoming a one-term president, his tenure undermined by a lack of achievement and a swell of economy-driven momentum behind his Republican opposition.

After its 2008 defeat, the Grand Old Party ditched the losers (where did Sarah Palin go, anyways?) and regrouped. A new leader emerged in the shape of Mitt Romney, the Mormon former governor for the traditionally blue state of Massachusetts. Officially unveiled as the Republic candidate last month, he has already managed to provide enough gaffes to make Bush Jr chuckle with pride at his public-speaking skill and worldly wisdom.

The difference between sheikh and sikh has proved tough for Romney to get to grips with, and he lambasted the UK on a visit here for being unprepared for the Olympics – the best contemporary Games, according to universal opinion.

Despite these errors, though, polls have shown Romney poses a very real threat to Obama – the US public trust him more with the economy; yet as a person, they prefer their current commander-in-chief. Which neatly surmises this campaign’s areas of conflict: Obama has to show he can deliver on improving America’s financial woes, as he acknowledged at last week’s Democratic Convention, where he promised the path to economic prosperity is within reach, but that there is no quick fix; Romney has to prove to voters he is human and likeable. Given both their prior records, they have equally tough challenges – and changes – ahead of them. It’s going to be brutal, make no mistake.

Change is needed, and coming, and let’s hope it is for the better. For all our sakes. » Would President Romney be a step back for the US? letters@tntmagazine.com

FIFTY SHADES OF ROMANCE Fifty Shades Of Grey is the UK’s best-selling novel ever, outselling even Harry’s Hogwarts heroics. It’s a tale of titillation featuring spanking, sex, handcuffs, sex, and more sex, or a traditional love story, like a Brief Encounter for our times. It’s more likely one than the other, and there’s no prizes for guessing which.

Yet, bizarrely, EL James has claimed the success of her steamy trilogy is due to it being an “old-fashioned love story” rather than its gigglesome domination.

The old adage that ‘sex sells’ has endured for a reason – it is true. Women

“

Sex sparked its rampant success

”

have been drawn to the ‘passionate relationship’ between Anastasia and billionaire Christian Grey, but it’s the sex at the heart of this relationship that sparked its rampant word-of-mouth success. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but let’s call a spade a spade, or, more to the point, let’s just call a paddle a paddle.

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Green & gold Meet the Green Party’s new leader Aussie Natalie Bennett WORDS OLI JONES

Natalie Bennett’s ascent and accent are both uncommon in British politics: the new Sydney-born leader of the Green Party still has a noticeable Aussie twang, and has worked in roles as diverse as a Thai bureaucrat and the editor of Guardian Weekly. The Greens’ former leader and first MP, Caroline Lucas, stepped down to allow the party’s talent to come forward – and it’s certainly been something of a baptism of fire for Bennett.

Within two days of assuming the leadership, the 45-year-old found herself on Newsnight opposite a typically belligerent Peter Lilley, talking climate change.

We caught up with her for a chat about how an agricultural studies graduate from Sydney ended up as the leader of the UK’s fourth political party.

Q

Do you worry that being an Aussie could affect your appeal over here?

I think, generally speaking, Green voters and potential Green voters tend to be much more open-minded. There is also an interesting advantage, in that having an Australian accent, I’m entirely outside the British class system.

Q

David Cameron promised the greenest government in history. Has he delivered?

Excuse me while have a little laugh and roll around on the floor in hysterics. Absolutely not. Last week’s reshuffle just shows, Owen Paterson appointed as environment secretary.

Justine Greening the standout minister against the third runway, demoted. I could go on and on. Cameron’s sought to detoxify the Tory brand, with his hug-a-husky, veneer of green paint, which has now disappeared almost entirely.

Q

What about the need for greater air travel capacity?

Firstly, we don’t accept that there is a need for greater 48

capacity. Air transport accounts for about 13 per cent of emissions, and studies have shown air travel can’t really expand – but that doesn’t mean that people can’t travel.

Many of those journeys from Heathrow airport are to places like Paris and Amsterdam – and those journeys are completely doable by train. What we’ve got to do is make rail travel affordable, as well as being a pleasure, and then we will see plenty of planes disappear out of the sky perfectly naturally.

Q

It seems that in this age of austerity, green policies are first on the chopping block? Is that a problem?

It is a problem. The situation is that we’ve got the arctic sea ice at record lows; the problem of climate change, is here, and present and now. And the thing is that we can tackle our pressing social and economic problems and the environment problems at the same time

Q

Have the Greens got the resources to adequately answer the big economic questions most voters have for their politicians?

There is a whole network of progressive institutions and think tanks and they’re growing stronger all the time. That’s because voters and people with money see that we can’t go on as we are and are looking around for different answers.

Q

With a Green MP in parliament, will you be looking to get a spot in the prime ministerial debates at the next election?

We’ll certainly be fighting for it. If you just look at this in practical and philosophical terms, the Labour Party, isn’t an effective opposition, because the Tories are just extending what Labour started. So, really, there is only one effective opposition in the UK, and that’s the Green Party.

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Policies: Bennett wants fewer plane journeys; Labour isn’t working; get The City out of parliament

Q

Are you not worried of becoming to Labour what UK Independence Party is to the Tories – taking votes away from a left party?

Basically, the Tories are swinging to the right now, so they’re moving a little bit away from Labour, but Labour are still in a rather right-wing position – and there’s a huge gaping hole in British politics for people who want to have a different kind of society, a society with decent wages, with enough housing with decent benefits, and that’s the space the Green Party occupies.

Q

You say you want to abolish it The City. Do people even know about The City? What have you got against it?

The problem I have with The City is the degree of influence it has over policy making – many people don’t know the only non-MP allowed on the floor of the House of Commons is a representative of The City, and he also gets to see all legislation as it’s drafted and gets input into it. Also, it’s a rotten borough, in that its people have 9000 votes in electing the people who run The City and corporations have 32,000.

In the 21st century, it’s well past time to get rid of it.

Q

Photos: Getty; Green Party

Do you still feel connected the Green movement in Australia? Do you think Julia Gillard is doing a good job?

To be honest, I wouldn’t want to comment on Australian politics. I do find is that, on many issues, the Australian and New Zealand Greens agree with UK Greens very closely.

Q

We’ve talked social. What are your green policies?

We’ve got to relocalise farming and manufacturing and bring those jobs back into Britain. We need to ensure we have a local economy for most things because it’s going to become more costly to move things around the world.

IN HER OWN WORDS NEW LEADER’S BIO My first politics was feminism, which I started at age five when I was told, because I was a girl, I wasn’t allowed a bike, because it wasn’t ladylike. Ever since then I’ve always thought women should be allowed to ride bicycles and do anything else they want to.

My first degree was agricultural studies at Sydney.

I find having a scientific background in politics and journalism is quite unusual and very useful.

I worked in the Thai National Commission On Women’s affairs. So I had a very interesting few years, being technically a Thai bureaucrat. Then I came to London, principally because if you’re into England-language newspapers, London is pretty well where it’s at.

I only joined the Green Party on the first of January 2006. I looked at the state, not just of climate change, but of world soils, fresh water, biodiversity. I felt like I needed to do something.

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SPORTNEWS

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BARBA VOTED NRL’S PLAYER OF 2012 RUGBY LEAGUE Canterbury Bulldogs fullback Ben Barba’s untouchable form this season was capped off with an incredible five gongs at the annual Dally M awards, including the top gong.

Barba’s recognition as the competition’s best player was never in doubt with the Canterbury number one finishing six points clear of second-placed Matt Bowen.

The 23-year-old (above) also went home as the fullback of the year, the people’s choice player of 2012, equal top try-scorer (21 tries, with North Queensland’s Ash Graham) and winner of the Peter Frilingos headline moment (for scoring a freakish length-of-the-field try against the Storm in round 16).

GATLAND READY TO LEAD THE LIONS

Winners are grinners: Tim Edmond (#31) of the Ohio Bobcats and teammates celebrate their 24-14 win over Nittany Lions at Beaver Stadium, Penn State. Football’s underway again in the US, with both the collegiate comp and the NFL kciking off last week

RUGBY UNION New Zealander Warren Gatland said he was up for a “hell of a challenge” after being appointed head coach of the British and Irish Lions for next year’s tour of Australia.

Gatland, an assistant coach when the Lions lost in South Africa in 2009, added: “Our ambition is to win the series in 2013.

I believe we have the players to do that.”

Gatland, who’s also in charge of Wales, will be the second overseas coach of the Lions following fellow Kiwi Graham Henry, who was in charge in 2001.

The Welsh Rugby Union confirmed Gatland would be released from Wales duty to concentrate on the Lions.

The Lions’ tour begins against the Barbarians in Hong Kong on June 1 before they play the first of three Tests against Australia in Brisbane on June 22.

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STOSUR HONOURED FOR HER ATTITUDE

BIG WEEK FOR ...

TENNIS

All Blacks coach Steve Hansen faces undoubtably his toughest Test of the year so far as his side meets South Africa in Dunedin (Sat, 8am. Sky Sports 1). The Springboks, like Los Pumas a week before, will do their darndest to win the forward battle, so expect Hansen to bring back Sam Whitelock after the rangy lock missed out on a starting berth last week. And, given the physical nature of the game, don’t be surprised to see rugged loosie Adam Thomson in the mix somewhere. Hansen’s selections will be crucial; as always, only a convincing win will do for New Zealand fans.

Dethroned champion Samantha Stosur has gained some consolation for her quarter-final defeat at Flushing Meadows, winning the inaugural US Open sportsmanship award.

Former US Open runner-up Todd Martin, who presented the award, said the Aussie played tennis with old-school integrity “I am sure in your country as well, sportsmanship is not as prevalent as what it used to be,” the American said.

“Tennis used to be played on the honour code, basically, and now it has conformed to professional sport where, ‘if I can sneak a point without blatantly cheating, then I have done well’.”

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK He calls himself the American Gangster, but he ratted out all his friends in that money laundering situation?

That’s not gangster.

He’s a punk UFC light heavyweight champ Jon Jones on rival Chael Sonnen. Those UFC guys sure pull no punches

Kiwi Sam Bewly will represent Orica GreenEDGE

PREVIEW Green? Yes, but hopefully they have the EDGE TOUR OF BRITAIN ALL WEEK. NIGHTLY HIGHLIGHTS ON ITV4 Thanks to Bradley Wiggin’s Tour de France and Olympics wins, cycling in Britain has never been on more of high. This week, the nation offers its own race, the Tour of Britain, in which Wiggo and a smattering of Aussies and Kiwis will be among the pelaton, pedalling as if their lives depended on it.

While Antipodeans will miss the chance to see Australia’s Cadel Evans, who’s out injured until 2013, they’ll be well

represented by Team Orica-GreenEDGE, an Australian-based outfit.

In only its first year, GreenEDGE is more than holding its own, winning stage events on a number of international tours – the latest Simon Clarke’s fourth-stage victory in August’s Tour of Spain.

Clarke won’t be featuring this time around, but keep an eye out for his compatriots Jack Bobridge, Michael Hepburn and Leigh Howard, and New Zealander Sam Bewley. They’re joined by Lithuanian Aidis Kroupis and Dutchman Sebastian Langeveld. Should be a great race.

THE CHAT | Sydney FC’s new boy

I’ve put on a few more pounds than expected – seven. Seven! Then I remember: I drank a few bevvies while I was away Wayne Rooney: if it’s not prostitutes or his hair, it’s his weight. He makes RVP look like even more of a sponsor’s dream

I personally prefer the FC Cologne anthem over the Liverpool one Kop that, Anfield! Arsenal’s Lucas Podolski had better never walk alone on the streets of Liverpool

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

TENNIS this Del Piero chap that’s all the talk in Q Who’s Australian football circles? Is he any good?

AU$2m (£1.3m) a year – the biggest ever Australian A For sporting contract – the new Sydney FC marquee player had better be. Alessandro Del Piero (right) won the World Cup with Italy in 2006 as part of an international career that included 91 caps. He also won six Serie A titles and a Champions League medal with Juventus en route to scoring a club record 289 goals.

Del Piero’s been there and done it all. Even at 37, he’s still class, and will provide invaluable leadership to his younger teammates.

It’s hoped his quality will work wonders beyond Sydney FC, helping force football back into the spotlight in a crowded Australian sports market and attracting new supporters.

Italian Open The world’s best head to Rome Thurs, 10.30am. Sky Sports 2

RUGBY UNION Australia v Argentina Do the Wallabies have anything left?

Sat, 11am. Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Reading v Tottenham AVB and Spurs need a win Sun, 4pm. Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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For the love of gold The Paralympics had some truly memorable moments WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

Boooo. With the end of the Paralympics, so ends London’s Games dream. Granted, we won’t have to hear the overused word ‘inspirational’ bandied about for a while, but it’s going to be hard not having a group of fiercely determined humans on show to remind us that given the right attitude (and a healthy serving of self discipline), each of us can achieve great things.

Whether it was the realisation that even with two legs, we’d still get smashed by the sprinters; that those blind soccer players have more skill in their little toes than most of us do in our entire bodies; or that it takes a rare breed to be able to perform a turn in the pool using their heads, the Paralympics will be missed.

To celebrate the excitement and drama of an event that captivated London and the world, here are our highlights, both good and bad.

Cundy goes postal Imagine it: training your heart out for four years only be to be disqualified on the big day. Nightmare. Team GB cyclist Jodie Cundy did more than just dream it, though – he lived it. After messing up his start in the C4/5 1km time trial – a mishap officials said was his error, not a mechanical fault – Cundy completely lost it (main image).

“I fell out of the gate because the fucking thing won’t open,” he ranted at an official. “Yet here I am, I can’t ride.

Everybody else gets the fucking re-ride.”

Cundy then hurled a water bottle, collapsed in a heap and had to be restrained by his mechanic as he flared up and got staunch at the commissaire who ruled him out.

“Do you know what it’s like? Four years of my life,” he continued. “I’ll never get the chance to do it. In front of a 6000 home crowd, I’ll never get this opportunity ever, ever again. Never. What am I supposed to do?”

He eventually did what he was supposed to do: get over 52

it, winning the bronze in the individual 4km pursuit 24 hours later and then declaring his intentions to come first in Rio. Cundy may not have been given a gold medal, but the angry ginger definitely came first in demonstrating the passion that competing in the Paralympics arouses. Top bloke.

Oscar the grouch You’d think that after all the crap Oscar Pistorius had to take in order to compete against able-bodied athletes – the suspicion, the testing, the doubt he’d make it – he’d at least have the good grace not to publicly subject someone else to that. But no, Pistorius had to live up to his Sesame Street namesake and grouch about the length of Brazilian runner Alan Oliveira’s blades (after Oliveira had beaten him), essentially accusing his poor rival of cheating.

Pistorius had previously taken his concerns over the Brazilian’s blades to the Paralympics governing body, but it had declared everything above board. The Saffa, though, still thought it OK to moan to media immediately after he lost.

Pistorius has done wonderful things to raise the profile of Paralympians and to overcome prejudice, but this just stunk of sour grapes. It was great to see him beaten again days later by 19-year-old Brit David Peacock in the 100m final. The king is dead; long live the kings.

The crowds This was the most well-attended Paralympics ever, as London continued to be energised by the Games spirit. Look back on videos of past Paralympics and you’ll see the Olympic stadiums partially empty, a smattering of athletes’ families and friends making up the bulk of the crowd. In London, though, the people came, saw and cheered their lungs out.

At least 2.7 million tickets were sold for the Games – 900,000 more than were bought for the Beijing equivalent – and 100 countries bought the rights to the event, including Brazil,

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Clockwise: the crowds were out in force; Pistorius sounds off; Weatherill’s famous superman

where Alan Oliveira’s aforementioned win superseded football coverage in the soccer-mad South American country.

And the closing ceremony with Coldplay and Jay Z – how good was that? There’s a strong argument to be made that this show was better – and more relevant – than the garbage served up for the Olympics final-day bash.

Yes, in future years, London 2012 will be pinpointed as the event at which paralympic sport tore down the last remaining fences of prejudice and set up camp in the mainstream consciousness. Not before time.

Photos: Getty; YouTube

Weatherill’s superman winner British table tennis exponent David Weatherill made a shot that was astounding, so skillful, that even his opponent’s coach was moved to applaud.

Class six world number five Weatherill, who due to a rare genetic bone development disorder needs a crutch to play, was under pressure from German Thomasz Kusiak at a crucial fourth-set moment.

He was forced to his left and then made to stretch for a ball returned to the other side of the table. It looked for all money as if he was gone, but, astoundingly, with the ball seemingly out of his reach, Weatherill leapt across, arm outstretched and managed to return a screamer of a passing shot while toppling to the ground.

The crowd went mental and the TV commentator was moved to constantly repeat the word ‘ridiculous’, although a more composed caller may have substituted that with ‘brilliant’, ‘magnificent’, ‘superb’ or (cringe) ‘awe-inspiring’.

Weatherill later tweeted: “At least I might get a few YouTube hits, Superman diving forehand winner? I practice that, I’ll have you know #ProudParalympian.”

A few YouTube hits? Too right. More than four million and counting. You should check it out if you haven’t seen it: tntmagazine.com/superman

HEAVY METAL MATTHEW COWDREY Swimmer Matthew Cowdrey (above) became the most successful Australian Paralympian, taking his total to 12 Paralympic gold medals and 21 medals.

He went on to add another gold to his haul, despite admitting he was a bit ‘sleepy’ after a night of insomnia brought on by days of high emotion.

And just moments after collecting his record 11th gold medal, the 23-year-old confessed he also had a bad case of gold fever. “I had pretty much ruled out Rio until about 10 minutes ago,” he revealed.

Mention, too, must go to Jacqueline Freney, who become Australia’s most successful Paralympian at a single Games, securing the seventh gold medal of her stunning week in the pool in London.

“Seven. I am in heaven,” she said, revealing a hitherto unknown ability to create poetry on the spot. Big things surely await. Will she eventually take Cowdrey’s crown?

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazin.com

Silver sting: Oscar Pistorius

Pistorius was right to bring blade question into focus

Is competing at the Olympics Games the real goal for Para-athletes?

» Should Pistorius have kept his mouth shut? letters@tntmagazine.com 54

The appointment of Kiwi Warren Gatland, as head coach of the British and Irish Lion ahead of their next tour to Australia, was the only move open to the Home Nation unions.

Gatland’s achievements with Wales can’t be understated. His ability to build a team that functions as a unit, and the constant and unwavering faith he has shown in the capacity of young talents to perform on the biggest stage, have marked him out as the perfect man for the job.

And while the Six Nations remains the best annual international sporting event in the world, the Lions Tours are

“

Gatland was the only option

”

unquestionably the thing the majority of Home Nations fans look forward to most.

It won’t be an easy road, though, already Toulon are refusing to release the world’s best loosehead Gethin Jenkins outside the international window. Something tells me Gatland might find a work around for that one, but it’s the start of a long road.

Photos: Getty

The man hailed as the most important Paralympian in history, South African Oscar Pistorius, came in for some serious flack this week after claiming the runner who defeated him in the T45 200m, Brazilian Alan Oliveira, was unfairly aided – owing the length of his prosthetic blades.

The timing of Pistorius’s comments may have been insensitive, given that it was the 20year-old Brazilian’s first Paralympic medal. But judging by the reaction of the press, you’d think he was the first person to ever question the veracity of a sporting result. He wasn’t.

British Olympian Lisa Dobriskey, immediately following her 1500m final, won by Turkey’s Asli Çakir Alptekin, who’d been banned for doping offences, said she felt she wasn’t “competing on an even playing field”. And rather than being lambasted, Dobriskey was praised for her ‘bravery’. But then, she was an outside bet and Pistorius is the face of Paralympic sport. His profile made him susceptible to that oft-repeated idiom that remains a happy truism of the British press: we build ‘em up to knock ‘em down.

For the lay amongst us, Pistorius seemed to have a point; immediately after the race Olivera looked to be the best part of three inches taller than the Blade Runner, but during the medal ceremony, was markedly shorter. Pistorius could extend his blades by as much as 10cm, but would then not be able to compete at the Olympics.

It’s an interesting conundrum for the IPC, because it raises the question as to whether the goal for Paralympic athletes is to eventually perform at the Olympics. It’s certainly fair to say that the Olympics is the bigger event, but if there’s anything this week has taught us it’s that the Paralympics can comfortably equal the spectacle of the Olympics.

Pistorius’s status as the poster boy of para-athletics has only been reaffirmed by these Games. His reaction to Jonnie Peacock’s triumph in the 100m final was a timely reminder of the man we truly know him to be. Who wants a poster of an angel anyway?

GATLAND’S LIONS A GREAT PROSPECT

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

BIRDS OF A FEATHER One of the glitterati shows off her costume at the International Bodypainting Festival Asia in Daegu, South Korea.

Photos: Cath Harris, Getty

INSIDE

ON TRACK /60

NICE ICE, BABY /70

BALKAN ROAD TRIP /76

We cycle England’s 100-mile long-distance South Downs trail to discover some of the country’s strangest sights.

Bored of skiing and sick of snowboarding?

If you’re looking for a more extreme winter sport this season, ice climbing could be it.

Bosnia is a riot of incredible mountains, secret caves, spiritual spots and locals who really know how to party.

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

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Mayan marvel: Chichen Itza

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

RYANAIR UNFAIR? In typically diplomatic fashion, Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary has branded a woman who was forced to pay £236 at check-in to have her boarding passes printed out “stupid”.

FALL EQUINOX Chichen Itza, Mexico Get to the Yucatán Peninsula to watch an amazing lightshow that was prepared a little earlier – about 1500 years ago to be precise. Those 21-22 mathematically amazing Ancient Mayans constructed the Chichen Itza temple so that at sunset on Fall Equinox, a shadowy rattlesnake slithers down the side of the stone ruin.

SEP

WHY: Join the huge crowds of cosmologists, conspiracists, crazy people and, uh, regular tourists who come to marvel at the phenomenon. Scholars believe that ancient Mayan rites of agriculture may have been the reason behind the complex design of the temple.

TECHNO PARADE

Paris, France

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STONE SKIMMING CHAMPIONSHIPS Easdale Island, Scotland

Almost 500,000 neon-clad, glowstick-wielding 15 technoheads are expected to crowd into a three-mile stretch of Paris to celebrate their love of dance music in the most appropriate way – a giant outdoors rave. Music will be pumped out of moving trucks, creating a club-like atmosphere.

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Hawaii, Waikiki

Celebrate the release of the Samuel Adams 21-22 Octoberfest beer, which is only available for the few months of autumn. Bostonians go nuts for its caramel and toffee flavours.

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DO IT BECAUSE: Well, you heard the world is ending on December 21 this year, right?

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Suzy McLeod said she didn’t have the chance to print passes for herself, her parents and two children before boarding a Ryanair flight from Alicante to Bristol. As a result, Ryanair’s policy of charging €60 (£47) for doing so meant McLeod had to part with the not insignificant sum before being allowed on the plane.

McLeod wrote to O’Leary asking for a gesture of goodwill after the incident – a tragicomically naive request given O’Leary’s, and indeed his company’s, reputation. O’Leary’s response? “We have replied, politely but firmly: thank you, Mrs McLeod – but it was your fuck-up,” he said.

And yes, Ryanair’s terms and conditions do state passengers are responsible for printing their own boarding passes, and that there will be a charge levied at those who don’t. But what is difficult to defend on Ryanair’s part is the €60 price tag attached to printing one pass.

How the hell does Ryanair justify that? What magical ink are they printing with?

The cash McLeod had to part with serves to highlight just how flagrantly unreasonable Ryanair’s charges are. Buy a cheap plane ticket and you can expect to take a hit on the likes of convenience and comfort. What you shouldn’t have to expect, however, is being labelled stupid by a company that has happily ripped you off with little in the way of a rational explanation.

That’s my last rant on these pages as I’m taking up the mantle of editor of TNT next week. I leave you in the capable hands of our new travel guru, Helen Elfer. Happy travelling!

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CATERPILLARMUNCHING CUSTOMER Sick of being subjected to endless draconian rules and regulations every time you travel? So was Adrian Onobanjo, a 47-year-old Togolese air passenger in Switzerland. But he didn’t let them stop him hiding 15kg of caterpillars in his luggage. When security uncovered the insects in a false bottom of his suitcase, and told him they would be destroyed, he stuffed as many of the creatures as he could into his mouth to prove they were harmless, insisting they were a special delicacy that shouldn’t be wasted. Ewwww!

Photos: Thinkstock

NO SEAT SCRUMS From November, there will be no need for sharp-elbowed shoving among easyJet’s passengers, as those flying with the airline will be able to choose their seat (from £3) when they book. The airline currently has a firstcome, first-served policy on its craft, which leads to a barge-fest as customers scramble to secure the best seats. Apparently, the most coveted are 6A on short flights and 1A on longer journeys. Mysteriously, passengers also prefer to sit on the left-hand side of the plane.

But after a recent trial, easyJet reported their passengers preferred an allocated seat system.

BAD LANGUAGE BAN Effing and blinding could cost you a stinging fine next time you’re in Brussels. The city’s authorities announced new charges of up to £200 for anyone caught hurling abuse on the streets. “Any form of insult is from now on punishable, whether it be racist, homophobic or otherwise,” Socialist mayor Freddy Thielemans said. So if you find yourself getting wound up because your beer is served with a massive frothy head, reign in your temper. You can also be slapped with a fine for rough jostling, even if no physical harm is caused, as well as petty theft and insults.

NEW GAP YEAR GUIDE Cheapest bars in Goa? Best banana pancakes in Bangkok? You probably won’t find these essential top tips in the new Foreign Office gap year guidebook. But there’s still plenty of other great practical advice in Plan. Pack. Explore.

The book – which also comes as an app for all phones – covers all sorts of travel advice, from vaccinations, local laws and customs and insurance. Khalida Cox from the Foreign Office said: “Gap years should be all about having fun, exploring the world and hopefully enhancing your CV, but if you are not prepared before you go away, things can go horribly wrong.”

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South Downs: chalk hills hem the coastline

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

ENGLAND

South Downs Way LONDON

ENGLAND

The Bluebell Inn in Cocking offers local ingredients and fresh fish. Mains from £10.50. thebluebell.biz

Winchester Brighton

Eastbourne

GETTING THERE Single train fares from London Waterloo to Winchester cost from £31.50. Singles from Eastbourne to London Paddington cost from £5. eastcoast.co.uk

Meals at Truleigh YHA start at £7.50. Wash down with bottled beers from £2.95. yha.org.uk/hostel/truleigh-hill The Grade II-listed Foresters Arms is three miles from Cocking. It’s a cosy free house serving real ales from £3.45. forestersgraffham.co.uk Enjoy brilliant views from The Devil’s Dyke pub. Cask ales from £3.25. Cakes and cream teams available too. vintageinn. co.uk/thedevilsdykebrighton Moonlight Cottage in Cocking is a convenient, slightly twee stop about 35 miles into the route. B&B is the cheapest around, from £50pppn. Evening meals available (mains from £10.50) and for £5 they’ll pack you a lunch. The adjoining tea room is closed thanks to a burst water pipe. moonlightcottage.co.uk

Ride it: cycle through an array of landscapes, over green hills and by the sea. Top right: the 70m Long Man of Wilmington 60

YHA Truleigh Hill is located just before Devil’s Dyke, tucked away among rambling greenery and and offering great views of the South Downs and Sussex Weald. Rooms from £37pn, dorm beds from about £14pn. yha.org.uk/hostel/truleigh-hill

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UKTRIP

On track We cycle England’s 100-mile long-distance trail to discover some of the country’s strangest sights

Photos: Cath Harris, Martin Brent, Eastbourne Tourism Department, Thinkstock

WORDS CATH HARRIS

An encounter with the devil, it seems, is on the cards already. A footpath stretches straight ahead, but the trail I’m following spirals downhill, careering into a busy road.

I’m trying to reach the South Downs Way, all 100 miles of which I plan to cycle during the next three days. Stretching across chalk hills from Winchester, Hampshire, all the way to Eastbourne in East Sussex, the South Downs Way – recognised as an area of outstanding natural beauty – passes the Devil’s Dyke, a valley English folklore claims was formed when the devil booted the Isle of Wight from the mainland. Whether I’ll ever reach this landmark, however, is anyone’s guess, as right now I’m struggling to find the start point. Someone, or something, is having a laugh.

It’s less than an hour since I hopped off the train at Winchester, and as splintered asphalt finally transforms into track, I stop to strip extra layers. Two more riders zip past, and I follow to bumpy Cheesefoot Head, an impressive natural amphitheatre in which crop circles have been appearing since at least the Eighties. The most recent was an intricate Tibetan Buddhist symbol, the ‘endless knot’, spotted in the soil in August. The work of aliens, perhaps? Or country folk with too much time on their hands?

The South Downs’ long-distance track passes an impressive array of notable English landmarks, so I push on in the direction of the many more that lie beyond Cheesefoot Head. But 40 miles into the ride, I’m wilting. It’s seven hours since I started out and arduous climbs at Cocking, Harting and Heyshott Down south of Midhurst lie just ahead. As I ponder these difficulties, I’m surprised and distracted by the pungent scent of wild garlic and its stark-white blooms, which line the rolling track. Ten miles on, I detour south to Arundel Youth Hostel, glimpsing the town’s medieval castle.

It’s further than I thought and I’m just in time for dinner.

Day two brings Chanctonbury Ring, named after a circle of beech trees planted atop a hill in 1760. The Romans worshipped here and it’s a popular day trip for walkers and cyclists. The route meanders gently over open hilltops for the next 20 miles. The only sounds are the crunch of tyres on loose stones and a skylark tinkling its breathless song.

The track across the River Adur at 61 miles wiggles confusingly on and off tarmac. But soon I’m tackling the set of hills leading to spectacular Devil’s Dyke. I’m flagging

after the fifth but am wowed by views from the Dyke itself.

Below me stretching west and north is the vast, farmed plain of the Sussex Weald, a flat expanse of land scattered with tiny hamlets that appear to float in a green and yellow sea.

The chalk-white South Downs Way is behind me, skating rural pastures typical of southern England, then emerging from the Adur Valley like a slithering reptile, snaking back to Chanctonbury Ring. Five miles south-east is glitzy Brighton, and the sleepy Isle of Wight is a faint outline at sea.

I bounce past rabbit holes and prickly scrub, skidding downhill, then find myself pedalling uphill once more to

“

Crop circles have been appearing for decades

”

248m-high Ditchling Beacon and the 70-mile point. From here, I drop south to Hove for the night, waking to cloud and rain.

Mist holds fast for much of day three, shrouding the Long Man of Wilmington, a 70m-long figure carved into the chalk slopes of Windover Hill. The Long Man’s origins are unknown, but records show he dates back until at least the 1700s. I vow to return to see him in sunlight and pedal on into the last eight miles.

Finally, the cloud breaks, my spirits lift and soon I‘m crossing the cambered parkland overlooking Eastbourne’s glinting buildings. A discrete sign marks the finish where the trail meets Eastbourne’s seafront road.

It’s been a tough but triumphant 100 miles, empty and bucolic at times, often wearing, but, more than anything, fulfilling. There are scores more UK trails to ride, but the strange histories and spectacular sights Man v food: We take along the South Downs on England’s superWay are at the top of my sized food challenges list. Next time I’ll do it the other way around. ❚

NEXT WEEK

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Historical sites Although we may not visit them every day, we often take historical locations for granted as we see them a lot (on TV, the internet and in books). Your challenge is to try to get a shot that no one has tried before. Aim to vary the frame and point of reference, alter the angle, zoom in for the details and step back for an overall feel. This

will encourage you to get out of the ‘sightseer’ box and attempt something new. Look around and search for details that show the essence of the place – the signage, the texture of surfaces, striking statues or even other tourists.

Remember to check if photography is allowed. Some places forbid cameras or require an extra fee.

WINNER STONEHENGE Kieran Stone, Australia

WHY IT WORKS Believed to be about 3500 years old, Stonehenge remains one of the most famous prehistoric monuments in the world, and endures as a sacred site for modern pagans. Here, however, the shallow depth of field makes the stones appear smaller than they actually are, reminiscent of a replica scaled-down model, rather than the real thing. The ancient stones look rugged and worn against the neatly cut green grass that surrounds them. Would the pagans have approved of such tidy surroundings?

RUNNER-UP WALKING LIKE AN EGYPTIAN Kimberley Hanley, Australia

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS The group creates its best impression of Ancient Egyptian figures, the silhouettes against the floodlight in the background producing a monochrome appearance. The result is an uncomplicated but extremely effective image. Maybe if the Ancient Egyptians were around today they would use photographs instead of hieroglyphics to communicate.

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

GREAT LAKES

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WEST LAKE, CHINA

Climb a coconut tree

DEWALOKAM OVERVIEW The

family that owns this Keralan farmstay know they have a pretty special place on their hands, which is why they named it Dewalokam – Malayalam for ‘God’s place in the world’. The land, which has been passed down through three generations, is overgrown with every kind of fruit tree you can imagine – coconuts, mangoes, pineapples and all sorts of tropical fruits are here for the picking. Ask for a guided ‘Spice Walk’ round the garden where you get to learn about and nibble on anything edible that grows there. You can easily spend a week just swimming in the lake, hanging in the pool with the family’s cute kids and eating as much of the tasty home cooking as you can stuff in.

WOW FACTOR It’s miles away from anything else that could remotely be considered a tourist attraction, so you can really get a sense of what Keralan farmlife is like. You also get a chance to help out with the cooking if you like, and take home a few local recipes.

ROOMS Simple, spacious rooms look out over the farm and are a good few notches more stylish than your typical homestay.

BILL, PLEASE A standard double room is £80pn, full board. Sure, this might be a little pricier than a homestay in more touristy areas, but it’s definitely worth it. dewalokam.com

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When you picture travelling in China, you probably fantasise about places that look exactly like Hangzhou’s West Lake. It has glassy waters, lowhanging tree branches, old-fashioned boats, and knock-your-socks-off sunsets that seem to seep from the sky into the lake itself. When there aren’t any crowds, the atmosphere is almost spiritual – so much so, there’s even a Chinese proverb that says: ‘In heaven there is paradise and on earth there is Hangzhou.’

The West Lake is less than an hour away from Shanghai by train, so lots of overworked urbanites visit at the weekends to soothe their stressed souls. It takes about four hours to walk around the whole lake and along the way, come rain or shine, you’ll pass endless bridal parties posing for romantic shots. Wedding photos in China are possibly even a bigger deal than they are in the UK, and so the West Lake is an incredibly popular shoot location – after all you couldn’t ask for a more heart-stopping setting.

When dusk starts to fall, seek out

one of the gondolas dotted along the shore, and ask the boatmen to take you out for a paddle on the water, which shouldn’t cost more than £15 for one hour. You’ll have to break out your best haggling skills to agree a price quickly, though, as time is on their side and you don’t want to miss the most beautiful part of the day.

There’s a rumour that after nightfall, daring locals go in for a sneaky dip in the more secluded corners of the lake. This is strictly forbidden, but we imagine also pretty good fun ... so we’ll leave it to your discretion!

The rest of Hangzhou is relatively modern – restaurants line the roads away from the water, serving local delicacies such as beggar’s chicken, West Lake sour fish, and prawns stir-fried with Dragon Well tea. An increasing number of international chains are appearing around the lake too – to the irritation of some and the delight of others, a Starbucks frappuccino is never more than a few hundred metres away. visithangzhou.com

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BLED, SLOVENIA

Slovenia’s prettiest lake is a magnet for swimmers. The water in summertime is a balmy 27˚C, and the length of the lake a manageable 2km.

Not a strong swimmer? Ride the boat taxi to the tiny island in the centre of the lake instead. Here you can spend time poking around the very quaint Queen Mary’s church and museum, or eating ice cream while you gaze at the lake and bask in the glorious Slovenian sunshine. bled.si/en

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

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GREAT LAKES

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With grand marble palaces of Rajasthani rulers past, Lake Pichola is soaked in history. The striking white architecture of the Lake Palace in particular makes a visit worthwhile.

But ask anyone in Udaipur what Lake Pichola is most famous for and they’ll tell you is that Octopussy was filmed here. Every café in the vicinity has an old DVD of the James Bond film knocking around and will put it on for you any hour of the day or night, whether you like it or not. udaipur.org.uk

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TOP FIVE

TITICACA, BOLIVIA-PERU

Titicaca sits at 3820m, in between Peru and Bolivia. Take a trip from the Peruvian side to visit the famous floating islands (made from the lake’s totora reeds) of the Uros tribe.

The tribespeople constantly build new layers as the old ones disintegrate. Might sound like an uncomfortable home, but older Uros claim their tribe’s ‘black blood’ helps protect them from the cold. laketitcaca.org

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LOCH AWE, SCOTLAND

If eerie, misty beauty is your thing, then Loch Awe certainly lives up to its name. It’s the longest loch in Scotland and is surrounded by verdant hills where you can ramble and suck in a few lungfuls of fresh air. The lake is a popular trout fishing spot, too.

If the chilly winds don’t make the hairs on your neck stand on end, the ruins of Kilchurn Castle will. Built in the 15th century, it sits on the loch’s bank and is apparently haunted by a sobbing spectre who likes to roam the halls.

NEXT WEEK Divine inspiration: We discover the most terrific temples

loch-awe.com

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free Wi-Fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

will be going to Brazil soon and Q Iwould love to visit Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro, the Iguaçu Falls and make my way north. What are the best places to see in the north of Brazil? I’ve heard that Fernando de Noronha island is a must-see.

Rory, via email first part of your trip should be fairly A The straightforward as Sao Paulo, Rio and

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Fjords, Denali (via Fairbanks), WrangellSaint Elias and possibly Glacier Bay national parks, the last by boat. I’m concerned about accessibility, safety and spiralling costs in such an isolated place. Any advice?

Maria, via email is home to Mt McKinley, the highest A Alaska mountain in North America and one of the longest rivers. It is also, unfortunately, a destination of high prices and long distances.

You will need to allow a decent amount of time to see most of Alaska’s top sights. To give you some context, Alaska is more than 2000 miles wide and almost 1500 miles long. The distances between major destinations in Alaska are often described as overwhelming, for example: a common tourist route between the lively city of Anchorage to the Northern Lights town of Fairbanks is more than 350 miles.

The itinerary you mention would mean covering about a third of this area. Break up your journey at Talkeetna, a small town with lots of evening entertainment in the form of gigs and theatre Talkeetna is also the gateway to giant Mount McKinley.

Fortunately for you, Glacier Bay is now much easier to reach by boat as the Alaska Marine Highway ferry service (ferryalaska.com) calls at Gustavus – the gateway to Glacier Bay. A round trip from Juneau takes three-and-a-half hours and costs £20.

TIP

OF THE

SECRET CYCLISTS’ CABIN WEEK My girlfriend and I did some off-piste cycling in Snowdonia last year, and we stayed in this tiny little cabin on the edge of the National Park. Would recommend it to anyone who wants to get off the beaten track as there are so many ace routes nearby. Here’s the website: canopyandstars.co.uk.

Orlando Crowcroft, via email NEW ROUTES I just found out about a forum where all the members post details of routes they’ve tried and tested. It’s really helpful, there are literally thousands on there. Thanks to however posted the Godrevy Gallop one, it was brill!

See: atcycle-route.com.

Laura Ngyou, via email

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

WIN

Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Iguaçu Falls are all in south of the country and along a fairly well-used bus route. Fly into Rio, and then you can reach Sao Paulo by bus (six hours) and onto Iguaçu (16 hours by bus).

To reach the north of Brazil, I would opt for an internal flight from Iguaçu to Natal. This will save precious time as the drive is more than 3000kms from Iguaçu. Natal is one of the jumpoff points to Fernando de Noronha. Fernando de Noronha is described by our Brazil author as ‘probably Brazil’s most awed destination.’

This is due to its ardently protected coastline, which boasts crystal clear waters, abundant marine life and near-empty beaches. This island paradise does come at a premium, however, as it is only accessible by plane, imposes a visitors’ tax (starting at £11 a day) and accommodation is expensive. Opt for a cheaper option in the form of a local homestay (yourway.com.br).

If you decide that Fernando de Noronha is too pricey, take a small detour south off the Rio – Iguaçu Falls route to the island of Santa Catarina. The island has 42 beaches, each with their own vibe. There’s a great surf scene, too!

considering an Alaskan trip: Q I’m Anchorage to Juneau including Kenai

READERS’ TIPS...

UK CYCLING

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

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ARGYLL, SCOTLAND Scott Tonkin, from Australia

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

IAN HILL, 35

MELODY JIANG, 26

Nottingham, England

Hubei, China

BEST Swimming every morning in the Pacific Ocean in Mexico. My wife is from Mexico so we go there often.

We have been to places such as Yucatán, Monterrey and Mazatlán. What a country.

Ideal travel partner?

I like to travel with my best friend. But if I could, I would go with my favourite Chinese singer, Lee-Hom Wang. I like him so much... even more than Brad Pitt.

Top travel tip? You have to prepare all the skincare you need. Write a list in advance, because it’s inconvenient to buy it when you travel Favourite UK destination? The Lake District is really beautiful

WORST Our car got stuck in a car park one time in London, so at 8pm we were struggling to find a hotel.

We ended up finding an apartment, but it had no concierge so we couldn’t even get in the building until 11pm. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

TREKKING IN NEPAL Challenge yourself with a hardcore journey following the renowned Everest Base Camp expedition route.

This 18-day trip costs £1953 and takes you on an ascent of Kala Pattar (5545m). Includes return flights, accommodation most meals, transport and a guide. Departing September, October and November 2012. See: explore.co.uk

THE INSIDER

LOUISE JUHLIN, Marketing manager Spain-holiday.com

My first ever big trip was to Australia when I was 13 years old. I was travelling with a friend and her family and we visited Brisbane, Noosa and Sydney. My most vivid memory of the trip was falling down the stairs of the Opera House in Sydney! Also, eating breakfast in Noosa overlooking the sea and suddenly seeing whales out in the wild.

My most challenging travel experience was travelling from Bangkok to Phnom Penh by car. We travelled for two days through the jungle where roads connecting the cities were not yet finished. Without a doubt an unforgettable (and at times scary) experience.

My favourite place in the world is The Seychelles. Paradise on earth with the most amazing sunsets!

The next trip on my travel wishlist is India. The culture, the chaos and the food is something that has always appealed to me.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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[Caption] View from the top: stunning vistas reward victors on the ice tower

Ice climbing FRANCE

PARIS

GENEVA Meribel

FRANCE

GETTING GETTINGTHERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Fly easyJet from London Stansted to Geneva from £29.99 one-way and then catch a transfer (about two hours to Meribel) from between €40-65 (£34-£56). meribel.net

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Don’t look down: who knew 22m could feel so high? Left, top to bottom: driving in the axes and skiing in Meribel [Caption]

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Nice ice, baby Bored of skiing and sick of snowboarding? If you’re looking for a more extreme winter sport this season, ice climbing could be it WORDS LUCY FRY

I’m halfway up a 22m-high manmade wall of ice, a harness around my waist and thick boots with crampons on my feet when my shoulders start burning and my left leg begins to shake. “Yes, continue! Up, up, up!” yells my instructor, Damien, as I try to push my foot into a groove and drive one of the axes I’m holding in each hand into a tiny hole in the ice – all in the hopes that I can haul myself up just another few inches.

Thank god I’m trying ice climbing for the first time in the relative safety of Champagny en Vanoise, about a 45-minute drive from nearby ski resort Meribel in France, where I’m staying. Having been skiing before, I was keen to attempt a different winter sport. Now I’m questioning the wisdom of this adventurous spirit.

Of all the cold-weather capers you can get involved in this winter, it’s fair to say that ice climbing is one of the more extreme. As Etienne Grillot, a French expert who works in Champagny en Vanoise, explains: “Ice climbing is dangerous.

Firstly, the ice is ‘alive’; depending on the temperature, it can be rigid or flexible. If it’s too hot, the ice is not strong enough; too cold, and the ice can be brittle. Violent changes of temperature can be very hazardous.” That’s why your first forays into the sport are best on a man-made wall. “It’s safer to start on our ice tower because anchors are already fixed onto the structure and there’s no avalanche risk,” Grillot says.

But don’t think that means getting up the ice tower is easy. I’ve scaled an indoor climbing wall before and this is far scarier (not to mention colder). There are no hand or foot holds for you to rely on, just small grooves in the ice that you have to trust you can cling to. Although it’s easy to use my arms to hack into the ice, what’s more problematic is making holes deep enough so that the axes don’t slip out.

Damien has assured me that, even if I’m not immediately good at this, the process of learning to climb will help me get to know my body better. As I progress, I also begin to realise that the noise of my crampons and axes inform me of the quality of the ice – something that becomes very important when climbing natural icefalls, where there are so many different types of ice and always a risk of avalanche.

Ice climbing on a manmade wall is also perfect for beginners because it’s vertical, rather than providing an overhang. During the Ice Climbing World Cup, held here in February this year, climbers were faced with a 40m-long

overhang. Competitors win by scaling the ice in the best possible route and the least possible time. Not something I’m quite ready for.

Suddenly, the crampons on my boots scrape and slip. One leg dangles uselessly in mid-air. I push the other leg further into its hold and grip the axe handles harder, driving the hanging foot back into the ice and forcing myself to believe I can do this. My muscles ache and my heart is pumping. I’m halfway up, and I start to think this could be far enough. My

“

My muscles ache and my heart is pumping

”

two travelling companions have tried, and failed, to reach the top. What would be the harm in calling it quits? ››

Winter sport wonder: Meribel’s slopes TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The thought flickers for a moment, then disappears. I’m determined to reach the summit. Without a word, Damien tightens the rope, giving me a little help and allowing my terrified disco-leg a rest. The slacker the rope, the less supported I am; it’s meant to act as a safety mechanism rather than an aid. “Go on! Just a few more metres and you’ve done it!” he yells.

I mutter something uncharitable under my breath and carry on, taking the odd moment to look around me at the endless white hills. It’s incredibly peaceful up here and, for a moment, I’m struck by the silence in my head. All focus has been on my body, coaxing it into action, convincing my muscles they are capable. But now, for a blissful few seconds, the mental chatter has stopped. Before I know it, I’ve reached the top.

Damien cheers. I edge backwards over the ledge, trusting that the harness will catch me. It does; now I’m abseiling down, a hell of a lot quicker than I went up. I hit the ground, take a breath and say: “Have I got time to go up again?” ❚ Ice climbing from about £30 per person for two hours (including instruction and equipment) champagny.com

The ice tower: could you reach the top?

NEXT WEEK Lisbon: Food, fun and fado in Portugal’s capital

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Le Refuge in Meribel town centre is always full of people and life. Great pizzas, steaks and pasta are ideal for partygoers who want a quick bite to eat before hitting the bars. Pizzas start at £11. (Route de la Chaudanne, 73550, tel. +33 (0) 47908 6197).

At Chez KiKi in Meribel, the man himself cooks steaks over a fire and to perfection. A word of warning: vegetarian choices are limited and frowned upon. Mains from £16.

(Route de Morel, 73550, Les Allues, tel. +33 (0) 47908 6668).

Find Le Chaudron in the middle of the slopes in La Plagne (a 45-minute drive from Vanoise National Park) for a big fireplace, typical mountain atmosphere, and delicious food served fast – on a sunny balcony if you’re lucky. Meals from £18.

(Montchavin 73210, Montchavin-LesCoches, tel. +33 (0) 47909 2333).

DRINK

Lodge de Village in Meribel has live music every other night and offers an electric après-ski atmosphere.

Crowd surfing and toffee vodka drinking is the norm, and drinks are considerably cheaper than you usually find in Meribel. Beers from about £4. lodgeduvillage.com

There’s no doubt that Meribel, situated right in the heart of France’s Three Valleys ski area, is like a homing beacon for Brits. As such, there are a number of Brit-style pubs, including Jack’s Bar, one minute’s walk from the main ski lift area of La Chaudanne. Beers are about £4 during the daily happy hour from 4-5pm. jacksbarmeribel.com

For a high-end bar, try Le Poste (next to the post office). Recently refurbished, it feels like a highend Paris bar, and is the complete opposite to anything else you’ll find in Meribel – swanky, funky and with DJs most nights. Expect to pay a minimum of £9.50 for a drink.

(Immeuble Gentianes Méribel, 73550, tel. +33 (0) 47900 7431).

SLEEP

Residence Les Ravines are selfcatering apartments right in the centre of Meribel town. Seven-night packages start at about £484 per person including return flights, accommodation and resort transfers – shop around for the best deal.

(Méribel Cedex, 73552).

Fish & Pips’ chalets are comfortable, welcoming and serve superb, award-winning food. Holidaying here ranges hugely in cost, from between £550-£1200 per person – depending on the chalet and time of year – for seven nights, but includes a lot, such as all-inclusive catering and booze. fishandpips.co.uk

Opening this December, Le Kaila will be ideally located in the centre of Meribel, and is the area’s first fivestar hotel. Perhaps most luxurious is the spa, a 500sqm haven of peace and pure pleasure. Prices start at about £340pn on a half-board basis. lekaila.com

Photos: Fabrice Wittner, Getty

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BUDGET

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Bavarian Blowout This is Nuremberg in 48 hours WORDS HELEN ELFER

DAY 1: 10:00 There’s more to Nuremburg than the Nazis – honest! While there’s plenty of spine-chilling history to immerse yourself in here, this chocolate box city also has everything from high-kicking cabaret to gothic churches, medieval style markets and Bavarian belly-busting grub.

A trip to the Castle Quarter is at the top of the list for most visitors to Nuremburg. Sitting on a hilltop overlooking the rest of the city, the castle looks like something out of a Disney movie. Wander round the Kaiserburg (Imperial Castle), which was the official residence of all German kings and emperors between 1050 and 1571.

11:30 Into the dungeons with you! Imagine the howls of agonised victims in the murky cells and torture chambers as you explore the city’s Mediaeval Dungeons (Rathaplatz 2, tel. +49 0911 231 26 90). Those with a nervous disposition should skip this part (or at least find someone’s hand to hold!)

13:30 Sink your teeth into a juicy bratwurst for lunch – they’re Nuremburg’s specialty. In the 14th century pork butchers had to present their sausages to the imperial stalls for a daily inspection – those that weren’t up to scratch were angrily flung into the River Pegnitz.

Bank on getting a top-notch sausage sarnie from Bratwursthausle (Rathauplatz 6, +49 0911 22 76 95).

14:30 Ready to face the Nazis? Steel yourself for a few hours of learning about one of Europe’s darkest historical periods. Start at the Nazi Party Rally Grounds. The vast size alone – an overwhelming 11km – speaks volumes about 74

the megalomania of the regime. Onsite Documentation Centre (museums.nuremberg.de) houses a permanent exhibition on the Nazi reign called Fascination And Terror.

16:30 Follow up with a visit to the Palace of Justice (Barenschanzstraße 72, +49 0911 321 79 372). The historic Nuremberg trials were held here in Courtroom 600 in the late 1940s, when key Nazi figures were indicted.

18:30 It’s beer o’clock, and after that sobering afternoon you’re probably in serious need of a stiff drink. Barfüsser Kleines Brauhaus (Königstrasse 60, tel +49 0911 204 242) used to be a grain warehouse but has been transformed into a popular nightspot. They serve traditional Franconian dishes in a pretty raucous environment, along with epic 5L kegs of beer called Eichenholzfässche. Try pronouncing that after the first round!

22:00 Fancy a little saucy cabaret? It’s all plumes, fishnets, bright smiles and low lighting at the nostalgic Paradies Revue-Theater, (Bogenstraße 26, tel +49 0911 44 39 91) so prepare for some vintage German entertainment.

DAY 2: 11:00 Get a mammoth brekkie to sooth that aching head. All the carbs, grease and caffeine you need can be found at artsy hangout Treibhaus (Karl-GrillenbergerStrasse 28, tel. +49 0911 22 30 41). It’s pretty good value too with cheap platefuls starting from just £2.50.

12:00 Wander round Nuremberg’s incredible old churches – St Lorenz Cathedral is the probably the most imposing, with its Gothic archways and stone sculptures, while St Sebaldus church is famed for its stained glass windows.

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CITY HOSTEL NUREMBERG Our hostel is situated at the cultural heart of Nuremberg city center. With Nuremberg being acclaimed as one of the safest cities throughout the world it’s perfectly safe to take a stroll around the city anytime day or night, even here in the ‘livelier’ part of our city.

SEE YOU IN THE CITY HOSTEL!!

City Hostel Nurnberg Inh. Michael Seibel Klaragasse 12 Tel: +49 911 801 92146 - www.city-hostel-nuernberg.de

GASTHAUS WEBER

Photos: TNT, Getty

14:00 You can’t leave without buying your very own ‘authentic’ pewter mug for recreating stonking Bavarian beer sessions at home. Pick up yours at crafts market Handwerkerhof (Messezentrum 1, +49 0911 98833-590) along with all sorts of other local handicrafts.

15:00 Get brownie points at work by bringing back a huge giftbox of Nuremberg’s finest gingerbread for the office. Pick one up at Lebkuchen Schmidt (Königstraße 38, +49 0911 202 91 33).

16:00 Opera, ballet, classical music or contemporary theatre: whatever floats your cultural boat, you’ll find it at the Staatstheater. (Richard-Wagner-Platz 2, +49 0180 1344276). This beautiful Opera House, built in 1905, is proudly considered one of the most stunning buildings in Germany. Call ahead for details of what’s on and details of English-language shows.

20:30 Finish off your weekend with the ultimate feast at the Weinhaus Steichele (Knorrstraße 2-8, tel +49 0911 20 22 80) where you can gorge like a medieval German emperor. This restaurant is famed for its colossal dishes of roasted pork, baked ham and sauerkraut. Wash it down with lashings of local dark beer, Tucher Bajuvator Doppelbock. Then bang your fist on the table in a suitably imperial fashion. YEAH! Return flights from London Stansted direct to Nuremberg start at about £182 with Air Berlin airberlin.com

- only 3km from Nurburgring!

Our house, conveniently situated on the outskirts of Wiesemscheid, only 3 km from the famous Nürburgring race track, not only serves as a motor sports hotel, but is also ideal for a holiday or city break.

TNT OFFER: Double Room B&B ¤65 Single Room B&B ¤45

Enjoy your stay happy and enjoyable time in our rustic dining rooms.

Our traditional cuisine pampers you with specific regional food and has also determined for the right dish.

Inh. Werner Weber, Neue Str. 1 53534 Wiesemscheid Tel.:02691-1008 www.gasthaus-weber.de TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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CROATIA

Bosnia

BOSNIA

THE BALKANS

SARAJEVO Konjic Kravica Waterfalls Vjetrenica Caves

GETTING THERE Flights from London Gatwick to Dubrovnik, in neighbouring Croatia, cost from £108 return when booking with easyJet. easyjet.com For flights to Sarajevo from £151 return, book with Lufthansa. lufthansa.com

Dubrovnik

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Balkan road tripping Bosnia is a riot of incredible mountains, secret caves, spiritual spots and locals who really know how to party WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Bosnia has had more than its fair share of conflict, especially in the past 20 years. Bullet holes and bomb damage in cities and villages across the country serve as a reminder of the war that killed 100,000 people and displaced 2.2 million. But despite the deep-seated scars of battle and genocide, Bosnia has managed to retain plenty of natural beauty and charm.

The historic capital, with its unique mix of Eastern and Western culture, contains stories that will make your jaw drop. And, as for the countryside, its lush green mountains and clear rivers make it the perfect destination for sporty adventures on a seven-day road trip.

Chilly waters, Kravica Waterfalls

WHEN TO GO: Sunseekers should visit between June and August when it can get up to 30ºC or more in Mediterranean Herzegovina. Aim for May, October or November to avoid big crowds.

If you’re there to ski, January to March is best.

CURRENCY: £1 = 2.44 Bosnian Convertible Marka ACCOMMODATION: You can easily get a bed in a hostel here for less than a tenner. Residence Rooms, an extra-clean and comfy hostel, in Sarajevo offers beds from £12 per night and has free wifi plus 24-hour hot water.

SEE: bhtourism.ba

While many tourists head straight for the Plitvice waterfalls, those in the know say that the best cascading whitewater experience in Bosnia is at the Kravica Waterfalls. This southern spot in the Herzevgovinian part of the country (it’s officially Bosnia-Herzegovina), has rapids, a natural plunge pool and a waterside bar where you can sit in the shade with a beer and a barbecue lunch.

It’s a baking hot day when I visit, but after dipping an exploratory toe in the water, I’m decidedly chilly. Even so, the braver members of our group dive straight in (before shrieking), but I make no secret of being a wuss when it comes to freezing water – and what might be lurking in it. And anyway, lying on the banks under the sun and the cooling spray is far from a bad deal.

When I ask our guide, Mustafa, why he’s not swimming either, he pokes fun at me: “I survived the war, why would I want to swim in there with all the fish?” I’ve just discovered Bosnian humour, and it’s drier than the Sahara.

The big smoke, Sarajevo “Want to go to a bar that used to be a Communist cinema?”

That’s not an invitation I receive very often, so I have no intention of turning it down. As soon as our group arrives in the capital, we head to Kino Bosna (Alipasina 19, 71000).

Every Monday, a traditional Bosnian folk band plays on the

stage where the screen used to be, while students and locals sit back on old cinema chairs or chat around tables in the middle.

The super-hip venue is part warehouse rave, part museum. Pictures of old movie stars line the walls, mostly from black-and-white flicks, and there’s also a rogue shot of Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat – but it’s still in black and white, of course. The beers are some of the cheapest in the city, and we’re drinking our new favourite, Sarajevska, which costs only about £1.50 a pop. In every box of the brown-bottled, light beer, there’s one green bottle that’s supposed to be lucky, so we’re keeping our eyes peeled.

Before long, the band members are jumping off the stage to serenade the crowd, who are singing along at full blast – it’s a wonderfully chaotic night out that proves Sarajevo’s taste for a rollicking good time.

Sore heads are soothed by a hearty hostel breakfast the next morning, and then it’s time to find out about Sarajevo’s vast and complicated history. The city’s name means “castle in the field”, but now, “mountains around a city” would be a more apt appellation – Sarajevo sprawls right up to the feet, and sometimes halfway up, of its surrounding mountains.

A walk around the city shows very different cultural influences – you can hear the Muslim call to prayer and the bells from Christian churches at the same time. The Old Town’s cobbled streets, Persian rug stores and a covered bazaar lie on one side of the city, while on the other are more Westernised buildings and malls.

Of course, Bosnia has struggled under the control of many different powers – the Ottomans, Austria-Hungary, Nazi Germany and Yugoslavia, to name a few. In 1914, when it was under Austro-Hungarian rule, Sarajevo saw the First World War begin with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria on the banks of the river Miljacka in the centre of town. More recently, it was under siege in the Bosnian War between 1992 and 1995. ›› Mustafa was a teenager in Sarajevo during the war.

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Sebilj Fountain in Sarajevo’s Old Town

Mind your head! Sarajevo’s War Tunnels He remembers hearing foreign news reporters had dubbed one of its streets “Sniper Alley” when Serb soldiers were positioned in the mountains surrounding the city, and thinking: “‘Which one?’ There wasn’t one sniper alley, they were all sniper alleys.”

He takes us past the main market, which was devastated during the war when a shell landed in the middle of it. Sixtysix people were killed and 200 wounded. Today, life goes on, and unlike other parts of the city that bear bullet holes and bomb damage, there aren’t many signs left of the tragedy here – the market is crammed with people buying their fruit and vegetables. Shopkeepers in the Old Town have even turned copper bombshells into beautiful ornaments – people have made the best of what life has delivered.

Cool cafes and coffee houses are the big new trend.

Seek out Mash (Branilaca Sarajeva, Bascarsija), which often remains open until past midnight. Or there’s Morica Han (Saraci 49 Sarajevo, Bascarsija) in the Old Town, which serves some of the best Bosnian coffee (it’s as strong and dark as the Turkish stuff) around.

Just opposite is Ulica Bravadziluk, which Mustafa tells me makes the tastiest burek around. He eats one of these local fried pastry pies at least every other day from various counters across the city, so I’m confident he’s more than qualified to judge.

Dervish House, Blagaj supplies. Visitors can venture through one section; after hearing how many people badly bashed their foreheads on the wood and steel beams while walking through the dark, we’re super-careful.

Whitewater rafting, Konjic Out of the city and into unspoilt countryside, we’re back on the road to Konjic for some whitewater rafting in the mountains. It snowed a couple of days ago, so the water is

War Tunnels, Sarajevo A short drive out of the bustle are the war tunnels, built to provide an alternative route out of sniper-surrounded Sarajevo, when the airport was controlled by the UN. The onsite museum tells the survival stories of those who braved a journey through the narrow passages to pick up food and 78

The Latin Bridge crosses the Miljacka river

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extra cold. I knock back a few shots of rakija – the local spirit smells a little bit like paint stripper, but I’ve developed a taste for it. Then I’m wetsuited up, on the raft and not feeling the cold quite so much.

After a relaxed drift, the river starts to narrow and our guide shouts from the helm: “Everybody paddle!” We cut our oars into the white river as the waves splash up into our faces. It’s freezing, but the adrenaline makes up for it, and every time we pass another section of rapids the buzz grows and the waves get bigger. When we reach the local house

“

A leopard skeleton was found right here

”

Mustafa relaxing by a waterfall

that’s our destination, an enormous lunchtime feast of hearty Bosnian soups, beef-stuffed peppers and roast potatoes is waiting for us.

The Insider’s Guide

Getting spiritual, Blagaj

Mustafa Panjeta is a tour guide with Balkan Road Trip.

Here are his top three secret places to visit in BosniaHerzegovina. Get there before the other tourists do.

On the drive back down south, we explore Blagaj City, the site of a pretty, powerful spring, where fresh water shoots from a cave at 330 litres per second. It’s the home of Tekija, a Muslim monastery, also known as Blagaj Tekke, or Dervish House. The three floors of the 15th-century house are stacked on top of each other and jut from the rocks right next to the gushing water source. We cover up with headscarves to go inside, where the floors are covered with Persian rugs and the ceilings are ornately decorated. In the bathroom, stars are cut into the dome-shaped roof – you can see the cliffs from below and rain can stream in from above.

Blagaj is also famous for its freshwater trout, fished from waters just downstream. So we settle in on a restaurant terrace opposite as the blue water gushes past for a meal of trout stuffed with Mediterranean vegetables. True to Bosnia’s generous culinary form not one, but two of the tastiest trout I’ve ever had come out on my plate ten minutes later. It’s at this point we realise we’re all going to leave a ›› stone heavier.

Tito’s Bunker: “Tito was the strongman of Communist Yugoslavia from 1945 to 1980. In the Fifties, he constructed a massive labyrinthine bunker 280m underground. The bunker could not be more James Bond-esque, complete with command rooms, illuminated tables and red telephones and untouched and unused gadgets from more than 60 years ago.”

Zlatna Ribica (Goldfish): “Goldfish is the most intriguing place to have a coffee in Sarajevo. It is a cafe beyond description with its array of bric-a-brac, memorabilia and items from yesteryear.”

Kod Bibana: “A restaurant with the best view in Bosnia. Perched up on a hill overlooking the capital with a perfect panoramic view from one end of the city to the other.”

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Secret lair, Vjetrenica Caves Our last stop is this dark mountainside cave, which is 700m long and close to the border with Croatia. “The people who lived in here had the earliest form of air conditioning,” jokes our guide. It is a wind tunnel, and stays at 10ºC all year round. Inside, stalagmites, stalactites and other swirling, gnarled and smooth rock formations hang from the walls.

The floor is pretty slippery, but we’re happily checking out the caves until our guide stops to tell us a leopard’s skeleton was found just next to where we’re standing. Looking nervously back into the darkness, we hurry on, until we reach a calm, sheltered lake which is home to the slithery human fish – a blind amphibian named so for its fingers and pinky skin. Yick.

This cave certainly isn't somewhere I'd like to get stuck, but outside in the open air, surrounded by the towering green mountains and brilliant Herzegovinian sunshine – well, that’s a different matter entirely. ❚ Balkan Road Trip offers a seven-day Bosnia Adventure tour, including two nights in Mostar from £299pp balkanroadtrip.com

Adrenaline-pumping rafting in Konjic

BEST OF THE REST MORE BOSNIAN ROAD TRIP STOPS

Pocitelj: Ottoman heritage BEST FOR ... OTTOMAN RUINS Pocitelj A UNESCO-protected fortified Turkish town nestled on the side of a cliff. Hike up to the top for awesome views.

Photos: Clare Vooght; Amy Adams; Thinkstock, Getty

BEST FOR ... ANCIENT HISTORY The Bosnian Pyramids, Visoko These grassy structures – one with four perfectly shaped slopes pointing up – are thought by some archaeologists to be the oldest in the world.

BEST FOR ... MODERN HISTORY Srebrenica In 1995, 8000 Bosnian Muslims were killed by Serb forces at Srebrenica in a massacre that pushed the UN to end the war. Pay your respects at the memorial.

BEST FOR ... CITY LIVING Mostar Bosnia’s second city is surrounded by mountains, gets plenty of sun and has an East-meets-West vibe, with mosques, bars, Austro-Hungarian buildings and an Ottoman old town.

One of the capital’s beautiful old mosques

NEXT WEEK

BEST FOR ... A HELL OF A VIEW Lukomir Make the 1469m trek up to Bosnia’s highest village. In the mountains outside Sarajevo, its residents follow a traditional way of life.

Burma: Exploring the secretive Southeast Asian nation An Old City graveyard

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CLASSIFIEDS To advertise call 020 7989 0567 or sales@tntmagazine.com

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CHEFS/BAR/CATERING

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You’ll have a diverse portfolio demonstrating strong conceptual and typographic skills. Working under pressure, delivering on time and the ability to juggle projects will come naturally to you.

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

follow us on

@tntmagazine

Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* don’t mind. I can’t face another winter of rising damp and drizzle.

Love from Karen.

BIKINI WAXER: Chit chat should be banned during a wax.

It’s weird. I was mortified when you asked me where I worked and it turned out your husband is my boss. Please can we pretend in never happened? Janey RUDE BRIT: A woman shoved an American tourist out of the way on the escalator at Liverpool Street

neighbours I’ve ever had.

GREEDY GUTS: Hi to the hungry suited man that gets on the tube at Moorgate each evening.

I’ve never seen anyone devour a Krispy Kreme so fast in my life. In fact I thought it was weirdly hot.

The girl with the blue hat BO: Heard about your mister’s fatal flaw. Look, he’s a sweet guy and all, but calling your parents ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ when you’re over 30 indicates that something is

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#495 ‘Murderball’ – wheelchair rugby – if she thinks she’s ‘ard enough

today, for standing on the left. Poor girl nearly cried after you ran off. A simple ‘excuse me’ would suffice in future please. Fi GETTING SHIRTY: To all the gents in Clapham and feel they have to walk around with their shirts off as soon as there’s the tiniest ray of sunshine – STOP IT! Or at least do some sit ups first. M KEEP IT DOWN: Ellen, you and your boyfriend really need to call it a day. It’s just not normal to stay up all night yelling at each other and slamming doors, plus you guys are turning into the worst

seriously, sinisterly wrong. I think you ought to talk about it. You can have that advice for free. Peace out, Wheeler Dealer.

LOST BALLS: We’re desperately seeking our roommate Al’s balls.

Lost somewhere between the pub and the joint Facebook account he just opened with his girlfriend.

Please return them if you find them.

We miss them. Flat B Boys.

UNFAIR DISMISSAL: You just fired me for being late too often. Or did you do it because you can’t have relations with your employees? I am waiting for your

call. Unemployed FLAMING DESIRE: My heart did a high-jump when I saw you next to me at the Paralympics’ Opening Ceremony. You were wearing a Team GB shirt and I was the girl who made you annoyed because I kept passing you. I didn’t have to run in and out, I just wanted to be near you for a second.

Block 253 Row 17 – let’s keep the Paralympic flame burning. Bobby SPICY SWEDES: Wow, didn’t know I moved to London to meet Swedish guys but they are everywhere and that’s great!

Especially the brown-haired boy with red shirt and brown trousers who had lunch next to me in Spitafields. Come back. The girl with the too spicy falafel wrap LET’S GET IT ON: To the scruffy-looking guy I lust after from the window of the bus at 5pm every day of the week. Long hair, walking along Bishopsgate, carrying a TNT on Mondays. Saw you at the Walkabout with an absolute dog.

What is that about? You’re hot, she’s not. If you fancy taking a decent-looking chick out, reply to my Desperately Seeking. Girl in the leather jacket.

JASON, SURFER AND WORLD TRAVELLER: Sunday night and Monday morning was great. Could not believe it when I saw you at the bar! Is it two years ago? Thank you Walkie. Let’s enjoy each other while you’re in town. No expectations. The ideal Swede SO LONG: London stinks. I’m off home, back to Aus for some sunshine. Laters Emily. PDx

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

Photos: Getty

THANKS A BUNCH: On the way from End Of The Road festival to Heathrow airport, our combi broke down on the side of the road and would not budge at all back to life. Thanks to the truckie who helped push ye ol’ van out of the busy motorway intersection, and to the kind bus driver who stopped and drove me to Heathrow JUST in time for me to catch my flight to Bulgaria. You are a legend and I owe you one. Forevergrateful JEANETTE: You always said you wanted to be my muse, but as a plumber, I’ve little room for artistic interpretation. But I promise I’ll learn the guitar or something. Alaric EYE EYE: You told me I had tiny eyes, but that you liked them anyway on the N73. I liked your normal-sized eyes, and the rest of you. Drink this week? Danny CLIVE: You know I hate the name Clive, but Clive, I’m trying to get over it, because, sweet Clive, even though I hate your name Clive, I like you Clive, would you change it for me Clive? Even if it’s just to Ian or Keith? Jenni STELLA: You made me ruin my trousers, embarrassed me in front of most of my mates and nearly got me arrested. I better keep it under three pints next time. PP PAY ATTENTION: To the zombie people town hypnotised by their magic mirror cleverphones on Waterloo Bridge – stay out of my way or your posh toy is going to get chucked in the Thames. ‘Ave it. Lx DEAR MR SUN: Please stay for the rest of September. Oh, and October and November too if you

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Maximise your Take Home Pay! The contractor payroll service that fits your lifestyle UMBRELLA PAYROLL If you are a contractor, working through an Umbrella company will ensure that you increase your take home pay by reducing the overall amount of tax that you need to pay.

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0808 141 2342 41945

contractobc@1stcontact.com www.1stcontact-umbrella.com/tntobc

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