TNT Magazine / Issue 1532

January 7-13 2013 Issue 1532 tntmagazine.com

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YOUR 2013 SORTED WITH TNT ’S WALLPLANNER – INSIDE!

150 YEARS ON THE TUBE London’s long-term, love-hate relationship

BURLESQUE AND BEERS Learn new skills at the city’s top classes

BUILD YOUR OWN IGLOO Surviving a night in the Swedish snow

L E E T S F O S BALL

n? stralian Ope u A e th t a m er Grand Sla th o n a e k ta urray Can Andy M + CROATIA’S COASTAL GEM WORK IN DURBAN WIN KICKBOXING CLASSES UK’S COSIEST PUBS

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER I’ve never bothered with new year’s resolutions. The usual suspects – lose weight, cut down on booze – aren’t things anyone really wants to do, so much as things we think we should do, which is what makes failure that bit more inevitable. But this week, TNT finds that self-improvement can be fun. No, really. Flip to P8 to find out all about the best classes and courses in London to give your skillset a makeover this year – and save you a few bucks, too.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY

4

LONDONNEWS

6

DRINK & EATS

12+13

@TNT

14

LONDON SOUND

16

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

18+21

26

CHATROOM CHARLEY BOORMAN 23 LONDON SCENE

24

LONDON FOCUS

26

SPARE TIME

30

LIFESTYLE HEALTH & BEAUTY

32

CAREERS

34

NEWS & SPORT COMPETITION TRAVEL

Photos: Getty; Achim Olbrich

32-37

38-48 49 53-73

FEATURES LEARN SOMETHING NEW

8

Our pick of London’s top classes to help you learn new skills and save cash

150 YEARS OF THE TUBE

A look back at the London Underground’s best and worst moments over time

GET XBOX FIT

32

Make fighting the flab more fun from your living room with get-fit video games

DIARY

54

NEWS

55

AUSTRALIAN OPEN

LATE DEALS

58

HOTSHOTS

61

Check out the tennis titans set to battle it out Down Under at this major Grand Slam

TOP FIVE

62

SHORT BREAK

64

48 HOURS IN... PULA

68

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

74-97 98

46

26

ULTIMATE ALE TRAIL

46

56

Warm up this winter with a pint-fuelled pilgrimage to the cosiest pubs in the UK

SNOW SURVIVAL

64

We head to the freezing wilds of Sweden where we build an igloo home of our own

64 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Features writer Jade Bremner

LONDONDIARY

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Charlotte Maguire SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

Genre greed: Bane is a stage action-musical-movie-comedy

Shhh... SECRET LONDON BANE TRILOGY SOHO

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Dubbed a stage equivalent of Die Hard meets The Naked Gun, this comedy-theatre meets action movie concept is a one-of-a-kind, without hyperbole, as it fuses many genres into one strikingly individual whole. The show follows tough-talking hitman Bruce Bane – the exceedingly talented multi-performer Joe Bone – as he battles his foes, dispenses with his enemies, and does it all with gags, tunes, wisecracks and his own score. There are three separate shows, and you can catch them all in a Sunday triple-whammy. £12.50

Jan 7-13, various times Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE

sohotheatre.com

HAMPTON COURT ICE RINK

JOHN LEWIS JANUARY SALES

TOWER BRIDGE TOUR

Most of the capital’s other rinks packed up for the season last week, so here’s one of your last chances to catch some al fresco bruises, err, skating before the winter’s end. It’s in the surrounds of Hampton’s Henry VIII home on the Thames, a stately former royal abode with an epic garden which has a maze you can get lost in.

Forgive them their sickly Christmas ads that tormented you in December and make the most of this last week of the sale which slices 50 per cent off pretty much most of their wares. You won’t get a better chance to boost your stocks of stuff you don’t actually need until next year, so get hunting.

Yes, it is a bridge tour, but more specifically it is an engineering tour behind the scenes of the making, history and machinations of one of London’s most iconic landmarks. Take in its creation at the height of the industrial revolution, and marvel at its panoramic views of the city from the 42m-high walkways.

£11+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine.

Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers.

Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

00 4

Tottenham Court Road

Until Jan 13, 10am-10pm Hampton Court KT8 9AU hamptoncourticerink.com

FREE

Until Jan 13, Mon-Wed, Fri-Sat 9.30am-8pm; Thu 9.30am-9pm; Sun 12pm-6pm W1A 1EX Oxford Circus johnlewis.com

£30

Until March 31, Sat & Sun only SE1 2UP London Bridge towerbridge.co.uk

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Like an Egyptian: Are you mummy?

THE 50-HOUR IMPROVOTHON Hoxton

The sixth annual improvathon takes Egyptology as this year’s theme. Across 25 two-hour performances running this weekend, you’ll see the likes of The Mummy and Indiana Jones fused with Tutankhamun and ancient rites, as performers delve deep into myth and fact for inspiration.

Improv masters from all across the world, including Ruth Bratt, Pippa Evans and the event’s director Adam Meggido, are flying in for all the unscripted manic magic. £7+

Jan 11-13, various times Hoxton Hall, N1 6SH Old Street

extemporetheatre.com

RAIN ROOM

REEL LIVES

Quite why this ingenius installation has been put on in the British winter, when there is no shortage of rain, is beyond us. But it has. Like the outside, with one main difference – the falling precipitation is controlled by motion and light sensors so the rain falls around but not on you. If only this could be the same outside.

Biographies are big business, with Hitchcock and Diana, about the famed director and princess out this year. This season of bio-films profiles James Bond creator Ian Fleming, introduced by actor Charles Dance, and features a panel discussion on why we’re so fascinated by other people, with comedienne Julia Davis in the line-up.

Until March 31, 11am-8pm Barbican, EC2Y 8DS Barbican barbican.org.uk

Until Jan 30, various times BFI Southbank, SE1 8XT Waterloo bfi.org.uk

FREE

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£7+

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LONDONNEWS

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NEW YEAR, NEW SKYHIGH FARE PRICES Commuters were welcomed back to work last week facing above-inflation fare rises from Transport for London.

Oyster fares are up 5 per cent; a single bus ride in London is up 5p to £1.40; and a single zone 1 trip on the Tube is up by 10p to £2.10.

It’s the tenth year in a row prices have increased higher than the rate of inflation.

RMT union boss Bob Crow said: “As passengers return ... they will be kicked in the teeth with inflation-busting fare increases that will do nothing other than to fatten profits of greedy train operators.”

I spent my last £500 on this billboard.

Please give us a job Adam Pacitti, 24, goes to extreme lengths to find work after advertising his plight on a billboard in Shoreditch, east London

‘I WANTED USAIN BOLT TO LOSE RACE’ A judo champion heard a man shout for Usain Bolt to lose before throwing a plastic bottle on the track at the start of the men’s Olympic 100m final, Stratford magistrates’ court heard.

Edith Bosch confronted Ashley GillWebb, 54, saying: “Dude, are you crazy?”

Gill-Webb, of North Yorkshire, was arrested at the Olympic Stadium on August 5 and faces two public order offences.

Prosecutor Neil King accepted Gill-Webb “was unwell at the time”. Trial continues.

ON THE TUBE

Say cheese: a bullfrog poses for a photo

Annual animal count

London Zoo stock-check – but cheeky monkeys won’t behave Keepers at London Zoo have conducted an annual stock-take of all its animals, from meerkats to penguins and owls.

Most of the animals took the count in their stride – although the blackcapped Bolivian squirrel monkeys refused to stay still for the cameras.

“They’re usually very good, but they’re a bit freaked out at the moment,” their keeper explained.

Endangered Sumatran tigers and a white-naped mangabey were among the reptiles, otters and tarantulas being counted.

Other new residents include

waxy tree frogs, two new Galapagos tortoises, black and white colobus monkeys and cotton top tamarins, potentially bringing the total number of mammals up from last year’s 500.

Although the numbers are yet to be added up, last year’s census found 17,519 residents. The zoo is required to undertake the count as part of its licence, and it shares the info with zoos worldwide in a bid to boost breeding programmes for endangered animals.

London Zoo was opened in 1828 by the Zoological Society of London, whose early fellows included Charles Darwin.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

DISTRICT LINE: Saturday: no service between Dagenham East and Upminster.

No westbound service from Upminster to Barking before 7.40am and no eastbound service from Plaistow to Upminster before 7.15am. Sunday: no service between Dagenham East and Upminster.

NORTHERN LINE: No service between Tooting Broadway and Morden all weekend. Rail replacement buses will be in operation.

WATERLOO & CITY: No Sunday service.

Photos: Getty

6

After more than a decade of championing LGBT rights and music, GaydarRadio is set to leave the airwaves this week.

The UK’s biggest gay radio station will stop broadcasting on Monday, from its London base in Twickenham, and will be replaced by Manchester-based station Gaydio.

“Everyone associated with GaydarRadio should be proud of what the station has achieved,” Trevor Martin, the CEO of the station’s owner, QSoft Consulting, said. “The station has devoted an extraordinary amount of time to help social causes within the LGBT community as well as supporting talent within the music industry.” QSoft blamed the cost of investing in digital for holding back its other business interests.

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www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

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A

Cash cow: save big bucks with a butchery class

A twist on talent Make 2013 the year you addressed your own skill shortage and learned how to do something new and totally unique WORDS JADE BREMNER Has the guilt set in yet? You’ve probably been stuffing your chops with pigs in blankets and slabs of turkey, put on a few pounds and are already back at work (groan). Perhaps it’s time for some self-improvement?

This year, why not venture out of your humdrum routine and invest some time in developing a new skill? In a city as eclectic as London, there’s no shortage of courses and classes to try, teaching everything from the trapeze to taxidermy. Plus, if you’re really savvy, you can save a wad of cash thanks to your new know-how.

For example, how about becoming a cut above the rest with a butchery class?

Butcher Perry Bartlett’s hands have been covered in blood and guts for 30 years, and he knows carcasses inside out. “I was a wayward child,” Bartlett explains. “My parents insisted I did a butchers course to sort me out.”

He shares his skills by hosting regular classes at The Ginger Pig in Marylebone. The public can choose from four different lessons – beef, lamb, pork or sausage making.

There’s more to butchery than playing with sharp knives and saws,

Bartlett explains, such as learning how to be thrifty and versatile. “As a kid, the knives attracted me at first, but there’s much more to it than just cutting meat,” he says. ”You also learn how to not waste anything.”

Just like butchers aim to get a return on every part of a beast, you too can save cash by making your purchases go further and using the cheaper cuts.

“We also teach about farming and breeding, how to recognise a good piece of meat, how to mature it, and bring out the best flavours,” he says.

Bartlett believes that after his course you’ll be cutting your shopping costs but eating like a king or a queen. “It’s not just about humping meat around,” says Bartlett, whose day-to-day involves lugging 100kg slabs of beef. “It isn’t a blokey thing anymore, butchery is for anyone interested in good food.”

By the end, students will cook and taste the difference between what they’ve worked on and what they buy at the supermarkets – and it’s not even worth comparing.

Flesh and bones not your thing?

How about something more dainty – knicker-making classes. The Make

Lounge in Islington runs a course that is an absolute hoot with a tangible reward for your two-and-a-half hours’ effort at the end. They provide patterns, colourful fabric, ribbons, embellishments and all the equipment needed, and you bring the imagination to craft a totally original pair of undies.

Founder Jennifer Pirtle says making a pair of jocks is a top way to express yourself. “The classes are very fun, you’ll meet people, and come away with new skills and a pair of knickers,” she says. “Most people that come through the door don’t know how to be creative, so it’s amazing to see them blossom. Everyone comes away with something completely different, depending on their personality, and the creativity they put into it.” Plus, you need never again trek to M&S.

Y

MORE NEW SKILLS ›› Each butchery class is £135. Mon-Fri, 6.3010pm 8-10 Moxon Street, W1U 4EW Baker St learnbutchery.co.uk Knicker-making class is £49, Feb 4, 6.309pm 3-4 Waterloo Gardens, N1 1TY Highbury & Islington themakelounge.com

F 8

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LEARN TO DANCE SWING AND JIVE LEYTON

HYPNOTHERAPY FINSBURY PARK If you’re looking for self-improvement this year, and want to stop smoking, drinking so much, or being so stressed, this may be just the class for you.

During a half-day course you’ll learn self hypnosis.

You’ll be taught about the myths of hypnosis, how to be in control of your feelings and, according to teacher Tom MacKay, control them so much that you cure yourself of problems. £80

Try something new this year and get jiving to classic tracks from the Forties and Fifties. Learn swing and Lindy Hop moves such as ‘swinging out’, ‘Lindy turns’ and ‘Lindy circles’. It’s extremely fun and you’ll probably even make yourself some new mates to go dancing with at the weekends. £35

Jan 29, 7.30pm-8.30pm X7eaven Studios, 569a Lea Bridge Rd, E10 7EQ Leyton Midland Rd x7dance.com

TRAPEZE, TIGHTWIRE AND JUGGLING SHOREDITCH £65 Fly through the air this year just like you’re in the big top. During this exciting Circus Experience Day you’ll learn all the basics of trapeze, acrobatics and tightwire walking. If you’re not exhausted after all that, they’ll also teach you how to juggle.

Jan 12, 2.30pm-5.45pm Circus Space, N1 6HD thecircusspace.co.uk

Jan 26, 2pm-5pm Various addresses in N4 Finsbury Park nlpmastery.co.uk

Old Street

LEARN TO RELAX COVENT GARDEN Inner Space meditation company offers a class on relaxation strategies that teach you “how to act before, during and after stress” and help you to release that creative energy you’ve got balled up inside. A course runs for two sessions over two weeks.

LAUGHTER WORKSHOP BELSIZE PARK

FREE

ATTEND A COCKTAIL MASTERCLASS LEICESTER SQUARE

Starts Jan 8 & 22, 6pm-7pm 36 Shorts Gardens, WC2H 9AB Covent Garden innerspace.org.uk

Can you remember the last time you belly laughed? Enjoy some serious giggles with instructor Leela Bunce, who makes a crust from chuckling. This therapeutic workshop can help with stress, improve stomach muscles (er, maybe) and act as an amazing form of release. £10

Jan 31, 7.30pm-9pm Interchange Studios, NW3 4QP Belsize Park antidotelondon.com

In this 90-minute session at The Casino at The Empire you’ll learn which drinks taste impeccable together, and how to shake, mix and serve them properly with different presentations. You need a minimum of four mates to book a masterclass, then you could be flairing up a storm at your own Cocktails and Dreams in no time. Surely, if Tom Cruise can do it…

Testimonials from this gathering say you’ll feel a million bucks after an epic hug-fest. The group does playful light boundary-setting exercises before the “cuddle pods”, where you group hug the whole class.

Come and draw a nude model every week. The class is open to all levels of abilities and there are teachers to introduce new techniques in each class. Price is for a half-day.

Book at least 24 hours ahead 5-6 Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA Leicester Square thecasinolsq.com

Jan 20, 2pm The Rooms Above, NW6 ITB West Hampstead meetup.com/cuddle-workshop

Saturdays, 10am-4pm Kensington Palace Studio, W8 4PU Kensington princesdrawingschool.org

£29.50

10

CUDDLE WORKSHOP HAMPSTEAD £29

INTRO TO STARGAZING COVENT GARDEN This 10-week astronomy course, called Stars: Distant Suns Of The Night, will teach you all about the great beyond.

They’ll go through the stars, including our sun, the power sources that make them shine and what may happen when their fuel runs out. Proof that science isn’t boring. £107

LIFE DRAWING KENSINGTON £16

From Jan 8, 3.45pm-5.45pm City Lit, Keeley Street, WC2B 4BA Covent Garden citylit.ac.uk

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TAXIDERMY COURSE ISLINGTON

SPEAK ARABIC LAMBETH

Having a moose head attached to your wall or a stuffed bunny on your window ledge has never gone out of fashion.

This rather leftfield course offers you the chance to stuff a real mouse during a three-hour lesson, and then it’s yours for life. But be warned, this is not an activity suited to the squeamish among us.

It’s so passé to learn French, Spanish or German. So why not try Arabic? It’s a fascinating and ancient language spoken by an estimated 295 million people worldwide. London Arabic Tuition courses teach Levantine, Egyptian, Moroccan or Gulf versions of the Middle East’s native tongue. Price is for a one hour, one-on-one lesson. £33

£80

Jan 21, 6pm-9pm London Taxidermy Academy, 19a Cobble Lane, N1 1SF Highbury & Islington taxidermy-london.com

BURLESQUE LESSONS RUSSELL SQUARE

Bookings only The Perspective Building, SE1 7XA Lambeth North londonarabictuition.com

Learn this provocative art form from a teacher with more than 30 years’ experience in strutting her stuff.

The London Academy of Burlesque has taught more than 10,000 people cheeky dance routines. If you’re shy, you can opt for a private lesson to help you build your confidence. £80

Check the website for 2013 class dates and details for private tuition BMC Tease, W1CN 3XX Russell Square londonacademyofburlesque.com

MAKE A POT CLAPHAM Have your very own Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore moment at this fun weekend pottery class.

Your one-off vessel will be made using coil pottery, hand and slab building and throwing on the wheel.

MAKE YOUR OWN JEWELLERY HOLBORN

£40

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

COMEDY COURSE NEW CROSS £160 It may feel like a lot of money to shell out for a few jokes, but this hilarious two-day weekend workshop will teach you to be the funniest person in the room, or even the funniest person on a bill of pro stand-up comics. Working headline comedians are the tutors over 10 hours of training for beginners. They reveal trade secrets to help your performance and by the time you finish you should be able to have them rolling in the aisles.

Jan 19 & 20, 11am-4pm The London Theatre, SE14 6TA New Cross londoncomedycourse.com

Sundays, 1.30pm-4pm 4a Rectory Grove, SW4 0DZ Wandsworth Road claphampottery.co.uk

BEER TASTING CLASS CHISWICK Want to impress your mates with your knowledge of beer?

Leiths School of Food and Wine shows you how to appreciate the subtleties of a brew and pair its flavours with food – all while you sample the different tipples. £65

Dates and times vary Leith’s School of Food and Wine, W12 9RT Stamford Brooke leiths.com

In a single evening class you can create a unique silver ring and take it home with you. They’ll teach how to shape, texture and fit this precious metal to your size, or that of its recipient – perfect for Valentine’s Day, perhaps? £50

Jan 8, 6.30pm-9pm London Jewellery School, EC1N 7RJ Chancery Lane londonjewelleryschool.co.uk

PIZZA MASTERCLASS CHISWICK Franco Manca’s is holding pizzamaking masterclasses on the second Monday of each month. Learn how to cook a proper pizza from scratch, then eat your achievement. £20

Jan 14, 4pm-7pm 144 Chiswick High Rd, W4 1PU Turnham Green francomanca.co.uk

DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY WIMBLEDON Got a fancy new SLR for Christmas, but have no idea how to make the most of it beyond the ‘auto’ function? Try this twohour course, where you’ll learn how to use your camera properly, take amazing shots and never miss a magic moment again.

They’ll teach tips on metering, white balance, focusing, f-stops and what lenses work best for various types of photos. £49

Jan 10, 10am-2pm Wimbledon Art Studio, SW17 0BB Wimbledon Park dslrphotographycourses.com

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LONDONDRINKS

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THE OLD SCHOOL YARD BAR

It has an original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game in arcade mode! Not racing out the door yet? How about a horse-shoe bar you can actually get served at, happy and skilled bar staff, comic book decor, no pretentious twats we could see and brilliantly cheesy music from when bands played instruments? And there are karaoke rooms downstairs (no fee but there’s a minimum booze spend) and Wii games. Fridays and Saturdays get super busy so best to book a seated area online.

THE GRUB Party food, of course, with platters serving one or two (£7.50) and three or four (£15). Or organic burgers for the starving – try the classic (£7.50), gourmet (goat’s cheese and beetroot, £8.50) or The Bog Boy (double 8oz pattie, extra cheese, onion rings and they’ll call the ambulance for free for £10.50).

THE SCENE

No shock that it’s all about the classics – caipirinhas, mojitos, Manhattans, cosmos, Moscow mules, etc – but really well done. Our Singapore slings were deliciously dry. The ’man on fire’ is a triumph if you’re the slightest fan of whiskey – with flamed rosemary, a wee dram and the talent of our cheery bartender, it’s a triumph, like a warm night by the fire on a pogo stick.

BILL PLEASE Cocktails from £4.90; wine from £3.50/11.50 per glass/bottle. Beers include Tiger, NZ’s Monteith’s and Estrella Damm, and cider is Magners, for £3.50.

VERDICT Could be tacky and try-hard, but is cracking cocktails with fun and flair. MG BEHIND THE BAR

111 Long Lane, SE1 4PH

oldschoolyard.com

PUB GAMES

London Bridge

BAR KICK

THE BOOGALOO

BOUNCE

This Shoreditch bar is serious about its table football.

Upstairs is an edgy café, but the real magic takes place downstairs. Regulars pay just 80p to play on one of their 11 French Bonzini tables with proper World Cup balls.

This Highgate juke joint is home to the Who Killed Bambi Music Quiz, the oldest trivia night of its kind in London. Book tables via the website and get there early to put a tune on their award-winning jukebox.

A ping-pong bar (not in the Thai sense) set on the same spot where the game was first patented in 1901, Bounce in Holborn offers classy cocktails and gourmet pizzas alongside 16 pingpong tables for play.

cafekick.co.uk

theboogaloo.co.uk

bouncelondon.com

Photos: Jim Marks Photography

3 OF THE BEST

Borough

Do you remember the days? No, not really

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BITE SIZE

Hits the spot: find variety and spice in Wimbledon

GET HIGH, WATCH FILMS Sip cocktails and watch cult movies above the hustle and bustle of the capital in the stunning setting of The Roof Gardens. From January 7-10, the Kensington High Street venue will be screening films including The Goonies, Breakfast At Tiffany’s, Drive, The Artist, Top Gun and Back To The Future in conjunction with Rooftop Film Club. Tickets from £20 include a glass of bubbly, a hot snack and butler service amid the tranquil 1.5 acres of themed gardens. Doors open at 6pm and 8pm for screenings.

Top way to beat the January blues. rooftopfilmclub.com

DITCH THE DETOX Forget the January health kick and treat yourself to a slap-up steak dinner instead. Having first opened its doors in London in 1975, Chez Gerard is back in the city. Expect top-notch cuts and bottomless frites for about £20 at its new venue (below) in Bishopsgate, east London. If you can’t wait until lunchtime, head there for breakfast, with tasty options including doorstep smoked streaky bacon sarnies and scrambled eggs with smoked salmon. chezgerard.co.uk

CHEAP EATS Get a mouthwatering 50 per cent off your food bill at Bumpkin throughout January. Feast on cosy comfort food made from fresh ingredients (think creamy chicken, leek and ham pie served with mash, or classic fish and chips) at its venues in South Kensington, Notting Hill and Westfield Stratford. Print off a voucher from the website and hand in before paying.

CURRY ROYAL INDIAN

Hidden away from Wimbledon high street, a stone’s throw from the train station and opposite Saffa favourite The Slug, Curry Royal has been going strong since it was established in 1969. It’s a cosy bijou affair and if there’s ever an indication of whether a place is any good, being consistently packed with happy diners is it.

THE GRUB There’s a wide variety of the flavours you’d expect from a local curry joint, as they aim to recreate cuisine from “all five regions” of India. However, Curry Royal specialises mainly in the cuisine of Bengal, in the north-east of the country. There’s traditional standards such as jalfrezi, balti and, of course, tikka masala – which are classic favourites for good reason – alongside house specialties, including the sizzling chicken tava with Northern Frontier herbs and spices, and salmon cooked in mustard, ginger and garlic. The rogan josh curry in particular comes highly recommended. Where Curry Royal really sets itself apart is with presentation and atmosphere, but it delivers big flavours, too. The subtleties and variations on offer make most curry houses seem bland by comparison. As well as a huge range of meat and fish dishes, they offer a decent selection for the vegetarians in your party as well. All curries can be ordered hot or mild, depending on how tough you’re feeling on the day. Curry Royal was recently bestowed with the honour of being Highly Commended in the London Suburbs category of the Asian Curry Awards and they deliver for free to within a three-mile radius.

THE SCENE

Kingfisher lager on tap for £3.50 a pint – would you ever want anything else with a curry? If so, there’s a limited wine selection.

BILL PLEASE Starters from £2.95; mains from £4.95-£14.25.

VERDICT Excellent, flavoursome curry at a price that won’t break the bank, with a touch of class thrown in. Be warned, though, once you’ve had a Royal, you’ll find it hard to find anywhere else that hits the spot. DAN THORNE BEHIND THE BAR

bumpkinuk.com 33 Hartfield Road, SW19 3SG

curryroyal.co.uk

Wimbledon

Wimbledon

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Argentine President Cristina Fernández just put James Arthur’s CD though a mixer. SoundS good, but I’d better get the mixer cleaned up, COS I’m making soup tonight

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especially when they shut down – which costs the city and commuters millions.

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The Falklands have never been Argentina’s and the Falklanders don’t want to be part of Argentina.

Surely it’s not so hard to understand.

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Out of order: Peter Hook performs his old band’s albums

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD What would you do if you won the lottery? A round-the-world holiday?

A flash new car? Or buy yourself your own music venue? For one lottery winner it has been the latter. Andrew Garth picked up a cool £1 million win with his lucky ticket on Christmas Day – it also happened to be his birthday – and he has decided to use his new-found wealth to aid the local music scene in his home town of Middlesbrough by opening a new venue that specialises in dubstep. The north east town is not known for its rich musical history – X Factor 2012 winner James Arthur is a ‘notable’ resident! – but it has now staked a claim to having one of the country’s most dedicated music fans.

Were there more fans out there with this level of passion, then perhaps small music venues wouldn’t be struggling as much. Garth is also, quite charmingly, going to pay off his parents’ mortgage with his winnings, too. What a star.

PETER HOOK AND THE LIGHT Koko, NW1 7JE THURS, JAN 17 | DOORS AT 7PM | £22.50

Band feuds don’t get much more acrimonious than New Order’s – former bassist Peter Hook left the group in 2007 and has spent plenty of energy publicly trashing his one-time collaborators, chiefly singer Bernard Sumner. And it would be fair to say that they weren’t impressed with his decision here to tour two of their iconic group’s albums with his new band.

Hook and The Light take to this north London stage to play, in their entirety, New Order’s seminal Eighties albums Movement and Power, Corruption & Lies.

These two albums were their first as New Order after they changed their name from Joy Division following frontman Ian Curtis’s death.

Movement was not particularly well received in 1981, but has gained legendary status as a link to the Joy Division days before Sumner stepped to the front.

Power... was a more commercial success – it bore links to their earlier incarnation but revealed a new direction that would take them to fame via True Faith and Blue Monday that would ultimately outstrip that of their former band.

Hook’s decision, on the back of touring two Joy Division albums last year, has angered Sumner and co. no end. Ironically, it’s provided a double dose of good news for New Order fans – not only can those not of a gig-going age in ‘81 hear some of the band’s most classic tracks live, but Hook’s decision has seen New Order’s remaining members reconvene and hit the road. Maybe they’ll bury the hatchet some day, though on current form it’d more likely be buried in someone’s head.

Mornington Crescent

16

koko.uk.com

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NEW BAND

BORN BLONDE GIG WED, JAN 16. 7PM £6

The London-bred five-piece released their debut album, What The Desert Taught You, last year to sterling critical praise for their spaced-out, indie rock, that’s in many ways a distillation of the genre from the late-Eighties to the present. Top stuff to catch in this ace east London home for guitar-stars-in-waiting.

The Shacklewell Arms 71 Shacklewell Lane, E8 2EB Dalston Kingsland shacklewellarms.com

THE DOCTOR’S ORDERS

FABRICLIVE

CLUB

CLUB

FRI, JAN 11. 9PM-3AM £3+

FRI, JAN 11. 10PM-7AM £17+

A line-up of the country’s best hip-hop DJs comes together for this newly named night from the brains behind its former incarnation On The Real. Spin Doctor will be doing his stuff, joined

by Mr Thing and Chris P Cuts with DJ Mo Fingaz the latest to be added to the bill. An absolute treat for hip-hop fans.

A heavy, diverse and truly eclectic line-up of talent and sounds for this installment in the FabricLive series. Room one is taken over by house-techno-garage-whatever mash-up star Ben UFO, while room two welcomes strippedback dubstep man Kuedo and Sonic Router hosts room three with Peverelist also in action.

East Village 89 Great Eastern Street, Hoxton, EC2A 3HX Old Street residentadvisor.net

Fabric 77a Charterhouse St, EC1M 3HN Farringdon fabriclondon.com

THE CRAMATICS THE BUZZ SO FAR The funk-indieelectro boys from Bournemouth have the requisite pop chops to make a mainstream dent in the charts. New single Like Gold is a break-up song, only without all that doom and heartache. It is perhaps the most uplifting song about getting chucked you’re likely to hear (and the video has some neat body-popping in it, too). They’ve been making waves since they got together in late-2011 and have been amassing festival and radio appearances. They’ve also supported Rizzle Kicks and Maverick Sabre. If there’s any justice, this year will see them continue their ascent.

THE CRITICS SAY “A delirious mish mash of influences” MusicCityPost THE PLUG

Like Gold is out Jan 7

Photos: Getty; Tom Cockram

thecramatics.com

WU BLOCK

HEROES

EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

GIG

CLUB

GIG

TUE, JAN 15. 7.30PM £22.50

SAT, JAN 12. 10PM-11AM £15+

TUE, JAN 15. 7PM FREE

Anyone who was blown away by the Wu-Tang Clan/Fugazi mash-up Wugazi, get ready to experience a similar level of your mind being blasted apart. Wu-Tang’s Ghostface Killah (aka Dennis Coles) and D-Block rapper Sheek Louch (Sean Jacobs) team up for this re-scheduled night of stellar, supergroup hip-hop.

Picking up exactly where they left off, the first Heroes party of 2013 brings together the finest international DJs, the hottest up’n’coming talent and the cleverest forces from fashion and the creative arts. This evening’s talent includes bootleg remix magician Riva Starr (Stefano Miele, above) and Belfast duo The Jet Project.

The synth-pop four-piece play this low-key show ahead of the release of their hotly anticipated sophomore album, Arc (out Jan 14). So expect a couple of newbies and a smattering of alreadyclassics from their much-loved, and rightly so, debut, Man Alive, which announced their arrival so emphatically in 2010.

The Garage 20-22 Highbury Corner, N5 1RD. Highbury & Islington thegarage.co.uk

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

Rough Trade East Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane, E1 6QL Aldgate East roughtrade.com

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CLUBLISTINGS

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MONDAY 7 Bite Resident DJs Lydia, Ian and Marcus spin indie, electro, disco and punk. Miabella, Greek St, W1D 4DL (020 7025 7844).

10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3.

I Love Pacha - Closing Party DJs Matt Emulsion, C. Randall, Dan Johnson, Sean O’Leary, M. Blaize, Gary D, Pete Lewis and Biczok play house music.

Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-5am. Adv £12.

BOOK NOW!

Massive Mondays Tiny T, Asher G, Oxman and Naoko The Rock play ska, rocksteady, R‘n’B, reggae and rock. The Lockside Lounge, West Yard Dock, NW1 8AF (020 7284 0007). 7pm-midnight. Free.

Nightcare / Fortuna Pop Winter Sprinter Presents Resident DJs spin indie and pop, with live sets from Comet Gain, Wimpy Milkshake and Evans The Death. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371).

7.30pm-late. Adv £10.50.

Monday Nights 8track Records spin lounge and disco songs from the late 1980s and early 1990s. Ladybird Bar, Upper St, N1 0NY (020 7359 1710). 5pm-9pm. Free.

Off-Ramp Michael C supplies house, disco and Afrobeat. The Player, Broadwick St, W1F 8HN (020 7494 9125).

8pm-2am. £5 after 9pm.

Popcorn New Year Mirrorball DJs Adam Turner, Zach Burns, Jamie Hammond, Tony English, The Sharp Boys, Neroli, Terry Vietheer and Alan K play house, while residents play pop and guilty pleasures in the Stage Bar and DJ Terry T-Rex plays R‘n’B and hip-hop in the Star Bar. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020).

11pm-5.30am. £8, £4 before 1am, free w/wristband before 1am.

Stampede DJ Laurence Rene plays pop-punk, alternative, rock and ska, with hosts Oli Sandler and Matt Boland. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040).

9pm-3am. £5, £3 before 1am, £1 before 11am, free before 10pm.

TUESDAY 8 Club Fandango Presents Resident DJs supply psychedelia, indie and electronic music, with live performances from Aou, Sinah and Yoyo Eskimo. Buffalo Bar, Upper St, N1 1RU (020 7359 6191).

8pm-late. £5, adv £4.

Desire DJs Steven Geller, Bruno Nouer and Sven Jon spin house and electro records.

Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

3am-11am. £8, w/flyer £6.

Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble provide indie, electro, retro and pop.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, guestlist w/flyer free before 10.30pm.

Pink Tuesdays Freight Train spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, soul, funk and electro. Mother Bar, Old St, EC1V 9LE (020 7739 5949). 10pm-3am. Free.

Swing Patrol Resident DJs play swing, jazz and R‘n’B. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639).

10.30pm-2am. £8, concs £7.

Tuesday Night DJ Vicki Vivacious spins dance, house and chart. Ku Bar, Lisle St, WC2H 7BA (020 7437 4303). 10pm-3am. Free.

SUPER YOU&ME Electric Brixton. March 1 £TBC Laidback Luke hits the UK along with a host of the globe’s top DJs, plus world class production and a carnival atmosphere. Pre-registration a must.

SW2 1RJ

Brixton

superyouandmelondon.com

WEDNESDAY 9 Back To My Roots Paul Trouble Anderson provides 1970s to 1990s jazz, funk, hip-hop, disco and R‘n’B. Zen Sai, Inverness St, NW1 7HJ (020 7424 9527). 9pm-2am. Free.

Cheapskates DJs supply indie, electro and old-school vibes.

Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727).

9pm-3.30am. W/flyer £5.

Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs supply house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10.

Factory Afterparty DJs play house, nu-disco, electro and techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757).

1am-8am. £6, w/flyer/mems £4.

Folie A Deux Folk, indie and electronica courtesy of guest DJs and live performances.

The Old Queen’s Head, Essex Rd, N1 8LN (020 7354 9993). 7.30pmmidnight. Phone for prices.

Nocturnal Deep house courtesy of DJs Janix and J Meyer.

93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). 6pm-11pm. Free.

Smile In-house DJs play funky house, club classics and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977).

5pm-3am. £4, £3 before midnight.

THURSDAY 10 Celebrate In The City DJs Shortly Bless, Invasion Crew, Strikeforce and DJ Semo spin hip-hop, house and club classics. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

10pm-3am. £10, guestlist £5.

United Colours Of Rumba Resident DJs play R‘n’B, pop and dance. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715).

10pm-3am. Free guestlist before 11pm.

Cut Your Hair Resident DJs and guests play indie, plus a live performance from Great Waves. The Waiting Room, Stoke Newington High St, N16 0LH (020 7241 5511). 9pm-4am. £4.

White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus supply electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

I Love FWD Guest DJs spin dubstep, house, techno, electro and garage. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 9.30pm-2am. £7.

18

Lemteks’ New Year’s Resolutions Jungle and breaks courtesy of C3b, Thrackh, Tonedef, Psalmon and Buttonhead. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639). 10pm-late. Free.

Our Party Pop, punk, electrofunk, rock ‘n’ roll and disco courtesy of resident DJs. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. Free.

Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco.

The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 9pm.

Season Sessions Hip-hop, rap, electronica and old skool courtesy of resident DJs. Bar Vinyl, Inverness St, NW1 7HJ (020 7291 5380). 9pm-1am. Free.

Throwback Thursdays DJs Donny and Drizz spin R‘n’B, old skool hip-hop, funky house, dance and bashment.

Undersolo, Inverness St, NW1 7HJ (020 7428 9771). 5pm-1am. Free.

Wall 2 Wall Presents DJs spin deep house and techno.

93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). 5pm-11pm. Free.

FRIDAY 11 Connected Jesse James, Johnny Bloomfield, Habit to Others, Ricky Torres and George Peck play dance and house. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440).

8pm-3am. £10, free before 10pm.

Disjecta & OTO Projects Present Mika Vainio, Lee Gamble and Will Guthrie spin electro and jungle. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231).

8pm-11pm. £10, adv £8.

The Doctor’s Orders Mr Thing, Spin Doctor, Chris P Cuts and Mo Fingaz play hip-hop classics.

East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

9pm-3.30am. £6, adv £3.

Fiesta Habana International Don Carlos supplies dance and chart with a Latin twist.

Fiesta Havana, Fulham Rd, SW6 5NH (020 7381 5005). 11.30pmlate. £6, free before 11pm.

Open the Box House, techno, bass and dance courtesy of Quiz Akabusi, Vault DJs, DC Sux and Unjack. The Silver Bullet, Station Place, N4 2DH (020 7619 3639). 9pm3am. £5, concs £4, free before 11pm.

RBMA: LFO Full Live Show The Sheffield-born electronica and techno producer performs live, plus support from DJs Truss/ Mpia3, Nightwave and Loops Haunt. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-3am. Adv £15.

Scroobius Pip Presents We.Are. Lizards House and electro courtesy of the London-based rapper, with support from Tythe, Buddy Pearce, Redshift Rebels, Destruction and Push Music. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 8pm-2am. £5.

Sin City DJs Adam Lightspeed and Sleazy H play alternative rock and metal in the main room, with classic rock and old skool metal in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10.30pm3.30am. £7, NUS/mems £5 before 11.30pm, w/flyer £5 before midnight.

The Snake Hips Mambo Club DJs Crash and Burn spin ska, R‘n’B and rock ‘n’ roll, with a live set from The Jolly Good Bollywood Band. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 9pm-3am. £7, adv £5.

@tntmagazine

The Ceilidh Club DJs play folk, plus traditional Scottish music and dance. Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206).

7.30pm-late. £16.50, concs £10.

House2House Resident DJs and guests play house and dance music. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Kandi Beach Party Reunion Resident DJs spin R‘n’B, hip-hop, UK funky, garage, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 10pm-5am. £15.

Nouveau Up Close Marcman spins house music with support from David Bevan, Williams And Du Bois, Oliver Cole and Cem Baris. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 8pm3am. £15, adv £10, free before 9pm.

One Sound Events Present Dreamland Lissat And Voltaxx, James Murray, Lewi Five 0, Lawrence Friend, O-Twins, Lyle M, George Smeddles, Gary Morre, Musical Mike and Russell Kane spin house and techno. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489).

11pm-late. £20, adv £15.

Soundcrash Presents LTJ Bukem, Trojan Sound System and Channel One Sound System spin dub and drum ‘n’ bass. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 9pm3am. £15.50 & £17.50, adv £5.

Troupe DJs Hot Since 82, Ben Pearce, South London Ordinance, Squa, Hannah Wants and Shark Bait spin deep house, UK funky, techno and electro. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 9pm-3am. Adv £12.

We Fear Silence Present Blackout DJs Hazard, Black Sun Empire, Phace, Optical, Telekinesis, Mindscape and Foreign Concept play drum ‘n’ bass and dubstep.

Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. Adv £13.

SUNDAY 13.

Soulberries Resident DJs and guests spin indie classics and old skool. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Free Your Soul DJs spin old skool, disco, jazz, soul, house and Latin. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040).

10pm-2.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm.

X Presents Adriatique, My Favourite Robot, SQUA, Whitesquare, Montana Cruz, Luke Wolfman, Ricardo Baez, Tony Stephenson, Michael Bibi and 7oel spin house and techno across two rooms. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 11pm-10am. £15-£20.

Hurricane Of Hearts Promotions Presents DJs supply rock, pop and hip-hop, plus live sets from My Riot and Ocasan. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 4pm-late. Free.

SATURDAY 12 6T’s Northern Soul Sixties soul courtesy of Butch, Keith Money, Ady Croasdell, Just Soul’s Sean Hampsey and Andy ‘Tats’ Taylor.

100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). 10pm-6am. £12.

Bunker 194 Presents Manuel Tur, Bruno Balbino, Freaklou, Brenno, Sleasy-O and Sparky spin dance, house, techno and disco. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173).

9pm-3.30am. £10, adv £6.

Pause DJs spin house, disco, hiphop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10.

Sunday House and trance courtesy of Australian DJ and producer Jaytech. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Volume London Hip-hop, rap and dance music courtesy of Princess Nyah, Melissa Steel, Shackavillian, Kieron Boothe, Asia Love, DLux, Rakaya B, Jaye CZAR, Mya Sky and Karina Diazz. Catch, Kingsland Rd, E2 8DA (020 7729 6097). 7pm-1am. £5 & £8.

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WAITANGI February 6

5 PM TILL MIDNIGHT Free Feijoa & Apple Cocktails

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MONDAY 7

FRIDAY 11

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24 Pesos The London-based outfit performs alt blues. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

Lynchpyn, OddBlock The five-piece, based in Essex, performs heavy metal and hard rock. The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £5.

Jungle Doctors, The Carnabys, Dorey The Wise The five-piece from Teddington plays a mix of indie-pop and alternative rock.

Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £5.

Alan Prosser The Canterburybased singer-songwriter and member of Oysterband plays blues from his albums Hall Place and Makerfield alongside some traditional folk songs.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). Adv £8.

Skarthia, Bleak Falls, Secreum, Fallen Apollo The four-piece from London plays melodic death metal and groove metal to promote its debut album Retaliate.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £5.

Jay Stapley Americana Band Americana and blues-rock from the London-based singer-guitarist and accompanying musicians.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £10.

Alice Zawadzki The singer and violin-player performs progressive-pop and acoustic alt-folk. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8AZ (020 7254 4097). £8.50.

TUESDAY 8 Allo Darlin’, Tender Trap, Spook Australian singer-songwriter and musician Elizabeth Morris leads the London-based four-piece for a performance of indie and twee pop to promote the album Europe.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £10.50.

Artrocker New Blood Festival 2013: Whales In Cubicles, Fractures, Jacques Caramac And The Sweet Generation, The Kill Van Kulls Indie-rock by the band from London. Hoxton Square Bar And Kitchen, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7613 0709). Adv £5.

Caravan The veteran Canterbury scene band, led by singer and guitarist Pye Hastings, performs prog rock and psychedelia.

Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £25, concs £12.50.

The Colours, Lucas Freeman The Blackpool-based four-piece plays indie-pop. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £5.

HeavyBall, Capitol Sun, Anjana Indie-rock and ska by the Londonbased band. The Good Ship, Kilburn High Rd, NW6 7JR (07949 008253). £5.

Lucy Layton, Patch Wadsworth, Ciara, Annie Lovell Pop-rock from the London-based singer-songwriter.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £6.

Ringolevio, Logoz, Urban Moth, Red Rag Front The band plays angular indie-rock with edgy hooks and anthemic choruses.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, adv/concs £4.50.

Gravenhurst, Ralfe Band Melodic alt rock from Bristol-based singersongwriter, record producer and multi-instrumentalist Nick Talbot and his backing band. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50-£19.50, adv £9.50.

BLOC PARTY Earls Court One. Feb 22. £32.45 The post-punk quartet are back together after frontman Kele’s (above) solo sojourn, and have new album Four to add to their already classic repertoire.

Warwick Road, SW5 9TA

WEDNESDAY 9

Earls Court

eco.co.uk

THURSDAY 10

Dingus Khan The band from Manningtree plays noisy punk-rock and indie to promote the album Knifey Spoony. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £5, adv £4.

Romany Simone Crewe-Henry, Praxis Bold, Kruk, Sylvia Stone & The Pandas Acoustica from the singer-songwriter and musician.

The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

The Fallen Leaves, Special Branch, Superminx 70, Rapid Fire Radio, Ben London Garage-influenced blues-rock by the London-based combo.

12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6.

Dead Social Club, Bad Son, The Statue Thieves The London-based, six-piece group performs new wave and synth-heavy indie-rock.

The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £5.

Faster Pussycat, The Wild Lies, Rough Cut Hard and industrial glam-rock comes courtesy of the five-piece band from Los Angeles, California. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.

Wednesday Grey And The Knowledge-Box Boys Retro R‘n’B from the vocalist and musicians. The Nightjar, City Rd, EC1V 1JB (020 7253 4101). £5.

Tom Hannay, Love Junk The Bolton-born singer-songwriter performs alongside the band, playing soulful indie-rock and upbeat Americana. The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £7, adv £5.

Herman Dune, Withered Hand, Joanna Gruesom The duo from France plays light and ethereal folk-rock songs.

The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £10.50.

Theo Jackson The singer and pianist performs post-bop, taking inspiration from the music of Charlie Parker and John Coltrane. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10.

Ringolevio, Carousels & Limousines, Absurd, The Inevitable, Lauren Rich See Tuesday. Underbelly, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7837 4412). £6.

Alice Zawadzki, Emilia Martensson, Moss Freed And Andreas Lang See Monday.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). Adv £8.

Instinct The band, led by the Brazilian singer Cleo, plays feelgood pop and rock. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, free before 10pm.

Palma Violets The London-based four-piece plays brooding and dark guitar driven post-punk and indie-rock. Boston Arms, Junction Rd, N19 5QQ (020 7272 8153). £10.

Alan Price Soulful pop-rock from the former member of the Animals.

Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £14.

Xander Rawlins, Tin Staniford, The Frisbys, Souther Still The Londonbased singer and ex-Army officer performs acoustic power-pop.

The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £7, adv £5.

Myles Sanko, Jay Carter A mixture of funk, soul and rock from the Cambridge-based singer-songwriter and his band. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10.

Southern Tenant Folk Union Folk, bluegrass and country by the Edinburgh-based collective.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). Adv £10.

The Sword The four-piece from Austin, Texas, plays heavy metal and doom metal. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). Adv £12.50.

Teitur With String Quartet, Singing Adams, Abi Wade The awardwinning troubadour from the Faeroe Islands performs world folk with string accompaniment. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50-£19.50, adv £9.50.

Orient Express Season: Nu Park The four-piece band from Istanbul, Turkey performs eclectic indie-electro and lo-fi, ambient pop. Arcola Tent, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7503 1646). £10.

Iwan Rheon Pop-folk by the Cardiff-born singer-songwriter and actor, now based in London.

The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). Adv £10.

The Sonik Seeds, Molly The Odd, Daddy Those Men Scare Me, The Flying Rats The Leeds-formed, Sheffield-based band plays 1960s-influenced garage-rock.

Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £7, adv/concs £5.

Vicki Swan & Jonny Dyer Traditional and contemporary folk by the London-based duo.

Cellar Upstairs Folk Club at The Exmouth Arms, Starcross St, NW1 1HR (020 7281 7700). £7, mems £6, unwaged £5.50.

Sons And Lovers The indie collective plays rock ‘n’ roll, altrock and post-punk. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £5.

Tallowah, The Invigilators, Ceezlin The 7-piece reggae outfit from Southend-On-Sea performs a punk-rock and ska fusion.

Hootananny, Effra Rd, SW2 1DF (020 7737 7273). £3, free before 9pm.

Space Ritual, The Amazing Miss Angel Progressive and psychedelic rock from the Londonbased six-piece featuring founding members of Hawkwind. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £17.50.

Tom Robinson, Hamell On Trial, Orlando Seale & The Swell The Cambridge-born singersongwriter and bass-guitarist performs new wave punk-rock. The Tabernacle, Powis Sq, off Portobello Rd, W11 2AY (020 7221 9700). £20.

Martin Stephenson, The Blinking Buzzards The multiinstrumentalist and member of The Daintees plays rootsy pop.

The Islington Metal Works, Torrens St, EC1V 1NQ (020 7837 6419). £15.

Sur-Eal The London-based band plays classical Indian music and progressive rock fusion. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £7, adv £5.

SATURDAY 12 Argy Bargy, Angry Agenda, Geoffrey Oicott, The Uppercuts, Underclass Uk The four-piece from Watford plays up tempo punk-rock and oi! New Cross Inn, New Cross Rd, SE14 6AS (020 8692 1866). £9, adv £6.

Whisky Blood The four-piece from London plays hard rock influenced by alternative bands of the 1970s1990s. The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £6.

SUNDAY 13.

Wizz Jones The Surrey folkbluesman performs. Ye Olde Rose And Crown Theatre Pub, Hoe St, E17 4SA (020 8509 3880). £7, concs £5.

Patch & The Giant, Rosie May, Office of Aurora, Charlotte Carpenter Energetic and foot-stomping indie-folk and alternative folk by the Londonbased band. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). £3.

Cementimental, MXLX, H, Uiutna, Nematodes Experimental and noise music outfit. The Stag’s Head, Orsman Road, N1 5RA (020 8616 4129). £5.

Quartetto Magritte Latin beats from Maurizio Minardi, piano, Massimo Tagliata, accordian, Felice Del Gaudio, double bass and Roberto Rossi, drums and percussion. Da Scalzo, Eccleston Place, SW1W 9NE (020 7730 5498). Free.

Chris Lee The Chinese singer and actress, also know as Li Yuchun, performs her upbeat pop hits. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £28-£138.

Sankoulekan Traditional West African drum and dance ensemble led by Guinean master Nahini ‘Billy’ Doumbia. Hootananny, Effra Rd, SW2 1DF (020 7737 7273). Free.

Meursault, Sons Of Noel And Adrian, Woodpecker Wooliams The Edinburgh eight-piece collective combines acoustic with electronic instruments to produce indie-folktronica. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50-£19.50, adv £9.50.

The Old Tire Swingers Classic bluegrass, Americana and country from the four-piece group based in Fresno, California.

The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £6.

Redderstare, Tommy Antonio The three-piece from London plays a mix of rockabilly and indierock. The Troubadour, Old Brompton Rd, SW5 9JA (020 7370 1434). £7.

Scattered Few The vocal and guitar-playing two-piece from Reading plays acoustic folk. New Cross Inn, New Cross Rd, SE14 6AS (020 8692 1866). £3.

Township Comets Township and European sounds from the sax-led combo in celebration of the works of Dudu Pukwana and Chris McGregor. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8AZ (020 7254 4097). £8.

The Wayward Sisters The Londonbased vocal three-piece performs vintage-style a cappella songs spanning from 1920s standards to boogie woogie songs of the 1940s.

Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). Free.

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Celebrate Straya with TNT

LEARN THE LINGO Fancy learning something new in 2013?

TNT offers five-week basic Spanish and French language courses starting at the end of the month.

The lessons will enable you to converse in shops, restaurants, read signposts, ask for directions, order drinks and learn more about the culture. It’s ideal for those who are either planning a short break overseas or taking time out to travel in 2013.

TNT AUSTRALIA DAY BASH

Starts January 22 & 23, 6.30pm-8pm Holland Park YHA, Holland Walk, Kensington, W8 7QU tntmagazine.com/schools

INFERNOS, CLAPHAM

Sure, it’s winter, but you can grab yourself a slice of Aussie sunshine in London this Australia Day. Get a feeling for home with TNT and Busabout’s celebratory extravaganza on January 26. The event, at Infernos in Clapham, is all set to be a top ‘12 hours of power’, with drink specials galore, a free VB for those who pre-register on our website, kangaroo boxing, heaps of live entertainment and music, plus the ultimate best dressed competition with over £1300-worth of Busabout prizes up for grabs on the day! Oh, and of course it wouldn’t be a proper Australia Day bash without Triple J Hottest 100 hits blasting out for your aural pleasure!

FREE

January 26, 9am-9pm – that’s 12 hours of power! Tickets are free when you pre-register Infernos, 146 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UH Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/australiaday

SAVE THE DATE: TNT MARCH TRAVEL SHOW 2013

TNT’s next travel show will take place over two days, bringing you amazing discounts on bucket-list trips and expert advice on where to go and how to do it. Plus the famous Lucky Dip returns! Check out the website below for more.

March 9 & 10, times TBC Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street, Islington, N1 0QH tnttravelshow.com

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If you live within the Greater London area, are aged between 18-39 and plan to travel abroad in the next 12 months then you will qualify for a free subscription*. Simply click go to www.tntmagazine.com/subscribe, fill in your details and we will process your subscription - job done! You should start to receive your weekly issue of TNT shortly. Don’t forget to answer one of the ABC questions at the bottom of the form otherwise we will be unable to process your subscription.

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DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!

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CHATROOM

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Charley Boorman On his new South African Adventure series, his love of motorbikes and pushing himself to the absolute limit INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

Where did the idea for show South African Adventure originate?

The idea was to go to countries I’ve been to before to get to know the place and the people better, and for [viewers] to be able to do all the things we do. You mention Africa and the impression is that it is dangerous, but for South Africa that stuff happened 20 years ago.

Is an element of that past still visible?

The thing about Johannesburg is as a foreigner there are parts you shouldn’t go to, but that’s the same in any city. Washington DC is the gun and stab capital of the world. Now you can go to Soweto – which was a nightmare 20 years ago because of apartheid and the uprisings – and do a bicycle tour where they show you Mandela’s house and where the Zulu uprising and student massacre were. It’s very humbling.

Where else did you go on the trip?

We went down the coast, on the sardine hunt and we came across this pod of dolphins. I ended up jumping in the water with 600 common dolphins and swimming with them.

There is some of the best surfing in the world in Durban, too, but you do have to dodge the great white sharks, which you can see behind you.

We went cage diving with the great whites, in this cage that feels more like a shopping trolley.

These things come up with their mouths open and hit the cage. You are just half a foot away thinking, “I am not sure about this.”

Where else did your travels take you?

We went diamond mining along the west coast, where people aren’t allowed to walk on the beaches because there are diamonds. You go diving with this breathing apparatus connected to the boat down to the sea bed and hoover them up from there. That whole bit of coast between the tip of South Africa and Namibia is full of diamonds.

What surprised you the most?

The top of Drakensberg, mountains that are home to the second-highest waterfall in the world, Tugela Falls. We pitched our tents in snowdrifts and it was -7°C – I wasn’t expecting that. I thought deserts, animals and wildlife, not freezing cold. It is a much more diverse country

Explorer: Charley’s at his happiest on two wheels than I thought. The people are incredibly friendly and want to entertain. It is an incredibly warm and welcoming place to be.

Do you always plan to end these trips with a mass ride, like this one’s 300strong convoy into Cape Town?

I am such a bike enthusiast and there are so many others around the world. It doesn’t take much to organise, just a couple of phone calls to a bike club and the odd radio station, then suddenly you have people following. The ride in to Cape Town is incredible, there is nowhere in the world where you can go swim with penguins one minute and then the next sit on some beautiful restaurant terrace in the wine regions.

Which moment stood out the most?

Adrenaline sports are a calculated risk. We went up a road called the Sani Pass, one of the top five biking roads in the world. We got two thirds of the way up to find it had turned to sheet ice.

The bike was slipping down, so we got this guy in a four-wheel-drive to give us some help. On this last corner the wheels started spinning and we skidded backwards. At that point I thought, “Shit, we’re going over the cliff.” I had the door open so I could bail out if necessary. Whether it was the guy’s skill or luck, we came to a halt.

Once it’s over you all look at each other and go, “Fucking hell.”

What do the wife and family think about you taking these risks?

I never tell them what I am going to be doing, only what I have done.

You’ve got some rides planned in Australia next month, too ...

Every year I do a couple of motorcycle tours – from Cape Town to Victoria Falls and then through Malawi back to Johannesburg. And the other is a tour of Oz, one from the Blue Mountains behind Sydney into the outback and one round Tasmania.

So why choose London as your base?

I came here at 18 and made it my home. It is a lovely city to live in. It has a bit of everything: culture, arts, theatre. It’s the perfect place to live!

Are you still working on plans for The Long Way Up with Ewan McGregor from South America to Alaska?

The third one was always on the cards but as and when we’re not sure. Ewan’s busy acting, which he loves, and it would take seven months to do [the trip] so finding the space in the schedule is hard. We’re not too bothered, though, we have plenty of time to do it.

Charley Boorman’s South African Adventure begins January 9, 8pm, on Channel Five

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Who am I?: Jackman’s Valjean Xxxxxxxxxxxxx is largely les miserables, but will surely wow audiences

LES MISERABLES FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Russell Crowe | 12A | 157mins | Out January 11

GANGSTER SQUAD FILM STARRING: Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling | 15 | 113mins

Ruben Fleischer follows up his cult smash horror-comedy Zombieland with an abrupt change of direction in this prohibition era, LA-set gangster flick. Josh Brolin leads a band of law enforcement renegades, including Ryan Gosling (above), who face off against Sean Penn’s mobster Mickey Cohen.

On general release January 10

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One of the biggest musicals of all time gets the silver screen run it deserves – the all-star cast, the faithfully inventive approach, plus epic cinematic production design and values. It almost seems churlish, then, to say it won’t be for all.

If you love the musical’s protagonist Jean Valjean – the 19th-century French prisoner who violates his parole to right a wrong, while evading dogged police inspector Javert (Russell Crowe) – you’ll be blown away by Hugh Jackman’s stunning portrayal. If you love the tunes, you’ll be in raptures over Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen’s Master Of The House comedy routine. And if you’re a King’s Speech fan, you’ll love what its director Tom Hooper has conjured with his follow-up.

Refusing to adjust the global hit musical’s sung-through nature for Hollywood is bold, and it’s an approach that works fantastically well. The tunes combine with Tinseltown’s sense of scale (production design, locations, FX work) to knockout effect. Cinema’s close-up performances add to the stage’s sing-it-to-the-back convention to make both a profoundly moving story and performance, where the lyric-led narrative is matched with intimate human moments, too.

It doesn’t always manage to take things up the notch you imagine it might with the benefit of a studio budget (battle scenes still carry a stagey feel) and at over two-and-a-half hours, the pacing is occasionally off. But by the time Valjean and long-time adversary Javert put their decades-long torment to rest, it’s tough not to be a convert to the musical saga that’s wowed the world.

GOOD FOR: Seeing that a big screen musical does not have to mean Mamma Mia!

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GIVE US A

CLAUDIA O’DOHERTY: THE TELESCOPE

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The debut UK show from this innovative Aussie takes the ‘shows gone wrong’ set-up to the absolute extreme, as she leads the audience into ‘The Telescope’. O’Doherty describes it as “upsetting theatre” that definitely won’t be funny. Well, at least not in a conventional way, that is. Intriguing stuff.

Soho Theatre 41 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Jan 9-12. £12.50 Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

GERARD BYRNE: A STATE OF NEUTRAL PLEASURE

CINDERELLA

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

In the first retrospective of this highly inventive Irish artist’s work, the past is used as a prism through which to see, understand and interpret the present. Byrne uses photography, as well as characters as varied as Nessie, Waiting For Godot’s contemplative duo and the history of minimalist art, in his analysis. Exactly.

Five actors take on all roles in Sally Cookson’s down-to-earth version of the Grimm fairy tale.

Instead of ugly sisters, we get a gangly boy and a girl. Lisa Kerr’s no-nonsense Ella is far from the usual mild-mannered Cinderella, while the man she falls for is searching for a perfect fit to sparkly blue Doc Martens. Seasonal fun for all ages. LK

Whitechapel Gallery E1 7QX. Until Jan 17-Mar 8. FREE Aldgate East whitechapelgallery.org

St James Theatre SW1E 5JA. Until Jan 26. £15+ Victoria stjamestheatre.co.uk

[SUBFLYTONES THE HEADING] What’s the show about? It’s a Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxand character comedy night sketch where the Flytones (Peter Leafe Alex Marion and Janna-Lee Roach, Xxxxxx above) Xxxxxxxpresent their favourite acts.

Every show gives an opportunity for established and fresh new acts to try Xxxxxx out new material and perfect the Xxxxxxx old, and for the audience to witness the birth of comedy gold right Xxxxx before their eyes … hopefully.

Xxxxx xxxxxx

xxxxx

Photos: Johan Persson

Where was your first show?

Our first show was only back in September and it went surprisingly well. The audience wrapped us in their love and only seemed baffled and/or scared by one sketch. So that was a result.

MAY I KILL YOU?

PRIVATES ON PARADE

FILM

THEATRE

Brit comedic actor Kevin Bishop (one of the less than best in Stephan Elliott’s A Few Best Men) stars as a vigilante bike copper in this low-budget dark horror-comedy. Coming off like Dirty Harry meets Ben Wheatley’s Sightseers, this takes the city’s increased social consciousness post-riots, and flips it into a zany comedy full of murders, mysteries and mummy’s boys.

Peter Nichols’ 1977 revue-style musical-comedy draws heavily on his own experiences as a naïve young recruit (Simon Russell Beale) in Combined Services Entertainment who puts on moraleboosting concerts during the Forties Malayan emergency. There’s songs, laughs, cross-dressing and abundant innuendo. Beale is outstanding.

On general release January 11

Noel Coward Theatre WC2N 4AU. Until March 2. £10+ Leicester Square michaelgrandagecompany.com

What’s the funniest thing you have ever done? I once did a disastrous open spot at The Comedy Store which ended with me, blinded by the lights, turning to leave and discovering the gap between the stage and back wall was precisely big enough to fit a size 10 shoe. Having wedged myself in I hit my head for good measure. I received the only real laugh of the set from the 500 capacity crowd for my efforts.

Comedy Sketchbox Bar Lenuccia, SE5 0RR Jan 10. 7pm. Free Oval barlenuccia.com

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Clockwise: the Circle line has been commandeered by students and Kiwis for pub crawls; familiar scenes from rush hour; YouTube hit Modern Day Jester; TV villain Jerry Springer was born in an Underground station

[Caption] 26

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LONDONFOCUS

Tales from the Tube The London Underground celebrates its 150th anniversary this week. TNT explores our love/ hate relationship with the Tube WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Is there a more intense relationship in this world than that of a Londoner’s with the Tube? It’s a love/hate, stormy affair that makes Liz and Dick, Bobby and Whitney – hell, Cheryl and Ashley – seem like little more than the histrionics of an emo adolescent. On the one hand, we adore and depend on this knight in shining armour to whisk us away; on the other, we’re often left feeling let down and frustrated by an unreliable lothario. And among the innumerable tears and tantrums, there are regular (and quite literal) breakdowns.

Still, this particular tempestuous hook-up is going the distance, as this week marks the 150th anniversary of the Tube in the lives of London commuters. It was January 9, 1863, that the first Tube journey, between Paddington and Farringdon on the Metropolitan line, made history, and we’ve been hooked ever since. So while the city prepares to celebrate with a host of events (see P28), TNT charts the ups and downs of a century-and-a-half of our torrid liaison with the London Underground.

Hate: “It’s not me, it’s you” Londoners’ complicated relationship with the Tube is nothing new. The network might cover a formidable 249 miles, helping us navigate a mammoth metropolis, but the idea that it is also a daily trauma inflicted upon commuters is nearly as old as the transport system itself. When the Circle line first opened in 1884, The Times newspaper described it as “a form of mild torture which no person would undergo if he could conveniently help it”.

Today, the worst horrors endured underground stem from packing record numbers of passengers into a deeplevel system designed by Victorians. In 2011/12, 1.171 billion journeys were made on the Tube – 64 million more than the previous year, which itself had set a record. Phew.

However, the station you’ll share with the most bodies is Aldgate. This east London stop is built on a plague pit where more than 1000 people were buried in 1665. And just when you thought a ride on the Underground couldn’t get any more like a horror movie ...

Perhaps an even greater evil visited on the general public by the Tube is that it brought crass TV kingpin Jerry Springer into the world. He was born at East Finchley station in 1944, during a Nazi bombing raid. While Springer marks the Tube’s part in the devolution of homo sapiens, the London

Underground is also responsible for evolving an entirely new species. It’s said a new breed of mosquito has emerged from over a century of the tunnels’ dark, dank conditions, biting rats and mice instead of birds like their siblings above ground.

They apparently relish the taste of human blood, too.

In 2002, another new life form was reported to have flourished on the Tube, after an email quoting the results of a University College London study into passenger seats went viral. The email claimed finds including vomit originating from at least nine different people, human semen and one previously unheard of fungus. Thankfully, the email turned out to be a hoax.

Fast forward to the present day and the Tube’s major enduring irritation (not counting halfwits standing on the wrong side of the escalator) is that, come midnight, the capital’s revellers must cut their evenings short or face a fate worse than moving to Surbiton – aka the night bus. TfL tells TNT that a 24-hour service isn’t in the works: “Unlike some other Metros, we do not have twin tracks which would enable us to run services and carry out maintenance works continuously.” Humph.

Still, maybe it’s better there’s a curfew on our time spent in the tunnels, as it’s rumoured a 40-minute ride on the Tube is the equivalent of smoking two fags a day. TfL stops short of branding this hogwash, but does tell us: “Recent monitoring has shown that levels of tunnel dust on the Tube are stable and are less than a third of the Health and Safety Executive limit for general dust.” But you’ll still get black bogeys.

Tube stations doubled as bomb shelters during the war years TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: An old-school Tube train with wooden flooring; a concert in Aldwych station in 1940; Waterloo is the busiest station, serving 82 million passengers on average each year

Love: “You complete me”

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“

The carriages were branded ‘padded cells’

”

has been doing the rounds for some time, with a few even mooted as possible entertainment venues. For now, though, the only ghost station that can be legally explored is Aldwych, and only when the London Transport Museum runs tours (keep an eye on the website for the next round). We wouldn’t recommend attempting a bit of illegal urban exploration, however – a group who did just that at Aldwych set off a major terror alert in the days before 2011’s royal wedding. ❚

TUBE ANNIVERSARY: EVENTS POSTER ART 150: Check out this exhibition at the London Transport Museum, charting the best poster designs from the Tube’s 150-year history. On from February until October.

THEATRE AT ALDWYCH: At the time of going to press, TfL revealed there are plans to host a programme of theatrical events at the disused Aldwych station. No further details were forthcoming, but this is one well worth keeping an eye on.

ART ON THE UNDERGROUND: This initiative has a wealth of goings on in the works, from a yet-to-be-revealed, high-profile artist bringing pieces into every station on the network, to special London Underground-themed film screenings at a Tube station. For more information on all of the above events, see ltmuseum.co.uk.

Photos:Getty; YouTube

We like to complain about the Tube, but there’s no denying it’s an impressive feat. The idea for the world’s first underground railway came in 1845 courtesy of Charles Pearson, a solicitor and MP who campaigned for a subterranean connection between Farringdon and King’s Cross. Pearson argued it would solve congestion problems caused by Victorian London’s 250,000 commuters, but his ‘wacky’ ideas made him a laughing stock. And yet, sure enough, the oldest Tube line in the world opened to the public in 1863. Pearson wasn’t having the last laugh, though. He had died a month earlier, and never received any payment for his efforts. Bummer.

London’s revolutionary transport system continued to break new ground, operating the world’s first electric trains in 1890. However, riding the Tube wasn’t the most comfortable of experiences back then – carriages had only small slits for windows and were quickly nicknamed “padded cells”.

Nowadays the Tube gets a bad rap for being antisocial despite the close quarters – the way no one makes eye contact in carriages; this quote from TNT reader Rebecca Hausler when we asked what you all love and hate about the Tube: “I hate most other passengers. That’s all.” Aussie feminist Germaine Greer perhaps put it best when she said: “Even crushed against his brother in the Tube the average Englishman pretends desperately that he is alone.”

However, it’s a phenomenon that may disappear in future, as there are signs of a more community feel developing in the present day. YouTube phenomenon Modern Day Jester – a random guy who boards the trains with a beat-up keyboard and plays an epic tune with a touch of beat boxing to entertain passengers until the next stop – could be coming to a carriage near you any day now. We’ve caught one of his impromptu gigs, and it unites everyone in looks of “this is actually good” surprise and a round of applause. Think also of the camaraderie of communal drunkenness on the Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl and a Qype study that claimed 50 per cent of Tube users have swapped numbers with a fellow commuter.

And it’s not just the passengers who are feeling the love.

TfL has made a concerted effort in recent years to woo us with an improved experience below ground. In 2001, a fresh, floral scent called Madeleine was introduced at St James’s Park, Euston and Piccadilly stations to make journeys more pleasant,

but was discontinued after two days thanks to complaints from people who said it made them feel sick. There was more success in 2005 when a scheme to improve ‘station ambience’ with classical music reportedly resulted in a 33 per cent drop in abuse against Tube staff.

Looking to the future, TNT’s crystal ball hopes plans for tours of so-called ‘ghost stations’ will soon come to fruition.

Talk of opening abandoned stations for the public to explore

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SPARETIME

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MotorStorm: Pacific Rift

CD

PS3 Game

Calvin Harris, Rihanna, err, Carly Rae Jepsen (pop class, we tell you) line up for this three-disc compilation. £11.99 amazon.co.uk

Brutal, crazy off-road racing sequel, and it’s even crazier than the first time round. £12.99 play.com

Hunted: The Demon’s Forge

RNDM: Acts

PC Game

New spin on the fantasy adventure series, with a first person shooter update. £7.49 amazon.co.uk

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Pearl Jam bassist Jeff Ament gets a solo outfit full of funk, rock and kick-ass bass lines. £9.99 play.com

Junk Jack Ian Hislop: Private Eye Annual 2012

iPad/iPhone app

The spirit of brothers Mario and Luigi lives on. £1.99 itunes.apple.com

Books

The satirical mag’s take on a most eventful year. £6.89 amazon.co.uk

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Stephen King: The Regulators

Brings the ‘i’ to your yoga mat. £1.99 itunesapple.com

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Reissue of one of literature’s all-time most popular novelists. Creepy, icky fun. £8.69 play.com

Booze Tie Gadget

Can’t wait for Friday? Then fill your tie up with scotch and get going. Or maybe not. £23.55 zazzle.co.uk

The Killing: Series 3 DVD

Third and final season of the BAFTA-winning Danish detective show. Superior TV. £28.00 play.com

Candy Grabber Gadget

Need to practice so you can nail it at the arcade? The only time you’ll need to pay for sweets you already own. £24.95 red5.co.uk

Rihanna: Loud Tour Live At The O2 DVD

She can’t really sing, but that hasn’t stopped her being the biggest pop star on the planet. Live in London. £11.99 amazon.co.uk

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App of the Week VJay Phone app

Taking the next step on from the popular DJay app, this allows you to mix and edit music and videos in real time. Stellar. £0.69 itunes.apple.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

PILATES Pilates is great for sorting out bad posture, as the main focus is on body alignment. While it looks like people are just stretching and rolling around on exercise mats, the discipline is actually quite difficult.

This particular class is suitable for beginners, but the teacher also gives trickier options to advanced students in the room who are keen to really push themselves. The exercises are designed to strengthen the core muscles, and allow you to stand up straight. The movements also help with flexibility, strength and endurance, so you really do feel the effects quickly. The moves also have hilarious names like “monkey squat”, so if you can’t nail the positions perfectly, you can at least have a giggle about them. Pilates is not designed for weight loss, so if you’re trying to work off the Christmas carbs, go for something that will get your heart racing.

You’re more likely to feel the effects of this class the next day, rather than while your doing it. If you want to be able to bend without breaking, don your tracksuit and you’ll be able to put your leg over your head in no time!

Classes are £7.60 each and on Tuesday nights between 8pm-9pm.

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Gaming fit No need to leave the house to tone up – we’ve found five video games that will get you buff WORDS YARA SILVA

One of the hardest things about exercising in the winter is dragging yourself to the gym or going out when it’s cold, wet and dark. Plus, it’s often pricey to join a class and buy all the new gear. Fear not, we’ve found another way, so you don’t have to keep that mince pie-shaped stomach forever. Banish it with one of these virtual training sessions ...

Nike+ Kinect Training, Xbox 360 This great new game identifies your training weaknesses, and then tells you what to do to overcome them through a series of movements that cover strength, flexibility and cardio. Basically, it’s like having a personal trainer in your living room. Even if you’ve never turned on an Xbox, you’ll be able to work the interface. But while it’s easy to use, you’ll definitely need to move the coffee table to do some of what you’re asked justice. And ask your mates round, there’s a really fun group setting on the game too.

PRICE: £25 amazon.co.uk

EA Sports Active: More Workouts, Wii Even though you’re at home, it’ll be like you’re on a tropical beach while playing this warm weather-themed game. Just put in your height and weight and the game will predict how many calories you’ll burn while doing each activity. You can also choose from sports such as waterskiing and paddleboarding, which are specifically designed to work your core muscles. “It’s a great exercise that has many benefits, such as improving leg strength, balance and coordination and also helps with core stability,” professional personal trainer Lee Turner says.

PRICE: £8.93 play.com

UFC Personal Trainer, Xbox 360 Prepare for a ridiculously intense customised workout, with a choice of 30- or 60-day programmes with which to lose weight, and build strength and endurance. Through different floor exercises you’ll target specific

Clissold Leisure Centre, N16 9EX better.org.uk Clissold Rd

Floor exercises with Nike+ 32

Limber up in your own space

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WHAT’S NEW

Area H2O shampoo and conditioner For smooth locks £18+ products.herbalife.co.uk

Lounge workout: who cares what it’s like outside? areas of the body every day, allowing you to recover before starting on it again. This game requires the dedication of half-an-hour a day – because if you miss a session, it will tell you off. There are also mini challenges, such as the boxercise game ‘hit the mit’, to keep you interested and shed more pounds.

PRICE: £18 amazon.co.uk

Just Dance 4, PS3 There are a whopping 43 songs to dance along to, including tracks by Maroon 5 and Nicki Minaj – if you’ve ever held fantasies of being a pop backing dancer, this is your moment. These brilliantly choreographed moves are performed by the on-screen

figure, and you simply copy what they do. “There are many health benefits to dancing,” Turner says. “It’s an aerobic exercise, good for reducing the risk of heart disease and weight control.”

PRICE: £27.99 argos.co.uk

Oriflame Gloss Booster For an ultra shiny colourful finish £3.95 oriflamestore.co.uk

10 Minute Solution, Wii This single player only game includes cardio, boxing, mixed games (like tennis and badminton) and step aerobics. You’ll need a Wii remote, nunchuk and a balance board to play. The sequences can be repetitive, but they get you fit if you stick with them.

PRICE: £10 asda.com

Anatomicals No More White Bits Get the sun-kissed look £3.99 superdrug.com

Photos: Nike; Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: BAMBOO MASSAGE Away Spa’s bamboo massage is the perfect morning-after detox during the festive season. It will help relax and re-activate you, as bamboo canes are rolled across your body. Using acupressure techniques the therapist will attempt to strengthen your muscles and improve your circulation. You’ll smell awesome afterwards, too. Just hope you don’t come across any hungry pandas on the way home. £45 for a 25-minute session.

Rolling out the knots

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

City to surf: rugged beach flanks the CBD

Working in Durban Sun, surf and a stress-free job culture – South Africa’s third largest city could be your paradise for work-life balance WORDS JADE BREMNER Once overshadowed by Johannesburg and Cape Town, Durban has finally caught the world’s attention. Two years after it received a spruce up ahead of the FIFA 2010 World Cup, the secrets about this often forgotten hub are well and truly out. Bottom line: this is a relaxed coastal city which offers amazing career and lifestyle prospects.

While it’s no secret that some parts of Durban could be safer, this urban centre of east coast province KwaZuluNatal has the busiest port in Africa, and with that comes manufacturing and logistics opportunities galore.

Combine this with a golden sandy mile, beautifully warm weather year-round (an average winter’s day is 20˚C) and its cheap rent and you may just have found paradise.

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Durban’s stretch of butterscotch beach, the buzzing harbour and pockets of grand colonial buildings attract thousands of visitors each month.

Its half a million people, and three million in the eThekwini municipality which includes Durban, enjoy all of the comforts of a major city – shopping malls, funky bars and quality restaurants – without the crowds.

Lara Jordan, 30, grew up in Durban, and is an analyst for technology company Energy and Combustion Services (enerserv.co.za). In her skilled field people can earn around ZAR25,000 (£1797) per month. With monthly rent as low as ZAR4000 (£287) for a one-bed apartment with a sea view in the CBD, residents have the potential to enjoy plenty of disposable income.

“Hours are usually 8am to 4.30pm and there’s a lot to do after work if you like the outdoors,” Jordan explains. “An hour’s drive will take you to amazing getaway spots at the weekends.”

Jordan enjoys the city’s laid-back holiday vibe. “There are low stress levels here,” she says. “It’s a perpetual summer and people are really happy.”

Lee Dixie, from Durban’s Dixie Recruitment (dixierecruitment.co.za), says there are great employment opportunities. “Major industries have developed around the Port of Durban, as well as sugar cane agriculture, import and export, plus there are forestry, petrochemical, automotive and manufacturing companies.”

Then there’s the quality of life that comes with that. “We know how to

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB MARIKA GAUCI CAREER Owner of a pie making cookery school AGE 40 LIVES Harringay FROM Cardiff

Photos: Thinkstock

Chilled: Durban Yacht Basin

Gnarly: surfing Bay of Plenty off Durban

her visit from the UK, balance work and play,” AWAY FROM THE OFFICE she simply never went Dixie says. “We have a • Kayak along the coastline at back home. Kelland diverse mix of cultures Vetch’s Beach, check out the The and communities that Ovington Court shipwreck and spot has spent the past 20 years living in Durban, are intertwined, which countless tropical fish. where she founded and makes it easier for surfandadventures.co.za still runs the successful foreigners to settle.”

• Go for a hike in the nearby recruitment agency South African Drakensberg mountains. This RMS Staffing Solutions Clinton Howes, 28, a heritage area spans 200km and (rmsstaffing.co.za). marketing manager offers the chance to see incredible “It was a good for security company views from Thabana Ntlenyana move for me as South Intelli Time and Access – the highest point in South Africa.

Africa encourages (intellitime.co.za), has gotrekking.co.za entrepreneurship far lived in Durban for 24 • Relax with a rare bird watching more than the UK,” years. He relishes the session. Exotic birds to tick off Kelland believes. work-life balance. “It’s the list include wood warblers, quite centralised, the southern tchagra and striped pipits. “People here tend to be very positive about CBD is surrounded by birdwatch.co.za life and embrace suburbs so commuting opportunities. I think to and from work is a the weather also aids people in having breeze,” Howes says. a positive outlook on life.”

This leaves more time for the beach.

Kelland admits Durban and South “We work considerably less hours Africa as a whole have their quirks, but than the rest of the country and locals she wouldn’t want it any other way. are often called the ‘beach bums of the “South Africa has its problems and nation’,” he laughs. “The ocean is a it doesn’t run like a well-oiled major attraction in Durban, and that’s machine as in more first where most of our time is spent. We world countries, but spend time with friends surfing, having the diversity adds barbecues and playing sports on the NEXT to its character,” beach. There’s very little work that gets WEEK she says. “Come done after hours.”

Naked ambition: visit, you may Shona Kelland fell in love with this Earn bucks be pleasantly aspect of the place after a six-month in the buff surprised.” holiday when she was aged 20. After

How did you get into your line of work?

Tired of the music industry, I decided to swap to my other love, food.

Cooking is in my family, so after assisting in cookery schools, culinary college and being a chef, I decided to start my own unpretentious home cookery school, Marika’s Kitchen.

What do you do day-to-day?

I’m a mum to my 14-month-old daughter, I run my cookery school and am writing Little Book Of Pies, which is out in 2014.

What’s the most rewarding aspect of your job?

The fact it’s not like a job, it’s just fun and I really enjoy meeting lots of lovely people.

What’s the most challenging part of your job?

The washing up! pie-club-london.co.uk; marikas-kitchen.com

HOW TO...

ANSWER FAQS How to answer common questions when you’re in the hot seat for a job ...

• Why did you leave your last

job? Note specific reasons; a vague answer here could have your potential employer jumping to the wrong conclusions.

• What is your greatest

weakness? Identify something that you’re working to improve to give it a positive spin.

• Any questions? Don’t ask about salary or holidays. Find out more about the company instead.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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tntjobs.co.uk www.care24seven.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Care Assistants Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications

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A young man living at home in North London who has severe learning difficulties requires an experienced carer. The role is part time with live-in accommodation. Top rates of pay are offered for the right candidate. To apply please call 020 7577 2712.

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If you are physically fit and able to have a good time, then why not join our team of office furniture fitters and porters. You will have the opportunity to work in some of the most prestigious buildings in London, and travel the UK. Tools and CSCS are an advantage but not a necessity.

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CASH-SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

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Photos: Getty

CHEAP THEATRE TICKETS Get Into London Theatre is holding its annual ticket sale until Feb 18.

You can book tickets to West End shows such as Shrek The Musical, Monty Python’s Spamalot or My Big Gay Italian Wedding from just £10. There are over 50 different productions included in the promotion, so sit back and enjoy the shows! Visit getintolondontheatre.co.uk to bag your bargain.

B.O.G.O.F PIZZAS A good way to end your new year diet is a Pizza Hut two-for-one deal. The offer is valid until Jan 20 and includes all but their small-sized pizzas. Enter AFDPCTNRW when you order at pizzahut.co.uk.

one. Try it when you’re next in the market.

What was your last big blowout on?

The most expensive thing I bought recently was a camera for a couple of hundred quid – but I got a discount, because I asked for one!

JENNIFER OFFORD, 30 JOB Blogger for jeninspired.wordpress.com FROM Essex LIVES Dalston, London How do you budget?

With great difficulty! I pay

for the essentials first, then see what’s left to play with.

Do you have any tips for saving money in London?

You’d be surprised by how many places will give you a discount if you just ask for

What non-essential items do you spend money on?

I spend quite a lot of money on going out, plus extortionately priced makeup. It’s a massive weakness of mine.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Bizarre (and pricey) gifts Kelly Rowland gave Beyonce a diamond-encrusted Swarovski bathtub worth £3100 – and it was for her kid!

Kelly gave a bathylicious present to Beyonce’s kid

❚ Angelina Jolie extends olive branches in her UN role, but her beau Brad Pitt gets a whole olive tree – she bought the actor one worth £11,378 for their French estate on Valentine’s Day.

❚ The Beckhams love to buy each other whopping gifts.

Victoria was lucky enough to get a multi-million dollar vineyard in Napa Valley as a birthday present from David – we bet they drank to that.

❚ Katy Perry reportedly bought ex-hubby Russell Brand a trip to space worth £123,000. Perhaps she was trying to tell him something subconsciously back then?

❚ A US tabloid claims Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave Suri some serious Xmas gifts, including a £14,700 Victorian playhouse and £5000 kid-size Merc.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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WORLDVIEW

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Rub-a-dub-dub: a 15m-high, 18m-wide rubber duck swims into Darling Harbour in Sydney on Thursday. The duck, which is the latest incarnation of artist Florentijn Hofman’s famous oversized toy, was commissioned for this year’s Sydney Festival

Going somewhere? #no

ROACH CONTROLLED VIA TWITTER HASHTAG UNITED STATES Twitter users can now help direct a cockroach as part of an art exhibition.

Dallas-based artist Brittany Ramson has created the social media-controlled bug using a tiny electronic backpack to find out if cockroaches, like humans, can be over stimulated by digital devices.

She debuted her Twitter-RemoteControlled Cockroach in Life, In Some Form by the Chicago Artists Coalition.

Twitter users were able to control its movements by sending @TweetRoach commands using the hashtags #TweetRoachLeft and #TweetRoachRight.

TWEETS OF THE WEEK @Scouselikebread @rioferdy5 spare a thought for the rest of the country struggling to make a living while you are on 80k a week you fuckin bellend @boydhilton BREAKING: One Tory MP didn’t like C4’s Big Fat Quiz @Annpettifor Rail fares jumped by 40% over last decade compared to 18% wage rises. Wage slaves subsidising rail’s private shareholds

WOMAN STUCK IN SHOP FOR NYE FRANCE A pensioner missed out on New Year’s Eve celebrations after getting trapped in a shop.

The 73-year-old woman felt faint while she was shopping and went to the toilets in Roubaix near Lille just as the store was closing. When she came out, the store was deserted and had been locked.

It’s believed the woman set off the alarm a number of times to try to attract attention, but no one came to investigate.

38

When staff returned on January 1, they found her in the store. She was fine but exhausted after trying, and failing, to get some sleep in the staff office.

Apparently, she didn’t even ease her boredom by tucking into any of the goods in store. You so would.

MONKEY BUSINESS ON BOMBO ROADS AUSTRALIA They clearly weren’t three wise monkeys. A trio of circus primates tried to escape after their trailer was involved in a crash, causing chaos.

The performing monkeys ran on to the highway at Bombo, New South Wales, to

the shock of holidaymakers. Despite their bid for freedom, the runaway monkeys were quickly rescued by circus staff who were travelling in convoy.

Two lanes of the highway remained blocked on Thursday during an operation to right the trailer, which was knocked on its side during the crash.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 5

Number of complaints received by watchdog over the Big Fat Quiz Of The Year before the Daily Mail whipped up hysteria

Weight, in stone, Paul Mason, 51, from Suffolk lost after surgery and dieting – two thirds of his original size of 70 stone

45

Soaking it up: St Kilda Beach, Melbourne

HEATWAVE IN OZ AS NZ FREEZES

3

AUSTRALIA/NEW ZEALAND As Australia braces itself for a heatwave, it’s been snowing in New Zealand’s South Island.

In scenes reminiscent of a winter wonderland, kids have been pictured building snowmen, while the drifts have caused travel chaos for others. It’s the second summer in a row snow has fallen in Central Otago in January.

However, in South Australia, firefighters are on high alert as temperatures are tipped to soar above 45°C, with some areas reaching a sizzling 47°C. “There are not many instances in the historical record where you get a heat event covering such a large area of the continent,’’ Karl Braganza of the Bureau of Meteorology said.

However, forecasters say the winter woollies will not be needed for long in NZ.

CRAZY DEMANDS FOR 5-STAR HOTEL STAFF

Photos: AAP; Getty; Thinkstock

AUSTRALIA A new survey has revealed guests now expect a whole lot more from a hotel stay than the free toiletries.

Chartering a private jet to fly a polo team to Malaysia, organising a day trip to Sydney, Melbourne, Alice Springs and the Great Barrier Reef on the same day, and booking rooms on different floors for wives and mistresses are all requests that have been put to staff. The crazy demands

Amount, in thousands, of rejected Christmas gifts listed on eBay since December 25 – many of which are unopened

Weekly wage earned by footballer Rio Ferdinand who tweeted, “Spare a thought for me, I’m working over NYE”

Three days later, Jeeves was still holding the shopping were revealed by five-star hotels across Queensland on the Gold Coast.

Daniel Gschwind from the Queensland Tourism Industry Council said: “There are so many disadvantages with coming to Australia in terms of distance and time and cost of coming here, so we have to make sure we deliver when they come here.”

ANNOYING WORDS? LIKE, WHATEVER UNITED STATES If you find words and phrases such as “you know”, “whatever”, “like” and “just sayin’” annoying, you’re not alone. These have all topped the annual Marist Poll 2012.

It questioned 1246 adults in the States, asking them what words got on their nerves in conversations.

Also nominated were “Twitterverse” and “gotcha”. People younger than 45 were more offended by “like,” while “you know” annoyed more over 45s.

115,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Had to go back to bed. Glitter make-up still on but seeing double Shane Warne obviously knew how to show fiancee Liz Hurley a good time on New Year’s Eve...

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This week TNT online has been looking forward to the year ahead, a year of untold promise and immeasurable delights for sure.

Check out the forthcoming year’s highlights at tntmagazine.com

G N I F E I R B Y L YOUR DAI l in d news headlines al an s ea id el av tr , on What’s on in Lond

one place

NEW YEAR GOODIES TNTmagazine.com is the best place to catch up on all the latest from Down Under, and the most hilarious news stories from across the web

SEE TNT’S BANNED LIST OF NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

CHECK OUT OUR PICK OF THE BEST BANDS OF 2013

Thinking of taking up jogging?

Going to the gym? Spending more time with family? Think again!

Forget 2012 already, we’ve rounded up a veritable slew of top bands ready to blow up in 2013

CRICKET TOUR COVERAGE

tntmagazine.com/yeti AND QUIZZES COMPETITIONS tntmagazine.com/apes

WIN TICKETS TO SEE WEST END DANCE SENSATION STOMP TNT are giving away a banging prize, tickets to the hit West End show Stomp, including a stage tour

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TAKE ON TNT’S FIENDISHLY TRICKY QUIZ OF 2012 And you could be in with a chance to win the respect of your peers and colleagues...

Keep track of all the latest cricket news, scores and results during the winter tours.

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: ALASDAIR MORTON alasdair.morton@tntmagazine.com

Jack on the box: if his gags offend, change the channel

Whitehall is at the centre of a big fat fuss over nothing

Photos: Getty

Lewd humour in an evening time slot does not controversy make

Channel Four and Jack Whitehall have found themselves in hot water after the latter’s ‘obscene’ performance on the former’s Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2012 show earned a small smattering of complaints, chiefly from quick-to-offend paper the Daily Mail, despite very little noise being made when the show first aired.

Whitehall was chastised by the paper for getting pissed on the festive broadcast and spouting a procession of lewd jokes, one of them – shock! horror! – about the Queen.

The Jimmy Carr-fronted quiz show garnered a handful of complaints before the Mail took umbrage and began an attack that may see Whitehall booted off a booked gig later this month at the National Television Awards. And what for? He was essentially just doing his job.

The show was criticised for being broadcast at 9pm, the watershed for adult-oriented output, but it was cleared for broadcast by the channel’s lawyers who saw no problem with its content. Indeed, very few people did until the Mail told everyone to be offended and complaints quickly followed suit, numbering 165 by last Thursday.

The danger with manufacturing outrage in this way is that it promotes deeply conservative opinions while hiding the fact that people generally do not, on the whole, share them, and are really less easily offended than the moral minority want us to believe.

Whitehall’s gags were crude, but should not be censored, and Channel Four complied with all broadcasting regulations concerning the timing of the show and their refusal to edit it for repeat broadcast demonstrates this. It’s confusing enough in these overly politically correct times, when offence can be all too easily found, but if there are those who want to get upset about jokes most people thought were very funny, then leave them to it. The rest of us should stand firm and not bow down to this false affront. This, after all, originated from a paper that was so offended by the ‘obscene’ jokes that it then printed some of the worst ones for everyone to share in their outrage. » Agree or disagree? Did Whitehall take it too far? letters@tntmagazine.com

A STAND AGAINST HOMOPHOBIA A late-night queue in Columbus, Ohio, last week proved a cheering example that people are not just easily misled lemmings and do in fact know exactly what is right and wrong, and when to voice their opinions.

A line-up at a fast food truck in the middle of winter saw one hungry reveller take issue with same-sex couple Ethan and Joel cuddling for warmth in the queue and told them to cut out that “gay shit”.

Much to the couple’s surprise, everyone else in the queue took exception to the solitary homophobe firing hate at them and told this isolated bastion of ignorance his

“

People are not easily misled lemmings

”

views would not be tolerated. The owners of the pizza truck then chimed in and refused to serve the angry man.

This goes to show, reassuringly, that people these days are quite capable of standing up against what they think is offensive, and are only too ready to voice their opinions when they feel it necessary.

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Party like it’s 2013...

Forget the doom and gloom of 2012, the economic forecast for this year is looking up WORDS CAROL DRIVER If the words ‘fiscal cliff’ send you into a comatose state, fear not, help is at hand. Here, TNT is going to explain in layman’s terms the economic forecast for 2013. No, we haven’t gone all Financial Times on you, but if you want to make sure you get more bang for your buck while travelling, or if you’d like to know where to head for work to fund your global jaunts, read on; this is your essential guide. 2012 was full of doom and gloom; increased unemployment, austerity cuts, doubledip recessions ... you get the drift. However, 2013 marks a new dawn – it’s the year to party and spend, spend, spend.

We’ve enlisted the help of economic guru Clifford Bennett to explain how you can get a piece of the pie.

Only a week in and things are already looking up for the new year, with even the “negative” International Monetary Fund expecting global growth to accelerate to 3.6 per cent – although Bennett, chief economist at White Crane Reports (whitecranereports.com), believes this could be as high as 4.2 per cent: “The outlook for 2013 is better than many suspect.”

He adds: “Do not expect more spending cuts. Even the oldies at the top of politics and central banking are finally starting to recognise a balance is needed between getting government debt down and keeping the economy going, for which read ‘voters still being prepared to play along’.

“So austerity has been established, and will be maintained or slightly softened, but things will not get any tougher.”

He cites growth at 3.1 per cent GDP in the US as an indicator, saying despite the fiscal cliff being dealt with “clumsily”, the States should have a strong recovery year.

As for the rest of the world, Bennett adds: “China and Asia generally are already in re-acceleration mode.

“There is no doubt that with China ready to make the next big move, that is to urbanise central China after the success on the eastern coast, that demand for commodities and fashion labels will intensify.

“Latin America is stabilising, and about to surprise with 42

a strong take off again in the first half of 2013. Even Europe will muddle through as usual, and could surprise as a bright spot of the global economy in the second half of the year.”

Europe: the currency winner “European travellers are going to have a fantastic year in terms of both choice and value,” explains Bennett. “The euro will surprisingly be one of the strongest currencies in the world. This is because everything negative, all the bad news, that could be thrown at the euro already has been.

“It is a little like a beach ball in the pool, it just keeps bouncing back, and this year with the US struggling to do much at all about its own debt problems, the hard work Europe has done over the last few years to get its house in order will begin to be fully appreciated.

“That could see the euro at 1.50 to the US dollar at some stage in 2013. So while the currencies of Asia and Latin America may well strengthen against the US dollar, the euro, as, would you believe, still the only viable alternative reserve currency to the US dollar, is likely to be even stronger.”

Asia: booming employment In terms of job opportunities in 2013, Bennett predicts Asia will be leading the pack – although language could be a barrier in some industries. “Opportunities will still exist, particularly in the hospitality industry, as many millions realise the world is going to keep turning, and start to spend up big for the first time in a while,” he explains.

Workers for the hospitality sector in Asia and Latin America will be in demand – and niche opportunities such as fruit picking in Australia will be a “slam dunk” when it comes to finding work. “If looking for higher professional work then the major new global centres such as Shanghai, Beijing and Buenos Aires are likely to be keen to pick up high-quality contenders with European experience,” Bennett says.

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Clockwise: luxury commodities on the rise in Beijing; the euro will get stronger; head to bustling Shanghai for job opportunities

Close to home: UK, Australia and NZ It’s good news for those living in the UK – the economic scene is set to change dramatically. “No one is as negative about their own land as much as the British,” Bennett says.

“A great deal of fresh business investment has been delayed and even shelved in recent years, but as the rest of the world, even Europe, shows signs of improvement in 2013, the floodgates may finally open on that fresh investment wave. Expect some spirited developments out of the UK.” Having enjoyed growth in 2012, Australia’s domestic economy will struggle this year, according to Bennett. “This should keep prices very competitive, perhaps even lower than 2012. It’s still a place of fantastic natural richness and excitement, possessing a travel industry that is very keen to impress after a couple of lean years.

“The mining and agriculture sectors will be booming at the same time because of the continued expansion in Asia.”

While for New Zealand, Bennett adds simply: “It’s a place of wonder, and an economy likely to muddle along just enough to keep things interesting.”

Photos: Thinkstock; AAP; Getty

Save? Party like it’s 2013 If you fancy putting away a few pounds or dollars to save for a rainy day, this isn’t the year to do it, says Bennett. “You risk missing out on one of the best party sessions the global economy has ever seen, but if that is your thing and you want to play safe, then look to home base first.

“Followed next by Asian countries, but the easiest place to earn a higher interest rate and have ready access to your cash at the same time, is probably Australia.”

So what are Bennett’s top tips? “Australia could again be a bright spot, especially on the travel horizon as the industry there rolls up its sleeves to compete with Asia far more aggressively. Be positive about 2013, and explore the ‘new first world’ of Asia and Latin America. Think ‘lucky 13’!”

US president Obama can relax ... for now

PUTTING DOWN ROOTS? EMPLOYMENT TO RISE There’s also good news if you’re thinking of settling in a European country for a while and want a career and a house in 2013.

According to Clifford Bennett, unemployment is going to fall – even in Europe. “The high 11 per cent level across the Eurozone on average is about the same level the US economy reached before it turned the corner,” he explains. “As in Europe, the Americans simply expected things to get worse, but they didn’t. The same will be seen in Europe.

“Think of it as the old first world of Europe and the US suddenly realising the new first world of Asia and Latin America never stopped, and some significant catch up is now needed by Europe and the US. “No one likes getting left behind, so business leaders of Europe and the US will be forced to go on the front foot almost immediately in the new year.”

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Sarries’ Owen Farrell converts

SARRIES AND QUINS READY TO KICK HEINIE RUGBY UNION London clubs Harlequins and Saracens will be looking to cement their places in the knockout stages of the Heineken Cup this Sunday.

Unbeaten Harlequins, who are 10 points up on second-placed Biarritz in pool two, host Connacht at the Twickenham Stoop at 1pm on Sky Sports 1.

Saracens head to La Beaujoire to take on Racing Metro 92 at 3.30pm. They are just two points ahead of the French side and three points clear of Ireland’s Munster, so need a win to make the next stage for a second time. In the Aviva Premiership, the north Londoners are breathing down the necks of leaders Quins, who are going for a rare Euro/England championship double.

BIG BUCKS MAY MAKE BELLAMY A DRAGON

The fine folk of Innsbruck, Austria, copped a share of Allied mortars in the Second World War when under Nazi control, but last week’s flying missiles over their beautiful town were much more colourful. This is Norway’s Anders Jacobsen at the 61st Four Hills ski jumping event at Bergisel-Stadion, part of the FIS Ski Jumping World Cup series

RUGBY LEAGUE The Melbourne Storm will have to rely on good will from their Premiershipwinning coach Craig Bellamy if he’s to stay in Victoria beyond 2014.

Bellamy’s been offered a whopping AU$6m (£3.9m) contract over five years and has admitted he’s “50-50” as to whether or not he’ll make a move to Sydney.

“We know he’s looking elsewhere and he’s entitled to do that,” Storm chief executive Ron Gauci conceded. “We’re obviously keen to keep him and we’re negotiating to do that.”

Bellamy led the Storm to the 2012 Premiership after the club was stripped of their 2007 and 2009 titles for cheating on the salary cap.

“We’d like to think that the emotional ties that he has to the club and its players will weigh in his thoughts,” Gauci said.

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‘THE POWER’ HAS THE WILL TO KEEP GOING

BIG WEEK FOR ...

DARTS

Brendan McCullum must have one of the toughest jobs in world sport, captaining the New Zealand cricket team.

The swashbuckling batsman was forced to step up when Ross Taylor was dumped by the Kiwi big wigs.

Then, in his first game since taking over, he was part of his side’s capitulation for 45 at the hands of South Africa’s world-leading bowlers. He’ll be keen for a better showing from his lads when the second Test begins on Sunday at 8am (London time).

After clinching his 16th World Darts Championship final, 52-year-old Phil Taylor has been quick to dismiss any talk of his impending retirement.

“I’ve been written off more times than Rocky Balboa I think,” he said. “I’m not going to give in – I’m going to keep going and show them I’m still dedicated.”

Taylor came back from 2-0 and 4-2 down to beat Dutchman Michael van Gerwen 7-4 and win the Sid Waddell Trophy at Alexandra Palace on New Year’s Day. Former champion-turned-pundit Eric Bristow is sure he’s got plenty left in him.

“He won’t get to 20 but there most likely will be another [title] in him,” he said.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK He’s one of the greatest athletes I’ve seen play cricket…

Australian cricket captain Michael Clarke rates Mitchell Johnson’s athleticism

Lowly: Bradford City celebrate their shock win over Arsenal

PREVIEW CAN BRADFORD SHOOT OUT BIG GUNS? CAPITAL ONE CUP SEMI-FINALS TUE & WED, 7.45PM, SKY SPORTS 1 Chelsea are by no means guaranteed to take out this poor man’s FA Cup. They play Swansea on Wednesday after Bradford and Aston Villa clash in their first of two legs on Tuesday.

Logic suggests whoever wins out of the Londoners and the Welsh side will triumph in the tournament, but that same thought process would have had Arsenal playing against lowly Villa in this week’s semi-final.

Bradford are the story of the season so far, with the League Two side taking the Gunners to penalties and winning their ninth consecutive shoot-out. But while they won from the spot, the side from West Yorkshire with a starting line-up worth £7500 matched their much richer rival for 120 minutes. Villa will know they fear no one and have nothing to lose.

As for Chelsea, who beat Villa 8-0 in December but lost to QPR last week, they will be feeling all sorts of pressure after not winning the World Club Cup and losing touch with the Premiership’s leaders.

THE CHAT | Football finance fair play

He has walked into a squad of players who are Champions League winners – you’ve got a chance, haven’t you?

You’d have to be a real dope to mess it up with that group of players Harry Redknapp on Rafa Benitez’s Chelsea before his relegation-battling Queens Park Rangers beat the London giants 1-0

I played a very, very good match … I’m just happy after the training the last few months.

Hard work pays off Bernard Tomic isn’t known for a mastery of understatement, but he gave it a go after beating Novak Djokovic 6-4 6-4 last week

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL Stoke City manager Tony Pulis’s response Q when asked the difference between his side and Manchester City after a 3-0 loss was a beauty – he said “about £220m”. Is he serious?

Pulis’s maths is a bit out if he’s referring to wage bills, A but yes, he is. Stoke forked out £47m last year for their canny side, but Man City’s wage bill tripled from 2008 to 2012, from £54m to £173m. That doesn’t even make them the most cash-happy club in the league. That honour, not surprisingly, goes to oligarch-owned Chelsea and their £190m payroll. They could be in strife next year, though, when Uefa’s financial fair play laws come in, meaning teams can’t spend more than their club brings in. No problems for in-profit Stoke, though.

Manchester United v Liverpool Premier League action from Old Trafford Sun, 1.30pm, Sky Sports 1

CRICKET Australia v Sri Lanka First one-dayer of five from the MCG Fri, 3.20am, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Stoke’s N’Zonzi (£3m) and City’s Toure (£24m)

Arsenal v Manchester City Another EPL battle of the giants Sun, 4pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Aussie smash hits The Australian Open, the first Grand Slam of the year, never fails to impress WORDS MICHAEL GADD

There’s something special about the Australian Open, the players are refreshed from a winter (or summer) break and buoyed by the hope of a new season. The 2013 edition is set to be a cracker, with both defending champs Novak Djokovic and Victoria Azarenka defending their titles. But it’s already been dogged by drama.

World number one Djokovic limped off court after being struck by a fallen sign at the Hopman Cup in Perth while signing autographs, and last year’s women’s runner-up Maria Sharapova pulled out of the Brisbane International due to a collarbone injury – both insist they’ll be fit come January 14.

Most disappointing for organisers in Melbourne is the withdrawal of 2012’s losing finalist, Rafael Nadal, which means fans won’t get the battle of the “big four” men – Djokovic, Roger Federer and Andy Murray – they were hoping for.

There’s still plenty to look forward to, though.

Novak Djokovic: Joker is the ace in the pack World number one Novak Djokovic is the clear favourite to clinch a third Australian Open trophy in 2013, and will do it according to former world number four Thomas Enqvist.

“I would pick Djokovic [to win in Australia],” he said, despite the Croat’s Hopman Cup loss to inconsistent Aussie Bernard Tomic in Perth last week.

If Djokovic wins he will become the first player to win three consecutive Australian Opens since Roy Emerson’s efforts prior to the Grand Slam era.

Roger Federer: The (not) hometown hero Former Lleyton Hewitt fiancée Kim Clijsters, from Belgium, was once adopted as ‘Aussie Kim’, but not even she or the hugely loved Pat Rafter were as big a deal as Roger Federer.

The Swiss four-time Open winner is Australia’s most popular athlete in any sport, a study revealed last year.

“Australians are very attracted to athletes who are seen 46

as competitive and humble and Roger embodies these attributes,” researcher Gemba’s director Rob Mills said.

Andy Murray: Can he slay his demons?

Scotland’s Andy Murray has some demons to exorcise in Oz after his breakthrough 2012.

He won his first Grand Slam title – after losing his five previous finals – and an Olympic gold on the same turf on which he’d been beaten in the Wimbledon final by Federer.

He probably had the best year out of the ‘big four’, doing everything but go to number one. But he won’t forget losing the final here on Rod Laver Arena in both 2010 and 2011.

Aussie Hewitt isn’t alone in thinking he’s the one to watch: “Murray is the main guy in the field again,” he said.

Rafael Nadal: Superstar to be a no show An Open without Rafael Nadal and his allegedly perfect arms is a massive blow to organisers, but after working to recover from a knee injury, he was hit by a stomach virus which kept him out of lead-up tournaments.

“I have been unable to get any match practice and simply would not be doing myself or my friends in Australia justice if I went down there so unprepared,” he said when announcing his withdrawal from the tournament at which he lost an epic five-hour, 53-minute final last year.

Azarenka/Sharapova: Top of the world At last year’s Open, all four of the top women’s players were in contention to go to world number one, but it was the third and fourth seeds who made it through to the final.

Victoria Azarenka dominated 2008 champion Maria Sharapova 6-3, 6-0 to win her first Grand Slam title in 2012, a result which set Azarenka off on a path to become world number one – Russian Sharapova is now world number two.

Belarusian Azarenka put her turnaround down to a

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Clockwise from left: Novak Djokovic; Victoria Azarenka; Roger Federer; Andy Murray; and Samantha Stosur

mental breakthrough in her semi-final against defending champion Clijsters. “Before, I think you all thought I was a mental case, but I was just young and emotional.”

Sharapova sat the Brisbane tournament out due to a collarbone injury that she wanted to ensure was 100 per cent ahead of the Open. She pulled out of the same tournament last year before making the final.

Serena Williams: Never to be discounted They don’t come more imposing than Serena Williams, who was named WTA Player of the Year in 2012 and has won the Australia singles title five times. But she’ll be coming back from surgery.

“I am being advised by my doctors to take more time to heal following a minor procedure I needed to address my ongoing foot issues,” Williams said.

If Williams makes the final, look out – she’s won every winners’ play-off she’s contested in Melbourne.

Samantha Stosur: As if 2012 never happened

Photos: Getty

After winning her first Grand Slam at the US Open in 2011, the pressure was on Samantha Stosur to perform in Oz in 2012, but she buckled and went out in the first round.

Painfully, the home hope has again had a disastrous start to her preparations, going out in the first round in Brisbane to Swede Sofia Arvidsson. It was Stosur’s first match since late October and it followed minor ankle surgery to remove a spur. After admitting she “froze” last summer, the world number nine is keeping a cool head ahead of her return to Rod Laver Arena.

“Panicking doesn’t help anyone get a good result or feel better,” she said. “All you can do is try and play your best.”

The 2013 Australian Open will be broadcast on BBC radio from midnight from Jan 14-27. BBC TV will show semis and finals Jan 24-27

Eyes on the ball: Matosevic

AUSSIE MEN FAULTERING MATOSEVIC THE BEST BET Cash, Rafter, Hewitt and, before them, Newcombe, Roche, Laver and more – all household Aussie names chanted with vigour. How times have changed.

For this year’s Australian Open, Hewitt’s battling injury but will again have a crack (last year he shocked everyone and made the quarters and took a set off Djokovic, who went on to win). He’s 83 in the world now. And no one knows which version of talented but controversial young hope Bernard Tomic, world ranked 52, will turn up.

The new fave could be Marinko Matosevic. Who? Fair query; he’s Australia’s highest ranked man at 49. His rise has been hasty – from top 200 to top 50 within the year.

Australian legend John Newcombe has given him a wrap after a recent attitude adjustment showed on the court. “He’s showing the right attitude,” Newcombe said.

“If he keeps that attitude and gets himself fitter and fitter, he could get himself down in the low 20s.”

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Demons: Hughes and Johnson have Ashes memories worth forgetting

A sight the England team would love to see again Australia’s back to the future plan could derail the Ashes

» Agree or disagree? Will Johnson be a liability in the Ashes? letters@tntmagazine.com 48

Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor, who at 52 won his 16th world title and did so in style, is a deadset champion.

The big fella from Stoke-On-Trent’s come-from-behind win against Michael van Gerwen was sporting entertainment and guile at its finest. Taylor spent most of the match trailing, twice two legs down, but still played up to the crowd. Is he just the quintessential showman or was it gamesmanship to put off his 23-year-old opponent? It was both, and good on him.

Before the final, Taylor had a blow-up at Raymond Van Barneveld at the conclusion of their tight semi-final match. Taylor didn’t

“

Entertainment and guile at its finest

”

appreciate ‘the power’ of massive Barney’s handshake, and let him know. But soon after he was horrified at his behaviour and apologised. For me it just showed how tightly wound these guys are to play at the elite level. It’s also evidence that 22 years since his first title, Phil isn’t going to let the young ’uns take his mantle easily.

Photo: Getty

There are images that strike fear into an opponent … then there is this one of Mitchell Johnson and Phillip Hughes, two blokes who must have thoughts about the England team like kids whose big brothers let them see It have about clowns.

If this is the best the Aussies have to threaten England with in the Ashes, which is one series in India away for the Aussies, they can prepare by scoffing scones with extra cream.

Commentators were pontificating about the “second coming of Mitchell Johnson”, one of the fiercest bowlers in the world and a swashbuckler with the bat, after one good game against Sri Lanka. This is, of course, rubbish. If you take anything meaningful out of a one-off effort against a sub-par subcontinent side, I’ll wait a moment while you go and milk your bull. To compare them to a technically decent side who won in India and will pull out all the stops in their preparations for the Ashes is absurd.

Johnson is, plain and simple, a liability. He may win you a game one week, but he’ll lose you more. When the Barmy Army sings, “He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite”, it’s mostly true – possibly enough to lose a series.

The Aussie selectors have gone on a confidence-building mission with Johnno, a top athlete with a weak noggin. They’re trying to rebuild a machine broken by shame in the 2010-11 Ashes, when he may have taken the most wickets for Australia (15) but 10 were in one game at a ground – Perth’s WACA – where he bloody well should carve up. The bad well outweighed the good and he later admitted the Army’s chants hurt him. What!?

Hughes is a different player to the one who averaged 17.11 against the old enemy, but he surely still has Ashes nightmares. England had him caught behind the wicket with all but one dismissal in the last series loss – they worked him out. He’s done the right thing and rebuilt his one-dimensional technique, and scored a bundle in domestic competitions in Australia and England. But just like Johnson, Alastair Cook and co. will be happy to see him.

TAYLOR’S SWEET 16 IS DOUBLE TOPS

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4/1/13 15:23:20

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Call 0800 781 1660 or visit intrepidtravel.com/bigchallenge/TNT Visit Intrepid My Adventure Store, 76 Upper St, Islington N1 0NU *Terms and conditions apply.

EST. 1985

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

HAIR TODAY...

Hindu sadhus hold their dreads out in a religious procession to Sangam, India, as part of the the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage

Photos: Getty; Tourism Fiji; TNT

INSIDE

ALE TRAIL /56

SNOWED UNDER /64

KAVA CONVERSION /70

Keep warm through these cold winter months with a beery pilgrimage to one of England’s finest cosy pubs.

It might be -40°C in Sweden, but don’t let that put you off spending the night in an igloo. First, though, you’ve got to build it...

We head to a remote village on the mainland of Fiji, where an unlikely spiritual awakening and bucketloads of brew await.

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TRAVELDIARY

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Say hello to the circus

Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

TRAVEL SICKNESS Stories of people spewing their guts up on holiday cruises in ferocious outbreaks of the dreaded norovirus had me clutching my tum in sympathy for them this week.

Two Caribbean cruises were reportedly struck by the winter vomiting bug, which affected as many as 205 on the Queen Mary 2 and 220 on the Emerald Princess, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the US. Lab tests have yet to confirm that it was the norovirus, but considering that all the gruesome accounts were of travellers erupting at, y’know, both ends, it sounds pretty likely.

I could just picture the scene: Christmas day spent worshipping the porcelain goddess, horrifying sights in the public toilets, and god, who’d go near the swimming pools?

What a terrible holiday.

Admittedly, those poor cruisers have had it worse than you’d wish on your worst enemy, but it’s always a bummer when you get struck down with something nasty on holiday – and it always seems to happen just then, doesn’t it? You work your socks off for months then as soon as you relax, any lurking bugs choose that time to pounce.

Next thing you know you’ve spent your precious week off sweating in an itchy hostel bunk bed or spending hours stinking out the communal bathroom while all the other backpackers bitch about you.

My worst case ever of holiday sickness was on Kao San Road in Bangkok a few years ago, but don’t worry, I’m not going to share the experience with you. I will just advise you that not all the grub sold at 2am from those street stall stands is quite as good as it looks.

Got any travel sickness horror stories? Write in

Roll up, roll up ladies and gentlemen! Ever seen four elephants stand on tables and spoon each other? Or a tiger jump over seven lionesses?

17-27 Well, at the 37th Monte Carlo International Circus Festival these are just two of a long list of acts, which also includes jugglers, acrobats and, naturally, a shit-tonne of clowns.

JAN

WHY: This event comes with a royal stamp of approval – created by circus fanatic Prince Rainier III of Monaco in 1974, it’s now overseen by Princess Stéphanie – so you can expect the crème de la crème of performers.

The Gold Clown Awards, apparently the ‘Oscars of the circus world’, also take place.

TIMKET FESTIVAL

Ethiopia

The Timket Festival in Addis Ababa is an Ethiopian 19 Orthodox celebration of the story of Jesus’s baptism in the River Jordan. The scene is recreated by actors and crowds traditionally carry brightly coloured umbrellas.

JAN

ethioembassy.org.uk

ATI-ATIHAN

Philippines

There’s face-painting, dressing up and street 20-27 parties galore for a whole week during this Filipino celebration.

It commemorates when the Ati people were saved from famine by gifts of food from the people of nearby settlements in the 13th century.

JAN

philippines.hvu.nl/culture3.htm

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DO IT BECAUSE: Didn’t we mention the elephants? Trapeze artists from North Korea and the China National Acrobatics Troupe will be also doing their thing, and you’ll be left feeling pretty inadequate in the flexibility stakes after watching them. Vive le cirque! circopedia.org

CAPE MINSTREL

South Africa

Cape Minstrel Carnival, or Tweede Nuwe Jaar (second 31 new year), is a month-long celebration started in the 19th century when slaves were allowed to take January 2 as their only day off for the year. It’s a huge, colourful street party.

JAN

capetown.travel/attractions

LA TAMBORRADA

Spain

San Sebastian prepares to make a whole lotta noise 19-20 when, at midnight, a flag is raised in Plaza de la Constitucion and the city is filled with the sound of drumming for a full 24 hours as musicians take to the streets. Don’t expect a quiet night.

JAN

spain.info

Photos: Getty

and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

INTERNATIONAL CIRCUS FESTIVAL Monaco

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THAI SHOOTING Tributes have been pouring in for British tourist Stephen Ashton who was killed in a Thai nightclub on New Year’s Eve. The 22-yearold Londoner was caught in the crossfire of a gang fight and died from a stray bullet wound while he was partying in backpacker haunt Koh Phangan. Among many others, friend Joseph Brazil posted on Ashton’s Facebook page: “R.I.P Stephen, such an amazing young man with so much talent!” A statement issued by the Foreign Office on the family’s behalf said: “We are completely devastated by the loss of Stephen from our lives.” Thai police have arrested a man in connection with the shooting.

Photo: Facebook

DELHI PROTESTS Tourists have been warned to avoid the Indian capital of Delhi, as the city centre has become the site of furious protests over the brutal gang rape and subsequent death of a young woman. The Foreign Office said there is a risk of tourists becoming caught up in large-scale demonstrations. In a statement, it said: “You should therefore avoid the city centre until the situation becomes clearer and be careful to avoid any demonstrations, which could turn violent. Monitor news broadcasts for up-to-date information.” Indian politicians, however, have insisted the city is safe.

RIP: Stephen Ashton was shot in gang fight crossfire

FORGOT SOMETHING? Know that sinking sensation you get when you get back home and suddenly realise you’ve left something essential at the hotel? Keys, maybe, or your wallet? Well, imagine how you would feel if you’d left your breasts behind.

That’s what happened to one Travelodge guest, who left her implants in a hotel room. Another forgot a live python last year and someone else a £10,000 engagement ring, according to the British budget hotel chain, which has released a list of the strangest items discovered in its rooms. “Our lost and found departments provide plenty of revelations,” said a spokesman.

VISA-FREE CHINA Time to brush up on your Mandarin, as China has finally lifted its arduous visa restrictions for short stays in Beijing and Shanghai. To the delight of many travellers itching to visit the Far East, Aussies, Kiwis and Brits are among 45 nationalities that will now be allowed to make visa-free visits to both cities for up to three days. The relaxed rules take effect from this week onwards and it is hoped that they will promote tourism in China’s two key cities. Visitors will require an outbound plane ticket to another country scheduled for a departure within 72 hours.

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Tap into Englandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ales: drink the real stuff to warm up this season

Traditional pubs ENGLAND

Clockwise: Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, possibly the oldest pub in the country; The Boathouse; pulling a perfect pint 56

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UKTRIP

Ale trail Keep warm through the winter months with our pick of England’s finest cosy pubs WORDS HELEN ELFER

The nights are drawing in, and the only way to make it through the winter is to hibernate. And by hibernate, we mean seek out the warmest, cosiest pub you can find, grab some comfy chairs near the fireplace and order round after round of the local brew. From a boozer in a cave to supping ales in a milking shed, here are some of the TNT team’s all-time favourite country-wide pubs at which you can do just that.

DRINK: You’ll want to sup at least one round of the pub’s eponymous Olde Trip, which is a refreshing tipple, with malty flavours at first glug and a citrusy aftertaste. Lip smacking, and at a thoroughly decent £3.60, too.

EAT: Go for a stonking portion of fish ‘n’ chips, which will set you back £8.95.

MORE: triptojerusalem.com

The Square and Compass, Dorset

The Cow and Plough, Leicestershire

When we call the Square and Compass an old country pub, we really mean it. This Jurassic Coast institution was converted from a pair of old cottages to an alehouse back in 1776 and it’s managed to hang on to that cosy cottage feel ever since.

Think rustic, exposed stone walls and a huge fireplace, perfect for warming your hands at on a wintry evening. There’s plenty of entertainment on offer here, too – regular live music evenings, and even an on-site fossil museum with a collection of prehistoric findings from the Dorset countryside.

DRINK: You’ll be salivating over the pumps here, as there’s a wide range of locally brewed real ales. Choose between Palmers Copper Ale, Wessex Pride, or Square and Compass’ very own Mustang Sally. If you’re a cider drinker, a few pints of the Old Rosie or Cheddar Valley should keep you content.

Pints from £3.30.

EAT: There’s no food menu here, but the pub serves homemade pies and pasties which cost £3.50 a pop.

MORE: squareandcompasspub.co.uk

This pub-restaurant is housed in the former milking sheds of a working farm. The taps stream a selection of Steamin’ Billy ales, which are named after the founder’s dog Billy, who apparently used to return from chasing rabbits over the countryside with steam rising from his back, and thirstily lap up half a bowl of beer. Well, we certainly know that feeling, Billy (er, the beer part, if not the rabbit-chasing).

DRINK: The Tipsy Fisherman comes highly recommended – a nice crisp tipple of amber-coloured bitter. After something a little stronger? Try the dark, sweet Skydiver.

Pints aren’t cheap here, though, at around £4 each.

EAT: Have a roast beef sarnie for £6.50.

MORE: steamin-billy.co.uk

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, TNT

Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, Nottingham Let’s be honest, there are more than a handful of pubs that would bar-brawl to the death over their claim to be the oldest in England. That said, Nottingham’s The Trip does seem to have a pretty good excuse for calling itself 800 years old – there’s evidence of a brewhouse on its grounds as long ago as 1189AD. Either way, this pub has lasted a long time for good reason – it’s brilliant. Boozing is carried out in underground caves that are carved into the sandstone beneath Nottingham Castle. For extra ‘ye olde’ points, there are fireplaces, chainmail, medieval weapons, coats of armour, and a rumoured ghost, naturally. Take on locals and play the ancient ‘baiting the bull’ game, swinging a ring on to a bull’s horn on the wall.

Boathouse, Wylam Serious ale connoisseurs will find themselves in good company at the Boathouse, Wylam, an alehouse that has won heaps of CAMRA awards. As their website puts it: “Every day at the Boathouse is a beer festival.” Sitting on the south bank of the River Tyne, around 10 miles west of Newcastle, this well-loved pub is old-school: dark wood, low beams, polished brass taps and old-fashioned stained glass windows.

DRINK: The beer selection changes all the time, but regular local brews include Hadrian Border, Tyneside Blonde, Tyneside Brown and Newcastle Pioneer. Around £3.50 each.

EAT: A traditional roast Brighton: The with peas, chips and gravy traditional seaside is a bargain at £6.65. break gets a twist MORE: Check out boathousewylam.info

NEXT WEEK

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LATEDEALS

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A six-day Galapagos Islands tour is £1062pp with G Adventures

DEAL OF THE WEEK ALGARVE BREAK A seven-night trip with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation at Bayside Salgados Apartments in Albufeira and flights from London Southend. Departs January 6.

£77

< £250

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LANZAROTE Seven nights cost £255pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and three-star, allinclusive accommodation at the Hotel Blue Sea Los Fiscos in Puerto Del Carmen. Departs London Luton January 17.

EGYPT An eight-day tour costs £480pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com) quoting promotional reference code 9496. Includes accommodation with some meals, visits to Cairo and Aswan and a Nile cruise. Excludes flights. Book by January 31; valid for travel until May 31.

TENERIFE Seven nights cost £349pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Hotel Blue Sea Interpalace in Puerto De La Cruz.

Departs from London Luton January 12.

> £500 ARCTIC ADVENTURE Seven nights in Finnish Lapland cost £795pp with The White Circle (thewhitecircle.com; 01670 785044). Includes return flights and half-board accommodation. Departs from London Heathrow January 19 and January 26.

MOROCCO Four nights cost £699pp (save £194) with Kirker Holidays (020 75932283; kirkerholidays.com). Includes return flights and five-star, B&B accommodation at the L’Heure Bleue riad in Essaouira. Valid for travel until February 26. Departs London Gatwick.

GALAPAGOS ISLANDS A six-day voyage costs £1062pp (was £1249pp) with G Adventures (0844 2722040; gadventures.co.uk), quoting promotional reference G12GALAPAGOS15. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by January 31; valid for travel until March 31.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily.

There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations.

Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

TRANSFER FEES FROM £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar New Zealand dollar South African rand Polish złoty Euro US dollar Canadian dollar Hong Kong dollar Swedish krona Swiss franc Singapore dollar

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PRAGUE Two nights cost £199pp (save £22) with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk) quoting reference 2196871. Includes return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel City Inn. Book by January 31; valid for travel March 1-22. Departs London Heathrow.

KRAKOW Two nights cost £102pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Hotel Chopin.

Departs London Stansted on January 29.

AMSTERDAM Two nights cost £195pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 1241072.

Includes return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Novotel Amsterdam City hotel. Book by January 15; valid for travel March 1-25. Departs London Heathrow.

MADEIRA Seven nights cost £172pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Santa Catarina Hotel. Departs Gatwick January 30.

MILAN Two nights cost £87pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; holidays.easyjet.com) Includes direct return flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at the Cristallo Hotel. Departs London Luton January 30.

£250 – £500

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UNBEATABLE PRICES

Next Stop?

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A whole range of trips incl. game drives in the Masai Mara and the Serengeti, gorilla trekking, guided game walks, rhino trekking, evening game drives and so much more.

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RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

LLANRRHYDDLAD Hamish McMillan, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS The sun peers over the landscape to reveal a green and pleasant land. The wild flowers in the foreground are crowned by the sun in a halo of soft, glowing light, highlighting its finest details. This image portrays the beauty and the stillness of nature at dawn and dusk. The focus is on the fine petals and leaves of the plant, while the background is a blurry blanket of fields and clouds.

RUNNER-UP KAUNOS Ulku Ozbal, Turkey

WHY IT WORKS Once an important ancient sea port, Kaunos in Turkey is now 8km from the coast. Taken at night, the flood lights illuminate the carved-out buildings in the rock face, creating an eerie feeling.

These elaborate tombs presided over the town’s inhabitants living below. Their presence must have been a daily reminder that death is not far away.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

HOT TIPS: Focus Focus is about more than your images being sharp – the part of your frame you choose as the focal point will change the emphasis and feel of the picture. A shallow depth of field (f2.8 or lower) can make your subject in focus really stand out. For landscapes, you generally want to try and keep as many things in the frame as sharp as possible so go for a higher aperture setting (f11 or above)

and use a tripod for a longer exposure. Macro lenses are great for highlighting details that are normally missed by the normal eye. Once you have mastered these skills it’s time to get creative! Use out of focus areas to create a frame around your subject, and try to make your images as abstract as possible by blurring most of the detail. A shift in focus can completely alter your message.

WIN

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

GAMBLING HOTSPOTS

CHECKING IN

1

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MACAU, CHINA

Comfort in Kathmandu

HYATT REGENCY OVERVIEW If you’ve been trekking or cycling hard around Nepal for a few weeks, you’ll probably find yourself in serious need of a stop somewhere fancy for a comfortable night’s sleep, a proper wash and a battery recharge. Kathmandu’s Hyatt Regency is the place to do it. Despite the fact this hotel is part of a multinational chain, there’s nothing Identikit about it. The traditional Newari-Nepalese architecture and artwork scattered throughout the building give it heaps of character.

WOW FACTOR If you stroll through the grounds behind the hotel, you’ll come across a little gate marked ‘Heritage Route’. Ask the guard to let you through and you’ll find yourself on a winding passage through Kathmandu’s backstreets that takes you straight to the Boudhanath Stupa, which dominates the city’s skyline, in just five minutes. Stop on the way back for dinner at the tiny shops serving noodles and beer.

ROOMS On the small side, considering this is a five-star hotel, but very prettily decorated with wooden Nepalese furniture. There is one major downside – expect to be kept company by fearless pigeons each night. They flock to the upper floors of the hotel to roost and there’s no stopping the flapping against your windows after sundown.

BILL, PLEASE Doubles from £100pn.

kathmandu.regency.hyatt.com

00 62

Forget the new year’s resolutions: do you crave bright lights and 24/7 action? Perhaps you have a penchant for all things glam and extravagant.

Or, what really gets you going is Elvis impersonators. Whatever your flavour, the common denominator with the world’s top gambling locations is there’s always the potential of the rush that comes with turning a few little plastic chips into stacks of cold, hard cash. And where there’s casino-level money, there’s a host of interesting and unusual attractions to keep you entertained – no need to gamble at all.

‘Las Vegas of the Orient’ Macau is an excellent place to start. Just off the Chinese mainland, next to Hong Kong, this little island has become a gaming Mecca. They legalised betting here in the 1800s, when the island was colonised by the Portuguese. Sure, it’s got obscene amounts of flashing lights, million dollar jackpots and a seedy nightlife, but this comes with a peculiar mix of modern complexes, beautifully bright Mediterranean-style architecture, cobbled streets and the

smell of Chinese delicacies in the air.

In the new Cotai area there’s 420,000 square-feet of betting space and the most bling casinos in town. The mega Hard Rock Hotel, Crown Towers Hotel and the Grand Hyatt Macau each have their own styles of baccarat, blackjack and roulette rooms. As expected, the Hard Rock has all sorts of music memorabilia, such as Michael Jackson’s gloves, Black Sabbath and Aerosmith’s guitars and The Beatles’ relics. The high-end resorts are packed with hordes of Chinese businessmen.

During the day, guests lounge around pools, wander through the historic old town (and visit the 1488-built A-Ma Taoist temple) or shop ‘til they drop.

Blow your newly acquired cash on fancy brands (Cartier, Hermes, Dior) at One Central, above the Mandarin Oriental.

Macau also hosts the Formula One circus each year for the island’s Grand Prix – time your trip to catch world-class racers whiz through the streets. Or try the largest bungee jump in the world from Macau tower, and fall 233 metres. macautourism.gov.mo

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SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA

Costa Rica is gambling potty. This small country has more than 30 casinos, many of them in San Jose. They attract savvy American tourists who come to spend less, but get that same Vegas high.

For a minimum spend of 60p ($1 in local currency) you’ll get free drinks while playing in most of the nation’s casinos. Play the local game of ‘rummy’ – it’s blackjack, with a twist. Draw three of the same card when trying to make 21, and you get paid double. Sweet. visitcostarica.com

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

4

GAMBLING HOTSPOTS

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MONTE CARLO, MONACO

Monte Carlo is a beacon for nouveau riche Euros, and given its proximity to the ‘cultural elite’ (France) it doesn’t match Vegas in the tacky stakes.

Here it’s all about glamour, living the good life and escaping reality. It’s easily done if you own a gold mine.

It’s illegal for locals to gamble, but you sure can. When you’re not feeding the slots with coins, join in the national obsessions, following the socialite royal family and gawking at cars parading around the Grand Prix street track. visitmonaco.com

3

TOP FIVE

LAS VEGAS, US

No ode to betting would be complete without including the Mac Daddy of gambling spots. Slap bang in the middle of the Nevada desert you’ll find opportunities to bet for 24 hours straight.

Also find mini replicas of famous landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower, and walk-in chapels in which you can get married by Elvis lookalikes. Classy it ain’t, but it is one hell of a ride. visitlasvegas.co.uk

5

ATLANTIC CITY, US

There are not only dozens of casinos and chances to lose all your money, Atlantic City is packed with nightclubs, excessive behaviour and a 1000-footlong pier to promenade along and take in views of the iconic coastline.

The Pier Shops at Caesars shopping mall is one of the latest and greatest additions to the distinctive strip. It comes complete with Romanesque décor, the world’s largest indoor water fountain display in a shopping mall and an Apple store, naturally.

NEXT WEEK Art hubs: the top spots in the world for a cultural fix

atlanticcitynj.com

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[Caption]

Solberget SWEDEN

Ploughing through the snow in Muddus National Park

SWEDEN Solberget

STOCKHOLM

GETTING THERE Fly from London Stansted to Stockholm starting at £93 return with Ryanair. bookryanair.com Take the train from Stockholm to Nattavaara with Swedish State Railways from £30 each way. sj.se

Clockwise: Solberget Wilderness Retreat’s base camp; warming up after piling up snow; the quinzee itself; a cheeky reindeer 64

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Snowed under It might be -40°C in Sweden, but don’t let that put you off spending the night in an igloo. First, though, you’ve got to build it ...

WORDS ANDY JONES

No holidaymaker appreciates having to build their own hotel when they arrive, especially not in the snowy wilderness of Solberget in north Sweden, where the temperature is -40°C. But that’s exactly what I’ve signed up for. Here in the Arctic Circle’s wilderness, I’m going to learn how to build an igloo, and I’d better learn good, because then I’m going to spend the night in it – alone. Just the thought sends chills down my spine.

I arrive in Solberget Wilderness Retreat, after an 11-hour sleeper train ride from Stockholm through snow-heavy pine forests. I’m in deepest Santa country, as Solberget sits in the heart of Lapland, close to the Muddus National Park and a disconcerting 20km from the next house.

I’m shown into a simple but comfortable bunk at the camp base – a picturesque wooden cabin where guests share dining space and a huge fire. Since this is a wilderness retreat, I have to muck in and build my own log fires and collect drinking water from a mountain well, which I figure is good survival training for later on. Anyway, although the air is freezing, these tasks are no hardship in such a breathtakingly beautiful landscape.

After a cosy night I wake to stunning sunlight peeping from behind the hills and, by afternoon, a whole spectrum of different coloured light cascades down from the mountains of the Muddus National Park.

Ski retreat leader Dirk Hagenbuch and I set off on our skis first thing in the morning, taking a route deep into the Muddus forest, all the time searching for somewhere suitable to build my igloo for the night. Eventually, we come across a small clearing and stop.

I’d pictured us stacking ice blocks like Lego to create a big dome, but it turns out we’re not building a conventional igloo, but rather a quinzee. This is a more basic structure, built from snow, and while it’s effective, it’s used more as a temporary shelter (as opposed to semi-permanent igloos).

Dirk and I pile up a man-high heap of snow and then make it as compact as possible by trampling it down, ensuring it’s packed tight. Then, to create a living space, I burrow a cavity inside it. This has to be big enough for me to crawl inside but not high enough to stand up in. Hot air rises to the top, so the smaller the space, the warmer it is.

Once the living space is complete, Dirk shows me how to sculpt a tunnel of snow that juts out from the centre of the

quinzee, to prevent the effects of the biting Arctic winds as I enter my new home. All in all, the igloo takes us about three hours to build, and then we throw down heavy reindeer skins to warm the floor and another to cover the entrance.

After all our efforts, we leave the quinzee behind to freeze rock solid, while we escape to a nearby log cabin for some local fare – reindeer sausage with pasta and a few beers. When I return, the quinzee has frozen so hard that I manage to walk across the top without it giving an inch – very reassuring, since it’s nearly time for bed.

“

It’s a thrill when my naked skin hits snow

”

Dirk leaves me alone to sleep in the snowy structure, but I’m relieved to hear he’s snoozing close by in a cabin – far away enough to make me feel like I’m out in the wilderness, but near enough to help if for some reason the quinzee collapses or I get too cold.

After all the preparation, I find my night is surprisingly comfortable, using the reindeer skins as well as a heavy-duty sleeping bag and my thermals to shut out the biting cold.

The ceiling is barely a foot above my head when I sit up, so it’s a good job I’m not claustrophobic.

Reindeer skins are used to cover the quinzee floor TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The next day I embark on an incredible reindeer sleigh trek through the forest. First of all I have to round them up, although it takes no more than a “Hup! Hup!” to get them into gear. Once I’m shown how to put their reins on, I climb onto a wide-seated and very comfortable wooden sleigh, and am soon being pulled, fast and low to the ground, through dense pine forests. On a break in the trek we enjoy a barbecue among the trees, sipping on hot tea as the reindeers forage beneath the snow for food.

Entertainment at camp that night is beers and a sauna, followed by a naked plunge into a snow mound. I’m initially apprehensive, but since I’ve spent a night in a quinzee, I’m pretty sure I can handle anything. It turns out the thrill of my naked skin hitting the packed snow is surprisingly euphoric.

It’s an exhilarating end to an out-there trip, on which I feel as though I’ve experienced a genuine sense of freedom in a place where all I saw for miles was snow, reindeer and nature at its most pure. ❚ An igloo building and reindeer tour, including a ski tour with guide and equipment rental, costs approx £800pp for five days at Solberget Wilderness Retreat. solberget.com

Snow stop: a ski break in the forest

NEXT WEEK Bootcamp breaks: Get your ass into gear this year

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

If you’re spending a night in Stockholm en route to Solberget, try the glass-fronted Cafe String (pictured left). Stop off for a sandwich and enjoy its quirky Fiftiesvintage interior. Mains from £4.50. cafestring.com

Den Gyldene Freden in Stockholm offers traditional Nordic home cooking with a modern twist. Their seasonal menu includes reindeer with smoked onion compote and potato dumplings. Mains start from £18. gyldenefreden.se

Got money to burn? Expect the unexpected at one of the capital’s finest avant-garde restaurants, Frantzen/Lindeberg (pictured above), which has been known to serve pollen and a music box along with dishes such as lobster and edible flowers. Set menus cost from £119 per head, including wine. frantzen-lindeberg.com

DRINK

Stockholm’s Tranan has been serving up drinks since 1929, and while the restaurant upstairs is very traditional, this basement bar is always packed with a lively crowd, dancing to Stockholm’s trendiest DJs. Drinks start from £3. tranan.se

Jukkasjärvi’s ICEBAR can genuinely claim to be the coolest watering hole in the country. Dance on a floor of snow and drink out of glasses carved from ice. Excursions can be made here with Solberget Wilderness Retreat. First drink costs £8.80 and refills are £6.50. icehotel.com

The fin-de-siècle vibe of Le Rouge, plus its lengthy cocktail list, keep Stockholm’s trendy set coming back.

Take a seat on the red crushed velvet sofas and order a round. Cocktails cost around £10 a pop. lerouge.se/en

SLEEP

The Solberget Wilderness Retreat (pictured above) offers a range of accommodation, including lumberjack cabins and trailers. Prices start from £32pppn, including use of a wood-heated sauna and wooden skis. solberget.com

The Nobis Hotel is a mellow place to spend a night in Stockholm’s city centre, with cosy and modern interiors. Single rooms from £156pn. nobishotel.se

If a night in an igloo wasn’t chilly enough, book a room in Jukkasjärvi’s ICEHOTEL (pictured left), where you’ll sleep in a thermal sleeping bag on a bed built from ice blocks, surrounded by icy artwork. A room sleeping three costs £350pn. icehotel.com

Photos: TNT, ICEHOTEL, Getty, Achim Olbrich

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

City by the sea This is Pula in 48 hours WORDS YARA SILVA

DAY 1: 10:00 Croatia is the sun-seekers’ paradise of eastern Europe, most famous for beaches, bars and bygone times.

Serving up all this and more is Pula, a seaside city dotted with archaic quirks on the southern coast of the Istria peninsula.

Make the most of your first day by heading off early to the City Farmers’ Market (on the corner of Smareglina Ulica and Narodni Trg) for some fresh bread and fruit.

Then wander over to Giardini Square (on the corner of Giardini and Zagrebacka Uli) to sit on the grass and enjoy your purchases while indulging in a little people-watching.

11:00 Head to the Pula Arena (Flavijevska City Centre; tel. 00 385 52 219 028; entrance £2.15), a large Roman amphitheatre in the centre of the city, very similar to the colosseum in Rome, and the Pula’s most famous landmark.

Built in the first century AD, it held 20,000 spectators in its heyday, who came to see bloody gladiatorial battles.

13:00 Once you’ve had enough of imagining you’re Russell Crowe in Gladiator, head for lunch at Gina (Stoja 23, 52100; tel. 00 385 52 387 943; mains from £5.40) and sample some fresh fish and octopus close to the harbour.

14:00 Stuffed full of Croatian cuisine? Walk it off along the seafront back towards the Twin Gates (corner of Carrarina Ulica and Ulica Castropola). In medieval times, the city was surrounded by walls and these gates were the main entrances into the city. They were built between the second and third centuries, but still look mighty impressive today.

15:00 By now you’ll be feeling the heat. Meander through the streets towards the air-conditioned Archaeological Museum of Istria (ami-pula.hr/en/home; entrance 68

£2.15) and ogle objects from prehistoric, Roman and medieval periods.

17:00 Pula’s most recently opened tourist attraction is the Underground Galleries (entrance £1.60), next door to the Archaeological Museum. These subterranean tunnels were dug at the behest of the Austro-Hungarian monarchy for strategic purposes during the Great War. The temperature never rises above 20°C, which may sound hot to a Londoner, but makes a cool change to the scorching Croatian sun outside.

19:00 Re-emerge from the tunnels and reward your bravery at Jupiter (Castropola Ulica 38, 52100, tel. 00 385 52 214 333; mains under £10). Located in the centre of Pula, on a quiet side street, this little pizzeria is popular with locals and tourists alike, and also serves up awesome calamari.

21:00 Most bars in Pula close by midnight. But there are a number of nightspots just outside Pula itself, which stay open until the early hours. Club Ulanjik (clubuljanik.hr; free entry; drinks for under £2) has a huge outdoor courtyard with plenty of seating, as well as a number of indoor bars and dancefloors for a good old boogie. The club is open until 6am, but when you feel ready to drag yourself away, there are cheap beds at Riva Hostel (Riva 2, 52100; tel. 00 385 95 827 0243; dorm beds from about £10.50pn), in the heart of Pula’s historic town and close to the waterfront.

DAY 2: 10:00 Rise and shine! Ease your hangover at Qtime Coffee & Food (6 Square Portrada; tel. 00 385 52 554 031) a small, modern cafe peddling pastries and croissants.

11:00 Pop across the square to the Triumphal Arch of the Sergi (Ulica Serguevaca). Also known as the ‘Golden

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Gate’ because it used to be covered in gold detailing, it was built in 29BC in honour of the powerful Sergi family. Street theatre is often performed on the square opposite, so relax and watch some dancing and juggling in the sunshine.

13:00 Time for lunch. Sample the fruits of Pula’s booming fishing industry at Farabuto (farabuto.hr; mains from £5). Then get stuck back in to the culture. Visit the Temple of Augustus (corner of Riva and Flaciusova Ulica; entrance fee 43p), once dedicated to Roman gods before becoming by turns a church, a granary and a museum.

The temple was originally constructed between 2BC and AD14, but got completely destroyed in 1944 by a bomb and rebuilt again in 1947.

16:00 If you’re a fan of architecture, you’ll adore the Church and Monastery of St Francis (west end of Sergijevaca; entrance fee 70p). A beautiful church with Gothic ornaments, it’s dedicated to St Francis of Assisi and was built in the 14th century.

18:00 Treat yourself to the most expensive thing on the menu at Konoba Istriana Pomer (konoba-istriana.com): lamb and potatoes for £10.40. Really pushing the boat out.

21:00 End your trip in style with a fancy cocktail at Pietas Julia (pietasjulia.com; free entry). Located right next to the sea, this huge bar can accommodate up to 500 people, so drag along everyone you’ve met on your travels and dance the night away.

BYO alcohol at no charge Daily breakfast and lunch Solo and group bookings Swim, snorkel and paddle board from your own yacht!

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Fly from London Heathrow to Pula from £268 return with croatiaairlines.com Croatia Airlines

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Welcome to Fiji: villagers put on a colourful display

Fiji SOUTH PACIFIC

FIJI Nausori

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Suva from ÂŁ1025 return with Korean Air and Air Pacific, via Seoul and Nadi. koreanair.com airpacific.com

SUVA

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BIGTRIP

Kava and conversion We head to a remote village on the mainland of Fiji, where an unlikely spiritual awakening and bucketloads of brew await WORDS ALEX HARMON

WHEN TO GO: The best time to visit Fiji is between April and It’s a number of years since I’ve stepped infectious – I’ve even forgotten that I look early October, when the humidity is like a castaway in oversized clothes. inside a church for a Sunday service. least stifling. November to March is I’m wearing some rosary beads that were One of the churchgoers who speaks the rainy season and also the time bought by a friend – an ironic gift to an English takes us on a tour of the local of year in which the heat really atheist. Despite the heat, we are told to village. His name is Samuel and he’s one of ramps up. cover up out of respect for the locals. the Christian missionaries. He wears a crisp CURRENCY: £1 = FJD2.85 Noticing that I’m carelessly under-dressed, white shirt, navy sulu – basically a man-skirt (Fijian dollar) my tour guide rummages through the bus – and a very serious demeanour. This is in ACCOMMODATION: and finds me a sarong and an oversized stark contrast to our Fijian guide, Jerry, who Uprising Beach Resort is two hours’ drinks beer with breakfast and tells us he T-shirt with ‘Fiji’ written on the front. I’m drive from the Nausori Highlands now fit to be seen, even if I do appear to falls in love with a new girl on every tour. and offers beachfront bures as well Samuel shows us inside some of the houses, have been styled by a church charity. as dorm accommodation. Double Inside the House of God, in the remote made mostly of tin. They’re humble and rooms from around £40pn, dorm Navari village amidst the Nausori Highlands, unadorned, with outdoor toilets and beds on beds from around £15pn. about an hour’s bus ride from the Fijian the floor made from layers of pandanus leaf. capital of Suva, it’s not our clothing that Walking through the village, I hoist my hostelworld.com attracts stares. Rather, it’s the 12 of us, mostly sarong above my knees to avoid the mud SEE: tourismfiji.com faithless Westerners, crashing the small from the morning’s rain. As it’s slippery, community’s Sunday church service that solicits constant I hang on to the guy next to me to avoid going skidding attention. The children can’t concentrate on the service, down the path. Samuel looks at me with disdain – it must their eyes transfixed on the two rows of foreigners cooling be my uncoordinated tiptoeing that has attracted his themselves with woven raffia fans. attention, I think. It’s not. He pulls me aside.

They whisper to each other, grin and giggle when “Miss, you must not wear your sarong like that,” he we smile back. Intermittently, the all-female church choir, whispers. “You must not show your knees to the locals decked out in white dresses, breaks into song and the room – it is very disrespectful.” fills with beautiful music. Putting my own reservations Ashamed, I quickly lower the length of my sarong, about organised religion aside, I am overcome with a heartapologising for my ignorance. He returns to the front of warming feeling, coupled with what I suppose must be the the pack and directs us to the village chief’s bure (hut), last remnants of Catholic guilt. where we’ll be having lunch. En route, the guys from my The people in this village, who have no access to tour joke that I’ve spent the morning proving myself to be electricity, are happier, more grounded and more the “village whore”. enlightened than most city slickers I know.

The chief’s bure is the village’s town hall. It’s the most impressive building here, made from bamboo and coconut Finding my religion trees. Entering, we are treated to more singing by the locals and a traditional kava ceremony.

After the church service we stand outside, greeting the congregation as they come through the doors. We form The village people a line, shaking hands with each person, exchanging “bulas” and smiling from ear to ear. Some of the older ladies kiss Kava is special to the Fijian people. Sure, it looks like ditch us on the cheeks, touch our heads and treat us like they’ve water and has a strangely medicinal, mouthwash-like taste, known us their whole lives. Ordinarily, I’d find this a bit but it’s a special, ceremonial drink with natural calming awkward, but their genuine warmth and excitement is effects. It is used for all occasions, from welcoming ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Tradition: a kava ceremony, complete with mobile technology important guests to celebrating a child’s birth. The village chief sits in front of us, wearing a three-piece suit and no shoes, but retains an aura that demands respect.

Jerry, our guide, appoints a “chief” from our group who presents the village chief with a gift of Kava root. It’s very important to respect the village chief – if you show up empty-handed you probably won’t be allowed to enter the building. It reinforces the story Jerry related earlier that morning on the bus.

“Back in the cannibalistic days, a reverend from England was killed and eaten for insulting a village when he touched the hair of the chief,” Jerry tells us. “If you don’t believe me you can go to the museum in Suva and see the boiled sole of a shoe. It’s all that remains.”

We laugh dismissively but Jerry remains insistent, deadpan, continuing his grisly tale.

“The villagers didn’t know what shoes were, they thought they were part of a white man’s body. So when they killed

this reverend they tried to eat his shoes too.” Sure enough, the legend appears to be true. A quick Google that evening of ‘cannibal’, ‘Fiji’ and ‘boiled shoe’ turns up the legend of Thomas Baker, the Methodist missionary who was eaten by Fijians in 1867. Thankfully, cannibalism has died out due to the acceptance of Christianity. But, hey, there’s nothing like a tale of human flesh-eating to get you in the mood for lunch. Several bowls of kava later, we are presented with

“

An English reverend was killed and eaten

”

a Fijian feast. There’s an array of fruit, seafood, chicken and lots of taro (a tropical vegetable) on offer. Samuel tells us to get our cameras ready.

“Please, take photos, it shows your respect,” he says. “And show your friends at home all the wonderful food the ladies have prepared.”

They look so proud of their bounty of food, fanning it profusely to keep the flies away. After we sit on the floor to eat, we realise that no one else has helped themselves to food. Instead, the 30 or so villagers watch us with eager eyes as we dive into lunch. I cannot help but feel guilty as they smile, deriving such obvious pleasure from watching us eat.

Keeping in touch

Curious: local kids are transfixed by visitors 72

Outside the chief’s bure, a woman gives me her address so I can send her the photos of the locals. She puts the piece of paper in my hand and wraps her hands around mine as I promise to fulfil her wish. “God bless you,” she says before I get back on the bus.

That evening, we stay at the four-star Uprising Beach Resort in traditional Fijian bures that have all the modern, luxurious finishes. We gather around the pool, wearing very little clothing and taking photos of each other jumping

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A Fijian sampler: seafood, fruit and veg

Grub’s up: sitting down to a feast into the pool that overlooks the Pacific Harbour. Jerry has had a few too many beers and has just discovered planking.

Although he’s a little behind the times, he’s hundreds of years ahead of the villagers. Jerry has Facebook and keeps pestering us to add him so we can upload the shots.

“There’s free wifi here, do it now,” he begs. We order some more pineapple daiquiris and flick through our phones, enjoying the last light of the sun as it sets over the ocean.

Back home, it’s a few weeks before I manage to get the images of the villagers printed and sent off to Navala village. Unable to forget their warmth and hospitality, I hope the photos arrive but it soon dawns on me that I’ll never know either way. I suppose I’ll just have to have a little faith in the Fijian postal service. ❚ Alex travelled with Feejee Experience Hop-On-Hop-Off bus.

Travel passes start from about £98pp. Prices vary depending on number of days and route feejeeexperience.com

Good eating Naturally, Fiji is renowned for its abundance of fresh seafood, from boney reef fish to mud crabs and lobster.

In the resorts you’ll find internationally acclaimed chefs cooking up world-class food. But what are some of the more traditional Fijian dishes?

Lovo: The lovo is a pit dug into the ground and filled with fire wood, with a coconut husk used for the heat source and rocks for the heat material. The meat or fish is wrapped in a weave of banana leaves and left to cook for two to three hours. It’s similar to the New Zealand hangi and gives a barbecue-like taste, only it has a little more of a smokey flavour, due to the wood and coconut husk used to heat the lovo.

You’ll generally be eating one of these at traditional ceremonies, such as weddings, funerals and other communal gatherings.

Fijian Indian: Indian cuisine developed in Fiji because of the slaves the British introduced to work on the sugar plantations. Thanks to the Indian influence, a lot of Fiji cuisine now uses spices such as ginger, garlic, turmeric, fenugreek, coriander and cumin.

If you’re eating with a Fijian-Indian family you’ll most likely be eating curries made with a lot of seafood, coconut, taro and sweet potatoes.

Kokoda: This dish is made from a large fish, usually tuna or wahoo, chopped into chunks, marinated overnight in lime juice and chillis and covered in coconut cream. It’s served cold, usually in a fleshed-out coconut. And it tastes amazing.

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Photos: TNT, Tourism Fiji

Retreat: escape to a tropical paradise

Rourou: You can’t go to Fiji without trying taro, a root vegetable that has been a staple of the Fijian diet for centuries. Rourou is a popular dish made by soaking taro leaves – kind of like spinach, so it’s good for you – in coconut milk and spices and then serving them with rice, bananas or flat bread.

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*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. The 10% book and pay in full by 31st January offer for North America trips is valid for new confirmed bookings made from 1 January 2013 and paid in full by 31 January 2013. This 10% discount applies exclusively to all North America trips listed in Topdeck’s 2013 North America brochure. This discount can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Please contact our friendly team for further details.

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TNT_1532_Travel.indd 87

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TRAVEL

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TRAVEL

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spare time on the piss with friends rather than saving pandas. What a shame. Randy SHOW RESOLVE: To everyone who wants to talk about new year’s resolutions, FUCK OFF! If you really wanted to go to Bhutan, you’d save and go. If you had the willpower to lose weight, you’d stop eating so many pies. If you wanted to give up the grog, you’d stop calling to see if I wanted to go to the pub. Just live in the now, or don’t bore me with

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of a certain doorman. Also, to the ghost of my expat past: why, oh why, didn’t you tell me all that four years ago? We could’ve had us some fun! Claire DOUBLE STANDARDS: To the gorgeous brunette I met on NYE: wow, what a deluded fool you are!

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Love from Bunny KIWI CUTIE: Trying to catch up with a girl I met at Kiwi House for the All Blacks game on December 1. You were from Christchurch, studying in the UK. You caught my eye sitting across the table after the game with your beautiful eyes and smile. I tried to tempt you to a dance while you were drinking with friends at the edge of the dance floor. Would like to catch up for that dance. Andrew BABY, BABY NO: My parental friends, be warned, this is the year

I stop being your sounding board for every inane problem you have so you don’t have to unload on your husband or wife. You made two choices – having a husband or wife and having a baby. I’ve made a different choice, which is why I don’t share your stresses and can handle it, but I don’t think I should have to. You reap what you sow, or something. Eddie DOUBLE TROUBLE: To my beautiful twin Evie, her visa has expired and she has to go home :( Will miss you :) Love you, Simolo GIFT GAFFE: Essex Boy, I am so, so embarrassed that I didn’t get you a Christmas present. It’s just that we’d only been dating a couple of months and I didn’t want to come off as some psycho who thinks we’re getting married or anything. Not that I think you’re a psycho. Honestly, I don’t, I think you’re sweet. I love the earrings. So I will stop overthinking things from now on and yes, I will get you a birthday present! Essex Blonde MAGIC MONTH: To my one and only, I’m so gutted that I didn’t get to spend New Year’s Eve with you this year, despite the best laid plans.

The universe was against us! But I’m going to make it up to you with an entire January of awesomeness, and I’ll be treating you like the incredibly special little person that you are. The Panther TOIL AND TROUBLE: Wassup The Trio? What a hilariously intense New Year’s Day! I’m not sure about all the crying, but am glad we burned all that stuff in the cauldron. May we all be healed. Po

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WIMBO WEED: To the Saffas who love a BBQ in their front garden in the Wimbledon suburbs – loving your optimism in the face of freezing weather, but your regular indulgence in strong smelling herbaceous foliage is getting a bit obvious. Word to the wise, the rozzers might take an interest. Keep on rockin’ – regards and a wink from Chicken Liver Lil SOBER SORRY: Just wanted to say a massive sorry to everyone in the Crows Crew who had to witness my utterly shameful behaviour on NYE. I was catastrophically drunk and have no explanation for my actions, apart from that I am an absolute gobshite and need to stop drinking.

I know you all love me anyway, but it should still be said. Please don’t abandon me when it comes to seeing in 2014! The quiet one HAP-PEE NYE: Happy new year to my Hammersmith housemates, promise we’ll never talk about that embarrassing but awesome new year’s house party ever again, especially not the bit where Nick W got a bit too into the whiskey, half woke up, and peed all over the stairs carpet and on my freshly washed undies. Told you I’d get revenge mate! Selma COUCH CARNAGE: FAO Hot Scot – NYE sex on your sofa was a terrible idea and so very, very drunkenly messy, but I don’t regret it. How about we try it without the gallon of booze in 2013? Mel WALKING DEAD: To the suited zombies on the Waterloo and City drain hole line – liven up you

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