TNT Magazine / Issue 1531

Dec 31 2012-Jan 6 2013 Issue 1531 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A STAGE TOUR AND TICKETS TO SEE STOMP ON THE WEST END

THE BEST OF BROOKLYN Inside New York’s finest neighbourhood

PARADES + RAVES London is starting 2013 with a bang

HIGH TIMES IN IRELAND Brave a kitesurfing trip in chilly Achill

F L O W THE K C A B S I N MA

ie ur 2013 mov o in n r u t e r n nd Superma a n a M n o Ir Wolverine,

preview

+ 2012: YEAR IN REVIEW ISLES OF SCILLY LONDON’S MOST STYLISH CLIMB A VOLCANO

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER It’s been an incredible year to live in London – so packed with world-class events, in fact, it’s hard to believe that 2013 could possibly top it. But here at TNT, we have a hunch things can only get better. And that’s because the city shows no signs of slowing down in January – just check out our monster round-up of parties and parades taking place on New Year’s Day for proof (P6). We also bring you the inside track on another mind-blowing world city – don’t head to New York without our guide (P42).

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS

4 10+11

SPOTTED

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CHATROOM CHRIS RAMSEY

15

LONDON SCENE

16

LONDON FOCUS

18

LIFESTYLE

22

LIVING

22

NEWS REVIEW

24

COMPETITION

26

SPORT REVIEW

28

TRAVEL

33-46

UK TRIP

34

TOP FIVE

36

SHORT BREAK

38

BIG TRIP

42

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

48-65 66

38

FEATURES KEEP ON MOVIN’

6

There’s no rest for the wicked after NYE, thanks to a stellar line-up of events in Jan

2013 MOVIE PREVIEW

18

18

New instalments of Iron Man, Wolverine and Superman are just a few highlights

2012: YEAR IN REVIEW

24

The stories that made 2012 a year to remember, in London and further afar

ISLAND GETAWAY

34

Photos: Getty; Marvel; TNT; AAP/ Red Bull

Leave city life behind and escape to the Isles of Scilly for peace, quiet and seals

HIGH TIMES

38

We brave kitesurfing in the chilly Atlantic on a trip to the wild isle of Achill, Ireland

BEST OF BROOKLYN

24

42

Find out why this neighbourhood in the Big Apple beats the pants off Manhattan

42 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Features writer Jade Bremner DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke

LONDONDIARY

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SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON THE SUNDAY ASSEMBLY ISLINGTON

Celebrating the joy of life without the need for any higher power or sanctimonious, rule-led doctrine, The Sunday Assembly is monthly mass for atheists. The brainchild of funny people Sanderson Jones (above) and Pippa Evans, it’s songs and talks for anyone who wants to “live better, help often and wonder more”. Held on the first Sunday of the month, the first three congregations are themed, starting logically enough with ‘Beginnings’, featuring a talk from children’s author Andy Stanton. Comedy legend Arthur Smith and stand-ups Lucy Porter and Josie Long are among the future speakers. Amen to that!

FREE

Jan 6, Feb 3 and Mar 3. 11am The Nave, St Paul’s Steiner School, N1 2QH

00 4

Canonbury

CHRISTMAS PAST

THE PETER PAN CUP

ALADDIN PANTOMIME

The Geffrye Museum’s exhibition of days gone by has become a festive fave, depicting the seasonal period as it has looked in middle class UK living rooms across the previous 400 years – from the Elizabethans to Victorian modesty to the tack-chic styles of the Sixties and Seventies – and how traditions have changed.

Most people in London will be unwrapping presents on Christmas morning, not so the gloriously mad folk of the Serpentine Swimming Club, who climb in to the freezing water of Hyde Park’s lake and compete in a handicapped race for the cup first donated by writer JM Barrie more than 100 years ago. Mental tradition.

Where other shows about town have taken the traditional panto to crude and decidedly adult terrain, this show at Richmond Theatre plays it camp, but for the whole family. It’s a crass but traditional festive fave, starring tele star Suzanne Shaw as the Genie and comedian Tim Vine as Wishee Washee.

Until Jan 6. 10am-5pm (Sun, noon-5pm) E2 8EA Hoxton geffrye-museum.org.uk

Dec 25. 9am W2 2UH Hyde Park Corner serpentineswimmingclub.co.uk

Until Jan 13. Times vary TW9 1QJ Richmond ambassadortickets.com

£10+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

sundayassembly.com

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“Zig-a-zig-ah”: lyrical genius of the Spice Girls hits the West End

e t a r b e l e c VIVA FOREVER! Piccadilly

One of the biggest new shows of the season sees Jennifer Saunders, of Absolutely Fabulous fame, inject plenty of snarky, snapping cynicism into this talent show-based musical inspired by the Spice Girls. Despite her penning of the book, it is the songs themselves that are the real draw here, so get down and relive your childhood as a new group of Wannabes are put through their paces. £20+

Until Jun 1. 7.30pm Piccadilly Theatre, W1D 7DY

VENUE: INFERN GH ST, 6 14 CLAPHAM HI SW4 7UH DATE: SATURDAY JANUARY 26, 2013 COMMON TUBE: CLAPHAM TIME: 9AM – 9PM

2013

UDES: THE PARTY INCL ARRIVAL FREE DRINK ON BEFORE 12 NOON

WHITE MISCHIEF

Palin is the Python that forged a career post-comedy travelling the world and chatting to people – lucky bastard – and the work of his long standing photographer companion, Basil Pao, is the basis for this behindthe-scenes, globe-trotting exhibition. Guaranteed to give you the travel bug.

Comedy, circus, cabaret and burlesque line up for this varied New Year’s Eve bash with an optional early-1900s dress code. There’s oral ping-pong champ Rod Laver, musical comedian Mitch Benn, aerial artists Greville Matthews and, our fave, posh chap-hop star MC Professor Elemental.

Jan 2-25. 10am-5pm Royal Geographical Society, SW7 2AR South Kensington rgs.org

Dec 31. 8pm-3am 310 Uxbridge Road, W12 7LJ Shepherd’s Bush bushhallmusic.co.uk

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TRAVELS WITH MICHAEL PALIN FREE

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Celebrate: cheering on London at the parade

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Party’s just begun!

The world’s ‘celebration capital’ keeps the festivities cranking in the new year with parties, raves and parades WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON New Year’s Day gets a bad rap as the festive season’s tail-end, best suited to slobbing out, watching bad TV and bowing to the whim of your hangover. It needn’t be so. After a kick-ass 2012, London isn’t slowing down for a second come January 1 – 2013 is set to be as mega and actionpacked as the past 12 months.

Leading the charge is the 27th annual London New Year’s Day Parade from midday, which sees 50,000 people line the two-mile route to celebrate the year that was in the city. The theme for this year’s parade is Hats Off To London – Celebration Capital of the World.

“I wanted to embrace the fact that our capital city is without doubt the greatest in the world,” says parade executive director Bob Bone of this year’s event, in which each of London’s 32 boroughs will be represented among the floats, marching bands, decorated double-decker buses and cheerleaders.

“London’s New Year’s Day Parade will take the form of a special tribute to the city and its people. I can’t wait to see how the boroughs will reflect this.”

As well as raising tens of thousands of pounds for charity, and being 6

broadcast live around the world, the parade will feature 400 of the performers and gamesmakers who made the Olympics’ opening and closing ceremonies such a special global, eye-catching success.

“London struck gold!” Bone says emphatically of London and Team GB’s on and off-track success, which he’s keen to harness in the procession.

“The flame may be extinguished but the passion and warmth still radiates.

These wonderful volunteers were the outstanding performers of the Olympics. We wanted to let them take a curtain call on a world stage.”

If you’re planning on taking a more debauched approach to your end-ofyear partying, London proves itself more than suited to the task.

While NYE is the big night for most, there are all sorts of parties and day-tonight raves on New Year’s Day, so you can keep dancing all the way through to January 2 and beyond.

Ministry of Sound is hosting The After Party from 6am to 2pm, with four rooms hosted by the likes of Connected, Staunch and Trix.

Brighton party-starters Kerfuffle

bring their New Year’s All-Dayer back to Brixton’s Jamm from 2pm to 2am, with underground house, electronica and techno from a host of stars, including Alison Marks, Daren Nunes, J Jeff and Tom Baker. And none other than the godfather of UK house and techno Eddie Richards will be a special guest headliner.

“I’m always happy to be invited to play for Kerfuffle,” Richards tells us.

“It’s been around for nearly as long as I have and over the years has hosted many DJs who have gone on to become international names. It’s a London house music institution!”

So the new year needn’t be dictated by your hangover and the holidays shouldn’t die out with a whimper – see in 2013 with a bang!

MORE NEW YEAR’S EVENTS ›› New Year’s Day Parade. Free W1J 9BR Piccadilly Circus londonparade.co.uk The After Party. MoS. 6am-2pm. £10+ SE1 6DP Borough ministryofsound.com Kerfuffle New Year’s Day All Dayer. Jamm.

2pm-2am. £10. SW9 6LH Brixton brixtonjamm.org

E

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Ministry of Sound leads the party

Marching through the city’s streets

Eddie Richards plays Jamm’s All-Dayer

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NATIONAL TRUST RAMBLES SURREY

NEW YEAR’S DAY GATHERING WEYBRIDGE

The National Trust celebrates Britain’s great outdoors with guided rambling tours, starting from the stately Polesden Lacey and through some of the southeast’s most beautiful countryside. For this NYD wander, your ranger guide will explain the area’s history and is an expert on the wildlife you’ll encounter. There’s more than 1400 acres to explore and ample vantage points with some fantastic views.

It’s a surefire way to blow away the cobwebs from the night before and see rolling hills in all their glory.

Brooklands in Weybridge, Surrey, was once the centre of UK motorsport. Part of the cambered track still remains and it is within this that the Brooklands Museum’s gathering of vintage and veteran cars and motorbikes takes place. A retrospective of how life used to be lived on four and two wheels.

£4

Jan 1, 11am-1pm Polesden Lacey, RH5 6BD Dorking nationaltrust.org.uk

£10+

WORLD DARTS CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL ALEXANDRA PALACE Play began on December 14 with it all coming down to this grand final on New Year’s Day. Two of the world’s ‘biggest’ darts players will step up to the oche to compete for the £200,000 prize money. You can drink as much beer as you want, shout out for your favourite and generally get rowdy. In fact, to not do so would be out of place at a darts match, so bring the noise. £45+

Jan 1, 7pm Alexandra Palace, N22 7AY Wood Green alexandrapalace.com

NEW YEAR’S DAY GALA BARBICAN

ICE SKATING ACROSS LONDON

Opt for the classic sound this numero uno day rather than sweaty club vibes with a gala from London Concert Orchestra with the hits you know: Rule, Britannia, Jerusalem and William Tell among them.

It has become a solid fixture of the winter calendar, as Christmassy in the capital as carols and mulled wine. No festive season would be complete without striding out on to the ice at one of the many, many rinks that appear in the city come November, then wobbling around in a couple of ill-balanced circuits before crashing on to your arse in front of everyone. Bruises and hurt pride aside, it’s top fun, and worth taking advantage of over the festive period.

Our favourites are Somerset House, underneath the London Eye at Eyeskate and by the historic Tower of London.

£10+

FUSE NEW YEAR’S DAY RAVE EAST END The Fuse crew get 2013 underway in fine style with this lunchtime-starter rave to make sure the label has an even bigger 2013 than 2012.

Onur Ozer, Julian Perez, Enzo Siragusa, Seb Zito and Rich NxT are lining up, meaning there’s no chance of any let-up from the night before. And with a host of clubs going on this evening, too, the hardcore can take it on through to January 2.

Jan 1, 2.30pm Barbican Centre, EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

£10+

Jan 1, 12pm-11pm 93 Feet East, Old Truman Brewery, E1 6RU Aldgate East 93feeteast.co.uk

8

Jan 1, 10am-4pm Brooklands Museum, KT13 0QN Weybridge brooklandsmuseum.com

HORNIMAN MUSEUM SOUTH LONDON This little-known museum is a deadset treasure. In more than 16 acres of landscaped gardens, it is a beautiful setting for its natural and social history gallery, and state-of-theart aquarium (it’s the last week of the Body Adorned exhibition, too). Plus, it has ace views over London.

FREE

10.30am-5.30pm 100 London Road, SE23 3PQ Forest Hill horniman.ac.uk

£8+

Various times South Wing, Strand, WC2R; South Bank, SE1 7PB; Tower Hill, EC3N 4AB. Charing Cross, Waterloo, Tower Hill somersethouse.org.uk; londoneye.com; toweroflondonicerink.com

THE CHARLES DICKENS FILM AND LITERARY LOCATIONS WALK STRAND This three-hour walk takes you through the heart of the capital, looking at locations that were important to Dickens’ life, and those which have featured in novels and film adaptations (such as Great Expectations, above). It’s a profile of a special side of London, from leading film historian Sandra Shevey, that links the city at the turn of the 19th century with today. £25

Jan 1, 2pm The Strand, WC2N 5HX Charing Cross dickens2012.org

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NEW YEAR’S DAY MASKED BALL BRENTFORD

FACTORY 7: STEVE BUG SHOREDITCH

If you’ve been out throwing some shapes to banging house and techno, why not go for a more traditional and civilised New Year’s Day with this ballroom taster?

Try your hand at Latin and sequence dancing to the sound of the Wurlitzer and a host of DJs. Beginners are welcome, so start Jan 1 off with a new skill.

Keen to show that New Year’s Day is the new New Year’s Eve is this label showcase for Berlin’s Upon You with a class line-up in store to see you through January 1.

Steve Bug (below), M.A.N.D.Y, the Junk Department residents, not to mention a number of top secret special guests, too, will make sure your 2013 starts with one hell of a bang (and subsequent inevitable comedown).

£8+

Jan 1, 2.30pm-5.30pm Musical Museum, TW8 0DU Kew Bridge musicalmuseum.co.uk

£10+

FUERZABRUTA CAMDEN This Argentinian show opened the newly deckedout Roundhouse in 2006 and it returns to the north London theatre venue for a second run. The spectacular has lost none of its punch in the past six years, with its collection of stunts and wow-worthy performances a surprising, unnerving and stunning combo. Certainly not one to miss. £35

Jan 1, 8pm-6am Factory 7, 13 Hearn Street, EC2A 3NN Shoreditch High Street residentadvisor.net

Dec 27-Jan 21, Tues-Wed, 8pm; Thurs-Sat, 7pm & 10pm; Sun, 5pm & 8pm. Jan 22-26, 7pm & 10pm Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm roundhouse.org.uk

LIGHT SHOW SOUTH BANK RELAX AND REVITALISE AT THE OXO TOWER BRASSERIE CENTRAL After last night’s hedonism you might not be wanting to do much in the kitchen other than whack on some toast at the absolute most. If this is going to be the extent of your culinary escapades, why not have someone else cook you something awesome? Dine yourself back to humanity at the Oxo Brasserie, which comes with a complimentary hangover cure kit containing a gel eye mask, wipe, mints and a face spray to rejuvenate tired and slightly puffy-faced people.

Photos: Heiko Kalmbach; Matt Sprake/NEWSPICS LTD; Getty; Johan Persson; James Day

£25

Jan 1, 12pm-11pm Oxo Tower Wharf, SE1 9PH Blackfriars harveynichols.com

This new exhibition is guaranteed to brighten up gloomy January as it focuses on light as a medium with a variety of installations, environments and tricks of the eye.

LONDON SHORT FILM FESTIVAL ACROSS LONDON

£5+

Jan 30-Apr 20, Hayward Gallery SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

LONDON MIME FEST ACROSS LONDON Britain’s premier aerial theatre group, Ockham’s Razor, open 2013’s festival of art-circus, illusion, animatronics and puppetry and dark clown theatre. Cutting edge and without words (see Circle of Eleven, above left), this highly entertaining fest shows you don’t have to shout loudest to be the best or the most inventive. £10+

Jan 10-27, various venues mimelondon.com

This festival showcases the finest in short film-making talent.

As well as entries from across the world there will be a host of parties, live music and cinematic experiments. The band Breton will lead a special ‘live cinema’ event, too. £5+

Jan 4-13. Various times Various shortfilms.org.uk

THE REST IS NOISE SOUTH BANK The Southbank Centre hosts this festival, bringing to life Alex Ross’s book on 20thcentury music with 250 events including films, concerts and exhibitions from contemporary classical performers to Liza Minnelli. £10+

Jan 17-Jun 9 SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

STRICTLY WINTER SWING SOUTH BANK If you’re not all danced out after New Year’s Eve, then the Royal Festival Hall is holding this free swing dance session on the afternoon of New Year’s Day. There are classes to get you to grips with the ballroom moves from 2pm to 3pm, and then you can take to the floor to show off your new-found skills and moves to tunes from the 1920s through to the 1950s.

FREE

Jan 1, 2-6pm Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

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LONDONDRINKS

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Pratt-free: [Caption] a top local pub‘n’grub

PUB THE SCENE One of the latest to open on Streatham High Road, this pub-restaurant is a local treat. Rustic with sparse decor inside, it has the right amount of wellsourced woodwork and contradictorily matched tables and chairs to give it quirk, but not pretension. There’s a quieter, candlelit dining area at the rear, frequent bands and musical performances, too (from indie acoustic duos to Elvis impersonators), plus board games for settling in for a Sunday afternoon sesh.

THE GRUB There’s standard pub fare that’s simple, but heartily solid – burgers, hand-cut chips (just chips, no twice-cooked nonsense), beer-battered cod and pork belly. They do a cracking Saturday brunch and are famed locally for their sterling Sunday roast – we tried, we were full. Sausage rolls and scotch eggs snacks sit bar-side to accompany that on-the-way-home pint, too.

BEHIND THE BAR A healthy selection of beers and ales (Heineken, Grolsch, Meantime Pale Ale, Cotswold Wheat Beer, Jaipur and more) with various weekly guest ales.

BILL PLEASE Beers from £3.60; ales from £3.30; wines from £2.45 (glass), £4.95 (carafe) and £13.75 (bottle).

VERDICT It’s a quality local that is great for passing away a few hours of a weekend, ideally suited for a group night out, and well-equipped for a slap-up, but not bank-emptying, dinner. Thumbs up! ALASDAIR MORTON

103 Streatham High Street, SW16 1HJ

prattsandpayne.com

Streatham

BLUE ANCHOR

3 OF THE BEST MULLED WINE

Inside this Hammersmith pub you’ll feel as though you’ve stepped into a Dickens novel.

Serving beer since 1722, it’s one of London’s oldest boozers. Grab a mulled wine in the River Room overlooking the Thames. blueanchorlondon.co.uk

WINTER WONDERLAND More like heaven for lovers of warming, spiced-up booze and tasty meaty treats.

There’s always a stand or bar serving up mulled wine (and cider) in sight at this fiesta with a Germany flavour. hydeparkwinterwonderland.com

HIDE BAR The mulled wine’s so popular at this Bermondsey St bar that an entire urn is made daily to meet the demand.

For a unique winter specialty drink, go with the Tom and Jerry, a blend of spiced warm milk and Jamaican rum. thehidebar.com

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BITE SIZE ITALIAN JOB Bit of a wine buff? Then this is the place for you. Vinopolis has opened an Italian restaurant, bar and bakery near Borough Market. Also featuring a trattoria, Del Mercato, found under the railway arches, it showcases topnotch cuisine. Think everything from pasta and pizza to classic desserts.

Head to the restaurant for an upmarket dinner, to the trattoria for a more relaxed affair, to the bar for cocktails and cakes, or to the bakery for fresh bread and pizza sold by the slice. Makes a nice change from turkey. vinopolis.co.uk

STAG NIGHT Hosting a party on New Year’s Eve? Then best get your cocktail-making skills ready. Red Stag by Jim Beam – a cherry-infused bourbon – has launched some helpful recipes. For a Winter Manhattan, mix orange bitters, 50ml of Red Stag, 15ml Sourz Apple and 15ml Sweet Vermouth for a classy affair. It’s available from £19.49 from Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s or Morrisons. jimbeam.com/red-stag

SLICE OF THE CARIBBEAN For a rum-heavy night in style, head to the newly reopened Rum Kitchen in Notting Hill. The refurbished venue has been billed as “Club Tropicana meets Portobello” with an impressive menu of delicious fruity cocktails.

There’s a rum cellar with 100 options as well as food with a Caribbean twist – expect salt fish bruschetta, jerk chicken and curried goat. The music is curated by DJ Fast (from Fun Lovin’ Criminals), so expect to be tapping your feet to the beat in no time.

Quaint: Fifty Six

FIFTY SIX MODERN EUROPEAN THE SCENE Fifty Six is the kind of modest, relaxed local brasserie that characters in Zadie Smith novels go to for existential crises and delicious meals; the kind of place that you’d probably always assumed existed solely in those novels – family run, reasonably priced, with attentive staff serving delicious uncomplicated food. It’s fair to say that the decor at Fifty Six is unassuming, and might be an incongruous setting for something like a birthday celebration or a hot date. But if you’re a sensible person who’s more bothered about what the food tastes like and the quality of service than how shiny the floors are, then you’re in luck. The warm terracotta walls, gold handrails, dark wooden floor and tables of Fifty Six make it a profoundly cosy spot for a mid-winter mid-week catch up with an old pal.

THE GRUB A comprehensive mains menu of French-influenced modern European dishes is supplemented by solid chargrill options. I opt for the deep-fried squid with spicy anchovy mayonnaise to start, mainly because I suspect it’s either going to be foul or utterly delicious, and thankfully it’s the latter. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how my dining partner’s smoked haddock fishcake with poached egg and hollandaise starter tasted, as it had disappeared before I could indulge my professional curiosity – a ringing endorsement, I’d hazard. My main of lamb steak was perfectly cooked, and the sides of mushrooms and mash were bountiful for the price. But the salmon gravadlax salad with mustard and horseradish sauce was the meal’s stand-out dish, wonderfully balancing big flavours. The homemade desserts, at a fiver each, are hard to find fault with either.

The concise wine list offers carafes of several high quality bottles, which is a considerate touch. Bottles from £14; bottles of beer from £3.50.

BILL PLEASE This is the good bit: Starters from £4; mains from £6.75; pudding £5.

VERDICT Quaint and cosy, with wonderfully attentive staff and an immodestly affordable menu, everywhere deserves a restaurant like Fifty Six. OLI JONES BEHIND THE BAR

therumkitchen.com 56 Newington Green, N16 9PX

fifty-six.co.uk

Dalston Junction, Canonbury

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CHATROOM

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Chris Ramsey The Geordie stand-up on his lucky life, being a non-sports fan and imitating Steve Buscemi INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

With TV stardom, sell-out shows around the UK and a Foster’s Award nom, has your year’s huge success surprised you?

It has come as a surprise. I talk about it in the new show, Feeling Lucky, I can’t believe people are coming out to listen to me chat shit. It’s hard getting used to being someone’s night out.

Where did the idea for this third solo show come from?

It’s about being lucky in doing this job, being lucky to be here, to exist. It is not as wet as it sounds, though! I take an idea Bill Bryson talks about in A Short History Of Nearly Everything, about how it’s a fluke we’re all here. I talk about that for four minutes and then my personal life.

You sold out your whole Edinburgh run...

Yeah, and I added four shows.

You didn’t suffer any ‘Olympics effect’?

No. All the comedians were going: “It’s a nightmare.” I had to go: “Yeah, real nightmare.”

What’s the luckiest thing in your life?

My best mate Jason Cook writing Hebburn – and me ending up landing the lead role. I heard about it the moment he decided to write a sitcom. A lot of his stand-up is personal stories, and he put them all into a sitcom years ago. Then he revised it and got some interest, then Baby Cow [production company] got involved, and then the BBC. How were you cast?

It was nothing to do with being Jason’s friend, he said to Baby Cow he’d written his mate a part – I was supposed to be play the ‘best mate’. I went down to London to read for it and they said I should read for the lead so I did and I got it.

Yours is the non-comedy role, though...

My character, Jack, is the public’s view of [north east England town] Hebburn. In my stand up, I’m quite extravagant, always shouting and acting out stories, so it was nice to be able to sell things with a little look or a glance. The hardest thing was not laughing on set – Vic Reeves [who plays Jack’s father] is hilarious.

Kimberley Nixon plays your wife – what were her impressions of the north east?

Being Buscemi: he should be so lucky I don’t know if she had any. She did wind me up a lot as I’d not acted before. I didn’t have a clue.

People would say things and I’d go “What?” And she’d go, “God you’re an idiot!”

Would you like to do more acting?

I’d love to – stand-up is my main thing, but I would love to get into more of it. I would commit murder to be in Boardwalk Empire!

A very extreme audition...

Yeah, just go in and hold a knife to the director’s throat. I would commit terrible crimes just to wear those suits! I bought this tweed suit recently, it’s from Topman admittedly, but in my head, I look like Steve Buscemi.

How did you get involved with Morgan Spurlock’s New Britannia?

I am a fan of him from Supersize Me. It was me, Joe Calzaghe and Keith Allen talking about sport – Calzaghe being a boxer, Allen doing [football song] Vindaloo, and me as the intermediary as someone who’s not really a sports fan. It was about exploring the difference between the British and American attitudes toward sport.

You’re not a sports fan at all?

I used to love football when I was younger, but it’s so time consuming – a soapie and a sport.

You have to revise so you know what’s going on.

You’ve been on Soccer AM before...

I got kicked off the last time. It was all very lighthearted: someone had sworn the week before, and I didn’t actually swear I just said something slightly rude. It will all be explained in my next solo show [it involved a horse, bumming and a dad].

How did you get started in stand-up?

Through my friend, Carl Hutchinson, who’s now my support act. We were friends from college, and he decided he was going to start doing stand-up, so I did too. Then it became a job before I knew it. I packed in university halfway through my third year and that was that.

What have you learned so far?

How to read an audience, how far to go with them, and when they’re getting restless. You need to structure it, like writing a short novel.

Who are your comedy idols?

Billy Connolly and Lee Evans. I was captivated by the idea that one man and a microphone can have a whole room hanging on their every word.

My dream line-up would be Connolly, Evans, Jason Cook and Chris Rock – and I would get to be the host.

Chris Ramsey plays Bloomsbury Theatre.

Jan 11 & 12. £15 8pm WC1H 0AH thebloomsbury.com Euston Square

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Reaching? Cruise wants to make Jack a franchise

JACK REACHER FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Tom Cruise, Rosamund Pike | 15 | 130mins | On general release December 26

THE IMPOSSIBLE FILM STARRING: Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor | 12A | 114mins

Watts and McGregor star in this drama about a family’s survival of the 2004 tsunami that struck south-east Asia.

With a frenetic opening salvo in which the wave strikes, this tells of the family’s post-wave struggle to survive and find each other. From Spanish director Juan Antonio Bayona (The Orphanage) this will need to sustain the pace post-wave to succeed.

On general release January 1

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Cruise does his best hardman impression as Lee Child’s no-nonsense detective Jack Reacher, but it is the writer’s story – adapted from ninth eponymous novel One Shot by writer-director Christopher McQuarrie – that is the main appeal here.

There was much online consternation when Cruise cast himself as the six-footfive Reacher, a gruff anti-hero living off the grid who metes out justice as he sees fit and not as the law dictates. After a sniper attack sees a former army colleague collared, Reacher joins forces with feisty district attorney Helen (a frequently baffled-looking Rosamund Pike) to find out who is really responsible.

McQuarrie made his name with The Usual Suspects and opts for a similar POV-juggling approach as Reacher’s investigation unfolds. A method-and-tactics approach to action (as seen in his similarly realism-based thriller The Way Of The Gun) informs the set pieces, too, especially a low-key but tension-filled car chase.

Led heavily by Child’s tightly plotted pen, there’s little room left for detailed characterisation and as big screen detective fiction often finds (see The Da Vinci Code, Sherlock Holmes), it’s difficult to convey the methods of the mind that crack the case. Alas, much of Reacher’s case cracking is left to exposition-heavy conversation. Moments of levity are well-timed, though (Helen asking Reacher to put on a shirt as it is too distracting follows McQuarrie’s conspicuous framing of Cruise’s pecs) and there is a scenery-chewing villain, documentary maker Werner Herzog’s The Zec. Reacher is solid and the franchise deserves at least one more go.

GOOD FOR: Seeing Cruise play against type (sort of) as the famed anti-hero Reacher

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GIVE US A

HEADLINERS: NEW YEAR’S EVE COMEDY

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

With so many comedy shows this festive period, you’re spoilt for choice. This New Year’s Eve-er, with Mike Gunn (right), Pete Johansson, Addy Van Der Borgh and John Mann, looks like a cracker. Tucked away in a highly atmospheric pub in west London, what could be better than celebrating NYE with a belly-full of laughs?

The George IV W4 2DR. Dec 31. £25 Turnham Green headlinerscomedy.com

A BIGGER SPLASH

SLEEPING BEAUTY

EXHIBITION

BALLET

This exhib looks at the relationship between performance and painting in the second half of the 20th century. Featuring key works by the likes of Jackson Pollock, David Hockney and Cindy Sherman, it compares and contrasts various pieces, considering how performance informed their creation.

Matthew Bourne’s new Sleeping Beauty is an inventively gothic affair – beginning in 1890 and ending in the present day – as long-term collaborator Lez Brotherston provides stunning designs. The pre-recorded music may bug purists but, with nods to different dance styles and cheeky inventions, this ballet’s a treat. LK

Tate Modern Bankside, SE1 9TG. Until April 1. £10 Blackfriars tate.org.uk

Sadler’s Wells Roseberry Avenue, EC1R 4TN. Until Jan 26. £12+ Angel sadlerswells.com

DAVID ELMS What will the Wimbledon show be about? It will be a lovely mix of songs and polite jokes.

Who inspired you to pick up a mic? My girlfriend introduced me to comedy. She took me to see Tim Key and Jonny Sweet, and then we wrote a show together.

How did your first show go?

There was a competition at uni that some of my friends were doing.

I entered and read a poem in my underwear. They gave me third place, but I think partly out of pity.

Photos: Catherine Ashmore

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen? On holiday last year there was a teenage boy who looked like Butthead from Beavis And Butthead.

QUARTET

KISS ME, KATE

FILM

THEATRE

Dustin Hoffman makes his directorial debut with this charming comedy drama about the members of a retirement home for former musicians – featuring Billy Connolly, Maggie Smith and Michael Gambon – and their staging of one last show. Old age-themed laughs are matched with the realities of retirement and failing health in what is a quietly understated but moving movie.

Hannah Waddingham is Lilli, rehearsing a musical adaptation of Shakespeare’s The Taming Of The Shrew with her ex-husband, director and co-star Fred. With Cole Porter’s classic tunes, Sam and Bella Spewack’s book interweaves postmarital off-stage spats with on-stage sparring.

From the opening number, it’s hard to resist. LK

On general release January 1

The Old Vic The Cut, SE1 8NB. Until Mar 2. £11+ Waterloo oldvictheatre.com

What’s the most challenging aspect of being an ‘improvert’?

There are some accents that I can’t do, so if another player announces me as geordie/brummie or Welsh, it gets pretty weird. Luckily it’s funny when you mess up, too.

Wimbledon Comedy Club. Jan 6. £4 Bertie’s Bar, SW19 3TA Wimbledon wimbledoncomedy.co.uk The Wilmington Arms. Jan 8. £5 EC1R 4RL Farringdon thewilmingtonarms.co.uk

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Shooting 2013: Clockwise from top left: The Great Gatsby; Iron Man 3; Jack The Giant Slayer; Elysium; Oz The Great And Powerful; Man Of Steel; The Wolverine; Cloud Atlas

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FILMFOCUS

The Mayans know fuck all As this stellar line-up of films and bands shows, the apocalypsepredicting doom-mongers had it all wrong: 2013 will be truly epic!

WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON

Last year gave us one of the biggest films of all time, again, with The Avengers, but 2013’s looking to go one better.

Comic books go dark, Oz has a new hero (sort of) and Clark Kent returns to the big screen to take up his role as king of the superheroes. Seriously, 2012, you had it easy!

∑ THE FILMS The one with bite: The Wolverine Hugh Jackman became a star as the sideburned mutant but Wolfy’s first solo outing, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, was muted by its who’s-who cast. This post-X-Men: The Last Stand sequel, based on a Japanese-set comic story, should make Logan a standalone star with a bulkier, more character-focused script.

Released July 26

The dark Stark: Iron Man 3 Iron Man Tony Stark finds his dark side in the third Robert Downey Jr starring solo outing from writer-director Shane Black (Hollywood legend behind Eighties hits including Lethal Weapon). With Guy Pearce up to no good and Ben Kingsley’s villain Mandarin, Stark is facing his biggest struggle yet.

Released April 26

book movies with 2000’s X-Men, Bryan Singer abandoned the franchise to sink his career somewhat with the multi-millionbucks misfire Superman Returns. His first film in five years sees Nicholas Hoult as a human waging a war against giants in this contemporary reworking of the fabled beanstalk tale.

Released March 22

The new Batman: Man Of Steel Chris Nolan produces a new take on Superman from Zack Snyder (Watchmen) in the hope he can bring some of his Dark Knight magic to DC’s other property. Brit Henry Cavill is the man with his pants on the outside. The mean and moody trailer suggests this will be out of this world.

Released June 14

The sci-fi sequel: Star Trek Into Darkness Despite the shonky title, this should be one of the big hitters, with the returning ensemble cast (Chris Pine’s Kirk, Zachary Quinto’s Spock, Simon Pegg’s Scotty and more) and new boy Benedict Cumberbatch as Trek-lore big bad, Khan (so say the rumours) or John Harrison (says the producer). JJ Abrams’ 2009 reinvention did so-so box office. With Avengers showing that geekdom can be big dollar, he’ll expect better.

Released May 17 ››

The period one: The Great Gatsby Postponed from its December release while Baz Luhrmann tinkers to perfection, this colourful new adaptation of F Scott Fitzgerald’s roaring Twenties state-of-a-nation classic has a stellar cast – Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan. It may be Baz’s biggest, boldest and brashest yet.

Released May 17

The South African one: Elysium Neill Blomkamp’s District 9 follow-up, about a future in which the poor live on Earth and the rich on the titular space-station paradise, is one of the most anticipated movies of the new year. Big cast, big stars – Matt Damon and Jodie Foster – and a big budget mean the pressure’s on the Saffa.

Released September 20

The oddball comeback: Jack The Giant Slayer After basically inventing the contemporary trend for comic

Palma Violets: indie rock's next big thing

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Left: Depp does quirky Tonto to Hammer's Lone Ranger; Quinto, Cumberbatch and Pine in Star Trek Into Darkness

The mainstream oddity: The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp re-teams with his Pirates director Gore Verbinski to play Tonto to Armie Hammer’s Lone Ranger in this fantasytinged adventure makeover of the popular TV show. Depp does his wide-eyed oddball routine a la Jack Sparrow.

Released August 9

The one that could go either way: Cloud Atlas Matrix minds The Wachowskis (Andy and Larry-turned-Lana) hit back from their Speed Racer car crash with this ambitious, era-spanning, sprawling sci-fi epic (adapted from David Mitchell’s 2004 novel) about how our actions connect us all, or something like that. Starring Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Hugh Grant and more, it looks absolutely bonkers.

Released February 22

The new technicolour: Oz The Great And Powerful Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man follow up is this 3D Wizard Of Oz prequel, starring James Franco as a Kansas ’magician’ zapped to the land of the yellow bricks where, helped by witches Mila Kunis, Michelle Williams and Rachel Weisz, he must become the man worth the long walk to see and rise to save Oz. Released March 8

ØAND THE BANDS...

The NME stars to go global: Palma Violets After winning NME's song of the year for their rousing, hook-laden Best Of Friends, this London four-piece are set to take over from where The Vaccines and Howler left off. They holed-up last year in their Studio 180 creative space playing impromptu gigs, and with singer-guitarist Sam Fryer and bass-vocals Chilli Jesson's dual-frontman pairing, the Violets (completed by Pete Mayhew on keys and Will Doyle behind the kit) have laid their roots. Debut 180 is ready to hit in February.

The new sister act: Haim These three sisters – Este, Danielle and Alana – from California are purveyors of pop-influenced blues-rock. They used to play gigs with their parents – and still occasionally do, bless them – and take influences from a wide range (think Led Zeppelin to Britney Spears).

These gals have cross-genre appeal to burn. Watch them soar.

The new Interpol: Savages Or, rather, the new Joy Division. This all-grrl post-punk quartet takes their cues from the likes of Ian Curtis, Sigur Ros and early My Bloody Valentine on their atmosphere-drenched double A-side single Flying To Berlin and Husband. A moody, literate troupe who have been bashing out tunes together for less than a year, having played their first show as one back in January 2012.

The new singer-storyteller: King Krule This ginger 18-year-old south Londoner – real name Archy Marshall – has turned heads with spiky lyrics and mournful delivery of his street smart new wave songs and stories, fusing elements of Joe Strummer, Jamie T and Plan B into a groove of his own.

Haim: new girls on the block 20

The solo star: Tom Odell Ditching the acoustic guitar in favour of a man at the piano approach, this Chichester-born solo star in the making (right) is hitting all the right notes. The 22-year-old's been writing songs for the best part of a decade already, signed a deal after just four gigs and has drawn comparisons to Jeff Buckley. Lofty but deserved praise.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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STYLE 00

£5.

Edible Eyes Stick them on food at dinner parties. Will anyone notice?

Stylish London

suck.uk.com

Fashionable people unite in these districts

99

£9.

WORDS JADE BREMNER

Humorous bin bags Make the rubbish man smile this season choozen.co.uk

.99

£19

Looking to surround yourself with bo-ho types wearing dickie bows or ball gowns with trainers? Well, you’re in luck, because London is full of neighbourhoods in which the streets overspill with eccentric types riding around on vintage bicycles, en route to buy some lense-free spectacles.

Meanwhile, other areas of the city offer a more old-fashioned sense of style, where the privileged roll out of bed in Prada negligees, then proceed to promenade the latest haute couture on the streets. So if you’re an aspiring fashionista, here’s where you’ll fit in ...

South Kensington, SW7 STYLE: This is the place the stylish packing

Sun Jar Charge on a warm day, then light up your garden firebox.com

00

£5.

Sake set A pretty way to get sloshed this Christmas tigerstores.co.uk

22

wads of cash in velvet overcoats hang out.

You won’t find many high street catwalkfakes here. “The area has a period charm and a certain je ne sais quoi,” explains Ed Mead, director of Douglas and Gordon real estate agents. “An international glitterati following has raised the profile of the area.”

You’ll need a few bucks to get the look; high fashion stores such as Chanel (chanel.com) are par for the course, and residents will promenade their new threads at the likes of young royals’ fave club Boujis (boujis.com).

AREA: Credit where it’s due, South Ken is not just full of beautifully vacuous fashionistas swanning about the place. The property is as equally stunning. “One of the reasons it feels more stylish is down to the quintessentially British white stucco houses found in the area,” reckons Mead.

TUBE: South Kensington.

Colourful style: in arty Shoreditch Angel, EC1 STYLE: This place is buzzing with Hugh Grant lookalikes and affluent gents. But they don’t flaunt it like those in South Ken. They go for the understated-class look, and they’ll still mingle with the likes of you roughians in the local boozer. Meanwhile, there’s a small community of modern hippies here, too. They live on the nearby canals and sport the “I bought my stripy trousers in Thailand, my oversized cotton shirt in India and my necklace in Nepal” style. Pop into the local Oxfam (oxfam.org.uk) and get the look.

AREA: This happening area is jam-packed with bars, coffee shops and restaurants. Find a caravan and cocktails in Barrio North, an especially trendy bar to hang out in which oozes Latin vibes (barrionorth.com). Angel’s

Dress down in Angel with the cardie and Tee look property is as varied as its style. Choose between barges, flat-fronted terraced townhouses and the odd council estate.

TUBE: Angel.

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MY AREA SARAH GREEN

TEACHER 23

“Camden is one of the more stylish neighbourhoods that you hear about a lot. It’s notorious for its famous market. It’s a very artsy place, with lots of different looks.”

MARK

MACDONALD STUDENT 22

“Spitalfields in east London is full of great style. Every time I’m there I see so many looks I want to replicate. I don’t get the same feeling when I’m in west London.”

Shoreditch, E1 STYLE: The look here has become worldfamous, partly because it’s unashamedly ridiculous – locals wouldn’t bat an eyelid if you were a bloke wearing a tutu, with a parrot on your shoulder and sporting smeared cherry red lipstick. However, that’s Shoreditch’s appeal. Here the arty locals pride themselves on their kooky fashion sense, and their “I only shop in vintage shops and eat falafel” approach to life. To get the look make a beeline for Spitalfields market (spitalfields.co.uk), where you’ll find dozens of peculiar and inventive ensembles from indie designers.

AREA: Here there are plenty of tiny grubby flats filled with aspiring art and fashion students, though the occasional converted warehouse can be found. Of an evening, spot blunt-banged hipsters galore at Dragon bar (138-139 Shoreditch High Street).

TUBE: Shoreditch High Street.

Parsons Green, SW6

Photos: Thinkstock

STYLE: This area shot up in style points when nearby Chelsea ran out of room in which to fit southwest London’s fashionable folks. “It has benefited from four to five years of Chelsea displacement, with wellheeled Brits priced out of Chelsea moving to the borough,” explains Mead. The well-off locals brought their “refined taste” in clothes and food and it changed the landscape. “The shops, bars and restaurants are now catering to a new audience. You’ll now find champagne bars, boutiques and

ALLISON CHILDS RECRUITMENT

DIRECTOR 36

I’m too sexy for this wall gastro pubs in the area,” he adds. You’ll spot plenty of young monied offspring in riding boots, who have just moved out of home, but still want to be close to Mumsie down the road in Chelsea. Two of the area’s young followers of fashion include Katie Diment and Jo Thyne. Their boutique Katie&Jo (katieandjo.com) sells that blazer/ cashmere/ comfy-yet-elegant look familiar to the area. For a night out, quaff bubbly in Amuse Bouche (amusebouchelondon.com), then head to the faux-poncey chain bistro Côte (cote-restaurants.co.uk), which serves fashionably microscopic portions.

AREA: Many of the quiet residental roads off the high street consist of tasteful historic townhouses with beautifully intricate NEXT ISSUE detailing and double bay Can you really get fit windows. playing videogames in your living room?

TUBE: Parsons Green.

“The Portobello area, near Notting Hill, has a lot of style. It’s also got tons of colourful buildings, making it a really cheerful and lively place to wander around of a weekend. ”

LUCY AUZIE

STUDENT 20

“Shoreditch has tons of style.

Everywhere you look there are vintage shops and boutiques.

You don’t find that kind of stuff everywhere in London.”

KATE GUDGEON DIGITAL MANAGER 28

“Shoreditch is becoming more and more stylish. It’s a very young neighbourhood so people aren’t afraid to experiment and there’s always something going on.”

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2012 NEWSREVIEW

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Tribute: a note left near the scene

GUNMAN ON RAMPAGE IN PRIMARY SCHOOL UNITED STATES Seven mass shootings rocked the US in 2012 – the latest in a primary school leaving 27 dead, including 20 children.

On December 14, after killing his mother, Adam Lanza, 20, went on a rampage in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, before turning a gun on himself.

It came after 12 people were killed and 58 injured in a shooting in July in Aurora, Colorado, at a cinema screening of The Dark Knight Rises. In August, six people were shot dead at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin.

After delivering an emotional speech about the latest shooting, President Barack Obama called for action on gun laws.

TWEETS OF THE YEAR @otchy_ Sport aside, Boris Johnson dancing to the Spice Girls was my favourite part of the Olympics @IamEnidColeslaw Jesus, Adele, just burn his house down & get on with your life already @MeganNeuringer I’ll have what HE’S having! (20% higher income ... + global reproductive freedom)

GILLARD ‘A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER’ AUSTRALIA It was an outburst that went viral – and won Julia Gillard support from around the globe.

In a 15-minute speech in October, the Aussie prime minister tore apart leader of the opposition Tony Abbott, who she repeatedly labelled a misogynist.

In a defining moment for feminism in the country, Gillard told Abbott if he wanted to know what misogyny looked 24

One giant leap: Felix Baumgartner leans out of his capsule, 128,000ft above Earth, before falling for 9.03 minutes, landing in New Mexico in October. The 43-year-old Austrian broke several records, including the first skydiver to go faster than the speed of sound, travelling at up to 833.9mph. More than eight million people watched live on YouTube

like, he should pick up a mirror. The tirade came during a debate over whether the speaker of the house should resign for sending text messages that were offensive to women. Gillard added she was “offended on behalf of the women of Australia”.

The Spectator said Abbott had been “carved to pieces”. US political commentary site Jezebel described Gillard as “one badass motherfucker”.

ROYAL PRANK CALL ENDS IN SUICIDE AUSTRALIA It was labelled the “world’s best royal prank call”. However, three days after the hoax aimed at the hospital treating Kate Middleton, the nurse who transferred the call committed suicide.

2Day FM presenters Melanie Greig and Michael Christian pretended to be the Queen and Prince Charles when they called London’s King Edward VII Hospital. They duped Jacintha Saldanha into putting them through to the nurse treating the pregnant Duchess of Cambridge on December 4.

Three days later, married mother-of-two Saldanha was found hanged. After a media “witch hunt”, the presenters were said to be receiving psychological counselling. They made a TV appearance, stating they were “heartbroken” after her death.

Southern Cross Austereo has launched an investigation after promising to donate more than £326,000 to Saldanha’s family, who are demanding answers from the hospital. Her body was repatriated to India where she was buried.

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THIS YEAR

IN NUMBERS 5.8

Amount, in US dollars, spent on the American presidential election campaign, making it the costliest in history

Number, in millions, of meals served throughout the London 2012 Olympic Games from 40 locations in the capital

Inquiry: police stand near the bodies of miners shot dead during a strike

1.2

34 MINERS ‘SHOT IN BACK’ AT MINE STRIKE

14

People, in millions, estimated to have lined the royal pageant route along the Thames to watch the Queen’s Jubilee flotilla

SOUTH AFRICA Thirty-four miners were killed and 78 were injured when police opened fire during a strike over pay in August.

The South African Police Service used rubber bullets, tear gas and water cannons to control former employees of the mine who formed a blockade to prevent half the workforce from getting to work.

Post-mortem examinations revealed most of the victims were shot in the back – contradicting police claims they only opened fire after being shot at.

Lawyers for the victims’ families claim the miners, in Marikana, near Johannesburg, were shot because of officers’ apartheid-era mindset.

An inquiry, set to last four months, will now continue until June 2013.

RACIST BUS RANT: 2.39 MINUTES OF ABUSE

Photos: Getty; AAP

AUSTRALIA Since it was posted in November, the YouTube clip of a racist bus rant in Melbourne has been viewed more than 4.2 million times.

For 2.39 minutes, the world watched as five Australians hurled abuse at a French girl for singing in her native language as they travelled through the suburbs.

“Aussie, Aussie, Aussie” chanted a woman passenger, before another shouted: “Speak English or die”, then threatened

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The landmark number New Zealand’s population was predicted to reach on Nov 1, before increasing by one, 15 minutes later

Racist?: one of the men identified in the YouTube clip to cut off the victim’s breasts. The clip was filmed by passenger Mike Nayna, who said he uploaded the video to try to “shame” those involved.

After outrage from around the globe, two people were arrested over the incident. No charges have been brought and police say the investigation is ongoing.

GANGNAM STYLE TOPS YOUTUBE 2012 CHART WORLD WIDE WEB No, it wasn’t an epic historical feat which made it to the top of the mostwatched YouTube videos in 2012. It was Psy’s Gangnam Style.

With 983 million views worldwide, it beats last year’s winner Rebecca Black’s Friday by 700 million.

Also on the top-10 list was Kony2012 with 95 million views at number three.

The film was made to raise awareness of alleged war criminal Joseph Kony.

While Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney ››

4,444,444

QUOTE OF THE YEAR If he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn’t need a motion in the House ... he needs a mirror Julia Gillard gives Tony Abbott (see story, left) what for in a 15minute rant which went viral

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TICKETS TO STOMP Now celebrating its 11th sensational year on the London stage, Stomp p is now fresher, faster and funnier than ever before.

This multi-award-winning show has long been astounding audiences across the world with the universal language of rhythm, theatre, comedy and dance.

Eight performers use everything from Zippo lighters, plastic bags, bin lids and even the kitchen sink to hammer out an explosively feelgood rhythm. In the summer of 2012, Stomp p wowed billions when it took centre stage at the epic closing ceremony of the London Olympics. With new routines, new

choreography and new music, Stomp is pure stage magic!

The annual promotion Get Into London Theatre is returning this winter, offering tickets at £10, £15, £25 and £35 to top London shows for performances from January 1 to February 15 2013.

To celebrate we are giving away four tickets to the hit West End show Stomp, including a stage tour.

Tickets are now on sale for more than 50 shows ranging from plays to musicals and opera to ballet.

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2012 NEWSREVIEW

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London 2012: our last three ‘top 12 stories from 2012’ fall under ‘London.’

The capital kicked off the year in style, with millions tuning in and lining up for the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations. But 2012’s top events were the Olympic and Paralympic Games. Surging beyond expectations, they were deemed the best Games yet, with Danny Boyle’s Olympics Opening Ceremony branded “inspiring”. Team GB went on to rule the waves (see P29) in the medal charts, while Australia took to calling NZ’s tally its own under an ‘Aus Zealand’ banner. The momentum continued for the Paralympics as we watched top-class athletes battle to deliver gold time and again. What memories! And what a year!

Epic Rap Battles Of History Season 2 took the number five spot with 46 million viewers. YouTube said: “This year, Korean pop music transcended boundaries and took the world by storm.

“2012 has been a big year for YouTube.

You’ve been watching over four billion hours of video a month.”

SAVILE ‘STAGGERING’ SEX ABUSE CLAIMS UNITED KINGDOM Jimmy Savile was well known as an eccentric children’s TV presenter.

However, it wasn’t until the year after his death, in 2011, aged 84, that the sordid details of his private life were exposed.

Hundreds of allegations of child sex abuse and rape over the past 60 years

– including attacks on hospital patients – were made public, with police launching a criminal investigation.

Inquiries into the NHS and BBC, where Savile, who raised £40m for charities during his life, spent most of his career, have been set up.

Police have said the alleged abuse is on an “unprecedented scale” and the number of potential victims is “staggering”.

SUPERSTORM SANDY BATTERS AMERICA UNITED STATES America braced itself for Superstorm Sandy, which wreaked havoc across its east coast and the Caribbean.

The tropical hurricane hit 24 states, killing 132 people – including at least 54

in Haiti – and hit speeds of up to 90mph.

New York was devastated on October 29, with flooded streets and subway lines, and was plunged into darkness as the 1000mile-wide storm ripped out power cables.

The storm also derailed normal campaigning for the US presidential election, which took place a week later.

At the time, Barack Obama said: “I’m not concerned at this point about the impact on the election.

“I’m concerned about the impact on families, I’m worried about the impact on our first responders, I’m worried about the impact on our economy, our transportation.

The election will take care of itself.”

About £1.55bn has so far been claimed for Sandy damage from insurance giants Lloyd’s of London.

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2012 SPORTREVIEW

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Wayne Rooney couldn’t watch

AMAZING SPAIN AND POMS PAY PENALTY FOOTBALL England crashed out of the Euro 2012 on penalties – again – after a goalless quarter-final against Italy in Kiev.

Roy Hodgson worked wonders in no time with the side, but the Three Lions were left heartbroken again. Ashley Young hit the bar and Italian keeper Gianluigi Buffon saved from Ashley Cole, leaving Italy to win the shootout 4-2.

England captain Steven Gerrard said: “We leave with our heads held high – but it doesn’t help with the heartbreak.”

As consolation, awesome Spain made the Italians cry when they flogged them 4-0 in the final. Spain became the first team to take three major titles in a row, having won Euro 2008 and the 2010 World Cup.

FOOTY CODES: A TALE OF TWO WRONG CITIES AFL & RUGBY LEAGUE It was all arse over tit in Australasia’s two major footy codes after both the league and AFL titles went to teams from the wrong state.

The Sydney Swans downed Melbourne’s Hawthorn by 10 points in a see-sawing upset thriller. They finished 14.7 (91) to 11.15 (81) in front of 99,683 fans.

The Melbourne Storm beat CanterburyBankstown Bulldogs 14-4 in the final, and they got to keep this one as they weren’t cheating on the salary cap. Halfback Cooper Cronk was the Clive Churchill Medalist for man of the match.

Was it redemption after they had two premierships stripped from them? “It’s not,” skipper and 2012 world player of the year Cameron Smith said.

Essendon Bomber Jobe Watson was the Brownlow medalist.

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Winners are grinners: Sydney Swans Jarrad McVeigh and Jude Bolton celebrate the AFL Grand Final win

LANCE NOT FORGIVEN OR FORGOTTEN CYCLING We learned some things are too good to be true when the UCI backed the US Anti Doping Agency and said Lance Armstrong had been involved in the “most sophisticated doping programme that sport has ever seen”.

“Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling and deserves to be forgotten,” they said in their damning, and long, report.

His reaction? He removed “7-time Tour de France winner” from his Twitter account when he was stripped of the titles and posted a pic of himself lounging in a room with his seven yellow jerseys on the wall.

“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse,” he was quoted saying at an event for his Livestrong charity, from which he’s now stood down.

A RARE MARE AND THE SUPERB STALLION HORSE RACING Two of the greatest horses ever stole the show on the racetrack this year.

Aussie mare Black Caviar reached 22 wins from the same starts with her first overseas run in the Jubilee Stakes at Royal Ascot in June.

Then came big boy Frankel, who was retired after 13 wins from 13 starts after winning his last start at Royal Ascot on a heavy track in October’s Champion Stakes.

Trainer Sir Henry Cecil, who’s said the horse has helped his battle against stomach cancer, said: “He’s the best I’ve ever had, the best I’ve ever seen.”

Jockey Tom Queally said it best after riding the winner in front of 35,000 fans.

“I always think the best time to leave a party is when you least want to,” he said.

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QUOTES OF THE YEAR Miracles do happen in Manchester. Only this time it’s on this side of the road Bingo! Clockwise: Wiggins after Le Tour; Andy kisses the US Open cup; Sally Pearson sees it’s gold

Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini after his side won the Premier League over rivals United on goal difference

It’s what I came here to do. I’m now a legend.

I’m the greatest athlete to live Jamaica’s Usain Bolt after he became the first man to win back-to-back 100m and 200m titles at the Olympics

[Caption]

I think everybody pees SLIM PICKINGS DOWN UNDER IF IT’S NOT WET OLYMPICS

TENNIS

Without water, Kiwis and Aussies had bugger all to celebrate at London 2012.

Hurdler Sally Pearson and cyclist Anna Meares were the only on-land golds for Oz. One in the pool, three in sailing and one in canoeing made a dismal total of seven gold with 16 silvers.

NZ shot-putter Valerie Adams got gold when her Belarusian defeater was disqualified. Three rowing, one sailing and one canoeing gave them a tally of five.

Emotional roller coaster wouldn’t do Andy Murray’s year justice. Through tears he said “I’m getting closer” after losing the Wimbledon final to Roger Federer. And how right he was.

He broke his Grand Slam duck in the US Open against world number one Novak Djokovic. It was his fifth Slam final.

Then he backed it up and won Olympic gold, rolling Federer 6-2 6-1 6-4 where he’d been beaten four weeks prior.

TEAM GB TRIUMPH TRUMPS SOLO STARS

WIGGO A GUN RIDER AND A CRACK-UP

OLYMPICS

Photos: Getty

MAGIC MURRAY GOES CRY BABY TO CHAMP

Team GB took five days to get gold number one, but then it was a rush of 29 golds from 65 medals.

Highlights included Chris Hoy taking over as GB’s greatest Olympian, Katherine Grainger taking gold after silver every Games since 2000 and six golds on Aug 4 alone, including Jessica Ennis, and long jumper Greg Rutherford celebrating his win as Mo Farah triumphed in the 10,000m.

CYCLING Not only did we find out how freakishly Bradley Wiggins can ride, he also has personality to burn – and not because of his BBC award.

On the Tour de France winners podium he joked to thousands he was about to “draw the raffle numbers”. The Team Sky leader held onto the yellow jersey from stage seven. Then he went and won gold in the Olympic road race a week later. Freak!

in the pool. It’s kind of a normal thing to do. Chlorine kills it so it’s not bad Another reason rivals will be happy the greatest ever Olympian Michael Phelps has now retired from swimming

TWEETS OF THE YEAR

@BradleyWiggins What a day, blind drunk and overwhelmed with all the messages, Thank You everyone it’s been emotional [with a photo of him having a well-earned beer] @QuadeCooper If people want to go out there and play a boring brand of football then there’s other guys they can pick to do that. @gonnnzo If they banned crying and hugging from the Olympics, the whole thing would take a day and a half tops. @MichaelPhelps “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

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2012 SPORTREVIEW

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Lasting image: Mo Farah copies Usain Bolt’s trademark move and the Jamaican returns the favour – is this the Mobolt?

RYDER CUP: EURO’S MIRACLE AT MEDINAH GOLF Was it the greatest comeback of all time? We can’t think of one better.

Europe was down 10-4 to a rampant US and were gone for all money, but then the surge began until the final match didn’t even matter. Europe won. Englishman Ian Poulter, among a field of major winners, went through undefeated.

“The Ryder Cup is what memories and dreams are made of,” he said. “We just knew we had a chance and you know what, this is history right here.”

ALL BLACKS BREAK HOODOO THEN RULE RUGBY With the 2011 World Cup theirs – finally – it was time to dominate for the Kiwis, who went on a 20-match unbeaten run until beaten by England.

They won a 10th Bledisloe Cup in a row over Australia, who celebrated a draw with them like a win. Dan Carter was IRB Player of the Year while coach Steve Hansen won coach of the year.

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CLARKE CARRIES OZ THROUGH TEST YEAR CRICKET Australian captain Michael Clarke came of age in 2012, becoming the first player to score four double centuries in a calendar year – and against top opposition in South Africa and India.

England’s Alastair Cook must get plaudits for his outstanding three centuries against India, who his side beat on home turf for the first time in 28 years.

Australia’s women beat England in the T20 World Cup final in Sri Lanka.

Aussie captain Clarke

AT LEAST ONE OF THE ‘BEST GAMES EVER’ OLYMPICS No one declared it “the best ever” like in Sydney, but it was bloody brilliant.

London knows how to put on a show!

Impossible to forget performances included Usain Bolt’s double-double, David Rudisha’s 800m and US women’s 4x100m breaking a record, which had stood since 1985, and Michael Phelps ending his career with an 18th gold in a total of 22 medals.

But the overall winner was London.

All Black Carter

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TIME FOR TEA An Indian girl prepares to perform at the Darjeeling Tea and Tourism Festival in the northern hill town of Darjeeling

Photos: Getty

INSIDE

CAST AWAY /34

WIND AND WAVES /38

OVER THE BRIDGE /42

We head to the Isles of Scilly off the Cornish coast for a remote island retreat, with stacks of seal spotting to boot.

Freezing waters and chilly, blustery winds aren’t enough to put us off kitesurfing while on a trip to Ireland’s wild Achill Island.

Cooler, cheaper, sexier: forget Manhattan and mosey across to Brooklyn when you hit the Big Apple, using our foolproof guide.

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Perfect peace: the Isles of Scilly

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Isles of Scilly UNITED KINGDOM

WALES

ENGLAND London

Isles of Scilly

GETTING THERE The most affordable option is by ferry from Penzance, which costs £42.50 each way. islesofscilly-travel.co.uk The ferry docks at St Mary’s, and smaller boats to other islands run from 10.15am, with return prices from £8.20. scillyboating.co.uk

Dibble & Grub overlooks Porthcressa Beach in St Mary’s, serving breakfast, lunch, tapas, gourmet burgers and cocktails. Local products and seasonal menus are on offer. dibbleandgrub.com On Tresco island, eat at the Ruin Beach Café, which has its own woodfire pizza oven and perfect beachside views. Pizzas start from £8. (tel. 01720 424849).

The Atlantic Inn is one of many dotted around St Mary’s near where the ferry drops you off – but the terrace overlooking the harbour sets it apart. (tel. 01720 422323).

Fancy a drink in a castle dungeon? Then head to Dungeon Bar at the Star Castle Hotel, and sip an ale in the bowels of a converted hilltop fortress from 1593. star-castle.co.uk The Isles of Scilly Country Guesthouse is in the middle of St Mary’s, surrounded by countryside. Rooms start at £29.50pppn, depending on time of year. scillyguesthouse.co.uk

Clockwise from above: see grey seals; enjoy isolated beaches; on sea safari 34

The New Inn is the only pub on the island of Tresco, walking distance from Cromwell’s Castle. Room prices from £55 per night, depending on time of year. (tel. 01720 422849).

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UKTRIP

Cast away We head to the Isles of Scilly for a remote island retreat, with stacks of seal spotting to boot

Photos: simplyscilly.co.uk, britainonview.com, Thinkstock

WORDS CHRIS ANDERSON

For some reason, I’ve always been fascinated by the Isles of Scilly. I remember when I first spotted them on a map at school, and immediately felt cheated regarding a family holiday to Cornwall a few months earlier. I‘d stood at Land’s End and believed I was looking out over the water towards America; that day at school, I realised I wasn’t – the Isles of Scilly had sat between Land’s End and me.

In fact, the Isles of Scilly lie just 28 miles from west Cornwall’s famous headland, made up of islands of varying sizes – five of which are currently inhabited. The biggest of the islands, St Mary’s, is less than five miles wide, and from there you can jump on any number of small boats that will take you to the neighbouring islands.

An essential Scilly experience is a seal-spotting sea safari, as grey seals are often found around the shores of the North Atlantic. Island Sea Safaris, run by Mark and Susie Groves, takes you on a two-hour journey from St Mary’s around several of the islands. “The seals tend to be found at three specific locations,” Susie informs us one breezy September afternoon. “So we’ll be visiting each of them. You’ve come at a good time of year, too, as this is when the seals tend to have given birth, so we’ll be on the lookout for pups.”

The promise is of some consolation as the boat races out of the harbour, bouncing in belly-worrying fashion over the waves as it gets up to speed. Ahead lies one of the uninhabited islands, Samson, identifiable by its two small hills dotted with ruins, and to the left, on the horizon, the silhouette of the lighthouse at Bishop Rock. We pass Tresco and Bryher on our right, and soon slow to a small rocky alcove to attempt our first sighting.

Susie hands out binoculars, and scanning the coast, it isn’t long before we see the first seal – a large head bobs around in the water, with a small bundle of white fur crawling on the rocks behind. “That’s mother and baby,” says Susie, pointing out how the mother is looking back at her young. “They only stay with the pups for two weeks, though, and that’s it.”

The boat engine soon kicks into life again and is back off across the sea. The next stop is on slightly rougher waters, between two sets of spiky rocks. Six or seven seals stare at us curiously from afar, their bodies submerged. “They like to know what’s going on,” says Susie. “And here is one of

the few places that seals will give birth on rocks, most of the time they prefer sandy beaches.”

The rocks must have an alluring quality – a large amount of ships have crashed into them over the years, as Mark demonstrates, passing around a book of photographs showing various wrecks at the sea bed.

“That’s Scilly Rock over there,” Mark says, pointing at a large, imposing shape protruding from the water. “In thick fog, you wouldn’t see it. In the 1800s a boat from Bangkok carrying rice hit that and sank, and within 12 hours, another one from South America carrying rum and coconuts crashed

“

Six or seven seals stare at us curiously

”

into the other side.” It’s not the most reassuring testament to exploring the Scillies’ waters, but it’s worth hitting the waves to see the cute seals, and if you visit between April and July you can also spot puffins.

Be sure to spend some time on dry land, too, though.

St Mary’s, being the first island you arrive at, is your hub for getting elsewhere. The majority of the landscape here is fields and coastal paths, great for walking, and being 28 miles from the mainland, cut off from crazy commuter life, does show. What you notice most is the peace and quiet, and the friendly attitude of the islanders. Smaller islands such as Tresco are even more subdued, with a single pub/hotel and one or two small shops and restaurants.

Put plainly, if you like the idea of a simple island getaway, the Scillies really couldn’t be any easier. ❚

NEXT ISSUE

The two-hour ‘Shipwrecks, Seals and Seabirds’ trip costs £32pp with islandseasafaris.co.uk For more info on the Scilly Isles, go to simplyscilly.co.uk

Ale trail: Our pick of England’s cosiest pubs for winter drinks

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TOP FIVE

VOLCANOES

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MOLOKINI CRATER, HAWAII

Tucked away

THE ARAMAY OVERVIEW This boutique B&B in the cute Cornish village of St Agnes is worth finding, but there are no guarantees that you will. Tucked down a greenery-fringed driveway off a tiny country lane, even if you do manage to locate it, there’s the mettle-testing matter of a Herculean motor vehicle manoeuvre to get off the lane and into the car park. Still, persevere and you’ll find a small but perfectly formed little nest just moments’ walk from the nearest surf beach and a handful of sleepy pubs.

The village is just a 30-minute drive from happening Newquay if you’re after some action.

WOW FACTOR Two things: this is not one of those establishments in which the hostess wants to grill you about your family tree every time you walk through the front door – we were left in perfect peace on our visit. The other is the full English breakfast, cooked to order and still making cameos in our feverish dreams today.

ROOMS The word is probably ‘pokey’, but what the rooms lack in square metres, they make up for in style.

Each has been decorated differently, but all are contemporary and cosy, and come with en suite, TV, DVD player and bathrobes. Oh, and Cornish shortbread.

BILL PLEASE Twins from £105pn, including breakfast.

Quay Road, St Agnes, Cornwall, TR5 0RP thearamay.com Bodmin Parkway

00 36

When it comes to booking a thrillseeking holiday, some people will pick off-piste snowboarding, some may lean towards camping in the barren desert and some may want to wrap a chord around their feet and jump off bridges – pah! These activities are for wimps, when compared to standing on the lip of a mountain that spits boiling hot juice. If you’re looking for an epic adventure, climbing and peering into the mouths of these natural deathtraps might well be for you. Let us ease you in to this gently ...

The first volcanic beast on our list is a partially submerged crater. While it’s not exactly dangerous – it last erupted about 230,000 years ago – Molokini is still a sight to behold. The crater itself has a stonking area of 23 acres, and part of it pokes above the water to form a small islet in the ocean between Maui and Kaho’olawe islands, Hawaii.

Visitors can book a glass bottom boat trip and motor right into the belly of the crescent. Then, if they dare, they can jump out, go snorkelling and get up close to the rocks. Rare

marine life also loves this cosy spot.

The crystal-clear visibility (often exceeding 30 metres) means snorkellers and divers can spot turtles and all manner of sea creatures at different depths. The unusual rock, and high algae concentration, attracts a range of colourful critters including 250 strange-looking fish species, such as jacks, emperor fish, hawk fish, bigeye scad and Hawaii’s former state fish, the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Really.

In this area there are also often sightings of humpback whales, which range from 12-16 metres in length.

Blink and you may miss them jumping above the ocean surface, but if you do witness one it will stay imprinted in your memory forever.

To finish off your trip, hang around after your snorkel session and wait for the sun to set. It’s possible to book sightseeing and barbecue trips with tour companies in the area. They’ll cook you a feast, while you crack open a beer, and watch as the orange blob dips on the horizon, behind the crater. mauicharters.com, fourwindsmaui.com

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VILLARRICA, CHILE

Set in the Patagonian Andes, this volcano offers adventure-of-a-lifetime stuff. It’s one of only five volcanoes on Earth with an active lava lake inside its crater. Guided hikes start at the Pucón Ski Resort 1400 metres up, and ascend Villarrica’s snowy peak.

The gruelling hike will take around eight hours, and sights of interest along the way to keep you going include natural glaciers and a chance to peer over into bubbling magma. ecotours.cl

Photos: Thinkstock, thearamay.com

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VOLCANOES

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MERAPI, INDONESIA

Translated as ‘Mountain of Fire,’ this is one of the most active volcanoes on earth. For more than 300 days a year, smoke can be seen bellowing from its mouth. And the brave can dice with death by embarking on a challenging hike to its summit.

En route, walkers will see temples, Buddhas and maybe even some tropical spiders and snakes. Survive the climb, though, and you’ll be rewarded with stunning views over the surrounding national park. indonesia-expedition.com

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TOP FIVE

CERRO NEGRO, NICARAGUA

Aesthetically, Cerro Negro is a bit dull.

But you don’t come here for the photo ops, you come here to whiz down the side of this volcano on a board.

After a steep 45-minute climb on black sand, dressed in orange jumpsuits and goggles, boarders stop at the crater’s rim and get ready to slide down the 728-metre face. The rapid descent is nothing short of absolutely thrilling. vapues.com

5

WHAKAARI, NEW ZEALAND

Captain Cook was the first European to spot this volcano on the North Island’s Bay of Plenty coast. He named it White Island after clapping eyes on the plume of smoke rising in the distance; little did he know that it was more than 200,000 years old.

It’s possible for tourists to get up close to the hissing and roaring crater via helicopter or boat. In a helicopter, you can actually fly into the mouth of the crater or, if you’ve arrived by boat, walk around its edge.

NEXT ISSUE Stuff the resolution: The best gambling breaks abroad

whiteisland.co.nz

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Hang tough: kitesurfing in Achill [Caption]

Achill IRELAND

IRELAND

Achill Galway

DUBLIN

GETTING THERE Fly from London Gatwick to Knock from ÂŁ59 return with Aer Lingus. aerlingus.com Achill is a 75-minute drive from the airport in Knock.

Choppy North Atlantic waters on [Caption] Keel Beach and, far left, Pure Magic 38

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Gone with the Irish wind Freezing waters and chilly, blustery winds aren’t enough to put us off kitesurfing while on a trip to Ireland’s wild Achill Island WORDS DEA BIRKETT

I’m trying to stay upright, but it’s hard. A big kite is attached to my waist on a harness, and I’m bobbing in the North Atlantic Sea like a giant cork. Even in my wetsuit, I’m freezing cold and my fingers feel akin to the contents of a frost-crusted box of fishfingers. The wind is so fierce that the seagulls are practically flying backwards.

Achill Island, part of County Mayo in western Ireland, is a wild place. On its west coast, the two-mile long, broad, sandy Keel Beach is framed by a trio of treeless mountains and the dark Minaun Cliffs. Rain clouds blow towards the island, across the ocean, in an almost constant threat of bad weather – but the same wind blows in plenty of visitors. In the blustery winter months, kitesurfers arrive on Achill from all over the world to do battle with the Atlantic waves.

That’s why I’m here, learning to kitesurf with Francois Colussi, a 34-year-old Frenchman who blew into Achill himself three years ago, took over a local bar in the foothills of Slievemore mountain, and turned it into a kitesurfing school, hostel and pizza restaurant called Pure Magic.

“Ireland is well-known for its big, big swell,” says Colussi, forcing his fingers through salt-stiffened hair. “Kitesurfing is playing with these waves; it’s like a symphony of the waves and the rider.” The Kite Surf Pro World Cup this October attracted over 30 world-class kitesurfers to Achill’s stormy seas, firmly planting this small island on the sport’s map.

But you don’t have to be a professional athlete to kitesurf in Keel. “It’s one of the most extreme sports, but the most accessible. It’s much easier that surfing or windsurfing. You can learn in a weekend,” Colussi assures me. “You don’t need huge upper body strength – you’re powered by the wind.”

I begin with a trainer kite on land. It only measures 2.5sqm, but still threatens to lift me up into the air and dump me back down on the sea-hardened sand. Colussi hugs me from behind, guiding my arms with his hands, showing me how to use the lines, pulling them in and out to make the kite dive and rise in a figure of eight. “Ninety-five per cent of kitesurfing is how to fly the kite,” he says. “It’s like learning to dance, and the kite is your partner. At first, you don’t know when to lean forward a little, to take one step back, to take a step forward.”

After mastering the dance on dry land, I give it a go in the ice-cold water, but still with no board, just standing and being dragged through the waves, battling for control. The

final step is to use a board, stand up and surf. This is the most difficult dance of all, and the most exciting. “It’s how you make love with the waves,” Colussi says.

You can travel up to 50kmph when kitesurfing, which is way faster than most things move on Achill. This is the sort of island on which sheep and cows often block the road, and can be found wandering through the ruins of deserted villages. Local farmers take their tractors to patrol the beach for driftwood, and you’ll spot donkeys and reeks of hay.

“

I’m told to make love with the waves

”

In many ways, water defines Achill – the ocean batters the coast, and soft rain falls almost constantly.

With no street lights, the nights are long and bright ››

Strung along: catching the wind

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with stars. But there are signs of life in the darkness, notably a lively après-kitesurfing scene in Pure Magic’s bar. Many of these sport scenesters are on their Apple Airs, Facebooking friends in Hawaii, Morocco, Brazil and the Cape Verde islands – the top kitesurfing destinations. But according to Kirsty Jones, a Welsh world champion kitesurfer I get chatting to in Pure Magic, Achill is the best. “The ocean is pure, Atlantic water. You feel a slap in the face like – Yes! I’m alive!” Pure Magic, in Dugort in the north of the island, serves a fine pizza, but if you want a Guinness you have to walk further west to the village of Keel and the Annexe Inn, where you’ll find a band of players on accordion, bodhran (traditional Irish drum) and penny whistle, belting out folk songs.

The next morning the waves are high, the wind strong, and the water bracing. I unroll my kite on the beach. A rainbow arches right over the island as far as the dark distant cliffs. Colussi reaches up and tries to touch where it falls.

“There’s loads of special places in the world, but none of them are Achill,” he says. “There’s something magical here.” ❚ Pure Magic’s kitesurfing lessons cost £61 for one hour’s private tuition. puremagic.ie/achill

Achill: a scenic spot

NEXT ISSUE We learn how to build ourselves an igloo in Sweden’s snowy wilderness

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Stop into Blackfield (above), a cafe combined with a surf school and clothing shop selling threads they design themselves. Coffee and cake costs around £5. blackfield.com

As well as a kitesurfing school and hostel, Pure Magic (above) is the finest pizzeria on the island. Staff are mostly French and the pizzas are named after the mountains, cliffs and villages on the island. Around £12 for a meal. puremagic.ie/achill

The restaurant at Bervie Guesthouse (above) serves local seafood and lamb among other hearty dishes on the daily changing menu. Cream teas are also available. Evening meals from £36; cream tea £5.70. bervie-guesthouse-achill.com

DRINK

At one of the island’s liveliest bars, Annexe Inn (left), there’s a pool table and often a session of traditional Irish music. If you lean against the bar, you won’t be left for long on your own as someone will always come up and talk to you.

Pints cost approx £3. facebook.com/theannexeinn

Sports fans will appreciate Gielty’s Clew Bay, which proudly boasts the largest TV screen on the island and is the only pub in the area with Sky Sports. Pints from approx £3. gieltys.com

The Valley House Holiday Hostel and Bar is a lively pub with a turf fire to warm up beside, pool competitions, darts and regular live music sessions. Pints approx £3. valley-house.com

SLEEP

The self-catering Minaun Cliff Cottages (left) look out over the two-mile Keel Beach across to the mountains. Just moments from the sea, they’re a cosy haven from the winds. There are turf fires, wood floors, and windows big enough to admire the stunning views. From £325 a week, sleeps four. minauncliffcottages.com

Pure Magic has the atmosphere of a European hostel planted on to an Irish island. Bright, simple rooms are themed on different countries including Morocco, Kenya, and Brazil.

Breakfast is included. From £28 per night. puremagic.ie/achill

Bervie Guesthouse is a stylish beachside bed and breakfast in a restored coastguard station. Turf fires burn in the lounge, and when the weather’s fine there‘s a lovely garden and even a tiny art gallery.

Rooms from £40 per night. bervie-guesthouse-achill.com

Photos: Fred Diaw, Failte Ireland, Higo Valente, Getty, Thinkstock

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GETTING THERE You can fly direct from London Heathrow to JFK Airport from £380 return with Delta, if you’re flexible with your dates.

Visiting NYC around the Christmas period can cost twice as much. delta.com

Park life: soak up great views of Manhattan and mellow vibes at Brooklyn Bridge Park 42

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BIGTRIP

Over the bridge Cooler, cheaper, sexier: forget Manhattan and mosey across to Brooklyn when you hit the Big Apple, using our foolproof guide WORDS LAURA CHUBB

WHEN TO GO: There’s no bad time to visit New York City. Sure, Once upon a time, a Manhattanite would but the resultant bar, music and food scene summer gets crazy hot (up to 38ºC), more than makes up for it. probably have preferred to bed down with but there are open-air concerts the city’s army of subway rats than move DON’T MISS: Catch the next big Brooklyn band and the like to enjoy. Winter can be to Brooklyn. Think of the haughty horror – MGMT, Grizzly Bear, TV On the Radio and freezing (below 0ºC), but the prices that met Miranda’s fate in the final episodes Vampire Weekend all hail from the borough drop, too. This, however, is not true of Sex And The City, when her emigration – at Brooklyn Bowl (brooklynbowl.com), a of Christmas, when rates rocket. bowling-alley-meets-live-music-venue. The to the borough prompted aghast howls of menu here goes big on fried chicken, which “Brooklyn?!” from the accompanying trio of CURRENCY: £1 = US$1.61 is something of a theme in Williamsburg, vacuous fluffheads.

ACCOMMODATION: For where a number of happening places serve But in recent years Brooklyn has emerged a cheap bed in Brooklyn, head up gourmet takes on southern soul food. as the capital of cultural cool in the US. to ZIP112, a brilliant hostel in The Commodore (366 Metropolitan Ave; Where once it was considered a collection trendy Williamsburg. Beds from tel. 001 718 218 7632) is where you’ll learn of immigrant slums and a stronghold for around £30pn. zip112.com In how to add honey and hot sauce to your organised crime, it is now the undisputed Manhattan, the hotel @ times chicken and biscuits (the latter, a southern epicentre of New York’s counterculture. square offers doubles from £84pn King’s County has grabbed the baton from this January. applecorehotels.com staple, is essentially a savoury scone). Pies ‘n’ Thighs (news.piesnthighs.com) is the the East Village with its cutting edge art, tooSEE: visitbrooklyn.org place that will seriously ruin KFC for you cool-for-school bands and impressive indie forever, though, and rounds everything off with downfood scene (Bon Appetit magazine named two Brooklyn home cooking classics including Key lime and bourbon eateries, Blanca and Battersby, in this year’s ‘Best New pecan pie. Probably Brooklyn’s best global ambassador is Restaurants in America’ list, and none from Manhattan).

Brooklyn lager, the brew that changed the rest of the world’s Still, while even the infamous Manhattan pride has attitude to US beer (its deep malt and hops flavours are the succumbed to Brooklyn’s thrall – young couples, media antithesis of light lagers such as Budweiser). ‘Small batch’ types, hipsters, artists and restaurateurs are flocking over the tours at the Brooklyn Brewery (brooklynbrewery.com), also bridge thanks to the borough’s fresh appeal and affordable in Williamsburg, are just £5 and include a tasting session. rents – tourists continue to content themselves with the Impressed? Explore more of the US of A’s craft brews at Statue of Liberty and Bloomingdales. Sure, Manhattan has Barcade (barcadebrooklyn.com), a wonderfully understated its must-see gimmicks, but you’ve got to cross the East River brew bar with more than 20 rotating beers on tap and walls to see where the real New York City is at. Here, we highlight lined with vintage arcade games. Plus, while they don’t do five Brooklyn neighbourhoods you can’t afford to miss. food, they do provide takeout menus from their favourite Williamsburg Williamsburg eateries so you can order in. Do your tastebuds a favour and order the sausage fennel pizza from Fornino’s THE VIBE: Pretty much the birthplace of the modern world’s (forninopizza.com). understanding of the word ‘hipster’ – though don’t let that put you off. The borough is known for its ‘three H’s’ DUMBO – the Hasidics and Hispanics who once characterised the THE VIBE: Arguably the area that kicked off Brooklyn’s neighbourhood, and those darned hipsters now more reputation revamp, DUMBO – which stands for Down Under often associated with it (2003’s satirical guide The Hipster Manhattan Bridge Overpass – is the borough’s artsiest Handbook was penned by Williamsburg resident Robert district. This industrial relic blends shabby-looking factories Lanham in response to the phenomenon). Young dudes in ›› and warehouses, once manufacturing complexes that plaid shirts and Elvis Costello glasses are par for the course, TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Catch some rays and sink drinks at Prospect Park. Below: join gaming geeks at Barcade

Party on at Brooklyn Bowl and, above, try a tasting at the Brooklyn Brewery churned out everything from coffee and spices to boots and shoes in the late 19th century, with world-class views of Manhattan’s waterfront. Real estate developer David Walentas is credited with inventing DUMBO after he turned the neighbourhood’s derelict buildings into artists’ studios and desirable loft apartments in the Eighties. However, even though DUMBO has long been considered ‘cool’, it has retained its gritty looks rather than gentrified completely.

DON’T MISS: You can’t get much further Off-Broadway than at St Ann’s Warehouse (stannswarehouse.org), which puts on avant-garde theatre in a cavernous edifice – January’s show, Opus No. 7, is a Russian production featuring puppets, dancing pianos and acrobats, for example. The streets around here are great for discovering indie boutiques selling locally crafted clothes and ducking into artists’ lofts for a peek at their wares. A walk in Brooklyn Bridge Park is also essential (brooklynbridgepark.org). Though not quite the right spot for a quiet picnic, thanks to the subway trains rolling noisily over Manhattan Bridge nearby, the views of the Manhattan skyline across the river are unmatched.

Walk in the direction of the Empire Fulton Ferry Lawn and you’ll arrive at Jane’s Carousel (janescarousel.com), a historic carnival ride from the Twenties that the wife of DUMBO founder David Walentas, Jane, painstakingly restored over 27 years. It’s just £1.20 to pony up and relive your childhood.

Crown Heights Riot of 1991 – now seem long-forgotten and, while ever-more signs of gentrification pop up along Franklin Avenue in particular, only a handful of hip folks seem to have copped on.

DON’T MISS: A stroll down Franklin Avenue will unveil any number of treasures these days – where once you found discount stores, cheap salons and palm readers, now you can’t avoid spotting brand-new indie fashion boutiques, vintage stores, cute coffee shops and craft brew bars. Don’t

Crown Heights THE VIBE: Even a Brooklynite might baulk at this pick, but the once-grotty neighbourhood of Crown Heights is fast becoming the borough’s best-kept secret. The more tense times of CH’s past – its large African-American community and smaller Jewish population clashed most severely in the 44

Ride it: two bucks to pony up at Jane’s Carousel

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miss Dutch Boy Burger (dutchboyburger.com), which is a go-to spot for restaurateur Tom Byng, the man behind the UK’s Byron burger chain, when designing his own menus.

Along with mean burgers and beers, you can really rack up the calories with their bourbon milkshake or pop in on ‘Duck Fat Sundays’, when everything on the menu is fried in – you guessed it – duck fat. If you’re keen on absorbing more than just grease, a short walk from Franklin is the brilliant Brooklyn Museum (brooklynmuseum.org), which showcases grassroots art and only asks for a suggested donation on entry, a far cry from the £15 entrance fee at Manhattan’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. Downtown Brooklyn THE VIBE: This district feels more commercial than most, dominated as it is by the Williamsburgh Savings Bank Tower – an architectural icon from the Twenties and one of the tallest four-sided clock towers in the world – and legions of high street shops, including Target (target.com), which New Yorkers are fond of pronouncing “Tarjay” in much the same way a Londoner might refer to Primark as “Primarni”. Expect a better bargain here than at Bloomingdales.

DON’T MISS: There are two crucial stops to make in this ‘hood. One is Junior’s (juniorscheesecake.com), famous for baking the best cheesecake in Brooklyn (or, as they insist, “the world’s most fabulous cheesecake”) since 1950 – one story even has it that the diner caught fire in 1981 and attracted a crowd of people chanting “save the cheesecake!”. The other is the Brooklyn Academy of Music, better known as BAM (bam.org). The multi-arts centre, at 150 years old, is America’s oldest and has a great programme of film, theatre, dance and music. A recent run of Faust: A Love Story – an aerial circus reimagining of Goethe’s Faust set to music by Nick Cave – is typical of BAM’s edgy offerings and tickets to most shows start at just £15, making it a far more affordable option than Broadway.

Park Slope THE VIBE: This neighbourhood in western Brooklyn is the picture of middle class suburbia, NYC-style; far from coming off as dull, the clichéd effects of increased affluence (farmers’ ›› markets, community food co-ops, yummy mummies) are

The brewmaster: Garrett Oliver

The Insider's guide The man responsible for producing Brooklyn Brewery’s game-changing output, brewmaster Garrett Oliver, lets us in on his Brooklyn.

What is Brooklyn’s best-kept secret?

The back streets of Red Hook. It has some of the most unspoiled semi-industrial 1800s streetscapes I’ve ever seen. It’s [Edward] Hopper-esque.

What does Brooklyn have that Manhattan doesn’t?

Genuine hometown spirit. Manhattan belongs to the world, but Brooklyn belongs to Brooklyn.

What’s your favourite neighbourhood in Brooklyn?

Boerum Hill, where I live. There are beautiful buildings, lots of trees, terrific food and drink, and a great mix of people.

What’s the one, essential Brooklyn experience visitors should make sure they have?

Walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, from Brooklyn into Manhattan, day or night, whatever the weather, no excuses.

Where do you go to chill in Brooklyn?

The Brooklyn Inn (48 Hoyt St, Boerum Hill, tel. 001 718 522 252), one of the greatest carved-wood interiors in the city. Look carefully, way up above the bar …

Where do you go for an adventure in Brooklyn?

Places I’m not allowed to go, like behind the clock faces of the Williamsburgh Savings Bank Tower. If you have permission, I’m not sure it’s an adventure.

Describe Brooklyn in five words.

Vibrant, diverse, sexy, creative and troublicious. I made up that last word, but you know what it means.

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offset by a creative culinary scene and lots of green spaces.

It’s also a great spot for seeing historic Brooklyn brownstones – the streets are lined with the borough’s distinctive terraced housing, built from brown sandstone.

DON’T MISS: An entrenched New York tradition is going out for brunch at the weekend – always paired with a bloody mary or a mimosa – and Park Slope offers some of the city’s best. Try hot new opening Talde (taldebrooklyn.com), the brainchild of Asian-American Top Chef contestant Dale Talde, which offers a breakfasty riff on classic Asian dishes. Sure, breakfast ramen (buttered toast broth, honey-glazed bacon, six-minute egg) and spicy Korean chicken wings with waffles drenched in coconut brown butter syrup might sound weird, but boy, do they work. Then walk it off at Prospect Park (prospectpark.org), designed by the guys behind Central Park. It’s a more manageable space than its big brother (585 acres to Central’s 843), perfect for a mellow stroll or a game of Frisbee, or stopping by the baseball fields to spectate in the sunshine. Bliss. ❚

Flipside: hang with locals at Brooklyn Bridge Park

Great views and no traffic on the High Line

BEST OF THE REST MUST-DO MANHATTAN You can’t completely ignore Brooklyn’s not-so-cool neighbour. Here are our essential picks from Manhattan.

GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM Worth a visit for the building itself, which is designed in the shape of a spiral that you ascend and descend while viewing the art on display. Right on Fifth Avenue, this is an iconiclooking part of the city, and Central Park is just across the road for a contemplative wander afterwards. guggenheim.org/newyork EMPIRE STATE BUILDING While its stature has long been overshadowed by the likes of Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, the ESB still has the best views. See the island reduced to the appearance of a toy town model from the open-air, 360-degree observation deck on the 86th floor. esbync.com 46

Photos: Brooklyn Brewery, Julienne Schaer, Robyn Lee, Getty

THE HIGH LINE A public park, but not as you know it, the High Line is built on a disused freight train line elevated above the streets of Manhattan’s West Side. It’s ingenious because you can stroll around the city and admire the views without the street-level traffic mayhem. There’s also a regular programme of art on the High Line, from exhibitions to performances, and even free sun loungers for you to laze on if it’s a summer’s day – our favourite way to soak up the views. thehighline.org

Historic: Brooklyn’s distinctive brownstones

NEXT ISSUE Fiji: Making friends in the highlands of the South Pacific A Dutch Boy burger

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The ANZAC’s suffered their biggest loss of lives in Belgium and France during WW1 and our visit is a poignant experience, including the Last Post at the Menin Gate and battlefield walks. fr £219 Tours 4 days

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CALL 0845 0845 257 257 5210 5210 CALL *Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. The 10% ’Early Bird Discount’ is valid for new confirmed bookings made from 1 November 2012 and paid in full by 28 December 2012. The 10% ’Early Bird Discount’ applies exclusively to all EuroClub, EuroHotel, EuroCamping, Explorer & Winter Europe trips listed in Topdeck’s 2013 Europe brochure. The’ Early Bird Discount’ can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Our Croatia Sailing and Turkish Gulet sailing trips are eligible for the 10% off Early Bird discount only and cannot be combined with any other offer. Please contact our friendly team for further details. The discount does not apply to Food Fund, Sailing Fund, local payment or pre/post accommodation. Normal cancellation conditions apply. Topdeck reserves the right to withdraw this offer at any time. The ‘Save up to amount’ is based on our ‘Discover Europe’ trip. See online for full terms and conditions.

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* LOVING THE FESTIVE CHEER: This is my first Christmas not in New York City and I have to say that London is doing a great job. Hyde Park is a Winter Wonderland right now and if you haven’t been, take a couple of hours to wander around and sip on mulled cider. Loving it! Percy V TO ALL PUBS: It’s the festive season, so employ more bloody staff to cope with the increased demand. This time of year means

jobs!) in the year to come. Loads of love and hugs, from Shelby Shins DID THE WORLD END YET?: Didn’t think so, but now we’re in a higher state of galactic consciousness I’d like to ask those who haven’t worked out it’s best to wait for people to get off the train before getting on to get a fuckin’ clue. You know who you are. And a shout-out to the ladies with massive handbags digging me in the ribs, carry less junk. Bri Grumpy Wilson.

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#510 Have a few too many festive gins and fall asleep on the Underground

parties every night – having a couple of miserable people behind the bar, slowly pouring pints, isn’t going to make you a profit or give your drinkers a good time. Bob Z CHEERS JACK!: I went to see Jack Daniel’s “tree” in Covent Garden last night and felt that familiar twang of Americana all the way over here in the UK. Thanks for that Jack. Martin TO 2013!: Happy 2013 to all my mates in lovely London, to the clapped out Clapham crew and all the Essex girls, hope you have lots of love and success (and better

GIVE US A BREAK!: Sexy Xmas love and hugs for all the bankers, millionaire Tories, tax dodgers, and MPs blagging it and stealing from us. Hopefully they’ll wise up next year and give us regular folks a break. Don’t hate, save the drama for yo’ mama. Festive Fergie HEY JUDE: There was a young girl called Jude, she was from a town in the outback called Bude, She came to the UK, she made our day, And I bet you thought this last line was going to be rude… JZ DESPERATE SEEKINGS: This is a long shot, I know, but

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I need you. ‘French’ Jenni MUCHOS GRACIAS: Thanks to my Spanish flatmate who went out on “a date” at 10pm on Sunday and brought him home at midnight.

The sporadic banging on the walls was impossible to sleep to and forced me to the living room. Due to this, I was awake to see Michael Clarke hit the quickest 50 of his career. I reckon I’ll remember that longer than you’ll remember those forced moans. Tired.

PROPER XMAS: If everything about Christmas was more like the boozey parts of Winter Wonderland, but a bit cheaper, I’d feel much less inclined to strangle some people with tinsel. Seriously, eat, drink and be merry with your mates and family, but don’t become a dickhead over presents and other bullshit that truly doesn’t matter.

Scrooge NO THANKS: To the gorgeous blonde dressed for the office reading What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide To Speed-Reading People on the Tube from Finchley Road. Not that you asked for it, here’s my read on you. I think you’re the type who feels entitled to a seat because you’re pretty, and that’s why you didn’t bother to say thanks when I offered it to you even though I was closer. Would be willing to let you prove me wrong though.

Mr Cellophane

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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TO SANTA: A lot of respect for the guy who walked into the pub dressed as Santa Claus, head-totoe, all-out St Nick. I never thought I’d get to share a beer, let alone a cigarette (who knew he smoked?), with the big red guy. Cheers, mate, you’ve made my Christmas. Lee QUICK TIP: If you need the cheapest wrapping paper for Crimbo pressies to send back home, after I’ve read it cover-tocover I used TNT for all my gifts.

It gives it that London feeling and it’s totally free! Caroline x THE QUEEN?: To the Helen Mirren look-alike last week in Bethnal Green, you made this 30-something very happy. You can verbally abuse me anytime you want. I can’t be held responsible for the things I do when I am completely pissed. Same time next year? Frank P ’TIS THE SEASON?: To the wounded warrior outside the Mile End Tube stop day after day, stop using your past as a cheap way to get money! I appreciate your service (if you were actually in the Royal Air Force), but stop poking people with your crutches if they don’t give you a pound or two.

It’s just poor form. Lisa BRING ON 2013: I guess it’s that time of the year to start thinking of a few new year’s resolutions that I’ll keep for a week and then totally disregard for another year. Let’s see ... join a gym, quit smoking, stop eating £10 worth of McDonald’s every time I go out drinking. Yeah, we’ll see how long this lasts. PD

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