TNT Magazine / Issue 1517

September 24-30 2012 Issue 1517 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

TICKETS TO SEE VAN SHE AND ACCESS TO T HE VIP AREA

POWER TO THE PADDLE Hot boardsport SUP hits London

DEATH BIKING IN COLOMBIA Hitting high-altitude trails in the mountains

THIS YEAR’S EVENT MOVIE Rian Johnson on sci-fi triumph Looper

S W E R B T S BE

volution e r le a l a e r t beer and f a r c ’s n o d n in Lo Come and jo + AFL GRAND FINAL ‘CRAIC’ING IRELAND WORK THE SKI SEASON TRAVEL DEALS

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Here in the UK, ale and homebrewed beer is inextricably linked with beardy loners wearing socks and sandals.

But head Stateside and the craft beer/ microbrewery movement couldn’t be more cutting edge. Now it seems London is finally catching up to the brew revolution, as we prove with our list of top venues for discovering life beyond big-brand lager (P8). Need to work off the beer gut? Try SUP in London (P36) or biking in Colombia (P80).

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

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LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

19

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22&25

LONDON FOCUS

30

COMPETITION

24

CHATROOM PAUL ZERDIN

27

LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

Photos: Active360, Getty, Elemento Outdoor

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28-29 34

LIFESTYLE

35-45

SHOPPING

35

36

FEATURES BREW REVOLUTION

8

Take a frothy tour of the London pubs selling the best real ales and craft beer

HEALTH & BEAUTY

36-37

CAREERS

38-39

LIVING

44-45

NEWS & SPORT

46-58

STAND AND DELIVER

TRAVEL

61-84

Work your core and explore the city’s waterways at the same time: we try SUP

BACK TO THE FUTURE

The director of sci-fi masterpiece Looper talks time travel and Bruce Willis

DIARY

62

NEWS

63

LONDON CLICHÉS

LATE DEALS

66

HOTSHOTS

69

A guide to how your postcode affects your personality in the Big Smoke

TOP FIVE

70-71

TIPS & STUFF

72-73

48 HOURS IN... BOLOGNA CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

78 86-113 114

44

30

PARTY TOWN

36

44

74

Head to Lisbon for hedonism: overdoing the drinking, eating and shopping

RIDE OF YOUR LIFE

80

Biking hairpin bends deep in the mad mountains of Minca, Colombia

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EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Features writer Jade Bremner

LONDONDIARY

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified ad manager Matt Syder Sales executives Eddie Clinton Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

Egg-ceptional grub

Shhh... SECRET LONDON SCOTCH EGG CHALLENGE THE SHIP, WANDSWORTH

The Scotch egg – a British cuisine triumph (a statement you won’t hear often in global culinary circles) – is celebrated with this competition to crown the finest egg.

Chef-boffin Heston Blumenthal’s The Hinds Head Pub, Hammersmith’s Thatched House and egg street food legend Egg Boss will compete among 20 entrants to impress celeb judges, including Scotch egg inventors Fortnum & Mason. Duck, goose, quail and beetroot-infused offerings, with kangaroo even making it on the ingredients list, will be among the samples.

FREE

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online

September 25. 7pm-11pm 41 Jews Row, SW18 1TB

SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004

TATTOO CONVENTION

DISTORTING VIEWS EXHIBITION

KEVIN BRIDGES

The eighth Tatts-Con rolls into town with its sleeves up and its artwork on display. There are 300 of the world’s most famous tattoo artists (including Miami/ NYC Ink star Ami James) with 13 halls to browse, ample ops to get some new designs and a schedule of out-there acts and performers, too.

Mexican street artist Ciler joins up with UK compatriot 3D street artist Cityzen Kane (and el Jimador tequila) for this street art mashup. The duo will collaborate for a one-off co-produced mural, and there will be a host of other new works by the pair on show in this east London exhibition, too.

The Glaswegian stand-up who crashlanded on the comedy circuit in 2008, climbing the ladder from small local halls to arena and DVD fame, returns for round two – The Story Continues – with this fivenight stint at the Apollo.

Catch him while you can; next time round he’ll be doing the O2, guaranteed.

September 28-30. From 12pm Tobacco Dock, E1W 2SF Shadwell thelondontattooconvention.com

Sept 28, 6pm-9pm. Sept 29-30, 1pm-6pm Brick Lane Gallery, E1 6SA Liv St facebook.com/eljimador

Sept 28-Oct 1. 6.30pm Hammersmith Apollo,W6 9QH Hammersmith hammersmithapollo.com

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

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Hands-on science

SCIENCE UNCOVERED Natural History Museum

Three hundred of the museum’s scientists will be on hand to answer any and all of your questions as the Natural History Museum opens its doors for this late evening of science, education and cocktails. The event allows the public to get their hands on artefacts such as prehistoric fossils and get behind the scenes in the labs where the work is done.

There will be seven bars, 19 science stations, and even a ‘virtual autopsy’, as science truly comes alive.

FREE

Sept 28. 4pm-11pm Cromwell Road, SW7 5BD

South Kensington

nhm.ac.uk

PEARLY KINGS SHOREDITCH AND QUEENS FEST STREET PARTY With their pearladorned ‘Smother Suits’, the Pearly Kings and Queens are as London as they come. Their Harvest Festival today will feature music from marching bands, a special Harvest Festival service at St Mary-le-Bow church, as well as hordes of Pearly Royals dressed to impress, of course.

Hackney’s creative centre and hub of cool plays host to this summer kiss off party, which sees the likes of NYC production powerhouse Marc ‘MK’ Kinchen, garage star Todd ‘the God’ Edwards, and house/techno pioneer Paul Woolford on the decks, with food stalls and more.

See the summer out in style.

Sept 30. From 1pm Guildhall Yard, Gresham Street, EC2V 5AE Bank pearlysociety.co.uk

Sept 29. 1pm-8pm Earl Street, EC2A 2AL Liverpool Street foundseries.co.uk

Photos: The Natural History Museum, London

FREE

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£15+

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LONDONNEWS

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LONDON MARKETS SELLING RAT MEAT Ridley Road Market in Dalston has been discovered selling rat meat by an undercover BBC investigation.

The probe found that illegal rat meat and bush meat were also being sold in London food stores. The meat had not undergone any safety checks, so under UK law it is not fit for human consumption.

Illegal ‘smokies’ – goat or sheep carcasses charred using a blow torch – were also being sold. Paul Povey, from the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health, said: “It’s all illegal and hasn’t undergone health control, hasn’t been inspected and may well be contaminated.”

I am a director of a newspaper not a supermarket, I don’t sell artichokes and carrots, I sell photographic scoops Alfonso Signorini, Chi mag editor On printing topless Duchess shots

NICK CLEGG REMIX Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg vowed never to increase student fees – and then did. The deputy prime minister has now made a grovelling apology.

In the lead-up to the Liberal Democrat’s annual conference, the apology was given a bit of a cheeky remix by humorous website The Poke.

Clegg has now given permission for the satirical website to release the remix as a song on iTunes if profits go to charity.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEK’S HOTSPOTS Tubes are to resume their usual levels of commuter traffic post-Games. See website tfl.gov.uk for daily updates on public transport links.

BAKERLOO: On Sunday, there will be no

service between Queen’s Park and Harrow & Wealdstone.

DISTRICT: On Sunday, there’s no service between Earl’s Court and Aldgate East.

NORTHERN: On Saturday and Sunday,

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Met uni to challenge ban

High Court rules that overseas students can continue their courses After a court hearing, the London Metropolitan University has been given permission to challenge a decision made by the UK Border Agency this summer that banned the college from sponsoring students for UK visas.

More than 2500 students were affected by the decision, which was made just before the start of term after claims the uni was not following proper immigration procedures. Students were told that they had to swap courses or be deported.

“Don’t deport our classmate,” “save our future,” and “reverse your decision,” student placards read outside the Royal Courts of Justice last week.

The UK Border Agency said the

educational facility had “serious failings” and had lost its “highly trusted status”.

However, Richard Gordon, a representative from the London Met, believes the decision was unfair and that a temporary injunction should be granted against the Border Agency. It comes “down to fairness”, said Gordon, as there would be such an impact on overseas students.

Justice Irwin has refused an injunction but will allow a full judicial review. Plus, students already enrolled this term may continue their studies if their immigration papers are in order.

Out of the Border Agency’s student samples, it was believed a quarter were here illegally.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Punk will be reborn this weekend when the city’s first ever festival dedicated entirely to the genre kicks off at 229 The Venue.

A pierced, tattooed and skinheaded mob of renegades will be out in force in central London to appreciate proper 1970sstyle punk from 30 bands over three days. Expect the mosh pits to be fierce and the decibels almost loud enough to make your ears bleed. Rebellious hardcore punk riffs will be offered up from the likes of non-conformers Anti Pasti, Discharge, Menace, Right of Rebellion and 16 Guns, who’ll be rocking out between 6pm and 1am. Tickets will set you back a very reasonable £25 in advance or £30 on the door. Buy them from viagogo.co.uk or for more info see 229thevenue.com.

Mohawks at the ready: punks will invade London

Photos: Getty

there will be no service between Edgware and Hampstead.

Student protests in London

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FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

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Tap happy: the Southampton Arms serves up 18 real ales and ciders

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On the ale trail Put down that crappy lager and let Cask Ale Week broaden your drinking vista. Impressed? Check out London’s craft beer scene, too WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

London beer drinkers who take their pastime seriously have an excuse for an epic crawl around the city’s pubs coming up, as Cask Ale Week rolls into town.

Pubs will be hosting tastings that allow punters to sample some of the country’s best brews, in the hopes of winning even more fans of real ale.

For those who are not already converts, cask ale is the stuff you see pulled from handpumps at the bar (you can’t buy cask beer in the supermarket because it goes through a second fermentation in the pub cellar).

The last few years have seen an explosion in both cask ale and craft beer appreciation in London.

A plethora of microbreweries have sprung up and a growing number of venues are catering to beer aficionados.

The Southampton Arms in Kentish Town is one such pub, with 18 handpumps serving a rotating selection of ale and cider from small UK brewers including Truman’s, Thornbridge and London Fields. Landlord Peter Holt remembers how, only six years ago, decent ale was hard to find in the

capital. “Back then, pubs would sell three ‘different’ ales, all brown and boring. No wonder ale had a bad name,” he says.

However, with establishments like Holt’s blazing the trail, ale drinking is on the up and punters are becoming more discerning.

“Life’s too short to be drinking industrial cooking lager. You may as well stay at home with a couple of cheap cans from the shop,” says Holt, who admits to advising Stella drinkers: “There’s a pub around the corner that you would love, left at the lights.”

As cask ale has grown in popularity, so too has craft beer; ales, IPAs, lagers and stouts made in small batches by independent brewers, many based in London. Specialist bars now offer craft beers from across the globe.

The Camden Town Brewery sells its own beers from a Kentish Town pub, The Brewery, as well as offering tours of the operation itself. Its Australian owner, Jasper Cuppaidge, comes from three generations of brewers.

After working in a few London pubs on his travels, Cuppaidge decided to

buy his own and set up the Camden Town Brewery. “I realised I was having to order so much for the bar from abroad; lager from Germany, pale ale from America,” he says. “That was the catalyst to start Camden Town Brewery – the desire to make great beer locally.”

Crafting the perfect beer is an intricate process. Cuppaidge and his team spent months tweaking a recipe to create their signature Hells Lager – the litmus test being their desire to “sit down and drink a few pints of it” – but the result was a best-seller that his patrons quaff by the gallon.

London has woken up to the delights of artisan beer. But it’s still supposed to be fun. “I love the beers we brew and drink them every day,” Cuppaidge says. “That’s exactly why we brew them.” That’s the attitude! ❚

T

MORE CRAFT AND CASK VENUES ›› Cask Ale Week, Sept 28-Oct 7 caskaleweek.co.uk Southampton Arms 139 Highate Rd, NW5 1LE Kentish Town thesouthamptonarms.co.uk The Brewery 55-59 Wilkin Street Mews, NW5 3NN Chalk Farm camdentownbrewery.com

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Demon drink: Camden Town Brewery’s Hells Lager

Sat 29th Doors Open 4.30 Kick-Off 5.30

REE PIE DES F INCLU pints of ÂŁ2.75 ebite/ s/Snak Foster bow Strong

.com

Taster session: why not try one from each tap, sir?

lham kinnfu

rri

hela t . w w w

Sun 30th Free Entry, Doors open 8am breakfast served.

facebook.com/thelarrikinn

425 New Kings Road London SW6 4RN (2 mins walk from Putney Bridge Tube)

0207 371 9585 Aussie rules: beers courtesy of Jasper Cuppaidge

enquiries@thelarrikinnfulham.com *Tickets available from the pub beforehand but are in limited numbers.

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THE ROOKERY CLAPHAM

MASON & TAYLOR SHOREDITCH

Stylish and modern, its exposed brickwork and tiles paying tribute to New York’s Lower East Side watering holes, The Rookery serves craft beers from around the world, with tasty gastro snacks to soak them up.

If you’re drinking with someone who’s not tempted by the range of beers, try the excellent cocktail list.

Soak up your craft beer or cask ale with an impressive selection of seasonal small-plate food.

If you can’t decide what to drink, order a taster flight and try six of the 12 brews on tap, choosing, if you’re brave, from the ‘Oddities’ section of the menu. The ground floor has a distinctly industrial vibe. Head down to the basement bar for some late-night drinking.

£4+

Mon-Thurs 5.30pm-11pm, Fri 3pm-12am, Sat 12.30pm-12.30am, Sun 12.30pm-10.30pm 69 Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DA Clapham Common therookeryclapham.co.uk

£4+

DUKE’S BREW & QUE HACKNEY A wave of American-inspired food and drink joints are sweeping London, and Duke’s Brew and Que, with its mean line in BBQ ribs, is a great example. But the pub is primarily about the beer. You’ll find several cask ales on offer, including offerings by Beavertown, Duke’s on-site brewery founded by one-time Sons of Albion singer Logan Plant (Led Zep frontman Robert Plant’s son). £4+

Mon-Thurs 5pm-12am, Fri 5pm1am, Sat 12pm-1am, Sun 12-12, basement bar: Fri, Sat until 2am 51-55 Bethnal Green Road, E1 6LA Shoreditch High St masonandtaylor.co.uk

Mon-Weds 4pm-11pm, Thurs 4pm-11.30pm, Fri 4pm-12am, Sat 11am-12am, Sun 11am-11pm Duke’s Brew & Que, 33 Downham Road, N1 5AA Haggerston; Dalston Junction dukesbrewandque.com

EUSTON TAP EUSTON

THE RAKE BOROUGH

No mass-produced beers are allowed to darken the door of this establishment, which has a rotating choice of keg, cask and bottled, housed in an 1870s gatehouse.

The Utobeer crew opened this pub in 2006, on the site of an old greasy spoon, as another outlet for their mainly imported brews (they still have their original stand at Borough Market, too).

£3+

THE BREWHOUSE LONDON FIELDS This pop-up bar, courtesy of the London Fields Brewery, deserves a mention not just because of the company’s excellent regular and seasonal beers, but also the host of quirky events taking place at the venue. Under the railway arches by London Fields, The Brewhouse often features live bands, market stalls and local food. Current foodie collaborations include Tomscoopery ice cream, which uses London Fields beer in its desserts. £4+

Sat 12pm-12am, Sun 10am-6pm 37 Helmsley Place, E8 3SB Hackney Central londonfieldsbrewery.co.uk

10

Mon-Sun 12pm-11pm 190 Euston Rd, NW1 2EF Euston; King’s Cross eustontap.com

£4+

Mon-Fri 12pm-11pm, Sat 10am11pm, Sun 12pm-8pm 14a Winchester Walk, SE1 9AG London Bridge; Borough utobeer.co.uk

CRAFT BEER COMPANY CLERKENWELL

Colonial-themed and sporting potted plants, gilt mirrors and a conservatory, Powder Keg puts traditional British brewing at the centre of its beer list but isn’t shy of adventuring into lesserknown microbreweries.

This classy, industrial chic boozer promises to stock a beer – be it bottled, cask or keg – to suit every taste. Local brewers are favoured. There’s also good pub grub and sporting events on big screens.

A mind-boggling selection of craft beer from all over the world awaits you in this friendly, unpretentious bar. Don’t lose your nerve at the dizzying array (16 cask ales, 300 bottled beers) – staff are primed to steer you to safety. If you get really excited by the beer, join the pub’s Homebrew Club and learn to make your own. The Craft Beer Company’s new Brixton venue opens at the end of the month.

Mon-Fri 4pm-12am, Sat-Sun 10am-12am 147 St John’s Hill, SW11 1TQ Clapham Junction powderkegdiplomacy.co.uk

Sun-Thurs 12-12, Fri-Sat 12pm-1am 10 Gainsford Street, SE1 2NE London Bridge; Bermondsey thedeanswift.com

Mon-Fri 12pm-11pm, Sat 11-11, Sun 12pm-10.30pm 82 Leather Lane, EC1N 7TR Barbican thecraftbeerco.com

POWDER KEG DIPLOMACY CLAPHAM

DEAN SWIFT SHAD THAMES

£4+

£4+

£4+

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THE JOLLY BUTCHERS STOKE NEWINGTON

THE FLORENCE HERNE HILL

Friendly local The Jolly Butchers has an ever-changing selection of real ales from breweries all over Britain, with a special focus on small outfits from London and the South East.

As far as ale-loving patrons are concerned, this stylish but simple Stokie pub is a hidden gem that’s definitely worth exploring.

If you don’t like dogs or kids, this isn’t the one for you. There is an adults-only bar, but The Florence knows where the Herne Hill money is and has a kids’ play area and a ‘mum’s loyalty card’ scheme.

If, however, you’re down with yummy mummys, it’s a beautiful bar, opposite Brockwell Park, and has the added kudos of brewing its own real ale on-site.

£4+

Mon-Thurs 3pm-12am, Fri 4pm-1am, Sat 12pm-1am, Sun 12pm-11pm 204 Stoke Newington High Street, N16 7HU Stoke Newington jollybutchers.co.uk

£4+

CASK PIMLICO You realise how recently the craft beer trend has swept London when informed that Cask, which opened in 2009, was one of the trailblazers. As such, Cask takes its amber nectar seriously. Beers are imported from Europe, the US and beyond, but there’s a vast collection of small-batch, hand-crafted beers from the UK. Brewers are regularly invited to hold talks about their craft. £4+

Mon-Thurs 11.30am-12am, Fri 11.30am-1am, Sat 11am-1am, Sun 11.30am-12am 131-133 Dulwich Rd, SE24 0NG Herne Hill florencehernehill.com

Mon-Sat 12pm-11pm, Sun 12pm-10.30pm 6 Charlwood Street, SW1V 2EE Victoria caskpubandkitchen.com

THE BREE LOUISE EUSTON

CARPENTER’S ARMS BETHNAL GREEN

The world’s biggest selection of Londonbrewed real ales, apparently, and they’ve also won awards for their pies. No poncey bar snacks here, just a serious appreciation for ale.

This pub was once owned by Reggie and Ronnie Kray. These days, the one-time gangsters’ den is frequented by hipsters rather than hitmen, and serves an imaginative range of ales. The vibe is really welcoming, too.

£4+

THE NORTH POLE ISLINGTON This newcomer on the block boasts 10 handpumps of real ale and cider, plus bottles and kegs from as nearby as Hackney and as far away as Mexico.

Vegetarians should stay at home on Thursdays, which is The North Pole’s Carnivore Club night, during which punters are encouraged to match their ale to steaks, burgers or ribs. This pub is throwing itself into National Cask Ale week with an ‘ale sale’, dedicated brews, quizzes and talks.

Photos: Helen Cathcart, Richard Fairclough Photography

£3+

Mon-Thurs 11am-11pm, Fri, Sat 11am-12am, Sun 11am-10.30pm 188-190 New North Rd, N1 7BJ Angel; Highbury & Islington thenorthpolepub.co.uk

Mon-Sat 11.30am-late, Sun 12pm-10.30pm 69 Cobourg Street, NW1 2HH Euston thebreelouise.com

THE MARKET PORTER BOROUGH With nine real ales on constant rotation, this venue was also used as the ‘third-hand book emporium’ in Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban. Early birds: it opens at 6am on weekdays. £4+

Mon-Fri 6am-8.30am, 11am-11pm, Sat 12pm-11pm, Sun 12pm-10.30pm 9 Stoney Street, SE1 9AA London Bridge markettaverns.co.uk

£3+

THE BEAR CAMBERWELL

Serious ale-loving goes on in this Victorian pub which hosts regular beer festivals (the next one is the Old Ale Festival in November).

This former Victorian gin palace has been restored to its former glory, but these days the emphasis is on cask ale and gastro grub. Since opening six years ago, The Bear has hosted no less than 500 real ales which come from small breweries across the UK. If it takes more than an unusual beer to lure you out, The Bear’s entertainment programme may help: quizzes, swing dancing and art exhibitions are on offer.

Sun-Weds 9.30am-11.30pm, Thurs-Sat 9.30am-12am 1-3 Parsons Green, SW6 4UL Parsons Green whitehorsesw6.com

Mon-Thurs 4pm-11pm, Fri 4pm12am, Sat 12-12, Sun 12-11pm 296a Camberwell New Road, SE5 0RP Oval; Kennington thebear-freehouse.co.uk

Mon-Weds 4pm-10.30pm, Thurs, Sun 12pm-11.30pm, Fri, Sat 12pm-1.30am 73 Cheshire Street, E2 6EG Shoreditch High St carpentersarmsfreehouse.com

THE WHITE HORSE PARSONS GREEN £3+

£4+

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MYLONDON

DJ KAYPER DJ What baffles me about London is there are so many pigeons but I’ve never seen a baby one. Where do they come from?!

London’s best-kept secret is my cousin’s house which is on an island surrounded by the River Wandle in south London. The former owner of the property was Sir Walter Raleigh, who brought the potato to England. The garden is amazing and such a relaxing place to chill out on a hammock in the summer. You can even take a canoe down the river from the back garden.

Where do you go to chill out? There are a few underground shisha bars in the back streets of Edgware Road where you have to knock on the door and tell them the secret password to get in. I usually go to places like that to have a milkshake and an apple and mint shisha.

KEEP MISSING

YOUR TNT?

The most interesting person I’ve met in London was my grandmother, who passed away a few years ago aged 99. I learned a lot about history through her and her stories were always amazing.

My favourite place for a drink is a hidden speakeasy cocktail bar in Chinatown that I always go to called Experimental. I also like to go to the Scotch of St James near Piccadilly as they make great cocktails, too.

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a big burger and chips from Gourmet Burger Kitchen or Nando’s.

What gets you up in the morning? My alarm, or my dad hoovering.

My perfect weekend is waking up at a reasonable time on Saturday, practising on the turntables in my studio, then DJing at night. Wake up late on Sunday, watch movies and then a roast with my friends.

The last naughty thing I did was parking my car in an NCP in Soho with extortionate prices. I was DJing at a club and my jacket, with my bank card in it, went missing so I had no money for parking. I told the guy on the telecom what had happened and he let me leave without paying, so now I always use the same excuse and they let me go without paying every time.

Five words that sum up London ... Get, out, of, my, way. djkayper.co.uk 12

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DOLLAR GRILLS & MARTINIS

@tntmagazine

On the money: grab a drink at Dollar

BAR THE SCENE The bright neon sign at the entrance, coupled with the alfresco seating that lines the street outside, gives this bar the look of a typical tourist trap.

However, dive inside, past the diners in the burger restaurant and down the steps, and you’ll find a moody, red-lit martini lounge, where you can order from an American-themed menu that’s chock-full of trendy cocktails. Hide away in a corner, or grab some mates and fill out one of the comfy leather banquettes.

THE GRUB Upstairs is home to all things grilled, American-style – fill up on fillets, sirloins, rumps and burgers. While in the bar, munch on snacks including salt and pepper squid, rare beef, or sharing dishes and nachos.

BEHIND THE BAR Where to start? The wine list showcases some of the States’ best vinos (most of which you’ve probably never heard of), while there are also some US beers, including Brooklyn Lager and Blue Moon. The cocktail list is where it’s at, though. Go for a Sazerac (billed as the oldest recorded cocktail) if you’re a cognac fan, or there are martinis galore (pornstar, pomegranate, pear and elderflower), and more than a sprinkling of tequila and rum options, as well as shooters.

BILL PLEASE Nibbles from £3.50; wines from £4.50; bottled beers from £4; cocktails from £6.50. In the restaurant: burgers from £8; steaks from £14.

VERDICT Perfect surroundings for a pre-night-out drink or a slap-up meal. CD

Exmouth Market, EC1R 4PX

BEER PAIRING

14

Farringdon

CINNAMON CLUB

THE REFINERY

QUILON

This Westminster restaurant is offering a ‘Beer & Spice’ menu that pairs modern Indian dishes with pale ales and beer cocktails. The classic beer and curry combo, but not as you know it.

Pairings from £9.

Order a beer flight and you’ll get taster measures of three selected bevvies, each matched to a canape. Think ‘short tipples and sweet treats’, which pairs stouts and fruit beers with desserts.

All flights £9.75.

For something a touch fancier, try the beer and food matching menu at this high-end Indian eatery.

Each of the seven courses is complemented by a brew.

It’s pricey at £85 for the lot, but well worth the splurge.

cinnamonclub.com

therefinerybar.co.uk

quilon.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock

3 OF THE BEST

dollargrillsandmartinis.com

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BITE SIZE

Big reputation: Hawksmoor delivers

POOL PARTY IN CHELSEA Chelsea might not strike you as a great choice for a bargain night out, but head down the King’s Road to The Cadogan Arms this week and you can bag yourself an evening’s entertainment for only a tenner. The boozer is offering a bottle of beer, Brit food and a game of pool at just £10 per person for the whole package.

Grub up for grabs includes the likes of fish and chips and burgers, and the princely asking price also gets groups of two or more a game in the billiards room. Get your hustle on and you could even go home having made a profit. Not that we’d encourage that. thecadoganarmschelsea.com

HAWKSMOOR STEAKHOUSE

BEANS AND BOOKS Hackney’s latest too-hip-to-handle hangout, Paper & Cup, opens on Sunday September 28, so slide on your skinny jeans and pay a visit to this coffee shop and ‘urban pop-up library’ (as the latest hipspeak would have it).

On Calvert Avenue, just off Shoreditch High Street, it’ll be serving up Union coffee, tea from local outfit High Teas and bread baked by Flour Station, which started life in the basement of Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen restaurant. paperandcup.co.uk

CHOCOLATE WEEK Here’s a date for your diary: Chocolate Week hits town on October 8-14, and there are plenty of events around London that promise to give chocaholics their fix. Cantina Laredo in Covent Garden will be serving up chocolate cocktails to celebrate Mexico’s cocoa-infused cuisine. Brave a white chocolate mint martini at £7.95.

THE SCENE For a restaurant with such a big reputation, the entrance to the Seven Dials Hawksmoor is reassuringly inconspicuous. The door staff, too, don’t conform to the loathsomely common part-time models that usually snarl and snoot at the entrances to similarly lauded eateries. The bar is an – I’ll say it – beautiful expanse of deep wood panelling, serving up frosted glasses of beer and cocktails, beneath a vaulted red-brick ceiling. The dining hall is informal – even modest – combining thick-set furniture with bare-brick walls, parquet flooring, and happily forgettable table settings.

THE GRUB I start, somewhat bravely (and cheaply), with the bone marrow, which comes unapologetically served in actual bones. It tastes so good, I can’t help but wonder whether it’s come from a unicorn. My dining partner orders heritage tomatoes and goat’s cheese. She enjoys them so much that, when I pass up the chance to try them, she becomes rather histrionic and forceful, shovelling a nooptions sample onto my side plate. While delicious, the starters are merely a tease, because Hawksmoor has built its reputation on one thing above all: steak. And when I see a porterhouse for two on the day’s specials list, the decision is all but taken out of my hands. The tenderloin portion of our rare-ordered steak is light and melting, while the top loin is so loaded with thick flavour and punch it makes every steak I’ve ever eaten up until this point seem like a fraud. The sides we order, mushrooms and triple-cooked chips, form a deliciously indulgent sideshow to the steak.

Bottles of wine start from £20, or £4.50 per glass, and go up to roughly the price of a family hatchback. Beer from £5, and dozens of cocktails from £8.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £6.50; mains from £17.50; steaks from £20; puds from £3.

VERDICT Definitive proof that fine dining doesn’t have to mean no elbows on the table. Fantastic food, intelligent staff, relaxed atmosphere. OLI JONES BEHIND THE BAR

cantinalaredo.co.uk 11 Langley Street, WC2H 9JG

thehawksmoor.com

Covent Garden

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Whoever invented IT NEEDs a punch in the face.

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DOSSERS’ RENT On behalf of all people who actually pay the bills on flats in London, I’d like to announce that from October onwards, due to relentless increases in utility bills over the past 10 years, dossers’ rent has gone up from £5pppn to £10pppn.

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ARE YOU A FUN, BUBBLY, SOCIABLE PERSON WANTING TO EARN EXTRA MONEY? We require professional, motivated men and women of all ages, who enjoy socialising and meeting new people. We are looking for friendly, bubbly, open minded individuals who pride themselves on being adaptable and getting along with others.

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LONDONSOUND

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Rockin’ for charity: Hot Chip and friends

festival

watch

SHAKEDOWN

OXJAM Oxfam Dalston, 514-518 Kingsland Road, E8 4AR FROM MON, SEPT 24 | DOORS AT 7PM | £25

Festival season is pretty much over for another year, but fear not as Shakedown in Brighton is keeping the party going right to the very end. Dizzee Rascal (below) headlines the main stage with support from Professor Green and Katy B, while Chase and Status top the bill at the Supercharged Arena, alongside Knife Party, Zane Lowe and a whole host of others. Kiss goodbye to one hell of a festival season here.

Stanmer Park, Brighton, BN1 9SE October 6. £44.50 Brighton shakedown.co.uk

This annual music fest brings together a raft of big names as well as grassroots talent in the name of rocking out for charity. Spanning the nation, from London to Bournemouth to Glasgow and beyond, and running for a month, it’s all about the tunes and raising money for the global do-gooders.

The festival is kicking off today with a series of launch shows. Graham Coxon takes to the stage for a very special performance this evening, so special in fact that you’re unlikely to see the Blur six-stringer in such intimate surrounds again – the decidedly not-arena-sized Oxfam store in Dalston is the host for this kickstarter. He’s followed up on Tuesday by Orlando Higginbottom, who is more commonly known by the moniker Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, and will be bringing his shiny electro-pop to the very same east London store. English singersongwriter Lucy Rose, who’s worked with the likes of Bombay Bicycle Club, keeps things rocking the following evening with Hot Chip and Friends taking to the Oxfam shop this Thursday for a DJ set, with spin-off act The 2 Bears in tow, too.

The run of events merely starts here, though.

Throughout the capital, at venues from Islington to Brixton, bands, performers, artists and more, representing more genres of music than you can conceive, will be taking to the stage. There’ll be up-and-coming bands such as The Diamond Noise and the Popes of Chillitown, bands just starting out, as well as line-ups put together for one show and one purpose – to raise money for Oxfam.

Various

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oxfam.org.uk

21/9/12 09:51:29

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NEW BAND

WE ARE AUGUSTINES GIG MON, OCT 1. 7PM £13.50

Named after founding members’ August birthdays, heartfelt indie rockers WAA were formed from the remnants of Pela after they succumbed to record company wranglings and intense familial heartache. Their debut, Rise Ye Sunken Ships, hit last year, and was followed by 2012’s EP Rock the Vote.

O2 Shepherd’s Bush W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

SECRETSUNDAZE CLOSING PARTY

CIRCUS X LDN

CLUB

CLUB

SUN, SEPT 30. 2PM-10.30PM £9.50+

FRI, SEPT 28. 11PM-7AM £15+

Summer is done and dusted; it turned up sporadically and then, in a misleading flicker of Indian summer cruelty, has gone for another six months. See it out with a proper bang at this final installment of the secretsundaze summer season with Martyn, Two Armadillos, John Heckle, Giles Smith and James Priestley.

Circus club events celebrate 10 years with shows in New York, at their birthplace in Liverpool and here in London, for a summer-closing night of deep house and techno as part of their north London residency. Circus figurehead Yousef leads the festivities, alongside Frankfurt’s Sascha Dive, Riva Starr and more.

Oval Space 29-32 The Oval , E2 9DY Bethnal Green ovalspace.co.uk

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

AYAH MARAR THE BUZZ SO FAR “It’s an homage to dance music in whatever form, whether it’s garage or two-step or house or drum and bass,” says Ayah, and her debut album, The Real, demonstrates this. A maelstrom of influences come together, often within the same song, as the underground and mainstream combine, all boasting Marar’s pop sensibilities which shine through her song-oriented output. Already touted as the first lady of UK Bass, she’s toured with Example, worked with Camo & Krooked and features Calvin Harris on her debut album, which is no mean feat.

THE CRITICS SAY “Ayah Marar is the truth” MistaJam, 1Extra THE PLUG

Electric Brixton, Sept 28.

£9.50

Photos: Andrew J Attah; Getty; Marten van Dijl/AFP/Getty

Town Hall Parade, SW2 1RJ Brixton ayahmarar.com

DEATH IN VEGAS + TOY

CONNECTED 7TH BIRTHDAY

BLEECH

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SAT, SEPT 29. 7.30PM £15

SAT, SEPT 29. 10PM-6AM £10+

WEDS, SEPT 26. 7PM £6

Richard Fearless’s melding of shoegaze stylings and electronic music’s multi-genre invention impresses on this year’s newbie LP Trans-Love Energies, sure to get an airing tonight. Support comes from hotly tipped psychedelic rockers Toy, born from the ashes of the stupidly titled and short-lived Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong.

Celebrating bringing parties to ‘Connected’ people for seven years now, this will be one hell of a birthday bash. One Records man and underground house legend Adam Shelton toplines, with up-and-coming German DJ Larse, Inxec (above), Finnebassen, Rey & Kjavik, Jesse James, Johnny Bloomfield, Mark Derry and more.

The aural assault continues for this startling young three piece – sisters Katherine and Jennifer O’Neill on vocals/ bass and vocals/ guitar respectively, with Matt Bick on drums – as they kick on from the release of their debut album, Nude, earlier in the year with this headline show. Sure to be raucous.

Electric Brixton Town Hall Parade, SW2 1RJ electricbrixton.com

Cable Bermondsey Street Tunnel, SE1 3JW London Bridge cable-london.com

Barfly 49 Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AN Chalk Farm barflyclub.com

Brixton

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FINAL 1517 Lon Sound.indd 21

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 24 Funday Monday DJ Jimbo Jangles plays house, dance, indie, pop, R‘n’B and electro.

Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 7pm-1am. Free.

Circus X Ldn DJs Yousef, Sasha Dive, Riva Starr, ThanksMate, Lock Eyes, Roberto Amo and OYRA spin deep house, dance and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-7am. £20, adv £15, NUS £10, mems £13.

BOOK NOW!

The Doctors Orders Present Mr Thing, Shortee Blitz, Spin Doctor, Kidkanevil, Eric Lau, Chris Read and Battlestar play hip hop, funk and soul. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

10pm-3.30am. £6, adv £4.

Glamorous Afterparty DJs Marlon K and Kaos Kid spin deep house, techno and progressive soul. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

5am-11am. £7, w/flyer £6.

Pacha Rocks Resident DJs play funky house, dance and pop.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm-late. £5, adv £4.

Popcorn Resident DJs provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8.

Resonance Snowboard Film Premiere Party DJ Martelo spins hip hop, R’n’B, garage, grime and dubstep. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £8, £6 before 11pm, free before 8pm.

Service Industry Night Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey provide R‘n’B, hip hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

Swing Cats Jam In-house DJs spin swing and retro, plus dance lessons. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). 9pm-11pm. £6.

TUESDAY 25 The Big Freshers Ice Breaker Hip hop and drum ‘n’ bass courtesy of Jaguar Skills. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500).

10pm-3am. Adv £15.

Chocolate Tuesdays DJs play Latin soul, kizomba, salsa, reggae and samba. Gem, Beak St, W1F 9RA (020 7437 0239). 9pm-1am. £5.

Desire Steven Geller, Bruno Nouer and Sven Jon spin house and electro.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 3am-11am. £8.

Forro Resident DJs spin baile funk, house, urban Latin, reggaeton and pop, plus live music. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 10pm-late. £5.

Into The Wild DJs provide indie and electro. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). 7.30pm. Free.

Stupid Tuesday In-house DJs spin funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm.

Those That Know Hip hop, electro, dubstep, R‘n’B and dance tracks from residents.

Catch, Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA (020 7729 6097). 8pm-midnight. Free.

Tuesday DJ T and Elle Tiyo spin dance, pop, indie and urban anthems. The Roadhouse, The Piazza, Covent Garden Market, WC2E 8HB (020 7379 6132).

5.30pm-3am. £5, free before 10pm.

22

Geisha Electronica House and electro courtesy of DJs ANeK and Anna Wall with support from Lottie and Suze Rosser. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

8pm-3am. £15, free before 9pm.

VITALIC LIVE Neon Noise Project @ Fire. Nov 3. £12.50 The French techno genius plays this extra special one-off London show to support the release of his third LP Rave Age. SW8 1RT

Vauxhall

firelondon.net

WEDNESDAY 26 Choke Resident DJs play hip hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm3am. £5, guestlist £3, NUS/w/flyer £4.

Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs supply house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10.

Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10.

Death2Disco Danny Watson and Noel Thomas provide indie and rock. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £3, free before 11pm.

Disco Paradise Jo Public spins rare groove, soul, rock ‘n’ roll and disco. Joiners Arms, Hackney Rd, E2 7QL (020 7739 9397). 11pm-2am. Free.

Factory Afterparty DJs supply house, nu-disco, electro and techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

1am-8am. £6, w/flyer £4.

Hot Rocks Resident DJs spin rock ‘n’ roll, R‘n’B, punk-rock and ska. Surya, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JL (020 7713 6262). 10.30pm-2am. Free.

Nintendisco Resident DJs play music from retro computer game soundtracks. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479).

7.30pm-11.30pm. Free.

THURSDAY 27 Akira Records Party DJ Akira spins trance, electro and hardcore techno alongside guest DJs. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. £5.

The DMC World Championships Final 2012 The finalists battle it out on the turntables with the results determined by a panel of judges, plus guest DJs spinning hip hop and electronica. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099).

5.30pm-late, also Fri. £15.

Homegrown DJs Blue Bear, Rattus Rattus, Esquezy and Chunky spin house, electro and dubstep. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-1am. Free.

I Can’t Wait DJ Limao plays samba, funk, house and soul. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600).

5pm-late. £5 after 9pm.

The Orgasmatron DJs Spektrum, Shea Sega, Guy Chambers, Reets One, Bruno Charles, Ross Clarke and Helena Jesele play Brazilian-influenced punk, soul, electro, disco, dance and house.

Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228). 7.30pm-1am. £5.

Super Human Disco DJs Cleo and Si Dimone spin funk, hip hop, house, electro, rare groove and deep soul with support from resident DJs Hee Man and Ray Juss. Wax Jambu, Upper St, N1 1QY (020 7704 6868). 7pm-1am. Free.

Thursday Night DJ Rusty Egan spins pop hits from the 1980s and 1990s. Shaka Zulu, The Stables Market, NW1 8AB (020 3376 9911).

8pm-2am. £10, free before 10pm.

Wobble Disco Bugaboh & Afrodite, Hatchback and Eden spin future bass, electro, house, disco tech and dusty classics. With a live set from Automation. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639). 6pm-3am. Free.

FRIDAY 28 Broken Robots Special Breaks, electro, techno and glitch hop courtesy of Hedflux, Neurodriver, Bad Tango, Broken Eye Vs LuQas, Mouldey Soul and Ipcress. The InSpiral Lounge, Camden High St, NW1 8QS (020 7428 5857). 10pm-4am. £4.

Buttoned Down Disco’s End Of Summer Boat Party Christian Laing, Pete Wheeler and Richard Titchener supply indie, rock and electro. The Battersea Barge, Riverside Walk, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5BP (020 7498 0004). 8pm-late. £10.

Choice Cuts DJs play electro, pop and dubstep. The Dogstar, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LQ (020 7733 7515).

9pm-4am. £5, free before 11pm.

Licked Beatz DJs Loefah, Plastician, Pinch, N-Type, Logan Sama, Jubei And Flowdan, Darq E Freaker, Baxta, Rattus Rattus, Slugz and Boyson spin dubstep and electronica. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730).

10pm-6am. £15, adv £8 & £12.

Magic House Experience DJs Norris da Boss, Windross and Windross Jnr spin classic and current dance tracks with live performance from Rose Windross and her band Magic House. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479). 8pm-1am. £5.

The Schizodelic Sound Guy C, Aaron Fletcher and Tim Rockins play electronica, funk, jazz and dance. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 7pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm, free before 9pm.

Swingkick Dr Cat, MustDash and Shefitza spin electro swing, electro-house and dubstep. Ginglik, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8PH (020 8749 2310). 10pm-3am. PAYG. £8, adv £5.

Tief 1st Birthday DJs Omar S, Hunee, Brawther, Mano Le Tough, Daniel Wang, Jeremy Underground Paris, Bicep, Medlar and John Malcolm Moore supply house and techno, plus Portable aka Bodycode performs live. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760).

10pm-9am. £17.50, adv £15.

Truffle Shuffle Pop, dance and disco of the 1980s from resident Truffle Shuffle DJs, with support from guest DJ Justin Wilkes. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). 9pm-3am. £7.

Twisted Plastic Dance and electro tracks from Twisted Plastic for their debut at the Ministry of Sound pre party. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

SATURDAY 29 Boom Bap Present DJs Stig Of The Dump, Mystro, Kyza and Captain Crunch spin dubstep, grime, UK garage, hip hop, R‘n’B, funk and soul. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

10pm-4am. £7, adv £5 before 11pm.

Bread & Butter Tobias, Jamma and Max provide dance beats and electronica. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 10pm-4am. £5-£10.

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Gutterslut Residents Per QX, Nic Fisher, Ralf O and Miss Crystal MC are joined by Verity Mayes B2B Bryony Masters, Helen Noir B2B Nando Messias and Tights Pants in spinning cheesy pop, R‘n’B and house. East Bloc, City Rd, EC1V 1JN (020 7253 0367).

11pm-6am. £10, £5 before midnight.

House Heads DJs Norris Windross, Windross jnr, Steve Taylor, Rob Bishop, Nicky Mitchell, Adam Kay, Gav Rayner, Seani Beatz, John Kirby and Alex Hogan play R‘n’B, hip hop and dance.

Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479). 3pm-3am. £10.

La Dolce Vita Pre Party DJs supply dance, hip hop, pop and garage.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

La Dolce Vita DJs Paul Thomas, Yorick & DeNielsen, Hilton Caswell and Justin Hayward provide house, dance and electro. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. Adv £20.

Planet Mu Presents Electronica, IDM and dubstep courtesy of Venetian Snares, Boxcutter, Ital Tek, Rudi Zygadlo, Konx-Om-Pax, Claude Speed, 0 = 0 and Planet Mu DJs. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760).

10pm-6am. £15, adv £13.

Red Bull Music Academy Presents DJs Chez Damier, Rich Wihlite, Jam City, Madteom and Citizen spin house, soul, deep hip hop and nu-wave electro. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372).

10pm-6am. £15, adv £6-£12.

Tronic Treatment Christian Smith and Marco Bailey supply deep house, electro, dance and techno music with support on The Terrace from Lost Souls featuring Oliver Deutschmann. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111).

10pm-11am. Adv £15, adv inc drink £30.

SUNDAY 30 Grin Presents DJ Jonathan Ulysses spins Ibiza-inspired electro, groove, house and bass tracks.

Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Secret Sundaze 2012 Closing Party DJs Martyn, Two Armadillos, John Heckle, James Priestley and Giles Smith spin techno, dub, drum ‘n’ bass and deep house. The Oval, The Oval, E2 9DT. 2pm-10.30pm. £14.50, see www.residentadvisor.net for details.

Stink DJs Randall, Bladerunner, Probe, Vapour, Explicit and Chef provide drum ‘n’ bass and jungle, plus MCs Moose, Fats and AD. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774).

9pm-3am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

We Play Music Live DJs Dlux, Emily Rawson, Frisky, Emma Champion, Enyaw and Woz spin hip hop, R‘n’B and garage with live performances from Lizzie Nightingale, Saffire D Soul and Soneni And The Soul. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958).

7.30pm-2am. £8, guestlist £5.

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GIVE LIFE TO A FAMILY THE CENTRE FOR REPRODUCTIVE AND GENETIC HEALTH The Centre for Reproductive and Genetic Health is one of UK’s top fertility clinics but we need the help of egg donors!

As many as one in seven couples are affected by infertility and may require assistance in starting a family.

In the past 21 years, CRGH has helped to conceive over 4,000 babies. Some of these pregnancies would not have been possible without donated eggs.

If you’re a woman between the ages of 20 and 35, who would like to help a couple in need, then please call Joy Green (Head of Nursing) on

020 7837 2905 The Centre for Reproductive & Genetic Health

info@crgh.co.uk

We will compensate egg donors up to £750 for their time

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MONDAY 24 Charlotte Church Pop and classical music by the crossover singer-songwriter and TV presenter. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). Adv £14.50.

iTunes Festival 2012: Madness, Reverend And The Makers Ska and pop from Suggs and the band known for the hits House Of Fun, Our House, Baggy Trousers and One Step Beyond.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

BOOK NOW!

Ewert And The Two Dragons Indiepop by the band from Tallinn, Estonia. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £6.

Carina Round, David J Alexander Alternative rock by the singersongwriter and guitarist from Wolverhampton and her backing band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). Adv £14.

Fire & Ice, Expire, Abolition, Inherit Hardcore metal by the band from Richmond, Virginia.

Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £9.

The Flower Kings Classic prog-rock by the Swedish band. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £18.

Darren Hayes The Australian singer-songwriter and former Savage Garden member plays pop in support of his album Secret Codes & Battleships.

IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £22.50-£37.50. iTunes Festival 2012: Mumford And Sons, Willy Mason Multiplatinum selling London-based indie-folk outfit led by singer Marcus Mumford. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

Maxsta London-based rapper and producer Ian Koromah performs grime with lyrics about life in the capital city.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Adv £7.

Oxjam: Daytona Lights, The Dead Fronts, Milky Onions, Sunlight Service Group The five-piece from Hackney plays shoegaze indie and alternative rock to promote its debut album This Modern Landscape. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). £6, adv £5.

James Yorkston, Michael Chapman The Fife-based singer-songwriter plays reflective contemporary folk. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £16.50, concs £8.25.

TUESDAY 25 Fingersnap The London-based duo of singer David McAlmont and musician Guy Davies performs soul.

The Hippodrome Casino, Cranbourn St, WC2H 7AJ (0844 248 5144).

Also Wed-Fri, £27.50-£35. iTunes Festival 2012: Lana Del Rey The singer-songwriter from New York City, born Elizabeth Grant, performs indie-pop and chamber pop from her chart-topping album Born To Die. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

London African Music Festival: Modeste Hugues Madagascan rhythms from the award-winning singer-songwriter and guitarist.

The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/cc 0870 060 3777). £12.

AZEALIA BANKS Shepherd’s Bush Empire. Oct 12. £15 Samantha Cameron has professed her love for the foul-mouthed Harlemite recently, who plays her biggest headline London show to date.

W12 8TT

She Bu

o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

Machine Gun Kelly American rapper Richard Colson Baker performs hip-hop from his debut album Lace Up. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £13.50.

The Menzingers The four-piece from Philidelphia plays its blend of punk and rock. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £10.

Now, Now, Grass House, Hunting Party Indie-pop by the band from Minneapolis.

The Sebright Arms, Coate St, E2 9AG (020 7729 0937). £7, adv £5.

Race Horses, Furs, It Hugs Back Alternative pop by the five-piece, with members from Aberystwyth and Cardiff, to promote the album Furniture.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £6.50.

Underground Heroes, Mavis, Carnabys The four-piece from Chatham plays a mixture of fast-paced ska-punk and indie songs based on life in London in support of its debut album Estuary English. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £7.

WEDNESDAY 26 Arkells The Canadian five-piece plays alt rock from the album Michigan Left The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

Beth Jeans Houghton & The Hooves Of Destiny Folk-pop with elements of glam rock and theatrical performance by the Newcastle-based singersongwriter and her backing group.

King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £10.

David Bisbal The platinum selling singer-songwriter, who gained fame as the runner-up on Spanish reality talent show Operacion Triunfo, performs his Latin pop hits with his backing band. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £25-£45.

The Charlatans, Norman Jay, Don Letts, Terry Hall The band from the West Midlands and Northwich, that was prominent during the Madchester and Brit pop music scenes, plays its alternative rock and indie hits. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). Adv £5.

Lite Feed Frenzy The four-piece band originating from Sydney, Australia perform alt rock.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £7.

London African Music Festival: Yoruba Women Choir, Bunmi Thomas Vocalist Funmi Olawumi leads the group in performing gospel and African music.

Stratford Circus, Theatre Sq, E15 1BX (0844 357 2625). £15, concs £12.50.

Rachel Sermanni Folk by the singer-songwriter from Carrbridge and her backing band in support of her debut album Under Mountains. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). Adv £10.

The Zombies Sixties rock from the veteran outfit featuring original members Colin Blunstone and Rod Argent.

Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £17.50 & £23.50.

THURSDAY 27 The Beach Boys Brian Wilson and the American surf rock and pop outfit reunite to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the band’s formation and to support the album That’s Why God Made The Radio. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £55-£150.

Darbar Festival: Pulsating Surshingar And Violin Maestros Indian music combo featuring surshingar player Joydeep Ghosh and violin duo The Mysore Brothers. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200). £20 & £25, £10 & £12.50.

Suzie Higgie, Trish Young The Australian singer-songwriter and musician plays acoustica and alternative rock. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £10.

Ultravox The veteran band fronted

by Band Aid co-creator Midge Ure performs new wave and synthpop from the album Brilliant alongside its hits. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £35.

FRIDAY 28.

The Beach Boys See Thursday.

Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £55 & £65.

Breakbot, Mylo, Sh*t Robot, Justin Robertson, Pardon My French House and electro-funk with elements of synthpop by the French producer and DJ. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). Adv £12.50.

Nik Kershaw Chart pop by the Bristol-born singer-songwriter in support of the album EI8HT. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £25 & £40.

Netsky Belgian DJ and producer Boris Daenen plays drum ‘n’ bass in support of his album, 2. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). Adv £9.50.

Sulpher, Jayce Lewis, Officers, Jesus Loves Amerika Dark and gloomy industrial metal by singersongwriter and current live guitarist for The Prodigy, Rob Holliday, and his fellow band members.

The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). Adv £12.50.

Jally Kebba Susso, Family Atlantica, Bumi Thomas The griot player and composer from Gambia, now based in London, plays Afro-funk and world music to promote his album Malaye War. Passing Clouds, Richmond Rd, E8 4AA (020 7168 7146). £8, £5 before 10pm, free before 8pm.

The Temperance Movement, Sunday Recovery, Lunchband The band from London and Glasgow plays Americana and blues-rock. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £8.

SATURDAY 29 China Rats, The Mexanines, Echotape The four-piece from Leeds plays a cheerful and catchy blend of rock ‘n’ roll, retro-style pop, and punk. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). £6 & £8 Death In Vegas Psychedelic indierock with electro influences from the Brentford-based duo. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £15.

iTunes Festival 2012: Hot Chip Pop and dance-flavoured electronic music by the successful London-based band.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

George Michael: Symphonica: The Orchestral Tour The charttopping pop singer and former Wham! frontman performs a selection of his hits as well as some of his favourite covers, with accompaniment from an orchestra.

Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £46-£126.

Mica Paris R‘n’B and soul from the London-based singersongwriter. Boisdales Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £20-£70.

Then Jerico Singer Mark Shaw leads his reformed pop-rock and new wave band from London as it performs songs from the album The Big Area alongside other hits. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). Adv £22.50.

The Undivided, Raba, Fly This For Me The Cardiff-based four-piece plays alt rock. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £5.

SUNDAY 30 iTunes Festival 2012: Muse The energetic and extravagant progressive alt rock and space rock trio promotes its album, The 2nd Law. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008 ). Free, tickets allocated by ballot, apply for tickets at www.itunesfestival.com.

J’Nay Singer-songwriter and guitarist John Adeleye from West London, best known as a finalist on the 2012 series of The X Factor, performs soul. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). £10.

Lilygun, Your Army, Riot In Paradise The London-based outfit plays grunge-infused guitar rock in support of its self-titled debut album. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

Om The Californian outfit plays stoner rock, doom metal and experimental ambient music in support of the album Advaitic Songs. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £15.

Slam Cartel, Euphoria Audio, The Investigation, Hells Addiction Guitar driven heavy rock by the London-based band, led by singer Giles Van Lane, in support of its debut album Handful Of Dreams. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). Adv £8.

Transcender: Reliquary House, Eli Keszler, Megafortress A hallucinatory multimedia performance that combines Oneohtrix Point Never’s cosmic, synth-driven compositions with live visuals from artist Nate Boyce. LSO St Luke’s, Old St, EC1V 9NG (020 7638 8891/ cc 0845 120 7591). £15 & £20.

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Paul Zerdin

The comedy ventriloquist on talent shows, surprising audiences and his new show, Puppet Master INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

How did your recent tour go?

The summer tour was a family-friendly show. It’s tough keeping it squeaky clean.

Do you have to watch what you say?

It can feel like I’m holding back, whereas with my upcoming show, Puppet Master, I can say what I want.

Which do you prefer?

There’s certain material I do, it’s not rude but it is adult so the kids don’t get it. There’s a routine about being schizophrenic which I did try in the family show, but they just stared at me confused! I prefer the grown-up show, but it’s not adult as in 18 and blue. There’s colourful language and some adult content, but it’s not Roy Chubby Brown! I do swear quite a lot when I’m talking, it’s natural, so when you’re standing on stage at the Comedy Store you swear because it’s part of your vocabulary.

Is involving the audience risky?

I love doing it, and the audience expect it – they know they are going to be involved in my shows.

In my last show, one of the big things was getting people out of the audience and making them into a human dummy. This year I’m going to take it to the next level and get a couple on stage. I have these masks that cover their mouths, and then I control what they say. There’s technology involved – you don’t have to have your hand up someone’s arse! It’s ventriloquism in stand-up form, but without the puppet. Like being a hypnotist – you can do anything.

Are people willing to go along?

Absolutely, but I only get people who want to be there. Last year, I had a couple who were so enthusiastic people thought they were stooges.

You started out on talent shows – how do you feel about today’s talent shows?

People are always going to want them; people watch Big Brother because they’re nosey.

Everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing. But they also love the audition processes on The X Factor when you get those complete freaks coming out who are away with the fairies.

No one twists their arms, but they’re genuinely deluded, and people love that cringe factor.

One man and his dummy

Has it been good for ventriloquism?

It has made things like The Royal Variety Show cool again, because it was out in the wilderness for a few years – I was on it in those days – but the viewing figures have shot back up.

Would you like more variety on TV? There are some great stand-up shows, but it would be great if there was something for variety, too. A good comedy magician, a ventriloquist, some jugglers – there are great acts not getting their deserved platform.

Is ventriloquism enjoying a resurgence?

Things are always cyclical. There are always small groups doing it, it’s the same for magic.

Paul Daniels had a show on the BBC for 15 years, and there was Wayne Dobson on ITV – he did comedy magic. He was one of my heroes. And as variety became less popular you had new acts like Simon Drake, who was quite dark and graphic – burning people alive. Then Derren Brown came and reinvented it again. But there have never been that many ventriloquists – partly because it’s really difficult. It took me two years to learn the basics, but I’ve been doing it for 20 years and I’m still getting better!

Is it particularly popular now?

Some of this stuff does appear to be coming back. My friend [ventriloquist] Nina Conti is

doing really well, and The Muppets movie did amazingly well – they’re making another film.

The BBC has commissioned a new Muppet chat show for next year, produced by Jim Henson, for prime-time Saturday night. If it is original and edgy, then it still has its place.

And you’ve done your own TV pilot …

We’ve been developing it for a while. It’s The Muppets meets Seinfeld. There hasn’t been anything quite like it.

Does it frustrate you that ventriloquism is seen as an outdated entertainment?

I have worked at The Comedy Store for years closing the show and I’d often get people coming up to me afterwards saying: “When we heard there was a ventriloquist on we thought: oh no, but we didn’t realise it could be so funny.”

What’s been your strangest show?

On my last summer tour I did seaside gigs, and I’ve performed all over the world. I did a gig in Buenos Aires where I flew out for a 20minute after-dinner show in a palace. And I’ve entertained the troops in Iraq. They were some of the best audiences I have ever played for.

Paul Zerdin: Puppet Master. Bloomsbury Theatre. Oct 3. £16 WC1H 0AH paulzerdin.com Euston Square

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“What did you say about my nose?”

LOOPER FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis | 15 | 119mins

HOLY MOTORS FILM STARRING: Denis Lavant, Kylie Minogue | 18 | 115mins

French filmmaker Leos Carax returns with his first movie since the last millennium – a predictably bizarre affair that considers the nature of love and the future for technology and living organisms. Fitting its unpredictability, this Cannes-debuting film also features Kylie Minogue. It’s a far cry from her turns in Street Fighter and Bio-Dome, that’s for sure.

On general release Sept 28

28

There’s a moment in Rian Johnson’s excellent sci-fi head scratcher when Bruce Willis, sitting across the table from his younger self (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), warns against talking about the complexities of time travel. It’s good advice, for his younger self and for the audience. Fixating on the paradoxes is not the point here.

The point is serving up top-notch entertainment that doesn’t sacrifice smarts.

In the future, time travel has been invented, but outlawed, and has become the preserve of the criminal classes, who use it to send back undesirables to be ‘eliminated’ by loopers that are primed and ready at a specific space and time, shotgun in hand. Things go wrong for looper Joe (Gordon-Levitt, boasting a Willisapeing prosthetic nose), though, when the target sent back is him 30 years hence.

The target escapes, kicking off all kinds of action-thriller-time-travel-paradoxes.

Johnson (re-teaming with his Brick star, Gordon-Levitt) handles the complex plot well, never letting it slip into confusion. You’ll need to pay attention, though, as his narrative winds a path via telekinesis and considerations of the effect our life decisions carry to a disarming conclusion. He constructs a believable future, too, in which urban techno-developments have caused the gap between the wealthy and the poor to become ever more pronounced.

The performances are excellent, Johnson’s stylistic flourishes embellish without distracting, and it’s carried off with a wit that entertains and takes its narrative presumptions in its stride. And yes, in this future they do have hoverbikes.

GOOD FOR: Action entertainment that challenges the mind as much as it quickens the pulse.

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GIVE US A

PAUL MERTON: OUT OF MY HEAD

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Master of the surreal and Have I Got News For You mainstay Paul Merton returns to stand-up for the first time in ages. This new show lifts the lid on his brain and lets its brilliant and decidedly oddball machinations run riot in a performance that takes in music, magic, comedy, variety and much, much more.

Ha ha!

Vaudeville Theatre 404 Strand, WC2R 0NH. Oct 1-20. £21+ Charing Cross nimaxtheatres.com

EVERYTHING WAS MOVING

THE JUDAS KISS

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Photography from the Sixties and Seventies comes under the spotlight in this new show, looking at the two turbulent decades and how they and their events were captured by an array of world-renowned snappers. There are 400 shots on show from the likes of Bruce Davidson, David Goldblatt and Malick Sidibé.

Rupert Everett is almost unrecognisable as a flabby Oscar Wilde in Aussie Neil Armfield’s revival of David Hare’s 1998 drama. It homes in on two moments in the flamboyant Irish playwright’s life – being charged with gross indecency in 1895 and subsequently fleeing to Europe – and is finely judged and convincing.

Barbican Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS. Until Jan 13. £12+ Barbican barbican.org.uk

Hampstead Theatre Eton Avenue, NW3 3EU. Until Oct 13. £22+ Swiss Cottage hampsteadtheatre.com

AVA VIDAL What’s this week’s show about?

The show this week is not actually a themed show – as a solo gig would be – it’s just a straight-up stand-up comedy show.

Photos: Stephen Cummiskey

What has been your strangest show so far?

Once, a while back, I was warming up for a TV appearance and doing a gig with a lot of newer comedians.

Every single one of them went on stage and imitated Frankie Boyle – and imitated him very badly! It was just an extremely uncomfortable night for everyone, because they threatened to rape various members of the audience.

THE CAMPAIGN

LOVE AND INFORMATION

FILM

THEATRE

Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis face off as two warring politicians in this campaign trail comedy.

It’s less The Thick Of It and more Talladega Nights with suits, spin, satire and plenty of baby-kissing. Four-termer Cam Brady (Ferrell) is looking to rack up another election win against his new opposition, Marty Huggins (Galifianakis) – a political newbie who’s learning things the hard way under the media’s scrutiny.

The 50-plus short scenes in Caryl Churchill’s tantalising new play are packed with resonance.

In 100 minutes, this innovative septuagenarian playwright lets us eavesdrop on mainly private exchanges at moments of varying significance, each titled (Torture, Dinner, God etc). Some are funny, some sad, almost all of them work.

On general release from Sept 28

Royal Court Theatre SW1W 8AS. Until Oct 13. £10+ Sloane Square royalcourttheatre.com

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen this week?

It’s always funny when people get trapped in the doors of the Tube!

Always, always, always.

Which comedians inspired you to become a stand-up in the first place?

People like Chris Rock inspired me to become a stand-up, and Paul Merton as well.

ROFL and LOL The Finsbury, 336 Green Lanes, N4 1BY. Sept 26. Free Manor House

facebook.com/roflandlol

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt with Brucie blue eyes

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Time travel made easy Director Rian Johnson talks about how he kept things simple for the audience, and himself, in new sci-fi action thriller Looper WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

Time travel films are tough to get right – get the formula spot on and you have a cine-classic, like Back To The Future or Terry Gilliam’s 12 Monkeys. Get it wrong and you can stumble into an indecipherable labyrinth of complications resulting in audience bafflement. These were concerns that writer-director Rian Johnson was well aware of when he embarked on his time travel gangster thriller Looper.

“If you dig too deeply into any time travel construct it makes no sense and it’s going to hurt your head,” the east coast-born, California-raised filmmaker says. “As a writer you have to consign yourself to being a card magician – you have to come up with a consistent set of rules and stick to them.

Your job’s to give the audience enough so the time travel will perform its function in your story, but then figure out how to misdirect with your other hand so they don’t spend the whole movie thinking too deeply about it.”

The action takes place in 2042; time travel is yet to be dreamt up, but that doesn’t mean the year is free from the effects of future users. Within the next 30 years, time travel is invented; by 2072, it has already been outlawed. But people can still travel back, and, because of better forms of police detection, the practice has become a useful tool for criminals.

Rather than bumping people off using a pair of lead boots and the nearest river, they send them back 30 years to be eliminated by loopers. These hitmen wait at pre-arranged locations, gun in hand, to kill the marked men – and they get a big payoff for their efforts. The only rule is not to let your target get away. Of course, in Johnson’s tightly scripted thriller, this is exactly what happens to Joe when his older self is sent back.

Johnson’s third directorial offering sees him tackling a new genre. After making his mark with high school noir Brick and conman caper The Brothers Bloom, Looper sees Johnson making his science fiction debut, and he brings the sort of witty, smart-mouthed dialogue and narrative surprises that we’ve come to expect from this hotshot filmmaker.

He re-teams with his Brick star Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Dark Knight Rises) as looper Joe, with Bruce Willis (Die Hard) playing Joe’s older self, whose 2042 arrival sparks causeand-effect time travel machinations that could change the future drastically. As well as contending with grandfather paradoxes, Johnson had to convincingly portray the same character on screen at two different ages.

“If we were going to have this distinct a concept where they’re supposed to be the same person, I wanted some physical transformation,” Johnson says. “It is one thing where you have flashbacks or forwards and the actors are

“

Time travel films are tough to get right

”

never in the same scene, but [Willis and Gordon-Levitt] were going to be sitting across the table from each other.”

The answer was to subject the younger actor to three hours of prosthetic makeup every day to have him more closely resemble his co-star.

“I thought: let’s go the extra mile and make their profiles match a little bit, which was tough as they couldn’t look less alike. We changed the shape of Joseph’s nose, gave his lip more of a shelf, adjusted his brow and changed his eye colour with contacts to make the connection stronger.”

Gordon-Levitt even studied Willis’ mannerisms and speech ››

Rian Johnson (left) and GordonLevitt on location in Shanghai TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise from top left: Man meets boy; Rian Johnson calling the shots on set; 2042 fashion styles; Bruce kicking ass

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do to ensure that good won out and evil, no matter where or who it was, did not?

In among his cross-generational leaps are subplots involving future gangsters (2072, right?) and the evolutionary development of telekinesis, but it is how the

“

I wanted to create a recognisable world

”

central character(s) deal with the aforementioned moral dilemma that drives the film.

While there are action sequences (foot chases, shootouts, hoverbike encounters …) and moments of heart-stopping visual invention (a tracking shot as Joe Jr falls from a building, the camera tilting and following his perspective the whole way down), it is these ethical and philosophical questions that engage the most, with clear lines to be drawn between Johnson’s film and The Matrix, another movie that mixes action thrills with profound ponderings.

“Sci-fi is geared towards getting at a real emotional core and recognisable human dilemma through crazy concepts,” Johnson says. By using the time travel concept in his latest work, he’s made a mind- and heart-troubling movie. And he may well have made a cine-classic into the bargain.

Looper is out September 28 through Entertainment One

Photos: Entertainment One

to ensure their portrayals tallied up. “Joseph wrapped himself around Bruce, who recorded Joseph’s voiceover lines and sent them to him so he could study how he [Bruce] would say them.”

Small adjustments like Bruceifying his lead were just part and parcel of Johnson’s dedication to making a sci-fi film rooted in the now, and is as believable as can be for a movie with such an outlandish premise.

He weaves his tale through a future that refracts the present to maximise effects. The world 20 years on is bleak: a dystopia riddled with deprivation, despair and urban decay, yet where the rural areas remain relatively unchanged, at least to our technology-scoping eyes. That’s not to say Johnson’s future view is not populated with eye-catching gadgets and designs, though.

“I wanted to create a very grounded world that was recognisable and fun, and where you know instantly where you are at,” he says. “I wanted to knock the futuristic design elements back down to Earth a little.”

Looper is full of subtle future-tech designs – weaponry, paper-thin mobile phones, for example – only given a Johnson spin for practicality. So, where sci-fi film perennial the hoverbike is present, in Johnson’s world it is far from the coolest thing on the road. “They don’t even look like hoverbikes, they look like Triumphs, and they don’t work that well. It’s a flashy thing to turn up to the club on, but they don’t steer well, they don’t brake well and anyone who cares about their ride wouldn’t be seen dead on one.”

More conspicuous amid the future tech, though, is the moral conundrum at Looper’s heart – if you knew how the future would play out, and your role in it, what would you TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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21/9/12 09:35:02

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SPARETIME

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Green Day: ¡Uno!

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Borderlands 2 XBox

Hotly anticipated sequel to the role-playing, first-person shooter mashup hit. £39.99 play.com

CD

The first instalment in the San Fran punks’ three-part record odyssey return. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

The Testament of Sherlock Holmes

Deadmau5: >Album Title Goes Here<

PS3

Take on the role of the famous detective in this puzzle-solver. £33.99 tesco.com

CD

A cheekily titled newbie from Canadian DJ and producer Deadmau5. £8.99 tesco.com

Big Hit Baseball App

Salman Rushdie: Joseph Anton – A Memoir

Simple big-swinging action. £0.69 itunes.apple.com

Book

The story of how Rushdie angered a religion and lived with the fallout. £25 play.com

DM-1: The Drum Machine iPad app

Instantly useable, this mainstage thumping drum machine app has depth and complexity. £5.49 itunes.apple.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Total Recall Book

The former Governator spills the beans on his journey from Austria to Hollywood. £13 play.com

Tetris Light Gadget

The segments light up when touching one another, meaning there are oodles of game-themed illuminations. £29.99 play.com

The Raid DVD

Indonesia-set martial arts flick, directed by a Welshman, that stunned action fans across the world. £10.99 amazon.co.uk

Desktop skittles Gadget

Six pins at the desk – time to procrastinate. £3.99 play.com

The Dictator DVD

Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest sees fictional Middle Eastern General Aladeen hit NYC. £9.99 play.com

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App of the Week Quora Android app

From some of the minds behind Facebook comes this rejuvenated Q&A-style app. Got a question? Quora’s your answer.

Free play.google.com

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LIFESTYLESHOPPING

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Betelgeuse T-shirt Made using 100 per cent organic cotton in factories using ethical practices. ecoboutiqueshop.co.uk

Patagonia Fjord flannel shirt Lumberjack-style shirt made with 100 per cent organic cotton, produced by people who live near the fields in which it’s grown.

Wear Chemistry Radio T-shirt An eco-conscious fashion label creates funky, comfy casual wear. wearchemistry.com

patagonia.com

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£25

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MARKETWATCH GREENWICH GOES GREEN

Photos: Getty

As part of Organic Month, Greenwich is hosting an ecofriendly shopping extravaganza.

If you’re all about going green, or are just curious to see if you can pick up fashion, food and beauty products as good as your non-eco-friendly ones, this is for you. For the third year running, Greenwich Goes Green is your chance to learn how to cut your carbon footprint and take advantage of sustainable opportunities. Find out how you can have organic veggies delivered straight to your front door, or bring your bike to Dr Bike, who’ll give it a free MOT, fixing any minor repairs on the spot. If that doesn’t sound like enough retail therapy, there are plenty of things to buy.

Check out Sika for colourful clothes made with fabrics from Ghana. After being so good, reward yourself by stocking up on organic chocolate, and stuff yourself silly.

OPEN Friday, Sept 28. 10am-5.30pm shopgreenwich.co.uk Greenwich Market, SE10 9HZ Cutty Sark

Harvest Mary Jane Colourful footwear patched together using scraps from the factory floor, lightweight cushioning and soft canvas.

Eco chic .00

£32

keenfootwear.com

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£65

Felidae top Go green, and stylish, in this cute smacker of a T-shirt. ecoboutiqueshop.co.uk

£29

.99

.00

£30

£22

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Fikay Elephant bag Buy this organic cotton bag and 40 bricks go towards building a school in Cambodia. fikay.co.uk

Patagonia Active bralet .99 £41 Keep fit wearing this pretty design, made from 100 per cent organic cotton, using Caprice eco shoes eco-friendly techniques.

Cute red trainers made from patagonia.com hemp and recycled rubber.

Recycled skateboard belt buckle Keep your trousers up with a buckle made from the remains of a thrashed deck. thrashion.com

surfdome.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

ROWING CLUB Since Britain cleaned up in the rowing category at the Olympics, the popularity of the sport has grown to silly proportions. Captain Camilla Lister, from Putney Town Rowing Club, reckons her little south London group had around 600 enquiries this summer from people wanting to take up the sport. “Rowing is a real distraction from the stark realities of the working week,” she says. “Working as a team is vital – it’s a great way to develop friendships, and you get an adrenaline rush at the same time.” Lister explains that although there are big rewards, the sport requires a huge commitment, because it’s very technical.

However, she says that in return “it will give you a real purpose in life”.

Plus, the fitness benefits are huge, the sport uses all the body’s major muscle groups, from bum to back and arms, and the Putney Town club will give you a cardiovascular workout to remember. Sign up for £30 a month to test your confidence and mental strength.

Or sign up for a learn-to-row-insix-weeks course for £110, which includes one indoor tank session.

The Boat House, Townmead Road, TW9 4EN Mortlake putneytownrc.co.uk

@tntmagazine

Jump on board Hawaiian sport paddleboarding comes to London.

We explore the city while getting fit WORDS JADE BREMNER If you hate exercise that actually feels like exercise (monotonous running on a treadmill or boring stair climbing come to mind), consider taking a paddleboarding course.

New watersports centre WakeUp Docklands in east London and paddleboarding specialists Active360 in west London offer the chance to try the sport and get toned up on the city’s waterways.

“Paddleboarding has become a hugely popular way of keeping fit,” says our instructor, WakeUp’s Jack Ginty. The activity works the core, and uses arm and leg muscles to propel the boarder forwards. It also requires constant balancing, turning, lifting and pulling, meaning it works the stomach muscles and provides a cardiovascular workout at the same time. “It’s amazingly accessible, and can be taught in an hour,” reckons Paul Hyman, from Active360.

Instructor Ginty teaches British Stand Up Paddleboarding Level 1 courses at Victoria Docks, and, once proficient, you can put your skills to the test exploring docked mega-ships, abandoned factories and the city’s snaking waterways – all as part of your workout. “You can do a three-mile paddle in this stretch of water,” Ginty says, as we set out on our 10ft boards. With the right conditions, tides and wind he reckons it’s possible to travel at up to 10 knots (11mph).

“Despite what people think, the Royal Docks’ water is cleaner than seawater,” claims Ginty. “It’s brackish – both salty and fresh.” En route, we spot flounder, mullet and bass in the water. In places, this area

Paddleboarding with WakeUp [Caption] 36

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is more than 12m deep; it’s the largest enclosed dock in the world, which is why it doesn’t get stagnant. It’s also been here more than 20 years, and is historically fascinating. “We were recently on a boat with a vertical scanner,” says Ginty. “All sorts of shapes were coming up under the water, like London buses, taxis and boats.”

During my lesson, I plough through the water; balance-wise it’s much easier than surfing and, depending on where you find yourself, it allows you to spot waves and oncoming boats, and enjoy the sunrise in the distance (I’ve had a 7am start).

“We sometimes teach people to ride the whitewash on the Thames,” says Hyman, “or get them racing against the current in a mass-paddle. It’s a lot of fun and a diverse activity.” During my session, we paddle down small channels with bridges and obstacles so I can practise precision and turning. “The water goes all the way under the pavements here,” says Ginty. “Experienced paddlers can make their way under the city’s walkways, and explore this cave-like area.”

It’s a hugely calming experience despite the fact we’re working our bodies to the core. “No other sport in London offers this sense of freedom,” says Hyman. “You become an explorer while keeping fit.”

London paddleboarding sessions take place every day at various times depending on the weather. From £25 per lesson at both WakeUp Docklands E16 1AG wakeupdocklands.com active360.co.uk and Active360 KT2 6DZ

Explore the Royal Docks

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LIFESTYLEBEAUTY ECO BEAUTY

Aubrey Organics All-natural jojoba and oatmeal scrub £9.18 aubreyorganicsuk.co.uk

Ecover body lotion Plant and mineral-based ingredients £5.50 ecoverdirect.com

Mass-paddling session on the Thames with Active360

Photos: Active360; WakeUp Docklands; Thinkstock; Getty

MORE CORE WORKOUTS Core Ball WHAT: This central London gym offers a whole body workout, concentrating on the core, mid-torso and all the sporting muscles. With these blow-up blobs you’ll be doing press-ups and squats, and rolling them around in the name of fitness. It looks absolutely ridiculous, but really works.

WHERE & WHEN: Every Mon 7.15pm-8.15pm, 112 Great Russell Street, WC1B 3NQ ymcaclub.co.uk

Core-strengthening Pilates WHAT: You don’t need to be wearing a suffocating girdle to strengthen your core, reckons fitness expert Mark Anthony, who runs specially designed classes that aim to tone your stomach area. In the sessions you’ll use a ‘reformer’, a nifty cushioned device used in Pilates that supports your back while you’re building some serious strength.

NEXT WEEK WHERE & WHEN: Various times, 57 Ossington Breast Cancer Awareness Street, W2 4LY markanthonysuk.com

Jason C-Effects Gives your face a natural vitamin boost £15.99 jasonnaturalcare.co.uk

Wen Cleansing Conditioner Get silky locks using herbs £24.99 wenhaircare.co.uk

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Host with the most: make sure guests are well-fed

Sloping off work Getting paid to ski sounds like a job too good to be true. But it’s not – you just need to put in some hard graft as well WORDS CAROL DRIVER It’s billed as a life-changing time during which you’ll make new BFFs, improve your skiing or snowboarding and spend months in the fresh mountain air. For many people, working a ski season is a dream job – earning while playing in the white stuff for up to six hours a day. But it’s not all fun and frolics – you do have to earn your keep, and don’t expect that to be a lot.

The most popular job on the slopes is a chalet host. You’ll be responsible for cleaning as well as preparing breakfast and cooking dinner.

You work shift hours (usually 7am to 10am and then 5pm to 9.30pm) with one day off a week. And, on transfer days, you’ll be expected to get up at the crack of dawn to scrub the chalet from top to bottom. “Getting up early 38

to cook guests’ breakfasts, usually after a few drinks and only a few hours’ sleep, or cleaning the whole chalet on transfer day were the worst parts of the job,” says Richard Hudson, who manned a 30-person chalet for Esprit Ski in La Rosière, France.

“It is hard work, the days are long and you don’t get much time for yourself,” Hudson, 24, from Chalk Farm, adds. “So be sure you can deal with a hectic lifestyle before signing up.

“But I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I still rate it as probably the best six months of my life – and I was on the slopes nearly every day.

“Being a chalet host gives you more time on the slopes than any other resort job. Coupled with awesome nightlife, you’ve got an ideal job.”

As your main duty will be caring for guests, making sure they’re well-fed every day, put yourself ahead of other candidates by booking on to a cookery course, which shows you’re able to cater for large groups.

The pay varies, but, as a chalet host, you can expect to take home about £80 per week. For David Miller, it wasn’t about the money, but all about getting time on the slopes. Miller, 28, worked two seasons, in Tignes, France, and St Anton, Austria, for Skiworld.

“Your accommodation, food, lift pass, insurance, ski hire and any lessons you want are all provided,” he says.

“At the beginning of my first season I could just about stand up. By the end, I was going over jumps popping backside 3s. It is the best environment

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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ON THE JOB STEPHEN MCRAE CAREER Principal dancer with The Royal Ballet AGE 26 LIVES Covent Garden, London How did you get into your line of work?

My sister was a gymnast and dancer who inspired me to give it a try.

Luckily I had great teachers from day one and they inspired me to be better and better each day.

Photos: Thinkstock; David Miller

In action: David Miller

Work as an instructor

to learn in, as your SAY WHAT? to ski since the age of workmates will teach A natives.co.uk survey reveals funny five, but never having you to snowboard and seasonaire customer queries: snowboarded. Now I’m put the time in to make a better snowboarder sure you pick it up and ✓ Can you make the skis less than skier. progress quickly.” slippery, I keep sliding backwards “The pay was enough If you don’t fancy when I try to get to the lift queue? for beer money, and being a host almost ✓ I’d like to try snowboarding but the contract included 24/7, there are plenty I’m comfortable on my skis, could accommodation and of other positions you just fasten them together for food, so that’s all I available. Ski reps are me with Sellotape instead? needed. I’d definitely do sought-after. As the ✓ Is there anything you can do it again, it was one of main point of contact about this weather/ snow? the happiest times for guests, you’ll be ✓ Is that a gluten-free toaster? of my life.” dealing with problems, ✓ Do you have a hosepipe ban As a travel fan, you as well as arranging here at the moment? could find yourself on après-ski events. In to ✓ So if it’s winter in New Zealand the slopes anywhere in beauty? Therapists and when it’s summer in America, what the world. In Europe, masseuses often find month is it there?

France is the most work, taking care of popular option, while aching limbs. Or you can train to be it’s cheaper to live in Austria. Wannabe a ski/ snowboard instructor; work in pros tend to head to Switzerland, but a bar or a restaurant as a chef or a expect the cost of living to be high. waiter in a resort; bag a job driving; And it’s not just months of a jolly or get involved at a managerial level. that will count against your career.

Leila Dukes, 28, worked as a chalet Dukes adds: “I did it as an host in Tignes for one season, before experience and to make friends, but I heading to Morzine to be a restaurant have had employers in the ‘real world’ manager at a hotel with more than 200 who have been impressed by guests a week, working for Crystal. my seasons – I “I was responsible for a team of 18 guess what they NEXT WEEK staff across breakfast, lunch, afternoon show is that I tea and dinner,” she says. “I got on had drive and Teaching English the slopes up to four times a week. I independence at in China did my first season having been able a young age.”

What do you do day to day?

Work as a ballet dancer is tough!

We usually dance for eight hours a day, longer if there’s a performance.

On the days I’m not performing, I try to fit in some study at night, as I’m completing a degree in Business Management and Leadership.

The best part of your job?

Being able to do something I love that also supports me financially.

What’s the most challenging?

Staying in top physical condition.

Dancers at The Royal Ballet perform all year round, and the highest standards are expected every night. roh.org.uk

HOW TO... NOT BLOW ALL YOUR WAGES It’s temping to go all out every month once that pay cheque clears into your account. But here’s how not to.

• Save yourself at least £5 a

day during the week by taking leftovers to work for lunch.

• Set up a Direct Debit into a

savings account – even if it’s for £50 a month, it’ll work out to £600 over the year.

• Withdraw cash for a night

out and limit yourself to a set amount. Leave your cash card at home so you’re not tempted.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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tntjobs.co.uk PEACH NURSING T: 01582 635 149 peachnursing.com • Good rate of pay & regular income guaranteed for the right people • In-House / External Training Live Out positions • Daily Travel subsistence

MYKIDSCOACH.CO.UK www.mykidscoach.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Carers and Qualified Nurses Location: Central and North London Salary: Good Rate of Pay Peach Nursing are offering good rates of pay for Carers and RGNs to work in Central and NW London. We spacialise in Domiciliary Care for the discerning client who wishes to be cared for in their own home. If this is something you can do and you have the relevant experience, please forward your CV to info@peachnursing.com.

01582 635 149 | info@peachnursing.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Qualified secondary teachers to be Homework Partners Location: London Salary: Around £20 an hour

mykidscoach is an agency that gives teachers extra work in their spare time as a homework partners working on a one:one basis with children at their house.

Homework Partners supervise children’s homework after school/weekends.

You help the children organise their homework and make sure it is finished to a high standard. You will test/answer questions but you are not a tutor.

PRIVATE HOME CENTRAL LONDON

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live in House Keeper / Career Location: Central London Salary: Job exchange

We offer own flat furnished with all bills paid including council tax. In exchange for 25 hours per week otherwise unpaid.

Caring and running errands for elderly lady. Fluent English, responsible, honest, literate essential. Send picture, full covering letter, CV. Commitment to at least 1 year minimum contract. Nursing skills not essential, but useful.

Please send CV to mykidscoach@me.com. Find out more at mykidscoach.co.uk

Sian Coombs | sian-coombs@hotmail.co.uk

MR TOPPERS T: 0778 7807 782 - Lucy 020 7434 4088 - Becky Busy Central London Salon

JOB OF THE WEEK: Hair Cutters & Hair Stylists Location: London Salary: £300-500 p/w Mr. Toppers busy central London salons require top hair cutters and hair stylist.

Must be fully experienced and speak English. £300-500 p/w immediate start.

Lucy 0778 7807 782 or Becky 0207 434 4088

LONRES.COM LIMITED T: 0207 924 6622 www.lonres.com Lonres.com is a website for the exclusive use of estate agents, surveyors, valuers and relocation agents to showcase their properties.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Data Entry Clerk Location: Battersea Salary: On Application Duties will include uploading properties onto the site, making amendments to properties that are currently on the site, answering the telephone, etc. The ideal candidate will have a good command of the English language, be well-organised, pay close attention to detail and have a good telephone manner as well as typing 45 words per minute at least.

This is a full time position starting immediately. Hours will be 9am to 6pm Mon to Fri. Shirley Drummond – Office Manager | shirley@lonres.com

THE PHEASANT INN T: 017687 76234 www.the-pheasant.co.uk Charming small luxury hotel in the Lake District

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Assistant Couple Location: Lake District Salary: £13500 each + free live in accommodation Our hotel now requires a couple to join our team. Duties to include restaurant, front of house and bar. Minimum 6-8 months. Some experience required. English 1st Language. Must be able to smile!

Matthew Wylie | 017687 76234 | wylie@the-pheasant.co.uk

Looking for your next job?

NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

1517_JOTW.indd 40

JOBS 21/9/12 15:55:51

Design & Production Assistant TNT Magazine is looking for a talented designer to be based in its London office.

You’ll have a diverse portfolio demonstrating strong conceptual and typographic skills. Working under pressure, delivering on time and the ability to juggle projects will come naturally to you.

ARE YOU JOB HUNTING?

You’ll be working across our range of products and supplements, including TNT Magazine, tntmagazine.com and TNT Destinations.

Additionally you will be assisting the Head of Production in designing adverts, creating print-ready PDFs and handling all the production processes.

You will need to be disciplined and have the ability to work independently. You will work closely with the editorial staff, pictures and production but ultimately be able to work unsupervised.

Visit tntjobs.co.uk for vacant positions in all industries across the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

All the usual high-end design skills (Creative Suite) are pre-requisites for this role.

At tntjobs.co.uk you’ll find out how to land your perfect job, an A-Z list of employers, job alerts, career news and information, visa advice and details of recruiters.

Knowledge of the TNT market would be an advantage.

JOBS.CO.UK Solving your recruitment problems!

To apply, send a covering letter telling us why you’re perfect for the job, along with your CV, salary expectations and examples of your work to careers@tntmagazine.com.

tntjobs.co.uk MIRACLE WORKERS AGENCY T: 01873 881306

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Urgently Required Location: Various locations nationwide Salary: Average £560 per week

www.miracle-workers.co.uk We provide 24-hour live-in care to an exclusive list of clients

Flexible on-going assignments. Free accommodation and food during assignments.

Professional training and on-going support. All applicants must be over 21, hold a full driving licence and be willing to work over the Christmas period.

Cressida Reed | 01873 881306 | cressida.reed@miracle-workers.co.uk

CHANGE HOSPITALITY T: 020 317 63748 www.thechangegroup.com We Supply Freelance and Permanent Chefs to Top London Restaurants: Michelin / Rosette, Events Caterers & Band / Tour Catering.

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JOB OF THE WEEK: Freelance Chef De Partie or Sous Chef Location: London Salary: £9.00-£15.00 per Hour / £450-£750 We are looking for chefs of all levels to work at a well known restaurant in central London. To work a rota working 50-60 Hours a week, 5 days a week, from October till December. You must have Rosette / Michelin /1-2 Hat Chef Experience.

Oliver Townsend | 02031763748 | oliver.townsend@thechangegroup.

T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £10,000 by Christmas

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night.

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

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Photos: TNT/ Getty Images

BARGAIN BEDS No-frills hotel chain Travelodge has just released 68,000 rooms across the UK for a steal.

Book online and get a night’s stay for as little as £19 until Nov 18. Lastminute break anyone?

See travelodge.co.uk.

FILL ’ER UP We said fill, not feel. But this deal offers a similarly cheeky buzz. Buy two selected drinks at any BP garage this week, then fill up your tank and you’ll get 5p off each litre (including petrol, diesel and LPG Autogas). Drinks in the offer include Red Bull Energy, Volvic Juiced Cloudy Lemon, or Evian Action. Promotion lasts until Oct 8.

end of the week. Then take cash out with you. A lot of friends take their credit card out and spend loads. They all end up borrowing money before payday.

LAIMIS SUNA, 27 JOB Chef FROM Lithuania LIVES London How do you budget?

I only spend money on basic living and training.

My priority is the gym. After that, money goes on parties, concerts and holidays.

Last big blow-out?

I’ve learned from my last mistake, when I went to a party and took my card.

I spent £200 in one evening.

It was painful for me, so painful. I had to borrow money to pay my rent.

Any money-saving tips?

Decide how much you want to spend and how much you would like to have by the

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Clothes. I can’t resist because they look so nice!

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Helping hands It was reported last week that Russell Brand gave a homeless man water, his T-shirt and a lift to an AA meeting. We love a celeb do-gooder …

Compassionate Brand

❚ Meryl Streep’s also a sucker for a good cause.

She’s previously given the Silver Mountain Foundation for the Arts, Oxfam America and numerous others over £1.2m in total.

❚ Meanwhile, The Simpsons’

❚ Ultimate playboy Hugh Hefner is surprisingly generous. His large sums of cash go on causes such as stopping the Hollywood sign being demolished (£550,000).

❚ Angelina Jolie is supposedly funding a £3m wildlife sanctuary in poverty-stricken Cambodia to help the community and deforested areas.

co-creator Sam Simon is barking mad. He gave a giant £1.1m to the Sam Simon Foundation – to save the lives of dogs that enrich the lives of people.

Do you want to start work immediately?

We can start you next day for full or part time, evenings or weekends!

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LIFESTYLELIVING ECO HOME

STYLE .95

£79

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What your area says about you The gritty truth: how people perceive you and your postcode WORDS JADE BREMNER

Bruno + Bean hot pot BBQ and herb garden Chars and chives brunoandbean.com

00

. £18

Just got to London or looking to move area codes? Nigel Lewis, property analyst for Prime Location, reckons we should consider who else lives in an area before signing on the dotted line, because London is swamped with stereotypes. Here’s our guide to London’s clichés …

Chelsea, SW3

Garden Trading compost bucket Heaps of green style gardentrading.co.uk

.78

THE STEREOTYPE: The people who live here pronounce it ‘Chelski’. It’s so expensive that ‘Hooray Henrys’ and ‘sloaney ponies’ have been priced out of the area.

THE AREA: Filled with glitzy trustfunders and designer shops. The kind of place you might see Will Young buying a vacuum cleaner in his pyjamas.

PRICE: £££££ A drop in the ocean if you’re mates with Richard Branson’s daughter, otherwise look east.

£23

Mira Showers eco handset Headstart on savings diy.com

East London massive Dalston, E8

Menkind indoor allotment Home grown menkind.co.uk

44

Clapham, SW4 THE STEREOTYPE: The Aussie community is shrinking as neighbouring Nappy Valley is expanding, but you’ll still find a few wellheeled ex-ravers here.

THE AREA: “To be quite frank, Clapham is getting so public schooly now, it’s ridiculous,” says Lewis. “Balham is now exactly the same as Clapham. Same restaurants, same chains, same style.”

PRICE: £££££ At a high.

Notting Hill, W11 THE STEREOTYPE: David Cameron’s old stomping ground has become a bit of a hub for art and business students with loaded parents (“usually new Chinese money or old French money,” according to Lewis).

THE AREA: “You’ll get a room in a house here for £650-700 [a month],” explains Lewis, ”probably with people who are called ‘Boris’ and ‘Chantelle’”.

PRICE: £££££ Damn that soppy Hugh Grant movie.

Stoke Newington, N16

99 24.

£

into their first apartment here after spending years in single wilderness.”

PRICE: £££££ Dig deep, be hip.

THE STEREOTYPE: Film students riding around on fixie bikes or some kind of emerging fashion designer wearing a kettle tied to her head. Plus, it’s the best place in London to go for a kebab.

THE AREA: “Dalston is for people who can’t afford Hackney,” says Lewis. “People here are first- and second-job media types who are on not-so-massive salaries. They settle

THE STEREOTYPE: Big on quinoa.

THE AREA: There’s some kind of weird hippy force field around Church Street, the café and organic grocery hub of London, yet walk a few blocks and your bullet-proof vest no longer works.

PRICE: £££££ Has a great village feel, but no Tube.

Camden, NW1 THE STEREOTYPE: Tourists, Amy Winehouse fans and ageing former members of Nineties Britpop bands.

THE AREA: “People hanging on to the sad remnants of London’s 1990s culture live

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YOUR VIEW JOSEPH SOARES 19 Lives: Brixton “People in Shoreditch have extravagant clothes, and work in the arts. The people in Angel are posher. You can tell they’ve got money. They’re in the arts too, but probably architecture.”

EMILY WILLIS

Typical Camden crew

around here,” says Lewis. “Anyone with any street cred has long gone. They’re now in Hackney or Dalston.”

PRICE: £££££ Overpriced. Which, like seeing your mum dancing to Prodigy, is just a little bit wrong.

Brixton, SW9 THE STEREOTYPE: Ravers and rioters.

THE AREA: “It’s south London’s living-itlarge capital,” claims Lewis. “It’s got so much from a music and clubbing point of view that the well-paid Australians are leaving Clapham and graduating here.”

PRICE: £££££ Good value, good times.

Stratford, E15 THE STEREOTYPE: Actual poor people, who can’t afford its newer digs.

THE AREA: Up-and-coming, but be warned it’s still rough around the edges. “However, further into Stratford is a good place to invest,” reckons Lewis.

PRICE: £££££ The newly developed areas are pricey, but bargains can be found.

Wimbledon, SW19 THE STEREOTYPE: Boring. Where rich people grow children.

THE AREA: “The place where south Londoners want to live when they settle down, it’s full of yummy mummy bloggers and families that are fed up of the urban grind,” reckons Lewis.

PRICE: £££££ City suburbia is not cheap.

Soho, W1 THE STEREOTYPE: London’s kinky capital consists of sex club workers, media workers and successful gay men.

THE AREA: “There are two types,” reckons Lewis, “one is West End media agency owners or senior partners who pay £500k for a fashionable rooftop one-bed or twobed apartment. The other is the extremely underpaid serving staff who work at the nastier clubs.”

PRICE: £££££ Bright lights and very big bank balances.

Photos: Getty

The City, EC

Soho’s bright lights

THE STEREOTYPE: Nobody actually lives in the City, not even bankers.

THE AREA: “There’s a small arts community in the teeth of the capitalist lion who work at the Barbican,” says Lewis.

“Otherwise, it’s considered a rotten borough.”

NEXT WEEK PRICE: £££££ Ouch!

A guide to And the pubs aren’t even Crystal Palace open on weekends.

24 Lives: Bow “In Soho, all the people I know do their hair a lot. They are very stylish, and you get lots of fancy gay guys there with plucked eyebrows and big hair. Hoxton people are quite cool and individual – they have their own style.“

VALENTINA PAPA 22 Lives: Shoreditch “The typical person in Clapham is a student from a wealthy family. The style there is pretty non-existent – just T-shirt and jeans. Chelsea is posh and sophisticated. They have good jobs, but think about money too much. Life is for living, not just for working.”

STU ARMSTRONG 34 Lives: Bethnal Green “In Chelsea, people are posh, moneyed and well turned out.

I always think of blonde-haired girls with shiny teeth and lots of jewellery, wearing boots. They are the real people! In Dalston they’re a bit more expressive than in Shoreditch, a bit crazier, extremely trendy and possible gayer.”

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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WORLDVIEW

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On the sauce: this lush started early

BOOZE BUSINESS TARGETS KIDS AUSTRALIA The Australian Medical Association has accused the alcohol industry of encouraging kids to develop a taste for the demon drink early by marketing booze-flavoured sweets.

A new report from the AMA fingered the likes of Tim Tams ‘spiked’ with Tia Maria, Jim Beam whisky-flavoured crisps and ‘vodka’ fudge.

“It’s sending a subliminal message that everyone drinks… your first drink could be a Tim Tam,” AMA president Dr Steve Hambleton said.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK Donagh@enanram I never said I like being force-fed Alphabetti Spaghetti!

Stop putting words in my mouth!

D@twoptwips Control the badger population: encourage obnoxious toads to move into stately homes nearby! @gracehelbig Kate Middleton is royalTITTY

WOMAN DISCOVERS HUBBY WAS HER DAD US A woman from Ohio discovered her late husband was in fact her father following a DNA test after his death.

Valerie Spruill, 60, was raised by her grandparents, who never told her that they weren’t her real mother and father.

Spruill later met her biological pops, Percy, without knowing who he truly was.

The pair went on to marry and have children. It was only after Percy died that an uncle admitted to Spruill the man she had wed was actually her dad. A DNA 46

Illegal love: a bill to legalise same-sex marriage in Australia has been defeated in the House of Representatives. The vote count was 42 in favour and 98 opposed. The bill caused controversy in the lead-up to the ballot: Australian senator Cory Bernadi landed himself in hot water for saying gay nuptials could be a step on the road to bestiality

test was conducted using hairs that Spruill found on a brush in their bedroom, proving it to be true.

She told the Akron Beacon Journal her story in an attempt to reach siblings she had never known existed.

Spruill informed the paper she was not sure if her spouse had known they were father and daughter, but added she strongly suspected he was aware of the incest and was too afraid to tell her.

LOTTO WINNER KILLED FOR BEING ‘WASTEFUL’ AUSTRALIA A man who killed a lotto winner in New South Wales for “being wasteful” has been jailed for 18 years.

Peter Joseph Kelly, 55, pleaded guilty

to murdering Maria ‘Lou’ Devrell in her Tamworth home by hitting her over the head with a mallet and suffocating her.

The NSW Supreme Court heard Kelly had been a friend of Ms Devrell’s husband, David Devrell, for 25 years. But he became increasingly angry with the couple, who he believed were “wasteful” with their £3.2m winnings, Justice Robert Allan Hulme said.

On the day of the murder, Kelly was due to go camping with Mr Devrell but he called in first at Ms Devrell’s home.

The pair got into an argument over Ms Devrell’s desire to have more money. Kelly told police he became furious and was “seeing crimson”.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 12m

Number of topless shots of Kate Middleton that Danish magazine See and Hear threatened to print in spite of the injunction

Hilltop Hoods: popular with pirates

AUSSIES WORST FOR ILLEGAL DOWNLOADS AUSTRALIA Australians are the worst in the whole world when it comes to illegal downloads, new statistics show.

A survey carried out by Musicmetric found that with 19 million downloads carried out last year for a population numbering 23 million, Australia by far and away has the biggest community of illegal downloaders.

But the US and the UK are top of the pile when it comes to the sheer numbers of illegal downloads, poaching 96 million and 43 million respectively.

The Hilltop Hoods were the most illegally downloaded artists Down Under last year. The Adelaide hip hop group’s manager, Dylan Liddy, told the Sydney Morning Herald: “It is what it is. It’s great that the boys are popular.”

Popular among the throngs of Aussie pirates, anyway.

ART DEALER, OR ART STEALER?

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, John McLean

NEW ZEALAND An art dealer has been accused of nicking more than £36,000-worth of paintings from celebrated Kiwi artist John McLean.

Art dealer Donald Cornes, 66, allegedly disappeared with five of Taranaki man McLean’s works, which the artist claims he had given to Cornes to sell.

The dealer’s lawyer said the police file on his client was “large”, and asked for the case to be adjourned until next month.

FINAL 1517 World news.indd 47

Amount, in dollars, that Monica Lewinsky stands to make from a tell-all book about her sex life with Bill Clinton

13bn

Dealer dispute: one of John McLean’s artworks

Cornes is also being charged with making a fraudulent insurance claim for £9000 last June. He was a leading Australian colonial art dealer in the Eighties, according to reports.

BRIDGE FALL WOMAN SAVED BY ANORAK SOUTH AFRICA A woman from KwaZulu-Natal has told how she miraculously survived being thrown off a 67m-high bridge by a gang of carjackers.

Kavisha Seevnarain suffered a fractured pelvis and broken ribs after her attackers threw her from the uMkhomazi River bridge. According to News 24, her fall was equivalent to being dropped from the top of a 20-storey building. Ouch.

Seevnarain credited her incredible survival to her padded anorak, which she said she believed had slowed her fall.

“I fell, and fell, and as the water rushed closer, I thought: ‘I might be going to die, but I can fly!’” she said.

That’s positive thinking for you.

70

Value, in pounds, of bonuses awarded to British bankers last year. Heard of the credit crunch, guys?

Number of police protecting Uttoxeter, population 13,000, on a Monday night thanks to budget cuts

0

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Getting some shit out my chakras!

Pop minx Katy Perry on her progress at a spiritual retreat

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: FRANKIE MULLIN letters@tntmagazine.com

Privacy is an issue, boobs are not

Page 3 girls, Kate Middleton and the war on boobs

Photos: Getty

Why are we still so shocked by women’s breasts?

The Sun’s Page 3 girls could be putting on shirts and looking for alternative employment as an online petition calls for The Sun editor Dominic Mohan to ‘Take The Bare Boobs Out Of The Sun’. The petition received a boost in signatures (at the time of writing it has 25,000) after the headline-making topless pictures of Kate Middleton were printed by magazines in France, Italy, Denmark and Ireland, bringing boobs, and the appropriateness of their use as a means to sell magazines or newspapers, to the forefront of public consciousness.

A well-hashed argument used against both the The Sun’s Page 3 and the publication of the Middleton photographs is that these images are degrading to women. “Stop conditioning your readers to view women as sex objects,” reads the Page 3 petition.

Of course, no one is pretending that the Duchess of Cambridge’s case is the same as that of a Page 3 girl. The pictures of Middleton should not have been published because they were a gross invasion of privacy. However, they were not inherently degrading.

Likewise, why is a Page 3 girl with her tits out an “object” in a way that any other photograph of an unknown person is not? Why do naked breasts change the game?

There is nothing demeaning about being photographed with your kit off if the picture is being taken with consent. In fact, the power in that transaction lies in the hands (or breasts) of the one who is being photographed. It’s the male readers of The Sun, not the Page 3 girls, who I feel vaguely embarrassed for. There’s something immature and unsophisticated about the need to have a daily dose of 21-year-old tits with your news.

One woman with her boobs out does not negate another, who chooses to don a suit and work in an office. Human beings are quite capable of understanding that their fantasies about half-naked women in pictures don’t mean that every female they meet is a “sex object”. It’s the idea that breasts are somehow humiliating in themselves that needs to be questioned. » Agree or disagree? Is Page 3 a good thing? letters@tntmagazine.com

YES, THE HIGH STREET IS HELL A “shock” poll published last week revealed that women do not, after all, love shopping. According to the study, a third of women positively hate the experience, citing queues, clothes that don’t fit and rude staff as the main reasons for their failure to adhere to the “retail therapy” stereotype.

In fact, not only does shopping do little to soothe furrowed brows, but for many it is downright torturous; 15 per cent of women said they had cried on a shopping trip, usually because they felt fat.

It’s funny the things we feel surprised (or guilty?) about not liking. Of course

“

15% of women cry when shopping

”

shopping’s not fun. It’s the perfect storm, really: body image obsessions are highlighted, money we don’t have is spent and precious free time is wasted. Not many will take the brave step and stop shopping altogether. But I at least will feel heartened that one in three of my fellow shoppers would rather be in the pub.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Badgered Fury and contention over the cull of 130,000 badgers WORDS FRANKIE MULLIN

In what could be the biggest animal rights protest since the run-up to the fox hunting ban in 2004, diverse animal welfare groups from across the UK have united to oppose the culling of thousands of badgers, which has just been given the green light by the government. At the launch of a campaign in London last week, Queen guitarist Brian May spoke out against the decision, calling the cull “scientifically, practically, and ethically indefensible”.

As he unveiled the first of a series of billboards, May said: “We won’t rest until every man, woman and child in Britain knows about the tragedy unfolding in their countryside.”

The badger cull is proving to be as nationally divisive as fox hunting. For those from overseas, the passion triggered by the slaughtering of badgers may seem disproportionate, but England is a country with few remaining large wild mammals (wolves, bears, lynx and elk once roamed here) and many are fiercely protective of the species that remain.

“The badger is an iconic symbol of our British wildlife,” says May. “Badgers have been living in the British Isles since thousands of years before man arrived. Let’s not be the generation that stood by and watched them slaughtered.”

According to the government, the cull is necessary to curb tuberculosis in cattle. Despite the fact that human infection is rare, the disease resulted in the slaughter of 32,000 cows last year. The first licence for farmers to shoot badgers was issued last Monday and plans are for the cull to be rolled out across the UK. An estimated 130,000 badgers will be shot.

Opponents, including scientists and animal protection agencies such as the RSPCA (stopthecull.org) question whether killing badgers is actually an effective means of controlling bovine TB. The cull is based on a nine-year trial which showed that if more than 70 per cent of badgers in an area were eradicated, bovine TB would be reduced by 16 per cent locally and three per cent nationally. It’s hardly a dramatic result, and Lord 50

Krebs, the scientist who carried out the previous trial, has called the new cull “crazy”.

“The government is misleading desperate farmers for its own short-term political gain,” Joe Duckworth, chief executive of the League Against Cruel Sports said. “The cull won’t work. In 100 years, there will still be bovine TB.” He believes that there are other solutions.

“A cattle vaccine is near to being approved, and is currently being trialled in Wales, which has decided not to cull despite being faced with the same problem. Strict animal husbandry, vaccination, restriction of movement and cleanliness would be effective,” he added.

“

It’s scientifically and ethically indefensible

”

Suggestions of alternative controls have been dismissed by those in favour of the cull. Phil Hudson, head of food and farming at the National Farmers Union, told TNT that the licensing of a TB vaccine for cattle was still some years away.

“The National Farmers Union supports badger and cattle vaccination, but there are real issues with these. Trials in South Africa show that the effectiveness of a cattle vaccine may be only 50-60 per cent,” he said.

Hudson also disputes the findings of Lord Krebs’ trial study. “We are seeking to cull much bigger areas than the 2005 trials,” he said. “We should be looking at a decline in TB of around a third of cases.”

Not only are animal rights groups unconvinced that the cull will work, however, they also fear it will not be carried out as professionally as the government might wish. English

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Demonstrations will take place across the country

Nature said last week that it had “a low level of confidence” in the ability of farmers to coordinate the cull effectively. The RSPCA’s West Hatch Wildlife Centre in Somerset, near one of the first cull areas, will be monitoring how it is carried out, with veterinary staff checking badger carcasses for evidence of poor shooting and the suffering of badgers as a result.

Hudson is adamant that this will not be the case. “The licensing process is extremely strict,” he said. “Individuals who carry out the cull will undergo special training.”

The National Farmers Union is not insensitive to the anger caused by the cull. “We understand this is a difficult issue for the public,” Hudson said. “But it’s also difficult for the farmers. No one wants to see the slaughter of 32,000 cattle.”

Wildlife campaigners are unlikely to be convinced by these arguments. According to Duckworth the badger cull is nothing more than “dirty politics”; an attempt by the government to win votes by placating worried farmers.

“Badgers are seen as having no value,” he says.

The government and National Farmers Union are, rightly, expecting protests across the country.

“We have heard from local sabotage groups that many of them plan to take peaceful, non-violent direct action against the cull,” said the Hunt Saboteurs Association, known for its physical intervention of fox hunts and militant stance on animal rights. It’s been reported that some groups are planning action, to be directed at farmers involved in the cull, including fireworks, vuvuzelas and other noisy nighttime protests aimed at causing sleep deprivation.

Duckworth urges caution to those who would put themselves physically within range of an active badger cull.

“We’re desperately worried about direct action,” he said.

“We’ve heard about people planning to go out and stop shoots. Farmers will be armed with high-velocity rifles and, much as though we don’t want to see badgers killed, we don’t want people to get hurt.”

Brian May has spoken out against the cull.

Above: two protesters at a rally in Bristol

FOX HUNTING SHOWDOWN THE COUNTRY DIVIDED Soon after the millennium, Britain was rocked by mass protests both in favour of and against fox hunting.

For the Range Rover-driving country set, and for many farmers, fox hunting represents a centuries-old tradition and valid means of pest control.

The Countryside Alliance, formed in response to the proposed ban on fox hunting, spearheaded a demonstration in which 400,000 people marched through London, demanding that the government stay out of rural affairs.

Counter demonstrations by animal rights groups followed, with opponents to the “sport” claiming fox hunting was outdated and barbaric.

In 2004, fox hunting was banned in England and Wales. Hunts now claim to follow artificial trails, but, according to the League Against Cruel Sports, the law is often flouted, and many foxes are still killed on hunts.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTNEWS

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KP TO HEAD DOWN UNDER? CRICKET He may be on the outer with England, but controversial cricketer Kevin Pietersen could soon be playing in Australia’s Big Bash T20 league.

He’s being headhunted by the Melbourne Rebels, who are planning to send a rep to Sri Lanka, where Pietersen is commentating on the World T20 Cup, in a bid to secure his services – and the Sydney Sixers.

Pietersen isn’t the only star being lined up for T20 next year – Olympic sprint king Usain Bolt is reportedly still mulling over an offer from Shane Warne to join the Melbourne Stars.

PASSES EARN MONEY FOR EDUCATION FOOTBALL Europe’s second tier of footballers have extra incentive to play with precision this season: Western Union will convert every successful pass in the UEFA Europa League into funds for education around the world.

The initiative, Pass, is fronted by former international star Patrick Vieira and begins on September 20 across Europe. It will continue for the next three seasons, and it is hoped it will attract funding for one million school days worldwide.

Football fans from Africa, the Americas, Asia and Europe will also be able to contribute to the fund through a range of online and social media platforms.

“Football was my ticket to success, but for the vast majority of young people education is the key that allows them to become whatever they want to be,” Vieira said. “This campaign will benefit students, teachers and schools across the world.”

52

New Zealand shotputter Valerie Adams finally got her gold medal for London 2012.

Adams had a special ceremony in Auckland, after ‘winner’ Belarus’s Nadzeya Ostapchuk was made to hand the award back because of her use of banned steroid metenolone.

Adams said the IOC had cleaned and buffed the medal before shipping it to NZ

HESKEY’S GOAL: SCORE FOR THE JETS

BIG WEEK FOR ...

FOOTBALL

Australian surfer Mick Fanning needs a big performance at Friday’s Quiksilver Pro in France to stay at the top of the world championship rankings. At last week’s Hurley Pro in California, Fanning was upset by compatriot Ace Buchan, and will be determined to win in France to widen the gap between himself and second-placed Joel Parkinson, also of Australia.

Hawaii’s John John Florence and Kelly Slater are also hot on his heels. There are only three events after this one, and a big performance will go a long way to Fanning claiming his third world title.

His goal-scoring prowess – or lack thereof – might have made him the butt of many jokes in England, but exLiverpool forward Emile Heskey could be the answer to the Newcastle Jets’ striker dilemma in the A-League.

In what the Jets hope will rival Sydney FC’s signing of Italian star Alessandro Del Piero, former England international Heskey has reportedly signed a one-year deal worth around £642,800.

In an 18-year English top-tier career that also featured stints with Leicester City, Liverpool, Birmingham City and Wigan, Heskey knocked in only 117 goals in a whopping 546 matches.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Dan Lydiate Power Session. His way...

This Autumn. Our land. Our way Millennium Stadium

WALES v ARGENTINA

Adults £30 U16 £10

10 November 2012

WALES v SAMOA

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WALES v AUSTRALIA

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1 December 2012

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on sale now wru.co.uk Watch the advert

TNT_1517_Edit.indd 53

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BEER OF WORLD CHAMPIONS.

OFFICIAL ALL BLACKS

SUPPORTERS GEAR DS21162

Register and join the Steinlager mailing list at www.steinlager.com to go in the draw to WIN an Official All Blacks Puffer Vest or Polo Shirt.

You must be a resident of mainland United Kingdom (England, Scotland and Wales) who is 18 years or older to enter. The promotion commences on 24/09/12 and ends 28/10/12. To enter, simply register at www.steinlager.com/Register (selecting “UK” at the age verification gate) and join the Promoter’s mailing list. Prizes consist of 2 x All Blacks/Adidas branded puffer vests and 5 x All Blacks/Adidas branded polo shirts. Seven winners will be drawn on 30/10/12 and notified by telephone by 02/11/12. See www.steinlager.com for full terms and conditions.

The promoter is Lion - Beer, Spirits & Wine (NZ) Limited, 111 Carlton Gore Road, Newmarket, Auckland 1023, New Zealand.

Autumn season registrations at One Netball UK are

‘Now Open’

If you are looking for a fun alternate to the gym and keeping fit, a way to meet new people and reason for a week night social we have just the thing for you!

With something for everyone from Beginners to Pro Netballers, with venues across London get in touch now to get a space in one of our leagues.

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Aaron Cruden: could replace Dan Carter

PREVIEW Rugby Championship resumes SOUTH AFRICA V AUSTRALIA; NEW ZEALAND V ARGENTINA SAT, 3.30PM. SKY SPORTS 2; SUN 12AM. SKY SPORTS 3.

After a week off, it’s a battle for the number 10 jersey in both the All Blacks and Wallabies camps.

New Zealand’s Dan Carter will travel to Argentina, but doubts remain about the injured calf muscle that made him sit out as the All Blacks beat Australia and South Africa. Across the Tasman, Quade Cooper is out for four months with a knee injury.

Should Carter not make it, deputy Aaron Cruden is likely to get the nod, although there is a growing call to give Beauden Barrett some Test-match time.

For Australia, coach Robbie Deans will pick either Berrick Barnes or Kurtley Beale (who has had a shocker during the Championship). Both can play either number 10 or fullback.

The All Blacks pretty much have the Championship in the bag, but neither Los Pumas nor the Springboks will give up ground easily at home. Expect plenty of physicality as pride is on the line.

THE CHAT | Stilnox in the spotlight

Photos: Getty

all this I hear about Manly Sea Eagles Q What’s star Anthony Watmough hitting the Stilnox?

Why would he do that? brought the controversial sleeping pill back A Watmough into the spotlight last week after he confessed to using it in 2005 during his debut Origin series. He said he took a pill not knowing what it was – always a smart move. The second-rower revealed he was found wandering the team’s hotel in a druginduced stupor, wearing only a towel. It didn’t go down well with NSW management, and Watmough claims he was effectively exiled for four years from the representative team as a result. Stilnox has a reputation among sports stars, although NRL doctors have denied a prescription drug culture.

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The final countdown Saturday marks the AFL’s 2012 conclusion: here are this year’s highs and lows WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

What a season it’s been. Now it all boils down to two teams who will fight hammer and tongs to claim the flag on Saturday morning.

Like every finals series, there are always talking points and controversies that emerge. Here, we give you a run-down of all the hype leading up to the AFL’s biggest day of 2012.

All Australian team announced Debate always rages about who should make the cut, despite the fact that the All Australian team is only chosen on paper and never actually plays. Still, it’s a big honour for the players named and a source of pride for their clubs and fans.

Fifteen players were first-time selections on this year’s team, captained by West Coast’s Darren Glass – the most since 1982. Of the returning players, Gold Coast captain Gary Ablett and West Coast ruckman Dean Cox joined seven other players as six-time selections.

The West Coast Eagles had the most selections (four), while North Melbourne was the only finalist not to have a player feature.

Meanwhile, Richmond fans were outraged when Jack Riewoldt was left out, the first Coleman medallist omitted in the same season since Fraser Gehrig of St Kilda in 2005.

Brownlow medal Players will be dusting off their suits for the AFL’s annual night of glamour on Wednesday evening.

Gold Coast’s Gary Ablett, considered the league’s best player by many fans and critics, is the bookies’ favourite to take the award, although he will have to see off a strong challenge from Richmond’s captain-in-waiting Trent Cotchin, who recently won his club’s ‘best and fairest’.

Essendon’s Jobe Watson rounds out the top three ahead of hopefuls Patrick Dangerfield (Adelaide), Scott Thompson (Adelaide), reigning medallist Dane Swan (Collingwood), Sam 56

Mitchell (Hawthorn), Josh P Kennedy (Sydney), Dayne Beams (Collingwood) and Scott Pendlebury (Collingwood).

The WAGs will be glad with Channel 7’s decision to ditch the ‘WAG-On Wheel’ gimmick that had the ladies standing on a revolving wheel to give fashionistas a 360-degree view of their outfits. The rotisserie was always a controversial move, one critic labelling it a “giant lazy Susan”.

AFL video review incident The AFL was moved to defend its video review system after the reviewer intervened seconds after a Collingwood goal in the Eagles v Magpies semi-final, ruling that an earlier rushedbehind attempt at play from West Coast’s Andrew Embley was indeed successful.

Collingwood fans, whose team eventually won by 13 points, were furious with the call after Magpies utility Tyson Goldsack had appeared to grab the ball on the line and not let it cross entirely.

“The video umpire has that power, but only six calls have been made by the video person this year as the majority are made by the goal umpire,” the league said in a statement.

“The video umpire can call for a review if he sees something before play restarts and the on-field umpires are alerted by audiolink.”

Goldsack also defended the review system.

“It’s a good thing to have – if it went the other way, then you’d like them to call it back,” he said.

AFL/ NRL go head to head AFL might be king in Melbourne, but in Sydney this weekend ticket sales were head to head with its rugby league rival.

More than 100,000 tickets were sold to ANZ Stadium’s football feast, as the Sydney venue hosted Swans v Collingwood in an AFL preliminary final on Friday night, before Canterbury and South Sydney met in the NRL

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Clockwise: Dane Swan with partner Taylor Wilson; Canterbury and South Sydney clash in the NRL; Greater Western Sydney fans

equivalent the following evening. It was the stadium’s biggest weekend of sport since the 2000 Olympics.

Friday and Saturday’s combined attendance comfortably beat the numbers that were seen the last time the ground hosted back-to-back preliminary finals. In 2006, more than 60,000 fans went to the Swans-Fremantle AFL clash and a little more than 40,000 attended St George Illawarra’s NRL match against Melbourne.

But the top-priced tickets to the AFL clash (£100) are double the price of those for the NRL (£50), with even the cheapest tickets to the AFL (at £45) twice as much as those for the 13-man game.

Photos: Getty

AFL rises by 27 per cent in western Sydney AFL’s participation in western Sydney rose 27 per cent this year, with administrators saying the full impact of the region’s new AFL club is yet to be felt.

Greater Western Sydney may have experienced limited on-field success in their first season, but AFL NSW/ ACT won almost 10,000 new players in the region – up from 28,306 to about 37,000 in 2011.

The ethnically diverse region covers 14 local government areas and is a hotspot of population growth – one of the factors that attracted the league.

While the figures may rile those in the rugby league stronghold, Dean Connors, AFL NSW/ ACT’s manager for GWS says they’re not fudged.

“A participant is classified as a no-less-than-six-weeks paying customer, and emerges through Auskick programmes, through our clubs and our community programmes,” he said.

Connors said he would be promoting the club by engaging volunteers and universities, and “trying to spend money in better and more efficient ways”.

He also promised there was still more ground that could be made up by the AFL. Game on, NRL.

Gavin Crosisca

THE DRUGS DON’T WORK COACHES TO BE TESTED? The AFL already tests its players for drugs, and is now considering scrutinising its coaches after the revelation from former North Melbourne assistant coach Gavin Crosisca that he was addicted to drugs throughout his 25-year playing and coaching career.

Crosisca, who starred in Collingwood’s 1990 premiership team, confessed to an alcohol, cannabis and amphetamine addiction that he kept secret from teammates, his wife and his children.

As a result, he lost his home, his business and his coaching career.

Crosisca said he had been drug-free since May 2011, after being confronted by wife Nicole, who ‘‘kidnapped’’ him and took him to a clinic for treatment.

AFL football operations manager Adrian Anderson said: “If the coaches wish to explore being party to a policy, then we’re happy to talk to them about that.”

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

John Mikel Obi was subjected to racist abuse recently

Time needs to be called on football’s uglier side Offensive chanting and racist behaviour has to be stamped out

» Is enough being done to combat offensive behaviour in football? letters@tntmagazine.com 58

Legacy. Inspire a generation. These words have been bandied around a hell of a lot with regard to the Olympics’ lasting impact, most frequently debated in the weeks since the curtain came down on this year’s summer of sport. If the numbers turning out for the Tour of Britian are anything to go by, the UK’s passion for sport is continuing undiminished.

The worry was that London 2012 would be a shambles. It wasn’t. Attention – and typical British cynicism – then turned to legacy, and how this would fail, too. But as the Olympic cycling stars, Cavendish,

“

The UK’s passion for sport continues

”

Wiggins and co, turned out for the Tour of Britain, fans have been lining the streets in their droves, everywhere from Ipswich to Guildford to Dumfries.

Just as London shocked everyone, not least themselves, with a sterling Games, it looks like the legacy pledge is going to be just as surprisingly successful.

Photos: Getty

Last week saw several separate incidents involving football fans on the terraces shaming themselves with absolutely abhorrent behaviour. Incidents of offensive chanting have no place either in the game or, more pertinently, in 21st-century life. It is time the requisite authorities took steps, drastic if need be, to curb these despicable tendencies and rid football of them for good.

As Spurs took on Lazio in the Europa League at White Hart Lane last week, Tottenham striker Jermain Defoe was subject to monkey chants from sections of the away fans.

Similarly, Chelsea’s John Mikel Obi took to Twitter after Chelsea’s home draw with Juventus to apologise for his role in the west Londoners’ surrendering of a 2-0 lead – only to find himself the recipient of racist abuse. His account was subsequently deleted and the police informed, but it is not just racist behaviour causing alarm.

Two weeks ago, the Hillsborough inquiry absolved Liverpool fans of any blame for the 1989 tragedy in which 96 crowd members were crushed to death – a result that saw unequivocal apologies from prime minister David Cameron. This was greeted with jeers at Manchester United’s home match against Wigan that weekend, where some home fans are alleged to have chanted “always the victims, never your fault”, in reference to their rivals.

Such behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated by an individual on the street – why should group mentality offer a safe haven to these brain-cell-deprived morons? Earlier this year, Euro 2012 saw several occurences of racist chanting and the Patrice Evra/ Luis Suarez race row was an ugly blot on the Premier League, yet too little is done. Racism in Ukraine and Poland was largely dismissed, and Suarez was handed a £40,000 fine. When many Premier League stars earn six figures a week, this penalty is meaningless and tokenistic.

The offending individuals, on and off the pitch, need to be addressed appropriately, steps taken, culpability assumed and examples set to rid football of this dire affliction.

LOOKS LIKE THE LEGACY’S ON TOO

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

FEEL LIGHT-HEADED? Performance artists at Number Six Festival, a three-day poetry, arts and music extravaganza in Porthmadog, North Wales.

Photos: Getty, TNT, atl-turismolisboa.pt, elementooutdoor.com

INSIDE

TALL STORIES /64

EUROPEAN EXCESS /74

ON THE HIGH ROAD /80

We immerse ourselves in myths, legends, superstition and, of course, plenty o’ craic on the Emerald Isle.

Overdoing it is the name of the game in Lisbon, where booze hounds, shopaholics and foodies are all in their element.

We tackle ‘Death Road’, the most dangerous place to cycle in Colombia’s Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta mountains.

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TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer

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Who says vegetarians are wusses?

TRAVEL EDITOR

AUTHENTIC: WHO NEEDS IT? I went to a terrific talk this week about what makes an ‘authentic’ travel experience. (I spent half of it jealously scowling at the panellist who said he’d been snowboarding in Kashmir and ended up on a mountain in a snowstorm, sharing his lunch with some misunderstood militants. I don’t have a single anecdote that’s even a quarter as adventurous as that one.)

VEGETARIAN FESTIVAL Phuket, Thailand During this Taoist celebration, devotees walk on hot coals, jump over exploding fireworks or bathe in hot oil. What’s that got to do with 15-23 being a vegetarian? Excellent question. Traditionally, Thais with Chinese ancestry stick to a vegetarian diet throughout the festival for spiritual cleansing and good fortune. The daredevil stunts are in honour of the Nine Emperor Gods.

OCT

WHY: To say this festival is spectacular theatre would be an understatement – you will get to witness extraordinary acts of bravery (or madness, depending on your perspective). And gentler souls can just enjoy digging into all the delicious vegetarian dishes served up in the restaurants.

A3C HIP HOP FESTIVAL Atlanta, US

This festival has everything you could ask for from a 11-13 hip hop extravaganza – from B-boys throwing down in the freestyle competition to top DJs keeping the crowds up late. Now turn that baseball cap back to front and book your tickets.

OCT

a3cfestival.com

AUSTIN CITY LIMITS Texas, US

Summer might be over, but festival season hasn’t come 12-14 to an end just yet. This massive music event boasts some top acts, including Florence and the Machine, Jack White and headliners The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

OCT

aclfestival.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: You get to find out if it’s true that the ‘Ma Song’ (entranced horses), the people who perform the stunts – which include piercing themselves with fish hooks and bamboo poles – really bleed less than normal people. Don’t try it at home, though. phuketvegetarian.com

OKTOBERFEST Blumenau, Brazil

You know the drill: plentiful pints served up in 10-28 traditional beer halls alongside mouth-watering German treats such as bratwurst, sauerkraut and pretzels. All this and more will be going on under the bright Brazilian sunshine. Prost!

OCT

oktoberfestblumenau.com.br

MELBOURNE FESTIVAL Melbourne, Australia

What better place to hang with Melbourne’s notorious 11-27 hipsters than at this edgy arts festival? The programme includes experimental theatre, classical dance performances and jazz concerts – whatever floats your cultural boat.

OCT

melbournefestival.com.au

Photos: Getty

An ‘authentic travel experience’ often seems to mean a gritty, everyday experience that is supposed to capture the ‘true’ essence of a country. Where’s the fun in that? Surely the great thing about being a tourist is that you’re in the privileged position of getting to see the absolute best of places.

Does it matter if you’re only doing it because you’re on holiday? When I’m abroad, I want to taste the seafood, gawp at the Taj Mahal, take the two-minute camel ride, buy the postcard, snap a picture of the monkey – whatever’s going, really.

I mean, I’d rather not spend my fortnight in Nepal shelling peas.

My favourite memory of being in Shanghai a few years ago was taking some Chinese friends to a pub called British Bulldog so they could see what a ‘real’ English meal was like. We ordered pie and mash, about which they asked me hundreds of excited questions.

Could the gravy mix in with the mash, or was that the wrong way to eat it? Do the English prefer to tip the baked beans from the little pot on to the plate or keep them separate? I’ve never had such a blast eating lukewarm pub grub and later my friends told everyone they’d had a ‘proper taste of England.’

My point? It didn’t matter that the mash was lumpy and the pub full of the weirdest of British expats.

Sometimes the most inauthentic experiences are the best fun.

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FAST TRACK FOR RICH There’s not much hope of speedy border control queues at Britain’s airports any time soon.

Well, unless you’re filthy rich, that is. According to reports, travellers of ‘high value’ could be fast-tracked through immigration soon, as influential executives from outside the European Union have apparently been put off doing business in Britain by the lengthy delays. Corin Taylor, senior economic adviser at the Institute of Directors, told The Telegraph: “Anything that makes Britain’s woeful immigration process flow faster is a good thing. But fast-tracking some executives can never be a substitute for improving the system for all users.” Hear, hear.

Photos: Thinkstock

RYANAIR FACES PROBE Another week, another set of complaints about Ryanair. Aviation authorities are now investigating the budget airline following accusations that the company puts pressure on pilots to fly with minimum fuel in their tanks to cut costs. Numerous diversions as a result of shortages have been reported in the past three months, including three emergency landings in Valencia after Ryanair jets drew near to their minimum legal level of fuel. Commercial aircraft are required by EU law to carry enough fuel to cope with unexpected changes to their journeys, such as delays or re-routing.

te p

The staff at The Monks Bunk are backpackers like you so rest assured that you will feel welcome from the moment you walk in until you leave.

k co

GIRLS ONLY PLEASE! The cheeky Barcelona football team have demanded an all-female crew on their flights.

But don’t jump to the conclusion that this is just a typically testosterone-fuelled request from a bunch of twentysomething guys with more money than class. Pervs? Of course not.

Actually, the players have complained that male attendants are too starstruck by them, and are constantly asking for autographs and shirts throughout their flights. Turkish Airlines, which sponsors the Spanish team, has confirmed that from now on there will no longer be any male staff on the team’s journeys.

BUTLINS BOOZERS Butlins isn’t best known for its well-behaved clientele (especially given its popularity for raucous stag and hen dos), but the holiday park’s management in Somerset has decided things have finally gone too far. They will be ejecting particularly obnoxiously drunk revellers without a refund. Minehead locals are reportedly so intimidated by the drink-fuelled antics of visitors that they are too scared to come into the town centre. Avon and Somerset police added there had been a “high level of incidents of alcoholrelated anti-social behaviour”. Butlins will help fund two additional police officers in the area.

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Dingle Peninsula: Ireland’s most westerly point

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Bus tour

N. IRELAND

IRELAND

IRELAND DUBLIN Ennis

Cork

GETTING THERE Flights from London to Dublin start at £88 return with Aer Lingus. aerlingus.com

FREE BEER

from our cafe bar with every booking Mention TNT12 when booking directly with us

20 mins from Shannon Airport 30 mins from the Cliffs of Moher

64

The Rowan Tree Bar in rural Ennis serves gourmet meals that could rival many of the best gastro joints in London. Mains from £8. rowantreehostel.ie Head to An Brog in Cork for a solid weekend drinking session. It stays lively here until late. Pints from £2.40. anbrog.com A trip to the Emerald Isle wouldn’t be complete without some ‘trad’ music. James O’Keeffe’s Lounge is perfect for a quiet night with friends. Hot whiskey from £3.60. (Lifford Road, Ennis, tel. 065 6821238)

Cork’s Blarney Castle

Ireland’s Best Hostel 2009/2010/2011

For scrumptious fusion food combining Chinese and European dishes, visit Coco in Ennis. Mains from £10.50. cocorestaurant.ie

ROWAN TREE HOSTEL Harmony Row, Ennis, Co. Clare Ireland Tel: +353 65 686 8687 www.rowantreehostel.ie

The Woodstock Hotel in Ennis is cheap and cheerful, with a swimming pool and gym for working off all those pints of Guinness. Single rooms start from £23pn. woodstockennis.com Bru Hostel is one of Cork’s most popular hostels. They provide free internet and breakfast and a cheap laundry service. There’s also a friendly bar, perfect for meeting other backpackers. Dorm rooms start from £12pn. bruhostel.com

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UKTRIP

Tall stories Myths, legends, superstition and, of course, plenty o’ craic on the Emerald Isle

Photos: Kelly Griffin, Brendon Bishop, Thinkstock

WORDS KELLY GRIFFIN

“We still believe in fairies, here on the island,” says Carol, our effervescent Irish tour guide, to a busload of bemused backpackers. “The Irish may laugh if you ask them outright if they believe in fairies. But ask them to go near one of the fairies’ forts” – Rowan trees, which apparently can bring you dire misfortune – “they’ll say to you: not on my life.”

I’m unsure whether I’m having my leg pulled – the Irish are as famous for their cheeky humour as they are for their friendliness. I’m onboard a three-day bus tour of southern Ireland, and the emphasis is as much on learning about Ireland’s rich culture as enjoying some bloody good craic.

Throughout our trip we’re fed a constant stream of ‘facts’ about the Emerald Isle, which are part history, part legend, and part complete nonsense spontaneously invented by Carol just to entertain her gullible tour group. And entertained we certainly are.

The fun begins just a few hours into the trip, when I find myself lying on the cold, hard, bluestone roof of 600-year-old Blarney Castle in the ‘Rebel County’ Cork. Having climbed for what seemed an eternity up the claustrophobic castle staircase, I’m instructed by the castle guide to lie down with my head against the very edge of the roof. While he grabs hold of me for support, I’m told to bend backwards over a gut-churning 27m-high drop, grab hold of the adjacent wall about a half-metre from the roof’s edge, and, upside down, plant a wet one on the well-worn Blarney Stone.

Legend has it that those who lock lips with this particular slab of bluestone, one of Ireland’s most famous landmarks, will be endowed with the ‘gift of the gab’: an ability to both speak eloquently and flatter the pants off anyone. It seems to have worked for Mick Jagger, Billy Connolly and even Winston Churchill – all of whom have kissed the Stone before me – and so I say, ‘what the feck’, and I shut my eyes and pucker up.

The details of the following eve are hazy at best – I remember something about dancing all night with a bunch of newfound friends (perhaps the Blarney Stone’s powers came through after all?) to a so-cheesy-they’re-awesome covers band at an Irish pub. I wake up the next day with a throbbing headache, and Carol says yep, no doubt about it, I’ve been visited by a grogoch.

A grogoch, she tells me, is a little elf-like figure that visits

you after a big night out; he does a little jig on your head (a-ha, hence the headache) and may even steal some of your cash, which is why you sometimes seem to have drunkenly spent more money than you should have – the cheeky bugger has actually taken it.

Later that day, with The Pogues playing loud and proud on the stereo, the bus heads towards the Dingle Peninsula, Ireland’s most westerly point, where the fertile green hills meet golden sands. The sun is out and I smile to myself when I see a strong beam of sunlight fall brightly on one particular green hill; if this were a fairytale, that would be where the leprechaun’s pot of gold is hidden.

“

I plant a wet one on the Blarney Stone

”

We spend our last night in Ennis, in Ireland’s ‘most superstitious county’, Clare. After a night out enjoying live traditional Irish folk music and hot whiskey, I’m sitting alone in my room, when it dawns on me just how eerily quiet it is, save for the blustering wind belting the windowpanes – oh, and the echo in my head of Carol’s throwaway comment that the hostel we’re staying in is haunted.

Now, I don’t believe in ghosts, or fairies, or leprechauns.

But maybe the superstitions of this rather magic land have seeped into my brain, because do you think I’m going to spend a night in this room, alone, to see if Carol’s (total baloney) remark is true? Ha, not on my life.

I hurriedly grab my things and sneak into a spare bed in the shared dorms on the ground floor. ❚

NEXT WEEK

A three-day Southern Shamrocker tour costs £119pp with Shamrocker Adventures shamrockeradventures.com

Wet and wild: Plunging into icy seas in Cornwall

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LATEDEALS

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Watch nature at work on a sevenday tour of Africa with Intrepid My Adventure Store for just £299pp

DEAL OF THE WEEK BARCELONA BREAK

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AFRICA A seven-day tour is £281pp with Intrepid My Adventure Store (myadventurestore.co.uk; 08448 153650). Includes Johannesburg and Victoria Falls, camping and some meals, based on two sharing. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by November 30, valid for travel until December 20.

MOROCCO A 10-day Christmas tour is £339pp with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes some meals and four-star accommodation. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by September 30, departs December 25.

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COSTA RICA A 10-day surf and volcanoes tour is £654pp (save £115pp) with Grand American Adventures (0844 576406; grandamericanadventures.com).

Includes a survivor course, snorkelling and zip-lining, camping and hotel accommodation. Excludes flights and local payment. Departs October 31 from San Jose.

SEYCHELLES Seven nights is £899pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk).

Includes return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation. Valid for travel throughout October.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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BRUSSELS A one-night stay is £99pp (save £22) with Flight Centre (flightcentre.co.uk; 0844 8008624) quoting reference 2196864. Includes return Eurostar tickets and room-only, four-star accommodation at the Brussels Hotel, based on two sharing. Book by Sept 30, valid for travel November 1-30.

AMSTERDAM & BRUGES A twonight trip costs £189pp with Anderson Tours (0207 4369304; andersontours.co.uk). Includes return luxury coach travel and ferry crossings, a guided sightseeing tour of Amsterdam, a visit to a cheese and clog factory in Volendam, a half-day trip to Bruges and two nights’ B&B accommodation. Departs September 28.

EGYPT A nine-day Christmas and New Year tour is £194pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com).

Visiting Pyramids, Sphinx and more.

Includes accommodation, some meals, guides and more. Excludes flights, excludes local payment. Book by September 30; departs December 24.

PRAGUE A three-night Christmas Markets trip is £169pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes return flights and five-star, B&B accommodation at the Crowne Plaza Prague hotel. Departs from London Gatwick on November 24.

£250 – £500

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Shortlisted

VOTE NOW &

WIN

The shortlist nominees have now been selected

Travelled in 2012?

Want to win a NEW TG-1 Olympus Camera?

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The 2012 Golden Backpack Awards are taking place on October 25. Your vote counts! Go online and register your votes and you could win yourself a TG-1 Olympus Camera!

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RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

PARKED BOATS Craig Dowling, Australia

WHY IT WORKS The still water acts as a mirror on the world above, showing the viewer a perfect reflection of the sky, but darker. The boats and buoys are completely still, and not a single ripple can be seen. The boats are evidence of man’s presence, but no one is visible in this quiet scene. Gentle pinks and oranges mingle with the scattered clouds as dusk falls. The way the land curves at the centre of the image draws your eye into the distance towards the clear, yellow sky.

RUNNER-UP SUBMERGED WORLD Claa Udia, Italy

WHY IT WORKS Like a scene from a surrealist painting, the tower rises dramatically out of Italy’s Lake Resia, an artificial pool that was created by the building of a dam. The marooned steeple belongs to a 14th-century church that was submerged when the land was flooded, and is only accessible when the lake freezes in winter.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER A THREE DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

HOT TIPS: Water The fluidity of water makes it a fantastic subject. To capture a mirror-like reflection the water must be still with no sunlight directly on the surface. You can get more abstract reflections when the water is gently rippling and swelling. You will need to have good light conditions, and you may want to get fairly close to the water surface to capture a decent reflection of the landscape and sky

around you. To get a sharp image you might have to vary your shutter speed until you get the desired conditions. Spray and splashes present a great chance to show action and adventure in your images, such as a car speeding through a puddle or a surfboard travelling along the perfect wave. You may need to use your camera’s multishot mode to ensure you don’t miss the moment!

WIN

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

1

HOT AIR BALLOON RIDES

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ALBUQUERQUE, US

Depending on your generation, hot air ballooning probably conjures up one of two images – both of which involve middle-aged gents with impressive facial hair. It’ll either be Phileas Fogg floating over the Pyrenees with moustache a-twirled, or Richard Branson grinning out from under a colossal Virgin advert – sorry, hot air balloon. But don’t be put off.

If you join their ranks and try out a hot air balloon ride on your next holiday, you’ll be in for unmatchable bird’s eye views and the adventure of not knowing in which direction the wind will take you. There’s no way of steering a hot air balloon, as it travels with the wind, so all the pilot can do is control the balloon’s height to catch a gust going in the desired direction.

Enjoy the deep silence as you coast over mountains, hills, lakes or desert, depending on which part of the world you’re lucky enough to be seeing.

There’s no feeling of motion or noise, so the sensation is dreamily peaceful – that is until you land, when tradition dictates you pop a cheeky bottle of 70 00

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Champagne to celebrate. Apparently the bubbly isn’t just to add a splash of glamour to your journey, but because early French aeronauts use to carry Champagne to soothe angry spectators when they landed.

One of the biggest hot air balloon festivals in the world is The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, where hundreds of balloonists gather every October to fly at the same time. The sky over the Balloon Fiesta Park in New Mexico is filled with hot air balloons of all colours and designs from October 6-14 this year, and you can visit just for the spectacle.

The fiesta includes wacky events such as the Special Shape Rodeo, where you’ll see balloons shaped like giant pumpkins, storks or pigs, to name just a few. There’s also an impressive show of illuminated balloons in the evenings.

And of course you can take a flight yourself – book in advance with on-site balloonist company Rainbow Riders, which offers rides throughout the festival from £250 per person. balloonfiesta.com

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN

2

SOSSUSVLEI, NAMIBIA

Cool temperatures are best for hot air ballooning, and so in the desert this means taking off at dawn.

Fortunately, this is the perfect time to fly in Namibia. As the balloon rises with the sun, the first hour of daylight makes the towering sand dunes of the Sossusvlei area, and its orange desert plains and mountain ranges, practically glow. If you’re lucky, you might see ostriches or springbok too. A pricey one at £357 per person. sossusvleilodge.com

Photos: Thinkstock

4

CAPPADOCIA, TURKEY

The scenery in the ancient region of Cappadocia is nothing short of surreal.

Three million years ago, volcanic eruptions covered the surrounding plateau, which has since been eroded into strangely shaped cones and pillars known as ‘Fairy Chimneys.’

Some of the more juvenile among you might observe they look more like something a touch ruder, but either way, a balloon ride past these weird formations is the best way to make up your mind. From £128 per person. goremeballoons.com

3

NAPA VALLEY, US

Amman’s pretty hills

Most of your holiday in the Napa Valley will probably revolve around drinking bottle after bottle of the region’s fine wines, but a hot air balloon ride here is one activity that’s definitely worth staying sober for.

Rising over 2000ft, you’ll fly over vineyards, deep green hills, treetops and mountains. And don’t panic, you can get stuck back into the drinking as soon as you land, with a Champagne breakfast.

From £132 per per person. napavalleyballoons.com

5

GSTAAD, SWITZERLAND

You can breathe in lungfuls of crisp, cold Alpine air as you fly over snowy mountains if you pick Gstaad for a hot air ballooning experience.

Winter is the best season to go as the area has tip-top flying conditions at this time of year. The snow-covered landscape and the tiny Swiss chalets and villages beneath look like scenes from a Christmas card. Make sure you bring along a flask of hot chocolate for the journey though, as it’s going to be pretty chilly up there. From £270 per person.

ABBASI PALACE OVERVIEW To get to the Abbasi Palace in Amman, you have to drive right into the middle of the Old Town’s chaos and then drag your luggage down a dirty side street that looks as though it was designed for robbing vulnerable backpackers. But this truly terrific hostel’s exterior really doesn’t do it justice.

There might not be a whole lot of choice for the budget traveller in Amman, but that’s not the reason the Abassi Palace is so popular. It has cheap, spotless rooms and extremely accommodating staff. Whether you want help booking a taxi, advice on where to get a cheap feed nearby, or a hastily sketched map with a list of recommended city sights, the guys behind the front desk are always happy to oblige.

There’s also free wifi.

WOW FACTOR They throw in a traditional Jordanian breakfast of pitta bread, falafel, cheese, eggs and tea.

ROOMS We can’t claim they’re pretty, but they are clean and simple, and for the price you really can’t ask for much more than that.

ROOMS Dorm rooms from £7pn.

abbasipalace.hostel.com

alpine-ballooning.com

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TRAVELTIPS

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Visit Berlin’s majestic Brandenburg Gate

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free wi-fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

plan to go to Myanmar for six weeks, Q Iand I’ll be travelling as a backpacker

planning to go to Berlin for the Q I’m Christmas markets. Do you have any

on a low budget. What tips do you have to reduce the amount of money I spend going towards supporting the regime? Which organisations could I contact beforehand?

Brian, via email

tips for what we could squeeze into a long weekend? Kimberley, via email

72

you will be spoilt for choice. This edgy, arty city is a living museum to modern history with an incredible arts and music scene, teamed with great nightlife. There is a huge selection of Christmas markets to choose from, and each one has its own individual niche. Some highlights include the market at the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church in west Berlin, which is a sight in its own right. The church was partially destroyed in World War II, and, rather than being rebuilt, it has been left as a reminder of the devastation. For an edgier take on a Christmas market, head to the cool eastern area of Prenzlauer Berg and the market at the Kulturbrauerei, which is a converted brewery.

Also, visit the longest remaining section of the Berlin Wall in the city, the East Side Gallery, which is covered with incredible art. Then head to the hub of east Berlin, Alexanderplatz, where you will find relics of the city’s Communist past – the World Clock and TV tower are both striking monuments from this era. From here you can walk towards Unter den Linden (under the linden trees), Berlin’s main promenade, passing sights such as the site of the now destroyed Palace of the Republic. At the end of the street you’ll find the iconic Brandenburg Gate.

TIP

OF THE

ON YER BIKE WEEK Hire a bike in Westport and cycle around Clew Bay. Your arse won’t be right for a few days, but you will definitely have seen some amazing views. Follow it up with a drink or three in Matt Molloy’s bar (mattmolloy.com) – you’ll have earned yourself a pint of Guinness by then.

Rebecca Hausler, via Facebook GIDDY UP One of the best things you can do in Killarney is take a ride in a horse-drawn cart. You get to see plenty of Killarney National Park and the deer as well as Ross Castle and Lough Leane. Any time is a good time to go – if it’s raining, just make sure you wrap up in warmer clothes and quit complaining!

Nic Hughes, via Facebook

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Thinkstock

is a common concern among travellers, A This and the National League for Democracy (NLD) used to ask tourists to boycott visiting the country. However, they are now in favour of independent travel to the country because this is the best way of ensuring your money goes directly to local people rather than the militarycontrolled government.

It is impossible to visit the country without some money going to the government, for example through taxes. So it’s advisable to try to spread your spending as widely as possible among hotels, taxis and restaurants, for example, to ensure that at least some money will support local businesses.

With regards to organisations to contact beforehand, the main tourism body is Myanmar Travels and Tours, but this is operated by the government. Instead, you are advised to speak to private travel agents when you arrive in Yangon to arrange your travel and accommodation. The new edition of Lonely Planet’s Myanmar guide has been updated, and contains information on independent tourist services. The Foreign Office’s website is a good resource to find safety advice before you travel (fco.gov.uk).

is one of my all-time favourite A Berlin cities. There is so much to see and do that

READERS’ TIPS...

ON IRELAND

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

BARCELONA, SPAIN Petya Velcheva, from Bulgaria

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

MICHELLE WYNGAARDEN, 28

TOM TOWNDROW, 27

Victoria, Canada

London, England

BEST I travelled to Beijing during the Paralympics four years ago. Those special events are very unique. Beijing was just a completely different culture – I definitely tried a lot of weird food, but I don’t remember what it was.

Your most memorable travel experience?

When I was a teenager, I went on holiday to Kenya. We got to go on safari and I saw some hippos, lions and a black rhino – that was pretty damn cool.

Scariest travel moment? Driving in Rome with my family 10 years ago. They are just crazy with their driving over there.

Best travel tip?

Don’t lose your cards and money because that’s a real pain. Keep your valuables close to you at all times!

WORST On the same trip to China, I found it pretty difficult to get anywhere or communicate. One time I was left in the middle of the city and I wasn’t even able to ask people where I should go. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT Images

SPLASHING OUT

MOON VIEWING FESTIVAL IN JAPAN Take in the sights of Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima and Hakone, and experience the Tsukimi (Moon Viewing) festival.

The eight-night package costs £1199pp with Japan Journeys (020 77665267; japanjourneys.co.uk).

Includes B&B accommodation (including one night in a traditional ryokan), and a seven-day Japan Rail Pass. Excludes flights.

THE INSIDER

SIMON SCUTT Founder On Foot Holidays

My first ever big trip was hitchhiking to Vienna aged 17 and being picked up on the autobahn by a brewery owner, who then fixed me up with a job in his bottling plant in exchange for teaching him English.

My most challenging travel experience was visiting Marrakech with my family in 1990. While they wandered happily around the souks, I was just appalled by the poverty.

It was eye-opening.

My favourite place in the world is Slovenia. A small country with a big heart, and genuinely unspoilt countryside – particularly the Karst area.

The next trip on my travel wishlist is the interior of Turkey, with a backpack and humility.

My guilty travel pleasures are food and wine. Whenever I walk for a week, however arduous, I also come back heavier than when I started.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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[Caption] The city’s lights flicker on as twilight falls over Lisbon

Lisbon PORTUGAL

PORTUGAL SPAIN LISBON

GETTING GETTINGTHERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Flights from London to Lisbon start at around £34 return with easyJet easyJet.com

Evening [Caption]drinks in Bairro Alto 74

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European excess Overdoing it is the name of the game in Lisbon, where booze hounds, shopaholics and foodies will all be in their element WORDS HELEN ELFER

Clubbing fiends looking for a city break are likely to opt for an obvious European party hotspot like capital of cool Berlin, while foodies automatically book their trips to Paris and shoppers hit Milan. But they’re all making a huge mistake by overlooking Lisbon.

Not only can the Portuguese capital get in the ring with any of the more popular European holiday heavyweights, it’s also considerably cheaper, with bargain bars and reasonably priced hostels around every corner. Cobbled streets, quiet old churches and the iconic Cristo Rei statue – which looks serenely out over the city – might give the impression that Lisbon is a place of old-fashioned moderation. But in reality, the city is full of opportunities for even the most hedonistic of holidaymakers to over-indulge themselves.

Shop ‘til you drop Vintage bargain hunters and retro enthusiasts will definitely be going home with their suitcases stuffed full. Sweetly wrapped soaps and bright trinket boxes sold in Baixia’s shopping district make for great gifts, but some of Lisbon’s best buys are classic pieces, such as the old-fashioned, handmade leather gloves you can pick up for a snip at Luvaria Ulisses (luvariaulisses.com), which has been open since 1925. Many of the old fabric, bead and knicknack shops nearby in Baixa have been run by the same families for generations and have a genuinely old-world atmosphere.

For more up-to-the-minute gear, visit local designers’ boutiques in the backstreets of Bairro Alto where offbeat, bold jewellery is for sale alongside quirky clothes. The most famous local fashion designer, Ana Salazar, has an outlet on Rua do Carmo (anasalazar.pt).

Usually when you’re travelling abroad it’s best to avoid the chains you can shop in just as easily at home. But it’s worth keeping in mind that clothes from high street faves such as Zara and Mango are sold here for significantly less than they are in London, so keep your eyes peeled around Chiado or Avenida da Liberdade for a steal.

If you’ve got any room left in your luggage, allow yourself a few hours’ wandering through the stalls at Feira da Ladra, a flea market that’s nearly 1000 years old. It’s known as ‘thieves market’ and runs every Tuesday and Saturday, selling handmade crafts, clothes, antiques and furniture to Lisbon’s bargain hunters.

Stuff yourself silly Because of Lisbon’s closeness to the sea, it’s not surprising that fish and seafood appear on practically every menu in the city. Look out for grilled sardines and sea bass, which you can often spot being cooked over a fire in the street.

One local favourite is bacalhau, which is dried salted cod.

Lisbonites swear it’s delicious, although many would consider it something of an acquired taste. Finally, don’t even think about leaving Lisbon until you’ve scoffed down a box full of

“

Lisbon gets really raucous at weekends

”

the infamous pasteis de nata. These rich, custardy egg tarts are probably Lisbon’s most famous export, and are served ›› piping hot.

Cristo Rei towers over the city TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Bar hopping Now this is where things get really hedonistic. The average cost of a pint in Lisbon is less than £2, which is reason enough to celebrate. The main drinking and clubbing area is downtown Bairro Alto, where traditional taverns are clustered alongside restaurants and chic cocktail bars. It gets really raucous here at the weekends, and because of the party vibe and low prices, the area is becoming increasingly popular for British stag and hen dos. You have been warned.

Most beer drinkers get stuck into the local draught, Imperial, but cocktails are also popular and relatively inexpensive here at around £5 a drink. There are also plenty of tasty regional Portuguese wines to try, such as Dão reds, Vinho Verde from Minho, and of course port.

If you want to go for a more traditional tipple, try ginginha, which is a liqueur made by infusing ginja berries (or sour cherries) in alcohol. It’s served in a shot glass with fruit at the bottom and is so delicious that a local compliment for anything that tastes good is: “Sabe que nem ginjas” (“It tastes like ginja”). ❚

Head out for the evening by tram

NEXT WEEK Bangin’ Berlin: We get stuck into the city’s legendary club scene

EAT

BUDGET

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

The famous Portuguese custard tarts can be found in numerous stalls and cafes in Lisbon, but aficionados recommend those served at Cafe Pastéis de Belém. Founded in 1837, this tearoom keeps its recipe a secret, but however they’re making them, each is a mouthful of goodness and only about 50p.

Ideal for a leisurely and inexpensive lunch, Pois, cafe has an oftenchanging menu of sandwiches, soups, pasta and rice dishes. The atmosphere is warm and friendly.

Mains from £6.

Housed in an old 17th-century convent, A Travessa delivers a very traditional Portuguese meal, which could include anything from filet of wild boar in port-wine to John Dory in saffron sauce, served up, naturally, with some great Portuguese vinos.

Mains from £14.

poiscafe.com/en

atravessa.com

pasteisdebelem.pt

DRINK

Only three people can fit inside A Ginginha, so make your drink of the cherry liquer a swift one. A fruity shot of this traditional Portuguese drink costs about £1. (Largo de São Domingos 8, tel. + 351 21 886 2449)

The place to go for top-notch cocktails is Cinco’s Lounge, a lowlit, funky bar with a creative drinks list. Make sure you order the Right Said Fred, with cardamom, fresh pineapple, lime and lashings of rum.

Cocktails cost just £5 a pop. cincolounge.com

You can’t leave Lisbon without a night in a Fado House, where folk music is played on a Portuguese guitar accompanied by a solo singer.

Senhor Vinho is one of the most authentic in town and is owned by one of the country’s top performers, Maria da Fé. Come for a meal or just a drink. Wine costs about £7 a glass. srvinho.com

The ever-popular Oasis Hostel is on the doorstep of all the Bairro Alto action. It’s housed in a completely restored 100-year-old Portuguese mansion and has an easygoing, community vibe. Dorm rooms start from £10pn. oasislisboa.com

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Situated, as its name suggests, right near the river in Alfama, Sweet Lisbon River Guesthouse is a homely place to stay – they’ve even got board games available to while away the hours. Double rooms start at £20pn. sweetlisbonriver.com

The super-stylish Hotel Lisboa has chic wooden floors and colourful, trendy furnishings. The cocktails in the lobby bar, Mara, pack a punch, too. Definitely one to splash out on.

Rooms start at £77pn. hotellisboa.com.pt

Photos: Portugal Tourism, Getty, Thinkstock

SLEEP

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ADVERTORIAL

Four of the finest Must-try restaurants to satisfy even the most discerning diner Olivier is a famous chef and restaurateur in Lisbon, Portugal, who’s known in the city for his trendy and sophisticated concepts that are paired with excellent service for a great food experience.

Boasting four restaurants – Restaurante, Avenida, Yakuza and Guilty – Olivier presents an experience to satisfy any diner. Restaurante, located near Chiado, is an exquisite fine dining experience in an intimate atmosphere; its famous Menu Dégustation surprises guests with an elegant set of choices. Avenida embodies sophistication and a cosmopolitan look, presenting elegant and refined meals.

Yakuza is the perfect place to discover true sushi and to find Olivier’s Mediterranean flavours and scents, with exclusive gastronomic creations, while Guilty is the perfect spot for any time of the day – or night, when it is transformed into a nightclub. Serving up casual food with a twist, Guilty is contemporary and trendy. ❚ restaurante-olivier.com Olivier Restaurante (tel. +351 2 1342 2916) Olivier Avenida and Yakuza by Olivier (tel. +351 2 1317 4105) Guilty by Olivier (tel. +351 2 1191 3590)

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

A hidden side of Italy This is Bologna in 48 hours WORDS JADE BREMNER

DAY 1: 09:00 This medieval wonderland is little known by the travelling masses but renowned in Italy as a food and history Mecca. It goes by three monikers: ‘La Grassa’ meaning fat, a reference to all the top grub on offer, ‘La Dotta’ meaning learned, a nod to its famous university, and ‘La Rossa’ meaning red, inspired by the rouge roofs in the city’s historic centre. Begin unravelling the culture with a 3.5kmhike up to the Sanctuary of the Madonna di San Luca (sanlucabo.org). En route you’ll pass through a total of 666 arches connecting the Saragozza Gate with the Church of San Luca. At the peak visitors can get their breath back while they admire the baroque structure, parts of which date back to 1194. And the view over the city beneath from here is enough to take your breath away all over again.

12:00 Next make your way to the cultural epicentre of the city. The spectacular Piazza Maggiore Square is considered the heart of Bologna. Here you’ll find the fountain of Neptune, which dates back to the 16th century, accompanied by a rather racy water feature, the lactating woman. Do your best not to blush. Cafes line the square and, though prices are slightly inflated due to the touristy location, this is a great place to grab a bite to eat and soak up the atmosphere. Try the elegant Caffè Zanarini (Piazza Galvani 1, +39 (0)51 275 0041) for afternoon tea and croissants stuffed with Parma ham or freshly made brioche vuota (custard doughnuts).

13.00 Bologna is the ultimate university town. Western Europe’s first uni was built here, and opened in 1088. Soak up the city’s academic atmosphere at its library in the square.

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The Archiginnasio Public Library (archiginnasio.it) houses a wealth of historic manuscripts, antique photos, maps and chronicles. The interior is also something to gawp at, as the walls are adorned with the coats of arms of more than 7000 former students. Makes you wonder how your own university’s alumni matches up ...

15:00 Continue getting your cultural fix at the Gallery of Modern Art (galleriadartemoderna.bo.it, entry £5).

It’s easy to spend hours within these walls, viewing the 3500 modern works which trace the artistic path from WWII though to the present day. Many of the pieces here are from edgy, up-and-coming artists.

18:00 Make your way to Piazza Santo Stefano (abbaziasantostefano.it), the site of the seven churches, during the early evening. There are often concerts and cultural shows taking place outside and the restaurants offer a romantic setting between the spires. At the top of the street you’ll find fine dining restaurant Il Pappagallo (alpappagallo.it, approx. £20 per head). The walls are scattered with portraits of socialites who have enjoyed its gastronomic creations over the years. It’s also got a decent local wine list and serves a mean bolognese – which must be at least one of the reasons you came here, right?

DAY 2: 10:00 Start the day with a good shopping session, at the cute boutique-peppered area Via Oberdan. Pop into Calling Hoffmann (hoffmann.it) for cool kids’ toys in an artistic setting, or the alternative Smooth (Via Oberdan 17, +39 (0)51 236 028), where the bohemian hang out, and admire the collection of trendy street wear.

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Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

The lactating woman in central Bologna

12:00 A short and scenic route through the city’s charming lanes will lead you to the Archaeological Museum (comune.bologna.it). Filled with objects found by Italian explorers, the building includes Italy’s largest Egyptian collection. Cases hold preserved mummies and original sarcophagus stone burial tombs. Sculpture fans will be in their element; the ground floor has great copies of many classic Greek and Roman works.

14:00 Get some fresh air at Giardini Margherita (Viale Libero Lossanti), beautifully cultivated gardens originally designed in 1875. Watch fashionable Italians promenading around the lake. At lakeside cafe Chalet dei Giardini Margherita (chaletdeigiardinimargherita.it, dishes approx £6) you can grab a reasonably priced and tasty bowl of tagliatelle al ragu.

16:00 Still hungry? Head over to a brilliantly fun pastamaking class (lavecchiascuola.com) where they’ll teach you to make tortellini parcels, under the guidance of a pasta chef.

19:00 Wash it all down at the romantic Le Stanze (Via del Borgo di San Pietro, +39 (0)51 228 767) bar. In the 16th century, its incredible fresco-painted interiors were used as nobleman Palazzo Bentivoglio’s private chapel, and are sure to leave a lasting impression.

Find solace in the Giardini Margherita

Return tickets from London direct to Bologna cost from £98 with easyJet and £129 with British Airways. easyjet.com britishairways.com

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Success: cyclists make it to the top of the ‘Death Road’ trail

Minca

Minca

VENEZUELA

COLOMBIA Bogotá

COLOMBIA

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GETTING THERE Iberia flies to Cartagena via Madrid and Bogota from London Heathrow. Flights start from £770 return. iberia.com/gb Catch a ride from Cartagena to Santa Marta for £10 with Van Express (tel.

00 57 300 844 2213). Taxi from here to Minca for about £10.

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Taking the high road We tackle ‘Death Road’, the most dangerous place to cycle in Colombia’s Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta mountains WORDS JENNIFER CARR

WHEN TO GO: Dry season occurs from November to April, I’m on two wheels, whizzing through trails spill into sacred Indian ritual sites (and and rainy season from May to a cloud forest that’s fragrant with cow the odd ex-narco route), and need approval October. If you want to tube down dung. My nostrils are streaming and I’m granted before entering, meaning most the mountains’ plentiful gorges almost blinded by the glare of the sun historic attempts to navigate the mountains and rapids it’s best to go during the by bike have been both dangerous and reflecting off the dazzling Caribbean Sea wetter months, but wildlife lovers that lies beyond. My descent of Colombia’s against the area’s moral code. and those wanting guaranteed own ‘Death Road’ (which, like its namesake But there is one way to do Colombia’s access to the biking trails should in Bolivia, is so-called for its rough surfaces, high altitudes guilt-free. Elemento Outdoors, stick to the dry period. precarious vertical cliff drops and hazardous a small, conscientious adventure company, hairpin turns) would make European health headed up by UK-born thrill-seeker Tom CURRENCY: £1 = COP2877 and safety personnel shudder, especially Wilkinson, is working with locals to open up (Colombian peso). given the reckless abandon with which I’m the area – but only with their say-so. “Even ACCOMMODATION: flying down these mud-splattered tracks. But six years ago, this wasn’t something that Ecohabs Minca are cabanas built then I’m not in Europe – far from it. I’m in the in the style of Tairona choza (huts). would have been possible because of the Unesco-protected park of the Sierra Nevada threat of right-wing paramilitary or left-wing From £55pn for a four-bed cabin. de Santa Marta – the world’s largest coastal guerrillas,” Tom says. For five years, however, ecohabsantamarta.com mountain range, which sits some 5700m the area has enjoyed official safe status and SEE: colombiaexotic.com above sea level on the northeastern coastline locals in the laid-back basecamp town of of Colombia. It’s an unblemished playground that’s still far Minca are visibly revelling in their peaceful new way of life. from the standard ‘gringo trail’, and for those with “It’s been great for tourism and morale, as well as those a penchant for bike-based action, it’s a dream come true. who want to come and explore here,” Tom enthuses, clearly Inhabited by more than 30,000 tribal Indian communities, an avid fan of mountain life in Latin America. “The first including the spiritual Kogi and Tairona people, this 383,000time I came to Minca and began exploring the Sierras, I was hectare region (about the size of Rhode Island) is referred staggered by how rich and unspoilt the country’s geography to by locals as the cradle of the Earth – a unique geographic is. I’d argue that it’s one of the richest geographic and recipe of perfect snow-capped peaks, dense cloud forest, spiritual destinations in South America,” he says with alpine meadows, high tundra and, of course, the azure a whisper, as if to highlight his desire for the nation’s bestCaribbean Sea. It’s also a place of historic torment: invading kept secret to remain exactly that. “And because the ‘elder Spanish conquistadores penetrated the region in the 1500s brothers’ (the Tairona people) have such an influence on and claimed the Tairona people’s immeasurable geographical the volume of visitors coming into the mountains, your treasures as their own, and also established a successful experience will almost certainly be even richer.” coffee agriculture that remains Colombia’s finest variety.

I for one am happy to be free from hordes of fellow Now reclaimed by its rightful owners, the Unesco zone is gringos – something that’s increasingly rare on the aptly zealously protected by the indigenous Tairona, who play an nicknamed Gringo Trail in South America. To this point, active role in determining who comes into the park, how it’s Tom’s tours stretch to no more than six people at a time, and used and what kinds of sustainable experiences can be had. garner a good deal of praise for their considered blend of Some of the highest peaks in the Sierra Nevada haven’t been natural wildlife (the region is home to more endemic species scaled for more than 30 years, so if you fancy reconstructing of bird than anywhere else in the world), high altitude your own Into The Void adventure, you’d have to ask the waterfall swims, finca visits and plenty of challenging paths permission of a Tairona elder to get there (you’d also need that appeal to even the most seasoned pro. For me, the ›› balls of steel). Biking here is no less complicated – many tour that really stands out involves sleeping in an exTNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise from here: biking Minca’s rocky paths; a local coffee-grower; try a shower in a Los Pinos waterfall paramilitary base on the precarious and challenging Los Pinos ridge some 1450m up in the cloud forest.

We head up from Minca late afternoon in a 4WD and finish the last leg of the journey with a thigh-tingling 30-minute hike to the ridge, catching a glimpse of the last lingering streaks of sunset on our arrival. The winking lights of Santa Marta hold my gaze some 45km back down the mountain. We’re all feeling a little weary, but are swiftly revived by the first of many rum shots as a surprisingly chill Alpine breeze creeps around the mountain edge. I shiver for the first time since entering Colombia, a sensation both pleasing and strange after the humidity of Minca’s heavy jungle climate.

As part of the unique Los Pinos experience, we sit down to a delicious alfresco dinner of spicy chicken stew, rice and fresh guacamole – made from the creamy produce of trees growing only metres from our table. The host of this baseturned-hostel, a charismatic Colombian called Alejandro, joins us and lubricates both the meal and conversation with copious pours of honey rum and tales of his life on the mountain. His hosting skills are both effortless and enchanting, and, inspired by the Colombian ability to truly live in the moment, all my anxiety about the downward descent disappears.

We drift over to large, lumpy sofas that have been placed near a roaring fire. The warmth is a welcome counter to the fresh frost that has settled across the milky, moonlit landscape of valleys and bluffs. My eye is drawn away from the scene by a storm that flickers out at sea, its pale blue current brightening the sky in sharp shocks and prompting our host to propose a drinking game for each burst of electricity. More rum shots appear, this time served up in 82

a local maracuja (passion fruit) shell, muddled with the fruit’s tangy seeds and fragrant mountain honey. It’s hands down the best shot I’ve ever had, and in arguably the most memorable of surroundings. But our tales around the campfire are short-lived; all eyes in our party droop as the warmth of the fire and rum takes hold.

Next morning, I’m up at 5.30am and my reward is an exclusive view of the valley as a snaking morning mist curls around the mountain and early sunbeams hint of a glorious

The views over Sierra Nevada are spectacular

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day ahead. We breakfast on cinnamon porridge, local bananas and some of Alejandro’s addictive Minca-grown coffee. I’m wired and ready to saddle up.

Tom’s good nature and intuition for our group’s varying tolerance for thrills makes him the perfect guide, but you get the sense he’s game for going as far as possible without jeopardising our safety. The occasionally tricky roads are made significantly easier by our £2000 state-of-the-art bicycles, shipped over from Europe with Armadillo treads and super-light aluminium frames. We go through the basic safety procedures and a few warnings about canyons, then clip on our helmets and hit the trail. For 30 free-wheeling, fanciful minutes, we glide like greased lightning down, down, and lower still through jungle-fringed cloud forests where monkeys howl and hummingbirds skit through deliciously fragrant flora.

“

My need for speed gets the better of me

Speedy Gonzales: Tom Wilkinson

”

After an hour, we pass through a well-eroded river gorge and traverse muddy terrain that sends me sliding towards the edge of the canyon. Thankfully, I avoid my own ET-style leap into the abyss and slam on the brakes instead. It’s the closest I come to flying over the ridge, and I sheepishly receive a reminder from Tom to not let my need for speed get the better of me.

Minutes later we’re winding through bamboo thickets and arrive at one of the Sierra’s oldest working coffee fincas, dating back to the early 1900s. We disembark, stiff legs grateful for the stretch, and I salivate at the thought of a freshly roasted coffee. After a small tour, we’re greeted timidly by a handful of workers who continue the physically taxing job of collecting, drying and roasting the beans according to traditional techniques. We learn through an interpreter that the Colombians keep the lower quality, watered-down filter coffee to sell locally and ensure the tourists enjoy the A-grade beans. It explains why previous ››

The Insider’s guide Tom Wilkinson is the head tour guide at Elemento Outdoor Adventure. These are his top tips for exploring Minca and the Sierra Nevada range.

Swim at … Oscar’s Place, Minca “At only 600m up the mountain, Oscar’s Place is really something worth experiencing. The swimming pool was initially installed as a water supply, but is now both a decorative feature, as it reflects the sinking sun, and also practical, as it serves as a hydroelectric power battery. Each night at 6.30pm, just after dusk, the plug is pulled and so begins five hours of free electricity as the pool is refilled with fresh water for people to jump into in the morning.”

(Minca, tel. 00 57 313 534 4500) Stay at ... Casa Loma, Minca “Tucked away behind the town’s crumbling colonial church, the eclectic Casa Loma (meaning ‘House on the Hill’ in Spanish) gives guests a boutique experience at budget prices. As a seasoned traveller and longtime lover of Latin America, owner Jay’s passion for the details and dedication to keeping guests happy, well-fed and entertained means many often end up staying for weeks in this family-like atmosphere. The home-cooked spicy chorizo and plantain breakfast for champions isn’t to be missed either. It only costs £12 per person for a dorm bed or £8 for a hammock.” casalomaminca.blogspot.co.uk Volunteer with ... Elemento Outdoor Adventure “We work with several charities and can combine expeditions with volunteer work in either teaching, medicine or conservation. We are directly financially supporting the Mision Gaia Foundation, which is dedicated to biodiversity conservation, and are running a collaborative competition to find, employ and train two new mountain guides from the local schools.” misiongaia.org

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roadside-bought Colombian coffees haven’t hit the spot (and are usually loaded with sugar to compensate).

Reuniting ourselves with the path, we bomb it the rest of the way through the valley, with fallen, mashed avocados littering the track like a giant guacamole trail as ears pop and signal our descent back into the outskirts of Minca town. It’s only taken us two hours and 40 minutes to carve up the Sierra Nevada range on two wheels, but I feel like my appetite for the entire region is not even close to sated.

I hit boutique hillside hostel Casa Loma to lose myself in yet another startling sunset. It gilds the entire mountainside in a magical, rose blush, and I swear I can see the lookout of Los Pinos from my lazy horizontal vantage point in an alfresco hammock. Just when I think things couldn’t get any better, Elemento’s Tom pushes a large maracuja fruit laced with rum into my hands and declares, “I think you might have earned this today, chica.” ❚ Elemento Outdoor Adventure’s Los Pinos tour costs £100pp and includes 4WD transfer up to the ridge, overnight accommodation, dinner and breakfast, and all equipment. elementooutdoor.com

Don’t slip on your trek to Las Cascadas de Marinka

BEST OF THE REST SIERRA NEVADA ON FOOT Top to bottom: relaxing after a tough ride; choza (huts) in Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta National Park; Tairona tribespeople play traditional music

Photos: elementooutdoor.com, Jennifer Carr, Spencer Gordon, Getty, Axis Travel

CLIMB UP TO LAS CASCADAS DE MARINKA Start your day spotting tropical birds and butterflies galore at this pretty waterfall. You can spend time ambling under the 30-metre bamboo arches or ‘guadua’ as they’re known, and when you’re feeling sticky, cool off in the waterfall, which is probably the cleanest, most refreshing shower possible. This beautiful, gentle hike takes about an hour from Minca (ask for directions from your hostel).

VISIT POZO AZUL Take a picnic and combine it with a dip in these two gorgeous swimming holes. There’s even a rope swing installed here, so make like Tarzan and plunge into the cool water if you dare. Be warned, though: the water is unexpectedly chilly here.

LOS PINOS Still got some strength left? The day trek to Los Pinos and back is a tough uphill journey, but it is definitely worth it. The path takes you through cloud forest at the top and you’ll be rewarded with spectacular mountain views once you reach the pinnacle. The weather changes constantly here, but on a clear day you can see the snow peaks from Los Pinos. The total walking time is between five and eight hours, but you can cheat by hailing a motorbike as far as El Campano (it’ll cost you about £2.50) and taking the dirt road to the right, cutting your trek down to three hours.

NEXT WEEK Winter sports: getting your blood pumping this season Coffee brewed the local way

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RUGBY UNION WALLABIES & ALL BLACKS COME TO EUROPE THIS NOVEMBER ■ AUS v FRANCE Paris SAT 10 NOV fr£169 ■ AUS v ENGLAND Twickenham SAT 17 NOV £85 ■ AUS v ITALY Florence SAT 24 NOV £139 ■ AUS v WALES Cardiff SAT 1 DEC £139 ■ NZ v WALES Cardiff SAT 24 NOV £149 ✔ Match tickets ✔ Accom ✔ Transfers ✔ Merchandise

FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE GET BEHIND MARK SCHWARZER AND THE SW6 BOYS! ■ Fulham FC v Aston Villa SAT 20 OCT £38 ■ Fulham FC v Everton SAT 3 NOV ON SALE SOON ■ Fulham FC v Sunderland SUN 18 NOV ON SALE SOON ■ Fulham FC v Tottenham SAT 1 DEC ON SALE SOON

PADDY’S DAY CELEBRATE PADDY’S DAY IN DUBLIN! ■ 3 Nights Dublin 15-18 MAR £189 ✔ Three nights hostel ✔ Guinness tour ✔ Paddy’s Day Parade

HOGMANAY EDINBURGH’S MASSIVE NYE PARTY!

30 DEC-2 JAN £239/269 ■ 4 Day Coach/Hostel Tour 30 DEC-2 JAN £309 ■ 3 Night Hostel / Hotel

✔ Accom ideally located in the absolute heart of town ✔ Edinburgh street party pass ✔ Superb pubs, bars & clubs ✔ Funky tour t-shirt ✔ Experienced Fanatics tour reps

SANTA PUB CRAWL ANNUAL XMAS PUB CRAWL

SUN 9 DEC £29

✔ Private red double-decker party bus ✔ Discount drinks ✔ Multiple pub stops ✔ Santa suit & hat included ✔ Group Santa photos at London’s most famous sites

CROATIA EARLY BIRD SPECIAL ON OUR 2013 TOURS !

ANZAC DAY JOIN OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED ANZAC TOURS

GALLIPOLI TOURS ■ 3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199 ■ 4 Day Tour 23-26 APR £239 ■ 5 Day Tour 22-26 APR £279 ■ 8/9 Day Tours 18-26 APR or 22-29 APR £399 ■ 15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY £599 WESTERN FRONT TOUR WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services ■ Eurostar Tour 24-26 APR £299 ■ Make Own Way 24-26 APR £279 ✔ Somme ✔ Villers-Bretonneaux ✔ Ypres ✔ Fromelles

SUPERIOR CATEGORY BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! JUN-SEP fr£379 ■ 7 NIGHTS WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac

JUN fr£389 JUL fr£379 AUG fr£399 SEP fr£349

PAMPLONA EARLY BIRD SPECIAL ON OUR 2013 TOURS ! ■ Camping Pamplona or San Sebastian 4 Days 4-15 JUL £169 ■ Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL £359 ■ Ibiza + Pamplona Combo 5-11 JUL £399 ■ San Sebastian + Pamplona 3-8 or 5-10 JUL fr £249 ■ Coach Tours 6,7 or 8 Days Depart 3 or 4 JUL fr £289

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st 98

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm

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TRAVEL

10th

Annual

D THE ST AN E G G I B , THE GINAL I R O HE ST...T SKIFE

0m 18000m - 35 igh H de! u Altit

BEST!

2 1 0 2 S hristmas A c e it h w M X the ultimate NE W YE AR’S NYE higher than Kosciusko!

XMAS & NYE COMBO

NYE – COACH TOUR

■ SKIFEST XMAS + PARIS NYE

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

£649

@ Skifest Xmas Day

£489

(all-inclusive) 21 DEC-1 JAN ✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ 3 Nights Paris ✔ Coach London-Risoul-Paris-London

■ 9DAYTOUR 28 DEC-5 JAN (all-inclusive) ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ 6 days skiing

XMAS – COACH TOUR

NYE – FLIGHT TOUR

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

■ 7DAYTOUR 29 DEC-4 JAN ✔ 6 days skiing ✔ Book early!

£449

(all-inclusive) ■ 9DAYTOUR 21-29 DEC ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back SAT 29 DEC ✔ 6 days skiing

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

£589 (all-inclusive)

XMAS – MAKE YOUR OWN WAY ■ 8DAYTOUR

22-29 DEC

£369

✔ Self-drive or train/bus to Risoul

UNBEATABLE VALUE SUPERB GROUP ATMOSPHERE! !

TOP QUALITY SNOW

l! ies!

Ris rtou

t Pa esin SkNifYE

(all-inclusive)

NYE – MAKE YOUR OWN WAY ■ 8DAYTOUR 29 DEC-5 JAN ✔ Self-drive or train/bus to Risoul

XMAS – FLIGHT TOUR ■ 8DAYTOUR 22-29 DEC

£649 £409

SKIFEST PRICE INCLUDES ✔ Return transport from London ✔ Optional b’fast & dinner daily in resort £80 ✔ Ski lift pass ✔ Ski/Snowboard hire ✔ Skifest merchandise ✔ Legendary Skifest parties & theme nights ✔ Amazing Xmas & NYE celebrations

Unbeatable skiing

OUR SKI RESORT & ACCOM ✔ Self-contained apartments (sleeps 2-6) ✔ Balcony, kitchen, ensuite bathroom & WC ✔ High altitude resort 1,850m-2,750m ✔ Top quality snow & over 300km of piste ✔ Ski runs literally at our door step ✔ Funky resort bars, shops & restaurants

Our apartments

Know before you go..... ✔ All Fanatics tours stay in self contained apartments ✔ We DO NOT use complexes designed for schools and youth groups ✔ We only use high altitude resorts with outstanding snow records www.thefanatics.com

BOOK ONLINE NOW!

www.skifest.co.uk or call 0207 240 3223

COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon-Fri 9am-6pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EGYPT 8 DAY Ramses Adventure

15 DAY Pyramids & Beaches

7 DAY Jordan Adventure

WAS £345

WAS £450

WAS £620

NOW

NOW

NOW

& MIDDLE EAST

Dep. 2 Oct 2012

£385

Includes US$180 local payment

Dep. 6, 13 & 20 Oct 2012

£419

Includes US$190 local payment

Dep. 29 Sep 2012

£570

Includes US$200 local payment

UP TO

15% OFF

DON’T FORGET! Book now for Christmas & New Year’s departures!

Oktoberfest Camping 4 DAY

5 DAY Prostmeister

Make your own way 28 Sep - 1 Oct, 4 - 7 Oct

28 Sep-2 Oct, 4-8 Oct

FROM

FROM

£109 HURRY! L A ST CHANCE

£229

Includes return coach from London!

6 DAY Steinmeister

7 DAY Grossmeister

FROM

FROM

27 Sep-2 Oct, 3-8 Oct

£249

Includes return coach from London!

L8291 / Y2992

TNT_1517_Travel.indd 100

28 Sep-4 Oct, 3-9 Oct

£289

Includes return coach from London!

Why camp with Topdeck?

Our campsite atmosphere is second to none PLUS our Topdeck cooks will provide a fully cooked hot breakfast Stay in spacious, two person, pre-erected dome style tents Air mattresses are provided Stay at the closest campsite to the Oktoberfest grounds Services of Topdeck Crew Oktoberfest information booklet

CALL 0845 257 5210

* a E t fl

Open 8am-9pm

21/9/12 09:17:59

OFF

TRAVEL

EUROPE IN WINTER

10%

Though temperatures are dropping, the charm and romance of Europe just keeps rising through the winter months!

Put your feet up by crackling fires, stroll through winter markets, warm up with mulled wine and take in the iconic sights all for a fraction of the summer price.

9 DAY Hadrian’s Path

24 DAY Winter Spirit

Includes Rome, Venice, Salzburg , Brugge, plus more!

Includes Swiss Alps, Venice, Budapest, Prague, plus more!

Dep. 2 Nov 2012

WAS £825

WAS £1555

NOW

NOW

Dep. 1 & 15 Nov 2012

£740

£1425

Includes £260 food fund

14 DAY Winter Wonder

20 DAY Discover Winter

Includes Paris, Swiss Alps, Venice, Salzburg , plus more!

Includes Swiss Alps, Budapest, Prague, Berlin, plus more!

NOW

WAS £1330

£1195

Dep. 27 Nov 2012

WAS £1730 NOW

Dep. 14 & 28 Oct, 25 Nov 2012

£1555

SEE OUR FULL RANGE OF WINTER TRIPS ONLINE!

See our website for loads more deals!

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included.

Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.639, which must be paid locally in USD. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. See online for full terms and conditions.

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Get amongst it!

With the African specialists Absolute Africa 30 years overlanding in Africa

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS WEEKEND BREAKS PARIS BY EUROSTAR from £225

28th September & 12th, 26th October. Return Eurostar travel & transfers, 2 nights B&B hotel accom, guided city sightseeing tour, plenty of free time & Tour Manager.

HOLLAND & BELGIUM from £171

19th Oct, 16th Nov, 7th Dec. Return coach & ferry travel, visit to Amsterdam & Brugge, B&B + dinner & free bar hotel accom.

AMSTERDAM & BRUGGE from £170

A whole range of trips incl. game drives in the Masai Mara and the Serengeti, gorilla trekking, guided game walks, rhino trekking, evening game drives and so much more.

28th Sept. Return coach & ferry travel, sightseeing in Amsterdam & Brugge, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, visit to Cheese & Clog factory & Tour Manager.

DAY TRIPS

www.absoluteafrica.com Phone: 0208 742 0226 Email: absaf@absoluteafrica.com

¸ Sat 29th Sept Isle of Wight from £45 ¸ Sun 30th Sept Windsor & Hampton Court from £45 ¸ Sat 6th Oct Cambridge from £30 ¸ Sat 13th Oct A Day in Wales £50

PLUS Stonehenge & Bath EVERYDAY. From £50 with entrances to Stonehenge & the Roman Baths included!

Next Stop?

LUXURY MINI COACH TOURS No more than 15 passengers with your choice of pick up anywhere in zone 1! From just £55pp

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CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR TOURS Christmas Market Day Trips York by train - Sat 1st & 8th Dec £49 Brugge - Sat 1st & 8th Dec £49

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TRAVEL

Travelling to Europe on a Walkabout?

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OKTOBERFEST 2012 Europe’s biggest party has NOW STARTED!!!

YOU STILL HAVE TIME - join us in Munich on the huge 2nd and 3rd weekends.

MIDDLE WEEKEND: 5 day coach camp (Sept 27-Oct 1) and Accom only at camp - both available - from £99

CLOSING WEEKEND: 5 day coach camp (Oct 3 – Oct 8) and Accom only at camp - both available - from £99 We are the largest UK operator to Munich and cover the entire fest (22 Sept – 7 Oct)

Join the BEERFEST

EXPERTS at Munich’s famous

Thalkirchen camp – coach tours and last accommodation places filling fast.

Hurry – over 2500 PP seats already sold!

info@pptravel.com 020 7930 9999

pptravel.com

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CARE WORK & NURSING

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* as it should have been. We’re glad to have you back, and reckon Italy’s all the more quiet without you.

TUBE CHUMP: Managing to get so much food in one plastic bag was impressive. Or, rather, it would have been had you not then got half of it into your mouth in one go and half of it all over you, and the unlucky sleeping man in the seat next to you. In future, wait till you get home before gorging yourself stupid, please.

regards and so many drunken regrets from KT in Kentish Town PARK LIFE: You were eating your lunch near us in St James’s Park and I could hear that Aussie accent from the other side of the park. Saw you looking over – we were three girls and I was the blonde one. I thought you were going to come over, but we had to get back to work or our boss would have spanked us (not really, but if you ever fancy it…).

Get in touch, Minna

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#497 Grow her own record breaking onion, beating Brit farmer Peter Glazebrook

NAKED PARTY: To the bootyshakers of Camden, we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time, but next time let’s do it just for fun. See you back at the meat market soon. Janey Jazz CRIPPLE TIPPLE: To the kind people on the Central line Tube who’ve given up their seats to me as I hobble along on shaky legs with crutches: cheers, I owe you all a beer. Rita WALKIE WASTER: Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but you managed to leave your skid-marked underwear under my bed. Awkward

BIG BOY: I tripped over your feet outside The Railway Tavern in Clapham on Weds night. Too early in the week to start drinking? Well you were too! I have to say, your feet are very big. Can I take this as a sign of things to come? Jade EMILY: I want to congratulate you on the birth of your son – very happy for you and Jonathan. But it’s incredibly strange to name him after yourself, even, as you point out, just for his second name. Jason Emily isn’t really a great name for anyone – and his buddies WILL find out. Jenna

MILK SNATCHER: Dear flatmates, I don’t mind you borrowing my milk. I do mind you swigging from it. If I catch one more of you shoving the carton back in the fridge and wiping your mouth when you hear me coming, I’m gonna lose it! Dairy fan RAIN MAN: To the guy I sheltered from the rain with last week – I was only making conversation since we ended up in the same doorway!

Would have been politer (and less arrogant) not to announce you had a girlfriend during our 15-second conversation. Asshole. From Kay FOOT FETISH: People with foot fetishes should not work in shoe shops. I was trying on a pair of boots and the sales assistant honest-to-god felt up my foot. Is that assault? Linda in Ealing CRINKLED DRESS: I iron.

A lot. Everything, in fact. But I pass you every day, and instead of giving me an irritating OCD episode, your unironed dresses do it for me. What say you to a date with Mr Crisp?

Ben M HOT SCOT: So sorry I cancelled on our beer and burger date. I’d been looking forward to it so much, and I fully appreciate how annoying it is to have dropped out when it took us about a year to make it!

Say you’ll ask me out again, and I’ll tell you all about what my mean boss did to make me miss out. D x STD-FREE: Shazza, happy to hear your STD test worked out. If I were a betting woman, I’d have put 50 big ones on you being riddled with stuff! Just goes to show it’s better the ho you know.

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DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH: Scotty, you fucking legend, Edinburgh requires your presence.

When I tell my friends about you, all I have to tell them about is dodgy wristies from Maoris and Indian diamond heists! Come put a face to a name, and some new material would be great. See you on the flip, you child-snatching son of gun. Grant x EASY MATCH: To the Aussie boy on the Amsterdam stag weekend September 14: we sat next to each other on the easyJet flight on the way to Amsterdam and were on the same flight again on the way back to London. You said you were a teacher, living in Holloway and had been here for around seven years.

I was taken by your curly locks and the endearing way you slept with your mouth wide open. I should have asked for your number, but the prospect of approaching you while flanked by Gore boys post-stag-do was far too daunting. Let me know if you fancy a drink some time.

Blonde Kiwi BIG DAY: To my beautiful future wife CMP: I can’t wait to marry you. FCD MEGA HEAD: Cocktails are not the making of a stylish man. Especially not when these ‘cocktails’ are conjured by topping up half a glass of chocolate Nesquik with dark rum. If you’re going for the cultured look you need to try harder – much, much harder. Ant BOZZA: Welcome back from your Euro-trip, the Balham gals hope it was as debauched and party-filled

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