TNT Magazine / Issue 1522

October 29-November 4 2012 Issue 1522 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

TICKETS TO WEST END SHOW DREAMBOATS & PETTICOATS

JEWELS OF AUSTRALIA Catching up with the cast of The Sapphires

BOYS VS GIRLS HOLS The best breaks for a blowout with mates

LONDON’S BURNING Guerrilla fire shows take the city’s streets

A C I R F A E M E EXTR Namibia l, a r t n e c e r in adventu s d o o fl h s a g and fl Sandboardin + ULURU BAN: YOUR VIEW CAPE TOWN WORKING IN HORROR LATE DEALS TNT 1522 Cover.indd 1

25/10/12 11:58:00

EUROPE IN WINTER EuroClub

Dep. 15 Dec 2012

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Includes Paris, Rome, Salzburg, Prague, plus more!

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£1040

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24 DAY Winter Spirit

£1095

EuroClub

Dep. 16, 18. 20 & 27 Dec 2012

Includes Paris, Venice, SalzburgBrugge, plus more!

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Includes £260 food fund

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New Year Europe Es

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNT_1522_00.indd 2

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Bonfire Night might not be a big deal Down Under, but there’s no escaping the fireworks this weekend if you live in London. Not a fan of big bangs? Meet the Aussie taking to the city streets this week to light up our lives in a far more thrilling way (P8). Or, if you do want to gather at a bonfire, check out the biggest and best displays across town (P10). We also look at the latest controversy around Uluru (P48) – write and let us know what you think.

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

MY LONDON DRINK & EATS

12 14-15

@TNT

16

SPOTTED

19

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

CHATROOM BRENDON BURNS LONDON SCENE

26-27

LONDON FOCUS

28-30

COMPETITION

431

74

32

FEATURES

LIFESTYLE

33-43

FIRESTARTER

SHOPPING

33

SPARE TIME

Photos: Getty, Hazel Miller, alter-action.info

25

8

Meet the Aussie firebrand set to light up London’s streets around Bonfire Night

HEALTH & BEAUTY

34-35

CAREERS

36-37

AUSSIE GEMS

LIVING

42-43

TNT speaks to Jessica Mauboy from the feelgood flick of the year, The Sapphires

NEWS & SPORT

44-54

TRAVEL

57-78

DIARY

58

NEWS

59

LATE DEALS

62

HOTSHOTS

63

TOP FIVE

64-65

TIPS

66

STUFF

67

FIGHT FOR THE ROCK

TREASURE HUNT

BEAT THE CLICHÉ

68

Blokey and girly getaways that are way better than the same old, same old

CLASSIFIEDS

Carve red sand dunes, visit tribes and dodge flash floods in Namibia

106

60

Discover the “raw power of the past” in Northumberland, England’s final frontier

AFRICAN ADVENTURE

DESPERATELY SEEKING

48

Uluru’s traditional owners renew their call for walking up the icon to be banned

48 HOURS IN... CAPE TOWN 72-73 79-105

8

28

74

28 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Features writer Jade Bremner

LONDONDIARY

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad

SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Eddie Clinton Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com

Ballroom goes techno

Shhh... SECRET LONDON NEO WALTZ CHAT’S PALACE

Rave legend Adamski is the genius behind this new club night which fuses the latest sounds with the waltz. Yes, you read that right. “The waltz was not initially a formal dance with strict ballroom steps,” says the man behind monster Nineties hit Killer, with Seal.

“It usually involved grabbing the nearest desirable human being and whisking them around with reckless abandon.” So a sexed-up dance from the 18th century is brought into the present with an electronic-punk twist. There’s waltz lessons at 6.30pm, too, and DJs from 8pm. £10

WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004

Nov 3. From 6.30pm-late 42-44 Brooksby’s Walk, E9 6DF

Homerton

chatspalace.co.uk

4TH CHINA IMAGE FILM FESTIVAL

WAR STORY

DAY OF THE DEAD FESTIVAL

Chinese film is bigger, bolder and more ambitious, combining its unique voice with increasing international appeal – just look at this year’s US$94m war epic The Flowers Of War for proof.

This festival celebrates Chinese cinema, with a UK premiere of the Venice Film Fest-award winning People Mountain People Sea, too.

The Imperial War Museum has kept people’s accounts of battle since World War One. This exhibition, War Story: Serving In Afghanistan, brings together photos taken by and of soldiers currently serving there.

It’s a stark reminder of the danger, camaraderie and confusion inherent in active combat.

This four-day Mexican festival celebrating friends and family who have died has Rodrigo y Gabriela playing each night, a photography exhibition by Mexican artist Graciela Iturbide and visual installations by the Londonbased Le Gun collective. The Old Vic Tunnels will be transformed with stalls offering top street food.

Until Nov 4. Various times Odeon, WC2H 7LP Leicester Square china-image.org

Until Dec 18. 10am-6pm Lambeth Road, SE1 6HZ Lambeth North iwm.org.uk

Oct 31-Nov 3. 7pm The Old Vic Tunnels, SE1 8SW Waterloo oldvictunnels.com

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

£40+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Thomas Pink’s been announced as the new outfitter for the British and Irish Lions tour Down Under next year, hence this three-day pop-up turning The Golden Lion into The Pink Lion. Rugby-themed nights include a ‘Question of Sport’ pub quiz, screenings of historic matches and a Pink Lion lock-in, in which former Lions stars will share behind-the-scenes tales of the past. There’s also pink pints and a pink menu from former England captain and Celeb Masterchef winner Phil Vickery.

FREE

Oct 31-Nov 2. 6pm-11pm 25 King Street, SW1Y 6QY

Green Park

pinkunbuttoned.com

MICHAEL COOK: BROKEN DREAMS

SUPPERCLUB PRESENTS

Aboriginal artist Michael Cook’s first UK exhibition features 10 photographic prints that use the manipulation of colour and scale to illustrate an indigenous Australian woman’s encounters with Europeans and colonialism.

It will be accompanied by individual works from four of his previous series.

Hardeep Singh Kohli is the third celebrity chef guest to take up residency at this Supperclub Presents... evening, and he’ll be preparing his own spicy four-course Indian meal.

The Supperclub will also enjoy a Bollywood theme for the evening, with Bhangra dancing to set the mood.

Nov 1-Dec 1. Tues-Sat, 12.30pm-5.30pm October Gallery, WC1N 3AL Holborn octobergallery.co.uk

Nov 2. 7.30pm-2.30pm 12 Acklam Road, W10 5QZ Westbourne Park supperclub.com

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Lee Valley White Water Centre Station Road, Waltham Cross EN9 1AB

gowhitewater.co.uk 08456 770 606 *Terms and conditions apply.

1522 FINAL London Diary.indd 5

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LONDONNEWS

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TUSSAUDS MELTS SAVILE WAXWORK As the sex abuse scandal involving Jimmy Savile continues to run, Madame Tussauds has destroyed the late TV presenter’s waxwork.

The London attraction destroyed the figure of Savile, which was created in 1986 at the height of his fame.

Scotland Yard has confirmed the number of Savile’s victims has risen to 300. It is thought the former DJ, who died last year aged 84, was a prolific offender, abusing children over a 40-year period.

Statues still on display at Madame Tussauds include Adolf Hitler, Michael Jackson and Muammar Gaddafi.

I’ve had a look on eBay in case it ends up on there Olympic hockey star Hannah Macleod hopes to catch the crook who stole her bronze medal after a reception at Buckingham Palace

WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU? London’s tourism board is cashing in on the Olympic success with a huge advertising campaign in Australia.

London & Partners hopes to attract 10 per cent more leisure tourists from Down Under by 2015 – an extra 40,000.

“There’s definitely a legacy to be had from the Games, but it has to be won.

It’s not just given,” CEO Gordon Innes said.

L&P’s aiming to boost visitors to the capital by 1.1m, from 16.5m, in two years.

ON THE TUBE

‘My, one should be so lucky’: Kylie farewells Charles and Camilla

Aussie send-off for royals Kylie Minogue’s surprise performance for Prince Charles Prince Charles and Camilla were given a VIP Aussie send-off ahead of their two-week tour Down Under. Kylie Minogue did a surprise performance at the event last week, as 150 guests gathered at St James’s Palace.

Rolf Harris, Barry Humphries, author Kathy Lette and former AFL player Tony Woods were all on hand to offer advice to the royal couple, while Minogue, 44, belted out three songs.

Accompanied by an acoustic guitar, piano and two back-up singers, the pop star performed her hits On A Night Like This, I Believe In You and Locomotion.

“Your Royal Highnesses, it’s a great pleasure to be here ... the big question

is, are you ready to swing your hips?”

Minogue said. “This is a song to bid you bon voyage. Move if you feel the desire.”

Charles and Camilla will begin a twoweek tour of Papua New Guinea, Australia and New Zealand on November 3 in honour of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

The singer, who’s lived in London for about 20 years, said: “I was glad to see the list of the places they’re visiting, they’re really giving it a good old shot, and they’re going to love the whole place.”

Larrikin Lette also offered some tonguein-cheek travel tips for the couple. “I’ve bought Charles a pair of budgie smugglers ... and am sending them off with some Vegemite and tea tree oil.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

S’more’s better

THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES

CENTRAL: No service between Leytonstone and Woodford via Hainault.

Rail replacement buses will run.

DISTRICT: No service between Putney Bridge and Wimbledon, with reduced service between Earls Court and Putney Bridge. Replacement buses will run.

NORTHERN: No service between Edgware, East Finchley and Kennington via Bank branch / Charing Cross. Rail replacement buses will run.

6

Photo: Getty, Thinkstock

JUBILEE: No service between Stanmore and West Hampstead. Rail replacement buses will run.

If it’s good enough for the American president, it’s good enough for us Londoners. Barack Obama’s favourite treats are heading to the capital. S’more – toasted marshmallow and chocolate sandwiched between two biscuits – will go on sale this week.

East London’s Queen of Hoxton will offer the calorific dessert as part of its winter rooftop season, where you’ll be able to toast your own in the fire pit. And Masterchef winner Tim Anderson will be cooking them as part of his campfirethemed pop-up night at The Thatched House in Hammersmith.

Michelle Husserl, owner of MyChelle’s Baketique in Battersea, will be selling them in Harvey Nichols from Nov 1.

“No one here knows what they are,” she said. They will now!

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TNT_1522_Edit.indd 7

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Flamin’ hell: Mandy Clark’s a red hot performer

Playing with fire

Photos: Hazel Miller

Forget Bonfire Night – a daredevil Aussie is on a guerilla-style mission to light up the streets with her blazing orbs WORDS JADE BREMNER While most Londoners will be craning their necks to watch fire decorating the sky at various Bonfire Night celebrations this week, a lucky few will find themselves treated to a scorching encounter face-to-face on the city’s streets – whether they like it or not.

The figure flaming from the shadows will be an Aussie ‘firebrand’ hell bent on sharing her blazing craft with as many (unsuspecting) people as she can reach, a guerrilla fire performer who’ll light up the lives of passersby before disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving only the smell of paraffin in her wake.

If this sounds a bit frightening, fear not: Mandy Clark, originally from Cairns, Queensland, is out to entertain.

The dance and drama graduateturned-firestarter describes her work as “subversive fire performances in various random, unexpected urban settings to entertain and inspire”. In short, she’ll be pounding the pavements and painting shapes with flames to surprise you – in a nice way.

That said, there’s an element of danger to Clark’s artform – her guerrilla performances are illegal in some parts of the city (ie, those which require a 8

licence for such shows and/ or need to approve health and safety). But Clark is willing to take the risk for her form of expression. “I’ve had encounters with the police,” Clark tells TNT. “I’ve started performing with photographers or a film crew so it looks more legit.”

Clark has been playing with fire in different forms for about 12 years to become a master of fire poi (two lengths of rope with fire balls at the end of them, which are swirled around furiously to create shapes and patterns in the night sky). Playing with the flames has become an addiction: “The rush from spinning fire is immense,” she enthuses. “I crave the sound inside the flames, the heat and the smell of the paraffin. All my senses are heightened and reacting during a performance.”

She does, however, recall finding out the hard way how risky her trade can be. “Once, I lost concentration and managed to wrap a fire snake (a long length of burning rope) around my wrist,” she remembers. “Stupidly, I braved the burns and carried on. By the time I got home my arm looked like the Elephant Man’s. Then it got infected. It was really, really bad.”

She goes on to explain the risks are even greater for inexperienced fire poi performers. “One of the most serious errors is having excess paraffin on the poi before you light it,” Clark says.

“When they start swirling, burning paraffin can spin off onto people, set them alight and even blind them.”

But Clark insists she is a “Nazi about safety” and, for her, the risks are outweighed by the reward – an audience’s reaction. “The public stand in delight and awe,” she says. Tube commuters are similarly stunned when they encounter Clark after one of her shows: “They look at me like I’m a suicide bomber – I stink of paraffin, and look high as a kite from the performance,” she laughs.

Clark will release details of her guerrilla shows around the city this week on Facebook. One thing’s for sure – they’ll make a fiery alternative to the usual Bonfire Night displays.

MORE FIRED-UP LONDON ›› Search for ‘Perfect Circle Poi Attack @ London’ on facebook.com Want to learn fire poi with Perfect Circle? See P10

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LEARN FIRE POI CAMDEN Learn the incredible art of dancing with flaming ropes in a six-week poi course. Perfect Circle Poi runs both beginner and advanced poi spinning courses, plus fire dancing performance and choreography courses.

When you get really good you’ll be able to mesmerise your mates with your newfound skills – safely, of course.

POP-UP COCKTAILS AND BONFIRE ROTHERHITHE

£85

Next course: Nov 15, 7.30pm9.30pm; one-to-one lessons available by appointment Maiden Lane Community Centre, NW1 9XZ Camden Road perfectcirclepoi.co.uk

The Midnight Apothecary is throwing an unusual bonfire-themed cocktail party in a rooftop garden above the Thames Tunnel, with cocktails created from the garden’s fresh fruit and herbs. Previous concoctions include whisky mint juleps, blackberry martinis, maple martinis or gin and lavender.

Those who dare can walk through the tunnel for £5.

FREE

THE FIRE SCHOOL LONDON £125 Breathe fire with this bunch of London daredevils.

They’re running group courses on manipulating flames and other circus-style escapades, such as breathing fire, advanced fire tricks and fire poi. Classes also include how to use fire fans and other props. It’s extremely risky, but completely exhilarating. Fire safety is also taught.

Nov 3, 5pm Brunel Museum, Railway Avenue, SE16 4LF Rotherhithe brunel-museum.org.uk

Next course: Nov 14, 7pm; one-to-one classes by appointment Location TBC Various thefireschool.co.uk

BATTERSEA PARK FIREWORKS BATTERSEA

CRYSTAL PALACE PARK FIREWORKS CRYSTAL PALACE

Whoop and cheer as dozens of huge fireworks light up above the Thames. Behind the show is Pains Fireworks, who have given pyrotechnic flair to Disney Symphony Orchestra concerts and Rod Stewart tours. Word of warning: book in advance and don’t be late, there’s a strict noentry after 8pm policy.

Get two displays for the price of one at this event – one takes place during the early evening and the other main display, set to music, will take place a couple of hours later.

Nov 3, gates 6pm, show 8pm Albert Bridge Road, SW11 4NJ Battersea wandsworth.gov.uk

DANSON PARK FIREWORKS BEXLEYHEATH

£6.50

BARKING PARK FIREWORKS BARKING You’ll not just witness amazing fireworks at this day and evening event, there will also be performances on stage, a funfair and food stalls in the park to keep all ages occupied. Just be careful not to eat a hot dog before you have a go on the bumper cars or the waltzer – believe us, it doesn’t end well.

Nov 4, gates 4pm Longbridge Road, Barking, IG11 8TA Barking barking-dagenham.gov.uk

£5

10

£5

Nov 5, gates 6pm; shows 7pm & 8.30pm Crystal Palace Park, SE20 8DT Crystal Palace crystalpalacefireworks.co.uk

KINGSTON UPON THAMES FIREWORKS KINGSTON

Get blinded by the lights at this show, which tends to be less crowded than some of the more mainstream displays.

Grab candy floss, doughnuts and hot dogs and catch some live music from 6pm, and then huddle up in the cold with hundreds of other people all craning their necks up in awe of the gunpowder creations above.

It’s one of the most spectacular displays in outer London. Profits from the Kingston fireworks display at the Kingsmeadow Athletics and Fitness Centre Stadium will be donated to local charities, so you can feel an extra warm glow inside during the show.

Which is handy if it’s cold.

Nov 2, gates 4pm; show 8pm Streatham Common Streatham streathamaction.org.uk

Nov 3, gates 6pm; display 8pm Danson Park, Bexleyheath, Bexleyheath DA6 8HLT dansonparkfireworks.co.uk

Nov 2, gates 6.30pm; last entry 7.45pm Norbiton KT1 3PB kingstonfireworks.co.uk

FIREWORKS DISPLAY STREATHAM COMMON FREE

£4

£5

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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JUBILEE FIREWORK MEGASHOW EALING

GUY FAWKES NIGHT NEWHAM This is not only a great British celebration of Guy Fawkes Night but a community cultural event. Expect incredible smells wafting from a variety of ethnic food stalls selling everything from jerk chicken to falafel and spicy samosas. Enjoy the Olympic legacy theme and also a laser show that will be seen from miles away.

FREE

Bars, barbecues and fairground rides will be in abundance at the annual Ealing Cricket Club event. Plus, they’re holding a ‘Make a Guy’ comp. The best Guy Fawkes effigy will get to top the giant bonfire and its creators will win a £20 prize to put in their beer kitty. Submit entries to the club by Nov 1 for judging. £6

Nov 3, gates 6pm Ealing Cricket Club, Corfton Rd, W5 2HS Ealing Broadway ealingcc.co.uk

THE CANDLELIGHT CLUB ALL OVER LONDON This secret pop-up bar is lit entirely by candles – it’s as close to a 1920s Prohibition-era speakeasy you’re ever likely to get, with sparkling flapper dresses, retro hairdos and wild bopping to a live jazz band and vintage DJing. They often have special guests, such as vintage-style photographers or tarot card readers, and every party’s cocktail menu is a one-off for that evening. £15.75

Nov 4, gates 5.45pm, display 6.45pm Wanstead Flats, Capel Road, E11 OJD Wanstead Park newham.gov.uk

Nov 16 & 17, 7pm Location revealed to ticket holders before the event thecandlelightclub.com

BROCKWELL PARK BRIXTON

BIG SIX FINALE WALTHAMSTOW

The annual display turns Brockwell Park into a social hub for this diverse community with an array of music, attractions and stalls from 4pm and just like last year, tonnes of brightly coloured lanterns.

The finale in a series of public events to say thanks to residents for putting up with Olympics disruption – or celebrate it – throughout the year includes a free fair and fireworks display (they usually charge) as a final hurrah. Expect music, entertainment and refreshments.

FREE

RICHMOND ATHLETIC GROUND FIREWORKS RICHMOND The fireworks at this event from Richmond Council and the London Scottish Football Club are sure to rock you – it’s been choreographed to “the best Queen tracks ever made” and put together by the team from Phoenix Fireworks, who have previously won titles such as British Fireworks Champions and the Pyromusical Championships. With cover available under the grandstand in case it rains, you’ll also be able to hook into a tasty hog roast and some mulled wine.

This display will involve 10,000 fireworks and half a tonne of gunpowder – a cracking effort for the event’s hosts, the local Scouts, who celebrate their 38th year with this major fundraiser.

Nov 6, gates 4.30pm; display 7pm Kew Foot Road, Richmond, TW9 2SS Richmond visitrichmond.co.uk

Nov 3, gates 6pm; display 7.30pm Enfield Town Park, Cecil Road, Enfield Town EN2 6TJ enfieldfireworks.com

Photos: Getty

£8

Nov 5, gates 4pm; display 8pm Brockwell Park, Norwood Road, SE24 0NG Brixton lambeth.gov.uk

ENFIELD TOWN FIREWORKS ENFIELD £6

FREE

THAMES BONFIRE NIGHT CRUISE FROM EMBANKMENT

A bonfire, minifireworks display, jazz music and a feast of food and drink.

See London be illuminated from aboard a dinner cruise along the Thames. Sail past the Houses of Parliament, where the gunpowder plot went down, and other iconic landmarks including St Paul’s Cathedral, The London Eye and Tower Bridge. Then catch the massive Battersea Park fireworks display from the best seat in the capital.

The barbecue on the boat includes a range of burgers, tasty sausages, salad and a veggie curry. More importantly, there’s also a fully licensed bar to enjoy.

Nov 3, 5.30pm Barnes Sports Club, SW13 9QL Barnes Bridge barnessportsclub.org

Nov 3, 6.30pm-9.30pm Embankment Pier, WC2N 6NU Embankment thamesdinnercruise.co.uk

Nov 5, 5pm-10pm Chestnuts Field, Waltham Forest Town Hall Complex, Forest Rd, E17 4JF Walthamstow walthamforest.gov.uk

BARNES BONFIRE NIGHT BARNES £10

£45

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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MYLONDON

K E E P MISSING YOUR

TNT?

JOHN TREMAYNE HEAD CHEF – THE WHITE SWAN What baffles me about London is the number of options for late-night dining. As a chef, it baffles and excites me in equal measure. Good, bad or ugly, there’s never a time or place where you’re more than 10 minutes away from something to eat – it’s the most accessible place in the world.

London’s best-kept secret is the view from Waterloo Bridge at night.

Well, it might not be the best-kept secret, but when the lights from the National Theatre illuminate the sky, it’s the best view of London.

When I want to chill out I walk my dog, Winston, in Greenwich Park then go for a coffee at [French bakery and cafe] Boulangerie Jade in Blackheath.

The most interesting person I’ve met is either Geddy Lee, who’s the guitarist for Canadian rock band Rush, in Covent Garden, or the first chef I ever cooked for, Michel Roux Jnr. My favourite place for a drink is Seven Park Place at the St James’s Hotel next to Green Park. They mix a mean cocktail.

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a warm salt beef bagel from Beigel Bake on Brick Lane.

What gets me up in the morning is my alarm clock, and thinking of lunch service at The White Swan.

My perfect weekend is any uninterrupted weekend I can spend with my wife. It would preferably include dinner at Magdalen in London Bridge, whose potted crab is a simple but delicious indulgence.

The last naughty thing I did was stay out too late recently on a Friday, on a boys’ night out with some chef friends – far too much whiskey was consumed!

The biggest faux-pas I’ve made is pressing the open/close buttons on the Tube. It is a classic London tourist mistake, but one I always made when I first came here from Tasmania.

Five words that sum up London ... The only place to live. thewhiteswanlondon.com 12

108 Fetter Lane, EC4A 1ES

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LONDONDRINKS

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PUB

This unassuming pub is a right little local gem and deservedly so.

A spacious establishment on first entering, it has small tables for couples, larger tables for groups and long, wide tables for a proper party, alongside its quirky, haphazard decor and charm. Step out the back and there is a large covered decking area comprising tables and outdoor screens for sports fans, pool tables and cute little huts in the corners of the garden that look like they have been flown in from a tropical beach somewhere in the southern hemisphere.

THE GRUB Traditional pub grub that is hearty, warming and filling, yet not harsh on the wallet, such as tomato and mixed bean soup with bread for starters, duck confit or sausages and mash for mains and desserts such as sticky toffee pudding, along with burgers, pizzas and a brunch menu, too. The Railway also, as we sampled, does a mean Sunday roast, though its popularity means you best not sleep in too long on a Sunday – get there early or you’ll be missing out.

THE SCENE

Stella Artois, Kronenbourg, Foster’s and Leffe Blonde on draught, with cask ales on rotation. Affordable wine list. Cocktails by the jug.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £4.25; mains from £9.95; desserts all £4.45. Wine from £3.75/ £14 per glass/ bottle; beers from £3.75; cocktail jugs £14.90.

VERDICT A homely, lively and fun pub that deserves to be everyone’s local. AM BEHIND THE BAR

7 Station Rise, SE27 9BW

therailwaytulsehill.co.uk

WEEKEND BRUNCH

14

MISHKIN’S

KOPAPA

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

This “kind-of Jewish deli with cocktails” in Covent Garden is the perfect spot to hole up on a wintry afternoon.

The New York-style menu (meatloaf; pastrami sarnies) is complemented by US-style service. Mains from £6.

A Kiwi-type cafe in Seven Dials (‘kopapa’ is Maori for ‘gathering’), its weekend brunch has been extended to 9.30am-4pm. Try the ricotta fritters with avocado, roast grape salad and pistachio caramel sauce for £8.90.

There’s really no excuse for missing out on this London institution, serving Yankstyle brunch (think fry-ups served with pancakes and bacon and banana French toast) to an Eighties soundtrack. From about £8.

mishkins.co.uk

kopapa.co.uk

thebreakfastclubcafes.com

Photos: Paul Winch-Furness, mishkins.co.uk, thebreakfastclubcafes.com

3 OF THE BEST

Tulse Hill

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BITE SIZE

Taste some of Spain’s finest in this understated dining room

MEXICAN MASQUE There’s free tequila on offer at Covent Garden’s Cantina Laredo this week, in honour of the Mexican Day Of The Dead Festival on November 1-2. Turn up wearing a mask on these dates and a free shot of Herradura Tequila Silver is yours. What’s a little public humiliation when there’s hard liquor up for grabs, eh? The restaurant has also created a special Black Death Margarita to mark the cheery occasion.

The blend of blackberries, homemade hibiscus syrup, el Jimador Blanco Tequila and freshly squeezed lime juice will set you back a not-too-shoddy £4.75. Cheers! cantinalaredo.co.uk

THE FAT OF THE LAND MEDITERRANEAN

Catering to the area’s well-heeled residents – think plastic surgeons and lawyer-types – the pubs in Marylebone are impressive, and The Fat Of The Land is no exception. There’s not a soggy beer mat or a fruit machine in sight in this pubcum-Mediterranean restaurant, where cured meat hangs from hooks on the ceiling and peanuts are traded for olives. The main dining area is on the first floor, away from the higgledy-piggledy slabs of carnivore heaven and dangling garlic, which is a shame since they create such a genuine atmosphere. Instead, the upstairs offers a homely, minimalist tone, with exposed brick walls and chunky wooden tables – each with a personal lamp for mood lighting.

THE GRUB The menu has an impressive range of tapas, with some hearty mains and, unsurprisingly given the decor, a particularly mouth-watering selection of cold cuts. We start, as all good meat-eaters would, with some tangy chorizo. It comes on a complimentary bed of tomato dressing and bread. Next up, an artichoke served whole, then a plate of green beans, sautéed onions and crispy Serrano ham, the lightest dishes in our selection. The others – ham croquetas, slow-cooked pancetta, and a cheese dish (including tetilla, manchego and pan-fried endive filled with homemade membrillo), are all fried in part, and oily. This seems to be a personal ordering error rather than indicative of the whole menu, which also features seafood and grilled rump steak. Any disappointment is forgotten when a fistful of thick chocolate-covered handmade truffles arrives to finish. Bliss.

THE SCENE

GRUB AND GRAPES ‘A night of wine’ sounds like a rather splendid idea to us, but this won’t be a raucous piss-up; it seems a touch of class is being brought to Stratford for the occasion on November 1.

Alongside a very reasonably priced multi-course menu with wine pairings for £40pp, Busaba Eathai restaurant welcomes wine consultant Annette Scarfe for the evening, who’ll be discussing up-and-coming grapes and how to pair them with cuisine. You even get a free wine tasting notebook. busaba.com

SEE, BE SEEN Get your glad rags ironed – famed Paris institution Buddha-Bar is coming to London this week, setting up camp in Knightsbridge and serving its signature Pan-Asian fusion cuisine with what it calls “avant-garde” cocktails. The city’s most decadent new nightspot officially opens November 1.

Spanish beer Mahou on draught. Choose from five sherries by the glass and digestives such as Spanish liqueur Anis del Mono. Wine options are fair and there are some quality dessert accompaniments, including Rivesaltes Ambre.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £2.50; tapas from £4.50; mains from £8.50; desserts from £3.50; wine from £15 a bottle; spirits from £2.60.

VERDICT Great value for the location, but avoid the heavily fried tapas. JADE BREMNER BEHIND THE BAR

buddhabarlondon.com 35 New Cavendish Street, W1G 9TR

thefatoftheland.co.uk

Bond Street

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Re: Aussie protester Trenton Oldfield jailed for stopping toffs’ boat race (TNT 1521): He was attention seeking and trying to sabotage a national event. He won’t stay in jail six months, as we all know. You have to make sure things like this are nipped in the bud – otherwise anyone can protest ‘peacefully’ and get away with it. The boat race crews train for months for this – what right did this guy have to spoil their moment?

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Re: Sport Opinion (TNT 1520): I agree there’s too much diving and cheating in football. There should be a FIFA panel to look over games and penalise players who dive and foul so much.

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Re: Aboriginals demand ban on tourists climbing Uluru (tntmagazine.com): But will the traditional owners still keep climbing Uluru? I support a ban on climbing it, but as long as it applies to everyone equally.

It’s no good banning tourists, some who dream their whole lives of seeing Uluru, but still permitting others to carry on climbing.

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BOYLE NOT RACIST Re: Frankie Boyle wins £54k over Mirror ‘racist’ claim (tntmagazine.com): You know what you’re getting when you watch him. He can be near the knuckle but he isn’t a racist. Well done to him for donating the damages to charity.

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MONEY TALKS? Is this a 100 per cent ban or would it be relaxed if money was involved? This sounds like something I’d read in NZ papers. I haven’t done it, but was very keen to do so. I didn’t even know its name was changed – but then again, I’m not Aussie!

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Cllr Keith Martin: Re: Aussie protester Trenton Oldfield jailed: Yes it’s fair. If we let every nut interrupt every public event, the public suffer. Peaceful protest means respecting others.

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Great comic and another sleezepaper getting what they deserve! Nice work Frankie Boyle!

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Vitalic didn’t quite get the hang of how ventriloquism was supposed to work ...

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD With the two jailed members of Pussy Riot sent to two of the harshest prison camps in Russia last week to complete their two-year jail terms, now is not the time for the movement for justice to bow its head in defeat. Yekaterina Samutsevich, one of the three found guilty of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred, was released earlier this month as she was not part of the actual protest-performance. Observers believe this was intended to cause a divide in the band’s and supporters’ camp. It would be too easy for global support for Pussy Riot to wane – out of sight, out of mind. But the quest to see this patriarchal, offensive and crudely corrupt ‘conviction’ overturned continues with Samutsevich herself vowing to keep up her struggle against President Putin, but to be more “careful and clever” to avoid arrest. We should be following her lead and doing exactly the same until all three are free.

VITALIC: LIVE Neon Noise Project @ Fire, South Lambeth Road, SW8 1RT NOV 3 | DOORS AT 11PM | £14

Vitalic stepped out from under the dance producer banner to emerge as an artist in his own right a few years back now. With the forthcoming Rave Age LP, he‘s set to take his signature electro-techno sound to the next level, and it’s in support of the record that he plays this relatively small-scale south London show.

Debut LP OK Cowboy was full of the sort of electro smashers that the man also known as Pascal Arbez has since gone on to be famed for – early single My Friend Dario, No Fun and La Rock 01, especially, were all surefire, instant dance floor killers, brutal beats wrapped up in his everything-louder production and direct fourminute delivery. Follow up Flashmob was a more diverse and pensive affair, adding extra layers and nuance to his distinctive sound, without sacrificing the knockout floorfillers that came in the shape of Poison Lips and Terminateur Benelux.

Rave Age, despite its dodgy title, takes the best of both, the signature Vitalic sound, its effects, pacing, and slow-build-in-one-song structure, and adds in bombastic brilliance. Arbez’s influences have always been bountiful, his electronic music history flirting with elements of pop, rock, disco and indie, even. These myriad influences come to the fore here as they jostle for position in what is his most accessible, immediate and crowd-pleasing record so far.

While the accompanying VTLZR production will be taking to the road later this month, this is a chance to catch him in a stripped back, intimate environment.

Whether you’re an indie kid, rock fan, or an electro head, he won’t disappoint.

Vauxhall

20

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NEW BAND

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE GIG SUN, NOV 4. 7PM £20

What do you do after you’ve made one of the most critically lauded albums of all time – 2009’s Post Merriweather Pavillion, an out-there slice of space-rock-indie-psych-pop brilliance? Go even further out there, of course, and that’s what this Baltimore four-piece did with this year’s Centipede Hz. Live, they’ll be otherworldly.

Photos: Debbie Bragg

The Roundhouse Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm roundhouse.org.uk

PARADOX

BACK TO 95 BONFIRE SPECIAL

CLUB

CLUB

TUES, NOV 6. 11PM-6AM £8+

SAT, NOV 3. 10PM-6AM £13.50+

Can’t wait for the weekend to get your groove on? Then Egg’s weekly Tuesday night party will sate your cravings with its Italian-meets-London, style-infused early weeknight bash. Residents Outart and friends will keep you dancing all the way through to the small hours, with guests and local stars each week, too.

The pioneers of old skool house and garage events, SVA, are back with this Nineties-loving night. DJ Spoony, Matt ‘Jam’ Lamont, Pied Piper and Creed are among the acts lined up. There are also live sets from Shola Phillips, Lifford and Denise B across its three rooms, with live percussionists and Narni Shakers, too.

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

The Sidings 51-53 Southwark Street, SE1 1RU London Bridge backto95.com

GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR

PUKKA UP IBIZA REUNION

SPIRITUALIZED

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SUN, NOV 4 & MON, NOV 5. 7PM £20

SAT, NOV 3. 7PM-6AM £40

MON, NOV 5. 7PM £23.50

GY!BE are beloved by stoners for their slow-build, apocalyptic-sounding post-rock compositions, and for East Hastings, the song that Danny Boyle begged them to let him use in his 28 Days Later movie. The erstwhile media-shy, DIY-infused Montrealean group play this duo of shows to show how dark and broody should be done.

Five boats set sail from Tower Millenium Pier at 7pm, cruising up the Thames in an Ibiza-flotilla, before mooring at Pacha, in south London, to take the party indoors and into the small hours. This reunion bash by Pukka Up is perfect for conjuring summer party vibes and combating the winter’scoming blues. Price includes boat and party.

The Spaceman, aka Jason Pierce, returned from orbit this year with his seventh LP Sweet Heart, Sweet Light, which he’ll be sure to dip into to make the most of the atmospherics of this ace north London venue. That, and digging out some space-rock oddities from his eclectic-and-thensome back catalogue, too.

The Forum 9-17 Highgate Road, NW5 1JY Kentish Town hmvforum.com

Pacha London Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR Victoria pukkaup.com

The Roundhouse Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm roundhouse.org.uk

STEVIE NEALE THE BUZZ SO FAR She played Radio One’s Hackney Weekend this summer before she’d even released a record, and was signed up on the strength of her live show alone. Since then, the Cornwall-bred songstress has been given the thumbs up from the likes of Zane Lowe, Rob Da Bank and Toddla T, and is now set to release her debut single, Dangerous, a catchy slice of garage-pop built around choppy electronic beats and her soulful voice. She writes and produces her own tunes, too.

THE CRITICS SAY “Stevie’s off to a flying start” thismustbepop.com THE PLUG Dangerous is out Nov 5 through Week of Wonders. She plays Upstairs At The Garage, Nov 5. £5. 7pm 20-22 Highbury Crescent, N5 1RD Highbury & Islington facebook.com/stevieneale

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 29 Anthem Resident DJs play punk, rock, indie, emo and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, w/ flyer £3, guestlist £2, £1 before 11pm.

Hoochinoo Hip-hop, soul and breaks courtesy of guest DJs, plus live sets from Skuff, Micall Parkinsun, Jyager, Masblitz, Jazz T and AK-One. Vibe Bar, Brick Ln, E1 6QL (020 7247 3479). 8pm-1am. £5.

BOOK NOW!

House Of Disco Presents The Revenge, Citizen, Magnier and Dave Maslen spin house and disco records. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339).

10pm-4am. Adv £7.50.

Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Droppin’ Science Resident DJs spin hip-hop from across the decades. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867).

7.30pm-1.30am. Free.

Glamorous Afterparty Deep house and electro courtesy of Kaos Kid, Marlon K and Francko Harris.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 5am-11am. £7.

Service Industry Night Colin Russell and Donald Sweeney provide R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

Soulful Sound DJs spin soul and funk. Joiners Arms, Hackney Rd, E2 7QL (020 7739 9397). 10pm-late. Free.

Stampede DJ Laurence Rene provide a mix of pop-punk, alternative, rock and ska, with regular hosts Oli Sandler and Matt Boland. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040).

9pm-3am. £5, £3 before 1am, £1 before 11am, free before 10pm, NUS £3 after 11pm, NUS free before 11pm.

TUESDAY 30 Into The Wild: Halloween Special DJs provide rock, indie and club classics. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). 7.30pm-late. Free.

Model Night Out DJ Vernon plays R‘n’B. Funky Buddha, Berkeley St, W1J 8DY (020 7495 2596). 11pmlate. Ladies free before 11.30pm.

Queerly Out Shots DJ Julio Bravo spins power-pop, disco, 1980s, R‘n’B, old skool, Motown and hiphop. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. Free.

Raw Rocket Halloween Party In-house DJs spin experimental, rock and dubstep.

93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). 7pm-11pm. Free.

Tuesday DJ Paddy Garcia spins soul, pop, hip-hop, house and disco. Catch, Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA (020 7729 6097). 9pm-midnight. Free.

United Colours Of Rumba Resident DJs play R‘n’B, pop and dance. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

10pm-3am. Free guestlist before 11pm.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus supply electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

Ziah Electronica and downtempo from the residents. Cafe 1001, Dray Walk, E1 6QL (020 7247 9679).

11pm-late. Phone for Prices.

22

Oneglove Vs Yagga Yo Oneglove and Yagga Yo spin UK bass, house, grime and party anthems.

The Lockside Lounge, West Yard Dock, NW1 8AF (020 7284 0007).

7pm-3am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

BEAT DIMENSION NYE WAREHOUSE PARTY East London venue TBC. Dec 31. £10+ Four of the most innovative producers – Blawan, Mike Dehnert, Cosmin TRG (above) and Untold – make this deep house/techno night one not to miss.

TBC

facebook.com/beatdimensionuk

WEDNESDAY 31 Death 2 Disco Dead Rockstar DJs spin punk rock, plus a live set from Banjoey Ramone, burlesque performers and snake charmers.

Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459).

7pm-2am. £5, free before 8pm.

Grimly Rad 3 Floor Halloween Special Jen Long, Rockfeedback DJs, Danny ‘Mad Eyes’ Prescott, Dan Spinney and Wigwambam spin indie and rock, with live sets from Death At Sea, Wolf Alice and Honey. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 7.30pm-2am. £4.

Halloween Special Nightmare On Berkeley St DJs provide R‘n’B, funky house, hip-hop, old skool and club classics. Funky Buddha, Berkeley St, W1J 8DY (020 7495 2596).

10pm-4am. £20, first 50 ladies free.

Morricone Giallo Halloween Night Special DJs Fiona Staniland, Nick Ramm, Alex Keen, Jonathan Unsworth, Jon Gingell, Jon Scott and Gerry Hunt spin 1960s psychedelia and avant garde.

Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). 7pm-11pm. £16.

Nightmare Prom The Prom DJs play chart and cheese. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). 9pm-2am. £3.

Oxjam Halloween Horror Show Alex Evans and Peter Jordan spin electro and house, plus burlesque and cabaret from Stage Door Johnny, Sherry Trifle, Scarlett Daggers and Mr B, comedian Gavin Thain and a live performance from Will And The People. 93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). 6.30pm-11pm. £5.

THURSDAY 1 BlagSound Presents Indie, rock ‘n’ roll, electro, dubstep and UK bass courtesy of DJs Primal, Sean O’Connor, Dan Xcell and MC Mirroman, plus live music from Without My Medicine, Crybaby Special, Whistlejacket and Bare Pale. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). 8pm-3am. Free.

Haunted House DJs Sef kombo, Lance Morgan, Jack Jones and Dan Formless supply deep house.

The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 2pmmidnight. £5, ladies free before 11pm.

Kent Records Birthday Party Ady Croasdell, 6TS DJ and Tony Rounce spin soul and funk, with a live performance from Chicago soul legend Darrow Fletcher.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). 8pm-2am. £18.75.

Superheroes Of Strokes Residents and guests play indie, rock, hip-hop and electronica. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500).

7pm-3am. £12, adv £10.

Underdog Kris Harris and DJ Valente spin house in the main room, while Hidden.Outside.The. Box play indie, electronic, dance, and nu-disco in the Global Room.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm-late. £7.

The Zombie Factory Mayton DJs and Fin Munro spin electro and indie, with live performances from Fridge Magnets and Psychic Lovers. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.15am. £7, £5 before 10pm, NUS/w/flyer £3 before 10pm, 10pm-11pm NUS/w/flyer £5.

Zulu Tea Party - Mexican Day Of The Dead DJ Format spins hip-hop with support from Yo Mama DJs and residents Roalfy, Heir Max, OK Jones and Mr Gillard. The Big Chill House, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7427 2540). 7pm-1am. Free.

FRIDAY 2 Black Butter Records Takeover Rudimental, Zinc, Bondax, Two Inch Punch, Kidnap Kid, Clean Bandit, Lulu James, DJ Rum and 2nd Drop spin drum ‘n’ bass and house. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-3am. £12.

Dublime Presents Channel One Soundsystem, Rootsteady and Jonny Trunk spin dub and reggae, plus a live set from Lee Scratch Perry. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). 10pm-4am. £20.

Plex, Colony & Machine Ugandan Methods, Livity Sound, Untold, Regis, Senking, 2562, Ancient Methods, Ben Sims, Millie, Phase, Kirk Degiorgio, MB, CB and James Tec spin techno, electro, acid and electronica across two rooms.

Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10pm-8am. £5-£12.

Resident DJ Party Funky house and dance courtesy of in-house DJs. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Rude Movements Manish, Jay Hannan and J. Axel spin nu-boogie and deep house. Horse And Groom, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3NZ (020 7503 9421).

10pm-4am. £5, £4 before midnight.

Saints Don’t Sleep James Fox, James Welsh, Schumen, Action Jackson, Andrew Hill, Alex Crescent, Eniz Menendez and Lukas Lyrestam spin house and techno. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537).

10pm-6am. £7, adv £5.

The Upfront Project Presents: Apogee Dub, disco, house and techno courtesy of Will Saul, Pariah, Greymatter, Medlar, Cameron Smith, Kag, George A G and James Winter. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £5.

X Project Halloween Special Timo Maas, Mark Jenkyns, Ten Story, Ben And Oscar, Amos, Fundamental, Danny Fry, Michael Bibi, Kansas, SQUA and Tony Stephenson spin deep house and techno across two rooms. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-7am. £20, £15 before midnight, mems £13, NUS £15.

SATURDAY 3 Adamski Live Presents NeoWaltz Electronica and neowaltz courtesy of DJ Adamski and Richard Torry, with live performances from Viktoria Modesta and David McAlmont.

Chats Palace Arts Centre, Brooksby’s Walk, E9 6DF (020 8533 0227).

6.30pm-12.30am. £10.

Back To 95 Bonfire Special Old skool classics courtesy of DJ Spoony, Matt ‘Jam’ Lamont, Pied Piper, Mike ‘Ruffcut’ LLoyd, Ramsey And Fen and a host of other guest DJs, plus live sets from Shola Phillips, Lifford and Denise B. The Sidings, Southwark St, SE1 1RU (020 7403 9643). 10pm-6am. Adv £17.50, mems £15, early bird £13.50.

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Deep Into Soul Meets Native Soul Sean McCabe, Atjazz, Phil Asher, Sy Sez, Ziggy Funk, Funk Mob, Shaun Ashby, Josh Grooves and Hannah Kheomoh spin house music across two rooms. Nomad, Old St, EC1V 9AJ (020 7253 4443). 10pm-5am. £15, £12 before midnight, adv £10.

Familia Launch Party DJs Cristian Varela, Mendo, Art A Part, Nick Tcherniak, Borja Pena, Jay Tempest and Huntleys And Palmers spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-11am. £20, mems £15, NUS £13, adv £15.

Hilton Caswell And Friends House, electro and trance courtesy of the DJ. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Larry Tee’s Charity Monster LE1F, Autokratz, Larry Tee, Jodie Harsh, Carmen, Xtravaganza, Allis Pelleschi, Attack Attack Attack, Long X DJs, Nympha and Gallack spin hip-hop and electro. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959).

9pm-3am. £20, adv £15.

Neon Noise Project Herve’s Machines Don’t Care, Dismantle, Foamo, Russ Chimes, Grum and Moullinex spin dubstep and house across two rooms, with a live performance from Vitalic. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040).

10.30pm-5am. £14, adv £12.50.

Pukka Up: Ibiza Reunion Party & Boat Party Sam Walker, Chris Wright and Mark Robinson spin dance, electro and house.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm-late. £40.

Warehouse Presents Marc “MK” Kinchen spins house and dance.

Club Warehouse, Harbet Rd, N18 3HT (020 8807 0078). 11pm-7am. £12.

SUNDAY 4 Disco Loco DJs Earl Gateshead, Toby Kidd, The Lovely Emily and Reverend Milo Speedwagon spin reggae, plus MC Chu-i and hosts M. Johnny Southside and Daddy Cool. Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, Pollard Row, E2 6NB (020 7739 2727). 3pm-6pm. £3.

DJ Discovered Showcase Resident and guest DJs spin house and dance. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Free Your Soul Resident DJs spin old skool, disco, jazz, soul, house and Latin. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10pm-2.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm.

Harajuku! Halloween Ball DJs play Japanese pop and indie.

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7pm-12.30am. Free.

Pause DJs provide house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10.

Sunday Best In-house DJs spin funk, disco, soul and house.

Ladybird Bar, Upper St, N1 0NY (020 7359 1710). 9pm-3am. Free.

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MONDAY 29 Bryan Adams The Canadian chart-topping singer-songwriter and guitarist performs his hits, including (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Summer Of ‘69 and Run To You, with his backing band.

Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £75.

Little Comets The Newcastlebased quartet plays indie-rock and pop to promote the album Life Is Elsewhere. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £11.50.

BOOK NOW!

Robyn The Swedish singersongwriter, known for the single With Every Heartbeat, performs electro-pop. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000) £20.

Bat For Lashes Indie-pop and electro folk from London-based singer-songwriter and musician Natasha Khan and her band to promote the album The Haunted Man. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). Also Tue, adv £20.

Fight Like Apes, Fever Fever, Severin The Dublin-based band plays feisty indie-punk and shoegaze alternative rock with touches of new wave.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £10.

Sandi Thom The singersongwriter performs blues, folkrock and pop from the album Flesh And Blood. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50.

CRYSTAL CASTLES Brixton Academy. Nov 24. £17.50 The electro-punk, synth-pop duo Alice Glass and Ethan Kath release their hotly anticipated new LP, III, ahead of this headline Brixton show.

SW9 9SL

Brixton

o2academybrixton.co.uk

Tyler Hilton, Dion Roy The singer-songwriter and One Tree Hill star plays uplifting and guitar driven indie-rock and folk-pop in support of the album Forget The Storm. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). Adv £17.50.

Here We Go Magic The American band plays indierock from the album A Different Ship. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). Adv £10.50.

Fields Of The Nephilim Carl McCoy leads his flour-covered compadres in all their Goth-rock glory. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

Lene Lovich Band, Das Fluff The singer-songwriter, from Detroit, Michigan, performs eclectic new wave rock, funk and pop, with her backing band.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). Adv £10.

Howler, The Cast Of Cheers, Gross Magic American musician Jordan Gatesmith leads his surf pop, garage-rock and indie outfit performing songs from the album America Give Up. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £12.

Katzenjammer, Ben Caplan Pop, folk and blues by the Oslobased group. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £14.50.

Conor Maynard R‘n’B, soul and pop singer from Brighton. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £18.50.

Nicki Minaj The flamboyant New York-based singer and rapper performs hip-hop and R‘n’B from the album Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £40 & £46.

Lionel Richie The platinumselling American soul and R‘n’B singer-songwriter, known as a member of the Commodores and for the songs Truly, All Night Long (All Night) and Hello, promotes his album Tuskegee.

The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £40-£65.

TUESDAY 30 The Bots The American twopiece, comprised of brothers Mikaiah and Anaiah Lei, performs fast paced punk.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). Adv £7.

Bright Light Bright Light Singer-songwriter, DJ, remixer and producer Rod Thomas plays 1980s and 1990s-influenced electro-pop and dance to promote his album Make Me Believe In Hope. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). Adv £8.

Colorama Cardiff-based singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist Carwyn Ellis leads his psych rock, folk and dream pop combo, promoting the album Good Music. The Wilmington Arms, Rosebery Ave, EC1R 4RL (020 7837 1384). Adv £7.50.

Efterklang & Northern Sinfonia, John Grant The Danish indie-rock band performs classical influenced songs from the album Piramida with the orchestra. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891/ cc 020 7638 8891). £15-£22.50.

Tame Impala The acclaimed five-piece from Perth, Australia performs a blend of psychedelic rock, neo-psychedelia and ethereal dream pop in support of the album Lonerism. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, W9 9SL (0844 477 2000) £17.50.

WEDNESDAY 31 Black Pop-rock by the Liverpoolbased singer-songwriter, aka Colin Vearncombe, with hits such as Wonderful Life and Sweetest Smile, accompanied

by Calum MacColl. St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). Adv £15.

Day Of The Dead Festival Celebration of Mexico’s annual Day Of The Dead featuring music from Rodrigo Y Gabriela and Communion DJs, plus photography, food stalls and films.

The Old Vic Tunnels, Station Approach Rd, SE1 7XB (0844 871 7628). Also Thu, Fri & Sat, day ticket £41, adv £31.

Django Django The London-based band plays psych pop and indie to promote its debut album. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). Also Thu, £12.

The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster The Brighton-based psychobilly and goth rock band reforms to play its early songs.

Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £15.

LIFEM: London International Festival Of Exploratory Music: Frida Hyvonen Alt pop by the singer-songwriter and pianist from Sweden. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £9.50-£21.50.

Kate Nash The London-based songstress performs her accented indie-pop tales.

Hackney Picturehouse, Mare St, E8 1HE (0871 902 5734). £15.

The Polyphonic Spree The group performs songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £22.50.

Wednesday 13 The singer and Murderdolls frontman plays glam metal and horror punk. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16.

THURSDAY 1 Delphic The combo from Stockport plays electronic rock with elements of alternative dance and dream pop.

Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). Adv £15.

Damien Dempsey The Dublin-born singer-songwriter plays Celtic folk.

Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £16.50.

Dry The River The Londonbased ensemble performs a blend of sweeping indie and folk to promote its album Shallow Bed. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.

The Heartbreaks The Lancashirebased four-piece plays indierock from its album Funtimes.

Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). Adv £9.

Twin Shadow American musician George Lewis Jr plays new wave from his album Confess. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £12.50.

World Party Alternative rock by leftfield musician and former member of The Waterboys, Karl Wallinger and band. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £25-£55.

FRIDAY 2 Abby, Allman Brown The eclectic German four-piece, based in Berlin, plays alt-rock, electropop and new wave synth fusion.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £10.

Beach House The Baltimore-based duo plays light and ethereal dream pop and indie from the album Bloom. Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £16.

Doom, Rodney P, Yungun & Mr Thing, Thunderbird Gerard, Lazy Habits New York-based producer and rapper Daniel Dumile Thompson, known for his trademark metal face mask and super villain stage persona, performs hip-hop. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). Adv £27.50.

Mark Gardener Shoegaze indie-rock, alternative rock and Britpop by the Oxford-born singersongwriter and guitarist. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £15, adv £12.

The Ukrainians, Ursus, Penny Orchids The long-established group that originated in Leeds, plays Ukrainian alt folk, with postpunk and rock influences. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £12, adv £10.

Jack White The popular American singer-songwriter and former frontman of The White Stripes performs rock and blues from his album Blunderbuss. Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY (020 8365 2121). Also Sat, adv £30.

SATURDAY 3 Els Pets Pop-rock by the wellestablished Catalan outfit led by the singer, composer and guitarist Luis Gavalda from the village of Constanti, Catalan, Spain. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £20.

Heaven 17 The veteran New Romantic band from Sheffield plays synthpop and new wave from its album The Luxury Gap. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £22.50-£27.50.

LIFEM: London International Festival Of Exploratory Music: Biosphere Electronic music by the musician from Tromso with a background in dance, Geir Jenssen. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £9.50-£21.50.

Pakaw! The group performs traditional Greek music. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12, adv £10.

Sweet Billy Pilgrim Experimental rock from the London-based three-piece.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £6-£8.

Taffy Indie-pop and rock by the band from Tokyo. The Wilmington Arms, Rosebery Ave, EC1R 4RL (020 7837 1384). £6.

Ugly Duckling Playful hip-hop from the Californian outfit, incorporating funky drum breaks. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12.50.

Willard Grant Conspiracy The band from Boston, Massachusetts, plays alternative country and Americana. The Half Moon, Half Moon Ln, Herne Hill, SE24 9HU (020 7274 2733). £7, adv £6.

SUNDAY 4 Animal Collective Experimental and psychedelic rock by the Baltimore-based band.

Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8EH (0844 482 8008). £22.50, adv £20.

Fishbone, Phoenix City All-Stars The Los Angeles-based band plays alt rock and ska. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor Canadian instrumental postrock and experimental rock band. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). £20.

Ali Akbar Moradi The musician and composer, born in the Iranian city of Kermanshah, performs songs of tanbour, alongside Kurdish and Iranian compositions.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £25, concs £12.50.

Paper Aeroplanes, Zervas & Pepper Melodic and laid back alternative folk-pop indie-rock band from Milford Haven. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £8, adv £6.

Vreid, The Furious Horde, Wretched Soul, The Infernal Sea Black metal and rock ‘n’ roll inspired death metal by the Norwegian four-piece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12.

Patrick Watson Alt pop from the Montreal-based singer-songwriter.

Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). £14.

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GOLDEN BACKPACK AWARD WINNERS Thank you for voting for your favourite travel company for the 2012 Golden Backpack Awards.

AFL EUROPEAN CHALLENGE BASH Join players from Port Adelaide and Western Bulldogs at TNT’s AFL European Challenge after party.

The Alexandra, Clapham 14 Clapham Common South Side, SW4 7AA. 7pm til late on Sat, November 3. Tickets £5 tntmagazine.com/aflexhibitionmatch

Last year’s ceremony

Tax & NI Refunds

Are you owed a Tax or NI rebate?

Call 0800 071 6766 or download a tax pack now at www.taxback.co.uk

Photos: Getty; TNT

TNT’s official post-match bash at the Alexandra in Clapham is one party you can’t afford to miss. Celebrating the face-off between the teams at the Kia Oval on November 3, why not watch the two AFL teams battle it out at the Australia football European Challenge and then head down to the official after party, meet the players and enjoy a few stubbies?

We’re also putting on a live band and special offers on drinks. Cos we’re nice like that. Even better, tickets are only a fiver!

The ceremony last week gathered the cream of the travel industry together in Camden to crown winners in categories including favourite tour operator and top travel agency.

Best of all, the votes came from the people who really count – the TNT readers, who we reckon are best qualified to choose those companies that make backpacking around the world that little bit more special.

Visit tntmagazine.com/events to check out your winners now!

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1522 FINAL TNT Presents.indd 24

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Brendon Burns The outspoken Aussie comedian on atheism, embarrassing on-stage moments and porn INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

Tell us about your new show, Home Stretch Baby…

It’s about the glory of middle age from an ex rock ‘n’ roll comic.

What’s surprised you about middle age?

You hear ‘home stretch’ and think it’s about death, and it is not. The premise is: things that seemed before an impenetrable prism of agony, woe and despair, you get to a certain age and suddenly become so far removed from them they become comical. You realise there is nothing that can happen that you won’t get over with time.

Is it difficult performing a show about your younger self?

I tell a few home stories from the beginning of my career when I was so full of anger. Without the right tone and the gift of hindsight, people are horrified. I’ve had a lot of betrayal in my life and so there was rage from that. And there’s a retelling of my worst gig which is, hands down, the worst gig in the history of comedy.

What happened?

It was so embarrassing. My sister had lost her husband in a car accident, and our parents came along to a gig I thought would cheer everyone up. But it went fucking horribly, and basically the whole room couldn’t even look me in the eye.

What else changes with middle age?

You can’t do things as quickly but, then again, you aren’t in such a rush, either. I took my son snowboarding recently and I got pretty bashed up. It is going to take longer to repair than it used to, but 20 years ago I wouldn’t have been snowboarding in the mountains in the first place – I would have been face down in a pool of my own vomit in a hotel somewhere.

What else have you noticed?

I talk about how I couldn’t make a decent life decision until I was 35, and that I can’t masturbate to Barely Legal teen porn anymore!

You’ve just recorded a new DVD, Y’Know, Love ‘n’ God ‘n’ Metaphysics ‘n’ Shit...

And it got a standing ovation. It’s one of the better shows I have written and certainly one of the ballsiest things people had seen me do.

Hot: Burns, 41, is loving life. Well, apart from all those damn atheists ...

Has your writing changed with time?

As you get older you learn to take on themes – topical stuff gets old quickly. This is about after my break-up, when I tried to restore my faith. It’s about trying to find balance in life and making fun of organised beliefs, especially atheism.

What annoys you most about atheism?

Anytime you get a movement together it’s going to be full of arseholes – the atheist argument can be just as trite as intelligent design. Either we created god or god created us. Regardless, something miraculous occurred.

Are there parallels between religion and atheism?

Those dicks on marches trying to cram this shit down everyone’s throats are just as bad as the Christians. As a movement they have a book in The God Delusion, a figurehead in Richard Dawkins, and they’re trying to change the world according to their book – like Christianity. But say that and you’re thrown in the Bible camp.

It can be as intolerant as Christianity…

Yes, but Richard Dawkins doesn’t take on Professor Phil Davies anymore, because last time he gave him a run for his money. So he takes on creationists, but anyone who feels smug for pointing out the Bible isn’t real deserves having the piss taken out of them. If you look

at the American presidential election, religious affiliation is at the forefront of it, but I am proud of the fact that here in Europe a politician’s career would be over if they dared bring up god.

What do you call yourself?

At a push I am an agnostic pantheist, and this is what the whole show was about, trying to find what I thought and believed in.

You were brought up Catholic – when did you begin to question it?

Probably when I was nine! I had an argument with a priest. He insisted on taking my confession and I got sent home because I said: “No, you first.” I couldn’t stand him and knew he was a reprehensible human being.

Have you been surprised by reactions among your peers?

You’d think the comedy community is all in the atheist camp, but a lot of people have said to me that they’re pleased I am taking the piss out of atheism, as it’s rarely questioned.

I wasn’t arguing from an academic standpoint but speaking emotionally from the heart.

Home Stretch Baby. Nov 12-17. Soho Theatre £10+ W1D 3NE sohotheatre.com Oxford Circus Y’Know, Love ‘n’ God ‘n’ Metaphysics ‘n’ Shit is out on DVD on Nov 12

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“No smiling, please. This film is French”

RUST AND BONE FILM review Alasdair Morton STARRING: Marion Cotillard, Matthias Schoenaerts | 15 | 122mins

THE MASTER FILM STARRING: Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman | 15 | 143mins

Phoenix plays an impressionable young man in postwar America who is swept up by Philip Hoffman’s enigmatic L Ron Hubbard-esque figure, a man who invents his own religion that is definitely like – but not based solely on – Scientology, as director Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights) has made clear in case the alien ant farmers take offence and decide to get upset.

On general release November 2

26

Jacques Audiard won the Best Film award at the 2009 London Film Festival for his searing crime drama A Prophet, and it is an accolade he claimed again this year for his follow up Rust And Bone. It truly is a case of lightning striking twice.

Marion Cotillard (The Dark Knight Rises) and Matthias Schoenaerts star as a killer whale trainer and a breadline striding bare-knuckle boxer who meet in Antibes, France and strike up first an unlikely friendship, then a romance that helps them both find the strength to see themselves reborn. Stephanie is struggling to come to terms with a horrific marine park accident that saw her legs amputated, and Alain to find the courage to take on responsibility in his life, whether it be for his own actions, or taking care of his neglected, and borderline feral, son.

It’s a story of courage and redemption. The fight sequences are utterly bruising and the love scenes sexually charged; the emotions are considered with an honesty, by both character and screenwriter, that truly affects. Audiard proves himself a skilled filmmaker capable of restraint when needed (a solitary bloodied tooth cracking on to the cement during one particular brawl hits harder than any highly choreographed and drawn-out sequence), but also ready to move head first into moments of pain and despair, as Stephanie contemplates wheelchair-bound life.

It is the redemption in flawed characters that compels the most, though, and the understanding that what doesn’t kill us doesn’t always make us stronger, but changes us nonetheless. A thoughtful, powerful film, and a deserving winner.

GOOD FOR: A tale of love, loss and violence ready to move from art house to multiplex.

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GIVE US A

AL MURRAY: THE ONLY WAY IS EPIC

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The Pub Landlord comes back with a new show for the disillusioned out there, offering “common sense solutions to everyday problems” such as what to do about the lazy younger generation of work-shy layabouts. He’ll also, as the title suggests, be turning his attention to the Essex vajazzlers of the world. Top character comedy.

Ha ha!

Queen’s Theatre 51 Shaftesbury Avenue, W1D 6BA. Nov 4. £29 Piccadilly Circus thepublandlord.com

HOLLYWOOD COSTUME

LOSERVILLE

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Taxi Driver, The Wizard Of Oz, err, Pirates Of The Caribbean. Hollywood classics and contemporary upstarts – from the silent era to the days of 3D Avatar – are all represented in this exhibition of famous movie outfits, featuring Judy Garland’s iconic blue-and-white dress and Indiana Jones’ fedora and leather jacket attire.

This geeks vs jocks musical – a collaboration between James Bourne (formerly of boyband Busted) and Elliot Davis, set in 1971 as the school nerd gets the girl – is harmless stuff.

While the choreography’s lively and the performances spirited, it’s more for the very young rather than the young at heart.

Victoria and Albert Museum Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL. Until Jan 27. £15.50 South Kensington vam.ac.uk

Garrick Theatre WC2H 0HH. Until Mar 3. £10+ Charing Cross loservillethemusical.com

GREG BURNS What’s the show about? I set out for it to be a general hour of funniness but as I’ve written it, it’s increasingly become about my social no man’s land between married friends having kids, and the necessity to have a younger social group so I can go out without a year’s planning.

Photos: Edward Moore; Tristram Kenton

Who’s your comedy god? Jerry Seinfeld, Alan Davies was the first comedian I ever loved and Micky Flanagan rules this decade.

What’s the funniest thing you have seen? Years ago at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival I turned up to leaflet on the Royal Mile to find two of the comics I was doing the show with helpless with laughter in a doorway – they were watching the worst street performers you’ve ever seen. Once I realised what they were laughing at I joined them on the heap on the floor. We must have sat there for four hours solid.

FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL

RED VELVET

FILM

THEATRE

Superstar-to-be Ari Graynor and Lauren Miller star as the sultry sexpot and uninhibited-for-now roomates who embark on a phone sex business in order to pay their New York City rent in this gross out comedy where bodily juices get spilt and there’s no end to the double entendres and innuendo. Refreshing proof that smutty comedies don’t have to be bloke-based anymore.

Adrian Lester gives a superb performance in this new play by his wife Lolita Chakrabarti, a factinspired account of the appearance of African American actor Ira Aldridge at the Theatre Royal in 1833. Lester’s performance is mesmerising and his encounter with Eugene O’Hare’s theatre manager worth the admission price alone.

What advice would you give someone starting out? Don’t, you’ll hate it. Get a proper job with a pension. Who needs to have competition, anyways?

Tricycle Theatre Kilburn High Road, NW6 7JR. Until Nov 24. £14+ Kilburn tricycle.co.uk

Bloomsbury Theatre £14 Euston Square

On general release from November 2

WC1H 0AH. Nov 9. thebloomsbury.com

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Sparkling: Jessica Mauboy as Julie in The Sapphires

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[Caption]

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The golden girls of song Aussie Jessica Mauboy stars in the feel-good film of the year, The Sapphires, about an inspirational Aboriginal singing group WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

Every once in a while a film comes along and captures the public’s imagination. A heart-warming, energetic, great big smile of a movie – Aussie-born hit The Sapphires is most definitely one of these. Based on a true story, this tale has become one of the top earners at the box office Down Under; it wowed audiences in Cannes at its May premiere, where it received a 10-minute standing ovation. But most impressively, for an uplifting musical drama, it has real weight along with its warmth, mixing musical numbers, comedy, an affecting love story and familial drama, with astute social and cultural commentary of a part of Australia’s past that isn’t talked about enough.

Adapted from the 2004 stage musical of the same name, The Sapphires tells the story of a group of Aboriginal singers in the Sixties, who faced and overcame racial prejudice as they went from being local celebrities, performing songs from the back of a van, to getting themselves a manager and travelling to Vietnam to entertain the troops.

“In terms of putting issues on the table, Australia is really behind in this,” 2006 Australian Idol runner-up, pop star and lead Sapphire Jessica Mauboy says of the period in which the film is set and the present. “[Australia] is still really afraid of embracing what really happened, and the film allows that,” she adds. “That is one of the things that I love about it. Without pointing at anyone, it celebrates [Australia’s history] and not just Aboriginal women, but all women, too.”

It’s easy to see where this authenticity and celebration comes from. The film was penned by Tony Briggs, making his screenwriting debut with this adaptation of his own stage musical, which in turn was based on stories told to him as a child by his mother, Laurel Robinson, one of the original Sapphires. You’ll recognise Briggs from the small screen – he played Bilal in the acclaimed Australian TV version of Christos Tsiolkas’s book The Slap, which aired on BBC Four.

Robinson performed along with her sister Beverly Briggs and cousins Naomi Mayers and Lois Peeler as The Sapphires in the Sixties. The ‘aunties’ broke out at a time when racial issues, women’s rights and, indeed, reactions against the Vietnam War made it a politically charged atmosphere plagued by prejudice.

The film takes a little artistic licence with the events that transpired. Only half of the foursome – the Briggs sisters

– actually travelled to Vietnam. Their cousins passed on the opportunity and chose to protest the Vietnam War, instead.

Nonetheless, The Sapphires’ success made them trailblazers, who transcended the racial divide that scissored through the heart of Australian society. The unmistakable

“

I’m immensely proud to be telling this story

”

passion that these women possessed was certainly not lost on the young cast who portrayed them on the big screen.

“We met the aunties, as they’re called in our community, and I felt immensely proud to be able to sit there and listen to what they went through,” says Mauboy of the meetings she and her co-stars [Deborah Mailman, who plays elder sister Gail; Miranda Tapsell, the impressionable and highly ››

“Five, six, seven, wait!” O’Dowd teaches the girls some moves TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: O’Dowd as manager Dave; and with the girls; writer Tony Briggs

[Caption] charged Cynthia; and Shari Sebbens, who plays the estranged cousin Kay] had with the story’s inspirations.

“To have read the script, but then actually meet them, we could see how they operated with each other and how they were so strong and wholehearted and full of soul.

“Most of all, they were firm about who they are – they’re the type of women who would tell you where to go! There is no holding back with them and I loved that. In real life that is how I grew up with my aunties. At every backyard event we had, we’d sit around with a guitar and loud aunties and uncles, and that definitely helped me to tell this story.”

The close-knit ties these women shared that helped to propel them to success, and which is so enigmatically portrayed on screen, were replicated behind the camera.

TV director Wayne Blair made his feature film debut with The Sapphires after being cast in Briggs’ earlier stage production, while Mauboy, Tapsell and Sebbens knew each other from their home city of Darwin.

“Auditions were quite low-key,” Mauboy recalls of the process that saw the three of them audition separately and then together before being cast. “But from our first gettogether in Albury, we clicked and had such a connection.”

Even Chris O’Dowd – the Irishman from geeky UK TV show The IT Crowd, who’s now a Hollywood star thanks to his role in Bridesmaids – made light of such, arriving on set joking

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The Sapphires will be released nationwide on November 7 through Entertainment One.

Photos: Getty

The real Sapphires at the Sydney premiere in August

that he, too, was from “just up the road”, despite his home being thousands of miles away.

What makes The Sapphires such a worthy crowd-pleaser though is its ability to juggle the weightier, ‘state of the nation’ themes, which have more than a little relevance to contemporary Australia, with being an exhilarating sing-along musical designed to, above all, entertain.

One especially poignant flashback sequence lifts the lid on a divisive moment in the family’s history in which Kay is removed from her family and taken to boarding school, where she’s shaped by a slew of racially stereotyping beliefs held by white Australians – the so-called ‘stolen generation’.

Yet for every heavy moment like this, there are comedic moments to burn: O’Dowd’s Dave is first glimpsed compering a small town talent competition and, later, teaching the girls how to dance ahead of a performance. Then there are the scenes surrounding the girls’ rivalry, and the attempts by the boozy Irishman to intervene when they’re not keen on being told what’s what by an outsider. Add to this the captivating musical numbers themselves, a collection of Motown classics and country numbers with a Sixties pop spin (10 of which are sung by Mauboy on the accompanying movie soundtrack), and it is a surefire recipe for success.

Where the Australian international success stories have been searing, disturbing dramas (Snowtown), grizzly crime thrillers (Oscar-nominated Animal Kingdom) or pants-wetting horrors (Saw, Wolf Creek), The Sapphires is a cross between Dreamgirls, Strictly Ballroom and The Full Monty with the scenery of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert – and it has all the charm and feel-good passion that combination suggests.

“I was nervous of the fact we were telling someone else’s story,” Mauboy says of the film’s origins. “I had sung someone else’s song before but I’d never had the opportunity to do this. From the first time I was handed the script and heard there were auditions, I was nervous, and this film took over my life for a year. But from the first time I read it [the script] this story reached out to me and I totally fell in love with it.”

Audiences have fallen in love with this gem of a movie, too, and it is going to win even more hearts when the girls take to the international stage. ❚

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SPARETIME

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Kylie Minogue: The Abbey Road Sessions

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Assassin’s Creed III Game

The flagship franchise returns for its biggest installment yet. £42.00 play.com

CD

Miss Minogue re-records her biggest hits at the famous London studio. £8.99 amazon.co.uk

Football Manager 2013 Game

Take control of one of many clubs from more than 50 nations in the world in this footy management pace setter. £29.99 amazon.co.uk

Various Artists: BBC Radio 1’s Live Lounge 2012 CD

Mumford & Sons, Maverick Sabre and more in this ace covers compilation. £11.99 play.com

Tap Tap Revenge 4 Android app

Guitar Hero gone pop for your handheld.

FREE play.google.com

Ian Spector: Chuck Norris: Longer And Harder Book

Switch

Subtitled: ‘The complete chronicle of the world’s deadliest, sexiest and beardiest man.’ £12.99 play.com

iPhone app

This “extends the narrative of the [ITV] show in real-time”, while you’re watching it.

Next-gen telly entertainment.

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Phil Rickman: The Heresy Of Dr Dee

Warm Up Soles Gadget

Book

Keeps your feet warm on a cold – and rainy!

– winter’s day. £12.99

Second installment in the 16th-century crime series. £14.99 amazon.co.uk

iwantoneofthose.com

London 2012 Olympic Games

Cross Stitch Case Gadget

DVD

Personalised phones on a whole new level – this one allows you to sew up your own case design. £10 amazon.co.uk

This five-disc beast recaps the glory, with an opening ceremony director’s cut. £19.99 amazon.co.uk

Red Tails DVD

George ‘Star Wars’ Lucas-produced WW2 fighter pilot adventure. £11.99 play.com

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App of the Week Gridrunner iPhone app

Insurmountable proof that you don’t need photo-realism CG for a great game – this ace arcade shooter is addictive. You’re warned. £0.99 itunes.apple.com

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Retro lace dress A dainty design for slender ladies.

Whale sweatshirt Funky and original designs from this top indie label.

Floral print shirt Challenge your manhood with this bold flowery top.

conquergear.com

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RED OR DEAD

Photo: Red or Dead

Look back at the past 30 years of British fashion through the brand Red or Dead this week. They’re holding a free exhibition at The Dray Walk Gallery, part of the Old Truman Brewery, to celebrate three decades of their styles. In 1982, in Camden Market, Wayne and Gerardine Hemingway started selling their funky garments – re-styled pieces they’d bought from second-hand stores.

The label’s creators have always been ahead of the trends and knew then how to get noticed with their controversial designs.

Soon big players in the fashion industry were taking notice and the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier and Demi Moore were celebrity fans. As well as the chance to clap eyes on real classic pieces, attendees will be able to get a sneak peek of their up-to-date special edition ‘Pearly Collection’ (on sale in Bank fashion stores, see bankfashion.co.uk).

OPEN November 9-11, 11am-7pm COST Free redordead.com 91 Brick Lane, London, E1 6QL Liverpool Street

Flora and fauna

Insect white T Centipedes coming out of a man’s nose – why not? conquergear.com

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Gillian Arnold bracelet A beautiful artistic and decorative statement piece. shopgreenwich.co.uk

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Camo top Blend in with the bushes in this striking top.

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Rosy trousers Wear these pants with a black or red top to stand out. hm.com

Clear lily umbrella Who needs to shelter under a tree when you have one of these?

Zebra heels Make a statement with these animal print kicks. tribecashoes.co.uk

lemy.co.uk

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

POWER PLATE If busting some moves on a large vibrating plate sounds like your idea of a good time – you’re in luck.

No, it’s not a new sex craze, it’s the (surprisingly energetic) FLABéLOS power plate session at the Rosebery Rooms. For those of you who’ve been sitting on the sofa rather than hitting the gym, this large vibrating plate could be the thing to get you back in shape. Users stand, sit and perform movements on it, activating muscle contractions that enhance the workout. We’re not scientists, but if the hardbodies in the power plate class are anything to go by – we’re in. This clever machine tones key areas including the stomach, thighs, arms and bum, plus it improves posture and overall body conditioning. Despite its unassuming appearance, it turns out that just like any other fitness session, power plate is actually a lot of hard work. You’ll find a mixture of upper and lower body exercises, but performing them on a wobbly platform beats a standard gym floor any day. Top marks for entertainment and effectiveness – we’ve got a firmer bum already.

Treatments start from £5 per 10-minute session.

Rosebery Rooms, 168 Clerkenwell Road, EC1R 5DE flabelos.org; kumariclub.com Angel

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Horses for courses Ride your way to fitness and tight buns with dressage classes – we kid you not WORDS JADE BREMNER Since Team GB won two dressage gold medals at London 2012, riding schools have enjoyed a surge of interest in the sport. And from November 16-18, ExCel London will host the gee-gee extravaganza HorseWorld Live, putting dressage and its eventing counterparts centre stage again. But, despite this rise in profile, dancing about on horseback is still a mystifying pursuit for many. Naturally, TNT decided to give it a go...

For me, riding to fitness means speedpedalling in a spinning session to deafening house music, rather than atop a horse doing ballet to Land Of Hope And Glory. But then again, I didn’t go to school with Zara Phillips.

However, Trent Park Equestrian Centre offers everyone, whether or not you have a pony, the chance to horse around, including learning a few dressage moves. Instructor Martine Dawlings explains the discipline to me in layman’s terms – a rider guides their horse around a square space to music and gets their animal to perform a artistic ballroom dancing and ballet moves. It looks absurd, but there are mega fitness benefits.

To get a taste, I’ll first have to learn to ride a horse. “What’s your riding experience?”

Dawlings asks. “I’ve been on a donkey on the beach,” I reply. I have a long way to go.

Fittingly, Dawlings introduces me to Boycie, named after the car dealer from Only Fools And Horses. “Boycie’s the Skoda of the horse world,” she says. I can see why they wouldn’t let me loose on their Ferrari.

‘You will do ballet’ 34

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I jump on his back and clench on to the reins.

Dawlings warns I’m about to see how hard a simple ride can be and how good it is for fitness – a one-hour session can burn a similar amount of calories to a half an hour running.

“The body is moving all the time, to keep in balance with the horse, and aids [commands] are constantly given through different parts of your body,” she says.

Another instructor, Becky Parr, leads my horse in case it bolts, because I have no idea what I’m doing. “If my clients want a beach body, I tell them to come horse riding more,” Parr says. “It’s great for toning your stomach and inner thighs.”

I learn dressage aids, such as leg-yields and half passes (making the horse go sideways and forwards at the same time).

Who knew bobbing up and down demanded so much balance and strength? “Shoulders back, hips forward!” shouts Dawlings. After 30 minutes, I’m sweating. I realise my laughing at the Olympics dressage event was harsh – this is tough.

Dawlings tells me people can work up to what resembles dressage in just a few lessons. Will I be one of them? Two days on, I’m waddling like John Wayne – my inner thighs and bum have taken a royal beating.

So, perhaps not.

Lesson times vary. From £32 per hour. Trent Park Equestrian Centre, East Pole Farmhouse, Bramley Road, N14 4UW trentpark.com

The 2012 Games

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WHAT’S NEW

Go for gold: Olympic dressage champion Charlotte Dujardin

Doubloon Pure Bristle Shaving Brush For a top-quality shave £6.99 bluebeards-revenge.co.uk

MORE PLACES TO SADDLE UP Mudchute Equestrian Centre WHAT: Part of Mudchute Park & Farm, east London, the equestrian centre is open yearround and offers adult riding lessons for a range of abilities. Here you can build up to the jumps in the paddock.

WHERE & WHEN: 6pm, Mon & Tues (adult beginners should book in advance).

Mudchute Park & Farm, Pier Street, Isle of Dogs, E14 3HP. Lessons from £27 per hour.

SEE: mudchute.org/equestrian-centre

Photos: Getty, Thinstock, Top Treatment: Lindsay Walker

Ridgway Stables WHAT: Relax at the weekend with a spot of hacking (that’s wandering about on horseback to those who don’t speak pony) around Wimbledon Common.

WHERE & WHEN: 9-5pm, Tues-Sun, 93 Ridgway, Wimbledon Village, SW19 4SU. Mid-week hacking classes from £39 per hour.

SEE: ridgwaystables.co.uk

Detangling Brush With 428 bristles at 32 different heights £14.95 michelmercier.co.uk

Hyde Park Stables WHAT: Trot past the Serpentine lake and explore Hyde Park from the best view possible – on the back of a horse.

The stables offer lessons all year, giving people the chance to make the most of the park’s five miles of bridleways – a stunning day out.

WHERE & WHEN: Various times, Tues-Sun. NEXT WEEK Hyde Park Stables, 63 Bathurst Mews, TNT gets brave W2 2SB. £64. and takes on roller derby SEE: More info at hydeparkstables.com

Forever Ink Tattoo balm to keep them looking new £6.99 tattooguardian.com

TOP TREATMENT: INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE If you are tired of your back getting all the attention during a massage, this treatment offers a tension-relieving change. Straight from India, this particular rubdown helps to improve circulation and flexibility in your neck, shoulders and head. The relaxing pressures and movements on our head trickled all the way down to our feet, leaving us looser and ready to tackle the rest of our day. Well worth the money. £25

Relieve tension

Touch Spa, 3 Kenway Road, SW5 0RP

touchspa.co.uk

Earls Court

Pink Bubbly Vaseline Lip therapy that smells divine £3.49 asda.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Knock, knock: Coffin drama on London’s Ghost Bus Tour

Working in horror Meet the people paid to scare the public out of their wits with ghost tours, body mutilation and gruesome theatre WORDS JADE BREMNER If death, ghouls, body mortification and severed heads intrigue you rather than make you want to vomit, you may want to consider a career in the horror industry. There’s something bizarrely rewarding about scaring the bejesus out of someone – imagine that hilarious and smug feeling, and then think about getting paid for it.

Tempted? We speak to three people who do just this for a living as creepy tour guides, gross-out merchants and in the legitimate (spooky) theatre...

Peter Davis, Ghost Bus Tours Having started out in the industry in his twenties, Davis has already worked in horror for a decade. He says he’s had a fascination with the genre ever since he would stare at slasher movie covers as a kid and wonder what was inside.

“When I was 15, I went to the London Dungeon and thought, ‘I want to work there!’” he recalls. “After I’d 36

been to drama school I auditioned [for the tourist attraction] and worked as an actor there for a few years – it was the perfect job-in-between-acting-jobs.”

Davis is now the creative director of a horror tour that takes tourists on a frightful ride around London’s haunted sites and burial grounds in a black double decker bus.

“It’s a comedy-horror show, so there are a lot of laughs to be had in among the scares, and that often gets the best reaction,” he says. “You lull someone into a false sense of security with the comedy, then try to scare the crap out of them!”

Someone in this line of work earns £18k-22k a year. Davis explains the best way to get a career in horror would be to “just jump in wherever you can”.

He adds, in trademark sinister fashion: “Once you’re in... there’s no turning back.” Cue evil laugh here.

Davis enjoys that he works in an

industry that is full of eccentrics. “[The public] think I’m a tour guide who’s a bit of a weirdo... they assume that I just have fun all the time,” he says. “Which to be fair, I kind of do.”

Ayesha Hussain, body torturer A rare breed, Hussain gets paid to shock people and make them wince, and she absolutely lives for it.

“My job is pretty fucking awesome,” she says. “I travel the world, and generally get paid to abuse myself.”

She’ll perform this week as part of the combined cabaret show Spellbound at Proud Cabaret Camden (Nov 2-3, proudcabaret.com), where she will do all manner of horrific stuff to her body with broken glass, staples and wood in the name of entertainment.

Hussain got a taste for the macabre when she worked at a Playboy club and saw ‘specialist’ acts performing.

“I thought they were cool,” Hussain

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB MERYL LE FLEUR CAREER Pastry chef AGE 25 LIVES Stratford FROM South Africa How did you get into your line of work?

I studied hotel management and a culinary arts diploma. I have always had a passion for beautiful and tasty pastry.

Photos: Anna Soderblom; Ayesha Hussain and Proud Cabaret

Hussain found a unique way to remember her shopping list

Spine-chilling: The Horror! The Horror! at London Horror Fest

he’s also the co-artistic says. She sought advice ZOMBIE SCHOOL director of the stage from Preacher Muad’dib A good way to get experience group, Theatre Of The (world record holder for in the horror industry is to Damned. He used to holding a lawnmower volunteer at a zombie chase. The make horror films with on his face) and four post-apocalyptic scenario games his friends at school and years of performing – where people pay to be chased later she earns a crust about by zombies – are popping up spent the majority of his spare time scaring putting broken glass all over the country and companies himself silly: “I was and other things up her such as 2.8 Hours Later offer the always buried in a nose. It sounds like chance to be one of their undead. musty old book of Apply on the website and attend a Jackass all over again, Victorian or Edwardian zombie trial. If you pass, you’ll get but the shocks are [era] ghost stories or kitted out in costume and make-up delivered as part of a watching Peter Cushing and chase for three hours a night. glamorous show. She’s beat seven shades of even appeared on stage Work one night and you get a free shit out of ghouls in a ticket to play the game another with Busta Rhymes and Hammer Horror film.” night. Bonus! More information at Kayne West.

Now he turns those 2.8hourslater.com.

Hussain admits the out-there ideas into pay – enough to “cover stage works: “You live the bills” – may not for the moments when the audience is match the risks involved with her work, jumping out of their seats and fainting but it’s worth it: “It takes thick skin to in the aisles.” Putting on the festival be in the horror industry, in my case in doesn’t pay Pringle “a penny”, but he more ways than one,” she jokes. says it’s not about the money, and adds “Some of the routines and the props you’d be hard-pressed to find a more I use are very dangerous: it’s ‘don’t-trysociable genre than horror. “Ideas are this-at-home’ kind of stuff.” hatched over a few pints at the pub, But she insists there’s nothing and then you get to watch them better than getting “paid to do shit develop as they make their way that I love”. to the stage. Hopefully Stewart Pringle, Horror Festival NEXT WEEK people enjoy it, or they’ll dismiss us as sick Gore-hound Pringle is not only the Working in weirdos – either is fine producer of the London Horror Festival Sydney, Oz by me.” (londonhorrorfestival.com, until Nov 7),

What do you do day-to-day?

I have a mise en place [putting in place] list ready, which I work off each day while prioritising what needs to be done first. The first thing is normally to start making the bread for the restaurant and then I get all the dishes ready for a la carte service, which starts at lunch time. I also make different types of petit fours for the restaurant.

What’s the best part of your job?

Creating new dishes with interesting flavours and textures, and creating very modern dishes through experimentation. Plus receiving great compliments.

What’s the most challenging part?

Finishing late and starting early.

HOW TO...

UN-QUIT Having doubts about your new job? This is where you stand on getting your old job back...

• The law is not in your favour; an employer doesn’t HAVE to cancel a resignation.

• Offered a deal to stay after putting in your notice? There’s a good chance you’ll be welcomed back. Line up a meeting with your boss immediately and, importantly, be honest.

• Hate your current job but your

next job has fallen through? It’s embarrassing, but get grovelling.

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tntjobs.co.uk TEACHING PERSONNEL T: 020 3056 7510 www.teachingpersonnel.com Teaching Personnel provides teachers and classroom support staff to thousands of schools across England and Wales.

CHANGE HOSPITALITY T: 020 317 63748 www.thechangegroup.com We Supply Freelance and Permanent Chefs to Top London Restaurants: Michelin / Rosette, Events Caterers & Band / Tour Catering.

ALL STAR LANES T: 020 7313 8363 www.allstarlanes.co.uk All Star Lanes Bayswater is a boutique bowling alley situated in West London. With a retro American feel we offer great diner food, classic cocktails and a stateside dining experience.

REST ASSURED WE CARE LTD T: 01483 481000 www.restassured-wecare.com Rest Assured We Care Ltd is a specialist live-in care agency in Surrey looking to recruit care workers now.

PRIVATE EMPLOYER

JOB OF THE WEEK: Primary School Teacher Location: South West London Salary: Great rate of pay A lovely school in West London is looking for a KS1 teacher from 5th November 2012.

Applications are welcome from NQT’s, FQT’s and Overseas Teachers. Please contact us for details on this and many other opportunities across London.

020 3056 7510 | www.teachingpersonnel.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Freelance Chef De Partie or Sous Chef Location: London Salary: £9.00-£15.00 per Hour / £450-£750 We are looking for chefs of all levels to work at a well known restaurant in central London. To work a rota working 50-60 Hours a week, 5 days a week, from October till December. You must have Rosette / Michelin /1-2 Hat Chef Experience.

Oliver Townsend | 02031763748 | oliver.townsend@thechangegroup.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Wait staff Location: Bayswater Salary: Hourly starting from £7.25 an hour We’re looking for waiting staff at all levels to join the award winning team at All Star Lanes.

We have full & part time roles available with flexible hours and start dates from now. If you have experience in high volume restaurants & bars it’s an advantage but not essential as full training is provided – energy, personality, organisation and empathy, however are required!

Good rates of pay, full tronc entitlement, 28 days holiday (pro rata) and more.

Dominic Silvestri | dominic@allstarlanes.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In Care Worker Location: Surrey, Home Counties and London Salary: up to £600 per 7 day week Live in work available for female care workers who can drive. Long and short term work now available, £100 bonus over xmas cover and double pay on bank holidays.

Call us now for more details on 01483 481000

JOB OF THE WEEK: 2 Bright Dog Lovers (1 Job/Job share) Location: Sussex Salary: £1000.00 pm + free accommodation To help manage historic country house in Sussex.

Varied mix of gardening, security and driving.

Must be independent, flexible and reliable.

Car driver (over 25).

Max Lewinsohn | 01342 810 246 | ml@maxco2.com

ENVIVA CARE LTD T: 01420 87788

www.envivacare.com We are a Live-In Care company providing care across the South East of England.

We pride ourselves on providing the highest quality care to elderly and disabled people in their own homes.

CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 2310

www.care24seven.com Recruiting carers within London that have experience and the right attitude towards delivering a high level of service.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Location: London & South East Salary: £500-£560 per week You will be required to Live-In our Client’s home 24 hours a day. You will be responsible for assisting with personal care, cooking, companionship and domestic tasks.

Short and long term placements available. Accommodation and meals provided.

Applicants must speak fluent English. lucy.perkins@envivacare.com | 01420 87788

JOB OF THE WEEK: Care Assistant Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications You must have: Experience, flexibility. A clear record for CRB check.

Responsibilities: Provide care to the elderly in their own home.

Work within the guidelines of the company policies Please forward a cv to: Max@care24seven.com

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A LY

PP N O W

MULTIMEDIA

Career opportunities TNT is the market-leading magazine, new media and events brand serving UK-based Australian, New Zealand, South African and other international and young communities.

Drive, ambition, professionalism and a desire

TNT publishes a weekly magazine that’s been around for almost 30 years, and has a circulation of 50,000. It has vibrant interactive websites and puts on an impressive range of events from community parties and award celebrations to major exhibitions.

Telesales Executives

We have a number of job opportunities for people with attitudes and ambitions that match our own to join the team and help TNT into 2013 and its next phase of growth.

to succeed and earn rewards are prerequisites for these roles. Applicants will need to have the following:

» Sales and customer service skills » Articulate and able to make a high volume of outbound sales calls

» The drive to meet and exceed individual targets » Have proven organisational and computer skills » A genuine commitment to delivering outstanding customer service

» Experience in travel, recruitment or media

Digital Sales Executives

February 27-March 4 2012 Issue 1487 tntmagazine.com

» Knowledge of digital sales » Previous experience of working within a media or digital environment

» Proven history in new business development » A natural talent to see beyond the ordinary » Understanding of where online marketing fits in the

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» Ability to identify new revenue streams » Excellent presentation and communication skills

PIRATES & DRUG DENS Intrepid Simon Reeve on his new TV series

Key Accounts Executives

NEED NEW ROOMIES?

» Solid sales experience (both face-to-face and phone) » Previous experience of working within a media or

We try our luck at speed flatmating

P! I R T A T A H W

– details inside T Travel Show als at the TN de e siv clu ex Score + 48 HOURS IN ... SHANGHAI LATE DEALS TOP TRAVEL GADGETS VALENCIA

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Please send your CV, covering letter and current salary to kevin.ellis@tntmagazine.com with the relevant job title in the subject line

MAGAZINE.COM

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digital environment

» » » »

Excellent presentation and communication skills Proven history in new business development Ability to build a rapport quickly with clients A genuine commitment to delivering outstanding customer service

» Excellent account management skills » Ability to identify new revenue streams » Passion for independent travel

Destinations

DIRECTORY

26/10/12 11:07:44

Multi award winning, Michelin starred restaurant requires

CHEF DE PARTIE If you are interested in working with great food and in an energetic, friendly team please email your CV to mattchristmas@chezbruce.co.uk

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

ARE YOU JOB HUNTING? Visit tntjobs.co.uk for vacant positions in all industries across the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

At tntjobs.co.uk you’ll find out how to land your perfect job, an A-Z list of employers, job alerts, career news and information, visa advice and details of recruiters.

JOBS.CO.UK Solving your recruitment problems!

tntjobs.co.uk FAT TIRE BIKE TOURS T: +33.1.56.58.10.54 fattirebiketours.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Tour Guide/Office Staff Location: Paris, France Salary: €9-10/hr

We are an Anglophone tourism company providing bike, segway, walking and museum tours of Paris.

We’re looking for energetic and hard-working staff to join us in 2013.

Candidates must have 2 years of university, an exceptional personality, superb speaking skills, adaptability, an interest in international travel, and a large smile.

Simon Burke | +33.1.56.58.10.54 | apply@fattirebiketours.com

LOCAL DELI T: 020 8878 1898

JOB OF THE WEEK: Shop Assistants Location: South London Salary: Depending on experience 2 experienced shop assistants urgently wanted in Local Deli.

Part time/Full time.

Good wages for the right person.

Emory | 020 8878 1898

EVOLVE HOSPITALITY

JOB OF THE WEEK: Experienced Silver Service Staff,

T: 020 7397 1265 www.evolvehospitality.co.uk

Waiters and Waitresses, Chef de Parties and Pastry Chefs

Evolve Hospitality specialises in supplying staffing solutions to the Hospitality and Catering industry. We believe in evolving the standards of service, be it in a Michelin-starred restaurant, a 5* hotel or an events venue.

Location: Central London Salary: £6.50 - £14 an hour depending on role Evolve Hospitality is looking to recruit with immediate start.

Please send your CV to symmone@evolvehospitality.co.uk and specify in the subject line what job you are applying for.

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY 40

JOBS

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

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LEVI’S DEAL This is a great week to buy XXXXXXXXX a new pair of jeans. Levi’s Xxxxxxxxxxx are offering up to 50 per cent off their range of XXXXXXXXX denim, jackets, tops and Xxxxxxxxxxx accessories online. Plus, you get free delivery on XXXXXXXXX orders over £100. Visit Xxxxxxxxxxx eu.levi.com to peruse the on sale items.

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Photos: Getty

LIKE TOASTED SANDWICHES? If the answer is yes, you’re in luck. Jarlsberg cheese is giving away a free sandwich toaster when you buy four packs of their product (the special ones with the offer on them).

Register your details and enter the codes from the packages on the website, jarlsbergtoaster.co.uk.

They will then send you a unique code to take into an Argos store and collect your new toaster.

CHEAP PIZZA When ordering your next pizza, do it with Domino’s online at dominos.co.uk.

If you use the code YGQTQWMQ when placing your selection, you’ll get a tasty £10 off – as long as you spend £30 or more. Phone orders aren’t part of this deal.

If I haven’t got any money, I won’t spend any money.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

Don’t drink. Or don’t drink so much. Being social costs, unfortunately, so get a few beers and sit in the park with your mates instead.

RUSSELL JAQUES, 30 JOB IT worker FROM Kent LIVES London How do you budget?

I spend money depending on how much I have earned

on overtime. If I do some overtime then I’ll probably get a bit crazy. But if I’m going on holiday I’ll save for that. My food bill is probably a lot because I eat quite a bit. In general, I keep it simple and just see how it is.

What was your last big blow-out?

In January, I took up American Football and bought all the gear – it was probably a grand.

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

Beer, I suppose.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Celebrity speed-shopping Taylor Swift reportedly splurged £50k in a five-minute spree in Portobello Road. She’s not the only big spender...

Swift spender

❚ Kim Kardashian and her mother also like to flex their plastic. They spent £62,000 on Hermes bags in one hit.

In case you’re wondering, they bought seven in total for that steep sum.

❚ will.i.am dropped an astonishing £4660 on Vivienne Westwood garb on one of his trips to London.

Allegedly, the cheeky chap convinced the staff to give him 50 per cent off.

❚ Justin Bieber may be just a grommet, but he knows how to shop it up. He recently forked out £1860 in G-Star, NYC, on jocks, jackets and jeans. Not bad for one shop.

❚ Beyonce supposedly spent a heart attack-inducing £62,000 on just some leggings and a bra top.

Why so steep? They were Balenciaga, darlings.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE 00

£4.

Designer drawers A clutter hider for messy people tigerstores.co.uk

Park life Balham, SW12

.95

£39

WORDS PETTER LARSSON

Union Jack phone Big up Britain with this stylish dog and bone mysmartbuy.com

Balham, for so long considered up-andcoming, has now upped and come, finally stepping out from the shadow of its favoured neighbour, Clapham.

Though its ‘the new Notting Hill’ tag might be slightly overstating the case, an influx of indie traders and quirky hangouts is fast earning Balham a reputation as the hippest area south of the river.

Why Balham? .00

£10

Moustache corkscrew On-trend novelty bottle opener bouf.com

.99

£14

With great transport links, Balham is perfect for people who want easy access to London but don’t want to live in the middle of it.

Mark Bainbridge, a sales and lettings consultant at Samuel Estates in Balham, says: “It’s got a brilliant variety of bars and restaurants and that brings a nice community feel to it. There’s a good mix of independent shops and cafes as well – it’s not only chains.

There’s plenty to choose from.”

And with Clapham Common, Tooting Bec Common and Wandsworth Common all within walking distance, there’s plenty of green space to spend sunny days lazing on.

You know, those two we get annually.

Wandsworth Common: one of many green spaces get a slightly more mature person here, the type who’s maybe a bit fed up with living in Clapham, where it’s a bit busier and has more going on.”

Balham folk are probably smart spendthrifts, too, in that you get a lot more for your money here than in Clapham.

Where to hang out The Bedford (thebedford.co.uk) is a legendary 1830s pub, best known for its Banana Cabaret comedy club, a famed den of jollity for 25 years. The Bedford also offers up quiz nights, dance classes and live music, and hosted icons including U2 and The Clash back in the day.

Don’t move here if...

Party animals: venturing north of Aldwych for a night out can be a bit of a mission, as the only night bus that services Balham departs from Aldwych. Gah! Cake Pop machine Make a dozen yummy cakes in under 10 minutes bid.tv 42

The people “It’s a good mixture of young professionals and young families,” Bainbridge says. “You

The Exhibit (theexhibit.co.uk) has quickly become a Balham institution, comprising an American-themed diner, cinema, gallery and bar. Particularly popular are the dinner-anda-movie nights on Tuesday and Wednesday, when £15.90 gets you a cinema ticket and two courses. There’s also a recurring chicken

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MY AREA OLI DURHAM FINANCE 23

“Everything you could need is on your doorstep in Balham. You have bars, shops and the Tube, so it’s everything close by, and it’s cheaper than Clapham.“

ANDREA SIMONE

BARTENDER 24

wing-eating competition. For a chilledout evening, head to Balham Bowls Club (balhambowlsclub.com), which also does a mean Sunday roast in its cosy, hunting lodge-esque setting.

The connections As its on the Northern line, Balham is wellconnected to many vital London spots. Bank and London Bridge are only 20 minutes away. There’s also a National Rail station that takes you to Victoria in around 15 minutes, and the N155 night bus takes 30 minutes to get you home from Aldwych.

What can you rent?

Most properties are Edwardian or Victorian conversions and you can rent anything from studios to eight-bedroom houses.

Bainbridge says: “You get a lot of maisonettes where houses have been split into two, which is perfect for professional sharers who want their own space.

“You get the odd newbuild as well if you want NEXT WEEK something more modern, but there’s not that much London’s best gaming clubs space to squeeze them in around here, actually.”

“It’s good because it’s a residential area. You take your time here and there is no stress. My favourite place is Tooting Bec Common where I always go to get sun and relax.”

CECELINA TORNBERG

PHOTOGRAPHER

26

“Balham is great because it’s very close to central London with the Underground, but also close to pretty, green parks. Plus, it has a really good nightlife.”

SW12 INFO BOROUGH

Wandsworth COUNCIL TAX

£678.54 Band D TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: Marte Lundby Rekaa

20 mins ONE-BED FLAT £346pw

ONE-BED FLAT £328pw

ONE-BED FLAT £300pw

This big apartment in the Priory Building on Bedford Hill is charming.

The icing on the cake is the public and private gardens right outside the spacious reception room.

This contemporary period conversion is conveniently close to Wandsworth Common. It boasts skylights in the reception room, a large bedroom and a walk-in shower.

This stylish flat is a three-minute walk from Balham station. It has a modern open plan kitchen and a reception room with dining area, perfect for hosting dinners parties.

kfh.co.uk

kfh.co.uk

kfh.co.uk

TUBE

Northern and National Rail AVERAGE ROOM SHARE

£90ppw AVERAGE RENTAL 1 BED

£1260pcm AVERAGE RENTAL STUDIO

£823pcm

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WORLDVIEW

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High life: the jumpers

OVER 60S TAKE SKYDIVE PLUNGE AUSTRALIA A 74-year-old Queensland man and 12 other seniors leapt out of a plane in an Australian skydiving first.

The group accomplished the first sequential formation skydive by people over 60, jumping from 14,000ft above Toogoolawah, northwest of Brisbane.

The oldest, Gordon Turner, 74, said: “It went very smoothly. There’s some debate on whether we should all have a nap this afternoon! It’s a good advertisement for old people not to sit on the lounge chair, get out there.”

It was the first time a group of over 60s had performed the feat in Australia.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @spitzenprodukte Can someone please explain the difference between #PussyRiot conviction and #TrentonOldfield conviction? @JohnFugelsang Barack Obama should only present his original college records if Donald Trump presents his original scalp

LOST HUNTER HUGGED DOGS TO SURVIVE NEW ZEALAND A hunter survived getting lost in the remote area of Mount Allan for 24 hours by cuddling up to his dogs.

Douglas McGhie, 31, was found in the forestry block area in Dunedin after he went hunting for pigs with friends.

After catching one, the dog ran off, so McGhie went to look for it, taking a wrong turn and losing his pals.

When it got dark, he burrowed into a hill, cuddled his dogs and covered himself 44

Phone home?: BMX rider Lachlan Stewart re-enacts the iconic scene from Steven Spielberg movie ET during an unveiling of the ET waxwork at Madame Tussauds in Sydney. Berlin, Hollywood, London and Tokyo will all stage re-enactments to mark the 30th anniversary of the classic film

with baby pines. He started walking again at dawn, drank puddle water to quench his thirst, and eventually happened upon some rescue workers.

He said he was overwhelmed 90 people had searched for him by foot, 4WD, river, rail and air. McGhie added he would take a survival kit, food and water on pig hunts.

NIGHT ON THE COLD TILES: MORGUE MOTEL TASMANIA It’s enough to make your blood run cold: a developer is considering turning an old morgue into a hotel.

Guests could be spending the night on cold slabs once used

for autopisies if plans to redevelop Willow Court in Tasmania get the green light. The 1950s morgue, on a site which also housed a convict hospital from 1830, served psychiatric patients as well as the wider community before it was closed down 12 years ago.

Hadyn Pearce, the owner, said he hoped the hotel, which would use the pull-out fridges used to store bodies as beds, would “attract the unusual” and described the dissection table as “our main suite”.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 300

Weight, in stone, of 15ft thresher shark caught by skipper Chris Glaves 100 yards off the coast of Cornwall

Cutting edge: Wilby’s protest message

ARTIST NAILS RHINOPOACH PROTEST

15

SOUTH AFRICA Forget petitions, a South African artist is fighting the rhino-poaching epidemic by sending toenail clippings to the Chinese embassy.

In a YouTube clip, Mark Wilby lashes out at the “brutal ignorance and inhumanity being inflicted on the rhinoceros”.

Wilby highlights the killing of the beasts for their horns, which in some Asian countries are believed to have medicinal value as fever reducers and cancer cures.

A record 455 rhinos have been killed illegally in South Africa so far this year.

Wilby stuffed the clippings in an envelope and mailed them to the embassy in Pretoria. “Yes, it is disrespectful – but that concern pales next to the brutal ignorance and inhumanity being inflicted on the rhinoceros,” he said.

SHARKS CRANED TO NEW AQUARIUM

Photos: Getty; AAP

AUSTRALIA It was just like transporting goldfish to a new fish bowl, except these customers weighed 300kg each and had rows of sharp teeth.

In a six-hour operation involving two teams of divers, a crane and some giant plastic bags, three of Sydney Aquarium’s grey nurse sharks have been relocated to a new home.

Aquarist Amy Wilkes said the sharks were caught in super-sized plastic bags before they were removed from the water,

1522 FINAL World news.indd 45

Number of mourners that gathered at Berlin Zoo for the memorial to Knut the polar bear who died aged four

On the move: sharks get new home loaded on to a carrying device, winched by crane to their new tank and released.

“It was a very big operation, but it all went according to plan,” she said. “We had one team to catch the sharks, and one to receive them.” The three sharks, up to 3.2 metres long and weighing 300kg each, moved into their new 1.5 million-litre oceanarium with the help of 20 aquarists.

SEX BURGLARS CAUGHT ON FILM UNITED KINGDOM A couple caught doing the deed in a stranger’s flat were shamed when they were caught on camera.

Residents living in the apartment filmed the man and woman – who sneaked into an empty bedroom for a quickie – and put the clip on YouTube.

It was an awkward moment for the couple who had to do the walk of shame past five people after they had sex. The residents returned home from a party to find the strangers going at it.

The video has gone viral (and has now been taken down) and made it on the front page of thesun.co.uk. That’s embarrassing.

23

Amount of time, in years, skeleton of a man lay undiscovered in a house in France. He was still wearing his pyjamas

Sets of twins at one secondary school in Lincolnshire, breaking the previous British record of eight pairs

20

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Hey haters. Every min u are harassing me is another min u are distracted from spewing hate at people who are less resolute.

Haha.

God bless Russell Crowe takes aim at those attacking him on Twitter following his reported marriage split and endorsement of US president Barack Obama

26/10/12 15:49:37

AFTER PARTY

Meet the players ÂŁ5

tickets

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

British citizenship test fail: a lesson in ‘out of touch’

Photos: Getty *Answers: There’s a debate over whether its one third or a half; Clement Attlee

Questions for immigrants have no bearing on life in Britain

Take a look at this sample question from a British citizenship test: what proportion of the UK were killed by the Black Death? It’s multiple choice, so maybe that will help. Possible answers are a quarter, a third, half or three quarters.* Still stuck?

Don’t feel bad; I imagine only the most dedicated historian can claim to know.

Nevertheless, the Tories have got all hot and bothered because a Labour MP dared to point out the bleedin’ obvious: that most home-grown Brits know “bugger all” about British history, which makes it a tad galling immigrants are expected to learn this stuff to earn the key to the country. Sadiq Khan, a red and MP for Tooting, said the situation “frustrated” him, prompting Tory MP Mark Pritchard to huff: “If Labour want to scrap the citizenship test they should declare it openly.”

Truth is, anyone in their right mind should want to scrap the citizenship test in its current form, because it makes absolutely no sense. David Cameron announced he was overhauling Labour’s test last October, replacing questions about the laws of the land with a ‘Life in the UK’ exam, aimed at encouraging integration into society by putting “British history and culture at the heart of it”.

If there’s any better evidence that the Tories know zilch about the country they’re running, I’d like to see it. Because the idea that immigrants will better sew themselves into Britain’s social fabric by knowing the answer to, “Which British prime minister oversaw the introduction of the NHS?” (another genuine sample question*) is laughable.

Indeed, what the Tories are so insistent on teaching is more likely to set immigrants apart from British-born folks, as I’m confident in estimating 99 per cent of the latter would fail this test. David Cameron might be pleased with the idea of an army of immigrants in bowler hats quoting the Bard, but it would leave everyone outside of the Houses of Parliament scratching their heads. » Agree or disagree? Should immigrants learn British history? letters@tntmagazine.com

OURVIEW

Sadiq Khan finds the citizenship test “frustrating”

POWER TRIP ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT The news that cystic fibrosis sufferer Mark Barwell, carrying an oxygen tank and with tubes in his nose to help him breathe, was refused a ride on a London bus because the driver wouldn’t accept his £5 note, is no surprise.

Yes, the story is typical ‘what is the world coming to?’ tabloid fodder. But it’s also a great example of what bastards the capital’s bus drivers tend to be. We’ve all had that moment, right? When you’re running for the bus, you see the driver spot you in his wing mirror, and just as you’re almost at the doors, a film of sweat coating your forehead and your heart about ready

“

London bus drivers tend to be bastards

”

to bust out of your chest, the fucker pulls away, a sneer of contempt plastered across his piss-soaked-nettle-chewing face.

It’s sad when people who have so little power become maniacally obsessed with wielding the shred that they do have, but in Mark Barwell’s case, it can also be downright dangerous.

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To climb or not to climb?

The number of people scaling Uluru has dropped – so should there be a ban? WORDS CAROL DRIVER To the Anangu people, it’s a sacred rock which shouldn’t be climbed. To others, Uluru is a giant red landmark calling out for exploration. But figures this week show a decline in the number of people scaling the structure – fuelling the debate about whether it’s time for a total ban. While visitors aren’t prohibited from climbing the 348m-high rock, they are asked not to out of respect for the Aborigines – who jointly run the Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park with the government.

Findings released last week from a survey carried out in June show the number of tourists climbing Uluru has dropped to 20 per cent from 38 per cent in 2010 – a dramatic fall from the 74 per cent who admitted to scaling it in 1990.

Uluru’s traditional owners ask visitors not to climb for cultural, environmental and safety reasons – 36 people have died attempting the feat since 1958. Anangu elder Barbara Tijkadu explained: “That’s a really sacred thing that you are climbing. You shouldn’t climb. It’s not the real thing about this place. All the tourists will brighten up and say, ‘Oh I see.

This is the right way. This is the thing that’s right. This is the proper way: no climbing’.”

Margot Marshall, from Parks Australia, said they would consider a ban once they have more robust numbers, adding there would be a consultation with the tourism industry, which would be given at least 18 months’ notice.

Here, we get the views of an Aussie journalist who’s scaled Uluru, and a tour operator, who says it shouldn’t be climbed.

What do you think? letters@tntmagazine.com

Dominic Hughes: I’ve no regrets about climbing it I had the “to climb or not to climb” debate with my mate when we arrived at Uluru back in 1998. We had visited the cultural centre and heard all the Dreamtime stories about the rock and why it was sacred to the Aboriginal people.

My mate, an atheist, suddenly came over uncharacteristically spiritual, and suggested perhaps we shouldn’t climb it. It is 48

a pattern I have come to see over and over again. Perfectly rational people who have no time for traditional religious beliefs – of any kind – can become oddly respectful when it comes to the tribal beliefs of an ancient culture or other.

Here was a bloke who would be happy to relieve himself on the steps of any church, suggesting we should not climb a monolithic lump of rock because of a story that had about as much basis in reality as that of the tooth fairy. I mean, lovely story and all – but I’m not really buying it any more than I am Noah and his ark. But we have to respect the beliefs of others, you say. No, we don’t. We have to respect the rights

“

We don’t have to respect others’ beliefs

”

of others to believe whatever they want. And they have to respect our right to regard their beliefs as made-up stories.

I have no problem with people who say “this is sacred to me, so I choose not to do this”. I do have a problem with people who say “this is sacred to me, so you can’t do this”.

That, my friends, is a very slippery slope.

Right now, you’re probably doing things that don’t comply with other’s beliefs; eating meat, working on the Sabbath, driving a car, having sex out of wedlock, drinking alcohol... the list is long. I like that I live in a country where I’m free to choose to believe in whichever of these things I want, and free to ignore them all, too. I don’t see how Uluru and the mythology that surrounds it are any different. Trying to abide by the beliefs of everybody is a recipe for a dull life.

My mate agreed, and up we went. Climb it, or don’t climb it. It’s your choice, and I like having choices. I’ve no regrets about this one.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: vandalism on Uluru; the huge red landmark in all its glory; climbers descending the rock

Photos: Getty, AAP, Dominic Hughes

Robert Cowan: Respect Uluru’s traditional owners The type of people who climb Uluru are the sort who fly directly into Uluru airport, they stay at five-star resorts at the base of the rock and all they want to do is scale the rock.

As a tour operator (The Rock Tour, therocktour.com.au), we have a different stance. We have a responsibility to respect the traditional owners of Uluru, the Anangu people.

Not only does that include telling Dreamtime stories, but also going that step further and explaining that they ask that you don’t climb their rock.

Therefore, we don’t promote the climb on our brochures or website. We actually promote the non-climb of Uluru which is respecting the traditional owner’s requests and that is how we’ve always done business.

Our guides spend the first two days of our tour explaining to people why it’s culturally insensitive to climb the rock.

That’s why we take guests to Kings Canyon and The Olgas, and then visit the Aboriginal cultural centre before going to the base of the climb.

We do the Mala walk, which goes from the base of the climb to Kantju Gorge. It tells the Mala tale – the Dreamtime story that explains why Uluru is a sacred site to the Aboriginal people. Along here there are signs everywhere saying not to climb.

Those are the cultural reasons, and the other reason is that the climb is closed about 60 per cent of the time due to rain, heat, wind, or because someone has fallen off and killed themselves.

That’s our angle on it, and should a ban on climbing Uluru be enforced, it won’t make a difference to us – but it will have an impact on the higher-end market.

We’ve had a stance on the climb since day one. The owners of our company have never climbed Uluru, neither have our tour guides and we hope that our passengers will respectfully not climb the rock.

HAVE YOUR SAY SHOULD CLIMB BE BANNED? We opened up this question to our Facebook fans – here’s the response. Head to P16 for more.

Alessandra Castiglia: Uluru is a sacred spot for the Aboriginal people, so why don’t we just respect it and take a walk around it instead?

Kieran Stone: It’s a rock, a mountain, it isn’t different from any other. I was disgusted when I saw signs asking people not to climb it. It is a natural thing that will be there long after humans. If native Australians built it themselves, then I’d be all for the ban.

Maria Mysterio: Maybe I should go and find some ancient, cool-looking giant rock, claim it as sacred and then ban the world from enjoying my rock.

Tahly Ennis: I don’t think people should climb it if it means damaging the rock. It definitely should be preserved for future generations.

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SPORTNEWS

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Clean: Evans’ view on cycling

EVANS: WE’VE MOVED ON FROM DOPING CYCLING Tour de France champ Cadel Evans has told fans cycling is in its “best years”, despite the negativity coming from the Lance Armstrong scandal.

“The events being uncovered mostly occurred seven or more years ago, among a minority of those involved in a sport which has already changed and moved on,” he said, adding the high-profile stripping of titles from drug cheats, such as Armstrong, were “driving forces behind major changes in cycling”.

Evans says cycling now rewards hard work, preparation and ability: “For those who are disappointed, do not despair, do not abandon us, we are in our best years.”

DUNADEN ON TRACK FOR MELBOURNE CUP RACING

French-trained Dunaden is favourite to win back-to-back Melbourne Cups even though he’ll now carry 58kg after last week’s stellar Caulfield Cup victory.

The next leading contender for the AU$6.2m, 3200m race on Nov 6 is 2010 winner Americain, also from France.

“At the moment I think the French have the upper hand,” said legendary Englandbased Italian trainer Luca Cumani, whose Mount Athos will also run in the Cup.

FEDERER IS DOWN UNDER’S TOP SPORT TENNIS

The most popular sports person in Oz for the third year running is Swiss tennis ace Roger Federer. He topped the gemba Asset Study poll, which was filled with world beaters who do their talking on the field, court and track.

50

Is this a glimpse of the future? Aussie Casey Stoner, 27, will retire from MotoGP after the final race of the season in Valencia, Spain, on November 11. Ahead of his home Phillip Island Grand Prix at the weekend, where a turn on the track was named in his honour, the two-time world champ went fishing at the Rhyll Trout and Bush Tucker Farm

Retired Test bowler Glenn McGrath was second, ahead of Spanish tennis star Rafael Nadal, former Test skipper Ricky Ponting, cyclist Cadel Evans and current Test skipper Michael Clarke. The list’s top woman was US Open winner Sam Stosur.

MUNDINE DITCHES SONNY BEFORE FIGHT BOXING Trainer Tony Mundine has dumped All Black Sonny Bill Williams on the eve of his Nov 24 fight against 44-year-old South African Francois Botha.

Mundine said he couldn’t train Williams due to a dispute between his son Anthony and Khoder Nasser, Williams’ promoter and Anthony’s former manager: “My son had a blue with Khoder so that’s the end to it.”

“He’s got plentyFOR of ability...

I wish him BIG WEEK well. I just can’t be involved Western Khoder isBulldogs involvedskipper in Matthew Boyd is about as fight good an ambassador for has ‘White Buffalo’ Botha Aussie footyfias lost hisRules last three ghts. you’ll get. The on-baller is his team’s leader and best and fairest for last season, in which he remarkably played every brutal match and topped the league’s disposals count for the second year running. His side takes on Port Adelaide Power at Kia Oval on Saturday, bringing AFL back to London for the first time since 2006. If anyone is going to show the world what makes the sport a beauty, it’s this bloke.

while the

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK It is the most boring moment. Races are quite bad and it is very difficult to stay awake MotoGP rider Valentino Rossi – maybe he’d have more fun if he won a race this year

Robin van Persie, left, is finding form for Fergie

PREVIEW VAN PERSIE TAKES ON THE GUNNERS EPL: MANCHESTER UNITED V ARSENAL

SAT, 12.45PM, SKY SPORTS 1 It’s early doors but it looks like Robin van Persie made the right choice, ditching Arsenal for the Red Devils.

The Gunners are in strife, languishing not just below the top clubs they expect to be matching but behind Fulham, West Ham and West Brom, too. A low point was their 1-0 loss to lowly Norwich City at home.

While Arsene Wenger’s search for a proper striker to replace the Dutch wizard continues in vain, van Persie is starting to

look like a kid in the playground up front with Wayne Rooney – it’ll be scary when they actually click.

Neither team is setting Europe alight, though, with Arsenal losing to FC Schalke and Man U doing their best to lose before the 3-2 comeback win against Portuguese SC Braga in the Champions League.

It all makes this weekend’s clash the more enticing – Arsenal need to start a big run now to have the slightest chance of making Europe next year, while Alex Ferguson’s Man U can’t let Chelsea slip any further away at the top of the table.

THE CHAT | Kiwi wants to be a Wallaby

It’s a shame cycling is being dragged through this, not a shame that he’s been caught… when you get older you start to realise Father Christmas doesn’t exist and it is the same with Lance [Armstrong] Brit Bradley Wiggins again tells it like it is better and more entertainingly than most

If English [Premier League] clubs ever had a salary cap, I’d look at buying one Almost Liverpool owner Robert Kraft, whose New England Patriots NFL team played in London on Sunday

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

BASEBALL Is Mike Harris, the Wallabies fullback who’s Q been a star with the boot, Australian or what?

After the 24-year-old kicked five from five in a draw with A the All Blacks, NZ coach Steve Hansen fired up: “It’s time you developed your own players in your own country,” he said.

He had a point as Harris is basically a Kiwi, except he qualifies for Oz through his grandmother. But after moving to the Qld Reds because he couldn’t get a run in his former home, he got picked for Australia. ARU boss John O’Neill was less diplomatic, saying Hansen spoke “without reviewing New Zealand’s history for fielding players born outside their borders”. Harris said he’s comfortable with his choice: “If New Zealand had offered me a Super Rugby jersey things might have been different.”

World Series Game four and five (of seven, if needed) Mon & Tues, 2pm, ESPN

FOOTBALL Capital One Cup Man U v Chelsea round four action Wed, 7pm, Sky Sports 1

CRICKET Hong Kong Sixes Harris: “I’m Aussie, bro”

Six-on-six hit and giggle highlights Wed, 7.30pm, Sky Sports 3 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Best of the best The top Test nations are battling for supremacy on two continents in November/December WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Four of the leading Test cricket nations are in a shoot out from this coming month for the world number one ranking, with South Africa in Australia for a three-match series and England packing their sunscreen for four five-dayers in India.

Formidable South Africa arrived in Oz at the weekend and go into the series strong favourites, with four of the world’s top seven batsmen and the two best fast bowlers. Alastair Cook’s England face an India whose run of away Tests has seen them drop to fifth, but they’re a different story on their ‘personalised’ wickets – Steve Waugh called going there the “final frontier” for a reason. If England roll India on the subcontinent, no one would begrudge them their premier status back. But they’ll need Aussie assistance – if the Saffas win, they stay top. Michael Clarke’s got two of his best batsmen near retirement and exciting but injury-prone quicks. Just about any combination that involves Australia beating South Africa means they’ll leap-frog England to supremacy. It’s all to play for – let’s see how they stack up.

The skippers OZ/SA: Saffa chief and opener Graeme Smith is a “great leader with the bat,” says former England captain Michael Vaughan. Smith’s also the most capped skipper ever and is SA’s second-highest ever run scorer. His teammate Hashim Amla says he’s an “inspiration”. Clarke is the only captain to have scored a double and a triple century in the same series and is by far Australia’s most reliable with the bat, ranked number six in the world. “What Michael has done as a captain and a player so far has been of a very high quality,” says Ricky Ponting, who stood aside for his protégé to take over.

ENG/IND: Cook’s first series as full-time captain will be in a country his team hasn’t won a series in for nearly 30 years.

He’s telling his newbies – Joe Root and Nick Compton, who are vying to replace retired captain Andrew Strauss – to “enjoy the moment”. He did in 2006, scoring 60 and 104 not 52

out in his Test debut in India. His opposite is ‘Captain Cool’, the world’s richest cricketer and his country’s ringleader in all forms of the game – keeper MS Dhoni is a force, and India’s most successful captain at home with 14 Test wins there.

With the bat OZ/SA: A world team based on ICC rankings would have Amla (2), Jacques Kallis (4) and AB De Villiers (5) in it, and that’d leave out Smith, who’s number seven in the world.

“It will be very important for Australia to get wickets early,” Glenn McGrath says with the insight of a fast bowler.

Australia’s stable is not imposing – Clarke and Ponting are the linchpins, David Warner and Shane Watson are the spark and Michael Hussey the safety net. Matthew Wade is now settled as the first choice keeper. Opener Ed Cowan says if you do well against South Africa you’re “a high quality player”. He’s the only one with something to prove.

ENG/IND: Jonathan Trott could replace Strauss as an opener, but doesn’t want to: “Number three is my preference, but we’ll just have to wait and see.” A rookie to partner Cook at opener, with Ian Bell in good nick and Kevin Pietersen – number 10 in the world and along with Clarke the best at playing spin – back after textgate, they have frailties amid strength. India is struggling to replace legends Raul Dravid and VVS Laxman, and Virat Kohli’s the only youngster to show he’s a gun for the future. Fading Sachin Tendulkar’s still their best. They’ll need more Dhoni and Virender Sehwag.

With the ball OZ/SA: Steady Peter Siddle and Ben Hilfenhaus lead the Oz march ahead of young firebrands James Pattinson, Mitchell Starc and, when he’s fit, Pat Cummins. For SA, quick Dale Steyn is among the best ever, and Vernon Philander is second in the world behind him now. Morne Morkel and Kallis would make any team in the world. “We are underdogs,” Pattinson says.

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Clockwise: Aussie skipper Michael Clarke; England’s Kevin Pietersen is back; and Indian ace Virat Kohli

“There is not as big an expectation on us to do well as there is on them.” Neither team has a strong spinner at their disposal.

ENG/IND: Anywhere else in the world England’s attack would be light years ahead of India’s, who rely heavily on Zaheer Kahn for new ball penetration. But this is India, where Dhoni places orders for spin-friendly pitches like it’s a take-out menu.

India says they want to prepare more “sporting” wickets, but it’s no accident that when they became world number one they had played a string of matches at home. Expect to see a lot of Ravi Ashwin or Pragyan Ojha. England has one of the world’s best spinners in Graeme Swann, though.

The old boys OZ/SA: The best all-rounder going and arguably the best ever, Kallis wants to win the 2015 World Cup – it’ll be a 40th birthday present. Aussie veterans Ponting and Hussey, both 37, aren’t going anywhere, either. ‘Punter’ crushed 162 not out against present or former Test bowlers for Tasmania last week. Hussey’s still got the fire: “It took me 10 years to get me one (Test) game. I‘m sure I’ll know when the time is right.”

ENG/IND: The only man with more Test runs than Ponting is Tendulkar, 39. He isn’t what he once was, but India still need him. Would a home win against England be a fitting farewell for a career that started in 1989 as a 16-year-old?

The coaches

Photos: Getty

OZ/SA: Aussie coach Mickey Arthur led his native SA for five years: “I know what makes them tick," he says.

ENG/IND: Bizarrely, both coaches are from Zimbabwe. India’s Duncan Fletcher has an edge on Andy Flower – he was at the helm of England when they won their first Ashes series victory in 18 years in 2005. Pietersen's the only player left, though.

Australia v South Africa Nov 9, 22 & 30. First session 12am. India v England Nov 15 & 23, Dec 5 & 13. Sky Sports TV and BBC Radio

South Africa hold the Test no.1 mace

CHRISTMAS NO.1 THE RACE FOR THE MACE There’s no denying South Africa’s supremacy after they dismantled England at Lord’s and The Oval, but a slip up in Oz will see them fall from grace straight away.

Despite sitting third in the ICC’s list, the Aussies are in the box seat – any result of 2-1 or better against SA and England have to flog India 4-0 (four results on battingfriendly wickets will be a surprise and the bookies are giving the Poms no chance at 7/2 for a series win). If England achieve the impossible, the Saffas drop to third.

The way the ICC system works, these scenarios will send Australia back to the top: Oz 3-0, Eng 3-0; Oz 3-0, Eng 4-0; Oz 2-1, Eng 2-1.

South Africa stays top with any series win, regardless of England’s efforts in the subcontinent, and England and Australia will share the top spot if there’s an Oz 2-1, Eng 3-1; or Oz 2-0, Eng 4-0. England and Australia world number one and two for the Ashes 2013? It could happen.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Fashion victim: footballer Rio Ferdinand refused to wear the One Game, One Community ‘Kick It Out’ charity T-shirt

British football fans are setting an example to FIFA

Football bosses have undermined the broader fight against racism

» Is FIFA’s action on racial abuse good enough? letters@tntmagazine.com 54

Frankel disappeared from the racetrack and into the record books last week with a typically unflustered victory in the Champion Stakes at Royal Ascot.

Is he the greatest racehorse of all time?

For this racing fan, Sea The Stars has it by a nose, but that’s purely subjective. Frankel’s blistering pace, raw power and imperious stride will live long in the memory of everyone who saw him in full flight.

What Frankel’s stardom does for racing is show the outside world that it isn’t all about the betting. Few real punters will bother betting on a horse that’s 14/2 on, but absolutely every racing fan was

“

Racing deserved a horse like Frankel

”

gathered round a telly to watch the race unfurl. Frankel is one of those few horses to have transcended the sport, along with Down Under’s current superstar sprinter Black Caviar and Seabiscuit in the US. Racing has had a tough time of it of late, and deserves the fillip of Frankel’s undoubtable greatness.

Photo: Getty

It’s fairly seldom, as a home nations football fan, that one is afforded the opportunity to feel proud. Watching our under-performing sides meekly limp out of one major competition after another certainly has left us little reason to.

However, there is something for British football fans to feel proud about: their collective reaction to the recent race relations fallout has been exemplary by soccer’s standards.

Hearing those first sweet chants of “Luis Suarez, we know what you are,” wafting gloriously from the terraces was a real indication of the change in football culture that’s taken place over the last two decades. OK, I’ll concede, it may have manifested itself in a typically belligerent fashion, but who’d have ever thought that inferring someone is a racist would be an insult sung in football stands?

Across the football phone-ins, message boards and on social media in recent weeks there has been a broad consensus of condemnation regarding the John Terry saga and Serbia debacle. And while there have certainly been differing opinions about the merits of various cases, what’s remained constant is the implicit understanding that racism’s abhorrence is self-evident and has no place in our society, let alone football. What’s really stood out is the marked difference between the gravity the issue is given in the UK and, conversely, how ready the game’s governing bodies are to brush it under the carpet.

Whether it’s FIFA boss Sepp Blatter saying racism should be sorted out with a handshake or the pitiful fines doled out to national associations for racist incidents, it appears, as seems to be customary with sports’ governing bodies, they aren’t there to govern.

As FIFA has shown us time and again, many of sport’s larger governing bodies have become utterly preoccupied with making money for their sport. It’s in their financial interests not to care about racism, because if they admit it could be a problem, well that’s sure to scare off sponsors. And nobody wants to scare the sponsors.

FRANKEL: ONE OF THE GREATEST EVER

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

MONKEY BUSINESS Hindus dressed as deity Lord Hanuman during a procession for the religious Dussehra festival in Amritsar, India.

Photos: Getty. TNT, Thinkstock. Edoardo Albert

INSIDE

KING OF THE NORTH /60

BOYS VS GIRLS /68

AFRICAN ODYSSEY /74

Feeling macho? We brave the extreme weather of Northumberland to dig up human bones and old treasure.

Spas for girls? Beer and gambling for guys?

Nonsense. TNT busts convention with a whole new take on breaks with your mates.

Hiding from leopards, carving up the red dunes and hanging in tribal villages are all part of the adventure in Namibia.

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TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer

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Airborne adrenaline junkie

TRAVEL EDITOR

IT’S A STEAL This week, I want to know what stuff you’ve nicked from hotel rooms. I’ll go first. Loads of skinny ballpoints from a Sheraton, because they fitted perfectly into the slot of my notebook. The kind staff even replaced them every day, so I left with five. Thanks guys!

Toiletries, yep, goes without saying. I’m particularly fond of teeny nail files – big shout out to the Shangri La for having extra long-lasting ones. I’ve swiped fistfuls of pillow chocolates off chambermaid trolleys, and embarrassingly, once took home two miniature Tabasco bottles that arrived with room service. I don’t even like hot sauce, I just thought they were cute, so lobbed them straight into my case.

My biggest ever theft was from a really crap hotel – I won’t say where in case they track me down with a bill. It was a total revenge steal. I’d suffered a week of ants in the bathroom, thick cigar smoke drifting under the door, had to fend off a sleazebag concierge and been charged £7 for a bottle of Sprite. So that’s right, I hit them where it hurts and packed the waffle bathrobe.

Take that, suckers.

Over half of the UK women and almost two thirds of men surveyed by holidayextras.com this week say it’s wrong to help yourself to the contents of your room on holiday, even the bathroom goodies.

I know I’ve taken so much stuff over the years, they’ll probably put out an international warrant for my arrest if anyone official reads this.

But really – most people don’t take the toiletries? I just don’t believe it, so please ‘fess up! Write in and tell me what you think it’s OK to take home from a hotel room.

to helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

The snowy slopes of the Dachstein Glacier are just the backdrop for three days of the gnarliest snowboarding in Western Europe.

9-11 Daredevil competitors will be judged on their tricks, style and risk – and with £12,500 winnings at stake, you can be sure the cream of the international snowboarding crop will be pulling out all the stops to impress.

NOV

WHY: The Jam celebrates its 10th anniversary this year, and the contest will pit 60 qualifying men and 20 women against 22 invited professionals, so it’s bound to get intense. Don’t miss the legendary dubstep and hip-hop parties which are held throughout the event.

THOUGHT BUBBLE

Leeds, England

Leeds’ Thought Bubble fest aims to celebrate 11-18 “sequential art in all its forms”. This basically means all things comic-related, from Marvel and DC superheroes to the smallest publishers.

This year, Judge Dredd writer Al Ewing will be making an appearance.

NOV

thoughtbubblefestival.com

ANIMATED FILM FEST

Espinho, Portugal

This event, in the quaint coastal town of Espinho, 12-18 hosts hundreds of animators and this year will be showing the premiere of Le Tableau, Jean-François Laguionie’s story of a painting that sets out in search of its creator.

NOV

cinanima.pt

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DO IT BECAUSE: You might not know a ‘Frontside Rodeo’ from a ‘Japan Grab’, but watching someone contort themselves into unbelievable positions while riding a plank of wood has got to be up there with the best spectator sports. pleasurejam.com

CREAMFIELDS

Santiago, Chile

More than 20,000 fans are expected to descend on 9 Santiago as this gigantic dance festival hits South America.

Heavyweights David Guetta and Calvin Harris will be appearing, as will Argentinian DJ Guti who fuses electronic music with jazz and Latin.

NOV

creamfields.com

ELECTRIC DAISY FEST

Florida, US

Florida’s epic two-night festival is described as 9 an “immersive audio and visual production”. Interactive art installations, theatrical performers and carnival rides all feature, as well as sets

by Tiesto and Armin Van Buuren.

NOV

electricdaisycarnival.com/orlando

Photos: Thinkstock

Agree or disagree? Email your views (or a bill)

O’NEILL PLEASURE JAM Austria

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TOP CITIES FOR 2013 San Francisco has been named the best city to visit in 2013 by Lonely Planet’s Best In Travel 2013 guide, for its “explosive street-art scene, dozens of raucous festivals and photogenic backdrop”. Closer to home, Derry came in fourth on the list. The Irish city has just undergone an “impressive” redevelopment, says the guide, and as 2013’s UK City of Culture, has heaps of events planned for the upcoming year. Lonely Planet’s Tom Hall said: “Derry is a brilliant example of a city that has bounced back from difficult times.

This is a city with heart, which shines through in its exciting arts and music scene.” Sri Lanka was tipped as the hottest country to visit next year.

WRECKING THE BUZZ

Photo: Thinkstock

TRAVELNEWS

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Is there anything more fist-bitingly humiliating than having a complete stranger examine your favourite sex toy in public? Probably not.

But that’s exactly what happens to numerous Brits each year, when guards check their hand luggage at the security gates. Vibrators topped the list of most embarrassing items uncovered at customs, with Viagra pills, porn and BDSM equipment all making the top 10. According to a new survey by myvouchercodes.co.uk, it seems as though cheeky Brits have been so busy planning their dirty weekends that 38 per cent ‘forgot’ what they had packed.

Located in the heart of Berlin’s young and trendy district of Prenzlauer Berg our hostel offers you the ideal mix of affordable accommodation and attractive ambience.

Most of our modern and functional single, double and triple rooms are fitted with a customizable colour-lighting, securing a relaxed and individual atmosphere.

‘WORST AIRLINE’ FAIL The ‘world’s worst airline’ has launched its first online booking service. State-owned North Korean airline Air Koryo is the only carrier in the world with just one star according to the ranking service Skytrax – a rating which is reserved for airlines that offer a “very poor quality performance”. And it seems this has extended to the carrier’s brand-new website (airkoryo.com.kp/en). It promises “easier, quicker, reliable booking and ticketing services,” but users have already complained of slow response speeds, and frequent error messages appearing on the screen, reports The Telegraph.

BERLIN

AURORA HOSTEL Pappelallee 21, 10437 Berlin (Prenzlauer Berg)

Phone: +49 (0)30 46 99 55 30 www.aurora-hostel.com

GET A REFUND If your flight is delayed by more than three hours, you can now expect to receive some cash back, according to new legislation. British Airways and easyJet, among other carriers, opposed a ruling in 2009 that passengers on flights starting or ending in Europe should be compensated if they are substantially delayed.

But last week the European Court of Justice upheld the ruling. Except in“extraordinary circumstances” that are out of the control of the airline, such as strikes or bad weather, delayed customers can now claim back a fixed amount of money. Sounds like a win to us. .

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Brave the chilly winds at desolate Bamburgh beach

Northumberland

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

SCOTLAND EDINBURGH Northumberland

ENGLAND

ENGLAND

Visit the best fish and chip shop in the region.

Neptune Restaurant does a mean cod and chips, with a pot of tea and bread and butter for just £7.95.

Can’t argue with that. neptunefishandchips.co.uk

LONDON

GETTING THERE Take the train from London King’s Cross to Chathill from £107 return. nationalrail.co.uk

The Copper Kettle Tearooms in Bamburgh cooks its home-prepared food, such as seafood platters and ploughman’s lunches, fresh each day. Mains from £4.95. copperkettletearooms.com A good pint can be had at the Castle Inn in Bamburgh, where the scenic backdrop is hard to beat. Pints from £3. castleinnbamburgh.co.uk Local pubs can be insular, but the Victoria Hotel is friendly and has free wifi. Pints from £3.40. victoriahotel.net Up the coast from Bamburgh, Pot-A-Doodle Do Wigwam Village provides accommodation in wooden wigwams or yurts. From £15pppn. northumbrianwigwams.com

Clockwise from here: puffins on Farne Islands, Bamburgh Castle excavations, wildlife snapshots and Ad Gefrin’s Iron Age remains 60

The living quarters at St Cuthbert’s House, a renovated 200-year-old chapel, are considerably more luxurious.

Their locally sourced breakfasts are wonderful. From £90pn for a double room. stcuthbertshouse.com

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UKTRIP

King of the North Feeling macho? Brave Northumberland’s extreme weather to dig up human bones and old treasure

Photos: Frances Whitehead, British Tourist Authority, TNT Images, Gail Johnson/Visit Northumberland.com

WORDS EDOARDO ALBERT

I’m standing on a mile of pristine, deserted beach. Bamburgh Castle broodily overlooks the shore, hills fringe the horizon and I wonder why on earth a place as ruggedly beautiful as Northumberland is the most sparsely populated county in England. Then a vicious wind starts to blow. Ten minutes later, I’m sandblasted from the beach. Ah, so that’s why few brave these parts, I think.

With only 63 people per square kilometre, this county is the nearest you’ll get to true wilderness south of Scotland.

A typical day can bring weather that should belong to all four seasons – be prepared for sunshine, Ice Age chills, or sea fog so thick you can’t see the hand in front of your face.

It’s no wonder the Romans decided enough was enough when they reached Northumberland at the turn of the millennium and, by building the defensive Hadrian’s Wall here, turned the county into borderland. I’m here to find out more about the history of this spectacular place, and there’s no better way to do that than digging it up. So I’ve signed on to do just that with the Bamburgh Research Project. The BRP is an ongoing archaeological project, open to volunteers, excavating in and around Bamburgh Castle in the hopes of learning more about medieval Northumbria.

The castle squats on a huge great hunk of dolerite, an outcrop of the Great Whin Sill – a particularly scenic natural feature of the North Pennines – that formed 295 million years ago when magma squeezed between two layers of softer rock and set hard. Since then, the soft rock has been eroding away, and outcrops of the Great Whin Sill form some of the key landscape of the north, including the High Force waterfall in Durham and the Farne Islands, which lie just a couple of miles out from Bamburgh. Accessible by boat from quaint fishing village Seahouses, a trip here gives you a glimpse of a clucking, hissing cornucopia of life as the islands are home to puffins, guillemots, more than 20 other species of birds and grey seals.

In the grounds of the castle, Paul Gething, co-founder and co-director of the BRP, sits back on his haunches and explains to the volunteers what we need to look – and listen – for as we excavate. “You can tell by the sound your trowel makes what you’re digging through. Grit is hard and clacking, sand is abrasive and scraping, clay produces a smooth hiss,” he says. Among the amateur archaeologists are students gaining

credits for archaeology degrees, a 70-year-old inspired by Time Team and those spurred on by what Paul dramaticaly calls “the raw power of the past”.

Most of the volunteers spend the week roughing it with the archaeologists at a nearby campsite. They judder in to the castle each morning in a bumpy Land Rover before spending the day digging with increasingly finely graded implements, sifting excavated materials through flotation tanks, and tagging and bagging the day’s finds: pottery, Northumbrian coins, and even exquisite pieces of gold jewellery. My own finds are Iess pretty – I end up gingerly

“

I gingerly scrape sand from a human bone

”

wielding a toothbrush to scrape sand from human bones in a rediscovered graveyard.

After my week of archaeological teamwork, I’m craving more solitude, so I head inland to the lee of the Cheviot Hills, a range straddling the England-Scotland border, in Ad Gefrin. Looming over Ad Gefrin, the conical hill of Yeavering Bell is a reminder of the great powers of the past. During the Iron Age, a fort was built on top of this hill by what would have been one of the greatest chieftains in the land. Its tumbledown stone ramparts still crown the summit, but now even the chieftain’s name is lost and his people long gone.

As I stand on the summit, I rub my aching legs and think that our ancestors must have had thighs like bloody tree trunks.

I also realise I haven’t seen another human being all day.

But that’s Northumberland: England’s last wilderness.

NEXT WEEK

Join the BRP from £171 per week bamburghresearchproject.co.uk Northumbria: The Lost Kingdom, coauthored by Edoardo Albert, is out now thehistorypress.co.uk

Snowdonia: we take on this mountainbiking mecca

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LATEDEALS

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A two-night trip to Amsterdam costs just £93pp with easyJet

DEAL OF THE WEEK BARCELONA BREAK

£169

A three-night trip to Barcelona with Travelbag (travelbag.co.uk; 0871 7034240). Includes return flights and three-star B&B accommodation at the Rialto hotel. Departs London Gatwick on December 1.

< £250

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EUROPE A seven-day tour costs £310pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Includes fourand three-star accommodation, some meals, visits to Dubrovnik, Budapest, Montenegro and more. Departs May 12 and 26, 2013. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by November 4.

INDONESIA An eight-day tour of Lombok is £468pp with Intrepid Travel (intrepidtravel.com; 0844 4998487). Includes visits to Ubud, Mount Rinjani and Gili Air. Includes accommodation and some meals.

Excludes flights. Departs Ubud November 17. Book by November 14.

COSTA DEL SOL Seven nights is £270pp with lowcostholidays.com (0844 3722399). This beach holiday in southern Spain includes flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at VIK Gran Hotel. Departs London Gatwick on November 11.

> £500 NEW YORK Three nights costs £565pp with lowcostholidays.com (0844 3722399). Includes flights and four-star, room-only accommodation at NH Jolly Madison Towers, Manhattan.

Departs Heathrow on November 15.

EUROPE A 30-day tour is £1395pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 099 8852). Includes some meals, four- and three-star accommodation, visits to Paris, Berlin and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by November 4.

Departs April 26, May 10 and 24, 2013.

THAILAND Eight nights in Koh Samui costs £899pp (four nights free) with Flight Centre (0844 800 8624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 2414176. Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Centara Villas, based on two sharing. Departs London Heathrow.

Valid for travel November 1-December 3.

Offer ends November 15.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

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MARRAKECH A two-night trip costs £221pp with easyJet (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes return flights and five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at Kenzi Club Agdal. Departs London Gatwick on December 11.

BARCELONA Return flights cost £132pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 2291521. Valid for travel from March 1 to June 30.

Book by November 14.

AMSTERDAM A two-night break costs £93pp with easyJet (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel Nieuw Slotania. Departs London Southend on November 13.

EGYPT A nine-day tour costs £194pp (save 50 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes five- and four-star accommodation, some meals, visits to Cairo, the Pyramids, Temple of Kom Ombo and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Departs December 24. Book by November 4.

BERLIN A two-day tour costs £104pp with easyJet (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com).

Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at Ivbergs Premium hotel. Departs London Gatwick on November 20.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Character Capturing someone’s character within a portrait can help bring out their essence. To photograph a person or an animal’s character, there are a few helpful tips to consider. Getting to know your subject is a good place to start – pick out their idiosyncrasies and plan how you will frame them.

You want to take your portrait

further than the normal snapshot, so start by shooting their face in full, isolating them from the rest of the setting. Gradually bring in other elements such as their clothing and the background to contextualise the scene. A zoom lens is a great tool. It will allow you to capture the same moment at various focal lengths.

WINNER SQUIRREL Roslyn Wood, Australia

WHY IT WORKS This is a great wildlife shot as it gets in close and personal. Every detail on the creature’s head can be seen down to the soil stuck to its nose and the speckled fur on the head. Surrounded by the green grass and fallen autumn leaves of Regent’s Park, the squirrel hunts around for food in preparation for the winter. Maybe being in a busy city park, this squirrel is less wary of humans than her countryside pals.

RUNNER-UP RESTING UP Bryn Williams, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS This camel is taking a long-earned rest after carrying tourists through the Sahara Desert in Morocco. He takes full advantage of being left to his own devices by doing nothing, while his handlers and passengers make their way to have lunch at the nearby oasis. Lying out on the ground you can see that his body, neck and head get as close to the floor as possible. This is one worn-out creature!

A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

RUNNER-UP

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com).

Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

SCARY HOLIDAYS

CHECKING IN

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XOCHIMILCO, MEXICO

BEACH ROTANA OVERVIEW The mammoth Beach Rotana, with its collection of bars and restaurants and huge beach club, is a something of a social hub in Abu Dhabi. During the day residents and tourists pile through the doors to take advantage of the hotel’s sprawling sands for a spot of sunbathing, or to take a lesson in the likes of wakeboarding or waterskiing from one of the on-site instructors. By night, the Beach Rotana’s Indian, Italian, German and seafood restaurants are always packed, giving the hotel plenty of atmosphere and buzz. None of these dining options is particularly cheap, but the hotel frequently runs happy hour deals, ladies’ nights and meal offers, so it’s always worth asking the concierge what’s on when you stay. The service here can be overly formal, to the point of feeling robotic, but staff are generally eager to help out.

WOW FACTOR Zen The Spa in the hotel’s basement offers a range of decadent massages and remedies, from luxurious facials to the bonkers rasul mud treatment, which involves up to six people getting slathered in the brown stuff together – intimate is an understatement.

ROOMS Poky, and the furnishings look about a decade out of date.

BILL, PLEASE A standard double costs from £115pn.

10th Street, Tourist Club Area, Abu Dhabi rotana.com

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Forget the daft carved pumpkins and witches hats doing the rounds in London this week. That’s just kid’s stuff. If you want to give yourself a serious scare, pack your bags and visit one of the most bone-chillingly creepy places in the world.

Island of the Dolls, or ‘La Isla de la Munecas’ in Spanish, is the stuff nightmares are made of. Abandoned toys are creepy enough at the best of times, but this place south of Mexico City takes doll horror to a whole new level, with plastic heads, rotting bodies and stray chubby limbs hanging from every tree branch.

You’d be excused for assuming you’ve stumbled on to an old slasher film set when you see this bloodcurdling spectacle, but the reality is far more terrifying.

The story begins in the 1920s, when a young girl drowned in the nearby canal’s murky waters. Residents said her spirit refused to leave the island, so they abandoned the area. But 30 years on, a hermit called Don Julian Santana, unfazed by the rumours, moved there.

The tale goes that the little girl’s ghost began to haunt him, constantly weeping that she was lonely and had nothing to play with. So Santana began collecting old dolls and hung them on the trees for her. He became more and more obsessed with his ‘job’, at one point selling fruit and vegetables he’d grown so he could buy more dolls.

In 2001, Santana was found dead in the same canal the little girl drowned in – bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Now he’s gone, the Island of the Dolls has become a sinister tourist attraction, with visitors saying the dolls move their heads and limbs at night, even when there’s no breeze, and sometimes even mysteriously move positions. Spooky stuff, indeed.

If you’re twisted enough to want to go, it’s a hell of a mission. To get there, you need to travel to the Xochimilco borough of Mexico City, get a taxi to the Cuemanco landing, and then hire a boat. But if the most horrifying experience of your life is what you’re after, it’ll be worth it. visitmexico.com

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TRANSYLVANIA, ROMANIA

Gloomy skies? Imposing turrets? The odd bat flapping around? Must be the castle of... DRACULAAAA! Well, sort of. It’s claimed that Bran Castle belonged to Count Dracula, aka Vlad The Impaler, who Bram Stoker’s famously fangtastic novel about the bloodsucking vampire was based on.

Actually, Vlad only lived here as a guest for a short time, but this is still a spooky castle, so let’s not let historical fact get in the way of a good scare. bran-castle.com

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

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SCARY HOLIDAYS

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AOKIGAHARA, JAPAN

If you go down to the Aokigahara woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. A body hanging from a tree branch, for example, or the crunch of bones underfoot.

Also known as Suicide Forest, there have been more than 500 suicides here since the Fifties. A controversial bestseller published in 1993, called The Complete Suicide Manual, recommends Aokigahara as the perfect place to die.

Copies of the book are apparently often found near the corpses. jnto.go.jp

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TOP FIVE

PARIS, FRANCE

The remains of six million people can be found in the Paris Catacombs, an underground ossuary where skulls are stacked from floor to ceiling. Macabre isn’t the half of it.

Bones are arranged in sinister patterns – one wall sports a love heart shape made of skulls, carefully surrounded with shin bones, while another room has a central pillar of bones built to look like a beer keg. Weird. catacombes-de-paris.fr

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SALEM, US

The Witch House is the last remaining building with a direct connection to the 17th-century Salem witch trials – it was the home of judge Jonathan Corwin, who famously sent 19 innocent women to the gallows.

A wave of accusations of witchcraft swept this Massachusetts town in 1692, with a number of women subjected to bizarre examinations and accused of being proponents of the dark arts. In addition to those executed, five more died in prison.

NEXT WEEK Crazy shopping malls: retail therapy gone wild

witchhouse.info

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TRAVELTIPS

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The ‘Fairy Chimneys’ in Cappadocia, Turkey, are spectacular in the snow

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AIRPORT LOUNGE VOUCHERS WORTH £60

If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free wi-fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate.

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YOU ASKED FOR IT...

LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning a weekend city break Q I’m and have heard good things about Marrakech, but I’m not sure what there is to do there beyond shopping. Do you have any must-sees you can recommend?

Emma, via email

planning to travel to Turkey for Q I’m Christmas and New Year. Where would be good to see its festive side at this time of year? Also, where would you suggest I visit outside of Istanbul?

Murray, via email isn’t a conventional choice for a A Turkey festive break. Firstly, as a Muslim country,

‘Beautiful Palace’ or Bahia Palace, a masterpiece of gilded, inlaid woodwork and carved stucco that took over 14 years to create. If that isn’t enough opulence, check out Yves Saint Laurent’s Jardin Majorelle. The world-famous fashion designer gifted this stunning garden of rare plants to the city. Afterwards, pop next door to the Museum of Islamic Art. The Saadian Tombs are housed here – they are among the most lavish in Morocco.

After all that exploring, treat yourself to a traditional Moroccan hammam. This involves a steam bath and skin-scouring scrub. Don’t bother with the overpriced, softie tourist options, go for try the cheaper spots preferred by Moroccans themselves, such as Hammam Bab Doukkala and Hammam Dar el-Bacha. You’ll get a much more authentic, rough and ready experience.

Shopping is certainly one of Marrakech’s biggest draws, but forget the department stores or any of the high street chains – it’s the souks where you’ll find the best buys. These areas are always buzzing and you can find everything from leather handbags to woven rugs and bright ceramics.

there won’t be many Christmas celebrations going on outside expat circles. If you’re hoping for a little winter sunshine to escape Britain’s chill, the temperatures won’t be warm enough for that either.

Those considerations aside, you have a couple of good options to make the most of the Christmas period. You could head to Cappadocia in the centre of Turkey, where you’ll have the opportunity to ski at Mount Erciyes. And if the weather permits, a magical sight is Cappadocia’s famous ‘Fairy Chimney’ rock formations after it’s been snowing.

Alternatively, Bodrum and Fethiye resorts along the south-west coast have pleasant harbours and excellent restaurants. Both destinations are also great places to delve into Turkey’s rich history. Fethiye is close to the magnificent Lycian Way, which snakes between stunning coastal views and ancient ruins.

Bodrum is just over three hours from Ephesus, one of Europe’s best preserved classical cities.

Do bear in mind that many tourist resorts close down in winter, so you might have to make do with a limited amount of restaurants and bars.

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GO ON, BOTTLE IT My girlfriends and I went on an amazing trip to Bottle Beach on Koh Phangan in Thailand a few years ago.

We stayed for a week, ate amazing seafood and drank cocktails every night – but we ended up spending less than £100 each! Everyone was really relaxed and friendly there and it’s still one of the most memorable holidays I’ve ever had. I’d go back in a second.

Kirsty Cannon, via email BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN My best ever proper blokey holiday was when I went to Latvia. We went to the annual Blonde Parade in Riga. It was me, my mates and hundreds of the most beautiful women I have seen in my entire life. Man holiday – win!

Clint Heine, via Facebook

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com.

If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice.

This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photo: Thinkstock

has a wonderful variety of A Marrakech sights. For culture, head to the aptly named

READERS’ TIPS ON SINGLE-SEX HOLS

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately?

Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world.

Files must be at least 500Kb.

MOSTAR, BOSNIA Christina Parnell-Harris, from New Zealand

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

DAVID SMITH, 27

SOPHIE MIR, 22

Birmingham, England

Paris, France

BEST My favourite trip was to Ghana, Africa. I went to see some family who own their own hotel there. It was such a unique and beautiful place.

Your most memorable travel experience?

I spent some time in Japan last summer. It was the most exotic trip I’ve ever taken in my life.

Hiroshima was my favourite place.

Best travel tip? I suggest travelling alone and not with an organisation. It’s the best way to adapt to the culture.

Weirdest travel experience? I went backpacking in Prague two years ago and we stayed at a tiny hostel. In the middle of the night, this extremely drunk American girl peed right on the floor in front of us.

WORST Definitely the holiday I took to Malta. The problem was that it’s such a small place and there really just wasn’t enough for us to do. We saw the whole island in one day and then were completely bored out of our minds for the rest of the trip. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

THE INSIDER

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT

RAJASTHAN TOUR This 14-day journey will introduce you to one of India’s most scenic provinces.

The two-week trip costs £1855pp with Travel Indochina (travelindochina.co.uk; 01865 268940), based on two sharing. Takes in wildlife, palaces and villages, as well as a night camping in the Thar Desert’s sand dunes. Excludes international flights.

Departs anytime.

ALEX BLUNT, Manager Intrepid My Adventure Store

My first ever big trip was the classic school-leavers’ roundthe-world journey: London, India, Australia, New Zealand, Cook Islands and California. There’s a reason why so many ‘first-timers’ do this route, it was bloody brilliant!

My most challenging travel experience was driving across Kazakhstan with friends, in a car that kept breaking down.

Great country, terrible roads.

My favourite place in the world is Norway – I go every other year. It’s easy to get to from the UK and has the most beautiful landscapes I’ve ever seen.

My guilty travel pleasure is watching a chick flick on longhaul flights. Perfectly acceptable!

I always pack too few pants.

My top travel tip is stop taking pictures the whole time, put your camera down and really appreciate the destination.

The next trip on my wishlist is a tour of Central America.

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Clockwise: Casino de Monte Carlo; a luxe ladies’ lager holiday; surfing in Costa Rica

Single-sex breaks THE WORLD

Clean up in Istanbul’s Turkish baths and, right, a relaxing natural spa treatment at Bedruthan Steps in Cornwall 68

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SHORTBREAK

Boys vs girls Spas for girls? Beer and gambling for guys? Nonsense. TNT busts convention with a whole new take on breaks with your mates WORDS HELEN ELFER

Does the idea of a single-sex holiday fill you with dread?

Perhaps you associate them with dirty hotel rooms covered in squashed beer cans, unclaimed underwear and empty pizza boxes – and that’s just the girly city breaks. It doesn’t have to be that way. We’ve given the most yawnsome, outdated blokey and girly holidays a wild and wicked revamp. Whether you want to sink into a steam bath, win a fortune on the punt, find bliss on a yoga retreat or go on a boozy bender, we’ve got a version that’ll suit you and your BFFs down to a tee – whether you’re a guy or gal.

The beer-guzzling weekender THE CLICHÉ: Lots of Carling. Location irrelevant. A few fisticuffs, a piss somewhere inappropriate and a hotel room left in such a state the housemaid quits on the spot.

FOR GIRLS: Pairing beer and chocolate is not just epic comfort eating, it’s actually a bona-fide gourmet trend.

Apparently, munching on bitter, high-cocoa chocolates washed down with a pint of Leffé Blonde is a taste combo straight from high-calorie heaven. Or you could go for a sweet, dense, flourless choccie cake with a pint of bitter ale or Guinness. Go the whole hog and visit the Winter Beer Festival in Washington, US (washingtonbeer.com), where there will be guided chocolate and beer pairing sessions.

Tickets cost £15 in advance, which includes six beers.

FOR GUYS: It is possible to guzzle a brew in a considered, civilised manner, if you do it in the surrounds of Portland’s Holiday Ale Festival in the US (holidayale.com). Aimed at beer-lovers who appreciate quality as well as quantity, there will be heaps of vintage brews, limited releases and other rare beers for the tasting. You and your boozy buddies can get stuck into more than 50 kinds of hearty craft beers. Put it like this, these won’t be the kinds of bevvies you throw pingpong balls into or try and chug in under a minute – you’ll get some fierce looks from the ale fanatics here if you do.

since the dawn of time. Try telling a burly Turk that getting an exfoliating body scrub is a girly pastime and you’ll soon find out the hard way that it certainly isn’t. Seek out the famous Cagaloglu Hamami (cagalogluhamami.com.tr), which has a huge men-only section and has been the place to go for brutally refreshing back rubs and long steamy soaks since 1791. Entrance to the baths, with a scrub and massage, costs from £32.50.

FOR GIRLS: The two major problems with most girls’ getaway spa holidays is that (a) you spend a fortune and (b) you have a horrible time. Who wants to spend their holiday paying beauticians to tsk-tsk over their cellulite? Take the more pleasant option by visiting Bedruthan Steps Hotel in Cornwall (bedruthan.com). Facials and massages start from a mere £19. And the real beauty of it is that there’s nothing OTT or clinical about the place at all – it’s simple, modern and the relaxed vibe guarantees a good time. ››

The spa break THE CLICHÉ: WAG-types laying out thousands on acid peels, butt-shrinking wraps, collagen injections, the works. Boring, expensive and pointless. Worse, a health retreat with pushy instructors, no fun and where celery sticks are ‘treats’.

FOR GUYS: How about an old-fashioned rub down in Istanbul? Male bonding sessions in spas have being going on

Find inner peace on a lads’ yoga trip TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The gambling holiday

BOOZY BREAKS

THE CLICHÉ: Just for the gents, by which we mean lagersoaked stags hell bent on dropping a lifetime’s worth of savings in 20 minutes in the name of ‘having fun’.

FOR GIRLS: North Cyprus’s beach town of Kyrenia is just the place for girls who fancy a flutter but want to steer clear of anything that remotely resembles The Hangover. This area of the little island in the Med has a huge gambling scene, but you don’t have to slink about in nasty, Vegas-eque, glitterygold-frocks-with-hooker-heels outfits… unless you really want to. At Jasmine Hotel Court and Casino (jasmine.com.tr), you and your gal pals can soak up the atmosphere and play the tables – freebie drinks and snacks included round the clock, of course – leaving you with plenty of cash to buy chips.

FOR GUYS: Take a deep breath and book yourself on a flight to Monaco – you’re about to do Monte Carlo on a budget.

If you go between now and April, which is low season, hotel prices can be up to a third less than usual. You don’t have to spend a fortune on drinks – a bottle of wine from the supermarket can be little as £2, or you can also cut costs by visiting bars such as Stars ‘N’ Bars (starsnbars.com), which have happy hours. In this case, get half-price cocktails between 5pm and 7.30pm. Now put on your smartest threads, ready your poker face and get ready to hit the tables with the big boys at the glamorous Casino de Monte Carlo (casinomontecarlo.com) … then stumble home on the track they hold the Formula 1 Grand Prix on.

BEST FROTHY FUN

The yoga retreat THE CLICHÉ: Startlingly bendy women touching their ears with their ankles, listening to panpipes and eating nutloaf.

FOR GUYS: Western yoga camps tend to be dominated by girls, but gradually men are starting to embrace the strengthbuilding, stamina-enhancing benefits of the practice, so male-only retreats are taking off. Kalani (kalani.com), a gay-friendly retreat on Hawaii’s Big Island runs beginner courses just for gents. Brogayoga, who say “it’s OK if you can’t touch your toes”, also runs an annual retreat, so keep an eye on their website (brogayoga.com) for 2013’s dates to be announced.

FOR GIRLS: Super sporty girls should sign up for an amped-up yoga retreat at Del Mar Surf Camp (delmarsurfcamp.com) in Costa Rica. Their women-only ‘Yoga & Surf’ packages include daily surf lessons along with extreme yoga sessions in hidden jungle spots. Still not enough adventure for you? Sign up for zip-lining, stand-up paddleboarding, kayaking or horse riding.

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Just want to get your drink on? Whether you’re going away with the guys, the girls or all together, there’s nothing better than a boozy break in Europe. Visit these party hotspots for a holiday you won’t forget in a hurry.

BUDAPEST Drinking in a ‘ruinpub’ is the trend that just won’t die in Hungary’s capital. These quirky drinking holes are found in disused buildings, such as old community centres and cinemas, often using all the original furnishings to give them a retro, surreal vibe. The ruinpubs used to change location every few months, but now many, like Szimpla Kert (‘Simple Garden’), have become more established, serving cocktails and food, as well as beer.

Average pint: 80p szimpla.hu BELGRADE The coolest places to drink in Belgrade are the speakeasytype dens, which are so underground they often don’t even have names or signs. Stick to beer and rakija, Serbia’s favourite firewater when at these dives, such as Tijuana (Second floor, Sremska 9). As a tourist, it can be extremely hard to track these hidden bars down, so contact Belgrade Greeters, a free service where volunteers show visitors around the city, and ask them to take you to one.

Average pint: £1 belgradegreeters.rs BARCELONA You can run the whole gamut of nightlife in Barcelona, from chic cocktail bars to Irish pubs to pumping latenight clubs. You’ll find all of these joints in the buzzing Las Ramblas district. A few blocks away is BeCool, which is currently a big favourite of the Catalan party scene.

There’s a revolving dancefloor here and regular pop, rock and indie nights.

Average pint: £3.50 salabecool.com

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Hit the tables in Cyprus. Yes, really

Party in Barcelona? Si!

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Going to town This is Cape Town in 48 hours WORDS HELEN ELFER

DAY 1: 09:00 There’s so much on offer in Cape Town that you’ll need to make sure your energy levels are topped up.

Do this over breakfast while soaking up the early morning rays in the garden restaurant of charming B&B, Jambo Guesthouse (doubles from £47pn, jambo.co.za).

10:00 Then it’s only a 10-minute walk to Nelson Mandela Gateway at the V&A Waterfront, where you can catch a ferry to a three-and-a-half-hour tour of Robben Island Museum (tickets £16.60, robben-island.org.za). This fascinating journey includes a visit to the prison where Nelson Mandela spent 18 of his 27 years in jail. You could meet an ex-political prisoner on the tour or even see penguins during the 45-minute bus circuit of the island.

14:00 Wander over to shopping and entertainment complex The V&A Waterfront (waterfront.co.za), which is popular with tourists. Here you can grab fresh, African-style seafood for a late lunch at Bayfront Blu (from £3, Dock Road, tel. +27 (0) 21 419 9068).

15:30 Step next door to the adjoining Two Oceans Aquarium (entry £8, aquarium.co.za) to get a sinister grin from the ragged-tooth sharks and check out the other marine life. If you’re really brave you can scuba dive with the great whites in their tank, without a cage (£45).

19:00 As there are plenty of decent restaurants here, stick around the Waterfront for an alfresco dinner at Tasca de Belem (mains from £7, tascadebelem.co.za). Looking out over the harbour, you can chow down on steak and Portuguese-style kebabs, as you watch all the crowd milling around the water’s edge.

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21:30 Now it’s time to see how these Saffas party – throw some shapes at Mercury (mercuryl.co.za, entry from £1.50), where you’ll find DJs and live music most nights.

Check out the downstairs lounge for Capetonian musicians.

DAY 2: 09:00 Grab a quick brekkie at the bohemian Rcaffé (breakfast from £2.20, 138 Long Street, tel. +27 (0) 21 426 0795), which offers hearty fry-ups, omelettes and gigantic pastries. Wash it down with freshly brewed coffee.

09:30 From here, wander a few blocks to the cobblestoned Green Market Square (uncoverthecape.co.za) to pick up some African curios and other cool stuff you don’t need.

10:30 Also nearby is Cape Town’s oldest building, the Castle of Good Hope (entry £2, castleofgoodhope.co.za), a star-shaped fortress built by the Dutch East India Company between 1666 and 1679. It gives a glimpse into South Africa’s colonial past and has an eerie torture chamber.

11:30 Delve into more recent history at the Apartheid era’s District Six, which was a lively multiracial community until the Seventies, when the Afrikaans government evicted 60,000 residents and bulldozed their houses. Now the history of the area and its people are remembered in the District Six Museum (entry £2.20, tours £3.60, districtsix.co.za).

Ex-residents also offer guided tours of the area.

12:30 It’s the moment many people come to Cape Town for – visiting one of the new seven wonders of the world, Table Mountain. Catch a taxi or hire a car and drive to the Table Mountain Aerial Cableway (£14.60 return, tablemountain.net) station. On the way there, it’s well worth swinging by Llandudno Beach, a picturesque stretch

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Photos: South African Tourism, Getty

Nelson Mandela’s jail cell on Robben Island

of sand beneath the mountain. If you can resist a dip, you’re stronger willed than us. Once at the cableway, you can take the two-hour hike to the summit or the easy option and ride the cable car. Either way, you’ll need to wrap up warm, as the temperature at the top is around 5˚C colder than ground level. Once you’re up, take the 30minute Agama Walk, which will give you staggering 360degree views of Cape Town and the Cape Peninsula.

14:00 To alleviate that chill at the top of the mountain, stop in for a buffet feast or an ostrich sub at the Table Mountain Café (buffet £1.30 per 100g, subs from £3.20) and a creamy cup of hot chocolate.

16:00 A visit to Cape Town wouldn’t be complete without a vineyards tour, so take the 30-minute drive from here to the Constantia Valley (constantiavalley.com), the oldest wine-growing area in South Africa which has a diverse range of wineries in one pocket. There are 10 farms here and you can stop in for tastings at as many as you like.

Groot Constantia (grootconstantia.co.za) has some award-winning tipples, such as their 2011 Chardonnay.

20:00 It’s been a big day, so once back in the city, settle in for a chilled evening at Rafiki’s Restaurant Bar (mains from £4, wine from £1.20, rafikis.co.za). This grungey downtown spot often hosts up-and-coming comedians and live music. Dine on calamari, burgers or salad, and take advantage of Cape Town’s ultra low-cost vino.

Fly from London to Cape Town direct with British Airways from £751 britishairways.com

Cape Town’s nightlife gets wild

Head over heels on Llandudno Beach TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Namibia SOUTHERN AFRICA

Kaokoland Spitzkoppe Swakopmund WINDHOEK

GETTING THERE British Airways flies from London Heathrow to Windhoek via Johannesburg, starting at ÂŁ1064 return. britishairways.com

NAMIBIA

Storming through the sand in the Namib Desert 74

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BIGTRIP

An African odyssey Hiding from leopards, carving up the red dunes of the desert and hanging in tribal villages are all part of the adventure in Namibia WORDS JONNY NEWTON

WHEN TO GO: With 300 days of sunshine a year, Namibia Burning across the towering red dunes of introducing a parliamentary democracy as can be visited at any time. However, Namibia and, in an even more progressive the Namib Desert is unlike anything I’ve the Namibian summer from ever done before; or, indeed, am ever likely move, is one of the few countries in the November to February can bring to do again. Looking out across the endless world to have conservation and protection heavy thunderstorms. If you’re sandscape, its vivid palette and unearthly of natural resources in its constitution. This travelling during these months, emptiness make me feel like I’m on another fascinating blend of preserving tradition and a 4x4 is essential. planet altogether. It’d be almost serene if moving forwards with the modern world is CURRENCY: £1 = NAD13.8 I hadn’t chosen to explore what are among perhaps encompassed most surreally in my (Namibian Dollar) the world’s tallest dunes in the fastest, most next adventure.

ACCOMMODATION: exhilarating and loudest manner possible Scoring an invite into the homes of Every Namibian odyssey starts in – on a quad bike. the Himba people is often a highlight for Windhoek. Chameleon Backpackers, travellers to Namibia. This ethnic group After what amounts to a perfunctory which has a solar heated swimming of cattle herders has pointedly welcomed briefing and token explanation of how to pool, barbecue area and free tea operate my manual six-geared beast, I speed tourism in recent years and, unlike many and coffee offers dorm beds from off into this sandy playground, throwing ‘cultural villages’ on the tourist trail, where £10pppn, which includes breakfast. tribespeople are bussed in for a day of trite myself into the belly of dunes, before hurling my machine up their sides and riding the ceremonial dancing to amuse visitors, the chameleonbackpackers.com ridges. This is no gentle trundle around the Himba welcome backpack-saddled wanderers park – the sea of dunes that make up the Namib Desert can into their real homes. However, my experience with the reach heights of around 325m. That’s why the most popular Himba proves to be even more illuminating. Because I’ve sport in these parts is sandboarding – daredevils often hit doggedly driven through miles of featureless scrub to speeds of 80kmph as they slide down. However, having never Otjikandero Himba Orphan Village Project in Kaokoland, been much cop on a board, I’ve plumped for some motorised northern Namibia, to meet Jaco Burger, a white Afrikaans action instead. goat farmer, local chief of the black semi-nomadic Himba Hemmed by the blustery Atlantic and the ‘Skeleton Coast’ people, and gay rights campaigner. (so-named for the whale and seal bones that covered the The story of this thirty-something, openly gay farmer is pure shore when the whaling industry was active), this area is Hollywood. As a child, Burger struck up friendships with Himba usually accessed from the seaboard town of Swakopmund, workers on his father’s farm, and later in life was ‘adopted’ which has a reputation as Southern Africa’s ‘adventure into the tribe by a chief. It was this chief who gave Burger his centre’ to uphold. And it does not disappoint. Aside from first wife, seeing no issue with the fact that Burger was also in getting sandy, there’s a raft of other adrenaline-inducing a relationship with a male farm worker. The wife was barren opportunities, from sky diving to shark fishing. But, – making her a bad match in Himba society – and Burger had ultimately, it is the dunes that people come here for, and no interest in heterosexual sex. It was the perfect solution. after my day of hurtling up and down them, I can absolutely Today, Burger is the master of a farm, four villages, three appreciate why. As the sun starts to sink, long shadows wives, 30 adopted children and an Austrian boyfriend. Upon accentuate the summits, and I soak up expansive views deep arriving at his homestead, I join him on the dried cowpat into the desert and far across the ocean. It is a truly special, floor of a mud hut, along with wife number one, Makaja. one-of-a-kind experience.

As a gaggle of naked grandchildren are bounced on various Namibia is relatively new to this world, in that it only knees, he explains the history, rites and rituals of the proud gained independence from South Africa in 1990. It has Himba people, while pointing out the silver and leather gone from being oppressed under SA’s apartheid rule to adornments that cover their deep-red skin. Himba women ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: sandboarding in the dunes; Jaco Burger and his Himba family; a lone wildebeest on the road are known for the practice of coating themselves in a blend of butter fat and ochre, which lends their skin this red tinge.

The power of our unique encounter is not lost on Burger.

“People travel across the world to spend a day or two here, as it is one of the last places that this experience exists,” he explains. “So I urge the Himba to carry on and try not to assimilate.”

Indeed, the Himba probably have a vested interest in showing their simple way of life to tourists – the tribe was almost extinguished in the Eighties, when a severe drought killed 90 per cent of their cattle. Now that they are so visible, being one of Namibia’s premier tourist attractions, this small ethnic group has found a clever way of preserving its culture.

But fascinating as the Himba are by themselves, I find them even more so with Burger in the frame.

He’s a Namibian who encompasses many aspects of this country’s disparate culture – one that I’m finding surprises and astounds at every turn.

The next day, behind the wheel of a 4x4 I rented back in the Namibian capital of Windhoek, I begin the spinejuddering journey towards Spitzkoppe, which is German for ‘pointed dome’ (Namibia was a German colony until it was handed over to South Africa in 1920). The prehistoric peak is believed to be 750 million years old and is a violent anomaly in the arid wilderness of the surrounding, pancakeflat plains.

Encouraged by the torrential showers that break up the fiery afternoons of the rainy season, the gravel road slips beneath my ageing vehicle as I battle with the conditions.

The enforced slow driving, however, is nothing like the hell of Monday morning rush hour on London’s North Circular.

Here, it is a pleasure.

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I drive through a few kilometres of lush undulating hills, followed by fertile valleys of rain-soaked splendour, looming peaks and barren plains peppered with giant granite monoliths. The silhouettes of warning road signs change from warthog to elephant. Shredded tyres lie discarded on the roadside, testament to the sharp stones awaiting my rubber.

Closer to Spitzkoppe, I’m forced to trace a hairy route.

The rain makes parched riverbeds turn to raging torrents in minutes, causing hours of “should I, shouldn’t I?”

Spitzkoppe’s epic scenery

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procrastination over whether to ford them. Recklessness inevitably wins and, although I don’t yet realise it, my alternator starts to slowly drown.

When I finally reach Spitzkoppe, I’m overwhelmed by the sight of this brown granite sword pushed through the earth’s crust, standing at 1000 metres tall. Isolated and impressive, it is a prehistoric playground in which days can be spent exploring its nooks and crannies.

James, a local guide employed by Spitzkoppe’s municipally run campsite, jumps into my car and directs me through a maze of sandy tracks to the monolith’s base. Hopping up the coarse rock, James explains its geology and leads me to Bushman’s Paradise, an overhang dotted with faded ancient etchings of the indigenous hunter-gatherer San people. They are between 2000 and 4000 years old.

Keen to set up camp before dusk, I ask James which

“

I throw myself into the belly of the dunes

”

one of the 12 sites, sporadically placed throughout the conservation area, he would recommend.

“It is hard to choose among them,” he muses. “They are all good for different reasons … some for sunset, others for sunrise, but number 10 is my favourite as sometimes you can see the leopard who lives in a cave above it.”

Decision made. I cautiously set up at camp 10, peering up into the folds and crevasses searching for a glimpse of the elusive predator. As evening approaches, I admire the desert sunset from a rock perch, swigging fiery whiskey from a hip flask as the sun dips below the horizon. Battling through the paranoia of being dragged from my sleeping bag by an oversized pussycat, I cook my dinner on a campfire, and set about drinking away the fear. It works; I slip into a peaceful sleep, though the nocturnal calls of the wilderness travel into my tent and alcohol-addled dreams.

Back in Windhoek, returning the rather beat up 4x4, ›› my reckless driving near Spitzkoppe peak finally catches

Lucie Graham

The Insider's Guide Lucie Graham is a programme coordinator for VSORAISA, an NGO that tackles Southern Africa’s Aids epidemic. She has lived in Namibia for five years Can you reveal any hidden gems?

Everyone heads to Swakopmund to indulge in all the adventure sports and a spot of sea air, but to get away from the crowds head to Walvis Bay. It is only a short drive south of Swakopmund, and offers really similar experiences, with the same amazing backdrop of desert, only you’ll have it to yourself. If there is a group of people, it doesn’t cost that much to charter a boat and head into the Atlantic for a mini-cruise.

Where do you go to get away from it all?

The amazing thing about this country is how varied it is – wherever you go feels completely different from where you have come from. My favourite area is right in the north, where the Caprivi Strip juts into Botswana, and borders Angola and Zambia. Here, it is humid, tropical and green, and is such a contrast to everywhere else.

Do you have any tips for driving in Namibia?

Avoid driving at night if at all possible. Even though there are a couple of good tarmac roads in Namibia, most places are only accessible by dirt roads, which can be really unpredictable and tricky to drive on.

The problem with night driving is that the chances of hitting a wandering animal are increased, and that drink driving is common. Also, if you’re heading far from towns, make sure you travel with a spare canister of petrol. And lastly, carry plenty of cash, as many petrol stations won’t accept cards.

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up with me. “Have you taken this thing through water?” barks the car rental guy as he surveys the underside of the steaming 4x4 that I hired from him 10 days and 4000 kilometres ago. “The alternator is screwed!”

“Ummm … well … maybe a couple of puddles, but nothing substantial,” I lie.

“I’ll have to tow you to the airport then,” he says. He’s not a happy man.

And so, this is how my trip ends, my not-so-trusty steed being dragged along the final leg, one more escapade on a holiday rammed with adventure from start to finish. It comes as a welcome relief for someone else to drive, just so I can stare across Namibia’s interior and let the previous couple of weeks soak in. ❚ Jonny hired his 4x4 from Aloe, which costs from £43 a day off peak. natron.net/aloe/home.htm More on the Otjikandero Himba Orphan Village Project at namibiajjtours.com

‘I could fit your whole head in here’

Fish River Canyon

BEST OF THE REST NATURAL NAMIBIA

CAPE CROSS Home to one of the largest colonies of cape fur seals in the world, Cape Cross makes an interesting pit stop along the Skeleton Coast. Be prepared, though; what sanitised nature programmes can’t show is the stench that thousands of mammals in a confined space can make. If you don’t have your own car, book through Charley’s Desert Tours. namibiareservations.com TWYFELFONTEIN If the San rock art in Spitzkoppe floats your boat, Twyfelfontein offers more examples of ancient engravings.

Hunter-gatherers scratched more than 5000 images of their lives into their surroundings, including encounters with lions, giraffes and rhino. It was named as Namibia’s first Unesco World Heritage Site in 2007. namibian.org 78

Photos: Jonny Newton, Getty, Thinkstock

FISH RIVER CANYON The second-largest canyon in the world, behind the Grand Canyon in the US, Fish River features a massive ravine that splits the south of Namibia for over 100 miles. Most of us would be content peering over the side from the occasional viewpoint dotted along its length, though the more adventurous can spend five or so days hiking through it. Permits are only issued between May and September to minimise the risk of sun exposure during summer (the temperature can hit 50°C) and flash floods during the rains.

There are no facilities enroute, so pack light. namibian.org

A Himba tribeswoman and her baby

NEXT WEEK Samoa: Chiefs, churches, and tattoos in the South Pacific Mind the elephant

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✔ Accom ideally located in the absolute heart of town ✔ Edinburgh street party pass ✔ Superb pubs, bars & clubs ✔ Funky tour t-shirt ✔ Experienced Fanatics tour reps ■ 3 Night Hostel 30 DEC-2 JAN £219 ✔ Stay in the heart of Edinburgh’s old town!

■ 3 Night Hotel 30 DEC-2 JAN £249 ✔ Choice of great Edinburgh hotels!

RUGBY UNION WALLABIES & ALL BLACKS COME TO EUROPE THIS NOVEMBER ■ AUS v FRANCE Paris SAT 10 NOV fr£189 ■ AUS v ENGLAND Twickenham SAT 17 NOV £85 ■ AUS v ITALY Florence SAT 24 NOV £139 ■ AUS v WALES Cardiff SAT 1 DEC £139 ■ NZ v WALES Cardiff SAT 24 NOV £149 ✔ Match tickets ✔ Accom ✔ Transfers ✔ Merchandise

PADDY’S DAY SPEND 3 NIGHTS IN DUBLIN AT THE WORLD’S BIGGEST PADDY’S DAY PARTY! ■ 3 Nights

Dublin

15-18 MAR

£189

ANZAC DAY COMMEMORATE ANZAC DAY AT GALLIPOLI OR THE WESTERN FRONT ON OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED & FULLY GUIDED TOURS. ■ 3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199

GREECE & ITALY WEEKS SPEND A WEEK IN THE GREEK ISLANDS OR ITALY NEXT SUMMER! ■ July-September

fr£189

HOGMANAY ✔ Opening night Torchlight Procession & BBQ party ✔ NYE Street Party featuring live music, DJs & 80,000 people! ✔ New Year’s Day Loony Dook swim ✔ Optional Stirling Castle tour ■ 4 Day Coach Tour

30 DEC-2 JAN

Hostel £289 Hotel £319 ✔ Coaches depart London Sunday morning ✔ Return Wednesday evening (2 January)

AFL IN LONDON ■ Western Bulldogs v Port Adelaide ✔ Fanatics own VIP section of the Kia Oval ✔ Fanatics private bars ✔ Live Music SAT 3 NOV

£20

FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE GET BEHIND MARK SCHWARZER AND THE SW6 BOYS! ■ Fulham FC v Everton SAT 3 NOV 3PM ■ Fulham FC v Sunderland SUN 18 NOV 4PM ■ Fulham FC v Tottenham SAT 1 DEC 3PM ■ Fulham FC v Newcastle MON 10 DEC 8PM

SANTA PUB CRAWL JOIN OUR ANNUAL LONDON PUB CRAWL!

SUNDAY 9 DECEMBER £29 ✔ Private red double-decker party bus

CROATIA UNBEATABLE EARLY BIRD SPECIALS AVAILABLE FOR 2013 SUPERIOR CATEGORY BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! JUN-SEP fr£349 ■ 7 NIGHTS

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st 88

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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26/10/12 15:26:20

TRAVEL

10th

Annual

D THE ST AN E G G I B , THE GINAL I R O HE ST...T SKIFE

0m 18050m 27 nteed a Guarnow!

S

BEST!

2 1 0 2 S hristmas A c e it h w M X the ultimate NE W YE AR’S NYE higher than Kosciusko!

XMAS & NYE COMBO

NYE – COACH TOUR

■ SKIFEST XMAS + PARIS NYE 21 DEC-1 JAN

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS 28 DEC-5 JAN

✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ 3 Nights Paris ✔ Coach London-Risoul-Paris-London

■ 9DAYTOUR (self-cater) ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ 6 days skiing

XMAS – COACH TOUR

NYE – FLIGHT TOUR

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS 21-29 DEC

■ 7DAYTOUR

£649 (self-cater) £729 (all-inclusive)

£449

£529

(self-cater) (all-inc) ■ 9DAYTOUR ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back SAT 29 DEC ✔ 6 days skiing

£569 (all-inc)

29 DEC-4 JAN

oul!

NYE in Ris

£649 (self-cater) £729 (all-inclusive) NYE – MAKE YOUR OWN WAY ■ 8DAYTOUR

XMAS – FLIGHT TOUR

29 DEC-5 JAN

£409 (self-cater) £489 (all-inclusive)

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS 22-29 DEC ■ 8DAYTOUR

£489

rs Day! o New Yea Going retr

£589 (self-cater) £669 (all-inc)

XMAS – MAKE YOUR OWN WAY ■ 8DAYTOUR 22-29 DEC

£369 (self-cater) £449 (all-inclusive)

UNBEATABLE VALUE SUPERB GROUP ATMOSPHERE! !

TOP QUALITY SNOW

SKIFEST PRICE INCLUDES ✔ Return transport from London ✔ Optional b’fast & dinner daily in resort £80 ✔ Ski lift pass ✔ Ski/Snowboard hire ✔ Skifest merchandise ✔ Legendary Skifest parties & theme nights ✔ Amazing Xmas & NYE celebrations

Unbeatable skiing

OUR SKI RESORT & ACCOM ✔ Self-contained apartments (sleeps 2-6) ✔ Balcony, kitchen, ensuite bathroom & WC ✔ High altitude resort 1,850m-2,750m ✔ Top quality snow & over 150km of piste ✔ Ski runs literally at our door step ✔ Funky resort bars, shops & restaurants

st!

Xmas Day @ Skife

Know before you go..... ✔ All Fanatics tours stay in self contained apartments ✔ We DO NOT use complexes designed for schools and youth groups ✔ We only use high altitude resorts with outstanding snow records www.thefanatics.com

BOOK ONLINE NOW!

www.skifest.co.uk or call 0207 240 3223

COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon-Fri 9am-6pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EGYPT

& THE MIDDLE EAST UP TO

NOW

WAS £650

£579

Includes US$270 local payment

7 DAY Jordan Adventure

Dep. 11 Dec 2012

Dep. 24 Nov 2012

WAS £760

WAS £620

£650

Includes US$345 local payment

NOW

Dep. 11 Nov 2012

19 DAY Ultimate Egypt NOW

10 DAY Spirit of Egypt

20% OFF

£570

Includes US$200 local payment

Christmas in the Sun? Book Now! ONLY

Dep. 16 Dec 2012

£1789

13 DAY Pharaohs’ Footsteps Dep. 25 Dec 2012

ONLY

20 DAY Egypt, Jordan & Israel

£659

Includes US$345 local payment

Includes US$280 local payment

8 DAY Nile Discovery

8 DAY Essential Egypt

£595

Includes US$210 local payment

Dep. 25 Dec 2012

ONLY

ONLY

Dep. 23 Dec 2012

£466

Includes US$180 local payment

12 DAY Festive Pharaohs ONLY

Dep. 22 Dec 2012

£265

Includes Christmas Dinner & Party in Dahab and New Year’s Eve ‘Desert Party’ in a Bedouin tent!

L8291 / Y2992

TNT_1522_Travel.indd 90

CALL 0845 257 5210

NEW TRIP

* a E t fl

Open 8am-9pm

26/10/12 15:26:47

11 DAY Festive Escape Dep. 22 Dec 2012

NEW TRIP ND ENGLA start/finish

ONLY

London

£795

TRAVEL

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR IN EUROPE

2

LAND NETHER

Amsterdam

2 Berlin

2 Cologne Paris 2

E FRANC

2

ANY GERM

Baden-Baden

Includes Christmas markets around Europe and New Years in Paris!

2 DAY Brugge Christmas Markets ONLY

Dep. 18, 15 & 22 Dec 2012

£159

Includes return coach from London!

4 DAY Hogmanay Edinburgh ONLY

Dep. 30 Dec 2012

£339

Includes Hogmanay Street Party ticket, Edinburgh City Tour, ½ day trip to Stirling Castle

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included.

Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNT_1522_Travel.indd 91

Plus loads more festive & winter trips online...

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europe

we

Egypt CHRISTMAS IN PARIS 4 DAYS £349

FESTIVE PARTY TREK 11 DAYS £699

DEPARTS LONDON 24 DECEMBER

(STUDENTS £674)

INCLUSIONS: Busabout Guide, Return coach and

DEPARTS 22 DECEMBER CZECH REPUBLIC, AUSTRIA, SLOVAKIA, HUNGARY & POLAND

ferry from London to Paris, 3 nights accommodation, 3 breakfasts, Welcome dinner and drink, Paris by night tour by coach, trip to Palace of Versailles with picnic lunch, Christmas dinner, bike tour and river cruise, FREE Lonely Planet guidebook

20% * OFF

ONE-WAY EGYPT 10 DAYS SAVE £128 WAS £638 NOW £510 Cairo, Pyramids Of Giza, Valley Of The Kings & Dahab DEPARTS 10, 24 NOV & 8, 22 DEC * Book by 4 NOV. Enter promocode ‘egypt’.

OPTION 1: Prague to Krakow

Morocco

OPTION 2: Krakow to Prague INCLUSIONS: All transportation with

Busabout Guide, 10 nights accommodation and breakfasts, Tour of Auschwitz and Birkenau, Walking tour of Krakow, Christmas and Christmas Eve dinner, Vienna Schnapps museum, FREE Lonely Planet guidebook

MARRAKECH & SAHARA 8 DAYS £574 Marrakech, Gorge Du Dades, Todra Gorge, Sahara Desert Camel Trek & Ouarzazate DEPARTS 10, 24 NOV & 8, 23 DEC MARRAKECH ENCOMPASSED 15 DAYS £834 Marrakech, Rabat, Meknes, Chefchaouen, Fes, Mildelt, Sahara Desert Camel Trek, Ait Benhaddou & Essaouira DEPARTS 3, 17 NOV & 1, 23 DEC

NEW YEAR IN AMSTERDAM 4 DAYS £369 DEPARTS LONDON 30 DECEMBER INCLUSIONS: Busabout Guide, Return coach and ferry from London to Amsterdam, 3 nights accommodation, 3 breakfasts, 1 dinner, orientation walk of Amsterdam town and country bike tour, canal cruise around Amsterdam, FREE Lonely Planet guidebook

NEWS & VIEWS

FOLLOW US

WATCH CLIPS

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TAKE A TRADITIONAL CROATIAN CRUISER WITH ITS LOCAL CREW, THE WARM, CRYSTAL CLEAR WATERS OF THE ADRIATIC, A BUNCH OF TRAVELLERS SEEKING FUN AND ADVENTURE AND ADD A BUSABOUT GUIDE. THE RESULT? ONLY ONE OF THE BEST WEEKS OF YOUR LIFE…..

Croatia Island Hopper 8 DAYS FROM £383 Departs Split (May – September)

ay On e-Wers!

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08450 267 514 TNT_1522_Travel.indd 92

Highlights s Anchor up and jump off the boat into the Adriatic

s Sit back with a local beer and s s s

watch the yachts come in at Hvar Sipping cocktails at the top of a 14th century tower in Krocula Hike to a pirate fortress for panoramic views of Dalmatia Captain the Pirate Cruiser as it sails along the Dalmatian coast

INCLUSIONS: 7 nights’ accommodation, 7 breakfasts,

7 lunches, fuel supplement, island orientation walks, orientations of Split and Dubrovnik, English speaking Busabout Guide and expert local crew.

www.busabout.com

20% * OFF E

SAV 63 1 UP TO £ ures.

13 depart * Valid on all 20e ‘earlybird2013’. od oc om pr Enter Book by 4 NOV.

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Scotland, Wales, Cornwall & Ireland

SAVE UP TO £

* Valid on all 2012 departures. Book by 4 NOV. Enter promocode ‘autumnsale’

DOING IT ONCE?

DO IT RIGHT PASSIONATE LOCAL SCOTTISH GUIDES

plu ENG s L & WA AND LES

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HIGHLAND FLING DAYS (MON ) £189 NOW £161 (STUDENTS NOW £152) Loch Ness, Isle of Skye & North West Highlands

3

SKYE HIGH DAYS (MON, WED, FRI & SAT) £115 NOW £98 (STUDENTS NOW £93) Isle of Skye, Loch Ness & Glencoe

TRAVEL

15% OFF 28

*

FESTIVE HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS & HOGMANAY Our Legendary Festive trips! Experience a Scottish Christmas in a Royal Highland Hotel.

&HUWL¿FDWH RI ([FHOOHQFH 2012

MEGA HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS

Haggis Day Adventures

£439 DEPARTS EDINBURGH 24 DECEMBER - 5 DAYS

All accommodation and breakfasts / Packed lunches on 25th and 26th December / Mulled wine on arrival to the Royal Highland Hotel / Christmas Eve dinner and exclusive night club entry / Christmas dinner and wine / A traditional Scottish Ceilidh

INCLUSIONS:

STUDENT DISCOUNTS PREFERRED BY STA TRAVEL & FLIGHT CENTRE GLOBALLY JOIN US

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ROYAL HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS £315 DEPART EDINBURGH 24 DECEMBER - 3 DAYS INCLUSIONS:

As per 5 Day Mega Highland Christmas

HOGMANAY & HIGHLANDS £409 DEPARTS EDINBURGH 7 DAYS OPTION 1 – 27 DECEMBER Highlands then Hogmanay OPTION 2 – 29 DECEMBER Hogmanay then Highlands

2 nights hostel shared dorm on tour and 4 nights hostel shared dorm Edinburgh / 3 day Skye High adventure / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / Torchlight Procession / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night

INCLUSIONS:

SLEEP WITH US FOR FREE *Valid on all 2012 3 Day departures. Book by 4 NOV. Enter promocode ‘freebeds

*

WE’ll PAY FOR YOUR ACCOMMODATION ON YOUR 3 DAY TRIP

EDINBURGH HOGMANAY £349 EDINBURGH 29 DECEMBER - 5 DAYS

4 nights hostel shared dorm / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / Torchlight Procession / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night / Edinburgh walking tour / Highland Day trip / HAGGiS sponsored Loony Dook

INCLUSIONS:

SOUTHERN ROCKER * 3 DAYS (Fri)

HAGGIS HOGMANAY

£125 (Students £119)

£349 DEPARTS LONDON 30 DECEMBER - 4 DAYS

BLARNEY CASTLE, CLIFFS OF MOHER, GALWAY & DINGLE

INCLUSIONS:

Return coach travel from London / All accommodation / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night / Edinburgh walking tour / HAGGiS sponsored Loony Dook

Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle & Cliffs of Moher

CELTIC ROCKER 5 DAYS (Mon) £215 (Students £205) BLARNEY CASTLE, CLIFFS OF MOHER, KILLARNEY, INIS MÓR/CONNEMARA

FREE STUFF WORTH UP TO

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€66

Our legendary St. Patrick’s packages have been designed to give you an amazing time discovering our stunning country plus the chance to party with us Irish!

CELTIC WEEKENDER 2 DAYS (Sat) £79 (Students £75) BLARNEY CASTLE, ENNIS, CLIFFS OF MOHER, GALWAY Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle & Cliffs of Moher

FREE LONELY PLANET GUIDE

TNT_1522_Travel.indd 93

TEL: 08450 267 507 INFO@SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM

WWW.SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM

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CARE WORK

CARE WORK

CLASSIFIEDS

LIVE-IN CARERS REQUIRED EARN UP TO £560.00 PER WEEK RECRUITING NOW FOR CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR Nurses and experienced carers needed to join our friendly team to help make a difference in someone’s life - Self-employed. Experience not always essential - Flexible dates, fit travel plans around work - Client specific training - Great support from our experienced team

Please call: 020 7183 6686 www.trinityhomecare.co.uk Office located in Wimbledon

Trusted to care since 1996

Live-in Care Jobs Available Now Would you like to make a difference?

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Then apply today We are particularly interested in people speaking fluent English and from an antipodeans background.

Are you: • • •

Eligibility to work in the UK? CRB checked (or equivalent) and Referenced?

Caring and competent individuals able to work under own initiative and have a genuine interest in helping others?

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Specialist live in care agency with clients nationwide.

For more information Call Now 0044 (0)1256 474 008 Email: info@basingcare.com www.basingcare.com

Live-in Care Jobs

Supporting people with physical disabilities to lead an active life WE OFFER: Up to £612 PER WEEK plus paid holiday FREE food & accommodation when working ● Opportunity to travel around England ● Flexible working to support your travel plans

• Flexible working patterns to suit you • Full training provided - no exp. necessary • Earn up to £644 per week

Immediate interviews available: London (Victoria), Glasgow & North West Employment Hotline:

020 7869 8100

www.spinalhomecare.co.uk 157 Stricklandgate, Kendal, Cumbria, LA9 4RF

CHEFS/BAR/CATERING

● ●

ABOUT YOU: Over 21 & hold a driving license Previous experience not needed, training given ● We welcome working holiday visas ● ●

Apply Today

Suffolk Way, Sevenoaks, Kent TN13 1YL Tel: 0844 2570950 candidates@activeassistance.com

www.activeassistance.co.uk

Professional Chef de Parties required for Event Catering companies within Central London. £9.00-£12.50 p/h. Weekly pay, flexible hours, 7 days p/w.

CV, Qual, Passport, Hyg Cert ess.

Tel: 0208 946 6342 or 0208 944 1609 Email: claire@claireschefs.com (Agy)

LIVE-IN JOBS Call Dee Cooper for immediate Bar/waiting live - in jobs across England & Scotland. Jobs in everyday for couples and singles plus great chef jobs too!

Call 01764 670001 or email dee@livein-jobs.demon.co.uk

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CLASSIFIEDS

CHEFS/BAR/CATERING CHEF DE PARTIES AND ABOVE REQUIRED FOR ONGOING CASUAL WORK IN THE LEAD UP TO THE BUSY CHRISTMAS PERIOD Casual/ Freelance chef de parties and above needed for 5* Hotels, Restaurants and Event Caterers. £9 - £15 per hour

POP UP RESTAURANTS / FESTIVALS / 4-5 STAR HOTELS AND EVENT CATERERS lLtd Company and Self Employed Welcome lWeekly Pay lVaried Hours lOngoing Work lLevel 2 Hyg Cert lLegality to Work Ess. Apply by CV sarah@heatlondon.com | malin@heatlondon.com

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TRADES & LABOUR

LABOURERS/STUDENTS/SUPERVISORS NIGHT SHIFTS ONLY - £125/140 PER SHIFT

4-5 month contract to assist in a large office move/installation nAll staff must have a valid 3 day first aid certificate.

(If you are interested in this position, we can book you on the course at reduced cost). nWorking hours 10.30pm to 5am. n70 positions available with shifts 6 days a week. nStudents welcome, but 2 shifts per week minimum. nAll P.P.E. supplied, some heavy lifting may be involved. nSupervisors must be experienced with 2 checkable references and may require a C.R.B. check. nAntipodeans / EU workers welcome. nWork to start soon in East London

SAMPSONRECRUITMENT.CO.UK 0208 454 7823 - 9AM TO 10PM GENERAL EMPLOYMENT

Exclusive night club in Piccadilly Circus is looking for new TABLE DANCERS No experience necessary Full time and part time positions available Our dancers earn a fantastic living Please call Suzanne on 0207 439 3558 17-19 Great Windmill St, Piccadilly, London, W1

www.windmillinternational.com

ADULT SERVICES

Top London Escorts 0208 577 7713 / 0207 439 2223 Full security service transport to and from work (and interview).

First class facilities.

Start immediately earn upto £1000 a day.

Call us 24hrs 7days a week.

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LEYTON

Double room for single person in a friendly house, sky, internet & all bills inc, 5mins to tube, 20 mins to Liverpool St, please call Kyle 07960 443723 2 weeks deposit & 2 weeks rent up front £90 PW.

TO ADVERTISE CALL THE SALES TEAM 020 3137 5950

ACCOUNTANCY SERVICES MAXIMISE CONTRACT EARNINGS Contractors - Self Employed - Freelancers Payments Gross & Direct (criteria applies) 1M Prof Ind & Public Liability Insurance Free BACS payments to your A/C Accepted by major Agencies / Employers UK or Offshore Ltd Coy Suitable for a range of Industries 3.95% Mgt Fee No Admin costs - 24hr set up Contact DPS for more details & set-up today

Phone: 0870 609 3523 Web: www.dpsconsultingservices.com • Email: info@dpsconsultingservices.com

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TAX, VISAS & IMMIGRATION

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#502 Join the masses in a march for women’s equality. But hold the bra burning

the cat. They better be careful or they will wake up with it around their neck! You need a bush not a kitchen for that thing! Darren CAPITAL DUMP: Please, can someone help me find a place to live that isn’t (a) rat infested, (b) has windows, (c) doesn’t have a creepy landlord, and (d) is mouldfree. I thought London would be decadent, not Dickensian! Rita MOOD KILLER: Mum, you should know you totally ruined the best date I’ve ever had by calling at 2am and demanding to know where I was. It was sooooo

of doing things but Ella says to tell you you’re dumped. She’s too pissed at you to tell you to your face – something about catching you in her mum’s laundry basket?

LOVELY LANDLORD: Just want to send some love to my amazing Aussie landlord. When I hear my mates complaining about the arseholes they have to pay to rent their flats, I can’t help feeling incredibly smug about the man who fixed our boiler less than 24 hours after we reported it broken; kitted out the entire flat for free, and with really nice stuff; doesn’t

get pissed off when we pay the rent late every month; and always sends his love to me when he bumps into my girlfriend in the street. AJ, you are ace! Kev SHORT BUT SWEET: Mel, I’m ready to forgive and forget if you are. Lynnie BAD HABITS: Dearest colleague, please stop picking your nose and eating it all day long. You’re a grown man. Also, your beard is reaching that unsettling point where the moustache is curling over your lip and into your mouth.

SHAVE! Bea BEDTIME TREAT: Dana, darling. We have been through thick and thin. We’ve diced with the law, supported each other through deaths in the family, stuck together when we were homeless and even survived the dreaded long distance relationship. You are the one, and I’ve no doubt we’ll be together forever. But remember when the cleaner found your favourite sleep T-shirt, mistook it for a rag and cleaned the bathroom floor with it?

That snot-green sack of a vest top you now insist on wearing to bed is similarly attractive. Do my libido a favour and throw it out! Larry BRICKING IT: McB, you are a fucking legend. Only you could solve the problem of losing your house key by throwing a brick through your living room window.

Mentalist! Gaz LITTLE CHEF: Facebook suggested you under ‘find friends’ the other day and it brought so much back. Makes me think of that Gotye song. Sad now. Dotty

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

Photo: Getty

SEXY SNACK: I always thought the name Paradise Chip Shop was somewhat ironic, until I saw you in there last Friday. You ordered chips and a battered sausage. I’ve been yours ever since. Johnny SHADY CHARACTER: To the well-built bloke on the early number 16 to Victoria: unless you’re Cyclops from X-Men or allergic to really dim light, there’s no reason at all for you to wear those ridiculous sunglasses. There’s no excusable reason for you to drop your shoulder into people as you walk past. You are an oxygen thief. Ben PULLING A POET: To the boy in the appalling racing green chinos in Dogstar, Brixton, you never did finish your limerick – what did happen to the lascivious monk from Dundee? Maybe you could tell me over a fro-yo (as long as you ditch those horrendous trousers). Clara SHALLOW HALLOW: Is it just me who thinks Halloween and the stuff associated with it is a total crock of shit? Dressing up like a lunatic, wasting perfectly good pumpkins and sheets by putting holes in them, knocking on people’s doors to get free lollies.

You shouldn’t need a historically ambiguous excuse for a party, just have one! It’s worse than Christmas. Marty COSMIC LOVE: You told me I smelt like the “innards of an alien gutted for love”– since then I can’t stop thinking about taking you home to meet my parents. Find me Danny from Guildford. Jen SIMPLE SAMBO: Why is it cheaper to buy a sandwich in a

AFTER PARTY £5 tickets 106 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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